#it all makes sense now lmao
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Apparently in 1862 Lev Tolstoy decided to quit writing and focus on his work of educating the poor, but in 1863 started working on Anna Karenina
With all my dislike for the man, never before have I related to a classical writer this much
(And for the record, War and Peace came AFTER Anna Karenina, in case you needed to know just how well he quit)
#'once I'm done with AIDIB I'm NEVER writing again!!'#*less than a month later*#woe. mermaid AU be upon ye#cut to six months from then and I'm posting 16k OC character study oneshots lmao#he's just like me fr#I TOLD YOU it was him who was possessing me!!!#it all makes sense now lmao
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Sources: Wikipedia (Angel), Wikipedia (Robot), Wikipedia (Sacredness - Holy), Wikipedia (Guardian Angel), Wikipedia (Duty), Wikipedia (Seraph), Wikipedia (Transcendence - Religion), Wikipedia (Divinity)
#my webs#web weaving#webweaving#got this idea while writing about angels earlier and went oh!! okay let's do that#and then when choosing a format i was like hm a webweave is good but what if we started branching out yk? so we have this now#does it make sense? i hope it does lmao all the arranging and rearranging takes forever nobody tells you that#i heart parallels baby!!!#angelposting
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having seen at least the rough outlines of all the romances now I have to say that I think emmrich's is probably objectively the best in terms of coherence and completeness of story arc (with the understanding that ultimately the 'best' romance is whichever one makes YOUR heart sing anyway so objectivity is a silly thing to claim that way, it just felt like it's the arc with the most well-paced focused content and the least dangling threads)... but lucanis' is my favourite haha. just. the whole kneeling before your beloved full of reverence but without any of the distance that usually implies??? his complete undramatic certainty and calm in every scene with rook after this, having spent the whole game caught between fear and longing???? mr. lives in a pantry but it says nothing about my psyche don't worry about it it's purely for tactical reasons that I keep myself contained in a small dark room not entirely unlike a cell, love among the parsnips -- finally coming to rook in their room and it's so comfortable and comforting???? after all the times rook supports and comforts him through the game he's finally able to return the same to them when they need it while being so calm and steady and it's so fucking sweet and feels so effortless and with no price attached?????? he basically assigns himself the role of your bodyguard and he WILL stab a god over it??????????????? the turn to protector (which was in his heart all along longing to get out and find a place) of it all????? he sounds like he's found himself unexpectedly stumbling into such a soul-lightening state of revelatory existential relief, full on 'you only have to let the soft animal of your body love what it loves' mary oliver style, and he goes and he shares that with rook and protectively envelops them in it when they're hurting??????????????????????????? hello for the maker's sake hello can anyone hear me?????
#listen I was forged in the fires of garrusmancing. I went through two whole games just to get a gentle headbutt and some tender words#before me3 comes along and rewards you for your tenacity more fully#me? the reyes romancer???? I have the strength and headcanon game to bear the relative lack of content before the end#when the endgame is this good I am willing to hold out for it haha the way he looks at rook towards the end......#I also really liked taash' (it's really sweet) but I don't think I have any rooks ready to go right now who would go for that vibe#emmrich for sure is going to be my either crow or shadow dragon romance it really is very good! and extremely goth not unrelatedly#undeniably that old man has the most game out of anyone in this story. the move with the flower??? I'm sorry????#I actually like that lucanis' romance blooms out of the safety of an established friendship more than anything (again. avowed garrusmancer)#but emmrich... he's got some next level romantic stuff going on and is being both so wholesome and such a freak about it lmao#dragon age#dragon age: the veilguard#dragon age: the veilguard spoilers#dragon age spoilers#lucanis dellamorte#rook x lucanis#rookanis#all jokes aside I totally respect and understand that people are a bit disappointed and frustrated -- they're not wrong to feel that!#there really are some gaps in content there for the midgame#however I was personally custom built by experience to get the most out of this scenario as possible and by god I will#just as I feel that ryder and reyes go off and have some soul-shrivingly good sex after the first kiss#(it makes that arc make a lot more sense to me haha)#I think rook and lucanis Get Up To It after the second coffee date. weird of them to not show us that but okay I'll fill it in myself then
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concept: oops, draxum didn't put enough human dna into the turtle soup
#promptly flushed them sensing that the recipe had been fucked up beyond repair#now they are simply creechures#theyre all 'named' after sounds or vocalizations they make#which ofc are coincidentally similar to their canon names#drawn during therapy lmao#fidgetwing#rottmnt#rottmnt au#rottmnt donnie#rottmnt raph#rottmnt mikey#rottmnt leo#tmnt#rise of the tmnt#tmnt 2018#rottmnt fanart
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last night i had a dream about mouthwashing and it started out with the scene where swansea has the axe raised above daisukes head, and swansea says "close your eyes, daisuke." and so he closes his eyes and the axe comes down, and then he opens his eyes and shoots up into a sitting position and finds himself alone in the room, and he's like "...was that a dream...?" and anya appears out of nowhere and sits next to him and is like "you're ok now, daisuke." and daisuke is all freaked out and crying "i was so scared"
and anya hugs him and says "i know, daisuke." and they hold each other for a while, and then daisuke is like "where is everyone else..?" and anya smiles sadly and stands up, holding her hand out, and daisuke takes her hand and follows her out of the room and into the med-bay and he finds swansea crouched in front of something leaning against the wall, and curly is in the bed and jimmy is there too ig.
daisuke looks relieved and says "swansea! you're ok!!" and swansea turns and looks at daisuke and he has this heartbroken look on his face and daisuke is like "..whats.. going on..?" and jimmy isn't reacting to anything they're doing, but when daisuke looks over swanseas shoulder he sees himself, leaned up against the wall with his head caved in from the axe. next to him is anya, her face bloody, and swansea, with bullet holes in his head. and daisuke stares, not quite grasping what he's looking at, and the anya that walked in with him puts her hand on daisukes shoulder comfortingly, and swansea looks away, looking guilty, and daisuke is on the verge of a panic, not understanding, and he's like "n-no, i. i woke up, right? it was just a dream, right??"
and then i woke up. and it was just a dream.
#hello mouthwashing fandom#how are you#when i tell people i have wild dreams#i don't mean they're chaotic and don't make sense#i mean they make too much sense and have full plot lines#anyway.#um.#i'm not expecting anyone to read this#it's long#lmao#mouthwashing#mouthwashing game#curly mouthwashing#mouthwashing curly#mouthwashing anya#jimmy mouthwashing#eugh#swansea mouthwashing#daisuke mouthwashing#mouthwashing doesn't look like a word anymore#they all deserved better#except jimmy#squid dreams#is that a tag i have?#idk. it is now ig
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Why does Ren have 4 ears? Are they all real or is one set fake?
Hehe I’ve gotten this question a lot actually! They’re all real— I like to think hybridization isn’t always a clean balance of traits, so Ren just unfortunately ended up with two sets of ears— his Dog ears being much more receptive to sound, naturally— and sometimes when the extra intake of sound is too overwhelming, I imagine he wears earplugs in his human ears to help adjust :> it’s a bit weird, but idk! i like to make designs funky and nonconventional! I liked the idea that Ren had hearing struggles due to wonky hybridization and just kept the concept :>
#dbhc#dbhc ask#ask#anon#dbhc ren#renthedog#dbhc doc#since I talk about him in the tags FGBJCGHN#it’s another one of those situations where I drew it that way when I was younger because I didn’t really understand why ppl were drawing#hybrids with flat spaces where human ears should go and have dog ears on the top of the head— I couldn’t figure out anatomically#it makes more sense to me now since animals are literally like that but it’s just something I kept doing and came up with a better#reason for it later once I had a better understanding of stuff#I don’t necessarily think two sets of ears is logically more sound than reworking the anatomy of a human head to have ears on top but!#it’s really not that deep LMAO#I like the idea of hybridizations being wonky because weird stuff physically happens to people all the time#hybrid or not#and then we gotta deal with the physical consequences of stuff we were born with… yknow#ANYWAY WHAT A WEIRD RAMBLE#tldr funky hybrid who now has hearing problems/gets overwhelmed easily by sound. ren the dog I love you#and if you were to look into my soul you would find that I also think dbhc doc helped him craft earbuds using android tech to work perfectly#to tune out the sounds he needs#:3 because they are friends and I think doc should use his expertise to help make life easier for ren#I’M STILL RAMBLING!!!#good grief
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kaido and nendo casually watching saiki freak out over his crush and barely reacting or caring about why is so funny to me
#now the question is why do they barely react#as far as we know they never see him like this lmfao#theory hes just a fucking liar and does stupid shit like this all the time and just doesnt show us (/joking)#i'll never get over this nonreaction#more likely reason is just because nobody can fucking decipher his emotions LMAO#thats partly canon for their other classmates (that hes the quiet kid who nobody can tell what hes thinking)#so it makes sense that even his friends would be like ok idk i dont get it#i think later in the manga when they know him a bit better his friends can decipher his emotions a little better#so theyd probably react a little more lol#saiki k#tdlosk#the disastrous life of saiki k.#saiki kusuo#nendo riki#kaido shun#meows post
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daily life arc miura haru. does anyone know who i'm talking about. do you guys remember her. i still can't believe what happened to her 😔
#katekyo hitman reborn#khr#khr text post#miura haru#the fandom confessions blog reblogged a confession about the girls and how it's kind of a shame they're always given more depths through#the badass/girlboss who now knows how to use weapons route#and it made think of haru because like. of all the khr girls imo she's the one that route actually makes sense#both narratively and character wise#like if her characterization stayed the same post daily life arc and she was given decent focus and room within the story#post future arc or somewhere along i could have totally seen that happen and would have bought it no questions asked#like look me in the eye and tell me she wouldn't have gone 'so you're telling me you're dealing with the honest to god mafia?#okay so when do /i/ get a gun too so i can handle myself and give you guys a hand??'#i mean. she literally slapped then punched tsuna upon their first meeting because how dare he corrupt innocent children#and then challenged him through a duel wearing armor because how dare he not see the wrong of his ways#then tsuna saved her and she was /immediately/ like 'oh you're KIND and care about the people around you? okay nevermind i'll just become#the future vongola decimo's wife'#also she was literally right there when they attacked the tomaso's headquarters#and was also there to witness tsuna's 'first kill' and was like 'it's okay tsuna. i'll wait for you to come out of prison' lmao#she's so unhinged#she's so funny#she's ready to throw hands at all times no questions asked#amano free my girl she can do everything the boys are allowed to do too 😔
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Like my first love that September
Transcript & Context:
[The trial was an eye-opener for us and we shouldn't be afraid to reach out to help cope with trauma. We both went to therapy, my mum felt brave enough to open up about her mental health and I went to talk through my fears and distress and how to gain control of it. In the end, we decided to move to Henford-on-Bagley]
[The countryside promoted healing and we were less likely to be triggered by places or people. It was really an escape from the big city. Settling down was easy since my grandparents lived there. It was also my first time visiting the family farm and I loved every single moment in that house]
[Most importantly, I felt more relaxed in Henford-on-Bagley. No more pestering reporters or prying eyes of the neighbours. No more trouble sleeping or flashbacks to all the difficult times. Instead, it was a warm welcome from the villagers, who did not ask too many questions, well most of them anyway]
[Our wellbeing improved and we immediately fitted in with the community. It was a new beginning here which meant a different school, routine and people. And one person in particular stood out from everyone else]
[Henford-on-Bagley was where I met Nancy Montford. She was my first love]
The remaining story parts (the first love and the one after 👀) are the ones that I have most been looking forward to! And look who is his first love...Nancy (tjolc)!!! It is perfect with her cooking roots and how city detective also explores food. I've mentioned that Vincent likes cooking and you will find out how it came to that. Now the two legacies link 🤗 One more thing is Oscar has NO RELATION to Strangerville even though I initially created him to be the mysterious guy.
#tw mental health#tw trauma#ts4#sims 4#ts4 gameplay#ts4 legacy#ts4 story#postcard legacy#postcard gen 3#story: scars#plc x tjolc#vincent kingsley#payton wilkinson#nancy montford#nadine wilkinson#rowland wilkinson#i love how we are growing up with vincent!#previous 2 posts the ages were like 12/13 and now its 14/15 onwards#i dont get much reaction from the majority of you in comments etc so idek if everything makes sense to everyone 😅#no one asks for my context lmao but i feel like i need to explain stuff!#im just putting this out there that the rest is heartwarming stuff and no more worrying for you all...
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the closer we get to arcanes finale the more worried i am bc so often .. if not always .. things i like end in a way that i dislike so much it ruins everything else for me
and im so worried they pull a 'this is a multiverse' thing bc then they can say every skin is somehow canon bc its all different universes you seeeeee and jayce went mad bc he lived through all of them or something, or force it to end in a way that makes the champions end up like they are in game- Vi is a shitty cop, Jinx is just heehoo craycray bc xyz etc
#ganondoodles talks#personal#arcane#sorry i cant help but be rather pessimistic#and i know with the skin universes its kinda a multiverse already but like#a multiverse and different AUs are a different thing for me#i cant imagine how they can make this all end in a satifying way with just three more episodes with so many questions still#like the thing with isha and vander only happens so jinx loses every bit of sanity she had left and Vi goes welp#time to be a shitty enforcer#and then singed takes warwick again and makes him full wolf like in game and theres no connection left anymore bc his memory is fully cooke#or some shit#i REALLY dont want to be pessimistic but uh .... it usually happens with whatever i like and it has scarred me a little#i dont even know whats up with mel either??? they did the whole black rose stuff but#thats pulling in so much lore from noxus ... HOW can they make sense of it in 3 episodes?????#unless they make it a shitty teaser for more to come or soemthing i guess??#.. in any case- whenever i tried to be optimistic and then got disappointed anyway it hit me way harder#so im just gonna go with expecting the worst i can imagine so theres hope left to be surprised in a good way#after all they did go with warwick in a way i really liked for act 2 that is ... though the end im meh about#not a fan of the weird hexcore bullcrap in general tbh#though i like victor ... he was so nice to warwick .. even though i wish he wasnt a cult leader now lmao
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potential builds to draw: maybe mumbo's vault from this season? or etho's s7 monstrosity?
i went with the monstrosity which ended up being a lot more difficult than i thought lol. i have a couple more screenshot i wanna draw too so i might add to these at some point
#the thing is like. usually with fanart of bases - the builds are always supposed to resemble /something/#wether thats an irl architecture style or a fantasy style or a real material and physics and whatever. which makes fanart easier#cause you can use that as reference#but with the monstrosity thats kinda impossible cause it doesnt really. resemble anything#its like if there was a style of architecture that was just 'minecraft' it would look like this i think#this doesnt make sense at all sorry ill stop talking now#anyway. i love this build very much but drawing it is a struggle lmao#my art#hermitcraft#ethoslab#etho
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every time gricko semi-mockingly imitates kremy by going 'and then kremy'll be like 'waddadoo waddadoo fellas etc.', years get added to my lifespan and my skin clears
#kremy is my favorite and I think we should all make relentless fun of him for being as he is at all times <3#once upon a witchlight#legends of avantris#gricko grimgrin#kremy lecroux#the power balance as it were between gricko and kremy is really weird and interesting#like when gricko puts his foot down about something that concerns one of the others or the whole group kremy tends to listen#they are the two oldest people in the krew I suppose. and despite having some common sense frost lacks the gravitas#(due to being a bABY a little in his twenties kitten boy what the fuck!!! you ever remember that gricko is like... twice as old as frost.#incredible and wild) to really stand up to kremy a lot of the time#and obviously. torbek is torbek lol#kremy and gideon are a bit more of their own thing within the group and kremy does listen to gideon within that#but honestly they seem to be pretty on the same wavelength about a lot of the big stuff too haha#just partnership stuff <3#but when it's the whole group gricko is often the opposing 'other parent' to kremy's awful team mom antics#and it's really interesting#kremy *definitely* does not respect him in the conventional sense lmao but he does listen now and then#these characters can have dynamics and interactions so complicated and weird as a treat (a treat FOR ME!)
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Fanfiction is so goated actually
No monetary incentive, just writing in one's free time. Some incentive for like kudos and comments, because who doesn't want to hear that someone else enjoyed what they wrote. Just writing a story that is good and/or enjoyable, no real-life pressure to keep it going because god forbid you and other people are depending on it financially.
Writing a story because you want to write a good story, so you can write what they want the way you want, at a pace that is realistic for you, with exactly the plot pacing you want there to be.
#c*rny posts#thinking about this after the my h*ro academia leaks lmao#i have read barely a few chapters of the manga and then kept up with it through tumblr osmosis#i was interested in how its gonna end#and after reading the leaks i was like 'well its up to the fanfic writers to write a good ending now'#cause. it was kind of underwhelming. like some stuff made sense and some things were just done badly#which is realistic considering h*rikoshi is apparently burned out to hell#and i was thinking. man. if i had to write AND illustrate a story for like ten years straight. because its my bread and butter#and there are other people depending on the story doing well to make money#it would 100% get to me. i would rather end it all lmao#which is why i think fanfic is so great#just writing a story that you want. that makes sense to you. that has elements you want. that is exactly as long as you want.#and there isnt even a possibility of really monetizing it so there is no drive to make is 'succeed' or make it as long as possible#this could be applied to just writing a 'regular' story also that is not intended for publishing#also kinda makes me think about h*ikyuu#i kinda do feel the timeskip and the ending were a bit rushed#but like. if it was me. i would have rushed it too lmao#after so many years of working on one thing and one thing only i would have been so done. just so done#and h*ikyuu ending to me wasnt even bad. it was good with good resolution of everything. with characters evolving and achieving their dreams#not necessarily volleyball related (like tenma)#the progress made realistic sense#but it did feel a bit rushed#anyway#fanfic and writing for yourself is great#and manga authors face way too much pressure from people dependent on them. from fans. even from society in general
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Glamtober 24- "Dress To Impress"
"And you're sure this'll help?" "If that simpleton doesn't take notice of you after this, then he is by far the most dense man I have ever had the displeasure to know."
Lady Laniaitte de Haillenarte assisting Hazel in getting ready for an outing with one Emmanellain de Fortemps, mostly for the sake of her own sanity watching the "Will They/Won't They" unfold right before her eyes.
Hazel Glam-
Boulevardier's Hat (Jet Black & Dalamud Red)
Valentione Emissary's Ruffled Dress (Jet Black)
Dirndl's Wrist Torque (Dalamud Red)
Woodland Warden's Skirt (Jet Black & Dalamud Red)
Loyal Housemaid's Pumps (Dalamud Red & Jet Black)
Rakshasa Earring of Slaying
Archeo Kingdom Choker of Slaying
#ffxiv#ffxivglamtober2024#ffxiv gpose#ffxiv screenshots#ffxiv oc#au ra#xaela#hazel kha#Reg!Hazel#elezen#laniaitte de haillenarte#emmazel#Fun fact: Hazel's red streaks in her hair are canonically from hair dye#Might've been obvious from my other shots but I still wanted to mention it#I'm now obsessing in my brain over the pre-relationship status of Emm and Hazel#Not that Emm would be that dense to see her advances#But rather his self-esteem issues keeping him from committing to begin with#“She can do better than me” or along those lines#He's still working on his self confidence after all#Some might think it's a step too far but it makes sense to me#Especially with how before he was fawning after someone that clearly had zero interest in him#As if it was a distraction from ever seriously considering a relationship#Did NOT mean this to be a dive into Emmanellain's confidence issues but here we are lmao
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what did he mean by this…..
#khdr#khframes twt posted this today and now I’m Thinking#what do you mean by more or less……#is he just being his casual self or is this a deliberate choice of words#and#this implies that when you pass down your main keyblade that means you’re no longer a wielder#which makes sense#I wonder if that means the MoM specifically can never wield a keyblade again. or if he just doesn’t have one at this point#and can potentially wield another one later if he chose to#cause we see him summon xehanort’s but it’s not the same thing yknow#and I wonder if that applies to all wielders#(sorry I added all these tags after lmao this is what I get for posting prematurely)#my posts
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🤍🌷 @stevesbipanic and @the-winged-doe asked to see ugly unpolished unrefined words, soo—
cw & tags: past major character death, grief, attempted time-travel fix-it(s), eddie&robin besties || potential wip
Eddie takes a long drag of his cigarette, the biting hot smoke hitting the back of his throat and clawing its way into his lungs, going as deep as he allows and leaving a permanent mark that brings neither relief nor calmness tonight. His fingers shake where they’re pressed to his lips, but the rest of him is unmoving where he sits on the front porch of their new trailer.
It’s quiet out here. It’s always quiet in Hawkins these days, the city a fucking ghosttown.
And he knows it’s not because of the one they lost. He knows it’s not because of him. But still the emptiness is stark and the silence oppressivem more so than it ever has been.
Everyone still looks for him, months later. Dustin still begins to speak, cutting himself off mid-sentence, and Robin still stands with enough space to either side, like she expects him to just show up and invade her space like the home he made for himself in there.
And somewhere among all that is Eddie. With his very own history. Or, non-history, as it turns out. But history and non-history leave wounds alike, and the memories feel just as real. A small mercy, at the end of the day, for them to feel real when they’re all he has left anymore.
He takes another drag, not quite exhaling before he obliterates the cigarette and fishes for a new one before the butt even hits the ground.
Fumbling with the lighter in his pocket, he only gets as far as placing the butt between his lips before a hand snakes into his field of vision to snag it from his mouth.
“Hey,” he complains halfheartedly but makes no attempt at getting it back, watching instead as Robin comes up to sit beside him, grimacing at the stink of tobacco that must be heavy around him.
“You’re disgusting,” she says with no real heat behind her words.
Eddie shrugs, because yeah, sure. He’s been called worse things. Robin’s called him worse things. This is her being nice. Her complaininig about his incessant smoking is nothing new. What is new is what she does next, placing the cigarette between her own lips and reaching for the light he’s been holding in a loose grip since she arrived.
She starts coughing immediately, pulling a face at the disgusting feeling of smoke in her lungs and tobacco on her tongue. But she keeps going. Eddie can only watch in surprise and mild horror.
“These things’ll kill you,” he says then in an echo of her usual sentiment, aware that he sounds as bewildered as he feels.
“Well,” Robin says, aiming for casual, but quickly interrupted by a wheeze and a cough that’s almost adorable. “Let them try.”
Eddie huffs, a pale little smile lingering on his lips as he leans back against the stairs behind him, resting his weight on his forearm to watch her. There is something captivating about her. Eddie always wonders what it is, wants to study her forever.
Maybe it’s only the lingering traces of Everything Steve Harrington that clings to her every breath, her every move, her every fucking cell, with how much he was a part of her and she of him. Maybe it’s their shared grief that has made Eddie fall a bit in love with her and with the way the moonlight catches in her hair and in the smoke wafting from her cigarette.
But somehow he refuses to believe that all he loves about her is merely the memory of Steve.
Robin, in turn, is kind enough to let him stare. Kind enough to let him find out what it is between them. If this friendship is more than a misguided projection of grief and mourning and trauma; more than co-dependence and the obsessive will to keep this one person in your life. This one person who understands.
After a while of Robin just holding the cigarette between her fingers, becuase no matter how strong her will to self destruct, she never quite got it right with the smoking, Eddie snatches it back before it goes to waste completely. As if pulled in by a string attached to his hollowed out chest, Robin leans back and into him in one smooth motion. It’s too calculated, though, and Eddie can feel how much she sags once she doesn’t have to hold herself up anymore.
He’ll hold her. It’s fine. She gets to rest if she wants to. God knows she needs it.
The night is warm for mid-September, but still Robin shakes against him. Eddie holds her closer.
Silence settles over them, and it’s not an easy one. Silence is never easy anymore, especially with them. He feels so deeply hollow that even the silence echoes in there, creating an ever-present, uncomfortable thrumming of apprehension and anxiety within him. A certain sense of doom, one that can’t quite decide if it’s only an echo itself.
“I wanna stop time,” Robin says at last, the cigarette long dead between Eddie’s fingers, but he somehow can’t bring himself to flick it away. “I don’t want tomorrow.”
I don’t ever want a new day. I don’t ever want another tomorrow. I just want Steve.
They ring in his head still, another echo that only hollows him out further every time it reaches him — Robin, overcome with hysterical grief, screaming and crying, curled up on that hospital floor, her cries quieting down and making Eddie wish she would be loud again, because the quiet was what killed him. The quiet, the whispered words, the declarations that tomorrow could go fuck itself if it came without Steve made him wish, irrationally, desperately, that their roles were reversed. That he could have died and Steve could have lived, and Robin would never have to wish tomorrow never came.
He’s not entirely sure if she remembers the words, too. If she even said them in this world.
So he takes a deep breath, breathes away memories and non-histories, feels the heavy weight of his guitar pick hanging around his neck, resting on the scarred flesh of his chest, and tries not to think of the one string left on his acoustic guitar. Tries not to think of his one last attempt. One last try.
“I know,” he tells her. “Me neither.”
He peers over her head, lifting his left wrist to check his watch. Ten minutes until midnight. Ten minutes until Steve’s birthday.
“It’s not tomorrow yet,” he tries lamely, and Robin huffs — the sound wet and bitter and hopeless, making Eddie’s eyes sting.
“It’s always fucking tomorrow,” she rasps, her voice flat and wavering, and Eddie knows her well enough to know she’s about to cry. And she knows him well enough to do it.
“I know,” he says again, and reaches for his necklace through his shirt. One more attempt. One more try. One more chance. His eyes burn.
She turns to him after taking a moment to compose herself, peering up at him through her lashes.
“Tell me again?”
His heart falls, the tense apprehension vanishing from the air, bur quickly replaced by something a lot more heavy. Something that looks and smells and feels like grief.
They both know he’ll do anything she asks. He can’t really bear saying not to her. And not about this, anyway — she’s the only one who knows.
She’s the one who should have had the chance.
“Which part?” he asks, holding a new cigarette out for her to light it. She does, and the both follow the flame of the lighter Robin always keeps in her pocket these days.
She leans forward and takes a drag. Eddie lets her.
“All of them.“
Eddie sighs, pain welling up inside him, and he closes his eyes against the night sky. “Robbie,” he pleads, but he doesn’t finish his plea. He’ll do it. He’ll do anything she asks.
But before he starts recounting the tales of how he almost saved Steve Harrington, he finds himself saying something he never thought he’d tell her.
“There’s one more.” The words hang in the air, and Robin doesn’t react. Has no idea what’s coming; what he’s about to tell her. The guitar pick is heavy on the necklace around his throat. “There’s one more try. One more chance. I’m… I have one more—“
He can’t even finish the sentence. Can’t bring himself to say it, lest it all be jinxed forever. He doesn’t want to hope. Wants to carry this weight for all eternity and never think about all those times he failed to save someone he was never meant to save at all. People like Eddie, they’re not made to save anyone. Hell, they can’t even save themselves.
Steve was supposed to be the one doing the saving.
And he did. God, he fucking did. But he was never supposed to—
Cold fingers wrap around his own as Robin fits their hands together.
“I hate you a little bit for telling me.”
Eddie nods, trying to focus on the cold hand and the nicotine in his lungs, trying not to let panic and grief and guilt and the heavy weight of one more chance win. “I know.”
“Hey, Eddie?” Robin says after a while, the silence stretching on, and it’s almost midnight now. “Can you— Would you do something for me?”
He turns his head, flicking the butt of his cigarette out into the darkness beyond them. “What’s that?”
“Don’t— Don’t try to, to save him. Don’t— Just… Just maybe, could you celebrate his birthday with him? Make sure he knows he’s… God, make sure he knows he’s loved? Last year, no one really made time on his birthday and we just moved it backwards but God, could you— It’s almost midnight, and—“
“Robbie,” Eddie interrupts her, his voice hoarse and wavering, his eyes burning with tears as he tugs her close and holds her to his chest. “You should go. Don’t you wanna…”
But she’s shaking her head against him with a vehemence that can hardly be misunderstood.
“No,” she cries, and it’s more of a sob than anything. “I think if I ever saw him again, I’d… I don’t know what I’d do. Burn the whole fucking world to the ground for him or some shit, I can’t— I’d probably just cry all the time and that wouldn’t be helpful, really.” There’s a weak, wet laugh that bubbles out of both of them, and Eddie’s wiping at Robin’s face, drying the tears and making way for new ones to fall.
“I’d light a fire for you,” Eddie says, the same weak smile on his lips that Robin meets him with now. “Nineteen fucking fires, you hear me?”
She laughs again, then buries her face in his neck in a way that never quite fit. In a way that Eddie always knew was supposed to be someone else’s neck.
But he’s not here anymore. And Eddie can’t get him back. No matter how much he aches for it, no matter how much he learned over and over and over again how easy it is to love Steve Harrington and how hard, how fucking impossible it is to lose him. Over and over and over again.
And to live without him. This one fucking time they all get. It’s not fair.
And now Robin is asking him to go back one more time and make sure that Steve knows— That he knows.
Somehow the thought of that feels nobler than any attempt to save him, to bring him back; to rewrite history from a lonely boy’s perspective and hope that no one else is reading along.
It feels right, too. Fundamentally and suddenly, and with such an intensity that Eddie knows the decision has been made the second he started telling her.
Still he hesitates. Robin’s sobs have calmed down, and Eddie’s hand finds its way into her hair.
“Do you really mean it?”
She nods.
He nods, too, but slower. Like he’s trying to sway himself. Which way, he doesn’t know.
“Make him happy.”
“Okay,” he decides after a while, feeling hollow and desperate, but feeling purpose burning underneath his skin again. “One last time.”
He unwinds his arms from around her and heads inside to grab his acoustic guitar. The last remaining string, badly untuned because he never dared to touch it, stares back at him in both mockery and invitation. A dare. A chance. A promise.
Outside, Robin is waiting for him, looking anxious. Eddie wants to hug her. He doesn’t, only tightens his grip around the guitar’s neck.
“Listen, Eddie, if this is goodbye or something—“
“It’s a birthday party, Robsie,” he interrupts her, aiming for light, aiming for brave. “I’m coming back right here.”
“I know,” she rushes to say, taking a step toward him and wringing her hands. It’s endearing. It’s genuine. Eddie really is a little in love with her. “But, y’know, you don’t mess with time, and I don’t know what all you already changed before and I don’t wanna know but… If this is goodbye, if something happens, I just wanna tell you that I’m gonna miss you. And that I think you’re really cool. And that Steve’s— he’s really missing out, okay. Okay?”
Eddie breathes, taking in her words and letting them soak into his body, his every last fibre.
“Okay,” he smiles. “Thank you. You’re… I’m kind of in love with you, Robin Buckley. So there had better be no change in the universe, ‘cause that would really suck.”
They smile at each other, Eddie with his guitar and Robin with her lighter, and somehow this feels like a deja-vu. The antithesis to a moment forever burned into his memory.
Make him pay.
Make him happy.
Eddie tugs on his necklace and plays the string before he can think about it too hard; before he can decide otherwise.
Distantly, he hears the church bells announcing midnight as the world around him fades.
🤍 permanent tag list gang: @skiddit @inklessletter @aringofsalt @hellion-child @cryptic-cryptid @hotluncheddie @gutterflower77 @auroraplume @steddieonbigboy @n0-1-important @stevesjockstrap @puppy-steve @izzy2210 @itsall-taken @mangoinacan13 @madigoround @pukner @i-amthepizzaman @swimmingbirdrunningrock @hammity-hammer @stevesbipanic @bitchysunflower @estrellami-1 @goodolefashionedloverboi @awkwardgravity1 @devondespresso @bookworm0690 (lmk if you want on or off, for this story or permanently)
#steddie#steddie fic#eddie & robin#eddie munson#robin buckley#robin and eddie are grieving besties now#me writing another story about death and the inability to grieve?? it’s more likely than you think#this one probably doesn’t make sense yet because they’re both refusing to think about what’s real or think about anything at all#so past present and future need time to develop above the damaged psyche of two entirely too young adults#so bear with me and give us time#anyway i’m posting this despite its unpolished ugliness bc this is as good as it gets#if i were anything like my self this would be a 7k study but as it turns out writing about grief is exhausting#(hi taglist gang i hope it was okay to tag you for entirely too raw a draft for anyone to lay eyes on lmao 🤍)
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