#it genuinely helped because it wasnt belittling | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

elfdyke · 3 years ago

Note

wow thanks! that was a really in depth post about it you make good points! when I played I definitely got the sense that monika had encouraged sayori to kill herself and I didn’t get the sense of any remorse when natsuki or yuri died or got fucked up but I guess u do make some good points there about how she was just trying to make them less desirable rather than kill them. I’m new to the game and the fandom so im not super familiar with everything yet but is there anything in the canon or lore that points away from monika having pushed sayori to commit suicide or is it mostly just fan theories and personal readings? either way thank u so much for answering!

yes i can absolutely find you some info on that!

there's quite a bit of information hidden within the games files, so I'm kind of assuming if you're new to the game, that you might not have seen these things? so ill dive into them too!

I'm gona do this under the cut so i can like, dissect things from the game !

(also i found stuff thats specifically pointing away from her meaning actual harm/death for Both yuri and sayori, jsyk)

iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii.txt (discovered in game files during act 2)

“All I want is for you to hate them. Why is that so hard.”

not, all i want for them is to die. she doesnt want to kill them. she wants to separate us from them so we are with Her, not them. things spiral out of control, but it was never her intention for things to get this bad. ntm its repeated over and over in this game how badly monika wants to die. she's hanging on by a thread, keeping on only because she wants to be with us, to be in contact with reality. this leads to really unfortunate circumstances but i really strongly believe everything in the text alludes to the fact she did Not want things to get this bad

ACT 3 INTRO:

(im copy pasting a transcript of the monologue here, but this is taken from the very beginning of act 3, which you can see in this video starting at 25:56)

imo this is all the proof needed to show that she really had no intention of ‘killing’ sayori and yuri. things spiraled out of control far beyond what she was capable of handling.

her goals with making sayori more depressed and yuri more obsessive were, in here words “to just try to make them as unlikable as possible”. she didnt want her friends to brutally die!! she loved them q_q i feel like a lot of people really dont look at this specific part of what she says and take it to heart. its very telling for her character and important for understanding what she does and why she does it

ACT 3 MONOLOGUES:

sayori's hanging (cw: graphic descriptions of suicide)

dialogue of importance:

"I was thinking about Sayori earlier... I still wish I could have handled that whole thing a little more tactfully."

"Come to think of it, it was probably less 'changing her mind' and more just her survival instincts kicking in." "So you can't really fault her for that." "It's easier to think that she probably wouldn't have changed her mind anyway, right?" "It's not healthy to think about the things you could have done differently." "So just remember that even though you could have saved her, it's technically not your fault she killed herself." "I may have exacerbated it a little bit, but Sayori was already mentally ill." "Still, though..." "I wonder how things would be if you and I just started dating from the get-go?" "I guess we'd all still be in the clubroom, writing poems and having fun together." "But what's the point when none of it is even real?" "I mean, it's the same ending either way, right?"

ok so whats important here, is monika is essentially using us, the player, as a mirror in act 3? the things she says i believe, very strongly show her sense of uncertainty in her actions, and her fears of what if she could have done something else??

"even though you could have saved her, its technically not your fault she killed herself" reads SO much to me like shes trying to comfort herself with this, she doesnt want it to be her fault. nothings real, sayori's a character in a game. but she wishes so badly they could have just been normal girls living together.

happy end poem

OK SO LIKE. this is actual proof of Why she does everything she does. she's scared if she reaches out and tells us she's trapped in a game, we'll stop playing, we'll kill her. she tinkers with the game, trying to make herself look the best, trying to make us choose her, and nothing works. and this leads to her becoming frustrated and scared, and screwing with the game more and more desperately trying to do anything to save herself.

if you recall, in act 2, she gives you a poem which bluescreen the computer. this was actually an attempt she makes to escape the game q_q she never wanted to kill yuri, she never wanted things to escalate like that. she wanted to get out but she had no idea how to program her way out of the game, resulting in everything crumbling around her, and her friends dying.

my own route

hang on this one genuinely makes me so upset.

it very much relates back to how in the conversation about sayori's suicide, she's still clearly thinking about how things could be Different. shes thinking about how they could be normal. "I may not have needed to take such drastic measures to be with you. Maybe the rest of the club would still be around..." , and then immediately trying to convince herself it doesnt matter, and that she doesnt care.

its so so obvious shes hurting and she misses her friends. the additional "i really dont (miss them)" at the end really shows that shes desperately trying to convince herself that it was worth it, that she did everything she should have, and her friends dont matter. but they clearly do matter to her. she loved them (she couldnt even delete them if u recall)

also another important part about this monologue, a lot of people say she killed the other girls out of jealousy, but this shows thats not true??

"I think I would end up forcing you onto my route anyway." "It has less to do with me not having a route, and more to do with me knowing that nothing is real."

this wasnt because shes 'in love' with us. she wanted to be close to something real, something tangible. she's clinging onto us, the player character, like someone lost at sea with a piece of driftwood, doing everything she can to stay afloat

wine

ok this isnt on the surface level as important as the other ones, but literally look at how she talks about this memory.. she misses them so much and talking about this memory she clearly cherishes brings her so much joy. she doesnt belittle any of them, she doesnt talk down on them, she’s just reliving this memory because it makes her happy

I HOPE THIS HELPS?? im sure theres a few more things im forgetting, but i did my best to scrabble up everything i could to show how monika’s not an evil mastermind, shes a scared girl who didnt realize what she was doing and when things got too bad, she did her best to fix it, only for it to get worse n worse

edit: oh heres the proof that monika always loved the girls and never actually deleted them

:’)

edit 2: haha.. um ouch

“It’s not right for me to miss things that weren’t even real in the first place.” shes forcing herself to try and ignore her feelings for the other girls

#asks #anon #ddlc #monika #oh i put warnings in the post but also #suicide mention

33 notes · View notes

doomednarrative · 3 years ago

Text

On the topic of listening to "Marsha, Thank You for the Dialectics" one too many times, and the idea that you might be identifying too much with your trauma and mental illness:

----

If you've followed me for any length of time on this blog, you'll probably be aware of two things about me:

A. I'm clearly mentally ill in some regard, and B. I use music to cope and work thru the issues related to my mental illness and trauma a lot.

The past four years have been both the worst and best years of my life. I ran away from an abusive home, I've gone thru two major breakups and one of them just absolutely rocked my shit for awhile, I've been consistently working thru my queer identity and figuring all of that out for myself, and the list goes on.

Finally leaving an environment that had trapped me in a cycle of traumatic experiences for years left me in a weird place. For once I was somewhere where my illness and suffering was being taken seriously and not constantly belittled and ignored, and my queerness was accepted and respected. And that felt great!

What Wasnt so great about that was the Overwhelming feelings of "oh my god I've been suffering for so long and now that i'm out of that place, I cant stop thinking about it and realizing how much its truely fucked me up and worsened my mental health" that came with everything else.

And with that overwhelm, somewhere along the line I started to identify with that suffering. I had spent so long in a place that refused to acknowledge that I was hurting at all, that now that I was in a place where I could truely express that hurt and how it affected me, I didnt want to let go of it.

This was a cycle that went on for awhile, and one that I didn't really realize I was trapped in until about March this year.

Enter Will Wood and his wonderful music.

I'd heard of him months before, already had Dr. Sunshine and Hand Me My Shovel in my spotify library. But I didn't really give him a Proper listen until Miles suggested I do so, and I fell in love almost immediately with his stuff. Underneath his music just being fun and wild to listen to, Will's music talks so openly and genuinely about deeper themes of personal identity and mortality and the current culture we live in, and so many other important things.

"Marsha, Thank You for the Dialectics" is a song about both sides of the mental health discussion and about the struggle of how everyone deals with their own personal identity in relation to their mental health treatment. Its a song that once I heard what it was really saying, it slapped me in the fucking face to say the least. I havent heard someone describe the things this song is trying to say in a way that actually made sense and summed up my feelings on the discussion so nicely ever honestly. The things Will addresses in this song are important, and its all stuff I've personally pondered on for awhile too.

Some lyrics that really stuck out to me would be these two:

"Who makes the call, whats a symptom whats a flaw, can it be both? Well I suppose thats an answer."

"Ain't your identity at stake? Does aspirin kill you with the pain?"

What a complex question, isnt it? Does treatment kill your identity, change who you are as a person? Is that a bad thing? Whats really a symptom of the mental illness and what makes it that? Do those symptoms also count as personal flaws?

What do you do when you identify too much with your illness that you feel you can't get treatment for it?

That was the real question I got stuck on for myself. Because after a lot of deeper reflection on my own behavior and thoughts towards my illness and trauma, I made a discovery I hadn't known before really thinking about what this song was saying:

I found that I was scared to be treated. I was scared of finding an identity outside of my illness. I had become so accustomed to defining a part of myself by my suffering, that i became afraid of what or who I could become without it constantly weighing me down. And thats a very heavy thing to realize about yourself, but it was a very eye opening thought for me to have.

And I dunno how much longer itd have taken me to figure out if it wasnt for this song tbh. Its just not something I wanted to think about for awhile. I became content with identifying myself by my illness, and I was resistant to seeking out treatment for fear that I wouldnt like who I'd become if I tried to treat it.

Thankfully, this is something I've been working thru more recently after having that revelation.

I don't really have some grand statement to make at the end of this. I'm really just here journalling and writing down how I feel about all of this stuff recently. But, I do think theres something to be said about how art and music can really affect people. Hell knows I've had quite a few good mental revelations about myself since listening to Wills music more recently. Its been helpful honestly.

If you take anything away from this tho, maybe it should be that its not a bad thing to examine just how much you define yourself by your illness and trauma sometimes. You might find that you're in a little too deep sometimes and want to pull yourself out.

You're more than what your illness is. And treatment for it isn't a bad thing either. I may just be learning this for myself, but I do think its true.

Just something for yall to ponder for now I suppose.

#like i said. this is just a personal journal post about some thoughts ive had recently related to wills music #lord knows I could talk more about the effect his music has had on me recently too. maybe ill do that later too.#me talking #will wood #wwatt #long post #rambling #ill put a read more on this later but im on mobile rn #okay to rb

26 notes · View notes

floralkittygambler · 4 years ago

Text

Reposting for reasons

Response to Honest’s post here: Doing this to spread this awareness more as I know theres a bit of a rift in the critical community - plus I really fucking go on. Im PISSED and I do apologise however it NEEDS urgent addressing. I know people will hate me for it but Im used to hate and honestly? Hating rather than helping to solve the issue only furthers my fucking point here. So yeah this is so more people are aware (no offense to any of those involved in said rift either, but this is an important message. Thank you for understanding and if I can do anything to make all sides comfortable, then please message me and I’ll do my upmost.) “ More awareness of this is needed. Even if it’s your favourite, you can’t justify their shit but rally against another’s shit. Have people tell you you’re experiences arent real or invalid because, like Husk, people have - in real life - shipped you with someone you are far from comfortable with but you still treat them like a person. Because you have basic respect. And people force you to accept harassment, touching, stalking, advances for THEIR satisfaction. People use you for their fantasies. But you’re just a ‘tsundere’ for it. Or you have addiction issues but people think being with another addict will ‘save’ you because you’re apparently too incompetent to save yourself. Love isnt some magic fuckin cure so stop romanticising it as a fuckin saviour. It’s gross and fuckin creepy. Get stalked and have someone NEVER accept your no just because you show youre still decent enough to not treat them shitty or any different from anyone else. Try having someone way older or way younger (both in morally fucked up ways) advance on you and people encourage that. People you’re supposed to feel safe around.

People touch you when you pull away or show discomfort. Follow you home. Have pictures of you and wont accept you dont like them like that and it’s not ‘playing hard to get’ or ‘the thrill of the chase’. Fuck. OFF. In fact, Im not only disappointed in the fandom. Im disappointed in the entire team who some should know better from their OWN personal experiences - or at least the bare minimal of being a fucking adult. Im disappointed in especially females (sorry idk whether girl or woman is more appropriate here-) who statistically are more likely to have experienced something similar at some point in their lives think this is a cute gay moment. No. Angel is made out as a fucking predator - Im not saying he is, Im saying that his persistence is very fucking unwelcome like one. People like Husk dont need that fucking invasiveness. They/We need patience and someone on our level. Angel’s I know are the fuckin polar opposite - and some of them I know are very sexually harassing, including unwanted touching. It’s a shitty way to present gay people. Gays are fuckin people. Some are cunts and some arent. It’s a HUMAN thing. But considering the shit theyve been subjected to, presenting a gay as a victim only to also show them as a perpetrator is insulting! And for those Ive seen argue this about how people like AD wouldnt know how to express their love normally and whatnot? His pig. His best friend. He’s in his fucking 30s. There are literal real life criminals who get molested as kids and then go on to molest kids. Not all who grow up like that turn into nonces. Stop just fucking STOP justifying and romanticising this bullshit! I used to see the good in AD but now he makes me fucking sick. Especially with my verrrrrry fucking real traumas and connections. But fuck me, eh? Because this fictional guy matters so much more. Fuck real victims. And whilst we’re at it, fuck AD too when it suits your fetishes! Sarcasm aside, the fans and the team need to straighten up their abhorrent behaviour. Stolas. Fucking clearly having an affair, knowingly fucking up his daughter’s mental health and bribing a guy into sex who only wants the book and nothing more. He even has a fucking warning button over Stolas- Guys, how do you think any of this is cute? Even the team gross me out- I genuinely see potential and talent and it’s all gone to shit to satisfy horny teens, horny adults, and literally everyone who doesnt for the life of them understand being an adult is more than sex, drugs, violence and swears! I REALLY want to keep enjoying HB/HH but it’s getting harder and harder with such ignorant and bordering lazy creators (note: lazy as in wont do the fucking research or actually listen to real criticism and victims), such despicable fans (yeah, some HDers fuckin mocked that they triggered my ED, yet they had the fucking NERVE to support Angel’s potential ED AND laugh and blame me for me getting treated so badly for actually having the balls to call Angel and the teams hypocrisy. I got told to kill myself, that my problems arent real - oh but Angels apparently is! Which... They *are* but AD isnt real so technically only onlookers will suffer and not a drawing - and they just excused their toxic behaviours. These people are like “aww poor angie babey!” yet fuckin INSULT sex workers. All this red in Hazbin yet it feels everyone and they mama colour blind. The issues are getting worse and fans are outright becoming EVIL, VILE, Vindictive little bullies - from kids to adults. You SHOULD be ashamed of yourself if you conduct yourself in such a manner. And you need to readjust your attitudes and behaviours because the only fuckers getting hurt are actual fucking victims. Ever been violated and been gaslit so much you STILL fucking question it’s reality? So you drown that shit out yet somehow it’s effects still hit you? Fetishise it. Make it your uwu gae couple goals, you’re no better than people believing Harley and the Joker werent toxic af. If this shit happened to you, most of you would actually SEE where we’re all coming from. Also, stop making gay a fetish - you’re like those creepy old men in the alley heckling lesbians to make out so they can wank off. Gays, no ALL the LGBT+ are fucking people too. So dont give me that bullshit then start turning everything just gay or just straight to mentally wank off to. It’s degrading and dehumanising. And yes, fiction does effect reality. You crush on a fictional character? Mourn one? Support one? Hell, fuckin jerk off to one - that’s affecting reality. Remember how in fiction all blacks were treated as villians? Look how theyre treated IRL. JAWS, great classic unfortunately their was a spike in shark killings over a fucking movie - the shark in the movie wasnt even real for the most part because they dont behave like that! (Also the animatronic was so shit they genuinely had so many issues - I think they even took to naming each one! Some fun trivia there!). Tiger sharks are more nasty than great whites as tiger sharks will hunt and eat a human. Great whites prefer seals and dislike human flesh, they just mistake us for seals. Hell, theres the toothless basking shark - theyre often SWAM WITH by divers for being so friendly. Yet Jaws made people think all sharks are bloodlusting over humans. Slenderman was created for a fucking contest and that influenced a stabbing (NOT Victor’s fault). Watch a horror movie that isnt based on a real life event and tell me that at least ONE has left you peaking over your shoulder. Stella may be a bitch - we dont know for certain - but try getting cheated on. Y’know what? Try growing up in such a broken home like Octavia. Yeah reaaaaaal fucking cute now, huh? Funny how as well y’all petition for male victims to be taken seriously then laugh when fictional males experience this abuse, further adding to stigma. You can be hit on by the hottest mf on the planet but if you arent interested, that should be respected! Also we’ve all been inspired by at least one fictional character so yeah. Yknow, since I was little Ive been fighting for sex worker and homeless rights. But HH/HB treatment of both leave a bitter taste in my mouth. I’ll still fully support sex workers and the homeless, but that’s the fucking effect this show is having. Bearing in mind I wont ever share everything Ive been through - and I shouldnt fucking have to in order to be believed and validated (obvs proof is required in a legal case but that’s a whole other topic). Why should I share MY fucking pain especially when you fuckers have belittled and triggered it more so? We have our rights to our secrets but fuck ME you lot NEED to start acting appropriately and like decent fucking humans. ‘iTs HeLl’ yeah and welcome to Earth- the team and yourselves live HERE. You obide by THESE rules. And as someone with beliefs (and a LOT of ancient fucking texts and studies on this shit) their Hell isnt even a proper Hell! It’s closer to purgatory and even then it’s not. Regardless, it’s a poorly built world with the lore consistently changing per episode and tweet, with many plot holes, and is apparently easy to get into - even via accidentally watching porn according to a stream. If youre gonna parade youre a fucking expert and research into demonology and use real believed figures, at least get THAT right. In fact, Lucifer and Lilith (and Stolas tbf) are ESPECIALLY risky as theyre a lot more complex than most easy access texts will tell you. Likewise, Stolas’s first introduction and main focus is sex. He’s one of the FEW Goetia demons that dont have some involvement in relationship issues at ALL. He’s known for astrology, crystals and herbs but hes also known to aid MONEY troubles (it’s lesser known but it’s true! HB Stolas is an insult to the Prince). Turning Vodou into something evil is vile considering it’s powerful and liberated slaves. Pentagrams are nothing to do with Satan, they’re magic based sigils. Upside down cross is the symbol of a SAINT. It’s just some edgy attempt to trick people into believing they know more than they do. Also you should NEVER dabble and doodle sigils without knowing the meanings or respecting what they behold. Vox and Val, real fuckin cute way to make them look like a stupid fucking highschool drama instead of a fucking SEX TRAFFICKER (note: real pimps often target YOUNG folks too - aka minors - and groom them into sex work. Theres different types of pimp. Viv has shown barely any understanding of ‘the game’ and its a fucking insult to injury. Yes we KNOW what a fucking pimp and prozzie are! We dont need to see it. We need REAL AWARENESS.) and a fucking scheming bastard of a CEO salesman botman. And yet even THEN lets go a step further and make some yandere wuv on boyfweind aboose! Fuck off- Now I love a good anime but these tropes are getting fucking dangerous now. And unrealistic to real love and relationships. Kids nowadays know fuck all on a healthy relationship (neither did the fuckin 50s tbf) and Im seeing more romaticism and glorifying abusive situations. Like the show ‘You’. Ok, there’s a fuckin bloke online who slaughtered innocents and kidnapped yet people commented how cute he is on his IG and that they want to be kidnapped or killed by him next. Dont believe me? Look up Peter Manfredonia Connecticut and the comments people left him and then tell me why shit like whats being presented in HH/HB ISNT fucking concerning - because it is. For a series about redemption, it’s brilliant at the opposite (Quote from the creator herself, Viv has posted that it’s influencing her bad choices. Even as a joke, proof’s in the pudding). And the overall focus on sex in the way Viv does is so immature and really creepy, and this is from an ADULTS perspective. From one adult to another, Im concerned as to why any of them think this is a normal fixation. Then again they’ve hired quite a large amount of dodgy folks and even a child. Most of this shit gets avoided with a basic background check like most companies run. I DO like Hazbin. Or the premise. I love some of the cast and spite the others. In Helluva, I just like a tiny portion of the cast. And I critique it so harshly because Viv DOES need a wakeup slap, grounding to reality, people who arent going to big her up or kiss her arse for once and shape her up to be the best she can be. The actually reach and even surpass her potential. And to reach where you need to be, there’s a lot of harsh lessons youll face. That’s life. Shes chosen one of the most HEARTLESS industries and if she blocks out critique as ‘hate’ then she’s not strong enough and wont last. It’s just another unprepped YanDev again (except I dont believe Viv to be a nonce. Even with her dodgy past and dodgy present, I think her perspective on sex and relationship with sexuality is FAR from healthy BUT I dont believe she’s a pedophile. Ive bled my fair share and so far, I just think her sex perspective isnt healthy or mature for her age. But there’s little to nothing to suggest actual noncery - dont worry about accusations there. But YanDev is totally a dirty predator. Just clearing that up). Viv NEEDS some harshness and stability if she wants to do things right. And it’ll make her fucking cry but if she loves these projects as much as she claims to, then you’ll sacrifice blood, sweat and tears for that shit. Even the strongest points are mediocre at best when properly observed. She CAN do more, but she’ll have to face the harsh music. Viv wont see this, but if she does, I dont care if it upsets her. Why? Because this is that much of an issue - something she’s cultivated - that she needs to take action and not ignore it or be secretive about it. She needs to grow up and get tougher skin. Im not saying this to cause her pain. In fact, I wouldnt waste my fucking limited time if I DIDNT care. Trust me, I have duties to be met at a certain quota every single day. I say this shit only because I give a shit and care. If we met, she’d fucking hate me. But people like me are good for shaping people up to their potential. And we arent always this ‘tough love’ either. But when someone needs that level of harshness to help themselves, we’re not afraid to lose people or cause upset if the results end up being the best for them. If she ever saw this, she needs to re fucking evaluate her message, her story, and those she’s choosing to welcome into her circle. And all Im seeing is one rookie mistake after the other. Her paid patreon discord. Just like the messages Honest has posted on her side of being harassed (not in Vivs fyi), Ive experienced shit and bullying and even stay silent on their for being attacked for a group I fuckin paid to be in and yet I feel isolated. It’s all arsekissing and ‘thank you viv’ (thats an actual channel-) and it feels like a place of borderline worship and people trying to appease her 24/7 whilst kicking others with different opinions down. There’s so many I love but I aint kissin yer fuckin arse. Ask the closest friend I have - we’re fucking raw and wont just side with each other just because. We’ll call each other out if we think they’ve fucked up and then help each other build themselves up better. Because real fuckin people who actually care wont just want to be adored by you. They’ll care enough to point out your bullshit and help you, even if they upset you at the time. They’re real and upfront with you. People like us arent always the easiest to be close to either because we arent afraid of upsetting someone if it’s in their best interest and to help them. Likewise, we dont go out looking for fights either. Most times, we’re fuckin soft bastards- All this shit listed is the fuckin surface level of the real life hell of this fandom. And unsurprisingly, those who experience little to no toxicity have always been higher on that popularity ‘food chain’ - enough admirers and shared opinions that people wanna arse kiss regardless of their OWN feelings as well as neutral perspectives. I’d say you’re the lucky fans, but you’re not. You’re sheltered, and that isnt always the best way to be sadly. As for the fans. If Ive upset you. Well... I dont care. Because many of you have actively sought me out and weaponised my traumas against me. You never cared about my feelings then. Why should I care about yours? Im not doing this out of malice. Im fed up of humans behaving so pathetically yet claiming to be high and mighty. Most of you have been arseholes to those in and out of the community. The victims and non-victims alike. Hardly any of you considered once my real suffering. You put a drawing over a life. Many lives. You had the audacity to tell me Im full of shit. Some even using my real traumas to make a mockery of me and those Im around with a very similar history. Some with traumatic histories that differ from my own. You hardly ever considered the real lives of those effected. So no, Im not sorry for having the fucking balls to this day to still stand up for our rights and give us a voice that’s long been stolen. Im not sorry for being a fucking victim. Im not sorry for saying what desperately NEEDS voicing. And Im not sorry for not conforming to you or any fandom just to belong. We deserve better than to constantly be your fuckin arse monkeys (well... the trope is butt monkey but yknow-) and to be mistreated, misrepresented and harmed by you. You’re no different to the school bullies who give speeches on anti-bullying day. And I hope every single one of you starts looking into yourselves and improving. PS: Depending on the texts you read, Lucifer is said to have been redeemed or to be redeemed. Fun fact to haunt yalls with~ “

#warning long #long post #hazbin critical #very long rant #important #hear victims voices #just sick of how awful people can treat one another and believe this is acceptable #everyone is accountable #toxic fanbase #Toxic shippers #toxic ships #im literally too fucking old for this #forgive the anger but after years and years it gets so cumbersome and tiring #im happy to be the pariah if it means victims actually get heard and helped

6 notes · View notes

mxrcayong · 4 years ago

Text

avatar series: 01.19

masterlist.

previous | next

Exiting the crumbling arena, the group was greeted by the rising sun. The early hours of the morning were characterized by the usual red and orange sky, but unlike usual – an invisible and often ignored worries about the Equalist party have evaporated. Kilari swore she never realized how much her worries impacted her day; but as she saw Amon in handcuffs, her heart lifted.

“Good work on the back exit, Mr…” Lin turned to look at Jisung as she continues to constrain Amon in his cuffs.

Jisung was fumbling over his words at her recognition – this is the woman he always looked up to, who happens to be the daughter of his major idol. “Mr Park, Jisung Park, Ma’am General.” Lin chuckled to herself at her own impact on the flustered kid.

“The police in front just messaged me it’s surrounded by media,” Lin sighed, her eyes turning to look at one of the very few people she considers family unconscious and potentially… Lin can’t even think about it. “Tari would want to keep her identity hidden.” She looked up gently at Sukiara, “Can you tell me when she wakes up?” When Sukiara let out a hum of agreement, The general let out a solemn nod before dryly coughing. “Now, I got to take this asshole to the cameras, c’mon.” She was quick to hide her emotions, giving everyone a nod as she drags Amon’s weakened self away.

But Amon turned around. “This isn’t the end.” He sinisterly laughed, “The Equalist party is strong, we have people on the inside, we have-“ Lin gave him a particular hard shove, making him quiet down.

“We need to bring her to the infirmary.” Sukiara noted, motioning to Tari in Johnny’s arms. “If an Avatar passed out after Avatar State, it only lasts a few minutes.” She explained, “…but this so far is the longest time an Avatar is unconscious after exiting the state.” The guardian tried to hide her emotions through a stiffer demeanor, her hands behind her back and her shoulders wider than usual. She was giving herself more ground and, in a sense, give her more stability. It’s her usual public speaking stance to keep her nerves in check. It wasn’t working, unfortunately, as whenever she looked at Tari – she felt her knees bend into itself.

Yuta and Jisung were entranced by the arena. Their home away from home have crumbled into pieces, collapsed into itself. It was as if it was a biscuit, crumbled in the hands of Amon, and here are the crumbs. They would spend hours and hours here, training and practicing. Hell, this is where they met.

Sonan noticed them lagging behind as Kilari, Johnny (and thus Tari), and Sukiara climbed onto the flying bison. Their eyes were like a puppy kicked to a curb, pleading that this was not real. They looked harmed and broken, despite the events of last night. “Let’s get a move on,” Sonan mumbled, comfortingly placing her arms around their shoulders. “We should get Tari to an infirmary.” Jisung and Yuta had to tear their feet away from the ground they stood on, climbing onto the bison that patiently waited for their presence.

Johnny refused to let go of Tari. Even when they were on the flying bison, Tari’s head was on Johnny’s lap as he stroked her hair comfortingly – more to himself. From stroking her hair, Johnny could feel some movement – he could sense the fact she was breathing. It reminded him he wouldn’t lose her.

But throughout the ride, everyone’s eyes either fell asleep or stared at Tari – praying her eyes will open soon. “Avatar Aang passed out temporarily when he first entered the Avatar State, Tari should wake up in a few more minutes.” Sukiara reminded as if a way to comfort everyone, mumbling loud enough for everyone awake to hear

But minutes became hours, and Tari was eventually back at Bak Mei with no sign of regaining consciousness. “Uhm,” Sukiara stared at her feet, unsure how to comfort Tari’s friends or herself. She didn’t want to lose Tari either; as much as she tried to be distant, Tari was like her daughter. This is the longest time recorded for an Avatar to be unconscious after the Avatar State and Sukiara didn’t know what that could mean. “Everyone should get changed into new clothes and just get ready…uhm, the canteen people are preparing food.”

The rumbling of stomachs soon followed the mention of food. They didn’t even realise how hungry they were, the feeling being pushed aside by their concern. “We’re no good if we are weakened ourselves.” Yuta mumbled under his breath and everyone seemed to nod in agreement, except Johnny.

Johnny’s hands wrapped around Tari’s hand as she laid on the infirmary bed, hooked up to a number of IV fluids. The group was half way out the door by the time Sonan noticed Johnny stayed behind. Johnny couldn’t hear her over the beeping of the heart monitor; the only thing he listened to – as she told the rest of the friends to continue going.

“Johnny,” Sonan sighed, putting her hand on his back, “What would Tari say when you haven’t eaten?”

“Nothing.” Johnny scoffed. “She’d just continuously push food towards my plate until I see her….” He trailed off, as he looked at Tari’s face for the hopeful glimpse of the same eyes who would beg him to eat.

Sonan chuckled, looking down at her chosen family. She has never felt more uncertain than this; she felt like she was on the cliff edge, waiting to hear the news. “Don’t make me do that to you.”

The canteen wasn’t a better distraction. The hall practically echoed the silence back at them, the only sound amplified being the slurping of soup. No one wanted to speak with the fear that once they speak and Tari wasn’t there to make snide comments, that it’ll all start to feel real.

Luckily, an ‘urgent and mandatory’ newscast came on screen – the silence now replaced with the static of TV. The screen took up the whole wall; a familiar sight was shown in front of them; The NCT Arena in ruins. Mayor Roddin and Senator Zhong stood on top of the broken building, the unmasked Amon in cuffs behind them being held by Lin and two of her guards. Tenzin was beside them.

“We are standing here at the NCT Arena where it was learnt that the illegal underground bending fights were occurring, hosted by the previous internationally renowned pro-bending group Big Bang Crew.” The lady announced, a lady Johnny recognized from his company although vaguely. “It was also the location of the mandatory bending event that was planned last night by the Mayor, Senator, and Equalist party leader. We are here to hear the public speech made by the mayor and senator about the attacks that happened here the night prior.” The screen cut to a closer angle of the officials. From the background, it was obvious this was filmed around the same time they left the mainland.

“My name is Mayor Roddin and this is my colleague Senator Zhong.” Mayor Roddin spoke into a makeshift-podium’s microphone, Senator Zhong beside him staring down at his feet. “Over the last few years, we have been manipulated and tricked to believe a vengeful individual. We have believed every word he said and last night, we learnt that he was the true danger to society.” A video footage Amon, now in chains appeared on the screen, before cutting to the shot of him behind them. “He was fueled by revenge. His father committed a crime; he bended blood bending, the forbidden and inhumane bending that is the most powerful of them all. The Avatar Aang then took it away. Since, he was looking for revenge. To take away all bender’s powers.”

Senator Zhong took over the podium, “We apologize to all benders we have harmed, hurt, or belittled. We have to take a look at the history. Benders were family members who’d go out to hunt for food in the Spirit Wilds, they were the ones granted the power to give them safe journeys. Yes, not everyone can bend – but benders are not much different than non-benders.” They sounded sincere and genuine. “We offer our sincerest apologies. We know that may not be enough to help the harm we have caused, so we’d like to announce that Mayor Roddin and I are resigning from our seats in government. Mayor Roddin will be replaced by Chief of Police Lin Beifong who aided the Avatar last night in saving thousands of lives and my senate seat will be replaced with a non-bender.”

“We hope to see future change and acceptance for the benders.” Mayor Roddin took over again. “We wouldn’t be here today without them. We also like to extend our deepest and warmest gratitude to the current Avatar, who helped get Amon in prison.” The two government officials exchanged glances before looking at the journalists lined up in front of them at the press conference. “Any questions?”

It wasn’t long before journalists were left with many variations of the same question; “Who is the Avatar?” The questions were ignored and discarded, the now officially resigned officials just smiled and told them that information will remain classified.

“I can’t believe its all over.” Kilari let out a breath, sudden tears coming from her eyes. Johnny’s arm immediately jumped to wrap around her shoulders, feeling much more connected to the fire bender since they spoke at the bench. “We can finally breathe.” Kilari’s eyes went wide with happiness as she directed her comment to the other benders at the table.

Yuta was at a particular loss for words.

“This feels unreal.” Jisung comments.

Tari’s eyes fluttered open, noticing where she was. She was hooked up to a ton of medical equipment.

Beside her sat Sukiara, who practically leaped to her feet with excitement at the slightest movement from Tari. “What happened?”

“You did it.” Sukiara celebrated, “You did it, Avatar Tari.”

sorry this kinda sucks!!! ive been super busy the last two weeks with my internships and some family stuff. im not the most proud of this chapter but i gotten to a point where i wasnt wanting to write because of this chapter, so i wanted to get this chapter out of the way. something about htis chapter just messed with my mood. so! one more chapter until book one is over, but there’s a book 2 coming up!

request anything for future parts / penny for your thoughts here

5 notes · View notes

heterophobiclesbean · 6 years ago

Text

I dunno man if ur like ace. And not bi. And u go around telling people u are bi because you think its "easier" to be bi than it is to be ace. Then full offense fuck you? Like I'm genuinely curious if you are not LGBT but fight tooth and nail to tell strangers you are then like. They're gonna believe you and treat you like an LGBT person. If you are ace. And not bi. But tell people you are bi because you are a dumb idiot who thinks aphobia is more of an issue than biphobia. And somebody treats you like shit because they are a biphobe and think ur bi. You cannot. You absolutely cannot. Say that ur hardships are because you are ace. Yours hardships come from the fact that you thought it was cool and quirky to tell people you're bi when you know you aren't and then those people treated you the way they treat bi people. Your hardships are because you lied to get people to perceive you as part of an oppressed group. Your hardships are because you belittle bi people and use them as a pawn to validate your own oppression fantasy. And I'm not gonna feel bad for you when that fantasy becomes a reality because you literally told someone you are LGBT when you arent.

Like if you arent LGBT but tell people you are they arent gonna ask for proof. Homophobes dont want to see a fucking gay ID card before they play smear the queer. Transphobes dont check to make sure someone is "really" trans before they call the cops on someone for peeing in the bathroom. Thats why GNC straight people are targets of homophobic bullying and why cis people get kicked out of bathrooms for "looking" trans. If you tell someone you're LGBT, theyll generally believe you, and treat you the same way they treat LGBT people.

Maybe you arent experiencing all this shit because you're ace, but because you pleaded with every single surrounding homophobe that ur like, under the queer umbrella lol bc ur homoaesthetic and queerplatonic and that's very queer and lgbtqqiaap+. You wanted so badly to be called queer. Your community wasnt affiliated with the LGBT community when it started. That's a documented fact. You elbowed your way in. You asked for this, you chose to be affiliated with us when you never had to be.

Dont come crying to us for help when a homophobe mistakes you for a gay because you literally called yourself gay when you arent and kicked you out of their restaurant. You fucking begged for that shit. You wanted to experience that shit soooooooo badly. And now you've got it. There are actual LGBT people who cannot escape their oppression by being truthful about their identity. And they will always be more important to me than someone who told people they were bi for the "queer cred" and then got the same treatment bi people cant escape from.

#american flag facebook icon i am so fucking mad at you #literally how dumb do you have to be

144 notes · View notes

leahquark · 4 years ago

Photo

Zoe and Kra ‘O: Typos

“Wow.”

“Stop! I know!” I protested, the soft rounded concern of her, that little bundle of care, to much for me to bear.

“Did you even proofread these?” Her stinging tongue cutting deeper by her falsely perceived genuine kindness.

“Yes, actually, I did!” I yelped with a shout, standing from my seat to pace the room, as the dark corvid stared screenward from atop my desk. “And I posted them to Tumblr first because Tumblr’s spellcheck is strangely good at catching mistakes!”

“Did you have your eyes closed?” Kra ‘O questioned, now the cadence of a joke creaking in, tone steered clear of genuine belittling sympathy. “You clearly misspelled that, and you clearly made a typo and used the wrong word here.”

“I am well aware of my own personal shortcomings and failures of articulation.” I outburst, my tone held deep and low in try of drawing humor. A slight chuckle cackled from her bird beak, turned to raspy cough as she stared on. “I merely made your soul aware of such facets in the hope you would appreciate the predicament of my sorrow as escapism from the mundanity of your own cosmic reality.”

“Poetry won’t help you now.” Kra ‘O swooned, looking to me, her eyes smiling where her mouth could not. “Not when there’s a glaring typo in your poem.”

“Maybe I can just play it off.” I suggested, at once sweeping past my avion companion and into my seat. “Maybe I meant to use that word intentionally!”

“Nope. Not believing it.” Kra ‘O pronounced, hoping, by design and attention, directly into my line of sight with her bristling feathers.

“Okay. What if it was my intention to purposefully insert a grammatical typo into the pronouncement, as a commentary about the English language, and to further an endless appearing string of constant purposeful mistakes as bearers of hidden messages across a composed body of immaculate work.” my words hollowed out over her, Kra ‘O staring at me blankly. Her unblinking eyes, glazed unfocused, aimed at me like spotlights, before at last they cleared and she spoke.

“That could work,” came her pause “if it wasn’t so obviously a typo you overlooked.”

“Okay, okay. What if…” My spoken thoughts trailed off.

“Zoe, face it.” Kra ‘O boomed, words shattering in fourth dimensions. “No matter how you try to justify it, know won will beleive you if you in formed them it wasnt a type O.”

#story #short story #writing #typo #typing #spelling #grammar #spellcheck #conversation #crow #human #poetry #mistake #english #typos #spell #i cant spell

0 notes

agingerwithaseoul · 7 years ago

Text

I want to talk about feeling distanced from a part of yourself, or rather separating a toxic part of yourself and convincing yourself it’s not really you.

I don’t want to seem like I’m trying to play the victim here at all. I was faced with a challenge and i failed it. I was weak where i very easily could have been strong. I was put into a very uncomfortable work situation where I was the most depressed i have ever been in my life. I had to sit in the kitchen at work because i would just be crying uncontrollably at the office. It was everything from minor sexual assault to not having a bed for 3 months. I was being emotionally abused for 3 months straight by the person who basically controlled my job, my housing, and the opinions of everyone around me. This then continued for many months after that.

Because of my depression, the new people I was working with treated me in all different ways. Some were over the top supportive and asking me how i was doing every day tears or no tears, and some were the opposite.

By the end of the summer I had lost 20lbs and was trying to figure out how to see a therapist with no american medical insurance. I had to ask my abuser if the company would cover my therapy and his response was ‘you need to make more friends.’ I never got treatment.

I came back to Korea with my depression for 6 more months, with the treatment by the new coworkers getting even worse, which in turn made me treat them poorly too. That’s when the toxicity of my personality became clear. Luckily I had my best friend and my boyfriend with me in Korea so I wasnt facing it alone, but my depression was turning into something much more dangerous. This was the first time in my life I had met people that unapologetically made me feel horrible and openly ignored or belittled me and my defense mechanism was to try to do the exact same back which, doesn’t work. During this time I also had an infection that almost cost me my kidney, they’re both permanently scarred. I didn’t go to the hospital early on because I didn’t want to miss work and give my abuser an excuse to scold me. Later I needed surgery.

The coworkers were taken out of my life without much closure, but the anger in my heart was still there. It was like a bad break up where I check up on their instagrams not knowing what I’m looking for. Do I want them to be unhappy? Do I want them to be happy? I dont know and its unhealthy.

My depression significantly lifted nearly simultaneously with me not having to deal to those people and after I started YouTube I was so happy! My best friend had just moved away so I was suddenly missing a huge piece of my life. YouTube was something that was motivating me to leave my house and the comment section was where I had most of my human interaction.

Looking back on it now, I was much lonelier than I would ever admit to myself. As for my boyfriend, youtube was like my own little world so we never talked about it and it felt very private and very mine. He is always a shining light for me, but only recently did i let him into this part of my life.

Though I thought my depression had left me alone, something happened that proved I was wrong.

I had done something that was misunderstood, and it was the first feeling of being attacked that I’ve had since the time I was depressed. This misunderstanding caused someone to do something so small and so petty that it shouldnt have bothered me, and writing it here seems so stupid, but it really hurt me. My best friend had left, i had started this new fun creative adventure and every time i logged in i would be met with a small gesture of hate. To them it probably felt like nothing, and looking back on it I should definitely have been able to handle it, but at the time it felt like i had made these special paintings and every day i’d find someone poured a bucket of red paint over each and every one of them. It really sounds so dramatic but I was (or maybe still am) emotionally weak from basically 2 years of emotional abuse and it got deep under my skin.

Everything about this situation was so petty that I didnt want to talk to anyone about it, so I buried it. Then I gave up. It was like someone kept picking on my scab i was trying to ignore and i took the bait. I got angry and acted out, but it was worse because i had the internet and i could be anonymous. And my actions hurt people. I hurt people. And i can never undo what i did or excuse why i did it.

The scariest thing about this was, i was able to completely separate the me that was mean in this one space online, from who i was “in real life.” That person i was being was the opposite of the morals and standards i hold myself to “in real life” even though so much of what i consider my “real life” is online. This is where im going to get confusing because to be honest im still confused.

There was a part of me that felt satisfaction seeing people agree with some mean thing I wrote online at the same time i’d feel totally ashamed and guilty and i couldnt sleep because of what i did.

I know i seem really positive and happy and like a supportive friend and i am, but there was a small part of me that wasn’t or still isnt, i guess, because i know even though im suppressing it, its still there. What was most unhealthy is that i was so sure it was just an internet persona that i didnt consider it to be a part of myself. The person you see on youtube or tumblr or instagram is honestly who i am, its not a fake personality i put on, thats genuinely how i am if you were to meet me on the street. But i refused to accept that that isnt completely me. There’s that 1% of me that is a person i loathe, that im ashamed of, that i wanted to stop being, but part of it felt like such a release to play that role.

I was so ashamed of myself that i couldnt tell anyone. Even my friends that i really trust, it was such a private thing that it almost felt like it was part of another world. Not the reality i lived in. again, confusing but thats just how i felt and honestly still feel a little bit. I didnt want to tell people about it because i didnt want them to think that was who i am, but really it was just i didnt want to admit that that was who i am.

Then one day, it really hit me how badly i had behaved. I felt ashamed and i knew i needed help.

Luckily i have a friend who is understanding. I had lied to her face many times when it came to this dark side of mine. I knew she needed to know and i trusted she would have the best advice and wouldnt sugar coat things for me. And luckily i was right. She listened, and she held me accountable. Now that i finally let someone in and that someone was able to tell me point blank ‘what you’re doing is wrong and unhealthy’ i felt the ability to come forward to the person I hurt. Whether or not they believe me or accept my apology is out of my hands, but now that I know I told the truth, I can begin to move forward.

Now I’m working on figuring out what it was that made me act like that. Why was my reaction to such minor harassment so cowardly? What is it that affected me so strongly? How i behaved makes me feel actually nauseous and I know I will never do that again. I hurt people because i could and thats unacceptable.

With online behavior nowadays especially here on tumblr or youtube, its so easy to be someone you arent. But as you act out that persona long enough you have to accept that its not some persona, its you. Its me. I took those thoughts and words from my own mind and put them out there by my own choice. That rude person is a part of me and i need to deal with it. I think having a great support system around you is important and i lost that now that i have such infrequent contact with my friends.

So if you’re reading all the way through, perhaps its because you’ve felt something like this to? Maybe not taking advantage of online anonymity but maybe you have a small part of your personality that you’re not proud of, that you separate from your true self. I hope you can accept that that is also you and that we all need to work on that if we ever want to grow.

I’m sorry if this is coming out of seemingly nowhere because this is so not my personality, but it is. Its something i am going to deal with and i hope that this inspires anyone else to reflect on some part of themselves they’re ashamed of or distanced from. To accept it as part of you and to grow from it. You cant fix something if you pretend it isnt really there.

Im sorry this was vague and i will feel uncomfortable talking about this with anyone that isnt someone that knows the situation so im not going to answer any comments about this but please see this is as my first step in acknowledging and moving forward. Thank you for listening if you’re still here.

48 notes · View notes

lala-baby · 4 years ago

Text

just to keep track of this

verbal

insulting things she knew I liked or was insecure about as a “joke”, especially my body

constantly insulting my intelligence and saying that she’s never met anyone as stupid as me, including saying that nobody else did things I did (e.g choking on spit occasionally)

speaking to me in a demeaning way (“go be a good little bitch and do X” “you can give me £xx for that since you’re using it” “know your place, bitch”)

Angrily criticizing me for things that weren’t my fault (and in a lot of cases were actually her fault)

telling me she doesn’t want control of me despite her actions completely contradicting that

calling me a nympho if i showed any kind of sexual interest, and occasionally telling other people that i was to try to embarrass me (like veda/stacey)

yelling at me for petty things like if I got water on the worktop after washing up

calling me a man or saying I was manly to me/others, or referring to me as a troll or a hog

saying i was too sensitive if i said i didnt like her shouting at me/calling me names etc and she was just being “brutally honest” because i wouldnt listen to her otherwise

calling me a narcissist

calling me arrogant if i didnt listen/disagreed with her

saying i had selective hearing when i genuinely didnt hear her say something (she may not even have said it and just been fucking with me)

bringing up ancient grievances at every opportunity (e.g when i gently tried to suggest that she might be a hypochondriac because its not normal to constantly want to go to the hospital)

making threats about hitting me if i did something she didnt like

shouting at me for crying if she’d upset me

deliberately saying nonsensical shit to win arguments since it cant be argued with (word salad)

having to win at absolutely everything and generally being adversarial

telling me that i can do things/that she wont stop me but then getting jealous and angry making it too difficult to continue

calling me arrogant and saying i was deliberately ignoring her if i didnt hear her because i was concentrating on something on my phone, usually followed by threatening to smash it

Telling me I was a cunt

Being deliberately transphobic to try and upset me

Saying my haircut made me look like I had downes syndrome

physical

hitting me for fun and then telling me it didn’t hurt and I was a pussy, even if bruises formed afterwards and were pointed out to her (she just continued to deny doing it or laughed at me)

holding me down and forcing medication into my mouth, giving me a panic attack so severe she thought i was having an anaphalactic reaction and called 999

Forcing me to drink herbal cough medicine that tasted vile because she said it was the only one that worked for me, even when I didn't really have a cough

using her security training to restrain me for no good reason other than to demonstrate her strength, while telling me I was weak

not allowing me to, or making it too difficult for me to make my own food choices leading to me putting on a huge amount of weight

controlling my medication/using it as an excuse to gaslight me (“these meds are making you act like a cunt, im taking you to get them changed” if I said no or disagreed with her, dictating when i took them/what dose i took, telling me certain medications wouldnt work for me because they didnt work for her and that the prescriber didnt know what they were talking about)

picking her stank-ass belly button and holding me down and forcing her fingers up my nose (what the fuck)

biting me hard enough to leave marks

controlling when i was allowed to sleep and getting angry and calling me lazy if i was tired, but also often waking me up throughout the night insisting that i was snoring and had to turn over /go sleep on the couch

forcing me to sleep under a duvet even though i sleep badly with them and making a big fuss if i refused

“jokingly” burning me with a lighter (though not inflicting actual burns)

Sitting on me to the point of restricting my airways

Pulling my hair

sexual

holding me down and sucking/biting my neck painfully hard even when I was yelling at her to get off of me and had warned her beforehand not to do that because i hated it and it hurt me (and insisting that it wasn’t hurting me, then mocking me/being angry afterwards)

deliberately giving me love bites against my will in places i couldn’t hide them, especially if i was due to see my family to try to embarrass me

telling me that it was my own fault for not being relaxed enough if I wanted to stop penetration because it was hurting and continuing despite my discomfort; getting angry/frustrated if I continued to say no/still didnt enjoy it to the point where i had to wait until I couldn't take it any more to get her to stop

saying that the reason I couldn’t orgasm from sex with her was because I masturbated too much and “banning” me from it for months at a time, then accusing me of not following orders and lying to her if i still couldnt orgasm

putting me on a “sex ban” if I didn’t do what she wanted in day to day life

saying inappropriate things to others, including my parents, alluding to our sex life

having inappropriate conversations about my body with the elderly man we were caring for in front of me, despite knowing that he had sexually assaulted me in the past

angrily insisting that she knew what she was doing and I didn’t have to tell her if I tried to communicate about how things felt

insisting that she had brought me to orgasm when she hadn’t, and that she knew because she could “taste the difference” and I must just not have felt it because my body didn’t work right, to the point that I believed her and thought there was just something wrong with me

insisting that “all /none of the other girls I’ve been with were like that” to try and guilt me about things I had no control over (genital appearance etc)

financial

making me spend the weekends (friday to monday) with her but complaining that I used all her electric/water/etc. when challenged about how much it was actually costing she said i didn’t know anything about how much things cost because “mummy and daddy had always paid everything for me”, and wouldn’t stop being nasty/aggressive until I gave in

making me buy her food shopping with my savings /using my savings as a free resource to be dipped in to at any time when she had spent her own money

making me buy her things or contribute towards buying things for her flat (hundreds regularly) through guilt /empty promises of repayment/getting me stuff when i moved out

telling me that I only give a shit about money and that I’m obsessed with it if I tried to say no to any financial demands

pressuring me to pay for holidays for us on the understanding that she would provide the spending money, but using her benefits payment instead of saving up for it so I ended up having to give her more money after the holiday so she could still eat/pay bills

not bothering to pay her bills/debts, knowing that it would worry me and that i would end up paying them off for her

buying me presents I didn’t want or need as a way to control me (either through guilt or just buying me things like tracksuits that she knew i didnt want to wear but would feel obligated to because she wanted to control how i dressed), but then getting the money off of me for them to pay for her bills etc as she had run out

becoming angry if I tried to donate anything she had bought for me, including things like children’s toys that she insisted I needed for my “autism”

pressuring me to buy ostentatious gifts (e.g nintendo switch, televisions) for her niece and nephew, usually in the range of hundred of pounds, and then taking credit for it as if she had spent her own money (her justification for this was that she had already spent all of her own money on presents /food /etc for me)

refusing to save/claiming she couldnt save and was “happy as long as she had a fiver in her pocket” because money didnt matter to her, to the point that she had no savings and my family and i had to help her buy furniture etc for her flat

psychological/emotional

being nasty about aspects of my appearance until I gave in and changed it (e.g piercings, hair)

pretending that she had no control over her temper, to the point that she claimed to have “blackouts” of rage where she would come round having seriously injured someone but have no memory of it

telling me it was creepy that I kept my pets ashes and threatening to get rid of them/saying i wasnt bringing them with me when i moved in with her

accusing me off loving my pets more than I loved her, despite causing me to be unable to bond with them properly due to the constant stress I was under

telling other people embarrassing /personal things about me that she found funny, usually in front of me, to try and embarrass me

smugly telling me “I know you better than you know yourself” at every opportunity and generally eroding my sense of self

belittling my likes /interests and replacing them with what she wanted me to like /be interested in - everything from clothes to food to shower gel to music to who I was friends with

trying to convince me to use sperm donated from a fucking facebook page like some kind of insane person

planning to use me to have a child and then send me off to work so she could stay at home on her arse for the rest of her life but framing it as “you can go have a career and ill take care of the baby :)”

accusing me of cheating on her constantly with anyone she perceived as a threat to my obedience (e.g regan, sophie), despite her being the one constantly texting her exes (which i never had a problem with because i trusted her for some goddamn reason)

not allowing me to make friends with anyone she didn’t like and lying to me about them/their motivations to turn me off of them (she claimed to be a good judge of character) - again, regan and sophie

lying constantly in general but making it so that disagreeing with her or calling bullshit would make my life hell and it would get brought up weeks or months down the line

constantly telling me my breath stank (nobody else has ever said that and my dentist literally said my teeth are perfect last time i went), claiming it was because i only drank water and that wouldnt hydrate me (????) and constantly forcing me to drink tea or lucozade (neither of which i would drink given the choice) in large quantities

constantly talking about her work history and forensic history with a sense of pride(assault with intent, gbh, abh, criminal damage, etc etc) and about how badly she’d hurt people in the past, I think to leave me in no doubt as to her capabilities

warping my perception of reality by aggressively denying that things had/hadn’t happened, to the point that I didn’t know what was real and became dependent on her to tell me

using love as a means of control (“you’re meant to love me, I’m your girlfriend” if I tried to assert boundaries/did anything she perceived as insubordinate etc)

bagging up any belongings (except the stuff she wanted to keep for herself) I had at her flat and saying we were over and to come get my shit if I wasn’t obeying her enough

getting suspicious/irritated if I tried to take a bath or use the toilet with the door closed

constantly accusing me of hiding things from her

forcing me to strip naked to allow her to check my body for evidence of self harm

making me use her dirty bath water if I needed one, to “save water” (despite already taking money from me for the water bill)

trying to make me suspicious of the mental health professionals in charge of my care and make them seem untrustworthy or that their opinion was worthless (e.g saying they were wrong about my Dx, therapy won’t work for me, “you don’t have to do every little thing your care coordinator tell you to do it’s just SUGGESTIONS, they’re just trying to control you” etc)

insisting on coming to all my appointments with me so i didnt get to speak to anyone on my own

trying to control my family relationships, e.g making me phone my parents but ensuring that she was there to witness whatever was said, to the point that my family were afraid to voice their concerns about the relationship in case i cut contact with them

constantly posting cringey “romantic” bullshit on Facebook, including buying flowers etc for the sole purpose of showing off what a great girlfriend she was, and becoming angry if I didn’t respond in exactly the right way (not enough kisses etc) for “making her look a cunt ”

getting her niece and nephew to call me auntie lauren and constantly referring to me as her wife from only a few months into the relationship so that i would feel more committed than i was and less able to leave

blaming me and getting angry if the flowers she bought me died too early

getting angry if I didn’t sleep with the multitude of teddies she’d brought me/have them on display at all times and angrily demanding to know why she had wasted her money

constantly telling me that I was doing the things she had to me to do like an idiot, e. g hanging up washing, and taking it down and redoing it in a way that was not discernibly different

always threatening to break up with me if I didn’t toe the line, saying there was no point in us being together and that she didnt need me and wouldnt miss me, and that shed finally have less stress and a tidy flat

saying i was hard work and belittling my intelligence if i asked her how she wanted me to do one of the really specific chores she would make me do

badly neglecting her fish by not performing water changes or removing dead fish to the point that they would literally all die before going out and getting a load more, but not letting me care for them instead despite me pleading her and buying things to make it easier for her to do (e.g an expensive water testing kit that would have lasted her years); getting angry at me if i went behind her back to try to care for them by waking up early to do a water change etc and accusing me of being a smartarse for thinking i knew more about fish than she did when i literally studied animal management at college and actually did know more than her

using me like a slave to clean up her flat/do her washing up/take her mountains of rubbish out by angrily telling me that I had made the mess the previous weekend so she had left it waiting for me (this eventually lead to her having nearly 30 bags of months old rain soaked waste on her balcony one winter that she made me take down myself because “the rubbish is YOUR job and it’s your rubbish too, Ive only ever asked you to do one thing for me and you’re so lazy you won’t even do that blah blah blah”)

telling me to do important things “later” in a way that was framed as her being nice but was actually just more convenient for her /she knew would result in the thing not getting done because she didnt want me doing it

repeatedly breaking my toilet in Nelson House by insisting on flushing her tampons down sand saying that thats what you’re supposed to do, to the point that the toilet was eventually removed, then telling everyone I broke it by having a big shit. as sharing toilets was a mental health difficulty for me I had to suffer for months before being able to move rooms because of this

washing one of my outfits in with her own washing, acting all nice and then later saying that because she had done that for me I had to do a mountain of housework for her

making me go to a&e with her constantly (multiple times a week sometimes) and getting very angry at me if I tried to point out that she didn’t need to go; expecting me to go along with whatever lies she told people about what happened (e.g saying her blood pressure was extremely high and dangerous when it had come back completely normal)

forcing me to spend the weekends at her flat whether I wanted to or not, to the extent that my housing benefit and tenancy at nelson house was put at risk

alternately praising and demeaning my support worker depending on what she had advised me about our relationship (she was leas friend/flying monkey and would switch between saying lea was abusing me and that she was good for me)

making false accusations to the police and sanctuary about me “watching videos of babies being raped” on the darkweb in an attempt to get me to kill myself because i was starting to break away from her control

breaking up with me because i sent someone she didnt like a text after being banned from talking to her all weekend

banning me from talking to people and constantly checking to see if i was or not

taking an “overdose” (it was 25mg of diazepam lol) to try and get me to go crawling back to her

saying that I snored and forcing me to use all kinds of expensive and extremely uncomfortable anti snoring medication /devices, and then usually waking me up in the middle of the night and kicking me out anyway (but getting offended if i suggested sleeping separately from the start)

acting indifferent to my presence and alternating between saying she loved me and that she didn’t need me and wouldn’t miss me if i was gone

forcing me to disclose traumatic things even if I said i wasn’t comfortable speaking to her about it (guilt trips), and then using those things against me/miraculously having the same thing happen to her but ten times worse

gossiping about me with one of my support workers and using that support workers opinion to give legitimacy to her attempts to control my decisions

making me sleep next to the open bedroom door (in her usual spot) when i was unwell despite knowing it terrified me

blaming my behavior on diagnosis she had given me herself (“it’s your autism/bipolar” etc) and insisting i didnt have bpd because “thats just what they diagnose you with when they dont know what to do with you”

making me give her massages/wash her hair and body/squeeze her back spots/shave her legs /cut her toenails for her more or less every night and getting aggressive/sulking if i didnt want to

blaming physical ailments (that she demonstrably didn’t have and who’s severity /presentation changed on a very convenient basis) as an excuse to make me do things for her

putting me under huge amounts of pressure to perform “correctly” for her at all times or be harshly berated, ultimately driving me to attempt suicide several times because there was no escape from her nastiness

telling me that her family didn’t like me /disapproved of our relationship if she couldn’t get her own way and saying they wanted her to leave me because I was x y or z

Repeatedly telling a story about her dad (who has a violent history and had been in prison for attempted murder) threatening to burn down an ex girlfriends workplace and finding it hilarious that her ex was too scared to go to work for weeks

dismissing my concerns about anything as not a big deal or getting angry about me bringing them up, even serious things (e.g a sexual assault)

deliberately provoking me when I had told her to stop because my mental health was bad and i didnt feel able to control my reactions, because she enjoyed the drama /going to the hospital /getting attention from playing the long suffering loyal girlfriend role

only ever treating me with kindness if I had made a suicide attempt/done something dangerous to myself, and then using that against me later (”you put me through hell and im still always there for you so why cant you x y or z”)

blaming her being “in crisis” on me/my poor mental health (and not even being in crisis to begin with)

never saying sorry for hurting me, ever, even when proven “wrong” about something in front of impartial third party who insisted she should apologize for it

getting angry at me for googling any of the ridiculous things she said if I wasn’t sure it was accurate

making me go to a&e/doctors /mental health team when I didn’t want or need to be there because she enjoyed the attention she received as my partner

being angry at me for bring “constantly” on my phone and accusing me of texting other people instead of paying attention to her/whatever was on tv

getting angry if I didn’t want to watch whatever she was watching on tv (she would still be watching it but would get angry if I didn’t pay enough attention)

constantly trying to one-up me with her mental health/dismiss my concerns about how i was feeling and calling me self-centered because she had everything so much worse but was still “getting on with it”

demanding that i always answer the phone to her, and calling multiple times a day to keep tabs on me, usually keeping me talking for 2-3 hours daily whenever i wasnt staying at hers. it got to the point that it was pointless for me to try to do anything because i would start and then she would interrupt. if i didnt answer she would continually call the office claiming to be worried about me

trying to stop me from drinking, going to the extent of telling my parents she thought i had a drinking problem (i objectively didnt) because she didnt want me to spend time with a housemate she was jealous of because we actually had fun

expecting me to drop everything even when I was unwell to help care for an elderly man (who at one point sexually assaulted me), including regularly cleaning up urine/feces from the walls/floor because she didnt want to do that part, despite me saying that we werent trained and didnt have the correct ppe, and if we kept going above and beyond for him social services werent going to put a proper care plan in place for him. includes countless hours at hospital etc

buying me a shirt with a a swear word printed prominently on it and getting angry when I said it would be inappropriate to wear to a care home in case they kicked me out, and forcing me to do it anyway because she wanted brian (old man) to see it

lying about the value of gifts she’d brought me as a means of control/guilt (e.g earrings that she’d told me were £60, getting angry when i accidentally damaged one but when i went to get one fixed the guy said they weren’t worth more than £10 and would cost more to repair than replace)

insisting she couldn’t wait to rehome our cats (and taking the money for them despite the fact that i paid for them and their stuff) and giving them to a stranger despite knowing it would be a matter of weeks before i would be in a position to take them myself, because she couldn’t be bothered to look after them

deciding that we were getting guinea pigs (i wanted something else) and saying that caring for them would be split equally with one belonging to her and one to me, and that she would take them with her when she moved out, but only ever cleaning them once and then leaving me to care for them exclusively

complaining and calling me needy whenever i tried to show any kind of affection

accusing me of not trusting her when i did implicitly like an idiot

blaming all the problems in the relationship on me and whenever i brought up something that was upsetting me telling me that i did it to her too but worse

taking credit for me “getting gobby”/becoming less introverted and saying she was a good influence on me, despite having nothing to do with it (and that not being true, I was just settling in to the house)

having to sit in darkness because she wouldn’t let me open the blinds because she said having them open would damage her tv

if i was ever angry/irritated saying i was “hangry” and taking the piss, encouraging me to comfort eat and then acting smug when it calmed me down

saying that she hopes my friend dies and that she deserves to die when she was in a coma

trying to turn a mutual friend against me after she broke up with me, to the point that the friend refused to repeat what she'd said but told me she was dangerous and to stay away from her

expecting me to drop everything and make her cups of tea whenever she wanted, and making me remake them if they weren’t perfect /getting angry if I said i was busy

particularly saying i had to remake tea because it tasted like soap because i hadnt washed her cup up properly (she would use the same mugs continually until they were absolutely filthy and then leave me to wash them when i was there), often after I definitely had washed them properly but she just wanted to keep me in my place

playing on my fears (of guilt, abandonment etc)

convincing me to change my mind about what i wanted through compliments etc (e.g saying i looked much better wearing whatever she wanted me to wear)

expecting me to know what she wanted at all times without being asked and generally to be able to read her mind, and getting angry and claiming that i should know what she wanted because i was her girlfriend and that she always knew what i wanted and did everything for me blah blah blah

getting angry when i suggested couples therapy and saying it would be pointless because i would just blame everything on her

accusing me of “thundering around” and having heavy footsteps when i was just walking normally so I got so paranoid i had to tiptoe everywhere

refusing to clean up to the point that she got cockroaches, then refusing to acknowledge that it was because she kept leaving dirty dishes etc out and blaming it on her neighbours or on me, and then refusing to do anything about it so i had to pay for the poison and put it out repeatedly etc and make sure I cleaned up after her every time I came over so they wouldn't keep coming back

getting extremely frustrated when trying to accomplish simple tasks (usually diy related) but getting really angry and me when i offered help and accusing me of thinking she was an idiot (she was being an idiot a lot of the time, not reading instructions/using powertools in dangerous ways etc). it was scary and she would sometimes break things that i had bought out of frustration if she couldnt get them to work right (the cat cage & ball track toy for example)

refusing to prepare at all for when she moved out of nelson house so i had to do it, and then refusing to unpack her stuff at the other end in the hope that i would do that too

refusing to let me report an incidence of child abuse that happened in a neighbouring flat to hers because she was friends with the father and said the child deserved it

refusing to let me take the bus at times (she did pay for taxis for me but given the amount of money she took from me i might as well have been paying for them) even when i wanted to and acting like by not giving me a choice she was doing me a favour. in retrospect i think she wanted to know that i was going straight home

always asking me where i was, who i was with and sometimes accusing me of lying about it, either way trying to make my life hell

trying to encourage me to stay on my own and ignore my housemates but phrasing it in a cutesy way (just make a cup of tea and shut your door and have a nice night to yourself without any drama) so it sounded less like she was trying to be controlling

ringing me every night to confirm that i was in bed when i said i would be and making me video call her if she didnt believe me

telling me gossip about mutual friends that wasnt even true because she loved the drama (e.g saying venetias children had died because they had been born deformed)

constantly slagging off her exes and telling fantastical stories about how they broke up/stalked her/abandoned her/abused her and about the triumphant ways she got back at them

generally always telling incredibly unbelievable stories that made her look either “good” (e.g “taking down a squaddie in front of his mates”, sleeping with a nurse while both on duty) or made her out to be the illest (claiming to have had a psychotic break, coughing up a kidney stone)

virtue signalling with brian while also being controlling towards him/explaining things to him in a way that he would do what she wanted/saying “oh he won’t mind, he’d tell us to do it if he were here” when she used his card to buy us lunch etc (yeah he probably would have but that isnt the point)

getting angry if i ever discussed our relationship with anyone else, saying it was none of their business/i was trying to make her look like a cunt; telling me not to tell anyone after she did horrible things

promising things about the future and then never delivering any of it

saying that she wouldnt be the one carrying our children, trying to tell me that getting sperm from facebook was safe and generally treating me like a walking uterus

ending lies/false promises with “you know i will/do/am” to try and enforce to me that she was telling the truth

telling me to cancel holidays id paid for/not come over/generally throwing her toys out of the pram when she couldnt get her own way

forcing me to watch murder documentaries, usually about women being murdered by their partners, and getting way too in to it in a way that was a bit creepy

telling me my menstrual cup was disgusting and trying to force me to use tampons instead

making a big fuss about how she used to ~be an alcoholic~ and that she cant drink because it makes her a nasty person, and then buying a load of beer and vodka when the relationship wasnt going well and saying shed fallen off of the wagon because of me

constantly telling me i had BO to the point i was really paranoid (nobody else has ever said anything about it)

bullying me into letting her smoke in my room

throwing her rubbish on to my floor constantly because she was too lazy to pick it up, so i had to

constantly talking about how against domestic violence she was, saying she'd never hit a woman and how she had been a victim of it to make me think what she was doing wasnt abuse

doing small things for me that I found difficult because of my mental health (e. g phone calls) and then holding it over my head

telling me that i was incapable of love, and that the only person i loved was myself because of how selfish i am

deliberately killing two bees that I was enjoying watching by stomping them into the pavement then laughing at me when I was upset about it

0 notes

darter-blue · 7 years ago

Text

I'm with the OP here, and having watched my mum live for most of my adolescence in a relationship like Jack/Parse it triggers major anxiety for me. Parse is so like my dad - using belittlement and Jack's lack of confidence to control Jack - I don't think he's just an asshole. I think he genuinely knows what he is doing. And also, he witnessed Jack's descent into a breakdown, I think it's safe to assume he knows about his issues. My Dad was a great man to so many people (they will tell you) but my mum is only alive today because she clawed her way out of that relationship and got help for her depression/ PTSD and eating disorder. He wasnt always an asshole and I loved him, but their relationship was awful and destructive and I'm so glad they seperated. I feel the same way about Jack and Parse.

hey, parse sucks. this is a callout post.

specifically about his use of emotional manipulation tactics

i know ive ranted about this before but ive never actually consolidated everything into one post. and i got hate for this last time, but…. whatever. the fandom needs to hear this.

(before you read, please know 1. this isnt intended to put 100% of the blame for whatever jack and parse’s fallout was and 2. this post is about…. emotional manipulation. so read at your discretion and comfort).

calls the smh a “shitty team” and essentially belittles jack for wanting to stay with them

“corners [jack] in his room”

guilt-tripping jack by saying he’s only trying to “help” and telling him he misses him after jack repeatedly asks him to leave him alone

implies that he is one of the only people who still cares about jack despite his history (”everyone already knows what you are. but it’s people like me who still care”)

literally says that people will realize that jack’s worthless after he plays a couple seasons??? parse stans love to ignore this??? “you’re scared everyone else is going to find out you’re worthless, right? [[this is already yikes because “everyone else” implies that they both already acknowledge his worthlessness]] oh don’t worry, just give it a few seasons, jack. trust me.”

“fine. shut me out again.” that’s more guilt tripping, folks!

threatens to fucking out jack which jesus christ

triggers his problems with living up to his dad’s expectations by implying his future team won’t make his dad proud

let me stress that parse witnessed firsthand jack’s anxiety and overdose. he knows that jack has seriously struggled with an inferiority complex and it’s fucked up his life and yet he still says all of this.

#anti kent parson #anxiety #ptsd #abuse isnt always physical #emotional abuse can kill you #i dont like romanticising destructive relationships #being sick doesnt make it okay to treat people like shit

1K notes · View notes

falling-inn-mmyy-wooorrlddd · 6 years ago

Text

Was a long week, i did 3 exams in two day slept a total of 4 hours till now that is. My last exam was today at 8 am i came home and slept like baby. Only problem now is i slept all day awks.

So now i have time to address yesterdays message you sent me.

I knew last time at 3 am was the same thing and i knew yesterday was the same thing, i remember how little those messages use to make, i remember how sad i use to get.

i remember how much i loved you and i’m so glad i can separate how you treat me from my own self worth.

I get it, you are angry with me, thats all you really know how to do right, be angry. I followed him, it was no different from you msging anum, or posting a random girl dancing on insta, but this isnt a he did it so i did it.

Regardless of everything you done, i was capable of realizing that i made a mistake & i apologized, i did it because i knew you were going to leave & its easier too have you leave because of something i did then for no reason. I realize that was unfair for you and once again i apologized. I’m human with faults and i reacted poorly.

So, why would you disrespect yourself by having sex with me?

Sleeping with a random was showing yourself alot of respect.. Ending up at your ex gf’s house that cheated on you numerous times was showing yourself respect?

i know you said that to make me sad, and that shows just how much you “grew” as a person. I could've easily responded, i don’t need sex from you anymore, its not hard to get.. may it be the truth or not. But instead as always i took the higher road acknowledged the relationship, i grew, and i realized belittling you doesn't make me feel better about myself. But i really hope that comment, helped you in the way you hoped it would.

You continuously block, unblock, block. Im sorry that it ended this way but it wasnt my fault i couldnt do much more. I’m not sure why you have me blocked, i wont be msging you, if thats your fear. I even left a really nice gym, just so i wouldnt bump into you.

& i wont pretend that it doesnt hurt as hell. It does. But why make a shitter situation worse by being angry.

I’m sorry that its so hard for you. I genuinely hope you are okay, & know i know you like an open book and you’re hurting and i really wish you weren’t.

0 notes

ifanyoneseesthisaccplsbye · 6 years ago

Photo

Sand felt so powdery and finely soft here oml. This was the prettiest beach ive ever been to and i wanna gooo baaaaaaaaaack. But im gonna have to drive 5 hours down south by myself with no money :( Okay real talk darlene. Haha. I’m scared. Going. To uni now. Haha. Fuck. I just realised that thousands of year 12s will be in uwa. A lot of them i know. A lot of them probably from my primary school cause they all sound like a bunch of spoiled rich brats. And uwa is the perfect place for spoiled rich brats. I do not want to see them. I’m sorry but they genuinely made my migrating days a living hell. I’m sure they don’t know and realise that now but that shit actually impacted me so much growing up. Moving to a completely different country with little to almost no money obviously my mum would take up any job. I love her for doing all she can to support and help us. And i truly truly am grateful for everything she does. But what hurt me the most is that these kids with me belittled us like we were nothing. They made fun of her job everytime they saw her at school. Not all, not many. A lot were actually accepting and very supportive of what she does. But those minorities made a really big impact on the way i lived during those years. She thinks i was embarrassed the whole time but really i didn’t want to approach her because i didn’t want her to see how these kids treated me? Man they’re such pieces of shits. I barely spoke english back then and boy were they the most unaccepting bunch of people. Especially that motherfucking girl. Do not even get me started. You know who she is. Damn. Such a bitch. Bruh i’m strong mentally but for her to resort to not only mental abuse but also physical? Wow. Wow. She wouldn’t share any book needed to be shared during classes but instead would stomp on my foot continuously and pinch my arms and legs? What the fuck is exactly wrong with her? Just what the fuck did i ever do to her. Literally NOTHING I CAME TO THIS MOTHERFUCKING COUNTRY. THATS IT. THATS HER PROBLEM. I remember going to the toilet and hearing her slam the door and laugh with her minions. Then during lunch she would just randomly come up to me and stomp on my foot all over again? THIS WAS YEAR 4 WHAT KIND OF BULLSHIT WAS THIS BITCH PULLING THIS OUT OF. Then when i finally had the courage to talk to the teacher about it he moves me away from her and here she is saying “finally” and laughing out loud with her pretty little friend in front of everyone. GREAT. MAAAAAAN WAS SHE A GODDAMMMNNN BITCH. If i fucking see her i sweaaaaaaaaaar. I sweaaaaaar. Do not even get me started. I’m ready to rip her motherfucking hair out. I dont give a flying fuck about positivity and girl power here. I DONT. AND WHEN IT COMES TO HER I NEVER WILL. There is no forgiveness in my book when it’s about her. I DONT GIVE A FUCK IF SHE WAS 10 AND WAS IGNORANT TOWARDS EVERYTHING. I just dont give a fuck. She does not deserve anything nice from me and i will never give her anything like that. I doubt she’ll apologise if i ever see her. That girl was the fucking worse. I cannot believe i forgot how it felt going to school everyday. I cannot believe i just shrugged it all off and thought everything she did was okay. Everything those people did were okay. I continued to act all friendly around them after she left. I cannot believe i did that shit. WHY DID I FORGET ALL THAT. IT WASNT OKAY. FUCK THESE BITCHES MAN. I REALLY DO NOT WANT TO SEE ANY OF THEM AT UNI. And the fact that i dont have my hoes to back me up cause we’re all going different ones :( BUT WHATEVER IVE GOT THIS. IM READY TO FIGHT SOMEONE FUCK

0 notes

thegloober · 6 years ago

Text

What I Wish My Wife Knew I Needed

Marriage is a team sport. And, sometimes, teams lack communication (lookin’ at you, Cleveland Browns). We get it: it’s not always that easy to tell your partner what you need from them. Maybe you don’t want to upset them or maybe it’s just not the right time. But, assuming your wife isn’t some sort of petty sadist, chances are she just isn’t aware of her behavior — or understand how it really makes you feel.

We asked 11 husbands about what they wish their wives knew. Some spoke about not be pigeon holed by standard assumptions of “masculine behavior,” while others wished they’d be included more in household dialogues; still others explained that they wished their wives would give themselves a break. All answers offered a glimpse into what issues linger — and what conversations we should all have with our partners more often. So take a look and start a dialogue with your spouse about the unspoken things that might help strengthen your marriage. Or not. We’re not the boss of you.

I Wish My Wife Knew That My Compliments Hold Value

“My wife is beautiful. But, she doesn’t think so. I’m sure most women don’t. And I bet a lot of their husbands wish they did. I know I do. I wish my wife would accept the fact that I think she’s beautiful, and that I honestly, genuinely mean it. I think it bothers me because she just brushes off my opinion. Like, shouldn’t my opinion be one of the most important ones? Instead, she’s more concerned with how her friends think she looks. Her mom. Her sister. It just makes me feel unvalued, you know?” – Ben, 34, Florida