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bumblequinn · 11 months

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hi @sourpatchsquids! thank you for your question.

as an artist with ADHD, i know this struggle very well. unfortunately offering advice on this kind of thing can be tricky, because what works for me may not work for you (and vice versa!). nonetheless, i can try; take whatever works for you, forget the rest, or reshape any part of it as you see fit. :)

but before i offer any actual tools, i have one caveat. i want you to take a moment to reflect and consider if you should be:

changing expectations

the timing of this question seems fated, because just the other day i had a therapy session wherein i expressed my grief and frustration over struggling to work lately due to my seasonal depression. it's not fair that i'm struggling just because it got a little darker outside! i just want the spark i had in the summer! i was so much more consistent!

my therapist's response: nothing about human beings is consistent. we get sick, we get tired, we get hungry and thirsty (and thirsty) and sad and lonely and restless and stressed and overwhelmed. this all gets amplified for folks who are atypical in some way or another.

when my therapist compared our seasonal cycles to those of plants and other animals, who wilt and slow down and hibernate, i protested aloud that i wanted to be a perennial instead. at this she said: even perennials change with the seasons. rose bushes have to be pruned, sometimes down to half their height! it was a dose of perspective i didn't particularly want, but really needed.

so when you're struggling to work through executive dysfunction, burnout, or brain fog, it can help to first check in with yourself about a few things. what do you have the capacity for right now? do you need any accommodation? and if so, what changes you might make to accommodate yourself?

with practice and self reflection, i've learned a handful of specific routines that help me when i'm struggling with creative work, which i'll detail next. note that while your question is specifically about music and i am specifically a musician, i believe that all of these suggestions can apply to most any form of digital creative work.

with that in mind:

#1: work slower

when i'm at the top of my game, i can get a LOT done in a day. but when i'm depressed, fatigued, or distracted, i just can't go full steam. sometimes i'll try to convince myself that i can if i just push harder, but what actually ends up happening is that i'm just fiddling with settings and going in circles rather than moving forward.

instead of that, when i want to work a lot but can't, i try to work slow. how slow? however slow i need to. take four hours to figure out the melody for a single verse. take all day to figure out that drum groove. yeah, i take a lot of breaks in between. who says i have to be my Absolute Most Productive Every Day Or Else? that's the puritan work ethic talking. kill it. be kind to yourself.

i'm reminded of advice i once read about some super successful and prolific author (gaiman? king? pratchett?) who said they wrote only four hundred words every weekday. that's already less than the word count of this post, and i'm only—[travels into the future to check my final word count]... 22.8% of the way through writing it!

now, i don't think i could function that way, because ADHD means some days i'm hyperfocused like crazy, and other days i just have no steam at all (more on that in #4-6). but it seems to me that if even someone highly respected in their profession can achieve what they have with only a little bit of work on a regular basis, maybe i don't have to punish myself for not pumping out a finished work every single week.

doing less work per day means you're much less likely to burn out, which does a lot for working more consistently. if that consistency still doesn't look like a five-day work week, that's okay! as long as it helps you work even a little more often when you want to, it's something worth doing.

however, if you're still feeling truly stuck, all hope isn't lost. you can still try:

#2: switch projects

sometimes the reason i'm moving slow is because of a bad brain day, but sometimes the reason is that i just cannot muster the motivation to do the specific task i'm trying to do right now. ADHD is fueled by novelty and interest, and if i'm not interested in what i'm doing, or it's feeling stale, that's a sign that i need to switch gears.

this is why first it's helpful for me to have more than one project going at a time. this might mean completely unrelated works, or it might just mean related tracks as with the music for a game like SLARPG or susan taxpayer.

the idea here is not to start a dozen different projects and bounce around them like i'm playing whac-a-mole—though i have done that. (i don't recommend it.) the idea here is to have a manageable number of different projects i can be working on so that if i get bored or stuck on something, i have fallback options.

what that number of projects is depends entirely on the week. maybe right now it's two, maybe another time it's three. i would probably be getting carried away if i tried more than that, but that's just my own limit. maybe yours is different. that's something for you to think about.

but it doesn't have to stop there.

#3: switch focus

maybe there is this one project that i just HAVE to work on, but the task i'm trying to do at this stage just isn't coming to me. okay, well, why don't i try working on a different task?

let's say i can't figure out what i want to do with the melody in one part of the song:

what if i try jumping ahead to a different part of the melody? ...no, i'm stumped on melodies today. okay, how about working on the drums instead? ...hmm no, i think i'm just completely tapped out on writing parts right now. alright, what if i organized my tracks, making sure they're all grouped and named in a way that i can work with easily? what if i did a rough volume balance for the mix?

and so on. if that's not enough to shake the off stuckness, i might consider: what can i do to make this project more interesting to me?

what happens if i try using an instrument or effect that i almost never reach for? what if i try sampling something obscure? what if i bang out the drums using my midi keyboard instead of drawing it in on the piano roll?

any approach that breaks me out of my usual habits is bound to get that feeling of novelty and fun back when i need it.

or maybe i can't do any of that right now, and so i take the time to answer a question from a fellow musician instead. i consider that part of my work, too, in a broader sense. check in with yourself and figure out what you can do right now. the rest will still be there later.

but okay, let's say you try switching gears, and switching again, and again, and nothing is moving. you try new approaches, but that wall of awful is insurmountable in this moment. it happens! the next thing you might try is:

#4: learn something new

when you aren't able to make progress on your projects, you can still make progress on your knowledge and craft. i often find this stokes a flame of inspiration in me where there wasn't one before. and even when it doesn't, it still gets my brain out of that feeling of stuckness and dread and into one of thought and action. learning also benefits in the long term because it adds to the well of knowledge from which you draw for all your future works.

for all the awfulness that exists on the internet, it remains an absolute treasure trove of teaching. there's an endless ocean of videos, blog posts, and articles from which you might learn something about your craft. (and if you sail the seven seas, plenty of book PDFs as well. 🦜🏴‍☠️)

it's true that the quality and depth of information out there can vary wildly, but in my experience most resources get at least some things right. and the more you research, practice, and figure out what works for you, the better you will learn to differentiate between the advice worth keeping, and the advice to forget. (that goes for all of what i'm saying here, too!)

that said, since our shared focus is music, a few resources i would highly recommend are:

music theory and composition music matters, 12tone, charles cornell, music with myles, 8-bit music theory, and this introduction by andrew huang

mixing and production dan worrall (especially this series for fabfilter), kush after hours, red means recording, andrew huang, alice yalcin efe, in the mix

general inspiration nahre sol, ben levin, david hilowitz, game score fanfare, posy, jerobeam fenderson, open reel ensemble, and ELECTRONICOS FANTASTICOS!

(if any readers have their own helpful resources for creating music or any other media, feel free to share in the replies & reblogs! 💓)

of course, on an especially bad day, it might be a challenge to seek out information, let alone retain it. that can feel pretty bad, but remember: be kind to yourself. the next thing you might consider trying is:

#5: consume art you love

not just music. books. shows. movies. games. illustration. animation. whatever moves and inspires you.

but do it intentionally. don't just pull up some random thing the algorithm suggested! check in with yourself about what you want (or are able) to engage with right now. choose accordingly. if you get a little way into it and realize it's not scratching that itch, hit the bricks. check in with yourself again. wash, rinse, repeat, until you find whatever it is that speaks to you right now.

and do it actively, if you can. don't just let it go in one eye and out the other! really pay attention to the work. what do you like about it? what are its themes and motifs? what makes it work so well? what are its flaws, and how much do they matter? what might you do differently? you can write notes as you do this if it helps, but even simply noticing and thinking goes a long way.

what you don't want to do is come at this with a lens of shame or envy. you're not here just to say to yourself, "ugh, if only i could do THAT." it's okay if it happens. use that thought as a springboard for curiosity: "well okay, how DID they do that? do i have the resources for it? if so, how could i apply that to my own work? if not, how can i adapt it, or what do i need to learn?" keep your mind open and approach the work with a sense of wonder.

as a creative person, it's very easy to think, "i should be making something right now, not watching a movie!" but that thought forgets something vital: your art is a response in a conversation. of course the "language" you use is your own, and maybe if you're lucky you'll invent a new word. but most of the words you use have been around long before you were born. you're just one voice in a dialogue that spans continents and generations, and that's okay. it's even the whole point.

none of us is an island. we are profoundly social animals. just as we can't live without eating, we can't make without learning. so half of making art is consuming it. consider this part of the process as well.

and finally,

#6: rest, and live your life

let's say you're in really dire straits. you've tried working slower. you tried changing focus, you tried changing projects. you want to take in new information or actively engage with your favorite art, but you're not in the headspace for it. what now?

take a nap. take a walk. take a shower. eat a nice meal, or an okay one. talk to a friend. maybe even do that chore you've been putting off (you know the one).

it's human to always crave making, but you're not a machine—and even if you were, machines need regular maintenance, too! you wouldn't drive a car that's completely out of gas, and you won't do yourself any favors treating your body that way either.

i know that when you take a break it feels as though you're not accomplishing anything, but you are: you're taking care of your animal self. and while you do that, your creative brain doesn't stop working! much like windows, it has countless background processes running at any given moment, with inscrutable names like "cbdhsvc_692da" or "Microsoft Edge Update Service." it's true, i checked.

when you're stuck on a project and you step away to rest, your brain is still chipping away at your ideas unconsciously. i like to tell people, "it's percolating." much like waiting for a pot of water to boil, that idea is still heating up, even when you take a step away. just be sure to check in on it once in a while. the time will pass, and it'll be boiling again before long. :)

before i go, i'll leave you with one last thing to keep in mind as you try all of these strategies:

be kind to yourself.

being human is just about one of the hardest things you can do. let alone being a human trying to survive capitalism while living with disabilities! the last thing you need on top of that is to overwork yourself, talk to yourself negatively, or treat yourself harshly. there are plenty of other people in the world who do that to you—don't be one of them.

i'm not saying that you shouldn't try to challenge yourself, to test your limits and go above and beyond your ambitions, if that's what you want to do. just remember that hard work and self compassion are not mutually exclusive. so be careful not to bully yourself. take pride in the progress you make, even when it seems small. encourage yourself like you would a friend who's going through a hard time. and when you challenge yourself, be your own cheerleader.

i hope you find this advice helpful! remember, this is just what helps me, so don't feel like you have to follow any of it exactly. maybe taking time to learn new information helps break you out of your rut more than working slowly, so you reach for that tool first. maybe having multiple projects going at once is too distracting for you, so you prefer to stick to one at a time. whatever your needs are, feel free to alter and adapt these ideas to fit you.

thank you for reading, and i wish you the best of luck in your creating.

with care, bee 🐦

#adhd #advice #asks #from #sourpatchsquids

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incognit0slut · 1 year

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Right Kind of Wrong (3)

She never thought she would be involved in a murder investigation. She also never thought she’d encounter her one-night-stand again—the awkward stranger who isn’t exactly that good in bed… Or is he? Offended by the sentiment, Spencer is determined to prove her wrong. But the more he gets tangled with the beautiful stranger, the more he realizes there is more to her than what meets the eye.

Part Summary: she gets involved in a murder case she least expected as a familiar face greets her. wc: 3,7k

Warnings: 18+, explicit sexual content, blood, graphic details of murder

A/n: this part is kind of slow but it’s very important for the plot

Other parts: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14

Y/N WAS GOING TO QUIT. She was sure of it. Her mind was constantly trying to plan how she would execute the idea without making a scene because she considered slamming her resignation letter on Jamison's desk, dramatically claiming him as a disgusting, chauvinistic bitter old man who only got laid because his wife took pity on him.

She was walking back to her desk after bearing another one of his, "I don't think you can do the job, L/n. Let the men go out to the field and cover the story."

She was also a journalist, for god's sake. And a good one at that. What made that old man think she wasn't as capable as any other male peers around her? Was she too much of a woman to go out on the field and cover stories that were judged as too dangerous for her?

She let out a scoff. The Jamison Lynch worried about her safety? That sounded even more absurd.

"He did it again, didn't he?" Y/n found Sandy, the closest friend she had in this male-dominated agency, peering over her cubicle. She was from the finance department and would often come to entertain her whenever she needed an ear to cry out her frustration. "What is it this time?"

She cleared her throat and made an attempt of lowering her voice into a deeper pitch. "L/n, I don't think you understand how dangerous it is for you to be out there. Let the men do the job."

Sandy laughed. "That's actually a good impression. What work was he talking about?"

"Kevin Marshall's case." Y/n sat back in her chair and frowned. "The ironic thing is, I was the one who found out about this case. I told him about doing a story of it before he snitched this opportunity and gave it to Eric."

"So Eric's covering the story now?"

"Yeah." She rolled her eyes and crossed her arms. "They're still talking about it in his office."

Sandy blew a low whistle. "That sucks."

She felt beyond frustrated. It seemed so unfair how she always got the bad end of the stick just because she wasn't born with a penis. She told Sandy exactly that which she cackled in return.

"On a serious note," Sandy muttered after her fits of laughter died down and leaned closer. "What happened to Mr. Marshall was terrible."

"You didn't hear this from me, but the police found him stabbed to death and..." she looked around their surroundings, motioning her friend to inch closer. "...there was some writing carved on his body."

Sandy's eyes went wide. "No way."

She nodded. "A friend of a friend of a friend of mine heard it from the forensic team."

"What were the words?"

"Well, if I were to be the one assigned to this case, we would've found out." She shook her head and let out another frustrated cry. "I'm going to quit this job."

"You said that last month," Sandy reminded her. "And the month before that, also, the month before that. Oh, did I mention you also said that several months ago—"

She held out her hand. "Alright, I got it." She glanced over the closed door at the end of the hallway, her mind drifting towards the two men discussing her supposedly case behind it. "I really mean it this time."

"Sure," Sandy absentmindedly agreed. "Wait, didn't you know Mr. Marshall?"

"Not really. I only met him once for work." She winced as her thought traveled to the time she encountered the man who was brutally murdered two days ago. "Let's just say he wasn’t exactly the greatest person to interview."

"No kidding."

She dismissed the topic by waving her hand. "It happened a long time ago, let's not bring that up. I'd feel terrible bad-mouthing him after what happened." She then let out a sigh. "It would be quite a story to cover though."

"Yeah, well, screw Jamison for taking it away for you." Sandy's eyes suddenly gleamed as they narrowed towards the automatic door at the corner of the room. "At least your boyfriend is here."

Y/n spotted the young man walking their way and laughed. "He's not my boyfriend."

"I don't think he got the memo," Sandy whispered before straightening herself, giving the man a huge grin as he stopped at her desk. "Hey, Oliver."

"Hi, Sandy." He greeted slowly. "How are you?"

"Better now that I've seen your pretty face."

Oliver Walsh was indeed an absolutely stunning man. He was tall and lean with broad shoulders and a very defined face. He was a little mysterious and reserved, but underneath that veneer was someone who was kind and caring.

He might not be the most outgoing person, but he had a genuine sweetness that made him attractive and likable. He also happened to have the hugest crush on Y/n the moment he first stepped foot inside this building.

Oliver gave Sandy a smile. "You look beautiful yourself."

Sandy rolled her eyes playfully. "We know I'm not the one you should be sweeping off her feet." She then gave Y/n a pointed look. "I'll see you tomorrow."

"What? You're going home already?"

"Got a hot date tonight!" Sandy overly shared before sauntering out of their sight. Y/n shook her head at her friend's antics before glancing up to see Oliver staring at her with the same look he had been giving her ever since the moment he had introduced himself.

His clear affection didn't go unnoticed. It somehow managed to be a public assumption that he was head over heels for her, something that was often discussed between their peers. As much as she wanted to reciprocate his feelings because she understood how difficult it was to be on the other side of unrequited love, she merely saw him as a guy she often worked with.

"Can I help you, Oliver?" She asked, already weary of the grin plastered on his face.

"No, I just wanted to see how you were doing."

Her face fell at his words. "How I'm doing?"

"I heard Jamison snatched a very important job from you."

"Wow," she gasped, not understanding how he knew this information already. But then again, people had the tendency to share things they overheard. "News really does travel fast around here."

"There's no such thing as secrets in this place. But seriously, how are you holding up?"

She simply shrugged. "Oh, I don't know. Angry? Frustrated? Like I want to strangle Jamison myself?"

"Y/n, there's no such thing as a bad bone in your body."

"What? You don't think I'm capable of hurting him?"

"Nope. You're the sweetest person I know."

She snorted. "That's because you keep seeing me through rose-tinted glass."

"Maybe." Oliver crossed his arms and leaned his hips over her desk. "Is there anything I can do to help?"

She shook her head. He raised his brows. "Really? You can't think of anything?" She shook her head again. "Perhaps something to appease your frustration? Chocolate? You do love chocolate."

"I do, but I don't think anything sweet can even calm me down."

"Then how about a drink? Coffee? Beer? You and me? Together? Tonight?"

She let out a disbelief laugh as she stood up, making an attempt to gather her things. "Don't be so sly, Oliver."

He merely gave her a bashful smile. "Can't blame a guy for trying."

"It's never going to work between us." She paused dramatically. "Do you want to know why?"

He slowly nodded, eying her with earnest interest.

"Because you see, Oliver," she drawled as she closed the distance between them. She peered up at him through her lashes and threw him a grin. "I never mix business with pleasure."

She gave him a playful wink before turning around, leaving him dumbfounded and speechless as he stood there where she had left him. He let out an amused laugh before calling out, "I'm going to make you change your mind!”

She lifted her hand and waved at him without looking back. "Goodnight, Walsh."

His laughter was the last thing she heard before she turned around the corner, heading towards the parking area.

Turning him down was the right thing to do. She was not in the right place to be emotionally involved with other people right now. After going through so many heartbreaks and disappointments in the past, she couldn't take any more of the dating scene. It was just a bunch of awkward interactions and unmet expectations while feeling worn down by the whole process. She couldn't even remember the last time she was involved with a man.

A sudden mock laughter rang at the back of her head. You were involved with a complete stranger two nights ago!

Romantically, she corrected. She couldn't remember the last time she was involved with a man romantically.

Oh, great. Now she was fighting with herself upon what had happened that night. That... overwhelming and embarrassing night which she did not want to speak of. Overwhelming because of how much she wanted to see him again, embarrassing because she knew he did not feel the same.

She groaned as her mind somehow drifted to memory, her mind reminiscing that intoxicating feeling of his tongue inside her mouth for the first time. Or that moment before he settled above her, sinking between her legs as the tip of his hard, throbbing length squeezed into her warm entrance—

No! Don't even go there!

She stopped her pace and stood by the entryway of the parking lot, trying to calm her erratic heartbeat. She needed a moment to breathe. Between her frustration toward her boss, the constant interest from her fellow colleague, and the rush of sexual heat at that core memory, her head was starting to spin.

It wasn't until a sudden weight shoved her from the back that she woke from her trance. She jolted forward from the impact before her bag fell onto the ground, the remnants of her things spilling out, and scattered along her feet. "What the hell?"

She looked up to see the back side of a man moving forward in a hurry, not even sparing her a glance.

"Hey!" She shouted, clearly annoyed by the fact an unidentified man wearing a dark hoodie covering his face didn't have the decency to apologize. When he turned around the corner and escaped her line of vision, she realized she wasn't going to get the apology she desired.

She picked up her belongings while muttering curses under her breath. Her phone which lay a few inches away from her feet suddenly vibrated, the loud sound of an incoming call echoing throughout the open space of the lot. She peered over towards the screen and groaned.

She shoved the phone inside her bag and went on her way as she spotted her car. "Now's not the time, Jamison," she mumbled to herself, already irritated by how the night had turned out.

Her phone went silent again. It wasn't until she was a few feet away from her car that it began its chime a second time. The sound felt heavy in her ears and she finally got to her car, leaned against it, and reluctantly dug into her bag to retrieve the device.

She clutched onto it with disdain because Jamison was known to be persistent while also being inconsiderate and thoughtless. If she ignored him he would find another way to get under her skin. She slumped against the cool material of her car and slowly took a deep, aggravating breath before receiving the call. "Yes, Jamison—"

There was heavy breathing at the end of the line. A static sound greeted her before a loud crash echoed in the background. She looked over her phone screen before pressing it back against her ear. "Jamison?"

"...help..."

His croaked voice shot shivers down her spine. She straightened herself as panic washed over her body. Her boss was known for being very loud as he loved being the center of attention. But his voice sounded so quiet now. It didn't have that hint of self-centered confidence he liked to portray. It even sounded as if he were... in pain?

"Jamison?" She gulped and without thinking of her actions, her feet somehow moved on their own, navigating her back to where she had left. "Jamison, what's wrong? Are you hurt? Can you hear me?"

"...Y/n..." Crash. Cough. Gasp. "...help—"

The line went dead.

Y/n wasn't exactly a fit person. Her only form of physical activity would be the number of stairs she climbed up and down in her apartment building. But her feet were moving very fast on its own right now. She didn't care how running in a pair of flats wasn't the best idea, the mortification of something awful happening to someone asking for her assistance was gnawing into her consciousness.

The moment she was on her office floor, she took notice of how nothing seemed to be out of the ordinary. The place was exactly how she had left minus all the people hanging by their respective desks. Because it was very, very quiet and the silence felt oddly eerie to her. Half of the lights were off and her steps halted for a moment as she entered her cubicle space, suddenly self-aware of the possibility of how something dangerous might occur.

Then she heard a scream. A deep, dreadful scream followed by a train of curses came from what she assumed was Jamison's office. Her feet moved again and her frightened demeanor was replaced by concern as she increased her pace, turning to the hallway towards his office.

Her movement faltered when she realized she wasn't alone. A very frightened-looking Eric Adler stood by Jamison's door before he turned around at the sound of her footsteps.

"Eric?"

His voice was etched with panic and horror as he rushed forward and held her by the arms. "No, Y/n."

"...what?" Her eyes shot behind him, noticing Jamison's door jarred open. She tried to escape his grip. "You don't understand. He called me—"

"No. Please. You don't want to see him in there—"

"Let go of me! He called—"

"Y/n." His grip tightened. "He's—he's... gone."

She looked up to see her coworker, the same man who simply stood in silence this evening as he took the job she had wanted. The confused look in his eyes from the sudden responsibility he had to take on that particular moment was now replaced by terror; a look of sheer horror, one which conveyed utter fear and panic. It was a look of complete devastation and utter helplessness, a look that made his soul seem to have been just sucked out of his body. It was the kind of look that conveyed the deepest despair one could possibly feel.

He's gone.

Gone could mean a lot of things. It could mean disappearance. It could mean an emotional state of feeling disconnected from the world. But this gone... she understood what it meant. She understood the weight of the word the moment her eyes spotted the surge of blood coming from Jamison's office.

There was so much blood that she should've felt disgusted by the amount of it, but her mind was too busy trying to convince herself that it was real. It wasn't until her eyes spotted a hand sprawled lifelessly across the floor that her stomach started to churn. The stone rings circling around the fingers were the exact rings she often saw on her boss.

The realization on her face had Eric pulling her away. But before he could drag her, she saw a glimpse of the lifeless body, and what she caught had her completely stunned. More than feeling mortified by the scene, a sense of bewilderment settled in. The disbelief of such a coincidence happening etched her mind as she peered over the body one last time.

Because something was carved along his arm.

There was a lot of waiting. Feeling impatient was one of the most frustrating things to ever exist, it made her feel anxious and restless about the lack of progress after Eric had called the authorities. He had guided her to the front area of the receptionist, given her a blanket he had found somewhere in the office—which she wasn't sure who it even belonged to—and given her a cup of warm tea as he made some calls.

She sat there, watching her coworker pace back and forth along the marble floor. She could tell Eric's mind was secretly all over the place with his disheveled hair and dark circles underneath his eyes, but somehow he managed to keep his calm.

He was steady, still a little fazed with the whole ordeal, but managed to keep checking up on her every five minutes. He even had the time to apologize for taking her job before she merely shook it off. It wasn't his decision to snatch away the opportunity. Though it felt inappropriate to point fingers at the person who actually did decide on the matter when he was lying in the other room covered in his own blood.

She shuddered again. There were so many questions running through her mind. What kind of person would do a terrible, gruesome thing to another human being? It was always the same question she had whenever she encountered such devastating news. She once read in an article that there were roughly 300,000 people who were killed by murder each year worldwide, and to think that one of them happened to somebody she knew felt so surreal.

The authorities finally came an hour later followed by a group of people wearing protective suits. The waiting for their arrival was very long, but everything happened so fast the moment they introduced themselves. A detective in an oversized suit talked to her and Eric separately, asking what happened prior to finding the body.

She suddenly felt nauseous as she recalled Jamison's phone call, how pained and desperate his voice sounded. It wasn't until she heard herself say it out loud that she realized the possibility of the killer being in the same room on that phone call. Or even in the same room as her as she entered the vicinity of their office.

"Ms. L/n?" Y/n looked up to see the detective watching her with worry. "Are you alright?"

No, she wasn't. But she merely nodded and gave him a smile. "I will be."

He returned the smile with a genuine one of his own and glanced at his watch. "You should get some sleep, Ms. L/n. If you have any more information please don't hesitate to contact us."

Then he left her standing there alone, watching people bustling around her with different equipment. She could hear the faint sound of the ambulance from the distance, smell the intoxicating scent of chemicals coming from the medics, and sense her fatigue creeping along her body as her eyes noted the time showed on the massive clock plastered on the wall.

"Ms. L/n?"

Y/n turned to see a man standing close, his dark eyes watching her cautiously. There was a sense of confidence in his posture that she couldn't help but notice. "Yes?"

"Mr. Adler told me where to find you." She frowned at the mention of Eric before her confusion deepened at the badge presented in front of her. "I'm SSA Derek Morgan from the FBI."

"FBI?"

"Yes," he confirmed, shoving his badge back into his pocket. "I'd like to ask you a few questions regarding this past event."

She crossed her arms. "I don't think my boss being brutally killed should be called an event." She steadied her gaze on him. "And I've already talked to the detective."

"My apologies, and I'm terribly sorry for your loss." He gave her an apologetic smile. "Although I would appreciate it if you can spare a few minutes of your time."

She observed him, watching him hesitantly before letting out a heavy sigh. "I guess so."

"Is there anywhere private we can talk?"

His attempt at keeping their conversation confidential from all the people swarming by had her quirking an eyebrow. She nodded and guided him toward the closest space that could provide them some privacy. "Sure... We can use the conference room down here."

"Thank you. My partner will also be present with us if you don't mind."

She looked him up and down. "There's two of you?"

"There's two of us," Agent Morgan confirmed, slightly smiling at the condescending tone of her voice. "Dr. Reid will shortly join us."

The silence after that statement was very, very palpable. The sudden stillness was one that typically left her feeling completely baffled, a state of total shock and disbelief over a familiar name unexpectedly mentioned. The uncertainty of her ability to hear left her frozen in her tracks, waiting for her brain to catch up with the sudden information. "Doctor... Reid?"

"Dr. Spencer Reid. He was talking to Mr. Adler a while ago—wait, there he is." Agent Morgan's voice grew louder as his eyes focused on the man behind them. "Reid! Over here!"

He surely couldn't be...?

She shook her head. The world wasn't that small, was it? Even though she was very bad at remembering names, how could she forget the exact same one she wrongly called as a result of her pettiness? And besides, there must be a lot of people possessing the same name, surely it was a different person.

Though the deafening lack of sound was jarring as if every other sound had been sucked out of the room. It almost felt like everything was frozen in time as her eyes settled on the man standing a few feet away from her. Because there he was, the same man who awkwardly flirted with her two days ago.

The same man who grabbed her by the waist the moment she looked up at him with need. The same man who leaned in closer, the tension charged with anticipation and desire before it lead to an explosion of passion that couldn't be quelled.

But the desperate longing in his eyes from that night was changed into mortification, and when she thought her night couldn’t go more terrible than it already was, it had gotten even worse.

>> NEXT PART

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wildesqdreams · 1 year

Text

sick in love

navigation | masterlist | request | taglist

pairing - vinnie hacker x female!reader

a/n: kinda hate this, kinda don't. kinda disgusting, kinda cute. but anyways i'm sick, so this came to mind, hope you'll enjoy it even a little bit.

y/n's eyes opened as she heard her doorbell ringing. she closed them. the girl didn't have any strength to get up, since she had been vomiting all night, and finally had fallen asleep.

but as the girl thought the ringing would stop, she suddenly heard knocking with a voice, "y/n?! hellooo, please, open up... y/n/n?"

y/n sighed, as she got up.

she couldn't just ignore her boyfriend, especially when she heard his worried voice. the girl walked to the door, resting her hand on her stomach, as it hurt, from the vomiting.

she opened the door and saw the boy in front of her, "vinnie, what are you doing here?" y/n quietly asked.

"what am i doing here?!" vinnie answered frustrated, as he walked in, "you should have been at the house an hour ago," his voice raised a little, "and where the fuck is your phone?! you haven't answered my calls or texts."

the girl closed the door and turned to face vinnie.

slight panic was visible in his eyes and y/n mentally cursed herself for not giving him a text, about her not being able to stay with him for the weekend.

as she opened her mouth to say something, she felt the sickness come up, and she rushed to the bathroom, crouching down in front of the toilet.

soon vinnie's hand was felt on her back, while he gathered her hair away from her face, "hey, it's okay."

vomiting never came easy for y/n. so she felt horrible when her boyfriend needed to hear the sounds, coming from her. but his hand rubbing gently and soothingly on her back, made the girl relax a bit.

when she was done, y/n flushed the toilet and turned her head to vinnie, "i have been up since 4 am, vomiting my guts out, and i'm sorr-"

"hey, hey there's no need to be," she felt vinnie wipe the few tears away from her eyes, "i understand, it's gonna be alright," he pressed a kiss to her forehead, "wait-"

"what?" her eyes met vinnie's, as he pulled back and intensely looked at her. but when y/n saw vinnie's eyes flick to her stomach, she understood what he was about to ask.

"are you-"

"no, vinnie," she chuckled, "i'm not pregnant, just caught a virus, some kind."

"okay," he nodded, "well, then," he grabbed his phone from his sweatpants pocket, "i'm gonna text jack that i'm staying with you, and we're gonna go get some sleep," and with that said he sent his text and looked at the girl with a loving smile that made her heart melt.

vinnie got up and helped y/n just for him to put his hands behind her thighs, so he could lift her up. she wrapped her legs around his waist and arms around his neck. the girl felt three kisses being placed on her neck, as she was carried to her bedroom.

the boy gently put her in the bed as she got under the sheets, him immediately joining her.

y/n snuggled closer to vinnie, as he put his hand over her waist, "i've really missed this... feels like forever since i've seen you."

the couple didn't live together. and since y/n studied in university, they didn't see each other so much, only on the weekends. but even those were sometimes spent apart, when the boy was traveling or the girl was studying.

"umm, actually i wanted to talk about something with you."

y/n hummed.

"well, i was thinking, maybe you would want to come live with me?"

the girl immediately pushed back and lifted her head, as she looked at her boyfriend, "you serious?"

she felt him put a strand of hair behind her ear, "yeah, i've already talked to the boys and they love the idea and that way we wouldn't have to spend so much time away from each other... so what you say?"

"i would love to," she smiled.

vinnie's lip corners lifted as he kissed her forehead.

y/n rested her head back against his chest, as the boy pulled her closer, "i love you."

"i love you too."

taglist: @willowpains @ellajjade21 @ilovejjmaybank @hallecarey1

#vinnie imagines #vinnie hacker x y/n #vinnie hacker x you #vinnie #vinnie hacker fanfic #vinnie hacker #vinnie hacker x reader #vinnie hacker imagine #vinnie hacker blurb #vinnie hacker fic #vinnie hacker fluff #vinnie x y/n #vinnie x you #vinnie x reader #vinnie fic #vinnie fanfic #vinnie fluff #vinnie blurb #vhackerr

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freakartack · 3 months

Note

What is your least favourite misconception or fan interpretation of the WarioWare cast?

And/or do you have a favourite headcanon the community has made for the cast?

Oooohhhh we are really going for the hot hot takes today huh. Just handing me the baseball bat like that

Well I suppose it had to come to this. I've been dancing around this for far too long. It's time for

TOP 10 FREAKATTACK HARDASS MOMENTS

NOTE: please do not open this if me shitting on popular headcanons will ruin your day. I don't generally care what people do with their life do what you want forever

OK with that out of the way it's time to get narsty. Many of these will be ship-related so if that will make you mad or bored just a heads up

1. MONA AND WARIO ARE IN LOVE

OK i lied you can't do this one forever. ENOUGH!! She is in HIGH SCHOOL and if you think she has to secretly be an adult just because she has a job and drives a scooter then not only have you never been to high school but you also have not been paying attention during any of Kat and Ana's cutscenes. "High schoolers don't usually drive that much" 5-year-olds don't usually trek the mountains high and kill people with swords but they do. I get when people get frustrated that almost all the girl characters in warioware are marketable kids, because that does kind of suck, but you can't just ignore that to get shippy about it. Cmon. "Wario was dreaming about her in that 1 microgame break" yeah, and I thought that was weird. I choose to read it as a non-romantic moment (since, again, he's old enough to be her dad), and the fact is that nothing like that has happened since. Yeah mona might think he's a hunka hunka but she has every right to! Doesn't mean they have to get married

2. MIKE AND ORBULON ARE IN LOVE

This one will stir far more pots/torches/pitchforks/etc. but since we're bringing out the fine china i might as well go all out. Here's my reasoning: Orbulon is 2000 years old. Mike is like 2. I'm not saying this one is Problematic (mike is a robot that can file taxes after all) but moreso that it is unrealistic. Picture this: You are orbulon, with all of your weird hangups and whatnot. Your buddy that fixes your car all the time and plays Go with you just had a robot son. Would you fall in love with him? Probably not. On the other end of the coin, you're the robot son now. Your inventor/employer/cyborg dad keeps inviting this weird animal into your house to study it. I don't think he would fall in love with that either. "I would," you say, "i'm built different." And more power to you. I just don't think they are.

3. LUIGI AND DAISY ARE MONA'S PARENTS

FINALLY, a non-shippy one! Anyways, since Get it Together came out, a lot of people took one blurry picture on the wall and the shape of mona's house to mean that Mona's House is actually Luigi's Mansion and that Luigi and Daisy had a child together 16 years ago and promptly abandoned it to play tennis. I think it is obvious by now that I don't think that's true. Not only has Mona described her parents extensively (one of them is an artist that is obsessed with noses, the other is a supermodel that travels the world), but neither of them are anything like Luigi and Daisy. "But what if Luigi is secretly obsessed with noses and Daisy is secretly a supermodel," you say. Okay. Then I think that Luigi cheated on Daisy with Peach, and had Rosalina together, because Peach and Rosalina both have blond hair and Luigi had a telescope once. Don't play games with me, Matthew. I know what you are.

4. PYORO IS INNOCENT

He's not

--------------------

OK now that all of that is out of the way, let's move on to the fun stuff. Top ten favorite things that people have said about warioware!!!

1. PENNY IS DR. CRYGOR'S CLONE

I first saw this thought expressed here, but I've seen many people continue the sentiment and I think it's beautiful. Penny Crygor is the good doctor's transgender lesbian clone whom we all love dearly.

2. ORBULON KNOWS WHAT WAS GOING ON WITH POLYBIUS BUT WON'T TELL ANYONE

Self-explanatory. Unfortunately the genius who thought of this one has since deactivated and the post is forever under an inaccessible read-more so this is the only evidence i have that it ever existed. You have to trust me on this one.

3. WARIO IS LIKE THEIR DAD

This isn't really a headcanon moreso a popular interpretation of the text but I do like to think that despite being a jackass he does genuinely care about all the weirdos he has racked up, including the many wayward children that have glommed onto him over the years. This is like every toxic "we're all a family here!" workplace, except that they actually are all a family here and it's toxic for unrelated reasons

#not art #THESE ARE THE WITNESS PROTECTION TAKES I WAS TALKING ABOUT

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bonefall · 11 months

Note

Screaming crying throwing up at the Thunder spoiler thread because

-THUNDER SPOILERS-

Frostpaw coming to the realization that the Park Cats have a culture that she likes better than the culture of the clans, and wanting to bring elements of it back home with her? That COULD be an actually good use of a traveling book, and it WOULD be an actually nice change to see the clans do any kind of self-reflection on the violence of their culture. Unfortunately, I don’t trust the Erins even a little bit to follow through in any kind of satisfactory way on that plot thread, so I worry it’s going to result in the Clans once again looking at an outside culture and taking a very xenophobic lesson away from interacting with it.

I'm still trying to work out my feelings on the return of the Park Cats... overall, I think I'm feeling pretty frustrated, and it's coloring my perception of them

I also really disliked Riverstar's Home, though. I hated the traveling, I didn't find the Park very interesting in practice, was annoyed by a ton of small things. It felt like the book only got good once we were back in the forest, so, maybe I'm still tasting my sour introduction to the Park cats.

I also don't have any faith in the authors to handle Waffle and Wasp well, or any of the practices Frostpaw is planning to bring home. At this point I'm expecting it. What's really on my mind is... why?

Why did they create a whole little unchanging cultural bubble, a group under glass, exactly the same as it was during the dawn of the clans... when they were just going to blast Frostpaw with The Avatar State anyway?

She can talk to Riverstar whenever. And every ancestor who served under him. And you don't even have to waste 6 chapters on travelling. Could we not have learned about meditation from Riverstar, if the Erins are soooo eager to shove the ancestors into this and write him as her spirit guide?

Like, all this time dedicated to a culture whose one trait is meditating. I have frustrations with the Sisters and Tribe, but they're interesting concepts, with their own spiritual beliefs, government, and customs. So far, the neo-Park has been bland.

Like Guardians, a bare-bones group that showed up once in an SE and just existed to serve the Clan cats for a while, and send Tigerheart back with new characters.

But like, back to the Lesson of the Park Cats, whatever thing Frostpaw could bring home

I just... man, I go off about Clan Culture and its violence literally all the time, but this arc has been ridiculously peaceful. We are 4/6ths of the way through and there was one major battle, at the end of a book, which was bloodless. All the fighting has been arguments.

What exactly is Frostpaw going to learn from the Park cats? How to be passive? Is that going to help RiverClan get rid of the occupying army? Will the power of mindfulness help them un-forget all of their battle training and remind them how to do their own laundry?

If (if.) The Erins have planned all this out, then what they're going to do next is have Frostpaw take what she's learned, and use it to help un-divide RiverClan.

Which TO BE CLEAR would be good for Frostpaw as a character!

But that's not addressing the violence of clan culture or even leaning into it. That wouldn't really be a cultural change, so much as Frostpaw having learned leadership skills... which, again, makes me wonder what the point of a culture frozen in time really was, when they blasted her with this super strong, unprecedented magic connection to StarClan.

Idk. Just, generally not vibing with this book if the spoiler thread is to be believed.

#Asc spoilers #Thunder spoilers #No.. nO WAIT... I just fucking realised #If we DO get froststar... The spaying plays right back into how women leaders have a double standard about having kits!!!!!#UGHHH HELPPP I DONT WANT THAT #PlEASE JUST BE NORMAL ABOUT POWERFUL WOMEN #Anyway. Im thinking about how im gonna retool the park guys #Because the park culture is just as foundational to early BB!clan culture as tribe culture is #Because unlike these writers i actually care about sociology and the evolution of culture through time #I'm thinking about that one bog body lmao and king sacrifices #Maybe I'll take a look at the Beaker people nearby for inspiration

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ladykailitha · 1 year

Text

All My Roads Lead Back to You Part 17

Welp. We are in the home stretch. I’m almost done writing the last chapter and then there will be a small epilogue. Thank you so much for sharing this ride with me on this one.

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part 8 Part 9 Part 10 Part 11 Part 12 Part 13 Part 14 Part 15 Part 16

Edie isn’t exactly sure when it started happening, but she began to notice little changes in her dad’s eating habits. Some times he would go for seconds if he liked it or he would keep some kind of fruit on hand to snack on.

But knowing her dad’s past also helped her notice when he would get that thousand yard stare or when he would jump at certain sounds. Knowing that he had walked through hell, not just once, but multiple times was like slotting in a piece of the puzzle you didn’t know was missing. And just watching all the other pieces that didn’t make sense before form a complete picture.

She knew that they had told her was only scratching the surface. Things they weren’t directly involved in but didn’t want to know. After she was told about their past Mr Munson gave her permission to dig into the incident surrounding the actual fucking lynch mob that was led by a psychotic basketball star.

What made her the angriest was that the asshole died in the earthquake and never had to deal with the consequences of his actions. That the town took that as liberty to just sweep it under the rug. The police chief quietly resigned two years later. No one that was involved in the witch hunt was actually punished for what they did to Mr Munson.

So she decided she was going to make a long distance phone call. A very long distance phone call.

“Miss Thing!” Lily Byers greeted cheerfully. “To what do I owe this totally awesome pleasure?”

“Cousin Itt!” Edie greeted back. “How’s it rocking, girlie?”

“You know,” Lily said, “as much as I love traveling the world, I got soo super jelly of your prom pictures. I’m trying to convince Mom to let spend the last year of high school with you.”

“Just say the word, Cousin Itt,” Edie said seriously, “I will deploy the puppy dog eyes.”

Lily laughed. “I’m not quite that desperate. Yet.”

“Duly noted,” Edie said. “Hey, I need a favor. But first how much do you know about your parents’ high school days?”

“You talking normal angst filled love triangles?” Lily ask slowly. “Or are we talking about nightmare fuel?”

“Nightmare fuel.”

Lily let out a slow breath. “I got ‘read in’ last year.” Edie could feel the air quotes from here. “I’m guessing you’re new to the ‘my parents are fucked up’ club?”

“About a month I guess,” Edie said with a sigh. “Me and Harri Munson. They tell you about what happened to his dad? Eddie Munson? Not the monster shit, but the normies fucking shit up stuff?”

Lily let out another long sigh. “Yeah. The witch hunt of the century.”

“Can you please explain why your mother and father didn’t expose the fucking town the way they did the Lab?” Edie asked pinching the bridge of her nose in frustration.

“That is a really good question, Miss Thing,” Lily said. “And I think you just gave me new leverage against my parents over the whole high school senior year dealio. I’ll get back to you.”

“Love you lots!” Edie said.

“Love you more!” Lily replied and then hung up.

“You know,” a voice said from behind her, “that’s a pretty low blow, weaponizing your cousin that way.”

Edie whirled around to see her dad leaning against the doorframe of her bedroom. His arms were crossed over his chest, but he had an easy smile on his face.

“Don’t you know it’s rude to eavesdrop,” she said glaring at him.

“I just came to ask if you wanted pizza or kebabs tonight,” he said, his smile turning into a grin. “I did knock. A couple times in fact. But you were the one plotting world takeover with your bedroom door open.”

Edie flopped on her bed. “Is that one of the reasons we rarely get together, because we’d take over the world?”

Steve laughed. “One of many. One of many.”

Edie grinned. “I’m just correcting a miscarriage of justice is all.”

“Oh, is that all?” he asked grinning back at her. “Knowing Lily Byers like I do, I fully expect an expose by the end of the week and formal apology from the city of Hawkins and the state of Indiana to Eddie by the end of the month.”

Edie pretended to toss non-existent long hair over her shoulder. “Good.”

Steve pulled her in for a hug. “I think the reason she didn’t is because of me.”

Edie pulled away slightly. “What do you mean?”

“I think she didn’t want to stir up feelings for Eddie after he left.”

“But he left three months after,” Edie insisted. “Why didn’t she say something then?”

“Our town was nearly destroyed,” Steve reminded her. “And the government had found a scapegoat in Henry Creel, got Eddie off and all this while Eddie was still in a coma from being nearly ripped to bits. She had a lot on her mind those first three months. We all did. And then he got a record deal, he was going to be famous. She probably didn’t want to make waves for him and ruin his chances.”

“Damn it,” she sighed. “Those are all really good reason not blow up the biggest scandal since the ‘gas leak’.”

“So maybe tell Lily to ease up a bit on her mom?” Steve asked.

“Not a snowball’s chance in hell, Dad.”

Steve sighed. He figured that was the answer, but felt he had to try. At least a little.

School was ending and Edie and Harri both had summer school. Mandy and Kenny were free, but then they were good in school and mostly liked by the teachers.

Their rich school was a bit backwards. Probably because it had only been built in the last decade, but Mr Pearson wasn’t the only teacher that turned their noses up at old money students like Edie. She had the misfortune to be old money, too. Her family’s wealth went back as far a century at least.

She wasn’t third or even fourth generation wealthy. Her great-great grandparents were stinking rich. They were among the few families to come out of the stock market crash and Great Depression relatively unscathed. It’s why Dad’s trust fund was so sought after.

A trust fund that only grew because he may not have had a head for numbers, he had a head for business. He knew when to pull out if something was failing and when to pour more money in if they looked on the verge of discovery.

But it meant that all the teachers thought that her dad didn’t earn having his daughter at their school. So they always went a lot harder on Edie then they did her friends. All three of which had parents that came from nothing or very little to make their wealth. Mandy and Harri were both children of rock stars. Kenny’s mom invented some kitchen gadget that had taken the world by storm and now was in nearly every house in the country.

Harri was only joining her in summer school hell because two of the credits he needed to graduation next year didn’t transfer over and he had zero desire to sit with sophomores and juniors his last year of school.

“They should standardize the curriculum across the country,” Harri grumbled, kicking at a rock on their way into school.

Edie sighed. She agreed with him, but if they had she wouldn’t have a summer school buddy to be miserable with.

“I hear that,” was what she said instead. “And you should be allowed to skip a class if you don’t want to take it. As long as you get two years of math, who cares if it’s just basic math. It’s like judging a fish by its ability to climb or however that quote goes.”

“Right?” Harri agreed. “Like if what you want to go into takes heavy math that sure, you do the advanced math, but if you’re going into art and the only math you’re going to need is fractions they shouldn’t have to force you into bullshit like that.”

They both had to take a math class and a science class, so they took the same ones so that they could at least have a study buddy.

“I hate that I have to do this,” Edie groused as she flopped down in a desk somewhere near the back of the class. “It means I can’t go to the gala this year.”

“Gala?” Harri asked, sliding into the desk next to hers. “What gala?”

“The biggest event my dad does all year,” she explained, resting her head on her hands and staring off into the distance dreamily. “He’s involved in a shit ton of charities, but this is his biggest. It’s like the it party of the year and everyone foams at the mouth for an invite.”

“So why can’t you go?” Harri asked.

“Because for everyone else it’s a one night event,” Edie said, “but for my dad it’s a week long thing just prepping for it. And because I have summer school, I can’t help him. His rule has always been that I’ve been too young and that was supposed to change this year. I was going to help out and get to go. But because I have this stupid shit, I have to spend the week at Mandy’s.”

“You’re nearly eighteen,” Harri protested. “Can’t you be left home alone?”

Edie sighed. “If it was about Dad being gone all the time, sure. But it’s not. It’s held at the house. Or rather the backyard. There are people coming and going all hours of the day and night. Setting up lights, preparing food, setting up tables. It’s a whole thing. And if I want to actually pass these classes...”

Harri winced. “You can’t be around all that shit...Point well and truly taken. So what are you going to do instead?”

Edie shrugged. “Normally Mr Lawrence lets Mandy have a party that night and we stay up late watching movies, but I think the Lawrences are going this year, so I don’t know what’s going to happen.”

Harri opened his mouth to ask another question, but the teacher chose that moment to walk in and they were forced to pay attention to the class.

***

Part 18 Epilogue

@spectrum-spectre @estrellami-1 @zerokrox-blog @artiststarme @swimmingbirdrunningrock @gregre369 @pyrohonk @trashpocket @goodolefashionedloverboi @chaoticlovingdreamer @maya-custodios-dionach @messrs-weasley @val-from-lawrence @plyerice27 @mightbeasleep @thedragonsaunt @chaoticlovingdreamer @trashpocket @sapphirecobalt-1 @a-little-unsteddie @i-must-potato @danili666 @carlyv @rozzieroos @wonderland-girl143-blog @itsall-taken @steddie-as-they-go @lillemilly @callas-shitshow @bisexualdisastersworld @renaissan-vvitch @immortal-iratze @bookbinderbitch @cardigangoth @lilacrobin @nightmareglitter @nerdsconquerall @stxrcrossed186

#My writing #stranger things #steddie #reconnecting years later AU #ladykailtiha writes

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duckapus · 10 months

Text

It's Time to Raise the Curtains, It's Time to Light the Lights...

In a random, nondescript field somewhere in the Mushroom Kingdom, a portal opens, and SMG4, Mario, Luigi, Meggy, Tari and the Bobowski twins come through it, having just finished their trip to the new SMG universe (which went predictably off-the-rails, of course). However, Tari notices something strange about this particular field...

"Um, is it just me, or is this grass actually felt?"

Sure enough, when everyone stops to look it's revealed that the ground is made of bright green felt as far as the eye can see. The group lets out a collective groan as they each come to the most likely conclusion; they must have accidentally gone to the wrong universe.

"Goddamnit, this is the fourth time today." Bob turns to glare at 4, "You have got to start practicing your portals more instead of just letting 3 do it all the time."

"But he's so much better at it..." realizing his whining isn't helping his case, he shakes off the frustration and gets back to business, "Alright, this time for sure!"

Meggy leans over to Mario, "That's what he said the last three times."

Not hearing her whispers or Mario's muffled laughter, 4 readies the Command, visualizes the Showgrounds in his mind, snaps his fingers with a flourish...and nothing happens.

"...wot"

After a few moments of shock (and enduring everyone's blank stares) SMG4 chuckles nervously, "Lemme just-just try that again." once again, he readies the Command, visualizes, snaps...and nothing.

It's at this point that Luigi, predictably, starts getting nervous, "Ooooh boy."

"C'mon, this can't be happening..." snap! snap! snap!

While 4 and Luigi quickly spiral into a panic, Marcy realizes something, "So, I'm not exactly an expert on all these Computer Person things, but don't your powers only do absolutely nothing like this when they're being blocked?"

This snaps 4 out of his...snapping, and he pulls up his command box, "Yeah, that's right! Lemme just look here and...aha! Looks like the interference is coming from over that way!"

Now with a goal in mind, the group starts walking in the direction he points, occasionally passing trees and bushes that seem to be stage props rather than actual plants. Eventually, they crest a decently sized hill and spot what seems to be a small town.

"Alright, let's ask around, see if the people here have noticed anything strange lately."

However, as they walk into town, they discover that the inhabitants are plenty strange themselves. The fact that they're all made of felt and other fabrics is of course to be expected given what they've seen so far. The real trouble is that they all seem to have the same blankly cheerful expression, made immediately obvious due to every single one of them stopping in their tracks and turning to look at the group as soon as they pass the threshold...and the fact that some of them feel eerily familiar.

One of the townsfolk approaches them, suddenly much more animate during his greeting, "Well howdy there, newcomers! What brings you around here?"

Seeing that everyone else is still to unnerved to respond (not that she can blame them), Meggy takes the initiative, "Uh, hi! We're a little lost and were hoping we could get some help?"

"Why, we'd be glad to help you folks! What kinda help do you need?"

At this point 4 manages to get past his own nerves, seeing as this is actually going surprisingly smoothly, "Would you happen to know if there's something or someone around here that messes with computers? The travel method we use isn't working because of some kind of local interference."

"Hm...can't say that I know about anything like that. The king might though."

"Really?"

"Oh yeah, the king knows all sorts of things, and he absolutely loves helping people find their way! Come on, I'll take you to him!"

"Thank you so much!" as she and 4 start following the townsperson, Meggy calls back to the rest of the group, "Let's go, guys!"

Mario, who's been inching away from another blank-faced townsperson who's been leaning into his space this whole time, runs to join the now-moving party, "don't have to tell me twice!"

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

As the group continues traveling, the townsperson (who hasn't actually given them his name, interestingly) has been chatting away. It's through this that they've found out that the area they're in is called Muppetopia, and that the king is a local version of Kermit the Frog. After some travel time, they reach Kermit's castle, a vibrant, welcoming-looking building. By this point, Marcy is the only one still on-edge. Something about this place just feels off to her. She only half-listens as the townsperson assures them that they won't have to stand on ceremony with the king, seeing as he is just Kermit at his core, instead focusing on the castle staff.

Due to this, she notices something strange out the corner of her eye; a figure in red and black with wild white hair that has some dark shapes sticking out of it. As she turns to face them more directly, they're suddenly gone.

"You okay sis?"

She shakes off her confusion and focuses on Bob, "I'm fine. Just thought I saw someone I knew for a moment."

"Yeah, I've been getting that feeling on and off since we got to that town. There's something weird going on here."

So she wasn't the only one who'd noticed. Good.

The two end their brief conversation as the group approaches the throne room. And what they see when they enter is...most unusual.

The king is, in fact, Kermit. He looks exactly how they'd expect, except for the crown on his head, his strangely glowing blue eyes, and the fact that he's about 15 feet tall, "Ah, newcomers! Welcome to Muppetopia! Now, my friend here tells me you're in need of help."

4 steps forward, admittedly a bit intimidated by the massive frog "Uh, yes your majesty. You see, we're from a place called the Mushroom Kingdom and ended up here by accident while trying to get back from a trip. And now some kind of electronic interference is keeping us stranded here."

Kermit takes a moment to think this over, "The Mushroom Kingdom, huh? You know, Muppetopia's actually had a few visitors from there before."

"You have?"

"Yep. They were lost, too, just like you guys. But thankfully, I know a great way to help the lost find their way. Observe!" He dramatically gestures to the door with a flippered hand, and into the room walks...

"Kaizo!?"

Sure enough, the person who walks in is very much Kaizo Koorumaniru. He is also very much a Muppet, with the same vacantly cheerful gaze as the inhabitants of that town.

"Hey everyone! Check out my awesome new look!" he...well, he almost sounds like the Kaizo they know, but there's something fundamental missing from his tone.

Mario glares at Kermit, "what's-a going on here?"

"Like I said, I helped him find his way. The true Way. And I can help you too, Mario, SMG4."

Tari steps back from him, "Y-your our version of Kermit, aren't you? This is the Mushroom Kingdom!"

"It was the Mushroom Kingdom. A lot's changed around here in the last few days. Allow me to demonstrate," as he says this, shadowy, extremely dark green hands emerge from the ground around him, reaching out to grasp the group.

"Oh tits!" Bob makes a break for the exit knocking aside Muppet Kaizo in the process, "RUN, BITCH! RUUUUUUUN!"

Everyone else follows his lead, dodging shadow hands and guards as they go.

Unfortunately, when they exit the castle they find more Muppets who've closed in from the surrounding area, many of which are now quite clearly people they know.

"What do we do now?"

Marcy takes a ready stance, her blades flashing in the sunlight, "We fight our way through."

"Through to where?" 4 gestures around them, "For all we know the entire planet's like this!"

Meggy then realizes something, "We could get to wherever that interference was coming from! You had a trace on it before we stopped to ask for directions, remember? Maybe it has a connection to whatever happened to Kermit!"

Now with a plan in mind, the group checks which way they should be going and gets to fighting, each using their usual skills to get past the Muppet horde. Unfortunately, there's a lot of Muppets to get through, Tari and 4 aren't exactly great at fighting in the first place, and the signal is still really far away, so they quickly start to wear down, made worse by the fact that Kermit's caught up by this point so his mysterious shadow hands are back in play.

4 bats away a Muppet version of Jubjub with his keyboard, then leans on it like a cane while panting, "It...it's no use. There's too many of them." As if on cue, a shadow appears over him, and he looks up to see Kermit's massive form looming over him.

"Don't worry SMG4, everything will be better soon." On of his shadow hands appears and begins to move down towards the prone Guardian...only to pause as another massive shadow passes over him, and the sound of propellers prompts him to look up, "What on Earth..?"

He and nearly everyone else look up to see a Mario-style Airship hovering over the battle. It holds position for a moment before opening fire, sending Bullet Bills screaming down to blast away Muppets and hands, taking the pressure off the tired group. A rope ladder is dropped to dangle off the side, and a P. A. system activates, blasting Kamek's voice.

"All right youngsters, get up here if you don't want to end up as Sesame Street rejects!"

That's all the prompting everyone needs to find their second wind and book it for the ladder. Bob is the first one there, but ensures that Tari starts up the ladder before him. Then 4 and Marcy reach it, with her having saved him from the frog king while he was distracted. Finally Meggy and the Mario Bros run together, only for Luigi to stumble and fall behind a bit. As they're the last ones for the pickup and are known for how well they can jump, Kamek and whoever else is piloting the airship begin to move up and away so none of the Muppets have a chance to climb up.

After Meggy and Mario jump for the ladder, skipping a few rungs in the process, Mario reaches down to his brother, "Take my hand bro!"

Luigi nods in acknowledgement and leaps for his brother...only to suddenly stop in midair. Mario and Meggy look on in horror, seeing that the reason for this physics-defying maneuver is one of the shadow hands reaching into his back, a pained, terrified expression set on his face. Before their eyes, he begins to rapidly transform. Skin becomes pink felt, trembling lower lip becomes a Beaker-like flap, fingers become floppy and indistinct. Throughout all of this, his arm remains outstretched, still reaching for the hand it will never grip.

"LUIGI, NOOOOOOO!!!!!!!"

With tears in her eyes, Meggy forces herself to look away so she can drag the hysterical plumber up the ladder and ensure they won't share their brother's fate. The two tumble onto the deck, Mario sobbing uncontrollably in a fetal position while Meggy and the now-approaching Tari doing their best to comfort him.

As this is happening, 4 and the twins are greeted by the crew of the Airship, consisting of Kamek and some of the Koopa Troop (obviously), Eggman, Cubot and a few dozen badniks, Toadsworth, Toad, Juliano, Root and Lil Coding (Coding, of course, immediately snuggles into his dad), and finally Sig.

"Okay, what the hell is going on around here? Why's Kermet some kind of massive psycho puppet master all of a sudden?"

Kamek sighs and shakes his head, "I'm afraid that Muppetopia is the least of our worries."

To show them what he means, he brings the group to the other side of the ship, which is now much, much higher up. From there it can be seen that the Mushroom Kingdom is now a massive circle bordered by a dome force field, split into seven equally sized wedges that each have their own unusual biome (with Muppetopia being just one of them), and a tower in the center as tall as the dome and very clearly made of bits of Peach's old castle and the all-too-familiar meat moss.

The sight of this madness is enough to snap Mario out of his grief, "Dear God..."

To be continued...

(also here's a picture of King Kermit and part of Muppet Kaizo. it technically has a spoiler for how he became That but if you payed attention to the end of the previous post it's pretty obvious where his powers and madness came from.)

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grimmswan · 1 year

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Dracula in Storybrooke 4

Captain Swan Supernatural Summer

Once Upon A Time/ Emma Swan/Killian Jones

“Dracula has powers that give him an advantage. One of which is the ability to create his own army.” David pointed out.

“Those he turned only inherited strength, speed, and of course, the hunger for blood. Very few have more abilities than that.” Smee said.

Emma thought of some of the vampire movies she had seen.

“Reading minds? Controlling people? That’s not typical?”

“Those who manifest other skills usually have a hint of such talent as a human. The turning allowed them to tap in and strengthen such skill.”

“So let's hope that if Dracula does create an army, that none of them develop special powers.” Killian sighed.

“Princess Emma has powers of her own.” Leroy reminded everyone. “She’s got magic. All she has to do is send beams of light at the vampires and they can’t get near her. Or anyone that’s with her.”

“You’re forgetting how fast they are. We don’t want a horde surrounding Emma and draining her dead before she has a chance to conjure her magic.”

“Dracula won’t allow any of the other vampires to feed on Emma. He’s kind of selfish and possessive in that regard. No one touches a potential bride.”

“That works in our favor. If he won’t want anyone laying a hand on Emma, then he will most likely always be alone when he goes after her.”

“Not exactly. He’s done it before. He sent some of his female minions to distract the hunting party after him while he seduced Mina.”

“That hunting party was entirely made up of men.” Snow correctly guessed. “We’re not going to be as easily distracted.”

“My, my, my, you have quite the spirit. It would be most enjoyable, I think, to have you as my bride as well.”

Everyone turned, in shock, in the direction of the voice. Drake emerged from the shadowed back hallway of the diner.

“What’s with all of the pretty boys of this town being overly dramatic?” Leroy gruffed with a roll of his eyes.

Ignoring the dwarf, Drake stepped closer. “Immortality would ensure that your loveliness never fades away.”

A ball of white light hit the vampire, causing him to hiss and step back.

“Stay away from my mother, you prick.” Emma warned, holding up her hands that held balls of white light.

“Oh, don’t be jealous, my love. I am fully capable of pleasuring many women.”

But as crooning and seductive as he made his voice sound, he was still hit with multiple beams of light.

“I am not your love. I’m his.” Emma tilted her head toward her pirate. “And even if you were the last man in existence, I wouldn’t be with a creep like you.”

“I warned you. Your pursuit of the savior is ill advised.”

Dracula shot a glare toward his former minion. “I have no choice in the matter. I require a bride. And only a special type of lady will do.”

His gaze traveled to Emma. His eyes slowly moved over her form. Certain that if a pirate had been able to seduce her, then a powerful vampire noble could seduce her away from the pirate.

He just needed to show her he had more poise, elegance and class then a dirty drunken pirate.

"Her scent is warm and sweet, like fresh honey on a summer's day. It calls to me like nothing else has."

“Such a shame you’re wearing that silver necklace. Your throat is lovely enough without something around it.”

Emma noticed Draked tongue slip out slightly, wetting his lips as his eyes focused too intently on her neck.

Killian understood the draw to Emma’s scent. And a man would have to be blind to not appreciate her beauty. But while Dracula wanted to own Emma, Killian wanted to cherish her.

“Come near her lovely throat and your’s will be severed in half.” Killian growled, pointing his saber at The Count.

Drake was growing frustrated. Not only did the savior not seem at all interested, but she actually seemed to be getting annoyed with him.

The pirate was making things more difficult by insisting on talking.

Seeing that he wasn’t going to get anywhere with so many people around, he took his leave, but with one more word he hoped would entice the savior.

“Think of what I said. Eternal beauty. You will never grow old. You will never die. And you will remain powerful. Forever.”

But Emma was not someone who would allow fancy parting words.

“I think I’d rather die.”

Letting out a huff of irritation that his exit had been ruined, he sped away.

Charming looked at his wife. “I know we’re usually supposed to help and at least try to redeem the villains we face. But right now, I would much rather just drive a stake through Dracula’s heart.”

Snow, moving closer to her husband, thinking of the perverted things the vampire implied, surprised several people when she said, “I was just wondering if several silver tipped arrows shot at him would do the trick.”

“His pale chest would be an easy target. I don’t know why he keeps his shirt unbuttoned. It’s not like he has any chest hair to show off.” Killian grumbled.

Fighting back her laughter, Emma wrapped her arms around her foolishly jealous lover’s neck, soothing him with a wide grin. “I know, baby. He just doesn’t understand a vampire could never be as sexy as a pirate.”

“I know when you’re mocking me, Swan.” He growled.

But he still smiled at her good natured teasing.

Dracula grew more irritated. He stuck to the shadows as he made his way to his hidden home.

Emma Swan was as hard headed as she was beautiful. Nothing he had said seemed to have any affect on her.

Drake was determined to have Emma for himself. But seducing her away from her pirate was proving more difficult then he had anticipated.

None of the other brides had given him so much trouble.

He realized that he needed a different technique to obtain the powerful beauty.

An Idea came to him that maybe the best way to capture the savior was to turn her lover into a vampire.

#captain swan #once upon a time #cssns23 #emma swan #ouat #killian jones #emma and killian #emma x killian #captain swan supernatural summer #grimmswanfic #dracula in storybrooke

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viridiave · 1 year

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so Octopath 1 is still really good

After having played through (almost) all of both Octopath games somehow I'm feeling nostalgic about the first game already

Octopath Traveler 2 delivered on all its promises of more interaction between the travelers - down to the battle quotes they have, acknowledging each others' help and contributions. The stories especially are improved upon so much that it's actually kind of amazing to see just how seriously Square Enix took the criticism from the first game!

But I also still just like to look back on the first game and the stories that I loved and with that overly long intro it's time for me to rant about my top 4 picks for the stories from the first game lET'S GO

There's actually a LOT that I love about the first game's stories even as they're contrasted by the stories of the second but I only have real thoughts about these top 4 picks - SPOILERS! FULL STEAM AHEAD!

4) Cyrus Albright (or, when static characters fucking rock when their philosophies are given generous nuance)

Starting from the bottom of these top 4 is Cyrus's story - but honestly the gap between his story and the bottom half of all 8 stories is pretty damn huge

I'll admit right away that Cyrus's Chapter 4 has elevated his story in my eyes over the others, but as far as I'm aware his story's climax is one that most of the fandom can agree is one of the peak moments of the first game. His passion and philosophy for education had everything going for it in terms of set-up and atmosphere and - can we like? Talk about the Ruins of Eld???

A secret, ruined library filled with tomes lost to history. Tables and chairs scattered in rooms like it was meant to be some sort of school once. And here's Cyrus - a professor with a deep love of history and knowledge, walking among its walls and witnessing for himself just how much was hidden from the world. How must this man feel, walking into this beautiful Eden filled of Trees of Knowledge. With its walls decorated with warnings of death, doom, and destruction. Knowing that the end of his journey is at the heart of this paradise.

Cyrus's story in my opinion is fucking amazing at telling us who he is, and this final dungeon is the culmination of that - down to the atmosphere of his dungeons. It doesn't start at Chapter 4 though, I'd argue it starts all the way from Chapter 1 - which I have. A very intense love-hate relationship with solely because of Therese - but it's just actually really good? It just frustrates the shit out of me is all

But Chapter 1 tells us that Cyrus is a teacher. It tells us that he's a really GOOD teacher, who is passionate about his profession and is beloved by his students for both his patience and his good looks. He's incredibly dense to that second part, and his colleagues understand that but it doesn't stop them from holding a grudge against him. He loves books and the idea of knowledge being free to all and is, in his own words, 'philosophically opposed' to the ideals of his superiors. He is stupid with women and romance and people use this to their advantage. He is incredibly forgiving towards his student who literally tried to ruin his life by accusing him of pedophilia and doesn't understand that she did it because she wants to hop on his dick.

And Cyrus is like this for the entirety of his story - a sort of static character that's really just on a journey to return a library book. Even then, just because his character doesn't develop (or at least in ways that would be immediately obvious to us), there's something to be said about the steadfastness of his personality despite all the atrocities that he encounters. Chapter 2 shows us what kind of people he trusts. Chapter 3 shows us his fury as a teacher who cares intensely for his students. Chapter 4, then, gives us Cyrus - raw, unfiltered, and passionate as he tears into Lucia for her egocentric and dangerous elitist views on education with both his words and his magic.

His story ends gloriously in a way that's very distinctly Cyrus. He comes across the terrible secrets hidden within the tome that he's been searching for all this time, wondering if even something as evil like this deserves to be shared with the rest of the world. Cyrus, the Scholar, says yes - if only so he could protect the bright future he sees for mankind. At the end of his story, he's back at the Academy to start working towards said future, starting his lecture with a TRULY great excerpt from Susanna Grotoff's Knowlegde is Light.

oh hey speaking of Susanna Grotoff!

3) H'aanit (or, simple stories are great actually! especially when the characters actually fucking matter!)

See, I'm one of the people who honestly did not mind the weirdass ye Olde English speech that permeates the bulk of H'aanit's story. I think it's a weird design choice, but I can deal with it. I feel like that's one of the reasons people really don't like H'aanit, or her story.

One of the other reasons I think people don't like her story too much is because it comes across as too simple - almost Tressa-esque in its depth, because when you boil it down H'aanit's story literally is just to hunt a monster. It's a veritable eldritch horror of a monster sure, but the game also doesn't really tell you what the true significance of this act is until you beat try beating its postgame that's structured like ass. It's a woman with a weird accent and a snow leopard hunting down a quarry.

But I'm a firm believer in 'just because stories are simple, doesn't necessarily mean they're bad or without substance', and though it doesn't have the same level of philosophy that elevates Cyrus's story from just 'guy trying to return a library book' - it more than makes up for it with the way it handles its characters.

H'aanit's story has bar none the best, most organic, and heartwarming character interactions in the game and I am VERY prepared to try and fight people on this. You don't have to go very far into her tale to see this - from the way that she speaks with Z'aanta and Eliza alone, you can form a pretty solid image in your head about what kinds of people they are. H'aanit is the straight-laced, stoic, yet socially-awkward apprentice to Z'aanta's eccentric and cheerful trickster mentor persona. Eliza balances them both out, being a responsible friend to Z'aanta and a laidback friend to H'aanit. In Chapter 2, we meet Natalia - and I realize Chapter 2 NPCs don't get a lot to them, but honestly I found Natalia to be the refreshing earnest everyman character in H'aanit's fairly noble quest of legendary quarries and lost masters. Natalia is a good friend to Z'aanta and is very kind to H'aanit, and even feels guilty that she can't do more to help her.

Then we get Chapter 3 and we meet Susanna Grotoff - who is CRIMINALLY fucking underrated. Susanna is the elusive scholar who Cyrus quotes at the end of his story, and is also apparently a Seer - which she admits right away to H'aanit is a load of bullshit. But H'aanit trusts her implicilty because of this admission, and oh yeah Alaic's here too. I'll admit I didn't really warm up to Alaic right away, until postgame happened and we get to see him open up to our Travelers about how he and Susanna met. Honestly I could go on for hours just describing these two but we still have Chapter 4 and - oh my god the King shows H'aanit such immediate trust and respect and he's a decent ruler I like him a lot

I think that's the key ethos here though - everyone in this story treats H'aanit with no small amount of respect and gravitas. Her reputation as Z'aanta's apprentice might precede her, but come Chapter 3 where she's bested a dragon and she has become his equal, and then defeating Redeye to surpass him - and she is viewed by others who know her with awe for her abilities.

Despite this level of prestige though, H'aanit remains much of the same. H'aanit remains a stoic and steadfast huntress who is still socially awkward, being hesitant to show and receive familial affection. At the end of her story, she comes back home satisfied knowing that her master is saved, and she begins to tell stories of her own. It ends with her beautiful piano theme in the background, sounding as though she's just gotten done telling the end of her story to the local village children to lull them to sleep - and not to worry, because she will be happy to tell it again. It's a very quiet resolution to a fantastical journey, and I think its celebration of stories and interpersonal relationships elevates H'aanit's tale over Cyrus's in my book by JUST a bit.

2) Alfyn Greengrass (or, when the break the cutie trope takes the broken pieces and reforges them into something stronger)

Ok look I'll say it right away - I know how divisively people feel about Chapter 3. Chapter 3's very existence hangs on stupid decisions made by the characters, like, Ogen, maybe just TELL Alfyn that Miguel is a criminal - and MIGUEL, M A Y B E DON'T DO THE HORRIBLE THING WHILE ALFYN IS STILL IN TOWN HELLO??? YOU COULDN'T AT LEAST W A IT ANOTHER FEW DAYS???

even with those feelings I still think Alfyn's story is great.

There's a lot that I can say about Alfyn that I wanted to say about Cyrus and H'aanit - and it's that this truly feels like a story that's tailor-made for him, to tell us who this guy is and how he deals with the bullshit he encounters. Alfyn's story is written almost episodically and it does kind of make sense given his motivation. He's just a guy who wants to go around and help people - it doesn't particularly matter where, just that he gets to do good. And we do! See him do that! Kind, studious, and well-meaning Alfyn sacrifices a lot for his patients as we see in both Chapter 1 and 2, and he's very passionate about his craft and is softhearted to the point that he forgets to collect payment for his treatments. He believes so wholly in his apothecary's ideal (formed by his own memories of Graham saving his life for no charge at all) that honestly? His Chapter 3 almost falls over backwards trying to destroy this idealism.

Miguel Twinspears has been memed to death and Ogen is questionable. Just to get that out of the way. To get more stuff out of the way, I don't think the game really intends for its players to agree with Ogen and his cynical views about the weight of lives. This is the entire point of Ogen - to be a foil to Alfyn, who is naive, boundless, and indiscriminate in his generosity. Miguel, as cartoonishly evil as he is, is still VERY MUCH capable of existing in the real world. Alfyn hasn't yet fully matured, and both Miguel and Ogen were the story's solutions to making him croak. The best part about that gambit is that it worked - sending Alfyn into a depressive spiral until he finds a resolution in Chapter 4.

Miguel is unabashedly evil and takes Alfyn's kindness for granted - he is Alfyn's first taste of true malice. Ogen's cynicism forces Alfyn to question everything he knows about being an apothecary, and it's very important that these two concepts were introduced in parallel. This is the chapter that forces Alfyn to reconsider the implications of what it means to have the power to save lives - for god's sake a CHILD nearly died because Alfyn chose to help the wrong person despite the warnings around him. Here's the thing though - Miguel being a jackass isn't Alfyn's fault, and that's something that Ogen's philosophy neglects to account for. There's very real conversations to be had about accountability here but my god this post is getting way too long and I still have one more character to gush over

Chapter 4 picks up right where Chapter 3 left off, where we find Alfyn lost as to what he's meant to do. THEN we get Ogen on his deathbed and surprise it turns out he's not indiscriminate about his philosophy because he applies it to himself as well because yeah. murder is horrible. granted there's also conversations to be had here about horrible medical malpractice but that's WAY out of my expertise so -

now by all accounts, after the events of Chapter 3, would it have made sense for Alfyn to give in and let this man die for his sins? hell no. Because that's not who Alfyn Greengrass is - and as Alfyn asserts, it's also just not what apothecaries do. It's a powerful kind of acceptance that's fueled in part by Zeph's (homoerotically-charged) encouragement and the memories of the man who saved him - and this drives him to face down a creature of legend just to make a cure for a man with a broken soul.

can we also just take a minute to gush about how Alfyn's journey starts and ends with him trying to find a life-saving ingredient and how it has layers to it because Ogre Eagle feathers were the key ingredient to both his and Ogen's cures - lighting the spark in Alfyn and re-igniting Ogen's will to live - and apothecary is fighting a WALKING PANACAEA. THIS IS A COOL FIGHT GODDAMNIT.

i'll. gush more over Alfyn once I finish up my essay on Ophilia and Temenos. but for now we still have one more story.

1) Olberic Eisenberg (or, resolving a midlife crisis is worth it when I care so much about the sad old beefcake)

for those who know me, this might be mantit bias. And verily I say unto you, that's partially correct. for others, this might be Eisenbright bias. and you are also correct because I will admit that my appreciation of both Cyrus and Olberic's stories is elevated a considerable amount when I think about just how synchronized they are as role models when the future is concerned

(SERIOUSLY. PLAY THEIR CHAPTER 4s SIDE BY SIDE. THEY'RE IN PERFECT PARALLEL ABOUT THEIR OATHS TO THE FUTURE DESPITE BEING SO DIFFERENT AND BEING ON DIFFERENT SIDES OF THE HISTORY BEING WRITTEN - the person who writes the history and the person who lived it - AND THEIR DIFFERENT TALENTS AND ABILITIES AND-)

okay I'll be real and say I did not expect to care so much about the old guy so much going into this game, but I actually will. struggle to articulate how this story has made me feel, but I will say that Olberic's story is the only one from the first game to have given me any sort of extreme reaction that wasn't frustration over Cyrus's Chapter 1. I cried for other stories, but Olberic's had me genuinely at the edge of my seat and jumping for joy whenever I see Erhardt pop up in Riverford to aid him.

To be honest, I don't really know what it is about Olberic's story that I can call the edge that it has over the seven others. Cyrus's story had excellent presentation for both his philosophy and his character. H'aanit's was the perfection of simple storytelling. Alfyn's was thought-provoking and had me emotionally invested in his plight. Writing it out, I think I can say Olberic has all of the above - at least, in my opinion. I can't very well say he has much in the way of developing side-characters though -

- well okay. The blond elephant in the room is the glaring exception.

Erhardt is half of Olberic's story and is consequently his primary motivation throughout his journey. The introduction of Erhardt is through a recurring nightmare that Olberic has of the day Hornburg fell - culminating in the moment Erhardt fatally wounds King Alfred. Olberic's Chapter 1 does a very good job of telling us who he is, and where he stands in his story - he was once a renowned knight beloved by his Kingdom, until it fell due to the betrayal of his brother-in-arms. He is now in hiding at a humble farming village named Cobbleston, having kept his past and name a secret for 8 years. Olberic is brought low by loss, and is plagued by nightmares and grief that he doesn't share at all with the people he's now taking refuge with. It's also very clear at this point that Olberic considers himself as little more than a man with a blade - purposeless now that he has failed to protect what mattered most to him. It's not until a lead on Erhardt is revealed to him that he feels alive in any way, as Gaston notes.

As Olberic goes on his journey, he starts having doubts about his decision to avenge his homeland once he starts learning more about Erhardt. To Gustav, Erhardt was troubled, but warm to him and his fellow vagrants, as well as a trustworthy friend. To Wellspring, he is similar to Olberic - having found purpose in protecting the town from lizardman threats. These doubts culminate in what is - to my opinion- perhaps the single best scene in the fucking game.

Watch it in Japanese, by the way. It's only then that you'll get to experience the full brunt of the emotions and sheer burdens that both Olberic and Erhardt carry because Jesus CHRIST they went hard on the delivery for this scene.

After slaying the Lizardman Kings, Erhardt and Olberic meet back up again to have their long-overdue talk about why Erhardt decided he'd kill King Alfred. To most people his backstory isn't anything new, really - he lost his hometown to the fires of war, and King Alfred had failed in protecting it. Out of vengeance, Erhardt decided to join Werner's company and act as the mole in the ranks of the knights of Hornburg so he could bide his time until he could finally kill the King. The thing that sells this scene however, is the sheer agony and regret in Erhardt's voice as he tells Olberic everything - and tells him that he regretted living a lie, that all he could remember now was the times he spent with the knights and with Olberic as friends and brothers-in-arms.

Now what happens next is. Strange.

It's at this point in the story that the player feels TRULY disconnected from Olberic, where Olberic's own desperation comes to light as he demands to cross swords with Erhardt in the form of a Challenge prompt that you can't refuse. Olberic states very clearly that he finally understood why he wielded his blade, and you would think that was the end of it - that it wouldn't have needed to come to blows anymore. But Olberic is neither being a paragon nor a villain here - he's being human in the only way he knows how - in the throes of battle. Erhardt himself obliges, understanding that it's only through this that either of them could have closure from the events that changed their lives forever. They fight, all while Olberic's character theme plays in the background.

Now. This scene is interesting to me in a lot of ways. Erhardt had basically done to Olberic what he thinks the Kingdom of Hornburg had done to him - rob him of the only home he had ever known. He then assimilated himself into the ranks and despite his mission he came to see it as home too, soon enough. Despite that, it didn't stop him from killing the King - but seeing his revenge through only left him hollow. I could draw several comparisons here to both Primrose and Olberic regarding this stance on revenge, but right now just know that Olberic could have very well ended up like him if he were an angrier man. Olberic right now is simply a man consumed with grief and loss and left with no real way of dealing with it other than this. And by the end of the battle, Erhardt yields - and Olberic spares him, ending the duel and resolving instead to avenge his Kingdom through confronting the man behind Erhardt's machinations.

admittedly, I didn't think Werner was compelling enough as a villain - but I DID appreciate his horrifying pragmatism, clawing his way to the top by any means necessary and sacrificing an entire Kingdom in the process, and then going on to take over an entire district and host public burnings every month. charming guy. I do find it thematically interesting that Olberic's final opponent is a tyrant who just does not give a shit about the people he governs over though - you really couldn't get any more antithetical to King Alfred than this. Also fitting that he would be one of the key players of the revolution to free Riverford from Werner's reign and wOAH HOLY SHIT ERHARDT FUCK Y E AH

that. that was the scene I jumped out of my seat for, yeah.

by the way uh. so the line 'Your blade may be unbending, but did the man not break?' is extremely good. If there was any way to succinctly summarize Olberic Eisenberg before that climactic moment, that would be it.

this is gonna be the part where I gush about Olberic's resolve into looking forward to the future and - it means a lot more than just him vowing to continue using his sword to protect others. It means that he's finally starting to free himself from the hell he's been dealing with for the last 8 years. It's him finally accepting that he's MORE than the blade he wields. It's him accepting that he has somewhere to return to and protect and hold dear to his heart - and he realizes this while trying to help people take back their own homes with the support of the best friend who had lost his home twice -

i really like his story, and I really like Olberic. Him returning to Cobbleston for a while as he goes on a new journey and being embraced by Philip is incredibly satisfying. This man deserves his fucking rest and holy shit this post is 3800 words long

>>> tl;dr go play Octopath Traveler 1

#octopath traveler #cyrus albright #h'aanit #alfyn greengrass #olberic eisenberg #octopath #octopath spoilers #literally just me ranting for almost 4k words #go play the first octopath it's still great #i should have just written an essay but #listen i totally could except i'm in the middle of finals submissions so rip #and i'm already writing an ophilia and temenos essay so

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couragehopelovefaith · 5 months

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As an answer to @carladuquette:

Mike Flanagan character draft

Rules are simple: pick your top 6 characters from the Flanaverse. Series only! If a character appears at different ages, specify which one you want on your team. Can be characters you love, love to hate, whatever. Ready? GO!

(There will be no Midnight Club-characters, because I haven't been able to bring myself to watch it since I know that the cancellation would frustrate me to no end, if I got myself engaged to it.)

This was way harder than I thought it would be! So many others would deserve to be here as well. If you haven't seen these shows and want to avoid spoilers, stop here.

But okay, here we go...

Riley Flynn (Zach Gilford, Midnight Mass)

It tells a lot that I saw Midnight Mass for the first time just this Easter, but I couldn't imagine anyone else getting the first place. Such an underrated character. He had such a sad backstory and a kind soul...he truly did his best and helped so many people when he had every possibility to be selfish. His relationship with Erin was very special too. I guess he got his happy ending in a way, but all the possible could've beens and fix-it-fics about him that I will probably never write haunt me.

2. Luke Crain (Oliver Jackson-Cohen, The Haunting Of Hill House)

I debated with myself for a long time, which Crain-twin I should put here, but Luke and his journey just moved me deeply. I'd like to write much more about him, but it would become an essay so I'll pass. It would be so inspiring to see Riley and him to have a conversation, now that I think about it. During my every single Flanagan deep-dive, I am awed how Oliver could play both Luke and Peter - such opposite characters - so believably. *standing ovation*

3. Hassan Shabazz (Rahul Kohli, Midnight Mass)

I had an eeny, meeny, miny, moe whether the third prize should go to him or Owen, but I had to pick this loving father and a wonderful sheriff. In this case, I can't even fully explain why, but he just managed to stand out from the middle of all these other fantastic characters in an unique way.

4. Verna (Carla Gugino, The Fall Of The House Of Usher)

I feel like I don't really even have to explain myself when it comes to this choice. Carla has always been talented and beyond, but she really exceeded herself in this role. In the wrong hands, this character could've become very corny and comical, but with her behind the wheel, there was no fear of that. I lost count how many times I got shivers, was lifting my jaw off the floor and crying while watching Verna. I almost wanted to include a gif of her and Arthur (since I love him too), but I thought it might be cheating, so...

5. Hannah Grose (T'Nia Miller, The Haunting Of Bly Manor)

Okay, listen... I love Dani and Jamie, both as a couple and as individuals, and their story is very bittersweet and heartbreaking. But when I think of Bly Manor, my mind always travels first to Hannah, her relationship with Owen and to episode 5. She is amazing and deserved the world. A little restaurant in Paris, with the love of her life... Gaah, even writing about it makes me tear up!

6. Tamerlane Usher (Samantha Sloyan, The Fall Of The House Of Usher)

I almost feel bad for not putting Lenore here, because she obviously was the purest one of the Ushers and didn't deserve what she got in the end. But I can't help being intrigued by Tammy and her complexity. Surely, she is far from perfect - quite a despicable human being, actually - but the episode centered around her made me feel a bit sorry and sympathetic towards her. She is my favorite Usher-sibling (Leo being a really close second) and belongs on this list. Samantha deserves way more recognition of all her roles, to be honest.

Phew, I did it! *victory dance*

Anyone can participate. Let's show appreciation to this marvelous saga, pretty please.

#mike flanagan #the haunting of hill house #the haunting of bly manor #the fall of the house of usher #midnight mass

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mistwraiths · 1 year

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4 stars

I actually liked this way more than I originally thought I would starting out on this book! This is a beautiful, lush, sweeping fantasy involving a half kitsune and a shadowy samurai with a demon sword on a quest for a temple and a scroll, and gathering the most unlikely allies along the way.

Originally, I was a bit frustrated with how slow the story, the plot was. The book features a ton of traveling, and mostly only that,That, our main two characters Yumeko and Tatsumi being waylaid by demons and witches and other things hunting them for the scroll at almost every stop. Travel a little, fight stuff, treat wounds, repeat. The whole plot is to find this Master Jiro and go to The Steel Feather Temple. And by the end of the book, we barely find Master Jiro. Not to mention, there is more going on, but the main focus for us is Jiro.

I thought I'd be more frustrated but the more I read and the more I sat with this when I finished, I decided I really didn't mind! Because the journeying to get to know the two main characters was good, and the Japanese mythology we get is fascinating. And slowly, we pick up more characters.

Yumeko is a delightful character, slightly mischievous but ultimately a genuinely good, kind girl who has never experienced the world beyond her temple. She's kind and good, but not at the expense of being stupid or reckless. She's naive but not annoying. I just love her a lot!!! And the fact that she's kept up her lies very well, keeping the scroll hidden, is just good.

Tatsumi, I like but not completely obsessed with, and he's a little of the typical tortured, broody excellent warrior. He's a little bland in my opinion, but he's been raised to have no emotional connection, to be a tool only. You do feel sorry for him. I can definitely see the building relationship with him and Yumeko, but I liked that nothing really happens yet.

I love that Yumeko is pretty much responsible in gathering all the allies. Omake, the ronin, I like however his constant talk of him being a wild dog and other comments grow repetitive quite quickly. Daisuke is very interesting and I want to know him more since we don't super get a lot of time with him. And Reika was a good character I liked immediately and hope we see more of her.

I did like the extra character Suki to see what the bad character is doing. Suki's death was a shock in the beginning for sure.

I loved the overarching plot to with the Dragon rising and the Master of Demons, and two another shadowy figures in the background. Once the story gets to the capital, things really start to pick up. That ending too and the epilogue was very good and made me look forward to the next!

Overall, a very good Japanese fantasy!

#shadow of the fox #julie kagawa #steph's book review #steph reads #book review #2023 reads

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pwblogarchive · 2 months

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November 2006

11/03/06 Q&A

question

Dear Pete, If you created your own scent (like a cologne, body spray, perfume, etc.) what would it smell like? Love, Me [please] P.S. Please do not do ACTUALLY make your own scent. Unless it smells really good and is garunteed to get me love.

answer

the floor of the fireside bowl, summer, hemingway after he gets a bath blahblah

question

Pete whats your natural hair color?

answer

brown. like a healthy bowel movement.

question

Nice outfit on the heidi klum halloween party, aaaww the hair!

answer

if joe refuses to rock that look i will.

question

What do you want people to say about you 50 years from now?

answer

“wow, this is a nice headstone to sit on”.

question

your eyes shine bright like the headlights of one million speeding cars.

answer

im obsessed with crashing into you.

question

Pete Pete Pete whare have you been have you gone to find a life out side the internet task task task

answer

alternating between finishing our record and dying of boredom.

question

On The Nightmare Before Christmas Soundtrack Reissue did you guys get to choose what song you played or did they choose it for you? If you got to choose it why did you choose Whats This?

answer

we chose it. it is patrick and i’s favorite song from the movie. it is amazing. like when i watch hemingway see something for the first time- its an awakening. jack has never seen christmas before- its what goes on in his mind as it unwraps. i love it.

question

i love to hate you, does that make me a bad person?

answer

nah. but hating me is pretty 06, youve only got couple months left- then it will be like vintage hate, which could be kinda stylish i guess.

question

uhmmmm….how long do you wanna live?

answer

sometimes im over it, sometimes i wanna live forever.

question

peter, you wont ever know who this is but i miss youre more than anything right now. im starting to lose faith in the band. when will you be traveling the states?

answer

we have something really special planned for you. dont lose faith. expect to see some things beginning to happen this winter. pay close attention.

question

pete, i know so much about you i could probably write an autobiography on your life. half the things i found out by accident. do you think its creepy how much people know about you?

answer

most of the things people say or write arent true or are half true. so thats kind of frustrating. but who cares? i just keep breathing and its all ok.

question

How do you feel about Ricky (ZEZEtheX) leaving the boards?

answer

im a fan of ricky. kind of a bummer. but it seems like everyone ends up back at some point. its irresistible.

question

would u ever hate a fan?

answer

i guess i could hate anyone for the right reasons. but i am a pretty forgiving person because i make alot of mistakes myself….

November 4, 2006

“record is almost done.”

i am running out the door to hear a final song.

for those of you who dressed up, bonnie posted your pictures over at www.friendsorenemies.com

there will be a winner for best boy costume and best girl costume.

"late for a very important date"

November 4, 2006

“high heals (mr. E and ms. fortune)”

cue the dream sequence.get the feeling of feeling.you make me feel pins and needles like a leg that has been asleep.we have signs on our backs that read: save me.i am in love with the rescuers.you see that heart, i will gut it like a fish.talk some sense into me.i dare you.daydream ships and sleepy summer bombers feign softness when she calls.i will make the hair on your neck stand on end.i will make you sing out in the night.

11/04/06 Q&A

question

PETE! I dont know what to do. And because you are awesome at given advice I turn to you. Theres this guy I like and he says that he wants to sleep with me before we go out. But then when i asked why we couldnt just go out he said because we had to sleep together first. Do you think he is using me? What should I do?

answer

id say probably no. i forget what its from but… whoever buys the icecream after they get the free taste? noone.

question

How did you become interested in music?

answer

oldies in my dads car then thriller then appetite for destruction then dookie then minor threat.

question

Dear Pete, In my english class were reading Farenheit 491. Its set in the future, and in the story all the books are being burnt because the public wants things that are fast, visual, and easy. They dont want to be minorities. I was thinking, and I got really worried. My generation is becoming just like that book. I dont think I can stand to see another myspace that says “reding iz gay” in the Books section. Im so frustrated. why do people have to be stupid? The point of all this: Can you reccommend to me a genious from my generation, an author, poet, or band, someone that gives you faith in the human race and makes you sure that were not all getting stupider? Youre one of course, but id really like to know of more. Thanks for this and the words and tell the boys thanks for the music Love, Brook

answer

i guess im not sure generationally, writers i like: bukowski, hemingway, miller, celine, olds- someone from our time that i love is a friend of my named wes. not sure where you could read his stuff. ill find out and put it on our site. there are plenty of other gems out there you just have to dig.

question

Pete, I find myself not really liking Fall Out Boy anymore. It is not that you guys suck or anything, its just your “untouchable”. By that i mean your my fave band, and i know i will never in a million years ever have a chance to meet you and that sucks so bad. I find myself really starting to like local bands tons more cuz i can actually communicate with them. Am i a horrible person for thinking this?

answer

not at all. i appreciate your honestu. hopefully out our new record and tours will win you back- especially with some smaller shows. we have come up with a few plans to be able to interact with fans on a smaller level coming up- i know how it goes. i have been there and it hurts. at the same time- weve never done this before so we arent even sure what we are doing… besides, i love hearing people say that they love local bands! that is how our band began- i cant wait to get back and play some smaller shows. pleas ebe sure to come over at say hey if you make it to one!

question

if i was to bake you cookies…and i “accidently” dropped a few hairs in there and you ate it and i told you late once you finished telling me that yu were crapping hairballs…what would you do?

answer

i only eat my moms cookies cause i am addicted to them. but i would probably throw up would be my guess.

question

Pete! My dog died yesterday of cancer. Has this ever happened to you? If so, how did you deal?

answer

i think i would freak out. id probably try to remember the best times and maybe look at pictures. i think after a bit id get a new dog because there are so many out there that need new homes and new buddies to take care of them.

question

hey petery, me and my friends are lossing faith in our band, singer is going crazy, guitarist isiacting starge, and rythym(me) im going down. how did ur band stay together

answer

friends stick together.

November 6, 2006

“forgive me for all the times i messed with your pretty head”

actually dont.it doesnt really matter either way.it all turns out the same.alphamale. omegalove.every dog has its day and all.but i think we slept through ours.....theres no sucess quite like failure. trust me. i can be a character witness.dodging bars that noone can find and noone can get into. it becomes a parody of itself.i love borat for bringing the mustache back before mike cardin could.but the prestige makes me want to quit the band and move to the 1800's.id bring back walkmen with sweet yellow headphones and be like the king of the world.dont burn me out on borat by trying to do the accent: here's a hint- you dont do it very well.back to diary-ing....i mean, really, how many times do you need to check your voicemails to realize noone is calling.put me down or fix me- but more like a cat or dog...had a dream where i picked orange leaves from blonde hair in moonlight.and im left forever edning signals back to you in black night.gotta run these words are terribe at best, ill be b ack to clean up this mess. i need to go to sleep not to read more,.,. or maybe not.

November 7, 2006

“id love to decode this all. but i fear it woud only be another misstep in a series. so am gonna take a leap and hold my breath.”

boots high, keep our roots from every finding us.dear to our hearts are the yellows of the moon. it you waving a flag at me: its not quite white and its not quite surrender.but its got me curious.from under the floorboards i listen to hear if you got what it takes.i want to wake the entire hallway.sometimes cheek kiss goodbyes catch the corners of lips- and its just the secret of those two forever.going home tommorrow, which is today if i get to sleep.

November 12, 2006

you call me a bad tipper of the cradle.but im tired yawns for fawns on hunters lawns.we're the hasbeens of husbands- sharpening the knives of young wives.take two years and call me when youre better...take teardrops of mine, find yourself wetter.were so miserable and stunning,lovesongs so genuinely cunning.

- xo

November 12, 2006

i know everyone thought we took the messageboard away. but how could we take away such an enlightened place for intellectual conversation. and besides how would we know who andrew hurleys new "wife" without it.? we're sorry the site was down- but our friends over at absolutepunk.net have an exclusive sneak peek at a song from our new album.

so after you make fun of the rednecks in the borat movie and IM your lil buddy and say- "i totally love/hate _______ band cause of his new haircut/pants"- scope out our new song.

see you sooner than you think.

(edit: you know we love you. dont take us too seriously)...

November 14, 2006

he said "that song is my life", it may have been my best moment. so young.

this is only the greatest story ever told"i have lightning in my head"to be brought to the world.the 101 is an iv in my veins,blood rush up your driveway.noones ever gonna get us, noones ever gonna get us-everything inside me is only meant to break your hearts.november spawned a monster.

November 15, 2006

forgive me for all the times i messed with your pretty head

actually dont.

it doesnt really matter either way.

it all turns out the same.

alphamale. omegalove.

every dog has its day and all.

but i think we slept through ours...

theres no sucess quite like failure. trust me. i can be a character witness.

dodging bars that noone can find and noone can get into. it becomes a parody of itself.

i love borat for bringing the mustache back before mike cardin could.

but the prestige makes me want to pack it all up and move to the 1800's.

id bring back walkmen with sweet yellow headphones and be like the king of the world.

dont burn me out on borat by trying to do the accent: here's a hint- you dont do it very well.

back to diary-ing....

i mean, really, how many times do you need to check your voicemails to realize noone is calling.

put me down or fix me- but more like a cat or dog...

had a dream where i picked orange leaves from blonde hair in moonlight.

and im left forever edning signals back to you in black night.

gotta run these words are terribe at best, ill be back to clean up this mess. i need to go to sleep not to read more,.,. or maybe not.

Posted by xoat 1:23 AM

November 18, 2006

im just a painter drawing a blank.but i could learn to miss you. i could learn to pity fools- because i am the biggest one and i always feel sorry for myself. i could learn to read your mind but reading in the dark has wrecked my sight.

- xo

November 19, 2006

we are the carriers but you will always be the rescuers.

i feel in love with the world. this is out of character for me. the always whining, overdramatic player of the worlds smallest violin. but i truly love the world we have created- us and you. it is a refuge and i think we sometimes take that for granted. but i can tell you i wouldn't have this smile across my face if it wasnt for you. working on the new video- i think some of our old fans are really gonna like some of the subtle touches it will have. i know some of whats going on is a stretch. but come with- because this is the greatest story ever. thanks for letting us be a part of this. this is my rushmore.

November 24, 2006

so i guess being that we are in the fueledbyramen journal- i should write about some of the happenings of FBR/DECAYdance bands.On my way home to chicago for the holidays I was sitting on the airplane getting ready to fake sleep so i wouldnt have to speak to anyone and who walks on and sits next to me? Mike Cardin from the Academy. So i spent the next 5 hours hanging with him and the rest of the Academy boys on the flight home. completely accidentally. Their new record is sure to charm the pants off of you- total brain party.Got in and made my way to the Panic! at the disco show at the UIC pavillion. Needless to say i was floored by the show. there was a fucking circus on stage. Some good hangs and then made my way home. Had Brendon and Ryan over for Wentz family Thanksgiving and went and watched the new james bond movie.RIght now i am listening to new lifetime songs. they are completely mindblowing. This is the band that totally shaped Fall Out Boy and the sound of Take this to your grave.Over at Decaydance we are looking for some new bands. if you got what it takes- get some music in our hands.dont believe everything you read. the only people i have time to date are Hemingway and Infinity On High- otherwise its just NOT the truth.oh yeah and this was a dream come true: http://www.ew.com/ew/report/0,6115,1562674_4_0_,00.htmlhave a good long weekend. forget about your problems for a bit.

- xo

11/24/06 Q&A

question

petei only went to the patd concert[in chcago] cause i thought u were going to be there but it was fun. p.s. my brother zito says hi.

answer

i went and i think the show was pretty amazing. i hope you had a good time.

question

Pete- in realese the bats when dirty is drinking mud of the ground what city were you in beacuse it looked just like the Buffalo warped tour a few years ago. much love Abby

answer

montreal.

question

are there gonna be more dolls their out of pete and sndys already and that was gonna be my christmas present from my mom :(

answer

get her three joes and a patrick. total party all the time.

November 26, 2006

“everyone looks good in black and white pictures (only's).”

she only orders drinks without mixers.

two bites of 100 dollars plates at dinner,

desserts are always enough pills to get you full.

but when im sleeping next to her im not scared what will happen to me after i die.

they only pose questions like: what makes you tick?

we throw back whatever.

red herrings. dummy cars. whatever changes the subject.

im only in love with trainwrecks.

except tonight she is four redbull vodkas into the moment-

its the closest thing she can order to an 8ball at an open bar.

im always only half there.

coasting through questions and pictures- always half way inside the world in my head.

i only know that youll never know me.

November 27, 2006

so having returned from the movie "the fountain" i feel as though my life has been turned on it's head. like youve been thinking all of this time but the reserve light just came on and there are about 20 miles to empty. i hate running into people i used to know- who tell me "congratulations" or how they always knew whatever. i am terrible at small talk. i simply have not been designed to do it. i know about 3/4 of the time it is a completely genuine thought from them- but i dont know how to respond ever. i lower my eyes to the ground and fish for a thought that will take us far from this line of questioning. they say it as if this had all been a plan- like i couldnt be in the gutter 12 months from now just as easily- and be just as happy with the right friends and right loves and maybe some books. its so much more of a relief to hear someone make fun of this or me- to laugh and tear me down. i can brush it off easier. i dont have to make small talk. and when someone walks up who has been honestly changed or moved by the music and words- i dont even need to be told anything. you can see it in your eyes. i am left speechless, usually looking awkward for a second followed by a meager thank you. i think many fail to realize that i feel just as changed, moved, saved and real by the path of this band. i feel a part of this too. i count down the days until we tour again too. and finally- it is only on the stage when i feel at home. i hate looking at the setlist and seeing the songs running out. i hate days off. i hate breaks. i only look forward to making new albums because it means i will get to play more shows. i love walking into dusty rooms where you can feel the electricity of what will happen that night. or the condensation on the floor afterwards from what just transpired. you cant capture this in a photograph, song, movie, video or review. they all fall short. i love walking into the dark frigid air and seeing those few lifers hanging on the railing- and always do my best to make sure they get to at least exchange some words. i miss this so goddamned much right now.it feels like everyone is singing heartache. i dont want to be a disposable band. i dont want to be just a poster on the wall. i know everyone wants another "sugar" or "dance, dance" out of us. but i hope the new songs will truly help you take apart your despair or at least give you a place to hide out from it in. i hope it brings you some sense of peace or rest. or maybe that when you walk down the stairs into the basement of yourself that you can dust off old ideas of who you are and know that the clouds part from time to time.i know this is a bit much. this is what i wrote upon leaving the movie. i cant wait for you to hear the new songs. i cant wait to get back and play them for you- to sing them WITH you.thank you for making me try to become a better person. truly.so on this journal i want to try and include something from the label side of things. here's my little buddy brendon from Panic talking about how we used to make Man Soup/friendsthatbathetogetherstaytogether (though i believe nfg may have invented man stew a bit earlier, u sksinny jerks could only make soup): http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Je1Tlgy8P_E&mode=related&search=

- xo

11/28/06 Q&A

question

Where did “Patrick Being Weird” come from? XO Syd

answer

its actually an audio sample that was supposed to be put at the end of takethisto your grave. a bunch of inside jokes- it has pete, patrick, joe and our friend sean talking on it.

question

Peter, I just wanted to say thank you to you and all the members of Fall Out Boy. I am not a 13 year old girl who simply likes you because you are cute or because it is the “cool” thing to do. I wish my life was that easy. I am lucky in many aspects of the life I have been granted. I am 25, married to a wonderful man, and have a daughter who means the world to me. For as long as I can remember, I have felt like I am here for a purpose, to change something/someone. I live in a small town in middle america and have always felt out of place. I have questioned every decision I have ever made, and never been content with the results. I have suffered from depression and sometimes wanted it all to end. The only time I have felt “at home” is when I am listening to music. I have always had a connection with music. When I was younger it was bands like Nirvana, The Cure and Green Day. Now I feel like I am connected to Fall Out Boy. I love your music. I can not listen to Take this to your grave enough time. I know this sounds wierd because I do not know you personally, but you have left a lasting impression on me and for this I thank you

answer

wow. thank you. Mindblowing.

question

chain reaction misses you.

answer

we miss the chain. just went and saw the hushsound there, the room felt exactly the same. it was awesome.

question

pete im getting tired of asking when will fall out boy come to australia??? i will keep asking untill you give me a serious answer

answer

this year: central and south america, canada, united states (hawaii), u.k., europe. australia, new zealand, japan, russia, dubai and possibly south africa- THATS WHAT WERE

#fall out boy #pete wentz #livejournal

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semper-legens · 6 months

Text

21. Dragonfly in Amber, by Diana Gabaldon

Owned: No, library Page count: 963 My summary: 1968. Claire Randall and her daughter have returned to Scotland from America, tracking the history of a band of Jacobites. But why did Claire leave Jamie and return to the future? Back in 1744, there's a war to stop. Armed with foreknowledge of the future, Claire is trying desperately to keep her friends alive. Jamie won't be doomed to die at Culloden if Culloden doesn't happen...right? My rating: 4/5 My commentary:

Ah, Outlander. While I may have only read the first book on a whim, I found myself enjoying it far more than I thought I would. What can I say, there was just something charming about our hero, ex-World War Two nurse Claire, travelling through time to meet her Scottish rebel beaux, Jamie Fraser. They were strong characters, very engaging, and the story itself (though not without flaws) was interesting enough to keep my attention for all of its 800+ pages. So of course I tracked down a copy of the next one. And for the most part, it's just as good! Immediately, it grabbed me with the opening premise - Claire and her daughter Brianna, who is obviously Jamie's, have travelled back to Scotland in 1968 after Claire's twenty year marriage to original husband Frank Randall ended in his death. How did Claire get back to her present? Why is she in Scotland tracing the fates of the Lallybroch men? And what actually happened to Jamie Fraser? These are the mysteries of Outlander book two - Dragonfly in Amber.

(Warning for talk of rape under the cut.)

There's so much to talk about in this near 1000 pages of novel, so I'm just going to hit on some key points here. Jamie and Claire continue to be brilliant. Claire is pregnant for much of this novel, and Jamie feels a lot of protectiveness towards her, which often frustrates her. Jamie is in his element, fighting both physically in the field at Culloden and more mentally and socially in the courts of France, and doing a good job at both. I think the reason I like Jamie and Claire so much, in hindsight, is the fact that they could so easily be one-dimensional stereotypes of their genre, but have a lot more depth than that. Claire is often in distress and needs Jamie to save her, but she's also cool-headed from her time as a war nurse and is very capable of arguing her case and getting her way when she knows what's best. Jamie is a rugged, tough Scot, but he's also got a core of vulnerability and kindness beneath him - and moreso than just the 'burly guy with a heart of gold' stereotype either, he's as emotionally reliant on Claire as she is physically reliant on him, and the pair of them make an excellent team together. There's a lot of character to them, we find out a lot about them as individuals, and they're both as flawed and liable to make mistakes and argue and fall out as each other. The saving grace is, of course, their genuine and deep love for one another. It's lovely to see their passion and devotion, even through the trials they have faced across these two books.

Sex and sexual violence rear their head thematically once more here. The sexual violence and rape that is often either threatened or actioned in these books are somewhat sensationalised - see poor Mary Hawkins being raped by strangers on the street, a fate that Claire very closely avoids. Randall continues to be a sadistic monster. Jamie's trauma comes back up, and he responds by wanting to fight it - literally, in the form of Randall. It's very matter-of-fact, and part of me does wonder if Claire being threatened so often is meant to be somewhat titilating for its assumed audience. But then, perhaps I am being unfair. Such things are shown as being as traumatic as they are in real life, with Mary basically becoming catatonic as a result of her treatment, Claire being duly freaked out by her narrow miss, and Jamie still suffering the aftereffects of Randall. And to balance that, there's plenty of consensual sex. Mary and Alexander Randall find solace in each other, Claire and Jamie enjoy a very healthy s-x life even through her pregnancy, and nobody is ever shamed by the narrative for wanting consensual sex. And for a story largely set in the 1740s, that's a huge breath of fresh air. I feel like sex is used very deliberately in these books, as both a means of characterisation and as a fact of the 18th century lives our protagonists lead. Because it's everywhere, from the gossip and frivolity of the French court to the bawdy Scottish warriors to the intimacy of Claire and Jamie's bedchamber. It happens. And that's a very mature attitude to the subject, I think.

And finally, there's something I haven't talked about yet, either in this or the last time I've talked about Outlander - the idea of fate, destiny, and changing history. Claire is from nearly two hundred years in Jamie's future, and given that her husband was interested in both Jacobite history and his personal family history, knows a fair amount about what is to happen in the uprisings. Given that Claire has no intent to revisit the future, is it possible for her to change it? She has a close personal connection to Lallybroch and the Lallybroch men (other than Jamie, that is) and doesn't want them to die at Culloden, as many Jacobites did. Claire and Jamie's reason for being in France assisting Bonnie Prince Charlie is actually to avert the Jacobite risings, though they have to be subtle about it lest they be branded traitors to both Scotland and England. Can Claire change fate? She knows that Jack Randall was meant to die at Culloden, despite his apparent ignominious death at Wentworth. Yeah, I thought that was a bit too quick and throw-away a death for a figure that haunted the first book. Turns out Randall's alive and up to his old tricks, leading to Jamie wanting to kill him dead as well as having panic attacks and bad dreams thanks to his trauma. (As an aside, I did find that Alexander Randall being Frank's true ancestor as was implied here to be a bit of a cop-out - of course Frank couldn't actually be the direct descendant of a sadistic rapist.)

This ambiguity, however, of whether Claire and Jamie can actually save anyone is a large theme of the book, and I like that. It's a kind of time travel narrative that skips all the moralising about paradoxes and gets to the personal. Claire loves Frank, and wants him to have existed in the future. Claire loves Jamie and the Lallybroch men, and wants them to survive Culloden. Claire and Jamie want to save as many people as they can. And that's a noble cause, and not something the narrative punishes them for. For all the pain and trauma that come about as a result of the uprising, it doesn't rest at the feet of that caring impulse. Which is nice to see, you know? Claire's just one person trying to make the best of it in an intensely hostile world, and her struggles and choices make for an engaging read.

Next, something not all too far from Outlander - a look at sex in Medieval Europe.

#Dragonfly in Amber #Diana Gabaldon #bookblr #book blog #book blogger #4

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foryoureyesdear · 1 year

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June 19th, 2023

For your eyes only,

I am currently sitting in the Centurion Lounge at Charlotte, NC Airport. I just spent fathers day weekend with my Grandpa, Grandma, and Dad. It’s my mom’s birthday and I’m flying back to NY to spend time with her and my brother.

What a lovely weekend it was. Funny story, I flew into the wrong airport initially. I had to take an uber to a bus to a train, just to finally get within my grandparents reach to pick me up and bring me to their newly built home.I love their new home, not as much as I love their previous home in the Pocono of course. That house was everything. The smell, the homeiness, the clutter, the SIZE, the fun, the memories. We even had our hands imprinted into the walls of the house. How could I not mis it? It’s such a huge part of my youth.

I wish I made more of an effort to go ee the house in it’s last days. Or I at least wish I knew the last time I was there, would actually be, the last time I was there.

Anyways I love their new house, It feels just like the one from my childhood, jut more intimate and less hectic.

The first day I got in we just had wine and Cava for dinner and watched guess who’s coming to dinner. I loved it. Not the movie, but watching the movie with my grandparents and seeing how much they enjoyed it.

The second day, I got some work done, and then went to lounge by the pool with my grandma. Tan a bit, gossip a bit. Me and grandma always gossip, It’s a new thing we’ve developed since becoming not necessarily closer, but just honest and blunt with each other. We’ve kind of dropped the PC family bullshit between each other. It’s a nice feeling. It’s a recent development,

After the movie and 6 glasses of wine later me and grandma stayed up late talking about family drama while grandpa went to bed. We both shared how important we thought it was that my dad and my grandad connect this weekend, considering the fact that they have not even each other in 4+ years. It was nice to be open with someone about this topic. Especially someone who spends everyday with my grandpa. It was refreshing to hear her perspective. She shared more of her life story. I shared some of mine. I told her I was proud to be her granddaughter, and I admired how much her and my grandpa have overcome in their lives. She shared how similar she thought my dad and grandpa are with heir parenting habits. I agreed.

At the end of the convo we both thanked each other for being o open and honest. She said something that really touched my heart. She said “thank you for that conversation and opening up, It makes me feel included, and I’ve never felt that completely in this family.” We hugged and said goodnight and I slept like a baby.

Third day we went to a spa, got a massage, had some thai food. A pretty chill day.

I got in an argument with Josh, and that took up the remainder of my evening. In summary he had a huge night with his photography. Shooting one of his favorite artists. When he tried to tell me about it the next day I tried to speak positivity into his future in photography and he rejected it. We talked it out later, he explained how that’s his way of protecting himself from disappointment and I expressed how I speak life into situations because It’s the way I was raied, even if it is anxiety inducing. I love him. We have our arguments like any other couple, but out arguments are so passionate. They have love, confusion, hurt, curiosity, and worry behind them. Not a sliver of hate, anger, or vindictiveness.

The fourth day my dad came. I love seeing my dad. I don’t see him often these days. At first I was a bit frustrated with him. He was doing that thing where it seems like he’s only spending time with everyone, to tell others around him that he spends time with his family. Once I let go of that feeling and really looked at him, I could see a man who was exhausted, who made an effort to his family after non stop travel for work. A man so imperfect but makes and effort, In his own little fucked up way. I love my dad. As angry as I am with him for the past, I love him for the man that he tried to be. And the man that he still has the potential to be? I don’t know. But I cry like a baby after every time I see him recently. Hurt tears, but loving ones.

I asked my grand dad to have a talk with my dad. A heart to heart. He said he would. Idk if he ended up doing it. But, I’m happy I made the effort to heal wounds between them. I t may help heal the wounds between me and my dad? Who knows.

We had Lobster and steak for fathers day. I baked a blueberry pie. It was okay to me, but everyone said they love it, so it was a success to me. We spent some time chatting reminiscing.

Then we watched stand up comics. Such a Law family thing to do. We watched Katt Williams, Earthquake, and finished off with Richard Pryor. Such a good time and a good laugh.

Which brings us to the present. Today. I missed my first flight to NY and I’m waiting for my next. Hopefully my mom’s birthday goes well and he’s not too upset that I’m late.

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drewexe · 2 years

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Like The Stars Pt. 2

pt.1 pt.2 pt.3 pt.4

Pairing: jaemin x fem!reader

Genre: smut, fluff, sex lessons au, friends to lovers

Word Count: ~8,8k

Includes: high school seniors (everyone is legal of age); canon bisexual mc; side characters donghyuck, renjun, and karina; profanities; obviously, sex lessons; kind of a slow burn?; mc being oblivious and kind of innocent but hopefully not in an annoying way; a blowjob + fingering (going slow and steady, yes)

Summary: you'd had a crush on renjun for as long as you could remember, but your lack of experience always stopped you from taking the first step; it's a good thing you have your trusted friend jaemin to help you out

Author's note: okay so here is the part 2 of this little story ! once again, thank you all so much for all the love you've given to pt1, i appreciate all of you so much ! i hope you'll enjoy this part just as much ^^ disclaimer, time moves weirdly in this, please close your eyes and pretend it makes sense ehe-

Despite your genuine intention, it took more than a couple of weeks before your lessons went further. It’d been in fact almost two months now. Not that you didn't have… sessions, during that period. No, it was just that every time you tried to go on, you got anxious again and instead, just repeated what you already had tried. At least you could say you were getting better at handjobs by now, as Jaemin had given you more tips and advice, as well as simply letting you get more practice.

Yet you were getting frustrated with yourself - why were you so scared by the idea of a blowjob? It was dumb. Especially since the whole point was that you could have a safe environment and someone you trust who would guide you and not mock you if you messed up. So you figured that it was about damn time.

Jaemin had invited you over to his place as he needed help with English and you had happily agreed - as someone who traveled a lot, it was safe to say that you were more than able to help. Currently, the two of you were sitting on the floor in his room, notebooks spread between you two as you did your best to explain to him the different forms of past tense and their proper uses.

You were in the middle of explaining how past perfect tense worked when he suddenly let out a loud huff and plopped down to lay on his back.

“This is so annoying!” he whined, kicking up one of his legs slightly. “I don't wanna study anymore, who cares if I fail the class!”

You raised your eyebrows at him and reached over, slapping his knee.

“Stop acting like a spoiled child, Nana” you scolded, yet a small smile curved your lips in endearment.

“Y/N, I am a spoiled child,” he said, raising his head to look at you. Upon noticing your smile, he grinned back immediately and stood up. “Come on, don't tell me you actually wanna just keep your nose buried in these notebooks the whole afternoon,” he raised his eyebrows. Your only response was shaking your head slightly in disappointment.

He huffed again and pouted, picking up his pen again as you once again started explaining. Unfortunately, it wasn't even 5 minutes later when he interrupted you again: “Okay, I can't focus for real, I'm sorry.”

“Alright, enough for today,” you hummed. Truth be told, you too weren't in the mood to go on, especially if it wouldn't help at all. The two of you quickly discarded the now unneeded books and you looked at him. “So what should we do then?”

Jaemin shrugged, leaning his back on the bed behind him.

“Anything you wanna do specifically?” he turned the question to you, a soft smile on his lips.

Your mind spiraled away through what options you had, until the lesson you had just finished reminded you of the lessons you had yet to go through. Biting your lips, you looked at him.

“I think I'm ready to go further,” you said quietly, hoping he would understand. When he looked at you with confusion, you clarified: “With my own lessons. If you're okay with that, of course.”

He looked at you for a long moment and you were almost getting anxious when he chuckled.

“I never would have expected that you'd be so excited to learn about sex, princess.” His tone held no objection or mockery though, simply amusement, so you rolled your eyes in response.

“I don't remember you disagreeing even once,” you pointed out and he scoffed slightly, leaning closer to you.

“Would you talk back like that if I was Renjun?” he asked quietly and for a second, you felt like there was something more behind those words. Yet his usual grin was back again in a blink as he got up off his spot and made his way to sit on the bed again.

Seeing him get comfortable, you lifted yourself slightly and crawled over to him, plopping down on your knees. When you looked up at him, you found him staring at you, eyebrows raised in surprise.

“Way to set the mood,” he chuckled a bit awkwardly, reaching over to cup your chin gently. “Don't push yourself too hard, okay?”

You nodded slightly in confirmation, gently pressing your palm over his crotch. You started rubbing slow circles over his length and he let go of your face in favor of resting his arms on his sides for balance. It didn't take long before you felt him get hard under your touch so you pulled your hand away and reached up to undo his pants, pulling them down along with his underwear. By now you had grown used to seeing his dick, yet now that you were planning on putting it in your mouth, the anxiousness from the first time was back. To distract yourself, you looked up at him again.

“Say, would you mind taking your t-shirt off for me this time?” you asked, fluttering your eyelashes at him fakely.

“You're gonna be the death of me,” he laughed, yet obliged quickly, the fabric thrown somewhere to the side and quickly forgotten about.

You took a moment just to admire his upper body. He wasn't really buff, yet his muscles were well defined. You couldn't help but reach up and gently trace the outline of his abs, feeling the muscles tense slightly under your touch.

“Sorry, I-” you pulled your hand away quickly.

“No, it's okay,” he reassured you quickly with a short exhale. “That's nice”. You smiled at him in appreciation and your hand was back at its spot, gently touching his stomach.

Slowly, you dragged it down his skin until it reached his half-hard length and you wrapped your hand around him as your other one came to rest on his thigh. You started stroking him slowly, your main goal right now was to work him up enough. You had come to learn that teasing slow touches and occasionally tightening your grip around him worked great for this so it didn't take you long to have him fully hard.

“Remember, take it slow, okay?” he made sure to say, though his voice was already a bit strained. “Don't go all in at once and you don't have to right away take it in your mouth. You can just use your tongue at first.”

You hummed and leaned down, dragging your tongue up the underside of his length, drawing a curse out of him. You couldn't help but smile as you repeated the action and he squirmed slightly. You pressed an open-mouthed kiss to the side, squeezing your hand around him gently, then moved your lips up to the tip. That was it, you were finally doing it. Inhaling through your nose, you wrapped your lips around the head and your tongue licked at the slit.

You looked up to see how he would react and found him staring at you intensely, body tensed up as if he was trying to hold back from reacting. When his eyes met yours, he cursed quietly under his breath and one of his hands moved to curl into your hair. His touch was surprisingly gentle as he rubbed your scalp reassuringly.

“You're doing great so far, princess,” he praised quietly.

Suppressing your smile, you twirled your tongue around his tip and at the same time started stroking him with your hand again. Okay, truth be told, you had done a little bit of research on your own - not that you didn't trust that Jaemin would be a good enough teacher, you just wanted to make him proud and you couldn't do that without any real idea of how blowjobs worked. Judging by the way his hips twitched, it was worth it. You did want to make him feel as good as possible though, so finally mustering up the courage, you opened your lips wider and started moving down, trying to take as much as you could of him.

Obviously, though, you had overestimated yourself as not even halfway down, you started feeling uncomfortable and you had to slow down. You felt a tug at your hair, which you took as a sign to go on so you forced yourself to go further, yet a new one, a bit harder came.

“Stop- fuck, Y/N, stop,” Jaemin groaned out and you immediately pulled away, scared you'd fucked up everything.

“What did I do wrong?” you asked immediately after you took a proper breath, looking up at him with a sense of panic filling you up.

“You didn't-” he started, pausing as if to rearrange his thoughts or to find the proper words. “You haven't done anything wrong, princess,” Jaemin said finally, looking at you with gentle eyes. “Trust me, you are doing really well.”

“Then why did you want me to stop?” your voice was quiet and you bit your lips.

“You're focusing too much on what you think you should do next,” he responded, gently stroking your hair, which soothed the slight sting from the pull earlier. “Relax, okay? If these things are done the way they should be, both you and your partner should be enjoying it. You have the upper hand, you're the one in control right now, don't rush through it just to cover everything.” You blinked up at him, confused at what he meant exactly. “You tried to go all the way down, didn't you?” he asked and you nodded slightly. “Don't. I mean, do it if you want to, obviously, but do it when you feel ready, not just because you think that's what's supposed to happen next. You're doing so well, just go with what feels comfortable for you.”

“Okay,” you hummed quietly and the smile that curved his lips was so endearing that you felt fluttering in your chest. You leaned down again, yet he spoke up again, pulling your attention.

“Go slow and have fun. And if you're not having fun, stop, okay?” He was staring at you intensely so you nodded in confirmation, a silent reassurance that you wanted to do this.

Back on track, you took the tip back between your lips, sucking gently as your hand was once again moving along his shaft at a moderate pace. Then you thought about his words - have fun. You slowed down your hand, having just the tips of your fingers press against his skin. You started pressing open-mouthed kisses against his length, occasionally licking gently. Jaemin's hand moved back into your hair.

“Do you really have to be a fucking tease?” he whined out, though you thought whining wasn't what he was going for. “I've been waiting for this for so long and you…”

“I'm having fun,” you said innocently, licking your lips as you pulled away and looked up at him, brushing your thumb down the underside of his dick. The slight twitch of his body made you smile slightly and you tightened your grip around him again, this time a little harder.

“Shouldn't have said that,” he groaned out, leaning his head back and exposing his neck to you. You laughed in amusement, yet you couldn't help but think about marking him up again. He was right, it was best not to do it to avoid someone catching up. Yet maybe if they weren't visible…

Still having your hand stroke him at a slow pace, you moved your lips on his inner thigh. You kissed the skin gently, and you could see in the corner of your eye his head shooting up to look at you. You decided to give it a try and started sucking lightly. When he didn't try to stop you, you took on the job more seriously, nibbling on his skin and sucking harder. His thigh shivered slightly under your lips. You pulled away only when you were sure a mark would be left and you were not disappointed.

You looked up again at him and found him biting his lips. He seemed so tense and you realized that you'd forgotten about your initial task, your hand only loosely wrapped around the base of his dick. You mumbled an apology and brought your lips back to his tip. This time you felt a little better, you were pretty sure you could do this. Wrapping your lips around him, you slowly started taking him in again. You felt the same pressure from before, yet this time you were better prepared for it. Relaxing your jaw, you pulled out to the tip and then went back down as much as you could.

Your mouth was working slowly, your tongue helping here and there. You looked up for a reaction but you were not prepared for the groan that left Jaemin's lips as your eyes met his.

“You look so sinfully beautiful like this, fuck-” he gasped out, his hips twitching up slightly.

You felt pride fill you up again and that alone was enough to motivate you to go lower. The pressure increased and you couldn't help but choke slightly. What you didn't expect was to hear Jaemin moan out your name at that. Your eyes widened slightly and you felt a shiver run down your spine. Up until now, he had been giving positive reactions to whatever you did to him, but this was the first time you had heard something as vocal as that. In all honesty, you loved it. So you wanted to try it again. Yet as you once again started taking more of him in your mouth, you felt Jaemin's grip on your hair tighten. His self-control seemed to not be enough for this as he bucked his hips up. The movement wasn't big, but it was sharp and you couldn't help but choke again.

Jaemin groaned lowly, eyes closed as if he was trying to focus on you and your mouth only. His fingers loosened their hold on your hair gently again and you were relieved to be able to pull away a bit. Maybe with a little more practice, you'd be able to do this for longer. Now was not that moment so instead, you focused on the amount of him that you were comfortable with in your mouth. You kept your hand on the part that you couldn't cover.

You were starting to feel a little overwhelmed already. It felt like you'd been doing this for quite some time and you considered pulling away for a breath and asking if you were not doing something right. But with one harder squeeze of your fingers around his length, you felt him tense up in that way that you knew indicated he would cum soon.

“I'm close, princess,” he breathed out heavily, opening his eyes to look at you. You noticed how dilated his pupils were. “You don't have to- you can pull away and finish up with just your hands, otherwise it might be a bit too much for a first time,” he advised. The effort he put into making sure to be considerate and helpful was touching. So you decided to give it a shot.

Instead of pulling away, you focused on sucking harder and speeding up your movements as much as you could, bringing him over to the edge quicker than you'd expected. Suddenly, you felt a warm liquid fill your mouth and you pulled away a little so you could swallow comfortably. At first, it was okay, his cum felt a little too thick but you could manage. But quickly it did indeed get too much and you felt some of it escape the corners of your mouth. You swallowed as much as you could before finally pulling away.

You looked up at him once again. He was breathing heavily, sweat glistening on his skin and his eyes were frozen on your mouth. You quickly wiped away the cum that was still on your chin, imagining you probably looked kinda disgusting, looking away embarrassed. He had specifically told you not to try that yet, but you had overestimated yourself and ended up making a mess of yourself.

“So fucking gorgeous,” you heard him mumble and your eyes widened slightly, looking back at him in surprise. He chuckled quietly, leaning down to brush your hair away from your face and carefully wiping the corners of your lips. “I wanna scold you for not listening to me, yet I also wanna kiss you so much right now because you look so damn hot.”

You blinked in confusion, your brain not fully understanding how you could have possibly looked hot with cum dribbling down your chin.

“Did you really… find that attractive?” you asked doubtfully and he laughed.

“Come here,” he said, tapping his thighs and you carefully stood up, sitting in his lap. Well almost stumbling in it as your knees nearly gave out when you stood up. “Can I kiss you?”

“But I just-” you started, but he shushed you and cupped your cheek. He leaned closer but didn't press his lips against yours just yet. You realized he was waiting for confirmation. “Well, if it doesn't disturb you at all, yes,” you said quietly.

He was kissing you before you even had time to process it. His lips were moving against yours, a hint of almost desperation in the way he pushed his tongue in your mouth. You had a second to question how he didn't feel gross about kissing you while the taste of him was still in your mouth before thoughts left your mind completely and you kissed back, wrapping your arms around his neck and pressing closer to him. When you pulled away, he licked his lips and pressed them against your neck gently in a soft peck, making you shiver.

“You did so well, princess,” he mumbled against your skin and you felt yourself heating up. His arms wrapped around your waist as if to pull you closer, yet he didn't do that. “You're always doing your best, I am so proud of you.”

“Nana?” It's not that you didn't appreciate the praise, on the contrary, you loved hearing it. But his voice was so soft and full of appreciation, that you were a little confused.

As if the sound of his name pulled him from a trance, he pulled away from your skin and unwrapped his arms from you.

“Anyways, I'm sorry to ask you to move again but I should get dressed again, so…” he chuckled and you got up from him. He pulled his pants back on, dug out a new t-shirt, and returned to the bed, getting in it as he offered his arm to you. “Cuddles?”

You weren't one to say no so with a smile you quickly got on the bed as well, laying down next to him. You curled up on his side, one of his arms wrapping around your waist gently. Sighing quietly, you got comfortable and closed your eyes. Not that you wanted to sleep at the moment, but it was just peaceful enough that you felt like you could. Yet your mind was still a little bit stuck on what you had been doing just a few minutes ago.

“Nana… were you- holding back earlier?” you asked, eyes focused on the ceiling above your heads instead of the boy.

“I'm always holding back when I'm with you, princess,” he chuckled and you felt like there was something more in that confession that you should have caught onto, yet you weren't sure what it was exactly. “By the way, I was thinking…” You hummed, looking at him in expectation. “I know this is technically to help you and all, but… well, obviously I get quite a lot from it so…”

“Come on, what is it?” you pushed, the pauses in his sentences making it obvious to you that he was stalling. You weren't even sure what to expect from him in this situation.

“Well, as I said, I won't do anything to you that you haven't asked me for, but…” he sighed, looking at you finally. “I was thinking that it's not fair that only you do all the work so… if you ever, like, need me to return the favor or something, I'd be happy to help.”

You raised your eyebrows at him, and suddenly the image of him going down on you came back to your mind.

“So if I asked you to get me off right now, you'd agree?” you asked to confirm if you'd really understood him. Yet he seemed to take it as an invitation, or maybe it was just blatantly obvious that you were in fact quite needy as a small smirk curved his lips and the hand that was wrapped around your waist subtly moved lower down your stomach.

“I like to think that I'm quite skilled in this so I promise you won't be disappointed, princess,” he said and you almost wanted to smack him just to wipe the confidence off his face. Almost. Except that it sent a tingle down your spine and your breath caught in your throat when you felt his fingers press gently against the wetness between your legs. He raised his eyebrows slightly. “Shit, you do seem like you need it quite a lot right now.”

You opened your mouth to say something - defend yourself or remind him about how easily he got worked up every time you touched him. But you didn't get a chance to voice out anything as at that moment someone rang the doorbell. Jaemin froze, a curse escaping him a second later and he pulled away.

“I completely forgot I promised Renjun we'd play today,” he sighed as he got up off the bed. It took you a moment to realize then your eyes widened.

“Wait, that's Renjun at the door?!” you asked, your voice rising slightly as you sat up immediately. Jaemin nodded and you felt like this had to be some cruel joke.

You got off the bed and rushed over to the mirror in his room. As you suspected, your hair was a mess and your lips were still puffy from earlier. You cursed under your nose, reaching for Jaemin's hairbrush to at least get your hair to look normal. Once you deemed yourself presentable enough, the two of you made your way downstairs and Jaemin went to open.

“Hey, man, come in,” he greeted, grinning at the slightly older boy and stepping to the side so he could enter. “Sorry I took a while, Y/N is here, she was helping me with English,” he explained and you were glad that there was a normal reason for you to be at his place initially.

“Oh, hey, Y/N!” Renjun beamed at you when his eyes met yours and you smiled back, waving at him. “Sorry to interrupt your study session,” he said and the irony of it almost made you laugh.

“It's okay,” you reassured, fingers playing with the bracelet on your wrist nervously. “Do you two want me to leave you or something?”

“Oh, no, we'd love you to stay,” Jaemin was the first one to reply, grinning. “If you don't mind watching us play, of course.”

You shook your head to confirm you didn't in fact mind just watching and so the three of you moved to the living room where Jaemin's gaming console was situated.

Jaemin wasn't known for having a strong competitive spirit, yet for some reason, at the moment he seemed determined to not allow Renjun to win. Renjun, on the other side, was always competitive. Legs thrown over Jaemin's lap on the couch, you watched the most intense gameplay you'd ever seen. Your eyes moved to Renjun who had chosen to take a spot cross-legged on the floor next to the couch, eyebrows furrowed in concentration as he pressed buttons on his joystick furiously. You chuckled quietly, looking up at Jaemin instead. There was determination in his eyes that you were not used to seeing. His jaw was clenched tightly and you couldn't help but admire his side profile for a second. He was an extremely good-looking boy, no wonder girls in school were so whipped for him. Well, obviously you had always known that but in the light of the most recent events between you two, you felt like you were seeing him in a new light.

Then you looked back at Renjun again. You had been in love with him almost as long as you could remember knowing him. Obviously, he was attractive, although it was in a different way from Jaemin. Renjun was somehow softer to look at, largely due to the fact that he was shorter and more petite. You knew that below the softness he was fiery and not to be messed with, but you had always been, well, soft for him. Thinking about it, you weren't sure if you had ever thought about him in a sexual way. You didn't think that was a bad thing. But you couldn't really bring yourself to imagine being intimate with him even right now, nervousness filling you as you attempted that, unlike how comfortable you felt with Jaemin.

Caught up in your head, you had forgotten about the game the two boys were playing and you were pretty startled when Jaemin suddenly jumped up with a victorious shout, making your legs fall to the side and causing you to lose your balance as you nearly fell off the couch.

“You don't usually care this much about winning, Jaemin,” Renjun laughed, shaking his head slightly, although you could see on his face the disappointment and frustration of losing.

“We don't usually have an audience,” Jaemin pointed out, turning his shining eyes to you as a grin spread his lips. “I dedicate this win to you, princess. And I also believe I deserve a congratulatory kiss for it.”

He was joking, obviously, he had to be. He couldn't have just asked you to kiss him in front of Renjun. You stared at him wide-eyed, your legs still dangling awkwardly from the couch. Yet no laugh came and no ‘just kidding’ so you had to assume he really meant it. Glancing shortly at Renjun, you stood up and told yourself to relax, smiling at him.

"Oh, my brave knight in shining armor, you have made me the happiest person in this room by winning for me a game that I don’t even know the name of," you said dramatically as you leaned over and pressed a peck against his cheek, his smile widening even more.

Renjun's eyes moved between you two, his eyebrows raised as if he was trying to piece everything together and make sense of it.

“You two have gotten closer recently,” he remarked and for a second you were scared he'd assume something which would not be true at all. You were ready to say something to distract him, yet he spoke up first. "I'm happy to see it, though. I always thought you’re a bit too distant."

You felt relief wash over you - he thought you were simply better friends. Well, you guessed he was right about that. But at least he hadn't caught up that there could be more behind that.

“This boy is tragic in English, I have to come to help him quite often,” you chuckled.

Jaemin shot you a quick upset look that appeared as if feeling betrayed that you'd called him out on his English skills (which weren't even that bad, to begin with), yet you felt bad for lying like that, even though you knew that you couldn't possibly tell Renjun the truth.

The school cafeteria was emptier than usual as one of the teachers had called in sick today and everyone who had classes with her had had a free period. As a result, some of the students who had classes with her before or after lunch break had decided to go for a meal somewhere outside. Well, your friend group wasn't among those people so you were, as usual, sitting on one of the tables in the back of the room, each munching on something.

“Oh, Jaemin, how did your English test go?” you asked suddenly, remembering that his English class had been one of his first.

“I think I've got it,” he grinned proudly, winking at you and you rolled your eyes, yet smiled at him.

“Well, no wonder, if Y/N has been helping you out and you still manage to fail, you must be a complete idiot,” Renjun noted, taking a bite of his sandwich. At the questioning look on the other two of your friends' faces, he blinked. “You guys didn't know as well? Turns out these two have been having English lessons together for a while now.”

“Oh, makes sense why you suddenly got so much closer with him then," Karina commented, a piece of chicken forgotten on her fork as she looked between you two. “I was starting to wonder since you never really said anything,” she grinned almost knowingly, setting her fork down and taking a sip of her drink instead.

“I know, right?” Renjun laughed. “Yesterday when I was over, they seemed so comfortable together, she even played along with his dumb flirting.”

“Yep, I just didn't think that's really something worth mentioning,” you nodded quickly.

Were you really going to get away so easily? Karina and Renjun didn't seem to really suspect anything, it seemed. But then your eyes moved to Hyuck and you found him looking at you with a calculating look on his face. You looked away, pretending you hadn't noticed. Hopefully, he wouldn't figure it out in the end. Hopefully, he wouldn't mention it.

Yet hope was a dangerous thing, you realized when you walked out of your next class and found Donghyuck waiting for you, arms crossed in front of his chest.

“You're having sex, aren't you?” he asked bluntly and you looked around frantically. No one seemed to pay you two attention.

“No!” you tried to deny quickly, but the look on his face told you he wasn't buying it. “Okay, yeah, I ended up asking him for real,” you admitted, fidgeting with your bracelet.

“Are you sure it's a good idea?” the boy asked and you felt a little bit better when you realized there was no judgment in his question, it was more like he was concerned. So you nodded, smiling.

“He's a great teacher and he's careful with me, plus I really do enjoy spending time with him even without that so it's pretty much a win-win situation,” you reassured, yet Hyuck seemed like he had something else in mind.

“Well, I hope you're right,” he said simply. “Such arrangements don't usually end well.”

But before you could ask for clarification, you saw Jaemin appear from the corner of the corridor as if he had heard you talking. In a blink, the serious expression on Hyuck's face was gone, replaced with a grin.

“Hey, lover boy,” he greeted the slightly younger boy and Jaemin slowed down in his steps, glancing at you.

“You told him...?” he asked in confusion.

“Tell me what?” Hyuck faked surprise, raising his eyebrows. “Something going on between you two aside from those English lessons?”

“He figured it out,” you sighed, smacking Donghyuck on the arm lightly. “I told you, I was on the phone with him when I was trying to remember things from the party. Unfortunately.”

“You truly amaze me,” Donghyuck laughed, patting Jaemin on the back. “I don't know what's funnier, the fact that your excuse for the others was English lessons or the fact that they bought it.”

“Don't jinx it,” you rolled your eyes. “And please don't tell them. I'd prefer Renjun not to know about this. And Karina… well, she’s my best friend, I'll tell her myself at some point.”

You were relieved when he nodded in agreement. You were startled by his arm suddenly wrapping around your shoulders and you looked to the side to find him grinning at you.

“You know, Y/N, I’ve heard rumors that Jaemin never sleeps with the same girl twice,” Hyuck whispered way too loudly. “Can you imagine? High school heartthrob, the most wanted boy that no one can truly have, is breaking his principles for you, Y/N,” he said dramatically and you rolled your eyes.

“Shut up, Hyuck, the two are completely different,” Jaemin scoffed and you could hear the cutting annoyance in his tone.

“I also heard,” Hyuck ignored him, widening his eyes for the sake of being dramatic. “That he’s not had a hook-up in a while now. Hmmm, maybe since around the beginning of the new school year. Why could that be?”

“Stop rambling nonsense,” Jaemin snapped, hitting him on the back of the head and Donghyuck laughed cheerfully, running away before Jaemin had the chance to use any more violence.

He didn’t miss the chance to send you a dramatic wink though before he was out of sight. As Jaemin walked you to your next class in comfortable silence, you couldn’t help but wonder why Donghyuck had mentioned both of those ‘rumors’. And the thought haunted you for a while after as well.

It wasn’t one of your best days, you could admit that. You had overslept and arrived late for school, mid-class realized you had forgotten both your history books (which meant that the teacher wouldn’t let you stay in class unless you could find someone to borrow from and, unlucky you, you couldn’t) and your lunch (which wasn’t as bad but still upsetting). On top of that, your mom had texted you that both she and your dad wouldn’t make it home today due to work. You were upset and slightly stressed out and your mind couldn’t focus on anything. So instead of going home once classes ended, you hid in the library.

“Oh, thank you, I wouldn’t have thought to check here,” a familiar voice said and you lifted your head from the table to see a familiar head. The librarian walked away as Jaemin took a book from one of the shelves and turned around. His eyes stopped on you and he raised his eyebrows in surprise. “Oh, Y/N, what are you doing here?”

“Oh, you know, soaking up some of the smart vibes,” you tried to joke, but you failed to make it sound humorous.

Jaemin seemed to catch on quickly that you weren’t your usual self and he made his way over to you, taking the seat across from yours.

“What’s wrong, princess?” he asked, eyebrows furrowing with concern.

“Oh, nothing really, just having an off day,” you reassured, managing a smile.

To be honest, seeing him lifted your mood. How hadn’t you thought about reaching out to him before for company? With your different class schedules, you often had a hard time seeing your friends at school, sometimes even during the lunch break you couldn’t all be together and it had slipped your mind that the other four of your friend group were actually in the same building as you.

“Wanna talk about it?” he asked carefully and didn't push when you shook your head no. “Alright then, is there anything I can do to make it better?”

“Already did, Jaem,” you smiled, reaching over to ruffle his hair and he chuckled. “I don't know why I didn't think of texting you for company or something.”

“Oh, that could happen,” he waved his hand. “I'm here now. Although I must admit, the school library is not my location of choice.”

“Well, if you want you can come over,” you offered. “My parents won't be home today so I would appreciate some company.” You couldn't help the bitterness in your tone.

The look on his face showed you that he understood what you weren't telling him - how much their absence affected you, how much you hated being alone in your home. Yet he didn't say anything about it, instead just smiled and agreed.

About 20 minutes and a bus ride later, the two of you walked into your house. The big empty space and the thought that there wouldn't be anyone else in here tonight overwhelmed you and you didn't feel like using the common rooms so you led the way to your bedroom.

“You know, I've been thinking about redecorating here,” you said, humming to yourself as you looked around. “Wanna help me?” you turned to him, smiling with sudden excitement.

“Sure,” he grinned. “What’cha thinking of doing?”

“Hmmm, I think it's time I take off some of those posters over there,” you pointed, “and I have a box of photos that I wanna put up but was always too lazy to do that.”

As you spoke, you walked over to your desk and pulled out the box in question. You shuffled through the things inside it - photos of you and your friends at random places and times plus a few with your parents - and were surprised to find an unopened pack of glow-in-the-dark stars. You had also wanted to put some of those on your walls but the thought had slipped your mind and now, looking at them, a smile curved your lips. Jaemin leaned over your shoulder, surprising you as you had not realized he was behind you, and chuckled.

“Sounds great, let's do it.”

Taking off the old things was easy, although a bit annoying. The real challenge came when it was time to put up the new stuff. The photos had a designated space on a corkboard that the two of you put up easily, but the arrangement seemed to be a living hell. No matter what you tried, you weren't satisfied.

“Maybe if you put Karina and Hyuck over here and below them the photo with me?” Jaemin was doing his best to help you, holding up the pins whenever you tried some new configuration. You hummed and tried what he had offered. “I think it looks nice.”

“Yes, but what about this one? It's from the same day as Karina and Hyuck but it doesn't work well in the space that's left,” you huffed, pouting. If only you weren't such a perfectionist at the most random of times…

“Well you could put it across and use them as some sort of frame?” he offered and you followed through, observing the way it looked like that.

“Yeah, that can work,” you thought about it for a moment, taking a few other photos and filling up the space. Then rearranged some of them. Then once again rearranged them. Finally, things were starting to look satisfying enough.

Little by little, with small suggestions from Jaemin and a lot of rearranging, you were pleased with what you had accomplished. The faces of your favorite people were looking back at you, smiling as if congratulating you for a job well done. A smile grew on your face as well.

The next step was putting up the stars. And yes, it was just as hard. You wanted them to make up actual constellations which meant that you had like ten tabs open on your phone as you guided Jaemin on where to put each star. Putting up your star sign's constellation had been the first step, followed by the dragon, which took way too much time, and by the end, you were feeling bad about making Jaemin do all this with you, but he reassured you with a bright smile that he didn't mind.

“Put that big one as Sirius,” you pointed, currently making the big dog. You had just finished up with Orion.

“You'll have to be a little more precise, what the fuck is Sirius?” Jaemin laughed awkwardly, looking at you in confusion.

“The brightest star visible in our sky,” you rolled your eyes, chuckling. “And also part of the dog. Take, like, eight times Orion's belt following its line.”

“I know you live in a mansion but I don't think your wall is big enough for that, love,” he rolled his eyes and you huffed.

“Then just follow the line and put it somewhere,” you said, tone slightly bratty, but he obliged without protesting. “Now, put another one above it and to the left kinda, and then kinda make a triangle.”

“God, just show me what it should look like,” Jaemin sighed, turning to you. “This is so far the worst explanation you've given me.”

You exaggerated an exasperated groan and turned your screen towards him, letting him take in the image. Nodding to himself, he got back to work, sticking little glowing stars on your wall and the constellation slowly came to life.

“Alright, there are not enough stars for anything else so that should be all,” you checked the box while Jaemin got off the chair the two of you had set up instead of a ladder.

“Thank all gods!” he sighed dramatically and you chuckled, walking over to him.

You weren't sure what took over you, yet the next thing you knew was that you were tiptoeing to press your lips, still curved in a small smile, on his in a gentle peck. When you pulled away, his eyebrows were raised in surprise.

“I just-” you started, biting your lips. “Thank you. For helping me and for keeping me company.”

“Of course, princess,” he smiled gently. “Anything you need, I am here to help.”

You bit your lips, thinking for a moment. You were so used to doing something sexual whenever the two of you got together and your mind was already drifting away in that direction. But you didn't want to ruin the pure and soft energy that the two of you had established for now.

“Nana, can we cuddle?” you asked instead and he chuckled.

“I didn't know you still need to ask about that,” he teased, “given what else that we have done.”

“Yeah, but… it’s always nice to ask, y’know. Plus, I wanna sit in your lap or something like that,” you pouted.

Shaking his head slightly, Jaemin took your hand and pulled you to the bed, getting up on it and pulling you sideways in his lap. He looked at you as if for confirmation that that's what you had meant and you nodded, leaning your head on his shoulder and wrapping your arm around his waist. One of his arms wrapped around you to hold you closer and his fingers started drawing small figures on your side as his other hand rested on your knee. A small smile curved your lips. It was at times like this when you appreciated how clingy this boy was. It felt perfect, it felt safe. And it felt like home more than the empty house you were in.

For a while it was quiet. Your mind started drifting away and suddenly you remembered the things Donghyuck had said the other day. It wasn’t as much about why he hadn’t made this a one-time thing, instead what kept you thinking was the idea that he had stopped seeing other people. And even more so the fact that you were unexplainably pleased by that.

“Nana?” you said quietly and he hummed. "Have you really not been with anyone else since we started this lessons thing?”

You felt his fingers stop moving and you looked up at him. He was looking at you, lips pressed together and an unreadable expression on his face.

“Yeah,” he nodded in the end. “I thought that it would be unfair to you. Plus, I don’t really need to see anyone else.”

“But what we do here is not something official,” you pointed out, your chest clenching as the words left your lips. You weren't sure why. “You’ve never really been one to settle down. I never intended to stop you from hooking up with other people. Or even dating someone, if you have found someone.”

“You're not stopping me, princess,” he said, sighing as he rubbed your back gently. “I am not interested in anyone else at the moment, that's the reason. And you're doing quite well in satisfying my needs, so why would I be?”

He chuckled slightly at the end and smiled at you as if trying to reassure you that you had nothing to worry about. Yet his smile didn't reach his eyes and you couldn't help but worry that he was hiding something from you.

“Do you… ever feel like I'm just using you?” you asked, biting your lips. This had been something you worried about for a while actually - sure, he only seemed uncomfortable the first time, but what if he just didn't want to hurt you by backing out after he had already agreed?

“Love, what's with these questions all of a sudden?” he raised his eyebrows, taking your chin between his fingers and lifting your head slightly to make sure you were looking at him. “Of course you're not ‘just using’ me. I agreed to it and, trust me, I enjoy every moment of it. If you're anxious because I wait for you to initiate things, we agreed on that at the beginning and it’s for you to feel comfortable, right?”

You nodded slightly, a small pout curving your lips. It seemed like he wasn't sure whether you believed him or not, so he hummed and leaned closer, pecking your lips softly. You blinked in surprise.

“Is this enough to convince you that I am happy with the way things are or would you need me to fuck you to prove it?” he grinned and you rolled your eyes. You were well aware it was just a joke yet your body seemed to react to the suggestion as you felt yourself heating up.

“I don't-” you started, but you weren't sure what you wanted to say. As much as the idea of having sex with Jaemin seemed appealing, you didn't feel that the time was right. But then again, it did seem appealing… and he had offered…

“What are you thinking about, princess?” he asked, his voice so close to your ear that it startled you. “You can be honest with me.”

“I'm not… ready to go all the way,” you admitted. “But now thanks to you I'm also needy.” You childishly whined out that one, rolling your eyes.

“My offer still stands,” he said with a small smirk on his lips as his fingers on your knee started gently moving up and down your skin. “All you have to do is ask if you want me to take care of that for you.”

“Since when are you into teasing?” you scoffed, looking away as you couldn't stand looking at the knowing curve of his lips and his eyes looking at you intensely.

“I've always been like this, you know,” he responded, tilting his head to the side. “And just because I haven't commented on it, doesn't mean I don't notice the way you move uncomfortably when you try to hide how turned on you are. You look adorable, by the way, the way you squirm around and get all shy without even realizing it. Makes me want to ravish you every time.”

“Oh my god, Jaemin, shut up!” you whined out. You'd be lying though if you said his words didn't affect you. You couldn't help but feel embarrassed that he had seen through you that easily. Yet the fact that he claimed to get turned on by that made the heat between your legs spread. So you took his hand on your knee, moved it up to your thigh, and after a deep breath said: “If you really mean that, now's your time to shine.”

A soft laugh left his lips but he didn't wait for a second invitation to let his hand slip under your uniform skirt along your sensitive skin.

“Should I take revenge for all the teasing you put me through and edge you on until you're begging me to finally make you come?” he asked, voice low as his thumb brushed against your clothed clit, making your thighs twitch.

“I never meant to tease you!” you defended yourself, although if you had to be honest, you did enjoy it a lot of the time.

“I know, princess,” he assured you, despite the knowing smirk on his lips. “And since you've been such a diligent student… you deserve a little reward.”

And true to his word, he carefully pushed your panties to the side and one of his fingers moved up your slit, drawing a whimper out of you. His thumb pressed against your clit and rubbed carefully and you let your head fall back on his shoulder.

There was something different about Jaemin at the moment. Yes, he'd always been confident and even though you were usually the one in control, that didn't change. But this time his energy was different - he was dominating the situation with nothing more than a couple of soft touches.

One of his fingers started pushing inside you slowly and you bit your lips to hold back a whimper. His free hand moved to your head and gently stroked your hair as he started pumping his finger in and out carefully. Occasionally, his thumb would rub over your clit. And as good as it felt… it was nowhere near enough.

“Jaemin, please,” you pleaded quietly. “You said you wouldn’t tease.”

“I’m just making the most of my time,” he chuckled. “You’re just too soft and wet, princess, I’m sorry.” You wined out and he smiled a little wider. “Give me a kiss and I’ll think about it.”

“I’m starting to think you really meant that part about the begging,” you muttered as you hooked your fingers in his shirt and tugged him closer to press your lips against his.

“Don’t mind if you do,” he whispered against your lips when you pulled away, the corner of his mouth tugging upwards.

Yet he didn’t wait for you to say anything else. His movements sped up almost immediately after a second finger made its way inside you. This time you couldn’t fight your moan as a shiver ran down your spine. Jaemin’s fingers worked quickly inside you, spreading you out and curling, pressing against your walls until he found that spot that made you shake with pleasure. And then it was like a whole new world opened its doors for you.

Jaemin pressed his lips gently against your neck, kissing along your skin. You could feel how careful he was to not spend too much time on any one spot in case your skin bruised and it saddened you a bit, but fuck, it still felt so good. Then he moved up your throat to a spot below your ear. That’s where he started sucking on your skin harder. All the while, his fingers kept up their sweet torture, making your body twist in his hold as moans fell from your lips one after another.

“That’s my good girl,” Jaemin whispered against your ear and you whimpered. “I’ve imagined this so many times, you know? How receptive you’d be, how loud you’d get when I’m touching you. I’d also love to know how you taste, to see what you look like when you cum. Will you show me, princess?”

“Nana, please,” you whimpered again and the sharp exhale that you felt against your skin reminded you that he seemed to have a thing for begging. “I’m close, please, don’t stop.”

“As long as you promise to moan as loud as you can for me, princess,” he said with a low tone, his hot breath hitting your sensitive skin. “Tell me how good I’m making you feel, let me hear you.”

And who were you to say no, really? Not with the way his fingers were moving, not with the way his thumb was pressing against your clit, and definitely not with the way he was making you see stars. Every moan you let out seemed to make him even more determined until finally you couldn’t take it anymore and came with a whine of his name.

When you opened your eyes again, Jaemin was looking at you with the softest star-struck expression you’d ever seen. Your heart skipped a beat at the warmth in his eyes.

“You’re so beautiful,” he said softly and you felt bubbling in your chest. If you weren’t in a daze from your orgasm, you’d probably think about that. But you didn’t.

“And you’re hard,” you chuckled instead and earned yourself an eye-roll in response.

“I believe I have a pretty valid reason for that, while you didn’t have one for completely ignoring my compliment.”

“No, listen,” you hummed and pecked his cheek. “Thank you. But I just thought that it would be unfair to just leave you like this. I should return the favor, no?”

“Not this time, love,” he shook his head. “I’ll be okay. I’d prefer to just stay like this for a little longer.”

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