#it doesn't seem to matter
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lucyvaleheart · 8 months ago
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#i need to stop doing this. but i just. i.....#.....I'll probably fall asleep minutes after i post this#so if you message me about it and i don't reply that's why#but i just#............fuck I'm trying so hard#it doesn't seem to matter#no matter how much i get done or accomplish it's never enough I'm always ten steps behind where i need to be to even reach net zero#not even the point of making progress. the point where i can so much as rest#I'm so tired. im so tired. nothing i think of works nothing i try is ever the right thing#i know from the outside looking in i may not seem like a burden i may even seem like an uplifting person to be around#but I'm a burden.#i am. I'm not self deprecating. it's a fact. it's just a fact.#as i am now i am a resource sink and i need too much help and i can't really be independent#and yet i don't really have a choice#so at present whoever i live with (currently my husband) gets stuck taking care of me because i just fall short in so many ways#.....i can't do anything right#nothing i do seems to matter. i can't.... i can't do anything#fuck#I'm just repeating myself I'm almost certain but#...............why can't i have a decent idea for once#all this confidence and i just keep fucking up anyway#worked so hard on being confident in myself that i don't match up to my own expectations now#i#.............fuck#everything hurts so badly#I'm so tired#....I'm so tired#....................if anyone happens to live in Minnesota and wants to just. come shoot me dead hit me up#im too much of a coward to do it myself
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shit-talker · 8 months ago
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The only way I can rationalise people accepting literal children going out and fighting crime as Robin is if they don't think Robin is a real child.
I think it would be fun to see how Bruce would use that to his advantage in protecting his kids. Like, if people think Robin isn't human, if they instead think he's a spirit or a ghost, they are less likely to shoot at him, less likely to try and physically attack Robin because they think it would be no use.
The fun part would be deciding HOW they would do this. I like to think that Robin's domino mask doesn't have a hole for his eyes but instead is glazed over so that he can see out of it, but you can't see in. Maybe they install small lights in it so it looks like his eyes glow in the dark, because can you image how fucking scary it would be to just see these two sentient light-like eyes and just know the Batman must be lurking somewhere close by?
Maybe Bruce installs super strong magnets in their gloves because on the chance that someone does pull a gun on his kid close range, it would be a lot easier for them to grab the gun away if they had the force of magnetism on their side. Also, grabbing onto poles and other metal materials would make all the scaling on tall buildings a little safer. Obviously, they'd need a way to turn it on and off, but still. Can you imagine, you're in a warehouse and there are steel frames fucking everywhere and you look up and suddenly there's a child gripping onto one effortlessly? Horrifying.
Maybe they have a voice box. Want to scare people? Play this really ominous recording of a child's laughter that echoes just a bit too loud to be normal. Play this ominous screaming that seems too silent to be real. Play this ticking that seems to never end that induces stress and increases the chance of them messing up.
What would be even funnier is keeping this act up with the Justice League and other teams.
Batman doesn't bring Robin to these meetings at the beginning because he sees no need to involve a preteen in such matters, but at some point the subject does come up and it's sort of like; So, Bats, what exactly is the kid? Like...is he yours?
And Bruce (paranoid as fuck) doesn't want to admit to these people that yes, Robin is my son because hello? That's gotta be his biggest weakness, he would do anything to keep that kid safe and fuck them if they ever tried to hurt him to get to Bruce.
So, he tells them that he's a spirit sent to haunt him and remind the city of it'd failures and the Justice League just... believe him?? Because this is Batman, and why would Batman ever lie about something so, frankly, strange? And it's not a huge deal, like they're a team comprised of metas and aliens and literal godesses, so what if the one normal human guy has a weird little ghost child? Who cares if he cares about it like it's a real boy? Maybe the baby spirit has rights, too!! They don't know!
So, when the JLA gets more popular and becomes an actual, legal part of the American government, they're required to list all of their members. And they class Batman as a human, because that's obvious but next to Robin, they don't really know what to say or how to ask Batman about it, ao they just put "Unknown Child Spirit - TBD"
And then just... never change it?
So, they don't question why a few years later Robin seems to look entirely different, or why after that he changes again, or why Robin is suddenly a girl for a while before going back to a little boy. That's obviously just some weird spirit thing they don't understand, and it's not like Batman is going to explain it!
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pollyna · 3 days ago
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Sometimes, when Ice gets really irrational amd unreasonable about stuff and he doesn't want to hear reason from anybody or anyone, Mav sits on his lap. For five minutes to an entire hour just to make sure Ice actually listens and understands what it has been said to him.
Ice finds it a little annoying at times, but it helps more than he likes to admit.
(It's a win-win in the end because five minutes get to be ten because Mav can kiss the will of arguing out of him when he gets like that. They don't always kiss, but after a while, even just the weight of his husband's body against his does the trick.)
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martuzzio · 10 months ago
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"Now, we're not looking for any trouble, y'hear? We're 'round these parts to do our business, just like how you're here to do yours. So how about we all act like civilized folk and you set that gun of yours down before something... bad happens."
Or, Hermit Cowboys
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kyouka-supremacy · 2 months ago
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Oh...
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lgbtlunaverse · 1 month ago
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Horrible thing to say but I think there's a real chance Jiang Yanli was both of her parents' least favorite child and knew it and just kinda. Had to go on with her life knowing that.
#mdzs#jiang yanli#yunmeng siblings#madam yu's favorite kid is jc. she doesn't. um. SHOW it in a very affirming way but he's clearly the one she's emotionally most invested in#jfm's favorite kid is wwx. is he even one of his kids? doesn't matter. he's the favorite#(madam yu does NOT see wwx as her child so he doesn't factor into the calculation for her.)#i think jfm's neglect of jc is talked about. mostly because the both jc and wwx are clearly aware of it and so it's mentioned in novel#but um... DO we see either of yanli's parents give much a shit about her? ever?#jfm doesn't even ask if she WANTS her engagement dissolved before doing so#also the reason stated by other characters for jfm not liking jc is that he's madam yu's child. you know who is ALSO madam yu's child?#i think jfm may find jc.. harder to get along with. but i also think whatever discomfort from his marriage he projects onto his kids#it also extends to yanli. it's just that he's not constantly REMINDED of yanli like he is jc#(because madam yu keeps yelling about it)#and so he just... doesn't think about her much at all#madam yu meanwhile treats yanli with this air of disappointment. she seems to resent that she's 'weak' and gentle and quiet#and that she cares so little about status so as to treat wwx like her little brother#i think yanli is just fundamenally so clearly... not the child either of her parents wanted. and it shows.#i'm slightly peeved fandom doesn't talk about this as much as they talk about the effects the jiang parents had on the two boys.#but to be fair to fandom the book doesn't either#which is probaly just danmei-typical misogyny. but to give a slightly more watsonian reason#i think the yunmeng bros are genuinely unaware of this. yanli is PERFECT how could her parents not love her?#(of course they notice something like zixuan's initial dislike of her but that's blatant.)#(vs the attitude of the jiang parents towards their daughter which seems to be mostly... disinterest and disappointment)
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buttdumplin · 2 months ago
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I only know Mexican Spanish, so I can only speak for myself and those I grew up with but "mami" and "papi" are not the equivalent of mommy/daddy as used in sexual or intimate relations.
We use mami and papi with our kids. It's what our tíos and tías call us that affectionately. It's what the lady from the corner store calls us when she's sweet on us and can't quite remember our names. It's what our grandparents call us as they fix up a scraped knee. And they bring out papito/mamita when we're either in deep shit, or in need of comfort that can only come from someone with more knowledge, power, or experience than us. It's a diminutive term of endearment.
I'm not saying it's never used as mommy/daddy, but it's hardly ever a title. The context of it is so wildly different, because it's usually what we call someone we're responsible for.
"Mamas" tho? Mamas can fuck.
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tadpoles-and-daydreams · 6 months ago
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A ramble on imposter syndrome and the accessibility of witchcraft
So, I’ve been thinking. I think a lot in case you haven’t noticed. Specifically, I’ve been thinking about the major imposter syndrome I’ve been feeling lately in regards to this blog. TL;DR is at the bottom of this post.
People have been, occasionally, sending me asks requesting my opinion on things/how I do things/what I know about XYZ topic. If you are one of these people, I promise I’m not vagueposting about you in particular- in fact, I love these questions! They’re so fun to get and they actually make me sit and think sometimes, or even encourage me to write out something that I’ve been meaning to for my book of shadows. Genuinely, they're wonderful asks to receive. These questions have made me confront something, however; my blog is still small, but some people actually like what I write and value my opinion even if just a little. 
I feel like a mimic hiding in the witchcraft community. I feel like, were people to truly understand my experiences, they would want to “expose” me for knowing so little.
So I sat down with those feelings and turned it over in my head and I’ve come to a conclusion. The fact is, I don’t do research. At least- not what I think of when people talk about research. My "research" consists of the occasional rabbit hole I go down, one and two halves of different books I never finished under my belt, what I see scrolling through various social medias, and conversations I've had with other witches. I check to make sure I'm not stepping on the toes of any closed practices- in fact, that's what most of my energy goes to when it comes to research. This isn't a complaint; I'd much rather know that my craft isn't appropriative.
But I don’t know much about mythology, even that of the deities I work with. I don't even remember the holidays and what they're for. I thought Nyx was an Egyptian deity until like four months ago because I'd just heard her name in passing as a child and had never looked into the mythology... Even though I mainly work with the pantheon she belongs to. Y’all, I’ve done like three spells that I remember. My book of shadows is a messy disaster and I love it but it's got so little information in it, because I rarely write things down. Most resources (especially mythology resources) are academically worded or difficult to read for me personally, and all of these things feel like secrets I have to guard with my life because if I were to ever say them aloud, people would know I'm a fraud.
Today I've come to the conclusion that that is, in fact, absolute bullshit.
Maybe it's not, maybe this post will make some people really upset, but in my practice it's bullshit. All of the above is a result of my ADHD and the fact that I am nothing if not a hands-on learner. My craft is mostly my own experiences because that's how my whole life is; I learn by doing. My ideal learning style is sitting with another autistic person whose special interest is whatever I'm learning about and just talking for five hours, but if that's not something I can do, puzzling it out myself is the next best thing. That's what I've been doing ever since I felt had a basic foundation for my craft. Hell, even before I had a foundation I was putting my own experiences into my craft because "Well that rule just doesn't fucking vibe with me."
This post is mostly for me, but partially for anyone who feels similar. We are not broken or doing witchcraft/paganism wrong. We are simply what happens when the kid who could never do homework ends up practicing the "religion/spirituality that comes with homework." Witchcraft and paganism, in my experience, is far from accessible when it comes to the typical image of it. UPG is what makes it accessible. So yes, my practice is heavily UPG, and I don't do as much research as I think people have assumed. But I'm going to let go of the idea that I'm a fraud, because frankly I know enough about witchcraft to have supported my practice this whole time and my deities haven't smited me yet so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
TL:DR:
Fuck the rules, I don't do much research. I've researched the "basics" and what I need to so I'm not stepping on any toes of closed practices, but people seem to think I know way more than I actually do. I've felt like I was lying this whole time but frankly witchcraft just isn't accessible to someone with my flavor of auDHD, so my craft relies heavily on UPG and I've decided that I'm not broken or wrong for that and neither is anyone else. I'm tired of seeing myself as an imposter just because I make my practice doable for me.
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cienie-isengardu · 7 months ago
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Sokka's sexism
Sokka’s sexism from the earliest episodes is an interesting case, because the Southern Water Tribe, at least from what was presented to us on screen, doesn’t seem to operate that much on gender roles? Especially when compared to the Northern Water Tribe?
I mean, yeah, warriors (men) went to war, while women, children and the elders stayed at home. But as Hama’s story shows, when Fire Nation attacked Southern Water Tribe, both female and male benders were fighting against invaders arm to arm and it seems like they were the actual first line of defense there, not the non-bender warriors.
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In contrast, during siege of North Pole, in the final of Book 1: Water, we don’t see any female bender helping defend their home except Katara, who was involved in protecting Aang when he was in Spirit World.
Since all the waterbenders were captured from the Southern Tribe, it makes sense that non-bender warriors stepped in and got involved with war, while the kids and elders were left under women’s care.
Another example comes from “a ceremonial test of wisdom, bravery and trust”, known as ice dodging. As Bato explained, it is a rite of passage for young Water Tribe members and in their village “done by weaving a boat through a field of icebergs.” When a child turns 14, their father was supposed to take them to ice dodging, so they could earn their mark. Though the episode itself was focused on Sokka’s ceremony, Bato never specified it as something that boys alone should do and not only Katara (girl) but also Aang (outsider) is allowed to take part in the ritual. Once Sokka proved himself, everyone of their group got a mark, as a sign they passed the test. Interesting thing to note, since Bato did not specify it is a rite of passage for boys alone, it suggests girls were expected to know how to sail in boats of the Southern Water Tribe. Of course, again, war didn’t allow to continue this tradition as men (Hakoda, in case of Sokka & Katara) left to fight against Fire Nation.
Later, when Sokka and Katara reunited with their father, Hakoda did not try to send away Katara nor relegate her to just a medic job during the invasion. In Northern Water Tribe episodes, we learned that teaching for waterbenders there was defined by gender - women were allowed to learn only how to heal, while men how to use their bending in fight. Hakoda, nor Bato nor other of their warriors even for a moment questioned Katara’s presence on the battlefield nor the presence of women in the ranks of their allies like a blind, 12 years old Toph or the female water benders from Swamps or female(?) soldier from Earth Kingdom
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And during battle, Katara did not fight in rank with other soldiers, she first alone secured Appa during submarine attack, then alongside her brother and father took down guardhouses - Hakoda himself told her and Sokka to attack one when he took down the other one
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showing how much he trusted his 15 years old son and 14 years old daughter while ordering them attack on Fire Nation adult soldiers hidden in well guarder place.
Later, when Hakoda got seriously injured and Sokka temporary took the command of their forces, we could see that Hakoda relied on Katara to follow his troops and not ever once tried to send her back “to safety” or argued she should leave him behind, as often it happens with heroic (male) figures. Quite the opposite. When Katara offered him to “wait here if you want”, Hakoda firmly said “I want to press forward with the others”, which meant his daughter needed to come with him directly into an already ongoing fight (even if they stayed more at the rear of their army, they were still on battlefield).
She and her brother, alongside with the youngest members of Invasion, were forced to flee on Appa once the battle was lost, but no other adult woman was included. During Zuko’s coronation, when all war prisoners were released, in the background we could again see the female character(s) from Swamps.
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And let's not forget how impressive Hakoda was by Suki when she single-handedly captured the warden at Boiling Rock prison and did not try to stop her from fighting against Ty Lee alongside Zuko and Sokka against Azula.
Understandably, we have no idea how the Southern Water Tribe and its culture looked like before the war, even arguably, the characters themselves may not have a clear idea due to growing up in dire times. But my point is, Hakoda and Bato, the two main adult Southern Water Tribe’s warriors that Avatar: The Last Airbender allowed us to know more about, have never shown any direct sexism toward Katara or other female characters. And though Sokka was the oldest boy at their village, there is no reason to think women did not hunt in absence of men, because one person would not be able to provide for a whole community 24/7. Also, as Hama proved, the Southern Water Tribe’s waterbenders were capable of fighting and their gender did not play any vital role the way it happened in their sister tribe at North Pole. 
Of course, Fire Nation’s repeated attacks affected residents of South Pole and their living conditions but from the little bits the show gave us, I think it is correct to assume if Sokka grew up with Hakoda around to guide him as he should, his behavior would be different from the sexism and dismissive attitude toward Katara or Kyoshi Warriors. For one, logically thinking Southern Water Tribe’s warriors need to do all the cooking, sewing and keeping their camp clean all on their own during war so it is not a “girly job” but a vital part of a warriors skills to survive and ensure their equipment is in the best condition. But Sokka doesn’t know it, because there is no one to teach him the importance of those skills. All Sokka had was father’s farewell words to cling to - and I’m not sure if Hakoda truly expected his son to be able to protect Katara and the village in his absence, or he just tried to make Sokka feel a bit less depressed about being left behind. You know, by giving him purpose and a Big Important Job to focus on and to feel needed and trusted. 
Which leads me to think that Sokka’s sexism is not rooted in Southern Water Tribe’s culture itself, but in his own insecurity and pressure of being the oldest boy in the village. If girls could be warriors - and be better than him - it would put into question all his self-worth, purpose and the trust given by father. Once Sokka met Kyoshi Warriors and later all the skilled girls, it challenged him on a very personal level, but he accepted the truth and moved on and alongside, finally became a true warrior and a man. 
And I find it indeed an interesting case, as Sokka’s sexism and dismissal of girls is not necessarily stemming from the culture he is part of, but rather is the effect of not knowing said culture & pre-war history of his Tribe. And of course, from his own insecurity. 
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saline-coelacanth · 2 months ago
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My brain started cooking up some potential Cole and Jay angst regarding the whole evil Jay thing. I don't have any specific scenarios figured out, but I had this realization that Cole is the only one of the main ninja (minus Jay I guess) who hasn't learned Rising Dragon. We've seen Jay use Shatterspin.
Basically what I'm getting at is imagine a fight between Cole and Jay where Jay uses Shatterspin and Cole can't really defend himself without Rising Dragon, so instead of fighting back he's trying to dodge and desperately trying to reason with Jay and get him to remember. Meanwhile Jay just continues to sink further and further into his own hatred or something like that.
This might also be a little bit of me coping since I feel like it's unlikely that Cole's gonna be going after Jay next season since it looks like it's just gonna be Kai and Nya going. If it were up to me I'd have it be Nya and Cole since they're the characters closest to Jay, but you know that's just me.
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anghraine · 3 months ago
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ngl I always find it wild to see Star Wars stuff that's like "if you think about it in terms of realistic statistics/science then..." about almost any aspect of it.
I mean, what about the Star Wars films gives the impression that this universe abides by realistic statistics, or realistic anything else? SW is broadly a fantasy epic projected onto an IMAX screen with a space background painted on it. Yeah, the planets and moons in the films almost always have improbably limited biomes and two major locations max, because narratively these locations are usually just fantasy city-states with space aesthetics.
Starships travel at the speed of plot and we simply jump past the amount of time that presumably is passing, and sort of imply the passage of that time through shifts in the character dynamics. But this passage of time cannot be analyzed with any kind of consistency because the only logic governing it is the pace of the story.
Just how long did it take the Empire to send a full contingent of forces to Dantooine, search the entire planet, find the Rebel base, and then report back to Tarkin between one scene and another? No one says and no one appears to care. How long did it take Han and Leia to reach Bespin and what exactly went on between them while Luke was, in the same time frame, going through a protracted training over multiple days at an absolute minimum? ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
How do giant space worms survive inside asteroids that somehow have an Earth-approximate gravitational field and I guess an atmosphere? Shhhh don't think about it. The point of the sequence is not "how does the giant space worm subsist off this random asteroid and how does it breathe and how does gravity work in this context, seriously" but that the giant worm sequence is fucking sick.
There's probably some after the fact EU justification invented by people who had nothing to do with the original writing of the space worm (or perhaps there are several mutually incompatible explanations) and I am profoundly disinterested in them. Nothing could make this even slightly realistic and it was never intended to be. Star Wars sings space shanties at scientific/mathematical realism as it sails past on a completely different ship going in the exact opposite direction.
And I do mean "sails" because while astronomy might tell us that space is unfamiliar and wild on a level we as Earthbound lifeforms can barely comprehend, Star Wars understands that space is basically an ocean, yet with stars and cool but survivable planets in it, or sometimes it's air but combined with a super cool space background so you can have early 20th century aerial combat that would make no sense in actual space conditions and doesn't need to.
"If you consider relativity, then just running the Empire would be..." General relativity does not govern the galaxy far, far away. Space magic does. I'm not sure there are even time zones.
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glassiskies · 1 year ago
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Okay i dont know if anyone else has pointed this out but throughout the vast majority of the ball (and honestly throughout many scenes in episode 5 as well but they don't seem as significant), Aziraphale and Crowley are on opposite sides of the screen they would normally be on. Particularly when Crowley is trying to tell Aziraphale about the demons outside the bookshop and he doesn't listen.
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It's so interesting because this scene, in my opinion, is the crux of Aziraphale's denial and refusal to see what is actually going on and the danger of it (affectionate). The entire season we've witnessed Aziraphale downplay the real danger of hiding Gabriel in his bookshop. This is partly on Crowley, who knows more of the extent of the danger they're in and does not tell Aziraphale. BUT, we can't deny that Aziraphale is also ignoring the severity of the situation. I mean, he literally says that Crowley is overestimating the trouble they are in:
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I just think it's INTERESTINGGGG. After the ball their positions return to normal and don't switch again until Episode 6 Crowley puts his sunglasses on and crosses to leave the bookshop.
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It's also an interesting moment to choose switching their places on the screen because it's the moment Aziraphale's fantasy of being in Heaven with Crowley is crushed as well. You can tell that through Crowley's confession, Aziraphale isn't listening to a word he's saying, much like during the ball. BUT the dynamic doesn't switch until Crowley has totally rejected Aziraphale's offer.
Would love to hear anyone else's opinions on this, I could be overthinking it (I am the person who spent multiple days analyzing the lengths of Crowley's sideburns in each promo photo only to discover it was just a continuity error when the actual show came out LMAO.)
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elliewiltarwyn · 17 days ago
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Roevember Day 8: Meal
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This is it... isn't it? This is the sort of thing I've been fighting for all along.
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Good friends sitting down for a good meal, letting past hardships and tomorrow's worries fade into the background.
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Seeking joy in darkness, buoyed by that radiance - finding small moments of joy to sustain us, give us the strength to carry on day after day...
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The strength to find...what matters to us.
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bonus: hilarious and slightly disconcerting not-quite-bug i encountered while setting up g'raha in particular
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opbackgrounds · 10 months ago
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The word yet is doing a lot of heavy lifting here
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airyairyaucontraire · 2 months ago
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mousehousediary · 4 months ago
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ever think about how when louis was asking armand to witness madeleine's turning, he was basically inviting him into the family by asking him to attend his daughter's wedding/hold his hand in the delivery room. and when armand essentially replies "i will not go unless you force me to" he tells him he doesn't have to and reassures him. and then what goes on in their respective heads in that exact moment are:
louis: oh damn the maitre stuff is not just a sex thing he actually like can't hold a conversation like a human being. oh but he's so sad... there there loser boyfriend... why does nobody ever want to have babies with me :/
armand: *has just sentenced louis to death*
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