#it is also not an issue that is fixable by me sadly.

[gramarye]

eternally grateful i was not ghosted by my handsome partner on tinder but why did the electrician hired by my landlord ghost me

[redroseworks]

Love In The Snake's Den

Chapter 1: Obanai's Issue/Shinobu's Predicament/Mitsuri's Problem

𓆙𓆙𓆙

Obanai had an issue.

Well, he always had multiple issues.

However, his current issue was technically fixable.

It started when he was about to start college and to him staying with his foster family wasn’t an option.

Unfortunately for him when he started classes at Kimetsu University he couldn't bring his snake, Kaburamaru, into a dorm. Firstly, because of the lack of space for Kaburamaru’s set. And then also because of how people react to snakes. He wasn't going to risk Kaburamaru's comfort and safety.

So he had to rent a place off campus. He found a decent three bedroom house that was owned by a nice family. The rent was cheap but it was still a strain on his wallet. So he had to get roommates.

His first roommate was a quiet classmate who seemed like an asshole at first. The guy was the same age as Obanai but a sophomore.

Tomioka Giyuu had no reaction to Kaburamaru and kept to himself. Obanai could respect that and the house was big enough he could avoid him.

Then Tomioka met Obanai's best friend Sanemi. At first Sanemi hated Tomioka but then he loved him. Obanai still didn't fully get it but he tolerated and could get along with Tomioka.

Sanemi moved in during the middle of their sophomore year though he still spent a lot of time back at his family's place. Honestly, him moving in with Obanai and Tomioka was clearly just so he had a comfortable place to get fucked. Or at least that's what Obanai's opinion was considering he was an unfortunate witness to Sanemi and Tomioka far too many times.

A part of Obanai was glad when Sanemi and Tomioka told him they were getting an apartment together; especially now that they were engaged and wanted their own space.

So now Obanai needed a new roommate.

Not only for rent but also because living alone felt like a nightmare. Even though Sanemi and Tomioka weren't fully moved out, Obanai hated the nights alone. He hated the knowledge that he was all alone.

Obanai sighed and laid his head on the table. “Why can't you just move in with me?” He asked his foster brother Kyojuro.

“Because I still have to take care of Dad and Senjuro.” Kyojuro said. “You could just move back in.”

“No. You know I can't do that…” Obanai said. He didn't deserve the charity of the Rengoku family. He also didn't want to be a further burden on them when Shinjuro was a recently recovering alcoholic. “Also with my work and my classes it wouldn't be as convenient.”

“I go to Kimetsu too.” Kyojuro said.

“Yeah but your schedule is completely different and you don't have any labs late in the evening. I shouldn't be driving long at night.”

Kyojuro sighed. “Yeah, yeah. I know.” He said. “Hmm… I could ask some friends.” Kyojuro said as he quickly pulled out his phone and started texting people. Obanai hoped he wasn’t texting too many people.

Obanai’s phone dinged; showing a few texts from Sanemi (who’s number was saved under Asshole).

Asshole: I may have found you a new roommate.

Asshole: Only issue is that it’s a woman

Asshole: But trust me

Obanai frowned. He had gynophobia. Sure there were some women and girls he managed to be around (his sort of friend and classmate Kanae, Sanemi’s mom and sisters, and one of his other sort of friend Tengen’s wives) but in general women caused him to have panic attacks. He could manage in public especially now that he’s been in therapy regularly but still.

However, he trusted Sanemi.

Obanai: Let me meet her and we will see

ʚїɞʚїɞʚїɞ

Shinobu had a predicament.

When she started college last year she got stuck with a horrible roommate. Kikumo had been fine at first and sadly for Shinobu the ugly side of that bitch didn’t come out until it was far too late for a change in room outside of emergencies.

Kikumo was messy, rude, and constantly argued with Shinobu. Shinobu spent most of her time in the library or common rooms on campus. Luckily, for most weekends she spent her time at home with her parents and younger sister or at her older sister’s apartment. Home was always her safe haven and always would be.

This upcoming year, somehow she was supposed to room with that bitch again and even though there was a period of time where she could request a move there were some issues with that. One: it had to be after the third week of classes, two: it would still take one to two weeks for the request to be approved, and three: Shinobu didn’t want to have to live with Kikumo again for even a second.

She could move back home permanently but that commute would be about thirty minutes by train (not including the walks to the stations) and about an hour by car. Just all depended on the routes and traffic. So it wasn’t something Shinobu wanted to do, especially since she had an environmental biology lab this semester that ended at 8pm. It would take her about fifteen minutes to walk to the train station so that was out. The possibility of her driving a car was also out because she did not know how to drive. She didn’t have a need to do so and honestly the few times her mom and dad and older sister tried to teach her… she had a bit of road rage and would get frustrated.

Shinobu also liked being able to stay at the library late and being able to hang out with the friends she’s made.

She could stay with Kanae at her apartment except it was a studio apartment; she loved her big sister very much but she also wanted some privacy and space. At least the dorms had a common area with private study rooms if she wanted to be alone to study. Currently, she was staying with Kanae for spring break so she could continue working at her job at a local cafe. It was the most ideal set up.

And it would be difficult to find a two bedroom apartment that would be ready to move in before the move out deadline for student housing.

So she was looking for single bedrooms or studio apartments to rent as that would be the best option. It would also be cheaper for Shinobu to pay rent once she got a job. Her parents happily agreed to pay her rent and expenses until she could do so on her own; they had done the same for Kanae after all.

Shinobu clicked on another posting about someone needing a roommate for their apartment. The place didn’t look bad, it was a two bedroom; one bath. She then looked at the information. No pets. Okay, Shinobu’s fish was happy at her family’s home. No parties. Okay, Shinobu hated parties. No being out after 9pm. Shinobu frowned at that. She didn’t like the idea of a curfew. Must sign a two years long lease. Nope, that sounded stupid.

Shinobu clicked off that posting. Maybe she should reconsider the offer one of her friends made to stay with her but given the reason why her friend was living alone and that her friend actually was trying to move made that option a last resort.

Her phone buzzed and she saw a text from Kanae.

Kanae: I might have a solution to your roommate problem ;)

Shinobu did not like that winky face but she sighed and answered her sister.

Shinobu: what is it?

♡♡♡

Mitsuri had a problem.

It started when she met her former fiance Gomi Unko when she was seventeen. Unko had wanted Mitsuri to dye her black and for her to not eat as much as she wanted and to lose weight. He also hated when Mitsuri would ‘show off’ her strength.

In hindsight, he was an asshole. They got engaged after dating for two months and he grew more and more controlling especially when they moved into an apartment together and she no longer lived with her family.

In hindsight, there were so many red flags. In hindsight, she just wanted to find love and fell for the first guy to say he loved her. And then the other things he would say… she felt like no one else would love her.

At least she was able to still go to college for art. Of course… maybe if he had stopped her from that she would have taken off the rose colored glasses much sooner.

In the end, it was him who left her. She had a busy month between her classes and her job at a cafe so she didn’t find the time to dye her roots. It caused his to become madder and madder at her and he called it all off in the end.

‘I shudder when I think about that being passed on to my children.’ Those were the awful words he said before telling her to forget they ever met.

That was ten months ago. After three months she got her hair fixed to her unusual natural pink and added in green tips. He always said green made her look washed out and ugly. As if her eyes weren’t naturally green.

She started eating the way she wanted a week after she fixed her hair. She always had a larger than normal appetite and could even out eat sumo wrestlers. Over the last ten months she had gained back some of the weight she had lost to please Unko. Not all of it but a few pounds. She was starting to feel like herself again.

But now. She had decided not to renew her lease and had about seven weeks to find a new place. She couldn’t handle being in this apartment anymore. In his apartment. He was the one who wanted it. He was the one who liked it.

Mitsuri was genuinely pissed to learn he had put it all under just her name. For what reason?? She had no clue. Maybe he planned to leave her but wanted to break her first? Maybe he just wanted an out? Maybe he didn’t want to be legally responsible if they couldn’t pay rent or something.

She had been grateful for her parents helping to cover what was Unko’s rent but she wanted to find a cheaper place she could pay for herself. She loved her parents but didn’t want to have them stretching their finances.

Mitsuri carefully pulled the cupcakes she had just made out of the oven. She had missed baking the whole time she was with that asshole Unko. She especially missed baking for her family and friends. Today she had made cupcakes for her friend who was going through a predicament. She carefully down the cupcakes to let them cool before she could frost and decorate them.

Mitsuri looked at her phone and saw a few unread texts from her friend Kyojuro.

Kyojuro: I know a guy who’s in need of a roommate!

Kyojuro: My foster brother actually! He’s shy but nice! He has a snake!

Kyojuro: or not!

Kyojuro: his bestie might have found someone but it might not work out!

Kyojuro: I will update you!

Mitsuri sighed. Shit. She wished she could have seen the messages early.

[redpandahappypanda]

**This is a copy of an essay that my step father wrote a few days ago. I find that Alex has a very analytical and nuanced view on these matters. And this is an important issue.**

Jan. 3rd 2020- Jan 3rd - 2021

This was a significant day for me. It was the day we started discussing this new virus showing up in China and the implications of the spread of it. It was a conversation about exponential math and the brutality of that process.

12 months later. to the day, and not only were we right (sadly) but there is another brutal math reality facing us. Let me explain.

Listen, I know this won’t be popular because we’re all still high on the new year magical resolution of a non-covid life again, but the numbers are once again NOT adding up. In fact they are going in the wrong direction faster than this day 12 months ago. Yes, we are in far more peril over the next 6 months than we were 12 months ago.

Put simply, the spread of the disease it outpacing the vaccine efforts exponentially. This is being caused by many factors, not the least of which is no national plan for implementation (only delivery). It’s also being caused by the pandemic fatigue coupled with an unrealistic optimism around the development of a vaccine. This is demonstrated with the record travel over both major holidays. Of course this is also already upside down before taking into account the new “UK Variant” which is thought to spread much much easier/faster.

Put simply, the rate of vaccines (shots in arms) is mathematically dwarfed by the rate of traditional spread of the virus. This number is NOT changing. If anything it’s actually going the wrong way and accelerating. If this trend is futured out it shows that we are still on the path of MAJORITY INFECTION instead of majority vaccination. This only has one outcome. Millions more infected. Hundreds of thousands of more dead. Perhaps millions more effected by long term effects of the virus beyond that.

I would go as far as saying that the existence of the vaccine without a minimally adequate plan for implementation is actually accelerating the spread of the virus and increasing the death count due to the population easing up on precautions because the vaccine is “coming soon”. Well, the vaccine may be coming soon but it’s traveling at 5mph while the virus is accelerating to 100mph.

Look, I’ve already been down this road 12 months ago. I know how people react to bad news and how easily math is dismissed. I’ve heard the “think positive” crowd a thousand times.

So here’s a proposal.

You want to get ahead of the virus… we need an implementation plan that out paces the virus. It’s really as simple as that. A new covid case is found every 3 seconds right now in places like California. You can be damn sure, that shots in arms are not keeping that pace.

So fix it.

Enact a full scale military (FEMA, NG, ARMY,NAVY) medical implementation.

IMMEDIATELY .

We could mobilize full scale medical facilities (tents) in major metro areas in a week or so.

In that facility you need 100 medical troops giving shots.

You need a couple thousand in ‘recovery” rooms where they watch the typical 15-30 min for reactions.

You could watch multiple people for each “observer”. More if you utilize camera feeds.

You could pump out 60,000 shots per day in each facility. (10 hr day)

You need to take over nearby major sports / shopping facilities for parking and then busing patients back and forth.

Organize the demand vs capacity by using ID’s spread the delivery (by last name was example)

You need free up healthcare professionals in the private sector to deal with the emergencies the virus is creating. The delivery of the vaccine doesn’t require the same medical training.

Double the staff… double the output.

Hell, with a smart setup and camera feeds for monitoring, you could up this to 200,000 per day. At that point transportation becomes more of an issue than shots in the arms.

Slow the percentages in major metro areas first and you create extra hospital capacity with weeks.

Once that slows, you use the hospitals and clinics to add to the daily vaccine delivery.

Replicate this setup over multiple metro areas and you double/triple/etc. the implementation.

If you exponentially increase the delivery you then dramatically reduce the uncontrolled spread.

You reduce the uncontrolled spread, you reduce hospitalizations.

Reduce the hospitalizations you reduce the death counts.

It’s math.

It was always math.

It’s still math.

And I am here, 12 months to the day from when we started preparing for this, and I see the same Math being ignored. The numbers are in the wrong direction, and accelerating again in the wrong way.

This is fixable. It is absolutely doable. But it won’t happen unless some “ONE” entity coordinates it. If you don’t have someone coordinating its just a bunch of people running around chasing the emergency of the moment and ultimately losing.

There is your positive thinking.

But math says, if the spread outpaces the vaccine delivery then more spread means more exposure and the pace increases while the vaccine falls further behind.

Want to fix it?

There is a way.

Meanwhile… reality says we look like we are in for a much rougher spring than last year unless someone gets these numbers under control.

That ends Alex's words.

The next is my own. The take away from this is: our job as responsible citizens is not done.

I want to warn. To advise. This vaccine is a wonderful tool. But it is not the magical bullet that ends the pandemic. Social distancing, quarantine, wearing a mask, STAYING HOME whenever and where ever possible is still massively important. This is our new normal folks, for the foreseeable future. Wearing masks; having adequate access to healthcare and vaccinations; giving each other space; smaller capacities in public spaces is (should be) our norm now. Put pressure on your friends, family, colleagues and most importantly your political representatives, to do the right thing.

And here is the rub. This is not going to be the last pandemic in our lifetimes. Covid-19 and its new viral strains are not going away. We are more likely than ever to see more deadly viruses to pop up.

The after-effects of this virus are going to be far reaching; socially, politically, physically. We need to acknowledge that, the sooner the better.

[skippyv20]

I’m Really Struggling...But trying to focus on the positive

Hi Skippy,

This is a very long message, and I’m so sorry to bother you when you’re so overwhelmed with the PH/MM news. But I’m really struggling.

A few weeks ago, I posted that I had a terrible upper respiratory infection and that I had family visiting from Europe and was hoping to get better. I kept praying, and luckily, I was well enough to be able to spend several wonderful days and evenings with them, despite my pain. We had such a great time; besides the fact that they’re fun, they share my values and are very polite and loving. One of their goals was to meet NYC firefighters, as they are volunteer firefighters in their country. We visited a fire station downtown, and both my cousins (one who had carried his volunteer firefighter clothing & his/my grandfather’s country’s flag through the entire day in a backpack in 85 degree heat and changed into his clothes right b4 we got there) & the local firemen were thrilled. It was so amazing to watch, as the NYC firemen embraced them and gave them a tour. It actually attracted much attention to people walking by, who also wanted photos taken with the firemen. I was joking that they needed to donate to the 9/11 fund, and they were willing to do it! Wish that had occurred to me after 9/11!

Unfortunately, since then, I’ve gotten a severe ear infection which has consistently gotten worse, and is quite painful and dangerous for me. I had many ear infections as a child (sadly, I didn’t have the most attentive mother, and I remember crying in my crib due to the pain, yet she never came.) I’m not looking for sympathy, just stating the facts.

As an adult, I was fine, but in my early 20’s I burst my eardrum on a flight. I had surgery, which resulted in many complications (one of the bones behind my eardrum had deteriorated) which led to more surgeries. In retrospect, I never would’ve agreed to the subsequent surgeries, as they didn’t help. I had a prosthetic device to replace the bone inserted several times, and it didn’t work. After the last surgery, my body rejected the implant, and it was protruding through my eardrum (yeah.) Unfortunately, my doctor during that time was in her 40’s and wanted to be a star…many people don’t believe this about doctors, but it’s true. (I actually learned this after much research…they want to be published and my ear is so messed up that they want to be a hero, even if it’s not fixable.) I finally found, let’s just say, an elderly doctor who was the best doctor ever. I was scheduled for yet another surgery with the ‘star’ doctor, and my gut feeling was to say no. So I found the other doctor and he cured’ me right there. I’ve been fine for 10 years! Gave me a local anesthetic, and literally pulled the implant out of my ear with tweezers. I’ve been perfectly fine since then (granted, I have to do many things to keep my ear healthy: I wear a hat constantly even if it’s it 40 degrees, I have many steps to take when I fly (Sudafed, Afrin, etc.), and I can’t let water in my ear. Sadly, the brand of earplugs that I’ve used has been replaced by private-brands & they do not work//hence my infection; water leaked into my ear. If anyone else here has ear issues: please just buy the brand ‘Mack’. Nothing else works. I love CVS, especially since they stopped selling cigarettes, but in this case, their private brand had assaulted me.

After caring for myself for 10 years, this is horrific for me and it’ due to a horrible product.

Anyone in need for prayers are to talk or to rant....are a priority....thank you so much for your beautiful story about the firefighters!  I loved it!  And thank God for making you well enough to enjoy your special visit!  

You certainly have had struggles my friend.  We will of course pray for you. Are you sure the brand you need isn’t anywhere else?  Just because one place doesn’t have it doesn’t mean some other place or country doesn’t have it?  Maybe Canada has? This is so awful to be back in pain after things were going well.  I’m so sorry you are going through this all again....prayers will help....take care, and God Bless....

Prayers for Anon who once again is suffering from a severe ear infection.  She had relief and now because a below standard product is suffering the consequence.  We pray for her recovery and ask for her to be restored to good health.  We ask that God blesses her ear and that she no longer suffers from infections, if it be God’s will!  We pray that Anon can stay in good spirits as she faces this trial of pain once again.  We pray she can find a product that works for her, and protects her ear from harm.  God Bless Anon.🙏🏻💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕

[islamicrays]

Don't over-compensate with your kids. If you feel guilty over a deficit in one department of their life, don't go overboard to make up for it in another. You'll try to correct one initial problem, only to create ten extra problems on top of it.

I'll share with you two stories to show you what I mean.

A few days ago, I took my kids to the pediatrician for a routine checkup. We go to the pediatrician's office quite often, because between regular checkups, sick visits, and scheduled vaccines, for four different kids--we are there pretty much all the time! I bring all four kids with me whenever we go, and so the all-female staff and nurses and doctor have gotten to know us pretty well and know that we're a homeschooling family. They all love us there. :)

As we were getting my 4-year-old weighed and measured, the nurse and I had a serious conversation. She is a young Arab woman, only a few years older than me, with one 11-year-old son. We speak to her in Arabic whenever she's working at the office when we're there, and my kids delight in hearing her Syrian accent (in contrast with our Egyptian dialect).

She asked me, "I know you are homeschooling your kids...but why?"

I gave her a brief outline of my reasons for the decision to homeschool, citing the academic, religious, and social aspects.

She sighed. "Yes, I think I'm beginning to understand. This is a great idea. I wish I didn't have to send my son to public school, but that's where he is. He's 11, and he is getting more and more difficult by the day. I think he gets more unmanageable with every year that he's in American schools. Like you said, the social environment in schools is terrible! He learns from his classmates, so he's already cursing and saying the F-word, having conversations about girls and dating. Last year, this one girl had a crush on him and because he didn't like her back, she started calling him gay. He's also watching horrible shows on TV, and playing the worst games on his ipad and phone. I don't know what to do about it. I feel like I'm losing control of my son," she admitted sadly.

My heart went out to her. I nodded sympathetically, acknowledging the problem with her. "Do you think it's possible for you to cut back or even eliminate his access to all the gadgets? He's only 11 after all, and you are his mom. I know it's hard, but it might be the best thing to do for you to put your foot down and take away the smartphone and ipad. It might help mitigate his behavior."

She looked away. "I wish I could. It's kind of complicated. You see, I'm a single mom, because my husband is مفقود (lost). We came here from Syria when all the violence happened...without my husband. We don't know where he is now; we haven't heard from him since. My parents and siblings are here too, alhamdulellah, so they help me raise my son."

My eyes, at this point, were stinging with unshed tears. My heart was aching for her. I gave her a hug.

I said, "I am so sorry. الله يقرب البعيد (May Allah bring close the distant ones.) But alhamdulellah that you've got your family here to help."

"But they don't really help, not like you think. They are actually the ones who have given my son all the technology. They all feel bad for my son that his dad is gone, so they just give him a lot of stuff. When he's upset, they cheer him up by buying him a toy or a game or a gadget. When he gets good grades in school, they reward him with more stuff. My parents promised him that if he does well on his next test, they'll buy him the newest iphone. I keep trying to tell them that all these things are only making the problem worse, but they don't get it. My dad always says, "This poor boy is growing up without a father, and I don't want him to feel محروم, deprived. So we have to make it up to him." They make it up to him by giving him a lot of things."

I nodded, seeing her plight. "Well, their feelings are definitely understandable. But maybe instead of material things, can they just give your son time? Quality time together, having conversations, going places together, reading?"

She said, "No, they have everything but time. They own a limousine company, so they're always busy, always working. They are rarely around for that long. They have the business to run. I think that might be another thing they feel guilty about."

"Which helps explain further all the gifts," I said. "You know, this is a problem but insha'Allah it's fixable. It will require effort and determination, but you can do it insha'Allah. It's clear that deep feelings of guilt and grief are causing some serious overcompensating, which is only exacerbating the issue. You may need to have a serious discussion with your parents about how your son is doing, and the best way to come together as a family to meet his needs and to raise him in the healthiest way inshaAllah."

Unfortunately, this is not the only story I've encountered of a parent overcompensating when it comes to their child.

A few years ago, I met a mom of two young kids whose husband traveled a lot for his job. His trips (both in America and internationally) took him away from the family for long periods at a time. Just like the nurse at my doctor's office, this mother also had her relatives living near her, but they gave the kids free reign and tried never to deny them any requests, specifically because they felt bad that the kids were largely growing up without their dad present in their day-to-day life. So these kids ran rampant, acting entitled, demanding, and ungrateful.

The mother was complaining to me that she ends up bearing the brunt of the kids' behavioral problems, because she is the only one who attempts to say "No" to them. But the kids, beings kids, don't like to be said "No" to, and they often ignore her orders or whine or threaten to "tell Baba on her once he gets back!"

These kids actually threaten their mother with tattling on her to their father! This is straight manipulation.

The mother is now the bad guy. The absent father is the good guy, an image of him that's reinforced in his kids' minds every time he returns home with lavish presents and overblown gifts.

"My husband himself feels guilty about how often he's away," the mother told me. "So he overdoes it with the gifts for the kids when he comes back. He also lets them get away with murder, since he's not usually home to see them for long stretches at a time. So next to him, to the kids I look terrible! I don't shower them with gifts and I don't always say yes to their demands. So he's become this hero to them, and I've become a monster."

SubhanaAllah.

These two completely separate stories about two different Muslim families have one underlying factor in common: parental guilt, if unchecked, leads to overcompensating and major behavioral problems for children. There are so many cases like this.

You might think that you're helping the situation by giving the kids material gifts in lieu of the time or physical presence that you cannot give them--but in reality, this only makes the situation much, much worse. You are only alleviating your own guilt by showering the kids with more stuff than is good for them, while harming the kids even further by enabling their bad manners and steeping them in materialism.

Kids need more time than money from the adults in their life. When there is a problem, throwing money at it usually only makes it worse.

More than anything else, kids need our time and attention. They don't need as many gifts, or as many devices or gadgets or screens. They just need you, fully focused on them and present with them.

The solution to following unchecked emotion and over-compensating is to use reason and try to find balance. In the Quran, Allah the Exalted commands us often toward al-qist, القسط. For example, in the beginning of surat Ar-Rahman, Allah draws our attention to the perfection of the balance which He has sent down, by linking the notion of balance with the sky:

وَالسَّمَاءَ رَفَعَهَا وَوَضَعَ الْمِيزَانَ (7) أَلَّا تَطْغَوْا فِي الْمِيزَانِ (8) وَأَقِيمُوا الْوَزْنَ بِالْقِسْطِ وَلَا تُخْسِرُوا الْمِيزَانَ

"And the sky--He has raised it, and imposed the balance.

So that you don't transgress the balance.

So establish the balance with equity and don't make deficient the balance."

The sky and everything in it, everything about it, is precisely placed in a perfect balance. If the sun were just a tiny bit closer to the earth, we'd all be burned to a crisp. If the sun were just a tiny bit farther away from the earth, we'd all freeze. The sun, moon, stars, planets are aligned in a precise calculation, without shortages or imbalances. Everything within the skies is perfectly proportioned, and precisely measured. No transgressions, no excesses, no extremes.

No imbalance.

May Allah grant us the wisdom to ponder His ayaat and live them in our own lives, ameen.

Via Umm Khalid

[eds-trashmouth]

Can You Hear My Heart Beat For You? (2/3)

A/N: I know it’s been literally forever. But I did it. I finished this part. I decided to end it here and part 3 is going to be the sexy time. So there will be smut, but this one was already long. I’ll link part 1 incase you need to reread it. I know it’s been so long. Also, I will be finishing the second part of Good Side. I just figured I should finish this first since I started it first. Also my girl Sara gave me the idea for Eddie to say he’s lovesick (the scene went differently than I thought it would so it’s not exactly what we talked about but I still wanted to give her credit for that one)

Pairing: Reddie

Word Count: 3,000k+

Rating: PG-13 for trashmouth

Part 1

(AO3)

-

8 days 1 hour and 17 minutes

Eddie could not for the life of him get his mother to make him another appointment. He knew he couldn’t fake something too terrible, it had to be small and fixable. Like a cold. But the last time he went for a cold he came running out of the doctors room like a bat outta hell so his mother has been worried about sending him back to that doctor. He still refused to tell her exactly why he was running but she accepted the simple “I didn’t wanna be at the doctor anymore Ma” answer so really what more could Eddie ask for.

He had asked Bill a hundred times what he should get a check up for but Bill refused to help him lie to get a guys number.

“Just go into the office and ask for him. Easy.”

“It’s not easy Bill! How many times do I gotta say it?!”

“Oh my dear Eddie. It is indeed that easy. You just can’t accept the fact that you have to put yourself out there to get what you want.” Maybe Bill was right. He couldn’t just expect the world to work around him and his insecurities. He had to step up and take control of his own love life.

“Okay Billy, you’re right. Time to put myself out there.” Eddie stood up quickly, wiped his sweaty palms on his pants, and stormed out of the room. Not even 10 seconds later he was coming back in.

“This is my room, my mom won’t let you stay here alone...”

“It’s also almost midnight on a Friday, I doubt the doctors office is open.” Eddie’s eyes widened.

“Oh yeah. That too...”

It’s been days since Bill had told Eddie to stop being a pussy. As the days passed, so did Eddie’s confidence. It only took him 2 days 20 hours and 56 minutes to decide...he was a coward. There was no way he was going to just march into a doctor’s office to get some perfect boy’s number. He could, however, ask a certain hopeless romantic to help him out.

“Ben, I just need your advice.” Eddie had told him the whole story as soon as he answered. However, he called him on a Monday, his day for studying so Ben was a little less than helpful. He could hear a sigh and rustling on the other side of the phone then silence. He waited.

“Eddie, you do realize you’re an adult right?”

“Of course I do Ben. But I can’t just go and ask him. I just can’t. What if he says no?”

“You’re missing my point. You’re an adult. You can make your own appointment, and go by yourself. Then go from there.”

“Oh,” How had he not thought of that himself. It was so obvious. He wouldn’t have to worry about his mom, and if he changed his mind he could just leave. “You’re right. I can totally do that. Thanks Ben.”

“You’re welcome Eddie. Now please let me get back to his paper. It’s due by midnight.”

“Yes sir! You got this Ben.” And with that, he hung up. He would call in the morning and set up an appointment.

1 day 12 hours 8 minutes

It was time for his appointment. Walking through the too familiar hospital had his stomach churning. His mind kept racing. What if Tozier was taken? What if he was a jackass? What if he was straight?! He pushed down all his thoughts and took a deep breath before opening the waiting room door. He could tell by the mass of people that he’d probably have to wait awhile. There were at least five different families waiting to be seen. Each more annoying than the next. The first name called was an adorable little girl with her hand wrapped in gauze. Eddie assumed some kind of cut; probably pretty bad if they’re coming to the doctor. Eddie got a little nauseous just thinking about it.

He waited an entire hour to be called. Perhaps they were short on staff today. The same fiery redhead called for him with a smile. This was it. This was his chance. Did he know for sure Dr. Tozier would be performing his check up? No. But he decided if he didn’t see Tozier today then that was fate telling him it wasn’t meant to be. This was his ONLY chance. The nurse led him back through the same hallways and down to a similar room as before.

“The Doctor will be with you shortly, you’re welcome to have a sucker while you wait. Oh, I’m Beverly by the way. In case you need anything.” With a smile and small wave, Beverly was out the door. Eddie could feel his anxiety starting to show its ugly head. In just a few short moments he would, hopefully, be face to face with the man of his

dreams. Tozier wasn’t even here yet and Eddie could already tell his face was pink. He would just simply ask. ‘Want sum fuk?’ And that would be that. He had to be casual. He couldn’t let him know he’s been pining since the last visit. A soft knock on the door kicked him back to reality.

“Come in.” Eddie heard himself speak as if on impulse. The door opened and he almost cried. There stood a short middle aged woman, her blonde hair pulled into a tight bun.

“I’m Dr. Sylvia, what seems to be the problem today?” Her voice was soft but confident. Suddenly he forgot what he even thought of to say. He was only thinking of Tozier. Fuck. He obviously didn’t have a cold. He wasn’t throwing up.

“Uhh, I’ve been having some minor pain in my finger and I was wondering if I uh broke it?” The Doctor squinted a little as if confused, then nodded and walked close to Eddie.

“Which one seems to be the problem?” Her hand held out waiting for Eddie to place his.

“My uh, left middle.” He gave her his left and watched as she began bending his finger with no issues. She pressed softly on each section of knuckle. Eddie hissed a bit when she got to where his finger met his palm, realizing he should at least pretend something hurt.

“So here?” She pressed again a bit harder.

“Yeah, it’s not too bad. I was just worried.” She nodded once again.

“Well, it’s most definitely not broken. I believe it could just be that you smashed it a little or hit it on something. I’m sure it’ll get better all on it own.”

“Thank you miss.” He was embarrassed.

“You may leave whenever you like. Thank you for coming in today.” She left the room as Eddie let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding. That was his chance, and Tozier wasn’t here. It was silly of him to think he would have the exact same intern over two weeks later. But wishful thinking is Eddie’s specialty he supposed.

13 hours 45 minutes

After his less than successful trip to the doctor Eddie decided the world hated him enough today, and he would stay in. Forever. Or at least until tomorrow. Sadly, his friends had other plans. Around 10pm there was a small rock on his window. Then another three hit simultaneously. He knew it was Bill, that was his signal to sneak out. He couldn’t be bothered to moved. The covers helped to hide his sadness, his pathetic sadness, from not getting a date with a stranger. A wonderfully eccentric stranger. It’s just...nothing had ever felt that easy. He never felt something so electric so quickly. It was like there was a magnet attached to Tozier’s lab coat or something. He was attracted immediately. His phone rang, pulling him out of his thoughts. With a sigh he answered.

“Stop moping and come out to the new over 18 club with us! It’ll get your mind of your love life. Hell, maybe you’ll even find a cute boy to dance with.” He expected Bill, not Mike, to be calling him. He could easily tell Bill no, but Mike? Everyone knew he’d never say no to hanging out with his homeschooled friend.

“Mike...I just. Wanna lie here and wallow.” If Mike let it go then he’d be golden. He could just stay in bed for the rest of his days.

“Cmon Eddie. Come dance with us. It’ll be fun I promise.” With a sigh and a small squeak Eddie agreed. Saying goodbye and getting up to get dressed. He knew he wouldn’t have time to tame his bedhead the way he’d like to so he settled for just brushing it back into a beanie. He never wore beanies, but he’d be lying if he said he didn’t look cute in one. The light blue beanie matched his light blue v-neck he paired with a pair of black overall shorts. Of course a huge hoodie to cover him until they got to the club as well. A quick and easy outfit, perfect for dancing but not enough to get any unwanted attention. He’d go, dance with the boys a little, then make an excuse to go home.

The club was about a 15 minute drive in Mike’s old pickup. It was still in the city but almost on the outskirts. Eddie watched as buildings faded and passed by the window. His mind still going back to that cute set of curls with an adorable face to match. He was utterly infatuated and there’s nothing that he could do about it. He didn’t even know his fucking name. His plan had failed. His simple, basic, stupid plan. Failed. The dark blue exterior was lit up with seemingly every colored light imaginable. “Nerve” in bright neon caught Eddie’s eye immediately. It was nice. Definitely a dance club.

As they got to the bouncer, the music from inside came busting through the doors. Although muffled, he could still tell they were playing some rap song with a good beat. Getting in the door was easy enough though, Bill and Eddie were now sporting a black X on their right hands symbolizing they were underage. No drinking for them. The other boys went straight for the bar while Bill and Eddie grabbed a booth on the side of the giant dance floor. They would go actually dance later but for now Eddie just wanted to sit.

“So how was Doctor tall nerdy and curly today?”

“Nonexistent.” Eddie looked at his palms, a little embarrassed.

“What do you mean? What happened?”

“I should’ve known it was a dumb plan. He only filled in the last time because the doctor was busy. I didn’t even see him. The world just has it out for me Billy.”

“Cmon Eddie. You know that’s not true. So you didn’t get to ask out this guy? Oh well. There are plenty of guys out there. I know you gotta sort through the bullshit but it’s not like you’re destined meet your soulmate at 19. You have plenty of time my friend!”

“I know, it’d just be nice to have a boyfriend ya know? Or at least a date every now and then so I don’t feel like I’m making absolutely zero progress.” At that, Mike and Ben walked over with some mixed drinks and a few waters.

“These bad boys are for you bad boys.” Mike winked giving a water to both of the younger boys. After that, the conversation went casual. Boring casual, but casual. Eddie was in his own little world. Still wallowing in disappointment. He was watching Mike and Bill talking but couldn’t get himself to actually listen. His mind always going back.

“I’m gonna head to the bathroom. Then probably dance a little, I’ll come get you before I go out there.” Eddie excused himself from the booth and went searching for the bathrooms. It didn’t take too long, just down a hallway, then some stairs, then to the left. On his way through the hallway he spotted an outdoor area with some chairs and tables. Probably for smokers. The bathrooms were nice enough, for a club at least. No vomit on the floor and no shit smeared on the walls so it’s got that going for it. He did his business, washed his hands for exactly 20 seconds, and headed back up the stairs. An obnoxious voice caught his attention as he walked past the outdoor area. Looking toward the voice, his breath hitched.

There he was. Still tall. Less nerdy. More curly. He wore a black flannel over a vintage band tee and ripped black skinny(ish) jeans. He was a walking wet dream. His hair seemed to curl out in every direction and his glasses nowhere to be seen. He couldn’t help but stare, the guy he’d been pining over for weeks was standing 15 feet away. Right next to the redheaded nurse, Beverly? If he remembered correctly. Like some kind of destiny. Eddie was never one to believe in destiny, so maybe it was his doubts that made him walk away or maybe it was just his anxiety but as he met Tozier’s eyes he walked.

More like he ran, as he decided to leave he caught a glimpse of the set of curls making their way toward him. And he ran, like he always did, hoping to whatever would listen that Tozier hadn’t seen him and he could just go to the dance floor and disappear. The dance floor was dark, only a few lights from the stage to illuminate it, and a giant group of people. It was perfect to hide in. He made his way to the middle, slowly moving his hips to the beat as he walked to make it seem like he was dancing. Surprisingly once he got to the middle he saw Mike and some boy dancing. Well more like grinding on each other. As he got closer he could see blonde curls and a cute face. Mike sure does have a type, and this boy is one hundred percent it.

“Hey stranger. Took you long enough to get back.” Mike was smiling and turned to his dance partner. “This is Stan. He got ditched while his friends went out to smoke. I told him I’d keep him company.”

“Hi Stan, I’m Eddie. Mind if I dance with you guys?”

“Well of course you can. That’s what we’re here for isn’t it?” Eddie couldn’t help but smile as they went back to dancing. The music seemed to flow through his whole body. He wouldn’t say he was the best dancer but he could definitely keep rhythm. He was questioning wearing shorts in December but out here on this sweaty dance floor he couldn’t be more happy to have them. It’s just a perk that they also made his butt look pretty good.

“Staniel, please tell me you were going to introduce me to these cuties.” Eddie slightly jumped at the loud voice behind him. He saw Stan roll his eyes but smile.

“Of course I wasn’t Trashmouth. I was saving them the hassle of knowing you.” Eddie turned to see who Stan could possibly be talking to like that, however he wasn’t expecting to be met with the familiar face of a beautiful stranger.

“Well, if it’s the cutie from the clinic! Glad to see cancer hasn’t taken you yet! How have you been feeling?”

“Lovesick...” Eddie couldn’t believe that came out of his mouth, but he couldn’t help it. He was staring again. “Uh! Sick, just sick. But uh, I’m o-okay now.”

“How is it that we meet again little Eddie Spaghetti? Seems like fate doesn’t it?” The smile on the taller boy’s face seemed to stretch ear to ear. He was so pretty. Eddie was royally fucked. He couldn’t even speak. He just stared.

“How is it that you managed to weird out the shyest boy here?” Stan was shaking his head watching the interaction.

“He doesn’t mind, do ya Eds?” He winked. He fucking winked, like Eddie wasn’t having an internal crisis right in front of him. He wanted to speak but with the shock of Tozier standing in front of him he couldn’t say a word.

“Ya alright there Eddie? Do you need to sit down?” Mike was to his side instantly, checking on him. Eddie really didn’t deserve him and he’d remind him of that later. When he could speak. “Let’s get you to Bill and Ben.”

“Wait. I’m a Doctor. I’m sure I can help him.” Tozier was still being as cocky as ever and something about him drives Eddie crazy.

“You’re an intern, not a doctor.” It came out like word vomit. It seemed like Eddie either said too much or nothing at all. If the rudeness of his statement offended the boy he didn’t show it. He simply smiled that ear reaching smile and bent down to get a closer look at Eddie.

“How high is that heart rate, do you think sugar?” His face was inches away and Eddie couldn’t help but count the freckles splattered across his face. His eyes scanned his whole face taking inventory of those freckles, landing lastly on his lips. He could tell they were a little chapped but in this moment Eddie couldn’t think of anything more appealing than smashing his soft lips into them.

“My eyes are up here darling, at least ask my name before undressing me with your eyes.” Eddie felt two fingers lifting his chin so he could get a look into his eyes.

“I-I wasn’t undressing y-you. Don’t be so cocky, it’s not a flattering look on you.” Tozier’s mouth hung open, definitely not expecting Eddie to have an answer.

“He’s a fiesty one! I like a spicy bottom.” It was Eddie’s turn for his jaw to hit the floor. Mike and Stan watched as the boys slipped into their own little world right there on the dance floor.

“A little forward, huh?”

“When I see something I want? Definitely. I can show you just how forward I can be if you’d let me check out that little body of yours again.”

“I don’t even know your name, as you so crudely pointed out seconds ago. Unless your parents named you Trashmouth and for that I’d say I’m so sorry.”

“What can I say? I’m just talented with my mouth.” That smirk again. “You definitely need my name, so you know what you’ll be screaming later. Richie, Richie Tozier. At you service luv.” Eddie cringed at the terrible British accent but couldn’t help feeling smitten at the same time.

“Well Richie. I’m not one to go home with just anyone. So no can do my good sir.” This time Eddie slipped into a British accent, making Richie’s smile even wider.

“My lord, you are perfect.” The sudden softness in his voice sent a shiver through Eddie’s entire body. He was back in Eddie’s face, he could feel his breath on his lips. “Let me at least take you out. I can’t let you run out of my life like I let you run out of that exam room.”

Without anymore thought, Eddie surged forward catching Richie’s lips with his. It didn’t take long for him to feel Richie’s tongue working his mouth open. He’s never been a fan of smoking, but he could get used to the taste of this Trashmouth.

“How about you pick me up tomorrow? I’ll go to dinner with you then we can see where it goes from there loverboy.”

“That sounds like dream.”

-Taglist

@richietoaster @geckolover001 @pennys-pet-kitty @aesteddie @elhopps @summerxle @mexicanqt @punkrocktozier @richietczicr @tozier-club @kristashae @princesass-theresa @dandeliontozier @doctor-lobster @queennugget3 @halfway-happy353 @reddieafterdark @beep-beep-reddie @hmufinn @stanuterus @not-reddie @curlywheelers @i-is-gazebo @temptedtozier @reddie-to-fight @girasol-eddie @mirandonsky @annoyingtozier @sedanleystanley @richieshawaiianshirts @tyrror

Let me know if you want to be tagged, should’ve been tagged, or no longer want to be tagged!!

[itsdiamondeyesuniverse]

Here’s a thing i’ve been working on the last few days, if i’m honest more days than i should’ve. I really like the idea of a sidewalk-less road for those little towns in the middle of nowhere, but the ones that i found were not exactly how i wanted them to be. I wanted walkbys to walk on the side of the road and not besides the road, but sadly i couldn’t find anything like that, so i tried to make it myself. It’s not perfect, but as i’ve said i’m done wasting my time on this and i think it’s good enough to share. Is it good enough to use? Well, that’s up to you to decide :D

First of all a picture to illustrate what i’m reffering to with walkbys. You know, with Maxis there would be sidewalk, with other sidewalkless roads there would be terrain, but i wanted road:

Image heavy, so beware! Text heavy by default.

Let’s get straight to the flaws. You can notice that my graphics settings are not on its prime, but i’m not sure how much this would matter quality-wise in other games, would this roads look better? Your shadows probably do look better though :D So, to list the flaws: Bluriness of those yellow lines at some angles (i think it’s my graphics) The roads is not round-shaped, but square-shaped, i personally like rounded roads more, but i’m not that much of a texturer and it’s really hard to match terrain. I couldn’t match lot road with hood road perfectly color-wise, but i’m literally having a headache from trying, so fuck it. And a little thing that easily fixable is that trashcans and mailboxes will stand on the road, i personally always move them anyway, so it doesn’t bother me.

Now to list the good things or why i thought i’d share: i couldn’t find an alternative with walkbys and also perfect terrain match, there’s no terrain in this one so it matches perfectly with any terrain :DD I like the yellow lines, so the yellow lines are everywhere, might not be irl road lines accurate, but i think it adds that highway feel. Those roads actually look good in hood view and i made hood deco roads that match perfectly.

Hood view:

Detail of those lines i mentioned and the road square-ness:

Also note that lines seem unproportional to each other on those screens, it’s not true, they’re simmetrical, they all match with each other, it’s the damned camera angle again. Is it my camera or it’s just the game behavior?

Lot view:

Notice how the yellow lines get blurry, i think it’s my graphics issue, but can’t say for sure. Also note color mismatch between hood road and lot road, funny thing that it looks like it’s angle of view dependant as well, i think it looks better matched on second image but they’re both from the same lot same time.

About mailboxes if it wasn’t obvious what i’ve meant:

Download: Desert Road Default

As i’ve said those will work with any terrain type, but i’m only providing desert road version, feel free to make those for any other road types if you want, i’m just using this for desert. Textures for the road aren’t mine, they’re from this default by Zeuss, i took the straight road from it and adjusted it to fit the whole road. For the lot you’ll need CuriousB’s road overlay, which is included in Seasons-Radiance version, but you can get BG and SSNS meshes from this SFS folder shared by CuriousB (since their links on Dropbox is broken) it’s in a Neighborhood sub-folder. If you already have it - just use the one you have.

Everything clearly named and compressorized.

Download desert road default and lot overlays

Download hood deco roads

[UPD] Got an ask for dirt road version, decided to add it to the main post in case someone else wants it, didn’t test it, but should work as intended.

Download dirt road default and lot overlays (overlays the same as in desert one, so if you have both versions you can keep just one version of overlays)

More info on those hood deco roads. They’re on mesh by Criquette and found in misc. There’s 5 basic pieces and also i’ve made 4 additional, in my mind they’re meant for parking lots and between lots like AL alleyes. Those 4 addon roads also have lot overlay version for the same purposes, i’m not making separate link for them so just delete them if you don’t want them. You can have just hood deco if you wish, those aren’t connected to road default in any way.

Check out the color match with the roads though:

But they have stupid seams when zooming out, i don’t think it’s textures fault, it’s either graphics, either the nature of hood deco, either i’m an idiot who can’t place things right, probably that :D

I’ve spent half a day making this post, why am i so fucking slow!? ;( That’s why i post so rarely, it takes hours.

[didyouknowmagic]

Galaxy’s Edge Thoughts

So now having been myself I am gonna give my impressions/feelings on the land as a whole. I’ll try to divide it into attraction, areas, and experiences. 

Falcon Smuggler’s Run

So I had middling expectations for this attraction given the mixed responses I have seen it get and honestly it was cool! The ride is by no means an anchor attraction but the experience of the ride and being in the falcon is VERY satisfying. Couple things to note, this ride is most definitely built so that it can have different missions/layovers so I would expect that to occur sometime within the future. Hopefully right before episode 9. The best experience for the ride is sadly the first two seats which are the pilot potions. I say sadly bc the rarity of getting those job’s is almost entirely random unless you are in a group of 6 and you can haggle with whoever you went with. The other 4 jobs should have had WAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY more thought put into them to make them fun and practical. I think the lack of any real aiming for the gunner positions drains the fun of that role. And for Engineer's the fact that you are required to look away from the main screen/actual attraction in order to do your job correctly feels like a HUGE oversight in basic ride design. I’d almost prefer if the last two seats were just to watch the screen and not have to worry about tanking the mission. With some tweaking they could elevate this attraction to top tier status but as it is the ride is very cool. 

Resistance Forest area 

This is the area directly built around the future headliner attraction Rise of the Resistance. In the area are an X-Wing and a smaller pod racer like ship that I don’t know the name of. This area is very cool to walk around but it’s DESPERATELY apparent that it was meant to be base for resistance character actors. Rey and Chewie do walk around in this area which is cool to see but again it would be nice to see other spies or pilots walking around maybe trying to recruit guests. Just a fore warning you’re going to see a common theme of the negatives here being lack of streetmosphere. 

Marketplace

Now here is where batuu starts to pick up in excitement is the marketplace area, it’s bright vibrant and filled with cast and guest alike all bumbling around. It’s a bit smaller than I had envisioned and is by no means any sort of diagon alley competition when it comes to shops. But I like that they went for realistic small shops with precise merch for each location the storytelling of the land really shines in this area and it just feels immersive. The Merch is cool, and very pricy but if you are star wars fan there is a LOT to want to buy there I’d say I am a pretty novice/low level fan and even I wanted to walk away with a few goodies. 

Dining Docking Bay 7/Ronto Roasters

Both of the quick service eateries here are VERY cool to walk through and see and though I didn’t eat there I have heard nothing but positive reviews on the food online. The environments of Ronto Roasters compliments the marketplace as it serves as the bookend for it and it’s just really cool to walk by a giant Pod racer engine spit roasting giant slabs of meat. Docking bay 7 entire design was also very cool to look at with it’s giant cargo crates as tables and furniture. 

Oga’s Cantina

Now here is really the only thing that let me down. The cantina’s enviorment itself is pretty cool to be in, but the entire way it’s operated KILLS the experience. There is a time limit of 45 minutes and a drink limit of 2 per person, which is sadly understandable given how in demand the bar is and how everyone wants to go. But here is the thing, if the cantina experience was so pivotal to the star wars mythos and one of the things that people want to experience, It should have HELD PRIORITY IN DESIGN. The bar should have been either WAY BIGGER or there should have been more than one location with different designs. Something anything to help alleviate the issues bc being rushed in ordering one drink and then having my waiter bring my check before I even got the option to ask for another drink just sucked? You get up to look around the bar a cast member finds you very quickly and informs you to move so they can seat someone at your spot immediately. The entire design of this one baffled me and to me seemed like the area most obvious of budget cuts. The cantina should have been a walk through area that was large enough to hold the various people wanting to visit inside but the final result leaves a bad taste in my mouth. Which is funny bc the drinks were fucking amazing and left a great taste in my mouth (I got the Jedi Mind Trick and My friend ordered the T-16 I believe?)

Blue Milk

The milk is good but also something I don’t think I’d ever want to order more than once lol It tastes like bubble gum melted down into a chalky milkeshake? Very interesting, definitely try it once! The green one tasted like a cool candle or the scent of grass on soarin. 

First Order Area

Again while it is cool to see Kylo and two storm troopers patroling this area it is baffling to me that they haven’t moved captain phasma’s first order march to this area of the park. It would elevate the stakes and the feeling of that little corner and yet it’s just kylo and two storm troopers. Also again you can see in this area empty stages, unused stunt area’s, etc It’s very apparent this was meant to be the portion of the land with the most kinetic energy and yet thanks to a bald man in a polo shirt it has none. 

Droid Depot/Dok Ondars/Savi’s 

Walking through Droid Depot is very cool, I didn’t do this or Savi’s as an experience but I have read from other places that people seem to seriously enjoy them! Dok Ondar’s was super cool to see and holds one of the few large animations the land has at the moment! So give it a visit if you want to see! I wish the cast would interact with him more like was promised in the press headlines about the store but as is it’s very cool to see! 

All in all I think the land is freaking amazing and definitely makes you feel like you are someplace else than Hollywood studios. The loss of it’s streetmosphere and dining sadly hold the land back in very large ways but these are all fixable issues! The foundations are strong in this one and with some tweaking I really think it could be the best area disney has done! As is it’s definitely a land you don’t wanna miss! 

[ineedrelationshipadvice]

How do I make this better my gf is so emotionally unavailable and acts like I'm overreacting any time i go to her with a problem. We never kiss anymore, sex feels like a chore. It used to be perfect but now it's like the threat of breaking up is constantly there. Anytime there's a problem she closes herself off and will go days without talking to me. I love her more than anything but I think sadly she's fallen out of it. Not to mention we're stuck in a lease together for almost a whole year.

Honestly, the most complicated part of this situation seems to be the lease, if anything. I don't know what to do there; that's just complicated in general, and I can't give much useful advice on what to do with that regard.

But generally, these are signs that a relationship is on a downturn. Things might still be fixable! But it'll take effort for people on both sides of this.

Let's clarify some things though. Firstly, although it's nice when a partner is emotionally available - that's usually part of the point of relationship - people also have to take care of themselves. So if your partner is dealing with a lot of problems, that might be a reason she is not able to help you with things. You're responsible for your own problems at the end of the day, and although it's nice when someone else is there to support us, it's not her job; she's not your therapist or adviser.

That being said, sex should ideally not feel like a chore, you should be getting the physical fulfillment you want in a relationship, and there is basically no excuse for someone going days without talking to you.

You should sit down and talk to your partner, and let her know that your relationship is in dire straits, at least on your end. Tell her that you're having a lot of different issues with the relationship. She might not even know! But I'm betting she's noticed as well. Either way, raise the issues you've shared with me, and explain to her that it's negatively impacting your relationship as a whole. Ask her if she has any issues with the relationship and try to listen to what she has to say.

If you two can come to some sort of agreement on how to move forward, that would be ideal. You need to do your best to try to listen to the concerns that are likely going on with her, and express the concerns that you have. Because like you've implied, it's untenable what you're doing right now.

Two things. Firstly, if you begin to express this to your girlfriend, and she just shuts down, I would honestly and basically immediately begin considering this relationship right now. If you present very real issues regarding the future of your relationship and she is not willing to have that discussion in like the next week, minimum, I would say that she is not invested in a way that is supportive of you as a person, and you should really begin to consider your other options.

Secondly, if you're able to express yourself to her, give her some time. I don't know how long you two have been dating, so it's hard for me to give you a good estimate. But I would generally say give her about 1-3 months, depending on your circumstance (probably aiming for the high end of that estimation). That's because I assume many of the issues you will be presenting to her will take some time for adjustment, and there's no reason to be reacting too fast with regards to her trying to fix things on her end. Similarly, she may say some things to you that you may not want to hear, that'll require some change on your part. You should be allowed the same sort of breathing room to make those adjustments on your end to make her happy.

And finally, if you both get to the stage where a break up is the best option, then you're in weird adult territory. Generally what I hear - and again, I'm no expert on what to do in these cohabitation situations - is that people will either tough it out and live with their ex because it's cheaper, break the lease and ditch (paying any associated fines), or otherwise leave and find new housing, pay their share on the lease until it ends, and just make their own way in a new living situation away from their ex. That's on you if it comes to that; let's hope it doesn't!

[cripdeaf]

Why do you feel the need to exaggerate and lie about your illnesses? I don't doubt you're ill, but you just pick up every single disability going around. You're not blind or deaf, and certainly not paralysed. What's the point in lying?

Hi, are you my doctors? No? Then why do you feel the need to come here and do this every couple of months? I’m assuming you’re same person who’s been stalking me on here for the last year; if you are, I’m sorry for being an abusive shit to you, but I don’t know what you’re trying to achieve by constantly sending me anon asks yelling at me for being a fake.I’m so fucking tired of this; why do you think this is okay? What the hell do you want from me? I don’t know what to tell you, anon; either you’re doing this just to be an asshole, or you won’t fuck off until I hand you a diagnosis letter on a silver fucking platter.

Also, you do realise to get hearing aids (especially fully government subsidised ones), you don’t just get tested once, right? You do realise that getting an ophthalmology referral isn’t all sunshine and daisies, right? You do realise that spine issues are often degenerative, and also accompany EDS a lot, right?I have spent years trying to be as abled as I possibly can, and I am sick of it. It is exhausting. It is painful. I am done.

Or do you think I’m saying I’m profoundly deaf and totally blind? Because that’s not what I’m saying at all; deafness is a wide range of things, as is blindness.If it’ll sate your shitty attitude, I’ll explain my experiences medically with deafness and blindness, and you can ask another Australian d/Deaf / HoH and / or blind / VI person if I’m bullshitting or not.

It’s also helpful info for other d/Deaf / HoH and / or blind / VI and / or paralysed folx to have this information, so I’ll probably copy-paste it into its own post at some point.

Here’s how getting hearing aids under the Hearing Services Program, specifically the Community Service Obligation part of it (for folx under 26); you get your hearing tested, either through Australian Hearing or another audiologist (I went to the audiology clinic run by Melb Uni on Swanston St, on recommendation of my doctor after knowing I’m deaf for my whole life but just not having a diagnosis because “my child cannot be disabled in any way”, which is something a lot of d/Deaf / HoH and disabled folx experience). They a bunch of different tests; almost all of them are relating to pure tone (beeping noise), where you press a button when you hear the sound, often with various levels of static masking in your other(?) ear. Pretty sure it’s masking in the opposite ear; never figured that part out, even after four different tests in the last year. It sounds like it’s coming from all over.Some of the tests are about word recognition; I, personally, have about 70% in my left ear (with sound magnification), I think? It’s been a while since I got the number. I do pretty well, but they’re also single-syllable words that’re really clearly enunciated, so that definitely helps.Some of them are automatic, and you cannot fake these. These are mostly used for hearing aid tuning, in my experiences; example is when I went in a couple of weeks ago to get my new earmoulds and have them turned up, they did an automatic test to check exactly what needed to be turned up (my high ranges).So, after your initial test, if you’re not with Australian Hearing, they’ll transfer you to them; if you are, they’ll chat to you about what you want out of HAs, what kind of colours you’re after, etc.; I wanted Bluetooth, telecoil (for hearing loops), and nice colours. Sadly, I only got one of those things, and my audiologist is chasing down someone to ask if we can apply for new HAs already because we’re not meeting my goals for them—unfortunately, the colour thing isn’t gonna change though. I got white to make sure they’d be visible regardless of my hair colour, though I wanted this really nice light blue.Anyways, so they order the hearing aids, you come back a few weeks later, have another hearing test; this test determines the initial programming for your HAs, though they’ll be tuned here and there over the next few weeks depending on how well they’re working (or not) for you. This stage is the worst part of it, honestly.For me, I also had to go back and get my earpieces changed a few times because I don’t have the right kind of canals for soft tips, but I also don’t have the right kinds of canals for discrete moulds (plus, they’re uncomfy, imo), but it’ll heavily depend on your needs, the shape of your ears, etc.

I have visual acuity of 6/60 (20/200) + 1 I think; I can see, I just struggle to determine what the fuck I’m looking at unless it’s A) big, or B) I’m straining my eyes (bad for you!! don’t do this!!!). This is pretty common in blind / VI folx, as not every one of us can’t see anything; legal blindness and total blindness are different. I am legally blind (in Australia and the US, at least; not sure about other countries) and also have a near-vision classification of N18, which is moderate near vision impairment. I sometimes wear glasses to read, and it makes things a little clearer, but ultimately, it’s just more hassle than it’s worth to me, so I mostly just struggle and go without.With my distance vision, glasses stopped helping me a few years ago (I’ve been wearing them since I was ten), and I’ve been seeing optometrists a lot lately to keep an eye (ha) on it because it’s been getting worse, especially with floaters and little grey dots that occasionally pop into view; I’ve seen three in the last five or six months because of it. What optometrists can do is pretty limited overall, so at the most recent visit the optometrist just went “we can’t do anything, there’s no signs of retinal detachment or anything, you need someone with better tools”, so now I’ve been referred to the Royal Eye & Ear Hospital and am waiting to hear back from them.

Deafblindness also doesn’t follow the rules of legally blind.For someone to be Deafblind, it just means they’re VI and also Deaf; it’s dual sensory impairment, and how being deaf and VI intersect when it comes to interacting with the world around us. Not every Deafblind person is profoundly deaf and totally blind; it’s a huge misconception!So, no, needing glasses and being d/Deaf doesn’t make you Deafblind, but being visually impaired (”having decreased ability to see to a degree that causes problems not fixable by usual means, such as glasses”) and also d/Deaf does. It’s more of a cultural group than anything.Most commonly (afaik), Deafblind folx have Usher’s Syndrome, but not everyone does, and deafblindness can come from various things, both genetic and acquired; genetic stuff, of course, is luck of the draw. Having a connective tissue disorder did me no favours in keeping my sight—which was better than 20/20 when I was really little, by the way, so it’s interesting now thinking back about it. I’ve been losing my vision in “chunks” since I was about ten; not great, but it is what it is. I’m okay with it; I’m not afraid of it anymore, and that’s why I’m open about it now.

Now onto paralysis:Paralysis is a pretty broad term, and it doesn’t just mean “can’t move at all”, it can mean “can’t move well”, or “struggles with fine motor movement”, or plenty of other stuff; I have paralysis caused by spinal cord damage over the course of my life, as well as repeated herniated discs and spinal cysts, which has landed me in and out of hospital a lot in the last couple of years.For me, paralysis is I have hypertonia and struggle to move my legs, especially lifting them when I’m sitting or laying down; I had to talk to a neurosurgeon about this back in February and was told “if this gets worse you’re going to need spinal surgery” and proceeded to sweep that under the rug because let’s not deal with major surgery right now, thanks. I’m also now taking Lyrica to help manage the neuropathic pain I get from this; takes the edge off a little, so that’s nice.wrt my upper body, I have a lot of issues with trunk control and getting myself back up from leaning, especially to the back, as well as II also sometimes piss and shit myself because I often have moments of “wait, is this spine pain, or do I need to shit?” and just general struggles with holding it until I get to a bathroom (especially when I’m having to chase down security guards to get them to unlock the bathroom). Thankfully, it’s not an overly common occurrence, but it still sometimes is one.A lot of this is suspected to be caused by two bike accidents and someone (a kid) falling on me from two storeys up when I was nine, because I wasn’t the most self-aware child, but the rest is just chronic illness being a chronic illness and going “hey, remember me? I brought you more stuff!” (like the cyst).

Also, in case you want proof of anything:[ID: a pair of white hearing aids with red dragon stickers on them, connected to clear skeleton moulds, and sitting on a yellow cloth, inside a grey, vaguely egg-shaped box. Sitting on the bottom half of the box are two blue Post-It tabs reading “Go Fuck Yourself,” and “Anon”, respectively, in green marker.]

idk how you’d have me prove anything else, but this is a good starting point.

If you’d like to actually talk to me about this, I’m more than happy to, even if it’s from a throwaway blog, go ahead, I don’t mind, just please stop spreading harmful “gotcha” rhetoric; even if I was faking it, who’s the next “actually disabled” person whose disability supports get cut because of false accusations? Because it happens. People die from this sort of thing.

[mortiel]

Mass Effect Andromeda Post-Mortem Disquisition

Preface

Recently, I had this impulse that it was about time I sat down and put my thoughts on Mass Effect Andromeda to "paper" in a more coherent manner than previous comments, and in a conclusive way that gives everyone the explanation behind my decisions that they deserve.

This turned out to be an amazingly horrible idea. I'm overly verbose at my most concise of times, and this was a very complicated matter. Needless to say, these penned thoughts now rival the Encyclopedia Britannica in length. Seriously, if you all make it through this in one sitting without falling asleep, you deserve a bloody cookie or something.

Now, as many have noticed, my build guides and live streams for the game have stopped. My future content planned for map guides and strategies have also been canceled.

The reasoning? As a pro-consumer advocate, I cannot justify continuing to make content that supports a game that I personally would not recommend anyone buy. Each build guide, live stream, or other content I make for this game perpetuates the idea that I support the game and that you should buy it. Such is no longer the case. This decision unfortunately took much longer than it should have, as I spent literally months in a state of cognitive dissonance.

So now here we are. To keep things orderly, this will be broken down into a clear format: Opening, Single Player, Multiplayer, Community, and Summary. Mostly so I don't get lost and start wandering around a supermarket in my underwear like a dementia patient.

So, without further distraction, allow me to present my disquisition on Mass Effect Andromeda:

Opening

Mass Effect Andromeda has been a game of unparalleled and divisive controversy. Even the months leading up to launch, there were lines of people in camps looking for both ways to love and hate the game. It was abundantly clear this game had a lot of passionate people anticipating its launch.

Unfortunately, the game made a really poor first impression on people due to issues that were anywhere from aesthetic like facial animations to tedious like stellar flight animations to game-breaking like multiplayer server outages. First impressions are everything, and the game's first impression was reason why the game was received so poorly.

After most of those issues started clearing up so did the criticisms. It was then that one started to get a clearer understanding of what Andromeda did well and not-so-well outside of fixable bugs.

Single Player

The gameplay of Andromeda was, for the most part, a vast improvement over previous games. Before launch, I was vocally concerned about the "sticky-cover" being introduced, especially after playing Ghost Recon Wildlands that has a horrible sticky-cover system. I can happily admit my concerns proved to be unfounded. The game is generally fun to play... Be it driving in the Nomad or in combat.

The worlds were also quite well made, for the most part. The first planet I'm pretty sure had colour-swapped art assets ripped from Inquisition's Breach. Or was it actually the Breach?

[#SharedUniverseConfirmed]

Otherwise, the game looked great. Harvarl was honestly my favourite as far as design goes, but that's not shocking considering is was much smaller than the other planet maps. Smaller maps mean level designers can get more detail in the same timeframe as larger maps with only a small impact on game performance.

Unfortunately, that's where most of my praise ends. See, Andromeda is, as is BioWare's forte, an RPG. It's not an action-adventure game that is focused primarily on action and environmental storytelling. It has a very clear narrative. The problem is that the narrative is largely re-using most of the story elements from Mass Effect 2 while poorly trying to copy the companions from Mass Effect 1.

Why is copying ME2a problem? Wasn't that one of the best titles in the franchise? ME2 was the second story in a trilogy. That kind of story presumes the player already is entrenched in the current environment... Lore, protagonists, antagonists. You should already have your "compass" in the story, but that's not very easy when everything is new.

The examples of this start early with the death of Alec Ryder in the very beginning. The player has no real emotional connection with Alec, so an extremely influential character had no more weight than a red-shirt like Jenkins from ME1. The way I equate that is to imagine if ME2 were the first ME game you played... Shepard dying 15 minutes in would really mean nothing to you as the player. You have no attachment to him by 15 minutes in… Unless, of course, you just spent the entirety of another game playing as him and cultivating relationships with him and the crew.

And then we get the poorly copied companions. In ME1, you have 2 permanent human companions (after Eden Prime) with Ashley and Kaiden. Both fit on the crew because they are assigned to the Normandy by the Alliance military. Personality-wise, you had the Kaiden the emotionally conservative and Ashley the emotionally radical. You other companions: Liara, Garrus, Tali, Wrex... You were able to experience the motivation of why they joined you first-hand:

Liara was a scientist specialising in Protheans, and you needed her help to better understand the Prothean Beacon and information it gave you. Socially, she was nerdy and socially awkward in a "quirky cute" way, making her more endearing to some.

Garrus was a C-Sec officer convinced Saren was bad and determined to prove it even without the Council's approval, and Shepard was in a unique position to facilitate that. Socially, his strong convictions and aspirations to bring justice make him a strong moral compass for some.

Tali found evidence of a bigger plot behind Saren, and, having some insight into Geth enemy you were facing, was ideal for the mission. Socially, Tali's soft-spoken idealism act to brighten the mood of the story.

Wrex claims to "just want in on the action" after you help him take down Fist, but deeper inspection finds that he admires Shepard and sees him displaying attributes he thought of as what a Krogan should be.

Compare that to Andromeda: Two humans, male and female, assigned to the mission with Cora and Liam. Inverse the genders of the ME1 humans, where Cora is the emotionally conservative one and Liam is the emotionally radical. And by “radical" I mean immature. Seriously, he's like a bloody preteen. Sadly there is no Virmire on which to leave Liam.

As far as the aliens go:

Peebee joined because you're investigating Remnant vaults and she is somehow an "expert" on "RemTech", despite only studying it for a few months by herself. It's trying to match to Liara, except Liara had been studying Protheans for decades with teams of researchers. Peebee has the same “nerdy and socially awkward" trait found in Liara, again trying to get that "quirky cute" vibe.

Drack joins because... He likes killing Kett, I guess? It's essentially distilling Wrex into "just a thug" and trying to copy that. Unfortunately, whereas Wrex peels personality layer back like a turtle-shaped onion, Drack never really evolves and grows as a character. You just find out his organs are failing because he's so badass.

Vetra joins because she can help you with "stuff" and serves as a sort of quartermaster for a ship of maybe a dozen people. Despite the fact that her apparent talents in wheeling-and-dealing would be better served to both Tempest and Nexus if she were on the latter not the former. Makes perfect sense if you don't think about it. However, BioWare determined we "need" a Garrus on the crew. Except Garrus was so much more complex even just within the story of ME1. Vetra sadly will never match Garrus' reach and flexibility.

Jaal was the only exception here. Superficially, he's a copy of Javik from ME3 in his archetype, true, but he at least felt like he had a reason for being on the ship: A liaison/ambassador to the Angarans. Surprisingly, his character also has actual depth and dimension, albeit at times he felt like the “man-meat" in a Harlequin romance novel... Surprised he was missing full head of long flowing hair and wasn't introduced to us by galloping a horse down a beach at sunset whilst shirtless. He's the Fabio trope in an alien body, but that makes him interesting nonetheless, even if only comically so.

Why am I focused on the companions so much? Because that has been one of the foundational pillars of BioWare storytelling… From HK-47 to Kang the Mad to Mordin Solus, BioWare has defined themselves by crafting memorable and endearing companions. Mass Effect 3 was all the more memorable because you got to experience the effects of the Reaper War on each of the people you had befriended along the way. BioWare felt as though it lost touch with that cornerstone by recycling character archetypes from Mass Effect 1.

BioWare has not been as solid with major narrative writing of late, however. Case in point, Andromeda’s was seemingly copied directly from Mass Effect 2. Archon is a generic bad guy. You could insert Coryfish or Harbinger-Possessed Collector#212 instead and I'd be unable to tell the difference. His motivation is ripped straight from ME2... I was honestly waiting for him to announce that he was the Harbinger of our perfection at several points. This is honestly the gravest problem to me... So few stories nowadays can give us a compelling antagonist. No one ever makes the bad guy relatable anymore. Saren, despite his reasoning being warped by Indoctrination, thought he was SAVING everyone. Loghain was convinced that fighting Darkspawn would leave Ferelden open to attack from Orlais, which he judged to be the worse of two evils. Eredin's home world was on the brink of annihilation. You hate all of those antagonists because they all did something you find reprehensible as the player, but all of them have motivations that at least you could find understandable albeit going about things the wrong way.

And then we had the conversations. BioWare got rid of the really thematically weak binary morality system… And replaced it with something worse. They tried to copy Dragon Age 2's"mood" choices, where you'd be given choices that would fit a certain personality style you could use to better role-play your character. Which would have been fantastic, albeit I can't imagine why anyone would choose anything other than Snarky.

Unfortunately, the writing team appeared to have not really fleshed that out since you are rarely given a full gamut of choices. Most times you are given the choice between “logical" and "emotional" responses and that's it. Even then, there were times when those two options were the exact same line! This was naturally compounded with the long-standing problem with "summarized conversation wheels" where what the summary of a choice sounds like it means and what your character says are often two completely different things.

The combination of all those things made the main story feel like fan-fiction, not BioWare's famous storytelling.

Then we get the side quests. The MMO fetch quests forced into the game as filler because BioWare had to shoehorn in the "open world" gimmick into a game that really did not need it. It is content padding... It fills the world with “stuff" and keeps the player in the game for longer. Worse yet, larger side-quest arcs were left unfinished. Those both are design choices based on deliberate tactic used to maintain market demand for DLC. I know a lot of people are still angry about not getting any single player DLC, but the truth is that many games are releasing nowadays as DLC-selling frameworks rather than actual full-featured titles, and that's horrible for consumers. This was no exception.

Overall, the sheer lack of creativity in the single player story really lend credence to the rumours of project leadership woes during the process of creating this game. This feels like a game made in eighteen months, not five years.

Multiplayer

Then we go on to the multiplayer. Before the game launched, I had a lot of concerns about the multiplayer when coming from Dragon Age Inquisition that had extremely flawed design choices. Many of the developers/producers were actually very forthcoming with assuaging my concerns. There would be no promotion system that allowed player stratification and the RNG loot table would be more akin to ME3'smultiplayer where you gain items from packs until they reach Rank X and they are removed from the drop table. Seemed great.

My first complaint from the beginning was that the multiplayer character skill points were now tied into the RNG drop table… Whereas ME3 awarded you appearance options for repeated drops of the same character, MEA also added skill points every other drop, meaning you now had to get a character dropped to Rank X before you could use them to their fullest. Furthermore, whereas previously each class had a linked XP pool for all the characters of that class, Andromeda separated them all out. Both were done to extend playtime in order to increase potential microtransaction sales.

The second complaint I had was that powers, weapons and combos all felt grossly underpowered. An often-quoted statistic in games difficulty balance is “time to kill", or TTK. As the name implies, this is the time it would realistically take a player to kill an enemy. The TTK on average in Andromeda was nearly 70% longer than ME3's multiplayer. It didn't make the game more difficult, just more tedious. Enemies taking too long to kill are often called “bullet sponges", and are generally not liked in games primarily because it's a done to make the enemy more difficult, which it does not do.

Then, once the game officially launched (I was playing the multiplayer before launch), the multiplayer matchmaking servers would experience frequent disconnections and almost daily outages. That meant that the times when you could even get into the multiplayer mode, chances of finishing a match would extremely small.

Needless to say, I did my due diligence and carefully outlined these problems to BioWare.

The server issues were a high priority and fixed within the first week or two. Then BioWare started giving new content and balance changes for multiplayer. Fortunately, the feedback that I and many others had given to BioWare helped them to better balance the damage output of players, leading to a more enjoyable experience. My other feedback was ignored, which I waved off because I suspected there wasn’t much to be done about some of the more deeply engrained design problems.

However, ME3veterans would quickly notice that new content delivered was considerably less substantial than what ME3 received. Whereas ME3 received tons of new characters, weapons, and maps in bulk drops every month or two, Andromeda saw a trickle of content… A new character here; A new weapon there… Maybe a map once and a while. The amount and variety of content delivered to the multiplayer was next to nothing, which not how you keep people playing a horde-mode multiplayer bordering on being completely forgettable.

Then Patch 1.09happened. For those not acquainted with this horrendous excuse for profiteering, BioWare released its largest content drop to date… Which saw very little actual new content. Instead they doubled the amount of drops you could get for a single character (from Rank X to Rank XX) and quadrupled the amount of weapons drops in a similar fashion… Now, each weapon had three variants that would start dropping once that weapon was Rank X, each themselves dropping up to Rank X. The three variants, or "augmentations", each had a generic added effect that was the same for each gun. BioWare called it “extending the progression" for the multiplayer.

Now, why was that a big deal? It means you have more to work toward, right? Unfortunately, that's not actually it. See, as I said, all the loot is based on RNG lootboxes. YouPlay some matches, buy some "packs" (lootboxes) and get random items as a reward. There are different grades of lootboxes that offer differing rarities of items. Simple, right? Well, sure, until you start looking at the numbers.

During the same time period (March-September), BioWare has released 28 new weapons and characters in ME3MP compared to 13 new weapons and characters to MEAMP. You'd think that would mean there’d be less “grind” to MEAMP, but unfortunately, this is where things get unsettling:

For those 28 new weapons and characters, it totaled 172 drops one would need to get to max your manifest. With the 13 new weapons and characters in MEAMP, it totals 540 drops to max. This is due to the “S” variants of common weapons, the additional character ranks, and weapons augmentation that pad drops without actually adding anything new. MEAMP has added more than three times as many RNG drops while adding less than half of the new content. And those numbers are only for new content… If I factored in what was available at launch, the difference would be even more insane.

Sounds a bit shady, right? That’s because it is. More drops means more “grind”. More “grind” makes microtransactions look more appealing. I’ve written out thoughts before on how delicate balancing the “grind” of free-to-play games is, where you have to respect the time of the free player while still encouraging microtransaction sales. This is an example of an unbalanced system, mostly because it relies on RNG lootboxes. If you think all I’ve said sounds malevolent now, just wait.

See, this RNG lootbox system is employed by a lot of games, most of which are free to play. It relies on manipulating the player into falling for a mixture of the Gambler's Fallacy and the Sunk-Cost Fallacy.

The former is when a person assumes the statistical probability of past events affect the outcome of statistic events in the future. For example: Losing thousands at roulette is acceptable because it means I’m about to win big on the next spin.

The latter plays off the fallacious logic that the more time/money/effort you spend on something the more indebted to that something you become. For example: Losing thousands at a craps table means I have to keep playing until I win because otherwise all I’ve spent up to now was wasted.

The comparison to gambling is deliberate.

The RNG lootbox system is frankly a manipulative and unethical business practice. Even if the game is rated M, children and young adults still play these games where their minds are still not fully developed, and companies like BioWare are legally allowed to effectively get them addicted to gambling with this system. Most governments don't see this as gambling because the reward has no material value. You know what country has actually taken a stand against this? China. China is the country forward-thinking enough to realise how bad this practice is and have classified it as gambling. "China" and “forward-thinking" are not two words you often hear in the same sentence in the Western World.

I understand BioWare is a business and wants to make money. That's quite fine. Instead, they could employ more ethical microtransactions like those employed by Digital Extremes in Warframe: If I want to unlock a specific character or weapon, I can buy that outright for real money. The cost should be dependent on the difficulty to obtain. To acquire them for free, I have to earn them from more time consuming tasks like playing a specific map, against a specific enemy type, or both. Of course, in order to maximize revenue from the more ethical business model, BioWare would have to commit to releasing a considerably greater amount of new content for the multiplayer than what Andromeda has.

To be completely honest, given the level of separation ME multiplayer has from its single player even in the development cycle and that they are targeted at two separate audiences, I've honestly been suggesting that BioWare should consider spinning it into a standalone free to play title. I think the same should happen to DA multiplayer as well. Then it can see a small team of continuing support with new characters, weapons, maps, and balance changes. All funded by those new, more ethical microtransactions I suggested. But I digress.

Community

Now this is where things get unpleasant. Andromeda itself, despite my criticism, is an overall above average game in its current state. It is not terrible, but also not very good. This is why I used to not recommend purchasing it unless you got it on sale for at least 50% off. That's what I felt the game is worth.

However, what turned that recommendation from "Get It On Sale" to "Avoid Like The Plague" is the community.

While many, if not most, of the community around BioWare games are amiable enough and just enjoy the games, there is a sinister fanaticism that lurks in the dark places of the community. This fringe fanaticism either fervently hates or passionately loves the game, and harbors and intense level of bigotry.

Months before Andromeda was released, videos were being made openly calling for a boycott of BioWare games due to the political ideologies of individuals working (at that time) for BioWare, while others were praising BioWare for those same ideologies. Both positions were a Fallacy of Composition… Assuming that something true of one part of a body must also be true of the whole body.

If only that were the end of it. As launch got closer, so did the intensity of turning any developer interviews or updates into some kind of political clash. In all fairness, this was not exclusive to Andromeda… In fact, I could posit that it might just be a reflection of the then-current state of modern society. Regardless, Andromeda was controversial without ever having posed a single controversial position.

Then BioWare made a mistake. It gave out press copies of Andromeda to review outlets and "influencers”, the latter of which I will be discussing more in a moment. However, while reviewers were under an embargo that prevented them from releasing their review until the day before the game was released, BioWare allowed “influencers" and people that subscribe to EA/Origin Access to play and stream the game for 10 hours one week before release.

By the time professional reviews came out… Which were generally positive… There was so much confusion already permeating the internet. Clear, concise, and fair-minded criticism was drown in a sea of angry denouncement and cult-like devotion.

After a few scathing criticisms and popular memes arising due to issues in the game, a few of BioWare's loyal influencers" set about attempting to counter much of the criticism leveled at the game either by justifying mistakes and design choices or by outright attempting to discredit critics themselves.

Let's take Mass Effect Follower (now known as BioWare Follower), for example. He made a video titled Addressing the Criticism in Mass Effect Andromeda where he attempts to simultaneously justify the existence of bugs in the game while discrediting those that was put forward with comments like:

"Now, the reviews are people's opinions and nothing but that. [...] That should not deter you from trying out the game and seeing if you enjoy it yourself. Some people are not a fan of RPGs or open-world games and from there they're not going to like Mass Effect Andromeda and therefore they're going to write negative things about the game. Plus, as many of you know from being on the internet, some people just like to cause negative feedback. [...] They just want to say bad things about a game just to fuel hate. [...] Try to ignore them if you can."

Yup, he just tells people to ignore all negative reviews, because they either don't like RPGs/open-world games or they are just trying to promote hate. Or like this:

"All the story missions I've played have all felt well written and set up. The side missions I've done are widely varying in what you have to do and they feel like they have a meaning. The random characters I come across feel alive and like they have a purpose for being there."

Which feels like a legitimate public statement written by BioWare themselves. This first point made there I've already outlined my heavily diverging viewpoint, and the second two points are outright falsehoods. Essentially the video asks people to ignore negative criticisms of the game and just buy it based on his questionable claims on quality. Then, for all the bugs, hope that the game would be fixed and hope that the story would get better based on nonexistent future content.

On a small level, I pity channels like BWFollower. Once a channel becomes a certain size, it becomes beholden to the content it makes. When that content relies on an amicable relationship with a corporate AAA developer, a channel might feel pressured to make content that portrays work of that corporate AAA developer in a favorable light or risk being black-listed by that developer. It's an unenviable position, but it's entirely self-imposed.

This kind of content is what's known as subversive advertising, and it's not always done knowingly. BWFollower may not have realized that he was manipulating people into making a purchase that they may not have wanted. Nonetheless, it does not change the effect it had. When you are a public figure... One that a major AAA game developer would consider to be an "influencer", you have a responsibility and a trust... One which BWFollower completely failed. It is about the most anti-consumer reaction to a game possible because it crippled the ability for consumers to get fair and honest information before making a purchase.

Not everyone has money to waste on a game they won't enjoy, and so-called "trusted" voices countering healthy consumer feedback undermines the trust consumers have in those of us that with any measure of public responsibility. This utter deception perpetrated by several similar such "influencers" was, without a doubt, one of the most pivotal elements leading to the consumer backlash against Andromeda. The Streisand Effect, they call it.

Summary

Overall, I think Andromeda was indicative of the overall state of BioWare during the development of Inquisition and Andromeda... Including the upcoming Anthem. They were creatively rudderless, sailing whatever way the wind was blowing, denoting a lack of proper creative leadership and overall project vision.

Now, that may have changed. BW Montreal was merged into EA Motive and Aaron Flynn was replaced by Casey Hudson as GM of BioWare (essentially their top spot in the company). The only beacon of hope that Anthem won't turn out to be as bland as Inquisition/Andromeda is that Drew Karpyshyn (the main reason BioWare games are popular) is the lead writer on the project.

As I write this, the multiplayer is still currently receiving updates but the single player support was ended a few weeks ago. I imagine that Andromeda's multiplayer will continue receiving updates for months to come as they continue to unethically on money out of players through manipulative microtransactions that really should be legally classified as gambling.

Going forward from here, there are several lessons and opportunities for BioWare. They have already made changes to their organisation that may see their content improve. However, I will not presume that. Time will reveal what, if any, effect those changes create.

The lesson I have learned is that corporate greed inevitably diseases creativity. Not only has this experience made me extremely distrustful of BioWare, but AAA game development as a whole, which is honestly for the best. Businesses should not be entitled to your patronage. They should earn it. Something which BioWare has seemingly forgotten.

In writing this, however, the most unexpected realization result from the release of the latest entry of BioWare's most popular franchise: Where their path forward became much less certain to many fans, mine became clear. More information on that will be coming soon.

That, in its totality, is my post-mortem of Mass Effect Andromeda. Feel free to share your thoughts on the game and stayed tuned for some new things coming soon.

Once again, this is Angelus de Mortiel, signing off.

[lostsummerdayz]

Castle Point Anime Convention Wrap-Up!

Castle Point Anime Convention is in the books! It surely indeed was one for the books as well, coming from someone who has not attended Castle Point in literal years. Try...2012 to be exact. Seven years passes by so flipping fast. To think, the last time I was at this convention was back when I was a mere nineteen year old! Regardless, time flies and as we get older and we evolve, so too must our conventions that we attend. If conventions do not improve of evolve, then they will never last for the long term. Rather dire things to say for an opening to a wrap-up post, but it’s how I personally feel on the matter. It’s a challenge for grassroots conventions to pull it off, but for those who do, the payoffs are grand. In Castle Point’s case, they have pulled it off. They have evolved greatly from the small yet modest “college con” that I recall attending way back when.

KDA Akali by projectxayah and KDA Evelynn by melanubis

As such, to end this foreword, I’ll be making some comparisons to the last time I attended CPAC back in 2012, to now, throughout this article. It’s going to be quite a lengthy read, so strap in everyone!

The Meadowlands Expo venue was simple to arrive with no issues on our end. A simple fifteen-minute-at-best-half-hour-at-worse-due-to-traffic bus ride from Port Authority was all that was needed to arrive. The bus stop even lets you off directly in front of the convention center itself! Here is where I can immediately talk about how helpful the staff was towards myself and the rest of the podcast. When we needed help as far as knowing where to go and con assistance in general, everyone was able to help, but, there weren’t any crowding that I noticed as well. Lines were handled well, and the Dealer’s Room/Artist Alley, places where there’s known to be a packed pandemonium, was handled well. Mainly this was due in part to there being a designated entrance and a designated exit. Take notes future cons!

As the time drew nearer for the gates to be open, the hall slowly but surely filled itself with various cosplayers, attendees wearing gaming and anime inspired apparel, and soon enough the events began.

One of the first events was a maid performance, made to kick off the opening of the anime convention. It certainly had set the tone for the convention for sure, where one could hear it in ambiance even if they weren’t there to physically attend.

After the opening ceremonies concluded, I was left to explore the event as it were. One of the first stops I take in any convention is within the game room, so to speak. Majority of the games featured, due in part from the Snow Phoenix team, in the game room below are games in which I have played at least once, play on a regular at the local arcade, or games in which I never had played before (Or ever will play outside of cons)

Regardless of which category the games fell under, it’s always fun to go back to these games from time to time. Free play is just a bonus in all honesty. My personal favorite of the games featured here had to have been Sound Voltex, always a fine game in my book. The second being Crossbeats, a touch based rhythm game which, sadly, development ceased as of last year. It’s still a great game to go back to from time to time.

Another portion of the game room were console setups. These had a slew of fighting games ranging from the Street Fighter Collection to Mortal Kombat 11, Soul Calibur 6 to Tekken 7, and of course an entire section of CRT televisions dedicated to Melee. Tournaments were held throughout the weekend, which, unfortunately I didn’t make it as far as I would have liked. However, those who I had met were friendly enough to me.

Back on the topic of rhythm games, I had attended a rhythm game panel that was being presented later on that afternoon. The convention was split into two venues. The main venue, at the Meadowlands Expo, had the main events while the Holiday Inn had the extra panels. This was where the Rhythm Game panel was held.

Held by RhythmCore Gaming, the rhythm game panel spoke about the history of rhythm games, mainly focusing on Bemani games, as well as touching upon mobile rhythm games briefly as well. For those reading who aren’t aware of what a “Bemani” is, essentially it’s the rhythm game division of Konami. Familiar titles include Dance Dance Revolution, Beatmania IIDX, Sound Voltex, Pop’n Music, and so much more.

All in all, as far as presentation, it was a well run panel. From a technical standpoint, the Castle Point staff made sure all equipment that were in use were running well, as far as projectors for example. Crowd control was also handled quite well, to avoid overflow. From the panelist’s standpoint, I feel they had gotten the gist of what each game is and how they play. Being slightly critical, I feel some of those who were assigned to talk about a specific game went more in depth with their game than others, but I know more than anyone the challenge of running a rhythm game panel.

See, way back in 2013, I, too, ran a rhythm game panel at a convention that has long since been discontinued. A good friend of mine and I both ran the panel, yet, with technical difficulties due to the inability of the staff to assist us, as well as not informing the panel ahead of us that we were running late due to the technical difficulties, the experience gave me more of a headache than I’d like to admit.

An awesome ass couple cosplay that, sadly, did not have any social media :( I still dug it!

However, this is where I can once again praise the Castle Point staff for being on top of making sure the panel ran smoothly. I can also give respect to the RhythmCore Gaming group for tackling on a subject to appeal to a crowd that may look at an arcade rhythm game in fear and confusion. I suppose I admit I attended this panel to see how others would tackle such a topic. I give the panel a “Certified Nay’s Thumb Up.”

For the rest of the convention, I had made sure to try to get my fill in of taking pictures of as many cosplayers as I found whom caught my eye, all of whom you’ll see throughout this post. One in particular who caught my eye was a Kasumi cosplayer.

Kasumi from Persona 5 Royale by ZodiacKind

See, again, for the reader who may not know this about me. I am a huge Persona fan. When I had heard news that Persona 5 Royale was a thing and I had saw the trailer earlier that same week, I was hoping that the cosplay community would work fast.

The cosplay community would not disappoint me.

This cosplayer deserves special mention just for having this at the ready so quickly, so, for that I appreciate this so much!

Another cosplayer who I felt deserved an honorable mention was a woman who was a very good Sub-Zero, but also earlier that weekend she was Kratos. I had the chance to interview her as Sub-Zero in which the video can be found below.

Sub-Zero by Amarys Berry

I mentioned in my previous post about Winter Brawl that vendors are the underappreciated glue that holds a regional/major together. There will be a post separate from this one where I interview one of the vendors from Artist Alley, but the same sentiment is stated here. There are so many vendors in the Artist Alley with their own story and own purpose for doing what they love.

I, in fact, covered an Artist Alley vendor at the Con itself! However, I feel a paragraph alone won’t be enough to give them justice, so please be sure to read the companion article here where I discuss meeting with Bunnies & Cream! You don’t want to miss it, for sure!

In any case, the same could be said for cosplayers. Cosplayers are not so much the glue, but the exoskeleton that makes the entire convention worth it. Each cosplayer has their own story in terms of what got them into it, how long they’ve been doing it, and what made them cosplay certain characters.

Unfortunately, things can tend to go awry when you least expect it. The blade on your sword prop may hang loose, an annoying thread may linger on one’s dress, a shirt may be ripping from the seams. All of these nightmares are easily avoided by those on standby who are dedicated to make any mess a fixable one!

This was quite possibly one of the few points of interest that I saw at the convention. An “all in one” emergency repair station not unlike one you would see at a convention. I couldn’t help myself. I had to learn more. Thankfully these guys were friendly enough to answer my questions I’ve had. Big thanks!

With all of the maintenance that goes into making the perfect, subjectively of course, cosplay, no matter if it’s been a decade or ten days, every cosplayer is equally important to the well-being of any convention.

Even moreso when cosplayers engage in violent carnage within the squared circle and go for a swinging neck cutter as a finishing move.

In what was perhaps the highlight of the convention, the Cosplay Pro Wrestling event was a fitting end to an action packed weekend. Although I had caught it while in the middle of the event, what surprised me the most was how there was an actual story arc.

From what I was able to gather, the main story arc revolved around the face, or hero, Big Boss, feuding with Team Rocket, who formed an allegiance with Princess Peach. The main event was scheduled for Big Boss vs Princess Peach for the title.

Throughout the set, one of the matches I did see in its fullest was Winter Soldier versus, and I quote, “Jeff Harley Quinn.”

As you could expect from the name alone, this Harley Quinn shared a lot of Jeff Hardy’s likeliness as far as his mannerisms and his moveset. What one may not have expected, was Winter Soldier, who bore resemblance and a moveset similar to Roman Reigns.

Spears, Twists of Fates, Leg Drops, and Swanton Bombs were present here as one would expect to see from fans of both wrestlers, yet they also brought about some of Quinn’s cunning which was what gave her the overall victory.

Harley Quinn by Catie V

Eventually, after a match of Link vs Liu Kang, the main event transpired. Paing homage to heel stables of the Attitude Era, trickery was used while Team Rocket was able to give enough damage to Big Boss to have Princess Peach secure the pin.

However, when all hope seemed lost... Mario and Luigi, decked out in “Bullet Bill Club” shirts, went out and chased Team Rocket as well as Princess Peach out of the ring. What followed after was a tag team match, with more story building now that the Bullet Bill Club entered the scene.

There was so much more that could be said as to what transpired in this two hour finale to an otherwise action packed weekend, including one of the guys from Attack on Titan fighting Isabelle from Animal Crossing, but it was one of those events where you had to be there to experience it.

That’s the one thing I can say about the convention. For a two-day con, there was always something to experience. If you wanted to meet one of your favorite voice actresses like I had, you could do so.

If you wanted to take in the sights and experience panels and learn new things about otaku culture and the like, you could do so as well. There’s literally no right or wrong way to attend the convention and the only thing that I can recommend is to do everything you possibly can. Unfortunately some conventions don’t have that, but, with this year’s Castle Point I can definitely say that the community as well as the staff had pulled out all the stops to make it memorable.

With that said in conclusion, for this being my first anime convention of the year, it was a fantastic way to start. Thank you once again to the Castle Point staff for giving myself and my fellow members of the Geeks podcast for giving us the opportunity. I’ll definitely try to attend next year for sure.

As always, may the Lost Summer never end! Tune to us soon for the next post!

[chibinekochan]

Cinderella on the Moon Mystic Messenger fairytale  part 15

cover art   part 1   part 2   part 3   part 4   part 5   part 6  part 7  part 8  part 9 

part 10  part 11   part 12  part 13    part 14

rating : teen

Genre: fairytale fluff , fantasy and drama

Synopsis : A version with the RFA as characters from a fairy tale world. She goes threw some hard times and adventures. She sets out for a adventure that turns into something she never Imaged Eventually she will fall in love with someone but will that love last ?

Cinderella headed to her room and waited their for Jumin and Jaehee to come to her. A half hour passed and then Cinderella saw Jumin coming he alone “Sadly Jaehee is really busy but to avoid drama could you get the items out here so I can at least see how they are ?” Jumin sounded slightly annoyed but it could not be helped. Jaehee was a really busy woman after all. “”Sure just wait a moment.” Cinderella was glad that Jumin rather waited outside. Cinderella went to her room and looked for the bag in her room she got it from under her bed. She quickly grabbed it and brought it out.

Jumin had not moved a inch. “Here it is” Cinderella held the bag up to Jumin. It was their that she noticed it was lighter then it should be. Cinderella looked at the bag. “That is strange I cold sworn it was heavier.” She said this more to herself then to Jumin. “Let me see.” Jumin took the bag and opened it. He saw the white cloth was still inside of it and he saw several items but the most important ones where missing. Jumin was sighing : “This is bad.”

“So it not just was my imagination.” Cinderella looked sad how could anyone stolen items from it it was not in the best hiding spot but she ever had locked her door. “Yeah someone clearly took the most suspicious items out. With these left in here that means....No that would mean that...” Jumin was lost in thoughts and his eyes became darker. Cinderella was scared at that sight. “What do you mean Sir ?” Cinderella stepped carefully a bit back from the Wizard. “Miss Cinderella did you take anything out of here ?” Jumin looked with a extremely stern expression to Cinderella. “No I would never dare to do such a think I swear I not took anything.” Cinderellas eyes where full of fear. She could only hope that the wizard would believe her.  “Yeah you seem like a honest girl plus if that would been the case you could had simply lied about the bag.” Jumin looked to the bag. “Cinderella  have you felt strange lately ?” It seemed this idea suddenly just struck Jumin out of no where.  “I was a bit tired lately but their was a lot to do and I had these strange dreams...” Cinderella not felt like it was any important till this point. Why did the Wizard ask this ? “Those dreams where their shadows hunting you ?” Jumins eyes widened and Cinderella started to fell really frighted. “Ye...yes how do you know ?” Cinderella felt it was really strange for the wizard to know this. “How long do you have those dreams ?” Jumin not answered her question instead it seemed like his fear only grew. “I am not sure but I think I had then ever since I am here.” Cinderella tried to remember when this started but when could not really recall it. “Where their ever hurting you ?” Jumin sounded confused over Cinderellas reply. “No I ever woke up before they came closer.” Cinderella felt also more and more confused. “Interesting good that you left this cloth on the items then.” Jumin looked at the pretty white cloth that was still loosely wrapped around the items.

Cinderella was asking herself what this cloth had to do with anything. Jumin referred to it as useless before after all. Cinderella looked at Jumin in confusion. “You should keep this bag with you from now on. You should not hand it to anyone.” Jumin packed everything nicely back in the bag and handed it over to Cinderella. “Is this really save and what should I tell the price when he asks me for the items ?” Cinderella took the bag back but she really not had a good feeling about this. “You can give the items to him just keep that cloth." Jumin not sounded like that was a issue at all. “So with not give it to anyone you meant other then the prince ?” It was really strange wording Cinderella thought.

“Yeah exactly. I am sorry that I not made this clear but if I´m right he wont ask you for this anyways.” Jumin was still thinking and Cinderella wished that someone would just tell her what was going on. “What do you mean ?” Cinderella was hoping for any kind of explanation. “You should not worry about it.” Jumin had no intention to explain anything. It really was frustrating. “You could at least tell me what these other items can be used for.” Cinderella was angry it was not really like her to be like that but she had to know. “Nothing on their own but with the some of the other indigence they could make a really dangerous curse.” Jumin not expected Cinderella to get angry but he could understand how frustrating this must be for her. “What a curse but who would do such a think and what kind of curse ?” Cinderella had heard of curses but this was the first time she ever was involved in something like this. “I wish I would know who it is even when I have a few suspects.” Jumin looked really dark again like he knew who it was but not wanted to admit it.

“ That curse could be a number of thinks but in worst case scenario it could kill a lot of people.” Jumin took a deep breath after saying this out loud. Cinderella felt a shiver down her spine. “What should we do now?” Cinderella barely could breath from that shook but she thought on all the people in the castle. “I will need time to figure out what they exactly have planned and there are a lot of people here tonight at the ball...” Jumin was deep in thought again. Cinderella knew she could not do much. “Should we cancel the ball ?” Cinderella thought this was the best idea. “No if we do that they will just choose some other method to get what they want. Its best if we let the ball run as its planed.” Jumin still thought but it made sense to Cinderella. “Should I go and find Jaehee then ?” Cinderella thought that she sure could help the Wizard somehow.

“No I will go and find her later. Are you attending the ball too ?” Jumin thought that Cinderella was in the right age to be invited to such a event. “No I was asked to work for the ball.” Cinderella found his question a bit strange after all she was a commoner not suited for a ball like this. “That seems quite sad but we maybe can take advantage of that tonight.” Jumin looked at Cinderella like he came up with a plan. “What do you mean ?” Cinderella was really confused but maybe she could keep an eye of everything from the sidelines. “Tonight is a masquerade that means you could mix yourself easily in with the other people.” It really sounded like a good idea to Jumin. Cinderella had huge doubts about the whole think. “But I can just keep on the side when I work nothing will change if I am one of the guests.” Cinderella had no idea what Jumin was even implying. “I need you to keep an eye on the prince that is only possible if you disguise yourself.” Jumin knew that what ever was going on the prince was at the very least involved in this. “I guess that makes sense but what about my work ?” Cinderella worried about that still too.

“Mr. Kim will take care of that he is very competent.” Jumin already thought his whole think threw. “Oh okay and what should I dress ?” Cinderella had only really simple dresses none of them where suited for a ball. Jumin looked a bit surprised. “I forgot but actual with a bit of magic that should be fixable.” Jumin had not thought about this small detail since he not cared about such thinks but he had to admit that Cinderellas dress was quite simple. “I also can´t dance...” Cinderella not really liked the sound of the word magic so she tried to get out of that by mentioning that. “Hm I see is their no one here that can teach you how to dance a few steps at least ?” Jumin thought that all young maidens should at least know a few steps. “Zen offered me to teach me but he is really busy.” Cinderella slightly blushed as she remembered that. “Zen ? A possible suitor hm ?” Jumin thought that he had heard that name somewhere but he had no clue where. “No nono we are just friends.” Cinderella denied it strongly but it almost felt like lying.

“I not meant to be noisy it is not really my business after all. Where can we find this Person ?” Jumin really not tired to embarrass Cinderella but now where it had happened he tried to forget it as quickly as possible. “I am not sure Jaehee told him their was something important maybe he is practicing with the orchestra again.” Their where plenty places where Zen could be. “ Its that noisy person from earlier am I right ?” Jumin had tried to forget that meeting but it had not worked.

“Yeah how do you know ?” Cinderella ha no idea why the wizard was so good at guessing. “Just call it a hunch. I think he is still playing with the others but they should be soon done.” Jumin had heard the schedule for everything from Jaehee so he had a good picture what was going on. “I am sure he will be still quite busy after that. “As far as I know everything is done by now but if not ill make sure that he will be free. Just wait for him in the garden behind the castle their should be plenty space. “Okay but din´t you said we should go to him ?” Cinderella was wondering over this change of plans. “Yes but as you saw he has something against me so I will have to send someone to him and after that I need to get ready myself. We meet back here just when the ball starts.” Jumin had no intention of dealing with Zen right now. Other thinks needed his attention right now. “okay then I will go.” Cinderella bowed to Jumin. “Yes I will see you later again be careful and not tell this to anyone.” Jumin said in a serious tone and Cinderella could add to that was nodding.

[howtoimprovementalhealth-blog]

WHAT’S YOUR MENTAL FITNESS SCORE?

My friend Audrey works out five days a week. On the sixth day, she does Bikram Yoga in sweltering heat. Then on the seventh day, she “rests” by doing an 8-mile walk.

Know someone like that?

Yes, we all know that one person who exhausts us, just by telling us their workout routine. As a nation, we spend over $26 billion annually, on fitness. That’s great; we’re looking hotter, wearing muscle shirts and lifting our body weight on our pinkies. In fact, in our online health bootcamps, the fitness section ends up being very popular!

However, let’s talk about mental fitness for a change. Suicides of stars such as the iconic Anthony Bourdain or beloved designer, Kate Spade are shining a much-needed spotlight on our mental health crisis which is costing us of $200 billion and affects about 60 million Americans. Yup, 1 in 4 Americans suffers from some mental illness every year. It’s very likely that this number excludes the underreported teen mental health crisis.

So what is going on?

Some of the mental health issues are complex and inescapable, and my heart goes out to those struggling to heal from them.

However, a portion of this crisis, in my opinion, is due to our mental “obesity”. We are mentally fat and out of shape, incapable of handling this crazy roller coaster ride, called life. Our mental muscles are weak and flabby from overstimulation and overfeeding on a buffet of mentally disturbing media tweets, posts, alerts, and dings.

We have to remember that we are a beautifully brilliant mental program that’s absorbing everything around us.

Unfortunately, what we absorb today by the way of mouth, sight, sound, smell, and emotions is driving our less than joyful mental state.

It’s time we started treating our mind as the muscle that it is, and feed and flex it to keep it strong! In my opinion, the feeding of our mind includes not just nutrition but also sleep, socializing and social media.

So, if we watch crap, eat crap, and sleep like crap, we are bound to feel and act like crap. Hanging out with crappy people? Guess how you’re going to feel the next day?

I see it as simple math that no one mentioned to me when I talked to my primary care doctor years ago. Her terse reply was, “what do you expect, you’ve got two little kids, a full-time startup job and a traveling husband. Its normal to feel weepy and exhausted.”

Now looking back, having conducted 75+ interviews with health pioneers, I can say definitely that it was not normal and it was totally fixable.

Every day, every action either feeds your mind to joy or jitters.

I wasn’t sleeping well, eating right or breathing and resting. I was literally doing everything to contribute to a terrible state of mind,

So, whenever you feel sad, anxious, angry or reactive, take some time to think about what you’ve been feeding your mind lately. Better yet, become mindful of giving your mind exactly what it needs to stay fit!

Check out the short and totally unscientific quiz below that I crafted to help you gauge your mental fitness. Then scroll down to see your results and the explanation for the quiz. Let’s get started!

MENTAL FITNESS QUIZ

Do you laugh at least 3 times each day with genuine (not fake!) glee and find joy in small things?

Do you have the willpower to say NO to that extra brownie, drink, smoke, or double cheeseburger 90 percent of the time?

Do you get at least seven hours of deep restorative sleep every night?

Do you view social media, TV, Netflix etc for less than 2 hours every day?

Are you consciously grateful for the little things like running warm water and almond milk at Starbucks?

Do you spend time with people you love at least once a week?

Do you get out in nature and say hello to the sun for at least 30 minutes a day, 5 times a week?

Are you loved? Do you love yourself?

Do you rest and breathe deeply several times a day for a few minutes?

Do your meals include 50% healthy fats, fresh fruits, and vegetables?

SCORE

THE BOSS: MENTAL ROCKSTAR (8-10 YES)

If you answered YES to about 80% of the questions above, your mind is rock solid. You are the boss of your emotions and you’re not about to let anyone tell you how to feel or what to feel. You know you are in a creation of love and are strong enough to handle any crap that may come your way. Also, you have strong boundaries and try to live mindfully.

THE INTERN: MENTAL MIDSTAR (5-8 YESes)

If you answered YES to at least 50% of the questions above, that’s a good start! However, you’re definitely not in charge yet. You’re like an intern, still doing what others tell you to do. Like a poor intern, your emotions are on a roller coaster depending on the 10 factors above. For you, a bad day is just one social media post away. Or around the corner from one sleepless night. It’s an exhausting way to live and you’re probably moody as heck!

Remedy: Keep a diary and track which of the above-mentioned skills you need to work on to become the Boss!

THE JANITOR: MENTAL ROOKIE (0-4 YESes)

If you answered Yes to 4 or less, you’re probably familiar with mental messiness. Janitors have the fun job of cleaning up all the mess and so do you.  Your mental mess maybe the extra or unwarranted irritability, anger, anxiety, fear or just a constant stream of negative self-talk. You may be contemplating using or already using sleeping pills, happy pills, wake up pills, weight loss pills and any other pill you hope will fix whatever you think is broken.

Sadly, no pill will. But there’s great news still: YOU can fix your problems!

Remedy: Take each question above and figure out how to get to a YES on it. Take your time, but be sure to get that question to a yes before you move to the next. Eventually, life should get lighter, easier, and more engaging. Before you know it, you’ll be the Boss of your emotions and a heavyweight champ in mental fitness.

(Legal disclaimer: See your doctor before you make any change to anything).

QUIZ EXPLAINED

So you’re probably wondering what the science is behind this totally unscientific mental fitness quiz created in a Starbucks while sipping steamed almond milk with nutmeg?

Having interviewed almost 60 brilliant health practitioners I’m sharing how I came up with the quiz questions and the recommendations.

 1. Do you laugh at least 3 times each day with genuine (not fake!) glee and find joy in small things?

Our brain creates pathways based on emotions. The more often you travel on the same emotional path, the more your brain subconsciously jumps onto that pathway. Translation – if you tend to laugh a lot, you’ll laugh even more. If you tend to find faults often, everything will always appear faulty. So the great news about this revelation is that we can fake our way to mental fitness. Find reasons to laugh (watch cat videos, memes, comedy channels, whatever tickles you) and you’ll find more and more things funny and entertaining.

 2. Do you have the willpower to say NO to that extra brownie, drink, smoke, double cheeseburger 90 percent of the time? If you remember your first yoga class or your first marathon, then you know what it means to push through when your body is screaming “NO WAY”. Willpower is the basis of mental fitness. Having the power to say No to spending an hour on Facebook, or simply deleting your twitter account is a significant piece of mental fitness. Otherwise, you’re merely one step away from being a robot programmed by the masterminds around you. Just like it takes willpower to walk away from a Krispy Kreme doughnut in the office kitchen, it takes serious willpower to walk away from negative self-talk. But, you can develop the inner strength if you focus on it. Start small, make a list of what you should be saying “No” to but aren’t. Then get started with one item at a time. Before you know it, you’ll be in charge with a strongly developed “No” mental muscle.

 3. Do you get at least seven hours of deep restorative sleep every night?

According to so many studies, if you lose sleep, you lose your mind. There are hundreds of studies that show an undeniable connection between sleep and the mind. So if you’re a proud night owl, insomniac or a college student, your constant thoughts of misery may just your brain being sad about not getting enough zzzs. For some of us on the wrong side of 40 years, we would like to sleep, but can’t quite seem to catch that perfect snooze. Thanks to a little help from my podcast guests I now sleep like a baby. My secret potion? I apply some magnesium and take a drop of vitamin D with K. If you’re getting less than 7 hours of quality sleep, prioritize fixing it. These days there are such great natural sleep supporters that you have no reasons to suffer poor sleep. Just remember sleeping pills are not the answer, according to various doctors. It is vital to get natural, deep, restorative sleep.

 4. Are you on social media, TV, Netflix etc for less than 2 hours every day? Imagine eating the buffet at Bellagio, the Venetian and Mandalay Bay combined, at the same time, and for free? That is exactly what happens to our minds on social media! Naturally, our mind enjoys living vicariously through other people. Lying in bed scrolling through a celebrity’s social media feed, reading about a recent feud or reading someone’s food recipe is to our brain what a bubble bath is to our body. It just wants to sink in with a glass of wine and never come out. But then, there’s the subconscious thought flow that accompanies the passive scrolling: “I’m not as pretty, as rich, or as successful, as ____” producing an inevitable sense of sadness. The results of studies performed to evaluate emotional states after Facebook binging are not pretty. Worse still, the stories we often get riled up about on social media, in the news, or on Netflix are just that — stories! Perfectly filtered to feed our lowest emotions. Do not fall for them. It is time to take back your sanity! Limit social media and entertainment consumption to less than 1 hour a day, total. Instead, read a good book or go for a walk with a friend.

 5. Are you grateful for the little things like running warm water and almond milk at Starbucks? While social media can make you feel unloved and “not very special”, gratitude can fix it in less than 5 minutes every day. It is the closest thing to a “silver bullet” for all that ails you. For one thing, you can’t be grateful and sad/angry/anxious at the same time. So make up a list of specific things you are truly grateful for and read them daily! What I did during my two years of my health crisis is write a word of gratitude in the morning and right before bed. I ended up creating The Health Journal, a weekly health tracking and inspirational journal, as there was nothing easy or quick to track gratitude and my health. I’m not the only fan, check out what Kelly Noonan Gores says in our interview on the HEAL documentary.

Just start by acknowledging simple, wonderful things that happen daily, like waking up! Jokes aside, millions don’t wake up every single day, so if you woke up that’s worthy of a little gratitude (according to Sadhguru) and me! Now that I’ve developed this practice, I find myself constantly saying thanks – for a delicious brownie that I couldn’t eat a year ago to the warm hugs from my teen daughters.

 6. Do you spend time with people you love at least once a week? There’s a sad transition that happens between childhood to adulthood. We stop hanging out with the people who love us unconditionally (ahem, parents) and start spending time with those who we want to associate with for various reasons. That might mean choosing the mean but popular kids in high school, the hot/cool teens in college, or the boring boss who controls your promotion. Nevertheless, we are subconsciously aware that these are transactional and transitional relationships built on some form of codependency and not love. As I get older, I realize how crucial it is that I cultivate loving relationships with people who respect me for who I truly am inside. Even the presence of only one loving friend can bring you a sense of general well-being. Yes, your spouse counts too! Prioritize spending time with people who really love you, from your family to those few friends who will drop everything if you ever need them.

 7. Do you get out in nature and “say hello” to the sun for at least 30 minutes a day, 5 times a week?

As humans, we have gone from living under the sun and in nature to living inside and under artificial lights. This has changed everything. We often forget that the sun and moon power our design in a significant way. Our brains are wired to pick up cues from the sun, and our body needs the sun for thousands of processes (not found in a bottle called, Vitamin D+ K, although I take it regardless).  We need nature to keep us in balanced and in rhythm, yet, so few of us spend time having a picnic or a hike over the weekend. After sleeping, this is the second most important of the ten factors for mental fitness. It’s virtually a shortcut to better fitness! Schedule your daily lunch in the sun with your feet on the grass, instead of eating in a tiny cubicle, and watch everything get better! I am not exaggerating. Try it for 40 days and share your experience in the comments.

 8. Are you loved? Do you feel loved?

Can you look in the mirror and say, “I love you” without cringing? Try it. It took me months before I could do it without giggling or making funny faces at myself. One of my favorite authors and inspirational speakers, Louise Hay, introduced this concept and calls it mirror work. The brilliant and famous psychologist to the stars, Marisa Peer, talks about the critical importance of being able to say, “I am enough.” A great antidote to the world making us feel unworthy is to look in the mirror and repeat, “I love you.” In my interview with Dawson Church on beating anxiety, he said at the very end that the most important thing anyone can do is to love themselves. It sounds easy, but so few of us treat ourselves the way we treat others. Track how many times you are mean to yourself with words like, “you idiot” or “stupid you.” How many times do you acknowledge that you love YOU? Every cell is listening, and they need to know that you love them no matter your size, color, level of education, bank balance, or accomplishments. Ensuring that you love you is the single most valuable thing you can do, starting today. Other than, you know, sleep, sun and laughing.

 9. Do you rest and breathe deeply at least a few times a day?

Somehow rushing around has become a norm. Trying to pack three days of work into one has become a thing of pride. Perhaps not for all of us, but some of us. This only ends in sheer exhaustion. Rushing around creates many ripples with an overall dangerous impact. First, it makes you breathe poorly. You begin to experience shallow and quick breathing which creates a lack of high-quality oxygen needed by cells. Second, constantly hurrying signals to your brain that there’s a tiger somewhere (your body uses breathing to figure out when to release fight or flight hormones) which propels it into action by changing your chemical composition in seconds. More glucose is released, your digestion shuts down, sending more blood to your extremities. Your body is ready to fight or run and certainly not prepared for that sandwich you’re wolfing down while driving madly through traffic. Then, we wonder why digestive issues are the new epidemic! So, take time to rest, as your grandmother did. Rest after lunch. Take breath breaks where you simply sit for 5 minutes and a deep breath. Check out some great breathing exercises for anxiety with Dr. Mukta Khalsa here.

 10. Do your meals include 50% good fats, fresh fruits, and vegetables?

Finally, we cannot conclude any fitness talk without a section on nutrition. After all, without food, we die. However, because our poor minds cannot speak as loudly as our cravings, they are ignored. So, I’m here to remind you that your mind would like some good fats, like avocado and olive oil, to feel safe and loved. It would love some juicy organic in-season fruit to feed its creative juices. It would like some dark greens as a connection to our beautiful planet. Feeding our mind a diet of lab-made food (sorry, but did you think that chicken nugget was real food for your mind?) only creates a huge deficit, which no amount of sleep is going to balance. Just like your car won’t drive on good wishes, your mind isn’t getting fit on nuggets. I’m not making a case to boycott nuggets if that’s your thing, but it should be an occasional treat. Prioritize feeding your mind for fitness. It will reward you with a burst of joy like you’ve never experienced before.

Let’s prioritize mental fitness and together create a more loving life experience for all!

Follow Reena on Twitter @reenajadhav Linkedin www.linkedin.com/in/reena or Facebook Reena Jadhav

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Reena Jadhav Host of Podcast HEALTHIER and founder of HealthBootcamps.com the leader in online health programs with renowned doctors to beat cancer, heart health, weight loss, beat diabetes and more.

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PUBG review: Playerunknown’s Battlegrounds is imperfectly perfect

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PUBG review: Playerunknown’s Battlegrounds is imperfectly perfect

Playerunknown’s Battlegrounds, colloquially often called PUBG (pronounced pub-gee), is that if nothing else conceptually environment friendly. 100 gamers parachute onto an island. The final one alive wins. An unoriginal thought executed in an authentic vogue: That’s the advantage of Battlegrounds.

Battlegrounds is the end result of years of style experimentation by designer Brendan “Playerunknown” Greene. The place contemporaries polish the graphical and technical edges of a longtime method by means of iteration after iteration, Greene has been honing the very method itself. The sport is aesthetically bland and vulnerable to technical hiccups, however in comparison with its battle royale-inspired predecessors — a couple of Arma mods and H1Z1 — Battlegrounds is refreshingly accessible.

Newcomers who don’t religiously monitor online game developments can grok the start, center and finish of their first match. Gamers float onto an island, raid vaguely Jap European cities or dusty ramshackle forts for randomized gear, and keep throughout the confines of an electrical blue circle that slowly shrinks the map from miles of open terrain to a single sq. foot, forcing all survivors into the restricted secure house.

Alongside the best way to the middle of the circle, the participant eliminates the competitors — or permits it to struggle amongst itself. Whether or not the participant is sniping from a distant cliff, going home to accommodate with a shotgun or just hiding within the brush, the variety of survivors will inevitably tick down because the blue circle pushes them right into a spot like a large trash compactor of battle.

A couple of hours into Battlegrounds, you get the sneaking sensation that every part, even the smallest element, has a function. For instance, each door is closed when a match begins, so doorways exist as doorways, however when noticed open, additionally function warnings that you simply aren’t the primary particular person to reach at a house. Navy bases and cities home highly effective weapons, however that pulls extra gamers, and thus extra battle. For a time, high-level gamers started to memorize the route through which vehicles can be parked by default, so they may inform an untouched car from a honeypot. The extra you play, the extra you discover ways to converse Battlegrounds.

That’s the trick of Battlegrounds: a easy arc that — primarily based on the aggressiveness of gamers, the randomness of weaponry and the spot through which the circle in the end closes — can play out in practically infinite methods, relying on the way you learn the scenario from one second to the subsequent. However like a procedural crime drama, PUBG all the time hits those self same three key beats: Land on the island, gear up, survive to the top. Every spherical has a way of progress, of development, of development.

In fact, development conjures up destruction. We people like watching issues that took time to assemble be cooly extinguished. Smashed Lego units, managed demolition, a participant who’s collected one of the best weapons and armor getting pummeled with a frying pan. As a result of each participant is aware of intimately the trouble that goes into constructing a package of weapons and armor, they too know the candy pleasure of ending somebody’s sport, concluding their 15 or 20 minutes of raiding with a moist thwack to the cranium on the final second.

In Name of Responsibility, even the losers get expertise factors, progressing them by means of some arcane ability tree. The identical isn’t true in Battlegrounds, the place gamers take nice pleasure, consciously or not, from spoiling the enjoyable of their friends. To outlive a spherical is to savor the truth that 99 different individuals didn’t.

The combo — development and regression, development and destruction, complete success and complete failure — will get at some deep existential pleasure, like rubber bands step by step being wrapped round a watermelon till it explodes. Battlegrounds by no means feels secure, as a result of at any second your arduous work may be obliterated by a fearless beginner driving a buggy instantly into your would-be hideout. Throughout 100 hours of play, I’m most ashamed of the variety of instances anyone unintentionally ran me over whereas I laid susceptible in a supposedly secure sniping perch.

This central theme makes Battlegrounds significantly watchable. Since its casual launch in March, tens of millions of gamers and non-players have flooded YouTube and Twitch to look at matches, whether or not they’re aggressive, lighthearted or each. As with a great sport, viewership captures the spirit of Battlegrounds with out requiring all of the ability and apply essential to not solely take part, however create thrilling moments.

For would-be viewers, this isn’t like so many different esports that really feel impenetrable to nonplayers, not to mention nongamers. And for would-be gamers, this isn’t like so many first-person shooters of the previous decade that created a synthetic sense of ability, permitting gamers to improve weapons over time to conjure the phantasm of self-improvement.

Battlegrounds is barely as forgiving as its gamers, which is to say, the meek shall not inherit its earth. Worse, some gamers have turned to hacks or controversial noninvasive instruments and methods (stream-sniping, modifying the colour saturation) that present a aggressive edge. Some complications, sadly, stem from odd design choices and fixable blemishes. The sport’s controls lack the smoothness of recent shooters, amassing objects feels unintuitive, ammo and weapon info is obtuse, and high-end graphics really function a drawback: Low-end graphics settings take away bushes and different greenery gamers may use as camouflage.

I’m not the primary particular person to say Battlegrounds is damaged, nor am I the primary to say it doesn’t actually matter. It’s like when anyone tells you their favourite movie is Apocalypse Now, however they will title all its historic inaccuracies, plot holes and manufacturing gaffes. Greatness may be, and sometimes is, messy.

There’s a case to be made that Battlegrounds is the defining sport of 2017, each one of many yr’s finest video games whereas additionally being the embodiment of the present online game trade. It’s a brash multiplayer shooter set in an open world, akin superficially to the medium’s best-selling franchises. PUBG’s additionally an indefinite work in progress, a de facto standing it shares with most AAA video games with large groups working on tight budgets and unattainable deadlines.

With PUBG’s official launch, gamers lastly achieve entry to its second map, a small and open desert stage that, on take a look at servers, typically stutters and crashes. And Xbox One house owners now have entry to a six-month-old model of the sport, in early entry on console, the place its controls and efficiency go away much more to be desired. And as soon as once more, the final response is fury combined with euphoria.

Battlegrounds manages to exist throughout the crowded shooter style in an unfinished state, and really feel each contemporary and creatively full. From its early entry launch on March 23 to its official launch right this moment, Dec. 20, its creators have had 9 months to restore, polish and develop on their child. That essentially the most substantial updates have been improved server efficiency, vaulting and automotive horns speaks to the boldness Greene and his squad have within the sport’s basis.

And they need to really feel assured. Although it’s perpetually tough, you get the sense whereas taking part in Battlegrounds, each in March and right this moment, that the builders are setting up the sport from a blueprint discovered solely in Greene’s personal thoughts.

In contrast to hottest literature and movies, most video video games train you the way to learn them, which is to say they’re as a lot in regards to the content material as the way you expertise that content material. Many video games depend on the acquainted language of video games — crimson barrels explode, blinking crimson spots on an enemy mark its vulnerability — solely introducing a couple of new phrases of play alongside the best way. However video games that upend established genres or encourage completely new ones train new languages, which in flip get polished, contorted and improved upon by future video games.

Battlegrounds is the refinement of a brand new language of play, however what might earn it a spot within the online game canon is that conceptual effectivity. It isn’t accessible for each participant, however it’s comprehensible. Anyone can simply study to learn this sport, to look at it, to identify the stress and pleasure and drama. Critics and followers have speculated on how PUBG will function as an esport, whether or not or not its pacing works for aggressive play. However that ignores the apparent truth: Battlegrounds works as leisure. Sport or not, it has discovered its viewers of gamers and viewers alike.

We’ve already seen Battlegrounds’ first “cousin” within the type of Fortnite: Battle Royale, which beat the sport to market on console. Anticipate to see extra within the coming years, as each AAA writer finds methods to place its manufacturers, expertise and cash into exploiting the language of the battle royale style. I’ve little question a couple of of those video games shall be nice. One or two could also be superior to Battlegrounds.

However they may by no means seize the magic of first turning into fluent on this imperfectly good sport.

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How I’m Adopting an Abundance Mindset (and Applying It to My Investing Strategy)

When I first decided to spend a month experimenting with slow money, my goal was simply to do a proper check-in with my finances. It had been years since I’d had any major financial goals to work towards, which I knew was only going to lead me down the road to nowhere. And even though I had maintained all my savings in my first 20 months of self-employment, I wasn’t happy with how much I was spending on my business and I hated feeling like all I was doing was staying afloat. So, I set a list of intentions and have spent the last four weeks crossing off every last one of them.

Experiment #2: Slow Money

set new financial goals for 2017 – done!

track my spending / make sure it aligns with new goals – done!

change my budgeting strategy – done!

change my investing strategy – done!

analyze / find ways to reduce business expenses – done!

bonus: file my taxes – done!

Most of these were easy to tackle. I’ve done this exercise enough times to know what I value, which made setting new goals and finding ways to achieve them simple. However, when it came to changing my investing strategy, I struggled to get comfortable with implementing what I knew I wanted to do.

A few weeks ago, I gave you a peek into my head and talked about the mental block I’ve had when it comes to investing. Essentially, I’ve been reluctant to setup automatic savings programs, because I’m always worried I’ll run out of money and will need what I invested. This has resulted in me only making a few lump sum investments each year, and I haven’t been happy about it. There is nothing fun about being stuck in a scarcity mindset and constantly feeling like you’re going to run out of money. And sadly, many of the comments and emails I received from that post showed me I’m not alone.

When I first wrote that post, I thought this had only been an issue for me since I had become self-employed in 2015. With irregular income came irregular investments. But the more I thought about (and talked about it and journaled about it), I realized I have always had a scarcity complex about money.

Until I was 25, I was living paycheque-to-paycheque and trying to manage multiple debts. Most of the time, my money was gone within a week and I spent the next week living off credit while waiting for payday. From 25 to 27, I was still living paycheque-to-paycheque while paying down those debts. For the first year I was debt-free, I continued to mostly live paycheque-to-paycheque while saving just 5-10% of my income (when I was once putting up to 55% of my income towards debt repayment). And it wasn’t until I did the shopping ban that I learned I could live on less and save/invest/travel more.

But even after the success of the shopping ban, when I saved an average of 31% of my income, I hadn’t kicked my scarcity mindset to the curb. And now, even though I have access to more than $20,000 of cash at all times, I constantly feel like I’m living on the edge and could run out of money at any time. I’m not a psychologist and can’t pinpoint a specific reason for why I feel this way, but it’s probably safe to say that nearly 15 years of living paycheque-to-paycheque has something to do with it. (How I ever felt comfortable enough to quit my job with steady income is still an anomaly, at this point.)

Throughout the month of February, I found myself continually struggling to make financial decisions, because my scarcity mindset was always getting in the way – but never more so than when it came to implementing a new investing strategy. I knew what I wanted to do, but it took weeks to finally commit and put the plan in place. And as time went on, I realized my goal for this experiment was about so much more than just doing a check-in with my finances: it was to learn how to approach things from an abundance perspective, so I can stop acting out of fear and start believing I am in control of my future.

Here’s how I plan to adopt an abundance money mindset:

Be grateful for what I have. (It’s more than I’ve ever had and it is enough.)

Give wherever possible. (Like Jason Connell says, “Practicing generosity trains you to understand that you already have enough.”)

Be open to new opportunities to earn more. (I’ve held some limiting beliefs about the kinds of work I can do for far too long.)

Invest regularly and trust it will help me grow my net worth (not make me go broke).

Each of the four points in this list are important, but the last point is the one that requires the most work as well as the greatest mental shift for me personally. A couple months ago, I decided to move a chunk of my investments over to Wealthsimple. I had been using Tangerine’s Balanced Growth Portfolio and would recommend their funds to any beginner investor, but I wanted to reduce my fees and have a better understanding of the ETFs I was investing in. So, with the help of my new friend (and money coach) Ben Van Dyke, I made the switch. But I hesitated to setup auto-depositing…

I kept getting stuck in that same old mindset: the one where I worried that I would run out of money and regret investing any because I needed the cash. It wasn’t until I ran three different annual income scenarios and saw how much I needed to earn in order to invest a certain amount that I realized the probability of me earning enough to invest at least $5,000 was high. I also knew I had invested that amount or more every year for the past few years. I took this information and set it up so I’m now investing $100/week ($5,200/year) in my TFSA with Wealthsimple.

This is the first time I have ever setup an automatic savings program. I repeat: it’s the first time I have ever done this. It’s only been a few weeks, so it’s too early to know how I feel or even do a proper review of Wealthsimple. I will say, so far, I haven’t noticed the $100 disappear from my account each week (likely because I have income deposited numerous times throughout the month). And I am loving the transparency Wealthsimple offers. But this is still new for me. I do feel like I’m in control of my future. But the whole trusting that I won’t run out of money thing will take some getting used to.

This projection is based off my current plan of investing only $100/week.

Even though the slow money experiment is over, and I feel it was a huge success, I know I can’t fix my scarcity mindset issues overnight. Again, I’m sure there is more than one reason why they exist, but living paycheque-to-paycheque for nearly 15 years must have something to do with it. I know from quitting drinking and impulse shopping that it takes months (or longer) to change a bad habit you’ve spent years perfecting. But from those experiences, I have also learned it’s possible to change anything, when you set your mind to it. This is fixable. It won’t happen overnight, but it will happen.

Going forward, whenever I’m struggling to push past the scarcity and make a financial decision, I’ll run through the list of ways I plan to adopt an abundant money mindset. And if that doesn’t work, I’ll remind myself it’s been years since I’ve run out of money – and I am in control of my financial future.

How did your slow money experiment(s) go?

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Extra Reading

6 Little Money Mindset Shifts That Pay Off Huge – Marie Forleo

From Scarcity to Abundance: Mastering the Mindset of Wealth – Money Boss (JD Roth)

The Abundance Loop – Conscious Living Magazine

The Difference Between Abundance and Money – James Altucher

Your Scarcity Mindset is Ruining Your Finances – Money After Graduation

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