#isekai sucks

[thedepressedjuggalette]

hey so I saw your "THIS SHIT AIN'T NEW WHEN IT COMES TO ROWLING!" Reblog and i have always had this thought in mind.

you know how the Harry Potter fandom and you know how it is more well known that the bigger the fandom the chances of maybe mass harassment of some on who says something even wrong for like a piece of media like as an example how Anime Fan's tend to go after anyone who is even uncomfortable about what is shown or how fans of celebrities do not take it well when you point out that some one they like is awful?

I have been thinking, was there a chance that some one who tried to point out the nasty implications in the series could have been chased out due to trying to criticize the work and may have done so well that people like forgot?

its like I can't help but feel paranoid that that could have happened and been forgotten. because fandoms can be awful or cruel to critics.

That wouldn't be surprising, hell I might as well say YES because I can damn near guarantee that it's happened multiple times and is still happening to this day, but to take your consideration further as to commentate on the problems of fandom culture… I am gonna go on a bit of a tangent/rant so if you don't want to read that understand that you're spot on.

Anime/Weeb culture has existed and doubled down on and incentivized by the Anime and even Manga creators/studios to such an extent that women are outright ostracized to a point that it's disgusting. I have a question?

How many men have been asked to name every single anime title that had been created in the 90’s?

How many men have been asked to name every single song on the 12 album of the Beetles in order of length and then in order that is played?

How many men have been asked to name every album made by Sleep Token?

I can, with my full chest, say that no man has been asked these sorts of questions. But a woman? They've been asked these sort of things a million times for a million different fandoms.

I myself haven't, despite being a woman, only because I rarely interact with fandoms and do my best to avoid these sorts of situations, specifically online where I can easily be assumed to be the opposite gender. But there is also another aspect to it when it comes to anime as you've indirectly pointed out:

The treatment of female characters in just about 98% of anime and 99% of Isekai anime. That being female characters are either damsels in distress or just tits on a stick.

Softcore porn because the creators honestly think that their viewers are so unabashedly stupid and lack an attention span to such a point that they think they need to shove enough tits and ass shots – doubly so for under age characters – in order to keep the viewers’ attention.

Many weebs defend this sort of behavior because and I quote “Anime isn't for girls”.

My response is always, “Then you need to stop watching every anime made by women and you also have to step away from every magical girl show ever created.”

Fullmetal Alchemist: made by a woman.

Black Butler: made by a woman.

Revolutionary Girl Utena: made by a woman.

Fruits Basket: made by a woman.

Violet Evergarden: made by a woman.

Beastars, motherfucking INUYASHA, DEMON SLAYER, and SAILOR MOON WERE ALL MADE BY WOMEN!

The entire Manga and Anime industries face so much sex-based discrimination that female creators have to hide their genders through a pen-name. Your favorite anime was probably made by a woman who had to hide her gender/identity in order to get it published.

But this will never be acknowledged by the “Boy's Club” that is the Anime/Weeb community and the Industry. They don't want to acknowledge their bullshit.

They don't want to look at the opposite gender as anything other than objects. Objects to save, objects to look at, a pretty face to wank one out to.

It's so easy to piss off the Weebs that it's damn near ridiculous.

Write somewhere “Sakura is actually not useless, read the Light Novels which are actually cannon and she's actually written as a decent character.” and watch how many weebs will be pissed off by that alone.

Make a video talking about how you’re tired of being taken out of Isekai anime because the needless sexualization of the female characters just shoots your immersion down so hard that it hurts, while casually mentioning that you do like Dr. Stone and Demon Slayer, and watch as those casual mentions are ignored and get screamed at by so many weebs that you're forced to ignore it because it's clear they don't care about the other half of the audience.

Try to talk about how female characters are needlessly sexualized in their designs and it's getting to the point that you're unable to take the characters seriously when their own lore shows them to be something else entirely? Yeah good luck with how many assholes call you a “soyboy feminist who hates sexy characters”.

No matter what you do you're gonna get attacked and downed out. And that to me is horrifying.

[elizzsush]

Deadpool coded reader:

Reader: dramatically and sadly, “Day 925, the bats show no sign of releasing me- a totally normal and amazing citizen from this prison.”

Reader; “he has left the second scariest Robin to guard me, Jason.”

Red hood: a little offended; “Second?”

Reader: shuttering looking like she’s reliving something, “Damien is like a angry dog, he bites.”

Reader: “also is this lega- and he walked away. Hey! I want to speak to a lawyer!!”

Reader: now yelling “I have rights!!! I think- do you have rights in Gotham?”

_______________

Batman: finally shows up.

Reader: “hey It’s You! You know if I head a penny for a rich completely normal guy who is the center of a multi million  franchise of hero��s- while also being a hero himself through the means of money… well Id have two pennies!”

Dick: “what…?”

[thechaoticdruid]

[This Bites] (1)

Pairing: Astarion x F! Chubby! MC

Plot: Through some mysterious and very miraculous events, a young woman finds herself literally stuck with a character from her current video game obsession. You can guess it already. It's an isekai type fanfic. Except in this case Astarion is stuck in our modern world.  I was gonna call the MC Tav, but since the actual game character Tav is mentioned I just named her Winnie. 

Content Warnings: Death….sorta, An asshole of a stepdad, MC uses She/Her pronouns, eventual smut and sexual content in future parts. Characters may be Ooc, grammar/spelling mistakes are possible. MC has very low self esteem. Depressed MC.

Chapter One: You are here!

Chapter Two: Here!

~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~

“Argh I knew something would go wrong with this game!” The female huffed, staring down at her computer. Her eyes scanned over the error message titled ‘Character not found.’ She gritted her teeth in frustration. “God forbid I try mods….” 

The young woman groaned, shutting her laptop and falling back onto the bed. Apparently after finally installing a cheat mod onto Baldur's Gate 3 the game decided to retaliate and locked her out of her save files. She couldn't even create a new character either! The same ‘Character not found’ message seemed to pop up no matter what she did. The girl’s name was Winnie, a college student in her early twenties who was still living at home. Not too long ago Winnie had gotten the game upon release. She'd played it several times since then and even yet was still able to find some hidden secrets she didn't notice the first time. Honestly this game had really helped with her current state. Life had just been dull and miserable. All her friends had moved on and had their own lives now and she really wasn't the best at making new ones. 

She had a dull boring job, did online writing classes and also had to put up with the asshole her mother married. This game had been a godsend for her these past few months. It gave her an escape. A way to be someone else, at least for a little while anyway. 

Not to mention live out her somewhat cringey teenage girl fantasy of dating a walking red flag of a vampire. In this game she felt important. Like she was some badass heroine who was ready to take on any foe.  Not the shy, scared, awkward woman who she saw in the mirror.

Her cat Maddie broke Winnie from her thoughts as she hopped up onto the bed and crawled onto the young woman's chest. Winnie ran her hand over the cat's thick fluffy black fur.  Maddie gave a small mew before purring noisily and gently kneading her claws into Winnie’s chest.

Winnie sighed, scratching the sides of Maddie's face as she was soothed by the feline’s pur. 

“WINNIE! GET YOUR ASS IN HERE!!” A gruff male voice shouted from the other room, causing Maddie to jump and scramble off of Winnie and hide under the bed. 

The brunette haired girl sighed and got up, walking out of the room and cautiously stepping down the hall. 

“Yes, Brian?” Winnie spoke up as she entered the kitchen.  She looked over to see her stepfather stumbling about. Brian was a rather large man with short dark hair and beard. He was well….very unpleasant.

“Where are the goddamn car keys?” He growled out. 

“Dunno, I don't drive.” Winnie said calmly as she leaned up against the wall, “mom probably put them somewhere. Check the coffee table by the recliner.” 

Brian stomped off, a tiny tan fluff of a dog following after him.  He grabbed the keys before walking back into the kitchen. 

“I'm going to the store. Keep that stupid cat of yours in your room! It keeps shitting all over the carpet!” 

“I've told you over and over. Maddie only goes in the litter box. It's your dog that keeps making a mess in the house because you don't take him outside when he needs to go.” Winnie rolled her eyes.

“Don't fucking talk back to me! You're lucky your mother lets you stay here, if it was up to me you'd have been kicked out of here a long time ago.”  Brain snapped, making Winnie flinch a little at his tone.  “Now make sure the trash is taken out before I get back.” He said before stomping out the front door and slamming it behind him.  Winnie flinched once again at the loud sound before letting out a sigh and pulling the trash out of the can despite the fact that she distinctly remembered her mother telling Brian to take it out this morning. 

Winnie took out the trash before coming back inside heading back to her room. Her eyes scanned over her laptop as Maddie crawled out from under the bed.  She walked back over and opened the device, logging herself on before attempting to open her game back up.

[Character not found.]

Winnie groaned before filling out a bug report and then putting her computer up. She needed to get ready and go to work anyway. 

~•~•~•~•~•~•~

A few days had passed and nothing seemed to work. Winnie had disabled and deleted all the mods, sent in about a dozen but reports and still nothing. The only thing left she could try now was uninstalling the game and then reinstalling it. 

Winnie sat on the bed waiting patiently for the game to download though she knew it would at least take an hour. She pulled out her cellphone, noticing a text from her mother. The message was informing Winnie that Brian and her mom wouldn't be home until late tonight. At least this meant she'd have plenty of peace and quiet in the meantime. The young woman spread out on her bed, stretching her limbs before slowly closing her eyes, resting lazily.

Time passed as she slowly dozed off…Eventually she was awoken by the sound of beeping? It was some strange noise that she couldn't quite put her finger on. She quickly looked over to her laptop and her eyes widened as she noticed it seemed to be going crazy. Blinking and beeping.

“What the fuck!?” She exclaimed, grasping her computer and frantically clicking the mousepad. 

Then the screen went black before seemingly returning to the home screen. However, everything on the computer was gone save for one shortcut. Baldur's Gate 3.

The game’s shortcut sat in the very center of the computer, practically screaming at Winnie to click on it. She clicked it and the game opened up. 

Everything seemed to go as normal up until the title screen.  Winnie’s eyes widened in shock as she noticed all of the menu options were gone aside from (New Game).  She raised an eyebrow before clicking on the only option available and waiting as the opening cinematic played. Everything continued as it usually did. Winnie created her Tav, a human druid with an urchin background, then proceeded to hop into the game. 

Winnie did a bit of a speed run, moving through the Nautiloid as quickly as she could. She recruited Us, Lae'zel and freed Shadowheart before reaching the helm and crashing the ship.

Upon reaching the ravaged beach was when things began to get strange. 

The game buffered and blinked a bit, skipping the scene where Tav would check themselves out followed by some voiced narration. Tav was kinda just there on the beach. 

“Oh God. The game is glitching….” Winnie whined. She sighed in annoyance before clicking on the ground where she wanted Tav to walk. Winnie REALLY did not feel like uninstalling the game and waiting another hour to try again so she decided she'd play for as long as the game would allow.  Winnie had Tav wander over towards where Shadowheart would normally be laying after crash, only to find an empty space where the half elf should be.  Winnie groaned assuming it was another glitch before continuing on along the beach. While most things were there like the dead bodies and the intellect devourer enemies, Winnie did not see any sign of Shadowheart at all. Not even near the ruins where she'd be if she wasn't rescued by the player.  Winnie decided to quickly go and look for the other characters, sneaking her way past the little brain creatures and moving down the path where Astarion, the elven rogue companion, would be waiting to ambush the player.  He was Winnie’s favorite. She had a soft spot for sassy morally grey characters with tragic backstories. And he was also secretly a vampire to boot which just added to the appeal.  Winnie had her Tav approach the area before she let out a sigh of relief seeing as the vampiric elf was in his starting area shouting for help like normal. At least the game wasn't completely broken.

“Hurry I've got one of those brain things cornered.” Astarion’s dialogue began as soon as Tav got close enough to interact with him.  “There in the grass, you can kill it can't you? Like you killed the others?” 

“Uh….I kinda actually didn't kill any of them…Heheh.” Winnie chuckled before dragging her mouse over the dialogue choices.

1. [Easily, stand back.]

2. Kill it yourself. You seem capable.

3. Leave

Winnie clicked on choice 1 before her Tav walked over to check the tall grass for the intellect devourer that was actually non-existent. 

Instead a wild boar leapt from the grass and made Tav jump in surprise, giving Astarion the perfect opportunity to strike. He pinned the druid to the ground, pressing a dagger to her neck.

“Shhh…Shhh….Not a sound…Not if you want to keep that darling neck of yours.” The vampire practically purred out.  Winnie blushed, a shiver going down her spine. There was a reason she always found herself choosing the elven vampire as her character’s love interest. Initially when she first got the game she felt he came off as a pompous prick (which he is) but damn he was so fucking seductive. It drove Winnie absolutely mad. Not to mention it helped given he had sweet delicious character development later on in his story and actually could be kind of a sweetheart… To the player at least.  

The romance in this game had to be Winnie’s favorite aspect of it. She was very romantically inexperienced to say the least and this just added to what made the game her perfect escape from reality. It made her feel like someone actually liked her. Winnie prepared to select the next dialogue choice when suddenly she noticed they had changed. 

1. [……….]

2. ………..

3. ……….

4. ……….

She looked up and saw a smirk form on Astarion's lips, his eyes appeared as if he was staring back at Winnie from through the screen. Before she could speak Astarion slit Tav's throat and let them drop onto the ground.

“What. The. Fuck.” The brunette haired female went pale as she stared at her computer screen. Astarion sighed in what sounded like relief?

“Finally, we've done that old song and dance so many times! The novelty has completely worn off.” He stretched out his arms, before wiping his dagger on the ground. “It feels so invigorating to try something new, wouldn't you agree?” 

“Uhh…..What's going on?” Winnie asked aloud. She was shaking a bit in both confusion and a little fear.  Her character was kinda just laying on the ground dead…and Astarion was talking….to her!?

“Oh dear, it seems I've gone and frightened you. Ahaha!” Astarion chuckled before appearing to move closer to the screen, even going so far to place his hand on it…

“Hello darling…”

[anachronistic-falsehood]

every time i get into a new media i end up thinking of a teen beach movie au for it. i never do anything w these aus but there r so fun 2 just play with in my head like barbies <3

[outlawssweetheart]

Jarley in the new Suicide Squad ISEKAI trailer!

[syoish-aot]

the best part of any reader insert isekai involving Levi Ackerman is when reader gets to look him in the eye and say "They haven't even invented the Swiffer WetJet yet, how clean could it be?"

[waitineedaname]

watching the svsss donghua like man this would be so cool if it was good

[princeof-flowers]

"Campfire Cooking in Another World With my Absurd Skill" is a world that Laios would fucking ADORE like he'd wanna be Mukoda so BADDD.

Legendary Wolf Familiar that can talk and loves to eat? Sentient Slime familiar that also learns how to talk?? LITTLE DRAGON FAMILIAR WHO CAN ALSO TALK???

EATING MONSTERS??? Laios would be in HEAVEN.

[sunburstsandmoonshadows]

a bunch of normal people getting jumanji'd/isekai'd into an action movie where they get to live out their 80s ultraviolence fantasies is SUCH a good set-up im so excited

also the story board animations showing off what happens?? what the hell. i love it. i hope it's part of the show and not just for the trailer

[gomzdrawfr]

Oh I miss Royal AU PriceRaven! Will Magpie also appear there in the future? What will happen to Price's Royal Status then? Or will Raven be promoted to queen?

aNON- god man Idk what to say for you to combine two aus together which somehow kicked me into another new au LMFAO

okay so. I made it sad- ((SORRY))

see the initial idea was that yada yada yada Raven somehow has royal blood so they get married and she's the queen and all, but then lately I was leaning towards more like King Price giving up his throne to be with her and live like commoners, perhaps then they'll have Magpie

Now imagine if that doesn't happen, cause well he's a king, it's not going to be easy, so....so if he were to be pushed into a political marriage and then have a kid.

Imagine what Royal Guard!Raven would feel, carrying his child that is not her own

she can't do anything but to accept the reality, and of course, how could she bring herself to loathe or hate a baby, when she bears Price's eyes.

okay pushing away the sad though, imagine if it's funny and Raven just decided to steal Price away anyways-

wHEEZE OKAY BUT THEN YOU TALKED ABOUT QUEEN RAVEN-

and that gave me....some ideas...((oh no))

I had ideas before of....Princess Raven, a veil princess...maybe King!Price visited her land....getting lost in the palace and then stumbled into her, thinking she was a royal servant initially with how modest and dark her clothings was....only to find out she's the Princess of that place and imMEDIATELY folds

"Marry me." "uhm- with all due respect-" "PLEASE" "????"

IMAGINE THE KISS- LIKE- BENEATH THE VEIL- I COULDNT DRAW IT ROMANTICALLY SO JUST HAVE THIS-

[majunju]

Is there any particular reason why you like red hair ml?

BAHAHAAH did u come from my twitter omg i made a tweet ab this like yesterday 😭😭 also no tbh! my two fav manhwa mls just happen to be redheads (aenon from queen cecia's shorts and kaillou from the red knight seeks no reward)

[moe-broey]

Puts Moe in a situation about it

[thechaoticdruid]

This Bites (3)

Recreated in the Sims 4

Fucking Brian leaving his clothes everywhere! WHAT A PRICK!

I mean I could have put a hood on him, but it really didn't look good in the S4.

Yeah, we wanted Becca to make an appearance but unfortunately, she just fucking left.

Imma reblog the second half because idk how many photos I can put before Tumblr has a meltdown.

[skriblee-ksk]

wowow it’s twst 4th anniversary!!! yippee!!!

this key stuff looked so cool so i made one for my twst yuu oc (that i did NOT post yet bc fear) and one for myself (self-indulgence):

it rlly made me remember why i’ve been banned from designing (by whom??? idk)

Time to spill some irrelevant me facts about twst!! I actually got into the game a year ago but then left because i could not. fit it into my interests back then, but then i came back and got obsessed with it. augh. also i ended up really liking jack howl for some reason.

Anyways this is so silly!! I had fun!!

[petrenocka]

I personally don't see a problem with the Minecraft movie trailer

You people all loved the Mario movie so much did you not?

[scrapsovereign]

That One Time I Got Kidnapped By An Evil Vampire Lord Ch. 7

AO3 Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/57838303/chapters/149424046

Summary:

(I mean, this is basically more smut)

Pairings: past Ascended Astarion x Evil male!Tav, past Ascended Astarion x Gale, Ascended Astarion x Original Female Character

Trigger warnings/Tags: NSFW, Somnophilia, Astarion playing with his food, big feelings (including jealousy), Oral Sex, Vaginal Sex, Vampire Bites, Dom Astarion, Possessive Astarion, Morning Sex

Downtown Seattle, Washington  

The Fairmont Olympic Hotel 

Friday, August 25th 

6:45 AM

Warm, gentle hands caressing her thighs and backside rouse Mackenzie from her slumber. Soft lips press kisses to her ears and the nape of her neck, sending chills down her spine. Something hard slots into the space between her legs, sliding between her already slick folds. 

She tilts her hips backwards, her experiment rewarded by a cockhead that nudges at her clit. The length twitches upwards against her sex, as if to ask permission for re-entry. This vaguely reminds her of the start of a dream she had last night, where a terrifying creature of shadow tenderly made love to her in her sleep during the early hours of the morning.

“Please,” a haughty, elegant baritone voice whispers against her skin. “Let me in, darling.” 

She must be dreaming still, because he doesn’t sound like Ari. She feels too good for it to be Ari. Arms with well-defined muscles wrap around her, finely manicured hands knead at her breasts. A rush of slippery fluid resulting from her dream lover’s touch coats the erection that prods at her entrance, creating a lewd squelching noise as he thrusts between her thighs. She’s positive she’s dreaming now. There’s no way she’d be this wet otherwise.

Well, except for Astarion. 

Mackenzie considers the possibility she’s actually awake. The events of the last day overwhelm her in a deluge of heartache as she reviews them. She’d all but caught Ari in the act…again. She had declared an end to the nauseating, crazy-making spiral of being lied to, pleaded with, and threatened. Not on her own, but with the help of the beautiful stranger behind her. 

Pushing into her heat from behind with a stuttering breath, Astarion fills whatever loss she had felt from letting go of Ari. Mackenzie is alarmed by how good he feels inside her, how easily they connect. It’s as if their bodies share a secret their minds have yet to discover.

Astarion sets a pace that she’s convinced is meant to drive her insane, his cock perfectly prodding at that spot he hit last night. Before she knows it, she’s lifting her leg up over his, eagerly rolling her hips back and forth, moaning sinfully at the change in the angle of his thrusts.

“Touch yourself,” Astarion breathes out against the shell of her ear, rolling the buds of her nipples between his fingers. Mac complies, reaching down between her legs to trace circles around her engorged clit. The contact at her erogenous zones makes her cunt clamp and flutter around him, their pleasure building steadily as they rut against each other. 

Moments before she tumbles over the edge into bliss, her phone sounds off with the jarring noise of her wake up alarm.

“Siri! Turnoffalarm!” She shouts, teetering on the brink of pleasure, desperately trying to hold on.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t get that,” the female voice says, interrupting the alarm momentarily before it sounds off again. 

Mackenzie tries again. “Siri! Turn off alarm!”

“I’m sorry. I didn’t understand,” the voice apologizes, the alarm resuming again after a brief respite.

Mac growls in frustration. She can’t climax, not while she’s distracted by the obnoxious noise. She tries to sit up on her elbow, but Astarion firmly holds her in his clutches. 

“Ignore it,” Astarion snaps, wrapping one hand around the column of her throat, the other swatting away her hand over her mound. “Focus on me, my sweet- the sound of my voice, the pleasure you feel.”

Astarion works her throbbing clit masterfully, softly groaning against her shoulder. She tightens around him from his touch and the little noises he makes for her. She’s never had a lover that’s been as attentive or considerate as Astarion, and a part of her wishes that this likely wasn’t just some fling. That she could continue to share his bed longer than a weekend. 

Astarion increases the pace at which he takes her, stroking her clit to the metronome of their flesh slapping together. Mackenzie is so lost in their shared ecstasy she doesn’t notice the dissonance between her phone’s alarm and the noises he draws from her.

“Ah! Want…I want you for more than a night, Mackenzie…want you to be mine…want to spoil you…to ruin you. Pledge yourself to me for eternity, say you’re mine,” Astarion pants against her shoulder. Her channel tightens around him, squeezing his cock as she draws closer to her peak.

“Yes! I’m yours, all yours,” Mac sings wantonly, wishing with all of her heart that it could be true, that he’s more than a bit of fun to cleanse her palette after Ari, that he could be her last.

Astarion growls after she submits to him, biting the pinna of her ear, that sharp object in his mouth almost piercing the cartilage. Mackenzie’s unable to control the volume at which she climaxes for him with a shout, her sex spasming around the impossibly hard cock that plunges in and out of her.

Astarion’s not too far behind. “Ngh! You feel so good, going to give you every last drop,” he grits out aggressively against her ear, prolonging her pleasure with his praise. Mac notices his movements have gone from practiced to sloppy with his impending orgasm, the slapping of his scrotum against her drenched sex quickening. 

“So fucking good, Mackenzie, going to get you pre- Aaaahhh!” A long, loud cry escapes from Astarion, announcing his orgasm. Ecstasy overtakes Mackenzie again as she’s filled to bursting with an obscene amount of his semen. She thought cumming when he came last night was a fluke, but a second day of the same thing is raising some questions. Either she’s had worse than terrible relations with others in the past, or Astarion’s a sex god with a magical penis. 

When Mackenzie’s hearing returns to her, the beautiful sounds of Astarion purring out praises to her softly clash horrendously with her phone’s alarm. Her eyebrow twitches. That bitch Siri isn’t going to continue ruining the best morning sex she’s had in her life. 

“SIRI. TURN. OFF. ALARM.” Mackenzie projects in a clear, neutral voice, her body tensing in anticipation of having to leave Astarion’s side if her phone doesn’t shut up. 

The noise stops. She sighs in relief, melting into his encompassing arms. Astarion’s hand releases from her throat yet he holds her tighter, craning his head over her shoulder to capture his lips in a searing kiss. 

“Good morning, little love,” he murmurs to her, moving on from her lips to pepper kisses along her jaw.

Mackenzie’s stomach flutters at his mention of the L-word. She’s sure he’s using it as a pet name. He doesn’t actually mean it. Besides, even if he did, it isn’t healthy to jump from one relationship to the next. It’s been less than 24 hours before she’d abandoned her five-year relationship and three-year marriage to Ari. Catching feelings for anyone else so soon is a terrible mistake and will only end in getting her heart broken.

Which is what she would tell herself if her time with Astarion didn’t feel like the thrill of speeding down Tiger Mountain on Highway 18, windows down and music thumping on full volume on an early summer’s eve. If his touch didn’t thrill her like that one time the nearly invisible electric fence zapped her over at Amanda’s house. If he didn’t fill her heart with a joy she’d long forgotten with the trauma and drudgery of her daily life.

If lying in bed with him didn’t feel like she was finally home.

“And good morning to you too,” she replies, allowing him to shower her with affection. “I should get up and find that before it repeats itself in a few minutes.”

“Of course, pet, anything your heart desires. However, after you retrieve your device, you are to return to bed as soon as possible,” Astarion directs, a dangerous edge creeping in at the end of his sentence. His front teeth capture her bottom lip, dragging them over it when he pulls away to emphasize his need. “I’m a man of great appetites, and I’m not done feasting on your delicious body.”

Mackenzie whimpers from his eagerness. Her sex clenches over his half-hard cock at the thought of indulging in each other again before she has to get ready for work, rapidly nodding her head in agreement.

She tries to sit up and immediately lies back down from the dizziness that hits her like a freight train. She stays perfectly still with her eyes scrunched shut, willing the room to stop spinning.

“Would you be okay with getting that? I’m sorry to ask, but I think I’m going to pass out if I stand up,” she explains sheepishly.

“But of course, there’s no need for apologies. Can I get you anything else while I’m up, my sweet?” Astarion asks, brushing his hand against her cheek. 

Mackenzie flushes at his offer. Usually she’s the one that dotes on her partner. The rush of blood to her face makes the room spin slower, but her stomach threatens to rebel against her.

“Unless you have anything for a hangover, I think I’m gonna need some food and electrolytes. You could mix up the leftover pineapple juice with some of the soy sauce packets Rob brought from the hospital cafeteria. That might work,” she chatters, too lightheaded to notice Astarion leaving the bedroom.

He returns shortly with her phone, the not-complimentary large bottle of water from the hotel room, and a cocktail that looks like orange juice, but smells like cough syrup. “Here you are, darling. Phone, hair of the dog, and a little hydration to chase it with.”

Mackenzie steels herself for the swirling of the room around her that resumes with her vertical state, evaluating the glass handed to her with a heavy dose of skepticism. She watches the contents shimmer in the faint morning light, considering the following scenarios:

Number one: Astarion could be a serial killer playing the long game to drug her into a stupor before he chops her up and scatters her remains, just like what happened to that one nurse who worked up the hill in 2016. 

Number two: He could be a black hat corporate espionage agent looking to have a little fun, giving her some illicit substance to drug her into a stupor before he does God knows what with her.

And the most ridiculous, number three: He’s actually an evil vampire lord from another realm, plying her with potions for his nefarious purposes.

Mac’s gut is telling her that the liquid is safe and she should just drink it, but she needs her higher reasoning to agree. If he was a serial killer, he’d have to be someone that had profiled her or she already knows, and he’s a perfect stranger. Number two seems like a stretch. She’s fairly certain he knows he could get her to do any number of depraved sexual acts with just a smoothly uttered phrase and the batting of his eyelashes. Number three is just absurd. Vampires aren’t real, and if he was a visitor from another realm, why the hell would he come here?

Finally, and the most important point: drinking the mystery liquid wouldn’t be the worst decision she’s ever made. She married Ari, after all. 

Mackenzie knocks it back and chases it with a series of generous gulps from the bottle of water. 

“Well? How are you feeling now?” Astarion inquires with smug delight, lounging next to her on his side, propped up by his elbow.

Mackenzie blinks. The dizziness is gone, but her vision is off. She pops her green contacts out of her eyes with the hand that wasn’t touching her genitals. She’s stunned she can see without them. Not only that, but she feels like her ADHD meds have kicked in without taking them. Miraculously, her persistent fatigue and discontent have been cured, her usual cloud of morning brain fog has lifted.

“My hangover is completely gone, but it’s weird…I feel…happy? Like I can think clearer? I can see without my eyeballs in, too. What was that stuff you gave me?” She exhales in amazement, the hint of a smile curling up at the side of her mouth. 

“Oh, just a little tincture made by one of my staff,” He dismisses as he grins at her, punctuating his statement with a twirl of his hand. It pauses, and he leans in abruptly to reach up and grasp her chin, angling her face down at him to get a better look at her sapphire blues. 

Astarion gasps softly in delight. “Your natural eye color is gorgeous, just like the rest of you. Why hide them? Are green eyes a preference of Ta-Ari’s?” he corrects himself, clearing his throat as though something had caught in it.

“Yeah, and my natural hair color isn’t blonde. I’m actually a redhead. Need to do my roots soon,” she points at her crown, revealing the dark copper line on her scalp before it turns to ash blonde. 

Astarion sits up to see eye to eye with her, the morning sun filtering through the windows highlighting him in a warm amber gold. 

“You’ll not alter yourself any longer unless it’s what you truly desire. You’re a rare beauty, you know,” he utters to her, caressing her face. Mackenzie’s eyes sting with moisture, refusing to meet his gaze. The compliment about her looks cuts deep. How he sees her goes against the canned definition of beauty that she’s been force-fed since she was a child, and she’s afraid his words are nothing but lies.

“Now that you’re restored to full health, shall we-gah!” Astarion jumps, startled by Mac’s alarm sounding off again.

She utters a hasty apology, turning off her many alarms set to get her out of bed. She sees a text from Amanda and her stomach leaps into her throat- her shift doesn’t start for another hour or so. What manner of shenanigans has occurred this time? Is the power out at the clinic? Was there a pipe burst? Did one of the tech bros at the box of human suffering next door burn the popcorn in the microwave again, effectively closing the clinic until the fire department checks out the building?

No, it’s only Amanda texting to wish her a good time and to pick up some sweet swag for her at PAX. Three little dots form and Amanda quickly adds to let her know she’s free for a drink at the hotel bar next to the clinic after work, just in case Mac needs a break from Ari and his bullshit. 

Mackenzie feels her heart hammer in her ears, texting back with shaky hands that she thought she was going to be working today. She glimpses Astarion’s pointy ears flatten out of the corner of her eye.

Wait, pointy ears? 

Mackenzie does a double take to confirm what she just saw. 

No pointy elf ears here. He has rounded ones, just like she does. Astarion’s a completely normal human male, looking at her in concern, tracing soothing circles on her thigh. “It’s not your dreadful ex, is it?”

Her eyes flick down to see Amanda’s response that she’s got until Tuesday off. Amanda explains the reason her PTO looks like she doesn’t have any time off is because the system auto-deducted (or deductered per Amanda) it when she approved it. Mac types back to thank Amanda for clarifying and that she’s not going to PAX, that she was right about the walk-in from yesterday and she’ll tell her more later.

She receives a text back that says “eyes emoji” repeated over and over again, with a note that says “Sent with Siri” underneath. She smiles at her friend’s attempt at replying with her voice to text while driving. Classic Amanda. 

Mackenzie slides back down into bed next to Astarion. “No, it was my boss. Surprise! I don’t have to go back to work until Wednesday, my dude,” she declares, giving him a quick peck on his lips. 

The meme reference goes over Astarion’s head. He grasps at her waist and pulls her to him effortlessly, chuckling when she yelps at the sudden contact. “I wasn’t going to let you leave so soon anyway, not when I have yet to-”

A series of knocks at the hotel door raps loudly, interrupting Astarion’s monologue to Mac about his wicked plans. Astarion presses his lips together in a flat line with a growl, springing up from the bed. He dons the bathrobe he wore during his conversation with Ari last night with a flourish, disappearing out of sight. Mackenzie hears him utter curt pleasantries with a hotel staff member before he reappears, balancing two plates on one arm and a steaming hot mug of beige liquid in the other. 

Mac’s mouth falls open as she watches him set the items down with the practiced ease of a server who’s worked at a diner for 30 years. 

“I’m agog that breakfast arrived so fast as well. Let’s see what they’ve sent up for us, shall we?” He smiles mischievously, lifting the steel covers of the heated plates. 

Mackenzie’s mouth waters at the plates displaying waffles and berries with syrup and the crab benedict with real crab. She dips her finger in the hollandaise sauce, moaning around her digits as she savors it. “That’s not a powder. They made that from scratch. How could dinner be so awful when this is so good?” She asks rhetorically, ignoring the silverware on the plate to break off a piece of waffle with her fingers. She almost starts sobbing when she chews on it, impulsively breaking off another piece to offer Astarion. 

He leans forward with a smolder in his eyes that sends a zing of pleasure down between her legs. She feels awkward and aroused all at the same time as she feeds him, her actions reminiscent of the smutty fanfic she’s come across on Tumblr late at night when she couldn’t sleep. He sucks her fingers into his mouth and laps at them, a sound coming from his vocal cords that should be illegal to make at breakfast. 

Astarion cuts off a wedge of the benedict with the fork on the plate and dumps it in Mackenzie’s lap. “Oh dear, how clumsy of me,” he drawls, bending down to lick the scattered pieces of egg, crab, and English muffin into his mouth. He spends what Mackenzie considers to be a cruel amount of time cleaning the buttery hollandaise near the apex of her thigh, his nose dangerously close to her throbbing sex. 

“Is this what you meant by being a man of great appetite?” She wonders out loud, her hunger for the meal eclipsed by how her body thrums with want for Astarion. 

He sits up and daintily plucks a ripe blackberry coated in syrup from the plate of waffles. “This? Not specifically. Though now that you bring it up, I have a reputation for playing with my food,” he clarifies before popping the berry between his teeth, leaning forward in an invitation for her to bite off the other half. 

Mac leans forward, too embarrassed to be anything but timid, and too aroused to not play along. Their lips brush together as she bites off the other half of the berry. Astarion waits until she swallows to trace an intentionally slow line up her syrup-covered lips with the tip of his tongue. Mackenzie’s lips part with a shudder, welcoming him in. They explore each other’s mouths languidly, savoring their shared sweet, buttery flavors.

“Delicious…” he moans, reaching over to coat his fingers in syrup and smear a generous amount on her pebbled nipples. Mackenzie gasps as he fastens his lips around the rosy bud, clenching so hard from the impropriety and newness of it all that her hips cant forwards on their own.  

He detaches with a pop, settling back with a playful shimmy on his hands, his flushed cock standing proud, twitching upwards for attention. 

Mackenzie feels her shame evaporate away as she zeros in on his erection, her mouth watering when she sees him twitch under her ravenous gaze. 

She cuts up the rest of the English muffin, never taking her eyes off Astarion. He licks his lips at her and leans back on his elbows, Mackenzie catching a flash of recognition in his half-lidded ruby eyes.

Mackenzie arranges the bits of food in a scattered pattern over his lap. She bends over and takes her time, nibbling and licking the bites off his perfect body, paying him back with equal reverence at all the spots he’s paid special attention to on hers. Mac's heart leaps as he exhales her name, gathering her hair away from her face with one hand to watch her worship him.

Mackenzie shifts to place herself between his legs, her mouth inches away from Astarion’s cock. “May I?” she asks with a wiggle of her hips to ease the aching of her clit.

“Gods yes, darling, please,” he assents, gripping the hair he’d gathered to pull her forward. 

Mac watches him bite his lips as she licks underneath the head of his cock with the flat of her tongue, his eyes pleading with her to keep going. She seals her lips over the sensitive spot, feeling herself clench hard around nothing when he whimpers for her as she batters the frenulum with her tongue. Stopping to lap up the pre-spill that leaks from his slit, she wraps her hand around his cock, greedily squeezing it as she strokes upward to gather more on her tongue. 

Maybe it’s the pineapple juice cocktail from last night, but he tastes pretty damn good. She licks her lips to coat them in saliva, peeking up at Astarion’s face as she closes her lips around the head while her hand twists up the shaft.

“Sweet hells…that sinful little mouth of yours feels so good,” he groans while he arches his back, his hips pushing his erection up for Mackenzie to take him deeper.

She does, lazily swirling her tongue along the bottom of his shaft to pace herself. She feels him on the back of her tongue and swallows around him, smiling when his cock jumps in her mouth. 

Astarion’s staccato cry ripped from his throat makes Mac’s center coil tighter, the evidence of their shared passion dripping down her thighs. He grips her hair tighter, pulling on her scalp. She moans at the pressure, swallowing and nearly gagging when he cants his hips towards her inviting mouth. 

“Gods, you’re better at this than Gale,” he thinks out loud. For a reason she can’t understand, a familiar malice creeps in at the mention of the other person’s name. She pulls her mouth off him, her hand traveling up and down his erection slowly with a firm grip.

“Who’s Gale?” She tries to sound as nonchalant as possible, kissing the underside of his twitching cock to hide the poison that’s bubbling up inside her. 

“It’s complicated, but currently he’s nothing more than a friend,” Astarion says quickly, almost as if he hopes his explanation is enough to earn her mouth around him again. He grows impatient, snapping his hips forward to penetrate between her lips. 

Astarion whines in protest as Mac moves to the side, her hand slick with saliva stroking the shaft that thrusts into the air. 

“A friend with benefits? You’re not seeing anyone right now, are you? I feel like we talked so much about my situation that we didn’t discuss yours,” her voice cracks with her question, trying to punch down the melancholy spreading out from her chest. All this bedroom talk of belonging to Astarion and the suggestion of him having another lover back home has made the klaxons blaring in her head since last night finally audible. 

“Not for the last several months, and no,” he admits softly, touching Mackenzie’s wrist to still the hand that pumps his length. “Do you want to talk about it?”

“Yeah, actually,” Mackenzie replies, feeling her dry eyes flood with tears at his thoughtfulness. Astarion holds his hand out to her, and she takes it, pulling her into his comforting arms.

Mac babbles out an apology like its muscle memory. “I’m sorry, but for some reason I’m feeling jealous? We barely know each other and I don’t have the right to feel this way. I probably should have asked-“ 

Astarion shushes her, kissing her furrowed brow. “We’ll work on breaking you of that over-apologizing habit of yours, but for now? I assure you there’s no one else.”

He tilts her head with his thumb and forefinger with so much tenderness it makes Mac’s heart ache, an errant tear spilling down her cheek. 

“With what you’ve recently been through, it’s understandable your trust is so easily shaken. I struggle with jealousy too, you know,” he smiles with his confession, letting go of her face to brush away another tear that escapes. “You’ll find you’re in good company, darling.”

Astarion’s better than good. He’s the best company Mackenzie feels like she could have right now. She exhales a shuddering sigh of relief and squeezes him tight, burying her face against his shoulder. 

“Thank you,” she starts, her voice muffled. She turns her head to the side and takes in a deep breath. “You’ve been so damn good to me. I keep wondering what’s the catch, but maybe there is none? I just…I haven’t been with a normal person in so long, maybe I’ve forgotten what that’s like.”

Astarion giggles as though she’s told the punchline to a joke.

“Normal isn’t a word anyone’s used before to describe me. How novel.”

“Mackenzie, my treasure- I do hate to change the topic when the subject is myself, but are you going to eat the rest of that confection?” Astarion points over at the abandoned breakfast food with a manicured finger.

Mackenzie shakes her head. “Nah, it’s all yours.”

Astarion smiles at her, a playful sparkle in his ruby eyes giving her pause. Mackenzie rolls on her back, watching as Astarion takes the plate of waffles…and dumps it on top of her torso. His eyes stay trained on her as he lets the last of the syrup drizzle between her legs, tossing the plate away from the bed with a flick of his wrist. 

He crawls over her, caging her in between his arms. 

“Good, because I’m very, very hungry.”