#it is 1am as I have finished this but this post will be scheduled to post at a more reasonable time <3 hello future

[meymeyzart]

morning tatsurinne doodles for a late valentine’s day aharh....

(click for higher quality!)

[gremlin-girly]

Kinktober Day 9

Kink: Somnophilia

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x f!reader

Tags/Warnings:  SMUT, Somnophilia, established relationship, petnames (doll, baby), p-in-v, f masterbation (brief), vaginal fingering, creampie, sex dreams (not in depth but mentioned)

Word Count: 1.6k

Summary: You always tell Bucky to wake you up when he comes back from missions but you never specified how.

As always I do not give permission for my work to be reposted, translated or copied. My warnings are non-exhaustive (even though I do try to capture everything) but please read at your own risk. I am not responsible for your content consumption.

I hope you enjoy; comments, likes and reblogs are always welcome!

A/N: I know, I know. I'm late. Apologies. I'm going back to my home country for my birthday this week and I'm trying to get all of my uploads scheduled! So, I have the last few from last week to upload and then next week there will be a LOT of posts haha - Love Grem x

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Bucky had been on back to back missions, and although you insisted on him waking you up so you could make him food or cuddle him, he'd declined. He hadn’t wanted to ruin a good night's sleep for you; he knew how precious that was.

"Buck, I promise I'm okay with you coming to bed after a mission. I don't care if you wake me." You'd argued with him before he left again. You had been adamant about him not sleeping on the floor or sofa in fear of waking you up. You much preferred waking up to his pretty face than an empty bed.

"We'll see, doll." Bucky sighed, pecking your lips quickly as he headed out the door. "Love you."

"Love you."

When the door closes behind him you sigh to yourself. Maybe one day you'll manage to convince him.

Two days before Bucky was scheduled back you lay awake in bed, vibrator on your clit, dreaming of your boyfriend being home.

Every time he was away you missed him terribly and it didn't take long for you to cum to the thought of him more than once (although nothing would compare to the real thing). Your pyjamas and panties are lost to the sheets, a wave of tiredness washing over you as you clean up your vibe and wash your hands with strategically placed wet wipes.

You roll onto your back and stretch. You couldn't be bothered to make an attempt to find your panties. You were doomed to your fate of being pantyless, sprawled on your bed, wishing your boyfriend were home.

Your eyes flutter, heavy with sleep. Bucky'd be home soon. Maybe you should propose the idea of waking you up with sex. You make a hum of contentment to yourself. Maybe you will. But then again, any kind of sex with Bucky is sex you want to be having.

Bucky and sex with Bucky are still on the forefront of your mind as you drift to sleep.

Bucky's mission finished two and a half days early.

His plan was to get home to you as soon as possible, flowers in hand as always. Due to delays it wasn't until past 1am that he managed to get through the door.

He dumped his bags and gently placed the flowers on the dining table. You had already gone to bed so he would have to wait until tomorrow to surprise you with them. Bucky scanned the quiet apartment whilst Alpine brushed up against his legs.

He looked to the sofa then to your bedroom door. Alpine mewled haughtily; every time he came home he'd fall asleep with her on the sofa but tonight it was different. He thought about what you said before he left. How you said it every time.

Wake me up when you come home.

With a pat to Alpine’s head, Bucky padded to the bedroom quietly. The door whined on it hinges as he pushed it open, but as he slinked through he could just about see you through the light in the curtains.

Bucky took in your sleeping form; tangled in the sheets and sprawled out almost entirely on the bed. You looked so peaceful. Not even close to elegant but peaceful and it brought a smile to Bucky’s face.

Then you huff and murmur his name. Bucky inches forward, thinking you've woken up. There's a miniscule amount of guilt but the thought of seeing you beam up at him quickly replaced it. But you don't open your eyes. You shift in the sheets, moving your hips upward and kicking the comforter further down your body.

You're so pliable in this state, relaxed and soft. Bucky only needs to tap your knee outward gently for you to spread your legs wide for him. You're wearing nothing but a cropped shirt that barely covers your tits. Bucky's eyes scan the covers and find your pyjama shorts and panties discarded in the covers; clearly you had some fun before falling asleep. He bites back a chuckle and looks back to you. He shouldn't, he really shouldn't, but you look so good right now he can't help himself. Didn't you say you wouldn't mind being woken up by him? You didn't specify how.

Bucky traces the insides of your thighs, curious if you'd stir. You shift slightly and hum in your sleep but you don't wake up. Bucky releases a breath he didn't realise he was holding, and runs a finger along your still glistening folds experimentally. This time you let out a breathless whimper and spread your legs even further.

Watching you mewl under his touch even when you're asleep makes his cock ache. He shifts closer to you, sitting between your legs for a better reach of your wet folds, his thumb finding your clit easily. The noises you made when his thumb brushed over your already sensitive nub had his free hand freeing his hard cock almost immediately. You writhed beneath him limply, your legs making lazy, half hearted attempts to close, but Bucky's broad body was in the way.

"Look at you, doll." Bucky huffed quietly, pumping his cock as a finger slipped inside of your eager pussy, making you cry out Bucky's name quietly. "Bein' so good for me even while you sleep."

Bucky adds a second finger shortly after, stretching you open. You were already so wet you probably didn't need it but Bucky was adamant to ensure you woke up to only pleasure. He can feel you clench around his fingers, your gently, sleepy gasps coming more rapidly. You were going to cum so quickly and easily around his fingers, dreaming of him no less.

Bucky removes his fingers from your pussy and you whine quietly in complaint. He gathers slick from your folds, running the tip of his cock teasingly up and down, and biting back his own loud groan. You feel ridiculously silky and wet but the thought of you waking up with him buried inside you has Bucky’s cock twitch against your clit. He lines himself with your entrance and slowly pushes into you, watching your face as he does.

Your eyes flutter briefly, and Bucky’s hands come up to cup your face in the almost-darkness. When his cock reaches its hilt he tries to groan quietly; your pussy flutters and clenches him, still desperate for more.

"Bucky." You huff, head turning into his palm. Your eyes flutter again and you have the familiar toe curling feeling brewing at your core and the feeling of being filled to the brim.

"Yeah, doll?" Bucky murmurs, pressing soft kisses to your cheek. He moves his hips slowly, almost taking care not to move to hard too fast, although he's desperate to cum.

Your eyes flutter again but this time they stay open. It takes you a minute to register waking up from the sex dream you were having, eyes adjusting to the darkness around you. The weight on top of you, inside you, makes your pussy clench when you recognise your boyfriend's aftershave. Your eyes are like dinnerplates in the darkness but you can see the rise and fall of Bucky's chest, and just about make out the blue of his eyes looking back at you.

You lick your lips as you feel his cock throb inside you, wrapping your arms around his neck and tugging him closer to capture his lips in a sleepy kiss.

"Welcome home, baby." You mumble, wrapping your legs around his waist a little tighter. Bucky sinks back further into your pussy as he kisses your face, and this time you moan a little louder.

"'M sorry for waking you." He says, thrusts getting quicker. You're awake now, there's no reason for him to hold back. You're body is wide awake, ripping you from your sleep state and throwing you over to pleasure.

"'S okay," you pant out, your grip on his is still lazy and sleepy, but your body feels like it's on fire as he fucks into you mercilessly. Your first orgasm rips through you quickly, too sensitive from Bucky's teasing and your earlier me-time to withstand the pleasure Bucky is giving you. Your cry out his name with a whimper, turning to gasps of ecstasy as you cum over his cock and he smiles against your neck whispering praises as your cunt milks him. Bucky cums after your second orgasm, your pussy fluttering around his cock too much for him to bare. His thrusts slow ensuring he's filled you to the brim with his cum before stopping entirely to relish the state you're both in.

Panting together, Bucky rolls off you slowly, and you huff at the loss of heat on top of you.

"You okay?" He murmurs, wrapping his flesh arm around your waist. He snuggles in close, pressing kisses to your shoulder. You chuckle turning to him and pressing a kiss to his nose.

"Better than okay." You sigh dreamily. "I wanna wake up to that all the time."

Bucky snorts gently. "I'll keep that in mind, doll."

"I'm glad you're back and that you came and woke me up." You smile and cuddle closer into his arms. As you're settling next to him, your eyelids begin to droop, getting heavy again.

"So am I," Bucky says, yawning loudly clearly feeling the same unstoppable have of tiredness. Travelling home and fucking in the same night after a long mission meant he'd be sleeping well tonight.

You hum happily. "Love you."

"Love you, doll."

Wrapped in each other's arms you both fall asleep quickly, waking up the next to one another the following day and repeating the night's activities.

[junkissed]

late night talking

member — minghao x f reader genre — angst, idk if there's enough fluff for this to count as hurt/comfort but the ending is sort of happy ? word count — 2.1k synopsis — the best and worst conversations always happen at 1am. warnings — reader is very drunk and very very insecure, lots of crying, lots of internal back & forth, unreliable narrator moment, refers to reader as girlfriend/my girl/etc., idk if i'm missing anything else but lmk if i am notes — this is an old fic that i never really intended to be released but @onlymingyus and @wooahaeproductions convinced me otherwise. sorry this is not at all what i normally post lmao i swear don't write like this often i just found this in my drive that i wrote when i was in a very shitty mood. we will return to your regularly scheduled smut programming soon i promise lmao! leave a comment in the reblogs or send an ask if you enjoyed this? idk i am nervous to post this pls don't perceive me too much

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you're ugly when you're drunk.

“hao?”

your voice rings throughout the house, the sound shaky and quieter than usual.

he wouldn't even have known you were home if he hadn't heard your friend's car pull up minutes ago, bright headlights flashing through the bedroom window. he wouldn't have known, if he wasn't already worried sick at you being gone so long and consuming an unknown amount of alcohol. he should've been there with you, but too much was riding on the deadline for his students’ grades that had to be finished before midnight. any other day he would've been by your side the whole night, a steady hand on your arm for balance and a sharp eye on your glass just in case. he loves playing the role of protective boyfriend, letting his girl do whatever she wants because he'll always be there to watch over her. but he couldn't do that tonight, and it tears him up inside.

he hears your trudging footsteps down the hall, soft footfalls signalling your approach as you drag yourself towards the room. he pretends not to hear; he doesn't want to make a big deal out of this and embarrass you.

“you're home early,” he comments with a chuckle, but his sarcasm is lost on you in this state. it's well after 1 in the morning, and you tilt your head in confusion at his words, brows deeply furrowed.

“what— are you working on?” you ask after a moment, focusing all your energy on not stumbling over your words. 

you know how drunk you are, he knows how drunk you are, but even now you're still putting on an act. you hate feeling stupid in front of him, and right now you couldn't feel any stupider. the worst part is that you feel as stupid when you're sober as you do right now, but you couldn't tell him that.

he pauses, choosing his next words carefully as he surveys your current state. he can't risk hurting your feelings, especially in such a vulnerable headspace.

“grading finals,” he decides on. not too detailed to confuse you, not too simplified to make you feel stupid, just enough to make you feel involved.

distantly you feel your eyes welling up with tears. you don't know why, but at the same time you know exactly why. you're never good enough compared to him, not when you come home drunk in the dead of night, and he never does. not when he's so good at everything he touches, so talented and beautiful and perfect, and you're… not. 

he deserves someone at his level, an artistic genius like him who can help him with his work. someone with an eye for his paintings, someone smarter, someone prettier, someone who can keep him on his toes. someone who won't drag him down and burden him with your obvious lack of skill and your quality of being so embarrassingly lightweight that you need to be supervised at all times. 

“i’m sorry,” you finally muster. you can't find the words to explain what you mean, but you hope he's able to sense your sincerity.

“what for?” he asks. his voice is softer now. 

you hate it when he uses that voice. he's talking down to you, talking like you're a child and he has to explain everything to you in the gentlest way possible because you aren't capable of handling the truth.

you love when he uses that voice. sometimes he can be so blunt it almost feels isolating, but when he talks to you like you're a child in that sweet, gentle, kind tone you feel like everything will be okay. he can soften himself for you, drop his straightforward persona around you and be the tender man you know he's capable of being. 

you lift your eyes to his computer screen and the feelings you've been struggling with float back into view. “i'm sorry,” you repeat, voice cracking despite the effort you put in to stop it from breaking. it's all you can say.

you don't notice when the tears overflow, bursting from your eyes without a sound. you're embarrassing, you're an idiot, standing in front of him with red eyes and hunched shoulders as tears stream down your cheeks. you don't even feel them fall.

if he knows what you're trying to convey with your tearful apologies, he doesn't mention it. 

of course he knows, how could he not when he's so astute with everything? you suck at keeping things to yourself. 

of course he doesn't know, why would he take the time out of his busy schedule to care about how you're feeling? you're not worth his energy.

the moment seems to stretch on for eternity, standing in front of him. you don't know why you started dating in the first place; he doesn't have the time, you're too annoying, too clingy, too affectionate. standing in front of him, you don't feel anything. you just feel cold.

you turn to drag yourself out of the room, deciding that you've embarrassed yourself enough by now. you don't know where you'll go or what you're doing, probably to pour yourself a glass of water and try to sleep on the couch. obviously he won't want you to sleep in his bed when you’re like this, why should he? you aren’t deserving of that privilege.

but then you feel a warm hand on your wrist, gently tugging you back towards him. you lose your balance, stumble over your feet, fall onto his lap. you're mortified, barely able to get another “sorry” out before trying to stand again on wobbly legs. you shouldn't be here. you're so aware, so painfully conscious of your weight on him, every ounce of energy you have left fighting to keep yourself from annoying him even further but it feels like it's too late. everything that comes from you is too little, too late.

“no,” he says. his tone is still that soft, sweet sound, but his voice is firm and you don't try to get up again. “we can talk tomorrow,” he says as he begins to run his hand along your back, and you hate yourself for the way you instantly melt at his touch. “just… relax. calm down.”

your body slouches against his chest, feeling like a puddle on his lap, head tucked into the crook of his neck whether you meant to or not. your legs dangle limply off his lap, arms wrapped loosely around the back of his chair as he holds you.

“it's okay,” he says simply, still stroking his hand along your back in small, soothing motions. “it's okay.” he repeats the words, maybe to convince himself but mostly to convince you from having a breakdown. even now when he's treating you so delicately, your brain won't let you rest: he's probably scared of you, he doesn't mean it, he doesn't mean any of it and he's using whatever means necessary to stop you from turning hysterical or even violent. of course it doesn't mean anything to him. 

“how much did you drink tonight, baby?” he asks, and you know you should take that as judgmental but you don't have the energy left anymore. you don't note the twinge of concern in his voice, you can't see the look in his eyes as he gazes down at you.

“a little— a lot,” you answer, somewhat truthfully. the real truth is that you lost count. you weren't trying to get drunk, but one turned into two turned into ten and before you even knew what you were doing a car was dropping you off in front of your house.

he shifts his legs for you to sit more comfortably on his lap, and as much as you want to fight it you don't have the strength to. “do you want to go to bed?” he asks gently. “or do you want to stay up with me?”

“don't… want you to go to bed ‘cuz of me,” you mumble against his neck. god, his skin is so soft and warm. you couldn't move your body right now even if you tried. “not your fault.”

“what kind of guy would i be if i didn't take care of my girlfriend when she needs me?” he asks. “i can put you to bed if you want. it's alright. it's late anyway.”

“it's not– your job,” you manage to reply, and his hand on your back stops for a second.

“it is my job,” he says softly. he tucks a piece of hair behind your ear. “i'm sorry if you feel like i haven't done that.”

“please, don't— no sorry,” you choke out as fresh tears prick at your eyes. “it's my fault. i'm sorry. it's my fault.”

he holds you tighter, both arms wrapped around you on his lap now. “it's not your fault,” he says in that same firm but gentle voice. “you haven't done anything wrong at all. it's alright, baby, i promise. you don't have anything to worry about. why are you sorry?”

“i don't know,” you mumble. your hand clutches at his chest unconsciously, balling his t-shirt in your fist. “i dunno. i love you. i dunno.”

“i love you, too,” he says after a beat. the tears, the drunken outburst, he just lets it all happen. without a word of complaint. despite the voices in your head fighting to convince you otherwise, he never says a single negative thing to you.

you know he's not normally like this. with everyone else he's polite, unemotional, reserved. he's never vulnerable. which is why you're so confused right now.

“why?” you slur, still grasping onto hope.

he hums in questioning, nudging you to elaborate.

“why are you like this to me?”

but now he's the one who's confused. “like what?”

you pause, and the room goes quiet for a moment, the only sound your shallow breaths against his chest. “nice.”

for all his knowledge, this time he's actually lost. “why would i not be nice to you?”

“i don't deserve it.”

he shifts again, pulling you closer to his chest as he starts to run his fingers through his hair. “of course you do, baby.”

“you don't deserve me.”

he stops again, this time in shock. “hey. that's not true.”

“is too true,” you say. your eyes are closed and you can't help the frown overtaking your face. “you should have somebody you deserve. it's not me.”

he just sighs, and you feel his chest expand beneath your cheek at the deep breath he takes. “i love you, baby. not anyone else. you'll feel better in the morning, and we can talk then. but i'm not mad at you, okay? there's nothing wrong. everything's okay.”

you try to mimic his sigh, but the angle you're laying at on his chest and the alcohol in your system makes it hard to breathe deeply. 

“do you want to keep sitting with me?” he asks. he knows how much you like the sounds his keyboard makes, the quiet tapping as he enters grades and types comments to his students about things you could never fathom to understand.

your eyes stay closed and your head doesn't move. “yeah,” you murmur softly.

he settles back into his chair, you curled up on his lap. he's not doing much, he's finished the worst of it and now just entering numbers. he glances down at your figure, almost asleep on him, and he feels an ache in his chest. 

every emotion feels amplified to you right now, but if it took getting blackout drunk for you to finally say it then it must've been weighing on you for a long time coming. he wonders how long you've felt like this, felt inadequate compared to him, and it makes him pause. it was never his intention. when you're awake and sober and hopefully not massively hungover, then you can talk, and he can make this right.

he loves the person snuggled against his chest, loves the feeling of you comforted and protected by him, and he'll do anything to make sure you know that. he'll do anything to let you see yourself the way he sees you. above all the worries he has about you, he knows one thing for sure.

you're cute when you're drunk.

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[melancholy-of-nadia]

Thursday Night (m) | jjk

title: Thursday Night (Boba & Ride) pairing: jungkook x f. reader rating/genre: m ; smut ; SEVEN alt. AU, college / university au, friends to lovers summary: Just another day of Jeon Jungkook waking you up in the middle of the night to get boba tea with him across town at your favorite late-night spot, Pekoe. Turns out, this is not just another nightly outing to get boba, but also a chance for the two of you to finally get out of this sexually-charged friend-zone and fuck in his Mercedes Benz G-Wagon. warnings:  car sex, vaginal fingering, edging, multiple orgasms, breast play, nipple licking, unprotected sex (well, reader is on the pill), RIDING, slight choking, creampie, body worship, Jungkook is wearing SWEATS, implied that jk vapes, awkward positions in the car bc they are HORNY and don’t care note: okay, so i originally wrote the first part of the wholesome boba date a year ago after Left & Right came out (and made it kinda based on my late night boba runs with friends in college pre-pandemic). But I never finished it, until Seven came out a few days ago and SUDDENLY I WENT BACK TO THIS AND DID A 180 AND SLAMMED SOME SMUT ON IT. VERY SPICY. Thank you for the whore thoughts, Jungkook. Thank you @daegudrama for editing and fixing the messy smut. Stream Seven!! and FEEDBACK & Comments are much appreciated !!

total word count: 4.5k drop date: july 17th, 2023, 10:30am PST CROSS POSTED ON AO3 (honeyjamjoon is my user on there) - -

Dozing off slowly as your mind wanders through the stages of sleep to reach REM, you’re suddenly interrupted by a distant ringing sound in the distance.

It sounds like… your phone? You recognize the familiar “Shooky Shooky” theme song of your favorite cartoon cookie and his 7 pals you set as a ringtone weeks ago.

Waking up with eyes still heavy from sleep, you reach your hand out to grab your phone from your bedside dresser. You squint at the bright screen seeing who the random caller is that is getting in the way of your slumber before you wake up later for another dreaded day of uni classes..

Jeon Jungkook. 

Of course it was him, you think. He’s the friend you made at the beginning of the semester in your Japanese class, where he found out that both of you took the class to be able to watch anime without subtitles. Just a pair of total weebs.

Then you kept running into him at university club events, specifically the Korean Student Association Curry & Karaoke night where both of you fangirled (fanboyed?) over IU and spent an entire night singing her discography while taking soju shots together. At this point, you knew he was just destined to be your bestie for life.

However, Jungkook has a terrible sleep schedule where he sometimes stays up until crackhead hours to do random things like late night drives (yes, he is paying the ridiculous parking permit fee to have his car on campus). He had previously invited you to get some In-N-Out with him and his upperclassmen friend Namjoon which resulted in a late night drive where you ended up on top of a mountain about 40 minutes away from campus at 1am.

While the view of the city down below was nice, you couldn’t stop freaking out about how to get back to your uni with the terrible data reception showing no map directions. Namjoon did his best to help you remain calm from a pending panic attack while Jungkook giggled, but reassured you that everything would be fine and he would figure it out. And he did. Never had you been so glad to be back on campus with some leftover animal style fries in hand.

Not many drives with Jungkook were that adventurous, but they were all late at night. Which you didn’t like due to the fact that you liked to sleep early and wake up early for your morning classes. Very contrasting dynamics being best friends with a night owl.

You answer the phone in a raspy, sleepy voice, “Hey Jungkook, what’s up.”

 “Hey— were you asleep? Sorry, I was going to ask if you wanted to hang out and get some boba, but—”

“NO!” You answer immediately. “I was taking a power nap, I AM UP! I WILL GO GET BOBA WITH YOU!”

Your voice is suddenly loud with excitement through Jungkook’s phone speaker. You’re glad you live in a single room in your 4 bedroom dorm apartment where loud sounds aren’t as easily heard by your roommates.

 “REALLY? OKAY! Let’s meet in front of my dorm building. I’ll see you in a bit.”

Boba will really get you to do anything, especially when it might be the spot Jungkook loves to take you to that is across town. It closes at 1:30am and also has a club-like aesthetic where a lot of people go to hang out at night. There are gaming consoles and a pool table, but the drinks are sadly non-alcoholic. Still good though.

 Wearing a black hoodie and your old black volleyball shorts, you head out to the front of the building next door where you find Jungkook sitting on a bench under a streetlight’s glow. He is wearing a black t-shirt and jacket, contrasting his white pants. 

 He looks good, you think as you walk up to him. He’s texting someone before he looks up at you.

 “So are we getting boba or should I head back to sleep?” You giggle pointing to the parking lot to signal him to get up from the bench.

 “Oh, we’re getting boba for sure and you won’t be sleeping anytime soon.” He speaks starting to head towards his black Mercedes-Benz G-Wagon in the parking lot while you follow behind him. Suspicious phrasing, but you brush it off. You have a dirty mind after all.

 “So, we’re going where exactly?” "Pekoe! My favorite boba spot in town," Jungkook replies with a mischievous grin. "I've been craving their Taro Taro. It's like drinking a purple cloud!" He exclaims excitedly. 

 You laugh at his description, knowing he has a knack for making even the simplest things sound exciting. As you hop into the passenger seat of his car, you fasten your seatbelt.  "And what about you? What's your drink choice tonight?"

 He glances at you, his eyes sparkling with amusement. 

 "Well tonight, I'm getting my fav from there! Pretty in Pink! Jasmine milk tea with strawberry sounds like the perfect combination of sweet and floral."

He nods in approval. It was just another testament to how well you knew each other's preferences. The car roars to life as Jungkook starts the engine, the soft purr resonating through the vehicle. I love being the passenger princess when Jungkook is driving.

As the two of you drive through the city streets, the night envelopes you in a sense of tranquility. The familiar sights pass by, but tonight they seem different. There is an undercurrent of excitement, a subtle shift in the air that mirrors the budding emotions in your heart.

Jungkook, always one to fill the silence, begins cracking jokes and making silly comments, aiming to make you laugh. And laugh you do, your genuine giggles filling the car with warmth and joy. You can’t help but be drawn to his infectious laughter and the way he effortlessly brings a smile to your face.

As you approach Pekoe, the neon sign glows in the night, welcoming you to its cozy embrace. The two of you step out of the car, the scent of freshly brewed tea swirling around you. Inside, the ambiance is lively, with people chatting, sipping their drinks, and enjoying each other's company.

You join the line, eagerly waiting for your turn to order. As you reach the counter, the friendly barista takes your requests, preparing the Taro Taro and Pretty in Pink with skillful hands. The drinks are handed to you in their signature, vibrantly lit cups, and you can't help but admire the aesthetic.

With your boba in hand, you find a cozy corner in the café, settling into plush seats. The first sip of your Pretty in Pink sends a burst of flavors dancing on your tongue, the sweet strawberry complementing the fragrant jasmine tea perfectly. Jungkook's eyes widen in delight as he takes his first sip of the Taro Taro, a satisfied smile gracing his lips.

As you sit there, enjoying your drinks and engaging in light-hearted banter, you can't ignore the subtle change in your feelings as of late. The laughter, the shared moments, and the genuine connection you have formed with Jungkook begin tugging at your heartstrings. The thought of him being more than just a best friend dances at the edges of your mind, like a gentle melody waiting to be fully embraced.

But for now, you cherish the present moment, savoring the boba and the company of the person who has become such an important part of your life. The night is young, and as you exchange playful glances with Jungkook, you can't help but wonder what other adventures await the two of you in the days and nights to come.

Leaving Pekoe behind, your boba-induced bliss carries you as Jungkook suggests going to one of your favorite lookout points—a hidden spot where you can see the entire city spread out below. The mere thought of it ignites a sense of anticipation within you, and you nod eagerly in agreement.

Driving through the winding roads, the city lights twinkling like a sea of stars, the atmosphere inside the car begins to shift. A subtle, sensually charged energy envelopes the space, like an unspoken understanding between two souls on the precipice of something new.

As you arrive at the lookout point, Jungkook parks the car, and you both stay inside, cocooning yourselves in the comfortable silence that only close friends can share. The dimly lit interior creates an intimate ambiance, casting soft shadows across Jungkook's face, and highlighting his features in a way that makes your heart skip a beat.

 Leaning back against the seat, you gaze out at the breathtaking view before you. The cityscape stretched out like a living breathing entity, its pulsating energy matching the intensity of the emotions brewing inside you.

 The silence between you feels charged with unspoken desires, the air thick with anticipation. You steal glances at Jungkook, his eyes fixed on the mesmerizing city lights. The soft glow plays on his features, highlighting the curve of his lips and the gentle slope of his jawline. In moments like these, you can't help but admire the kindness that resides within him.

 Lost in your thoughts, you feel a gentle brush of Jungkook's hand against yours, sending a jolt of electricity through your veins. The touch was innocent, yet it carries an unspoken invitation, daring you to explore the uncharted territories of your friendship.

You turn to him, your eyes meeting in a silent conversation that spoke volumes. The unspoken question hangs heavy in the air, begging to be acknowledged. With a hesitant yet determined smile, you reach out, intertwining your fingers with his, intertwining your destinies in that single act.

The connection between you deepens as time seems to stand still. His touch sends a rush of warmth coursing through your body, awakening a dormant desire that had been slowly bubbling beneath the surface. The intensity of the moment was undeniable, drawing you closer, your hearts beating in sync.

Neither of you speaks a word, for words seem inadequate to capture the raw emotions coursing through your veins. Instead, you find solace in the silence, in the electric current that flows between you, igniting a flame that burns brighter with every passing second.

As time passes, your relationship with Jungkook was left to simmer and reduce to being only friends. Holding his flirty gazes or even his hands has become part of the fun. A challenge of sorts.

Despite that, there will still come a point where you will finally lose your footing and can no longer stand your ground. You just can’t just be friends with Jungkook, and neither can he.

“I really want to kiss you right now,” He says, refastening his gaze on you.

“You should,” you say, without blinking. This is the moment you’ve been waiting for. Crossing the line you’ve been afraid to cross with him.

The lump in your throat twitches, but he reaches over from the driver seat and caresses your jaw with his hand anyways. Determining again to hold his stare, you stroke his cheek with your thumb. But his eyes close on their own as his lips move unhurriedly towards yours, they’re as soft as his approach.

At this moment, it may have seemed like you were hesitating, uncertain in this newfound situation, but in fact, it was quite the opposite. Since you two can’t stay here forever – returning to campus is rather inevitable – the lightness in his tread is completely deliberate. You both want, no, need to savor every millisecond.

You feel the heave of his exhale when he kisses you with a little more intensity. Cupping his face in both of your hands, you feel your pulse drop aggressively into your pelvis and fall further in towards him. Your hands snake back behind his head and grasp his hair to pull his face closer to yours. Your lips only part briefly to make room for your tongues to slip back and forth.

Jungkook grasps a handful of your hair and cranes your neck back while simultaneously pulling your body in closer. Jungkook's lips trailed a path of featherlight kisses along your neck, his touch sending shivers cascading down your spine, igniting a symphony of tingling sensations that left them craving for more. He pulls away quickly, greedily drinking in the stale cold air like he has forgotten to breathe that whole time. His eyes follow the trail of his fingers as he thumbs the bare skin of your outer thigh.

“I always like seeing you dress casually, in your cute shorts and oversized hoodies.”

You follow his gaze and smile. “It’s what I feel most comfortable with. But I don’t let many people see me like this because I look so bummy.”

Jungkook looks up once again to meet your eyes and mirrors your smile back to you. “But you still look so beautiful.”

In unison, both your lips draw back together. Without breaking your chain of kisses, you climb over to the driver’s seat to straddle him. Your restricted position prevents you from feeling his likely erection hiding underneath his sweatpants to press against you. But you are actually too preoccupied with devouring him through the kisses to worry about that yet.

His hands move down the length of your torso past your waist, over your shorts, onto your thighs. He slips one hand under your oversized hoodie, cupping your ass and giving it a gentle squeeze. Your hips swivel and thrust towards him, causing the top of your head to rub against the ceiling of his G-Wagon.

“At this rate, I am definitely going to look like a hot mess when we go back,” You say, feeling around for stray hairs that may have been charged with static electricity.

“Here.” Jungkook invites you to lie across the passenger’s side of the vehicle. “This might be better for you then.”

You recline slowly lifting your hips to rest your butt on the center console before lying your head on the passenger door’s armrest. Your knees fall apart to reveal your short skin-tight shorts to him. He leans over you moving between your legs and running the back of his hand up your inner thigh. Still lost in the darkness of your eyes, he rests his head on your knee and squeezes the fleshiness of your thigh. As Jungkook's fingers gently squeezed, another heat surges through your body, accompanied by a swarm of delicate butterflies fluttering in your stomach. The innocent yet electrifying touch sparked a wave of anticipation and desire, leaving you yearning for more. You also realize that even the simplest gestures from Jungkook have the power to awaken a new deep and undeniable lust within you. 

 You sit up to meet his face and kiss him again. You can taste the taro black tea boba and a slight smoky strawberry-watermelon nicotine on his tongue. Lips locked, you pull him down with you and wrap your arms around his neck. The position is awkward but stubbornly tolerated, all the same, both of you unwilling to pull apart. Both of you are like a couple of desperate teenagers fighting through the objective discomfort to exhaust every last second before curfew.

 Finally, Jungkook leans back in his seat again. You stay where you were, hoodie hiked up past your belly button and legs spread out. He uses his hands to gently pull down your shorts, like pulling away the curtain to reveal the main stage.

 Then he stops, planting that poignant gaze of his on you. A street lamp painting a streak across your torso to expose his mental photograph.

 “You really are absolutely gorgeous tonight, Bunny,” he says, which has you awestruck at this moment. 

 Bunny is the nickname he gave you a while back because you are a massive Sailor Moon fan. You both make fun of the cringey 90s dub of the show where Usagi is nicknamed Bunny. He likes to call you that when you have space buns.

 “Thank you,” You say with genuine gratitude, your knees swaying with an imaginary breeze caused by giddiness. You love how he speaks endearingly to you.

 With the back of his fingers, Jungkook gently caresses your inner thigh from knee to groin. The tingling trail he leaves in his wake triggers a shiver from the backs of your knees. He flips his hand over to fuse the warmth from his palm with the heat radiating from your vulva. Your clit is begging for attention and your your pussy clenches around the air desperate for something to fill it. Jungkook grins. You like to imagine that it’s because he too realizes all that potential he holds in the palm of his hand.

 He runs one finger along the hem of your underwear. When his hand turns around to go back the way he came, he gently slides his fingertip to the underside of the hemline rubbing the back of his finger against the skin. You lean your head back and shut your eyes, letting out a long sigh of relief.

 "I have waited so long for you to touch me like this," You whisper.

 Though yours are closed, you imagine that he never takes his intense eyes off you. He moves your panties to one side. He spreads his fingers down again over your vulva. You hear his lips smack gently as he licks his thumb. He brings his hand back down to you, gently pressing the pad of his thumb against your swollen clit. Remaining there for a moment, he faintly increases the pressure and finally begins to rub gentle circles around it.

 You feel yourself squirm in the seat, simultaneously moving closer to him and trying to pull away. Jungkook’s arm stretches out to the back to grab his Squishmallow pillow in the back seat to use as a cushion underneath you for comfort. He claims he has these pillows here since he takes naps in between classes in his car.

 Your lower back arches and your hips pressed into the cushion beneath you. But as quickly as you had been overcome with nervous tension, your body relaxed into this space, back into the seat.

 The circles turn to an up-and-down motion as you grow squirmy under the delicate burden of his touch. With two fingers on his other hand, Jungkook teases at your opening. When he finally enters, you inhale sharply in approval. His fingers are just barely inside, but it is all you need. He massages you gently from within. He slots his thumb partially inside to coat his thumb in your wetness and leads it to make persistent strokes over your clit. 

You feel yourself contract and squeeze around his fingers. He moves them in a little further, intensifying his come-hither curl deeper inside.

 A chill rises behind your ears and at the nape of your neck, heating up as it trickles down your spine toward your tailbone. One knee presses into the back of the seat as the other reaches for the dash. Tension swells in the fronts of your thighs as your heels try to dig into the seat cushion beneath him. Your hips rise, begging Jungkook to continue.

 Your breaths are craving, yet distended, and all your focus shifts inward, concentrating on the movement of his fingers, inside and out. Forgetting everything else. Really feeling it at the point of contact. Your eyes are still closed when you drink in a long inhalation, and release it with equal intention, feeling the intensity of your pleasure growing with every subsequent breath.

 “We…” Exhilaration forces the words back down your throat. Try again. “We should drive back…”

Strong thumb still resting on your clit, his other hand rises to hush you with your own wetness. “Not yet, love.” Love?! You couldn’t question the new nickname bubbling out from his lips because your mind was consumed in total stimulation. You’d talk about this sometime after, you thought.

 His burgeoning arousal was becoming more apparent in that confined space. You can hear his breath grow huskier as he resumes his rhythmic stimulation of your clit. You can smell the rising excitement dripping all over the cadence of his fingers.

 Your mouth falls open to usher forth a silent scream. Your pussy clenches around his fingers and your pulse throbs into the pad of his thumb. Your head presses back into the armrest and you worry momentarily that you might push right through the door, but your worries are wiped clean before you can finish that thought. Vision turning all white and shaky.

 Jungkook slowly slides his fingers out as your body goes limp. He leans back to watch you bask in the fallout of your body quake. Your head falls limply to one side while your body struggles to recalibrate – slowed breathing, relaxed pulse, fallen temperature, faded bliss.

 “Just truly stunning…” he repeats.

 You are caught somewhere between pleasure-induced paralysis and a voracious desire to continue and make hungry love to this man. You reach up, grab him by the collar of his shirt and pull him down towards you, forcing him to meet you at eye level.

 “Thank you,” You whisper softly into his ear. You kiss his neck, feeling the echoes of his hammering heart press into your lips.

 He breaks the kiss and rests his head on your shoulder. He shyly hides his face, hesitant to bring up his next request, “I want you to ride me. Think you could last through another orgasm?”

 You giggle at how needy he is being. “Honestly, yes.” 

 Jungkook tries to refrain himself from squealing and gets up from his position. He sits to adjust his seat back and partially slides off his sweats and boxer briefs.

 His dick is a blush shade, long and hard. “Wow…” You mindlessly speak your amusement leading him to giggle in response.

  You get up from laying on the passenger seat and climb over the center console to sit on his lap. Your lips meet in a passionate kiss yet again, while you pull his shirt off. You slide your hands slowly down his chest and abs, your small cold fingers send a shiver through his body. You lightly touch his tattooed arm, tracing each intricate design. 

 Jungkook lifts your hoodie in response to your actions and giggles upon seeing the sight underneath it. “Hehe, you’re not wearing anything under. So scandalous, Bunny,” Before you can refute his teasing, Jungkook buries his face in your breasts. 

 His soft lips slowly kiss up your cleavage to your neck. Jungkook gently sucks the sensitive spot on your neck, causing you to moan. You thread your fingers through his long black hair and tug. Jungkook winces submissively at your actions.

 “I thought you said you wanted me to ride you?” You taunt, teasing him by rubbing your wet folds along his hard dick.

Jungkook groans and grabs your hips, lifting you above him. He tugs the thin fabric of your panties to the side again before lining up his cock to your entrance and lowering you slowly onto his cock. You moan, tilting your head back in pleasure and enjoying the sensation of him filling you up.

 “Shit. You’re so tight.” Jungkook stills inside you, letting you adjust to his dick inside you.

 You experimentally lift yourself up, using his shoulders as leverage, then sink back down. Jungkook inhales sharply, biting his bottom lip as he watches you fuck yourself on his cock.  He keeps his left hand on your waist, strong fingers keeping you steady. He pushes the hoodie above your chest and massages your left breast. His tongue circles your right nipple, the sensation causing you to clench around his dick.

 “Fuck, feels so good.” he moans softly. He’s so cute, your fucked out brain thinks.

 You grab Jungkook’s hand from your left breast and slide it up to your neck, giving it a light squeeze to indicate what you want from him. He shakes his head and you halt your movement.

“No, Bunny, not today. Today, I’m going to make you scream so loud that you’re going to come back every day for more.” He feels your pussy involuntarily tighten around his cock, sucking him further into your tight walls. “You’d like it if someone caught us like this, wouldn’t you? Let them see how I ruin you,” Jungkook snickers as he teases you.

“You’re so-” You can’t even finish your sentence as Jungkook thrust deep inside of you. This causes you to lose your balance and rest your head on Jungkook’s shoulder, giving him full control over your body. He bounces you on his thick cock until you can feel your high approaching.

“I’m gonna cum, Jungkook.” You announce after a series of muffled moans, your voice barely coming out as a whisper. He tightens his grip on your ass and slides one hand down to rub your clit for added stimulation to the impending time bomb of pleasure.

 “Let go, love.” As his movements quicken, soon, he feels your pussy clenching tightly around his dick. 

“Jungkook!” You scream as you come. You kiss his neck while coming down from your high. Feeling spent, you collapse on Jungkook’s body, relishing the feeling of his muscular body moving against yours.

 Jungkook knows he can’t hold out much longer when he feels your pussy pulsate around his dick. “You can cum inside me, I’m on the pill.” You whisper in his ear shyly, feeling his erratic movements inside you. 

 He digs his fingers into your hips thrusting deeper and more erratically before he comes inside you. He thrusts a few more times to ride out his orgasm before he leans back in his seat in exhaustion.

 You both lay there in his car while you catch your breaths and pepper tiny kisses on each other’s bodies. Afterward, Jungkook lifts you up and removes his cock from inside you. You shiver from the emptiness and feel his come slowly drip out from inside you. You quickly slide up your panties into place, pull up your shorts and then readjust your hoodie before collapsing onto the passenger seat.

You watch Jungkook quickly pull up his boxer briefs and sweats. You both look at each other in your fucked out states, all messy and laugh. 

“I THINK we should go home now. It’s like almost 3am,” You laugh nervously looking at the time on your phone. 

“We should!” He chuckles. “So Bunny…tomorrow…boba, same time?”

“Just come over to my dorm tomorrow. The roomies are out, so we can watch Chainsaw Man and do this again. My wallet can’t deal with more boba runs, and then bonking and losing sleep when I have a 9am class.”

 “I’ll be the one treating you to boba from now on,” He smirks at you curiously. God, you really found someone amazing in your life.

As the night sky embraces the city with its velvet darkness, Jungkook drives back to campus. The cool breeze whispers through the open windows, sending shivers down their spines as you two reveled in the afterglow.

Your fingers intertwine on the center console, a tangible connection that symbolizes the bond you share. The radio softly plays Keshi, providing a soothing soundtrack to the journey. You two glance at each other, smiles dancing on your lips, eyes filled with a mixture of contentment and desire to keep doing this again. Maybe boba and riding every day from now on.

[modelbus]

YOOOO MODDLEE

yeah I did it again.

(Help I have a problem of disappearing into thin air)

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR PART THREE OF CUT CHAOS SHEBSJNSUH

you said you would write 500 chapters.. but like obviously exaggerating..? (Kiddinggg)

tho a few more couldn’t hurt..

juuuust saying if you ever feel like it I will eventually see it and it will eventually make my week. <3333

BUT THATS NOT WHY WE ARE HERE! (I’m sorry my requests are always so long and dramatic bro I just brain like that)

Actual request:

ok so like I knowww cut chaos started from rumours but like rumours are an easy way to start plot lines k? (Also I use she pronouns out of habit but they is pog too)

the friends in question: Tommyinnit (duh), Wilbur (moosic boi), Ranboo (generation loss trauma guy), Possibly Slimecicle?? I know he’s not someone you do requests for normally buttt if you’re okay with it that would be POG, or if slime is a no, tubbo!

SO a few months ago Y/N started working on an SMP with some minimal custom mods, some fancy texture packs, maybe some data packs, and its like this BIGGG project, BUT its not public and its taking a lot of her time, so she can only really do a few streams and most of the time because her schedule is so full its hard to work out streams with friends so, she is alone. with the internet being the internet people started to think something was up, some annoyed viewers made a few rumours and people kept making things up and escalating things until people were saying she did all sorts of horrible things to “lose all her friends” but one of the most popular theories was that she was emotionally abusing them (??? Internet wildin ig) she ignored them while mostly finishing the stuff for the smp, but decided to address it in a very- y/n way. Getting four friends to come to her house and hide slightly off camera while she made a purposefully bad apology video only for them to jump out at the end and her to stand up and be like “YALL REALLY THOUGHT I WAS SOME MASTER MANIPULATOR?! I’M JUST A FUNKY LITTLE CHAOTIC MINECRAFT GOBLIN N’ I’VE BEEN WORKING ON AN SMP THIS WHOLE TIME!! ITS GONNA BE SUPER COOL AND THESE FOUR PLUS ALOOOOT MORE PEOPLE ARE GONNA BE THERE I’M POSTING THE CREATORS SOON AND ITS LAUNCHING IN A MONTH!, SO STOP ASSUMING I’M A BAD PERSON AND GET PUMPED BITCHES!” something along those lines, maybe at the end a little peek at what people are responding with. (Obviously no pressure, but like id be cool) (thanks for considering deity of the busses and models.)

HOW WE LIKING THE SILLIES?!?

P.S I’m not always an angst gremlin (just most of the time..) - ✨🌌🌙 Annon

I DO BE LIKING THE SILLIES (and thank you for elevating me to the level of deity, my ego has been inflated)

Pairing: Cc! Wilbur, Tommy, Ranboo, Charlie Slimecicle x Gn!Reader (platonic)

Roaring Rumors

Life was all about sacrifices.

Or, that’s what you keep telling yourself when you’re up at 1AM working on your server. Putting together an SMP is harder than it sounds; texture packs, data packs, comparability, world-building, even the (seemingly) simply act of contacting people to play on it. For the amount of time you spent on your computer, your hands might as well be part of your keyboard.

Sleep wasn’t the only thing you sacrificed. Streaming, even just fun ones with your friends, had quickly became rare. Although you loved to hop on a call while coding still, your online presence had severely receded.

You just keep telling yourself that sacrifices are necessary. That the payoff would be worth it.

And it really would be, but you just had to get there first. Which was proving harder than you had thought.

At the very least, you still had your friends. Wilbur sitting silently on call with you while you work, Tommy dragging you out of your room, Ranboo always willing to get excited over your progress. Every day you woke up with a text from your groupchat—typically Charlie—just filling you in on the latest internet trend by a meme.

Today, your news comes from Wilbur and Tommy.

“I think they’re canceling you.” Wilbur says casually while you’re in the midst of detailing the hunger bar for a texture pack.

“Ooh, you’re a wrong’un!” Tommy yells in the background of Wilbur’s side of the call.

The three of you had been idly chatting while each doing your own thing. Wilbur and Tommy were engaged in some Twitter competition, as far as you know.

“Canceling me for what?” You ask, deciding to ignore Tommy’s shouting.

“Existing, I think.” Wilbur answers.

“So the normal.”

“The normal.”

Although the conversation stops there, you can’t help yourself. Later, during one of the few hours you dedicate to getting sleep to stay alive, you pull open Twitter on your phone. Your last tweet was nearly two weeks ago, so it’s been a minute.

But you just want to make sure nothing horrible happened while you were busy. You’re a content creator, this is normal. Definitely. You definitely aren’t just justifying this so you can do it.

You swipe through tweets, heading to trending and searching your name. Tweets load, making your mouth run dry. Wilbur wasn’t joking.

All you can do is scroll, reading as the messages get wilder and wilder. From people saying they were missing you to theories on why nobody was streaming you. Each one seemed considerably more implausible, and before you know it you’re glaring at your screen like it’s to fault.

Some thought you had grown apart.

Some thought you had a falling out.

And, apparently, a lot thought you were emotionally abusing them. Or, depending on the tweet, manipulating them.

Quite honestly, you didn’t even know how they got the idea. The long threads of explanations did nothing but send you into a spiral, biting your bottom lip so hard that it bleeds.

You were so close to finishing the SMP. It needed just a few things, then you'd be able to start scheduling to get it up and running. You didn't have the time nor mental capacity to deal with whatever the fuck is going on right now.

Is it a good choice? Maybe not. But do you still ignore the accusations? Hell yes.

-

By the time you get even closer to finishing the preparations for your SMP, you've come up with the perfect plan to address the (quite stupid) rumors. It'll be a two-in-one; you address the rumors and announce the SMP at the same time.

"How long do I have to lay on this floor?" Tommy asks, stretched out behind your chair.

"Nobody asked you to lay on the floor." Wilbur points out, standing next to your computer. Charlie, on the other side, laughs.

"Yeah man, you wanted to be down there."

"Besides, I'm doing great down here!" Ranboo chimes in.

You roll your eyes, grinning. "I'm about to start stream, so it won't be for much longer. Just wait for my cue, yeah?"

Tommy grumbles, but shuts up. You take that as your chance to start the stream, switching it off your waiting screen and waving to the camera. Your chosen stream title has brought in a bit more than your usual casual steam view number, "Talking about some serious stuff," leading people to believe there will be drama. And if it's drama they want, it's drama you'll give.

"Hello, hello!" You smile, leaning back. "So I've decided to talk about some things. Namely, the Twitter shit. I am so sorry for everything, and I mean that. A lot. Sincerely. There's meaning in it."

Tommy snorts, and from the corner of your eye you catch Wilbur kick him to shut him up.

"What am I sorry about?" You ask rhetorically, acting like you read it off of chat. "Oh, you know. People have been saying all types of stuff. The things about me manipulating my friends?" There's a pause while you let that sink in. "So, I'm sorry."

It's a purposefully shitty apology, but you sigh and act like its heartfelt for a few moments, nodding towards chat. Their messages are mostly confused, especially because it isn't one emote-only.

"Sorry you guys are so gullible!" You shout, and Tommy practically tackles you.

Wilbur's the one to fix your chair, Ranboo and Charlie appearing next to you within moments.

"You guys really thought this one could manipulate me? The master?" Charlie asks the stream, pointing at you.

"Yeah!" Tommy shouts, way too energetic for someone who complained five minutes ago about being on the floor. "We're the master manipulators! Get fooled!"

"I, for one, haven't manipulated anyone-" Ranboo starts, but Tommy slaps a hand over his mouth and nods empathetically.

"Yeah, I don't know what you guys were thinking, but I've just been playing fucking Minecraft for the past few months nonstop." You laugh.

"Nonstop. It's a problem." Wilbur nods.

"It is not a problem!" Pause. "Anyways, I made an SMP! And that's where I've been! Not because I've been manipulating my friends or some shit, stop being dumbasses."

"It'll be super cool!" Ranboo adds in helpfully.

"These four-"

"That's us!" Charlie points around at himself, Wilbur, Tommy, and Ranboo.

"-will be on it, plus a lot more. It'll be posting those people soon! As in, check your Twitter obsessively guys! The SMP will be in about a month, too, so get fucking excited! I want to see some hype!"

"WOO!" Tommy screams, making everyone cringe at having their eardrums ruptured.

"So that's all I wanted to talk about I think. Anything to add, guys?" You glance around at the four surrounding you with a grin.

"One thing." Charlie nods, leaning in really close. "I have a secret. This SMP, it's actually-" He hits your end stream button mid-sentence. "And that's how you keep 'em interested."

-

Ycgmaenthusist NEW SMP NEW SMP NEW SMP NEW SMP

Mammalianeighingreflecenthusiest We are dumb as fuck aren’t we

Poabsenthusiest i will RIOT IN THE STREETS if any of yall be mean to MY STREAMER -> Cmwylenthusist FR I GOT TWO FISTS AND A CAUSE

[drippingmoon]

Merry new year to everyone, again! 🥳💞🥂

I know it wasn’t an event this year, but writing a yearly wrap-up is really therapeutic, you know? So I decided to continue the tradition, and if anyone wants to join me, absolutely view this as an open invitation^^ Introduction is over, and now let’s see what 2023 looked like:

(spoilers: I adored it. I'm also probably going to make this my fixed post, in case anyone ever wants to catch up with me. And also because my second baby, AoS, is growing, and it doesn't have an intro, but I can't leave it out.)

Stats

Aquiver, Aglow: 181k (draft 4) + 195k (draft 5) + hmm, draft 6 is an outlier, because I didn’t rewrite from scratch, so I’m unsure of the written word count. I didn’t change much from draft 5, so I’d say an extra 15-20k. Total word count: 376k+

Remains of a Night: 120k 

Aberration of Sunlight: 134k

This was definitely my most productive year to date. And I got so hungry: the more I wrote, the more I just wanted to keep writing, and honestly? I’m proudest of myself for literally carving writing time whenever I got a spot into my schedule. Mostly it was from 8pm-11pm, but I had a mad run where my only free window was from 1am till I literally felt I was dying… I’ll talk about that separately🤣🤣👌

Though, I'm seriously understating it.

Like a lot of other people, I would have all these hours when I was younger when I didn't have anything to do, yet I'd still find some excuse not to write. "I'm waiting for the right time." "I'm anxious I'm not going to get it right." "Tomorrow! Tomorrow I can start right from the morning, and I'll have more time to write, yeah?" or "I'm too tired now, it's late..." and so the snowball rolled down and downhill and I found every reason under the sun not to write, now that I think about it. Sigh. So much time wasted. But I can't regret it either, because I needed those baby steps at that time.

And now! Now I do what I thought I'd never learn to: I prioritize, and I actually organize my daily stuff so it's not so impossible anymore to have a little bit of writing time. I don't take it for granted either. It feels like such character growth for me, I'm immensely proud of it.

And for the record? This year was a huge improvement over yesteryear mentally, too. It turns out, what I needed to get over my word count anxiety… was to be faced with people who literally didn’t give a fuck about it, and just cared about the story. One of the most unexpected things beta stage managed to do to me… was to quench all my anxieties. It’s as simple as that. I read and enjoy very long books. People also do that. So, I’m very happy to say I’m no longer in a tizzy about ‘quiv. It might kill my chances for trad publishing, it might not. I’ll be happy come what may.

Because it’s so simple how working on ‘quiv or thinking about it makes me joyous, and now I can just enjoy that freely. I will miss writing this story so much. I really will. But at least I’ll have it forever to reread, and I hope this thought brings comfort to everyone who also has problems letting go, like it does to me.

Let’s break it down a little, shall we?🤩

Aquiver, Aglow◇◇◇

My little star of the hour. How fond I am of it.

Like you could glean from above, ‘quiv went through three drafts this year. More specifically: in the first part of the year, practically almost as soon as February arrived. I knew it was getting closer to the final version, and gave me the push to finish all three back to back. I couldn’t justify anymore the bazillion AUs I do with rewrites (basically, WHAT IFs from events, WHAT IF it went this different way, WHAT IF Tyrone actually said this here… and so on and so forth. I wanted to test out as many pathways as possible, and did I exhaust every one of them in existence? Definitely not. I don’t think that can happen, you just keep getting new ideas. On and on. What happened, instead, is that these couple different pathways, at some point, cemented themselves as canon in my mind. I didn’t want to tease myself with alternatives anymore, and that’s when I knew they would be it. Some bits from the first draft, some from the third, some from the second. Some were even draft 6 originals!

It’s a bit of a weird process. I definitely didn’t need to reach draft 3, and meet Mezusa, because I could’ve feasibly made it work with just Yles in the story. It still would’ve made sense, though in a different way. But if I hadn’t… I might’ve missed one of the best characters I’ll ever probably have created, and the story (and Yles) is much stronger for her, if you ask me. 

For that matter, yes, full rewrites every single draft might take a lot of time and effort, but honestly I don’t think I’d ever change my writing process (save for the moments of frustration when I think I will lol) because of the sheer satisfaction of it. Whoever said so long never to settle on the first version, I owe you a beer and probably some curses as well lmao, but very lovingly. You shaped my writing life.

I don’t have much else to share about ‘quiv, other than it’s off with my beta readers my beloved, and maybe a tentative promise that, if anyone wants, you’ll be able to read this precious ball of hope of mine relatively soon. This story is so gentle to me. And as much as I loved to write and work on it, I dearly hope that whoever decides to give it a go, is treated just the same. That’s the only wish I have.

I also don’t know if I’ll go trad or self-published. Instincts say trad, because I fuckin’ suck at marketing (fact), and I know I’d grow resentful if I’d have to put so many hours into advertising when I know I could instead… write. I’m a writer. That’s the only thing I know how to do. Trad, however, might not be as kind on a ~200k as life’s been, so I might not have a choice. If it comes down to that… I’ll just treat it as I do everything. I don't love this story any less if I just write, publish without a fuss, hope that maybe, just maybe, a reader or two will stumble upon the story and we could talk. Maybe we can have the fun of our lives, create some genuine connection. I know that’s applies to a lot of writers. I hope we can accomplish it.

And so, I’ll finish this section of the wrap-up with a kiss to my ‘quiv, for all the warmth it’s ever brought me. It’s come so far, I know it can live distinct from me from now on. It brings me great comfort. And I look forward to the times I’ll reread it, and we can relive our best experiences together. Never thought I’d get to this point. Thank you, ‘quiv.

Remains of a Night♤♤♤

Mwhahaha! And because ‘quiv took all the pressure, this left AoS to be an extremely fun and spirited experience. Literally the chillest I’ve ever been writing. In many ways, it’s more my thing than I expected ‘quiv to be: I get to murder characters left and right, it’s more plot-heavy and banking on the tension created by a creature that horrifies the characters down to their marrow, but still the only way to defeat it is to know it better, which, uh, might have unpleasant consequences for them. It’s got chase and stealth scenes, and it always shoots me with adrenaline to think about them. In short, exactly my jam.

It’s not a new book, nope. You knew it before as Aberration of Sunlight, but from the get-go I felt it would be bigger than ‘quiv. Very fortunately for me, I had a place where to break it, and behold: there’s RoaN (book 1), and AoS (book 2). There might be a third book, which I dearly hope not because titling sucks, but it depends on the Sycamine arc. More on that in AoS.

One last thing to note, before we delve into the story (hoo-ray for earlier drafts, because I can talk more frankly about them). This is the culprit of my 1am writing adventures!!😫❤ My schedule became too packed, then NaNo came round and I couldn’t pass up the opportunity to honor how AoS began, because it was last year’s NaNo, aaand I’m happy to say I won NaNo, somehow, with 56k down before I died. At that time, I only had one section left to write (from both books), otherwise, hahahaha, yeah, it wouldn’t have flown. Still, most of draft 2 I’d written in September-October, with my fairy lights, late nights, and cups of hot cocoa, exactly like how life should be<3

Alright. We’re going through them chapter-by-chapter again, exactly because I love seeing the titles so much:

ACT 1

Cracked Visor, Scorpion Grass

I did it! I did! Twas another shower thought I managed to get down in time. Bare broken sentences, but they did the impossible, and arranged this chapter into a structure I adore to bits and won't ever change. (And 'quiv's naughty voice left me alone for once and I could write it properly!) While I don't think I'll ever be happy with a first chapter (not as a concept, but the writing — part of me will always wish that the reader just had all the information already lol), this one is in the right place.

It pays its respects to the story of the broken helmet at the foot of a spaceship, and how it reconnects Madigan with all the people who'd suffered from being tethered to the planets when they yearned to fly, but the Beast punished them cruelly for it. It makes him feel phantoms of their efforts. The tone is exactly what I needed this story to start from: melancholy and numbly hopeless, against the backdrop of the Beasts's echoed cries.

Rain Through the Universe

Unlike 'quiv, because RoaN and AoS are way more plot-heavy, it's not as easy to change things willy-nilly (whereas 'quiv was all about character bonds and dynamics). As such, it's very similar to draft 1. Because of that, I'll frankendraft next (select and combine drafts 1 and 2, rewrite to connect them) and afterwards I'll try something I've always wanted to. (Scrivener keeps hinting at it!) I'm gonna split the chapters into scenes, and focus on those individually and how I can just rewrite them and set their purpose in stone<3 I'm excited!

As for the chapter itself, gods, I love the atmosphere. Just the wreckage of a sundered ship, and Madigan’s sudden madman appearance making a lasting impression on Spica, because how could it not. They no longer answer distress calls in that age, it just means more dead bodies. In fact, they're forbidden to. Madigan instead brings him what he himself lacks: hope. And a lot of crawling around while dreading the Beast's lambent eye opening, and oh my, the moments are really flying by😈👏 extreme fun for me as the writer.

Aberration of Light

If you remember, the books follow two timelines, which will connect at some point. The first and main one is Madigan and Spica’s story. The other is Holloway’s, in the distant past of that universe, and who’s been dubbed the most selfish man in existence. That’s important, because of how the Beast came to be. But that becomes important later. For now, a weird-ass new recruit has joined the ship, and the witchy crew will very soon start making bets if she’s the Beast in human flesh, which really wouldn’t bode well for their future.

Night Falls On Their Reflection

Draft 2 became Spica’s draft. It was high time. He didn't exist in the original idea beyond chapter 2, but he refused to die with his story untold. And now he's one of the most independent thinkers I've ever written. Now he's Madigan's son (yes, even at 25), best friend, back-to-back partner all in one, and I could watch the trust and mutual respect between these two forever. To be sure: Madigan comes up with the dumbass plans, and Spica's only too happy to follow him through everything (it is good fun.)

He's repaying the incredible kindness Madigan's shown him when answering his distress call, after all.

But it goes a bit further than that, doesn't it? Madigan is used to watching over myriad people. He's the Superintendent of his planet, and while he genuinely loves people, kindness is his default. It doesn't go further than that for him. He doesn't necessarily think people need, much less desire his presence there beyond Madigan extending help, and most of the time, he's content with that. Kindness does make him happy. And it should be the same with Spica now, shouldn't it? He's kind, but he's not Spica's family, nor ever will be. Yet he immediately feels a connection with the boy, that has nothing to do with bonding over escaping-a-cosmic-disaster. And so does Spica.

This is the moment when Madigan starts feeling guilty, for stepping where he should not. But here's the beauty of Spica's character: he's nothing if not dead sure of his own feelings, and what he sees with his eyes. It's okay if Madigan keeps unexpectedly taking steps back. For very long, there'd been nobody to support Spica's beliefs. So he does the same, as when he followed his heart to go into dead space: he believes in himself and Madigan, and that their paths aren't meant to diverge. They mean too much to each other for that to ever happen.

(In short, and legend says you can still hear me screeching about these two ten thousand years later, I love these two so much, and especially the parallels between Spica going alone into outer space and loving Madigan.)

(And, okay, obviously all these developments don't happen in a single chapter, but I couldn't stop gushing🤭🥰.)

Who Puts These Tombs in Ice

Overall, I think draft 2’s Luitgart performed worse than draft 1. Mainly it's the setting I want to revert (still an icy, sempiternally dark hell, but with different ice constructions) because some of the beats are a huge improvement, and again, I gotta combine the two. Otherwise, I’m still as obsessed about the Luitgart arc as I’ve ever been, and huge thanks to it for being so strong it could function as an ending of its own, allowing me to split the book.

Gettin’ into spoilery territory, but I have to un-kill Madigan so many times it leaves me in hysterics. That was what I was supposed to fix this draft. It got worse. Considerably.

(One constant: the chapter being a love letter to Madigan, and how his first answer will always be to help the other, no matter if they deserve it or not<3 and finally, finally, he gets acknowledged for it, and the favor returned.)

ACT 2

Lemon-Dotted Days + Remnant

Two Holloway chapters! I’m actually massively pleased with how they’ve turned out. Last year, I said the main issue was that I had an outline, and that never works for me. So I did what I do best and rewrote everything from scratch, and the result is both uncanny and… unexpected.

Unexpected, because I never in my life thought Holloway’s voice would make me laugh so much. He’s supposed to be unsympathetic, but then you get his interactions with Saintlark (the new crewmate, possibly Beast) where they’re contemplating the harvest of a nebula, and he’s harshly critical of it, which gives Saintlark hope… only to go deadpan One Moment Later: if they’d used the nebula to prolong their lives instead of bolstering the war, they wouldn’t have died like clown idiots. 

And, they could’ve maybe stolen immortality from the nebula. They would've had to share it with him, of course. Or he would've murdered them to get it.

That, my guys, is his personality in a nutshell.

I have a lot of feelings on Holloway now, and most involve me huffing and slapping my forehead while groaning, but oh my gods. Was it ever so fun. And wait, wait, wait. Since I'm talking of humor (apparently a lot of comedy fit into this horror lmfao) I have to show you guys the following section🤣🤣👏:

Corpse Snow

The drifters are set howling on the ice. They share glances, five separate vehicles nodding at each other. Madigan revs up the engine, splitting the air with a jet of steam and vibration.

The last of the marines are climbing into the box. A figure flashes past Madigan’s drifter — and he leans over, teeth grinding because of his ribs, and he does his very best to grab someone by the back of their suit and pull. Workout days were never his strength, though. He only succeeds in stopping them in the frost smoke.

It’s Spica dangling from his hand, expressionless.

Lieutenant Hahn instantly seizes on the situation. He throws Madigan a long, withering look. “Whatcha doing, Boss?” he asks softly, about to unhinge his jaw again.

Madigan nudges Spica into the drifter. “Picking up your boy.”

Spica gets the hint and deposits himself into the front seat, glancing from his father to his Superintendent. He seems to give up on whatever’s going on, and makes himself cozy in the frosty spot. And Madigan, of course, pretends not to notice Hahn’s drifter sliding closer.

“And you didn’t consider I might want to have my son with me?”

Madigan looks up and sighs. “Lieutenant, dear Lieutenant,” he starts pleadingly. “Why won’t you show some leniency to a poor, wounded man?”

Hahn’s drifter stops, summoning a breeze across the icy floor that gently rocks the other vehicle. His breathing distorts the comms with static. “And what exactly is my son right now?”

“My trusty navigator,” Madigan answers easily.

“Sir’s emotional walking stick?” Spica pipes in at the same time.

They both look over. Spica’s quietly turned to the navigation, as serene as daylight, seemingly oblivious to how Madigan's expression changes, lightning-fast. He quickly hides it under the guise of a polite mask, as the marines stir and turn their attention on them. They’re snickering.

Lieutenant Hahn throws up his hands, giving up on everything.

This is also the first 30k chapter I’ve ever written. It's everything I've ever wanted to do with ice.

Heart of the Void

The end of the book. Originally, it was the ending section to Corpse Snow, but since it already got so ungodly long, I chipped off that bit and I have to say I’m very happy with how it works as an epilogue! So it ends the frosty, weary journey, and I can’t see the two books as separate yet, but here we bid goodbye to the first.

Aberration of Sunlight♧♧♧

I did the unthinkable and created a fifth arc. This might not seem like much to you, but I was screaming bloody murder you guys😭😭😭. Sigh. It’s so sigh. For so long, AoS consisted of four clear-cut acts, but it was necessary. With the introduction of Sycamine, and making it two books, it was just needed. It’s still one of the worst things I’ve ever done because I was used to four😃💔

(The chapters continue from where RoaN left off – from chapter 10, to 21.)

ACT 3

Retro Spectrum

Sycamine, oh Sycamine. Definitely the break I needed before Days in Darkness. It made for a really neat beginning. It’s calmer, focusing on the knowledge they have on the Beast. It’s also a reflection on Procyon (their main star) and the story of the two straggler dog constellations, and what they'd been running away from. I liked the direction it took. It veered away from the Beast for a bit, so the tension kept expanding in the background. And when it returns, well... maybe they shouldn't have been so eager to see it again🤭.

It suffers from the same syndrome as draft 1’s first chapter… it’s there in the vicinity of the idea, but too much to the left. Not bad for a first attempt. The setting annoys me – I really don't enjoy writing cities, and AoS didn't change that. So, for our next try, I was thinking... maybe we don't need to be on the planet, but up close and veeery personal with it. It's a secret❤.

And, oh gods. I put a moustache-twirling villain in this. And then I couldn’t stop myself from naming some sucker Sweetman Calories. I don’t know what happened to me during those days, but I’m crying🤣🤣🤣.

Toast to the Light

Holloway and Saintlark’s story is slowly coming to an end. Unexpectedly bleaker than draft 1, yet it feels much more sincere. Holloway has a way of saying everything Saintlark needs to hear. No surprise. They did that to themselves.

Dissonant Recognition

Ahhhh, the Madigan-is-slowly-losing-his-grip-on-reality chapter, or maybe he should really stop staring into the suns. One of my favorites<3 Also because it features Moren (!!!) who has a blast staying in the grey morality area, because she doesn’t know if her actions could ever matter, or if she could change anything. Does she just exist? Is she a player or just pawn? Who knows. Besides that, she gets along great with Spica. They form such a teasing duo, the level of mutual respect they felt for each other on sight was a delight to write. My favorite ally of theirs, even if her destiny lies elsewhere.

Night Beneath the Elevator

Best title hands down, dethroning Solgesis. I’m going batshit crazy about the visuals, it's exactly my thing. This half-light slanted over an elevator waiting in a rundown basement to be boarded. And there's something underneath it, and always has been. Something insidiously creeping up and waving its tendril fingers at you as you're just waiting for the fucking thing to ascend. Immaculate, guys, I'm telling you, and I'm cursing my hands because I can't make a wallpaper of this. I want to eat that atmosphere.

Time-sensitive missions, y'all.

And why the heck did nobody inform me I was going to add Command as an actual character and have them talk with Madigan?! That entire convo, made up entirely on the spot but somehow with a direction, made me realize what an idiot I’d been for not doing it sooner. They mean so much to Madigan, after all.

(And Mariya. So much Mariya in these chapters.)

ACT 4

Loop System

Like Who Puts These Tombs in Ice, draft 1 might’ve done it better. Not Spica and Madigan, though, because of the sheer development Spica’s been through and the dynamic he’s managed to form with the crew. It's different from Madigan’s, but similar enough that it’s got Hahn commenting lightly: [Spica’s] picked up quite a few habits from Madigan, hasn’t he? Almost as if they’ve gotten very very close, huh? How about Madigan tell him more?

(I adore writing Hahn.)

Outreach

Another Holloway chapter. Doesn’t have the punch of the kids subplot from draft 1, but this just makes it worse for Saintlark personally, because, this time, the consequences are on her.

Days in Darkness

I knew the moment I first got the idea this would be my favorite chapter. Well, it finally happened in draft 2: when the entire crew is here, this time, and ready for the final countdown, to relive the experience of being trapped in a ship that's disintegrating. No more heroes left behind. I'd been so tired writing this chapter in draft 1, but this time around it was incredible. Everything went up sharply from here, both in terms of events and how on fire I was.

(Maybe less than the gorgon, but I was.)

ACT 5

Echo Terminal

The first of the two log chapters.

I've never written smoother, more visual chapters than in this period. Days in Darkness changed me so much, I was writing day and night by this point and couldn't get enough. Well, I hit my limit in the second half of the very last chapter, but I am beyond satisfied. Even the Beast's metamorphosis took me by storm, because I'd been wondering what the final verbs, the final images, the final design for it was going to be. I didn't expect it to come to me this early, and with such thrill. Those were my very best days of the year, and I toast to them.

(And I knew it was going to be fantastic when Halo's Warthog Run OST started blaring in my head, with as much adrenaline.)

Where, Now? + Solgesis

My beloved. The second and last of the two log chapters, but it’s Noelle Saintlark’s log.

Holloway’s timeline ends here. Or maybe it just gets carried into the future. I thought I’d want to rewrite his parts again, make the plot just a tiny bit more psychedelic and nonsensical because it’s so close to the Beast… but Solgesis put all my fears to rest. Even the formatting and layout is a bit of that special thing I’ve always wanted to try, and it really changes the perspective of the previous chapters. There's a new confession that stands at the heart of Holloway's stories.

Honestly, the only thing that needs urgent working on is the anger at the end of the chapter.

Anger is so hard for me to write sometimes. Not because I don’t connect with it, but because I feel self-conscious writing it. The wildest I felt it was when I tackled 'quiv's chapter 3 and Imera's Turning speech, both in quick succession (before I'd even written draft 1. I'd been taking notes.) Since then... I just thing back to how keenly I'd felt that anger, and I kind of intimidate myself out of it. Kind of like a natural resistence, I quench it from myself. Which is actually hilarious when you think about it. It’s like I’m going I BANISH THEE FROM MY BRAIN because generally, as a person, I dislike feeling and operating on anger. But no worries. I’m going to find a way around it.

Watch me😎.

What Goes Around…

(Now it’s the time for me to start crying some rivers, and, alright, it won’t be visible so I’ll say it: the chapter titles are holding a conversation, guys. They speak to each other. And sometimes it’s both sides of the same coin, like how What Goes Around (comes around) hints here. If you take two chapters, one from the beginning and one from the end (for example 1 and 21) it'll tell you a little secret. Okay, What Goes Around and Rain Through the Universe communicate through their plot, which I can’t spoil but of course it has to do with Madigan and Spica and how they first meet… but there is one title pair that does it best visibly. 

Lemon-Dotted Days and Days in Darkness.

And I hadn’t even planned this. All the parallels I wanted to draw… I feel like they built themselves, guys. They really did, and it makes me so wildly happy I don’t even know how to stop my hands from flailing.

And, with them being 21 chapters, they meet in the middle, on the one unpaired chapter.

Called Toast to the Light.

I friggin’ love everything.

New Sunrise, Forget-Me-Right

Of course, Forget-Me-Right is a play on Scorpion Grass. But it’s also such a gentle name for the chapter, because everything ends here. Lying on their backs, staring out into the universe, and it really, really is over. Just a dark horizon on which stars flare and bloom. And suddenly, that maddened rush to make every sacrifice count, to remember every soul they’ve encountered because the legend says the Beast absorbs you when it kills you – all that suffocating pressure dissipates. Lightness remains. Because they’ve protected each other.

For the first time in my writing journey, blood rushed to my head with such emotion I had to stop writing, which never happens. I had to look up and exclaim, holy fuck. But how could I not, considering how the story ends for the Beast? I am speechless. A lot of gorgeous surprises this draft.

Conclusion□●□

Whew, what a year it's been! As for how 2024 will probably look like, though I don't like making plans: finishing the beta stage for 'quiv, and tackling RoaN and AoS's draft 3. Thaaaat one I'm actually starting on Christmas, when I can (finally!!) reread draft 2 with my mug of hot cocoa (or maybe mulled wine for a change) and, no surprises here, I'm hyper stoked for that<3 <3 <3 I legit can't wait to see where the new draft brings them. I might not have set any expectations for them, but they're vying to keep up with 'quiv and I adore it🤭❤

As for my lovely friends... well, you know by how I spam your tags how much I adore you and wish you happiness forever🤩🥺🥳 I don't know what my activity will look like in the near future, so for now I won't be saying anything, and my semi-hiatus continues. Semi, because you're unforgettable and I crave to see what everyone's been up to and (!!!!) what you've written!

So let's meet in 2024 again, and all the best wishes to you, the reader🥰🥂❤.

[lazar-codes]

Random Rambles, part 2

It's nearly 10pm on a Tuesday, and while I'm supposed to be doing school-work, I have some thoughts. So here we go!

School

I'm nearly done with my first semester of my Master's in Human Computer Interaction, and I'm excited to complete it. This semester has been tricky, and it's mostly because lectures usually start at 3pm. Sleeping in is really nice, but my sleep schedule is super messed up because I do schoolwork after class, and I want to have some time to do things for myself (read, Netflix, or draw), so I end up staying up until 1am. I did do some volunteer stuff this weekend and so far it has fixed my sleep schedule (working in a festival for the weekend ensures that I'm wiped out by 11pm), but that can easily get messed up again.

My classes themselves are alright, they just require a lot of reading. A lot of the content of my classes is what I covered in my undergrad as a health science student, which is odd. Although, while I took a UXD course in my undergrad, it focused on "task-centred system design", whereas now we're doing "user-centred design". In fact, my group project involves building an app to its hi-fi prototype stage. We're finishing up the low-fi prototype and I'm happy with how it's looking. I might even take it a step further on my own and program it...we'll see. It's a little intimidating to work on this project, mostly because all of my groupmates have industry experience with graphic design and I don't. But hey, I'm learning.

Related to school news; I'm taking a class called "Data and Society" and it's the most depressing class I've ever taken, but I really like it. The themes of this class are essentially that big corporations are taking our data and using it for advertising purposes, or for targeting people, or for separating people. Basically, our data is being used for bad, and rarely for the improvement of society. And the more papers I read on this topic, the more tired I am of being in this type of world. I'm already taking a step back from social media and such (I basically only use it to post art), but there's a part of me that now really, really, wants to live in the mountains away from it all. Of course, I'd still like my Netflix, but the rest can go away. 

That being said, my classes have certainly made me want to look into stuff like data/media preservation, and ethical data collection and such. Does it feel like fighting a losing battle? Yes, but I still want to try. 

Coding

I finally logged onto Github after months. Will I get back into programming soon? Probably not, though I'm tempted to do Advent of Code to dip my toes back into it. Or maybe I'll get into app development...we'll see. Like I said, I have a project for school that I can code in the future, so I might do that. 

Ok, I need to get back to school-work. Those papers aren't going to read themselves.

[chaewonplzbiteme]

Let’s see how this goes...

I have recently watched “Write Your First Draft By Hand” by Scott P. Scheper. He talked about how people, when they write digitally, start editing and changing things before they even have a coherent piece of text to critically judge yet. I have caught myself doing this a lot in the last weeks, so I’m quite inclined to try this out. I am quite curious about what kind of differences I can observe after (maybe) finishing this, both in the resulting draft and my very own sentence synthesis skills. Scheper also talked about how drafts are supposed to be shit. I kind of agree even though I don’t want to. So I shall see how smelly my 💩 is going to be, too.

And I started this draft after +1k words on my Yujin draft as well as a critical success at work. I guess it was a productive day for me today.

For those inclined to ask about my keyboard, it’s a custom soldered GH60 Rev. C with all split key options made use of, purple Zealios 55g or so and some British Navy double shot ABS key caps set, DSA profile. G502 master race. Not bragging, I just know that questions will arise once I show even a corner of my desk.

Ok, it is bragging: I am smelling paper and you guys are not. He he.

I was recommended Scheper when I was looking for tips on how to improve my usage of Obsidian. Obviously, I stumbled upon the Zettelkasten method and Scheper’s Analog Zettelkasten (Antinet) series, which was quite insightful to improve my organisation and note-taking methods. He manages to link his notes not just by the actual links and references, the first dimension of his method’s effectiveness. But adjacent notes are related, too. This was the second dimension the notes were organized with, and for me the most mind-blowing one, even though the concept is so simple. If you take a note out from the box, the note next to it is likely to be relevant, too. That is why Scheper leaves gaps in his numbering, so he can keep adding notes in between (and goes deeper with the numbers if he does run out).

It’s fucking 1am and I should go to sleep. Scheduled post so no doxx.

Chaewon bites, peace out ✌️!

P.S.: Can I even fucking read my own handwriting in a week???

[wordsandrobots]

No but seriously though, time for an end-of-month Wishing on Space Hardware update. I'd say 'regularly scheduled update', except this is me and what is time?

As I was saying, Chapter 20 is now complete, which means I've finished the bulk of the plot for this work. There's still some wrapping up to do (I didn't plan five epilogues for nothing) but by and large, that's it. Two and a half years and upwards of 600,000 words, and I've reached the endpoint of everything my brain ran off with after watching Iron-Blooded Orphans (well, almost everything *hits passing plot bunny with a squeaky hammer*).

So the next step is to find out if my beta-reader thinks it works and/or bites me in the spleen as a result.

Also to write the aforementioned epilogues, finish Interlude 3 (it's like, two paragraphs from being done) and write Interlude 4. Then I need to edit this monster, catch all the narrative errors, kick myself over the plot-holes I remember at 1AM in the morning and generally get it ready for posting. Oh, and finish the cover art. Can't forget that.

The upshot is, I think we're looking at this starting to go up some time in late January. Given that'll make a six-month gap from the completion of History of a Catastrophe, I did consider posting it two chapters a week, as I did back with To Catch a Falling Star. However, the upcoming fic lacks the natural flip-flop structure of Falling Star and each chapter averages 6000 words instead of 3000, so I think I'll stick to weekly. And that'll give me time to be extremely chill about finishing the series coda, which is a nice thought.

I *might* end up posting the prologue for this fic on here at some point prior to Christmas, just because I'm really proud of it and I have some lovely patient readers who've been waiting for me to finish this thing. We'll see.

Regardless, in the meantime, I'll leave you with some cheerful cackling since sometimes, remembering where you got the name for a work just delights you all over again.

And sometimes, I am a total monster.

I saw two shooting stars last night I wished on them, but they were only satellites It's wrong to wish on space hardware I wish, I wish, I wish you'd care

From 'A New England' by Kirsty MacColl

[scalamore]

Updates

Finally finished uploading Chaper 1 of the YM novel on the site. Plan is to continue with daily updates around 2pm PST/ 1am UAE / 7am Australia until chapter 30, then will probably cut down to 2 chapters a week (to be determined)

it took me forever but I finally added previous/next links. I'm not a computer science person. I tried there was a lot of trial and error ;_; Manhwa

I don't think the studios (in this case, DAON) will post an announcement when the series will go on break. I've been noticing a trend that they'll announce it the week of when a series ends... not much for an announcement :I

I think for chapter 106 the first half will be the last bits of RupeLali cuteness, and maybe the second half is very condensed with Countess Lemille's conniving and sneaky faces + Aunt Amelia daring to show her face + ending with the start of Rupert's Emperor coronation which I am not ready for omg

Chapter 106 on Aug 4th, and a regularly scheduled break Aug 11th.. and then pain.

I'm sorry if I'm overhyping things for you guys so disclaimer, please have appropriate expectations ^^; What is pain and suffering for me + max delicious drama might not be the same for you.

But yeah, I think chapter 106 is the last bits of RupeLali cuteness we will get in a ridiculously long time.... either chapter 118ish, or Season 4 whichever comes sooner ;_____;

[whitleyschn33]

I know RWBY's nonsensical/nonexistent timeliness has been talked to death already, but usually it's talk about post-Beacon. I want to talk about the Beacon school year, because I was trying to figure out how much time is between V2 ending and V3 beginning, and I kinda spiraled, oops.

So like I said, I wanted to find out how much time was in between the V2 finale and the V3 premire. Going off only what I remember off the top of my head (I haven't dug through transcripts (yet)), Weiss says in V2 that the tournament is held at the end of the year, and we see that the tournament takes place in the fall. This confused me for a moment, as I'd assumed they'd be following the typical American school year format, or if not then the Japanese format, but the end of the school year being in fall doesn't line up with that. In my defense, I was wondering about this half-asleep at 1am, so it took me too long to think "Oh, they're going by a typical American university schedule, with the first semester being the spring semester." Okay, that works, spring semester with a summer break (probably like a month), and then a fall semester with a month or two winter break before starting again in late winter/early spring. V1 Beacon doesn't exactly look like spring or winter, but seasons are weird in Vale anyway with the seasonal forests, so whatever.

...

But then I remembered Ciel, and her comment about Ruby being 15.

If this is the end of the fall semester, aka November, then Ruby should be 16. If Ciel is correct, then this would mean it has to be October at the very latest, which makes no sense as a month to end the year on and would mean Ruby hung around Patch for months before leaving, or that Ruby is actually 14 through most of Beacon, which just seems wrong. It would also throw off this idea I've had about how Remnant age of majority works, being either 17 (when you can enter an academy) or 21 (how old you should be when finishing 4 years at an academy). Ruby has also been said by CRWBY to be 16 in Haven, so that would throw the entire time (even more) out of balance.

So I went googling, and found a dedicated fan timeline that said CRWBY had said somewhere that Ciel was in fact wrong with the 15 comment. I'd link it, but I'm on mobile at work, and it should be the first thing you see when you Google rwby timeline. This made me both pissed and pleased, as of course the only actual in show age we're given would be wrong, but pleased because if the creators specifically said the age is wrong, then the tournament most likely is meant to be in November and CRWBY realized that their Halloween birthday for Ruby made that complicated.

So.

What I'm going to be working with is Beacon starts its year in January or February, has a month or so summer break, and then ends in November, with the tournament at the end of the school year after classes have been wrapped up and a month or two of a winter break in between years - which would make a lot of sense, wanting students to be home with their families for the gloomy winter months to try and stave off some additional negativity and/or combat the Grimm the negativity of the winter months might bring. I really think Vale absolutely doesn't look like it's February in V1, but whatever, I'll deal with it, this is the time line that makes the most sense to me.

[separatist-apologist]

hi MB! i'm curious what your writing schedule is like? how long does it take you to write something? how long do you hold on to a piece or edit it before you post? you seem to have a really quick output of your work while keeping a high quality, it's very impressive!

It feels weird to talk about my writing schedule since I've done so little the last two weeks. I typically do the majority of my writing mon-friday 8am-4pm in between like, needing to be in office and present in my work tasks. I don't sleep well and so sometimes I'll be up 1am-3am writing.

As for editing, unless LB offers to look through my doc, I do very little. I have a grammarly subscription that catches most of my worst impulses but I was rereading TSIDSB last night like cringing because I can tell I wrote it too quickly and can feel my own pressure to finish quickly over like, taking my time and teasing it out.

It ebbs and flows too. I have so many nearly finished things from these like, bursts to inspo and then getting bored that sometimes I think it can feel like I'm doing more than I am at any given time. I have an old bunch of screenshots of my WIP google folder and there are like, 90 something docs in there. I pick them apart all the time

[tangentsimmer]

A Friend, Indeed (xoxo, Ari Ito✨ || The Sims 4: Get Famous)

CONTENT WARNING: Sexual themes, drug and alcohol use mentioned in this post and are intended for mature audiences. Reader discretion advised.

Ari's head was spinning. It was after 1AM by the time Ari walked out of the studio. The air was humid as it had just finished raining a few minutes ago. The city lit up; San Myshuno never sleeps.

Ari and Krishna worked to fine tune Ari's songs for her EP, titled Talk To Me, which had four songs. Track #4 features a local San Myshuno rapper and good friend of Ari's, Wade Sharpe (stage name: WADE). Ari re-recorded some vocals with Krishna, and together they created magic, making Ari's EP sound better than ever. Ari felt a moment of pride as they listened to the final tracks together. Ari shared the final tracks with WADE via FaceTime, and he was pumped for its release as well. This is ready, she thought. I'm ready.

By 11:45 PM, the EP was completed and ready to be released by the label, just in time for the surprise drop and tour announcement at midnight.

By 11:50 PM, Akira made his way over from his apartment to the studios with a bottle of champagne to celebrate.

"To Ari's current and future success, and to Talk To Me!" Akira raised his glass of champagne as a toast, and everyone followed suit, cheering as the clock stuck midnight, and all scheduled posts were sent out into the world. Ari just shared 4 new songs to the world, one of which she had written years ago in her song diary as a teenager. A song that was her baby, now out for everyone to hear. And to perceive. The feeling of dread hit Ari briefly before dissipating because now? Well, now, she's going on tour. What a dream.

Ding. Ding. Ding ding. dingdingdingdingdingdin-

10 new followers. 80 new followers. 750 new followers.

hunterhuntsley, and 3.9k others followed you.

hunterhuntsley tagged you and 3 others in a post.

hunterhuntsley, WADE, and 30,348 people liked your post.

dreamerdirk followed you.

By 12:05 AM, Ari was trending all over mainstream media. She was gaining hundreds of likes, comments, and followers every minute. Other celebrities were reaching out, following, praising Ari's music. Hunter's fans were flooding Ari's social media with praise and speculations about the collab between her and their favorite artist.

"Oh, we're making waves now, baby!" A very drunk Krishna passed around high fives throughout the room.

By 12:15 AM, the internet managed to dissect, criticize, and worship Ari's life, music, personality, and body. According to tabloids, "Ari Ito and Hunter Huntsley: Power Pop Couple™" have been secretly dating for months and that's why Ari gets to open for him on tour. Who even is she? Other "news" sources shame Ari for touring with the "Playboy of San My." Doesn't she respect herself at all? It's sad.

By 12:20 AM, Ari's EP was trending alongside Hunter Huntsley's album and tour. Ari was up to 210k followers on simstagram. The comments on her posts ranged from entirely supportive to downright hateful.

"You should stop reading about yourself online, it never helps." Akira was shuffling out of his shoes as he and Ari entered his apartment, located conveniently across the street from Dinky Beats Studios. The rest of the crew went their separate ways for the night, giving Ari and Akira some time to hang before Ari's flight back home to Oasis Springs later this afternoon. "It's hardly good for your mental health."

"I'm not reading about myself." Ari crossed her arms in defense, much to Akira's amusement. He smirked, rolling his eyes as he emptied his pockets into the tray by the door. "Akira, this is a really big deal. I've been wanting to release an album for a long time. I mean, yeah, it's just an EP, but it's a start. And now I'm about to open for a celebrity, like an actual, real touring celebrity! And so many people are saying so many things, and it's crazy. Dirk Dreamer followed me, by the way!" Ari placed a hand on her forehead, trying to process. Her mind was moving as fast as the popups on her phone. "I feel like I should be a lot more pumped than I am right now. Right now I'm just...overwhelmed. I was happier earlier today in the studio, but now?"

Akira placed his hands on Ari's shoulders. "I know. That's your body telling you that you need to step away for a bit and come back to it later. Come on." Akira dropped his arms and pulled his phone of out of his jacket pocket. He turned it off and placed it on the end table by the door. He reached out his hand to Ari. "Hand it here. I have a some joints with our names on 'em, and some cool albums to show you. Check your socials later once you digest all the stuff that's already happened. For now, let's shed the phones and enjoy the moment. Because, you're right. This is a huge deal. And you deserve to be here in this moment."

Ari took another look at her phone, now on silent. The notifications have been raining in for the last half hour, and they weren't slowing down. Ari wasn't convinced she could even use her phone without it crashing right now anyway. She surrendered the phone to Akira. He placed it beside his.

"Okay," Ari sighed, "but I need to wash this day off of me. Also, can you make me a margarita? I need to get festive."

Akira laughed, heading towards the kitchen bar, turning on various lights along the way. Ari watched in amusement as he pulled two margarita glasses from the bar, gathering the ingredients for the drinks. Akira methodically poured and garnished both drinks, much to Ari's delight.

"Whoa, Chef A! You, sir, are going to make a lady very happy someday." Ari internally kicked herself when she realized what she said, overanalyzing how it sounded. She laughed weakly, hitting the joint, her gaze shifting to the ground. This amused Akira, smirking as he poured their drinks.

"So I've been told." Akira winks, placing Ari's drink in front of her as he strategically swiped the joint from her mouth.

"Hey!"

He was already laughing from the other room. "Have a nice shower!"

Ari rolled her eyes playfully before taking a sip of her margarita. Damn, this is delicious. Some shuffling around could be heard from the living room and then sounds of record scratching. Selena Quintanilla's voice soon filled the rooms. Ari smiled before throwing back the rest of her margarita, making a mental note to always have margaritas made by Akira, because god was that truly one of the best drinks she's ever had. Ari noticed earlier that Akira had an insane amount of vinyls and CDs scattered around his apartment in organized mountains (organized by genre and year, according to Akira), so it was no surprise that he would also have Selena on vinyl. Coincidence? Probably not. It was public knowledge that she grew up listening to Selena. Still, Ari thought the gesture was sweet.

Ari was able to make her way to the guest room where she slept the previous night after initially coming to visit. The bathroom was luxurious, with stone floors and a large soaking tub. Ari was able to briefly enjoy the shower yesterday morning before heading into the studio, and it was heaven. Ari decided to take a bath this time, and began to run the water. As she soaked, she was trying (and failing) to ignore the probable near-thousands of notifications that were on her phone right now. Also, Dirk Dreamer follows her!

A knock at the door snapped Ari out of her thoughts. "I made more drinks!" Akira's voice chimed in from the other side of the door. "They're in the fridge when you get out."

Ari smiled devilishly, feeling a lot more confident thanks to that last drink. "That sounds perfect. Think you could bring it to me now?"

Silence. Ari bit back a smile, imagining Akira's bewilderment.

"Er, uh...you want me to come in?" Ari was having more fun than she wanted to admit flirting with Akira.

"Yeah? I'm out of my drink, and I'd rather not get out the bath to get another one."

"So...you're in the bath." Akira said this as more of a statement and less of a question.

"Yes."

"And you want me to come in."

"Yeah." Ari listened with a satisfied grin as Akira walked to the kitchen to pour another drink and walk back to the bathroom door. She batted her lashes at Akira as he opened the door slowly. His eyes flashed with desire briefly before composing himself, handing her the drink. Ari chuckled, reaching out for the drink, exposing her breasts, relishing the attention. "You can join me if you'd like, Akira. I'd like that a lot, actually."

Turns out, Akira was more than happy to join her.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Ari and Akira sat on the couch with their own joints. It was after 5AM, according to Akira's wall clock. The sun began to make its appearance in the sky. Ari and Akira's phones were still by the front door. Ari spent the last few hours listening to albums with Akira and discovering just how incredibly skilled he was in bed. And on couches. And countertops.

Ari exhaled, breaking the silence they shared. Ari appreciated that she could sit in silence with Akira and be comfortable. "Did you already have Selena on vinyl," she asked over the music, "or did you go out and buy it after reading my article?" Akira laughed at Ari's jest mid-inhale, causing him to cough. Ari chuckled.

"Actually, no," Akira responded once his coughing fit subsided. He drank some water. "I already had the vinyl, thank you very much. My dad and I collect vinyls and CDs. Sometimes we trade back and forth, trying to get each other into new and old music, ya know? Kind of like what I'm doing with you right now," he laughs.

"Selena was in a stash of vinyls he mailed to me a while back. It's actually one of my favorites, so I kept it. She was incredible."

"Yeah, she was."

The two sat in silence again for a while, staring at the cloudy sky through the large glass windows. The morning breeze was blowing through the loft, making the air cold. Ari shivered.

"Are you scared at all?"

It was Akira who broke the silence this time.

"Scared of what? Going on tour?"

"Well, yeah, I guess. I mean...fame in general. I mean, look at what happened to Selena." For a moment after saying those words, the air felt still, despite the breeze. Ari frowned.

"I just want to share my art," she admitted after a moment. "I want a fun way to express what I do. There's a risk in everything, I guess. I don't worry about that so much as I worry about losing myself. I don't wanna do that. I don't want to have to change for anybody, but I don't want to let anybody down."

Akira shifted his gaze from the floor to Ari. She continued to stare at the floor.

"You won't," he murmured, studying her face.

Even with her face bunched from worry, Ari was still the most beautiful woman Akira had ever seen. He was mesmerized by the way her silky black hair framed her face. Her eyes seemed to always twinkle. Her lips were perfectly pouted. Akira felt connected to Ari. The attraction was driving him crazy. Physical aspects aside, Ari was a really cool person to know. She was funny, confident, sexy, and smart. Her personality was electrifying. Her knowledge of music, expansive. Akira realized that Ari was someone you pull an all-nighter with listening to records in your penthouse apartment. He hasn't had that with anybody in a long time. Not since her...

Akira shook his head quickly, dispelling the thoughts before they had a chance to run wild. He took Ari's hand. She gasped lightly, getting caught by surprise. Ari was lost in her own thoughts, too.

"Ari, I hope you know that no one is more deserving of this than you." Her eyes twinkled. "You deserve this recognition, and you deserve to be celebrated." Akira leaned into Ari, using the tip of his nose to trace circles on Ari's neck as he spoke. "And I personally really enjoy celebrating with you and wouldn't mind doing it again." Ari shivered, going mad.

"Don't you think we've celebrated enough for one night?" Ari laughed shakily. Her laughs turned into sighs turned into moans as Akira's hand began to roam.

"I could celebrate with you over and over and over, but that's just me," Akira murmured, causing Ari to shiver again. Ari couldn't see his face, but she could feel him smile as he teased her.

"You've made a lady very happy today, by the way." Ari sighs, leaning in to Akira's gentle touches.

[koselz]

Anxiety time! Thinking about the future time! Gotta spit out my thoughts in my own life! Boy I really gotta put my life in order while I still have time. It's not too late.

I gotta start sleeping earlier, I have terrible sleep schedule thanks especially to my phone. JUST GOTTA start sleeping earlier

Gotta try to study something, I have a computer now, I gotta go back to studying something while I still can.

Gotta try and do my game that I'm making. I really wanna do it, but I keep procrastinating. I gotta try focusing on that. Hmm, everytime I try to go on with it I keep distracting myself, I need to stop it, I need to focus on it.

Gotta write all the stories and fun things I wanna. And draw the stuff I wanna draw too.

I still have some time. Imma try starting small, especially with sleeping well and finishing my game. Gonna try studying again too. I'm just feeling bad today because I didn't do NOTHING today, I did none of these things, didn't get out of my place. Wasn't productive at all.

Last post I talked about how I like to write and see distinct characters, in my game and stories I WANNA write distinct characters, I have so much dialogue and fun stuff, but I can't focus and work on them to put them out and have my fun. Imma try tho, it's Friday, I have a free Saturday and Sunday to work on my game and do a bunch of things. I also have more time coming since next weeks we're gonna have a bunch of national holidays. Imma try to work on my stuff more.

About the study. Imma try doing it soon too, dunno when, BUT I WILL. About the sleep, well, Imma try starting it right now, lol. Gonna turn off my PC and go the fuck to sleep while listening to hours of iceberg videos. It's 1AM already, kinda late. But I'm used to sleeping like 4AM so it's super early to me, MY CHANCE! Buh bye.

Here's a thinking Dendy. Careful Dendy, this bird's gonna poop on you.

[4r0rua]

Ive been so depressed lately its insane.

I feel bad, i was so much smaller when me and my bf got together and ive let myself go. Its unfair to him. If im not gonna get smaller for myself i need to get smaller for him.

Also my mom has been accidentally making me feel worse. The last 2 times ive seen her shes talked about how my little sisters have lost weight. I cant help but feel like shes trying to make me feel like shit. I refuse to be the biggest in my family.

I cleaned my room so im feeling alot more motivated in life. Unfortunately yesterday i fucked my sleep schedule is just fixed and woke up today at like 1am. Its ok tho rn ive only drank water so its a good way to start. Im gonna pop my vitamins and begin my f@st.

Since my binge 3d has been back im gonna just try to make it to 12 hours, eat maybe like 300-400 cxls and then f@st for 24 hours.

I need to finish off my chai tmmrw tho so i can go back to strictly green tea.

Im so exhausted and tired of binging. Ive lost almost all progress ive made. I need to find a way to distract myself. I need melatonin so i can just sleep. Im gonna make a post ab things to do instead of eat. At this point my binge 3d is back to how it was years ago before i fixed it. Ive overcame my bul1m1@ so ive been just digesting all the insane amounts of c@ls.

Ive always had the idea to make a fitness page known either tiktok or YouTube, issue is id have to pretend to be healthy while r3str1ct1ng.. itd keep me busy and id be forced to stick to it. Itd also be a great way to deter my family and friends from suspecting @n@ to be back. The absolute dream wld be some clout and get the brand deals for the diet tea and shit haha. Idk i probably wont as that would include showing my body off to the internet and im terrified of that.. also id probably get canceled 💀 especially if my 3d were to be found out. Idk i managed to hide my 3d from everyone before 😭😭.

Im feeling alot better after thping on here, im gonna maybe make some more posts, scroll thru my tags and then read idk.

[tenpintsof-sundrop]

Having god awful insomnia lately but it is so fun to see you on my dash at these hours so that's nice, at least. -Rotten Anon

I'm sorry that you're having insomnia :( I have experienced really terrible insomnia before - mainly before I got on the right birth control that helped a lot of my symptoms, so I definitely know how shitty and awful it is

When I was in high school, I used to go for up to four days without sleeping. There was times when I took tests and had them handed back to me graded without remembering that I took the fucking test in the first place

One time I went an entire weekend without sleeping - Thursday, Friday, Saturday, and on Sunday, my mom invited me to go antique shopping with her - and I thought that getting out and doing some activity would finally make me exhausted enough to fall asleep. So I went with her and I ended up staring into a random mirror for ten minutes thinking it was a portrait of someone who looked eerily like me (a la the Haunted Mansion - how the deceased bride from years ago has a portrait that looks a lot like the modern wife). Shit was bonkers

Luckily, now, even if I don't always sleep well and sleep is still something I struggle with, my body does get exhausted enough to TKO after like 48 hours. Which I consider lucky after the hell of being awake for like 78 hours and feeling like I can smell colours and not being able to fall asleep no matter what I try

But right now, I am on such a weird sleep schedule. Which does happen to me often. My ideal sleep schedule is going to bed at light 9pm (I am not even kidding) and waking up comfortably at 6am or 7am. I like having some quiet time to myself before everyone else gets up - cause that's usually when I get a lot of writing done. Even if I wake up at like 4am when it's still dark out, I don't mind that, because I can get that peaceful alone time - I know a lot of people prefer to do that at like 1am-3am after everyone else falls asleep, but I don't really like that because I don't like to have my alone time after I have done a full day of activities and I'm already exhausted. At that point I would rather just sleep lmao

But to me, prime time for peaceful alone time is from 3am-8:30am before everyone else gets up and starts their day - I can get breakfast, watch TV, fuck around, and I get a lot of writing done during this time.

But because of my illness, my 'schedule' is not even a schedule. At any given of the month, I could be waking up at 9am or 9pm and going to bed at 5pm or 5am. I literally have no schedule whatsoever (which my online posting reflects lmao)

For the past few days, I have been going to sleep midafternoon - at like 1pm, 2pm, 3pm and waking up at MIDNIGHT. which is my least fucking favourite time to wake up ever. it's too late to eat dinner with my family so I end up eating cereal or something for dinner? and it's waaay to 'early' to call it 'morning' - and I end up being tired for BED by fucking lunch time. ass oclock time to wake up

but I have been taking advantage of it in order to work on a fic lmao. yesterday I wrote 3k on a fic - and if I keep up that pace, then I'll have another finished oneshot in order to be edited and posted later (because editing is the part that takes up the most braincells. I can't do that shit right now)

ANYWAY I HAVE BEEN RAMBLING SO MUCH OMG. I am glad that my presence online is making you smile <333