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i-cant-sing · 4 years ago

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Yandere Rei Hurting Reader Pt2

Yes yes. Its out now. I won't delete this one. Enjoy!

Part 1 is here. Part 3 here.

Check out my MASTERLIST for more!

Yandere Todoroki Clan:

It had been so awful at first. So hard for everyone to adjust to the new change. Of course, it was especially difficult for you to adapt to the new circumstances.

When you had first woken up after the unfortunate incident, approximately 3 days later, you didn't expect to be home so soon. You expected- you hoped that you would wake up in the hospital and have them call the authorities. Then again, you also didn't expect never being able to use your eyes again.

Shotou was the first one to notice when you had woken up from your coma. He hadn't left your side since the accident. He jumped from his seat beside you and held the glass of water to your lips when you tried to speak. The family came rushing in when he called for them, announcing that you had woken up. You could hear Fuyumi and her crying tears of joy as Natsuo came to check your vitals. You knew your eyes were bandaged, which was expected because of the hot oil that was poured on them, but when you asked Natsuo when they were coming off, he went silent. Your heart sank when he told you what had happened, how your eyes were fucking fried to the point that the arteries supplying them were also destroyed, which meant they couldn't be replaced, ever.

You screamed a lot that day; you would've cried but you didn't have any tear ducts. You didn't let anyone touch you at first, especially Rei. You would scream, throw yourself away from her if you felt her come near you. Eventually, Natsuo put some sort of tranquilliser into your IV, finally calming you down.

Being blind was hard, you knew that. But you didn't know that it would also be this humiliating. After the accident, they had starting infantalizing you even more, doing the most miniscule things for you.

Shotou would be the first person who greeted you in the morning and usually the last person to put you to bed at night. He would carry you around everywhere you go, telling you its simply unsafe for you to walk on your own. Sure you bumped into the furniture a few times and it was a bit hard maintaining your balance, but that didn't mean you needed him to carry you around everywhere. You had asked him to get you a cane, but he only said "why do you need a stick when you have me? Just tell me where you want to go".

Each morning, Shotou would take you down the stairs to the toilet and more often than not, have Fuyumi come and help you, even for brushing your teeth. Then he would take you to the dining table where everyone is waiting for you. Fuyumi would give your breakfast to Shotou, who would cut it up and feed you. Once you're done eating, you would wait for Shotou to finish his food. During breakfast, everyone would make small talk while you remained quiet. After everyone's finished eating, Fuyumi and Rei would take dishes to sink. You would've helped, but everyone's pretty much forbidden you from entering the kitchen.

Shotou would then carry you either to his room or the living room, where he would turn on the TV and tell you what's happening. But since this always makes you remember how you don't have eyes, he would usually just read you some book. Somehow, they're always about princesses and fairytales. You were getting sick of hearing them.

Fuyumi would later come and fetch you, and take you to your bath. While you would be cleaning yourself, after politely declining help from Fuyumi each time, she would be out preparing your clothes for the day. She would explain to you what you're wearing and how you look, and how she's going to style your hair. As if any of these things mattered to you. But even if they did, its not like you'd have a say in anything.

You still remember the first time you were taking a bath, after finally convincing Fuyumi to let you have the "luxury" to clean yourself up. You finally had some time for yourself, alone and away from the rest of the house. You sank in the warm water in the tub, allowing yourself to relax. The privacy was comforting, but not long lasting, as you felt cold hands touch your shoulders. In an instant, you jumped away screaming. "GET AWAY FROM ME! GET AWAY! GET AWAY!" Rei tried coming closer to you but you kept on screeching at the top of your lungs, alerting the whole house. "FUYUMI! SHOTOU! GET HER AWAY! SHOTOU GET HER AWAY!" At that point you didn't even care if they saw you nude, they just need to save you from her. The siblings rushed to the bathroom and upon seeing your huddled form in the corner and their mother sobbing, Fuyumi hastily covered you with a towel while Shotou took Rei out of there.

Shotou tried to make you understand that Rei was just trying to help you. That she just missed you and wanted to take care of you. He was basically telling you not to be afraid of her, and that your trauma is not valid. You stopped talking to him after that, only spoke when absolutely necessary.

Natsuo would pick you up after your bath while Fuyumi went to make lunch. He would check your eyes (or lack there of), put on some ointments and replace the bandages with fresh ones. Fuyumi would come with your lunch and after she'd fed you, Natsuo would give you your medicine. They always make you sleepy, so you'd be put down for a nap.

Dabi wasn't always around, but when he was, he was still the asshole he was before. He would move your things to different places, or place stuff in your way so that'd you'd trip (he always caught you before you face planted), all so that you would ask him for help he could get a rise out of you. But you would just sigh and move on.

Enji liked to take you to the garden and read you books and newspapers. It was alright you guess, but you wanted to do something yourself, especially since they still didn't take you out of the house. You had asked him for a Braille, but he only replied "You don't need to stress yourself with that. I'll always be there to read you whatever you want."

If Enji's running late, then Shotou would take you to the swings in the garden, pushing you as he tells what happened at school or with friends. After dinner, you’d be forced to spend some more time with your siblings, before you’d be tucked into bed.

That has been the routine for the past 6 months since your accident. And the family really felt like everything was returning to normal. It was, for them. This is how they always wanted things to happen: you, locked up in the house while they stripped you of all autonomy and infantalized you to the point where it was harming you, both physically and mentally. Your body was growing weak, your muscles got easily fatigued from their lack of use. And the pills Natsuo gave you didn't really help the case. They made you sleepy, and you think they even caused hallucinations since you felt like someone was in your room or someone was playing with your hair.

Even though you were stuck at home all day, you still never talked to Rei. Well she tried, but you would be the one to always flinch away. She wouldn't address herself when she entered your room, but you would still feel her lurking around the corners. And why should you acknowledge her? Especially after what she's done?

Enji wasnt ignorant of your condition. He could see how quiet you had gotten, and how scared you were of Rei. He was getting worried for you. What were you thinking about? Enji knew if he didn't talk to you, things will get worse.

You were sitting by the lounge window with Fuyumi who was telling you about her day. Fuyumi greeted him when he came in the room. "Hey, dad!" Enji nodded. "Fuyumi, would you leave us? I'd like to talk to Y/n." Fuyumi nodded, pressing a kiss to your forehead before she left the room, only Enji noticing how you stiffened at her affection. He sat beside you and cleared his throat. "How are you?" "Fine. You?"you softly asked. "I'm good, too. I wanted to talk to you about something. About...your mom." "My mom's dead." Enji cleared his throat. "I meant Rei." "Oh. What about her?" "Why haven't you been talking to her?" You remained silent. “What happened was an accident-” “It wasnt an accident. An accident is spilling milk. Not pouring hot oil in someone’s eyes.” Enji knew this was coming.“She didn’t do it on purpose-” You cut him off again. “She did! She knew exactly what she was doing.” “Why would she do that?” “I don’t know. She hates me or something.” Enji grabbed your hand gently. “You know that's not true. Rei loves you very much and she cares about you a lot.” You didn't say anything. “Do you remember the day you came to our house?” You nodded. “Yeah. It was a few days after my parents funeral.” “Yes. And do you remember what Rei said to you?” You stiffened before nodding again. “She said that she may not be my real mother, but she’ll love me more than anyone ever has and ever will. Always.” “Yes. And has she not? Has she not loved you more than anyone?” You nodded slowly as Enji continued. “Between you and me, she’s always favoured you among all of your siblings.” You smiled at that. “So, are you willing to give your mother a chance?” You paused for a few minutes. “I- I cant.” Enji sighed. “Look. I know you’re scared. I understand. I know you want to blame Rei for what happened, but believe me when I tell you it wasn't her fault. It was an accident.” You shook your head. “And what if another “accident” like that happens again? And what if I dont survive this time? And what if-” Your voice broke down. Enji pulled you into his lap. “It won't. I promise. And if something like that does occur, I’ll be there to stop it.” Enji pressed a kiss to your hair. “I’ll save you. I promise.”

With Enji's persuasion, you had started mending your relationship with Rei again. Sure, you still flinched when she touched you and you were still hesitant to initiate conversations with her, but none of that bothered Rei. You were trusting her again, and she was more than happy to do more on her part to make you comfortable.

And you won't lie, but life was better with Rei. She knew when Dabi or Shotou were becoming too overbearing, or when Natsuo was fussing over you for no reason. She was there to stop Fuyumi from chatting your ear away, and knew when to stop Enji from feeding you too many sweets.

And Enji could see that Rei was sorry for what she did. He saw how she would often massage ointments on your face, her fingers barely tracing the charred area around your eyes before pulling away quickly. And other times, like today, as he stood by your bedroom door, he saw how gentle she was with you as she tucked you into your bed. He kissed his wife once she had left your room. "How are my girls doing?" Enji asked Rei in a hushed voice, not wanting to wake you up. Rei smiled. "Good." They slowly started walking back to their room. "Shes an angel, Enji. So sweet." Enji hummed in agreement. "Can I tell you something?" Enji stopped and turned to face his wife. He raised an eyebrow. "I'm kind of glad what happened...to her." Rei was smiling. "She's so much better like this. So docile now. I...I don't regret what I did, you know?" Enji's blood ran cold. "Rei... dont tell me- you didn't do that on purpose, did you?" Rei nodded, a bit too eagerly. "I know, I know. It wasn't ethical. And if I could, I would've taken away her pain in a heartbeat. But you must agree that its much better now, right?" Enji couldn't believe what Rei was confessing. "I mean, look at her now. She doesn't even try running away. She knows- she feels safer with us, inside." Rei sighed, running a hand through her hair. "I thought that maybe it wouldn't come to this. I thought that after Touya took care of her parents, she'd be a bit more scared to be outside on her own. That's why we told her they died in a car crash." Rei rested her cheek on his chest. "It scares me what I'm willing to do for her, Enji." Enji knew Dabi had something to do with what happened to your parents, but knowing Rei had a hand in it too, or more precisely, she was the one who told Touya to get rid of them. Enji didn't know what to do with this new side of his wife. But he did know he had to keep her hidden from you, so he ushered his wife to their bedroom, not knowing you had already heard them.

You had realised a couple of things that night. One, Rei and Dabi had murdered your parents. Two, Rei pouring the hot oil in your eyes wasn't some sort of psychotic episode. Three, Enji and the others were going to take Rei's side, no matter what.

A few weeks later, your birthday came around. The siblings had left the house to get some things for your birthday party, leaving you in the care of their parents. Rei was in the kitchen cooking up a whole feast for you, while you sat beside Enji in the lounge as he read the newspaper. Enji had already given you your present. It was giant teddy bear with chocolates from Belgium. They were utterly delicious. When you stood up, he asked you where you were going. You pointed at the box of chocolates in your hand. "I'm going to share them with, mom. Unless, thats not okay?"you asked meekly. Enji still wasn't all that comfortable with letting you and Rei be alone, especially after her confession. But... if he doesn't let you go to her alone, you'll always be afraid of her. And its not like Rei will hurt you again, right? Besides, the kitchen is just down the hallway. He's sure nothing will happen. He nodded. "Okay. Should I walk you there?" "No. Its down the hall. I think I'll be fine on my own." Enji then allowed you to go, telling you to call for him if you need anything.

Rei was chopping up some vegetables when she heard your footsteps. She turned around to find you standing just outside the kitchen. "Hey, angel! What are you doing here?" You remained outside the kitchen as you spoke. "I wanted to share these chocolates dad got for me. W-would you like some?" Oh, you're so kind. Rei quickly wiped her hands on a kitchen towel before walking towards you and leading you to the dining room in front of the kitchen. She helped you sit down before taking a seat next to you. "You want me to have your chocolates? But didn't daddy gift them to you?" You bit your lip as you replied. "Well yes, but I- I wanted to share them with you so that I could- I wanted to thank you for taking care of me. And for loving me. I would've gotten you something else but I'm not allowed to go outside..."you mumbled the last sentence, but that didn't matter as Rei quickly hugged you. "Oh honey! You're so sweet!" Rei took a piece of chocolate from the box that you had extended towards her. "And these chocolates are so delicious! Daddy really loves to spoil you, doesnt he?" Rei pinched your cheek gently. You smiled. "I'm glad you liked them. Especially, after all you've done for me. You deserve them more than I do, honestly." Rei stopped at that. "Honey...what are you talking about?" You smiled. "What? Am I not saying the truth? You deserve these chocolates, and all the sweets and flowers and medals for being the best mother." You popped a chocolate into your mouth before continuing. "After all, the criteria is very high. You need to not only have the intent to kill for your child, but you also have to commit murder. Then kidnap your child and force her to bide to your rules. And if she misbehaves, you must punish her as well, right? Because good behaviour gets chocolate," You popped another chocolate into your mouth. "And bad behaviour gets your eyes fried."

Rei just stared at you in disbelief. H-how did you- you didn't hear them talking last night did you? Or did Dabi tell you? Rei stared at you as you ate another piece of chocolate. "I wonder after you've killed me, will you be given chocolates or flowers?" "D-darling, w-what are you saying? I would never hurt you!" You chuckled darkly. "No no. You've done it before and I know you'll do it again. After all, it scares you what you're willing to do for me." You caressed her cheeks, and when you felt her tears, you wiped them. "I'm not saying you have the intention to kill me. No, you'll just hurt me again, another little accident, but this time I won't survive. I just hope you'll bury me somewhere where there's a lot of fresh air, maybe on a hill with a view?" Rei finally broke down at that, falling to her knees as she clung to your legs. "Please! Y/n please forgive me! Please baby, I- I just wanted the best for you. I don't want you to die, I- I promise I'll never hurt you again! I'm sorry! I'm sorry. Please baby, I'll do anything. Just forgive me!" You sighed. "Anything? I don't think you mean that." Rei nodded her vigorously, tears falling everywhere. "I do! I do! Just tell me what to do!" You tapped your chin, pretending to think. "Bring a knife. A sharp one." Rei's eyes widened. "W-What?" "Well...its only right for you to be punished as well. To atone for your sins, right?" "O-okay." Rei went to the kitchen and brought a big knife with her. "Lock the door." She did as you told her. You extended your palm, waiting for her to place the knife. She did. You stood up, right in front of Rei. You told her to stand against a wall, and she followed. You played with the sharp end if the knife. "I want to hurt you. I want to hurt you so bad. I want you to feel the pain, the hell you've put me through." This is it, Rei thought, you're going to kill her. For some reason, she was okay with that. "I want you to know you failed. I want you to know you're a bad mother. A selfish, bad mother." Rei was full on sobbing now. "Look at me. I want you to remember this." And with that you raised the knife before stabbing yourself in the gut, two screams ripping through the manor. Rei shot towards you, her hands trying to pull the knife away. "What did you do?! What did you do?!" Rei was crying. Enji was banging on the locked door for a few seconds before he burned it down and the sight he was met with...was nothing short of a nightmare.

There you layed on the floor, blood sputtering from your mouth, your shirt stained with blood and Rei. Rei, who was hunched over your body, with a bloody knife in her hand, crying out "I'm sorry! I'm sorry!".

Enji rushed towards you, pushing Rei back roughly. You were coughing up blood, your head turned away from him until you felt him touch your face. "D-daddy..."you whimpered out before your breathing came to a stop.

"No. No." Enji quickly gathered your limp body in his arms, running out of the house towards a hospital. He kept on chanting "no", because he didn't want to believe that he failed to protect you.

That he failed to save his daughter, again.

I had 5 different endings in my mind and Idc if this isn't your preferred ending (the ending I had in my mind was something out of Quentin Tarantino's movie). I'm just glad to be done with it.

Anyways, exams are coming up and I'm not going to be posting a lot.

And ill be taking up your follow up questions/asks for this part! I'll also be answering godfather hawks asks now that this part is out.

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all-hail-the-witcher · 4 years ago

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cuddling

here is my contribution for ace week! im literally squeezing this in at the last possible second (as its 11:32pm on 10/31 as i start this) but better late than never i suppose!!

i dont often talk about my sexuality on this blog, but i do identify as ace and its not something ive ever been overly comfortable with. but seeing the plethora of ace week fics on my dash this past week (mostly by @jaskierswolf, hi, hope you dont mind being tagged) has been so awesome and has made me feel so much more comfortable in myself that i had to write something for this :)

this is some gray romantic/ace geralt with some ace jaskier. warnings for mentions of dubious consent/ not wanting to have sex but doing it anyway. there is no explicit sexual content but it is referenced.

___

Geralt was a Witcher. His entire livelihood consisted of him doing things for humans: killing monsters, bargaining with sorceresses, fighting wars, protecting them from pretty much anything that could hurt their fragile mortal selves. It had been trained into him ever since he was a child. Do what the humans ask of you. It is your job.

So why would sex be any different?

Humans enjoyed sex. This was something Geralt had come to learn during his time on the path. What was even worse was that some of them especially enjoyed having sex with Witchers.

Geralt did not enjoy sex. He was not a human, and it was decidedly a human activity. But that did not stop humans from wanting to have sex with him. Some sought him out specifically, wanting to know what it was like to lie with a Witcher for a night. Others insisted on paying him for his monster hunting duties with a round. He never took pleasure in it. Sometimes he would pretend he did. He had gotten quite good at pretending over the years, learning little tricks that humans seemed to like. But the act of it itself made his skin crawl for days on end and he could feel their fingers and lips long after the marks on his skin had faded.

But he worked for humans. He couldn't deny them what they asked of him.

He assumed Jaskier would be the same. The man was certainly human, so much so that he would flirt with grass if it came down to it (which, admittedly, Geralt had only witnessed once, and Jaskier had been very drunk at the time, but still). But he never tried to bed him, which surprised Geralt. He knew he was good, if the praises of the the people he'd laid with before were any indication Humans generally needed him for a favor and then left him to the wind. Jaskier hadn’t asked him to kill a monster or help him track down an unruly mage, and it had been years at least since they had first crossed paths. The only logical conclusion that Geralt could come to was that Jaskier was waiting for him to bed him and then he would leave, just like everyone else.

The problem was that Geralt had grown quite fond of Jaskier over the years (and his incessant flirting) and while he didn’t want the bard to leave, he also didnt want Jaskier to be miserable following him around anymore. Five years was quite a long time to wait for a round, especially in human years. Resignedly, Geralt told himself that in the next town he would lay with Jaskier and then the whole thing could be over, and they could both move on with their lives.

He rented a room with one bed, as they often did, despite there being enough coin for one with two. Jaksier hardly noticed, flouncing off to play a few sets for the locals while Geralt went upstairs to prepare.

He felt the characteristic tightening of his stomach and the shakiness that always came with this particular activity, but he stripped down obediently, even talking the time to rub some of the oils Jaskier liked to much into his hair before laying down on the bed to wait.

He didn’t have to wait long. “Geralt! You’ll never believe th- whoa, were you expecting someone?” He stood in the doorway awkwardly.

“Just you,” Geralt grunted. They should get this over with.

“Me? Geralt...did you think I wanted to have sex with you?”

“Well...” Geralt picked at the blanket, feeling foolish for having to explain himself, he thought that humans should understand these things. “Humans always need me for something. And you dont need a monster killed, so I figured....” “Oh dear heart,” Jaskier walked over and sat down on the bed next to him, running his fingers though his hair. “Please do not take this the wrong way, but I do not want to have sex with you.”

“You don’t?” Geralt was shocked. “But...humans....”

“Not all humans like sex Geralt. I certainly don’t. It makes me skin crawl and I feel all weird after. So I don’t do it. I’m still plenty romantic with people, but I dont get into bed with them.” “Hmm.” Jaskier didn’t like sex either? Maybe it wasn't a human thing after all.

“What it Geralt? That was your I’m-Contemplating-Something hum.”

“It...makes my skin crawl too.” He said carefully after a few moments.

Jaskier’s hand slowed in his hair. “Dear heart,” he began carefully. “Do you like sex?”

Did he? No one had ever asked him what he wanted before. He didnt think he did. It didnt feel pleasant and he usually had to jump in a cold stream after. “No.”

“Then why did you want to do it with me?” “You’re human,” Geralt shrugged. “Humans either want me to kill monsters or want me in their bed. I serve humans, I can’t turn them down. You are a human.”

"But you dont like sex?”

“No. I’m a Witcher. It’s probably the mutations. But can still get by.” Actually, now that he thought about it, from what he remembered, he’d never been much interested in it before the trials either.

“Geralt,” Jaskier tilted his chin up to look at him and he saw sadness swirling in his eyes. “Not wanting to have sex is not a Witcher thing. Plenty of humans feel the same way too. Admittedly there aren't many of us, I’ve only come across a few in my lifetime, and I think there's a word for it but I can’t remember it right now. Sex does not interest me either, but there are far more other important things in a relationship than just sex.”

Geralt was confused. “But sex is the only thing people ever wanted me for.”

“And I’m terribly sorry about that, dear heart, but you’re with me now and I will never make you have sex with me. Have you ever- or wait, is there anything else that you dont like?”

Geralt’s head was spinning, and he was still stuck on the part where Jaskier had said that he would never make Geralt have sex with him. For the first time that evening, he felt his hands stop their shaking and something like warmth bloom inside him. “Hmm?”

“Is there anything else you dont like doing? Besides the sex bit I mean.”

Besides sex....Geralt tried to remember what came along with laying with someone. He usually blocked it all out after. “Kissing,” he finally said. “Burns my skin.”

“Alright, we’ll do none of that then.” Jaskier moved from the bed, beginning to take off his doublet and Geralt seized up for a second, afraid that Jaskier was going go back on his word, but then he reached for his nightclothes. “Are you familiar with cuddling?”

“Cuddling?” The word felt unfamiliar in his mouth.

“I’ll take that as a no.” Jaskier smiled. “Go put your nightclothes on. I think I have something that you will enjoy far better than that nasty sex business.”

So here it was then, Jasper did need him for a service after all. Geralt got out of bed and slowly pulled on his night clothes, painfully aware this would be their last night together before they parted ways for good, before returning to the bed.

“Right, so youre just going to lay on your side, yes right like that, and then I lay behind you, see? And I put my arm around you like this, and we snuggle.” Jaskier’s breath tickled his hair.

“What do we do though?” “What do you mean, what do we do?” Despite Jaskier’s words though, he didnt seem angry. “This is it. We hold each other and enjoy each others presence. We can change positions, if you want, like you can take a turn holding me for example or I could lay on your chest, but we just hold each other close. Show each other we care. This is called cuddling.”

“Hmm.” As far as Geralt was concerned, it was far better than sex. But he knew it wouldn't last. This was all Jaskier wanted from him, clearly, which prevented Geralt from thoroughly enjoying it.

“Where will you go?” he spoke into the silence a few long moments later.

Jaskier paused drawing light patterns on Geralts forearm. “What do you mean?”

“Tomorrow.” Wasn't it obvious?

“Well I’ll go wherever you’re going. Just like we always have?"

“You...you’re not,” Geralt swallowed thickly. “You’re not leaving?”

“Leaving?” Jaskier’s voice rose an octave. “Why on the continent would I be leaving?”

“You’ve got what you wanted from me, with this....cuddling business. You have no reason to stay.”

“Oh dear heart.” The next thing he knew he was being flipped around to face Jaskier. Jaskier, who had tears in his eyes that were just barely visible in the low light. Instinctively, he reached up to brush them away. “I’m cuddling with you because I care about you, because I love you. Not because I want something from you.”

“Oh.” Geralt didn’t know what to say. Jaskier loved him? No one had ever loved him before, much less cared about him or wanted him to be comfortable.

Jaskier placed his hand on Geralt’s chest. “You never have to do anything you dont want to do with me. And if you don’t want to travel with me anymore, I’ll leave. You are your own person, Geralt, even if you are a Witcher. And you make your own decisions. You wouldn't take a contract that you felt unsafe doing, so in the same vein, you dont have to have sex with anyone if you dont want to. You make your own decisions. You dont even have to cuddle with me right now if you want to. You choose what you want to do based on what you’re comfortable doing, do you understand?”

Geralt nodded into the darkness. This was all so much. He hadn't been able to make his decisions in...well ever. And now Jaskier was giving him permission to. “I want you to stay,” he whispered. “I....care about you too.” He didnt say that he thought he could love him, he wasn't ready to say that yet. And according to Jaskier he didnt have to say it if he didnt want to.

“Good. Now that we've got that sorted, come here,” Jaskier pulled Geralt into his chest, running his fingers through his hair delicately. Geralt closed his eyes, never had he felt more safe in his entire life. Who knew humans could be so gentle?

Just as he was teetering on the edge of unconsciousness he whispered, “Jaskier?”

“Hmm?”

Geralt felt a small smile tug at his lips at hearing how own language on Jaskier’s lips. “Can we do more of this...cuddling?”

Jaskier’s laugh sounded through his chest, vibrating pleasantly against Geralt’s ear. “Of course we can, dear heart. Of course.”

___

that turned out way longer than i thought it would and its now 37 minutes late but oh well.

throw me an ask if you wanna be on my tag list!

taglist: @percy-jackson-is-sexy- @barlowarts @eminasan @llamasdumpsterfire @stinastar @nonegenderleftpain @electricrituals

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pbandjesse · 3 years ago

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My psoriasis is horrendous right now. I have all these spots Ive never had before. I am doing everything I can to not scratch myself to hell but it is hard. Im trying to just put lotion on every time I want to pick. But really it just seems to be getting worse. Im not super shocked because its winter and that's what always happens to me. But I am still really sad about it. I will have to contact my doctor and see if I can get a new prescription. I think there are pills that are coming out again and I want to ask about those again.

I had a good day. Working at night it always weird but I think I did a good job not wasting the entire day. I had a horrible time falling asleep last night. I was up until after 2. I was not having fun. But since I was working at 5 I wasn't super concerned about sleeping in.

And so I did that. I felt like James was stomping a lot and woke me up a little earlier than I expected. But it was fine. I laid in bed and played on my phone for a bit. And would get up eventually.

I was excited that James got us bagels from the place I like but we had no cream cheese. I was just going to have peanutbutter but James wanted to go get me some so they walked to the shopping center. I appreciated them a lot. I was excited to give James the bagel guillotine I got for them, and then I got to use it today so that was cool. We had one at the dining hall in college and I loved it then and I love it now. No more uneven bagels in this house.

I was productive in a very seasonal way. I started collecting the ingredients for the cookies I wanted to make. I have been craving the hard as hell spiced wafers we always got this time of a year in Philly. But they don't seem to be sold anywhere here? They didn't in Minnesota either. So I took it into my own hands and I could a dupe recipe for them!

After I had my bagel and styled my person, I got to work mixing. We were missing all spice and it called for coconut oil. But I replaced it with cardimin and olive oil and it smelled great. The dough tasted nice and they came out so good! I am very proud of them. I want to do a bunch of cookies fo Christmas. So this will be one of the flavors for sure.

Once I was done baking I worked in the studio for a while. Finished up the bears I had sewn. I did not get the faces done but that was okay. I was happy with what I got done and there is still time to finish them for this weekend.

I wanted to make more outfits that were chirstmasy. I pulled my "merry" t-shirt from storage and decided to do a closet mix up. I had to much stuff out that I was just not wearing. So I made a dozen outfits, pulled some pieces I really want to wear in the next couple weeks. Cozy things and layering pieces. And then everything else I would sort and put in storage.

I first sorted them by type. Tops, sweaters, bottoms, dresses. Then I pulled anything I thought were just for camp. A lot of my printed t-shirts. Shorts. The sweater I embroidered. I put all of that in one backpack.

Then I was going to do seasons but that was to hard because I wear a lot of things all year. And so it would be easier to find things I sorted by color and neutral. I used our duffle bags to keep things together. I was really proud. And now all those bags are in my trunk and its not so crazy.

I would spend some of the afternoon just resting in the office with James. I had some of the cheese cake they had made but sweetP had eaten the top and I think eating something covered in sweetP spit made my allergies worse. So I was a little tired. So I just hung out and watched videos and played animal crossing and it was good.

Around 430 I started getting ready to go to work. I left and then all of a sudden the car started freaking out. The one tire needed air. So I tried to use the compressor. I had to pull over and it was just stupid and I was upset because people weren't letting me get over. I finally did and then the compressor wouldn't work!! So I went home to get the other one and I was just so frustrated. James came down to help me fix it. Then they locked themselves out of the apartment so I gave them my keys. But we read the compressor wrong and so I still didn't have enough air. I don't think there was an issue beyond it being very warm the other day and very cold today. But I was still upset and worried about being late.

I texted Mike and let him know but it ended up being fine. I still had time to stop at Mcdonalds and get my stupid little sandwich. And then I was off.

And I had a great night. I was with the old guys, Del, Jack, and John. We had some great chats. And then our group was there. And they were a lot of fun. I like adult tours. I wish we were doing a 5 gallery tour because I felt a little rushed. But I did end up taking them to the pharmacy because I was super on time and kept running into Del. But my group was really nice and I had a great time doing the tour. They even clapped at the end. So cute.

I was able to leave and be home around 8. I tried to use the compressor again in the parking lot and I think I broke the connector and so I couldn't use it and was just so frustrated. I was glad to be going home. When I got back I parked and headed in and felt a lot calmer.

James gave me a gift! It was a ring I wanted, I will need to thin out the shank a little to be comfortable for my fingers. But its such a beautiful piece.

They had dnd and so I made more cookies (from the leftover dough I had in the fridge), and cleaned the fish tank. I had to scrub the plants and the decore but it seems a lot better. Though the water still seems to cold. I am going to pick up another heater for them.

I got a shower and now I am in bed. Me and James are going to talk about some wedding stuff and hopefully sleep will be easier tonight.

I have an outreach program tomorrow. I hope it goes better because its older kids. Wish me luck. Sleep good everyone!

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ears-awake-eyes-opened · 4 years ago

Text

Wedding Colors (Part 2)

(Hayffie ❤️🧡💛💚💙💖. An exploration of Effie’s evolving character as she faces past and present personal intensities while making preparations for Finnick and Annie’s wedding.)

9:00—mentoring. The buzz that Haymitch had been feeling was killed even before Peeta kicked him out of the hospital room.

The boy was angry. “What if I’d murdered the people who were trying to help us because I didn’t know they were trying to help us!!? Do you think anyone would be asking me to frost a cake for Finnick’s FUNERAL if I’d slit his throat!? I can’t even look at you right now. Just go.”

It didn’t help that Haymitch’s eyes looked so much like Katniss’s.

At least Peeta was becoming more lucid. Haymitch took the boy’s justifiable anger as a positive sign and respected his request to be alone.

At the other end of the hospital, he opened the girl’s door to find Johanna plugged into Katniss’s IV. They both looked up but neither moved an inch.

“Jealous?” Johanna sneered.

“Not my drug of choice, sweetheart,” though her comment was spot-on. To Katniss he asked, “Are you okay with this?”

“It’s fine.” She winced, and he glared at Johanna.

“What? She says she’s fine. Plutarch took her for a walk yesterday afternoon. He probably just held her leash too tight.”

“I can tell them I don’t need the morphling anymore...” Her threat wasn’t far from the truth, and Johanna knew it.

“It’s nothing personal. Plutarch has us all on leashes. Even your *mentor* there.” Johanna looked pointedly at the communicuff on Haymitch’s wrist.

Her mockery pissed him off.

“Plutarch talked to you yesterday?” he asked Katniss.

“Yeah. He’s planning a circus, and he gave me the job of looking happy.”

“You. Happy? I would’ve cast somebody else.”

“I can do it. Since the circus is Finnick and Annie’s wedding.”

“Right. ...I’m going to walk away now and pretend I didn’t see you two... bonding.” He motioned to the IV then said to Johanna, “If she’s screaming in pain later, I’ll be ripping that port out of your arm myself.”

Sarcasm dripped along with the morphling. “Sobriety has had such a calming effect on you.”

“Something for YOU to look forward to soon.”

Johanna’s expression was steady as stone. ...Almost. Nobody would have noticed the subtle flinch, except for an addict.

“Katniss, I’ll see YOU later.” Haymitch closed the door behind him.

So the kids knew about the wedding before he did. What’s the point of wearing this *shackle* on my arm if Plutarch doesn’t tell me anything?!

Haymitch made his way back to Peeta’s room and stood in the corridor looking in through the one-way mirror. The boy was sitting at the art table which orderlies had brought in days before. Delly Cartwright was by his side. They were painting with watercolors. Peeta’s brush stroked out an ocean scene with cresting waves and sea life. With the paintbrush in his hand, Peeta was calm. In that moment, he seemed almost like himself.

The damn communicuff buzzed, and a message from Plutarch appeared on the screen. “Change of schedule. Report for exercise at 10:00. Details await you there.”

Being outdoors sounded better than being shut out by the kids or seeing them in pain. They were still alive, but they were messed up. Like me... Or worse.

Mentor. Johanna’s ridicule settled in his bones.

***

10:00—exercise The staircase to the surface had been rebuilt quickly after the bombing. The tight control in 13 produced efficiency. He’d give Coin that much credit.

Climbing the stairs was more exercise than he’d get in the yard. By the time he got to the top, he was breathing hard.

“Now that’s a familiar sound.” Effie’s voice came from the shadows and lit him up.

He moved toward her. “Me out of breath? Typical.”

“Last night...”

“Not typical. ...And more fun than this.”

He was surprised to see her. She wore a heavy coat and carried a large canvas sack over her shoulder. Additional bags and a set of leaf scoops were on the floor near her feet. “What are you doing?”

“I’m going for a walk in the woods —with you. Plutarch’s orders.”

Haymitch was confused, but too amused to not play along.

“I see you’re bringing a weapon.” He tugged at the pruners which were hooked through a belt loop on her pants. “Are you gonna protect us from carnivorous trees?”

“Just me, sweetheart. You’re going to protect yourself.” She held out a second set of pruners.

As he took them, he lingered on the fabric covering her hand. “Is this the latest fashion?”

“Cloth is more practical than lace, but must EVERY stitch of fabric here be gray or white?!” She held out a pair of work gloves for him too.

“If I’m wearing these, then how am I supposed to touch you?”

“No touching, honey. We have a project to do. Coin is giving us two hours to gather enough foliage for the district to make wedding decorations.”

“I heard her announcement asking for volunteers. I just didn’t think she was talking about me.”

“You are here at MY request.”

He took a half-step toward her. “So you’re giving me orders to spend two hours in the woods with you without touching you?” He took another half-step and felt the buzz return as their clothing brushed.

“We aren’t in the woods yet,” she said, “You can touch me now...”

The hair on his chin grazed her temple. “Where?”

Warmth flooded her. “You choose.”

He stepped back. “Sorry, sweetheart. If you get to make me a gardener for two hours, then I get to make you wait at least that long.”

“Haymitch! Don’t bother turning me on if you’re just going to make me wait!”

“Well, aren’t YOU the pot calling the kettle black. ...Am I turning you on?”

“You KNOW you are—“

“I have your trackers.” They were interrupted by a security guard, armed with an automatic rifle equipped with a spotting scope.

“Lex, this is Haymitch. He’ll be the other person accompanying us.”

“Glad to meet you,” the guard said as he lifted Effie’s pant leg to fit the tracker on her ankle.

“Wait a minute. This guy’s coming with us, AND he gets to touch you?”

“No need for envy. ...He’ll be touching YOU too.” Effie smirked.

The guard proceeded to clamp the second tracker onto Haymitch’s ankle.”

“Just what I need, another shackle.” He was tired of being treated like a prisoner, and he was sick of sobriety. Even if he could take the tracker off and leave, where would he go? His house was still standing, far away in 12, but that place was just a shell. Nearly every person he cared about who was still alive was in 13. And his duty was here. He’d been waiting his whole life for this stand.

Haymitch scowled when Lex’s hands skimmed Effie’s hip as he clipped a communicator onto her belt loop.

“Look, man, this is just standard procedure. I’m not interested in touching your girlfriend.”

“I’m not his girlfriend.” “She’s not my girlfriend.” They spoke in unison, then looked at each other.

“Sorry. I just assumed... I’ll position myself in the center of the search area. Don’t wander more than 50 yards from me in any direction.”

“Or what? You’ll shoot us?” Haymitch asked.

“It’s not our policy in 13 to shoot civilians.”

“See there, even cave people can be civilized.” Effie muttered under her breath, talking mostly to herself.

“If you move too far out of range, I’ll message you through the communicator. Stay together.”

Haymitch pulled on the gloves then picked up two canvas sacks and the leaf scoops. Stay together. For a moment, it sounded better than ‘stay alive’

***

In the weeks since the bombing, the exit from 13 into the woods had been cleared and secured. Effie was grateful to not have to crawl through bent metal and broken blocks of cement.

As she stepped outside, a gust of wind whipped her in the face. It carried the fragrance of cedar, like a hope chest, and the smell of approaching rain. Dry ground indicated that none had fallen recently, and she wondered when it would come. Hopefully not before noon! She unzipped her coat just enough to reach inside and pull her sunglasses out from the pocket of her shirt. The lenses tinted the world rose. That view was more familiar.

The guard split off from them to stand watch at the top of the ridge.

“We have three sacks. Let’s fill each one with foliage of a warm color: red, orange, and yellow.” Wasting no time, Effie marched straight into the woods, following a narrow trail.

“The High Priestess of Nature is on a mission,” Haymitch teased from behind her.

Much of the vegetation around them was foreign to him. 13 was far north from the woods he’d forayed into as a boy, breaking laws in order to spend time at the lake. Other plants were the same.

“Uh, priestess... is there poison ivy in the Capitol?”

“Poison?” She stopped in her tracks, imagining a coiling plant about to sink its fangs into her. “I don’t know. What does it look like?”

He pointed to a vine near her feet, and she leaped back, nearly knocking him over. He steadied them both with a hand on her waist.

“THAT!?” she exclaimed, “Well, EVERYTHING here looks like that!”

“Because you’re taking us into a thicket of it.”

“Why didn’t you tell me!?”

“I AM telling you.”

“What will it do to me?” she whispered, fearing that talking too loudly might wake it up or something.

“If you don’t touch it, then nothing.”

“What if I touch it?”

“See how the leaves are shiny? That oil gets on your clothes and transfers to your skin. It gives some people a rash that itches like hell.”

“Maybe YOU should walk in front.”

“Why? So you can look at my ass?”

“Let’s call that a side benefit to the primary goal of not getting poisoned!”

He reluctantly let go of her waist, turned around, and led them out of the thicket.

They found a wider trail and followed it to a tree with large leaves, red as cranberries. Haymitch recognized it as the same variety growing behind his house. He didn’t pay much attention to that tree at home, except when it looked like this. It’s strange... a person can be around something so often but not think about how remarkable it is until it’s changing.

The wind whipped up again, and leaves were falling like rain. Effie was already scooping them up and filling the sack she’d been carrying.

“Wait,” he said, “Look...”

“What? More poison?”

He pointed to the sky, and she tilted her face up to a shower of red. She slid the sunglasses up to her forehead so she could see the true color. Thin beams of sunlight streamed through the branches. She squinted her eyes but didn’t close them.

“In the Capitol, nature is manicured — controlled. In Capitol Park, all the trees are planted the same distance apart. When leaves fall, a crew of Avoxes carts them away before the next morning. It’s nothing like this. This is wild.”

“...And familiar.” With a gloved fingertip, he touched her windburned cheeks then pulled a red leaf from the top knot of her kerchief. Over her coat he traced from her heart to the small of her back, following the path of the tattoo buried under her layers.

The memory of him holding her there the night before was a freight train barreling through her. “Ohh... this is why we agreed to not touch each other.”

“Yeah, about that... I lied.”

The leaf scoops dropped to the ground, and she interlaced her hands behind his neck. “Just for a minute, alright? Just give me a minute...” She kissed his cut lip, soft like she’d wanted to at breakfast. “Does this hurt?”

StoppIng this is what’s gonna hurt. He kissed her like when he was trying to get her out of his system. Only he knew better now, and he kissed her anyway, slow and certain.

She felt it like madness. “My hands were on my body this morning,” she murmured, “I pretended they were yours. In all the places you touched me. Haymitch... I came so fast.”

“Jesus.”

“I’m trying to control this. But...” I’ve wondered about it so long. “I don’t know what’s going to happen.”

In defiance of gravity, he pulled back from her. “Here’s what’s going to happen... We’ll collect the leaves, and we’ll figure out the rest later. Because if you say another word now about making yourself come, then I swear I’m going to lay you down right here—“

“And you’ll fuck me. ...Say it. Tell me you will.”

He could feel himself bending to her desires. It was unsettling, and erotic. “Yeah. I will. To hell with whoever’s watching! But it’s not just the guard. It’s probably Coin; it may be Snow; it could be anybody. I’ve already shown too much of my hand out here, and the clock is ticking.”

The reminder of Plutarch’s words and of the arena made her refocus. She caressed his neck as she let go.

They channeled the intensity into the work, meandering through the woods along animal trails. Scurrying sounds in the bushes made Effie’s heart race, but she avoided a heart attack like she evaded poison ivy.

“Scurrying things are mostly lizards, field mice, and foraging birds. The real threats are the things you DON’T hear coming.”

“WHY would you say that?! With all of the words you have to choose from in this situation, THAT is what you say to me!?!”

“I’m trying to ease your mind. Good ol’ Lex is up there watching from the ridge. We’re gonna be fine.”

They scooped and clipped foliage from a dozen trees. “Every leaf we collect must be freshly fallen or plucked from the branches. Nothing brown or decomposing is acceptable.”

“Nothing decomposing?! Who’s making these rules anyway?”

“I believe you called her ‘The High Priestess of Nature’.”

“What do you think is happening to leaves when the colors change? Poetry?”

“Maybe poetry. Why not?”

“This is a deciduous forest, sweetheart. These leaves are all dying. There’s nothing poetic about it. Death is a knife in somebody’s back or poison in her veins. And then nothing.”

“If that’s all it is, then why did you tell me to watch the leaves fall? And why did we feel so alive?”

He had no answer.

***

Returning to the fortress, Effie carried a sack across her back and the scoops in her hands. He slung the other full bags over his shoulders. Neither of them had much breath left to complain about their burdens, but they talked some.

“You’re stronger than you’ve let on.”

“I used to credit cycling classes at Capitol Spin. Now it’s endless staircase climbing in *the dungeon*.”

“What about the strength inside you? Where does that come from?”

“I... I don’t know. That’s not easy for me to feel.”

I feel it. “Thanks for getting me outside today.”

“Will you come to the dining hall this afternoon?”

“I’m all thumbs when it comes to making things like garlands. My parents’ craftiness skipped my generation.”

He seldom mentioned his family. There was so much pain there. She wanted to know more. She wanted to know everything. But if she pushed, he shut down. So she took in his comments whenever they came and tried to piece together a picture of the early life his Games destroyed. The more the images came together, the more protective she felt.

And the more she knew of anger.

She’d always folded anger up tightly and locked it in a box. The act was subconscious. Compartmentalization was happening less readily now, if for no other reason than the boxes she’d stuffed unwanted aspects of herself inside were getting full.

“You don’t have to make anything... I’d just like to see you there.” I’m anxious about facing people.

“After lunch I need to check on the kids, but I’ll try to stop by later.”

“I wish Peeta was recovered enough to participate.”

“He’s decorating in his own way.”

“Is he??”

The trail widened, and Haymitch walked alongside her. “It’s Plutarch’s big secret. If I told you, then I’d have to kill you.” His smile was wide enough to show the gap between his teeth. “And that wouldn’t work because I want you alive.”

The wind rushed around them, and she thought again about how easy it would be to let it take her. “Keep those secrets for now. My world has suddenly become rather interesting. I think I’ll stay alive and find out what’s going to happen next.”

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fragmentedink-archived · 5 years ago

Text

Hell to Pay: Part Forty- Five

I, II, III, IV, V, VI, VII, VIII, IX, X, XI, XII, XIII, XIV, XV, XVI, IX, IX, XX, XXI, XXII, XXIII, XIV, XV, XVI, XVII, XVIII, XVIIII, XXX, XXXI, XXXII, XXXIII, XXXIV, XXXV, XXXVI, XXXVII, XXXVIII, XXXIX, XL, XLI, XLII, XLIII, XLIV

cowritten by @lux-scriptum

Lev scrunched his nose at Nik, and flicked some water at him. "I think we need more scenty stuff," he said, sighing. "This wasn't enough with the last bath." It'd been a few more days, and Lev still had that lingering undercurrent of death to his scent.

Nik chewed on his bracelet. "I mean, it might be permanent?" Nik said, watching Lev carefully.

Despite himself, Lev's bottom lip trembled. He scrubbed at his face to get rid of the expression. "No," he said stubbornly. "It'll fade. I refuse to smell like roadkill forever. I just need to keep- to keep scrubbing at it." Even if he was already tired just sitting here.

"You don't smell like road kill," Nik said. "Amara's just a bitch."

Lev frowned. "She's blunt," Lev said. "And you agreed! At least that I smell... dead. I don't like it." He held up his rag. "So. Scrubbing."

Nik looked offended. "I didn't say I agreed," he protested, and went on to add petulantly, "If it bothers you that much, you can get axe body spray."

"I think I'd rather smell dead," Lev muttered, scrubbing at himself half heartedly.

"Are you sure?" Nik needled.

Lev threw his rag at Nik and blew a raspberry at him.

Nik caught the rag, smiling a little. "Well, apparently there are worse things to smell like than death, then, aren't there?"

"Hmph." Lev reached for one of the bottles of oils, and poured some in.

"See? I was right."

"Hmph," Lev muttered again, sinking lower in the water. It was hot enough he was flushed gold, but he doubted the warmth would last more than a few minutes out of the bath itself. He lifted a leg and draped it over the bathtub so he could poke Nik. "How long do I have until dinner?"

After grabbing one of Lev's toes and tugging, Nik said, "Until Cameron comes and yanks us out of here."

Lev wiggled his toes at Nik in response, before sighing and sitting up. "Get me a towel?" he asked, pulling the plug.

"Sure thing, Princess." Lev got out while Nik tracked one down, and let Nik rub him down when he got back. He kissed Lev's cheek when he was done.

Lev booped noses with Nik before he went to go find some clothes. Nik wasn't far behind, so Lev just grabbed the first sweater and pair of pyjama bottoms, and backed out of the closet again. He pulled them on and turned to make a beeline for the bed.

Nik caught him around the waist gently. "We gotta eat. Cameron will yell if we don't. Also... I'm hungry."

"We can eat in bed," Lev said, lifting a finger with each point. "I'm sleepy. Cameron never yells, and... we can eat in bed."

"Lev. No. We eat in the kitchen like civilized people do."

"I'm not civilized, I'm a zombie," Lev joked, even as he padded for the hallway.

"You're not a zombie," Nik said sharply, as he pulled Lev towards the kitchen.

"I know," Lev said apologetically as he followed willingly. "I was just joking. I thought it was funny, Nik."

He decided to ignore the look Cameron shot them, and settled at the table, immediately putting his head down.

"Did you not get enough sleep?" Cameron asked dryly.

"I'm sleepy," Lev mumbled.

There was a long stretch of silence, before, "I can see that."

---

Bedtime had become Lev's favorite part of the day. He felt less guilty about sleeping then. Once he was free of dinner, Lev all but dove into bed, and just peeped out from under the covers at Nik. Nik joined him indulgently.

That was all Lev needed to suction himself to Nik's side. He pressed his face to Nik, sighing happily.

"You're not an igloo anymore," Nik said.

Lev hummed. "Good," he said, sitting up and peeling out of his shirt. He flopped back down, closing his eyes. "Maybe the sleeping is helping."

"You mean it isn't my fantastic body heat that's helping?"

"Cuddles help," Lev agreed. "And taking the baths like Ash said probably helped too. Finally."

Nik hummed. "I mean, I guess."

Lev was too sleepy to argue. "Hey, Nik?" he asked, bumping Nik's head with his own.

"Hm?"

"Can you say it again?"

"You mean, 'You're not an igloo anymore'?"

"No," Lev mumbled. "The love thing."

Nik kissed Lev's nose, matching Lev's mumbled tone as he said, "I love you."

A smile crossed Lev's face. "I love you too. So much," he promised sleepily.

"That's because you have taste."

"Not according to Cameron."

"Yeah, well, that's because Cameron's a snob."

Lev laughed softly, but he was already drifting off.

---

Darius had spent the last week and a half, for lack of a better phrasing, hiding. The moment Destris had laid eyes on him, Darius had made good use of the last five hundred years of ghostly practice and kept his distance the best he could.

And the best way he could do that was by keeping Nate company in his house; even if that meant not keeping an eye on his mate in this time. He had barely had a moment where he could go back and just see Cameron and make sure he was getting back to his routine now that Lev was back.

He had spent the last hour or so in Nate's art studio watching Nate paint while his baby napped in a bassinet soundly next to him. At nearly four and a half months Lucas seemed to have grown a bit of chub in his dusted tan cheeks and had seemed to sleep almost completely through the night- especially since Bay and Nate moved Eden to a different room.

The little monster seemed to enjoy screaming in the middle of the night to wake everyone up in the house, especially the little boy who had been sleeping deeply across the room from her. Nate kept side eyeing him from the painting, watching Darius play with Lucas' dark brown locks. "...If you want," Nate said, "I could. Let you hold him? I know you won't hurt him."

Darius hummed faintly. "I know," he said, after a long moment. "However, I'm not too sure that your mate would be as agreeable." Especially since there had probably been a total of two or three people besides Bay himself who had held Lucas.

And that included Nate in the equation.

Nate sighed and leaned back, eyes turning back to the colorful painting he was working on. "Yeah," he agreed. "That's true. Though I think he's getting better." There was such a fondness in his voice, right along with amusement. "He even let Ash hold him, without threatening to break his fingers if he dropped Lucas. I think that's progress to be quite honest."

"Absolutely," Darius said, solemnly. "Besides I don't want to worry about waking the little one up. I'm sure with Eden's shrill lungs it makes nap time a bit difficult."

"The worst. I have the feeling Baylor fights the urge to smother Eden with a pillow on a daily basis."

"He has remarkable self restraint," Darius said, moving up to his feet from the floor. "Would it be alright if I went to check on them?"

Nate flicked him an amused look. "Well you don't need to ask my permission," he said. "Ash said that they seem to be settling back into some kind of normal now that Lev's home. Though I understand if you want to go see for yourself."

Darius gave him a smile before disappearing out of Nate's house to Cameron's. He showed up just in time to see Nik take a sleepy Lev presumably to the bedroom, and while he watched them for a lingering heartbeat, he then turned his attention back towards the kitchen where he knew Cameron would be.

He started his way and settled at the counter, watching as Cameron went about systematically cleaning the kitchen. He had watched Cameron, countless times, in how he cleaned. There was such a meticulous orderliness to it that was fascinating to watch. The kind of order this brought seemed to soothe something jagged within Cameron.

Cameron finished cleaning the kitchen; had wiped down the counters three separate times before finally leaving. He followed Cameron back to the office, settled at the far end of the house from the bedroom, and went to the desk where he promptly went back to doing paperwork.

Darius settled across from him in one of the leather chairs, out of the way. There were carefully stacked blueprints Cameron seemed to be going through while taking and making calls. He did not miss the carefully folded blanket and pillow on the leather couch against the wall, either.

After a while Darius slipped silently from the room and wandered to the bedroom Lev and Nik were sequestered in. He found Lev curled into Nik's chest, out cold while Nik played with Lev's dark waves, half asleep himself.

"It's sad isn't it?" a voice said, from behind him. "Once again you're all alone and left with me. You'd think five hundred years would be enough for you to finally realize you are nothing."

If Darius could actually draw in air, he'd definitely be heaving a long sigh. It wouldn't be worth the energy it would take and instead, he looked squarely at Destris. "I do not need five hundred years to tell me something false," he said. "We're all something and someone, however you just. Happen to be an ass. Are you planning on spending your afterlife watching after Cameron. With me? You could move on... be somewhere not trapped between life and death."

"Have you considered taking your own advice?" Destris asked, mildly. "Or is your infatuation for Cameron just that strong?"

"My love for Cameron is that strong, yes," he corrected. "Not that you would understand, of course. I think any love you had for your family was bled out of you long before Cameron was conceived. And anything that was left was twisted into jealousy."

Destris gave an amused huff of a laugh. "Are you suggesting I am jealous of a bastard?"

A bastard who happened to have admiration and respect earned instead of outright given. "I'm suggesting you find a way to forgive yourself and find peace," Darius said.

The growing amused look on Destris' face was enough that Darius decidedly left and went back to Nate's house, where he knew Destris would not be fool enough to step foot. He found Nate still in the art studio, but this time Lucas was awake and wiggling around on his stomach on the floor.

Nate instantly looked up from his spot on the floor next to his son. "Are you alright?" he asked, concerned. "You look... upset."

Darius shook his head and settled down on the floor next to him, watching Lucas wiggle and babble happily at Darius. "Hi baby," he said, softly.

Happiness lit up Lucas' face like a thousand little suns. Nate looked fondly at his baby. "He clearly takes after me," he said.

"I can see that," Darius said. "He has a beautiful smile."

"He's a beautiful boy."

While Nate and Darius went about gushing after the baby, Lucas decided to reach for the closest toy he could get his tiny gums on.

---

Lev woke up burning hot. He swallowed a whine, and sat up. Sweat slid down his back as he rubbed his face. After a second, he leaned over and took Nik's pillow from under Nik's head. Nik whined at him, still half asleep, but Lev just got up and crawled in the closet. He closed the door behind himself and set Nik's pillow down right up against it while he dragged his nest closer, and then flopped down, confused.

This was definitely his heat, which made how tired he'd been make so much sense. But with his fever rising, it was getting hard to focus. He couldn't explain why he needed to be here, in the closet, and not out there with Nik.

A few moments passed, and then he heard Nik sit on the other side of the door. "Are you okay? Do you need me to get Cameron?"

Lev watched Nik's fingers wiggle as far under the door as far as they could. "No," he managed. The only thing he could get his omega to tell him was that he had to protect Nik. Not from what, just that he had to do right by Nik and that meant keeping space between them.

"No, you're not okay, or no, don't get Cameron?"

Lev curled tighter. "I don't know," he finally mumbled. His throat tightened. "I don't know," he repeated, but his voice began to rise with barely contained hysteria.

He could hear and smell Nik leaving quickly. The distance between them sent pain spiking through him. He whimpered, bit down on his pillow, tears rolling down his cheeks.

A knock on the closet door startled Lev. Judging by how the pain eased, Nik was back, but it was Cameron who said, "Talk to me."

Lev pushed his back against the door firmly. "My heat- I didn't know- didn't want-"

"I know," Cameron said. "Do you want my help?"

"No," Lev said abruptly. He thumped his forehead against the door, muddling his way through the conflicting instincts. "No, I can't- you can't- no. We didn't talk about- anything before."

"We're talking now. What do you want?"

"No," was all Lev could manage. "I can't think." His fingers found their way to his hair and dug in. "It's so hot. I have to protect Nik. I have to do right by- no. I can't think. I can't- no."

Nik's voice was very high. "What do you mean you have to protect me?"

"I have to- my omega-"

"Let me help you. I want to help you." Nik paused. "Please."

"No." Lev closed his eyes. "No."

"Nik, go call Ash."

The door rattled a little as Nik sat down against it. Lev could hear him calling Ash as told, and he could smell how close Nik was. Lev shoved himself against it, and then he backed up somewhat. He buried his face in the pillow, sucking in a few ragged breaths.

He blocked out whatever conversation was going on on the other side of the door. All he could focus on was how hot he was. Shivers crawled down his spine, and even just laying there was unbearable even with the soft blankets and pillows with him.

For a few minutes, Lev wrestled with his instincts until he could drift into a half conscious doze. Cameron knocking on the door dragged him unwillingly from it just as he was adjusting it.

"Open the door, Levant," Cameron said, alpha firm.

Lev whined, but he scooted away from the door until his back hit the far wall, dragging his Nik-pillow with him. Cameron knelt in front of him. All he wore was a pair of black silk pyjama bottoms, and he had an open bottle of water in his hand. "Drink."

Lev took it warily, but half of it was gone in one go. It helped a little, but Lev just stared blankly at his alpha. When his alpha brushed his fingers against Lev's forehead, his cheeks, Lev held still. His head was spinning, and he could feel the heat radiating off of him.

"It's just a heat," Lev mumbled. "I can't- I can't think. I can always think."

"It's not just a heat. You were dead."

Lev pressed his palms against his eyes. "It's too soon," he whined. "I don't like this."

"You disliked being dead even more."

Another whimper came from Lev. He hunched over, at least until the water bottle started to spill. He sat up enough to stare at it blankly. In the end, he just held it out to his alpha hesitantly. Once the bottle was taken from him, almost gently, Lev folded in on himself again.

"You need to let Nik take care of you."

Lev shook his head. "I hurt- I'll- no. I can't." He didn't know how to explain the sheer conviction that he had hurt his omega before and that he would do it again if he wasn't careful. They hadn't discussed his heat. No one could consent in this. Not while Lev couldn't think straight and the other two would take care of him whether they really wanted to or not. It was how they showed they cared.

"Then what can you do?" His alpha was being so patient. Lev wanted to cry.

Instead he swallowed hard. His thoughts were racing, disjointed. "I can sleep." He pulled at his hair. "I can eat when I need to. But I can sleep through this."

His alpha nodded. "Fine. But Ash is on his way."

Ash. Ash. Lev had to blink a few times before the name clicked. Right. Ash. "Okay," he said in a small voice.

"Are you staying in here? We can move your nest to the bed, if you want."

Lev shook his head fiercely. "No."

His omega poked his head around the closet. "Can I come in there?"

Oh, the tone in his omega's voice. It hurt to whisper his, "No," but he just listed to the side and curled up. "I need you safe."

"Safe from what?" His omega asked, voice rising in confusion.

"Me," Lev mumbled, shrinking back into his nest and trying to crawl under the blankets.

That got his alpha's attention. "Lev, stop that. You're about as threatening as a piece of toast." Lev just closed his eyes and clutched the pillow close. Everything was so warm, and his head was swimming. His alpha put his hand in Lev's hair. "You're not going to hurt him."

It- it made sense, and yet- there was some sort of- voice, deep down, that his alpha was wrong, and he couldn't risk it. He couldn't. Logic had no place in a heat.

"Fine," his alpha finally said, resigned. "Nik's not going to leave. I'll be back in two hours."

Lev was confused until it clicked that it was probably almost three in the morning. Cameron usually got up before the sun, and that's when he started breakfast. At least he was keeping his routine. Lev just curled tighter.

---

Lev heard Ash before he saw him. The beta had the decency to knock on the closet door before he stepped inside. Lev's sleepy yes was enough invitation for Ash to kneel beside Lev's nest. Ash had questions for Lev, but when Lev just stared at him blankly, struggling to form a coherent thought, much less an answer, his omega took over for him from outside the closet.

"Why aren't you letting Nik in here?" Ash finally asked him directly.

Lev burrowed under his blankets. "I said no," he mumbled.

Ash sighed. "You need to stay hydrated," he finally said. "If he gets worse, call me."

"You're not going to make him?" His omega asked.

Lev almost wanted him to. He ached to be curled up in his boyfriend's lap, not huddled alone in a pile of blankets.

As soon as Ash was gone, Lev wiggled out of his clothes, throwing them out of the closet forcefully. Better. Better.

"Lev?" His boyfriend sounded so small and anxious. "Are you mad at me?"

Tears pricked at his eyes. "No," he choked out. "I love you. But I can't-" He had no idea how to explain the sheer conviction that Nik was safer away from him.

"You can still be mad at me and love me."

"I'm not mad," Lev said, finally starting to cry. "I'm not. I'm not. I just want- I have to do right by you. I just need- I need-"

"What does that mean?"

Lev flinched at the yell. "I don't know," he yelled back, and started crying harder. "I can't think."

"You don't have to think, you just have to let me hold you."

Lev wanted it. Wanted it so bad. His instincts were begging him to go, but he just curled tighter. "Just let me sleep," he said wetly.

"Okay," he heard his boyfriend say, and Lev could hear the tears in his voice too. Lev turned to face the wall, clawing for sleep. Maybe that would help.

---

Two days later, and everything was worse. His nest was soaked in sweat, and if Lev had been in any state of mind to be grateful, he would have been about the fact that he wasn't even a little aroused this heat. Instead he was hot and in pain. Every breath felt like swallowing glass, and he wanted to tear his skin off. It hurt.

Some time in the afternoon, Lev couldn't help it, and started to sob. That hurt too, but he couldn't stop. "Nik," he choked out, digging his nails into his arms to stay grounding. "Nik," he tried again.

The pain spiked as Nik's footsteps retreated. Lev muffled his cry with a pillow, curling tightly around himself. His alpha's scent appeared, but that wasn't who Lev wanted. "Nik," he whimpered.

His alpha grabbed him by the scruff. It was an old hold, one alphas used to make an omega go limp and make them easier to carry. Lev was honestly grateful for it; no matter how much it hurt, his body loosened enough for Cameron to carry him out of the closet. He found himself dropped in a lap.

"Let your mate take care of you," his alpha said firmly.

Lev couldn't argue with that. Not now. It felt right, with his mate's arms around him. Lev immediately started pulling on Nik's t-shirt. Nik hesitated, but let Lev undress him. Skin pressed against him, finally soothing most of the pain. Lev's tears lessened.

"Thank you," Nik mumbled as he held onto Lev.

Through his swimming thoughts, Lev managed to pluck out what he wanted to say. "You were right," he rasped.

"Of course I was. I'm always right." His mate sounded petulant, but all Lev cared about was the arms around him and the heartbeat against his hand.

---

Nik hadn't let go of Lev the moment he managed to get his claws into him. For the next day Lev's body temperature hadn't fluctuated in the slightest. Instead it had remained at a constant sweltering temperature, clinging to Nik the whole time.

He tried keeping his stomach not so pressed against Lev without his shirt. Amara's words about his weight were still ringing in his ears and he didn't need Lev's heightened instincts picking up on any of that.

Nik's head shot up when he heard someone knocking at the doorway. A growl was sitting deep in his chest before he even realized it was Ash at the doorway. That still hadn't stopped Nik from pulling Lev deeper against him.

Lev's only reaction had been a small whine and to dig his nails into Nik's back. Nik gave a small nip in apology before glaring at Ash. It was an effort to remind himself that this was Ash, even as annoyingly preachy as he was at times, he did in fact know what the hell he was doing.

"Can I come in?" Ash asked, from the doorway.

Nik was very aware of how firm his arms were around Lev's shoulders, keeping him as pressed against him as possible. He pressed his lips to Lev's shoulder before looking him in the eye. "Can he?"

Lev only stared at him blankly, eyes fever-bright and beyond gold. Nik took that nonanswer and looked back to Ash. "...sure," he finally said. But he stopped short and said, "Slowly." Unless Ash felt like getting a mouthful of teeth in his carotid. If he was a demon, that would hurt like hell.

Ash took that at the promise it was, and slowly came into the room and sat down on the edge of the bed a healthy space from them both. Ash's face was drawn tight. "Can I look him over?"

"Do I have to let him go?"

"No."

"Then go ahead."

Ash maneuvered around them, clearly having to do something like this before, quite possibly with other omegas in heats. The idea of having to deal with Bay during his heats would be nearly hysterical.

"Any changes at all?" he asked, Nik.

"His body temp has stayed the same, and Cam made him get out of the closet and come up here with me. Before that he was crying and in hysterics." When Lev didn't react to Nik's observations, he added, "That too. He just. Doesn't move and only responds when or if I try to move away from him. I think... he's been ignoring his base instincts, right? That's why this is so bad of a heat?" He fought the rising panic in his voice and kept himself carefully around Lev.

Ash's face was drawn tight. "Yeah, I think so. I wish Cameron had moved him to you sooner."

"He was trying to respect Lev's boundaries," Nik muttered irritably into Lev's burning skin. "And Lev got upset if I tried to come into the closet with him." Though that didn't stop Nik from also not wanting to be in the closet in the first place. And the guilt felt like acid.

That seemed to catch Ash's interest. "Why wouldn't he let you near him?"

"He said he was trying to protect me...?"

"Did he say what from?"

"Himself?"

Ash's face turned thoughtful, if a bit rueful. "Maybe he's trying to atone for trying to keep you dead."

Nik winced at that. "Okay but that doesn't even make sense. He doesn't remember doing that so why would he be trying to protect me from that idiocy now. If you haven't noticed, Ash, Lev is a little more alive? Telling me to be dead now would be a moot point."

"Are you, the most neurotic person I know, going to tell me that Lev would be using rational thinking during a heat at this current moment in time?"

When Nik moved to get just a little more comfortable to stop himself from smacking Ash upside the head, Lev whined and pressed deeper into him, promptly halting Nik's impulsivity. If it had been any other time he'd probably be sulking about it. If Ash didn't get a regular dose of a popping then he got unmanageable and too annoying. "We haven't been able to get Lev to eat very much," Nik admitted. "Not even Cam can until I try to help."

"I'll get an IV set up," Ash said, pulling out his phone to make a note. "Also I'm taking the room next to this one. I'm sure Cameron will be fine with it, if not he can get in line with everyone else who seems to have a problem with how I conduct things."

"Go nuts," Nik said, closing his eyes. "I'm sure he'll be fine feeding you as long as you prove to be useful to him."

---

When Bay said sit, Silas sat. He waited patiently on the couch, but when Bay put Lucas in his arms Silas went very still.

"You drop him and I break your arms," Bay warned.

Silas tucked Lucas close obediently, gazing down at Lucas. "Hi, baby," he cooed happily. Lucas babbled back, which only made Silas grin down at the infant.

"Lev's been alive for a week."

Silas stilled. "What?"

Even if Bay's firm look hadn't kept him in place, holding an infant would have. But still. "Hell of a thing to drop on me with no warning."

"Would you rather me have not told you?"

"No," Silas muttered, but he looked down at Lucas, and let the little boy grab onto his finger. That boy had more Nate in him than Bay, and that was probably a good thing.

"That's what I thought. If it makes you feel any better, Nik didn't know either until a few days ago. It was a need to know basis, and you didn't need to know."

Silas made a face, leaning back. "You thought I'd run right over the moment I knew?" Silas asked, lifting a brow.

Bay mirrored his look. "If you're suggesting I don't know you're whipped for that boy and would drop everything for him in a heartbeat, you're sorely mistaken. As far as I'm concerned, this was two birds with one stone. Be mad about it all you want."

"He's hardly a boy," Silas grumbled. "If Lev wanted me to come see him he would have called. I didn't barge over there before he died, I won't now."

Bay looked at him for a long, long moment. Gaging. "With the amount you coddled, him, maybe I just assumed you didn't actually know he was an adult. I apologize. Next time your ex boyfriend dies, I'll make sure to act accordingly."

Silas grimaced. "Ouch," he said dryly, before, "Touche."

Bay looked satisfied. "Good." He watched Silas for the longest minute before saying, "If I leave for five seconds to go get my book, can I trust you not to drop my son on his head?"

"I won't budge an inch, Bay," Silas promised. He pressed a kiss to Lucas' forehead, grinned a little when the infant giggled at him around his knuckle.

Bay was only gone for a few seconds, and when he returned, he curled up on the couch opposite Silas and started reading. Silas watched Lucas, humming at him. So Lev was back. And he hadn't called. Which- fair. Not his omega. And Silas had been a shit friend. Maybe everyone was right. Enough people tell him to move on, maybe they had a point.

---

Amara flopped down beside Cin. Once she was settled, he started running his fingers through her hair. "When can we move in again?" Amara mumbled.

"Next week," Cin promised. "Tu pulled some strings."

Cin had found a nice house. Three bedrooms, a kitchen Cin swore up and down he would learn how to use, and two overly large bathrooms. He'd paid for it, and wouldn't let Amara know how much it'd cost. She wasn't sure she wanted to know. She'd promised him she'd let him take care of her.

"I'm assuming we're getting rid of most of my furniture."

"I told you you could keep the things that are sentimental," Cin told her sternly. "Even if it's everything in this apartment."

Amara sighed. "There's not much I want to keep," she admitted.

Cin tugged on her hair. "That's okay."

"Cin?" Amara mumbled.

"Hm?"

"You sure you want to be mated to me?"

Cin pulled her hair again. "I'll say it again, as many times as you need me, Mar. Yes. I wouldn't have asked if I hadn't wanted it."

Amara sighed again, louder, refusing to look up. "I want kids."

"I know."

"And you're okay with that?"

Cin was quiet for a long moment. Eventually he said, "Yes."

"You sure there, Cin?"

"Yeah," Cin promised. "I'm old, Amara. And I actually see a therapist. I think I can handle some kids by this point."

It was Amara's turn to be quiet. "I don't know if I can conceive or carry to term," she admitted quietly. "Not that I've tried, but fuck if I ever managed to keep it longer than a few weeks. Never fucked with protection, didn't care."

Cin let her ramble, and eventually pressed a kiss to her hair. "You've never tried to keep one," he pointed out. "And you've never been sober this long." He hesitated, and then added lightly, "And you're friends with a damn good healer."

"Who, Ash?" Amara asked. "He hates me right now."

"He doesn't hate you," Cin promised. "You should ask for his help, or at least his advice."

Amara grimaced. "Fine. I'll ask. But he's gonna say no."

---

Lev's fever broke two days later. He felt bone tired, and he ached, but he could focus for the first time in days. For a little while he reveled in the closeness, running his fingers down Nik's side, but eventually he looked up at Nik. "Hi," he rasped guiltily.

Nik's face was drawn, and Lev could see the exhaustion on his face. "Hi," he replied.

"I think my heat is over," Lev said in a small voice.

"I can see that. Why don't we get you something to eat?"

"Okay," Lev agreed easily. He hesitated, and then, "Are you mad at me?"

"Are you?"

"Mad at me or mad at you?" Lev blinked.

"At me," Nik clarified.

Lev shook his head a bit. "No?" He touched Nik's cheek lightly. "I wasn't and I am not mad at you. I- I don't know what that was. I can't explain it. My omega- my instincts were- strong. But they didn't make any sense. I wanted you. I promise."

The disbelief in Nik's face made Lev defensive, but he bit his tongue. Eventually Nik just said, "Can I put my shirt back on?"

"Oh. We're naked," Lev said, startled. "Right. Uh. Yeah?" He scooted away enough for Nik to be able to get his shirt. It hung loosely off of Nik. Lev watched him for a long moment, and then, "...mates?"

Nik lifted a brow. "So you remember that?"

Lev shook his head. "I remember what I felt. And I remember needing you. It got more fuzzy once Cam made me leave the closet." He tucked his face in the pillow briefly. "After that it's like my heat kicked into gear for real, and all I remember is it being hot."

"Yeah, you looked pretty out of it." He pinned Lev with a look "Please don't do that again. I thought you were out of the closet years ago."

Lev sat up slowly. "I won't," he promised earnestly. As Nik slid off the bed, Lev scooted towards the edge to follow. Nik was in the process of trying to pick Lev up when Ash barged in.

"Put him down," Ash snapped firmly.

Lev, who had barely made it of the bed, found himself plopped right back down. Nik looked guilty, but he glared at the bed rather than turn and face Ash.

"Hi, Ash," Lev said sheepishly, peeking around Nik. "I think my heat's over."

Ash glared at him, eyes glowing green with his magic. "Yeah, I can see that."

"I thought you couldn't see anything," Nik muttered.

Ash ignored Nik. "How are you feeling?"

Lev watched Nik sit down beside him before he said, "Better. Tired. Kind of achey, but- honestly I'm kind of hungry."

"I mean, probably. You haven't eaten anything in two days."

Lev blinked. "Oh." He stared at the IV in his arm for a good long moment, and then said, "I didn't mean to be such a-" He paused, frowning. "I can go eat now, can't I?"

"A little bit, yes," Ash said. "Your stomach is probably sensitive again."

Lev made a face this time. "Back to broth?" he asked sadly. He pushed himself up, holding onto the IV stand.

"If you hadn't ignored your instincts, we wouldn't be back to step one," Ash reminded him.

"I know," Lev replied. "I'd say I should have thought that through, but I wasn't exactly thinking at all." He looked back at Nik apologetically, and then said, "At least I'm better now."

Ash pointed to the bed. "Sit back down. You lost your standing rights. I'm getting you a wheelchair."

Lev blinked at him sadly. He would have argued, but his knees were already weak, and his head had been spinning lightly since he stood. He opened his mouth to agree, but even taking the step back to the bed was apparently a bit much. The ground rushed up to meet him.

Between Nik and Ash, Lev didn't actually hit the floor. Nik leaned over him as soon as they had him in the bed. "Are you okay?"

"Apparently not," Lev muttered, rubbing his forehead. He looked to Ash. "A wheelchair is probably a good idea."

Ash sighed. "Isn't it?"

"Can I do anything?" Nik asked, still sounding a bit panicked.

"I was going to get some pants," Lev said. "If you could get me some...?"

Nik was gone instantly. Lev peered out at Nik, and then at Ash. "I can still go get dinner, right?" Lev asked anxiously. "Just- with a wheelchair?"

Ash nodded. "It would do you good to get you out of this room."

"Can we go eat by the pool?" Nik asked in a small voice, setting Lev's pants down on the bed. Lev blinked, startled. He hadn't even known they had a pool. Of course Cameron had a pool.

"As long as Lev doesn't try to swim or drink the pool water, I guess."

Nik looked pleased, and looked to Lev, almost as if for permission. When Lev nodded, he all but beamed, and leaned over to kiss Lev's cheek. When Nik pulled away, Lev tugged him close again, pressing their foreheads together. He kissed Nik, soft and chaste. To his relief, Nik kissed back, if a little hesitant.

Lev pulled away before Ash could get annoyed, and looked down at the pants Nik had brought. "How am I gonna get dressed if I'm not able to stand up?" He asked pitifully.

"I'll help you," Ash replied.

And, well. That was that, Lev supposed.

Tagging: @incandescent-creativity @idreamonpaper @solangelo3088 @halstudies @littleyellowdinosaur @caelisis

#writeblr #writers on tumblr #wip boost #hell to pay #ch: cameron #ch: nik #ch: ash #ch: bay #ch: nadia #ch: darius

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axbxlx · 5 years ago

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Hell to Pay: Part Forty-Five