#it felt like so much more than me
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While I'm posting dreams, here's another one.
This was in many ways one of my strangest dreams due to the fact that it lingered far more than any dream usually does. The physical sensations of training in magic remained, even into that evening I could still feel the pull of magic and the feel of the staff as it either shot over my shoulder or thunked into my palm. In addition, the myth in the dream continued to narrate smoothly after I woke up, instead of halting abruptly and quickly fading.
After training, a myth was told.
A man wandered, lost and purposeless after the destruction of his home, before a god took pity on him and appointed him guardian of the gates to the afterlife. He could not be with his family, but he could ensure their afterlife. He did his job and welcomed in all who came to him.
Soon after he took on this role he saw a soul who looked particularly troubled. He asked them what weighed on their mind. The response shook the man and for the first time he turned a soul away. From this point forward he would weigh and judge each individual who came to his gate. Over time, his eyes grew impartial and dispassionate, able to see the truths at the very core of souls. Thus he became the Gatekeeper.
The Gatekeeper held his station until the end of all things. As this world ended and another began, one last soul stood before the Gatekeeper. The very same god who gave him purpose so many years ago now stood on the edge between life and death, the last speck of life leaving a dying world. He explained that after this final passing the Gatekeeper could at last rest and rejoin his family on the other side.
The Gatekeeper looked into his soul and saw pride, saw pain and weariness, joy and contentment. He saw sadness and guilt without regret.
He saw the deaths of his family from so very long ago.
The Gatekeeper was content with his role and knew the necessity of his post. The man the Gatekeeper once was felt the return of time-dulled bitterness and anger.
This immortal soul cannot be taken by oblivion. He must either pass through the gate or continue his life here, but the Gatekeeper cannot leave until the last soul has left.
The being that was neither god nor mortal looked upon the god who created him and spoke his judgement.
#I loved this dream#it felt like so much more than me#and it felt real in a strange way#and I don't think I've ever had a dream continue to it's conclusion after I woke up#And the conclusion kind of had two endings#one ending would have been a soft and bittersweet yet long-awaited ending#about forgiveness or condemnation with nothing at stake#the other ending was more like what I put above#with the immortal soul#it makes it a story about whether vengeance and retribution is worth giving up your own happiness#the story is so much about his choice to the point where I couldn't make it for him#but it also isn't about that at all#It’s about the gods who create and judge us and how we eventually come to judge them#and either way I didn't get to hear his answer#his answer is between him and his god#dreams#my post#mythology#well#it felt like mythology anyway
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fionna and cake drawings before and after watching the episodes so far. it’s nostalgic and somehow cathartic and poignant and relatable and—it just started
#i’m part of the demographic where i was a kid when adventure time started and now watching fionna and cake as an adult makes me emotional#because did they keep us in mind when writing fionna and her attitude towards life#the dissatisfaction#the hoping for something more#something more magical than this dreary life filled with working to live and living to work#it’s so reflective of how life feels for me and perhaps many of us#and also Simon’s episode was so sad but so well thought out#exploring his feelings after the events of the adventure time finale is something I’m glad we get to see#there were already so many layers to his character in AT but now it feels like we get to dive deeper#I also felt emotional hearing Rebecca Sugar singing and writing a song that encapsulates his feelings so well#😭 it’s been awhile seeing her work exist alongside these characters#and all of these emotions get stronger because I remember AT being the one to inspire me to be a storyboard artist#when I was younger I used to follow many of the board artists here in tumblr and would get so inspired by them#to create simple but powerful boards that can capture the feelings of characters so well#Rebecca Sugar’s songs for the AT characters inspired me so much too#I’m sorry this is long I’m just feeling so many things experiencing all of this again as an adult#my art#fanart#adventure time#fionna and cake#fionna the human#cake the cat#simon petrikov
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hey, remember being 18 years old and playing mass effect for the first time and it's got this like intense aura of being very small and very insignificant in a very big, very empty galaxy? remember playing mass effect for the first time and everything all of this is so new and mysterious, and it's 2am and you're sitting in a dark room in the light from your tv and you're playing through feros for the first time and you feel that this is someting very old and very ancient and you are somewhere you shouldn't be and you don't know what's going to happen or where you're going but you keep on. there's a tingling in your stomach and you're playing mass effect for the first time. the thorian is a milennia old sentient plant being. the rachni queen is old and telepathic and a hive mind and in pain. sovereign is an ancient machine that has not been built but is, and has always been, and this is something so alien and so unlike and beyond anything your human mind can comprehend, and this is something unexplainable and huge and as uncaring and indifferent as the empty galaxy around you. you're playing mass effect for the first time and you're walking on the surface of an almost completely empty planet with nothing but your two companions silently walking beside you and everything is so huge and empty and silent and you're so small and insignificant and it's so beautiful and so scary and you feel like you are on a rollercoaster about to drop down. you are playing mass effect for the first time and you're playing the mission on the moon and you stop and just look up at earth visible in the sky. you know this. this is home. you are playing mass effect for the first time, and the galaxy is so big, and you are so tiny, and everything is about to change for you.
#mass effect#wild rambles#i miss the feeling of playing that game for the first time#now i know everything and it isn't as mysterious and alluring anymore#getting lost in the tunnels on feros is one of my memories of all time. it just felt like... i was meant to get lost. there's Something her#i love the whole trilogy but man me1 really did have that sci-fi interstellar type of feeling the other two don't#also later they retconned the reapers as having actually been built by someone as opposed to ''this is so alien you can't understand it.#this is a machine without a creator. it has always existed. you are not meant to understand. this is so much bigger than you.''#which i really liked a lot more but like. whatever. im not in charge. they wanted to make things more palatable to the human mind when i#think the cosmic horror aspect of the reapers in me1 was one of the things that affected me the most#and made me stay with the series for as long as i did
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etho said actually you _don't_ understand the intricacies of how tango is my boyfriend and bdubs is my ex
(and how tango and bdubs kiss too)
Scar: We went on that little adventure, you know! Etho: Yeah, yeah, we had our adventure, that's true, that's true. Scar: You disparaged your teammates. That's it, all right, no more spoilers. Etho: (laughs) Our team has -- our team has some weird dynamics this -- this season. Cleo: (overlapping) Really, Etho? Is there trouble in paradise? (pause) Who's third-wheeling with you, again? I can't remember. Etho: (laughs) Uhh. The -- Cleo: Genuinely can't remember. I know it's you and Bdubs. And...Tango? Tango. Tango. Etho: (loudly) Why -- Why is Tango the third wheel? Why -- why isn't Bdubs the third wheel? Cleo: Because it's you and Bdubs. I'm sorry. I understand how that relationship goes. Etho: (dissatisfied) Hmm.
#why is this what makes me post again#tangtho#etho#ethoslab#tango#tangotek#tango tek#bdubs#bdoubleo100#bangtho#< saw that in etho's comments. and. yeah#also consider that tango and bdubs were together first this series and etho is the third wheel#to the fucked up love hate thing they have going on#there's never been something more appreciating and adoring BUT biting each other as tangdubs#goodtimeswithscar#hermitcraft s10#wild life smp#wild life smp spoilers#(Sorry but some people have ethubs blinders on but that's so much less interesting to me than the whole.#Yes bdubs is pathetic and will always be at etho's feet. and Yes etho will pity bdubs and want him protected.#but tangtho (!!!) has SO much more to play with...to Me.)#and Why is etho being a tango girl so under-noticed??? lmao. it's there to be noticed All the time#hot mic! hot mic!#but also lowkey dreading ep2 lmao#anyway I'll regret posting this lol#(also I see you asks in my inbox. sorry I haven't replied yet <3 re: s7 oh do I have thoughts! it's where it truly kinda began... I started#forming a reply to you back in May I think but I've been kinda averse to posting/participating in the fandom side for a while. sorry I#stopped being a good place for your tangtho snippets </3 I've still been watching and enjoying the streams and the tango etho joy continues#just haven't really felt like posting)
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Laios's three Boy Best Friends. And yes, they hate him.
#dungeon meshi#laios touden#toshiro nakamoto#chilchuck tims#kabru#BF in this context could be boyfriend or best friend. The line is so blurry.#Chilchuck less so but whatever is going on between Shuro and Laios & Kabru and Laios is giving strong:#“dude if you were a girl I'd date the hell out of you”. And from the genderswap extra's that sentiment is canon for BOTH.#This was made prior to the translation of the Laios & Kabru & Shuro restaurant date comic and honestly I am just feeling vindicated.#I don't even know what to call this dynamic other than a situationship. There is so much going on between all of them.#Even on a purely platonic reading - the miscommunication and male yearning for friendship hurt so bad.#When we got the Big Hug scene in the epilogue arc I was whooping and hollering! Pure catharsis moment!#I also don't like hugs very much so I really felt it went Shuro ('hates being touched') went in for the bear hug.#Do not get me started on the agony of 'always lying' Kabru telling the truth (I just wanted to be friends)#and 'always believes' Laios thinking it's another lie and brushing him off.#I am once again supporting dungeon meshi day by posting art. Please watch dungeon meshi.#obligatory edit because I’m tired: YES. Chilchuck cares for Laios and him admitting it was a huge part of his arc#YES he is more just fed up with him that actually hating him.#I needed a third guy to be canonically done with his ass for the THREE WEED SMOKING GIRLFRIENDS reference
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Erik when Charles showed him the brightest corner of his memory system and telling him there’s good in him:
#i think charles was one of or even the only person erik felt comfortable being vulnerable with#he’s gonna be tucking his hair behind his ear like radio rebel#damn i really need this scene but moira never interrupted#we could have had cherik kiss in 4k 😭😭#‘theres so much more to you than you know not just pain and anger there’s good too i felt it’#going crazy about these gay people#trying to distract mysekf from the sadness that is looming over me right now 😥#cherik#charles xavier#erik lehnsherr#x men#professor x#magneto#wish does not shut up
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if only things had been different for you
id under cut
[ID] a digital painting of dahlia hawthorne and iris from ace attorney. their backs are facing each other, with dahlia on the far left of the picture, and iris on the far right. their hair is blowing towards each other, and connecting in the middle. dahlia is looking over her shoulder, with a neutral, but cold, expression. a single tear is falling from her eye, and her loose hair is blowing into her face. her right eye is not visible. white glowing butterflies are flying around her, and she has a noose around her neck. iris is facing sister bikini, who is off screen. iris is also crying, but bikini is wiping away her tears. iris's loose hair is blowing behind her, and out of her face. above dahlia and iris are two drawings of dusky bridge. above dahlia, the bridge shows the silhouettes of valerie hawthorne pointing a gun at terry fawles, who was holding a young dahlia hostage. no details can be seen on the figures. above iris, dusky bridge is on fire. underneath dahlia, there are red dahlias that are dripping blood, and under iris there are some irises. in the center of the picture, dahlia and iris as children are standing side by side. their hair is black and medium length. they have bangs and both twins have a braid going down the side of their head, dahlia's on the right side of her head, and iris' on the left. they are both wearing white dresses, white knee-high socks, and black mary jane shoes. both of their dresses are dirty, with dahlia's being slightly dirtier. [end ID]
#my art#ace attorney#dahlia hawthorne#iris ace attorney#iris hawthorne#it is done.... *collapses*#surprisingly only took me about 4 hours total to finish and not like a week#yippee for random middle of the night motivation!!#also this bad boy can hold so much symbolism#feel free to ask me about the symbolism in this drawing bc id love to talk about it!! especially since i put more than i usually do#felt like i was returning to my symbolism roots from 2020 by drawing flowers... i dont think ive painted a flower since like. 2021#cw bright colors#<- just in case bc of dahlias highly saturated hair lol#2023
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keykid dump
#kh#kingdom hearts#khux#khml#keykid#kh player#kh brain#sou (keykid)#stray (keykid)#ok brains barely here but i might as well#this is also more sou than stray but thats just bc sou wont let me rest#anyway hi. im not dead. ive just been too keykidpilled to function#ive never felt as obsessed w any character than i do w my own damn keykid ocs. thats embarrassing right#like u have no idea how much theyve completely taken up my head#ive been writing down ideas as they come and i have over 60 . im p sure this has never happened to me before#send help im abt to make a twt alt just so i can post them more#myart
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do you ever think about how lucanis keeps losing and losing and losing — his entire life? losing his parents, losing his childhood because of the crow training, losing his freedom, his sleep, and one year of his life due to imprisonment. then the maker smiles upon him, and he's discovering something good (rook, the veilguard team, purpose), acquiring something back (his family, his life, his freedom, his job, his city), finding some peace in mundane things (coffee, cooking, taking care of others). it feels like the scales are finally moving, balancing — only for him to lose again. he loses caterina, he can lose his city to blight, he loses at weisshaupt, he loses grip on himself (thanks to spite), he loses control — he loses himself, piece by piece. rook can help lighten the load on his chest (thanks to spite), he gets caterina back, and breathing feels a little bit easier. but loss is not done with him. he loses illario, and it feels like losing a limb, a large piece of himself violently torn away. he's visibly shaken, but no one truly knows what it takes to string the assorted pieces of himself together and keep functioning. and then loss deals what seems like the final blow: some of his friends are dead or lost, and rook is gone, too. he failed; he only knows death, doesn't he? life only takes, and takes, and takes, giving only to tease and take it back. at that moment, he's falling apart completely — until they find rook, and there's a sliver of hope once again. the scales are moving, the team wins, they eventually go back to their lives — and that's when he realizes that the final blow is the life as the first talon.
#it's written with romanced lucanis in mind but i felt like it's important to mention that he can lose treviso too#also it's easy to water it down to some sort of karmic explanation: he dealt death and that's what he gets in return#but i think it's a completely wrong and even harmful take#his story could have illustrated perfectly the cruel and abusive system that crows are;#how it breaks people; abuses them for profit and (usually) brings out the worst in them (illario)#and they lose eventually — themselves; if not power#and even if you manage to stay human and sympathetic you keep losing as well because you're trapped in this never-ending cycle of violence-#--and power play; and that would tie perfectly with zevran's story they tried to play out offscreen in the previous games#it would have been so much more meaningful and impactful than uhhh whatever they did in the game 🙃#that would give illario so much more depth as well#also i don't believe lucanis wasn't shaken after the whole illario ordeal (i think it wasn't shown in the game at all????)#like. illario is/was the closest person to him. he spent so much time with him. and yet nothing???#idc about that stupid hero of veilguard badge gimme the brothers' agony!!!!#lucanis dellamorte#illario dellamorte#rook#dragon age the veilguard#dav#dav spoilers#**meta#**writing#UH i love them both so much 😭#someone needs to do the crows rewrites.........#not me obv im not capable but i'd love to read someone's version#anyway.... what do you think.... tell me...... talk to me about the miserable brothers......
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Fuck you Endeavor. Fuck you All For One. Fuck you to all the Pro-Heroes. Fuck the Hero Society and FUCK YOU HORIKOSHI too 🥰
#boku no hero academia#my hero academia#bnha#mha#bnha spoilers#mha spoilers#bnha 426#mha 426#fuck endeavor#— ❥ kelrambles;#am i pissed?? HELL YEAH. am i sad?? FUCK YEAH. I AM FUCKING CRYING FOR FUCK SAKE—#ahhhh i am so done with horikoshi istg… SO. DONE.#always killing off the characters who more than anyone in this god forsaken manga deserved to be happy#the hero society haven’t got better AT ALL#the same toxic shit all over again that promotes so much toxicity it makes me VOMIT#excusing the abusers and crucifying the victims OHH I AM SO FUCKING SICK TO MY STOMACH#been hurling so bad at the last few chapters because tf?????#like… i’m sorry today’s chapter was… nice (at most) only because touya got to have a last talk with his mother and siblings…#but other than that???? hope horikoshi steps on a lego hits the corners of every furniture with his toe EVERYWHERE he goes#and most of all???? that in this scorching weather both sides of his pillow are WARM AS FUCK#honestly… just like shigaraki’s chapter this chapter felt RUSHED as hell too…#especially after how much horikoshi have been staying behind the todorokis as a family…#idk these last chapters just don’t make sense to me…
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I know this is just a silly bad quality random screencap of a screencap that I found on facebook lol, BUT it's a succinct enough image to easily describe the concept in a quick/accessible way hopefully :
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(and of course, feel free to elaborate in tags, etc.! (especially elaborating about other senses as well.. can you "hear" in your mind just as well as you can "see"? taste? etc.) It's an interesting topic to me, as someone who's like a 4.5 at MOST lol. I'm curious what option will be the most common :0c )
#tumblr polls#hrmm... a little poll perhaps.. about a subject I find interesting.. since this image came across my facebook today#still really not feeling that well. no longer shaking violently and such but I still feel weird and weak much more than usual#They did say my markers for like infection or inflammation were elevated but that they werent sure of the cause so hopefully#it's nothing too serious. they did also say a lot of different things can cause that thing to be higher than normal but didn't go into spec#fics of what. maybe some of them are relatively benign or something. I still havent felt much back to normal since#I got really sick that one time though. I feel fine on and off but then little bouts of feeling weird and sick happen. hrmmm#ANYWAY.. looking for small ways to be productive. such as little doodles on evil ipad or editing game videos#or posting polls or cat pictures or some other like not very labor intensive things#I WISH I COULD FOCUS on writing HHRGGhh... I need to finish my game.. it would be so freeing.. a project that's been looming#over my head for like 5 years even though througouht that 5yrs I've probably spent a total of 3 months working on it lo.. ANYWAY#I still partially really cannot beleive that people CAN see stuff in their heads. There's always part of me that's thinking like. well mayb#e everyone DOES see the same exact thing but we just describe/conceptualize it so differently that we think we're talking about#different things when we're really not. But I have been assured by people I've talked to about it that they can GENUINELY really see#stuff in their heads like as vivid as an actual picture in real life or something. And the other senses are neat too. Like for exmaple I#can hear in my head much better than I can see imagery. I still CANNOT hear vividly like as if I were listening to actual music out loud..#but I think it's developed more than my sight. AND interesting how this varies the creative process. a friend I was talking to on the phone#said they write by literally just watching stuff play before them like a movie. where my process is COMPLETELY different. AND that affects#the content/what details we focus on as well as our individual styles of writing have differences that can be traced back to that.. hrmm
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Please don't hurt yourself
#lobotomy corporation#lobcorp#library of ruina#hod#hod lobcorp#hod lobotomy corporation#hod library of ruina#erm... michelle. hii michelle. going to have to spoiler tag for you though baby#lobotomy corp spoilers#lobcorp spoilers#okay i think thats it#no shading because this made me want to KILL YMSELF#it looks fone w out it anyways. yay. thank you filter after effects for saving my ass this . hurt me so muchh to try to finish#nothing specific that had me make this. at least from lobcorp lor. its more of having more empathy towards my past self or when i was young#than me. right now. it feels as if the past is so devoid of my current self yet i know that its Me. its just so distant. to the point where#at times it feels as if the me of the past is devoid of the current me. im told im very empathetic? hard to tell. that im patient and kind#or more of understanding to everyone but Myself. so when i try to be kind to myself it feels impossible. but im able to do it to my past se#which makes a disconnect. please dont hurt youself. please dont hate youself. you dont need to do that. i know you want to live it hurts#i know. its alright to want to live. you dont need to apologize and feel Guilty. but never towards Myself. to console and wish to soothe bu#not to the current self. to pardon and accept but not to this Me. so i wanted to put it down kinda. felt most similar to hod ish.#its guilt for living. apologizing for existing. wanting to be accepted and pardoned. but also forgiving and accepting the self of before#not so much forgiving. forgive is a weird word. the hurt never leaves. and the guilt is there regardless. but. yknow. accept#sorry some random shit. yappin. who gaf abt that guy. who was that guy. anyways. hod <3 HODD!!!#just like to ramble abt what i think abt when i go to make pieces. since i uhh dont really have anyone to tell who would care. so. awkward.#god thats embarrassing actuallt migjt delete if im not lazy asf later. loser oversharing on the internet AHH 💥💥#uhmm back to the actual piece. the proportions and fhe coloring were having me feel like i was dging trying to get it right. almost#considered just gettinf rid of it and scrapping the whole piece. didnt though. wanted to have it done and finished. hod <3#the feeligns described arent what i would relate w hod? but closest chatacter towards the general thougut. so wanfed to draw her#i wanted to do more w ligjting and such as well. but it never ended up getting in. maybe later
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sorry for no art i’ve been playing persona 4 golden and i’m kneedeep in tv world hell 🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼
average newsona fan when they realize they can’t myriad truths their way through every single fucking battle and have to actually play the game
#ngl p4 is rly clunky but the graphics have some old 2000s charm to them so it’s cute i don’t mind it 😭#reminds me of playing the early zelda games on my 3ds in elementary school#the models are lowkey kinda cute 😭😭 especially yosuke he looks so silly#i rly love the dynamic of the investigation team…..better than the phantom thieves i dare say#they act so much like high schoolers like they’re so realistic#also the dynamics between other characters are rly developed and important to the story which i rly liked#different from p5 where it was solely joker interacting and having development with other characters#the team dynamic felt more solidified in p4 as a result#the confidants are kinda mid aside from the investigation team and the ppl at ur school but that’s ok if#i might draw some they’re rly cute i love them all#p4 feels so nostalgic it rly makes me wish i played it when it came out first#the anime is rly good from what i hear too. i watched some w tumblr user haliai yesterday#anyway yea
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How did it go ? 👁👁
I FEEL ALIVE
#i won't say much because knowing the x is watching my tumblr is making me nervous and queazy#but all this time. all this time i thought chivalry was a fantasy#i just feel. alive. cute. giggly.#like. a woman. being courted. its so fun???#OUGH#he is very down to earth. mature. conversation endless. which is such a nice change of pace LMAO#i don't know what the future holds bc i am very set on enjoying my solitude for a while (ive NEVER lived alone in my 31 years on this earf)#only in very very short periods#and i want that more than anything else#my own schedule. my own home. mine everything.#flirting though? i can live with that. i can live with rosy cheeks and christmas markets and dinners and drinks. its. just. gah!#its lovely.#and i feel lovely. i hope he felt the same injection of joy (which it seems like- i got a very sweet text today)
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Something something perhaps the reason Curly lacks a truly undamaged ID where his face is visible is to represent how much damage Jimmy had already affected on him throughout their relationship and the way Curly obscured part of who he is and what he stood to unintentionally cater to this toxic influence in his life.
#I think there is something to say that most people draw post crash curly and may not have every drawn him pre crash#and I think it says something that we only really look at the characters substantially in relation to Jimmy and not their own merits#unless we are discussing how J I M M Y mischarcterizes them cause in this#since we don’t assign a face and identify to Curly’s actions outside of Jimmy until the end their is the question of how much we are viewing#them as separate entities rather than intertwined actions cause while the flipping#of who we play at shows them and parallels and in separable in terms of the story going down#they couldn’t be drastically more different in thinking and you only really realize that at the birthday scene where Curly felt the need to#take responsibility for something while Jimmy just felt the need to take#this is also more so me thinking about all the reason people think Curly and Jimmy could be friends but they are missing the point of Jimmy#and his dynamic there is nothing severely weird or sinister about Curly or his intentions it’s that he’s well meaning to a fault#he’s an average dude having a mid life crisis and Jimmy is a guy that takes advantage of good intentions like the idea#that curly has to be like Jimmy in some way personality humor morally is the exact sort of projection Jimmy wants#to happen and does like it’s the sad and real case that sometimes people just have friends like Jimmy that they can’t cut off for one reason#or another like it’s not highly philosophical people are friends with objective assholes but it’s less about them#and more about the person feeling some obligation to stay like I feel like crafting him into#being more morally grey is to just make it easier to be angrier or think someone with more of a backbone#could of done something but it’s not even that he was spineless he was just too distracted and sometimes that feel like cowardice like even#Swansea waited it’s just the sad truth of how people avoid people like Jimmy or setting them off#sometimes it just does more harm than good I just am so bored with all the takes#acting like there was a perfect man on that ship and that any one outside of Anya knew the exact type of guy Jimmy#was from the get go like the point is other men wouldn’t in rape culture but women and their victims already know#mouthwashing#mouthwashing game#curly mouthwashing#jimmy mouthwashing#throwing rocks at Jimmy
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in honor of the Sam BA 🫡📣 idk what to do with myself
#rising from the dead for sam collins? you bet!#what the fuck. what the fuck . w#oh my god#do you feel me? oh my god#it deserves more than doodles. can i draw stuff from the ba like legally idk#okau ill drink waterand stop tagging this so much#redacted audio#redacted asmr#brainz oc tag#digital art#fanart#art#artists on tumblr#digital artist#redacted darlin#redacted sam#im rlly sick rn it just felt too important not to post something to commemorate i love sam so much
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