#i have a solid understanding of how to identify and communicate them

[butts-bouncing-on-the-beltway]

I think I've been touchy lately about my feelings of access to/participation in generativity. I've been feeling really overwhelmed lately by how much needs doing and how much disparate but necessary information I'm keeping in my head. I should probably get back into my thought maps for the work on the yard and house, because I think that will make it easier for me to empty my head when I'm not actively trying to work on something.

[qweerhet]

i have come to realize over the past few days that a lot of bad transfeminist takes on this website are percolating in spaces where it's presumed the transfem experience is one of either attempting to be recognized as a woman socially, or wanting to be recognized as a woman socially but not attempting (with an unspoken "yet" attached), and suddenly everything coming out of those spaces about transmisogyny makes sense.

transmisogyny never applies to men because if you're a woman, you know it already. or if it does apply to men, it always benefits them, because someone who looks like a man and occupies the social role of man could never actually be a woman, at least until they start trying to occupy the social role of woman. if a woman is closeted, she'll come out eventually. people who don't chemically or surgically transition and continue to use he/him are selfishly benefiting from transmisogyny, and don't want to come out because they benefit too much from enacting violence on trans women. transfems are always treated as failed women, and never as failed men, because being transfem means trying to be recognized as a woman. nobody could ever see a real transfem as a man, only men are seen as men, and transfems do things like use she/her and wear women's clothes and go on estrogen, which means everyone knows they're transfem. transfems who are men aren't a part of this conversation. tma people who aren't women don't exist because transmisogyny comes from being perceived as a woman.

and it's like. well. i certainly know lots of people who would directly contest & cleanly disprove your presumptions here (i mean. myself being one of them, even though i do present femme full-time!), but you'll never get the chance to have your worldview shifted, because you've made your social spaces profoundly unfriendly to them!

even if you've already made an effort to decouple transmedicalism from your theory, you still have to make an effort to actually engage with & understand the material experiences of people who don't align with current narratives about transition at all. transfems who use all pronouns and grow massive beards while on e and never legally change their names or gender markers. transneutral and transandrogynous tma people. trans women who refer to themselves as women but do not want to chemically or surgically transition or publicly use pronouns other than he/him, ever. full-time female impersonators who solely use she/her and chemically and surgically transition, but still identify as men. and you have to really engage with what we say about transmisogyny, as in, listen in good faith and understand what we're expressing about its functions in our daily lives!

or you could circlejerk forever about how being a woman is the be-all-end-all of experiencing transmisogyny and personal identification is one and the same as material conditions of privilege, to the point that personal identification automatically prescribes material privilege. and shut out a solid chunk of tma people from your gender theory permanently and irrevocably. and implicitly call a solid chunk of tma people liars for talking about daily life experiences. that's cool too, definitely won't have any negative consequences for trans community and trans spaces in the broader world or anything.

[knifedog-machina]

Being Human: A Species Identity Compare and Contrast

Written by Gavin on June 27, 2024.

Hey, I'm Gavin, and despite hanging out in various alterhuman spaces, I'm 100% a human person. I live in a system with two headmates who are also human, but identify as other species as well - Max as a velociraptor therian, Jude as a dog archetrope and an android. In contrast, I specifically, completely identify as human.

What's so special about that, being human? Statistically, it's nothing remarkable - most people on Earth identify as human after all. I think what's really interesting is that, over the past year, I've been connected to communities that all contain people (or non-people, as the case may be) who partially or fully identify as nonhuman - otherkin, therians, a solid number of fictionfolk and some alterhumans. Therefore, I feel like I can compare and contrast my species identity to the experiences of others, in a way that most people who philosophize on what humanity is don't get the chance to.

We tend to think of humanity as The Default, a non-identity, since the majority of self-identified nonhumans were raised as human, and we all live in human societies. Most people don't bother clarifying that they are human unless they're dehumanized, because it seems obvious that being born human means you're human. Given humanity's position as a default state, a lot of nonhumans see it as an opposing and fundamentally different experience from nonhumanity.

In this way, species identity is similar to gender identity - cisgender people, who identify with the genders they were assigned at birth, are often assumed by transgender people to have a fundamentally different understanding of gender. I feel like both of these assumptions are oversimplifications, ones that miss out on a lot of nuance, and throughout this essay I will be comparing gender and species, as a trans man whose species is as important to him as his gender.

There are some common threads I've noticed when it comes to having a sense of identity. I wouldn't call them universal experiences, I can't read minds, but they're frequent enough to be significant. They may be more obvious when it's an identity at odds with your body (e.g. being transgender or nonhuman) - but I'd go so far as to say that plenty of cisgender (and human!) people also experience these feelings, and simply don't have the words or desire to describe their feelings with these terms.

First off, identity euphoria - the internal sense of alignment, joy, and contentedness one gets from presenting and being perceived as their identity. A trans man might experience gender euphoria from presenting and being treated as a man, and so do many cis men. Think about how thrilled many guys are when their beards fill out; that's facial hair as a presentation of masculinity, and gaining it is a gender euphoric experience. In a very similar way, a nonhuman experiences species euphoria from being perceived as their species - and so do I, as a human being.

I’m trans, so I know how gender euphoria feels for me. I find that the more I'm just treated as a man, the more that the bright elation of being correctly gendered turns into a sense of quiet satisfaction - this is what I am, and everyone knows it, and all is right with the world. There's no reason to think too much about it unless something calls attention to it, and then I feel confident and comfortable enough in myself that other people's judgements are more annoying than hurtful. I exist peacefully in my body, happy with the way people see me in it, and sometimes I'll do something that feels extra masculine and grin about it for five minutes.

My species euphoria falls into the same sort of category - I feel content with my body, the way it matches how I feel internally, and the way other people treat me because of it. I feel fundamentally comfortable with my human body map and movements, having a flat face and hands and nails, walking upright on the soles of my feet. I feel comfortable when I'm acknowledged as a human and a person, when I do something that’s known to be human - when I wear different clothes to express myself and keep out the cold, when I cook a meal to eat with people, when I sing for the fun of it, when I write and draw to share something creative, when I interact with human technology and invention and creation. Humans have been making clothes and foods and songs and adding marks to the world for about as long as they've existed, and we're still doing it, and if I think about it too long I get emotional. I’m human and I feel deeply connected to humanity, and most of the time I don't think about it because I'm treated as one, but sometimes I’ll notice that I'm doing something that just feels fundamentally human, and it's really nice - sometimes species affirmation can be in the little things, like wearing a beat-up jacket or writing a personal essay.

On the flip side, there's identity dysphoria, the distress experienced when one's identity doesn't align with the way they present or find themselves perceived as. A trans woman might feel gender dysphoria because of her body hair; many cis women also feel less feminine if they don't shave. Species dysphoria is a well-known experience in the nonhuman community, the distress of being seen as human or having a human body when you don't identify as one. Given what I said earlier, hopefully it doesn't come as a shock that people can have the opposite experience - feeling distressed about being seen as nonhuman. I get this kind of species dysphoria.

It feels odd to talk about species dysphoria when I’m not nonhuman, but I still feel it. Mostly it comes up in the context of being in alterhuman spaces, being accidentally mislabeled as nonhuman through proximity to those who are, and I've also felt it in the context of playing around with visualizing myself as nonhuman in art. My body map doesn't have nonhuman features, parts like wings or tails or claws or pointy ears. Picturing myself like that feels wrong, it feels like sandpaper, like there’s this foreign thing attached to my body and I need to cut it off so I can stop this crawling sense of my body not being my own. I used to have an awful amount of gender dysphoria, and I feel like the two are very comparable experiences - the distress of feeling like your body doesn't match your mind. I got top surgery, so the gender dysphoria is gone, and thankfully my body is actually human, because I would be just as distressed about being seen as nonhuman as I was about being seen as a girl.

It’s kind of fascinating that I feel this way, that I can’t picture myself as nonhuman without feeling incredibly uncomfortable. On the other end of the spectrum, there's the entire furry fandom, a subculture of people - most of whom definitely identify as human beings - who regularly depict themselves as nonhuman animals for fun and self-expression. We’re all human, what gives? Do they have a more malleable sense of species identity than I do?

Maybe, maybe not. I don't have a straightforward answer to that - like I said, I can't read minds, and I'm just one person. But I do have a couple thoughts on the way humans interface with nonhumanity, on the topic of enjoying it.

See, I get dysphoric about being considered nonhuman, but I've found some loopholes in there. I’m completely fine with my fictional counterpart - the character getting tossed into different AUs for our personal enrichment - being turned into a vampire, a werewolf, a selkie, an android, a person with wings. How's that any different from other expressions of nonhumanity? Well, for me, those stories don't induce dysphoria because they're about humanity, at the end of the day - how people cope with being seen as or turned into monsters, the way they treat one another and the way they treat supposed outsiders, the ways society might change if humans were slightly different animals but still called themselves human. If I were a werewolf, I'd still be human, just one living with the consequences of also being a wolf. If I had wings in a world where all humans have wings, I'm still human in the context of that world. That baseline sense of humanity is what’s important to me.

In a similar vein, I can't stand seriously being seen as nonhuman - but pretending to be nonhuman? Roleplaying? Dressing up in a costume? I can do that. I feel like there’s something very human about being fascinated by the abilities and strengths of every animal that's not your own kind, and wanting them for yourself - the human desire to fly like a bird, swim like a fish, hunt like a wolf, run like a deer.

I think a lot of what people like about fursonas is this sort of wish fulfillment, of having the cool traits of all these fascinating animals, and having that animal self-portrait still being anthro - human - enough to relate to. It's animality through an anthropomorphic lens, through how fun it can be to play pretend and express yourself as a cool deer-wolf-lion hybrid. And usually, those animal choices are symbolic, and the fursona reflects the personality of the person who made it - more often than not, it reflects the cultural stereotypes of what that animal is, instead of being true to what the animal is like as a living organism. It's about the way humans see themselves in animals, not necessarily the way we are animals. So, ironically, being a furry tends to parse as a very human thing to me.

So far, most of this essay has been a comparison, since I see a lot of similarities between identifying as human and identifying as nonhuman. Putting my species into my list of self-identifiers, like how I'd list my name and pronouns, has cemented it as a crucial part of how I view myself and want to be seen. That's the same way a lot of nonhumans think about their species. I have a strong sense of species identity, it just so happens to align with being human. Contrasting the categories seems harder to me.

I could list a bunch of different nonhuman traits that I lack, but it would be on the same level as saying one kintype is different from another. I don't care about walking on all fours, and neither does Max as a raptor. I don't instinctively try to bite a threat, I’d rather kick it, and I know a horse would agree with me. I don't long for the sky and neither does Jude, they're a dog. I don't have a prey drive and neither does a hamster. I don't feel like a nonsapient animal, and neither does an elf.

When it comes down to just being a certain species, there’s not that much of a difference between identifying as a human and identifying as a dragon. There's a bunch of traits that feel correct, and a million others that don't feel right at all.

I could say that I don't understand feeling like I don't fit in my own body, but I do - I had gender dysphoria. I have species dysphoria. If one of my partners is having a phantom shift while co-fronting with me, I invariably end up either leaving front or nullifying their shifts, because I just don't feel comfortable if our combined body map is nonhuman. I don't have memories of being a different species than I am, having abilities that I don't have in my body now, but those aren’t necessary to be nonhuman in the first place.

Do I need to find a contrast that makes sense? Does there need to be some fundamental difference between human and nonhuman identity?

I don't think so. It's all identity, at the end of the day.

[seat-safety-switch]

It’s funny what you remember from childhood. A perfect spring day. A trip to the zoo. A thoughtful gift from a loved one. Me? Oh, just the usual: I’m dogged, every waking hour, by images of the old parking garage at the mall.

Now, I should do some qualification for all this. I didn’t actually like going to the mall (unless it was to buy toy cars; the satisfaction was short-lived, however, because they always looked suspiciously new and shiny once the package was opened.) What I enjoyed was the experience of being pulled off the street, into a building that you could drive through. The steeply angled ramps, which they’d try their best to de-ice in the winter. The flickering pillars. The beautiful red canopy on the top storey. The awkwardly long hallway to and from the mall that felt like a trip on its own.

Those of you who are too young to remember malls may now be horrified at how a place of capitalist worship has burned itself permanently into my memory. This is understandable: studies have shown that kids raised on the internet now identify most closely with abstract geometric solids and specific kinds of wait cursor. I hope you really have fond memories that fill you with joy of “flickering purple square” in 20 years. I cannot, for the life of me, remember anything about the interior of the mall. If I strain really hard, I can imagine the awkward chairs at the food court. That’s it. The parking garage is where it began and ended for me as an impressionable youth.

Nowadays, I can’t resist a good parking garage. Unfortunately, a lot of them charge a lot of cash to enter, or at least to leave. This is because the operators of these garages are solely in “the parking business.” They’re not interested in why you’re there, they just want to trap your car in money jail. As a result, I rarely get to do full-throttle rips around spiral ramps anymore, unless I’m volunteering for court-ordered community service, escorting the elderly or otherwise un-car-able around town. That childhood parking garage has long since been destroyed, but it lives on in my memory and probably that of like four other freaks, who are also a menace to society.

[prototypesteve]

To celebrate Ace Week, October 20 – 26, 2024, here's the Asexuality 101 post I shared with coworkers, this year.

Feel free to share it with other folks who you’ve had to explain Asexuality to, from scratch. Again: it’s just the basics.

Statistically, with around 1% of the population identifying as it, most of the people reading this article aren’t asexual, and they probably don’t know anyone who identifies as asexual, and if they do, they probably don’t know them closely enough to know anything about their sexuality—especially if it’s somehow defined by there being… less of it… or is it none of it? It’s all kind of confusing.

So, what’s there for you to be ‘aware’ of on Ace Week? Lots. Maybe even everything.

A sky full of more than just stars.

This (above) is a picture of the night sky over Alberta at around 9 PM, this Wednesday, October 23rd, 2024. It’s probably nothing like the night sky you've seen before, because it’s how the sky looks when seen through the microwave spectrum.

You’re used to seeing a sky that looks like this (above). This is the same bit of sky, as it appears in our “regular” spectrum of visible light. But notice how the microwave view of the sky reveals an entirely different sky, where nearby space is suddenly far more hectic, complicated, and full. It’s a sky full of things your ordinary eyes can’t see or measure. That’s what happens when you look at the exact same thing through a different lens¹.

Most of us understand sexuality along a spectrum of who, or which. Who are you sexually attracted to? Which genders are you attracted to? One, any, all? Asexuality looks at the same world, but measures things differently, instead of who or which, it asks how much, or when. How much sexual attraction people are capable of experiencing, and in many cases, where, how, or when that attraction can be experienced.

Asexuality is a bit more complex than just, “people who don’t feel any sexual attraction.” Some asexuals fit that definition, but they’re the very-visible minority. Just like the microwave-view of the sky wasn’t solid glowing purple, asexuality manifests in a variety of forms. The less-visible majority² of people the asexual spectrum are sometimes labelled as demisexual: people who experience limited or very selective primary sexual attraction, usually based on an emotional bond.

Asexuality isn’t a broken or underdeveloped expression of cisgendered heterosexuality. Asexuality lines up and coexists with the who-or-which so-called “regular” sexual spectrum. There are gay asexual people, bi demisexual people, asexual or demisexual lesbians, transgender demi people, and hetero-oriented aces. (Notice how in the microwave image of the sky, the same stars are still there, and the Milky Way is where it was.) This is why you might hear about the many micro-labels within the asexual community, as people develop ways to quickly communicate how they inhabit their place along the asexual spectrum.

“Back up a bit, primary sexual attraction?”

Wikipedia defines primary sexual attraction as “the type of attraction that is based on immediately observable characteristics such as appearance or smell, and is experienced immediately after a first encounter.” People on the asexual spectrum experience little to none of this, and people who identify as demisexual often explain the attraction they feel as being above primary sexual attraction. It’s complicated, and more than we can cover in a single post. What’s important to know is that asexuality is a big, big topic because it covers as much ground as the allosexual spectrum you’re used to.

“Hold on, Allosexual?”

Asexual people (asexuals, aces, etc.) have our own jargon, because of course we do. One of those words is allosexual. From the greek word állos, which sometimes translates to “other”. Allosexual or others-sexual. People who are attracted to other people. It’s shorter than saying, “people who aren’t asexual,” and politer than the other words we might use to describe you.

So, what now?

Probably nothing. As exciting as it is to know there’s a whole other spectrum out there (and spoiler, there are many spectra, there’s also a romantic-attraction spectrum) the reality is, it’s small. In the few surveys that have been conducted, it seems as though only about 1% of the population identify as asexual in any way. (There are probably a few more of us, living with identities we were assigned by the world we grew up in.) For the time being, this may just be a neat-to-know thing, and a prompt to go visit your local observatory, to see a microwave telescope.

But for a few of you, it might be the beginning of a journey of self-discovery. You may have learned a few important new words here, or found a new way of seeing things that explains why you are the way you are, or why someone you care about is the way they are. If so, please be gentle. Asexuality is a large topic being explored and lived by a small community, most of whom are still in the middle of figuring out what this all means for us.

One of the safest places to start is Angela Chen’s gracefully-written book, Ace: What Asexuality Reveals about Desire, Society, and the Meaning of Sex. Written by a journalist, it gets into self-discovery, implications for partners, the medicalization of asexuality & the ways people try to “cure” us, and it even gets into the complexities of being asexual inside of a cultural context that might not leave room for asexuality.

From there, have look around the oldest Asexual community, the Asexual Visibility and Education Network, AVEN, or carefully look through your social networks’ asexual or asexuality tags (1% scales up well in a large community, but always remember you're on social media).

You’re not alone, you’re not “broken”, you’re not “delayed”, you’re not heartless. You’re part of a sky full of more than just stars.

Footnotes:

¹ Yeah, yeah, technically, microwave and visible light aren’t separate spectra, they're just different subsections of the bigger electromagnetic spectrum, and space is full of stuff that emits energy all across the full electromagnetic spectrum all at once. Sort of like how we're all a little bit of everything on the entire spectrum of human-expression, just in different proportions. But wow, if you thought this was already a convoluted post, can you imagine what a post that used that model would have looked like? So, let’s all agree to stick with the more casual way of describing electromagnetism. All least until after Ace Week, so we don’t wreck the mood.

² Demisexuals and other variants of asexuality are underrepresented for a number of reasons: it can be too complicated to talk about, it can be exhausting to defend your place on the spectrum, or you might not even see yourself as demisexual because your relationship feels “ordinary enough”. This is why we have Ace Week. It's an opportunity to let people know there are other words to explain how they feel, or how they express their complicated sexuality.

About the Author:

I was 12 when I realized I didn’t prioritize the same things my friends did. They were starting to explore crushes and boyfriends and girlfriends, while I was getting into graphic design. (1983.)

I was 21 when I realized I was “behind schedule” getting into “the dating thing.” Even back then, I thought of it in abstract terms like ‘dating’ or ‘being in a relationship’, I didn't personify it in any way, using words like ‘meeting a girlfriend’, or ‘becoming a boyfriend’. (1992.)

I was 37 when I realized there was clearly something off about me, and accepted that—for whatever reason—I didn't do relationships, and I decided to just focus on my career, and hobbies, and and and. (Late 2008.)

I was 51 when I learned there were words for what I was: Asexual and Aromantic. (2022.)

I was 52 when I started coming out as AroAce (2023).

[spectralarchers]

COPENHAGEN, Denmark (March 8th 2023) — Scandinavian scientists said Wednesday that they have identified the oldest-known inscription referencing the Norse god Odin on part of a gold disc unearthed in western Denmark in 2020.

Lisbeth Imer, a runologist with the National Museum in Copenhagen, said the inscription represented the first solid evidence of Odin being worshipped as early as the 5th century, or at least 150 years earlier than the previous oldest known reference — on a brooch found in southern Germany and dated to the second half of the 6th century.

The disc discovered in Denmark was part of a trove containing about a kilogram (2.2 pounds) of gold, including large medallions the size of saucers and Roman coins made into jewelry. It was unearthed in the village of Vindelev, central Jutland, and dubbed the Vindelev Hoard.

Experts think the cache was buried 1,500 years ago, either to hide it from enemies or as a tribute to appease the gods. A golden bracteate, a kind of thin, ornamental pendant, which carried an inscription that read, “He is Odin’s man,” likely referring to an unknown king or overlord.

“It’s one of the best executed runic inscriptions that I have ever seen,” Imer said. Runes are symbols that early tribes in northern Europe used to communicate in writing.

Odin was one of the main gods in Norse mythology and was frequently associated with war as well as poetry.

More than 1,000 bracteates have been found in northern Europe, according to the National Museum in Copenhagen, where the trove discovered in 2020 is on display.

Krister Vasshus, an ancient language specialist, said that because runic inscriptions are rare, “every runic inscription (is) vital to how we understand the past.”

“When an inscription of this length appears, that in itself is amazing,” Vasshus said. “It gives us some quite interesting information about religion in the past, which also tells us something about society in the past.”

During the Viking Age, considered to be from 793 to 1066, Norsemen known as Vikings undertook large-scale raiding, colonizing, conquest and trading throughout Europe. They also reached North America.

The Norsemen worshipped many gods and each of them had various characteristics, weaknesses and attributes. Based on sagas and some rune stones, details have emerged that the gods possessed many human traits and could behave like humans.

“That kind of mythology can take us further and have us reinvestigate all the other 200 bracteate inscriptions that we know,” Imer said.

[farmerlesbian]

this might sound weird, and honestly I'm only asking to see if anyone else feels this way, but is like... butch imposter syndrome a thing? like I identify as a butch but I'm always worried I'm not like... butch enough if that makes sense.

i think this is an interesting application of the pop psychology term "imposter syndrome" tbh - rooted in the idea that Butch is an achievement and something one can fail at or be a faker/imposter, in the way that (so-called) high-achieving workers/professionals doubt their intellect, skills, or accomplishments. i just don't think this is really a helpful application of the concept but i will answer regarding your concerns and worries!

i personally don't believe butchness is something that one achieves or like aspires to but instead is something that one IS (but that's just my view ! i know not everyone sees it that way and that's fine, it's interesting. we don't all have to have the same conceptualization or worldview about things). i think there are many types of butches, not just one. i think that some people are butch no matter what they do, they cannot help but be butch. and other people can see it in them and treat them differently for it throughout their life, for better or worse, and whether they have the language for it or not. while for other butch people, they are butch for a time, but later find themselves to be something else and they stop being butch (or vice versa, they are something else and later come to find themself becoming butch). again, i don't think there is one true butch or way to be butch. there are LOTS.

i do believe that this sort of experience that it seems like you're describing - being worried about not being butch enough, questioning whether one is 'truly' the identity/label that one currently knows themself as - is not uncommon. i certainly see folks talking about experiencing this not infrequently! i see similar questions asked all the time. you're certainly not alone.

our advice would be to talk to other dykes that you know about how you're feeling and some of your thoughts, get their take. that can help a lot. spend time with other dykes of all kinds. also, as always, focus on the Doing and not the Labeling. the power of a good haircut that makes you feel like hot shit can't be understated. finding some dope leather boots or a pair of pants that finally fits and makes your ass look so good! flirting with a cutie!

some questions to consider, ask yourself, think about that might help you: where is this worry/fear/concern coming from? what makes you worry you’re not butch enough? what is “butch enough” to you? what does it look like? who are some people that you know are definitely butch? what are they like? how does someone who is “butch enough” carry themselves, act, dress? is that concept or ideal something you agree with and believe in? is it something you enjoy being and doing? is it something that you want to be? are you dissatisfied with how you look or what you do right now? how do you wish you were? are you afraid of criticism or seeking approval? from whom? do you value their opinion, does what they think matter to you? are you afraid of not receiving attention, of other people not being attracted to you, not being valued as part of your community if you aren’t a butch or butch enough? have you applied a label and identity to yourself and then tried to live up to it, or have you lived as yourself, seeking confidence and resonance and after that, then used a word to describe yourself?

there are no right or wrong or bad or good answers. just think about these things and evaluate how you feel. it will hopefully help you find some answers and clarity and determine where to go from here.

just remember that you're cool no matter what you are. if you become solid and confident and rooted in your butchness that's dope! or if you come to understand yourself in some other way that's dope!

[ask-afoxesshadow]

you know what an ask blog is, why else are you here.

I wont be starting with character fluff, ill put that at the end, so read it if you want a visual understanding of who your talking to and how they will talking.

Warnings

I am an adult [by definition], and since i have little knowledge on who is on the other side of the screen, this space will be treated as an adult area. Posts are subject to include the following:

Suggestive descriptions and intimate innuendos

Descriptions of violent acts or bloodshed

Blunt and brutal honesty, because patience and kindness is a resource i spend at my discretion

Scariest of all, many posts will contain the horror that is "roleplay"

Excessive sarcasm

"Rules"

Asks that are directly sexual in any form will be ignored, so don't even bother

Generally speaking, if you are blatantly disrespectful to any particular group of people, you will be ignored at best, blocked at worst. 2.5: This does mean this blog is a safe place for any and all of the lgbtq community no don't make me type the whole acronym, i don't know what it is.

There is a negative chance you will be successful in shipping the shadow with someone, please take your attempts somewhere else

"Rules" will be added and changed at mod discretion, if and when i see fit.

Notes

The person who runs this blog, me, has almost no idea how to properly format tumblr posts, neither do i care to learn, so everything will be done on a whim

Additionally I have a total of 0 (zero) art skills, so the only picture that will be shown, unless someone else with free time and an interest in this character and decides to make art [which would be awesome], is the picture used as the blogs icon, the mask seen in which is from here.

All of this is done for fun and to entertain the person behind the screen, do note take anything here too seriously, because i sure am not

I have decided to go by "Tome" as how you talk to the mod directly. Why? Because like a tome, I have an ungodly amount of knowledge regarding what is happening in this group of ask blogs, so it felt fitting

Character/roleplay information

The shadow will speak with basic text, while occasionally having changes to their text to show things such as emphasis, or acts such as whispering/speaking under their breath, and to indirectly refer to another person through the use of color and emboldening.

-The shadows actions are depicted through use of text surrounded by hyphens, shown here-

[Mod talk, from I, Tome, is contained within square brackets]

(Context, narration, and important notices are contained within parenthesis)

{Rarely, the curly brackets will be used if mod to character interactions happen}

Reoccurring characters will eventually be listed within this post, when i feel like being less of a side character, please treat their mods with respect.

The "residence" of the shadow is a royal mess of enchantments, letting them have easy access to any part of the lands of the old faith, alternate reality or not.

Character description

The shadow is a creature who's form is crafted from a pitch black substance that seems to hover around the sublimation point, often times acting more akin to a gas than a solid, seemingly at the will of the shadow itself.

Standing around 6'1", they have no obvious gender, with all features being vague and hard to identify, or exceptionally androgynous, additionally having a pair of pointed canid ears sprouting from the top of their head, and several large fox tails trailing out behind them. [For visual aid, think any media depiction of a nine tailed kitsune.]

Their attire is made mostly of muted colors and dark tones, similarly to their shadowed form. Covering their face, they don a handcrafted mask made to resemble a red fox, despite their other canid features suggesting them to be one. Their upper body is covered by a large and baggy grey shirt with torn hems, a deep blue cloak further covering their form, with a light grey scruff, held in place by a broach depicting a red flower with five petals, white semi circles between the petals of the flower, all encircled by a ring of gold. their arms seem to have a bright red string wrapped around them, looking very out of place among the rest of their muted clothes. The attire for their lower body is rough and simple, consisting of a pair of baggy red pants, with several roughly sewn patches made from fabrics of various materials and colors, and a simple pair of black boots.

Final notes

This character exists for the soul purpose of interacting with ask blogs revolving around the game "cult of the lamb" [but if your here you probably already knew that], so while some of the statements of the character might break the fourth wall in the context of the game, that wall has already been removed by the other blogs, so i care not about its existence

The flower depicted on the brooch is not a Camellia, neither is the character a follower of any of the bishops.

The tag "Pages turn" will be used when an ask is responded too by the mod alone, if you wish to see what I, and I alone, have to say, use that tag.

[freakzofnurture]

Thinking about the headcanon that Della and Donald are both trans and they took each others names as kids.

I’d like to imagine it started as pretending to be each other when they were really young. Like, “let’s swap places today” because they’re twins. And they can.

Something about being seen as the opposite gender had them confused and yet excited. For kids, they don’t tend to overcomplicate stuff like gender, and so they probably just thought “it feels better to be a boy/girl, so I should be one”

At first, people thought it was just some funny play pretend thing that the twins would get over in a week, but they persisted with it.

I think that Della would be much more adamant about the name swap. If anybody called either of them the wrong name, she would be quick to correct them. Donald would probably shrug it off and act like it didn’t bother him, even if it did.

After awhile, people started to just accept it. Since the two seemed like they really liked it, why not just allow them this? It’s not hurting anyone, and it makes them happy. That was what mattered.

As they grew up, they found it quite easy to simply excuse the names on their records as “a mistake”, since “that’s my bother’s name.” — or they would tell people that their birth certificates got mixed up in the hospital.

It was almost like some kind of long running joke the two had. Yet at the end of the day, it went much deeper than humour. They felt so much more comfortable and confident in themselves after changing genders.

Everyone realized this fact too. Clearly it is much more than a silly scheme done by mischievous children. Clearly they genuinely feel good with this change. And certainly, as the two would come to know later on, there is a term for feeling this way. Not only that, but a community too.

Nearing adulthood, the two understand their identities far more than they could ever as children.

Della sees herself as a transfem nonbinary person. Mostly, she’s chill with her gender. It doesn’t really matter to her what she’s seen as, as long as it’s not a man. She would be fine with lots of different pronouns, but mostly uses she/they.

Donald would be a lot more strict with what he wants to be seen as. I can imagine him identifying as purely trans male with he/him pronouns. To him, if there’s not a solid identity to cling onto, it will make him feel like he’s nothing. Which, to Della, would be okay. But to Donald… he can’t.

Of course this leaves plenty of plot holes, such as how Della could have had the kids, but hey. I’m not a magician. This is a silly headcanon for my own enjoyment! Sit down and eat my trans autistic twin propaganda and LIKE IT!

[dhmis-autism]

I agree with u too,, I think leaving the book and the meaning of the show itself ambiguous is what makes it so special,,

why conceal a story into a tiny box when there are hundreds of possibilities available all at once? It’s an endless sandbox and I think it’s super fun to play around with :]

Many theories are still coming out to this day! And I think that’s neat :3c

I do understand the desire to understand the meaning of the show though! There’s still a part of me that would love to know the meaning behind everything just to satisfy my curiosity, but I ultimately enjoy not having to worry about canon, because technically there is no canon if that makes sense

everything is wrong and right at the same time

HAH I mean from a writing/storytelling standpoint I actually do love the meaning of the show being ambiguous, having no real solid identifiable plot! I think it sort of helps put the audience in the characters shoes, where they're in this sort of half-aware dream state, where something is clearly SO wrong but they can't articulate it whatsoever. They all know it on some level. And by giving us nothing, BB&J (becky, baker n joe) effectively put us in that same spot! I think it's really, genuinely clever writing. When the characters are surprised by sudden changes in scenery and environment or even just camera cuts, so are we! When they get thrown off when a song is cut off or interrupted, so are we! I think it's sort of because we don't expect characters in a show to react to the environment/scenarios like that! It's a fun playing with expectations that really works to the shows benefit, especially on a surrealist level!

I can't agree on the last bit tho lol- I personally have NO desire to learn about the setting of the show or meaning in any way whatsoever. My main point of interest in it is the character dynamics/characters! And the rest of the stuff is like stuffing to me. Like I'm almost not even really interested in Lesley just because of how we know more of her as a narrative device and very little about her as a character. To me, the weird setting and abnormal horror of the world they live in is just my avenue to seeing my 3 little fucked up guys brains work for 2 hours straight and seeing them totally mess up basic communication!! LOL

^^^^ WHAT WATCHING THE SHOW FEELS LIKE FOR ME

[gamesception]

Sception Reads Cass Cain #19

Batgirl (2000) Annual #1 Writer: Scott Peterson Pencils: Mike Deodato

The Main Batgirl solo is again left at a cliffhanger mid-arc while we look at a side issue. Maybe I should have done episodes 4-6 back to back, out of chronological order? But I've had a lot to say about issues 4 and 5, so the little breaks looking at side issues I don't have as much to say about has been a nice change of pace to buy breathing room. This time we're meeting a character named Aruna? I don't think I remember her at all. These sorts of annuals are sometimes used to have a popular established character help launch a new IP that will continue in another book. If that's what was happening here, then it's a nice show of confidence in Cass from editorial. And we've got Scott Peterson writing, so that's good, but we've seen Deodato draw Cass once before, and it, uh...

Oh.

Oh, no.

...

Honestly, it's not all that bad. Most of it's fine. Much better than the last time he was drawing Cass. There are even some panels of Cass that I really like, like this one:

But man, those first couple pages are rough.

Anyway, yeah, while this is a 'Batgirl Annual', it exists to introduce Aruna Shende, as part of a 'DC World' thing going on at the time introducing some new international heroes and I guess seeing who sticks. Aruna is a shapeshifter with a stunt person/special effects artist alter-ego working in the Bollywood film industry while investigating the disappearance of her parents when she was a child. Bruce & Cass bump into Aruna while looking into the kidnapping of the lead actor in a film she was working on and they have a little adventure together. Aftter that there's an extended character backstory segment just for Aruna with no bats at all.

It's pretty solid. I like how Cass is able to identify Aruna when she's using her abilities to disguise herself. This is still silent Cass, but she's fairly active and expressive in the part of the issue where she's present.

As for Aruna, she's an interesting character, with a solid backstory, and its honestly a shame DC never really did anything with her after that.

There is one bit that stuck out to me though relating Aruna's story to Cass...

After her parents were taken by mysterious suited agents, Aruna was left as an orphan, living on her own on the street, forced basically to grow up that way while also growing into her powers and using them to take care of herself.

Which is very similar to how Cass lived on her own after running away from David at age 8, basically until she met Barbara during No Mans Land when she was like 16 or 17. During that entire time Cass survived on the streets, on her own, without even the ability to speak, relying on her abilities to survive.

That's a part of her life that, as far as I can remember, the old continuity never really explored outside of this one flashback with Mr. Merc from issue 1. What was life like for her? Did she form connections with anyone? She's seen the world from this abject state of poverty, seen people around her desperate to survive, presumably saw people supporting each other and tearing each other down... she was living on the streets at least as long as she was living with David Cain, it should be a big part of her world view, so much formative stuff should have happened during that period. Really meeting and spending time with people other than her father for the first time. her first crush, probably. realizing how different she was, and what her father's training had really cost her in terms of the ability to communicate and connect with other people. How does growing up in abject poverty color what she thinks about her fabulously wealthy life when she is eventually invited into the Wayne household?

And not something modern writers can really go back and fill in, since, from my limited understanding, in the reboot continuity she goes pretty much straight from assassin life to bat life without this in between period.

[prosperityhealthbh]

Crafting a Comprehensive Marketing Plan for Your Rehabilitation Center

In the healthcare industry, particularly within the realm of rehabilitation services, having a solid marketing plan is essential for reaching your target audience, attracting clients, and establishing your center as a trusted provider of care. A wellcrafted marketing plan not only helps in promoting your services but also in differentiating your center from competitors and ultimately driving growth and success. In this comprehensive guide, we'll delve into the key components of creating an effective marketing plan tailored specifically for a rehabilitation center.

I. Introduction to Marketing for Rehabilitation Centers

Setting the Stage: Brief overview of the importance of marketing in the healthcare sector, particularly for rehabilitation centers.

Understanding the Audience: Highlighting the diverse demographic groups that may require rehabilitation services and the significance of targeting them effectively.

II. Market Analysis

 Assessing the Competitive Landscape: Conducting a thorough analysis of existing rehabilitation centers in your area, including their services, reputation, and target demographics.

 Identifying Opportunities and Challenges: Pinpointing gaps in the market where your center can excel and recognizing potential obstacles that may hinder your marketing efforts.

III. Defining Your Unique Selling Proposition (USP)

 Highlighting Your Center's Strengths: Identifying the unique features and strengths of your rehabilitation center, such as specialized programs, experienced staff, or stateoftheart facilities.

 Addressing Client Needs: Understanding the specific needs and preferences of your target audience and how your center can fulfill them better than competitors.

IV. Setting Marketing Objectives and Goals

 SMART Goals: Establishing specific, measurable, achievable, relevant, and timebound objectives for your marketing efforts, such as increasing client inquiries, improving brand awareness, or expanding services to new demographics.

 Benchmarking Progress: Creating metrics to track the success of your marketing initiatives and regularly evaluating performance against set goals.

V. Developing Strategies and Tactics

 Digital Marketing: Leveraging online channels such as social media, search engine optimization (SEO), and content marketing to increase visibility and attract potential clients.

 Traditional Marketing: Exploring traditional methods like print advertisements, direct mail campaigns, and community outreach events to reach local audiences effectively.

 Referral Programs: Establishing partnerships with healthcare professionals, community organizations, and previous clients to generate referrals and build credibility.

 Educational Content: Creating informative content such as blog posts, videos, and webinars to educate the public about rehabilitation services and position your center as an authority in the field.

VI. Implementation Plan

 Allocating Resources: Determining the budget, personnel, and tools required to execute your marketing plan effectively.

 Timeline and Milestones: Creating a detailed schedule outlining when each marketing initiative will be launched and setting milestones for tracking progress.

 Assigning Responsibilities: Delegating tasks to team members or external partners and ensuring clear communication and accountability throughout the implementation process.

VII. Monitoring and Evaluation

 Tracking Key Metrics: Monitoring the performance of your marketing activities using metrics such as website traffic, conversion rates, client inquiries, and customer feedback.

 Analyzing Results: Reviewing data regularly to identify trends, successes, and areas for improvement, and making adjustments to your marketing strategy accordingly.

 Continuous Improvement: Adopting a mindset of continuous learning and adaptation to stay ahead of the competition and meet the evolving needs of your target audience.

VIII. Conclusion

Crafting a comprehensive marketing plan for rehabilitation center is not just about promoting your services—it's about connecting with your audience, addressing their needs, and positioning your center as the top choice for rehabilitation care. By following the steps outlined in this guide, you can develop a strategic marketing plan that not only attracts clients but also fosters longterm growth and success for your center.

[stillarandom-radfem]

You know, gendies and radfems can argue back and forth all day about whether gender dysphoria is a "real" mental disorder or not, but one thing that I refuse to argue is the utterly ridiculous notion that having it can somehow change your biological sex on it's own. A self-loathing man is still a man, and a self-loathing woman is still a woman; your personal sense of self-worth has zero impact on your DNA. The purpose of language is to enhance communication, and those words developed to describe people with specific reproductive typicalities. They didn't develop to make people feel good, because feeling good is not the purpose of language (that's what chocolate is for, jk, lol). Without a solid definition to words, the entire purpose of language dissolves, and no one will be able to understand one another. Think of the biblical "tower of Babel" story, but happening in real time, NOT mythical, and, obviously, induced by human stupidity instead of some presumably made-up, patriarchal angry god. Besides, biological women will still go on existing without a word to describe ourselves, regardless of whether men (trans-identified or otherwise) like it or not. We just won't be able to organize politically, since the law requires clear and concise language in order to work. And I'm pretty sure that barring half the human race from the right to political organization and redress violates several international human rights laws. But then, I guess it shouldn't surprise us that TiMs don't want us to have the same basic human rights that they do, because they really don't make any bones about their misogynistic hatred of women. Want to prove otherwise, TiMs? Stop claiming that having gender dysphoria makes you a woman. It makes you a man with gender dysphoria, full stop.

Also, it goes against the laws of science to claim that feelings change your sex, and also should probably be noted that it doesn't seem to apply to any other mental health disorders. Anorexics, Bullimics, and Orthorexics all think themselves fat; that doesn't mean they are. People with Cotard's Syndrome may believe that parts of their bodies are missing, or that they're dying, dead, or don't exist; that doesn't mean that any of that is true. Schizophrenics can suffer auditory and sometimes visual hallucinations and experience delusions of grandeur and and acute paranoia. I once met a mostly recovered schizophrenic guy who told me about an episode he once had at a family picnic in the park wherein he hallucinated that he saw aliens land from outer space in a flying saucer, and no one else could see them. News flash: aliens didn't land; they were all in his mind. I am quite short (five feet tall exactly, to be precise). If I managed to delude myself that I was really eight feet tall and told everyone else that I was such, that would not magically make me eight feet tall, nor would it change the fact that I am the shortest person in my immediate family. Hell, I can't even add mere inches to my height simply by claiming a different one, let alone feet. And being short can really suck. Not being able to reach stuff, being frequently condescended to, predatory men choosing me precisely because they want someone weak and vulnerable. I don't like it. But, hey, it's genetics. There is nothing I can do about it. No matter how much I may wish I was 5'6", I'm not. And if wishing I was taller won't actually make me taller, why would wishing you weren't your sex make you the opposite one?

The point is, although wishy-washy New Agers and intellectually dishonest postmodernists alike may violently disagree with me, the truth is that feelings don't change facts and our thoughts really don't do anything to shape our physical and biological realities. The words we use to describe our biology, our political categories, and everything else around us are based on physical realities that absolutely anyone can physically observe in the real world. Turning the world upside down and calling things perpetually the opposite of what they are will not actually change what they are IRL, and you at least secretly know that. If you find yourself unable to cope, that is, shockingly, not the rest of society's problem. You need to learn how to deal with that yourself.

[farmerlesbian]

Sorry if this is a bit controversial or the wrong blog, but I just need to vent a bit. As a butch who's never dated/had sex, it's really disheartening to feel like so much of how people view someone as being butch or butch identities in general in relation to other people. Dating and doting on a femme. Giving pleasure effortlessly in sex. Constantly helping out with physical tasks. It's really frustrating. It's hard for me to explain, but my journey as a butch and discovering what I want out of my butch identity is for ME. I get it- I believe in centering compassion as a part of my masculinity. But that's not just for dating partners: it's for my friends, family, and strangers, and for ME. It's just frustrating for me to feel like posts that try to affirm butches end up coming back around to what butches can do for other people. It's extra heartbreaking because I'm butch4butch, not butch4femme. I love femmes as friends and community members, don't get me wrong, but I feel like so many posts just reinforce this "ideal" of a butch for other people rather than what we're actually like. I don't want to say all femmes are like this or even maliciously post like this, it's just a generalization of what I've seen in sfw/nsfw circles. I dunno, maybe I'm not getting at it right. I just don't feel like my being butch relies on who I'm dating, or how I'm having sex, or what I do for other people. It centers around how I express myself and how I express masculinity. Yes, that includes compassion, helping others, kindness, and being connected with my community. But that's because that's what I want to include in my masculinity, not because being butch requires some kind of service to other people. I just feel like there's some pressure to perform my gender a certain way, when I identify as butch because I rejected pressure to perform my gender a specific way.

i think everything youve said here makes a lot of sense to me and i understand. what youre feeling is very understandable and you are . for lack of an alternative word. valid for feeling uncomfortable!

i think this arises because people make posts (or talk about things) in a way seeking like.. broad relatability. people want to make it apply to all butches. so then we get posts that are vague and just these common denominators. what someone appreciates in YOU dearest anon, is going to be unique to you.

here i can show you the difference. I'll talk about my wife - I love the confidence and swagger she carries when she moves in the public world, the charisma she holds and the way people are drawn to her without her even trying. I love the quiet confidence and her ability to not over-speak in the way that I do haha! I often describe her as a "woman of few words". Her passion for her hobbies, and the care and attention she has for her interests - her plants, her fish and fishtanks, her dog, her bowling, her new career in carpentry, her bikes. I love the shape of her body and the solidity of her arm when i hold it, i love resting her head in my lap in the evening after we watch a tv show or something and i massage the stress out of her head and her body relaxes and she falls asleep cradled on my chest. i love the way she smiles at me over a plate of food she has cooked for us. i love the way her body feels in my hands when i touch her. i love the tattoos covering her arms and the way they ripple over her muscles as she reaches to grab something. i love her big giant mirror-lens sunglasses that nobody can see her eyes through. i love giving her fun dangly earrings as gifts over the years and the joy she has when matching them to her outfits. i love the intentionality she has in what she wears, how she styles herself each morning, and the care she has for her leather boots. i love the sweetness and cute moments we share when we are home with our animals, the soft inside she has under her tough shell, which she shares with me. i love wearing our sparklies together and i love going through our gender journeys together. i love the way she holds me accountable and expects me to be a better person, and we work to demand better from ourselves and each other ever day. all these things and so many more!

see i can't make this a relatable post because it's about one specific person! so what someone is going to appreciate about you, or things your friends and family already do love about you, are going to be unique to you too. they're not gonna be a relatable and generic post and tens of thousands of other people are going to also relate to. butches/mascs/studs are so much more than only the things yall can do for your people. you are appreciated and loved in your own right.

i hope that this makes sense

hang in there 🧡

send asks / #ask farmer lesbian

[fangyi-blog7]

What kind of ancestor will you be?

As a future museum educator, I have imagined so many ways about what can I be and what I need to do to contribute the most to museum.

For museums, we need to understand not only what we need to communicate but also what the participants are thinking, so it is important for us to understand what the participants are saying and doing, what they are thinking, what they are feeling, and whether we will be good museum educators and how we will implement museum education. Like recently when we were working on a paper on the topic of what community is, I was thinking about what we should do when we're dealing with people from different museum communities to make sure that we're communicating what they want to hear to people from each community.

After reading this week's literature, I believe that to be a good museum worker we need to be innovative in our thinking and create innovative themes and educational approaches, 1.starting with the literature that says: when we start the design thinking process- at first, we need to have Empathize, research user's needs,2. and In the Define stage, you will organize the information you have gathered during the Empathize stage. You’ll analyze your observations to define the core problems you and your team have identified up to this point. Defining the problem and problem statement must be done in a human-centered manner. 3.During the third stage of the design thinking process, designers are ready to generate ideas. You’ve grown to understand your users and their needs in the Empathize stage, and you’ve analyzed your observations in the Define stage to create a user centric problem statement. With this solid background, you and your team members can start to look at the problem from different perspectives and ideate innovative solutions to your problem statement.4.By the end of the Prototype stage, the design team will have a better idea of the product’s limitations and the problems it faces. They’ll also have a clearer view of how real users would behave, think and feel when they interact with the end product.5. Designers or evaluators rigorously test the complete product using the best solutions identified in the Prototype stage. This is the final stage of the five-stage model; however, in an iterative process such as design thinking, the results generated are often used to redefine one or more further problems. This increased level of understanding may help you investigate the conditions of use and how people think, behave and feel towards the product, and even lead you to loop back to a previous stage in the design thinking process. You can then proceed with further iterations and make alterations and refinements to rule out alternative solutions. The ultimate goal is to get as deep an understanding of the product and its users as possible. [1]

The truth is that I have some ideas inside me but they are so complex and immature that I don't know how to express them I'm constantly reading a lot of literature to make my ideas more mature.

[linkspooky]

Hey there, good festivities to you!

So, some context: I have this idea for an elsewhere jjk fic that has been bouncing around in my head for a full year now. I'm a absolute newbie at writing, my English is self-taught and elsewhere fics are very hard to get right, don't get me wrong, this isn't nearly enough to stop me from writing,

But

My education was really flawed, I am trying to catch up but as I am i can barely identify surface themes and character arcs. Unsurprisingly, my writing degenerates as I attempt to increase the complexity of what's being communicated. Currently, it's not very fun to write, I feel like a kid way over my head.

You are very good at digesting what you read, you make interesting analysis and you have fun doing it, this is the kind of relationship I would like to have with the material that I consume and for my readers to have with what I write.

How can I improve myself in this regard? What are your suggestions so I can become better at digesting deeper themes? Did you have also have to work to be able to do what you do?

Thank you for your attention!

Okay, so if you want one piece of advice when it comes to both digesting the themes in the showers you're watching, and also being able to come up with good plots and characters for your fanfiction before anything else remember, take notes, take notes, take notes!!!

There are two current projects I am working on, my Zenin Massacre Fic and my Teen Titans Fanfiction, these are the notebooks I have filled not only with character analysis and ideas on where their character arcs are going, but also plot ideas and plot outlines. If I had to guess a reason why everyone has such trouble getting even first drafts out when they are trying to write, it's because writing is a process with many different steps and a lot of people skip this step.

For one thing the reason why people can send me asks about my plans for future fics and I can give long replies is because I have those plans written down long in advance before I start. Basically if you workshop ideas even before you start writing the first draft, and get them down on paper and read them back to yourself you'll have a much more solid foundation to start with. Planning is also kind of hard sometimes, because I'm not getting anything written or getting further work done on my drafts It feels like I'm doing nothing by just sitting there with a notebook and taking notes, but it's a necessary stage to get ideas down on paper so I'm not just making it up as I go along.

As for developing better skills at understanding themes and characters in fiction, the best writer needs to be a good reader too. One thing I do is take notes when I'm watching television shows, or stop reading what book I'm reading in order to take notes. The thing is most people are smart readers whether they realize it or not. People understand story tropes subconsciously, because people are exposed to art and stories their entire life. When you watch or read a story, you react to it, you develop thoughts on whether or not its good or bad even if you're just watching it for pure popcorn enertainment. I think what most people have trouble with, is being able to express why they think what they think about a certain piece of media because that's a skill you have to develop. The basic outline is kind of like having to write a five paragraph essay though, first sentence you write down why you think this is is the way it is, the second, third, and fourth, you list reasons, the fifth you conclude.

On top of that I think people need to be exposed to other people's opinions more on whatever they're watching, like no matter how smart you are no matter what you'll miss some details. I actually look up spark notes on whatever book I'm reading a lot, or even read wikipedia articles or google for articles because reading other people's understanding of the material helps my udnerstanding.

The last piece of advice I have for you is writing is a process, so the first thing you ever write down for say a chapter of a fanfic is going to suck. This is called a Zero Draft. The only goal is getting words on paper. You can write literally everything, you can even skip scenes with stuff like [write a really cool fight scene here]. The only way to get a good draft is to accept that whatever you write at first is going to be mediocre. In fact, don't shoot for good. Shoot for slightly less mediocre as you're going through the drafting process. The goal isn't to make a masterpiece, the goal is to number 1) finish so you've at least written something 2) try to write something better than what you've written before. Slightly less mediocre is still an improvement. Just be mediocre anyway, who cares it's just fanfiction it's for fun not profit. You'll feel better having your ideas on paper for others to read even if it's not the greatest thing ever written.

In fact I think most of the stuff I post is kind of rough around the edges too because I don't have a beta reader, there's a lot of times I make some pretty big changes on a chapter like a day after I've posted it to AO3 because I get self conscious about it. So don't be down on yourself for not being good right away, being able to make any kind of art is an accomplishment!