#it is A tuesday if that makes it any better
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Thinking about how my tiger kalim probably has more of a reason to why he's always friendly and cheerful no matter what the situation is, and IT is literally because he's born a full tiger (both parents are tigers).
I think, one of the few conversations Kalim remembers the most is one he had with his mother, where she talked to him about how "you should always make yourself appear more friendly around others, let them know you're there as a friend and not a threat", since, not only will he be towering over most people, but he's way more stronger than alot as well (since, yk, big strong cat) and I'd imagine for alot of people would find that intimidating. So what better way to prevent people from being scared of you than being a happy go lucky guy, a bit of a yippee kind of fella!!
Another thing is Kalim rarely shows any negative emotions like anger, same reason as before, it's cause people wouldn't like that, they wouldn't like a big angry tiger, like what if he attacks them? It's also kinda why Kalim never saw either of his parents angry, cause pissed off tigers are scary as shit. Book 4 was probably alot more horrific to Kalim than it was in canon, not cause of the whole Jamil brainwashing him, but cause Jamil made Kalim appear more strict and angry, And after it was over. It made Kalim quietly panic like "Oh my god what if people are scared of me now" (thankfully that didn't happened since everyone was aware Kalim wasn't the one in control of his behaviour, so that mini panic didn't last long, but still it made him tweak)
Besides Kalim suppressing any negative emotions! But did you know he also has to be insanely careful with anything he's handling because he doesn't know his own strength? This isn't something his parents told him to hold back on, but he himself is instead. And it's all because when Kalim and Jamil were kids, Kalim ended up getting too excited to where he hugged Jamil so damn hard it made him scream because it basically almost hurt him. (Jamil is fine btw he doesn't remember it, it was probably just a tuesday for him) That ended up leaving a mark on Kalim so bad he's now more careful with whoever or whatever he's handling (He also hesitates on hugs alot now with anyone who isn't his family)
Okay last little yap about Kalim before we're done, but despite being a tiger, Floyd still refers to Kalim as "sea otter" and that's cause in Floyd's eyes "Kalim is so damn cheery, he's as threatening as a sea otter". Now most people would probably take this as an insult, but Kalim actually likes it a lot, since it lets him know that he isn't scary at all if he's "as threatening as a sea otter". But also in a way, Kalim probably wishes he was born as a cute, weak, small otter, instead of a scary, strong, big cat.
#Me when I grab a character and make them more miserable than they are#Love youuu kalimmm makes you more insecure than you already are#monoduke yaps
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Chapters: 3/11 Fandom: Percy Jackson and the Olympians & Related Fandoms - All Media Types Rating: Mature Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Relationships: Jason Grace/Percy Jackson, Annabeth Chase/Piper McLean, Nico di Angelo/Leo Valdez, Hazel Levesque & Frank Zhang, Percy Jackson & Piper McLean, Annabeth Chase & Percy Jackson, Annabeth Chase & Jason Grace, Nico di Angelo & Jason Grace, Jason Grace & Leo Valdez, Silena Beauregard/Charles Beckendorf, Silena Beauregard & Piper McLean, Aphrodite/Poseidon (Percy Jackson)
Additional Tags: Alternate Universe - Royalty, Arranged Marriage, piper and percy are half siblings, piper and silena are half siblings, but percy and silena aren't related at all, Poseidon is an okay Parent, athena is a bad parent, Lesbian Piper McLean, Gay Jason Grace, Asexual Jason Grace, Bisexual Leo Valdez, Bisexual Annabeth Chase (Percy Jackson), Bisexual Percy Jackson, Demisexual Percy Jackson, low fantasy with maybe some magic, but it's not a big part of the story, it gives almost fey court vibes but without all the magic if that helps ig
Summary:
Percy is the (bastard) heir to the Kingdom of Cyprus who doesn't want to get married. Piper is his legitimate half-sister who's been keeping him in the good light her whole life, worried at how he'll manage if she's forced to leave Cyprus for a marriage
Annabeth is the greatest shame of her mother, and illegitimate heir to Athens, forced to watch her younger brother inherit the throne, her only hopes to reclaim her honor in a political marriage.
Jason is the newly minted heir to Olympia, after his older sister ran off suddenly, just trying to navigate a life he's never been taught, but is expected to master.
When alliances are drawn, it's in the best interests of all of their kingdoms that they stick to the plan, but their hearts aren't with the program. They have a week to sort out love from royal responsibility, and two love stories that must end in two marriages, even if the lines are a bit squiggly.
This week....
Annabeth makes her entrance, Percy makes an impression
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Wait you had autism and still got along with the other kids and knew what was going on with them?? I was never able to do that! I still chose to do my own thing but would have been unable to answer those questions.
I mean I didn't really WANNA make friends for a super long time so it didn't really matter? And if anyone was outright mean I don't think I noticed till like 6th grade.
After 6th a few other kids liked to throw or kick things at my face or steal my art supplies or give me mean nicknames- I remember almost all the boys in my class one year started a thing where if I got within 4 feet of them they'd yell "[tea] GERMS!" and make a dramatic mad-dash escape, and that was kinda hurtful, but IDK how long that was a thing??
Anyhow I started asking them if they had a crush on me or if they were just stupid, and when they asked what I meant I'd just be like "well there's two reasons boys act stupid around girls. Either you have a crush on me, or you're just always this stupid"
And that invariably led to them yelling "I'm stupid, I'm stupid!" or telling me, "I'd rather say I'm stupid than say I like you!"
Which might have been hurtful if I wasn't growing into a mild superiority complex that assured me I was smarter than them, and nicer than them, and there was really no need to desire the approval of stupid, mean people.
(This was, of course, backed up by the fact that my father was one of those mean, stupid sorts of people, and I fully beleived if I could handle him, I could handle anyone my size, and so what if you dont like me? My own dad doesnt like me, am i supposed to value your opinion?)
Then by highschool I got hot, and if one of them started chatting me up I'd just be like "You wrote in my yearbook in 2002 that I was a huge loser. Why would I want to hang out with you"
And by THEN I'd met enough genuinely fun, interesting people who actually liked me that I was never around anyone who openly disliked me anyways.
Not until I started to realize I wasn't 100% a girl and cut my hair off- Then I started hearing other girls whispering to each other that I looked like a lesbian- gasp- which, again, was actually pretty funny, 'cause then I'd just tell them not to get their hopes up 'cause I wasn't available.
Then I graduated, and moved, and it turns out I'm actually kind of hot funny smart and successful, and whenever I fall into the deep deep pit of dumb ugly stupid imposter-syndrome, I remember that as mean as other kids were sometimes, their parents thought I was the best.
So anyways get fucked Gabe from ninth grade, your mom used to give me candy and bail me out of detention. I had the biggest fucking crush on your mom dude
#But uhhh I guess if I can give anyone in the weirdo seat some advice it'd be Prioritize whose opinions you care about#Learn to like yourself#and Don't take any of that shit seriously like the MINUTE you get out it stops mattering#Also I'm a security guard now so I've hauled Gabe's drunk on a Tuesday stupid ass out of ditches a few times#That definitely makes things better#I never forgot the hockey puck Gabe you dumbshit#How's your mom
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the tess is exhausted
#i know its only tuesday but i was feeling pretty disgusted with myself (my appearance my personality my place in life etc)#then i went to the bathroom and BAM. werewolf week#it all makes sense now#anyway it doesnt make me feel any better man i feel like such a loser bitch#whatever
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screaming into the void <3
#my best friends boyfriend (who i’ve also been friends with for years) is just. not himself rn#we think it’s a manic episode but we don’t really know but it’s. terrifying lowkey#he thinks he’s genuinely jesus and that he’s conquered time and that he and my bsf are adam and eve#he’s been sending my bsf liek hundreds of texts per day since tuesday but it got really really bad and incoherent yesterday#and i woke up this morning to see multiple texts from gcs he created w me in them#and he keeps being like ‘because it’s 6:20 this is true’ and like ‘i know that at 9 pm everyone is gonna understand’#and he’ll text like 5 times then send a sc of what he just texted like that proves something but it’s all nonsense#i’m just really really concerned cause he really needs help but i don’t know how to ensure that happens cause he’s 19. not a minor#he’s just. not him rn. he’s called my bsf multiple times yesterday when he HATES calling normally#he had his band and his mom over in his apartment yesterday cause my bsf called his mom and h went to his bands show but was visibly not ok#and he saw nothing weird about it even tho he hates having ppl over normally and never without warning#and you can’t get him to see logic because everything you say he just twists around to work for him#to be clear it was not this bad when it started. when it started it seemed like normally maybe slightly out there conclusions he was drawing#but it just got worse and worse like exponential decay and really bad yesterday#he also didn’t sleep at all yesterday night and idk if he slept tonight#i know his mom took his phone at one point but he texted me and gcs w me in it starting at like 6:20 this morning#and my bsf and i and friends are on a trip out of state rn but we’re leaving today and i don’t wanna wake her up until i have to because#this is literally hell for her. but it’s just. scary. i don’t know what to do. i don’t think there’s any good options really for me rn#i want to warn ppl and try to explain he’s Not Him rn so they don’t get concerned but who knows if they’ll understand what i’m trying to say#i know it’s not the end of the world but it really feels like the end of my world as i know it if that makes sense#and my bsf lives with him in an apartment near their college and they just signed the lease for the next year#but she can’t stay there with him alone. not until he gets help. we’re all too scared it’s going in the directon where he thinks it’s better#for ppl to go to the afterlife. which like he never would normally. but he’s Not Him and so like. who knows#he keeps talking about all these different dimensions and how you need to travel to the 7th dimension to understand#my bsf was crying yesterday and she called her mom to explain and she keeps saying that she just wants her jake back it’s really scary#cause he will probably never be the same again. he’ll be similar but different but she wants his comfort but he’s Not Him. and can’t give it#i just. really want this to get better but it’s so hard to see that happening rn
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might be even more protective of jun that i am of kaz and jin
#i see bad takes on kaz and jin im like “yup its a tuesday alright”#i see jun being called “delusional” i have to stop myself from flying in a blind fucking rage#sorry you cant understand her. but tbf the writing doesnt make it any easier so i guess that tracks#“she deserves better” and the sky is fucking blue can we move on?#tagging later
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alright, i have come here to discuss something tonight and that topic is: barton still killing every single police officer that bothers him at the docks (except for jim, but i swear that's just for plot purposes. okay... nah 🫠 it's not lmao BUT moving on) and hating law enforcement in general + vigilantes, BUT with the new added context that he has a partner who he found out is a vigilante? well... i'm just here to say that it makes me think that doing mental gymnastics is just a daily practice for barton at this point LOL
but that's okay, because his vigilante partner is genuinely slay in his eyes + worth it. and thus, anyone who dares try to call him a hypocrite for being with her will be smacked halfway to tuesday so ❤️ (the heart essentially means don't do it JSJSJ ☠️ not to say that i would expect that anyone here would do it OFC though y'all know what i mean (,,: and oh, the mun who portrays the vigilante character that i'm talking about knows who they are tehe MUAH ilyyy)
#OF MONSTERS AND MEN: musings.#ooc post.#AHHH yet another rambling courtesy of autumn at a slightly late time on a tuesday buttt that's alright BC i live to post about this-#chaos gremlin even if it is at 10:00 at night / hj LOL nahhh i don't literally live for it OFC but it is very enjoyable might i say#and while i'm here just kind of shitposting in the tags can i just say that enemies to lovers is one of my favorite tropes...#SO of course i am saying this with all of the love in my heart for cruella and her OC kat because she's great + i think that the dynamic-#that we've built between her OC and barton is honestly really interesting + i just. GAHHH i love it in general okok#but i wanted to just make a little light-hearted post kind of calling barton out for his favoritism today BC as his number one hater#i feel it is my responsibility to expose him for all of his inconsistencies / j LMAO i kiddd but i just think that him making an exception#for one vigilante because they're his partner after having what feels like an identity crisis BC barton was basically thinking#'well doesn't being with one technically mean that i'm supporting them as a whole?' but honestly i think it is a bit more nuanced#than that and barton realized this because like. yeahhh they may have faith in the possibility of him being able to change BUT#for now he's still committing atrocities + one still has to work out the complete 'kinks' of a relationship like this of courseee but#oddly enough them believing that he can change may or may not have been a deciding factor in barton's decision to be with them BC#he isn't often 'believed in' if you know what i mean as a villain as you may be able to imagine and it does admittedly intrigue barton#when someone is able to see the humanity in someone like himself who he generally views to be so irredeemable that there's#basically no chance for him TO become any better so yeah
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Currently making a tres leches cake (at 3 am) and I think I messed up the sponge :’D Like this milk is not absorbing that well. Putting it in the fridge I hope tmrw it’ll look alright 🫶🏼
#and if it doesn’t I’ll have to find a way to make it better before bringing it to class#ahhh and it’s my turn to lecture too#anyway#short stories today#I worked with kindergarteners! that was fun#they’re so cute <3#and if u do any small amount of art they’ll be like omg ur so good lol#which i think is funny#they’re so creative too#like I worked with 4th graders before and ngl they kinda took longer because they’re so focused on perfectionism#these kindergartners just did the activity as soon as I handed them the chalk!#anyway I’m just glad they like doing art for the sake of doing it :>#also idk why they scheduled me to do Tuesdays when my baking class/obligations are Tuesday + Wednesdays :’D#oh well#hence the baking at 3 am thing lol#technically I started at 11 pm#but anyway!#wishing the best for this cake otherwise tmrw me has to do sm fixing 🫶🏼#Bella rambles
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My doctor messaging me at 12:30 in the morning to tell me she wants to do a telehealth visit abt the side effects I'm having with my new Lamotrigine dose (including worse insomnia than my usual insomnia, as u may have guessed lmao) is. something.
#text post#like i know why i am awake babe why are YOU awake this late#and god why do we have to do another visit#they aren't bad enough to make me stop this dose and i haven't been on the new dose long enough to let it even out#can i not just Not have to do another uncomfortable visit where even if things turn out okay after#i later feel like I'm still not being wholly trusted/treated like i know my body and how i feel#i had worse side effects restarting this med months ago and we didn't have any additional visits for that#they fucking forgot to even book me for a f/u and i had to call in and beg for one basically#and then they misbooked it for the wrong reason and with the wrong doctor#and made it out like it was my fault when i made clear i begged and told the receptionist i spoke to to book said appt#that it needed to b with my doc for the Lamotrigine and that i hadn't been told when to follow up so i was just. doing it#bc she said i needed to but then didn't say when to book it#they're trying hard and im trying to give them grace but then this shit happens and like#im tired. makes me want to go into my new doc like nah never mind im fine. don't ask me nothing and i won't bug you with anything#unless im dying or nearly dead already.#would suck beyond believe attempting to raw dog life mostly again but goddamn. im so sick of this lack of stability with my care#anyway. probably an appt next Tuesday which is great#that's the week of the weekend that i work again and the week before my bday#(a bday I'll be working now which I'm not normally irked abt but. i am a bit rn)#so cool. yeah. let's stack anxiety and fear over a medical appt on top of everything else for that week#and that's not counting that this weekend I've been tasked with buying and getting signed a v expensive and rare figure#for my mum's bf and I'm kind of terrified im gonna fuck it up#he paid for tickets to the con the figure will be sold at and that the person he wants to sign it will be at#so if i fuck this up he'll want (understandably) to be paid back asap for that#and that's money i don't fucking have rn#i really wish she had waited till the actual day proper to contact me bc i couldn't sleep before this#and now i definitely cant bc like#it's dumb. but what if she takes my med away. it isn't perfect but it works better than any other med I've tried#what if she wants me to try a new one. i cant do that and b dealing with major side effects during the intense work schedule#that'll be happening for me v soon and then into November
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the experience i've had at my lab has been so mentally exhausting that im genuinely considering leaving research and going to corporate once i graduate lmao
#not that corporate is any better obviously#but i go back on tuesday and the thought of it is already making me want to k**l myself#i miss my old lab so much...
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I feel so depressed for no reason. I don't know what to do. I feel like I've tried everything.
#i think talking with my psychiatrist put me in a worse mood#i was like on the verge of tears while talking to her#she said that she would have hoped that the new med im on would have started to make a difference by now#she also said that i always present myself the same way when i come into her office. apparently im distant and withdrawn#i try so hard to open up but im just so bad at putting how i feel into words#she said i never report feeling any better. which isnt even true but i also just havent been feeling much improvement lately#i feel like i do acknowledge the improvement i've made#like she has seen me at my lowest. she literally sent me to the hospital in june. then she was my doctor while i was in the hospital too#idk#i think im just like getting burnt out from all this therapy. ive been in higher levels of care (inpatient/residential/php/iop) since may#i just don't want to do anything. even things i have enjoyed in the past or have always wanted to do#im going to spain with my family on tuesday but i so just dont want to go even though ive wanted to go to spain for a long time#this kind of reminds me of when i wasnt looking forward to the taylor swift concert or my 21st bday#and that was because i was so suicidal. i worry that's how im going to feel again#i felt like i couldnt keep getting through each day which i feel now too#but i guess my suicidal thoughts are less constant and intense now even though they are still chronic#i remember that i literally could not focus on anything because my mind would just wander to thoughts about hurting myself#i remember the constant thoughts and urges...
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If there's one food Khare absolutely hates, it's porridge. Back at the facility, it was the only thing test subjects were given to eat which, while nutritious enough in the short term, was bland and tasteless since it was served plain. As she mutated, Khare stopped eating since she was able to stave off hunger as well as the effects of being drugged since it was slipped into their food, allowing her to maintain enough cognitive function to lay out a solid escape plan.
#🌈 || musings#🌈 || headcanons#drugging tw#drugging cw#She won't scream and cry when she sees the stuff but man does it bring back bad memories#Since it was all she ate during those long horrible months#Not even any sugar or fruits to make it slightly palatable#It started making her sick after a while but that was due to the mutation#Since she couldn't absorb any nutrients from it#Started to crave meat big time which was an additional motivation to escape#I vegged out for a few hours this evening I'm sorry#Did get some writing done but oof#I will try better tomorrow since it's only a few working hours and another day off Wednesday#Happy Monday everyone!#Or Tuesday rather
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one of the worst things i have ever done in the name of art is decide that the final monologue would be in poorly written dutch and then have to translate that into English and then decide how you’re going to display this bc its way too much dutch for the little footnotes you have been including when a character does use a dutch word but also you also like,, need to translate this into english so now you have an appendix and that's way too fancy but it's still in Dutch and you still need to put it in English and it's not even hard Dutch like its basic yet your head hurts still looking at it even though you know what you did and what you wrote and words are hard and you simultaniously know and don't know and this long ramble is exactly how your brain was operating at the time so yay. me.
#and before you wonder why it's in dutch i'll tell you the worse my dutch is the better my point comes across#its meant to represent the moment where you have been hurt badly and you struggle to understand your feelings about it#so yea literally the worse it is the better the point of “i don't understand how i feel right now and i can't express it” comes across#anyways yeah felt wrong. hated doing it. but it had to be done.#i feel bad for whomestever has to perform merel in any form#bc if the two page monologue i wrote in a previous work isnt enough. bc lbr thats evil.#like I look at that monologue and go. oh. oh boy thats intimidating#if you have been here a while you know what i mean#i think this may be worse even though its shorter#purely bc its written in my poor dutch#at LEAST theres no monologue in goud that makes me go 'the convincingness of this character relies on this monologue's delivery'#at least not for merel . maybe for anne-fleur#but eh write the monologues that if i was asked to perform would make me shit twenty two bricks yeah whatever#also like i know een beetje nederlands i may as well use it or try no matter how shit it is thats why its in my brain#this makes it seem impressive. its not. its really basic. which is again the point#and it confuses merel to no end#bc like writing is her thing! so to suddenly not ge able to write emotions and simply be like ‘im angry’ would indeed be shocking#if you read it u would see what i mean#dagboek (english version) is the new taylor's version and we fight at dawn.#at least maybe i know tuesday in dutch. maybe. we will see. i mix her and thursday up#dutch language found dead
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We've officially reached the 'too demotivated and drained to bother to go to class' part of the semester. Awesome
#if it wasn't for the strike I'd just go home on tuesday morning#because i don't want to miss too many korean sessions because we can't be absent more often than 4 times#but i don't plan on going to my monday and tuesday classes#and thursday is a holiday so that class is canceled and i am willing to miss wednesday's korean class if it means getting to#see my dog a day earlier#but alas i cannot#because no trains and shit#also my friend asked me if i wanted to join for drinks sometime this week(end) and i desperately need new friends#(i.e. i don't want to turn down invitations from people i don't hang out with often because i basically am getting#actively excluded from my other friends' activities (literally. if you don't want me around it's literally fine. just don't fucking act#like you do. i hate it here lmao)#no but that friend was like 'I'll always invite you' and damn i LOVE to hear it because the others apparently hate having me around#(again. fair enough. I'm not particularly outgoing or fun so i get it. i just don't want to make any effort there anymore so i kinda need#to make an effort with other people? because i really like her and all but i also don't feel like going out#and would much rather go home see my dogs- but if i turn down too many invitations she'll stop inviting me#which is only logical- idk i don't really want to have to have friends anymore#i just know life is better when i spend time with people sometimes and have someone to get through university hell with#anyway. i don't wanna go to class anymore and i really don't wanna do this degree anymore and i actually do not#want to go to korea but i have to because it's my only chance but it makes me want to kill myself but also not doing it would make me want#to kill myself so i don't really have anything going for me there#void screams
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after today, i feel that i might not be very active till friday evening bc man… packing is much harder than i thought it would be
#i feel very proud of the progress i made but whether it’s executive dysfunction or adhd that makes accomplishing tasks hard i dunno#all i know is that with my sister’s help i packed the second half of my clothing within minutes instead of an hour or more#doing something as involved as sorting through all my stuff without being distracted is just so challenging#and it’s not even a thing of motivation really?? bc i wanna get this done so i can relax#it’s just so difficult to actually/do it/ and i get so intimidated too looking at all my stuff#i start to get a big case of ‘i can’t make a decision bc there’s too many options/bc i’m overwhelmed’#i’m sorry i’m rambling about this!! it’s just days like today that make me very aware that something that’s easy for others to do#is hard for me and i’m bothered bc i still don’t know for certainty what’s up with me so i don’t really know#how to fix it or work around it#but lemme be quiet before these tags get any longer uvu#i really hope you’ve had a lovely tuesday and i wish you an even better wednesday!!#get ready to ramble | ooc#tbd
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the accountant at work was telling me today that he used to work at a place where they had a "business meeting" every friday and then eventually they said what it actually was and it was just a meeting where they talked footy
#goals#that's so something rob would do#but just it reminds me of the 'tuesday meeting' episode of new girl#men are weird#men in workplaces are just strange#there's like one guy at my work who makes sure the men's toilet has enough toilet paper in it and he was on annual leave this week#and none of the guys ever asked me where the toilet paper was kept but i did wonder....#so when i emptied the bins i peeked inside their toilet and the toilet paper was almost out#and there was a roll of paper towel on the shelf#like the paper towel isn't soft like the toilet paper#i mean just#boys amirite#they're just like 'oh no more toilet paper guess we better use paper towel that's fine'#i just#like surely they'd think to ASK???? if there's any more toilet paper???????#actually to be fair i haven't checked the stocks of toilet paper hm that's my job to order more#oh also the guy who was on annual leave was the only one drinking milk so there's expired milk in the fridge#no one else drinks milk???????#odd#but yeah
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