#it feels bittersweet

[melljam]

gungoo over the years

[katyspersonal]

Ayyyy 3 years of Bloodborneing! I am old now xD 🎉

I checked my @katyahina main, that existed many months before this blog, and.. damn, I really HAVE been into Bloodborne for 3 years! Not just that, but I've kept missing the proper day because I misremembering joining in Spring and not Winter. But.. yeah!

^ This meme was how my Bloodborne fan era technically started. It was the first thing I've posted on it, after about a month of passionate discussions with my friends who played it.. and then fishbowlcarnage, a super based Soulsborne blog that unfortunately deactivated year later, liked it and followed me instantly. I've just started to take first steps towards being "properly" online in social media after a seriously horrible and long period in my life, and having that sense of 'a cool person' giving me attention again, after all that time? Yeah, I felt like I could not pull the 'it was just a joke, I do not intend to post more Bloodborne!!' after something so significant. Look, I was very sad, and in shards from after leaving abusive relationship that were a huge part of my "isolation" from sane people. Still, I think it is funny that I might not even have stayed around in this fandom, had it not been a single person giving me a hand at the most important time. She never knew how meaningful it was for me, and never will now (genuinely hope she is fine, wherever she is..)

But afterwards I started drawing and loredigging more! This aesthetic and this type of storytelling was absolutely nothing like what I was used to, so it was very hard to whip my art into a more "serious" shape after years of round, cute and cartooney stuff. And even harder to connect so many vague hints and scattered lore scraps! I thought I was losing my mind upon discovering my first theories. Heck, I swear I learned what growing eyes on the inside felt like XD @val-of-the-north was there for me on every step on the way, he remembers me screaming at how bad it hurt my brain and how I was losing sanity dsfhjdfs In the end, my brain did get completely rewired in terms of media analysis and how I create things. I think I will never be the same. Admittedly, I am so, so, SO thankful to my former self for discovering all theories on my own, instead of instantly socialising and taking hot takes, theories and designs in the fandom as a reference. Talking with other fans significantly improved my interpretations and theories, but the best way to go is to first have your own version, so it can be refined upon interactions. Rather than just letting what's already there decide for you, you feel?

Granted, it's been painful 3 years for at least 5 significant reasons, and time flew really fast. Sometimes I regret having joined the fandom instead of being the 'unreachable' fan (the one that just posts theories and fanart without ever actually interacting with other fans). Watching the best, the most level-headed and interesting fandom in my life rot into a clown mess of 'cool kids' cliques, hierarchies and division, discourse, passive aggression, toxicity, gospel headcanons, snobbish treatment of any fan that didn't grab a beer with an "influencer" at the Discord and resentment towards fans who are actually passionate was PAIN. I hoped this kind of rot that kills every other small fandom could never touch US, but alas.

On the other hand, accepting that all good things should rot one day is important part of any engagement. Resisting what's natural end only makes things worse. ...that sounded like a very Soulsborne-moment. Besides, all pain (personal one or 'on behalf of my community' one) was worth the knowledge and insights on nature of people I've gotten! I understand so much more, it is only fair that the price was so heavy. ....and that also sounded like a very Soulsborne-moment. And at the same time, while I was raving like a grumpy old man about "better simpler times", even older fans came towards me to admit that actually this is not a novelty but just a more annoying form of it, and the community knew at least two previous 'cycles' of rising and then rotting like this. So in the end it doesn't matter, and some day things will improve again, only to get ruined again. ..... *sighs* and is not it a fucking Soulsborne-moment yet AGAIN.

I am still glad that I was able to find the interest in these awesome stories, and that I've found such good friends. I think in the end, the biggest reason why these games have such unreal grip on me is that they understand me like no other piece of media did. With all previous things I've been into, I was the one trying to understand them, but here, ironically considering my lore essays, it is understanding me. The despair, the endless existential crisis, the traumas, the doubts, the struggle to remember what's the reason to even live and hope is, observations on society I've had on instinctive level despite intellectual disabilities but could never articulate... the nightmares, too. But this is even better that I've found people who can understand me through how I understand it. I can't go back to how I used to socialise before the nightmare everything has been spiralling as for several years, the trust issues run far too deep and control me far too much, but I feel as alive as someone in my position could be here. And this matters.

[curiiouserandcuriouser]

it's been a while but i am returning to my tried and true hobby of Whining About School On My Tumblr Account (this time with added nostalgia!)

[jupiter-suggestion]

consider the sperm whale and the squid. an ancient rivalry that dates back millions of years. we know the whales eat the squids. we know the squids do not make it easy for them. we know this because of the scars the whales carry, scars on the outside of their body, and on the inside as well. how badly must you want something to endure wounds inside your mouth? inside your gut?

consider the whale, who is harmed by what sustains her. consider the squid, whose flesh is soft and delicious but refuses to go down easy.

[hinamie]

in spite of everything, I had fun <3

[dangeroustaintedflawed]

[calmao666]

We meet at the appointed place

[avenoirn]

brothers, wherever we are

[beaulesbian]

ARCANE 1.08 || 2.01

[lotus-pear]

"feels like we could go on for forever this way.." (x)

[itsajollyjester]

"No I've got it!"

[formulaonedirection]

We had some good times didn't we / goodbyes are bittersweet

[jsheios]

doodle

[gillionmeowstrider]

absence of warmth.

based off this post by @theratdruid

[hinamie]

new official illust of them with puppies healed something in me

[aventurineswife]

aventurine x reader, but they both worked in the IPC together, until Reader faked their death to escape it. Aventurine kinda loses himself for a bit, but is sent on another planetary mission (idk what ipc assignments are called 😔) he notices one of the citizens looks a bit too much like a previous friend

Reader realizes Aventurine found them, and feeling too scared to face him after never saying goodbye, warning or anything, they run off to a secluded area aven follows them to, and boom we get angsty argument, bittersweet love confession, and happy or sad ending up to u!!

i hope this made sense

The Gamble of Lost Hearts | Part 1

Summary: After faking your death to escape the IPC and live a quiet life, You encounters Aventurine years later on a remote planet. Desperate to avoid facing him after leaving without a word, You run, but Aventurine tracks you down to demand answers.

Tags: Aventurine x Reader, angst, reunion, faked death, confrontation, bittersweet, passionate kiss, unresolved feelings, hurt/comfort, happy ending.

Warnings: Intense emotions, mention of grief and faked death, brief argument, bittersweet themes, kissing.

A/N: Thank for the request, Anon! Of course it made sense and I hope you like it!! I decided to go for a happy ending but lmk if you want a sad ending too 😇🤭

(Part 2)

The tall silhouette of the IPC headquarters still felt like a ghostly shadow looming over you, even on this remote planet. You'd spent years running from it, from him, leaving behind everything you knew to escape the endless cycles of high-stakes deals and veiled dangers. Faking your death was your only way out. A drastic choice, but one that had kept you free.

For the most part, it had worked. You’d blended into a quiet, new life here, far from the frenetic energy and luxurious intrigue of IPC. But today was different. A mission had arrived from IPC. You hadn’t realized who would be leading it—hadn’t dared to imagine he would come to this far-flung place.

And yet, here you were, ducking down behind market stalls, holding your breath every time he brushed past. His sandy-blond hair, elegant stance, and that gambler’s grin that still haunted your memories—it was all here. And with him came a flood of feelings you'd kept buried for years.

Somewhere along the winding paths of this new city, you’d slipped. He'd caught sight of you, and that glimmer in his eyes told you he knew.

You didn’t waste time running. You veered down alleyways, taking shortcuts and dodging through side streets, ignoring the heart pounding in your chest. The cliffside path outside the city led to a hidden grove where you’d often retreat to watch the waves crash far below. Maybe there, he would lose your trail.

But there was no outrunning someone like him.

“Quite the bold tactic—faking your own death,” His smooth voice sounded just as you remembered, laced with that same easy charm but edged with something new—something raw. “Did you think I wouldn’t find you?”

You took a breath before facing him, his piercing gaze pinning you down as soon as you met his eyes. He stood mere steps away, looking as striking as ever, the faint roulette motif on his overcoat catching the last of the setting sun.

“Aventurine, I…” The words failed you. How could you explain years of silence? Of leaving him to mourn?

“I grieved you, you know.” His voice was soft, nearly breaking. “I searched, hoping it was all some misstep. Until the day I accepted you were…gone.”

The ache in his words stung worse than you’d anticipated. “I didn’t have a choice...” you whispered, but your words sounded feeble, empty even to yourself.

“No choice?” Aventurine scoffed, a bitter laugh escaping him. “We were supposed to be partners, weren’t we? You could have trusted me.” He took a step forward, anger blazing in his eyes. “But instead, you turned me into a fool. For years, I mourned a ghost while you built this quiet little life on the fringes.”

“You don’t understand,” you argued, feeling that familiar pang in your chest. “It wasn’t just about leaving IPC. I couldn’t… If I stayed, I would’ve lost myself. That place…it consumed everything.”

“And you think I don’t know that?” Aventurine’s voice softened, his hand reaching up to brush a strand of hair from your face, a tender gesture that held the weight of all the things left unsaid between you. “Do you think I didn’t want to leave with you?”

You swallowed hard, caught off guard by his words. The idea of Aventurine—the gambler, the thrill-seeker—longing to escape had never crossed your mind. But here he was, his eyes reflecting a deep sadness that mirrored your own.

“I’m sorry,” you murmured, the sincerity in your voice mixing with the regret that had gnawed at you all these years. “But I couldn’t drag you down with me.”

“You didn’t give me the choice.” he whispered, voice barely above a murmur. His eyes searched yours, desperate to find a reason, a justification that could somehow absolve the pain he’d carried all this time. And then, with a hint of frustration, he leaned in, capturing your lips in a fierce, desperate kiss. It wasn’t gentle—it was raw, full of the emotions he’d held back, the years he’d spent believing you were lost.

The kiss stole the words from your mouth, every excuse, every apology dissolving in the intensity of that single, electric moment.

When he pulled back, his hand still lingered at the side of your face, thumb tracing the faint line of your jaw as he gazed at you with a newfound resolve. “If you run again, I’m coming with you.” he murmured, his voice steadier now.

You met his gaze, realizing he meant it. There would be no more running, no more hiding. Aventurine wouldn’t let you.

“I’m not going anywhere,” you promised softly, the weight of your words sinking between you both. “Not without you.”

A flicker of a smile returned to his lips, tempered by the hurt that had yet to fully heal but brightened by the glimmer of hope that you could finally face whatever came next—together.