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anonil88 · 6 months ago

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Epidode 7 was probably my favorite episode of Under the Bridge. Felt like we finally got to the thick center of this chowder before I start to skim the fat.

The fat: I get the sympathy "look at how these two characters relate and reflect" angle but the writers have shoved so many different dates and non irl instances into the same day it feels like time isn't passing the way it was before. Certain scenes i felt like someone was yelling out "okay and then next." Those and the odd likely time constraint fictional case changes aside i did enjoy a lot about this episode.

The stock; Its hard challenging your sense of justice in our society when you're not used to it and that is possibly easier when real life people are made fictional characters or more increasingly divorced from their real counterparts. It is difficult to rewire a brain that has already been wired via religion or socialization for crime = all good all bad human. But, thank God life is not so simple there's a lot of gray. As we the viewers reach closer and closer to the finale and trial more has been changed from the real reena virk case. Writers made certain changes in the beginning that now when any of the kids on trial say "we didn't know anything about her" it asks the viewer to think back to the first 4 episodes**. Does anyone here really know who Reena is? They know she was murdered, they are finding out how, but what about this girl. She is a vehicle for their ambitions, guilt, and anger but beyond that who really has found out about Reena or hell any of these kids. Cam? Us the audience? Rebecca? Very clearly not Rebecca (character) even though she has so much in common with Reena as well as Warren. But, she can identify herself with the boy because of their mistakes and race. Becca cannot see why Cam doesn't relate to Warren* despite their similarities because she doesn't understand why Cam doesn't sympathize with her.

That quote about Reena being seen as an animal and weaker than Warren sits in my head a little. Based on another tumblr users post this may have actually been said in court not to Rebecca directly, which was a good change for tv imo. But, it made me think of Warren in his drunken angry state went to his "primal human urge" to hurt something weaker or ignore rather than help. As did every other kid who was a bystander that night but they aren't seen as animals in the same way Reena was up until people saw she was in fact dead. Even now in death she is dehumanized and animalized on the internet because of one bad school picture day. A day we all have tried and failed to get the perfect photo. Still, the most animalistic rabid like behavior is coddled because of privilege. One thing the writers have not held back on us how much they personally do not like Kelly Ellard and offer her 0 remorse that she was given as a child. I dont feel bad for character or real life Kelly but I firmly believe she was failed because of her privilege long before she killed Reena Virk.

One thing i loved about this episode is that I felt Rebecca Godfrey (the writer) all over this episode and in Riley's portrayl. Especially when the character says "I will make sure they know your heart." I think that's what she set out to do with her book and by extension allowing this show, she wanted people to know who these humans are at their very human center. Complicit and redeemable? Complicit and capable? And she felt bad about what tragically happened. I hope wherever she is, if she believed in that sort of thing, that she is proud of her story.

* I think and that moment of his verdict in court shows Cam does care about Warren, Rebecca, and extension all of these kids. This is her home, no matter how small these writers have shrunk its vastness. She sees these kids as versions of her, Gabe, and Rebecca but she is a cop and she does have some standard to uphold. Even though her career and who it represents, her dad & brother her family, is starting to show themselves to be harder to stick by. Similar to Josephine and that false sense of family with CMC disintegrating. Will Cam even go ahead to Vancouver for her job by the end of this?

** Which is quite different from the real life accounts where genuinely it seems those kids and the main group imvolved did not know Reena outside from her extreme antics, the lesser teen cruelty one, and her face.

#under the bridge #under the bridge hulu #under the bridge thoughts #rebecca godfrey utb #cam bentland #utb hulu #lily gladstone #riley keough

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sleepyjim · 2 years ago

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🎉 leo/clancy/clovis ★ xe/him + sol/sols pronouns 🎉

link to my pronouns.page ★ link to my last.fm ★ link to my art blog! (@sleepyjimart)

★ minor , system , autistic + schizospec , kts/cloves syndrome , pots. ★ intersex transfemasc + aro + objectum :3 ★ please tag flashing, eyestrain, loud noises in videos/etc, irl animal harm/death , and unreality ! 💛 ★ terfs/radfems/bigots/exclus and ed/ana blogs get off my page !! south park, dream, hp/jkr fans dni 🙏

stuff i like:

★ twenty one pilots , mcr , daft punk , fob , phoenix , owl city + other projects by adam young , coldplay , aberdeen is dead + mudd puppies ★ pjo + spinoffs , danny phantom , spiderverse , coraline , dragonvale ★ spongebob + sbsp broadway , garfield , sanrio , snoopy/peanuts , wild kratts + zoboomafoo + kratts' creatures , odd squad , kities and oupys :3 ★ computers/tech , plushies , roller coasters + theme parks in general , kandi

i tag triggering content as #tw [subject] . if you need anything tagged just send me an ask or a dm ! 💛 :3

i also tag most fandoms and people/etc involved in posts for organization and blacklisting ^_^

if i like your art without reblogging, it's likely in my queue somewhere!! :3

other tags and info :

★ #text - original posts, signed off sometimes as #[alter name/initial] (pronouns) ★ #my art - art tag :3 ★ #my moodboards - moodboard tag :3 ★ #hunter tag , #chester tag , #pluto tag - pupy images, and other posts that remind me of my dogs!! all basset hound rescues :3 i love them so muchg (pluto tag is only older photos though :( ★ #me and the gf - posts that remind me of my girlfriend max and i :3 ! as well as posts to show her later💛💛 ★ #sam tag , #hector tag , etc - posts to show irl friends ★ #jason rambles - frantic liveblogging when im in Anxious Situations or when i just need to get stuff out of my head (for blacklisting) (sometimes i forget about this tag tho sorry) ★ #vent post - also for blacklisting ★ #q - queued posts ★ #sleepyposting - posts about eepiness that i relate to on account of i am just an eepy guy

★ #ask - talk to me talk tome talk to me talk t ★ #leo reveal - leo leonidas real irl ⁉️ only like .a couple posts on here bc idk how to take selfies 💔

ty for checking out my blog yayy :3

please feel free to send me music recs btw! my favorite kinds of music at the moment are electronic pop as well as ambient , post-rock , scores , etc :D

#pinned post #text #my art #my moodboards #hunter tag #chester tag #pluto tag #me and the gf #sleepyposting #ask #anon #leo reveal #lyrics in my blog title and bio are from therapy by all time low :3

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gemsofthegalaxy · 8 months ago

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this is just my own personal reaction to the post i reblogged earlier about how it's acceptable to sub-post but not to dom-post

i definitely HAVE seen textposts from the perspective of both doms and subs, clearly fantasy fiction but both have the capacity to squick me, personally, not just dom-leaning ones.

For example, if i see a sub saying "i want someone to drug me up and use me however they want" im like whoa lol... okay... cannot relate but the post is Not About Me, i just scroll past. (i have nearly verbatim seen this post)

if i see a dom saying "you're gonna drink what i tell you to drink and then i'm gonna use you" i'm going to have basically the same reaction. because drug-related scenes are Not My Thing, I am not against it conceptually (i do think this type of play needs to be treated seriously with safeguards in place when done irl) but seeing as I have 0 interest in, it's not something i'm into, I am sort of like "oh god" and then scroll past.

And maybe it's because i've only gotten one foot in the door with BDSM anyway, i'm not involved deeply in the community here on tumblr, the history of BDSM is vast and hard to track, and the scene in real life around me isn't super strong. I've, in my short time, received tons of mixed messages from people in different areas of the community honestly.

i find it hard to make any sort of judgments on what "the BDSM community" contends with at large, because it's filled with tons of basically anonymous voices saying things, some of which directly contradict each other. ever since i started trying to educate myself more this is my experience.

so on that.... i just think maybe the social acceptability of saying "subby" things is still not that high? i've definitely seen folks on tumblr claim that people making certain sub fantasy posts are feeding into what is essentially rape apologism because they give people the wrong idea about consent. it might be relatively socially acceptable to say "step on me mommy" in a memey way in the mainstream, but i've seen tons of people criticisming others for doing this and saying they need to cut that shit out- and for what it's worth, putting something like that Unsolicited on someone else's photo is Not a cool thing to do generally. only with permission should people be making those sort of comments.

it might be relatively socially acceptable in certain circles on tumblr to say things like "i just want someone to drug me up and use me" but i'm also sure if this broke containment people would be put off. Doms should be able to express their desires in just as theoretical way, I believe people when they say at the very least that there are LESS posts of that nature from dominant people.

but I also, lastly, at the same time, don't think it's that strange for some Doms to have guilt or weird feelings around their desire to "hurt" their loved ones or individuals they care about even when they both want it. it IS an interesting, perhaps 'odd' impulse from either side of things- to want to mesh pleasure and pain. maybe on average more subs have dealt with that and reconciled it. I, as a bottom but not quite true 'submissive', personally sure the fuck haven't. As a recovering catholic, I feel guilty about any and all desires half the time, 'odd' or not.

i don't think Doms should sit or wallow in that guilt, ideally, I think, they'd work on aftercare (or beforecare, during care, etc) with their play partner(s) to help come to terms with the fact their desires are not inherently bad. but nobody, sub, Dom, etc. can just instantly absolve themselves of that. surely, with a community of people around you, it may come easier or faster, but I think ultimately most of us will have to continuously reconcile with the guilt and shame tied up in any and all side of the sexual equation.

#long post

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5ft2sunflower · 2 years ago

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How Does A Beauty Influencer Suddenly Go Broke?

TORI CROWTHER

LAST UPDATED DECEMBER 15, 2022, 10:48 AM

You might know Annie Thomson (aka @a_day_in_the_life_of_annie on Instagram) for her fun and relatable beauty videos. Whether you're keen to see how that viral hair product performs IRL or sniffing out holiday gift recommendations for makeup people, you'll find it all on Thompson's page. What you might not expect to see, though, is a candid Instagram carousel about how she spent £7,000 (over $8,600) of her savings in a year, all to maintain her beauty blogging platform.

It came to a head, wrote Thompson on Instagram, when she realized just how much she had spent. "Fifty pounds [$60] here and one-hundred pounds [$120] there might not seem a lot to some," said Thompson, but it soon added up. "If a brand brought out six new lipsticks, I couldn't just be your normal consumer and choose one or two." She had to have them all. "I would take a photo for Instagram and then throw the products in my makeup [bag] — as they were old news."

For a handful of relatable micro beauty influencers like Thompson, posting on Instagram started in the pandemic. "Back in 2020, when I created my Instagram account, everyone was at home," Thompson told R29. Luckily, Thompson wasn't financially impacted by various lockdowns and found herself with some extra cash. "When you’re bored, you tend to shop online," she said. The odd product bought to review on her social platform soon propelled a small hobby into a full-blown compulsion.

It's no secret that the beauty industry thrives on consumption. A new skin-care brand, 'must-have' makeup product or buzzy beauty trend is conceived almost daily and beauty bloggers are at the center of it all, expected to bring us up to date. That's why Thompson isn't alone in spending her savings on beauty products to keep up appearances on social media.

You only have to scroll through Instagram or TikTok to realize that there's an epidemic of beauty content creators who have landed themselves in potentially dangerous money situations, including dipping into or blowing their savings and even encountering debt, while trying to make it big. "When you go broke trying to be an influencer," @christianchanel captioned a viral TikTok video with thousands of views and a handful of comments in solidarity. Similarly, TikToker @char_nella47 reports seeing popular influencers "drown in debt" to look expensive.

Some do make it big: Creators, formerly "influencers," we know and love (like Mikayla Nogueira, Abby Roberts and Amelia Olivia, for example) have millions of fans and followers, while others have exciting brand partnerships and lucrative deals. It's no wonder that plenty are keen to turn their beauty obsession into a business. Now, more than ever, the lines between regular consumer and micro blogger are blurred. Anyone can become an influencer with the right resources. In fact, it has been reported that TikTok users are 2.4 times more likely than other social media platform users to create a post and tag the brand after buying a product. But working your way towards the dream job can quickly become a burden.

"I have dipped into savings and even overspent on beauty items when I didn't have a steady monthly income," says beauty blogger Masha Solechnik, @beautefocus on Instagram. "It was a nightmare," adds Solechnik. "I would be very anxious about it, but I felt a real compulsive urge to buy things that I knew would make my Instagram more popular."

"I would be very anxious about it, but I felt a real compulsive urge to buy things that I knew would make my Instagram more popular." Masha Solechnik, @beautefocus

Likewise, Thompson admitted that she would needlessly buy products to gain a feeling of acceptance online. After all, getting likes, followers and engagement is rewarding. The attention that Thompson received after buying and reviewing eyeshadow palettes, lipsticks, and skin-care products gave her all the more reason to continue to create content.

The thing is, big-name beauty influencers are often gifted products from brands who want to be featured on their social channels. They are given a helping hand. It's different for many micro influencers or those wishing to establish themselves. They have to buy their own. And beauty doesn't come cheap. In the past year as costs have risen, brands such as Glossier, The Inkey List and The Ordinary have all announced price increases. Beauty products are the most expensive they've been since 2016, according to a recent report.

A former beauty blogger we spoke to who wishes to remain anonymous said that most beauty influencers she rubbed shoulders with at launch events and parties grew up with money and had the funds to spend on products to fulfill their beauty careers. For those who don't have the ready cash, beauty influencing can be a dangerous game, especially if you aren't sent free samples.

Perhaps the algorithm has a lot to answer for. Solechnik explains that beauty lovers in particular tend to feel a lot of pressure to buy 'buzzy' new products that trend well on Instagram and TikTok to prove that they are in the know. "If you want your blog to grow, you have to get popular products or the newest launches. It's encouraged, simply by how the algorithm favors this type of content," she explains. Sure enough, a quick scroll will serve up all manner of trending products, like Charlotte Tilbury Hollywood Glow Flawless Filter (30 million views on TikTok), Caudalie Detox Mask (32.2 million views) and Dior Backstage Rosy Glow Blush (37 million views).

It isn't just bloggers or content creators. We're all splurging. Bloomberg reports that TikTok shopping is expected to see an increase in spending on the platform, forecasted to go from $2 billion in 2022 to a staggering $23 billion in 2023. But while we may play with products in the comfort of our own homes, content creators are expected to share their opinions. And with social media built to keep you scrolling, it's no wonder beauty enthusiasts find it difficult to distinguish between a hobby and forced pressure.

It goes deeper than what's trending, as social media can hugely impact how we evaluate ourselves, explained Robert Common, psychologist and CEO of Beekeeper House. "By its very nature," says Common, "social media is set up to encourage consumerism and a materialistic mindset." Certainly, Thompson felt that social media persuaded her that she needed to own particular things. "I was constantly buying what was popular on the 'gram and I started to gain 1,000 followers, then 2,000." Thompson said she assumed that if she had the latest products, she would continue to grow her following. This was the false confirmation she needed to keep spending.

"People receive the message that the next purchase — whether it be a new beauty product or a new item of clothing — will bring them fulfillment," Common adds. "Of course, it never does." Thompson had numerous packages arriving weekly from expensive brands that she once saw as a treat, she told R29. Previously, such purchases would have made her happy. But the more she spent, the worse the feeling in her stomach: "The only thing I could do was bury my head in the sand and carry on buying more because I had to keep up."

Counseling psychologist Dr. Rina Bajaj agrees that the premise of social media is social connection. "This can set up the human need to want to be validated, liked, and from an evolutionary perspective, to be part of the 'in group'," says Dr. Bajaj. For beauty bloggers, the 'in group' is an online community whose core mindset is 'more is more.' First of all, this is detrimental to the environment, as consumerism encourages serious waste. According to Zero Waste, more than 120 billion units of cosmetics packaging were produced globally in 2018 alone. But it's also burning a hole in people's pockets.

For many like Thompson and Solechnik, what started out as an enjoyable hobby soon became a money pit. "The more likes you get, the more gratification you receive," Thompson explains. But the cycle of spending and posting ended up putting immense pressure on her bank account, not to mention her mental health.

This is where things can escalate, say psychologists. "It can be difficult to draw the line between a hobby we enjoy investing our time and other resources in and an activity that becomes a habit or an addiction," explains Common. "When addiction is involved, there's a cycle of shame and guilt that follows, so using excuses as to why you need to spend can be a way of avoiding those feelings."

Unfortunately for many small influencers in the beauty industry, addiction has long been passed off as enthusiast behavior and even encouraged. "Constantly changing trends can keep people hooked on wanting to stay relevant," says Dr. Bajaj, "as well as unconsciously [finding] ways to feel in control or better about themselves." Dr. Bajaj explains that it's easier to be in denial about the toll that overspending on beauty might have, and reports that a lot of influencers might think: "'I'm not hurting anyone' or 'Once my Instagram takes off I'll make the money back' or 'It's an investment'."

The rise of buy now, pay later schemes isn't helping micro influencers, either. Thompson said this was a huge part of the problem when she found herself spending a significant sum of her savings on beauty products to maintain her online presence. "It didn't seem so much of a problem because I wouldn't see a great big £500 [$612] come off my card," she explains. Thompson would use varied forms of payments to make purchases appear smaller, "then £100 [$122] on PayPal credit, £100 [$122] on my [debit] card and £100 [$122] on my credit card."

The experts agree. Buy now, pay later schemes are useful because they allow people to join programs or make purchases that ordinarily would be out of reach. However, there's a significant psychological downside, said Catherine Morgan, a trauma-informed, certified financial coach. "It postpones the pain to a later date," explained Morgan. This then creates patterns of behavior where it's easy to overspend.

Though many aren't so lucky, Thompson was able to curb her spending. The first step was recognizing that there was a problem. "I got all my skincare and makeup out and looked through it all. Quite honestly, I felt sick. There was so much, and one person cannot physically use all of it." Thompson is trying not to buy beyond her means. "Those extra few likes you might get on a picture genuinely equate to nothing in real life but a hole in your bank balance that you've then got to work harder to pay back." Solechnik said she eventually had to go cold turkey and finally accept the impact that her spending on beauty products really had on her savings.

Instagram beauty blogger Jessica Wallace embraces real skin texture, skin care, and self love. She has grown a following since cutting back on spending. "I definitely approach my Instagram differently now," Wallace told R29, "and I know I don't need the latest products to fit in." Wallace always makes use of the products she already has or waits until they are empty before she goes ahead and buys more. Considering the repercussions of cosmetics waste on the environment, not to mention the mental impact of staying informed on all things shiny and new in beauty, influencers across the board could consider this approach.

Finally, it's imperative to remember that social media is a highly-curated universe and that overconsumption doesn't equal success. "I feel like a toxic trait of Instagram is this immense pressure it can give people viewing these 'perfect lives' — that you need the latest product to make your life better," says Thompson. She believes it's important to follow those you trust to give you a real, unfiltered opinion. And whether you're an influencer or consider yourself a beauty enthusiast, Wallace has the last word: "No beauty product is ever worth getting yourself in debt for."

This story was originally published on Refinery29UK.

#instagram #interesting #beauty

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basilly · 4 years ago

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basil’s q&a !

just wanted to make a small q&a posts because i know some ppl are afraid of reaching out or if they are crossing boundaries!

. what pronouns do you use? sexuality? gender?

she/her or even they/them! either one, I don’t have a preference. i am a cis hetero but i do try to educate myself as much as possible and do not tolerate homophobia

i am a female! you are totally welcome to use any words that seem feminine like pretty, beautiful, etc.

I am also completely okay with “guys, boys, dude, bro”

. favorite mcyts?

def wilbur + tommy, ranboo, quackity, karl, and tubbo

. can i jokingly insult you?

yes you can! i don’t take things to heart easily, so if you throw a joking insult at me i won’t get upset

. do you use tone indicators?

i am new to tone indicators, but i am trying to implement them in anyway i can

. what are you uncomfortable with?

i am uncomfortable w/ smut (i am a minor), gore, ppl throwing up, horror-related things, bugs, but that is about it

also you can ask for interests but not anything location related or age! I will say i am in PST time zone though <3

I do not have any intense triggers, maybe like blood and gore thats it

. can minors follow your blog?

yes! everything is safe for work (sfw) here and I am a minor myself, just dni if you are homophobic, racist, etc.

. will you do a face or name reveal?

im a technoblade faceless! ive shown it before but rarely :3

. is lowercase intended?

yes! i just like the look of lowercase :]

. why are some reblogs at night for you?

i try to schedule reblog things as i sleep so you guys still get good content while im gone! so psa moots if u see me reblog way after i like smth thats why :)

. do you swear/cuss?

i dont! this isnt cuz of religion, it’s because i kind of just grew up as the goody two shoes and i don’t really find a need to? i hope that makes sense so my fics wont have cussing, unless its shortened like “wtf”

If I feel the need to add cuss words into my fics i will

. do you write romantically for minors?

i dont- even though i am a minor, i find it odd to write about them romantically and then have that content out for adults or non minors to romanticize them

. isnt it a little weird to write irl?

I see it as through their on stream personas and count that as “irl”, it is like writing for a tv character, it is not truly them as we dont know their true personality. So again it is like a character, and makes it less weird to me.

. if i want to start my own blog, what are some tips?

i have a whole post dedicated to that! linked here!

. can i come to your dms to talk?

pls refrain everyday convo to asks, my dms are only open for questions and concerns

this is because im just super busy and my dms r very glitched

. is fanart okay?

absolutely!! please i will cherish each one and protect it with my life

if you need reference photos, please ask! ill be happy to send picrews or details

. more to add if it comes up!

#basilly's about #q&a #/p

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illfoandillfie · 5 years ago

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DMs

Pairing: Ben Hardy x F!Reader

Summery: You run a nsfw snapchat account. Ben's horny.

Warnings: SMUT (18+), partially written as chat text, video chat sex, masturbation, fingering, sex toys, nipple play, voyeurism I guess, fuckboy ben

Words: 3774

A/N: Inspired by something El posted. I love Ben but he’s got them fuckboy/lad vibes and im positive he’d get down on some sc porn

Taglist: @laedymoon @dtfrogertaylor @ezmina98 @vee-ndetta @atomic-watermelon @kellypenac @labessieisallama @deakyclicks @jennyggggrrr @drowseoftaylor @hannafuckingsucks @i-cant-hangout-im-drumming @queenmylovely

@veriloquently

Your phone buzzed, the familiar noise distracting you from your book. Considering you’d just posted a new photo, partially hidden by emojis, to Instagram and updated your snapchat story with the uncensored version, it was hardly surprising you were getting messages.

YourNewDaddy: Mmm baby let me pound you

You clicked through to his profile. Absolutely nothing. The profile picture was some abs that could belong to anyone. No recent snaps, nothing. For a few seconds you considered replying with your payment details but decided against it. He wasn’t worth your time.

The whole NSFW account thing had started a while ago on Tumblr and then Instagram. A way to kill time and get some attention that you weren’t receiving in the real world. But then the porn ban had happened which severely limited what you could post, so you’d mostly moved to Snapchat, using everything else to advertise. A few months after the move you started getting guys offering to pay you to do specific things. One had wanted an audio recording of you calling him Daddy and begging for his cock with a few moans thrown in. Another had wanted a video of you and a dildo, though he’d had to pay more. Since then you’d used your accounts to pick up a bit of extra cash here and there. Nowhere near enough to live off of, but it came in handy.

You clicked back out of the app, put down your phone and went back to your book, hoping someone entertaining would at least comment on the photo soon. Barely half a page later another ding pulled you away. This time Instagram.

Benhardy: Just came over you

Quick and to the point. Fuckboy energy. You clicked onto his profile half expecting another faceless timewaster. No description or links to other sites but he had a profile picture. And some fifty odd photos. Not many posts considering his million followers but at least you knew he was a real person. You scrolled through his feed trying to put gather what info you could before you responded. Lots of photos of himself sometimes with friends. A few that were clearly modelling jobs or, more likely considering the movie trailers and saved story called Oscars 2019, promotional photoshoots for magazines. And he was a proud dog dad. Definitely attractive. You wondered briefly why someone so handsome was getting off to half dressed girls on Instagram but put it out of your mind as you opened his conversation up again. Who cared why as long as he was talking to you? After all, he was hot and willingly giving you attention. Plus, if he was an actor or whatever he probably wouldn’t mind paying for something special, once you’d given him a taste. The only question left was how to approach the conversation.

You: Really? That’s so flattering!

You: Kind of wish you’d cum over me for real tho, bit bored

Benhardy: dirty girl

Benhardy: could probably think of some way to keep you busy

Benhardy: you’re fit

You: haha aww thank you! I post more often on snap if you wanna follow. don’t have to hide behind swimwear and emojis there. easier to chat too, unless you prefer kik or something

He didn’t reply. You frowned at your phone wondering if you’d shown your hand too soon. Perhaps you should have kept up the flattered damsel act a little longer, waited before mentioning Snapchat. Maybe he wasn’t looking for a chat, just genuinely wanted to compliment you, even if it was in a gross slightly derogatory way. Or maybe he just got cold feet. You sighed as you swiped back to check what other people had been sending you. A few more ignorable accounts, a couple messages you didn’t like enough to respond to straight away. And then another Snapchat notification.

Ben Jones: had to create an account but I’m here

You: oh! you’ve changed your name

Ben Jones: Hardy’s the stage name lol

You: hmmm hardy… little bit of a pornstar name

You: or could be if you changed the ben part.

Ben Jones: that’s my backup plan in case actual acting doesn’t work out lol

Ben Jones: not too out of place right now tho

You: haha that because of me?

Ben Jones: maybe. loved the photos in your story you’ve got great tits

Ben Jones: kinda wanna see you pinch and pull on them

And so it began. You leaned forward to pull your shirt off and then settled back against the pillows, running your fingers around your nipple until it was hard. Angling the camera towards your chest you pinched your nipple between your thumb and forefinger, rolling it between them. The camera clicked as you took a photo and then clicked again as you tugged your nipple away from your body, hissing a little at the pain.

You: Like this?

Ben Jones: perfect

Ben Jones: really are lovely tits.

You: surprisingly don’t hear that much irl so ty

Ben Jones: u don’t? criminal

You: lmao yeah but that’s what I have you for

Ben Jones: happy to help

Ben Jones: What are you wearing?

You: Just a pair of knickers now

Ben Jones: sexy

Ben Jones: can I see?

You: just the knickers or the whole look?

Ben Jones: whole look first

Ben Jones: then just the knickers so I can see the wet spot you’re making

You wriggled against the pillows, shuffling further down the bed. Long ago you’d learnt which angles were the easiest to take photos in and which were the best to show off your body. A full body shot was easiest when you leaned your phone up against a stack of books or something at the foot of the bed and used the timer on the camera to get a few shots of you kneeling. It left your hands fee to squeeze your tits if that seemed appropriate or slip into your underwear, or to put behind your back in a pose that seemed innocent but actually pushed your hips and chest forward. For Ben though you felt something that appeared a little more casual would be appropriate. You lay back, head raised slightly on your pillows, feel flat against the mattress so your knees were in the air and pressed together. Carefully you positioned the camera, wrist twisted a little to get the angle just right. You brought your free hand up to your breasts, pulling your nipple again since Ben seemed to like it, and snapped a photo. The shot of your underwear was easier, legs spread, pushing your hips up slightly to get a clear shot of the wet patch that had been slowly growing since the start of the conversation, though a little added saliva to make it more obvious didn’t hurt. He wouldn’t be able to tell.

Ben Jones: hot

Ben Jones: like got me so hard again hot

You: does that mean I get a picture in return?

Ben Jones: Only if you take your knickers off for me

Ben Jones: wouldn’t be fair otherwise since im not wearing underwear😉

You took your time sending him a new photo and got one back almost straight away. You would have scoffed at his eagerness to show himself off but, with a body like his you couldn’t really blame him. You zoomed into the photo, trailing your eyes over every inch of it. Messy blonde hair, though whether it was intentionally messy or just like that from him grabbing it while he jerked off over your photo you weren’t sure. Gorgeous eyes, heavy lidded and a little fucked out. One arm behind his head as he lay on his bed. It looked carefree and spontaneous, like someone else had taken the photo at the very moment he looked at the camera, but it showed off the muscles in his arms too well to be coincidence. And speaking of muscles. The boy was a fucking Adonis. You were instantly struck by the desire to drag your nails down his chest and leave a trail of hickeys and bite marks all the way down to his toned stomach and tight waist. You clenched your thighs together at the thought as you slowly revealed the bottom half of the photo. He had his legs outstretched though one was more bent than the other, knee jutting out to the side. Almost too casual to be casual, especially with the way he had his hand wrapped around his cock, like the photo was taken mid stroke. You couldn’t help linger over that particular part of the photo. It was a lovely hand, big with noticeable veins, exactly the sort that could make you weak in the knees. And the same could be said for the dick it was holding. You wondered briefly where this Ben guy had come from and what you could possibly have done to catch his attention.

Ben Jones: is that silence because you’re so impressed

The message made you roll your eyes. Hot he might be, but he was still just another desperate fuckboy looking for a naked girl to drool over and a quick orgasm.

You: well I’m not not impressed

Ben Jones: no need to be shy. just say you’re imagining riding me and I'd understand

You: wasn’t before. Am now.

Ben Jones: what were you picturing before?

You: doggy

Ben Jones: be happy to let you try both and compare.

You: let me film it and watch the tapes back to study your game?

Ben Jones: wait this is dumb.

Your frowned at your phone. For such typical guy, the sort you’d dealt with so many times before, Ben sure was hard to pin down.

You: what?

Ben Jones: you comfortable doing live chat?

Ohhhh

You: umm sure thing

Ben Jones: you don’t have to

You: i know that. you couldn’t force me to even if you wanted, beauty of doing this online. i just don’t do live very often. or I charge for it.

Ben Jones: that desperate for me?

You: you caught me in a good mood

You let the call ring for a bit, wanting to make sure Ben understood how in control you were and how much more he needed it than you. But eventually you picked up, settling back against your pillows. Ben seemed to be in a similar position, leaning against his headboard, the screen showing you his face and bare shoulders. “Hi,” “Hi,” his voice was deeper than you’d expected, thrown by how soft and, dare you say, feminine his features were, and yet it suited him perfectly. You could only imagine how that voice would sound growling out sexually charged complements, the thought appealing enough to have you pressing your thighs together. There was a moment of silence as you took each other in, not quite sure how to continue now that you’d switched from text. “So you going to show me how wet you are?” Once again his demeanour had you wanting to roll your eyes though you refrained, “No.” “No?” His confusion was entertaining to say the least. So many of the men who contacted you assumed you were going to be outright submissive and meek, taking whatever photos they demanded and doing everything they told you to with a smile and a yes sir. So proving them wrong, defying them, taking control, that was fun. Almost an aphrodisiac in its own right. Sometimes you’d eventually submit, play the brat and then let them win, and if they were paying it was a different story. But Ben struck you as the kind of guy who could use a little more pushback. Probably used to getting his way, having his pick of the litter. Lord knows had he hit on you in real life you probably would have agreed to whatever he wanted just to feel his hands on you. But here, on your profile, you had the power. Plus, in the back of your mind you suspected that being a little more assertive might just make him more interested in seeing you submit and maybe a little more willing to pay for the pleasure. “Not yet.” “Bit of a bold move considering I could just go find someone else to look at. There’re these things called porn sites, yeah?” “But they’re so impersonal. Isn’t this more fun?” He paused, eyeing you, and then let out a breath, “You got me there.” “Figured, since the video chat was your idea and all.” “Just got sick of typing one handed.” “Mmhmm, sure.” “So are you going to show me your cunt then?” “Eventually. But what’s the rush?” you stood up, making sure to let the camera dip just a little so Ben got a quick flash of your chest. “How about I’m hard as hell and want to get off?” “You’re not the only one who wants to get off so just hold your horses for a second while I get my toys.” “There are toys now?” You could see Ben’s shoulder move as he started to stroke himself again. “Told you to hold your horses. Stop touching yourself.” Ben’s arm stopped its movement though he seemed a little taken aback by his own obedience. “Good boy,” you watched for Ben’s reaction, not disappointed as he swallowed hard, his cheeks going pinker than they already were. That was interesting. “Yes there are toys, you wanna see?” “Do I get to pick which ones you use?” “Maybe,” “Go on, show me then,” You flipped the camera around as you opened your chest of draws. There wasn’t much in there, a couple different dildos and vibrators, a set of nipple suckers, mostly things you’d bought to fulfil requests guys were paying you for. You picked up the nipple suckers and held them up to the camera. “I assume you’d like to see me in these since you liked watching me play with my nipples.” “Mmhmm, absolutely. Also want to see you with a dildo. You got one with a suction base? Might tell you to ride it the way you’d ride me,” he seemed to be doubling down on the pull for control after you’d seen his reaction to being told what to do, determined to put you in your place or whatever. “Unfortunately, no. But this one will do,” you took hold of a silicon dildo, pulling it from the draw, “Don’t think it's as big as you but it does vibrate and that’s guaranteed to work.” “I’ll allow it, though I think we both know I’d be better.” “I’m going to ignore that,” you said as you turned the camera back towards you and headed back to your bed, settling against the pillows again. You propped the camera up against a pillow so Ben could watch as you placed the suckers over your nipples, whimpering at the sudden taught feeling. You picked the phone back up, giving Ben a closer view of your boobs. “They suit you. And you can ignore it all you like but when you start doing what I say and I let you fuck yourself into your third orgasm I’ll remind you. Maybe, if you’re lucky, I’ll tell you where you can meet me in real life and show you exactly how good I am.” “You’re a cocky one, aren’t you?” “In every sense. If I remember correctly you were speechless at the sight.” “You’ve got a bad memory, Benny boy.” Slowly you let your fingers trail down to your pussy. You didn’t believe he was as good as he thought he was – you’d dealt with too many overconfident wankers, both in real life and online, to believe another one – but the game you’d fallen into, the back and forth teasing, not entirely sure who was in control at any one time, was arousing to say the least. It was certainly one of the less predictable conversations you’d had recently. “If not speechless then certainly wet. Show me your pussy, wanna see you touching yourself.”” “Who said I’m touching myself?” you slipped a finger into your entrance, trying to keep your breathing even.” “You’re not as good at hiding it as you think you are. So show me.” “I’ll show you mine if you show me yours,” Ben gave you a fleeting look, eyebrow raised, before his camera flipped and you were once again looking at his hand wrapped around his cock, red and leaking precum. You turned your camera too, making sure he had a good view. “Add a second finger for me.” You did as he asked, “You been a good boy and not touched? Or do I have to tell you off for misbehaving?” “I didn’t but it wasn’t because of anything you said. Just didn’t want things to finish before I heard you beg me to cum.” He began to stroke himself, keeping in time with the slow pace you’d set as you pumped your fingers in and out of your pussy. “Sure,” you panted, adding a third finger, “so if I told you to stop now,” His hand halted. “Well aren’t you just so obedient,” You removed your fingers from yourself, reaching to grab the dildo, “you wanna see me fuck myself properly? Watch me cum all over this toy, pretend it’s your cock making me moan?” “God yes,” his voice cracked a little, fingers twitching against himself as he briefly let the cocky, controlling persona fall away. It didn’t last long, “Show me how deep you can take that cock. C’mon, I know what a fucking slut you are, getting off on people watching you.” You didn’t bother arguing, sliding the dildo along your dripping folds before pressing it into yourself with a whine. “Wait, hang on a sec.” The was the sound of shuffling and the screen went black as Ben moved around but, eventually, he flipped the camera again and settled back on the bed. He’d propped his phone up somewhere in front of himself, letting you see every inch of him from his face to his hard, leaking cock, “better?” “Oh much, hang on I’ll do the same," you carefully pulled the dildo from yourself and sat up, leaning your phone against a stack of books on your bedside table and then adjusting your pillows in front of it, “we good?” “Yeah, take the nipple things off though, wanna see your tits properly.” You did as he asked, letting out a soft moan at the sensation. Ben chuckled, “God I can’t wait to hear how loud you moan imaging how hard I’d fuck you.” You slid the dildo back into your entrance, slowly pumping it in and out of yourself as you brought your other hand up to squeeze your breast, “mmm, you look so pretty when you’re all needy Benny.” It wasn’t a lie, between his lust blown eyes, flushed cheeks and soft pout, Ben looked incredible and it only turned you on more, “Want to show me how needy you can get? Want me make you beg?” “Faster. Harder,” he ignored your questions in favour of giving you another order but you were sure you’d heard his voice crack just a little. You sped up, whining with each thrust, Ben’s hand matching your pace as his slid his thumb over the tip and spread the precum over his length. “Fuck your wet, I can hear it. That all because of me?” “Maybe a-a bit. Also just like, fuck, being watched,” “Turn on the vibrator and rub your clit,” Ben’s voice was husky, impossibly deep and rough, “don’t stop until I say.” You moaned as the vibrations started, angling the dildo to rub against your g-spot on every pass. “There you go, being a good little slut. Gonna cum how I tell you to.” “On-only if you cum how I tell you to.” You almost let the dildo fall from your grasp, so shocked were you by the whine Ben let out, “Like that idea? Want me to tell you what to do? If I told you to stop and watch me would you?” “No,” he said, steadfastly sticking to the game although his hand faltered and his voice had mostly lost the controlling edge he’d had before, all desperate, whiny need. “N-not sure I beli-eve you.” “Please don’t stop. Wanna cum so bad,” “I know y-ou do Benny.” “You close?” “Yes, fuck Ben, so close.” “Cum for me, come on, be a good slut and cum,” “Not. Yet. Play with your balls Benny, wanna see you cum first.” His gasped turned into a strangled cry as he ran his fingers over his testicles before lightly squeezing them “T-turn the vibrator higher,” Neither one of you were in control anymore, too caught up in getting yourselves and each other off, though you were both determinedly looking at the screen, watching each other. Ben’s lip was caught between his teeth, his chest rising and falling rapidly as he let out some of the prettiest moans you’d ever heard. It only served to push you closer to the edge, your own moans escaping as you bucked your hips rhythmically in time with the dildo moving in and out of your cunt. Ben finished a split second before you did, your eyes glued to the white now painting his stomach as you held the dildo in place, its vibrations making your toes curl.

The was a moment of quiet as you both collected yourselves, the only sounds his panted breaths and your soft whine as you removed the dildo from yourself, and then Ben spoke. “Fuck that was hot.” “Yup,” “I thought your tits were good enough to wank over but Christ. That’s gonna keep me going for a bit.” You laughed, relaxing as your heart gradually fell back to its normal rhythm, “Well not too long I hope. You’re fun and I’d be happy to chat again sometime.” “Did I see in your bio that you take commissions?” “Yuuup,” “Huh, well, I’ll keep that in mind then.” “I look forward to it,” “Well, I should be off then, gotta clean up,” he gestured to the mess drying on his stomach. “Yeah, me too, maybe have a nap. That really was fun though so next time you’re bored or whatever hit me up. If you’re lucky I’ll let you boss me around. If you’re luckier I’ll do the bossing,” “I’d like to see you try,” “That whine you made says you’d enjoy it quite a lot,” “My whine? What about yours? Needy little brat.” Guess you’ll have to come back and settle this then.” “Guess I will. See you later.”

#my writing #ben hardy smut #ben hardy x reader #ben hardy imagine #hope ya'll like this #hope i made him enough of a fuckboy #and that it makes sense and everything #i wrote the first half real quick like last month #and then took a break from it to write curtains 5 #and then found it kinda hard to get back into it #but i think im happy with it #anyway #gonna be more benny content coming soon #im so very deep in my feels because of all this 6u content

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grinfodoro-reblogs-corral · 9 months ago

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For the record, I haven't stop posting art on my main account "just because of AI". I know that if they wanted to steal my art that's likely in the database already, had it happened with my old Deviantart posts really. I've stopped because I don't feel like feeding the machine more. I don't want to create content that may or may not be used to feed these unethical on different fronts machines. I just don't want that, sure part of my art has gone on the digital trash already while some are doomed to stay on Tumblr and other platforms forever and ever but y'know I just don't want to put up more of it.

Beside, Glaze+Nightshade is just not so intuitive and easy and quick as it may be for some others. Sure I don't have a bazillion posts and only a small percentage of it was actually reblogged that much that I cannot pull it down (as odd as it is to say... thankfully? Lol) But I'm a traditional artists and I don't own a scanner. Meaning that I have to: 1. Take the photo of my art 2. Edit it 3. Move it on my computure 4. Throw it into the AI poisonining programms 5. Wait for it to be rendedred and all and 6. Finally post it.

I already have little time to make art to begin with, and I struggled already to keep it consistent because of how of an effort it is for me between irl schedule, motivation, lack and compensation of tools (the curse and bless of traditional art) and sometimes to even take the damn photo. It rained for a week and the lighting was shit so all the art I made the past few weeks weren't that grade at least to my taste and what I like to put out. Adding that whole ass process, that may not seem like much but it is for me kind of just nukes my will to post art at all. Maybe I will, but if I used to post like once a month now it can likely be like. Twice a year if nothing entirely.

And, regardless, I've been wanting to try take on another approach on social media and art. So this whole AI apocalypse is more like an excuse to me. I was considering taking a break already but Tumblr only made the choice on when and how to do that much easier.

I'm putting this here just as sort of message to hang on my board as I change a few couple things on my blogs. Again, I wish the best to everyone who decides to stay whether or not they want to Glaze their art or not and maybe one day I'll actually return, who to say. But for now, I'm out of here see ya on AO3 And Pinterest (will put the links in a moment)

Welp

This was fun until it lasted

I had been trying looking for other social media where to post my art but to no vain since most platforms either crumble down in weeks or are pulling out the same AI selling shit. Will keep looking, and if I do I'l post updates and links in here of course.

I don't have much to lose from leaving either way, and I think I'll just dedicate this place to reblogs and the other ones to writing unless they training other AI machines with fucking posts and fanfics.

I'll go now delete all of my art, and watermark few that were reblogged in case deleting is not enough.

You can find me at AO3 as Grifondoro. See you around

#griff's chatters #And also because screw the Tumblr staff genuinely?? Like hell naw

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succubuskai · 3 years ago

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53. I love the rain actually. The smell of the grass minutes after a rainstorm? It's almost as lovely as being able to see you.

31. Uhh. Well I had a certain dream last night and now I'm contemplating how to manage it. I'm honestly painfully horny and am searching the bowels of my phone to see if I have any photos of you.

60. That's a hard one honestly. But when not at home, I always have a notebook and pen so I can communicate with people.

73. Not really. It has an odd taste to me. Dunno how I feel about it.

27, 34, 57 for you.

Ask me anything else again if you want! And this can be private or not I don't mind.

Well hell with all this talk of rain now I wish it would here lol. And I have plans to post this or next month! Idk which, I have a workout routine and am eating healthier. I’m trying to up my self-esteem so I feel better about posting. I still love my body but I just wanna feel healthier.

27. Do you dry off in the shower or out of the shower?

I step out onto a fluffy blue mat to dry off & put lotion on! <3

34. Is there a person of the opposite sex who means a lot to you?

Really only my brothers lol. I have two older ones and they both have cerebral palsy so they still live with us. Mentally they’re like young kids, so they can literally do no wrong. I’d kill for them even though we sometimes argue lol. They cuties.

57. Are you shy?

Tw: medication + anxiety mention

I am! Mostly in person though but sometimes online too if I’m flustered. Irl I’m a mess like I’m medicated for social anxiety lmao. I had a guy whisper in my ear once and I stg my face was on fire. After I get to know someone irl though? They better watch tf out cause I go from shy to teasing brat lmao.

Ik you asked this one too but 37. And 48, 56 please! ♥︎

#ash-nikana #💌#104 questions #tw.anxiety

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jonathanrook · 3 years ago

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legally i have to give you intern 2

em you have awoken an ungodly beast inside me so i need to warn everyone that this post is. incomprehensible. but so is mymusic so i guess we're all used to it.

How I feel about this character:

i watched mymusic as it was airing/running/coming out specifically bc i'm a jack stannie, and as a kid melvin was my second favorite character (w scene being in first, obvs) for mostly that reason. he basically hovered around this ranking until my most recent rewatch in the summer of 2020, which was actually spurred by some events in my personal life that vaguely reminded me of scene's season two arc w jeff, and i thought it'd been a funny/nostalgic way to get my mind off things.

(i want to side note here that -- i know you didn't ask, but -- i love jeff. i have since i was a kid. like, obviously not as a person but i think he's honestly the best written character in the series, w indie close in second. idk what it says about the f*nes that their most interesting and well rounded characters are the villains, but i digress. to this day i'm salty that jeff never got added to the theme song and wasn't really included in promotional merch.)

however, in said rewatch, certain things about how he was written started to really get under my skin, and certain moments in particular have really stuck out to me in a negative way. like, for the entirety of season one and a good chunk of season two he's one person, and then he leaves mymusic and we have an entirely different person, but not in a nuanced character building sort of way.

i've said a few of these points before but i'll repeat them here regardless. at the risk of sounding like i've put on a tin-foil hat, it's my sneaking suspicion that scindie was supposed to be endgame, but since fan reception to it was pretty neutral, and scenechart stans were, at the very least, more vocal, changes were made to the intended finale, which is why in the last scene he's basically just. indie. like, if everything about the show was exactly the same but indie was the one who had ended up w scene in the end that would have made so much more sense since a) scene had a crush on indie that he/everyone knew about and b) indie was kind of a dick despite the half-assed attempts at redemption, so both combined make it slightly less weird/out-of-nowhere that he kisses her w/o her consent (since, even though like. implied consent is not real at worst and a fuzzy subject at best but you could argue that scene would want indie to kiss her); and this isn't even taking into consideration that c) melvin is heavily queer-coded in both seasons, with his friendship with nerdcore being, dare i say, homoerotic at times, and his arc about leaving the company and changing his name mirroring nerdcore's almost perfectly (with nerdcore being a character who b*nny [at least] has all but confirmed is actually gay).

i've also been on the fence about melvin's behavior in that final scene making more sense for indie's character being an intentional decision as a way of shoe-horning in a theme about the lasting effects of abuse/cycles of abuse/the corruption of power but i also don't think the f*nes are smart enough for that. however, for the sake of defending my straw theory, i also point to the scene where indie comes to visit the acid factory after melvin told him to shut up, and we see melvin use reggie as a foot-stool, going as far as to say that it feels good to do so (which, in all honesty, i think is a bit that was entirely improvised, since the f*nes were "notorious for never saying cut" [paraphrased from a bts video], but work w me here). he's also given a seltzer mug that perfectly resembles indie's kombucha mug. in these moment melvin is directly emulating the behavior of his previous abuser, purposefully or not, literal moments after being promoted to an equal position of authority, which was totally just included as a joke, but could also be argued is meant to show that he's becoming indie; or, if we acknowledge that the f*nes have no fucking clue what they're doing and were just directing like chickens with their heads cut off, it at least shows that melvin's new position of power is leading him to understand where indie was coming from, which is supported by their conversation in the finale.

the following contains a couple brief mentions of irl sexual assault so if that's something you'd like to avoid skip to the next section!

HOWEVER, that alone isn't what i have a problem with, since i think melvin is completely justified in being a dick to indie (and also reggie enthusiastically consents to being used as an ottoman so good for him i guess). the issue comes completely in how he treats scene in the scenes where the f*nes clearly thought what they were writing was super romantic. like, the fact that the only thing he's got hung on his cubicle wall is a single picture of scene taken from the fucking opening credits (like. how hard would it have been to have. literally any other photo[s] esp since there's an abundance of cute bts pics of the cast in costume that could have been put there) and him scrolling through her twitter at work really creep me out (and at the risk of oversharing the weird, like, social media stalking angle really fucks w me bc that may or may not have been the exact fucking thing i was trying to escape in rewatching mymusic in the first place). also, having him sexually assault scene as a means of comforting her after she had just been sexually assaulted in the same way by someone else was... a choice (which is also, uh, personally familiar).

again, i recognize that demonizing melvin wasn't what the f*nes were trying to do here, and i perhaps seem hypocritical for opening liking jeff, but what makes jeff work is he's intentionally "the bad guy." having melvin do the same things as indie and jeff uncritically only proves further that the f*nes can't write for shit, and ruins his character which had, up until he quit mymusic, been unironically good. like, it's obviously not beneficial that the exact asshole things he does are personally triggering, but the character would still be a mess and i would still dislike him regardless.

i want to say though that jack delivers a surprisingly great performance despite how shoddily his character is constructed and how little experience he has as an actor. like, it's clear he was having a lot of fun on set and i would love to see him in something, like, good; i think he could pull off even like, guest television roles, which is a lot more than can be said for other youtubers.

-----

All the people I ship romantically with this character:

nerdchart should have been canon i'm sorry. i know that close, nonromantic male friendships are valuable, esp between queer men, but also gd wouldn't it have been baller to have a canon interracial mlm ship. like. c'mon. and they could have been such a good friends to lovers story! we already got to see how melvin was the only person nerdcore could really be himself around so it would have been so cool if melvin's self-advocacy arc/flowchart arc had revolved more around nerdcore with a little role-reversal! and then they kiss! like god intended!

also i ship him and indie bc i'm a grubby little gremlin man ohoho. enemies w weird sexual tension? sign me up. not even enemies to lovers i'm not saying this one should have been canon i just love the vibes. do you think melvin and indie ever explored each other's bod-- *gunshot*

-----

My non-romantic OTP for this character:

i wish him and scene had just been bros. god remember in season one when they were just bros that was the life.

alternatively, i wish we'd seen more bonding w him and metal, as a means of reconciling that. uh. moment from season one. along similar lines i would have loved to see him get closer w rayna in a similar way to how she bonded w nerdcore in season two. i think that could have also worked to show how she'd grown between the two seasons.

-----

My unpopular opinion about this character:

HIM. AND. SCENE. SHOULD. HAVE. JUST. BEEN. BROS. (though i think my general dislike of him is pretty unpopular, lmao).

when the show was coming out i don't think it's unfair to say that scenechart/scenetern 2 was the most popular ship (aside from potentially techstep whatever) but luckily we're all gay and have better taste now. unfortunately i totally fell into this camp and scenechart was even my otp for years (until it was arguably more unfortunately usurped by reddie in 2019) and i didn't even realise that it's a hot mess until, again, the summer of 2020.

when actually watching the show the choices the f*nes made in regards to how the ship actually became canon are so odd and out of place, too? okay, so, on one hand everyone just shipped scenechart bc it was the whitest hettiest ship in the show (esp in season two when idol left) aside from scindie (and we already discussed what's wrong w that). but, on the other hand, lainey and jack clearly also just got along? and i suspect that lainey probably also admired jack's work and was happy to be working with him bc we have so many shots throughout even the first season when the ship wasn't the intended endgame of lainey scene looking really fondly at jack melvin at times when it doesn't make much sense at all, esp since she's smitten w indie? this trend continues into the second season which arguably works but it still seems really out of place for him to be the one to ultimately make the first move on her since it's clear she was the one crushing this whole time and also he's gay! this bitch is gay what the fuck!!

-----

One thing I wish had happened with this character in canon:

at this point i'm struggling to think of anything i haven't covered yet. oops.

i've talked at length before about how he should have been a woman/lesbian, but the tl;dr is that it would have solved a lot of the queer-coding "problems" that just didn't get resolved in the show. if he'd been a lesbian then not only would the friendship w nerdcore still made sense, but scenechart would have as well (not even mentioning that both of scene's other relationships w men make a lot of sense as comphet anyway).

#long post #this took me an hour to write i literally had to get a snack in the middle of it #mymusicshow #mymusic show #question #mlentertainment #also having a character named scene when you have to write about scenes like. in a story is an absolute bitch

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modern-oedipus · 3 years ago

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Therapy Notes #?

I haven’t mediated or wrote in my mental health journal for nearly two months, and now, starting them feels overwhelming. So instead, I’m making a Tumblr post about 5 things I’ve successfully done today, to remind my brain that I’m not only unfinished tasks. (This was a psychiatrist advice— when I told her I don’t want to use medicine and I want to regulate my mental health without antidepressants. Thankfully, it worked for me, as I wasn’t a severe case. Anyways.)

• I read 3 stories from Rashōmon, Akutagawa’s book. Moreover, I borrowed that book from my girlfriend yesterday, which makes me feel like I’m running through her brain, which is equally exciting as— just being lovers. But like. Intellectually. I remember how she always gets very excited showing her books from her chaotically huge library. I think I even interrupted her speech midway just to kiss her. Life is quite fanfic-like nowadays. 🧿🎈

• I posted one Instagram post at @nilashh and wrote about how and why Akutagawa’s stories and his life inspired me. I developed a sense of genuine respect to him as I read his stories. Our writing style is similar. I think I understand what he means at the core of his writing. But, I had to google some specifics parts to see if I missed anything. I also made a private instagram as Nila because I want to share more photos of just me being me. It’s private, though, I only keep those who are dearest to me, those whom I trust. I also don’t keep anyone irl on that account. Which means I’ll probably have 10-15 people only but 😂Good enough! Some things are better in privacy 💖 I hear a lot from people that, I look attractive to them, and some were quite to surprised to find me looking like that because you know, they just so happened to read my fics and didn’t expect I’d look “this good” or something? Anyways, it surely is a pleasant reaction when I do a face real. I also feel the same thing, like most of my friends are FREAKIN gorgeous! Some have colored hair and all! Inspiring!

• Told my mom to bring our canary over the grandma’s since he was home alone. Here, there are 2 more pet birds. It is more fun for him to hang out with them. I’m happy I came up with the idea. He is here now.

• I called my father to check up on him. I also vented him about how I saw in my dream that he had a new baby daughter and how I wanted to strangle the daughter because I’m his only princess, and my dad was freaked out at my agression and ensured me he’s not gonna have any more kids 😂 It was funny. But, seriously. It may sound odd but I’m glad I only have my brother. I feel like I’d constantly compare myself if I had a sister (who’s prettier? Who is thinner? Who has more friends? etc.) but with a male sibling, I don’t feel any competition. Of course, I am only talking hypotehtically, maybe I would love if I had a sister, but honestly? I always hated the thought of sharing my spot with anyone. So I am glad I only have my younger brother and no one else. My father is my most beloved human on the earth so I would feel very jealous if I had to share him— and funny thing is, I told all of these to my dad, and he was freaked out 😂 Well, not my fault. If he didn’t want me to make him my favorite person, he shouldn’t have been a fantastic gentleman with an interesting personality (outside of him being a parent) and also a safe parent. Only natural that I’d strangle a potential sister if she were to ever ask to share my spot. I wonder why I had such a weird dream, tho. Both my parents are passed the age of getting kids and we are old, no one is getting kids. It was so weird for sure. Anyways, it was just a dream in the end.

• It’s so hard to find something I productively did today. But I was having a chat with my 15 years old cousins— and I noticed, the parents usually do not listen to them wholly. But I decided to listen until they finish their words, be kind, validate their ideas and respectfully tell what I think as well. Because I think teenagers, kids, or even pets; deserve personal space and respect. It’s not good to act all high and mighty even if you “know” the best as an adult. This lead to a very entertaining conversation with 5 male teenager cousins in a room. I feel like I can actually talk to them better compared to when we were younger. I guess we all are growing up and that’s inspiring.

Anyways, I’m too tired, so here are 5 QUICK notes of things I’m grateful for: 🧿 (I saw that this evil eye emoji thingy is kinda?? Like a charm?? To keep bad shit away if you’re happy? I AINT TAKING ANY CHANCES)

• being alive

• having my loved ones alive (and RIP to all loved ones we lost this year..)

• my dog— actually I’ll just share my doggo

That’s the doggo! 🤍💖🧿

• being healthy. I am kinda having some health problems ritht now but they are not too harsh and I am not on any medication.

• hmmmm what else

• my lover ofc

• the fact that I finally can read books after training my brain and patience for so long. I sometimes have symptoms very similar to adhd (but I don’t have adhd, I learned that some other issues can MIMIC the symptoms of adhd but are not chronic like it) so I kinda tried adhd hacks — consistently for. 2 months and they worked!

Anyways my head hurts and i was just gonna write them on notes section of my phone but since some of my mutuals said they do benefit/enjoy therapy notes series, i decided to share! Give me a hug we all are tired!!

#therapy notes #nila stuff #akutagawa ryonosuke #reading #writing

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nagisasstunningpersonality · 5 years ago

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I went to Kunugigaoka.

At least... kind of? Kunugigaoka isn’t actually a real place, but it’s kind of been accepted that the real life town of Hachioji (about an hour away from Tokyo) is the real life setting. The anime even uses a few references from the actual place!

So yeah, I finally found the time to go, and I felt like I should share because ultra accurate fic references are fun! I will be referring to it as Hachioji throughout this post

It’s actually like, a big city.

In a sense at least. When I walked through Hachioji station, I was expecting it to be like a small town kind of place. In fact, the station is like the same size as the one in Shinjuku! It’s definitely bustling. The station actually opens out onto this bridge thing, and it’s like a plaza. But the first thing I saw was this kind of odd rainbow sculpture thing.

In fact, the city had a lot of weird sculptures. There was a collection of shiny balls right beside this.

As you can see, there’s the bridge. The building on the left is the station building.

The rest of this will be under the cut to spare you all.

To be completely transparent, I wasn’t sure exactly what to do, so I just kind of walked around for a couple of hours and tried to get a feel for the area. Now, most of the ‘interesting’ stuff to do from a tourist POV is probably Mount Takao, which is like two train stops over. Takao could be a post of its own, but it’s basically just a very popular hiking spot with a lot of stuff to do.

But as for the city itself-

One thing I noticed was that the actual main city part is pretty flat. Most of the skyscrappers outside of that main area outside the station were actually residential apartments. So I definitely got the ‘commuter town where most people actually work in Tokyo’ vibe.

There were definitely quite a few Japanese restaurants, as well as bars and cafes. That was mostly what I noticed in terms of entertainment. The concentration of that was mostly around the station. I also noticed a dance studio, quite a few yoga places etc. Lots of book shops! Hachioji isn’t in Tokyo, but it had a similar feeling to parts of it.

There’s actually two main stations in the centre, JR Hachioji and Keio Hachioji. Basically, two different rail companies. But! I was on a little bit of a mission, being karmagisa trash, and the keio station was literally the only McDonalds I could see.

YALL IT’S REAL. EVEN DOWN TO THE WINDOW SEATS AND THE LITTLE WALL DIVIDER.

I sadly couldn’t get a very good photo due to it being busy. Obviously the colour scheme is different, but hey good enough. That wall divider is actually pretty high irl so I’m not surprised Karma managed to lose track of the smol snake boy.

I don’t know if anyones ever been to a Japanese city, but it’s kind of common to have a sky scrapper building that’s just 13 floors of assorted shops. I don’t even know what to call those kinds of places, but you see them all the time. And this was one of them. They had a daiso and a kimono store, as well as anime and tower records? It was odd. Well, that was where the McDonalds is.

After that I decided to walk to the river and do a small loop.

The river was a little lame, but there was a nice view of the surrounding mountains! Across the river, though, was kind of interesting.

This neat building? I’m not really sure about it. It didn’t look very open. But! There’s definitely a really cute greenhouse restaurant, which seemed fun. The huge ass grand hotel was fancy as shit. Like, butlers wearing white gloves level of fancy. Not sure who’s staying in a luxury hotel in a place like here, but it was interesting.

This was getting outside of the main city, and as it followed we got to regular houses which were on more of an incline.

There was also a neat looking shrine kind of close to the station

Now, the question I was asked was about entertainment options.

Honestly, that’s a difficult one. From my perspective, there wasn’t much as a visitor, but sure if you lived there there’s definitely things to do. I didn’t go to them, but Hachioji has castle ruins and a tomb apparently, so that’s neat if you like history. I think there may also be a museum/art gallery?

But I did find a cool entertainment complex beside the station.

Apologies for the blur. The first two floors are casinos, the upper ones restaurants and bars, but the arcade is pretty awesome. Unique, actually, for a Japanese arcade. It has lots of crane games, purikura, music games, racing games etc.

Also a shooting game for the chibahayami fans :’) This is the first time I’ve seen one in a Japanese arcade honestly.

Also, there’s a LOT of karaoke places. Like, almost too many. To the point it might be Kunugigaoka injustice if karaoke isn’t featured in some people’s fanfics :’)

This huge ass shopping centre was also opposite the station, so I decided to look inside it too.

It was mostly shops and stuff, but at the top there was a really cute cafe!

Outside of the city, aside from Takao, there’s also an amusement park that’s about an hour away. Looking at the maps, there’s also a zoo not too far away. In terms of aquariums, there’s none that close. If you want to write one in, I’d probably recommend the big one in Ikebukuro (a neighbourhood in Tokyo).

Disclaimer of course that Kunugigaoka and Hachioji are NOT the exact same. There’s not even a cinema in Hachioji! So creative license is needed. That being said, I’m willing to answer any specific questions anyone might have, about here or Japan in general.

Thanks for reading this mess!!!

#assassination classroom #ass class #ansatsu kyoushitsu #kunugigaoka

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aion-rsa · 4 years ago

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Star Trek Picard Season 2 Teaser Trailer: All the Easter Eggs & References

https://ift.tt/39N5lp2

Mild spoilers for Picard Season 1 ahead.

More than any of the new Star Trek series, Picard is the one that is the most stuffed with obvious Trekkie nostalgia. Yes, when Strange New Worlds starts showing some footage, we might feel differently, but because Picard is a sequel to the ‘90s-era of Trek, for this present moment, it connects with various generations of Trekkies at the same time.

On “First Contact Day,” Paramount+ dropped a minimalist, spare teaser-trailer, similar to the vineyard teaser for Picard Season 1. But this time, as we swept through Picard’s study in Château Picard, the trailer was basically nothing but Easter eggs. Here’s a full breakdown of what we caught and what it all might mean.

Château Picard is NOT a hologram

Notably, the first shot of the trailer is of the outside of Château Picard, which seems to imply what we’re looking at isn’t the holographic recreation of Picard’s study on the La Sirena, but instead, the “real” place. This could imply that Picard actually returns to Earth in Season 2. Unless this is some idealized version of his study we’ll never see.

Enterprise painting

This one is obvious. Prominently displayed in Picard’s study is that famous painting of the Enterprise which Picard had in his Ready Room for all seven seasons of The Next Generation, and the film, Generations. Like the Captain Picard Day banner in Season 1, you really have to wonder if this is the same painting. After all, when the Enterprise-D was crashed in Generations, we only saw Picard take his photo album with him, which seems to imply somebody else had to grab that painting for him later. That said, this painting looks a little different from the one made by Andrew Probert and Rick Sternbach for The Next Generation.

Is any of this real?

Paradise Lost

One of the books visible in Picard’s study is Paradise Lost by John Milton. Mostly, this is a book of verses about Satan and other fallen angels. Paradise Lost is a revered work of literature insofar as many critics cite its metaphoric power over a variety of subjects. The most famous quote from Paradise Lost is easily, “Better to reign in Hell than serve in Heaven.” Now that Picard is a Snyth/Golem (and no longer human) he might feel this way about himself. But, this thematic notion of Satan could also easily be applied to Q, a trickster god, often at odds with the other beings in the Q Continuum.

Star Trek also loves referencing this book. Khan alludes to this book in “Space Seed,” and Kirk explains to Scotty the significance at the end of the episode. When Chekov and Terrell find the Botany Bay’s cargo bays in The Wrath of Khan, a copy of Paradise Lost is clearly visible next to Moby Dick.

The Long Dark Tunnel

Sitting underneath the copy of Paradise Lost is a made-up book (meaning it doesn’t exist IRL!) of The Long Dark Tunnel. If you look close you can see the words “Dixon Hill.” Meta-fictionally, Dixon Hill a hardboiled detective who, in the Star Trek canon, was the main character of a series of crime noir novels published in the 1930s. The “author” of the Dixon Hill book was “Tracy Tormé” a writer on TNG’s early seasons. (The new Picard trailer honors that authorship too!) According to the Enterprise computer, “The Long Dark Tunnel” was the second appearance of Dixon in fiction. So, if you think of Dixon Hill like Raymond Chandler’s Philip Marlowe, then The Long Dark Tunnel is like Farewell, My Lovely, or, perhaps, more appropriately, The Long Goodbye.

“Dixon Hill,” and the detail about The Long Dark Tunnel, was first mentioned in the TNG episode “The Big Goodbye.” The last time we heard mention of Dixon Hill was in Star Trek: First Contact when Picard played him on the holodeck and pumped some Borg full of lead.

The Promellian battlecruiser- in a bottle!

You can barely see this, but on Picard’s mantle, underneath the Enterprise painting, is a model ship in a bottle. Some fans, including Jörg Hillebrand on Twitter, have zoomed in very close and think this is a Promellian battlecruiser, in a bottle! Why would Picard have this? Well in the TNG episode, “Ship in a Bottle,” Picard mentioned having built model ships and putting them in bottles.

Picard’s Shakespeare books

We’ve seen these before, but the two big glass cases containing books appear to be Picard’s collected works of Shakespeare. Relevantly, Q threw huge volumes of Shakespeare at Picard (literally) in the TNG episode “Hide and Q.”

The Kurlan Naiskos

Given to Picard in “The Chase,” the Kurlan Naiskos is an ancient alien artifact. It represents “many voices” inside of “the one.”

Will Star Trek: Strange New Worlds Cast More Characters from The Cage?

By Joseph Baxter

Star Trek: Picard Works Best as a Binge

By Ryan Britt

The USS Stargazer

Perhaps the most prominent Easter egg in the teaser is Picard’s model of the Stargazer. This Easter egg may not mean anything, but then again, this entire teaser is focused on Picard talking about regret and “second chances.” Picard was the Captain of the Stargazer before he was the Captain of the Enterprise. His best friend, Jack Crusher, died on the Stargazer based on orders given by Picard. Jack was Wesley’s dad and Beverly Crusher’s husband. We’ve only ever seen the Stargazer for real in the TNG episode “The Battle.” Interestingly, the Stargazer is also an Easter egg for Picard Season 1. In the Picard episode “Maps and Legends” Jean-Luc is visited by Dr. Benayoun, who we learn was a medical officer on the Stargazer. Other than Jack (and maybe Beverly) the canonical info about the Stargazer officers — and that Trek time period in general — is limited.

The Queen of Hearts

This Easter egg seems linked to a scene at the very start of Picard Season 1. While Data and Picard playing poker, Data suddenly has five queens. It’s at that point that Picard relives the attack on Mars, and wakes from his nightmare. Back in 2020 Michael Chabon and Akiva Goldsman denied that this was an Easter egg for “Q,” but now, maybe, retroactively, it was?

Has Q just been hanging around, waiting to mess with Picard for a while?

While it’s probable that there wasn’t a plan to bring Q back in Picard Season 1, this Easter egg lets us believe that even if the writers’ didn’t intend for this reference at first, Q totally had other plans.

cnx.cmd.push(function() { cnx({ playerId: "106e33c0-3911-473c-b599-b1426db57530", }).render("0270c398a82f44f49c23c16122516796"); });

Picard Season 2 is expected to hit Paramount+ sometime in 2022.

The post Star Trek Picard Season 2 Teaser Trailer: All the Easter Eggs & References appeared first on Den of Geek.

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#aion-rsa #Den of Geek

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hoid-library · 5 years ago

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Beauty is Cheap

Length: 1433 words. ~5 minutes reading time.

I know what men really want, and let me tell you, beauty isn’t it. Beauty is an extra, a condiment; it’s not the main meal. Sex is. It’s all about sex, and how well you can please cocks, which opens all sorts of possibilities for girls who are insecure about their looks.

Consider this. What good is a girl with a smoking hot body — a true 11 out of 10 — if she won’t suck cock? Those bitches exist, you know.

Men don’t want women who can please their eyes. Men want women who can please their cocks. A 7 who sucks cock is better than an 11 who doesn’t. And a 3 who makes sex easy and can make him cum so hard he sees stars — he’ll fucking fall in love with that girl. He’ll cheat on hotter girls just to be with her.

What I’m saying, girls, is that what really matters in a woman is what’s inside… their holes. Cocks are what matter, cocks and how well you can please them. I can confidently tell you that if a woman is sufficiently submissive, she’ll hook me even if she’s ugly, fat, covered in scars, and a single mother.

That’s not a hypothesis — I have two girls like that in my roster right now, and they both please my Dom side in a way that few subs have managed before. One of them even gets off on being called all the adjectives listed above, which is nice. They both did what every slut should dedicate their lives to doing — they mastered the art of pleasing cock and debasing themselves for male pleasure.

For men, that’s what matters the most in a girl — the sexual pleasure they provide. The reason why most men won’t tell you that is that most of them have never really had a woman dedicate herself fully to pleasing them. Men are used to having to lie, steal, and beg to get OK sex which they think is great because they know nothing else.

Not all men are Alphas like me — sex is scarce for many of them. If you are one of the rare souls who can actually ask to be fucked, you can easily become a guy’s favorite slut. And if you master the art of getting men hard and getting them off in epic fashion, men will damn well fall in love with you, even if they are lowkey embarrassed to post photos with you on Facebook.

And isn’t that a great goal to aim for? Make it your goal to become so sexually pleasing that the men around you would rather be embarrassed than stop fucking you. Attain hotness that runs beneath your skin. Get men to cheat on girls much hotter than you just because when you make them cum they fucking see stars; get them to ditch their friends and the nightclub so they can stay home pumping you full of cum.

You may see hot girls walking around and feel jealous of them. Life for them is so easy! All they need is a little cleavage and men are all over them. And fair enough. Attraction is step 1 in any sexual encounter, and hot girls are natural cock magnets. But what about steps 2 through 10 of that process? What about what happens in bed? Do you think those hotties will spend hours practicing to deep throat cock, learning how to contract their Kegel muscles, and studying all the best ways to edge a man with their tongues?

No. They’ll date cute losers with money and complain to their friends that all the men they meet blow their loads in 3 minutes. They’ll be assaulted by hot men so much they’ll get an inflated sense of self, which will make it very hard for them to enjoy the pleasures of being truly submissive to men. Then they’ll meet that one asshole who makes them feel like a real woman and fall madly in love with them. That’s the life story of 8 out of 10 hot women, especially in their teens and their 20s.

Of course, not all girls follow that standard. Life isn’t a video game; there is no fairness, no game balance. Some lucky whores really do have everything in life — they are incredibly beautiful and have incredible sex with an incredible Alpha who fulfills then completely. Girls like that do exist. But assuming that every hot girl lives that way is like assuming every guy driving a nice car is Jeff Bezos. People who have it that great are rare, and they all worked for it.

But back to you, my insecure reader. There is a path to female sexual success without traditional beauty. Work on your moves, get more social and start making it easy for men to date you — walk up to cute guys and give them a piece of paper with your phone number if you have to. What’s stopping you? How much courage does that really require?

Here are the four steps for success.

First, you get guys on dates — figure out the best way to do that, the phone number idea isn’t bad. Just write “I’m shy, but please text me later :)” with your phone number underneath. Do it to dozens of guys every week to stack the odds in your favor.

Second, while on dates, either get the guy to bed or let them take you to bed.

Third, in bed, blow their fucking mind and work your hardest to be the best little slut he ever had. Ask if you can call him “Sir”, get on your knees without him asking, be proactive. The more men you get to bed the better you’ll be at fucking them.

Fourth, after that first fuck, get to know him. By then you’ll have so much value in his eyes that all the great guys will be all over you.

You’ll have a lot of horrible sexual experiences, but you’ll have a lot of unforgettable ones too. And with experience, you’ll get better at filtering the creeps during the first date.

Follow this process and, if you can get one cock a month, you will have 12 cocks a year. About half of them will want to fuck you more than once, and once you kick out the bastards, it should still leave you with two good fuck buddies at the end of a year. That’s great cock just one phone call away, year-round for as long as they are single — and maybe even past that. What else do you need to be sexually happy?

In the long term, this systematic hunt for cock will get guys wanting to be your forever partner — begging you to date and even marry them. Guys who will be blown away by your skill and experience that — should you choose one of them — they won’t believe how lucky they are that they get to live with you and have you please their cocks every day. Tell me that idea doesn’t make you smile.

Get a system. That’s the key. Hot girls just bumble around hoping some player will take them to bed, they don’t put in the work; they don’t put in the hours. Get a system like this going and start dedicating six hours a week just to getting sex partners. Within a year you’ll be texting a lot more guys than any popular girl, and you’ll be so confident you won’t even recognize yourself anymore. You won’t have to lose a pound — although dressing cute might be a good idea.

There is no success without work. Not in this life. You know the smoking hot Instagram stars who seem to just get paid to shake their ass around? Watch closely. They have entire marketing companies around them, they make strategic collaborations with other stars, they have an upload schedule and a shoot schedule and a gym schedule to keep their money-maker in order. And they live their lives watching over their shoulder for anything that could damage their reputation. Just being cute gets you likes on Facebook and a bunch of dick pics — making money off beauty takes work. Getting great cock takes work.

Stop bemoaning your beauty and get to work. There are cocks out there that need pleasing, are you going to let all those loads go to waste?

Here’s some further reading on how to pick-up men IRL.

https://www.bustle.com/articles/157588-7-tips-for-picking-up-guys-irl.

— Original essay by King Hoid. April 25, 2020.

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samsideup · 5 years ago

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🌹 THE ROSE 🌹 SPECIAL EVENT IN KL

The whole of last week I’ve been trying to sit my ass down to write this but I couldn’t.. & then life caught up & idk when I’d end up posting this, or who will read this, but I’ll try to put down the (broken) memories of my experience into words!

Prelude:

I took the longest time considering if I should buy the special event tickets (I finally bought it nearing the closing date). While I was so afraid it’ll be sold out, I was skeptical about spending another large sum of money on top of buying the VVIP tickets. If I had known that special event was going to happen- I’d probably have bought balcony tickets for the concert so I’ll get to hang with the boys up close (during special event) and also see them perform as 4 (I couldn’t really see jeff throughout the concert, but that’s a story for another time).

Event day:

I was confused as ever. No staff was stationed outside to direct anyone or anything the entire time, until 1:30pm when they were supposed to meet us. By then the queue for concert tagging was already growing (which explains my confusion). They called our names and lined us up accordingly (to the sequence that we bought our tickets in I assume). Then we were given our concert tags ahead of the actual issue time - so we were supposed to be given priority in entering the venue during the concert, after the top 10 tastemakers (but I still couldn’t snatch the front row- yet another story for another time). Soon enough, we were brought into the concert venue. For some reason, all of us who bought the special event tickets were not screaming all over. I think the staff thought it was odd cos she was like “okay yay!!!” in attempt to hype us up, to which we responded with low “yays”. I was honestly just too nervous at that point to react to her (I’m sorry!)

Special event:

It took place at the balcony area of the concert hall, so we had a prelude to the view that the balcony broses would have during the concert. We were lined up along the balcony, in front of a long table where the boys were to sit at. After we were given instructions, we just waited around for the boys. I made friends with broses who were behind me in the queue (s/o to my dear Farah & Nadiah who were incredibly warm!) and the three of us were just- we just don’t know how to feel at that point.

So I was just looking around and that was when I saw Hajoon backstage through a little opening in the curtain. I flipped and started tapping Farah “look look that’s hajoon right?!” the rest of the broses in line were unable to see it from their end- so i was just helplessly trying to wave to get his attention. I failed. Yes. Because at that exact moment he turned around to leave the backstage and come up to us. Saw a sneak peak of woosung’s back too tho!

I think it was when they actually appeared that I completely started freaking out internally. I was tryna look chill on the outside. But it really wasn’t working. Farah, Nadiah and I started asking each other “wait ok so what are you gonna say to them?!” since we were the last 3 in line, we literally asked each other this question a million times. None of us knew what to say. It was all blank. While queuing we also overheard their korean staff (speaking in korean) to make the line move faster (whaaaaaat) cos they were bored? I hope we were hearing things- but I doubt that.

So the boys sat down according to this order- dojoon, jaehyeong, woosung, hajoon. Dojoon was an absolute ball of sunshine, he was so loud and cheery. It was so contagious. Jaehyeong was WAY too smiley, I have nothing but heart eyes for him, seriously. Woosung looked so good. I just- he just looked so chill and cool. I- my heart- Then hajoon. He’s the absolute sweetest, just sitting there being a sweetheart ugh massive sigh.

I was so nervous I simply couldn’t remember my entire experience with them, but here are some of the highlights with each of them:

Dojoon

You seriously cannot help but feel comfortable around him. He’s just so cheerful and you’d feel obliged to match his energy- completely no complains though aghhh! He signed on the right of my scrapbook, where he was supposed to. Then he saw the post-it note that I had stuck at the left side of the book, written “hello my name is qian” in cursive. He was like “oh can I write there?” *points to the left of the notebook” and I said “sure please do!” he wrote “hello my name is dojoon” in cursive and I was like “wow your handwriting is nicer than mine!” He deadass said “of course!”. I was thrown off but ended up replying “you’re good at everything” to which he literally beamed at me *cues awwww in sunglasses*

Jaehyeong

I thought people were exaggerating when they said they that jeff was so good looking that they lost their shit. You seriously won’t know how that feels until you SEE HIM IRL. I was so so so mesmerised by his looks I couldn’t even remember what I said to him. He kept smiling and laughing prettily the entire time. I asked if he was tired from tour and he said “oh, no no no” in his cute little way (you’d know) and I told him his English really improved. He laughed and said thank you. So I had post-it bunnies sticking out of the notebook (& I chose them because I secretly felt like each of the bunnies signified each member). idk why the fuck- but I was so comfortable around him that I told him that that tall bunny was him. I feel stupid, yes, I’m well aware, thanks. Of all the things in the world I could have said- I said “this bunny is you” dear lord please help me.

Woosung

My entire universe. He was so laid back (but tbh it may even have come off as cold hmm). I told him I was from Singapore & I think that picked his interest- because he immediately said “oh cool! I really want to visit Singapore” and he repeated it multiple times on his own accord (so I’m convinced he really wants to!) i had to cut his excitement in order to talk abt something else lol so I talked to him a little more and when I was about to be asked to leave I deadass looked at him in the eyes and said “Sammy” he looked at me, and I pointed to him and whispered “smoke less ok” I only caught his laughed before I had to move on......

Hajoon

The last of the 4. I swear this is absolutely his era- his blond hair looks nothing short of amazing up close. I honestly can’t remember what we talked about because half the time I just rlly wanted to squish his cheeks (altho mine was way chubbier than his- so wHO AM I TO SQUISH HIS). But at the end I also asked him if he was tired from the tour. His eyes shot up from signing my book and VERY SMILEY & CHEERFULLY SAID “Oh... No! I’m not tired! Because of you guys”. & that, my friends, was instant K.O. Hajoon 1, Qian 0. Mmhmm

After signing, we went back to join the line to take our photos together with the boys. It happened so damn quickly- LITERALLY “with a blink, shot shot” and it was over....

To sum up this experience:

it was extremely short- but absolutely worth it meeting the boys up close. It was my first experience and I told myself it will be my only. But after meeting them for myself- my stand has wavered..

My takeaway:

Go to special event PREPARED. Memorise what you want to tell the boys, rehearse what you want to do. Be more prepared than you have ever been for any formal presentations that you’ve gone through in your life. Because eventually when you get there you’d be completely star struck (I speak for all of us) and you’d freeze and forget it all. You’d be lucky if you remember to breathe - honestly.

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