#it is too bad it will probably be attacked or hit with something in order for it to Move out of the way /j /playful

[awakenthebeing]

she reminded me of the stupid rats so

BEHQHAHAHAAH THIS IS AWESOME....!!! PIEPOE ROADBLOCK

What a silly creacher.... she needs to move out of the way!!!!!

[ittybittyfanblog]

Only You, Darling (Only You, Babe)

Summary: There were orders for your abduction. You were made to be the bait by a rival gang to get to the elusive head of Onychinus. Sylus doesn’t take it too well. Word Count: 4.8k Tags: mc x sylus, fem!reader x sylus (use of she/her pronouns), depictions of violence (it gets a little graphic), reader gets abducted and injured, strong language, protective!sylus, he’s a little unhinged here, self-indulgent! A/N: I can’t believe this game pulled me out of a three-year creative rut LMAO. I’ve been doing fanarts, now I’m writing again?? The power these pixelated men hold over me, man.  Anyway, enjoy!  This version of Sylus is probably a little OOC idk idk ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

It was close to midnight, and you're being followed.

On your six, a stocky man in an unassuming dark suit has been tailing you since you left the dingy bodega a little over a mile away from your apartment for about, three? five minutes– no, maybe even longer.

Shit, you mouth silently. Sloppy. You should’ve noticed him sooner, and the two other lackeys now closing in from up ahead. They’re armed too, if the hands hidden inside their jackets were any indication.

As if things aren't looking bad enough, you’ve decided tonight would be the perfect night to go weaponless, deciding against bringing your handgun with you since it was supposed to just be a quick run to the store for supplies. Namely, the late-night cravings sort of supply.

You clutch the wrinkled paper bag containing your coveted jalapeño Cheetos tightly.

This is what greed does to you, a mocking voice echoes in your head. Since when did your inner voice of reason sound masculine and oh-so-familiar? 

Exhaling quietly, you try to calm the rising beat of your heart and appear to be clueless of your surroundings. Walk at a normal pace. Look unaware of the men with the intention to… What even was this? An ambush? Good, old, regular robbery? No, it doesn’t seem like they were in it for something that insignificant. They wouldn’t even bother to be this cautious if it were. 

But then, what were they here for? The dangers you were more familiar with are of the monstrous kind in the literal sense of the word; entities that you face on a daily basis as a Deepspace hunter. Not the regular threats posed by mankind – which in this particular situation, suddenly feels more foreboding.

While racking your brain for ideas on how to slip away from their sight without escalating the situation, you fail to notice a fourth person hidden behind the dumpster inside the narrow alleyway on your left until you feel the cold, hard edge of a pistol gun hit your temple.  

With a shout, your hand shoots up in an attempt to yank the gun away from the hand holding it but the sudden burst of pain from the impact has left you feeling dizzy and off-kilter. The moment you throw your fists up to block your face, heavy fists strike you directly in a flurry of hits, colliding with your forearm and your unguarded ribs.

You let out a pained grunt as you stagger backwards, trying your hardest to keep yourself from falling back on your ass and ward off the next incoming attack. 

A sinister laugh alerts you of the others, now surrounding you in a circle. Shit!

You hastily shift your legs into a crouching position, bracing yourself as you attempt to sidestep the one in front of you before making a run for it. You spring into action, but before you can even take another step, an arm shoots out and coils tightly around your neck like a noose. A cloth that reeks of something distinct is slapped over your mouth and nose, rendering you unable to do anything but struggle. 

“Now, now– the boss wants her in one piece, John,” The stocky man, who’s apparently larger and more jacked up-close, pipes up. John tightens the limb circling your throat, preventing you from breathing, before slightly loosening his grip. 

 “I’d advise you from struggling too much, sweetheart. But if you insist on making this harder for yourself,” the man talking suddenly grins, revealing rows of crooked, silver teeth. “He ain’t said nothin’ about a couple of bruises.” 

You give him your dirtiest glare, trying to pull away from the death grip the burly man called John had on you, but you feel your muscles slowly becoming heavier and your vision starting to blur. 

Ch-chloroform?

You make a muffled shout, a scurry that earns you a heavy hit on the stomach, one last futile move to free yourself, but the inevitable effect of the potent substance starts to overpower you. 

“After all, we need to make sure that the big bad boss of Onychinus actually comes for his bitch, don’t we?”

Rendered completely useless, the men start to make quick work to restrain your arms and legs in a hogtie before carrying you down the street, to a shaded corner where a large, gray van is parked.

The barn doors open, and you’re tossed in carelessly to the back, landing painfully on the cold, hard floor. An involuntary whimper escapes your lips, feeling like one big bruise; splotches of red and blue start to form like a violent watercolor on your skin. 

The engine revs. Before completely losing consciousness, you think you hear a faint caw.

The car drives off the beaten path, into the night, leaving not a trace of evidence of what transpired mere minutes ago aside from a discarded brown paper bag and a deflated bag of chips. 

-

-

-

From a distance, flying towards the hazy skyline, a mechanical bird crows a bad omen. 

_____

In the dead of the night, the head of Onychinus sits as a spectator; a towering presence at the head of a table inside a private room, obscured in plain sight, in an unremarkable establishment far east of Linkon City. 

Unassuming as it may be, the room’s occupants are men of great renown, both in influence and notoriety. The CEO of a chain business in Azure Square, a regional manager of a well-known bank in Linkon, the head of a weapons trade representing a faction in the N109 zone… All held significant power, all held ulterior motives.

A meeting of minds; the type held only in the secrecy of the night, gone in the break of dawn. 

Sylus has half the mind to listen in on the droning exchange of fake pleasantries and plastic smiles as the men deal trades in nature that of weapons and favors. A number of hungry, beady eyes cast him furtive glances, fearful yet devout. Some cautious in the hope of earning his approval. 

“–the package will be en route to the agreed-upon address by the end of the week,” a stout man in spectacles finishes off, clearing his throat. Beads of sweat start to form at the back of his neck as red eyes bore into his, assessing. Deliberating. “O-or if Richard’s able to give me the go-ahead in advance, I’ll make sure it arrives by Friday,” a gulp–then, “sir.” 

All in reverence. 

He hums, his switchblade dancing idly in his hand, deliberately stretching the tension that hangs heavy in the air. He delights in this power to unsettle, savoring the authority that his mere presence commands—a demand for absolute deference. 

“Make it half that time, will you, Raymond?” Sylus responds amicably, not as a question. The man, Raymond, sputters. 

“That won’t be pos–” Sylus tilts his head, eyes shifting into something more dangerous. “Please, I’ll try to cut the time shorter but there won’t be any assurances.” 

The pale-haired man sighs in acquiescence. “I guess that will have to do.” Raymond lets out an exhale of relief, but catches his breath as Sylus continues, “Any later than Wednesday, and I’ll come to claim it personally.” 

Raymond, more nerves than man, starts to blabber something in response–but stops when something black suddenly appears in a blaze of dark energy, near the shoulder of the intimidating man he’s trying to appeal to. 

Sylus raises a hand, and a large crow lands on his pointer finger. 

He caws, once. Twice. And shows a projection. 

The inhospitably cold room suddenly went glacial. 

All conversation halts to a stop as an overwhelmingly suffocating aura starts to emanate from the man–no, the being at the head of the table, making all that are in the vicinity freeze in fear. 

The devil posing as the leader of Onychinus abruptly stands up, and Raymond thinks, Oh I’m going to die here.

Without a word, the man disappears in a Stygian haze.

_

Five minutes later, only after they felt like death was no longer looming over their heads, did anyone dare to move a muscle.

_____

Your head hurts, and your mouth tastes of rust. 

Having been awake for longer than your captors were aware of – two (?) of which bickering near a barred slate of metal that you assume is the door after taking a quick peek from beneath the mess of hair concealing your face – you try to get your bearings together without arousing the suspicion of your present audience. 

“–bet it’s gonna take a while ‘fore that guy arrives. You think she’s enough to get him to show his face?” 

“Damned if I know. In any case, we got a pretty, li’l plaything on our hands,” a snort. “Make her worth the effort.” 

Where were you? From what it looks like, you’ve been transported into a nondescript underground bunker of sorts, dank with a hint of mildew and rot in the air; a rumbling air vent on your left masking any noise that escaped your mouth when you woke up. The area is poorly lit, save for the flickering bulb hanging precariously above your head as your main source of light – good for casting shadows to hide your bruised face, bad for the pounding headache you’re pretty sure is a concussion. And with your back seemingly close to a wall, you arrive at the conclusion that there are no other entryways, no way to leave, but the guarded door in front of you. 

In short, you have no idea where you are. 

Fuck–this is bad, you swear to yourself internally, trying to control the rising panic swelling up your chest. You never thought your nightcap would lead to this mess. Nobody knows about your current predicament, and it’ll take more than a day before your absence raises any alarms, so right now, you’re on your own. 

Think, think! What can you do?

What can you do? You have nothing on you, nothing you can use as a makeshift weapon to defend yourself with, and your hands are tightly bound behind your back by a thick, heavily twined rope with no give. The situation is slowly turning bleaker by the second, and it isn’t even your fault that you’re here in the first place! You were made a pawn, a mere bait in this messed-up dick-measuring contest between a crazy, sadistic, self-proclaimed head honcho and Onychinus’s own crazy, sadistic–

Wait a minute. Sylus. 

You send a strong prayer to anyone above that’s listening, and an angry telepathic shout for good measure to the one who’s unaware of his involvement – but nonetheless the source of your ruined night – in this attempt at kidnapping a perfectly law-abiding citizen of Linkon.

Sylus, as much as I hate your unfortunate tendency to stalk me through means that, honestly? Eludes the hell out of me, I really, REALLY hope that you’ve been keeping tabs toni–

“Hey, boss! I think this one’s awake!”

Fuck. No use pretending anymore. 

You hear heavy footsteps from outside the room before the corroded metal door swings open to reveal a large man, easily standing above six feet, sporting a neatly trimmed beard and an unsettling smile. His arms are covered in tattoos– overlapping, almost undecipherable. A gnarly scar runs from the side of his mouth to just above his brow bone; his right eye a cloudy gray, most likely a morbid souvenir from the sustained injury.

His functional eye zeroes in on your pitiful form, and his smile widens into a hostile grin. 

“Well, well. It seems like our esteemed guest is finally ready to join in the fun,” His voice sounds like gravel, with a mocking intonation. “I hope my men weren't too rough with you on the way here.” 

You let out a breath through your teeth, blinking a few times to try and rid the blurring in your vision. You have to bide your time– “Why am I here? What do you want from me?” 

The man cocks his head to the side, smile still in place. “I assume you already know. But I’ll indulge you your little questions, why not?”

He crosses the space separating the two of you with just a few, languid steps before he’s in front of you. He leans forward, brushing the messy locks of hair – dried with blood – away from your face in a deceptively calm manner. “The devil needs to pay his dues, but it’s been rather difficult to get a hold of him, you see,” he sighs in exaggerated disappointment. ”I intend to collect, so I waited patiently for the right moment, for an opening. For an opportunity. 

And here, the opportunity presents herself.” 

You sneer, moving your head back to let your hair fall from his creepy hold. “I’ve no clue what you’re talking about, mister, but I’m pretty sure you’ve got the wrong idea.”

He barks out a laugh before gripping your chin tightly between his fingers. “You’ve got a smart mouth on you. Maybe we can find a better use for it.” 

You feel it before you hear it. 

“Perhaps not.” 

Something vicious saturates the air, something intense and terrifying and wrong. The hairs on the back of your neck stand up, and some sort of primordial response deep within your brain is telling you to get away from it.

But then, the paralyzing fear melts away to something akin to hope when you realize the source of this new disturbance.

Relief washes over you when familiar ink-and-red tendrils materialize behind the man in front of you. The dark wisps dissipate like smoke as soon as it comes and in place, your savior – sporting an expression that could only be described as downright murderous – stands before you, all six feet of unadulterated rage.

Several things happened so fast, it was almost simultaneous.

A cacophony of shouts came loudest from the two men who had been on guard duty but screams also echoed from outside the room. You saw flashes of red, twin laughter, and blood spurting from the necks of the now headless guards, and then a symphony of bullets and a lot of things breaking rang across the room. 

Suddenly– 

Deafening silence. As if something has put an abrupt stop to the noise. 

Amidst all the chaos, the scarred man in front of you had no time to make a move before savage whips of crackling energy engulfed him, leaving only his head free from the smothering darkness. 

His expression betrays something wild and manic as he tries twisting around to look at the figure behind him. “You–”

Sylus pays no mind to the breathing, dead fool – lower than dirt on his feet, with the nerve to harm what is most precious to him – as he keeps his gaze solely on you; his eyes darting up and down as if taking inventory of all the bruises and scrapes you sustained from the abduction. 

You meet his eyes. “You came.” 

An indecipherable look passes his face, gone as quickly as it came. “A little too late. I apologize.” 

You weakly huff out a chuckle, wanting to shake your head but decide against it lest it aggravates your concussion. A prickling sensation, then the rope around your wrists falls off with a quiet thud. 

“Luke. Kieran.” 

“Everything’s all accounted for, boss,” Kieran announces, suddenly appearing beside your right, along with Luke who’s on your left. Both look no worse for wear.

 The latter gives you a sympathetic look. “Oh, man. They got you good, little crow.” 

“Caught me off-guard, s’all,” you insist half-heartedly. 

A sigh. “Transport her directly back to base. Attend to her critical injuries once you arrive, and keep her awake. I’ll handle the rest once I get back,” Sylus instructs the twins in a tone that brooks no argument.

They nod in sync and start making a move to carry you out, but you protest.

“Wait, you’re staying behind?” For some reason, the thought of being separated from him, even for a short amount of time, makes you feel ill. Well, worse than your current state at least. 

Sanguine eyes soften when he hears the tremble in your voice. The offending man in front of you, reduced into something less threatening than a cowering dog in comparison to your rescuer, is forcibly pushed aside to make room for Sylus as he steps closer. 

He crouches low so that you’re looking down on him instead of up. One large hand covers both of yours, mindfully avoiding the fresh rope burns on your wrists, his thumb rubbing soothing circles on the unmarred part of your skin. 

“This will be quick, sweetie. I’ll be back by your side before you know it,” he exhales, closing his eyes for a moment. “I swear to you.”

You swallow, but nodded reluctantly. “Come home soon.” 

“I will.”

With that, you let yourself be carried out of the claustrophobic space you were confined to, into a larger room littered with unmoving bodies that you're frankly too tired to care about at the moment, up three (rickety) flights of stairs where you exit into what looks like the inside of an empty shipping container, before finally, finally getting out. 

A gust of salty wind hits you and you ask, “Are we near the docks?” 

“Yeah,” Kieran answers, carefully putting you down on the backseat of Sylus’ car. “Mephisto trailed after the van they stuffed you in before reporting back to the boss. We followed soon after.” 

Luke frowns as he inserts the key in the ignition. “We weren’t aware that they had eyes on you for a while now. An oversight on our part, won’t happen again,” he assures you. “Gotta give them props for that, at least.” 

Kieran, now getting in the passenger side of the vehicle, shoots him a look. 

“Anyway, we’re glad we got to you before they did anything… worse,” Kieran continues, then winces in a show of mock sympathy. “Can’t say the same to that fucker back inside. Haven’t felt Sylus’ bloodlust this strong in a long while.” 

You try to focus on their words, but you feel yourself nodding off as the remaining adrenaline slowly leaves your body. You know you should feel more worried about what the two were insinuating, but your mouth still tastes like you swallowed a bunch of coins and you just want a soft bed to sleep in for an entire day. Or three. 

“Oi, no sleeping. Doctor’s orders,” A snapping finger in front of your face forces you awake. 

You blink your tired eyes open in an attempt to stay lucid, the pulsing pain in your head becoming more prominent as soon as the threat of danger has passed. 

“This is gonna be a long night,” you sigh, wishing that Sylus will keep his word and be quick about… whatever he’s planning to do with your abductor. 

–––––

There hasn’t been much left of the man who proclaims to be the new head of an arms syndicate Sylus had dealt with in the past. He recalls the history of his relationship with the cartel being less than cordial, but nothing that would warrant his ire. Except for tonight.

He usually doesn’t leave a trace when doling out punishments; no, not anymore. Not in recent years. He prefers to be efficient about his killings, dissipating any evidence in thin air after reducing them into fine paste, rather than make a big show out of it. Quick and precise.

Except today… Someone had the arrogance, the absolute audacity to steal directly from the dragon’s nest.

The contents of which have always been kept in strict confidentiality. What is known, only chosen individuals bound to secrecy are privy to, and a lot of people would kill for. 

But unbeknownst to anyone else but its owner, only one thing in this hoard of secrets truly matters to the dragon. One solitary treasure alone he would burn planets for – and someone has tried to steal it.

Harm. the treasure. To get to him. 

It seems as if the new bloods needed a reminder of who, exactly, they’re stealing from. 

One who dwells deep within the underbelly of the cities both monster and men inhabit, that even the most heinous of sinners seeking solace in the dark, are afraid of. 

And what retribution tastes like to those who are foolish enough to bite more than what they can chew.

The poor soul unfortunate enough to be the first one to discover the carnage will witness that what was left of the man that had wronged the Onychinus kingpin is stuck on the walls, the floor, and the ceiling of a basement where the treasure was held captive. They will find that the man’s innards are deliberately hung in a haphazard fashion, in all corners of the room like bloody, sinewy tinsel. 

And the centerpiece of this bloodbath is none other than the man’s decapitated head, forcibly attached to the hanging light in the middle of the room. A bulb crudely drilled past his cranium, while blood dripped down the floor in slow, ominous rivulets. 

They will understand in dawning horror that the one responsible for this... gross butchery, has left the head swinging. That the man’s mouth will forever remain agape in an eternal scream to immortalize the exact moment he realizes the gravity of his sin.   

Yes, Sylus is more than glad to remind them. 

_____

You arrive a quarter past four AM. 

Barely taking a step past the foyer, the twins immediately whisk you inside to perform an ‘emergency patch-up.’ Luke’s words, not yours.

“We’re your personal CNA while waiting for the head nurse to take over,” he explains cheerfully, wrapping another layer of gauze around your wrist. You hiss when Kieran dabs a cotton ball on the gash on your temple, peroxide fizzing as it comes in contact with the dried-up blood. Muttering out a “sorry!” Kieran does quick work in cleaning the injury and covering the affected area.

In no time at all, all visible wounds are bandaged and disinfected. The worst of your head wound had to be stitched up, but other than that, nothing seems to require immediate medical attention. There’s nothing left for you to do but to bear the aches that came along with the bruises – especially on your tender midriff – and to pop a tylenol for your throbbing headache.

You offer them a sincere, “Thanks. No, really.” before they leave you in Sylus’ room, after multiple reminders to “not sleep before the attending nurse arrives for the final diagnosis.” 

(You think they might have enjoyed playing caretaker a little too much.) 

With a lot more effort than you care to admit, you painstakingly remove your bloodstained clothes until you're down to your underwear, before draping yourself in a large, red, silk robe. A hot shower sounds heavenly to your sore muscles, but the soft mattress is calling to you more so you head straight to bed. 

With nothing else to occupy yourself with, you prop your head on a mountain of pillows – to keep yourself relatively upright – and let out a sigh. 

Tonight had been a shitshow. All you wanted was something to snack on while you binge through the last season of the show you were watching back at your apartment; you never thought a late-night run to the store just a few blocks away would result in… this. If not for Sylus’ intervention, you’re sure you'd be leaving with a lot more than a couple of scrapes. If not worse.

You're lost in your own thoughts when short, successive raps on the door catch your attention. It swings open before you have the chance to pipe out a, “come in!”

Speak of the devil.

Sylus enters the room, not a hair out of place. You notice that he’s changed into a casual, brown sweater and a pair of dark-washed jeans. His eyes meet yours, tightly-controlled expression relaxing as he crosses the room towards the side of your bed, wasting no time. 

“How are you feeling?”

“Still pretty sore, but Luke and Kieran already handled the worst of my injuries,” you answer, making a move to sit up. Sylus tuts disapprovingly, gentle as he puts a hand on your chest to prevent you from moving any further. He sits gingerly on the edge of the mattress, careful not to jostle you. Once fully settled, he let out a deep sigh.

“You had me worried for a moment there, kitten.” He admits, a slightly rough edge to his voice as emotion seeps into it. He regards you intently, like he’s trying to convince himself that you’re here, safe. 

Your hand reaches out towards his face. Without missing a beat, he leans in to nuzzle your palm, eyes closing shut. He reminds you of a big wolf, unbridled fire simmering beneath the surface, yet tame in the presence of his handler. 

“I’m fine now, thanks to you,” you assure him with a lopsided smile. “Give my thanks to Mephisto, as well. Tell him he gets a pass on the stalking this time.” 

Sylus opens his eyes, a hint of amusement and something else you can’t identify flickering through. “Oh, sweetie. You’ll be lucky if that bird gives you the privacy to bathe alone after tonight,” he jokes. 

He’s joking. Right?

You eye him for a moment before deciding to let it go. You're too tired to argue.

Instead, you cautiously ask a question you aren’t sure you even want the answer to. “What happened after we left?” 

Sylus expression doesn’t change except for the upward tick on the corner of his mouth; the same peculiar glint in his eyes coming across a little stronger. “They won’t be bothering you anymore. You don’t need to worry about anyone coming for you.”

“That’s not what I asked.” 

He hums. “Do you really want to know?”

You stare at him, and he stares back at you placidly. 

You purse your lips and look away. “Maybe not.” 

Sylus breathes out a laugh. He gently grasps your chin between his forefinger and thumb, guiding your head to meet his gaze once more. A softer look on his face, inching closer to yours.

Your heartbeat slightly picks up. In your vulnerable state, you feel a welling desire to bare your feelings to the man in front of you. You want to tell him how relieved you felt when you saw him in that cursed basement, how he was able to quell your fears with just his presence alone the moment he appeared in a familiar haze of black and red. Like your own, personal, vindictive guardian. 

Instead, you close the distance between the two of you, your lips meeting his. 

Sylus groans quietly, a hand cupping your face as he leans closer to deepen the kiss. Your eyes flutter shut, savoring the feeling of contentment from being this close to him. You feel, more than you see, how his taut body loses the remaining tension from the events that transpired just mere hours ago, how he finally relaxes as he loses himself in you.

Very carefully, he eases you further down, cradling your head with one hand until it rests on a pillow. His lips drift to the corner of your mouth, trailing soft kisses up to the apples of your cheeks, your forehead, then to your nose. 

He pulls back slightly, chuckling when you make a sound of discontent. When you open your eyes, you see him looking at you– half-lidded and tender. 

In a low voice, he instructs, “Rest. You need it.”

The feeling of exhaustion pulls you in, but before you surrender to it, you remind Sylus, “I’m not that fragile, you know. You don’t have to worry too much.” You poke his cheek and he catches the offending digit to bite it affectionately. “I’ll be up and running in no time.”

He doesn't speak for a minute, considering your words. His mouth sets into a thin line before letting out a sigh.

“And if you get hurt again? What then?" He whispers so quietly, seeming as if he's talking to himself.

"I'll get hurt again, that's for sure," You tell him, matter-of-factly. "But really, that’s just an occupational hazard. I’m sure you realize."

“Love — what a terrible, little thing,” he muses, half-forlornly, half in jest. "I’d rip this cold heart out and throw it in flames if I could.”

While speaking, his hand finds its way into the tangles of your hair, gently running his fingers through the strands in a lulling manner. His lips landing on the crown of your head softly. Reverently.

You hum sleepily.

“Of course you would, Sy.”

_____

“You’ll be glad to know that the artifact you had your eye on back at the auction will be arriving this Wednesday.” 

“Huh? But I thought it was already sold to someone else?”

Sylus shrugs. “I made a counteroffer.” 

“You didn’t have to. I told you it was fine.” 

“I know. But I also recall a certain someone telling me how much they wished they had placed a bid on it on our way back,” he pinches your cheek fondly. “Don’t worry about it, kitten. It’s yours.”

“Oh. Well– thank you,” you yawn in response, leaning your head to rest against his palm.

His thumb strokes your cheek. “Anything for you.”

[majestyeverlasting]

Nello! I have a request/suggestion for a Bucky drabble-y something if you'd like it. Maybe he's on a mission or there's an attack and it's going *very* poorly for him but he gets saved by a sweet civilian who's probably hopped up on a LOT of adrenaline

𝐚𝐬𝐤 𝐦𝐞 𝐰𝐡𝐲 | 𝐛.𝐛.

A/N Thank you so much for this request, anon! Bucky isn’t on a mission, per se, more like he ends up making a certain situation his “mission.” 

Pairing Bucky Barnes x Reader 

Summary After an unexpected and intense fight, you’re the kind stranger who comes to Bucky’s aid. Except, you can’t shake the pressing feeling that you’ve seen each other once before. [fluff, angst, firing of a weapon, 2.6k]

₊✩‧₊˚౨ৎ˚₊✩‧₊

Darkness hangs over Hell’s Kitchen as the heavy beat of Bucky’s heart drums on. The high-pitched ringing in his ears nearly drowns out the trudge of his boots against the sidewalk. Each labored step sends another wave of pain radiating through his ribcage. By now, he’s far enough away from Nicolo’s Bistro to be seen, where police and ambulances are finally pulling up with glaring halos of red and blue, sirens wailing. 

As Bucky turns into a dingy alleyway, he finally allows himself to release the pathetic grunts that have been attempting to claw out of throat since the moment he left the establishment. The pungent smell of garbage rides on the breeze as he presses his back up against the cool brick wall, sliding down until he hits the pebbled ground. 

He can’t remember the last time being off his feet felt so good. That’s all he’d wanted upon entering the bistro earlier. To sit down and have a meal before venturing back to Brooklyn. 

𝟷 𝙷𝙾𝚄𝚁 𝙿𝚁𝙸𝙾𝚁

The table he’s given along the front windows gives sight to the evening bustle outside. There’s a dim ambience to that place that’s homey and charming. Basil and garlic linger in the air. A waitress with a long jet-black ponytail takes his order of carbonara and the house red. Just as she leaves, three men in fedoras enter, with hard eyes and strong noses. 

A wary feeling flutters in his gut. 

Rather than being seated in the main dining room, they’re escorted into the back by a worker. Nicolo, the broad-shouldered owner of the restaurant, is no sooner notified of their arrival. The look of dread that washes over his face is Bucky’s second clue that something is amiss. But there’s an eerie calm that follows.

Halfway into his meal, hushed, angry voices finally emit from the back room. The only reason Bucky can hear them is the serum’s heightening of his senses: 

Nicolo’s voice registers first, “Sobrini, please, there’s been a misunderstanding.”

“No, it’s well past time,” comes a gruff, thickly accented voice. “I invested in this shithole and haven’t seen anywhere near what I’m owed.” 

“It’s coming—please, there has to be a better way,” Nicolo reasons. “There are customers out there.”

“Too bad I don’t give a fuck.” 

That’s when a lone warning shot rings out. 

A few patrons jolt in shock, heads whipping around. You startle as you take a sip from your bubbling glass of champagne, sending the liquid running down your chin.

Bucky's on his feet in an instant, “Everybody out!” 

The moment you slip out of your booth, the confrontation spills out into the main dining area as Nicolo backs out of the room with his hands held up in surrender. All three men are stalking towards him, and the bulkier one—undeniably Sobrini—has a revolver drawn. 

“Now they all get to see your brains being blown out,” he quips.

 Bucky wastes no time rushing to the owner's defense, sprinting over to Sobrini, and using his vibranium hand to block a bullet when he pulls the trigger. Nicolo's face flushes with relief as he gratefully runs for the door, steering other frantic patrons out along the way. 

With Nicolo gone, the group of mobsters redirect their anger to Bucky and his daring boldness. 

“And who the hell are you?” Before Sobrini can pull the trigger again, Bucky disarms him with a few swift swipes and blows, bending the gun out of shape before letting it clink to the ground. 

“Mikey, Vinny!” Sobrini growls. 

Like two mad dogs given attack orders, the other men launch forward to gang up on Bucky. They’re stronger than he’s expecting—too strong. Super soldiers. Glasses and plates crash from the tables as Vinny, the taller of the two, kicks Bucky square in the stomach, sending him staggering backwards. He’s quick to recover, promptly delivering his own series of strikes in retaliation. 

Heart hammering in your ears, you help usher the last of the patrons and employees outside. When you dare to look back in, Mikey has managed to get Bucky in a chokehold from behind. Only then do you notice the glint of his vibranium hand as he pries at the man’s thick forearm.

As Bucky coughs for air, realization dawns on you like a rushing tide. For a flicker of a second, he catches your eyes in the doorway before managing to free himself from the hold.

A second wind finds him as the brawl becomes a fierce three-on-one ordeal.

Nicolo pulls you away from the door for your own safety.

It’d been two years since Bucky’s last fight, and he hated that this made a part of him feel alive again. 

𝙱𝙰𝙲𝙺 𝚃𝙾 𝙿𝚁𝙴𝚂𝙴𝙽𝚃

Just as his eyes begin to flutter closed with exertion, he hears a soft, urgent voice that he thinks he’s imagining. It prompts him to remember that he’s seated in a dirty alleyway, propped against a wall. 

“Are you alright?” Your eyes dart over his bruised face, split lip, and bloodied knuckles. “Don’t close your eyes, stay with me.” You gently pat your hand against his stubbled cheek. Some of his long, dark hair is matted to the sweat on his face.

The only reason you knew where to find him is because you’d watched him stagger from the scene after neutralizing the three intruders in a feat of athleticism if you ever saw one. Your own hands are still buzzing with adrenaline. 

He manages to meet your gaze, but his bloodshot blue eyes never focus. You can see that he’s trying, which only makes concern swell in your chest all the more. 

“You need to go to the ER,” you say, brows furrowing. That seems to shake him a bit. 

“No…” he trails off, then coughs, wincing. “No doctors. Please.” 

You pull your lower lip in between your teeth as if debating to heed his request. Looking out to the street, you see that nobody has taken notice of the two of you.

You then say, “Can you walk? My place isn’t far.”

•••

Climbing the stairs is the hardest part. Despite your offer to lean his weight on you, Bucky stubbornly relies on the railing for all four floors. By the time you unlock your apartment door and usher him inside, he realizes he’s made a mistake. He should’ve insisted he’d be fine, that after the initial shock wore off, his body would begin to mend itself back to wholeness.

Except, he can’t remember the last time someone had spoken to him so sweetly. 

As selfish as it was, it felt good to be on the receiving end of genuine concern. Nowadays, people just assumed he was okay because he was the Winter Soldier, and that’s what the Winter Soldier was supposed to do—dust himself off and get back up. Yet here you were acting like he was someone worth being taken care of.

He all but collapses onto the couch once you lead him over to it. In the back of his mind, he worries about getting it dirty, but you don’t seem to care as you flutter out of the living room.

The air smells faintly of cinnamon and vanilla, and small decorative pumpkins sit on the windowsill. Pain pulses in his neck as he takes a better look around, but he does it anyway. The entire space is modest and cozy, clearly lived-in and well-loved. 

By the time you come back, he’s dozed off, thick thighs spread and chin tucked down to his chest. This happens sometimes—his body crashes into sleep to facilitate healing. It only occurs when he feels safe. Otherwise, the rush of adrenaline keeps him wide awake. 

He can just barely register the gentleness of your movements as you tilt his head up to dab away the blood with a cool towel. You continue on like that, cleaning up the wounds that broke the skin, which thankfully aren’t too plentiful. Occasionally, his eyes flutter open, but you never ask him any questions or force him to talk. A comfortable silence settles between you until all the dried blood is gone.  

An hour later, he wakes up, finding that he’s stretched along the entirety of the couch with a blanket draped over his frame. His pain has subsided immensely. As he sits upright, he notices that you’re curled up in the accent chair. A special news report drones low on the TV.

“All the men have been taken into custody,” you tell him. Bucky eyes flitter over your face as you speak, realizing that his mind is finally clear enough to welcome the whispers of recognition. 

He’d seen many people over the course of his long life, and your face was among those he’d never be able to forget. 

You continue as his heart rises into his throat, “They don’t know it was you who saved everyone,” you say, toying with the hem of your sweater. “If they do, they haven’t said your name.” 

The air goes dead silent for a fleeting moment.

“You know my name?” It’s a question he already knows the answer to. 

You study his face, handsome even with the bruises. “James Buchanan Barnes, the Asset, the Winter Soldier…” 

He swallows thickly, abruptly standing to his feet as guilt and shame churn in his stomach. “Thank you for your help, but—” 

“Please don’t go,” you insist. It feels like you’re staring straight through him.  

“I have to. I’m sorry.” He weaves towards the door, heat rising to his cheeks. 

The events of an afternoon from many moons ago come rushing into the forefront of his mind. First, a group of suited men barking orders as he listened with emotionless eyes. Then the glint of his metal arm wrapped around the neck of a S.H.I.E.L.D. contractor on Park Avenue. As the man strangled out pleas, your cries joined in, begging for the life of your friend to be spared—

Bucky thinks back to earlier when he was being choked, the sense of helplessness.

You stand from the chair but don’t follow after him. “Did you want to take a shower at least?” you offer, hope infused into your words. It only made sense considering the sweat and grime still lingering on his skin. 

The thought of a shower sounds too good. But not here, not now. He never should’ve come. 

—As the contractor had gripped at his Bucky’s arm for mercy, he remembered glaring over at you. The mask concealing the lower half of his face hid his snarl, but his glare could cut stone. Except, you weren’t made of stone. You were skin, and bone, and desperation. It ended up being your fear-ridden eyes that did all the cutting.

It was as if you were wordlessly pleading, please, you don’t have to do this. Like you could see that he was trapped inside the prison of his own being. 

But by the time his hold went slack around the man’s neck, it was already too late. His body slumped lifelessly to the ground. 

“I forgive you," you call out right as Bucky steps into the hallway and is seconds away from closing the door.

That stops him in his tracks and sends a chill through his bones.

“Please don’t go,” you say, much softer. 

•••

Tucked away in an old journal, was a list of amends Bucky was supposed to make. He’d managed to cross off all those names. But there’s no way he’d ever be able to account for every life he changed, every friend and family member he snatched away from people he would never even come to know.

This reality weighs heavy on him as he stands in the steamy bathroom, a towel wrapped low around his hips. Sometimes he didn’t recognize himself when he looked in the mirror. Faint knocking sounds at the door.

He clears the thickness from his throat, “Yes?”

“Special delivery,” you say lightly. “My neighbor had some clothes to spare.”

When he opens the door, your eyes flick to his torso, the bruising along his ribcage. There’s a dusting of hair on his chest, and a line of it that leads down from his bellybutton. It takes a second for you to register that he isn’t wearing his vibranium arm. Maybe it's because of the steady, broad way he’s standing there as if the limb isn’t gone at all.

He accepts the clothes, “Thank you.”

Bucky doesn’t close the door as he turns to set them on the sink. In the process, you notice there are old scars on his back with dark new bruises mixed amongst them. Before you can stop yourself, you step forward, brushing over his shoulder blades with tentative fingers. He straightens, briefly closing his eyes at the tenderness. 

“Sorry. I’m sorry.” You begin to back out of the room. “I have painkillers if they’d help.”

Bucky shakes his head. “I’m alright.”

“I’ll let you get dressed then.”

Moments later, Bucky finds you in your room seated on the side of your bed. Your startle, swiping at the tears beneath your eyes before turning to look at him. When he sees that you’ve been crying, he feels like the worst person in the world again, an awful feeling resettling in his gut. 

“I can go,” he says. 

You shake your head and pat the space beside you. 

Bucky lingers in the doorway until giving in. The mattress dips as he sits, making sure to leave ample space between you. Even then you can feel the warmth of his proximity, smell your body wash on his skin. Neither of you say anything for a while. 

“Why are you doing all this?” For such an imposing man, his voice comes out small. 

“Because I see you.” Bucky swallows at your words, gaze remaining on the floor. “I saw you eight years ago, and I see you now.” 

He realizes then, that if he truly wanted to, he would’ve left already. He didn’t know what he wanted, what more he was expecting. He’d already taken enough—your friend, your resources, your time. 

“You know what I believe?” Bucky waits for you to continue. “That you’re a good person,” you say solemnly. 

“You didn’t even hesitate back at Nicolo’s. You stepped right up.”

“It was nothing,” he lightly dismisses.

“Nothing?” 

Bucky looks over at you, and you raise your brows. “It was the right thing to do,” he finally says. 

“And you easily could’ve just walked away.” 

He gets your point then. The plates of his arm whir softly. 

“I was angry at you for a long time,” you admit. “Even though I knew who you were, the control you were under.”

“I’m sorry—”

“And the more time that passed, the more I realized my anger wasn’t entirely fair,” you say. “Life’s not fair. But staying rooted to the same spot doesn’t do anyone any good.” 

Bucky doesn’t pull away when you reach over and take his hand in yours, gently running your fingers over his bruised knuckles in a mix of sympathy and wonder. He watches as you flip his palm face-up, tracing the lines with a delicate touch. He feels it all the way up his arm, the gesture painfully intimate. Having seen each other at your lowest, most vulnerable moments has a way of knocking down walls. 

“Ask me why I’m doing all this again,” you say.

Bucky meets your gaze. “Why?”

“Because it’s the right thing to do.”

Outside, distant sirens wail into the Manhattan night.

-

Thank you so much for reading! Feel free to let me know what you think. 

MORE 

[discotitsposts]

meant to be

Spencer trying and failing to flirt with you because you are oblivious to his attempts.

spencer reid x reader

i picture this as later seasons spencer maybe sometime around 12-14?

some mature themes mentions of sex at the end so 18+

writing this because i saw something about people who are bad at flirting and that’s literally me. (i hope ppl get the reference w the nickname)

Spencer had tried every day to get your attention romantically. It didn’t work. Nothing did. You were so oblivious to all of his flirting attempts. He figured maybe you had trouble understanding so he worked harder to make you think of him as more than a friend. He tried everything his genius brain could come up with.

He even made up a nickname for you, Bean, because you always had a coffee in your hand, and because he was taller than you.

Today you were getting coffee with him as usual. At your favorite coffee shop and library. You didn’t work at the BAU so you would eventually have to go to your own job so Spencer decided to try again.

Since you lived in the same building, neighbors in the same hall, he picked you up every morning. Drove you to get coffee and you each picked a book for each other and then he drove you to work.

He knocks on your door awaiting anxiously. You come out in your outfit, just a t shirt and jeans. you didn’t have a dress code at your job, you were an author and usually went into a nice office that the publishing company provided to write since you had a hard time focusing in your apartment. Too many distractions.

In Spencer’s car you make small talk as he tries to think of a way to flirt with you. Normally he’d call Morgan but his son was a toddler now so he was busy. He gets so lost in his head he doesn’t realize he just ran a stop sign on accident and almost hit someone.

He hears you yell “Spencer what the fuck!” and slams the brakes. The other car honks and his heart is pounding in his brain. He pulls to the side of the road and stops.

“Spencer. Breathe. It’s ok.” You worry tracing your face at the sight of his extremely fast breathing and you rub his back reassuringly.

“Holy shit.” He barely chokes out. His face is beet red and he looks like he’s about to have a panic attack.

“Switch.” You tell him. He looks at you and feels comforted immediately by your face. “Let’s go, switch.” You get out of the car and switch sides.

‘So much for flirting’ he thinks. Then it hits him. When he picks your book for the day, he’ll give you a romantic story. Something that says ‘I really like you but I’m an idiot so I don’t know how to tell you but i’m not actually an idiot because im technically a genius but my fucked up life has ruined romance for me but i’d love to try it with you if you are okay with that.’

When you take over driving you don’t talk. You just focus on the road. You had even turned the music off. He hopes you’re not upset with him. That thought quickly dissipates when you pull into the parking lot and your face is beaming. You both race to the entrance and he gets there first and opens the door for you. You stick your tongue out at him and he smirks.

You order your usual drinks and he gets himself a breakfast bagel and you get a croissant. He puts the food at a table and you both get up to grab each other a book. You had yours picked since last night, The Godfather. It’s only a little over 400 pages so he’ll probably finish it by lunch time but at least it will be fun for him since it will make him think of you. At least you hope it does.

You have a habit of making funny commentary during movie nights. When you watched ‘The Godfather’ trilogy with Spencer he had laughed so hard he cried.

Meanwhile Spencer is searching rows of books looking for the right one. He moves to poetry but nothing feels right. He feels slightly frustrated so he moves back to classics and picks ‘A Little Princess’ instead. A favorite of yours you had read in elementary school. Not romantic but shows he knows you well.

When he makes his way back to the register to check the book out, you’re already seated munching your croissant. He makes his way to you and hides the book behind his back. You discreetly pull yours out of your bag and hide it the same way.

“1,2,3!” You both count at the same time and then reveal your books. Spencer cracks up when he sees the book you had picked. He had read this before but he enjoyed it because it reminded him of you. You both eat and finish your coffees. You look at each other.

“More?” Spencer asks.

“Obviously.” You answer. You both stand up and order more coffee.

Back in Spencer’s car you open the book and start reading. He’s about to put the key in the ignition when sudden confidence hits him. He doesn’t know if it’s the caffeine but he doesn’t care. He should kiss you right now. He stares at you until you look up.

“You’re going to be late for work if you don’t start that engine up soon Mr. Chauffeur.” You tease him.

He leans closer and puckers his lips slightly. He’s so filled with lust he just can’t wait anymore.

You look at him strangely. Was he trying to kiss you right now? Probably not. Truth was you were always so filled with doubt whenever you liked someone. Especially Spencer. He was just too handsome and sweet and perfect.

He leans in even closer to you and tilts his head. You, however, had gone back to your book and weren’t even looking at him.

“Does this make you uncomfortable” Spencer leans in closer. He closes his eyes and you lean down to reach for something from your bag. He doesn’t feel your soft lips on his and thinks he may have missed your face. He opens his eyes.

“Everything does. I have anxiety Spencer. All the time anywhere day and night. ” You reply while eating a yogurt you had found in your tote.

Spencer pulls away and smacks his forehead. He starts the car and drops you at your work and drives to the BAU feeling defeated. What would it take for you to realize how bad he wants you.

That night he decides to drop by your apartment. You had gotten a ride home from work by a friend tonight. He opens his door and walks the short distance to yours.

When his hand knocks on your door he feels nervous. You open the door and greet him.

“Hi!” You cheer.

“Hey, I was gonna order a pizza. You want?” He lies. He actually wasn’t the biggest fan of pizza. He didn’t eat it too often but it was your favorite food so why not.

“That would be great. I’m starving.” You clutch your belly dramatically. Which makes Spencer laugh.

He picks up the phone, “What would you like on the pizza m’lady.”

You tap your chin and think. “Sausage.” You reply. Spencer thinks of a way to flirt. Kind of.

“How much sausage would you like?” He asks smirking.

“Uhh, 5? I don’t know dude. The normal amount that goes on a pizza?” You answer sarcastically, going to your dvd rack to pick a movie. Spencer sighs. He calls and places the order and helps you pick a movie.

“How about ‘How To Be A Serial Killer?’ That’s a good one. I love Matthew Gray Gubler in this one so much.” You fan girl a little.

“Who the fuck is Matthew Gray Gubler? Also, no, not with my line of work. I need a break from that.” Spencer asks with a hint of jealousy in his voice. You clasp your hand over your heart dramatically.

“Ok, fine. how about a Disney Classic? Sleeping Beauty is my favorite.” You ask. Spencer nods. You put the movie on and grab two root beers from your fridge. Spencer thanks you when you hand him one and you lay a big fluffy blanket over you both. Not far into the movie the pizza arrives and you cheers Spencer with your pizza slice.

After you both eat and are full the movie is still on. You’re starting to feel sleepier by the second. Spencer offers you to lay with him and you take him up on it. He’s basically a giant teddy bear. He’s so warm and comfortable.

“I’ve got a real life sleeping beauty right here.” He whispers to you. You smile with your eyes closed. Too sleepy to open. He gets out from under you, to your dismay. He cleans up the trash from eating. He even washes some dishes you had left sitting. When he comes back, you’re still half awake. He sees you sneak an eye open to look at him and your smile after.

“It seems there’s a fair maiden who has fallen asleep. However can we wake her? What if she sleeps for a hundred years?!” He exclaims. You start giggling softly. He leans closer to observe you.

“I don’t believe it! She’s laughing in her sleep! Must be quite a funny dream. Wonder what it is. Only one way to find out.” He gently leans down and kisses your lips softly. This action puts you in shock and you’re blushing. He starts to pull away because doubts fill his mind. You grab his hair and pull him back in.

You both pull back and he starts to ask you,

“Were you ok with that?”

You cut him off, “Yes.” Then you rip your shirt off. Spencer’s in shock. He follows your lead and starts undressing. He picks you up and carries you to your bedroom. The kiss you’re sharing is deepening by the second.

“Fuck why is it so hot in here.” You complain.

“I can think of a few reasons.” Spencer had been kissing you on your neck sucking the skin softly. He lays you back on the bed. He makes you comfortable. He goes down on you and then fucks you like you’ve never been fucked before.

The next morning you woke up naked next to him flashes of last night replaying. You couldn’t believe it. Spencer was so passionate! You didn’t even imagine he liked you like that.

He groans next to you and turns over. You get up and put on some coffee. When you come back into the bedroom he’s awake and looking for you.

“Hey, coffee’s ready.” You lean over and kiss him. He groans too tired to give an answer. He pulls you into the bed and holds you longer.

With him, this felt so easy and realistic.

Then you realize something.

This was meant to be.

the end ♡

to anyone who read this far: hope u enjoyed reading!! please let me know if u enjoyed! xoxo

[sheepispink]

A LIGHT THAT NEVER GOES OUT

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Masterlist AO3

pairings: Simon Ghost Riley/ Reader (platonic or romantic, up to you)

tags: probably loads of military inaccuracies, anxiety attacks (possibly?), heavy angst, angst and comfort, paranoia, bad mental health, cuddling and literal sleeping together (up to you romantic or platonic)

A/N: I’d appreciate if no one complained abt the accuract/realistic of the story (ofc if its the characterisation of ghost that’s perfectly ok!) i’m open for criticisation for how i write etc etc but this is a sensitive topic and.. based off personal experiences 😅😅 so it’s very realistic to me even if its not to you!

This technically takes place after this fic but it’s not a big deal in which the order you read it

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You’re an introvert, even if you do get excited really quickly, loud around people you’ve known for a while and love meeting new people. Yet still, you call yourself an introvert, even if that technically still makes you an extroverted introvert. You don't like the sound of an extrovert— someone who thrives off of others' attention and loves to be the center of it, who brightens their days with their friends and always wants to make plans with anyone and everyone. You like the attention sometimes; when Price mentions your name in a conversation, praising your skills, your heart thumps a little louder. Being at the limelight of the party isn't always the worst thing either, especially when everyone laughs at your jokes so hard they double over, grinning so wide you can't help it either. You love your friends, your teammates, even the random soldiers you’ve only exchanged small greetings with. The love for others is held tight in your heart’s vessels, bursting each and every time they make you smile or you just see their presence. You feel so warm and alive when you give them a grin in the mornings, even more so when they seek out your presence throughout the day.

Though, that only applies sometimes— never always.

A familiar soldier could ask you out to lunch and yet your chest begins to twist uncomfortably, like someone is wringing your intestines with their hands. Something screams at you when they say those words, like an invisible line had just been crossed that had been clear in everyone's heads. You had only ever spoken to those soldiers in the gym or around base, there was nowhere else even remotely personal you’d think to take them to. One on one conversations were not common either, since it wasnt that often. It’s not that you don't like them, it’s just.. not right. You’d shake your head apologetically as you force an excuse between your teeth. The regret you then express is a lie, along with the love you felt before— only reduced to a being who could never hold any of those things.

The truth is, you have a sick little parasite in you, it claws at that heart muscle, tearing away the flesh and devouring any love you feel for the people you care about and replacing it with an empty feeling which is always followed by an unreasonable hatred. Your mind grows dark, headaches permanent, as you live through the day as a skeleton of yourself— no longer able to hold any love within you as it slips past your bones in seconds. You don't like the boundaries you’ve mentally set for each person to be crossed, even if it’s a perfectly normal task. In fact, some may even say you’re scared of change. You don’t like to put a label on these things, hell you don't even like to think too hard on these things. It begins to make sense when you sit and reflect, piecing all the reasons for your behaviour together until you hit the final point. Soon you’re done, finally aware of the most significant reasoning behind your antics. The only issue is, being self aware doesn't mean you get any better; no matter how many nights you sit and stare at that mirror, nothing changes.

The only thing you gained was the ability to squash down the parasite from prying eyes. Excuses fall from your lips quickly, no matter how bad you feel when they give you that look of disappointment. It’s not your fault— you know you won't be able to handle an outing like that, you’d get too worked up. Why? You don't need to dwell on it, not right now. This continues for multiple people, multiple soldiers for two weeks, until you're ‘normal’ and you hang around others again. People begin to subconsciously catch on and so your little routine continues to carry on moving so well, staying right on track.

“Sarge? You aint comin’ to team night? Why?”

Ghost stands at the door of your quarters, dressed in his typical training attire whilst you’re sitting in something cozy, made for home wear. You have to fight the urge to cover yourself up. “Oh right.. i, uh..yknow, lot of paperwork to do. Thought i’d stay in.”

You say with a small smile, attempting to ease any concerns he had before but little did you know, he was already growing aware of your little issue, or at least the fact there was one within you. “Paperwork? On a Friday? You should be relaxin’.” You grit your teeth a little, the burning urge inside of your chest returning just like the sick pit in your stomach. It felt so awful fearing just a simple team night out, but it was just so late and you were so tired— you didnt have the energy to be rational the whole time, to think of your next move constantly.

“It’s not a big deal. I’ll come to the next one.” You shrug, turning back to your small desk as you pull another small stack of papers in front of you. His boots thump loudly against the floorboards, sounding like the heavy thump of your heart in your ears. It stops, suddenly, behind your back and your body stiffens as he leans down, looking at the paperwork you’re going through. It’s a lie— naturally, you finished it all. He doesn't even have to stare at you first nor visibly raise a brow; you’re already waiting for him to call out your bluff just as quickly.

“You can just say you want some time alone, yknow.” That catches you off guard, half expecting him to just tell you to stop whining and grab some drinks. His words were still difficult though, how could you easily just say that? Of course, the words itself aren't the hard part, nor speaking it—it’s the implications behind said words. An excuse means you have other things to occupy you, so no one dares to disturb you much after that, however explaining you want some alone time gives way to more questions. Specifically the first being: why? Then they begin to wonder if you’ve been doing okay recently or if you’re struggling with something. You dont like the idea of that at all— people thinking about you in that way. It feels weird, almost like it’s wrong. Sometimes you wished people would just not care, and leave you alone to wallow with yourself.

“Sarge?” You snap out of it, sheepishly scratching the back of your head as he still stands behind you and you turn in your chair, putting the best meek face you can on for the night. “What? No, that’s not why I declined. I’m not really feeling any alcohol today and a new episode of a series I previously binged on the weekend just came out. Sorry.. didn't want to make it seem i was ditching anyone for a show.” Perfect, an awkward grin had tied it all off into a well constructed excuse. Even if it was partially true and this really wasn't fake, it sure felt like everything you did was an act. After all, you really didn't want them to think you were ditching anyone, and you didn't feel like having any alcohol tonight. “A new series” He says gruffly, and you nod with a tight smile, teeth gritting so hard you’re sure they’ll break in a few seconds. “I’ll join you then.”

You blink once, twice, three times in pure utter confusion. Ghost—The Ghost, whose name is rumoured across the battlefield and known for never giving into idle small talk—wants to watch the series you lied about, with you.

You’ve never felt more guilty in your entire life, practically fumbling for a solution. You could just tell the truth, say no and admit you needed to be alone. But this is the first time he’s ever expressed wanting to hang around you, actually together and alone— and miss out on a team night?! He may just want an excuse out of it, but still, you can't just say no now. “Well yeah, i just..” You hate how there’s no easy way out of this in the slightest, torn between saving your own mental health or finally getting close to the teammate who you’ve been on eggshells around for nearly a year now. “My room’s not exactly clean--“

He cuts you off with a gruff, shake of his head, a scoff resounding in his next words, promptly embarrassing you too. “There ya go— knew you wanted to be alone.”

You fumble, not understanding how he managed to pry it out of you so fast, just a simple lie blowing your cover. “I said it wasn't like-“

“See you tomorrow.” He’s gone just as fast as he silenced you, heavy footsteps disappearing out of your door and down the corridors. What you couldn't wrap your head around is how fast he had figured it out and made you confess to your lies that fast— it was a real problem, something you couldn't just let slide. If he knew, did others too?

Unfortunately for you, the very much needed alone time didn’t help as well as it usually did considering this new information has threatened everything that made up the core of your very being—specifically everything keeping you glued together. You just couldn't sit there and possibly relax like you usually did when alone (more specifically think over everything you’ve done wrong until you quite literally fell asleep mid thought)— not when Ghost could clearly read everything you had ever thought about in your life.

That being said, you’ve been a nervous wreck all week, concentrating so hard on looking sane that you’ve barely paid a second of attention to things you should’ve listened to. It’s not like you slipped up regularly, but before that day you were already feeling pretty uneasy and now with still no relief and the added stress, you feel like you really might lose it any second now. Every time you see him, every word exchanged with your teammates—with another person—it eats at you, tugging further on the ropes you’re hanging onto. They’re already been pulled thin, especially since you’ve been put in charge of a group of rookies for the past few weeks now. Of course, you had pulled the short straw when assignments went round because not only did your group love to talk back, but they loved to test every limit by asking the most stupid of questions possible. It’s the second time now you’ve had to lecture one of the rookies about why you can’t just ‘throw a grenade at the enemies’. It’s only temporary, just basic training exercises and medical procedures they need to know until the Officer, who usually oversees them, returns from their sick leave.

You let out a long breath as you enter the small break room, also known as taskforce 141’s meeting room but they’ve let you lounge in here too many times to count. It’s quiet in here, Soap and Gaz both on missions and you assume Ghost must be too. It’s the first time you’ve been able to relax all week, knowing damn well Price is down in London with Gaz. Your shoulders sag, the miserable look returning to cover your features now that you don't need to pull that tight smile anymore. Your chest physically aches from how anxious you’ve been all day, the weight of the day’s mistakes and fears of the future swelling deep in your gut. You know it’s a Friday, know you should just take a long sleep but you can’t help but think about all you have to do for the days to follow. You’re busy the whole day tomorrow, a team outing you can’t deny no matter how much you really do not want to go. Just thinking of all the final work you’ll have to cram in on Sunday makes a splitting pain run along the bumps in your brain. Even your breaths begin to feel shorter, an uncomfortable feeling that you just still cant rid of no matter how long you take deep breaths. Your eyes are weighed down with exhaustion and yet your brain refuses to let you sleep yet. No, you cannot. If you sleep the night away then you’ll only have Sunday left for yourself, and that won't work out, will it?

You pick up the mug you had just stirred, hoping the drink would soothe at least something if not your dehydrated body. Taking a small sip, the hot liquid spills down your throat, leaving a warm feeling in your ribs. “Alone by choice or force?” A gruff voice rings out behind you, along with an arm reaching around to supposedly grab a teabag as well, is enough to make you flinch. Stumbling on your own feet, your mug jolts and the steaming water splashes against your shoulder. If you were worried about someone catching you so vulnerable before, you were certainly terrified now, especially since your skin was burning from a small startle.

“Fuck— sorry—“

Ghost’s gloved hand settle on one side of your waist while the other quickly takes the mug from your hands and places it upon the counter. You cant respond, barely processing the situation and everything just feels like too much and your skin feels so hot, you know he’s seeing you fall apart and still there’s nothing you can do—

Your thoughts snap to a blank when he presses the cold rag against your burning skin. Thankfully the layers of the training uniform stops any severe marks from forming. His other hand rubs your cheek, his mask so close it could brush your face, and you can actually see every speck of brown in his irises. You can't look at him for long though, moving your gaze away quickly, not when you know what you’ve done. For the past week or two you’ve hated him, painting the most horrible picture in your mind. It wasnt even on purpose, you’ve just started seeing everything wrong about him. He doesnt give the rookies much mercy, nor does he particularly entertain any of Soap’s antics even when the situation is pretty lax. He’s boring, he seems to care about nothing but himself somedays, he refuses to let you do something stupid and he never takes that damn mask off even when you’re all supposed to trust one another. You’ve lied to him, yes, forgetting about your hatred when he made you laugh with those gruff remarks. But he’s not the only one— no, you’ve began to hate everyone in this task force, picking at them and every little thing. It’s weird, you don't want to victimize yourself, because you know you’ve done just as much wrong too. But still, somedays you really can't look past the list of things you dislike about your own friends.

“Are you alright? I havent seen you all week.”

Of course he hasn't, you’ve been avoiding them all. It’s nearly impossible to think straight these days and you knew you wouldn’t be able to fake it so naturally, you just stayed away. The more you did it, the better it began to feel. Avoiding them was the solution— you were just the thorn in their side with your tricky mood swings and anxiety always painting them to be the villain. You couldnt just allow this to happen, to destroy them with your issues even if they had no idea about it.

But now, face to face with him, all you feel is unexplainable guilt for everything you’ve done to them— how could you even hate them for a second? His hand is still rubbing at your skin, nudging your face gently upwards just so you’d at least look at him for a second. “Really? The silent treatment now?.” He sighs and you hate yourself, how did you let this spiral to this point— to where he’s apologising to you and yet you wish you could just disappear. Isnt this what you wanted? For everyone to be kind to you? So why are you running— why do you refuse care?

Your lips press together as your teeth bite down on the soft flesh, torn from how much you’ve picked at the skin the whole week. It aches with anxiety, and your teeth hurt from how often you’ve clenched them so hard they scraped against eachother. The only thing you can do is stand there as Ghost fusses over you, trying to get you to move a damn muscle instead of falling apart silently like some kind of broken watch, unable to move forward or backwards. Just still.

“Sarge— snap out of it, look, I'm sorry. Okay?”

His hands are still on you, and you’ve begged for a day where someone would care this much about you and still, you step back, almost afraid. “I’m sorry, Ghost.” You croak out, your hands reaching up to your eyes as you wipe at your skin obsessively, trying to hide and stop anything from leaking. “Why’re you apologising?” He says gruffly, confused by all of this, this sudden onslaught of emotion.

He’s not stupid, he had a feeling you weren't quite yourself this week. Stupidly, he figured you’d just deal with it on your own. That's what everyone did, right? He knows he just takes a breather when he feels a little rough— even Price had his own battles. Comfort isn't a strong point for Ghost, not even when he was Simon Riley, never has and he never thinks it will be. He’s born and bred on violence and the coldness that comes after it, the lack of warmth even as hot blood trickles and emptiness consumes the space where his fellow soldiers should be. So watching you crumble right before him, apologising profusely while your body wracks with shaken breaths, makes something stop in him too. He doesn't know how he’ll do it, but he knows damn well no one fights alone anymore.

“Look at me.”

He says firmly, both his hands landing firmly on your shoulders, one hand even tempted to just force your chin up but you shake your head profusely. “Why not?” He stays patient for you, even if he knows he may have to force you soon— its the least he can do for you. “I cant look at you. Not after everything i did.” He pauses, hands now settling on your jaw in confusion, he knows this is moving towards an interrogation but he has to know. “What are you talking about?! What did you do?”

“I hated all of you! I avoided you all and destroyed our relationship, i fucked it all up.”

With that he cant stand to see this continue, a gloved hand firmly planted over your mouth as the other wraps around your back. He leads you to the couch even as you squirm, not caring in the slightest. He knows he has strength and not comfort, so he’ll use it to shut you up whilst the truth comforts you instead.

“Look at me.” He says sternly and you do, eyes snapping up with wide fear as you look at him. “That’s not true— okay? None of us consider our relationship with you ruined, not one of us has even mentioned you in a bad light at all.” He makes sure your whole body is pressed against the back of the couch, considering that you didnt particularly look as if you could hold yourself up right now.

“Soap has only talked to me about you once recently— he told me you helped him organize the training schedules for the rookies. Told me to thank you for it because he felt he did not express his gratitude enough. Do you understand now? No one’s mad at you– not one of us have even considered anything to have gone wrong.”

His hand grabs your own, settling it on the center of his chest so you can feel the pattern of his breathing, silently praying you’d try and match it. You can only blink at him though, slowly processing his words with each passing second until his hand leaves your mouth and your lips part, breath hitched before you swallow a sharp breath. “I’ve avoided all of you– i’ve been hating all of you.” You choke out, chest clenching with regret and the weight of unreasonable guilt and his other hand moves to hold your face again, his brown eyes piercing into yours with his silence.

“What is like to hate someone?”

“What?”?

“What is it like to hate someone?” He repeats, his thumb pressing gently into the curve of your cheek.

“I-...” You falter, thinking for a moment before your lips part again. “I dont like things that they do— the way they act and everything about them.”

“You’d avoid them too, right? Like that general you hated. Remember when he touched you and you pushed his hand away?

You nod along in agreement, breathing a bit slower to hopefully ease the pressure on your chest at the moment.

“Y-yeah.. i’d express my dislike clearly..”

“So why did you never push me away the past few weeks? You said you avoided us, but you would always speak to us if we needed to. You still helped Soap too.”

You pause, blinking at him in confusion now, you had convinced yourself that you hated them so why did you never.. actually express it?

“You’re also letting me touch you now and last week you didn't want to hang out with us, but you didnt want to hurt our feelings by saying that.”

You’re left silent, baffled and confused because in your head, you were being horrible to them, hating their guts like it was nothing.

“I think… whatever is going on in that head of yours.” He says slowly, tapping at your forehead gently as you look up at him with widened eyes. “You’ve held it in for too long. You’ve dwelled on those thoughts, so self aware of your own anxieties that you’ve distorted reality. You think you’ve done something bad, because you can't understand why you always feel so bad.” His voice is softer than usual, even if his words are still gruff and holds his thick Manchester accent.

Somehow that alone reminds you that Simon has never lied, not even once, to you. That stern voice of his is straightforward, doesnt mess around and forces his way through any problem. Just like he had just pushed himself to the root of your mind and destroyed your seeds of doubt.

“You’re allowed to talk to us you know. I have a funny feeling you’re scared o’ somethin’. Not sure what just yet.”

He doesnt force you to respond, just speaking his thoughts even if that’s what you usually do when you’re together. The couch creaks as he stand up, pulling you to get up aswell beside him. He places a hand on the crook of your back, gently encouraging you to begin walking towards the door. “Cmon, back to my room. Lets get you cleaned up properly.”

Before you know it, you’re sitting against the headboard of his bed, something you had only felt months ago when you first came here, scared and confused over a stupid hornet. You trusted him to help you then, but you dont understand why you suddenly felt that fear again. Meanwhile, your shirt is half off, Ghost sat on the bed beside you as he inspects the burns on your chest from the tea. It’s harsh, the skin reddened but not enough to be something serious thankfully. He presses a cool towel against it, soothing the stinging skin but he knows it’ll fade out soon enough. You’re wearing his old shirt, and he gave you some comfortable sweatpants too for good measure. You just watch all his moves so quietly, feeling like a ghost yourself in this moment from how detached you are. It’s weird, feeling so much yet nothing at the same time.

“Nothing too bad, should be alright by the morning.” He hums, lifting the fresh mug of tea he brewed for you and brings it to your lips for you to sip before he steals some for himself. “Is your chest still tight?” You blink, not expecting him to ask that of all things because you hadnt exactly mentioned that part and yes, it was. “How did you know..?” Your hand reaches out, silently asking for more of the tea he graciously lets you sip, unable to fathom how he brews it so perfectly each time. “You were clutching at your chest before and your breaths are a little shorter than they should be.” He’s seen straight through you again so you slump your shoulders and just nod quietly. “Yeah, it’s really tight. It’s always like this and i dont know how to make it stop.”

His gloved hand reaches out, gently rubbing at your chest thus making you sink a little back into the pillows. Before he can respond, you speak up with a quiet confession. “That day, when you came ‘round, I was upset. You said you wanted to watch the series with me and I felt so bad. I didn't want to give up my only chance of spending time with you, but I knew my head couldn't take it.”

He nods along quietly, letting you reveal it all to him. “T-then you figured me all out and i got scared— i didnt want someone to know everything about me because i didnt want to be a problem. I want someone to listen but i dont want to be seen as something different. I just.. i dont know how to handle all of this. I dont feel like the person i am when i look in the mirror.”

The strangest thing of all is that it didnt actually take you long to figure it out. You knew all along, of course, but when you’re fighting against yourself, you’re supporting both sides and so a part of you decided not to dwell on a certain bit of information too much. The reason for that to be pushed aside is no part of you wanted to face it.

Your heart always secretly wished someone would find out— that someone would push past the walls you’ve banged so hard against even if they were crafted by the webs of your brain. You prayed and prayed that they’d read through it all, express their concern and one day, one day you’d be saved from this hellish feeling. It was a common daydream for you and yet you were terrified of it. If someone knew, there was no guarantee they’d follow the fantasy. They could ridicule you, or they couldnt be able to comfort you at all, maybe they’d try and it wouldnt even do anything or maybe, just maybe— they wouldnt give a damn about it. What happened then? If that daydream was real, and that was the final outcome, there was no turning back in time. It seemed like only one person would ever figure you out, after all, no one had up until this point.

But then Simon became aware, and you got terrified. You hid away because you were too scared to know his reaction to your problems, even more so his reaction to you. You wanted someone to help, you really did, and yet your brain feared to know the uncertain future of it.

His ungloved hands card through your hair, the callouses gentle against your scalp as he slowly scratches at it. “You need to speak with us, and the others. Your feelings are real— hell, we all have our doubts. I used to feel it before every mission. Soap began to tell me his, then Gaz joined too. Price always looks for a way to solve it, and i give my two pence when i feel i want to. Just cause you feel different, doesnt mean you are. Plenty o’ people felt the same way you did before.”

“Really..? I’m not like.. crazy?”

“No, never. Even if you do some stupid shit sometimes.”

That makes you finally crack a real smile, even if its small and you’re unable to stifle the small chuckle that bubbles in your throat and although he’s the epitome of stoicism, he smiles beneath the mask. “Everyone’s out on a mission, ya can't leave me alone tonight. C’mere.”

You settle yourself in the crook of arm as he lays back against the bed with you, propping up his laptop on his lap as he searches for a good movie.

“You better report back to me everyday this week, alright? I want you here at nine pm sharp, dressed in your pajamas. That’s an order.”

Thinking over all your previous daydreams of how this would eventually go, this was far from how you expected it to be. Firstly, you never expected Ghost, nor it to happen in the military at all. Perhaps you thought maybe later in life it’d occur or maybe Soap or Price would figure it out. Either way, you arent actually upset over it. No one would be your fairy tale saviour in life, coming forward to fight the demons that plagued your head all the time. Even so, the way Ghost had shut you up and calmed you down makes you think he’s pretty damn close to being one, even if knights usually dont scoff at their princess.

He doesnt even look like he’d be willing to give a little kid a hug, but still, you couldnt be happier with how this turned out in the end. Compared to fairytale princes and men in the movies, you knew Ghost and you knew he was serious— so if he wanted to help you, he would. And no, he wouldnt ridicule you throughout the process, nor ever feel like you’ve been misheard. You know that if you spoke to Ghost, he’d listen earnesty and never forget, carrying that around with him even if those anxieties eventually died out.

You knew he’d always linger around, never forgetting you or leaving you behind. Just like a Ghost.

“Okay, i promise i will.”

You say softly, pressing your cheek against the curve of his chest, the faint thump of his heartbeat drowning out any lost thoughts. He was your support, and no matter how bad it got for you, no matter how many times you get overwhelmed and lash out, not even when you avoid everyone— he’d never break away. No, he would always be beside you.

[amber-sekio]

Relationship Headcanons

Fandom: BSD -Bungo Stray Dogs

TW: none? I think? 

DAZAI 

I said it in my Soukoku fic, Dazai wouldn’t know affection if it slapped him in the face ten times 

Like he might realize when someone is showing interest in a sexual kind 

And he would probably notice if someone is crushing on him 

But like, if he likes them back? 

No 

Man is blind 

He’s too busy panicking over read denying his own thoughts and feelings over you to analyze your actions 

He’s busy trying to think of anything but how pretty you are when he sees you -thank you very much 

No joke though, this can be applied to pretty much anyone he cares about 

I mean he practically had a heart attack when Atsushi gave him flowers 

Anyways if he finally admits to himself that he likes you then I could see him trying to push you away if I’m being brutally honest 

He doesn’t want to lose you and he believes that anything he wants that he obtains, will be striped from him sooner or later 

But…, in a perfect world he would eventually work up the courage to ask you out 

He would probably avoid directly asking you but this is Dazai so he could defiantly figure out some round-about way to ask 

As for the relationship? 

He would still be his teasing self 

But he would tone it down 

Not because he doesn’t want to annoy you but more so because he actually lets some of his masks down when alone with you 

He defiantly is very clingy to you 

Man has been touch starved for a long time and he fears attachment too much to be touchy with the ADA members 

But now he has you, who not only tolerates him but has decided to stay with him? 

Of course he’s not going to let this chance slip from his grasp before all this inevitably ends (he’s still in denial) 

He never cared much for holidays like Christmas or Valentines 

But now he wants to experience them, with you 

He’s always thinking, plans and outcomes racing through his mind, what ifs and regrets  

But like, if you ruffle his hair, his brain just stops. 

Like no thoughts, he short circuits 

When his brain returned to him the first time it happened he panicked 

Like, who gave you that amount of control? 

After that first time he continued to try and get you to do it without asking 

He needed his brain to shut up every now and then, and now he has a reliable source 

Anyways, he likes to be a spoiled princess 

No one can change my mind 

For all his predictions he will never be able to predict your love and kindness for him 

CHUUYA 

Someone give this poor man a hug 

Ugh, my heart 

I can‘t imagine him wanting to date a normal citizen, too much of a risk 

So you’d probably have to work in the Mafia 

Even then, dating you would still be placing a huge target on you 

He would actually take you out on dates before asking you out 

Dates with him would be romantic 

Like dinner by candle light vibes 

He’d be strategic on where you guys sit 

No need to be precarious on what you order, it’s all on him 

When he does ask you out he would be slightly flustered but it just makes him adorable 

Say yes, he doesn’t deserve to be hurt any more 

He would spoil you to no end 

If you want it, you can have it 

You’re the only one allowed to call him short 

He might get flustered from PDA in the start but will gradually warm up to it 

Nothing clingy, just hand holding, a hand around your waist, a quick kiss here or there 

But if he sees some guy hitting on you? 

Down right possessive, arm snug around your waist, shoulder to shoulder 

And if he’s drunk? Even worse 

Like he’s pulling you onto his lap just to make sure that asshole knows your taken 

If you do work in the mafia with him, he likes going on easier missions with you 

And while he knows that you can handle yourself just fine, he can’t help but imagine something bad happening to you when he isn’t there to save you 

He’s lost too many people in his life, please, don’t leave him as well 

He loves when you rest your head on his chest and listen to his heartbeat 

And while you do that he’ll run his fingers through your hair 

Chuuya loves to spoil you rotten as I stated, it’s his love language 

So sometimes he’ll just hand you his black card and let you go shopping with friends or something 

In fact, he encourages you to buy what you want 

FYODOR 

Honestly? Where do I start with him? 

Like congratulations if you meet him and make it out alive 

I don’t know if I should congratulate him taking an interest in you though 

I feel like he believe that the interest he had in you was purely innocent curiosity 

But I also don’t think he would try to delude himself for as long as Dazai does 

Eventually he would notice that something was different about his interest for you than usual 

And while he would hesitate to put a name to it so quickly he would eventually give in after realizing there was no stoping this feeling from festering in him 

After coming to terms with his romantic? Feelings and interest in you he would definitely begin to manipulate you into feeling the same way for him 

If you don’t already that is 

If you don’t confess then he’ll definitely do the same thing Dazai did 

And when you agree, he of course knew you would, he makes you move in with him 

He can’t let his dearest other slip from his finger now can he? 

I feel like before ever getting into a relationship, you would have been made aware of his ‘work’  

Please, make sure the man eats 

And takes his iron pill 

Nikolai is getting a little tired of that daily routine despite how much he loves to be around Fyodor 

Anyways, dates aren’t a very common thing in fact, very, very rare 

I mean… what did you expect? 

Man’s a literal terrorist 

That being said, from time to time he’ll leave his ‘lair’ to spend time with you 

If you ask, he’ll gladly play the cello for you 

If he snaps at you for ‘bothering him with pointless things’ when you bring him his iron pill or food just listen 

Don’t bother him with such things 

And then same thing the next day 

And after some 4 or 5 days he’ll stumble from his room 

Staggering as he tries not to collapse or faint from both his lack of energy and his iron deficiency 

And when he walks into the kitchen trying to get the iron pill bottle open? 

Let him stumble his way over to you and ask for help before you finally do as such 

And he realizes just how dependent on you he’s become 

It’ll happen again eventually 

But as of that moment, it’ll at least be awhile before the cycle repeats 

(That last part of Fyodor’s was based upon some fanfic I read for him. I'm not sure who it was by, but I’ll tag it if and when I do find it.) 

A/N: anyways, believe it or not, I love Chuuya just as much as I do Fyodor and Dazai 

I’m just not as confident in his character. Since I’m a lot like Dazai, he comes easy to me and by substitute, Fyodor does as well 

But Chuuya? Despite him being one of my 5 favorites along with Dazai and Fyodor, I just don’t resonate personally enough with him to write him really well

[rafeandonlyrafe]

the compound part two

words: 2.6k

warnings: very brief illusion to sex (still sfw), alien apocalypse au!, violence, guns/shooting, little bit of angst

part one / part two

you let out a groan as you wake up, stretching before realizing you aren't laying atop your usual bedroll laid over grass and soil, but rather a real bed.

“shh, it's okay.” rafe presses a kiss to your forehead. 

“oh my god, it was real.” you open your eyes to rafe hovering over you, a look of slight concern in his eyes.

“it's real, im here.” he says softly. you look down at your body. rafe had partially undressed you to make your sleep more comfortable, as well as bandaged the cut on your leg.

“was it bad?” you ask, tilting your knee to see your calf. the gauze is completely clean and sterile white, not something you've seen since the aliens came.

“it wasn't too deep. you won't need stitches but will have to stay off it for a bit.” rafe moves to lay down next to you, letting you snuggle into his chest. you block it out for a minute. block out the pain, the fear, the death and destruction. in this moment, it's just you and rafe.

“i also cleaned you up a bit. still sleep just as deep.” rafe smirks. you examine your body closer, arms and legs gently washed clean from the dirt and grime built up that felt inevitable.

“how did you get here?” you question. “how did you become in charge of all of… this?”

“my uncle, the one in the military. he was stationed here. i figured since he was high ranking, he would be kept in charge of the base while the other soldiers went to fight the aliens…” rafe continues to explain his story. how as soon as he arrived, his uncle made him his right hand man until the base was attacked by aliens. rafe managed to survive along with a few others who looked to him for leadership. they reinforced the base and expanded ever since.

“how much food do you have?” you ask. 

“enough.” rafe simply says, which makes you frown and pick your head up to look at him.

“is it true you don't help anyone? even those who beg?”

rafe sighs. he knew this topic would inevitably come up. you have a soft heart, sure you've built up walls after being burnt too many times trying to help others, but your nature is still gentle and sweet compared to rafes.

“i gotta put my men first. i can't just give handouts to anyone who wants them. we'd have nothing left for ourselves.” rafe hopes the explanation is enough to dissuade you. “but you're first now, baby. the men here will protect you. you don't have to fight anymore.”

you allow rafe to turn you onto your back, to kiss you while hovering over you, relaxing his body into yours as you reconnect, trying desperately to make up for lost time.

--

“when is the next hunting party going out?” you ask rafe, scratching your fingers over his head, rubbing through his hair as he looks at the various papers scattered on his desk. maps of nearby areas, lists upon lists of ingredients, even a guide to native plants.

“probably dawn tomorrow. we are hoping for deer.” rafe says, glancing at the schedule that he has planned out. more detailed for upcoming days, while far off plans are just jotted in.

“can i go with them? im pretty good with a bow.”

rafes hands stop shuffling through the papers, air in the room suddenly going stale. “y/n… it's not safe outside the fence.” 

“i lived outside the fence for months. i can hold my own. plus, your guys will have guns.” guns can be hit or miss after the aliens shut down a lot of technology, but thankfully the military ones kept in the base were in pretty good working order. still, everyone prefers their deer to be taken down with arrows.

rafe pushes away from the desk, turning to pull you down onto his lap. “no. im sorry. just… no.”

“rafe, im going to go fucking crazy just staying inside the fence. you barely even let me outside.” it's been two months of adjusting to compound life, two months of reconnecting with rafe, watching him lead with confidence and authority. two months of the itching feeling to move growing.

“i know the alien attacks have lessened. a lot of people think they've pulled out, but we still have occasional sightings. you know how quickly things happen. if you're outside, you're vulnerable.”

you sigh, seeing the look in rafes eye. so much pain and hurt. “okay.” you nod. “okay, not tomorrow. but at some point, i need to do… something, anything.”

“we'll figure it out.” rafe nods. “i promise.”

“thank you.” you nod. so many things have changed about your dynamic since the end of the world, but it still feels familiar at moments, you sitting on his lap, leaning forward and pressing your lips against his.

“i need you.” you whisper against rafes lips, hands moving down his chest.

“i should keep working.” rafe hums, even as his hands move underneath your shirt.

“but you won't.” you giggle.

--

you stand behind rafe as he hands out assignments. compound life is a lot different than anything you expected. they focus much more internally, whether it's reinforcing the base or making things more comfortable for the men and few women there.

“klaus, tim and fiona…” rafe reads off the names, the three stepping forward. you know tim a little bit, with him being one of the closest men to rafe, but you haven't interacted with most of the people, rafes orders keeping everyone busy.

“we are turning the central courtyard into a garden. fruits, vegetables, whatever you can get to grow.” rafe explains. he's taken you past the central courtyard before, completely surrounded by compound buildings. it'll be a lot of work, it's completely overgrown, no big trees but years of brush build up.

“y/n.” rafe calls you forward next. you blink at your boyfriend before stepping forward. “you'll be project lead.”

“yes- yes, sir.” you've never called rafe sir before, but it seems right considering the environment, everyone else addressing him as such. rafe didn't mention this assignment to you, but you're glad he did as he hands you a packet of papers, nodding to you to head off with the three compound crew.

you glance back at rafe as you head out of the auditorium. he's already assigning new orders, but catches your eye, nodding to you for encouragement.

you go through the papers with everyone, finding the three people rafe chose an easy mesh. you should have known, they're likely hand picked for you rather than for the actual project.

“i was a botanist before…” klaus says, pausing when your eyes widen, clearly surprised. you never would have guessed a man with such a hard exterior had a job like that before the aliens came.

“a lot has changed since.” klaus grunts out. “everyone is different.”

“i know.” you frown, breaking eye contact. “i didn't mean any offense.”

silence stretches out until fiona clears it with a clearing of her throat. “well, as a botanist or whatever, what plants or shit do we… well, plant.”

you like fiona already. it makes sense that she has been thriving at the compound, her personality being even tougher than most of the men.

klaus begins to explain, and before long the day is over, parting ways as you head back to rafes chambers.

“sorry i sprung that on you.” rafe says when you enter the room, clearly holding back to see if you're upset. “i just wanted to give you something to do.”

“it's okay, i understand.” you nod. springing it on you also deprives you of the chance to say no, which you can't blame rafe for. “it's also good that the rest of the compound sees me contributing.”

“it is.” rafe nods. “can i kiss you then?”

“yes, im not mad.” you smile at your boyfriend, wrapping your arms around his shoulders as his lips meet yours.

“our canned food is running low. barely, but it is. this garden is really important, baby.” rafe says softly. “whatever plants grow best, we will be planting more.”

“it's a good plan.” you nod. “sustainable.”

--

“i guess it makes sense.” you shrug as you fill out your reports. it seems silly to hand in papers stating to rafe what you tell him every night, but it's important to document the progress of the garden.

“what does?” tim questions, also charting his own responsibilities, having split up the work between the four of you to make it easier.

“that the native plants are the ones growing best.”

“i didn't even realize that.” tim laughs, his southern accent thick. he's one of the few at the compound who were stationed here before the attack, originally from louisiana, but claimed he has no interest in going back, knowing there's no one out there waiting for him.

“i think your boy toy is thinking about expanding the garden.” fiona smirks, always coming up with creative names for rafe, especially after seeing the way he hovers over you, even shooting daggers into klaus when he got just a little too close while planting seeds.

“that'd be great. i know we have canned food still and the deer but having fresh food is so needed.” you look up to the courtyard, having chosen to work in an office with a view of the garden. the fresh air is also great for you. you know it's the real reason rafe gave you the job. it allowed you to be outside while still being surrounded by four walls.

“let's call it for tonight.” tim says, setting down his pen. “we have all of tomorrow to work on the reports too.”

“sounds good.” you nod, waving goodbye to everyone until you're the only one in the room. you look out onto the flourishing garden once more before heading out. you know you're not truly alone as two men shadow you, armed to the teeth with guns and knives. your protection, sanctioned by rafe. you turn the corner of the compound, hearing their footsteps speed up to keep visual of you.

instead of turning down the hallway leading towards rafes bedroom, you turn the opposite way towards the exit. you take a deep breath upon pushing open the doors, allowing yourself to breathe in the fresh air, the smell of trees and nature thick instead of the musty smell inside the compounds old walls.

“ma’am.” a harsh voice rings out from the shadows, making you jump. “rafe said to keep you inside.”

“oh please.” you roll your eyes. “the compound hasn't been attacked in months. ill be fine.”

at the capping of your words, a gunshot sounds from further down the fenceline. “get back inside, now!” the man yells at you, sprinting to see what was shot at. maybe it's just a misfire, or someone got lucky and saw a deer.

your detail finally realizes where you've gone, the doors opening behind you as shouts sound out from where the gunfire was heard. you look back at the men, sworn to protect you. they usher you back inside, but instead you turn the other way, towards the noise and action.

you just want to see what's going on as they creep behind you. you get closer, having to squint through the darkening sky to see that the fence has been torn down in one section, flattened like a stampede has rolled through. that's when you hear it. the familiar clicking and rattling associated with the aliens. you hold in your gasp, knowing noise will just attract them towards you as you press your back into the brick wall, hoping that you're camouflaged as you peek around the corner of the building, seeing the alien, a grotesque mix of bloody flesh and robotic gears and metal.

“y/n!” a familiar voice whisper-screams at you. “i need to get you back inside, now.”

you turn away from the corner as the alien bends down over a man who is clearly already long gone to see tim, a gun in hand. 

“kill that thing.” you gesture your head around the corner, wanting it gone before it can do any further harm.

“my orders are to keep you safe. ill get you inside first and then we will take it out.” tim explains in a quiet voice. you both realize far too late that it wasn't quiet enough as the clicking gets closer.

“run!” tim shouts, throwing himself around the corner, gun spraying bullets as you sprint, the two guards pull you back, pushing you across the opening towards the closest doors.

you scramble when you hear a scream from tim. “no!” you shout, grabbing one of their guns. one you barely know how to use, but you need to save your friend.

you rush back around the corner when you see the alien over top of tim, one of his arms in its disgusting mouth. you let out a war cry, hoping the bullets previously sprayed into him will be enough for your shots to be the final straw and kill it as you raise your gun, firing at least enough to distract the monster, head turning towards you. 

you back up but continue shooting, joined by your guards who quickly flank you. it must be a mature alien, with how many bullets its taking to take it down. you back up, allowing the men to shoot as you back towards the entrance, ready to take cover if needed.

“y/n!” rafe shouts, bursting through the doors. “get inside, now!” your gun clicks, out of bullets. you drop it and run to rafe, letting him pull you inside. you look through the windows on the door, through the thick bulletproof glass as the alien finally falls.

“tims hurt, he needs help.” you tell rafe, but he doesn’t seem to hear you as his face is one of anger.

“you disobey me? i told you to stay inside, and look what happens when you don’t listen!” 

“disobey?” you rip yourself out of rafes hold, taking a step back as men rush out the doors between the two of you, to help tim, get rid of the aliens nasty carcass, and most importantly to the compound, repair and reinforce the fence, the alien obviously able to exploit a weak spot.

you press your back against the wall until the stream of men stop. “in case you forgot, i’m not one of your soldiers. im your fucking girlfriend.” you stomp away from rafe, knowing he can’t follow as he has to lead the men outside.

--

“tims fine.” its the first thing rafe says to you as he enters into your bedroom. you’re changed into your pajamas, but are sat on the edge of the bed, feet dangling as your toes touch along the soft rug.

“his arm from the elbow down wasn’t saveable, but he’ll live.” rafe undoes his weapons before moving to kneel in front of you. you should speak, reply, but you can’t force your mouth to open.

“i’m sorry. sorry for treating you like that.” rafe places his hands on your knees, glad that you don’t push him away. “i love you. i love you so fucking much and i don’t want to lose you. i’ll give you what freedom i can but- but i need you to keep yourself safe too. if you wanted to leave the building that badly, you could have told me.” “i know.” your voice is hoarse. “i love you too.” “im just so fucking scared all the time. i think about you constantly. whenever i can’t see you, im just fucking anxious.” rafe places his head into your lap, relieved when your fingers rub over his scalp, his hair cropped short in the same fashion as most of the men.

“you’re not gonna lose me, rafe.” you promise him. “we found each other. here, at the end of the world, we made our way back to each other.”

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[cherlawa-panna]

Barney Barton META: Childhood

This isn't exactly the META, more like a big note with my thoughts about Barney's personality during his childhood. Given that Clint's past, and Barney's past as well, is changed too often in the comics and it's confusing to understand what's going on, I'm going to take the bits that I think are important and squeeze it together. Because if I wanted to put everything in order logically, it would be impossible - his agenda changes too often.

I'll only talk about their lives before their parents' deaths and their first years in the circus. Barney's personality changes dramatically as he gets older and I don't want to write too much in one post.

Dedicated to @carcrash429 and @hawkzeyes. I love you <3

TW: Mentions of child abuse, violence, underage drinking

1. What kind of child was Barney?

The first thing worth noting is that despite the constant changes in Barney's personality, the authors always try to emphasize his role in Clint's story — as one who is "the worse brother," the "rotten" one who causes problems and is a schemer. The bad brother who is the opposite of the good brother. Two sides of the same coin — you know the deal.

Honestly, only Hawkeye Vol.3 showed Barney in some way as "morally better" than his brother. Everywhere else, it's emphasized that he's the worse version of Clint. You know the deal, Clint is the good-shoe guy, and Barney is the worst thing that ever existed. But why?

As we know, childhood plays a crucial role in shaping a person. To truly understand Barney, we need to delve into his early years and explore what kind of child he was. So let's start it, shall we?

- VIOLENT

A recurring trope we see in Clint's childhood memories is Barney teaching him something. I'll mention about this later in the post, but for now, let's focus on the most significant skill he taught Clint, which reveals a lot about Barney himself: he taught Clint how to fight.

(Hawkeye 2012 #12)

Not the self-defense way where you hit someone and run away. Not the stereotypical superhero kind where you fight to defeat someone because you're the good guy and they're the bad guy. No, Barney taught him how to fight in a way that would hurt, how to knock someone down so that they wouldn't be able to stand on their feet anymore.

(Hawkeye 2012 #15 & #21) [rip photo limit]

If someone attacks you, you show no mercy. An eye for an eye. A tooth for a tooth. Beat them so they won't want to hurt you anymore.

(Hawkeye 2012 #19)

If there’s no one to defend you, you have to defend yourself. Barney started teaching Clint how to fight after Clint attempted to attack their father. It’s clear that Barney is the reason why his brother even knows how to hurt people. However, it was never explained why Bernard knows how to fight or where he learned this skill. And that's understandable; this flashback is about our golden boy, not about his problematic brother.

To understand why Barney might know how to fight, we need to explore his relationship with violence as a child.

He is an example of how trauma can make you angry—at what happened and what continues to happen. As a child still living with his parents, Barney is filled with hatred towards their father. This contrasts with Clint, who, for a long time, was the "good child" trying his best to earn his father's affection and better treatment.

(Solo Avengers 1988 #2)

Bernard was a "smart-mouth brat" who didn’t hesitate to speak back, even though he knew the consequences of doing so. Even better, this little guy wanted to beat his dad up so badly. Clint would never consider acting this way (until the events of Hawkeye Vol. 4, but I'll discuss that later). And it also seems that this wasn’t the first time Barney had behaved like this.

I have a theory that Barney likely had conflicts with other adults as well, mostly because of his statement in Solo Avengers 1988 #2 panel, where he says, "I'll show them all." This implies that he probably didn't want to take revenge against JUST his father. The way I interpret it is that his father wasn't the only person who treated him badly. We can interpret this in different ways: maybe he was talking about his bullies, maybe teachers or anybody who ever treated him badly. Who knows?

Avengers: Roll Call highlights how different their approach to their father was. Barney is explicitly described as being cynical and resentful as a child. In fact, he is described as a bitter kidwho took of his frustation on Clint by bullying him.

And his different approach to Harold is visible. Barney he has never been shown to say anything positive about their father. True, Clint also hated Harold, but as shown earlier, Clint for some time hoped he'd change, whereas Barney never believed in it. He always saw their father as a scumbag.

(Hawkeye: Blindspot #1)

His hatred for his father and how he was treated, naturally influenced his behavior in childhood, which you could see before. And we know he wasn't a "good boy" in any ways. Like for example, in Blindspot, Clint mentions that Barney was never the smarter of the two and believed that sometimes you need to fight dirty.

This panel illustrates that Bernard believed that the best way to resolve conflicts wasn't through calm, peaceful ways but by fighting dirty. It paints him as someone who often relied more on brute force. Because, in his eyes, it is an easier and more proven way to deal with problems. He saw it from his father and most likely from others that it was the best way; it always worked on him and Clint after all. 

Barney is depicted as a child who has no problem with being aggressive or violent, as shown in Hawkeye (2012) even towards his brother. Yes, while his intent was to provoke Clint, stir him up, and push him to act, the fact remains that Barney still resorted to violence.

Additionally, Barney used violence against Clint because he knew that this was the most effective way to provoke a reaction from him. By mimicking their father, he wanted to trigger Clint's deep-seated rage and bitterness—emotions that were already boiling beneath the surface.

Barney knew that Clint, fueled by anger and resentment towards their father at this moment, would respond to this. It’s likely that Barney didn’t spend much time thinking what he should do; he simply resorted to the method he knew best.

Despite his hatred for his father, he still copy him in some ways, and this behavior pattern stayed with him. Barney struggles to express his emotions or wants verbally, something that continues into his adult life. He rarely communicates his thoughts directly, instead, his feelings are often showed through his actions. This tendency is mostly evident in how he expresses his anger, which is often in violence.

He never fully learned healthier ways. While joining the army may have helped him develop some emotional control, his involvement in the Trickshot "business" clearly ruined it lmao.

Before I expand further on Barney's ability to fight, I want to finish the subject about their father (because I started it and I want to finish it. I know it makes this post very chaotic, but I can't help it).

-AFRAID

In Hawkeye (2012) there is a noticeable shift in the Bartons brothers. Barney becomes more calm, while Clint got increasingly bitter. It’s almost as if they’ve swapped their attitudes.

This is particularly evident in a scene where Clint attacks their father.

Initially, I thought Clint was solely focused on his father during this scene. However, it wasn’t until I noticed Barney’s eyes—fixed on Clint—that I realized he was also looking at him. He would first glance at Barney and then shift his focus to their father. Remember this, because it will be important later.

So let's focus on Barney in this moment (because this is a post about him, duh). Specifically when he says "Clint."

While we might interpret this as a warning to prevent Clint from doing something stupid, because Barney might have known it would upset him and make him do something reckless. But based on Barney's reaction afterwards, you can get the impression that it was the first time when Clint did something like that.

At that moment during dinner, Barney probably shouldn’t have know that Clint would react this way. So this "Clint" warning doesn't make any sense. Given that Clint was known to be a well-behaved child and Barney was his polar opposite, we have to look elsewhere for an explanation. And I'll rush you with my theory.

Since we know from All-New-Hawkeye, Barney was the one who always stood up for his brother (for example: Barney took the blame when they were suppose to work, but they sneaked in to see a perfomance)-

-then Clint might have been looking at Barney, hoping he would speak up against their father. Since he has been "obedient" so far, it’s reasonable to think that Barney might have developed a habit of standing up for him. After all, Barney didn't care about their father's opinions and hated his guts, so he could also speak on Clint's behalf just to piss their father off.

But when Clint realized that Barney had no intention of that, he reacted himself, which, as I mentioned earlier, was something he had never done before.

That's why I think the "Clint" could be interpreted as "Clint, not this time." Especially since Barney appears resigned to me.

Now you might be wondering: Why didn't Barney react? Why did Barney change his attitude? The answer is simple! This whole situation happened after Clint lost his hearing.

Let's take a closer look at this: Barney in Hawkeye (2012) is much calmer than in earlier comics showing him as a child. Here, we see that he's trying to take care of his brother (like when he came to Clint's room after the whole incident and brought an ice pack for the bruises). I think he stopped being so "rebellious" at home to not upset their father. Probably out of fear; if their father was capable to beat Clint so badly that he lost his hearing, what else might he be capable of?

So it's only logical for Barney to temper his normal behavior.

-A Troublemaker

Let's return to the topic of fighting: We can see that he learned how to fight so he could defend himself from his father. And due to his previously mentioned behavior, we can get the impression that he engaged in fights very often as a child.

He must have learned these skills from somewhere, so it’s clear he picked them up outside the home.

How did he learn? Who did he learn from? I don't know! It was never shown or mentioned where he learned all this, but I have theories.

Personally, I think Barney got himself in the wrong crowd during his childhood. Why?

Barney's main 'thing' in the comics is that he was in his brother's shadow and wanted to outshine him. And seriously, this is one of the main reasons why Barney hated his brother when he was in Dark Avengers lol. I honestly believe that their parents, especially after Clint lost his hearing, focused more on the good behaved younger brother, which may have led Barney to seek attention elsewhere. As a troublemaker, Barney likely engaged in stupid and dangerous behavior to gain the approval of others—behavior that fits his character trope. And I'm talking about drinking alcohol and stealing candy from the store.

Barney was shown twice drinking alcohol without flinching. While it’s possible he started drinking occasionally because their father did the same, I believe it’s likely that he also picked up this habit from other kids.

Adult Barney in the comics is portrayed as a charismatic guy with notable leadership skills. That's why I think that he definitely had a lot of childhood friends and wasn't a loner. However, he probably was not as popular as he wanted and due to his difficult personality (his bad temper), he certainly did not have stable friendships. This means there’s a good chance Barney fell in with the wrong crowd and because out of desperation to be liked, he would definitely do stupid things.

This kid was good with people. He was a fast-talker and had the ability to easily persuade people. Like, he successfully convinced Carson to take in two orphans from an orphanage. C'mon, he clearly had skills.

Barney is a manipulative bastard, who had a natural knack for playing people like a fiddle. I don't think I need to provide much evidence for that; after all he was in the mafia and held a high position there as an undercover FBI agent. That says it all.

The beginnings of his manipulating and persuading tactics began in childhood. We see in that infamous panel how he used his brother to do his chores. Of course, Clint started it on his own, hoping it would prompt Barney to stop being such an asshole. But you can bet that Barney did everything in his power to ensure Clint continued to do his chores. You can see it in his smirk.

(Solo Avengers 1988 #2)

From Avengers: Roll Call, we also know that Barney was bored and unloaded his anger on Clint by bullying him. Does this make Barney a villain evil brother? No. Based on other Clint's memories, he wasn't abusive, he was simply an asshole. And Clint, desperate for any form of affection, ended up in a this mix with Barney. It's a recipe for disaster.

Another intriguing detail worth mentioning is that Barney clearly had a thing or two on his conscience. We can see from the interaction between him and Jacques when the old man tried to persuade him into stealing.

"But you, you're a scrapper, Barney. Something tells me you know what it takes to survive"

So we know he wasn't an innocent child then. And Jacques was aware of this and knew that Barney would not refuse such offer. Of course, it can be said that he knew survival techniques from the orphanage, since as we know, the life in there was not sunshine and rainbows. But as we know from their life, their hardest lessons in survival came from their father. For years, Barney has learned how to play dirty to survive, even more than Clint. As Barney himself reflected in Hawkeye: Blindspot, he was the "Tricky One."

Did he steal before? Possible. Maybe he stole things in the orphanage. Or maybe candies from the store like I said before. No matter what, we know that he wasn't a good child.

-ENVIOUS

Since we’re discussing Barney’s involvement with stealing for circus, it’s worth noting that his agreement was fueled by jealousy. Because Clint got more attention and could do something better than him. This jealousy was never about wanting to be a performer/archer himself—contrary to what some people in fandom might think, Barney never showed any desire to be a circus attraction like his brother. In fact, when Swordsman offered them the chance to be his assistants, Bernard immediately refused.

He was simply envious of the attention Clint received and didn’t care about the circus itself. This jealousy made him more willing to engage in thefts—he was driven by a desire to be better than his brother in something. And well, being a tricky was one of the few things Barney excelled at.

2. What kind of brother was Barney?

-A TEACHER

The fact that Barney took care of his brother is already known from the post. He taught him everything from silly things like tossing a coin into a bottle, to more practical skills such as driving a car (possibly even a motorcycle) and how to talk with women. This shows that Barney genuinely cared for Clint and didn't want him to be a loser in life. Which makes sense since Bernard was in some way his caretaker after their parents deaths.

-A PROTECTOR

But more of him being "a caring big brother" was shown in All-New Hawkeye. While I don't like Hawkeye All-New, I do appreciate how it delves into Clint and Barney’s past.

Barney is the one who goes to their foster father and took the blame, because he did not want this bastard to hurt Clint.

He was also the one who offered to earn money for Clint so his brother could focus on learning archery instead and wouldn't be kicked out of the circus.

He repeatedly shouldered every responsibility and tried to protect him.

As previously mentioned, when Barney first got involved in "work" for Carson, his initial motivation was jealousy of the attention Clint was receiving and a desire to prove his own worth. However, as time went on, Barney became less enthusiastic about the thefts but felt compelled to continue. He knew that stopping could lead to them being throwed out from the circus—the only place where they could call a "home". And despite everything, he was determined not to drag Clint into this mess too.

In Hawkeye Vol. 3, it’s noted that Barney encouraged Clint to pursue his education ever since they escaped from the orphanage. I interpret this as Barney recognizing that life in the circus was neither secure nor ideal. He was not emotionally attached to this place, viewing it merely as a temporary situation. Barney wanted Clint to have more opportunities beyond the circus, which contrasted sharply with his brother belief that the future was bound there.

(That’s why I dislike the trope in fanfics where Barney is portrayed as someone who would let Clint to die because of circus. NO. While joining the circus was initially Barney’s idea, they stayed because it was their only option at the time. Barney would always choose his brother over the circus. He only left because he was fed up with living that way and saw no way to get Clint out, since Clint was too stubborn.)

What’s interesting to me is that Barney seems to have stopped stealing for the circus once he became an adult, considering their conversation after Clint was offered the chance to join to the "business".

(I KNOW that this comic was made before All-New Hawkeye and that’s why Barney reacted this way. BUT I’ll interpret it however I want, and there's nothing you can do about it.)

I don’t know why Barney stopped, but perhaps when he became an adult, he was able to take on more demanding jobs in the circus and no longer had to steal to pay for their upkeep (plus, Clint started performing and earning money). And as we can see, Barney doesn’t want Clint to steal. Even though Barney had do the same thing as a child to keep them in the circus, he didn't want Clint to fall into that same trap.

-A CARETAKER

FINALLY, I’d like to shift the focus to Barney’s role as a caretaker for his brother, particularly during their childhood, even before they ended up in the orphanage and Barney had to fully assume the role of guardian. Specifically, I want to delve into Barney’s responsibilities a caretaker when Clint lost his hearing.

I don’t have comic panels to back up my words because the comics don’t delve deeply into Clint’s past as a deaf child. However, I’ll draw on real-life knowledge to support my points. Although I’m not a sibling of a deaf person, but I have deaf friends and have read a lot of psychological studies to better write the dynamics of Clint in his family lol.

Sometimes a hearing sibling, often under parental influence, takes on the roles of caregiver, rehabilitator, or translator for their deaf sibling. They're often actively involved in therapeutic processes, taking on numerous responsibilities related to helping their deaf sibling in their everyday life.

Why do I believe Barney had such a role? The answer is simple: Barney knows ASL since he was a child.

I know it doesn't immediately meant that he had this kind of resposibility. But hear me out. We don’t know if their parents learned ASL and how Clint learned it, but one thing is certain: Barney learned it with him. Depending on how we imagine the situation, Barney could have acted as a communicator between Clint and their parents, as well as with the outside world. I've read about cases where deaf kids learn sign language, and hearing siblings often pick up the language better than their parents. This often leads to the siblings acting as translators between parents and deaf child.

Another evidence is that he was also present during Clint's visit to the doctor.

Barney probably really wanted to be present during this, but why did his parents let him? I find this strange. Maybe they just expected Barney to help take care of his brother?

This certainly made Clint more dependent on his brother.

Clint clearly was dependent on him, since he always consistently influenced Clint's life decisions. Why did Clint run away from the orphanage? Because it was Barney's idea. Why did Clint join the circus? Because it was Barney's idea. Why didn't Clint leave the circus when he discovered its true nature? Because Barney said it was the only way they would survive.

Why did Clint later want to leave the circus despite his reluctance? Because Barney wanted to leave.

As Barney put it in All-New Hawkeye, "Where I go, Clint goes." Clint's life revolved around his older brother for many years. Mainly because after their parents' death, he only had Barney. But even before that, we can feel that Barney had a significant role in his life.

For instance, we see this during the moment they received the news of their parents' passing.

Barney only needed a few seconds to comprehend what happened before he immediately focused his attention on Clint, ignoring his own feelings at the moment. Maybe he wasn't fully aware at the time, but he felt from that moment on he would have to take care of Clint completely.

We need to be aware that Barney wasn't an ideal brother for such a role. He was full of anger, bitterness and of his own problems that he couldn't fully address due to their situation. He was just a kid himself. Barney was thrust into the role of a parent and teacher when he himself needed a parent and teacher. His attempt at "raising" Clint was a series of trial and error because he had no idea what he was doing.

But despite being a troubled child, Barney did a good job taking care of Clint, at least considering what Clint says about him in Blindspot.

I know many fans are angry at Barney for leaving Clint, but I see it as a moment when he finally did something for himself. He accepted that Clint was mature enough to decide for himself. Besides, him leaving Clint's life was good for Clint because if he had stayed, his brother probably would have never left Carson (or he would have joined the military with him) and never found himself. Clint relied on his brother for so long and he needed to be on his own for a while to find his place in the world.

3. The summary

Barney was hot-headed, extremely bitter, and was the most angry kid ever. But he also adapted well to the situation imposed on him and tried to help Clint adapt as well. We know anger often stems from fear, and to me, Barney is a scared child who doesn't know what to do but still wanted to do something.

And that's all I wanted to write about his childhood. Was Barney an angel? No. Was he the worst brother in the world? Also no. Does he need therapy? Absolutely.

[empressgeekt]

Trolls - Accidental Crystal Knight (FoF au au)

So, I was looking over the different aus that have made an appearance on Ao3, and The Crystal Branch was one of them. So here's my attempt at combining it with the FoF au (don't worry I haven't forgotten about the end of the world au for FoF).

We start on a less then routine patrol for the Forest Guard. It's dark a storm is beginning to come in. Branch stayed out along with Tresillo, since the troop they left with were investigating giant footprints in the south part of the forest. If their dealing with Giant issues Branch wants to be on top of it, even if it's just a Bergen that wandered into their territory. Despite the brewing weather, the two are having a very casual conversation about the guard uniform, because Tresillo is on the fence of whether or not to wear the armor since most of his moves are dance based. It's when the rain starts that things go south. Branch sees the hand reaching out for Tresillo before the former bounty hunter does (Pop trolls kind of have a sixth sense for giant hands at this point, Branch especially), and throws Tresillo out of the way. The reggaeton troll falls through the Brambles of the forest's low brush, getting cut up and hitting his head, but hidden. And Branch is taken away.

Keith immediately knows something is wrong when Branch doesn't come home that night. Poppy knows it too, sure she knows that he's takes possible giant threats seriously, but he knows to get back to the bunker before really bad weather sets in. By morning, and after a meeting with the troop that left earlier, a full blown search party is deployed. They find Tresillo, knocked out but Blood clotting saved his life. Still no sign of Branch. They keep searching the forest, but after three days they get the full story from Tresillo who finally woke up. Poppy is horrified that something might have taken Branch, under her orders and the rest of the Guard's lieutenants suggestion, she beefs up security around Trollstopia and on the trading networks between the Kingdoms just in case. All while still looking for Branch.

Meanwhile, Branch was currently being transported to who knows where in the troll world's equivalent to a cat carrier, and he is not happy about it. He doesn't recognize they type of giants that caught him, but he's narrowing down their weak points. No visible joints, probably exoskeletal shells, but there eyes are large and probably sensitive, considering that their practically nocturnal. Branch does not let them think he's and easy catch, he keeps escaping the cat carrier, and attacking them. The female slams him usually to disorent him and shove him back, and try to proorly re-enforce the carrier. Seriously, He has a sword he will cut thought duck tape no matter how much you use. At some point they make it to mount Rageous, Branch tries to escape one last time there, because he hears the twins yelling at someone about how a "better cage" wasn't complete. Needless to say Branch is not sticking around for that. He's about to get into the vent when he pauses at the sight of a troll trapped in a bottle. A hand grabs him and squeezes his breath out of his lungs, next thing he knows he shoved into the bottle with the other troll.

Floyd had been trapped in the bottle for who knows how long, disassociating has become his new hobby, Crimp sneaks him food and water, and the only thing he wants to do is take a shower and sleep in a bed. He barely reacts to when the Twins come back from their little trip, he's horrified another troll was captured, but he doesn't react. He doesn't have the energy. Until the second troll was shoved into the bottle with him. At first he's startled, but he quickly turns his attention to helping the Troll catch their breath. Floyd doesn't recognize the odd armor their wearing or the weapons they had.

"You're going to be okay, just breathe. Everything's fine."

"*huffs* Fine? I've been kidnapped and carted half way across the continent! It's not fine!"

"Doesn't mean getting upset will help. Believe me pissing off Velvet makes it worse."

"Yeah I'll be the judge of that. Those noodle limb idiots aren't the first Giants I've had to fight off, next time that lit opens I'm taking out both of their eyes."

"*mildly concerned* Uhm, My name's Floyd..."

A masked face just turns to the red-headed troll and, "Fuck my life."

Branch does not want to talk with his long lost brother. Floyd was a liar who abandoned him, that's all Branch needed to know. However, Floyd is making the not talking thing very difficult. Every other word out of his elder brother's mouth is either an attempt to make up or utter words of comfort that Branch doesn't need he's a grown troll who licks his own wounds thank you very much. At one point he thinks Floyd's worse then the fucking Spritz. Honestly he's this close to punching out the smaller troll's teeth. It's when John Dory shows up that Branch thankfully gets to load off some steam.

When JD got the letter about both his baby brothers in danger, of course he set off for mount rageous. He finds them in a diamond bottle, Floyd seems happy to see him, Branch however remains on the floor of the bottle silently watching. John isn't even sure it was Branch because of the mask, but Floyd confirms it. It isn't until Floyd starts to talk about the harmony that John hears branch speak, and it wasn't like the sweet little bitty B he remembered.

B: oh for madonna's sake will you both shut up! We all know that the fucking harmony won't work.

F: Branch it will work, don't worry.

J: Yeah bitty don't worry we got this

B: *rolls eyes and stands up* First, don't call me bitty, second we couldn't even pull that myth off when we were still a family, what makes you think we can do it now?

F: Branch, we're still family, we can do it.

B: Please Floyd, we haven't talked to each other in 20 years, I know my neighbors better then you, and i live in the middle of the woods. John, You need to go north of bergentown, there you'll find Pop village, it's hidden deep in the forest but it's there. Get in contact with Queen Poppy, if you tell them I sent you they'll listen to you. She has contact with the Funk tribe they can make an alternative that can save us if they don't have one already.

J: Bits don't worry we got this!

B: John! For once in your miserable life just listen! If your so instant on the damn harmony then do it, but get in contact with Queen Poppy first! If you ever gave a single crap about me, then do this...please.

J: *taken aback and sharing a glance with an equally shocked floyd* Okay, B. I will.

Back in Pop Village, Poppy is besides herself. She had reached out to the other tribes asking if they had any kind of kidnapping (they hadn't, but their on high alert), and asked Gristle to look into forgein connections asking if any sort of giant nation is buying/selling trolls. She's keeping herself together best she can, especially since she's now Keith's primary caregiver, with Branch missing. Speaking of the trolling, things haven't been good. It's the middle of summer so the trolling was on a break from school, however instead of spending time with his friends or working on his book, Keith was spending his days searching the forest. Looking everywhere for his brother, all while wearing Branch's lest vest (he doesn't usually wear it underneath the uniform). Tresillo has been a godsend in this time. EVen if he's out of the hospital he's still not on active duty yet, so to keep busy he's been going with Keith to make sure the trolling's safe, when Poppy can't. The reggaetón troll kind of feels guilty about what happened, even if he wasn't sure what was attacking them. So he's taken to protecting what Branch cared for most, his woman and child. It's on one of these excursions when All three of them come across a Troll and his armadillo bus.

John Dory did decide to check out the forest that Branch asked him too, with how desperate his baby brother sounded how could he not. He ends up stumbling upon a small group of trolls, two adults and a child. He introduces himself, but quickly get side tracked at the sight of the Kid's vest. He knows that Vest. His dad wore that vest, and then he wore it as did everyone in his family, Floyd being the last one he remembers having it, as Branch was too small. Floyd didn't have the vest at Mount Ragous, neither did Branch. The kids eyes were blue, and so was his hair....Holy crap no wonder Branch was so insistent that John come here, he had a family. With how clingy and nervous the pink troll was with the kid no doubt who was the mom, or just Branch's partner and the kid was a case of an ace egg. Either way, bitty had a family that he was worried about. (also how old was branch we he got a kid? This little guy was at least 8 and Branch was what? late teens? early twenties?)

Poppy is a little suspicious of the John Dory at first, after all he's looking at her little Keith in an odd way, but then he mentions Branch and she's all ears. To her horror he tells her, that her Branchifer was currently being held captive. To her surprise he tells her that he's Branch's brother (and that he's brozone, she'd fangirl if she didn't have a scared trolling in her arms). Thankfully John Dory also offers her a plan to rescue Branch. She's about to say yes, when Tresillo pulls her aside and makes cautions her. Go with him is she has too, but Tresillo urges her to contact the other tribe leaders about this matter since this is technically a war crime since Branch is on the council as head of security, not to mention that with his experience in musical combat he knows that the PFH is something that's nearly impossible to pull off, it might even just be a myth so they need a back up plan. Poppy has John Dory drive them back the to the village, before heading out. She gets the other royals involved and asks for their help. Funk is already working on a way to break diamonds before the day ends and the other's (along with the Bergen kingdom) are trying to get in contact with Mount Ragous officals to get them to do something.

John Dory is not happy about waiting for Queen Poppy (His baby bro scored a queen, great job Branch! Also this adds to further theory that the kid isn't actually hers but she and Branch got together after the kid was born...and did that mean his baby brother had to deal with a pregnancy and newborn on his own?) to finish with...what ever she was doing. All he knew was that it was taking time (barely a few hours), and he needed to get this show on the road. Apparently she wanted a back up plan, and he couldn't understand why, the PFH was a perfect plan. Eventually, she's ready to go, though John is worried about the guard who insisted on accompanying her. That is until Tresillo says, "She is a queen who is going into a territory who's people have proven dangerous to trolls, You think we're going to let her go with out protection?" John relents at this, perfectly fine with a third member of this rescue team, at least until Rhonda hits bump and a tiny green trolling falls out of one of the kitchen cabinets.

Keith felt bad about sneaking on to the transport critter, when Poppy asked him to stay with her dad, but the trolling wasn't going to let them rescue Branch without him. Especially, since all of branch's bio brothers would be involved, no way was Keith going to let them hurt Branch again. Poppy can't send him back at this point, and then JOhn Dory drives them off a cliff....yeah Keith was coming along.

Meanwhile in the Diamond prison Branch was beginning to feel the effects of imprisonment. He's started having nightmares of Poppy and Keith trapped in a bottle in Velvet's clutches, and they're impossible to hide from Floyd, because even if Branch tiled the Bottle onto its side they're still practically sleeping on top of each other. Floyd keeps trying to get Branch to talk about it, but all he gives his red-headed brother was that "Just dreams about horrible things happening to people I actually care about." It isn't until a dress rehearsal that Branch finally cut's Floyd some slack. The spritz hurts but the knight manages to recover quickly. Floyd not so much. Branch isn't sure if it's due to Floyd's longer imprisonment, the fact that he's trying to push the little food and water that Crimp and Veneer are sneaking them on to Branch, or the lack of sleep. Still once he watch's Floyd's feet crystalize do major alarm bells start ringing in his head. Though, he waits until Crimp and the twins were gone until doing anything.

B: Sit down.

F: What?

B: Sit down I'm checking you out.

F: Branch don't worry I'm fine.

B: Don't give me that crap. You and I both know you're feet turning into rocks is not normal. Sit down I'm checking you out.

F: *sigh* fine

B: Do they hurt?

F: no, they just feel cold.

B: *mumbling* could be messing with blood circulation...

F: Did you become a doctor?

B: What?

F: did you become a doctor? You seem to know what your doing.

B: No, just field medicine, first aid that kind of thing.

F: so first responder?

B: No.

F: then why....

B: *rolling his eyes* if you must know it's an occupational requirement. And no I'm not telling you why for what my job is. Can you feel this?

F: Feel what?

B: I'm pressing the sharp end of my gauntlet tip into the ball of your foot. You can't feel it?

F: N-no...what does that mean?

B: Well either, you're foot is dying or what ever this is is damaging you're nerves.

Back with the rescue Squad, John Dory's post card is not well received, but Tresillo actually recognized the island so they're not shooting completely blind. Still that didn't mean he agreed with getting them nearly drowned. Though, he and Keith do like John's machette. Keith asks if Tresillo had ever been to the island, nad sadly the reggaeton troll hasn't, his squad's hunts mostly stuck inland.

Bruce is surprised to see John Dory, but it happy to see his brother, even if they parted on bad terms. He also recognizes the vest, and takes notice of Keith's hair color, drawing the same false conclusion. When Poppy introduces her self as Branch's Girlfriend, all he wants to do is congratulate his baby brother on such a beautiful family. All he feels is horror when he learns about Branch and Floyd being kidnapped. Once given the okay from Brandy, they leave to look for Clay.

Finding the middle brother is harder then they thought, it's a good hour or two, of Keith making a clue board, calling Tresillo's old informants, Bruce driving since he doesn't know the first thing about tracking, until Keith remembers how wolves track and finds the funderdrawers. Yeah everyone is grateful to john for keeping them, but are incredibly grossed out. The only shared thought between the whole group when they enter the golf course is "Someone was murdered here"

Meeting Viva and Clay is a little different in canon. Poppy is already stressed out by her boyfriend being in danger, so she doesn't react all that well when viva is revealed to be her sister, and kind of has a little break down with Keith in her arms. This leads to Bruce and John explaining the situation to Clay and viva, still under the impression that Keith is Branch's kid and Poppy is practically the kids mom, and how the two youngest are in danger. Tresillo isn't apart of this convo to correct them, becasue the putt putts are giving him bad vibes and he's not going to slack on his protection detail here. Viva wants to convince Poppy and Keith to stay in the golf course, safe, and spends the next hour trying to convince her to stay. After all, while she feels bad for Branch, Giants got him, in viva's mind he's as good as dead. Clay starts working on their escape, planning on using Poppy and keith as a distraction while they run out to get Branch and Floyd. Tresillo objects to this, after all did they even think that Poppy and Keith would be okay with such a plan. Clay asks why would that matter they would all be coming back here. This sparks a conversation about how Poppy, Keith, Tresillo and Branch had lives outside of the golf course and they couldn't stay. Bruce has to agree with the reggaton troll much to Clay's disappointment. Viva tries to tap them, but this only makes Poppy more upset, Keith unlocks the gate and they get out of there. Poppy's hurt that she and viva didn't get along, but she has to think about more then just herself, she has to worry about Keith, her kingdom and of course Branch. She can't loose her Branchifer.

Back in the bottle, Branch is getting more desperate. Whatever those shoulder pads did was 10x worse then the bottle, and while Branch hasn't had anymore symptoms other then exhaustion and some bruising from the rough handling, the same couldn't be said for Floyd. The crystalization had spread to his hands, legs and even hair. The elder brother is half asleep most of the time and constantly freezing. The shivering gets to the point where Branch feels bad enough to take off his armor, shirt helmet and gloves to try and keep Floyd warm by giving it to him, also to protect Floyd from hurting himself since he can't feel much of his body anymore. This reveals the scar the chef gave him and Floyd is horrified Branch still refuses to tell him what happened but that is enough to know it's bad. They try to escape with Floyd playing dead and Branch calling out for help. The moment the bottle opens Branch jumps out and attacks Velvet with his sword, cutting up her face and using his hair to choke her while telling Floyd to run for it. Floyd doesn't get far, as he turns back just in time to see Velvet Rip Branch off her and throw him to the floor before kicking him into the wall. In the end the attempt fails, and without his armor to protect him Branch suffers severe injuries.

Inside of Rhonda practice is happening (Tresillo's driving since he doesn't want to be involved). From the start it's a disaster. Poppy is pulled in as a practice substitute for Floyd and John tries to get Keith to play Branch's role, but Keith doesn't like to sing. Poppy steps in and tells John to back off when he pushes. Very quickly everyone looses track of why they're doing this by picking at each other's old wounds. The rising tension and shouting, finally pushes Keith over the edge. The trolling starts sobbing about how Branch is going to die and none of them care. Poppy rips off the puffy vest and runs to the trolling's comfort. They all make half hearted apologies but then "Mission the mission, after this we go our seperate ways". Poppy has some chose words for them.

Poppy: I don't know what happened back then. But what happened after? You're all at fault. I used to think could caring Branch was towards everyone, wanting everyone safe, was just him having a good heart. But no, its because no one did that for him, and the one person that did...may Madonna bless your Grandmother soul because she must be turning in her grave if she knows what's happening right now. No wonder Branch never told anyone about you.

Tresillo pulls over and they (Poppy, tresillo and Keith) leave. they meet up with Marimba and Tambora with the plan to get Branch and floyd out of there, before bringing them to the Funk trolls to get them free. Infiltration is easy for three former bounty hunters and Poppy and Keith are fast learners. they find Branch and Floyd easy enough. Poppy and Branch reunite with hapy tears and Keith and Branch hug through the bottle, while the reggaton trolls try to find a weak spot in the bottle. They don't find one and their too small to get the lid off. they have to retreat back into the vents, just as the twins come back.

The car chase is utter hell for Branch. He's fairly certain he has several broken ribs and a concussion, every jump and jostle is a whirlwind of Pain. Even worse Floyd is barely conscious at this point, and to keep him aware Branch is answering any mumbled question his elder brother asks. Mostly Floyd wants to know who the Pink troll and green trolling were. Branch answers but still keeps certain things private, it's only when Floyd starts talking like he's on his death bed does Branch get really concerned. He might not be on best of terms with Floyd but he doesn't want him to die.

It isn't the harmony that frees them, instead it's the proper authorities stopping the boat and arresting the twins at the end of the ride. Poppy Breathes a sigh of relief knowing that Essence and Quincy were successful in getting the mount rageous leaders to help and make a device that could undo the lids of the bottles. Cooper arrives in a smaller shuttle to take them to the hospital in Vibe city, and with Floyd still half out of it with crystalized limbs and Branch developing a collapsed lung, they don't object. (they take Rhonda with them in a separate shuttle).

Branch is taken to get scanned and eventually the surgery table to fix internal bleeding, but over all his prognosis is good. Poppy and Keith wait at his bedside almost never leaving. Tresillo pop in and out, but he's there when Branch wakes up. "You came for me?" "C'mon hermano, I couldn't let you hold saving my life over me for too long."

It's Floyd everyone is worried about. During the transit he lost consciousness and eventually slipped into a comatose state. the doctor's set his fractures and put him on supportive measures, a feeding tube, IV, and breathing tube, but there's little they can do for the crystallization at the moment. He spends three days in the ICU before the doctor's notice a small improvement with the crystal creeping back.

With Floyd not being allow visitors until he's more stable, three panicking older brothers turn their mother-hening towards Branch. The Knight is not happy about it. Poppy was sadly pulled away since she needed to help with all the legal matters of the scandal, being Pop queen it was her tribe was directly threatened and she needs to be present in the meetings with the Mount Rageous leaders. Branch also makes Keith go hang out with cooper for a few hours a day so the kid isn't just sitting in a hospital room. He can't really move due to the chest tube, but he is very tempted to leap out of bed and smack his bio-family up the head, when they act like they know what's best for him. Needless to say they are force to air the dirty laundry and Branch lets them have it. The brothers know they have a lot to make up for and they are willing to make it work. Branch with some prodding from Keith allows them a chance, but he calls the shots. He also sets them straight regarding his relationship with Keith (they are all a little embarrassed by that misunderstanding). Eventually Branch is let off th chest tube and allowed to go home with strict orders to rest and go to a hospital the moment anything felt off.

Life goes on another two months, Bruce left and came back, Clay helped convince some of the putt putts to move to Pop village, Poppy and Viva reconcile, the twins are given a life sentence and use of trolls for talent enhancement is outlawed, John Dory sticks around the village to make sure his brothers are safe, Keith is getting used to have more then one Brother. Eveything seems to be getting better...except for Floyd.

Three months pass, Floyd still hasn't woken up. The crystal is gone, but his limbs remain thin and pale, and the roots of his hair remain stark white. He was moved to the hospital in Trollstopia for long term care. The doctor's aren't hopeful. One day Branch is visiting, his brother's hand cold in his, "If you don't wake up, and make all our hard work to save you worth nothing, then I'll never forgive you."

Floyd's hazy eyes open...

----

Well here's this idea. I think this was a great idea to celebrate the end of the summer semester. Once more ask all the questions you want. I really need to go to bed.

[mokaisathome]

A mafia boss and his pet dog

[The mafia theming is totally absent actually but the spirit is there... Probably]

Now on AO3 too!

Rumors aren't anything new to Jamil. They spread around him constantly, shifting, changing, losing details, or adding ones depending on how far they go. It's just how it is when you're in a position as prized as his – people will talk, caring very little for how it'll affect you. He still pays attention to them despite how mundane or ridiculous most of them are because letting tattletales go unchecked is a pain he'd rather go without.

   The current rumors only bring him a headache though. One of his subordinates goes through them with a barely concealed smile, sometimes giving his opinion (“Wow, that's pretty elaborate” or “This is a bit too much even for them…”) despite Jamil only asking for a brief rundown. As he walks down the main hallway of his mansion while listening to his subordinate, he rubs his temples with a sigh.

   Did he find a beastman and bring him home a few weeks ago? Yes. Is it a wolf? Also yes. Is it so ferocious it attacks everyone even the people Jamil asked to take care of him? Definitely not. The rumor mill is broken. To put it simply, he could have picked up a puppy from the street, and it'd have gone the same… Except without talking. It'd have been much better actually.

   The two men guarding the room he stops in front of salute him solemnly before pushing the heavy wooden door, and he instantly braces himself when something leaps at him.

“Jamil!”

   Yes, that rumored fearful wolf, ready to sink his teeth in anyone who approaches him is in reality an overexcited teenager who's more interested in eating as many sweets as he can than intimidate people. In Jamil's line of work, the latter would have been useful. The former is undoubtedly not. The muffled mockeries of his subordinates reach his ears, and he dismisses them with a wave of the hand, letting them close the door behind him. Among his people, his reputation has taken a hit so perhaps having the normal population fear him through lies is better.

“Did you bring me something today?”

   Wordlessly, Jamil takes a piece of candy out of his pocket and the werewolf jumps off him, eager to receive his reward for… For nothing. He's been living here doing absolutely nothing. A total waste of resources. If at least he could be trained to act as a guard dog–

   His train of thought stops. That's not a bad idea. Jamil has never taken care of a dog but all they need is some training and rewards, don't they?

“Kalim,” he calls out, watching with a certain amusement as the beastman's ears perk up. “Give me your hand.”

   Kalim doesn't even question anything and places his clawed hand in Jamil's gloved one. Him being an idiot who listens to any order is nothing new – Jamil just has to model him to fit his new role.

“Show me your teeth.”

“'ike tha'?”

“Perfect.”

   A waste of some amazingly sharp fangs when all he does is eat candies, Jamil thinks as he passes his thumb over Kalim's teeth. From the corner of his eye, he catches his tail wagging back and forth. As he orders Kalim to do other things (“sit,” and “roll”, or “jump”), Jamil finds himself satisfied with his dog's performance. Perhaps there is still hope.

“Howl now.”

“Gaoooo!”

   No, that was a mistake. There's no hope to make anything out of him. The only people he could scare would be… Babies maybe. Jamil isn't even sure of that. With a sigh, he tosses the candy to Kalim who catches it midair and immediately starts fighting with the candy wrapper.

   These rumors should be fawned for as long as they can because the reality is much, much, much worse (for Jamil).

[yuseirra]

ONK CH 158 review and Character Analysis: the parallels of the protagonists with their parents + more

Starting off! I think this development might actually be okay, depending on what happens later.

It’s too early to judge whether the development is good or bad! I was really surprised... but after dissecting it, it's not as bad as I initially thought. I actually think it works and I like things about it. I've been analyzing very thoroughly lately, and I think it might be fine to wait out a bit more and see how things go.

This manga is excellent at character creation and relationship building, and this seems like a good time to explore the parallels they have with one another because it is THIS chapter that shows it very well. I thought I’d summarize my thoughts on that.

This analysis is probably the longest I've ever written, I had a lot of fun writing it too~

This was originally written in another language and I couldn't dare to rewrite the whole thing so I used my trusted partner, chatgpt 4.0.. If there's something off, it's probably that it didn't get the context. I'm going to skim over this, but writing a disclaimer just in case!

I feel like the character portrayal and relationship building in this manga are really well done, so I’ll try to summarize my thoughts on that.

(Unrelated, but "Don't"(from P3R) is really good; give it a listen!)

The lyrics of this song subtly resemble "Fatal" in tone. I've been listening to the instrumentals for it as I've been typing this out.

After reading Chapter 158, what surprised me is that despite the rushed and somewhat sparse development, I have a positive reaction to it. It’s not bad, and I’m being serious.

Though this is supposed to be the final arc, rather than tying up loose ends, each chapter still throws something new at us, and nothing has been resolved yet. Ruby tries to say something, but it immediately cuts away, and then Nino suddenly appears...

The real question is how they’re going to wrap this all up, and we can’t judge it just yet.

I didn’t predict the exact timing of the characters’ actions, but when I thought it over calmly, I realized I was pretty accurate in sense in guessing what the characters would do.

I predicted that Kamiki would turn himself in (lol), that Nino would attack Ruby, that Kamiki would see the video Ai left and change his mind at the last minute, leading to Nino’s confusion, and that Ryosuke and Nino would have some sort of relationship (it really seems like Ryosuke was acting under Nino’s orders). I really got all of that right!!

I also predicted that Ruby would surpass Ai. (There was foreshadowing, and unlike Ai, who started as an idol as a means to give love rather than as her life’s purpose, Ruby’s goal is to become an outstanding idol. Since Ruby is also Amaterasu, one of the most powerful deities in Japanese mythology, it makes sense that Ruby would surpass Ai. Ai might be related to Ame-no-Uzume or Benzaiten—Benzaiten is a goddess of the arts but also has a connection to love. These goddesses are of a lower rank compared to Amaterasu. Ame-no-Uzume’s role of bringing out a shining deity from a cave parallels Ai and Ruby’s relationship. Ruby wanted to become an idol after seeing Ai, who in this manga is concluded to be akin to a god (star).)

I’m bringing up part of my previous analysis of Ai: Ai’s efforts were partly for herself, but she also worked hard because she’s rather down-to-earth, and her motivation seemed to be making those around her happy. For instance, her reaction towards about having the dome concert was, “Is the dome that great? If it's everyone's dream, I guess it’s good,” and she tried to smile along. What’s important to this character is satisfying her curiosity about her inner void, while her achievements as an idol seemed secondary. That’s why the line about wanting to raise her children with Kamiki really hit me, because Ai’s idol work seemed to function more as a means rather than an end goal like it is for Ruby. But that doesn’t mean Ai didn’t work hard; she had a strong sense of responsibility and tried her best in everything she was given.

And seeing the mention of stars from Ruby... Yes! Stars are really important in this story, aren’t they? I've been stressing about it a whole lot lately, and I believe this is the right time to address that.

Upon close examination, the characters’ actions in this development largely align with their personalities and established traits. The confusing part is that so much hasn’t been revealed yet. What are the other characters doing? What exactly happened between these events?

It’s hard to grasp the characters' intentions because the story is progressing with so many things left hidden, creating confusion. But I think they’ll unravel these things later, so it might be best to wait.

I can’t imagine Aqua and Ruby didn’t prepare for this situation at all; if it turns out that they were caught off guard, it would be a really stupid development. However, doesn’t the last page seem oddly blurry? Why is the saturation so low on just that page? It might not be something that actually happened, just a “what if” scenario.

And even if Ruby being stabbed and in a life-threatening situation is real, there are still some possibilities for how the story could unfold (I wrote about this in this post), I don't think the chances of it happening are so high, though (but god..I want Kamiki to do something for once)

LOL, this author has a knack for condensing developments and aligning them with previous content in a way that seems chaotic to the reader... but there’s a bigger picture here. This manga is something you need to binge-read as a whole.

Looking at it from the perspective of character traits and what these characters would do, the consistency has been solid throughout. The characters’ actions make sense. If there’s something odd in this development, it’s the omitted characters. What did Aqua and Akane do? But since they haven’t appeared, there’s no way to judge.

As for Kamiki... I’ve been analyzing this character a lot lately. There isn’t much to piece together with Nino, so I had to predict with minimal information (and the actions she took were within that scope), but Kamiki... there hasn’t been much shown about what he’s been up to either (though I have a hunch... I think his songs indirectly reveal what he’s been doing all this time. So I dove in when I finally started to get it).

There’s consistency in how this character interacts with others and the actions he takes. He has a weak heart. And that perfectly aligns with why Ai was so worried and cared so much about him. It all fits. I was so anxious while analyzing him,...I can't stand the idea that Ai would see this guy, who sent another man to attack his ex-girlfriend who was raising his kids just because he was sad, in a sympathetic light. I felt that wouldn't be it from the way he spoke about her and that's why I could be very passionate about the ship (And is would that really a good story if it is?? That Ai genuinely loved such a man?;; Itd mean she chose the wrong person to love.) So, I was worried while analyzing, but no. This character is not that kind of person, and I’m about 90% sure of that after this chapter’s development. He’s just someone with terrible luck. He’s been cursed or something. This is the third time something like this has happened, for crying out loud!! I bet he was heartbroken and couldn’t attend the dome concert himself, so, he probably trusted Ryosuke who was said to be aquainted with Nino(since Ai seemed to want to be friends with Nino again, Kamiki probably knew this and trusted Nino, and him who she knows) to send a bouquet, and then disaster struck, and he fell into despair.

Now, I’ll start talking about the character design because the character portrayal in this manga is just amazing.

Kamiki... in terms of his motives for his actions, he’s a lot like Aqua. (They look similar, too, but the more I think about it, I feel like Kamiki’s natural personality and appearance are more like Ruby’s, the other twin. Their facial expressions and impressions are similar... Ruby may look just like Ai, but her physique, is similar to her father’s. She’s taller and has a broader figure than her mother. You could say the son takes after the father, and the daughter takes after the mother at first glance, but the more I see, the more it feels like Aqua takes after his mother and Ruby takes after her father.)

The twins really seem like they inherited traits from both parents. The more I see, the more fascinating it becomes... It’s like, if you were to create children for your characters, this is exactly how it should be done. They’ve done a great job designing them, and since I want to create my own story, if there’s anything I want to learn from this manga, it’s definitely this. It’s really impressive in that regard.

Back to motivation:

Kamiki (as I currently speculate) ended up taking extreme and desperate actions completely contrary to his nature after losing the person he loved (Ai) due to something he didn’t intend or wasn’t significantly responsible for (I really believe this character just tried to send flowers and it all went wrong, I'm convinced after reading Chapter 158;;).

This perfectly overlaps with Aqua’s motivation and the way he operates in the story. After losing Ai before his eyes, Aqua’s personality darkened, and he began doing things he wouldn’t normally do (using others, becoming colder, and having a twisted personality) to pursue “revenge for Ai.”

Their emotions are also similar. Aqua is severely self-critical, very depressed, and after losing Ai, he even considered just ending his life. But then he found a reason to live (revenge) and clung to it, thinking, “I can’t die yet.”

Aqua doesn’t self-deprecate in every line, but Kamiki does it once or twice every time he appears. I think his mental state is even worse than Aqua’s, and that’s because Ai was the only person in the world he could love... I’ve analyzed this before, right? For Kamiki, Ai was a combination of the positive influences that Akane and Kana had on Aqua, and moreover, Ai was his lover and the mother of his children, making her an extraordinarily special person to him. If he lost her in such a meaningless way (he probably didn’t expect Ai to die at all), given his inherently delicate nature and overwhelming guilt, he would be mentally shattered. For this reason, if this character acted after Ai’s death, it is highly likely that he would have acted even more extremely than Aqua.

The problem is, this character’s fundamental nature is much softer compared to Aqua and Ai. Aqua, despite suffering greatly while pursuing a revenge that didn’t align with his nature, was at least driven by a sense of duty and resolve. Kamiki’s situation is an escalation of this intensity, yet he cannot stop. There is no one currently to worry about him (like Akane did) or to bring him back to his original self (like Kana would). Such a person is dead and he wanted to see them again! He thinks it’s his fault they died!

Even though Aqua blames himself for it, Assuming Ai died because of Aqua is absurd; Aqua is in no way responsible for Ai’s death. However, it must be true that Kamiki provided the address (although, based on my reading up to Chapter 158, I’m convinced he only intended to send flowers). Therefore, Kamiki believes Ai died because of him. The level of guilt is different. He must have thought that something must be done to reverse this situation. He really wouldn't mind throwing himself away for his purpose.

Kamiki’s guilt is more profound, he was deeply influenced by Ai in his life, and his nature is inherently gentle and timid. And he's probably gone through actions that were twisted even more severely than Aqua’s. He's a genius actor. He acts well, but he's endured immense suffering. If you look closely at his smiling face, it’s almost as if his soul is dying. He smiles, but it’s similar to how Aqua might laugh maniacally after having decided to use Kana. Kamiki’s basic nature is softer, so instead of laughing maniacally, his smile is more subdued. It seems that he did contribute to the death of Yura. In the latest episode, there’s talk of being able to take a life for love. To revive Ai, there might be a cost to pay. Songs suggest that something like this might be the case. He might need to gather light and, feeling self-reproach, says in Mephisto’s final lyrics to his children, “Come and kill me.”

Observing Kamiki’s reactions and actions, he shows no particular signs of aggression in normal situations. If a person with this kind of nature had been involved in killing others or committing severe twisted acts, it would be actions completely against their inherent character. It would be extremely painful and unbearable. I’ve analyzed Aqua’s personality before: here's what I wrote there: noting that someone who inherently dislikes revenge and has a decent core personality would struggle with revenge (this connects to Aqua’s inherent tendency to help others, as he believes that fulfilling revenge for Ai is the same as doing something for Ai). This is why Aqua is constantly conflicted and, despite appearing rational, is hesitant and twisted. This also results in causing pain to those around him, leading to self-reproach and self-loathing, and he feels he shouldn’t be happy. Kamiki is likely experiencing this same feelings right now.

And it was Ai who brought about change in Kamiki’s heart. The only person capable of having such an impact on him was Ai, and she managed to achieve it even after death..

I have analyzed the relationship between Aqua and Kana and Akane, and compared it to the mutual relationship Kamiki had with Ai.

It's the same post I linked above, but let me do it again:

Here's how I analyzed there:

If Akane was the supportive one, then Kana was more about pulling Aqua towards her side. Drawing him towards the light, I think this aligns with Kana’s role in the story. When Aqua meets Kana, he gets revitalized (just this alone makes me think that Aqua must be truly happy with Kana).

I believe that what Ai wanted to give Hikaru ultimately was this: to support him, to share the burden with him, and then to live the future together. She wanted to share her future with him.

(...)

Both Aqua and Kana/Ai-Kamiki clearly had a similar heart- fluttering type of love for each other.

And the emotional thread between Aqua and Kana is definitely moving in a brighter direction together.

Ai wanted to give Hikaru that: to lead him from the dark place he was wandering in to the brighter side she was in.

Ai truly accomplished this. Even though she died a long time ago, she could achieve this with just a few words when it's came to him...

Kamiki probably intended to continue his path to find a way to either revive Ai or meet her in some way, and then he planned to die. Just like Aqua sometimes ominously says he has given up on becoming happy and that Ruby should be able to live even without him, it’s likely that if he continued on the path of the Black Star, he would've died.

Kana, who saw through Aqua’s feelings and told him not to even think about dying, was the one who prevented Aqua from choosing death. (Chapter 146). Kana, unknowingly, keeps pulling Aqua out of the darkness. It seems she really saved Aqua at that time. Along with Ruby’s forgiveness, Kana’s words might have been the catalyst for Aqua to correct his path of revenge, and hearing those words revitalized him.

I also think that at the very last moment, Ai managed to prevent the person she loved from dying because of her. It’s quite remarkable. Kana and Ai each turned Aqua and Kamiki away from their extreme paths to more moderate ones.

This episode revealed that a bit.

If Kamiki just turns himself in and does nothing more, I’d find it unsatisfactory, but, this parallel is what I found really clever.

Kana’s power over Aqua is surprisingly significant. Even small actions from her greatly affect Aqua. This aspect is very similar to the influence Ai had over Kamiki.

In every narrative aspect, Kamiki is a character who amplifies the emotions and motivations Aqua has. And Kamiki probably has a more delicate personality but has committed even more extreme actions. Kamiki represents the first "stage"(remember how Mephisto talks about "stages"? I think their stories could be a part of a big story, a "stage".), and Aqua represents the second stage. The second stage should use the first stage as a lesson to achieve better results.

Ruby and Ai are also the first and second stages. After reading Chapter 158, I felt it… Ah, it’s the reincarnation of Ai’s nightmare.

But is Ruby really going to be stabbed and die? Absolutely not. In fact, the way this situation suddenly emerged actually shows that such an outcome is definitely not going to happen.

Ruby will rise to a higher place than Ai. Ruby has set the goal of becoming a more brilliant idol than Ai, whereas Ai became an idol because she wanted to give love… In reality, Ai could have achieved that through her work with the children or Kamiki, and it was possible without necessarily being an idol, but Ruby’s story focuses on her career as an idol. The character’s motivation places a larger emphasis on the identity of being an "idol." Although Ai’s image as the "invincible idol" makes it hard to believe that Ruby can surpass her, (it would have been much more convincing if there had been more episodes showing Ruby’s growth in relation to this), there were indeed some foreshadowing and hints. Through the movie, Ruby came to understand Ai and thought, "I won’t end up like Mom," and that will really be the case. She won’t end up with the same fate as her mother.

Nino came dressed very similarly to Ryosuke and acted in a similar way, which means that the feelings these two characters have towards Ai are quite similar. When Nino appeared in the middle, her actions felt so, so it wasn’t surprising, and I had anticipated that this character would attack Ruby. For Nino, approaching an attacking Ruby when she's alone is more realistic and has a higher chance of success than disrupting a performance, so the occurrence of such an event with Nino appearing at this point seems to make sense. It was bound to happen at once point.

The problem with her attack actually succeeding would be that it'd make Kamiki and Aqua’s both appear extremely unaware and naïve (if Aqua can’t prevent this, it’s too sloppy considering he should have already identified Nino’s suspicious behavior, and well, Kamiki seems to be too innocent. I actually don't think it'd be out of character for HIM to be this way lol. This character truly… truly seems incapable of doubting others. He doesn’t understand human malice!!! He probably didn’t suspect Nino, Ryosuke at all. and there was no way he could know Uehara would go berserk, either. This became so apparent while reading this chapter that I couldn’t help but laugh. He’s over thirty. If Ruby is actually stabbed, Kamiki would freak out. How has he been living in the world until now with this, pure mindset? He seems so unchanged from how he was when he was young?). The page itself looks oddly blurred, making it seem like it might not actually have happened. The scene where "Nino tries to stab Ruby" is plausible. Anyhow, Given the direction in which this character has been shown, it’s a scene that could reasonably occur. The important thing is how it'd be handled and resolved later, but I believe the writers have a plan, they just drew things like this for shock value and to parallel what's happened in the earlier chapters.

And Kamiki has had at least three instances where things went bizarrely wrong, leading to people being on the verge of death or actually dying. Including Yura, that makes four times. What is this character? At this point in the story where nothing has been revealed, the characters who seem to hold the most surreal powers seem to be this character and Ruby, who seemed to be "receiving divine help" and thriving at one point. But since Kamiki’s situation appears to be completely uncontrollable, it seems like the god of absurdity and irrationality mentioned in Chapter 144 is targeting and tormenting him. It seems as though this entity is deliberately trying to drive him to despair and corruption. It’s unlikely that Kamiki himself is this god… the aftermath of these events has caused him so much suffering. At this point, he seems like a victim of a divine curse.

Examining the name of this character, it seems like his true identity might be Sarutahiko Okami, the god of light and the husband of the goddess Ame-no-Uzume. They are often depicted as a couple in subcultures, and in the Shin Megami Tensei series, they appear as summonable deities with a description of them being married. I drew a comic about this idea previously, you know? It's this comic right here:

Worried about his wife/lover hopping over to the human world, wanting to be human because she loved humans, Kamiki must have followed her, and they both lost their memories and are now wandering. Kamiki, when falling into a bad situation (which is why he had often been raising the black star since middle school), was brought happiness by Ai, who spent enjoyable times with him and led him to a better state. When he was just about to become truly happy, Ai made the decision to part ways for his sake, and Kamiki fell back into despair. It's truly unfair and absurd how his life keeps getting falling into this tormented state. I say this a lot, but he has a MISERABLE life, and I don't think that's just from pure luck. Something is cursing him from getting happy. Every time it seemed like he might finally be happy, something would erupt and prevent it from happening. I looked up at Sarutahiko, and he's a major deity and also a guardian of the land. He's related to purification rites, called "Misogi".

There was a description of the Sarutahiko Shrine, I found from a travel guide, it says, "Sarutahiko Okami is known to have appeared at the very beginning of all things to guide everything in the most benevolent direction." Kamiki has a hard time blaming others and is inherently kind. He still addresses the person who continuously tormented him, Airi, with honorifics, and even refers to Ryosuke as "Ryosuke-kun." He’s totally a pushover!!! People exploit him, and he thinks it’s all good as long as they are happy.. This psychology is quite plausible, and I pity him because of it, but It doesn’t seem to have changed much until now. His way of speaking and demeanor are still very gentle… When he appears in front of his children, his tone is very soft. By nature, he is extremely kind.

Is there a deity trying to corrupt him to increase their influence over the land?

However, it seems that Ai was able to protect him from crossing the final line.

I’ve written several things related to this, I'll just bring one example of what I've written once:

What kind of deity is the god of entertainment? If it’s the god of entertainment, it must be Ame-no-Uzume, right? It seems that the wishes made at the shrine have been fulfilled, albeit in some strange directions. Could this be Ai? Because in "Fatal", there's a lyric that goes: "selfish giant star ruined lives"… it seems to be connected with Ai, who is the incarnation of the brightest star. Her husband is a god of light, and the name connection with Hikaru is significant.

It also seems like Ai has become a guiding star, watching over everyone. In Chapter 118, the god girl spoke just as she described. That character was simply stating the truth.

Yeah. Something's been trying to corrupt Kamiki for so long now. I feel that is so... but he hasn't.. gone all the way after everything he's been through huh? In that case, maybe he also is strong in his own way.

At the end of this episode, when they talked about stars shining at night, I had this thought. Could it be that Ai, who has now become a star, is protecting her husband and children?

In the added scene from episode 1 of the anime, there’s a moment where Ai is shown smiling while pointing at the stars with her babies (during a flashback she has after having being stabbed).

Tsukuyomi’s statements are all pretty important. This character talks about "love" this time, right? If Ai is indeed a deity associated with love, it makes sense that there should be foreshadowing related to this.

Tsukuyomi, who is a friend of the other gods, might be pondering Ai’s experiences and those who loved Ai. It seems like Tsukuyomi is trying to understand what Ai’s concept of love is (Tsukuyomi was the one explaining Ai’s current state of having returned to the stars and the sea as well- how could she be so sure of it? Well she does deals with souls but I think Tsukuyomi is an acquaintance of Ai). It’s like a divine curiosity—wondering why Ai went through so much suffering by coming down to the human world.

Regarding the emotions listed alongside the characters, let’s talk about Kamiki’s feelings: I mentioned this in another post but I just really like it.

Desire, disappointment, and despair.

I think there are two major emotions related to each aspect:

The desire to be with Ai / The desire to revive Ai.

Disappointment from parting with Ai (it’s disappointment, not resentment. His heart was shattered, but this didn’t lead to aggression) / Disappointment from not being able to meet Ai no matter what.

Despair from Ai’s unexpected death / Despair from the inability to revive Ai.

These seem to align perfectly with the psychology of this character as I see it.

Kamiki has been in constant despair. His black eyes are a characteristic that appears when he is in despair. This changes twice in the story—once when Ruby shows the possibility of surpassing Ai (and he genuinely seemed pleased, as if he was proud of his daughter, right?) and again when he was shocked by what Ai said in the video. After that, his eyes are not shown, so I think he might have regained his composure. He probably returned as a white star.

This post got long and I'm worn out from writing everything here in one go: but I'd like to bring up that the main characters seem to inherit traits from their parents in a balanced way. Ruby also has aspects similar to Kamiki, and Aqua, in terms of motives and behavior, is a complete reflection of Kamiki, but his personality resembles Ai’s a lot. I also think Aqua’s eyes are similar to Ai’s, not Kamiki’s. If you look closely, Kamiki’s face is more slim, so Ruby looks more like him. The comment about Kaburagi finding Aqua’s face beautiful because it resembles Ai’s is accurate. Aqua resembles his mother more than expected. The face shows a blend of features, not just one side. It’s fascinating, and I think the character design is well done.

I’d also like to analyze how splitting Ai’s traits into two could lead to Kana and Akane.

So!! The relationship between Kamiki and Ai and the relationship between Aqua, Akane, and Kana are interlinked. Since I’m too tired to write it all out in one go, and I’ve written something similar before, I’ll skip that part.

The work is incredibly well-constructed. I think this work has a thoughtful design.

The protagonists experience situations very similar to those their parents went through, but they might achieve better outcomes. For instance, the B-Komachi group is much healthier than it was in Ai’s time, right? Things are already better than they were in the past,

Kamiki-Ai ended in tragedy (I hope they will still be happy though)

but Aqua won't end up like his dad.

Ruby won't end up like her mother either.

They're cleverly constructed to parallel each other, but are different, just as what Ruby claims. I actually have high hopes that this series would get a good closure after having seen how they are designed!

So yes, thanks for reading if you did!!/// It's going to be okay! If there's one thing I really admire about this manga, it's the way these characters are coined together and their psychology and relationships. That's the author's strength.. so no matter how this manga ends, I feel like it wouldn't stray too off from what the characters are essentially!

[autumn-foxfire]

IT'S FOR THE SECOND BEST KAISHIN MOVIE! That's right, it's time for me to watch the Lost Ship in the Sky!!

This movie has everything, gay people, terrorists, gay people, a goat and gay people.

Oooh, I didn't know that their was no cure for the bacteria. I was not paying close attention last watch, probably because I was distracted by the gay people.

Actually interesting question: would the effect the bacteria has on a child's body be the same for Shinichi and Ai? We're still not really sure if they've reverted in age or just shrunk. Shinichi get infected and be Ai's lab rat.

Heiji is being such a little shit to Shinichi, teasing him about his small problem.

Awww, Heiji is such a good friend T-T He's always treating Shinichi to restaurants when he's in Osaka. Shinichi you need to return that from time to time, instead of being annoyed when your best friend comes for a visit.

And Kaito is such a gentleman XD "I will be on board but don't worry I won't steal anything until we're near Osaka so don't spend the trip a fretting mess."

Awww Ran, Sonoko and Agasa was about to throw hands with the man trying to scare the children. As they should.

...Okay. The story with Ran mistaking the blimp for a UFO when she was a child is cute but why did they writers have to twist it into her being an "appealing" girl? What? It makes no sense T-T

Oh thank god, yes KID plot please distract me from this mess. I love that Sonoko is so good with the kids too.

NO AI DON'T BRING IT BACK TO THAT DUMB MOMENT.

Kaito~ He's stalking his husband.

Hmmmm, I'm not sure I like how the lady sky is displayed, it deserves better metal casing.

Genta being the devil on Kogoro's shoulders XD Can it punch Kogoro again? He deserves it.

Sonoko. I love you. But girl, you should know Ran deserves so much better than Shinichi. I swear they think they like one another due to half the cast insisting they'll be together and not due to their own feelings.

KAITO! And he's wearing glasses. Taking a page out of his husbands book! How fitting he's wearing a bandage that says Shinichi<3Love on it.

Ran shows no sympathy for KID XD

How did Kaito do his hair to look like Shinichi's so fast? Hmmmm, he probably had to prepared for a quick escape thinking about it.

Kaito is actually telling the truth there, he does partially dress us as KID in order to solve his father's murder.

Damn though, Kaito really monopolised on Shinichi's own lie to Ran in order to help himself. I feel bad for Ran. She's so conflicted. I don't blame Kaito though, he's doing what needs to be done, Shinichi is the one who's put her in this situation.

GROSS. Ran kick him please. Not only did this man touch you, he also made comments that made you uncomfortable.

CAN WE NOT DO THIS. Shinichi, if you actually knew Ran, you would KNOW she's not looking at the man in interest but DISTRESS. But no because Sonoko says she's interested that must mean she is so it's time for Shinichi to do his pissing contest to show the man Ran is his property <.< Good movie, has some really bad points. Especially near the end which is one of the reasons I said Kaito deserves to be hit.

Ran getting to be badass and disabling the threat even at the risk to herself T-T

It's a good thing terrorists don't look up. Oh wait, that's gamers.

It's also good that Lupin is well trained because they would have no hesitation in shooting him and I'd be very upset if that happened.

Kaito's inner thoughts at the moment: Fuck, Fuck, Fuck, Fuck, Fuck, Fuck. I did NOT plan for a terrorist attack.

Shinichi is so worried about Genta T-T

Time for spider Shinichi to come out.

And I hope the woman who slapped Ai gets hit 10x harder.

OH IT'S THIS MOMENT.

KAITO SAVE YOUR HUSBAND!

WOOHOO! And thus begins the Shinichi being carried in Kaito's arms adventures!

Oooh the aforementioned mention of motor on the glider! Something we know KID does install in the future, probably due to his husband complaining about not being able to get back to the airship

Kaito landed so elegantly <3 How does one man serve so much cunt.

...Never beating the incest claims. This little kid, a relative of Kazuha, just asked if he could marry her. I know kids are also like that but still.

Awww, it's nice to see Kazuha and Heiji being cute together. I could almost forget the dumpster fire that is the writing of their relationship.

THE GOAT!

HOW SUS TO GO FROM ONE "COUPLE" BEING DOMESTIC WITH ONE ANOTHER TO KAITO AND SHINICHI BEING DOMESTIC.

HE DOES NOT SAY THAT XD He says "Listen Hattori..." Thank you fan dubs for sharing what Shinichi most likely is thinking though!

And we start with another of Shinichi's crazy plans that Kaito just goes along with.

Not without a little complaining at first, can't let his husband now that he has him wrapped around his little finger.

I wonder where they got the uniform from? Either Kaito had it on hand for the presumed plan of disguising as Shinichi as a quick escape or they stole clothes from someone's backyard. I prefer the second one because it's funnier.

I love how Shinichi sticks his hand out as well. We all know Kaito is doing all the work honey.

AND THE BEST SCENE IN THE MOVIE WHERE THESE TWO ARE IDIOTS!

Shinichi touched his dick. Won't be the last time he does that.

OH MY GOD HE ALSO MOANED.

I wrote about Shinichi using Kaito's grappling hook to save them as a prompt drabble forgetting it was actually canon. Well, movie canon.

Oh my god we actually got a proper look at Kaito in the movie too.

Awww, poor Heiji got hung up on. I'm sorry he got distracted by his husband.

This child is smarter than most of the cast.

I love when Shinichi can work with someone at the same intellect as him. The conversations are just so fun, especially when it's with Kaito.

RAN MY SWEET GIRL T-T Movies bring out the best side of Ran, and they don't have to sacrifice her kindess to do it, like what happens in fandom when they try and improve the misogynistic writing of a female character but only making another version of the misogynistic writing.

Shinichi had way too much fun doing this.

This is what I mean when I say Shinichi matches Kaito's freak. The two of them love pulling shit like this against others.

Shinichi showing off his acrobatic skills once more, combined with his skills on a board that would make Tony Hawks gush.

Imagine being a bunch of terrorists (thieves) and when you get arrested you have to confess to the cops you got taken down by a child. The daily life of DC criminals.

I'M DYING FROM THE CUTENESS T-T KAITO COMPLIMENTING SHINICHI AND THEN GIVING HIM HIS "WARRIOR'S MEDAL"

Kazuha and Heiji and that little kid messing with the thieves is so funny T-T

Does Shinichi not realise how hilarious it is that he admits to Ran he was going to potentially infect a man with a dangerous bacteria?

And Shinichi is being tortured with a gun. He and Ai can bond over that.

The second of Shinichi's insane plans. Where he returns the favour and drops a man into the ocean.

And Kaito does the funniest thing in the movie. Just strolls in, leaves everyone but Ran tied up (just because he knows she won't chase him due to what he did earlier), takes the jewel, and leaves. King.

And the consequences of Shinichi's own actions.

Damn Ran, you can't even have Shinichi's back if he was a thief T-T Asking him to turn himself in. Meanwhile Shinichi will make excuse after excuse to let Kaito walk free.

And this isn't okay, even if I do like Kaito. Not only is he trying to kiss Ran with her under the impression of him being someone else (which would be sexual assault), he also tries to sexual assault her by groping her only for her to notice and stop him. She even mentions to Sonoko (in jest because how dare women be actually MAD about this) about how she can still support him like that after he just tried to do that with her. Any other character and this would be given the name it actually is.

How to ruin a perfectly good movie <.< We all ignore the ending as it's gross.

[star-girl69]

Keep Me Ablaze

Jake Sully x Neytiri x Fem!Reader

—-

a/n: i hope you all enjoy!!

warnings: mentions of fire, mentions of death, mentions of war, swearing, tell me if i missed anything!!

Chapter Seventeen- Betrayal

—-

“You should go back,” she whispers, for what seems like the tenth time. She doesn’t touch you, maybe out of respect for Jake- seeing as the two of you are still in his eye-line.

“I’m fine, Neytiri,” you mutter, selfishly sick of her asking again. “I am one of The People.”

“That does not mean you have to fight.”

The air is thrumming with the promise of battle, Grace and Jake’s shouts, the shuffling of the Na’vi people as they wait for the humans to come.

They’ll come in the helicopters, Grace has shouted, while trying to plead with you to leave. She kept calling you her baby, kept wearing down your walls ever so slowly.

Betrayal gnaws at your chest like you are something rotten to be picked out.

“They’re coming!” Grace shrieks, and you have to close your eyes.

You have to look away from Neytiri.

You feel like you should have known, like you should have warned her sooner.

“They will destroy this place!” Jake shouts, and Neytiri very pointedly stares at you.

“I want you to be safe.”

And I want to help, you want to say, but you keep your mouth shut. You forget that Neytiri lost a mate as well today, that she was betrayed just as bad as you.

“Neytiri, Y/N, you must go now!”

Neytiri tears her eyes away from you to search the skies again, and you stare at her for one more moment. Selfish, greedy. But who can blame you?

Neytiri even has her resemblance bared in flowers- her beauty so like nothing the world has ever known, that nature felt the need to copy.

“I will fight,” you say, but the words are drowned out by the sound of a woman yipping, the helicopters growing louder, starting to circle around the tree.

Neytiri stands up straight, looks at you for just a moment, in that small second where everyone is bracing themsleves.

If this was before, you would probably hug. She would wrap around you so tight you could barely breathe, but she was always your air anyways. Maybe she would press a kiss to your temple, maybe you would feel loved and whole, maybe Jake would be there too.

But this is not before. This is after. And Jake is tied up behind you, a traitor, and you are half a warrior facing a battle you could never win.

“Have no fear! Have no fear!” Tsu’tey shouts, while the screaming behind you grows more and more panicked.

Neytiri’s eyes fix on the approaching humans, their metal ships, loaded with guns and bombs and everything to cause as much destruction as possible.

They come low and close, causing the trees and the plants around you to whip around, hitting your legs and stinging. Their wind hurts your eyes, making it hard to even look at them, but you squint your eyes and look on anyways.

You’re waiting for some sort of order, some direction, when Neytiri’s hand clamps around your arm.

The other archers raise their bows without you, and you frown and try to pull away from Neytiri.

“I want you to go.”

“What?” you whisper, heartbreak crawling up from your chest and into your face.

Her eyes flick to Jake, the first round of arrows are released. “I have already lost one mate today,” her voice betrays nothing, but the mask she wears on her face falls for a second.

She looks like the woman who saved you and Jake, all those months ago. When things were simpler, easier. Were you happier then or now? Do you wish you could go back?

“Neytiri…” you hiss, watching as Tsu’tey and more warriors run past you, most likely going to their ikrans to attack from above.

With this low vantage point, the Na’vi arrows simply bounce off of the metal hulls. You stand no chance, not like this.

Then, you hear the shrill sound of metal creaking, and the two of you quit your heated staring, two warriors battling, fire on fire, see one of the cannons on the main ship move.

Before you can even register what is happening, a gas canister is soaring over your head and straight into the depths of Hometree.

You can hear the screams even from here.

Now, the Na’vi open fire, and you’re still so rattled, not even believing that this is really happening, that you fumble with your bow and almost drop your arrow.

“Go!” Neytiri shouts again, shooting arrow after arrow with precision, only for them to bounce off.

I want you to be safe. I love you. I See you. I need you to be safe.

Then, they soar through the air.

It reminds you of fireworks, almost, that barely-there gleam of an ascent, until it reaches its target, the desired height, and explodes in a frenzy of color.

But this time, it explodes in yellow and orange, in death and destruction.

Neytiri tenses, stays standing, even when Eytukan yells to get everyone to the forest. She is rooted there. Maybe in fear, maybe in hate, maybe in sheer juxtaposition to what she knows is about to happen to her home.

You watch the flames.

You watch them billow around the columns of Hometree, bursting forth like water from a broken dam, expect the water will drown- the fire will burn.

“We- we have to go!” you shout, seeing the Na’vi around you run forth into the forest. Fleeing, like you should be doing. Instead, you are stuck, waiting for Neytiri. What other choice do you have? “Please, Ney, we have to-”

She turns, wordlessly, eyes fixing onto Jake.

You try not to look, you try to keep your eyes on her, the braids around her swinging, like some graceful painting, her lips parted and eyes ablaze with betrayal.

That seems to be the only word you know.

Betrayal, betrayal, it sinks into your bones and your heart, and you don’t know if you’ll ever get it out.

But you look at him, you look at his pleading face, you look at your Aunt’s fearful one.

The realization comes slow. She’s not scared for herself. She’s scared for you.

Neytiri goes to entwine her hands with your own, and maybe you’ll regret this for the rest of your life. Maybe it will be the best decision you’ve ever made.

But you turn your back on them.

—-

Jake knows what he did. He won’t tip-toe around it, won’t come up with pretty lies. He will give the world the truth if they want to hear it.

He is a soldier, still, a warrior now. He has fought wars and battles the Na’vi can’t even imagine. He knows how a man like Quaritch thinks.

But even now, even while he’s tied up, calling out to his girls who only turn their backs, (he doesn’t blame them), yelling to Grace that Quaritch will blow the columns, that they’ll die.

Saying the knowledge strikes something in his heart. He knows what Quaritch will do next. He is the one who told him, who carved up this elaborate plan like he was an artist.

The only thing Jake is good at studying is bodies and faces, trainings hands and fingers and tongues and everything he can, learning and memorizing each slope and each dip. Like their bodies are road maps, treasure maps, but the X is only over their hearts.

Maybe at one point he was worthy of them. He knows he isn’t. Not now, maybe not ever again.

When she approaches them, cutting through the smoke like a knife, rising like a witch from his childhood nightmares, he is scared.

He sees her knife, her pained gait, the fear in her eyes. It is the look of a woman who has seen her nightmares play out in front of her, and Jake knows that feeling well. He has been living with it for years.

But Pandora, The People, the forest, his girls, they took that sadness and crushed it. He knows nothing of it anymore.

Until he does again, until his plans all fell through. Until he woke up and saw the danger, the heartache. He wanted to stop the bulldozers, so he would never have to see their tears or their blood.

Mo’at grabs the strap over his chest, the one where he keeps his knife, and he knows it is all over. He is done for. Here, he will die, and the only thing he can ask is, what is there after death? And the only thing he can worry about are his girls.

She holds the knife to his throat, holds his knife in her hands. He doesn’t fight back. He lets her. She lets it.

He hopes he has earned even some scrap of mercy, that some goodness from Y/N and Neytiri is still stuck on him like sticky honey.

“Mo’at, no!” Grace shouts.

When Mo’at speaks, her voice is a croak, a plea, a prayer. Why is she saying it to him?

His fire is all burned out. He is nothing. He knows nothing but the aftermath of his betrayal, the sting of it, the memory of them on him.

“If you are one of us,” she breathes, the dark kohl around her eyes having rubbed off down to her cheeks, tear marks marring it, “help us.”

Then, the ties around his hands disappear, and he thinks of them, and he is ablaze again.

—-

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[would-this-pokemon-be-a-friend]

Would A Maushold Be A Good Pet?

The numbers say yes but... it's complicated. As you probably are aware, adopting a maushold doesn't mean adopting a pokémon: adopting a maushold means adopting three to four pokémon! For a lot of people, that's a pretty tall order. For some, it may not even be something they anticipated! A lot of tandemaus owners get caught off guard when their couple of furry friends becomes a bit more of a handful overnight! Thankfully, caring for a maushold isn't too difficult, if you have the right resources and know what you're doing.

As far as research into mausholds go, we don't actually know how they form. Many a tandemaus has become a maushold seemingly on a whim while their owner is out of the house, asleep, or otherwise occupied. Some speculate that becoming a maushold is just a part of a tandemaus' procreation, but it isn't that simple. The critters making up a maushold seem to not necessarily be family (Scarlet - Family of Four). Luckily, maushold numbers do seem to cap at four, so you needn't worry about any exponential population growth in your home!

Mausholds are, on the large, pretty low maintenance pets. In the wild, mausholds like to construct big (at least to them) dens with rooms designed for different purposes (Scarlet - Family of Three). The data is unclear on if there's a specific material that they need to build their dens in. I'd say your best option is providing them with a designated outdoor digging space, or perhaps something like a large ant-farm, in which to build a nest that they feel comfortable in. Keep an eye on your maushold, you never know what household items they may try to pilfer to help decorate or reinforce their dens!

Mausholds are not very dangerous. Most of their moves are relatively harmless, and they can even help you by cleaning up your living space of any harmful elements with Tidy Up! They know one move, however, with a massive penalty on their pet score: Super Fang. This moves cuts the HP of whatever it hits in half(!) Now, as I've said before, I'm not a doctor, but I have a hard time even imagining what it would be like to have my HP cut in half. It sounds pretty bad. Mausholds' signature move, Population Bomb, calls on the aid of other mausholds to attack targets. This move isn't as bad of a problem if there aren't a lot of mausholds around, so it's pretty contextual, but keep it on your radar. Mausholds are thankfully not very violent, only attacking in order to protect the little ones in their groups (Violet - Family of Four). As long as you make sure your pets feel safe and secure, the risk of getting Super Fanged is pretty low.

Whether you're an ambitious pet owner looking to take in a whole bundle of furry friends, or you're a tandemaus owner who woke up to one or two new faces this morning, a maushold would make a pretty good set of pets if you know how to take care of their needs. They're pretty low-key and even friendly: as long as they feel safe and have the space they need to build their nests, you shouldn't have any problems!

[temptingfatetakingnames]

The Last Steve Harrington Part 12

AO3 Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part 8 Part 9 Part 10 Part 11

The sky was red and Eddie was terrified.

He was doing his best on defense – his connection to the bats through Vecna allowed him to influence them – but there were just too many. If he had more time to practice he probably could have kept them back but as it was he was barely keeping up with the ones making it through their lines. He could fully influence only one at a time, so he had to wait until one got close to his friends before he could order it to fuck off. Which meant that everyone was suffering from various bites and tail marks but at least no one had been dragged away and strangled. It also meant he had to constantly whip his head around to keep his eyes on everyone. Nancy, Hopper, Joyce, and Johnathan were doing a good job shooting them down but he knew their ammunition could only last so long.

In the middle of it all, a child and a monster locked eyes, a battle raging between them that no one else could see. The strain of it was clear on their faces. Vecna – inhuman and snarling. Eleven – blood dripping from her nose and tiring. She was losing. Her hands shook as she held them out in front her, and a harsh gasp escaped her clenched teeth as she fell to one knee. Vecna approached her slowly, a grin stretching across his evil face. He thought it was over, he thought he had won.

Eddie turned, as if in slow motion, to see Steve suddenly break through the swarm and approach Vecna from behind. Quiet as a ninja. He swung that god damned nail bat at him like it was Excalibur, nothing but pure determination on his face. He must have known it wasn’t going to kill him, probably wouldn’t even hurt him but that wasn’t his goal. Vecna turned to strike at him, and it gave Eleven the opening she needed to get back on her feet.

Steve went flying and Eleven screamed with more rage than Eddie had ever heard from another person. Her eyes went black and the ground caved in around her feet. In that moment of distraction, with Vecna still turned away from her, she put everything she had left into an attack…and Vecna stumbled as Steve hit the ground with a sickening crunch.

Eleven threw her arms out wide and then brought her hands together in a resounding clap that echoed out around her. Everyone fell to their knees as the world went still and silent. Her eyes were still black when she opened them and walked to where Vecna lay on the ground. Tilting his head up to her, he said something that Eddie couldn’t hear. Eleven calmly pointed her finger at his forehead and Eddie watched in awe as he disintegrated before his eyes. Like a wave expanding around her, bats and Demogorgons fell to the ground before they disintegrated too.

Eddie clutched at his chest, a new fear gripping him that with Vecna gone his own tether to life would be cut. But the wave continued around him and he still breathed. Sunlight broke through the clouds, beaming down in patches as the red glow started to dissipate.

“Steve!” Dustin screamed and ran to where he was laying on the ground. He skidded to a stop, and Eddie could see the way his fingers shook as he gently turned Steve over. His chest was rising and falling, but the sound coming out of his throat was labored and wet. Eddie didn’t know much, but he knew that was a bad sound. Dustin pulled Steve’s head into his lap before his fingers moved over his chest, unsure.

“How do I look, Henderson?” Steve asked through the blood filling his mouth.

“You’re gunna be fine,” Dustin lied. Just like he had lied to Eddie. “But you have to get up, okay?”

“Kay,” Steve replied softly.

Dustin pushed his arm under his shoulders and tried to lift him. “Come on!”

Steve tried to help him but his strength gave out and he cried out in pain. Dustin laid him back down, hands fluttering uselessly over his ruined chest.

“Stop, please stop,” Steve said through gasping breaths.

Dustin looked down, tears in his eyes. Steve smiled up at him brightly.

“She got him, right?” he asked.

“Yeah, Steve. She got him.”

“Good… It’s alright, Dustin,” Steve choked out. “It’s alright. I love you...”

“I love you, too.”

Steve closed his eyes, tears slipping out between his lashes and his breathing grew even more labored… and then…

…it stopped.

“Steve?”

“Steve?”

“Steve!” Dustin screamed.

The sky was blue and the sun was warm and Steve Harrington was dead.

Eddie woke with the sound of Dustin’s scream still echoing in his ears. He hadn’t dreamed of that night in a long time. He sighed and rubbed the sleep out of his eyes before he got out of bed. Wayne was already asleep for the day, so he was quiet as he moved through the trailer.

He blinked wearily at the coffee pot, surprised to see a fresh batch steaming on the counter. Wayne must have made it for him before he went to sleep. Good man. He poured himself a cup and took a sip as his eyes slowly adjusted to the light.

He hated mornings.

It was going to be a long day. It was boy’s night tonight which meant his home was going to be invaded by his little sheep.

And Steve.

Probably…

They were definitely going to try and get him to come. He was picking them all up at the Hopper-Byers’ after dinner. He figured there was a good chance of Steve agreeing. He had seemed better lately, more willing to try social encounters anyway.

Eddie thought about the look on his face at the junkyard when he had stopped laughing and started crying. Lost. Haunted. Grief so thick Eddie could feel it every time he was around him. He couldn’t imagine what he had gone through. Couldn’t imagine trying to live with the weight of it all. He was a stronger person than Eddie, that was for sure.

Steve Harrington.

Everything felt different with him back.

…but that wasn’t quite right, was it? Because he wasn’t back. The Steve that Eddie had known was still dead. Gone. Eddie had watched him die. This Steve was someone else, a stranger with a familiar face. He had fucked up with Steve in the hospital, he realized now. But he had been protecting Dustin, protecting them all – like his Steve would have wanted. A familiar face couldn’t be trusted just because it was familiar. Eddie absentmindedly fiddled with his necklace. He was glad he had apologized, but he didn’t regret his guardedness.

He wanted to ask Steve more about their history – or Steve’s and Eds’ history. But every goddamn time he was with Steve someone asked a stupid fucking question that made the man tense and freeze up or lash out with justified anger so Eddie just kept stewing in his curiosity. 

Steve was –

He didn’t know what Steve was.

Eddie sighed, set his mug down and went to change into his overalls. Those engines weren’t going to fix themselves.

---

Eddie was exhausted when he got home from work. The summer days were hot and his body was covered in a sheen of sweat. He stripped out of his clothes and turned the water on in the shower, leaving it on the cold side. Hopping in, he breathed a sigh of relief as the water hit his overheated skin. He closed his eyes and tipped his head back, enjoying the silence and feel of the water.

He didn’t hate the work, sometimes he actually enjoyed himself when something interesting came in. Most days sucked though. Endless oil changes and tire rotations and mindless work that didn’t challenge him. Better than working at the factory with Wayne, which had been his other option after graduating.

Sometimes, he still dreamed of leaving. Going to New York or Chicago. A big city with big ideas where someone like him didn’t have to hide as much.

Though, Hawkins wasn’t as bad as it used to be…

Now that he was out of high school his life felt like his own. He also had a much larger family than he ever could have expected to have. He and Wayne had open dinner invitations to so many houses they never had to cook again if they didn’t want to. Not that they took them up on it too often.

He finished washing, turned the water off and shook his hair out like a dog before he exited the shower. He wrapped a towel around his waist and went into his bedroom to get dressed. After donning his usual black attire, he grabbed his book off the shelf and threw himself down on his bed. He had a little time to himself before he had to go pick up the kids. Opening the book to where he had left off, Eddie read:

“If wishes were fishes we’d all cast nets,” he murmured. It was his mother’s expression and he always used it when he felt the blackness of tomorrow on him. Then he thought what an odd expression that was to be taking to a planet that had never known seas or fishes…

When the room started to get dark from the setting sun, Eddie put his book away and grabbed his keys. Wayne was in the kitchen, sipping a cup of coffee when he walked out.

“Mornin,” Wayne said.

“Evenin,’ Eddie said back.  

Wayne grunted at their overused joke.

“I’ll be outta here in a bit so you can do your ‘boy’s night,’ thing.”

“Breakfast with Frank?”

Wayne grunted again. He didn’t like mornings any more than Eddie did. Didn’t matter that his morning’s started at 7:00pm instead of 7:00am.

“See ya later, Uncle Wayne.”

Wayne waved him off and Eddie left. He hopped into his van, rolled down the windows and turned up the stereo up until he couldn’t hear himself think.

When he turned the corner onto the Hopper-Byers’ street, he saw all the boys waiting on the lawn. Steve in the middle of them all.

He was laughing.

Eddie pulled up to the curb and slowly came to a stop. The boys rushed the van, piling into the back and leaving the front seat for Steve. It wasn’t the first time they had done it, and Eddie was surprised at how soft the little brats were with him, how considerate.

“Hey Eddie,” Steve said as he jumped in. He looked good. His skin wasn’t so pale and he was starting to put on weight. Looking more every day like the Steve Eddie had known and not the gaunt skeletal man they had pulled out of an apocalyptic nightmare.

“Steve.” Eddie nodded to him. Steve smiled but winced a little and blinked a few times quickly. Crap. He reached for the radio dial and turned it down to a more normal level. The kids were screaming at each other in the back and Eddie side-eyed Steve to see how he was doing with the noise. He wasn’t squinting anymore so it must have been a bit better.

“How was work?” he asked.

Eddie told him about his day as they made their way to the trailer park. When he pulled up, the kids rushed out of the backseat before he had even put the van in park. They ran to the door, pushing and shoving and Eddie laughed as Lucas made it through the door first. Lucas usually won. Surprisingly, Will also got to the chair first a lot when he tried for it. Lucas was stronger but Will was scrappy.

Steve asked about the ritual and Eddie explained Wayne’s chair as they made their way inside.

---

When the first movie was over, they took a little break to get more snacks and use the bathroom before starting the next one. The kids were moving around the trailer but him and Steve were sitting on the couch.

“What was your Eddie like anyway? Was he like me?” Eddie couldn’t help but finally ask. He shoved a handful of popcorn in his mouth, embarrassed. He hoped that it wouldn’t make Steve uncomfortable or angry…

Eddie’s eyes widened as a grin spread across Steve’s face instead.

“Eds was great, really friendly and popular – more popular than I was! Captain of the baseball team, too.”

What.

The.

Fuck?

There was no universe where Eddie Munson would be captain of the goddamn baseball team. But Steve just sat there looking at him with that smile on his face and Eddie couldn’t help but think it was the horrifying truth.

“Were you not the captain of the baseball team?” he asked with a confused tilt to his head.

It made sense in some ways why Steve and Eds would be friends though, if he had been so different from Eddie.

“No!” Dustin screamed in indignation on his behalf and Steve burst into laughter.

“Got you!” the asshole said and wiped the tears of mirth from his eyes.

“What the hell, Steve?” Lucas yelled.

Steve just kept laughing maniacally. It was the happiest Eddie had ever seen him. And if it had to come at Eddie’s expense? Well, that was fine with him. Steve had a beautiful laugh, full and warm.

“Good one, Steve,” Eddie said and smiled at him just as wide. It was good to see him acting more like himself… or more like Steve?

Shit.

Multiverses were confusing.  

“I knew Eds a lot longer than I’ve known you but from what I’ve seen so far, you two are pretty similar.” Steve paused and speared Eddie with the intensity of his gaze. “Huge nerds with a rough exterior but damn big hearts.”

Eddie felt a blush rising to his cheeks at the heartfelt words so he pulled his hair in front of his face to hide it.

Steve got up and went to the bathroom. Dustin was staring at his back as he walked away, a smile hovering on his lips.

“Captain of the baseball team, my ass,” Eddie said to Dustin who laughed loudly.

“He seems better, doesn’t he?” Dustin asked and looked at Eddie, a hopeful tone in his voice.

Eddie wasn’t so sure about that. He thought Steve might always be one bad question or one bad day away from a complete breakdown. He knew he would be if their positions were reversed. But the joking and laughter was new and could be a sign that Steve was healing.

He nodded. “Yeah, he seems to be better.”

“I wish there was more we could do.”

“You’re doing fine,” Eddie said to him and then turned to the rest of the boys. “You’re all doing fine. Keep talking to him, inviting him to things. Don’t push if he says no. Maybe try not to yell so much in the van, yeah?”

They stared at him in confusion and he sighed. For smart kids they were pretty dumb sometimes. Eddie tapped his head and said, “he’s been hit in the head as many times as our Steve, so he probably gets the same migraines. I’ve noticed him wincing at loud noises.”

“Shit,” Lucas said, eyes wide. “I totally forgot about that.”

“Me too,” Dustin said, looking crestfallen.

Steve had died more than a year ago now. It made sense that they would start to forget things about him. The first time Steve got in his van, Eddie saw the tightening around his eyes and it immediately reminded him of their Steve – of the pain in his eyes that he tried to hide from everyone. He had eventually told them all about the migraines he got and the kids had got better at not screaming in enclosed places. But over time, they had stopped because there hadn’t been a need to be quiet anymore.

Will walked over and sat down beside Eddie and said, “he never tells us how he’s really feeling. When we ask, he always says ‘better,’ with a look on his face that makes us think he’s lying. Why won’t he talk to us?”

Eddie took a moment to think about what to say. After Vecna he had hated the question, ‘how are you?’ and he imagined Steve did too.

“It might not be a lie, Byers,” he said. “It’s just not the whole truth. His feelings are probably complicated and he doesn’t know how to talk about them. I didn’t know how to talk about mine after Vecna. Like I said, just keep doing what you’re doing. It’s going to take time.” 

Will nodded. “Thanks, Eddie.”

Dustin and Lucas came over and started settling down on the floor when Steve walked back into the room. He took the spot on the other side of Will. When everyone was ready, Eddie jumped up to change the tape. His foot caught on the edge of the carpet and he fell to the side, he grabbed onto the table trying to catch himself but ended up knocking the popcorn off and he still fell hard into the edge.  

“Jesus, rolled a ‘nat’ one on that dexterity check, Eddie,” Steve said.

Eddie’s eyes widened at the joke and he turned to look at Steve. The room was quiet as they all seemed to absorb what he said.

“What did you just say?” Dustin asked.

“It was a D&D joke,” Steve replied. “You do play D&D right?”

“Do we play D&D?” Dustin spluttered. “Of course we do! Do you!?”

“With Eds as a boyfriend and all of you gremlins as my friends you think I could get away with not playing? Not a chance.”

Eddie froze at the words, stunned. Steve said them so easily: With Eds as a boyfriend. They echoed in his ears. He still couldn’t quite believe he had heard them. The boys were freaking out but their voices faded into the background as Eddie’s mind spun.

Eds had been Steve’s boyfriend.  

Eddie Munson and Steve Harrington had been together in another universe.

He thought back to the hospital when he had first met Steve, when he called him Eds. There was an emotion in his eyes that Eddie hadn’t been able to name at the time. A desolation that he hadn’t understood…

“I play a half-orc half human barbarian named Chuggington, but his friends call him Chug.” A pause and then, “and yeah, me and Eds were dating.”

Eddie hadn’t heard the question, but Steve’s answer cut through the haze. Only a brief hesitation and he once again said words that would terrify Eddie to speak. Me and Eds were dating. He said it so casually – the sky is blue and the grass is green and me and Eds were dating.

And of course, he named his character fucking Chugginton. Chuggington! Classic Steve –

…But it wasn’t, was it? Eddie couldn’t reconcile it. A Steve who played D&D and dated boys wasn’t the Steve he had known. But then he went and named his character Chuggington? Well, that just screamed Steve.

And the thought wormed its way in before he could stop it – that if, just maybe, he had met Steve a little earlier – that it could have been them?

Nope.

He needed to leave. Go outside and collect himself. He stood up, feeling everyone looking at him. He didn’t say anything, just slipped outside. He could finally place the emotion in Steve’s eyes that day at the hospital…

Heartbreak.

Steve had looked at him like his goddamn heart was breaking.

He took a deep breath and sat down on the steps of his trailer. Reaching into his pocket he took out his cigarettes and lighter, his hand only shaking a little. The wind picked up suddenly and it took him a few tries to get the flame to catch on his cigarette. He took a puff and blew the smoke out into the air.

The door opened and closed behind him and Steve took a seat at his side. Because that was something they did now; follow each other onto porch steps to have deep conversations.

“You didn’t tell them?” he asked.

“I didn’t know,” Eddie replied.

Steve reached into the neckline of his shirt and pulled out the twin to the necklace sitting around his own neck. “This didn’t give it away?”

It dangled from Steve’s fingers and Eddie stared at it. Steve knew the story behind it. Eddie had lied when he said it wasn’t the same. It represented the first time Eddie had a family and a home. He should have put it together. Eds had given it to Steve, which meant Steve had been his family. It just hadn’t crossed his mind that they could have been dating. Close friends, he thought, was the only possibility.

“I knew he cared about you, but not how much. I guess I couldn’t wrap my head around a universe where Steve Harrington was with Eddie Munson.”

It was the truth and spoke to an insecurity that had haunted Eddie since high school. Being with someone like Steve wasn’t even a fantasy he had allowed himself. Perfect, popular, golden boy Steve dating outcast, satanist, Eddie the Freak? Not possible.

“There was at least one,” Steve said and smiled at him, his gaze soft. “Sorry if I made things weird.”

Eddie couldn’t fight back his sigh. “Things have been weird for a long time, Steve.”

Understatement of the goddamn century. Talking to a multiverse traveling Steve Harrington who had been dating him was the tip of the iceberg. Eddie had come back from the dead possessed by an evil overlord so his perspective might be a little skewed, though. Steve looked up at the sky and Eddie looked out at the trailer park, unsure where to go from here. He took another puff of his cigarette before holding it out to Steve. He didn’t notice, still looking up so Eddie cleared his throat. Steve looked down at the cigarette for a moment, a strange look on his face, before taking it.

Damn it, he had to ask.

“So…you’re? –” he couldn’t finish the question. Luckily, he didn’t have to.

“Bisexual,” Steve answered easily as he passed the cigarette back.

“Cool cool,” Eddie said and looked away to take a drag. Bisexual…. Made sense. It would be the perfect moment to tell Steve that he was queer too, that they had that in common. But the words got stuck in his throat. Wayne was the only person who knew. The thought of saying the words to Steve made his heart squeeze painfully in his chest. He wasn’t ready.

The moment passed and they traded the cigarette back and forth until there was nothing left of it.

When he reached down to pick up the ash tray on the bottom step he noticed Steve’s socks – and the handle of the steak knife that was sticking out of it.

“Why is there a steak knife in your sock?”

---

Eddie had drifted off during the second movie. The heat really sapped his energy in the summer and he hadn’t slept well the night before. A scream jerked him into wakefulness and he turned to look around. Dustin had stolen Wayne’s chair at some point and Mike and Lucas were lying on the floor. The couch beside him was empty. Will and Steve were in the kitchen, talking in low tones with their heads close together.

He couldn’t make out what they were talking about but Will looked like he was a second away from crying. Eddie was about to get up and see what was going on when Steve suddenly pulled Will into his arms. He thought his lips were saying, “it’s going to be okay,” but he couldn’t be sure.

Eddie felt his heart soften at the sight. He had noticed the way Will was around Mike and could guess what had prompted the conversation. It was good that he was talking to Steve. The other boys were all engrossed in the movie and missed the tears and hug. A good thing, Eddie thought, they would probably tease and make jokes about it. He turned back to the movie to give them a little more privacy.

It took Will and Steve a minute to gather themselves but they eventually came back over and settled on the couch.

“What’d we miss?” Steve asked quietly.

Dustin hushed him harshly.

Steve just smiled and rolled his eyes before looking over at Eddie.

“The doctors sedated her after she had an episode,” Eddie whispered. “They still don’t know what’s wrong.”

“She really messed up her back doing that stunt,” Dustin said.

“Hey, you can’t shush me and then bring up your little facts.”

“My facts enhance the movie watching experience! You were interrupting for no good reason.”

“Shh!” Lucas said nudging Dustin’s shoulder.

Eddie chuckled under his breath.

He managed to stay awake for the rest of the movie. When the credits rolled, he yawned and stood up, stretching out his tired muscles.

“I’m going to bed,” he said to the room. “You can watch another movie if you want but pull out the couch and make the bed now in case you fall asleep.”

He turned to Steve. “You good to sleep with me?” he asked and then grimaced. Why did he have to word it like that!?

Steve blinked a little in surprise. “Yeah, I’m good with that.”

“Coming now or staying up for another one?”

“Now, it was hard enough staying awake through the last one.”

Eddie left the boys to manage the pull-out couch and went into the bathroom to brush his teeth and relieve himself. Steve went in after him, and Eddie headed into the living room to see how the boys were making out. The four of them were piled into the bed, Wayne’s chair abandoned. The third and final movie played on the television.

“Night,” Eddie said and turned back to his room, their chorused ‘good nights’ following him.

Steve was already tucked into his bed, against the wall, when Eddie went in. He was sitting up, his bare chest showing off his healing scars. He had filled out a little more since the lake, his ribs no longer sticking out in such stark definition but he still had a long way to go. He had Eddie’s book in his hands and was reading the back cover.

“I don’t think it’s something you’d like,” Eddie said.

Steve looked up and shrugged. “It might be. I’ve been reading a lot of fantasy lately. Dustin leant me a bunch of books.”

Eddie hummed. “I’ll give it to you when I’m done.”

Steve nodded and handed him the book. Eddie put it on the table before flicking off the light and turning on the fan. He crawled into bed. He was hyper-aware of Steve beside him. The solid warmth of his presence. He had been tired out in the other room, but adrenaline was coursing through him now. Questions he wanted to ask kept running through his head.

“I can hear you thinking,” Steve whispered.

“No, you can’t.”

A little chuckle from the darkness.

“I guess I just don’t understand you.”

“What do you mean?”

“How much you’re like the Steve that I knew and how much you’re different from him.”

“Oh, that! Welcome to my constant dilemma with all of you.”

“Fucking multiverses, right?”

“I had another Eleven come and see me. Skinny little thing with a big scar on her face, popped out of a portal right in front of me!”

“No way!” Eddie exclaimed. “What did she want? Did she try to steal you for her universe?”

Steve laughed. “No, she didn’t try and steal me,” he said and the paused. “She just wanted to know I was alright. She was happy to find me, must have been looking just as long as the Eleven here had been.”

“Wow…” Eddie said and then trailed off. “Do you think more will come?”

A deep breath and release of air from Steve.

“Yeah…I think so,” he replied.   

Eddie’s heart ached. They loved Steve so much. Eleven said she had visited thousands of different universes looking for him, had absolutely refused to give up. Which meant there were thousands of Eleven’s out there looking – another constant alongside Steve sacrificing himself.

Steve Harrington died.

And Eleven wouldn’t stop looking for him.

Eddie was grateful that he seemed to be adjusting, he didn’t know what would have happened if he kept insisting they take him back. Steve was stricken with grief, sad and angry most of the time but he was slowly starting to open up to them. Was slowly starting to tell them about himself and Eddie found that he was grateful for the chance to know him.

Part 13

@just-a-tiny-void @mx-jinxous @child-of-cthulhu @awholedamnmesstbh @phoenix0bird @queenie-ofthe-void @bookworm0690 @estrellami-1 @hbyrde36 @a-gae-af-racoon @nailbatandfreak @newtstabber @novelnovella @meela86 @lenathegay @vampireinthesun @penny00dreadful @questionablequeeries @espressopatronum454 @r0binscript @seths-rogens @fruity-nerd @sani-86 @n0-1-important @swimmingbirdrunningrock @ellietheasexylibrarian @manda-panda-monium @paintsplatteredandimperfect @viridianphtalo @goodolefashionedloverboi @13catastrophic-blues

-Sorry for the delay on this chapter! Life got a bit hectic. -I'm having a bit of a dilemma on some plot point I might want to include and I'm wondering if anyone out there would be cool with me bouncing ideas off them? You would have to be okay with me spoiling bits of the story but if you are at all interested shoot me a pm! -Happy Holidays and thanks for reading!

[skloomdumpster]

I keep trying to work out why Silva went to such lengths to build up this hyper-idealised image of Andreas in Sky's mind and I keep coming up short. I mean, okay, he probably wanted Sky to have decent male role models (and Silva felt guilty about killing Andreas) but Sky already had one of those in Silva. Silva was all the things he claimed Andreas was. Which makes what he did even more baffling.

I feel bad for Sky too - imagine being told growing up every five minutes what a great, noble warrior your dad is and then the real thing shows up - and he's basically an overgrown high school bully - Silva didn't just lie about how Andreas died, he lied about his entire personality. In Sky's shoes, I'd be pissed too.

I wondered once or twice even if Rosalind had Andreas under mind control - not regularly, but often enough that she'd done permanent damage to his mind in some way. Or maybe he'd been hit on the head one time too many. Beatrix was a better strategist than he was - and less easily manipulated - and she was 16.

Of course, Andreas may have just been Like That™ to begin with.

I cannot put in enough words how much fun this ask was to get!! CACKLING at the Andreas' comments.

Alright so I thought at length about the Silva conundrum, I remember thinking the same, literally why are you making up this saint about a bully? Why are you generating distance between you and the son you raised? The boy who wants to be your son?

And the it dawned on me that the goal is exactly that.

I think Silva felt incredibly guilty over Sky and that this enormous sensation of duty and guilt has been his north for longer than anything else has. Silva is a man who describes his father's attack to a Burned One and the fact he took upon his young (10 years old!!) shoulders the burden to give his father a mercy kill. It's Duty Duty Duty.

And I think it's important we differentiate duty from obedience. Andreas is obedient. Andreas hears orders and ignores his own criticism of them, he follows trough no matter what. Silva is dutiful. He has morals and a strict honor code and he'll sometimes fuck himself up over these, he'll get tunnel vision when he has 1 goal in mind (cough "your duty is to Alfea!" said to Sky about spying on Bloom)

All this just to say, I think Silva didn't see himself as a good role to Sky not even for a second. Not when he was a drunk and had a baby he didn't even really want, not when he was sober and had to deal with the fact he had taken a father from this kid - had murdered Andreas, and certainly not when Sky started asking questions and he wanted to give a good answer so he projects some of his traits, some of his own father's traits into a fictional Andreas and only digs the hole deeper. By doing what he thinks is right: killing Andreas, taking Sky under his wing, lying to Sky so he can have a good role model, Saul only makes himself less and less of a good guy in his own eyes and so he NEEDS to push himself from Sky and well... Rinse repeat.

A vicious cycle you cannot be free from unless you're willing to go through dismantling all of it. I wonder if a small part of Saul felt soul crushing relief when Andreas came back and ruined everything. Yes, he revealed Saul was a liar in more ways than one, he showed Saul was a murderer... But also he showed Sky he was not the Andreas from the stories. Which certainly hurt like hell to Sky, but must've felt a little good from Saul's perspective, since he was painting an Andreas who could easily step in and take his son and that simply wasn't reality.

I'm probably rambling, sorry!!

Now, about Andreas, I AGREE SO MUCH. Honestly, about Andreas AND Saul! Strategic my ass, these two are terrible. But I do think Saul has a much clearer head during combat, he can explore his team's strengths and the enemies weaknesses, where Andreas is brute force.

Which, sure, is pretty bad when we look at it head on, but it's not something without its place in a war. Rosalind promoted him for a reason and I can see it, when you're a bloody war where there's no place for hesitation, no place for mercy and obedience is all your commander asks from, Andreas is the perfect soldier. He's a man who'll push through whatever is front of him with sheer brute force and that's what the Burned Ones called for most of the time in the battle field, someone relentless and blood thirsty. In the long run? Not so much!

I think it shows how Andreas is as a character: pragmatic, brute, loyal - that he doesn't question Rosalind's orders and fucks up his relationship with Bea by doing this. Why did he lie about what happened in Aster Dell? Anyone with a brain would understand he'd have a better luck twisting what Aster Dell stood for (a corrupt place) than twisting his role in its destruction. Yet he does that!! He's not a very bright man and that's alright, being smarter than he was would've probably gotten him murdered sooner tbh.