#it has completely turned me off from reading or even writing rpf as a whole

[ujunxverse]

i got back from seeing ateez yesterday and i think my pre frontal cortex is developing as we speak cos tell me why i felt so disgusted abt writing yn fics like these men are real people rpf suddenly became so weird to me…..

[montrealmadison]

Tater 27 please ?

i have never written tater before - ever! - so this was incredibly fun! thank you so much for the prompt and for helping me stretch my writing muscles a little bit ❤️ the only things i know about patater are inspired by a frankly shocking quantity of sidgeno rpf so make of that what you will

27. tater + i’m so tired by lauv & Troye Sivan for @shygryf

Strangers, killing my lonely nights with strangers And when they leave, I go back to our song, I hold on Hurts like heaven, lost in the sound Buzzcut season like you're still around Can't unmiss you, but I need you now

Tater’s letting some girl he doesn’t know shoot tequila out of his belly button when he gets the text.

Kent Parson: you awake? Kent Parson: sorry know it’s late

It is late, three or so, and the club’s fun but the idea of not being here is just as good. Maybe it’s rude, but he doesn’t care; he props his elbow on the table for better leverage and sends back, yes, and then ok?

Kent Parson: no Kent Parson: popped my achilles Kent Parson: we're out

Shit. That means the end of their playoff run, which in turn means about five hundred other things. He doesn’t even have the chance to formulate a response before Kent adds, will you come?

A cold thing settles in Tater’s chest, a weighty purpose that he doesn’t stop to examine. Maybe it's the shots making this seem like a good idea; of course he will, and that’s the end of it. There’s something about clambering up off the table, tequila soaking down into his open fly, and shouldering his way to the exit without a word that makes him feel about a thousand feet tall.

read more below or on ao3 | request a fic here

Kent lives in a nice building. Not nice enough for the security guy downstairs to make any real effort to stop Tater from getting in, but then, Tater is six foot seven and built like the desks that lesser men hide behind. He hits the button for the elevator and zips upward, chewing on his lip, watching the numbers tick higher.

This is stupid. This is an absurd way to spend a thousand dollars and God knows how many days, catching a frantic red-eye to Vegas like he’s going to be able to do anything the Aces’ trainers haven’t already tried. It’s more absurd that he stands in the hallway with his fist poised to knock on Kent’s front door for at least five minutes, wondering if he should have brought food. Does the kid even eat? He’s awfully tiny.

He finally gets over himself and knocks. There’s a voice from inside at once: “Open.”

Tater does.

The apartment is nice, modern. It’s also a complete fucking mess. There are ostentatiously dirty shoes scattered all over the entryway, possibly-related scuff marks up the bare white walls. Tater has to do this dainty hop through a minefield of Yeezys just to make it to solid ground, and is very glad that no one can see him. Stupid, stupid, stupid.

“Parson?”

“In the living room.”

Tater drops his bag in the kitchen and heads for the voice. The close little hallway seems much more inviting than it did in the dark last time he was here, and the living room is spacious and airy without a couple hundred bodies packing it. There’s a big TV on one wall, running something trashy. In the middle of the room is that ugly couch, brown suede and covered with cat hair, and in the middle of the couch is Kent.

Relief spreads through Tater at once, numbing the tingle in his hands. Okay, so maybe he spent the whole five-hour trip picturing the worst-case scenario. Guys in their line of work are not, as a rule, great at handling their injuries, especially later in the season; Tater only has to look at Jack for proof of that one. But Kent’s eyes are clear, if tired and a little wet-looking, and he’s sprawled out comfortably with his hand in Kit’s fur and his wrapped ankle carefully supported by a pile of throw pillows. He’s wearing ratty old sweats, white socks gone gray on the bottoms, a couple days’ worth of scruff that marks his sorry excuse for a playoff beard. 

“Shit, man,” he says, seeing Tater in the doorway. “You came.”

“You call.” 

It’s not quite that simple, but somehow, faced with the fact of Kent’s obvious, boneless relief at having him here, it feels like the right sentiment.

“I did,” Kent says. He sounds croaky, exhausted. The deep shadows under his eyes make them look more green. Tater wonders if he’s slept, or how much. “Thanks.”

He has this weird impulse to poke the bear, which maybe isn’t fair to Kent, but it’s all he knows how to do. 

“You miss me?” he asks, slouching further into the room. Kit lifts her head imperiously to watch him settle a polite distance away on the couch. “That why you ask me, not teammate?”

This is the dynamic they built at the bar, in the darkness of Kent’s bedroom: push and pull, catch and release. Things are still too new, too fragile between them; they’ve never implied a sense of belonging to each other, or at least not the kind that prompts something like this. 

As it stands, Kent doesn’t play along with the teasing, and that’s what finally gives Tater a sense of how shitty he feels. 

“Let ‘em grieve, right?” he says listlessly, tipping his head into the back of the couch. “Shit game. Didn’t wanna bother them.”

You were okay with bothering me, Tater thinks but does not say. A guy you’ve hooked up with twice who lives across the country. What the fuck does that mean?

He knows what he wants, what he wants it to mean. It’s part of what caught his eye in the first place: this kid is so, so young to be a captain, to bear this weight. The Aces are out of the playoffs not because they played their hardest, but thanks to a non-call and an injury that’ll have Kent in PT all summer. Now he’s curled up on the couch in his disaster of an apartment with only the cat for company, his teammates pushed away or otherwise nowhere to be found. It’s incongruous with the spitfire who finds a reason to drop gloves every time they share the ice, who likes to have his wrists pinned down and kisses with too much teeth and, holy hell, called Tater in Providence when he got hurt.

“Bother me anytime,” Tater says before he can bite down on it. He scoots a little closer, clasping his hands briefly between his knees. “Poor Parson. Need friend when teammates being sad.”

Kent’s laugh turns into a cough and Kit scrambles off his chest, affronted. 

“Is that what you are?” he asks. “My friend?”

“Maybe,” Tater hums, pretending to consider. “Well. Maybe not yet.”

“Not yet,” Kent echoes. He sounds puzzled. “Okay?”

“We not really know each other,” Tater says. Maybe it’s mean, the way this is lighting him on fire. Kent likes to bottom, but never to lose control; even in bed he runs his mouth like everything that comes out of it is gospel truth. Opportunities to catch him on the back foot are few and far between, and—well. Tater likes to take care of his people, likes to show them love, and above all likes a challenge.

“We don’t—”

Tater decides to take pity on him. “Sex not knowing, Parson. Think maybe you think that way.”

Okay, yeah, this is definitely mean. Kent’s breath is coming faster, and the line of his jaw is set and trembling. But Tater wants to push him a little bit, get his money’s worth for the flight, the worry; Kent can pay him back in kind, and will. Tater just has to help him get there.

“So what if I do?” Kent asks. His laugh is tiny. “Man, I’m confused. Not like we’ve had much more time to figure each other out.”

And yet you asked me here, Tater thinks, and decides to play his trump card.

“It’s summer. You not play, I’m not play.” Tater spreads his hands wide, goes for broke and scoots in close to curl a hand slow and sinuous around Kent’s good ankle. “Need rest, someone to take care. Seem like good time to me.”

Kent’s breath catches in his throat. He smells sweaty and kinda gross, but his smile is soft, a fragile thing, and Tater knows he’s gotten it right. 

“Captive audience,” Kent says, barely a whisper.

“Yes,” Tater agrees, and leans in to meet his mouth.

[thefanficmonster]

Meeting the Fam

Corpse Husband x Reader (Female)

Warnings: Swearing

Genre: FLUFF, Humor, RPF (Real Person Fic)

Summary: Following the rumors circulating about the supposed relationship between Corpse and the cover artist better known by their YouTube persona Y/Y/P, the streamer gang demands of Corpse to meet the girl who is the inspiration behind two of his most popular songs.

Requested by Anon. Hi darling! Thank you so much for your adorable request I’m so glad you gave me the honor to write it! I’m so sorry it’s taken me so long to complete and post it but here it is and I hope you enjoy the read if you come across it! Love, Vy ❤

“Ughhh, why’d you have to agree to this?! You didn’t feel the need to ask me first either!“ Complains Y/N as she paces back and forth in front of the couch Corpse is sat at.

“I couldn’t say no! You don’t know how angry Rae and Lily can get when they want to! I was walking a tightrope!“ Corpse defends himself, feeling like he’s shrinking with every word she speaks. Well it’s either that or just him mistaking the suppressed laughter for uneasiness. Yeah, seeing his.....um, friend so flustered and so angrily red in the face is probably the most amusing sight he’s ever seen. Of course though, he knows better than to laugh. He really doesn’t feel like meeting the Grim Reaper today.

“Fine, as a woman, I get how intimidating they can be, but that doesn’t say anything about the second part of my accusation!“ She softens ever so slightly but still refuses to allow Corpse a sigh of relief, a confirmation that he’s off the hook.

Yeah, well he isn’t and as it appears he won’t be for a while.

“I was put in a tight spot! It was either saying something or getting yelled at for the rest of the stream.“ He’s basically pleading with her at this point, knowing well enough that all his defenses are weak for offenses as strong as hers. They’ve been friends for the longest time so none of this should come as a surprise him.

But then again he’s been friends with Rae for quite some time now, as well as the other streamers in the gang and yet he never expected to have any of them notice the correlation between a girl he’s only ever mentioned twice in front of them and the lyrics to his songs E-girls are ruining my life and Cat girls are ruining my life. It’d take a real analyst to crack that code and as it turns out he’s been surrounded by analysts this whole time.

“You know Y/Y/P? Since when??? How??“

“Damn it, Lily, it was supposed to be a slowly luring trap not a tackle attack from the get-go.” Comments Toast with a snicker, being one of the only ones disinterested in the matter. Ok, maybe not completely disinterested but he’s definitely not as immersed as Leslie or Rae for example.

“If you can stay all cool and shit, I can’t!“ Lily argues, briefly and effectively shushing Toast before turning her attention back to a very stunned and stuttering Corpse, “Answer the question, Corpse!”

Now, while he certainly wasn’t expecting to get verbally tackled upon hopping into the Discord call Rae had invited him to. However, what he expected even less was to get a surprise questioning about Y/Y/P. He’s by no means stranger with anything that has to do with the friend who he’s had in his life for the longest time, but getting asked about her by people who are not supposed to know they know each other is baffling just as much as it’s startling.

“Um, yes, I know her. She’s a cover artist....I think....I think she’s made a cover of Miss You?“ The answer is a jumbled mess that sounds more like a question he’s asking himself than anyone else.

It’s not very surprising that none of the curious people in the VC are satisfied with that.

“Corpse, darling, you’re lurking in the comment section of every video of hers. You two really be having whole ass conversations for all the world to see! You follow each other on social media, you comment on each other’s posts, you tag each other in posts, need I go on?“ Rae jumps to aid Leslie’s offense.

“You literally have posted a picture of her on your IG story that you later deleted. A picture that you apparently took!“ In comes Lily with info of her own, leaving the man even more dumbfounded than before.

“Ok, what the fuck type of investigation is this?!“ Corpse finally strengthens his defenses, while also physically backing away from his computer screen, wheeling the desk chair back further and further, forcing the wire of the headset to remind him he can’t go any further, “Have you guys run out of every available hobby and have now settled for stalking me to fill your time?“

“There he goes dodging the question again.“ Says Leslie who’s trying her best to sound annoyed and stern but is on the edge of breaking with laughter. To be fair, everyone is. Ok, everyone minus Lily who’s dead-set on getting some answers out of her friend. So, when she prepares to go on a rant with the strong opening of: “Listen here, you....”, Corpse knows better than to let her go on.

And so he lets the cat out of the bag instead.

“Ok, ok, fine! I know Y/Y/N, she’s my friend.“ He finally admits, “We’ve been friends for quite some time and she’s actually the one who got me into music so the least I could do is dedicate a song or two to her.“

There’s a few moments of chatter amongst the interrogators, satisfied comments and victorious claims that Corpse willingly excludes himself from. His friendship with Y/N has always been so on the down low to the point where now it seems so odd and so out in the open he’s afraid it won’t feel the same ever again.

“Hey, Corpse?“ Rae’s beckon for his attention summons him back to the present and out of his thoughts.

“Hm?“ He responds with a questioning hum.

“So, you really think those songs were just a return favor to Y/Y/N for getting you into music?“ She proceeds to oh so casually ask, “And no, don’t answer right away, I want you to think about this. Do you really think that’s the case?“

Oh boy that threw him for a loop, a spiral he’s still slowly going downward in even now as Y/N paces before him. His been racking his brain for a proper reasoning that could make sense than the original return favor claim that has turned out to only be a theory and not a fact as he thought.

“Y-you can still back out of it, you know?“ He offers, seeing the mild terror in her eyes which makes him feel super protective and guilty that he’s the reason the fear’s there in the first place.

Y/N stops pacing suddenly, letting her hands fall from their spot on her hips to hang by her sides almost as a sign of defeat.

“Yeah, I can, but I don’t really want to.“ She sighs and finally turns to face him, her face now occupied by a softer expression than before, suggesting that she’s calmed down a bit, “If it matters to you, it matters to me. I know those people are your closest friends and-“

Corpse shakes his head quickly, cutting her off, “You are my closest friend so-“

“So it’s only right I meet your other closest friends.“ She smiles as she takes his hands in hers, “I’ll consider it as meeting the fam, you know?“, She even offers him a wink as confirmation that she no longer has the urge to take off running for the hills.

However, it seems as though she’s passed said urge down to him.

Or rather not - what’s causing it is the realization of what fueled those songs of his, and boy was it not platonic in the slightest.

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[urrone]

Fic Author Recommendations

When you get this, reply with your favorite five fics that you’ve written, then pass on to at least five other writers. Let’s spread the self-love.

Tagged by @swaps55 thank yooooou

gravity - Julie/Luke, Julie & the Phantoms - This is probably my favorite thing I’ve ever written because of everything I’ve ever written, this is the one where I feel like I absolutely nailed the thesis of it the whole way through. Love doesn’t fix everything, sometimes love means work, means not getting to have the person you want all the time, but that’s not bad. It just is. 

Birthdays are different when your boyfriend's a ghost.

What Remains - Sam/Dean, Supernatural - Yes it’s wincest. I like to joke that I hop from fandom to fandom writing one magnum opus in each and maybe a scattering of little ficlets and this one is probably the opus of my opuses. (The latin got away from me, whatever.) 

In Jefferson, Texas a man ends a generations-old curse and saves all the town's children, but completely loses his memory in the process. When it's discovered that he's a wanted criminal, the town comes together to conceal him out of gratitude for what he's done for them, giving him an apartment, a job and a whole new life. It takes seven months for Sam to find Dean, and when he finally does, he has to adapt to being around a man who has no idea that he used to be Sam's brother.

For a Single Yesterday - Shepard/Kaidan, Mass Effect - sometimes you just have to write a fic that literally makes you cry the whole way through, even as you’re writing it, and that is this one for me. It was cathartic and painful and exactly like I wanted it to end up, and now I never have to read it again, heh. 

“You have to be fine,” he says, but doesn’t put in the message. He sticks it in the outgoing queue. No hails from Shepard before they’d escaped the local cluster. No telling exactly what that wave of green energy had done, if there had even been any ships able to go back and look for him.

Not knowing anything is the most frustrating thing of all.

There’s no telling how long it’ll be before they’re connected to any kind of network again, if ever. Maybe he’ll die of old age on this planet while Shepard searches the galaxy for them. At least Shepard would have survived to search.

The Rest Is Silence - OMC/OMC, Lord of the Rings - I knew even as I was writing this one that it wouldn’t be a crowd favorite because it has no one in it that anyone will recognize, but my first forays into fandom were all RPS and this was the first time I’d tried to match the tone of a published work of fiction and while I don’t think, looking back, that I was necessarily 100% successful, I really still love how this one came out. 

It’s the quiet he remembers most. The long hours spent looking off at distant Gondor, the silent beacon of Amon Din towering above him.

And y’all I’ll be perfectly honest, I’m struggling to pick a fifth one. Like the rest of them are FINE, I guess? The one I would pick, I think, doesn’t exist on the internet anymore because it was RPF and one half of the pairing turned out to be a huge asshole who sexually assaults women, so I deleted it. But I was really proud of it at the time, and it did something cool with structure that I was really proud of having pulled off, and one of the lines at the end lives rent free in my head to this day. 

As far as picking five new authors goes, swaps tagged me in this five days ago and I have no idea who’s participated and who hasn’t because my life over the last week is just a haze. So if you haven’t been tagged by anyone else and you’d like to participate, feel free to tell people I sent you. 

[nyxocity]

Fic Writer Questions!

Thanks to @redmyeyes for the tag!

1) How many works do you have on AO3?

82, although that's not even close to my actual total. There's a bunch on LJ that have never been transferred (all shorter works)

2) What’s your total AO3 word count?

1,780,805 (over 2mil on LJ)

3) How many fandoms have you written for and what are they?

Mostly three, plus a couple dips into a few other pools. X-Men Comic Book fandom, Buffy & Angel fandom (they kinda count as one since it's the same universe), and Supernatural & SPN RPF. Dips have included Dragon Age, Firefly, a tiny bit of TVD, a Sons of Anarchy crossover.

4) What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

This is tough if I go by numbering. Homework Verse has the most kudos scattered across all parts, but Stranger Than Fiction has the most as a single story. Anyway...

Homework Verse (J2 RPF, 200k+ words) - My very first RPF fic, Supernatural or otherwise. Two of my online fandom friends basically TOLD me I was going to write Teacher/Student J2, and I kept protesting that I drew the line at RPF. They didn't care. 200k later, here we are. This story was a game changer for me; it made me fandom famous. I still love those boys with my whole heart, and they still talk to me sometimes.

Stranger Than Fiction (Sam/Dean, 50644 words) - This story idea took root immediately following the episode The Monster at the End of This Book. I quit the Big Bang I'd already begun writing for that year (which was Who Watches Over Me, which I finished and posted for BB the following year) to write this story. It just took hold hold of me and took over. I wrote it in 6 weeks and it was easily the most fun I ever had writing anything--I cackled like a madwoman most of the time.

Who Watches Over Me (J2 RPF, 96591 words) - This story was, at the time, the toughest thing I'd ever written. Little did I know that would become the norm and not the exception, as I began to write more complex stories. It was by far the longest story I had ever posted all at once in its entirety (rather than chapter by chapter) and I had no idea if people would like it. Fortunately a lot of people did.

Like Staring Into the Sun (Sam/Dean, 23243 words) - Ah, my very first hardcore Wincest fic. I remember writing the first chapter of the story (meant to be a one shot honestly), and just sitting there, at 5am, being terrified to post it. It was twisted, dark and intense and SO porny I was scared people might think I was weird. There wasn't anything like it out there at the time. As it turns out, people loved it so much I ended up writing eight more parts.

Like a Fish Out of Water (Sam/Dean, 59498 words) - I have a lot of love for this story. It didn't come to me easily, but it was fun to write. I remember smiling a lot and just having a nice, warm cozy feeling the whole time. I had no idea if anyone was interested in reading this many words of what amounted to a dramedy curtain fic

Of course there are other stories that I feel deserve love, but I can't argue with these.

5) Do you respond to comments, why or why not?

I do. And by that, I mean I try. I don't always succeed in answering them all, but I answer as many as I have time and energy for. Life is busy and there is writing to do as well. I read every comment I get (multiple times) and I feel guilty for all the ones I don't answer, because they mean SO MUCH TO ME. Like you took time to leave this beautiful, well thought out comment, or even a keysmash, or a heart, in response to something I wrote. That means the world.

I WISH there was a reaction function for comments on Ao3, so I could heart things, or laugh in response. Replying with emojis without words feels weird. So yeah, a reaction function would be amazing. But in the meantime, I do my best.

6) What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending?

Hmm. Probably A Touch of Evil. Interestingly, it's also a HAPPY ending, so there you go lol. It's a serial killer love story with a happy ending that comes at an exorbitant price.

8) Do you write crossovers? If so what is the craziest one you’ve written?

I'm not sure why the OG post skips from 6 to 8 lol . So, yes, I have written a few minors crossovers. Mostly Faith in the SPN verse with the boys, nothing too crazy, because she fits right in. But for long stories, I have written all of ONE crossover. It's Dean Winchester/Jax Teller (SPN / Sons of Anarchy). My crossovers so far have tended to make sense to crossover, so I don't think any of them are crazy.

9) Have you ever received hate on a fic?

Yes. I got some hate on a Buffy/Xander fic back in the day. I got really excited and had fun with it. Like yeah, now I'm SOMEBODY! You're no one til someone hates you lol Most of that was people who were haters of the ship, or were like, gross, they're like brother and sister (they weren't, they were FRIENDS). I've gotten nasty comments here and there on some of my SPN fic. My favorite was the person who accused me of having a "Top Dean Agenda". I STILL laugh about that one. I don't respond to that crap.

10) Do you write smut? If so what kind?

Have you MET ME? LOL If I ever post a story without smut just put me out to pasture, because I'm done. And all kinds. Het, Gay, PWP, Plotty porn, mostly super kinky but some vanilla (but intense). I used to challenge myself regularly to see if I could up my kink game--like hmm, but could I write THIS? I haven't written really kinky sex in a long time, though. Might be time to do that.

11) Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Several times. Who Watches Over me was stolen by someone and converted to One Direction Lourry fic. Literally just did a name change. Someone else stole a bunch of my one shots and passed them off as their own. I know there were a couple other instances but I only vaguely remember. I never got too deep into it, most of the time the people who discovered the theft already told everyone else too, and the plagiarist had been hammered by them so hard that I didn't have to step in before they took it down.

12) Have you ever had a fic translated?

Yes. I used to get requests so often that I just posted my usual response in my profile for people to read instead of replying. Definitely into Russian and Chinese for most of the stories listed with most kudos above.

13) Have you ever co-written a fic before?

A few times on one shot fics. SO MUCH FUN. I love co-writing with people.

14) What’s your all time favorite ship?

Sam/Dean. Easily. Hands down. I just love their unique relationship, bond and love so much.

15) What’s a WIP that you want to finish but don’t think you ever will?

Well I finally finished A Touch of Evil after posting 3 chapters in 2009 and never touching it again until 2017. And I never thought I'd finish that. So never say never, I say. That said, there's the third and final part of my X-Men comic book epic that remains unfinished by about five (shorter) chapters, and it HAUNTS ME. But I don't think I'll ever finish it.

16) What are your writing strengths?

NOW we get to the hard questions. I'm really good at dialogue, bouncing banter back and forth between characters, and I have a sense for how long a scene should be. I just KNOW when it's going on too long, even if there's more that needs to be said, and I try to tighten it up in that case.

A friend of mine once told me "Porn is my gift". I don't write as much of it as I used to, but yeah, I shine in that area.

17) What are your writing weaknesses?

So I always reach a point after writing so many words in an unpublished fic where I'm like, I have no idea if this is even any good/makes sense/hangs together etc. Beyond that, I've been writing for so long that I've had so much practice that I've strengthened a lot of my weaknesses. I'm sure I still have some, but I don't FEEL them like I used to anymore. That said, there are things I simply will not write. Like historical pieces. Because I would research the fuck out of every detail trying to get it perfect and then I would still doubt myself completely.

18) What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

I mostly try to avoid it, because there's no way I would ever get the language correct. I usually write it in English and then explain that they're saying it in another language. Like, "What are you doing?" the man asks, speaking in Chinese. Then reiterate in the continuing dialogue in various ways that they're speaking in Chinese.

19) What was the first fandom you wrote for?

X-Men Comic Book fandom. I was reading a lot of Remy/Rogue fic back in 1996-1997, and one day I was like, you know what? This person did a pretty good job on this story. It's not great, but it's pretty good, and if they can have the guts to put it out there, then I can do it, too.

20) What’s your favorite fic you’ve written?

This is a tough question. I don't love all my children equally, but I love them all a lot in different ways lol

Remembering favorite is different than which one I think is BEST... Homework Verse is probably my favorite. I was learning so much about writing then, I was really growing, and discovering, and pushing my limits. Those characters lived and breathed in me, I swear they spoke through me from some alternate universe. They feel so REAL to me. There's so much of what I've learned in life in that story, like really, big, life changing ideas and understandings that happened to me that I put into that story. There's so much of me in that story, and yet there's so much of THEM, too. It's their story, but it's also mine. It's raw and not entirely perfect and it feels like home to me.

--

So that's it, that's my piece. I feel like EVERYONE has been tagged since it took me 3 days to have time to do this, but I'm basically tagging any of you writers out there who haven't done this yet!

[deeranger]

Fic Writer Questions!

@oddsocksandstuff tagged me in this, thank you so much, sweetie!  ❤️

 1) How many works do you have on AO3? I’ve got 40 so far (of which 25 are SPN fics). There’s more to come! 

2) What’s your total AO3 word count? 486,667, apparently. That tells me each of my fics has an average wordcount of 12,166.675… Seems about right. I was never any good at keeping things short.

3) How many fandoms have you written for and what are they? Uhh… On AO3 I’ve written for Supernatural, Supernatural RPF, X-men (Cherik) and McFassy (James McAvoy/Michael Fassbender). But I’ve written a lot when I was younger that has never made it online, including NCIS, Pirates of the Caribbean, and lots of weird one-shorts starring everyone from Michael J. Fox to Kevin Sorbo from “Hercules: The Legendary Journeys”. 🤨  

4) What are your top 5 fics by kudos? “A Lesson to be Taught” – an SPN Wincest pwp fic where a dominant Dean fucks (and spanks) Sam and they discover that Dean apparently has a daddy!kink. Comes with a photo manipulation too! There be dick.    

“Taking Game” – a semi-dark medieval Cherik (Charles Xavier/Erik Lehnsherr from X-men) AU. Basically, Charles is a poacher hunting on king Erik’s land to his great dismay. And so, he’s captured and gets the choice between losing his life or serving the king for a bit… Dubcon and smut ensues.   “Only Like This” – a little SPN Wincest dub-con fic about hopelessly pining Dean doping Sam just so he can touch and kiss his oblivious little brother. It’s okay. Sam won’t remember when he comes to.   “It’s Only Carnal” – A dark SPN Wincest noncon fic where soulless!Sam needs to blow off some steam. And when it comes to carnal activities his brother isn’t exactly a novice – so why not use Dean’s body to make them both feel good?   “Demonized” – a long and dark af SPN noncon fic written in collaboration with the awesome @palishere. Sam is captured by some nasty demons who use him to lure in his brother. At first it seems the demonic scumbags are just really perverted and have a weakness for sexual torture, but they turn out to have ulterior motives…  

5) Do you respond to comments, why or why not? Yes, always. I think it can be a bit demotivating for a reader to leave a comment and get zero response – and so, they might not bother to comment on the next fic. At least, that’s how I feel personally. And besides, I really want to let readers know that I appreciate them taking the time and effort to actually tell me what they think.  

6) What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending? Oufff… Seriously? How can I possibly pick just one when 99.8 percent of my fics are not only dark af but have gut-wrenching ambiguous endings as well? I, err… I’m gonna have to think really hard about this one, hold on… *Insert buzzing cicada sound*… Uhh… Well, I guess it might be… “Play or Pay” – a dark female!reader-insert Wincest fic where demon!Dean has you and Sam trapped somewhere underground. Sam ends up being on the receiving end of the demon’s cruelty when he tries to save you. Using Dean’s body the demon ends up raping Sam while the reader tries to escape to get help... There’s a little twist in the end. Loads of dead dove here, including death (not Dean or Sam).     “The Orange Hour” – where undercover inmate!Dean has to rape CO!Sam in order to save both of their lives and get them out of the jail in one piece. It doesn’t go completely as planned. (Comes with an nsfw photo manipulation).  “Demonized” – loads of bottom!Sam torture, full of hurt and absolutely no comfort... It’s just… I dunno, I think I and @palishere had a collective meltdown in the noncon and angst department. Sorrynotsorry.      

8) Do you write crossovers? If so what is the craziest one you’ve written? Nope, I’ve never in my life written a crossover. Usually, I’m too laser-focused on 1 obsession at a time. I can’t multitask, okay?   

9) Have you ever received hate on a fic? Yes, the fandom purity police has visited me on AO3. The usual self-proclaimed know-it-alls vomiting their bullshit all over the comment section about how “problematic” noncon is and how “sick” I must be. I thought about moderating comments for a while, actually – but I just deleted their follow-up comments until they left me alone. ��

10) Do you write smut? If so what kind? Yes!! Gimme! Usually, I write noncon smut or just good ol’ pwps that feature some sort of dominance. That’s it. That’s my jam. In general, the only smut I don’t write is the cute, fluffy, feel-good, cuddly stuff… My smut’s usually pretty rough and/or some sort of dub/noncon.

11) Have you ever had a fic stolen? Yes. Someone stole “It’s Only Carnal” and posted it as her own on some Portuguese fanfiction site. She even replied to comments, answered questions and talked about how much she loved writing it, etc… Luckily a sweet mutual on Tumblr let me know about it and I reported her for plagiarism. The stolen fic was taken down shortly after and the account deleted. Goddamn thief. 😡  

12) Have you ever had a fic translated? Yes. Honestly, I can’t remember which fic(s). But people have contacted me on AO3 and asked for permission to translate my stuff into Chinese. I have - of course - happily allowed them to. It’s such an awesome compliment to get, I think!  

13) Have you ever co-written a fic before? Yes, 2. “Demonized” and the fluffy Ficfacers prompt fic “The Masks We Wear” starring Sam and Dean taking their pranks a step too far. Basically, the brothers get angry with each other and they need to talk it out… No smut in this one, can you believe it?!! But that was kinda the prompt we received. The prompt was literally: “Sam and fluff”. Anyways, both fics are co-written with the lovely @palishere. You can find her AO3 here. 😊

14) What’s your all time favorite ship? Wincest!!! Definitely. Gimme all the brotherfucking, please. No contest. And coming in on second place I guess there’s Samifer – never paired consensually, though. I just love Lucifer messing with Sam’s head and torturing him in all kinds of cruel ways.    

15) What’s a WIP that you want to finish but don’t think you ever will? Oh, that’s a mean question… I have a noncon WIP where Sam and Dean are in prison. I wrote a whole story outline, gathered my own little dictionary of prison slang, etc… But I never made it past page 10 or something. Sam was supposed to get jumped by a gang of inmates and then Dean was supposed to helplessly watch from the sideline, offering to trade places if they’d just leave his little brother alone… And after that it’s all about a mix of healing and vengeance… But the story has been lying on the shelf for more than a year and I doubt I’ll ever continue it. Oh, wait! I almost forgot – I have a long Cherik WIP sequel to “To Have and to Hold”! Just checked, its wordcount is 18,729! Holy crap…. What a waste, huh? But I honestly don’t think I’ll ever finish it, because I’m not into Cherik anymore. That ship has kinda sunk for me…. So, now I’m hyperfixating on Supernatural, yeah?     

16) What are your writing strengths? Description, I think. I just love details and setting the mood. I like to think I’m pretty good at writing in English too even though it isn’t my native language… I wish to be better and expand my vocabulary but I’m doing okay nonetheless.

17) What are your writing weaknesses? Description, I think. Yes, you read correctly. I often describe things TOO much. Sometimes to the extent where the pacing gets so slowed down that I feel like the scene loses its ‘feel’. I don’t know if it’s just in my head, but that’s my major concern about my writing. That and my signature ambiguous endings, lol.

18) What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic? Love it. It can be difficult to pull off, but if you get it right it can be magical. Just don’t overdo it and make sure that the reader can follow. I don’t think I have any fics online where I do it, but I’m not a complete stranger to it either.

19) What was the first fandom you wrote for? Ack, my poor brain trying to go back to when I was friggin’ 13… You know how many years ago that was?! 25!!! Okay!? *Huffs*…. Anyway, I THINK it might’ve been Keanu Reeves’ character in “Johnny Mnemonic”. Or maybe David James Elliott’s character as Harmon Rabb in the early seasons of “JAG”. I dunno. Either way this question makes me feel really old and I don’t appreciate it. Don’t @ me. 😅   

20) What’s your favorite fic you’ve written? That’s probably a tie between “The Orange Hour” and “It’s Only Carnal”. They’ve both got nice pacing and that’s my biggest challenge, I think. Also, I love the whole Morse code thing in “The Orange Hour”. I don’t even know what happened or how I came up with it, but hey, I can surprise myself if I want to, I guess! And of course there’s the smutty noncon and all of the hurt… So, those two fics are my personal faves. 😏  

I’ll tag @jackandthesoulmates, @pinkoptics, @palishere, @wrenseroticlibrary, @decadent-prince, @negans-lucille-tblr, @juinae and @impala-dreamer and everyone else who feels like doing it! Feel free to ignore, of course. 

[spnfanficpond]

March 2021 Angel Fish Awards

(Angel Fish design by @slytherkins!!)

WELCOME TO THIS MONTH’S ANGEL FISH AWARDS!

Every month all of you fantastic writers work your asses off to post some truly incredible stories. Our Angel Fish Awards are the way for all of us, as a community of writers and readers, to lift each other up and give praise to those who have captured our attention and deserve a few kind words.

The monthly Angel Fish Awards are peer-nominated, meaning ANYONE IN THE POND CAN NOMINATE ANY POND MEMBER’S FIC. Everyone in this community deserves to be showered with love and feedback, and we hope that this fun, thoughtful award will do just that.

Be sure to read through this whole post as people who were nominated more than once only had one tag activated for tumblr tagging purposes!

WITHOUT FURTHER ADO, HERE ARE THIS MONTH’S ANGEL FISH AWARDS!

Nominated by @mrswhozeewhatsis

A Gentlemen’s Agreement (series) by @stusbunker 

This is one of those fics that immediately got love from me because it’s a rare pair, Dean x Benny. Then, it got more love from me with every chapter, as Dean worked through coming to terms with wanting Benny and Benny was just so damn patient and sweet and loving throughout. The whole story just makes me want to cuddle them both! 

Here’s to Witches by @imagineteamfreewill 

This is one of the few cases where I think even Dean would have been okay with witches. (He’s not in the story, it’s a Sam x reader fic, but if he were, I doubt he’d be bitching about bodily fluids.) By the end of this, I was feeling all kinds of warm and fuzzy!

~*~*~

Nominated by @supernatural-jackles 

Late Night Talks by @luci-in-trenchcoats 

This fic is everything I didn't know I needed. It deals with such a sensitive topic in a positive light. Michelle is very good at dealing with topics that people aren't always comfortable talking about and this only proves that. It's a must read, especially for all of those who are down on themselves because of the way they look.

~*~*~

Nominated by @fictionalabyss 

Safe and Sound by @iflostreturntosteverogers 

you bitch, how DARE you do me like this with your romeo/juliet level shit. I refuse. I refuuuuuuuuse.

Moose on Ice by @iflostreturntosteverogers 

Fluffy goodness and the imagery of a giant trying and failing to skate are exactly what I needed.

Bound to You (Prequel - chapter 4) by @beskaradberoya

Sketchy and filthy goodness so far, and I can’t wait to get to more of this and catch up.

Burnout by @idreamofhazeleyes 

When I had a really bad week, I was on the hunt for something fluffy and sweet, and went to the pond. This was sent my way, and damn if it wasn’t EXACTLY what I needed. The tender comfort was perfection and spot on for Dean. 10/10 would recommend.

~*~*~

Nominated by @negans-lucille-tblr 

Sleep by @nasabeck 

I’ve not been into fluff long, but this was all up in those tingly fluffy feels for me. I absolutely adored it!

Dreams by @little-diable 

Please read the warnings, it’s Sister!Reader! But this has become one of my favourite fics I’ve ever read. Chiara nailed it and made me fall in love with her for it! The smut - Jesus, just read it if it’s your type of thing!

Don’t Speak by @hoboal87 

Again, please read the warnings. This is a dark fic! I couldn’t believe this was the writer’s first time writing dark. It was absolutely delicious. Never hit a follow button so damn fast!

Dirty Little Secrets (series) by @manawhaat 

Wouldn’t have felt right not including this drabble series that I found during founders’ week. As you might have seen if you follow me, my sanity took a sharp decline whilst devouring this fic, and I was not okay. Mana, you freaking hit it out the park dude!! Everyone needs to read this, PLEASE!

~*~*~

Nominated by @tvdspngirl314 

Baby Mine by @hoboal87​ 

I was seriously hurt by the finale but this fic actually helped me cope with it.

My review : This fic starts with reader having contractions as she got ready to give birth to her and Sam’s son. How Sam handled the situation was really cute and the way the writer showed the pain of losing Dean was actually really good. I was half expecting myself to cry but I didn’t. Also there’s some hints of dom Sam in it. Love me some dom Sam.

Safe (series) by @negans-lucille-tblr 

My views on the fic : It starts with Sam’s girl friend Jess dying and Sam slowly starts to discover a dark side in him. He slowly becomes a serial killer and I liked the way how the dark theme has been handled.

~*~*~

Nominated by @princessmisery666​ 

Always With You by @idreamofplaid​ 

Robin, finally, made a master list and in doing so I’ve been able to find some absolute gems that I may have missed previously. Like this one. I looooove this concept of an Angel looking over Sam. It’s was angsty and heart warming and I would read 50k more words of this relationship 💖💜

~*~*~

Nominated by @deanwinchesterswitch​ 

Whiskey and Scars (series) by @thinkinghardhardlythinking​ 

This is a three part series full of fluff and sexiness, with just a tad bit of angst. Some of Dean’s fun and gentler facets are beautifully detailed. He’s flirty, shy, tender, loving and sexy as hell. I dare you not to sigh while reading it.

~*~*~

Nominated by @agenthellcat​ 

All Hail by @whywhydoyouwantmetosaymyname​ 

This fic pushed all my buttons: dubcon, domination, submission, kneeling, deep throating, begging to cum. The writing is so descriptive. We really feel Y/N’s ambivalence. She is terrified to see Sam turn dark side, but she also wants him. He knows all of her naughty desires, and he uses them to bind her to him forever. He’s completely uninhibited now that he’s dark, and this ultimately conquers her resistance. This fic played into my own dark desires and that’s why I’m nominating it for an Angel Fish Award.

~*~*~

Nominated by @myinconnelly1​ 

When Daddy’s Not Around (series) by @negans-lucille-tblr​ 

I don’t usually read rpf but I needed some hot Jared action and this fic didn’t just deliver that. The angst and overwhelming love in this fic was just amazing.

Murder of the Virgins by @mummybear​ 

This was just so hot!!!!!!! I can’t talk cause I’m panting and trying to catch my breath!

Loving You by @emilyshurley​ 

Emily man... you were trying to hurt me with this fic I just know it.  I know cause I can feel the knife in my back, so many tears.

THANK YOU ALL FOR THE AWESOME WORK AND GREAT FEEDBACK!

These are not actual awards! This system is set up so everyone in the Pond has a chance to share the love and promote a fic/author that has grabbed your attention. The more people that participate, and the more everyone remembers to submit their own fics after posting, the better this will be :D

THANK YOU ALL AGAIN, KEEP UP THE AMAZING WORK, AND AS ALWAYS, HAPPY WRITING!

[scottspack]

SO YOU JUST FINISHED THE UNTAMED AND YOU WANT TO READ SOME FIC

Congratulations Jen @jlf23tumble on finishing The Untamed (tomorrow)! Now that you’re done with the show (tomorrow), you can finally dive into the wide and wonderful world of untamed fic!!! I’m ecstatic to be personally curating your reading experience! LET’S BEGIN!

I’ve started off with a list of 5 fics I think you should read in this specific order to 1. get some resolution from the end of the show and 2. get you acclimated to untamed fics! Then, I’ve listed a bunch of fics in different categories for your perusal to read at your leisure! This is an unbelievably long post holy shit brace yourself.

I’m like fairly certain that all of these follow the tv show canon BUT also its very typical for authors to combine many aspects of all of the different forms of canons to their liking. Therefore, I feel like I need to give a quick explanation of a couple things from the novel that show up frequently in fics that idk if you know already or not:

In the book, when Wei Wuxian is resurrected, he is brought back in Mo Xuanyu’s actual body and has his face and everything. Mo Xuanyu was pretty young when he died, I wanna say maybe 17 or 18??? and he was also short and pretty and flamboyantly gay. This is where the references to their crazy height difference come from, but again, I think I tried to include mostly fics that skew more heavily to the tv version where WWX keeps his same body and he and LWJ are more evenly matched physically.

Its novel canon that LWJ smells like sandalwood incense and has golden colored eyes. This is mentioned in like almost every single wangxian fic ive ever read, even if the author said they were strictly adhering to show canon lol

At the end of the novel wangxian run away together and elope! Obviously in the show that’s not how it goes down, but I think a couple of the fics I’ve recced might mention it in passing. (Oh also when they elope they make a pact to fuck “everyday,” a concept that might be mentioned as well.

Obviously, we have to kick it off with some fics that both reunite wangxian and give more resolution to the actual show. If you’re like me, it both took you a while to get all the way through the show AND took 100% of your brain power to remember all of the characters and plot lines. If that’s that case: these fics should be helpful in serving as a kind of emotional refresher for the show to wrap up some loose ends and to dive deeper into some of the things the show glosses over for one reason or another!

1. A Lot of Edges Called Perhaps by hansbekhart (Wangxian, E, 21k) 

The funny part is - and it is a little funny, even if Wei Wuxian has no one left to share the joke with - they never have. Not anything. He has never kissed any part of Lan Zhan besides his slim hands; never been even partially undressed with him anywhere besides a miserable, xuanwu-infested cave. It’s always been like this between them, this simmering need, this desperate understanding: a knowledge so deep that it lives somewhere in his bones, that if he wanted to have Lan Zhan he could have him, and if Lan Zhan wanted Wei Wuxian he could have that too. But they never have.

I found this fic on someone’s blog when they said that it was the definitive fic to read directly after finishing the series so i saved it, read it directly after finishing the series, and felt COMPLETE. Beautifully written, seamlessly fits with canon, and has a super fulfilling resolution. The perfect way to kick off reading untamed fic!

2. One Rogue Spark In My Direction by hansbekhart (Lan Wangji/Xiao Xingchen/Song Lan, E, 5k)

He’d thought, in Yueyang, that they’d seen something in each other, something familiar. That maybe they’d recognized something in him. But it’s been many years, and many things have happened since, and he’s guessed wrongly at other people’s hearts before. Lan Wangji looks back down at the table, at his steaming, bitter tea. He’ll beg if he has to.

In “A Lot Of Edges Called Perhaps” Wangji mentions that he has had sex before and this is the in-universe story of that time and WHEW BABY!!!! AHHHHHH!!! While this fic is like, almost pure smut, I think there is a ton of value to it in terms of emotional perspective on how fucked up LWJ was after WWX’s death. Also, it’s very hot.

3. Gathered Herbs & Sweet Grasses by hansbekhart (Laz Sizhui & Lan Wangji, G, 19k)

Later, when he’s older, it’s this that A-Yuan will remember most: the stretch of silence, the two of them both dirty and shaking with fever, as he looked at Brother Rich, and Brother Rich looked back at him.

This is a fic about Lan Wangji raising Sizhui from when he rescues Sizhui from the Burial Mounds until they bring WWX back to the Cloud Recesses after he’s resurrected. It made me cry about 18 times and I consider it fully canon in relation to the show. I think this gives a lot of emotional depth to the Wangji/Sizhui family relationship that is very important in most fics, so this acts as a good base since the show doesn’t really talk about it too much.

4. Your Name, Safe In Their Mouth by astrolesbian (Lan Sizhui & Wei Wuxian, G, 10k)

“You’ve got a fever,” Wei Wuxian says soothingly. “You just keep still as well as you can. We’ll have you fixed up soon.”

Lan Sizhui recognizes his tone—this is the voice that Wei Wuxian uses on hurt people and young children, a very calm and no-nonsense voice that has none of the mischief and cheer of the way he sounds the rest of the time. Lan Sizhui looks up and meets his eyes, and they are dark, stormy gray, muddled and concerned.

“I’m all right,” he croaks.

“Hush,” Wei Wuxian says, in a low croon, like someone quieting a baby. Then he blinks, and looks away, awkward. “I mean—you shouldn’t speak. You’re tired. Rest if you need to.”

or: lan sizhui gets sick on a night hunt. wei wuxian comforts him. they both have a lot of feelings about it.

The Wei Wuxian and Sizhui bonding fic that I so desperately desperately needed to read. Since we got the emotional depth to Wangji/Sizhui in the last fic, here’s some emotional resolution for Sizhui and his other dad!!!!!!!!!! Scratched the very particular itch of “but have they REALLY talked about what it means that they’re reunited after 16 years???”

5. climbing up that coastal shelf by Sour_Idealist (Jin Ling, Jiang Cheng, & Wei Wuxian, T, 15k)

Jin Ling had begun to suspect years ago that there were parts of his family history that had been crossed out; long streaks of black where Wei Wuxian had been. The truth is more like whole books being brought up from their hiding places again.

Or: Jin Ling tries to figure out what family means, now.

OKAY!!!! Last emotional resolution before I send you on your way to explore! This is the emotional resolution for the other half of WWX’s family. Featuring just a FUCK TON of family feels and a lot of TALKING that this fucked up family needs so damn bad. *chefs kiss* muy delicioso! ALSO i think this is a good introduction to a lot of the naming conventions that are used frequently in untamed fic that took me a while to pick up on!

WHEW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Now that you’ve gotten some post-show catharsis in the form of a few extremely well-written fics, it’s time for a full rec! I’ve divided it up into seven categories: long fics, smutty one-shots, 3zun (lan xichen/nie mingjue/meng yao) fics, fics about the juniors, family fun fics, some miscellaneous fics, and then some yizhan RPF! I wouldn’t have put any of these fics on here if I didn’t think they were worth reading, BUT! I did mark my particular favorites with asterisks to demark the crème de la crème of the bunch. SO! LET’S DIVE IN!

EPIC TALES (LONG AND/OR IMMERSIVE)

My Age Has Never Made Me Wise by idrilka (Wangxian, E, 63k) ***

“We hear that His Excellency might be married by summer’s end,” the merchant’s wife says and Wei Wuxian freezes, his heart in his throat. “The Gusu Lan sect has been buying enough red silk and brocade that the merchants in Caiyi can’t satisfy the demand.”

He feels himself grow brittle inside, like a flick of a finger to his temple might make him shatter. His ears are ringing.

“Who’s the lucky bride?” he asks despite himself. His tongue sticks to the roof of his mouth.

Or: The story of a marriage.

I LOVE THIS FIC. YOU MUST PROMISE ME YOU’LL READ THIS FIC. The absolute best kind of slow burn and I think such an extremely accurate representation of the canon material. I’m always surprised by the authors in this fandom’s ability to write shit that is so concretely grounded in the universe. This could and should be a real companion novel. Amazing. I love it. (Also I know you said you’re not into fics that are long just to be long and I think this fic is the exact opposite of that, it’s long but for good reason and has such an insanely satisfying payoff that it’s completely worth dedicating a few hours to!)

The Year of Drought by idrilka (Wangxian, E, 24k)

Wei Ying could not be contained by the walls of the Cloud Recesses, alive again and overflowing with it, bursting like a dam in spring with the force of two lives unspent. And so he had to go. Lan Wangji understands that—he understood it when Wei Ying told him of his plans, looking at Lan Wangji above the rim of his cup with an apologetic smile, like craving freedom was something to apologize for.

Wei Ying would go, and Lan Wangji would see him off; this has always been the only way it could be.

Or: In the absence of Wei Wuxian, Lan Wangji waits.

The previous fic but from Wangji’s perspective. Absolutely required reading if you read the other one. Wangji baby.......i love you.....

further than the grave by idrilka (Wangxian, E, 32k)

There is something about grief that turns Lan Wangji numb. He cannot be certain if it is not some kind of defect inside him that makes him so. But just as he grieved his mother’s passing with dry eyes and a stone in his chest, so he grieves Wei Ying: quietly, frozen inside, without tears. Beyond the Jingshi window it might be spring, but Lan Wangji’s body and mind are still held within the winter’s grasp.

As the anniversary of his leaving seclusion approaches, Lan Wangji ponders the nature of grief and healing.

One last fic from the same verse as the previous two, this talks about Wangji post-WWX’s death and then them dealing with the past post-marriage. Its just as good and immersive and amazing as the previous two parts, but this is the only untamed fic that actually made me gasp out loud and if you read this and can guess what it was we will be best friends forever. (There are two other fics in this verse that are also good but these three in particular are god-tier in my eyes.)

Vagabond by xantissa (Wangxian, E, 66k)

Wei Wuxian comes back to Cloud Recesses after a year of wandering the world, hoping to start a relationship with Lan Zhan. He doesn’t expect to come into the middle of a case of sleeping sickness mysteriously killing people, nor does he expect what follows, putting everything he holds dear on the line once again.

OOOWEE CASE FIC! CASE FIC! This is truly the twisty turny intense and INTERESTING type of fic from this fandom that blows my mind. This could fully be a stand alone novel its that good and there’s that much to it. Another one that isn’t long just to be long, it has so much PLOT!!!!! REAL GOOD SHIT!

Seldom All They Seem by Fahye (Wangxian, E, 25k)

or, one hundred and thirty-three principles of the Gusu Lan, pertaining to the state of marriage

***

He bows to Wei Wuxian, sword in hand, sleeves falling properly. Wei Wuxian bows in return, and the sect leaders begin the opening courtesies, and for all of ten minutes Lan Wangji is under the impression that he is betrothed to a boy who is perfectly normal and acceptable apart from an unfortunate tendency to fidget with his clothes.

That impression does not last.

A canon-divergent fic exploring “what if Lan Wangji and Wei Wuxian were betrothed from when they were young like Yanli and Jin Zixuan?” It’s extremely good and very compelling and also made me cry multiple times. (The confrontation in the rain doesn’t get any easier even if they’re betrothed!)

Half Cloak & Half Dagger by Fahye (Lan Xichen/Meng Yao, E, 13k)

Jin Guangyao lifts his head and smiles. "I'm considering a problem."

"Can I be of any assistance with it?"

He drops a kiss on Lan Xichen's chest. With the nail of one finger he lightly traces the characters for irony on Lan Xichen's side. "Not this one, er-ge."

A follow-up fic set in the “Seldom All They Seem” universe but focused on xiyao. Has hands down the best written characterization of meng yao in any fic ive read so far. I continuously come back to this fic just to read the absolutely genius way this author writes the Head Bitch In Control of the cultivation world.

The Absolutely True Story of the Yiling Patriarch: A Manifesto in Many Parts by aubreyli (Wangxian, T, 20k)

Wei Wuxian’s hand jolts, spilling a drop of wine onto the tabletop. “Love?” he croaks, then clears his throat and tries again. “Lan Zh— uh, Hanguang-jun, in love?”

“Have you not heard the story?” the other young woman asks, looking pitying. “You must, it is a truly heartrending tale of star-crossed romance and mutual pining — go to any storyhouse in town, everyone has been requesting a reading of this book.”

“There’s a book?” Wei Wuxian says blankly.

In which the junior disciples (namely, Lan Jingyi, Ouyang Zizhen, and a reluctant Lan Sizhui) turn to RPF in an attempt to rehabilitate Wei Wuxian's reputation so that he and Hanguang-jun can get together and get married and live happily ever after. It's... surprisingly effective.

I kept avoiding this fic, even though it was really high up on the list of most popular fics in the fandom, bc the premise sounded pretty goofy BUT I finally bit the bullet one day and AHHHHHHHH!!!!! Very very very cute and fun, made me smile like an idiot throughout the entire thing. Heartwarming and very well written!!!

never let me go by yiqie (Wangxian, E, 69k)

Wei Wuxian has certainly hoped so ardently in his two lifetimes, for so many different things, in so many different ways, that he could have summoned the demon to his front door with his bare hands. His eyes wander to Lan Zhan, settle on the back of his head, the blue-black curtain of his hair. Oh, how he has hoped.

Another extremely good and super immersive case fic. If you ever just want to sink really deep into an untamed fic, this is a great one for it.

hunters seeking solid ground by Attila (Wangxian, E, 24k)

“Hanguang-jun,” Wei Wuxian repeats. His heart clenches. He wants—but he’d really meant to have this nightmare stuff down before they met again, so he wouldn’t find himself relying on Lan Wangji’s nearness. He’s not supposed to go back yet. But he’s so tired, and his will crumbles. “Yeah,” he says. “All right. Take me back to Gusu with you.”

You want hurt/comfort? I gotcha hurt/comfort RIGHT HERE!

shadows in the sun rise by Yuu_chi (Wangxian, E, 25k) ***

“Wei Ying,” Lan Wangji says, voice slow and a pitch too quiet. A second later Wei Wuxian understands why. “I cannot hear.”

Or; Lan Wangji is cursed into internal isolation. Their ability to understand one another remains as unwavering as ever.

OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD. I have been thinking about this fic nonstop since I read it. It is…..fucking incredible. One of the best qualities of wangxian is that they’re so in tune with each other and able to work so cohesively with little communication and this fic is like “what if we take that and DIAL IT UP TO ELEVEN” and i was like AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!

I hope that you will come and meet me by feyburner (Wangxian, M, 28k) ***

The second time Lan Zhan said Wei Ying, come back, Wei Wuxian did.

okay so this is literally getting added to the fic rec one day before i send it to you because i just finished it and WHEW BABY!!!!! YES it is just another wangxian post-canon reunion get-together fic, BUT 1. i cant get enough of that specific brand of fic and 2. ITS SO GOOD. ITS. SO. GOOD. achingly tender and incredibly soft but also funny and sweet and very in-character! i love it!

THE BONE ZONE (WANGXIAN SMUT)

Sweet Night by corteae (Wangxian, E, 10k)

It was like coming back to life again, like being restitched into existence, cell by cell, nerve by nerve. From the surface of his skin to the marrow of his bones, everything new and purposeful. Like being pulled back from oblivion into an embrace of pure light. A feeling of absolute asylum.

That’s what it felt like, to realize Lan Wangji was in love with him.

An in-show au of “what if they just admitted they’re in love and fucked during episode 43?” Soft and romantic and hot!

the crucial point by dissembler (Wangxian, E, 7k) ***

Months after parting on the mountain, Lan Wangji makes up his mind, plots his course on a map, and has faith.

I LOVE THIS FIC! Very realistic and sweet wangxian reunion fic from wangji’s perspective. Has so many good little details and is very true to their characters. Good shit. Great.

Stainless by Fahye (Wangxian, E, 6k)

"I'm starting to feel," says Lan Xichen, "that this was a counterproductive suggestion."

Wei Wuxian looks down onto the pristine, tranquil cold springs of the Cloud Recesses. Sitting in the water, their bare shoulders rising like dumplings carefully spaced in a steaming-basket, are a large number of Lan disciples.

"They seem to be doing better," he says, encouragingly. "If they--oh, no, I see what you mean."

At the near bank, someone has pressed someone else against the rocks and is kissing them frantically.

What is getting into a new pairing if not an excuse to read sex pollen in new and exciting ways!

To Recklessly Confess by la_dissonance (Wangxian, E, 8k)

Lan Wangji has a fantasy. Wei Wuxian gets several clues.

The “what if they just fucked in episode 43” au but from a different angle.

all the depths of me, real by northofallmusic (Wangxian, E, 15k)

Wei Wuxian is dealing with a curse a little worse than he'd like to let on, and Lan Zhan is a little less than willing to let it slide.

Another “what if they just fucked in the show” fic, this time set when WWX has the curse on his leg and Wangji has to carry him back to the inn. 

Every Day, Learning More by phnelt (Wangxian, E, 6k)

The pink was high on Wei Wuxian’s cheeks. “I mean I haven’t been able to… that I can’t. Not without you.”

Lan Wangji stared. “In this body, the whole time you’ve had it -- you’ve never…”

Wei Wuxian kicked his heels into Lan Wangji’s back. “I just said that!”

I knew at least one of these was more book verse than show! WWX hasn’t been able to jerk off in his new body, LWJ helps him out :-)

the meaning of the ritual by newamsterdam (Wangxian, E, 8k)

“Lan Zhan… wants to bed me?”

The hand on his chest is shaking, slightly. “Mn.”

“Oh,” Wei Wuxian breaths out.

There’s something— something powerful, about that. Lan Wangji wants to bed him. Lan Wangji wants to sleep with him. Lan Wangji wants to touch him, and kiss him. The immovable, implacable Second Master of Lan, with a face and principles both carved from jade, wants him.

“Is this a fantasy of yours?” Wei Wuxian asks. “Forcing all the demonic energy out of me with your—”

Lan Wangji claps a hand over his mouth. “Silence, now.”

When the entire cultivation world turns against the Yiling Patriarch, Wei Wuxian makes a risky gamble— he'll agree to participate in an ancient ritual for cleansing the spirit, so that his character can no longer be called into question. The catch? He has no idea who his partner for the ritual will be.

This is also book-verse! As the tag says “Let Lan Wangji Fuck the Yiling Patriarch”!!!!!!!!!!!

Hurricane by gdgdbaby (Wangxian, E, 6k) ***

"Haven't you heard?" Nie Huaisang replied, clicking his tongue, though he was clearly pleased that he could be the one to break the news. He leaned in to announce with a dramatic flourish: "Lan Wangji just took emergency family leave this past weekend."

WANGXIAN AS SPIRK STAR TREK PON FAR AU!!!!!!!!!!!!! WEEWOO WEEWOO WEEWOO!!!!!!!! This was actually recced to ME by CHI and I have not stopped thinking about this fic for a full month. It’s like author gdgdbaby sat down one day and was like “Tumblr user Liv Scottspack deserves everything she wants in this life.” and then wrote this fic. Thank you author gdgdbaby, I love you.

WORLD’S WORST THROUPLE (3ZUN)

The body is a blade by rheawrites (3zun, E, 2k) ***

In which Lan Xichen is taken by surprise, Nie Mingjue takes what he can get, and Meng Yao gets what he wants.

This was the first 3zun fic I ever read and whew baby, got it in one! It’s actually a slight AU but it gets their characterization so right and is a very fun read. One of those fics I go back to frequently because it does so much with so few words.

shang tiantang by fuckwarlock (3zun, E, 4k)

They wanted so much, and with the way A-Yao gasps at the saber-calloused hand unfastening his belts, he does, too. The night air twirls with the scents of osmanthus and cinnamon and melon. Lan Xichen smiles, leans in, and ghosts his lips over the crook of A-Yao’s neck. What kind of brother would he be if he didn’t give A-Yao what he wanted? “I think it’s your turn to ascend, A-Yao.”

The Venerated Triad celebrates the Mid-Autumn Festival the best way they know how.

Truly the only way the venerated triad works is if meng yao gets Destroyed :-)

Favour and Fate by soulgusttheguardian (3zun, E, 8k)

There have been times in Meng Yao’s life when he couldn’t help but wonder how he came to be in his current situation. Found himself reflecting on the choices leading up to whatever misfortune had befallen him that day, and pondering why fate hated him so.

Granted, there had also been times when he couldn't help but wonder just what he had done to earn the favour necessary to be rewarded with certain things...

The current situation he found himself to be in, however, was definitely the latter.

More of the same! Truly I personally can never get enough of the 3zun dynamic in smut fics its just too goddamn motherfucking GOOD!!!!!!!!!!!!

the stars do not take sides by everyearning (3zun, E, 4k)

Mingjue isn’t sure he’s ever seen Xichen do anything other than treat the boy like a porcelain doll and it’s laughable to him, to think of Meng Yao as something breakable, instead of the sharp, deadly object he is.

Okay one last “Destroy Meng Yao” 3zun fic! Enjoy!

never as alive as we are right now by ThirtySixSaveFiles (3zun, E, 12k)

Three perspectives on three sworn brothers, at three different times in their relationship.

(Or, three times 3zun got it on and some of the feelings they had along the way.)

Wait actually I want to end the 3zun fics on this one because it has true Emotional Resolution at the end and I think they deserve a little healing.

BABY BOYS. BABIES. (THE JUNIORS)

A Civil Combpaign by Ariaste (Jin Ling/Lan Sizhui, T, 20k) ***

“And,” said one of the pompous ministers, “there’s the matter of a marriage to consider as well!”

Jin Ling, who at the beginning of that sentence had expected to slam into the very last wall of his patience and lose his temper entirely, paused. “A what?”

Thing was… it wasn’t such a bad idea.

A MUST-FUCKING-READ!!! Jin Ling gets it in his head that as sect leader he should get married and sets his sights on Lan Sizhui. I cannot stress enough how FUCKING CUTE this fic is!!! Sizhui being the best boy! Jin Ling having more uncles than he knows what to do with! Jiang Cheng being the worst at relationship advice! It’s so fucking good it love it so much.

Anyway, Here’s Wuji by kakikaeru (Lan Jingyi/Lan Sizhui, T, 18k)

The melody gets a little clearer when he breaks out of the trees, and Jingyi changes course with certainty, barreling down the back hill and through the Cloud Recesses, dodging scandalized disciples left and right. He throws open the doors to the Receiving Hall without announcement and bows nearly double, eyes on the floor instead of on the shocked faces of the Mei delegation and the impenetrable gaze of the Chief Cultivator.

"Forgive this disciple," Jingyi shouts, because he's going to get punished for rule breaking regardless. "From the back hill, Hanguang-jun, there is a song in the wind!"

Lan Jingyi comes of age.

A Jingyi-central fic about Jingyi growing up and falling in love and being a hero and being the second best boy of my heart right after Sizhui. Not only is this fic sweet and romantic but it’s another one that explores a lot of interesting things within canon and all of the supporting characters are written very well and are just as interesting as second best boy Jingyi.

Ok, JiuJiu by kakikaeru (Jin Ling/Ouyang Zizhen, T, 16k)

Uncle's jaw works in the way that suggests he's about to say something irredeemable. Jin Ling, in a move of diplomacy he hopes the Chief Cultivator appreciates, distracts him with spicy food and his favourite subject: the incompetence of his own officials.

"I hear the lakes in the south east are having drainage problems?" he asks nonchalantly, sticking three big slices of braised pork belly into his Uncle's bowl.

Jin Ling just wants to get through the Discussion Conference with his Sect, his dignity, and his heart intact.

A follow up fic to “Anyways, Here’s Wuji.” I LOVE the Jin Ling/Ouyang Zizhen dynamic of Jin Ling having been raised by Jiang “I keep all my emotions right here and then one day I’ll die” Cheng AND being hopelessly charmed and smitten with Ouyang “President of the I Love Love Romance Novel Book Club” Zizhen! I LOVE IT! EXTREMELY CUTE!

Lan Sizhui's Guide to Courtship by Kimblydot (Lan Sizhui/Lan Jingyi, T, 23k)

In which Jingyi is a little oblivious, Sizhui is patient (and should have said something in the beginning), and everyone else is resigned to watching them dance around each other for far longer than necessary.

(Or: five things Sizhui tries to do in his courtship, and the one time Jingyi realizes there was one happening in the first place.)

I’ll stop describing fics about the juniors as being “cute” when they stop being SO FUCKING CUUUUUUUUUUTTTTTTTEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!

His Merit All My Fear by violettressed (Lan Sizhui/Lan Jingyi, G, 16k)

It’s too late for any of Hanguang-Jun’s rabbits to be awake -- one of the sundown chores for young disciples is to herd them back into their hutch -- but the rabbit field is as good a spot as any for quality sulking, so Lan Jingyi makes his way there.

Someone has beat him to it.

Lan Jingyi stares at Hanguang-Jun. Hanguang-Jun stares passively back.

When Lan Sizhui is swept away with the Ghost General, off on a new adventure, Lan Jingyi is the one who returns to Cloud Recesses alone.

Not only another extremely cute Sizhui/Jingyi fic BUT one that includes a Wangji/Jingyi friendship??? Incroyable! *chefs kiss*

spirit running wild by idrilka (Lan Sizhui/Lan Jingyi, E, 17k)

He doesn’t know, exactly, when the friendship he shared with Sizhui over the years has changed into something that’s made Jingyi finally understand why Hanguang-Jun always wears that expression whenever he looks at Senior Wei. There hasn’t been one single moment that he can point to and say, yes, this is where it started, because the thing about falling in love with your best friend is that it happens gradually, until it’s impossible to tell which step has been the deciding one.

Jingyi goes to Baling with a crush.

Written by the same genius that wrote the first three fics I made you read so you know it’s good. Its truly the childhood best friends to lovers of it all! Sizhui is adorable and Jingyi is a mess! *muah!*

FAMILY FUN TIME (NO ROMANCE, JUST FEELS)

Grow by cafecliche (Lan Sizhui & Wei Wuxian, T, 14k)

“Okay,” Jingyi says, as Sizhui puzzles this out aloud. “Okay! So the demon has been turning its victims into children.”

“I think so,” Sizhui says.

“To make them easier prey,” Jingyi says.

“Yes,” Sizhui says.

“So—” Jingyi’s voice cracks here, “this kid is Senior Wei.”

Wei Wuxian, still tangled in his own massive robes, blinks politely at them.

(Or: Wei Wuxian is cursed on a night-hunt, and the junior quartet rapidly finds themselves in over their heads.)

What I expected to be a goofy, silly fic turned out to be extremely emotional and made me FULLY CRY! It’s a very moving fic about Sizhui coming to understand himself and Wei Wuxian a lot better AND features all of the juniors arguing over who’s turn it is to hold 6 year old Wei Wuxian. A true win/win of a fic.

To The Act of Making Noise by words-writ-in-starlight (Lan Sizhui & Lan Wangji, G, 19k)

His father in white plays the song late into the night, and when A-Yuan wakes up confused and afraid, the guqin lulls him back to sleep.

Lan Sizhui hears his father play the same song every night for his whole life, and never, ever get an answer.

Another very moving and heartwarming fic about Lan Wangji raising Sizhui and Sizhui figuring out Wangji’s past and then eventually reconnecting with Wei Wuxian. It’s cute and soft and Sizhui is my best boy!

History (Proud To Call Your Own) by words-writ-in-starlight (Wen Ning, G, 5k)

“A-Yuan? Um—Lan-gongzi,” Wen Ning corrects, trying to set a good example. The children are young, seven and eight, exactly a dozen of them lined up in two crisp lines of tiny blue and white robes. Wen Ning can feel them staring at him, even though most of them have already mastered that Lan trick of neutrality. The smallest, a little girl with liquid dark eyes, is clinging to her nearest shijie’s sleeve and half-hiding. “Can I—what can I do for you?”

Wen Ning gets himself recruited for services, while he and Sizhui are visiting Cloud Recesses. Wei Wuxian gets a fan club.

Set in the same universe as “To The Act of Making Noise,” a very cute fic about Wen Ning finding his place in the post-canon world and being proud of Sizhui and being the world’s best substitute teacher. As the official Wen Ning Fan Club President, I had to include this.

the stone-filled sea by yukla (Lan Sizhui & Wei Wuxian, T, 9k) ***

He forgets how quickly Wei-qianbei changes faces, sometimes. Like pulling a theater mask over a bruise—color over color, a diversion with the swipe of his hand.

Lan Sizhui navigates a world that hates his father, one endless wave at a time.

Oh man oh man. I will never get enough of the fics where Sizhui (and the rest of the juniors) get ANGRY on Wei Wuxian’s behalf!! That’s their dad and their teacher and their friend and they will DEFEND HIM!!! YEAH BAYBEEEEEEEEEE!!!

PICK & MIX (MISCELLANEOUS)

This Side of Paradise by greenfionn (Wei Wuxian/Wen Qing, E, 3k)

Wei Wuxian does some very quick math in his head that goes something like this: He is pretty sure he’s in love with Lan Zhan - Lan Zhan is not here and likely never will be here - Wen Qing is here, not to mention very hot and let us not forget, actually interested in sex with him - there’s a solid chance he goes genuinely crazy or dies, or both, in the next few months and really, who wants to die a virgin?

Listen.......the fic premise is “Wei Wuxian and Wen Qing, noted bisexuals, figure life sucks enough at the Burial Mounds, they might as well have any fun they can before they die” and........I Am Looking Directly At It. It features Wen Qing bossing Wei Wuxian around and Wei Wuxian’s canon he-wants-to-be-pregnant kink. It’s........I liked it.

palm to palm is holy palmers’ kiss by iodhadh (Song Lan/Xiao Xingchen, M, 15k) ***

The realization strikes Song Lan like a bolt of lightning: Xiao Xingchen laughs, and he wants with a sudden, stunning desperation to kiss the mirth from his beautiful mouth. How, precisely, he is meant to manage that—that, he has no idea at all.

Or: introspective meditations on touch, trust, and the problem of desire.

I Am Baby and for some reason cannot handle how sad the entire Song Lan/Xiao Xingchen storyline ended up so I rarely read songchen fics, and when I do they’re always soft pre-canon fics like this one. Luckily there are some very beautiful and moving pre-canon songchen fics!!! I love you fandom!!

purpose and ritual by iodhadh (Song Lan/Xiao Xingchen, E, 8k)

Song Zichen has beautiful hands. He's a powerful swordsman, strong and skilled, unfairly impressive and unreasonably handsome. He is devoted and self-disciplined and he takes direction like a dream. And he doesn't touch people—no one at all, if he can help it, except for Xiao Xingchen.

The poets might call him a saint, but Xiao Xingchen is so very, very human.

More of the same :-)

born to sweet delight by la_dissonance (Song Lan/Xiao Xingchen, E, 10k)

Xiao Xingchen lightly jumps into the center of the pool, the water a shock that cools his sticky, heated skin, and does nothing for the heat building inside him. When he surfaces, pushing the hair out of his face, he finds Song Lan's gaze and meets it. Between them, everything goes both ways. What Song Lan will offer, Xiao Xingchen will freely give too.

Or, Xiao Xingchen and Song Lan meet, pledge their lives to each other, and then fall in love.

This is about the angstiest I will go for songchen and its still absolutely Baby Soft lmfao!!!!!!

Pin it down by rheawrites (Jiang Yanli/Jin Zixuan, Jin Zixuan/Nie Mingjue, E, 2k)

“Yanli, I did not lie on our wedding night. You are the only woman I have gone to bed with. But… there was a man.”

“Oh?” Yanli blinks up at him. She does not appear horrified, or betrayed, which is surely a good sign.

Jin Zixuan swallows. “It was Sect Leader Nie,” he says quickly, as though that will make it easier.

“…Oh,” says Yanli, and her eyes are dark.

-

Jin Zixuan tells his wife a war story. Or, two thousand words of Jin Zixuan getting railed.

Have you ever looked at Jin Zixuan and been like “I bet that mf likes getting PEGGED!!!!!!!!” Well here’s the fic for you. 

*YIBO VOICE* DIDI LOVES YOU! (YIZHAN RPF)

never really over by gdgdbaby (Yizhan, E, 10k)

The thing is: it would be good to see Xiao Zhan again — if Yibo could just trust himself to be normal.

Author gdgdbaby is the yizhan master, so here are five of my personal favorites of their fics, starting with this post-filming reunion fic that was the first yizhan fic I ever read and HIT real good after having just finished the show myself.

pedagogy by gdgdbaby (Yizhan, E, 17k) ***

Yibo opens his mouth and says, "I want to learn," barreling past the rapid rise of Xiao Zhan's eyebrows. "To last longer. Will you teach me?"

Quick-fire Yibo comes too easily and Xiao Zhan helps train him to last longer :-)

you’re the reason that i just can’t concentrate by gdgdbaby (Yizhan, E, 10k)

Xiao Zhan hears about it from Yu Bin, which probably should've been the first warning sign.

Yibo was only 20 when they filmed the untamed, which lends itself perfectly to fics like this.

a truth so loud you can’t ignore by gdgdbaby (Yizhan, E, 5k)

It's their last day of filming in Hengdian when the secret comes out.

If yibo has to be a fictional virgin than SO DOES XIAO ZHAN!

if you would only let you by gdgdbaby (Yizhan, E, 32k) ***

"Well?" Yibo demands. Past the severe frown tugging at the corners of his mouth, a flicker of the old him slips through, the persistent boy who shoved his way into Xiao Zhan's space without a second thought and made a home for himself there. "Are you coming or not?"

Xiao Zhan's heart twists. He forcibly settles it back in his chest. He's only told Yibo no once in his entire life, and it was already the hardest thing he's ever had to do. "Okay," Xiao Zhan murmurs, quiet but decisive, and thumbs his phone off. "Let's go."

Like I said, all gdgdbaby fics are incredibly good, super well written, and very hot, but this one does stand out from the bunch for being a Full Epic Romance! This is one of Chi’s favorite fics so that should speak to it’s quality!

baby, who’s counting by nobirdstofly (Yizhan, E, 12k)

Xiao Zhan gasps, trying to rein in another peal of giggles. “What do I owe you anyway?”

Yibo shrugs one shoulder, and his smirk deepens. “Haven’t decided.”

Xiao Zhan’s still staring at him, laughter gone in his dry throat, when he hears someone yell for a reset. Yibo’s eyes are so, so dark, and he hasn’t stopped watching Xiao Zhan this whole time. Xiao Zhan swallows, nods, and pushes every dirty thought out of his head.

(Or: Yibo bets Xiao Zhan he'll break first during a take, Xiao Zhan loses, and it's all downhill from there.)

Ah sex bets, who doesn’t love sex bets!

Mystery Dance by mrsronweasley (Yizhan, E, 16k)

"That? That's your confession?" Yibo's toppled onto Xiao Zhan's side and is clutching his shoulder, trying not to fall over. "That's pathetic!"

"Oh, what, you can do better?" Zhuocheng is pretty flushed and there's a challenge in his voice that Yibo just can't walk away from.

"Hell yeah, I can. Hit me, Yu Bin." Yu Bin cheers and refills Yibo's shot glass. "All right!" Yibo downs the shot, gags only slightly, and says, "Everyone! I'm a fucking virgin!"

WHAT’S better than a Yibo virgin fic? A SECOND YIBO VIRGIN FIC!

This author also writes extremely good yizhan threesomes so here’s three of them!

Some Nights by mrsronweasley (Yizhan/Xuan Lu (Jiang Yanli), E, 2k)

Xuan Lu opened her legs to him and Xiao Zhan wasted no time diving in. He pressed his mouth against her pussy, licking her out steadily as her thighs trembled around him. She was nestled between Yibo's legs and if Xiao Zhan looked up, not only could he see the planes of her body, her small breasts going up and down with her breathing, ribs expanding, her tipped back head and open mouth, but Yibo, gaze boring into Xiao Zhan's as he ate Xuan Lu out.

The entire cast is hot and there is no reason they shouldn’t ALL fuck! Not one reason!!!!!!

gege loves you by mrsronweasley (Yizhan/Wang Zhuocheng (Jiang Cheng)), E, 7k)

"We are very sorry," Xiao Zhan murmured as he unbuttoned Zhuocheng's jeans while Yibo kissed his ear, "for how we've been acting."

"Is this how you apologize to everyone," Zhuocheng panted, hands already going for his zipper to help Xiao Zhan along, "or am I special?"

WHEW LORD!!!!!!!!! WHEW!!!!!!!

Talking in the Dark by mrsronweasley (Yizhan (Side Xiao Zhan/M/F), E, 14k)

Xiao Zhan has a light-hearted romp of a threeway with some friends, then makes the mistake of telling Yibo. It goes down.

A non-yizhan threesome BUT features jealous!yibo which is a ton of fun.

Finally, a couple AUs!

With Joy and Purpose by feenwitch (Yizhan, E, 30k) ***

Yibo has been alone for approximately five Earth years when Xiao Zhan crash lands on his planet.

YIZHAN ANDROID AU!!!!!!!! This is a very star trek-esque universe which is fun, but the fic itself is also CRAZY interesting and moving and beautiful!!!!!!!!! It’s A LOT! This was a rec from Nina, so thank you Nina!

Bound With a Same-Heart Knot by mrsronweasley (Yizhan, E, 59k)

London, 1892. Xiao Zhan, a promising young attache at the Chinese embassy is tasked with showing the new ambassador's son Wang Yibo around London. The inevitable happens.

Victorian AU! I actually think you already read this, but included for posterity.

AND SCENE! This is the result of two months of daily fic reading, having 50 tabs of fic open at any given time, reading truly anything and everything, and Loving The Untamed. I’m SO EXCITED you’re diving into fic for this show and I can’t wait to talk to you about all of them and to have someone to scream with! WOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!

[toozmanykids]

Am I allowed to do a Six Sentence Sunday on Friday??? Last week's that @myoxisbroken started got me so pumped up and inspired, and I'm so excited anticipating all these exciting works in progress that y'all teased us with!

Last week @just-the-hiddles had teased us with an OFC struggling to get the attention of our lovely Magnus Martinsson who was far too engrossed in his work to take notice of her efforts.

I have an idea! In fact my OFC may just steal your Magnus right from under your nose my dear @just-the-hiddles . You see, all of the "Sex Pollen" fics y'all have been churning out recently has gotten me fit to be tied! Holy fuck! Especially the one @frostbitten-written wrote. Blame it on the Pollen. OMG! I think that was the hottest "Sex Pollen" story I've ever read! And I have read a LOT these past two years.

So I couldn't resist getting distracted from what was supposed to be working on, and started a "Sex Pollen" fic of my own. I haven't named the OFC yet, but she encounters s beautiful Magnus Martinsson on her commute home one Friday evening. Here are my seven sentences from this WIP.

The moment she sat down, the vibrations of the train immediately caught the attention of her newly awakened inner slut. She slid her ass over a few inches to center her cunt directly on the hard metal hump that divided up the seats and purred from the heavenly stimulation. Subtly adjusting the pressure point with minute angle changes in her posture created the most pleasant feeling of warmth that began to extend up into her chest.

A whimper slipped out with each jolt that broke the gentle rumbling rhythm. A sneaky smile slipped onto her lips, yet she remained unaware of her expression, only focused inward, eyelids drooping closed, and anxiously waiting for the next flaw in the track.

She had completely forgotten about the few people still occupying this train car, including that devastating Mr. Angel-face who had a Masters Degree in Observation. His gaze hadn't left her since she sat down.

What do you think??

................

By the way, last week's Six Sentence Sunday gave excerpts of WIPs by some great authors who you will want to keep an eye on. I didn't get a chance to comment earlier, so I will now. And I beg you all to tag me!!! Please! Just add me to your whole enchilada tag list if your lists are still open?

@myoxisbroken teased her fic with a gif of Pine holding Jeb with a knife to her neck. Holy shit! Any fic inspired by that has got to be exciting! I can't wait to read your Jonathan Pine!!

@caffiend-queen teased us with the most evil gif of Chris Evans in a bright purple shirt that someone must have just painted onto him. I don't know what the hell he's actually doing in that gif, but the gif alone does freaky things to my... But the point of her participation was to tease the next chapter of It'll Be Good For You. This is a DELICIOUS entry in the "My Landlord is a Vampire" Challenge. SQUEAL!

@imanuglywombat teased us with delicious seductive thoughts for her Alpha/Omega WIP. *grrrrowl..... My interest is so piqued to read one with Danvers involved. Oh yes. *Wicked thirsty smile.

*SCREAMING WITH EXCITEMENT!!! Another chapter of Bottom of the Hourglass was in the works last Sunday by @nildespirandum . She teased us with six sentences of our brooding musical creature of the night getting swept away with his music. Good god, the images she conjured up in my mind left me mesmerized as well.*swoon.

@rauko-art is working on an Inuyasha fanfic with Sessoumaru!!! My kids and I just recently discovered Inuyasha this summer. It is a really fun anime set in medieval Japan filled to the brim with mythological gods and demons. The possibilities are endless. The show is so rich in story with beautifully developed characters. I highly recommend it for everyone. I CAN'T WAIT TO READ @rauko-art 's fan fic!!!

@mermaidxatxheart 's tease for her WIP hooks me immediately with one my biggest kink. The character wakes up thinking something is "integrally wrong." *SQUEAL!!! Blackouts or amnesia or losing time are a huge guilty pleasure of mine. I have no idea where this is going, but I definitely need to hop on for this ride! Please?

(Psst....Throw in gaslighting and a little bondage or trapped to go with that amnesia and you'll put me into a trance from being so turned on. I just wanted to put that out there on case anyone was looking for ideas. *Wink)

@pagesoflauren 's teaser has me bouncing in my seat needing to dive into this fic!! OH WOW!! I need to I find a link to this!! Please please tag me! Are you up on AO3?

@threeminutesoflife used a gorgeous gif from Knives Out (2019) of Ransom all stabby with the knives sculture in the background. Omg, the gif alone has me so on the edge of my seat! I can't wait to read this fic!

Some of these fics may be DARK fictions.

ALL links above are in blue.

ALWAYS READ THE TAGS!

Be a responsible reader!

I have been trying to get more organized with tag lists. I threw this list couple weeks below mostly just of people who l thought might be interested to hear when I actually get my butt in gear and post something or write something. Let me know if you want on or off any lists, my everything list, versus included dark fics that may have noncon/dubcon, versus Tom characters only, versus no RPF aka no Real!Tom, plus a list for heads up when i reblog @nildespirandum , bc she SUCKS at self promotion and y'all are missing out if you haven't read her works yet. She is aka Misreall in AO3.

@ladyoftheteaandblood @ladyfluff @bellesque @reine-sigyn @archy3001 @pedeka @lettalady @cursedcursingviking @just-the-hiddles @yespolkadotkitty @myoxisbroken @imanuglywombat @villainousshakespeare @wolfsmom1 @vodka-and-some-sass @boredbrooder @maniploki @fadingcoast @evieplease @fandom-and-feminism @writernotwaiting

@lokislastlove @myraiswack @petitefirecracker10 @littletime67 @memenerdlover @tehgvicious @scatteringlikelight @what-just-happened-bro @the-undecided-compass

[missroserose]

Wednesday Reading Meme: Atmospheria Edition

Hello, tumblr!  I used to post these over on Dreamwidth, but for the past two and a half years, I’ve been reading almost exclusively fanfiction, with only occasional forays into book-land.  I’ve thought occasionally about writing about the fic I was reading, but frankly, most of it was short-ish works intended for easy gratification.  (Not that I'm knocking easy gratification!  But a 3500-word story about a captive Dean Winchester watching an evil version of himself and Castiel have sex is...entertaining, certainly, just maybe not in a way that lends itself to a lot of deeper analysis.) (Well, other than perhaps a judicious use of the "this better not awaken anything in me" meme.  Ahem.) That said! I've read a lot of fanfiction over the past few years, and plan to continue.  So I think I'm going to add a Fanfiction Spotlight slot to the Wednesday Reading Meme format.  Chances are there'll have been something I've read in any given week that feels like it deserves attention.  And in the meantime, I’ve been reading Actual Paper Books lately, largely as a way to wean myself of the doomscrolling habit...and since I’m low-key boycotting Goodreads these days, I figure I’ll try writing about them here.

So without further ado...

What I've recently finished reading The Starless Sea, by Erin Morgenstern.  I'd previously read The Night Circus on a long-ass plane flight, and it turned out to be almost the perfect book for it—pure escapism so heavily drenched in dreamy poetic atmosphere that I could sink into it like a hot bath, and forget for much of the six-hour flight time that I was crammed into a tiny coach seat.  Sea is definitely in that same vein, but this time around I found the thinness and uncertainty of the plot to be rather more frustrating, in a way that overpowered the richness of the atmosphere.   There was still plenty there to enjoy, including a portal fantasy to any bibliophile's world of pure wish-fulfillment, and some meditations on love and change, and one quote in particular on the nature of love that's stuck with me...but I don't think the whole thing hangs together as well as it promised, at the start.  And while (as a fellow author) I completely understand that things change as you write them, when you reach a point in a story where it feels like the author has as little idea as you do what happens next, I find it a little demoralizing. Morpho Eugenia, by A.S. Byatt.  Now that I think about it, this novella makes for an interesting comparison to Sea, because it's similarly atmospheric, albeit less in the dreamy-imaginative-lovers-and-poets vein than the neo-Victorian highly-organized-and-tightly-laced-household-full-of-dark-undercurrents style.  It also does absolutely nothing surprising, plot-wise; it's 180 pages long and I think I'd identified most of the major themes and guessed the major arcs/big plot reveal by page fifteen.  That's not necessarily a fault in and of itself—there's something comforting about a story that does exactly what you expect, and it does a good job threading the needle of ladling on the foreshadowing without (quite) hitting you over the head with what's going on.  But frankly, the narrative stumbles somewhat in its slavish devotion to form.   As an example:  our protagonist is an entolomologist and atheist, penniless in the wake of a shipwreck that robbed him of his specimens and research, who finds himself living on the largesse of a wealthy family whose patriarch has an interest in natural philosophy.  So there are, of course, extensive passages on the nature and habits of various insects (meant to be excerpts from his work), on the potential space for the existence of God in natural selection (meant to be arguments from the patriarch), and even an extensive semi-allegorical insectoid fairy tale (written by another character entirely), which...certainly is all in keeping with the Victorian style, but none of which really feels particularly necessary to the story, here in this age where encyclopedias are a thing and anyone reading a neo-Victorian novella probably has at least a passing familiarity with the Deist arguments being held in the wake of Darwin's publication of On the Origin of Species.  Some cynical part of me wonders if Byatt was trying to write a whole novel, only to discover that the main thrust of her story was nowhere near substantial enough to support one, and even with all the padding she only managed to reach novella length. What I'm currently reading Technically I haven't started it, but The Conjugial Angel is the other Byatt novella in the collection I picked up, so I'm probably going to power through that just so I won't feel guilty about tossing the book on the "to be donated" pile.  If it's anything like Morpho Eugenia, I expect to feel thoroughly "meh" about it, but hey!  Maybe I'll be surprised! What I plan to read next I have two specific recommended-by-friends books in my queue.  The first is Aleksander Solzhenitsyn's One Day In The Life of Ivan Denisovich, which I'm rather looking forward to despite my somewhat uneven relationship with Russian literature.  It was recommended to me by @coffeeandchemicals, and the bits and pieces of Solzhenitsyn I've encountered in the wild make me suspect I'll find his perspective interesting.  And even if I end up hating it, well...it's short. The second is Margo Lanagan's book Tender Morsels, which I know very little about other than it's a dark fairy tale.  But it was sent by @introvertia, who's become quite dear to me, and the theme of it (the jacket cover promises an Edenic tale of three women turned out of their personal Heaven and having to deal with the harsh realities of the outside world) certainly feels appropriate to 2020. Fanfiction Spotlight I was particularly taken with the premise of @zoemathemata's Supernatural/Supernatural RPF story "Folie a Deux".  Sam and Dean Winchester are held captive in Lofty Pines Mental Institution for unknown reasons, slowly being brainwashed into thinking that they're two run-of-the-mill dudes named Jensen Ackles and Jared Padalecki...or are Jensen Ackles and Jared Padalecki two men suffering from the delusion that they're supernatural-creature hunter brothers named Sam and Dean Winchester?  And if they're brothers, how do they square that with the fact that they can't seem to keep their hands off each other...? It's a clever idea, with the sort of meta-analytical flavor that's very in keeping with the show itself, and zoemathemata makes full use of the opportunity to break down the many inconsistencies and flaws that any long-running serialized story accumulates but that we, the audience, overlook for the sake of the Plot of the Week.  My one personal complaint about it is that it ends too soon—the most immediate plot threads are resolved but there's a distinct sense that this is the beginning rather than the ending.  The author says in the comments that they didn't continue it in part because they couldn't decide which was the reality—and I totally get not wanting to spend months or years writing a novel-length fic out of what's supposed to be a quick bit of fun—but there's just so much you could do with this idea.  Even without picking sides, it could be a Total Recall-style ambiguously-themed case fic, or a "Frame of Mind"-esque dark psychological thriller, or any number of other options...

What can I say?  I have a weakness for unreliable narrators.

[asexual-fandom-queen]

So Many Topics Left To Touch

I don’t know why this happened. Sometimes your brain just has an idea and who are you to stand in its way? Set in a world where John Mulaney & The Sack Lunch Bunch is a real TV show, and John Mulaney and Jake Gyllenhaal are still John Mulaney and Jake Gyllenhaal, but not the real John Mulaney and Jake Gyllenhaal. The Sack Lunch Bunch just had big show within a show energy, and I wanted to do something with that. This is in no way intended to be RPF. As far as I’m concerned, the actors are playing characters inspired by themselves in the Netflix special, they’re not actually themselves, but if it’s close enough to RPF that it still squicks you, completely understandable, you can scroll right past this post, no hard feelings. 

[tw for swearing, bipolar disorder, manic episodes, discussions of mental health stigma, and a character stopping their medication without medical advice]

John hesitates with his knuckles poised an inch above the smooth, cherry-red surface of the dressing room door. The soft sound of shuffling and gratuitous vulgarity bleeds through the thin particle board, and he sighs, unfurling his fingers to scratch at the creases that have developed in his brow.

“Jake,” John announces with three quick, staccato taps. “It’s John. I’m coming in, okay?”

John waits for a second, in case Jake wants to protest, but when he gets no response, he turns the handle and swings open the door.

Jake’s dressing room is little more than a hole in the wall, something that might once have been a janitorial closet before the studio snapped up the property to film The Sack Lunch Bunch and realized they needed more star rooms than were already available.  It’s an understated kind of chaos inside, scripts with highlighted lines plied haphazardly across the undersized vanity pushed against the right wall, a metal rod of half-empty hangers to the back, a rumpled pile of clothes balled up on the armchair to the room’s left. The speckled laminate floors scuffed black with shoe marks and concrete masonry walls painted khaki beige do as much to make the room drab as the dull, yellow incandescent light dangling from the ceiling overhead.

Jake, seated at the vanity in a rickety folding chair, doesn’t look up when John slides through the narrow gap he makes in the door frame, the loose fabric of his sweater catching and tugging on the curved edge of the brassy-gold strike plate, or when he closes it shut again with a small, sharp click. He stays with his head in his hands, tugging at the long, disheveled strands where the styling gel’s let go, leaving it limp and unpleasantly shiny.

John stands with his back pressed to the door, handle digging against his spine, the nip of pain just enough to keep him grounded.

READ MORE BELOW THE CUT, OR HERE ON AO3!

“I fucked everything up, didn’t I?” Jake asks, forcing the heels of his hands against his eyes and scrubbing hard enough that John nearly steps forward to stop him.

John shrugs, not that Jake can see. “They’ll cut something together in editing,” he replies. “You’re fine.”

Jake laughs, bitter and humorless. “This seems fine to you?”

John’s feet finally unglue from the floor. He moves to perch on the edge of the vanity, long, spindly legs stretching out in his jeans and crossing at the ankles. The table shifts on its hinges, but ultimately bears his weight. He dips his head, hoping to make eye contact, but Jake keeps his bowed. His whole body jostles as his legs bounce rapidly up and down, an ocean of chaos to John’s calm waters.

“How much sleep did you get last night?” John asks.

Jake’s grip on the hair at the front of his scalp looks ironclad, knuckles almost white with it, as he shakes his head vigorously enough that John feels the pang of sympathy pain at his own hairline. “I thought everything was gonna be so perfect. I had all these ideas, all these sounds rattling around in my head. And then once I started thinking about Mr. Music, all I could think about was the costume, and how it wasn’t good enough, and if I just tried enough stuff on I could find the piece that would blow the whole thing wide open. And then my wheels just started spinning, man. I don’t know.”

Hunched over with his head in his hands, Jake looks small, even though he’s broader than John, and nearly as tall. John uncrosses his ankles and nudges Jake’s jackrabbiting shin with his own. Jake stills abruptly, finally looks up.

“How many hours?” John asks again.

Jake sighs. “I think Friday was the last time,” he admits, fingers scratching anxiously at the back of his neck.

“Jake,” John says with a harsh exhale, like the confession’s knocked the wind out of him. He tries to land somewhere in the realm of concern with his tone, and not judgmental. He knows it’s the last thing Jake needs. “It’s Tuesday.”

Jake chews the skin under his thumb. His legs bounce again, and John feels every vibration where they’re still pressed shin to shin.

“Someone’s gonna fire me,” Jake mutters.

John laughs, a quick, harsh chuckle. “Doubtful,” he says. “Since they’d have to run it by me first, and you know I wouldn’t stand for that shit at all.”

“You should fire me,” Jake says, sitting suddenly ramrod straight and fixing John with a hard, frim look that catches him off guard. “Sack Lunch is your baby and sooner or later, I’m gonna ruin it. I can’t– I don’t think right, when I’m like this. I’m gonna do something fucking stupid and everything you made here’s gonna come crashing down.”

John takes a surreptitious deep breath and feigns as much levity as he can in his expression as he rolls his eyes and bumps Jake’s leg with the top of his foot. “Don’t be melodramatic.”

Jake doesn’t flinch. “I’m serious, John,” he says.

“So am I,” John replies. He locks eyes with Jake, and the other man’s legs still, even though the nervous energy still buzzes under his skin in a way that’s palpable, that electrifies the room. “You are Mr. Music. I don’t wanna write you off, or recast you. I don’t need anybody else. Just you.”

Jake sucks in a sharp breath through his nose. Eye to eye like this, John can see the dark circles where the foundation’s rubbed away.

“When’d you stop taking your meds?”

Jake tenses. “Who said I–”

“Don’t lie, Jake,” John interrupts, holding up a hand. He rears back as Jake springs from his seat, pacing the six-step line from one end of the room to the other. John doesn’t miss the way hobbles, just barely perceptible under the manic energy driving him forward like business as usual. He leaves a smear of blood behind him, and John sees the purpling of his ankle even from a distance.

“I’m not gonna ream you out, man,” he promises, straightening from his leaning position to give Jake more space. “So, don’t lie to me.”

Jake scratches the back of his neck. “About a week.”

John nods. “Does your doctor know?”

A flinch. “I can’t tell her,” Jake says. “All she wants to do is keep me drugged up.”

“She wants to keep you safe,” John counters, the exasperation he’s trying so desperately to keep at bay slipping into his tone. “And functioning. She wants you to be able to come to work and do your job. Or, I don’t know, go home and actually sleep at night.”

Jake shakes his head. He’s still pacing. John wants to step in front of him, make him stop, but he knows that won’t help. “I fucking hate being on lithium,” he spits.

“Well,” John says, plain and matter-of-fact. “I don’t think you like this very much, either.”

Jake stills, flicks his eyes up from the floor where he’s been watching himself pace and track blood.

“Also,” John adds. “I happen to know for a fact that’s absolutely not true. You don’t hate being on lithium, you just think you do when your dose is too low to manage your mania. Then you start feeling just the right combination of paranoid and invincible to stop taking it altogether. That’s when you hate it. When the mental illness is the one in the driver’s seat. But that’s not what you really think.”

Jake shakes his head. His whole body’s trembling. “Doesn’t matter,” he says. “This is the third time. I can’t tell her I stopped taking it again. Can’t ask her to put me back on if I’m too fucking stupid to stay on.”

John frowns. “Sure you can,” he says, loud and brassy, with a quick toss of his head. “You make an appointment, and you waltz into her office, and you say put me back on my medication, please. You can do that so many times.”

“She’s gonna be mad at me,” Jake argues.

“She’s going to caution you,” John says. “Against the health risks of stopping your medication without medical advice. That’s her job as a doctor. But she’s not going to be mad at you. And if she is, then it’s because she’s a shitty psychiatrist. It’s got nothing to do with you.”  

Jake is quiet for a breath, and eerily still. “Are you mad at me?” he asks.

John sighs. He steps forward and reaches out, clasping Jake by the forearms and holding him still, the canary yellow silk of the Mr. Music costume cool and slippery to the touch under his hands.

“You’re not just a colleague to me,” John says emphatically, holding Jake’s eyes, even as his break off every so often to dart from place to place to place around the room. “You are my friend. One of the most important people in my life. I am concerned for you. And I am frustrated that I can’t do more to help. So I might seem a little mad. But I am never, ever, mad at you. Do you know that?”

Jake hesitates a moment, then shakes his head.

John frowns. “Remember that,” he says, solid and firm, with no room to argue.

He waits until Jake nods in response, then tugs on his forearms, leading him toward the armchair. John grabs the pile of clothes in one hand and tosses it to the floor under the clothes rack. He corrals Jake into the seat, then crouches in front of him, grabbing his right leg by the shin.

“You’re walking on it too much for it to be broken,” John muses aloud, looking the purplish skin and the swelling around Jake's ankle. He pinches his fingers around the back of Jake’s Achilles tendon, the pads pressing into the inflammation. He barely sucks in a breath.

“Does that hurt?” John asks anyway.

Jake shakes his head. “Who knows,” he says. “Everything feels like it’s up here.” He raises a hand over his head to emphasize his point.

John lets out a heavy breath through his nose. His shoulders slump. “Please,” he says, tracing gentle circles against Jake’s ankle with his thumb. “Let me take you to the hospital.”

Jake shakes his head. “The glass,” he says. “They’re gonna think I did it on purpose. What if they put me on a hold?”

“Then I will be there in seventy-two hours to pick you up,” John promises.

Jake swallows. “And if the press gets wind?”

“They can fuck themselves.”

“I want Mr. Music to be bipolar.”

Jake looks at John over his plate of takeout, a fresh spring roll bisected messily in a semi-circular bite held aloft between his chopsticks. They’re sitting on the couch in John’s apartment, the nicer residence of the two. John’s the big household name, he’s got the Manhattan money.

Jake never made it quite as big. A few appearances on SNL – where they met – a few standup tours. John never understood why. He’s funny, but Jake’s hilarious, unhinged and high energy in a way that feels more engaging than John’s own deadpan, dad next door schtick. When he was looking for regular guest stars for Sack Lunch Bunch, he hadn’t even thought twice. Of course, it was Jake. It was always going to be Jake.

“Well,” Jake says with a wry, sardonic smile. “Want no more.”

John rolls his eyes. “I mean on the show,” he says.

Jake frowns. He sets his half-eaten spring roll back on his plate, then sets the plate on the coffee table.

“Obviously not without your blessing,” John hastens to add. The couch is expansive, but John’s mostly on the middle cushion, and turned like they are, their knees knock together when he shuffles a half-inch closer.

“Would the network even let you do that?” Jake asks, scrunching up his face.

“Well, they’d better,” John says. “I’m the executive producer. Half the financing comes from my money, and yeah, I make that money back and then some, but that doesn't mean people shouldn’t still have to defer to me. Hell, it’s my IP. If they don’t like it, I’ll say fuck you very much and take the show someplace else.”

Jake scoffs and rolls his eyes. He settles back against the cushion. The way his legs stretch out as he relaxes tangles their shins together, and a shiver runs up the long column of John’s spine.

“You’re such a drama queen sometimes,” Jake teases.

John frowns. “Hey,” he says. “I’m serious.”

Jake swallows. John tracks the movement of his Adam’s apple. “You don’t have to do that just for me.”

“Except it wouldn’t be just for you,” John says. “There’s something like 2.3 million Americans diagnosed with bipolar disorder. I guarantee you, kids know someone who’s bipolar. Or they know someone who has schizophrenia, or depression, or even a generalized anxiety disorder.”

John shifts forward again on the sofa. He worries for a second that he’s crowding Jake out when both their knees press flush together, but Jake doesn’t pull back. Instead, he slides his arm across the back of the couch, and though they’re not quite touching, John swears he can feel the warmth of him through the sleeve of his shirt.

“I created The Sack Lunch Bunch for a reason,” John continues. “Because I saw what was available for kids nowadays and it’s all bullshit. It either teaches them nothing, or it teaches them to be little assholes to each other. There used to be a message to kid’s programming. Be nice, be generous, understand your neighbor. Not make fun of your neighbor for being fat, or stupid, or whatever we’re still deeming acceptable to make fun of people for.

“I wanted The Sack Lunch Bunch to be different,” John says. “And when I signed on to the network, they promised it would be. At first, it was just get past the first season, John. Then, shows struggle in their sophomore year, John; better not rock the boat. But it’s been three years, and they’re still censoring my content. They cut Sasha’s Dad Does Drag from the show last month without even consulting me.”

Jake’s fingers brush against the curve of John’s shoulder. The pad of his pointer catches at the collar. John feels it against his skin. It loosens his muscles where they pull taught between his scapulas.

“I’m just tired,” John says. “I care about this show. I wanna do it in a way that does right by the audience I meant it for. Not One Million Moms, or whatever shitstains are in office, or heading the network, or running the FCC. I swear to God, I’ll make a YouTube channel and upload the whole thing as shaky cell phone footage if I have to.”

A soft smile tugs at the corner of Jake’s mouth.

“And yeah,” John adds, sagging against the backrest so his shoulder presses squarely against Jake’s arm. He tilts his head, and Jake’s fingers brush against the corner of his jaw. “I wanna do right by you, too. I wanna give you that platform. That space to be yourself, openly and honestly. If that’s what you want.”

Jake’s fingers twitch against his skin. “Yeah, okay,” he whispers. “I’m in.”

Things are different since taking season four independent.

For all that John was ready to pay the whole show’s budget out of pocket and suffer the consequences, a surprising amount of money came their way by donation, first from fellow actors, comedians, and general entertainment media types, then through public fundraising campaigns set up by viewers, and finally, politicians, once the consensus was finally in on the general public opinion of The Sack Lunch Bunch’s solo move.

The state of Jake’s dressing room, however, is much the same.  

“I feel like if I hit refresh one more time, I might unintentionally complete some kind of Sisyphean ritual and end up stuck on Twitter forever,” John says, staring down at the tablet in his hand. He has a flute of sparkling apple juice in the other, which Jake opts to chug from the bottle.

The first episode of season four dropped to a handful of contracted streaming services earlier in the day, and John and Jake have been in Jake’s dressing room reading over reviews for the last hour, two more celebratory bottles piled by the trash to go in recycling later.

They just wrapped the day filming their penultimate episode of thirteen, and John’s still buzzing with post-performance adrenaline. The sugar in the juice and the heat of Jake pressed up against his side as he reads over John’s shoulder does nothing to help with his jitters.  

“Just one more time,” Jake urges, and, helpless to say no to him, John hits refresh. “Poignant and emotional,” he reads, breath ghosting across sensitive skin on the side of John’s neck, just over his pulse. “John Mulaney & The Sack Lunch Bunch tackles mental health awareness with new Mr. Music storyline.”

“Reviews seem to be half-decent,” John agrees.

Jake scoffs. More warm air tickles the hair at the nape of John’s neck. “Reviews are great,” he says. Then, softer, “you’re great.”

John takes a step back. He places the tablet and his glass of juice down on the vanity and, sensing the sudden shift in mood, Jake does the same with the bottle.

“Thank you for doing this with me,” John says, warm and soft and sincere.

Jake smiles. “I should be thanking you,” he says. “Most people would have kicked me out on my ass day one.”  

“I was never gonna be able to do that, though, was I?” John replies in an atypical moment of honesty. The room is still so small. Too small for a recurring guest star. Too small for two grown men. Too small for all of John’s feelings.

Jake licks his lips, and John can’t help but track the movement with his eyes. When he snaps them back up, Jake is looking at him like he’s the only thing in the room. “Why not, exactly?” he asks.

John swallows thick. “Come on, man,” he says. He takes a small, automatic step forward. Jake doesn’t pull away. “You know why.”

“Do I?” Jake asks. He inches forward, too, like he’s on autopilot. John sees his fingers twitch from the corner of his eye, his hand reaching out, then drawing back, like he’s unsure. But how could he not know? John’s always been so sure.

He takes a step forward. They’re pressed nearly chest to chest.

“I am technically your boss,” John whispers. It comes out thick and raspy and raw. “So feel free to knee me in the balls if this is crossing a line but I really just wanna–”

He doesn’t get the rest of the sentence out. He kisses Jake on an exhale, like John’s breathing everything he has into him, giving Jake everything he is. He curls his fist in Jake’s shirt and tugs him close, and Jake opens under him like he’s in bloom. He slips his tongue into Jake’s mouth and the other man carves out space for him like he belongs there, the same way he hauls John’s body closer with hands on his waist to press them flush from knees to hips to chest. John slides his hand from Jake’s shirt and curls both around the base of his neck to cradle him like he’s precious.

“John,” Jake pants against his lips. His breath is fire-hot, and it sets the nerve endings on John’s lips alight. “I wanted– for so long. And I didn’t know–”

“I know,” he replies, pressing another slow, steady kiss to Jake’s mouth. “Me too.”

“Am I still coming over tonight?” Jake wonders. Their noses brush, like they haven’t figured out how to stop moving together yet, even with their lips apart.

Another soft, plush kiss. “Do you still want to?” John asks.

Jake nods. “If you still want me to.”

“From the second I met you,” John says, brushing a long strand of hair behind Jake’s ear where it’s fallen loose. “I have always wanted you.”

I am always going to want you.

[keysmashchronicles]

my history in phandom and fandom

I’ve always been an avid reader. If I’d have been born twenty years later than I was and grew up in a time when every kid has tablet or a phone, that need for stories might have been filled by TV or other formats instead, but in my childhood years it was all about books, and visiting the library as often as possible. I often daydreamed about the characters in books the books I read, mostly egocentric thoughts of what it would be like if I were to somehow find myself in the stories I was reading. What would it be like to have them as my friends, to be part of those adventures? Of course, in typical Mary-Sue fashion, it wasn’t the real me that I imagined in those daydreams, but some idealised version that was cleverer and funnier and prettier and of course, someone all the other characters either envied or adored.

As I got older, and we moved beyond the stage of just having one TV in the house, my obsessive nature shifted to include TV shows as well as books. The first show that really caught my imagination was Dawson’s Creek. I loved it, the over-articulate teens with all their angsty problems heightened by their hormones going haywire, going through mental health issues and struggles with sexuality and of course, the classic love triangle. I couldn’t wait to tune in every week and catch up on what was happening in Capeside.

I’m not sure how it happened, but one day I was online on our cranky old computer and stumbled across some Dawson’s Creek fanfiction. I was amazed, and fascinated, and also terrified that someone in my family was going to walk in and catch me reading it. But I read every story on that website, and then started looking for more. I couldn’t believe there were other people out there like me, people who didn’t just watch a TV programme and then forget it about it until the following week.  There were others who thought about the characters in a TV show so much, it was almost like they became real. People who wanted to analyse every aspect of the relationships the characters had on screen, and also take these characters off into plots and stories and worlds that were nothing like what actually happened in the show, imagine them in endless different scenarios and see them experience every kind of emotion and think about how they’d react. People who wanted to write or read over and over again about the same characters because they found more and more to discover about them every time they did.I had found my happy place!

Over the years, the obsession with fanfic remained, but the focus of it shifted.I’d go through a cycle – discover a new fandom, immerse myself in it for maybe a year or two, then slowly lose interest. There would be a period where I wouldn’t read fic for a while, maybe 6 months or a year, and then all of a sudden, a new show would capture my attention and I’d be off and running again.

After my interest in Dawson’s Creek had run it’s course, the show that took its place for me was Buffy. As I recall, I had only watched a few episodes here and there and then a writer I was already reading started to post Buffy fics. I read a couple and realised that there must be much more to this show than I’d thought if it was inspiring such good writing. I think that obsession must have lasted a good 3-4 years, one of the longest I’ve had.  There was just so much good stuff for writers to work with - a whole cast of interesting well-developed characters, the good vs evil narrative, the endless possibilities of spells and demons and alternate universes and origin stories and the threat that the world might end at any moment….the list goes on. And also, there was the smut  - I’d read a fair amount in my previous fandom, but Buffy fics took it to a whole other level (this by the way being a major cause of the confusion I had when trying to work out my own sexuality - how can I be asexual? Have you seen my AO3 history???)

After that came the West Wing, followed by House, followed by the other behemoth of my fandom life, Sherlock. With all of these, although I read a hell of a lot of fic, that was always as far as my involvement in fandom went. I didn’t feel the need to join any fandom communities, in fact I don’t really think I would have known much about where or how to get involved if I’d wanted to. In the early days, the fic I read was on fan-hosted sites, with the aid of webrings to help you discover other authors. Then for a long time it was fanfiction.net, livejournal and finally AO3 where I read most of my fic today.

So how did I get into phanfic? In the aftermath of Sherlock series 4, it felt like my engagement with fic in that fandom came to a bit of a stop – there wasn’t really anywhere much to take the story in terms of canon, and a lot of people felt that the whole Eurus plotline had been kind of a jumping the shark moment. For myself, I’d got to that stage where it felt like there was nothing new under the sun. I was feeling the fatigue that always eventually came when I’d overread a fandom, and no matter how hard I’d try to find something to interest me, nothing seemed to capture my imagination any more.

I left the fic alone for quite a while, turning mostly back to traditionally published media – I dipped a toe back into Sherlock fic on occasion, read a bit of MCU here and there but nothing significant.

Then one evening in June 2019, I was scrolling through Twitter when I decided to check what was trending and saw a name I didn’t recognise – Daniel Howell. I had no idea who he was, but lots of other people were clearly very excited by something he’d done, so I thought I’d have a look and find out why. Usually when this happens, it turns the person is either on a reality TV show or plays sports of some kind,  but on this occasion I saw the words ‘YouTuber’ and ‘coming out video’ and it piqued my interest. The only experience I really had of watching YouTubers was through my step niece, when she’d had an obsession with Miranda Sings and we’d watched a lot of her videos together, including collabs, so I knew a few names but not much beyond that.

I clicked on Dan’s video, fully expecting that like with most random clicks, I’d watch for a minute or two before getting bored and looking for something else to occupy my attention, but that didn’t happen. The video was incredible and I was absolutely transfixed for the whole 45 minutes. I thought it was brilliant - the deeply personal story that was being told, the humour, the well-thought out and confidently delivered arguments – I don’t think I’d ever seen anything like it. As someone who had come to identify as asexual and panromantic but not until they were in their late 30s, and who was (is?) still in a place of trying to understand what that meant in my life, it was also hugely resonant to me on a personal level, helping me to realise the unacknowledged but damaging internalised acephobia and homophobia that I was still carrying with me.

I went to Dan’s channel and watched some of his videos, then was curious about that guy named Phil that he’d mentioned, so I watched some of his videos too. I came across the first PINOF and was completely charmed by it, by their rapport and silly humour and how they clearly felt so comfortable just to muck about and be themselves.

For a while I was happy just going through all the content on their channels. It didn’t really occur to me to look for fic until it was referenced in one of their videos. Up until then, RPF had really not been my thing – I’d seen some fics written about the actors who played characters in my various fandoms and I’d avoided them because it had made me feel uncomfortable about what they’d think if they saw them. I’d also scrolled past a lot of 1D and BTS fic when browsing on AO3 tags and to be honest, had had a pretty snobby opinion about it.

But having heard Dan’s story, and then seen dnp’s obvious connection in their videos, I was curious to see what the fans’ take had been on their relationship, and also to see what was being written about them now that Dan had come out. I looked to see if there was anything about them on AO3 and bam! There it was, my next fic obsession had grabbed hold of me and there wasn’t anything much I could do about it!

Since then, I’ve not only read a ton of fics, but even had a go at writing a few. It’s painful because they never come anywhere near the standard of the fics and writers I really admire. I have the desire to want to write well, but also a complete lack of the patience and dedication it takes to develop the necessary skill. But for the first time I didn’t let that stop me from publishing a few fics as I realised I was really writing for myself, to have an outlet for thoughts and ideas that had been going around in my head, and if anyone happened to read it, that was just a bonus.

Then through reading the Seven Basic Plots, I realised that what I’m more interested in at the moment than learning to write fics myself is to come to a greater understanding of how they work, and what exactly has been fuelling my fic obsession for over 20 years (wow....that was weird to think about! Such a long time!)

So that’s my history in fandom, and in phandom, and explains why reading a book about the nature of stories and their purpose made me immediately think that I wanted to examine those ideas in relation to something I know and love – phanfiction.

the seven basic plots // 1st plot - overcoming the monster

[hoidn]

if you want to play along, consider yourself tagged.

AO3 name: tree

Fandoms: these are fandoms i've written in, but they're not all my fandoms, if that makes sense. i've written quite a few things in exchanges just because i was familiar enough with the canon to take a pinch-hit or because i didn't know what i was getting myself into.

Longmire (TV), The X-Files, Pride and Prejudice - Jane Austen, Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman, House M.D., Star Trek: Voyager, Ancient Greek Religion & Lore, The X-Files RPF, The Cutting Edge (1992), Blade (Movie Series), Northanger Abbey - Jane Austen, Hannibal (TV), Girl with a Pearl Earring - All Media Types, Lady of the Shard (Webcomic), The Fionavar Tapestry - Guy Gavriel Kay, The Wake - Paul Kingsnorth, Battlestar Galactica (2003), Stranger Than Fiction, Charlotte Gray (2001), Green Gables Fables, Firefly, Star Trek: The Next Generation, Ibis Trilogy - Amitav Ghosh, Octopus Steals My Video Camera and Swims off with It While It's Recording (Short Film), Gilmore Girls, The Middleman (TV), Fairy Tales & Related Fandoms, JAG (TV 1995), Hamlet - Shakespeare, The Fall (TV 2013), The Abyss (1989)

the fandoms i haven’t yet posted anything for are many and varied, and any WIPs that may exist for them will likely die with me, which is probably a very good thing.

Number of fics: 94 (?!!)

Fic you spent the most time on: no friggin' idea. i sometimes spend weeks just trying to get one paragraph right and then write two thousand words the next day which need very little editing. it might take me over a year to write something from start to finish that's not much more than a thousand words, but how much of that span of time was spent actually working on that particular fic isn't something i keep track of.

Fic you spent the least time on: hope falls harder — it's one sentence; i spent longer scraping together the title and summary than i did writing the work. in my defence it's in a made-up language that only exists in the text, so it was a difficult sentence.

Longest fic: some wild and necessary hunger with 24,606 words. because of course a trope i didn't like at all until i discovered i liked it in very specific contexts turned itself into my longest fic. of fucking course.

Shortest fic: hope falls harder with 41 words. however, since it's the only fic anywhere ever for this canon, i still win the prize for the longest fic in the fandom.

Most hits: A Wild and Distant Shore with 32,785 hits. fork me. that is terrifying. (what's interesting is that to suppose the truth of it possible has the next highest number at 30,440 and it was written nine years later, so it's accrued hits at a much faster rate than my older P&P fics, but it doesn't even make it into the top 5 by kudos. so a lot of hits but fewer people like it? i'm so curious!)

Most kudos: A Wild and Distant Shore with 1,084 kudos. folks continue to dig the P&P smut.

Most comment threads: if you came this way with 80 threads, but it's an extreme outlier. the next three highest are in the mid-low 30s, which i think is more indicative.

Fave fic you wrote: within the last few years, probably Darlin', everything's on fire (with Through Worlds as a close runner-up). i am genuinely proud of my zombie apocalypse AU. i think it's one of the best things i've ever written.

Fic you want to rewrite/expand on: as @sarking said, "I’m not a rewriter – it’s hard enough to get something out of me once, or to get a draft and a finished product out of me." i'm also not an expander, with one recent exception. when i write a fic, i tell the story i've got to tell and then there's no more. that said, someone once mentioned they'd like to read chakotay's side of if you came this way and my brain mulled over that to the extent that it's got a title (no mean feat) and its own document, and i've actually noodled a bit at it.

(noodling is, of course, a different process to writing; noodling is to writing what doodling is to drawing. although to continue the alliterative parallels i suppose it should be 'woodling', but as that just looks ridiculous, let's not.)

however, there are many barriers to this fic's completion, among other things that it's daunting trying to match myself. even while i was in the process of writing it, i knew if you came this way was something special. not necessarily the best thing i've ever written in strict terms, but certainly the most joyful in process (at least up until the very end). which isn't to say it was easy, just that somehow all the stars aligned so that my love of the characters and my love of language combined into something wonderful and the process itself became a celebration of that love. oh my god it sounds like i was on acid or something at the time, but i wasn't. just my usual cocktail of crazy meds.

Share a bit of your WIP or share a story idea that you’re planning: i'm knee-deep in my het big bang fic that won't quit and is definitely not the fic i had intended to write hahahaha. it's for That Show I Can't Stop Making GIFs For Or Writing Fic For Apparently. but! i'm also noodling away at a J/C voyager fic for the kind soul who bid on me in the fandom for australia auction. this may or may not be the final version, given that i haven't written the lead-up yet and i haven't written these characters at all in some time, but i quite like it as it stands, so here we go.

"It has to be me," she said.

"Captain—"

A single raised hand forestalled his protest.

"I've already had this argument with Tuvok. Please don't make me repeat the experience, Commander." She strode a restless to-and-fro across the Ready Room. "Perhaps it makes me a prude but I believe that sex is a private act, not a performance."

"It doesn't make you a prude."

Janeway carried on as if she hadn't heard, her eloquent hands in agitated motion. "And how can I, in good conscience, order someone to... to... perform?"

It was a split-second decision, instinctive.

"You won't have to order anyone, Captain."

She stopped, frowned. "What do you mean?"

"I'm volunteering for this mission."

Her whole face softened into gentle distress. "Oh, Chakotay. I can't ask that of you."

"You're not asking. I'm offering."

[thefanficmonster]

Bumpy Road

Corpse Husband x Reader (Gender Neutral)

Warnings: Swearing, Mentions of Depression and Relationship struggles as well as Health Problems

Genre: Mild Angst, Romance, RPF (Real Person Fic)

Summary: On a live podcast discussing his rise to fame and how its affected his personal life, Corpse stumbles over the topic of his romantic relationships, more specifically his relationship with Y/N.

Requested by Anon. Hello dear! Thank you so much for your wonderful request and so sorry you’ve had to wait for it to be posted so long. However, here it finally is and I hope you come across it and read it an if you do I hope you enjoy it! Love, Vy ❤

“Right, ok we’re officially live!“ Exclaims Anthony as he waves to one of the cameras - the one turned to him - and leans closer to the mic placed on the table in front of him. “Hello everyone, thanks for tuning in today. I’m here with the internet sensation and mystery known as Corpse Husband.“ He turns away from the camera to look across the table at his guest, “Corpse, I hope you know how much effort is being put into editing that sticker over your face for the duration of this whole podcast.“

Corpse, whose face is hidden by a sticker of his avatar, chuckles, “So you’re insinuating that I should probably not move so much.”

“Exactly.“ Anthony laughs, “My guy would be very grateful for that curtesy. Yeah, I have an actual person who I assigned to move around the sticker so there goes an extra paycheck.“

“In that case I promise to give you worthy content. A lot of never previously heard scoop.“ Corpse says, mocking the very words he uses, laughing about them afterwards, “Ask away, man.“

Anthony briefly looks down at a printed sheet of paper before pushing it to the side with a slight furrow of his brows, “You know, these are all cookie-cutter questions you’ve probably been asked many times before. So, I think it’s for the best I ask you something no one has had you talk about. Or something I hope no one has had you talk about yet. If you feel uncomfortable with any question just say so and we’ll skip it right away.“

The sticker moves up and down to mask Corpse’s face as he nods, “Got it.”

“Ok um...“ Anthony falls in thought for a moment, thinking of a question, “The first thing off the top of my head, um, what part of the dark side of fame have you had the displeasure of experiencing?“

Corpse lets out a laugh dangerously close to a scoff, “Almost all if not totally all of it really. There’s such a big chunk of privacy being taken away from you on social media. I got to that point where I felt so naked and seen I felt I was losing myself as my fandom grew. I know it’s many YouTubers’ dream to blow up and have a ton of fans and followers but I never wanted that. Don’t get me wrong, I love each and every one of my fans, I just never expected to accumulate so many of them. I’m such a private person, it was so anxiety inducing in the beginning but I sort of learned how to cope with it, you know? Sometimes, in order to stop people from reaching into my real privacy, I created a fake one that I’d feed into and let them enjoy.”

Anthony’s eyebrows shoot up in surprise, “Wow, how do we know what’s real about you anymore, huh?” It was said more as a joke but he truly meant it. If a person can fake a whole reality for people not to touch into their real one, Lord knows what else they can do.

Corpse huffs, “I’ll give you a hint: If it seems pretty, pink, peach and perfect it’s fake.“ The sticker may be hiding his face from the viewers but it’s most definitely not doing anything to shield the change in expression that occurs on his face from Anthony who’s sitting right across from him and notices the shift right away but before he could question it, Corpse prods on, “Y/N, my partner, can tell you just as much. They know better than anyone what’s the difference between what people know and what the reality is. They know that our relationship isn’t the sunny skies we put on display for our fans. I have my mental and physical health issues, my trust issues and paranoia play a big role in the ‘rains’ in our day-to-day life but they understand it’s all a part of me and a part I can’t control. It actually controls me sometimes and it’s so fucking annoying. But they understand. And while we pretend it’s perfect even though it isn’t, we find our happiness wherever and whenever we can. When it rains so often, you might as well look for a little hint of sunlight. That sunlight can create a rainbow after all. Believe me when I say, that rainbow is the most beautiful thing, makes you forget about the storm that just took place or might even be still raging all around.“ He sighs, preparing to bring his outpour of honesty to a close, “It may be a bumpy road 98% of the time even though on social media we pretend it’s the complete opposite, but that 2% of honest happiness we get from the tiniest of things are more meaningful than I could describe to you with words.“

And he’s more than right, words are often not enough. But the ones he used to describe what he just did were perfectly enough to bring one particular viewer to tears. That particular viewer who knows exactly what he was talking about. Because they are his other half and they’re going through it the same as he is. They’ve gone down that bumpy road side by side with him, ignoring the pain and turmoil while focusing their gaze on the rainbow above. That analogy was theirs from the very start after all. They both knew Y/N is the better one at finding the deeper meaning in everything even when there was nothing to be found.

They always found something. And Corpse will always cherish that trait as one of their best - always finding something to keep them both afloat.

@maat-the-prescriptive  @simonsbluee  @save-the-sky  @itsminniekat  @hacker-ghost  @bi-andready-tocry  @imtiredaffff  @jazzkaurtheglorious  @hereforbeebo  @fandomgirl17  @chrysanthykios  @maehemscorpyus  @loraleiix  @letsloveimagines  @annshit  @i-cant-choose-a-username-help  @enigmaticmaze  @divine-artemis  @waterlilypat  @idontknowwhatthisisfam  @evi-ka  @classyandfabulous00  @redperson58  @lilysdaydreams @solowheein  @mythicalamphitrite  @axen-gers  @luckygirl144  @nj01  @buddyemily   @the-albino-lioness  @stardream14  @gdhdkfnn  @nomadicgypsyy  @preciousskye  @fluffysuicideunicornsworld  @o-kaelin  @manacharlotte  @awkward-youtube-trash  @lolalee24  @bonky-beerns  @meme-lord-and-savior-sebastian  @strawbrinkofdeath  @teenloves  @tams0527  @browneyespinkhair  @starstruckllamapuppy  @daisychains012  @y0ulooked  @tinytacosuitcaseflap @supernatural-is-my-only-life  @jula-pauline  @melodykitty  @just-that-bi-girl  @crazybutconfidentaf  @lowellshade @alphakees  @bellero  @weallneednamjesus  @starryhanji  @boiled-onionrings  @husherstan  @fockingwhore  @melaningoddessthings  @prettypastelpetals  @haleypearce  @godwhyamiawkward  @y-napotat  @daisychainyoonmin  @little-miss-rebel3  @free-wheelin-bi-sexual  @redmoon261 @darkacademic2  @wiseflamingoqueen  @into-the-end  @namikhai-i  @nastiablr  @thelittleplantlover  @mirktuan  @dont-hyuck @jjk-bunny  @vintagegothlover  @easygoingtheatre  @itsrandombooklover  @miiaivi  @emmybaybee  @befourgolden  @jjk-is-my-shit  @eternalteaaars  @spacebadgerx  @princesslunalight  @acequinn14  @samm48  @misselsbells06 @simp-lykawa  @fo-love  @marishimomura-blog  @therealglenncoco  @cinnamonbun332  @killtherandomness  @sanshinexxxsan  @fee-btheweeb  @press-lay  @cathleenpotgieter16  @jazzydoesstuff  @moonlxghtbay  @forestrain2000  @hyunjinhugs  @blood-of-fandoms  @lovellylies  @ukiyolixx  @simpforhpcharacters  @chrisdylan17  @parkerjisung  @pedernille  @theodonyous  @wineandionysus  @malfoystilinskii05  @morbid-x  @coryisagee  @jessewa26  @scoobydooluver97 @mindintheskies365  @raeanneinwonderland  @indecisive-empanada  @gluttonypalace  @loriane2503  @btsiguess-kpop  @khaoticbunny  @lucidlycactus  @smiithys  @rottenroyalebooks  @kpopgirlbtssvt  @fangirl-tc27  @fr0z3n-1  @notmesimpingfortechno  @shotarosleftpinky  @kunoi-chan  @idk-whats-wrong-with-me  @yikeroonie  @goldenstarofthunderclan  @poetry-and-tea  @ama-do-writing-stuff  @wishbonewolf  @emeraldxhope  @t0xick1tty  @kusuinko  @speakyourselfloveyourself  @sophia902103  @lo-manburg  @classsykittykat  @dmgama  @depressedpuppythatneedscoffee  @btsiguess-kpop  @akaashi-baby  @gun-jong-simp  @geschichtenfee  @yerapotato-wp  @browneyedgirl365  @thysagclub  @sparklycloudnight  @helloatomicshadow  @queentorresstuff @vtte @val-gal  @lucy-bunny17  @aaliyahh0  @katluckybear  @boyleanti  @straybids  @franchesca-791  @cosmicstorm19  @averyisbackinthetrashcan  @aomi-nabi  @xlanawriter  @allensimpsforcorpse  @sunnyrae-cessh  @ladykxxx08  @meowiemari  @renupf  @booklover76  @sra-verissimo  @beatrhizn  @blueberrystigma  @beatrhizn  @chicken-taco-burrito  @scorpios-echos

[lozenger8]

So-Far Best of Loz

These are the fics I’ve written that I love. Featuring Life on Mars, Psych, Teen Wolf, and Various Fandoms. 

Life on Mars

We start off with an oldie: Palimpsest, a remarkably dark mostly-gen but background Sam/Annie fic that heralded the first time I ever wrote something that turned out better than I imagined it. I had workshopped this fic for over a year, but finally wrote out the version that exists in, like, three days of righteous fury. 

Another gen-fic, but focussing even more on the Sam and Gene friendship: Gone Far Away into the Silent Land. I just really like the lyrical nature of this fic and its quiet melancholy. Also, the last line is killer, even if I say so myself.

Sam/Gene fic: Changes. How could I not link this, in which you can see that the current Loz who shipped Burt & Stu readily in Weird City has always been within me. This fic is the first time I ever managed multiple levels of plot, and yes, the pacing is a bit off, and the morals are hinky, but I will always love it. There are some scenes in this fic that I just think are *chef’s kiss*. 

Sam/Gene fic: it’s just gravitational, in which, years and years after writing Sam/Gene regularly, I finally nailed the short relationship fic I had always wanted to write. I reread this one simply for the wordplay and the sweetness and the bit at the end that makes my heart skip oddly. Well done, past-future-Loz, for finally writing a fic that past-past-Loz would have adored.

Psych

Your Code Name is Babalu, a Shawn/Lassiter Choose Your Own Adventure fic that fills me with delight to this day. My ability to nail Shawn’s voice after years of writing Mancunian cops was a revelation and brought me a lot of joy for a long time.

The Closet and Dr Caligari -- Shawn/Gus -- Look, there’s a lot wrong with this fic in small ways, from pacing issues to some telling rather than showing, I’m not gonna lie, but I still love it because it’s a murder mystery with a romance A-plot and it brings the kind of mostly humour with some light angst I like to Shawn/Gus when almost everyone else in Psych fandom brought high angst/melodrama. 

Teen Wolf

I Intend to be Independently Blue - Stiles/Derek. Sorry people who hate this pairing, but I will always love this fic. Getting to write something so different from anything I’d ever written before was such a breath of fresh air and I will always mourn what I thought could’ve been a great friendship between Stiles and Derek. (And, look, I think half of me still thought Derek was, like, 20 at most. Even though I made a Chris Hansen To Catch a Predator joke in the fic itself.)

giving up this whole lie, this whole me - Stiles/Derek again (with added Derek/Jennifer - written before we knew she was definitively evil). Ah, if only the show had allowed Derek to grow onscreen as well as off. I like the nuances and cadences of this fic. I like to write things with quiet desperation in them, and I feel this has that in spades. 

Apparent Lack of Ceremony - Scott/Stiles fic which was trying to resolve the sense I had at the time that Stiles was a little bitter about Scott and his lack of attention, and in which he was completely wrong-headed. This was as much a reaction to how fandom liked to paint Scott at the time (and to this day.) Plus, it’s, like, objectively hot. 

Fragile Bodies of Touch and Taste - Scott/Stiles - PWP that’s character-study and the sort of poetic I enjoy. And hot, again. I just really like it, what can I say. 

A Phenomenon When You Came Along - Scott/Stiles - my most consistently- plotted, well-rounded skittles fic, which is another story where I clutch my hands to my chest and murmur “Good job, me.” It’s just so cute, and real, and happy.

(don’t be mad) cause I’m doing me better than you doing you - Scott/Nogitsune, Scott/Stiles, Major Character Death. So at this point you might’ve been mistaken for thinking “Oh hey, Loz started out writing dark, morbid or super melancholy fic but she moved steadily towards the light and now she’s always sweetness and fluff.” And in this story I prove that within me there is always going to be a murky little trash-goblin, waiting to peek out into the sun. I love everything about this horrible story that I know I couldn’t read if it were written by anyone else. 

I Fear I Had a Love (And Now It’s Gone) - Scott/Stiles, bittersweet ending - see above. I still go ‘why did I do that?’ at myself, and the answer is always: because I needed and wanted to. 

every ribbon you used to tie yourself to me - Scott/Stiles - PWP. I feel like this is one of the hottest things I’ve ever written. (But I also really like First Time Ever I Saw Your Face, in that regard. [And Fraternization, because, as stated, I am a murky little trash-goblin.])

Lovemark 2.0 - Scott/Stiles - It’s my current baby and I love it so deeply for being adorable and fun, with an edge of character-study and an air of innocence. 

Various Fandoms

Don’t Get me Wrong, I’m Only Dancing - Britcom RPF that’s locked on Ao3. This is, hands-down, the cutest shit I’ve ever written and sometimes if I need a pick-me-up I will reread it and beam from ear to ear. 

5 Bottles of Wine and 1 Bottled Courage -- Brokenwood Mysteries -- Mike/Jared -- this is actually tied with Don’t Get me Wrong for being so goddamn cute I don’t know where to put myself. I also love the character voices and plotline and ambiance. 

All Its Splendid Glory - Merlin - Merlin/Arthur. There’s a reason this fic often gets recced around Christmas time. It’s fucking heartwarming. It’s fun, it’s lightly angsty, it has some good character-beats and witty lines. I wrote it in two days and it’s some of my finest shortfic work.

[sugarycloud]

Happy new year, my mates wanted a Joe and Dianne fic but I wrote this instead cos 7 years on and I still can’t give up Carolly fic, yipes. 

As easy as breathing, carolly rpf

It was strange really, like going back in a time warp. She was good friends with Dee so she saw Dermot more often than she would have otherwise. She had got used to Dermot. But now Gary was here, Gary who she hadn’t seen since Xtra. He hadn’t been there for half of it, he had no idea. And yet here he was, singing in Dee and Dermot’s lounge, women screaming at him, the memories flooding back, and all she could think about was Olly.

Gary finishes up ‘Greatest Day’, beaming around at the assembled audience, always happy to be in front of a crowd, and starts to sing ‘Happy Birthday’ as Dermot wobbles out of the kitchen with a candle loaded cake.

After the singing and the applause dies down to a chatter filled hum, Gary makes his way over to Caroline and bundles her up in a hug. He smells the same and only then does she realise she’s remembered how Gary Barlow smells this entire time. Olly had joked about getting the same aftershave as him to get all the ladies swooning but Caroline had protested, having got used to Olly’s scent and the comfort and allure it brought her.

‘Long time no see Caroline’

‘Indeed it is Captain’

Gary grins at the nickname

‘How have you been?’ he enquires

‘I’ve been fine’ she nods to herself, staring at the ground

‘How have you really been?’ Gary says gently and she wants to start crying there and then, at her friend’s birthday with her childhood crush asking after her. She should be happy.

And yet, she was still recovering from her broken heart. Andrew had burrowed deep, set up camp, made her think it was forever and then he had shattered her into a million pieces. She had thought he was different, she had thought so wrong.

Even without Andrew, there is Olly. Olly, who without contest, remained the love of her life. She had loved Andrew, she knows she had, she still did but it was nothing compared to how she felt for Olly, still did.

And with Gary and Dermot and Dee surrounding her, it was hard to fight against the wave of feelings currently brewing up inside her, the onslaught of memories that she couldn’t escape. They had only just started talking again. They were making tentative steps forward, they wanted to be back to where they were before X Factor.

But what did that even mean? He was still with Francesca before X. She was still in turmoil over Jack. Their lives had been upended during the whole thing and they had fought solace in each other. And then it had all exploded, far too much damage to repair. So they had run, the pair of them. They had ignored each other and acted like it had never happened. But of course it had, if it hadn’t happened, they would still speak, catch up every now and then, tweet each other, follow each other on social media, talk to each other at events. But no, there was none of that, there was nothing for two years, almost three.

It was the letter, she knows that. If she had known before, that writing a not so secret love letter to him in a publication, maybe she would have done it sooner. Hired a skywriter to fly over his Essex manor ‘Being with you was as easy as breathing’. And it had been, so easy. Being around him, sleeping with him, falling into kisses, falling into bed, into oblivion. Everything else felt like walking through fog, through criticism and hate and a world screaming nothing but negativity at them. But then they’d be in bed, just them, just bliss and the rest of it would all fall away.  They stuck their heads in the sand, it felt worth it. It was so good, it was euphoria between cotton sheets, ecstasy beyond anything she had known before.

Of course, all good things had to come to an end. And come to an end they did, gradually, bit by bit before it all exploded. She had thought he had loved her too. She had thought it was forever, he didn’t know how to do forever. They didn’t know how to stop after X, the sex was that good. But after that argument, he had left her house and never come back. And after that, nothing was said at all. The new precedent was set, they weren’t to talk about it and neither of them had any idea how to repair it at all, so they didn’t even try.

The letter had been a white flag calling out to him. ‘Being with you was as easy as breathing’. She wanted it back, she wanted her air back, her lungs and heart to fill to full capacity. And now that Andrew had gone, her hopes had started fluttering again. Could they repair it? Could they try again? Could they make it work this time?

Coming back to reality, Caroline smiles at Gary

‘I’ll be ok, I know I will’

‘Course you will’ he says with affirmation ‘so how’s Olly, seen him lately?’

‘No I haven’t actually, it’s been a while’

‘What happened there? I always thought you two were soulmates, the real thing’ Gary smiles ‘you reminded me of me and Dawn’

Caroline gives him a watery smile back

‘I remember you saying before’

He had, during the very early days of 2011, she knew Gary wanted them together just as everyone else did, he said it often.

‘Stuff happened, life happened’ she takes a breath ‘a lot happened’

Gary reaches over and gives her arm a reassuring squeeze

‘You’ll figure it out, you’re meant to be you two, that always figures itself out’

----

They haven’t properly met up yet. It had mostly been texts and calls. She didn’t know if his reasoning was the same as hers, that they knew what would happen if they ended up alone together again. She didn’t really see how that could be a bad thing.

Beyond that, they both knew whatever they wanted to say would be harder face to face, they hadn’t properly discussed any of it yet. What happened during X, what happened after X. How being with him was as easy as breathing. ‘Hope you don’t mind that I admitted to being in love with you in Cosmo’

She calls him in the taxi home from Dee’s

‘Hey Caz’

‘Hey Ols’

Even that made her heart glow. Caz and Ols, how they’d been from the start.

‘Everything alright? I thought you were at Dee’s birthday?’

‘Yeah I was, I’m heading home now’ she pauses, summoning up the bravery she needs ‘so are you free soon? To like meet up?’

‘Anything for you Caz’

She inhales some courage

‘Are you free tomorrow?’

----

She spends the afternoon hoovering. She isn’t really sure why, she has a thought in the back of her mind that they can’t have sex on a dirty floor. They’d had to deal with a few carpet burns during X and that was from the Hilton which had perfectly luxurious carpet. She didn’t think they had any chance on her wooden floors and assorted rugs.

She had left Ruby with Jo, she didn’t need disruptions for this, her nerves could barely handle it as it was. They had to talk, had to really talk and the thought alone of that terrified her.

‘So, you know you broke my heart right? Utterly beyond repair. And I ended up with some dickhead instead of you. Who also broke my heart. But now I want you back because my god I miss you, I miss the sex, I miss it all being as easy as breathing. So don’t break my heart again ok?’

The doorbell rings.

---

She can feel her heart jump out of her chest the moment she opens the door. He is starting there looking at the ground, scuffing his shoes, a sheepish look on his face. He turns to face her as the door opens and she can’t quite read his expression.

‘Hey Ols’ she smiles shyly, acting far calmer than she feels ‘come on in’

‘Y’alright Caz?’ he smiles at her, follows her in and closes the door ‘nice place you have here’

‘Thanks’ she twists her hands between her, staring at his shoes, unable to meet his eye ‘you’ve not been here have you? I forgot’

‘No, no I haven’t, you moved after we…’ he trails off, swinging his arms like a pair of pendulums at his side, an awkward and heavy silence descending

‘After we had that raging fight at my old place after having sex for the last time and then you left and we didn’t speak for two years’ she wants to say. She can’t.

She clears her throat, her heart thudding and she offers tea, unable to think of anything else to do in this uncomfortable situation of her own making.

They sit on her sofa and hold their mugs in their hands, a warm comfort to ward off the bad feelings hanging over them.

After a few sips, Olly puts his down on her coffee table and turns to face her, she meets his eye this time, feeling the air charge

‘It was my fault, you know, why we fell out, I’ve always felt guilty about it’

She wants to be petty and question what he has to be guilty for, what exactly, the minute details. The argument of how he didn’t want a relationship, not turning up at the NTAs, how she got blasted in the press for being fired whereas he ‘left’, how he made her fall completely in love with him and then broke her heart, how he took away her air.

‘I saw Gary the other day you know’ she says and he looks confused at the abrupt change of topic

‘Barlow?’

‘Yes Barlow, he was singing at Dee’s birthday, it felt like 2011 all over again’

‘During Xtra, back when it was easy’

‘It wasn’t that easy Ols, god knows we had enough drama in 2011. We used to fight all the time’

‘It was the all the sexual tension’ he says with an inflection of joking but they both know it is true

‘Well it was, we never acted on it, all that tension flying around had to go somewhere. So we fought and we became best friends’ she lets out a sad sigh ‘we really were, you know, especially back in 2015. Even when everything was going on…’

‘When we were screwing each other senseless you mean?’

Caroline rolls her eyes at him

‘Yes that but I mean everything else, we went through such shit during X and you were the only one who really truly understood what it was like. Even without the sex, you were my best friend during those crazy months’

‘Caz…’

‘Don’t Ols, you always used to do that too, say Caz all soft and sad’

It had been like that the first time. They had been drinking at the Hilton, it was late and everyone else had gone to bed. He had broken up with Francesca only a couple of weeks previous. He looked at her, whispered her name, staring through her like he could see her soul. He had been so close and she couldn’t remember who had leaned forward but they were kissing and it felt like coming up for air.

They had gone to her room and after four years of waiting, they couldn’t get naked fast enough. They might as well as been shouting ‘finally’ along with their moans of pleasure. They had more than made up for the long wait that night. And so many times after.

Caroline didn’t even love the sex the most. It was the little things, the stolen kisses in dressing rooms, the waking up beside him, the constant text messages and phone calls, having coffee together during rehearsals, hugging him close at the end of each weekend, one more week checked off.

She had known she loved him near the start of X Factor but she didn’t fully realise it until they were together, in all the ways, all the time. Kissing him, sleeping with him, talking to him constantly, collectively it wound her heart up in such knots until she could barely handle it.

And then after X, when they really should have stopped. She kept telling herself, her heart kept tugging at him, that it would work out. That a couple of drunken snogs with random girls meant nothing. That and the times they kept hooking up, but never going on actual dates should have set alarm bells ringing, alas.

She had been so mad after his no show at the NTAs as well, she had gone to his and they had argued but they ended up just having mind blowing make up sex.

It had been mid March, at hers. He was in town for work and asked if he could pop by after. She wasn’t busy and she knew what it was for so she’d said yes. But after he had got up to go home and she couldn’t take it anymore. She wanted answers, she wanted more than just casual hook ups with the love of her life.

And he had given her answers, answers she soon realised she didn’t want at all. He didn’t want this, a relationship, more press invasion, commitment. He wanted fun and sex and he wanted her. But her tangled heart couldn’t fathom having only a part of him. She wanted it all, he wanted a part. There was no compromise, and the fallout had been catastrophic.

He had stormed out, they deleted each other off all the social media and communication ceased. Caroline felt like a part of her heart had been scooped out, a cold hole right in the centre of her that she couldn’t rid of, her air stolen from her. He had left one of his jumpers at hers and she had slept in it for weeks after. She lost count of how many times she picked up the phone to call him, or text him, or to stalk him on all the social media she had unfollowed him on.

Time was a healer they said, she moved on, she told herself she was over him, and the pain did lessen as the months and years went by. But it never truly went away. And now sitting here, on her sofa with Olly, making her angry and sad and filled with love as he says her name softly, her emotions churn and curdle within her, firing in every direction. She puts her tea down, takes a giant breath and slides into his lap. His arms come around her, like a jigsaw fitting into place. He smells exactly the same.

She leans back to look at him and she doesn’t know who leans in, but they are kissing. Kissing like they haven’t kissed since the very first time. She wants him so badly, she feels like she could crawl right into his skin, nothing is close enough. Being with him is as easy as breathing.

She hears something fall over as he chucks his shirt across the room, she doesn’t care. She flings her bra in the same direction, as he kisses here and she scrunches into him, gripping his hair with all her might. She undoes the button and fly on his jeans before her own and realises they will have to part to get out of their trousers. Such a dilemma, to move apart to be closer together.

She reluctantly rises off him and he hops up beside her to drag down his own too tight jeans. Sans trousers and pants, Olly kneels before her and thumbs her underwear down, his mouth at her navel.

‘God I’ve missed this’ he says softly as he kisses there

He grabs behind her knees, pulling her towards the floor, and as she hits the floor with a slight thud it flits across her mind that she is glad she hoovered.

‘Are you still on-?’

‘Yeah, yeah’

He is still between her legs, kissing the inside of her thighs but for once, she is too impatient.

‘Come here’ she beckons and he puts his arms either side of her, hovering above her as she kisses him, her arms around his neck, her hands bundled in his hair, her heart exploding with love for him.

He moves within her, his face burying into and kissing her neck, and it feels like the future and the past all at once.

Caroline wraps her legs around his back and they twist and turn as she ends up above him

‘My favourite view’ he smirks as she laughs with ecstasy and joy

They convene upstairs afterwards, a replay all over again of the first time, making up for lost moments, lost could have been memories. Only in the late evening after they’ve eaten and crawled back into bed, do they properly talk again. She lies on his chest, his fingers playing on her back, the other arm stretched behind his head. It felt easier like this, like the way it was before, rather than stifled and fully clothed conversations on her couch.

‘You broke my heart you know’

‘Yeah, I’m sorry, I do know that’ he sighs and kisses her head

‘It was just so much Caz. And I handled it completely wrong, I know I did. But as much as I wanted to be with you, I didn’t know how. I had just ended the most serious relationship of my life and then within no time at all, you and me were fucking, all while X Factor was going on. By the end, it felt like we’d been on a rollercoaster and when we got off, I was so dizzy I could barely get my thoughts straight. All I knew was that I couldn’t do it. All of it. You wanting marriage and babies when my mind was in turmoil was too much to handle. So I fucked it up, I didn’t know what else to do’

Caroline feels her mind clear a fraction, muddled up things finally starting to make sense. They were both broken after X Factor, Caroline wanted to move on, move on with him. Olly didn’t know how.

‘When did you figure all this out Ols?’

‘In therapy’

‘Was it good, did it help?’

‘It did, yeah. It makes you realise things that sometimes are staring you right in the face but your mind is just too messed up to see. It puts things in order a bit’

‘Yeah I get that, it helps.’

‘And of course I wanted to make things right with you. But I didn’t know how. We hadn’t spoken in such a long time. And then you were with Andrew. But then that letter’ he sighs ‘it made me realise that you still loved me’

‘So you messaged me’

‘So I messaged you’

‘We broke up that day you know, I mean we broke up a lot of times, I was so stupid, it was all so stupid, but he knew I still loved you. He saw my face when I got that text. He felt like second choice and Andrew never liked being second’

‘Don’t I know it’ Olly laughs

‘Oh shush’ she pokes him in the ribs ‘you came second on a talent show once, you’ve had plenty of number ones since to make up for it’ she pauses ‘you’re the love of my life, first forever and always’

She looks up to him and he kisses her, a soft smooch, the kind you’d have in the morning before you’d depart for the day. An ‘I’ll see you later’ kiss, not the all consuming ferocious kind they had leading to sex.

‘You’re the love of my life too Caz, forever and always’ he smiles, kisses her again ‘so what do you reckon? Do you think we can make this work?’

‘What do you think? Do you think we can make this work? The way we should have back then?’

‘Yeah Caz, I think we can’

‘We’re going to have to talk, properly, do this thing right’

‘Caz, darling, we can talk as much as you like, whatever you need, I’m your man’

‘Yes’ she grins ‘yes you are’

Caroline takes a breath, her lungs full of air, her heart happy. As easy as breathing.