#it is a skill to make me be like ‘damn girl we gotta get you a hobby or smth’ to a character no less roger federer

[iamsigningmylifeaway]

i just wanted to say i saw your tags on the reblog of that fedole ask and i started laughing for four minutes straight. you're so right.

THEY ARE TRYING TO SILENCE US ‼️‼️

THEY ARE TRYING TO KEEP US DOWN‼️‼️

FEDOLE NATION—

WE HAVE TO PROTECT OLD MAN YAOI ART‼️

[jils-things]

queueing up my memoryshipping gift art made me remember how much i love steven hehe

[fastandcarlos]

Soft Launch : ̗̀➛ Lance Stroll

summary: follow along as you and lance slowly reveal your relationship to the world, and your ever so slightly protective brother charles

pairing: lance x leclerc!reader

˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚＊

liked by charles_leclerc, alexandrasaintmleux and 139,503 others

ynusername: nice way to spend the end of race week ☺️☀️

7,301 comments

username1: wtf yn you can’t just suddenly spring something like this on us 🤯

charles_leclerc: excuse me what happened to heading back to the hotel early to sleep??

username2: hahah not charles having no idea about this 😂

username3: I just wanna know who this guy is…

arthur_leclerc: you’ve gotta lot of explaining to do 🙄

ynusername: @/arthur_leclerc have to catch me first 🤷🏻‍♀️

arthur_leclerc: @/ynusername why have you suddenly turned into a sassy devil??

username4: time to put my investigative skills to use 🔍

carlossainz55: thank you for making your brother freak out, just what I needed on the plane home!!

ynusername: @/carlossainz55 pls remind him how many times he’s surprised me with a new girlfriend over the past few years 😂

username5: it must be someone who was also at the race, but that’s thousands of people 😭

alexandrasaintmleux: ignore your brothers…I want to hear everything 😂

ynusername: @/alexandrasaintmleux knew I could count on you 😘

charles_leclerc: @/alexandrasaintmleux um no you’re supposed to be on my side!!

˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚＊

liked by logansargeant, danielricciardo and 294,604 others

lancestroll: definitely think I could get used to this 💞💞

38,596 comments

username6: ah finally lance has got himself a girlfriend!! 🥺🥺

danielricciardo: lmao scotty mentioned you had a girlfriend but I thought he was joking 😂😂

username7: she looks beautiful, why not let us see her face???

estebanocon: damn bro, looks like you’ve been pulling out all the stops!

lancestroll: @/estebanocon when you know they’re someone special then you gotta spoil them

username8: notice how he’s cropped the photo so we can’t see the reflection in the first pic 🙄

username9: damn these photos are just a reminder that money talks

fernandoalo_oficial: now I see why you couldn’t hang around for a coffee today 😂😂

username10: clearly he must like this girl to be this romantic 🥺

logansargeant: fancy wining and dining me like you do your girl? ☺️

lancestroll: @/logansargeant date night next week pending…

username11: I promise we’re happy for you lance…just spill the beans

chloestroll: my baby bro is all grown up 🤧🤧

˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚＊

liked by lancestroll, carlossainz55 and 189,482 others

ynusername: adventuring with you is my favourite thing to do ❤️🩷

28,573 comments

username12: eurgh have I ever told you how much I hate soft launches??

charles_leclerc: you just wait until you arrive back in monaco…you’re mine!

ynusername: @/charles_leclerc you gotta catch me first 🏃🏻‍♀️💨

charles_leclerc: @/ynusername I swear-

username13: anyone else think this looks a tad like one of the drivers 🤔🤔

username14: so we’re thinking tall, athletic, dark hair…

carlossainz55: whilst I might not be your brother, I’m begging you to stop sending yours on the verge of a nervous breakdown 😭

username15: peep how lance also announced he was in a relationship last week too 🤷🏻‍♀️

pierregasly: why are you making me so bloody invested in your relationship yn!?

username16: aquariums are such cute places for dates 😭😭

ybffusername: IM WAITING FOR YOU TO GIVE ME DETAILS HURRY YOUR ASS UP

username17: whoever this guy is he clearly looks like he’s falling for yn hard

alexandrasaintmleux: I keep telling your brother to take me to the aquarium, he never listens!!

ynusername: @/alexandrasaintmleux when I’m home we’ll go on a thousand aquarium dates 🐠🐠

username18: I can’t be the only one who noticed that lance liked..

˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚＊

liked by fernandoalo_oficial, astonmartinf1 and 139,592 others

ynusername: experiencing life in the paddock in a different colour this weekend 🏎️💚

14,964 comments

username19: I would not like to be in the leclerc household tonight 😂

charles_leclerc: wtaf this is the ultimate betrayal 😭😭

username20: this has trouble written all over it!!

carlossainz55: can’t believe you abandoned the red corner yn 💔

username21: but why did she pick aston martin over all the other teams??

landonorris: all those times I’ve told you to come and be in our garage but you go here instead 🙄

ynusername: @/landonorris I had my reasons!!

username22: the biggest clue yet that lance is our mystery man surely 🔍

username23: can’t believe people are ruling out nando so easily 😂😂

arthur_leclerc: I’m telling mum that you didn’t support your brother this weekend!

ynusername: @/arthur_leclerc I’m a grown woman who can do what she wants 🤦🏻‍♀️

fernandoalo_oficial: it was lovely to finally meet you properly this weekend 💚

username24: i hope lance realises he’s a dead man walking with charles around

lancestroll: 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺

˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚＊

liked by alexandrasaintmleux, arthur_leclerc and 169,692 others

ynusername: sailing away with my best friend 🤍🛥️

14,604 comments

username25: best friend 🤯🤯🤯

alexandrasaintmleux: @/charles_leclerc take note 📝

username26: they’re still not ready to admit they’re dating are they 😭

charles_leclerc: and here I was thinking that I was your best friend 💔

username27: you cannot convince me that third photo is not lance btw

pierregasly: why am I now playing this stupid guessing game too 🤦🏻‍♂️

username28: only lance would do all this for a girl, he’s a true romantic ❤️💕

arthur_leclerc: how about sailing back home cause we’re still waiting for some explanations???

username29: I love how they still think we haven’t figured everything out 😂

chloestroll: well isn’t this just the cutest date ever, this guy must be obsessed 🥺

ynusername: @/chloestroll what can I say, I’m a lucky girl 🩷🩷

username30: I just want to sail away with lance stroll too yn, I feel ya!

lancestroll: look at that beautiful smile 💞

˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚＊

liked by ynusername, estebanocon and 295,608 others

lancestroll: in my boyfriend era 👑

13,704 comments

username31: lance is glowing in his boyfriend era wtf

estebanocon: idk what this girl has done to you but I don’t recognise you anymore 😂

danielricciardo: is it wrong to say I’m obsessed with boyfriend era lance??

username32: I wanna know who put the smile on his face 😭

username33: surely it’s obvious who put the smile on his face??

scottyjames: since when were you so boyfriend material 😂🤧

pierregasly: I’m only here cause apparently there’s a soft launch going on and I want the gossip 😂

username34: I’m so happy that you’re so happy lance!!

charles_leclerc: funny how you’ve told me nothing about this new girlfriend…

username35: now these photos make me want lance as my boyfriend too

chloestroll: these are the cutest photos, can’t wait to remind you of these every birthday for the rest of our lives 😂😂😂😂

username36: everyone needs a lance stroll in their life ☺️☺️

ynusername: looks like your girlfriend is very lucky to have someone as funny as you 🥺

lancestroll: @/ynusername no no I’m the lucky one 🫠

˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚＊

liked by lancestroll, charles_leclerc and 159,925 others

ynusername: turns out dating an f1 driver is a lot cooler than being the sibling of one 🥺🩷

21,573 comments

username37: they’ve finally gone official 🎉🎉🎉

chloestroll: my two fave people 🫶🏻🫶🏻🫶🏻

username38: I can’t cope with how adorable these two are!!

charles_leclerc: there are thousands of people who would disagree btw 🏎️💪🏻

username39: can’t wait for lance to crash all future leclerc family gatherings 😂

lancestroll: seems to me that your boyfriend driver is a lot fitter than your brother driver too 🤔💕

ynusername: @/lancestroll oh he’s definitely the hottest 🫠

carlossainz55: don’t tell charles but he did secretly tell me that he was happy earlier…

charles_leclerc: @/carlossainz55 that was supposed to stay between me and you 🖕🏻

username40: this makes my heart so so happy 💕💕

fernandoalo_oficial: thank god I don’t have to keep that a secret anymore 😂

username41: thank you for ending the soft launch game!

pierregasly: why do I feel proud that I guessed it was lance all along 🤦🏻‍♂️

username42: now this is what we call an adorable f1 couple 💞🏎️

arthur_leclerc: I guess I won’t be needing that explanation anymore…

˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚＊

˗ˏˋ 𝐌𝐀𝐒𝐓𝐄𝐑𝐋𝐈𝐒𝐓 ! ´ˎ˗

requests for smaus are currently open!!

[wintersoldiersoul]

Bucky x reader- super angsty but fluff ending

In a relationship, bucky doesn't want reader going on mission because it's a hydra Misson, they argue and don't talk to each other, bucky hears reader get hurt and he hears her say "im sorry buck, i love you" and then her comms go out and he can't do anything to help because he's pinned down and by the time he gets to her she's bleeding out and passed out and bucky is breaking down apologising and saying he didn't mean anything of what he said etc and I dunno how you would wanna end it

A/N: So sorry it took me so long to get to this request!! I hope you enjoy!

Warnings: mentions of blood, injuries, throwing up, lots of angst and fluff

“Bucky, stop it!” You shouted. “I’m going on this mission, okay? I can handle myself.” You had been having this fight all morning. The mission you were going on was extremely dangerous. You were basically marching right into the center of Hydra. 

“I am begging you,” Bucky pleaded. “I can’t let anything happen to you.”

“You do realize I’m a superhero in my own right? I don’t need you to protect me!” You snapped back. You knew he just wanted to protect you, but the fact that he acted like you weren’t capable of this made you angry. You had spent years fighting with the Avengers back when he was still the Winter Soldier. You had fought aliens and bionic humans and monsters. You didn’t need him to help you.

“I know but you don’t understand. They know we’re together. That means you have a target on your back. They’d do anything to hurt you because it would hurt me!” You almost felt bad but you had to stand up for yourself. You weren’t some helpless little girl.

“You’re being stupid! I thought you were smarter than this, Y/N. You’re acting like a child!” Bucky said, matching the stern tone of your voice.

“I don’t care! Let me be stupid then!” You left your room, slamming the door on your way out to go meet everyone at the jet. Bucky followed shortly after and the team got ready to leave. 

The two of you didn’t say a word to each other on the flight across the world to Europe. The tension between the two of you hung heavy in the air, casting a fog over the entire jet. Everyone could tell something was going on, but no one dared to ask. Your relationship was incredibly passionate - full of love that could burn the world down. But the same principle applied when you fought.

You were paired up with Natasha, splitting off from Bucky, Steve, and Tony when you arrived. You subtly snuck around the Hydra base, using your spy skills to remain hidden. You had been trained by the Red Room like Natasha, turning you into a silent killer full of stealth and surprises.

“Status?” Bucky spoke through the com device in your ear.

When you didn’t immediately make a move to respond, Natasha filled him in. “There’s agents everywhere. We’re hidden right now but we gotta make a move soon.”

“Same here,” Bucky answered.

An agent passed by but didn’t spot the two of you. All at once, you and Natasha passed, jumping onto the man's shoulders from behind and snapping his neck. “One down, a hundred to go,” you smirked at Nat. You could do this. You could prove to Bucky that you didn’t need his help.

Steve updated everyone, panting through the coms that they were deep into battle now. You and Natasha took a more subtle approach, trying to remain as hidden as possible before sneaking up and stealthily taking out agents as you could. Everything was going well. It was all under control.

Until you felt the gun against your head.

“Don’t move a damn muscle,” a low russian accent purred in your ear. “I’ve got you right where I want you,” he said, dragging the gun from your temple around to the base of your neck. Your arms were pinned behind you. You couldn’t move.

Natasha was too far away, locked into her own battle with an agent. A battle that she was winning but one that could easily go wrong if she turned her focus. You wanted to scream out but you were terrified that if you did, the man would shoot.

In the blink of an eye, the man who was holding you pulled out a knife and sliced your thigh deeply. You couldn’t help the cry that escaped your mouth as he did it, grabbing Natasha’s attention just as she finished off her victim.

“Y/N!” She ran over to you but was sidetracked by another agent stepping in her path.

“What’s going on?” Bucky’s voice rang out in your ears. “Y/N? Natasha?” Panic was evident in his voice. “Someone talk to me!”

“Bucky!” You cried out, hoping he would show up any second to save you. “Help me!”

The Hydra agent laughed, hearing your calls for the man. “You’re Barnes’ girl, aren’t you?” He laughed, coldly. “Oh, we’re gonna have fun.” His voice sent chills down your spine.

“Y/N, what’s going on? Where are you?” His voice came through your ear.

“I-I don’t know!” You answered. “He-has me!”

“I’m coming, baby, I’m coming. Are you hurt?”

You were still terrified each time you answered, expecting that the man would pull the trigger every time you opened your mouth. But if these were your last moments, you wanted to spend them talking to the love of your life.

“Y-yes,” you choked out.

“Alright, I think I’ve been nice enough to let this go on for so long,” the russian accent spoke before ripping the comms out of your ear and smashing it on the ground.

“No!” You cried out. The blood you were losing from your leg was already making you feel dizzy. A puddle of crimson from your body began to pool on the ground. 

“I was gonna shoot you in the head,” the man behind you whispered in your ear, making you feel sick. “But it would be such a shame to mess up this pretty face.”

Before you could even register what was going on, the gun was pressed to your back and a bullet was fired into your body. He shot you two more times. The man laughed as he walked away, leaving you to bleed out alone on the floor. Natasha had left, you had no idea where she had gone. She didn’t mean to abandon you, she really thought you’d be able to get out of your situation on your own while she completed the mission.

Across the building, Bucky was frantic. “Y/N? Talk to me! Where are you, baby?” He was panicking. One minute you were talking to him and then you were just…gone. His worst fear was coming true.

He sprinted as far as he could, dodging Hydra agents left and right, taking them out with the metal arm that they had put on his body.  He swore he had never run faster in his entire life. He knew back at their post, Steve and Tony were still fighting, yelling at him as he sprinted away. He knew he’d be in trouble later. But he didn’t care. He only cared about you.

But he was intercepted by more agents. Suddenly, he was pinned down, completely unable to move. “Y/N!” He yelled out again while he thrashed. He didn’t even care that these men would probably kidnap him again. Turn him back into the Winter Soldier. All he cared about was reaching you.

He tried as hard as he could, thrashing and squirming. Time was running out. He didn't know exactly what had happened to you, but he knew you didn't have long. Especially with the nature of the enemy you were dealing with.

After minutes of trying to escape the agent's grasp, he was able to free his metal arm, punching hard and knocking down the agent who had his legs. He was then able to use more strength to fight, taking down each person who had tried to separate him from the love of his life.

He was sick when he saw you, bending over to throw up at the sight in front of him. You were laying on the ground, still as a rock. Blood stained the concrete below you. He swore he had never seen so much blood come from one person at once. 

“Y/N!” He screamed out, running over to you. Your eyes were closed. “Y/N, wake up! Wake up, please!” He cried. “Oh my god, please!” He chanted over and over, trying to get you to open your eyes while putting pressure on you to stop the bleeding as much as possible. 

Suddenly there was a gasp from your frame. “B-bucky!” You called out weakly using every ounce of strength you could. “I love you.” 

“I love you, angel. So much. I didn’t mean a word I said! Please just hang on! Please! I can’t watch you die right now.” Tears streamed down his face as he spoke.

"So...tired," you said weakly, your eyes fluttering between opened and closed.

"I know, baby, I know," he stroked your hair. "But you gotta stay awake, okay? You gotta fight."

"What's going on, Buck?" Steve spoke in his ear.

"It's bad, Steve. I gotta get her to a hospital. Now," he said, through tears.

"Alright. It's clear now. You can take her."

Bucky swore time moved in slow motion as you waited for an ambulance. He held your hand the entire time, terrified every time your eyes closed for more than a second. You kept drifting in and out of consciousness even as the paramedics began to work on you in the vehicle. He couldn't believe this was really happening. If he lost you, his entire world would stop.

9 hours and an emergency surgery later, you were still unconscious but stable. He sat by your hospital bed, eyes red from crying, still holding your hand.

"Baby, I don't know if you can hear me right now," he said to your unconscious body. "But I need you to wake up. I need you to come back to me. I can't do this without you, I-" he paused as his voice broke. "I never thought I'd have any good in my life again. And then I found you. And I can't lose you. I don't know what I'll do. I don't know who I am without you." Tears wet his face as he spoke. "Please, baby. My darling. Please, come back to me."

He didn't leave your side all night. He waited and waited for hours, not sleeping or eating. He was terrified to not be watching you even for a second.

The sun was rising the next morning and he was exhausted and scared and he just wanted you. His head was in his metal hand as he cried, still holding yours with his flesh one, when he felt it. It was small, but he felt it. The subtle squeeze from your hand. "Y/N?" he said, immediately lifting his head.

You groaned softly, eyes still closed. "Am I dead?" You asked as you very slowly opened your eyes, trying to adjust to the light.

"No, baby," he sniffed, getting up and kissing your forehead. "You're not dead. You're alive. Oh my god, you're alive."

[love-lilly02]

The Challenge

The reader has a bit too much to drink and ends up making a deal she might regret...

Originally, it had started out as a good bit of fun. 

The boys had just returned from a mission, broken down and bone tired but glad it was over. It was one of the more rough ones, where they lost more friends than anyone would have liked, but a success was a success. 

To celebrate they went down to a nearby karaoke bar, and somehow they convinced you to come out with them, even though your specific skill set hadn’t been required on the mission. 

You turned them down multiple times, stating that it was your self care night (to which they responded that having fun is self care) but really, who were you to deny the four men anything?

Which is how you found yourself standing on a stage screaming the lyrics to “Sexy” from mean girls. 

Quite honestly, you were doing a pretty damn good job, which was evident by the encouraging screams of both military personnel and civilians alike. the entire bar seemed to thrum with life as you sung and dance, and the task force just watched in awe. 

maybe you had had a bit too much to drink. 

Finally, after the song was over (and after a standing ovation) you stumbled back to the corner booth, laughing at the boy’s bewildered expressions. 

“What, never heard me sing?” You asked, sliding into the booth with only a smidge less grace than you usually possessed. 

“Well lass, i wasn’t under the impression you could sing,” Johnny fired back, smiling wildly. “was fuckin amazin’ kid!”

You smiled at him and ducked your head in a mock bow. “I took theaters in high school, it’s nothing special.” 

All four heads snapped to you so quickly one of them had to have gotten whiplash. 

“You. Took theater?” Price said, fixing you with a disbelieved look. 

“Yes, captain. Yes i did.” You lean back in the booth, just now noticing that Ghost has draped his arm over your seat. 

“Now this is gotta see,” Gaz said, laughing to himself. 

“Oh- good luck finding anything. I got rid of all those photos years ago.” They all look at each other, before turning back to you. 

“Is that a challenge?” You hear Ghost’s deep voice rumble, dangerously close to your ear. 

“Yes…” you squeak out, not dairing to move away from him. “Actually, let’s make it just that. Whoever can find more than 10 photos of me before my junior year of high school wins.” 

They all look at each other again, before Johnny speaks up. “Why tha’ year?” 

You just shrug. “Changed schools then, looked like a completely different person.” 

They all nod. “What do we get if we win?” Gaz questioned. 

You took a moment to think it over, pretending to tap on your chin and everything. “I’ll do whatever you want for a day.”

Maybe you did have too much to drink. 

Their eyes practically bug out of their heads, even Ghost looks shocked at the prize. 

“Whatever… we want?” He questions, his eyes still wide. You can practically see the gears turning in his head. 

“Mhm,” You say, nodding. “As long as it’s not a mission day or something, I have to do whatever you tell me to do for twenty-four hours. Kind of like an ‘I cant say no’ day.”

They all not hurriedly, quickly agreeing to the plan. 

“Looks like we’ve got ourselves a deal!” You smile, downing the lasts of your drink. 

(may be a series i have a few ideas for this)

My Masterlist

[zhuoyichenpretty]

Eps 34-35

Not many photos here because anything I screenshot in these eps would literally just give me psychic damage at this point (-:

Spoilers under the cut!

Ep 34:

I'm being so brave watching this fucking opening scene again.

No actually though I've watched it several times by now and it just keeps getting worse. What can one even say about all this? Ow??? Fuck???

Probably the most gruesome onscreen death of a child character in cdrama that I've seen like I didn't know they could even go there like that. I guess maybe because it's not gory or specifically violent? Idk the rules but man. His expression.

The way they play TJR singing their song and then switch to LZY's version. Maximum pain thank you guys.

ZYC's "I'm sorry" is so damn loaded. For not being there, for failing to protect him, but also for being the reason Bai Jiu made this decision. For giving Bai Jiu someone to love and protect and die for. For unknowingly and inadvertently causing this just by loving him and being loved by him. ZYC's remorse and regret as he makes the connections and pieces together Bai Jiu's thought process is so fucking haunting. Just the most awful way for his own words of comfort to come back. And like I'd commented previously—the way love begets grief.

I'm going to kms I knew when they put yet another cloak on ZYC that he'd be giving it to someone else but NO!!! Not like this oh my god

"哥帶你回家" (Ge will take you home) I don't even have the words for how painful this is. Is this the first time ZYC refers to himself as ge? Not just acknowledging that Bai Jiu's made an older brother of him? If not, it's certainly the most salient.

Both actors' skills can hardly be questioned atp (like, that's a damn difficult expression to die with), but I just have to marvel at the way TJR's acting (his micro-expressions!!!) is at once subtle and incredibly clear. That ZYC's every emotion is clearly telegraphed—his shock, his horror, his anguish, his regret, his desperation, his exhaustion—but so naturally done.

ZYC struggling with the weight of Bai Jiu's body and dropping it, on top of paralleling the flashback, is just so terrible in its reality. ZYC must already be so incredibly drained after that final battle. To have gone through such an unspeakable loss, to carry it on his back and find himself unable to even properly do that, to protect what's left of Bai Jiu from the mundanity of physical damage.

WX's dad nooooo you're leaving her to ZYZ but ZYZ's not planning on staying either nooooo

Are we sure the magic rain couldn't have saved WX's dad tho ):

WX don't tell ZYZ your self-sacrificial plan there's no way he'd let you go through with it girl!!! You gotta pull a ZYC and be vague as fuck and make sure everyone's feet are frozen to the ground so they can't stop you

ZYZ backing away after using the spell on WX, slapping himself when he nearly can't get himself to go through with dying. Good shit. But also my god I'm so sorry WX what a fucking traumatic ten minutes will anyone give her a fucking break? Living at any cost, at the cost of her beloved dying several feet away from her, yet another manifestation of her trauma with Zhao Wan'er, and knowing it's about to happen, begging to be given a say—cruel. PSJ has been offscreen for forever just because plot convenience (which, in itself, already sucks) but if she were here she would kill ZYZ herself for putting WX through this and the rain would just be a bonus.

The Cloud Light Sword stained with blood to the point it looks unfamiliar—good shit.

ZYC's fucking voice when he asks if there's any other choice. Art, I tell you.

Fucking hell. The twist on their fate being ZYC choosing it rather than being forced into it, to absolve ZYZ of the cruelty he's had to bear responsibility for in doing this to his loved ones. Zhiji was not misapplied in this damn story���ZYC understands and he understands over and over because who else could do this for ZYZ? To find one last way to lighten his burden in such a conflicting and complicated and impossible situation. To know exactly what must be hurting ZYZ and to bear the weight instead and to make sure he knows full well that's what's happening. For ZYC to take that hurt upon himself, entirely upon himself. The way that ZYC dealing the killing blow is actually the furthest thing from a moment of hardening his own heart, that it's in fact the height of his soft-heartedness. And how much that must hurt. Pain.

Also, imo ZYC making it purely his choice at the last moment is so clearly and specifically for ZYZ. Not for anyone else's sake, and precisely against his own and WX's wishes. Upon knowing ZYZ's commitment to death in this moment, whatever else happening has been made secondary. He is giving ZYZ all that he has left to give—fulfilling ZYZ's sacrificial determination, carrying out ZYZ's will to save the people, absolving ZYZ's guilt at what it's taken to get here.

(Totally tangential but I referenced AOT in my last post so I figured I'd make further reference: if anyone's familiar with Eruri—I'm somewhat reminded of Levi's choice. Being the only one with the power to save or let their loved one die. Choosing death for them, on their behalf, perhaps a decision opaque and counterintuitive to the rest of the world but completely and utterly made out of love and an inimitable understanding of the man they love. The most painfully and unimaginably selfless act, to give them peace at the cost of their own suffering.)

"小卓，你還是這麼..." (Xiao Zhuo, you're still so...) Oh this line kills me (ha). I love that it's unfinished. That it encapsulates ZYZ's surprise, his understanding and gratitude, and ultimately this sense of marveling at the man in front of him and what he's given ZYZ even now, at the very end. It tells me ZYZ recognizes ZYC's choice for what it is: the utmost act of a soft-hearted and boundless love that sees through him completely. Zhiji indeed.

The way ZYZ has unfulfilled promises with both WX and ZYC, the way they both call him a liar—good shit.

When I didn't know there was an episode 35 (or special episode I guess) I was boutta throw hands like what do you MEAN that's it??

Ep 35:

I do love a good hair-turning-white-from-grief trope (': But man, white hair like that at 24/25........Also though PSJ and WX finally have more noticeably different styling/silhouettes yayy they look gorgeous

God, but I can't bear looking at how small their group is now.

Searching all the mountains and seas, all 28 mountains in the Wilderness. ZYC, that kind of devotion...I really feel the need to echo ZYZ here, you're really so...

ZYC looking like ZYZ from behind because of his hair......ZYC's hand shaking holding Bai Jiu's bell............................

Also I'm really glad (I say this through tears) because I saw Bai Jiu didn't have his bell in ep 33/34 and I was like ??

Ah, are you kidding me I thought the pain was more or less over what do you mean Bai Jiu wants ZYC to 勿想勿念 [wù xiǎng wù niàn] (don't think of, don't miss)?? The way 不念不响 [bù niàn bù xiǎng] is literally the title of ZYC's character song, which then plays in the bg ('''':

(I can't really tell how well the subs explain it or how it comes across in translation so apologies if this context isn't necessary but the characters in the song title say "don't read, don't ring," but the character for "ring" is a homophone for "think of" and the character for "read" can also mean "miss." Missing someone/something is "想念" [xiǎng niàn]. Bai Jiu tells ZYC not to miss him through homophonous terms—a book he can't read, a bell that can't ring—and the song title is directly referencing that.) What an elaborate way to hurt me.

Bai Jiu really pulled a ZYC though with a box full of hurt/comfort just like ZYC had left WX

Ohhh the way WX's narration turns into ZYC's?? Honestly this drama's commitment to canonizing ZYC's love for ZYZ to the same level as WX's is really gratifying. And ZYC talking about a bone-deep sadness after ZYZ died. The parallel of baby!ZYC in front of the pond. I especially love the mention of ZYZ's age in comparison to ZYC's, these glimpses of the perspective ZYC has gained with hindsight. The distance of time and reflection and yet the unmistakable fondness and love. It is in part healing to hear.

Also imo ZYC if the scene chosen for ZYZ's POV of you is accurate I'd wager he saw you not as some angry child but as the pinnacle of humanity's beautiful bleeding heart.

ZYZ said it before right? That every human emotion is important? Well ZYC really has been constantly feeling the entire range of human emotion this whole drama lmao

Why yes I do think I need a heartwrenching MV-style montage of all the tragedies of this story that ultimately offers bittersweet catharsis and closure as the OST narrates about searching for someone and finding them in the end. Just what the doctor prescribed tyvm

WX saying ZYZ's final wish was to 落葉歸根 (translated as returning home, literally translates to "fallen leaves return to their root," implies returning home after a long time) the way humans do and ZYZ's soul literally being on a leaf of paper (which kinda sorta works in CN as well since "leaf" and "page" are homophonous) that, carried by the wind, returns to ZYC?? Home??? Are you joking bc I'm sobbing.

Gonna have to use this photo again bc literally how else do I describe how I'm feeling rn?

And that's a fucking wrap. I'm so. I don't even. Wow. Maybe in another couple of business days I'll throw together a brief review of the show as a whole, but right now I'm gonna drown myself in other people's metas and gifs and fics as god intended. Thank you as always for spending the time on my silly ramblings and I hope you enjoyed the ride!

[mimasroom2]

Accelerating fury pt 2

Pt 1 :3

HELLOOOOO! Here is part 2!! :3. Sorry it took me so long,, I’ve been helping my friend set up an Etsy shop + I have work. Btw!! We WILL find out exactly what Ellie did for the judges once the games start😉… I hope this doesn’t feel like I skipped over some things. I wanted to focus more on the important stuff rather than providing every detail like I tend to do.. like just get to the damn hunger games already fuck🙄

C/w: Same c/ws as the first one. Reader dissociates for a little bit. Twice. Ellie is more of a bitch oooooohhhh. Mention of suicide in literally 3 sentences near the end,, it’s SUPER minor.

U guys know the drill,, the dress I included is the one the reader wears during the interviews.

W/c: 4.7k

𓆟. ° .• .𓆝 .• ° . 𓆟 . ° .• .𓆞

The day was going well. You and Jesse switched places for training, although he did give you a weird look when you mentioned you taught Ellie how to make a fire. That night you have dinner with all four of your new friends: Jesse, Tommy, Maria, and Dina. You discuss what skill to show off to the gamemakers tomorrow with Tommy after you all eat. He was glad to hear about how the training went, especially because this is around the time tributes usually start acting alone. This being said, Tommy thinks it’s best you and Jesse don’t know what the other is planning.

“So you’re tellin’ me you jus’ played footsies with the cute girl and showed her a skill you already know? That more than half the tributes already know??” He leans against the wall of the hallway that you two are talking alone in. He’s glaring down at you as if it’s his own life at risk.

“Tommy, I wasn’t playing footsies. I literally didn’t even touch her.” You roll your eyes.

“Not what I meant.” He shakes his head.

“And besides, I figured out how to tread silently on different terrain all by myself.” You cross your arms and smirk proudly.

He perks up at this, holding his hand out in a ‘stop’ motion. “Woah woah woah, hold yer damn horses. You mean all terrain?”

“Pshh, no, of course not. You can’t be silent on broken glass.” You tap your head, as if to say ‘duh’. “But yeah, most of them.”

“Use that.” He smiles and pats your head how all dads do.

“But that’s lame. There’s gonna be people throwing axes and carving tools. They’re gonna give them a good score and not me and then I’m not gonna get sponsored.” You play it off like you’re just pouting, but you are actually starting to get scared. I mean, it’s life and death.

“But you can’t do any of that. Use what you can and you will not regret it. Trust me.”

~

A few hours later, you and Jesse are sitting side by side again outside the training center. This time, Ellie’s there early, and her mentor is scolding her. She’s probably getting the same lecture you got, bumping coochies or whatever the hell Tommy said. Once she’s done getting scolded she looks around the room and makes eye contact with you. She smiles slightly, but doesn’t wave or anything.

Once everyone is there, the head trainer comes out. “Alright. We gotta lot of you to get through, and if we want these results for the sponsors this evening, we better get moving. District 1 male tribute, you are up.”

You look up a few rows ahead of you, and see Ellie fidgeting with her fingers. What kind of skill would she even have? She’s not a career, but if she does well they might boost her score because of that. She didn’t know how to make a fire before she met you. She was playing around with that pocket knife, maybe that’s it? You didn’t really pay any more attention to her once you figured out your terrain thing.

Ellie was the fourth one of all the tributes to go in. She actually looked nervous as she stepped inside. It’s completely soundproof in there, so if you wanted to, you wouldn’t be able to hear anything even if you tried. You look at Jesse and he smiles slightly. A little weary. Maybe after the scores are announced he’ll tell you what he does in there.

After about 15 minutes or so, Ellie comes back out, wiping the fake blood they use off her face. It scared you at first, but after the first tribute went in, the head trainer told you all the gamemakers added it to be more realistic. If by realistic they mean inhumane, then yeah. Sure. You wave her over to talk to you as she heads over to the exit.

She leans over and whispers, “Only had one skill to show off. Don’t know if they understood it.. but uh, we’ll see.” She gives you a goofy grin that’s slightly too big, and two thumbs up, before walking off.

What does she mean ‘don’t know if they understood it?’ If she used her little knife, wouldn’t they have seen it? The gamemakers have been known to not pay attention to the tributes fairly often, but who wouldn’t stop and stare at Ellie. She did walk out with that weird fake blood on her, after all.

Before you know it, it’s Jesse’s turn. He stands up and gives you one of his small smiles as he heads into the room. You don’t want to, but your mind always ends up drifting back to Ellie. You wondered how she was going to act in the arena. Would she still talk to you like how she does now? Without caring what the careers and rest of the tributes think? You guys haven’t even talked about the games, and what you were going to do in them. It seemed almost rude to you. What’s the point in talking about alliances now? And why would she choose you? She’d be much better off with virtually anybody else..

Suddenly, the same girl pops her head out and calls your name. You silently curse yourself. All this thinking about Ellie has got you too worked up. You needed to focus and calm down if you wanted to show off your skill correctly. You take a deep breath and walk inside.

You had requested different types of terrain, and you saw them all laid out in little boxes on the floor. They were basically built like sand boxes; there was actual sand in the first one, and then grass, and then they kept going up in difficulty, all the way up to the broken glass you were talking about that you knew was going to crunch.

You walk up to where the gamemakers are. There’s a forcefield but you know they can still hear you. You raise your voice a little, “Uhm, hey. I’m not doing this again, so… if you miss it, you miss it.” You shrug at them. Better that they know you’re starting so they don’t miss it. You plan on them not hearing anything.

You check to make sure your shoes are all good. They’re nothing special, just the ones they give you for training. You start on the sand. It’s easy, you just hop a little so you don’t sink in, and you’re good. No noise. Next you try the grass. Again, no noise.

Okay, now it was really time to show off. The next one is snow. They made it the kind that creaks and sinks in a little, so you have to go slow on this one. You step heel to toe, and try to make your steps as flat as possible, so your weight is distributed. You pause, making sure the snow moves slowly under your foot. You decide to take shorter steps, instead of the long ones you used on the sand. Rinse and repeat. No sound.

You glance up at the gamemakers, and they seem a little intrigued. Well, little isn’t good enough. You move onto dried leaves over cement. Any child would go crazy over this. You bend your knees slightly, like you’re skiing. You basically use the same method as the snow. It doesn’t take as long, and no sound was made. You hear a quiet murmur from the gamemakers. Fuck yeah.

You go through a couple more. Things like gravel, mud, a wooden deck, and metal grates. And then you get to the glass. The shoes they gave you are tough enough that no glass will come through and cut you, but that’s not what you’re worried about. You keep your arms close to your body and try your best balancing as you walk across. Slowly. Even slower. Absolutely no sudden movements. You’re holding your breath, until you get to the end. You weren’t completely silent, but you were damn as close as you could get. You hop down from the row of boxes and smile at the gamemakers. They don’t clap or anything, they probably aren’t allowed, but they smile back.

Let’s fucking go.

~

“It was soooo great, Tommy. Everyone was watching me at the end like I actually feel really good about it and I can totally tell they wanted to clap for me-“

You’re cut off from your rambling by Maria shouting “It’s hereeee!” in a sing song voice. You all scramble to the giant couches in front of the tv to watch Caesar announce the scores. You look over and notice Dina is sitting criss cross apple sauce by Jesse. She has her hand on his leg. Huh.

Your head snaps back to the tv as soon as Caesar starts talking. “Good evening to all of Panem, tonight we have our special scores straight from the gamemakers! Sponsors, get your pencils ready, because you are going to want to mark down who you’re placing bets on!”

As he goes on with the introduction, you look at Tommy with an exaggerated face that says ‘EEK IM SO NERVY!’ He just smiles and gives you a thumbs up.

As always, Caesar starts with the tributes from district 1. You scoff as their almost perfect scores pop up on screen.

“Fucking careers.” You hear Jesse murmur, and you widen your eyes in agreement.

The district 2 male tribute also has an amazing score. You tense up, holding your breath when you see Ellie’s next, almost as if it’s your own damn score they’re showing. You look around at everyone else in the room, they’re glaring at her, like she’s some sort of threat. Shit. You remember that she actually is.

“Ellie Williams, with a score of 11.” Your jaw drops. Now you’re really curious as to what she did in there. You notice Jesse looking at you. You want to wave it off, but you give him a concerned look.

The next of the scores go by unbearably slow. Tommy and Maria make a few comments about each one. You and Jesse just agree as fast as you can so you can go back to worrying about what your own scores are going to be.

Jesse’s score is up. You don’t want to freak him out, so you stare at the tv. Caesar announces that he got an 8.

“Holy shit!!” Dina leaps off the couch and jumps up and down while holding Jesse’s hands. “That’s like- the best you can get without being a career!”

Jesse laughs and everyone claps for him. In other circumstances you’d probably hug him. Dina’s got that covered. You give him a look that says ‘ohhhh I see what’s going on here’. He just rolls his eyes at you.

You were so focused on how touchy Dina was being that you completely forgot your score was next. Tommy nudges you a little and points at the screen. There’s the little video they took of you. You wonder what Ellie is thinking right now.

Caesar announces your name, pauses for a second, and says the number ten.

TEN???

“HOLY SHIT!!” You jump up from the couch at the speed of light and turn around to face your friends. Jesse and Dina’s jaws are dropped.

Maria raises a glass and Tommy gives you a high five. “Told yah it would work.” He says, and you grin at him.

~

The next day are your interviews. When Dina’s not busy flirting with Jesse, she’s been working on brand new outfits for you guys.

“I think you’ll like it. Hopefully. I’m doing something a bit different this year.” Dina says while she’s pulling out your outfit from racks of clothes.

“You do something different every year.” You reply. Wasn’t that the whole point?

“Yeah, but I mean like different different. You’re doing really well so far. Everyone loved you at the parade, and now sponsors are talking about your score from yesterday.”

You just nod. You really should be proud of yourself, but every day that the games get closer, you find that’s all you can think about.

“Here.” Dina says nonchalantly, and you have to do a double take as she pulls out another beautiful dress. It’s white like your other one, but nowhere near as fancy. It’s still really nice though. It’s probably made of the highest grade satin you can get in Panem, with silver beading on the chest. It’s long, and has a little slit for your leg, although it’s probably more so that you have room to walk and don’t trip. There’s even little cuffs for your hands and arms. And of course it can’t be a Dina design without the piece de resistance: Angel wings.

You whistle, and look up at Dina. “You really want me to wear this?”

“That’s why I have it on a mannequin in front of you.” She smiles, and leaves the room for you to change.

You don’t really have a plan of what to say during the interview. Tommy said to just “go with the flow” and whatever you say will sure to have the sponsors going crazy over you.

As soon as you get the dress on, Dina comes back in and leads you to the line where all the tributes are.

You get a glance at Ellie for the first time since she scored an 11. She’s wearing another suit. This time, it’s dark green, and compliments her eyes. Her hair isn’t in its usual messy half up half down style, it’s actually neat for once. Probably per request of her stylist. She turns slightly when she sees you, and you feel your heart beat out of your chest for a second.

“That damn girls gonna be the death of you.” You jump a little when you suddenly hear Jesse’s voice behind you.

You frown and shove him a little. “You really shouldn’t say that. Yknow we’re in a death game, right?” You two smile at each other. You’re glad that you guys can still joke around in times like this. All of the other tributes are glaring at each other in line.

Suddenly, you hear a roar of applause, and someone laughing into a microphone, which can only mean that Caesar is up on stage. “Hah ha!! It is time.. to meet each and every tribute face to face!!! Yes! How exciting…”

As he drones on, you look ahead and see Ellie straightening out her suit.

The first three tributes are all careers, so of course their interviews go well. They seemed to have turned up the charm factor to 110% compared to how they were during training. Pretty soon Ellie’s at the front of the line. One of the Avox’s puts his hand on her shoulder to guide her when it’s her turn. She swiftly backs away and puts her hand in front of his face in a ‘stop’ motion, and expertly walks toward the stage.

Caesar introduces her as he holds out his arm. She walks on stage with her hands in her pockets. A mix of casual and confident. She just smirks when she hears how crazy the crowd is for her. If you didn’t know her, you swear she’d be coming off like the biggest douchebag right now.

Even so, the people are eating it up.

Caesar sits down with her after shaking her hand. “So, miss Williams, I hear you a not a career. Would you tell us a bit about that?”

She actually manspreads and folds her hands together. “Damn right, Caeser. No offense but.. never wanted to be here in the first place.” She’s so nonchalant about it.

“May I ask.. I hope I’m not intruding, but… you did this for someone very dear to you. Yes?”

“I guess since you asked…” she sighs dramatically, “the rumors are true. I was forced to volunteer.” She looks down at the floor and sighs again. She’s turning this up way more than you would ever expect. This new persona seems exactly like her true self, and at the same time, not like her at all. The crowd goes absolutely bonkers. It goes on for awhile, and she just keeps playing up her sad little act.

She leans forward. “So, Abby. I know you’re watching this. Hah, I’m being televised to all of Panem right now. My biggest ‘fuck you’ would go to The Man, but right now, it’s going to you.”

She looks directly in the eyes of one of the cameras, cups her hands around her mouth, and says a nice long and drawn out “Fuuuuuuuuuckkkkk you.”

You scoff at it. At her. This is so fucking dumb. They probably have to censor it anyway. Your eyes narrow at her as she gets mixed reactions from the crowd.

Any reaction is better than no reaction.

~

You zone out a little. Her interview seems like it’s going on forever. They talk a little bit about her choice to wear suits instead of dresses. And how weird she thinks everyone else is. You fiddle around with your dress as you grow more and more nervous.

You’re pretty sure that Caesar is actually giving her a couple more minutes than the tributes before her. I mean, can you blame him? She’s basically walking sex right now.

“You sure are one of the most true to yourself tributes out there. Haha!!” He leans in closer to her, and his voice lowers a little, “I have to say, you are not like the others, are you?”

She has this awful shit eating grin on her face. “Nope. You’ll never see me acting like something I’m not just to get sponsors.” She pauses, then says, “Especially all sweet like an angel.”

Your grip tightens on your dress when you hear it.

That. Little. Bitch.

~

You don’t even pay attention to Jesse’s interview. You’re so mad. You never get mad. You weren’t even mad on the day you got reaped.

Before you know it, it’s your turn. You let the Avox touch your shoulder and guide you to the curtain backstage. You feel like your mind is completely blank. You can hear what Caesar is saying perfectly fine, but you don’t care. The world around you suddenly doesn’t seem real.

Caesar calls your name and you go on stage to greet him. Your face is completely blank. But you don’t feel relaxed. All you want to do is go anywhere else right now. You don’t care about anything anymore, you just want to get this done as fast as possible. You walk on stage so lightly, like you’re a ghost. Like you’re floating. You shake Caesar’s hand and sit down.

“Quite the outfit we have going on here today.” He gestures to your whole get up, which is the exact last thing you wanted him to mention. Of course Dina just had to make something so memorable and distinct.

“Yeah. Different than the other one.” You say. That’s all you can manage to say. He gives you a short look that says ‘cmon man I’m trying to help you out here.’

You inhale sharply, and say, “I know it’s not…. Everyone’s favorite.. but I hope you like it.” You turn towards the crowd at the last line. You’re taking a big leap here, for calling out Ellie like that. The audience loved her after all.

There’s a few whistles and polite clapping. Everyone is silent for a few seconds.

“Now, living in district 8, you make clothes for the Capitol all the time. How is it now that you’re actually here?” He tries to prompt you.

“It’s fine.” You say.

The interview goes on like this. He asks you a question and you stare off into space just to reply with a short answer.

However, you look into the audience. They’re completely silent. Not because they’re bored, but because they’re intrigued. You’re probably the only one in the history of the games to not spend your interview talking so the sponsors can know you better. It seems that they’re way more interested in something new.

~

After your interview you float back off stage. You stand by yourself for a second to try and regroup.

The careers and the other tributes who are done are standing a little further down the hallway. You decide to join them. Maybe listening to them drone on and on will snap you out of this. One of them is making fun of Caesar’s hair and the way he talks. You laugh a little at this, especially when some other kids chime in with their impressions of him.

You see Ellie out of the corner of your eye. You look at her, not even caring that you’re staring.

She walks closer and stops when she’s next to you. She smirks, “They’re really paintin’ you as a lil’ angel, huh? You gonna take me to our lord and savior?”

Your face and tone flatten, “We’re leaning into it.”

She looks at you for a second. You can’t tell what she’s thinking or what the look on her face is. She hums out a quick “hm.” before smiling and going on her way.

~

When you’re at dinner, Tommy is lecturing you. “You’re goddamn lucky the crowd found you interestin’. Even if you didn’t say a damn peep.”

This snaps you out of your trance. “I don’t need any more lectures, Tommy. I get it.” You huff and get up from the table. “I’m going to bed.”

Jesse had already asked you what was going on in your interview, which was sweet, but you really didn’t want to think about it any more. You waved him off, and mumbled something about being upset by what Ellie said. And you tried not to cry. But now, as you entered your room and shut the door, there was no one. No one to see you. And no one to talk to.

You felt like a little kid getting their feelings hurt. But you couldn’t help that your bottom lip quivered and tears started to run down your cheeks. You felt embarrassed by yourself, even in your own room with nobody around. How fucking stupid to be crying over this. It was your own fault for getting your hopes up about Ellie being your friend. This is the goddamn hunger games. There are no friends. She was just pretending to be nice to you as a joke. Or to fool you so she can have an ally and kill you off later.

It’s absolutely fucking hopeless. The games were tomorrow. You were probably going to die first. At the cornucopia. It wouldn’t even be a cool death. You’d be all sad looking at Ellie and some bitch with a bat would come up behind you and bash your head in.

You’re still in the dress you wore in the interviews. Dina’s never going to use it again anyway. That’s what she said, right? You hated the way it looked on you. There was a little pair of scissors in your room. Not big enough to do serious damage to yourself, even if you somehow wanted to. It’s not like you could anyway. You still had family.

You just cut the stupid dress off you. Would’ve been a pain in the ass to get off in the first place.

You decide to just sleep in your underwear, instead of whatever pjs they’ve decided to give you. You think about how dumb it is that you thought about Ellie all through the night the first time you met her. You didn’t even actually meet her until the second day. And now you were here all alone in your room and all your thoughts of Ellie were turning sour. Fucking Ellie. God, what a bitch. Fucking stupid.

You muttered all this to yourself as you paced around your room for far too long. You can hear the clinking of glasses and tableware. You do feel kind of bad for not staying or cleaning up, but what fucking ever. You’re going to die soon. These snobby Capitol bitches can clear their own plates.

Suddenly, you hear a knock on your door. You turn around to face the door, “Tommy, I’m sorry. I don’t wanna talk right now.”

“Uh.. it’s me.” You hear Jesse say. You can see him shuffle his feet through the crack under the door.

“Shit, hold on.” You slip a nightgown on in case he wants to stay. You open the door. There’s a hickey on his neck. “Where the hell is that from?” You ask him, and you realize you sound more like his mom than his friend.

“Uhhh..” is all he has to say, and he flashes you a sheepish grin.

You roll your eyes at him, “Whatever. Just come in.”

You cross your arms and stand in front of your bed. He’s still taller than you, but somehow, he seems small. And nervous. “It’s game day tomorrow. Like… literally.” He laughs a little, then looks at you with concern, “I just wanna say that I’m sorry ‘bout what happened with Ellie. That was fucked.”

If it was anyone else, you probably would have shut them down. Told them to get lost, or whatever it is people say. Told them it’s not their business, and you can handle it. But, since it’s Jesse, you actually find yourself appreciating it.

“Thank you, Jesse. That’s- that actually makes me feel better.” You shuffle your feet around, and you feel stupid for stuttering, but Jesse doesn’t seem to mind.

He stares at you for a while. You don’t know if he’s wait for you to talk, or if he’s thinking of something to say. He softly touches your arm and says, “We’re friends, right?”

You look up at him and nod. You start to cry. He hugs you. There’s no use explaining it; everyone could guess why you’re crying. The feeling of dread in your stomach won’t go away. You think that Jesse is probably the nicest person you’ve ever known.

As if on cue, he hugs you tighter and says, “I’m glad to have known you.”

You know he’s not trying to hurt you, but that simple sentence just makes you cry even more.

~

You can’t even remember falling asleep. Was that really yesterday? It feels like so long ago. You look at the time. Maria wanted to have breakfast together one last time, but you slept in. You don’t even care. They’re putting you in the games this afternoon. You decide to sit at the window seat in your room and focus on the rain until you’re called.

When it’s time, you follow Tommy to the aircraft which will bring you to the arena. He says he’s proud of you. You just nod.

You get into the aircraft and they put a tracker in your arm. You feel numb again. You look at the other tributes sitting there with you. Jesse’s not there. And Ellie’s not there. That’s probably a good thing. You didn’t know if you could handle yourself if you saw Ellie before the games began.

After you’ve arrived at the arena, an Avox leads you to a little room where you meet with Dina. She says something about wanting to bet on you, if she could. You mutter a quick ‘thank you’ and brace yourself to go in the tube thing that will send you into the arena. You look down at your clothes they’ve put you in. They’re so.. boring. At least compared to all the fancy dresses Dina cooked up for you. They’ve literally given you a t-shirt, jeans, converse, and a hoodie for this year. Just normal clothes.

Dina hugs you and you step in. Within a couple more seconds, it’s lifting you up. You strain to hear any hints of who’s around you. If maybe Jesse is calling out your name or if Ellie’s scoffing at what you all have to wear. You suddenly feel the platform in the tube stop rising.

The countdown starts, and with that, you snap out of your trance.

You finally see what the arena is. And so does the rest of Panem. There’s lines and rows of buildings as far out as you can see. Your eye quickly finds Ellie, and then Jesse. He’s panting harshly. Ellie actually looks scared. Compared to how it was raining earlier, the gamemakers have given you guys sun. Such happy weather to kill each other in. You glance to Jesse, the buildings, then Ellie, and back to the buildings. It’s a whole city.

Holy fuck.

𓆟. ° .• .𓆝 .• ° . 𓆟 . ° .• .𓆞

[narrators-journal]

20$ make a fella holla

I don’t know if it’s obvious, but I can never describe Senku’s fucking hair. It’s just...how do you describe that shit??

Regardless, I hope this is a fun read, I just kinda had fun with it, tried to make it amusing to read, just a lil fake dating romp <3 Hope the romantic tone is there though at the end! I thought it was a pretty cute lil moment, at least.

Some people loved weddings, with the belief that they were the perfect time to bask in the love of your partner and joy of your family. Some, believed the events to be garish, stressful, exhausting nightmares for everyone involved. Which, was more or less the group you fell into.

Though, of course, you had no real issue with weddings, and someday may also wish to be married to your own future partner. But, that didn’t keep the sudden invitation to a family friend’s surprise nuptuals from coming out of left field.

So, befitting someone in your panicked position, you scrambled to find a date to accompany you to the event. Someone, anyone who could make sure you couldn’t be paired off with a complete and total stranger for pictures, and that no well-intentioned aunties, or eager, nosey grannies could offer potential dates and suitors.

Alas, your boyfriend had dumped you a month before, and none of your friends were free to attend with you. “When does this crap end? I’ve got a project to get to.”

Desperate times called for desperate measures.

“Senku, will you please quit complaining already? Do you have zerofucking social skills?” You hissed back in a similarly quiet tone your date at the reception table. Aka your roommate, Senku Ishigami. A slightly eccentric, odd-haired 19 year old science prodigy on his third year of college, and your last fucking nerve at the moment.

But, your annoyance seemed to simply bounce off of your ‘boyfriend’ as his crimson eyes glared back at you as he muttered quietly, “I do, but this is damned boring. Plus, this tuxedo is itchy as hell. I did my bit, why don’t we just leave already? The ceremony’s over.” “Because that’s passive aggressive and rude, Senku. Have you never been to a wedding?” You asked back, but before your ‘boyfriend’ could shoot back with some explanation about the useless nature of such events, one of your tablemates asked, “So, how long have you two been together?” in an attempt to start some less hissed and angry conversation. “Oh! Uh, about…” While you scrambled for a good answer, Senku jumped in to save you, “Going on two years soon. A little under a month before that marker, actually.” He answered, his boredom well hidden under his usual cool, unbothered demeanor as he spoke, but it still irked you.

Almost as much as his claim did, honestly. God, why am I not surprised that he doesn’t give a singular fuck about the plot holes I’ve gotta patch up if someone asks for details?You mentally fumed as your expression remained politely chipper and joyful as the woman across from you continued to ask questions. “How ever did you two meet then? I hope I’m not rude, but you two don’t seem like eachothers ‘types’.” She hummed, but before you could toss out some bland, cutesy meet-cute plot, Senku spoke once again, “Oh, kinda creepily, actually. She needed a room mate, I was just the person to take her offer.” Why not just admit I’m paying you to be here too?!“We didn’t like eachother at first, I usually don’t like super extroverted girls surrounded by dramatic friends and shit. Which, at first, that’s what she seemed like. I mean, jeez, let loose a machete-wielding maniac on campus and she’d have been prime ‘hot bimbo victim’ material.” Oh my fucking god, Ishigami, what next? Calling me ‘the old ball and chain’? How is this supposed to be believably romantic?!But, of course, the man continued regardless of your attempts to psychicly blow him up. “But, a month or so in, I realized my assumptions were wrong. She’s actually quite a funny, charming girl, with a good head on her shoulders, and some intellegence to her. And...well, y’know, I asked her out from there. Though, I have no clue why she agreed to date my ass, but she did! And I’ve held onto my title since then.”

As he spoke so easily, you were stuck with a nerves-laced smile the entire time. Only able to muster the occassional giggle to try and sell the romance in his take on your actual situation. Because, what else were you to do? Correct your boyfriend on your meeting story? That’d just out how fake the two of you were in an instant, so you mostly focused on your bland wedding reception food and tried not to give your room mate dirty looks as he spoke.

Thankfully, though, the woman across from you two seemed at least a bit charmed, or at least amused by the romantic twist on how your initial meeting with the odd-haired scientist. So, you could let out an internal sigh and redirect the conversation away from your ‘love story’ before Senku could cook up any other questionable tales. But, as you sat there in polite conversation as you ate your fillet mignon and mashed potatoes, Senku’s story was able to settle into your mind. Allowed to stew and marinate as the reception continued.

Why the hell would he got down such a weirdly honest route? He seems more the type to claim we met on tinder, not that weirdly sweet tale of growing to like me from an awkward set up. You asked yourself. Because, in the two years you’d had the man as a room mate, he had always favored blunt honesty over sugar-coating anything, so, it was odd that he had such a long-winded lie at the ready. And it you couldn’t explain it away as him having ‘prepped for the role’, you had to fight him just to put on a tux and pull his gravity-defying hair into a ponytail so he didn’t look weird in any wedding photos. He wouldn’t bother with that type of preparation. So...what? Was he being...honest?

It wasn’t an entirely comfortable realization to come across. Even if Senku had his moments of being attractive, and he was a pretty good room mate, he had the tact of a brick, and a blatant love for science over any living person, least of all you, right?

God, get a hold of yourself, girl.You chided yourself with a small sigh, only a glance thrown to your date to briefly study how he sat and ate his food, that glint of boredom back in his cherry-colored eyes. This isn’t some rom-com fanfiction. Your roomie hasn’t been harboring some deep love for you for two years unless your a beaker of nitroglycerin. You reminded yourself firmly, the flustered butterflies in your belly squashed coldly as you returned to the food in front of you.

Though, after a moment, you did dare another glance to your pretend boyfriend beside you, and this time, those crimson orbs looked back at you. And, as if the scientist had suddenly learned to read your mind, he leaned over until you could feel his warm breath tickle your ear when he whispered, “What’s with the weird looks? Surprised the unfeeling scientist has a heart?” in a playful,flirtatioustone that was almost alien to hear mixed into his voice. A tone you had heard plenty of time in your life, but still managed to cause you to gasp, and choke on your own spit. Like a true charmer.

“Oh! Oh shit, are you choking on something, hon?” Senku asked, instantly on his feet as you coughed on your surprise, “Jesus, maybe this is a good time to go. With your luck, dear, you’ve got a cold brewing.” He said, at least decent enough to fabricate some form of a lie before he took his opportunity and almost drug you from the reception hall just as you got your breath back. I’m going to kill this bastard.

[himejoshiangels]

batgirl 2000 reread bcs I'm crazyy...IM NUTS!!!

her and that damned rose..what does it all MEAN!!! it makes a reappearance l8r...also I missed this dynamic so so bad. me when I'm in a seeing my kids as an extension of myself competition and my opponent is Bruce Wayne

I always forget how fucking potent and tension filled the first arc of this comic is man. it's like, bcs cass can't speak or even have thought bubbles everything's communicated via her actions or the words of the ppl around her. every panel she's in has to be chock-full of emotion and every time she interacted with someone the implications and the ffUCKKKKK‼️

the atmosphere in this damn comic man

I dunno man not to "back in my day!" when it wasn't even my day. but comics these days don't trust the audience even a little. there's always gotta be paragraphs of text having a character explicitly state every detail of their motivation and like not that old comics didn't also do that but at least the words they wrote were pretty like fuck man who are they hiring to write this shit anymorw

this transition is straight out of a movie. I know we say this with literally everything but if ANY comic in the world should get an animated show it has to be this one. top contender. it's formulated like one already, it's episodic w perfect overall themes and bigger plots. even the vibe is perfect, the grainy mtv cartoon thing it has going. every day I pray for a batgirl 2000 cartoon it'd go so crazy jsut adapt the shit straight

batgirl 2000 just keeps hitting you and doesn't let up bcs in the same episode SORRY issue..where cass meets lady Shiva for the first time is also the same issue where babs first begins to address her as Cassandra

^^WHICH IS CRAZY bcs we have to keep in mind that up to this point cass is nameless, she's only been referred to as batgirl. this is one of the first times she goes out as not batgirl too tho, bcs Bruce benched her. it's GAHHHHH that whole thing where vigilantes angst and drama abt titles and legacies and their individual identities is exacerbated so so bad for cass bcs batgirl is the first name she's ever given. like it's all she ever knew and ever was. Cassandra came after and THIS

THIS PANEL RUGHT HERE ohhh my god it makes me crazy. she's only batgirl. she doesn't even have the words to explain it yet. she's only a reflection of the city she's sworn to protect its all she is and at first its lowkey all Bruce let's her be. not to mention. her relationship w babs, I'll speak on them l8r can't do it now I'll explode

a 1:1 animated series man. it's all I can think about so so many iconic moments. I don't kill but I don't lose either is already as cold as cold gets. the way the comic is formatted already fully visualizes as animated in my brain and it's so so fun to watch

LIKE LOOK AT THIS!! cinematic as he'll and it's not even moving..

both cass and Bruce hit the bullseye like....

Cass's perfectionism is such an underrated character trait of hers (in like the greater batfam fandom and more modern comics not here, never here) bcs she literally sacrifices her life about it. she's so self detrimental about how not perfect she is anymore and Bruce's nonsense doesn't help either. man sees himself reflected in a teenage girl once and looses all his damn sense. I'm just, yea we know "mediocre for a life time or perfect for a year" < god that goes hard, but the true tragedy that is cass's inability to see how unnatural and upsetting it is that her mind works the way it does at all, that she can run into bullets head on but complains that she could do it with more skill when she was 6 or whatever like girl...never evr letting myself become desensitized to her trauma, David cain when I get you...

AND ANOTHER THING AND ANOTHER THING!!! KKKKKKKKK!! the sideplots and b plots and background characters in this comic..each of them are offered so much empathy by the narrative and are written purposefully to reflect or foil whatever cass's current conflic is all while feeling like fully fleshed characters even if they only appear for one issue

^^ I have feeling abt these panels but my lawyers are advising me not to speak atvthis ttime

THFUCKINH THE ROSE!!AGAIN!!! so sure this is old news but my running theory is that it definitely ties into cass's sense of self and identity outside of her living weapon status. this whole issue is prime babs v. bruce custody battle material bcs babs wants cass to be able to have a normal life, to be someone outside of batgirl bcs where she is now isn't healthy even a little bit but bruce argues that cass doesn’t need that, all she needs is her devotion to the mission < now we don't have time to unpack all that but in this moment we see her make the choice, dropping the rose. in the very first panel of the whole comic cass does the very same thing, she drops the puzzle (representing her childhood) in favor of violence bcs at the time its all she knows THE PARALLELS HELP HELP MEEE

AND AND THIS NEXT WHOLE PANEL is so evocative of the first few issues where cass couldnt yet put her emotions into words. just atmosphere and silence. BECAUSE she's confused!!! bruce says justice is what she needs that it will make her feel better, feel normal but it doesn't!! she looks over the city and still feels..feeling!!!! she picks the rose back up and extends a hand out to barbara bcs she was right, she not Bruce, she can't sit in a cave all alone all day and feel better (<which arguably doesn't even work for him either)

in the next few issues she meets steph and tim which is soo fun bcs letting cass have friends her age opens up so much for potential dynamics. especially her relationship w steph, not just in a stephcass way but in a narrative foil way, to me at least

next post I'll probably talk abt cass's guilt, self hatred, and need for atonement but we move‼️

[strawhatkia]

love you more when the day is new.

INCLUDES ! katsuki bakugo, eijirou kirishima, and hitoshi shinsou x black!fem!reader

GENRE ! fluff

SYNOPSIS ! weekend morning antics or, what it's like to wake up to the boys !

WARNINGS ! y'all live in an apartment (not the dorms), characters have been aged up, if i miss anything let me know (it's so fcking late)

WORD COUNT ! i have no clue...

A/N ! imma do a pt.2 because i wanted to add sero and izuku but i can't fucking focus so y'all have this for now !

SONG SUGGESTION ! breakfast in bed by rayana jay, breakfast by fana hues, one love by cleo sol

reblogs and comments are welcomed and loved, so leave some please ! i will respond ! 🤍

MAIN MASTERLIST | BNHA MASTERLIST | TAGLIST

— ☾⋆⁺₊🧨💢✧ KATSUKI BAKUGO !

with how early this boy goes to sleep, waking up before him is quite literally impossible

usually it's you waking up to him on his phone as he rubs your side with his free hand, tucking you in closer to his chest while looking the most relaxed you will ever see him

he always knows when you're about to wake up, and og i am not kidding, the boy picks up on when you're heart rate changes

but there's a reason, i promise ! kats is vv afraid of losing his hearing one day due to his quirk so he kinda asked recovery girl to teach him how to pick up on someone's pulse from their neck

after that, he always positioned himself so you would be laying on his arm and his hand would be on your neck some how cute right?

this is the best time for cuddles because he is so pliant and peaceful and warm

the moment you look like you're getting up, he immediately puts his phone down (he really didn't care for it but he was bored waiting on you to wake up)

he quietly accepts your hug, tangling his legs with yours and tucking his head into your neck with a sigh as you slowly wake up

"morning suki" "g'morning" "did you sleep okay?" "hm...i was bored waiting on you" "my bad, how long did you wait?" "not long...go to bed early" "not everyone is an old man like you kats" "shut up, talking shit this early- don't laugh-"

his arms tighten around you when you shift and he continues to rub circles on your back and rub your sides in hopes of you getting to relax more so you don't get out of the bed

"babes, we gotta get up" "hm." "we can't stay here all day" "like hell we can't" "kat-"

prepare for some soft kisses to shut that nonsense up because he ain't hearing none of it

i feel like if you had a scarf on and the knot was pressing into his face, he would just snatch that shit off in the middle of your sleep and either redo it or put a bonnet on for you

"kats...where's my scarf?" "hm? i took it off" WHAT-" "the damn knot was hurting my face" "...i oughta whoop yo ass" "oh shut up, i know you feel that damn bonnet on your head ! it's not like i left your head unprotected !"

how he gets away with taking it off without you noticing is a mystery (and a profound skill)

when it comes to breakfast, he is definitely making it and no you can't help

"one of these days you'll get tired of making breakfast every morning we have off" "dumbass, if that day comes i'm either sick or you need to come knock some sense into me" "i can cook, kats, you do know that right?" "i didn't ask, you do know that right?" "aight, nigga-"

he'll never say it out loud, but you're his girl and he's supposed to take care of you so breakfast is the least he can do; plus you're still sleepy, he doesn't want you to burn yourself (never mind the years you spent making breakfast for yourself)

big on french toast with brioche bread just because he can and he loves the way you struggle a lil to bite into that thick ass piece a bread ; you stuffing your face with food he cooked always makes him happy

(if you're the type of person that dances or hums or makes a face when eating good food, just know he's looking for that cue and won't be satisfied until sees it)

also food = love pipeline !

— ☾⋆⁺₊🐈‍⬛🌀✧ HITOSHI SHINSOU !

you always wake up first, always

toshi has trouble sleeping most days and with him being a stealth hero, sleep often alludes him

sleeping with you helps as much as it can but he still struggles sometimes so in the morning, you let him sleep as long as he wants

i'd like to think that he runs a little cold most nights so the bed being warm is important to him sleeping peacefully so in the morning when you wake up, you don't get out of the bed too quickly

he's such a cat, even in his sleep, so cuddling with him will get you an immediate response; if you tuck him into you chest and rub his back, he'll snuggle closer to you and sigh, relaxing even further into your hold ; if you kiss his forehead and rub his side, he'll roll into your touch; if you try to spoon him and nuzzle into his back, he'll hold your arms in his hands, stroking his thumb against your forearm

blankets *

it's getting out of bed that is incredibly hard because there's a chance he'll wake up which we don't want= mf needs sleep ; even if he sleeps for a little while long, he'll notice the bed get cold almost immediately

technically, this is the morning but y'all don't roll out the bed until noon because toshi needs sleep and you'll feel bad if you wake him before he actually gets up

great cuddler tho !

— ☾⋆⁺₊ 🦈🪨✧ EIJIROU KIRISHIMA !

one of the few times, his hair isn't trying to impale everything near it

despite how much gel the boy puts into his hair, his hair is very soft and fluff (also do to the fact you make him take better care of his hair bc whew-)

smooth, silky, and soft ! it's hard not to touch as soon as you wake up because it's just right in front of your face and so you run your hands through it (kiri definitely wakes up the moment you start stroking his hair but like hell he's moving away, to relaxed to move)

when he does want to wake up, he stretches very slowly before letting out the loudest groan and popping every bone down his spinal cord

"well damn, kiri, you good" "never better" "okay well don't break your back, old man, we ain't even got out the bed yet" yea haha very funny"

another cuddle bug but definitely more aggressive, pulling you on top of him and wrapping his arms around you while kissing your cheeks multiple times, laughing when you groan or yell at him to put you down

he doesn't

i envision kiri as the type to just go back to sleep as soon as he's comfortable again so getting out of the bed is a very long affair

even so, he does not stop trying to kiss you anywhere he can reach (ofc a lil softer than before) and humming when you kiss him back

he's just so soft and loving in the morning, shit is almost overwhelming

just letting you know, i fully believe that if you let him start or start it yourself, he'll kiss you the entire morning and start tearing up because he just loves you so much

©STRAWHATKIA ━ all rights reserved. all content published on this blog belongs to starsoir. please refrain from copying, stealing, profiting off my works, or using my works for asmr related work. i don’t allow my works to be used or adapted in any way without my permission.

reblogs and comments are welcomed and loved, so leave some please ! i will respond ! 🤍

wanna read more ??

boyfriend. | f. | katsuki bakugo

lip gloss, lil mama. | f. | bakugo, sero, shinsou, hawks, and mirio.

taglist : @mypimpademia @sevvnt @cosmiles @megurulvr @dreampurpledreams

eijirou kirishima taglist: @cosmiles

[cnjosephs]

Random list of writing tips

If you're stuck on something and don't know how to go forward, the issue probably isn't what you're trying to write—it's what you've already written. Maybe you can't figure out how to get your characters out of this situation because it wasn't in-character for them to get in the situation to begin with, or maybe you tried to have that big emotional conversation too early and it's falling flat, or maybe there's just something about how the last paragraph is written that's making it hard to go forward. Try backtracking a bit and going in a different direction

Varying your sentence length can make your writing flow much better and feel more engaging

You don't need to entirely avoid artful, fanciful descriptions of things, but you should figure out the best way to use them that fits the style you're going for without feeling overused. Sometimes you need an in-depth, poetry-like description of a bedroom. Sometimes we just need to know there's a bed in there. Unfortunately, it is up to you to figure out what's the right call for each situation

Get way weirder with your writing than you are right now

"Show, don't tell" is a lie. The truth is that you should sometimes show, and sometimes tell, and the only way to consistently figure out when is the right time for each is to write a lot and read a lot until you develop a good feel for it. But people really like to pass around "Show, don't tell" because it does better in cute Instagram graphics than "Practice a lot until you figure out how to do it"

"Writing" is not a skill. "Writing" is an umbrella term for a few dozen different skills that are all only vaguely connected to each other. Writing a novel is different than writing a poem is different than writing a short story is different than writing an essay. Even within those categories, you can break it down even further (editing is different than worldbuilding is different than writing dialogue, etc etc). Writing short stories will hone a lot of skills that can transfer to novel writing, but ultimately, if you wanna get really good at writing novels, you've just gotta write a bunch of novels

And, jumping off of that: it is so perfectly okay to write a novel and not publish it. Sometimes a novel exists in this world so it can be published. Sometimes a novel exists in this world so you can practice writing novels & make the next one better

Don't permanently delete things from your writing—cut and paste them into a separate document. On the practical side, you may be able to re-use it later. And on the "getting over an emotional hurdle" side, it's a lot easier to remove stuff from your manuscript if you know it's not gone forever and you can put it back in if you regret taking it out

Are you having trouble editing your manuscript/revising your outline/etc because you're worried that the changes you make will be worse than what you have right now? Make a copy of your document and edit that. Now the original still exists perfectly preserved, so if you really do end up hating your new version, the old one still exists to go back to

Sometimes the best way to figure out the plot/characters/etc is to just start writing the damn thing

Giving your characters hobbies/interests that aren't relevant to the main plot and mentioning them occasionally is a really easy way to make your characters feel more real. It's easier to feel like the characters keep existing when they're not actively on the page if we can imagine what they're doing when the focus isn't on them

Also, related to the above, giving your character a hobby/interest that feels surprising can instantly give them more depth and make them feel more complex. Tell me your catty high school mean girl likes shopping & fashion and I'll think "yup, ok, most characters in that archetype do". Tell me that she's deeply passionate about repairing vintage cars and alright, you've caught my attention. Later elaborate that this passion started from the summers she spent with her butch dyke aunt as a kid and now suddenly this character feels way more interesting to me

Stop hunching over like that when you write. You're gonna fuck up your back

Personally, my characters tend to change a bit as I'm writing—not in the character development sense, but in the sense that my understanding of them/the type of character I want them to be shifts a little. If you're in the same boat, I recommend periodically doing what I refer to as "he would not fucking say that" checks, i.e. go backtrack to the beginning of the story and make sure that the way the characters are written in the early chapters still matches how you wanna be writing them

Giving yourself rewards for writing milestones is good. Those rewards should not be your basic needs (e.g. "I'll eat dinner once I hit 5k words")

The right amount of worldbuilding for your speculative fiction story is the amount that 1) suits the story and 2) you will enjoy doing. Some spec fic exists as an in-depth exploration of a secondary world, and it calls for very in-depth worldbuilding. Other times you just thought it'd be fun to have elves in your murder mystery and you know what, it's probably fine to not kill yourself doing a bunch of worldbuilding if you won't enjoy that

The time you spend brainstorming/developing the story/deepening your understanding of the characters/etc is also part of writing and is not wasted time

Creating a "which of my OCs are you" uquiz and sending it to your friends is unironically a really fun way to get you thinking about what makes each of your characters unique from each other and what their defining traits are

No matter how much you tone down your story, there are still going to be people who hate it, still people who call it degenerate filth, still people on the internet who will find excuses to call it the most harmful piece of fiction that has ever existed. Stop tailoring your book to what's least likely to make people on tumblr hate you and start writing what you enjoy

You must not fear cringe. Cringe is the mindkiller. Cringe is the little-death that brings total artistic obliteration. You will face being cringe. You will permit it to pass over you and through you. And when it has gone past you will turn the inner eye to see that the entire concept of "being cringe" is stupid. Where the cringe has gone there will be nothing. Only your earnest & genuine writing will remain

Seriously though stop being afraid of being cringe or whatever. Don't make your book sound like a Marvel movie. Be more afraid of your book being devoid of genuine emotion than you are of teenagers on tiktok calling your dialogue cringe

Showing us how your characters' flaws negatively impact their lives is a great way to give those flaws more weight

Writing a 1200 word Tumblr post about random writing tips is a great way to avoid writing your actual novel

[kesouu]

Blue Star☆｡⁠*✯ﾟ⁠+*⁠.⁠✧

(⁠☆) Narumi Gen x Oc

(｡⁠*ﾟ⁠+ CHAPTER 2 +ﾟ⁠*｡⁠)

TW: Gore...

(⁠｡⁠•̀✧) sorry got excited HEHE (it's not as long as i'd like it to be tho) ALSO IMPORTANT!!! THIS HAPPENS LIKE 2 YEARS BEFORE THE MAIN PLOT!!!

7 years ago...

"Gen!" Hoshiko runs up to her best friend and uses his shoulders to jump up "Oi cut it out!" Narumi says stabilizing himself to not let him and the girl who was way too excited for God-knows-what so early in the morning. Hoshiko calms down and walks beside him "What's got you excited so God damn early?" The boy asks and Hoshiko's smile widens"It's almost time for us to graduate!" The girl spills "No more exams! No more waking up so early! Mom and dad have been making me decide on what to do after I grad but I'm still not sure...have you thought of anything?" She glances up at the boy "Nah, I don't really have any plans too, was planning on hanging out with you 'cause I'm going to get kicked out of the orphanage soon enough after grad since im considered an adult." Narumi explains as they finally enter school grounds, changing to their indoor shoes then finally separating to go to their respective classes.

"Bye Gen! See ya' later!" Hoshiko waves at Narumi who waits at the other end of the path that leads to the girl's house as he watches her go inside. It's become routine to Narumi, go to Hoshiko's house to walk to school together, hang out at lunch with Hoshiko, walk Hoshiko home before going home himself. He knew she could walk to and from school herself seeing how skilled she is with the staff from training in Bojutsu with Kendo as her required subject in middle school but he just wanted to make sure she was alright. He's about to enter the premises of his orphanage the sirens blare.

"A kaijuu has emerged in Chiba prefecture, in the city of Sakuragi. We advise all residents in the vicinity to seek safety immediately."

He goes into a sprint back to Hoshiko's house cursing in his head that he should have listened to his gut to hang out after school at your's. On his way he's stopped by large, grasshopper-like kaijuu. He grabs the arm of a deceased kaijuu left by the defense force and uses it as a sword to fight 'All you gotta do is damage that core thing right?' he thought slicing off the head on one of the 3 kaijuu infront of him 'Two more. Let's hurry this up."

Her knees felt weak, it felt like she couldn't breath like there was a lump in her throat that just wouldn't go down, it was as if she couldn't use her voice, was this all a bad dream? Was this really happening? "Ma?...Pa?..." Streams of tears leave Hoshiko's eyes as she stares her parents. Bodies mutilated with body parts cut from their torso's. The kaijuu notice her and start to lunge toward her as she forces herself to snap out of it and peels her eyes off her now deceased parents wiping her face then she runs up the stairs to grab her wooden bō from her room as the kaijuu follow her. She jumps out the window of her room a few cutting her arms, face and legs as she fell. She lead the kaijuu to the street 'Hopefully the defense force gets to me before I get killed.'

The first of the two kaijuu go to attack her as she dodges and hits the side of the its blade making it hit the ground beside her as the second comes to slice her as well. She jumps out of the way leaving the kaijuu to slice at the other kaijuu the mentioned screeching in pain as it's stomach area bleeds from the deep cut. "Ok, got a plan now." As she runs back between the two as both kaijuu prepare to strike at her she jumps up to the height of their necks and as they slice she uses her bō to dodge by stabbing it into the eye of the kaijuu and pulling herself up. She lands on the ground as both kaijuu slice the others heads off, she takes her bō drenched in blood from the eye of the kaijuu. Her vision turns hazy as she starts to give in to the mental stress and pass out.

"Hoshi!"

"Gen!"

The two run to catch eachother in a hug, one that Hoshiko really needed, Narumi could tell by the way she had blood that wasn't her own covering her school uniform clothes and how she looked up at him with tears lining her eyes that soon enough spilled. "Mom and dad....they.." the girl couldn't even continue as tears came flowing down her eyes endlessly choking on her sobs. "Shhh...it's alright, you still have me don't worry..." Narumi says rubbing her back "Let's get out of here, I'll bring you to the shelter. I've still got something to go back for so-" The boy is cut off when Hoshiko grabs him by the collar of his school uniform

"I watched those kaijuu mutilate my parents in my damn living room, I'll be damned if you get that same fate without me getting to do anything about it."

She was frustrated, frustrated at how helpless she felt when she could only stare at her parents as it happeneds frustrated that she could have done something, frustrated that it wouldn't have become this if she could have just moved but now she will, she'll pull herself together to protect the only thing she had left "Alright then..." Narumi walks toward the carcass of one of the dceceased kaijuu then breaks off one of its legs "We'll stick this onto your bō so you can actually kill these things"

The two got seperated in a fight with multiple grasshopper kaijuu after the last one remaining had run off with Narumi running after it. Hoshiko was feeling weaker and weaker after the mental and physical stress today had on her it definitely didn't help her when it started raining sending chills throughout her body. She was about to pass out until she heard Narumi's yelling and saw a group of defense officers 'He's okay!' but the closer she got the darker her vision became until it all faded to black with a faint shout of her name from a familiar voice and loud crashing occuring.

A gasp is the first sound that escapes Hoshiko as sat up in her hospital bed startlig the boy who was laying his head on her thigh as he slept sitting in a chair. "What the hell?!" Narumi yells out due to the sudden movement from the formerly limp body only to see the girl's harsh breathing as she frantically looked around when he raises his head to which he moves to rub her back and bring her in for a hug "Hey it's okay, it's over now don't worry about it..." Narumi grabs Hoshiko's face by the cheeks and makes her look up at him as his other hand held on of her own to his chest to feel his beating heart "...I'm okay see? You're okay too, take deep breaths alright? calm down for me." he says comfortingly as he brings her in for another hug feeling her breathing steady.

The steady breathing unfortunately doesn't last as quiet sobs and tears start to come out of her. "Ma and pa are gone..." Hoshiko sobs as she clutches onto Narumi's jacket as if he were going to leave like that if she let up for even just a second, in return Narumi holds her just a little bit tighter.

"...don't leave me too, 'kay?"

"I promise."

-☆☆

[igotanidea]

Sway: Jason todd x reader

Summary: panick attacks and anxiety are shit. One of the methods to get it out of one;s system is moving your body. And some people may be suprisingly helpful with that.

Warning: nothing, it's (self-indulgent) fluff, a bit short and chaotic, but it's all I have today

***

How was this possible that nothing was going on and yet she was feeling the earth shaking beneath her feet?

Was stressing out because of taking a day off work a symptom of workaholism?

Truly, it was supposed to be a nice, pleasant Wednesday and yet, she made the grave mistake of checking out the mail and going through the list of her obligations and unfinished businesses.

Obviously, the pressure used this little crack to creep right into her brain.

“Come on, breathe…. Breathe….” She trembled, walking around her apartment and waving her hands to get some of it out. Unfortunately it did not make things any better. “In and out. Come on, Y/N, you can handle this shit. You’ve been handling it before. You are gonna be fine. Just give yourself a moment to plan it out…. “ the sound of opening doors captured her attention for  a while “Oh, who the hell….?”

“Is that how you greet me, princess?” her boyfriend, Jason Todd smirked at her, but this teasing smile disappeared when he saw the fear in her eyes and her shaking figure “Y/N? Baby? What’s wrong?”

“It’s nothing….” She gulped encouraging him to come inside “sorry, I yelled at you, I’m just…. my mind is playing tricks on me today.”

“Oh, no, no, no.” he cooed grabbing her hand and making her crash with his chest “is this one of your anxiety attack? Too much on your poor head?”

“Pretty much….I just… I can’t seem to calm down….”

“Well, out of all the methods that help you how about we sing a happy song?”

“sing a happy song?” she frowned looking at him with deep confusion “you can’t sing, Jason. And last time you tried my neighbors almost got me kicked out of the apartment for disturbing the peace!”

“It wasn’t that bad!”

“It was.”

“All right, fine. I got a better idea then.” He let go of her for one second reaching for his phone.

“What are you doing?” she took a deep inhale “funny cat videos are not what I need right now.”

“It’s not…. Oh, damn this stupid device” he was now scrolling the screen “there you go.” he grinned and played a calming, soothing song. “May I have this dance?”

“You are crazy, Jason. You can’t dance either. And neither can I?”

“come on, give me a change, baby. I may surprise you.”

“All right, just try not to step on my ….”

Before she could finish he spun her around, and connected their bodies. His hands on her waist, her on his neck, swaying left and right. In an empty apartment. In the middle of the middle day of the week. And surprisingly he was quite good at it.

“come closer, baby” he spoke softly and enchanted by his voice she snuggled into him, face burying in his shirt, smelling the familiar and soothing sense of his cologne. “is this making you feel better?” Jason whispered, stroking her back.

“Mhm…. I feel like a child in a cradle.”

“Safe?’

‘Loved.” she smiled “Like I can just be, you know. Like my value is not based on what I do and how many people at work I have to please.”

“That’s deep” he laughed “and here I am just trying to show off my crazy dance moves.”

“Swaying from side to side?” she mocked

“you said it yourself, it made you feel better, so hey, you are welcome.”

“Idiot” she rolled her eyes playfully “why exactly did you learn how to dance?”

“ok, but don’t laugh at me. Cass needed a dance partner and no one else was around and …. Hey! I said don’t laugh at me.”

“Sorry, honey, it just never ceases to amaze me how helpful you get with all the girls in your family.”

“Not every of them. I only found this a good reason to gain skills to impress the girl I am in love with.”

“Lucky one.”

“I’m luckier.” He muttered kissing her forehead and resuming swaying.

"I gotta go back to...."

"Bullshit. The only job you have for now is to relax with me."

"Well, who am I to argue...." she retorted, feeling all the tension leaving her system just beacuse he was there to help her through the mental breakdown.

@gone-batty-fics

[nerdieforpedro]

Ficlet Two - Enter the Onahole

Summary: Frenchie brings a new toy around The Boys. Tempers flare and viscous liquid is mentioned.

Warnings: MM is tired of this shit, sex toy, sex acts, grabbing, a wardrobe malfunction, cum play?, cum science?, bad language, bad humor, I feel like Frenchie would read some fanfic

The Boys: After Hours Masterlist/ The Boys Masterlist/ Main Masterlist/ AO3 Link

MM: I just want one fuckin’ normal day.

Butcher: Come off that shit mate. We’re The Boys.

Frenchie: Gentlemen, I have an onahole! It’s supposed to feel like a lovely love canal. I haven’t really been able to get out of our base here so I need something to work with. 

Hughie: Keep that to yourself Frenchie. No one wants your sloppy seconds, least of all with an onahole.

MM: I want to ask what it is, but I know I’ll hate the damn answer. Can’t we get back to planning how to take down our next supe?

Butcher: We can M, but before we do, I need assurances that I’m not gonna hear the moist, slurping, jerking sounds of Frenchie with a damn sex toy. Just go get laid with some cunt. Or go get yourself some cock!

MM: No more talk of pussy, ass, dicks and sex toys. I’m still traumatized from the Herogasm.

Frenchie: No MM! You saw glorious wonders happening and so much cum! And people cumming and being cum upon! (Frenchie has tears in his eyes - with angry, jealousy and a hint of regret.)

MM: Never mention that to me again! Gah… (MM rubs his hands together and grabs his hand sanitizer, just the thought is enough to make him feel dirty.)

Hughie: I gotta side with MM on this one, we shouldn’t talk about it anymore. I still feel like I have goo, cum and whatever else in different places and I’ve soaked in a tub and showered and scrubed and even shot water up my ass with the showerhead. Butcher told me that worked when you guys served out in the field and would get some dirt everywhere.

Butcher is convinently sliping down the hall as MM runs after him.

MM: What the hell kind of shit have you been telling Hughie!? None of that ever happened! MM succeds in grabbing Butcher by his floral button down shirt, ripping a few buttons off.

Butcher: I mean I told the poor kid in jest, I didn’t think the sad bloke actually shoot water up his ass! He has no critical thinking skills, any dumb cunt would have known I was talking right out my ass. 

Frenchie is watching the exchange and whispers to Hughie.

Frenchie: Papa and Mama are fighting. I’m upset, but also a bit turned on. Two rather strong, virile men having a disagreement and their muscles and veins popping like that. They’re also a little sweaty.

Hughie: Dude, that’s right but also really wrong….I don’t know how I feel about this.

MM and Butcher: SHUT THE FUCK UP FRENCHIE!!!

Frenchie leaves to his room with his onahole. MM and Butcher separate and storm to Frenchie’s room. They bang on the door but back away when they hear wet sloshing noises.

MM: Oh hell naw!! (MM kicks down the door to see Frenchie mixing some thick stubtance in a tube and then adding white coloring to it.) WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT SHIT FRNCHIE?! 

Frenchie: I told you, so much cum.

MM: I’m gonna be sick. Don’t you talk to me unless absolutely motherfuckin’ necessary..… MM leaves in disgust and Butcher shakes his head.

Butcher: You sick fuck, you know how to make the kind that ladies squirt? I got an idea what to shoot at Homelander the next time we see that blonde spandex shit eating bastard. 

@soft-persephone @megamindsecretlair @soft-girl-musings @westside-rot @rosecentaur1916

Ficlet One Ficlet Three

[amber-jinx]

Hi, it’s me again (:

What was your favorite character traits about Rachel Amber?

Hey! Happy to see you and boy what a great question, thank you! Loaded answer ahead; TLDR, see the good in Rachel Amber.

Rachel's many things. Pretty, hot, charming, stylish, not to mention her lovely voice, these physical traits are already a great start for many. Then you have functional traits-- ambidextrous (can I just say that's hella cool, omg I want that too), social genius/people skills, straight As student, drama queen, masked with a layer of mystery, many people would've already fallen for her, in-game and out, me being one of them when I first got to know her as a character (so pretty much those were my fav traits of her).

But if we strip her physical beauty down and shove aside her fascinating skillset, who is she really? We may never know 100%, but some character traits can still be found.

Here are some of my favourite (&underrated) Yangs to Rachel Amber's sides. aka why Rachel Amber should get more love & less hate from the fandom

Ofc there are exceptions, but those are not relevant in this post; assumptions & headcannons are added

1. A good heart

Kindness to me will always be one of the most important character traits to have for anyone. With all that powerhouse of a Rachel Amber can accomplish, she chooses to use them with kindness.

With her social skills she chooses to lift people up, saving Hayden from a quickly-escalating scolding from Mr Keaton in ep 1, asking Chloe in a nuanced way if she's "taking (getting kicked outta Blackwell) this a little too well", kinda guiding her independent thinking rather than directly telling her what's right or wrong. (There'd be constructive criticism between Chloe & Rachel, which I stan in a relationship/friendship.)

With her intelligence she tutors Justin & helped him improve his algebra from an F to a C I believe? That's pretty impressive, ngl

with her ambidexterity.. idk, she makes Chloe happy :> (yes i'm totally referring to doing graffiti with her left hand on Chloe's insistence *cough*)

This is why I'm inclined to believe that tornado was not Rachel's revenge. She'd never choose to put Chloe, her parents, her friends, at risk; if she wanted revenge she could've killed the men w her powers. Sure you can say some of these might be her trying to live up to her DA father / principal assistant's duties, but at least she chose to do them. She could very well be a kid who doesn't give a damn or fluff through some of these things that requires time & effort.

2. Sees the good in others!

One of the most underrated Rachel Amber traits imo. This girl literally has a reputation of "her friends are her friends", and does not discriminate in terms of friendship/who she hangs out with. She picked Chloe up from her lowest (saw her & praised her for backtalking the biker, defending Nathan, & "you're more of a hero than you think you realise", when Chloe didn't take Drew's money). Rachel stuck with Chloe when no one else did (puts up with her sh*t, which ofc Chloe does the same), literally chose Chloe to share her uncertain future outside Arcadia, did not take her chance to leave when she could in those 3 years, most likely cuz she wanted to leave with Chlo. She also hung out with Nathan (& Chloe when so many wouldn't), saw the good in Frank (yes. same as Nathan & Chloe his reputation is far from great and despite the unhealthiness of this relationship, she at the very least cared for the guy, & saw the humanity inside him), & very sadly fell for the portrayed "gone through some serious shit" act by Jeffers*n, all these showing her being an empathetic & sympathetic person.

I'll add non-judgemental as well, cuz it's why she's able to get along with so many people so well. Like what her VA Kylie Brown says in an interview, whoever you are, Rachel'd be like "hey you're a pretty cool person, let's talk!" It's inspiring. I love that about her. Gotta have more Rachels in the world.

3. Ambitious. Puts in the hard work. Persistent.

"One day, I'm gonna climb Mt Everst." says a 15 year old Rachel in Bts, who has posters of travelling in Asia (the green poster has Chinese words saying "go travel in China", amongst others), already speaks about her courage & ambition. And of course, leaving Arcadia with no one but Chloe for a better life. Yes you can say it's reckless, because it's a big idea for a teenager, but she didn't just give up on it. It stuck with her, and she worked hard for it. Doing photoshoots to get modelling jobs, maintaining her 4.0 GPA, finding opportunities to leave... she did those for 5 years. And in the comics universe, they made it out! Now they're over 22yos with an LA apartment, Rachel's in modelling gigs with her acting career kicking off... what could've been for game Rachel. (oh the things I'd do for Bts' ending to be Max appearing in the nick of time instead of that damn vibrating phone!) Also I wonder if in some universes, like the wheelchair Chloe one, a missing Rachel could mean she actually made it out without others knowing, instead of the darker end.

4. Caring & thoughtful & protective & passionate partner/friend/lover!

She listens to Chloe's problems (therapy session), she gives Chloe nice clothes to wear within the few days they'd met (what financially challenged Chloe needed, & in a way that wasn't awkward for Chloe), she sends post cards to Chloe while she's away (she thinks about her often), & "don't f****ing touch her". Passionate lover, I mean.. the way she kissed Chloe under that lamp (with high intimacy of course) is good enough an example. Chloe's the romantic one in my head. Rachel, the passionate.

*the way she puts her hand on C's shoulder after wiping her tears, OmO*

So far these are the character traits I can think of, and your question helped draw out Rachel's positive sides that are too under-recognised. Thanks again! :)

These links helped me understand Rachel & Amberprice better, here for people's reference:

Because I choose to see the good in Rachel, I'm her defender through and through. Join me, if you can.

Edit: damn I literally wrote an essay, maybe 1 day there'd be a video!

This pain wouldn't be for Evermore.

[pagesfromthevoid]

Safe & Sound | j.m. | 3

Joel Miller x fem!reader

Word Count: 2.8k

Warnings: Age gap (she’s 32); She’s Frank’s niece. Heavily implied SA towards the end (not by Joel; if you wanna skip it —stop reading when we flashback to 2018)

Author’s Notes: ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ I like the idea of playing shitty road games with Joel and Ellie

Series Masterlist | Talk to Me! | AO3

“Eyes on the map,” Joel scolded, pointing at the paper in Ellie’s hands.

“Jeez, I’m all turned around –it’s not like I’ve ever been in a fucking car before,” she argued, throwing her hands in the air in frustration. An annoyed silence fell between the three.

In the backseat, she glanced up from her book –a ratty copy of a romance novel she’d read a thousand times already –and looked between the two. Ellie was red in the face, frustrated by her lack of navigating skills, and Joel had managed to scowl even more than usual as he glanced at the girl in the passenger seat. The tension in the car was palpable, and the only sound was the soft hum of the engine and the occasional rustle of pages as she turned them. She could tell that Ellie was on the verge of yelling at him, and Joel's irritation was only making things worse.

“Did FEDRA not teach you how to read a fuckin’ map?” Joel demanded, trying to snatch it from Ellie’s hands. 

Tired of the bickering, she sat up. “Why don’t we switch seats for a bit?” She offered, tapping Ellie on the shoulder with her book.

Ellie didn’t hesitate, pulling her seatbelt off and practically falling into the backseat.

“Jesus, could you not –,” 

“Joel,” she warned, though her voice was soft as she climbed into the front and into Ellie’s place. She picked up the map, turning it over a handful of times before she finally got her bearings. “It looks like we are…” She pointed at a small town on the map, then out the window as they passed a half visible sign off the highway. “Right outside Everett, Pennsylvania. If we follow this stretch, we’ll run through Kansas City. Is there a QZ there?”

He glanced over at the map, as if confirming she was right, before nodding and returning his attention to the road. “There was. Not sure if it’s still up and runnin’ though.”

“And if it’s not?” She asked, glancing at him from the corner of her eye.

“Hope that no infected or anything else is waitin’ for us.”

She hummed a bit in response, grinning at him teasingly. “Totally reassuring.”

Joel was about to respond when Ellie bumped the back of her seat, making a sound of disgust and confusion. 

“What the hell is this?”

She glanced over her shoulder as Joel looked at Ellie through the rearview mirror. Being held up in their face was an old magazine, very clearly enjoyed, with a half naked man on the front. Quickly, she reached back and considered taking it —then pulled her hand back when she realized why the pages were so wrinkled. 

Then she gagged. 

“Oh my god, put that away,” she begged, wiping her hand on her shirt even though she hadn’t touched it. 

“Seriously, Ellie, get rid of that —,”

“Ah, ah, no way. I’m learning science,” Ellie argued, pushing herself back into the seat and opening it. “Gotta see what the big deal is.”

She covered her face with her hands, feeling a blush creeping up her cheeks. Joel groaned and continued begging for her to put away the magazine, reaching behind him to try to grab it. She refused to even try, pushing herself further into the door to keep herself as far from the krusty pages as possible. 

“Will you take the damn thing from her?” He asked, looking at her in the passenger seat. 

“Fuck no, I am not touching that. I know where it’s been!”

“Where’s it been?” Ellie asked, coming up between them, magazine behind her back. 

Joel blanched, looking between Ellie and her with sheer panic on his face. She shook her head frantically, putting her finger to her nose. Joel was a dad at some point in his life; she knew that much about him. Which meant it was his job to explain that kind of shit to the child in the car. 

“Nose goes.”

“Are you fuckin’ kiddin’ —,”

Ellie cackled, falling back into the seat again. “I’m just fucking with you both. You should have seen your faces, holy shit.”

The window rolled down, and Ellie chucked the pages outside into the wind. In the passenger seat, she groaned and covered her face with her hands again. Joel’s scowl returned to his face, though he was glancing at Ellie through the mirror. She turned and pressed her back into the door, using her backpack as a cushion.

“We should play a game.”

“Yes!”

“No.”

Joel and Ellie spoke over each other, earning dirty looks between the two of them as she laughed to herself. Then Ellie hit Joel’s arm, motioning to her in the passenger seat. 

“Come on, I’m bored. She’s bored. You’ve been out voted.”

“You both know I am the only one who knows how to use a gun, right?” Joel asked, looking at her now with narrowed eyes. 

“Are you threatening us because we wanna play a game? Holy shit, Joel,” Ellie exclaimed, throwing her hands up. 

She scoffed. “Jokes on you, cowboy. I know how to use a gun. And a crossbow. And I know how to make a Molotov cocktail. Bill taught me.”

“The fuck is that?” 

“Nothing,” Joel quickly interrupted, giving Ellie a pointed look in the backseat. Then he pointed at her, the scowl ever present on his face. “Don’t explain how to make that to her.”

She put her hands up in defense, rolling her eyes. “I won’t but you gotta play a game with us.”

He just groaned, banging his back against his headrest. But he didn’t say no, so she turned to look at Ellie with a grin. Ellie was practically bouncing in her seat, waiting for her to suggest a game.

“How about…I spy?” She offered, looking out the window.

“How about something not for babies?” Ellie countered, leaning forward again. “Never have I ever.”

“Absolutely not,” Joel refused, looking to her next to him for some sort of back up.

“Out voted again, cowboy,” she teased, shooting fingers at him with a grin. “We’ll keep it PG-13. How’s that sound?”

“Lame,” Ellie offered as an answer, but the smile on her face said otherwise. “Since Joel’s driving, how’s he gonna keep track?”

“We’ll start with five each, and I’ll track his?” She offered, looking at him now. 

“I don’t care,” Joel grumbled, frowning as he kept his eyes on the road. 

“You could at least pretend to wanna do this,” Ellie commented, giving him an annoyed look. But the girl’s attention soon shifted back to her, her annoyance turning to a grin as she held five fingers up. “Okay. Never have I ever…been in a plane.”

She laughed, looking at Joel as she put a finger for herself down. “I flew to Michigan once.”

Joel shrugged. “I have.”

She put a finger down on her other hand, pulling a knee up to her chest in the seat. I have was better than a grunt or an I don’t care so she wasn’t going to complain. 

“Okay,” she hummed, thinking carefully. “Never have I ever…been to FEDRA school.”

“What!” Ellie exclaimed, putting a finger down. “Fucking lame.”

While her attention may have been on Ellie, from the corner of her eye, she saw Joel crack. Just a little bit. A small smile that barely lifted the corners of his mouth —but it was there, briefly. 

Ellie hit his arm, getting his attention. “Your turn.”

Joel’s smile disappeared as soon as Ellie’s attention returned to him. He didn’t reply for several moments, and she wondered briefly if he was suddenly done playing. 

“Never have I ever been raised in the middle of the end of the world.”

Ellie and her both stared at him, and that smile of his returned. Barely there, but clear as a day. A smug look in his eye as she put a finger down, leaving her with three and Ellie with two. Ellie was cussing up a storm, complaining how it wasn’t fair that he used that one because he’s an old man, of course you weren’t!

But Joel was grinning still, enjoying the reaction from the girl behind him. And she was enjoying watching him show some sort of emotion outside of being pissed off. For a brief moment, it felt normal. It was a road trip, they were playing shitty road games. Everyone was okay. 

Until Ellie spoke. 

“Never have I ever given someone a kiss for their fucking birthday,” Ellie exclaimed, looking rather proud of herself. 

Joel’s smile dropped, and he immediately looked at her with annoyance. “We’re done playin’.”

“What —that’s not fair! Just because —,”

“Ellie,” she quickly warned, looking back at her with a Shut the fuck up look. The young girl clapped her mouth shut, falling back into the seat with a groan. “Why don’t you get some rest? Just take a nap, or something.”

“I’m not even tired.”

However, within half an hour of silence that had taken over the truck, Ellie was fast asleep in the back seat of the cab. She kept glancing at Joel, waiting for him to say something. Anything. Get mad at her, scold her. Literally anything would be better than the silence he was giving her. 

She was the first to break, because of course she was. Joel was probably perfectly content not saying a word to anyone if he could help it. 

“I didn’t mean to tell her,” she whispered, looking down at the book in her hands. “She was annoyed with you. I was just trying to reassure her.”

“Didn’t need you to do that,” Joel responded curtly. “I don’t need you spoutin’ off my business.”

“Our business,” she corrected, finally looking up at him. “It's our business, because you and I are involved.”

Joel shook his head, jaw clenching as he tightened his grip on the steering wheel. “Did you tell her anything else?”

“No.” She shook her head, turning in her seat to face forward now. Her arms crossed over her chest, and she stared at the empty highway in front of her. She could feel Joel’s eyes in her, as if he was trying to see if she was lying to him. But she kept her eyes ahead, refusing to look at him. “God forbid I tell her what else you’ve done for me,” she mumbled under her breath.

“Don’t,” he practically hissed, pulling off into the grassy field. 

She grabbed the support bar, surprised by his sudden detour. “Joel, what the fuck —,”

“We’re gonna stop for the night.”

Ellie had been woken by the sudden rough ride, disoriented as she sat up. There was an obvious tension in the cab, and Ellie was too smart to not notice it. But neither her nor Joel said a word as he drove them into the woods to find them camp. 

*****

It hadn’t taken long for Ellie to fall back asleep, curled up in her sleeping bag beside the truck. Joel was sitting on his gun resting in his lap as he kept watch. He’d sleep eventually, and he knew he would. But right now, he couldn’t bring himself to try. They were too out in the open, and he didn’t want to risk not hearing any threats approaching. 

“I can take the first watch,” she suddenly offered, sitting up from her own sleeping bag. She was closer to Ellie than to Joel, but she stood slowly to bring her space next to him. “You need to sleep, Joel. I’ve been well rested for ten years —I think I can handle it.”

But he shook his head, looking over his gun once again. “All the more reason I should be doin’ it. You’re not used to survivin’ on nothin’.”

“Don’t patronize me, Miller,” she scolded, sitting behind him. Her back pressed against his, covering the areas he couldn’t see. “I think you’re forgetting that Bill was also my uncle. I learned to survive even if I didn’t have to.”

“Yet you didn’t use those fuckin’ skills to stay inside the fence,” he countered, and she just knew he was scowling at whatever tree or sound he was staring at. 

“Are you actually mad about something that happened like five years ago? You choose to bring it up now?”

“You pretty much told Ellie, you might as well talk about it now.”

She whipped around, shoving the back of his shoulder. How dare he get angry at her for something she had already suffered for? It wasn’t his right to throw a fit now, of all times. She was about to snap at him, pushing him again to get him to at least man up and look at her. But, when he turned and faced her, he wasn’t glaring at her or angry. He looked worried, and her frustration melted away as she sat down properly again. 

“Joel,” she murmured, hesitating for a moment before she reached out and touched his arm. He didn’t recoil, though he didn’t look at her. 

As she touched Joel's arm, she could feel the tension in his muscles, as if he was trying to hold back a wave of emotions. She could sense his reluctance to engage with her, as if he was struggling with something within himself.

“Do you even know what I did?” He asked, his voice low. For a brief second, she thought he even sounded dangerous.

“I know you killed someone,” she offered, pulling her knees to her chest and wrapping her arms around them. “That’s all Frank told me, though. I just…I assumed that was all you did.”

“I did…so much worse than that.”

“Why?”

He finally looked at her, eyes hard. “Because…he hurt you.”

--------------------------------------------------------------

2018

“What the fuck do you mean, she went outside the fence?” Joel demanded, practically slamming his fist into the table. 

Frank looked at Bill, and Joel knew suddenly that they both knew. They knew what he and their niece had been doing for years now. Joel wasn’t ashamed of what he’d done —what they’d done. It was only a handful of times, with stolen kisses here and there. 

She wanted human contact, and Joel was happy to oblige, even if it never went further than kissing one another in empty kitchens or moments of aloneness. It satisfied a need for one of them, and he had other ways to get what he wanted anyway. 

And she was pretty, and sweet. And it wasn’t as if she was a kid; she was twenty-seven. Capable of making her own choices. And her choice was human enough. 

All she wanted was to feel wanted, and Joel did want her. There wasn’t an ounce of denial in him —not that he’d admit it out loud. He may have wanted her, but he wouldn’t do anything about it. He’d kiss her, he’d enjoy that softness that she offered, and he’d never tell her how much he actually cared about her well being. 

It was best to not get her hopes up for anything more. 

“She’s been talking to someone on the radio,” Bill explained, pushing the notebook she had been using to write down their messages. “Someone from the Boston QZ.”

Joel’s heart thudded in his chest, considering just who she was interacting with there. “Who?”

“She won’t say,” Frank sighed, rubbing his face. “But…but it’s a man, we know that much. Because…”

But Frank didn’t need to finish his sentence. He didn’t even need to explain it was a man. Joel knew it was a man; knew it was someone who hurt her. And it was like his blood was boiling inside his veins as his fists clenched at his side. 

Tess put a hand on his shoulder though, giving him a look. “Let me talk to her. I know what she’s going through right now.”

Bill and Frank glanced between each other, but Bill delegated the decision to Frank. He simply nodded, motioning for Tess to follow him upstairs. Joel was left with Bill, alone. Both of them seething with an unbridled rage that became the first thing in common for the two of them in a long time. 

“I’m gonna find him,” Bill swore, voice grave. “I’m gonna find him, and I’m gonna kill him.”

“No.”

“Excuse me?” 

Joel looked up at Bill from his seat at the table. “You’re gonna stay here, and keep her safe. Tess is gonna find out who it was, and I’m gonna handle it.”

“Don’t think I don’t know why you fucking care, Miller,” Bill stated, standing up from his seat. Joel stood too. “I know what you two have been doing. Frank doesn’t want me to wring your fucking neck for it. So I’m not gonna —but you’re going to make that fucker suffer.”

Joel’s jaw clenched as he stared Bill down. 

“You find who did this to her. And you fucking hurt him. I don’t want it quick. I want it painful. Do you understand me?” 

“I do.”

He was going to make him suffer.

———

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