#it for so long idk how to stop now
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i need to learn to unapologetically like things again
#im. ughghg going through a time rn. i've been since like what uhh late 2022#thumbs up#i need to. stop telling myself to update dailypaintbrush because it feels like a chore and originally dailypaintbrush was just something fo#me to be silly and post paintbrush#i'll talk about the final ep later because holy shit but uhh i like ii i like paintbrush i have thoughts but also#i have exams in a couple weeks#i need to learn to unapologetically enjoy shit again. i've been toning myself down a lot and im so sick of it. but it's like ive been doing#it for so long idk how to stop now#txt
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Prepare for the unexpected. (DPxDC)
Everyone knew about the reign of Pariah Dark. Even those who did not dabble in those realms have heard the tale of the tyrant. A power-hungry man who ruled over the dead with an iron fist.
Following the rise of Pariah Dark, his realm had been effectively cut off from communication. Many mystics and magic users knew better than to open the door of nightmares that could arise if Pariah Dark's reach went further than his own realm.
Except, the universe had plans to bring the realm of the dead back into the cards.
A new opponent, one that had all of Earth's heroes scrambling for options. A being with powers of a god over weather, destruction was on the horizon. A world ending threat.
It's the only reason the Justice League was doing this. In a deep bunker, far from close civilization as a precaution, the heroes looked on with grim expressions.
The world was already being threatened. It would be destroyed regardless of what the league did. So it only made sense to make the last ditch effort. To summon someone strong enough to defeat the threat.
No one wanted to do it. No one wanted to be the one to pull the realm of the dead back to the living. The consequences were untold if this succeeded. If Pariah Dark was freed and defeated the threat, whose to say he won't want control?
That was a problem for later. For the aftermath. For now, the league could only watch on with bated breath as Constantine completely the summon ritual.
They watched on as the shadows in the room seemed to darken and grow. As the sigil sputtered to life with a glow that was growing increasingly brighter. A sudden gust of wind rushed through the room, the temperature began to drop with eaching ticking second.
And then it was all gone.
The room stood perfectly still. Just as it had been moments before. Nothing changed. No giant king standing before them, no sign that the ritual worked.
The room stood deadly still for another beat before the murmurs started. The team trying to make sense of the situation, figure out what went wrong.
Constantine swore up and down that this was the correct ritual, taking offense that they would even think the problem was on his end. It only made it better when it finally happened.
A loud sound ripped through the room, pulling everyone's attention back to the summoning circle. Just in time to see a tear appear in the space above the circle.
A thin tear that ran the length of eight feet. The fabric of the dimension seems to curl at the edges, pulling back to reveal a deep glowing swirl of greens. A dark gloved hand reached through, fingers curling around the edge of the tear, stretching it even further.
A portal. The ritual had worked, but there had been a delay. A delay that had every hero nerves on edge. Each team member tensed, weapons at the ready as they watched the being stretch the portal to the right size.
Then, a foot stepped out with a heavy thud. A dark boot that looked otherworldly despite its similarity to mortal clothing. A deep black that seemed never-ending. A second foot quickly followed before a full body emerged from the portal.
Not many people in the room have ever seen Pariah Dark, let alone know what to expect. Based on what Constantine and Zatara had said, this wasn't Pariah Dark.
A man had stepped out of the portal, standing at almost seven feet tall, and built like a brick house. One glance at the glowing white hair, deadly red eyes, and shard teeth was enough to know this being was not to be messed with.
But there was no giant show of armor or royal garbs. There is no large crown at the top of his head or jewelry from the infinite realms laced around his neck.
Instead, the man stood before them in combat boots, worn-in ripped jeans, a graphic t-shirt, and a spiked leather jacket. Despite his almost normal clothing choice, the man's jacket seemed to be a never-ending depth of the dark night sky. If one was to look closely enough, the cosmos could almost be made out in the sea of darkness.
None of that would have prepared them for when the man spoke. His tone sounded more bored than anything as he took a step forward.
"Oh, so now you need the help of the dead." The man had spoken, running a hand through his hair. When Batman took a step forward to speak, the man raised a hand. Immediately commanding silence in the single gesture. "I'm on babysitting duty and have yet to have a cup of coffee. I'll be right back."
Just like that, both the man and portal vanished into thin air. Leaving behind a group of stunned heroes. Not only was the man not Pariah Dark, but he was also supposedly babysitting.
"Did that just-"
The Flash had been the first voice to speak up, his eyes trained on where the man had once stood. Except he had barely made it through the first few words before the man was suddenly back.
The man that now had a child hanging off his shoulders and another teen being held up by his scruff. Unlike the man, these kids looked human.
Too human for Bruce's liking. The dark black hair and bright blue eyes had every heroes eyes flickering to Batman for just the briefest moment.
"This isn't fair! I'm not even the king. Why do I have to be here!" The teenager had been complaining the moment the man had reappeared. Arms crossed tight over his chest and seemingly used to being held dangling. "Besides, who brings kids to a show down! Wait til I tell mom about this."
"Aw, come on, Danny. This is gonna be fun!!" The younger girl seemed in much better spirits than the teen, Danny. She had climbed up the large man, sitting on his shoulders and resting her arms on the mess of glowing hair. "It's like take your kids to work day! Ooo, Dan! Can we fight too!?"
Unlike the two kids, the man looked purely exhausted and annoyed. The man, Dan, dropped Danny like a sack of potatoes as he took a long drink from the travel cup in his hand.
It didn't take a genius to recognize the look of an exhausted parent in Dan's expression. A look many of the league members were well acquainted to. A look that even had Batman grimacing with sympathy.
"Can it, little shits. You two were grounded, remember." Dan had growled at the kids before shifting his focus back on the team of heroes before them. His glowing eyes set in a deadly glare. "Pariah Dark isn't coming, and he never will. He's been dethroned and banished. We're the best you've got."
A summoning that started with a group of on edge and scared heroes looking for the ghost king, ended in a way no one expected.
No one was even sure if it made any sense. They weren't sure if they should feel hopeful or in despair.
Because truly, what was a ghostly man with two seemingly human children against a godlike foe with the control over the weather?
The unspoken question of power and ability seemed to vanish following Dan downing the metal travel cup of coffee, and crushing it in his fist.
He tossed it to the side, straighting up his posture as he looked over the heroes. Dan might not be a hero, but he's been playing family for too long.
An almost feral, bloodhungry grin spread across the man's face, sharp fangs on full display. The look made the man suddenly look even less human. He looked closer to a demon from the pits of hell rather than the exhausted parent he looked just a few seconds ago.
"Point me in the direction of this bastard. It's been too long since I let loose and had some fun."
#danny phantom#danny fenton#phandom#dc x dp#batman#dcxdp#dp x dc#dp x dc au#dp x dc crossover#justice league#I've been toying with the idea of following Pariah Dark's end the zone abolished the idea of a one true king#instead setting up a counsel of the most trusted ghosts and deities with in the zone; including Pandora and Clockwork#I also like to vote for Technus to be on the counsel and Ghostwriter to be like the secretary/note taker#after Ghostwriter stopped being an asshole ofc ofc#I kinda have this list of specific details I've created for this idea and like I keep thinking up new ones#like the Phamily's backstory is somewhat canon complaint with the show but also a whole mess of complex shit#like the expanse of Danny turning into phantom and the events that occurred still did except technically they never did#it's clockwork's time mumbo jumbo type of shit#Ellie had to be deaged some to help stabilize her core so I'm roughly saying she's like 7-8 years old#but idk children so idk how a 7-8 year old actually looks or how they usually act or talk#The JL seriously don't know if they should be hopeful or not but Dan's grin and excitement makes it seem more promising#I like to imagine Bruce is just watching Dan with Ellie and Danny trying to figure out if he's actually a good father or not#people being surprised to find out that Ellie Danny and Dan are all technically orphaned siblings#while Dan is just trying to coparent his siblings with the help of a time god an earth goddess a princess and a dirtbag with a motorcycle#dan phantom#ellie phantom#I can go on and on so I'll force myself to stop now#long post
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i wonder how kevin's fitness-obsessed mind justifies his alcohol addiction
#kevin day#aftg#all for the game#like does he think as long as his hangovers don't effect his court time its ok?#that doesn't really fit with the idea that he's a health freak outside court too#like you're telling me he doesn't see the irony of counting calories in decimals then downing a litre of straight vodka?#or is he just so addicted he cant stop?#i feel like he'd go for rehab if he thought it would influence his long term playing but that doesn't seem to be on his bucket list#like i get he'd be hopelessly addicted at the nest but now that his future seems to have some light i'm not sure why he still lets his#addiction destroy him slowly when he's thankfully now adamant on achieving a livable life#idk if this makes sense or if its been addressed somewhere else before but yeah i was just wondering#also sorry if this is inconsiderate or ignorant as to how addictions work i don't know the best
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20% into Fourth Wing (according to my audio… I love that I can listen and work on commissions/wrapping gifts simultaneously😂)
Thoughts so far:
Do all books give content warnings? … is this because it’s that violent or is this just a thing now? Appreciated either way! Just new to me :-)
Her mother makes no sense. I hate her. Yet, I have a feeling I will regret saying that. And if I don’t WHY would you do that to your kid.
Okay, ow, so the brother is dead… that hit the grief point.
Do we love Mira (idk why I’m using plurals)? I think I get her, I’d do anything for my little siblings… but I also am a younger sibling and know how that babying hurts.
“Fragile.” — WOW, WE ARE THE SAME😅
I love Violet (I’m predictable).
Her hair sounds dope. And I actually get why she loves it because it’s hers, it’s healthy… I feel that.
Funny her eyes are well detailed to match the EDS coloration for some subtypes *not licensed but nurse brain says*😂
Even if I don’t know people ship her with Xaden (tbh idk if it’s literally just that cause of tropes & 0 canon) but I can see why… immediately fits the “forbidden, bad boy, should be enemies, has sudden interest, they were the most beautiful I’d ever seen”
I should not have gotten so attached to Dylan so soon. But also I kinda knew it?
I love Rhiannon… plus Maasverse brain says it’s a win
“I will not die today” — that’s a good mantra
Jack can die today please!
Great so they are killing each-other off, that sure sounds like a great place to spend three years in “hunger games college”.
Childhood best friends to lovers, oh great this is gonna get me, I’m screwed.
Okay, legit the knee sublex scene is so well done and relatable to me and I imagine every EDS/LDS/Marfins/HSD friend I have. *I say this as I type currently wearing a brace ring on my thumb, ice brace on my knee, and heating pad on my back😅😭*
… how do we feel about Dean… Dain? How do we even say it… I don’t know.
These fueds sound kinda old to me
I like the quote per chapter thing
+ The “a dragon without a rider is a tragedy but a writer without a dragon is dead” is a good one
#Fourth Wing#1st Fourth Wing#Fourth Wing first read#read along with me#no spoilers please#currently reading#20% into the book#audiobooks#Rebecca Yarros#Chapter… 4… 8… idk. I need to check😂#we’ll see how this ages#Dain Aetos#Violet Sorrengail#representation#Rhiannon#Dylan (probably his only tag tbh)#Rhiannon I hope to know you long enough to learn your full name#now I just need to stop mixing up mates tattoos and worlds with Maasverse lol#also though they do mention wyverns so
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reeeeeeeeeeeeeeddddddstonerrrrrrrr yuuummmm
ITS NOT BLOOD ITS CHEETO DUST REDSTONE ((also i stole the embroidery ren sun on the patch from madddddiiii <33 bc it was a cute silly detail i enjoy & totally wont 4get))
#ughhhhh how long has it been???? hmmm#i couldnt go back 2 sleep so i finished these sketches upp#now i should go abck 2 slepppppp blehl#i started getting rlly lazy after i “finshied” the 1st 1 aka the fullbody#also that quote ross is saying is from a comment under like the fnaf hide n seek video#iii cant rmemebr which 1#it was silly tho so i stole it#ALSO IVE BEEN WATCHING THE DIVERSITY VIDEOS AGAINNN#AAAAAAAA I NEVER ACTUALLY FINSIHED WATCHING THEM SO ITS ALL NEW & IM ALL YIPPEEEEEEEEE#anyways live love laugh redstoner#redstoner#yourpalross#i still dont know if its like sacrilegious 2 b putting that tag on here but hhhhhhhhhhhhh#ALSO I GAVE HIM LIKE GREY SCRUFF/ARM HAIR IDK#should i do brown??????????.....idddkkkkkkkkkkkk#also while drawing this i like almost wanted 2 draw him w/alazy eye then realized that my oc larry is a squirrel w/like a lazy eye\#& i basedd him off of nutty & LIKE GODDAMNIT WHATS W/SQUIRRELS & THEM HAVING LIKE OPPISITE EYES?? pupils?#its cause of nuts huh. like their nuts? crazy hashtag goofy#idkkkkkk i just like nutty#oh. his name is fucking nutty#im going 2 stop typing bc the more i type the more stupid i sound#AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA#mcyt#puppee art
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the usa would be a better country if we had more celebrations that involved giving an important job to a very silly animal
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#idk why i dont remember ppl posting abt groundhog day b4 this but suddenly people are#genuinely did not realize quite how silly it is until non americans were talking abt it#but yeah#its funny#esp since he looks like that. like phill is such a silly little guy#i actually didnt know the lore that he was suppsedly immortal from drinking a magic potion. i mean thats fun and im going to pretend its#real from now on#but i had always been under the impression that there was a long line of phills who took this important family job#altho idk. they migjt not all be related to the original phill i just assumed that was the case#anyway sorry phill but im not so sure abt ur prediction bc it kinda seems like winter has already stopped IN EARLY FEBRUARY#IN MINNESOTTA#for me bc of uh. the global warming#i still beleive in yojr powers phill i assume that global warming has just confjsed you. yet another thing to kill the rich for
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super disorganized sketch page because i do what i want
#my art#not sure if i wanna tag these... hrm#i wonder if alt text shows up in search results.... shudders#well anyway. i wanna ramble about these!!#for willy mafton: i've been working on designing more of the human cast. mainly all the big name important ones#it's been a slow process + a little challenging but i like getting the chance to practice drawing faces! :]#in regards to His design specifically.. it's very much based off of his movie apperance#but with a reference to that Classic sprite thrown in#bc i thought making him a little cartoony and inhuman would fit him :] but idk im not an expert on his character or anything#about the rabbit lady: i forgot how i had that idea initially but it ended up looking so fucking cool tbh#im always a fan of making her design less of a feminine eye candy type of design and more of a Spooky Murderer type >:3c#it also gave me the idea to try making some similar designs for the glams...#but if i do that im not gonna be giving them that vintage rubber mask look... since they're meant to be super flashy and high tech looking#so i was thinking they could have faces with more of a silicone texture.. and that have a style based more off of their in game art work :]#so they'd be like giant dolls with weird moving faces rather than having a vintage animatronic look#also that van in the bottom middle is 100% a homage to a specific user i wont be mentioning but iykyk HFJZJFJF#ANYWAY the 🌞🌜 stuff: dont be weird about it please HFJZJG#im aware that these tags are very easy to ignore but like. genuinely pls dont be weird about them#dont romanticize it. its not meant to be ''y/ndere'' or anything like that#its actually a bit personal to me so like... interpret it as you like but be aware its not meant to be a happy or positive thing#anyway i think thats all i have to say... i've been trying to branch out a tiny bit regarding the things i draw#it's always nice to challenge yourself even if its tough... especially if its tough!!#i mainly draw just for my own sake but i hope ppl see something they like here#these tags got so fucking long oops... i'll stop now JFKZJFKSJGKSJG
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GAMING IS MY SON AND IF ANYTHING HAPPENS TO HIM IM GONNA KILL EVERYONE IN THIS ROOM AND THEN MYSELF!!
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LOOK AT HIM HES SO CUTE
i still have hope in getting the other boys too
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its ok they can be a band or smth.. at least then gaming wouldn’t have to be so disappointed in people not hiring him bc he’s just having fun with his boys…
#it took me soooo long to realize his name can also be 'gaming' and idk if i should be ashamed or proud lol#his hashtag is gonna get real funny real quick#is it actually an intentional business decision made by hyv#no way this was accidental#anyway im disappointed in his hair design but i stopped feeling much since all genshin charas always have the ugliest hairstyles#also him being another bennett just not as unlucky#he works so hard and still tries to achieve his artistic dream at the same time#but people just smile and ignore him…PAY THE DUDE!!!#ALSO ALSO.. chiaki 2.0 and they better add all other ryuseitai next#i just can get over how energetic and cool genshin concept designs are when the game keeps slapping us with a downgraded version every time#not to say current designs aren’t energetic or cool.. just not as much lol (still salty about red xiao and those flying nahidas)#now i know why they still not doing an art book yet.. they’re ashamed to admit of the amounts of good designs they never use#AND I LOVE GENSHIN DESIGNS honest (otherwise why would i keep doing fanart of this game and this game only for 3 years)#sorry i dont post all of them.... i have issues#but i cant help but feel robbed when i see these designs knowing what they could’ve been#and it’s in no way hyv’s fault *glance at leakers* and the new designs are getting crazier and cooler but#please for the love of god hyv stop with the mullets PLEASE!!!#gaming#ga-ming#gaming genshin#genshin impact
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#i gotta go get my T bloodwork done tomorrow#which is fine but like#last time i was there the nurse was REALLY weird and they were pretty annoyed with me#because i hadn't come in for a long time#because life shit happened including breaking my ankle#and it's the same situation now but like so much fucking worse#and i don't want them to be assholes to me about it or about how i kind of miss shots quite a bit#like that's A Thing#it's a problem for me#but i don't deserve AT ALL to get scolded for it or treated like I'm doing something wrong#ugh i just have a chip on my shoulder#i know it has the potential to go fine and i am bringing backup with me#but EVERYTHING has gone wrong lately!#and if this goes wrong there is every chance it'll drive me to getting the stuff online and not getting bloodwork AT ALL#and I want to tell them that but I feel like they'd just be shitty about it because ultimately they may be an inclusive clinic#but they are still medical professionals and gatekeepers at heart and you can't trust medpros and gatekeepers further than you can spit#idk man I'm an adult just leave me alone to do my thing and accept that I will be in once a year for sure but no promises on more than that#i'm tired in advance#idk i just got the feeling last time that they were accusing me of getting my T illicitly and it's like bitch im not but even if i was#aren't you supposed to be a place people can be honest about their situations? am i not here jumping through your hoops to do it legally?#im doing what you wanted but the thing is I DON'T HAVE TO and if you keep acting weird im going to have to STOP#because i don't have energy to deal with my disintegrating life AND gatekeeping judgy bullshit#do cis men have to dance like this?
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originnssssss who remembers origins i Loved origins
#origins smp#i heard theres been like three failed origins revivals WHAT EVEN HAPPENED i was only there for the first one😅#beeduo#otubbo#oranboo#beeduo fanart#i rewatched some origins streams a little while ago oh my god theyre SO FUNNY#DUDE DOES ANUONE REMMEBER THAT ONE STREAM I COUDLNT FIND RHIS ONE STREAM#IR WAS LIKE THE ONE WHERE TUBBO WAS SINGING SUGAR BY MAROON FIVE and they were being really Funny thay shit h#ad me CRYING in 2021 Please i swear this happened imnot crazy but also they might have been separate streams actuallu i dont rememebr its#been wayyyyyyy too long#BUT IT HAPPENED I PROMISE Sorry i've been gone for a while ive been very busy lots of Things going on went to Six flags then jad a surprise#bday party then i had to buy shoes for prom then Go to prom and also i do figure skating and am out like every day idknt have Time im sorry☹#had a crepe yesterday it was sooooo goood im like learning to drive too that shit is boring as hell my dad kept gettign 😑 bc i couldn't stop#yawning DRIVING IS SO BORING its not my fault😭😭😭😭#ok what else ohhhh. y god i locked in SO HARD for this physics essay u guys dont even knowim getting ONE HUNDRED on that trust i just really#wanted to share ok i love you bge#WAIT ACTUALLT SORRU IM LIKE REMMEBERJNG THE ORIGINS STREAMS K WAYCHED#RANBOO WAS SO FUCKING FUNNT IN THOSE STREAMS TOO LIKE I REMEMBER NIKI WANTED TO SEE THEIR BASE and tubbo was like ooh maybe we can put like#water down here for you niki we need a water system and ranwas like Do we though?I WAD WAYCHING THAT .LIKE DAMMMNNNNNN OM LIKE GIGGLING WRIT#ING THIS RIGHT NOW I CAN HEARTHE CLIP HE DID NOTTT WANT HER IJNTHEIR BASE😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭#I NEED TO FIDN THAT STREAM WHERE IRS LIKE TOMMY AND JACK A D FHEHRE LOKE TALKING ABOUT DUOS AND THEN JACK SAYS THE MOST OUT OF POCKET SHIT I#VE EVER HEARD LKKE I LITERALLU HAD TK PAUSE. H PHONE AND BURST OUR LAUHJIMG MY JAW WAS ON THE FLOORRRRR DO U GUYS R EME ER WTF IM TLAKING AB#OUT IDK HOW TO FIND THESE STREAMS Oh my god u really Had to be there early 2021 that was liye the funniest era of mt life i wlild be#Tearing up from lauhjimg every day I MISS WAYCHING STREAMS LIVE CHAT WAS SO FUNNY I wishe it was archivedI WISH MORE STREAMERS KEPT CHAT ON#SCREEN i defiently understand why most didn't like Wyd when chats annouing ad hell but also Me 3 years later is interested in what the pub#lic had to say.... ok Now bye
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is there anything a beginner should know about having a cat? i was never allowed any pets growing up and wanted to get one once i'd moved out (but i'm also a little terrified of just how small kittens are compared to humans)
i am most definitely not the one to ask bc ive had him less than a year and i know for a fact he is more baby than most cats are.
i personally just binge watched cat rearing videos for a few weeks but once u get one ur gonna realize that every cat is kinda different but they all bite and scratch u no matter what and u just have to
#💀 this ask and reply is so old#sorry#at one point i was tossing them into queue#but had it paused#and u can tell how old this is bc ive had him for a year now oopsies#over a year actually#he dont actually bite me like#its more a AY AY AY STOP THAT#when i get cute aggression with him and go: OOOOUGGGGH BABAY UR SO FLUFFY UR SO GRRRRR#and like jiggle his torso???#or when he really wanna play and im distracted he will bite my toes#and each time im like hello i thought we were Past This#idk why i said he scratch tho….like when i first got him he scratched me a lot 😰😰😰#but i think that wasnt his fault#he had long nails#so even if he was trying to just get my attention itd tear
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Been getting an influx of obvious spam/porn bots and also blank blogs in my follows the past couple weeks so I guess this is a good time to state my policy on the latter again:
I don’t block blank blogs that follow me on sight if they have usernames that look like a person might’ve chosen them (ie not a random mash of letters and numbers). This is because it’s possible these blogs might be real users brand new to tumblr (or newly remaking etc).
However, I do go back and check and if after 1-2 weeks (whenever I remember to check) the blog still has not been customized with an icon etc and still has zero content, even likes? Blocked. If it has likes or other content but those seem…sus to me in very specific ways I won’t get into? Blocked. This is because I have decided that either the blog is a bot, is not intending to truly use tumblr anytime soon, or may be something more annoying or outright harmful specifically to me.
So if you’re new to tumblr and just followed me, hi! Please start using tumblr by reblogging and liking posts! I hope you’ll enjoy your time here. But…I’ll block you if you don’t actually use your blog. Sorry!
#kidk says stuff#I have a long-time stalker who loves to make new blogs to do nothing but harass me with threats and gobbledegook#she disappears sometimes for years at a time (she’s on hiatus from me now as far as I know) but when she comes back!#ohhhh I know her when I see her even when she hasn’t started sending me shit yet#but if you do NOTHING with your blog so I can’t tell? I block so if you’re her you never get the CHANCE to bother me#((details available on request for mutuals—it’s a wild story))#I also have another stalker but i don't block her bc i think she'd go ballistic in a non-funny way if she discovered i blocked her#so I just endure her in my inbox occasionally. she otherwise uses tumblr normally afaik. i don't stalk HER after all so idk#it’s so funny how weirdos have gravitated to me over the many years. I have storiiiies…these two and otherssss...#I just vibe in my corner and people decide they hate me. kind of amazing really.#oh ps when I say long time I mean the situations predate tumblr’s existence. these people have stalked me on *multiple websites*#for *decades*#((meanwhile my *funniest* stalker hasn't found me on tumblr that i know of and hopefully stopped stalking me manymany years ago))#((but that story was bizarre in a genuinely hilarious way on top of being creepy as hell. truly one for the books.))#((when i say i've had weirdos...i mean it.))
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i lovvvve when authors stretch out a sentence into a paragraph and bombard you with commas i love when you cant catch your breath as you read and it forces you to feel the same tension and scattered panic as the character its such an effective tool ugh
#this is about american psycho but it is also about how i write#i mean i used to just have mad long sentences bc i was just writing the same way i think#but i use it deliberately now and the effect (to me anyway) is always so strong#like yeah this guy is spiralling the fuck out and you cant pause until his brain stutters to a stop either#ALSO the choice to switch from first person to third in that one scene was really cool#though idk i wish the start and end point were more deliberate#BUT of course in saying that i think having it be somewhat arbitrary is perfect for the character and also like#idk dissociation doesnt choose the most narratively high point or whatever yk#also also the glaring shift to just 'shes wearing shoes earrings a bracelet...from where?' impeccable
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waow
#before anything else i must warn this is going to be. unorganized thoughts mostly#in the last year or so ive tried to regain confidence that i am in fact plural and am not just faking it#or mistaking other symptoms for DID. shake off the denial y'know. as is so signature for this damn disorder#a diagnosis probably wouldnt even make me feel more sure lol. and also getting diagnosed for this specifically is like#the final boss of psychiatry to put it lightly lol#but when it quiets down in headspace ur always gonna feel like. maybe its over. whatever that was#it was just me and brandy for a while#but guess who had a godawful night and then a godawful morning and split a new alter ‼️‼️🔥🔥🔥🔥#he hates it here! he might hate me for creating him! im not sure !#hell im not even rly sure if im juno or brandy rn lol. my mind is just so messy today#i woke up.. when did i wake up. like 9:30 i think and its 1pm now and i haven't gotten out of bed#i don't even remember all that time passing . i couldve sworn its only been like an hour. two at most#on the one hand this has all been kinda terrible and mentally exhausting but at the same time. hey cant say im faking now LMAO#the other hand is brandy. the other hand is absolutely brandy. i am tired lol#im only posting this here so i can just like. process it i guess#ive had a weird time finding an outlet to just spew random thoughts into since leaving twitter so. sorry#idk if anyone's expecting this of me but i always kinda feel like i need some level of professionalism on this account#keyword some. i know this is tumblr#but idk if these very open posts are. annoying? weird? uncomfortable? entertaining somehow?#i know I know theres no point in worrying abt how others percieve you . knowing that hasnt stopped me from doing it lol#i dont remember where i was going w this. maybe i didnt have a goal in the first place#idk if you read this far i dont rly need u to act like u didnt see it cuz like. wouldnt have posted it otherwise#but idk why i am posting. idk what i want out of anyone who has read all this#maybe just. interact w this post in some way idk. it's actually kinda grounding for me if you can believe it#bleghh im thinkin of cheating on my weed break just to treat myself after all this. weed + a long walk would fix me
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Random thought but I do think that fun can be such a good marker of whether or not something is healthy for you or even sometimes if it’s just good in general.
#of course not always! because we can be really blind#and stubborn#but also I mean over the course of time if something is still#fun#and it’s GOOD fun pure fun TRUE fun. the kind that bubbles up like joy and surprise and delight#and a bit of soda pop fizzle#that’s such a good sign that it IS good and it is good for you!!!#anyway I’ve been thinking a lot about investment in celebrities’ personal lives#and yes yes not a weakness of many but absolutely a weakness of MINE#I was thinking about how it often happened that at the height of an obsession of mine with a celebrity/their life it would stop being fun!!#And I would become absolutely miserable#because I was expending emotional energy where I didn’t need to be#and so I would have to draw way back. and when I did time would pass and life would unfold#and now it’s like—-I hope Taylor and Travis get engaged#it would be sooooo fun for me as a long time swift stan and care-abouter of Taylor’s happiness#and as a lover of romance and engagements#and also because engagements are front-facing in nature! they belong to the public a little bit!#in some small measure! so it would be appropriate to care and rejoice#and also I couldn’t take it very far or for very long until it was (again) no longer my business#but I guess my point is: fun is a good indicator of where that line is#it will stop being fun when it stops being relevant/personal/applicable/news I can actually participate in and rejoice in honestly#on another note sometimes in my teaching I will hear students discussing who I should marry#and it is—for a brief moment—so fun for me actually. it’s pure and funny and a reminder that THEY believe I could find romance#and should. and also if I were to take them seriously for a second. if I were to be like ‘hey can you guys set me up’#it would instantly become Not Fun anymore for them AND for me and that’s just !!!!!!!#idk i think it’s super important (and also super important to have a well-honed sense of fun I guess) (but that’s another conversation#ANYWAY#some THOUGHTS
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