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thelostmagicians · 1 year ago

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Love Comes In Threes | Steve Harrington

Summary: Steve Harrington loves you, he just can't say it. [2k]

Fluff, comfort, slight angst, emotionally/verbally constipated Steve

♡

The last time Steve Harrington said I love you to someone she ripped out his heart and left with the boy she told him not to worry about.

He doesn’t remember the last time he said it to his parents, only that he stopped trying after he kept getting the dial tone in response to his feelings.

So you weren’t exactly surprised or upset when he kissed you instead of saying it back 6 months into your relationship.

The first time you said I love you to Steve it was a stormy evening. The both of you agreed to take things slow, wounds from the past still open and healing. But he just looked so handsome that night with his hair tousled in a perfect mess, red creeping on his cheeks from the cold air as the both of you raced towards his car trying to protect yourselves from the rain. He turned the heat on as he took your hands in his in an effort to warm you up. You tried to hold it in, you swear you did, but the love you had for him weighed down on you like an anchor and you thought if you didn’t tell him that second you were going to drown in your own feelings.

“I love you,” you had whispered as he continued rubbing his fingers over yours. He paused his actions, shyly looking up. The red on his cheeks could no longer be blamed on the cold because now he was feeling as the sun was glowing warm in his heart.

“You sure?” he asked you. Instead of answering you kissed him, hoping your lips would act as a spout and pour how you felt directly into him.

You knew that like you, Steve had been hurt in the past so when he pulled you in for another kiss instead of saying it back you never questioned him.

But that was a year ago.

Almost two years into the relationship and Steve still hasn’t said I love you back. Every time he hears it fall from your lips, he’ll just give your hand a squeeze and carry on. You want to think it isn’t a big deal. You try to convince yourself that the L word isn’t necessary in your relationship, not when you share a home, a bed, secrets, and, hopefully, a family in the future. But no matter how hard you try to ignore your feelings it still leaves you disappointed when you see couples everywhere throw the three words around like they’re playing catch. It’s an endless cycle of disappointment for not hearing it, guilt for questioning the love Steve has for you, and frustration for why it mattered so much.

“As someone who Steve previously loved, do you think he actually loves me or is he just… settling?”

Your question makes Nancy freeze, the book she was previously trying to shove back in the shelf falls with a loud thud. She throws an apologetic smile at the librarian who shakes her head in disapproval.

“What are you even talking about?”

“I’m sorry, I don’t know why I brought it up. But I was just thinking, Steve loved you Nance. He told you he loved you. It’s been years and people still remember how broken he was after you left. Like if I left would he be just as sad or would he be okay.”

“Are you planning on leaving Steve?” Nancy stutters out.

“Well no…definitely no. It just makes me wonder if people can see that Steve loves me or if they think of me as the passerby keeping him from you while you were the one that got away. Whenever I tell someone I’m dating Steve all I ever hear is good on him for moving on, poor thing was a wreck after Nancy Wheeler left.”

Nancy picks up her stack of books as she leads you to the front desk, “Look what Steve and I had was over before we both even realized it was over. He loves you, I think… I think he loves you more than he could’ve ever loved me. And why do you even care what people think? These are the same people who think Robin is a sinner and that my parents are happily married.”

You roll your eyes in affection as you help her with her books. “I guess you’re right…” you trail off as your eye catches a magazine. In big bold letters you read 100 Different Signs Your Man Loves You.

“Oh please you can’t be serious.”

You give her a sheepish smile as you check out your rental and head back home.

The magazine was utter trash. It had nothing, but surface value declarations that did nothing to soothe your worries. You stopped reading after sign 8 when it said Ladies if your man compliments your cooking, then it means he’s thinking about locking it down! Because remember a way to a man’s heart is through his stomach!

Your Steve wasn’t like this. Your Steve was the kind of guy who knew you were having a bad day before you even had the chance to tell him. Your Steve was the kind of guy who would willingly wake up early and go out into snow just to heat up your car so you won’t have to drive in the cold.

You sigh as you toss the magazine in the back of the car making a mental note to drop it off at the library on your way to pick up Robin for your girls day.

You honk twice in front of Vickie’s house before Robin comes bolting down the driveway, shoes in hand and trying to wrestle her jacket on. She gives you a wave before climbing in and greeting you with a tight hug.

“I see your sleepover went well,” you tease.

Before she can tease back Vickie knocks on the window prompting Robin to roll it down.

“Hi, Vickie” you smirk up at her, eyes darting to the purple bruise under her ear that she poorly tried to conceal with makeup.

She waves shyly, “Robin… I forgot to say,” she looks at you nervously, “Nevermind, just I’ll see you tomorrow.” She quickly kisses Robin’s cheek and scurries back inside.

“So… what was that whole thing with Vickie about?” you try to ease in.

Robin bumps her head on the window when you pull into a parking spot, “Oh Vickie? She’s still nervous about saying the L word publicly so that’s what she was doing.”

“At least she’s saying it privately,” you huff under your breath.

“What was that?”

“Oh, nothing, I was just asking how she says it in public if she isn’t comfortable?”

“You know the cheek kisses she gave, that was it.”

You quickly put the shirt you’re holding back on the rack before looking at Robin confused. “What do you mean, is that your guys’ secret language?”

Robin laughs, pulling up a skirt to herself. “No silly, haven’t you ever heard the saying love comes in threes. When you touch someone three consecutive times it’s the equivalent of I. Love. You. Hence three cheek kisses equal an I love you.”

“That’s so cute,” you squeal, squeezing her arm and testing it out for yourself.

She squeezes back instantly, “I’m surprised you haven’t heard of it, considering Steve’s the one that introduced me to it.”

Your steps falter behind her. “Hang on, Steve? My Steve, told you that?”

“Yeah, he said his Nana used to do it when they were kids or something like that. Told me before I told Vickie I loved her. Do you think this skirt is cute or should I save my money for a Madonna tape?”

Robin keeps rambling as you stay in place, your thoughts spiraling. Her confession makes you think about every single time Steve’s ever touched you. Every morning before you part ways how he pecks your lips once, twice, and a little longer the third time. How he squeezes your waist three times when he walks past you to get his favorite mug. How he reaches for your thigh, hand, anything he can get ahold of just to get three squeezes in. How he taps your arm in his sleep, again always in threes. You would stay up trying to figure out what song his taps represent before eventually drifting off yourself.

This whole time you were waiting for Steve to verbally express his love when he was doing it quietly in his own way, more often than you ever did.

You don’t even realize you’re crying until you feel a tear slowly drip down your neck.

“Hey what’s wrong are you okay?” Robin asks frantically. She drops her bags, hands squeezing your arms and eyes darting around for any signs of danger.

You nod through your tears, “I’m okay, can we just go. I have to get home, I know it’s crazy but…”

Robin nods, grabbing your arm and leading you to the exit.

The car ride back home is quiet, Robin didn’t even whisper a goodbye when she left simply settling with a quick peck to your forehead and soft smile.

Your thoughts feel overwhelming like everything is going a mile a minute when you think about Steve. You think about your first date, your second, and your third and so on. How Steve ended every night with three of something.

Your body is on autopilot as you make your way through the front door. Keys tossed in the bowl, coat hung up, and shoes thrown off.

“Hey baby, you alright? Robin called asking if you were okay.” A concerned Steve comes into your vision, he quickly wipes his hands on the kitchen towel before flinging it over his shoulder and kissing you. Once, twice, and thrice.

Your hard stare makes him nervous, he’s never seen you like this before. “Honey,” he whispers out.

You take a deep breath in, “You never said I love you to me, not after I said it first, not even when you asked me to move in.” You pause trying to compose yourself while Steve avoids your gaze. “This whole time I thought you didn’t love me like you should, that you loved me, but you weren’t in love with me.”

Steve lifts his head up, baffled, he goes to argue until you lift your hand up signaling him to wait.

“Robin told me something about how love comes in threes, today. How three taps, or any kind of touch in rapid succession three times is the equivalent of an I love you,” he finally meets your gaze as you slowly walk over to him, tugging on his waist to hold him as close as possible. “You told me you loved me on our first date, you told me the night we had our first kiss, you told me on our anniversary. And you tell me everyday. I don’t think there’s an hour that goes by without you telling me.”

Steve pulls you into his chest before gently lifting your head and kissing you three times. You giggle at the not-so-secret-anymore gesture. “I’m trying. I really am trying hard to say it, but I do. I really do. I want you to know how important you are, but I’m also scared. So I guess this was my way of saying it, reminding myself that when I do eventually say the words… you won’t leave.”

“I’m sorry…I’m so sorry for not seeing your love. For not understanding that even though you love me quietly you love me the most. Your love is in the tiny but grand gestures that I take for granted, but would miss deeply if I didn’t have it. I don’t need the words anymore Steve, I just need you because you love me more than I ever thought was possible and that’s enough. You’re enough.”

He squeezes your shoulder three times before whispering the words you’ve always wanted to hear from him.

They say love comes in threes and your love with Steve may be quiet, but it’s everywhere.

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ihops-golden-closet · 10 months ago

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How To Care For A Bunny 101

Pairing: Jungkook x Bunny Hybrid Reader, mentions of Dog Hybrid Jimin x Bunny Hybrid Reader

Genre: Domestic, Smut, Fluff, a little bit of angst, mentions of the past, a little bit of sliding timelines

Rating: 18+

Summary: You were head over heels for your owner but you always buried your feelings in fear of damaging your relationship with Jungkook. Unbeknownst to you, Jungkook was also in the exact same predicament. After you experience your heat for the first time, Jungkook decides it's finally time for him to come clean.

Author's Note: Hello! This is the first piece of work that I am uploading to this site. I hope I don't scare anyone off of here. A bit of a warning but there is a bit of a sliding timeline here. If this gets confusing, I would appreciate the feedback. If you liked this story, please leave a like and give my blog a follow! I would really appreciate it!

Italics=Past

Clutching the stuffed animal closer to your body, you watched as the alarm clock struck midnight. It’s been over an hour since the tattoo shop that your owner works at was supposed to close but Jungkook has yet to arrive home. The stuffed toy, which you affectionately named Cooky, was a birthday gift your owner had gotten you. In times when you feel lonely, such as this one, Cooky provides some comfort but you would rather be cuddled up in Jungkook’s arms as he lulled you to sleep with his gentle singing.

It didn’t take long for you to fall head over heels for Jungkook after you started living with him. How could you not? Jungkook was everything a girl could want. He was sweet, had the voice of an angel, attractive (although you always felt too shy to tell him that), and cherished every moment he spent with you among other things. Most importantly, he cared for you, a feeling you were robbed of growing up in that wretched hybrid care center you used to call home.

You don’t think of your past home as much as you used to. Preferring the memories you make now with your loving owner than the lonely ones back at your old home. It was at this bunny hybrid care center that you could recall your earliest memories. It was there where you were raised by the facility’s caretakers and received your education, making a few casual friends along the way. As kind as some of your caretakers were, you never grew as close to any, at least not in the way you did with Jungkook. They often never stayed long to form that kind of connection anyway. It wasn’t the best place for a child, the facility not receiving as much funding as it should to properly care for its residents. You often felt alone. You had some friends but for the most part, you missed out on forming deep and meaningful bonds.

You didn’t get adopted as a kid. Most families preferred to adopt hybrids when they were still very young. But you aged out of the preferred age bracket and eventually came to the realization that finding another home might as well be impossible. Hybrids who chose to stay could work for the center in exchange for basic housing and money (albeit a poor wage). With nowhere else to go, you really had no other option.

That was up until Jungkook came into your life.

It was never Jungkook’s intention to adopt a hybrid. He had only come to your residence to accompany his friend Eunwoo. Eunwoo already had his own hybrid at home but wanted to adopt another one as a companion. It was on that day that Jungkook met you for the first time.

He first came across you doodling on your sketchbook at the care center’s living room area. You were curled up in a huge chair besides the room’s massive window. He even remembered exactly what you wore that day because of how cute he thought you looked. A fluffy oversized sweater and some fuzzy socks. You were so focused on your work that you took no notice of the buzz around you.

“She’s cute, isn’t she?”, Eunwoo quipped from behind Jungkook, snapping the other out of his staring daze.

“Y-yeah, she is”, Jungkook choked, feeling sheepish at being caught, “have you seen her yet?”

“No, but I’d like to get to know her”, Eunwoo shrugged, “maybe she’d be a good match for my Hana.”

After asking around a bit, Eunwoo was able to land a meet session with you that same day. He just wanted to get to know you better, see if you’d be a good match for his own hybrid at home. Being that Jungkook was already there, he stuck around for the meeting. Although if he was being honest, he was curious about you too.

“I like your body art.”

“Body art?”, Jungkook asked, “you mean my tattoos?”

“Oh I meant tattoos! Sorry! ”, you quickly apologized, embarrassed at your own mistake. You have seen tattoos before in magazines and in movies but didn’t know what to call them.

“No worries, I knew what you meant”, Jungkook laughed, “wanna see them?”

“Sure!”

Jungkook giggled at your enthusiasm before removing his jacket. You blushed at the sight of his well defined biceps decorated with numerous tattoos. His body itself was it’s own work of art. The next couple of minutes were spent with you gushing over how cool Jungkook’s tattoos looked, curious to find out the meaning and detail behind every one of them. Jungkook doesn’t think he has ever met anyone as excited about tattoos as you were, especially with how innocent he thought you looked.

Although the session was meant for Eunwoo to get to know you better, he ended up basically being third wheeled for the remainder of the enthusiastic exchange between the two of you. It didn’t bother him however, it was pretty amusing watching his friend of over a decade turn into a pile of putty in front him.

“She seems smitten with you”, Eunwoo commented over his steaming cup of coffee.

After the session was over, Eunwoo had let the staff know that he needed more time to think it over before adopting you. Both he and Jungkook deciding to stop at a cafe close by after the ordeal.

“What do you mean?”, Jungkook replied over his own iced americano.

Eunwoo shrugged before taking a sip of his own drink, “have you ever thought about adopting a hybrid?”

“No.”

It was true, it had never really crossed Jungkook’s mind before. He knows of people who have, and from his perspective, it seems like a huge hassle. There are specific diets, expensive medical visits, the dreaded heat spells, and who knows how many more complications out there.

“Well if you ever change your mind, I know a cute one.”

Being a new and relatively inexperienced owner, Jungkook missed all red flags of your impending first heat. You were extra affectionate and clingy. Not that it bothered him at all. He loved basking in the extra attention and affection you provided, chalking it up to you simply missing him due to the heavy work schedule he had that week.

Then it was the restlessness. Just before he left for work or to run errands in the morning, he would stop by your room to check up on you only you find you still awake from the night before with red eyes and a tired face. The lack of sleep was an immediate cause of concern in his eyes. He thought it warranted a doctor’s visit but you insisted that it was nothing to worry about and it was all caused by you staying up late to play games on your computer. His instincts told him it was something else but he took your word for it anyway and decided to wait and see if your sleep improved.

He finally dragged you to see the doctor after your restlessness only worsened and you started to complain of hot flashes. You tried to brush that off with different excuses as well but nothing you said this time was going to stop this doctor’s visit from happening.

“She’s experiencing her first heat.”

Jungkook nearly chocked on his own salvia upon hearing those words come out the doctor so nonchalantly, as if it wasn’t that big of a deal. It hadn’t even been 5 minutes since Jungkook described your symptoms to the middle aged woman before she already had a diagnosis.

“Are you sure? I mean, the symptoms are kind of broad, could it not be an indiction of something else?”

“I’m positive”, she left out a laugh and adjusted her glasses, “I see it all the time. Besides, she’s due for one. I’d be more concerned if she hadn’t experience her heat yet.”

Jungkook chewed his lip. He had researched your symptoms on his own and found that your symptoms marked all the signs of a hybrid heat but he had just wanted to make sure. He felt his heart drop as he remembered all the posts recommending hybrids go through their heats with other hybrids.

“I see…she’s going to need a hybrid partner, right?”

“Ideally, yes. However, any partner will do so long as she has her needs met. Whether you decide to find her a hybrid partner or assist her yourself is going to be something for you and her to decide.”

As much as he despised the idea of another man touching you, Jungkook knew that he had to set his feelings aside and do what’s best for you. He didn’t want to take advantage of your instincts.

He knew of another hybrid like you who could help you through your heat. Jimin, a dog hybrid, was his coworker and one of his closest friends. Many businesses actively discriminate against hybrids and typically don’t hire them but Seokjin had known Jimin for a while and knew it’d be silly to pass out on a valuable employee because he happened to have ears and a fluffy tail. Most customers loved Jimin anyway because of his charm and skills, few ever turned him away for his hybrid status.

He feels uneasy at the prospect of asking Jimin if he would be willing to help you with such an intimate activity but he knew he could trust Jimin. Sex between hybrids is almost always done for instinctual needs and intimacy isn’t an aspect typically involved but Jungkook can’t help but feel his stomach churn at the thought.

“I’ll do it.”

Jungkook felt his heart drop a bit. Theoretically, he should be thankful that Jimin didn’t outright turn on him or even worse, cut all contact with him then and there. But still, part of him had hoped for a little more resistance from the hybrid.

“A-are you sure?”, Jungkook hopes Jimin doesn’t catch on to the reluctance in his voice.

“Yeah, I mean, why not? I know how much of a pain heats are, especially when you don’t have a partner to help you out. She’s really lucky to have an owner like you who looks out for these kinds of things Kook.”

Jungkook didn’t speak to Jimin for a couple of days after that night. He knew it was a wrong and shitty thing to do but he couldn’t stomach any sort of interaction with him. Every time he looked at Jimin, the image of you beneath him crossed his mind and it haunted him. It’s not like he was mad or upset with Jimin. Jungkook was the one who had asked him for his help after all. He just needs some time to forget the whole thing. As much as Jungkook tried to not show how bothered he was by the whole ordeal, the others quickly caught on to the change in his character. He didn’t joke around or engage with the others as much as he used to.

After the tension between them became too unbearable for Jimin to handle, Jimin decided to finally confront Jungkook privately. He wanted to catch Jungkook at closing hour as soon as the others left but he’s not too sure how that’s going to work out considering Jungkook is almost always the first to leave these days. Jimin knows that was surely in an effort to avoid him since Jimin had to almost drag Jungkook out of the parlor after closing before. Fortunately for him, Jungkook had forgotten a few of his belongings back in the parlor so he had no choice but to come back and retrieve them.

Jimin was just about done sweeping up the place when he heard the unlocking of the parlor’s door. There stood Jungkook, who looked like a deer caught under headlights as soon as he met Jimin’s stare.

“H-hey”, Jungkook could feel his hands start to get clammy as soon as he realized he was alone with Jimin, “I just realized I left some of my stuff here so I came back to pick them up.”

“Oh yea, no problem. I left them on the counter in the back”, Jimin quipped. Despite not confronting him yet, Jimin already started to feel awkward.

Jungkook bolted for the door as soon as he had grabbed all his things. He was only a few steps away from the exit when Jimin made his move.

“Jungkook, wait.”

Shit.

“Yes hyung?”, Jungkook had inched towards the door, resting his hand on the handle but he had turned around to reply to Jimin anyways.

“We should talk.”

Despite trying to avoid the situation altogether, Jungkook knew this would inevitably happen. It was difficult for him to completely hide the change in his character altogether. Jimin was also a sensitive guy by nature, he knew Jimin could feel the tension in the room become impalpable when they were together.

Jungkook let out an awkward cough before speaking, “sure, what’s on your mind?”

He could have replied that he had somewhere to be and spared himself from the conversation at hand but he already felt like a piece of shit for avoiding Jimin. This was the least he could do.

Jimin sighed. How does one even start a conversation like this?

“Well…to be honest, I just feel like something’s changed between us”, Jimin let the words flow out, it’s too late to go back now, “I don’t if you been trying to avoid me lately but that’s the impression I’m getting. I just wanted to know…if I did something wrong or something?"

“N-no”, Jungkook suddenly felt extremely guilty, “of course not hyung. You didn’t do anything wrong.”

Jimin knew Jungkook was still hiding something, so he pressed further, “but something’s definitely bothering you Kook, I can tell. You know you could always tell me right? I won’t be hurt or offended.”

Jungkook sighed, he going to have to come clean for Jimin’s sake, “it’s not you hyung. Really. It’s me.”

Setting his stuff down, Jungkook decided to tell finally tell someone what was on his mind.

“I’m sorry for avoiding you. You didn’t do anything wrong. It’s just that…after that night between you and Y/N…I can’t stop thinking about it.”

Jungkook started trailing off again, he wanted to Jimin his true feelings but the words just keep getting lodged in his throat. Jimin was relieved to hear that he didn’t fuck up his and Jungkook’s relationship but it still bothered him to see Jungkook look so down. He’s been close friends with Jungkook for so long now that Jungkook is practically like a little brother to him. Even if Jimin isn’t the reason for change in Jungkook’s character, he’s still going to help him in any way he can.

“What do you mean? Is Y/N still in pain?”

“No”, Jungkook quickly interjected, “she’s ok now, what I’m trying to say is that this is more about me than it is her.”

Jimin thinks be beginning to understand now.

“I love her hyung and not in a way that an owner should be with their hybrid,” Jungkook felt a huge weight lift off his shoulders as he began to pour out the feelings he had bottled up inside for so long, “you did nothing wrong. I’m not mad at you or anything. I just feel… hurt and jealous about the whole thing. I know it’s a shitty thing to be feeling that way but everytime I’m with you…all I can think about is you and Y/N, well y’know.”

Oh. Jimin had a small hunch about what was really going on but he never thought that Jungkook would actually come to him and confirm it. Jimin felt like shit. He was just now starting to understand just how deep Jungkook’s feelings for you ran and he had jumped in and ruined it. Jimin felt as if he had betrayed his own brother.

“Jungkook, you have to tell Y/N.”

Jungkook’s eyes doubled in size at Jimin’s word of advice. How could he tell you something like that? What if you don’t feel the same and it totally ruins your relationship? He couldn’t burden you with something like that.

“Hyung, I’m not sure if that’s a good idea-”, Jungkook started but Jimin quickly interjected.

“You can’t carry this burden forever. And Y/N deserves to know the truth. How do you know she doesn’t feel the same way if you don’t confess how you truly feel? You have to trust her.”

Jungkook understood what Jimin was getting to. His feelings were getting in the way of his relationship with you and Jimin. He had to tell you how he truly felt so he could finally let this burden go.

He just hoped you felt the same way.

Jungkook didn’t say another word as he walked up to the dog hybrid and wrapped his arms around him in a tight embrace. He was just glad that his relationship with Jimin could be salvaged. As vulnerable as he feels right now, it felt good for Jungkook to open up and have this talk.

“It’s going to be okay Kook”, Jimin reciprocated the younger man’s embrace, he’s grateful that Jungkook could be honest with him.

“I’m so sorry hyung for everything, I hope you can forgive me”, Jungkook felt guilty for making Jimin believe he did something wrong. He’s doesn’t deserve to have someone as kind and understanding as Jimin as a friend.

Jimin chuckled, patting Jungkook on the pat, he reassured him, “it’s ok Jungkook, I understand. That’s something hard to go through, especially when you bottle up those feelings and keep them to yourself. Everything’s gonna be ok.”

Jungkook’s been with a few girls here and there but his relationships never latest for more than a few dates. Not after they would find out about you. Of course, when the topic would inevitably come up, Jungkook always insisted that his relationship with you was strictly familiar. Most of the time, it would work in qwelling any relationship doubts but only temporarily. It was impossible to miss how Jungkook’s eyes would light up when you walked into the room, the attentiveness he displayed everytime you spoke, or the sweet smile and giggle he gave you when you said something funny.

Jungkook could feel himself start to feel nervous again as he fumbled with the front’s door to his apartment. Either you would awake and waiting for him (it’s a cute little habit of yours to always wait for him after work to greet him, no matter how late) or you would be snuggled up on the sofa fast asleep if you couldn’t suppress your sleepiness long enough to see him.

Jungkook finally opened the door only to be greeted to the sight of you quietly asleep on the softa. He felt his heart melt at how peaceful and gentle you looked snuggled up under the heavy pink blanket. Your face was just barely peeking out of the covers as was your favorite stuffed animal Cooky.

The conversation would have to wait until tomorrow.

Quickly locking the door behind him, Jungkook was quiet as he set his things away as to not to disturb your slumber. In times that you would fall asleep on the couch, you would wake up and find yourself in your room again. Jungkook moving you back to your bedroom the night before. As peaceful as you looked, Jungkook figured the couch probably wasn’t as comfortable as your mattress.

After Jungkook finished setting his things away, the first thing he did was pick you up as gently as possible from the couch. Being mindful of not making too much noise and making sure he brought Cooky with you, he swiftly moved you from the couch into your bedroom as if you weighed nothing. He’d get ready for bed after he moved you.

Jungkook had just set you down on your bed when he felt you stirring beneath him. Shit. He must have awoken you during the procress.

“Kook?”, you said in a voice heavy in sleep, “that you?”

“Yeah Bun, I’m just moving you”, Jungkook replied, almost whispering, “sorry for waking you, I’ll be leaving now, ‘kay?”

“Wait no, don’t go yet Kook”, you were fully awake now, you grabbed Jungkook’s hand in a weak attempt to get him to stay, “how was work?”

“It was great. Lots of clients”, Jungkook shrugged, moving to sit next to you on the bed, “you sure you don’t want me to leave so you could go to sleep baby?”

“Nah, I’m ok”, you replied with a shake of your head, “I’m fully awake now, see? Don’t worry ‘bout me. Why’d you come home so late? Was it really that busy today?”

“N-no. I just forgot some things at the parlor so I had to go back. Then me and Jimin talked for a bit about something important…”

“Oh?”, you sat up now, using your elbows to prop yourself up from the bed, “what about?”

Suddenly, the world started to feel like it was slowing down to a stop. Jungkook felt extremely vulnerable again under your curious gaze. Even more so than when he was with Jimin. He can’t recall if he ever felt as nervous and as clammy as he did right now. Can he really go through with this?

“Y/N…there’s something important that I’ve been meaning to tell you for awhile now but I never had the courage to say it.”

“Yeah?”, you fully sat up now, feeling your heart speed up now in anticipation at what Jungkook had to say, “what is it Kook?”

Jungkook sighed. Why did this have to be so difficult?

“Y/N, the reason why I stayed up so late was because I told Jimin the truth about how I felt. About that night between you and Jimin. About you.”

Jungkook was gnawing at his bottom lip now, it was too late to go back now. He had your attention completely. He felt like a 12 year old boy confessing to his crush for the first time. His heart could burst out of his chest at any second now.

“The truth is”, Jungkook took a second to clear his throat before he continued, “I’ve loved you for a long time now. I’m in love with you and I know as an owner I shouldn’t feel- hmph”

Without thinking, you pressed your lips to Jungkook’s, cutting him off before he could finish his sentence. It wasn’t lustful or needy but a delicate kiss. For a second, Jungkook froze. Your lips were softer than he had imagined. You two locked lips for what seemed like forever before you gently pulled away to properly respond to Jungkook’s confession.

“I’m happy to hear that Kook because for the longest time now, I’ve loved you too. I was also scared to tell you because I didn’t know if you felt the same or not. I didn’t want to make you feel awkward in your own home. To be honest, I’ve always tried to hide my feelings but I knew I couldn’t ignore them anymore when you brought another girl here for the first time. It was that client from your work, remember? I felt so jealous that I cried that night. I don’t think I can handle seeing you with anybody else.”

Was this really happening or were you still dreaming? Even if this was a dream, you didn’t want to wake up. Not yet.

Jungkook felt the massive pressure he had carried with him for so long just dissipate in an instant. It was just like all his worries and doubts had been flushed out of his system. You loved him back. Not just in a familiar sort of way but you were in love with him too.

“Ok, I won’t ever bring another girl home again, I promise.”

Jungkook couldn’t help himself but slowly smile at your cute confession of jealously, who knew you were so possessive?

“Kook, why didn’t you help me with my heat?”

Jungkook chewed at his lip again, not knowing how to best respond, “It just didn’t feel right for me as your owner and a human to use your natural instincts as an excuse to have sex with you. I just wanted to do what was best for you and so I fiigured finding you another hybrid as a partner would be the best course of action.”

“You wouldn’t have taken advantage of me Kook, I may be a hybrid but I have enough control to know what I’m doing”, you reassured Jungkook. You were finally glad to hear that Jungkook didn’t offer himself as a partner to you because he felt unsure of himself and not because he didn’t want to be your mate, “Jiminnie… he’s nice but…I wanted you to help me.”

“Hmm, is it too late for me to take care of my baby girl?”

Maybe it was low or the raspy tone in his voice, but his words immediately made you squirm.

Taking your hands in his larger ones, he brought your hand up to his face, tentatively leaving tender kisses on your fingertips. Its little actions like this that turned you into a pile of putty in front of him.

“Mhm”, you inched closer to him, practically purring your next words, ”I mean, it’s not too late at all, please mate with me Kook.”

You didn’t have to ask him twice, his lips were already back on yours at your command. Unlike your first kiss, this one quickly turned into one laced with pure lust. You moaned as you felt Jungkook’s tongue slip inside your own mouth before exploring everything he could.

Breaking the kiss, Jungkook leaned back and took a couple of seconds to take you in. Here you were, beneath him and in desperate need of his touch. Even in this state you were beautiful, your hair was fanned out, eyes glossy and heavy, and your lips were parted as you let out short breaths.

In Jungkook’s attempt to better re-adjust his position to where he was hovering above you, his rapidly inflating shaft had unintentionally made contact with your clothed pussy. You moaned as you felt him rapidly stiffening under your touch.

“What do you need from me baby?”, Jungkook’s voice was laced with pure lust, “No need to be shy now, I’m all yours.”

“Want you to touch me here”, taking his hand in yours, you trailed it down to your body right down to your cunt. Your wetness had soaked through the fabric and although you couldn’t see yourself, you knew you had surely left a huge stain.

You shuddered as you felt Jungkook’s larger hands finally reach the place you most wanted them.

“We just started and you already made a huge mess Bun”, Jungkook teased as he slipped his hand beneath the band of your panties. He could your slick immediately coat his fingers as he rubbed lazy circles around the sensitive flesh.

Before you could respond, Jungkook slipped his finger inside you. You were already so wet that the action brough no discomfort.

“Hngh”, you squimed at the sensation of Jungkook fully immersing a digit in you. Jungkook watched your face scrunch up in pleasure as he slipped yet another digit inside. Using his free thumb to rub small circles on your numb, Jungkook began to slowly pump his fingers in and out of you. He curled them slightly to fuck you at a more pleasurable angle. He only had two digits in you and yet your cunt was already squeezing tightly around him. When he moved his fingers out, he could feel your pussy try to suck them back in.

“So tight around my fingers,” Jungkook spoke, moaning at his own words,”How are you gonna handle a cock stuffed inside you, baby?”

“Mhm, I c-can handle it.”

You suddenly felt Jungkook slip his fingers out of you, instantly letting out a whine at the loss of him inside you.

“Don’t worry bunny”, Jungkook laughed at your adorable whine, “we’re not done yet.”

Jungkook pulled back, now moving himself down your body to bring himself closer to your quivering core. He was pleased to find a huge wet stain decorating the front of your panties as he gently tugged you pajamas off of you. You lifted your hips slightly so Jungkook could fully remove your pajamas off of you. After discarding your pajamas somewhere on the floor, Jungkook leaned his face in to hover over where you desperately wanted him before placing a gentle kiss through the fabric.

Hooking his fingers on the sides of your panties, he slowly peeled the fabric off, taking every second of the view. Once again, you slightly lifted your hips to assit him with taking the wet fabric off. You shuddered as you felt the cool air hit your exposed core.

As much as he wanted to take in more of the gorgeous view in front of him, Jungkook decided not to waste time any longer and lowered himself until his face was mere centimeters from your pussy. You smelled as divine as you looked. Tentatively, he placed another soft kiss on your folds before licking a strip.

You mewled at his actions, earning a hum of satisfaction from him.

“That felt good huh baby?”, he chucked from in-between your legs. Slipping his hands beneath your thighs, Jungkook hoisted them over his shoulders to give himself better access to your clenching pussy.

“Mhm, want more of it Kook”, you muttered breathlessly.

Only this time, instead of going straight for your needy cunt, Jungkook opted for a bit more foreplay to prepare you. He placed a few more gentle kisses on the surrounding flesh of your core. Very gently, he bit and sucked on a few areas, leaving behind the faint marks of hickies in some places.

“Kook, p-please”, you were practically muttering to yourself at this point. Diving your fingers down to your pussy, you parted your lips to show Jungkook exactly where you needed him, “touch me here.”

Jungkook chuckled at your needy request, “since my princess asked so nicely...”

He dove straight to your pussy, his mouth covering the slick flesh. Jungkook wasted no time in attacking your pussy with his tongue and lapped at the slick pouring out your wet hole. A wave of pleasure washed down your entire body. It’s like you were experiencing your heat all over again only this time Jungkook was the cure.

Jungkook’s free hand came down to rub gentle circles around your clit as his tongue continued it’s assault on your cunt. With just a few more laps, you came completely undone. Your thighs began to shake as you rode off your orgasm with Jungkook’s tongue still buried in your pussy. Jungkook ensured that not a single drop of your juices went to waste.

With your orgasm fully washing over you, Jungkook pulled away to give you a few moments to let your body calm down. His hard cock was now digging through the fabric of his jeans and his balls heavy from neglect. Never had he given himself blue balls from a sight as beautiful as this before. Catching your breath again, you felt a vivid shade of pink dust your cheeks as you caught on to Jungkook’s dilemma.

Jungkook’s hard cock sprung out from his pants the instant he peeled them off. You moaned at the sight, your thighs instantly spreading a little farther as Jungkook wasted no time in getting inbetween your legs. He looked down at you with his pupils blown out in lust as he stroked his throbbing cock.

“Ready, baby?” You nodded furiously, almost forgetting your own voice. All you could focus on was Jungkook’s throbbing cock so close to your pussy. Jungkook took notice and decided that you suffered enough to keep teasing you. Hoisting your thighs and pulling you close to his lap, Jungkook proceeded to run the tip of his cock up and down your slit. You squirmed at the sensation, instinctively pushing yourself closer to what you needed.

“So impatient”, Jungkook let out a small laugh, though truthfully, he himself couldn’t wait much longer. You felt the air in your lungs disappear as Jungkook gently slowly pushed the tip of cock inside you.

“F-fuck”, Jungkook grunted, bottoming completely inside you. Your walls were squeezing his cock deliciously but he resisted the urge to fuck you. You were clearly still trying to adjust to his size, your face cutely screwed up in a mix of pleasure and slight discomfort at Jungkook’s full size inside you.

Jungkook took a moment to drink in the beautiful sight of you beneath him, taking him in completely. It’s like you were made for him.

The initial discomfort of Jungkook’s cock buried inside you was quickly fading into pure bliss. You started to wiggled your hips a little, trying to fuck yourself on his cock, desperate to find the relief you were looking for.

“Fuck, you know how fucking cute you are, right?”, Jungkook leaned down to peck your lips, “you’re so good for me.”

“M-move Kook, puh-please”, you stuttered, too far gone in the absolutely euphoria you were experiencing.

Taking your word, Jungkook began moving his hips in a steady rhythm. He too became increasingly more vocal the more he fucked you. He was entranced with the sight before him. Whether it was the way your breasts bounced with every thrust he made, the sight of his cock disappearing in and out of your tight pussy, or your face screwed up in pure bliss. He didn’t know where to look.

Unbeknownst to Jungkook, you too were just as entranced at the sight before you as he was. You don’t think you can ever get enough of the sight of Jungkook’s cock sliding in and out your cunt.

You racked your hands up Jungkook’s abs and chest before wrapping them around his neck, instantly pulling him a little closer to you.

You always admired Jungkook’s well defined abs, he had the physique of a greek god. You remembered the first time you caught a glimpse of his hard abs and how weak in the knees it made you. Jungkook had just come out of shower with only a pair of sweats on. You were in the living room, buried in a book when he strotted into the kitchen to grab a bottle water. You remembered blushing furiously as you tried to hide your face behind your book before he could catch you staring. Since then, you dreamt of feeling his abs beneath your fingertips.

Once again, you felt your breath hitched in your throat as Jungkook leaned his face only a few centimeters away from yours. He was now resting himself on his forearms from above you. Your heart was beating in your ears now from how close his face was to yours. You could feel his warm breath on your skin and you could count every eyelash as he fluttered

Catching you by surprise, Jungkook pressed his lips onto yours, snaking his tongue into your mouth. As he pulled away, a thin string of salivia connected you two.

“How could I have been such a fucking idiot to let another man have you like this?”

“M-mhm, no need to worry Kook”, as fucked out as you were right now, you managed to pull yourself together to give him a coherent reply, “a-am all yours..”

Jungkook felt his heart swell with pride in his own chest at your declaration, “and I yours, bunny.”

With each thrust hitting you in your sweet spot, you inched closer to that familiar sensation. Jungkook too could tell that you were getting close, evident by your pussy clenching more sporadically around his cock. Griping the sheets beneath you, you started babbling pleas and cries for more almost incoherently as you felt yourself getting closer and closer.

Re-adjusting his position, Jungkook now sat up and griped your hips as he began fucking you faster and at a deeper position.

“C’mon, bunny”, Jungkook grunted, he too was unsure how much longer he’d be able to last, “Cream all over my cock.”

It was Jungkook’s words that finally edged you to your high. You felt your eyes squeeze shut as you screamed in pure bliss, muscles contracting as you finally felt the relief that your body had been begging for wash over you.

It was a glorious sight, really, watching you lose yourself beneath him. You were milking his cock for all he was worth and he could feel himself start to lose himself as well. You could feel it too, his thrusts gradually becoming more shallow and losing their rthymtic pace. Locking your arms around his neck, you leaned forward to pepper kisses on his jawline.

“Come in me, Kook”, you whispered softly, batting your eyelashes at him, “wanna feel you.”

Not a second longer passed by and Jungkook’s warm seed was spilling inside you, filling you up completely. The world around you seemed to slow down and you drew dizzy at how full you felt in the moment.

Slowing down his pace to a stop, you felt Jungkook lay himself to rest behind you. Still partially buried inside your hole, he wrapped his arm around your tummy, pulling you snug to his chest. For a few moments, the two of you laid like this, just caught up in the moment and trying to catch each other's breath.

“You good now, bunny?”, Jungkook asked, finally breaking the silence. You replied with a hum of satisfaction, buring your head deeper in his chest, you could hear his rapidly beating heartbeat slow down a bit.

Feeling you relax beneath him, Jungkook slid his cock out from your trembling pussy. A conconation of his semen and your juices instantly squelching out. You whined at the loss of him and at the sensation of your juices running down your hole.

Grabbing a few tissues from the side of your bed, Jungkook lazily wiped both of you down as to not sully the bed further. Making a mental note to wash your sheets first thing in the morning.

“Jungkook?”

“Yes Bun?”

“Don’t date those other girls anymore, ‘kay?”

Feeling himself melt at your cuteness, Jungkook chuckled before leaning down to kiss you on your forhead.

“Okay, promise I won’t. Not when I have you.”

#jungkook x reader #jungkook x y/n #jungkook smut #jungkook x hybrid reader #jungkook imagine #bts imagines #bts x reader #jimin x reader #jungkook fanfic #bts fanfic

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yesimwriting · 7 months ago

Note

ELLE IM HERE FOR JEALOUS FELIX IDEA WE WERE DISCUSSINF …

olive i made felix extra unhinged here just for you <3

----

“So…” The word is as small as it is hollow. You squeeze your hands together, attention settling on the way your skin strains against the tendons. So implies that the person speaking has somewhere to go, something to say.

Felix stalls, halfway between his dorm’s entryway and his bed. A beat passes before he finally turns around. “So.” His feels a lot more definite.

The nail of your left thumb presses into the cuticle of your right. “I uh–” The world is too hazy for this. If you had known the night wouldn’t end in its usual way, with you and Felix giggly and content in that drowsy way, you would have turned down that last shot. “If you’re upset, we can talk about it.”

He continues forward, steps casual as he reaches the bed. Felix sits down with a soft sigh, the sound tired but not exactly irritated. “Upset?” He repeats gently, body shifting back to rest against a pillow. “Why would I be upset?”

The genuineness of the question throws you. Felix didn’t seem to need someone to explain why he would be upset when he practically pulled you out of the bar. Felix didn’t seem confused when he barely gave you a second to say goodbye to a girl you met through your roommate. He didn’t stop to think about why he might be upset when he left without saying anything to any of his friends.

All of this felt so worth mentioning when you were walking next to Felix on an empty sidewalk, eyes focused on making out cracks in the pavement to keep yourself from staring at him. “Because we got separated at the party, and–”

You blink. You’re sorry–you know you’re sorry that Felix’s feelings were bruised, and you know that you could have been a little more intentional in the way you treated him after you started drinking. Felix always takes you into consideration, it doesn’t matter who he’s with or what state he’s in. You know there are things you feel bad about, and you remember the moment that you realized that Felix wasn’t by your side, but the details, the bulk of the night, are all blurred beyond distinction.

Early on into the night, you recognized Dina, a girl from your roommate’s friend group. Then, she introduced you to Nick. He bought you and Dina drinks, and then dancing…the three of you, and then eventually just you and Nick. After that, all you have is brief snapshots, each murkier than the last. Asking for a glass of water at the bar, Nick progressively moving closer, a girl complimenting your outfit, more drinks, Nick and the warmth of his breath against your ear.

You take a step forward. “And I wasn’t the nicest.” You force your arms to relax. Felix veering towards unexplainable tranquility is strange, but it isn’t worse than his anger. At the very least, it’s disorientating enough to feel better than straight forward anger. “We went out together and I didn’t–you’re always so good to me.” You frown, guilt prodding at your chest. “You–you check in on me, and you get me water, and you sit with me…” The words cram in on themselves, wedging themselves in your throat. Great, you’re trying to apologize and now you’re going to start crying, “Even when everyone wants to sit with you.”

“Lovie,” he whispers the nickname so calmly it briefly throws you. For a beat, you’re too confused to be upset. Felix takes advantage of the lapse, lifting a hand to pat the available space next to him.

You take a tentative step forward, and then another, again and again until you’re within reach of his bed. Before you can try to sit, Felix extends an arm, hand moving to rest against your hip. The sudden contact makes you still. His thumb shifts, brushing against the sliver of exposed skin between your skirt and top.

Your general uncertainty is catching up with your whiplash from all the directions you’ve been pulled in tonight. He’s touching you so carefully. How can this be the same guy that grabbed your shoulder and barely thought to mutter a tense we’re going before walking away.

Without thinking, you lift your hand, pressing your palm against the back of his so that his hand has to lie flat against you. “I’m sorry.”

Felix tilts his head back slightly, eyes finding yours. You’re not sure what he’s looking for, but he’s far from shy about it, taking in every detail of your expression openly. “I know.” It’s not exactly the proclamation of understanding and forgiveness you wanted, but it’s not a bad start. You take a partial step to the side, ready to sit down. Felix squeezes your hip, forcing you to still. “Sit with me?”

The phrasing is familiar enough for you to understand exactly what he’s asking. You nod once. Taking that as all the conformation he needs, Felix pulls back to give you the space needed to sit on his lap.

As soon as you’re settled, Felix’s hand finds your knee. There’s an affection in the way that his nails drag against your skin that has you easing. You’re still not completely sure on where you stand. Felix’s mood shifted so quickly, and you’ve yet to talk about what happened tonight, but this, his care and affection, is something you can trust.

“I didn’t…” His voice is quiet, soft. That doesn’t mean they don’t feel startling. You lean into him, turning your head to watch him openly. “I didn’t like feeling away from you.”

“I know,” the admission is quick, as if accepting the guilt fast enough will warp time and space and erase his hurt from existence. You place a hand on his shoulder. “I don’t know what happened–I–I was really drunk and then I looked over and you–you weren’t there, and I couldn’t remember how long it had been since you were.” The explanation is awkward and wordy, but it’s the only way you can think to articulate anything, a testament to the alcohol still in your system. “You know I’d never do anything to hurt your feelings on purpose, right?”

Felix pulls your hand off his shoulder. You frown until you feel his fingers find their place between yours. “Yeah,” he says, “I do know that.”

That’s something. You squeeze his hand, glad for the assurance of the contact. Your thumb brushes against his knuckles. Felix’s hand is now firmly settled against the space right above your knee. You’re on his lap. You’re not far from him. All of it should feel okay, should feel like enough.

Slowly, you lift your other hand, setting your forearm against his shoulder as your fingers find his scalp. The softness of Felix’s hair is always a pleasant surprise. There’s a silkiness to the strands that feels enhanced. It feels like it should be a result of expensive product, but Felix is so naturally lovely you wouldn’t be surprised if it was genetic.

He angles his head a fraction of an inch upwards to make it easier to look at you. He’s watching you with slightly parted lips. The little distance that’s left becomes a weight you’re incapable of supporting with no warning. You lean forward without thinking, lips meeting his.

Felix reacts immediately, hand inching up your thigh. His teeth graze against your bottom lip with more pressure than you’re used to. With no warning, he shifts, lips brushing against the corner of your mouth. Felix continues at a pace that’s dizzying, a series of fluttery kisses against your cheek, your jaw, the start of your neck.

“Lex…” The shakiness of your voice makes the heat crawling up your chest burn a little warmer.

He briefly stills, forehead resting against your neck. “Lovie?” The only response you can manage is a distracted hum. Felix releases your hand in order to rest his palm near your shoulder. His thumb smooths circles against the base of your neck. “Have you ever had a hickey?”

The question is so absentminded and breathless you’re almost not sure if you’re meant to respond. Not that you’d know how to answer the question regardless. It’s not like you never went out before meeting Felix. You’ve had experiences, have kissed other guys, but you’re usually the type to push them off before drunken affection goes too far.

Even though you’re alone with Felix, and you’re completely aware that he’d never actually judge you for the discrepancies between your levels of experience, it’s not an easy thing to admit. Especially when you think of all the times you’ve seen the start of maroon tinted marks peeking out from beneath the collar of his shirts.

“Can give you one, if you want.” The offer is whispered so innocently, for a moment you think you must have misheard him. He presses another kiss against your skin. “So y’can see what it’s like.”

When you don’t react fast enough, Felix places a chaste kiss against your collarbone. You force yourself to hold onto reality. “Lex,” you try again, voice doing its best to remain even. There should be a definite answer. You’re not sure what’s gotten into him tonight, and you know what the objectively correct answer is. This might be extremely casual to Felix, but you’re not as used to this kind of thing, and you’d never forgive yourself if you let something ruin your friendship. You’re trying to form the words, but you can’t get the rejection out.

“If you want,” Felix starts again, leaving another kiss against your skin, “You can give me one after.” Another kiss. “That seems fair, yeah?”

The offer catches your attention more than it should. You’ve seen marks littered all over his skin…and you’ve thought about them more than you would ever admit. Some concentrated, small, dark patches left there by teeth. Others more like a blend of ink blots, crawling up his skin, the edges a red that could just as easily be lipstick. Other people leaving evidence of their existence, of their closeness to Felix–your Felix.

Would it be such a bad thing to be that person just this once?

You nod. “Yeah.” You’re still nodding when you feel his teeth graze against his skin. Your eyes shut on instinct. “Okay. That sounds–” You’re forced to cut yourself off with a sigh. “That sounds fair.”

Felix grins against your skin. He’s more about it now, open mouthed kisses growing more urgent by the second. With each scrape of teeth against the sensitive spot at the base of your neck, there’s a soothing drag of his tongue against the irritated skin. The more time he spends on you, the harder it is to focus on anything that isn’t Felix.

With a final trail of kisses down to your collarbone, Felix straightens. The loss of contact makes you pout. The reaction makes Felix grin as his fingers move to unbutton the top of his shirt. He leans forward, pressing a quick kiss against your lips.

He releases his shirt, leaning back to give you more access. You lean forward before you can think, mouth brushing against the edge of his jaw. Felix’s hand finds the back of your head, holding you to him. You work your way down to the start of his neck, embracing everything that is him. His warmth; the smell of cologne, cigarettes, sweat, and something else that’s distinctly Felix; and the taste of skin.

Your teeth press into his neck testingly. Felix sighs, the sound heavy and needy. His hold on you tightens, encouraging you to use your teeth more steadily. You give in, taking care to smooth your tongue against his skin after. You start the process over, repeating your ministrations over again and again until it’s hard to breathe right.

You take your time pulling away, lips dragging against his skin before you finally rest your forehead against his shoulder. Felix’s hand drifts away from the back of your head, settling on your shoulder warmly. “That’s my girl.” The praise makes you grin. “You did so good, I’m almost jealous.”

His good humor seems to constrict around that last part. You don’t fully get it, but you’re too content to question it. You lift your head enough to look him in the eye. “You know I only have eyes for you, darling.”

It’s an attempt at returning the joke, but the way his eyebrows pinch together make it feel like something else. That lingering angst seems to pass him by, because he leans forward, his lips brushing against your forehead. “Me, too, sweetheart.”

You smile, letting your temple fall against his arm, completely content.

----

taglist; @vader-is-hot @spiritofbuddha @getosangie @freyafriggafrey @ilovehyperfixating @aryiannarae @willowpains @ker0senebunny @lilyrachelcassidy @khxna @imbabycowboy

#saltburn x reader #felix catton x reader #felix catton #jacob elordi #jacob elordi x reader #bestfriend!felix x reader #bestfriend!felix

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maknaeswrld · 2 months ago

Text

here | h.js

wc: 3.7k

genre: childhood best friends to strangers to lovers; gn!reader; idiots in love; fluff; angst.

cw: mentions of marriage; in depth-ish depictions of panic attack; I think that's really it, please let me know

a/n: The Hannie POV nobody asked for and I wrote anyways bc I missed my first fic dumbass babies. if you'd like to experience the full story and haven't yet, start here

roadmap: starts in present; gives his perspective on the time just before and after losing contact; ends back in present (The SOUND + 5 Star era) ((yes it's been that long since I released the original story))

Felix comes bounding in, practically shaking in excitement as he grabs Jeongin and disappears just as fast. Jisung blinks at it, not really paying much attention, his younger members are always up to stuff, but curious about what had garnered Felix’s attention.

He chose not to think about it too much as he fiddled with his mic pack.

Until Jeongin and Felix came back with Jeongin buzzing with just as much excitement.

“Y/n’s here!” Felix shouts. “I just had Innie confirm it for me, they’re actually here! They’re sitting-” Jisung lost all ability to pay attention as his head whipped toward Chan, who was already pulling his shirt back on.

“Go inform the band, I’ll tell production.” Chan says, looking directly at Han as the others seem to fade to the background. “And do not do anything stupid.” Han nods and all but runs out of the room, grabbing band members as he sees them.

“We’re gonna do There during intermission.” He says, sounding as breathless as he feels. “And don’t worry, this isn’t gonna be a regular thing I just, I really need to perform it tonight.” His drummer just pats his shoulder encouragingly.

“Don’t worry man, we’ve got your back.”

As the spotlight hits his face, he’s smacked with the realization that he has no idea where you even are. There’s hundreds of people in the stadium, thousands of eyes watching him curiously as he nervously clears his throat. The crowds have never affected him quite like they were in that moment.

“This wasn’t exactly scheduled, and I’m sorry about that, but I just talked it over with the others and with the band and we’re going to perform There for all of you tonight. This song is, well it’s really important to me.”

As the opening chords start, Jisung feels his heart in his throat as he prepares to sing, eyes scanning the crowd for any sign of you.

He hadn’t written this particular song, though there were plenty he had written for you, but when Changbin and Chan showed it to him, he knew without a shadow of a doubt that it was one that would resonate with you. He knew, or at least he very deeply hoped, that if you ever heard it, you’d think of him. When he had told them this, they agreed they’d perform it live should they ever find you in the crowd, should Jisung ever get the second chance they all wanted for him.

They all knew he was in love with you, they knew before they ever even met you. Han Jisung has never been good at hiding his emotions, and when it came to you, it was almost as if there was nothing to hide because when they met you they could all see you felt the exact same way.

What none of them could ever figure out was why you never told each other and how Jisung let you slip away so easily. It was like one day you were there as you always had been and the next you didn’t exist. No one knew why Jisung let communication dwindle to nothing, but they had all felt the loss when you fully exited their lives.

***

For as long as he could remember, Jisung had you by his side. He remembers playing in puddles and bathing together before it was considered weird. He remembers you hitting his bullies and getting suspended in elementary school, he remembers when puberty hit and he realized you were hot, and then later when he came to the conclusion you weren’t just hot you were also exactly who he wanted to spend his whole life with, in a non platonic way.

That realization hadn’t freaked him out as much as he thought it should have, he already knew he had never wanted you to leave him, so the addition of emotions his young mind couldn’t fully comprehend wasn’t that big of a deal. Not really.

You supported him like no one else. You took care of him, helped him through his anxiety attacks, protected him even if he didn’t necessarily need it. He was young, he knew it’d likely mess up your friendship if he said anything, but he knew without a shadow of a doubt that you would be his fairy tale ending,,, one day. If you felt the same.

So instead of outright telling you how he felt, he started fishing for how you might feel. The joke of ‘are you in love with me or something’ quickly became an ongoing thing that you would both use when the other did something that resembled even the smallest bit of possible affection. It went from a way for him to see if you felt the same to a safety net for you both to use to say it without actually saying it.

It was obvious to everyone, including the both of you, that the relationship went beyond friendship, but he never acted on it, too terrified of being wrong to risk it; and then later too afraid of pulling you into a world that you didn’t want to be a part of.

As Jisungs fame grew, his need to keep you by his side both intensified and dwindled.

In all reality, he was terrified of rising to fame alone, of having the spotlight on him and not being able to look to his side and see you. The thought of you not supporting him every step of the way, of not being with him, of losing touch and never being able to find his way back to you scared him more than anything he’d ever faced. But on the same hand, he wanted you nowhere near the spotlight.

He knew the risks that come with the industry, and he knew how much worse it could potentially be if people thought you were romantically involved. The music industry isn’t always the most pleasant and he knew it, you knew it, so as much as he despised the idea of losing you, the thought of you losing yourself by following him seemed so much worse.

Jisung wanted to always protect you, keep you from the dangers and toxicity of relations of any kind with an idol. He was torn in half about it. He wanted to be selfish and keep you close, but he needed to keep you away. He knew the boys would take care of you if he had tried to keep you close, he knew Bang Chan would never let the company dictate your life in any way, but the risk far outweighed the reward at the time. Jisung didn’t know what he would do should he ever have to watch you get dragged into a lifestyle you never wanted.

When you told him you were moving to America for your promotion, it was as if it were the answer he didn’t know he needed. Between the timezones, him and the members getting busier, and your new work schedule, losing communication all together wouldn’t be too difficult.

The thought of purposely losing contact with you made his stomach twist horribly, guilt riddling him, but he had to, it was the only way to keep you safe. The only way to keep you untainted by the dark side of the world he threw himself into.

He didn’t bank on his members caring for you so much, making it drag out longer than he anticipated, asking when he was going to call you so they could steal his phone to talk to you themselves. They would ask him why you stopped calling every night, to which he’d shrug and pretend he hadn’t silenced your number. As they got busier, the thought of you slipped further and further from everyone's minds, and by the end of your first year in America, it was as if you didn’t even exist.

His heart ached at every little thing that would bring a reminder of you to his mind, from seeing your favorite flower to trying a new restaurant and wishing he could share it with you. You were a ghost that haunted him in everything he did. Every song he wrote was a story of you or to you.

The members never pushed him to try and contact you, but he sometimes wished they would, that they’d force his hand and call the number he wasn’t even positive belonged to you anymore. The closest anyone ever got into making him remember you was when one of the members would buy something that reminded them of you. Between the eight of them, there was an entire bookshelf in each dorm dedicated to gifts they should have been giving you throughout the years, although not a single one of them ever acknowledged that being the case.

Han wished they’d bring you up, he wished they’d force him into remembering you and everything he had, everything he could have had.

It was shortly after the release of NoEasy that he’d bought the ring. He was out shopping with Jeongin and Hyunjin when he saw it, and all he could see was it resting on your hand. He’d purchased it and stashed the small box carefully away so there could be no possible pictures spread, and therefore no rumors.

Jisung never truly believed he’d see you again, part of him might’ve even hoped he’d never see you again, it’d be easier to suffer in his choices than it’d be to try explaining them to you.

But a much bigger part of him couldn’t leave his apartment without that ring. After buying it that day, it’d taken up permanent residence in his bag, never once separating from his side. Changbin had laughed after seeing it the first time.

“What, do you plan to just drop to one knee and pop the question the second you reunite?”

Jisung’s cheeks turned bright red at the teasing.

“And what if I do?”

Changbin just looked at him like he was his own special kind of stupid and was wearing a giant sign that announced the fact.

Sometimes, when the studio was empty and the hour too late for any human being, Jisung would let himself dwell in the memories of the past, trying to remember how it felt to have you in his orbit, your gravity keeping him on his axis. He’d let his mind drift through the memories that he typically kept tucked away.

Thinking of your smile, your shared inside jokes, the way you’d loved him so hesitantly for so many years, both eased his heart and made it contract with regret every single time, but it’s also where so many of his songs started. He was an emotion writer and you were his favorite emotion.

As the years passed, he grew more confident in the fact that he’d successfully run you off. The ring remained in his bag, but was handled less. The songs were still written, but not as often. He was comfortable in the fact that you were good and gone, that he would never see you again.

Until that was no longer the case.

~~~

As the song came to an end and Jisung still hadn’t been able to find you, he tried to keep his shoulders straight. Tried with all his might to keep a semblance of a smile on his face. But he knew he wasn’t successful when Chan grabbed him and gently directed him backstage once again.

“Sungie, I really need you to come back to us, okay? Y/n or no Y/n, we’ve still got a job to do and getting into your head is just going to take you further away.” Chan, always the voice of reason, could hardly hide the concern clouding his eyes and voice. Han hated making Chan worry about him, especially in the middle of shows.

“You’re never gonna find them and get them back if you don’t get out there and keep trying.” Seungmin smacked him on the back, shoving a bottle of water into his hand and continuing past.

Taking a few anchoring breaths, Jisung quickly changed into the next stage's outfit, let the make-up staff do their job, and finally found his way back out on the stage.

He never stopped searching. His eyes constantly looking over every single face he could see from the stage, begging his eyes to finally pick you out of the crowd. Stomach moving further and further up into his throat the longer he went without laying eyes on you. And then Minho laughed.

There weren’t many sounds that drew Jisung’s attention quite as fast as a genuine laugh from Minho, the noise caught him off guard and pulled him in his direction instantly, a genuine smile already making its way onto Jisungs face.

Han threw an arm over Minho’s shoulder, a grin splitting his lips as he lifted his mic for his upcoming part, before Minho shoved him into a downward spiral of losing all track of his surroundings.

“Straight ahead, about eighth row maybe.” His friend nodded slightly, and Jisung’s eyes were scanning the direction, instantly finding yours.

The world didn’t stop, it didn’t go quiet or fade away entirely, but Jisung felt like it should have, like finally seeing you again was everything he needed in that moment and the rest of the world could find something else to do as long as you kept looking at him.

Minho’s hand squeezing Jisung’s side roughly snapped him back into the reality of the situation though. The rest of the world wasn’t going to just leave right now and the major choreography was coming up. He couldn’t help smiling at you again before getting ready to continue doing his job, barely recognizing that he completely missed his part.

After having finally found you, he couldn’t stomach losing sight of you, fearing the second he stopped looking at you, you’d vanish. As if he’d made you up. It caused plenty of mess ups in both choreography and lines, but by the time the concert came to an end, he was convinced you really, truly were right there.

After saying his goodbyes to Stay, he rushed to the closest member of security he could find and begged for him to go get you, giving him your name and approximate location. The energy of a good show was an adrenaline high unlike any other Jisung had ever experienced, the excitement coursing through the group aided with the joy of knowing you’d been in the crowd.

Jisung realizes maybe too late that he should’ve asked if his members were okay with him pulling you backstage, if they wanted to see you and get to know you again as much as he did. He hunts down Chan to ask, albeit too late for his no to have any real effect.

“If you hadn’t sent someone to find them, I would’ve done it myself. You’re crazy if you think we were going to let them leave without trying to reconnect. We all missed Y/n too, you know.”

Chan meant to be comforting, but it had the reverse effect. Jisung knew his members cared about you too but he’d never really stopped to think about how much him pushing you away may have affected each of them.

Had the decision been completely selfish? Had he caused pain to everyone important to him for nothing if you accept the invitation and come backstage? In the end, Jisung knew blocking you out had been selfish, he knew that he should have left it to be your decision to make, that if you were going to leave it should have been because you wanted to not because he made you. If he hadn’t, would you be on tour with them right now? What would be different if he had talked to you about his fears instead of just choosing to act on them?

The further his brain went down that thought, the more he had to pace to try and keep his heart rate somewhat steady. He avoided messing with his hair, knowing that his stylist would chew him out for pulling it again, but damn it did he want to. The air felt too thin, the lights too bright, he hadn’t just hurt you, he’d hurt his band too. He hurt every single person he wanted to be the best version of himself for, every person he never, ever wanted to hurt.

“I need you to breathe for me Sungie, deep breaths. Can you follow my breathing?” Chan didn’t try to touch him, just hoped he listened while watching his friend spiral. “That’s it, there you go.” Chan could feel his whole body shake with relief as Jisung remembered his breathing techniques and started to calm down, even if only slightly.

He slowly reached into his pocket, fishing out the box Jisung insisted on taking with him everywhere. Gently, he reached out to place the box in Jisung’s shaky hands.

“I’m gonna go in there now. If you need me, you can send one of the guards in for me, okay? But remember, that is your best friend in this whole world in there. You’re going to be okay.”

Jiusng hugged him tightly before letting him go. He opened the box slowly, staring at the ring he’d picked out so many years before, his heart in his throat looking at it.

He snapped the box shut again, shoving it deep into his pocket, out of sight as if the box had burned him, eyes moving to the ground as his pacing started back up, Chan’s last words on repeat in his head.

“It’s fine, it’s fine, it’s just your best friend. Your best friend in the whole world that you’ve been out of touch with for years. You’ll be okay. It’s not like they wouldn’t want to see you. Oh my god, what if they don’t want to see me.”

“Han Jisung, would you stop rambling under your breath and hug me already?”

Han’s head whipped up, eyes wide, and for a moment all he could do was stare at you in shock, all he could think was that you are really here, truly in front of him and actually demanding a hug.

And then he rushes towards you, pulling you into a hug so tight, as if he’s afraid you’ll disappear if he lets go. He sort of is.

“I missed you so much.” Jisung whispers, his voice watery even to his own ears, likely from his earlier breakdown.

You hug him back with just as much strength, clinging to him and willing away tears of your own.

“Careful, it almost sounds like you’re in love with me or something.” You try to joke, your voice just as unsteady as his.

Everything Jisung had ever thought and never said, every song he’s ever written and every night he’d stayed up remembering you and all the times he could have told you flash through his mind. His heart ached.

“And what if I am?” He whispers. He could feel your breath catch in your throat. Tears still threatening his lash line.

Before you can say anything, he starts fumbling for his pocket before pulling out a small black box. He takes a deep breath, not bothering to try and decipher if it was a good idea before sinking down onto one knee, his mind fearful but determined as your eyes widen in shock.

“Because I am, ya know? I always have been. You’ve always been my ending, Y/n/n. And I had promised you once that you’d be stuck with me for the rest of your miserable life, and that I’d put a ring on it if it meant never losing you. Well, then I did lose you, and now that you’re here, I don’t intend on ever letting you slip away again. So, marry me, and let me spend the rest of my life by your side, because I joke about your miserable life a lot, but I know for a fact how miserable life is without you and I don’t want it.”

Jisung knows you better than he knows himself sometimes, but he’s never been good at dealing with you crying. But before he could put the ring up to attempt to console you instead, you drop to your knees in front of him, nodding as you grab his face and pull him in for a kiss.

Your lips are salty, likely from your shared tears, and his are a little chapped, but they meet yours just as eagerly. His heart swells with the utter completeness of it all, as if this is how it always should have been.

You both pull apart for air, Jisung leans his forehead against yours as he grabs your hand to slide the ring into place, the sounds of whooping and hollering not too far off.

Jisung is unsurprised to see all of the Kids watching, but he can’t help but blush at the four strangers grinning from ear to ear accompanying them.

He blushes and you grin, tears still flowing as he wraps you up into his embrace, thrilled to finally have his best friend in the whole wide world back and beaming proudly as you showed off your ring to two of your apparent friends.

“I love you.” Jisung whispers as he helps you stand up after a few moments to recollect himself.

“I love you too.” You whisper back, leaning further into him and he swears he could live off of just hearing those words from you and feeling you in his arms.

“Sweetie, you’ve got some major explaining to do.” The tiny blonde girl glared at you.

“And so do we. Thanks Hannie.” Seungmin grumbled, being unable to hide his smile even as he said it.

Jisung looked at you, wearing his ring, back in his life where you should have always been, and despite the exhaustingly long conversations and apologies to come, as well as the amount of explaining Chan is probably looking forward to with the company, Jisung couldn’t find himself to feel anything but pure, unadulterated joy right in that moment.

thank you for reading! reblogs and comments are always always appreciated, I love to hear thoughts and opinions!🫶

#han jisung #han jisung x reader #han jisung x y/n #han jisung fanfic #han x reader #han x y/n #han fanfic #stray kids #stray kids x reader #stray kids fics #stray kids x y/n #stray kids fanfic #skz x y/n #skz fic #skz x reader #skz fanfic #skz #skz han

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curseddollfaye · 8 months ago

Note

I'm wonderinggggg....could you write something where Suguru breaks up with his s/o and realises it was a mistake? Like how do you think he would try to win her over again?

“I wish you roses while you can still smell them”

ex boyfriend! suguru x reader

✩ listened to ‘I wish you roses’ by miss kali uchis while writing this :) pt 2?? hehehe , oh and if it wasn’t obvious. ANGST ALERT!✩

masterlist

·:*¨༺ ♱✮♱ ༻¨*:· ੈ✩‧·:*¨༺ ♱✮♱ ༻¨*:· *ੈ✩‧₊˚

You always swore ever since you were a teenager that you would never let a man make you cry. You would never sit and cry in front of a man. You practically cursed the idea of that ever happening to you. Images of your mother crying because of your father made their way into your head. How she loved him so much, and yet he still left. You remembered wondering how could a love like this turn so sour? Why are you bared the responsibility of witnessing a dying love?

Nothing could have prepared you for happiness to be given to you, and have it snatched from your fingers before you had a say.

Because truth be told, the way Suguru broke up with you, was the day clouds stormed the sky. Your shared room that he no longer slept in felt colder and darker. You had closed your eyes that night extra tight, gripping the pillow that he slept on. Wondering if you wanted to burn it to a crisp

Or maybe hold it close to your nose so the scent of him never goes away.

“Im sorry Y/N…I just…I don’t know if I feel the same way anymore”

Heartache wasn’t even the word for it. 4 years down the drain. With a stupid explanation that made no sense. The man that claimed to love you so much for the last four fucking years couldn’t even give you a decent reason? You were left to wonder if it was you.

4 years ago you would’ve punched yourself for even thinking that. Why is it that in the movies or book you’ve read the woman always thinks it’s their fault?

But the feeling isn’t realized until it happens to you. Insecurities, questions without answers. You swore you hated Suguru Getou. You hated him for leaving little things around your previously shared apartment that reminded you of him. His Marlboro red pack cigarettes, his dumb cologne lingered in the air, and you didn’t know if it scared you or relieved you when you no longer could smell it from how long it had been.

Suguru Getou was the first man to ever make you feel like you were less than. Maybe it wasn’t on purpose. Maybe it was the way he softly spoke to you even when he was breaking your heart. Holding his favorite snacks in a connivence store plastic bag. The contents of it dropping (dramatic yes, but true).

So what exactly do you do when said ex boyfriend shows up at your front door at 2 am on a Friday night? Your silk nightgown slipping past your shoulders. The slight breeze making you blink even more tiredly. Wanting to crawl back to bed and sleep. It’s been a lot of sleepless nights due to work. It wasn’t easy being a nail tech, you are usually booked months in advanced. So that means your days are always planned around around that. At least on the weekdays.

“Suguru?” You rub the sleep out of your eyes. Your door had been merely cracked open. You lived alone now, who knows what creep could be lurking around.

“Hey, I’m sorry…fuck I’m sorry baby I-“ Suguru’s voice sighed. Your eyes finally landed on him as you fully awoken.

He looked as good as ever. Not that you weren’t really shocked. It had only been 6 months since he broke up with you, 3 since you had last seen him. Since he came to pick up the last of his things. Which ended up in you coldly acknowledging him and retreating back to your room with a loud slam. You had made it quite clear that you wanted nothing to do with it.

He looked…tired? Which wasn’t that unusual for him after working or a long day. But 2 am on a Friday was a whole new level. His hair was held back in a hair tie. The black gauges in his ears didn’t look like the ones you had seen last. Making note to yourself that even now you could remember even the smallest details of the tall man standing in front of you.

“What are you doing here Suguru?” You snap at him. “Do you have any idea what time it is?”

Suguru offers you a weak smile. He knows he has no right to be knocking on your door.

“Im just…I don’t know” He said truthfully. Which led you to even more confusion. You didn’t want to play these games. You had been over it for 3 months now. You couldn’t wouldn’t let him ruin your progress.

You sighed, you were just tired.

“That doesn’t really help me with figuring out why you’re here…”

“I know, I know okay. I know I shouldn’t be here YN. I know I have no right to come here asking for any sort of time but I just need you to hear me out”

He doesn’t miss the sour and angry look on your face. Suguru is used to it by now, all your friends throw him the same look when they see him. It was the last look he remembers on your face. The one before that was angst and solemn. All because of him, and he has to keep reminding himself so.

“To hell with you. I’ve spent the last fucking 6 months feeling sorry for myself for a man that didn’t give a fuck about me in the end.” Even cussing him out you looked so beautiful. Your hair tied up holding your arms as the chill made its way in through t your opened door. Suguru swears- no, he knows he remembers every beauty mark, every blemish, and every birth mark on your body. Something he will probably never see again thanks to himself. Even angry you looked ethereal. Suguru would worship you given the chance again.

He wasn’t counting his luck though….

“Are you even listening to me?” You ask in disbelief. “Unbelievable, go home. You’re drunk probably” Your hand grabbed your doorknob tightly and quickly made it shut it. However a boot came to stop it. You felt anger course through your body now more than ever. Is this how it was going to be?

“Just..please”

“Is that all you can say to me? Please? Sorry? I shouldn’t be here? I told you the last time we talked that I wanted nothing to do with you, isn’t that what you wanted?” hurt crossed his features. For a moment you felt bad. But you quickly were to shrug the feeling off.

Why should you feel bad? You didn’t break his heart, you weren’t prancing around a new girlfriend four months after the breakup. You have to keep strong is what you keep reminding yourself. Over and over again. Crying for you nowhere.

Crying never made Suguru Getou come back. It never made him feel pity to you and be a man to apologize for his wrongdoings. He did you so dirty so why did it hurt seeing him so fragile?

Where was the empathy for you?

“That’s not true!” His voice boomed your quiet apartment.

“It might as well be!”

“Today’s was supposed to be our 5 year anniversary…”

You scoff. “Yeahhh I think it’s time for you to go”

“I had something I bought um, before everything” Suguru moves his left hand to move some stray pieces of hair that hung over his face. “I wanted to give it to you, it’s the least I can do. Plus, it’s something that you really wanted and I can’t…” Suguru pauses. Looking at you as if he’s studying you. Like he needs to, he knows you like the back of his hand and you were aware of that.

You look back at him. Feeling your emotions rush your body.

please don’t cry YN…don’t cry , don’t cry, don’t cry

“Listen…” You look up. Already feeling your eyes burn. God damnit.

I want to hate you Suguru Getou , damn you.

“I don’t know what kind of sick joke this is, maybe you get off to watching me cry or something. But I need you to leave me alone please.” A whimper escapes your throat. You look around, anywhere but at him. To try and at least keep some of your dignity.

“You’ve done so much to me”

Suguru shifts, his hands in his pockets. You couldn’t see but he himself was holding on to tears. He had no right to cry in front of you. Not after the way he hurt you. “Im sorry..”

“I don’t need your sorry!” You yell at him. Yanking the door open and hearing it slam against the wall. “I don’t need anything from you Suguru Getou! Not after what you did, not after the way you stand there looking at me as if you love me so damn much. Like you used to, when I know and you know that it’s all a fabricated lie! You’ve been here for five minutes and I still don’t know what motivated you to come back here after 6 fucking months, but you know what? Truth is maybe I never really knew you. So maybe I cried for no damn reason. I cried over a stranger!”

“I never lied to you, when I told you I loved you I meant that shit so don’t say I didn’t”

You laugh bitterly. “What about when you said you didn’t?”

He didn’t have an answer for that one.

“Goodnight Suguru. I hope you find whatever the fuck it is you’re looking for.” You said more gently. You don’t know why. You just hated the way he still made you feel.

Because you didn’t hate Suguru Getou.

You loved him with every fiber of your being, and yet that still wasn’t enough for him.

The door closes softly, a click and a lock follow. This time he doesn’t stop you.

This time Suguru hang his head low and lets out a shaky breath.

His hand digging into his pocket to clutch what was meant for you.

A ring.

#jjk x reader #jujutsu kaisen suguru #getou suguru smut #geto suguru #suguru geto smut #getou x reader #geto smut #getou suguru x y/n #jujutsu kaisen fanart #jujustu kaisen fic #jujutsu kaisen #gojo satoru fic #jujutsu kaisen gojo #gojo x reader #gojou satoru x reader #jjk getou #jujustu kaisen x reader

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tommykinard6 · 7 months ago

Text

Should I be eating and resting? Yes. Am I? No, so come join me for a dissertation on Tommy Kinard being lonely.

Edit to add a note since I saw a reblog about it: Tommy has no canonical age right now and Lou is 39, 40 later this year, so that is my basis for saying he’s 39.

Now when I say lonely, I don’t mean that he has no one whatsoever. I can picture him going for drinks with his team or having some Muay Thai buddies that he could call up if he really was inclined. Maybe an old army buddy or two.

But there’s something about Tommy that’s just achingly lonely, both when he was at the 118 and now at Harbor.

Tommy had a broken home, or some other kind of unstable childhood. Maybe his parents split, maybe he was mistreated, maybe he was in the system or was passed around family members. Maybe he was isolated as a child because he was a little overweight (I think Lou said something along those lines) and was bullied. I think Tommy didn’t really have any friends until high school, when puberty hit and maybe he started working out and probably joined the football team. I don’t know if anyone remembers what teenage boys are like, but I can imagine they were the same as they are today back in the 90s/early 00’s. Because around this time, Tommy might’ve started to realize that something was very different about him.

Now this isn’t a meta about how I think Tommy dealt with his sexuality (maybe I’ll do one of those later) but I think he never would’ve risked his football friends knowing even if he himself could acknowledge it, which I doubt. So he messed around, got in trouble with these guys, hung out with the bros, and pretended to be interested in girl talk.

Of course, eventually, his buddies all got girlfriends and he was always the odd one out again.

He didn’t do college. The army was his next step. And I feel like this might have been the first time in his life he wasn’t lonely. He’d learned to blend in by this point and he worked with some great people. But as he started making real friends for the first time, he also started losing them as the war tore them away.

Tommy left the army and joined the fire department. There was an aching hole where the camaraderie of the army had filled previously and with no education beyond a high school diploma, Tommy thought the fire department would replicate that. Not the police though. He’d had enough of guns.

(And ohhhh now so many ideas on his thoughts during the sniper)

But he ended up at the 118 and quickly realized that his team had maybe more of a DADT stance than the army. He realized that he had to put on an elaborate act to fool his fellow firefighters, who had more time on their hands and more prejudice they were willing to wield to pick apart his life. Tommy, who maybe had only just started to acknowledge he felt differently about guys with less panic than before, had no choice but to backslide. He acted and acted and crafted a person he wasn’t until the day that maybe he was. Sal was his closest buddy at the 118 and Tommy had no doubt that Sal would be one of the first to make his life hell. Gerrard seemed to look at Tommy as some sort of mentee. Boxed in by two notorious bigots, Tommy had never felt more claustrophobically alone.

Chim was the first one to reach out a hand of friendship, or at least the first one that didn’t come with caution tape, but he was also an “other” and Tommy, who was confused and afraid and had just had his captain call his bluff on his fake girlfriend, lashed out. Then he allowed Chim in and Chim wasn’t interested in being besties but he was a great drinking buddy and movie buddy and Tommy felt safest around him.

Then Hen came and Tommy watched her get the same treatment he was afraid of. Not that he had to worry about the racism, and he was aware of the privilege, but Hen didn’t exactly hide herself and he watched them bully his lesbian coworker. He let himself get pulled into it all and hated himself for it, but was too cowardly to break away from it. He wasn’t sure why Hen had forgiven him, but she became the only other person on shift he felt even a little safe around other than Howie. But then Chimney and Hen became best friends and Tommy fell to the wayside. They still included him, sure, but they were always a pair and there was something there that Tommy didn’t know but longed for. A closeness he’d never felt.

A best friend. A juvenile idea to him, but one he’d never truly had.

Then Gerrard was gone and Sal got transferred and the 118 moved forward under Captain Nash, but Tommy felt left behind, even in what was the most united A shift team yet. Because he was over 30 and was starting to be unable to ignore everything that he’d had to hide under Gerrard, as he no longer had a distraction from it.

He’d been a pilot in the army, so he transferred to Harbor. And Harbor was great. He wasn’t best buds with anyone (he was starting to think that was never in the cards for him) but his team didn’t carry the same baggage that the 118 had.

So Tommy started to come to terms with himself. He started to date for the first time and came out to his team. And he had several boyfriends, but most couldn’t handle the job or his baggage or the desperate need he had to be wanted. His most long term partner cheated and the one he fell hardest for couldn’t deal when Tommy was injured on the job. Even within his own relationships, he felt like he was destined to stand alone.

Tommy was 39 years old and alone, as always, when Chimney walked back into his life, dragging an adorable and also extremely hot blonde and a stoic brunette that radiated ex military in a way only ex military could know. And then Hen was there and they were trying to rescue their captain and his wife and they clearly loved each other fiercely and like family.

And as Tommy listened, flying through the remnants of a cat 5 hurricane, he thought to himself that he should’ve never left. Simply just never found himself if only that meant being part of the family the 118 was now. However, he knew deep down that he still would’ve been alone and on the outside.

And they rescued the survivors and Tommy thought that was it but then Eddie wanted to hang out. And they liked the same things and had similar experiences and Tommy couldn’t help the hope. Because the loneliness had grown stifling and now he could breathe a little. And then Evan, the cute blonde, wanted a tour of the hanger and he thought that maybe he was being hit on.

And then at the end of it all, Tommy was left realizing that he’d wedged himself between two best friends and that was what happened when he allowed himself to hope. So he went to Evan to apologize. He would get Evan and Eddie to talk to each other and then would fade into the background.

But then Evan was sweet and apologetic and told him that he was part of the 118 family simply by helping them. Tommy couldn’t help it. Here he was, at 39, with a little boy still waiting inside of him to be soothed. And Evan was hot and sweet and Tommy couldn’t help himself.

And he really liked Evan. Evan was adorable. But their first date didn’t go as planned and Tommy knew he was already whipped. So he removed himself before someone could get hurt. Evan deserved better and so did he, even if the loneliness was stifling again.

But then Evan texted him and looked at him with sparkling blue eyes over too sweet coffee and wanted him. Him. He wanted Tommy and to have something with Tommy and he wanted him to come to his sister’s wedding with him.

And Tommy looked at him and saw someone who could finally fill the ache he’d felt his whole life. He saw a man who he knew he wanted to take a chance with. All he had to do was jump.

And he did.

And it wasn’t solved, not immediately and never fully. Too many wounds were left gaping for too long to ever heal. But for the first time in his life, at 39, with the 118 surrounding him and Buck as the sunshine at his side, Tommy finally felt at peace.

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gummydummy19 · 1 year ago

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Soft on me (male reader version)

Summary: every time you and Steve fuck, you do it his way, because Captain America is always in charge. But what happens when Stevie wakes up after an exhausting mission and finds himself tied to his bed, with you on top of him…

Content Warning: smut (anal sex), powerplay, Sub/Dom dynamics, teasing, bondage (steve is retrained), nicknames (Captain, Sweetheart,…), Nomad Stevie, fluff, Steve and reader are NOT in an established relationship at the beginning of this, use of "good boy" (both parties), top Steve, bottom reader.

A/N: since I've been getting a bunch of male reader requests I figured this would be the easiest way to ease the cravings :)) this is one of my old stories I rewrote to be male reader, I really hope you like it!!!

Disclaimer: male reader fics are not my forte. This was written by a women from a female point of view so I really hope you guys like it. Requests and feedback are always welcome, lmk if you wanna be on my taglist <3.

Before he even opened his eyes, he could feel the weight of your body straddling his.

“Morning!” you chirped, a wide grin plastered on your face.

Steve’s eyes fluttered open, immediately greeted with the sight of you on top of him.

You looked amazing, covered in hickeys and bruised from the night before The only thing you were wearing was a black, satin tie, and there was nothing but mischief in your eyes.

The second he tried to move, he could feel the tug on his wrists. The sound of the metal handcuffs rattling against the bars of his bedpost.

“Howdy there big boy, where do you think you’re going?” You teased.

“Untie me.” He simply said, entirely unamused.

“Now where’s the fun in that?” You asked, not planning on giving in so soon.

“Fun huh? Well if that’s what you’re looking for, sweetheart, all you had to do was ask.”

“Not today, Captain. Because today, I’m in charge.” You stated with a proud smile.

“You realize I can easily just break these silly cuffs and bend you over my lap, right?” He said, already fed up with your games.

“Go ahead and try.” You dared him.

Steve felt the slightest bit of worry mixed with curiosity in his stomach as he stared up at you.

He chuckled before tugging hard on the cuffs, expecting them to snap at the movement. To his surprise, they didn’t budge.

“Vibranium.” You said, answering the question you knew lingered on his lips.

“I had Shuri make them for me a while ago. Been waiting for the perfect moment to break them in, although you and I both know, they won’t actually break, will they?”

Oh he was fuming.

“Get me out of these fucking cuffs!” He yelled.

“Oh would you relax, you big baby!” You chuckled, leaning down to press a kiss to his bearded cheek.

“You remember your safeword?” You asked, using the same tone he always used on you.

“This isn’t fucking funny,”

“Yeah well I’m not fucking laughing, am I? Now watch your language before I spank you.”

He only growled in response.

Although he was being grumpy, you knew he would use the safeword if you actually pushed him too far out of his comfort zone.

Giving him a lighthearted smile, you moved to press slow kisses all over his frown.

A deep sigh escaped through Steves nose. The way you peppered sweet kisses all over his face put him at ease.

“Fine.” He breathed. “What do you have in store for me, huh? Are you gonna use my body as you please? Come all over Captain’s cock?”

“Stop that.” You warned, swatting his chest.

“What?”

“Stop taking control! You’re tied up. I’m on top. My rules.” You argued.

“So you keep saying” he chuckled. “What exactly are ‘your rules’?”

Taking a second to think about his question, you huffed out in frustration.

“Cut me some slack, I’m not used to this” you whined, dropping your head on his chest.

The fabric of his cotton shirt felt heavenly against your skin. It was all soft and comfortable, and it smelled like him.

“You’re comfy.” You said. “Just give me a minute and I’ll figure out what to do next.”

His heart melted. You were like a cat, snuggling into his shirt. It did feel really nice, but he’d be damned if he’d just admit that to you.

“So you tied me to the bed, to cuddle?” He raised his brow, giving you an amused look.

“Maybe I did”

You wrapped your arms around his torso and nuzzled against his beard.

“Hmm, you smell good.” You hummed, pressing light kisses up his neck.

“You’re a horrible dom.” Steve raised his brow.

You shushed him and pressed your lips against his. Your hands slid over his shoulders to his hair, fingers tangling in his dark golden locks.

Your hips started grinding against his, cock rubbing against the growing bulge hidden in his pants.

Pulling your lips from his, you sat up straight, still grinding into him, slowly.

“I’m going to give you a lesson in patience.”

“You?” He straight up laughed in your face. “You’re the one begging for me to fuck you every time I so much as breath too close to you.”

Your face turned red. You didn’t even know if it was anger or embarrassment, but you were starting to get pissed.

This wasn’t going to work, not like this.

“Fine.” You huffed, stopping your movements. “You’re right, I do want Captain to fuck me.”

Your voice was sultry, silky smooth. Just how he liked it. Never breaking eye contact with Steve, you slowly slithered down his body, leaving teasing pecks all over his cotton covered chest and stomach until your face was right in front of his painfully hard cock.

Pulling up his shirt slightly, you pressed more kisses on his abdomen, above his hips, down his happy trail. Fingers eagerly tugging on his waistband before finally pulling out his fat dick.

Steve didn’t say a word, he just watched you intently. Registering your every move. He watched as you licked a long, firm stripe up the base of his length, all the way to his tip before circling it with your tongue.

“Oh fuck” he breathed. “There you go, just like that, good boy.”

Your tongue swirled over his slit, tasting the single drop of precum. But instead of taking him in your mouth, you just kept teasing him.

Pressing light kisses up and down his shaft. Fondling with his balls, until he groaned, bucking his hips into nothing.

“Ah ah,…patience.” You teased. “That shouldn’t be hard for you, right Captain?”

Steve growled, but it quickly turned into a whine as you latched your mouth around his dripping tip.

You hummed in delight, wanting to hear that sound again. And you weren’t disappointed, the vibrations of your moans against him made him loose his mind.

“Oh FUCK” he nearly screamed. Trying to get you to take him deeper, but you just pulled back every time he got too far.

This would usually be the part where he gripped your hair, forcing himself down your throat until you gagged around him.

Before you met Steve, you often opted for more…vanilla sex. Simply because no one you ever met did rough sex right.

Steve did. Oh he SO did. He respected you, you know he did. Which is exactly why it was so easy to give yourself to him, completely and entirely.

Sex with Steve is easily the best sex you’ve ever had. It was nice to have someone take over control when you needed it. Especially in your line of work. But lately you’ve just been wanting to try something new.

Well, not new for you, new for Steve.

A little TLC, if you will. You felt like you both deserved it, after the missions you’ve had.

You pulled away from him entirely. Sitting up as you watched Steve, tugging at the cuffs as he writhed and squirmed on the bed.

“My poor, Stevie.” You cooed, moving to lay beside him.

“When I get out of these damn cuffs-”

“- you’ll ruin me, I know I know.” You finished his sentence. “Don’t get ahead of yourself Captain Rogers. We’ve barely gotten started”

You turned on your side to face him, draping your leg over his, you snuggled against him and kissed his cheek, sweetly brushing your fingers through his hair.

“I wouldn’t have to tie you up if you could just learn to behave.”

He gave you a questioning look.

“Just trust me” you said, your hand travelled down his body, grabbing his still throbbing erection.

“Let me take care of you, Stevie.” You cooed, nibbling on his ear, slowly pumping his shaft

His breathing hitched, it was safe to say that Steve was a little confused.

“You’re going soft on me.” He whispered, making you smirk.

“And you’re getting hard on me.”

You moved to slide off his pants entirely before finally getting on top of him again.

The internal struggle visible in his eyes made you giggle.

“Steve, would you relax?”

“Untie me.” He asked yet again.

“Why?” You raised a brow.

“Because I want to touch you” his voice was softer than before. You could hear how hard he tried to sound stern. How hard he tried not to beg.

You didn’t reply as you spit in your hand, reaching down to coat Steve's hard cock with your saliva. You reached over to the nightstand to grab the lube, giving him one more soft kiss before squeezing some of the sticky liquid on his cock. You gave him a few more strokes before finally sinking down on him carefully.

His eyes rolled back and he let out a satisfied groan. Even over his shirt, you felt the vibrations rumble in his chest as your fingertips pressed into the soft flesh, making you moan.

You slowly started riding him, slightly raising your hips with every sway, making his hard cock slip halfway out of your asshole every time before plunging back in as your cock rubbed against the patch of hair going up his lower belly.

You were in heaven.

“If I untie you, do you promise you’ll be a good boy?” You questioned. You were a mess, eyes closed and mouth slightly hanging open in pure bliss.

But Steve was stubborn. He kept his mouth shut and watched you ride him.

You groaned impatiently and grabbed his jaw, squeezing his cheeks between your fingers.

“I asked you a question, Steve.”

You squeezed your hole tightly around his throbbing cock, before stilling your movements.

“Are you going to be a good boy?”

Steve tried bucking his hips up in frustration but you didn’t move.

“I’ll take that as a no.”

Steve expected you to lift off him, tease him some more, just like he would do when you were being a brat. But you didn’t.

You kept moving at a slow, sensual pace. You whined as you trailed your hands over his chest, to his neck once more before moving them to your own body. The tingling sensation of his hot skin lingered on your fingers as you ran them over your own chest, imagining it were Steve’s rough hands softly caressing your skin.

As he watched you, and he felt you, Steve realized how handsome you were. Not that he had never noticed before, just not like this. Soft moans and whimpers tumbling from your lips as you moved on top of him, your fingers trailing over your soft skin.

His hands itched, god he would do anything to touch you right now, but he also noticed how being restrained from doing so made everything so much more intense.

It was different from when he had you tied up. You weren’t being as cruel as he would be. You didn’t toy with him as much and you weren’t nearly as mean, quite the opposite actually. You were being so soft and sweet.

That’s when it hit him. You didn’t want control. You just wanted some soft loving.

“Untie me”

“No.”

“Untie me, baby please?”

“Steve” you whined

“Untie me and I’ll give you what you want.”

You tore your eyes open, glaring down at him.

He let out a deep sigh before uttering the words “I’ll be a good boy.”

You couldn’t believe he actually said it. Steve never gave up control. Ever.

“Just let me touch you? Please?” He begged.

Steve Rogers. Captain freaking America, begging you to let him touch you.

He was right, you were a horrible dom.

You moved your hands to the cuffs. The fingerprint scanner Shuri had put in there proved to work perfectly as they clicked open the second your finger pad touched the middle part.

“You can keep the cuffs, just know that they only open with my touch” you said, flinging the piece of vibranium on the floor.

“Good, I don’t plan on using them with anyone else.” Steve breathed, sitting up as his hands flew to your waist.

He put his head against your chest, the side of his face pressed against your sternum.

“Steve” you exhaled. Part of you had expected him to take back control right away, flipping you over and fucking you into the mattress until you came so many times you saw stars (and stripes lol).

Instead, Steve just held you like that for a while.

This was probably the most intimate moment you had ever shared with Steve. And it made you realize how much you had been longing for this, how much you needed to just…feel him. To let go with him. Not just of control, of everything. Steve owned you. Mind, body and soul.

The palms of his hands were pressed flat against your back, holding you close against him while your hands played with his hair.

He was still buried deep inside of you, but neither of you moved, just basking in body heat, enjoying each others embrace.

“I’m kinda offended that you feel like you had to tie me up for this.” Steve finally spoke up.

For a split second, you thought you saw hurt flash through his eyes.

“Oh Stevie” you cradled his face, ducking down to press a slow kiss against his lips.

You both moaned into the kiss, suddenly aware of your position, you slowly started moving again.

You both kept each other close as you found a pleasurable pace.

“I’m sorry.” he breathed in between moans.

“W-what for?” You asked hazily.

“For…oh fuck…for making you feel like you…shit…like you couldn’t just…a-ask” he spoke as the pleasure increased with the tempo, his cock hitting your prostate with every move.

“Oh Steve!” You moaned loudly. Feeling his fingers slide down to stroke your cock.

Your orgasm came over you in waves, drowning everything around you out for a blissful moment as you rode it through, marking Steve's chest with your cum.

The clenching of your asshole and the angelic sounds tumbling over your lips made Steve shudder as he shot his hot load inside of you.

“Oh FUCK, BABY!” He almost crushed your body against his. Grip tightening around you as you felt his warm seed covering the fluttering walls of your asshole.

Steve pressed his lips against yours as you both road out your highs.

Chests heaved against one other. The smell of sex surrounded your sweat and cum covered bodies, but neither of you cared.

When he softly pulled away from the kiss, he leaned his forehead against yours before falling back against the bed, taking you with him.

You stayed on top of him for a second until he finally rolled you over and gently pulled out of you.

“I’ll be right back.” He pressed a chaste kiss against your cheek before disappearing into the bathroom.

His absence only lasted a few minutes, but it gave you time to take off your tie, dropping it on the floor next to the rest of your discarded clothes.

Steve returned wearing a fresh pair of boxer shorts, carrying a wet washing cloth and a little towel in his hands.

He only gave you a soft smile. Wordlessly cleaning up the mess between your thighs and on your chest before getting rid of the towel. He gave you one of his clean boxers, fighting off the fresh wave of dirty thoughts that seeing you in his underwear brought on. You quietly put them on, blushing as Steve came to lie down next to you, immediately pulling you close.

“You okay?” You both spoke up at the same time, giggling a little at the slightly awkward moment.

“Yeah, I’m okay.” You said with a smile.

He grinned back at you, “me too.”

A comfortable silence settled in between the two of you. This time you were the one to break it.

“Well…that was…different.”

“Yeah…it was.” Steve replied

“did you..I mean…was it good different or…or bad different?”

Steve turned to look at you. Studying your face for a moment before leaning in and pressing a sweet kiss against your lips.

“I don’t ever want anyone else." He said when he pulled back.

You didn’t know how to reply, so you just looked at him with soft eyes, allowing him to continue.

“I know that this…thing…between us has been… it’s just…I want you to know that it’s more than just blowing off steam or something. And I’m sorry for making you feel like you couldn’t talk to me about…you know…trying to slow it down a little sometimes…”

Trying your best not to burst into tears like a lovesick teenager, you swallowed before speaking again.

“I know you’ve been through a lot, Steve. I just want you to know that…I’m not going anywhere.”

“Me neither, baby. You couldn’t get rid of me if you tried.” he gave you a goofy smile.

“Now who’s going soft on who, rogers?” You teased.

“Keep talking and that’s not gonna be a problem for much longer, sweetheart,” he said, leaning in to capture your lips once more as you felt his cock already starting to harden against your hip.

#male reader fics #gummydummy19 #fanfiction #smut #fluff #steve rogers #smutty thoughts #male reader #captain america smut #captain america #powerplay #good boy

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bliss-in-the-void · 1 year ago

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Why is Satoru so fixated on this idea of “never letting anyone be alone again”?

The answer at face value is obvious, Suguru was alone after they started taking solo missions, but let’s really talk about the gravity of that statement, and also the relevance that Shoko’s “I was there too, you weren’t alone” has with this concept.

I’ll be discussing the manga so spoilers if you aren’t caught up:

This analysis cooks I tell you

In Jujukai 0, Satoru sees that Yuuta tried killing himself with a knife to prevent hurting other people. He wants to confine himself completely and be alone, exactly like what Suguru had to go through a decade earlier. Satoru recognizes this and forces Yuuta to join the first years so that he won’t be alone and face the same descent into madness that Suguru did. He feels that he failed Suguru, and this is shown time and time again throughout the story, such as here:

Here, Satoru had a discussion with Shoko, who is remembering that conversation. He said that he’ll raise the next crop of sorcerers to be allies so no one will be alone (his prime motivation for everything), and then Shoko responds effectively, “I’d never fall in love with either of you, but even still, I was still there, you weren’t alone”

But she isn’t recognizing the full meaning behind Satoru’s words. Because what happened after Satoru became the strongest? This became his belief:

He advanced at such a quick rate that he left Suguru in the dust. And that caused both of them to be alone. He was alone in being the strongest, and Suguru was alone in being unable to reach that same level, alone to deal with curses on solo missions, and alone in his descent of madness. It drove them apart, and got in between their bond.

I think Shoko recognizes that much. But I thought it was weird when she suddenly said “I’d never fall in love with either of you” because it was like…well, yeah, but why say that? Bringing up love seemed kind of random and out of place.

And then I realized it’s because she recognizes that Satoru and Suguru were in love with each other. Being in love with someone means that you feel a certain level of depth unmatched with anyone else. You feel like the two of you are at the top of the world, or in your very own world, apart from the rest, completely untouchable. Time and time again we see this shown throughout Satoru and Suguru’s interactions.

That is what Shoko means when she says “I’d never fall in love with either of you”. She’s saying “I recognize that I never felt the kind of love you two had for each other, but you were still never alone.”

And I get that. But because she doesn’t comprehend the bond they had (and really, she couldn’t, because the only ones who can truly feel it are the two of them), Satoru and Suguru really were alone once they split up. Maybe not physically, but emotionally, they were all alone.

And Satoru left Suguru first. Not physically, but emotionally. Because of the stark difference in their abilities. And that is what lead Suguru down his dark path, because he felt alone, and Satoru wasn’t there to chase away his contempt for non-sorcerers like he used to.

When Satoru says he wants to raise strong allies so no one is alone, he’s saying that he wants no one to be the strongest, he wants everyone to be at the same level, so that there’s no barriers, there’s no blind reliance on power causing someone to take what they have in front of them for granted like he did to Suguru.

That’s why this hits harder given that context:

“Trust, huh? To think you still had some of that for me.”

Suguru spent these last 10 years thinking that Satoru didn’t trust him, didn’t need to, because of the difference in their abilities. Why trust someone else when you need only rely on your own powers? Or, in the animated version, Suguru says,

“You want to talk about trust? I didn’t think I still had any of that left, with the shit I went through.”

Satoru left him alone when he “alone became the honored one,” breaking Suguru’s trust. From that point, he didn’t pay real attention to Suguru. When he asked Suguru “have you lost weight? Are you okay?” And accepted Suguru’s half-baked answer, that showed Suguru that Satoru didn’t really care. Or at least, wasn’t paying enough attention to know something was seriously wrong. Broken trust. Satoru had abandoned him and their bond.

Too late, Satoru recognizes this. And he makes his vow to raise the next generation to be strong allies so that no one gets left behind like Suguru or isolated and “special” like himself. You can even see it when he decides to put Itadori in the room right next to Megumi. He never wants it to happen again.

#jjk #jjk meta #jujutsu kaisen #satosugu #gojo satoru #geto suguru #stsg #suguru geto #satoru gojo #jujukai #jjk spoilers #satosugu meta #jujutsu kaisen meta #jujutsu kaisen analysis #satoru x suguru

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acciocriativity · 11 months ago

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-> When they reject you…

… but it wasn't a confession (MATZ Version)

Genre: angst (I'm sorry)

Warnings/tags: angst; unrequited love (?); Seonghwa being a little asshole; heartbreak; just betrayal guys

WC: 1,4 k

N/A: Yes, this is inspired by that Colin scene in Bridgerton, to be honest I still not forgave him for that.

Please reblog my work if you enjoyed it, it helps to reach other people <3

WOOSAN version

Ateez Masterlist

Park Seonghwa (박성화)

You had no reason to be up right now. Actually if anything, you should’ve been sleeping for hours now to rest for the early morning ahead of you, yet somehow you were still waiting to make sure he was safe and sound.

You heard them from the hallway, a combination of the dead silence in the building and their loud voices. You heard only sounds that didn’t make any sense to you, but it made you get up in hurry.

This isn’t good, there was something wrong with Seonghwa, you knew it.

The apartment was small, there wasn’t stairs to go down or a long way to cross to reach the door. In a few steps after you left your room, Seonghwa’s and Yunho’s voices became clear to you.

“Shh, keep your voice down, are you trying to wake everyone up?”, Yunho whisper-screamed, but his tone was far from angry, there was a residue of laughter on his voice.

“No”, he almost whined as you heard the constant jiggles from Seonghwa’s chains bag, like he was struggling against Yunho. “I told you I don’t want to live with her anymore, take me to the dorms for the night”.

That took you by surprise, you didn’t know what to do with yourself.

Ever since you two became roommates two years ago, he never gave you any signs that he needs some time away from your company, which would be completely okay, but to hear him say that to his friend made you feel so humiliated. You tried so hard to be friendly, to make him and all of his friends at home and all he did was pretend to do the same, welcoming you into his life.

Was this how he talked about you behind your back? Did they all know he hated living with you?

You feel something burning, maybe it was the bit of love for him, you had or the tears you refused to cry over this.

“Hyung, com’on, it's not that bad, you need to sleep and think clearly about this”, Yunho tried his best for a while, you could tell this wasn’t the first or second time he said those words.

They got closer to the door, only then you realized you were spying on them. If you were embarrassed before, now you felt mortified, but somehow you couldn’t move an inch.

What exactly made him feel uncomfy at home, because you were completely in the dark about those feelings, whatever they were. Did he seem off those days? You can’t remember, he was as sweet to you as he’s always been. But the man on the other side of the door was done, he was huffing and puffing like an immature child because he didn’t want to be at your home. The Seonghwa you thought was a friend couldn’t be more different than the man you are listening to right now.

“She is that bad”.

You breathe in.

There’s no way, absolutely no way.

“You should just tell her, y’ know”, Yunho said in that soft tone you hear more than once directed at you.

“I did”, Seonghwa raised his voice and that startles you. “She just doesn’t get the hint, I gave her too many signs to move on already”.

You don’t hear whatever answer Yunho gave him nor the sequential sounds of each number of the door code. You could only hear all the deep conversations you had together, where he told you he would be there for you anytime you needed, that he’d give a shoulder when you needed one. He was the one that made you open up to him and for what?

The door opened wide

They stood there like two idiots caught dirty-handed. Seonghwa couldn’t look at you in the eyes, a fucking coward he truly was. He was just like the others in your life, your worst nightmare became true.

There were tears pooling in your eyes as you closed more and more in your own head again, all of those months worth of improvement wasted.

Your mind screamed for you to move, to run out of there as fast as you could to as far as possible. But why should you? The voice in your head was bitter and angry. This was your apartment at first, even though you didn’t hesitate to call it ‘our’.

“Leave then, am I forcing you to live here with me? Did I even say I was interested in you? Get your shit by tomorrow night and get off my face.

You shut the door close on their faces.

Kim Hongjoong (김홍중)

The library wasn’t as empty as you wished it would be at 21:39, to study or do something near closing hours would be pointless for most, but you needed only more 79 words to finish your essay and your mama raised no bitch.

You watch the numbers change on your phone, exactly 20 minute from now you have to finish this. You’ve been here all evening, you can’t bring yourself to do it at home. No, you are going to finish this, get home, get a nice shower and re—

“I think you’re actually going insane, no offense though”.

You could recognize that voice anywhere. That fucker said he didn’t have time to study with you, again. Did he come to check on me? The thought crossed your head, but you shut it down just as fast, that wouldn’t make any sense, would it? He was ignoring you for a week now, no calls, no texts, nothing. Did he even know you were here? He would, if he saw the text you sent at noon.

You stared at your screen, the white was blurring your vision after so long. You took that as a sign to take a little 5-minute break.

Alright Hongjoong, this is your last chance to redeem yourself, this is the last time I’d bother to try.

You couldn’t see where he was from your seat, but his voice seemed to be coming from the sets of tables on the other side of the bookshelves. At the very least he deserved a little jump scare, he should have it coming as payback, so you don’t feel bad as you tiptoed to spy on where he was.

You moved a couple books to the side to see it better. He had his phone glued to his ear as he paced around. Distracted, as you needed, but the little mischievous demon on your shoulder disappeared as you paid close attention to his distressed disposition. There were few moments where you saw him so tense and stressed. Whatever the other person was saying, wasn’t good news.

“No, that’s… I see, but that makes it worse, no? I can’t tell her like this, hm…”

The lilac pencil case on top of the table distracted you from the big picture. The table was a mess from two people, the distinction was clear as day. Hongjoong wouldn’t be caught dead with anything other than black or red on his bag. It was clear it wasn’t his, so whose was?

The answer walked in with a concerned look on her face. Was that the ‘her’ in the conversation? He ended the call as soon as she got close. They stood near each other, too near for two people who just met.

“Are you sure she’s going to be okay?”, she leaned into him as if on instinct, a feeling you could relate to, he had something in him that attract people to him.

He took a deep breath. “I don’t know, I wish to keep a normal friendship with her someday”.

“It’s better to just call her, it’s been long enough for her to get over you”.

Is this ‘her’ me? You hoped not, whatever this was, you hated.

You felt sick to your stomach as they held hands, so you left Hongjoong alone, like he clearly wanted to. He wasn’t the type to open up to new people, she wasn’t new, and he never told you about it. There wasn’t secrets in your friendship, at least he said so, but there was a lot you don’t know, apparently.

If that’s you… if he was talking about you, did he just ignore you for almost two weeks because he thought you would get in the middle of his relationship?

You phone rang.

It was him, but you didn’t bother to answer, and he didn’t bother to try again. There’s nothing to salvage anymore.

Tag list: @h3arteyes4mingi

#ateez x reader #ateez imagines #ateez scenarios #ateez reactions #ateez headcanons #ateez masterlist #hongjoong x reader #seonghwa x reader #ateez angst #seonghwa reactions

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sunlightmurdock · 10 months ago

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Like This Forever | 0.4 | Jake Seresin x Reader

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Synopsis: Chapter Four. Jake has questions. The answer grows more complicated by the minute. He has a lot of thoughts on your situation.

Warnings: talks of abortion / decision to get an abortion. We’re pro-choice over here. This is an accidental pregnancy fic. Lying. Bickering. Reader being very conflicted and Jake being oblivious. Friends to lovers. Country-Singer!Jake au.

…

“So, who’s the father?”

“You don’t know him.” This feels like a strange place to be having this conversation. Your warped, horizontal view of Jake’s face doesn’t hinder the focus on his features, all scrunched with focus. This argument isn’t one that will be over quickly. Your best friend is like a dog with a bone when it comes to wanting more information out of you — you should have dropped this bombshell on him in a place with an easier escape route.

“I know everyone that you know, Sunny — who’s the father?” Jake presses, turning you onto your back without even touching you. Just his proximity as he leans closer and stares furiously at your face makes you shrink backward into the sheets. He’s crowding over you, awkwardly sticking you to the bed. He hasn’t exactly got you pinned down, but he’s in the way of you moving, and he knows it.

“It doesn’t matter.” You sigh, turning your head from him. His cologne fills your nostrils and confuses your senses. Strong scents are about as offensive as something can be to you these days but all you want at the same time is to bury your face into his neck.

The last time he was on top of you was at the Darkstar. The night all of this mess started. You wish you remembered more of it. The only thing you really remember, is how good he felt.

But your moment of remembrance is over the second that Jake opens his mouth again. Now that you’re both grown up, it’s easy to forget how much the two of you bickered as kids, and how Jake used to get under your skin back then.

“Why are you lying? — Is it Rooster? — Did you fuck Rooster?” Jake’s fingers are electric as he grabs hold of your forearm to keep you from retreating any further. Instantly, he’s that same little boy who knew exactly how to get under your skin, and you’re the same girl who knew how to make him cry for his mommy.

You’ve never torn away from his touch as quickly as you do now. Your face changes and both of your hands fly up from beside your sides, shoving hard at the faded graphic tee covering his chest before he has even had a chance to register the disgusted look on your face. He wasn’t pinning you down, or even touching you, or even bracing his own weight properly — he falls back easily.

He tumbles, the mattress and himself both making unanimous sounds of complaint. Already, he’s opening his mouth and getting ready to argue with you, his nose all wrinkled up and his eyes narrowed seriously.

“No, I didn’t fuck Rooster!” You’re over him in an instant, pointing one of those red, gelled nails in his face like he’s a dog who pissed on the carpet. Up until now, you didn’t realize that you were angry with Jake. Maybe you haven’t been all along, but you’re so angry now that it feels like you could have been burning mad at him since the two of you left the bar that morning.

He’s the one who didn’t wear a condom, he knows you’re not on birth control. But you’re the idiot who fucked him without one and didn’t even try to get a plan B. You know Jake by now, he’s exactly the same as he was when he was a teenager; couldn’t pull out of driveway let alone a pretty girl.

“I fucked a loser from back home. Thanks for the reminder.” Both of your hands come down hard and shove at his shoulders again, the worn mattress dipping under his weight while he stares up at you, still bewildered by how easily you just shoved him onto his back. The words would be more cutting if he knew you were talking about him.

Jake almost reaches for your arm again, but doesn’t. He bunches the faded blue, dated florals of the sheets into his fists and just watches you stand up. His decision to give you some space is quickly overturned; he still doesn’t have his answer.

“Tell me his name.” Jake follows you up and reaches you in one stride. He’s not going to let it go any time soon. This time, when his hand touches the small of your back, it’s more gentle. An apology, without really having to say it. “Please, Sunny. I just want to know that you’re going to be alright.”

Fuck. Your lie is catching up to you minutes in. Your heartbeat is thudding through your arms and legs and you just know that your little bundle of joy is going to have you puking again in no time.

“Ethan.” You then slowly to face him.

“Ethan Oaks? — The cop?” Jake gawks. You shake your head weakly. Jake knows you wouldn’t touch that bully with a ten foot pole. It’s got to be at least believable if you’re going to drag a third person into your web of lies, it’s got to be someone who you would have potentially still slept with. Jake’s eyes go wide and round, cat-like almost. “You fucked ET?”

No, you haven’t fucked Ethan Thorne — affectionately known as ET, both because of his name and because of his obsession with the extraterrestrial. But, you did give him a handjob in high school and Jake knows that. Jake saw it. You know Jake remembers how you had wrestled him to the ground in the hallway of that house party and sworn him to silence all those years ago.

You’ve known Ethan almost as long as you’ve known Jake. He’s a dirty blonde, exceptionally tall, bean-pole kind of skinny guy who always treated you like you were heaven sent.

“You fucked ET?” Jake’s voice only grows louder and more wild, his eyes narrowing in absolute disbelief. You take a step back, extending the distance between you and rubbing awkwardly at your temple. “When? — How? — Why?”

“I was bored.” You answer him weakly. You’ve slept with worse men for stupider reasons. There isn’t much to do back in Driftwood when Jake’s busy. “You were working. You know he’s always had a crush on me.”

“Plenty of guys have crushes on you! You fucked ET!” Jake rants, following you with each step back you take. He’s about to walk you right through the thin walls of this dusty motel. You lift your hand and poke a finger into his chest to keep him from following.

He stops.

Then, your hands push into your hair and the idea of throwing yourself on the ground and launching a full-blown, screaming, crying tantrum, is starting to look more appealing by the minute. You huff out a sigh, “Look, I don’t want to stand here and argue about all of the people we regret fucking, Jake. I don’t feel good.”

His eyes flicker downward, landing on your stomach like he’s expecting to see a difference. Like he’s expecting to be confronted with this thing that’s making you feel so awful, and screwing up all the fun you’re supposed to be having.

When he looks back up, you can tell he’s thinking the exact same thing he was before. You fucked Ethan Thorne. Really, his inner monologue focuses on the slightly deeper point of: you fucked Ethan Thorne, and you didn’t tell him about it.

Finally, he takes a step forwards and opens his arms, stretching them out towards you. You weakly shuffle closer. He wraps himself around you and closes his eyes. All too willingly, you fall into his olive-branch hug, resting your head against his chest and closing your eyes finally.

For a moment, it’s nice. Jake does exactly what you need him to. He just holds you. Your moment is done and gone far too quickly.

“You could tell everyone it’s mine.” He breathes out. Turning his face towards your neck, you feel his lips softly brush your skin. His fingers curl into the back of your t-shirt. He’s trying to imagine what you’ll look like in a few months from now, when there’s a big bump sitting between the two of you.

It doesn’t even require much thought; it’s one of the first things that crosses his mind. Everyone would believe it. Your mothers would be thrilled.

But just like that, you’re back to square one. You lied to get him out of the picture, and here he is, trying to claw himself back in. You close your eyes, pressing tighter into the fabric of his shirt and the smoky scent of his cologne.

“Jake—“

“I’m serious. I can take care of you, Sunny,” He sighs, arms flexing as he draws you closer again, leaving you with no choice but to turn your cheek against his chest. “My family love you. I love you. We could help you with him.

Him. God, he’s already picturing this. He’s making it real. How long could you really keep it to yourself? — Walking around Driftwood with a little boy, hoping that no one notices the way his smile is wide-stretching and dimpled, just like Mary-Lynn Seresin’s, or the way his wild laugh reminds them of the boys that used to tear through town all together.

“Jake.” You shove at him, all of your anger pooling together in the centre of your chest and stinging like your heart is on fire. It’s all got to go somewhere, and this time it rushes to your head. Your eyes burn, filling with too many tears to even attempt to hold back. “Stop it. I said it’s not yours.”

“But—“

“Drop it.” You spit back at him, your face burning with a sudden flush of accelerating anger. Your temper has sparked and Jake recognises the look in your eyes. Twenty years ago, that look was a clear warning that you were about to start screaming and pulling his hair. “I don’t need anything from you.”

“You’re so full of shit— you know I didn’t mean it like that,” With the two of you being so close, Jake has never come across anything he would be afraid of saying to you. He’s definitely not afraid of telling you when you’re pissing him off. “It’s not about money. You want to get stuck raising a kid with ET? — You don’t even like him.”

“I’m not raising anything with anybody!” You bite back, narrowing your eyes at him. He stares back at you. “This fucking thing has already ruined my life for like a week straight. I’m getting rid of it the first chance I get. Now drop it!”

There’s a quiet, a clarity to your face that has never been worth arguing with. Jake would never argue with you over this anyway. He wouldn’t tell you, but he’s glad. He hasn’t ever really thought about you having a family of your own; about the chair next to his at Thanksgiving suddenly being empty.

Still, your business is his business as far as he has always been concerned. With a softer expression than before, he lowers his head and makes an attempt at meeting your gaze. “Are you even going to call him? — You don’t think he deserves to at least know?”

“No, I don’t, Jake.” You answer back. “This is like getting a UTI. I’m going to see a doctor, I’m going to get it taken care of — and the sperm donor doesn’t ever need to know what he did.”

“Right.” Jake says quietly, thinking it over in his head. There’s a sick feeling in the pit of his stomach that he just can’t shake. He always wears a condom, always. But still, if there was a girl out there, who thought he didn’t need to know…

He shakes his head and reaches for you one last time. His fingers wrap around your forearm and give a soft, reconciliary squeeze. “Yeah. You’re right. I’m sorry.”

This time, you don’t wait for him to hug you. You throw yourself into his arms and with one hand on my the back of your neck and the other spreading around your waist, he drags you to him, gathering you against his chest.

His thick arms wrap around you as you sprawl into him, head tucked under his chin, listening to the sound of his heartbeat. It’s hard to pinpoint exactly when Jake got so big. You still remember the days before he outgrew you. You don’t remember his hugs feeling different.

As he holds you, you focus onto the deep breaths he takes. His lungs filling and emptying, pushing and pulling you against him like the drag of the tide. His fingers stretch across your nape, brushing at the edges of your hairline.

“You know I just worry about you.” Jake mumbles, turning his face towards your hair. Eyes closed, he revels in the familiar smell of your shampoo. As far from home as he already is, this smell makes him feel like he’s right there again. Inhaling the scent of vanilla, you’re under his comforter and the two of you are sleeping into the late hours of the morning, waiting until his Mom calls you down for something to eat.

His fingers squeeze into your skin. He loves those mornings.

This doesn’t make you feel so sick anymore, now that you don’t have to look him in the eye. It’s easy enough to pretend that none of this is happening, and that this won’t change anything. You prod the tip of your index finger into his stomach, trying to lift the mood, “That’s not your job. I’m supposed to worry about you, remember?”

You promised his mom, right before you left, that you’d take good care of her boy. She had smiled knowingly, and shot you a quick wink, knowing that you have always been two strides ahead of Jake in all of the trouble that the two of you have gotten into over the years. Not this time. You won’t drag him into this.

“Yeah, yeah, you’ll get your turn.” He scoffs into your temple, squeezing his arms tighter and hearing you moan in complaint against his shoulder. Quickly, it crosses his mind that he should be more gentle with you in your condition. Then, he wonders if that would upset you too. You wrap your arms around your waist and sigh. He stays as he is.

Maybe it’s not the right thing to ask. He hasn’t ever thought about how he should speak to a pregnant woman, or what they might want to do. But he knows you. He knows that if he lets you, you’ll sit here all night, staring at these four walls and driving yourself crazy.

“Mickey wants to drive down to that bar in town, shoot some pool. You feelin’ up to comin’ with us?” He asks softly.

And an hour later, you’re a couple miles down that long, empty stretch of road, perched on a stool and wincing as Bob almost pockets the white ball once again. This would be the third time. Luckily, Jake sticks his hand out and catches the ball before it dips into the hole.

“Alright, Floyd — that’s it, you’re done.” Dropping the ball back onto the table, Jake twists his cap backwards and sticks his hand out for the cue, shaking his head in disappointment.

Natasha is laughing as she pats Bob on the back, Bob is watching the ground with the cutest little schoolboy blush spread across his cheeks. Rueben is in the bathroom, Javy’s thrilled that he now has Jake as a game partner instead of Bob, Mickey’s intermittently watching the baseball game on the screen to his left. Rooster’s leaning over the bar, telling the pretty little bartender everything she’s ever wanted to hear a man with pretty brown eyes like his say.

None of them are looking at you.

Even if you’re sipping on root beer, it’s nice to feel this normal again. Even if you’re tired, and sluggish, and not entirely sure that you’re not that far from vomiting. The smell of overfilled drip trays and cheap cologne, and the ensemble of background noise makes it all that little bit better.

“Watch and learn, Bobby Boy.” Jake swaggers, showing off just the one-dimple with his crooked smirk as he leans over, lines up and shoots. The white ball crashes into a numbered blue one, sending that one uniformly into the pocket. With that, Jake stands up straight again, turns and shoots Bob a quick wink.

To most, this is arrogance. From an outside perspective, Jake sometimes comes across as provocative — and he can be. He doesn’t shy away from looking someone in their eyes. He’s confident, and straight to the point. That has rubbed a lot of people the wrong way over the years, including the people on this tour. Every single person here has threatened Jake at least once. Sometimes he just needs to be put in his place.

However, there’s a look on Bob’s face as Jake lines up to take his next shot that Jake would be thrilled to see, if he was watching. Bob’s standing now with one elbow leaned against a high table, his lips are twisted into an almost awkward frown. He doesn’t have it in him to glare with those big, baby-blue eyes, but if he did he would be.

When Bob steps up to the table to take his next turn, he’ll know that Jake will be waiting to poke fun and swoop in again. He won’t miss the shot. That’s what Jake wants.

You wish he would go about it differently, but you know that growing up with a father like Bill Seresin teaches a person a lesson or two about tough love. There are worse things than to want the people around you to succeed, you suppose.

“Thinkin’ hard?” Rueben is back from the bathroom, and draping one of his heavy arms around your shoulders. He’s even bigger than Rooster, broad and a classic kind of handsome. You’ve been tempted once or twice to ask him to work security, but you just wouldn’t be able to forgive yourself if that pretty face got all messed up.

“Hardly thinkin’.” You answer back, smiling as you bring the root beer to your lips. He doesn’t know that you’re pregnant. None of them know that it’s Jake’s. You prefer it that way. Soon enough, this will be something you look back on, shudder, and try to forget.

Rueben hums an amused sound from behind you, turning his head. You keep looking forward at the pool table even though you can feel him studying your face, trying to figure you out.

Looking at the big guy, you wouldn’t have guessed that he basically ran Driftwood’s community theatre through his teens. He looks like he should have been the quarterback. Instead, he was the lead in Shakespeare’s greatest hits for six years running. That was before he became a roadie — after that big break-up a couple years ago.

It’s easier for him this way. Flying under the radar suits him. Though, you’ve never seen someone perfect Othello quite as well as Rueben.

“You’re doin’ alright, though, right?” He asks.

“Peachy.” Finally, you grace him with your gaze. He smiles, not believing you in the slightest. He gives your shoulder a squeeze, glances down at the soft drink in your hand, and untangles himself from you.

“Just checking.”

“Sunny,” Jake calls to you. He offers the cue towards you, then nods his head towards the scrabble of balls on the table. “You’re up, buttercup.”

There’s a coolness to you know that Jake hasn’t seen in days. Two steps and you’ve reached him, taken the cue and turned to survey the table. Jake picks up his beer and settles comfortably against the wall behind him. He gulps down a third of the drink at once, watching the way you bend at the waist and line up your shot.

When you stand up again, after sinking the exact ball you had aimed for, you turn around to find that Jake isn’t smiling. He isn’t taunting you, he’s not happy for you, he’s just staring at you with that same look on his face as earlier.

He’s thinking about Ethan Thorne, who’s probably still sitting in his room playing that geeky game about elves right now. Thinking of Ethan’s clammy hands on you. Thinking about the look on your face when you had been talking to Rueben just then.

Finally, he finds it in himself to offer you a hint of a smile. Then, he lifts the bottle to his lips and takes a big gulp.

Maybe you could blame the fetus. You’ve been blaming it for a lot recently. Whatever it is, you don’t realise that Jake is even gone until the group of you are pouring out of that back roads bar at two in the morning. There’s a grin on your face, and a warm flush to your cheeks, and even as the only one sober, you’ve had a blast.

“Where’d Jake go?”

“Rooster’s peeling him off the floor in the men’s room.” Bob tells you, his boots kicking through the gravel as he buckles his belt back up with uncoordinated fingers, swaying slightly side to side.

“The — huh? — I just saw him.” You frown, slowing down and turning to check.

Sure enough, Rooster’s holding Jake under his arms and the two of them look like they’re trying to perform a risky cheerleading manouver. Jake’s fighting back. Every step that Rooster takes, the two of them are almost tripping on each other, and with the way Jake’s shoving at his shoulders and face, the poor guy can barely see.

Still, Rooster manages to wrestle him into the car. Past that, the big oaf is all your responsibility.

You wince, barely through the door of the motel when Jake wobbles forward and tumbles.

“Woah — oh, fuck.” Jake huffs out. His cheek smushes into the sheet under him and briefly, you think about just leaving him there, laying sideways along that uncomfortable motel bed. Then, he calls for you. First, quietly, just a breath into the room.

After, he calls you once again, more urgently this time.

“Quit yelling, I’m here.” You remind him, pressing you knee unsteadily into the mattress and smoothing your palm along the length of his back. “Kick your boots off.”

With a small exhale, Jake’s brows draw together in focus as he follows your instruction. His boots land haphazardly into the dated carpet, his hands dig under himself to find his belt buckle. The process of undressing him is a shared task, but he winds up with his head on the pillow and most of his clothes on the floor by the end of it.

“C’mere.” He doesn’t open his eyes or even gesture for you, he just speaks his request into the ether and hopes that you’re feeling kind enough to grant his wish.

“We’ve got a long couple days ahead, I don’t want to be up all night with you twitching next to me.” You frown at him. His mouth twitches and he gives a sincere shake of his head.

“I won’t. C’mere, Sunny girl. Please.” He hums out, lifting one arm finally. His hair is fluffy and messed from being tucked under that ages old baseball cap. The slow stretch into summer hasn’t yet started to darken his freckles, which means pink still sits as the most prominent colour across his flushed cheeks, and blonde stubble is settling across his jaw.

“You’re such a baby, you know that?” You scoff. Doesn’t matter that you’re mocking him; he’s smiling. He hears your jeans rattle to the floor and knows your shirt will follow, but his arms reach for you from the second that the bed dips with your weight anyway.

Stretching around your waist, tucking around your middle, he confirms that you’re sleeping in his t-shirt and buries his nose into the curve of your neck.

Baby. The word fills his intoxicated mind, and his hands follow. His open palms stretch, warm, across your stomach. You stare at the far wall, studying a disturbed patch in the paint. A quick fix job. The air conditioning whirs. You swear you can hear Jake’s ever-steady heartbeat outloud.

Why isn’t his heart thudding the way yours is?

“You’d make a good mom one day.” Jake says quietly. His thumb trails from your bellybutton down to the waistband of your cotton underwear. There’s no intent there, he’s just touching you, and it’s okay, because it’s Jake.

Your hand finds his, fingers linking together and resting there against skin that’s still entirely yours. Not stretched to accommodate someone new. Exactly the way you want it to be still. You squeeze his hand, “Go to sleep, Jake.”

“I think you should tell ET.” He adds, his voice growing gruffer as sleep comes from him. If you answer, it’ll just keep him up. “I’d… wanna know. If it was mine.”

Five seconds pass, and that becomes ten. You’ve counted to sixty before Jake’s hand relaxes in yours and his weight presses heavier into your back. He’s not really holding you, he’s just got himself all tangled around you. It’s easy enough to turn around in his arms, press your face into the warmth of his bare chest, and finally breathe.

“Night, Jake.” You whisper softly, lips grazing his skin.

At 10am the next morning, Jake’s still in that exact spot, sleeping off his hangover ahead of tonight’s show. You’re a couple of miles west, laying on a cold bench in a doctor’s office. Mickey Garcia is sitting in the waiting room, especially hungover. They told you that you would need someone to drive you home.

Mickey glances towards the clock on the wall and realizes that it’s broken. There’s also a dead fly wedged under the hour hand. Exhaling, he leans his head back and closes his eyes. If this hurries up, he might be able to make McDonald’s breakfast — he’s rarely up in time for that.

He hasn’t been waiting long, he doesn’t know how long exactly abortions take, but when you kick his ankle and startle him to attention, he figures that it can’t have been long enough.

Standing there in front of him, Mickey realizes he has never seen you crying before today. It’s unnerving.

“You… want me to call Jake…?”

“Why the fuck would you call Jake?” You bark back at him. The other three women in the waiting room all look up at you towering over his poor curly-haired kid, in hysterics yourself.

“… Because he’s your best friend?” Mickey frowns at you, wide-eyed. He has seen you sprinting away from an angry bull before but you’ve never looked this level of crazy. That receptionist to his left probably has a panic button under her desk. Subliminally, Mickey urges her to press it. “Did you… do it?”

“No.” Your voice cracks and Mickey’s eyes grow wider.

He wants to know. He should have just kept his mouth shut, and this would all be fixed by now, but he told you that he would want to know. Laying back against that chair and begrudgingly glancing over at that screen, seeing the garbled mass of grey on the ultrasound— all you could think of was Jake wanting to know.

The decision is yours, and it will be. But he just wants to know. You slept last night with your head on his chest, but woke up this morning all turned around with his palm securely on your stomach once again.

He would never have lied to you. Not about something this big. You shouldn’t have lied to him. Especially not if you were never going to keep it.

“So… are you going back in?” Mickey interrupts your train of thought.

“No.” You answer him weakly. You’ll try again another time. Once you figure out how to tell Jake that you wouldn’t let Ethan Thorne touch you with a ten foot pole — and that you’ve been so busy with his damn tour, he’s the only guy you’ve actually had sex with in months.

It’s yours. I’m not keeping it. Six words — can’t be that complicated to just spit out. Tonight’s Colorado show is sold out. Afterwards, Jake is going to be on an all-time high. All you need to do is get him alone, and explain what this kid would do to his career, explain why you lied. He’d get it.

Just a couple more days like this, and then your life goes back to normal.

…

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#jake seresin #jake hangman seresin #jake seresin x reader #jake Seresin fic #jake Seresin x you #jake seresin x y/n #Glen powell #countrysinger!jake #like this forever #jake x sunny

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nightghoul381 · 1 month ago

Text

Robin Doesn't Know the Evil Hiding in the Shadows ~ Ellis Twilight ~ Chapter 1

This a fan translation so it is definitely not 100% accurate. I do not own anything related to Ikemen Villains. Support Cybird by buying their amazing stories!

Part 1 | Part 2 | Bitter End | Premium End | Epilogue

The inside of the cake shop was filled with a sweet aroma.

Ring sat across from me, and Harry sat beside me.

Being a group of three guys felt a little out of place and uncomfortable, but…

The cake that was brought out was so delicious that I quickly forgot about it.

Ring: “…Now that I think of it, Miss Robin isn’t here today.”

After eating a lot of cake, Ring suddenly spoke up.

Harrison: “I see. I thought you were tempted by the cake, but you’re actually here to see her?”

Ring: “Tch, that’s not it. I accepted the invitation because Dari told me to be friends with Crown…”

Ring: “I was just curious because Ellis and Miss Robin are often together…Nothing deeper to it”

Harrison: “Haha, he’s not lying.”

Ring: “Yeah…So Ellis, could you please stop with the murderous aura?”

Ellis: “…?”

Harrison: “Ellis, your hand.”

Harry looked annoyed so I looked down at my hands.

Unconsciously, my hand had moved to the hilt of my dagger.

As soon as I let go, the tension I didn’t realize I had been holding in my entire body, relaxed.

Ring: “…When I sense murderous intent coming from you, I have a desire to retaliate.”

Ring: “I’m sure what I said just now caused some misunderstanding, so that’s my fault…”

Ellis: “No… I’m the one who’s sorry.”

Ellis: “When I thought that someone other than me might have feelings for her, I…”

Harrison: “Yeah, yeah, that’s enough of the sweet talk. If you talk so sweetly, I won’t be able to taste the cake, so I’ll stop you here.”

Harrison: “But, it is surprising that Kate isn’t here. What is she doing today?”

Ellis: “Kate is participating in an event.”

It happened this morning before Kate left—

--Flashback—

Kate: “Ready…let’s go!”

Ellis: “Have a nice trip. I’m looking forward to hearing about your event.”

Before leaving, Kate turned around, put her hands on my shoulders and stood on her tiptoes.

(…Ah, she’s trying to kiss me.)

I tilted my head slightly to avoid Kate’s lips.

Her soft lips fell onto my cheek.

Kate: “…Huh!?”

Ellis: “Fufu…. Sorry.”

Ellis: “I thought you’d stay a little longer if I didn’t kiss you goodbye.”

Kate: “Ah, Ellis, you’re so mean…!”

Kate is as cute as ever today, even though she’s angry and her face is bright red.

(I wish I could stay like this with Kate forever…)

(…I wish I could just lock you in my arms and never let you leave.)

The thick desire was threatening to overflow from my heart, so I quickly put a lid on it.

Ellis: “I’ll stop being so mean.”

Kate: “Mm..”

Since her lipstick would come off, I limited it to a simple kiss and released Kate.

Ellis: “…When you get back, let’s continue that, okay?”

Kate: “……yeah.”

--End Flashback—

Harrison: “She’s at an event… Well, why don’t you by some cake for Kate while you’re here?”

I was remembering how cute Kate was this morning, but Harry’s words brought me back to reality.

Ellis: “…That’s right. When Kate gets back, we’re having dinner together.”

I got up from my seat and approached the display case where the takeaway cakes were being sold.

(Oh… I remember Kate saying she liked this chocolate cake before.)

(And it’s the last one.)

Ellis | Haggard man: “Can I have that chocolate cake, please…”

My voice and the man next to me sounded exactly the same.

We look at each other and then there’s an awkward silence.

(I wanted to feed it to Kate, but…)

(…I’m sure Kate would give it to the other person with a smile in a situation like this.)

I could easily imagine her doing that and chuckled.

Ellis: “…Please go ahead. I’ll have a different cake.”

Haggard man: “Is that okay?”

Ellis: “Yes. I can always come here and eat with Kate again, and this cake also looks delicious.”

When I encouraged him to buy it, the man’s eyes lit up with joy.

Haggard man: “Thank you. Today is the anniversary of my late wife’s death…”

Haggard man: “She was sick and before she died, she wasn’t able to eat her favorite foods, so I really wanted to buy them for her.”

Haggard man: “Thank you so much.”

The man continued to thank me profusely as he bought the cake.

Harrison said he was going to the publisher, so I said goodbye to Ring at the palace and returned to Crown castle.

Roger and Jude called out to me.

Jude: “Didja just get back?”

Roger: “There’s been some progress on that case, so let’s go discuss it in another room.”

Ellis: “The ‘serial doctor murders’? Got it, I’ll be right there.”

Lately we’ve been investigating a series of murders that have targeted only new doctors.

(When Kate heard about this incident, she said…)

--Flashback—

Kate: “That’s a really terrible incident…”

Kate frowned as she read the documents outlining the conditions of the brutally murdered bodies.

Ellis: “…It’s a cruel case, so don’t push yourself Kate.”

Kate: “Thank you. But, it’s okay. I’m not looking at the body directly.”

She gave me a reassuring smile and then traced the letters on the document with her fingertip.

Kate: “Not only killing someone, but damaging their body to this extent… that must require a lot of effort.”

As Kate said, the perpetrator continued to damage the bodies even after the victims had died.

Kate: “I don’t think you would do something like this unless you were deeply angry.”

Kate: “…What kind of person is the criminal, and what are they thinking?”

--End Flashback—

(Kate is a kind person who tries to understand the feelings of both the perpetrators and the victims.)

She doesn’t just dismiss their sin as a sin.

Kate values the feelings of those who have reached that point.

(Kate isn’t here today though…)

(I’ll keep in mind what Kate was worried about.)

Roger: “The new information is that the victims, both doctors, attended the same medical school.”

Roger: “So today we’re going to split up and talk to some of the teachers and classmates from the medical school.”

Jude: “What about you? Ya had a rare day off from Raven today.”

Ellis: “I’ll go too.”

Roger: “Oh, you’re motivated.”

Ellis: “Yeah… Today, Kate is at an event that she’s been looking forward to for a long time.”

Ellis: “I don’t want to spoil her fun time with talk of unsolved murders...”

Ellis: “I want to get as much research done as possible before Kate returns.”

Roger: “Oh really? That’s a good idea.”

Roger patted me on the head and laughed.

Part 1 | Part 2 | Bitter End | Premium End | Epilogue

#ikemen villains #ikevil #ikemen villains translation #ikevil translation #ellis twilight #ikevil ellis #ikevil ellis twilight #ikemen villains ellis #ikemen villains ellis twilight

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starrieshq · 2 months ago

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You Are In Love [Kitty & Jemma]

just our favorite Blackthorns ranting about their partners :)

Enjoy!!!

“Hey, Jules?”

Julian turned around to face Ty, headphones around his neck, fidgeting with the cord.

“What’s up, Ty?”

He sat down next to him, gray eyes flickering between meeting Julian’s gaze and his unresting hands.

“I just had a question for you.” He said.

Julian nodded, straightening. Ty didn’t love to ask questions, and preferred to figure out the answer for himself. “Alright.”

“How did you know that you were in love with Emma?”

The question took Julian aback. How did he know what love was? What was Ty going on about?

“Why do you ask?” He responded, keeping his voice steady and reassuring.

Ty wrapped the headphone cord around his finger, winding and unwinding it over and over. “Because I don’t know what to label emotions as. I keep feeling…things, but I don’t know what it is.”

Julian nodded, understanding. “I didn’t know that I was in love with Emma straight away. Actually, it took several years for me to realize.” He did a once over of Ty, who’s face looked as expressionless as ever. “But eventually, I started to see signs.” He faintly smiled, recalling old memories. “I always wanted to be with her, to the point where we would eat all our meals together, train together, we’d even sleep in the same bed.” He glanced at Ty, who looked deep in thought.

“She took my breath away. I felt like I couldn’t breathe, like my heart had stopped. I adored her laugh, her smile, her carefree and slightly reckless personality that made her Emma, that made her the girl that I’d fallen in love with.” He remembered the days when they were a secret, forbidden from their love. “Eventually, she was all I ever thought of. She consumed my mind. I painted her.” Julian wasn’t even sure if this made sense to Ty, if his rambling about Emma and his blatant adoration of her would tell him anything about love. “I painted her hundreds of times, but every time I did, it was never enough. The shades I used for her hair weren't exactly right, or I couldn’t catch the exact tan she had gained from the Sun.”

Julian looked back at Ty. “That’s what love is to me.”

Ty sat quietly, contemplating.

“Does it hurt?”

After a moment, Julian nodded.

“More than anything.”

Ty absentmindedly stared off, deep in thought.

“Are you in love, Ty?”

Ty’s gaze focused back on Julian.

“I have been.” He said, voice steady. “I’ve been in love and I haven’t known it.”

Julian sat back.

“Tell me about it.”

“Well,” Ty started. “He’s beautiful. His eyes look like the sky on a sunny day, and his hair is the fluffiest that I’ve ever seen.” There was a small smile dancing on his lips. “He’s barely shorter than me, maybe one or two inches. He wears the same jacket all the time, but he always looks breathtaking.” Ty’s face was flushed, recalling his memories with this love. “He’s sharp and witty, but he’s never like that to me. He understands me.” Ty dug his fingers into the denim of his jeans. “He’s kind and funny, and he makes me laugh. And I can’t stop thinking about him.” He admitted. “I haven’t been able to for the past three years.”

Julian, knowing full well who Ty was referring to, gently placed a hand on his shoulder. “I used to see you two together all the time. You two complimented each other so well, it’s hard to explain. He brought out something in you, something that I’d never seen before. It was true joy.” Julian swallowed. “But even further, you brought out something in him, Ty.”

Ty looked at him, bewildered and almost astonished at what Julian was saying.

“He was angry, and scared, and bitter at the world.” Julian said. “You showed him that the world is what you make it.”

“But he’s angry at me.” Ty said fretfully. “We haven’t spoken in forever.”

“Forever is an awful long time.” Julian responded. “I hope it truly isn’t forever.”

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fatalforesight · 3 months ago

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i don't think i could stand to be where you don't see me

rhaenyra x alicent, modern day au: the next day. a confrontation, a concert, and a confession. part I here | masterlist here

content: 18+, minors dni. . . stripping in public, reference to smut, alcohol consumption

word count: 4610

Alicent sits in the stillness of the apartment, all alone and pondering. An orange glow hangs heavy over the living room as the sun falls down into slumber. Alicent is dressed, has been dressed. For hours. She’s been sitting here for hours, she realizes, waiting for Rhae’s knock at the door.

The shorts she laid out for her friend are resting on the couch beside her, but they’re not the ones she had worked on into the early hours of the morning. Those shorts are the pair that Alicent herself wears. She had to unstitch almost everything that Rhaenyra had accomplished, on account of her new design. But the R at the beginning had stayed, if only because Alicent felt sentimental seeing it.

Her shorts are not visible, though. Rhae had sent her a text, at around one in the morning, telling Alicent that if they weren’t going to wear underwear under the shorts there was a chance they wouldn’t be allowed into the venue.

What are we meant to do then? Just wear underwear?

wear a skirt on top

You’re sure?

yes

Can we talk?

Rhae hasn’t texted back after that. Alicent cringes, feeling pathetic as she remembers the way she had stared at the backlit phone, willing a response she knew was not coming. In agony, she had thrown herself into finishing the letters on the second pair of shorts, stitching the last Y so tight she had to undo it once she calmed down.

At some point, exhausted, she finally slept and woke up long after the sun had risen. And now she sits, waiting. Unsure at this point if Rhaenyra is really coming or if this was all still some game about punishing Alicent. A punishment for what behavior, she isn’t sure.

In her mind’s eye, sinful images eclipse over one another. Some fantasy, some not. Lips, teeth, the flashes of a camera light. Hands on thighs, going higher. . . higher. . . please. . .

Alicent nervously smooths out the skirt she wears. She wonders what Rhae is planning to wear over her pair. Another skirt? And what exactly are they meant to do with them once they get there? Strip in the bathroom, Alicent supposes. Stuff them in a bag or just leave them there.

This isn’t a behavior she associates with herself. Then again, she isn’t sure any of the past twenty four hours has held any of the decency and honor she normally knows herself for. Alicent feels debauched and a little crazed, unsure and enticed by feelings she knows now she has been shoving down and away from herself.

It’s been years since her father last preached to her from the corner of their living room, detailing all the right and wrong things she could do in life. Her neck is still heavy with the cross he gave her, and sometimes it feels still like he sits right there, against her heart, with the same lectures of brimstone that she remembers him for.

The thought is almost enough to make her tug the beads from her skin, send them flying and reeling like she does inside her own body. Tugged in a million directions. Hating herself from the outside in. Instead, she just picks at her fingers. Rhae usually stops her, makes her wrap bandages on every finger tip so she’ll stop. Sometimes it works. Other times, she just picks at the bandaid instead.

Three knocks at the door. A beat. And then a fourth, rapped lower, near the knob.

Alicent races towards the doors, moving out of stasis and into action, into Rhaenyra. When she opens the door, Rhaenyra is standing tall, with that ever-present smirk she seems to wear. Her fair hair is slicked back, freshly trimmed on the sides while the rest falls behind her neck. She wears a mesh top underneath a screenprint tee of lips in the style of comic printing. A simple red skirt hangs from her hips, and on her feet are tall, buckled boots. The heel puts her several inches over Alicent’s head.

Alicent swallows. “Your shorts are on the couch,” she mumbles. She feels a small bead of blood fall down her finger and onto the floor. “I hope you like them.”

Rhae nods, but doesn’t say anything. She pushes past Alicent into the room and to the couch, picking up and inspecting the shorts. “They look identical to yours,” she notes. Alicent almost tells her, but she can’t make her mouth work. She supposes that’s why she went this route in the first place, after all.

“You’re not, uh,” Alicent stumbles through her words, “wearing the bra, too?”

Rhae shrugs. “You wore it better than me. I figured I’d let you have the moment.”

Alicent frowns, pulling her jacket tighter over herself. “Alright. Well. Throw them on and we can walk then. You can go change in my room.”

“Change?” Rhaenyra asks. Before Alicent can respond, she watches as her friend bends and swipes her feet through the holes and begins sliding the shorts up her legs.

“You’re not– you walked here, uh, w-without underwear on?” Alicent asks, her voice quivering. She wants to die as she feels that tell-tale clench between her legs from yesterday. From many days with Rhae, she is beginning to realize.

“Yeah, I mean, why dirty a pair, right?” Rhae watches her as she brings the shorts up her legs, and she keeps her eyes locked on Alicent as they reach the end of her skirt. Slowly, with great intention, Rhae allows her skirt to bunch at her hands, revealing more and more thigh before it is immediately covered by the shorts again.

Alicent feels herself tremble with anticipation. Rhae’s spine straightens so slowly as finally, finally, the shorts reach the apex of her legs. Time becomes nothing as Alicent’s gaze fixes on the peek of white-blonde hair, the swell of Rhae’s hips, the outline of her mound. And then, in one pull, it’s all gone, hidden beneath the white fabric and the bold proclamation of Rockstars Only. No Alicents allowed.

For a moment, all she can think about is the way those shorts have touched Alicent’s bare skin, and now too they touch Rhaenyra’s. It’s got to be insanity, the way she fixates on that thought, rolls it over and over again in her mind. “Well,” Alicent begins, struggling to compose herself as Rhae eyes her knowingly. “Great. Let’s go.” She tries not to think about the puddle in her own shorts, or the way Rhae must have done that on purpose. Why she did it, Alicent isn’t sure. But she’s beginning to know a tease show when she sees one.

Rhae walks Alicent out of the apartment silently. She waits patiently while Alicent locks the door behind herself. And she’s silent as they walk downstairs, out of the lobby, and begin heading towards the venue. Some bar a few blocks over.

Traffic is slower today than it was when Rhae was with Alicent yesterday. Cars still line the streets, but everything seems drenched in molasses as the sun begins to go down and streetlights turn on. Alicent stays just slightly behind Rhae, watching her more than the street. The way her hair captures light, the way her posture never falters. Not in the way princesses are meant to have great posture, Alicent thinks. In the ways generals do.

But she has gotten too distracted. Without meaning to, or really noticing it’s about to happen, Alicent’s shoulder slams into someone going the opposite direction. The impact hurts, and almost sends her reeling into the street. But strong hands are already clutching her biceps before she can go anywhere. Looking up, Alicent realizes it’s Rhaenyra’s hands.

The man she had slammed into stops, clearly pissed. Alicent feels awful. “I’m so sorry!” she exclaims, reaching out towards him. “Are you alright?”

“Watch where the fuck you’re going–” he starts, but Rhae cuts him off.

“She apologized,” Rhae snaps. “And you’re clearly unhurt, while she almost fell into the street. An apology from you is clearly in order.”

Alicent blushes. “Oh, no, Rhae it’s fine–”

“I’m not going to apologize to some ditz who should have been looking in front of her,” the man argues, agitated.

A noise comes out of Rhae that Alicent has never heard from her friend. Then both of her hands are off of Alicent and on the collar of the man’s shirt. Rhae is slightly taller than him in her boots. “Now is not the time to be a prick,” she tells him, her voice strained. Angry. “Apologize to her.”

For a moment, Alicent is sure the man is going to fight back. But then, with a good glimpse of his face, she realizes he really is intimidated by Rhae. Her friend pushes him back, then steps away so he can look at Alicent.

“Fine, fuck. I’m sorry,” he says, and then rushes down the street, away from Alicent and Rhae.

Alicent’s breathing is heavy. Her arms still tingle where Rhae last touched her, and she’s staring down the street as the man retreats into the city. A warm feeling stirs in her chest. It isn’t unlike things she’s felt around Rhae their whole lives, but now it is more powerful than ever before. It makes her want to fall to her knees, to bring Rhaenyra down with her; it makes her wish Rhaenyra would follow her down.

“Are you alright? That guy was an arse.”

Rhae is speaking to her, but Alicent can’t seem to respond. She can only turn her wide eyes to look at her friend. Her mouth is dropped just slightly open, and all she can think about is how good Rhaenyra looks in the dimming light, how much she wants Rhaenyra to touch her again. Grab her again. Defend her again.

“Ali?” Rhae asks. “We’re going to be late.”

Alicent nods, still unable to speak. Rhae makes a face that Ali can’t place an emotion to. But then Rhaenyra is grabbing her hand and gently tugging her back down the way they were heading. All she can do is follow, tucked close to Rhae as the street gets busier the closer they get to the venue.

She doesn’t even want to go anymore. Not out of the anxiety she felt all day today, worried about what would come when Rhaenyra finally picked her up. But because suddenly, all of the world has faded in color compared to the brightness of Rhae’s hues. No performance could be as impressive as the slope of Rhae’s jaw. No band could play a tune better for Alicent’s ears than Rhae’s voice. No crowd could make Alicent feel seen the way she does when Rhaenyra looks at her. No crowd could make Alicent feel as hidden and small as the way she does when Rhaenyra holds her. Rhaenyra, Rhaenyra, Rhaenyra. The name echoes through Alicent’s head and replaces every prayer her father could have ever taught her.

“Rhae,” she says, her first words since the accident a block back. “Rhae, I have to tell you something–”

“We’re almost there, can’t it wait?” Rhaenyra has that same frustrated tone she had yesterday. No, no. That’s not what Alicent wants at all.

“It can, but it shouldn’t. I just really need to–”

Rhaenyra tugs Alicent harder than she has been. “If it can wait, then tell me later. We’re almost late.”

Alicent shuts up, but she feels powerless. She’s waited too long. She’s missed her chance.

The bar has a line outside the door. At first, Alicent thinks that’s how they’re going to get inside, but quickly realizes that it is the line for people without tickets. This band is more popular than she realized. Rhae leads them to a bouncer, displays their tickets, and then drags Alicent in behind her. She doesn’t say anything. Whatever moment seemed to have happened between them outside has faded entirely.

Alicent gets an X stamped on her hand when she shows her ID. Rhae has been getting drinks for the both of them for the past few months since she’s a little less than a year older than Alicent. “What do you want?” she asks, her first words once they’re inside the main room of the bar. “Tequila sunrise? You liked that last time.”

Liking it. . . maybe not the most accurate word choice. Alicent got totally fucked from two of those things. “Surprise me with something new,” she says. “Maybe something. . . kind of hard.” Alicent knows now what she needs to do. But she has a feeling extra courage would be beneficial to her cause.

Rhaenyra smirks. “Loosening up for the band, hm?” she questions, but she sounds bitter despite her expression. Angry, always angry.

Alicent lets it roll off her back. It won’t matter for long. Rhaenyra will realize band members are the least of her concerns soon. “I guess you could call it that,” she responds, then heads towards the front of the room to secure a good spot.

She pushes through a few throngs of people, ignoring mean comments and disgruntled sounds as she does. If there is one backbone Alicent has, it finds itself here. Concert culture - when to be a bitch and when not to be - is her forte. People standing in circles and speaking among themselves before the music starts. . . toeing the line, but no one is going to get mad enough to get her kicked out.

Finding herself at the lip of the small stage, she gazes at the setup. They haven’t done much to cater to the band’s look - there are no decorations. The instruments all have decals, but Alicent notes they all seem disjointed, like no one can decide what the look for the band should be. It makes her smirk, somewhat cynically. Boys and their egos. They’ve never much appealed to her.

She feels a presence behind her shoulder, and turns to see Rhae holding two drinks in red solo cups. A straw pokes out of one, and Alicent knows that’s hers. She takes it, and frowns at the turquoise color of the liquid. “What is this?” she asks.

“A blue motherfucker,” Rhae answers, straight-faced.

“You’re kidding.”

“I’m not.”

“What’s in it then?” Alicent smells it, but she can’t really get a whiff of any particular liquor. Just a vague, fruity smell.

“Everything,” Rhae answers, and seemingly refuses to elaborate further. Alicent takes a sip through the straw, and is greeted with. . . a confusing, slightly alcoholic, but mostly tangy mixture. It doesn’t taste like any fruit or flavor in particular, and it burns the back of her tongue.

“Jesus Christ,” she mumbles, but begins sipping in earnest nonetheless.

Rhaenyra eyes her as she takes a slow sip of her own. “Trying to get wasted? That thing cost me like fifteen bucks, at least try to savor it.”

Alicent almost spits it back out. “How much alcohol is in this, Rhae?”

She just shrugs. “You asked for something hard.”

Alicent opens her mouth to respond, but suddenly the lights dim and there's a tapping on the microphone behind her. She realizes that people have now crowded into the bar, and she and Rhae are trapped at the front. She begins to panic – her jacket and skirt are still on, and there’s no way Alicent can get to the bathroom now without losing her spot.

Yesterday, she may have been very happy about this revelation. No showcasing to anyone, just sitting back and enjoying a crappy band playing crappy songs that they can make fun of as Rhae walks Alicent home. But Rhaenyra seeing Alicent in the shorts she had spent all night embroidering had become somewhat of an unmitigable goal in her mind.

“Rhae, I need to go change,” Alicent speaks into Rhae’s ear. She knows she imagines it, but for a moment it almost seems that a shiver runs down Rhae’s body.

“Just take it off here,” Rhae answers shortly. “No one is going to care. The lead singer is already eyeing you, anyways. I’m sure he’ll like the show.”

Alicent turns to face the stage, and sees that the band has come out. The lead singer is introducing everyone before they play the first song, and his tone is boring and unimpressive. But sure enough, his eyes keep flickering back to where Alicent and Rhaenyra stand, a glimmer of something reflecting in his eyes.

He’s tall, with dark hair and deep eyes. He wears denim skinny jeans, and Alicent feels immensely turned off.

Alicent huffs in frustration as the first song starts up. She takes out the straw of her drink and proceeds to chug the rest of it – an action she regrets instantly, and yet goes through with nonetheless. When she comes up for air, Rhaenyra is gazing at her with surprise.

“You’ve never done that before,” she says, and Alicent realizes she’s already having to yell to be heard over the sound of the music and the crowd. The air is getting hot and stuffy, and a red haze has fallen over the room. As the song progresses, Alicent is only looking at Rhaenyra. And Rhaenyra is only looking at her.

They’re being pushed from all sides by people who wish they had their prime standing room, but couldn’t care less about who they actually are. Rhae reaches forward across the abyss – mere inches – towards Alicent, and takes her cup. “Go on, Alicent,” she goads. “Undress.”

Alicent looks back up at the lead singer. He’s watching her, too, his eyes clearly intrigued. She can’t tell if he can make out what Rhae’s said, or if he can feel it the way Alicent feels it. A precipice. A want.

Looking back to Rhaenyra, she brings her fingers to the zipper of her jacket. Slowly, just as slowly as Rhaenyra had performed before they left, Alicent drags the metal down her front. Her mouth hangs open, but this time she does not feel a stupor over her. She feels in control, all-powerful. She’s holding all the cards, and Rhae doesn’t even know.

As her cleavage comes into view, Rhae’s eyes drop from Alicent’s face down to her chest; the intensity in them brings back that ever-more familiar twinge between Alicent’s legs. She embraces it now, allowing the smallest moan to escape her lips. So quiet, she isn’t sure Rhae could even hear it. But it doesn’t seem to matter. Rhae’s attention is locked onto the zipper now, following it as Alicent’s fingers bring it to the finish, the two parts unlocking with a small snap.

The alcohol begins to hit Alicent, and she feels a calmness and steadiness she only ever feels when she gets tipsy. One day, she ought to try anxiety medication if liquor alone can alleviate the paralysis she so often feels in her life. She begins to shrug the jacket off, her front exposed except for the bra. With newfound confidence, she begins to sway her hips to the music as she rolls her shoulders back, letting the jacket fall away with that same slowness as before.

“Is he watching, Rhae?” she hears herself say, like she’s a totally different person.

Rhae breaks eye contact with Alicent’s breasts to glance at the stage. “You’ve enraptured him, certainly.” Then her cool eyes are back on Alicent’s, maintaining eye contact even as she downs the rest of her own drink. She moves forward, finally closing the gap between them and putting her hands on Alicent’s hips. Rhae matches the rhythm Alicent has set to the music, swaying with her in an evocative way that Alicent has only seen Rhae do with other girls, but never her.

“I wasn’t finished,” Alicent teases, voice low.

“Oh, you’ll finish,” Rhae responds, then twists Alicent so that she faces the band and has Rhae at her back.

“What?” Alicent asks, suddenly dizzy at the contact but caught off guard by this new orientation.

Rhae’s mouth is right atop Ali’s ear, whispering hotly, “Take your skirt off for the nice band boys, Alicent.”

Alicent’s eyes roll back into her head at the purring nature of Rhae’s voice. She can’t even bring herself to care that her friend still sounds so tense, so dissatisfied with her. Think whatever you want about me, Rhae, just keep talking to me like that.

She feels Rhae’s hand at the zipper of her skirt, and the tugging motion that tells her Rhae does not care for a slow pace this time. “Rhaenyra. . .” she mumbles. God, she’s soaked now.

All that she hears back are soft shushes, accompanied by the gentle pressing of lips against her earlobe. Delicate fingers are on her hips again, pushing the skirt down. It falls at her feet, and Alicent feels cool around the tops of her thighs. She opens her eyes to see the singer, still staring, now has a hard-on. But he’s smirking, maybe with some slight disappointment in his eyes. Alicent knows why, and as the alcohol flushes her face, she winks back at him now that she knows he’s in on her plan.

“He seems so happy with your craft, Ali,” Rhae tells her.

“Oh, I don’t know,” Alicent teases. “I think it could use one more inspection from you, actually.” Kicking the skirt out from under her, she turns back around so her front is facing Rhaenyra. “You sure it’s band-ready?”

Rhaenyra’s eyes take it all in, tracing Alicent’s collarbones, the rise of her breast, the pallor of her stomach, and finally. . . the shorts. Which feature a new phase, stitched without her knowledge.

Rhaenyra Only.

Rhae inhales, her eyes stuck on the cursive letters, reading them over and over.

“Oh, Alicent. My sweet, sheltered Alicent. What am I going to do with you?”

Alicent, still emboldened, steps in Rhae’s space, bringing her arms up to wrap around her neck. Rhae’s hands come to rest at the end of Alicent’s back, teasing her. “You’re going to take me back home,” she answers, standing up on her toes so she can bring her lips to rest on Rhae’s. They don’t kiss, just sit there, touching, as Alicent goes on. “You’ll go back to my room, and you’ll put me in my bed, and you’ll do the things you actually want to do to me. Instead of hiding behind a camera.”

Rhae smiles, and Alicent can feel it against her own lips. It makes her shake, makes her crave things she has never craved. She wants Rhaenyra to take her apart and put her back together again, and make her something she’s never been before.

“Do you know what you’re asking of me, Alicent?” Rhae whispers, her hands coming down to rest on Alicent’s ass.

Alicent says nothing else. She just bites down on Rhae’s bottom lip out of instinct, and she almost crumbles at the groan that leaves her friend’s mouth. Releasing it just as quickly, Alicent kisses just there, where she bit, and starts peppering the same kind of gentle, swift kisses elsewhere. Rhae’s jaw – she’s always, always, wanted to kiss her jaw – her neck, her collarbones.

Rhae’s hands squeeze her ass, and it makes Alicent grind forward into nothing. The muscles beneath her skin are burning, threatening to kill her from the inside until she’s nothing but ash. Then it’s all gone, as Rhae steps away.

“Get your clothes. We’re going home.”

Alicent smiles, feeling glad they’re finally on the same page. She bends over to grab her jacket and skirt, and hears another moan leave Rhaenyra’s mouth at the sight. Glancing upwards, she sees the singer is still looking only at them, now most certainly looking pissed. Alicent waves, knowing she’s only adding fuel to the fire but honestly not giving a fuck. The world has gone bright and colorful, and she feels lighter than air.

Rhae grabs her wrist, and begins dragging Alicent out of the bar. They get weird glances as they pass, probably for Ali’s state of dress and whatever expression Rhae is making as she books it past them in her huge boots. Once they’re out of the doors, Rhae stops and turns, fixing her gaze on Alicent. For a moment, there is only the sound of the city, and their breathing.

“I feel a need to ask if you’re only doing this because you’re drunk, but clearly you stitched those before alcohol got involved.” Alicent realizes, though still intoxicated, that Rhaenyra seems suspicious. Skeptical.

“I stitched them all night, actually,” Alicent answers.

Rhae blushes and averts her gaze. “Is that so?” she asks, but Alicent feels that the question is rhetorical and allows her friend silence as she considers this. “What is it you want from me, Alicent?”

Alicent hesitates. They’re out on the street, for anyone to spectate. And they are a spectacle in their outfits - Alicent knows she must look half-dressed. Like a hooker on a corner. Maybe she doesn’t mind, if Rhaenyra likes the hooker-on-a-corner look.

“I want to kiss you,” Ali whispers, her voice trembling. “And I want to see you everyday, and every night. I want you to touch me the way you touched me yesterday, and sometimes I want you to be mean like that, too. But mostly I think I want you to want to touch me, and I want to touch you, too. . . And I want you to be sweet to me, the way you always have been, while we do so. Am I making any sense?” Her world is swirling somewhat, and she could no longer tell if it was from the alcohol or her vulnerability.

It takes her a moment to recognize the expression on Rhae’s face, but Alicent begins to realize that she is about to cry. A rare sight for Rhaenyra – she holds her emotions close to her chest, always. “Please don’t cry!” Alicent exclaimed. “I can take it all back. You’re my friend first, always. I know I never wanted you as a friend now, but I can make myself want that, if that’s what–”

She doesn’t finish, unable to speak for the lightning that strikes her body when Rhaenyra grabs her face and puts her lips on Alicent’s. This is what she has been missing her entire life, she realizes. The slow, torturous but oh-so-satisfying feeling of Rhae’s lips moving against hers, the way it sets a fire in her and then immediately soothes the burn; it is better than religion could promise paradise to be.

Alicent’s own hands come up to tangle into Rhae’s fine hair, pushing it behind her ears and then pulling her head as close as it will come. The feeling of her nose against Rhaenyra’s cheek, the hot air crawling across her own as Rhae exhales, makes her feel safer than she does in her own bed. “Alicent, you are everything to me that you ever could be,” Rhaenyra whispers. Then she’s pulling them apart, taking Alicent back the way they came.

“I’m taking you home,” Rhae shouts over the sound of traffic and passersby. “Is your mother home by now, do you think?”

Alicent considers. Her mother has been working later hours the past few years, once Alicent could stay home alone safely. It makes her miss the movie nights and cooked dinners from her childhood, but she knows her mother is just trying to provide for them. And right now, she feels it might be a blessing.

“Probably not. She’ll probably be in the office for at least a couple more hours.”

Rhaenyra looks back to Alicent as they keep walking, a warm smirk firm upon her face. “Good. I’d hate for your darling mother to hear what I’m about to do to you.”

part three (finale) coming sometime

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