#it feels Good to be able to do this again and nice go talk so many people like this again
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eph3merall · 2 days ago
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the atmosphere seemed suffocating, already starting to sweat as you stalk inside the house trailing behind chris. you reminded him of a puppy right now, all nervous glances and tripping steps as you try to stay close. his eyes scope out a few of his friends and he daps them up quickly, only to jerk his chin at matt in greeting across the room.
when you let your gaze leave chris for a few seconds and he's quickly pushing past sweaty bodies in the crowd, you feel your heart drop before quickly hurrying behind him. a few awkward stares were pointed your way already since you walked in with chris—especially from girls. pretty girls.
you spy him greeting his brother as you scurry towards him—standing awkwardly as chris settles himself into the worn, old couch. you don't necessarily trust the couch, having seen the things that happen on it..
matt is taking a sip from his beer and gazing at you warmly, offering you a 'hey' as you smile at him. matt's always been really nice—he's another one of your good friends obviously, being brothers with chris. speaking of, he's tugging you down into his lap and you settle back into a familiar warmth.
"we're sellin' t'some girls, right? 'cus y'said you had some guys who wanted to buy from you too," you're suddenly engrossed in some random shit when chris starts talking to his brother, his hands resting firmly on your hips—only to shift them so they're looped gently around to pull you back some more. you hear bits and pieces of their conversation, but then again, it isn't anything you're interested in.
you're lost in your own head, or maybe you're zoned out. chris isn't exactly sure when he sees you just staring into nothing. one of his hands subconsciously rub at your side through the top you have on, head turned to the side to speak to matt. in the crowd of the party he can see nate playing beer pong with some girl hanging off his shoulder, a red solo cup in his hand.
a few minutes go by and chris is whispering your name directly into your ear, watching as you blink rapidly and turn your head back to glance at him like a deer in headlights. he hates how cute you look, despises the way a fuzzy feeling crawls into his chest just at the mere look of you. his lips part with no words coming out of them before he clears his throat and starts ushering you to get up off him.
"gotta go somewhere for a second, but matt's gonna be here, 'kay? stay here w'him," before the words even register in your head, chris is shoving away through the crowd. you blink at his retreating figure, feeling a hand pat you on your lower back a few times. matt is jerking his head to the side gently—silently ordering you to sit down and just relax a little.
flashy, colorful lights reflect off the rings adorning matt's fingers. he's sipping from a can of beer and scrolling on his phone, occasionally glancing at you just to make sure you're okay. it's really just confusion, is all, because chris just up and left so quickly for what? you sink further into the worn out couch, the loud music and pungent odor of alcohol and drugs making your nose scrunch.
you feel a hand nudge your side, turning your head to see matt glancing at you. his eyebrows raise, as if asking you if you were alright—knowing you wouldn't be able to hear him now with the amount of hoots and hollers that abruptly started. a nod of your head has matt rolling his tongue over his teeth before getting up and mouthing the words 'stay here' to you.
you would've protested, because you didn't really feel like staying here all alone without anyone you know. peering eyes dart all over, unfamiliar faces sparing a single glance at you and then focusing back on whatever they were doing. your lips purse as you sink further into the couch, uncomfortable and anxious with how loud the music suddenly is and how the atmosphere seems so heavy.
it feels like an eternity before matt is finally back, blinking when he hands you a plastic water bottle. he settles into the couch beside you again, sighing and taking his phone out to scroll on. the plastic crinkles under your hand as the cap unscrews—taking a big drink of the cold liquid.
you dont know how long its been. youve texted chris a few times, too scared to get up and search for him. all of the texts are marked 'delivered', and a quick glance to your phone screen tells you it's around 1 am. where is he? chris said he would drive you back home. your thoughts consume you, knee bouncing up and down as you start picking at your cuticles, chewing on your lower lip. matt spares you a glance with raised eyebrows, and a second later his hand is on your knee. "stop that," his voice is barely loud enough for you to hear in the cramped environment.
you spare matt a frown a few minutes later, glancing around only to see chris devouring a girls face off while shoving her upstairs. his hands are all over her, and vice versa, and you can only stare until the two are out of sight. huh? confusion runs a track through your mind. he said he would drive you back home tonight. and he promised.
matt is reassuring you when you explain to him what you saw, his lips tugging into a frown. "nah.. kid's fuckin' stupid. y'know this. sorry, though.. he's probably high as shit too," his words don't exactly help, but you end up giggling at some things the brunette says.
you aren't even sure why you feel so upset. it's not like you're stuck here, because matt can just drive you back to your place. maybe you don't realize the wave of jealousy that washes over you in waves, making you feel all disoriented and confused. perhaps you didn't realize the desire you felt to be in that girls place. maybe you wanted to feel important enough to him that he wouldn't forget you so easily.
"s'just.. annoying. chris always does this, y'know that, right kid? doesn't ever really stick to his word," matt grumbles and you just shrug.
"yeah. i guess so," and yeah, it's true. chris doesn't ever really stick to his promises.
@conspiracy-ash @sturniolosfavkayleigh @lvrsturniolo @st7rnioioss @meatballlover10 @ashlishes @ferdzom @55sturn @chriseatingmeoutin4k @unknvhx
©eph3merall 2024
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yourwhumppromptoftheday · 2 days ago
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Hello! My whumper is a demon king named castor, and my whumpee is named Quinn, although they aren’t truly mine so I won’t be doing the whumpee part
1. Acquiring whumpee-oh, it was quite easy. I put a tracker on a rebel and watched them go to their little base. We had a little raid, and I took them.
2. Choosing whumpee-It was clear they were the leader. Everyone panicked when I grabbed them, so I knew they were valuable.
3. Keeping whumpee-I know that they’re strong, and I can use that. I give them freedom but I can’t let them go until they tell me where my son is. I must find him.
4. Legality-Ahahhhaa! I make the laws, I can’t break them. The authorities have no right to stop me. If you’re concerned, however, section 3 paragraph 24 clause eight says that rebels do not have the right to try and stop any punishment. I’m fine
5. Open-ness-Well, I don’t parade them around, but a few of my advisors know that they exist.
6. Quinn has a very comfortable room in the castle, they’ve progressed enough to move out the cell. Even if the room locks on the outside
7. The entire castle is my “workplace” but I don’t bring them to most important decisions.
8. Quinn is quite confusing. They’re a rebel, and a terrible liar.
9. While I certainly don’t think of Quinn that way..their hair is nice. If I were ever going to kill them, I’d scalp them and keep it as a wig.
10. Quinn is mostly obedient, and they’ve come a long way. They used to spit on me and just spout insults all day.
11. I don’t have many rules. Dont leave, dont attack the guards, and dont roam without Alex, me, or a guard.
12. Oh, I bring out the good-ol whip. Always works.
13. I’ve tortured many people before. I won’t say that I’ve tortured Quinn. I’m just conditioning them. With others, I don’t let them rest. I’m being quite nice to Quinn here, they haven’t gotten their limbs removed in weeks!
14. Oh, I’d have to say I love skinning. My healer, Alex, is wonderful at fastly healing someone so I can do it all over again! It’s quite effective.
15. Quinns treats is being able to see their family, having a beautiful room, and being let outside. They’ve behaved enough to deserve these:
16. Possessive? I don’t care. Although I wouldn’t like anyone trying to take them..
17. A few pathetic escape attempts were made when they first got here. You know, darting through doors and sprinting down halls. I just drag them back.
18. Oh, when I got their family involved they certainly broke. They pretended to not care until I brought their little brother up. Oh, how they cried!
19. Their mine now. My soldier. They don’t belong to anyone else.
20. They can move about the castle and very soon, outside, as long as they have a chaperone.
21. Of course I’m doing the right thing! They’re a fucking rebel, what am I supposed to do, give them a cookie? I’ve never felt remorse.
22. I’d have them executed.
23. Alex, my medic, checks up on Quinn often. Healthy as a horse.
24. You have to find out what they care about. What they love. Then you exploit that.
25. I’ve certainly helped them learn that nobody is on their side. Nobody has tried to save them, and I make sure to let them know.
26. My guards are allowed to handle Quinn, and so is Alex. That’s about it.
27. Well, of course I allow them to talk. It helps me get information. Anyone can talk to them.
28. Boundaries are for nerds.
29. I’ve only known of Quinn through rumors before I got them.
30. Quinn gets quite good meals. When they first came here, I did “starve” them, but I never actually do it. I need them in top shape. I only give them the sensation of starving. It wasn’t effective, so I stopped.
31. I use them for information. As the rebel leader, they are also quite effective propaganda.
32. My ownership of Quinn shows the rebels that nobody is safe. That I am coming.
33. I don’t feel anything when I hurt Quinn. I get satisfaction when they tell me what I need to know, and that’s it.
34. Skip!
35. I used to have to restrain them as they got quite violent, but I don’t anymore. Locking them up in a room is enough. They do try and kill themself, but it’s not often enough I have to worry.
36. They’re just..so stubborn. Thats one thing I’ve tried to beat out of them.
37. They wear whatever’s in their wardrobe. I don’t stock it, I don’t know or care.
38. I have nothing to be punished for. I will remain as I am for centuries to come.
39. I believe in me. I am a god.
40. People don’t usually say anything about Quinn. I asked Alex and she said “..Quinn’s nice.” So, vague much?
41. I don’t use a collar. My command is enough to keep them “leashed”
42. No, they aren’t marked. They don’t have to be.
43. Release them? Hell no! They’ll run right back to their rebels with dozens of secrets.
44. Whenever I appear with them, I keep a firm grasp on them. Their propaganda; like I said.
45. I’ve sedated them when I needed to move them or if they need to calm down. I’ve drugged them to have horrible nightmares, because those will become reality if they don’t listen to what I say.
46. I’ve certainly never seen anyone try and rescue them. Or if they did, it was a pathetic enough attempt I never noticed them.
47. I put a roof over their head. I give them clothes, a comfy bed, luxury food, books to read.
48. Hm. I can’t say I remember doing it, but I probably have.
49. Only if it’s important, okay?
50. Haha! You can try but you’ll lose a few fingers
💫Whump ask game!💫
🔸Most suitable for non-BBU pet whump but can be used for whatever
🔸Anyone can use and reblog, nsfwhumpers included :)
🔸We're bringing tumblr ask culture back and ensuring no one is left excluded - sending an ask to the blog y'all reblogged it from is highly encouraged! I'll send an ask too! :)
🔸A little inspired by a wonderful ask post I wasn't able to reblog or visit that person's tumblr. Y'all hear me out. No block can stop me from playing whump ask games.
🔥For Whumper🔥
1) How did you acquire your whumpee? How hard it was?
2) From all the possibilities, why did you pick your whumpee rather than anyone else?
3) Why do you keep your whumpee captive? Why won't you let them go?
4) Is everything you do to your whumpee legal? Do you have to hide it from the authorities?
5) How open are you about keeping your whumpee?
6) Where does your whumpee live?
7) Do you bring your whumpee to your workplace? How about bringing them to your social activities?
8) How would you describe your whumpee?
9) Tell me about your whumpee's prettiest features!
10) How does your whumpee behave around you? How much did it change from the moment of capture?
11) What rules do you have for your whumpee?
12) What do you do if your whumpee misbehaves?
13) Have you ever tortured anyone aside from your whumpee? If so, what's the difference between your torture techniques for your whumpee and for others?
14) Your favorite torture method?
15) Do you give your whumpee any gifts, rewards or treats? If so, what are they? If you don't, why?
16) How possessive you are about your whumpee?
17) Has your whumpee ever tried to run away from you? What would you do/have done in that case?
18) Did you finally break your whumpee? How hard it is/was?
19) Does your whumpee fully belong to you? If not, why?
20) Is your whumpee allowed to move freely? How much?
21) Do you believe you're doing the right thing? Have you ever felt guilty about what you do to your whumpee?
22) What would you do if someone tried to take your whumpee from you?
23) Does your whumpee receive any medical care or health checks? If so, where?
24) Any advice on brainwashing or conditioning?
25) Have you made your whumpee learn something aside from rules and behavior lessons?
26) Do your friends/teammates/coworkers help you to tame your whumpee? Do you allow anyone to handle them?
27) Do you allow anyone else to talk to your whumpee?
28) Do you respect your whumpee's boundaries?
29) Did you know your whumpee before capturing them?
30) How often do you feed your whumpee? Have you ever used food as punishment?
31) What do you use your whumpee for?
32) Does your ownership of whumpee mean anything symbolic for you? Do you make any sort of statement by keeping them?
33) How would you describe the feelings you ger from owning/hurting your whumpee?
34) Have you trained your whumpee to obey your commands? How so?
35) Do you need to restrain your whumpee often? How and why so?
36) What do you dislike about your whumpee?
37) Do you decide on your whumpee's clothes? If so, what do you usually make them wear?
38) Do you ever believe you could be punished for your deeds, whether in your lifetime or after?
39) Could you tell me a bit about your values? How would you describe what you believe in?
40) What do other people usually say about your whumpee?
41) Do you use a collar or a leash on your whumpee? Do they have to wear it everyday, or only on special occasions?
42) Is your whumpee marked as your captive/possession in any way? How so?
43) Have you ever considered returning or releasing your whumpee?
44) Do you ever appear with your whumpee in public? If so, how do you make sure they won't run away?
45) Have you ever drugged or sedated your whumpee? Why?
46) Has anyone ever tried to search for your whumpee or rescue them? How do you prevent them from succeeding?
47) Which aspects of comfort do you allow your whumpee to have, if you do so?
48) Do you ever discipline/torture your whumpee when they didn't do anything wrong? For maintenance, for showing off, just because you felt like it?
49) Would you mind me to see your whumpee? Could you bring or call them to come here?
50) Your whumpee is so pretty! Can i pet them? Please :)
🌼For Whumpee🌼
1) When did you meet your whumper for the first time? How was it like?
2) What were you doing before capture? What could you tell about your life back then?
3) How were you captured?
4) Were you taken specifically for whumper from the start, or there was another reason at first?
5) Have you ever been interrogated? For what reason? Were you tortured there?
6) Do your friends or family know you're here? Do you think they miss you?
7) Have you ever planned your escape? If so, do you think it's gonna work? (We won't tell anyone)
8) How would you describe your whumper?
9) How strict your whumper has been with you?
10) At which points are you most scared of your whumper?
11) What are your thoughts on why is your whumper keeping you there?
12) Which of your whumper's rules you find harder to obey?
13) How much time are you forced to spend by your whumper's side?
14) Do you think anyone would be able to find or rescue you?
15) Have you ever tried asking anyone for help? If so, how did they react?
16) Do you hide from your whumper? Does it help? How long it takes for them to find you?
17) How often do you fight or resist your whumper? How do they react?
18) Does your whumper make you sleep in their bed?
19) Does your whumper take you outside? For walks, for any interesting places, for visiting their friends?
20) Do you have a comfort thing to feel better/safer? Does your whumper know about it?
21) Does your whumper provide you with any things of entertainment to do in your spare time?
22) Does your whumper try to brainwash you?
23) Do you have anyone to talk to aside from your whumper?
24) How often does your whumper punish you? Why?
25) Which punishment method do you hate the most?
26) Do you like it when your whumper holds or touches you? How often would they do that?
27) Has your whumper ever made you wear something you hate?
28) What do you prefer to do to comfort yourself when you've been hurt or feeling sad?
29) Do you remember how long you've been captive?
30) Does your whumper use any pet names for you? What are their favorite? Do you like them as well?
31) How much privacy do you have?
32) Where do you feel safer - with lots of people in the room or with your whumper alone?
33) How do your whumper's friends/coworkers treat you? Do they pay attention to you?
34) Did your whumper ever threaten to hurt your family or friends? Have they actually done that?
35) If you were given an opportunity to escape, what would you do? Where would you run to?
36) What does your whumper usually force you to do? Which of these things do you hate the most?
37) How often do you get sick? Do you get someone to take care of you in that case?
38) Have you ever been afraid to fall asleep? Why so?
39) What does your whumper usually say to you? Does he give more threats or compliments?
40) Does your whumper listen to your pleads, complaints or requests? What would you never ask them for even if you absolutely needed?
41) How does your whumper usually act around his friends or coworkers? Does he try to be a good person for them?
42) How much do you miss your past life, if you do so? Which aspects of it do you miss the most?
43) Are you afraid to die?
44) If you knew you'd end up like that, what would you do differently in your life?
45) Is there anything you said or did that could've led to your capture? If so, do you regret it?
46) If you could become an animal, which one would you choose? Why?
47) How much have you changed since the first day in captivity?
48) Do you have any plans or hopes for the future now?
49) Tell everything you've ever wanted to say to your whumper (we won't tell anyone!)
50) Share one of your happiest moment of freedom for us!
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prettyboykatsuki · 1 day ago
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kaiser with a kind motherly manager who says "you did great!" or "good job!" after a successful interview/press appearance and it sounds like she's praising a dog who just learned a new trick. kind of baby talking him just a little without realizing and he gets so bricked up and immediately bothered by it that he like. speed walks out of the room.
its so bad for him KSDHFJ
its like. the important part of this is that he really kind of rejects the relationship at first i think. kaiser is such a huge pain to deal with and his agency has bounced him through like several diff managers and they've all been driven completely insane by him - men and women. and so they take a different approach and instead of giving someone more professional, they have u step up to the plate
and you're like. an impenetrable wall. you have some experience with kids (maybe your own, maybe just childcare) and it's enough that it makes you this like source of complete Calm. its so easy for people to get annoyed with kaiser
its on purpose too. he knows exactly what buttons to push to make people angry and it's rare someone can get under his skin very sincerely. he figures you'll be just like the rest of them and give up on trying to be his friend or reason with him eventually. they all do.
but. But. you're Maternal in a way that makes kaiser feel like a kid throwing a tantrum any time he does or says things. no matter what kind of insults or berating he does you're just Firm. basically gentle parenting him. AND you're persistent about him.
one time, very much joking, kaiser does something you ask the first time and you practically Beam at him. and maybe just as a reaction, you sort of ruffle his hair and smile with your eyes crinkled and go "see? wouldn't it be nice if you could be a good boy like this all the time?"
instant hard-on. fuck fuck fuck fuck his life fuck everything. thankfully you dont notice but he does and he thinks about ending it all.
and then. subconsciously. he does get just the SLIGHTEST bit more agreeable. just a little tiny bit. and everytime he acts half decent you do the thing again. you really are very Motherly. you're an older woman so he guesses it makes sense but sometimes the way you tell him you'll treat him to dinner after a good match makes him feel the full extent of it. its very mother and her troubled son and he is Less Against that then he should be. the lines are sooooo blurry.
he wants to fight it so bad and he tries so hard but he has a wet dream about you in a way that makes him feel like he's regressed. if he was normal he could pass it off as a crush but the dream is of you letting him suck your tits while you give him a handjob and he stops being able to deny what it is and it plagues and ruins his life.
i think he comes onto you eventually. and it is genuinely in an attempt to push you away and make you disappointed. but then you flip it on him and give him a sexual favor and pull his pants back up for him afterwards and pat his thigh and he's so panicky and Oh No
its so bad JKDFHFSJKD. its so so bad you ruined him and he also becomes possesive over you in a distinct way. it's so misplaced like he's proving freud very right because you're not his mom. you're not.
but the kind of entitlement and the way you are the object of his sexual desire can only be attributed to some weird mother son shit. mind you not a mommy kink. there's not really a roleplay to it for him. he just kind of blatantly wants you to mother him. and it's so so so bad. he's such a freak
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haveateadude · 14 hours ago
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hi again ems!! (hope its okay if i call you that 😭) im the one who sent the last req, you wrote it so wonderfully. thanks for your concerns, wishing you the best !!
no pressure once again!! could you possibly write fluff about els taking you on a lil picnic to a flower field ? thank you once again!! 💗💗
picnic date
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summary *. ⋆ ⋆·˚ picnic day with your lover
warnings *. ⋆ ⋆·˚ none, this is pure fluff i think
author notes *. ⋆ ⋆·˚ hey!! omg your welcome to the person who sent this!!! i love uuu. i hope you like this one :)) also it's totally okay to call me em!! please feel free to send more request if you'd like!!!
and i'm so fucking sorry this took too long and it's too short. i've been busy lately but i have a week of online classes bc of some weird shit going on in my country so i hope i'll be able to write more.
have a good day everyone❤️
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Ellie takes you on a date. A picnic date, precisely. She knows you've been stressed lately, and she thought taking you out might help take your mind off things—at least for a while. You knew it would be lovely, but not like this. This is beautiful. Going to a flower field has always been on your bucket list, let alone having a picnic with the person you love most.
"Ellie!" you exclaim. "Why did you—I mean… Shit. This is beautiful."
Ellie leaves the basket of food on the blanket, then stands behind you, wrapping her arms around you and placing a kiss on your neck.
"You deserve this," she says, resting her chin on your shoulder as you look out at the flower field. It feels like a dream—dating her has always felt this way. "I hope you enjoy it. It took me a while to find a place like this."
You turn around, and her hands never leave your body; they settle on your hips now. "I love this."
The sun peeks through the clouds and shines directly into her eyes and along the curve of her nose. You’ve always thought she’s pretty—but in moments like this, when it’s just the two of you with nothing to do but enjoy each other’s presence, she looks ethereal. You kiss her, both of your hands on her cheeks.
"Thank you for bringing me here," you say as you both sit down. "Really, you didn't have to."
"I wanted to." She shrugs, smiling. "I thought we should do something nice; it's been a while since we've had time for ourselves."
You lean in for another kiss, which Ellie returns happily.
"God," you say, letting your head rest on her shoulder, "What did I do to deserve you?"
"You're asking me that?" she says, incredulous. "You're the prettiest, smartest, sweetest, and coolest girl I've ever met… How could I not love you? That's the real question."
You feel your cheeks flush, a warm pink spreading across your face as you look up at her. You’ve always thought Ellie was prettier than you—hell, you’ve always thought she was better at everything. She’s smart, beautiful, and always knows what to say. But the way she talks about you always makes you feel like she’s put you on a pedestal, for better or worse.
You chuckle, eyes bright with devotion. "I love you so much."
"I love you, too." Ellie’s the one to kiss you now, tucking a strand of hair behind your ear. "I really can't believe I'm dating you."
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After you finish eating, you eventually end up with your head resting on her lap. The sun has faded a bit, leaving blue and orange streaks scattered across the sky. It looks beautiful, you think, as Ellie tucks daisies into your hair, braiding a strand every now and then. It feels nice, her fingers brushing against your scalp.
"You look so sleepy, baby," Ellie chuckles, finishing with a kiss on your forehead. "Are you sure you don't want to head back?"
You shake your head and sit up. "Can we stay a while longer?"
Ellie doesn’t answer; she leans in for a kiss and gently guides you both to lie down until your back hits the ground, with her next to you, propped up on one elbow. One of her hands rests on your cheek, her thumb gently caressing your skin as you keep on kissing.
When you pull away, Ellie rests her head on your chest. You wrap your arms around her.
"I think we can stay here a little while longer."
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itsaspectrumcomic · 19 hours ago
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hey! before I begin, I wanted to say how much I love your comics!! the style and palettes are really soothing, and it's always nice to read them, relate heavily, and not feel quite such an oddball!! so thanks :]
I (very recently) received the results of my diagnosis for autism and adhd (I got both, and a couple other smaller things) and was wondering what things you did differently immediately after diagnosis that helped you? I've tried things like proper organisation and cleaning, keeping on top of deadlines for college as much as I am able, and trying to study as much as I can (a levels are very stressful even though I've only just started the course, and while these solutions are what's considered "good" by the college, its not really helping me as much as I would like)
a large part of the diagnosis was dedicated to brain function (I had the privelidge of being assessed privately, so the evidence was very detailed and thorough), and I scored stupidly high on vocabulary and language study. However, I feel like there's somewhat of a disconnect between the effort I've put in on my foreign language studies and the progress I'm seeing- I'm trying so so hard to understand grammatical concepts and absorb a lot of vocabulary in preparation for some smaller tests in the near future, but I'm not seeing the reward during lessons or even with preparation. I am fully aware that with all the work and effort I'm spending, I am closer than I would like to be to a meltdown and probably burnout, which I desperately want to avoid. It just feels that although my brain is wired for linguistic study, I feel like I'm falling behind or failing
I guess if you have any advice or anything that helped you once your diagnosis was confirmed, or tips for study, I would be greatly appreciative :]
Tldr: struggling with study and fearful of failure, any advice?
hnng I remember the stress of A levels, you couldn't pay me to go through that again 🫠
After being diagnosed I started to allow myself to unmask and stim in more obvious ways. Previously my stims had generally been pretty small, like flicking my fingers or wiggling a bit, but now I allow myself to flap and rock and play with fidget toys as well and it genuinely does help release tension.
It sounds like your're working really hard - if you feel close to burnout and/or meltdowns, you might be working too hard. I also found it really hard to take breaks when I was studying (...still do) but the truth is, by not allowing your mind to rest, you're actually making it harder for yourself to learn and retain information.
So my advice is, take a break! A real break, not 'I'm gonna scroll on my phone for a bit' or 'I went to the toilet that counts as a break right'. Get up, step away from your work for at least an hour, and do something you find relaxing and fun. Go for a walk or just sit outside. Make yourself a drink. Take a nap if you need to. Try to avoid looking at screens during your break if you can. And when you go back to studying, schedule times to have regular short breaks as well (eg a 10 minute break every hour). I set alarms for mine because otherwise I forget to move for five hours.
A break allows your brain to process the information and let it settle properly. When you go back to work you'll hopefully feel more refreshed and able to take in information again. Remember, if you've just started the course, then this is a marathon, not a sprint, so please try not to overdo it and burn yourself out right at the start. Conserve your energy for the long haul.
If you're still struggling, are you able to ask for help, maybe from a friend or a teacher? A teacher could give you some techniques on how to improve in the specific areas you find difficult, and sometimes just talking through the bit you're having trouble with or not understanding can help a lot.
Good luck with your studies and I hope you take some time to rest as well :)
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deerest-deer · 1 month ago
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thinking really hard about logging into my old tumblr acc after being gone for like a year and a half cause i stumbled upon a post that led me to my old mutuals and i teared up a lil </3 but also i feel so ashamed i left without saying a word to anyone aaaa
#like i genuinely feel so bad for simply disappearing from people's lives :c#i used to talk to some of them daily and like even had plans to see one of them on holiday to another country?? like that level of close#and then well my mental health went to shit i took a semester off uni and disappeared from my irl friends' lives too for a good 6 months#some of my mutuals had my ig and we followed each other but i also haven't really been there much since dissappearing last year so#but i just snooped into some of their accounts and seeeing what they're up to made me want to talk to them sooo bad#everyone was so cool and kind and i miss them so much it's just i feel so guilty and also don't even know if i'm able to mantain constant#contact and conversations with people now. like it's been even hard for me to stay in touch with my irl friends aaa#why must my brain hate me so much and not let me socialize !! i used to be such an extroverted person what the fuck happened!!#i know some of them messaged me worried and i felt so guilty for not responding but i saw those dms when i was very much deppressed#so i never answered and now i feel like it's too late GOD!!#anyways at least it was nice snooping and seeing how they're doing i genuinely wish them only good things they're fucking great#maybe i just need to suck it up and just go back and talk to people again but i get so overwhelmed just thinking about it!!#okay it's like 4 am i'm posting this and maybe deleting it in the morning sorry for the rant i just am feeling a lot !!
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widevibratobitch · 6 months ago
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omw to play emotional support for my mom disguised as ✨fun family bonding time✨ for the rest of the week <3333 there's something so deeply wrong with me uwu teehee
#and i still havent texted my friend back even tho she texted me a week ago and i told her ill text her back this week when i have the time#and i DO have the time. im just fucked in the head and the prospect of having a conversation with another person where i again#have to pretend im not at the very brink of a serious mental and emotional breakdown. is making me lose my fucking mind#ik she's having a bad time rn and she needs the reassurance and jesus fucking christ i tried i had two long conversations with her#that were allllll about her. only her. not a single word about me. that's fine. this is what people need in such moments right#to just get patted on the head and hugged and told their suffering is real and what happened to them is unfair and just made to feel#that for a moment they're the centre of attention and it is all about them. this is normal. this is why therapy exists.#so i try to give this to her but it is fucking draining. and i NEVER get the same treatment back. like she caught me crying at uni last week#and like yes she'll say some nice things but she'll always find a way to turn the conversation back on the topic of ✨her✨#like we started talking about my therapy and i finally got to actually say a word or two about what im dealing with. but then she goes#'yeah im just trying to figure out what's wrong with me when i listen to you haha like i could never cut myself cause it looks ugly.#ofc it doesnt look ugly on you haha but i could never lol'#like thanks haha good to know ill just shut up then and steer the conversation back onto you why dont i. i mean its not like#i spent over an hour a few days back sitting with you and listening to your talk about your childhood and validating you and not saying#a word a single fucking word about myself even tho i was also going through it myself but who cares right. and now im the bad guy again#because im not texting back.#i feel like im finally fucking snapping cause at this point im properly fucking angry. IM having a bad time too. IM going through it too.#I have bad coping skills and had a fucked up childhood and traumas in my life TOO and im allowed to just not be able to handle it#i really wanna break something lol maybe therapy's working after all lmao#oh also this is why i dont eat breakfast. i do it once and then feel guilty and suicidal lol normal behaviour#pojebie mnie zaraz przysięgam na boga mam dość kurwa BASTA
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I think I've been touchy lately about my feelings of access to/participation in generativity. I've been feeling really overwhelmed lately by how much needs doing and how much disparate but necessary information I'm keeping in my head. I should probably get back into my thought maps for the work on the yard and house, because I think that will make it easier for me to empty my head when I'm not actively trying to work on something.
#i'm feeling a sinking recognition that i need to build a life for myself that's functional#even if it means accepting norms that i have been trying to cight for a long time in my relationships#boundaries are weird and hard and i've never been particularly good at them#but if the comversations i have with my clients are anything to go by#i have a solid understanding of how to identify and communicate them#i just don't seem to have the will to stand by my decision when push comes to shove#so people around me carry on doing what they've always done#and going all shocked pikachu face when i finally collect myself enough to remind them exactly how i feel about their behavior#oh i have no idea you felt like this!!!#why are you so angry and snappish all the time?????#i just don't have any idea what else you expect from me i already spend all my time thinking about what i expect you to expect of me?#what do you mean that's not the same thing as actually having open lines of communication with me and treating me like awhole fuckin person#i work so hard not to take my frustration out on anyone#to be kind and calm and clear when I talk#to love the things about them that i love and enjoy the time with them that i enjoy without feeling compelled to seek disappointment#asking for more or different just won't happen so what's the point of looking to feel hurt#and i do have a lot of different areas of my life that fulfill different needs of mine#so i understand that i'm lucky and should really probably accept that i am much less alone than I often feel#i just wish i had someone in my life who was both willing and able to see all of me with affection#or at least. someone who was willing and able to take on that role and who I am willing and able to trust with the role#therapy helps#my new therapist is nice and seems open and understanding#but i understand our relationship probably better than most patients given the circumstances#i know how important it is that she never be more than a facilitator of space in my life#she seems good at doing that and i appreciate having the space again#i don't really know what i want anymore but i know i'm tired of feeling unwelcome in my wholeness of self
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sucrose-soymilk · 1 year ago
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hadn’t really regressed in a While and i didn’t realize how much i missed/dareisay needed it until i had the free time and ability to do so over the last few days and i have to say. i’m feeling a bit better
#imagine that! the coping mechanism… helps!!! wow#Seven’s Small Thoughts#not tagging this as anything else bc this blog is really just a not-so-secret public diary#and im not really trying to gain any sort of following or participate in the community very much#i just wanna talk to the void abt regression every once in a blue moon y’know#i also feel like i don’t really belong in the community much/am not a Good Example of sfw agere since i’m very n/ s/ f/ w everywhere else#which is a double standard that i don’t hold others to but i feel like others will hold it against me??? and i’m just shy anyways#and not looking to interact. just wanna keep all this stuff tucked away in a side-blog#i also feel like a lot of the community likes to blog while actively regressed and i don’t wanna step in there as someone who isn’t#nothing wrong with it! at all! i just don’t have the capacity to since i go nonverbal when i regress. no thoughts head blissfully empty#anyways this wasn’t supposed to be a vent post let’s change the topic!#anywhooo what else did i come on here to say. oh yeah#i lowkey forgot how much regressing has helped me in the past until i was able to really indulge myself in it again recently#it’s so nice to just be small and hand someone else the reins and forget abt everything other than doing something you enjoy#maybe one day i’ll be at a point in my life where i can fully regress more freely and more often but for now i’ll take what i can get#i’m also excited because i’ve been thinking abt ordering a paci from this one specific seller#and yesterday saw that they’re dropping a new batch of fall/halloween themed ones today!!!#so now i’ve gotta make myself stay awake until 6pm so i can jump on it when they’re available#which is a small struggle considering my nocturnal sleep schedule but i will do it nonetheless#that crescent moon patterned one Will Be Mine#trying to decide between buttercup yellow and schoolbus yellow for the clip#i think i’m more drawn to the vibrancy of the schoolbus yellow honestly#eeeeeee i’m excited i’ve been wanting to treat myself to ordering from this shop for a g e s and im finally gonna do it
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pears-trinkets · 7 months ago
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everything sucks so hard rn idk
#mischa isnt eating again all while screaming because shes hungry and pulling every single piece of plastic out of my shelves#all my bags straps and backpacks have saliva stains from her#she will jump into shelves and pull out dvds to lick#and there's no other food i can try#my paycheck lacks 500 euro because i was sick and im still 200 euro in the red after getting my paycheck today#and tomorrow is the tooth surgery and ive been trying to call my dentist because he only applied for 2 of 3 teeth#at my insurance#and these 2 will be over 1k already after my insurance will pay their part#at least the sedation isnt as strong as i thought so i can go home by myself and dont have to rely on any unreliable people#after my mom accused me of making mischa have diarrhea on purpose because the food company changed the recipe and i gave her 1 bag#she hasnt talked to me and im definitely not going to be the one to start a conversation with her because im usually better off without her#so its nice that i dont have to ask her for her assistance tomorrow#just gonna do everything alone like usual#also work is so UUUGGGHHHHH and sucks so hard all my coworkers ignore what i say and just go to other people behind my back to do my job#im stress eating so much all my favorite clothes dont fit anymore and i hate looking in the mirror#i wanna go swimming but i just dont have the energy i just wanna curl up and dont have a body#also i have a comic idea written down for several months now and i wanna finish it for mothers day but i feel so discouraged#wehh#im also so stressed i clawed so much at my face its full of bloody spots i look so bad#every morning my neighbors i dont even share a wall with turn on their super broken washingmachine at 7 am#and it sounds so broken and its so loud it sounds like someone is drilling a hole into the wall for 40 -120 ?>#mins#i haven't been able to sleep properly for like a month#when i go into work everyone is just like oof you dont look good#thanks i know
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quirkle2 · 2 years ago
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Just thinking about the Slime Rancher AU. Just thinking about Ledge taking care of Wars while he's recovering because he's super worried about him. Maybe there's some guilt for not being with Wars the entire time?
oh 100%. the entire family is constantly there for wars and taking care of him while he's bedridden, but legend almost never leaves his side. even when wars is in and out from illness at first and only able to form basic syllables, legend is There and playing with his hair and shushing him and telling him everything will be alright
in the quiet hours of the night when everybody else is asleep and legend is left to listen to wars' shallow breaths and the hum of electronics inside the walls, he ends up spiraling a lot. going over the incident again and again, regretting straying from wars for even a second, thinking about how wars was nearly killed and could Still die in his sleep just because legend saw some moondew nectar in the distance that hadn't rotted yet. at some point when wars is awake legend apologizes to him, but wars just stares at him through the haze of fever and doesn't understand a fucking word and legend has to leave the room for a minute to keep from crying
they all lose sleep over the incident, but legend and fig are the ones who lose the most. fig gets up in the middle of the night a lot to see legend still awake, watching wars' chest rise n fall and massaging the unscarred skin around his hands. fig Knows it's not gonna convince ledge to go to sleep anytime soon, so he usually sits with him and lets him cry if he needs to. fig can See the guilt in his eyes and he's told him time and time again it was not his fault, but legend doesn't seem to believe him
i think legend prolly formally apologizes to wars again, when he's no longer bedridden and instead able to at least walk outside a bit. wars looks at him like he's got two heads when he says it, like it's crazy, like it's nuts, and wars tells him he has never once even thought of pinning the blame on legend. because it wasn't his fault. wars is just grateful that legend came to save him so quickly, he says, and he says it with a big smile that shoves that big rainbow scar to the side
and then legend cries GVYEIAV
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animalsandskyyy · 2 years ago
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realizing that I just need to find one friend (or more) to sit in a coffee shop with, and we both work/study separately. but the fact that there’s another person there helps motivate both of us to work and be productive.
i have absolutely no idea how to find this situation though??
I looked and there don’t seem to be any facebook groups dedicated to this? and if there were, idk if you could trust those? ugh
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yououghtaknow · 2 years ago
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they weren’t lying, that going outside, talking to people, going on a walk to get a little drink from the gas station really helps your mental health
#went to the writing thing!!! got a GOOD amount of work done did a Quick Sweep of my second act to edit more in depth later#and talked to some cool people about art and gender and disability and politics and stuff!!!!!!!#it's Nice being around people who aren't My People because i feel like i'm allowed to have opinions#ANYWAYS my bpd has been spiking because of [redacted] doing [redacted] and [redacted] and [redacted]#BUT i have evening plans of watching adventuring party and planning out more Long Term work <3#ALSO I BOUGHT MYSELF A NON-SAFE DRINK AND I LIKED IT#as in not one of my safe foods#i got a little strawberry yogurty drink thing and it was really nice!!!! AND it was only 90p!!!!!#and i walked home as the sun set and it was really nice even though i got lost because i was in a part of the city i'm not used to#BUT i managed to navigate all by myself (by following bus stops of the bus i got up to the place)#currently feeling very in my bejeweled era. feeling very i miss you but i miss sparkling!!!!!!!#i love discovering myself again after Trauma and Horrors. sadly this will probably all go away on saturday but we stay silly!!!1#i just feel more like a Person when i'm on my own or with people i'm not close to#ALSO I BOUGHT A BOOK TODAY#it was one of my favourite poets and i got to talk about him with the bookstore owners and it was so nice to have people Understand#AND I TALKED ABOUT WRITING PLAYS WITH A GUY WHO WAS ALSO WORKING ON HIS PLAY#we talked about being actor-writers and Bridging The Gap of the two mediums#he also recommended me some workshops i was going to sign up for anyway but it was nice of him :)#i LOVE being in queer and neurodivergent spaces!!!!!#i was very shy and socially anxious but i was able to approach people and have conversations the whole time!!!!#i did sit on my own to do my work but i preferred it that way :) i also needed so much table space for all my pages#ANYWAYS. rambling over. had a nice evening. this is my little journal entry :)
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snekdood · 1 year ago
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I think in the whole convo around why its hard to make friends today really understimates how technology has essentially ripped peoples masks off to show how toxic they can become and how repelling and even scary it can be interacring with ppl bc of it. Bc of tiktok. Bc of ppl filming you secretly. Bc the "bullying is good, actually" people. Literally that video of that lady lying to her neighbor and then the neighbor confronted her and she gaslighted the neighbor like. You might laugh but deep down you know youd never hang out w that person on a deep level. You know that person would just be toxic. At this point being alone seems more appealing bc you dont have to risk all this weird bullshit. Its almost worth the touch starvation n all the other physical and mental bullshit that comes w loneliness n shit if every friend geoup is going to try to eventually moralize their hate of you and kick you out of a friend geoup for being too "cringe" and then put you on blast online and then all the commentors just laugh and dont think deeply about the situation bc theyre just there to laugh and are prolly just as fuckin toxic. Like we got a real issue here yall. Wtf is going on. Ppl in my generation are so fucking unlikeable.
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sidras-tak · 6 months ago
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Accessibility takes too goddamn fucking long.
My brother was paralyzed in October 2023. We got him home from the hospital (in Texas, when we live in Iowa) in a clunky old hospital chair. He hated it. He was scared and angry and in pain and his life had just changed forever and he couldn’t do anything for himself in that wheelchair. His first goal (aside from learning how to transfer) was to get a wheelchair. My family was lucky enough to afford one so we thought it would be easy enough. Nope.
We couldn’t buy him a wheelchair. He needed a prescription. For a wheelchair. A doctor had to examine him and declare him in need of a wheelchair. It wasn’t good enough that he had scans and tests showing tumors cutting off his spinal cord. He needed his primary care doctor to examine him during a physical and write a prescription. He was making 2-4 transfers a day, tops. He had no energy to get to a doctor. Home health was in and out every day. He had no time to get to a doctor. He didn’t get a prescription for almost a month. Then it had to go through insurance.
We asked if we could skip insurance and just buy a wheelchair for him. Nope. They wouldn’t sell us one, not even at full sticker price. It needed to be approved by Medicare. We ordered a wheelchair, a nice one, a good shade of green, sporty, small. It would let him move around the house. He would be able to cook, to reach drawers and get stuff from the fridge and brush his teeth and put his contacts in at a sink. We were told it would take awhile, maybe two months. Silently we all hoped he would be around to see two more months.
He went on hospice care on a Saturday in March. On Monday, I was calling his friends to come see him before he died. I got a call on his phone. It was the wheelchair company. They were about to order his wheelchair, she said, but there was an issue with insurance— had he stopped being covered by Medicare? Well, yes. When he started hospice care, he got kicked off Medicare. The very nice woman I talked to told me to call her if he resumed Medicare coverage so she could order his wheelchair. He died less than 12 hours later.
We ordered that chair for him in early December. Medicare didn’t approve the order until March. He was dead before they got around to it. He wanted that fucking wheelchair so badly. The only reason he had any semblance of independence and any quality of life for the last five months of his life was because the wheelchair company lent him an old beater chair, a very used model of the chair he ordered. If I could go back and change one thing about his end-of-life, I would get him his dream wheelchair. He told me again and again he couldn’t wait to get it, so that he could feel like a person again. He made the best of what he had with that old beater chair, but it still makes me mad to this day. He was paralyzed. He needed a chair that afforded him dignity. We had the money for it. And yet, we were left waiting for five months, for a chair that wouldn’t even get ordered until the day he died.
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phagodyke · 19 days ago
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aouuugh my uterus......
#long long day at work codeine wasnt helping with cramps and my meds are less effective on my period :(#ive been doing okay most of the day tho just starting feeling kind of miserable omw home bc such a long wait at the bus stop in pain#and im kind of lonely at the moment but wont be able to climb tomorrow bc of cramps so thats my main social source gone :(#and it always feels worse at home bc if im having a hard time like in physical pain or feeling down my roommate cant rly handle it#like she cant rly be in the room with me the headphones go straight on. which is ok im realising its just how her type of autism works#so im trying not to get as upset at her abt it. with varying degrees of success but it just takes time#i mean i dont get upset AT her like ik its not her fault and i dont want her feeling like it is. I keep it internal + cry once im alone#just different social needs n boundaries innit. we're a bit incompatible is all#but its still hard. I'd like support from other ppl when I'm struggling i mean i think thats a fairly normal thing to want#but of the friends I would be comfortable talking to abt how i feel none of them have that kind of emotional availability#which again is ok like its not on them. and im very capable of dealing w my shit myself one way or another so its not a Need#but idk. it would just be nice. I feel like I've had to be so independent most of my teenage and adult life and I wish I could take a#break from that sometimes. even just a hug would be nice man#sorry i always come on here and talk abt the same problems... well youll see me do it again no doubt abt that 🫠#ughh and i feel so guilty for wanting things ppl cant give even though i know its not really my fault either and im allowed to want things#and i dont cross boundaries or make them feel bad abt it. i really hope i dont anyway. but still ahhh...#its so hard for me to feel connected to anyone if they cant rly engage w me emotionally at all like its a non negotiable#factor into closeness and trust for me and i get so frustrated bc i feel so distant and alienated from the ppl i care abt most#and ik i overreact bc of my rsd so maybe its just that its probably not even a real issue. but its real to me bc im the one who gets upset#man. anyway its okay just a really really long day. im gonna wash my dishes and then shower#and finish my book. maybe i should play some dead cells i miss it. i dont really want to think abt how i feel anymore#maybe ill see if anyones free to hang out tmr evening so i dont have to feel as lonely even if i cant leave the house after work#all good nice to have a plan anyway. done sniffling. my hot water bottle is helping thr cramps a littlr i think#.diaries#oh i dont think its helping actually ow. i took more codeine an hour ago why doesnt it do anything. not fairrr 😭
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