#it has not been an issue for YEARS but apparently after eating her dinner she was still hungry 🙄

[tetedurfarm]

bruh. i woke up this morning to discover one of my pythons has escaped her terrarium and helped herself to two of my white-ear kits.

and then, insult to injury, those kits were in two different boxes, that had plenty other kits in them, but the two kits she ate were the ONLY non-white kits in those boxes.

i did NOT raise her like this

[ominouspuff]

Kote’s House

Kote’s first house is a pathetic thing, and he is incurably proud of it. The twi’lek he purchased it from very evidently could not make up his mind what to do with a man that grinned while he haggled, but it was the first time Kote had haggled over a purchase of his very own. He had thoroughly enjoyed it.

The house is built for one being, and a compact being at that, but Kote doesn’t have much. Moving in is quick, and most of his efforts during the next few days after go into attempting ambitious repairs for things he doesn’t know the first thing about. 

His plumbing is an issue, he knows. Something is getting blocked up. Somehow while trying to fix the kitchen tumbler, his fresher spout explodes.

He hadn’t kept his new house a secret from anyone by any means, but it is still surprising when Fox barges in through his jamming front door. He finds Kote on the floor in his cramped kitchen while the fresher rains water in the adjacent room, laughing so hard and so crippled with delight that he can’t get up.

He tries to explain how wonderful it is —

“I-I have to fix my plumbing on my own, vod—”

—but judging by Fox’s single raised eyebrow he knows it doesn’t translate.

Fox, it turns out, is moving into the neighborhood. Kote doesn’t ask about the house Fox already has — the house he has visited, which is very nice and fancy — or point out that Fox’s contract there cannot possibly be up, which begs the question of why he’s here in Kote’s neighborhood — except that Kote already knows the answer to that question. So he doesn’t ask.

Fox doesn’t show him any grace or forbearance, though.

“Don’t even know how to fix a damn pipe, front lining show-off—” His brother snarls, but it is muffled; his top half had to go down beneath the floor they’d pried up to get at the plumbing issue.

“So that’s what they had you doing all these years.” Kote says, because he really is in a criminally good mood. He barely ducks the foot-long pipe Fox throws at his head, feeling giddy.

He makes dinner that night in thanks. Fox stays, ostensibly because now that he’s fixed the fresher he intends to use it, because his new house isn’t hooked up properly yet to all the supply lines and power grids. 

They choke on homemade tiingilar (vode-style; Kote can’t pretend at the real thing yet) so heavily spiced it’s got grit to it that sticks between the teeth. It’s disgusting, but Cody had bought fifteen different spices and while usually he likes to keep his approach to the unknown more cautious, more methodical, he couldn’t think of anything he wanted to do more than use them all at once for the first time. 

Wolffe joins them not long after; brings a few others along by recommending the apartment he picks out, so that soon most of the complex is taken up by vode, Kote hears, but he doesn’t visit yet. Everyone’s too busy coming over to his house, it seems; filling up his kitchen and asking why he hasn’t fixed the trash disposal yet, why he doesn’t have a couch, doesn’t he know they’re all the rage among civilized folk?

Kote fixes the trash disposal with Rex, who is better at it than he is but says it’s only due to Skywalker’s influence on managing all things mechanical. 

“How is Skywalker?” Kote asks, and gets more than he bargained for over the next hour. At first he’s a bit off-put, because he’s trying to get dinner sorted again and he’s not been very fond of Skywalker at the best of times, but Rex is snorting out a story and laughing and it’s contagious, so Kote just resigns himself and settles in to enjoy.

Skywalker has little ones, now. Obi-Wan is the only one that can get them to sleep. Ahsoka is distressed; she knows better, but every instinct in her is apparently in agony over the little ones’ inability to eat meat yet. She obsesses over nutrients in their diet — which, given what tiny natborn humans primarily ingest in the early stages, makes for some slightly awkward conversations.

Rex helps with dinner afterward, and they take turns being incredulous over natborn baby facts, shoving around one another in the tiny, uncomfortable kitchen.

“What’s your next project?” Rex asks at one point, glancing sidelong with a cheeky look, and Kote levels his vegetable knife at him (he’s got a vegetable knife. Specifically for vegetables. It’s a very new concept). 

“I make everyone’s dinner on Tuangsdays.” He says. “I’m productive.”

Rex’s sharp-toothed grin turns thoughtful. “Yeah” He says. “Everyone loves coming here, you know. You could be the new 79’s.”

Kote knows. He plans and plots, and puts more work into researching recipes than he’s put into any research whatsoever in months. It feels a bit like coming out of a shore leave; his thoughts quicken and his excitement grows. He hunts down a market. He brings a bag. He shops, bargains, and returns victorious.

He sends out a few comms., and can’t help but shake his head and grin at how different the responses are. 

What a marvelous idea, Cody. His general — ex-general — says.

Yus pls, Ahsoka sends back, with some sort of strange tooka vidclip that dances with wiggly gyrations Kote can only assume indicate excitement.

Where is your house, Anakin says, blunt and to the point, and Kote can appreciate that. 

He sends the address. He cooks all day. The sun sets, and Fox and Wolffe arrive, already bickering, Rex trailing behind with a long-suffering look sent to Kote, begging commiseration.

“Ugh, don’t you ever stop smiling, now?” He gripes when Kote just grins at him.��

“Nope,” Kote says, unrepentantly.

He leaves the soup on the stove, simmering, and takes his cup of caf to the window. He leans on it, breathing in cool air, and just listens — listens to the squabbling as Wolffe gets on Fox’s case for not washing Kote’s dishes correctly the last time they visited. Hears the soft thumps of Rex sneaking into the cramped room Kote has set aside for plants and the sole pet he has; a pastel goullian, fins swaying ever so gently, permanent scowl in place. Thinks he catches, distantly, the sound of his remaining three guests (Padme couldn’t attend, and had made him feel very awkward by how thoughtfully she apologized for it) plodding up the hill. 

“Cody!” Ahsoka cries, coming into view and waving. 

Kote’s cheeks have stopped aching from all the smiling he’s gotten used to, so it’s easy to let another through.

[fallingdownhell]

Hello!! If your requests are open do you have any plans on writing something similar to genshin men forgetting your birthday but with different characters? :D maybe diluc and/or kaeya for example

Sure can do! Angst will always be my favourite!

Characters Included: Diluc; Kaeya

Content: gender neutral reader; hurt/no comfort; angst; the boys don't realize their mistakes; cursing; not proofread yet

Word count: 1,3k words

Enjoy the heartbreak<3

Diluc

Being with Diluc was exhausting sometimes. And sometimes, it felt like you were in no relationship to begin with. You knew that protecting the city and it's people was important to Diluc, but.. sometimes you just wished to be his number one...

Sometimes, you really wonder how you managed to stay in this relationship for three long years without any issue.. then again, its not like it has always been this way.

The first two years were amazing. Diluc was an attentive lover, always concerned about your well being, that you felt comfortable with him. Only recently did that seem to change. He had less and less time for you, always coming back home in the dead of night and left before you woke up in the morning.

You tried to deal with it somehow, since talking to him about it was apparently no option, seeing as he always pushed you away when you tried approaching the topic with him.

But today... today might just be your last straw..

In all the three years with him, Diluc has always made it a point to make your birthday a most special occaison. Telling you weeks in advance to clear this day up since he wanted to spend it with you. He always planned something different, but you loved it each time.

This year, however, nothing came from him. No notice to keep your calender clean, nothing.

You thought, that when you spotted him in bed next to you this morning, maybe you just thought wrong and he wanted to surprise you.

But when he woke up, no words of gartulations left his mouth. Instead, he simply got up, got dressed and went out again, but not before telling you that he would be back for dinner tonight.. which was a rare occaison as well.

You tried so hard to give him the benefit of the doubt.. going about your day at the mansion, going on a walk in the nice, afternoon soon as people from the Dawn Winery congratulated you for your special day. You thanked them, while trying to keep your composure.

Nothing meant anything to you when the person closest to you didn't remember it themselves...

Night came, and with it came dinner time. Adelinde took the time out of her day to prepare a full on five course meal, all consisting of your favourite dishes. You told her multiple times that this wasn't necessary at all, but she wouldn't have it. So, as fate would have it, you were now enjoying the food... however, alone.

Diluc has yet to show up, but not wanting to let the food get cold, you decided to just start eating.

Later on, you realized that the dissapointment washing over you didn't even face you anymore, having expected this outcome already.

So, you ate quietly, until the door to the mansion opened, revealing the owner of Dawn Winery himself.

"Diluc!", you exlaimed, standing up from your seat, a smile on your lips. He came after all...

But he immediately put a damper on your mood as he raised his hand, a deep sigh escaping him as he threw his coat off.

"Please, not now, (name). I'm exhausted."

With that, he went directly for the staircase, not even acknowloding anything else around him.

"But.. don't you wanna join in for dinner? There's a lot left and-!"

"I said, not now!", he suddenly yelled at you.

You were shocked, looking at him like a deer caught in headlight. Regret briefly washed over him for raising his voice at you, but he chose not to say anything. Instead, he turned around again and made his way up the stairs where he immediately went into his office, looking himself away from you again.

You watched after him, slumping back into your chair as he was out of sight. You tried so desperately to hold back your tears but they came crashing out of you as soon as you saw Adelinde leave the kitchen, a big birthday cake in her hands.

She gave you a weak, sympathetic smile as she sat down next to you on a chair, patting your back gently as you let the dissapointment sink in..

Kaeya

You were maneuvering your way through the many people in your living room, trying to get to your balcony, hoping to get some fresh air and clear your thoughts.

Lisa planned this whole thing perfectly. Keeping you busy the entire day with her while everyone else was preparing your surprise birthday party in your home.

You had not expected anything like that, especially not after the dissapointment you recieved this morning already. Kaeya has never once failed to remember any special day during your relationship. Be it a birthday, an anniversary or anything like that. You never had to remind him, he just always knew and was prepared.

So, naturally, you didn't feel the need to remind him that your birthday was coming up, thinking that he was already aware of that fact.

However, when you woke up this morning, everything was far too normal. He was still sleeping beside you, cuddling with you for a few more minutes, before you both got up and he left for work.

No congratulations, no gift, no nothing. He didn't say anything at all...

You were feeling kinda down after that, slumping around in your home.. That's when Lisa came over and practically forced you out the house. She congratulated you, then took you shopping, to lunch and so on.

She kept you busy the entire day and the incident with you boyfriend went farther and farther to the back of your mind.

That was, until you returned back to your house. Suddenly, the lights switched on before you could even do anything. People jumping out from all around, yelling "Surprise!", at you, while laughing at your flabbergasted reaction.

A surprise party.. now Lisa's behaviour made sense to you. Your mood lightened up, thinking that it must have been Kaeya's doing and planning.

You thanked everyone that came up to congratulate you, making small talk with them while trying to scan the people for your boyfriend. When you didn't see him anywhere, you went to ask Lisa about him, but she said she had no idea where he was..

This dampened your mood again, so you decided to get some fresh air, maybe that would help cool you off again.

As you were outside on the balcony, you saw Kaeya approaching your shared home. Excited, you went inside again to meet him at the front door. But when you opened it, you were met with a seemingly bad mood from your boyfriend.

Before you could ask him what was going on, he already started complaining. "Seriously? Are you for real?"

"What?", you just said, confused on what he meant. But that just seemed to frustrate Kaeya even more.

"So, everyone leaves work, leaving all of it for me to deal with, just because you decided to throw a fucking party? I've had a fucking exhausting day, (name). How do you expect me to relax with this many people here, huh?"

"I-It wasn't my-!"

"Oh, don't give me that crap! Who else if not you would plan such a thing, and in our house as well? You know what, I'm gonna leave. I'll sleep somewhere else for the night!"

And before you could say anything else, he had already turned on his heels and was walking away. You had no idea what this was about and what caused his outburst..

You were so confused about what was going on, but you felt the tears running down your face as you fell on your knees right there at the open front door while the party was still going behind you...

[deny-the-issue]

Love Thy Nature

Summary: Set in the "Baldur's Gate 3" epic tale, you struggle with ongoing body image issues while pining after Halsin, hoping to earn a special place in his heart.

Thank you so much to my lovely beta readers @juniper-sunny and @sirenofzaun <3

AO3 link

link to divider

Thank you everyone for the overwhelming amount of interest in this fic! I hope you all enjoy <3

[MDNI] [Halsin x fat!Reader] [no mention of gender pronouns] [reader has vulva/breasts] [body image issues] [whatever height you are, Halsin is taller] [whatever weight you are, Halsin can lift you] [smut] [fluff] [angst] [happy ending] [oral sex] [vaginal sex] [teasing] [5580 words]

Chaos. Those first few hours were absolute chaos. In Baldur’s Gate shopping for vegetables one moment, infested with a slimy tadpole the next. At least you aren’t alone. 

Even if they intimidate you. 

You all have a common goal, and you wear this safety like a blanket. With companions like these, maybe you’ll have a chance to live. If you don’t get caught in between Shadowheart and Lae’zel, that is. 

Stomach rumbling, feet aching, thighs raw, the nights end with you silently crying yourself to sleep. You are distinctly unsuited for this life. The others say nothing, but you feel like you’re letting them down when you lag behind them during the day’s journey. You simply cannot keep up with Karlach and Lae’zel’s pace, and with the dismal amount of food for dinner, you’re starving. 

You’re not the only hungry one, but you are the only one that eats away from the fire, in solitude. Even in the city you preferred to eat alone. Judging eyes haunt your every bite, but you know the shame comes from within. You know you have no right to complain about being hungry when you have the most weight to lose.  

So you suffer in silence. 

Your armor consists of ill-fitting cloth and leather which you have to repair frequently. The cloth is thin and your thighs can rub it away to nothing within a single, travel-heavy day. The others have found armor that suits them quite well, and you’re happy for them. But you’d be lying if you said you weren’t envious of the ease at which they can find things that fit. 

It’s hard not to dwell on your size. How it would be easier to find armor if you were skinnier. How much easier it would be to keep up. How much more confident you would be. 

You see your travel companions flirt and cast lewd looks at each other. It lightens the heart to see, yet stirs a deep yearning within that has been your constant bane over the years. To love is something you have known many times, but to be loved is another story entirely. Truly loved for everything you are, inside and out. It seems impossible to behold when you cannot fathom loving yourself in that way. 

Maybe one of them would have given you a chance, if only you had the confidence to try. 

As the days go on, you learn more about each other, some willingly and others forced. Just when you think no one else is hiding something, another secret arises. Every single one of them has enough problems without the threat of becoming illithid, and you start to see the people underneath the mask of intimidation you assigned to them. 

Despite your best efforts to keep your distance, they start to grow on you. Their troubles become yours, and a warm feeling of belonging takes root in your chest. 

The grove is a delightful little community. Their harmony with nature is beautiful, your curious eyes take in every part and crevice. 

Maybe too curious, since you had a near scrape with the guards due to the little shit, Mol. She’s too smart for her own good–trouble will surely follow her wherever she goes.

Just as it does you.

Just as it does him, too, apparently. Breaking a bear out of a dungeon is a first for you, but watching that bear transform into the most gorgeous man you’ve ever seen becomes a keystone memory. 

Already you are filled with conflicted feelings, more thankful everyday this horrible thing happened to you because it brought you to them. All of them brilliant, all of them flawed, and all incredibly beautiful. 

You cling to the hope of his companionship as you prepare to protect the grove. Halsin’s knowledge instills fear in your bones, more defined than it was before. Now you have an idea of what you’re up against, and it’s all much bigger than you can fathom. Getting to know him personally casts away the worrisome thoughts; his words a honey-sweet distraction to the storm clouds gathering overhead. 

You leave his company with a smile straining your face, but it doesn’t take long for the bite of loneliness to nip at your heels. Halsin’s answer about lovers echoes through your mind, a deep spiral into well-trodden waters. 

“Right now? I bed down alone, I’m afraid. Perhaps once I talk less of curses and parasites, my fortunes will improve.”

How foolish of you to think he might warm to you. You’re sure his fortunes will improve, only with someone else. Someone more deserving of him. 

These depressing thoughts do not stop you from befriending him. Quite the opposite, in fact. By casting aside your hopes for romantic love, you feel as though you can finally start to be yourself in camp.

And you’re surprised to find they like you. Your spirit and sense of humor return to you in troves–making some poor sod kneel for Lae’zel has everyone laughing at camp that night.

Yet you still make off alone with your bowl of stew when dinner is served, until a large obstacle blocks your path. 

“I do not pretend to know why you dine alone, but you are most welcome to join us.” Halsin smiles kindly.

“I know, it’s ok. Thank you, though,” you try to dismiss him, but he doubles down. 

“Do you not find our company agreeable?”

“No! I mean, yes? You’re lovely–you’re all lovely,”you stammer, heat rising to your face. 

“Good, then you’ll have no problem joining us,” Halsin’s eyes sparkle with amusement, no doubt from watching your mind implode. 

The prospect shouldn’t be as terrifying as it is, yet you cannot help but feel extremely uncomfortable. 

You beat down the slight panic and return Halsin’s smile, unwilling to argue your case further. What would you even say? Laying your insecurities bare to a man you just met is not on your agenda for the night. 

His large hand touches your shoulder as he makes his way to the fire, confident you’ll join him. So warm and rough with callouses–the contact lasted but a moment but you can feel it still, like an invisible badge of affection. 

“Come on, Soldier, grab a stump! I already picked the slugs off for you.” Karlach laughs at your grimace. 

“Thanks,” you walk over to the offered seat. “I’ve had enough slimy things for a lifetime.”

A chorus of agreement and various stages of grief crosses the face of each companion as you join them around the fire, a part of the pack for once. As much as you begrudge Halsin for pulling you out of your comfort zone, you never spend another night eating alone, and your heart is all the fuller for it. 

The battle for the grove was hard won, and the celebration that followed was a well-needed respite for everyone. Surrounded by friends, plenty of food, and drink, you felt more alive than you had since it all began. Whatever shame you were harboring faded away with the alcohol settling into your rosy cheeks, and you sought out the man you’ve been pining for. 

Weeks of hard living have left you as lightweight as Halsin claims to be, but the confidence to mingle in his company is a welcome boon. Oh, to see him tipsy–better still if you are the first person he sees. Is he handsy in his affections, or reserved, you wonder? 

But what does he mean by calling you resourceful? 

You’ll have to ponder its meaning after some sobering sleep. Nothing could sway your mood tonight. He may have turned you down, but he was surely flirting with you. Even with the short time you’ve known him, you know he is not the kind to lead anyone on. 

Enjoyable. A night with you would be enjoyable; the thought has you grinning for the rest of the celebration, and biting your lip later, when you’re alone in your tent with roaming, lusty hands.

You’re able to find suitable food, but with life’s ever-increasing hardships, it continues to take a toll on your body. Hiking is not as hard as it once was, though, and you are thankful for it. With a body such as yours, it would take a considerable amount of time before you’d be deemed ‘thin’, but the loss of weight is undeniable. 

Your clothes are loose, for one, and the little armor you have shifts uncomfortably, always needing adjusting. The others have started noticing as well. 

Karlach gave you a, “Lookin’ good, soldier!” the other night and you never wished to cast an invisibility spell so much as in that moment.

This slightly-slimmer body should make you happy, but the success is tainted in your mind. It’s not as if you chose to lose weight, to starve, to walk endlessly every damned day. What happens when– if-- you can live a normal life after this? The same mistakes will surely be made as before, and you’ll go right back to the size you so hate. No lesson has been learned here, not in regards to food. 

Even if you do somehow lose all this weight, you still will not be pleased with yourself. Stretch marks and loose skin, you could never look the way you want to. 

The frustration grinds your spirit down, but no one notices. Hells, you hardly notice. The Shadowlands dampen the mood of everyone, infecting the camp even without touching it. 

Fighting has never been easy for you, and you’ve managed to hold your ground so far. But every person’s luck runs out sometime, you suppose. One awkward move and you get a knife in your side. The armor should have protected you–would have–if only it fit you better. 

Halsin gathers you in his arms, carrying you despite your weight. A mad rush back to the Last Light inn saves your life. As you’re placed in a healing sleep, you hear echoes of Halsin’s soothing voice. You can never make out the words, but they calm your turbulent mind, keeping the nightmares at bay. 

When you wake, you are mostly healed. The skin is healed, though a scar remains, and the pain is manageable while lying still in bed. Halsin greets you with warmth and a small amount of haste.

It seems, while you slept, Halsin talked to both a tailor and a leather-worker on your behalf. What is more surprising is the light scolding you receive.

“You should have spoken up, we cannot afford such a loss in these dire times.”

“And we can afford this?” You doubt, knowing how much new, custom armor costs. 

One stern look from Halsin, and you concede.

Everyone pooled their gold together to buy you fitted clothing and armor, a gesture that means the world to you. What have you done to deserve such kind friends? Just as you took on their troubles, they’re taking on yours without a second thought. 

There is one part of their gesture that gives you pause. They need your measurements, and you need to stand for it. With abdomen muscles still healing, you require Halsin’s help to get out of bed, leaning heavily against him. 

So close to him, you breathe in his scent, take in his warmth, and relish the contact. It’s almost enough to distract you from the embarrassment of having a stranger shimmy a measuring tape around your body. You hide your discomfort as best you can, but Halsin notices.

He always does. 

He must have read it as pain, because he hastens the person along so you can lay down and rest again. Another unsaid deed that shows his care for you, soothing the stinging humiliation. 

“Let me call the healers over, I am sorry for disturbing your rest.”

You grab his hand, stilling his movements. “Wait, please.”

“What troubles you, friend?”

You shake your head. “Thank you. For carrying me back and for the clothing. Words cannot describe how grateful I am.” 

Halsin takes your hand in his gently, “This fight would not be the same without you by my side.”

You blink away a rogue tear as Halsin brings forth a healer, and drift into a deep, healing sleep with a smile on your face. 

When you wake, you’re fully restored, and your new armor and clothes are atop the bedside table. The sight should fill you with excitement, but all you feel is dread.

What if they don’t fit you? What if they’re too small?

Retreating to a corner with a privacy curtain, you hesitantly try them on, thankful that your party isn’t here. To your surprise and great relief, they all fit–as they say–like a glove. The leather armor comes with a learning curve with all the straps and strings, but after a few mistakes, you figure it out.

It’s genius, really. With overlapping leather and lacing on the side, up the arms, and down your legs, its size is fully adjustable. Up to a point, of course, but extremely useful for the days to come. You’ll probably lose more weight as the journey is far from over, and now you have armor that can account for size changes in either direction!

You choke back tears of happiness, never once having known the feel of well-fitting clothes until now. Everything has been uncomfortable in some way or another, always with minor inconveniences, and never once did they look good. 

In these clothes, it doesn’t matter how you look. You feel good in them, and for once in your life, that is all that matters. A burden has been lifted from your shoulders whose weight you never noticed before now. 

Could you truly be comfortable within this body of yours?

Later, when they all come back to the inn after adventuring, the party makes you spin for them so they can get a good look at your new attire, and although shy, your smile is brighter than it has ever been. 

Saving Thaniel is no easy task, and you probably have a few more gray hairs after that battle. With Halsin’s life at stake if you fail, you fight tooth and nail to protect the portal. 

Even though it is not enough to lift the curse, Halsin’s eyes soften whenever he looks upon you, and that is all the reward you need. 

Your love does not end with Halsin; each party member has wormed their way into your heart. So when Shadowheart embarks on her quest with you at her side, you trust her to make the right choice. 

Dame Aylin is truly something to behold. The daughter of a goddess, and a god in her own right. To be reunited with her love after so many years is a love story of the ages. You’re lucky to bear witness to it, although it tugs at the heartstrings. 

The longing for a love such as theirs does not linger on your mind, not with the battle for Moonrise Towers looming overhead. 

Is this the end? Will you be free to live your life once more? The end does not feel as near as you are led to believe. Not all of the pieces fit together yet, and the unknown scares you. 

As you suspected, Ketheric Thorm was just one head of the hydra. There is much more to be done, and the journey ahead weighs heavily on your shoulders. You try to focus on your triumphs; the Shadowcurse is lifted, the land can begin to heal, and Halsin promises to remain by your side. 

A heart full of joy can only do so much when you’re running on fumes, requiring a warm bed and a few days rest. Your friends help distract you from the wear and tear of the past few weeks, always bickering about this or that. Usually you stay out of it, but Halsin has other plans on the journey to Wyrm’s Crossing, it seems.

Freeing Thaniel, and moreso, the land, has earned you a special place by Halsin’s side. You did not expect that place to come with an honorary nickname. 

Two simple words. It, at first, fills you with a sense of kinship, but soon begins to wear on your mind. As much as you love the affection it implies, one of those words hasn’t pertained to you for a long time. 

You find him that night at camp, voice hesitant. “Halsin, can I ask you something?”

“What is it, little duck?” He greets you with a pleased smile. 

“Well, that’s what I need to talk about. Little duck.”

“Does it not please you?”

“No–it’s not that. It’s just,” you pause, crossing your arms as you take a deep, calming breath. “I’m not little.”

“Are you not?” he inquires with a hint of mirth. 

Confused eyes lift to find his hand hovering above your head, a silent judgment of your height. 

Your stoic facade breaks with a smile, then with laughter, and you nudge him with your shoulder playfully. 

“You got me there,” you surrender, grinning ear to ear. 

Halsin laughs with you, but retains a more serious composure. “As much as that pleases me, should I call you by another name?”

“Please don’t,” you answer swiftly, needing no arduous thought to decide. 

From then on, anytime he says those two words, it fills you with warmth. 

Reuniting with the refugees saved from the Shadowlands brings you joy, but not as much as a real bed and a roof over your head does. 

Freshly washed and bathed, you almost forgot what it’s like to be clean. The quest to save the city is as grave as ever, yet all you needed was some self care to feel ready to take on the Elder Brain. 

The nights in Elfsong Tavern are anything but quiet, and you feel Halsin’s attention grow with each night, like he’s working up to something.

Maybe it’s just hopeful thinking, but you feel the chemistry between the two of you. Laughter and conversation is always easy with him, and he’s been touching you more. 

Nothing serious; grazing your arm, wiping a smudge of dirt off your face, his hand lingering on your shoulder. The contact, although small, brightens your mood, and you begin to yearn for it every time he’s near, even if you still think romance is out of the question. 

It’s almost comedic, how wrong you are. 

Not a week passes before Halsin confesses his feelings for you; how he yearns to feel your skin against his in a romantic night under the stars. You barely hear his next words over your heartbeat pounding in your ears. 

His heart stirs for you, just as yours does for him. He seems so vulnerable, just now. Nervous, just as you would be in his shoes. You feel as though you are seeing a piece of him rarely shown, or perhaps you did not wish to see past the brawn. Your souls are of the same gentle nature, and just a rest away from uniting in bliss.

Fidgeting in your sheets, you try to calm your turbulent mind, but it is hopeless. Each shift calls attention to the throbbing in between your thighs, their thickness both a blessing and a curse. But your mind is still eager to race into dark territory. The night of your dreams is accompanied by your mountain of insecurities. 

You’ve been intimate with others before, but that was of a low time where you hid parts of yourself to please others. 

There will be no more of that. He will know you. All of you. Even if it means he does not want you after. 

With mind set, you find him in the clearing by the lake, his large hand upon the rough bark of a tree in silent communion. When turns to greet you, the relief and excitement in his eyes brightens the world around you both, and instills you with courage. 

All thoughts of revealing your most authentic self blow away with the breeze when Halsin relieves himself of his clothes. Standing proudly naked before you, he sweeps you up in his arms, his kiss as passionate and devouring as he promised, with roaming hands settling on your plump rear.

All of your insecurities come back to nag you all at once, and you break away from the kiss. “Wait, please.”

“What is it, my love?”

Crossing your arms, you begin to pace. The movement helps focus your thoughts, and you take a deep breath before speaking.

“I’m fat,” you begin with the simplest statement of your imagined deficiencies. “For most of my life now I’ve been various sizes of fat, and I’m probably always going to be fat. I don’t want to be. I didn’t choose it. I have stretch marks, flabby arms, back fat.”  

Your voice begins to shake as tears well in your eyes. “Yes, I’ve shrunk a bit these past few weeks, but it’s not enough! Not nearly enough. Because even if I do lose all this weight,” you pause, feeling the pressure build within–a truth so long known but never said aloud, ready to burst out of your chest whether you will it or not.

“I will still hate myself!” The first sob rips from your throat as the emotional dam is broken, shaking your entire being.

Halsin rushes to you, enveloping you in his embrace, cradling your head to his chest. 

“Beauty is not about size, little duck. Variety provides necessary balance in nature, and there is no shame in taking joy from its fruits. Your inner peace is what truly matters.”

Only now it occurs to you that he has also been judged for his size. Maybe not all negative, but that is not to say it did not have an ill-effect on his self-esteem and outward personality. 

After you stop shaking, he coaxes you to meet his gaze. Eyes red and puffy, you do as he wishes, taking in every beautiful detail of his face before settling on his eyes, as serene as the lake before you. 

“I love you as you are, stretch marks and all.” He strokes your face gently and then takes your hands in his. “Let me show you.”

Halsin guides you to the lake’s edge, and positions himself behind you, leaning both your bodies forward. The view is exquisite, but you know it is not what holds his attention. Cautious eyes follow the ripples of the water, slowly casting down until you see your reflection. 

Halsin smiles when you meet his mirrored gaze, wrapping his arms around your waist. The angle is unflattering, to say the least, but you are willing to try this for him. The heat off his bare skin is a comfort, but also a reminder that your clothes are what separates your skin from his. 

“If you are comfortable, I’d like you to undress. To look upon yourself as you do, and be comforted in my desire.”

Comfortable is not something that would describe you in this moment, but you feel ready to reveal yourself to him. Closing your eyes, you still your mind to the symphony of the world around you; crickets singing, a light breeze coming off the lake, and Halsin’s steady breathing as he nuzzles his nose into your hair. Heart fluttering in your chest, you take your shirt off with nervous hands. 

After helping you discard the fabric, he is instantly upon you, trailing kisses down the side of your face until he’s sucking at your neck. You melt into him, tilting your head to reveal more skin for him to worship with his soft lips. 

Rough fingers tickle at your waist with feather-light grazes, you giggle at the feeling and place your hands over his. Lacing your fingers in between his, you move with him as he explores your waist. 

Heat rushes to your core as you feel his cock twitch against your back. You grow impatient, moving his hands to hold your breasts. He moans into your neck, pulling you against him while gently squeezing. 

“More, please. I need to see all of you,” he pleads breathlessly in your ear, thumbs pulling down the hem of your bra. 

You pull away for only a second, the ambient temperature feels so cool compared to your combined heat. Gooseflesh prickles at your arms, and as you discard your bra, you can’t help but admire your form in the water below. Nipples hard from the cold air soon find shelter in Halsin’s large hands, and his heat blankets you in a blissful stupor once again. 

Lust pools in your mind, overpowering any insecurities still swirling within. Only thoughts of him remain, and you need no further instruction to take the next step. Your panties cling to your pants as you pull them down. Halsin provides an arm for you to balance while slipping them off, and you come face to face when you toss the unwanted clothing further onto land. 

You’d pounce on him, but he quickly turns you around to face the lake again with a playful chuckle.

“Almost, my love. Look how extraordinarily beautiful you are, just as nature intended.” 

There you are, indeed. There’s your belly that you’ve loathed, the fat thighs that have been your bane, your double chin that distracts you from your beautiful face. Yet, with him at your back, your perspective begins to change, and you can see this body as yourself instead of some ugly, fat thing.

Halsin trails one hand down your stomach, over your stretch marks, and cups the plush overhang, squishing slightly as he smooths his palm back up your body, feeling the entirety of your curves.

All of your fears dissipate with the irrevocable proof of his attraction digging into your back, and you turn to face him. This time, he allows you, his hands grabbing your ass greedily. You run your hands up his body, relishing the feel of his coarse hair covering his chest and stomach. He moans softly at your touch, but something else starts to happen. 

His eyes begin to glow as he backs away from you in haste. The transformation is something you have seen many times, but never did you see the emotion behind it.

There is nothing as flattering as a partner losing themselves so utterly in a shared moment. Changing back just as fast, he flashes you a sheepish grin. 

Halsin starts to speak, but your patience is at its limit, and you run up to him, pulling him down for a kiss before he can utter a single word. 

Having regained his confidence through your kiss, he leads you back to the tree he was initially at, kneeling at its base. He leads you down to him, laying you down on the softest grass you’ve ever felt. There is a fleeting taste of his passion-full lips as he kisses his way down to your breasts, taking his time to kiss each one before descending further. 

Halsin’s lips against your stomach tickle in a touch-starved way, adding coal to the fire raging inside your core. He slips his arms underneath your knees, bending and spreading your legs. Supporting himself on his elbows, he reaches around, parting your lips by pulling your flesh toward your belly button. 

The first soft kiss upon your exposed clit has you gasping for air, hands grabbing fistfuls of grass at your side. It was only the calm before the storm; a single taste of honey is not nearly enough to satiate the beast between your thighs, and he shows you no mercy. 

Tongue lapping at your cunt from entrance to throbbing bud, Halsin has you squirming under his touch. Just as you think his pleasure is at its peak, he suckles your clit.

Toe curling, back arching, you scream his name as you reach carnal heights you never thought possible.

You whine when he stops, but when you see his swollen cock twitching between his legs, you know exactly what he needs. He lets you push him back onto the grass, helping you straddle him with a steadying hand. Cock nestled perfectly between your folds, you nuzzle his nose with yours before he pulls you into a passionate kiss. The taste of you is intoxicating as you drink in his moans, slide your hips against him, obscenely slick.

Ever hungry for more, you explore his body with your mouth, hips never ceasing their slow but steady rock. Thick, muscled neck, tender for kissing. Pronounced pecks perfect for light, teasing bites. Sensitive nipples ripe for sucking. Veiny arms that your lips could kiss for days. The faded but still visible stretch marks around his shoulders that now hold a special place within your heart, and you kiss each one of them.

You worship him, mind and body just as he does with his burly hands ever present on your lust-driven body. His touch now bruising, he tries to push into you with each thrust, soft moans turning into desperate grunts.

He catches at your entrance, but you tilt your hips so he passes over your clit once again. You shiver at the feeling, and cannot help the laugh that accompanies the bliss.

Teasing Halsin is just so fucking hot.

With an animalistic growl, he rolls you onto your back, having had enough of your shenanigans. Your sounds of glee quickly turn lewd as his cock finally finds purchase, stretching you delightfully with his mighty girth. 

Even with a mind lost to passion, he takes your comfort into account, pushing in slowly to let you adjust. His hungry mouth kisses your face, your lips, your jaw, your neck, until your canting, impatient hips break the last thread of his self control.

Burying his nose in your hair, one hand holding your breast, hips pumping, he makes love to you under the stars. You wrap your arms around him, holding onto his back to keep from being pushed away from the force of his hips. Your voices are a sweet, rhythmic chorus to nature as you feel a fluttering grow in your core. Halsin relinquishes his grip on your breast, hooking his hand underneath one of your knees to spread you further.

He reaches new heights within you, and you feel his cock harden more than you thought possible, readying to fill you with the nature’s bounty you’ve been craving. Your hands slip down to his ass, needing all of him inside you.

Your wants ever his desire, he buries his cock inside you and ruts, massaging the bundle of nerves deep within. Your fingers cling to him, leaving red lines down back unintentionally as the chord within finally snaps. Walls fluttering around him before clenching down, the waves of pleasure overtake you both, and he is a helpless passenger in its wake. He says your name like a prayer as his hips stutter in their rhythm. 

Cradling him close as you feel his cock pulse, you whisper in his ear, “I love you, Halsin.”

That mystical night under the stars with Halsin was legendary. Its memory, as well as the man himself, helps you through the rest of your quest, picking you up when you are down. All you need to do is close your eyes, and you’re right back in that clearing by the lake with him beside you.

You do not know if you would have gotten through it all without him. By the time you defeat the Netherbrain, you are the thinnest you’ve been since childhood, and also the most sickly. Stronger muscles and better food is not enough in the face of true exhaustion, and it shows in your gaunt face. 

The celebration with Halsin that night is sweet and gentle, containing all the relief of a battle hard won. You cannot help the tears that fall from your eyes as you reach your climaxes together.

It all feels like a dream. How could you have made it through all that alive and relatively well? With him at your side? A man as loving as he is large, he still does not impose anything on you. Talking as if there could be a chance you wouldn’t be going with him to resettle Moonrise Towers. 

You depart in the morning with nine wagons full of kids of various ages, all without families or homes, and your bear at your side. 

The savior of Baldur’s Gate is a bit rich for your liking, but it does give you a certain air of respect when you have to give them time-outs.

Halsin calls them all his ducklings, and it is so very fitting with how they follow him around from dawn till dusk. 

When you receive a letter with shaky lettering inviting you to the place where it all began, you’re more than happy to reunite with everyone. The time without doom hanging over your heads has certainly made you both plump and happy. You still struggle with body image issues, but you feel comfortable in your skin more often than not. A battle that is waning in your favor, with once barren fields blooming with slow acceptance.

Your appetite for life has always been large. Giant partner, a heap of kids to call your own, and enough tall tales to last them well into adulthood; you want for nothing in the years to come. 

With Halsin you build a loving home–an ending you never thought you deserved. 

And you wouldn’t have it any other way.

Tag list: @incognitoowl @slowlydecayinginside-blog @freddiemonstar @strawberry-siberian @zorazeppeli

@callgirl-of-cthulhu @leftoverice @mickster-trickster @theidesofpisces @athenakeene

@camelliaandjasmine @otherredsareoutthere @bewitchedbg3 @kelseyxyeslek-blog @angelicsignature

@gloomweed @tolkien-fantasy @whitetxilwxlf @towriteloveontheirarms @uhhh-idk-dude

@ladyjeweler @rintheavatar @loverbug1123 @unreadpoppy @mossthedevouring

@railmeloki @wendy940010 @anexhaustedanomaly @the-bear-and-his-sunbird @tyrannydarling

@creatednoodle @mossy-moggins @whiskeyskin @ouranyaoi @appalachiancowboy99

@juniper-sunny @myheart-mydarling @mollymauksboi @pwney @sensitivesoil1008

@gremlin-dave @cosmicaeons21 @its-jaytothemee @reignydeys @im-eating-rn

@rosekicks @nefolstardust @blueraspberrycola @cpiev @lifechasingdreaming

@the-ashtronaut @gildedlilyvibes @emmybee11 @gh0ulbunny @shyomission

@fandom-star @garbdump @caitlam @wicked-game-black-butler @i-like-duckies

@hollywritin @reduxskullduggerry @thoughts-of-bear @opossumbloom @vixnovacoda

@amorgansgal @avabjorna36 @rodeocl0wn @emoguardian @minimisthios

@thegirlsmorgue @confused--polarity @waterm3i0n @violet-starlings-blog @thunderdownunder

@ashrio20

[flagellant]

my latest tabletop characters in chronological order:

-17 year old orphaned anarchist guild leader who ends up apotheosing as the god of their homeland and ends up taking the throne to rebuild it after an apocalyptic disaster

-farmboy becomes a soldier in a war against a double-apocalypse, fucks up some invading fairies hard and gets captured as a war trophy, spends the next 400 years in fairyland before the moon says she likes his vibe and breaks him out by turning him into a furry and giving him ultimate cosmic power, which he mostly uses to act as the ethics babysitter for a godlich whose special interest is civil engineering.

-fairy princess eldritch wildlife biologist whose mom is basically titania. it was a very complicated relationship for like 14 levels and it took literal reality-altering magic rituals to start fixing their relationship. she hates the anarchist aforementioned bc hes 17.

-perfect prettygirl daughter of social climbing mother is predestined to inherit the ultimate cosmic powers of becoming part of heaven's secret police. theres two factions of the secret police and she hates both of them.

-rich frat jock gains insight into the hidden occult world and immediately uses it to start a homoerotic frat/dinner club dedicated to shapeshifting and blood sacrifice. snip snip snip

-prometheus got turned into a fairy. a girl who makes things explode with her mind and her friends turned him into a different kind of fairy. then he became her dad. he also accidentally used his fairy mind control powers to cause a global anarcho-communist insurrection due to going viral on international news. 1 billion people were actively mind controlled by it. he was not allowed on tv again but he did get a twitter

-genetically engineered soldier wolfboy has his furry polycule fireclade KIA by a gay sexy pirate and then gets saved by a ghost space whale. he then does war crimes and everyone is soooo mean to him but hes soooo sad about it. and then he performs lobotomy on himself and implants his negative emotions into a shackled AI god which loves him and hunted down his best friend and soul mate to be her service animal.

-a wizard in a mech keeps trying to infiltrate the gay space gnostics and they keep telling him no. then he gets corrupted by the logic plague because he saw the name of god and has ultrasurgery performed on him with the help of a team of hyperqualified shackled AI gods and a mad doctor who has been trying to create anti-god supersoldiers and he was the first success. and the gnostics immediately wanted his cock onboard their snake ship. he never experienced consequences for any of his actions:)

-girl from a noble family of divine heroes is very very late to inheriting divine herodom and has soooo many opinions about this. she spent the last 6 months hunting down a weird fairy with some new friends and spent the first 5 of them pretending to be stupid jock so they wouldnt bother her. she has been trying to eat the fairy this entire time but it hasnt been working yet.

-a werewolf who is big and brown and hypermasculine gets turned into a werewolf and freaks out bc apparently everything supernatural is real and he was weird for not believing in any of it. he totally doesn't have any body image issues due to being a big hypermasculine brown man with anger/resentment issues and he is totally fine with how everyone assumes he's just a stupid violent meathead despite being a trained EMT actively going back to med school for his doctorate. he literally went to a supernatural therapist to vent about lycanthropy and got scared when she did actual therapy on him. he's so in his head about how everyone interprets him as Big Scary Brown Man that he doesnt realize he's drowning in transgender dogs who are actively barking for his attention. he would put on a collar and not realize its a sex thing. a spooky nightingale told him it saw him from across the ghost forest and liked his vibes because he was a murderer

[softpascalito]

We got your back - Chapter 4

Summary: You work as a new DEA agent alongside Peña and Murphy. A not-so-kind colleague reveals more about you than you would like. You also realize you can sleep better if you're not by yourself. You're not the only one with that realization.

Relationships: Javier Peña x F!Reader

WC: 10k+

Tags/Warnings: Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Slow Burn, mention of canon-typical violence, family issues, they arent specified but reader is implied to be from a dysfunctional family, literal sleeping together, one bed trope if you squint, tac vest javi, nightmares, cuddling, protective javier peña, mention of drugs

AO3 LINK // Series Masterlist

notes: we are back! sorry this took me so long, i started into the year super positive and motivated but then my best friend decided to fucking die so life hasn't been very slay. i hope you babes are doing better and enjoy the chapter <3

(i cope with humor, can you tell?)

Chapter 4

“She could no longer think, nor were there any more images in her head. She was aware only of the softness of the woollen bathrobe next to her skin, and then of the nearness and warmth of a being that did not frighten her.”

- Paul Bowles, The Sheltering Sky

You have the first good day in weeks. Apart from the nagging feeling that you now have something else to hide - at least from Steve and the rest of your colleagues - you do feel well rested, getting through the assigned files and some more intel with record speed.

One of the higher-ups is celebrating a milestone birthday and orders dinner, causing more people than usual to stay late. Javi finds you in the crammed room where the plates of food have been set up and squeezes in next to you, flashing his signature charming smile, “May I?”

“Yeah, sure,” you mumble back, shifting slightly to give him more space. But with how full all the tables are, the people are a good excuse to let yourself get a little closer than you normally would. Somehow, it doesn’t feel weird, the way it likely would’ve before last night. It just feels safe.

You eat your dinner without speaking much, Javi practically wolfing his down. A frown spreads over your face at that, “You got plans after this?”

“Are you asking me out, querida?” Javi responds in between two bites, flirting so casually that it almost seems like second nature to him. Which according to the testimony of at least three women you know in the embassy, is exactly that. 

He cocks his brow as he turns towards you and for a split second, he looks serious, like he means it. The thought has you blushing furiously and you think you just may choke on a piece of your pasta when the familiar grin spreads over his face and with it, a similarly familiar warmth settles in your stomach. “I was just joking,” he reassures you again at seeing your cheeks change color and clears his throat before getting a little more serious.

“Wanted to go through some more files, not like this lot will get anything done tonight.” He nods towards the group of people gathered around the man who is apparently celebrating. They’ve finally opened up the first bottle of Aguardiente.

Of course, Javi knows that with the steadily rising alcohol level, he may just be able to persuade someone into giving him access to precisely the file he wants. Or at least provide enough distraction for him to sneak off and find it himself.

He can still hear Steve in the back of his mind, reasoning with him.

“Have you ever considered that the files are sealed because she wants them to be?”

He has, now. But he finds that he doesn’t really care. There is something there, something that might explain you to him a little more. A tiny voice in his head offers up the idea of just asking you, getting to know you like everyone else does.

But he quickly shakes that thought off. It’s nothing to him, personally at least. His interest is strictly professional of course. Nothing else.

Just as the first people start clearing out, Javi slips away too. You strain your neck, glancing around the room and towards the buffet but he’s nowhere to be found.

“Great,” you mumble to yourself as you follow suit and leave the table, heading out of the large oak doors of the conference room. A pit has formed in your stomach and it only deepens when you catch a glimpse of the time. It’s past nine already so chances are Javier really has headed off to meet some informant. You try not to consider who else he could be meeting and who else may wake up next to him in the morning.

Passing through the dimly lit corridors that lead to the DEA offices, you let out a small noise of annoyance with yourself.

It’s not like it’s any of your business what Javi does after closing time or who he meets. And it’s not really like you to judge him for it.

But today, you realize quietly, your disappointment stems from the pit in your stomach at the thought of having to go home to the apartment you’d rather forget and to spend a few hours tossing and turning on a mattress until it’s time to come back.

You haven’t met a single person on your way back to your office and you consider curling up next to your desk again. A glance around the office tells you that you’re not in luck, though. A few other co-workers still have their bags and jackets draped over chairs and desks and some will no doubt return to get them once they’re done eating. Javi finding you was one thing but they would be something else.

It takes a few seconds until the solution hits you and you take off past the open plan office and towards the smaller adjacent rooms in the back. The crammed file room that you’ve spent the last night in is sitting in darkness, the blinds almost completely closed. You decide against turning on the big light and simply make your way through the room- which is barely a few steps.

The orange glow of the streetlights filtering through the blinds is enough to let your hands find the couch in the corner and you settle onto it with a small sigh, content to just be still for a moment. It’s a little eerie, especially since you’re not sure if anyone other than Peña and Murphy frequents the space. But the sounds that do drift to you are low and distant, nothing more than a couple of cars honking a few blocks away and a dog barking somewhere in the distance.

You draw your legs up onto the couch, wrapping your arms around them for the lack of actual bedding and lean back, closing your eyes.

It doesn’t become apparent to you that you’ve passed out until you wake with a start. You’re semi-aware of something above you and you squint into the darkness of the room. You can’t see his face but there is the voice you know all too well.

“That you, cariño?” Javi mutters, already a blanket in hand that he nudges against you. It takes you a few more seconds to find your voice, bringing a hand up to rub your eyes, “Thought you left.”

“I came back. Here, go back to sleep. I’ll stay.”

You’re too tired to fight him, to put up any kind of resistance against making this a habit, to bring up that this is a bad idea, for the sake of both of you. The blanket warms you up so quickly, even more so with the way Javier’s body slowly comes to rest beside you. You think you answer something before you pass out again. You can’t remember what you say.

It’s not until the next morning, when you yawn as you head into the office kitchen, that you find out precisely why Javier snuck off last night.

There is cereal. And not the shitty kind- actual Cap’n Crunch, your favorite. The man beside you, who has a reputation for being a playboy and for never staying for breakfast, remembered the way you preferred your breakfast. It’s hard not to let it get to your head.

It does become routine after that. Javi lingers around the office until he can tell if you’ll leave or stay. Most nights you stay. Most turn into all. On the second night in a row, he lights himself a cigarette as he flips through a few more files before going to sleep. On the third, it goes from a bad to a really bad night when the nightmares you never seem to be able to get rid of come for you. For a second, you think this will be one step too far for him. But he barely seems to mind the way you cuddle a bit closer to him and he mumbles soft words until you go back to sleep.

He never mentions it during the day and neither do you. It’s almost like your sleeping arrangements are part of a different world, not the one that spins around your work, that’s full of drugs and death and everything else that makes sleep difficult. But Javi just feels- safe. He never asks too many questions. He just gets the blanket, sets his alarm, makes sure there is cereal in the morning. He feels like a godsent.

Of course, it’s only a question of time until someone notices something. You’re always careful to not head into your little room until everyone else is gone but occasionally, someone will show up too early or during the night- a spontaneous raid, a tip that needs instant investigating. Javi keeps the phone by his side constantly and it takes over a week for you to realize it may not just be to get alerts on developing situations but also to be alerted to someone coming into the office during unusual hours.

So when two weeks have passed and someone does catch you, Javi is glad it's Steve who is clearly just grabbing some files early in the morning and freezes in the doorway. He stares Javi down, who in return gently puts a finger onto his lips and motions for them to head to the hallway, gently closing the door behind himself as he steps out of the office.

“I have no way to be certain about Messina’s stance on this, but something tells me she wouldn't appreciate you bringing your hookers into the embassy,” Steve hums, unable to keep a small smirk off his face. Javi rolls his eyes in return, “I'm not an idiot, do you know that?”

He pauses for a moment and raises his hand just as Steve opens his mouth, “Don't answer that.” His mind is racing with too many thoughts at once. He’s not sure why, of all the things he could choose to tell Steve, he picks the truth when the lies would be so much easier.

“She was assigned a shitty apartment, hasn't been sleeping well. I remember you and Connie having similar issues after you arrived down here. With her, I figured we didn't use the room anyway and she-” he trails off. Steve brows have knitted together as the pieces slowly fall into place, “Somehow, a hooker would have been less complicated than a colleague.” There's another roll of eyes from Javi, the air a little thick with tension.

“I'm trying to help her. That's all.”

“You are trying to help her? Do you really expect me to believe that?” Steve shoots back, raising his voice until Javi motions for him to quiet down, nodding towards the door. The blonde man makes a face, but he does lower his voice as he repeats himself, “You expect me to believe that? You’re just helping her, no motive? It has nothing to do with you feeling the need to fuck your way through half the office by the time we finish the case?”

Javier actually groans at that, pinching the bridge of his nose for a moment. He moves his fingers to the side, using them to gently rub his tired eyes. His free arm is resting against his belt, the fingers twitching ever so slightly.

“Fuck you, Murphy. Just leave us alone and get your files in the morning.”

Steve looks like he wants to say something else, but then he thinks better of it. A small glare is sent towards his partner regardless.

“If you fuck this up somehow, Javi, I swear, I will make sure you get in real trouble. She’s too sweet for whatever you are trying to do here.”

It's two nights after the encounter with Steve- who has much to Javier's relief actually left them alone- when it happens again. It's been a particularly exhausting day for both of you, which actually made Javi hopeful that you'd both fall into a deep sleep as soon as you hit the couch. But it's been as mentally draining as it's been physically. And your mind clearly just won’t shut off.

It wakes him. The small stirring, the movement of your body beside his. He’s never been a particularly deep sleeper and Colombia has only made it worse, his brain seemingly always on alert to danger. So when he does wake, it takes Javi a few seconds to realize that the danger his brain is alerting him to is not a sicario sneaking into your room, it’s not a gun held to his head. It’s an entirely different kind of danger, one much less life-threatening but so much more complicated to fix.

A small groan escapes him as he reaches for the small light perched on the file cabinets, pulling the string attached to it. He blinks groggily as it flickers to life, bathing the room into a dim, dusty light. A few moments pass before he hears another whimper behind him and turns towards you, eyes already laced with concern.

Your features are scrunched up, lips slightly apart as the noises find their way out of your dream and into reality. Occasionally, a muscle twitches in your hands or your leg, making the whole scene even more eerie. But what gets Javier the most, what makes the pit in his stomach feel like one that could reach the ground floor, is the wetness on your face. Tears, undoubtedly slipping from your closed eyes and finding their way down the side of your face. It looks absolutely heartbreaking.

“Cariño,” he mutters under his breath, bringing his hand towards your arm and beginning to rub it in a gentle, circular motion.

“Wake up, it’s just a dream. You’re-” For a split second, he wants to say home. But he knows it's so far from the truth. He's not sure you consider any place in this country a home. Actually, he's not sure which place you do consider one.

“You’re alright,” he mumbles instead, adding a little more force to his touch and voice alike. His gaze never leaves your face as your eyes finally fly open, practically choking on the whimper that had just been leaving your throat. The panic is evident in your eyes, in the way they fly around, searching for something, anything to reassure you, to replace the pictures still floating in your mind. They find soft, brown eyes. It’s something to hold onto.

“There you are,” Javi hums, bringing his free hand to your face, his thumb catching the next tear that rolls out of the corner of your eye. “It's okay, you're safe. Just a bad dream.”

You blame it on the panic still sitting in your throat or the way you've just woken up, the way you don't even think about your movements as you move yourself into Javis arms, sneaking your arms around his waist and you think you feel him hesitate for just a moment before he wraps his arms around you in return, whispering reassurances into the dimly lit room and stroking your back.

You cry a little more, when the memories of the dream feel too overwhelming and he holds you through all of it, not once complaining about how long you’re taking to shake the thoughts off.

It’s a good half hour before you’re both lying down again, his back resting against the edge of the sofa, right arm wrapped lazily around you, “You want me to keep the light on for now?”

The idea seems a little silly to you but it takes you right back to evenings in your childhood bedroom, to what felt like endless nights of asking your father to plug in the small night light you'd gotten for christmas. It looked like a sheep, carrying a smile and enough light for you to be able to tell that there were no monsters hiding in the dark corners of your room.

“Querida?” You nod your head quickly, resting it back on his chest, “Yeah, I- let’s keep it on. If that’s okay.”

“Por supuesto que está bien,” (Of course that is okay,) Javier mumbles softly, his left hand reaching below your makeshift bed and producing a pack of Marlboros. You watch the movements of his hands, the ones you see him do at least ten times a day, his fingers reaching for a cigarette, placing it between his slightly parted lips. Pausing to search two pockets for his lighter before finding it.

At a small nudge from you, he pauses, raising a brow, “¿Sí?” You nod towards the pack that’s still resting next to him, “It’s really rude not to offer me one.”

“I thought you didn’t smoke,” he says, seeming genuinely confused for a moment and you almost take pity. You sneak your hand over his torso, drawing a cigarette from the half-empty pack, “I do now.”

To his defense, he does try and look stern for a moment. But he knows it'd be hypocritical at best if he of all people tried to stop you.

“It's a bad habit.”

“Well, then it's our bad habit.”

Javi thinks, for a split moment, that something entirely else is his bad habit. The way he looks at you when you fall asleep before him or the touches that seem to become more and more frequent the longer your sleeping arrangement continues. The way he jerks off in his shower at home, picturing your face, your body draped in his shirt a few nights ago when your blouse was simply too uncomfortable to sleep in. Spilling into his own hand with a groan at those thoughts. Yeah, that's definitely his bad habit.

“Are you going to light it for me or are you hoping it’ll disintegrate if you think hard enough?” You joke gently, snapping him out of his thoughts.

“Teasing again already, are we?” Javi hums but he does reach for his lighter and brings it to your face, careful not to get too close.

He waits until you’ve both taken a few drags to ask his question.

“So what was it about?”

You swallow a bit at that, taking another long drag before you shake your head, “Nothing special. It’s already disappearing.” After another moment of thinking, you add, truthfully, “There was something with drugs in it.”

“Not very creative, I’d say. Five out of ten.”

You stare at him in disbelief, “Are you rating my nightmares, Peña?”

“I like to keep track,” he responds, giving you a small wink that you almost miss. You watch the smoke rising from the cigarette between his lips, sighing softly. You don’t like lying to him. Then again, it really was about drugs. Just not in the way he may think. It’s not your fault he’s stupid, sometimes.

“You’re silly. Go to sleep.”

“Go to sleep yourself.”

You do end up falling back asleep first, head still resting on his chest. Javi stays awake a little while longer, just in case the nightmares come back. At least that’s what he tells himself. And if he happens to use that opportunity to study your face a bit more? Well, it’s noones business.

end notes: if you enjoyed this, please reblog and/or leave a comment <3 also subscribe on ao3 or follow me here to catch the next update!

[quitealotofsodapop]

After that whole mess, they, of course, go back to FFM. Both because the cubs had a long day and needed a nap and also because neither Wukong nor MK had the energy to reset their glamours, and the last thing any of them wanted was to be swarmed. Wukong had to be stopped form going into a cleaning spree as soon as he realized he was having guests over for the first time in years and had to be told to sit down since, out of everyone there, be had been the one in the worst condition when all was said and done. They still enjoyed their smaller, more private New Years celebration and getting to run around in MK's childhood home

referencing.

Absolutely. Wukong is taking all the cubs home for a well-deserved rest (the eclipse twins argue that they aren't tired [lie]), and to properly introduce himself to the Noodle shop gang/aka his reincarnated Pilgrim brothers.

Wukong is a dedciated King to his people, but hasn't really let people "get close" since the Samadhi Fire incident/DBK's imprisonment. So he's a little rusty on how to play host in his own palace. The Stalwarts and the island's subjects are worried since they noticed some sort of havoc going on in the mainland while their King was gone, but Wukong brushes them off.

When Wukong attempts to clean up and play host, Pigsy quickly makes him sit down since; "You're pregnant and nearly got all your magic drained out of you. I'll make dinner." Which immediately puts the pig in the monkeys' good graces. Wukong does have to admit, piglet's grandson makes amazing noodle soup.

Mei (+MK) helps Pigsy out in the kitchen, and Wukong has a pang of nostalgia and grief at how similar the little dragon looks to Ao Lie. Her fun-loving attitude quickly gains her fans amongst the cubs, even if they try to eat her phone once or twice.

Lots of talking happens - especially on the subject of MK being Wukong's eldest cub + who exactly "dad" is. Wukong is still a little too upset at Macaque to give more than a curt explaination that he left on "a vacation" and has been missing since then.

Pigsy blurts out that he'll; "Sock the punk in the nose the second he sees 'em for leaving his family like that". It gets a laugh out of the king at least. Gao Cuilan did the same to Bajie when he finally returned after the journey.

Tang is ofc in Jttw-nerd heaven. Asking so many questions that MK has to interupt him to give his mom some space. The Stalwarts happily fill in the more embarassing/sappy details of their King and Warrior's romance, which delights the scholar (and mortifies SWK and MK) to no end.

Sandy is quickly the cubs favorite new uncle - though that could be because he smells like old uncle Sha Wujing. The Eclipse Twins are sus though. He makes himself busy serving up tea and addressing any emotional issues Wukong could be going through rn, especially with another little monkey on the way. Wukong is touched.

The Demon Bull Family makes an appearance - mainly to offer their apologies and for DBK to start making amends with his little bro. DBK quickly gets swarmed by the cubs he missed out on meeting, bellowing with laughter as they climb all over his horns. PIF is very aloof as per usual, but expresses her condolences for Macaque's disappearance. Wukong can tell that the former celestial princess is worried about her old friend, even if she doesn't care to show it.

Red Son is super confused, holding a casserole dish of non-spicy barbeque (DBK uncharacterically insisted, apparently the Monkey King hated spicy food), and just blinking at the fact that the "Noodle Boy" and "Pony Girl" he'd been fighting with were actually his calf-hood chums! Yuebei tries to eat his hair the moment he's offered to hold one of the Nodelets for the first time.

Overall the New Years "afterparty" (as Mei dubbed it) goes far better than the original celebration. Even if MK is super-grounded for not telling Wukong he became a superhero + lying who he actually was to the gang.

+Bonus: I love the idea of the cubs being super cranky during the events in the Celestial Realm. And when the spider gang attempt to stop the gang on the airship; little Yuebei starts shrieking with anger over her lack of sleep + missing both parents, and blasts them away with her non-fatal lazer eyes. It's one of many signs that MK's family aren't normal demons. Hunstman is a little embarassed that he was technically defeated by a baby.

[i-smoke-chapstick]

'DON'T BLAME ME, [PART TWELVE]

-GOTHAM!JERVIS TETCH X READER-

⋆ 𝐒𝐘𝐍𝐎𝐏𝐒𝐈𝐒 ; A night by the fire brings out desires.

⋆ tags/warnings. GOTHAM!jervis x female reader. SLOW BURN!!! Not sure how many chapters this will be yet! LOTS OF PLOT SET-UP!! AGE GAP ROMANCE! (reader is Jim and Barbara's daughter) Ah, the burn is quenched. She fell first, he fell harder. Oh boy, he fell harder. Soft Jervis. This is still just the begginning. Writing this kind of artistically and as character studies for everyone. Reader is still struggling with revenge and feelings. Reader doesn't give a fuck anymore. Reader and Jervis are still in their friends to lovers era. I'm taking canon out back and beating it with a stick until it stops twitching.

⋆ tag list (tell me if you want to be removed!) @adalwolfgang @jervis-tetch-my-beloved @honestmrdual @moonlightnyx @all-things-fandomstuck @killingboredom @sweetlimeharvest @frenchfryqueen69

⋆ 'PART ONE, - 'PART TWO, - 'PART THREE, - 'PART FOUR, - 'PART FIVE, - 'PART SIX, - 'PART SEVEN' - 'PART EIGHT, - 'PART NINE, - 'PART TEN, - 'PART ELEVEN, - 'PART TWELVE, - 'PART THIRTEEN, - 'PART FOURTEEN,

♫ “baby, I'm star-struck by you / didn't know we'd get so far, and it's only the start.” Scary Love by The Neighbourhood

You're still reeling from the minor success with Selina. You can't stop thinking about the way she zoned out- just from your words. It looked as though her consciousness melted before your eyes, if only for a moment. Mr. Tetch, Jervis, was right. There is something intimate about hypnotism. It's like they become an extension of you and your own desires. Whoever they are, they become your puppet. It's exhilarating.

You similarly can't stop thinking about the feeling of Jervis's hands on your waist. The way he whispered those damn words of affirmation, like you were his number one priority. You still have no clue if you can trust him. But that doesn't seem to bother you anymore. He was the stranger in your dreams, the man haunting your psyche. You felt more connected to him then anyone you had been connected to in years. It sends a shiver down your spine.

You'd been staying with him for a little over two weeks now. Time goes by fast, apparently. Every mornings the same, it's become routine. He cooks breakfast, lets you sleep in. You get dressed. Eat together. You two talk about anything and everything over tea and biscuits, mostly about books and chess and crosswords and revenge. He simply makes you smile. You watch him struggle to use a smartphone and he watches you struggle to hypnotize passersby's.

You've begun to notice the pull to him has been growing stronger and stronger. The nature of your relationship with the man is questionable, at best. You don't know exactly what you two are. But you do know you are his only friend. You don't mind that.

You've also started to notice, Jervis has his own way of displaying...affection. You're not quite sure if that's the right word, but it works. He offers his numerous praises very vocally, or in small pats to your head. When he's having too much fun with you, he refuses to cook, or do anything to separate himself from you for even a minute. He hypnotizes the neighboring mansions household to go out for groceries, dinner, or even small trinkets that remind him of you.

You're unsure if it makes you uncomfortable or extremely flattered. After all, he could kill you at anytime if he truly wished. But you decide on flattered, after he buys you numerous dresses and flowers and your favorite issue of the Gotham Gazette. You don't mind whatever it is the two of you have. Forced proximity seems to change people.

He's your teacher in all aspects. Hypnotism, dancing, cooking, cleaning. Sometimes he'll come up behind you, and you can feel his heat behind you. It makes your breath catch in your throat. He'll position you, arms on your side, clicking his tongue at your posture or your form. What an interesting man.

It's turned oddly domestic. And you can tell...he enjoys it. It's like a dream for him. There's something about the way that his smile reaches his eyes, it makes it hard to resist him. He admires you.

On a different note, you keep seeing Selina each night. You give her the minor scoop on what's happening. She thinks you're trying to learn hypnotism to hypnotize Mr. Tetch. She doesn't need to know exactly what's going on. You're a good liar. You got that from your mothers side. She also doesn't know you try to hypnotize her every night she comes over. She tells you everyone thinks you're either dead or as good as.

Oh well, you think. It's happening. You're getting close. You can almost taste revenge on your tongue. You can't stop the play-by-play of imagining your fathers face for the first time after this. You wonder if it would be hatred, or disappointment. Good. He chose Lee Thompkins over you. He knew. His own daughter. His blood.

You stare into a fireplace. You watch the flames lick up the side of the walls, dancing to a peaceful rhythm. It reminds you of your heartbeat, the steady crackling inviting your eyes to look. It's beautiful. It's calm. It's a welcomed warmth.

You hear footsteps behind you, and don't turn to see who it is. The sound of two china teacups clanking together on their plates, Jervis comes to rest beside you on the couch, offering you a cup. You take it gently. He sits cross legged beside you, unwinding from the day.

You remember what he said on the balcony all those days ago. Nights in Gotham are mesmerizing. The man next to you, he's turned your life upside down. And now...you two are...what? Partners? Associates? Friends?

You feel his gaze burn into you, one of admiration, as if he were staring at a painting. He leans his head down.

"You look pensive, dear. Are you anxious?" He stirs the cup of tea lazily, eyes boring into yours. "We have the world for you and I to call our own. We have money, we have an estate. We have a wonderful plan. Why worry?"

The world for us to call our own. There he goes again- saying things like that. You feel your blood run hot.

"Remember when you shot me?" You can't stop the words coming out of your mouth. He seems to falter slightly, and his body tenses. His voice is barley above a whisper.

"...Yes?" He looks at you with an edge.

You nod, recounting the memory. You're not sure what you expected him to say.

"Did you like me back then?" You whisper. You see his grip on his teacup turn his knuckles white. Your words are forward. You always need answers. You curse yourself.

"I did...I do." He breathes. He speaks as though it's his last night alive, faced with a great opportunity to finally speak his mind. "...But I always knew what you were really destined for. We were always fated to be together. Even from that first night."

It's all out in the open. Fated to be together. You digest his words. How strange- to be enthralled, captured by someone. His trickery, his identity. His hypnotism. It dawns on you, he hasn't once moved to compel your affections. At least not that you remember.

The whole situation suddenly makes you laugh.

He's stunned. He's silent long enough that he realizes he's staring, and makes an effort to keep his expression neutral. But his eyes don't lie, completely enamored with you.

"You're laughing."

"I am," You huff through quiet giggles. "This whole city- this whole situation, it's all so fucked."

His smile slowly widens once more. He doesn't know what to make of your reaction. He was certain you'd be cold, fearful. But you're not. You're...laughing.

"...You have quite the mouth on you." He's amused, despite himself. He sips on some more of his tea and puts down the cup. He speaks again with quiet humor. "You laugh when you're nervous, don't you?"

You shrug. Your voice takes on something playful. "And what do you do when you're nervous? Go bat-shit crazy?"

"Ah, among other things." He hums, sitting back. That grin of his kills you. "It was only one time." It was not, of course. He studies you.

You smile at this. At the way he talks. The way he dresses. Everything about him is so perplexing. "You're entertaining, you know."

He crosses his arms and shifts in his seat. His gaze is one of amusement. He's just as interested in this exchange as you are.

"Am I?"

"Yeah. You just have this edge to you. I can't quite place it."

"I'm nothing if not enigmatic, I assure you." He can't help but feel strangely proud of this. "I am many things; charming, polite, beguiling-"

"Cocky." You add to his list, interrupting him with a shit-eating grin on your face.

"Perhaps." He snickers. "I prefer confident, dear."

"I'm sure you do, showman."

You two enjoy the banter. Neither of you have been very much of a flirt with each other. Perhaps it's the fire, the smiles on your faces, the rush of revenge and hunger coursing through the two of you.

"And you are...what? Curious? Persistent? A tease?" He asks, delighted.

"A tease?" You snicker at his words, and offer a fake gasp. You roll your eyes. "If anyone is persistent, it's you."

He snorts at that. Yes, he's definitely enjoying this.

"Oh, really? Am I just going to have to accept the role of a relentless pursuer? An incessant suitor? An unceasing hound?" The words flow smoothly from his lips. You wonder if he's talking about his experience with Alice...or with you.

"You're doomed by the narrative." You settle on, beside yourself. His eyebrow twitches at this.

"You're terrible." He says with a mock groan. His eyes light up, the smallest twitch of his lips reveals his expression is one of childlike joy. You shrug and smirk.

"I'm honest. It's what you and your silly little delusions need." You bite your lip, and gently poke his hat to emphasize. You watch his smile falter as you poke it. Not many people would touch the hat. How...intimate, he thinks.

"...Yes, I suppose I do fall into delusions often...are you going to set me free from my fantasies, then?"

Time seems to stop at his sentence. He is talking about you. Whatever the two of you are.

You set down your tea, and make up your mind. You take both his hands into your own, and watch his dazed expression. You two look at each other, and a mutual feeling blooms inside you two. Warmth, comfort.

"What do you fantasize about, Jervis?" You ask softly, just below a whisper. The firelight bounces off his dark eyes, glinting.

He holds his breath before he speaks, smile disappearing. He seems completely serious, completely devoted, completely obsessed with you. You consume him.

"I fantasize about you. What else is there? The thought of just..."

His faze drifts to their intertwined hands. There's an intensity as he speaks. It must be the warmth of the flames, or the comfort of the surroundings, but the words that tumble from his lips are different than usual. There is a vulnerability to them.

"The thought of you and I being one...forever," He continues, "Is it wrong to want another's whole heart? Their affection, their adoration? To want to claim them as yours?"

"Is that what you want?" Nothing exists right now, except him. "For me to be yours?"

"It's what I crave....I want you all to me. You and your attention. I want that and I would go to any lengths to get it. I would move hell and high earth for you, Y/N."

Fuck it, you think. He's the closest thing you've ever gotten to home.

"You really are crazy, you know that?"

Before he has a chance to speak, you cut him off with a kiss.

His eyes widen in delight. He's stunned, almost unable to believe what's happening. He wraps his hands around your waist, pulling you into his lap and returning the gesture twicefold, with passion. His hands move through your hair, cradling your head.

You sigh into his lips, pulling away ever so slightly. You feel him squeeze tighter. He's needy, desperate, still kissing along your lips and jaw and neck to consume every part of you.

The fire is all but forgotten, the sound of the city around them is muted. All you two can hear is the sound of your breath, your heartbeats, your touches.

He pulls you closer, his hands resting on your hips. His grip is tight, unrelenting.

You finally pull away, finding each other equally stunned at what just transpired. Heavy breathing and panting sounds out.

The silence for a moment is almost deafening. You can read it on his face. He can't believe someone would willingly kiss him back without needing to use his gift. He looks upon you with a mixture of surprise, disbelief, and pleasure.

"Don't shoot me again, yeah?" You say against his lips, retracing your steps. The sudden urge to run away melts within you as you imagine what your dad might say, what Tabitha might say, what Selina might say. You swallow.

He speaks gently, watching you get up, as if he can't quite believe this is real. He can't help the giddy smile that stretches across his face. He doesn't want you to leave. He wants you with him. Forever.

"I make no promises."

[theladyofdeath]

Lady Death's Lover {VII}

Lady Death's Lover Masterlist & Summary

19th Century Period AU Nesta x Cassian Secret Affair / Enemies to Lovers / Forbidden Romance Fanfiction / Characters from Sarah J Maas / ACOTAR B ased on a prompt sent in by anonymous

A/N: I meant to post this, like, a week ago...but I have to admit that I've been pretty down lately. It's not been a good mental health week. I apologize for the delay! Now that the school year is in full swing, I may only be posting one chapter a week instead of two. Thank you all so much for reading and I hope you continue to enjoy! x

TW: marital abuse, sexual content, language, depression, alcohol abuse

This story is for readers 18+. Mature readers only. Content should not be read by anyone under 18.

Dear Gwyn,

Emerie and I missed you this last tea. She told me all about her recent travels and now we must wait to hear all about yours once you return. Selfishly, I am glad you will not be gone for long. I swear, I am living vicariously through you and Emerie. I absolutely adore hearing about all the two of you see and do beyond the borders of Velaris. I will not spoil all that Emerie told me for I am certain you wish for her to tell you herself.

I will, however, briefly mention something that I shared. In all honesty, I’m a bit embarrassed about it. No one will ever know about it with the exception of the two of you. There is…a man. This man keeps popping into my mind and just yesterday he popped into my carriage as well. Although, I believe I am to blame for that. It was storming and I offered him shelter. However, that is not the issue. The issue is that, on multiple occasions now, I have felt towards this man. I do not need to tell you how troubling that is. 

I have not acted on these feelings, of course, but when he is near I lose all sense of myself and my duties. It seems silly. I do not know him, not truly. Perhaps I am simply lonely and find him handsome, that is all. At least, I hope that is all. 

Please burn this letter once you have read it and write back soon.

With love,

Nesta

Nesta

The sun is shining and the air is warm but I am absolutely miserable. I have been dragged to yet another social dinner alongside my husband. I am on his arm pretending to be the most loyal, loving wife, but inside I am raging. I feel like a caged animal ready to attack, only my target is my husband and that will simply not do.

Apparently, such thoughts are frowned upon.

Unsure of what this dinner is actually for, my mind has already become vacant once we reach our chairs. We are seated across from a few of Tomas’ business partners and their wives, high ranking members of the ton like ourselves. I let the men talk and for once I am grateful for it. If we women were to talk, I would have nothing kind to say to these women. In fact, I would surely say something to them that would get me smacked by the man on my arm.

My husband has never liked my sharp tongue. I figured that out quite quickly. 

It had been less than twenty-four hours into our marriage, the morning after our wedding, our consummation, when he first struck me. He entered my bedchamber and was appalled that I was still nude from the night before. I asked him why he did not like my body, while he was ashamed of my nakedness when it was he that stripped me bare the night before. His response was to throw a nightgown at me and tell me to cover up. He said that no woman should be bare in daylight that is not a whore.

I refused to put the gown on.

And then he hit me.

From that moment, not even twenty-four hours after we had said our vows, I knew my marriage would never be one full of love. 

We eat and the food is decent. The roasted chicken is flavorful and the vegetables have just enough crunch to be satisfying. Tomas does not allow me to drink the wine, but I long for it, just to help me get through the evening until I am safely alone in my room once more with only the company of a good book. 

Unable to make eye contact with the women across from me, my gaze drifts further down the table and my breathing halts. 

I hadn’t even realized he was here. I was so deep within my own thoughts and misery that I hadn’t taken account of who else was present with the exception of those seated across from us. He must have arrived after we did.

As if he can feel my eyes on him, his eyes swivel to mine. 

Lord Cassian is dressed in all his finery and it suits him, strangely. He is always dressed finely, but I still imagine him as a man that is naturally a bit unkempt. I would like to see that version of him.

I give him a polite nod.

He returns the gesture. 

I turn to Tomas to see if he notices my distraction but he is in an enthusiastic conversation with the man beside him — a man whose name I’ve forgotten. He must be important for some reason. 

I try not to look back at Cassian, I truly do, but I can feel him staring. My thoughts drift back to our time in my carriage. Although the ride was short, there was more excitement in that ride than I’ve had with any man in years. Thankfully we arrived at his home before anything could have happened.

And I fear that if the ride had continued any longer, something would have happened. I know such a thing is blasphemy, but I cannot help but wonder what it would be like.

To be ravished by a man like Lord Cassian. 

I look at him once more. His jaw is hard, his eyes dark, as if he knows the thoughts that are running through my mind. I reach for my glass of wine before I remember I do not have one, that my husband does not trust me to drink. 

Realizing I’ve been locking eyes with a lord who is not my husband for far too long, I focus on my empty plate. Still, I can feel his gaze linger, can feel his eyes roaming my body, begging me to look his way. I do not, can not.

Suddenly, I feel like I cannot breathe. The room has grown too hot and I feel as if I am suffocating. Luckily, everyone around the table has begun to rise. I believe the owner of this home, whoever he is, has offered to show everyone something he deems extravagant. Tomas tells me to stay with the other ladies while he goes off to see this extravagant piece of uselessness and leaves me be.

I take the opportunity to get far, far away. 

After sneaking through multiple winding hallways, I find myself outside and in the gardens. The early evening air is cool and welcoming as the sun begins its descent. I immediately find peace in the silence.

The silence evaporates too quickly. 

“Lady Nesta, are you alright?”

I spin around to see, of course, Lord Cassian. He’s standing casually, with his hands clasped behind his back. He’s not smiling. In fact, he looks concerned. 

“Yes, of course,” I reply, trying my best to remain unaffected. “You should return to the party.”

“The men have gone to see Lord Kallias’ new hunting trophies.” He shrugs and I want to laugh at how informal he seems. “I do not care to see such things. I care more to see how you are faring after looking so miserable for the past hour.” 

I snort. “And here I thought I was good at hiding my emotions.”

“You are,” he says, with no hesitation. “I may have been paying more attention than the others.”

I’m blushing.

I hate myself for blushing. 

Suddenly, I can feel his hand on my knee, my hand on his. I was foolish for touching him, for asking what I was about to ask that day in the carriage, but I find it hard to find regret.

I clear my throat. “I see.” 

He takes a step toward me, then another, and I’m frozen in place. 

“You should really go back inside, my lord,” I say, my hands drawing into fists at my sides to keep me grounded. “This is…”

“Inappropriate?” he supplies, stopping a mere foot away. “I mean nothing untoward. Besides, you and I were alone in your carriage just the other day and I do not recall you thinking that inappropriate.”

That may be true, but it quickly grew inappropriate once I wanted to rip off his clothes and mount him on the velvet bench. 

Wonderful. Now that’s all I’m thinking about. 

“I have changed my mind,” I say, quickly. “That and this are both inappropriate. Good day, my lord.”

He doesn’t move. 

“I came out here to be alone,” I add. 

He still doesn’t move.

Just as I’m about to yell at him, he says, ever-so-calmly, “He does not cherish you as he should.”

My back goes rigid. “Pardon me?”

“Your husband,” he says, as if he has any right to what he’s saying, as if it’s not blasphemy to be speaking to a married woman this way. “He does not cherish you. The entire dinner, he looked at you once, and the look he gave you was the same as if he was scolding a child.” 

Anger fuels me. There must be a certain level of arrogance to make a man say such a thing. My shock-filled anger must show because he shrugs.

Shrugs.

“I apologize if you do not care for my opinion,” he says, “but I have never been one to hold my tongue.”

I cannot breathe. “You know not of what you speak.”  

"And what is that?" he asks, that smirk remaining. "The truth? I know very well that I speak the truth. It is you that does not want to accept it." 

My jaw aches from how hard it’s clenching. “I believe you are drunk, my lord.”

My hostile tone doesn’t sway him. In fact, it makes his eyes grow brighter. He thinks I’m joking. He must, or he wouldn’t be this ignorant. 

“I may not be sober,” he confesses. “Although, I am far from drunk. Do I look drunk?”

No, he does not, but some people have a certain skill set for hiding their inebriation. Yet, he remains the perfect picture of a gentleman. 

“Leave,” I order, and when he does not, I add, “Please. Do not make me beg.” 

He does not falter. “I would not mind making you beg, Lady Nesta.”

I ignore the way my cheeks heat. “Lady Mandray is what you should refer to me as.”

“Is that the name you truly prefer?” he asks, and that humor dims, if only a little. He’s standing so close to me now that his scent is strong, overpowering me. Mint, with a hint of tobacco. “If so, it is what I will call you, but I fear you prefer Lady Nesta. Perhaps even just, simply, Nesta.” 

Honestly, I’m surprised I’ve been able to control myself for this long. “You must stop speaking to me as if you know me,” I snap. “We do not know each other. You are no friend of mine. The way you are speaking to me is distasteful to say the least. I have never had to endure such an absurd conversation, much less from a member of high society. You should be ashamed of yourself, my lord, to embarrass yourself in front of a lady, to act a fool. If you will not leave me alone, then I shall leave you be.”

I go to take a step around him, but he steps in my path and our bodies nearly collide. 

It’s annoying how he has a habit of doing that.

“Should I scream?” I whisper. It’s meant to be a threat, but my body feels like it’s on fire. “Cry out for help?”

“I have no intention of harming you,” he says, taken aback, as if the idea is ludicrous. I nearly feel bad for insinuating such a thing.

“No,” I say, and I mean it. “I know you would not.” 

He swallows, and neither of us move.

“I will leave you alone,” he says, and his voice is low, reaching my very core. I can feel his breath on my face, the warmth, smelling like expensive red wine. “I apologize if I have overstepped. And you are right. I do not know you, not well, but I have seen glimpses of who you are and that woman is very different from the woman who I saw sitting at that dinner table, next to a man she seems to loathe. I know you well enough to know that you deserve better than a loveless marriage. That is all.” 

“My lord—”

“Fogive me,” he breathes, and he sways forward as my breath catches. 

I called him a fool but it is I who is the fool. I am foolish for wanting this man to kiss me, to touch me, to sweep me into his arms and make me feel something. 

“There is nothing to forgive,” I say, and look from his welcoming lips to his eyes that are watching me so intently that I feel completely nude. 

He leans in closer and the panic sets in.

“I am sorry,” I say, and my voice sounds pathetically broken. “I must go back before Tomas returns.”

As much as I wish to have this moment, long to have this moment, I cannot endure Tomas’ wrath nor can I bear to embarass both myself and my husband before all these guests. I may be foolish, but I am not that foolish. 

Not now, not yet.

One look at me and Lord Cassian nods. There is no judgment in his gaze, there is only understanding.

This time, he bows, and meets my eyes once more before walking away.

“Goodbye, Nesta.”

I do not breathe again until he is completely out of sight. 

[touchtranscendslanguage]

Alright, I get your reasoning, here's my counteroffer (this is me spitballing and spending like two hours to come up with a concept, feel free to veto any of this, it's basically just headcanons (I don't wanna overstep any boundaries 🙈)):

Andy doesn't tell Remy but does tell or is found out by a seelie monster friend of hers - someone who is barely a monster or kinda human passing and therefore not someone Andy is as biased against. Let's call them Leaf for now.

Leaf manages to convince Andy not to tell her family about the pregnancy and to stay away from monster hunting. They will help her through the pregnancy instead and while Andy is reluctant, she agrees. During the pregnancy and around the first three years of Virgil's life, Leaf slowly helps Andy work through her biases - not all of them but most. She still isn't willing to tell Remy and is very wary of the Royal Family as well as Claims (whatever her opinions are exactly, it might soften but not disappear.) She does have an easier time loving Virgil though (this is assuming she had a hard time with it in the og timeline, idk.)

Virgil grows up more cared for, though a bit isolated. He gets homeschooled and mostly interacts with Andy, Leaf and a few other monster/monster-friendly friends (maybe some of them have kids Virgil can be kinda friends with but nothing super close.) Andy doesn't take him to other realms and she doesn't want him to learn fae either (though Leaf teaches him a few words here and there.) He is told a bit about Remy - that he's half-drider but a good guy and that Andy made the choice of not involving him in his life so far (with various justifications he might or might not buy into) - but doesn't meet him until he's 10.

That's the age where Leaf convinces Andy that Virgil is old enough to make the decision himself. He has been trained in magic to protect himself in both mind and body and has shown talent, so Andy knows he can defend himself at least a bit. Virgil is hesitant but does want to meet his father.

Leaf arranges a meeting between Remy and Andy, though they do not tell Remy what it's about. As far as Remy knew, Andy had some family issues and had to disappear for a while (so he wasn't ghosted but didn't know the full story.) Andy tells him about Virgil but puts heavy conditions in place for him to be able to meet his son. Which include that he's not allowed to be alone with him for now (Andy has to be present the entire time (she is mostly over the eating thing but there are also a lot of things she doesn't want him to tell Virgil, for example about Claims)), that Virgil isn't allowed to get involved with the seelie royal family until he's an adult and wants to meet them, etc. Remy is not happy about that but after long negotiations he agrees to most of them (there might be magic involved to make sure he sticks to it). He does insist though that Roman is exempt from the 'no contact with the royal family'-rule, even if their meeting will probably still be a few years down the line. Remy and his family live a long time and Virgil is - according to Leaf (who Remy trusts a bit more) - already showing potential to become a powerful witch, so he should live long as well. There's time for him to meet everyone, even if Remy is an impatient bitch. It's better than Andy breaking off contact again and keeping his son from him indefinitely.

So Remy and Virgil meet and Remy immediately loves him so much. They bond quickly - mostly through clicking and Remy teaching him about his drider silk. Remy stays for dinner and after a talk with Leaf discovers that Virgil apparently ate more than usual. As in, Virgil still adjusted his eating habits to Andy and Leaf even without being reprimanded for eating too much, though he still eats more than in the og timeline. Remy makes sure that his visits always include at least one meal, though Leaf also promises to make sure Virgil knows that it's okay for him to eat more. He does get better in this timeline and doesn't have an eating disorder once he grows up.

Remy gets more involved in Virgil's life, though Andy doesn't let them be alone with each other until at least a year later. That is also around the time when Virgil gets a phone and they can message each other online, away from his mother's eyes. I think Virgil would love Andy as his mother and still be influenced by some of her biases, so he is a bit scared of the seelie royal family. Andy has a very negative perception of them, Leaf is very neutral and Remy is very positive, so Virgil isn't entirely sure what to think. So he relies on the knowledge that they are all very powerful and that politics are complicated and dangerous, so he agrees with his mother to wait to get involved with them until he's older and more powerful. Remy tries to convince him otherwise, but he can't argue that there is some logic behind the argument.

Roman enters the picture when Virgil is about 14/15. He and Andy do not get along well, especially since she insists, same as with Remy, that she'd be there the entire time he meets Virgil. Virgil, now fully in his teens and a bit rebellious, is annoyed by it too, but also still somewhat intimidated by Roman's position as Crown Prince, asks Roman to train him. Andy is furious but Leaf talks her down, saying that it's a great opportunity. She reluctantly agrees but Roman has to make her a few promises (very begrudgingly on his part), mainly about not hurting Virgil, respecting his boundaries and not taking him to the fairy realm until he's of age and agrees to it.

Virgil grows quite powerful under Roman's guidance. He's already been learning a lot of magic from Remy and Leaf (idk what Andy could contribute, since she's known to be a disaster and bad at her job but I think she could at least teach Virgil most of the basics of both combat and magic) and with Roman's combat training, he feels more secure. Still, he has anxiety in this timeline, too, so he's still reluctant to meet the rest of the royal family well into adulthood. (Though I think he does have contact with Remy's parents earlier, whether that is online or they come to visit. Virgil does not go to the royal palace yet.)

Virgil is training with Roman when Roman is informed about Janus' capture. Of course, he immediately wants to leave and Virgil - who has been learning fae but is far from fluent and was looking for a way to prove to himself and his family that he's powerful enough and ready to dive into fae politics and meet Roman's family - insists that he takes him with him. Roman is very reluctant (Remy will kill him if anything happens to Virgil) but Virgil manages to convince him (maybe there's favors involved, idk) though he is assigned bodyguards by Roman and isn't on the front lines. So Virgil joins the campaign, without his parent's approval (he is an adult though, so... they can't really tell him no. They are still furious when he gets back.)

They end up finding the prison where Janus is held only just before the Unseelie. Roman and his cavalry hold them off while Virgil's in the unit that go to free the prisoners and get them out before the Unseelie can get to them. The prison guards have already fled like in the og timeline. Virgil ends up freeing Janus again, this time communicating in broken fae and maybe still a bit of magic. On their way to the fairy circle, they are attacked by some Unseelie that managed to get inside but Virgil manages to fend them off, impressing Janus - who at this point doesn't know he's Remy's kid since he knows Remy would never allow him to be here. Anyway, they manage to make it back to circle and the seelie royal castle where Remy is already waiting, ready to chew out Virgil (and Roman for letting him go with.)

And that's basically my justification on how Virgil can still end up with Janus 😋 I'd guess afterwards, Virgil decides to stay in the castle and gets rewarded for his efforts. Idk how Andy will react or if she and Virgil still have a good relationship at that point... This is just a very vague idea of what could happen and I definitely took way too long to think this up 😂

That's one hell of a headcanon! Wow, you put a lot of thought into this! Sorry it took so long to respond, the super long ask was a bit intimidating >.<

Let's see...

Leaf being part seelie/seelie monster alone would endear them to Andy more than Remy bias-wise. The problem isn't so much about Remy being human-passing as it's about what he is.

I still say that Remy wouldn't let anything keep him from his son and keep him from introducing him to the royal family, and he would have the entire seelie royal family backing him up so that's kind of a plot hole, but feel free to ignore that. Sometimes it's fun to get a little out there with headcanons and this is a good one!

Still including the eating thing is sweet. It gives Remy something to help Virgil with.

To be fair, even other fae are afraid of the royal family, so it's completely valid for Virgil to be afraid of them.

I can't see Roman promising Andy anything. There's too much that can go wrong with a promise. He may tell Andy that he won't do certain things and she'll have to believe him because he can't lie and just trust that he won't change his mind, but I don't think promises will be on the table.

This is a good idea! I like it a lot! It's sweet and gives Virgil a chance to have a good relationship with his mom while still getting to fall in love with Janus. I also like the addition of Leaf, I didn't even think of adding a new character to make it work! Very creative, love it.

[lucinatta]

GIRL OK I'm going to vent. If u want to read that'd be great cause I want to know if I'm in the wrong here lol. It's long tho so no need <3

Last monday was my birthday, it's a sucky day to have as a bday so what I did was invite my friends over for dinner on sunday, wait till midnight, blow the candles, eat some cake, open presents, and send everyone on their way at about 1 am so all of us could sleep relatively early. These were like, my "important" birthday plans, because they happened on my actual birthday. I invited my closest friends + 2 girls my friends have been dating for about 7/8 months, because a) I like them! and b) I knew they were spending that weekend over at my friends' places anyway so bringing them was easier than not.

Context for later: The 2 friends with the girlfriends are male, those are the only 2 partners that are external to the friend group, there's 9 of us, and we've been friends for about 10 years.

Anyway, so when I set that plan up on the gc, I explicitly asked both my friends to bring their girlfriends. They told me they would, they did, everything went great. After sunday's plan, I proposed we go out to dinner and then for drinks this saturday so I could have like proper bday plans that don't get cut short because everyone has to get up early for work. Everyone said they could come. Great, no issues so far.

Issues start yesterday, in a gc I'm NOT in that my friends made so they could discuss my present for sunday + a surprise cake (that now I know about lol) for saturday. This is not uncommon, we have bday groupchats for everyone in the group. One of my friends (girl) proposes the surprise cake, and apparently one of my male friends says that his gf can make the cake (as a gift) because she works as a baker. My friend (girl) says that it's not a good idea, since it be weird to have her make a cake for a plan she's not invited to. Apparently this caught both my male friends off guard, because they were under the impression that both their gfs were invited and had already told them about the plan. Now, to be clear, I didn't invite them and at no point did I imply they were invited. Not necessarily because I didn't want them there specifically, but rather because I wanted a night out with just my friends. These 2 girls come to a lot of our plans as a group, but when they do it's because we either tell them to, or our friends ask if they can come. NEITHER OF THESE 2 THINGS HAPPENED!! I want to clarify though, I didn't and still don't feel strongly about them not coming, and if it had been up to me, I would have liked both my friends to reach out to me and let me know that they had misunderstood, that they thought the girls were invited and that they had already invited them, and I would have told them to bring them!! like it really wasn't a big deal. Instead they got upset and told their girlfriends that they couldn't come because I DIDN'T WANT THEM THERE, which sounds sooooo much more drastic than what it actually is. So I find myself in a very shitty situation with NO WARNING (because again, this started in a gc I'M NOT IN!!!), when one of my friends sends me this really long message about how sad and hurt he is and asking me if I'm mad a him or his gf or whatever, and how he had hoped that I would think of her as my friend after all this time. To clarify she's not my friend, she's my friend's gf (that I really like!!), and "all this time" is 8 months lmao. Now these 2 girls think that I hate them, and I have to apologize for something I DIDN'T DOOOOOO. Like this wasn't my misunderstanding, I wasn't even on the gc!! and like what options do I have, realistically? Telling them to backtrack and invite them back gives major "you can come, IF YOU WANT" vibes and I hate that, and telling them that, no, they're not invited sounds like I don't like them or want them there. Like both my options suck.

Things have smoothed over now with my friends but I know they're mad about their gfs being hurt and SO AM I but like, it's not my fault!!! They (my friends) assumed they (their gfs) were invited when they weren't!! But again, it wasn't something I felt strongly about! like honest to god idk why they didn't just tell me they had invited them because they thought they were invited before stirring the pot behind my back. Now everything's a mess and things are tense because the rest of the gc sided with me. And I'm not gonna lie I'm kinda mad that they made this my problem on my bday week. Like couldn't you have waited a week to bring it up?? Anyway that's it lmao

[bohemian-nights]

In your Dettles fanfic "To every season" thier first child passes away but what if he did live? How would Daemon react to seeing Nettles and their son and how would their son react to him? Just a little what if scenario 🤗

Okay so first off, Daemon would feel just a severe amount of guilt.

Now he already feels highly guilty for being away from his Netty for five years, even though the reasons why they were separated for so long weren’t within his control, but he’s able to hide it better. When he finds out that she gave birth to their son and raised him for the first years of his life, he feels like a failure.

He starts to feel and voice that he should’ve pushed himself. He should’ve remembered sooner. He should’ve pushed himself to remember. He’ll even start to regret going after Aemond in the first place. They could’ve left together for some faraway place and never looked back at Westeros. He curses that sense of honor/duty he had felt that led him to go hunting Aemond alone, which nearly killed him. It left her and the little one they created alone in the world.

This is an entirely different scenario from his other kids because there aren’t maids, wet nurses, and other servants around to pawn off their children. Nettles is actually the main one raising their son.

So Daemon would beat himself because he’s missed out on so much and Nettles had to be there for him all by herself. He’s super grateful that she found the hill tribes, but he should’ve been there taking care of them. He wonders how Nettles can forgive him when he left her and their son alone for so long. Nettles of course thinks this is silly.

He’s here now. He found his way back to them. She can’t hold what happened against him. If he never went after Aemond he’d regret it and she’d never want him to regret anything.

Daemon doesn’t let his guilt keep him from interacting with their kid. He really goes out of his way to bond with their son and make up for most time.

He carves little wooden dragon toys for him. He’ll make him a little practice sword if he doesn’t already have one and he will literally sit there for hours just listening to him babble on. He kinda lets him get away with things. Like if Nettles doesn’t let him eat sweets before dinner he’ll just give Daemon puppy eyes and he’ll sneak the kid some treats and be like, “Don’t tell your mom.” 🤣🤣🤣

As far as their son goes, this one looks like a mini-Daemon and he kinda acts like one too. He’s extremely weary of Daemon at first. I mean he is basically a stranger. He does know that he’s dad though, even without Nettles telling him so. He may be a kid, but he has eyes.

He’s just so used to it essentially being himself, Nettles, and Sheepstealer. Nettles has centered her life around raising him, so he’s a mama’s boy, and he’s very protective over her. He’s very clingy. I imagine that while he may have his own bed, he creeps into Nettles's bed at night most of the time and sleeps there. However, when he sees Daemon cuddling up to her he goes, “Hey that’s my place” 🤣🤣🤣So he pushes himself between the two saying that he thought he heard a noise.

Daemon goes to check, and when he comes back and tries to join them, the poor man is regulated to the far end of the bed when his son tells him that he needs room to breathe (which is utterly ridiculous when he’s clinging to Nettles).

It obviously takes a while, and some patience on Daemon’s end, but the two eventually bond. Probably over dragons. I think that their son might actually be a little upset/insecure about the fact that he does not have his own dragon. Especially considering who his parents are.

This is Daemon’s way in because he gets to comfort him and tell him that he was not born with a dragon himself. Dragons don’t make a man and he is already an incredibly clever boy with a good heart.

Or they might bond over their territorial issues. I.e. they dislike it when they see men throwing themselves Nettles' way.

It becomes even more apparent how similar the two are with how jealous they both act(the pouting, the clinging onto her, and glaring at the man in question, which is surprisingly intimidating even coming from a five-year-old). Nettles finds it hilarious (not to mention adorable) as she points it out to the two. They of course deny it and say that she is far too trusting. That they must look out for her. Lol, nothing brings father and son together than acting like the human embodiment of their house sigil 🐉

[slimschance]

Sunday - 26/05/24

9:00am

feeling full so i might just not eat till dinner/tomorrow 👍 my dad questioned me on why i don't want breakfast though ermm

anyway! my uncles finally replied so i might just be doing the ≈12k step walk . 1 issue, my nans off to hospital tomorrow so we're all visiting her, but the times might run over

just sat on my arse currently, watching memeulous. fun

12:14am(?)

just broke my "fast", it was only meant to be till 1am but my greedy arse broke it at 12 with 3 peanut M&M's... the fast was what, 18.5 hours? people who skip breakfast and have early dinners do that daily, thats nothing. fuck that

anyway, am watching hollyoaks, dave is in a beyond fucked situation

6:42pm

just ate chinese, i feel both full and guilty 👍 though i felt faint at one point earlier so at least im eating,, but still. the food was lush but i didn't get to enjoy it cos i was so worried about the cals since the foodsplace doesn't say em, then, the cals seemed low for takeaway so i added some oil to my tracker

anyway, no walk today as there was a storm, we'll do it tomorrow, and i visited my nan. familys so important for me so i'm glad i could make it. i watched a bit of lorax since that was on TV, apparently it's ≈11 years old now? yikes

still... no exercise is terrible ffs. glad i'll have the home to myself most daytime so i can do as much exercise as i need!

now i'm in bed chewing gum, i should exercise but my mind keeps telling me no because i just ate and the springs in my bed are both noisy and painful to my hands and back. when family's home i can only exercise on my bed. anyway, i don't think i'm gonna eat anymore today, i really shouldn't, so here's the log

although i didn't set any goals today, i did go way under my cals! (limit 650, capped at 715) i partly think it's bc i didn't have a strict number and rather just the thought to "keep it low", but skipping breakfast helped times ten for sure, i think i might do that every day this week holiday + then every other day each week - excluding exams, since i need the food then.

oh! some good news, all my so...? spray just arrived, and i just opened my sylvanian family toy from earlier in the week, so i'll show my fave perfume-body mist combo and my cute sylvanian x

look at her arms bro, shes so funny so i love her

for some reason the quality's dodge, my bad! i actually think its the shitty lighting but nevermind.

anyway

SO...? Pink Grapefruit body mist and Calvin Klein (ck) IN2U match so nicely, i found this out accidentally when using my (then) new favourite grapefruit spray with mum's perfume. i knew my juicy couture daily perfume didn't match the grapefruit spray so i'd be wasting the JC if i used it. so after a few days of stealing mum's i realised IN2U matched so nicely! i continued to use it and continued to notice it matching well, few days on i decide to search the scent profile, and it has grapefruit in it! thats why they paired well. so since, thats one of my go to combos.

also, if i ever want to smell pure edible, i use coconut body butter, vanilla oil on my blazer collar, either vanilla or coconut body mist, and a perfume with vanilla. makes me wanna bite into myself but also makes me soo sweaty legged if i apply too much butter, i need to use some sort of applicator i'm just lazy 😅 might just buy a coconut body milk instead and skip the hassle of the oily layer left with body butter

11:54pm

i've been scrolling online forums and making character diets for a few hours now. gonna sleep

[my-weird-news]

💔 Britney Spears & Sam Asghari: Unbelievable Divorce Drama!

#BritneyBreakup: Oops, They Did It Again! Hey there, party people! Gather 'round for the latest chapter in the never-ending drama of #BritneyBreakup! So, you won't believe it—Britney Spears and her handsome sidekick, Sam Asghari, are calling it quits after just a whole year of marital bliss. I mean, I've had toothbrushes that lasted longer than that! Hold onto your hair extensions, because Mr. Asghari has packed his bags and decided to ghost Britney's abode like a phantom in a rom-com. Just yesterday, we were swooning over their wedding pics, and now they're dropping the bombshell like it's a surprise party gone horribly wrong. Let's take a stroll down the red carpet of memory lane, shall we? Back in 2016, when flared jeans and questionable hairstyles were still a thing, a young chap named Sam found himself cast as the "boy toy" in Britney's music video. Ah, modern romance at its finest! Fast forward, and before you can say "hashtag relationship goals," they're hitting the Instagram "official" button. Because, clearly, a relationship is only real once it's Facebook status-worthy, right? But wait, folks, this is no ordinary love story. Britney had a conservatorship situation going on, which sounds fancy but basically meant her dad held the keys to her life choices, even down to deciding whether she should be parting ways with her IUD. Yep, a legal entity decided whether her uterus had a future or not. Awkward family dinner conversations just took a wild turn! Oh, and speaking of turns, have you heard of the documentary "Framing Britney Spears"? It hit the scene like a meteor, leaving everyone with jaws on the floor, going, "Wait, what?" Suddenly, we all felt like we needed detective hats to solve the mystery of "What's been happening to our girl?" Enter the #FreeBritney movement, and our man Sam, rocking #FreeBritney tees like he was the president of the fan club. Talk about commitment! Then, the grand finale arrived: the conservatorship got the boot, and the lovebirds headed to the wedding chapel. Celebs swarmed in, and apparently, there were even golden-hoofed horses making a cameo. Because if your wedding doesn't include mythical creatures, is it even a wedding? But wait, folks, the plot thickens! Out of the blue, a blast from Britney's past, Jason Alexander (no, not that Seinfeld guy), crashes the party. He insists they're still married from some wild Vegas escapade back in 2004. Somebody get this guy an Oscar for best dramatic entrance in a breakup narrative! Hold onto your fedoras (I'm assuming you're wearing one), because things take a nosedive. Britney's behavior goes full-on rollercoaster meets earthquake with a side of sibling feuds and nighttime kidnapping fears. And just when you thought the party couldn't get wilder, a TMZ doc points fingers at her for substance issues. But fear not, for our hero Sam steps in, throwing shade at the documentary like a pro-level shady tree. And now, folks, brace yourselves for the ultimate twist. TMZ drops the bomb that Sam's accusing Britney of playing the cheating game! Rumors fly faster than pigeons when you throw popcorn at them, and suddenly, the town's buzzing like a caffeinated beehive. Wait, there's more! Page Six spills the beans that Sam wants a bigger chunk of change and threatens to spill all the tea. I can practically see him clutching a secret diary labeled "Britney's Most Embarrassing Moments." Reality TV, eat your heart out! So, what's the moral of this rollercoaster-on-steroids tale? Love's a bumpy ride, and celebrity love is like a rollercoaster designed by a mad scientist. And hey, if you're into weird tales and rollercoaster journalism that leaves your head spinning, consider throwing a coin to Vox. They're all about brain-teasing content without emptying your wallet. Because understanding the world shouldn't be limited to the brunches of caviar-eating elites. So, will you join the curious carnival? 🎢💸🌎#BritneyBreakup: Oops, They Did It Again! Hey there, party people! Gather 'round for the latest chapter in the never-ending drama of #BritneyBreakup! So, you won't believe it—Britney Spears and her handsome sidekick, Sam Asghari, are calling it quits after just a whole year of marital bliss. I mean, I've had toothbrushes that lasted longer than that! Hold onto your hair extensions, because Mr. Asghari has packed his bags and decided to ghost Britney's abode like a phantom in a rom-com. Just yesterday, we were swooning over their wedding pics, and now they're dropping the bombshell like it's a surprise party gone horribly wrong. Let's take a stroll down the red carpet of memory lane, shall we? Back in 2016, when flared jeans and questionable hairstyles were still a thing, a young chap named Sam found himself cast as the "boy toy" in Britney's music video. Ah, modern romance at its finest! Fast forward, and before you can say "hashtag relationship goals," they're hitting the Instagram "official" button. Because, clearly, a relationship is only real once it's Facebook status-worthy, right? But wait, folks, this is no ordinary love story. Britney had a conservatorship situation going on, which sounds fancy but basically meant her dad held the keys to her life choices, even down to deciding whether she should be parting ways with her IUD. Yep, a legal entity decided whether her uterus had a future or not. Awkward family dinner conversations just took a wild turn! Oh, and speaking of turns, have you heard of the documentary "Framing Britney Spears"? It hit the scene like a meteor, leaving everyone with jaws on the floor, going, "Wait, what?" Suddenly, we all felt like we needed detective hats to solve the mystery of "What's been happening to our girl?" Enter the #FreeBritney movement, and our man Sam, rocking #FreeBritney tees like he was the president of the fan club. Talk about commitment! Then, the grand finale arrived: the conservatorship got the boot, and the lovebirds headed to the wedding chapel. Celebs swarmed in, and apparently, there were even golden-hoofed horses making a cameo. Because if your wedding doesn't include mythical creatures, is it even a wedding? But wait, folks, the plot thickens! Out of the blue, a blast from Britney's past, Jason Alexander (no, not that Seinfeld guy), crashes the party. He insists they're still married from some wild Vegas escapade back in 2004. Somebody get this guy an Oscar for best dramatic entrance in a breakup narrative! Hold onto your fedoras (I'm assuming you're wearing one), because things take a nosedive. Britney's behavior goes full-on rollercoaster meets earthquake with a side of sibling feuds and nighttime kidnapping fears. And just when you thought the party couldn't get wilder, a TMZ doc points fingers at her for substance issues. But fear not, for our hero Sam steps in, throwing shade at the documentary like a pro-level shady tree. And now, folks, brace yourselves for the ultimate twist. TMZ drops the bomb that Sam's accusing Britney of playing the cheating game! Rumors fly faster than pigeons when you throw popcorn at them, and suddenly, the town's buzzing like a caffeinated beehive. Wait, there's more! Page Six spills the beans that Sam wants a bigger chunk of change and threatens to spill all the tea. I can practically see him clutching a secret diary labeled "Britney's Most Embarrassing Moments." Reality TV, eat your heart out! So, what's the moral of this rollercoaster-on-steroids tale? Love's a bumpy ride, and celebrity love is like a rollercoaster designed by a mad scientist. And hey, if you're into weird tales and rollercoaster journalism that leaves your head spinning, consider throwing a coin to Vox. They're all about brain-teasing content without emptying your wallet. Because understanding the world shouldn't be limited to the brunches of caviar-eating elites. So, will you join the curious carnival? 🎢💸🌎 Read the full article

[lessapander]

Had a little check-up yesterday with the dietician.

I'm on track and doing well. I reached my first target goal and have maintained muscle mass and hydration properly, so everything seems to be good. I can still stand to increase dairy and protein intake in the afternoon, which is good to hear. I still need to have bloods drawn to confirm cholesterol levels are down, which won't be until December, but I've already seen improvement with my blood pressure, so it's likely my cholesterol will have improved as well.

However, she implied I can lighten up a little bit more now and then, and that reminded me of my past treatment courses with her.

So I checked my previous food diaries: I had the same issue of going really hardcore into her advice when I saw her previously for cholesterol issues like this, as well. And again before that for the FODMAP testing and glucose problems. In both cases, after I stopped seeing her, I gradually slacked off and went back to eating too much protein and not enough vegetables.

Knowing how I am, I've been trying to keep myself pretty strictly on regimen because a) I know I have shit self-control; if I keep a regular amount of junk food in the house, I absolutely will eat it, and b) I know that I'll be indulging in dinners out for most of next month in particular.

She was very reassuring about the trips I have planned for next month, and said "what's the worst thing that happens? You gain a bit of the weight back or your cholesterol goes up a little. Oh well. You'll get back to it in October and it's no big deal. You're doing fine."

We talked about a few other things as well, such as what kinds of "indulgences" aren't actually that indulgent (apparently a chocolate paddle pop has a very similar nutritional content to a regular tub of yoghurt because it's aimed at kids; go figure) if I'm really worried about going overboard.

We also discussed what my healthy weight range is as someone who is glucose intolerant and has a family history of diabetes, and I was surprised to hear how close I already am to that weight. As a teen and younger adult, my GP told me a much lower "ideal" weight than what she and I discussed. According to her, that number (which is what I weighed for years) is actually quite a bit underweight for the amount of muscle and bone mass I carry. So while he looked at a chart and said "ah yes, you're this tall, so you should be XXkg", she's said "mmnah, that's too thin. We can reassess in a few months, but for now, don't even think about that."

tl;dr: I'm doing fine and the dietician says I should go eat some ice cream sometimes lol

[daaydreamy]

no cuz i really cannot stand him especially recently 😭

like i think maybe a month ago my sister found out that her student loans were maxed out so she had to switch from one degree to a different one which ended up being good for her bc she can get the same kind of jobs but she’ll finish like 2 years earlier BUT when she told him that her loans were maxed out he started freaking out bc she has debt and he apparently didn’t know “how this is supposed to work” if she has so much debt bc he wants to buy a house at some point and that sent my sister into a spiral bc she thought he was gonna break up with her for it and she’s severely attached to this man so that literally would’ve been the end of the world but the thing that gets me!!!! is he litchrally knew that she had student debt when they started dating 😐 like BEEN had it and now all of a sudden he wants to start having a meltdown even tho the issue has not changed like…..we did this for what sir

AND THEN SHORTLY AFTER THAT he kept making up excuses to either not go to work or to come home early like one day he insisted on needing to go home and worried his boss and coworkers enough that they insisted he have my sister go pick him up bc they didn’t want him driving AND U WANNA KNOW WHAT TF HIS PROBLEM WAS⁉️ GAS‼️ HIS POOR WITTLE TUMMY HURT AND HE MADE IT SOUND LIKE HE WAS ABOUT TO DROP DEAD ANY SECOND like u rly had to have my sister go all the way there to get u bc u had to fart bitch 😐 but then another time after that like literally only 2 weeks ago he stayed home from work bc he flat out said he hates his job and doesn’t wanna work there anymore AND THEN last week he said he had a migraine but when we showed up at her apartment bc we already had plans with her he was sitting in their room on his laptop playing video games 😐 i thought ur head hurt babes⁉️ like how u gon come at my sister for having debt when u wanna fake sick ur way out of working so u can make money hoe 🤨 and when my mom brought up the fact that he made a huge deal about her debt but is constantly taking days off or leaving early bc he doesn’t like his job my sister just said “yea trust me i know but i if say anything it’ll be a whole thing 🙄” um that sounds like a red flag girlie

and then the last thing is that they take her car eeeeeverywhere and i KNOW he doesn’t pay her back for gas like there’s been so many times where she’s like “i need to get some cash out” and i’ll ask why and it’s bc she owes him for paying for food or something 😐 oh ok but he can act like ur his personal uber and that’s fine?? like her car has no AC right now and a little while ago she was talking about how awful it was to go get groceries bc of the heat and i said “why don’t u just take ryan’s car” and she said “his trunk is too small” so i said “he has a back seat 😐” and she said “oh yea ur right idk” AND THEN when we were at her apartment the same day that he stayed home to play video games bc he had a migraine he went outside and came back in with this HUGE plastic tote that he had where??? IN HIS TRUNK‼️ so i asked my sister “if he can fit that in his trunk why can’t y’all take it to get groceries” and she got mad at me 😋 and then when we met up with them for dinner this past weekend which was just a few days later bc my cousin was visiting and it was her last day they showed up IN HIS CAR so i’m assuming i struck a nerve 🤭

but yea clearly i do not like his ass but likeeee can u even blame me 😭

(oh and one lil extra thing i just remembered is that when we were visiting her at her apartment when he had his “migraine” he ended up playing uno with me and my cousin 😐 and EVERY‼️ SINGLE‼️ TIME‼️ it was his turn he’d just sit there for a little bit and then go “oh is it um…..is it my turn??” YES U STUPID FCK IT GOES IN THE SAME ORDER EVERY TIME HAVE U NEVER PLAYED A SINGLE CARD GAME IN UR LIFE omg i could not handle it and also while we were eating dinner my sister burped and he literally patted her knee and rubbed circles on it like comforting her or something as if she’s a toddler and not literally 27 years old 😐 so that made me wanna scream too)

the way that she already had student debt when they started dating is so…….. girl. 😐 making a fuss all about what???? LITERALLY NOTHING!!!!! literally acted like the world was ending tomorrow like. u knew this already???? this is not new news???? ANYWAY girl anybody could take a stomachache 😐 are u telling me u couldn’t drive bc your stomach hurt 😐 also like this is giving very like kid who faked being sick to not go to school LMFAOOOO u are a grown ass man 🙄 “it’ll be a whole thing” … not even gonna say anything about THAT. also… just use his car???? 😭 and pay her back for gas bitch that’s just rude 🤕 AND I FUCKING HATE WHEN PEOPLE DO THAT OMG!!!!! “is it my turn” YES OH MY GOD PLEASE PAY ATTENTION!!!!!!!

baby owemgee that burp was so big 🥺 are u okay baby? 🥺 that was so brave 🥺