#i have a solid understanding of how to identify and communicate them

[butts-bouncing-on-the-beltway]

I think I've been touchy lately about my feelings of access to/participation in generativity. I've been feeling really overwhelmed lately by how much needs doing and how much disparate but necessary information I'm keeping in my head. I should probably get back into my thought maps for the work on the yard and house, because I think that will make it easier for me to empty my head when I'm not actively trying to work on something.

[qweerhet]

i have come to realize over the past few days that a lot of bad transfeminist takes on this website are percolating in spaces where it's presumed the transfem experience is one of either attempting to be recognized as a woman socially, or wanting to be recognized as a woman socially but not attempting (with an unspoken "yet" attached), and suddenly everything coming out of those spaces about transmisogyny makes sense.

transmisogyny never applies to men because if you're a woman, you know it already. or if it does apply to men, it always benefits them, because someone who looks like a man and occupies the social role of man could never actually be a woman, at least until they start trying to occupy the social role of woman. if a woman is closeted, she'll come out eventually. people who don't chemically or surgically transition and continue to use he/him are selfishly benefiting from transmisogyny, and don't want to come out because they benefit too much from enacting violence on trans women. transfems are always treated as failed women, and never as failed men, because being transfem means trying to be recognized as a woman. nobody could ever see a real transfem as a man, only men are seen as men, and transfems do things like use she/her and wear women's clothes and go on estrogen, which means everyone knows they're transfem. transfems who are men aren't a part of this conversation. tma people who aren't women don't exist because transmisogyny comes from being perceived as a woman.

and it's like. well. i certainly know lots of people who would directly contest & cleanly disprove your presumptions here (i mean. myself being one of them, even though i do present femme full-time!), but you'll never get the chance to have your worldview shifted, because you've made your social spaces profoundly unfriendly to them!

even if you've already made an effort to decouple transmedicalism from your theory, you still have to make an effort to actually engage with & understand the material experiences of people who don't align with current narratives about transition at all. transfems who use all pronouns and grow massive beards while on e and never legally change their names or gender markers. transneutral and transandrogynous tma people. trans women who refer to themselves as women but do not want to chemically or surgically transition or publicly use pronouns other than he/him, ever. full-time female impersonators who solely use she/her and chemically and surgically transition, but still identify as men. and you have to really engage with what we say about transmisogyny, as in, listen in good faith and understand what we're expressing about its functions in our daily lives!

or you could circlejerk forever about how being a woman is the be-all-end-all of experiencing transmisogyny and personal identification is one and the same as material conditions of privilege, to the point that personal identification automatically prescribes material privilege. and shut out a solid chunk of tma people from your gender theory permanently and irrevocably. and implicitly call a solid chunk of tma people liars for talking about daily life experiences. that's cool too, definitely won't have any negative consequences for trans community and trans spaces in the broader world or anything.

[knifedog-machina]

Being Human: A Species Identity Compare and Contrast

Written by Gavin on June 27, 2024.

Hey, I'm Gavin, and despite hanging out in various alterhuman spaces, I'm 100% a human person. I live in a system with two headmates who are also human, but identify as other species as well - Max as a velociraptor therian, Jude as a dog archetrope and an android. In contrast, I specifically, completely identify as human.

What's so special about that, being human? Statistically, it's nothing remarkable - most people on Earth identify as human after all. I think what's really interesting is that, over the past year, I've been connected to communities that all contain people (or non-people, as the case may be) who partially or fully identify as nonhuman - otherkin, therians, a solid number of fictionfolk and some alterhumans. Therefore, I feel like I can compare and contrast my species identity to the experiences of others, in a way that most people who philosophize on what humanity is don't get the chance to.

We tend to think of humanity as The Default, a non-identity, since the majority of self-identified nonhumans were raised as human, and we all live in human societies. Most people don't bother clarifying that they are human unless they're dehumanized, because it seems obvious that being born human means you're human. Given humanity's position as a default state, a lot of nonhumans see it as an opposing and fundamentally different experience from nonhumanity.

In this way, species identity is similar to gender identity - cisgender people, who identify with the genders they were assigned at birth, are often assumed by transgender people to have a fundamentally different understanding of gender. I feel like both of these assumptions are oversimplifications, ones that miss out on a lot of nuance, and throughout this essay I will be comparing gender and species, as a trans man whose species is as important to him as his gender.

There are some common threads I've noticed when it comes to having a sense of identity. I wouldn't call them universal experiences, I can't read minds, but they're frequent enough to be significant. They may be more obvious when it's an identity at odds with your body (e.g. being transgender or nonhuman) - but I'd go so far as to say that plenty of cisgender (and human!) people also experience these feelings, and simply don't have the words or desire to describe their feelings with these terms.

First off, identity euphoria - the internal sense of alignment, joy, and contentedness one gets from presenting and being perceived as their identity. A trans man might experience gender euphoria from presenting and being treated as a man, and so do many cis men. Think about how thrilled many guys are when their beards fill out; that's facial hair as a presentation of masculinity, and gaining it is a gender euphoric experience. In a very similar way, a nonhuman experiences species euphoria from being perceived as their species - and so do I, as a human being.

I’m trans, so I know how gender euphoria feels for me. I find that the more I'm just treated as a man, the more that the bright elation of being correctly gendered turns into a sense of quiet satisfaction - this is what I am, and everyone knows it, and all is right with the world. There's no reason to think too much about it unless something calls attention to it, and then I feel confident and comfortable enough in myself that other people's judgements are more annoying than hurtful. I exist peacefully in my body, happy with the way people see me in it, and sometimes I'll do something that feels extra masculine and grin about it for five minutes.

My species euphoria falls into the same sort of category - I feel content with my body, the way it matches how I feel internally, and the way other people treat me because of it. I feel fundamentally comfortable with my human body map and movements, having a flat face and hands and nails, walking upright on the soles of my feet. I feel comfortable when I'm acknowledged as a human and a person, when I do something that’s known to be human - when I wear different clothes to express myself and keep out the cold, when I cook a meal to eat with people, when I sing for the fun of it, when I write and draw to share something creative, when I interact with human technology and invention and creation. Humans have been making clothes and foods and songs and adding marks to the world for about as long as they've existed, and we're still doing it, and if I think about it too long I get emotional. I’m human and I feel deeply connected to humanity, and most of the time I don't think about it because I'm treated as one, but sometimes I’ll notice that I'm doing something that just feels fundamentally human, and it's really nice - sometimes species affirmation can be in the little things, like wearing a beat-up jacket or writing a personal essay.

On the flip side, there's identity dysphoria, the distress experienced when one's identity doesn't align with the way they present or find themselves perceived as. A trans woman might feel gender dysphoria because of her body hair; many cis women also feel less feminine if they don't shave. Species dysphoria is a well-known experience in the nonhuman community, the distress of being seen as human or having a human body when you don't identify as one. Given what I said earlier, hopefully it doesn't come as a shock that people can have the opposite experience - feeling distressed about being seen as nonhuman. I get this kind of species dysphoria.

It feels odd to talk about species dysphoria when I’m not nonhuman, but I still feel it. Mostly it comes up in the context of being in alterhuman spaces, being accidentally mislabeled as nonhuman through proximity to those who are, and I've also felt it in the context of playing around with visualizing myself as nonhuman in art. My body map doesn't have nonhuman features, parts like wings or tails or claws or pointy ears. Picturing myself like that feels wrong, it feels like sandpaper, like there’s this foreign thing attached to my body and I need to cut it off so I can stop this crawling sense of my body not being my own. I used to have an awful amount of gender dysphoria, and I feel like the two are very comparable experiences - the distress of feeling like your body doesn't match your mind. I got top surgery, so the gender dysphoria is gone, and thankfully my body is actually human, because I would be just as distressed about being seen as nonhuman as I was about being seen as a girl.

It’s kind of fascinating that I feel this way, that I can’t picture myself as nonhuman without feeling incredibly uncomfortable. On the other end of the spectrum, there's the entire furry fandom, a subculture of people - most of whom definitely identify as human beings - who regularly depict themselves as nonhuman animals for fun and self-expression. We’re all human, what gives? Do they have a more malleable sense of species identity than I do?

Maybe, maybe not. I don't have a straightforward answer to that - like I said, I can't read minds, and I'm just one person. But I do have a couple thoughts on the way humans interface with nonhumanity, on the topic of enjoying it.

See, I get dysphoric about being considered nonhuman, but I've found some loopholes in there. I’m completely fine with my fictional counterpart - the character getting tossed into different AUs for our personal enrichment - being turned into a vampire, a werewolf, a selkie, an android, a person with wings. How's that any different from other expressions of nonhumanity? Well, for me, those stories don't induce dysphoria because they're about humanity, at the end of the day - how people cope with being seen as or turned into monsters, the way they treat one another and the way they treat supposed outsiders, the ways society might change if humans were slightly different animals but still called themselves human. If I were a werewolf, I'd still be human, just one living with the consequences of also being a wolf. If I had wings in a world where all humans have wings, I'm still human in the context of that world. That baseline sense of humanity is what’s important to me.

In a similar vein, I can't stand seriously being seen as nonhuman - but pretending to be nonhuman? Roleplaying? Dressing up in a costume? I can do that. I feel like there’s something very human about being fascinated by the abilities and strengths of every animal that's not your own kind, and wanting them for yourself - the human desire to fly like a bird, swim like a fish, hunt like a wolf, run like a deer.

I think a lot of what people like about fursonas is this sort of wish fulfillment, of having the cool traits of all these fascinating animals, and having that animal self-portrait still being anthro - human - enough to relate to. It's animality through an anthropomorphic lens, through how fun it can be to play pretend and express yourself as a cool deer-wolf-lion hybrid. And usually, those animal choices are symbolic, and the fursona reflects the personality of the person who made it - more often than not, it reflects the cultural stereotypes of what that animal is, instead of being true to what the animal is like as a living organism. It's about the way humans see themselves in animals, not necessarily the way we are animals. So, ironically, being a furry tends to parse as a very human thing to me.

So far, most of this essay has been a comparison, since I see a lot of similarities between identifying as human and identifying as nonhuman. Putting my species into my list of self-identifiers, like how I'd list my name and pronouns, has cemented it as a crucial part of how I view myself and want to be seen. That's the same way a lot of nonhumans think about their species. I have a strong sense of species identity, it just so happens to align with being human. Contrasting the categories seems harder to me.

I could list a bunch of different nonhuman traits that I lack, but it would be on the same level as saying one kintype is different from another. I don't care about walking on all fours, and neither does Max as a raptor. I don't instinctively try to bite a threat, I’d rather kick it, and I know a horse would agree with me. I don't long for the sky and neither does Jude, they're a dog. I don't have a prey drive and neither does a hamster. I don't feel like a nonsapient animal, and neither does an elf.

When it comes down to just being a certain species, there’s not that much of a difference between identifying as a human and identifying as a dragon. There's a bunch of traits that feel correct, and a million others that don't feel right at all.

I could say that I don't understand feeling like I don't fit in my own body, but I do - I had gender dysphoria. I have species dysphoria. If one of my partners is having a phantom shift while co-fronting with me, I invariably end up either leaving front or nullifying their shifts, because I just don't feel comfortable if our combined body map is nonhuman. I don't have memories of being a different species than I am, having abilities that I don't have in my body now, but those aren’t necessary to be nonhuman in the first place.

Do I need to find a contrast that makes sense? Does there need to be some fundamental difference between human and nonhuman identity?

I don't think so. It's all identity, at the end of the day.

[seat-safety-switch]

It’s funny what you remember from childhood. A perfect spring day. A trip to the zoo. A thoughtful gift from a loved one. Me? Oh, just the usual: I’m dogged, every waking hour, by images of the old parking garage at the mall.

Now, I should do some qualification for all this. I didn’t actually like going to the mall (unless it was to buy toy cars; the satisfaction was short-lived, however, because they always looked suspiciously new and shiny once the package was opened.) What I enjoyed was the experience of being pulled off the street, into a building that you could drive through. The steeply angled ramps, which they’d try their best to de-ice in the winter. The flickering pillars. The beautiful red canopy on the top storey. The awkwardly long hallway to and from the mall that felt like a trip on its own.

Those of you who are too young to remember malls may now be horrified at how a place of capitalist worship has burned itself permanently into my memory. This is understandable: studies have shown that kids raised on the internet now identify most closely with abstract geometric solids and specific kinds of wait cursor. I hope you really have fond memories that fill you with joy of “flickering purple square” in 20 years. I cannot, for the life of me, remember anything about the interior of the mall. If I strain really hard, I can imagine the awkward chairs at the food court. That’s it. The parking garage is where it began and ended for me as an impressionable youth.

Nowadays, I can’t resist a good parking garage. Unfortunately, a lot of them charge a lot of cash to enter, or at least to leave. This is because the operators of these garages are solely in “the parking business.” They’re not interested in why you’re there, they just want to trap your car in money jail. As a result, I rarely get to do full-throttle rips around spiral ramps anymore, unless I’m volunteering for court-ordered community service, escorting the elderly or otherwise un-car-able around town. That childhood parking garage has long since been destroyed, but it lives on in my memory and probably that of like four other freaks, who are also a menace to society.

[prototypesteve]

To celebrate Ace Week, October 20 – 26, 2024, here's the Asexuality 101 post I shared with coworkers, this year.

Feel free to share it with other folks who you’ve had to explain Asexuality to, from scratch. Again: it’s just the basics.

Statistically, with around 1% of the population identifying as it, most of the people reading this article aren’t asexual, and they probably don’t know anyone who identifies as asexual, and if they do, they probably don’t know them closely enough to know anything about their sexuality—especially if it’s somehow defined by there being… less of it… or is it none of it? It’s all kind of confusing.

So, what’s there for you to be ‘aware’ of on Ace Week? Lots. Maybe even everything.

A sky full of more than just stars.

This (above) is a picture of the night sky over Alberta at around 9 PM, this Wednesday, October 23rd, 2024. It’s probably nothing like the night sky you've seen before, because it’s how the sky looks when seen through the microwave spectrum.

You’re used to seeing a sky that looks like this (above). This is the same bit of sky, as it appears in our “regular” spectrum of visible light. But notice how the microwave view of the sky reveals an entirely different sky, where nearby space is suddenly far more hectic, complicated, and full. It’s a sky full of things your ordinary eyes can’t see or measure. That’s what happens when you look at the exact same thing through a different lens¹.

Most of us understand sexuality along a spectrum of who, or which. Who are you sexually attracted to? Which genders are you attracted to? One, any, all? Asexuality looks at the same world, but measures things differently, instead of who or which, it asks how much, or when. How much sexual attraction people are capable of experiencing, and in many cases, where, how, or when that attraction can be experienced.

Asexuality is a bit more complex than just, “people who don’t feel any sexual attraction.” Some asexuals fit that definition, but they’re the very-visible minority. Just like the microwave-view of the sky wasn’t solid glowing purple, asexuality manifests in a variety of forms. The less-visible majority² of people the asexual spectrum are sometimes labelled as demisexual: people who experience limited or very selective primary sexual attraction, usually based on an emotional bond.

Asexuality isn’t a broken or underdeveloped expression of cisgendered heterosexuality. Asexuality lines up and coexists with the who-or-which so-called “regular” sexual spectrum. There are gay asexual people, bi demisexual people, asexual or demisexual lesbians, transgender demi people, and hetero-oriented aces. (Notice how in the microwave image of the sky, the same stars are still there, and the Milky Way is where it was.) This is why you might hear about the many micro-labels within the asexual community, as people develop ways to quickly communicate how they inhabit their place along the asexual spectrum.

“Back up a bit, primary sexual attraction?”

Wikipedia defines primary sexual attraction as “the type of attraction that is based on immediately observable characteristics such as appearance or smell, and is experienced immediately after a first encounter.” People on the asexual spectrum experience little to none of this, and people who identify as demisexual often explain the attraction they feel as being above primary sexual attraction. It’s complicated, and more than we can cover in a single post. What’s important to know is that asexuality is a big, big topic because it covers as much ground as the allosexual spectrum you’re used to.

“Hold on, Allosexual?”

Asexual people (asexuals, aces, etc.) have our own jargon, because of course we do. One of those words is allosexual. From the greek word állos, which sometimes translates to “other”. Allosexual or others-sexual. People who are attracted to other people. It’s shorter than saying, “people who aren’t asexual,” and politer than the other words we might use to describe you.

So, what now?

Probably nothing. As exciting as it is to know there’s a whole other spectrum out there (and spoiler, there are many spectra, there’s also a romantic-attraction spectrum) the reality is, it’s small. In the few surveys that have been conducted, it seems as though only about 1% of the population identify as asexual in any way. (There are probably a few more of us, living with identities we were assigned by the world we grew up in.) For the time being, this may just be a neat-to-know thing, and a prompt to go visit your local observatory, to see a microwave telescope.

But for a few of you, it might be the beginning of a journey of self-discovery. You may have learned a few important new words here, or found a new way of seeing things that explains why you are the way you are, or why someone you care about is the way they are. If so, please be gentle. Asexuality is a large topic being explored and lived by a small community, most of whom are still in the middle of figuring out what this all means for us.

One of the safest places to start is Angela Chen’s gracefully-written book, Ace: What Asexuality Reveals about Desire, Society, and the Meaning of Sex. Written by a journalist, it gets into self-discovery, implications for partners, the medicalization of asexuality & the ways people try to “cure” us, and it even gets into the complexities of being asexual inside of a cultural context that might not leave room for asexuality.

From there, have look around the oldest Asexual community, the Asexual Visibility and Education Network, AVEN, or carefully look through your social networks’ asexual or asexuality tags (1% scales up well in a large community, but always remember you're on social media).

You’re not alone, you’re not “broken”, you’re not “delayed”, you’re not heartless. You’re part of a sky full of more than just stars.

Footnotes:

¹ Yeah, yeah, technically, microwave and visible light aren’t separate spectra, they're just different subsections of the bigger electromagnetic spectrum, and space is full of stuff that emits energy all across the full electromagnetic spectrum all at once. Sort of like how we're all a little bit of everything on the entire spectrum of human-expression, just in different proportions. But wow, if you thought this was already a convoluted post, can you imagine what a post that used that model would have looked like? So, let’s all agree to stick with the more casual way of describing electromagnetism. All least until after Ace Week, so we don’t wreck the mood.

² Demisexuals and other variants of asexuality are underrepresented for a number of reasons: it can be too complicated to talk about, it can be exhausting to defend your place on the spectrum, or you might not even see yourself as demisexual because your relationship feels “ordinary enough”. This is why we have Ace Week. It's an opportunity to let people know there are other words to explain how they feel, or how they express their complicated sexuality.

About the Author:

I was 12 when I realized I didn’t prioritize the same things my friends did. They were starting to explore crushes and boyfriends and girlfriends, while I was getting into graphic design. (1983.)

I was 21 when I realized I was “behind schedule” getting into “the dating thing.” Even back then, I thought of it in abstract terms like ‘dating’ or ‘being in a relationship’, I didn't personify it in any way, using words like ‘meeting a girlfriend’, or ‘becoming a boyfriend’. (1992.)

I was 37 when I realized there was clearly something off about me, and accepted that—for whatever reason—I didn't do relationships, and I decided to just focus on my career, and hobbies, and and and. (Late 2008.)

I was 51 when I learned there were words for what I was: Asexual and Aromantic. (2022.)

I was 52 when I started coming out as AroAce (2023).

[spectralarchers]

COPENHAGEN, Denmark (March 8th 2023) — Scandinavian scientists said Wednesday that they have identified the oldest-known inscription referencing the Norse god Odin on part of a gold disc unearthed in western Denmark in 2020.

Lisbeth Imer, a runologist with the National Museum in Copenhagen, said the inscription represented the first solid evidence of Odin being worshipped as early as the 5th century, or at least 150 years earlier than the previous oldest known reference — on a brooch found in southern Germany and dated to the second half of the 6th century.

The disc discovered in Denmark was part of a trove containing about a kilogram (2.2 pounds) of gold, including large medallions the size of saucers and Roman coins made into jewelry. It was unearthed in the village of Vindelev, central Jutland, and dubbed the Vindelev Hoard.

Experts think the cache was buried 1,500 years ago, either to hide it from enemies or as a tribute to appease the gods. A golden bracteate, a kind of thin, ornamental pendant, which carried an inscription that read, “He is Odin’s man,” likely referring to an unknown king or overlord.

“It’s one of the best executed runic inscriptions that I have ever seen,” Imer said. Runes are symbols that early tribes in northern Europe used to communicate in writing.

Odin was one of the main gods in Norse mythology and was frequently associated with war as well as poetry.

More than 1,000 bracteates have been found in northern Europe, according to the National Museum in Copenhagen, where the trove discovered in 2020 is on display.

Krister Vasshus, an ancient language specialist, said that because runic inscriptions are rare, “every runic inscription (is) vital to how we understand the past.”

“When an inscription of this length appears, that in itself is amazing,” Vasshus said. “It gives us some quite interesting information about religion in the past, which also tells us something about society in the past.”

During the Viking Age, considered to be from 793 to 1066, Norsemen known as Vikings undertook large-scale raiding, colonizing, conquest and trading throughout Europe. They also reached North America.

The Norsemen worshipped many gods and each of them had various characteristics, weaknesses and attributes. Based on sagas and some rune stones, details have emerged that the gods possessed many human traits and could behave like humans.

“That kind of mythology can take us further and have us reinvestigate all the other 200 bracteate inscriptions that we know,” Imer said.

[farmerlesbian]

this might sound weird, and honestly I'm only asking to see if anyone else feels this way, but is like... butch imposter syndrome a thing? like I identify as a butch but I'm always worried I'm not like... butch enough if that makes sense.

i think this is an interesting application of the pop psychology term "imposter syndrome" tbh - rooted in the idea that Butch is an achievement and something one can fail at or be a faker/imposter, in the way that (so-called) high-achieving workers/professionals doubt their intellect, skills, or accomplishments. i just don't think this is really a helpful application of the concept but i will answer regarding your concerns and worries!

i personally don't believe butchness is something that one achieves or like aspires to but instead is something that one IS (but that's just my view ! i know not everyone sees it that way and that's fine, it's interesting. we don't all have to have the same conceptualization or worldview about things). i think there are many types of butches, not just one. i think that some people are butch no matter what they do, they cannot help but be butch. and other people can see it in them and treat them differently for it throughout their life, for better or worse, and whether they have the language for it or not. while for other butch people, they are butch for a time, but later find themselves to be something else and they stop being butch (or vice versa, they are something else and later come to find themself becoming butch). again, i don't think there is one true butch or way to be butch. there are LOTS.

i do believe that this sort of experience that it seems like you're describing - being worried about not being butch enough, questioning whether one is 'truly' the identity/label that one currently knows themself as - is not uncommon. i certainly see folks talking about experiencing this not infrequently! i see similar questions asked all the time. you're certainly not alone.

our advice would be to talk to other dykes that you know about how you're feeling and some of your thoughts, get their take. that can help a lot. spend time with other dykes of all kinds. also, as always, focus on the Doing and not the Labeling. the power of a good haircut that makes you feel like hot shit can't be understated. finding some dope leather boots or a pair of pants that finally fits and makes your ass look so good! flirting with a cutie!

some questions to consider, ask yourself, think about that might help you: where is this worry/fear/concern coming from? what makes you worry you’re not butch enough? what is “butch enough” to you? what does it look like? who are some people that you know are definitely butch? what are they like? how does someone who is “butch enough” carry themselves, act, dress? is that concept or ideal something you agree with and believe in? is it something you enjoy being and doing? is it something that you want to be? are you dissatisfied with how you look or what you do right now? how do you wish you were? are you afraid of criticism or seeking approval? from whom? do you value their opinion, does what they think matter to you? are you afraid of not receiving attention, of other people not being attracted to you, not being valued as part of your community if you aren’t a butch or butch enough? have you applied a label and identity to yourself and then tried to live up to it, or have you lived as yourself, seeking confidence and resonance and after that, then used a word to describe yourself?

there are no right or wrong or bad or good answers. just think about these things and evaluate how you feel. it will hopefully help you find some answers and clarity and determine where to go from here.

just remember that you're cool no matter what you are. if you become solid and confident and rooted in your butchness that's dope! or if you come to understand yourself in some other way that's dope!

[yelena-bellova]

I actually think it's quite clear why they're having Francesca fall in love with Michaela right away and also why her story was the one they chose. At first, I didn't understand it that much as, from my understanding, the book centered on the themes of guilt and grief. But after reading some interviews from the show-runners, it's clear they feel the primary focus of the novel was on Francesca feeling "different" - which in retrospect is highly emphasized in the show, and is how we get to her being a lesbian (they're not going to make her bisexual, I'lll get to that). It's not how I view the story, but I'm not going to criticize someone for experiencing media differently than me.

Anyways, why does she fall in love right away? One, I'm going to be frank, main stream audiences cannot handle a truly bisexual lead. Parts of the internet would lose their shit if a woman who ends up with a woman had actual genuine feelings for a man while the other part of the internet would lose their shit that a woman who loved a man fell in love with a woman. Both sides would, ironically, agree she was just a lesbian all along so there's no point in trying to make her not one.

Secondly, I think romance in general - and particularly Bridgerton - doesn't usually focus on the idea of multiple loves that are of equal value. The genre is geared towards finding your one great love (and that's great! I love it! It's romantic and sweet, and I don't need my bodice-ripper novels to try to tackle real life romance). This is also emphasized in the show, where Violet was clearly feeling like Francesca was settling, hinting that her real love won't be with John. And in TV and film, this is 100% exasperated by shipping - audiences become extremely attached to a main couple, so killing them off will cause chaos. It just makes sense within this context to remove any romantic love from John as, from the perspective of the genre, that devalues the love between Francesca and Micheal/Michaela.

And what is the easiest way to remove romantic love between John and Francesca while keeping John a sympathetic and loving character?

All this to say, Francesca will NEVER love John, not romantically. And that makes her set up perfect for her to be a lesbian. If she never loved John, then his death can be sad, but ultimately not cause any actual conflict for the neat and tidy 8 episode arc of her season. It gives the audience the chance to say "wow, so sad she lost her husband, who she was clearly friends with, but also it's not that sad because now she'll ACTUALLY fall in love for real this time."

From a plot perspective, without any novel attachment, it's actually pretty solid and hits the tropes I would expect a queer romance to hit if it needed to exist within the Bridgerton verse. Dare I say, it's frankly even rather cliché?

So again, I disagree with a lot of this but I’m still going to share it because whoever this is didn’t come from a place of hate.

1: I’ve read the interviews with Jess Brownell about deciding to change Francesca’s story because she herself identified with the “different” aspect being a queer woman. Setting aside all sexual/gender politics, that’s a key mistake a lot of writers make. When writing for a show like this it’s good to make it personal, but not self-service. To morph an entire storyline to fit what you took from the book, even if few others did, is a bad writing choice.

2: I do agree that the world has no idea what to with bisexuality. I see more hate for bisexuals than nearly any other subsection of the LGBTQ community. I do think, however, that the Bridgerton fanbase is a bit more accepting. I’ve seen a lot of issue be taken with Benedict’s storyline this season but not because he’s bi/pan, but because of the shoddy editing and writing for his scenes.

3: “Bodice ripping novels” gave me a good laugh 😂😂

4: The change of Francesca’s potential lack of romantic feelings for John is probably my biggest issue with the whole situation. It truly feels like an unnecessary change. Even in going forward with setting up Francesca and Michaela for happily ever after, they could have saved Francesca developing feelings until after John had passed. Enough book readers would have been talking online about who Michaela was and who she becomes to Francesca that people would have known. In my eyes, there truly was no reason to eliminate that part of the story.

[sexisdisgusting]

Soz idk where else to say this so I’m saying it to you: I just realized, I think the reason TRAs in particular are so dismissive of feminism and oppressive sexism, instead only focusing on choice feminism, is bc if we actually acknowledged how oppressed females are, then they’d be forced to realize how fucked up it is to “identify” as us.

Example: They know transracial is bad, they know it’s bad to identify as a race you aren’t, because you can’t identify into a marginalized group like that when you’re not part of it! Obviously!

But if that’s true, what about women? Sexism is just as bad as racism, just as systemic and violent. Why is it ok for the oppressor group to not only identify as a marginalized sex group they’re not a part of, but then go on to speak over said marginalized group and destroy their spaces and wish death and rape on them for being upset by their oppressors “identifying” as them? Racial dysphoria is a thing too, I know people who have racial dysphoria, yet they know clearly that it’s offensive to “transition” into a group they don’t belong to, they work through their dysphoria in other ways instead.

so what’s the difference? Like really? What is the difference? The answer is there isn’t one. No one can think of a solid reason why one is ok and the other isn’t. Race and gender are both social constructs, but are based on biological and genetic traits. Race and gender both come with inherent trauma, including generational trauma. Race and gender both have history and family ties attached to them. Both are connected to lineage. What’s the difference?!

since no one can answer this, libfems will either get completely stuck and just ignore it, or they will end up at one of 2 stops. Those being that either “transracial” is valid, or that women aren’t really THAT oppressed. Usually these yt folk know better than to go for the former, so that leaves the latter. The reality of systemic sex based oppression defeats their entire ideology. I should know, I’m 20, I was trans identified for 10 years, grew up in the community, and just thinking about this critically for 3 fucking seconds made me do a complete 180 in a week. A. Week.

(I’m poc though, I get yt trans don’t really gaf bout us unless we’re useful as o mystical kweer savages who had 3000 genders. For those of you who don’t understand racism, think about transabled or something like dat. It’s not quite the same, but you get it. Disability is really just a social construct assigned to a real phenomena! Now imagine a group of “transautistic” people getting an autism support centre defunded, spraypainting “kill all trans-autistic exclusionary disabled rights activists” on the windows, and nailing dead rats to the doors, because they weren’t assisting “trans-autistic” people. You get it?)

Leaving yall on this. If you support dylan mulvaney then u should also support oli london, because they’re the same.

my fucking god anonita

you neednt EVER apologize for blessing my askbox like this holy shit

i dont think i have anything to add except that you are so fucking right, you summed it up PERFECTLY

i started reading this ask while laying down and found myself sitting up by the end of it

im so happy knowing an intelligent woman like you is following me, and im so fucking proud of you

[ask-afoxesshadow]

you know what an ask blog is, why else are you here.

I wont be starting with character fluff, ill put that at the end, so read it if you want a visual understanding of who your talking to and how they will talking.

Warnings

I am an adult [by definition], and since i have little knowledge on who is on the other side of the screen, this space will be treated as an adult area. Posts are subject to include the following:

Suggestive descriptions and intimate innuendos

Descriptions of violent acts or bloodshed

Blunt and brutal honesty, because patience and kindness is a resource i spend at my discretion

Scariest of all, many posts will contain the horror that is "roleplay"

Excessive sarcasm

"Rules"

Asks that are directly sexual in any form will be ignored, so don't even bother

Generally speaking, if you are blatantly disrespectful to any particular group of people, you will be ignored at best, blocked at worst. 2.5: This does mean this blog is a safe place for any and all of the lgbtq community no don't make me type the whole acronym, i don't know what it is.

There is a negative chance you will be successful in shipping the shadow with someone, please take your attempts somewhere else

"Rules" will be added and changed at mod discretion, if and when i see fit.

Notes

The person who runs this blog, me, has almost no idea how to properly format tumblr posts, neither do i care to learn, so everything will be done on a whim

Additionally I have a total of 0 (zero) art skills, so the only picture that will be shown, unless someone else with free time and an interest in this character and decides to make art [which would be awesome], is the picture used as the blogs icon, the mask seen in which is from here.

All of this is done for fun and to entertain the person behind the screen, do note take anything here too seriously, because i sure am not

I have decided to go by "Tome" as how you talk to the mod directly. Why? Because like a tome, I have an ungodly amount of knowledge regarding what is happening in this group of ask blogs, so it felt fitting

Character/roleplay information

The shadow will speak with basic text, while occasionally having changes to their text to show things such as emphasis, or acts such as whispering/speaking under their breath, and to indirectly refer to another person through the use of color and emboldening.

-The shadows actions are depicted through use of text surrounded by hyphens, shown here-

[Mod talk, from I, Tome, is contained within square brackets]

(Context, narration, and important notices are contained within parenthesis)

{Rarely, the curly brackets will be used if mod to character interactions happen}

Reoccurring characters will eventually be listed within this post, when i feel like being less of a side character, please treat their mods with respect.

The "residence" of the shadow is a royal mess of enchantments, letting them have easy access to any part of the lands of the old faith, alternate reality or not.

Character description

The shadow is a creature who's form is crafted from a pitch black substance that seems to hover around the sublimation point, often times acting more akin to a gas than a solid, seemingly at the will of the shadow itself.

Standing around 6'1", they have no obvious gender, with all features being vague and hard to identify, or exceptionally androgynous, additionally having a pair of pointed canid ears sprouting from the top of their head, and several large fox tails trailing out behind them. [For visual aid, think any media depiction of a nine tailed kitsune.]

Their attire is made mostly of muted colors and dark tones, similarly to their shadowed form. Covering their face, they don a handcrafted mask made to resemble a red fox, despite their other canid features suggesting them to be one. Their upper body is covered by a large and baggy grey shirt with torn hems, a deep blue cloak further covering their form, with a light grey scruff, held in place by a broach depicting a red flower with five petals, white semi circles between the petals of the flower, all encircled by a ring of gold. their arms seem to have a bright red string wrapped around them, looking very out of place among the rest of their muted clothes. The attire for their lower body is rough and simple, consisting of a pair of baggy red pants, with several roughly sewn patches made from fabrics of various materials and colors, and a simple pair of black boots.

Final notes

This character exists for the soul purpose of interacting with ask blogs revolving around the game "cult of the lamb" [but if your here you probably already knew that], so while some of the statements of the character might break the fourth wall in the context of the game, that wall has already been removed by the other blogs, so i care not about its existence

The flower depicted on the brooch is not a Camellia, neither is the character a follower of any of the bishops.

The tag "Pages turn" will be used when an ask is responded too by the mod alone, if you wish to see what I, and I alone, have to say, use that tag.

[freakzofnurture]

Thinking about the headcanon that Della and Donald are both trans and they took each others names as kids.

I’d like to imagine it started as pretending to be each other when they were really young. Like, “let’s swap places today” because they’re twins. And they can.

Something about being seen as the opposite gender had them confused and yet excited. For kids, they don’t tend to overcomplicate stuff like gender, and so they probably just thought “it feels better to be a boy/girl, so I should be one”

At first, people thought it was just some funny play pretend thing that the twins would get over in a week, but they persisted with it.

I think that Della would be much more adamant about the name swap. If anybody called either of them the wrong name, she would be quick to correct them. Donald would probably shrug it off and act like it didn’t bother him, even if it did.

After awhile, people started to just accept it. Since the two seemed like they really liked it, why not just allow them this? It’s not hurting anyone, and it makes them happy. That was what mattered.

As they grew up, they found it quite easy to simply excuse the names on their records as “a mistake”, since “that’s my bother’s name.” — or they would tell people that their birth certificates got mixed up in the hospital.

It was almost like some kind of long running joke the two had. Yet at the end of the day, it went much deeper than humour. They felt so much more comfortable and confident in themselves after changing genders.

Everyone realized this fact too. Clearly it is much more than a silly scheme done by mischievous children. Clearly they genuinely feel good with this change. And certainly, as the two would come to know later on, there is a term for feeling this way. Not only that, but a community too.

Nearing adulthood, the two understand their identities far more than they could ever as children.

Della sees herself as a transfem nonbinary person. Mostly, she’s chill with her gender. It doesn’t really matter to her what she’s seen as, as long as it’s not a man. She would be fine with lots of different pronouns, but mostly uses she/they.

Donald would be a lot more strict with what he wants to be seen as. I can imagine him identifying as purely trans male with he/him pronouns. To him, if there’s not a solid identity to cling onto, it will make him feel like he’s nothing. Which, to Della, would be okay. But to Donald… he can’t.

Of course this leaves plenty of plot holes, such as how Della could have had the kids, but hey. I’m not a magician. This is a silly headcanon for my own enjoyment! Sit down and eat my trans autistic twin propaganda and LIKE IT!

[dhmis-autism]

I agree with u too,, I think leaving the book and the meaning of the show itself ambiguous is what makes it so special,,

why conceal a story into a tiny box when there are hundreds of possibilities available all at once? It’s an endless sandbox and I think it’s super fun to play around with :]

Many theories are still coming out to this day! And I think that’s neat :3c

I do understand the desire to understand the meaning of the show though! There’s still a part of me that would love to know the meaning behind everything just to satisfy my curiosity, but I ultimately enjoy not having to worry about canon, because technically there is no canon if that makes sense

everything is wrong and right at the same time

HAH I mean from a writing/storytelling standpoint I actually do love the meaning of the show being ambiguous, having no real solid identifiable plot! I think it sort of helps put the audience in the characters shoes, where they're in this sort of half-aware dream state, where something is clearly SO wrong but they can't articulate it whatsoever. They all know it on some level. And by giving us nothing, BB&J (becky, baker n joe) effectively put us in that same spot! I think it's really, genuinely clever writing. When the characters are surprised by sudden changes in scenery and environment or even just camera cuts, so are we! When they get thrown off when a song is cut off or interrupted, so are we! I think it's sort of because we don't expect characters in a show to react to the environment/scenarios like that! It's a fun playing with expectations that really works to the shows benefit, especially on a surrealist level!

I can't agree on the last bit tho lol- I personally have NO desire to learn about the setting of the show or meaning in any way whatsoever. My main point of interest in it is the character dynamics/characters! And the rest of the stuff is like stuffing to me. Like I'm almost not even really interested in Lesley just because of how we know more of her as a narrative device and very little about her as a character. To me, the weird setting and abnormal horror of the world they live in is just my avenue to seeing my 3 little fucked up guys brains work for 2 hours straight and seeing them totally mess up basic communication!! LOL

^^^^ WHAT WATCHING THE SHOW FEELS LIKE FOR ME

[drdemonprince]

Hey newly-realized Autistic here.

I’m trying to find an Autistic therapist!

Which is hella hard. There are tons of Allistic people that know about Autism and want to help me, but the communication differences alone would be too much to actually delve into the issues I need help with. I’ve been seeing Allistic therapists for yearsss, long before I realized I was Autistic. And it doesn’t work very well! But most places like TherapyDen don’t have a good way to search for stuff like that, just Allistic people with training in Autism. Any ideas??

You may have seen a post I made a week or two back about how difficult it is for a therapist to be openly Autistic. The systematic discrimination against Autistic people in mental health is why you’re having a hard time finding a good provider right now. Very few Autistic people get to be therapists under our current system, and nearly all those who do exist cannot safely be “out”. 

Autistic people and people who are open about having mental illnesses and disabilities are pervasively excluded from psychology and psychiatry, because those fields dehumanize us as part of how they function. what that means is that while there are a growing percentage of great Autistic therapists out there, they are very hard to find. Doing a search for an out Autistic therapist usually will not work, because most of them have to be closeted in order to have a career and maintain licensure. 

This also means some of the allistic therapists you might have looked past right now are actually Autistic themselves, but not free to openly identify as such.

In order to vet a potential therapist and find one that is Autism-competent, you will have to ask more specific and measured questions, rather than just filtering for an Autistic practitioner. I think more therapy patients should get in the habit of grilling their potential providers in general. How comfortable a therapist is answering questions and explaining their process can be quite telling about their relationship to authority and their respect for patient self-advocacy in general. 

When you are first emailing with a therapist or inquiring about future appointments on the phone, ask them questions like this:

Do you have experience working with adult Autistic patients?

What, in your view, are some of the biggest struggles that Autistic patients typically face? (if they mention external and systemic factors like ableism or capitalism, these are good signs -- if they mention inherent deficits that Autistics supposedly have, not so much)

Have you worked with masked Autistic patients before, and what is your understanding of what masking is and what unique therapeutic challenges it presents?

What are some of the unique struggles, in your experience, that queer Autistic patients face? What about Autistic people of color? Or Autistic women?

Are you familiar with the concept of neurodiversity, and how does it inform your therapeutic practice?

What are some ways that non-Autistic therapists commonly fail their Autistic patients, and what are some steps you’ve taken to avoid doing that kind of harm? 

Every therapist has limitations, blindspots, and areas where they should continue growing their knowledge. Where do you think you still have room to grow? 

A good therapist will have answers to all of these questions and won't be defensive about being asked them. If a provider is well equipped to address questions like these, the odds are good that they are in some way neurodivergent themselves and have done the inner work necessary to be a solid provider to their ND patients. Being an Autistic therapist, after all, is not enough. Identity does not absolve someone from having absorbed a lot of damaging societal shit -- and ableism is baked into how all therapists are trained. So honestly I'd recommend asking questions like these even if you did know for a fact that a provider was Autistic. And since you usually won't get to know that, these questions will get to the heart of the issue a bit indirectly.

I would love it if anyone else who has found an Autism-competent therapist would share any questions they used to vet potential providers in the replies.

[farmerlesbian]

Sorry if this is a bit controversial or the wrong blog, but I just need to vent a bit. As a butch who's never dated/had sex, it's really disheartening to feel like so much of how people view someone as being butch or butch identities in general in relation to other people. Dating and doting on a femme. Giving pleasure effortlessly in sex. Constantly helping out with physical tasks. It's really frustrating. It's hard for me to explain, but my journey as a butch and discovering what I want out of my butch identity is for ME. I get it- I believe in centering compassion as a part of my masculinity. But that's not just for dating partners: it's for my friends, family, and strangers, and for ME. It's just frustrating for me to feel like posts that try to affirm butches end up coming back around to what butches can do for other people. It's extra heartbreaking because I'm butch4butch, not butch4femme. I love femmes as friends and community members, don't get me wrong, but I feel like so many posts just reinforce this "ideal" of a butch for other people rather than what we're actually like. I don't want to say all femmes are like this or even maliciously post like this, it's just a generalization of what I've seen in sfw/nsfw circles. I dunno, maybe I'm not getting at it right. I just don't feel like my being butch relies on who I'm dating, or how I'm having sex, or what I do for other people. It centers around how I express myself and how I express masculinity. Yes, that includes compassion, helping others, kindness, and being connected with my community. But that's because that's what I want to include in my masculinity, not because being butch requires some kind of service to other people. I just feel like there's some pressure to perform my gender a certain way, when I identify as butch because I rejected pressure to perform my gender a specific way.

i think everything youve said here makes a lot of sense to me and i understand. what youre feeling is very understandable and you are . for lack of an alternative word. valid for feeling uncomfortable!

i think this arises because people make posts (or talk about things) in a way seeking like.. broad relatability. people want to make it apply to all butches. so then we get posts that are vague and just these common denominators. what someone appreciates in YOU dearest anon, is going to be unique to you.

here i can show you the difference. I'll talk about my wife - I love the confidence and swagger she carries when she moves in the public world, the charisma she holds and the way people are drawn to her without her even trying. I love the quiet confidence and her ability to not over-speak in the way that I do haha! I often describe her as a "woman of few words". Her passion for her hobbies, and the care and attention she has for her interests - her plants, her fish and fishtanks, her dog, her bowling, her new career in carpentry, her bikes. I love the shape of her body and the solidity of her arm when i hold it, i love resting her head in my lap in the evening after we watch a tv show or something and i massage the stress out of her head and her body relaxes and she falls asleep cradled on my chest. i love the way she smiles at me over a plate of food she has cooked for us. i love the way her body feels in my hands when i touch her. i love the tattoos covering her arms and the way they ripple over her muscles as she reaches to grab something. i love her big giant mirror-lens sunglasses that nobody can see her eyes through. i love giving her fun dangly earrings as gifts over the years and the joy she has when matching them to her outfits. i love the intentionality she has in what she wears, how she styles herself each morning, and the care she has for her leather boots. i love the sweetness and cute moments we share when we are home with our animals, the soft inside she has under her tough shell, which she shares with me. i love wearing our sparklies together and i love going through our gender journeys together. i love the way she holds me accountable and expects me to be a better person, and we work to demand better from ourselves and each other ever day. all these things and so many more!

see i can't make this a relatable post because it's about one specific person! so what someone is going to appreciate about you, or things your friends and family already do love about you, are going to be unique to you too. they're not gonna be a relatable and generic post and tens of thousands of other people are going to also relate to. butches/mascs/studs are so much more than only the things yall can do for your people. you are appreciated and loved in your own right.

i hope that this makes sense

hang in there 🧡

send asks / #ask farmer lesbian

[gamesception]

Sception Reads Cass Cain #19

Batgirl (2000) Annual #1 Writer: Scott Peterson Pencils: Mike Deodato

The Main Batgirl solo is again left at a cliffhanger mid-arc while we look at a side issue. Maybe I should have done episodes 4-6 back to back, out of chronological order? But I've had a lot to say about issues 4 and 5, so the little breaks looking at side issues I don't have as much to say about has been a nice change of pace to buy breathing room. This time we're meeting a character named Aruna? I don't think I remember her at all. These sorts of annuals are sometimes used to have a popular established character help launch a new IP that will continue in another book. If that's what was happening here, then it's a nice show of confidence in Cass from editorial. And we've got Scott Peterson writing, so that's good, but we've seen Deodato draw Cass once before, and it, uh...

Oh.

Oh, no.

...

Honestly, it's not all that bad. Most of it's fine. Much better than the last time he was drawing Cass. There are even some panels of Cass that I really like, like this one:

But man, those first couple pages are rough.

Anyway, yeah, while this is a 'Batgirl Annual', it exists to introduce Aruna Shende, as part of a 'DC World' thing going on at the time introducing some new international heroes and I guess seeing who sticks. Aruna is a shapeshifter with a stunt person/special effects artist alter-ego working in the Bollywood film industry while investigating the disappearance of her parents when she was a child. Bruce & Cass bump into Aruna while looking into the kidnapping of the lead actor in a film she was working on and they have a little adventure together. Aftter that there's an extended character backstory segment just for Aruna with no bats at all.

It's pretty solid. I like how Cass is able to identify Aruna when she's using her abilities to disguise herself. This is still silent Cass, but she's fairly active and expressive in the part of the issue where she's present.

As for Aruna, she's an interesting character, with a solid backstory, and its honestly a shame DC never really did anything with her after that.

There is one bit that stuck out to me though relating Aruna's story to Cass...

After her parents were taken by mysterious suited agents, Aruna was left as an orphan, living on her own on the street, forced basically to grow up that way while also growing into her powers and using them to take care of herself.

Which is very similar to how Cass lived on her own after running away from David at age 8, basically until she met Barbara during No Mans Land when she was like 16 or 17. During that entire time Cass survived on the streets, on her own, without even the ability to speak, relying on her abilities to survive.

That's a part of her life that, as far as I can remember, the old continuity never really explored outside of this one flashback with Mr. Merc from issue 1. What was life like for her? Did she form connections with anyone? She's seen the world from this abject state of poverty, seen people around her desperate to survive, presumably saw people supporting each other and tearing each other down... she was living on the streets at least as long as she was living with David Cain, it should be a big part of her world view, so much formative stuff should have happened during that period. Really meeting and spending time with people other than her father for the first time. her first crush, probably. realizing how different she was, and what her father's training had really cost her in terms of the ability to communicate and connect with other people. How does growing up in abject poverty color what she thinks about her fabulously wealthy life when she is eventually invited into the Wayne household?

And not something modern writers can really go back and fill in, since, from my limited understanding, in the reboot continuity she goes pretty much straight from assassin life to bat life without this in between period.

[robcognitivepersonality]

The Mastermind & the Healer

How I get along with INFPs as an INTJ

The MBTI community thinks of you as somebody who gets lost in the clouds staring at the sky. “One might say they see life through rose-colored glasses. It’s as though they live at the edge of a looking-glass world where mundane objects come to life, where flora and fauna take on near-human qualities.” I guess you’re supposed to be prancing around leaving a trail of daisies and glitter as well. They call you the Dreamer. Yet INFPs are the realest people I’ve had the privilege to know. I mean that quite literally. Out of all the types, you most conscientiously stare in the face of reality. Rather than naïvely seeing the good in the world, they wonder if the whole world is in on a big joke. Innocence is not the move. Irony is. So is sarcasm, wisdom, self-honesty, and oftentimes stoicism.

The reality is we’re all bags of wave-particles who have seemingly inherited this universe. Random sequences of events turn into powerful experiences that define our existence. To which we eventually die and fade out as forgotten memories. And that’s what makes us us before we identify with our societal roles, our upbringings, our beliefs, our names, and whatever other constructs we’ve programmed onto ourselves. With Extraverted Thinking-Extraverted Intuition, INFPs realize how circumstantial these constructs are. We’ve made them up. They’re not real, but we adhere to them to keep society going.

That’s not a dream seen through rose-colored glasses, far from it. Your cognitive functions red-pilled you in seeing we’re all NPCs living in a simulated reality. We’re all equipped with hallucinating devices as brains. Color isn’t real, it’s a wavelength reflected into our retinas. I saw white and gold. Sound isn’t real, it’s air pressure crashing into our eardrums. I still hear Yanny. Solid objects aren’t real, they’re clusters of atoms that’s mostly empty space. Touch isn’t real, we’re all floating and hovering against electron clouds.

Time isn’t real, but it makes us hurry. Money isn’t real either, but it wills us to hustle. We as products of our environments adopt identities that come with instructions for how to fit in and succeed, sometimes they come with a customizable set that allows you to be more Yourself™. There’s even a rebellious version. We’re a society running on magic spells. What each of us perceive is a distorted reality casted by our projections and biases. But for many of us, it’s all we have (including personality types). And the thought of letting go of that is harrowingly terrifying and lonely.

“I think it is very exciting to have the opportunity to say something important, or do something important, or do something that can mean something. We need each other. And we need art and music. It is an extreme sport to be a human.” — Aurora

However it is that existential dissonance that motivates INFPs to understand who we are as souls beyond cells. Introverted Feeling-Introverted Sensing is a lifelong rabbit hole of using yourself as the research subject. Thus you could regularly dig out repressed trauma, inner demons, vices, and depressing periods. Such is life. It’s a core shaking journey that is both adorned with blessings and plagued with sufferings. Beauty is in embracing and unpacking that layered ambivalence. Maturity comes from integrating all the good and shitty parts of what makes a full human being. The patronizing and infantilizing from the community is nonsense.

Since we act on our thoughts and feelings, shouldn’t we understand them better? They’re all influenced by the information we receive. How we see beauty, define happiness, and believe what’s good are all rooted from what we feel. Civilization is built based on them, logic only serves to exchange knowledge. There’s no better way to understand ourselves than to analyze the pure raw emotions fresh within us. Of course they can be intense, they’re embedded in our very fibers. But in the end, they’re data. How valid is the research of our existence and experience if it was based on tainted data? How valid are the values we follow as a society? The INFP crybaby stereotype is at odds with what I believe is a very rational and researched type, even overly so to a fault.

FiSi is having the proactive agency to navigate in between the contradictions and paradoxes. It’s not about standing as the pillar of what’s good and evil, nor shining as the bright light of positivity. Life’s too nuanced for that. Your values are continuously evolving. TeNe surveys these nuances woven into society ranging from interpersonal roles, to political and economic systems, and to cultural and philosophical paradigms. We live in an interconnected “-ism” machine weaved in with the geometries and mathematics of the universe, and you can determine how it affects everyone in it. You see your place in the world. Over the course of your life, you trace how these constructs have affected you.

“We’re emotional illiterates. We’re taught everything about the body and about agriculture in Madagascar and about the square root of pi, but not a word about the soul. We’re abysmally ignorant, about both ourselves and others… It doesn’t dawn on anyone that we must first learn something about ourselves and our own feelings. Our own fear and loneliness and anger. How can you understand other people if you don’t know anything about yourself?” — Ingmar Bergman

On a high level, you and I are similar. We get into people’s shoes and figure how to deal out compassion. We value rationality to navigate in this messy world. Yet we acknowledge that we don’t have a clue on what we’re doing. We’re really winging it out here. We go through occasional sondering episodes before returning back into our NPC selves. Looking down into the differing details, you challenge your values under the scrutiny of reflecting on past experiences and hypothetical situations. What is good and why is it good? I look at different perspectives and tentatively place myself somewhere in between them. If it’s good enough, then it’s good enough! You dream of an ideal environment to thrive in. I dream of an ideal self to thrive anywhere.

In a way I’m more adaptive than you are, in that I’m a little more ignorant. My Extraverted Sensing-Extraverted Thinking focuses on a few particular things. My worldview isn’t any simpler though, just that what’s going on around the world and even around me are mere advisory. I take all of that information in, and collate them into a big mental picture. But instead of looking at myself as a cog in a machine, I’m a rat in a maze looking for his cheese. And with Introverted Intuition-Introverted Feeling, I put my whole sense of being as a rat on his little journey. I care just enough about how the maze is built to locate that cheese.

So why am I so hungry for cheese? What is it about that pursuit that’s rewarding? Consider the fable of the Chinese farmer which began with his horse running away. Below is an excerpt about it from Eric Weiner’s The Socrates Express: In Search of Life Lessons from Dead Philosophers.

That evening, the neighbors stopped by to offer their sympathies. “So sorry to hear your horse ran away,” they said. “That’s too bad.” “Maybe,” the farmer said. “Maybe not.” The next day the horse returned, bringing seven wild horses with it. “Oh, isn’t that lucky,” said the neighbors. “Now you have eight horses. What a great turn of events.” “Maybe,” said the farmer. “Maybe not.” The next day the farmer’s son was training one of these horses when he was thrown and broke his leg. “Oh dear, that’s too bad,” said the neighbors. “Maybe,” said the farmer. “Maybe not.” The following day, conscription officers came to the village to recruit young men for the army, but they rejected the farmer’s son because he had a broken leg. And all the neighbors said, “Isn’t that great!” “Maybe,” said the farmer. “Maybe not.” We lead telephoto lives in a wide-angle world. We never see the big picture. The only sane response is, like the Chinese farmer, to adopt a philosophy of maybe-ism.

Maybe-ism is a manifestation of the INFP’s Extraverted Intuition. It’s what makes the fitting of the self in the world a never ending journey. My Introverted Intuition is opposite. Rather than maybe-ing about the world, I’m maybe-ing about myself. I’m curious about my potential. Maybe I could be anything! NiFi feels that human potential and wants to see it through SeTe. Contrast to how you draw meaning out of life, I bring meaning into life. We all seek for the moving and vivid experience. The feeling of realizing my goals is how I get that. There’s not much to relish with a vague indefinite idea of myself. There’s nothing meaningful about my identity being a maybe.

And that’s my dilemma. Whatever I actualize can never truly represent who I am. I’m so fixated on who I could be. Have I done enough? Maybe not. My life turns into a sequence of mazes where I finish one and move onto another. The cheese is a lie. Daydreaming is fun, but I shouldn’t sit still. Not striving for a goal would leave my life meaningless. While that way of thinking isn’t a bad thing, it still feels dissonant. I’m an introvert after all, going out there and getting shit done is tiring. As someone who looks to enjoy life as it is, I turn to you. Maybe I need to look deeper in myself. So then, you asked me “if your personality was a color, what would it be and why?”

Welp. I guess blue? Like navy blue. It’s a boy color. Growing up, I wanted to be someone that gave off “blue” masculine energy. I modeled the definition of cool, stoic, and independent. The kind of man that was oozing quiet confidence. I related to those proud collected Shounen anti-heroes who wore blue. Quickly you noted my answer was still about who I could be, as if I was focusing at the wrong thing! I was projecting blue into the characters I looked up to. You’d have a story that’d tell your personal connection with the color. Like Rafiki said to Simba, I needed to look haaarder.

I was sweeping my patio one summer day. Dirt was flying off caking my sweaty face. I leaned my broom on the stairs handrail, and sat on the chair in the shade for a break. Resting my elbows on my knees, I pat my face with a cold wet rag, and checked at my reflection on the sliding door glass. Hair was disheveled off my messy manbun. The sun casted shadows under my eye bags and cheek lines. Through the dirt haze, Mom appeared in my reflection. I have her eyes and hair length. Suddenly she stayed at the forefront of my mind. Her warmth enveloped me from inside. As if she was watching through my eyes, her presence possessed me to continue on with the sweeping.

My body yielded to her energy. Like a puppeteer, it pulled my strings to get up, grab the broom, resume sweeping. I stayed mildly aware of my body movements, keeping in rhythm with how Mom would sweep. My face wore a smile like hers. The kind of smile that assured everything’s gonna be all right, and there’s nothing to be afraid of. That was all I could concentrate on. Memories of her smiling while working around the house were replayed in front of my eyes. I didn’t want the sweeping to end. I didn’t want to let go of that peaceful place inside of me.

Mom was right. In that place, everything was all right. Deep in there, I felt safe. There was nothing to be afraid of. I wasn’t lonely, I felt loved unconditionally. This is not a maybe. I know the path to get back to that feeling. That’s when I realized — or rather remembered — who I am is the very projection of her love, hopes, and dreams. I used to think being the best archetypal son a mom could dream would make her proud. But that was really my own endeavor. Happiness can found in sweeping the patio, carrying her smile, and looking at her eyes in my reflection.

“Well yeah, and I’m sad, but at the same time I’m really happy that something could make me feel that sad. It’s like, it makes me feel alive, you know? It makes me feel human. And the only way I could feel this sad now is if I felt something really good before. So I have to take the bad with the good, so I guess what I’m feeling is like a, beautiful sadness. I guess that sounds stupid.” — Leopold “Butters” Scotch, from South Park

Our emotions may be the only real thing amidst all the constructs and hallucinations. With Mom’s love as part of me, I’ll never feel lost. It’s one of the many stories you’ve helped me unpack. Many are as loving, others are painful. But again, such is life. It’s not perfect. I’m not perfect. You convinced me that’s perfectly fine. I just am. That’s the only truth. None of us owns it. It owns us, and we’re here to experience it. So we can’t hate the experiences that shaped us in order to love ourselves. We can only learn from them. We can learn from each other too. Maybe that’s the whole point.

Looking back, the way my life unfolded seems fated. I didn’t ask to live. I didn’t have a choice on my upbringing. How ironic that I’ve gone out of my way to ensure my life book is interesting. Just by living, it already has been. In the good parts of my book, there’s gratitude. In the shitty parts, there’s forgiveness. Time moves on, and we should too. To embrace ourselves is the choice we have to make to keep up with it, to grow with it. It may be the only thing we’re truly free to choose… Oh and for the record, you’re in the good parts of my book. I appreciate you being the Rafiki to my Simba.