#it feels like we're reaching a point where things have to happen. things im not exactly sure of.

[greatgoddyke]

this is petty n most likely an issue of ive just been exposed to entirely different shit but those posts about how people complaining about redemption arcs is bad bc its important message that people can change is just completely ignoring why people are actually complaining cause the big two examples i can think of for why people complain about redemptions are 1. the redemption is poorly written n ignores and/or retcons the previous seriousness of their wrongdoings just because the writer(s) want them to be good now n its kind of hard to do that if (for example) we take the lives they intentionally n mercilessly killed into account and 2. this character is an abuser but instead of taking accountability n bare minimum apologizing n letting their victim(s) choose whether they wish to still have them in their life the writer(s) choose a narrative where the abuser doesnt really have to change as a person they just dont abuse anyone anymore n the framing is weirdly unsympathetic to their victim(s)

[harleehazbinfics]

Love eat?

Alastor x cannibal servant!reader

Original Concept | Additional Concept

Word count: 1764

A/N: sup im back with more crack, jk. but yeahhh i did a oneshot of that imagine and now we're here. i've channeled my inner crazy and that led me to this oneshot lmao, sorry if it's not up to par but pls enjoooooyyyy!

ps I can't find the artist pls help. chainsaw man falling devil spoiler sorry

“Yuta!” you called your boyfriend from where you sat waiting for him.

“Sorry, I'm late,” he says with an apologetic smile, placing his bag to his side while he sat in front of me.

“No, it's ok! You're doing your best in school. I was the one who asked you to eat with me anyway,” you responded clapping your hands together, appealing cutely to your boyfriend.

“But you're busy with your culinary classes too. I'm sure you're working harder than I am!” He replied, making you smile at how genuine he sounded.

You reached inside your bag and presented 2 lunch boxes in front of him. His eyes widen in anticipation while you opened them, revealing a well plated pork cutlet and a healthy salad in the other lunch box.

“I have! I learnt a few new things during class, and I wanted you to be the first to eat my cooking. I hope you like them!” He smiles at you, flattered that he was the first thing on your mind when you made the meal. He always loved your cooking.

The both of you met when you were first years, he was just roaming the halls familiarizing himself with the school layout when he heard you squealing inside a room and helped you put out a small fire that you accidentally created while you stayed behind in the Economics Room to relearn the basics taught to you that day. So, he stayed with you until the end so that you won't set the whole room on fire this time, and as thanks you gave the meal you completed to him afterwards. As he tasted it, threw it back up when he tasted how salty it was, so you resolved yourself that you'd make a decent meal for him, and that's where your friendship to relationship started.

“Wow! You've really outdone yourself this time!” He yells with stars in his eyes, savoring each bite.

You laughed at him and pushed the salad closer to him, and said, “You can eat all of it. It's all for you!”

“Really? Thanks a lot! It's so great to have you as my girlfriend!”

-=-=-=-

“Yuta?” you asked with wide eyes as you eyed the knife in his hand that was pointed at you.

“I-I can't take it anymore. I don't want to eat any food you make for me anymore, it’s disgusting. I don’t want to eat humans! I hate it, I hate it, I HATE YOU!” He screamed lunging at you.

He pushes the knife to your stomach, a few moments later you feel the metallic taste in your throat, letting the liquid drop from your tongue as you took has face that held great remorse for you. You smiled at the pretty expression on his face and rubbed your thumb on his cheeks, smearing it with your own blood.

"How pretty. I love all the expressions you make. Do it more," you coughed out.

His expression changes from fear to disgust and anger. Vengefully, he takes your wrists binding them together in his forceful grip and continues to stab you until you died from the pain and blood loss. However, despite your body tensing and losing color on you face, he never stopped. After his knife slipped out of his hands from your blood, he threw himself at you and bit into your neck.

Devouring you. Bit by bit.

---

You've been aimlessly roaming around hell and chopping sinners with your cleaver that were dumb enough to pick a fight with you. At the moment, you sat on top of a building waiting for something to happen while eating an beefy arm starting from the shoulder.

While you were gnawing at it with a blank expression on your face. You were surprised when a massive green explosion appeared out of nowhere, inducing a few screams of terror.

Just a couple blocks in front of you, you see a giant red deer demon with black tentacles coming out his back as he crushed sinners in his hands and consuming them.

You immediately dropped the arm you were holding and watched as the overlord showed off his power against you, sinners. Unable to hold yourself, you followed his parade of chaos and squeaked when he appears behind you wiping his mouth with a napkin.

"How rude of you to follow me around, while I was playing with my meal," he remarks with a snarky tone.

You got distracted with his voice. How could someone be so seductive with a radio filter on, you ask yourself.

"It's also rude to stare, you know?" He adds, starting to get pissed off by how unresponsive you were as you just kept gawking at him.

"I was just admiring how powerful you were, sir! I've never seen a demon turn into that kind of form. I-I was enchanted!" You yelled at him, hands clasped together while fan-girling at his abilities with hearts in your eyes.

"My, I've never seen such behavior from a person such as you. Are you eager to be eaten?" He laughs before his eyes turning black leaving his red pupils and radio dial iris.

"Yes! I would be happy to!" You answered almost immediately, making him revert to his normal self, getting caught off guard with your reply.

He hums turning his head in confusion and irritation, “Well, that just won’t do. I only like it when my prey gets scared rather than having a sacrifice like you.”

He tries to ride away in his shadow but before he could do so, he halts in his steps when you step in front of him. “Please! I’ll act scared! I’ll do anything! I just want to be with you!” you cried dropping to the floor pathetically making him deadpan to the sight.

He huffs, and turns his back at you, “Hmm. Do what you wish.”

With that, you stayed and served Alastor for years. You’ve arranged deals for him, did his bidding on some occasions and even represented him a few times in meetings. However, your main occupation was his personal chef.

Sure, one could argue that he likes his meats raw and cooks for himself sometimes. But do you expect that man to cook every meal for himself for a nearly a century? Overlords don’t have that much free time, you know? (or at least that what Sir Alastor says) and you happily take on this task when he discovers that you were an excellent chef, living up to his own impossible standards.

However, you find yourself in a very peculiar situation.

“(y/n)? Is it really you?”

You’ve come face to face with your first love and your killer. You couldn’t help but leap up from you position and hug him while he did his best to get away from you.

“Yuta! You’re finally in here! I knew you’d come to find me, hehe,” you cried still hugging him while he struggled in your mighty grip. “I’ve been waiting for you, y’know?” you said to him with your eyes darkening at him giving him the familiar dangerous look in your eye making him tense up and unconsciously threw you across the room with his strength.

You didn’t hit the impact when Alastor raised his arms and caught you before placing you on your feet, ignoring your heart-eyes as usual.

“And who is this with you?” he asks the group, almost sneering at the new man.

“This is Yuta! He’s our new guest! We found him in Cannibal Town, and he asked us where we were, he’s now he's here!” Charlie introduces excitedly holding Yuta by the shoulder.

“Ooh, is he a bad boy?” Nifty asks looking flirtatiously.

“Why, of course! He’s the one that killed me after all!” I announced with a smile. “Isn’t that right, dear?”

He rolls his eyes and says to Charlie, “I’ll be fine anywhere as long as I don’t get involved with her. I’ll find a room myself.”

You all watch as he shows himself to one of the rooms while Charlie replies, “Uhh, ookayyy?”

“So, what’s with you and that guy?” Angel first asks, “There’s a lot of sexual and… psychological tension there.”

“Yeah, and what do you mean he killed you?” Vaggie continues, while all of them looked at you.

“Oh, you know, couple fights. One thing led to another and poof, I was gone,” you explained simply with a laugh, making Nifty laugh as well.

“So, you two dated?” Angel asked in surprise.

“Exactly, why?” I smiled at him.

“Uhh, sure. He just looks like a boy failure to me. How the fuck could he bag a hottie like you!” Angel laughs throwing his head back.

"What a crazy bitch," Husk comments blankly looking at you before peeking at Alastor's annoyed face making him raise his long brow.

You tilt you head to the side confused, before Charlie would come in and say that she’d explain it to you.

A few weeks gone by, and you didn’t stop pestering your ex with things he hated when you couldn’t get enough of the expressions on his face. You loved seeing him get so angry with you, you just loved getting on his nerve. Or it could be some fucked up enjoyment of how you remembered being eaten by him half dead that sent chills to your body every time.

“That’s it! I’ve had enough of your shit!” he yells bursting in flames.

“Oh, what? Cat got your tongue baby boy?” you teased him hands behind your back trying to annoy him.

“Oh, fuck you!” he screams as he runs forward at you trying to land a punch which you jump away from effortlessly.

He eventually tires himself out and sees you giving the deer demon googly eyes that ticks him off. He loads up a fire blast and shoots it at Alastor. You intercepted it in between not noticing him following behind it and takes hold of you neck choking you.

“Not bad,” you wheeze out with a wicked grin, setting him off and squeezing your neck tighter.

He fails to notice the black portal underneath him where a black tentacle reaches out to his ankle and wraps around his body, making him let go off you.

“I’d rather you not mess with my property if I were you,” Alastor announces menacingly as he had you in his arms. You feel starstruck as you were being princess carried and being defended by the one you admired. “I don’t like sharing, so this is my last warning for both of you to not get involved with each other.”

“Yes, sir! Anything for you!” you scream your heart out that felt like it was beginning to burst out of your chest and leap in your throat, while you give him heart eyes that he ignored, while he brought both of you to his chambers.

"Are you finally going to eat me, Sir Alastor?"

"Shut your mouth before I stitch it up for you."

"Yes, sir! I love you! 💕"

[mikachacha]

𝙵𝚊𝚗𝚝𝚊𝚜𝚒𝚣𝚎 (𝙱𝚊𝚍𝚊 𝙻𝚎𝚎 𝚡 𝚁𝚎𝚊𝚍𝚎𝚛)

Synopsis: Bada just couldn't resist after seeing you dance and makes you scream out her name in all the ways she knows how

Warnings: smut. shameless smut. little to no plot. Nsfw so mdni. Please im begging u

(A/N: soooo we're back with these things and we're gonna start 2024 right. Also this is based on the request I got from last year. This is the filthiest story i've ever done 🫠🫠)

╔══ ≪ °❈° ≫ ══╗

Fantasize

╚══ ≪ °❈° ≫ ══╝

💧💧💧💧💧💧💧💧💧💧💧💧💧💧💧💧💧💧💧💧💧💧

"Oh hey baby! Perfect that you're home right now because.. There's something I wanna do with you." Bada could feel her cheeks heat up as she just came home and the moment she stepped inside the kitchen, she saw you sitting on the counter, dressed in one of those oversized coats with just lingerie underneath and those sexy, sparkly boots that she bought for you on Christmas.

"Oh yeah? And what's that something my pretty baby wants to do?" Bada asks, smirking as you get off the counter and walk towards her. She placed her arm around your waist and pulled you closer to her, an action that made you chuckle and place a soft kiss on her lips.

"Oh you'll find out soon enough, darling. How about you head to the bedroom now and get comfy as you will witness a show fitting for a new year." you told her and Bada could feel her heart racing with excitement at the mention of 'show' since she knows it could mean only one thing.

She headed straight to your shared bedroom and sat on the bed after changing into fresher clothes. She almost jumped when the lights in the room were briefly turned off but then a dim, purple light emitted from the string lights the both of you had installed months prior after moving in together.

"Oh? So you are planning something grand.. I should have expected this." Bada chuckles as you finally showed up. You motioned for her to sit on the chair that you placed in the bedroom earlier and she sat there without complaint. You gave her a cute little smile before setting up your phone to the speaker so you can give Bada this new year gift that you specially crafted for her.

The song began playing and you began giving Bada a lap dance and some strip tease but you made sure that you don't spoil her too much before you could even reach the best part. You could see the excitement and lust in your girlfriend's eyes and you're pretty sure about what's gonna happen once you're done and you've pretty much said, 'fuck it' because you know too well it's gonna be worth it.

When the chorus came, Bada was pretty sure that she just passed away and went to heaven as you stripped all your remaining clothes while dancing on her lap. It was hypnotizing, the way your body moved to the music, the way you were singing along to it, it just awakened something feral deep inside her that she didn't even let you finish the whole routine when she just grabbed you by your hair and kissed you on the lips. It was hot, messy and just full of lust. She didn't pull away until you were both breathless.

"Now you've done it, pretty girl.. Naughty girls like you should be fucked hard and good until those lips could only scream out my name as I make you cum over and over again.." Bada whispered to your ear and just those words sent shivers down your spine and dampness between your legs.

Bada didn't even give you a chance to think of a witty remark as she unceremoniously carried you to the bed and tossed you like you're a stuffed toy. You shoot her a glare and she just smirks as she gets on top of you, pinning your wrists above your head as she claims your lips once more. When she feels that your lips have received enough attention, her kisses begin moving south to your jaw and neck where she placed not so few marks on the otherwise flawless skin.

You were moaning and writhing beneath her at that point. You just want to feel her lips all over your body and her fingers moving in and out of you, preparing you for the good fucking you know you're gonna get. Sensing your impatience, Bada let go of your wrists and held out two fingers in front of you. You could feel your cheeks burning still even though you've done this multiple times already. You shyly took those fingers in your mouth and began to suckle on them, making sure to get them wet enough for what's about to come even though you're pretty sure it wasn't that necessary from how wet you already are.

While Bada got you busy with her fingers, her mouth was busy toying and teasing your nipples, loving how you'd moan against her fingers or try to close your legs but couldn't since she was situated in between. The way your eyes would shut tightly as your back slightly arched whenever her tongue would lick those sensitive buds. She loves seeing you in such a state knowing that she's the reason behind it.

She pulls her fingers out of your mouth and lightly grazes it against your heated skin, going south until it finally reaches between your legs. You felt yourself shiver and you could swear that you blacked out for a second as she worked her fingers inside you while her thumb rubbed circles against your clit. It felt like heaven and hell at the same time.

"Bada, please.." you gasped out and she looked at you, grinning like the devil as her name rolled off your lips with such desperation as you were nearing that sweet, sweet release. Without saying a word, Bada adjusted herself until her head was in level with your crotch. She temporarily pulled her fingers out of you that got you whining so she can place your legs on her shoulders and without a warning, Bada ate you out like she has been starved for weeks and your pussy is her first meal.

Loud moans and whines escape your lips, you couldn't think straight. Your knuckles are turning white from how hard you're just gripping the sheets beneath you. You don't know if you want to push Bada's head away or lock her head between your legs as she continues to have her way. It all soon became too much, your body trembling as you felt waves of pleasure through your veins as your orgasm finally hit. Bada lets you come down from your high before pulling away and sitting up, licking her lips with a smug smirk on her lips.

"Thanks for the meal, baby." she teases and you just shoot her a look as you sit up as well. It was your turn to please her to which you did. You help her undress and worship her, placing kisses on the spots that get her hot and bothered then proceed to eat her out like her pussy's the most scrumptious meal you have ever received in your whole life.

Bada could only moan and grip your hair as she was getting close. It was such a turn on seeing you between her legs with those sparkly boots still on and eating her out like a feast. She could already think of how much she's gonna fuck you until the only thing that comes out of your mouth is her name and loud moans from the pleasure she's gonna give to you.

It didn't take long for Bada to cum and she immediately tells you to lie down on your back as she retrieves the strap on from the drawer and some lube as well. You obediently did what you were told and waited for her to finish your preparations, anticipation already building as you're now entering the main event.

"I'm gonna go slow, yeah? Just tell me when you want me to go faster.." Bada says and you nodded your head, holding on to her free hand while the other was guiding the strap on to your hole. You flinched a bit from how cold the lube felt on initial contact but Bada's thumb has found your clit again, rubbing circles and distracting you that you didn't even notice that she was already fully inside.

True to her words, Bada went slow and steady for you to get used to the feeling. She'd give you kisses, whisper sweet nothing to your ear until you finally told her to go faster and harder to which she complied.

"Fuck! Right there.. Oh shit.. Yes, right there Bada please!" you moaned out loudly as she kept hitting your spot. Bada grabbed one of your legs and put it over her shoulder and began to pound you so hard that you could swear you can see stars and angels, among other things behind your eyes from how good it felt. You were babbling, you were begging, your brain couldn't form any coherent thought except for that hot white pleasure seeping into every fiber of your being. You could feel your orgasm closing in until you couldn't hold it in any longer, her name escaping your lips along with moans as your orgasm crashed into you.

"Feel good, baby?" Bada asks as you calmed down a little and you could only nod. You're breathless and you feel like you're floating in cloud nine as you came twice already.

"Yeah.. Feels so good.." you replied and she places a kiss on your forehead before pulling out. You thought she was done but you were dead wrong. Bada flipped you on your stomach, holding you up by the waist as she entered you once more from behind. Your eyes rolled back as she began fucking you from behind. It felt so good that you don't know what to do other than just grip the sheets and moan out your girlfriend's name. It was wild, it was hot and definitely the best fuck you've ever had with her pulling your hair and sometimes smacking your buttocks as she rails you hard from behind.

You don't know how much time has passed or how many times you came that night. It all felt like a blur that when Bada was finally done with you, you only drank some water and fell asleep immediately with a tired yet satisfied smile on your lips. Bada couldn't help but smile as well as she cleans you up and dresses you in comfortable clothes before finally tucking you in with a kiss on you head.

"I love you, Y/N. So much.." she whispers as she soon falls into a deep slumber, holding you in her arms.

[littledigits]

What is your take on the current animation industry and the way its heading for AI and job hiring? Ngl its looking a little bleak and I would love to hear your insight!

HOO. This is going to be a long one, but good question. Please keep in mind I am but one person with my one opinion.

I'm going to give you a little context to what was leading up to the job bust, the shit reality, and the hopeful conclusion.

Its always been a completive industry and unfortunately it will more-so for the next little while, even compared to when I graduated. The reality is, the animation industry GREW SO MUCH over the streaming services greenlighting projects to a point where I was like . WHERE ARE ALL THESE CARTOONS GOING. It felt like we went from nothing to a ton and was amazing that so much work was going around (looking back we see why it was too good to be true) A lot of schools and studios responded to this by growing as well. This means while it may recover, I dont see a way that it could reach the highs we had in the 2015-2021 period - because that wasn't representative of a sustainable model or a model they were planning on sticking with forever.

So the streaming bubble popped, and a lot of the reason why it popped was because streaming wasn't as lucrative when everyone joins in. This is the reality of working under the umbrella of Hollywood companies. Mergers happened, projects got pulled - and it probably wouldn't have seemed as big if we didn't have THE MOST JOBS EVER like, just a year before. It was a big rug pull. With the huge growth came a steep fall and all of it because of bad investments and choices of the people with the money. aka, we all wanted to chase someone elses idea thats making money for them and it didnt pay off - which leads me to AI.

While AI is scary and will do/is doing damage, it will not last forever. The industry only looks like its heading this way because the people who like AI are desperate to make it work, so they're pushing at it from all angles despite no AI company being profitable. ( once companies see that its not going to make them money they will drop it ) Its really nothing but a glorified pattern and predictive text machine that of course looks impressive when you feed it oodles of data. People who live on linked in and drink management courses like its water think that sort of shit is impressive, but they dont actually know how it works and just buy into the tech industry hype cycle . What we're seeing is them trying to make fetch happen, and it wont. (some useful bits will stay around but it doesnt 'think', a lot of this is just pure fakery)

You can trace a lot of things that lost jobs to bad investments from people higher up, who just jump around to different jobs when they make a mistake, or just simply get a bonus.

Its a symptom of the greater issue which is the monopoly of people in media and tech, which have been merging over the years with digital streaming. Lack of regulation in industries since the 80s has lead to a lot of the shit you see all around you, and it starts to be controlled by people who only want numbers goup. Overall , I think the animation industry in north America is entirely too controlled by the major studios and broadcasters, and that's going to be a tricky thing to navigate since they're very mask off about what their intentions are at this point. Its a growth-at-all-cost mindset that leads to things like AI, so while im confidant that what we see as 'ai' will die , we do have to realize as artists that as long as these people are in charge they will always try to find a way to cut the bottom line and not invest in the industry.

Its totally reasonable to feel bleak, but that's the intent. They want people to have to settle for less, and they want them to forget a time that it was better. Demoralization is part of the tactics, and 'starving' people out of jobs so they're easier to negotiate with is extremely common and pretty much what is happening right now. And this is exactly why you're seeing more union push from lots of industries because we're ALL being taken advantage of here. While it feels hopeless, this actually puts us much more in line with the artists and storytellers before us. They were up against the same people fighting the same fight, they were just called communists haha. Different words, same tactics, but the history of moments like this in the entertainment industry is more common then the shiny package we tend to grow up idolizing . ( its good to admire but we do often put these products up on a pedestal to our detriment )

The industry will survive, and it will change into something different which is GOOD. Because what it is right now, while workable and still full of things I enjoy - is NOT sustainable. And if we want to keep the skills of 2d animation, stop motion or any sort of creative trade to continue, we NEED sustainability. This is why collective action is so important, and so is diversity in the amounts of media we have! For example

YOUTUBE INDIE ANIMATION IS KICKING BROADCASTERS ASSES RIGHT NOW AND THEY NOTICE IT.

And while there are ups and downs regardless if you work in a small studio or a large one, I am hopeful that the conversations I've been seeing will spark change. Because as sucky as it is , compared to the rest of my time in the industry ( i think im on like 16 or 17 years now ) , I've never seen so much engagement or even discussion on the topic which says a lot. I think as artists we are always up for putting a lot of hard work into our skills, I think if enough of us point that passion into our community and collective action, we can start building an industry that does not have such a power imbalance, and that starts with community, education and engagement ! ( learning about the history of unions/animation/hollywood/workers rights,and then sharing that stuff! just through convo like this !) I hope this gives you some perspective, its something we're going to have to work at, but not something that is impossible. A lot of how the animation industry functions is not great, but what matters is that we work to make it better and the people who HAVE been doing that work are the ones that you want to find. They are the people with the proactive solutions to show you how to take power back. It helps fight the bleak feeling <3 tldr :

the solution is that as much as it sucks we try to make it better for those who come after us - and you can be involved in that job or not ! even just by supporting or being aware. This isnt animation is all careers, we're all effected by the same thing.

never forget.

[natsmagi]

in light of an anon sending me 2 asks wishing me pain/death (although not the most serious in tone) only to then follow it up with an immediate apology saying "i didnt mean it i love your art so much please dont die" im deciding to just revoke yalls anonymous privileges because clearly you people are just too comfortable saying whatever the fuck you feel like without ever stopping to think for a second. and like ive mentioned; im not one that cares for death threats. but for you to just throw this shit at someone only to immediately apologize and take it back? what happened to thinking before we act? have we truly reached a point where we're so online-brained we've forgotten theres actual consequences for our actions? if youre comfortable enough to send someone you dont know death threats that you dont even mean i expect you to be comfortable saying that same thing with your name attached to it. this is just getting annoying to deal with

[zeephyre]

CRITICAL ROLE CAMPAIGN 3 EPISODE 85 SPOILERS

IM LITERALLY ABOUT TO LOSE MY MIND YALL

Where do I even ??? start ???

I haven't been posting c3 as the episodes dropped in...a while actually, like right before they went to the feywild. i have many thoughts and many feelings about so many things that have happened since then and I'll summarise them so I can get to THIS episode.

fearne and ashton - love their shard powers, they're literally royalty and terrifying, and i want them to make-out. i can't wait to see them go full primordial again in a real combat situation.

imogen - save her. literally save her. free her, even. i love everything about the call of ruidus when it comes to imogen on a narrative standpoint, but...God I get so worried that we're gonna lose her. I don't mean she's gonna betray the hells, but...ruidus could take her and then i would simply perish.

laudna - before i really get into wtf went down this episode with her and she who must not be named, i gotta say... im worried. very very worried. however, that fireball was objectively the best shit ever.

fcg - i can't even really remember anything stand out abt fcg except what Sam pulled last night so.

chetney - still the heart of the team, still my baby girl, still my favourite. love him to bits.

orym - i think laudna is going to beat his ass one of these days and im... even more concerned about that after this episode. his nana morri powers are cool as fuck tho... does that make him a warlock now? i know he isn't multi-classing but wouldn't that be cool

ANYWAY WE'RE ON THE FUCKING MOON AND WE GOT MOON LORE AND EVERYTHING WAS SHITTY THEN FUN THEN SHITTY THEN FUN AGAIN THEN REALLY FUCKING SAD THEN IT ALL WENT TO SHIT AGAIN.

the moment imogen reached out to ruidus and matt mentioned that she could sense where other ruidusborn were i fucking knew that otohan was high tailing it in their direction, and i thought they instinctively knew that too but they probably got so distracted.

we were travelling for hours and had a huge fight that almost got them captured (not to be confused with the OTHER two fights that almost got them captured) and I was begging and screaming and crying for them to get a long rest safely hidden away AND THEN THEY SPLIT THE PARTY WITH BARELY ANY SPELL SLOTS OR HIT POINTS AFTER BEING DRAINED FROM ANOTHER BATTLE WHAT IS WRONG WITH THEM

(Sidenote, the willmaster really opened up the door to the further increase in moral pondering in a certain number of hellians. i do think using the harness is disgusting and hypocritical, but i don't condemn them for it, it just...makes me wanna vomit thinking abt what ludinus did with it. not to mention the HUNGER parallels between laudna and ludinus...its just not good yall. also??? objectively funny that fcg seemed weirded out by the idea of killing the willmaster, not just with the harness but in general, considering how many people they've killed up to this point)

idk if its just the inherent terror that an evil old hot lady can inspire that makes otohan so much more terrifying to me than ludinus. like, objectively, ludinus is a worse threat and could wipe them out EASILY but jesus otohan is like the damn reaper to me. it's the trauma from the laudna, fearne, orym massacre mixed with the underlying little drop from their uthodurn romp that let us know that resurrection spells are NOT working and idk if that got fixed bc of time passing or distance from the leylines but i really did not want to test that shit out in real time

thank...god that sam riegel is a damn genius player, that banishment of fcg and fearne was the ONLY reason fcg survived. and thank GOD FOR KEYLETH BECAUSE WITHOUT THAT CLOUD SPELL BELLS HELLS WOULD BE VERY VERY VERY VERY VERY DEAD RN.

God, "otohan has us. run." is going to haunt me just as much, if not more than the almost tpk. it just...shot me straight back to bassuras and the plan to run that just...immediately fell apart.

god fcg truly could have died there. and fearne would be captured. i know the hells would be too stupid and too brave and too loyal to leave fearne with otohan in their cloud form but can you imagine a world where fcg was gone, fearne was captured and the hells had to switch from recon to rescue... itd be stressful but pretty fun.

thankfully it didn't come to that and some good came from the shit.

ruidus is so beautiful. i was worried they'd end being trapped under ruidus while they explored (not that I wasn't on board with the detours, I wish this wasn't a time sensitive mission), but matt's imagery of the fossilized elven structure and garden made me sad but also happy that we got to see it.

i cannot believe that the stupid plan to shove fearne up a water hole happened AGAIN and it ended up with us FINDING A BACK HOLE TO RUIDUS GOD I LOVE THESE CHUCKLEFUCKS WHEN IS THE NEXT EPISODE MATT YOU CANNOT DO THIS TO ME. WHERE EVEN ARE THEY??? IS IT EVEN EXANDRIA???? WHAT DO WE DO IF IT IS EXANDRIA??? WHERE DID THIS HOLE EVEN COME FROM???? DOES IT CLOSE AND REOPEN??? IS IT STAGNANT?????? IS IT FUCKING STABLE?!?!?!?!?!

God...we could go back to keyleth and the others and actually invade ruidus without encountering the ruby vanguard. (that's if they're alright because otohan did go out onto the battlefield and we don't know what fhe fuck she did when the illusion fell through)

GOD. IS IT THURSDAY YET??? WE HAVENT EVEN FOUND THE RESISTANCE????

[cloudcountry]

i have too many mutuals to tag so yk. i cant tag all of you guys, all i can do is hope that you all see this and know how much i care about you.

when i arrived here on tumblr i wasn't expecting much, it seemed to me like everyone had their friend groups already, and i felt like the odd one out. even though i spent those first few days posting my writing and figuring out how to format things, i still felt like an outsider looking in. it didn't feel like i was really participating.

and honestly, i'm not sure when it started. i'm not sure when being here began to feel like a home away from home, like a space on the internet that was my own and that i could shape however i wanted. i'm not sure when it occurred to me that you guys had a hand in shaping it, too. you showed me the characters you loved and the things that reminded you of me, you placed them on my blog like paintings in a museum, for me to look back on whenever the nostalgic urge hit me. you actively tried to get to know me and form connections with me, even if i scared some of you (which im 100% certain i did.) thank you for taking courage to talk to me, i'm thankful for all of you.

there was a point when i was scared too. it was really hard for me to reach out to people myself but i ended up doing so anyway. (raptor, rinna, and sippy, thank you for welcoming me so warmly. i haven't forgotten it.) i know my blog blew up really quickly, given how much content i was posting at the time, but at the end of the day i still don't like thinking of myself as someone famous or a super recognizable blog in the twst fandom. because at the end of the day, i was just someone doing what they loved.

i'm glad i was given the opportunity to start writing when i was young. i'm glad i kept at it, and i'm glad i shared so many stories with my friends on the playground. i'm glad i honed my writing all throughout school, and i'm glad i still practice today. because if i hadn't picked up the pencil to write that first fanfiction of mine, none of this ever would have happened. and i hated writing as a child, so that could have happened. there's probably another timeline where that did, but we aren't here to talk about that hypothetical auburn.

we're here to talk about me and you guys, because you've given me the precious gift of your time. you've invited me into your lives and let me be a part of them, even if it is only through the screen. you've thought about me while going about your day, and i have thought about all of you. we are connected, in this universe where there was every possibility that we never would have met, and i think that's beautiful. i will forever be grateful that my love for writing can make people smile, that it can make them laugh and cry and scream. i will forever be grateful for the gift to make others feel, and for you all for sharing that with me.

thank you. even if you aren't a mutual, your support has touched me. thank you for reading what i create, thank you for commenting your thoughts, thank you for talking to me and engaging in the fandom community. i hope every single one of you has a wonderful 2024, and that we can make each other happier and keep pushing towards our individual goals with each passing day.

[eulchu]

ok guys. let's have a real talk. let's ALL have a real talk and i don't mean just me and my anons . i hope this reaches all of our community even if you think i fucking suck.

fucking october didn't ruin us but i am so worried that this dumb tension just might. this is getting so ridiculous and out of hand -i barely understand what's going on myself. so im gonna need everyone to work together and do a collective reflection exercise.

i am gonna write out a series of points that i need u guys to think about before proceeding in this community:

- active blogs. you're burnt out. you're burnt out and you're so tired of trying to keep this community running that you're denying yourself a moment to feel your own frustrations as your own individual person. i get that . i get being under so much pressure that you can't catch yourself some slack, least you spiral out of control <- this is, however, really damn unhealthy 😭 it's ok to let yourself feel some disappointment!! some anger!! that's fine. it's up to you, however, what you do with it. this brings us to our next point.

- we NEED to acknowledge this if we wanna get better. ifl it's taboo and we're pushing the narrative so hard we're not giving ourselves enough space to breathe. it. is. okay. to. feel. disappointed. over. the. lack. of. dteam. content. i am the first person to shut down any self entilted prick who thinks they can expect something out of them. because they DON'T owe us anything. but truth is we are humans and, accordingly so, feel in consequence of our own expectations. i wanna break this part down in a few points:

it is OKAY to acknowledge that we are disappointed. denying one self's feelings never ended up ok for anyone. it is okay to acknowledge that we are not getting the content we were hoping for.

it is NOT okay to blame the dteam for it. this is where it gets tricky. the dteam are in charge of what type of content they put out. it will never be in our hands. at that point, if you don't like what they're doing. leave. i'm sorry. it's harsh. i'm not trying to be mean about it. i'd understand if you left! it's ok!

- before you leave, though, i want to ask you a question. why do dislike what they're doing so much? seriously, ask yourself that question. is the content that bad, in your eyes? if the answer is yes, i can't help you there. you've grown out of their content. there's no way around it.

- but is it actually bad, or is it just Not What You Expected? In which case, let's talk. Let's put things bluntly:

the dteam have waited years to be together. correct

upon living together, we have discovered that they are not very good at providing content because they put their friendship above content. i'm not sure if anyone had that in their bingo cards - but it's what happened. autumn was really rough on them & they've learnt to exist together off camera. me personally, i think it's sweet.

dteam and traveling: a fall out? :o . no. jesus christ 😭 the fact that this is the new narrative nauseates me. i don't think anyone in their right mind thinks that dteam are less close than they were when they were living apart.

Bringing back our initial point, the failure to meet our expectations can be mentally challenging. it will inevitably make us second guess a lot of associated ideas that we thought were true . if one of our expectations fails to be met, that's a fail in our mental plan. if we were wrong about this, who's to say we are right about anything else?

i'm not sure if there's some sort of denial of feelings here or if people are trying really hard not to think about this possibility because it makes them scared. i am inviting you to take a moment to really think about it and feel the initial dread of the question. it will pass fairly quickly.

the truth is that the dteam is FINE. they're fine, they share a house, they film videos together, and they go on these long ass hiatus when they're together because they would much rather spend uncesored time off-line.

my favorite point: for how parasocial we are, we don't give them nearly enough credit. the dteam are adult men. we have to put faith in their decisions. only they know what they're doing. they know what's best for them. we certainly don't.

- i wanna rescue this last point. their decisions are THEIRS. if we don't put trust in what they're doing, we're already failing the game. that means who they hang out with too. i get not liking someone ok? i get it. i don't like a lot of people either. no one is pointing a gun to any of their heads. if you think that any of them is doing something that you don't see fit you have problems and you need to grow up. it is not our place to dictate their lives and it will never be. that goes for the white-knighting too.

⚠️(this is a completely hypothetical scenario)⚠️

the truth is if tomorrow george decides to go back to the uk, for whatever reason. we would all have to fucking shut it. fan disappointment? yes. acting like george is an awful person for betraying his best friends? you're out of your fucking mind.

dream george and sapnap are grown up people with a strong friendship and communication skills. if you think that george would take the unilateral decision and not tell anyone until the day before you need to seek help. whatever decision the dteam take about their lives it's THEIRS and you need to put some fawking faith in what they're doing. they know what's up.

that goes for the fucking karl problem too okay? i don't like it either. whatever. it's not my place though?? dream isn't a baby who's been abandoned he's a grown ass man who knows what he's doing and if he still considers (if they ALL do) karl his friend that's his decision. if he thinks that karl's friendship management is fine that's his decision. we are not dream's friends nor his fucking therapist.

- the thing about dooming and content. the multishippers: is the dteam all there really is? i firmly believe that we all kove the dteam outside of each other. (mostly tackled in this post)

- dnf and the fandom. jesus christ i can't believe i have to make a point about this. i think it's important to remember that at the end of the day. it's just Not That Serious. it was never meant to be that serious. bringing back the "they're their own people" point, what the Fuck do some people think they're doing 🧍‍♂️

dnf know what they're doing they know the nature of their relationship better than we ever will. if they're just friends it's because they chose to if they . in the biggest plot of the century . come out of this with a s/o it doesn't mean they're cheating on each other, that dream/george was leading anyone on or that they're hurting each other???? are you CRAZY 😭 if they're dating they're dating if they're not they're fucking not but they're. not gonna be sad about it??? they're adult people in an adult relationship they know what tf they're doing. they hold each other's hearts impossibility close to themselves. there's nothing they would ever do that could hurt each other.

to wrap things up: after this reddit worthy post (congrats if you've made it to the end) i have something very important to ask of you guys.

i know it might be unfair but can we all compromise on detoxxing. completely. for like, a week. not posting neg at ALL. we can't enable doomers we can't enable bait anons. neg is only good for one thing: make anxious people paranoid as fuck.

so can we. for like a week. just not post anything /neg at all. can we block the worst of it. the unnecessary dooming. and not acknowledge at ALL. i get it's a huge mental toll on the active blogs - reading so much negativity SUCKS but i do believe that it's a better option than responding and enabling more people to send similar asks.

me personally, i am already saying it here: any dooming will get blocked in my askbox. i won't hate you for it. but this IS a warning that you need to get your shit together if you ever wanna have a chance at speaking in my askbox ever again.

um congrats if you read everything?😭 PLEAAAASE let's all make this place a better place again i know we can do it

U CAN ADD TO THIS POST IF YOU HAVE SOMETHING TO SAY BTW !!!

[townofcadence]

I'm really grateful for the people who've made this space feel so amazing and fun to be a part of. Who've interacted and reach out and talk to me and make me feel like they want me around.

For a while when I first got back on tumblr, it was really hard; I had a few people who interacted with me before follow me to this OC blog, but I was pretty much starting fresh. I struggle a lot with my depression and anxiety and even just the usual insecurities, on top of a handful of other chronic health illnesses that make things really hard and painful in general. And for a long while, I was fighting the constant impulse to stop bothering and just leave tumblr again. It wasn't anyone's fault, mind you! I was just painfully lonely and struggling to feel connected or interesting enough or a good enough writer. When I started out, I had many interactions die very quickly without a word after a reply or two, both ooc and ic. All of that is fine to a degree, because tumblr isn't life, it's a hobby, and i totally get things like neurodivergence, exhaustion, forgetfulness, health, work, or anything else that really can impact being available and interaction! But the volume of times it happened was enough I started wondering if it was me, because there was a pattern that was widespread. I thought maybe I was doing something wrong. That maybe there was a reason, and maybe I wasn't worth talking to or playing with? I know I can come on strong, and be very overaffectionate, which doesn't always resonate with people, or might be too much and offputting. Which isn't indicative of anyone. But it's another way I sometimes can be a problem. So my brain started using my bullshit mental health against me. I did really start getting in my own head and letting the worries kinda eat at me to the point of feeling like vanishing wouldn't change anything at all. The worries are still there of course, but I feel like I have made some changes for my health, and quite a few friends and connections, and that make it easier not to listen to them. I feel a lot more connected! There's more back and forth. I have so many two way streets, which I really do think is where friendships get made, because I feel like people want to talk to me as much as I do them. I can reply to things and have a short talk, or we can chatter in rp tags, or even in IMs and stuff! And I separated from the spaces that made me feel I didn't belong, or stopped putting my energy where it wasn't valued, since I already have such a limited supply. I've also made some changes in real life that haven't fixed things for me, but have helped me improve in incremental ways and I think that's helping too. But honestly, I love seeing others on my dash and sending them things, and learning about their muses, and I love that people seem interested in mine too. I can have extensive conversations with a a lot of you at our own leisure. I feel like people at least want to write with me, even if I still don't always like the quality of my responses or think they're the best they could be. But we're still writing and making stories and even if not every reply is perfect, the important thing is we get to build those connections and have those moments that become a part of our muses history together! I love seeing them become friends or fight or bond in all the ways they do! I love getting to see everyone's creativity and the amazing things they make! I'm kinda just rambling to ramble, but the people here mean a lot to me and I just-- I'm here because of you guys, and I'm happy I am, and I care you very very much. I love you! And you have made me being here a very joyful thing that I look forward to each and every day! Each and every reply!! Thank you so much <3

[away-ward]

im sorry for this rant KO, but why on earth is the bonus content for nightfall is the start of the horsemen? Like omfg. I really dont need it to exist because i like the mystery of them. Why can't we just have a willemmy bonus 😭 i'm so fucking upset. I initially wanted to pre-order the paperback but thinking about that whole alex drama in BC, i didn't, thank the lord for that! But i was still hoping for a willemmy bonus or maybe a will or emmy's back story, but we're getting to see Damon, A-FUCKING-GAIN? How many fucking bonus do we have to see him??! Fuck, i'm so upset, idk who to rant this with because i don't talk about this series to anybody irl.

Excerpt from PD's insta:

DAMON GRABS HIS JACKET OFF THE COURT AND PULLS IT ON AS HE LEAVES.

"YOU OKAY?" MICHAEL ASKS KAI.

BUT KAI JUST GESTURES TO DAMON WHO PUSHES THROUGH THE HEAVY DOUBLE DOORS. "I TOLD YOU, MAN," HE BLURTS OUT TO MICHAEL. "HE'S TROUBLE."

"NO," MICHAEL QUICKLY RETORTS, LOOKING IN THE DIRECTION DAMON LEFT. "HE'S AN ENFORCER, KAI."

HIS FRIEND STARES AT HIM.

"AND EVERY TEAM NEEDS ONE," MICHAEL ADDS, DROPPING THE BASKETBALL INTO KAI'S HANDS. "TELL THE COACH I'LL BE RIGHT BACK."

end-

🥲 ngl, i'm so sick of damon's appearance, at this point not only his character wasn't my fav, pd over-pushing him makes me really hate him now. "He's the enforcer" ughhhh, and when did this branding ever came up in the devil's night series? I only remember this point being discussed here on your blog of your meta about damon's character and his implicit role in their friend group and family. Istg i really never saw his role being discussed and branded like this anywhere, so the only place it could happen was in the private chat's of their pendragon fb group or between PD and their editor/most trusted beta readers. Istg the pettier side of me feels like some of PD's fb group fans saw your discussion posts here with other anons and told on PD, then they got inspired by you ideas about "his role" in the family. Which in theory, i don't see much wrong from it, but truly, where did this role establishment and branding came from? And ofc in PD's fashion, they had to rebrand Damon's role to be positive and borderline inspiring 🙄

and fuck, who cares about logic right? Definitely not PD when they kept on writing A and meaning B in their stories, but kept on being pissed off when readers understood it as A. 🤡

at this point, i'm not even excited anymore for this bonus content. I genuinely thought something good will come out of it, but with their opinion of willemmy a few weeks ago, and now with this. Idk. But I just know and fully sure now that PD just wanted to avoid the alex-aydin-will-emmy qna discussion extra materials, because they knew they fucked that one up, and many readers hated it, and so they probably want to just bury that shit and move past it. So of course, we'll never gonna get a willemmy bonus content. Ugh. I can't fault them for wanting to move on, but for someone who wnats to move on so bad and ignore the uncomfy parts of their own mistake in writing, they sure as hell is still be talking and hinting at this series from time to time especially for their most fav characters 🙄

but fr KO, it really left a sour taste in my mouth when an author behaves like this. Penelope Douglas is just so, ugh, idk. At this point ideky i'm still hoping for them to be better tbh when they've always been known to be problematic, like they're always just so disappointing. I need to detach my feelings for books i like to read with their authors, because i'm just gonna end up upset like this. But it's so hard!!! Especially when they're indies and you like some parts of the things they put out, and can't always find it anywhere else. Ughhh. i heard that series by Monty Jay was giving DN, so i might check it out, and i really hope it's better.

+ when you get a reach of the bonus materials, will you be sharing them here and share your thoughts and opinions about them? I'm a big yapper and i just wanna yap with somebody about it frfr.

Hey. Oh man, I feel your pain.

I really dont need it to exist because i like the mystery of them. Why can't we just have a willemmy bonus

Ohh, I wish I was with you on this but I’m actually excited about it. As someone who wants to understand these characters better, and who absolutely goes bonkers over character origin stories, this is right up my alley. I never expected any kind of Willemmy scene, so maybe I’m not as disappointed as I would be otherwise.

From what I heard, there are some willemmy scenes in this origin story though! So not all hope is lost (although I don’t know how it’s supposed to make sense, since I’ve also heard that this starts during their freshmen year and Emmy’s a year younger so… but whatever. I’m just happy for the moments!)

I am so sorry that this isn’t what you wanted!

Istg the pettier side of me feels like some of PD's fb group fans saw your discussion posts here with other anons and told on PD, then they got inspired by you ideas about "his role" in the family. Which in theory, i don't see much wrong from it, but truly, where did this role establishment and branding came from?

As much as this idea tickles me, the fact is that this was probably written months ago, and I only really had that discussion with in the past few weeks. More than likely, we were just picking up on something PD was implying the entire time.

But I just know and fully sure now that PD just wanted to avoid the alex-aydin-will-emmy qna discussion extra materials, because they knew they fucked that one up, and many readers hated it, and so they probably want to just bury that shit and move past it.

I’m still holding out of that pinterest board and discussion questions (though, it may be a lost cause). It just seems so stupid that they’d withhold those two things since they’re so minor compared to the bonus scene.

they sure as hell is still be talking and hinting at this series from time to time especially for their most fav characters

Coming from a writer’s perspective, it’s hard to let your favs go. Long after the other characters stop “speaking” to you, your favs come back. You still see them doing stuff. And PD is proud of the series, so of course they’re not going to bury it.

But yes, I agree that the fandom has been pretty loud about wanting some more willemmy content for some closure, and it shouldn’t be this hard to sit and think about the characters and deliver something, just to be kind to your readers and fans. I can’t say why PD is so resistant to it, but that’s for them to know.

i heard that series by Monty Jay was giving DN, so i might check it out, and i really hope it's better.

I had to look it up, and I’m assuming you’re speaking about the hollow boys? I haven’t read it, but if you do get around to it, I hope you enjoy it.

Regarding PD, I hardly ever look into the background of an author or give them a second thought. I also have never had the desire to contact an author, or do meet and greets or anything, that’s just me. So, I’ve never had the issue of needing to detach a work from an author, but I can see the struggle.

+ when you get a reach of the bonus materials, will you be sharing them here and share your thoughts and opinions about them? I'm a big yapper and i just wanna yap with somebody about it frfr.

I absolutely will share my thoughts, of course! I might do a reading react, or just a summary of my thoughts, whatever feels right. Again, I feel for your frustration and disappointment. The let down is never easy, but you'll read better books in the future. This isn't the last of it for you. So look forward to finding your next favorite read.

-KO

[starheirxero]

XEROXEROXEROXEROXEROXEROXERO!!!!!

IT'S HAPPENING- THE STORM IS SLOWLY BREWING-

AND LUNAR SEEMS TO BE IN THE MIDDLE OF IT- I AM GOING TO START CHEWING ON MY WALLS/POS-

YOU DONT UNDERSTAND, HOW FERAL THE IDEA OF A CORRUPTED LUNAR MAKES ME-

I HAVE BEEN HYPERFIXATING ON THIS CONCEPT SINCE I WATCHED THE EPISODE- I WAS INCAPABLE OF DOING LITERALLY ANYTHING ELSE-

I AM ON MY HANDS AND KNEES, BEGGING FOR THIS TO BE ABSOLUTELY BONE CHILLING-

LUNAR HAS SO MUCH POTENTIAL AS A BAD GUY- LUNARA ALONE IS PROOF OF THAT-

And Rez… THEY ARE SO COOL???

I DON'T KNOW, HOW TO DESCRIBE IT, BUT THEY GIVE OF THIS AIR OF INTIMIDATION-

THEY ARE ACTUALLY CHILLING, AND I LOVE THE IDEA OF THEIR DESIGN-

Also- Listen- The amount of tension between Lunar and Rez… The amount of power difference… The way, Rez pulled them close and started talking in an almost seductive voice…

I AM FEVERISHLY POINTING AT THIS- PLEASE TELL ME, I'M NOT THE ONLY ONE WHO SEES THIS-

I can't help but imagine their purple void to like- Come out of their hood and encircle Lunar-

AND IF THIS WASN'T ENOUGH, WE'RE GETTING PUPPET LORE!!!

It's absolutely fascinating and heartbreaking!

It also gives us the interesting perspective of a sentient animatronic being possessed! It seems that the real Puppet was trying it's hardest to keep Charlie safe, going to the lengths of destroying everything and everyone keeping that goal out of its reach!!!

I am enamored-

-Stardust

RIGHT?!?!?!?!

I KMOW INKNOW I KMOWIWIAGAIAHKD IM SO EXCITED AT THE IDEA AAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!! I don't know if the show actually will but I'm like honesgly super hoping we at least get like, a half-corrupted Lunaf because GAAAHHHHH I WANT IT SO BAD PLEASEEEEE HAHAHABAJABJDB I WILL BE FED FOR DAYS

YEHSYEYSYWS YOUR POINT ABT LUNAR AND LUNAR AHHHHH LITERALLY LITERALLY LITERALLYYYYY!!!!!! ESPECIALLY IN A SITUATION WHERE LUNAR MAY HAVE TO LOOK GEMINI IN THE FACE AFTER THEY SWITCH SIDES?!?!!????? AUAGAGGAFAGADAGARAGDAFAEAG

AND OHHHHH MY STARS YEAH DON'T EVEN GET ME STARTEDDD ON REZ, THEY HAVE ME ENRAPTURED.

Exactly like u said, they're just so INTIMIDATING. There's something about how they keep a cool, almost lighthearted tone as they speak that just gives the inherent feeling of "ohhhh there is something very wrong with this fellow!"

AND THEY ABSOLUTELYYYYY HAVE TENSION ABAHAHAHHAA THE WAY REZ SAID "I CAN A LOT OF THINGS. MANY THINGS. THINGS THAT TERRIFY YOUR ASTRAL FRIENDS." LIKE 😳 SUBTLE Y'ALL SUBTLE AHABHAHAISHAKDHS I want them to interact more in the future I am OBSESSEDDDDDD

AND THE PUPPET LORE YAYAYAYAY!!!!!! Oh my stars I've been absolutely THRILLED about all the etails we've finally been getting and YEAH YEAH THE WAY PUPPET N CHARLIE ARE SET UP ARE SO AOUGGHHH !!!! I am so enamored on several different levels forever

[gu6chan]

So What Was Yaha's Deal? Drakengard Things You Might Not Know

GOD okay so im finally rambling about him okay so

I've been thinking about Yaha lately and it's really dawning on me how a lot of people just do NOT know about Yaha's past and it makes sense!! Literally NONE of this is available in English and it's so :( but also it makes me sad both because it's SO good and also because when people shrug him off as just "Reason Drakengard 2 sucks: it has a gay stereotype" like oh you do NOT even know omg

anyways, just so we're on the same page: this is NOT a theory discussing what happened to Yaha, just the best collage of what's ACTUALLY considered "canon" that I've picked up from different side materials and interviews (Most notably, Memory of Blood and World Inside). If I ever find anything else I'll be sure to update it :3

I WILL dive into a bit of personal interpretation/rambling over his battle lines (i have them save lmao) a bit later, maybe even in a separate post, but BOY

So TW: Mentions of noncon, dubcon and CSA up ahead

So i think the first thing that's to be established about Yaha's character is that the Empire DID wipe out most the elf population in DOD1, and while he did survive this, he was more or less still a victim in the respect that his parents WERE killed in likely less-than-painless ways as the Empire sought to use the elves both to use their blood for magic-repellent armour (While it looks like it was only introduced the the third game, it's actually been plot point for a while!) and the children to open the seal.

Given he's 25 by the events of Drakengard 2, he'd have to be around 7 at oldest before he arrived at the orphanage where met Urick. (He's not even 10 and he's already been through it...... baby...........)

Fortunately or unfortunately enough, Yaha DID manage to find a way to "survive" in this world from a very young age, and that was due to the fact that even as a child, he wasn't just commonly mistaken for a girl, but an absolutely "captivating" one. As it reads in his glossary section in Memory of Blood:

"He grew up an orphan, and even though he was a male, he boasted such beauty that he was frequently mistaken for a woman from an early age [...] For this, he uses his beauty as a systemic tool for survival. He captivates everyone, both male and female, and gains both status and protection in exchange for his body, which he used to escape life in the orphanage." (Glossary section from Memory of Blood)

It should be noted before I go on that the director, Akira Yasui, DID hint in his world inside interview that he thinks there was "something" between Yaha and Urick during their days in the orphanage, but whether that means feelings or an actual relationship isn't really clear (Though judging by his tone, it seems to lean more towards the short-lived, childlike-fling interpretation than anything imo i could just be biased though lmao):

"...As for his relationship with Urick, Yaha had liked him since they were in the orphanage together. I think there was definitely “Something” between them before Yaha left the orphanage. The powers of his pact didn’t reach Urick because he already knew how to deal with it; Urick was also once mesmerised by Yaha’s charm." (Yasui interview from World Inside)

(That last line is included for those tragedy points from when we get to the ~Split~ and BOY)

As for the orphanage, Yaha was...... "Adopted" by a well-to-do man when he was 14 years old. As for why and how he got adopted, it's unfortunately stated right at the end of his glossary entry which isn't even the worst part when you take into consideration that he's already been doing this for a while.

At any rate, Yaha DOES decide "You know what? Fuck it, we splurge" and uses all adoptee's fuckass money to buy useless shit until he turned 16 and joined the Knights in search of a better standard of living (How can he get that if he's already pretty much rich? given what he's going through at that point, you do the math)

and you know what? he deserves nice things <3

(And to note, Urick was also taken in by Oror from the orphanage as an apprentice when he was 16 as well.)

Anyways, Yaha was back to survival mode after joining the Knights, and just as he did when he was in the orphanage, used his body to climb the ranks of the KotS in search of a better standing in life. It's just repeating what his glossary says, but Yaha WAS slandered for this and got a lot of shit and rumours spoken about him behind his back for it. And the list...... wondering why gismor isn't on that list.... is there something he's not telling us???

"He joined the Knights of the Seal in search of a better standard of life; his successful climbing of its ranks being more due to his "body" than his skill in battle. The only people of notable standing who had not had a relationship with him are Oror and the Hierarch Seere (It is rumoured that he may have also had a relationship with Verdelet). Behind his back, Yaha was labelled a nymphomaniac." (Glossary section from Memory of Blood)

While working on an excavation site during the creation of the different countries of Midgard into districts (It's own can of worms), Yaha comes across a beautiful jewel unlike anything he had seen before. SO beautiful as a matter of fact, that Yaha, who by merit made beauty his everything on the basis that it was all he had (aside from Urick), took personal offense to this and pointed his sword at it. However, from the jewel came a gnome who would go on to offer Yaha a pact, offering him irresistible charm so that he could get whoever he wanted. Yaha, seeing the opportunity to move up even further in the ranks of the Knights of the Seal (both due to his charm and his status as a Pact-Partner, as Gismor was looking for Pact-Partners specifically SO they could guard the Seal Keys and manage the districts) and also claim Urick's heart by doing it, accepted the pact in an instant. But as you all know, that came at a VERY high price. Of course, Yaha lost his ability to feel pleasure, resulting in whatever "barrier" from his mental scars he had whenever he tried to do the deed being removed. The act of sex, for Yaha, was filled with not just mental pain made lighter by the aspect of pleasure, but now was just sheer psychical pain as well. What a lot of people may not know, however, is how literally Urick meant it when he said "Don't look into his eyes, he'll trick you with his lies" and followed up with "It's the power given to him by his pact-beast. Or maybe it's the price he had to pay." Urick was not joking.

For those familiar with Junji Ito's Tomie, it was essentially just that: Yaha wasn't just in possession of extreme charm, but enough to bring people to lose all rational thought and reason when they were around him. And the way the glossary talks about this...

"[...]As a result, his beauty became even more ebullient, to the point it lead to people easily losing all sense of reason. However, his body was no longer able to feel the sensation of pleasure. This was the price of his pact. Although Yaha had come to immensely regret it, it was already too late. He now lives every day being swarmed by those who have lost all reason and is forced to engage in sexual acts filled with nothing but fear and pain."

Yaha............ :( SO this is what leads to the real final kicker: Yaha has gotten his position, has more beauty than anyone could ever imagine, but what he really wants is Urick, right? Of all the pain of sex both psychically and mentally, if he could at least be with Urick, the one person he saw differently, the one person that at least wouldn't be mentally scarring to sleep with, maybe it could all make sense. So Yaha confesses to Urick. But Urick turns him down - not because of any sound argument, but because all he sees is a self-absorbed narcissist in his friend's place, manipulating others and sleeping around carelessly just to up his own ranks in society. For two seconds, it would make sense - That's technically what it is. A honest flaw in Yaha's character is that he's genuinely greedy and materialistic. He uses goddamned slave labour, for Christ's sake. On the other hand, is he really looking for a higher place in society? Or is he looking for stability? A place to get away from his past and be the one in control for once? Of course, being perfectly aligned with Urick's own version of "self-absorption" (All the Lieutenants have it!), he completely failed to realise where all that stemmed from. He saw Yaha as just being greedy and narcissistic from the lens of him being inherently bad, didn't for a second take into account Yaha's origins which led to that behaviour. His own best friend. So, long story short: Urick thinks Yaha is a bastardisation of his best friend and, following in his cowardly character, takes that as personally as you can (as you see in all his scenes and lines relating to Yaha together, im going to slap that little cunt) - despite the fact Yaha SHOULD have had the upper hand via his Tomie-like powers, as I mentioned towards the start of the post, Urick was already charmed by Yaha - he had just grown used to it because of how close they already were.

Brief Personal Analysis:

Personally reading into it, Yaha doesn't really care so much about his position as, beyond just being about as high as you can get, and it wasn't what he really wanted. The underlying source that got him that position to START with was his beauty, which Yaha cherishes like a narcissist would. He's used to people changing their tune whenever they lay eyes upon them, which Urick specifically instructs not to do towards the beginning of the battle, and is the source of such lines as "If I die, my beautiful body and the holy crystal shall perish. You would let that happen?" At the same time, a player death results in a VERY different tune from Yaha, where he dejectedly says the line "My beauty... It is my sin." Possibly hinting towards his own conflicted feelings and sorrow towards it as again, he goes from "My body is perfect, is it not?" to "My beauty is my sin" as soon as Nowe or his crew is too dead to question it. The difference is VERY jarring between the two, and I also bring into question the tone he uses to speak about his gnomes on whether he intentionally sounds exhausted of them (It would make sense, given the hinted resentment he has towards his pact-beasts for doing him dirty like that) or if he... Just sounds like that. Granted, a LOT of Yaha's lines sound similar in their sultry, somewhat sorrowful and tired tone all around. Of course, there are also his lines directed towards Urick, which should be self-explanatory given the context, but a few other notes and trivia and whatnot before i wrap up:

Just to note and say the obvious a final time since I know how this fanbase can be: Yaha IS genuinely a narcissist, that being his leading character flaw, though of course it should go without saying that while his actions as a result of that (re: slave labour) are definitely not to be swept under the rug, it's just as important to note the context that led to that and the tragedy of his character because of it. As Urick says, "He was very different then."

Yaha is confirmed bisexual! It surprised me too, but...

"Similarly, when I designed Yaha, I designed him to be a typical narcissist — a character who would probably go and describe their own self as "Beautiful". But even though his character is supposed to be one who is attracted to both men and women in the story, people who are attracted to both genders in real life are usually not of this type. Like Gismor, he also largely captures the image of "Bewitching"." (Character Artist Fujisaka commenting on Yaha's design in Memory of Blood)

Just a fun little detail: During Yaha's battle against the Rock Gnome, when it lifts the jewel above it's head in order to throw it at you, you can throw out a magic attack at just the right time and it will drop the jewel on its head for massive damage! And of course, similarly you mainly attack the Rock Gnome by using jump attacks to bring your weapon down on its head. And if you look at Yaha's portrait during his death scene...

Similarly, Urick is strong against monsters, which encourages you to use him to bring the final death blow to Yaha. And given their lore together I'd be damned if this cruel little snippet wasn't done intentionally.

The drawing of Yaha's death with the gnomes is titled "End of Agony", and hopefully after reading this post, you now know why.

A bit more interpretation than theory, but I have an ongoing hunch that each of the layouts and/or "gimmicks" of the Lieutenant's fortresses are based off the personality and story of the Lieutenant itself. Hanch is based around walls, closed doors and of course, water, Urick's is a twisting maze based off of sacrifice with the themes of life and death, Gismor's is based in fighting your way up a tall tower to reflect his ego and overlying reach as an antagonist, and Yaha's, primarily, is based off of illusions. The more you get past them and through the fortress, the less "ebullient" and fancy it looks until you reach its end - a single, shabby room filled with sand and dirt with nothing but a few musty crates and a bunch of jail cells meant for holding sacrificed prisoners to the Seal Keys. If that doesn't reflect Yaha's whole character, I don't know what does.

Either way, that's about all I think I have for him! Hopefully you learned something new, and if you have any questions, do let me know~

[argumentl]

The Freedom of Expression: Vol.23 - Watching Hanshin vs. Orix in the Japan series.

·Kaoru explaining Hanshin's progress so far, imagining himself doing the ceremonial first pitch, and learning English through the window of the Hanshin Tigers.

J: Ah this is an important moment...whats his name? Dongu?

T: Not Dongu, TONGU.

J: Oh, Tongu! This must be the most important moment of the game so far.

T: Ah, it's exciting!

J: This must be the most important moment so far....go on, go on!

K, J, T: Aghhhh!

J: Eh?! Was that a walk?

K: No, no.

J: Its three balls, one strike??

K: Yes

J: The batter chose not to swing there, right?

K: Yeah

J: Or he just couldn't manage it?

K: Well, it could be either.

J: Come on, come on, come on!

T: Oh, a strike!

J: A strike?! Ohh, interesting from Tongu.

K: Haha, you just wanna say that!

T: Hang on, hang on! The broadcast started!

J: No way! We are on air already?? Leader, do the greeting!

K: Im Tongu.

J: Tongu! And im Hikomaro!

K: No, not Hikomaro, he isn't even there!

J: No, but there is that one who looks like him though, right?

K: Ah, Mune! Are you trying to mock him??

J: No no, the Orix players are...

J, K, T: Ahhhhhhh!

J: Yeahhh, lets go!!

K: This is what I like.

J: Crisis averted, right?

K: Yeah.

J: Easy going from now.

K: Ahh, we're off! At last.

T: Yeah, haha, at last.

J: Yep, and we can finally get started with Niconama too.

T: Oh, we're on niconama today?

J: Yes, we are! Look at all the comments!

T: Thanks for all the comments!

K: But we are also on Youtube too.

J: Yep, so today we are watching the 4th game of the Nihon series on the channel...what is it? Hulu?

K: Yes, Hulu.

J: Yes, so we are watching it on Hulu. We can't show you our screen, so if you have a spare screen, get it on at home too.

*Kaoru reaches behind to update the score on the white board, and writes a big 0 for Orix*

T: Ah, yes. This is Kaoru's job today.

J: What a big zero!

K: Yeah, I wanna fill all the rest like this too! haha

J: Haha, yeah. By the way, today's broadcast is titled 'Go go Tigers! Aiming for Japan no.1 special!!'

*applause*

J: So we are gonna have a drink while watching the game! We will do a toast soon, so everyone at home please have a drink ready too. Ok, Leader, its the 4th game, right? So, could you please explain what that means for people who know nothing about it (myself included), and tell us what has happened in the Nihon series so far.

K: Well, for the Nihon series, the first team to get 4 wins is Japan champion. Today is the 4th game, Hanshin won the first game, Orix won the 2nd game, and Orix won the 3rd game. We'll have to see what happens in the 4th game today.

J: So at this point, Hanshin have won 1 and lost 2?

K: Yeah

J: How did they score in that first game?

K: 8 - 0

J: Yeahhhh!

T: And Kaoru, did you say you were there for that game??

K: Yes, I went to Kyocera Dome to watch it.

J: Ohhhh! Where are our souvenirs??

K: I forgot, haha

J: You forgot to bring us souvenirs??! Thats the most important thing!

K: I left them at the studio, we've just been rehearsing for the tour. I did buy some Hanshin manju type things, but I left them all in the studio for everyone. I didn't bring any here.

J: Ahh, it would have been great to eat those now while supporting the team! Anyway, how was it at the game??

K: It was good, it was my first time to watch baseball at Kyocera dome, so it was quite refreshing.

J: Ahh, were there fewer Hanshin fans there?

K: Hmm, no, about half and half.

J: And it was a thrashing victory with 8-0.

K: Hm, is thrashing the right word? haha

J: Yes, of course it is! I bet you enjoyed it..How did you feel?

K: Oh, I felt great.

T: Haha, I've never seen Kaoru this happy.

J: You can see how happy he is with the way he just leaned back slightly then! haha. We don't see this very often. Look, that comment says 'I'm gad they won when you went'.

K: Yeah, absolutely. Because the next day, the score totally flipped, we lost 8-0.

J: Ahh, that badly? Leader, your presence is good luck for the team.

K: Yeah right?? I need to go to all the games.

J: Thats right! So what happened in the 3rd game?

K: That was yesterday at Koshien. We lost 5-4. We started to catch up towards the end, but couldn't make it in the end. Hanshin have a bit of a self destructive image when they lose. They tend to make a lot of errors and stuff. But they are not like that today...Anyway, in the 2nd and 3rd games, Orix gained the upper hand.

J: Hm, yeah. Hanshin couldn't take it back. And today is the 4th game...what innings are they in now?

K: The third innings.

J: And Hanshin are in attack.

K: Yes...Oyama, he just hasn't got the hang of it yet today.

J: Who is Oyama, what does he do?

K: He is a baseball player.

J: Yes, but what number/position etc?

K: He is number 3, and in first.

J: And despite this, he isn't hitting??

K: I'm not sure whether 'despite this' applies here, haha.

T: He just isn't hitting today.

J: Ah, he is not in good form today?

T: Yeah

J: But Hanshin are in the lead, right? How did they manage that?

T: Oh look, its Neuse!!

K: Ah, yes, good good.

J: Who was that?

K: Neuse.

T: Neuse is in good form.

K: Yeah, he is.

J: So now...

T: What?

J: Hm? Hang on?...Neuse leaves base, bottom of the third innings, Hanshin in attack, 2 out, Neuse hits, passes first base. Won't they score points from here on?

K: Yeah, I think so.

J: Ah, so its still ok.

K: Can't we have a drink yet?

J: Oh, ok.

K: Haha

J: Let me just explain the show quickly! Even if you don't like baseball, you can still enjoy this show. And we are always taking your messages, you all know this, right? Any, thoughts, comments, questions, please send them in. X (formerly Twitter) users can use the tag TFOE. The first part of the show is free for anyone to watch, but the second part is for channel members only, so you need to be a member if you want to watch to the end. If you join, you can watch this broadcast in the archives for 1 year, and there are also members only videos too, so please join using the link at the top of the screen. Also, in the second part of the show today we will be asking Kaoru all about the European tour scheduled for next year.

T: Loads of variety!

J: Thats right. You can't miss it!! Ok, Leader, its time for a toast! Everyone at home, join us too. Just a sec, Leader...ok ready now.

K: Joe, you can do it.

J: No no, you have to.

T: *raises hand* Ok, I'll do it.

K: *raises hand* No, I'll do it. (※This is a reference to a tv comedy skit by ダチョウ倶楽部/Ostrich Club, where the third guy is tricked into raising his hand to volunteer for something after seeing the other two raise theirs first)

J: Eh?! Who? Ok, Leader, you do it.

T: Agghh, haha

K: Agghh, of course, he doesn't watch tv so he doesn't get it!

J: Eh?! What?!

K: Nothing, nothing.

J: Ahh, Im sorry I ruined the joke!...Oh, it was that Ostrich method??

K: Of course, it was.

J: I just saw someone write it in the comments, haha.

K: Anyway, lets have a drink and enjoy watching the Nihon Series...Kanpai!

J, T: Kanpai!

J: So, Leader, they won when you went to the stadium, so we should support them as if we were there in the stadium today.

K: Of course!

J: That way it will help. If we half-heartedly support them, our support won't reach them.

K: Ahh, yes, thats right.

J: We've really got to be out of the ordinary.

K: Haha, you are so excited.

T: Joe, you know the least about baseball of all of us, yet you are the most excited.

J: No, but we've really got to imagine ourselves at Koshien! Is that where this is?

K: Yes...We have to?

J: Absolutely.

T: There is a comment saying Kaoru's hat is cute! Its unusual, right?

J: Was this a specially made item?

K: No, these are regular merch. It comes in different colours, even blue etc. You wouldn't be able to tell it was Hanshin merch just at a glance.

J: No, you wouldn't.

T: Isn't this one an unusual colour though?

K: I bought this years ago.

J, T: Ehh?

J: Ahh, yes, there is all sorts of Hanshin merch. You know, I wanted to wear that Hanshin happi to support the team today, but the staff forgot to bring it.

T: Haha, you should prepare that yourself.

J: I was thinking about wearing that pink happi, so I wore like totally room wear to go under it.

K: Haha, room wear? That doesn't matter.

J: Haha, well, whatever I'm wearing I'm at Koshien in spirit.

K: Yeah. Ah, I'll just update the scoreboard.

J: Oh, yeah. So, last time we had Morikawa Toshiyuki on the show, right? That was fun. What did you think, Leader?

K: Oh, I'm so grateful to him...Coming on a show like this.

J: Yeah, and he supports the Baystars.

K: Yeah, I felt sorry.

J: Yeah, cause they didn't do well, right?

T: Haha, he even came in here singing Rokkou Oroshi.

K: I'm really grateful to him.

T: There are not many people who know as much about professional baseball as he does.

J: He is such a great guy, we had a lot of fun. Yeah, we laughed a lot. If you are a channel member you can rewatch it in the archives. There are comments coming in saying it was incredible, and that Morikawa san was perfect at singing Rokkou Oroshi!

T: It would be good if we could do that kind of thing again sometime.

J: Yeah, last time was perfect though, with those talk topics and Morikawa san's personality. Anyway, today we are watching the Hanshin vs. Orix game, and I'm sure things will get exciting whenever the game heats up, but in the meantime the staff have prepared various fun things for us to talk about. So lets sandwich some of these in while we watch the game. The first topic is 'Dream ceremonial pitch'!

*applause*

J: Don't hold back, everyone! We gotta show our support! Ok, loads of different people have done the ceremonial pitch before, right? So I'm gonna ask both Kaoru and Tasai, if you were to do the ceremonial pitch, how would you do it? What music would you enter to, what would you wear, how would you throw etc, etc. Its a brilliant topic to talk about!

K: Who did the ceremonial pitch today? That rugby guy? The one who never smiles.

T: Was it Inagaki....?

J: Inagaki Goro? (*member of SMAP.....Kaoru is actually referring to rugby player Inagaki Keita*)

K: Not Inagaki Goro! haha

J: Haha, I don't know. Ah! Is it that half Japanese guy who looks like Inagaki Goro??

T: Haha, no no. Ah, *reading comments* it seems like his name is Inagaki though.

J: We just can't remember his given name.

K: Well, anyway, he did the ceremonial pitch today.

J: How do they actually choose who does it?

K: We should have asked Morikawa san this last time!

J: Right! He has done it before, hasn't he?!

T: I guess the team just choose someone.

J: Kaoru, have you ever been asked to do it?

K: Haha, no.

J: Oh, but to have a world famous musician like you sypporting them so much...!

K: No no.

T: What are they thinking by not asking you?!

J: Right?!

K: Guys, stop talking like this! They'll never ask me now, hahaha.

T: Hanshin players, please consider it!!

J: Look, there are comments saying they want you to do the ceremonial pitch! Anyway, Leader, if you did do it, how would you like it to be?

K: Hmm, well, I don't really like it when people try to make it all about them...

J: Ahh, some people are like that when they do this, right? I mean, I havnt really seen many people doing it though.

T: Yeah, it is often like that.

K: So, I would probably just go out, greet the crowd, and simply throw the ball.

T: Yeah, Joe, did you know, celebrities and such who do the ceremonial pitch often get booed if they try to appeal to the crowd to much. Its like, "Just get on with it!"

K: Yeah, cause no-one is there to see that.

J: Its unnecessary, right?

T: Yeah, sometimes that happens. But when Yanagisawa Shingo did it, they crowd was pretty happy....You know who that is, right?

J: Ah, yes, that comedian right?

T: Yeah

K: Well, if its someone very famous who everyone knows, it works.

J: Ah, its tough, it only works with big names. What does that comment say?

T: 'Degawa(Testurō) took his trousers off'...

K: Ah, someone like Degawa san is fun, you'd wanna see that, right?

J: Yeah! But Kaoru, you would just keep it very simple?

K: Yeah.

J: What about you, Tasai? How would you do it? Gyōza themed?

T: Im not all about gyōza, you know!

J: A gyōza shaped glove or something? Oh, what just happened in the game? He is out?

K: Yeh, at second base.

T: I mean, I'd probably want to do something UFO or kappa related. I'd do it with determination.

J: Well, Tokyo Sports are big enough misfits for that to work.

T: Haha, someone wrote 'throw a gyōza'

K: Throw a gyōza??

J: They wouldn't expect that!

T: They'd be asking me to leave! haha

J: Leader, someone just asked in the comments 'Would you do it if you were asked?'

K: Well, yeah, I wanna do it.

T: Hanshin, please consider it!

J: Ahh, so you wouldn't hesitate if you were asked. But, hey, its quite a long throw, right?

K: Yeah, I don't know if my throw would reach far enough. But remember, Morikawa san warned against practicing too much, or you'll be unable to throw on the day.

J: Yeah, but its a bit embarrassing if your throw doesn't reach.

K: Yeah, it might not.

J: What would you do then?

K: Well, yeah, cause most people have never thrown a ball from that kinda raised mound before, right? You have to throw it from above.

J: How high is that mound?

T: Quite high, but it depends on the stadium.

J: Really? So the pitchers have to maintain their accuracy even at different heights in each stadium?

T: Well, pitchers do have preferences about which mounds are easier or harder for them. And teams will even alter the mounds in their stadium to try to put the opposition to a disadvantage.

J: Ahh, to make it harder for them? This is such a grown ups' game!

T: Haha.

J: It all depends on so many factors, even with the top players.

K: Well, I guess because they are only active for a short time.

T: Kaoru, if you did the ceremonial first pitch, would you walk out to a DIR song? Like in that movie 'Major Leage'?

K: No no no, whatever the team preapres in advance is fine with me.

J: No, but I think the team would ask you about the music, since you are a musician.

K: No, I'd be fine with just a normal introduction, then just getting on with it. Playing a song of ours deliberatly, then walking in is really cringe!

J: Haha

K: I'd feel like apologizing!

T: Haha, I see.

J: Ah, whats going on with the game?? Do we need to check it?

T: *reading comments* 'Kaoru can throw towels to the 2nd floor'. Have you done that before??

K: Yeah, I think so.

T: Ehhh?! Do they reach that far?

K: If you drench them in water they do. And you have to throw underarm. Throwing overarm wouldn't work.

T: You are really good at underarm throwing. You throw all those picks too, right?

J: Yeah, and you squirt water out from your water bottle. I like that, its kinda kinky.

T: Haha, really??

K: Yeah, cause thats the only way Joe sees the world.

J: Its true!

K: Haha

J: I'm embarrassingly pervy about everything. Do you have a problem wth that? haha. Anyway, I'm going all out today, remember.

T: Ah yes, right. 'Joe always brings up dirty topics'.

J: Anyway, lets just check on the game.

T: Hirooka is doing well.

J: What doea Hirooka do?

T: He is a baseball player.

J: No, I mean his order and position etc.

T: He is number 8, but...hm, Im not sure.

*K eats cheese and ham snack*

J: This is no time to be eating ham.

K: But I'm hungry.

*J and T discuss the game for a few secs while K concentrates on eating snacks*

K: Mm, this tastes good.

J: Yeah, ham and cheese. I complained that the snacks were too cheap looking before, so now they are a bit more luxurious.

K: Ahh, ham, cheese, and crackers gives off more of a distinguished air, right?

J: Yeah. If people donate to us, we might get even better snacks.

K: Nah, I dont mind..You're the one who makes the most noise about this. Its you who got our bentos changed to curry.

J: Ah, yes! I really love that curry, but there is a yakiniku restaurant on the first floor of this building, right? And before now we've had yakiniku bentos, so today I avoided meat all day in anticipation, I was kinda disappointed we got curry again.

K: You're the one who made them give us curry!!

J: No, but this is the time and place for yakiniku! When are we gonna get yakiniku bentos again??

K: Haha

T: Joe, you are so noisy about food! You were eating more curry than us today!

J: Because I'd been saving myself all day! I was so hungry! You know that nice cafe nearby here? Its closed on wednesdays, so I couldn't go there. But I figured it would be ok if I was having yakiniku later. And then I almost got myself a steamed bun from the convenience store, but I decided not to in the end. And then I got here, and it was curry!! But actually, curry is more like Hanshin colours, so its for the best!

K: Hahaha, what a fuss.

T: You know, that curry comes with potatoes too? He was like, 'Ahh, maybe I shouldn't eat the potatoes..' But then he covered them in butter and ate them anyway.

J: Yes! And that led onto an interesting debate about whether this curry was made in Europe, remember?! Or was it a European style curry made in Japan??

K: Where are you going with this?? haha

T: Deflection, deflection.

J: If Hanshin win today, Kaoru, you should buy us yakiniku.

K: Oh, okay. Who knows what will happen, but thats ok with me.

J: Good, I can't stop thinking about yakiniku today.

T: You never shut up about food, haha.

J: I'm going all out today, remember?

T: Joe, the staff are trying to tell you something.

J: Huh? Ah, ok. Move onto the next topic about the Hanshin dictionary....thats enough about curry, haha.

K: We'll be getting complaints.

J: *reading comments* 'If Hanshin win, please sing Rokkou Oroshi'. Ah, yeah. Ok, so the next topic is about the 'Genius Japanese-English Hanshin dictionary' where many of the example sentences are Hanshin themed. I didn't realise something like this existed!

K: Yeah, I was surprised.

J: There are over 60 Hanshin related sentences. I think a lot of the editors are from Kansai, so thats why they made this version.

K: Oh, I see.

J: Yeah, so lets have a look at some of the examples. Are we gonna show them? No? I just read them out? Ok. For example the word 'atsui'. In English you'd say 'excited' - to be excited about something', right? So, the example is 'kare ha Tigers no koto to naru to, sugu atsukunaru'. Tasai, could you read that out in English?

K: Haha

T: 'He gets excited at any mention of the Tigers'.

J: Thats it! 'Tigers' at the end there, its great! The next one is 'uchimakuru' (hit a volley). I feel like thats not the type of word you'd usually need to look up though.

K: Right.

J: The example is 'Sakuya Tigers ha Giants aite ni hitto wo uchimakutta'

K: You never need to say that though.

T: In English, 'The Tigers got a lot of hits against the Giants last night'

J: Yeah, but with 'uchimakuru' the potential is there to use it. And you can use 'atsui' for people like me getting excited about sports. But the problem comes next, with 'oeru'...'to end something'. There is no reason to use this word about Hanshin, right?

K: Yeah

T: Haha

K: Yeah, its not a good meaning.

J: Yeah, because with hits and things, they still have that potential.

K: 'to end' is difficult to use.

J: The editors have thought hard about this one! The example sentence is, 'Kare ha Hanshin Tigers no guraundo seibiin toshite sono shōgai wo oeta.

K: It can be done! hahaha. But this sentence would probably never be used outside Hanshin fans.

J: No

T: Everyone, please check out this dictionary.

J: Yeah. Tasai could you read out the translation of that last one?

T: 'He ended his days as a groundskeeper for the Hanshin Tigers.'

J: Isn't this show great?! You can study English while you watch!

K: This one is good too.

J: Which one? Leader, which one do you like??

K: 'Tigers no roku senshu ga ponpon to home run'

J: haha

T: 'Six different players cracked....' haha

K: What does that even mean? Do we ever say 'ponpon to home run'??

J: You wouldn't have much need to say that to a foreigner.

K: But!! Today we will need to use it! Hahaha

J: Yehhhy, hahaha. And when that happens, you can say it in English, Leader!!

K: This one too, 'machigainai' (no doubt)

J: What does it say?

K: 'Tigers ga shiai ni katsu koto ha machigainai' (There is no doubt that the Tigers will win the game)

J: Ohhh, yeah. That, and ponpon are good. Leader, you will have to shout 'Ponpon!!' in English later.

T: How do you say it in English?.....'cracked'. It says 'machigainai' is 'on ice'....'The Tigers have the game on ice'

K: Shouldn't it be 'nice'? Or is it supposed to be 'ice'?

J: It might be an English idiom. They use idioms, like for heavy rain, there is an idiom about 'cats and something'

T: Oh, really?

J: Yeh, there is. How about this one.... 'ryūnin'. 'Fan no ōku ga Okada kantoku no ryūnin wo nozondeiru' (Many fans want Manager Okada to stay in office)

K: Well, there's no reason to make him quit.

J: Yeah. Ah, someone commented, 'Kaoru, make an example sentence'.... in Japanese.

K: A Tigers sentence?

J: Yes, and then the staff will use Chat GP and put it into English.

T: Thats a good idea.

K: Hmm..

J: Something that you wouldn't usually expect to see in a JP-EN dictionary. Anything is ok.

K: Hmmm.....uhhhh......'Jama'! (obstruction)

J: Jama?? Hanshin related?　Uhhh...ok.....jama.....uhh, ok.... go ahead...

T:...Uh..

J: Ah, ok, Leader then...

K: .Hm?...What are you asking for?

T: Right? haha

J: I've been talking too much, I'm too tired now, haha.

K: You want me to say the sentence, right?

J: Haha, yeh, I'm exhausted now, I'm just zoning out.

K: He's tired himself out after all that.

J: Haha, I'm 55, leave me alone! Haha, someone wrote 'Its mystery hour'. I don't know what I'm doing any more, haha.

T: Haha, you were so energetic at the start, and now you are totally burned out!

J: Yeah, ahhh, I'm tired. Ok, Leader, say your sentence.

K: Ok, so at their stadium, Koshien stadium....'kousokudōro ga jama de mienai'. (The highway obstructs the view of the stadium)

J, T: Ahhh

J: Really?

K: Yeah, its really close. From here to that wall is the same distance between the wall of the stadium and the highway.

T: Yeah

K: So you can't see the big 'Koshien Stadium' written on the stadium wall. (※TN: But you can if you drive on the highway past the stadium! 😁)

J: Ahhh, ok, well the staff will translate that for us. I think we should send this to the editors at Genius.

T: Someone wrote, 'Joe Yokomizo is the 'jama' haha.....ok, the English is 'Koshien stadium cannot be seen because the highway is in the way'. *laughs/snorts*

J: Ah, 'in the way'... you just snorted.

T: Haha, sorry. Put, 'Joe Yokomizo is noisy' into the translator!

J: Haha, the staff will put Kaoru's sentence and translation in the comments later. So thats how you can support Hanshin and study English.

T: Ah, Kaoru, you forgot to write the score. More 0s.

J: Oh, thats good.

K: Is it the 5th innings already?

J: Is the game running at a fast pace?

T: It is, yeah. Its still the first half of the game, right?

K: Yeah.

J: Mm, this ham is really good.

K: Haha, you've eaten loads.

J: Yeah, it tastes really good. So, for now they haven't changed the pitcher...

K: No, but we are in the lead.

J: There is a one point lead at the moment, but another two or three points wouldn't be bad.

K: Yeah yeah

J: Yeah, another point would be good. Which innings do you think they will really start moving in?

K: Oh, any time now. They are hitting a lot.

J: 86 throws so far, is that a lot for the 5th innings?

K: Hm, yeah well, the fifth innings might decide the game.

T: Just as long as they win.

J: Ah, yeah. Those Orix players are all really good-looking though, right? Like that Hikomaro guy before...

K: Remember who we talked about before though....Chikamoto.

J: Ah, Chikamoto, yes!

T: Hey, but its about time for the first part of the show to end, isn't it?

J: *talking with mouth ful of food' Yeah, so in the second part, we will go all out supporting, and we'll be talking about Dir en grey's...

K: He has no enthusiasm left!

J: *empties mouth* ...and be talking about Dir en grey's upcoming European tour, so please make sure you are a channel member. If you become a member, you can watch this broadcast in the archives for a year, and there will also be members only videos, where we try out lots of different things, so please check those out. Ok, here's how to join. There should be a blue link at the top of your screens now. Leader, please point to it. Please click this link to become a member. After you click it, you wil get a page asking you to choose your preferred payment type. Choose your method, click proceed, then enter your details. If you haven't joined yet, please do so to continue supporting Hanshin with us, and to hear Kaoru talking about the European tour. Ok, Leader, do you have any announcements?

K: The tour starts next week. I was just rehearsing today. It'll be fun!

T: I'm looking forward to it.

J: Kaoru, you said that with confidence.

K: Did I? Well, it will be. haha. Kawasaki is first, with the fanclub lives, I think Nagoya is after that.

T: Someone wrote they are going to Kawasaki, Haneda, Yokohama, and Omiya. Wow, thanks!

J: The merch info is out now too, yeah. Someone says they are going to all the dates!

K: Wow. You know, this really is the end of Phalaris. So please enjoy it.

J: People saying they are going to Wakayama, Niigata, some are joining in December. A question asks who designed the merch?

K: We all did.

J: They are looking forward to Wakayama.

T: Is it your first time playing in Wakayama?

K: Yeah.

J: Someone said its their birthday at Nagoya....Vol.3?

K: Yeah, Vol.3 is the final.

J: What merch do you recommend?

K: Recommend? Hm, the limited tshirt.

J: Is it limited to sale at the venues?

K: Yeah, but saying limited tshirt sounds a bit negative, so just look forward to it anyway.

J: Yeah, please look forward to the merch.

T:*looking at game* Oh no, Tongu.

J: Tongu...like thong sandals?

K: No, its 鈍宮, the kanji for don(鈍) and miya (宮).

J: It sounds like a summery name..

T: Anyway, should we finish here?

J: Yes, lets have a quick break here. The screen will change for a moment, but we will be back shortly with the second part, so please wait there.

T: People watching on youtube, please register on niconama too.

J: We'll be talking about the European tour too, it'll be fun! Ok, bye bye for now.

K: Yep, see you soon!

[go-to-the-mirror]

look, hear me out, hot jon ri- [EXTENDED SOUNDS OF BRUTAL PIPE MURDER]

@a-mag-a-day

One thing you should know about me is that i will defend jonathan sims head archivist of the magnus institute london to my dying bloody breath. Another thing you should know about me is that i can do nuance, i just don't want to a lot of the time.

But. I will, put my... love... for the Jarchivist... to one side. sort of. a little bit. Look, you can't be unbiased, an attempt is all you're gonna get, mate.

But like, let it be known that I have talked extensively about scrutiny on my story, and most of it wasn't "but i love him, so, <3" actually most of it was "headinhands, jon, why"

Like, yk? Why didn't we see this coming, he's an Avatar, he's a monster, it's not making what he's doing better -- obviously -- but like, I feel like it's like... it's like... yk? we knew it in a theoretical way, and then we're like, oh, yeah, he doesn't get protagonist privileges.

I'm just rambling at this point, so, let's get onto the relisten, I guess, and I'll freak out there

ARCHIVIST The tape recorder. [SUDDEN INHALATION FROM BASIRA] BASIRA Get ready. Any idea what’s coming?

i think it's neat that they're realising that tape recorder on = (rqg pessimistic train driver voice) DOOOOOOM!

ARCHIVIST No, I… I think… [Calling out] Excuse me?

Jonathan "I don't think it's me doing it" Sims when he literally calls the guy back, fuck Jon, that's not okay!

SHIPHAND I don’t know you. ARCHIVIST [Archly] But I know you.

[ID: Marina and the Diamonds Smirk Meme /End ID]

look, hear me out-

LIKE OK HRHNR ITS COOL OKAY! IT'S COOL! IT'S AWFUL, BUT IT'S COOL!!

BASIRA Jon, I’m not sure about this. ARCHIVIST I am. Tell me what happened.

(tim voice) don't do it.

like, jon, jon, no, fuck? what the fuck, jon headinhands, headinfuckinghands

this is the theme of this ramble, okay? just headinhands but also his voice tho-

ARCHIVIST Whenever you’re ready.

it's so creepy, he's so creepy! that's just like- "whenever you're ready" SPOOOKY!!!! im kicking my legs i just think it's NEAT oKAY

The thing that was grabbing him, trying to reach down his throat and pull him apart… it was a pattern. Diamonds and swirls and colours that seemed to imprint itself upon his skin even as it pushed itself messily into his nose and mouth.

THAT'S SO COOL! I mean, uh, sucks to be him, but that's hnnrhrhnrnh <3333 it's so spooky and weird and I love it.

I followed slowly, unsteadily, but got there just in time to see Salesa throw both him and what looked like a blank rug over the side and into the ocean.

So, the pattern comes from the rug and then... attaches itself to people and/or things? That's neat!

He was drunk for the next two days, and we kept sailing on towards Cape Town.

:D I was so happy when I heard this on my first listen :3 like yay! South Africa is mentioned :3 I'm South African :3

Come to think of it, Floyd might have an Afrikaans accent. Don't quote me on that, I'm not sure, but I think so.

There was a storm over the island. I don’t know where it came from, it can’t have been more than a minute since I’d last looked at it, an-and the skies were completely clear. But now it was covered in lightning, the rolling clouds above it dark and angry.

So, the camera was keeping the island not sinking.

So I jumped ship the next chance I got. And I have tried ever since then to leave those memories behind me.

Would be lovely if someone *cough cough* Jon *cough cough* would let him. He's going to have nightmares about this till Jon dies. Like, poor him. That sucks, like even with Jess, she was leaving it behind, she was getting better and he took that from her. The bastard, christ Jon, you can't just do this to people, you can't just ruin their bloody lives because you're feeling peckish.

ARCHIVIST [Soothingly] You can go. FLOYD Erm… I, I don’t… ARCHIVIST Thank you Floyd. You’ve been… very helpful. FLOYD C— ARCHIVIST It’s alright, Floyd. You just… need a break.

I just like the way he says it, when Jon's being all monster-y, in this episode, sometimes when he's talking to Helen, I think, in MAG 187, and of course in the Crew Retrospective (speaking of, if you have stuff about the crew retrospective, please tag me, I want to see it), it's so suave, and for what. Charisma of 1, unless he's being... evil. I love him, I love that, it's so bloody suave, and charismatic, and smooth. He knows exactly what he's doing, he's in his element. Oh god, he's in his element.

Look, he may be slightly evil, but he's doing it with style, damn.

Like "It's alright, Floyd. You just... need a break" and it's like!!! HMNnn!!! No, Jon! You shouldn't be doing this to people, but also like hnhrhfhhnh so fucking cool!

ARCHIVIST Yes, Basira, he is. And I am sorry about that. But we needed it. Anyway you’re the one who wants to be like Gertrude. You think she’d give a damn about a few bad dreams? BASIRA No. ARCHIVIST No. She got the job done, and didn’t care about the cost. BASIRA But I thought you did. ARCHIVIST … I had to know, Basira. BASIRA It wasn’t right. ARCHIVIST You could have stopped me.…But you wanted to know as well, didn’t you?

Mr. Jarchivist Sims, your flimsy rationalizations are visible from space, you didn't want to be like Gertrude, you don't want to be like Gertrude, good lord, man, just... good lord.

I don't know what to say, I'm shaking this episode vigorously /pos

Ramble over! See y'all tomorrow where I'll be once again setting aside my flimsy belief (not even a belief) that Jonathan Sims did NOTHING WRONG if you ignore everything he did wrong.

End recording.

[protectingtulpas]

Okay so im an (now ex) anti-endo (i still feel uncomfortable around endos but i guess now that not valid) who discover that im an tulpa.

For more context im the host of a complex polyfrag DID system who always belive endos jist fake for attention and hurt the real system comunity (traumagenic systems) and im just "exist" since this year 2020 i got a blackout of 2 years until 2023 and what the rest of the system tell me when i ask was "you got a colapse and lock yourself in your room for two years and fall in dormancy, when you finally get out you was so confused that you split in the fragment youre now and Gaby and so you cannot remember what happen because of that and Miyamoto (an alter friend of mine) was the host for that time" i got not reason to doubt about it an they have no reason to lie, they say the same thing to all our friends and even to my girlfriend.

I was looking arround of some old papers and pdfs and i find out that they have a diary and it was pretty old and one page have my sigh but the date its supposed to be in the time i was locked and some other papers was the same or some alters mention me like if i was there like really there.

Then i finally discover a paper with the tittle "[My name] (oc lore)

And pretty detailed pages about the process of creation of a tulpa and a character itself and descriptions very accurated about my body and personality plus a background history that its exactly like my memorys and thing about my gender and sexuality also accurate (i get offended for that because i really struggle with that) and and alter called Axel/Alex who i know he exist because and romantic history of the system while i was out but i supposed he was just a fragment of another alter and i discover that he was one of the "original alters" (i mean the result of the first split) and he created me like A TULPA, he say in his notes that the rest of the system is traumagenic and he discover them in therapy but whatever it means we have traumagenic origins but as long as i know im THE ONLY TULPA/ENDOGENIC/WILLOWGENIC ALTER (HEADMATE???) And one of the few that are anti-endo (the big problem there is that were least than 5 and those alters are my friends (probably not anymore)

I really need help of a tulpa to understand this because i have so many cuestions about this and i dont have so many tulpa friends exactly and i guess i have to change my mindset and i was wonder i can have your help...

Oh wow, yeah this is a ton, thank you for reaching out for real! Sorry it took a hot sec to respond, I've been blocked from front a lot myself so I wanted to be in tune enough to give this the response it deserves.

Alrightie, so we have P-DID (we're mixed origin too), so we don't have as much dissociation as y'all, but we do have a bit of experience with host changes and people blacking out/going dormant for waay longer than expected, so that's where we're coming from here. Especially with memory barriers so high, host switches can be really disorienting and some pretty big things can be forgotten depending on the system. It sounds like during the time there was a big host switch, you got created by Axel/Alex, but due to u being affected by the inherent dissociative barriers of your system, you forgot your early memories of being created - as evidenced by things being signed by you and mentions of you that you don't remember, if I'm reading this correctly. That's a lot to take in, but it's good to have all this evidence you can bring up to your alters in a discussion about it if you're able. I know it's probably freaking you out, but just asking the alters that mention you/worked on you in the papers instead of accusing them will do a lot to help with resistance and all. I'm sure they had a good reason for not saying anything to you.

That brings me to my second point; if a good chunk of you are intensely anti-endo, there's a good chance your memories of your creation/origin are blocked behind dissociative barriers because that knowledge woulda been too much for your system to process and bare at the time. Make sure to consider that in what ya do- try not to dump all the pressure on yourself, if you put yourself into a spiral about all this or try to force your other alters to do a 180 it might end up counterproductive. You're their equal, don't ever forget that; take it slow and steady. Things'll end up alright. On the flipside of this, there's a reason you exist, and you were created because somebody (Axel/Alex?) WANTED you here, and that's important. You have just as much a right to be here, and it's not a bad thing that you exist or to challenge the collective opinion of how things work. That's what growing and changing is all about!!

You don't hafta jump full force into the endogenic community of course, take your time and don't overwhelm yourself. I think you'll enjoy a term we're extremely attached to: traumaendo systems are systems that experience both traumagenic and endogenic origins in one way or another, and the label is focused on the specific unique experiences we go through while straddling both worlds. Tulpamancy is particular is controversial because it started out as a separate community developing their own skills before coming into contact with the greater plural community, so you'll find that a lot of terms within it are different and stuff. Additionally, you'll probably run into a lotta controversies, specifically the infamous one about tulpamancy's etymological origin, so make sure to keep your head on your shoulders and put research and objectivity first. Don't forget that we've asked people actually of the culture about this, and that the etymological origin is of an open religion that encourages their meditations be shared and adapted. People will make up anything to try and keep us hated, but don't let it stop you. You're not hurting anyone by existing as u are.

And lastly? Take care of urself. There're a lot of little intricacies I can't predict because everything is different from system to system, but if you pay attention and work as a team with your alters, you'll start to see patterns and understand yourself more. You might find that you operate a bit differently than them, you might not, but regardless, there's no shame in your existence. If you have any more questions, go ahead and shoot me a DM privately- I'll see what I can do. Good luck out there, stay true to yourself