#it is so good it has ruined all other shows for me
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scribes-of-valar · 2 days ago
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𝘉𝘰𝘺'𝘴 𝘢 𝘓𝘪𝘢𝘳
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▶︎ •၊၊||၊|။||||| ᴄʟᴀʀᴋ ᴋᴇɴᴛ x fem! reader
「 ✦ A/N ✦ 」 I don't know what has creeped into my brain, but I've started rewatching the show and I literally wrote this in a day.
✬ summary ✬ Finally taking the plunge and ruining your friendship with Clark, you go on your first date but the next day he's acting like a whole new man. Not a good one. You don't know if your relationship can recover from his cruel behavior, but he's not going to give up so easily.
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For the nth time, you stand before your mirror and find yourself dissatisfied. No outfit is right, each one is too little, too much, too slutty, not slutty enough. You haven’t even started on shoes yet, you would be in the grave before you were ready for this date. Throwing yourself down on your desk chair, you start tugging the stockings down your legs. 
You’re not sure why you thought tights would work during the peak of a Kansas summer, but you’re clearly not thinking much at all today. Head propped in your hand, you slump against the edge of your desk, fingers running idly over the scattered makeup on the surface. Even that hasn't gone right, your normal safeties failing you when you need them most. 
Maybe this was all a sign from the universe. You and Clark have been friends since you could walk, what if this stupid date was going to ruin everything between you?
Sighing, you reach for the only framed picture in your room. It’s silly, something Martha took when you were both too busy playing to see her. You and Clark, freshly five, sit around your old purple play table, the both of you covered in glitter and rocking some of the biggest tutus you’ve ever seen. You’re yelling at him in the picture, probably telling him to put his pinky up when he drinks his tea, and he’s just grinning at you.
It’s funny how that smile never changed. Something warm unfurls and blooms in your chest the longer you look at the picture. It’s Clark, he doesn’t care what you wear or if you’ve put on makeup or not. You both loved each other long before that was ever a problem, and it’s not going to start being one now. 
Sucking in a deep breath you put on the first outfit you’d picked out, a simple white sundress. You rarely get to wear it, anyway. Might as well test it out now. You check the mirror one last time just as someone knocks on your bedroom door. 
Clark calls out your name on the other side, sounding hesitant. “Sorry, um,” he chuckles and you can picture the way he must be nervously rubbing the back of his neck. “I got here a little early.”
You dart away from the mirror, kicking all the clothes under your bed. You slide the makeup into your desk drawer to be dealt with later. For now, you just need to make sure that he doesn’t see what a hot mess your room is. 
Sucking in a deep breath, you tug the hem of your dress down and shake off your worries. This is Clark. Your Clarkie, the boy you’ve tormented since you were a toddler. There’s nothing to worry about. 
“You’re always early, Clark,” you tell him with a soft smile as you open the door. 
His eyes widen slightly as he looks down at you. You did purposefully pick a dress that would emphasize certain aspects of yours. The pink flush on his cheeks is entirely worth it. Your eyes are drawn to the bunch of flowers in his hand and you grin. “Are those for me?” You gush, opening your door wider for him to step inside. 
“Yeah,” he holds them out to you, blue eyes stuck on yours. “I thought you might like them.” You bring them closer to your face, taking in the faint scent of the roses. 
“I love them, thank you,” you find yourself unable to stop smiling as you drop the roses in a glass of water by your bed. After building up your hopes and anxieties for a week because of this date, you're struggling to calm yourself down. 
Turning, you find him already looking at you with a soft smile that calms your racing heart just a bit. “I’ve been looking forward to this for a while,” he tells you, taking a step closer to you. His hands find your own, pulling you into him. “Not just the date,” he amends, smile stretching wider. “Asking you out. I think our friends were getting sick of listening to me talk about you all the time.”
You laugh, “I think they were getting sick of both of us. I feel so oblivious that it took me so long to realize you felt the same way.” 
He huffs, though his tone remains good-natured, “How do you think I feel?”
“Well,” you lace your fingers with his and step closer, “we’re doing it now, that’s what matters.” He ducks down and you feel your breath stutter, but he only leaves a brief kiss on your cheek, pulling back with a sheepish expression. A gentleman through and through. 
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You’d never thought that knowing Clark for as well and as long as you have could be a bad thing. But now, sitting in The Talon and awkwardly dipping your fries in ketchup just to have something to do, you’re starting to realize it is. Being with each other nearly every day leaves you wanting for conversation. You both are already so caught up on what’s going on in each other’s lives that you’re struggling not to just bring up the weather. 
Clark groans and you startle, the noise breaking through the thick silence between you. He leans back in the booth, head resting on the edge and you find your eyes drawn to the strong muscles of his neck, the way his Adam’s apple bobs as he swallows. 
Clearing your throat you glance away from him and push your plate away. “I didn’t want it to be like this,” Clark mutters, more to himself than you, but you hear him anyway. 
“It’s, well,” you pause, struggling for the words. Letting out a self-deprecating laugh, you shake your head. “I just don’t know what to do when we’re like this,” he peeks an eye open and you gesture between the two of you. 
His lips quirk up and he straightens once more. “I feel like I should be able to talk to you, same as always. But I don't know what to say, I don’t want to risk messing this up.” He trails off, glancing away from you and swallowing roughly. The same dreaded panic you’ve been feeling all week is thick in his voice. 
“Clark,” you utter his name lowly, reaching your hand out across the table. He’s slow to meet your eyes. “I feel the same way. We’re being stupid because I know that nothing you could say is going to change how I feel about you.” You narrow your eyes, taking on a teasing tone, “And you better feel the same way,” you scold. 
He huffs out a laugh, larger hand enveloping yours entirely and squeezing gently, “You know I do.”
You shrug, “Then we’re just being stupid, again,” you add, rolling your eyes. 
His eyes light up with mischief, a smile spreading as he stands from his seat. You jump back slightly, surprised by the sudden movement. “I’ve got an idea, come on,” he holds his hand out and you take it once more. 
You let out a surprised laugh as he takes off, dragging you out of the Talon behind him. “Where are we going?” 
He pauses for a moment, looking over his shoulder at you. It awes you, just how handsome he is. “It’s a surprise,” he winks and tugs you closer. 
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“Your surprise is… the school?” You frown, taking Clark’s hand as he helps you down from the truck. 
“No,” he defends, shooting you a sarcastic look as he closes the door behind you. “We’re sneaking onto the field, like we used to. Maybe a little jog down memory lane will help,” he gives you a cheesy smile and you feel like you might melt.  
The sun hangs low on the horizon, its fading golden hues painting the sky in soft oranges and purples. The light catches in Clark’s hair, casting a warm halo around him. Sometimes he seems so overwhelmingly perfect that you wonder if you’ll ever be enough for him. Even when you were beginning to give up hope, he comes up with something so sweet, so thoughtful, that all you want to do is kiss him. 
Swallowing down the urge, you place your hand in his and let him lead you around the side of the school. “You know, we only used to do this to mess with the football players,” you tease. “Hard to do when you’re on the team, Clarkie.”
He huffs out a laugh. “Hey, we can still tear the seams on their jerseys- just not mine.” He throws you a grin, and it sends a rush of warmth through your chest.
The familiar path behind the school is darker now, but your steps fall in sync like muscle memory. The fence around the field looms ahead, a little more daunting than normal. It’s harder to climb in your dress, but Clark gives you a boost. One so strong you nearly fly over. 
Landing with a huff, you turn to glare at him as he pulls himself over with ease. “Too much torque in the thrust, Clark,” you grumble, brushing off your hands. 
He chuckles, throwing an arm over your shoulders as you both step onto the field. “Come on, we should get down there before the sun’s gone.”
Dew from the grass seeps its way into the thin fabric of your shoes as you walk toward the center of the field. The bleachers stand empty, the goalposts stretch high into the deepening sky, and for the first time tonight, you feel like you can take a breath. 
Clark shrugs off his jacket, laying it out on the grass and motioning for you to sit. You hesitate for a moment, but then you look down at the white fabric of your dress and decide you’re okay with sacrificing Clark’s jacket.
Clark lowers himself beside you, leaning back on his palms as he gazes up at the sky. The last streaks of sunlight fade, and one by one, the stars blink to life above you. You’ve always thought the sky above Smallville was different than anywhere else. As if the stars were reaching out to you. Considering your track record with meteors, it doesn’t seem that far off. 
For a while, neither of you speak. The quiet is comfortable, not at all like the stilted silence you’d felt in the diner. You’re content just being here with him, under the vast, endless sky. 
Clark is the first to break the peace. He shifts beside you, drawing in a slow breath as he disrupts the silence. “I’ve,” he hesitates on the word, “cared about you for a long time,” he admits, voice low and steady. “Longer than I ever told you.”
You glance over at him and find his gaze fixed on the stars. His jaw is tense, like he’s bracing himself for you to tell him this was all one big mistake and you’re better off as friends. A smile pulls at your lips at the ridiculous thought and you reach toward the small space between you both. Placing your hand over his, he finally looks at you. 
“I know things are,” he pauses, “a little weird between us right now.” He looks at your hand and flips his palm so he can lace your fingers together. “But I don’t want to lose what we have. If you’re willing to make it work, I am too.”
Your heart stutters, and for a moment all you can do is stare at him. At the boy who’s always been there, the boy who, despite everything, still makes your heart race. Your smile spreads, “Of course I’m willing,” you whisper. 
His breath hitches, and then he grins, the same grin that will never fail to make you lightheaded with infatuation.
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Clark was meant to be here an hour ago. You’d made plans to go to a screening of some old movies at the theater. Sitting on the steps of your front porch, head propped in your hand, you look out at the farmlands around you. He only lives a few minutes away from you, you can’t fathom why he would be so late. 
You’d like to give him the benefit of the doubt, he’s not the type of guy to just leave you hanging. But there’s something humiliating about sitting out here all on your own. The wind has already fussed and ruined the hairstyle you’d so meticulously worked on. You’d already missed half of one of the movies. And the sun is beginning to set. 
Part of you is begging to just go inside and give up, but you're more stubborn half won't give in. Clark isn't like this, he wouldn't do something like this without good reason. 
A rumble sounds down the highway and your head perks up, crestfallen look replaced with something more hopeful. Getting to your feet, you grimace at the pins and needles tingling down your legs. Walking down the steps and getting a good look at the approaching motorcycle, your stomach plummets. 
Not Clark, then, though it’s odd to see someone beside you or the Kent’s driving on this stretch of road. Your hand tightens around the hem of your tank top as the motorcycle begins to slow as it approaches your house. Heart picking up, you take a step back toward the safety of the porch. 
Maybe they just need directions or maybe…
Your brain breaks for a moment as the rider pulls into your driveway. 
Maybe they’re Clark. 
Your jaw drops as he shoots you a smarmy grin, getting off his father’s bike and striding toward you with a swagger you’re unused to. “Hiya, sweetheart." You take a step back from him, brows furrowed. 
“Clark,” you spit his name out in shock, eyes darting between him and the bike. Knowing that he’s not dying somewhere in a ditch, your anger at being left waiting surges forth. “You’re an hour late because you were busy stealing your dad’s bike?” You demand, trying to ignore just how good he looks leaning against the post of your porch in that ridiculous leather jacket. 
“Sure,” he chuckles and rolls his eyes, brushing past you and heading back to the bike. “That’s why,” he snaps, like you’re slow. He straddles the bike and nods you forward. “You coming or not?”
Sucking in a sharp breath, you glance between him and the front door of your house. Again, giving him the benefit of the doubt, you choose to get on the back of the bike. Maybe this is all just one big act that he’s putting on to surprise you with something at the theater. 
He turns the key and you frown, “Helmet?” You ask weakly. He doesn’t respond, just laughs and peels out of your driveway. You squeal, grabbing on tight to his waist and burying your face in his back. 
This isn’t an act, and this definitely isn’t Clark. But whoever he is, you just got on the back of his motorcycle like an idiot. 
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With every turn and rev of the bike, you prepare to feel the pavement beneath your palms. Still, as reckless and nauseating as his driving is, he manages to get you here in one piece. Though, where here is, you’re not sure. 
Clark swings off the bike effortlessly, grinning over his shoulder at a group of girls walking into the building behind him. He doesn’t seem to notice, or care, about the way your hands still tremble from the ride. You’d been too busy clutching onto him for dear life to pay any attention to where you were going and you’re starting to regret it. 
The building is nothing more than dirtied brick, the faded neon sign above the door advertising beer and live music. The bass thumps from inside, vibrating the gravel beneath your feet. From within, you hear jeering shouts, the telltale sounds of a crowd on the verge of chaos.
“Clark,” despite his odd behavior, you still find yourself stepping toward him and holding tight to his hand. The sheltered life of Smallville hasn’t exactly prepared you for backwoods, seedy bars. “Where are we?” You peer up at him and the glint in his eyes makes your stomach clench with trepidation. 
“Oh,” he laughs, tugging you toward the entrance, “you’re gonna like this,” he swears. Despite the way you dig your heels into the dirt, he keeps pulling, giving you no choice but to follow him into the bar. 
The air changes as you step inside, it’s worse than you thought it would be. Thick with heat and smoke, it pulses with the heavy bass of a song you don’t recognize. Multicolored lights flash across the writhing bodies on the dance floor. The scent of spilled beer, sweat, and something sticky clings to the air. 
Your fingers tighten around Clark’s arm as he moves forward, practically wrapping yourself around him. He weaves through the crowd like he belongs here. If you let go now, you know he wouldn’t stop, he’d just keep going, leaving you all alone in a place you want no part of.  
Clark drags you to the edge of the bar and slips a crumpled twenty across the counter. Wordlessly, and without checking for IDs, the bartender slides over two beers. Clark grabs one and to your utter shock, tilts it back, downing one long gulp. 
“You gonna stand there watching me,” he challenges, “or are you finally going to let loose and have some fun?”
“No, Clark, I’m not drinking. And neither should you! You’re driving us back,” you snap, eyes darting around the seedy crowd. 
Settling the half-empty bottle on the counter, he smirks, “Relax. We’re here to have a good time,” his tone almost sounds like a threat. Have a good time or else…
His gaze flickers toward the dance floor and your heart sinks at the mischief in his expression. “And I know exactly how to help you loosen up.”
Again, he gives you no time to protest or even form an opinion before he grabs you and pulls you toward the center of the dance floor. You feel like a leashed dog, no choice but to obey. 
The music shifts into something darker, slower, a sultry beat thrumming through the air. It charges the atmosphere of the dancers and the crowd sways, bodies pressed tightly together as they move with the rhythm. 
“Clark,” you glance around at the writhing bodies and swallow thickly. “I don’t-”
“Just one dance,” he cuts you off smoothly, voice low and coaxing. His lips curl up in a gentle smile as his hands find your waist. His grip is tight but not uncomfortable as he helps move your hips into the rhythm of the song. “Trust me.”
You hesitate, but it’s easier than you thought to simply fall into the slow, lazy grind of the dance. Your body moves in sync with his, despite the apprehension tightening through you. There’s something wrong with him, that’s clear enough. This isn’t the Clark you know, this is some bold, almost predatory version of him. 
One of his hands drifts up from your waist, dragging the hem of your thin tank top up slightly as his fingers brush against the nape of your neck. A shiver runs down your spine as his grip tightens, tilting your head back. You press your hands against his chest, eyes rounding in confusion. 
“Clark,” you whisper his name, breathless from the proximity. “What are you-”
He cuts you off, voice rough and breath warm against your lips, “Finally taking what I want.” His head dips down, lips capturing your own. It’s not the soft, gentle first kiss you’d always imagine you would share with him. This is hard, demanding. 
He’s claiming you, marking his territory as he slips his hand lower on your waist. He pulls you flush against him, hips pressing against yours. A heat slowly spreads in you, but it's overshadowed by the overwhelming feeling that this isn’t Clark. 
You push against his chest and you know he lets you go, the situation still under his control. He backs off with an irritated look, eyes narrowed down at you. 
Your breath comes in quick, uneven gasps as you stare up at him. “What the hell, Clark?”
“What’s your problem?” He snaps, hand flexing around your neck before dropping to his side. 
“You,” you hiss, eyes narrowing. “You’re not yourself, Clark.”
His jaw tenses, fists clenching by his side as he takes a step back from you. “Why? Because I’m finally doing what I want?” His voice is sharp, it bites at the fraying edges of your patience. The music around you picks up pace and somebody slams into you from behind. 
With a pained gasp, you stumble forward, rubbing the sore spot where their elbow had slammed into your ribs. Clark watches it all with a bored look. Gone is the gentle, considerate boy you’ve known your whole life. This boy before you is reckless and selfish, you don’t want anything to do with him. 
His attention flickers past you and you turn to follow his gaze. A pretty blonde sways in the middle of the dance floor, hips moving gracefully as her laughter rings above the music. Without a word or a second glance, he steps around you, striding toward her with the same effortless confidence he just used on you. 
Frozen by disbelief and anger, you watch as he slides a hand around her waist, murmuring something in her ear that makes her giggle. The crowd shifts again, blocking your view of the two. It’s for the better as you suck in sharp breaths, trying to keep the tears at bay. 
A lump clogs your throat and you rush toward the back of the bar, hoping there might be a bathroom to hide in. You just need a second away from the sweat and noise of the dancers. You stumble through a stained door and slam it closed behind you, wiping desperately at the tears rolling down your cheeks. 
After splashing cold water over your face and simply standing in there for a few minutes, you finally feel stable enough to go back outside. You’re just going to ask Clark to take you home and then you hope you never have to see him again. 
But when you return to the dance floor, heart still pounding its way up your throat, you can’t find Clark. You can’t even find the blonde. He’s acting like a jackass, but there’s no way he would just leave you. 
Right?
You rush outside, your stomach dropping like a stone when you see the parking lot. The motorcycle is gone. 
He left you behind. 
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“Thank you,” your gaze stays trained on your hands, not ready to look at Lex. You feel his stare boring into the side of your head before he turns back to the road. 
“You don’t have to thank me. I’m glad you called me instead of trying to get home on your own.” He pauses, hand tightening on the steering wheel as he takes in a deep breath. “But what were you doing in a place like that?”
You slump in the passenger seat, rubbing a tired hand over your face. All you want to do is go home and wash this night away. You’re hesitant to tell him the truth, knowing he might give Clark hell for leaving you there. A part of you is still primed to protect him, but the other part, the one that was just left behind, can’t care. 
“Clark,” you tell him and his head whips around so fast you’re surprised you don't hear it snap. “He was acting weird tonight. Took me there and then left with another girl.”
“Are you serious?” He demands, sounding angry on your behalf. Right now, though, you don’t have the energy for anger. “Clark wouldn’t do that.”
You suck in a deep breath and finally look at him, “The one I know wouldn’t,” you offer vaguely, ignoring his confused expression. “Honestly, I just want to get home and never talk to him again.”
Lex chuckles a little, “You don’t mean that.”
“Try me,” you snap, glaring out the window. You’re debating calling Clark’s dad and telling him that Clark took the bike. If not just for petty revenge. Just the thought of it makes you feel tired. 
“I’m sure,” Lex starts, already sounding like he doesn’t believe himself, “he had a perfectly reasonable explanation for what he did.” You roll your eyes, giving him a deadpan look. His hand lifts slightly off the wheel in surrender. “There’s no excuse,” he amends.
“No, there’s not.” The car rolls to a stop and you look out the window, surprised to already be at your house. The porch light is off, your parents must already be asleep. “I really can’t thank you enough,” you tell Lex, offering him a weak but grateful smile. 
He waves you off, “Forget it, I’m glad I could help. If you ever need anything else…” He trails off, leaving the offer open-ended. 
You nod, opening the passenger door and stepping out. You’re just about to close it when something occurs to you. Clark always gives you a ride to school, you’re not going to have a way to get there after tonight. 
“Oh,” you groan, pinching the bridge of your nose in irritation. 
“What’s wrong?” Lex looks concerned and you offer him an apologetic grimace. 
“I actually do need something,” you tell him, sheepish and pleading. 
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Clark wakes up with a fog clouding his mind, a dull pounding behind his eyes. Vague flashes of memory flicker through the haze. The sound of your upset voice, the thrum of music, and the feeling of your body pressed against his. It makes his cheeks flush with warmth, but none of it connects for him. Everything’s one frustrating blur. 
But he can figure that out later, his gaze drifts toward the clock on his nightstand and his eyes widen. He leaps off the bed, nearly tripping as he gets wrapped up in his sheets. He was meant to pick you up ten minutes ago. 
Clark throws on the first clothes he finds, raking a hand through his messy hair as he bolts down the stairs. His backpack is nearly left by the door as he rushes out. If he could, he’d run you to school. It would be so much faster, so much easier. But that would require explaining why he could do that, and he doesn’t think you’d appreciate him springing the truth of his abilities on you this early in the morning. 
You’re not exactly a morning person. 
He speeds down the road, the truck’s tires kicking up dust as he pulls into your driveway. Throwing the truck in park he doesn’t even bother cutting the engine before leaping out. Two steps at a time, he bounds up your front porch and knocks firmly on the door. 
His foot taps against the wood of the porch as he checks the watch on his wrist. If you hurry, you might both be able to make it to first period on time. After a minute of silence he knocks again, but he’s greeted with the same silence. 
He steps back, brows knitted together, and his gaze flickers toward the front window. He ignores the feeling of being a complete creeper as he peers through the glass. The house looks unnaturally still, none of your usual morning mess as you rush to get ready on time. The lights are off and he can’t hear anything inside. 
Your parents are usually gone before you even wake up. He can’t think of anyone else who would give you a ride. Or why you would even have anyone else drive you. A strange unease coils in his stomach and another brief memory flashes through his mind. It’s not much, just a pretty blonde smiling up at him. 
Jaw tightening, Clark turns back to his truck, climbing inside and heading straight for school. He’s sure everything’s fine. You probably had Chloe or Lana pick you up. Still, even with him being ten minutes late, he’s not sure how they would have gotten to your house before him. 
Pulling into the parking lot he frowns, greeted first thing in the morning by Lex’s ridiculously overpriced sports car. It’s parked right in front of the entrance and he wonders what business Lex would have at the high school. 
The passenger door opens and you step out, your bag slung over one shoulder. You turn to Lex, smiling as you give him a sweet wave. Clark watches it all with his shoulders tensed as something sharp and hot twists in Clark’s chest. 
He watches as Lex pulls out of the parking lot, jaw clenched in irritation. He throws the truck into park and gets out, heading toward the front doors. Inside, the hallways seem more crowded than usual but he still manages to make you out almost instantly. 
You’re at your locker, pulling out books as if nothing’s wrong. As if you didn’t get a ride with Lex Luthor and ditch him for seemingly no reason at all. 
Clark makes a beeline for you, tightening his grip on his backpack as he stops beside your locker. “Hey,” he calls, forcing a smile. “Did I miss something? I thought I was picking you up this morning.”
You don’t even bother looking at him, eyes stubbornly pointed forward. “Guess I made other plans.”
The coldness in your voice stops him in his tracks. His stomach drops, smile faltering as you continue to pretend there’s anything more for you to grab from your locker. “Okay…” He exhales slowly. “Did something happen?”
You slam your locker shut and he jumps. Whipping around to face him, your eyes are dark with anger as you glare up at him. “Really?” You snap and his eyes widen in surprise. “This is what you’re doing, pretending you don’t remember?”
Clark blinks, thrown off by the heat in your voice. “I-”
“Forget it,” you cut him off. You shake your head, looking tired. “Just leave me alone, Clark. Seems to be something you’re good at, anyway.” You whip around, storming off down the hall and leaving him reeling. He wants to go after you but you’re already slipping into your English class and he knows there’s no way he’ll be able to talk to you in there. 
He hovers in the hallway, stunned. What the hell happened last night?
His mind races, grasping at the fleeting memories. There was a bar, he’s not even sure how he found that place. He was dancing with you and then kissing you. His eyes widen at that, grimacing at the blurred memory of your rough first kiss. He’d been hoping for something a little sweeter than some backwoods bar. 
He remembers you being angry at him but that’s it. There are holes and gaps that he can’t remember no matter how hard he tries. There’s only one thing that could explain the reckless behavior, the memory gaps, and the way he felt like someone else.
Red kryptonite. 
His heart sinks and his head falls into his hands. He hurt you and probably scared you. You don’t even want to look at him now. Straightening up, he runs a hand through his hair and tries to think of a way to fix all of this. 
He’s not sure he can, not when he can’t even remember what he’s done to you. 
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Admittedly, ambushing you outside of class probably wasn’t the best way to go about this. But he needed to make sure you couldn’t run from him. You walk out the door, books clutched to your chest, and head down. 
Clark falls into step beside you and you briefly glance up, rolling your eyes when you realize it’s him. You pick up your pace, clearly trying to put space between the both of you. “Wait,” he calls, stepping in front of you. “One chance to explain, please.”
You stop in the middle of the hall, uncaring to the students parting around you. “Clark-”
“I don’t remember everything,” he admits, voice low and desperate as he pushes through your objection. “But I know something happened. And I need to fix this.”
Exhaling sharply, you can’t seem to meet his eye. “There’s nothing to fix.”
That can’t be true. He won’t let that be true. “Please,” he presses. “Just… one chance.”
For a moment, you hesitate, teeth pressing into your lower lip as you take a step back from him. “Fine,” you relent, sounding wholly reluctant. “We’ll talk after school.”
Relief floods through him and he finally manages a real smile for the first time all morning. “Okay,” he utters, trying not to sound surprised. “Great, I’ll drive you home, and-”
“No,” you cut him off, shaking your head. “Lex is giving me a ride,” he opens his mouth to protest and you shoot him a sharp look. His jaw snaps closed and he sighs. “I’ll meet you at your house later,” you tell him, leaving no room for argument. 
His stomach twists as you turn and walk away. Lex, he scoffs and shakes his head. When did the two of you get close? One bad night and you’re already done with him?
The thought should fill him with anger, but it only makes his worry grow. Whatever he had done last night must have been truly awful. He hates that there’s a chance he won’t be able to fix this. But what makes it worse is knowing that it’s all his fault.
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Clark’s in his room when he hears you pull up to the house. He doesn’t waste any time as he heads down the stairs. “What happened to ‘I never want to see him again?’” Clark has no shame as he listens to your conversation. He doesn’t appreciate how comfortable Lex sounds teasing you. 
“Yeah, well,” your voice loses its muffled edge as you open the passenger door. “I deserve an explanation.”
“Call me if you need anything,” Lex tells you as Clark opens his front door. Rolling his eyes, Clark jogs down the steps of his porch, heading toward you both. You turn over your shoulder, smile falling as you nod your head in greeting. 
Clark’s waited forever to finally tell you how he really feels about you. Years of pining all led to that one moment where you told him that you feel the same way. He’d finally gotten a chance with you, to be with you like he always wanted. He’s not going to let last night ruin everything. 
“Thanks, Lex,” you mutter, closing the passenger door and marching toward Clark. Lex lingers for a moment and Clark sends him a stiff smile and wave. Lex returns it with a smirk before driving off. 
“So,” arms crossed across your chest, you glance up at him with barely veiled apprehension. “Are we going inside?”
Clark glances back at his house and shakes his head. He holds his hand out to you and you give him a wary glare. “Please,” he asks, and after a moment you place your hand in his. He smiles and leads you to the barn. 
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Call it nostalgia, call it desperation but whatever compelled you to actually hear Clark out can go bite it. He abandoned you at a club in a town you hadn’t even heard of. To go be with another girl, no less. You shouldn’t have even stopped to listen to him in the hallway. It’s a lack of self-respect, really. 
But there was something in his eyes that compelled you to stay. Last night, he’d been a stranger wearing Clark’s face. This morning, you saw the earnest sincerity you always do when you look into those pretty blue eyes of his. Giving in was an inevitability. 
Walking the familiar path to the barn you’re struck with a feeling almost like grief. Whatever could have bloomed between you and Clark feels like sand falling through your fingers. Unless he’s about to open those doors and reveal an evil twin, you’re not sure you could ever forgive him. 
Clark glances over his shoulder at you, a gentle smile pulling at the corners of his lips. He throws the doors of the barn open and you roll your eyes at the dramatics. You slip past him and head inside, stopping short once you see what he’s done. 
Fairy lights dangle above the loft, illuminating what looks like a poorly built blanket fort. Christmas lights he clearly stole from his mom are hung haphazardly from the rafters. You can see the effort he put into making the barn feel special, even if the execution is lacking.
It’s the nostalgia of it all that makes you smile. Summer’s spent camping out in the barn, hidden away under blanket forts, and trying to scare each other with your bad ghost stories. It’s a time capsule of your childhood. And you know what he’s trying to do, how he’s trying to soften the hard edges of your resentment. You hate that it’s beginning to work. 
Clark heads up to the loft first, glancing over his shoulder and motioning for you to follow. You sigh, face blank as you work to keep up the cool exterior you feel slowly melting away. He offers his hand as you reach the top, and after a beat of hesitation, you reluctantly take it. 
Clark pulls you forward and keeps your hand in his as he leads you to sit down across from him. Sinking back into the plush pillows and blankets you prop your head in your hand, watching him with a bored expression. Sucking in a deep breath, he rubs his hands along the surface of his jeans, avoiding your eyes for a moment. 
“I didn’t want our first kiss to be in some bar.” He chuckles awkwardly, rubbing the back of his neck before finally meeting your eyes. “I didn’t want our first anything to be there. I wanted it to be somewhere like this, somewhere that actually meant something to us.” 
His throat bobs as he swallows. Then he leans closer, reaching across the space between you, his fingers curling around yours again. The warmth of his palm is comforting, even if you don’t let him see that. “I don’t want to lose my best friend. I don’t want to lose you, you have to believe me. What happened last night, it wasn’t me.”
Your expression hardens and you yank your hand from his, putting distance between you. Clark’s face flickers with hurt, but you ignore it. “Why should I believe anything you say, Clark? What happened last night was an eye-opener. Clearly, we’re better off just being friends.”
He sucks in a sharp breath, looking like you’ve just punched him in the gut. “You don’t mean that,” he murmurs. 
“Don’t I?”
Clark drops his head into his hands, fingers threading through his hair. His shoulders curl inward, and for a long while, he doesn’t speak. The silence between you stretches, thick with unspoken words. 
Maybe it would be better for you to just leave. Some space might do both of you good, and help you come to terms with the truth of it all. 
This was never going to work. 
Clark exhales slowly, then straightens, blue eyes meeting yours with an intensity that catches you off guard. “Alright,” he nods, some internal battle going on that you’re not privy to. “Stand by the window.”
Your brows furrow and you shake your head. “What?”
“Do it,” he tells you, tone firm, and you find yourself struggling for a reason not to listen. Finally, with a reluctant huff, you get up and go stand by the window. 
The golden fields stretch before you bathed in the warm glow of the setting sun. The wheat sways gently in the evening breeze. Utterly boring and un-fascinating. 
You roll your eyes, “Clark, I swear-” 
A distant whistle cuts through the air. You whip around, expecting to see Clark behind you and instead find the loft empty. Your stomach tightens and you turn back to the window. A flicker of movement catches your attention, “What the…”
You press against the window, squinting at the field below. That’s when you see him. A very small Clark waves from the middle of the wheat, far too distant for how quickly he got there. Your breath catches and you find yourself waving back without thinking. 
There’s no possible way he crossed all that in under thirty seconds. 
But he’s not satisfied with just an impressive show of speed. Clark disappears and then reappears right below the barn window. Only, he’s not alone. 
Above his head, with terrifying ease, he’s holding a goddamn tractor. Your heart slams against your ribs. “Clark!” You shout, terrified this little stunt of his is going to end with him sandwiched into the dirt. He sets it down casually, as if it weighs nothing. 
A gust of wind pushes your hair forward and you turn sharply. Clark stands behind you now, cheeks flushed, a sheepish smile tugging at his lips. “What the hell was that?” You demand, eyes darting between him and the tractor outside.
“It’s what I wanted to tell you. What I’ve always wanted to tell you,” he concedes, his smile faltering slightly, his voice tinged with something vulnerable. 
Still stunned, you sink onto the couch as he begins to explain. About the crash landing. About his powers. How he’s different.  
Your best friend- your almost-boyfriend, is an alien. 
Of all the things racing through your mind, only one question comes to mind. “Why have you never told me?” You don’t ask him if he was from Jupiter or Mars, or if he’s got a secret eye hidden somewhere. You just want to know why he didn’t think he could trust you. 
Clark hesitates. Then, in a voice barely above a whisper, he says, “I was afraid you wouldn’t want me anymore. That you’d see me as some freak.”
You snort, “You’re an idiot is what you are.”
 His head snaps up, blinking at you in surprise. “Clark, why would I ever care about what planet you’re from?” You shake your head, a smile creeping onto your lips as you shift forward, kneeling in front of him. Your hands find his, squeezing slightly. Then, hesitantly, you reach up, cupping his cheek. A smile spreads across your face as he leans into the touch. “I care about you, not about what rocket you crash-landed in.”
“More of a pod,” he corrects and you shoot him a sharp look that makes him laugh. He sobers quickly, smile fading, “I understand if you can’t forgive me for last night.”
“Well,” you muse, tilting your head. “It wasn’t really you, right? It was that krypto- karo-”
“Kryptonite,” he grins a little at the way you stumble over the word. “And, yes, it was. I would never purposefully hurt you, but it’s not an excuse.”
“It’s actually the only acceptable excuse,” you tell him, rolling your eyes playfully. “That or evil twin.” Clark’s eyes widen slightly and you narrow yours. “Do you actually have an evil twin?” You shake your head, “Never mind, we’ll talk about that later.”
You glance up at the twinkling lights strung above, the warm glow making the loft feel impossibly soft, impossibly safe. “Clark?” You ask and he hums, already looking at you when you glance back at him. “We can always try that first kiss again.”
His smile, soft and sweet, mirrors your own. As you lean in, his arms circle your waist, pulling you gently into him. Your fingers thread through the soft tresses of his hair as his lips brush against yours, soft, lingering, right. 
This. This is what you knew it would feel like. This is home and safety, everything good in your life. You smile against Clark’s lips knowing that no matter what evil twins or toxic rocks come at you, you’ll face it together.
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end. — I do not own the characters or the TV Show Smallville, but this writing is my own all rights reserved © scribes-of-valar 2025. do not copy, repost, translate & recommend elsewhere.
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hirayalore · 3 days ago
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you and SIRIUS never discussed it out loud, but you both knew that you didn’t want to have kids after everything that happened in the last 13 years.
it wasn’t always like that, though (contrary to popular belief). he could faintly remember back then when both of you were still studying in hogwarts that you’d open the prospect of having children with him and having a family someday—and sirius, although scared to death at the thought of ever raising kids his own when he didn’t even grow up with good parents himself, was amicable with the idea if it meant that he’d see little versions of you running around in your future home.
but then he was imprisoned for 12 years, and that was 12 years of not spending every single day with you, of not waking up in bed beside you, of not being able to share meals, of not being able to do the most normal things that young couples did in their twenties… of not being able to propose, of getting married, of having a family together…
so, when he came back and got his name cleared by the ministry, all he wanted was to make up for that lost time. you and him were already 37 years old after all, and although it wasn’t relatively old, he still felt like both of your years ahead would never be enough to compensate for what has been taken—making the prospect of having kids and having to think of someone else other than yourselves unappealing.
until one night, he decided to make a bold step in knowing whether you two were truly on the same page like he was assuming. you never told him about your opinion regarding it, but in the way you were with him after his return, he could feel it in his bones that you didn’t want to focus on anything else other than your rekindled relationship with each other.
but he just had to make sure.
“darling,” he murmured, as you two were trying to fall asleep, his arms around you while your nose was nuzzling his throat, “do you… still ever think about having children?”
you raised your head up almost immediately, meeting his gaze. “what’s with the question?”
“nothing. it’s just that—it’s something we used to talk about. ages ago, really.”
“yeah, it was.” your eyebrows furrowed slightly, as if you were trying to recall the times you did talk about it. “we used to plan that we’d buy a flat in london and live in a muggle city, just to piss your parents off further.”
he chuckled. “we did.”
“and we’d have two kids. one girl and one boy.” you smiled, faintly remembering now.
sirius nodded. “they’d both should have my eyes—”
“and then have the rest of my features, with the nose being a requirement.” you finished for him, saying the exact line he used to tell you back then. 
the two of you laughed at the memory, fascinated at how the teenage mind works when you’re in love. at that age, you always felt invincible, like nothing could ruin the plans that you and your lover have made for yourselves. you would always believe that everything would go smoothly and that happily-ever-after was right next door, never ever thinking that adulthood could potentially drive you crazy or in this case, a dark wizard was going to try to seize control over your people.
when the laughter died down, you gazed deeply at each other, understanding that just as the times have changed—so have the circumstances and ultimately, your decision.
you ran your fingers on the side of his head, combing parts of his hair, admiring the manner in which his face showed nothing but quiet contentment.
“maybe in another life,” you began, voice coming out as a whisper, “we’d have those things. we’d have kids, and have a big home, but right now…” you leaned closer and pressed your forehead against his, savoring the proximity you once longed for in thousands of nights. “i’m happy with just the two of us. with you, sweetheart.”
sirius smiled and nodded, a hand gently rubbing along the expanse of your back, tugging you closer. “me too, love.” he sighed. “me too.”
with no other words needed to be spoken, you pressed a brief yet firm kiss on his lips before sinking back in your previous position, embracing him and nestling in his arms, knowing that even an eternity of making up for what fate had stolen would never feel enough.
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gentle reminder: this author loves feedback! let her know your thoughts if you enjoyed reading this fic and you’ll add 100+ points in her writing motivation meter ♡
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sailorblossoms-rankane · 2 days ago
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Can I ask your analysis on 'who says you're cute' episode?
On the scene where Ranma and Akane walk after visiting Dr. Tofu's clinic (Akane's crying scene is so heartbreaking).
I think that Ranma said 'that hairstyle looks good on you' is out of guilt. When he hears that Dr. Tofu's words don't affect her as she accepts the fact that the man has a huge crush on her sister, this makes him act to say something sorry in a roundabout way.
(I know he apologizes before they visit Dr. Tofu's office, but still, he feels guilty)
But I think it's shifted into something when Akane said and smiled so beautifully (I love love love love love that scene!) 'thank you, that makes me happy'.
That made him realize that Akane is so cute. (I think Ranma (before the cutting hair scene) thought Akane was cute, but this moment really changed the way his thought of her.)
The word, cute, has much deeper meaning now after that scene (to him). This is the reason why Ranma has trouble saying how cute she is (the armor arc really makes the boi fumble so bad when saying how cute she is, and good lord, the Romeo and Juliet scene).
But when Ranma says Ukyo 'you've become so cute' scene, I notice how lackluster it is. I think that Ranma says to Akane 'you're cute when you smile' and the Ukyo cute is the same.
Ranma didn't fumble when he said cute to Akane because he didn't realize his little crush on his cute little tomboy. Ranma saying that to Ukyo is like seeing a long time friend and seeing the changes on her (finally knowing that his friend is a she).
So yeah.... Thoughts???
This is the chapter before "you're cute when you smile" ... he knows damn well he likes her, he's just trying to protect himself by denying her cuteness because he thinks he has no chance with her. He falls for her first, but falling in love is also a process...
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Ranma tells you is not guilt, or him feeling sorry or trying to cheer up Akane. He even gets pissed when Akane says it.
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this is Ranma feeling guilty:
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Nothing Ranma ever says or does to or with Akane is comparable to what he does with other girls. If anything, comparing should be to highlight how different it is...
This is a rejection. This can be associated with guilt as Ukyo often is...(even noticing she's a girl, given the ass whooping he just gave her and everything he just learned. It can be taken as an overcorrection)
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The following scene is romantic. Look at how different the framing is – you're not meant to ever compare this to say it's the same as when he says it to other girls! Look at the lighting, how big the panels are, how it takes a full page, highlighting its importance... It doesn't matter that Ranma, who's in the process of falling for Akane, who already knows he likes her but hasn't figured out how much yet, is smooth about saying it. He knows he's telling the girl he likes that she's cute. He's telling her "I'm here, notice me" while being a bit of a jester about it ("gotcha" ... it's a bit of a game, you see, and directly connects this scene to the scene you mention)
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he doesn't struggle with telling her she's cute when he's a jester (that he's teasing her like this shows comfort with her that he has with nobody else too)
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Also, he does get in his way in the "you're cute when you smile" chapter. He's his own worst enemy, and he "ruins it" here
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I agree with this:
"The word, cute, has much deeper meaning now after that scene (to him). This is the reason why Ranma has trouble saying how cute she is"
but this is why
A common thing when Ranma is watching over Akane's unrequited love is jealousy. He notices her being all cutesy in front of the doc and is bothered, and the next time they're over there he keeps pulling on her pigtails to get her attention when she starts acting like that again. "Pay attention to me, not him"
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He tries to put Akane's feelings first in some parts, like here (he can't even look at her, he doesn't like this, but he's already showing you Akane's happiness is important to him)
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But when Akane says "I'm over him" this is framed as something hopeful through paneling and lighting, and Ranma does what has been doing for a while "I'm here, pay attention to me... notice me" he jumps so he's in front of her so she literally "notices him" ... "look at me"
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I think connecting this to guilt is the worst possible thing you can do (which is why Ranma gets pissed) when you think about the story behind Akane's hair. When Akane doesn't accept what he offers out of guilt is fine (like carrying her) but this isn't because he's offering his feeling here. He tends to call her uncute when he doesn't like something she's doing or feels rejected in some way (or when he's trying to downplay his feelings)
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When Ranma says he prefers her shorter hair, he is stating his preference. He has to get away from her and gets to a high place like a little cat, trying to get comfortable but incredibly shy anyway, this is very difficult for him... we see several instances of Ranma dealing with guilt (Ukyo, for example, is constantly connected with guilt) and it doesn't look like this.
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And this is huge, because the long hair is linked to her molding herself after someone else to get love, and the short hair is her true self. So this is Ranma saying "I like your true self better" ... so Akane smiles at him with genuine happiness (accepting his feelings, even if part of her still wonders if it's guilt). She's smiling as her true self so Ranma, who already liked her, falls even harder for her... part of why things change for him is that from that moment on, the reasons to be in denial are no longer "I have no chance with her" ... if calling her uncute is sometimes linked with Ranma feels rejected, acknowledging her cuteness in his head is the opposite. Ranma likes her smile because he likes it when she's happy (because he likes her!) but this is also the start of her smiles being connected to bonding and affection (more consciously).
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Here's something else:
Ranma knows Akane's roughness, and he likes it. He provokes her to get that side of her: he can deal with roughness and genuinely enjoys fighting with her. It's what he's used to (blame genma)
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But he struggles to see Akane's sweetness (even though it's the first thing she shows him with "you wanna be friends?") He struggles with it because it's too disarming.
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so this is Ranma being unable to deny her sweetness, and falling even harder... things start becoming difficult then not because he has no chance, but because his feelings become too big, too much
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i might be forgetting something here, it's the second time i'm typing this because tumblr ate my first response lol i'm not even gonna proofread, a bitch is tired
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firealder2005 · 1 day ago
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I honestly don’t post about any sports all that often. But this Super Bowl compelled me to write this.
Now, right out the gate I will tell you I am a KC Chiefs fan. I was born one. I am a third-generation fan, going back to my grandpa who picked them at 19 when they were a godawful team and barely televised through my mom’s childhood, because only the good teams were televised then — so if they could watch them, it was to watch them get POUNDED.
I got to watch them win a Super Bowl after a 50 year drought. It was an exhilarating feeling, especially since I was constantly picked on at school by a classmate because of my team (he would go out of his way to harass me whenever his team — Ravens, btw — beat the Chiefs. And he was blissfully quiet the whole day after).
I got to see them win another one two years ago, in the affectionately nicknamed Kelce Bowl because of the Kelce brothers playing against each other. That was a fun year.
And another one after that.
Am I all that cut up about them losing this year?
No. I am not. Because I know it’s just a game. The dudebros need to chill out fr.
But I also know that this year…it wasn’t quite just a game, either. There’s other forces at play.
I honestly had no idea that some of the major Chiefs players supported trump until today. Just before I started writing this, in fact. I didn’t know trump wanted them to win either.
There was a bad taste in my mouth when I found that out.
I don’t consider myself to be a fanatic fan. But I am a proud fan. Someone once called me a bandwagon and I got offended.
But. But.
I am not a fan of this. Of the support and cozying up to of fascism, racism, queerphobia, you name it. It boggles my mind too because there are Black players on the Chiefs, there are Black players who CARRY the NFL’s legacy on their backs, and to support the trump administration is to take away their support.
You know what I am a fan of?
The political message of Kendrick Lamar’s halftime show.
I have never listened to any of Kendrick’s discography. I’ve never really been all that into hip hop or rap (my whiteness is showing I know).
Honestly, while I was watching, a lot of what was going on flew over my head. And I also had a hard time hearing the lyrics 🫣 again, not used to this genre of music 😅
But that’s what I thank tumblr for. Tumblr always has a way of bringing the unknown into the spotlight, and expanding my own knowledge on it.
I am very much not knowledgeable on the Black history surrounding Kendrick’s performance. But looking back, with a fresh set of eyes, what I do know and have put in effort to learn starts to be clear.
And I think it was genius. I think Kendrick Lamar’s performance is what saved this Super Bowl for me because I am vastly disappointed in my team right now, and still would have been even if they won.
I do not begrudge the Eagles their win. After all, this was a rematch 😜 Only fair you have your time to shine.
But in all seriousness, I think I prefer a loss to a win simply because I would not be able to enjoy that win knowing what I do now.
Besides. if it comes with the bonus of trump’s night being ruined? having to live with spending TAXPAYER MONEY (my money!!) to go and watch the game only to leave halfway through because Kendrick called him out? good. I can handle the sidelong taunts about the Chiefs and their bad decisions. I am mature enough to see that.
I am mature enough to see that an Eagles win, packed with Kendrick Lamar ripping the right a new one, is a win for us all — Chiefs fans included.
The next four years will be tough. But with such a spectacular performance? The trans flag? The Palestine and Sudan flag? Everything?
I think we have what we need to keep fighting. Kendrick, Chappell Roan, Lady Gaga, all of these artists lending their voices to support those who will be grievously impacted by what comes next is so important, especially at events like the Grammies and the Super Bowl. It shows that people care.
It shows that we can always care.
It’s just a game, yeah. But now it’s so much more.
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shadamyheadcanons · 2 days ago
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@shadowsfascination showed me this post from the Writing-prompt-s blog:
“Some say that an invisible red string is tied around the fingers of soulmates meant to be together forever. As it turns out, you can see these red strings, and have therefore created a highly successful matchmaking business.”
It gave me two brief ideas. The first one is a little more angsty and strictly involves Amy, while the second is fluffy and Shadamy-centric. They both have happy endings, though.
Angsty version:
Amy learns very early on about her gift, as it’s rare but not unheard of. She’s precocious about it; when she’s five, she’s prone to doing things like seeing happy couples with unconnected strings and bluntly saying, “You’re bad for each other.” Naturally, Amy’s mother is mortified by this behavior and urges her to stop doing it.
At first, this seems like a normal reaction...until one night at dinner when Amy asks, “Mom, Dad, why aren’t your strings attached? Mom is attached to the mailman instead.”
That’s how the truth comes out that her mom is cheating on her dad, which leads to their divorce. Amy blames herself, and her parents don’t do a very good job of convincing her otherwise. The resentment’s there, and she can tell. From then on, she resolves never to share her gift–her curse–with anyone for fear of ruining something else.
This continues until she hears two good friends of hers talking. One is trying to defend her clearly abusive partner, saying he’s “not always like that,” he’s “usually very sweet,” etc. And Amy just can’t hold it in any longer. She blurts out that they’re not meant to be together. The one she belongs with is the best friend who brought her in, the man who’s holding her as she’s speaking. Everyone’s silent for a moment, and Amy immediately regrets it...until six months later, when the two are dating and thank her for stepping in.
Amy embraces her gift at last and uses it to help others, becoming a matchmaker and relationship therapist. However, she spends just as much time “matchbreaking,” carefully working to break up couples who are bad for each other. She learns that sometimes, the best way to spread love is by ending ties that pull in the wrong direction, like pruning a plant of old leaves to allow new ones to thrive. It’s hard sometimes, but there’s no one who’s better at it.
Her mother never makes amends, but her father apologizes profusely for how he treated her when she was younger and introduces her to her new stepmom, thanking her for giving him the opportunity to meet her.
--
Now, the happier option:
Amy can see the strings tying people to their soulmates. Aside from aromantics like Sonic, who have little knots/bows on their fingers to show they’re complete on their own, everyone has a string...except for Amy herself. Hurt but determined, she decides to start a matchmaking business to spread love around the world in her own way, even if she can’t be a part of it.
Then, she meets Shadow, the only other person she’s met without a string. He brushes off her concern, as he doesn’t put stock in the concept and has reluctantly resigned himself to being a “dead end,” but Amy insists on trying to match him up with his soulmate all the same, as she feels everyone who wants a soulmate must have one. She finds it’s not so easy without the cheat sheet she’s had all her life. While getting to know Shadow and considering all the wonderful things he could offer as a partner, she can’t help but fall for him herself. Likewise, Shadow sees all the care and effort she’s put into bringing him happiness and fulfillment, the passion and devotion no one else could ever match. He doesn’t stand a chance, either. Amy takes the plunge and gets together with him even without that divine confirmation.
The truth of the matter, one that Shadow suspects, is that someone with the gift simply can’t see their own string, but Amy doesn’t need that validation to know she belongs with him.
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faeriesandfolklore · 1 day ago
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A ghost prince, lurking in an abandoned kingdom ruined by the plague. The entire city was evacuated, parts of it completely burned to stop the spread of the sickness. The prince and his entire family, once royal, were burned as a result of the growing disease. 
Now, he lingers in the darkness of the evening light, a flickering wisp of what he once was. He sees travellers occasionally dare to come to the kingdom, in search of lost riches left behind by the dead. He often chases them off, becoming a monstrosity. After all, he is all that is left. 
One evening, you decide to venture into the ruins hoping for a stroke of luck. Your village is poor, barely making enough coin to feed the wailing children or the oldest members. So you venture into the forest of burnt houses and trembling pillars, hoping for a golden bowl or even a lovely vase. 
You do not notice the prince following you, his silvery hair shimmering in the moonlight. His slender form, once broad with life, now phosphorus at the edges of his being. You slink through the wreckage, lifting up old cabinets or peeking into dressers. You find a few trinkets here and there, or photos that survived the fire. 
The prince’s first instinct is to scare you off. Make you pay for trespassing. But something about you is different from the others who come here. They are greedy, seeking riches to fill their already overflowing stores. But you are thin. He can see your cheekbones, and not in a good way. 
So he makes himself visible to you, a jagged outline against the black landscape. You screech and jump, falling back into the dark soil beneath you. He is eerily beautiful, with large blue eyes, pale hair, the sort of fairness only death can bring. He raises a long arm, pointing toward the ruins of the palace. 
You follow him, deciding that this apparition must be trying to show you something. And he does. He shows you a hidden room in the old castle, filled with overflowing coins and diamonds, riches beyond your wildest dreams. You stuff your satchel full, imagining all you can do with it. Rebuild the schoolhouse, give your mother a new dress. 
As you turn to leave, you see the prince lingering in the shadows. He looks almost sad to see you go. 
You step forward, holding out your hand. “I am Y/N.” 
He swallows, eyes vacant with memory. He looks as if he has seen the entire world end, time and time again. “I am-” A frown. “I cannot recall.”
“Then…” You search your mind for something to call him. Everyone needs a name, after all. “I will call you Aether.” You take his hand and pull, surprised by the way his fingers curl around yours. So you can feel him. 
“Come with me,” you say quietly. “These ruins are just that. Ruins. Perhaps you could find a new purpose in death.” 
His eyes slide over you like water from a cloud, pale and endless. You are the first person to speak to him in years. To touch him. And your hand is warm, soft in his. He does not want to let go. The ghost- Aether, his name is- nods slowly, trailing you down the hillside back to your home.
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berryliciouspie · 2 days ago
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ᢉ𐭩 arcane hot take y'all hate on mel for stupid reasons.
a long yap💔💔
MEL.. IMO SHES DONE NOTHING WRONG GET BEHIND ME MEL!!! /hj mel did manipulated jayce subconsciously.. stay with me now!! she was literally raised to be like that and when jayce confronted her abt it the way she said "investments" you can tell thats just how she IS and how shes been brought up and she doesn't see wrong in it when it is useful BUT i think she genuinely loved jayce because who says "i wont let them ruin ur dream" HHELLLLO. she knew a war was coming she just had to play her cards props to her 💔
she is a good character because shes literally the daughter of a woman whos entire being is based on war and taught her to do anything to get what she needed but she still has her morals which is painfully obvious COUGH COUGH THE LAST EPISODES COUGH.
honestly for the people who say they dont like her because she did manipulate jayce i like them better then the hoes who say "SHE GETS IN THE WAY OF JAYVIK" because they at least have a valid reason like bro we left girls in shows getting way of ships in 2018 with bakudeku you fucking gooner LEAVEEE.
also are we forgetting baby ekko manipulated jayce bye. /hj. also i wrote all this cus someone said i was ableist for liking mel because APPARENTLY she's ableist ..??? pls go outside. and they were a caitlyn fan i dont wanna hear it
ok moral of the yap mel did manipulate but its not the worse thing that has happened in arcane. jinx caitlyn silco and others have done a lot worse yet i dont see the same amount of cult hate that MAY BE A LITTLE.. MOTIVATED.. BY A CERTAIN FACTOR.. COUGH COUGH.
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shes so cute how can anyone hate my black queen #ilymel #melisme
all opinions don't jump me 💗💖
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demonixoverlord · 2 days ago
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dunno if im late or nuthin but this took me a couple weeks to do cough @quartztwst for the uhhh... *flips through papers* .. no yandere au yeaahhh (i might do myself / my yuusona as well, im debating it haha)
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magic level ^^^ he's pretty good in general, with his strongest being more.. phenomenon ish? (ref: this post ig) he'd probably be a rival, only due to the fact that he tolerates Azul and doesn't condone murder lol (might change? idk)
Q/A questions under cut
Does your OC have parents or family in the AU? If not, what is their current living situation?
He lives with his parents in a pretty nice house near where his parents work (aka S.T.Y.X cough) and tends to walk with Idia to school (most likely forcibly lol)
What are their thoughts on Quartz? He finds her interesting, although a bit sceptical because he can tell somethings fishy with how she talks about Azul and acts around him. He does try to see if she's doing alright on occasion, worried if she's masking due to personal issues, issues at home, etc.
What is their thoughts and relationship with Azul? How did they meet Azul?
Macarius is positively neutral about Azul, admiring him for his status but also judgemental about his tactics. Since Macarius tends to help Idia a lot or just stay nearby for social support (we all need someone to speak for the introverts lol) he met Azul at the end of one of the council meetings, and again at clubs. Due to seeing Azul often at clubs, he's gotten to know him slightly better.
Your OC stumbles upon a dead body a few feet outside of the school. Do they report it? Immediately. He first of all wants justice for the victim, but he also doesn't want the enviroment nearby to smell of rot. (lol)
Why does your OC like their crush?
Growing up knowing Idia from their parents working together, he grew closer to Idia and admired him for his skill. Aside from that, Macarius slowly came to the realization that he likes boys as well, more specifically Idia. Of course he doesn't entirely know why or how, especially due to his ex-girlfriend pretty much ruining his expectations of relationships, but he's coping through it.
Since reputation and popularity are kind of different, is your OC popular in and outside of school?
He's pretty neutral standing outside of school, being known for his community garden attempts (he's probably still trying lol). In school however? He somehow became the person lots of first years come to, and has been told he's attractive (he, of course, doesn't believe these often haha)
How social is your OC? Do they stray away from crowds? Macarius doesn't exactly hate crowds, but he wouldn't choose to be in a large one (events being exceptions) since lots of people tend to overwhelm him (and Idia, who he's more worried about :P)
Which TWST character does your OC believe should have more admirers than Azul? He's actually surprised by the amount Azul has, considering Vil also has an admirer hoard, but he isn't complaining since he's happy for Azul in some way. However, Macarius is glad there isn't too many after Idia, considering it'd probably overwhelm him and he'd have to force him to leave his house haha
What are their relationships with other characters/OCs? Shin ( @liyuviq ): "Clever. I admire their persistence. Not everything is a case, however." Macarius likes to consider being their friend, however he doesn't exactly want to push anything, so he doesn't say much about it haha Shuu ( @oya-oya-okay) "Surprisngly sweet. Her hair reminds me of orange lillies." He finds her entertaining, and admires her kindness. He hasn't talked to her as much unless its in passing periods or in their shared class(es) so he makes the effort to try checking in on her from time to time just to be polite. To new / first years, some consider him to be a big brother to them, showing them their classes and helping them navigate the school until they have the hang of it. What grade/year is your OC? 3rd year (18), same as Idia. (he's only a few months older than Idia) Your OC notices Quartz carrying a weapon in her skirt pocket. That's strange since the female school uniforms don't have skirt pockets. Does your OC report this? He doesn't at first, thinking he was seeing things. After a few more times, he quietly told Riddle about it, unsure if he wanted to go as far as school officals yet. Your OC is being framed for murder of another student by Quartz, how does your OC react to that? Does your OC know it's Quartz? Macarius would be probably very surprised and hurt, but still respectful about telling others that it wasn't him. Unless he knew more, he wouldn't have much of a hunch on Quartz without infomation.
What is your OCs goal for the school year or in life? He wants to start a school community garden, using technology to help the advancement of plants and agriculture without harming them.
Where is your OC usually with or at during school? Classes? With Azul? Skipping class? Where do they eat lunch? Macarius is normally with Idia during passing periods or classes they share, as well as lunch. However, he occasionally tutors at lunch (which makes Idia nervous since he sits with him haha) or examines the school's yard(s) in an attempt to plan out a future garden somewhere.
How are your OC's grades? Almost always A's or B's, with the occasional C if he's confused on a subject. (such as English)
Which elimination tactic is preferred to use on them? *shrug* What are your OC's weaknesses? Are they easily manipulated? Easily overpowered by? He's only easily manipulated if he's close to them, especially relationship wise (i.e. his exgf) which is why he tries to keep some people at arms length. For weaknesses, he's pretty neutral on most unless its about Idia (cough very protective cough) or needles (he doesn't enjoy them haha)
Any drama, traumatic story for your OC in the AU? i mean, eh? you can check his lore page if you wanna take that and mush it with this I dunno
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simply lilac outtakes: lilac & minta
(set before the second strawberry ceremony - this would have occurred off-screen)
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LILAC: Hey, so Ezekiel said I’d find you up here - oh. Talk to me.
ARAMINTA: It’s nothing, really.
LILAC: It’s clearly something. What’s up - did Dodo only recite love poetry to you twice this morning?
ARAMINTA: Today is your day.
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LILAC: It is my day - and I’m choosing to make it about you at this moment. So tell me.
ARAMINTA: Hosting this - it is a privilege and I love seeing how the contestants grow - but it also makes me think back to the island, and of all the other people Dodo could have potentially been happy with instead of me.
LILAC: Wait - whoa. Have you not seen the two of you together?
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ARAMINTA: I have. And all of this feels so unfair since when it’s just the two of us, he makes me feel like I’m the only other person in the world. It’s nothing that he’s done. It’s just me - all me. And I see you with contestants and I think “oh, they could be cute, but then they also could be cute” - what if everyone else is thinking that Dodo made the wrong choice?
LILAC: Then plum everyone else.
ARAMINTA: What if he has made the wrong choice? For him, I mean?
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LILAC: Okay - oh, woof. Listen, when people have just started dating, most of the time they’re not exclusive. And if they are, it’s purely incidental.
LILAC: So what you saw on the show was merely what would have been going on in the background in real life. Though I get where it would have been hard to watch. Do you still feel like he’s the person for you?
ARAMINTA: Yes. Absolutely.
LILAC: So is it more that you wish you’d met under different circumstances?
ARAMINTA: Yes - actually, no. I wouldn’t have been the person that I am today, had I not entered the competition. It - it definitely did a lot of good for me.
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LILAC: And maybe if you and Dodo had met elsewhere, you wouldn’t have given each other a chance? [dryly] I’m feeling that way a lot about my situation.
ARAMINTA: True. And I appreciate the opportunity. But then I look at Daisy Dee, who’s so gorgeous and has such charisma, and Sierra, who’s simply amazing - and I wonder how he could have possibly picked me? It’s not that I’m jealous of either of them, it’s-
LILAC: The Inner Araminta Own Worst Critic?
ARAMINTA: Perhaps. 
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LILAC: You could also maybe look at it like, “here’s all these ‘amazing’ people he met and had a great time with, and he still chose me? So to him, I must be extra amazing? And he must really want to be with me?” Could you try and think of it that way?
ARAMINTA: Hmm.
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LILAC: And if you can’t see yourself that way, could you maybe believe that Dodo does?
ARAMINTA: [...]
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LILAC: Would you try and talk to him about this sometime? I know that communication isn’t always easy for you stiff upper lipped Henford types, but if you explained how you felt exactly the way you explained it to me just now. He thinks the world of you. And if I’ve noticed that something’s been off about you lately, then I’m sure he has too. In between all the belching and the paranoid muttering, even.
ARAMINTA: [tentative smile]
LILAC: Well, time to face the music. Just let me fix your mascara first. We’ll just pretend it’s bled since the Watcher didn’t fork out for the Lovestruck pack. Also what’s this dress you’re wearing? Amazing.
ARAMINTA: It’s a @sentate. We had all packed formal outfits for the final, but production never gave us the chance to change.
LILAC: Then production’s a bunch of idiots. Dodo would have proposed to you on the spot. Actually, we better have Lou check that he’s off set for now. Can’t have him ruining my moment in the spotlight, can we?
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dodo harper by @akitasimblr, daisy darling by @mdshh, sierra mitchell by @tipsy-clouds
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natsuki208 · 2 days ago
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Mikasa Ackerman! Strongest Girl With That One Flaw
Today is that day when I can express once more of how much of a Mikasa defender I am! But despite all the good, I will acknowledge the major flaw that caused many to dislike her as well, and unfortunate ruined her character going onward.
(Plz, I don’t wanna see any of you haters here for this girl on her special day, thank you)
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We all know of Mikasa’s strengths; figuratively and literally. She’s known as one of the manga/anime’s strongest fighters, due to her Ackerman blood and what she had to go through as a child. It was because of both her power and compassion is how she managed to save citizens of Trost to escape the city in S1. She showed signs of a dependable soldier.
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One other noticeable side of her character that got explored a lot more within the story was her connection with Eren, and that divided a lot of the fans as the series went on. On one hand, it reflects back to when Eren saved her from being sold for profit and how much his kindness meant to her, but on the other hand, it slowly started to isolate her from other important aspects needed to keep her interesting.
But it wasn’t all that bad; to me that is. There have been times when Mikasa showed worry for her other closest friend Armin, protecting him and comforting him during hard times, swung in to save Historia and Sasha from titans, checked on Connie by asking if he’s okay, and even was concerned about Levi’s ankle.
So yeah. Mikasa grew connections with almost everyone around her, opening up to have more friends within her small circle since her childhood, however, her feelings for Eren started to overlap those friendships. Not that it is a bad thing, I love how the two grew closer as the series went on but it really shouldn’t be the only important part of her development. A healthy mixture of all her traits would’ve made a better experience.
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Sadly, the concept of her undying love for Eren gets heavily exaggerated in the dreaded fourth season.
By that I mean for most of her screentime she spend worrying about Eren and only him. Sure there was… Sasha, but it didn’t really last for very long. In fact, she didn’t really speak much to anyone other than Armin afterwards, and I thought she’d be more open to help them out with their own struggles.
In fact, her love for Eren seemed to have made her more fragile to his own thoughts as well, like when he spoke his mind and pretended to admit he hated her, she got over emotional.
(this is the same girl who didn’t hesitate to punch him in the face when he went too far)
But at the end of the day, it didn’t really matter since she managed to save the world by killing Eren with her own hands but still has him at the front of her mind years later. Yes, it can be hard to move on but at least show some scenes of her bonding with her other friends, even leaving Armin in the dust.
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Anyway, happy birthday, you poor girl. You deserved much better. Not as in Eren, but as in better writing to expand your character. I had a lot more to say but I don’t wanna make this too long. Maybe I’ll update this later on.
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anetherealpoetess · 8 months ago
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interview with the vampire is the best show because not only do we have all the iconic tropes of monster fiction--otherness and tenderness and survival, sublimity and strangeness and terror, etc--but the monsters keep marrying, divorcing, and marrying each other again too.
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starry-eyer · 5 months ago
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‘the black bastard of the wall’ moniker is the exact opposite of the ‘white wolf’ moniker and this perfectly highlights the irreconcilable differences between book Jon and show Jon
#‘white wolf’ highlights his stark heritage parallels him to robb and tries to align him with perfect moral goodness#‘the black bastard of the wall’ is only about jon. it has nothing to do with his stark heritage nor ghost. it’s only about jon#it’s literally white vs black#stark/winterfell/moral goodness vs bastard (targaryen bastard to be specific)/the wall/moral greyness and the duality of it all#he’s already a snow and he’s surrounded by white up north with a white direwolf so being the black bastard and dressing all in black#is perfect imagery of the duality theme in jon’s storyline#d&d rly wanted their jon to always stand in robb’s shadow 🙄#while book jon has an international reputation while still stuck at the wall#my boy is stuck in westerosi alaska and he’s got ppl across the sea yapping about him for pastime#that’s fame baby#asoiaf#a song of ice and fire#GOT critical#jon snow#book jon snow#and i wanna know what other monikers george plans to give jon#while i wouldn’t be that suprised if the ‘white wolf’ did come from george it’s the way it’s jon’s only moniker in GOT that pisses me off#‘the black bastard of the wall’ supremacy#the white wolf seems kinda lame in comparison but say jon gets it if his hair turns white like some theorize#if that happens then i’ll like it more cause it’ll be about jon!#like… the young wolf is about robb. not grey wind. the starks are compared to wolves and robb is a young king and he just so happens to have#a direwolf. in the show jon’s ‘white wolf’ moniker is honestly more about ghost than jon! and that’s ughhh#but robb had the wolf moniker first so it feels once again like the showrunners were placing jon in robb’s shadow#UGHHH I HATE THE SHOW AND HOW IT RUINED THE WAY SO MANY PPL VIEW THE CHARACTERS#let jon be the black bastard !!#his color was always black and the wall is his !!#put some respect on his name and his badass moniker#i don’t want to see anymore shit about the white wolf cause that’s only d&d’s shit invention at this point#valyrianscrolls
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cicada-candy · 23 days ago
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I get the sense that Nina is gonna haunt the next season.
#creature commandos#discussion in tags ->#im having A Moment#bride crashout incoming question mark.#i would Love To See her go after flag but its not gonna happen lol#i mean i guess she already kinda did. killing Rostovic. but like. i want her to lose it#bride says shes the only kind one out of them. she finally accepts that theyre friends and then accidentally drives her to her to her death#i want nina to have been a Uniting Force of the team. i want everything to go to shit w/o her there#a character whose Whole Life is defined by being a perceived burden to others is finally almost able to prove herself and.#i want the bride to go absolutely postal i want phosphorus to try changing for the better. asterisk. sorta. hear me out#the bride is just about nihilistic atp. she straight up says if rostovic hadnt killed nina she wouldnt have cared enough.#she deserved to have a sparkling fiery vengeful meltdown about everything next season. and she should get to kill eric godspeed.#phosphorus has already gotten his revenge.#he went through terrible shit and killed everyone who wronged him and then went on a hedonistic bender about it.#(phosphorus is also the only one to go by a different name. and he chose it for himself. i dont have anythng to say abt that yet but. ow)#but he clearly is still wracked with guilt about his wife and kids deaths too. He goes for Thorne at home. He definitely kills his kids.#in what i can only see as an intentional parallel.#but then in pokolistan when he is given a Very Legitimate reason to kill the little girl [she could out the team] not only does he Not-#he talks to and plays with her in a way that is Immediately a parallel to his own kid owwwww#[for hours possibly? isnt it night when theyre being chased and morning when her parents come down?? ill have 2 check tho]#good god im off topic anyway#phosphorus is a sarcastic prick like. comedically so.#the aformentioned scene is pretty much the only time in the whole show hes even remotely sincere#when him and the bride are trying to reassure nina before she goes to kill the princess-#he A] sounds genuinely earnest B] calls her “kid” and C] waits for her to leave before ruining it lmao#and like. i dont know if he felt paternal or anything but i do think her death is gonna mess him up a little#or maybe theyll all get worse.. i wouldnt be annoyed if they all crash the fuck out together. GI is gonna find out eventually too.#also hes reformed. kinda. in some of his recent comic appearances which makes for a fun dynamic certainly#christ this was a novel im sorry hsajdghkgdah#i dont rly have a satisfying ending i just. Ouagh
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courtillyy · 2 days ago
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projects actually can be fun how about that ?
#astro talks#dude if i had been in ritalin when writing my stranger things fic... my goddd#i literally only finished (after many breaks) bc i had such love for it. like an immense connection to it and just coudlnt let it end badly#but it brought me so much mental pain just to do it. and i ddint understand !!#dude.... yeah.#choosing the icon for the sideblog now :) gonna use one of chilleds emotes#like i dont want to show bias but like pr1 kinda does have him at the center. if not just for a way to explain how theyre all associated#also if i was showing bias i would do speedy lol#its a dinosaur with his hat and a love heart. felt appropriate for a shipping thing#and ill like make the blog pinned page. and start on teh submission form#which ill try to have out tomorrow#and then maybe a week? or two of submissions?#maybe open ended for a bit.#but yeah my dudes this is happening ! hell yeah :)#and i have most of my little degrassi fic done for today#its just kinda vibes and thoughts but that can be ok#and i might have smth up tmr for it. but bc i have changed it to aprox a fic a day#i can skip if needed. we will see :D#hell yeah !#dude being on disability benefits can kinda make u feel like a useless piece of shit to the world#(or at least it has for me at times. but rn. i just feel really good about myself and thats so nice)#god u read about how undiagnosed/unmedicated adhd ruins ppls lives... but like wow#i assumed even if i did have adhd. it woudlnt be that big of a deal. bc i have all my other shit as well. but dude no.#it was so much more debilitating than i could have known#anyways <3 projects yay :)
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aromanticannibal · 2 months ago
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I read the epilogue chapter, and yeah, there is A LOT of misinformation and it's definitely not that bad. My biggest issues with it is that it was framed really poorly, esp on Ochako's storyline, and it's something beyond shipping.
my biggest problem with the ending as a whole has remained pacing, and the lack of some scenes we all assumed would for sure be coming. I think this chapter is overall fine and follows (more or less) the expected route, but how small the entire epilogue was make it stick out weirdly.
#i for one think ochako's storyline could have been handled significantly worse and that for a canonization of a m/f pairing in the last#chapter it's like. largely okay. but again i was predicting “hey kacchan we called our children himiko and tenko will you be my best man”#so like#and maybe im settling? or maybe im just good at and really enjoy filling in the blanks?#there are things i genuinely did not like beyond the pacing but i just dont like shitting on a story i like so much and an author i like so#much like these things dont ruin anything for me and i understand if they do for others but i do actually like the canon we have#(even if im going to be writing a few fix its lmao)#the only thing is i do think katsuki and izuku should've maybe had another talk but thats within the realm of there clearly wasn't enough#time slash space#i think izuku refusing katsuki's place at his agency is like. fine. because its a way to show they're not too codependent or whatever which#fits that whole avoiding drama thing horikoshi said 431 does#in general i think every single choice horikoshi has made could've been received better and in general /been/ better if he had more space t#develop it#and i think the reason why im fine with all of it is because it doesn't bother me to fill in the gaps with whatever i want#ask//#by the way i think everyone should in fact remember that thing about 429 being the epilogue and 430 being the curtain call#not necessarily as a way to see 431 as non canon (if it makes you sleep better tho do that) but as a way to remember that the ending#that is clearly intended to be read as the real ending is 430. what with all the wrap around moments and the final words etc#just. 430 is the ending that is called my hero academia etc. to me 431 is exactly what it's called: more. canon#but not the ending. extras.
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katyspersonal · 1 year ago
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It just will forever baffle me how unfair he has been. He kept constantly blaming me for all that was going wrong in his life, he could get upset to the point of wanting to hurt himself or worse over things as little as me disagreeing with his creative ideas or not wanting to listen to something he wanted to share at the moment, he abandoned his friend he knew for two years because he got interested in me too much to give her enough - and then because he convinced himself she didn't care for him anymore.
And I knew, all along, that I was not right for him. I kept telling him to keep reaching out and seek friends that he'd actually like and actually get along with. I kept insisting that he was doing it to himself by clinging to me where clearly he hated me to the point I could've hurt him by as much as setting up boundaries, having different opinions or having limitations as a human being. I told him that that friend he abandoned still cared for him and he could not just decide FOR her. But over and over, he denied everything and begged me to stay, saying how much he wanted to have future together, how I was like a sister he lost a chance to have, how we were supposed to share life experiences together and how I was the only one that felt "real". I kept sticking around despite the abuse, despite how much he was ruining my mental health and my social life (being abused distances you from even close people), all because I could not stand seeing him so hurt and alone. And the last deceit hurt especially bad, because he made me truly believe him. He said something that made me lose my guard, my focus on the fact that I was just a placeholder in his life until he finds someone fitting.
And just like I kept saying, as soon as he got enough money for good life, his mental health improved upon switching meds or something, he met a new friend and reconnected with that exact one he abandoned earlier - he declared me a dead weight on his life that has only been "killing" him and declared that the almost two years he spent with me were just a bad dream he was happy to finally forget.
I knew all along that the best thing I could do for him was to leave him, but I never did. I should have before he stopped caring for me entirely out of blue, because now he didn't even learn anything. He lost nothing of value in his eyes, just a person that "wasted his time". So what if his current friends """fail""" him again? He'll just seek an outlet in new ones, until they prove "useless" and he'll ditch them too, and so on. Some people just can't appreciate someone's personality, they only value people for what they can give to them. Or.. is it just me? At times I am genuinely annoyed when people tell me I am a valuable person and anyone who can't love and appreciate me is an idiot, because on the contrary, in my life all people that despised me and saw me as a waste of their time the most were all high IQ, very well-read and educated, very sophisticated individuals. Clearly, there is a correlation between being very smart and deeming me as human garbage - in a way jealous haters, hypocritical control freaks and callous ableists I've met online never could.
Honestly, sometimes I should decide for someone else. I always knew he hated me and splitting with me was to the better for him, but I let his tears and clinginess force me to feel bad and go back every time. And to doubt that maybe I was the delusional one and could not be sure of someone else's needs. Honestly, guys - when you are given every single indication that you are hated and only kept around out of their fear of loneliness and low self-esteem... it is all there is. It is not a situation where you should listen to your heart, to hope or to give benefit of the doubt. Being abused is something you can only comprehend with mind and knowledge, there is no bigger story and no intricate matters.
Still, I hate how as painfully stupid and naive for my age as I am, I've been able to understand things way more correctly than a much older, much more mature person with high intellect and tons more of life experience. I was right all along, but I hate being right sometimes. And I hate always being discarded as soon as people's lives improve. I hate always being just a placeholder. Apparently, no one whose life is good would ever want to burden themselves with me.
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