#it does feel like being an abuse victim and a mentally ill fuck

[butiknowiloatheyou]

frank iero wrote “nothing above, nothing below” and i was like ‘wow this feels exactly like being twelve’

[thebibliosphere]

Whenever I talk about the medical neglect and ableism I've encountered as a victim of the healthcare system, there's always some cockwaffle who feels entitled to come into my inbox and make the argument of "not all doctors" while talking about how "people like them" (because it's always someone in a field of medicine who does this) are doing their best and it's really hard because so many people fake being ill to get on welfare (Yikes), but like, yeah, obviously #not all doctors, because if all doctors were negligent, bullying scum bags, I'd be dead.

But here's the thing: while I truly believe that the majority of doctors are doing their best in a system stacked against them and their patients, their presence does not negate the mass harm caused by the bad ones. And there are far more bad ones than you realize.

Fuck, John Oliver literally did a segment on this last week:

Yes, the truly bad, malicious doctors are in the minority. Most are just horrifically burned out and fighting a losing battle against a system, killing both them and their patients through a lack of funding and resources and profound overwork.

But the malicious ones do exist, and they will go out of their way to harm patients who don't kowtow to them.

I almost lost my life because when I was in my early twenties, I told a doctor I didn't think she was listening to me, and I disagreed with her assessment of my mental health (she was not a mental health doctor, and I was there for heart palpitations and chronic pain). She retaliated by putting "non-compliant" in my file.

There was also a fun little "doesn't show respect" note too that lives rent-free in my head because I know I wasn't rude. I was polite. I just didn't agree with her, and my refusal to accept her off-handed comment that "you probably have bipolar or BPD" (again, I was there for heart palpitations and chronic pain) meant I was "refusing care."

I wasn't. I just refused to be slapped with a mood/personality disorder when I was there because I kept fucking fainting when I stood up.

(Spoiler alert: it was dysautonomia)

That "non-compliant" marker followed me around for years. It followed me across an ocean and effectively ensured that any doctor I saw was going to treat me like absolute dogshit because no one wants to help Difficult Patients. It wasn't until I was so undeniably ill, literally on the brink of death, that anyone helped me.

I'm alive because of a good doctor. And all the good ones that came after him because of him.

So, I know they exist. You don't have to tell me that.

But I really fucking need you to acknowledge the bad ones and that you're part of a system with a long, long history of abusing minorities and vulnerable people. I need you to acknowledge that because it's the only way we're going to survive this godforsaken nightmare and make things better.

So yeah, #notalldoctors, but if you feel the need to say that because someone talking about being literally left to die by the medical system hurts your feelings, I'm going to have to ask you to take a step back and ask yourself if you're going into medicine for the right reasons.

Namely: do you want to help people, even the "difficult" ones?

Even the ones who might disagree with you?

Even if they're on welfare?

Even if they'll never get "better" in a way that means "cured"?

Just a thought. But hey, what do I know. I'm just someone who experienced hemolytic anemia because doctors kept telling me I was anxious and needed to exercise more 🤷‍♀️.

[genericpuff]

wait wait wait, regarding that Minthe post, you're telling me that Rachel literally wrote the character as having BPD.....and portrayed her as an abusive mean piece of shit??? WOW. fucking WOW. sorry for being so angry, but even if she "retconned" that - it's still so god damn disrespective. as someone who has BPD it hurts so much to see my mental illness villanised :(

ugh I'm so sorry pal. and I don't blame you for being angry about it, like I don't even have BPD and I'M fucking pissed LOL like I can understand why Rachel might have wanted to backtrack from that knowing fully well that Minthe's story wasn't gonna have a happy ending, but writing her with BPD in the first place and then BACKTRACKING from it as soon as she likely got heat for it (or just realized it wasn't a good look) isn't much better because it means now all she's done is written the stigmatized negative effects of BPD into her character without showing the more positive outlooks of healing and managing. Maybe that was doomed to happen considering Minthe is someone who doesn't get a happy ending in the myths, but it begs the question of why she'd write her with BPD to begin with because in hindsight it really does seem like she just wanted to use it as a way to make her "evil".

But like, when you read the actual episode, you can SEE the potential there for character growth, you can SEE that she's aware of her actions - but doesn't understand why she's "like that" which is a VERY common feeling among people with undiagnosed mental illnesses - but it was never meant to be.

Like jfc not only is it HEAVILY IMPLIED, but again, the episode is literally called "Splitting". And we see exactly that with Minthe, who can't seem to rationalize with herself that she messed up.

But... that leads me to another point that I failed to mention in that first ask response: she DIDN'T mess up. Like, yes, she messed up by escalating it to the point of slapping Hades, but it wasn't her fault that she didn't make it to her date with Hades. Whose fault was it?

Continuously throughout the first season we see Thetis being an awful influence who manipulates and gaslights Minthe. They're "friends", but it's clear Thetis does not have Minthe's best interests in mind. In this very scene we see Thetis manipulate Minthe and even attempt to get her so drunk that she won't be able to show up to her date. And then of course when that plan works and Minthe freaks out, Thetis spins it around on Minthe in a very passive-aggressive way.

But of course, the narrative has to find a way to turn this whole thing on Minthe being the bad guy. Hence we get the slap which shifts the focus entirely away from what led up to it back onto Hades who has, in a lot of ways, put her in a situation that she can't control. And of course, being in those kinds of situations does not help with mental health.

Like, sorry, I'm really going off here now, but... the slap happens in Episode 76.

When is it finally addressed again? Episode 103.

It took Rachel nearly THIRTY EPISODES to finally bring it back to Minthe, and in that time the reader has spent SEVERAL EPISODES reading about how sad and lonely Hades is, and about how cute and lovey he is with Persephone. The reader has not had ANY time to reflect on Minthe's circumstances, because it completely pivots away from her to focus on H x P as a sort of distraction from the fact that Minthe is a victim in her own right.

And when it DOES return to Minthe in 103, we get this harrowing reminder that her entire life is dependent on Hades-

And once again, here comes Thetis to the "rescue", reinforcing the negative feedback loop that Minthe is trapped in where she's put in unhealthy situations. She drags her to a bar and the whole time Minthe is not having fun because she's understandably still reeling from what happened.

Now we DO get some character development here, where Minthe realizes exactly what I've just finished explaining, that Thetis isn't her friend, that she'd rather not have Thetis as a friend than continue being talked down to and manipulated.

But then, as we know, because Rachel still needs Minthe to be the "bad guy", the breakup between Hades and Minthe winds up being all about Persephone from a POV that attempts to villainize Minthe for being "jealous" (rather than focusing on how shitty Hades actually is for having an emotional affair with Persephone to begin with) and then Minthe goes right back to hanging out with Thetis anyways for the sake of having the "evil other girl" who wants to "ruin" H x P's relationship.

It's not until Season 3 that we finally see Minthe tell Thetis to fuck off for good, but by then it's too little too late, and Minthe has lost an entire character arc. Rachel tries to go "see! Minthe's life is so much better now that she's taking care of children!" but that's an entirely different solution to a problem Minthe never had. She never got treatment for her BPD. She just got away from H x P which, while is a good thing, isn't actually analyzed as such. It's treated more as a "good thing" for H x P and the readers, because now they don't have to be subjected to Minthe's evil scheming anymore, something something "the evil is defeated". And don't even get me started on this comic's problem with constantly resolving female characters' story arcs through motherhood.

It bums me out so fucking much. Minthe deserved so much better. She's one of the many characters in LO who make it so painfully ironic when they're done dirty, because despite Rachel's attempts to write a "feminist retelling" that focuses on "moving on from trauma", she's inadvertently done more damage to feminism and the stigmas around mental health and trauma through her assassination of grounded and realistic and relatable characters like Minthe and Demeter who are shown ZERO empathy or understanding for their actions (unless it can be done so by making Persephone and Hades into the heroes). It happens so often throughout the comic it almost feels like how the comic markets itself as a "progressive feminist retelling" is some sick joke that I'm just not getting.

[thevampiremarie]

Summertime Sadness (part 1)

Simon "Ghost" Riley x reader

Second chance romance, heavy angst, hurt/very little comfort

Later’s better than never… right?

Ten years ago, Simon and you met at the same therapeutic boarding school. You fought, he said some shit, he left. He thought he’d never see you again.

Until one day, a hospital calls and informs him that you’ve listed him as your emergency contact.

(title from the song by Lana Del Rey)

-

Tags: mental illness, abuse, addiction, self harm, suicidality/suicidal ideation/suicide attempts, angsty shit in general, Ghost being very mean as a fucked up 17 year old boy

There’s an old battered flip phone he hides in the back of his locker wherever he’s deployed. Ghost doesn’t turn it on all that often. Everyone who knows the number is dead.

But sometimes he does, just to stare at the contacts and click through the photos and remember what it was like to talk to them.

Today is one of those days.

He can only take so much talk from his team about families, friends, dogs waiting back home, and pretty girls before feeling the urge to break things.

So he excuses himself to hide in the bathroom like a fucking pussy and takes the phone with him. Simon can pretend he’s waiting for his own phone call from people who love him for a few minutes. Then he promises himself that he’ll put it away and not touch it for another six months.

It takes forever to power on. It’s still janky from the last time Ghost threw it at a wall, it seems.

One (1) missed call.

…What?

They left a voicemail.

His fingers shake as he listens to it.

There’s a long, tinny beep. “Hi, Mr. Riley, I’m…” A woman says in a rushed, businesslike manner. “I’m one of the nurses at-“ Ghost hears a bustle of background noise; faint murmurs, emergency sirens, doors sliding open and shut. “…Hospital. I’m calling because a friend of yours,” The nurse says your name. A name he hasn’t thought about in years. “…Put you down as her emergency contact when we admitted her to our psychiatric inpatient ward. Unfortunately, she did not provide us with anyone else. Please give me a call back at this number if you’d like to speak with her.” Click.

Ghost starts packing an overnight bag before he even realizes it.

Then he’s on a plane.

-

TEN YEARS AGO

“I hate you.”

You’re crying as you run after him in the forest. He speeds up, trying to lose you in the trees. “Please, I’m sorry. I’m sorry, Simon. I’ll never bring it up again.” Snot covers your upper lip and your eyes are bright with tears.

He hates this fucking place. He hates this fucking school, the kilometers of wilderness separating him from his life because the fucking shrinks think he’s crazy. He hates you for trying to keep him here.

And just when Simon was about to fly the coop, you spilled the beans. “Leave me the fuck alone. Never, ever, ever talk to me again,” He barks, stopping abruptly and turning to loom over you.

When you reach for his hand, he slaps you away. “But you promised you wouldn’t leave-“ You end up on the ground, the pine needles biting into your bare knees as if Simon shoved you.

That makes him angrier. You’re too soft for a world like this. You’re practically begging for someone to hurt you again, someone like him, with your vulnerability and open, bleeding heart. Well, he’ll fucking oblige. You’re not strong like you think you are. You’re the weakest person he knows, and weakness is something Simon could never respect.

“I lied. I fucking lied, you dumb bitch. Didn’t you realize it?” Simon snarls, wishing desperately he’d never let you befriend him on his first day at this therapeutic program.

You're sunshine and innocence and friendship bracelets, the kind of girl who will always be a victim because this world devours little girls like you. Simon is nothing like you. Simon is a survivor. A warrior. Simon is steel where you are china.

Your American accent is almost as unbearable as your pathetic weeping. “…What?” Your bottom lip wobbles.

Hopefully this will teach you a lesson about tattling. Nobody likes a snitch. “Forever doesn’t fucking exist. You were the only tolerable person in this shithole, but that doesn’t mean I wanted to be friends forever. What are you, a fucking infant? God, you’ve been nothing but a pain in my ass.” If anything, Simon is letting you off easy. You told the counselor things Simon told you in confidence about his dad because you were ‘afraid for his safety.’

But you just don’t get it. Simon can’t spend another day here. And the longer he stays, the angrier his dad will get. You just earned him another week of shit and black eyes.

“Newsflash. People lie. Everyone’s been lying to you. Nobody likes you, not even your mum. And I can’t stand you. You were useful, but I don’t need you anymore. I’m better,” Simon hisses as cruelly as he can, using every blade in his arsenal to cut at the sensitive parts of you where he knows you’ll bleed. Just like you did when you told.

You’re only stuck in this place because your mum left you here. You don’t have anyone, not like he does. He has Tommy and his mum. He has a future. You’ve got absolutely fucking nothing.

“I was just trying to help.”

“I’m getting out of here. I don’t need your help. I’d tell you to keep it, but it wouldn’t even help you.” Simon pauses. You’ve stopped crying. Good. A crying fox is easy prey for the hunting dogs. “They won't believe you. And you wanna know why?” It feels good to be the hunter instead of the fox for once. You make excellent prey.

“‘Cause I told them the truth. That you’re an obsessed freak who’s hyper fixated on me and you’d do anything to keep me here. That you’re a sick, compulsive liar and that you’re the one who’s a danger to herself, not me.”

You fall silent. Finally, blessed silence. You look up at Simon with glazed eyes and a still tongue. He feels better. Good, even.

“Goodbye. I hope I never see you again,” Simon says flatly.

-

TODAY

You picked a good place to get yourself locked up in. This is one of the nicest hospitals Ghost has been in recently. Shiny floors, no dirt caking the walls. New York City puts Kabul and Moscow to shame.

He’s wearing a plain black balaclava. Nothing identifying or particularly memorable. This is going to be a short visit. Ghost will see what you want and then leave. That’s it.

You look tired, exhausted to the very bone.

None of the shiny pinkness that drew Ghost to you in the beginning when you were fifteen and he was seventeen. None of the glow, the round cheeks, the wide doe eyes.

There’s dark circles chiseled into your face, so dark he almost thinks they’re bruises. A couple of IV bags run through a drip hidden under bandages covering your arms from wrist to elbow. Your eyes are as quiet as you are. A couple of marbles would be more lively. You look almost like a doll forgotten in a corner.

The nurse gave Ghost the run-down as she guided him to your bed. Police picked you up on a bridge trying to off yourself. Your fifth time this year. Unless you show some real improvement, the doctors will recommend an indefinite hospitalization.

You’ve been busy in the decade of his absence. Multiple addictions, more attempts than he can count, and some small stints in jail. A list of disorders he wouldn’t know how to pronounce. And nobody left to call.

Is this his fault?

When Ghost rounds the corner, you smile like he should be proud of you. “You came,” You say.

I have absolutely no business starting a new fic. Absolutely none. Idk. I have brainrot. No clue when this will be updated. But here, have it.

[jewishregulus]

How do you headcanon regulus personality to be like? Do you feel as though James and regulus complement each other in some ways?

why yes of course! i fundamentally disagree w outwardly mean and evil regulus bc it makes no sense canonically. perhaps in an au where he separates himself from his parents and gets to be happy but regulus cares too much to be outwardly rude to people . it would impact his reputation and his families reputation like he isn’t hexing people in the hallways . he’s a professional faker (shit talks behind people’s back most definitely) and feels guilty and horrible everytime he’s plagued with an evil thought . i know many people view him as a selfish character but i think he’s fundamentally not . he puts everyone else’s wishes for him above his own . he doesn’t really exist as a person outside of his family . i do think , outside of this control, he would be sarcastic and have very dry humor , would love to read and would be very introverted but long for connection and friendship. a loner not by choice, he enjoys company but has no idea how to reach for it. i think he loves magic and magical creatures and genuinely holds a lot of love in his heart that his family disapproves of !! regulus soft black !!! not to say i think regulus doesn’t have an attitude and an edge …. i just think he has fundamentally good morals sorry! i’m a good person regulus black enjoyer i can’t help it …. of course he’s morally gray but most of the decisions he makes r caused by the life long abuse and trauma he is subject to . regulus black was suicidal as hell in those deatheater meetings the moment he turned 18 he killed himself LMFAO . i just know he was the most uncomfortable person in there at any given moment . i think vaguely threatening posh regulus is true but it is his exterior and the assumptions ppl make … and then they get to know him and realize he’s got like a little kid version of himself who holds the world with so much fascination . and it makes you sad when you realize he thinks it’s a flaw and wants to stomp it out

in this way i think he compliments james very well!! both people who really do value others and life but behave in very odd judgmental ways (regulus being a fake recluse who can’t function as a person w control over his life and opinions who is fake as hell and sarcastic whilst also having no understanding of social situations and desperate to be liked by people around him. number one peer pressure victim. 15,000 mental illnesses and a penchant for self harming behavior.) (james potter who is unfortunately consistently acting like a frat bro at any given moment : assumes everyone naturally loves him and is mostly right which does evil things for him as a person . would die for his friends but is also insufferable to be around (affectionate) . harshly judgmental to anyone who doesn’t fit into his box of what counts as a good person (which by the way regulus challenges in a way i think helps james as a character!) . looping back to the frat bro thing i think james is the type of person to throw a crazy party and convince everybody to drink and do unsafe things for the fun and when u realize u don’t have a ride home and can’t walk u are so fucking SCARED to ask to stay the night bc of his general vibes but then he ends up taking care of you and getting u pain killers and making like an awesome breakfast for the whole crew? should be the worst person you know but just beneath the surface is so much good it’s impossible to hate him.) you would never think these people would get along but then they both love quidditch and train for it like it’s their life and they are both academics with serious opinions on art and literature they would both die for even though they are often opposing . they are the first people they can have a conversation with and truly match eachothers freak on any given topic. the fundamentals of both of their characters is how much they care about life and the things inside of it . it manifests in different ways but i truly think the thesis of jegulus is that they are so much more similar than one might think outwardly , and it creates a soft intimacy between them . and also just james introducing the concept of silliness fun and happiness into regulus’ life lol!!

[sleepy-crypt1d]

One of my favorite parts of COF that I find is commonly overlooked is the fact that it doesn't sanitized itself for a broader audience, it comes in with a message, with a story to tell that's hard to swallow with characters that are realistic and heartbreaking, and it doesn't apologize for this once.

Something interesting that occurred to me was how people who have never experienced severe mental health struggles view COF- the specific instance I'm thinking of is when I was explaining the plot to my mom, and had explained the different endings to her and how to get those endings, and what each one seemed to imply both for Simon and his relationship with those in his life, and her takeaway from the conversation was- "I don't like that the mentally ill main character becomes a killer. I don't like that he's the bad guy"

And this was interesting to me because, that's kind of the whole reason why I started to love Simon in the first place.

So infrequently are we shown mentally ill characters who do bad things yet still deserve redemption. Who still deserve to be treated as a person, because they are one. In a world that is becoming largely comfortable with the idea "bad person = deserves to die" it was insanely refreshing to see a character like Simon, who we see hurt people, who we see become obsessed and stalkerish and violent, gain redemption through healing. Through therapy and community and the belief from others that he will get better. That he isn't a lost cause.

In ending 2, one of the darker endings of the experience, we learn that Simon is alone. That his friends and family have all left him. That he's been abandoned due to his disability and general mental health struggles, and this was devastating to me. Upsetting to a degree that had me thinking about it for days afterward. Not helped by Simon's plea to Dr. Purnell to not feel bad because "not everyone can be saved". The way Simon views himself is much too similar to my own view of myself as someone who has struggled with similar issues.

As someone who was led down a path of harm due to untreated issues and still struggles with believing I "deserve" redemption.

Because I do, and so does he.

And it's always so upsetting seeing so many people who view victims as one note stories. As people who just cry sometimes and have trouble talking to people or get sad every once in awhile. Mental health is messy and hard to live with and life ruining at times, and this stripping of it's nuance is so frustrating to see happen over and over and over again.

Victims are not your savior story. They are not cookie cutter helpless children that need to be protected. Abuse and severe struggles do not make you stronger, they do not make you better, they do not magically make you more empathetic or loving and I'm fucking tired of that narrative. I'm tired of being talked over by people who've never experienced it or other victims who think they're the "good" ones because, well, they never did that which means anyone who did is horrible. I'm tired of stories of illness being sanitized for other people's comfort.

Victims can become perpetrators, that does not take away from their victim status. That does not change the fact that they still deserve help. That does not take away from their personhood. They are a human being that needs help, not a death sentence. Should they take accountability? Of fucking course. Does their trauma absolve them of wrongdoing? No. But I'm tired of people acting like cycles don't exist, like the second you act out on your trauma you're past saving.

Simon's story is perfect the way it is. A story of redemption and acceptance, of learning to live and grow and learn from past mistakes and find a way to live peacefully. To take responsibility and attempt to rekindle the relationships you lost, the ones you hurt.

Ending 4 and his admittance to the hospital, as well as his continued friendship with Sophie but acceptance of his loss of a romantic one, is heart breakingly bittersweet in a way that is hard for me to describe. Him getting better but living with what he's done, growing from it and learning to live anyways.

Another part of this is that, in his happy ending, in the ending where he does get better; he doesn't do it alone. Largely, the narrative of community is lost in these stories, how helpful a support system can be. Simon gets better because he has people there for him, because he has Purnell and Sophie and his mom looking out for him. He has his doctors and the staff at the hospital and people who know he can get better, that he's still a person deserving and capable of good.

People need people, and this seems an obvious note to me in the story of COF. Simon needs people. He needed people the entire time. Someone, anyone, to listen to him and give him the hand he needed.

And it's so refreshing to see a character like Simon still be loved and cared about and helped even when he was "the bad guy". Let mental ill characters be realistic. I'm begging you.

[milo-igidk]

wanna talk abt like keefes anger and the way he handles it 

bc like there are very few instances in the series that keefe is like outwardly angry outside of his own pov. being raised in an emotionally abusive family can fuck you up real bad in the way you handle your emotions, thats without even putting into account the fact that hes an empath. like, that environment where you're constantly forced to push down any negative emotion because you know itll just make things worse for you, it can cause you to let it out in unhealthy ways, often times towards yourself.

i feel like he has so much anger and rage inside of him that he is forced to keep inside and he would rather ruin himself a hundred times over than let it out on someone he loves, and i have no doubt hes terrified of it. hes terrified of himself, of the thoughts and feelings that he has. and im trying really hard to like keep it in cannon and remember whats actually real but i know he has said that he, and i quote "has a major dark side" and that violence and blood doesnt really affect him the way that it does other elvesthe way its supposed to. some people just, are like that, they have dark, bad, violent thoughts, especially mentally ill ppl or victims of abuse. and on keefes side, his dad is a shitty abuser and his mom has killed enough people to be considered a serial killer, i dont think it would be a surprise if he himself had violent thoughts like those, thoughts and feelings that he doesnt act on but theyre still there.

idk what the point of the post is i just have thoughts that i worry are too obvious but then when i say them here ppl like them so ✨anggggsstt✨

[watermelinoe]

Do you feel as though most lesbians on radblr (not all of course) are… you know? Like.. they progressively become more and more biphobic after months or years of being decent. I don’t know if I’m making a lot of sense, but first it was the 22v6 girl, then normallesbian, then menalez, and now heterophobicdyke too.. i know there are more examples but i’m just getting tired of the biphobia on here.. ☹️

honestly i don't think of this as a lesbian problem. afaik 22v6 wasn't a lesbian. i can't really speak on the other users you mentioned bc i don't follow them, i've seen some of the behavior i'm about to describe from some of them but they don't come to mind when i'm thinking of some of the worst things i've seen on here.

radblr in general just has an accountability issue. someone will say something biphobic (or homophobic! afaik that woman who made that homophobic pastor comparison remade and carried right along) and some people will express disapproval, but most will ignore it or try to downplay it and they'll keep interacting with that user. i'll use heterophobicdyke as an example since she's deactivated, but someone in her inbox was complaining that bi women "whine" about our rape and dv statistics, and in her response she completely brushed past it, zero acknowledgement of that being a fucked up thing to say. that's one typical radblr response. downplaying is another. but the worst imo is being accused of being manipulative.

so if we complain about being called dickmunchers on here, we may be told it's just "venting" and to log off and get real problems, but if we mention said real problems (rape and ipv statistics as well as substance abuse and mental illness statistics) then we must be weaponizing those statistics to play the victim in the great lesbian vs bisexual war that we've all been drafted in i guess. bi women are all master manipulators, obviously.

so where does that shit come from? imo, not radblr.

most deranged shit being said about bi women can be traced back to this blackpilled thing. radblr's biggest problem is that instead of saying "hey that's a deranged thing to say," the gyns are more annoyed with bi women for ~making a big deal out of it~ when WE say "hey that's a deranged thing to say." i can make a post documenting some deranged thing someone said and the two responses i will get are: "this is based actually and i hope your nigel kills you" <- some blackpill weirdo orbiting radblr who assumes i'm male-partnered, and "log off if you don't like it" "that's not a radfem" (bonus points if it's about a user that radfems regularly reblog from) <- radfems

and that's not a lesbian thing, the root is just that no one here thinks bisexuality is an oppressed sexual minority. kind of ironic for the "we totally understand class analysis" group. but if it seems worse than before, i think that's because the blackpill thing is sort of in vogue rn, especially with edgy teenagers orbiting radblr.

it would be nice if more women on here would actually stand up for bi women instead of finding a million excuses not to do so. that's what i find frustrating, personally. but it also happens with racism and homophobia all the time. i know it doesn't seem like it bc we have conflict all the fuckin time, but i actually think radblr is overall conflict-avoidant to a fault.

[bluvlet]

maybe this wouldn’t hit for you cause I don’t know if it fucks with the stuff you enjoy about the trolley problem? but when I first watched the episode my tinfoil hat theory until the end was that Reece’s character WAS the young girl that Steve’s character abused and Steve didn’t recognise him as he had grown older and transitioned to a man. Now, I’ve never done anything with this idea, but I am gifting it to you to pull apart and take bits from and use in au’s or do whatever you want with, bc I feel like you’ll appreciate the idea more than me lol

Anon thank you so much for gifting me this, I am so very interested in this interpretation.

I think I’ve probably mentioned somewhere before that I had predicted the whole, previous patient, revenge plot of the episode a while before it aired. So, going into the episode, I was under the assumption that Drew himself was the past patient who, for some reason, now was seeking revenge for some perceived mistreatment from Blake. And up until the reveal of Ellie I was waiting for that revelation of their previous connection. This preconceived expectation I had was probably the origin of a lot of how I’ve ended up interpreting Drew’s character (in terms of his relationship with Blake + his mirroring of Ellie), as my first impression of him from the start had been as a patient and a victim. And I still feel that interpretation of Drew is quite present sub-textually throughout the episode - supported by that father daughter parallel.

But having Drew himself be the young girl is almost sort of side-stepping that subtext and circling back around to my initial impression and expectations of Drew’s character prior to the episode. It opens a lot of questions about Drew’s father (which is something I may have myself contemplated a fair bit) and Drew’s life and his own obvious mental illness and the impact that his abuse from Blake would have had on him. I mean, why would he now be seeking this revenge, after all those years?

I’m not sure what Drew being Ellie would mean for his reasons for burying Robbie, or if that would even occur at all. The exchange that occurs between Blake and Drew in the final moments becomes a bit muddled without Drew also having a child. Unless Drew was treating his younger, pre-Blake’s abuse self in a similar manner. But it does potentially open up new ways for Drew to use the trolley problem as a framework for his plan.

I just really enjoy that the core of Drew and Ellie’s relationship persists, even if its manifestation fundamentally changes. As his deceased daughter, and as his pre-transition self these are important pieces of Drew which no longer tangibly exist, if that makes sense. Also I am a firm believer that Drew looks very similar to Ellie, and reminded Blake of her, whether consciously or not.

[nozomi-kaizoku]

One thing that genuinely pisses me off is how my dad will constantly point out me, my sister, and my mom's shortcomings and be so quick to blame us for it, yet when we point out his shortcomings that are genuinely harmful, all of a sudden he's "being invalidated", and that we "hurt his feelings" and shit, AND HE DOESN'T EVEN CONSIDER HOW WE FEEL EITHER WHICH FUCKING SUCKS!

Literally just today my parents were arguing about how my mental health was affecting my ability to attend school, and he's over there saying "oh, we should put [him] in a boarding school", "[he]'s doing this on purpose" yap yap yap, basically blaming me for all of this shit. (I put m pronouns in the brackets cause he was misgendering me the whole time btw)

And then I go an step out to get something, he calls me over, and basically just starts shaming me (in front of my mom an sister btw) for getting suspended and sharing how I feel about mr. Gonzales n shit, and when my mom tried to explain and elaborate on something to him, he completely blew her off.

And my mom (bless her heart btw) was literally trying to defend this asshole because she loves him, like a lot, and I feel bad that she has to put up with this tbh.

"he didn't know, he's trying his best" Not only does he know, HE'S SAYING THESE THINGS IN THE MOST DEGRADING MATTER POSSIBLE JUST TO MAKE ME FEEL BAD FOR GETTING SUSPENDED, AND I JUST SJFJKFHERUFERFHR /NEG

Also, I accidentally bought $20 worth of shit on Thursday because he gave me his credit card to buy a soda, and he got in trouble for letting me go out and spend that much, and instead of holding himself accountable, he decides to drag it to today (TWO DAYS LATER) and complain about him "being thrown under the bus", like I'M SORRY BUT YOU'RE THE 50 SOMETHING YEAR OLD MAN BEING PUT IN CHARGE OF MYFINACIALLY IRRESPONSIBLE MENTALLY ILL ASS, YOU WERE THE ONE THAT GAVE ME THE FUCKING CREDIT CARD AND DIDN'T BOTHER TO STOP ME.

and oh man am I getting genuinely tired of his fucking trauma dumping.

He talks about how his mental health and how angry he is at something, yet when we have the AUDACITY to try and talk about how WE feel, instead of taking the time to listen and understand, he basically dismisses us and does this thing I personally call "fake praising" (which is basically when he gives someone praise but it's in such a condescending and almost sarcastic tone to where it doesn't feel like genuine praise at all), and even straight up invalidates us n shit, it's fucking infuriating man.

And the fucked up part? whenever my mom does these things, all of a sudden it's this horrible abusive thing and that he's a selfish bitch, which upsets me because unlike him, she doesn't have as much control over it (though she's working on it), and both she and I have BPD, which makes this even more fucked up because he's so quick to judge us for the same shit he does just because we have a mental illness we can't control.

It infuriates me so much how he's quick to dismiss other people's struggles and sometimes tell them it's their fault, and then the minute he receives ANY amount of criticism against genuinely shitty actions, all of a sudden he's a victim?? FUCK THAT!

I'd say he has a big ego and it's becoming an issue, but i don't want to give the NPD community any shit (since they already got so much stigma on their hands), and I'm not gonna say he's faking any of this either, cause that's not okay, but he REALLY heeds to get a therapist to talk to instead of dumping his issues on the rest of his family.

OH! did I forget to mention he makes weird comments bout my body without my consent anytime I dress alternatively, and he's told me in the past that I have an "athlete's body"? Yeah, kind of weird..

He does ALL of this, and yet still wonders why I hate him.

man is it infuriating...

EDIT: forgot to mention that he doesn't even go to my appointments, nor has he even MET my therapist, or any of that shit, so he has no right to even talk about my mental health like that.

Also, he's extremely invasive about how my medications are working and if I took them n shit, and he says it's "so I can know if my coworker Brian can be prescribed them".

like first off the medications working bit is something for my doctor to ask, not you, second off, I get if you're reminding me, but for you to basically come at me and yell at me for not taking them and then acting like I got angry because I didn't take those medications because "I can tell that you're off them", and third off, if Brian really wanted to talk about my medications so that he can speak with his doctor about it, he should talk with me directly so that he can know first hand how it works and what the side effects are, he doesn't need to have my dad (who has no knowledge about mental health medications whatsoever) come and ask invasive questions about my medications and risk spreading harmful misinformation that's gonna get him killed.

Let's just say I'm probably gonna have him talk to my therapist on my behalf so that he actually, yknow, LEARNS NOT TO BE A FUCKING DICK TO THE PEOPLE AROUND HIM??

[genericpuff]

hot take ahead but

(tw: mental health, abuse)

when people take my empathy for Minthe and twist it into "WELL YOU'RE JUST EXCUSING HER ABUSIVE BEHAVIOR BECAUSE SHE'S MENTALLY ILL! BEING MENTALLY ILL ISN'T AN EXCUSE FOR ABUSE! SHE'S AN ABUSER, I'LL ALWAYS SIDE WITH THE VICTIM!" as if the victim of the slap wasn't a guy who was just as if not more abusive than she was in that relationship in his own fucked up way

really boils my piss ngl

literally nowhere is anyone saying minthe wasn't abusive when she slapped hades, or that hades deserved to be slapped or compared to Kronos in that scene

but why is it abuse when she does it but not abuse when hecate slapped hades

or when hades rips out a reporter's eyeball

or when persephone verbally attacks a bank worker

or when hera turns a satyr into a duck

or when persephone turns a nymph into a plant

like no shit having mental health struggles isn't an excuse for abuse but we seem to throw it out entirely as a reason when the person with mental health struggles isn't "pretty" enough or when they're not the main character. it's such a symptom of people being an ally for mental health until the symptoms aren't pretty and cute anymore.

flat out, if we're gonna say minthe is an abuser, that means we have to also acknowledge that hades and persephone and hecate and hera and pretty much every other celebrated character in this shitshow of a comic is also abusive. and if you see any of those names and feel yourself ready to go "WELL UM NO ACTUALLY, THEY HAD REASONS AND THEY CAN STILL GROW!!!" then we should be reasonable and also give Minthe the benefit of the doubt for her reasons and want to see her grow.

That's why people empathize with Minthe. It has literally nothing to do with "excusing abuse" and everything to do with the fanbase applying consequences to those they want to see suffer.

[ninelivesastrology]

tw: abuse, SA

I also remember when the abuse escalated during the last year I was around him, I felt like he had studied how to abuse someone and was pulling out damn near every tactic. I feel some type of way about abuse tactics being described online because while it helps victims identify what is happening, it also arms abusers.

And it just brings me back to his obsession with MK Ultra

Like I will never forget how he tried to coerce me into taking "LSD" just days after my grandma passed away. I've never been pressured so hard in regards to taking a drug and it's just now that I'm realizing he was trying to replicate MK Ultra, which sounds fucking crazy because it is crazy.

Even reading the bit about forced addiction makes my skin crawl because that's absolutely why he latched onto my child's father's egg donor. I know she told him all about her process into grooming someone to be an addict and how she got away with it for over a decade while lying to the rest of her family about my child's father. They're both fucked up.

I remembered I started watching the United States of Tara and my abuser joined in and if you don't know, that's the show in which a woman has dissociative identity disorder because of [spoiler] and it's really comedic, but then it gets so dark that I absolutely wouldn't rewatch it again. My abuser is obsessed with mental illnesses that would be viewed as discrediting, so anything beyond regular depression and anxiety and it's so he can torture them, blame it on whatever mental illness he projects onto them, then get away with what he does because no one believes them.

And he indulges in this shit, fictional or not and replicates it. That's why it's so telling how he'll get close to victims of CSA/SA because he's not just getting off on the sexual transgression, he's realizing all he has to do is the same sexual act to you and you won't or can't report it.

And he will replicate the same exact sexual act. And then say you're lying on him because you said the same thing happened to you before with a different rapist when he was emulating and mirroring that person.

Him being obsessed with pimps and the movie Taxi Driver with an underage "sex worker" and he's been like grooming a girl who allegedly looks like me since she was 16 and then she's so groomed and probably drugged out of her mind 90% of the time that she lied for him and says that shit was planted on his computer.

There are days where I wake up and I feel like I was in a relationship with a sociopath. And I'm lucky to have fucking left with my child's father after my abuser bought that gun because I have no idea who he was emulating over that.

[the-bloody-sadist]

Do you mind if I ask you some random thing? I used to love shounen and shoujo manga equally....But ever since I found BL manga 3 years ago, my interest in shoujosei (especially het romance) decrese a lot, and what I search for is just the dynamic between mc (male) and male lead...I don't want to read mc (female) and male lead or mc (male) and female lead...And what I want to read mostly are just mlm or wlw stories....

What do you think is happening to me? Is it really weird?

Ooooooooo I LOVE YOU FOR ASKING ME THIS QUESTION!! THAT'S SO FASCINATING! THANK YOU FOR CHOOSING ME! If my friends know anything about me it's that I LOVE to psychoanalyze, so let's see what I can do here *cracks every knuckle*---

I'll preface by saying I have NOT read any het romance in the MANGA world at least--or otherwise japanese/chinese/korean sources--but did grow up only reading/watching/writing that and thinking I hated romance in general because it was so fucking boring LMAO. If I can compare any het media to non-American BL media, I would have to say anime is my only reference!

With that said, I came through the same arc you did. I tried het romance my whole life, suddenly fell upon BL, said WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS AND WHY IS IT SO GOOD COMPARED TO THE SHIT I'VE BEEN READING, never went back to het romance, and now do BL in all shapes and forms full-time.

What seems to be the big factor in BL/yaoi being so much more enjoyable is that there's an inherent difference in the dynamic of male/male vs. male/female--as portrayed by media, at least. And there's just something about that dynamic that makes it more gripping. It's easier to feel that line of tension between the characters, not to mention the fact that most male/male couples' conflict is far more relatable than the ones I see in female/male. In het media, I tend to see incredibly petty choices of conflict, whereas a LOT of BL chooses trauma, mental illness, and sometimes the acceptance of being gay as the reasons the couples struggle.

I identify far more with those issues than I do with the more stupid conflicts I see in het media like "HE'S WITH ANOTHER GIRL WHATEVER SHALL I DO!" (and it's just his sister) or "HOW DO I KNOW IF I ACTUALLY LIKE HIM? MAYBE I DON'T! LET ME THROW HIM FOR LOOPS AND GO BACK AND FORTH!" and other common, annoying tropes. Especially the jealousy and love triangles. BL does some love triangles, but it's just less...petty? There are usually more founded issues for the conflict that comes from those situations.

I say this with hesitation, but I also feel that BL/yaoi tends to have more creative and unseen concepts than het media. Actually--erase that hesitation. I believe that wholeheartedly. They tend to choose traumatic situations more often than het media--and this is the important part--THEY PORTRAY THEM IN A MORE REALISTIC MANNER.

This doesn't go for all BL because of course it doesn't. An entire genre of different writers--many good and many bad--can never have a singular good trait shared between all of them. But the majority of BL that I've read that include scenes of rape, child abuse, or sex trafficking keeps some sense of terror and gravity to the situation. That's something I tend to see less of in het media. Instead, things often feel more exploitative or voyeuristic. Suffering as a spectacle, as they say. However, it may just have something to do with the female gender being the victim, which we've all seen countless times in all shapes and forms. It feels fresh and new to see a male character going through those issues, instead.

On that topic, I would add that the main audience for romance as a whole has always been dominated by women, so women are more likely to be the consumers of both het and queer romance. When it comes to yaoi, the automatic power balance of male/female is gone, leaving only male/male and opening the option for different ways to imbalance that power--automatically feeling more creative and new than the age old female-victim-male-aggressor-but-he's-kinda-hot trope. In addition to this, so many het romances have unapologetic portrayals of romanticized abuse (The Notebook, 50 Shades of Grey, Blade Runner [speaking to the romance PLOT, sorry, more obscure], the After series, The Kissing Booth, and so on) that never get brought up, never seem to affect the female lead negatively, and always get the couple together in the end. This is endlessly infuriating to me and I've never enjoyed the popular het romances for this reason. It feels like gaslighting--gaslighting of the audience--to see harsh moments of outright abuse and then see the female lead react as if it's sexy, and to feel nothing but gut-freezing disgust as a viewer. It's even more painful when the audience around you also reacts in that way because they're so used to seeing it in your everyday het romance.

Contrasting this with yaoi/BL media--this issue is completely flipped. Countless stories show abuse, address the abuse, portray the male lead suffering from the effects of that abuse, and proceed with a motivation to fix, endure, or to run away from that abuse. To claim that yaoi/BL has less romanticization of said abuse is not wholly true, but the problem for me has always been that het romance PRETENDED THE ABUSE DID NOT EXIST AND/OR IS SEXY AND NORMAL. Whereas yaoi seemed more self-aware that they were writing abuse, and--if they chose to romanticize it--more often did so because the abuse was being experienced through the eyes of the victim. This is important because victims of abuse in reality DO this to cope and survive, so the romanticization is a direct result of a trauma response, and it's made far more clear in yaoi that this is the case.

This is why the kidnapping, Stockholm syndrome romances (Killing Stalking at the top), and toxic relationship themes in BL are far more attractive and validating to read.

Say, for instance, the romances that include themes of kidnapping, sexual assault, and captivity in het media. What have we got for that that's good and actually explores the nature of abuse? What I tend to see that meets that criteria (possibly) isn't really included in the romance category at all--it's either listed as horror or it's a lightened romcom version of that event (kidnapping, specifically)--unless you think of the more popular ones like 365 Days where it's supposed to be sexy and everyone has no brain. I might be flimsy on my point here, since this is the first time I've tried to pick apart this subject, so I apologize. But in addition to these het romances with the themes that I'd like to see not really existing in a way that's been done WELL--I also personally can't watch a woman getting hurt the way I can watch a man getting hurt.

We've seen enough women suffering onscreen, and most of the times the way it gets filmed ends up feeling sexualized in some way--especially if it's a horror movie or a thriller romance. I personally don't enjoy the lack of emotional depth in these types--and clearly they're most often written to be sexy or shock horror more than serious. Trauma doesn't feel real in these stories, so it's intensely triggering to watch it happen onscreen without a resolution to that trauma.

Going back to yaoi/BL, their romances include and very often feature abusive relationships or straight-up hostage romances. But the way they're handled is the big difference. Even though some treat the abuse like sexy porn scenes and I find myself dropping them for the same triggers that set me off in het media, this is much less of a problem, and you can get your thrills without the invalidation of watching trauma happen without being treated like trauma. There's often an arc of learning for the abuser, the relationship healing/improving (and I don't care that it's not morally correct or realistic for this to happen because it's fiction and we all need our coping mechanisms for reality), and a satisfying end where both the characters learn how to love each other. In their own way.

This makes the trauma feel raw and the healing feel rewarding, which is what I come to see. It feels like more BL writers get this and have actually been through some shit.

Lastly, it's not weird that you feel this way, and I'm worried that the discourse on social media about people who exclusively enjoy yaoi/BL has influenced that belief in a lot of people. It shouldn't be that way, and I hope people come around to the actual logic instead of copy-pasting what everyone else says to fit in!

IN ANY CASE, I HAVE RAMBLED FAR TOO LONG ON PRETTY MUCH THE SAME POINT, BUT I HOPE THIS HELPED!! That's the main difference that I'm drawn to yaoi for and I hope it might have helped you see why you are, too!!

Much love to you, and again, thank you SO MUCH FOR ASKING ME THIS QUESTION!! I loved getting to answer that.

[0rinthered]

I am so passionate about Orin, like no it isn't fair she doesn't ever get the chance and Durge doesn't help her or care after the fact. Ironically what Orin did saved everyone and got Durge freedom if they chose it. The fact that all you can really do is insult her or call her stupid besides the "you've been abused and used option" which is a high roll to even convince her is so sad. I don't like mocking her knowing the whole context and why she's doing what she is. It's not a choice really. It feels wrong to me. She's a victim of so much abuse and grooming from all these awful men. I mean Saravok is a creepy ass misogynist who r worded Orin's sister/mom and people mock her about that in way that's really messed up.

The only person who even seems to show a bit of empathy or at least understanding of her is Minthara when she is a big victim of her. Orin punishes people because she's punished by Bhaal, I saw people post the dev notes the tragic context they should have made clear in the game. That she would have even tried to resist Bhaal before and when she did she got killed for it. In a fucked up way Minthara is the closest thing to showing her "love" or at least care, like I know it's not love but just someone like not being horrible to her or looking down on her for existing. She even says they had similar situations and upbringings so you save her that kind of fate. She said she saw herself reflected in Orin broken too. Sad about all the content they didn't give us because I know they said they wanted more Orin/Minthara stuff but I think ti deserved more than a few lines.

Orin's father is literally a child r*pist and apparently has a line where he says he likes her the same way he does her mom? LIKE WTF? and wants her to make babies with durge? I don't know if it is confirmed if he assaulted her or not but he obviously would if he wanted. He shows a lot of hate like he didn't effect what happened if he's mad about what Orin did to Durge. Felt so horrible killing her in the scene after you tell her the truth because she's totally a slave in body then too. It broke my heart. I don't like that they didn't make her background more of the forefront and just let people see her as this crazy one unless you think about her or find tidbits. She felt like a throwaway to me when she's so tragic and she's just mocked and hated by everyone. I hate abused children/women being painted as "crazy psychos" to make fun of. She's severely mentally ill. Ketheric is not a more sympathetic character, he chose to do all he did. Gortash is given more dignity and choice than her. I think Ketheric and his performance are overrated honestly, he just got more screentime and got to be more fleshed out so they say he's better. That's why people go "orin is just an unhinged boring murderhobo" SHE AND AZULA DESERVED SO MUCH BETTER

Yeah it's pretty frustrating - a lot is implied with her but man you really have to look for it, which a lot of people don't bother to do. Orin in my opinion is the most interesting of the three.

I know the general opinion seems to sway to Ketheric, and I really like him, but I think it's pretty ah... shallow? For lack of a better word. Maybe surface level? Like it's very straight forward in my opinion, which doesn't mean it's any less than Orin or Gortash but I think it's easier to absorb if that makes sense?

Whereas with both Orin and Gortash you really need to sniff around, Orin especially. Minthara is the companion she is attached to, as Gortash is Karlach (While it seems like the only connection Ketheric has to the camp is Shadowheart, but that's through Dame Aylin and Isobel strangely enough. Someone correct me if I'm wrong. But he has an entire act to himself so...). But with Minthara, she is so so so easy to miss and thoughtlessly slaughter (ironically enough) so that's a whole bunch of Orin content absolutely nuked off of the bat.

So I suppose the bizarre pacing is to blame for Orin and Gortash kinda farting around, and Orin not being treated fairly compared to how the fandom treats durge. Again, quite "fitting" I guess. Orin doesn't get that privilege of pity and a chance at life whereas Durge gets two chances. The first being actually having a life outside of the temple, and the second being the tadpole. Why? Idk.

I don't even want a redemption for Orin. I think the choice should be there, and I think the choice should be made by her. Only her.

My ideal world would be Orin can escape, stay (what we currently have), or escape in her own little Orin way. To elaborate on that... I think Orin should be able to continue slaughtering people, but I think she should do it for herself. Not for Bhaal, not for the temple. But because SHE wants to. I do however think the ""novelty"" of that for her would vanish pretty quickly once there's no unholy purpose to it, but that's just part of the growth I guess. So she rejects Bhaal, and skitters away into the shadows. She isn't going to have a character arc in like a week and dye her hair white - despite Shadowheart and Orin's similarities - I unfortunately think it'll take a lot lot lot longer and might never happen.

Still, the main point is that she has a choice, something she has been devoid of her entire life. What she chooses to do with that is up to her and that's the beauty of it.

I could go on and on and on about it and how she should actually be given lots of choices but that would just be me rambling even more than I already am LMFAO

Anyway, Orin I love you pookie boobookeys, remember that there's more to life than pleasing someone who never seems to want to please you.

[uncloseted]

I’m all for chappel standing up for herself and not letting anyone walk all over her, but her whole attitude toward fame really just irks me lmfao. Her saying “This fame crap.” At the VMAS and “I don’t want to win a grammy.” just feels so ungrateful to me and tbh a bit bitchy (I know that was an old statement but still). I get being overwhelmed by bad interactions, and she has EVERY right to be, but jesus christ why complain about the career you are actively pursuing on a red carpet? Like girl if you REALLY don’t care that much let someone else do it who WANTS to? I know she blew up overnight. I know she’s probably very overwhelmed but fuck, her whole attitude is like a high schooler trying to pretend she’s too good for everything. It’s off putting and leaves a bad taste in my mouth.

So I think a number of things can be true at the same time. She's right and she should say it, but the way she's going about it probably isn't the most strategic move she could be making in terms of her public image, and at the same time, there's no such thing as a perfect victim, so I don't think there's any way she could have asserted herself that would have been universally applauded.

As I've said on here before (here and here), I do think that fundamentally, Chappell is right. Especially in countries that have deeply ingrained stan cultures, as the US does, the relationship between celebrities and the public is kind of abusive. We’re putting these celebrities in gilded cages and expecting them to dance on command, as if they’re objects instead of people. Chappell should have the right to be an artist without being harassed every time she goes out in public and without her friends and family being stalked. I think it's really weird that we act like this treatment is acceptable for artists when it would be totally unacceptable to do to like, the barista at your coffee shop. I think she has a right to pursue professional opportunities (award shows, interviews) without also agreeing to interactions with fans in non-professional contexts, when she's not "on the clock". I don't think that's inherently contradictory. It's reasonable for her to want a work-life balance, especially since she's someone who is playing a character when on stage. I also want to point out that we don't know how much control she actually has over these public appearances. Her label may have committed her to interviews and award shows without asking her permission, or there may be a reason why she couldn't pull out of those obligations even if she wanted to.

That said, from a PR perspective, I think she should have stopped while she was ahead. Instead of posting raw TikTok videos and then continuing to double down, it probably would have been more strategic for her to work with her team to craft one single statement, and then to reiterate those same points whenever the topic comes up in an interview or other public space. The way that she's been talking about it seems like it's eroding the good will she has with the public, and, as you say, the narrative is starting to become that she's bitchy and ungrateful. I think her team should be doing a better job managing her public image and guiding her in the right direction, since they're the professionals and she's really new at this.

But that said, Chappell is an introverted 26 year old girl who struggles with bipolar disorder and only blew up five months ago. Of course she's struggling with this. Touring is grueling even for people who are really mentally healthy. It's overwhelming and exhausting and all of your routines get upended. There's an interview where she says that, "this industry and artistry fucking thrive on mental illness, burnout, overworking yourself, overextending yourself, not sleeping. You get bigger the more unhealthy you are. Isn’t that so fucked up?”, and I think that's really true. And so for people who struggle with a mental illness, touring is that much harder, and can really exacerbate their symptoms.

Plus, for someone like Chappell, who describes herself as very introverted, I think touring must be especially hard because you're essentially with your coworkers all day, every day. There's this one Vanity Fair interview that she did before Rise and Fall of A Midwest Princess came out where she says that, "I found it to be pretty exhausting just interacting with so many people a night. Not anything they did wrong, but my soul was just so overwhelmed. Shows really take it out of you. It's a really emotional rollercoaster being on tour, so it's hard to play the character [of Chappell Roan] all the time." She also says that, "finally I found a place that I feel good about my meds. I'm in therapy. I really try to like, take care of myself. But, oh my god, it's so hard with this job because there's no checking out. There's no clocking in and out. I worked at a doughnut shop for a long time and I loved it because I would just leave work and I would just go watch TV and it was great. But I feel like this is just really hard to take a step away from, especially on tour."

In that context, where she's gone from being virtually unknown to not being able to go out in public without being recognized, where she, her family, and her friends are being stalked, where lots of people have an opinion on her as a publicly queer woman, where she's been touring for months on end, where she's maybe not able to take care of her mental health as well as she could at home, I think it makes a lot of sense that she's in a place of being burnt out and not quite knowing how to handle it.

To me, it seems like she's going through a very human emotion of wanting to set boundaries but not wanting to lose the fans and support she has and not knowing how to find that balance. I think especially for someone who (from what she's said) has felt ostracized and different her entire life, the idea of losing the huge amount of appreciation and support she now has is probably terrifying. She's said that this project is about "honouring the childhood I never got" and so I think it makes sense that she's both fiercely protective of it and not ready to let it go.

I've also seen a lot of people say that she should just cancel all further appearances and disappear from the spotlight for a while, but I don't actually know if she can do that. She's not really in a position like Lorde or Enya where she could just go home and everyone would treat her the way they used to. She's from a small town in Missouri where everyone knows her and I imagine, a lot of people have negative opinions about her, and now she lives in LA where everyone knows who she is. I think she would have to start over somewhere totally new, in the middle of nowhere, with no queer community and away from her family and friends. I get why she might feel like that's not really an option.

I think ultimately what she wants is for people to view "Chappell" and "Kayleigh" as two totally different entities, where Chappell is a celebrity but Kayleigh isn't. And I think that's a totally fair thing to want, especially because Chappell is a very easily identifiable character, so it's easy to know when she's "at work" and when she's "off the clock". I think it's super reasonable for her to want to do the things she loves to do- make music, perform, play the character of Chappell on stage- while also having a private life. I think she does really want this career as a pop star. But I don't think she wants the career of "celebrity" and I don't think she's actively trying to pursue that (beyond what her label is obligating her to do).

The last thing I want to say is that I think, as is typical for the internet, a lot of her statements are being taken out of context. For example, the Grammy's thing she said was, "my mom would love to go to the Grammys or the Brits... but I’m kind of hoping I don’t win, because then everyone will get off my ass: ​‘See guys, we did it and we didn’t win, bye’! I won’t have to do this again!” I think what she's talking about is the process of campaigning for a Grammy. Those awards don't just go to the artists who are the "best" in some kind of objective way. Labels campaign hard for those awards, which means that their artists also have to campaign hard for the award, whether that's something they really want to do or not. So I think she's saying "if I lose, we won't have to do the campaigning for this award the next time I put an album out," not "I don't appreciate the recognition and appreciation I'm getting." In general, I would really recommend reading that entire interview, because it gives good insight into where her thinking is right now, where she is emotionally, and what these interactions that she's talking about are actually like.

I'm sure I'm forgetting something I wanted to say about this, but I guess all I'm really trying to say is that I think Chappell (and all celebrities) are put in a really difficult situation, and I don't blame her for not being able to handle it perfectly. I think her team should be doing more to shield her from some of this and to protect her image so that she doesn't have to deal with people hating her on top of dealing with the people who love her too much.

[youremyheaven]

Hey! I did wanna chime in about Bella as well (I’m certainly biased because 1. i’m kinda simple and 2. She definitely one of my favorite models out of the unearned successes of this day and age). I think she is most likely a victim of her mother’s abuse and manipulation above anything. I could also be manipulated by her but she was definitely psychologically and mentally abused by her mother and is still attached to her to this day seeking her “love”. I don’t think Bella is like an ariana grande or meghan markle; as someone else said lunar natives can be total victims of manipulation and Bella seems to be mire in that boat imo, especially when she is also a Venusian. I personally can just read it on her face she is being fully sincere; and her mother is genuinely a sick, evil person forcing her daughters to be tools to live vicariously through as models.

Yolanda is not a loving mother at all and favors Gigi because she looks more like herself, Bella has been open about her mother’s mistreatment of her and it is genuinely the root of her problems and troubles. I think that maybe you might not have known what a horrible person yolanda is but she doesn’t deserve either of her children; it’s common knowledge in the U.S. that Bella is a victim of her fucking monstrous, selfish, narcissistic mother and Gigi was simply lucky because she was her mother’s favorite. I don’t doubt that you’re correct on the fake illness but Bella Hadid is not like the others, although I could be wrong as well, but nothing about her is malignant except for her potential deception. Moon natives that are manipulative in the way you’ve described before have a personal gain and are just cold in the face from my observation. They are not that good of actors because they are so selfish and unempathetic (ariana has a babyface and an evil ass spirit and meghan markle is the devil crying about how she keeps creating her own hell) and Bella is the exact opposite. I don’t disagree that Bella needs to have more boundaries (she posts herself crying and sick and in all these painful situations) but I don’t think it’s a manipulation tactic, she is an unequivocal victim of child abuse and undoubtedly current abuse. The only manipulation she might be consciously doing js just trying to get the sympathy and care she has never gotten from a narcissistic mother—AND victims of narcissists pick up the tactics of their abusers if they never get free of those kinds if people. I don’t doubt your theory at all though, the documents are pretty damning but it’s not out of the evil of bella’s heart—she’s one of the only celebrities in the U.S. who has always been unequivocally pro-palestine as a palestinian herself and her character has been nothing but genuine save for the standard model lies about what actually is eaten and “I just had a good workout routine”, Bella has abused herself from the abuse she has suffered from those around her and if you’re still skeptical you can look it up online. It’s actually very sad and depressing.

Yolanda Hadid is a horrible woman. The vitriol should undoubtedly be directed to yolanda, just look up some vids and you’ll see 🤬. I hate that bitch as much as I hate some world leaders. She deserves the worst for what she did/does to her daughters and Gigi luckily did not suffer as much as Bella did, and Bella will keep looking so sad and sick as long as she still values her mother’s “love”. I don’t doubt she’s lying but she doesn’t deserve any hate at all really. She’s a victim not a villain. I notice a lot of moon women have toxic and manipulative mothers, actually. My best friend and my own mother have had horrible relationships with mothers than had no boundaries and wanted complete control of their children. I just wanted to send in the ask because I feel the gun should be rightly loaded and shot but it’s pointed at the wrong target. Yolanda the Mercurial is the problem here, not Lunar Bella.

I am pretty sure I mentioned in my post that I think Bella fully believes that she has whatever she has and I also mentioned in the same post that Moon dominants are easily susceptible to manipulation as they are manipulative. I also criticised Yolanda?? And I also mentioned that Bella & Yolanda probably use their shared Lyme disease as some kind of bonding activity bc it's probably the only time Bella feels like Yolanda cares about her or whatever (which is very sad) so I don't know what you're pointing out that I haven't already mentioned in my post???

I completely understand Bella being a victim of a horribly abusive mother but I also definitely think Bella also loves to be seen as sick and suffering, which given the long history of Yolanda perhaps validating and encouraging that type of behaviour, could make sense.

I have mentioned several times in many asks that I answered about it that I like Bella and just wish she could get actual help so no I don't think she's evil???

Edit: I'm rethinking things and perhaps I've been too harsh on Bella and underestimated the impact of psychological abuse 😮‍💨🥲