#it is my experience that generally everyone is pushing the limits of what can be done with the meds they can access

[screambirdscreaming]

Look, I get where you're coming from, but I think you've swung too far in the other direction here. NSAIDs and acetaminophen are, in most places as far as I'm aware, the only options available for non-prescription pain medications. They're available without prescription because, if used infrequently and within the recommended dosages, they are relatively safe and low in side effects. HOWEVER. it is very difficult to get a prescription for pain medication, and even if you do, those medications also come with dose limits and side effects. So the bottom line is that many, MANY people are relying on NSAIDs and acetaminophen for the primary management of chronic pain. And in that context, it is absolutely possible to severely hurt yourself. Which I think people absolutely deserve more knowledge and awareness of - even if they find it somewhat alarming.

This is especially true where people are brushed off by doctors to "just use advil" for pain that is quite frankly, too severe and ongoing for advil to safely handle. The dismissive way in which doctors treat NSAIDs gives the impression that they are harmless, and many people are desperate for relief. This leads people to use NSAIDs heavily and without precautions, causing lasting harm to themselves which could have been averted, or at least mitigated, by taking steps towards safer use - like those outlined in the original post. NSAIDs work on several biochemical pathways at once - they reduce inflammation, relax muscles, decrease pain signalling of nerves, and slightly inhibit blood clotting, and they also increase the production of stomach acid and decrease the production of protective mucus lining the stomach. This function is pretty much baked in, there's no way around it. So it's not an issue of "some people's stomachs are sensitive to NSAIDs," it's an issue of "NSAIDs cause some damage directly to the stomach lining every time you take them". It's not very much damage from one dose, and if that's the only dose you take for a while, it'll heal right back up. But if you keep taking them, multiple doses back to back, for days or weeks on end.... the damage starts to add up. Or even if you don't use them that much, but take maybe a dose every day to help with muscle soreness after work... or a couple times a month, for migraines or period cramps.... point is, if the damage to the stomach lining is happening faster than it can heal, you start to get problems - but you probably won't notice anything is wrong until it gets pretty bad.

Being careless until you get a proto-ulcer, or an ulcer, or acid reflux, or a bleeding lesion in the duodenum - is not a great tactic. And I will tell you, pretty much everyone I know who is careful about taking their NSAIDs with food or antacids, has become careful after suffering AT LEAST one of the above. And many people end up, as OP said, unable to take NSAIDs at all, because the chronic damage to the stomach is too easily aggravated. Which is not great! So it's good to get in the habit of safer use, before you find yourself in a situation of heavily using pain meds without realizing they could cause lasting damage! Because the underlying issue is stomach acid causing damage to the stomach lining, you can: - take NSAIDs with food, or after eating, so the food dilutes the stomach acid - take NSAIDs with an antacid, like tums (although avoid aluminum-based antacids with ibuprofen) - take NSAIDs with an H2 blocker, a relatively fast-acting medicine that reduces acid produced by the stomach - take a daily PPI medication, which reduces acid produced by the stomach over the long term

Now, H2 blockers and PPIs are other (non-prescription) medications which have their own potential for side effects and interactions - so do your research if you want to add either of them to your medication regimen. But they can be very helpful, especially for healing up if damage has already been caused. Now all that being said. Acetaminophen is a COMPLETELY different story. And what pushed me to reply to this post was the way you were lumping together information on max dosages, which I think is dangerously misleading, even if the numbers are not technically incorrect. See, the risk with NSAIDs is chronic damage from long-term use, but they are relatively safe drugs in the acute sense. For Ibuprofen in particular - the bottle will tell you not to take more than 400mg at once, but if pressed a doctor will say you can take up to 800mg and it's perfectly safe if you don't make too much of a habit of it, and hypothetically you could even take a much higher dose than that and not die, although you wouldn't have a very good time. So, while it is certainly not recommended to take more than 800mg at once or more than 1600mg a day to avoid long-term consequences.... it happens. Which can perhaps teach a person the wrong lessons about dose safety. The risk with acetaminophen is acute toxicity. If you take too much at once, it causes liver toxicity, and then liver failure, and then death. This process can be stopped, but not reversed, so survival depends strongly on early diagnosis and treatment. You might think that the toxic dose in enough higher than the treatment dose that it'd be difficult to overdose accidentally - but that's not necessarily the case. From a National Institute of Health summary on Acetaminophen toxicity: "Acetaminophen toxicity is the second most common cause of liver transplantation worldwide and the most common cause of liver transplantation in the US. It is responsible for 56,000 emergency department visits, 2,600 hospitalizations, and 500 deaths per year in the United States. Fifty percent of these are unintentional overdoses." Sure, relative to the total population, overdoses aren't *that* common - but if 50% are accidental, I think people need to be better informed. The major issue with acetaminophen is that it is present as an active ingredient in many, many multi-drug medications, which people often don't realize. So an overdose can occur if, for example, a parent who has already given their child a Tylenol to get their fever down also gives them a dose of cough syrup - each alone at the recommended dose, but it adds up. (Children are at a greater risk of overdose on anything, because toxic dosage is relative to body size, and kids are small.)

So yes, acetaminophen is a great drug and relatively safe if you know how much you are taking. Always check the active ingredients on any medicine you take, especially if you're taking multiple things at once. And for acetaminophen especially, don't take more than the recommended dose at once, don't take more than the maximum dose per day, and wait at least 4 hours between doses - even if the effect has worn off. Don't push it!

Every time I see another ibuprofen post on this site I'm like STOP

STOP

Stop.

Take that after a meal. Take it with a big glass of water. Don't take it on an empty stomach EVER. Don't take it with alcohol. You will destroy your stomach. You will end up with an ulcer. You will vomit blood. I'm not exaggerating.

Yes, you. Yes, it will happen to cute little you. With your cute little bottle of miracles. Ibuprofen really does that to your body.

Love, an adult person over 35 who can't take NSAIDs anymore

[brick-van-dyke]

A little ramble about Socialist Alternative, leftist radicalisation and privilege. Mostly a vent of sorts so it's going to be messy.

//TW: mentions of suicidal thoughts, effects of capitalism on mental health and physical health, mentions of systematic abuse and oppression, etc.

"What radicalised you?"

If you're familiar with Australian leftist politics or just been to an Australian university, you've probably heard this line from Socialist Alternative at some point, particularly if you're a young leftist. At first, I personally didn't know how to answer this, but now? Now I do:

That's the wrong question, it's not about what radicalised me, it's about when I realised I wasn't allowed to exist. I think my main distrust of socialist alternative can be drawn here, as much as I respect their activism (as much as I don't like certain other parts of it and the organisation itself because of how it functions and is set up, among other things) and how they've helped the movements around me grow, I don't like their ethics because it always centres on feeling in the right when, honestly, that isn't what this fight was ever about. It's not simply about what pushes people to some realisation that capitalism isn't working, for many of us, it's about realising when we noticed that we were broken clogs that would always be discarded; realising that we wouldn't even live past 30 in a system that sees us as faulty parts and that'll end with us either starving to death or choosing to kill ourselves to have some semblance of control in a system that is so damning that it actively tries to kill us. And no I'm not even exaggerating, especially when it comes to disability and generally most marginalised groups. It's actively hostile to people like us.

This is taking out one strong example for myself here, but I just feel like every interaction has had an undertone of not really understanding the gravity of what's at stake on an individual level. I think, like Marx, they really don't have anything to lose but their chains, but for the rest of us? We have our lives, something I think others just can't quite comprehend here when I say being anti capitalist isn't a political choice, it's a matter of life or death because here just isn't any other option in order to survive. Don't get me wrong, I agree with Marx on many things, but I do think there's a difference between able bodies, white, middle class activism because capitalism is uncomfortable compared to when you're a minority that's doing this to be allowed to exist, and specifically I think there's a powerful element of privilege that's ignored, especially in the case of socialist alternative. Again, I respect their activism, but this dynamic of power and push being from a white, abled and middle to upper class lens (yes there are people who are minorities within the org, but they don't hold power and much say imo) has led to, in my view, a distorted sense of reality and, more pressingly, policy and vision that is about saving the working class rather than making a world where labour isn't a price you have to pay in order to be allowed to exist. It's not just the exploitation of the working class, though that's a huge part of it, it's also how hostile this system is to people who can't be used; who can't work or who are seen as dirty or wrong for trying to.

So when asked "so, what radicalised you?" I can only really think to reply with "when I realised that wanting to die wasn't my fault, but the people around me that convinced me that my lack of ability to produce is somehow my fault and that I somehow don't deserve basic survival". Because that's the reality and I think, at least with the SAlt members I've spoken to, that isn't something that's really understood; the gravity of this situation on a personal level and that it's not as simple as doing something to make yourself feel good or to have a moment of pride, sometimes (or oftentimes) it's literally survival.

Most of all, I think what cements this for me is the reply I get to when I've asked (genuinely and in good faith) about allegations about their internal environment being "toxic" and "cult like" and, as I explained to them, this is from many different people from different friend groups who all don't know each other but have had he same experiences:

"They're just jealous of us and our activism."

But jealous of what? In a fight for survival, none of us have the opportunity to feel jealous over how it's done because this isn't about feeling a bit better, it's about being allowed to exist. I think this really is what made me realise that this isn't about the right to live for them, but the ability to feel good for fighting on the behalf of people like me and my friends. And, to me, that's something to have healthy caution over when pity is how people have tried to control minorities in the past, and in my own personal experience.

[mostlysignssomeportents]

You should be using an RSS reader

On OCTOBER 23 at 7PM, I'll be in DECATUR, GEORGIA, presenting my novel THE BEZZLE at EAGLE EYE BOOKS.

No matter how hard we all wish it were otherwise, the sad fact is that there aren't really individual solutions to systemic problems. For example: your personal diligence in recycling will have no meaningful impact on the climate emergency.

I get it. People write to me all the time, they say, "What can I change about my life to fight enshittification, or, at the very least, to reduce the amount of enshittification that I, personally, experience?"

It's frustrating, but my general answer is, "Join a movement. Get involved with a union, with EFF, with the FSF. Tell your Congressional candidate to defend Lina Khan from billionaire Dem donors who want her fired. Do something systemic."

There's very little you can do as a consumer. You're not going to shop your way out of monopoly capitalism. Now that Amazon has destroyed most of the brick-and-mortar and digital stores out of business, boycotting Amazon often just means doing without. The collective action problem of leaving Twitter or Facebook is so insurmountable that you end up stuck there, with a bunch of people you love and rely on, who all love each other, all hate the platform, but can't agree on a day and time to leave or a destination to leave for and so end up stuck there.

I've been experiencing some challenging stuff in my personal life lately and yesterday, I just found myself unable to deal with my usual podcast fare so I tuned into the videos from the very last XOXO, in search of uplifting fare:

https://www.youtube.com/@xoxofest

I found it. Talks by Dan Olson, Cabel Sasser, Ed Yong and many others, especially Molly White:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MTaeVVAvk-c

Molly's talk was so, so good, but when I got to her call to action, I found myself pulling a bit of a face:

But the platforms do not exist without the people, and there are a lot more of us than there are of them. The platforms have installed themselves in a position of power, but they are also vulnerable…

Are the platforms really that vulnerable? The collective action problem is so hard, the switching costs are so high – maybe the fact that "there's a lot more of us than there are of them" is a bug, not a feature. The more of us there are, the thornier our collective action problem and the higher the switching costs, after all.

And then I had a realization: the conduit through which I experience Molly's excellent work is totally enshittification-proof, and the more I use it, the easier it is for everyone to be less enshittified.

This conduit is anti-lock-in, it works for nearly the whole internet. It is surveillance-resistant, far more accessible than the web or any mobile app interface. It is my secret super-power.

It's RSS.

RSS (one of those ancient internet acronyms with multiple definitions, including, but not limited to, "Really Simple Syndication") is an invisible, automatic way for internet-connected systems to public "feeds." For example, rather than reloading the Wired homepage every day and trying to figure out which stories are new (their layout makes this very hard to do!), you can just sign up for Wired's RSS feed, and use an RSS reader to monitor the site and preview new stories the moment they're published. Wired pushes about 600 words from each article into that feed, stripped of the usual stuff that makes Wired nearly impossible to read: no 20-second delay subscription pop-up, text in a font and size of your choosing. You can follow Wired's feed without any cookies, and Wired gets no information about which of its stories you read. Wired doesn't even get to know that you're monitoring its feed.

I don't mean to pick on Wired here. This goes for every news source I follow – from CNN to the New York Times. But RSS isn't just good for the news! It's good for everything. Your friends' blogs? Every blogging platform emits an RSS feed by default. You can follow every one of them in your reader.

Not just blogs. Do you follow a bunch of substackers or other newsletters? They've all got RSS feeds. You can read those newsletters without ever registering in the analytics of the platforms that host them. The text shows up in black and white (not the sadistic, 8-point, 80% grey-on-white type these things all default to). It is always delivered, without any risk of your email provider misclassifying an update as spam:

https://pluralistic.net/2021/10/10/dead-letters/

Did you know that, by default, your email sends information to mailing list platforms about your reading activity? The platform gets to know if you opened the message, and often how far along you've read in it. On top of that, they get all the private information your browser or app leaks about you, including your location. This is unbelievably gross, and you get to bypass all of it, just by reading in RSS.

Are your friends too pithy for a newsletter, preferring to quip on social media? Unfortunately, it's pretty hard to get an RSS feed from Insta/FB/Twitter, but all those new ones that have popped up? They all have feeds. You can follow any Mastodon account (which means you can follow any Threads account) via RSS. Same for Bluesky. That also goes for older platforms, like Tumblr and Medium. There's RSS for Hacker News, and there's a sub-feed for the comments on every story. You can get RSS feeds for the Fedex, UPS and USPS parcels you're awaiting, too.

Your local politician's website probably has an RSS feed. Ditto your state and national reps. There's an RSS feed for each federal agency (the FCC has a great blog!).

Your RSS reader lets you put all these feeds into folders if you want. You can even create automatic folders, based on keywords, or even things like "infrequently updated sites" (I follow a bunch of people via RSS who only update a couple times per year – cough, Danny O'Brien, cough – and never miss a post).

Your RSS reader doesn't (necessarily) have an algorithm. By default, you'll get everything as it appears, in reverse-chronological order.

Does that remind you of anything? Right: this is how social media used to work, before it was enshittified. You can single-handedly disenshittify your experience of virtually the entire web, just by switching to RSS, traveling back in time to the days when Facebook and Twitter were more interested in showing you the things you asked to see, rather than the ads and boosted content someone else would pay to cram into your eyeballs.

Now, you sign up to so many feeds that you're feeling overwhelmed and you want an algorithm to prioritize posts – or recommend content. Lots of RSS readers have some kind of algorithm and recommendation system (I use News, which offers both, though I don't use them – I like the glorious higgeldy-piggeldy of the undifferentiated firehose feed).

But you control the algorithm, you control the recommendations. And if a new RSS reader pops up with an algorithm you're dying to try, you can export all the feeds you follow with a single click, which will generate an OPML file. Then, with one click, you can import that OPML file into any other RSS reader in existence and all your feeds will be seamlessly migrated there. You can delete your old account, or you can even use different readers for different purposes.

You can access RSS in a browser or in an app on your phone (most RSS readers have an app), and they'll sync up, so a story you mark to read later on your phone will be waiting for you the next time you load up your reader in a browser tab, and you won't see the same stories twice (unless you want to, in which case you can mark them as unread).

RSS basically works like social media should work. Using RSS is a chance to visit a utopian future in which the platforms have no power, and all power is vested in publishers, who get to decide what to publish, and in readers, who have total control over what they read and how, without leaking any personal information through the simple act of reading.

And here's the best part: every time you use RSS, you bring that world closer into being! The collective action problem that the publishers and friends and politicians and businesses you care about is caused by the fact that everyone they want to reach is on a platform, so if they leave the platform, they'll lose that community. But the more people who use RSS to follow them, the less they'll depend on the platform.

Unlike those largely useless, performative boycotts of widely used platforms, switching to RSS doesn't require that you give anything up. Not only does switching to RSS let you continue to follow all the newsletters, webpages and social media accounts you're following now, it makes doing so better: more private, more accessible, and less enshittified.

Switching to RSS lets you experience just the good parts of the enshitternet, but that experience is delivered in manner that the new, good internet we're all dying for.

My own newsletter is delivered in fulltext via RSS. If you're reading this as a Mastodon or Twitter thread, on Tumblr or on Medium, or via email, you can get it by RSS instead:

https://pluralistic.net/feed/

Don't worry about which RSS reader you start with. It literally doesn't matter. Remember, you can switch readers with two clicks and take all the feeds you've subscribed to with you! If you want a recommendation, I have nothing but praise for Newsblur, which I've been paying $2/month for since 2011 (!):

https://newsblur.com/

Subscribing to feeds is super-easy, too: the links for RSS feeds are invisibly embedded in web-pages. Just paste the URL of a web-page into your RSS reader's "add feed" box and it'll automagically figure out where the feed lives and add it to your subscriptions.

It's still true that the new, good internet will require a movement to overcome the collective action problems and the legal barriers to disenshittifying things. Almost nothing you do as an individual is going to make a difference.

But using RSS will! Using RSS to follow the stuff that matters to you will have an immediate, profoundly beneficial impact on your own digital life – and it will appreciably, irreversibly nudge the whole internet towards a better state.

Tor Books as just published two new, free LITTLE BROTHER stories: VIGILANT, about creepy surveillance in distance education; and SPILL, about oil pipelines and indigenous landback.

If you'd like an essay-formatted version of this post to read or share, here's a link to it on pluralistic.net, my surveillance-free, ad-free, tracker-free blog:

https://pluralistic.net/2024/10/16/keep-it-really-simple-stupid/#read-receipts-are-you-kidding-me-seriously-fuck-that-noise

[justin-chapmanswers]

you set twitter on fire with pronouns howd you do that

Uhhhhh yeah so. I've been glancing here and there to all of that. For context, people noticed a pronoun adjustment on my Twitter page, yadda yadda, and started making posts about it. Then those posts started getting heat for a variety of reasons. Some that seemed to some to be using misgendering for humor (via meme), some that are pushing against parasociality, some that generally think that spectacle with this stuff should be avoided since I didn't even make a post about it or anything. Etc.

And uh. Ya'know. I vibe with a lotta that.

But tbh while I'm not really one to enjoy spotlight, idk, I don't mind people just generally bringing that stuff up and noting it. If it makes people feel good to see someone they can relate to, sure why not. The only thing that actively concerns me is seeing people argue or attack as a result of me. Let's just keep things chill if we cannn. I feel like everyone that's posted on the subject is all on the same side. None of us are here pushing for the limitation or elimination of lgbtqia people and experiences. That's the kind of thing always worth pushing back against. But I just hope to see everyone in this community vibing and letting joy flow.

When we were working on S3E9 and the writing team was trying to break down the initial story conceit where Goo would initially be a little weirded-out and confused after Bot revealed themself to a non-Bow robot, I was the one who pitched "hey how about we flip the story around to exemplify something a little more specific that also shines a more positive light on Bot and Goo's relationship? How about trying an angle where Goo is characteristically hyper-positive about what they've learned about Bot, but the conflict comes from the intensity and spectacle Goo comes at it with? Then Bot may be uncomfortable, but understands it comes from a good place?" -- I was excited to see that it was the direction the episode ended up going in, both because it felt appropriately lighter, and it felt personal. Making changes in how you present and want to be perceived can be so difficult, and that comes with such a deep well of complicated feelings. But all this to say, yeah I sometimes feel overwhelmed being perceived in online spaces, but even with that in mind, I'd still rather see silliness and celebration than conflict. But that's just meeeee.

Be good to yourselves, be good to each other. I am not mad at anyone. Best wishes. :)

EDIT: Do appreciate all people out there posting for the purpose of defending me. I don't wanna downplay the fact that y'all care, it means a lot. Just figure best to not fan any more flames. All's okay.

[honeytonedhottie]

how to isolate and grow⋆.ೃ࿔*:･💶

quick disclaimer : when i say "isolate" i dont mean the negative connotation of self isolation where you push everyone away, i mean the laying back and rly focusing and tapping into urself BY yourself.

accessibility : limit people's accessibility to you, or narrow down how many people you allow to access you. ur energy is SACRED ur time is a privilege. its important that ur no longer looking for outlets in people.

during this time of stepping back and being super picky with how and who u spend ur time with its the perfect opportunity to separate urself from the toxicity that some people in ur life might bring. in that same breath, its easier said for friends then it is for family members because when u think isolation ur probably thinking of being a home-body which is a part of it. but if ur home is whats making u sick then try and spend time AWAY of the home to do whatever u need to do.

self awareness and responsibility : take a moment and be truly objective with urself. practice having the difficult conversations with urself. u know ur goals, but are u the person that can have those goals? and if not, how can u get to become that person.

this is also the time to address things that you've been sweeping under the rug. address anything thats starting to become a problem and address bigger problems in ur life. we wanna be able to take responsibility for ourselves and PROBLEM SOLVE. be super clear on what u wanna focus on during ur self isolation period and WHY you are choosing to do this.

find a mentor : find someone who resonates with you, whether it be online or in person, who is living the life that YOU wanna live or living a life similar to one that u wanna live. u dont have to have just one mentor, it can be multiple mentors for different aspects of ur life that u wanna improve. ur mentors dont even need to know you honestly, just someone u look up to

detox ur brain : mental diet. mindset is EVERYTHING as you know if you've been consuming my content lately. everything and i mean EVERYTHING begins in the brain. the thoughts that u think today will be what u experience tomorrow. speak to urself nicely, throw away old thoughts that dont align with ur dreams and replace them with positive ones thru repetition, fixed attention and practice

do brain dumps before u go to bed, its good to get out all of the thoughts in ur head before u go to sleep, out of ur brain and onto a piece of paper or something else in general. it doesn't have to be in a negative connotation either, write down ideas that pass thru ur head, goals, inspirations etc.

clean out : anything that u tend to cling to, whether its devices, drugs, drinking etc. practice fasting from it. it doesn't have to be extreme, just taking a break from it REGULARLY will improve it so much. an analogy i like to use for gradual change like this is with a rubber band. if u stretch the rubber band as far as it can go too quickly then it'll break, however if u gradually stretch the rubber band little by little, you can stretch it super far and it won't break.

experimentation : while ur self isolating this is the perfect opportunity to experiment with ur physical. dye ur hair a color that you've always been wanting it to. grow ur hair a couple inches, take extra good care of ur skin, experiment with different clothing styles. become ur own MUSE.

with that being said i wish everyone luck and blessings as you isolate and grow 🫶🏽

[myrquez]

In Motogp there’s so much money involved, performance anxiety dominates and builds up barriers. Everyone retreats into their own pack, nothing is done together anymore. And I just adapt to it, according to the theory that it’s better to be alone than to be in a group full of fake smiles. But relationships among athletes aren’t only the ones made via some direct, classic form of communication. In sport you can actually enter into communication with someone through other ways that are more mediated but, in some cases, even more profound. With Márquez, for example, we aren’t technically friends. We think highly of each other, we respect each other, we smile to each other when one sees the other one, over the past year he’s been very fair to me, often defining me as an ideal opponent. I think it’s because he knows that I can race him very hard, but always within the rules. Which is, even if for many may not seem like it, exactly the same thing he always did while racing against me. Marc may look crazy, but he actually stands out from clichés and defies physics laws in good conscience. Unlike other riders — those reckless ones with no sense of limit, who after a crash often say “I don’t know why I crashed” — Márquez knows very well why he crashes. He often precisely crashes on purpose, just to explore that limit. He does some experiments first, then goes on to elaborate his theory. In a way, he’s an empiricist exactly like my dad was, when he purposely kept taking more and more steps forward on the track to teach me how and where to brake. It’s just that in this case, it’s the rider that does it. I like Marc. And I interpreted our famous duels in 2017 as a means to get to know each other better. In Austria and Japan we indeed were extreme, but not crazy. Adventures-seekers who like to push themselves to the limit, but not insane and neither unfair to each other […] Deep down, he isn’t irresponsible, even if he often looks for some maneuvers that have no rhyme or reason. Theoretically, and practically, they don’t make any sense. Yet I never get angry about it, not even that time in Zeltweg when it looked like I told him to fuck off. It surprises me, instead, to see what he tried to do to get a win, something like “I can’t believe it”, an amazed curiosity to see how he tried to move into this uncharted territory, the same one where, thanks to him, I consequently went into as the well. And it’s so cool. As if we both dug together a whole new vein of gold: we won’t share the prize, of course, because to keep the gold is my goal, but we still dug through it together as if we were pioneers. And this indeed does create a bond, whatever is it.

And it’s even more incredible because I exactly know what Marc is going to do in that last turn in Zeltweg. Theoretically, he doesn’t have any more weapons to attack me: at this point his Honda has less traction, worn-out tyres, less power; generally speaking, Honda is less suited to this track than Ducati. And yet he got this far, in the end […] I well know that to have Marc right behind you while going through the last corner is way too much of a problem, the worst thing it could happen to you: he’s going to try it anyway anywhere. So I’ll be there, waiting for him […] Even if we’re going at 200 km/h, I can feel upon my skin how meters get marked bit by bit. One after another. I force myself to focus on his engine’s sound to understand when and where he will attack. And when the noise is there, almost unbearable, I brake hard and leave him a bit of space on the inside line, to force him to exaggerate a bit and then overtake him in acceleration. It’s almost as if I just accepted his invite, just to deceive him later. It might look like it’s just a technical challenge, or a stunt one, but it’s actually about mind games, an hand in glove tied relationship in which our minds get connected. As in bull and bullfighter kind of way. Or, in a I know that you know that I know kind of way. To get a win in this way is a much more difficult thing to achieve, but it is much more cooler as well. When Marc gets on the inside Iine I just know that I made it, because he’s a champion, but he cannot overcome the laws of psychic. My plan gets fulfilled and the dissolving noise of his bike as he goes wide resonates with liberation. That’s when I make that gesture, automatically. Fuck off, you just got played! Real subtitle is: what did you make me do, you bastard? It’s my third win this year. It’s now clear that I am the one challenging Márquez for the title. But to me this doesn’t matter. Like it doesn’t matter that much how I just won against the one who is recognized as the hand-to-hand duels master […] What matters most is that this race has been a way to get to know each other better. Márquez, with his usual Joker smile, confesses that if he hadn’t tried to surpass me he wouldn’t have slept at all that night. That’s what perfectly defines what he is: as long as he is breathing, he will try to pass you even if he had to go through a wall.

In Motegi it isn’t that different. Here, as well, Márquez is struggling a bit more than me, but I am sure he is going to try it in the last corner. Why shouldn’t he? We’ve been “beating” each other as if there was no tomorrow for the last six laps, in some apocalyptic conditions: heavy rain, curling-like grip, no visibility at all […] Ten minutes ago I wouldn’t have thought we’d get to this point, but as soon as Márquez did a little mistake I got back on track and now we’re here, us again. Ehi, Marc, how are you doing? Our connection in Zeltweg has been restored on the other side of the world. It’s now clear that everything that is going to happen now would not be possible without the other’s collaboration. Like two alpinists in a rope team, we will get ‘till the last meter together. We overtake and we get overtaken. We give and we take. We sting like bees, fly like butterflies, and more than anything we hit like blacksmiths. At Turn 10, I change my trajectory: I’ve been studying Marc for quite a lot from behind and now I imitate him, going a bit wider. This allows me to get into Turn 11 very fast, ready for my strong suit: braking. That’s how I easily overtake him. The Ducati is very stable, everything is under control. I’d be sure to get a win at that point but an alarm goes off in my mind: I won’t give it to you this easily. Exactly. Last corner is on the right. Giving my position it’s obvious that there isn’t any physical space to get on the inside, but imagine if he does really give a damn. When I’m about to lean into the Turn, Marc abruptly arrives out of nowhere as gracefully as Hulk in a china shop. It’s not even a dirty try, more like a circus number: his engine’s noise getting closer echoes into my helmet like the drum rolls that comes just before a trapeze artist jumps. Ladies and gentlemen, Marc Márquez! Where the fuck do you want to go? You’re still sitting straight, I’m already leaning: don’t you see that we’re touching? I don’t know how, but I keep the bike in control. I suspend my maneuver for a millisecond, just enough to let him slide on the outside as I go on riding through the apex. At that point he’s way too wide, he pulls half of a miracle by leaning all on the right to keep his bike on track but has no margin for anything else. Farewell, bye, goodbye. I win today. Again. After the finish line, we stop near the track side by side. Our gloves touch. Contact. Knowledge of the other has deepened. Relationship was preserved. Despite everything, no one cut the rope and we got to the mountaintop together. It’s an awesome feeling. That’s exactly the sport that I would always like. Especially because I won. On TV I eventually admit that to win against Márquez in what he does best really excites me: this is the boost that I need for the climb to the championship, at only 11 points from the lead. Marc showers me with compliments and says that it’s awesome to battle with me for the title, the living proof that professionalism and hard work pay off. He calls me a good guy as well, and I forgive him. Actually, no. Why should I be ashamed [of being a good guy]? To pretend to be a bad guy is something that everybody can do. To actually be one when it’s needed, and to do it with a certain style, it’s something for the few.

— andrea dovizioso talking about his relationship and his duels with marc márquez in asfalto (2018)

[globlingoober]

Jimmy is a very well written terrible abuser character. He really has no redemption and his thought process being “I’m the captain I’m the best I’m in charge” vs “I’m terrible and everyone knows it” is so interesting because that’s the thought process that creates many bad people with abusive behaviors.

All of the characters are well written I think because the game really relies on the key technique of show don’t tell which is the number one rule that takes place in good media. Especially a phycological horror. That’s from a general media fan’s standpoint anyway.

Stuck in space is such a good troupe I’m in awe that the game took that and made it terrifying like a proper phycological horror by having all the real threats human made while making the player feel insane and questioning what’s real. such as “are there real monsters on this ship?” And the answer is yes but the monster isn’t the visions of creatures it’s the abuser’s mind whom others let fester and evolve into thinking his actions were excusable therefore making them devolve into more bad extreme actions.

Playing from said abuser’s point of view gives the player connection to him and start the game with an almost defensive mindset up until they have to face the realization they are the problem and do everything they can to disconnect from Jimmy something they cannot escape from without turning off the whole game and just ignoring those actions. You have to face it. And as well as that mentality Jimmy has is portrayed we really only see his and some of curly’s perspective (two of the main causes of both the abuse and the crash) playing Curly makes seeing him dehumanized later on far more difficult as your forced to shove meds down his throat.

Anya, Swansea, and Daisuke are pov’s we never see and there could be several reasons for that and I find that so interesting. But we are not the victim in this game. As much as we hate to face it Jimmy is the main character and the main story is his and Curly’s experience. Because you play them you can’t ever completely be the victim. If “your worst moment” really “doesn’t make you a monster” then many repeating worst moments do. You can’t just say sorry you have to improve and change. Sorry is just another word.

You have to “take responsibility” for what you’ve done while still being limited to the actual actions Jimmy takes. Despite however you feel about it you still pushed the buttons. You still played out those actions. The game forces you to face it putting the player in the most humanly uncomfortable and uncommon position of all, the abuser. Many times in our lives will we be forced to tread the thin line of taking responsibility and wrongly placing blame (on ourselves or others) while of course our situations may never be as severe as the situations presented the game warns you of the consequences of- NOT your choices but the responses to those actions. It’s a big test of how the player responds to the characters actions that they contributed to.

I adore that the idea was to make the player face their own pain and hurt. That’s passionate. People relate to the crews cast plenty but the scariest part of this horror game is relating to the perpetrator!!!

“like you ARE the abuser. You have to realize that abusers are just people. People you thought were good before. They could be anyone they are some evil 3rd force. It could literally even be you” -My friend @willowwhirll

Feel bad. feel guilt. but manage that guilt. Don’t let guilt make you worse, use it to change your actions. As badly as I, the player, and the audience want to disconnect from Jimmy being able to find traits to connect to allows you to acknowledge you can and sometimes are a bad person. It’s a fluctuating thing.

Horror that teaches you a lesson. Fricken beautiful.

[eepyfaggoth]

Job Opportunity in Boston

Hello! I'm a multiply disabled medically complex wheelchair user in greater boston who relies on caregivers and i am hiring! No experience necessary, just be resourceful, patient, covid cautious, dependable, and an enthusiastic learner. Especially looking for other fat people! Hoping for someone who drives but I am accessible via the T.

Turning to tumblr as a bit of a hail mary because i am having a really hard time finding someone who can do the job, show up, and also be normal to me as a fat disabled queer through local channels, and i have one worker now who comes as often as they can, but ive been without adequate support for a while. i would appreciate anyone and everyone who reblogs, to possibly get this in the eyes of someone who might be a good fit! welcoming advice as well!

I have the sweetest esa cat

Pay is 19$ an hour funded by masshealth, i have 30-35 hours available and you can work as many or as few of those as you want

Im still very much trying to figure out life with my disability and how to function and organize and communicate my needs and navigating what I'm emotionally able to accept help with, but in general I need help with housework, cooking, managing my medical care, pushing me in my manual wheelchair, sometimes help using a slide board, and I'm still trying to figure out what things look like on a daily basis. going places with or for me. helping me get in the car, helping me pack a backpack if i need to go somewhere. getting mail, helping clean and pick things up off the floor, organizing medical appointments, making phone calls, unpacking medical equipment. emptying a pee jar. Helping me manage/charge medical equipment. I have a hard time lifting my arms a lot because of really bad neck issues, and i have really limited stamina. Putting drinks in smaller bottles, taking packaging off things. I also kind of need help with dressing and bathing sometimes but I have a really hard time coping with that and so like. That happens when it happens and is what it is. I have some systems for washing my hair without actually getting in the shower. I have variable conditions so things might not be the same all the time, on a good day I might be able to sit up for a while and do tasks, on a bad day it's very hard to bring a drink to my lips.

There's no physically lifting my entire body, but I do need someone who can lift the 50lb largest piece of one my wheelchairs and standard everyday heavy stuff like groceries or boxes of protein shakes. And sometimes my limbs. There's also likely things like reaching and stooping, alas, I drop a lot of things on the floor. I have a lot of allergies and some tasks are more complicated than they otherwise might be, and Im really hoping to find someone who can pay attention to detail and is comfortable working through things slowly.

i have a lot of allergies so memory and attention to detail are important, as is a willingness to wash hands frequently. i have a disorder called mast cell activation syndrome and frankly the precautions i need to take feel absurd

covid precautions:

Masks required! I'm hoping to find someone who also takes other precautions.I also need someone to be careful about monitoring yourself and not coming in if you are sick with *anything* because I *will* get it and it *will* be a multiple week ordeal where I likely experience dangerous symptoms. must be able to test weekly and mask with a k/n95 while around me. ideally be someone who lives low risk (masks everywhere, doesnt attend crowded events / spaces, etc). cannot be someone with a high risk lifestyle (has kids in primary school, unmasked in food service areas regularly, etc) we can talk about my precautions too, right now i havent left my house in weeks, i have two way masking with my current pca, and occasionally an unmasked delivery person will come into my apartment though id like to work on solutions to this. i need to like. revamp my precautions. but i dont go anywhere without a mask, i only have unmasked contact with another person if someone comes into my apartment and i cant get to my mask, i am eating while my pca is here and they are masked, or when my also homebound and careful partner is visiting. if someone was working for me more than 25 hours a week and lived a very low risk life i might be open to having a bubble with them during non surge times with precautions like air filters?

i really try to create a calm and positive work environment, though i have complex and real needs and i've been struggling to survive for a long time and i am very overwhelmed. i care deeply about a humanizing workplace, and i am looking for someone who will care enough about my needs as a human being to take the job seriously even though i am as flexible as possible.

About me, in case that helps?

Fat genderfluid dyke. I'm on my third medical leave from college (like a champ!) but I study medical anthropology, disability studies, and linguistics. I don't get out much or do a lot right now because of my illness but i like fiber arts, music, I don't do tons because I spend most of my time in bed but im really passionate about mutual aid, it's been a a minute but I've been wanting to get back into d&d, I think the magicians is the greatest work of television ever written, and I've been trained as a clown and want to try stand up (well, sit down) comedy at some point. I'm a bit neurotic but very self aware. trying to sort out anticonsumerism in the context of my disability. i value creativity, resourcefulness, autonomy, and consent.

(if this went like really well, i am also potentially looking to apply for housing assistance with accommodation for a room for a live in aid, but probably in western mass. idk)

Gwen :) he/they

Message for details

[mrmistakemakeroywg]

how i see "The helper" episode . (i have diagnosed adhd and autism fyi: everyone is different so take what i say with that context <3 not all autistic people are like me so please understand this is more based on my experience personally)

Really weird post i know but hear me out. When i watch "The helper " i immediatly think about having meltdowns as a little kid or just any age in general wether online or irl.

^ Like if you`re looking at it like i am, you can understand why id say it feels like hes having a meltdown / breakdown because something that makes sense to him most of the time, now makes no sense at all to him / freaks him out |

| (Being unable to help people because they do not need his help which he is not used to , thus making him react way worse then most people would sense it is something very special to him Like how people will have specific special intrests or hyperfixations etc) personally i freak out and get meltdowns when my pc is broken or needs fixed and i cannot draw whatsoever for long peroids of time. )

and how you / i would immediatly feel ashamed , nervous and guilty afterwards , or just generally exhausted or depending on the person feel like a burden on the people around you.

(also for this next part yes i know this is implied to be sylvia`s idea but it still makes me wanna tear up because it hits home way too hard) and other people will immediatly treat you as a "trouble maker" that has to be dealt with , punished or pushed aside even tho its something you cant help and sometimes cant even understand .

the dialogue espeically is a gut punch for me.

"ohh.. So this is the guy you want out of town "

" i get it " he`s hurt , and ashamed of himself. and its probably a stretch but i feel like this has happened before because of how he says " i get it . " then he tries to turn it into a positive as per usual to his character writing , thats how much he loves helping people.

its his special intrest / hyperfixation <3333 so of course he can try to turn it into something fun . and the rest of the episode goes on as he Does what they asked him to. and they immediately reward him for throwing himself out of their way .

(this genuinely makes me so mad i`m sorry fuck those towns people man you could`ve just talked to him instead GRAHHHH) and how he gets super happy after FINALLY pleasing them.

hes so silly :33

also this last bit makes me angry a little

"son"

"thanks" ( im going to eat your soul stfu /halfjoke )

"happy i could help!! "

"that makes two of us " (BONUS) ALSO I WANT TO MENTION the scene where he tries to " stop " lord hater. I feel like this is him being pushed to his absolute limit to a point he tried to do something very out of character just for the comfort and relief of "doing something good" like hes reverting to the basics of "being a good guy " just to get that comfort of helping someone again.

it reminds me of that Version of himself in "the wanders" where the piece of himself that holds his trauma / what made him want to help everyone is still not inside of him yet, and he goes on a rant about how he is going to stop lord hater

"wander are you okay ?? " "im MORE then okay "

"IMMMM PERFECT !"

"Now come trusty steed , its time to stop that HEARTLESS evil doer LORD HATER ONCE AND FOR ALL !! "

"wait what-" "stop ?"

"YES! i am a good guy , and he is a bad guy. " "AND I STOP HIM ! "

------------------- HELPPPPP.... seriously tho sorry for the long rant about this episode but it genuinely hit home so hard that i have cried multipule times unironicly because of it. Reminder that im veiwing this through my own experience of growing up on the spectrum (adhd + autism specifically) not everyone on the spectrum will be the same as me when it comes to this episode. I had to get this out of my system because it was eating at my brain sorry yall 💔💔💔

if i made any typos or worded anything weird its becuase its harder for me to write long posts plus as of writing its 01:17 on my computor clock.

[siriusblack-the-third]

Sirius Black: Hobbies and Interests

The second part of The Sirius Black Headcanons Series! Here, I explore what he would have loved to do, and I hope you enjoy reading these!

Prev

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Loves flying, and is outstanding at it. Does not play Quidditch, but he does play air polo— polo on flying horses, or brooms if horses are not available. He does not care which one as long as he gets to play the sport. He also did competitive broom racing in school, and won a lot of trophies because he was just so bloody good at it. When James' mother gifted him a muggle bike for his 18th birthday, he enchants it to fly, and goes for a ride at least thrice a week. (James tried once to get Sirius to play Quidditch, but ended up getting roped into air polo himself.)

Competitive Duelling before he graduated Hogwarts and joined the Order. He participated everywhere— open circuits, a lot of closed competitions, and invite-only events— all over Europe and the Americas. Generally he was out of Hogwarts twice a month for two to three days, and he won a lot of them. He is an excellent duellist and everyone knows it; he won the U-19 Europe Open at the age of fourteen, a tournament that had over 2000 participants.

Playing the violin. It is the one thing apart from Duelling that his mother didn't force onto him as a child— he asked for classes of his own volition after seeing his grandmother Melanie play a truly beautiful tune when putting baby Regulus to sleep. He was naturally talented, and he practiced for years and years, and even after his tutor declared his education complete, he practised for at least 20 minutes every day. He played for himself rather than performing, and especially he played to put baby Harry to sleep, so much so that Harry would refuse to sleep if Sirius was not there.

Reads everything he can get his hands on. Everything. He prefers the genres of mystery, thriller, murder, historical and political fiction and mythologies of different religions. He and James devour books like they breathe air, both of them possessing excellent memory and being able to recall everything almost perfectly after only one read. Reading is a hobby he got from his father; they used to spend a lot of time together in the Black family library, debating topics ranging from Academics to Practical Magic to Ancient Philosophy to Current Affairs.

He enjoys spellcrafting a lot. Most of the pranks the Marauders play are planned with the spells that Sirius and James create. It is a little... illegal to experiment, but honestly he does not care. There are loopholes in those laws, and he knows them— he has read his father's law books. As long as nobody is adversely affected by his experimentation, and he sticks to a few ground rules, he should be fine. Besides, all his inventions came in handy when he was messing around with his motorbike.

Pranking. Do we even need to expand on this? Sirius is a genius, and he gets bored easily. Classwork is too easy for him, so he sets his sights on something interesting; the practical aspects of magic. Pranking, for him and James, is not just about taking the piss out of someone; it is about pushing the limits of magic, about accomplishing feats in magic people tell them are extremely difficult. It is about figuring out what magic can do if the limits of imagination are pushed. For the two of them, pranking is a giant experiment on the practicality, uses and effects of magic. They research, they read theses, textbooks, dissertations, encyclopaedias, they take notes and attend the higher year classes, and then they apply their knowledge to creative magical pranking.

.

Do not tag w*lfst*r, do not argue with me in the notes, and if you don't agree with my HCs you can scroll past, please and thank you.

[whumpinggrounds]

Writing Wheelchair Users

Hello hello hello it’s another Disability Writing Guide from me! As always, this is a general guide gleaned from my personal experience of working with, taking classes on, researching, and having friends in disabled communities. This is writing advice, not a primer on disability justice (although I’m always happy to talk about disability justice).

Okay. Disclaimer over. Onto the writing advice.

Different Types of Wheelchairs

Before you write a character that uses a wheelchair, you need to know why they need the chair. Different disabilities mean different types of chairs. Some questions to get you thinking -

Manual chairs: Are they temporarily disabled, or is this long-term? Is the chair for indoor and outdoor use? What different types of terrain will the chair need to navigate? Is the person active and able to move themselves, or would someone else be pushing the chair? What kind of postural support does this person need? Can they transfer themselves in and out of the chair?

This guide is helpful for figuring out some of the options that are available and why a person might need them. Please do the research to ensure the type of chair you pick makes sense for the disability you’re writing about. Do not pick a chair based on aesthetics, or avoid a chair because some of the functions seem complicated.

Power wheelchairs: Many of the same questions apply about posture, indoor/outdoor use, and types of terrain. Ability to move oneself does not apply, nor does temporary disability or transferring ability.

How is the chair steered? If someone doesn’t have strong fingers, joysticks can be ultra sensitive. I’ve seen a chair that someone steered with her head, and have heard of chairs that are steered by tongues. Just because someone has very limited mobility doesn’t mean they can’t be independently mobile to some extent.

If the character does a lot of work with their hands, it may make sense for the chair to have a tray for them to work on. This is more common in power chairs than in manual chairs.

Not a question, but power wheelchairs generally have a top speed between 5-10 mph, with the average on the lower end of that scale. Sometimes they can be made to go faster, but that’s generally not useful for the person using the chair, and can damage the chair itself. Before you make your character’s wheelchair insanely powerful and fast, please think about if that makes sense for your setting, your character, and their disability. It’s fun, but it’s pretty unrealistic, and wheelchair users hear enough jokes about them “running people over.”

I know there are fancy wheelchairs out there that like, go up and down stairs. These are unreasonably expensive and never really work the way they say they do. If you want your character to be realistic, be extremely cautious about them having the latest and greatest mobility tech.

All wheelchairs are expensive. That being said, power wheelchairs are much more expensive. The more features it has, the newer it is, and the more customized to a person’s needs, the more expensive it will be.

Wheelchair Etiquette

I think I get a lot more disability stuff on my social media because I talk and think and read about it more, so I’m going to start with the very basics. I apologize if it’s repetitive or I’m being unnecessarily detailed!

Do not lean on a person’s chair. Do not have other characters lean on a character’s chair. If they are close friends, maybe, but generally speaking, a wheelchair should be treated as an extension of someone’s body - because it is. So no leaning, sitting on, or pushing it without being explicitly asked.

Also, of course, people who use wheelchairs have fun just like everyone else. Some people do let others ride on the backs of their chairs, or try stupid things just to see what happens. A character’s willingness to do this should be consistent with their personality, and the fact that their chair is likely a very expensive and medically necessary piece of mobility equipment.

Do not use a wheelchair outside its intended purpose. See the above points - it’s an extension of someone’s body, it’s expensive, and it represents someone’s mobility and independence. Shouldn’t be used for moving things or other people. Again, there can be exceptions to this.

Do not refer to someone by their mobility aid. Some people are fine being referred to as wheelchair users. Others prefer “person who uses a wheelchair.” Do not ever call someone “wheelchair guy,” “wheelchair woman,” or “wheelchair person.” A wheelchair is something you use. It is not what you are.

People customize their wheelchairs in a lot of ways. Obvious ways are stickers, colors, ribbons, etc, but customization can also be a tote bag with necessities hanging off the back, a particular cushion, or blanket.

Do not move someone else’s wheelchair without their permission. Firstly, no one should even touch a wheelchair without permission. Secondly, moving a wheelchair means its owner may not be able to find it or transfer into it when the time comes. Last, many people don’t like to be separated from their chair, or to have it leave their sight. It’s an extension of their body. They don’t want it disappearing somewhere they can’t follow.

Treat wheelchairs with care. This underlies everything I’ve written, but it’s worth saying explicitly. In my opinion, it would be unrealistic to have a wheelchair user and/or their friends be careless or reckless with their mobility equipment. Once again - it is expensive, it is their mobility, and it can take a long time to replace or fix.

This ties into the above point, but not all wheelchairs are created equal. They are not interchangeable. Their functions are usually tailored as much as possible to the person that uses them, and that makes a big difference in someone’s comfort, mobility, and independence.

Do not talk down to wheelchair users. This has several meanings. The first is to not be condescending, ever. The second is that some wheelchair users prefer that able-bodied people crouch or sit to speak to them, so they’re at a more equivalent level. Others find this condescending, so proceed with caution and when in doubt, ask. Do not bend over to speak to someone, or tower over them, forcing them to crane their neck. Both of these are always considered poor form.

Wheelchair users do not need, and often do not want, to share their diagnoses. If this character is a major part of your story, their diagnosis and its particulars will affect much of what they do, so please have a specific diagnosis in mind. If they’re a smaller character, or speaking to another character, they may not discuss the particulars of their life or diagnosis, and that’s okay. No one needs to explain their disability, visible or invisible.

Do not use the word cr*pple. Some wheelchair users may use it to describe themselves, especially to other disabled people. As an abled person myself, I would not presume to use that word and I would recommend others do not either.

People are not “wheelchair bound” or “confined to a wheelchair.” People tend to really appreciate the freedom and increased mobility that their wheelchair provides.

Other Considerations

People who don’t have mobility in their extremities often don’t have great circulation in their extremities, either. This means people can get cold much faster than able-bodied counterparts.

People with poor circulation develop extremely sensitive feet. Feet being bumped or even just brushed can be painful.

A character may use a wheelchair and be able to walk, or may use a wheelchair and cannot walk. Either way, they can and almost certainly do still wear shoes.

People with low mobility, or anyone sitting in a wheelchair for hours at a time, need to be shifted and moved, or their weight redistributed, so they don’t develop pressure sores over places where bone is close to the skin (hips, wrists, ankles if lying down). This is non-negotiable. Your wheelchair user character will not be able to stay in the same position for six hours and be okay, no matter how padded their chair might be.

Your wheelchair user’s feet should not really be touching the ground, unless they’re in a hospital chair and it is a short-term situation. All wheelchairs come with footrests, and feet are kept elevated on a footplate. It is hard to hold your feet up continuously while moving, and there’s no real reason to do it that way.

Ableism is real, and it permeates every public, private, and internal space in the real world. If a space has stairs and no ramp, your wheelchair user character can’t enter. If the sidewalk is broken or steep, a wheelchair user may struggle to navigate. If a venue is accessible but the bathroom isn’t, a disabled character may not feel comfortable being there for long stretches of time. If your characters are going to a bar, likely it’s too high for your wheelchair using character to order. If your character uses a powerchair and is going somewhere overnight, there’d better be a place to charge their chair. Even if you’re writing in a fantasy setting, think about what it would mean for your imagined world to actually be fully accessible. If the world you’re writing in isn’t fully accessible, think about what that means for your characters, what impact it has on them, and what they have to navigate to be out in the world.

Lastly, and very importantly, make your character’s disability consistent. If your character is entirely paralyzed below the waist, you’re going to have to think about how they use the bathroom. It may not come up explicitly in your story, but it will absolutely affect the way the character behaves, where they feel comfortable going, and who with. Do not give your character zero lower body mobility and then refuse to think about bathrooming and sexual function. It is really, really disappointing to see people write disabled characters and then avoid the aspects of disability that they may find distasteful, distressing, or too difficult to think about. Okay one more time:

Many wheelchair users have sex. All wheelchair users need to use the bathroom. You don’t have to write about it, but you should think about what it looks like for your character. You’re writing a full disabled person, not an otherwise abled person whose legs don’t work. You’re also not writing a person whose entire personality is their wheelchair and thus cannot be in any kind of sexual relationship. Figure it out.

More Mobility Aids

A person with partial ability to walk may have a wheelchair and a cane, or arm crutches for when they’re able to be more mobile.

A mobility scooter is a possible alternative to a wheelchair if your character has higher mobility and transfer ability but can’t travel long distances. This is a good choice for someone who can get in and out of a wheelchair with ease and has upper body mobility with limited lower body mobility, but can’t self-propel over long distances.

A Hoyer lift is a mechanical lift used to move people with low mobility in and out of their wheelchairs. It is often unrealistic to have a person transfer someone else alone. It is almost always a two person job, and that still puts a lot of strain on the caregiver’s body.

A transfer belt is a very low cost, specially designed belt that makes transferring safer. Its primary purpose is to give caregivers something to hold onto besides a person’s body, which is safer for both parties. A transfer belt is only used when the person being transferred can stand and take at least a few steps mostly on their own.

Service dogs can be trained to open doors, retrieve items, or assist with disabilities that may not relate to the inability to walk.

Hospital beds may be used for characters with limited mobility. The heads and feet of these beds can be lifted or lowered, along with the entire bed. This aids in transferring, as well as shifting weight and position so that bedsores do not develop.

Wheelchair accessible cars or vans are great tools for independence. They’re also incredibly expensive. A van that is equipped to transport wheelchairs will have ports to anchor the chair and straps. A more sophisticated van that would allow the wheelchair user themselves to drive is usually customized to the user’s ability and needs, and even more incredibly expensive.

Caregivers I am including as mobility aid(e)s. They are trained professionals, although family members and friends can also be caregivers. Often a caregiver will be a CNA (Certified Nurse Assistant) and will be trained to help with physical needs and ADLs (Activities of Daily Living). This ranges from transferring and bathing to feeding, brushing teeth, and massage. A CNA is not able to provide any care that breaks the skin (injections, IVs), treat injuries, or dispense any medication (this includes over the counter meds). A registered nurse would be needed to perform any of these things.

Media with Wheelchair Users

I will be honest, I have a lot of memoir recommendations, but movies and TV mostly escape me. I’ll do my best! As always, I am sticking to things I personally have read or watched.

Sitting Pretty by Rebekah Taussig is a memoir by a young wheelchair user. It discusses ableism, disability, and independence.

A Body, Undone by Christina Crosby is a memoir by a queer woman who acquired a disability partway through her life. It deals with her adaptation to her life and reflects on mobility, independence, and the body.

Being Heumann by Judith Heumann is a memoir by a prominent disabled woman and activist. She tells her life story and describes the crucial work she did in working for disability rights in America.

Care Work by Leah Lakshmi Piepzna-Sanarasinha is a collection of essays by a multiply disabled, queer femme-aligned person of color. They include reflections on disability justice, disabled futures, and many aspects of disabled lives.

Demystifying Disability by Emily Landau is an all-purpose primer on many different types of disability and how to talk about them. It’s an intro to ideas surrounding disability.

Disability Visibility by Alice Wong is a collection of essays by many different disabled people about their lives and views on disability. It covers many different types of disability, and among the authors are some wheelchair users, including prominent late activist Harriet McBryde Johnson.

Spoiler alert: In the later seasons of Bones, though I don’t know exactly when, a main character acquires a disability that means he uses a wheelchair. He struggles with internalized ableism and difficult emotions surrounding disability in a limited but thoughtful portrayal.

Me Before You is bad disability representation. Both the book and the movie are bad representation. Happy to talk about this in DMs if you do not understand why. Do not use it as positive rep or research.

[reiderwriter]

Thoughts on unsub spencer reid fics?

Hi! I'm not sure if you wanted more of a general answer or meant this as a headcanon or gen request, so I'm just going to go purely on vibes and answer this as a question.

Spencer as an Unsub - Thoughts

Disclaimer: Anything negative said here is absolutely not an insult towards any specific writer or fic. I don't really read unsub Reid fics, due to facts I'm about to get into, so I'm really not knowledgeable enough to be throwing shade 💀 This is personal opinion!

I personally would need a lot of convincing to believe in an "unsub" Spencer Reid.

In Criminal Minds, it's clear from very early into the show that Spencer is very empathetic with certain unsubs. The entire team have their own types of cases that they get more personally involved in (Morgan and cases involving child victims, JJ and apparent suicides, Emily and quote unquote battered women cases) but Spencer is the only one whose personal attachment to cases leaves him empathising with the unsub instead of the victim.

He's the only member of the team who could have seen himself committing violent acts the way unsubs do had his life veered down a different path. And, based on Spencer's background and the psychology of the show, he's probably right to be concerned.

He's a white male, at the peak of the show in his mid to late thirties, with a background of abuse and a family history of mental illness. By season four, we know he's highly skilled with a gun, and by season 12/13, we see that he can be pushed to violence when he is at the very edge of his limitations.

And then they make his character so intrinsically moral that you never question him ever again.

To a certain extent, Criminal Minds is about the perpetual cycles of abuse that human kind can inflict upon itself. Many of the unsubs were once victims, some of them perhaps still are. The heroes of the story are characters who have been able to break the cycle.

Spencer is neglected as a child. He has an absent father abandon him, a mother with schizophrenia who does physically beat him when she is having an episode. He is bullied heavily in school for his high IQ and his lack of social skills. But he is shown to deeply care for him mother and empathise with her deeply instead of coming to resent her like many of the unsubs in that situation. He resents his father, for sure, but instead turns that resentment into drive, leading him to "just keep getting more PhDs." And his personal experiences with bullying allow him to empathise with the unsubs that have gone through similar circumstances.

So I don't think canonically, Spencer is ever in danger of becoming an unsub. He deeply cares about the world and the people around him, and whilst he does have a kill count on the show, he either expresses deep remorse at having to oull the trigger, or it is in the best interest for everyone involved.

Basically, all that to say: I think Unsub Spencer Reid in fanfiction has to be written incredibly carefully, or it runs the risk of being very out of character. To be clear, I'm not too bothered about characters being slightly out of character in fics because it happens. I've probably written a lot of stuff where Spencer is OOC, too. And that's fine.

I do kind of draw the line at grabbing random unsub traits from the show and giving them to Spencer for a fic. For example, Spencer would never end up as a sexual sadist. He probably wouldn't be a spree killer, either. Not that anyone wants my writing advice, but if you're writing an unsub Spencer fic, think about his background and the profiles they generally give for the kind of signature/ crimes you're about to give him.

If this was a request, I apologise for the misunderstanding. But here's a little hint at what I might do with a general "unsub Reid" request.

☆ It would most likely take place after the events of Season 12/13.

☆ It's angst or nothing.

☆ The basic plot: Reid's headaches come back after taking a blow in the field. He tries seeking help for it but can't find any relief. On his next case, because of his chronic pain, he makes a mistake that gets his teammate, the reader, shot. The unsub escapes, but the reader falls into a coma. When it looks like reader is not going to pull through, he tracks down the unsub and beats his to death after a brawl. Massive overkill. The reader pulls through that night, and he feels no guilt for getting that monster off the street. But each time the readers health takes a turn, or they require a new surgery, he is compelled to go back out there and track down and kill another serial killer until the reader finally wakes up.

☆ I don't think it'd be very well received because there would be no morally grey smut. This is some tragic angst shit only, lmao.

☆ please don't put a request for this in my inbox. If I feel like writing it later, I might, I don't have the brain power right now, though 💀

That's all I've got right now, but I'd love to hear other people's thoughts on unsub Reid :)

[gingerrtarot]

◌ ｡ PAC “I am feeling lonely…” - why? and how to deal with that?

hello, everyone! welcome to the reading.

here, as you can see, we will talk about loneliness. it’s not about just not having a lover or spouse, so if that’s your problem this may not resonate, as my intentions were different. with this reading i want to provide some help to people who feel alone in general.

with that said, let us get to the reading. remember that this is a general reading, so it may or may not resonate with you.

so, let’s pick a pile :)

pile 1 pile 2 pile 3

°｡ Pile 1. ◌

Hello, pile 1! definitely workaholics pile here. i see people with a strong will and self discipline. you can limit yourself greatly and set strict boundaries for yourself. sometimes this can be good, but you can overdo it. whether intentionally or not, you are closed to other people.

You probably take on a lot of responsibilities, be it work, study or self-development. you spend all your energy creating some kind of stability and confidence in the future for yourself. working hard to become your best self, and you may simply not have any energy or time left for others. You can also deliberately refuse to communicate and interact with people, so as not to be distracted from what you consider to be more important matters.

a saying comes to mind: “instead of catching butterflies, you need to build a beautiful garden and they will fly there themselves”. but in this case, you may devote all your time to building this garden, making it better and better and waiting for the butterflies to finally arrive, and at this time the butterflies are waiting near this very garden, which they cannot get into because it is closed. here i definitely see people around that share your ideas and ideals and are willing to be friends with you, and it is you - the one who don’t “let them in”. so advise here is simple, start to open up a little, let your guard down, “open the gates to your garden” :).

another message i get here is that people in this pile may be born leaders and they are used to talk to people in a manner where it sounds more like you are commanding. you may be as well too harsh with your words and that pushes people away from you. so you should watch your behaviour, because you probably don’t even notice it. you should try to be more gentle with others.

°｡ Pile 2. ◌

hi, pile 2! creative people over here. you have good and well developed imagination. you can be escapist. books, TV series, movies and other hyperrealities seem more attractive to you than ordinary life. maybe this happens because the conditions in which you live do not give you the opportunity to live the way you want. I feel that people from this group have problems with dealing with reality, fear of the future and a feeling of their own powerlessness in front of life. it feels you have no one or nothing to rely on, there is no feeling of support. such oppressive loneliness. the song by mitski- nobody comes to my mind. this pile probably suffers the most of all 3. you may feel almost isolated from others. the world is a cruel place to you. but it is still beautiful.. and you wish to be a part of it.

the reason for these problems may lay some differences with other people around you. Especially financial and status vise. but it may be just that you are different as well. not in a bad way, just the opposite. i see here people with unique talents and abilities, creative vision and truly interesting personality. your perception of this world, your ideas, thoughts and hobbies, even external attributes like style, appearance and so on are something that is not commonly accepted and approved. you may have been neglected many times. the experience of bullying, ridicule and misunderstanding may also have taken place here. it's caused you to stop expressing yourself and shut yourself from others. but still there is a desire to share whatever it is that you want with others. this pile has huge infp vibes, if you’re into mbti.

The advice here is to share whatever you value. and it’s not even about material values. well, it may be, if your high material status creates a gape between you and others, it may be great to do some charity. but, in general, it’s about your ideas, thoughts, creativeness. if you have a hobby, whatever it is, share it with others, let the world see your art. whatever it is that is important to you - share it. and you will be surprised by just how many people are out there will support you and will be willing to cooperate with you. i know it is easier to be said that done, but you can do it step by step, little by little. the things that we are afraid to do the most are the ones that will lead us to the biggest happiness.

°｡ Pile 3 . ◌

loving to be alone pile, huh? hello, pile 3. definitely, a group of introverts. and you are totally okay with that. you feel like you are “full” on your own. I feel that people in this group are extremely intelligent and spiritual. you have a lot to tell. and it’s not just idle talks, it’s something important and valuable. i see you may be into philosophy and may even have your own philosophical thoughts and ideas. with this pile I don’t see that your loneliness is a burden to you. people here strive for a deep special connection. you don’t need a big company of friends or a bunch of followers. you may have people around you but they are different. you don’t feel like you can have this connection with them.

I also think that people here believe in the divine timing.like, you know, the right people will come to you in the right time. so they just expect everything to happen naturally without doing anything (same guys).

I kind of see you like this princess in the tower. She is super smart, she has read thousands of books in her life, she knows so many things, but she has no one to tell it to. she, may be, has some birds and squirrels to chat with, but birds and squirrels are not able to understand princesses and so she stays there and waits for her lovely prince on white horse to come, whereas prince doesn’t even know about her existence. kind of similar to pile one.

advice here is to take actions. I think that some of you have this person in mind that you want to build this deep connection with, but you wait for them to take the first steps. and what you should do instead - you should do it yourself. take the initiative. even if you don’t have this particular person in mind you should still be more proactive. go for walks, travel, let the world know that you exist. don’t be afraid to draw attention to yourself. maybe, you won’t meet your “prince” right away, but it’s still better than to wait. don’t hide yourself from this world, let yourself experience all kind of experiences!!

well, that’s all for today. thank you for letting me read for you!

you can like this post or subscribe for some energy exchange, hehe

i will be super happy if it resonates, so please please please, let me know if it does!

bye bye ^^

[mysumeow]

WANDERER ALPHABET PT. 2/2🥛. . ♡ 💭

warnings: afab genitalia, mentioned use of skirt for reader, gn pronouns.

a/n: me to myself: ok write something short and nice. keep it simple. *proceeds to write three paragraphs for a single letter*. remember this all is just my take on wanderer ;7; i hope everyone enjoys it n_n

PART ONE

K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)

Edging, overstimulation, ruined orgasms (giving more often than receiving), hair pulling (giving and receiving, when you're fed up with his edging) (that's why he riles you up), cockwarming and, lowkey, humiliation.

Generally, he enjoys exploring how far you can go before you get desperate and to what lengths you would go to reach that sweet orgasm. Where's your limit? He must know everything about you.

L = Location (favorite places to do the do)

Private’s not bad, but he sometimes entertains the idea of making you cockwarm him in the Akademiya library, in the most secluded corner there is, and preferably with you wearing a skirt, since it would be easier to hide what’s going on.

The thrill for him is watching you struggle to keep yourself composed while he finishes his essays. You might be doing a decent job at keeping a neutral face, but he wants to see you sweat and struggle, so he grips your hips harder, and gives a shallow thrust.

You have to grip the pencil in your hand to force yourself to shut up.

M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)

The short answer is that your mere presence makes him happy. In all sorts of senses.

He won’t confess that since he keeps those candid emotions to himself. He often finds himself drawn to you, and to be able to experience unconditional love from someone else only fuels the need to mark you somehow and let everyone know that he won't be letting go of you anytime soon.

It's common for you to leave with at least one mark on your neck. He can’t go more than ten minutes without craving your attention. Expect him to stand by you when you’re talking to someone else. He doesn’t interrupt the conversation, though. Just letting the other person know he’s there is enough for him. God forbid someone flirts with you within his vicinity; he’s doubling up the number of marks on you.

N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

Can't fathom the idea of hurting you. Sure, he can spank you if that's what gets you going. Sure, he can pull on your hair too. Be rougher when handling your body on the bed; bite you, etc. He puts a full stop to anything that can fatally injure you. You're too precious for him; he can't allow himself to put you at any type of risk.

O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

Giving. If it makes your legs tremble and leaves you gasping, he’s in for it, and oral is one way to do it. He enjoys going at it at his own pace, making sure to work you through it until you’re left trembling and gasping, increasing the intensity. His favorite part is stopping when you’re about to cum, and how whiny you may get or your pleading expressions. He lives for it.

P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)

He gets caught up in his emotions, which are intense during these intimate moments. And that ardor in his heart channels right through his actions. In other words, he gets rough.

Not out of pure, unadulterated lust; this is one of the few occasions in which he allows himself to be vulnerable. You’re lost in the pleasure of how he holds you, the unforgiving pace he sets, chest heaving, and trying to ground yourself; surely you won’t notice the way he beholds the sight in front of him with utmost devotion.

Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)

He convinces himself that his restraint on carnal desire is excellent. Until you start teasing him. And begin sliding your hand up and down his thigh, the sultry little look you give him.

Next thing you know, you’re trying to push his mouth from your clit; someone’s approaching, and you’re unable to hold your voice any longer if he keeps going.

R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)

He’ll try anything that makes you happy. For some things, you might have to beg him. Only because he likes seeing you do so.

S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)

Resilient.

His body withstands a stellar amount of physical work. It’s a big possibility that you’ll be the one to tire out before him.

T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)

He prefers using them on you, but if you want to use them on him, he’s willing.

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

If you’ve reached this far into the alphabet, you must’ve noticed a constant theme of him relishing in leaving your legs trembling and begging for more, or less if he’s overstimulating you. The funny thing is that, if you’re the one on the giving end, he’s a brat. Which, if you enjoy that, makes the experience entertaining.

V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)

Not loud enough for everyone in the vicinity to realize what’s going on behind closed doors. It's similar to his normal speaking voice. Slightly lower.

His ears burn red whenever, after the session, he remembers how his voice slipped out more than he would like it to. Lots of hums from him attempting to hold his voice, lots of ‘ah’s when he can no longer push himself to hide it, and the occasional whine.

W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character)

More than once, he has fantasized about using your tits or thighs to get off. The mere idea of sliding his dick between either of those soft and pleasant places makes his cock hard.

He imagines his hands grabbing at your breasts while yours are free to roam around his thighs, your mouth open to suck and lick his tip whenever he cants his hips forward—or, your thighs, sliding between them and teasing you by rubbing occasionally on your pussy lips, but not giving in quite yet. He wants to make you beg for it.

Since he's quite new to this, he still feels a bit embarrassed about having those thoughts and, even worse, admitting them.

He'll drop a hint here and there about it, expecting you to be the one to offer it yourself.

X = X-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes)

Proportionate in terms of length and girth; none far outweighs the other in any aspect. A bit over average, but nothing overwhelming. What’s not average is his sensitivity. He gets hard at the minimal direct touch from you.

Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)

He seeks you when frustration piles up and is about to spill. He’s receptive whenever you’re in the mood.

Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

He pretends to sleep and waits for you to doze off first. He caresses your hair lovingly, admiring each detail on your face. The sight of you sleeping relaxes him and makes it easier for him to fall asleep, even if he doesn’t need it that much. He appreciates the bonding aspect of it.

[geospiral]

“I want to be someone’s stepping stone; I want the memory of me to haunt that person so that I may live through them and be beside them without having to stay. I know that's selfish and cruel, but if the path has already been laid out for me and I have no choice but to die, then I want to at least be able to choose who I die for. And to be honest, I will probably regret this decision when I’m lying there and spitting up my own blood, but at least it will be mine… and I think I can rest easy knowing that.”

Moran, a top student when it comes to all things excluding singing, can best be described as being Anakt Garden’s very own “Thinker.” Often found sitting on the very left edge of the garden’s box, she is willing to lend an ear to those in need.

Alien Stage OC Base made by @shakingparadigm

_____________________________________________________________

Anakt Garden:

Moran is not a person who will intentionally seek other people out, but she does enjoy when others come to her, usually in the form of seeking guidance. This guidance can range from simply helping a fellow student with their class work to teaching others some of what she knows about the Segyein’s entertainment industry, a topic that she is familiar with due to her upbringing. 

She likes talking about philosophy, giving general worldly advice, and being a mediator to her fellow classmates, trying her best to be an impartial judge.

Moran also likes “reading” other people’s fortunes as a kind of game. It’s not anything serious; you ask her a specific topic about the future, such as “Am I going to pass the test?” and then give her as much information as you can about your chosen topic in order for her to make an educated guess. If she guesses correctly, you have to give her something, and if she doesn't, then she’ll give something to you. The items are nothing big, just small treasures like a pretty stone from the stream or an Anakt Garden lollipop. Moran also keeps a small collection of things she finds or is given in case others would just like to do general bartering with her; however, she doesn’t hold any real attachment to the things she collects and will usually trade her items away in exchange for short-lived treats such as candy, drinks, or a bubble wand.

Moran gets along fine with the other students, and although she can be pretty blunt at times, to the point of unintentionally seeming rude, she does her best to stay on everyone’s good side. She was raised with many others under her Guardian, so she has always been used to living alongside her fellow humans; however, the experiences were not great, causing her to have trouble telling when others genuinely like her or wish to be her friend. It doesn’t help that it only seems that her classmates come to her when they need something.

______________________________________________________________

Background:

Moran’s Guardian, Rheya, is a well-known and respected theater director with a theatrical troupe composed of the many humans under her, raising them from a young age to be her personal actors. By having her plays consist of an entirely human cast, Rheya is able to push the limits of her plays' theatrics in ways that she simply could not when working with her fellow Segyeins. Her plays are touted for their stories and visual spectacles; however, they can tend to be extremely dangerous for the humans involved, with many sustaining real injuries throughout their performances.

Despite the humans of the troupe referring to Rheya as their "mother,” they do not view one another as family but rather as competition when it comes to gaining their Guardians' affection. Bullying amongst the group is commonplace; if one person is punished, everyone is, which leads to that one individual being viciously humiliated and outcast by their peers and being sent down levels in the troupe’s personal social hierarchy.

(Note: The troupe’s hierarchy is loosely inspired by that of the video game Rule of Rose; I haven’t played it, and it's basically impossible to do so without pirating, but I got the idea from the video analysis of the game by RagnarRox.)

Rheya did not want to stop her storytelling at just theater production; however, she wanted to extend her reach further and saw Alien Stage as a chance to do just that, devising a long-term plan to craft what will hopefully be one of her best stories. She wants the story to go like this: she will choose two of her humans, one to send to Anakt Garden and the other to stay with her, molding him into the next big celebrity pet. The one sent to the garden, Moran, would be used as fodder in order to boost the fame of the other human pet, Adam, under the guise that the reason she trained for and performed in Alien Stage was to gain the other’s attention, subsequently dying in the competition. Upon finding this out, Adam would then go on to perform in the next Alien Stage season after her to avenge the women who loved him, winning in the process.

Rheya doesn’t have any faith that Moran can survive her Alien Stage season, and neither does Moran herself, but while Moran is in the garden, she hopes to find someone who she can truly die for in the competition, someone she actually cares for, unlike Adam, whom she barely knows and has never loved. If Moran must die, she wants it to be meaningful to her and the one she adores. She wants to make it her own choice.

[coeluvr]

Hi, Coe! While we are on a topic of Fadiya: will she always be MC's mandatory friend? Or will there at least be an option to have a reluctantly polite relationship with her (if MC decides they need an ally but feel meh about the whole thing)/have one-sided friendship/grow apart? Thing is, she is THE most perfect fit for one of my MCs (and I am aiming to romance her on that playthrough), but for the other one... I feel like the type of the person they are, they will just close off when dealing with someone energetic and insistent like her because it would be just overwhelming to them (speaking from experience: I got majorly depressed after my grandpa who acted as my father figure passed away, and while I was functioning on the outside, any cheerfulness from well-meaning acquaintances or strangers just frankly, hurt, alienated and irritated me, so I actively avoided them, because, alas, trauma response is not always rational or pretty). Sorry to be writing it from anon, I'm just a bit iffy about mentioning personal stuff otherwise. And if it's not an option, it's understandable, since she seems to be your fav, and, as a writer, I get that some characters you just want to protect from being hurt, ever, so I hope it doesn't come off as if I'm pushing for a certain direction. Merely being curious about possible RP limitations.

[SOME CHAPTER 4 SPOILERS!!]

Hi, anon!

So in the narrative I tried my best to make it make sense on why MC (who is your character but also mine, co-parents if you will /j) would let Fadiya in. I'm not sure how much you have read of it but essentially it was very "it's nice to have her around (since literally everyone else sucks)" so I don't think our MC would feel THAT suffocated I guess because they did decide to let her in.

However, I do understand what you mean about grief and having someone who while well intended is just too much and makes you feel even more alone, like a reminder that they never went through what you did so I am happy to say that in Chapter 4 there is a part where MC can think exactly that!

The way I wrote it, it wasn't like "I need to get away from Fadiya right now I can't even be near her" it was simply... like a gap in their relationship. There is a part that just doesn't click but despite that they still like to have her around.

Now I can't spoil further which means I cannot answer most of your question but I do wish to remind that Fadiya's route / story in general tbh is like 2nd in terms of angst so think what you will with that.