#it feels like it'd work for him too
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致命的な欠落をくれたね 身勝手な巨星、狂わされた生
お願い、声を聞かせて、声を聞かせて 絡まって歪んでしまった傷さえ くれたのはあなただけ、あなただけ お願い、僕を見ていて、僕を見ていて
#I looked up the lyrics for “Fatale” and it's oddly fitting for their relationship#oshi no ko#I'd have to learn more about the guy's character#but if my idea of him is correct.. the feeling he holds towards Ai'd pretty much be like that song#oshi no ko spoilers#spoilers#hikaai#doodle#this song's probably about how aqua feels and it WORKS but#it feels like it'd work for him too#also his official colors aren't revealed right? so I went with golden eyes for now#since hikaru has something to do with 'light'.. the eye colors seem to have to do with their names so
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sometimes a family is you, your girlfriend, her husband who's also your boyfriend, your mutual son and his electric rat, a mr. mime, and a baby
#delia ketchum#professor burnet#professor kukui#anipoke#pokeani#pokemon sumo#millidrew#art#my post#imagine the profs in i <3 milfs shirt thanks#probably a long multi-year slow burn that's also a very fast burn#bc they co-parent as friends for years. they're just known as ash's parents/family#kukui and burnet are madly in love and everyone knows it so they wouldn't consider the idea of there being someone else for a long time#delia wouldn't want to leave her restaurant in pallet and obvs the profs are staying in alola for their work so there's physical distance#so they call a lot until they get closer and closer until their lives aren't just connected by their love of ash#but also their relationships with each other <3#like i imagine they'd call for baby advice abt lei forgetting its like 4am in kanto LMAO and delia reminiscences on raising ash#as a single teen mom w/ no support. and maybe they surprise her by visiting!!!#i don't know how long it'd take for her to see lei in person tho... i think delia would have to go to alola#and ofc delia has feelings about ash and his second family and them seeing him more than she sees him at first#but it works out in the end because she's still a part of it <3 and bc ash is like her and neither dwell on feelings for too long#they're too whimsical#ash is just happy his mom's happy. and naturally they're both oblivious to the romantic aspects AKSDKMA#this isn't inherently romantic but it's about family...intimacy...love that creeps up on you but feels totally natural...#also i think they should kiss
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Julian's line of "I needed another womb for the baby, and the only two other people on board were Major Kira and me." is already very. That Man Is Trans. and listen yes you can interpret it as him saying Kira was the only choice, but then it's literally followed up by Sisko saying "I think you made the right choice, Doctor." which I know is supposed to be a joke but the implication IS there that there WAS a choice and basically Julian is trans
#star trek: ds9#julian bashir#he's trans what else can I say#his tboy swag is off the charts#and also I love the idea of him being trans and choosing to keep his reproductive organs like his uterus#I feel like gender affirming surgeries including hysterectomies would be much easier to do in Star Trek#so it'd be interesting if he elected out of that one#anyways can you imagine if Julian ended up with the pregnancy#Julian/Miles/Keiko fic where they all fall in love over the pregnancy#also fucking hysterical imagining Miles having to deal with Julian carrying his goddamn baby#I think that'd drive him insane#I think he would suddenly become very concerned about Julian's less-than-healthy work-life balance#I think Julian would be VERY offended when Miles suddenly didnt want them going to the Alamo anymore#im thinking too much about this now actually
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Tag Game - Poll: 5 Fav Characters
Challenge: Make a poll with five six of your all time favourite characters, and then tag five people to do the same. See which character is everyone's favourite.
I was tagged by @pickletrip (thaaaank you! 💜) so I decided to do it again, only this time with my favourite thirdwheelers/pathetic little meow meows (many thanks to @zhouxiangs for reminding me that I made a grave mistake by not including Wahl in the last poll).
For your consideration:
Tagging another five six people because this tag game is fun as heck: @tortibomb @markmybirds @befuddledcinnamonroll @leonpob @singto-prachaya @scarefox (only if you want to of course 💜)
#tag game#poll#making the poll 1 week this time bc 1 day feels too short#honourary mentions go to sol (my stand in) and guy (bake me please) and saint (Our Days) and nont (Love Area)#if i included sol he'd win#he's too perf#i smuggled in two winners bc i could#but the fictional winner is so pathetic the only thirdwheeling he does is on the racetrack#i know this and i love him#winner of my heart#also why do i have so few gifs of wahl what is wrong with me#also also i feel like winnerjumper would work beautifully together#and by beautiful i mean it'd be a whole basketball court full of squeaking clown shoes
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I just read Scarlet Witch & Quicksilver #4 and they literally airdopped Magneto in, had him say the worst thing imaginable to Pietro and closed curtains lmaoo 😭
just drop a car battery on me why don't you
#larger characterisation stuff aside. The way they used this letter was just...not very good storytelling in my opinion#building it up the way they did and revealing it at the end sets this up like it's going to contain important information for the future#but this? as little sense as it makes for this letter to exist in the first place. It'd have made more sense if we knew about the content#and got to see how see how this take on their relationship affects the twins and maybe their work together#(which...quite frankly I also think would have been very forced and ooc)#and then in the end they could have had a confrontation with Magneto about it and called him out on it#but the way it's done it just feels like exposition. It doesn't feel authentic at all. And also not really reunion at all. boo.#(plus I know it's too early to substantiate this but...#I'm kinda beginning to feel like they don't know what to do with Magneto's character post Ressurection.)
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I’m turning you all into marketable plushies, you watch (Patreon)
Bonus eyes because embroidery brain:
#Doodles#SCII#Helix#Max Vyer#Dexter Favin#ZEX#Original#Cure#Bar#Caleb Stern#Brain has turned to plush mush lol#Tsumtsums really feel like the correct outcome here for those two hehe ♪#I actually went about looking over my like - one and a half Tsumtsums to get a grasp on their construction#Y'know for funsies just to see just to be curious#I think they wouldn't be all that hard to make - something to consider anyhow#I was also thinking about the Tsumtsum sneezing thing lol - many Max all flopping around a Dex! Or many Dex overwhelming a Max haha#Still on the ZEX plush brainrot of course of course he's just so cute ;;#Thinking a lot about construction of his eye :0 I see the appeal of printed fabric so you don't have to contend with large embroidery#Or seams - especially on circles hgwegh not my favourite#Just want it to be flush and flat! Eye-shaped rather than any bulges hmmm how to how to#I'll figure it out - there's ways to make recessed edges in plushies too! Just a matter of how#Few originals to throw into the mix ♪ Cure's already a plush bear! Specifically with the plush pattern I have on hand#I personally don't care much for the pinch style of sewing on features but I feel like at least for her ear inlays that'd probably work best#For the ''meaty'' part of her ears maybe that could be full and proper lol#Barrr <3 Just now realizing how off-model I drew him lol but either way! Huggable! ♥ I've looked- ball-jointed plushies are Kind of a thing?#Even if it was just by shape tho it'd be awfully cute :) And to dress him up in a tiny jacket hehe#More of the Helix lads! Bit cleaner now that I know a bit closer what I'm aiming for hwah they're so cute ;;#I do think it'd be really fun for them to have different eye shines based on their personalities :D#It wouldn't be all that much more work - maybe a lack of practice on specific shapes but apart from that#And rounding out with a short joke lol Caleb's the shortest! It's only right that he'd be a smaller plush! Obviously! Lol
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spent the first hour and change at work deleting some old files and am having a grand ol time laughing at myself for not realizing i was a lesbian sooner
#vulnerable tag rambles ahead please be kind abt them i didnt intent to ramble this much but i dont wanna delete it eitehr#me to every single man i have ever dated after 6mo-1y: yeah hey this really isnt working out i dont really know why but i really hate mysel#and i dont want to blame you because i dont think you did anything inherently wrong here; i think this is something about me but i need#space to figure out why im feeling this way [every single one reacted by telling me No i wasnt allowed to leave btw]#i hold very complex feelings about these relationships esp bc of them ending in very violent/chaotic ways most of the time#but its interesting to look back at it all and realize ive left every man for the same reason (which is that ive hated myself Every Single#Time ive dated a man) and its funny bc i recognized the self hate pretty early on w/ cishet men but when it came to queer men it was#much more confusing (esp w/ nto knowing Any lesbians at that point in my life). im so happy im a lesbian tbh#i have a lot of issues w/ the racism fatphobia and transmisogyny present in lesbian groups#and also coming out as a lesbian really truly saved my life. before i met my wife i was quite literally in a 3yr abusive relationship that#definitely would have died in if i hadnt realzied i was a lesbian and ran from him#its also weird seeing liek the hard evidence of the things that happened to me btween 2016-2020 tbh#cause that was such a bad time of my life. i truly dont know how i survived it but im so glad i did#like the three major relationships in my life b4 meeting my wife was: guy who was in college when i was in HS who stalked me when i left;#guy who was a year younger than me who cheated on me the entire time while telling me he was being victimized (he wasnt; this was very mess#guy who saw the very messy toxic ldr i was in and helped me dump my ex then decided that meant we were in a relationship [insert 3 yrs here#and admittedly all 3 years with him werent the same level of abusive but it was definitely unhealthy from the start considering I Didnt Kno#we were together until he wanted to celebrate vday and got mad i didnt know our anniversary - and like this isnt including the other stuff#that happened between those Relatonships[tm] (cause ive never been monogamous; these were just the Major Relationships)#like i genuinely think if i hadnt come out i'd be dead rn given just how dangerous my relationships were/continued getting#i am also so tired now that ive seen all this cause like. fuck i can barely believe it and i not only lived it but have PTSD about it#i should write about my life sometime. i feel like it'd be cathartic to try and make a tangible timeline and stories from the years ang stu#anyway yeah. be nice about the tag rambles. dont message me with pity or curiosity or anything about this. i dont usually talk abt this stu#publicly bc i hate the ways ppl start tryign to baby me when they realize my life has been extremely fucked up until only a few years ago#n im still working on accepting kindness from others bc of [insert life traumas here] but its a long process so pls respect my need for jus#being heard rn w/o too much pressure< 3 (but ig if u do read this can u like it cause i feel a little crazy seeing all the evidence of the#stuff i experienced now also cause fuck ik logically it was but also i cant believe it was all real still yk)
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people talking about edgeworth helping phoenix during his seven year stint and supporting him through his depression as if we all don't know that the only person from that family who'd be able to get phoenix to do shit is franziska. smh.
#she'd barge into his home and be like 'phoenix wright get the fuck up'#scribbles in the margins#this post is pretty much all a joke but also not really. i do think edgeworth is too awkward to really help emotionally while franziska is#just. immune. he could get properly angry and she'd just pull out the condescension card until his spite won over and made him do shit#i also say from this family because i know maya could get him out of it. it'd take longer because for all their banter she is actually#quite gentle with him when it comes to serious things like this like in jfa. i do think she feels the age difference between them sometimes#but franziska would barrel through unperturbed and that's what you need sometimes.#also dont think that phoenix really did need much help since he's so 'work now feel later' but you know. if the depression slump is the#narrative we're going with.#him and franziska are just really important to me actually. i like their weird friendship so much
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actually y'know what i guess i'll talk about it while i'm here
i think about this scene a lot regarding him and (obviously) this episode in general, but especially when slinkman is like... actually a character that gets development and changes over the course of the show, it really does say a lot to me
and with the placement of scenes here, it's right in between lazlo, raj and clam getting slinkman to muster up the courage to show off his past aspirations, to give it another go, only to be reminded of how all that turned out, panic, and flee back to what's comfortable... aaand in between him finding out everything is actually lumpus' fault, and very purposefully sabotaging a budding dream, at that
and i think he's sort of gone through life in this way for a long time, this humble and passive acceptance of the roles and duty he's been placed in, of the world around him deciding who he's supposed to be. especially to lumpus. a best friend, sure, but nowadays an assistant, an emotional support crux to keep him (and the camp) from falling apart. i've always ran along with the idea that running camp together was lumpus' idea from the start, and look how it's turned out
i love how he says "pull yourself together", too, the tone he has as if he's scolding himself for daring to think or try to be anything like that again, that he should know better by now, when the moment's far passed
although, i don't think fame and danger/excitement are what he really wants out of life, even deep down — not anymore, at least. in the end, it's a lot more about healthy self development and sort of taking back "control" of his own path in life, right? and at the same time, a little of all that now and then wouldn't hurt...
see i've been typing this out for an hour but forget everything i just said and let's get slinkman a motorcycle
#camp lazlo#talk#slinkman#analysis#and okay maybe i am little obsessed with him tying the neckerchief here but#it's just such a good way to... show this little moment i guess#looking right in the mirror#i'm a bit specific about slinkman too so keeping this in mind while figuring out post-story stuff is interesting actually#because the ''what do you really want to do now?'' question does have to come again...!#and it'd be pretty easy to have him chase this sort of thing again; to even take over as scoutmaster; and that is sort of#the ''obvious'' thing to do; right?#but maybe i just have other thoughts about how he's changed#(...and i just am not really convinced that slinkman as scoutmaster would be very entertaining without lumpus to bounce off of LOL)#cus another thing that i think sort of dominates his life is like... monotony#working is like breathing to this fucking guy#and i feel like he could really use some summer vacation himself#let's get him a motorcycle. okay. i need to think about this#another great thing about this episode is that i love pretty much any and all instances of slinkman sticking it to lumpus in some way#(talking about two fictional characters fighting with each other) it's fun; it's healthy; it's free!#and the background music here before it's crashed by lumpus... LOL
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What you ever thought about doing a soft version of bombeep??
well thought is I've been asked about soft bombeep before actually but I never knew and still don't how to make a good whitty that would fit but whatever, just going with vibes now so ye lets go
slightly darker clothing and such related things bc reasons but also sometimes wearing cat ears and a mask in an effort to look less intimidating to people bc he's just a big softie obviously uwu
#bombeep#soft!bombeep#I guess ha#regular au whitty is just a big softie aswell ofc but soft whitty is even softer yet looks more scary maybe so lol makes sense#making soft whitty edgier looking than usual is a totally valid way to go right lol the cat ears make up for it I think lol#he also got eyeliner and rings and a choker and probably a silver chain aswell he's getting all the drip lol fun stuff#soft bf uh I kept his regular shade of the skin and the hair that I usually use for basic bf bc he just looked too pale to me otherwise ha#rest is mostly the soft colors anyways so ye#gave him some pastel nail polish bc idk I feel like it'd fit bc ye#whitty also got nail polish man they both got nails now they never had that before oh geez#also bf's hair is drawn slightly different idk probably won't affect the regular doodles just tried something different I guess lol#for the softer look I guess it works ha#also idk anything abt the soft mod and the story so just take this as an au of an au if things don't fit tbh I'm just vibin lol#anyways basic pose is basic and doodle kinda lazy but not gonna complain too much so#take it or leave it#fnf au#fnf soft au#fnf shipping#boyfriend#whitty#bf#soft!bf#soft!whitty#or well soft enough I guess lol#I draw what I want#thanks for the suggestion#stay groovy friendo
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doodles and some lore. I'm tired.
#Jay does this thing on second dates where he tests the other person#he wants to make sure they'd like all of him. every part of him that may throw others off or realize he's insane#Matt and Jay were friends during high school. dated in college and broke up just before finding out Jay was pregnant#they decided to co-parent Mona and just view one another as friends#Mona really likes Don and Tk. loves Peter. though dislikes Lucy quite a bit because of how much she hears Jay complain about her with Matt#Mona is very close with Jay despite living with Matt and only coming over to Jay during the holidays/some weekends#Jay moved into the complex about a year prior to meeting Peter. he's had 5 roommates since moving in#Lucy has been the worst compared to the rest but is the only one Jay tolerates (since she's young and reminds him of himself. pretransition#Jay and Don hated each other in the beginning. only really bonded over talking shit about a neighbor#and Jay saying “anyway I gotta finish watching the game.” Don saying how he wanted to too but his tv is fucked so they watch together#Tk does have feelings for Jay but Jay just can't take the hint. he simply just thinks he's making jokes and is very kind#Jay really cares about Lucy. he often checks up on her when she's out and buys her dinner if he didn't make anything for them#and she ofc tries to make his life easier by cleaning the apartment making him coffee in the mornings etc etc#also Jay and Don sometimes just talk about marriage. how both of theirs didn't work out (I headcanon that for Don)#how it'd go - Don: I just wish I showed her how much I cared... Jay: I chased mine down with a knife. didn't kill her though. I promise.#Jay also calls Don's kid (the cop) Don Jr. he doesn't mind it that much. it's mainly cause Jay never remembers his name#my art#yb peter#Yb don#Void#Jay#Yb tk#Yb lucy#none of them die btw. Peter kills some guy who treated Jay poorly#the entirety of Jay and Peter's relationship before the abduction takes place over June#I say so cause it was a bit alarming to Tk. Don and Matt how fast Jay was rushing into the relationship and such#anyway uhh idk what else to say
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I was wondering if there are any rare happy ritsu moments in ur zombie au since hes always miserable I think,, like is he always miserable or is he happy/not miserable and feeling kinda good sometimes?
VWHDGDGD NO YEAH OFC HE'S HAPPY SOMETIMES im just horrible and enjoy putting him through misery
ive never been able to get a genuine smile to look right on his face in my art style either i think thats part of it. as ive said his face is just built to be mildly uncomfortable and bothered and i lean into it sm it's starting to get kinda funny
but yes ritsu is happy plenty! i think, canonically, he just seems like the type of person to me that tends to turn lemonade back into lemons. he's easy to scare and his first reaction to things is often Dread and Anxiety. he dwells on the negatives a lot and seems to be a "hope for the best, expect the worst," kinda guy, but there's a section in this post abt shigeo always loving the little things in life, and ritsu steadily learns throughout the journey on how to do that and how healing it can rly be. even if he had to grow up too fast during this whole thing and learn things a kid should never have to, the journey also gave him some good insight and lessons in other places! ritsu is smart, he figures it all out
in terms of little things here n there he's the happiest lil guy on the planet when he finds one of his favorite foods—swings his legs while he sits and munches on a kitkat bar like he's got absolutely nothin in the world to worry abt. sometimes mob does smth funny that he laughs at; for the longest time i've had this silly image in my head of mob accidentally knocking down a bucket from a store shelf and it lands on his head and he just kinda stands there and makes noises.when the noises continue out of pure curiosity about the weird echoey quality it's giving them ritsu cannot help but lose it
besides tiny things tho, when tome comes around ritsu in general is a lot happier, just cuz he has somebody to talk to that will actually respond in some way. they're sorta reluctant partners in crime at first (at least on ritsu's end) but over time and over bonding they grow to rly like each other's presence. they bicker constantly but it's almost always fond eventually, and they shove each other and playfight until mob gets antsy enough to get worked up about it. rly, tome is a godsend to ritsu's mental health—after months and months of being effectively alone with his thoughts, he finally has another person to converse with. a person His Age, too!
tome is rly good at knowing when ritsu is thinkin himself into oblivion and she's Also rly good at being the most annoying girl on the planet to yank him outta that and replace any misery with Oh My God Get Off Me You Freak. she doesn't even do this on purpose at first, but over time she learns how to tell when he's thinking too hard and, ofc, she's grown attached and she cares, so she's as obnoxious as possible to lighten the mood
when they find reigen n teru, ritsu gradually gets Much happier still. now that he knows they're safe and the gang is finally back together (and now that there's an Adult present and he can relax a lil and let himself be taken care of) his stress levels r exponentially lowered. having teru back is another instant lift to his mood—im always a big fan of teru and ritsu friendship, and i think adding tome to their dynamic simply makes it more chaotic. truly a trio of the 3 most normal teenagers in existence which will surely bring nothing but good (reigen sweats offscreen)
actually this makes me feel bad for forever torturing him im gonna go draw happy zau ritsus brb ,.,.ok imback <3
#qktalks#anon#zombie au#tw guns#<- for that glock in the corner . sorry#actually it looks like he's at gunpoint in that one and just going teehee about it#he looooooves tormenting tome .and tome loves tormenting him. it's their favorite pastimes#i don't rly like the second one too much tbh the sleeves are weird but i think that's just the Nature of how poofy they can get#oh this is a great time to talk abt their dynamic. sorry.this ask isn't abt that.but now it is#so i realize that tome and ritsu ??? don't rly interact in canon at all. and neither do tome and teru . as a matter of fact#but consider. uhm.what ifthey did <3 GVYIEAV#like i said they're all So incredibly normal it'll make for a great time#^ genuinely i do think so actually. most of the time anyway#i touched on it a lil bit in recondite but i rly like the idea of mob ritsu tome and teru all being a friend group#teru would undoubtedly piss tome off sometimes she'd call him out on his bullshit#but like.in terms of the canon timeline i think post-mob teru would Totally listen to her#and take what she says abt How he is into consideration. he's trying to rebuild himself into somebody better#teru and ritsu already have a dynamic in canon but it feels pretty loose and it isn't fully explored at all#i think they work together rly well tho. there's no real evidence to the contrary iirc i think they work together in canon quite well#they think alike in terms of fighting#and in a setting like this‚ once teru is on the same page as ritsu on zombies‚ they're prolly a pretty damn good team#there's a lot of room for things to go wrong tho#if i had to sum it up rly succinctly it'd be: ritsu's motive is fear‚ tome's motive is curiosity‚ and teru's motive is power#what i mean by teru's being power is Not the pre-mob teru ''wanting'' to be powerful and unstoppable#i mean teru wants to have power over everything that is trying to hurt them#he doesn't Want to cower he wants to Fight tooth and nail#and i think ritsu's fear versus tome's curiosity and teru's drive of power conflicts a lot#ritsu is passive in the sense that he'll do anything in his power to avoid altercations with anything to order to keep mob safe#he isn't Active until something goes Wrong. and usually things go Wrong when teru and tome rush ahead#WOW sorry i went on a rant that was Completely unrelated to the fucking question. im at the 30 tag limit bye
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[Peek-a-boo!] (Patreon)
#Doodles#Deltarune#Spamton#Everyone can see you coming Spamton you're not exactly a master of sneakery#Dunno lol ♪ Just a silly little set#I think I was watching something that had someone peek around a corner but with a long lead-in of some kind? I can't recall now#But either way I thought it'd be cute to see him coming before he came lol - a periscope with no vision attached!#Oh lawd he comin#I rather like how the wall lines all fall into place reading down the line haha ♪ I did it on purpose and it worked! Love when that happens#I feel a bit out of practice but I also don't have much for new ideas at the moment so I guess that's fine too lol#He's still cute and that's the important part
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Thinking abt Sif Odile duo looping au again and I wanna be able to plot everything out more coherently but act 5 eternally looms overhead and boy I do not wanna look up
#rat rambles#stars posting#like I have a vague idea of some of the like themes I imagine being present late game but it doesnt change the fact that act 5 isnt very#duo looper au friendly especially in this case with most of the ideas I have#I rly want it to be both a breaking point for them as individuals and a breaking point for their relationship but idk how to go about that#fully taking the rest of the party into account especially since Im not even sure if I wanna give odile her own friendquests#like I Could but I also think it'd be fun for many reasons to not#and even if I Did itd be hard to justify having both be able to happen and go wrong in one loop#and theres not rly a good solution to that I think so my best bet is probably to just leave odile friendquestless#but Id rly like to still have odile quarrel with the rest of the party in a significant way#idk maybe it can be the scene where sif comes back to the lighthouse or smth?#like he comes back and odile just completely lashes out at him or smth and the others get rly upset with her#but then theres also the whole walk through the house that I have to figure out and Im also not set on how that should go#maybe it can be like reality almost splitting as they both try to use timecraft at the same time?#not sure how Id go about portraying that in story though since the rest of the party cant rly experience that I think#Im sure theres some way you could pull that off tho Im just too tired to have any good ideas atm#and then the biggest bastard comes in. mal moments.#like I cant just put them both there! that's not how that works!#and I dont wanna just leave them mostly vanilla thats boringgggg#but Id probably have to. alas.#afterwards is also a bit fuzzy but I have rhe general idea down#me and the bestie when we both made the same wish but dont know that and have both been falling into a spiral over it#(we dont even realize that the part of the wish that was the exact same was the core of the wish)#(we both just thought that we accidentally trapped the other with us in this hell)#(we also have been actively getting worse at communicating for months now so by the time the wishcraft stuff came up we were both deep in#the no feelings talky talk zone)#(we probably should have known smth was up when everyone started consistently thinking that we had a fight every loop)#(maybe we did but we just didnt want to admit they were right)#god I wish I was more confident with writing odile dialogue I wanna draw scenes from this au so bad#it doesnt help that I got too comfortable being into a media that had like 3 fans and now ppl might actually look at what I create
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sits here. my mood has been swinging back and forth like a pendulum lately
#i still can't bring myself to make anything art-wise. and it is ripping me to shreds internally#i have no motovation whatsoever and i'm feeling disgusted by my creations. like that's the best you could do huh mixer?#i dunno. trying to keep calm. i'm going to my uncle's tomorrow to puppysit for 3 days#i'm happy that i'll see puppy but being out of my house will be stressful.#plus i've still got work to go to...#and i need to do the laundry and take out the trash and stop buying uber eats and forward my snap benefits email and.#and later today after high school lets out i'm going to talk with an old teacher i had#i need to change my bedding too..#i at least took a shower yesterday#i think my ptsd has been acting up in the background or something#my other uncle tries to tell me to let go of the past. but i don't want to. my past has forever impacted the way i'll be for the rest of-#-my life yk? and my 'past' wasn't even that long ago. it was 2/3 years ago. and my brother's still with that awful man#i can't pull him away from him.#i just wanna sleep. might take a sleep med early just to take a nap#i've been hating everything i make so like. why even try yk.#i drew one thing while i was hospitalized- a tiny sane jack head#i dunno. i dunno. i feel so empty. my depression's been super bad. i don't enjoy things that once made me happy#i feel so aimless. i'm thinking about going to college but i have to see what scholarships would be available because i can't work this job#WHILE in school. it'd wear me to the bone#i don't want to quit my job though. i like my job. i like my boss and my coworkers..#i dunno. idfk what's wrong with me anymore. i just want the pain to stop man.#i dunno what i want to do with myself but i feel like a. fuck it ik it's from firework but i feel like a plastic bag in the wind#i'm so tired. i miss my mom. i miss my sister. i miss my brother.#vent#delete later
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thinking about Kevin Day on this awful day
#specifically thinking about him having ocd#maybe not in canon but like just a thing to consider#idk something about jean saying all he's capable of is bottomless guilt made me go hmmmm interesting#also him having a borderline eating disorder and sticking religiously to his routines#maybe so he can feel any semblance of control in his life#him feeling simultaneously guilty for what happens to the foxes bc what if he did something wrong that day#what if he strayed from his routine a little too much and it caused all of this#but also him feeling panicked at the potentiality of not being able to play exy bc it's the only part of his life he *can* control fully#or he thinks he can anyways#idk if that's how ocd works tbh but I think it'd be interesting to write a kevin pov from that perspective#I'm kinda drawing from my experience having an ed and I used to get really angry and hostile when things got in the way of my routine#so kevin's bitchy behaviour makes sense in that context#other than being raised in a cult with a strict routine (and in part bc of it)#maybe he feels like if he doesn't stick to it then it will all go to shit#also do you think he blames himself for his broken hand......#this probably doesn't make sense#kevin day
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