#it healed up fine though and now theres just a little scar. so not really unless i get scurvy or something.

[valtsv]

i did actually attend a catholic school as a kid because it was the only school within walking distance and my parents worked all week so they couldn't drop me off elsewhere and while i was there one of the other kids stabbed me through the hand with a pencil during a fight so i guess i'm like. 1/5th stigmatic.

[lucadrawss]

Do you mind Info dumping about Ai? I need to know everything about him.

:O

OF COURSE!

Thank you for giving me permission to ramble about my beloved Zexal OC! :D

(I apologise this is so long)

Ai's 15 though people always tell me he looks older. He's about 6ft and stubborn as fuck. I'm aware that's tall for his age but he's a dragon so he's allowed to be tall >:(

His personality was originally a combination of Shark's, Astral's and Yuma's in his first design which I kept when I gave him his current design (I just like the thought of him being an ass but also being kinda nice).

I put alot of thought into his design and what parts of it could represent as I do with all my OCs, every single tiny detail has a reason.

(I draw horns differently now)

I unintentionally gave him similar eyes to Astral but I kept it because it suits him in my opinion.

If you can't tell he's gay, super gay (asexual as well). I tried to make him look as fruity as possible.

Ai normally wears a jacket to cover his scars since he's ashamed of how he got them (bad home life) but at times will feel comfortable with them on show. The gloves cover some scars too, but he hardly takes those off.

I attempt to draw him in platform boots but fail every time. Despite being tall af, he likes the boots so tends to wear them.

The earrings were actually passed down in his family, he got them from his father (who faked his own death basically) when he was 5 and almost always wears them as a comfort item.

Ai doesn't chose for his nails to be that long, they're claws. They grow back pretty quickly so he just gave up cutting them since they stop at a certain length, he just paints them now.

Yes his hair colour is natural, his older sister has it too. He has a good relationship with his sister. (Her names Gi, she's 28 and a paramedic)

Obviously Ai is a duelist. I'm uncreative so he tends to use dragon cards mainly (I know I know boring).

With relationship stuff, currently nothing yet. @renaakabane ships him with Astral though. Idk I think its kinda cute but I'm not entirely sure yet. Though she has me considering it.

He has one friend, Shark. Eventually he ends up becoming friends with Yuma, Astral, the whiny bitch that is Tori, ect, but Shark was one of the only people he really trusted.

The guys a fucking dragon so obviously I'm gonna give him dragon features. He does have the ability for wings but I never draw them. I drew them once, in a sketch, it looks bad, I was exhausted. I have drawn them though for a thing showing the detail of his dragon type. These are his:

The purple fade is because of healing, Ai tore both his wings at some point and thats basically them scarring. He doesn't know how to fly though so its fine. :)

This. I don't necessarily think these need much of an explanation.

I'll explain the fire thing though. Ai's type of dragon obviously has the ability to create fire. Its difficult to do but they can light their sweat, plus they have a gland in their throat that releases an odorless and colourless gas which they can light by creating a spark with their teeth. They're fire resist to a degree so they can still burn and can stand more heat than the average person but again they can't entirely stand it.

His type of dragon can hide their features to appear more human, hence this image where he looks relatively human:

He's a fucking dumbass though he is rather smart and strategic, he's a good student grades wise and is a good duelist too. Anything else? He makes dumb decisions and gets into trouble often. Dumb decisions include doing reckless stuff or eating flowers. Theres more dumb shit he does though.

I like drawing him like this:

He curses so often, isn't afraid to insult people and will physically fight them.

I also tend to go into mental detail with my OCs. Ai has ADHD and anxiety issues (such as PTSD and often has panic attacks, because I base my OCs off of myself a little. All of them have at least some element that reflects myself.)

His hobbies include: drawing, music (guitar, he cuts his nails every time before hand), dancing and dueling.

Ai likes dresses :) (Oh god old art. I really need to redraw this its terrible.)

My friends tend to go on about how its stereotyping because he's a gay guy and feminine but let a guy enjoy a dress come on, his sexuality is not the reason I designed him to enjoy that type of thing. I just wanna be able to draw him in a dress :(

Pretty sure I've gone through almost everything, I'll stop before it gets any longer haha. Thank you for letting me talk about him!

[gaybd1]

You have 8 tattoos? I love tattoos! Can you tell us about them?

hahahahaha will i ever! us gays, we love talkin bout our tattoos!

lmk if you wanna see pictures of any of them!!

My first tattoo was on my left ribs when i was like 19. it says something in hebrew and was a religious thing but i want to get it covered up

I have a compass on my left wrist. I had a VERY thought-out plan of what it was supposed to look like and its basically a reminder to me to keep moving forward in life but the artist really just did his own thing for it and it's ugly but i dont really mind

same artist for the compass did a really cool pointillism succulent on my right ankle but it just looks like a flower and healed pretty bad so it's real faded. but it looks fine i guess and i also dont really mind that it doesnt

i drew a picture of like a heartbeat monitor line that looked like mountains on a napkin at gay brunch in boystown in chicago when i was in college and took it to the tattoo place next door for the guy to put on my left bicep in the trans flag colors. he... tattooed exactly what i drew lol and didn't make it look cooler or anything but still charged me like $200 us for it. and this was like ten years ago so who knows what that is with inflation

i got a really cool koi fish on my upper left arm. i think its really beautiful and it symbolizes like overcoming adversity. an artist in taiwan did it and shes really amazing, but she works in amsterdam now so if i have any followers around there lmk bc you NEED a tattoo from this lady

the same artist did a pirate ship on my upper left arm, it says "know no shame" bc i like pirates and that was a beautiful plot line in black sails and yeah it reminds me not to be ashamed of my identity

I have a pine tree on my upper left arm bc two of my siblings and i wanted to get matching tattoos and they all got trees that meant something to them (tree of life, tree of gondor) so i picked a pine tree bc it looked cool and also my moms side of the family is scottish and theres a pine tree on our clan crest

when i went home to visit my family last summer my grandpa had just passed away. i wasnt super close with him but my sister had him draw a flower on his ipad before he died and she wanted to get a tattoo of it, so i did too bc i thought it was sweet

I want to finish up this little half sleeve ive got going on my arm. my next thing i want is a phoenix on my shoulder, and its tail can kind of come down the arm and kind of bring all the pieces together?

i also one day want to shave my head, get a tattoo on my scalp, and then grow my hair back out so i have like a secret tattoo there? not sure what id get though

when i finally get my top surgery i might do a big chest tattoo over those scars. maybe some vines? i wont need to bc surgery scars heal real nicely on me but i might just want something on my chest u know?

[spidermanifested]

rough and definitely not comprehensive list of AUs Where Bido Survives And Has Nice Things ive thought of. yes i think about this too much. no i will not stop

bido is not around the meat shop when the soldiers are there and does not go looking for greed in central, stays around the vicinity of the nest and greed somehow still gets his memories back and goes to dublith and they reunite with no stabbing

follows greed to the soupening and tries to rescue him and ends up also being soupened, resulting in his soul becoming part of greeds philosophers stone and popping back up later on

He Just Simply Survives Being Stabbed and hangs out in the sewers and becomes the king of the giant chimeras guarding the place and they pop out of the ground and wreck father when hes about to try absorbing greed during the final fight

He Just Simply Survives Being Stabbed and follows ling to the house where he meets up with ed and darius and heinkel. and ed heals him with greeds philosophers stone and everything is fine and normal though there is emotional turmoil and such

He Just Simply Survives Being Stabbed.....and greed Notices This! he is holding him and screaming and whatever and ling is like hang on stop screaming you absolute moron hes still breathing. and greed is like oh shit. oh fuck. what do we do. and lings like we are going to need to be a little bit smart about this so please shut up and do what i tell you. so he takes him to father and is like.... hey pops i was chasing this chimera for fun and i was a little too rough with it but i dont want it to die can you fix it (technically none of this is a lie). father is kind of suspicious (why is there a HUMAN chimera in the tunnels???) but hes out of the loop enough that he didnt know about greeds gang of furries and is like okay fine whatever i dont want him to rebel again heres your fucked up lizard thing. and bido once being healed just runs away full tilt and greed is like. ......well thanks dad! (shit shit shit) and goes after him and when he catches up to him bidos just in a cranny sobbing and theres Emotional Turmoil! And Such! but they come to an understanding and bust out of the tunnels and eventually meet up with some group of main characters or another

he does Not just simply survive being stabbed BUT his blood going all over greed does some kind of alchemy thing and his soul goes in the philosophers stone and he is just in there now and there is, once again, emotional turmoil and such. this is the one im trying to write right now but probably will not finish

father reforms greed in his normal body instead of putting him in ling so bido recognizes him instantly and the conversation goes differently and greed basically goes maybe i dont remember this guy but he says hes mine so im keeping him and bido gradually convinces him to ditch the rest of the homunculi by Dropping Hints that they Suck while greed slowly gets his memories back

bido gets caught by that random evil guy talking to olivier in the mannequin room and bluffs his way into making him think he works for father and by a mixture of putting pieces together and getting REALLY lucky ends up convincing the guy to set up a meeting with greed in private without telling wrath (because the information is “from higher up than that and is for greeds ears only”). so again the conversation goes differently/with less murder because its under the pretenses of a “meeting with an informant” though bido still tells greed basically the whole truth once theyre alone. and while greeds reeling from all this wrath comes in because he found out after all and greed has to basically choose in that split second whether to let bido get killed or protect him and in doing so betray the homunculi. three guesses what he picks

greed also escapes from the raid on the nest and he and bido go on the run and team up with scars party and they are all friends and they work together :^)

the raid on the nest just does not happen and the whole gang is happy and alive and nothing bad ever happens to them and they are a big furry found family who all love and care for each other so very much

bido go back in time and warn everybody!!!!!!!! and everyone is okay because he did that!!!!! how did he do that? i dont know but people write things like this sometimes so bido can do it too

everything happens as normal but there are many tearful reunions in the afterlife and everyone gets to just hang out and relax and not worry and have SO much alcohol. as much as they want. forever

greed human transmutations bido back to life and it works because neither of them are human. checkmate truth

ghosts are REAL and bido is a GHOST and he HAUNTS GREED (in a nice and not mean way) and greed does not realize this until after getting somehow brought back to life post canon and hes walking around and some person with the ability to see ghosts is like hey you uh. you got a ghost on you there. and they figure out how to communicate and bido is able to tell greed he forgives him and he is happy hes found new friends

bido uses his powers and abilities to destroy king bradley on sight and goes and tells father and the rest of the homunculi to simply stop being evil and they listen to him. then he makes out with greed for 3 hours

actually all of these have to end with greed being in his own body (and bido being in HIS own body if he didnt have one over the course of the au) and then them making out for 3 hours i dont care how. it can happen. make it happen. i want the papers on my desk by six o clock sharp

[hermits-that-craft]

This Is Home - Nonbinary Iskall

AO3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25972159

*Laughs in agender* it’s projection time

Iskall stares into the mirror, trying to work out what’s wrong. He doesn’t understand it. Something feels wrong, and he can’t work it out. Tears well up in his eyes, threatening to fall out even as he tries to blink them away.

His hair hits his shoulders now.

Everyone says it looks nice, Stress will braid it absentmindedly if he sits down in hermit meetings, no one pokes fun at his hair. No one pokes fun at him, most of the hermits even saying that he looks really nice with it. Iskall runs his hands through it, wondering why it feels so wrong , so unnatural . He thought he liked it!

Maybe it’s too short.

---

"Your hair is looking nice today my dude!" Ren says from the doorway of The Omega Store, watching as Iskall restocks. Something eats away at Iskall's stomach, confusing him. The same thing that makes him feel bad looking in a mirror is here .

"Thank you!" Iskall tries to smile, trying to ignore the chaotic dread growing in his gut.

"You should grow it longer, it suits you!" Ren pats Iskall on the back. "Be the first man in hermitcraft with middle of the back long hair!"

Man . That's not right. Why is that not right?

---

Iskall stares at the computer screen, reading over the words. Transgender. Euphoria. Dysphoria. The words wash over Iskall. The words make sense, the words fit him - her? - situation.

She.

Iskall will try she .

---

Iskall lets her hair grow out, subtly asking Stress for help. She came out to Stress soon after, when Stress offered to cut her hair.

Stress was lovely, accepting her. So was Grian, and Mumbo. Scar too, jokingly saying that Iskall started in the body Scar should have started in.

She doesn't tell anyone else, and the jungle hermits keep their lips locked.

---

Iskall stares in the mirror, wondering why she still has dysphoria, why isn't it stopping? She thought she had it figured out.

She collapses to the floor, tears jerking out of her eyes. It isn't fair.

---

“Your hair looks nice today.” Cub says, sitting next to Iskall as the hermits slowly show up for the weekly meeting. “It’s getting pretty long, since you can put it into a bun.”

“Yeah.” Iskall looks towards the middle of the room, panic in her brain. She isn’t a girl. She isn't a boy. None of this makes sense .

Stress thinks she should come out at the meeting today.

She can’t. She cant come out, not when she doesn’t know who she is. Not when none of this makes sense . Stress sends her a thumbs up from across the room, and fear settles in her heart, digging and clawing its way into her veins. This isn’t right .

Iskall can’t hear Xisuma speak. Her - no, her isn’t right. Why aren't any of them right? They is nice, but no one will respect that. He, she, those are singular. The hermits would -

“Iskall, you wanted to say something?” Xisuma says quietly, and Iskall’s head snaps up. Everyone is looking at them, and they can’t speak, they can’t think , it hurts . None of the hermits have any eyes, it’s too bright theres too many colours here. They stand, nervousness eating at their throat.

And they run.

They can’t think, it hurts too much. There’s too much here. They can’t think , it’s too much. They run, then they fall off something and they fly. They can’t even tell what dimension they’re in, everything merges together and they can hardly see let alone think about where they are.

They crash land into the side of something, curling up into a ball where they land. It hurts . It hurts, their entire side blooming in pain. They never should have gone to the meeting, they never should have told anyone that they thought they were a girl. They aren’t a girl! They aren’t a boy! They just are .

---

They sit in Doc’s bathroom, a pair of scissors in their hands. Doc found them, shivering and bruised, on top of the Goat Mother after they flew off. Doc didn’t ask anything, didn’t judge them as they were brought into his half of the mansion, just letting them rest and heal. They stared at the ceiling of the room, tears in their eyes. They don’t want to fall asleep, not yet.

Doc didn’t ask why they left. Doc didn’t judge, just handing them a pair of scissors when they asked for them.

They bring the scissors to their hair, taking a deep breath in. They start cutting, tearing unevenly through their hair as they struggle to reach the back of their head. They don’t stop, not until the tears block their vision and their hand shakes too much to continue. They collapse to the floor, holding onto the sink as they try to stop crying.

Doc runs in, shock on his face as he sees Iskall kneeling on the floor, sobbing into the side of the sink. Doc helps Iskall up, helping them to a seat outside the bathroom.

“Is it your side?” Doc asks quietly, kneeling by their side.

“I’m not a boy.” Iskall blurts out, tears in their eyes. “I’m not a girl either, I can’t keep pretending , Doc.”

“Okay.” Doc says, smiling at them. “That’s, that’s amazing. They/them?”

“ Yes .” Iskall sobs, pulling Doc into a hug. “Thank you.”

“Does Stre- Anyone else know?”

“No.”

“That’s alright. You don’t have to tell them if you aren’t ready.”

---

Iskall stayed with Doc for a few days, ignoring the hermits and building small redstone circuits under Doc’s back garden. They don’t speak that much, getting used to their pronouns. To hear them said. It’s nice. They don’t want to leave. It’s safe, working under the garden as Doc plants bushes and flowers.

“The others are worried about you.” Doc calls down into the hole that Iskall is sitting in, trying to invent a better redstone circuit. “You need to tell them that you’re okay, even if it’s just in the group chat. I think they might raid if you don’t.”

They don’t want to. They don’t want to see the rejection in the others eyes. They haven’t even worked out what they are, though Doc suggested ‘Nonbinary’ and ‘Agender’. The first one fits like an oversized sweater, comforting and large. The second one fits better, though Iskall doesn’t know if they’ll use it. The agender flag is nice though.

“You don’t have to, I could send a picture to the group chat, but I think Xisuma will come around anyways.” Doc slides down the ladder, walking over to them. “You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to.”

“You sound like a Dad.”

“I’ll call you kid later,” Doc smirks, messing with Iskall’s hair, “or kiddo.”

---

Iskall hides behind a wall, trying to ignore the fear in their chest as Xisuma, Stress, Grian and Mumbo talk to Doc. They can’t breathe, not as the small group exchanges pleasantries and small talk, clearly waiting for them. They can hear someone tap their foot impatiently, either Grian or Stress, and they try to stand, to leave the wall and face the facts.

“Is sh- Is Iskall alright?” Stress’ voice is harsh, and Iskall can’t help but to flinch away. “You said that Iskall was alright, why isn’t sh-”

“I said that they’re fine.” Doc interrupts her, and Iskall can hear the eye roll. “You petrified Iskall, no wonder they’re having trouble coming out here. You can’t force someone out, Stress.”

“What?” Xisuma says, and Iskall ducks their head around the door. Xisuma is looking at Stress, who has her hands in the air. Doc has his back to the door, though he’s clearly looking at Grian. Mumbo makes eye contact with Iskall, sending them a little wave and a questioning look.

“Doc, may I use your restroom for a second?” Mumbo asks politely, a smile under his mustache.

“Go ahead.” Doc waves off the tall redstoner, who dips behind the door, offering a hand to Iskall.

“You alright?” Mumbo mumbles.

“I’m scared.”

“Don’t be. We all love you, ‘Skall. You don’t have to be afraid.”

“I don’t think I’m a girl or a boy, Mumbo.”

“Then you’re just Iskall, unless that's not the name you want. You are you. We won’t stop supporting you because of something as simple as that .”

---

“You’re looking nice today my friend!” Ren says as Iskall restocks the Omega Store. “I like the little braids in your hair, did you do them or someone else?”

“I did them, it makes me feel nice.” Iskall smiles, a warm feeling in their chest.

Why did they think the hermits wouldn’t accept them?

They’re family.

[lu-undy]

Hc! Theres days where Spy's scars itch. Hes uncomfortable on battle because of this. It isnt an itch you can scratch away, not really, the scar tissue is dense and he can get to she skin underneath it. Snipers job is to observe, so he notices how Spy squirms under his suit trying to make that itch dissapear, but its in vain. Sniper approaches his morethanfriend to see whats the matter. Spy is reluctant at first but he opens up to Snipes. Later dat day Snipes rubs some sorta thing on the scars.🐑

Alright, here we go, I hope you’ll like it :D

The Frenchman sighed and mumbled something in French to himself. It was summer and the habit of wearing a suit was less practical now, especially when topped with a mask. He was sweating beneath his attire… 

Him and his teams were in the respawn room and the battle was about to start. As the Administrator delicately sung the countdown, he lit a cigarette to take his mind off of what was truly bothering him. 

"BEGIN!" 

The gates flashed open and he watched his colleagues pour out of the room and into the battlefield. Spy cloaked and exited the room soon after.  He ran unnoticed, passing his colleagues and soon breaching enemy lines. 

He saw the Engineer setting up and upgrading a sentry in the back. He seemed alone and thank God, the nuisance that the enemy Pyro was was nowhere to be seen around the short man. That was his chance. Spy disguised as the fire spreading specialist and put a hand in his inner pocket. 

"Hey Pyro, need some ammo, pardner?" 

Spy hissed and shook his shoulder. 

Ah merde, not now…!

"Pyro…?" 

Merde!

The Engineer realised something was fishy with the way that his friend was holding his flamethrower. He raised his wrench and struck. Spy's disguised vanished. 

Beep-beep! 

The sentry rotated and the Frenchman felt like a rabbit flashed by a car light moments before impact. He knew he was done for. 

Click. 

Respawn was never pleasant. Not only did it leave a bit of a weird feeling, like a bitter aftertaste of death that your body somehow clings onto, but it also rhymes with defeat. Die and retry, as they say. 

The Frenchman lit a new cigarette and puffed on it aggressively. He was frowning and clenching his jaw. His annoyance was written all over his body and face. 

"Y'alright, pal?" 

Scout had respawned and put a hand on his colleague's shoulder. Spy shot him a murderous glance and wiggled his shoulder away from his hand. 

"Jeez, alright…!" 

The young man made sure his scattergun was reloaded and left the spawn room. Spy waited to see the distance between himself and Scout was large enough that he could tolerate it, and then exited himself. 

Part of his job was not to bump anyone and that day, he made it a point to stand away from everyone, friends or foes. The heat tired him and his failure at sapping a lonely sentry, barely defended, made his mood bitter. 

-- Evening, at the base -- 

"Putain de merde…" 

[Bloddy hell…]

The Frenchman was alone in his room. He had just exited the shower, wearing only a white tanktop and his pyjama trousers. He was standing in his bathroom, facing his mirror, an empty small cream box in his hands. 

What had been bothering him the entire day was the itch. 

He was used to it now. Whenever it was too hot or he sweated, one of his scars, the one on his right shoulder, would trouble him. It was a deep burn mark and the skin had healed up but the new skin wasn't as good as the "normal" one. It looked more transparent and felt different to the touch. But the most annoying thing is that that patch of skin was unable to deal with heat properly. Not only did it hurt when exposed to the sun - the same way a fresh burn would, only less strongly - but it could not possibly sweat or rather, humidity would form underneath a very thin layer of skin. It itched but couldn't be scratched away. 

Spy had been used to it. Whenever it bothered him, he would get a bit of cream there, to hydrate it and cool it down. He tossed the empty cream pot to the bin and got a new one. He opened it and took some of it on his fingers. Raising his eyes, he looked at himself on the mirror. 

The burn mark was large. He could see it when facing the mirror and he knew it spread back on his shoulder blade. Spy was about to put the cream on it when a knock on the door cut him. 

"Go to hell." 

He answered loud enough for whoever was standing there to hear him. 

"Well, I'm standing at its door apparently!" 

The Frenchman recognised that voice and the slight accent. 

Fine… 

He thought. Part of him was annoyed at the interruption. But it was only part of him. He put the cream pot back on the sink and slipped his mask and a dressing gown on. The Frenchman went to the door and opened it. 

"Bushman, how may I help?" 

Obviously, Spy was being sarcastic. 

"I was goin' to ask you the same, now, d'you mind…?" 

The Frenchman rolled his eyes and let his colleague in. The Australian entered and removed his hat. 

"Am I interruptin' somethin'? Do you want me to give you a minute?" 

Sniper was hinting at the fact that the masked man was in his pyjamas quite early.

"Non. It is fine. Just tell me what you want, I have very little patience for games tonight." He coldly answered. 

"Roight, let's sit and have one of your cigs." 

Both men took a seat on the sofa and Spy lit two cigarettes. 

"So, are you going to finally tell me what is it you seek with me?" The Frenchman sounded impatient and mildly annoyed. 

"It's how you behaved today." 

Silence fell for an instant. One of those awkward ones. 

"What about it?" Spy feigned innocence though he very well knew what Sniper was getting at. 

"I've watched you and you didn't seem normal. Also, you didn't sap the sentries as nicely as you usually do. And you got caught a lot more."

"And?" The impatience and boiling rage were very clearly visible on the Frenchman's face.

"And I want to help." 

Spy's eyebrows jumped. He had expected Sniper to tell him that he had been very bad at his job and asking him why. But non. 

"You want… to help?" He repeated. 

"Yeah. What's wrong with you? I've seen you actin' awfully weird, shaking your shoulder every other second as if you had something on it. I'm guessing something's on yer mind." 

The Frenchman's lips pursed up to a faint smile. 

"And you are wrong. Nothing is on my mind. And yes, I have been spectacularly mediocre today. Thank you for noticing."

"Spy, you don't have to take it that way-"

"Oh but I am."

"Spy, look-"

"Are you done?" The Frenchman dryly cut him.

Sniper didn't want to leave. He knew how stubborn and hard-hearted his colleague could be. But he said he would help and he would. He didn't go away from the comfort of his van for nothing. If confronting the masked man didn't work, maybe something else would. 

Sniper raised his hand and about to put it on Spy's right shoulder but the Frenchman slithered away even before the Australian could touch him. 

"Hey… It's only me." 

Spy raised his eyes and saw his friend's earnest face. He sighed.

"Fine. Here is what has been bothering me. But Sniper, one word of this to anyone else and I will make sure it is your last." Spy raised a threatening index finger. 

Sniper smiled softly. 

"Y'know me. I don't talk." 

Spy nodded. It was the force of habit… He put a hand on his dressing gown and pulled it down from his shoulder, revealing the burn mark. 

"Oh, Christ…" 

"I stopped invoking his help a long time ago…" Spy sarcastically answered. 

"Did you see the Doc' for it? Does it hurt a lot?" 

"Medic knows about it but there isn't much him or anyone else can do. I just live with it."

"When did you get it?" 

"A long time ago. I'm used to it. It's just when the temperature gets a bit too high, it itches in an unbearable way. I can't scratch it away." 

"Is there anything you can do to make it itch less?"

"There is a cream that I put. It's not a miracle solution but it lessens the itch and the burning sensation. I was about to put some before you came in." 

"Oh sorry mate, go and do it, I don't want to bother you." 

"Give me an instant." 

The Frenchman disappeared to the bathroom and re-appeared soon after with the small cream jar in his hand. He put the cigarette between his lips and removed the dressing gown before sitting down. Sniper couldn't help but stare. Spy was lean, maybe even a bit slim. His fair skin was beautiful.

"I can help you if you want." 

Spy raised an eyebrow. 

"I mean, surely you can't reach the rest behind your back…?" 

"Why, thank you. I think I will manage." 

"Okay." 

Sniper watched as his friend spread the cream on his shoulder. He massaged slowly, avoiding the tanktop. He hissed now and then, while the Australian tried to imagine how it could feel, the pain, the itch. He also wanted to feel that odd-looking skin below his fingers. But it hurt him. As if Spy wasn't cold-hearted enough, his own body worked to make him more bitter… 

"Spy, you're clearly strugglin'..." 

"Non, I'm not!" The Frenchman was irritated. 

"Hey…?" 

Their eyes met. 

"Let me try." 

Sniper extended his hand and offered his palm. 

"Fine…" 

Spy put the cream pot on it. 

"Makes you very angry this itch, eh?" 

"You cannot imagine how annoying it is." 

"Turn yer back." 

Spy's eyebrow twitched. 

"Nothin' to fear, I'm not the backstabber here…!" 

The Frenchman rolled his eyes and turned. 

"Now, remove yer top." 

"Bushman?!"

"It's only her back! And it'll make it actually easier! Can't put the cream where your top is, now can I?" 

Spy grumbled but obliged and Sniper was now facing the Frenchman's back. It looked like a abstract canvas of scars. Bullet marks, burn marks, cuts… He couldn't see it but the masked man was ashamed. He knew his body was bruised, awfully so. But Sniper's body was too, albeit differently. The man had fought more animals than men so he had more bites and claw marks than bullets or knife cuts.

"Don't hold your shoulders up like that, breathe and relax." 

"Had I been behind your back, you would react the same way, Bushman."

"Fair, but I'm not you. I don't kill from people's back." He spread the cream on the Frenchman's shoulder blade, trying to not push his hand too hard. 

"Non, you shoot them for far away." 

"A kill as clean as yours." 

"Correct. But my job is high risk for a high reward. Yours is more… safe."

"What?! No it's not! Do you know how much I'm bullied by the other bastard of a Spook?!" 

Spy chuckled. 

"Does that mean I am a bastard too?" 

Sniper's eyes raised to Spy's back of his head. The Frenchman turned his head slightly, waiting for his friend to answer. Each second of silence weighed more than the previous one. 

"Nah, no, you're not." 

"What am I then? I, too, am a Spook." 

"Oh yeah you are, no doubt about that… Nah, you're a Spook, but uh… You're fine." 

"Fine?"

Sniper chuckled nervously. 

"Y-you know what I mean…" 

The Australian had covered all the scar with the cream now. He put the lid back on the pot and closed it. 

"Do I?" Spy insisted with a smirk. 

The Australian smiled. 

"Yeah you do. You aren't stupid." 

Sniper was facing Spy's naked back. The Frenchman's shoulders were relaxed and he appreciated the breath of his friend on it. It helped cooling it down. The Australian handed the cream back to the Frenchman, from behind. 

Spy took the cream and Sniper's eyebrows jumped when he realised that he had also grabbed his hand and pulled on it. 

"I wouldn't have opened my door to anyone else." Spy said.

"I… Thanks." 

The Frenchman pulled on his friend's hand more and he felt Sniper's weight shift on the sofa, closer. 

"Non, thank you. I know I can be in a particularly foul mood sometimes. And I make myself hard to approach. Yet you remain." 

Sniper smiled and laced his arm around his friend's torso and pulled him in closer. Spy closed his eyes went Sniper's hug hit inside him. The Australian was hugging him from behind, resting his chin on his left shoulder. 

"Y-yeah. I don't know, I just think that… I mean sometimes you're a bit angry or sad. But you just need someone to be there for ya." 

Spy melted in his friend's arms. He felt the Australian's fingers lace between his. 

"I might sometimes." 

"Nah, you do, really." 

"What makes you say that?" Spy asked. 

"I can't see your face but I'm sure you're…"

"I'm enjoying this more than I can say, oui."

Spy turned his head to look his friend in his eyes. Sniper's pupils were wide and his smile, dreamy. The Frenchman's smiled widened as he pushed his cheek against the Australian's. 

"You should shave those sideburns off."

"In yer dreams. Also, why should I do that?"

"They sting me even through my mask." 

"Remove it and it will sting not through it then!" 

Spy turned his head again to look at his friend. 

"Well, I had to try…!" Sniper said.

"What makes you think that it is just a try?" 

Sniper got confused but saw his friend's hand rise from his lap and his fingers settle around his neck, at the base of his balaclava. 

The Australian never forgot that night.

[tgai-spock]

A sharp intake 12

Triggers: like some bruising but nothing big or bloody, just letting you know

Listen, the sentence introducing the gym is my favourite, and I just think... you should know.

Remember theres a tag on my tumblr blog where you can easily find all the chapters if you get lost 

Chapter 12

That morning Spock stood on a step Jim had brought him so that he could brush his teeth while looking into the mirror. He was due to visit to McCoy that morning. That had been the deal that allowed him to sleep in his own quarters and he much preferred it, away from the prying eyes of nurses. McCoy seemed to feel better with Spock in his own quarters with the knowledge that Kirk’s bathroom was shared with him. So there he was, brushing his teeth with a green paste tasting like sour green tea and lemon. No mint for him. He spat the froth from his mouth, and he looked back up to examine his face. His teeth pearly white and his face almost as white. Deep green marks began to flesh out from his nose, and grey bruises began to seep around his eyes. The rest of the marks on his body were gone, but recently they’d been targeting his face, and there was nothing he could use to cover it. Today he didn’t have a choice. The doctor would notice anyway.

There was a coo of awe’s and cute’s from the med bay room which led McCoy into awakening, which subsequently led to his bad mood. Why the man didn’t have a real sleep schedule was currently beyond Spock. McCoy pulled on his jumper from off the desk, rubbing his hand through his soft hair as he walked out his office to greet Spock.

“Good Morning Spock” McCoy said gently moving the nurses out his way.

“Morning” Spock replied showing off his bruised face.

McCoy sighed grabbing his medical scanner “alright, off with you all, I don’t pay you to stand around. Especially not to coo at injured patients.”

“You don’t pay us at all. Sir.” One of the nurses said slyly.

“Get out.” McCoy grumped leading Spock to a private area of the med bay. Spock sat on the end of the bed as McCoy scanned him.

“What happened to your face?” McCoy asked.

“I quickly became acquainted with the floor” Spock replied placing his hands on his knees. A tiny smile tried to claw its way on to McCoy’s face as he spoke again.

“Which means?”

“Ah, I fell over.”

McCoy shook his head the smile having made it’s way out “okay let me go get the kit for that bruise. Does that hurt?” McCoy asked with concerned eyes.

“No.”

With the bruise soother retrieved (a mechanic device that pointed and glowed like a pen.) McCoy turned it on and carefully scanned the light over Spock’s face. Over his cheeks and beneath his eyes. The bruises slowly began to fade from his pale skin before they were completely gone.

McCoy picked the grey scanner back up again and began to scan him again. A few lights flashing. He was just about to put it down when he saw bruises blossoming on Spock’s face again. Like a fungal disease that refused to settle down, they scarred across his nose.

“Hey, are you okay?” McCoy asked worried his heart panicking in his chest. He was aware this sort of thing could have happened, yet he found himself helpless to heal a wound being made.  It stopped and the guise settled on Spock's face, almost exactly like the one before it, but different enough. McCoy sighed picking his bruise soother back up.

“You know, I’m a professional Doctor Spock-”

“It would not make sense for you to be a novice Doctor-”

“I know you didn’t get this falling over.”

“Perhaps, now you’ve voiced that some of my respect can be restored to your work.”

McCoy began to heal the bruises “Spock I don’t mean to pry, and I don’t want to make things weird for when you’re an adult again, but, if this is what you are currently experiencing I need to know if you are okay.”

“I am adequate Doctor” Spock said “judging from the fact I become an adult, I think we can both confirm, I am in fact fine.

“Who did this to you?” McCoy asked.

“What are you going to do?” Spock grinned as he tried to move off the bed “hunt down a now 30 year old man and beat him up?”

“Oh come on. I need you to know so I can treat you” McCoy said holding his hand up and stopping Spock from running off “you tell me what I want to know, and logically you will be able to go sooner.”

Spock chewed at his own teeth staring up at McCoy “Stonn.”

“Stonn? Is he-“

“Classmate.”

“Vulcan?”

“Obviously.”

“Can I ask why he’s attacking you?”

“I presume it’s because of the evidence I showed him.”

“What evidence?”

“Stonn implied that due to my ‘half breed’ status I was physically weaker than all vulcans and a crippling to vulcan-ity. This happened on a rare occasion when he did not have any supporters with him, so I presented him with thirty-seven situations that proved I was stronger than my size and age would represent, and certainly stronger than him. He was hospitalised for a month and appears to be seeking revenge despite that being most illogical of him.”

McCoy frowned with a hand to his face “thirty seven situations?”

Spock nodded.

“You punched him thirty seven times?” McCoy asked shocked, his eyes widening.

“Thats a crude way of putting my evidence, but yes.”

“Was he alright?”

“It was only a minor skull fracture, though I do think he lost some of his already limited brain capacity.”

“Jesus christ Spock. Uh. Well. Isn’t there someone you can tell to stop this ‘Stonn’ guy punching you? He shouldn’t be doing this. Even if you did attack him”

“The situation has it’s complexity’s.”

“So, If I heal your bruises-”

“It appears that in the short term these will keep reappearing” Spock replied.

“Are you sure you’re not feeling any pain? I don’t really want to let you out of here.”

“The bruises do not hurt. I have control of the pain and I choose not to feel it.”

“Right. That sounds like your in pain-”

“I am not. Besides you already said I could leave if I talk.”

“And I would give you something for the pain.. but I might just make you feel worse so, if you say you’re okay-”

“I am okay.”

“Then fine. Now I know I haven’t told you yet but I had arranged for you to do some fun exercise today in the gym. Considering what you just told me I want you to go easy on Jim.”

“Okay..” Spock said clearly not understanding. McCoy pressed his comm unit.

“Jim, Spock’s ready for you.”

“Oh, sure send him down then” Jim’s voice said.

“Do you know where the gym is Spock?” McCoy asked. Spock eyes widened as though he was talking to a mad cat.

“Obviously not unless you tell me” Spock said, despite knowing where the gym was, and only mishearing as to the position of the Jim.

“I’m sure you can ask the computers to lead you there.”

“I can?” Spock asked surprised.

“Yeah, off you go now” McCoy said. Spock frowned but followed McCoy’s advice. As soon as Spock left the room McCoy commed Jim.

“Jim, you’re going to want to clear the room out.”

“Why whats wrong?”

“Spock’s a little beat up. There are bruises on his face but it might be best if the whole crew isn’t there to stare."

“Understood I'll make most people leave, there’s a few folk I want to stay around. Think that will be a problem?”

“Thats down to you Jim.”

The gym. Half a bucket of sweat mixed with the motivation you lost in your boots last week, followed closely by panting, regret, confidence and tiredness. Horrifyingly sponsored by a pair of shockingly bright red trousers. Kirk wore the pants with a tight white top, showing muscles, and the becomings of a belly. Spock had put on a pair of baggy jogging bottoms (black, and elasticated around the feet) and he wore a thin black jumper, that kept him fully covered.

“A jumper Spock?” Kirk asked spotting him as he entered.

“It is… somewhat colder here than on vulcan.”

“Oh right, I forgot- are you warm enough here?” Kirk asked concerned, the room which could give a human failing to exercise goosebumps would suddenly hurt him.

“It is sufficient.”

“Ain’t going to get hyperthermia are you?”

“It would take nineteen hours before hyperthermia would begin to be a problem for me.” Spock said.

“Nineteen?” Kirk frowned with a raise of his eyebrows “well s- sugar, lets hope you never get stuck in here. How long would it take before it urm-”

“Killed me?” Spock asked.

“Well while you’re sharing thing information-”

“Between thirty eight and fifty six hours.”

“I feel this is something I should have been made aware of a long time ago. Maybe I should put a heater in here incase the ship brakes and you get stuck here. Anyway. I was thinking, how would you like to try your hand at fencing. I’ve message Sulu, so he’ll come down and fence with us later. But thats only if you feel like it.”

Spock looked up to Kirk, he now only had a lightly bruised face “I don’t feel anything.”

‘If you have, a logical reason you don’t need to share with me for not wanting to do fencing.”

“What is fencing?”

“It’s like sword fighting but it’s fun, and no one gets hurt. You and Sulu would occasionally fence when you were adults. But right now, we’re going to be warming up.”

Kirk grinned “this is going to be fun, trust me.”

[Chapter 1] [Chapter 2]        [Chapter 3] [Chapter 4]        [Chapter 5]

[Chapter 6]     [Chapter 7]       [Chapter 8]   [chapter 9]   [Chapter 10]

[aryasbadbenergy]

a little gendrya oneshot

there is a better edited version here:

(but i won’t stop u from reading this lol i just didn’t really like the ending on this one)

Arya had fallen asleep only an hour ago, but Gendry felt like he had laid there for forever. He didn’t want to leave her while she slept, but first light would come soon, and Gendry could not be caught in the Princess’s bed. Her leg lays across his stomach, and every time she moves, the smooth inside of her thigh slides across his hip. Her body bare except for the thin linen that drapes across their hips. Her head is on his arm, but most of her body rests on his side, and presses her breasts against his ribs. She shifts again, and her leg ventures lower.

Her body had small scars all over, but the insides of her thighs were soft. The outsides were just as scarred as the rest of her body. He mindlessly rubbed his hand on her back, and felt some of her scars from the House of Black and White. Her arms had healed cuts from various things, but he loved the mark on her face the most. She had fallen out of a tree as a child, and split her lip open, leaving a faint scar that led up to her nostril. He tries not to despise the scars that mark her stomach, but it’s hard. She says they’re ugly, and he knows she’s self-conscious of them every time she removes her clothes for him, so he’s sure to hide the fury he feels when he sees them. They could have killed her. They almost did. Unlike the scars that littered her body to teach her lessons for losing her balance while climbing a tree or not paying close enough attention to the end of a blade while fighting. But the scars on her belly only showed that she had failed to obey an order to kill someone underserving of death. She murmurs something to Gendry and he doesn’t know if she’s waking or sleep talking. She slides her leg across his stomach, resting it just below his belly button. Her hair, which she still keeps short (albeit neatly cut to reach her shoulders) had tangled from the early events of this morning and fell across her face. A chunk stuck to the corner of her mouth and moves a little which each breath she withdraws. Gendry smiles softly and brushes it away from her face. She hums in response, finally stirring from her sleep. She opens her eyes and huffs a little.

“Morning, already?” She mumbles, and he smiles again at her sleepy state.

“You can sleep for a while longer, I need to get back to the forge,” he whispers, trying not to rouse her too much.

“Have you slept?” She asks, shutting her eyes again and snuggling her face against Gendry’s neck.

“No, I was going to sleep for a little while at the forge before everyone wakes up,” he says, and he knows she’s probably rolling her eyes at him under his chin. The war against the Night King had ended, but Cersei Lannister still wanted Jon and Daenerys’s heads on spikes for trying to rebel against her claim to the throne. And they needed weapons to win.

“Why don’t you just sleep here?”

“And have the King in the North and his wolf catch me? I think not, m’lady.” She groans in response to the nickname. “Oh, right, my apologies, Your Grace,” he teases and she shoves his chest.

“I’m not the princess, stupid. Sansa is.”

“Last I checked, having a brother for a King makes you a princess.”

“How many princesses do you know of that invite men into their beds,” she snaps, and he lets out a small chuckle.

“Men? I hope you don’t mean more than me,” he teases and she smiles against his throat. She hums. “Well?”

“Oops, you weren’t supposed to know about my many lovers.”

“Well now that you’ve told me they exist, I have to know who I’m fighting for your affections.”

“Let’s see,” she leans up from her spot and rests her head on her hand. “There’s Podrick... Samwell... my brother’s wife Meera...”

“Bronn?”

“Him, too,” she jests. “And Jaime Lannister.”

“I must say, Your Grace, you are quite the little scoundrel of Winterfell.”

“Someone had to be,” she gives him a smile, one that was reserved for him in private. When she trained in Braavos she learned to hide her emotions, but the only one that she couldn’t control around Gendry was love.

Gendry leans forward and gives her a chaste kiss. She tries to draw him in, but he knows he needs to leave her chamber soon. She kisses him again, and pushes her leg across his stomach down lower, but he catches her thigh with one of his hands.

“I have to go,” he says.

She wraps an arm protectively around his shoulder and moves to lay over top of him, trapping him. “No.”

“Arya, I could use one finger to push you off and leave if I really wanted to,” he says, but makes no move to leave.

“Then why haven’t you?” She asks as she sits up and leans her body from left to right to straddle him. She raises her eyebrow at him, waiting for his response.

“Because I don’t want to. I need to, though,” he says, with a huff. But as Arya moves and pants over top of him, he finds it’s hard to remember why he needs to be anywhere but with her.

-

Gendry wakes up later, as light glares through Arya’s window. “Shit!” He gasps, and tries to gather his small clothes. Arya sits up and looks at him, a small blush coating her cheeks.

“You’re still here?”

“We fell asleep,” he says, trying to keep his voice down, knowing sounds carry and people whisper. “I need to leave before anyone sees me in here.”

“Right,” Arya says, and hands him his discarded breeches by the edge of her bed. Gendry pulls them on, and tries to tie all of his clothes back together neatly. He finishes dressing and laces his boots up. “It doesn’t look much later than first light, if you leave know you can probably make it out of this wing so you don’t look suspicious.” He quickly nods and walks over to Arya. He plants a small kiss on her forehead and she shoves him lightly. “Go,” she prods and he smiles at her.

He makes it out into the hallway with only a small creak from the door. He gently shuts it after looking to make sure no one is roaming the corridor. He creeps towards one of the castles many exits, but before he has the chance to hide, the King and the Princess round the corner.

“Gendry?” Jon asks, with a perplexed look on his face.

“Your Grace,” Gendry responds, falling into a kneel. Jon motions for him to stand up and Sansa wears the same look on her face.

“What brought you to the Princess’s chambers this early in the morning?” Jon asks, but Gendry knows Jon already has the answer.

“The Princess’s sword needed mending, Your Grace. She asked me to take a look at it,” Gendry lies.

“At first light? Surely you had more pressing matters to attend,” The King snaps and he stomps towards Arya’s door. He pulls it open and Arya clutches the linens to her naked chest.

“Jon! Do you knock?” Arya shouts, as Gendry accepts that he’s going to die today. Sansa grimaces and Jon steps towards Gendry.

Jon grabs Gendry’s arm and starts to walk him away from Arya’s chamber. “Sword mending,” he grumbles to himself. Sansa shuts Arya’s door and rushes behind Jon and Gendry.

“Jon,” she says, but he doesn’t respond. Gendry keeps pace with Jon and can only hope that Ghost’s whereabouts are unbeknownst to Jon. “Jon!” Sansa snaps, and Jon stops to turn around to look at Sansa.

“Sansa!” Jon responds.

“Jon, you’re making a scene. You need to calm down,” she hisses, lowering her voice. Arya emerges from her chamber, dressed in breeches and a half-tied jerkin. Her hair remains tangled, and she rushes towards the group.

“Jon, please,” Arya begs, “Can we talk about this? Not here.”

Jon finally lets his iron-like grip on Gendry go, and nods. “Fine.”

Jon doesn’t give anyone time to respond as he starts walking again. Sansa and Arya follow him, and Gendry trails behind the three, praying to every God he knows.

They end up in Jon’s solar, and Gendry sits directly across from him, extremely focused on his hands. “Do you want to explain to me why you were in my little sister’s chamber this morning?” Jon asks, looking as angry as any King Gendry had heard about.

“I needed to mend her sword, Your Grace.”

Jon’s glower tells Gendry he didn’t give him the correct response. “I fell asleep, Your Grace.”

“We were being improper,” Arya grumbles, giving her brother an eye roll.

“I know that,” Jon hisses. “I wanted Gendry to tell me.”

“Why?” Arya snaps. “Are you going to castrate him?” She agitates, and Gendry silently curses her for giving Jon the idea.

“I’ve considered it!” Gendry moves his hand to protect his manhood. He would sooner set himself on fire than be castrated.

“Jon, be reasonable, please,” Sansa says, and Gendry is thankful for her for being the only calm Stark in this situation.

“Be reasonable? One of my trusted friends has been... has been...” he shakes his hands in Gendry and Arya’s direction.

“If I remember correctly, Arya and Gendry were friends for much longer than you and Gendry. Unless you were planning on selling Arya in a marriage alliance, it does not really matter what our sister does in private.”

Jon ran his hands through his curls. “If you had asked me, I would’ve allowed you to marry,” Jon announces, unexpectedly. Gendry perks up at the King’s words. “Now that you have...” Jon doesn’t finish his statement. “You should marry. I won’t force you, Arya, but if you respect me or Gendry, you will not refuse his hand and bear his bastard.”

“I’m only a bastard, Your Grace. I can’t give the child a bastard’s name.”

“You are the late King Robert’s bastard. I only need to sign a paper, and you could have a last name to give your child.”

Gendry turns to look at Arya, not wanting to respond without her approval. “What are you waiting for, stupid? Are you going to give me your name or not?” She says, with a small smile on her face. Arya always expressed her disgust of marrying as a child, but they rarely spoke of her having to marry as adults. Gendry nods and turns back to Jon.

“Don’t think that I’ll forgive you for this easily, Gendry,” Jon huffs, and reaches for a blank piece of parchment.

“King Robert had always wanted a Stark-Baratheon marriage,” Sansa muses, and gives Arya a small smile.

(this is highly unedited, and it’s also the first gendrya thing ive ever published EVER please be nice i’m sensitive lol)

[p-artsypants]

Rage Awakened (3)

@chachacharlieco @violetstar-writes (If anyone else wants to be tagged in updates, please let me know!)

Ten years ago, Terra, Aqua, and Ventus lost their fellow apprentice, Sora, in Deep Jungle. Now, they are to return with two new students, Riku and Kairi, to lock the heart of the world. All the while, something watches from the trees. Feral!Sora AU

Ao3 | FF.net

That night, Kairi laid awake, thinking. She couldn’t get the strange boy out of her head. If he really was Sora, what were they going to do? Take him back with them?

But ten years alone in the jungle would change a person. Did he even know how to speak? Could he still summon his keyblade?

Would they just have to leave him behind? That didn’t seem fair. Even if he wasn’t Sora, being all alone in the Jungle just didn’t seem right.

When he looked at her, his expression held a lot of emotion. Fear, curiosity, and lot of wonder. How frightening it must have been to see another creature like him, and yet so different.

From her sleeping bag, she looked over at her teammates. Everyone was asleep and all was calm. The fire was still going, though only bright enough to cast a soft light on the immediate area. Crickets and strange animals hooted outside the treehouse, where the moon shone blue light through the windows.

Kairi loved nights like this. It was so different from her days in Radiant Garden, where even the nights had noise of the city, of clanking and whirling machines. In the Land of Departure, the nights were nearly silent from her window high in the castle. This though, this was just perfect. She had been to so many worlds in the last year, traveling with her teammates. Nights like these, where the darkness retreated at the light of the moon, and life persisted.

It was relaxing and comforting. Though the Jungle held many mysteries and dangers, this was a haven.

Suddenly, she heard the sound of feet hitting the floor, though very gently. She glanced to the other end of the treehouse and saw a silhouetted figure, crouched and crawling towards them.

Kairi didn’t move, though she prepared in case he meant harm. Eraqus once said she had a problem with naïveté, and that she often trusted people too quickly. Still, she felt like this stranger meant no harm, for if he was the same boy she had seen earlier, he easily could have left her to die out on the field.

The boy slowly tracked through their camp, his steps imperceivable over the sound of the crackling fire and Terra’s snores. He curiously dug into the first pack he found, which belonged to Ventus. He pulled out a shirt, feeling the fabric and turning it over to examine it. When it failed to interest him, he shoved it back into the bag.

Then he slowly and hesitantly leaned over Ventus himself, studying his face. Then he moved onto the next person.

He peaked in everyone’s luggage, pulling out interesting items to sniff or taste. Though he didn’t actually take anything. Then he sniffed each of her teammates, touching their hair and any armor that was nearby.

It felt like she had been watching him for an hour before he finally made his way over to her. She closed her eyes, pretending to sleep.

She heard him shuffling through her clothes, then heard him sniffling near her ear. She stayed extremely still, keeping her breathing even, as his face drew closer to hers.

It seemed his evaluation of her would be different from the others, since she felt the softest skin against her lips.

Her eyes fluttered open in shock.

Those blue blue eyes stared right back at her, with all the wonder in the world.

She didn’t scream this time, just stared back at him.

Had he just...kissed her?

His eyes widened slightly as a smile took over his lips. He seemed thrilled that he had awakened her.  

Carefully, since he was only inches away from her face, Kairi sat up. He remained close, but followed her movements.

He flicked his eyes over her body briefly, now that she was in pajamas, but continually met her eyes. Likewise, Kairi looked over him, now that he was close and not about to leave.

He had a large leaf on his arm, held in place by mud. It looked like a primitive bandaid. She frowned, and threw off her blankets.

The boy didn’t like the action, and whimpered, thinking she was leaving.

Instead she stood and quietly walked over to their first aid kit. She opted for a potion, so as not to startle him by summoning her keyblade. Then she took her canteen and a rag.

All the while, he watched, curious as to what she could be doing.

Finally, she smiled at him and beckoned him to follow her outside.

He did so eagerly, ever interested in her world.

Outside the treehouse, on the balcony, Kairi knelt and wetted the rag with the canteen.

The stranger was quick to crouch in front of her, immediately in her personal space.

She reached out, her hand hovering over his arm.

He tilted his head, looking at her expression, and then where her hand was. Then he leaned that arm towards her.

Carefully, Kairi peeled off the leaf and began to wipe off the mud. A potion would heal up the wound just fine, but it would have to be clean first.

The boy hissed suddenly and ripped his arm away.

She dropped the rag and held out her hands in a calming way.

Seeing she meant no harm, he slowly reached his arm back out, letting her finish.

Once clean, she offered him the potion.

Instead of taking it, however, he reached his hand out and touched her face ever so gently, then leaned in, unaware of how uncomfortable he was making her.

She couldn’t help but laugh a little, mostly out of nervousness. “Haven’t you looked at me enough already?”

His eyes widened at the sound of her voice, and he gave a silent laugh, like a dog panting, and danced on his toes.

Again, she offered the potion.

He sniffed it, and then gave it a withering glance.

“You drink it,” She pantomimed drinking, and encouraged him to do the same.

So he did, but screwed his face up after at the bitter taste. But then he blinked, feeling the pain in his arm gone. Glancing down, his wound was completely healed, and there wasn’t even a scar. He did his little dance again.

“See? All better!”

He showed his appreciation by swooping in and nuzzling his nose with hers.

She crinkled up her face in response, not expecting the action.

Then he backed off a few inches, his eyes bright, and pleasant grunts coming from his throat.

“Uh, you’re welcome?” Kairi laughed.

He tilted his head to the side. “Wel...come?”

“You can speak!” She clapped her hands in joy.

He mimicked the action. “Speak!”

“Ah, but not very well, I guess.” Still, she touched her chest, right above her heart. “My name is Kairi.”

He glanced at her hand, then her face, and mimicked the action, hand on his chest “Kai...ri?”

“Close.” She took his hand and placed it on her chest, “Kairi.”

Realization hit him. “Kairi!” He patted her heart. “Kairi!”

“Good! Now...” she placed her hand on his chest, right over the ‘X’ scar. “What’s your name?”

He looked at her hand, frowned, and without another word, leapt over the railing and into the darkness of night.

Kairi was left alone, only able to wonder. She touched the tip of her nose, then her lips, and blushed.

—

The next morning, over breakfast, the group talked over their plan for the day. They decided they would split up again, same groups, and travel East and West this time.

Kairi was barely paying attention. After the boy left, she finally was able to fall asleep, even though he had only given her more questions than answers.

“Kai?” Riku asked, noticing how quiet she had been.

“What world’s did Sora like?” She said suddenly.

Terra and Aqua stopped eating and pondered the question.

“Why do you ask?”

“I just...wondered. Maybe there’s a way to find out if it’s really him by bringing back some old memories.”

Aqua considered, “Gosh, I don’t know if there was a world he didn’t like! He was so friendly to everyone...almost to a fault.”

“You know the most important rule of keyblade wielders?” Terra asked.

“We mustn’t meddle in the affairs of other worlds.” Quoted Ventus, like a good noodle.

“Well, he loved to meddle. He always found a way to get in people’s business. Usually, we helped solve problems, but mostly Sora just stuck his nose where it didn’t belong.”

Aqua pondered, “But a favorite world, specifically? Well, he liked The Caribbean. He loved being a pirate and the big ships.”

“He also liked Neverland and flying.”

“And oh! He liked Halloweentown!”

“For Santa?” Asked Riku, like it was the obvious thing in the world.

“Of course for Santa.”

“Aqua, do you remember what world he talked about for weeks after we came back?”

“Um...gosh, we went to a lot of worlds back then. Which one ware you thinking of?”

“Enchanted Dominion.”

“Oh yeah!”

The other three just looked in question. “Where?”

Aqua sighed sadly. “It’s one of the early worlds that fell into darkness. Princess Aurora and Maleficent’s world.”

Riku groaned loudly.

“What’s crawled up your butt, Riku?” Asked Terra at the reaction.

“I hate that bitch so much.” He shook his head. “Sorry for the language but…she’s just the worst.”

“I thought Princess Aurora was nice.” Said Ventus, innocently. Since her world had fallen into the darkness, she had been living in Radiant Garden, along with two other Princesses, Snow White and Cinderella.

“Not Aurora! Maleficent! Geez…”

“She was the one who made you succumb to the darkness, isn’t she?” Kairi asked.

He rolled his eyes, “yeah. Anyways, that’s in the past now. What did you guys do in Enchanted Dominion?”  

“You guys know about Aurora’s curse, right?”

“Let’s say I don’t…” Ventus cringed.

“When she was an infant, Maleficent cursed her to die at the age of sixteen, after she would prick her finger on the spindle of a spinning wheel. Only because of the good fairies did the curse change from death to sleep. And with true loves kiss, the spell would be broken.”

“Well, it must not have come true then, given we saw Aurora a few weeks ago.”

“Oh, it did come true. When we arrived in the world, the curse had already come to fruition. Aurora was asleep in the tallest tower, and the fairies had put the whole kingdom to sleep as well, so no one would worry.”

“That had to be weird to walk into,” Said Riku.

“Extremely.” Deadpanned Terra.

“We wandered around for awhile until we found the tower that Aurora was sleeping in...well, Sora found it. He tried waking her up by tapping her shoulder and going, ‘excuse me ma’am.’ Then the good fairies found us and explained the curse, and that Aurora’s true love, Prince Phillip, was being held prisoner in Maleficent’s Castle.”

Terra laughed, “when Fauna explained that Aurora needed a kiss to wake up, Sora said ‘well, I’ll kiss her!’ He just didn’t understand why it had to be this one guy specifically. It was hard to explain without using the analogy of a key to a lock…considering he’s been able to unlock any door he’s wanted with the same key his whole life.”

“So what did you do?”

“Well, the fairies asked us for our help, since they didn’t want to worry the kingdom, and they led us to the Forbidden Mountain. Sora at least stayed behind at the gate, but he insisted on being part of the adventure. So Terra and I snuck into the fortress and freed Prince Phillip, but we had to fight our way out. And just as we were about to reach King Stefan’s Castle, Maleficent appeared.”

“And she was pissed.”

“I know how that is...” Riku said under his breath.

“The fairies had given Phillip a sword and shield, so he wasn’t completely defenseless...but it wasn’t much help. She turned into this huge dragon!”

“Oh wow, she can do that?” Ventus asked, horrified.

“She’s a witch with the powers of darkness. There’s no telling what all she can do.”

“So you fought her as a dragon?”

“Yeah, and she put up one hell of a fight. And Sora fought valiantly, well, for a...I think he was five at the time?”

“You let him fight?!” Kairi shouted, aghast.

“We always did. How else was he supposed to learn?”

“I don’t know! Somehow less dangerously!?”

“So, what happened?” Asked Riku. “Maleficent is still prowling around, but Aurora is awake. Homeless, but awake.”

“Well, Phillip dealt the finishing blow.” Aqua said.

Terra quoted, “‘Sword of Truth, fly swift and sure. Let evil die, and good endure!’ At least that’s what the spell was supposed to do.”

“But we were all surprised to hear she was back. She’s like a weed that won’t stop growing. We led Phillip up the tower to Aurora, and he kissed her. She woke up, and so did the rest of the kingdom. And they all lived happily ever after…until the darkness came.”

Kairi hugged her legs to her chest, totally invested in the story of young Sora. “So, when you guys came back, he talked about it a lot?”

“Mostly the dragon,” Terra explained. “In our downtime, we would play this game…” He trailed off, and then sighed, remembering.

Aqua laughed. “Oh my god! I remember! We would play this game where…” she caught her breath, “where one of us was the ‘dragon’, one was the ‘Prince’ and then the other was the ‘Princess’. It was basically reenacting what had happened in Enchanted Dominion.”

“Honestly, I loved being the Princess,” Terra said, unabashed. “I actually just slept.”

“The catch was that the ‘Prince’ had to wake up the ‘Princess’ with a kiss. Usually on the cheek or forehead.”

Terra sighed, “yeah, but there was one time where Sora was the ‘Dragon’ and I was the ‘Prince’ and he insisted I kiss Aqua on the lips.”

“Did you?”

The treehouse was quiet as he said quietly. “…yeah.”

Riku and Ventus laughed loudly at his blushing face.

“I know it must hurt,” Kairi said, once things calmed down. “Talking about him again, but it’s really nice to hear about him.”

Aqua smiled, forlorn. “Yeah…full disclosure, if this wild stranger ends up being him, I am going to cry.”

“I had forgotten a lot of this until we started talking about it.” Terra admitted. “It was just…easier not to think about it. I still remember him declaring, quite proudly, that one day he was going to find a Princess like Aurora, one that would wake up with his kiss. I told him it was inappropriate to kiss girls while they were sleeping and he retorted,” he made his voice high pitched and whiny, “but all the other Princes are doing it!”

Something about that statement made Kairi’s heart ache.

“That was over ten years ago, but it doesn’t feel like it.” Aqua said, raising to her feet. “Well, we have a jungle to search, and two things to find now.”

[ssironstrange]

sometimes... i really wish i could claim disability. like, i know i’m not disabled and those who are need it way more, but still. like 80% of the time i seriously struggle to work like a normal person.

both of my feet are seriously fucked up. one from a past major trauma that i’ve shown the scar of on here, the other from overcompensating for that which has caused a permanently torn ligament along the bottom of the foot so if i happen to take a step wrong it’ll flare up and i won’t be able to walk.

because of that, i have a very unfortunate weight distribution on my feet and being on them longer than 6 hours literally has me in tears by the time i get home. and i can’t just get super soft shoes or anything because of that torn ligament. i have to wear very minimal shoes, meaning there is very little between the ground and my foot and the shoe itself has to move with my foot almost as if i’m not wearing them at all. otherwise the way the shoe makes me walk will tear that ligament.

that, in turn, greatly impacts my knees and hips. i’ve got genetically bad knees already. both my grandmother and mother had knee surgeries in their teens and 20s (my mom has had 4 surgeries on the left including a replacement, and 3 on the right.) and the only reason i haven’t is because i didn’t live quite as hard as they did growing up. but still, they’re bad. i’ve had mild arthritis in them since i was a young teenager and now the cartilage is starting to go. like, they’re so bad (and my personal trainer didn’t believe me) that after 2 lunges something in there goes haywire with sharp pains and i’m down for at least a week or more while it heals. being in shoes that have next to no shock absorption is brutal on my knees. hips too, but not nearly as bad.

i have PCOS which comes with its plethora of issues, probably the worst for me is the hypoglycemia. i honestly don’t know what the fuck i’m going to do when my IUD is removed next year. it’s kept my periods at bay. thankfully i’m not as bad as some with PCOS but it does take just about every last bit of my energy out of me when i do have them. 

my doctor and i still aren’t sure what it’s connected to, but i also have raynaud’s syndrome. typically it’s not a big deal unless i’m exposed to cold, but these last two jobs thats been the case. plus i have very poor circulation to my hands and feet - always have and we don’t know why - so that helps matters none.

i have asthma, which means i have compromised ability to draw air into my lungs. i get very winded very easily because i simply can’t take deep breaths. and this is everyday for me and has been since i was a little kid. when it gets really bad i have to use my rescue inhaler. and i hate using it because that shit is like pure speed and will make your heart race like you just ran a marathon and physically jittery and shaky and weak.

though my insomnia is hugely improved compared to what it used to be, i still have it pretty bad. good nights i get 5-8 hours of sleep which i can function fine on. many times i’m only getting 2-4 hours, and those are the days i’m chugging energy drinks and coffee on top of taking my adderall just to be able to function like a semi-normal human being.

then theres the mental issues.

depression, while handled with medication, is always dragging me down and draining my energy. it’s a fucking struggle to get out of bed many days, and not just because i’m tired.

anxiety is the real culprit though. it is fucking exhausting to my very core to be around people all day every day. i’m constantly stressed even if nothing bad is happening. mine is both general and social anxiety. plus the perk of being an introvert in an extrovert's world.

my ADD is astoundingly bad. thank god for adderall but still. that comes with its own issues. and while i can at least stay focused while on meds, it doesn’t particularly do anything to help with my ever degrading memory. most of the time i’m just forgetful, which is something all of us ADD/ADHD people have in common. but sometimes it’ll cause a straight up blank space where memory should be. it’s not that i forgot it, its that there was never any memory there at all to begin with, which is distressing.

and then theres just a metric shit-ton of other issues i have that lead me to believe i’m on the austism spectrum somewhere but who knows since i’ll never be able to afford getting evaluated with a specialist.

so... yeah. i may not be disabled but fuck i’d almost rather be than have to constantly deal with all of this shit on any given day. and the worst thing is most people can’t even see these issues, so it gets dismissed or they don’t believe me or just straight up don’t care since it isn’t noticeable.

it’s just... exhausting being exhausted all the time.

[jising-jisang-jisung]

I Don't Want to Remember You | Zhong Chenle

Word count: 1,242

A/n: this is basically my first time writing angst sorry if it sucks but this is kinda exactly what is going on in my life right now lol :).

At the worst time of your life you met Chenle. He was so bright, always there for you with smiles. Sure he was a year younger but he was still your best friend. If it hadnt been for the dolphin of a boy you dont know how you would've gotten through 8th grade oof. But that was long ago. You two had changed so much since middle school.

Freshman year was weird since Chenle was still in 8th grade, being that he is a year younger. Despite no longer having music together, yall would hang like every weekend. You were always at the Zhong household playing with his little brother and losing to Chenle at Mario Kart. Neither of you had a worry in the world. So you both didn't see what was coming.

Sophomore year was pretty great. Minus the fat crush you developed for your best friend. You knew he used to like you, but it seemed like that was over. Still, when he asked you to the haunted house, you couldnt refuse. It was soooo cold out even though is was only October and you hated haunted houses so that didnt help your shaking. The entire night you held onto Chenle for dear life. He always asked if you were alright behind him becasue your death grip on his waist was kinda hurting, even through his puffy coat. All of this was worth it when you became his girlfriend that night. Who knew that he liked you back?!

This was your first relationship so it was really awkward. It didnt help that you were always busy with sports. All in all you still had never been on a date and it's almost Christmas. It's not that you dont like Chenle, but the whole couple thing is just,, off. It has been almost 2 months and yall havent been on a date, held hands, kissed. Nothing. This is when you started to feel exhausted by the "relationship" if you could call it that.

Winter break was quickly approaching and you knew you wanted to break up. But how could you break your best friend's heart right before Christmas. So you held all of your worries in. That's when you remembered that theres a winter dance right after break and you did NOT want to go with your boyfriend. You knew what you had to do.

You didnt deserve to feel so emotionally exhausted by this failed relationship. And you didn't deserve Chenle. And Chenle didn't deserve you hiding your true feelings about being his girlfriend. You hated yourself for it and yet, you still texted him saying you were breaking up with him. You texted him. You were the worst.

This was right after Christmas so you still had a week or so before you'd have to see the boy at school again, sitting right next to you in music. Maybe you could switch seats with someone. He probably never even wants to see you again let alone sit by you. At least, so you thought.

On the first day back from break you both sat down in class together. To your surprise, it was just like before: you joked, Chenle screeched, and you were friends. Good friends. Nothing would tear you two apart. Even when you had to drop music to pick up an additional AP course, Chenle was there for you after school and on weekends. He really was the best, wasnt he?

Flash forward to summer when you started to hear and see less of him. Why was he so distant? Where is your boy? Maybe you were just drifting a little. That happens in high school. Things will be fine when you pick up school again and make your silly faces at each other in the hallways. Everything would be fine.

Your face lit up as you saw him, standing at his locker just down like 20 from yours. You made the same silly face and gesture at him as always but Chenle just walked away. What was happening? You followed him with your eyes to see a senior girl practically salivating over him. He was a sophomore and he was supposed to be your best friend. Who even is this chick? Little did you know that would be the last time he ever even looked at you.

You missed your old pal. You missed the memories of you two playing video games in his basement. You missed talking to his little brother who is the cutest 6 year old on the planet. You missed Chenle's laugh. His smile. His attention. It was gone forever. It was hers now.

On your birthday you received smiles and happy birthdays from everyone, even people who weren't your friends. Chenle hadnt texted you anything but surely he wouldnt ignore his ex best friend's birthday, right? On your way to lunch, you saw him. He was walking with her. He looked up at you. You knew he couldnt forget! To your surprise, he just looked back down and kept walking. Your breathing stopped. Then it started to quicken. You couldnt see through your tear filled eyes as you skipped lunch to hide in the bathroom that no one used.

In that empty bathroom you cried. You cried your eyes out. On your birthday. Alone. In a bathroom. After your meltdown you pretended everything was cheery for the rest of the school day. Only to go home and cry some more. In your room. Alone. On your birthday. You skipped dinner too.

You thought about the boy you loved. You would never have forgotten his birthday. You would never have ignored him. You hated Chenle. And you hated yourself for hating the boy you once loved.

After a while you remembered that you are: that bitch. And if Chenle doesnt want anything to do with you it's his loss because you are a delight, a fucking cinnamon apple. You didnt need his recognition to be the person you are. And with that, you forgot about Chenle. You forgot your prized memories. You forgot his little brother. You forgot you had ever been friends. Or at least, you forgot to remember these things.

You had cut him out of your life just as he had already done with you. You had healed over the open wound in your heart. You would be okay without Chenle. You would be okay.

When your life fell apart, so did your room. You decided it was time to clean it. At the bottom of your drawer, you found a folded piece of lined paper with a duck drawn on it. You instantly recall the silly duck gestures you give your best friend everytime you passed one another in the halls. And how he always called you duck. And vice versa. In the moment you made the worst decision possible and opened the note.

Happy birthday y/n! You might not be perfect, but you're perfect for me. My cute little duck.

Love, your cute little duck

You lost it. This was the note he gave you the year before. A.k.a. when you were a couple and he actually talked to you let alone remembered your birthday. Your healed wound bust open again. It would just have to scar because no matter how hard to tried, you couldnt forget about what once was. You didnt want to remember Chenle. But you could never forget him either.

Masterlist

[lesbianboobees-blog]

My coming out story

This is long, but to be fair, it took me 10 years. My thoughts may be a little scattered, I dont think I've told this story all the way through before.

I was 18, a senior in high school. I was that goth kid but I was also in the honors and AP classes. I mainly hung out with a small group of other goth/punk kids, a few were open lesbians. One of them, we will call her shannon, ended up being in my Spanish class. We got pretty close, and she started hitting on me. I had always liked her, and I realized maybe I did like her more than a friend. My senior year, a lot of other things had happened to really bring me out of my good girl shell. "Dont knock it till you try it" was basically my motto. So, eventually I slept with shannon. It was ming blowing. There was some typical lesbian triangle drama after that, so we never did it again or had a relationship. One time thing. I didn't really even consider that I only liked women at that point. I just thought "well, I guess I like girls too." And that was that.

My senior year, I had lost my virginity (I had been raised catholic and believed in saving sex for marriage), on a separate occasion I was sexually abused, and I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder, type 2. A lot was going on. So I just decided to identify as bisexual.

As a note, I fully support all bisexuals. It is a real thing, it isnt a phase, or any of the other crap people say. In my case, dealing with bipolar disorder and everything else was already too much, I wasnt ready to deal with my sexuality.

I dated another lesbian in my group of friends for about a month. I dont even remember why we broke up, but we stayed friends after. After high school, I went back to dating guys because it was easier. I just got too nervous around women. (Yup, definitely gay). Now, I think bipolar disorder has had a big effect on this story. One of the parts of bipolar that isn't talked about is an extremely high sex drive. Since I wasnt very nervous around men, it was easier to fulfill my sex drive. I am still ashamed of that now, but shit happens. I got engaged to a guy a year and a half after graduating high school. But I freaked out about marriage and cheated on him. The one and only time I have ever cheated. I will never do that again. On to more relationships with men. I broke up with every single guy I was ever with. (Theres yet another sign). I had slept with a few more women, but still hadn't had another relationship yet. I was going to community college, and attendance failed most of my classes. Eventually I decided I wanted to become an automotive mechanic (gayyy). I moved to Arizona to go to a technical school. 2 year program, and I did not live in the school housing program. The whole school was probably 95% men. There was one lesbian I was friends with, she was in a toxic relationship she refused to get out of. So, I was with guys again. Near the end of the program, there was a party I went to. this straight girl admitted she had a major crush on me. So, we slept together. After.. she bowed to me. Full on kneeling on the floor bowing. I was sure she was just drunk and being silly. But unlike anyone else I had been with in school, I was proud of being with her. (Oh the gayness). There was one other girl I had met that I wanted to be in a relationship with, but she didn't seem interested in anything more than sex. I knew I was probably leaving after I graduated anyway. So there wasnt a good reason to pursue it.

I graduated, and moved back home. It was a rough time. All my friends were gone. They got married, or had kids, or moved away. It was so lonely. Going from having so many friends around me for 2 years.. to zero... depression hit hard.

A guy I knew from college stayed in touch and showed interest in a relationship. A few months later, I was moving to Ohio to be with him. Worst years ever. The depression was so overwhelming, and he was clueless. I was lucky enough to find a roommate so I could break up and move out. Eventually I got a job back home and went back. Again, no friends. Same damn story, a guy at my new job showed interest. I guess my thought process was "I just need to try different types of guys". Another relationship. During this one, my only gay cousin died in an accident at the age of 34. It absolutely crushed me. I was not close with him, and barely talked to him, and it took me a long time to realize why it hit me so hard.

After I ended that relationship, I reconnected with my high school ex girlfriend. He was transitioning and wanted my support. He introduced me to his friend, we will call her Jenny.

Now, this part still stings. But it was the relationship that changed things for me in a lot of ways. She pointed out things from my past that were exceptionally gay. And that got me thinking. Really, that was the only good thing to come out of that relationship. After 8 months together, I slowly found out she is a sociopath, pathological liar, and lied and manipulated her way through absolutely everything and everyone. I broke up with her after 10 months. Great first real relationship with a woman. Anyway.

2017 and 2018 (age 26 and 27) was when I really took a good look at my past and considered my sexuality. There were soooooo many things that made me think. I went from " maybe I like girls more than guys" to "holy crap, I'm so fucking gay". But at the same time, I was trying to heal from the deep scars left by that toxic relationship. I started working out at the gym, trying to lose weight, and just focusing on bettering myself. It took me therapy and a little over a year to finally feel like I had healed enough to trust again. Meanwhile, I haven't dated or slept with anyone.

I am 28 now. 10 years from my first gay experience, and I want to have queer friendships and maybe start dating again. I am overcoming the shame of being gay that was learned in my catholic upbringing. 2 of my 3 siblings know I'm gay, and are fine with it. I'm still not out to my parents. I have been living with them so I could pay off my student loans. I'm so close to getting them completely paid off. This year, my goal was to move out and come out to my parents. I dont think my dad will react well, and i would rather not be homeless. Until i can move out, i want to make friends. The vicious cycle of loneliness leading to relationships is going to stop.

I also wanted to mention, when I identified as bisexual, I felt like I wasnt accepted into the LGBTQ community. There was a few women I would've loved to be in a relationship with, but I got the vibe that they werent interested because I was bisexual. I realize now that i may have made that up as an excuse. But I understand the bi struggle. And I fully support every letter of the LGBTQIA community. I dont want anyone to feel like they dont belong here. We are stronger together, and can make a huge difference in each others lives.

That's why now identifying as a lesbian, I feel like a baby gay. Even though I have experience with women sexually, everything else is new. I've heard people say that our generation has had it so much easier coming out, mainly because of the internet. I did not find this true. I was so lost, I didn't even know where to start, or what to search. I mean, you can't search anything lesbian without filtering through a fuckton of porn. I didn't know how to find the information I wanted. I didn't even know what I wanted to know. I felt (feel) like a teenager all over again trying to figure out who I am and how I fit into this community.

And that's where this blog starts.

Please feel free to comment, I'm always open to advice and conversation. Also, please be respectful, it feels very vulnerable putting this out there. But I feel it is important to share these stories. If just one person feels less alone and can relate, it was worth it to share.

[imerikacostell-blog]

nobody gets out without scrapes & scars || self para

why don't you say it like it's real instead of i don't think about you ever since you've been gone & yeah it's cool you threw all of my records out on the lawn 'cause i don't miss you when the radio plays our song 'cause love don't really hurt said no one ever TAGGING: Erika & her ex; who i have named Finn; with mentions of Willa & Jake LOCATION: Finn’s Apartment in Michigan. TIME FRAME: Jan 12, late morning. TL:DR: Erika goes to her ex’s house and gets him to sign papers to let Jake adopt Willa.

Erika had this day played ever since she fell in love with Jake, that she would be able to convince Finn, who already had no rights to their daughter, to sign over the last bits of rights over so eventually one day Jake could adopt Willa.  And this weekend was hopefully the only trip that Erika would have to make out here to get Finn to agree to it.

She didn’t want to bring Willa with her when she went to see Finn, so she left her with her parents & Jake at the house, get in all the grandma and poppy time that she could anyways. The hard part wasn’t going to be seeing Finn. Did she still love him? Yes it was her first love, and the father of her child, she would always love him. but she hadn’t been in love with him for seven plus years. 

Getting outside his apartment  was the easy part, and him knowing Erika was coming did make it a lot more easier. Pulling the sleeves of her winter jacket over her hands and let out a sigh grabbing the keys and heading to the door. She got herself buzzed in and made her way up the apartment stair case.

It wasn’t that this apartment building was bad, Erika had totally seen worse, but she was still glad to left Willa behind. Getting to Finn’s door, Erika knocked a few times before pushing her hands into her pockets and waiting, rocking back and forth on the heals of her shoes. 

Finn opened the door seeing her, “Hey Erika.” a smile crossed the mans face seeing her. “Come in, can I take your jacket for you?” He asked once Erika was inside

“Hi Finn.” She said simply stepping inside. His apartment was like him. everything in a place, and nothing out of place. “I’m fine.” She nodded letting him lead her inside. “So i know I probably should have had Willa with me, but she hasn’t seen my parents since last time I was in town and that’s been a while. I didn’t want to pull her from them.” She said softly.

“Oh no no, thats fine Erika. I get it.” He nodded. “I see her enough from what you post on instagram anyways.” Finn pushed his hand though his hair, “It would have bee nice to see her though. Maybe next time though right?”

Erika nodded. “We are here till tomorrow night, or afternoon. She does still have school.” She reminded  him. “But while we’re on that subject.” She paused and pulling out papers from her bag. “So if you see Willa on instagram, there’s a good chance you saw Jake and I are engaged too then. And..” She sighed handing him the some what thick stack of papers. “Seeing as the custody is having me have legal and physical, and it’s not like what is going on with us is really going to change. but.” Erika pushed her hands into her back pockets. “Those are papers, or at least information, for you to read, and I would really hope that you would do what is best for her, and let Jake adopt her when we’re married.”  Erika hadn’t made eye contact with him until then. “You don’t have to give me an answer right now, but it would be nice to know before we go back to LA tomorrow.”

Finn listened, already skimming the papers, “Does she love him?” He asked looking over at her. “Is he good to her?”

Erika nodded “She loves him so much, Finn. And he’s so good with her, like any time they’re doing something and i walk in I just want to cry cause he treats her like she was his already.” She rolled her lips between her teeth.

“Okay. I’ll sign them.” he said simply.

“Oh? okay. I wasn’t expecting that quickly” Erika perked up a little. “We just need a notary and a think two witnesses and we can get that done today.”

Finn nodded. “Well,  whats stopping us?” he asked grabbing his jacket and keys.

“Clearly nothing.” She let out a soft laugh 

The two agreed to where to go to get the notary, meeting there. and both texted one of their parents each so they’d each have a witness that was on their side. It was a pretty pain free and it was one less thing Erika now needed to worry about before the wedding.

[lazydaisygurl]

Frasers. A Family.

I had some messy ideas about the apostle spoons from season 2 that Jamie gives Claire/Faith, and tied them together into this messy fanfic. This is my first attempt at fanfic. I am itching to put it somewhere - even if it never gets read by a single soul - so here it is. Also, theres a load of *book spoilers* in here so if your eyes are wandering over this, you have been warned. If someone is reading this, thank you, from the bottom of my wee heart. 

I was brushing my hair after the day's work, taking account of our room as I did so, when my eyes found a box I knew wasn't there the night before… A box I thought I knew. I couldn’t recall how, or when I had last seen it, or what it held, or why I was so sure that I had seen it before, it looked so… familiar. I stopped my brushing, and that got Jamie's attention. Funny how marriage teaches you how much can be communicated through your partner's silence and stillness as much, if not more than their voice and actions. He stood up from the reading chair in the corner of our room and there was something odd in the look of his face, I couldn’t quite place the emotion it portrayed.

"We have Jenny to thank for yon wee box. She couldna bear the thought of leaving Scotland wi nothing.. Nothing to remember," he paused, and I could see how it pained him to know Scotland was behind him too, possibly forever, "but bringing something of Ian's hurt too much, so she packed this instead." My brain was catching up to what he was saying, the way he said it, and how his eyes changed from longing for a place to longing for a person. It was then that I knew what the box held. 

A little uneasily, I opened the box, the crushed velvet still the brilliant maroon-magenta it was, like the color of a fresh picked radish, some parts lighter than others. The spoons shone in the candle light, bright brilliant silver as they has all those years ago. Apostle spoons, a christening gift for our first daughter. I put my glasses on and picked one up and instantly I was back in France - empty, and alone. I don’t know how long I stood there, not really there, feeling the pain France left me with, and the life France stole from me. I was brought back to the here and now when Jamie came close behind me, I could feel the heat of his body warming me, almost from the inside out. It was him who healed me, made me whole after, in our togetherness. He bent closer, his copper curls brushing my shoulder as he said, "Saint Peter," followed by his distinctive Scottish grunt, halfway between a laugh and an agreement. To what, I'm not sure. I made a mental note to ask him who bloody Saint Peter was, later though.

I turned to him to see that his slanted eyes were measuring my emotions, but also showing me some of his, and how it burdened him after all this time, too. "We wouldn't have Fergus, you know?" I whispered. "If we never went."

"Aye," his face broke slowly into a half smile, "Fergus."

"He still belongs with you… and with me," I meant it. Fergus was like a son to me, he had been from the day I first knew him.

"Aye, he does," Jamie spoke so softly I thought I imagined it. A time later he said, "and plenty o other folk."

I set the spoon back in its spot, and counted the rest. Eleven. There was still an indention in the velvet where the twelfth spoon should have been, like the box remembered its loss too. Number twelve never left our hearts, but it was physically not with us, much like the daughter of ours it represented. I took a deep breath, and he wrapped his arms around my waist. I pointed to the spoon I'd just put down and said "One for Bree," then pointed to the one next to it, "And one for Fergus." 

He made that hmp noise again, and picked up where I left off "Marsali too eh?" nodding his chin at the third spoon.

"And Joan," I knew Jamie appreciated my recognition of his stepdaughter. Saying this brought on a twinge of… jealousy? To remember he was there for Joan in her younger years and not for Bree, I thought - no I knew - I was well over that, but the heart doesn’t forget easily. 

That feeling quickly faded when Jamie said, "Rodger Mac," with a very distinct tone of longing for his son in law, they were more like friends, companions bound by horrific experiences, happy ones too. He was a son to the both of us.

I thought for a bit, staring at spoon number six, swaying in his arms, "Willie," I said, and it came out as more of an exhale than a word, but he heard me just fine. His son, my stepson at one brief point in my life, I guess that still applied. I turned my head to the side to look at him, and the love was so clear in his eyes. 

He squeezed me tighter for a beat, "Well Sassenach, that’s an awful lot of barins. Recon we should add wee Ian to yon list." Ian, who left home to find adventure with Jamie. Ian, who sacrificed himself to Indians for the sake of Rodger. Ian, who we watched grow into the man he is today, all Scot under his tribal tattoos. He belonged with us too.

"Yes, Ian and Rachel," I could feel him nodding in agreement as I was thinking of the lesson I had given Rachel on martial activities. "Oh and Dottie!" She was the one who asked for the lesson after all. Sometime before their weddings, neither Rachel nor Dottie had their mothers with them - one dead and the other a sea away - so that left me to educate them on human sexuality. Since then, a kinship bloomed between us, the female kind of friendship where being shy is not a thing and seeking advice was common, in things to do with men and otherwise. Yes. I was a sort of mother to them - however unholy.

"Ye think so?" Jamie's eyebrows were pulled together in question at the mention of Dottie, "Well, she did learn a great lot from ye in the army tents, and I'm rather fond of a lassie who isna afraid to ask questions." And questions she asked.

He looked a little uneasy before he murmmered the last name I expected him to, "Malva Christie… Another lass unafraid to learn about yer wee herbs and knives."

"I- I… Suppose so," I was startled that he would even consider her, but began remembering her eagerness to learn, and help, and listen to me work. Yes. Malva Christie was a student of mine, a lost soul but she had no living mother in the time that I knew her. So that made her mine. And what is mine is Jamie's. It touched me that Jamie could see how much I had enjoyed Malva, and that he didn't let the messy end to her life and subsequent reprocussions of it on our lives get in the way of recognizing my relationship with her. "Okay, that makes eleven."

Hmp. "Denny," Jamie said with finality, "he saved your life Mo chridhe, without him ye wouldna be here, and I think ye taught him a bit in the way of healing, no?"

My heart was so full I thought it might pop. "Yes, Denny will do." He was the first doctor I had come across in this time that I would trust with my life - and I had to, I did. In him, I found a colleague who I rather enjoyed surprising with my creative ways at medicine. He always listened, and trusted me, even when I told him to pack my surgical wound with cheese. There was a boyish aura to him, and in being a sort of teacher to him, I could see how I would be a maternal figure to him.

"Well Sassenach," Jamie said while turning me to face him, "That makes twelve. They may no all have my blood, but they have me. My protection, a place to stay on a cold night, what's left o my riches, someone to listen, someone to help…"

"They have your love," I placed my hand over his heart, stopping his monologue. It was true.

"Aye, and yours," Jamie put his hand over my heart. He leaned close so that our foreheads touched. "We have a family Claire, we built this, ye ken?" there was a glow to him, to know that twelve people, at some point in their lives looked to Jamie as their father figure, or to me as a mother. The part of him that yearned to be a father for so many years felt fulfilled, I knew that to be true.

I kissed him, wordlessly thanking him for making a family with me, for me. I had never dreamed of a life like this - so full of people I cared for, so full of people that were… Mine. Ours. I was still kissing him, and smiled into the kiss as I felt rather than heard a hum deep in his throat. I pulled away, grinning into the face of the man that gave me so much.

 "Family. I like the sound of that," I really did. "But you know I'd be happy with just you."

"Good thing Sassenach," he spoke into my ear, grazed it with his teeth, then kissed his way to the knot at the top of my shift, "as its just the two of us tonight."

The two of us became one, for the three hundred thousandth time in my life. Or so it felt that way. When we were done, he rolled us sideways so that we faced each other laying on the bed, my legs still wrapped around him, and he still inside of me. I didn't mind when he did this, but he usually only did so when he needed some sort of emotional balm. I stroked his back, the scars that marked him, the weight of him was so heavy on my leg under him, but I wasn't about to complain. He kissed me while we were still connected, still one, and held me for some time before slipping out and rolling onto his back. I laid on my back too and was rubbing my leg, trying to get some life back into it.

I could feel the pins and needles sensation slowly fading with the free rush of blood through my veins as Jamie asked, "Sassenach?"

"Mmm?" I shifted onto my side, propped up on my elbow to get a better look at him.

"Ye think we can still do… er.. Hmp," his ears were pink, and the flush was creeping over his chest and face as well. My mind went to the more elaborate Karma Sutra positions we had - in our younger years - been able to do, but age changes things, and there were a few that didn’t feel quite right anymore. But I was certain he was sated from our roll in the sheets just minutes ago, I could feel his seed slick between thighs. So no, he probably wasn't asking if we could try an old trick again. He cleared his throat before asking, "Do ye think we can still be like this… that we can… lie wi each other when we go to heaven?"

I thought for a moment, of Jesus H Roosevelt Christ and his take on the marital bed. It floored me that Jamie could still be so innocent, so pure. I took at shot at levity, "I think that we should be allowed to. If not, the, er… Other place sounds just as nice."

He laughed first, and I quickly joined. "I would follow ye to Judas himself, mo chridhe, so long as I could still fill ye with my cock, and hear yer wee noises. I can take ye to the edge, fling you over it and to see ye so bonnie and open to me and me alone… I dinna ken why but to see you so, to know that it was me who made you so, it makes everything better. Nothing hurts when I'm loving ye."

Not a bad way to live for eternity, I thought. He pulled me closer, my head now on his chest and his buried in my hair. We laid there in silence for a while, hands lazily exploring, then I remembered Saint Peter "Remind me again who Saint Peter was?"

"Mhm. Patron of fishermen." Thoughtfully he added, "he is no known for that ye ken, but for what the Lord asked him, O ye of little faith, why did you doubt?" My heart squeezed. "Ye doubted ye could have any barins at all Sassenach… and look at ye now, twelve of yer own."

"Twelve of our own."

[minimin1993]

S/M 24 & B/L 24

Warning: Daniel Sharman!! (If thats even a warning. Can't help myself.) BUCKLIN FEELS!!!

The next couple months flew by when Tyler texted her.

GrummpyCat

    Hey the cast are in town and going clubbing tonight

    Was wondering if you wanna join?

   Crystal and Daniel are coming too

 MinnieMouse

    Yeah I would love to come.

 GrummpyCat

    Great, because Daniel hasn’t been able to stop asking about you

 MinnieMouse

    Pft, shut up. 

 GrummpyCat

    Uh huh, you know you like it

    You did say your favorite character was Issac Lahey 

 MinnieMouse

    NOOOO! I said he was my second favorite character.

 GrummpyCat

    Then who’s first? *Wink* 

 MinnieMouse 

    Coughcoughderekhalecoughcough

 GrummpyCat

    I KNEW IT!!!! I am too hard to resist.

 MinnieMouse

     PFTTTT!! I don’t know what you are talking about. 

    Totally not into your stupid green eyes, sexy ass beard

    And maybe washboard abs I would love to lick. PFTT.

 GrummpyCat

    LOLOL. That's good to know.

    Filming with you was really fun though 

    I honestly miss it.

 MinnieMouse

    Sure, or you miss my naked body on yours?

 GrummpyCat

    That was a plus, you do have a great body though. 

    And your back tattoo is hot as fuck when you are naked.

MinnieMouse

    ‘LOLOL. That’s good to know’

 GrummpyCat    

    Whatever LOL, speaking the truth though.

 MinnieMouse

    Thanks :) 

 Later Min met up with Tyler at the club where the rest was already there. 

“Min you made it, shit you look great.” Posey said coming over giving her a hug. “Thanks. And of course I would, can’t miss hanging out with you guys.”

“Now that you are here I want to introduce you to Daniel who hasn’t shut up about you.” Posey said dragging her over to the blue eye hottie who haven’t noticed that she is there yet. “Daniel look who’s here.”

When Daniel look over Min couldn’t help but smirk seeing him blush at her sight.

“Cat got your tongue?” Hoechlin jokes

“Naw, he is just speechless that Min looks hot as fuck tonight.” O’Brien said 

“Thanks.” Min said tucking her hair behind her ears making Daniel blush more causing her to giggle. 

“Heyy I am Min.” She said walking over to Daniel who was staring at her awestruck.

“Daniel. Wow you are stunning in real life.” Daniel said 

“Oh so I am ugly on screen then.” Min pouted 

“What?! No.. Noo. I mean.. Shit..” Daniel stuttered.

“I was joking, but thanks you don’t look bad yourself. Now if you guys would excuse me I am going to get myself a drink.” Min said walking over to the bar. 

“Smooth Daniel, I have never seen you so tongue tied before.” Crystal joked. 

“Oh shut up.” 

“Now it's your chance go talk to her before I change my mind and go myself.” Ian said nudging Daniel.

 After that meet up Daniel ended up taking Min on a date and the pair have been inseparable since until she had to leave to go film for Captain America Civil War. 

  For the past few weeks Linda has been traveling the world hitting all the Hydra bases that recently got hit knowing that it was Bucky who did them but she never finds any trace of him. She was currently at a Hydra base in Iceland when she found fresh bloody footprints leading to a hidden cabin. She pulls out her gun and slowly makes her way over to the cabin looking into the window she saw her Bucky sitting on the bed cleaning up his wound on his side. 

“You know if you wanted to follow me you should be more quiet.” Bucky said not looking up at her making her laugh softly. 

“How did you know I was following you?” Linda said climbing into the window wanting to come over to help him but he put his shirt on immediately. 

“I knew 4 bases back someone was following me and it didn’t take long for me to figure out it’s you.” 

“Do you remember me?” Linda asked hoping not to show any emotion. 

“You're Linda Grey from the Howling Commando.” He said walking to the bathroom to wash his bloody hands. 

“That's all you remember?” 

“I am not your James anymore, if that's what you are implying.” He said looking over at her.  

“That’s bullshit. If your not my James then why did you rescue me from the River? Why are you talking to me right now then?” 

“To give you closure that James is gone.” 

“Fuck you James Buchanan Barnes, give me closure. Do you know how hard it was for me to think you were dead? We mourned for you, I mourned for you.” Linda said walking over to him touching his face. 

“Linda, I can’t be with you, I killed people. I am plagued with the faces of my victims. Our memories comes and goes, theres day where I can barely remember my own name.” He said closing his eyes leaning into her touch. 

“Then we can remember them together, please James. I thought I lost you once, now you’re right here in front of me. I can’t lose you again.” 

“Linda…” 

“Please, we can take this slow. We will go at your pace. We can even just be friends, I don't care as long as I am with you.”

“I will hurt you. He can still come out anytime.” 

“I regenerate remember, plus she can take him.” Linda said flashing her eyes at him. 

“Please don’t tell Steve, I am not ready for him. He won’t understand.” 

“I can’t hide this from Steve. He’s been looking for you.” 

“I know but I am not the same Bucky he remember anymore. You said you will go at my own pace.” He said with a pained expression.. 

“Fine. Now let me see that wound before it gets infected.” She said trying to remove his shirt but he stops her from lifting it off his shoulder. She looks up to look at him but he just shakes his head, she admitted defeat sitting him down on the bed holding his shirt up slowly starts to clean up the wound before bandaging it properly. 

“Now sleep let that heal a bit before we move to the next location, I will sleep on the couch.” Linda said pulling his shirt back down laying him down on the bed before walking over to the closet pulling out an extra blanket settling into the couch. 

Linda laid there scared to fall asleep to wake up with him gone so she decided to head down to the kitchen to see what she can find for food, only to find a couple of canned goods. She settled on eating chicken noodle soup when she heard Bucky screaming in the bedroom. She runs in to see him thrash on the bed sweating profoundly. 

“James, it’s a nightmare. Wake up my love.” She said calmly touching his face softly, when he finally wakes up he looked at her with such a sad expression on his face.

“You’re alright. It was only a nightmare.” She said pushing his hair back away from his face, he lifts his hand up wiping her tears she didn’t know fell.

“Go back to sleep.” She said placing a kiss on his forehead, she was about to walk away when he grabs her wrist pulling her onto the bed next to him. He lays her down pulling her close to his chest wrapping his arm around her not letting her go before he slowly drifts back off to sleep. 

When Linda woke up she was greeted with an empty bed, immediately she looked around not finding Bucky. 

“James.” Linda said with tears running down her face, she went back to the room and started to get her stuff ready to go look for him again when the front door of the cabin opened. Linda immediately pulled out her gun and pointed right at the door seeing Bucky stand there with a couple bags of food. 

“I thought you left again.” Linda said putting her gun down walking over to him. 

“You cried.” He said staring at her tear stained face.

 “No I wasn’t.” She turned around wiping it off. 

“You can’t lie to me Linda.” He said walking to the kitchen putting the food down. “We’re camping here for a little bit, I got us food in town.” 

“Ok that's good, um I am going to go wash up then.” She said heading to the showers. When she emerged, she was dressed in a tank top with leggings. Bucky turned around to take in her appearance, he landed on her necklace before clutching his head painfully.

“Are you okay?” Linda said running over to him but he puts his hand out stopping her. 

“Yeah, just another memory.” He said shaking his head.

“Are they always that painful?” 

“Yeah. Foods ready, I don’t remember much but I remember the spaghetti my ma always made.” He said scooping himself and her a bowl before sitting down on the table. 

  This went on for months just them two traveling around taking out Hydra bases together. Everynight they got into the routine of sleeping next to each other giving each other comfort they had been missing for over 70 years. Bucky's memories are still spotty, slowly but surely coming back. As time goes on, his touches became more bold and starts to linger longer and longer. They are currently on the couch of the safehouse in Bucharest Romania, he is currently laying on her lap while she plays with his hair. 

“Linda you know you don’t have to follow me around right?” He said looking up at her. 

“I know, but I want to. I am with the person I love again, there is no where else I rather be.” Linda said looking at him lovingly. 

“I think we should stay here in Bucharest and lay low for a bit, if that’s okay with you.”    “As long as I am with you.” She said with a smile on her face, he reaches his hand up to touch her face before leaning up and places a kiss on her lips making her gasp. 

“I love you.” He whispered into her lips feeling her smile into the kiss, “I love you too James.”  he sits up pulling her onto his lap kissing her more passionately before breaking away looking down at the ring on her necklace holding it in his hand. 

“I gave you this once and I made a promise I didn’t keep but seeing it always on you gives me hope that maybe one day we can have it again.” He said looking at her.

“We still could have that my love, if you'll have me.” She said.

“You would still want that with a monster like me.” He said lifting his metal hand looking at it.    “You are not a monster my love. Nothing will change what I feel for you.” She said taking his metal hand to her lips, she then leans down placing a kiss over his chest where the arm was fused making him moan. “You are just as beautiful as the day I met you.” She said grabbing the hem of his shirt slowly pulling it up waiting for his approval. When he didn’t stop her, she took it off before she touches the scar softly with tears running down her face. 

“Why are you crying?” 

“I can’t imagine what you had been through.” She said kissing the scar running her hands up his chest wrapping it around his shoulder. 

“Trust me you don’t.” He kisses her one more time standing up with her wrapped around his waist and heads over to the bed they currently share and declared their love for one another once again. 

[drferox]

20 Questions with Dr Ferox #10

200 questions in these bundled posts! Unfortunately nothing extra special for you, just more answers. 

@loveprose said:  hey doc! ive been following you for a while and i absolutely love your blog, your humor, and your intelligence! i just wanted to say that im very thankful to have learned so much from your blog, and im glad that your patients benefit from having you as their doctor! youre amazing :D QT: my headcanon for you is that you absolutely love dino nuggets, and you like to eat them as if youre a predatory dinosaur

I did not actually know that dino nuggets were a thing. So I researched.

And I have decided I need to become more familiar with them. Rawr.

Anonymous said: Do you have a list of pets you wish weren't inbred to a point where they are just a walking mess? Or, I guess my question is what are your thoughts on those types of pets, like pugs for example(pugs are the only ones I can think of at the moment)? I am perfectly fine if you don't want to answer this at all. I'm certain there are better questions to answer in your inbox.

Kind of... all of them.

The difficulty with this question is that the list doesn’t end, and sort of can’t so long as we cling to an idea of ‘purebred’ being better. Purebreds are predictable, sure, but not inherently superior.

There are inbreeding problems not just in domestic pets, but other domestic species too. Fresian and Angus cattle are heading that way too

@glassslippers-and-tinywhiskers said: Hi! So I might be getting a Papillon soon!! She's a retired show dog and seems perfect except that she needs to have a few of her top front teeth removed. She's only 3 and her breeder takes very good care of her dogs, brushing their teeth regularly. Having those few teeth out doesn't make me want her less but it does make me concerned for the future of the rest of her teeth. I guess my question is why many small dogs are so prone to teeth issues even when they're being cared for?

Some dogs appear to have a genetic predisposition to dental disease, and this isn’t just limited to small dogs (*cough* greyhounds *cough*). Some teeth are easier to clean than others within an individual dog too, and the incisors and molars tend to be the most difficult. Brushing reduce their risk factors, but can’t even eliminate them.

@knikna said: Hi Dr Ferox! Love your blog, learning lots from it :) I've heard that if chihuahuas lose too many teeth, their jaw can start to disintegrate. Have you heard this/is there any truth to this? I don't really trust google haha

If they lose too many teeth from the front of their lower jaw then the bone can recede and atrophy, but if you leave too many infected teeth in there for too long then you can get oteomyelitis, and that will ‘disintegrate’ the jaw and leave it prone to spontaneous fractures.

@ warpedellipsis said: I forget if it was you, but someone said horses can't heal broken legs because they can't not put weight on the leg. Is there such a thing as a three legged horse? Or no, for the same reason--they need all four legs to put weight on?

The bones can certainly heal, but keeping the horse alive and free of laminitis is a significant challenge in the post operative period and often fails. That said, there are some 3-legged equines out there in the world, but they tend to be on the smaller side and not every equine has a suitable temperament for surviving as a 3 legged creature.

(Image source)

3D printing might make this more common in the future.

Anonymous said: Is it possible for cats to have pollen allergies because one of our cats is kind of Sneezy on high pollen count days but like he has no other symptoms of a respiratory infection and it's not constant it's just more than usual you'd expect from a cat

It’s entirely possible, and they can be allergic to more than one kind of pollen too.

Another Anonymous said: (1/2) honestly yeah youre a vet but if youre the owner; youre going to know very intimately your animal and their behavior; if something they do changes it never hurts to check! one of my cats would cough for like a second, but it happened sooo intermittently (maybe once every.....4 months) that i didnt know whether or not if it was anything,`but after a year. turns out after an xray his lungs were super inflamed and hes an asthmatic! and since i now knew i hadnt been overreacting, when 2/2 i rescued my second cat off the streets i noticed him sneezing, took him in MUCH quicker, and hes an asthmatic as well (i think im the unluckiest person in the world lol). at one point w/ that same cat i woke up and he was wheezing a little and hiding under my bed (if your normally social cat starts hiding under things theres probably something wrong) ran him into my vet straight away and he was in the throes a terrible life threatening asthma attack. it really never hurts to check!

This highlights the difficulty in giving advice over the internet. I have no way of knowing what’s normal for that animal and whether a description is accurate. I always tell people if they’re worried enough to seek advice they’re worried enough to contact a vet.

Anonymous said: So I have two questions. 1. What are hot spots? And 2. What is your opinion on golden retrievers? Like what should I look out for?

Hot Spots are a severe, moist skin infection that rapidly spreads, associated with moisture being trapped against the skin and allergies.

I just so happen to have written about Golden Retrievers here.

Anonymous said: A previous question asked about a lapse of time between jobs. Do employers / Vets that are hiring consider schooling during that time without working a bad thing (until internships)? I've also had two shoulder surgeries that aren't fully healed after 2 years, they're still healing.... Would they frown highly on that? They're functional and all, just some days they hurt more and cause migraines. Trying to look ahead of the game.

If you’re schooling between jobs you’re still doing something, same applies to recovering from an injury or parental leave. It’s large periods of apparently nothing that tend to raise questions.

I don’t think anyone can ask you what’s happened to your shoulders, just whether they would prevent you from doing the job you’re applying for.

Anonymous asked: I was wondering if you could tell me about the availability of work for vet nurses/techs where you live? Where I am currently, despite the fact that the education for vet nurses is very in-depth and extensive, the opportunity for a sustainable job is not exactly available. Salaries are so low that most nurses are forced to change occupation after just 5-7 years of working in practice. I'm about to graduate from my final (4th) year of university and am looking for better career options abroad!

There is an over-supply of training vet nurses because various educational institutions opened up courses because they could, accepted students, then required students to have X hours work in a clinic per week for their course, but didn’t provide these positions for them.

So there are lots of cheap, inexperienced vet nurses and we also suffer from the same issue of lack of career progression, so nurses 5-10 years out start looking elsewhere for a better wage.

@ dixiethumbelina asked: Hi! I was wondering if its possible to tell if a female cat is desexed. We inherited a cat with our farm and were told by a neighbour that shes the old owner's ex wife's, and was desexed and 'chipped.   If she is, her chip won't scan with our scanners, and she has no tattoo, nicked ear, etc to indicate that she's desexed. We also found a approx 6 wk old kitten with her prior to moving her into the house.   Our vet said not to worry about it now  as she's too old to breed but I'm curious! :)

There might be an abdominal scar in the ventral abdomen, or possibly in the flank depending on how she was speyed. Unfortunately without a tattoo, nick or microchip it’s very hard to tell. Ultrasound might detect the uterus and ovaries if they’re there, but just because you can’t find them doesn’t mean you didn’t miss them. Cats don’t really go through menopause like we do, they can still get pregnant at an advanced age.

Anonymous said: I volunteer at a vet clinic, and often observe the surgeries that the vet performs to get a better idea of what I'm going to be dealing with as a future vet myself. We recently had a young Corgi come in for a neuter, but after the surgery, the vet wanted to remove the dew claws while he was still out because she said that they tend to get caught on carpet. Is that reason enough to remove a puppy's dew claws?

Front dew claws do not tend to ‘get caught on the carpet’ they usually don’t touch the ground.

Hind dewclaws are more of an issue if they’re attached only by skin and no bone. They flop all over the place and are prone to injury, the dog doesn’t use them, and owners often forget to keep them trimmed to prevent ingrown, painful nails. Desexing is a convenient time to remove them, with pain relief.

@ thumpertrevelyan asked: What do you think of Catios (cat patios)? Are they good enrichment for a strictly indoor cat? Or would it up their risks since the could still be bit by fleas and ticks? Or?

I’m not familiar with that specific brand, but outdoor cat enclosures are great enrichment. Yes they can still get parasites, but their odds of injury, theft and poisoning are still greatly reduced.

@horsejunkie asked: Hi there! My family currently has 3 cats and we have always fed them free-range (food available all the time) Our 17 yr old is diabetic and receives insulin 2x per day. Our almost 8 yr old ragdoll is overweight, but otherwise healthy. My mom argues that the diabetic cat needs access to food all the time, but I want to limit the ragdoll's food intake to help him lose weight. Is it true that diabetic cats need constant food access? also, where do you keep pickles the stegosaurus?

Not all diabetic cats need constant food, though it helps prevent hypoglycaemia, especially if they like to graze. If your cat’s glucose is currently well controlled, don’t mess with it.

You could consider a microchip feeder for your cats.

Anonymous said: What do you think of people that makes their pets fat because they look cuter? I am a second year vet student

I would tell them that their pet is going to be just as cute at a healthy weight and is going to have less issues with arthritis, pancreatitis and brachycephalic airway syndrome (if relevant) at a leaner weight. I also remind people that being a big heavier than perfect can be fine, but if they’re deliberately feeding their pet to batter and fatter for their own amusement then that’s not fair.

Anonymous said: I saw that last submission and now I'm interested in doggy-vitiligo. My pupper is a schnauzer(?) yorkie(?) mystery-mix. He's nearly 10 years old now but we got him when he was a baby, just old enough to have left his mom. He was dark-haired then with a dark nose but he immediately began losing pigmentation, including on his nose. By the time he was 5 he looked nothing like he had at 1 and lost all the schnauzer-style patterning. Thoughts?

It might be normal. Lots of breeds have coat colours that change in the first few years of life. If it’s not associated with any skin pathology then it’s probably no big deal.

Anonymous said: (I'm sorry if I break any ask rules, I'm new) I'm in my junior year of high school and I really want to be a vet. I'm taking vet science my senior year and I'm excited but my grades in math are bad. I'm retaking geometry currently. My counselor advises against a 4th year but that means not taking Algebra 2. I dont want to but is it going to look bad on my transcripts? Should I take it anyway? QT: Do you believe in anything supernatural?

You need to talk to someone at your intended tertiary institution, because I honestly don’t know what they’re looking for. It’s a long time since I was applying for vet school.

I have a bunch of superstitions but I don’t think I really believe in anything supernatural.

@mari5701 asked: Hi I saw the vaccine post and was wondering about vet external labs. Are they private labs or part of the veterinary practice? You may not know the answer to this question but: do the lab technicians need to go through vet school? Thanks so much! I came for the humor and stayed for all the interesting stories.

The external laboratories are private companies that are not part of the veterinary practice. They may be associated with human medical labs, or vet only. Some of their employees are vets, but I’m sure not all of them are.

Anonymous said: I'd like to thank you for changing my opinions on euthanasia. I used to be insistent on euthanasia only being used after having tried everything, but this blog, and becoming a fish keeper, have helped me realize that euthanasia is overly demonized and is sometimes a better option than continuing to attempt to treat, sometimes

It’s normal human behavior to demonize death. We tend to shut it away, to try to pretend it’s not there for as long as possible, but we need to talk about it sometimes to minimize suffering.

Anonymous said: Do you have any hobbies you like to do to chill out after work? Or other skills you just happen to have and like using, like drawing or writing? 

Nah, I’d been going around calling myself an Author for no reason at all.