#it feels weird to have some things reblogged by strangers who don't say anything

[deeisace]

Augh

I wish there was an "only me" option for who can reblog stuff

It's annoying to only have "no one" or "everyone"

[interstellarsystem]

Plurality and Suffering

This was going to be a reblog to someone else's post, but this deserves its own. My wording might be slightly weird because I'm having some disorganised thinking, ask to clarify if you need.

People online have such an issue with plurals presenting themselves as happy, or enjoying the fact that they're a system in the slightest. If you're not all doom and gloom, people just... Assume you're faking it for fun? As if plurals have to share their suffering online? As if they have to suffer?

"You're clearly treating plurality like its all fun and games! Look at all these silly, lighthearted posts! Not a hint of distress or trauma! How can you be diagnosed with DID when you're clearly not disordered?"

Do you ever stop to think for more than 5 seconds about personal safety? There's people who hate systems left and right, cringe subreddit posters, and generally people who would take that information and use it against you in some way. You don't share your personal name and address online, so why should we share the ins and outs of our daily struggles? Our trauma in any amount of detail? Anything that could be used to hurt or manipulate us further?

Not only is no one else entitled to that information, but it's not safe to share in a place where strangers can see it. We don't share a list of our triggers for the same reasons--we don't want to hand out the keys to our trauma to anyone who happens to see us online.

Not every plural has to suffer either, mind you. So many types of systems tend to not struggle due to their plurality or even anything remotely related to it, and that's okay! You don't need to suffer to be real, suffering isn't a prerequisite to being plural. I'm not even just talking about nondisordered systems here either.

Systems with CDDs can heal. DID, OSDD, DDNOS, anything. They can get to a point where life is worth living if it didn't feel like it already. It could be through final fusion, but it could also be through learning to live together happily as a collective. They can get to a point where the major suffering of the past is far behind. Having a dissociative disorder is NOT a death sentence, I promise you. Things can get better, either through therapy, or medication or just time and learning itself--all while still remaining happily plural.

Acting like disabled people (or even a subgroup of them) will never ever be able to live a life with any happiness or one even worth living at all is an ableist argument used to support so many horrible things thrown toward disabled people of all kinds. It's a few steps away from saying we need to be put out of our misery because we can never live a meaningful, happy life. We've seen this exact argument used against all kinds of mentally or physically disabled people, saying it's cruel to keep them living. And that's absolutely ridiculous.

It's so sad that these sentiments are common in CDD spaces. Yes, there are struggles that come with the disorder, but you can heal. The idea that you will never be okay is a lie. You might not be at a neurotypical level of functioning, but you can be happy, and you can be happy being plural. You are worth it, your disorder doesn't change that, and neither does the general community vibe of "everyone has to suffer and hate their system". You can be happy, you can love your system, you can grow together and make life what you want it to be.

Being a system of any kind is never, EVER a sign that your life will never be good. It's never a sign that you can never feel happy again. It's never a sign that you should just give up. And being required to show off how much you struggle in order to have the basic amount of respect--people just simply believing that you experience what you say you do--is absolutely ridiculous. You don't need to suffer at all, and if you are suffering, you don't need to do it forever--much less share that with people who could use it against you.

Do better, for yourselves and for others in your community. It's okay to be in pain, it's okay to wish things were different, it's okay to share experiences and gather support, but it's not okay to act like no one who is plural could ever have happiness in their life, or claim that those who don't suffer as much as you are fake. Stop spreading the sentiment that suffering is the only way.

[my-unorthodox-life]

okay can i vent for a minute? get real personal with all y'all?

i've been a tumblr user since i got my first tablet at age 12, over a decade of having at least one active blog (usually more) so it's safe to say i've both gotten my fair share of hate and found ways of using this app to benefit me and keep me detached from this hate

currently i have 4 active blogs, my main where i do the typical reblogging and updates on my fanfics, this one where i post like a proper blog and reblog jewish things that matter to me, my mental health recovery blog where i talk about my eating disorder and ptsd, and my adult one where i reblog fun sexy stuff and chat about the struggles of dating as sex positive people with trauma.

all very important to me and all have various levels of anonymity when it comes to knowing about me as a person. some have my name, some a nickname, one just my age. plus various tidbits so people know what to expect from my posts and what we can chat about, basic blog rules essentially

in the past few months as antisemitism has gotten more and more common place i of course get more anon hate, i don't turn of inboxes since i do get nice stuff from time to time, and that's kind of the territory of running a blog (i had a trans rights one in the age of kalvin garrah, i think i'll live)

out of those four blogs the one that gets the most antisemitic messages, i mean full paragraphs of truly vile ramblings that read like a nazi fever dream, is the one for my mental health recovery. a blog that i block all but mutuals on, meaning either a stranger or someone i've interacted with is sending these messages

i've started replying to them, cause i feel if they want to be mean and make a fool of themselves i might as well let everyone see (poor guy keeps sending me weird reviews of "my" wattpad fics. i've never had a wattpad account but this doesn't seem to stop him), but what gets me is that blog has the least personal information on it. no name or nickname, no hobbies or interests listed, nothing about what i do for work beyond "pet care", and the only mention of my religion or politics was one post that joking about how my mental health often gets worse around the high holy days (very demure, very mindful)

and yet that's the blog that gets straight up death threats, not even disguised as anything else, just straight up calling me a pig who deserves to burn. not the personal blog where i've posted about israel and palestine, or about dating while religious, or hell even this one that might as well be a "i'm a sensitive jewish minded person! thoughts?" blog.

no the one blog that people feel safe harassing is the nondescript recovery and relapse blog. that's where people feel comfortable.

and it makes me sad, not because of what was said, but because it *was* said. that there's people out there comfortable enough in their bigotry to go up to someone and spew vile hate like it's nothing, but only of course if they can't put a name or face to the person they're talking to

what this reminds me of is when i was in high school i had an art teacher who didn't stand for antisemitic jokes, and there were a lot in my school. one day a kid just asked him "Mr.Dexter, are you a jew?" and his response really stuck with me. he said "It doesn't matter, maybe I am, maybe I used to be, maybe my wife is. But you shouldn't not say mean things just because you don't want to get in trouble, you shouldn't say them because you know it's wrong. If you didn't know, you wouldn't ask."

and i think that really sums up all these trolls i've seen running through jewish blogs or even ones that casually mention it, they know it's wrong but the aren't saying it to a jewish face, they're just saying it to the idea of judaism

these people wouldn't walk up to you on the street and look you up and down and say half of what they feel comfortable typing, but here where they can not only hide their face, but seek out a target that has hidden their own they've found a way to give themselves free reign to say and do whatever they want. to them it's not a person on the other side of the screen, it's the strawman caricature of a jewish person, out here just for them to yell at to get whatever anger they have out of their system

of course there are some people who would say truly despicable things to a random person on the street, but cmon is that person really on tumblr hunting through buzz words to send hate?

anyways i know the compassionate thing to do would be to pray for them to heal what's hurting them so bad, but yanno what, they can suffer a bit first

[corvuscorona]

"You Never Forget Your First Love."

The other day, a mutual (hi! you know who you are I think probably hello hi! thank you for the Posting Impetus!) said something that made me curious (for, like, the 80th time, actually; lol. I Have Thoughts) about something: what's the split on people who subscribe to the "Stranger of Paradise probably intended for us to believe that Jack & Sarah were in love" mindset, vs. not? In general, but ESPECIALLY around these parts.

I genuinely didn't read it that way myself (& I do NOT normally give media (general) this much credit, but the writing in this game is sublime; I had no choice but to fully engage Scholar Mode on it), + I think it's interesting that SPECIFICALLY any of my fellow tumblr people / AO3-heads / Gay People Online / etc. seem to have. (I expect nothing from people who haven't been basting themselves in the same online sub-subcultures as me for over a decade. They're allowed to write wrong things on wikis, and have done so already; it's whatever.)

I wanna metapost badly again, so let's go. Join me. No poll. If you have an opinion on this, I'm looking directly into your eyes and beckoning you towards your own keyboard + also the reblog button / comment section, like a weird ghost. What did you think when you first played the game?? What do you think right now? What are you about to think after you have read a bunch of my words. Tell Me. I Need To Know This.

Spoilers for, idk, everything? Today we will use everything we've got to talk about Princess Sarah.

1. As a Narrative Element

This game makes a point of referring to Sarah as things like "a symbol of hope and peace" as often as possible, & when it isn't doing that she's usually in the role of An Object Or Device Of Some Kind, anyway. She's important because she's capable of holding light and dark in balance & SOMEONE'S gotta hold onto this dark crystal for safekeeping, and also we're gonna need to upset that balance on purpose later. There's that conversation in the Wicked Arbor about whether the Strangers would "choose" her (as opposed to "treasure") as the "reward" for succeeding in their mission[1], & there's the one in the Sunken Shrine where Jed asks Jack what he thinks of her and Jack says that he doesn't care about her as a person[2] BUT that protecting her is mission-critical (lol), too.

Sarah's death is metaphorically charged. It's the point of no return: the dark crystal breaks, the balance of light & dark gets extremely ruined, & Literally All The Darkness In Cornelia converges in one place (Fool's Missive XXVII). That's the payoff for the "symbol of hope and peace" motif, and communicating this idea that "the metaphorical light of hope just For Real Died, Like Catastrophically Imploded, No Take-Backs" feels to me like it was the highest priority here. Second-highest goes to "Jack had way more humanity before, but he set it aside on purpose and is actively in the middle of losing the rest of it." "Sort of." "I'm not getting into what counts as humanity or doesn't because if I did we would be here forever."

Basically, I'm saying that the tidiest read on the situation is "Jack despairs because Sarah dying means in a very literary and final way that everything is ruined forever, which doesn't necessarily have anything to do with, like, Love (romantic)." I don't think the text of the game is particularly signaling that Love (romantic) is involved, and I think that if it meant to, it would be more obvious about it. You could bundle "an romance" into the "humanity" thing if you wanted to, but I'm not inclined to, based on some additional list items that you can read below this one.

[1] The fact that Neon ALSO says she feels bad for her for being thought of in this way only reinforces my conviction that the game is pointing at Sarah & yelling "REMEMBER THAT SHE IS MOSTLY A SYMBOL!", tbh. Who wants to go point out how freaky the mechanics of Being An Royalty are w/ me and the boys??

[2] I will give the Wiki WrongPosters this: I can totally see this as some kind of irony thing, given that he's still missing like a fucktillion of his memories when he says it. However! As mentioned above, I have other reasons not to read it as evidence that he was ever, like, romantically interested in her.

2. As a Sheltered Youth™

We don't have a TON of information to work with RE: Sarah as, like, a person, but here are a couple of hard facts to start with: she's 19 (per the data book, but she'd have to be somewhere in the 18-to-early-20's age range regardless or her whole deal wouldn't really make much sense, imo. She's a baby...!), and she's royalty. I think this ties into her utility as a walking metaphor, among other things; she's archetypically young, fresh, & idealistic. I'd call her naïve but the game obviously isn't interested in portraying it as a weakness, so positive words only; why not.

You could argue that people look to her as a symbol of hope because she hasn't directly experienced enough strife to exhibit hopelessness or fear in response to bad news in the abstract. I find it interesting that before Jack, like, knocks the wind out of her & tells Sophia to take her outside so she can see for herself how bad things have gotten at the end of the game, she says that her duty is to die with her people if she has to, & it doesn't even seem to occur to her that she could lead at least some of them away to safety...? When she changes her mind, she still talks about herself as a symbol before she ever uses the word "leader". She sees HERSELF in terms of symbols and metaphors, and takes action based on her designated role As One Of Those. Not very practical.

There's also the dialogue you can have with the queen the first time you're allowed to run around in the throne room at the beginning of the game, where she asks Jack to smile in front of her daughters (NOT just Mia; daughters, plural). Even if she only means "dude can you be polite please," the fact that this is The thing she has to say to Jack is telling. Is it going to upset your 19-year-old daughter to see that the Guy Whose Job It Is To Kill Monsters looks serious? Why do you think this? Does your 19-year-old daughter understand how serious the situation is, generally speaking? Do you not WANT her to for some reason? Boats don't work anymore unless a weird elf messes with them first. Not thinking very hard about the implications of this is something a sheltered person does.

Residual time loop un-memories aside, a young woman in this situation is so obviously going to have a huge crush on Jack Garland no matter what. He Is So Cool, first of all, & he's also Different from the adult men she gets to see on an everyday basis (family, guards, rando townspeople[3]...). It's not like the political social scene could POSSIBLY be thriving in this world, either; it all seems to be one kingdom we're dealing with and they're kind of busy with the external threat of being Under Fucking Attack By Monsters. Does she even get fun treats like "handsome visiting dignitaries" & what-have-you? The game doesn't present us with any potential options, here. Jack is mysterious, he has special-boy Warrior of Light status, his one job & apparent life's purpose is protecting the kingdom she loves, he's pretty nice to her (even in later cycles he at least goes out of his way to be polite!), & additionally, he's shredded. THIS makes sense to me.

There's a Q&A in the data book that has something to say about JACK as a symbol & what that has to do with this whole thing but we'll get there. We'll get there.

[3] Tangent: what's up with how Cornelia's entire adult male population appears to consist of aging queens. Why did they only make models that look Like That for the NPCs? It's awesome but I have 1 quastion

3. JACK JUMPSCARE !

I'm not about to say that he's just humoring her, or anything, but please humor ME for one second & put yourself in Jack's shoes. Not the default shoes; we can have more fun than that. Maybe the Banded Boots. Blurple ones? Shaped like a cartoon would wear them? Big spikes on the back for no reason? I love those things. Anyway, you're Jack. You're working for literally the king, & the work means Everything to you for reasons you can't even necessarily explain except to say that it JUST does. The king's eldest daughter (very young adult; Never Been Outdoors; a little overly-sociable but nice enough & what do you expect from a princess, anyway) has imprinted on you like a duckling for whatever reason. You would be nice to this person, yes? You'd be patient with her while you're in town. You have Brutal Murders to be doing, but not until, like, 2 days from now, or whatever; you're sharing space with her in some capacity in the meantime & it's in your best interests to keep her happy. (You probably even enjoy doing this, if you're Jack of a Way Earlier Cycle; I'm in no way ruling that out. Sharing your music collection with an enthusiastic Baby Adult? That's fun. I think he was probably having fun. Okay, you can step out of the fun purple shoes if you want; the Humoring Me Minute has concluded; thanks.)

Also, @2000sanimeop and I think that if Jack felt that way about her Astos would have been a little More Something about how much it was gonna suck for him when she died. In Fool's Missive XXVII he uses the word "painful," but that's about it. He doesn't even bring it up in XXV, which is the one where he says he's curious about whether she'd survive being turned into a fiend (side note: Astos fucking rocks. Why did he write that down?? I love him). & Hey SPEAKING OF ASTOS,

4. I wouldn't put Jackstos on a wiki, either.

The writing in Stranger of Paradise, SERIOUSLY, WITHOUT EXAGGERATION, is some of the best I've seen in literally anything ever. It suits not just its medium but also its sort of Place in History Relative to Other Video Games & the things it chose to DO with that medium & that niche INSANELY well. It is CUSTOMIZED. It's SO INTENTIONAL. I can't get too far into this or we'll be here all day, but the essence of what I want to say here is: there are relatively few facts presented to us by this game, compared to the implications we can go about drawing from those facts & other, external sources of context.

Sarah calls Jack her first love; that's a fact. No facts are presented to us that REALLY say much one way or the other[4] about what Jack thinks of this, himself; "fucktillion memories missing" Jack says he doesn't care, but he's missing a fucktillion of his memories, and DLC2 Jack has a set of dialogue options (hi Anne the Malboro I love you Anne the Malboro) that can point either way depending on what the player chooses, which is kind of nothing, on balance. As the audience, we can (should!) draw whatever conclusion we want about it, but none of those conclusions are text.

[4] I WILL GET TO THE DATA BOOK IN ONE SECOND. HOLD ON.

And, okay, please let me level with you. Let's be on the same page. Jack & Astos had some kind of thing going on, imo, OBVIOUSLY, but I want to be CLEAR and I want to get CREDIT for the things I'M bringing to the table to help generate this conviction. I drew that conclusion & I read that reading based on subtext, context, personal history, personal preference, & sheer gay zest for life. It is also, emphatically, NOT TEXT.

Astos refers to Jack with the ol' "...friend" in Fool's Missive XXI. He calls him "my Jack" in Fool's Missive XXXI. Canonically, textually, he has some big fucking COMPLICATED fucking feelings about this man. These are facts. If you're playing this game as Some Guy, I can see how you could potentially absorb these facts & still pay them much less regard[5] than I did & continue to. My argument here is that god I wish I lived in a world where Some Guy could extend the same courtesy to me and not treat Sarah's textual affection for Jack as something that necessarily indicates Some Kind Of Reciprocal Romantic Whatever, Definitely, Obviously, Of Course.

[5] Longer Tangent: I have been informed that the Some Guys of the world are currently pretty good at Recognizing a character that behaves in a way that's Pretty Gay, but tend to stop there, possibly for the combined reasons that A. they're not very familiar with a lot of the the ways gay relationships often work (you know, soul resonance. mutual recognition. sharing a brain etc.) and B. the Object Of Affection is usually the player character and they subconsciously shy away from thinking of a Guy They're Supposed To Identify With as gay. This is practically a lead-in to an entire separate post I could make, so I'll leave it at that, lol.

The writing is too good for that kind of assumption! I'M SERIOUS!! It's mind-blowingly subtle & endlessly fascinating to hold up to the light & view from every possible angle, and "Jack & Sarah were in love" + "Jack & Astos were in love" are BOTH ANGLES. I'm personally very very interested in giving the text credit for that. I think it's impressive. I think it's really, really cool, and I think it was on purpose. Speaking of which,

5. Word of God agrees with me, btw

This is from the Q&A section on page 156 of the Confidential File. The translations below are my own (I think they're straightforward enough, but lmk if you know more than me & I'm actually being stupid in there somewhere. Alt text has the JPN, if you want to copypaste it or something). Someone asked:

Why is it that you established Garland as someone Sarah has a romantic interest in?

The answer is from Daisuke Inoue (director, one of 3; the other 2 are from Team Ninja; he's from Square Enix):

That was because, from a narrative standpoint, we wanted Sarah to be the kind of person who holds onto hope. You can imagine that she saw the "hope" to save the world in Jack, a potential Warrior of Light. Sarah is seen by her people as a symbol of a bright future, but if there were nobody to give her hope, that might destabilize her emotionally. As for whether she felt genuine love for Jack, or just mistook her feelings of admiration towards him for "first love," we'll leave that to your interpretation.

The first time I read this, I thought the question was implying the aforementioned Reciprocal Something, but on closer inspection that doesn't even seem to be true! "思い人" seems to indicate a directional relationship; as in, the question assumes that Jack is an object of affection to Sarah, but assumes nothing about what Jack thinks.

Also, the answer uses the word "初恋" (hatsukoi), which is a very established Concept as far as "first love" goes, but in that one cutscene, Sarah says "初めての恋" (hajimete no koi), which is. Different, but I couldn't tell you how, lol. It's Not The Exact Same Phrase, but I'm not sure whether it's meaningfully different in this context. If I had to guess, I'd say that IF ANYTHING it could be a way of saying "first love" without invoking the cultural CONSTRUCT of First Love (as much)? But it's whatever. The localization holds up. All sources show that Sarah had Feelings about Jack, and all sources CONSPICUOUSLY neglect to mention Jack's feelings about her.

It was on purpose. This is my license to be as annoying as I want for one second here. I am right. All the other writing in this game is notably subtle, efficient, intentional, and skilled, AND ALSO, WHEN do you ever see anyone write such a richly beautiful, mostly-subtextual relationship between two men, which can easily be read as a romantic thing, and NOT explicitly canonize a very possible romantic relationship between at least one of those men and a woman, like not even in an interview or anything. What the fuck, man.

I'm putting away the Respectable Scholar Hat now. This is so funny. The person asking this question didn't EVEN go as far as assuming Jack & Sarah had any kind of Actual Romance going on, & the answer STILL dials it back to "she might have been conflating her feelings about Jack AS A SYMBOL with actual affection, also. We'll let you decide : ) ". This game is everything ever.

[alligatorjesie]

Hey that's alright you can block me as much as you like but it wont change anything man. You said some shit things so I'm going to say some shit things to you.

You know what that's fine we can just repost that whole comment so people can see what a shitass you are @blessyouhawkeye

Hey real quick you do realize that reylo is just a really vanilla ass enemies-to-lovers ship if you have a problem with it well good luck man this shit is literally everywhere in media.

Almost like it's a popular trope. Have you never watched a rom com? Woof. I got some news for you brosph.

but you know what since we're on the tangent of 'weird people' in fandoms let's talk about that for a moment.

You wanna know what's weird? There's a lot of finnreys in the reblogs acting positively feral about their ship not being canon

(which idk I watched TRoS that was pretty open ended if your still mad about reylo by the end of that movie that shits on you)

and upset they don't have book deals like the reylos but IDK man maybe the reason finnreys ain't got book deals is because they spend all their time online bitching about how their ship got shafted instead of writing that fucking fanfiction.

You know when the reylos got shafted with the shit show that was EP9 instead of spending the next 3 years complaining they just trucked along in their own fucking sandbox completing their own fucking projects for their own fucking friends.

Fuck Disney we'll make our own reylo with blackjack and hookers and sex scenes.

You mean to tell us you've had more problems with reylos who were just excited to see the story concepts they predicted from The Force Awakens coming true in The Last Jedi and making positive content to reflect that joy compared to the actual nazis on YouTube who flood the platforms with 3 hour long hate videos over how Bree Larson is somehow personally responsible for their dicks falling off?

You remember that one time ethan van sciver said he wanted to kill Chinese people? He's a really popular star wars/comic book YouTuber and he's way more problematic than anyone I've ever met in the reylo fandom.

And guess what he also hates reylo what a shock!

You wanna talk about some unhinged weird behavior allow me to direct you at a rabid finnrey who has told me graphically to kill myself at least 5 times now for the sin of enjoying the wrong part of star wars according to them.

That shits fucking unhinged

Here's some of those death threats these are 100% real by the way:

Obviously Death Threat Warning some of these are quite gnarly.

This user still has an active account.

I've reported them several times but I sometimes feel like the only thing that will get you banned on this hellsite is being trans I swear to fucking god.

This user has spent over 7 years shit posting hate directly into the reylo fandom's tag instead of doing literally anything else to make their own fandom more enjoyable for themselves.

That's weird shit.

What has been hellish is being in this fandom for over 9 years and dealing with the amount of uncalled for vitriol at this very fucking plain flavor baby's first enemies-to-lovers ship.

I only started keeping track of the death threats back in September 2022

It's not even been a full 2 years and I'm nearing 1000.

This is the header for my Tumblr. This is a real number by the way I have every death threat I've gotten since starting this documented on my computer.

It's actually 955 because thepettycunt here just sent me a new death threat so now I gotta update the banner.

fun!

One day I'll make a master post.

Today is not that day.

But let's be very honest here the real number of death threats I've personally gotten are well into multiple thousands across multiple platforms over 9 years.

Just for enjoying reylo.

And I'm a furry and have been since the 90s. I'm use to being told to kill myself from strangers on the internet so color me confused when I join this really basic bitch of a fandom ship only to find the hate towards it somehow fucking worse.

That's some fucking weird unhinged shit.

I know you made this shit post just to be a shit poster so don't take this too personally I'm sure at this point you already think I'm unhinged and rightfully so

maybe I am

but after the 100th death threat I just stopped giving a fuck so you'll just have to forgive me but it's real buck ass wild to be called 'weird' when I've never sent death threats to people over fictional ships and none of my reylo friends have done that shit either but I am almost 99% sure if you look though the history of any single person who reblogged this post bitching about reylo you'll find they have a history of doing that shit.

You can pick any one. Odds are they have anti reylo posts going years back and at worst some of them have straight up told people in this fandom to kill themselves.

I can look through YOUR history OP and see You're a huge pile of shit towards reylos!

Go on pick one out at random and have a go. It's a fun horrible way to spend a afternoon.

And before anyone brings it up because people who hate reylo always do;

'what about that one time reylos harassed John Boye-'

a group of women telling John Boyega the things he's saying are sexist towards his female coworker who had already been harassed off social media a few years prior and asking him to do better isn't the harassment you think it is.

You can find that 'reaction' video John made to the reylos on google and watch it yourself. No one is being racist but they are all asking him to stop making sex jokes on his female coworkers behalf and expressing disappointment in him. In fact he even had to reused quite a few of the quotes because I think about halfway through making the video he realized he just didn't have that much material and the things people were saying were pretty fucking mild.

And I'm not sorry. Asking a adult man to hold himself accountable for the shit he says is not on the same level as the far fucking worse shit the over arching star wars fandom has done well before reylo was even a twinkle in anyone's eye

Lastly one more thing and I'm done I swear and I'm going to apologize in advance because I'm gonna sound really spicy and I guess I kinda am but not in a mean way more in a really fucking confused way

but what the fuck do you mean jenny nicholsons reylo videos are unhinged?

They're the fucking same as the rest of her videos.

Is there something less unhinged about a nearly 4 hour long video about a failed fantasy RPG theme park over a 1 hour long video about how star wars episode 9 was absolute dogshit?

Jenny makes cringe videos about cringe shit. That's her brand.

She's voiced her enjoyment of reylo very early on... I think back in The Force Awakens days? So why are you surprised she would talk about the subject at length in detail? She bought a stuffed porg larger than herself and documented collecting it on video for her channel.

Yeah man she probably likes reylo.

Most people who like TLJ do.

What... what the fuck do you mean her reylo videos specific are unhinged?

I'm sorry but if known racist and sexist YouTuber doomcock can spend 6 hours complaining about TLJ because Rey don't make his dick hard like Luke Skywalker does and he's going to make his refusal to reflect on that issue our fucking problem I don't think Jenny is unhinged for complaining about the inarguably bad movie that was the rise of skywalker for less time than the movie's total runtime.

I'm not even mad I'm just really confused by your statement.

[yuurivoice]

Just wanted to say that even though I do avoid exploring any tags related to me, I do absolutely recognize and appreciate a ton of you who regularly post awesome art, headcanons, and memes.

A lot of that is thanks to people sharing those fun, awesome things! Reblogs where I end up seeing them on mutuals blogs and stuff helps, so share and gas each other up!

There are people in this community that have been here for years, who have seen this entire corner of the internet shift and grow for better or worse. The OGs who have been around before I ever made this blog know how far the community has come, how much it's stayed the same, and how much it has changed. And I've grown along with it. My aspirations and hopes and creativity has evolved so much from just doing silly little posts as an anime twink to having a full blown web series.

Despite that growth, I am still just a guy trying to tell his stories and make some voices while doing it. I have a small team around me, and without them this would be even more difficult than it already is. We're not corporate, we're independent artists and freelancers and creatives just trying to do cool stuff, and are lucky enough that something worked.

I've failed so much over the course of my life. You see the results of things, and for the most part are incredibly kind and supportive. Thousands upon thousands have appreciated my work in one way or another, and that's a dream come true for me. I never bothered wanting anything more in my life than to share stories with people. I didn't have a bucket list, or many aspirations. I was at a dead end and ready to just give up. That mentality and the time spent going in circles did a lot of damage over time.

But you found me, whether it was 6 years ago or a week ago, and whatever support and vibes you've sent my way have mattered. I won't ever lose sight of that.

I wanted to say that because I know I am not as ingrained into my own community as an active participant and that may make me seem distant, or stuck up, or something. It's not for any sort of disdain or lack of appreciation though, it's just me, and trying to keep my head clear.

You don't get an instruction manual when you're suddenly a niche internet micro celebrity. They don't tell you about scrolling through fan art at 3am and then seeing the nastiest, most mean spirited, bad faith takes about your work you've ever seen. Shit is weird, man. And it's not for me, because I give way too much of a shit about my art, and that's a flaw. My skin has gotten thicker over the years, but what happens on days when your mental health is in the shitter? Weeks where I've been fighting my demons and losing can't afford me the grace to step on a weird internet landmine brought on by the symptoms of being a creative trying and failing and succeeding all at once in a world where everyone on the internet has an opinion they want to shout into the void.

And people can do that! It's my responsibility to look after myself and set those boundaries for my own comfort, not anyone's fault for just doing their thing on the internet, ya know? Once you put yourself out there, you have to accept that people are gonna people. Same irl, shit, I've been a fat kid my whole life, I'm certainly no stranger to people being obscenely rude for no reason other than they like the sound of their own voice.

I just wanted y'all to know that even though we're well beyond the "little internet family" vibes that some creators foster, I'm not up in some ivory tower (ha, said the thing) looking down like a curmudgeon. I am rooting especially hard for all the fellow creatives out there on their own journeys, wanting to share their passion and dreams with the world as well. I want you to win, and succeed, and find fulfillment with whatever drives you to make things.

Guess I was in my feelings a little bit and just wanted to say that I do see many of you and am thankful you've allowed me to play some kind of role in entertaining, comforting, or inspiring you. That means the world to me.

[kafkaoftherubble]

Hello friend!

11, 12, 21, 23 for the ask game :3

A rare moment when I, Lyndis, reblogs an ask game and don't say shit like DON'T ASK ME I HAVE NO TIME TO WRITE A RAMBLE and THIS IS FOR MY MUTUALS TO REBLOG SO I CAN ASK YOU.

12- What do you want to be remembered for when you die?

Honestly, I don't mind not being remembered for anything, since I'm more interested in my actions than other people's memories of me.

I favor people remembering me in occasional snippets, flashes of memories simply because some actions or experiences reminded them of me than everyone trying to make sense of who I was only after I died.

I remember people this way, too; plenty of stuff that happens now will remind me of someone—no matter how distant they were. They could be my friend for those few hours while we were in that children's park, or a stranger I just happened to be staring at as something happened, or a person who had wanted to befriend me but didn't know how to bridge the gap because I was so weird.

I will remember the event(s) that involved them. And then the current me will have new appraisals and understandings of that person in this memory. Many of these random people are still alive (I guess through statistics! Ahahah!), but they are already remembered because their actions meant something—for good or ill, and sometimes, both—to the me of that time.

So I prefer that. I don't want to be remembered as the person I am at the time of death. I want to be remembered as the person I was at a snippet of time because of a deed I've done. Good or bad, it's fine.

---

Wow, I am already writing a loooooong one. BUT YOU EXPECTED THAT, DIDN'T YOU?

MORE UNDER THE CUT.

21- How would you dispose of a body?

Hey, wait a second. What makes you think I will ever need to do this?! I need to read up on the literature, put out a Microsoft Excel sheet on bibliography and citations, and then write a thesis to come up with a good way of disposal. You can't just spring this one on me!

I think I will dismember it and store the parts in vacuum bags separately to throw them away (without the bags because they don't decompose). Feeding it to wildlife at the bottom of a canyon or high in the mountain is great, but I don't have that sort of place nearby.

If I have the money, I will do it the normal way. Funeral homes and cremation.

Hmm... If I live in Scandinavian countries, body disposal might be an easier feat given the vast forests. At least, that's what Nordic noir films and drama say. Also, if I were to live in those countries, I don't think I'd resort to murder to solve my problems, cause' I kinda think violence is the means of the incompetent (and sometimes, the choiceless). Yea, I don't think I'm the type to kill for pleasure.

---

23- Would you rather be burned at the stake but die a saint beloved by all, or die peacefully but have nobody remember you?

Oh! Hmm. Again, since I don't mind not being remembered the way most people conceptualized "being remembered" (see my answer for Q12)... the latter isn't bad at all.

This is particularly because this question didn't preclude the latter from also being helpful and benevolent to the people who live around them or even performing deeds that go a long way toward helping a lotta people. They just don't get burned at a stake. Or be recognized as a saint for their work. Aye, that's not bad at all!

In the case where the sorta things I want to do—or the deeds worth doing—deadass ensures a fate at the stake as a beloved saint, and there's absolutely no way out of this?

Urgh, fine. But I will definitely be complaining. Even my AAHHHHHHHHHHH AHHHHHHHHH FUUUUUUUCKKKK will have tonal inflections so you know I died complaining. I will go out noisily.

It's kinda funny, but I'm now wondering which feels more embarrassing to me. The fact that I'm tied to a stake for this fiery punishment, or the fact that I'm somehow a saint and everyone loves me. Bruh?

I'm telling ya, both make my cheeks burn. The former does that literally once the pyre starts, though.

---

11- When’s the last time you cried?

The last time I cried was Monday night.

Now, you might wonder why. I will tell you because I don't want you to be worried. But there's a reason why this is the last one. I won't be graphic, and it's ultimately—objectively—very ridiculously trivial, but it may be triggering to people with OCD. Which Future Lyns are.

I tried to be Bob the Builder but ended up hurting both of my thumbs because it turned out, I am Blud the Bozo ("Can we fix it? Yes, with BLOOD!"). One of them was a stab wound, and the other was a cut on the print.

I... I have problems with gashes and cuts. Let's just leave it at that.

This wound didn't even bleed; it was just a dermal cut. Anyway, I got it wrapped with a normal plaster.

When it got to the evening, the plaster came off because I was doing the dishes. I heal quickly, so I thought it must have healed. I didn't look very carefully because I can't stand looking at cuts.

While watching a show with my sister and cousin, my thumb suddenly became itchier and itchier. It became painful, but the itch-pain ratio kept changing. I tried to ignore it, and then I couldn't. It became so overwhelming that I was clutching my hand with another as though I was Kakashi Hatake about to do a Chidori.

My sister was like, "BRO, JUST GET IT DRESSED UP, JESUS."

So I told them to continue watching while I went upstairs to my room, where the first-aid bag was.

Then, suddenly, I fell to the floor and started bursting into tears. Legit just sobbing so hard. It wasn't the most painful shit in the world; brutha I have menstrual cramps that can knock me out in public to the diners' horror. This was just itch-pain.

But it's the imageries, yea? That it will be torn open because I would do that. The pain was me tearing it apart! Even though I did no such thing. I pulled my thumb as far away from my other hand because I was afraid that it was true, but it was still itchy and painful and enticing me to rip it, but I didn't want to do that at all, ya know?

I realized that I couldn't even control my body well. It was shaking. My fingers were trembling uncontrollably. The floor was wet with my damn tears. I was just whimpering, man.

Now, the one thing I'm proud of is that my brain has its autonomous zones. The metacognition regions of my brain are fucking ripped, bro. They can operate even when I'm about to black out or close to being compromised (unless I got knocked out by anesthetics). So yea, these regions weren't overwhelmed, so I still remembered what to do. I struggled to get the bag and dropped it instead of putting it down. I did my best to open the zip and pulled out the antiseptic cream tube. Unscrewing it was so hard but finally, I got it!

My fingers were trembling so much, just squeezing a peanut-sized cream was tough. It was hard to aim the cream on my other hand because the target kept moving around uncontrollably. Then spreading it on the gash almost made my hands weak, because I was touching it, and the compulsions...

The last thing to do was to wrap it with a new bandage. Tearing it was easier because my tears had wetted the paper so much. Finally, I got the gash covered.

The itch-pain subsided almost immediately. And the tears just stopped. Control had returned to me like a snap. I wiped my tears and quietly stored the bag. I waited until my throat didn't sound thick with tears and washed my face. I went downstairs and asked, "The fuck did I miss?"

It felt so long. But it was only 10 minutes at most.

Even now, talking about it made my thumb itch a little. Man, the only thing I'm proud of is that I did manage to dress the wound despite all that weird shit over a non-bleeding gash. Nani the fuck?!

THE END! Hope you enjoyed this long read!

P.S. I'm fine now, yea? Don't worry! It's all healed up! See? I can be pathetic too!

[dipplinduo]

Blog Interaction Guidelines

So in the early stages of making this blog, I was once asked about "rules" for interacting, and pretty much responded with something to the effect of "I really don't have much to say outside of please be respectful and know that there's no place for hate/discrimination here". I have never ran a public blog before this and I felt a little weird telling people how they "should" conduct themselves. In fact, I still kinda do feel this way and prefer to deal with potential problems quietly. However, I've decided to revisit this idea now that this blog is nearing 800 followers. These guidelines are more specifically about things that have been happening repeatedly that I honestly just want to set some boundaries about:

- This is a dipplinshipping account, so the content posted/reblogged here has and will continue to be about dipplinshipping and pokemon. No hate to other fandoms or even other ships - I'm just not necessarily going to interact with unrelated content because it's outside of the scope of this blog. (Referencing other medias in asks about dipplinshipping/pokemon is totally fine, though!)

- I do not take headcanon/writing requests for OCs. Again, no hate, this is just not a self ship blog. I do take headcanon submissions related to dipplinshipping (and react/add onto them). I don't mind headcanon requests about the ship either because it's related.

- Please do not spam my inbox with repetitive messages. And by this I quite literally mean verbatim, word-for-word messages. (They're often unrelated to anything, too). I consider this harassment at a point.

- Please do not submit underaged/graphic/horror content, and/or ship content about minors and adults. Yes I've gotten these, yes they're highly inappropriate.

- Everything in this post (TLDR - please don't send "demanding" asks about my writing, e.g., repetitive, insistent questioning regarding updates, not-so-politely worded “requests” to either abandon certain storylines or add something into a storyline, or expressions of high dissatisfaction/disapproval for when I’m choosing to write for something other than Sweet & Sour Dipplins, which is my most popular work.)

- If you don't like a character I like, that's fine. You do not need to interact with me about it. I do not interact with you about what you should like or dislike.

- If you don't like a fic I write, or the direction of my writing, that's fine. You do not need to interact with me about it. I do not interact with you about what you should write or not write.

- Don't call me an excessive amount of pet names on anon (it seems to occur here almost exclusively). I appreciate kind messages, but this kind of behavior comes off a bit creepy in excess considering I don't know who you are.

- The same honestly applies off anon too, and includes comments that are borderline offensive toward me or others when being "playful". I want to interact with you and have fun! But please remember that if you don't know me personally, we are still very much strangers/good acquaintance mutuals, not close friends who are bantering. (You're more than welcome to call me out if I ever cross your boundaries with stuff like that, too; your comfort is equally important to me.)

- In general, I want to keep the anon feature on if possible because I know it helps some people express themselves with more ease. I've had to turn it off at times because people seemed to a little too comfortable with the feature. Right now it's on again; please don't ruin it for others. I don't want to have to do this since I consider it a very last resort, but I might just start blocking users who are being inappropriate on anon if necessary, as I can't identify who you are and have a conversation with you.

- Don't bash other people's ideas or say x is better than what they're saying, or whatever. Creative spaces are not a competition, but an opportunity to share and collaborate? And frankly, I'm very thankful to anyone who sends me ideas or reactions or whatever. I do not want anyone to feel discouraged from sharing. I will delete your comments or asks if you don't have nice things to say about others and their ideas. Be respectful.

- People seem to have the impression that I own servers on discord. I do not own any servers nor am I looking to continuously advertise servers that are not mine. Please go to the appropriate people if you are interested in joining a server.

- I try my best to keep this blog more on the PG side since this audience is more generalized/might have more variety in age. Many of you may follow me because I'm the author of Sweet & Sour Dipplins, where there's a time skip that ages the characters and has a suggested audience of mid to late teens and up (and in general is meant to be more in this YA genre). It's more than okay to send me stuff that references some of the themes depicted in there and in other works I may write for audiences that go beyond a general audience. I often get really funny and iconic asks in this direction, actually. But! Know that because I'm aware of the general audience on here, I might not be able to post and interact with you publicly about it (especially as people who don't read the fic don't have the context). I can interact with you more directly on spaces like AO3 comments! Otherwise, I'll try to message you to let you know you're hilarious. :)

- Regarding fics that are not by me & playlist recommendations: I actually would love to promote them provided it's related to dipplinshipping and they're appropriate! I just might need a little time to be able to sit down and screen through it myself because I want to be conscious of what I'm promoting, is all. So keep sending 'em!

I think this about covers it. If reallllyyyy necessary I might comment on this again? But I'm hoping not to, because at the end of the day I'm really just here to vibe and have a good time and I hope you are too. Please rest assured that if you aren't sure if you've done some of the things I listed here, that means you're probably fine. If you have, it's no biggie so long as the behavior stops (with the exception of the underaged/graphic/horror stuff; those I've just straight up handled so it doesn't apply to anyone as of now).

Thanks for reading, and feel free to let me know if something I listed here is unclear so we can have a better understanding of each other. And as always, thanks for your support and engagement! 💕

Lots of love,

dipplinduo

[screamingcrows]

are you cool with someone continuing your idea?

*deep breath* anon you just asked a question with an incredibly circumstancial answer... Also keep in mind that this is my personal opinion and doesn't reflect any sort of general consensus among fanfic writers always ask the opinion of the writer in question.

I want to preface this by saying that I'm running on the grand total of around 16hrs of sleep since Monday, if my words don't make sense, please just ask for clarification, I probably just confused myself and rambled

There's no TLDR, below cut isn't that long, I promise (´▽`ʃ♡ƪ)

For the longer answer, it really depends anon.

I firmly believe in fandom as being a community effort and being able to share and be excited about something together. With that being said, some of my fics are pretty personal and not something I'd want a stranger to build upon.

If a mutual saw one of my ask box fics, drabbles, posts about an idea, hell even some of my full on fics, and decided to expand upon it? I'd be thrilled. But that's because I often bounce ideas around with a fair few of them anyway and it would feel like a present.

If a stranger decided to do it, I'd appreciate the following;

Either putting it as a reblog of my original post or tagging me in the new post as having provided the post that inspired it I think it's important to acknowledge when we take direct inspiration from what someone else has done, it doesn't take away from the value of your own work in creating it, it's just common courtesy to do. Secondly, if I came up with the idea, then I'd probably love to read it lmao but just couldn't dedicate the time to write it myself, so being able to easily find it would be great. There's obviously a difference between 'taking inspiration from' and 'using the idea/concept' and I obviously don't own any concepts or anything, but yeah. Let's tag each other when we've been inspired by each other, that will hopefully make fandom feel more like a team sport and enhance the fun for everyone.

Not using AI to write it I will point blank block you (and question your judgement in general).

Take a step back and consider if it's an appropriate post to be expanding upon before you write - send me a message if you're in doubt! I feel like it goes without saying that it'd be uncomfortable for a stranger to take a fic featuring my OC and expand upon it. Celeste is very much a self insert based character and I'd just feel weird to have a stranger write her (mutuals who have endured my long ramblings about her; do what you will with her, I trust you guys). A few of my fics (Ceteris Paribus as an example) are also incredibly dear and personal and I would eat your first child - human or fur baby - if you just continued it. But for things like my recent genshin-men-as-animal-courtship post? Go absolutely ham. I'd love to tell you more about the various animals so you can write a fic. And I would love to read it as long as you keep my first point in mind, please tag me and just say that 'this is based on their post'.

If this is about Zandicktober, then my answer is pretty much just to refer to the three points above. I'd appreciate if you didn't write out any of the ideas that I have as of today (1st of November) announced to be writing full fics of, but otherwise, as long as you adhere to points 1 and 2, go ahead.

[doughguts-art]

I JUST REALIZED I HAVEN'T BEEN FOLLOWING YOU THIS WHOLE TIME.... I'M A JOKE OF A MAN...... Okay okay okay not gonna reblog to the last one again cuz I'm not one to make super long threads, I'll just explode your inbox again hahshd,,,,

Alright where do I even begin?? Um, first, did something happen to Bandit to make him resort to doing what he does now, or did he just do it out of boredom? Was it that he needed adventure or needed his life to change? Second, can I hear your imaginary scenarios where Bandit meets the guardians??? Pretty please???? I'm really interested to see how he'd treat them!! Third, you said you had a game concept featuring Just Finch, right? Is the game itself currently in production or do you never plan on actually making it? Cuz if you need. Production help.? I'm always willing to be of service?? Okay there's a really low chance you'd accept a stranger's help on a personal project ESPECIALLY since said stranger is still kinda sorta an amateur at everything ever but I'm already so used to helping everyone around me with anything they're doing at any point in time so I thought it'd be kind of me to offer anyways. Sorry though... Anyway back to the Bandit questions! Fourth, if Bandit encountered a burnt, what's his first gut reaction? Obviously I think he'd most likely pull out his gun, but how does he feel? Is he not at all fazed by these shells of people that have become more hostile than they were before, maybe because it's a usual occurrence? Or is part of him still afraid, either because he's disturbed by the uncanny horror in front of him, or because he's aware that if he's not careful enough (despite all the tickets he has for himself) that could easily be him? I need to know if this guy has fears or not!! Fifth, I can't help but be curious to know if there's any songs you associate with Bandit? If I have the time I'll prolly listen to the songs mentioned too lmao,,, And lastly, my favorite thing to think about when it comes to OFF OCs, does Bandit have a competence list? If so, can I please read it, I love making and looking at fanmade competences for some reason, probably because of how creative the nonsensical titles can get while sticking to a single theme, mixed with the general role of the character in battle matching with their personality. But if I'm the only person here that actually cares about that stuff I totally get it!!! And I don't want you to feel pressured to make a set of competences just for this ask either, if you didn't make one you didn't make one and that's okay. I just thought I'd ask if you happened to have one. I think that's all I have for right now, thank you :D

Thank you for following :D Alright, to the questions!

I think you've hit the first question that I can't answer outright because of Lore secrets I'm saving for askbandit. Partially related to the X story, that's all I'll say

Wuhhhh imaginary guardian scenarios?? They're pretty vague but here's some ideas Dedan - Dedan getting increasingly angrier and angrier as he tries to order Bandit around and fails. I also imagine Dedan being confused on who Bandit is, like "DO YOU EVEN WORK HERE?" and Bandit's just "Shouldn't you know that?" Japhet - Like the sketch, Japhet would flap around Bandit and fret about the X. Bandit would probably keep the bird at arm's length though, he rarely lets people close, and Japhet wouldn't be one of those people lol. Enoch - Enoch would have a special bone to pick with Bandit because of the sugar smuggling. He'd try to squish Bandit Judge? - Bandit loves cats. Judge would get many pets, scritches, and treats Sucre? - Sucre is a sugar dealing client for sure. Queen? - I imagine Bandit sarcastically complimenting the architecture of the Room. I imagine the Queen would be passive, maybe laugh a little at his silly musings. Hugo?? - Kick the baby (LMAO KIDDING, KIDDING). Truthfully, maybe they'd talk about comics or something. Idk the room is a weird place and I don't think Bandit and Hugo would ever purposefully meet

Yes, the game is called Project GoldFinch, and it is in production. I haven't done enough to do another big dev progress post, but here's the announcement post if you want the little info I've provided about it. I appreciate the offer to help, but this is a personal project and I feel more comfortable doing the work myself.

This is actually a question I've gotten on askbandit and haven't answered yet, but Bandit is not intimidated by Burnts. Most Burnts (in my lore) aren't necessarily violent, or burn quick enough to that they don't do that much damage, so Bandit wouldn't pay it any mind. If a Burnt was to attack, he would probably choose to avoid it until it recovers rather than shoot though. Also, Bandit doesn't burn, can't burn*, so he doesn't worry. He has no fear. * this info could only be found on his artfight profile previously. Public info but out-of-the-way.

I really should make a Bandit playlist, but the song I currently associate him with the most is Catch Me If You Can by Set It Off. Obvious reasons for that one. I also listen to the music used for his shop theme in UNKNOWN. Also ALSO, I commissioned a really cool person (hai @amygdalum hope you don't mind the tag) to create a Bandit theme inspired by Synchronicity, so if you wanna listen to that, here ya go! I did the cover art on that one.

And finally, competence list. Funny story, I have never actually thought about making a competence list for him, but when Bandit was still the Final Boss in RISE, he did have one (so credit to Brandy again for this, screenshot ripped straight from the old files). These are thematically relevant to his role in the game more than how he is now, but I gotta say, I really like Reckless Charge. If I were to keep any of these, it would be Reckless Charge. That feels very him. The other ones are badass but I see them fitting Tate better. I don't remember if they were changed for Tate or not, but either way, great attack names all around.

Thanks again for the asks ^^

[transmimir]

⛧☾༺🩸♰🩸༻☽⛧

Gabriel | 21 | He/Him

Queer Autistic Transexual Vampire

⛧☾༺🩸♰🩸༻☽⛧

Selfshipping blog run by @faircailin. I've been in the community since 2018, and I've been doing it without a name for it for many years more.

I have too many F/Os to list, so here are some of my faves and current fixations:

Spouses:

💖Kurt Wagner - X-Men (12 years, my first F/O)

💖Carver - VtM: LA by Night

💖Lae'zel - Baldur's Gate 3

💖Mimir - God of War

💖Týr - God of War: Ragnarök

Newest/Current Fixations:

💖Otto Von Chriek - Discworld

💖Maladict - Discworld

💖Jonathan Teatime - Discworld

⛧☾༺🩸♰🩸༻☽⛧

I co-run a VtM selfship discord with my friend, @/supernaturalinguist. Please DM me if you're interested in joining!

⛧☾༺🩸♰🩸༻☽⛧

BEFORE YOU FOLLOW

This account won't have NSFW on it, but I still would prefer not to interact with minors. I'm an adult, and I prefer to keep to other adults.

I believe in the freedom of expression in fiction and it's something extremely important to me. I don't think what someone writes, draws, etc. in fiction is an immediate or inherent reflection of their personal beliefs in life. Yes, that includes all the Weird, Gross, and Uncomfortable stuff.

I am anti-harrassment. If you see content you don't like, block and move on. Sending vitriol to strangers online based on fiction says much more about you than anyone else.

I have F/Os who are villains, and/or have done reprehensible things. Some of them are or would be abusers, and I do not woobify this or pretend those actions didn't happen.

I have a different self insert for every universe, and I treat them more as OCs than anything (ie the vast majority do not look or act like I do irl). Keep this in mind if you're sending asks related to my F/Os and our relationships. I love talking about my self inserts, so feel free to ask about them!

I'm comfortable sharing all my F/Os, with an exception for Kurt. I'm comfortable with interacting with other shippers via follows/reblogs, but if I'm gushing about him, please don't interact with it/add your own gushing. Thanks!

⛧☾༺🩸♰🩸༻☽⛧

[scoobydoodean]

srs question what is it that these people get out of constantly posting about dean being incompetent or unable to do something despite evidence against the contrary in canon...like it can't possibly all be chalked up to classism right? is it really all about making some cheap 'white trash' joke for a five second laugh? I cannot imagine why this kind of thing has been happening since the show started. this insane dedication to ""humbling"" a character on a TV show by making him out to be dumber than he is by relying on outdated stereotypes. it's so weird! I can only conclude that it is born out of jealousy that dean is a genius who can literally do anything lol

Well to preface my response here: I know there was some sort of recent joke going around that this is probably specifically in reference to. I never saw these jokes. I have no idea who said what or how it was said or if I would find that person's tone/choice of words objectionable. I just heard there was a claim about Dean's competence at a thing and I thought, "Oh! Well I know of a scene where he does that thing they say he can't do" so I giffed it. That's it.

Mocking and belittling Dean and trying to think of things that one believes Dean would find humiliating seems to be a very very common pastime with a certain crowd, so I can certainly attempt to answer this ask in a more general sense.

In an overarching sense, classism or another form of ignorant stereotyping is going to be the social structure that causes these jokes to be thought up and to gain popularity. It's the answer to basic questions like, "Why is this group of people so sure this character would find x humiliating? I don't think they'd feel that way at all."

In a more specific sense, there are quite a few pockets of fans on SPNblr who seem to take great enjoyment in attempting to belittle and embarrass real people, and when you realize that, it makes sense that a fictional character would receive equal or greater negative attention from these pockets of fans.

I have watched certain groups set their sights on a blog or a post they did not like in the past, reblog that post with something condescending, mocking, or otherwise unwanted and unnecessary, and then watched that one reblog ignite into dozens more from their friends who follow their lead. I have seen this happen on several occasions, have heard stories of it happening, and have had certain pockets attempt to do this to me before as well—more than once.

I've seen the behavior these sorts of fans engage in referred to as "hazing" before, which certainly does carry an appropriately negative connotation, but I'm not going to use that word because someone then might interpret their actions as some kind of "rite of passage". I cannot emphasize enough that these people are, for the most part, just a bunch of stupid kids who've only been here for like two years or less and feel important because they had a post that breached containment once or twice and/or think maybe they have more followers than other people on a dying social media website.

These people are bullies who are trying to recreate the dynamics of their middle school, and I wish more people would recognize what they are and stop enabling them. They are not content to simply blog amongst themselves. They feel the need to approach and mock strangers online because it makes them feel important and powerful—perhaps as their influence naturally dwindles. I believe they probably also persist with their toxic tradition because they are afraid of their own "friends" finding something objectionable about them. Making someone else a target distracts them—fictional or real.

[anthroparis]

I'm going to continue this bit because honestly the way people are interacting with me is getting significantly more and more annoying.

thinking about tti occupies like, half an hour of my total day, and I didn't even think about it at all when there were no updates.

this blog represents a very tiny, insignificant part of my life and making judgments based off of how I post here is extremely weird. even making assumptions about me based on my main is weird!

I once had a complete stranger reblog one of my joke posts and literally tag it as "no offense op but I have learned everything I need to know about you as a person" like you guys realize why that mindset is extremely creepy and weird, right?

would you say those kinds of things in a conversation with a classmate? a cashier? a new coworker? a distant relative? no! you wouldn't, because that would come off as extremely invasive and stalker-y!

so when you send this blog weird jokes on anon, I can only assume they're jokes, because again, you might joke around with your friends about being homophobic but I don't with mine. so I can only guess that you're kidding and referencing an internet humor thing I don't understand because I'm an adult and don't really use social media anymore.

and what happens in these parasocial relationships you build with internet personas is that you put someone on a pedestal as this untouchable force, you start believing that you are entitled to their time and kindness when these people don't owe you anything. you crave their attention so badly you start sending them dumbass asks either kissing their ass or trying to provoke them because it makes you feel better about yourself, I guess?

but then when the person in question does something that catches you off guard, or that offends you, or that you just don't like, you feel betrayed and hurt, and you turn to attacking them or vagueing them or whatever it is.

this kind of behavior is what leads to these incredibly uncomfortable situations like what happened with mod courtney.

like when I was around 16 years old on an old personal account, I started receiving some pretty inflammatory comments getting mad about the way I was criticizing a piece of media I didn't like. eventually, over private message, a mutual IN HER 20'S admitted to sending them because she felt personally hurt that I was criticizing something she liked. this grown ass woman, who I had never had a conversation with before, had grown such an attachment to me that she took me not liking one of her interests as a personal attack. I was 16 years old and expected to be responsible for the emotions of an adult woman because I made her feel rejected.

this also goes the other way around btw like I have been idolized by minors and it makes me so uncomfortable. PLEASE be safer online, you have no idea who's going to turn out to be a terrible person.

anyway. just because someone is online does not mean it's okay to act like an asshole? I'm so sick of you freaks thinking it's all fine and good to be dickheads because it's words on a screen. you understand that you're talking to real people, right? they're probably reading your asks while taking a fat dump on their grandma's toilet. they have faces. people faces. and lives outside of the internet. and it's disturbing watching you treat other people like entertainment just because they post sometimes.

there's a certain threshold of time between following someone and becoming friends that you need to learn to be respectful during. it's perfectly okay to mess up sometimes and it's okay to feel upset when someone sets a boundary because of you. rejection sensitivity is hard, but expecting everyone else to cater to you instead of working on your internal reactions to perceived rejection and social slights is manipulative.

also purposefully sending people annoying asks to get a rise out of them really isn't funny. are you my five year old little brother now. are you going to sign off each anon with "problem, officer?" can you just call me fat like the good old days. can we just bring back rickrolling instead.

no tldr you read the post or you don't.

[nightzskii]

I'm not deleting every post uugh

★ EDIT: Finally making a new pinned post ❜

SHORT INTRO; Hello! I'm panda/nightskii who alsp goes by maxwell (max for short.) My age will always be in my bio but my birthday is April 6th. I go by he/him and also they/it but I really don't mind just he/him!!! This blog is centered around art or just me reblogging important or self indulging posts! Yoyo ^_^

LONG INTRO UNDER CUT!

AN INTRODUCTION — @nightzskii

Hello, and welcome to my blog!! ^_^ I'm nightzskii [otherwise known as max/maxwell or panda].

— I use other names like Rock, Nini, Len, Craig, and many others that I'll say you can use! I'm a name hoarder, I love names.

☆; My activity on tumblr isn't much, I don't post and when I do it's not really for this blog.. I gotta get used to posting again..??! I might make a blog for all my ocs and characters and their reference sheets. I'll try to respond to mutuals/friends when I can faster than I would with strangers, but sometimes my ability to do such a thing is nonexistent. It's not on any of you!

☆; I'm Black and Puerto Rican! This is what I know because my mom told me. I CANNOT SPEAK OR UNDERSTAND SPANISH!!!?? I can say a few words [only like. two.] and understand SOME phrases, but I lost my ability to understand Spanish since I'm always around people who speak ENGLISH. I do want to relearn however, but I also want to learn Japanese!

☆; I do have disorders that effect(affect??!?) my daily life and how I perceive and understand things. I struggle with some social clues, but I'm not going to force anyone to use tone-tags, I'll just guess and respond!

☆; YOU MAY BE WONDERING WHY PAST POSTS HAVE SYSTEM STUFF IN IT!!! It's because I AM a systsm. I don't use this blog for system stuff anymore however, and I'll be @'ing most blogs I have that's NOT private! Including my altermate's blogs. I am the main host and have been here for the longest!

☆; YOU CAN USE THEY/IT OR ANY OTHER PRONOUNS BESIDE [SHE/HER] ON ME!! I may be seen using he/him for myself, but I'm not that picky on pronouns. I'm agender, and I do NOT care what term is being used for me, including feminine ones! You can call me any word with fems in mind. I don't care.

☆; Any carrds, rentrys, etc I have will be linked/put inna masterlist that I gotta fix. Thank you for your time on this part! edit; hi we have strawpage now

i also have mt personal strawpage here

MY BOUNDARIES — @nightzskii

* VIOLENT syscourse/[pro] endos/non traumagenic ((Let's not harass or be rude to each other. help.))

★; DNI [CHECK STRAWPAGE FOR UPDATED DNI] [pro] Zoos/[No]Maps, Anti Mogai/lgbtqa+phobic, Racist/Colorist, Sexist/Misogynistic, Ableist/Discrimatory, Kink/Nsfw blogs, * Violent Syscourse/[Pro] endos/non traumagenic, [Pro] Ddlg+varients, HARMFUL TransID/Radqueers + anything in that corner, Pro harassment/Pro Misinformation, Villainization + Romanticizing Disorders, Violently religious, GENUINELY WEIRD stans & Fans, Anti age/pet regression. PLEASE DO NOT INTERACT.

★; If you make jokes you can't make [examples being making a joke about being; a black slave when you're white, r//ped (a) when you weren't, m//lest//d (o, e) when you weren't, anything historical when it's not YOUR history] then please DON'T INTERACT EITHER! I can appreciate a "dark joke" when it's something you can actually joke about.

★; If you use AI to steal/generate/etc peoples actual hard working designs, then don't interact. Stay in your cage

★; IF YOU FEEL UNCOMFORTABLE WITH ME OR FEEL UPSET ABOUT WHATEVER I DID/DO/HAVE DONE/ETC, TELL ME! I don't mind talking about it and I'd rather to not strain any friendships if its something that can be talked about!

FINAL NOTES — @nightzskii

☆; I do have old blogs STILL flying about that was WAY BEFORE I FOUND OUT I WAS A SYSTEM! Some of those blogs were made by myself before i "molded" [fused, but I don't know I should use that word???] with the old OLD host at the time who ALSO ran those blogs. OUR VIEWS FROM IT HAVE CHANGED BY NOW! If you find it and link it back to us, feel free to @ the blogs its so funny looking back.

☆; I will NOT talk much about being a system with other disorders on this blog. that's for a different one!!

— BLOGS I'VE MADE! ❜

@dazyskiie-luv [writing] & @nightzskiiauz [my aus/stories]

@bluestoneau & @horrorrversee [au]

@twisteddescendants & @kufflesdiamond & @huntersscythe [twst]

@stars4-max & @hoardzskii [personal]

@moon-loves-genders [have to fix it!!] & @wat-da-hell-iz [inactive currently] & @dabackroms [inactive currently]

@vampbitesfr & @howlin4uu [monster rp accounts, inactive currently! refixing.]

— SYSTEM BLOGS! ❜

@snowdinne [MAIN SYS SIDE BLOG.]

@haruutalks & @cinooscatcafe

@ventifool & @scarafool

@ecplises-mailman & @devildomduzt (all blogs for now!)

[muddyorbsblr]

ohh hey it's the last day of 2022

first of all, when the fuck did that happen??

There was so much that happened in the last year I could've sworn some of them happened in 2021, but apparently not…? It's honestly so hard to believe that when this year started, I was in a different mindset, a different community, struggling AF to get anything going creatively, and frustrated to the high heavens as a creator because I felt…well, I felt alone.

And that was how it felt for the first 8 months of the year. I felt like I was pushing this impossibly heavy rock up a steep mountain with no hopes of ever actually getting anywhere because I was in a community that gave such elitist vibes that even though I'd been there for 2-3 years, I still felt like an outsider. Surrounded by people who internally held you to this grading scale and only if you reached a certain "score" with them would they think that you're "worthy" of a like and comment.

Honestly there was a time I uploaded a video every day for two months and all I got was silence, and while I never gave a fuck about the numbers, admittedly it would have been nice to even get a "wow i loved this!" from the people who called me "one of their closest friends in the community". Like…you say that the love is there but…I don't feel it? And honestly being 'friends' with people like that felt a lot like this:

And then a shift happened, and I somehow found myself back here on Tumblr looking up Loki fan fiction because I'd just started simping over Tom Hiddleston full force and there's a warm fuzzy feeling I get from reading fanfics that never went away, and reading them again somehow felt like finally coming home.

I gotta admit though, I lurked for a few months. 🤡

Started off just reading stuff and not saying anything, then leading to me leaving likes on masterlists so that I could come back to them and go through them one by one, and I didn't do much besides that for a few weeks. And then I saw a post about how comments and reblogs kept the authors that we love motivated to keep on making stories for us, so I gave my trauma from bad interactions in previous communities a resounding 'fuck you' and began to comment. And then that led to me reviving this blog of mine so that I could reblog those stories to share them with all 40+ of my followers at the time who I knew would get whiplash because I'm not posting about Markiplier anymore.

All those little efforts culminated in me joining in on a thirst train that ended up rekindling my love for creating stories, which led to 'what's today again?' and I gotta be honest, I thought that was all I had in me. But then idea after idea came and I kept on writing stories, and suddenly we're here…a little over three months later, and those 40+ strangers who couldn't care less about what I was posting on this account became nearly a thousand (???) that saw the work I was putting out on the internet and actually enjoying it and telling me that they enjoyed it.

Suddenly I have friends again that I love talking to and that I want to give back the love that I receive from them with everything I've got. Talking with people about things that I love and not feeling like I'm being a burden to them (which is honestly the biggest thing for me 🥹). It's because of all of them that I'm looking forward to seeing what 2023 has in store because I'm surrounded by people who care the same way that I care, and we all get to be weird and thirsty and horny together.

So here's to the people who saved 2022 for me. For turning not only the year but my life as a whole around, for being there to talk to about literally anything, and for creating a place where I felt safe enough to start sharing parts of myself that I'd had locked away for years. Honestly, I never thought I'd be sharing my writing with anyone ever again, but I'm really glad that I had y'all to encourage me and tell me to keep going, and that it definitely wasn't going to be the death of me if I began creating a story about Loki falling in love with Thor's daughter 🤣

Here's to 2023. May it be filled with many laughs, thots, and mangoes.

@lokisgoodgirl @mygfloki @sarahscribbles @give-me-a-moose @mochie85 @fictive-sl0th @gigglingtigger @kikster606 @xorpsbane @mischief2sarawr @wheredafandomat @ijuststareatstuffhereok89 @simplyholl @joyful-enchantress @lokiprompts @cake-writes @holymultiplefandomsbatman @loopsisloops @michelleleewise @vbecker10 @holdmytesseract @thedistractedagglomeration

[ghostbrawl]

sent the 🐯 - nono the thing is i do know you!! youre not a stranger im just... sometimes i get spooked off, from interacting so much. because sometimes i think people just hate me and only keep me around as to not make me upset :( and thats got nothin to do with you, you didnt do anything wrong. its me with my stupid thoughts and shit. i think youre really cool and i love your art and style and you seem so confident and dont give a shit about a lot of things. im intimidated by that

tried to answer this one privately and realized i couldn't because its an anon ask haha .. welp! i still want you to hear my input on this one so it's just going to be no reblog.

i'm going to put my response under the cut though for the sake of people's dashboards and because it's somewhat mushy. continue if you dare, followers - i'll be talking in depth about, like, emotions an shit.

so i sat on this ask for a while and really rolled it around my enclosure a little bit. full disclosure i need to just say for a long time i also felt this way - by that i mean feeling as though [people just hate me and only keep me around as to not make me upset] - for various reasons.

one reason was that i had experienced real world examples of this sort of coddling many times - people online and in real life would often entertain me to my face and talk about me behind my back, mostly until i got too annoying to bear and was openly lashed out at or shunned. most of these incidents occurred when i was 16 or younger, to be fair, but they did make a mark on me.

another reason was just anxiety - if i didn't know exactly what the people around me thought, it would be safe to say those thoughts were bad. it would've verified what i thought about myself- and assuming those people already hated me allowed me to empathize with the versions of my loved ones that i created in my head. i often mourned the fact that they had to deal with me before i even knew whether they were annoyed or not.

these were the two main reasons why i often felt like people hated me, but i'm sure there were more.

i don't have an EXACT read on who you are anon, though i feel like i have an idea (you don't have to tell me, but if you'd like, reach out and send me a dm) - but personally, if we know each other, and i've not yelled at you or blocked you or told you not to talk to me, there's an incredibly decent chance (99%) that i neither hate you nor think you're annoying.

if you're my next door neighbor from two years ago, i take that back. but if you aren't, keep reading!

other than in my deepest darkest worst moments, i've pretty much trained myself out of the kneejerk assumption that my friends and loved ones hate me. i'll try not to sound preachy when i talk about why, but trust me when i say i have a point here in talking about it.

anyway - here's how i stopped doing that.

#1 - i started to model my own understandings of people's attitudes toward others based on my own attitudes.

ok i know that sounds weird or isn't very easy to understand so let me just give an example.

a technique i used a lot was just thinking through how, when, and why i liked or loved my friends. i loved my friends because they have similar interests to me, because of the history we had together, because it was easy to communicate with them, because i loved their minds and ideas, because they enriched my life (even when i didn't talk to them as much), because i was excited to hear from them + learn about their life, because i cared about them and didn't want to see them sick or hurt, because they were fun to hang out with, etc. etc etc.

then, i'd think about how i felt when one of my friends messed up, was irritating, annoying, or made me angry in some way. depending on how egregious the ill was, i reacted anywhere from pretty much none at all (for most irritations or annoyances) - to 'angry in the moment, it fades later' (for high stress situations in which i had no excuses for that friend) - to 'we seriously need to work this out' (for ongoing situations in which i was building up the strength to address).

most of the time, the irritations i encountered fell into the first category. many times i couldn't even be annoyed - i loved those friends so much that it didn't even matter, either in the very second the irritation happened or in the grand scheme of things.

in the few moments that i encountered more grave irritations such as those in the last category, what usually would happen is either that me and the other person sorted out our grievances and both agreed to change our behavior, or we parted ways.... and many of the friends i parted ways with i found wanting their company again and reconnected with them.

in evaluating myself in the context of my friends, though i can never know how, when, or why my friends love me, i know for relative certainty that when i am irritating or annoying to them, it is incidental and fades just as quickly for them as it fades for me. my friends will never be as concerned with my small flaws and ills as i am - it simply doesn't affect them nearly as much as it affects me.

^ this idea is doubly true for acquaintances and people you don't know as well as to say "friends" -- at the acquaintance level people can choose whether to get closer or to drift, factoring in time, interest, hyperfixation, location, their jobs, etc.

but this first technique only worked when i had the self-esteem to internalize the fact that other people's inner worlds were both just as complex as mine (holding complex feelings about oneself and each other) and just as simple as mine (annoyed or not? and for how long? etc)!

so another thing that really helped me was

#2 - faking confidence until i could build it properly.

i know everyone says this shit and it seems so ineffectual when it feels much more grounded and real to be cynical, to be anxious and upset with oneself.

and in many senses, it IS ineffectual - immediately. faking confidence is something that only works over years of doing it, and in faking your confidence you must also identify very real parts of yourself to be Actual Confident(tm) about and work toward feeling that way for real.

faking confidence is the sandbox where i, personally, found actual things to be proud of myself for within. when i faked confidence in my voice, way of thinking, my art, and my personality, i eventually found actual things to like in each of those aspects of myself based on how people reacted to that "front" of confidence i put up about those aspects of myself.

for a while i faced an awkward phase where my faked confidence was so intense that it manifested as arrogance and aggression toward others -- avoid this if you can . facepalm emoji.

but in presenting myself as somebody who was equal (or even greater) than other people in social situations i was in, other people pointed out things to be praised about me.

at first i'd be skeptical, but i'd keep it in the back of my mind. but over time, i'd see over and over the success of those parts of myself in social situations, artistic circles, athletic contexts, etc, and start to think "maybe i am good at [x]" or "maybe [personality trait] about me is helpful and cool", and on and on and on.

confidence and self-like is a process that builds on itself and gets easier over time. the second i began to question whether traits i had were really harmful or bad, the more i started to see reinforcing evidence of the contrary; of them being productive, healthy, interesting, worth having rather than destroying.

and the further you progress in this avenue, the easier it is to #not give a shit about things - or to respond less to attacks on the psyche or personality.

and when i reinforced + gained a respect for the parts of myself i once hated, it became easier to believe that others could admire me as much i admired them - that others could brush off my shortcomings as easily as i brushed off theirs.

recently, i hate to admit, i've had to start this process of loving myself all over again as i've started to experience a major personality shift brought on by gaining different + new responsibilities in my life. i respond differently to new circumstances so many times that i'm becoming somebody different - somebody i'm not yet prepared to love. somebody that i'm much more inclined to loathe, because i've seen the effects of my new personality traits on myself and others; not in observing my own actions, but in observing the actions of people in my life with the same personality traits such as my family.

so for now my confidence in a lot of situations is much shakier than it used to be - but the foundations i created back when are still there. when i don't believe in myself or punch down on myself i can keep it relatively contained internally and not project it onto others - or if i can't avoid projecting it, i at least understand on some level that i'm being unreasonable... and i can still keep that outward confident look pretty seamlessly while working out new insecurities from within.

trust me - i give a lot of shits, and so does every other confident person you know. we just keep it to ourselves - not to say that keeping it to oneself is inherently better, but it just helps to keep oneself from spiraling into deeper and deeper self hatred. keeping that hate on the down-low keeps it from gaining significant power.

in terms of being intimidated by other confident people....

i have nothing really to say about that. i think it's something that both affirms and worries the confident person in question - to be intimidating is to be slick and cool and impenetrable. but to be intimidating is also to be impenetrable (/neg) - impossible to see the inner life of through that glare of coolness or confidence. i guess its a double edged sword, i dunno.

but i think it gets easier to see even the intimidatingly cool as dorky, regular people when you recognize that pretty much everyone has or had crappy self image at one point. people are less intimidating when you allow the idea that they too, are people who fuck up, who go through things, who break down, who hate themselves, and who are just trying their best to seem like somebody lovable and worthwhile. and do that in order to CHASE interactions with others - and that wanting those interactions doesn't reflect badly on you or them.

but idk. i get it if u don't wanna read all that.

TLDR: ur thoughts aren't stupid and we've all been there. and i'm just some tumblr user on the internet it's really not so serious or scary. i post incessantly about robot sex and wizards instead of getting groceries. and everyone is just as stupid and dorky as the worst person you know and that's totally fine.