#i have a solid understanding of how to identify and communicate them

[butts-bouncing-on-the-beltway]

I think I've been touchy lately about my feelings of access to/participation in generativity. I've been feeling really overwhelmed lately by how much needs doing and how much disparate but necessary information I'm keeping in my head. I should probably get back into my thought maps for the work on the yard and house, because I think that will make it easier for me to empty my head when I'm not actively trying to work on something.

[hazeltongzhi]

How does one argue against, for the lack of a better word, materialist defenses of capitalism (like for example "capitalist countries have higher GDP than noncapitalist countries, which means they're Better"). I used to appeal to morality when critiquing capitalism to some success in the past, but now I've been reading Real Theory more and speaking with more educated people, now I have zero faith in my ability to properly critique capitalist ideology without falling back on moralistic arguments. How does one avoid moralistic thinking, especially when talking with one not already versed in materialism?

While appeals to morality do work on some, it won't work on everyone and it sits on relatively shaky ground compared to scientific explanations. Before you do any convincing or arguing remember to know your audience. Trying to convince some bourgeoisie to support socialism won't work since it's asking them to abandon their class interests. 9 times out of 10, this simply won't work (once in a blue moon, you'll get a class traitor but don't rely on it). Do a proper class analysis of your audience before continuing.

In short, you need to scientifically and rigorously study and understand socialism, as it has and currently exists; from the Paris Commune to the PRC.

You have to know the total steel output of China in 1949 versus 2023. I kid, but understanding how the living standards of a country improved under socialism is crucial to add context. You have to understand the metrics that capitalist economists use and why they're inadequate. You have to be able to replace that with a metric that actually matters to everyday people; average lifespan, child mortality rate, electrification rate, poverty rate (not defined by IMF or world bank metrics), literacy rate, home ownership rate, etc., etc..

Another important skill is being able to identify, understand, and provide solutions for the contradictions under capitalism is also incredibly important. Anyone, including the defenders of capitalism, say that the capitalist mode of production has flaws. The question, then, is to propose a solution. For example, houselessness is an ever increasingly acute problem faced by advanced liberal democracies across the globe. The liberal answer is that this is a supply issue as having more supply should drive down the price. However, pointing out that having more supply simply makes it so that those with the economic power to purchase units will snap up those excess supply and return the market to the same equilibrium. The socialist solution, then, is to abolish the commodification of housing, getting rid of landlords or having rent caps, nationalizing developers, etc..

For most people you encounter, assuming they're proletarians, you will have to teach them the basics of materialist analysis. That means breaking them out of liberalism. To do this, you yourself need a solid understanding of dialectical materialism and historical materialism, the foundational framework of analysis for Marxism. The basics of which, being able to recognize distinct classes, their material needs, how these needs conflict with each other, and what material actions each class does to try and resolve these needs. To start breaking someone out of liberalism, you have to be able to identify and attack liberalism as an ideology. Point out how it fails to explain the world then replace it with scientific socialism. For example, liberalism posits that problems with greed, e.g. billionaires and companies exploiting workers more and more is that individual billionaires or companies are the problem and that by replacing those individuals, those systematic issues will be fixed. You have to show that those individuals act that way because the profit motive forces them to; that if they fail to bring in profit, they will be sacked by the investors or board of directors for someone who is willing to exploit. Then show that these are the material reasons for why bourgeoisie exploit, instead of inherent evilness or some immaterial thing.

It is not an easy or quick process and I myself took several years to read and learn before I started coming out in full offense on the side of scientific socialism. But this process is necessary in order to agitate, organize, and fight for a proletarian future.

[qweerhet]

i have come to realize over the past few days that a lot of bad transfeminist takes on this website are percolating in spaces where it's presumed the transfem experience is one of either attempting to be recognized as a woman socially, or wanting to be recognized as a woman socially but not attempting (with an unspoken "yet" attached), and suddenly everything coming out of those spaces about transmisogyny makes sense.

transmisogyny never applies to men because if you're a woman, you know it already. or if it does apply to men, it always benefits them, because someone who looks like a man and occupies the social role of man could never actually be a woman, at least until they start trying to occupy the social role of woman. if a woman is closeted, she'll come out eventually. people who don't chemically or surgically transition and continue to use he/him are selfishly benefiting from transmisogyny, and don't want to come out because they benefit too much from enacting violence on trans women. transfems are always treated as failed women, and never as failed men, because being transfem means trying to be recognized as a woman. nobody could ever see a real transfem as a man, only men are seen as men, and transfems do things like use she/her and wear women's clothes and go on estrogen, which means everyone knows they're transfem. transfems who are men aren't a part of this conversation. tma people who aren't women don't exist because transmisogyny comes from being perceived as a woman.

and it's like. well. i certainly know lots of people who would directly contest & cleanly disprove your presumptions here (i mean. myself being one of them, even though i do present femme full-time!), but you'll never get the chance to have your worldview shifted, because you've made your social spaces profoundly unfriendly to them!

even if you've already made an effort to decouple transmedicalism from your theory, you still have to make an effort to actually engage with & understand the material experiences of people who don't align with current narratives about transition at all. transfems who use all pronouns and grow massive beards while on e and never legally change their names or gender markers. transneutral and transandrogynous tma people. trans women who refer to themselves as women but do not want to chemically or surgically transition or publicly use pronouns other than he/him, ever. full-time female impersonators who solely use she/her and chemically and surgically transition, but still identify as men. and you have to really engage with what we say about transmisogyny, as in, listen in good faith and understand what we're expressing about its functions in our daily lives!

or you could circlejerk forever about how being a woman is the be-all-end-all of experiencing transmisogyny and personal identification is one and the same as material conditions of privilege, to the point that personal identification automatically prescribes material privilege. and shut out a solid chunk of tma people from your gender theory permanently and irrevocably. and implicitly call a solid chunk of tma people liars for talking about daily life experiences. that's cool too, definitely won't have any negative consequences for trans community and trans spaces in the broader world or anything.

[knifedog-machina]

Being Human: A Species Identity Compare and Contrast

Written by Gavin on June 27, 2024.

Hey, I'm Gavin, and despite hanging out in various alterhuman spaces, I'm 100% a human person. I live in a system with two headmates who are also human, but identify as other species as well - Max as a velociraptor therian, Jude as a dog archetrope and an android. In contrast, I specifically, completely identify as human.

What's so special about that, being human? Statistically, it's nothing remarkable - most people on Earth identify as human after all. I think what's really interesting is that, over the past year, I've been connected to communities that all contain people (or non-people, as the case may be) who partially or fully identify as nonhuman - otherkin, therians, a solid number of fictionfolk and some alterhumans. Therefore, I feel like I can compare and contrast my species identity to the experiences of others, in a way that most people who philosophize on what humanity is don't get the chance to.

We tend to think of humanity as The Default, a non-identity, since the majority of self-identified nonhumans were raised as human, and we all live in human societies. Most people don't bother clarifying that they are human unless they're dehumanized, because it seems obvious that being born human means you're human. Given humanity's position as a default state, a lot of nonhumans see it as an opposing and fundamentally different experience from nonhumanity.

In this way, species identity is similar to gender identity - cisgender people, who identify with the genders they were assigned at birth, are often assumed by transgender people to have a fundamentally different understanding of gender. I feel like both of these assumptions are oversimplifications, ones that miss out on a lot of nuance, and throughout this essay I will be comparing gender and species, as a trans man whose species is as important to him as his gender.

There are some common threads I've noticed when it comes to having a sense of identity. I wouldn't call them universal experiences, I can't read minds, but they're frequent enough to be significant. They may be more obvious when it's an identity at odds with your body (e.g. being transgender or nonhuman) - but I'd go so far as to say that plenty of cisgender (and human!) people also experience these feelings, and simply don't have the words or desire to describe their feelings with these terms.

First off, identity euphoria - the internal sense of alignment, joy, and contentedness one gets from presenting and being perceived as their identity. A trans man might experience gender euphoria from presenting and being treated as a man, and so do many cis men. Think about how thrilled many guys are when their beards fill out; that's facial hair as a presentation of masculinity, and gaining it is a gender euphoric experience. In a very similar way, a nonhuman experiences species euphoria from being perceived as their species - and so do I, as a human being.

I’m trans, so I know how gender euphoria feels for me. I find that the more I'm just treated as a man, the more that the bright elation of being correctly gendered turns into a sense of quiet satisfaction - this is what I am, and everyone knows it, and all is right with the world. There's no reason to think too much about it unless something calls attention to it, and then I feel confident and comfortable enough in myself that other people's judgements are more annoying than hurtful. I exist peacefully in my body, happy with the way people see me in it, and sometimes I'll do something that feels extra masculine and grin about it for five minutes.

My species euphoria falls into the same sort of category - I feel content with my body, the way it matches how I feel internally, and the way other people treat me because of it. I feel fundamentally comfortable with my human body map and movements, having a flat face and hands and nails, walking upright on the soles of my feet. I feel comfortable when I'm acknowledged as a human and a person, when I do something that’s known to be human - when I wear different clothes to express myself and keep out the cold, when I cook a meal to eat with people, when I sing for the fun of it, when I write and draw to share something creative, when I interact with human technology and invention and creation. Humans have been making clothes and foods and songs and adding marks to the world for about as long as they've existed, and we're still doing it, and if I think about it too long I get emotional. I’m human and I feel deeply connected to humanity, and most of the time I don't think about it because I'm treated as one, but sometimes I’ll notice that I'm doing something that just feels fundamentally human, and it's really nice - sometimes species affirmation can be in the little things, like wearing a beat-up jacket or writing a personal essay.

On the flip side, there's identity dysphoria, the distress experienced when one's identity doesn't align with the way they present or find themselves perceived as. A trans woman might feel gender dysphoria because of her body hair; many cis women also feel less feminine if they don't shave. Species dysphoria is a well-known experience in the nonhuman community, the distress of being seen as human or having a human body when you don't identify as one. Given what I said earlier, hopefully it doesn't come as a shock that people can have the opposite experience - feeling distressed about being seen as nonhuman. I get this kind of species dysphoria.

It feels odd to talk about species dysphoria when I’m not nonhuman, but I still feel it. Mostly it comes up in the context of being in alterhuman spaces, being accidentally mislabeled as nonhuman through proximity to those who are, and I've also felt it in the context of playing around with visualizing myself as nonhuman in art. My body map doesn't have nonhuman features, parts like wings or tails or claws or pointy ears. Picturing myself like that feels wrong, it feels like sandpaper, like there’s this foreign thing attached to my body and I need to cut it off so I can stop this crawling sense of my body not being my own. I used to have an awful amount of gender dysphoria, and I feel like the two are very comparable experiences - the distress of feeling like your body doesn't match your mind. I got top surgery, so the gender dysphoria is gone, and thankfully my body is actually human, because I would be just as distressed about being seen as nonhuman as I was about being seen as a girl.

It’s kind of fascinating that I feel this way, that I can’t picture myself as nonhuman without feeling incredibly uncomfortable. On the other end of the spectrum, there's the entire furry fandom, a subculture of people - most of whom definitely identify as human beings - who regularly depict themselves as nonhuman animals for fun and self-expression. We’re all human, what gives? Do they have a more malleable sense of species identity than I do?

Maybe, maybe not. I don't have a straightforward answer to that - like I said, I can't read minds, and I'm just one person. But I do have a couple thoughts on the way humans interface with nonhumanity, on the topic of enjoying it.

See, I get dysphoric about being considered nonhuman, but I've found some loopholes in there. I’m completely fine with my fictional counterpart - the character getting tossed into different AUs for our personal enrichment - being turned into a vampire, a werewolf, a selkie, an android, a person with wings. How's that any different from other expressions of nonhumanity? Well, for me, those stories don't induce dysphoria because they're about humanity, at the end of the day - how people cope with being seen as or turned into monsters, the way they treat one another and the way they treat supposed outsiders, the ways society might change if humans were slightly different animals but still called themselves human. If I were a werewolf, I'd still be human, just one living with the consequences of also being a wolf. If I had wings in a world where all humans have wings, I'm still human in the context of that world. That baseline sense of humanity is what’s important to me.

In a similar vein, I can't stand seriously being seen as nonhuman - but pretending to be nonhuman? Roleplaying? Dressing up in a costume? I can do that. I feel like there’s something very human about being fascinated by the abilities and strengths of every animal that's not your own kind, and wanting them for yourself - the human desire to fly like a bird, swim like a fish, hunt like a wolf, run like a deer.

I think a lot of what people like about fursonas is this sort of wish fulfillment, of having the cool traits of all these fascinating animals, and having that animal self-portrait still being anthro - human - enough to relate to. It's animality through an anthropomorphic lens, through how fun it can be to play pretend and express yourself as a cool deer-wolf-lion hybrid. And usually, those animal choices are symbolic, and the fursona reflects the personality of the person who made it - more often than not, it reflects the cultural stereotypes of what that animal is, instead of being true to what the animal is like as a living organism. It's about the way humans see themselves in animals, not necessarily the way we are animals. So, ironically, being a furry tends to parse as a very human thing to me.

So far, most of this essay has been a comparison, since I see a lot of similarities between identifying as human and identifying as nonhuman. Putting my species into my list of self-identifiers, like how I'd list my name and pronouns, has cemented it as a crucial part of how I view myself and want to be seen. That's the same way a lot of nonhumans think about their species. I have a strong sense of species identity, it just so happens to align with being human. Contrasting the categories seems harder to me.

I could list a bunch of different nonhuman traits that I lack, but it would be on the same level as saying one kintype is different from another. I don't care about walking on all fours, and neither does Max as a raptor. I don't instinctively try to bite a threat, I’d rather kick it, and I know a horse would agree with me. I don't long for the sky and neither does Jude, they're a dog. I don't have a prey drive and neither does a hamster. I don't feel like a nonsapient animal, and neither does an elf.

When it comes down to just being a certain species, there’s not that much of a difference between identifying as a human and identifying as a dragon. There's a bunch of traits that feel correct, and a million others that don't feel right at all.

I could say that I don't understand feeling like I don't fit in my own body, but I do - I had gender dysphoria. I have species dysphoria. If one of my partners is having a phantom shift while co-fronting with me, I invariably end up either leaving front or nullifying their shifts, because I just don't feel comfortable if our combined body map is nonhuman. I don't have memories of being a different species than I am, having abilities that I don't have in my body now, but those aren’t necessary to be nonhuman in the first place.

Do I need to find a contrast that makes sense? Does there need to be some fundamental difference between human and nonhuman identity?

I don't think so. It's all identity, at the end of the day.

[cosmicconversations]

Astrology Lesson of the Week: The 11th House

Every Monday, I will be doing my series Astrology Lesson of the Week where I dissect a certain astrological subject. I am going through the houses now and we are going to be discussing the 11th House today. On my Patreon, I will be doing an extended portion where we will go further in-depth.

So, let’s explore the 11th House!

What is the 11th House really about? Every house has its buzzwords and this one is no different. Friendships, charities, communities, online activities. But, all of that has always seemed a bit vague to me. It is interesting because it feels like few people really dive in-depth into the 11th House and maybe that is fitting. It is associated with Aquarius, which is a sign famous for its detachment and distance. Maybe the best way that we can understand this house is from an objective standpoint. And that means that the things that this house represents needs to be looked at objectively in order for us to enjoy them.

Our friends, for example, have the potential to make or break us. There is that saying that “you are who you associate with”. And that’s a key energy in terms of this house: associate. This isn’t the house that is going to solely represent your closest friends. Your best friends are more so symbolized by the 7th House, which we will get to eventually. However, your bond with your besties is found here. It will just also be lumped in here with friends you have that you’re not close to or just general acquaintances. Your 11th House is how you will approach and experience friendships, in general. And it also shows how this connections can either bring positivity to your life or hold you back. People with 11th House placements feel this more strongly than others. These are people who value their friendships in a very powerful and notable way. They can be more socially active than others, past the age where many people stop going out and partying. Even into their more “mature” stage of life, 11th House people love housewarming parties, dinner parties, networking or business events. Any way they can gather with a large group of people that they are connected to in varying degrees, they’re here for it. Their most special friendships also have a way of surviving all the adult transitions that can make people drift apart, like moving or getting married or having kids.

“Friend groups” is another representation of 11th House energy and having planets here can give you a friend group that is a really colorful, fun, and powerful unit. It’s like the camaraderie you see on Friends or Girlfriends or How I Met Your Mother or Sex and the City. 11th House people can especially enjoy shows like this and identify with them because they, too, have a friend group that is formidable and always there for each other, through the ups and downs of life, with everyone having their own distinct personality. This can be a big group or a solid quartet or just a strong trio. But, friend groups can also get very exclusionary and closed-off. And infighting can also occur. This is when a seemingly ideal group of friends turns into The Plastics. Not only could there be a lot of inner conflict but people who aren’t a part of the group can feel very unaccepted. This often happens when there are difficult planets in the 11th, in particular, like Mars or Saturn or Pluto. It’s a “with friends like these, who needs enemies” vibe.

So, we can also see the downside of the 11th House: fractured or fake friendships, social alienation, being judged or picked on for being different or not following the “social rules”. The contradiction of the 11th House person’s life is while they may be very socially well known, they can also feel like a huge misfit. It often happens that these people become “cool” in adulthood while still haunted by the experience of being an outcast while growing up. So, they may not feel that cool or popular. As someone with Uranus in the 11th, I know the dilemma. It can actually be very hard for 11th House people to let go of the “misfit/weirdo complex” and receive or recognize the love and admiration that others have for them.

The thing is that everyone has a sign on the 11th House cusp. So, even if this house is empty for you, it doesn’t mean you’re immune to feeling misunderstood or made fun of or not accepted. (Empty houses matter, too!) It’s a pretty universal experience and the sign on your 11th House cusp indicates what you felt like your peers could not accept about you. The difference with people with an occupied 11th House, though, is that we are often more capable than most of resisting the urge to conform or of not responding to peer pressure. This is part of what contributes to that “cool factor” as time goes on. When you have the confidence or comfort within yourself to just own who you are or what you like, without a concern of what people will think of it, you earn more admiration than you do ridicule, especially as you enter adulthood. What makes you different while growing up becomes your superpower. If you have a planet or more in the 11th, it represents that superpower, a gift that you can just casually do all while making a big impact as you do.

It should also be said that the 11th House can focus on groups that are more interest-oriented. Any sort of fun organization or online community, centered around a hobby or goal or interest, falls into the 11th House domain. This is the form of socializing and connecting that is more impersonal and that can often suit 11th House people very well. Sometimes, having planets here means preferring these sort of groups to a specific friend group. We can go through periods of being immersed in one or the other. Often, an aversion to just one group of friends is a defense mechanism against having your independence or individuality taken from you. As much as the 11th House is about the crowd, it’s also about the people who go against the crowd. Maybe getting burned by certain friends or acquaintances in the past or feeling too alienated by them has made you more of a lone wolf. In this sense, it is easier to have more casual friendships, for the most part, and direct more energy toward Internet connections that still help you feel a part of something bigger than you. But, maybe this is a temporary phase and you just haven’t truly found “your people” yet. As an 11th House individual, you are meant to. So, hold out hope.

However, for everyone, you can still see through this house how you spend your time online and engage with various platforms or communities. For so long, people have attributed our social media presence to the 10th House, which I think is accurate. With the 11th House, we see more specific online platforms or spaces that are about something bigger than us, whether that is “stan Twitter” or fan message boards or Reddit communities or even communities on Tumblr. Through 11th House online spaces, it is less about us. We can remain anonymous if we choose and we gain validation more so for the individual perspective we are offering our community. But, it’s not just limited to the Internet. It’s also book clubs and casual athletic teams or organizations that help people in some fashion. It is something we all feel compelled to do, consciously or not. For some people, it is more often than others. But, it is healthy to join forces or energies with others and, because of our individual differences, doing so because of what we are mutually interested in or concerned about is highly effective.

Extended Portion of Astrology Lesson for the Week (11th House) (here we will discuss how this house rules the unexpected aspects of life, collaborations, making a difference, and how bullies and fake friends get their comeuppance)

[seat-safety-switch]

It’s funny what you remember from childhood. A perfect spring day. A trip to the zoo. A thoughtful gift from a loved one. Me? Oh, just the usual: I’m dogged, every waking hour, by images of the old parking garage at the mall.

Now, I should do some qualification for all this. I didn’t actually like going to the mall (unless it was to buy toy cars; the satisfaction was short-lived, however, because they always looked suspiciously new and shiny once the package was opened.) What I enjoyed was the experience of being pulled off the street, into a building that you could drive through. The steeply angled ramps, which they’d try their best to de-ice in the winter. The flickering pillars. The beautiful red canopy on the top storey. The awkwardly long hallway to and from the mall that felt like a trip on its own.

Those of you who are too young to remember malls may now be horrified at how a place of capitalist worship has burned itself permanently into my memory. This is understandable: studies have shown that kids raised on the internet now identify most closely with abstract geometric solids and specific kinds of wait cursor. I hope you really have fond memories that fill you with joy of “flickering purple square” in 20 years. I cannot, for the life of me, remember anything about the interior of the mall. If I strain really hard, I can imagine the awkward chairs at the food court. That’s it. The parking garage is where it began and ended for me as an impressionable youth.

Nowadays, I can’t resist a good parking garage. Unfortunately, a lot of them charge a lot of cash to enter, or at least to leave. This is because the operators of these garages are solely in “the parking business.” They’re not interested in why you’re there, they just want to trap your car in money jail. As a result, I rarely get to do full-throttle rips around spiral ramps anymore, unless I’m volunteering for court-ordered community service, escorting the elderly or otherwise un-car-able around town. That childhood parking garage has long since been destroyed, but it lives on in my memory and probably that of like four other freaks, who are also a menace to society.

[spectralarchers]

COPENHAGEN, Denmark (March 8th 2023) — Scandinavian scientists said Wednesday that they have identified the oldest-known inscription referencing the Norse god Odin on part of a gold disc unearthed in western Denmark in 2020.

Lisbeth Imer, a runologist with the National Museum in Copenhagen, said the inscription represented the first solid evidence of Odin being worshipped as early as the 5th century, or at least 150 years earlier than the previous oldest known reference — on a brooch found in southern Germany and dated to the second half of the 6th century.

The disc discovered in Denmark was part of a trove containing about a kilogram (2.2 pounds) of gold, including large medallions the size of saucers and Roman coins made into jewelry. It was unearthed in the village of Vindelev, central Jutland, and dubbed the Vindelev Hoard.

Experts think the cache was buried 1,500 years ago, either to hide it from enemies or as a tribute to appease the gods. A golden bracteate, a kind of thin, ornamental pendant, which carried an inscription that read, “He is Odin’s man,” likely referring to an unknown king or overlord.

“It’s one of the best executed runic inscriptions that I have ever seen,” Imer said. Runes are symbols that early tribes in northern Europe used to communicate in writing.

Odin was one of the main gods in Norse mythology and was frequently associated with war as well as poetry.

More than 1,000 bracteates have been found in northern Europe, according to the National Museum in Copenhagen, where the trove discovered in 2020 is on display.

Krister Vasshus, an ancient language specialist, said that because runic inscriptions are rare, “every runic inscription (is) vital to how we understand the past.”

“When an inscription of this length appears, that in itself is amazing,” Vasshus said. “It gives us some quite interesting information about religion in the past, which also tells us something about society in the past.”

During the Viking Age, considered to be from 793 to 1066, Norsemen known as Vikings undertook large-scale raiding, colonizing, conquest and trading throughout Europe. They also reached North America.

The Norsemen worshipped many gods and each of them had various characteristics, weaknesses and attributes. Based on sagas and some rune stones, details have emerged that the gods possessed many human traits and could behave like humans.

“That kind of mythology can take us further and have us reinvestigate all the other 200 bracteate inscriptions that we know,” Imer said.

[farmerlesbian]

this might sound weird, and honestly I'm only asking to see if anyone else feels this way, but is like... butch imposter syndrome a thing? like I identify as a butch but I'm always worried I'm not like... butch enough if that makes sense.

i think this is an interesting application of the pop psychology term "imposter syndrome" tbh - rooted in the idea that Butch is an achievement and something one can fail at or be a faker/imposter, in the way that (so-called) high-achieving workers/professionals doubt their intellect, skills, or accomplishments. i just don't think this is really a helpful application of the concept but i will answer regarding your concerns and worries!

i personally don't believe butchness is something that one achieves or like aspires to but instead is something that one IS (but that's just my view ! i know not everyone sees it that way and that's fine, it's interesting. we don't all have to have the same conceptualization or worldview about things). i think there are many types of butches, not just one. i think that some people are butch no matter what they do, they cannot help but be butch. and other people can see it in them and treat them differently for it throughout their life, for better or worse, and whether they have the language for it or not. while for other butch people, they are butch for a time, but later find themselves to be something else and they stop being butch (or vice versa, they are something else and later come to find themself becoming butch). again, i don't think there is one true butch or way to be butch. there are LOTS.

i do believe that this sort of experience that it seems like you're describing - being worried about not being butch enough, questioning whether one is 'truly' the identity/label that one currently knows themself as - is not uncommon. i certainly see folks talking about experiencing this not infrequently! i see similar questions asked all the time. you're certainly not alone.

our advice would be to talk to other dykes that you know about how you're feeling and some of your thoughts, get their take. that can help a lot. spend time with other dykes of all kinds. also, as always, focus on the Doing and not the Labeling. the power of a good haircut that makes you feel like hot shit can't be understated. finding some dope leather boots or a pair of pants that finally fits and makes your ass look so good! flirting with a cutie!

some questions to consider, ask yourself, think about that might help you: where is this worry/fear/concern coming from? what makes you worry you’re not butch enough? what is “butch enough” to you? what does it look like? who are some people that you know are definitely butch? what are they like? how does someone who is “butch enough” carry themselves, act, dress? is that concept or ideal something you agree with and believe in? is it something you enjoy being and doing? is it something that you want to be? are you dissatisfied with how you look or what you do right now? how do you wish you were? are you afraid of criticism or seeking approval? from whom? do you value their opinion, does what they think matter to you? are you afraid of not receiving attention, of other people not being attracted to you, not being valued as part of your community if you aren’t a butch or butch enough? have you applied a label and identity to yourself and then tried to live up to it, or have you lived as yourself, seeking confidence and resonance and after that, then used a word to describe yourself?

there are no right or wrong or bad or good answers. just think about these things and evaluate how you feel. it will hopefully help you find some answers and clarity and determine where to go from here.

just remember that you're cool no matter what you are. if you become solid and confident and rooted in your butchness that's dope! or if you come to understand yourself in some other way that's dope!

[katiifaestarot]

Hello friends, beings, and starlights! this is my second tarot reading here on tumblr! Im new to the tarot community (at least on this specific platform) and would like to help guide, give honest/TRUTHFUL advice, and be a safe space for anyone + everyone who feels safe here! 🧚🏽‍♀️✨️

My goals/intentions are always to help others through my experience, to teach/guide them to work on themselves, and encourage them to find the strength, courage, discipline, and honest wisdom within themselves, without looking for outside validation! ♡♡♡

** I AM NOT A MEDICAL OR HEALTH PROFESSIONAL; PLEASE USE YOUR OWN JUDGEMENT AND DISCERNMENT TO DETERMINE IF YOU NEED OR WANT TO SEEK PROPER HELP OR TREATMENTS FOR YOURSELF OUTSIDE OF TUMBLR OR SOCIAL MEDIA!!

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This second reading is just an easy, breezy, maybe a bit HEAVY for some; what you need to hear // whatever else comes through while I channel! ( again ) ˚ʚ♡ɞ˚

There are 4 piles and you will be picking through angel #'s that are right below this text! Feel free to look at the specific photos for each pile if you feel called too!

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✨️🧚🏽‍♀️please choose your pile and may your intuition and inner knowing guide you to the pile with the energy most suited for you and most suited to help you along your path at this current point in time, no matter what that looks like🧚🏽‍♀️✨️

PILE 1- 555

PILE 2- 666

PILE 3- 777

PILE 4- 888

** sometimes ( most of the time ) i will pick up on multiple energies that need attention or want to be expressed during the reading so i ASK YOU TO UNDERSTAND THIS DURING MY READINGS:

** depending on how the reader (YOU) chooses to look at the situation or however the situation resonates for the reader (YOU) and because this is a general reading;

⚠️you HAVE to be able to use your better discernment + better judgement skills to fully absorb the message and be able to do the necessary work to keep you on track for the future you WANT for yourself⚠️

🧿im not a fortune teller,

i am an energy reader.🧿

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OKAY PILE 1:

You're definitely going through some sort of gnarly OR fitting + VERY much needed rebirth; and depending on how the reader is choosing to look at this new beginning, its either a solid effort on accepting this reality and accepting you dont know everything OR you're wallowing and taking the stance of the victim. both are valid. but the 2nd perspective must change at some point......when you're ready.

This rebirth is happening inside and outside of yourself, and its causing disharmony, chaos, painful changes, and no BullSht; EMOTIONAL DAMAGE!! but also.....its creating new ideas, new inspiration, new LIFE!! figuratively OR literally(👀).

Its helping you adapt to lifes twists, turns, and all the windy messes in between. This isnt supposed to be a comforting message.....but its also not meant to scare you either. This message is about acceptance.

Accept and celebrate how far you've come but accept and acknowledge your mistakes and missteps, identifying how to move better or correctly for next time. Accept things as they are now but accept the emotional turmoil that may come along with that. Accept the missed opportunities but PLEASE also accept that there is better for you, out there, somewhere, I PROMISE!!

This specific rebirth is happening in your life, at this specific time because its trying to get you to SHED all the outgrown aspects of your life so you are more able to see the life that you deserve and go after your dreams/plans/goals in a more confident, conscious, considerate, aware, authentic, healthy, and ((all that good stuff)) , WAY!!!

It'll take some time, some tears, hardwork, determination, mental fortitude, faith, and trust....but YOU believe in YOU, and I believe in YOU!! so start living again, in ways that make sense to you. Feel right to you.

think of yourself as emerging from the womb again: make up your life however you want without fear, this will lead you down a path of self discovery and hearty lessons to help you grow and change, but stay steady in who you are no matter what!

powerful stuff pile 1, but to encounter new growth, better situations, and more understanding within yourselves; you need to prepare yourself to let go of rotted wood, garbage, or dead weight in your current foundations or perspectives.

abandon the old schemes and everything that no longer belongs to you and overcome the challenges of transformation and rebirth.

xtra signs or confirmations + advice:

•realizing // focusing on the repeating cycles,patterns,lessons, etc currently in your life.

•facing your shadows and calling judgement upon yourself + sitting in the uncomfortableness that comes along with life.

•not being afraid or affected by outside noise or other peoples perceptions of you anymore.

•take risks again! try and make yourself smile, widen your world view, stop and appreciate whats around you, something new is coming, expect the best and it will happen!

•pluto,mushrooms,scorpio energy,rebirth,healing,TRANSFORMATION,finding your voice, change your old ways.

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OKAY PILE 2:

HEAVY @ s$ energy. and im sorry for any betrayal felt on your part from this ending im CLEARLY picking up on. I hope you know how possible it is to move on, let go, release whatever or whoever, and just BREATHE AGAIN. I feel sick to my stomach but relieved, hurt but okay, numb but faintly hopeful for my future.....its very faint, but the emotion is there.

You've been through it and im sorry pile 2, i hope you know the more you keep pushing and getting over this percieved setback and/or tough loss that has occurred, the stronger you'll be because of it. You're going to learn such a valuabe lesson from this or you might of already learned that lesson, but either way you deserve better.....and frankly, MORE!

SO DONT BE AFRAID TO ASK // GIVE YOURSELF WHAT YOU WANT AND KNOW YOU DESERVE!! NO ONE SHOULD MAKE YOU FEEL LIKE A BURDEN OR LIKE YOU ARENT GOOD ENOUGH TO GO AFTER WHAT YOU WANT// NEED FOR YOURSELF!! AND IF THEY DO, THEN CUT THEM OFFFFFFFF!!!

The big message here is to let that which must fall away, ACTUALLY FALL AWAY, and find balance between your desires and the people around you.

dont get so caught up in the what ifs, just do what feels right and speaks to your heart + listen and make decisions that your higher self would be proud of, prove your worth to yourself, NOT some else.

pile2, this is a tough message but straight-forward too. Let go, move on, heal, grow, learn,change + this process looks and feels different to everyone so whatever works 4u, lean into that!!

xtra signs or confirmations + advice:

•review your life by asking YOURSELF questions that might trigger a heartfelt response from you!!

•reclaim your power, meditate, learn about yourself, reparent yourself, help yourself and save yourself, no ones coming to help OR save you.

• "people come to see us for a reason, or sometimes just a season", focus on yourself for awhile.

• dont underrate yourself, build your confidence up, air sign sun, capricorn energy, Jupiter influence in chart, looking into the age of aquarius recently, air sign energy, astrologer or HIGHLY interested in astrology.

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OKAY PILE 3:

pile 3, you might hate hearing this but YOU GUYS ARE STRONG, RESILIENT, DETERMINED, STUBBORN, AND A HUGE ADVOCATE FOR YOURSELF AND THATS HONESTLY SO INSPIRING AND ADMIRABLE!!!

which is why I must also say; you have to start taking responsibility for your own life and your own choices!! You're doing just fine standing in your power, but sometimes impulsiveness gets the better of you. And theres nothing wrong with that!!! But be careful, and ask for help when needed! Everything in moderation is always good. and that is very sound, safe, + solid advice.

life can feel like a confusing but interconnected web at times, but eventually you'll meet other people with similar expirences + ideas so even if it feels empty or lonely or confusing now, you're on the right path to find that support and stability you crave + the assistance and advice or guidance needed to help keep you straight! do not fear or worry, you're doing just fine.

ultimately the message is: when you finally realize, accept, and integrate the belief or truth that you are the engineer of your own life, you'll start to see better results and start moving your @ s$ to make better choices for your future + yourself. dont be inactive too long or you might risk losing a few good opportunities, that doesnt mean leap before you're ready, but that DOES mean doing the work NOW so you catch the good, stable, solid opportunities when they come sooner!

only you have the answers to what it is you truly want so start being honest with yourself and LAYING THE PROPER FOUNDATIONS FOR YOUR FUTURE!!!!

xtra signs or confirmations + advice:

•libra energy, venus placements, balancing of situations, the unseen is working behind the scenes, protect your ideas + your desires, be hopeful but stay realistic, logic vs emotion, listen to your heart, ignore your fears

•pray if you trust in something bigger than you!

•your gaining a sense of YOUR reality and its giving you a sense of responsibility so act on this accordingly and take this as an opportunity to learn + grow

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OKAY PILE 4:

daammn your message came out quick and fast : there's highs AND lows in life, dont get caught up in either extreme. This reality of life is a fact, nothing you can change, so you must change your response to this reality of life.

There's sunshine+rainbows and There's darkness+shadows. There's beautiful duality everywhere. There's clear vision and There's confused outlook. What perspective do you see right now? Either is okay and Either is tremendously valid.

Believing in yourself and your dreams is hard when nobody is paying attention to your efforts or maybe commending you for your little and big wins through the process. BUT when the results do come....when the fruit is finally ready to be picked.....it feels that much more rewarding when you can look back and say " I did it. "

Stay committed towards your dreams and move forward with confidence, IN SPITE of the negativity and other things being thrown your way. Stay hopeful and optimistic. Even if its hard! Stay grateful too!! Find the light at the end of tunnel to make things easier for yourself!

You have the ability to see what others tend to miss so use this to sniff out people who are NOT on your side or maybe using you in some way!! Dont let yourself lose integrity over something stupid, walk-away when you must, to avoid any conflicts later!

xtra signs or confirmations + advice:

•4, stability, 444, strong foundations being built, cancer, leo, sun or moon placements, nurturing your mind, body, spirit.

•go steady and at a comfortable pace, ignore outside negativity, take in constructive advice, learn to control your reactions.

•you are a human with needs, wants, desires....dont be afraid to go after them!___________________________________________

I sincerely hope you received what you needed and released what you don't !! See you again soon!! Take it easyyy and just breathe and fllooowwww!!! you got this! byyeee~🧚🏽‍♀️✨️

**please let me know how I'm doing in any way you can! that is the easiest way to support me and also a good way to signal to me that I should keep going + any helpful advice from the community would be welcomed and appreciated 🥺 🥹 🙏🏼

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**ONCE AGAIN, I AM NOT A MEDICAL OR HEALTH PROFESSIONAL; PLEASE USE YOUR OWN JUDGEMENT AND DISCERNMENT TO DETERMINE IF YOU NEED OR WANT TO SEEK PROPER HELP OR TREATMENTS FOR YOURSELF OUTSIDE OF TUMBLR OR SOCIAL MEDIA!!

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[yelena-bellova]

I actually think it's quite clear why they're having Francesca fall in love with Michaela right away and also why her story was the one they chose. At first, I didn't understand it that much as, from my understanding, the book centered on the themes of guilt and grief. But after reading some interviews from the show-runners, it's clear they feel the primary focus of the novel was on Francesca feeling "different" - which in retrospect is highly emphasized in the show, and is how we get to her being a lesbian (they're not going to make her bisexual, I'lll get to that). It's not how I view the story, but I'm not going to criticize someone for experiencing media differently than me.

Anyways, why does she fall in love right away? One, I'm going to be frank, main stream audiences cannot handle a truly bisexual lead. Parts of the internet would lose their shit if a woman who ends up with a woman had actual genuine feelings for a man while the other part of the internet would lose their shit that a woman who loved a man fell in love with a woman. Both sides would, ironically, agree she was just a lesbian all along so there's no point in trying to make her not one.

Secondly, I think romance in general - and particularly Bridgerton - doesn't usually focus on the idea of multiple loves that are of equal value. The genre is geared towards finding your one great love (and that's great! I love it! It's romantic and sweet, and I don't need my bodice-ripper novels to try to tackle real life romance). This is also emphasized in the show, where Violet was clearly feeling like Francesca was settling, hinting that her real love won't be with John. And in TV and film, this is 100% exasperated by shipping - audiences become extremely attached to a main couple, so killing them off will cause chaos. It just makes sense within this context to remove any romantic love from John as, from the perspective of the genre, that devalues the love between Francesca and Micheal/Michaela.

And what is the easiest way to remove romantic love between John and Francesca while keeping John a sympathetic and loving character?

All this to say, Francesca will NEVER love John, not romantically. And that makes her set up perfect for her to be a lesbian. If she never loved John, then his death can be sad, but ultimately not cause any actual conflict for the neat and tidy 8 episode arc of her season. It gives the audience the chance to say "wow, so sad she lost her husband, who she was clearly friends with, but also it's not that sad because now she'll ACTUALLY fall in love for real this time."

From a plot perspective, without any novel attachment, it's actually pretty solid and hits the tropes I would expect a queer romance to hit if it needed to exist within the Bridgerton verse. Dare I say, it's frankly even rather cliché?

So again, I disagree with a lot of this but I’m still going to share it because whoever this is didn’t come from a place of hate.

1: I’ve read the interviews with Jess Brownell about deciding to change Francesca’s story because she herself identified with the “different” aspect being a queer woman. Setting aside all sexual/gender politics, that’s a key mistake a lot of writers make. When writing for a show like this it’s good to make it personal, but not self-service. To morph an entire storyline to fit what you took from the book, even if few others did, is a bad writing choice.

2: I do agree that the world has no idea what to with bisexuality. I see more hate for bisexuals than nearly any other subsection of the LGBTQ community. I do think, however, that the Bridgerton fanbase is a bit more accepting. I’ve seen a lot of issue be taken with Benedict’s storyline this season but not because he’s bi/pan, but because of the shoddy editing and writing for his scenes.

3: “Bodice ripping novels” gave me a good laugh 😂😂

4: The change of Francesca’s potential lack of romantic feelings for John is probably my biggest issue with the whole situation. It truly feels like an unnecessary change. Even in going forward with setting up Francesca and Michaela for happily ever after, they could have saved Francesca developing feelings until after John had passed. Enough book readers would have been talking online about who Michaela was and who she becomes to Francesca that people would have known. In my eyes, there truly was no reason to eliminate that part of the story.

[sexisdisgusting]

Soz idk where else to say this so I’m saying it to you: I just realized, I think the reason TRAs in particular are so dismissive of feminism and oppressive sexism, instead only focusing on choice feminism, is bc if we actually acknowledged how oppressed females are, then they’d be forced to realize how fucked up it is to “identify” as us.

Example: They know transracial is bad, they know it’s bad to identify as a race you aren’t, because you can’t identify into a marginalized group like that when you’re not part of it! Obviously!

But if that’s true, what about women? Sexism is just as bad as racism, just as systemic and violent. Why is it ok for the oppressor group to not only identify as a marginalized sex group they’re not a part of, but then go on to speak over said marginalized group and destroy their spaces and wish death and rape on them for being upset by their oppressors “identifying” as them? Racial dysphoria is a thing too, I know people who have racial dysphoria, yet they know clearly that it’s offensive to “transition” into a group they don’t belong to, they work through their dysphoria in other ways instead.

so what’s the difference? Like really? What is the difference? The answer is there isn’t one. No one can think of a solid reason why one is ok and the other isn’t. Race and gender are both social constructs, but are based on biological and genetic traits. Race and gender both come with inherent trauma, including generational trauma. Race and gender both have history and family ties attached to them. Both are connected to lineage. What’s the difference?!

since no one can answer this, libfems will either get completely stuck and just ignore it, or they will end up at one of 2 stops. Those being that either “transracial” is valid, or that women aren’t really THAT oppressed. Usually these yt folk know better than to go for the former, so that leaves the latter. The reality of systemic sex based oppression defeats their entire ideology. I should know, I’m 20, I was trans identified for 10 years, grew up in the community, and just thinking about this critically for 3 fucking seconds made me do a complete 180 in a week. A. Week.

(I’m poc though, I get yt trans don’t really gaf bout us unless we’re useful as o mystical kweer savages who had 3000 genders. For those of you who don’t understand racism, think about transabled or something like dat. It’s not quite the same, but you get it. Disability is really just a social construct assigned to a real phenomena! Now imagine a group of “transautistic” people getting an autism support centre defunded, spraypainting “kill all trans-autistic exclusionary disabled rights activists” on the windows, and nailing dead rats to the doors, because they weren’t assisting “trans-autistic” people. You get it?)

Leaving yall on this. If you support dylan mulvaney then u should also support oli london, because they’re the same.

my fucking god anonita

you neednt EVER apologize for blessing my askbox like this holy shit

i dont think i have anything to add except that you are so fucking right, you summed it up PERFECTLY

i started reading this ask while laying down and found myself sitting up by the end of it

im so happy knowing an intelligent woman like you is following me, and im so fucking proud of you

[freakzofnurture]

Thinking about the headcanon that Della and Donald are both trans and they took each others names as kids.

I’d like to imagine it started as pretending to be each other when they were really young. Like, “let’s swap places today” because they’re twins. And they can.

Something about being seen as the opposite gender had them confused and yet excited. For kids, they don’t tend to overcomplicate stuff like gender, and so they probably just thought “it feels better to be a boy/girl, so I should be one”

At first, people thought it was just some funny play pretend thing that the twins would get over in a week, but they persisted with it.

I think that Della would be much more adamant about the name swap. If anybody called either of them the wrong name, she would be quick to correct them. Donald would probably shrug it off and act like it didn’t bother him, even if it did.

After awhile, people started to just accept it. Since the two seemed like they really liked it, why not just allow them this? It’s not hurting anyone, and it makes them happy. That was what mattered.

As they grew up, they found it quite easy to simply excuse the names on their records as “a mistake”, since “that’s my bother’s name.” — or they would tell people that their birth certificates got mixed up in the hospital.

It was almost like some kind of long running joke the two had. Yet at the end of the day, it went much deeper than humour. They felt so much more comfortable and confident in themselves after changing genders.

Everyone realized this fact too. Clearly it is much more than a silly scheme done by mischievous children. Clearly they genuinely feel good with this change. And certainly, as the two would come to know later on, there is a term for feeling this way. Not only that, but a community too.

Nearing adulthood, the two understand their identities far more than they could ever as children.

Della sees herself as a transfem nonbinary person. Mostly, she’s chill with her gender. It doesn’t really matter to her what she’s seen as, as long as it’s not a man. She would be fine with lots of different pronouns, but mostly uses she/they.

Donald would be a lot more strict with what he wants to be seen as. I can imagine him identifying as purely trans male with he/him pronouns. To him, if there’s not a solid identity to cling onto, it will make him feel like he’s nothing. Which, to Della, would be okay. But to Donald… he can’t.

Of course this leaves plenty of plot holes, such as how Della could have had the kids, but hey. I’m not a magician. This is a silly headcanon for my own enjoyment! Sit down and eat my trans autistic twin propaganda and LIKE IT!

[dhmis-autism]

I agree with u too,, I think leaving the book and the meaning of the show itself ambiguous is what makes it so special,,

why conceal a story into a tiny box when there are hundreds of possibilities available all at once? It’s an endless sandbox and I think it’s super fun to play around with :]

Many theories are still coming out to this day! And I think that’s neat :3c

I do understand the desire to understand the meaning of the show though! There’s still a part of me that would love to know the meaning behind everything just to satisfy my curiosity, but I ultimately enjoy not having to worry about canon, because technically there is no canon if that makes sense

everything is wrong and right at the same time

HAH I mean from a writing/storytelling standpoint I actually do love the meaning of the show being ambiguous, having no real solid identifiable plot! I think it sort of helps put the audience in the characters shoes, where they're in this sort of half-aware dream state, where something is clearly SO wrong but they can't articulate it whatsoever. They all know it on some level. And by giving us nothing, BB&J (becky, baker n joe) effectively put us in that same spot! I think it's really, genuinely clever writing. When the characters are surprised by sudden changes in scenery and environment or even just camera cuts, so are we! When they get thrown off when a song is cut off or interrupted, so are we! I think it's sort of because we don't expect characters in a show to react to the environment/scenarios like that! It's a fun playing with expectations that really works to the shows benefit, especially on a surrealist level!

I can't agree on the last bit tho lol- I personally have NO desire to learn about the setting of the show or meaning in any way whatsoever. My main point of interest in it is the character dynamics/characters! And the rest of the stuff is like stuffing to me. Like I'm almost not even really interested in Lesley just because of how we know more of her as a narrative device and very little about her as a character. To me, the weird setting and abnormal horror of the world they live in is just my avenue to seeing my 3 little fucked up guys brains work for 2 hours straight and seeing them totally mess up basic communication!! LOL

^^^^ WHAT WATCHING THE SHOW FEELS LIKE FOR ME

[drdemonprince]

Hey newly-realized Autistic here.

I’m trying to find an Autistic therapist!

Which is hella hard. There are tons of Allistic people that know about Autism and want to help me, but the communication differences alone would be too much to actually delve into the issues I need help with. I’ve been seeing Allistic therapists for yearsss, long before I realized I was Autistic. And it doesn’t work very well! But most places like TherapyDen don’t have a good way to search for stuff like that, just Allistic people with training in Autism. Any ideas??

You may have seen a post I made a week or two back about how difficult it is for a therapist to be openly Autistic. The systematic discrimination against Autistic people in mental health is why you’re having a hard time finding a good provider right now. Very few Autistic people get to be therapists under our current system, and nearly all those who do exist cannot safely be “out”. 

Autistic people and people who are open about having mental illnesses and disabilities are pervasively excluded from psychology and psychiatry, because those fields dehumanize us as part of how they function. what that means is that while there are a growing percentage of great Autistic therapists out there, they are very hard to find. Doing a search for an out Autistic therapist usually will not work, because most of them have to be closeted in order to have a career and maintain licensure. 

This also means some of the allistic therapists you might have looked past right now are actually Autistic themselves, but not free to openly identify as such.

In order to vet a potential therapist and find one that is Autism-competent, you will have to ask more specific and measured questions, rather than just filtering for an Autistic practitioner. I think more therapy patients should get in the habit of grilling their potential providers in general. How comfortable a therapist is answering questions and explaining their process can be quite telling about their relationship to authority and their respect for patient self-advocacy in general. 

When you are first emailing with a therapist or inquiring about future appointments on the phone, ask them questions like this:

Do you have experience working with adult Autistic patients?

What, in your view, are some of the biggest struggles that Autistic patients typically face? (if they mention external and systemic factors like ableism or capitalism, these are good signs -- if they mention inherent deficits that Autistics supposedly have, not so much)

Have you worked with masked Autistic patients before, and what is your understanding of what masking is and what unique therapeutic challenges it presents?

What are some of the unique struggles, in your experience, that queer Autistic patients face? What about Autistic people of color? Or Autistic women?

Are you familiar with the concept of neurodiversity, and how does it inform your therapeutic practice?

What are some ways that non-Autistic therapists commonly fail their Autistic patients, and what are some steps you’ve taken to avoid doing that kind of harm? 

Every therapist has limitations, blindspots, and areas where they should continue growing their knowledge. Where do you think you still have room to grow? 

A good therapist will have answers to all of these questions and won't be defensive about being asked them. If a provider is well equipped to address questions like these, the odds are good that they are in some way neurodivergent themselves and have done the inner work necessary to be a solid provider to their ND patients. Being an Autistic therapist, after all, is not enough. Identity does not absolve someone from having absorbed a lot of damaging societal shit -- and ableism is baked into how all therapists are trained. So honestly I'd recommend asking questions like these even if you did know for a fact that a provider was Autistic. And since you usually won't get to know that, these questions will get to the heart of the issue a bit indirectly.

I would love it if anyone else who has found an Autism-competent therapist would share any questions they used to vet potential providers in the replies.

[farmerlesbian]

Sorry if this is a bit controversial or the wrong blog, but I just need to vent a bit. As a butch who's never dated/had sex, it's really disheartening to feel like so much of how people view someone as being butch or butch identities in general in relation to other people. Dating and doting on a femme. Giving pleasure effortlessly in sex. Constantly helping out with physical tasks. It's really frustrating. It's hard for me to explain, but my journey as a butch and discovering what I want out of my butch identity is for ME. I get it- I believe in centering compassion as a part of my masculinity. But that's not just for dating partners: it's for my friends, family, and strangers, and for ME. It's just frustrating for me to feel like posts that try to affirm butches end up coming back around to what butches can do for other people. It's extra heartbreaking because I'm butch4butch, not butch4femme. I love femmes as friends and community members, don't get me wrong, but I feel like so many posts just reinforce this "ideal" of a butch for other people rather than what we're actually like. I don't want to say all femmes are like this or even maliciously post like this, it's just a generalization of what I've seen in sfw/nsfw circles. I dunno, maybe I'm not getting at it right. I just don't feel like my being butch relies on who I'm dating, or how I'm having sex, or what I do for other people. It centers around how I express myself and how I express masculinity. Yes, that includes compassion, helping others, kindness, and being connected with my community. But that's because that's what I want to include in my masculinity, not because being butch requires some kind of service to other people. I just feel like there's some pressure to perform my gender a certain way, when I identify as butch because I rejected pressure to perform my gender a specific way.

i think everything youve said here makes a lot of sense to me and i understand. what youre feeling is very understandable and you are . for lack of an alternative word. valid for feeling uncomfortable!

i think this arises because people make posts (or talk about things) in a way seeking like.. broad relatability. people want to make it apply to all butches. so then we get posts that are vague and just these common denominators. what someone appreciates in YOU dearest anon, is going to be unique to you.

here i can show you the difference. I'll talk about my wife - I love the confidence and swagger she carries when she moves in the public world, the charisma she holds and the way people are drawn to her without her even trying. I love the quiet confidence and her ability to not over-speak in the way that I do haha! I often describe her as a "woman of few words". Her passion for her hobbies, and the care and attention she has for her interests - her plants, her fish and fishtanks, her dog, her bowling, her new career in carpentry, her bikes. I love the shape of her body and the solidity of her arm when i hold it, i love resting her head in my lap in the evening after we watch a tv show or something and i massage the stress out of her head and her body relaxes and she falls asleep cradled on my chest. i love the way she smiles at me over a plate of food she has cooked for us. i love the way her body feels in my hands when i touch her. i love the tattoos covering her arms and the way they ripple over her muscles as she reaches to grab something. i love her big giant mirror-lens sunglasses that nobody can see her eyes through. i love giving her fun dangly earrings as gifts over the years and the joy she has when matching them to her outfits. i love the intentionality she has in what she wears, how she styles herself each morning, and the care she has for her leather boots. i love the sweetness and cute moments we share when we are home with our animals, the soft inside she has under her tough shell, which she shares with me. i love wearing our sparklies together and i love going through our gender journeys together. i love the way she holds me accountable and expects me to be a better person, and we work to demand better from ourselves and each other ever day. all these things and so many more!

see i can't make this a relatable post because it's about one specific person! so what someone is going to appreciate about you, or things your friends and family already do love about you, are going to be unique to you too. they're not gonna be a relatable and generic post and tens of thousands of other people are going to also relate to. butches/mascs/studs are so much more than only the things yall can do for your people. you are appreciated and loved in your own right.

i hope that this makes sense

hang in there 🧡

send asks / #ask farmer lesbian

[katiifaestarot]

Hello Beautiful + Fellow Fae friends, beings, and starlights! Welcome to my first tarot reading here on tumblr! Im new to the tarot community (at least on this specific platform) and would like to help guide, give honest/TRUTHFUL advice, and be a safe space for anyone+everyone who feels safe here! 🧚🏽‍♀️✨️

My goals/intentions are always to help others through my experience, to teach/guide them to work on themselves, and encourage them to find the strength, courage, discipline, and honest wisdom within themselves, without looking for outside validation!

Editing Note*** realized after i finished all piles, each tarot card was from the sword suit so its important to note Aquarius, Libra, and Gemini energy is present!! You dont have to personally identify with those placements, signs, or even energy; just thought it was important to note!**

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My first reading is just a general message of what you **might need to hear // whatever comes through while I channel! ˚ʚ♡ɞ˚

There are 3 piles and you will be picking through angel #'s that are right below this text! Feel free to look at the specific photos for each pile if you feel called too!

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ANGEL #'s :

PILE 1- 555

PILE 2- 111

PILE 3- 333 ( oop- what a coincidence!)

take your time, really tune into what you **might need to hear today! Ok, OFF YOU GO!! 🧚🏽‍♀️✨️

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PILE 1 (555)

Put down your swords! Stop being so defensive pile 1 !!!! You are okay and going towards exactly what you want/need for yourself! But you cant fully enjoy it if you're still in an energy of defensiveness//negative outlook. How can you better understand what you might need at this time? What will it take for you to trust yourself again? How can you look for the negativity in your own mind and get rid of it? Dont be so cruel and harsh to yourself and others. Try to find the hope again. Allow and welcome the change that will transform you in a healthy, secure, solid way. Let go. Its time to release and move on. Change is inevitable, get used to it !

((so many crows GAWKED while i did your pile, then completely stopped when i moved onto to pile 2, so that could be significant))

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PILE 2 (111)

Pile 2, How can you nurture yourself, your mind, body, soul, spirit, YOUR EMOTIONS at this time? How can you truly give to yourself and feel excited about life and going after what you want again? Its time to believe in yourself! To trust yourself!! TO FEEL COMFORTABLE IN YOUR OWN SKIN AGAIN! Let the new beginnings wash over you and bring relief that so much has changed. Change shouldn't make you feel fear, it should ignite a flame inside of you to want to look for more outside of your comfort zones and in the unknowns!! Give to yourself, nurture yourself, love yourself fully and watch this bright, beautiful, AMAZING! soul within yourself thrive♡

(( the wind was harsh at points during your reading, so you could like wind or the wind calms you! not for everybody, just take if it resonates and leave it alone if it doesnt! ))

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PILE 3 (333) hehe, very coincidencedental

Ok y'all are so divinely guided and such a unique and diverse group of talented and skillful beings pile 3 !! Your ability to adapt is a trained skilled within you at this point......but have you adapted too much to certain situations and people that now they have left you feeling burned out, numb, and just a shell of yourself? How can you set and maintain healthy, effective, and solid boundaries within yourself, so that extends to set and MAINTAINING boundaries with others outside of yourself? What does that process look like to you and how can you start to balance the scales so you feel more open, free, and safe to express yourself authentically?

( very weird and funny thing popped up while i channeled this message: poop. You could have constipation or poop just has significance for you💀 defiently not for everybody, so take it if it resonates and leave it, if it doesnt !! )

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I sincerely hope you received what you needed and released what you don't !! See you again soon!! Take it easyyy and just breathe and fllooowwww!!! you got this! byyeee~🧚🏽‍♀️✨️