#it is Fine! it is always merely Fine and I CANNOT explain this

[blujayonthewing]

of all the Extremely Helpful Hot Takes I thought I might get about this, 'do you even like chocolate to begin with?' was admittedly not one I expected

[throwaway-yandere]

𝗖𝗹𝗮𝘀𝘀𝗶𝗰𝗮𝗹 𝗖𝗼𝗻𝗱𝗶𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻𝗶𝗻𝗴 [Yandere!Dottore/Reader]

a/n: this fic is 100% dedicated to @leftdestiny-posts and they would know just how much they had inspired me in this fic once they finished reading it HAHAHAHAH. P.S.: the classical songs mentioned are actual songs. Yes, the title is half a joke. Here's the spotify playlist if you're curious.

Unreliable Synopsis: You cannot remember your past, but your doctor has been with you every step of the way— and he's more than willing to spend some time with you outside the hospital. Still... did you always have pure white hair?

CW: yandere themes, light body horror, manipulation, its dottore, c'mon LOL.

Concert II "Tristezza Di Fine Anno", performed by the Morespoke Philharmonic with their conductor, Lady Columbina, began nearly an hour ago. And you had the fortune of hearing their songs for yourself.

The well-dressed crowd filled the seats, behaving in what was appropriate for their high station. It was fully booked. The music overwhelmingly masked anyone's breaths, if they had one to start with. Her program can be felt deep in the audience's bones. Rattling them in each sforzando before it lulls down through the sound of her handpicked musicians— with Lady Columbina as the lonesome soloist when the moment calls for it.

"This piece, Symphony No. 5 in C-Sharp Minor, is not Columbina's own making, she had failed to mention that," your company hummed. "This was by another composer who hid behind the name Safed. They were a self-fulling prophecy. Do you wish to know what they said about this piece?"

You said nothing as Zandik— Lord Dottore— stroked your unnaturally "white" hair.

"They said that nobody understood the piece and that they wish they could conduct the first performance five centuries after their death."

Zandik smiled.

"What say you? Do you think those words are true?"

Your company was a tall and thin man with artificially pale-ish skin and wavy blue hair. His eyes were reportedly bloodshot crimson, although you had not received proof of that in this lifetime. But, you were drawn to his deep ocean-like colors, and that was enough to keep you mildly complacent to his strange remarks.

Zandik is surprisingly a considerate man, but he must've brought you with him for a reason. He told you himself that the reason he brought you out of your prison-like hospital room was a mere experiment on his behalf. Paradigm-shifting consequences of his strange social experiments with you are likely to occur, and he cares not for its ethical debates. He won't ask for rhetorics; these to him are tangible outcomes and no questions will be entertained.

All except his.

"I think��� "

The composition had a serene, slightly asymmetrical feel to it. You were certain this was Lady Columbina's creative liberties at play. Something about it did not capture its true authenticities. The show purported to narrate three stories: the first concerned a judge who had to find a loved one guilty; the second concerned a prince who drove their beloved into despair; and the final was a tale of a knight who disregarded his obligation to defend a loved one.

But it felt incomplete. As if there was a missing piece— a secret fourth act hiding between the notes and stage.

"A person can't completely mourn for something they would never experience," you told him. "But even so, if I were Safed, I'd feel like my effort would've been a waste."

His eyes remained trained on your hair as you spoke. Zandik seems to dislike it. Unlike his cells mixed with engineered nanomaterials, yours are uniquely… "natural". His hair has a color intensity, whereas yours was the presence of every color— as physics explained it.

"Something they would never experience…" Zandik repeated, tasting the words on his tongue— a smirk etched on his face as though it tasted like bitter irony.

You continued.

"I have a hunch that Safed put everything they worked hard on all their pieces because Lady Columbina wouldn't have performed it otherwise. Since all the songs on the concert's program are marketed as underappreciated compositions, I would… um… infer that they also questioned their works and ultimately themselves if it all had worth in the end. Hopeless for the lack of attention, they probably thought there's more hope if they lived in another generation."

You wanted to say, though you're not sure where this negativity came from, that they probably despised how their well-crafted works were ignored and their sloppy yet significantly more popular compositions angered them.

But you're not Safed. You don't want to put words in their mouth.

".... Hmm, an acceptable hypothesis— a decent one, even," whatever monotonous response Zandik wished to convey, his voice betrayed his grand satisfaction. "Yet I won't give you any confirmation."

"I know."

Zandik laughed.

"The next piece is Norn's Adagio for Strings Op. 11, before the closing Symphony No. 6, better known as Pathétique Symphony, in B Minor Op. 74."

You tilted your head innocently. "Pathetic?"

"Another piece by Safed. It's a Fontaine-translated title. It's originally named pateticheskaya, which meant passionate or emotional, not at all pitiable."

He crossed his arms, insulted as though he was the one who came up with the original title.

"Roughly half a millennium past, the masses attributed Safed's demise to the strains of their final composition, the so-called Pathétique, a mere nine days preceding their exit from this mortal coil. The prevailing narrative spouts a tale of a tragic surrender to the clutches of undiagnosed clinical depression. I find such simplicity in analysis rather pedestrian, wouldn't you agree?"

You took a while to process his inquiry before hesitantly nodding.

"I… I think so."

Zandik smiled.

It's hard to tell if it's genuine, especially when such a protruding mask hides his eyes. Should its existence vanish, you aren't certain you'd see a soul within his pupils either.

"Safed hated this piece, believing it should be cast aside and forgotten. They were living in the woodlands when they wrote it— and when they decided to live with their benefactor, it was suddenly difficult to tear them away from their work."

You nodded to cue that you were still listening.

"They have an incredibly deep connection with their works. One might say they see in tunes rather than color."

You nodded again.

"Your inclination towards a perpetual affirmation of propositions, presumably to veil any potential lacunae in your cognitive purview, does not escape me. It is, if I may be so bold, your agreement that conceals your specter of unfamiliarity, right?"

You rarely understand a word he says when he is in this passionate state. You just nod as if you knew.

"Adorable," Zandik chuckled.

His voice was chillingly low yet… comforting. 

"Your sincerity constitutes an enchanting facet of your comportment."

He had to be teasing you.

"Although…" Zandik grabbed a few locks of your hair as though it was slimy and unpleasant— quickly retracting them with a disapproving tilt. "You could stand to utilize more (h/c) hair dyes. How is it conceivable that it has returned to white yet again?"

You opened your mouth but Zandik raised a finger.

"No. I am the scholar here. Do not answer."

You giggled. "Understood, Doctor."

He grinned, inadvertently showing off his pointed canines.

"What a good test subject you are, my dear (Y/n)."

Whether good was a subjective or objective assessment or not was up to interpretation.

The mid-concert intermission began, allowing Lady Columbina's pressured musicians a 20-minute sigh of relief. Zandik ushered you to the back where the Lady Harbinger reposed on a white sofa, her cheek brushing a visibly soft and cloud-like pillow. The bright backstage lighting made her seem ethereal.

She looked like heaven, but Zandik would argue that "(Y/n)" is the true epitome of the word.

"Greetings. As expected, you'd initiate conversation at the earliest convenience." She cooed. "You look younger today, Doctor."

"You know very well that I do not take that as a compliment, Columbina." Zandik scoffed. "How many times will we rehearse this canned script until it is a learned lesson?"

"Perhaps it shall end on the day you refrain yourself from recreating… perspectives."

"Since my encounter with the Dendro Archon, I have not revisited that notion."

Columbina's gentle smile dropped coldly. "You know that your segments are not what I am referring to."

You looked back and forth between the two. Each of them was a distinctively unique person and it's a challenge to take your eyes away from the other.

Hence, when you felt Lady Columbina's eyes on you, you shook and straightened yourself before bowing stiffly.

"G-Greetings, Lady Columbina!!!"

Her gentle smile resurfaced.

"Greetings to you as well, dear Safed."

You blinked.

Dottore clicked his tongue, and Columbina laughed softly.

"Apologies, I meant to say (Y/n)— that is the name you go by in this era of humanity, right?"

You'd rightfully claim that between the three of you, you were the most human. Zandik has his clones, Columbina's origins are of strict secrecy, and you are a mere amnesiac patient. But the way she addressed you was sounding awful like stripping you away with that sense of humane identity.

"Yes? I guess?"

Columbina delightedly buzzed in your reply. "(Y/n)— truly a lovely name. That must mean that you're very healthy! It warms my heart to hear that name again. The other ones had terribly dull names, but if the Doctor had given you this title, then it must mean his research is finally drawing to a close."

Her remarks made little sense. You know little about yourself and trust only the Doctor's judgment. Should you trust her words, then it must mean (Y/n) isn't your real name…

But… that doesn't seem right either. 

"Not quite, the name deserves no celebration," Dottore replied happily. "I merely ran out of translations. Bianco, Wit, Bái— what else is there? Ancient Natlan?"

"Scientists truly make for terrible poets— Why not try Inazuman?" Columbina offered.

Those words must have had a heavy weight to them because Zandik pondered for much longer than expected.

"Hmm. I'll keep that in mind," Zandik muttered. "Although it is preferable it does not have to reach that point."

"May I ask why did you bring them here?" Columbina asked.

"It's a bit of an unconventional experiment, but I've been exploring how to elicit positive associations with certain stimuli. Exposing them to music as I accompany them should cause them to associate the emotional response it elicits with being around me." Dottore hummed. "It would be asinine to put them in a chaotic yet controlled environment such as a theme park. While a racing heart may be effective, I shouldn't risk a (Y/n)'s well-being by subjecting them to roller coasters."

"Are you sure you're not the scared one?" You asked cheekily. Zandik rolled his eyes.

She shook her head.

"What a roundabout way of saying you're taking them out on a concert date…"

Columbina looked at you once more.

"Oh, but (Y/n), you appear unwell, my dear…" she pointed at stage left. "Why don't you fix yourself up in the nearest restroom?"

Dottore raised an eyebrow, which made you want to decline Columbina.

"I'm r-really okay, Lady Colum—"

"I insist."

Columbina smiled wider. Her laced mask cast a gloomy shade on her visage.

You had no other choice.

"O… Okay."

The halls that led to the restroom were mostly empty. Perhaps it was due to Lady Columbina's performance that made them patiently await the next song.

But there was one young man you encountered along the way. He had blonde half-way braided hair and purple-ish eyes. You paid him no mind as he circled a small rectangular paper, likely the concert's ticket, between his fingers. However, within a second, that paper vanished.

You stopped in your tracks and looked at him curiously, wondering if your eyes played tricks. He laughed, noting your attention.

"Ah! Sorry," he cheerfully gestured a small wave. "Didn't mean to practice in public."

The blonde man approached you with a smile.

"You're #9805, right?"

Immediately, you both got on the wrong foot.

Your nose scrunched, "I prefer (Y/n)."

The man flinched. "Oh, yikes! I'm not making the best first impression— nice to meet you (Y/n)! I have something for you."

You thought he was handing you his concert ticket for a moment but when you took a good look, it was a grayscale brochure.

And a white tulip…

"Um…"

"Needless to say, I'm something of a—"

"Trickster?"

"Magician, but an astute guess nonetheless!" He laughed sheepishly. "I was waiting for you, I thought you wouldn't go to the restroom."

So, did Lady Columbina plan this?

You caressed the binding and skimmed through the pages. "What's this for?"

"Father said you might be interested in its contents," the young man said. "That's all."

You blinked.

"... Are you saying you missed out most of the concert just to hand me this?"

He laughed awkwardly again. "My dear sister says I have a habit of missing a hint of romanticism when it counts, so I guess today's just one of those moments."

"Did you not like the music?" You scoffed, temper rising.

"Did you hate the composition? Did you not understand the e-emotion behind the chords? Don't you understand just how d-disrespectful that was?!"

"Woah, woah, I didn't say any of that." His eyes widened.

He didn't expect your voice to crack.

"I'm so sorry if you're offended— are you one of the original composers?"

…

You took a deep breath.

… Why were you mad?

… Why did it feel like those songs mean more to you than meets the eye?

"Sorry, I just…" You shook your head. "I guess I'm not feeling well. Oh, no, I'm so SO sorry…"

An unknown part of you thrived to hear him praise the music. That same part pitied the composer who worked day and night to perfect their piece. It's an ugly voice, but it was sincere.

… What was wrong with you? Why did you suddenly lash out? What was going on?

"Oh, well there's no need to be sorry then." The blonde man took his hat off and bowed.

"Farewell, Mx. (Y/n)!" He grinned. "The greatest magician in all Teyvat will take his leave. Thank you for your time!"

With the sway of his dark cape, he disappeared.

You entered the restroom to wash your face. It didn't do much to soothe your nerves. The lingering dread for your strange emotional mood swing remained.

To distract yourself, you read through the article.

The Enigmatic Legacy of Composer Safed

In the annals of musical history, few figures emerge as enigmatic and hauntingly captivating as the orchestral composer, Safed. Born five centuries ago amidst the ancient woodlands of Sumeru, this ethereal musician seemingly materialized from Vanarama with no familial relations.

Huh… So it's about the one who wrote the previous compositions earlier.

No wonder that blonde man asked if you were one of the composers. He was being a smartass.

A Fiery Finale: The Pathétique Symphony

Legend has it that in their final act of emotional expression, Safed penned the "Pathétique Symphony," a composition so emotionally charged that, overwhelmed with disdain for their creation, they purportedly set ablaze their woodland home. Seeking solace and escape, Safed accepted the benevolent offer of a city-dwelling benefactor.

…

…

Safed… burned down their house?

No…

No, that's not how you remembered that.

No.

No. No. No. No. No.

That's not what happened. "Safed" didn't burn their house down.

Suddenly, you stilled. Your thoughts ran wild, but your inner rationale tried to force them to a halt. This peak in anxiety did not make sense.

… Why would an amnesiac like you know what happened?

A Swansong: Il Dottore's Beneficence

Their benefactor, now celebrated as our Lord Harbinger, Il Dottore, welcomed Safed into the city's heart. It was here that the truth unfolded: Safed had been grappling with hearing loss for years, an affliction that fueled their artistic brilliance yet cloaked them in a muffled world. They were unaware of their disability, yet thrived in their field.

…

…

Wait…

Before you began to read the final paragraph in Safed's brochure, you hurriedly went back to Dottore and the composer's vintage photographed portraits.

After seeing their face, you dropped the brochure in the restroom's sink.

You saw their face.

You saw YOUR face and Zandik's.

But not quite. That was you, but at the same time, it wasn't. Zandik looked stiff in those photos with "you", likely a product of the time since Kamera photography was used only in rare formalities that required a bit of dress up. But the "you" you saw was sickly way beyond the formal costumes. They had (e/c) eyes and (h/c) hair, but yours were all white. 

White…

Safed… That's the Sumeru translation for white, isn't it?

Bianco, Wit, Bái— they're all translations for "white", aren't they? And if Dottore and Columbina's earlier conversations were to go by, the one after you would be named Shiro.

…

The one… after you?

"Tut tut."

You trembled at the familiar sound.

You slowly turned your head around and there he was, leaning against the restroom door.

"You were in the restroom for too long. It appears my suspicions were not unfounded."

Without waiting for a response, he approached with large strides. His gloved hands seized your stressed shoulders. The grip tightened harshly as he forced you to meet his intense gaze. Blood trailed from the corner of your mouth, and your anxiety heightened. He angrily bared his sharp teeth as he watched it stain his gloves.

And yet Zandik looks…

Sad.

And distressed.

He pressed his earpiece.

"Test Subject #9805 exhibits troubling symptoms. Hematemesis suggests a severe physiological response. Persistent manifestations of albinism in ocular and follicular pigmentation indicate underlying deformities. Immediate isolation is warranted for the researcher and subject's well-being."

His hand was cold. Skin imbued with silver nanomaterials after several operations, reminiscent of the age-old philosophical question: "Is it still the same ship if you gradually replace all of its parts?" 

Then Zandik did something unexpected.

He dropped his hold and you prepared yourself by shutting your eyes as he swung his arm.

To hug you.

"I'm sorry, I have failed you again, (Y/n)," Zandik muttered. "I should not have raised my expectations."

"W… What? Why are you putting me in isolation?" You asked, rattled. "What have I done?! I just— I didn't do anything wrong! What did I—"

He shifted, dragging your arm to hug him back as though you were a little girl's doll. Zandik rested his head on your shoulder, shaking slightly.

"In your innocence, no fault lies. I thought I had accomplished what I had set out to do, and met unfulfilled expectations" Zandik gritted his teeth, voice somber. "Despite centuries of refinement, it appears that I still have room for improvement in perfecting the process… I was right. This deserves no celebration."

The doctor laughed sadly.

"When will I ever be proven wrong?" He asked himself as he wiped the blood off the corner of your lips.

He pulled away, pecking your forehead.

"I'm sorry."

Those were not the words you expected from his mouth, and yet you heard it more than once. I'm sorry. It does not fit his character, nor does the tender yet cold hug he had given prior.

You're scared. You're terrified. You know what was bound to come. You know what awaits you. White walls. Silence. Separation.

Solitary.

Far from a choice. Far from negotiable.

There's no amnesty.

And yet, the words flowed from you naturally.

"... I forgive you."

You have no idea why you said what you said. There's no certainty that you believed your own words. Zandik's lip twitched downward.

"You should not," Zandik croaked. "Why? Why must you always forgive and accept my selfishness? Do you derive satisfaction in seeing me in this state?!"

You opened your mouth to answer but were stopped abruptly as he grabbed your hair.

Zandik had always favored you compared to other patients. You know this very well. He's an evil man and the list of actions he had done that had harmed you in the name of science is at least two pages long upon your awakening. Yet, you were sure he liked you enough for he told you of his new exciting experiments. He scolded you when you left his research institute for fresh air. And he would hold your hand whenever you dreaded those thick injections.

You just didn't know he had it in him to fold from his intimidating facade just to kiss you like a desperate man. 

Breathless under his control, he softly pressed his lips against yours. His lips were chapped and cold, and he took you in gently as though he'd break you. Zandik, as strange as it was, still seemed to prioritize your comfort over his needs. Normally, this tension would've made him so short-tempered. But this will be your last interaction. The doctor tasted your blood in his mouth, and he was nauseous at the thought of hurting you more. But he stopped. Even though he wishes to force all his pent-up desires onto you. Even though he wanted to love you thoroughly that you'd forget your name again.

Zandik whimpered quietly as he pulled away— sounding like a dog that would not sleep that night. What was left in between was a thin disappearing line of saliva and blood that quickly broke off.

The doctor should be happy he finally got to have a proper date with you after 9805 failed attempts. 

But he's not content.

He was about to lean in for the second time but stopped himself. Selfish. To think he nearly saw you two finally walking down the aisle. Why was he always so selfish when it came to you? But those rhetorics mattered not in your head.

You were silenced. You were held.

You were loved.

"No." Zandik breathed in, laughing humorlessly. "No— I am the scholar here. Don't answer."

And you will be disposed of.

"Take them away." He spoke to his men calmly. They had entered long enough to witness what he had done. The men did not hesitate to grab you, thinking Dottore thought you no more than a mere toy.

But calm was deceptive. It does not convey the distress that chokes him.

Maybe…

Maybe in the 9806's trial… he'll have you as he always wanted.

The Fatuus that escorted you in was gentle. A silent guide. The expression on her face was clear that she wanted to extend her apologies as well but mustn't.

You already have a white tulip in hand.

Arlecchino already sended her regards in advance.

When she opened the door by tapping a card against the lock, she bowed her head. You let yourself enter without a fight. The room was pure white with the rest of the furniture matching the drapes. But Dottore didn't just provide the necessities. There were books, sketch pads, and other recreational materials.

As you were about to approach the center, something was off on both sides.

You looked to your left.

Two clear mirrors divided your room from the others. There's a sign on the left wall. Code #4135.

You stood, shocked, grieving at the sight of your predecessor. They were a mirror of you but with a different name— and an even worse state.

One had made a slight sound coming off their skin— rotting slightly. There's a tube connected to their mouth and you could see yourself— you could see them dripping. They had your face. Their hair and eyes were white. The nose was gone, leaving a gaping hole. Their neck was cricked back at an unnatural angle. You don't know if they're still breathing. They're still bleeding. They must've bitten off their tongue.

There's a lone white blanket that covers the rest of them.

You think they might be dead.

You think "you" might've died more than once.

THUD!

You jolted at the sound coming from the wall behind you. Upon seeing their body, you froze.

Code #032.

They were but a head. You wish you could only focus on that aspect, but you looked lower and your hair raised. They cannot feel the same, for they were almost only a spine left. The rest of them were their skeletal frame, guided by thin lines one can barely call flesh.

Their head banged against the mirror. The thought that the sound was what made you flinch earlier made you unwell.

They seem to be telling you something. Their breath fogged up the glass and their thinned white hair splayed across your view. Their mouth said something urgently you couldn't comprehend because their tongue was paper-like in size.

#032 was shaking. Their pain grew vivid in every movement that the room was starting to spin. You sensed their turmoil.

They looked like death.

You all looked like death itself, both the pretty and ugly ends of it.

"Don't." You whispered, begging as you knelt to their level. "You don't have to speak."

You laughed deprecatingly.

"We're not the scholar here. He is."

In every syllable, you saw the outline of their esophagus strain. The nerves were blueish purple. The little skin they have left on their cheeks is sunken. Their lips were gnawed, likely as a response to the pain they'd gone through previously. Fists of bone tapped against the glass, and you quivered, imagining their pain.

You were not afraid of them. You only mourned their anguish. In fact, you feel at ease to be in the presence of yourself from the past.

It reminded you of what "Safed" had allegedly spoken years ago.

Nobody understood the pieces you made and you wished you could conduct the first performance five centuries after your first death.

And now, here you are.

Seeing two "people" who do understand you.

And they share your face.

"Pathetically", the only one that can understand you is yourself.

You're all flies trapped in a web that the predator refuses to wrap and consume out of pity. Compared to the others, you looked fine.

But your lungs were blistering.

Despite their deathly ill and mutilated bodies, you were the one bound to die soon enough.

His experiments worked.

You love him.

You love Zandik.

And how tragic it was that the person who learned how to love him was doomed to perish.

In your last minutes, you recalled something vital:

As an outsider, your body was not meant for this world, but after encountering the woodland creatures and Zandik, it became tremendously difficult to part ways with it.

You coughed up yet again with a gentle smile on your face. Maybe you're not dying…

Maybe you're just returning home, for every atom in your multiple bodies was once part of the galaxy.

You are (Y/n) (L/n).

And you were not from Teyvat.

Much like the rest of the descenders, you have a quirk about you that sets you apart from the norm. For the travelers the world reveres today, it was their distinct determination and questionable age that was remarkable. Yours slightly titters to an inhuman level.

You can "clone" yourself.

Zandik and the "original" you wouldn't phrase it in that manner, but it's the easiest way to describe your talents.

"So, it is cloning." Zandik paused. "Mind letting me in on the science behind the process?"

He was an ordinary student when you both met. Far from a doctor, but at least he was a registered scholar in the Akademiya. Zandik didn't have an eloquent tongue as he does in the present, yet his curiosity burned all the same.

Which is why, back then, you thought his questions were cute.

Not dangerous.

"It's not that I can make copies of myself without consequences," you humored with a grin. "I'm just making… fragments of myself. Segments, if you prefer to call it that. It's a common ability for the people back in my world. None of us do it excessively— especially since we're kind of an invasive species." 

Zandik raised an eyebrow, "is that a commendable trait?"

"My kind says so. Whether good is a subjective or objective assessment or not is up to interpretation." You answered noncommittedly. "I don't think that's right. Our soul splits apart until we're just… empty. We lose some memories in the process."

"But functioning?"

"In a sense, yeah, but we lose a part of ourselves like memories and well, hair color, I guess." You nodded. "Why are you so curious?"

"Since you have rejected my confession, I want to try my hand at seducing a copy of yours instead," Zandik said. You couldn't tell whether he was joking with his naturally piercing red eyes. "Until then, you are not allowed to asexually reproduce without my authorization. Understood?"

You laughed. Unaware of his arsonist crimes, you willingly indulged his words.

"I owe you my ears, so it's only right that I'll listen to your commands, Zandik."

"Good." Zandik grinned, shark-like.

"What a good test subject you are, (Y/n)."

Centuries later, that closing sentence will continue to remain true.

Since then, his life has changed. Multiplied, even. Upon studying your genetic makeup, he found ways to duplicate himself as well. Despite his feats in science, Zandik remained unhappy.

Deep down, all the Harbingers pity the Doctor who cannot save his most loved one. That includes both Columbina and Arlecchino.

No one protests even when harmful orders are given; everything appears fine until the symptoms are felt. Because the organism— the astral descender— has no nerves or voice, he continues to assume that the patient is not in pain.

The patient needs peace but because they are not to speak, they remain silent, and the need persists.

The patient wants to eat and breathe fresh air, but because such desires might hurt the feelings of the doctor who thinks he has done everything needed, the patient remains quiet, contemplating desires out of fear of reprimand.

The original (Y/n) (L/n) suffers in silence. In a white room only accessible by a man who continues to nurse his unrequited love: Zandik.

No one else can enter this room.

He won't allow it. Only he can be obsessed with you.

The thought of you haunts him like a smiling reflection upon window panes— like a gift of a Trojan horse with nothing but your echoing laughter and hospital monitor beeps inside. Your thin limbs were marching clock hands with rusted gears that miraculously function till the end of time.

What is immortality for if every day was a death loop?

It is such a lonely concept…

You ought to be thankful that he's willing to be your eternal company.

"I endeavored to elicit a reciprocation of my sentiments from the latest subject. Regrettably, their discovery of my antecedent experiments transpired prematurely. Nevertheless, as asserted several times, it remains but a temporal inevitability until an iteration of yourself succumbs to having an interest towards me." Dottore hummed.

He held your feet.

He held Test Subject #01's feet.

If you spoke up, he would've bragged about how he was right. How people do love your songs. But no one knows if you can't or won't answer him. This one-sided conversation is the punishment for his hubris.

He took out a sharp knife and cut off one of your toes. You no longer feel any pain as you bleed into his hands. What a kind man the doctor is, for he blocked all your pain receptors years ago. It's a good thing you regenerate quickly.

That's what he loved and hated about you.

You only gave and gave.

But you never ran out of soul. You never ran your heart fully dry— and that left you ill. Zandik could never let you go.

You're already a part of him.

Hence, he must not make clones of exaggerated memories. He wanted your perfect yet healthy replica.

Praise be the white corpuscles extracted from your veins which had brought him new life. You were the reason for his research. You were the breath that gave his segments life. You were his muse, much like he was yours.

"Fear not, (Y/n)," he reassured with a measured tone. "Upon my mastery of the arts, I intend to reinstate your autonomy and awareness. Perhaps then, you shall find the organic inclination to reciprocate affection toward me by the 9806's trial. Until then…"

In other words, give him more time and he'll reinvent love.

He leaned his forehead against yours.

"I'm so, so sorry."

And ultimately, he'll reinvent YOU.

"Can I have another piece of your scalp?"

"No."

"Do you not understand the weight of this research or must I expound on it further in another three-hour presentation?"

"Alternatively, you could start by saying that you're sorry," you raised an eyebrow. "I'm still not over the fact you randomly cut a piece of my ear when I was asleep, doctor. You know, I heard from the aranaras that white tulips are given to someone when they ask for forgiveness."

Zandik smirked.

"Regrettably, it seems that such an occurrence is unlikely to transpire. Do not expect such words and gifts from me."

You smiled.

"We'll see, we'll see."

Taglist (pls notify if you wish to be on the taglist for the last two): @average-yandere-enjoyer @pix-stuff @sagekun @vennnnn-diagram @dilucragnidvr @tnsophiaonly @lsleepysimpl

[burquillos]

diluven misses you and so to do i miss it 😔

Will you accept this drabble I have in my notes:

"Don't you like the bard?"

"Whether I like the bard or not hardly accounts for whether I should pursue him or not."

"Actually, I think liking the bard is all the reason you need to pursue him."

Diluc let's out a tired sigh. He doesn't want to have to explain Venti's kind of secret alter ego to Kaeya of all people. He's exhausted. He wants to go home.

But things have been going well with Kaeya lately and he was happy when they started opening up to each other again on this particular night. Well, up until Kaeya opened up the conversation about his love life. Kaeya had always pestered him about it, even as a kid. Both him and his father, ever the romantics.

Though annoyed, he appreciates the sentiment because he knows it comes from a place of genuine concern. Keaya wants reassurance that he will be fine and that someone will take care of him and love him even when him and his father aren't there. Knowing Kaeya, not wanting him to be alone is deeply valuable. However...

"It's complicated" Diluc scowls.

Kaeya leans on his forearm on the counter. He looks at Diluc, unamused.

"You like him. You obviously want to be with him. And from the looks of it he likes you back. What's so complicated about that?"

Diluc doesn't respond but he can feel a slight tingling on his fingertips and his cheeks as he stands there tense and frozen.

Kaeya closes his eyes in contemplation, "Ah..I see."

"What?"

"Master Ragnvindr of the Dawn Winery must not be seen engaging in romantic affairs with a mere commoner. How tragic-"

"No."

It was out before he knew it. Said too fast and too defensively to be considered casual. Like letting a part of himself accidentally slip from his tight grasp.

Kaeya couldn't have been more wrong. Venti is far from a mere commoner. His identity as Barbatos is... holy and powerful. The kind of being who can move mountains, literally and figuratively. His whole life he tried to be worthy of only two people and that included his late father and Barbatos.

But even that pales in comparison to Venti himself; kind and compassionate, cunning when he needs to be, he brings joy and laughter to the people of Mondsatdt with his songs. He listens to his people and guides them into action, never hesitating to reach out to others, even a person like him who has built walls around himself.

Venti has a way of seeing through him but has never once used it against him. He keeps the hidden, little pieces of Diluc tucked away and keeps it safe.

He wants to believe that there is something special about that. That that kind of treatment is something Venti gives to him and him alone.

But he knows Venti's love is grand and extends far and wide over Mondsatdt and its citizens. He knows he's nothing more but a speck among countless others that recieve that kind of godly love from him.

As a protector of Mondsatdt, he cannot afford to be selfish with Venti's love, not when Mondstadt needs it more than him. He is quite well off in terms of status and wealth after all. Honestly, Diluc is quite content to love from afar.

In the end, all he could mutter was a soft "He's too good for me..."

Kaeya barks out a laugh, slamming his hand on the table and leaning back. "VENTI!?" he wipes a tear from his eye "You're saying this about Venti?! The drunkard?? The guy who regularly schemes his way for some apples and booze??"

"You know what I mean."

"No. I don't"

"Well I'm not tired enough to have this conversation."

"Fair enough."

Kaeya leaves a few coins on the counter then stands up to leave. Before he could exit the door, he turns back to Diluc. "For the record, he said the same thing about you being too good for him." Finally, he leaves.

Diluc is left staring at the door. He can't quite believe that statement. He's not looking down on himself or anything, he knows he's quite sought after, he even uses that as an advantage when negotiating sometimes.

It's just that, compared to Venti who shines brightly and whose smile literally lights up the room, he feels like such a downer in comparison.

Once upon a time in his life, he might've had the same smile too, but he's changed since then. He's not the golden child with a loving family running around Mondstadt fulfilling his dreams anymore. His fire has long ceased to be kind and burns with rage and vindication instead. He feels as if he can't have that smile back. That if Venti stands next to him and gives him a little grin he can't smile back with the warmth and kindness he deserves. That all Venti would see is a broken man.

He feels too bare with Venti and that is something he cherishes deeply and also something he dreads.

[two-white-butterflies]

coaxed you into paradise - c. 34

Description: The life of Saera Targaryen told in four acts. She was her father's forgotten daughter, cast aside as she looked nothing like her mother. Her younger days were spent beside her uncle. Years following her marriage with Ser Harwin Strong, she catches him in an affair with her older sister. She returns to seek solace in the arms of Daemon, whose loved her all her life.

masterlist for this series

My sister and I have always been polar opposites. She was a demure and obedient girl. She always listened to her Septa. She seldom missed her lessons, muña always complimented her obedience and interest in all things that ladies must do. They see her as a paragon of chasteness and virtue, she made it easy to love her.

She looks up at me with those round pleading eyes, and I bend.

Are you allowed to have tarts?" I inquired and she shakes her head. "I have a cough and muña says that I'm only allowed to eat fruits." she responded eloquently, not stuttering in spite of her young age.

I was proud of my sister.

"Nyra," she says my name. "- can you tell me a bedtime story?" she pleaded, grabbing the hems of my gown. I respond with a light chuckle, before settling down on the bed beside her.

When I was your age, Uncle Daemon told me stories too. Of valiant knights and fair maidens, of forest animals and dragons." I cooed, smiling at the thought of Daemon. How long has it been since we've last seen each other? Far too long.

I longed for him - truly.

"Uncle Daemon?" she tilted her head, the name sounding foreign on her tongue. My eyes widen slightly, was she unaware of our uncle's existence? "Our father's brother. He left a year ago to join his wife in the Riverlands." I explained, lifting the blanket to cover half her body.

"- now shall we head off to our story?" I inquired and she hummed. Her eyelids already fluttering as she prepares for her slumber.

"Once upon a time, there was a dragon and a scorpion, they both needed to cross the narrow sea. The scorpion sits atop the dragon, and asks: dragon, may I ride your saddle? I need to cross the narrow sea. But then the dragon breathes her fire and says: No scorpion, you may not for you are a scorpion and your nature is to sting." I tried my best to remember part of the short story.

"The scorpion shakes his head and says: Silly dragon, why would I bite you? I need to cross the narrow sea too, and if I bite you, we will both fall into the ocean. For the first time, the dragon does not follow rational thought, she allows the scorpion to ride her saddle. And when they were about to land in Dragonstone, the scorpion stings the dragon. She says: I trusted you scorpion? Why betray me?"

"- and the scorpion laughs: I am a scorpion and my nature is to sting. You cannot change an animal's nature." I finished, and by then she was burrowed into her sheets.

Only mere minutes away from dreaming. "Did Uncle Daemon tell you this story?" she asked me and I shook my head. "Our kepa shared this story to me before you were born. He said that he dreamt about it." I smiled, remembering the days where there was only three of us.

Muna. Kepa and Me.

"That is why, you must bask in the company of those who can fly beside you. Not those that shall sting you." I warned her, flicking a piece of her hair away from her face. "Goodnight, sister." I whispered - pressing a kiss to her forehead. "I love you, Rhaenyra." she replied.

I smile again. My mother favored her the most. My father only yearned for a son, but I am happy to know that she chooses me, and all circumstances were fine.

It was seven years later when my uncle returned to the Red Keep. I still remember the day that I saw him again. I was standing beside my sister - who was wearing a yellow gown that caused the other ladies at court to make fun of her. She looked like a banana, they said and she came to me running with tears in her eyes.

"Rhaenyra," he calls out to me.

"Daemon." I freeze for a second, only brought to reality by my sister's grip on my forearm. "I apologize, uncle this is..." I introduced them to each other, not taking my eyes off Daemon.

The years have done nothing to his face, he was still as dashing and daring as before. I can still see the same shade of purple in his Valyrian eyes, that same petulance on his lips that I bore too.

I should've known the moment that I introduced them to each other. Daemon always had a certain liking to the gentle ones, and with my sister's Valyrian blood it didn't take a while for him to fall in love.

Instead of spending the entire summer playing chess with my uncle, or walking in the gardens with my sister. They both spent their time in each other's company, no doubt already making jokes that only they could relate to - no doubt riding dragons without me.

And so, I felt alone again.

At the beginning both Saera and Daemon favored me the most, but now they favored each other. Worst of all, I found myself hating her.

I found myself hating the girl that I raised.

"There are rumors about your sister and Prince Daemon." Alicent opened the conversation, she continued braiding my hair. "Pray tell." I paused, intrigued about my best-friend's gossip. "They were together, like lovers, I heard my father talking to Uncle Lancel." she informed and it was like my heart stopped beating.

How was it that he chose her? Everyone at court spoke about my beauty, even called me the Realm's Delight, but Daemon could not see that - he'd rather choose a maiden with silver-gold hair and dull purple eyes to warm his cold nights.

What did she have that I did not?

"Will they be wed, princess?" Alicent inquired.

"I-I don't know." I stuttered, finding myself speechless.

The next time I saw my sister, it was after our mother's pyre. She was standing next to the Weirwood Tree with tears in her eyes. She lost the parent that loved her the most. Now she knows what it feels. "I wonder if in that moment father was happy, because he had the son that he desired." I breathed and she wipes the tears from her eyes.

"Rhaenyra, kepa loves us as much as he'd love his sons." Saera comforted, wanting to take the optimistic route instead of facing the inevitable reality. We both knew that she was bluffing, and if deep inside she did believe her words then time would be a stark reminder.

"We will never be sons, sons are better than daughters." I corrected. "- kepa will have another wife, he'll have more sons and we'll be sent away." I mourned, shaking my head. Our mother had just died, and everyone at court couldn't stop talking about the next Queen.

"His sons will be his pride, and we shall be his joy. A man's pride overweights anything else." I added while gathering my gowns to stand up. Mayhaps, this is the perfect time to offer her some advice.

"Take this as a warning, sister. Stay away from our kepus, if you wish to avoid rumors of your spoiled maidenhead. Maybe then you'll be provided a good match." I warned, before standing up and sitting beside Alicent.

Instead of being punished, my sister was given leeway. She was betrothed to Ser Harwin Strong, who was handsome, and dashing. He always treated me with respect and I must admit, I was jealous of her. Our father was not punishing her, he was rewarding her with this match.

"Your sister is gracious." Harwin muttered, handing me goblet of wine as the festivities ensue. All I could think about was Daemon - how he ended a war just to be here, he was too late. Now he must watch his beloved in the arms of another.

I found myself smiling at him.

Seeing nothing but kindness behind his brown eyes.

"- she was ever vigilant in planning our wedding." he added.

And that conversation was the start of many more conversations. Until one night, my tenderness broke and I allowed sin to enter.

I found myself slowly liking this man. His deep voice, his velvety tone. Everything about him was made to my liking. He was pure and true. He made me forget about Daemon. He made me forget about Saera.

"How is the babe?" he asked, reaching down to press his palms on my swollen belly. A smile paints my lips. "The babe is well," I replied placing both of my hands on my tummy. Fatherhood suited him.

The mere thought of his seed inside my belly made me swell with joy. We were made for each other. "- and his mother?" he inquired, meeting my eyes that were filled with adoration. "She is well, now that you are here." I smile deeper, pressing a kiss on his lips.

There were nights where we spent talking about love, before we were together. The first name that spilled out of my tongue was of Daemon, that I fancied him as a child, but he never reciprocated those feelings. My hands snake towards his chest, wrapping him in a warm embrace.

With Harwin and Laenor and her sons, there was nothing she couldn't do. She could move mountains and drain rivers. All because of them, my boys, the very reason for my existence.

When the news of Harwin's death came to me, the entire world collapsed. The love of my life was swallowed my fire. "Mother," Jacaerys finds his place beside me, grabbing my forearm and I collapsed on the floor. "It cannot be," I cried feeling the air run out of my lungs.

He was my joy. The sun of my life.

"He was burned, my lady." her handmaiden announced, keeping her eyes on the floor, in respect of her lady's grief. "Burned my whom?" I sharply questioned. I would kill for him, one day.

But for now, I needed to live for him.

"There are rumors, my princess, but none of them have been proven true." my handmaiden replied, lips pursed into a thin line. The tears wouldn't stop flowing out of my eyes. "Cunts," I mumbled.

How would I take on the world without my sun? Without the man that made everything possible.

I became cruel after that. I hid in Dragonstone. I refused to leave.

When Saera's son, Daegon, came with the news of Lucerys' death. I knew that I had to have my revenge. I called for mercenaries to murder Prince Aelor, because I wanted Aemond to know what it felt like to lose a son. I wanted their family to break. I wanted them to die.

I see the moon from my bed.

The moon has always been related to the tides, and the tides reminded me of Alyssa and Saera.

The tears pool in my eyes.

"Is someone there?" I raised my voice, seeing someone's shadow sitting on my chair. I reached for the dagger under my pillow, and I rose from the sheets, aiming the dagger at the figure. "Reveal yourself," I commanded - not in fear.

I freeze seeing my little sister.

Silver-gold hair, a perfect nose and light-purple eyes. She looked younger, like how she was before we fell out. "What did you do?" she cried, holding a bundle of cloth, I could hardly make out the visage of the babe in her arms.

And when I did recognize it, my heart sank to my chest.

It was Aelor. He was wet - covered in water. I could smell the scent of salt and sand. "He was kind, never jealous, never angry." she rambled, eyes meeting mine.

"You took him, and I'll never forgive you."

next chapter>>

@gigglytato @daemonskelitsos @delaynew @neenieweenie @rostherightfulheir

[qlventingspace]

I'd like to drop some of my thoughts about The Heart Killers here.

You know I'm kinky ace, my love of Pete in the VegasPete days was quite evident as well as my belated realization that I forgot I've always been kinky on some level.

I get that show like Heart Killers is not everyone's cuppa and it's totally fine to be sad about not being able to watch show with your favourite actors for whatever reason.

But.

But this is a show made by a queer man about fantasy queer men.

If you start hating on it (based just on what was shown to us in a trailer) just because you can't watch it and/or it's too sexual or kinky for you ... that's not a problem of the show.

That's a you problem. If you don't like, do not watch and for fucks sake do not start with moralizing.

I'm more than happy to be surprised and I'm on the edge of my seat looking towards what the show is gonna be like bc they didn't give us any concrete hints.

FUCK YES.

I also think that First and Khaotung are literally powerhouses regarding acting and I can't wait to see them in completely new roles we haven't seen them before.

It's surprising, yes, considering how fluffy and cute and comfy vibes they're excluding in their own personal lives but what do we know?! Maybe they wanted to try smth new or maybe they are multifaceted people who like the roles for personal reasons?

Not my place to speculate.

But to see people insisting on them being pushed to filming scenes like that against their will or feeling like they are 'too pure' for kink or sex scenes - that is outright disrespecting their integrity and free will and truly viewing them as only a dolls fans can play with and dictate what they can and cannot appear in.

They are talented, mindful and picky actors, who have enough of will and freedom to choose whatever roles they wanna explore.

P'Jojo is adamant about actors being okay and comfortable filming scenes like that and it was also mentioned that the final nc scenes are always first approved by the actors who star in them (as mentioned in the OF bts).

So knowing all that, insisting on FK being somehow unwilling participants of that, is reeking of homophobia and fan entitlement to actors choices. Stop that.

I went on a tangent a bit.

What I wanted to share as well though is the joy and anticipation!!

I struggle with series that literally rely just on sex scenes, while the plot, cinematography and editing is shite. In those cases sex scenes (though filmed well) are not enough to keep me interested.

In case of Heart Killers I am only excited. I know Jojo's work, so that's in itself is guarantee of quality as well as authentic queer experience (or fantasy in this case).

The soundtrack again will be a blast bc of Jojo's excellent taste and ofc Khaotung singing the smashing ost.

As for the genre I still have no fucking clue what's that supposed to be but I'm swinging wildly from action to romance to crime to comedy to thriller.

(side note: why are people now complaining about it being "soft/lith porn" is beyond me when similar people were excited about porn in different series ??? explain?

sideside note: also manymany straight media is basically porn hiding under fantasy or romance genre but I don't see people accentuating those being porn when talking about them

sidesideside note: also reducing the series that HAVEN'T EVEN COME OUT YET to mere porn is outright disrespectful to creators as well as actors)

The plot (excluding any possible spoilers since I avoid them like a fucking plague) seems engaging and interesting and full of twists and it will probably be not what we imagine or expect but that's exactly what I ehehe EXPECT of it.

As for the sex and kink.

Why should it be smth bad or morally wrong just because it's a bl? Just because it's a gay sex and kink?

I swing wildly between finding sex scenes boring, fascinating, completely no shut it off and being horny cause it's hot.

It's just how I am.

THK has the advantage that it has FK to keep my hyperfixation happy and considering the filming crew, the aesthetics and general vibe of the nc scenes will be bloody fucking beautiful.

I was fully hooked from the trailer and I can say that the combo of FK talent, sub/dom vibes, bondage and probably whole layer of christian guilt (saw you Jesus on a shirt, I'm so sorry) will be my downfall.

[ultrone]

𝐕𝐀𝐌𝐏𝐈𝐑𝐄 𝐀𝐌𝐁𝐄𝐑 𝐅𝐑𝐄𝐄𝐌𝐀𝐍 : 𝖿𝗅𝗎𝖿𝖿𝗒 𝗀𝗂𝗋𝗅𝖿𝗋𝗂𝖾𝗇𝖽 𝖾𝖽𝗂𝗍𝗂𝗈𝗇

cw. mentions of blood, violence, and sex.

n/a. y'all can NOT convince me that she doesn't look like a cute little vampire 😔🙌🏻 i’m obsessed

༒ ⚰️༺ amber has been alive for centuries, ruthlessly killing hundreds of people left and right, both for sustenance and for her own twisted amusement. however, all of that came to an end when she crossed paths with you — the latter, at least.

༒ ⚰️༺ initially, it was merely a whim that led her to crave your blood, as it was one of the most delectable scents she had ever encountered. however, despite her strong desire to taste it, something held her back, and before she realized it, she had fallen deeply in love with you.

༒ ⚰️༺ and she's grateful that she didn't give in to her instincts and gut you out when she first laid eyes on you, because she couldn't be happier or more at peace than she is now. this is the happiest she has been in centuries.

༒ ⚰️༺ she def loves leaving hickeys on your neck, biting you softly as she does it. however, she is always cautious not to bite too hard, despite secretly wanting to do so.

༒ ⚰️༺ speaking of which… she has a tendency of nibbling on you, especially when you're kissing, but she'll even do it unexpectedly. it's a habit she has formed because it gives her comfort, and you must admit, you find it quite endearing.

༒ ⚰️༺ her super strength allows her to easily manhandle you, which you find very attractive as she makes it seem effortless, picking you up as if you were as light as a feather.

༒ ⚰️༺ you feel incredibly safe with amber, not only because of her enhanced abilities, but also because you know that she would do anything to protect you, even if it meant killing someone.

༒ ⚰️༺ and being a vampire definitely doesn't help her sadistic tendencies, cuz whenever someone flirts with you, they mysteriously disappear, never to be seen again.

"babe, what did i tell you?" you ask her sternly.

"to stop eating people just because i’m jealous, i know," amber responds, rolling her eyes and slipping over her words like a spoiled little girl who had just been reprimanded.

at first, she seems dismissive of your concern, but then she turns on the puppy eyes and tries to explain herself. "but she was staring too hard at you, and i just had to do it," she says, attempting to justify her actions.

you can't help but laugh at her attempt to wriggle out of trouble. "okay, fine. just don't make a habit of it," you say, pulling her close for a forehead kiss.

༒ ⚰️༺ history class is always so fun with her, she keeps muttering stuff like “that's not how it happened bffr 🙄”

༒ ⚰️༺ amber doesn’t need sleep, not at all. but she still lays down with you every night, holding you close as she caresses you gently.

༒ ⚰️༺ she loves to rest her head on your chest and listen to the sound of your heart beating. it soothes her and puts her in a meditative state, providing her with a sense of comfort that she cannot find elsewhere. the sound of your heartbeat is the closest thing she has to the tranquility that sleep can bring.

༒ ⚰️༺ but at times, the sound of your heartbeat makes her feel melancholic because it reminds her of her mortality. she knows that she won't be able to spend her entire life with you because she will outlive you, and the thought of losing you saddens her.

༒ ⚰️༺ similarly, you also have your concerns when it comes to amber. as a vampire, she is always at risk of being discovered, and the thought of something happening to her fills you with dread. these worries make you feel overprotective of her, always keeping a watchful eye on her and doing everything in your power to keep her safe. you know that amber is strong and capable, but you can't help but feel a sense of responsibility to protect her from any harm that may come her way.

as you squeezed out a generous amount of sunscreen onto your palm, amber looked at you with amusement. "babe, i don't need sunscreen. it's not like in the movies, you can relax," she said, trying to reassure you.

"i know, but just in case," you replied with a stubborn expression, continuing to rub the sunscreen on her cheeks.

amber shook her head, a small smile playing on her lips as she watched you apply the sunscreen. she leaned in and placed a gentle kiss on your cheek, causing you to momentarily forget about the sunscreen. "you're so cute when you're being overprotective," she said as she chuckled softly and shook her head.

༒ ⚰️༺ having trouble opening a can? no worries, just hand it over to amber and watch as she effortlessly uses her fangs to pop it open like a vampire version of a can opener.

༒ ⚰️༺ "no, y/n, i’m not turning into a bat to help you cheat on your exam."

༒ ⚰️༺ period sex 🫣 i had to say it I HAD TO I’M SORRY

༒ ⚰️༺ she can often be found cutely nuzzling her nose against your neck, taking in the sweet scent of your blood with every sniff.

༒ ⚰️༺ you once gave amber permission to try your blood, but she refused, afraid that she might become addicted to the sweet taste and find it difficult to resist in the future.

[wordy-little-witch]

Transfemme Buggy who never realized until a certain disease is transmitted and spread on an island she and her crew visits.

Blackboard and his ilk had been there before, and Buggy had just so happened to show up within a week of the other leaving. Damages were minimal overall but the marks of their presence was there, everywhere, in the pale faces, the new graves, the sickness and fear.

It was a typical stop, supplies and information gathered in equal measure. Tasks delegated, Buggy is among a group chatting up the locals, and that layer of ignorance self consciousness is there, as it always is, when eyes catch on the captain's visage, but way that Buggy is being watched changes between one minute and the next. Someone comes into the shop, a young woman at a glance, who sneezes. Buggy doesn't think much on it, a charming smile and offered handkerchief the only response. The gazes go from wary, warming up to them, to suddenly wild and fearful and there's a shout and-

Buggy chokes on air, feeling the moment something latches in his lungs. His Devil Fruit is useful in ways few can fathom, in ways he cannot explain, but the introduction of something Foreign and Unapproved is a feeling the jester knows well, one which is often a mere reflex to Chop off of his cells, but this one adheres, latches, and Buggy can feel it seep and spread and-

Between one moment and the next, Buggy blinks past the sudden vertigo, genome shuffled and reverted and inverted until the swimming in his vision pauses, Cabaji's wide, panicked face swirling into focus. The blue haired pirate squints, confused tilts a dizzy head, and then freezes at the ambient wave over sensitive Haki, terror and guilt and panic which chokes and screams and wails.

Buggy moves to stand and freezes.

He looks down.

That is... definitely new.

A gloved hand touches his chest, the breasts straining under the striped top. "Huh," the clown captain says after a moment. "I did not have 'Sudden Sex Change' on my 1565 bingo card."

There's laughter, and Buggy preens a little as the negative emotions begin bleeding off, replaced by cautious amusement. Once tempers have calmed enough, there's a moment of questioning, where clarity is sought and then relatively received.

It's a change, certainly, and one which is yet another echo of Teach's group having been on that island. Buggy isn't upset - it isn't their fault after all, the town is just as hit by this as he is - but he is.... contemplative about it.

The crew is overall relatively calm about it. Gender equality is something Buggy does enforces heavily on the crew, assigned sex at birth or otherwise. Barring a few others, some more well renowned than most, the Buggy Pirates are the most progressive and open minded of pirates.

So after a quick explanation, things are back to business as usual - and Buggy is happy about it, obviously, the respect is there and it's perfect, the normalcy is fine.

It's the way he feels that throws a wrench in it all.

It takes a while to realize, because it's There, but it's just beneath the surface.

It starts when Buggy puts on a little weight.

All in all, that's not a big deal - but to Buggy who has a long standing problem with food and eating, it's notable. It's not uncomfortable. It's not like there's an Issue with eating or bodily image issues, it's the lack of time, of desire, of enjoyment in it. Buggy had always been on the slimmer side, never packing on muscle the way of the men and women in his life early on. Buggy was built slim and willowy, no less strong but less visibly jacked. It suited him just fine, that method of muscle, suited to aerials, to agility and speed. It fit and Buggy was adaptable.

Only now, Buggy isn't as preoccupied. There's less of a desperate, cloying need to fill his every waking moment with tasks and duties and activities. It's subtle. It's the slightest of shifts. It starts when he gains a little weight.

Then it becomes casual comments from the crew. "You look so healthy," some say warmly. "You look happy." And Buggy is. Buggy IS happy. And Buggy feels healthy. And it's strange, so strange, and it's wonderful and confusing and amazing, and it all comes to a head as things do with Buggy by sheer happenstance.

They dock at an island. Buggy and Alvida are restocking on makeup. A clerk calls them "ladies". Buggy waves it off, both the butterflies and the referral, and then that same clerk responds to a question the captain asked with a warm "yes, ma'am, absolutely"

And Buggy is having a realization in a small cosmetic shop on a tiny no-name island in the New World.

As they leave, she catches Alvida's sleeve and he - she - asks a question. "Could I... be a woman?"

And Alvida, sweet Alvida, blunt and brutally honest Alvida, snorts. "Fuck if I know. If you want to, sure, but your body doesn't determine that. If you're a woman," she pokes her friend in the chest, above the clown's heart, "then this is all that needs to be a woman. Is it?"

And Buggy breathes shakily. "I... yes. Yes? Yeah. I. I think so."

"Then you're a woman. Now come on, sister, we still need to find a foundation for me."

Buggy comes out to the crew casually though not without nerves. They get back and she just drops it with all the finesse of a bull in a China shop. "Surprise, it's a girl! And by it, I mean me."

The only response for a moment is silence, then someone asks about pronouns. And Buggy is bathed in the cacophony of her crew screeching their happiness for her, thanking her for trusting them, singing her praises, and she's a puddle, truly, she is melting into a pirate puddle.

Accepting it makes things fall into place a little easier. She's comfortable in this body in a way she never was before. The center of gravity fell in a more natural way to her senses, lower and steadier. She isn't any less strong, and she's not at all interested in the stick-thin-sensational body type, though more power to people who rock it. She is herself, and she never expected to be all that different. She's still got the musculature of an aerialist, the corded muscle of a knife fighter, no amount of hormone changes will take away that. She distributes the weight differently like this, filling her clothes in a way that looks and feels better to her. It's like she was assembling a puzzle in her heart, blindfolded, and she never knew a piece was missing until it fell into her hand, knocking the rest into place like a domino effect. Unexpected but undeniable, she was happy.

She felt beautiful in a way that she never had before, she felt more confident, more at home, more at ease in this skin of hers now that it finally was molded into a better form.

And with that contentment came freedom that she hadn't had the time for in what felt like eternity.

Freedom to experiment, to train, to explore. She felt better, so she could be better, could do better, and so she became better.

And the Seas quaked as a result.

[alwaysaglader]

With you, even when I lose, I am winning (Charles Leclerc X Reader)

Y/N's P.O.V

An unexpected line of events happened on this lazy Sunday afternoon when my best friend, Charles, showed up at my door with his luggage in one hand and a bouquet of flowers on his other hand.

Taken by surprise and excitement at his early arrival only a few hours after the GP ended, I couldn't help but have a huge smile plastered onto my face as I leaped into his arms, making him chuckle and spin me around in his own excitement.

Still confused as to what he was doing here so early, I couldn't resist feeling my smile grow more as he explained that he booked an immediate flight right after the GP to come stay with me every minute he could during this 2 weeks break before the next GP.

Who knew that what started as a dull Sunday afternoon was to be twisted to an amazing evening now that Charles was here, already unpacking his luggage for the next 2 weeks!!

Charles being home for the break always insists on making me home cooked meals as much as he can, regardless of my complaints being that this week being his time to rest. All cause he knows all too well how much I dislike cooking hence my tendency to always order take out and never having a home cooked meal.

So Charles though he'd surprise me with a new recipe Carlos had taught him, which started off well by the looks of it, but ended up with smoke puffing out of my oven and a very roasted of something that I am not sure what cooling down on my counter top.

Right now, we were laughing on the kitchen floor, eating the ice cream Charles picked up on the way from the airport instead of Carlos's special recipe.

Eating between bouts of laughter had Charles struggling to get the spoon straight into either of our mouths, which resulted with both of us with ice cream all over our faces.

Next thing I know Charles had his phone pointed at me a chuckle escaping his lips and I heard the click sound before I could even react to his fast reflexes. "Ma belle, you look so adorable. Like a Cookie Monster".

"Charles I look gross" I whined in a failed attempt to grab the phone from his grip. "Look at me. I am sleep deprived and exhausted".

"I've even got raccoon eyes" I moved closer and widened my eyes at him which only made him let out a chuckle before leaning in closer and brushing his fingers along my cheeks.

"And you're still more beautiful than any sunrise I've ever seen" he whispered ever so softly.

"And I've seen sunrises all around the world ma cherie so you cannot argue with me" he said with a cheeky grin and rubbed my back while he continued to hold me close. I hummed and smiled, loving this moment. 

"So mon armor" he started softly after a moment of comfortable silence, but I could feel a hint of caution in his voice this time like he was trying to tread lightly on something. "Tell me what's been going on with you lately?".

His question caught me off guard as I raised my head from looking at the ice cream tub to capture his concerned eyes looking into mine, before looking back down quickly when I felt my heart hurt at his look of worry towards me.

"Ma bella what's going on in that beautiful mind?" he asked again, this time tilting my head back up gently with his two fingers under my chin.

"Nothing. I'm fine" I said quickly, looking back down and aimlessly stirring the melted ice cream in the tub.

"Y/N" I heard Charles say, before feeling the warmth of his big, tender hands being placed on mine. "Mon armor, you're lying. When you're upset don't lie to me when you can talk about it".

"No matter what it is, even if it's about me. I am here for you" he continued in a soft tone, gently rubbing circles on my skin with the tip of his thumbs, "and my goal is to make you happy and keep you there. Even if someone else gets you down it is my job to bring you back up".

Before I knew it tears started to stream down my face from the mere moment I looked up at him and met with his concerned eyes and gentle smile making me vulnerable in his presence. 

Hurriedly covering my face with my hands I tried to looked away, but the moment I felt the tears rolling down my face I felt Charles big hands being placed over mine removing them from my puffed up face.

"Y/N, no, don't you dare hide your tears from me" he said, peppering a few kisses over the trail of tears while his hands wiped away the tears dripping down my chin. "When you are crying you are beautiful too".

After a few moments of being in a bubble of silence, I felt Charles shuffle to wrap his arms around me and gently engulfing me in his warm embrace. "Y/N, what's going on?".

A silence fell on us again, when I was at a loss of words of how I could even begin to explain the chaos in my head lately without sounding crazy.

Charles sensed my struggle to express myself, something he's always known about me, and never forced me to. Instead he pressed a soothing kiss on my forehead, and continued to stroke my hair gently, calming my heat beat to the beat of his own.

After a few moments of being intertwined, his soft breathing almost lulling my chaotic head to sleep, did I felt his chest rumble as he hummed against my hair leaving a few kisses here and there.

"Y/N, are you ready to tell me what's going on in that beautiful mind, mon armour?" He asked softly, voice still laced with the same concern.

I let out a small sniffle to his shoulder before managing to put a sentence together. "It's my final year of med school Charles".

"I'm struggling to handle it" I felt my own voice sounded airy as I desperately tried to fight back my tears again. "It has been an overload of work since Year 5 started. Piles of assignments, presentations.. and my final exam is coming up in 2 weeks and 3 days and I am falling behind on studying... and I feel like I am on the verge of breaking down any day".

I felt Charles's arms tighten around me and pull me closer to him than possible. "Mon armour why have you been keeping this to yourself?" he asked gently, placing a few kisses to my shoulder to calm me down, "why didn't you tell me?".

"We tell each other everything" he said, sounding hurt, as I pulled my face away from being buried in the crook of his neck to look at his piercing blue eyes staring deeply into mine.

"I just felt like I am too much to handle Charles. Even for myself" I said truthfully, my own heart breaking at my own words. "I couldn't begin to imagine what a burden I must be on you"

"No no no mon armour. Don't you dare say that" he said, immediately smothering me with kisses and wiping my dripping tears again, "you are never too much for me Y/N. You are just enough".

The more I stared into his eyes as he dried my cheeks, the closer I grew to him.

"You know I am in awe of you right?" he murmured, while caressing my head gently with the palm of my hand. The caressing continued slowly.

"You are able to handle anything Y/N. You always have. You still do. You always will", he said with the gentlest movements, and pressed a kiss on my nose as soon as our eyes met. "It's just that you don't have to do it alone anymore. We take care of each other remember?".

"Honestly I feel happy when you share every small thing with me" he chuckled lightly, making me let out a chuckle too. "Me too Charles".

"That's better" he grinned, running his thumb along my lips, "I will fight anything that threatens to take that smile away from you".

"Even if it's a big pile of books". A giggle escaped my lips, as I buried my head in the crook of his neck again, unable to control the butterflies in my stomach with the level of Charles's cuteness.

A few seconds wrapped in his warm embrace made a small yawn leave my lips as I felt my eyes feel heavy. Charles must have felt me grow boneless in his arms cause I felt his embrace tighten, holding me closer to his chest for dear life.

"Let's get you to bed mon armour". His soft breath hit my ear tickling me a little, making me giggle and pull away to look at him, a gentle smile already settled on his lips.

"Tonight you need to sleep well. Tomorrow morning we will start studying ok?" he said, gently rocking us from side to side, like it was the most natural thing to do.

"We?" I tilted my head in confusion, to which he nodded at me with a toothy grin. "We".

"It is you and me against the world remember?" he smiled knowingly, his fingers interwinding with mine, before he bought them to his lips and placed a soft kiss on our locked digits.

I couldn't help but feel a smile spread across my face at hearing that promise. A promise we made to each other when we became friends years ago.

When Charles got in to F1 and I got into medical school - when we felt like we had the whole world to face - we made a promise to face the world together as one. Against anything the world throws at us.

5 years later, and never a day has gone by when we haven't kept that promise, even when it seemed like the darkest of days, we always found a way to be each other's light, if not we would sit in the dark together.

"You and me" I placed a kiss on his cheek tinting them red and I couldn't help but smile myself as I lost myself in his beautiful smile and twinkling eyes gazing at me, sparkling brightly.

--

Next morning, I woke up to the smell of pancakes travelling all around my room. Tracing the source of the scent to my kitchen I walked in on Charles in a red T-shirt and black shorts, and a bandana already on his head, scribbling on a stack of papers in his own world.

"Morning mon armour" I couldn't help but giggle at how cute he looked, as I entered the kitchen startling him out of his focused mood with my sudden entrance. "You are up early".

"Ma cherie. You scared me" he said with a hand over his chest, already standing and walking over to me with open arms, engulfing me in his warm embrace. "Good morning".

"You were fast asleep and I didn't have the heart to wake you" he said, his arm still holding me close to his chest while the other tucked a loose piece of hair behind my ear, "so I ran to the store and got your favourite maple syrup and made your favourite pancakes".

"So you can start your day with a smile" he sent a cheeky wink my way. I felt the heat rise to my cheeks as I tore my gaze away from his to hide my blushing face and my biting my bottom lip to keep myself from smiling too wide.

"You spoil me too much you know" I shoved his arm playfully, pulling away from the embrace, to control these feelings erupting in me looking into his eyes. It was a failed effort cause he caught my arm and only pulled me closer. "Ma bella, you deserve every bit of it".

My heart missed a few pulses from his words as I could feel his big, tender hands creep up on the sides of my face, his fingers brushing my cheeks with gentle strokes, tingles beginning to spread through my body.

"Sooo what is going on here?" I asked, knocking myself out of this trance, and averting my eyes to the mess on my counter top, which I started to notice was stacked with my notes, textbooks and a bundle of coloured pens and highlighters.

"I know you highlight all definite exam points in your notes with orange so I started making flash cards on them to quiz you" he said with the proudest smile on his face, holding up the colourful flash cards he seem to have spent the whole morning making.

"I also went and got you the medical supplies on the list you had written so you can practice" he said with a smile, pulling out the list from his pocket, that I wrote and pinned to the fridge weeks ago. "And I am all yours to practice your examinations and procedures on".

"Charles" I gasped, cupping my hands over my mouth, unable to grasp the shock of all his actions and words. All the effort he's gone through. I couldn't even begin to embrace it.

"You did all this for me...I don't know how to... I have no words..." I babbled, my mind unable to comprehend his kind thoughts to help me, and little did I know this was just the least of how he was going to stick with me through this.

The next couple of days, Charles never left my side, he ran to the pharmacy to get me medical supplies I needed to practice with, every time I ran out or even forgot what I needed at times. He spent endless mornings and nights making me flash cards, and even reading my piles of notes and bulky textbooks with me for hours just so I won't get bored or frustrated with the pile of work. And he even spent hours listening to me explain to him what I studied cause he knows that helps me remember more.

No matter how many times I convinced him to go sleep and rest himself, never did he.

No matter how badly his eyes were on the verge of closing or how many yawns he tried to hide from me. "I wanna stay up with you" he mumbled groggily, "I don't want you to be alone".

With my face pressed against his, I noticed him talking with his eyes being closed in tiredness on one occasion last night. Smiling at him nuzzling himself onto me half asleep, growing boneless, I gently rolled us over so he could lay his head on my chest.

"Mon armour I am never alone when I am with you" I whispered softly, pressing a kiss on his forehead before picking up my book continuing to read laying down on the couch now with Charles laying on top of me with his arms lazily wrapped around but keeping me warm.

"I will always be here if you need me" I heard him murmur sleepily, nuzzling his head under my chin, "no matter how far in distance or time. I don't care if we are on different continents or if its five, fifty years in the future. You will always have me".

My heart missed a few beats at his words before he fell fast asleep.

This morning, I was sitting on my couch, my head buried in my thousand paged book while Charles was on the sitting on the floor at the coffee table in front of me writing more flash cards.

He was wearing his blue sweater with the black "Ferrari" print on the front along with his black shorts paired up with the bandana and a pair of glasses. His nose was scrunched up and lips pursed together tightly in sheer focus. His head would start bobbing along to a tune he would start humming at times, with a smile in my direction when I couldn't help but smile myself on hearing his soothing voice, but little did he know, it was just more than his gentle voice echoing in my ears that had me smiling about him.

Ever since I met Charles, my thoughts cannot move an inch without bumping into some piece of him.

And I cannot stop myself from constantly falling into him.

Charles is the one who waits back to tie my shoe for me. The one who shifts closer to me when I subconsciously move away while walking next to him cause I can never seem to walk in a straight line. The one who smiles widely as soon as I look at him. The one who seeks me out as soon as he gets good or bad news. The one who listens to me, hears me and understands me.

He is the one who answers the phone "Hey you". The one who knows when my voice is thick with worry or fear. The one who plays my favourite songs and sings with me in the car. The one who will huddle together under the umbrella with me and walk in the rain just cause he knows how I love to do that.

He is the one who recognises my handwriting. The one who says "Oh no we can't, you have class that day" when we are trying to make plans. He is the one who is there on my beck and call 24/7 and the one who says "Because I know you" when I ask "How did you know that?".

He is the one who knows my nervous habits. He is the one who knows how I will react. The one who gives me the intimacy of shared, comfortable silence.

He is the one who's warmth keeps me cosy on a cold day. He is the one who keeps the radio off when I fall asleep on a long car journey. The one who knows just how I like my tea.

He is the one who I share the intimacy of sharing one earbud with and tons of inside jokes. He is the one who I always want to try something new together with even when we have no idea what we are doing - the shared hesitancy.

He is the one who always tells me "Text me when you are home safe" no matter how short of a distance I travel to. He is the one who stays up to check if I reached home safe when I am getting too late, no matter the time difference.

He is the one who I feel comfortable falling asleep on or next to, no matter where we are. The one who I share my deepest and darkest secrets with cause I know he will keep them safe.

He is the one says "Shall we share it?" when we order food. The one who tells me "This made me think of you". The one who can sense my slightest shivers and gives me his jacket when I feel cold. He is the one who smiles at me first thing in the morning upon seeing my unfocused eyes and messy hair sprawled on the couch where we usually fall asleep together while cuddling and watching a movie.

He is the ending to all my days and the starting of all my dreams.

I love you. I love you. I love you.

That's all I want to say.

Charles's P.O.V

We spent the whole day in the living room, Y/N crouched up on the couch with her books and me sitting at the coffee table near the couch.

It was going really well, until all I could start thinking was lying in her arms again, cuddled up in her scent which was home to me and before I could control it a yawn I tried to swallow in escaped my lips and Y/N caught it immediately.

The next thing I knew was Y/N pulling me onto the couch and into her arms to sleep against my complaints.

The intimacy of being tired together is a feeling that cannot be explained. A head on a chest while falling asleep to the thump thump thump of your love's heart. There's nothing I want more than to drift off in the arms of the one I love.

I almost felt myself doze off the moment Y/N engulfed me in her warm embrace when the loud ring from my phone suddenly woke me up and startled Y/N.

Grumbling under my breath, I stretched my hand grabbing my phone from the coffee table and answering it. It was my trainer again. "I will be there next week" I said, probably for the hundredth time.

I've been postponing my training sessions for the upcoming GP cause I wanted to stay with Y/N every minute I could to help her as much as I can. I understand why my trainer is frustrated with me, but Y/N is my first priority to me.

"Charles what is going on?" she asked concern lacing her voice as soon as I ended the call. "Nothing to worry about mon armour" I said quickly, tossing my phone back on to the coffee table, "let's get back to work shall we?".

"Charles" she pressed, giving me a knowing look when she knew I was handling something on my own. Just as much as I knew her inside out, she did know every inch of me the same.

"It was my trainer" I mumbled quietly, not wanting to confess it all but at the same time I know Y/N can catch me when I am avoiding the truth so I tried to put it as lightly as possible. "I may have missed a few of my training sessions this week".

"I thought you were free during the first week of the two week break?" Y/N tilted her head in confusion, "I thought your training starts next week".

"Ummm" I chuckled nervously scratching my neck unable to answer her question in an instant which made her put the pieces together. "Oh my goodness!!" she gasped at my silence, eyes widening, "CHARLES MARC HERVE PERCEVEL LECLERC WHY DID YOU NOT TELL ME YOU HAD TO TRAIN THIS WEEK???".

"C'mon get ready let's go" she said tossing her book aside, and trying to stand up in a hurry with my arms still wrapped around her while I had no intention of leaving my spot.

"Mon armour no no calm down" I chuckled, holding her hands in mine and sitting up next to her, pulling her along to sit with me so she won't run to get ready before I explained myself.

"Y/N" I smiled, "I told my trainer I wanted this week off to spend with you and help you study for your finals. You are my most important priority. I will catch up on my training next week"

"Charles if your trainer is asking you to come train now when he knows you are on break it must be important for the next GP in..." she halted for a moment before looking at me in pure horror.

"THE MONACO GRAND PRIX" she gasped a hand over her mouth, "how could I forget... you always start training 2 weeks prior for that..."

"I am so silly how could that slip my mind" she banged her fists against her knees in frustration, tears brimming in the corner of her eyes.

"I am so sorry Charles" she looked me this time with tears swelling in her beautiful orbs, breaking my heart at the sight of a single tear falling from those beautiful crystals which shows me the world. "I am always up to date on the races, this is the first time it slipped my mind--"

"Y/N" I captured her face between my hands and placed a long kiss to her forehead, knowing that calms her down. "Don't you ever apologise ma cherie. You keep up with everything in my life, you have all these years, without missing a single thing... please don't be upset over missing this one thing... you have done more for me than I can possibly count".

Smiling a little, she pulled away from my grasp and stood up, and then held out her hand for me to grab it with that smile of hers which lured me to her with no control of my own body.

"Where are we going?" I asked, confused grabbing her small hand and standing up close to her. "We are going to the gym. And you are going to workout with your trainer like you are supposed to so you will be ready for your home race".

"Y/N--" I started to protest but she cut me off with the roll of my name from her lips. "Charles".

"I know you said you wanted to be with me while I study so I am coming with you" she smiled sweetly, "I will sit in a corner of the gym and study while you train".

"Y/N" I cooed at the thought of her heartfelt gesture, "but mon armour the gym is hot, humid and not to mention wreaks of sweat. You won't be comfortable studying there".

"Charles" my name rolled beautifully over those perfect lips again, my words unable to escape my own lips at the sound of that but her next words caught me at a complete loss for words.

"For you, I'd do anything Charles".

Dumbfounded, I gawked at her, our eyes caught in a craving stare before Y/N broke in to a small giggle, blush tinting her cheeks when she got too shy at me staring at her for too long.

Y/N dealt with me like this a lot. She knew I tend to daydream in front of her, but she never knew it was about her.

At times Y/N would catch me staring at her and smile and she always looks at me innocently and asks "What?" and I always reply "Nothing" but I wonder how she doesn't know yet that I am staring because her eyes are my favourite colour and her smile is my favourite smile and I am trying to keep my cool but I can't because I have been way too in love with her forever.

Y/N was the kind of girl who looks down when you stare at her for a little too long and turns away if you catch her looking. She's the girl whose hair gets a little knotted, and whose smile isn't always real. She's the girl who cries herself to sleep sometimes and cares a little too much about what you say.

She's the kind of girl who wishes for everyone what she wishes for herself. She's the kind of girl that prays you get the best. Her heart is full of love and she always cares for others before she cares for herself. She wants to see you smile even if inside she's crying. That's the kind of girl she is.

The same girl who laughs at all of your jokes - funny or not; the one who will love you with every inch of her. She's the girl who will watch the stars with you at night, and ask how your day was when you come home. She's the kind of girl who you'll find asleep with a book in her hand at 3 am or the kind who leaves your sweatshirts smelling sweeter than before.

The kind you want to love, the kind you want to be best friends with.

She is patient, she is kind, she doesn't realise her worth sometimes.

That's the kind of girl she is.

The kind I am in love with.

And a golden heart like that deserved to be chosen undoubtedly over and over again and treated nothing less than a queen.

And that is all I want to do for the rest of my life.

I want to show her what forever feels like.

Right now, it's been almost an hour of me working out in the gym with my trainer spotting me on the weights and getting a complaint or so every few minutes when I can't help myself but glance over to Y/N sitting across the room.

She was sitting cross legged on one of the benches with her back leant against the wall and her notes splattered along the bench and some piled up on her lap.

She was wearing her "I can't be bothered to get dolled up" outfit and I swear she took my breath away with how adorable she looked. She had a black pair of cargo pants and white t-shirt on with her white sneakers and my Monaco GP cap she grabbed from my suitcase on the way out of the house and just seeing her wearing my number made my heart miss a few pulses.

She had her cute reading glasses on, and her hair held up in a messy bun with a bandana around to to hold back a few strands of hair from falling onto her face.

Her face would scrunch up in confusion at times, and she would bite her lips in times of seriousness, all the while bobbing her head with her earphones on to the beat of the playlist I made for her to study.

In between sneaking glances at her, trying to avoid getting caught by my trainer, I would sometimes interlock my eyes with her looking at me too, and the she would show me her beautiful smile which made me loose my grip on my last pull up.

I can't help it.

Her smile manages to kiss my heart.

Timeskip

Monaco GP - Qualifying (Saturday)

When ever Y/N came to my races, it made it more special in a way I couldn't explain. Walking through the paddock to the garage with her hand in mine cause I know she gets nervous around crowds, seeing her sit in the garage with a Ferrari cap with my number on it, or having her whisper "Please be safe and come back to me" before I get into my car or seeing her run into my arms when I walk back to the paddock after the race, her beautiful smile spread across her face the moment she spots me.

It is not every race that Y/N gets to attend to due to her own busy schedule but she has put more effort than I can fathom in keeping up to date on everything about the races, listening to me whine and complain for hours about everything going on, and even trying to make it to every race whenever possible, regardless of how busy or exhausted she already was from her own life.

So whenever she did make it to a race, like this weekend, I wanted to make it more special than usual but so far things were taking a difficult turn here this weekend.

Qualifying was a disaster for the team this weekend. The car was no where up to being even close to the Red bull pace, along with a few reliability issues frustrating me beyond measure and being hit with a 3 place grid penalty was just another taste of bad luck this weekend held.

The moment the chequered flag was waved signifying the end of the Qualifying session, I stomped off to my driver's room right after getting out of my car. Pissed and saddened by the thoughts of not being able to make my country proud at my own home race. Shutting the door behind me, I banged my fists on to the bed in a mixture of frustrated emotions, unknowing of the door opening again and foot steps approaching me. "Charles?".

Taking a deep breath, I turned around to see Y/N standing next to me, her eyes flowing with worry and concern. My face softened at the sight of her and not wanting to scare her with my overwhelming emotions but Y/N knowing me too well, engulfed me in a tight hug before I could even get a word out and that was when I broke down in her arms sobbing out all my troubles.

"Everything is a mess". My sobs and my mouth pressed against her shoulder almost made my speech unclear, but she wouldn't mind anyway. Holding me close to her, she continued to run her small hands through my hair, calming me with every stroke while I cried out all of mishaps and frustrations to her.

We stood like that for a few minutes, just hugging. Her hands rubbing over my back soothed me completely, calming me down from my outburst. It was the best feeling to be in her arms, where I feel safe.

When I drew away from her, she gave me a small smile.

"I am such a mess Y/N" I whispered, while she wiped my tears ever so gently. "I am the one who is a lot to handle. I don't know how you put up with me" I almost started crying again as a feeling of absolute cold shot through me, making me shiver against her. Y/N stiffened.

Raising my head, I met with her watery, vibrant eyes falling on mine. "Charles, don't ever say that again mon armour".

"You are my mess" she carefully cupped my cheeks into her hand palms, as if I'd break any second and looked into my eyes with that intense look that squeezed the air out of my lungs, "and I can handle you all day".

"Ma cherie, I know you hit a rough patch today but that does not make you any less crazy talented than you are" she defended, making my heart swell, "and it definitely does not make it impossible for you to ace it tomorrow".

"No one deserves to be on that podium more than you mon armour so please don't give up. I'm right here with you no matter what happens" she whispered, and rested her head on top of mine. 

"I know how much this means to you. So let's try. Try. And try till we get it. No matter when. No matter how. Let's do this. Together" Y/N smiled softly with such pure eyes that it took me aback a little.

At that moment I felt the safest I had ever felt. There was something about the way she held me, about the way she wrapped her arms around my neck and kept me close to her heart.

No one else has been able to make me feel so strong and vulnerable while just as safe and as equally humble. No one could reassure me that although I may fail a thousand times more, someone might still be crazy enough to want to be with me just the same?

It is no one else but Y/N.

"You are my angel, Y/N" I whispered softly and my fingers tucked a piece of hair behind her ear, making her even more beautiful than she already is. "With you, even when I lose, I'm winning". 

A smile that reached both her eyes was plastered on her face, looking peaceful and at ease with me. My own smile couldn't be held down and became visible as I pulled her closer to my body and brushed my hand through her hair.

Our eyes kept staring at each other, drowning in the colours of our irises, heartbeats changing until they were beating on the same rhythm. My heart fluttered in adoration.

"Charles, we have a meeting to work on the car and strategy for tomorrow" the loud voice with the banging on the door, startled both me and Y/N out of our trance. "Be there in 5".

Sighing loudly I stood up from the table still holding Y/N in my embrace. "Ready to go back out there?" she softly spoke and rubbed my back while she continued to hold me close. I hummed and smiled, loving this moment.

"Are you coming with me?" I pulled back and asked her softly, trailing the back of my fingers over her cheek to caress while keeping my eyes on hers.

"Always" she pressed a kiss on my nose and then nuzzled it with her own, making me grin, "it is you and me against the world remember?".

"Always ma cherie" I promised, feeling my heart pound louder for her. 

Monaco GP - Race day (Sunday)

Starting in P6 wasn't the best way to start the race on a track with limited overtaking space but I was determined to give it my all, to change my luck around, to lift this said Monaco curse.

Last night, I worked out the flaws in the car that was troubling me with the mechanics and the all outcomes of every strategy possible with the team. Every single member of our team spent the entire night back at the garage.

Including Y/N, who refused to go back home, regardless of my protests for her to go home and rest, knowing this will take us the entire night but she did not budge.

"Charles. I am staying here with you. End of story", she said already grabbing a chair and settling herself with her book in the garage, earning a few chuckles from the crew at me loosing an argument which I didn't think I was going to win anyways but I had to try.

Y/N had her finals coming up in 3 days from today and I knew she was stressed and was struggling to study here in the garage the last couple of days no matter how much she hid it from me but no matter how much I suggested for her to focus on her and not to worry about me, she refused.

Knowing I cannot convince her otherwise, I tried to make her as comfortable as I could here, and so did everyone else in the garage. They all loved having her around. "Charles's angel" was the term moving through the garage, probably started by Carlos, who spends every minute he is on a break with her, the two of them sharing embarrassing stories about me and as embarrassing as all the stories were, hearing her voice and laughter echo through the garage brightened up every dull moment.

"You got a keeper" Andreas laughed as I walked towards the car, after hugging Y/N in the garage before the race, her words of motivation imprinted in my head and my confidence burning bright.

We were ready for today.

I was ready.

The next thing I knew I was passing the chequered flag and the words "And Charles Leclerc wins the MonacoGrand Prix" was being chanted in my head like a prayer I've been dying to hear.

The garage erupted. The crowds erupted.

It was my first win of the season.

And it was my home grand prix.

This couldn't feel anymore special to me.

Getting out of the car, I ran over to the my crew engulfing many of them I could, thanking and praising them for everything they have done, my words getting drowned in them doing the same to me.

I couldn't have felt happier at this moment until I saw Y/N and my brother, Arthur, in the crowd waiting for me to reach them, which I immediately did, hugging them both as tightly as I could.

"I knew you could do it" I heard Y/N whisper in the midst of all the commotion, before a few tears started trickling down her cheek as I pulled back, which I wiped gently with my racing gloves not to hurt her with the rough material.

"I am so proud of you" Y/N says with a blissful sigh making me wrap my arms around her again and pulling her closer until there was no space left between our bodies.

"Charles you have to go. They are waiting" Y/N pulled back and giggled gesturing to the crew and media waiting for me to return to the post-race tactics, which snapped me out of my bubble and made me my cheeks burn under my helmet.

"Go stand on that podium mon armour" she grinned, her eyes sparkling brightly, showing me her happiness, "I will be right here cheering for you".

I was bouncing on my toes unable to keep the butterflies in about walking into the podium, as I watched George make his way to the podium and take third while Max took second. And then it was me.

I strolled out with the biggest smile on his face to see the proud and happy faces of all the fans, my team, my family and more than ever, my angel, Y/N.

As I lifted the trophy up into the air, the cheers erupted again, louder than ever. My own cheers and happiness couldn't be held down, as my eyes scoured the sea of red and landed on Y/N, clapping and cheering among them, which was the most adorable thing I've seen in my life.

The moment our eyes met, she gave me one of those smiles.

A smile that I fell for years ago.

And I still do. I still fall for her every single day.

That smile of hers has something to do with the rest of my life.

3 days later - Y/N's exam day

Right after the race I came back home with Y/N, regardless of her protests for me to stay for the post race celebrations. A series of passing words back and forth took place to make her understand that she is my first priority over anyone. I then came home back home with her to continue to help her prepare for her finals and the big day has now finally arrived.

Ever since she opened her eyes today morning, I haven’t left her side or let go of her hand. Cause I know every inch of how nervous Y/N is right now, and how she has been for the past few weeks.

If only I could make her believe in herself like I do in her. All the sleepless nights and hard work she has poured into her entire medical school life is beyond what I can ever imagine doing and I couldn't be more incredibly proud of her journey and the amazing doctor I know she will be. 

After walking her to the exam hall, I parked the car outside the building and stayed around the area cause I didn't want to leave her and go back home. I wanted to be here in case she needed something and I wanted to be here the moment she walks out that door to tell her how proud I am of her.

Almost 3 hours in towards the end of the exam I walked down the street to a flower shop to pick my order of Y/N’s favourite flowers - orange lilies - I wanted to surprise her with.

Little will she know I have a bigger surprise planned for her tonight.

Bouncing on my heels while standing in front of the exam hall with the bouquet of flowers in my hand I couldn’t help but feel the excitement bubble in me waiting for Y/N to walk out that door finally having completed 5 years of insane hard work. 

I waited patiently for Y/N to walk out that door and into my arms, readying myself either to jump with excitement with her over finishing her finals or either to comfort her if it was a difficult exam.

Nervous myself now, I started to pace up and down the entrance when a storm of students started coming out of the door. I moved to the side and looked for my favourite person and I spotted her the instant she walked out the door with her bag hung over her shoulders as usual. 

"Mon armour" I smiled walking towards her and handed her the flowers to which she instantly wrapped her arms around me as we stood there for a few moments just swaying from side to side.

"You are finally done Y/N" I smiled into the crook of her neck, "I am so incredibly proud of you".

I felt her lips curl into a smile against my skin before she pulled away a little to look at me. "Thank you" she pecked my cheek and my heart nearly exploded, "for everything Charles".

Her words consumed my thoughts and engulfed my heart in a hug. 

"You have nothing to thank me for Dr. Y/N". Her eyes, which had one of the most beautiful mixture of colours I had ever seen in my life, rolled playfully as we walked down the stairs to the car.

"The guys asked me to convey their congrats to you" I smiled before chuckling about what I was about to say next. "And a special message from Carlos, Pierre and Lando about being extra careless now that they have their very own doctor". 

"Oh goodness" she giggled, shaking her head. "I guess I know who'd be my first patients".

"Sounds like a handful already" I laughed. "Well that is the least of what I have ahead" she smiled tiredly, and I immediately pulled her to my chest and kissed her forehead. "And you are going to be amazing no matter what you do".

"And I am going to be here with you with every step you take ma cherie. You are not alone ok?Every single step". When I said this to her, I made sure to look deep into her eyes to make sure she understood every word I spoke.

With bright red cheeks this time, she nodded. "Let's get you home and tucked in for a good nap now." I said, helping her inside the car and fastening her seatbelt. 

"Cuddles?" she mumbled with her eyes half closed already and I felt my heart melt at the sight of her adorableness. "Always mon armour" I said before placing a quick peck on her cheeks and getting into the car myself.

Reaching home, I helped a very drowsy Y/N to the bathroom for a shower where I already had her favourite bath products lined up for her to relax with. Meanwhile, I changed into more homely clothes myself and waited on the bed for Y/N.

Walking out of the bathroom in her cute little pyjamas I couldn't help but feel a smile break free on my face at the sight.

When Y/N noticed me staring at her from the bed, her cheeks began to burn, leaving them to glow making her look even more gorgeous than she already looked to me. 

Feeling the blush creep into my own cheeks I felt my smile grow wider as she climbed onto the bed and shuffled closer to me.

Wrapping my arms around her, I pulled her closer until there was no space left between our bodies as we laid down on the bed. Y/N melted into me, completely at ease.

With my face pressed against hers, I noticed her eyes being closed in tiredness. While holding her protectively against my chest, I switched off the light and pressed my lips against her forehead to rest them there for the rest of the time. 

Time skip of few hours 

I almost overslept through the time I allocated for planning the surprise for Y/N before she woke up from her nap.

Trying to stay calm after startling myself at the time I saw on the clock when I opened my eyes, I shuffled on the bed as lightly as possible to lay Y/N down back on the bed from where she was currently fast asleep which was on me. 

Her peaceful sleeping state with her cute baby bear snores was making it a very difficult task for me to want to leave the bed right now. It was a sight I wanted to wake up to for the rest of my life. 

Breaking my thoughts away from being trapped in this trance, I managed to move off the bed without waking up Y/N as I made my way as quietly as possible to the kitchen where my prep work was to begin.

It took about 2 hours to finish my preparations for tonight before I hopped into the shower to freshen up myself and get into some clean comfy clothes before Y/N woke up. 

Walking into the living room while putting on my hoodie I did a last minute check on the dinner laid out on the coffee table, the roses sitting pretty in vase in the middle and the candles lit up in every space around the room illuminating the whole place up just as I hoped Y/N's face would glow when she sees everything.

I fluffed the pillows one more time and adjusted the blanket on the couch when I heard shuffling of feet enter the living room.

"Charles?" I heard her sweet voice echo as I turned around to be greeted by Y/N leaning against the doorpost rubbing her eyes sleepily. "Hello mon armour" I smiled walking towards her and gently grabbing her small hands in mine. 

Kissing her knuckles, I smiled at the confused look on her face and her sleepy eyes wandering around the room to figure out what was happening. I couldn't help but smile as I watched her beautiful pair of eyes appear again to take in the room's changes. When she noticed the candles, they began to shine and sparkle.

"Charles, what is going on?" she giggled shyly, before burying her face in my chest to hide her tinted cheeks that I had already noticed. "This is the surprise ma cherie". 

Y/N pulled her face from my chest and looked at me with sparkling eyes, which seemed wide awake out of a sudden. Her irises shined so bright, so bright they almost blinded me. 

We both didn't say anything, but her eyes told me more than enough. And as soon as a smile spread all over her face, I knew enough. "Shall we sit?".

"I hope you like what I have planned for tonight" I said a bit nervously, guiding her to the couch and then seating myself close to her and wrapping the blanket around the both of us. 

Y/N instantly leaned towards me and placed her head on my chest like she always did when we cuddled on the couch and I wrapped my arms around holding her close to me as I could as I always did.

"Charles this is all so beautiful". Y/N looked like an angel sitting there, with this faint smile on her face as she looked up at me with her beautiful pair of eyes. "I love it". 

"I smell pasta" Y/N giggled adorably and grabbed a piece of my hair between two of her delicate fingers to play with it, "Is that--?".

"Carlos's recipe yes" I chuckled, "I finally made it. Well it was preceded by a 2 hour video call with Carlos teaching me to not burn it with many curse words in Spanish thrown my way in the process".  

"Mon armour" Y/N let out a laugh before cupping my face in her hands and placing a kiss on my forehead, "thank you for going through that just to feed me".

I nuzzled our noses together in response making her giggle. 

"So what are we watching?" Y/N asked as I handed over one of the plates to her before grabbing the TV remote and turning on the movie I had picked out tonight. The moment Y/N saw what it was she turned to me with a little squeal which made my heart swell in adoration. "The Little Mermaid film". 

"I know were dying to watch this but you didn't have the time so I thought we could watch it together tonight".  A full blown smile appeared on her face and I felt the same reflect in mine. "Ready?'.

Throughout half the movie we both ended up eating or more towards feeding each other the pasta with lots of smiles and giggles, which cheered me up, honestly. Y/N is always so happy when I am with her, and vice versa. The gesture just makes my heart warm and makes butterflies tickle the walls of my stomach.

Placing the empty plates on the table and cuddling back on the couch for the rest of the movie, Y/N stirred in my arms, and pressed herself tighter against me, nuzzling her face just underneath my chin. Smiling to the cuteness, I caressed her back.

Y/N had always been someone I couldn't stay away from; an hour is all it takes for me to miss her. And to have her into my arms right now, breathing slowly and maybe half asleep made me feel so happy and so goddamn lucky. Softly, my lips left a kiss on her forehead.

Enjoying being in our own bubble together, we continued to watch the movie in silence when Y/N's favourite scene came up next and I could already feel her lips curve into a smile on my chest. It was the scene with the song "Kiss the girl" which is a song Y/N had always found to be romantic for a fairytale moment she had always dreamt of having one day.

For some reason, the moment the song started playing, did I feel too shy to even look at her. 

I was so in awe of Y/N, I just couldn't make myself to look at her.

My heart was so completely filled by her that I no longer believe I can call it mine.

And the lyrics of the song were suddenly starting to capture my thoughts.

Yes, you want her.

Look at her, you know you do.

Possible she wants you too

There is one way to ask her

It don't take a word

Not a single word 

Go  on and kiss the girl 

Y/N must have felt my heart beat start to go crazy cause she gently lifted her head to look at me with a worried expression.  "Charles, are you ok?" she smiled, finally triggering to look into her beautiful pair of eyes. 

Once I looked at her and could feel the happiness blooming inside me, as if her eyes were the calm, beautiful morning after a night full of storm.

Y/N had never looked so beautiful to me. I felt light in my head, as if I was drunk. ''Yes'' I whispered, feeling my cheeks burning.

Feeling love fill me completely, I moved myself closer to her and stared into her eyes, taking in every little thing about her. 

Our eyes locked and I couldn't help but to bite my lip to the sight of hers, not being able to resist them.

Y/N continued to look at me in complete silence, as if we were talking with our eyes while our mouths were shut tight. I moved a little closer again.

When Y/N looked down while blushing, I couldn't hold myself anymore, I moved myself as close to her as I could and lifted up her head by lifting her chin up with two fingers.

When she looked back into my eyes, I pressed my lips gently on hers to kiss her, and let my own eyelids flutter closed. And as soon as I felt her lips against my own, I knew that those will be the last ones I'd ever kiss.

Kissing her felt like I was dreaming. It all felt so surreal - too good to be true. A lovesick feeling washed over me, numbing my senses and fluttering hard in my stomach. Warmth spread over my body, consuming me.

After a few minutes, slowly and very softly did I part from her, letting our lips disconnect.

Our eyes kept staring at each other, drowning in the colours of our irises, heartbeats changing until they were beating on the same rhythm. It felt like I couldn't breathe.

We sat like that for about 30 seconds, just staring at each other like we saw water burning in front of us. My thoughts were blank, clouded and unclear, as if the feeling of love fogged up my senses.

"I love you Y/N" I blurted and felt my cheeks go red in embarrassment. It shot out of my mouth before I could stop it. I looked down, feeling extremely venerable and embarrassed. 

It was stupid of me to think that she thought the same way about me, let alone feel like I did.

This screw-up destroyed our whole night of hanging out together and it probably destroyed even more. I destroyed our whole friendship, all because I couldn't control my feelings.

"I love you too Charles" Y/N suddenly whispered against my lips, causing my heart to do flips and jumps. With tears burning in my eyes I rotated, meeting her eyes again. "You do?".

"Yes I do. I always have" Y/N smiled softly with such pure eyes that it took me aback a little. 

"Oh mon armour" I cooed in delight to the touch of her soft lips against mine, kissing me so carefully. 

When our lips were locked, moving gently, I could feel my head spinning, my emotions encircling me like a tornado.

Her heartbeat was audible when I kissed her, causing my cheeks to glow even brighter. 

"I love you so much, Y/N" I whispered, and leaned my head on top of hers, resting and letting our accelerated heartbeats slow down to a normal pace. "No matter what happens to us from now until the end I want you to know that I am certain of you and you can be certain of that".

"It has always been you. It will always be you and only you" I told her truthfully. My fingers tucked a piece of hair behind her ear, making her even more beautiful than she already is. 

Her eyes sparkled brightly, showing me her happiness what made her look even more pure and angelic than she normally looked to me. "Ma cherie, you are my forever".

Smiling, I trailed the back of my fingers over her cheek to caress while keeping my eyes on hers. "I can feel your heartbeat so loud" Y/N murmured softly, her voice barely a whisper.

"Cause I am looking at you and my heart loves the view" I murmured, while caressing her head gently with the palm of my hand, "cause you mean everything to me".

Now blushing herself, Y/N placed her head back on my chest and pressed a kiss right on the place where my heart is located. "You are my end and my beginning Charles".

A wave of warmth consumed me.

Feeling my heart pound louder, I smiled and gently moved us so she could be comfortable as possible only to feel her falling back into my arms and asleep again. My fingers brushed a few strands of hair behind her ear before she placed her head back against my chest.

Having her in my arms. Y/N was my lullaby.

She made me who I am and holding her in my arms was more natural to me than my own heart beat. 

Pictures of our future together slowly entered my mind causing my happiness to grow even more, as I felt myself drift off to sleep too.

I see it.

I see us getting married, moving in together, cuddling on the couch, waking up to good morning kisses, having arguments, making up after, cooking our favourite food, smiling for no reason, annoying each other when we're bored, having the cutest little babies, watching them grow up, never leaving each other's side.

I see us together.

Forever. 

[bamboobooshark]

AMMIT X LITTLE!READER

ོ༘₊⁺☀︎₊⁺⋆.˚ CG!AMMIT HEADCANONS : 840 WRDS

<RATING: PG, FLUFF, AGERE, PROTECTIVE AMMIT>

A/N : Okay I know she’s supposed to be a big bad villain but her voice is so calming and I feel like she’d be an amazing mother/mama/CG pleaseeeeee don’t slander me for thissssss 😞

<SFW INTERACTION ONLY, MDNI/18+ ONLY BLOGS WILL BE BLOCKED>

FAVORTISM .

Whether or not you’re Ammit’s avatar, you’re the favorite when you’re regressed. She’ll let you sit on her lap and order people around. She makes sure you get everything you need. She treats you like royalty and makes sure neither you nor she have to move a muscle. As long as you’re little, Ammit will make you the most satisfied and happy kiddo ever.

“Do you need anything, my child?” she asks you kindly as her large claws pet you. You shake your head, resulting in the goddess gasping at you. “Are you sure? You could have anything you could ever want. Whatever you need, your mother is happy to get it for you,” she emphasizes with slightly widened eyes. Out of fear of making your mama upset, you let her know that maybe something to drink wouldn’t be too bad. Before you know it, she’s got servants asking what you’d like to drink, what you want it in, all of it.

Oh, and if you have any preferences or allergies that her servants forget about, you better bet they’ll get a hot scolding from Ammit.

MY CHILD .

When you first started to regress in front of Ammit and inform her about it, she was confused. Not confused in a negative way, but confused as well as concerned that she might mess things up. However, when you started to call her mama and mommy, she decided you needed a name too!

Most of the time she’ll call you “my child” or something to that extent. When she’s feeling more affectionate or you’re feeling down, she’ll call you her hatching or her little god/goddess. She still uses your name every so often when you’re regressed, but that’s only if she’s being serious or strict with you. Even then, it’s rare for her to do so. If you decide to act “bratty” around her, she’ll just coo and praise you until you calm down.

“Is something wrong, my hatchling? You are not yourself today,” she questions before pressing a gently kiss to your forehead. You cross your arms and huff in defiance. Ammit smiles slightly, a few crooked teeth poking out from her lips. “You have no need to be so upset around me. If something is bothering you, you can always tell me. I am your mother. I will be here for you,” she coos as she pulls you into a tight hug. Her embrace is so comforting and safe that you can’t help but give up the pout and melt in her arms.

RULES & REGULATIONS .

Rules? Ammit doesn’t have rules for you. She makes sure that you’re always around her or in her line of sight when you’re little. But she does have rules with fine print for others who want to be around you when you’re regressed. They can’t be too loud, they can’t be too quiet, they can’t touch you, and they can’t really do anything besides ask you very basic questions and speak to you softly.

“Mama, why do all the servants act the same?” you ask her one day as she’s helping you get cleaned up after running around. She hums in thought before being completely honest with you. “You see my child; they must follow very strict rules. I cannot have you getting upset over some mere, dense mortal’s mistake. That would be distasteful on their part and humiliating on mine. I want you to be as happy as possible,” she explains while washing your back. You nod your head in understanding, and knowing the “mere mortal” thing is never about you.

NATURAL HABITS.

You’ve yet to mention it, but you find it very silly in a way that Ammit will mimic crocodile-like behaviors when you’re small. She might’ve caught herself once or twice, but it’s in her nature. She doesn’t mind that the actions will slip from her mind before she can stop and think about them. She’ll usually carry you on her head and let you sit there like you’re the most valuable crown she could ever get her claws on. She thinks you’re far more valuable than any material item, though.

You hold on to the goddess’s head, the texture of her scales causing friction against your palms and giving you a good grip on her skin. Ammit chuckles softly when she feels you wriggling and grabbing at her. “Are you going to be alright up there, my child? I can take you down at once. All you have to do is say the word,” she reminds you as she aimlessly wanders around her throne room. She’s got no good reason to be walking around like this besides letting you sit on her head. You shake your head no before Ammit lets out a huff. “I need you to use your words. I cannot see you when you’re on top of me,” she reminds you. “I said no. I want to be up here. I like it,” you tell her while smiling and pressing yourself against her. She smiles in return and hums in acknowledgment.

[shiestys0rcerer]

Hiraeth- S.G

﹒⋆ homesickness for a home to which you cannot return ﹒⋆

✧ Suguru Geto x Oc, eventual Satoru Gojo x Reader

✧ warnings : harassment?, cringe maybe, a work in progress

✧ Hireath Series: Chapter One

✧ Authors Note: Posted this on Wattpad but wanted to try it on tumblr, lmk what yall think :3 My first time writing so this might be a little ass but trust I have a vision 🙌, also this is kinda like a flashback? It’s just how they started dating tbh. NOT REVISED!!

✧ Summary: She wasn't exactly sure what made her realize she was in love with him. It could've been the fact that her heart raced when his eyes lingered on her a second longer than usual, or maybe it was the mere fact she constantly daydreamed about doing things with him that crossed the line of friendship.

︵‿୨♡୧‿︵‿︵‿୨♡୧‿︵‿︵‿୨♡୧‿︵‿

2005

The three teens walked through the park together. The beautiful scenery around them began to show as the sun started to set, creating a beautiful gold overcast that filled the sky. The occasional gentle breeze of wind offered a cool contrast to the warm weather.

"I must admit I enjoy moments like these. It's nice not having any work to do." Suguru spoke.

"Exactly! No cursed spirits, no teachers, no higher ups, just putting an end to the day by being at the park with my best friends.” Gojo sighed as he walked with his hands behind his head.

"Please don't jinx us, the moment you say anything positive we'll end up having to deal with some stupid cursed spirit." Sayori groaned as she walked behind the two.

"C'mon lighten up. It's not often we get a chance to be off duty all at the same time." Gojo said as he turned to look at her.

"Oh believe me I'm beyond ecstatic about this, I just don't want our peace ruined by getting a random assigned mission before we even get there." Sayori explained.

The three continued talking as they strolled down the walking trail for another ten minutes before they arrived at an open area. There were people scattered all over the place. Families were sat on blankets, having picnics. Children ran around in groups playing. Even the occasional couple on their romantic evening walked by. Overall it was a nice change of scenery for the young sorcerers.

They instantly made their way to the first empty spot they saw. They spread out their blanket on the floor and began setting up their picnic. Once all the food was laid out they grabbed a plate and began loading it up with food.

"Damn leave some food for the rest of us." Sayori said as she looked at Gojo's plate.

"What? I'm hungry." He argued.

"You're always hungry." Suguru deadpanned as he grabbed a napkin.

"I am not!" He bickered as he placed his hand over his chest in an offended manner.

"No, no he's right, you were literally eating the dessert we packed in my bag on the way here." Sayori laughed.

The trio continued talking and eating for awhile before Satoru's phone rang. He checked the caller ID and instantly picked up. Silence fell over the other two as they watched his face drop with the quick conversation.

"Yaga called. Said he needed me to come in because the higher ups want to talk to me." Satoru groaned as he ran his hand through his hair.

"Do you want us to go back with you?" Suguru asked as he watched Satoru get up.

"Nah, it's fine. You guys enjoy the rest of your day, I'll see you two later." He said waving his hand as he walked off.

Silence once again fell over the two. It wasn't often Sayori got the chance to hang out with Suguru alone. Though she was excited she'd finally be able to talk to him without Gojo interfering every two seconds. If anything this worked out perfectly. They had the rest of the day free, maybe she could find the time and courage to tell him how she felt.

"Well at least it wasn't us." She broke the silence as she pulled her knees up to her chest.

"Yeah thankfully.” Suguru replied, before he stood up and began stretching. He closed his eyes as he pulled his arms behind his head, his shirt lifting up a little, revealing his torso.

Sayori very quickly took notice of his skin and shamelessly kept watching as he stretched. Though her trance was broken when the wind picked up and almost blew away the empty plastic wrappers laying on the blanket. As soon as she went to grab them he stopped stretching.

"Stupid trash ruining the moment." She mumbled quietly as she crumbled the wrapper. After being broken from her trance she decided to clean up and collect all the trash in the bag they brought the food in.

As Sayori began to walk over to the trash bin she noticed a man standing by a tree. She accidentally locked eyes with him, but she just looked away and carried on. When she looked back up she noticed he started walking towards the trash bin as well. Though she still shrugged it off and continued on. However he reached the bins and just stood there.

"Oh god please don't let him start talking to me. Just let me do this one thing in peace." She prayed as she reached the bin.

"What's a pretty girl like you doing out here alone?" The man whistled. He didn't look homeless but he reeked of alcohol.

"Why the hell do I even bother." Sayori groaned mentally as the emptied the bag in the trash.

"Come home with me baby, I can give you some company and show you a good time." The man continued, a smirk growing on his face.

"Ew.." the only thought that ran through her mind.

"Ah! No thank you!." She declined as she waved him off and turned around.

"It's not like you have a boyfriend anyways so just come home with me." He snapped.

"Oh so he's just an asshole, got it!" She remarked mentally rolling her eyes.

At the moment she could've just knocked him out. Even without her cursed technique she could easily overpower him in a second. Though something in his statement struck a cord and left a bitter taste in her mouth.

"What makes you think I wouldn't have a boyfriend?”Sayori asked.

"Because you're alone, and even if you did have a boyfriend, what kind of idiot lets his woman walk off alone. A real man like me wouldn't treat you that way." He slurred.

"A real man wouldn't harass a girl at the park either but okay." She thought to herself.

"He doesn't control my every move. I left to throw away the trash from our date. That I was very much enjoying until you came along." She lied as she looked him up and down.

"Hm, not buying the excuse, sorry sweetheart." The man said with a smug look on his face. Sayori was one step away from punching him, but she was set on proving him wrong

"Hey, Suguru! Can you please come here!" She called.

"Man, I hope this doesn't make things weird between us, hopefully he'll understand.."

Suguru was better than this man in every way possibly. Suguru was tall, caring, sweet, and attractive. The drunk on the other hand lacked in every category a woman could have for her standard in men.

Once he heard her calling he immediately walked over. Taking notice of the man, and Sayori's happy face he couldn't help but feel confused. He walked up  to the side of her, and she immediately snaked her hand around his waist, taking him by surprise.

"Well you wanted to see my boyfriend so.. here he is." Sayori smiled.

Suguru, now understanding his role in the situation, smirks as he relaxes his shoulders. He rested his hand on the small of Sayori's back, causing her to freeze for a second.

"I'm sorry, baby is this drunk bothering you?" Suguru cooed as he played along.

Sayori’s mind quite literally exploded in that moment. The nickname itself made her face heat up. Though for the sake of her act..and selfishly her self, she continued to play along.

The mans eyes just widened in shock. Which honestly was enough of a reaction for Sayori but she wanted to see how far she could push it.

"Yup, and get this, said you were an idiot for letting me out of your sight." Sayori added.

"Maybe I am for letting my you walk around while's there jobless drunks patrolling the area. C'mon my love we're leaving. Suguru said locking eyes with the man, who still was wide eyed. Though Sayori was almost matching his expression. She was in complete shock of his response to this situation.

"Keep it together, you look just as shocked as the drunk." Sayori thought as she regained her composure.

Suguru turned to walk away, still intertwined with Sayori, though as much as she wanted to stay that way, she let go and ran back to the drunk.

"Too late sweetheart you missed your chance.” The man smirked. 

Though it didn't last long because as soon as Sayori was a foot away from him her fist make quick contact with his face. Knocking him out cold. She immediately ran back to Suguru and grabbed his hand and ran with him to a different spot.

They made their way to a tree a good distance from the drunk man, and stood under it. It was closer to the pond and had an overall nicer view than where they were before. However it was far from others, and in a more secluded area. 

"I can't believe you just punched him like that." Suguru said almost astonished.

"Hopefully he'll wake up and realize that harassing girls in the park is a dick move. Or maybe the police will pick him up and take him in for being passed out drunk in public. Either way it's a win-win. He learns a a valuable lesson and I get the satisfaction of seeing the shock on his face when you came in." She said with a sense of justice in her voice.

Sayori looked at Suguru before turning to the view. The sun had begun to set, casting a beautiful mix of purple in the sky. The moon had been just starting to rise and peaked out through the purple sky. Below it was the pond, which still had a few people in the little swan boats pedaling around.

"The view is beautiful isn't it?" Sayori asked as she sat down and looked out at the pond.

"It is." Suguru simply replied smiling as he looked at her.

She could still feel his gaze on her. This felt like a dream. Almost everything she has wished for has come true today in one form or another. Without giving it another thought she opened her mouth.

"Hey Suguru… I'm in love with you." She admitted, her gaze still focused on the pond as her heart beat picked up.

He laughed quietly, before he spoke. “I‘ve waited so long to hear those words.”

[eldritch-spouse]

I swear this is my last ask for the night, I have been devoring your content and got the 601 badge for it, which I'm now proudly displaying on my blog. Anywhowitzers.

From my perusal of Vesper content, what if, his Queen desperately wants bio children of her own? Not just one. Maybe like, 4 with him. Originally was gonna shoot for like, 12 kids before she met him but understands that he has a limit.

His Queen has a big BIG momma bear streak as well and it breaks her heart when, with Vesper's mark, kids shy away from her out of uncomfortablness and she can't help but think, "Are my own children going to do the same?" She's always wanted at least 2 children of her own but upon learning about how concubi are around them, she's torn about if she should even try with Vesper and feels insecure about voicing what she wants because she's sure it would probably be countered with an immediate, "No." So she kind of slips into this funk, where engaging with rapture with him ends with a twist of deep despair because she knows that as much as she wishes for children of her own, she can't help but think it might be better to just give up that dream.

How would Vesper react to his Queen slipping into a depressive state upon that realization? Would he try to convince her that everything is fine as is? Would he try to speed up the process of turning his Queen into a Concubus so she wouldn't feel that desire anymore? Or maybe even try to actually conceive after learning about how she feels?

And then, let's say she does go through the transformation before having kids. She remembers her want for her own offspring and feels like a war is raging within her at almost all times. Her new instincts battling against her old dreams and desires. I feel like there would be times where she stares off into the distance, face twisted in disgust while tears drip from sorrowful eyes, and her hand clenched tightly against her stomach, nails digging in yet cupping herself tenderly.

- ZN

[It continues to fascinate me how people are so intent on shoving children upon Vesper. I've never even told you if he'd be good as a father, the sex appeal must create some sort of mental warp wherein people genuinely think it would work out- In spite of everything. Or maybe it's a deliberately torturous prompt, that I understand. I don't mind the asks though, congrats on the badge. 🎉 🤣]

Vesper will always push back on the topic of children, and it genuinely pains him that you're so focused on one, but you need to see things for what they are, and Vesper will not hesitate to open your eyes one day.

Look around you, you live in depravity. You are depravity- It's your new life! A child cannot he born into that life, ever. Not only would it wound everyone of his citizens to be in close proximity to them, that poor halfling would experience soul-shattering trauma that not a single person wants to imagine. You will not conceive anything in the grounds of Lust. Ever.

You cannot take an extended leave to the surface (or another Ring) for the purposes of carrying out a pregnancy and raising a child to at least eighteen years of age. He won't let you. That makes no sense to him. While it is true that demonlords of Lust have had kids before, these were mere transactions to acquire a direct heir who will grow up far away from them, which isn't something the most recent generations of Lust rulers are concerned with.

Can you do that? Can you separate yourself from your children after birth for that long? Do you fear they might resent you? It's risky business.

Vesper sits you down and he explains to you, at length, what a horrible idea having children would be. But please, there is no shame in having caring instincts. And, in his eyes, you should redirect that to the people around you. Take care of those within the mansion, take care of Lust residents in need (not just sexual need, of course), but please. For your own sake, don't try to establish contact with children.

Vesper is not about to sentence a potential child of his to a life of misery. He'd rather they not be born at all.

The Icon does tell you that your nature and your desires will change when your form does. That it will no longer be painful to exist childless, you will grow into a new age of your existence where that no longer weighs you down. Pain and sadness do not last forever, my Queen.

He will be there when it seems as if your own mind and body cannot come to an agreement, when your instincts fight, when you're torn inside out. It will fade.

It will fade.

One day you will be understand this is for the best.

Lust is not for the pure of heart.

[beanghostprincess]

I would like to know how Sanji feels regarding Yasopp from a Sanuso perspective. Because there are two situations that I would love to write in a fic format but I'm not sure which one would fit best.

1. Sanji resents Yasopp more than Usopp does. Usopp explains to Sanji that his father left him and his mother to become a pirate and that's fine with him because he left to follow his dream, a dream that now Usopp is achieving too by his own hand and that will get him to see his father again. And even if there's resentment there, he's always like: "Well, he left us and I found out he spent time with another kid that is coincidentally our captain and my best friend but, y'know, it's fine because I know he loves me and at the end of the day we will find each other again. And my mom was the one to support him on his adventure, I can't really complain about that, can I?". And Sanji doesn't take that well because he knows how little Usopp thinks of himself and he knows that, behind all of that, there's more pain than what he says out loud. The mere fact that Yasopp dared to leave him behind makes Sanji's blood boil and he can't accept that Usopp isn't angrier. He should be angry! Furious! His father, the one who left him on his own with his sick mom, does not deserve Usopp's forgiveness. He makes Usopp know this: "What?! Usopp, mon trésor, you cannot possibly be saying this right now." / "What? I- It's not like he left me because he didn't love me, he left me to follow his dream. I think you of all people should understand that." / "And I do, dear, but- His dream should not have been more important than you in the first place and what he did is disgusting and outrageous and he doesn't deserve-!" / "Sanji, don't-" / "Somebody that leaves his child behind is not a good perso-" / "Could you shut up?! The fact that your father doesn't love you doesn't mean that mine is the same! My dad had a dream to follow, yours just didn't want you!" Oh. And that's when Usopp knows he's fucked up real good. But Sanji doesn't get mad and doesn't accept Usopp's apology because he's aware that he's been acting like a jerk too, talking without knowing anything about Yasopp, actually. They end up talking things out, of course, they make up. Usopp keeps telling Sanji that he's dying to see his father only to tell him that he's okay and, whenever he isn't, he has his boyfriend with him who will protect him even from his own father if he hurts him. Which is not the ideal situation, but at least Sanji is ready to do anything to anybody that hurts the love of his life.

And then there's the second possibility, which is still angsty and follows the same dynamic except that it's reversed:

2. Usopp is being insecure about what Yasopp feels for him. He's always known his father loves him and only left to follow his dream. He knows his mother is the one who supported him, too, and it's not Yasopp's fault that she got sick and he wasn't there. But sometimes the thoughts of not being wanted by his own father (especially after knowing that he enjoyed his time with Luffy, of all people) haunt him. And, you know, sometimes Sanji just can't take it. Seeing his boyfriend drown in self-deprecating thoughts and the assumption that his father doesn't love him is his nightmare. Because it's exactly what has always happened to him, and Usopp doesn't- He just doesn't know. "Usopp, I know- I know that what we did is fucked up and you're allowed to be mad-" / "I am not mad, Sanji! I am- How- How am I supposed to react when I see him? Uh, yeah, it's totally fine that you left me and mom alone. By the way, she's dead and you weren't there! But guess who was there? Me! A kid! On his own! Thank you very much, how's the pirate life treating you? Remember Luffy? Well, I'm sure you fucking do-" / "Darling-" / "I know he loves me, Sanji! Or whatever! He said he did. Was it that hard to show it a little bit, though? Because whenever I think about-" / "At least your father wants to see you again, doesn't he?! Okay, he might've fucked up big time and I get it, Usopp. I fucking get it. But he's out there and he's probably waiting for you and he tells people about you! He told Luffy about you, goddamnit. He loves you. If Zeff hadn't found me if- If for God knows what reason Zeff hadn't found me, I wouldn't even have had the chance to call somebody that truly loves me 'dad'. So stop complaining that he wasn't there and start thinking about how he's probably waiting for you. He had to make the hard decision to leave you with your mom, my father didn't fucking think twice before locking me up away from the rest of the world." Sanji knows he has talked too much when he sees Usopp's startled face. And following the last idea, the ending is pretty much the same. Apologizing for things they probably don't even truly think and accepting that they both have different experiences and that they're allowed to feel the way they do.

I honestly prefer the first one for a lot of reasons, especially Sanji's protectiveness and sense of justice and also the fact that I think Usopp's behavior is closer to canon. However, the second idea explores more the envy Sanji could probably have when it comes to biological fathers (which can still be there even if he doesn't consider Judge his father at all and has Zeff. He's still haunted by his past trauma, yay).

[officalroyalsofpierreland]

Snags in the Plan

Villa dei Reali Scozzesi, Private Mediterranean Island

Hortense: Good Morning Mon Prince. You're up early. Oliver: The brain decided to get an early start Moa Gaol. Angus was just giving me a brief update on what's going on back home. Nothing too pressing in Scots. Some...interesting things out of Francesim.

Hortense: Ah, that explains why you two were looking very suspicious out here. Oliver: Darling you wound me! We could've been planning a surprise! Hortense: You have done enough surprises mister. Such as your choice of reading material. It was peeking out of your bag with a page marked.

Oliver[worried]: Oh? Hortense: When were you going to tell me you were reading his book? Oliver: Soon. Hortense: When. Oliver [sighing]: On the plane to the IU before we went skiing...I wanted to be able to read it and process it all before bringing it up with you. I know that the topic of your grandpere is delicate. Hortense: But he is my grandpere...you know that I want to meet him. Oliver: I know. Hortense: You know that my opinion on him is different than my brother- Oliver: Darling, he told you to not read the book...and let's call spades spades, your brother's views are colored by simparte imperialism glasses. But I do know you, that you see the best in everyone. I just...wanted to get an idea of who the man is prior to us meeting with him- Hortense: What? We...we're going to meet with him?

Oliver: Unless you would like to meet with him on your own, I would not be offended by that...but I just want to make sure...that he is a person who will provide some form of benefit for you. Whether it be to fill in some gaps or answer questions you have. You deserve to hear him out, if you so wish. Hortense: Oliver...I don't know what to say. Oliver: I just ask that you allow me to meet with him first...He may be your grandpere, but he is a stranger to all of us and I did promise your brother to protect you. Hortense [teasing]: He'd argue that allowing me to meet him isn't protecting me. Oliver: Ah, well your brother didn't specify whose definition we were using, so we're going with mine [Hortense laughs] Hortense: What is the news from Francesim? Oliver [sighing]: It..is not particularly pleasant news. Hortense[worried]: Is everyone all right? Oliver: Everyone is fine and healthy...though I question Louis decisions right now...He's decided to leave for his naval training and make Charlotte his regent.

Hortense: No...no that cannot be...that can't be right Oliver. He would...He'd never- Oliver: I'm afraid it's true. My source-

Hortense: Your source is wrong! My brother would never leave Charlotte and his child. Especially while she is in such a delicate condition. Oliver: I know but- Hortense: My brother cannot wait for this! He was so excited when he told Mere and I! Oliver: Moa Gaol, Louis was the one who told me. Reports have confirmed it. Hortense: He told you? When? Why would he do this?!?

Oliver: He told me on my bachelor weekend. He sought my council on the matter. Hortense: Please tell me you advised him against this! Oliver: I did. I told him that leaving his wife now especially when it is the birth of his first child was dangerous both socially and politically but he is hell bent on pursuing his military dreams that he has had since he was a boy. Hortense [sighing]: Mon dieu...he has always wanted to be a sailor... Oliver: I told him that those dreams died with your father...that he should be with his wife because children are never promised....but also that people could use her to gain power but he believes your uncle will be enough of a deterrent. Hortense: You do not think so? Oliver: As formidable as he is, no. I think the power hungry are closer to Charlotte and will use the pregnancy to grab more power through her and through the child. It makes me firmer in my resolve to ensure that when we have children, I will never leave your side...It is not something I would even dream of doing.

Hortense: That is where you are different than him mon prince. And for that I am thankful...and I think I must add Charlotte to my list of prayers...for strength to deal with my brother's stupidity.

Mentions of @empiredesimparte

[noirbriar]

Glorestor: 5 Times They Denied (Final)

+ 1 time They Did Not.

From the POVs of the various folks around the 2 elves who are convinced they are courting, or betrothed, even though they were told otherwise.

OOC as always is all on me and canon is super hazy now but ahhh I tried

The final part! Thank you esp @mae-it-be-an-evening-dhros @tamilhobbit @the-dreaming-plastic-dinosaur for following this indulgent writing of mine as part of me coping with things and being so kind to my first experiment writing based on Tolkien's works!

Sometimes, its the kindest ones who break the most.

---

6] Elrond Earendilion

Elrond is tired.

Here he sits on Celebrian's favourite bench in their balcony, watching the blazing crimson sun setting over the cliffs of his beloved Imladris. The light flooding the valley with endless red. Like fire, burning the skies, dripping into the water flowing endlessly, the life blood of all in this realm.A swallow chirps and lands on his shoulder, weightlessly and with ease.

Vilya pulses with every breath and each pulse of his fea as Elrond feels the fine well of power entangling around him. The Lord have been feeling the weariness of the ages sinking deep and clinging heavy on his bones.

The dull weight of it all drags on, settling on his spirit, plunging into depths unknown, rolling down and down, pulling into a deep, dark ocean beyond even Ulmo's reach.

Deeper.

And deeper.

And deep-

"-rond? Elrond!"

Elrond gets startled out of his darkening thoughts as the little swallow flutters off and faces the one face that he had always known.

One he and his brother have come to known as warmth and safety since they were but tiny elflings. Against the burning sky, Erestor stands before him, bent low with a gentle hand over his own, the one that bears the weight of power. The older ellon's cold hands cooling unlike the overbearing heat of his own skin. His slate green eyes dark, filled with a wide array of emotions unspoken, swirling in those orbs.

Right now, his Chief Councillor has forgone his usual heavy black robes, except for his elegant brocade robe of office over a tunic and leggings. The gold earcuff and feanorian earring shinning brightly.His twin blades strapped by his side and a crimson red scarf. No longer a mere advisor, Erestor and a select few of his staff have taken up the duty as the last means of defense of the Valley with the absence of Glorfindel and their troops.

Yet to Elrond, before him is not his Councillor and advisor, but one he and his brother have long recognised as another peredhel and claimed as kin of their own.

"Tor."

Elrond shifts and tugs Erestor down to sit beside him, the Lord of Imladris easing away the persona he carries.In his own private quarters, he cares not. The quiet guardian lets him, allowing Elrond to lean his head on his shoulder, his cold hand holding his own.The rare instance where Elrond feels the suppressed fea of the elder, the cold light bringing him familiar comfort. There was always something about the elder's fea he could never explain and he never knew why Erestor did so. Elrond never asked.

"You should not push yourself, Elrond." Erestor whispers.

"This land and many depend on me. As well as those further west. The darkness grows and without the strength of the land, it will be hard on our forces."

"Glorfindel and our warriors are more than capable of defending our borders against the wretched claws of evil and their ilk."Erestor admonishes gently, rubbing mindless circles on the peredhel's hand."You must rest, it will do us no good should you wear yourself thus. Arwen worries too."

"My precious daughter...always so sensitive and thoughtful. Even if I loathe to part from her, she has grown and found her own path. My sons, even if they have not made their choice to sail, they are finding their own place in this world. I cannot help but wonder...where does this leave me?"Elrond whispers his heartache in melancholy, closing his eyes and tries to ease the tension in him.

He is so, so tired. Like a thin piece of string, tattered and worn as time went on.

How he wished he could return to those innocent days! Safe and warm.There were days where he yearned for vague memories of the arms of nana, the hazy and distant gentleness of his adar's hand. Oh! How he longed for Celebrian's infectious joy and light. The ever smiling Celebrimbor's optimism. The ever practical Erenion and his laughter. In all that he had lost, he misses them the most. Dearest Elros by his side as they played with their strong Atto, with Atya singing enthralling songs and wonderous lullabies into the wild breeze.

His heart is so greedy and wants for them all. Fragments of light out of his grasp. Little fragments is all he craves.

"To be honest, when all is over, I had no desire to sail."

Erestor's words throws Elrond out of his maudlin thoughts like a broken glass, bringing everything to a standstill. The air freezes as Elrond's heart sinks, the younger elf turns harshly around as he hears the feanorian's proclamation.

"What?"

"I have long thought I shall fade here. On this very land where my Atar and my Amil have held me and my siblings in their embrace. " Erestor stares at the crimson dusk, "Where it all began, is where I will find my end. The only home I had. Where all my memories are, and have possessed all that I have ever known."

The string breaks.

"You can't!"

Elrond snarls, grabbing Erestor's arms, clinging almost like a desperate man reaching for a distant shore. The son of Earendil and Elwing feels that the abyss have finally caught him in its cold maw, the endless waves of loneliness and loss, regrets and sorrow that he have kept away for so long, now unchained in its fury. He had long known many of the old feanorians and the noldor have thought to remain in Middle Earth, with Imladris as their final Home. However, to hear those words from his longest friend, protector and kin-

The power beneath this land moans painfully with her master's sorrow, clinging to Elrond like a child seeking solace.

"Everyone I have known and love are lost and gone. Forsaken and abandoned! I cannot! I cannot lose you as well, Tor!"

Elrond gives in as he finally wails, wretched and tormented, ages of heartache and desires bursting forth. The remaining one finally starts to crumble under the weight he has borne.

Dear Erestor who watched over him and Elros, and sheltered them after Maedhros and Maglor were gone. The one they have taken as their older sibling. Who had held them in the cold, somber nights in Lindon, with battered bloodied hands and lustrous raven locks shorn from his head. Who mourned with him the death of their beloved Elros, and the fall of his legacy. The one built with him this haven and held his own children with the same gentle hands filled with scars. The one who kept him and his children going as Celebrain's ship sailed.

Elrond has had enough.

"I don't want to lose anyone anymore. Please, Tor. You are all I have left..." was all Elrond could plead with what selfishness he could find in him.

He is a healer, he has seen broken hurts and deep wounds buried in the soul, mending each unspoken pain little by little with what strength he carries.

But who would bear and heal the pain of the healer then?

"Oh, Elrond..."

The old feanorian caresses his face in tender hold, wiping away the tears he have not realised were there from his redden cheeks. Bathed in ephemeral crimson light, the two companions through the ages holds the other quietly.

"Do not weep." Erestor whispers into his ear as he embraces the younger peredhel in sorrow.

"I will not lie, that was my thought for the longest time, to remain in the land where my amil and my siblings have laid to rest before passing into the Halls. I am tired, truth be told. Yet with all that has happened recently... watching you, the young ones, even Bilbo and the Dwarrow and Edain, and all who have came to this haven we have forged...I find myself wondering, if I could find that courage that you all have shown to walk a different path?"

Erestor then turns back towards Arien, watching the crimson setting sun. While Elrond stares up wonder at this Erestor who is still that calm and mighty guardian, yet different all the same. Within his eyes, they seem to hold a different light. A light that he feels in their shared bond of kinship in their fea, a burning ember chasing away the creeping darkness that have grown far and deep away inside.

And Elrond feels.

Things then swiftly happen in immediate succession, like something in the distance shattered and mended. A change in the air as that unseen miasma of dread it lifts as the birds cry. Vilya shudders, the elven ring trembling in resonance, before finally dimming itself into almost nothingness.

The horn of the Valley resounds.

An age ends. Another shall soon begin.

---

The residents of Imladris awaits at the square for the troops returning, bearing the wounded and the lost, but triumphant still with news of the destruction of Sauron and his Ring. Elrond bears his mantle once more with his circlet and heavy robes embroidered with patterns of gliding stars, hollow still but no longer in deep woe.

Vilya remains silent.

Their Lord descends to welcome their armies and the Edain back Home. Arwen remains close by his side, dressed in silver and silk. His daughter, ever empathic and sensitive. Her quiet presence a balm after that release of emotions welled up and sealed in him through the ages, bringing about much relief to his weary heart.

Bilbo Baggins, even with his body growing old and frail now that the final connection as Ringbearer is lost, hobbles slowly beside him in careful steps. The Hobbit probably hopeful for some news of his nephew and the fellowship.

A long welcoming horn sounds and there beyond the bridge, they see Glorfindel, glowing with the light of Aman, leading their victorious warriors and the last of their wounded home. Elrond's heart gladden to see them safe once more. As the Lord of Imladris, Elrond breathes in deeply the refreshing clean air, ready to give a speech to welcome them all home-

Right before he could get a word out, a blur of a shadow darts out, his Chief Councillor leaps elegantly past the many steps and simply crashes straight into his Captain dismounting Asfaloth. His favourite crimson scarf falling and lays forgotten in his wake.

The Golden Lord would have fallen over by the sudden unexpected impact from being pounced upon him if not for his unnatural strength. The Balrog-slayer dropping his helm and swiftly catching the dark haired elf with a hand on his back and another placed almost naturally on his assailant's bottom with no hesitation. The startled warrior's surprised noise also does not hinder Erestor in the slightest as he wraps his arms around the taller ellon and greets him.

Head on with a hard kiss.

Elrond nearly chokes.

The world seems to stop in that instant. Not a soul breathes. Not even as the caravan and wagons of the wounded behind holler at what was on with the hold up from behind. Asfaloth simply snorts in disbelief with a shake of his great head only a horse can, and wisely chooses to trot further away.

Everyone else remains still. Not even willing to move a muscle as the couple parted after a long heated kiss before a stunned audience, heaving with adrenaline and foreheads touching close.Unbothered and unconcerned.The silence is deafening, before someone finally speaks.

"Marry me, Laure." Erestor whispers, breathless.

Glorfindel gasps. His eyes bright with emotions, wild and free. The Hero of Gondolin could only gaze at his partner wordlessly filled with a fierce passion and endearing love.

"Eres? You are certain? You know we do not have to. I care not for oaths or promises or ceremonies, but only you by my side. My fea knows only you, forever and always. I am content!”

"No!"

Erestor's hands clutches into the white cape of their Captain, his eyes fierce with raw determination, their unbridled Tempest.

"No more I shall fear of the unknown. Neither of Oaths nor Doom. Even if I am damned to the Void, even if I must claw my way out of the abyss, I will find my way back to you! It is you, and only you that I will hold till the end of all of Eru's Songs! I want to be one with you meldanya*. I am ready."

If there was a tear from either of them, no one could say for they were so enthralled by the words they share.

“My brave Eres! Have I not told you before? May it be in the light of grace or endless Void, all I care is you as you are. It will never change! If it is what you desire, then let us become one! None will keep you from me, for what use is my poor existence if I cannot keep my heart by my side?" Glorfindel smiles, holding Erestor close with no concern to the travel-worn state he is in. With a lighter, softer peck upon the soft lips of his partner.

“You need not protect me. Just, stay beside me, as I face what is ahead, that is all I shall ask. ” Erestor whispers softly. It was plain for all to see, even with that cool mein, their ever stern Councillor was basking in the raw light of love.

“That I can do.”Glorfindel returns with a soft laugh, eager and proud in their joy.

"I am sorry. I am sorry it took so long."

"Nay, it matters not for we are here at last, and what do you know? I am ready too." Glorfindel then pulls Erestor into a deep embrace.

"Let us be bound, Eres, and never be apart."

"Aye."

Elrond does not know why or how but watching this all unfold before his eyes, his two friends finally answering to those unspoken feelings that they have all long known felt like a refreshing air of relief for himself. The Lord can only give a loud laugh at the incredulous timing in the whirlwind of it all. Like a chapter coming to an end on its own.

Their happiness is so infectious and warm, that it urges the half-elven on with an unexpected impulsiveness as he descends down the steps to meet the couple. His arms reaching out and pulling them into a hug with his dear friends. Which causes the trio of Lords to nearly fall over into an unseaming heap if not for Glorfindel and Erestor pulling Elrond and each other safe on their feet on the solid ground.

"Mellyn nin! Does this mean we can safely deem that you are both together? After so many years, we are to have a wedding in the Valley then?" The Lord of Imladris smiles, feeling lighter than ever.

The couple shares a an uncharacteristically shy look, probably realising their open affections have been on full on display. The two shuffling awkwardly, as Glorfindel pulls back his golden braid and Erestor straightening his robes. Even as their hands remain clasped together through the motions.

"Aye."

"We are."

With that the dam breaks and there are cheers and roars from all around. The felicitations and laughter blooming and loud, even out beyond the gates, voices echoing far across Imladris.

Elrond even spots several bags of coin being passed around. Looks like the age old wagers have ended, one that he was unfortunately unable to participate out of fairness and status. His foresight definitely did not foresee any of this, Elrond can be certain, despite whatever one may believe. There were some hands passing over even to a rather eager Bilbo and...Arwen!? Elrond gives his daughter a incredulous stare of dismay with a raise of his brow, but Arwen simply wiggles the bag and mouths, "Aragon's!"

Right.

"But we will not be having a wedding."

The sounds all come back to a halt, leaving the birds to continue with their delightful song.

"ABSOLUTELY NOT!"

Everyone gets startled by the suddden aggressive shout and turns to its unlikely source. The ever polite and dutiful Steward of the House, Head Minstral of the bards, Lindir, stands in utter dismay and fury. A look of disdain upon his face with a hand clutching his robes in great horror. Elrond is rather certain its overly dramatic and very much out of character for the usually placid minstrel.

"No! No! Absolutely no! I have waited for an age for this and I refuse to accept-Its not how things are done! I made plans! I drafted songs! I will be vindicated! I WILL SEE A WEDDING!" Lindir declares with a glorious wave of his sleeves. Some of the household staff can be seen nodding in agreement.

Alright, he stands corrected with further observation. The little sleeve sweep was so much that he is reminded of Atya. Lindir certainly has enough flair to match with the Noldor he admires.

The couple can only simply blink blankly in response.

"But, we do not have the resources allocated for it, Lindir. Besides, we are short on time, we must prepare for our Arwen's wedding and for our House to journey forth to Gondor. There is also our wounded and our dead to care for, either way, it is not feasible at all." Their ever calculating and planning Councillor explains calmly.

"I politely disagree, my Lord Erestor."

Everyone now turns to Saelbeth who is the one to interrupt his mentor with a bow. His hands tucked in his sleeves as he steps forward from the group of councillors gathered.

"We not only have an abundance of resources stored, our staff and soldiers are more than capable and equipped to run autonomously. In fact, much of the preparations have already begun. Our household is more than proficient to handling the arrangements should our Lords be amendable in our suggestion."

Erestor narrows his sharp eyes at his protege, who is undaunted by the fierce look. As if the feanorian did not expect the efficiency he has implemented in this House to choose now of all times to work against him of all things.

Glorfindel gives a slight cough which sounded suspiciously like a laugh.

"We are also, able to oversee the duties of our troops as needed, if necessary." Deputies Laica and Thandor concurred from behind without prompt.

Which only earns them a careful glance from their Commander, one that the soldiers have chosen to disregard. Glorfindel rolls his eyes with an unbelivable shake of his head, muttering something along the lines of 'insubordination'.

"To be honest, Eres and I, we have both desired to only be wed simply by bonding. For our kin and friends here in our beloved home to recognise it, is more than enough." Their Captain elaborates, although this answer just seem to infuriate the usually calm minstrel even more, that the sindar is made speechless as he tries to breathe with his staff supporting him behind.

Elrond is a little guilty to find the whole situation a tad comical in any other circumstances.

"You will both not grant me the chance to witness an elven Wedding in my Home before I leave?"

They all turn around and come face to face with his daughter. Their beloved princess, their Evenstar, reaching out to hold their hands in hers. She gazes at her mentors and guardians with those gentle eyes, glimmering and full of hope under the golden rays of a new age of peace.

"Arwen-" Erestor began but Arwen urges him to listen with a shake of her head.

"Uncle Erestor, Uncle Glorfindel. Long have I wished to see you joined and blessed in ceremony. Will you not grant me this? Please?"

With that, Elrond can see the couple's resolve fall. Which was not surprising. For the two loved his daughter as though his children were their own since they were born. Elrond remembers the nights he and Celebrian handed his children to the two, watching them care for the young little elflings with so much care and selfless love.

Although that little spark in Arwen eyes is a little too obvious. Elrond gives his daughter an exasperated but fond look for that. It is somewhat reassuring to know his children all have not lost all of their playful innocence after all they have experienced in life and will carry them forth in what lies ahead.

Erestor manages to resist for a good while before giving a resigned sigh. He shares a knowing look with Glorfindel who returned with a wistful shrug.

"We can compromise, I suppose. Who needs tradition anyway in our haven, a Home for all walks of life?"

And compromise they did.

After mourning for the ones that have passed and comfoting those who grieved, the rest of Imladris sang for all, for those who cry and those who are to heal, and for everlasting peace.

Until the voices cease and raises once more in the flurry of excitement and chaos. The whole of Imladris prepares for the journey to Gondor and Arwen's wedding. Here in Imladris, where all of the elves from every clan have settled and called home for more than an age all prepare in their strange mix of elven customs hashed together in celebration.

On the night before their departure and their supposed wedding ceremony, Glorfindel and Erestor disappears, while Imladris makes merry in the name of the married couple.

The duo only emerges once more at the break of dawn, with Arien's greeting upon them. Glorfindel and Erestor appear, walking down the path from the sea of beech trees serenely, dressed in beautiful robes that Elrond has vaguely remembered from years long ago on one autumn eve. Their hair braided in a mix of noldor and vanyar patterns. They bear no wedding rings, but upon their brow, rests the circlet of their mate, with golden flowers shining against raven dark hair, and an elaborate twisting weaves gleaming upon glowing gold locks. It was plain for all to see, the marriage bond is complete and proud.

They stand before The Lord of Imladris and Arwen by his side, Lindir standing nearby bearing the ceremonial water from the Bruinen with almost the entirety of the Last Homely House welcoming the newly bonded Lords back with flowers. With bended knee, they greeted him and presented each other as their rightfully bonded mate, awaiting for his blessing. One that Elrond is more than eager to give, as he holds their warm hands in his.

Warm?

Under all that happiness, Elrond suddenly senses a familiar light in Erestor as well. Elrond feels, and is surprised to find Erestor's fea dancing unbound, like a little ember on a quiet eve. With Glorfindel's powerful light mingling through like blooming vines, caressing across the shared connection. He simply cannot put a finger to no matter how he tried. Although he is unable to give much thought to it with most of his House eager to approach and congratulate the newly wedded couple until the time comes that they must leave for the long journey to Arwen's future.

Elrond watches it all, as he had done through the ages. A sense of acceptance settles within him as he urges his mount on, taking the first step out of Imladris with his daughter and friends by his side, and the elves of Imladris following behind.

Elrond turns to the boundless skies beyond.

Everyone is finding their own path, its probably time he walks down his own as well.

---

Flags flutter in the wind. Sails are prepared, and the ships are ready. Elrond observes as everyone else bid farewell to friends and kin. He has already made his goodbyes to his children but as a father, it is still difficult to part with them, forever his and Celebrian's treasured little ones. Bilbo and Frodo are huddling with their kin while Galadriel and Olorin speak with Cirdan in quiet voices.

It is hard to comprehend that he himself is finally leaving these shores for some place he has only heard and never seen. May it be from tales in the books or words of others. The unknown seems so difficult to grasp now that he is facing it.

"Elrond."

Elrond turns and sees Erestor and Glorfindel approaching, probably done with overseeing things.

"Tor." Elrond indulges a childish whim, greeting his advisor the nickname out in the open. Before he is pulled into a warm embrace by his old companion.

"Be safe. Be happy."

"I will."

A press of their foreheads, the two part, before Glorfindel hugs Elrond as well.The warrior's arms folding over his form, strong yet gentle. Oh Glorfindel! Fair and selfless, who protected him and his family since the days of old, always cheerful and supportive. The defender of Imladris who sang so beautifully and made the flowers dance. Who also have the terrible habit of enabling little elflings with too much sugar and making him laugh.

He will miss them both dearly. His precious friends who have walked by his side.

"Send my regards to Celebrian and everyone there, alright?"

"Are you both sure you are staying?" Elrond asks once more, just to be sure.

Now that Glorfindel's duty is done, he is to return to Valinor. Erestor, now his husband and mate meant that he too, will sail with his beloved. Yet, the couple has elected to remain in Middle Earth and Imladris for sometime yet.

"Someone has to watch over Elladan and Elrohir. As well as those who seek to sail in the coming years, who will need guidance as they pass through the Last Homely House. Celeborn alone would not be possible!" Glorfindel remarks lightly in jest.

"It would not be long." Erestor reassures.

A bell sounds, and Cirdan calls for those looking to sail to finally board the ship. In that moment, the reality of the situation finally sinks in for Elrond like a skipping pebble finally falling into the water.

He looks back at his friends, who returns with an encouraging nod and a wave.With a deep breath, Elrond steps forward and onwards.

As everyone boards, Elrond notices Galadriel turning pointedly towards Erestor without a word. Who simply gives a small nod in acknowledgement to the Lady while Glorfindel keeps a hand proudly on his mate's waist. Galadriel gives a cryptic nod in return, and turns to board the ship.

As the hobbits follow along with Olorin, Erestor suddenly strides up, calling for Bilbo. The old hobbit and his nephew turns back towards the feanorian in wonder. It is then, Elrond sees Erestor removing his treasured earring bearing the feanorian star, bending down and handing it carefully into Bilbo's thin hands.

"I do not know what good this may do, but I hope it will aid you in what you seek in some way."

"And... should anyone ask?"

Erestor and Bilbo share a long moment in silence, before the old hobbit grips onto the gift with a new found strength in his old hands with grateful acceptance. Olorin watches on, curious and full of mirth, but wisely chooses not interfere as they move on.

The anchors are pulled. The wind picks up and the gulls sing an ode to bid them farewell.

Farewell to Middle Earth! Farewell to everything and all! As the Eldar and the ringbearers leave behind all they have known and onwards into another realm, into another journey unknown. The breeze grows strong and the waves rushes, pushing them on and into the light-

"Elrond!"

The Peredhel turns back and sees Erestor running upon the docks, robes in hand and shouting towards the ocean with little care for his usual decorum. Glorfindel following close behind, waving brightly and so enthusiastically, almost like a maniac should one stumble upon the sight.

"Go! My kin! We will be just right behind!"

"The journey will be awhile! Do not miss us! It will not be long and you shall have company to keep you busy, dear Elrond!"

Elrond blinks back a tear at his silly friends and laughs.

---

---

---

There was only so much one can do out in the vast and endless sea in close quarters with many others. However, Elrond has found comfort watching the stars and his Adar sail across the night skies, wondering in the quiet of his mind.

When the shores of the West are finally sighted, many are excited, though for a break in endless voyage or beauty of it, Elrond could not be certain. As they all clamouring and crowding on the bow for a glimpse of the blessed realm.

Yet the unexpected always happen when one least expects it.

With a loud cry resounding into the air breaking the peace, everyone on the ship are soon startled out of their watchful gaze of the their eternal home. Elrond jumps up, sprinting to the bottom of the deck to the storage where lies its source. Where a pale Frodo stares incredulously at an open box.

Galadriel arrives as well and they share a questioning look, leaving Olorin to quickly tend to the startled hobbit on the floor of the ship. Bilbo slowly joins in, offering a pat of comfort to his kin, though the old adventurer seems oddly calm by the chaos. Sounds of movement from the opened box increase with intensity, each rustling and rattling growing louder much like Elrond's own heartbeat. There is no foulness or evil in the air, but age old instincts has them on edge all the same.

With careful steps, Elrond approaches the crate first with Galadriel following close behind.

Cautiously, they all peer inside.

After all these years and in endless joys and unending sorrow, the half elven finds finally feels that burden upon him lifting, a light of hope and his being healing at long last. With quiet tears and a sob of delight, Elrond is finally able to smile again, full and free, as he dives in to embrace the beginnings of healing as his heart soared.

"Atya!"

---

*Quenya: my beloved

A/N: I probably could have polished things more but at this point, I think I shall leave it as it is. A rather odd final part I think but I tried? Thank you all for taking the time to read and comment and reblog, you all made my day with each one!

(Part 1) (Part 2) (Part 3) (Part 4) (Part 5) (Part 6)

[soulofapatrick]

Heart’s Desire 2/2 - Simon Lewis x female reader

Summary: after talking with Alec you go find Simon

Words: 1.9k

Warnings: non really; a little angst

Y/N’s POV

As I step into the familiar confines of the institute, Simon tailing behind me like a lost puppy, his presence a comforting anchor in the whirlwind of emotions swirling inside me. The air is heavy with tension, a silent reminder of the events that unfolded in the Seelie Court, and I can’t help but feel a knot of guilt tightening in my chest. 

Jace is the first to notice our arrival, his keen eyes narrowing as he takes in our somber expressions. He raises an eyebrow in silent inquiry, a silent question hanging in the air like a sword waiting to fall. "What happened?" he asks, his voice laced with concern. "Why is Clary so mad and upset?”

The weight of his question hangs heavily between us, and I swallow hard, the guilt threatening to suffocate me. How do I even begin to explain the tangled mess of emotions that led us to this point? How do I put into words the conflicting desires and fears that churn inside me like a tempest?

I glance at Simon, his expression almost pleading, and I can feel the weight of his uncertainty pressing down on me like a leaden blanket. It's as if he's bracing himself for rejection, for the inevitable fallout of our tangled emotions now that we're back in the real world where consequences cannot be easily swept aside. I have to swallow hard before I turn back to Jace, the bitterness of my words tasting like ash on my tongue.

“Stupid Queen playing her sick jokes," I mutter, the frustration and anger seeping into my voice. The words hang heavy in the air, and I see Simon flinch, a small sound escaping him that feels like a punch to the gut. I shake my head, unable to meet his gaze as I grumble out, "I need to find Alec."

Without waiting for a response, I turn on my heel and head out of the main room, the weight of everything that's happened pressing down on me like a physical burden. I stride down the corridor towards the bedrooms, each step a deliberate effort to put distance between myself and the overwhelming emotions that threaten to consume me.

As I push open Alec's door with a sense of urgency, the familiar sight of his room greets me, offering a sanctuary amidst the chaos of my emotions. But my respite is short-lived as Magnus lets out a sound of surprise, his eyes widening in astonishment as I enter unannounced.

“Get out Mags.” I say to him, my voice tinged with urgency, gaze unwavering as Magnus glances between me and his husband in bed beside him. 

“You can’t kick me out of my own bed.” Magnus retorts, a challenge in the raise of his eyebrow as he waits for Alec's response. But Alec merely tilts his head slightly, his gaze fixed on me with an intensity that sends a shiver down my spine. It's unnerving how he always seems to be able to read me like a damn book, seeing through the facade I try so hard to maintain.

As Magnus huffs in frustration, he snaps his fingers, and suddenly he’s fully dressed and climbing out of bed, his movements swift and decisive. “Fine,” He mutters, tone laced with a hint of annoyance, “I’ll go get some coffee.” 

With a swirl of his jacket, Magnus strides towards the door, leaving Alec and me alone in the quiet intimacy of his room. As the door clicks shut behind him, Alec still doesn’t move, his eyes fixed on me with an unreadable expression. It causes me to swallow hard, feeling a surge of vulnerability wash over me as I meet Alec's gaze. But there's no judgment in his eyes, only a quiet understanding that fills me with a sense of comfort and warmth.

Slowly, tentatively, I climb into the spot Magnus just vacated, curling up beside Alec with a sense of relief that floods through me like a tidal wave. His warmth envelopes me like a protective shield, wrapping his arms around me and I rest my head on his chest, focusing on the steady beat of his heart until I’m able to think straight enough to tell Alec what happened. 

“Simon kissed me.” I mumble, feeling Alec's eyebrows raise in surprise as he processes my confession. He knows all too well how much I've longed for Simon to look at me, not Clary, and the weight of that realisation hangs heavy in the air between us.

“Why don’t you sound happy about it?” Alec asks gently, his voice soft yet probing. He shifts slightly, turning to face me fully, his eyes searching mine for any hint of what’s troubling me about this all. 

I swallow hard, the guilt weighing heavily on my conscience as I struggle to find the right words. "It's complicated," I murmur, my voice barely above a whisper. "I mean, I wanted him to... but not like this.”

Alec’s brow furrows in confusion, his expression a mixture of concern and curiosity. "What do you mean?" he prompts, his voice gentle yet insistent.

I take a shaky breath, steeling myself for what comes next. "The Seelie Queen," I begin, the memories of our encounter at the court flooding back with painful clarity. "She made Simon choose... between Clary and me.” 

Alec’s eyes widen in understanding, the pieces of the puzzle falling into place as he realises the gravity of what I'm saying. "And he chose you," he says softly, a note of awe in his voice. 

I nod, unable to meet his gaze as the guilt gnaws at me like a relentless beast. "But at what cost?" I whisper, the words barely audible in the quiet of the room. "Clary... she might not be my friend but I never wanted to hurt her.” 

Alec reaches out, his hand finding mine in a gesture of comfort and solidarity. "You didn't do anything wrong," he says firmly, his voice filled with conviction. "The Seelie Queen's games are twisted and cruel. You can't blame yourself for her machinations.”Alec's words of reassurance wash over me like a soothing balm, offering a glimmer of comfort in the midst of my turmoil. His hand in mine is a grounding force, anchoring me to the present moment as I struggle to make sense of the tangled web of emotions that threaten to overwhelm me.

“You’re right,” I murmur, my voice barely above a whisper. "I can't let the Seelie Queen's games dictate my happiness." With a determined nod, I steel myself for what comes next, resolving to take control of my own destiny.

Alec squeezes my hand gently, a silent show of support and encouragement. "Go find Simon," he says firmly, his voice filled with conviction. "Tell him how you feel. Don't let fear or guilt hold you back.”

I nod, a sense of purpose settling over me like a mantle as I rise to my feet, determination burning bright in my heart. "Thank you, Alec," I say gratefully, a small smile tugging at the corners of my lips. "I don't know what I'd do without you.” 

As I make my way towards the door, Alec's voice follows me, a beacon of strength and reassurance in the darkness. "And remember," he calls out, his words a silent vow of solidarity. "You deserve to be happy."

With Alec's words echoing in my mind, I step into the hallway, my resolve firm and unwavering. It's time to face my fears, to confront the feelings that have long simmered beneath the surface. And as I set off in search of Simon, I know that no matter what challenges lie ahead, I'll always have my friends by my side to help me navigate the stormy waters of love and loyalty. 

As I turn the corner, the hallway seems to narrow, my heart pounding a frantic rhythm against my chest. And there, right in front of me, stands Simon, his presence both comforting and unnerving in equal measure. The air crackles with awkward tension, thick with the weight of unspoken words and unresolved emotions. It feels as though time has slowed, stretching the moment into an eternity as we stand there, locked in a silent dance of uncertainty.

Summoning every ounce of courage I possess, I take a shaky breath and blurt out the words that have been weighing on my heart for far too long, my voice a jumbled mess as nerves threaten to consume me. "Iwantyoutowantmeto." I falter, needing to gather myself before I continue, taking a deep breath and gripping Simon's hands firmly in mine. "I want you to want me too," I repeat, the words clearer this time, though my voice still trembles with a mixture of anxiety and longing.

As the words hang in the air between us, I watch Simon's expression shift, a kaleidoscope of emotions dancing across his features—surprise, disbelief, and something else, something that sets my heart racing with anticipation. And then, like the sun breaking through the clouds, his face lights up with a radiant smile, his eyes alight with a warmth that sends a rush of euphoria coursing through me like a tidal wave.

“You  have no idea how long I've waited to hear you say that," Simon says, his voice filled with a mixture of joy and relief. His words wash over me like a soothing balm, banishing the doubts and fears that have plagued me for so long.

Before I can fully process his response, Simon tugs me towards him, surprising me with the strength of his embrace. His arms wrap tightly around me, pulling me close as if he never wants to let me go. In that moment, I feel safe, cherished, and loved—a sensation unlike any other. 

As Simon pulls back slightly, his gaze holds mine with a captivating intensity, sending shivers of anticipation racing down my spine. And then, with a tenderness that leaves me reeling, he leans in once more, his lips capturing mine in a kiss that ignites a firestorm of emotions within me. 

His lips are soft yet urgent against mine, a silent plea for reassurance and confirmation of the feelings we've both harboured for so long. The kiss is a symphony of longing and desire, each brush of his lips against mine sending sparks flying through every fibre of my being.

As the kiss deepens, Simon's hands find their way to my waist, pulling me closer until there's no space left between us. The corridor fades away, forgotten in the heat of the moment, as Simon presses me against the wall with a passion that steals my breath away. 

His touch is electric, setting my skin ablaze with longing as he explores every contour of my lips with a hunger that leaves me dizzy with desire. It's as if we're two stars colliding in the vast expanse of the universe, merging together in a blaze of passion and intensity.

“I told you to find Simon not make out with him in the hallways!” Alec’s voice comes from down the corridor as he leaves his room, breaking me and Simon apart, both of us blushing like teenagers, “I’m happy for you but no making out in the corridors.” 

“Yes sir.” Simon mumbles out, face going even redder after calling Alec ‘sir’.

“Alright Ali” I laugh.

The Shadowhunters Masterlist TAG LIST - updated 21st Dec 2023

[pumpkinstrawbrew]

you're toxic, i'm slippin' under with a taste of a poison paradise

...

(i always jokingly call their ship 'my chemical romance', mostly bc of the fact that crane is awfully good at chemistry, among the other things. n' i do dearly love this aspect of their relationships. gotta adore how it's literally 'toxic' love, bc the fear toxin is a thing, n' they both end up sniffing it, every time they met. so it's less of poetic language here. it's just that they end up inhaling fumes n' havin' a bad trip. plain as day.

anyho', these arts are circling around the idea of what if at one point, crane dosed both of them on purpose. n' what if he did it as the scarecrow. or more so, when he was in mindset of the scarecrow.

btas crane n' old comic ones are usually depicted as sadists, who ironically are afraid of pain themselves. as jonathan is the sort of man, who is afraid to suffer / be hit / be picked on, bc it was his whole life. he knows how it feels n' he's dreading it. n' while it's cute, i was wondering about more crazy n' drastic measures, that crane might take, even if he knows that it would hurt him, but at same time, would grant him smth that he wants very-very badly. in this context, some 'discomfort' should be fine. n' i believe, that if he's 'out of it' or desperate enough, he might do it.

in this context, him using ft for smth dare i say kinky, isn't out of question. i often think' that crane might view his ft as a connecting link between himself n' batman. even if he doesn't know who batman is, the difference between them is evident. starting from the looks n' ending up with their personalities. but when batman is afraid, it's like jonathan bringing bruce to his level, isn't it? at that moment, they're the same. crane dosing them both is almost a power move. kind of harmful, bc crane cannot quickly overcome his own toxin like batman does. but still, it would take batman aback. give jonathan those 10 seconds of being the 'big bad' man in the room. but that's just a cherry on top. the main point of this is that jon can get away with smth, like a kiss or smth more, bc it would all be lost in horror soon enough. with this nearly an ultimatum in mind, he can waste those few moments *where he still udnerstands what's real n' what's not* to be bold.

i feel like btas crane will be a tad more modest about it still vs his more unhinged comic counterpart. but batman would be caught off guard, either way! i generally do enjoy the situations, where bruce is ruffled n' taken for a ride from time to time. he's very serious n' very prepared, n' all that, but it's fun to let jon score a win. even if it's small, it still would plague batman for days. his enemy dosed both of them, crawled into his laps, kissed him n' then just.....refused to explain himself. n' while it would be puzzling from bruce's pov. i love how it would have been the fear-included kiss for both of them, but jon would have been afraid of it *touching lips with him* even without ft, so this what makes it painfully appealing to me.

i stan by a hc that pleasure is generaly very hard concept for crane. n' he doesn't fully know what to do with it. or how to proceed. any fantasy, where things just nice n' not complicated feels untrue to him. he can't do what harley did n' just smooch the bat. he's not a pretty gal or even someone, who has any skills in that area. more so, the mere idea about how the bat might be willing to do smth with him, outside of being low-key cornered into it or lured into, is beoynd him. which is pretty sad, but it just feels kinda....like, well, jon, haha. i can't picture him as someone, who can overlook his self-hatred n' disgust this easily. but causing smth, when controled by fear n' despair for having that one thing he's pinning for, now this would sound realistic to him.

as for bruce, he can take his revenge by simply kissing crane back. n' also explain nothing. i imagine, that when it happens, crane's brain will freeze. it's like an instant defeat.)