#is that not like. the implication here. that the one hes meant to destroy is the mirror worlds in general and/or sang yi in specific

[astranauticus]

ive had this thought trapped in my brain for like a week by now i just cannot fucking think of a way to word it properly but like is it just me or does yi sang's fell bullet ego have really strong selfcest implications if you like. think about it

[changbunnies]

Crave (18+)

♡ Pairing: Romantic Lust Demon!Hyunjin x Plus Size Human Fem!Reader

♡ Genre: supernatural au, demon au, demon/human relationship, age gap relationship typical in fics of this genre, despite the immoral demonic behavior this is intended to be a lot more soft and romantic than the warnings will make it sound lmao

♡ Word Count: 21.9k

♡ Summary: "The more a thing is perfect, the more it feels pleasure and pain." – Dante Alighieri, The Divine Comedy. In which Hyunjin, a demon from the nine circles of hell, finds himself impossibly infatuated with the very human he once set upon himself to destroy.

♡ Warnings: discussions about religion from the perspective of a demon, themes of sexual purity in the context of religion, a lot of immoral behavior and thoughts + ideas from hyunjin (such as snooping, infiltration, and manipulation), references to death / dying, use of supernatural abilities, themes of possesiveness and jealousy, the seven deadly sins are brought up multiple times, hyun is thousands of years old so take that as you will lol, reader's age is not specified but is implied to be at least mid to late 20s, hell's structure is based off dante alighieri's depiction of it in the divine comedy but knowledge of it isn't necessary to enjoy this fic!

♡ Smut Warnings: multiple smut scenes + references to sex outside of smut scenes, masturbation, noncon voyeurism, porn watching, sex with hyun in both his human and demon form, wine drinking (but neither reader or hyunjin gets drunk), pet names (my love, lovely, baby, gendered language such as "good girl"), dom/sub dynamics with switch implications, pleasure dom hyunjin, kink exploration and establishing limits + safe words, traffic light system - reader uses "yellow" once, lots of kissing (per my standard), some nipple play, oral (m + f receiving), fingering (f receiving), biting / marking, choking, dacryphilia, slight overstim, multiple orgasms, improper use of a tail :) take that as you will :), size kink, unprotected piv, creampie

♡ Notes: this is a reupload + edit of an old fic so if you start to read and get deja vu, that's why lol originally, this was a series posted in several parts but for cohesion i'm reuploading it all together in one post! i also fixed up various parts i felt i could've written better, so it should be a better reading experience this time! and if this is ur first time seeing this story, i hope you enjoy it! <3

♡ Disclaimer: please read responsibly, and remember that this work is fiction and meant strictly for imaginative fun. the idols used in fics are more accurately faceclaims and personality outlines for imaginary characters, and should not be interpreted as factual representations of existing people.

There are many things in this world, the world of humans, that even a monster such as Hyunjin was born to desire. A primal want, weaved into the very fabric of his being, designed to be etched into his soul– if he had one, that is.

That is what initially brought him here; the heart of one of the world's most populated cities, his territory an otherwise unoccupied luxury suite in one of the many skyrises that line the bustling streets.

It was an ideal place to be; there wasn't much in the way of furniture, given that it's a new development with no human occupants, but the amenities it held were sleek and pristine. High windows that overlooked the entirety of the city rife with sin from what was nearly the top floor, marble countertops that screamed sophistication and elegance, and well equipped with security of both the physical and digital kind to keep out those who may want to chase the thrill of wandering where they do not belong.

Hyunjin, who could simply float about wherever he wished, had no need for human things like beds or sofas. The fact that it lied barren and empty was no deterrent– in fact, it was better that way.

In this space, he already had everything he needed– an ideal vantage point, isolation from the world until he himself chose to interact with it, and easy access to the myriad of damned soul that walked the streets beneath him. It was perfect, and it was his– until you showed up.

Hyunjin was no stranger to dealing with potential renters overtaking his territory– it was only natural for those with wealth to be ready to spend a fortune on the newest availble luxury apartment that catches their eye.

While Hyunjin had never once been seen; he was certainly known; rumors abound of an evil presence in suite 13, that left even non-believers fleeing in terror, leaving as quickly as they came. "Evil" felt a bit extreme of a description from Hyunjin's perspective, but what would humans truly understand of him? 

He always felt as if his actions were completely justified; after all, why should a being with immense power such as him bend to the will of a measely human whose life was akin to a grain of sand in the desert of immortality that was his own lifespan?

Regardless of his justifications and thoughts on what is evil and what isn't, he welcomed the fear humans have towards him– it made his life easier if they feared him and stayed far from his domain. 

And yet here you were, seemingly ignorant of the fearful reputation this apartment held (not that he expected that the building's landlord would have informed you of it, of course– their only goal is money, at the end of the day.)

Hyunjin didn't care for the rules of humans– whether or not you'd supplied the necessary money to purchase your way here or were deserving of it made no difference to him. It was his until he decided otherwise, and you were trespassing on his territory by being here.

When he'd first arrived back after a long outing back in his home within the second circle of the nine hells, only to see you filling his space with your things, walking about the apartment as if you owned it, blissfully unaware of his presence– it was infuriating. 

He had half a mind to scare you out right then, forever scar you by showing you his true form, send you running as he'd done to countless before you who tried to be here. But no, that wouldn't be enough. It would be letting you off too easily for his liking; this was different than scaring off someone who might intrude on his home– you already had.

What he wanted was more than his territory back– he wanted to make you suffer the most egregious torment one could ever endure for intruding on it, something far worse and much harsher than whatever a demon below his stature could muster.

You deserved worse than that of mild terror, or to be able to flee from his space without repercussions for your transgression. No, he would only take back what was his after he'd turned your mind into a den of paranoia and hysteria. You needed to know true terror, true loss, true suffering, by his hand.

So he settled for observing you– it would be a longer process, one that could easily take months to reach true fruition, but the reward would be well worth his patience. He watched carefully, intently, his presence always concealed but unmistakably there. You would feel it sometimes, unbeknownst to yourself.

A sudden chill up your spine, the subtle feeling of being watched making you turn your head, only to be met with nothing unusual in your line of sight. Funny, how humans were so attuned to the supernatural while simultaneously being so oblivious to their reality.

Your routines became committed to his memory, your every step and every action becoming increasingly familiar to him. Boring at times, but necessary if he wanted to learn the ins and outs of what makes you you, taking in every detail and memorizing them fully, so that when the day comes for him to turn your life into a miserable tragedy, forming you into a shell of who you once were, you'd have to beg him for forgiveness, for his mercy.

What were your fears? He'd easily make them reality. What did you hate? He'd make sure you suffered it. What broke your heart? He'd subject you to that pain over and over, until your heart was left shattered into a million, microscopic pieces.

And it was only then, when you were mentally destroyed, the lowest you could ever possibly be and unrecognizable in your despair, that he'd appear before you, triumphant as he made you apologize for ever having stepped foot in his domain.

But as he observed you, he came to realize something strange- something he had never once found himself thinking about a human before. You were so... good, the closest to perfection a human could ever possibly be. And not perfect by the bullshit puritan standards set by the "heavenly creator," because you were as touched by sin as any human is, but perfect to him specifically.

Your sins were few and far between, with only one making a substantial impact on your purity; but it was the most important, most delicious sin of them all, the one that made Hyunjin's body seethe with delectable desire.

You weren't envious, nor greedy or gluttonous; you lived in a luxurious penthouse suite, that was true, but greed to have the best of everything isn't what brought you here. The pride you felt for your accomplishments didn't go anywhere near sinful levels– you were proud of yourself, but not in such a way that you looked down on others while you sat atop your high horse.

You weren't slothful, brought to your current position by your own hard work and tireless efforts, and you weren't wrathful either, your emotions toward your fellow man always sweet, compassionate, and gracious. That only left one sin– just one that impacted your soul, that barred you from reaching true, godly purity.

Lust.

It wasn't an unhealthy amount of lust by any means, but any at all is enough to damn an unmarried woman's soul if she gives in to the temptation– an unfair ruling that has cost many their rightful place in paradise. And you certainly did give in to your temptation, and that is what made you perfect to him.

You had none of the avarice of other humans, none of the undesirable qualities that made them foolish and arrogant and insufferable to deal with, instead held closely by one desire, the most important desire.

Was it a coincidence, he wondered? That he, a demon born of lust himself, found one such human that seemed to adhere perfectly to what he enjoys most?

Hyunjin often felt himself above that of the sins his brothers were born to pursue. Violence did not suit him, emotions such as greed, pride, and jealousy often went beyond his comprehension. And not because he was some lowly, ignorant creature who was only capable of thinking with his dick, but because those feelings simply never came to him to begin with.

What was there to be jealous of? If he wanted something, he could have it, he could take it, as simple as that. Was he prideful? Sure, one could say he was, say that he has an ego, but he would argue that there was a clear difference between the arrogance that often comes with pride, and simply having confidence in one's own abilities and joy in their accomplishments.

He knew he could feel other emotions, indulge in other sins, if his brothers' conquests and actions were any tell, but he simply.. didn't. Lust was all he knew, was all that he enjoyed, but at the same time, he wasn't some low level demon who was consumed by lust.

No, he could control it quite easily if he wished, was more than capable of waiting for the most ideal moment to finally savor in the addictive dance two bodies can share. (Or more than two bodies, should one prefer that.)

Lust was all he ever knew, but unlike the sex-starved beasts he ruled over and observed in his circle within hell, he was very much in control of himself. Make no mistake, it never went away, he always felt the gnawing craving for more and more and more– but it never addled his mind. That was the perk of being a demon with a higher consciousness than that of say.. an imp. He had complete control of his compulsions and desires. 

It was this control over himself that led to Hyunjin savoring the lust that poured from human souls in only the most ideal conditions. There were many different kinds of lust, each with their own "taste" so to speak, and while Hyunjin found them all enjoyable to at least some degree, there was one in particular that was the most intoxicating to him, one that never failed to light a fire within him, the one that was always, always, worth waiting for.

The lust between two lovers, whose care for eachother was true, and good, and special– such as you would see from couples sleeping together for the first time, full to the brim with nervous excitement. Or maybe from long-time lovers reigniting their spark with a romantic night spent together after a warm, candlelit date.

Especially delectable was the sweet consummation after making an eternal promise under God to be together forever, in sickness and in health, 'til death do you part. Those are just a few examples of the sort of lust that gave Hyunjin the best, sweetest taste.

The irony of being an immoral entity who gained the most enjoyment out of love and romance wasn't lost on him, but his preferences weren't built on some misconceived notion that he could aspire to feel those things himself. Yes, Hyunjin knew he would never feel the human emotion that was love, but he could understand, at least on a superficial level, why it tasted so sweet, and why humans seemed to fight for that feeling above all else.

Perhaps he existed to be a hypocrite, sowing seeds of chaos and turmoil while valuing true love, contradicting that which humans believed they knew about demons of lust such as himself. After all, was it not the very nature of a demon to confuse, contradict, and twist the human condition?

And was it not utterly against his being to indulge in a feeling that was considered sacred by God? It didn't matter either way; if there was one thing that Hyunjin knew for certain, it was that sweet tastes were the best, and it didn't matter where it originated from or how– he just knew he liked it.

And oh, how his proverbial heart jolted when he sensed it on you the first time he saw you touching yourself. It was a surprise when, after a long day of unpacking and arranging furniture, you let your hand travel sinfully between your legs with a heady sigh– and far be it from Hyunjin to deny himself the opportunity to feed on a human's lust when it's practically being delivered to him on a silver platter.

You hadn't been touching yourself for long, barely got your panties down your legs when he tasted it– subtle, but familiar enough to Hyunjin that he could recognize it anywhere. It was hard to explain the sweet taste in human terms– there were really no words that could come close to describing it, as the "flavor" itself didn't exist within human understanding.

Suffice it to say, it was something entirely unique to his kind, and something any demon would be able to distinguish with ease should they be in close enough proximity. It was unmistakable– you loved someone. That was information that could serve him well, something that he should be delighted to know he could ruin you with. And yet, for the first time in all his thousands of years, the feeling of lustful love left a bitter taste on his tongue.

You were in love.. And you envisioned that person while your fingers were buried between your legs, as you bit your lip and made your eyes roll to the back of your skull.

Who was it? Why did you love them? Were they even deserving of someone as perfect as you? Did they deserve to touch you? To feel you? Hyunjin grit his teeth, fists clenching into tight balls as an unfamiliar feeling began to permeate through the entirety of his being.

Is this.. what envy feels like? A rage beyond comprehension at the thought of someone else having you when it should be him?

He should be the one you desired to have touching you, the one you imagined marking your unmarred skin, the one who made you cry out and tremble with even the simplest of touches. Would they even indulge in the sweet taste you radiate like he would? Would they even understand what perfection it is you offer simply by being? 

His, you should be his, only his, his, his.

The realization hit Hyunjin like cold water over hot skin– he wants you. And not just for one night, not superficially, not with needing to part ways afterwards. He wants you to love him, wants the feeling of love-drenched lust that radiates off you to be because of him, wants you to belong to him and him alone.

You don't know him yet, but you will. And he'll make sure you're left wanting him, and only him, by any means necessary. Because it's what he wants, and he always gets what he wants.

Hyunjin wants to say it's simple curiosity that leads him to carefully steal your phone off your nightstand once you've fallen asleep, or that he's acting with the desire to know how to ruin the target of his ire more succinctly, but that simply isn't true.

No, he is scrounging through your phone not with the intent to learn your greatest fears and hates, nor does he scour your messages to discover your darkest secrets. It's a different purpose that has led him here, an unfamiliar ache that drives him to search your phone for something more.

In hindsight, going through your phone to learn about you is a simple, easy act he could've, should've, done already, but he's a bit of a traditionalist in that regard. (Or maybe he just doesn't want to admit how much he's liked watching you these past few weeks.)

Who is that you love? And why? It would've been easier for him to find out had you truly let yourself go, allowed yourself to be loud and moan their name to your heart's content, but you hadn't. And maybe that was a good thing, as hearing someone else's name leave your lips in such a moment would've definitely sent him into a dangerous hate spiral, but that also meant he was left with nothing to go on as a clue.

He was much too stunned, and then seething with anger and jealousy, to read your thoughts in the moment, and if he tried to do so now, while you were sleeping, all he would do is catch a glimpse of your dreams– not helpful in the slightest, unless you happen to be dreaming of the object of your desire. (Which you weren't. He already looked.)

Unlocking your phone is easy, as he's seen you put in your password several times over at this point. Unfortunately for him however, (and fortunate for the one undeserving of Hyunjin's wrath,) he finds nothing that makes the object of your affection explicitly obvious. Your texts with friends all use the same tone, you talk about mundane things like what movies are coming out or how you wish you could go on a vacation for a while.

Your photo gallery is relatively small, filled mostly by screenshots of things you wish to remember or keep for a laugh, and the occasional selfie. There's nothing that screams "this is the person i'm in love with!" no matter where in your phone he looks, and if it wasn't for how intensely he felt the emotion radiating from you as your fingers sped up and release built, he'd think he must have imagined it.

What interesting this he does find, however, are the differen't porn links littered through your incognito tabs, all that paint a very vivid picture of what you find most appealing– or in more vulgar terms, what gets your pussy really fucking wet.

He skims through your collection of favorites and private bookmarks, and quickly comes to realize they all hold a similar theme– love, romance, and doms who are soft even when being rough with the sub's body, or speaking condescending words.

Various videos and audio files, with titles such as "roommate gets railed after confessing her secret feelings," "pov: boy next door accidentally confesses and then fucks you passionately," and "soft dom makes his good girl cum hard: boyfriend asmr." There's even an entire erotic movie, much to Hyunjin's surprise, with a 2 hour run time and dedicated plot in your recent bookmarks.

He decides to watch it, for research purposes of course– what better way to get to know the object of his desire than by watching the porn she consumes for himself? It's rather generic as far as ideas go– childhood best friends confessing their love before going away to college, with sweet, sensual but desperate fucking and a promise they'll be in love no matter the distance put between them. A cliché plot, by human media standards. 

However, he has to give it due props– it's obviously not an amateur production. It's acted well, has better cinematography than one might expect for a film produced by a porn studio, and the dialogue never crosses into cringe, overtly fake territory.

Despite it all, something about it feels real, as if he'd taken a genuine glimpse into the lives of two young people in love, rather than a manufactured video meant to make the people who watch it unbearably horny.

Hyunjin continued through your collection after that, eager to see what other gems lied in your favorites, waiting to be watched by him. They're all the same fundamentally speaking, your preferences and biases easily shining through with each video watched and audio listened to.

Emotionally charged, romantic confessions, sweet "i love you"s, soft, caring doms who take good care of the submissive one, making them feel desired, beautiful, and secure. The person you're in love with, the one who lingers in your mind when you watch these videos and your hand travels between your legs– this is what you want them to do.

You want them to love you passionately, to make you fall apart in the sweetest of ways, to take care of you so well that your thoughts can linger on nothing but the way they make you feel. You want them to sweetly tell you they love you while they fuck you, to speak filthy words in your ears in a soft, saccharine voice as they make you cum. To fuck you dumb, to ruin you, and then expertly put you back together with a tender touch. 

Carefully, he puts your phone back in its place, looking at you once he's done, still sound asleep in your bed and without a clue in the world that there's a demon standing before you, close enough to touch. You've lived with Hyunjin for weeks now, but you don't know who he is, don't know that he's there, don't know that you have unexpectedly become the reason for a demon's strange and new complex emotions. Isn't it funny? How a demon as powerful as him has become infatuated with you despite you not even knowing he exists.

It's illogical to desire you, truly. Humans are fickle, subject to corruption and irrationality, their lives impossibly short. What one man works his entire life to obtain, Hyunjin can have in mere moments with a fraction of the effort.

To a being that has lived thousands of years, the life of a human happens in a mere blink. You grow old, you get sick, you die, your accomplishments fade to nothing, forgotten as the next wave of humans walk the earth in your stead. You're beneath him, he's better than you, and yet..

Why does he still crave you so? Maybe he's no better than the humans he's looked down upon, considering them lesser for their innate hypocrisies and irrational actions– because Hyunjin is about to do just the same.

His feelings for you are hypocritical, irrational, foolish, but also the most real thing he's ever felt. And if it's romance you want, that will make you fall head over heels for him, then he'll be the most romantic demon the nine hells have ever known.

How do you make a human fall in love? A question that is perhaps simple in theory, but Hyunjin hasn't wooed a human in centuries, and much has changed since he last blended in with society.

In the modern age of technology, sin is at the most rampant it's ever been. The common man can access all manner of sin from the palm of his hand with a single device, and it has made the act of integrating into human society an unnecessary practice for demons. 

There's a plethora of human sin to feed from at any given moment, and obsolete is the need for a demon to blend in with the humans that walk the earth, no longer required to be a snake in the community garden just waiting for their moment to strike and consume.

Though an outdated method to obtain their wants, integration with humans can still be done, if only the demon in question wishes to do so– and as Hyunjin has come to realize, he does if he wants to win over the object of his desire. 

Despite how long it's been since Hyunjin walked among them, he wasn't ignorant of modern human culture; he still had to be well-informed if he wanted to be effective and efficient in sowing the seeds of sin in feeble minds, after all– his work in the second circle required such knowledge, and it was also a benefit when it came to deciding which soul he would drink from to sustain himself. 

He knew perfectly well how to use most modern technology, knew how to dress in a manner that was unique to his own tastes but suited the trends of the era. Whatever "pop culture" knowledge he lacked, as it was called by humans, he could blame it on things such as "preferring to stay off social media," or "not watching much tv or playing much games." Most would take it as a fair, reasonable enough excuse, even if the person asking questions of him could not relate to his answer. 

In the last century especially, most of Hyunjin's public outings were limited to a few hours at most, spending that entire time scoping out who'd satiate his cravings the most. Nightclubs in particular were an easy place for Hyunjin to get a quick fix of the lust he needed, sustaining him well enough when his preferred love-drenched lust was still being built to its peak. 

Despite all his experience in human matters, there was something that posed a problem for him initially. Since moving into your lavish suite, you worked from home– a luxury Hyunjin assumes you have from a high ranking position within whatever company you work for (especially if this is the kind of place you can afford to live in on a single salary.)

But if you only ever left the house long enough to run errands, how was he supposed to meet you organically? And further still, how does he meet you in such a way that makes contact with you consistent, that makes you want to talk with him and be in his presence? 

He could, theoretically, stage a meeting, pretend to be a neighbor entering the building at the same time or "accidentally" bump into you while shopping for something he has absolutely no use for, only to then charm you the moment your eyes lock with his.

The problem with that approach is that charming you defeats the purpose of what he wants; for you to have genuine, real love for him, and only him. And asking you out after meeting you just once, in a situation where you have no reason to connect with him further, could be uncomfortable or off-putting in the eyes of women. What woman likes to be hit on by a stranger while she's grocery shopping? 

Hyunjin's human form is attractive, sure, but looks can only carry him so far when it comes to making a woman fall for him. His appearance is useful for one night stands, but he needs to show you more substance than that if he wants you to desire him beyond the physical– and he was sure based on his observations of your character that you weren't vain or superficial enough to fall for him based on looks alone. 

Thankfully, he didn't have to ponder on these questions for much longer, because only a few short days after you finished all your unpacking and decorated your apartment to your liking, you returned to work.

He could tell easily enough what your destination was when your routine suddenly deviated; for the first time since moving in, you had turned on a repeating alarm for 6 a.m, and your choice of business casual clothing and subtle, office appropriate makeup told him all he needed to know. 

Hyunjin followed you there, naturally; presence hidden, lingering in the shadows with the intent to best establish how to infiltrate your work environment. As he suspected, you held a high ranking position inside a corporate office– head of human resources for one of the many subsidiaries of some conglomerate Hyunjin had never heard of, as typically there is no need or reason for him to be well versed in human's business dealings. 

Becoming someone you work with directly would be the best route, he was sure. Whether on equal ground or as someone answering to you on a team, it was the option that gave him the most opportunity to create a connection with you, and maybe be the start of one of those sappy office romances that humans seem to enjoy in their media. 

It was fine if there were no employment openings– it'd be simple for Hyunjin to create one by exerting his influence over a human's mind. He'd pick out whomever you liked the least, someone who bothered you either overtly or simply by being an inefficient worker, and he'd take their place. He could plant the idea of a career change, a desire to move across the country, or simply sabotage their work and get them fired should the gentler, subtle approach be deemed too time consuming for Hyunjin's taste. 

Of course, Hyunjin knew jack fucking shit about how your job truly works or what would be required of him if he was on your team, but that was fine too– it would be easy for him to fake his performance when necessary, and charm any who questioned his work abilities.

He wouldn't enjoy lying to you directly if there was ever a need for it but, well.. The ends justify the means, don't they? And while he wouldn't charm you for love, certainly it wouldn't hurt to do so to make him appear a better worker than what he would be in reality, right? 

No matter what his hypocritical justifications were, he’d do anything necessary to make you his, even if it meant having to lie at times. It was a foreign feeling, having a guilty conscience– after all, lying is as innate to a demon as breathing is to humans.

He supposed his infatuation for you is what makes lying begin to feel different. Is that why truth was considered a godly virtue? It was the first time in his life that just the thought of lying, before it could even be an act done in the first place, felt.. wrong.

Maybe because on some subconscious level he recognized that love woven from lies isn’t true, no matter how much he’d wish it to be. Even if you fell sincerely in love with him, would it still satisfy him to have gotten there based on tricks and lies?

When he determined that the answer to that question was a firm “no,” he vowed he would do his best to keep lies far from his lips when it came to you, even if that made his goal more difficult to achieve. Strange, how this was easily the most human he’d ever felt. 

In a way, it is almost natural to feel this way, to be met with internal conflict for the first time in ages; most demons are born directly from human sin, after all. What is he, if not the physical manifestation of a human who has fallen from perfection?

More powerful than a mere human though he was, his proverbial soul still held an innate inclination towards sin, still struggled with the temptation and decadence inherent to his very being. Hypocrisy and corruption went hand in hand with sin, hand in hand with the very human condition he would oft wrongfully deny he felt.

And that wasn’t the only human emotion that came to him when he watched you at work for the first time. Most of the morning was spent rather uneventfully, Hyunjin’s time dedicated entirely to scoping out the environment and determining where he’d best fit within your corporate world.

He observed the people on your team, who was designated where and what their duties were, keeping track of what feelings and opinions you had for whom, looking out for who he would be able to effectively replace.

Without warning, he sensed it, felt it, tasted it– love, seeping out of your pores, heart suddenly alight and a smile that should be reserved for him lingering on your lips. Jealousy pricked Hyunjin’s skin before he could even fully process the scene before him, a deep fondness in your eyes as a man that Hyunjin could only assume was from another department approached you with a smile of his own.

Shit. It was expected that he would find out who you loved eventually, but he didn’t anticipate that it would be here, in the very environment he was setting up to be the stage for your romance with him.

The man asked you questions and talked in ways you’d expect to hear between friends and coworkers– “how’d the move go?”, “are you settling in well?”, and “you should invite me over sometime!”

It was the last statement that made Hyunjin’s eye twitch with suppressed anger, not much liking the idea of the person you’re in love with being alone with you in your apartment. Every time you giggled at something he said or blushed when the man held your gaze, it nearly made him sick with envy.

Fuck him, he didn’t deserve you, Hyunjin thought, I'm better than him in every conceivable way, that should be me.

This man didn’t love you the way you loved him; Hyunjin could tell, could feel the platonic affection that radiated from him. And instead of being happy about the implication that Hyunjin would have no rival for your affection when he pursued you in earnest, it almost made him more pissed off.

This guy didn’t even know how fucking perfect you were, didn’t seem to notice the way your eyes sparkled with affection, how your heart raced when he hugged you, or the bashful smile that lingered when he invited you to share your lunch hour with him.

He’s a complete fucking idiot for not being head over hells for you– you, who’s only sin is lust, who is beautiful, intelligent, humble, and positively radiant in presence without even realizing just how much value she truly has.

It’s okay, he has to remind himself, it’s a good thing his one-sided rival doesn’t share your sentiment; because when Hyunjin shows you how beautiful you are, treats you with the reverence you deserve, your heart would surely shift to beat for him instead. He’ll make sure of it.

You let out a sigh as you comb through the next resume that found its way to your desk, exhausted from the amount of interviews you've conducted today. This was probably your least favorite aspect of your job if you were being honest; being the head of human resources put you in charge of all recruiting efforts, scanning through countless applications to determine who was the best fit for the company, but you never enjoyed doing it. 

It always makes you feel guilty to determine someone else's worth based on a flimsy piece of paper and interview first impressions, where nerves are almost always at their peak as the person sitting across from you makes their best conscious effort to impress you. It is also not a job you can delegate to someone else on your team, unfortunately; your place at the top of the HR department made all hiring decisions entirely up to your own discretion.

And apart from the guilt of knowing you couldn't hire everyone that walked through your door, it was so tiring to go over the same questions multiple times a day with a myriad of strangers. 

Hwang Hyunjin was the name of the last person you'd be interviewing today (much to your relief) and you hoped he'd be the person to wow you in the end, as you have lukewarm feelings to who you've met thus far.

Despite the impressive credentials on most resumes you reviewed, none of the people you'd met seemed to be a good long term fit for the company; some of them would likely only be good as temps, needing to be let go unless they showed substantial improvement in the areas they were lacking in. 

It was a terrible thing to judge someone based on whether or not they were able to calm their nerves or had enough charisma, but when working for corporate conglomerates you can't afford to be meek. It was okay to be shy and reserved in your personal life, many people in the office were, but for the sake of professionalism you're required to have the ability to put meek tendencies aside.

If the interviewee couldn't speak with confidence, then you had reason to believe they'd crack under the daily pressures of speaking with representatives of other departments or when handling sensitive negotiations. Unfortunately, you don't typically have the luxury of giving applicants the benefit of the doubt or the ability to give them the opportunity to change your first impression of them.

You take a glance at the clock hanging above the door to your office, opposite of your desk; it's just a few short minutes until you meet your last applicant, and you pray he'll be the person you've been looking for. Despite how desperate you are to fill the hole in your team after Mina's extremely abrupt resignation and move out of the country, you still don't want to desperately hire someone just to fill the gap she left- you want someone capable and confident on your team. 

You take one last passing glance at the man's resume, making sure you're familiar with his education and work history, not wanting to be mistaken on any of the details listed. A short succession of knocks are heard on your door a few moments later, and you look up from the resume you're rereading to see Nayeon opening the door just enough for her head to come into view.

"M-Ma'am, H-Hwang Hyunjin, uh- he's here for his interview," she speaks in a timid voice, face flushed the brightest pink you'd ever seen on her. Your brows furrow ever so slightly in wonder and concern at her out of character demeanor; Nayeon is among the most confident and well spoken employees on your team, and you've never known her to stutter or appear so off kilter.

"..Right, send him in," you say after a moment, wondering if her attitude shift is due to the stranger you'd be meeting shortly; if that is the case, you'll have to talk to her about it once the interview is over– you wouldn't want to hire someone the people on your team are uncomfortable around. 

She nods and opens the door further, the silhouette of the taller man coming into view just slightly behind her. "Right in here," she mutters, stepping to the side and motioning for Hyunjin to enter your office. It becomes immediately apparent what the reason for Nayeon's abnormal behavior is; Hwang Hyunjin is easily one of the most beautiful men you've ever seen in your entire life. 

Black hair that just begins to touch his shoulders tucked neatly behind his ears, a few strands left untouched to frame his face, accompanied by wide circle glasses that seem to further enhance his beauty. He's dressed well, his suit modern and sleek but not overly formal for the setting, his accessories tasteful and understated, as they should be in an office environment– just a simple, long chain necklace and small, almost dainty hoops on his pierced ears. 

The reason why a man this gorgeous would even be applying to work here when he could easily make a fortune being a model is beyond you.

You're quick to correct the initial surprise on your face, hoping that the man you'll be interviewing didn't notice how struck by his beauty you were when he stepped in. And how could you even know that he did notice you had a reaction to him– and not because of any overtly obvious expression of attraction, but because he could hear the beating of your heart with his inhuman ears, its steady rhythm taking a sudden, erratic jump the very moment he first stepped through the door. 

Nayeon is quick to close the door behind Hyunjin once he has stepped fully inside your office, leaving you in privacy for what will likely be the most difficult interview you have ever conducted– and not for the reasons you would've otherwise expected.

"Have a seat," you speak clearly, as if your heart wasn't stuttering just mere moments ago, motioning for Hyunjin to take one of the chairs sitting opposite of your desk. "Pleasure to meet you, Hyunjin," you say after he's taken a seat, politely holding out your hand to shake his.

"Likewise, ma'am. I'm grateful to be considered for this position," he responds with a smile so effortlessly charming that you have to once again remind yourself that this is a professional setting and you shouldn't be thinking about how handsome the potential new addition to your team is.

If you were a worse woman with lesser morals, you'd hire him on appearance alone– his flawless skin, plush, soft, almost inviting lips, and the little mole that sits daintily under his left eye are all positively bewitching to look at. 

You collect yourself after a brief mental scolding, deciding to get straight into the most pertinent questions you have once he's settled in his seat, opting to waste no time in getting straight to the point. While this approach does make the interview more tense for the applicant, you find it best to go about it this way to make sure they're truly ready for the sort of discussions that will be expected of them should they get hired.

You don't expect perfection, but more accurately determination– if they can maintain a confident air about them under pressure, that's typically a good indicator to you they'll be a good fit for your team. Equally, you don't mind if they stumble over their words a few times throughout the course of the interview as long as they show the ability to bounce back from any slip ups.

Error is expected at some point, as we are all human– you just want to assess their ability to come back from a mistake when speaking, and to see if they are able to maintain their composure in situations that may not be the most ideal or comfortable. 

The ease at which Hyunjin answers your questions has you convinced that he's perfect. 

He speaks confidently, coming across as self-assured and charismatic, not at all stuttering or faltering when you ask him to speak candidly with his own words. You appreciate a well rehearsed answer of course, but you like to ascertain whether or not the person you're considering for the job is able to maintain confidence when not using an internal script or reciting their memorized resume. 

Some struggle to do so, losing confidence in themselves the moment they are expected to go off the cuff, while others find it to be a trick question of sorts, as if you're baiting them to say a flaw that would place them out of consideration for the position they're applying for.

What you value most on your team is adaptability– it's okay to falter for a brief moment, as long as they are able to collect themselves quickly and continue where they left off. And Hyunjin's ability to do just that is utterly astounding. 

He has an almost effortless sort of confidence and charisma about him; something unique and special that you don't often see, a state of being that isn't learned, but rather is innate to who he is. Even when he briefly pauses or lets out a small "hmm" as he thinks about his answer to your question, it never feels like he's struggling to find his answer– more accurately, it seems that he already knows what his answer is, and is just pondering on the best way to phrase it before speaking. 

It seemed that even his unrehearsed, unfiltered answers were nearly perfect, his ability to speak leaving you almost in awe. Truly, in the year and a half it's been since you were promoted to head of human resources, you'd never conducted an interview where the person you were speaking to seemed this effortlessly natural and comfortable in what is otherwise a tense situation.

Honestly, you'd be a fool not to hire him right on the spot– his ability speaks for itself, and you're confident that any weaknesses he has can be corrected quickly and easily with more experience in the work environment. 

So you congratulate him, smiling as you once again hold out your hand and welcome him as part of your team. And Hyunjin smiles too as he takes your hand in his, knowing that this is just the start of what is his grand plan to make you his.

In the months it’s been since you first hired Hyunjin, he’s come to learn so much more about you than he did just lingering around in your apartment, and with that has come an even deeper appreciation and desire to have you.

Your good nature, which he knew you had from little interactions at shops and cafes, was now able to be fully seen by him– from the way you cared about your team, treated them like equals despite the fact that you were their superior in rank, and how you encouraged and fostered true friendships between everyone on your team. 

You held so much sincere care for everyone around you, and you lead with compassion and kindness at the forefront. If someone was sick, having an off day due to mental health, or simply felt the pressures of life weighing them down, you always met them with compassion. You encouraged them to get better, and never made them feel bad about themselves for any small slip ups that occurred while they were struggling with something. 

Of course, in this line of work it’s vital that they show up always ready to do their utmost best and show others the best versions of themselves, but you weren’t some militant manager that expected people to always be at 100%.

It’s unrealistic, and hypocritical to expect perfection, so instead you always did your best to accommodate them when they were low, and that consideration resulted in your coworkers and employees having a great deal of respect for you; it was easy to see why your team always put in their best effort at work. 

By extension, your care for your team resulted in equal care towards you, and it seemed they greatly missed you when you were absent due to your move. They had fine enough leadership while you were gone, sure, but it wasn’t the same without you– the one who made them feel comfortable, secure, and made them want to perform well at their jobs.

What Hyunjin felt watching you was something akin to pride– and it was strange, as he had never felt pride for someone else before. He hardly ever even felt it for himself.

He just liked seeing you succeed, if he had to guess; he liked knowing the woman he desired was not only beautiful in body but also in soul, just as he suspected her to be when he first came to put aside his anger and truly know her for who she is.

What a happy accident it was, that he happened to be gone when you finalized your move to suite 13; because otherwise how would he ever have known what it was like to care about someone other than himself? To understand what it is that makes a human God’s greatest creation? 

He gets it now, he thinks– why God prioritized humanity, why he loves them despite how flawed and drenched with sin they are. And again, it occurs to Hyunjin how hypocritical he was before, and continues to be even now, how foolish it is for him, the very embodiment of sin, a being who is supposed to uphold depravity and ruin, to be infatuated with you, who is the very image of benevolence.

Hyunjin got to see so many new sides of you, sides that didn’t make themselves known within the 4 walls of your apartment, sides that made him fall for you more and more. A demon can’t experience love the way a human does, but he thinks this is the closest to love a creature like him will ever have.

Obsession, longing, desire.. Isn’t that all a manifestation of love? Perhaps one does not need a true heart and soul to experience what love is; maybe all that one really requires is feeling. 

Most sins are a feeling- lust, pride, envy; all are an emotion you feel strongly within your gut, a natural reaction that cannot be prevented from pricking your skin or making your stomach twist. It’s innate, woven into the DNA of every creature with higher understanding.

With all that in mind, who is to say a demon can’t love? Maybe it won’t be felt in the same way a human feels it, but if love is a feeling, and sins are a feeling, then what truly prevents him from knowing love? 

As equally as he learned about you and himself, he also learned about the man you had developed feelings for– Yunho. According to Nayeon, who was apparently a wealth of information when it came to the subject, you met Yunho in college and have been friends with him since. You grew quite close in your time studying the same major, and as fate would have it, you both ended up working for the same conglomerate after college. 

While you ended up here, promoted to head of the department when the opening became available, Yunho worked for a different subsidiary within the same building; so while you technically worked for different companies, you shared the same CEO, and had ample opportunity to meet and talk during the company lunch hour and maintain the friendship you had in college. 

Well, he imagines you would’ve still been friends with Yunho regardless of where the two of you ended up in life after graduation. But still continuing to see him daily certainly didn’t help you get over the college crush you had on the man.

And you had tried to move on– you’re not stupid, you know Yunho doesn’t feel the same way as you. But your relationships never worked out as you’d hoped, and you’d always be left at relationships end still battling your unrequited love for your best friend. 

Though you are always professional, it was obvious, at least to the other women in the office, that you had deep feelings for Yunho. They could always tell in the way your face changed when he was near, displaying a timid smile that only ever showed up for him, the flush on your face subtle but recognizable to those who knew you well.  

And by extension, it became increasingly obvious to the rest of the office that Hyunjin was down bad for you, and hated seeing you with Yunho. His face too always changed when Yunho arrived, would be positively seething with jealousy, always failing to mask the frown of disapproval when Yunho stepped into your office to talk and invite you out for lunch outside the building. 

And Hyunjin went above and beyond to be a gentleman when it came to you– holding open doors for you when walking somewhere together, carrying stacks upon stacks of heavy paperwork so you wouldn’t have to do it, memorizing the way you liked your coffee so he could get it for you and you could focus instead on your work.

The only time Hyunjin ever wasn’t smiling, it was when you were giving your affection to Yunho. It was painfully obvious how bad he wanted you; if he was trying to keep his feelings a secret, well.. He failed spectacularly to do so at every turn.

Everyone in the office could tell how he felt, and while they would never admit it, most were just waiting for the day he’d ask you out, as it seemed to be more and more inevitable that he would. Some who had been your coworkers since long before you were even promoted, and knew of your unrequited feelings, hoped that Hyunjin could be the person to finally give you the happiness you deserve. 

Even you yourself began to suspect that Hyunjin liked you as more than a friend or coworker, because why else would he go so out of his way for you? Why else would his face change whenever he saw Yunho?

You can still remember the way his smile dropped when Yunho stepped into the room when you were having lunch with your team, how Hyunjin subtly clenched his teeth and tightened his fists, how he’d practically glare at the man before replacing his expression with the most forced smile you’d ever seen him have for the sake of professionalism. 

Were you being delusional? To say Hyunjin is fucking gorgeous is an understatement– he’s practically ethereal. And while you wanted to move on from your stupid school girl crush on Yunho that continued to grip you all these years later, wasn’t it too much to fantasize about Hyunjin being the person to finally make you happy?

He could have anyone, and you couldn’t understand why he’d want you of all people when he could easily bag someone more impressive than you. You did well for yourself, but you didn’t consider yourself particularly desirable..

Maybe years of unrequited love and failed relationships made your confidence tank more than you realized; at least when it came to love and romance.

And while there were other couples in the office, you worried it’d be unprofessional of you to date someone who you are technically the boss of.. Shouldn’t you be more concerned about the power dynamic instead of worrying about whether or not you were desirable enough for Hyunjin to want you? 

God, you really needed to get your priorities straight before you did something stupid; and certainly you were just reading too far into things. But still, while your feelings for Yunho didn’t go away, you still couldn’t deny that your heart would race whenever Hyunjin smiled at you, couldn’t ignore how goosebumps would erupt on your skin when his hand lingered on yours as he handed you a perfectly made cup of coffee, couldn’t help but linger on the the thought of what a perfect lover he must be.

As if sensing you were thinking of him, you hear a knock on your door, breaking you out of your thoughts and met with the sight of Hyunjin cracking open the door. “May I?” he asks, and you smile politely with a nod, motioning for him to enter your office.

“Hey Hyunjin, what’s up? Need something?” you ask and he shakes his head, sitting on the chair in front of you.

“Nothing work related, though I do want to ask you something,” he replies, and immediately your mind wanders to delusional territory again, though you quickly try to shut it down. 

“What is it?” you ask, trying your best not to fill your brain with the thought of Hyunjin making a move on you. Be professional for God’s sake.

“I was wondering,” he starts, looking at you with that charming smile that is so natural to him, and that you always have to stop yourself from folding over at the sight of, “If you don’t have any prior obligations today, would you like to have lunch with me?” 

Oh no. He’s adding fuel to your delusional fire. “Just us?” you ask, trying to mask your hope, or the way your heart is picking up speed. You really want to be chill about the invite, but you really can’t help but hope the invitation means something more. He’s perfect, how could you not? You’re only human, after all. Isn’t it natural to want someone this fucking beautiful to want you? 

“Yes, just us. You don’t have to consider it a date, but.. I would be happy if you did,” he smiles, head tilting to the side in an almost playful display, and your heart jolts.

He’s not just playing with you, right? He wouldn’t, would he? But you have to ask, “You make it sound as if you want me to consider it a date. Are you saying you like me?” 

“That’s exactly what I’m saying, ma’am,” he replies without hesitation, confidence fully on display. It’s as if the possibility of you saying “no” has never crossed his mind. You’d probably be confident too if you looked anything like him; you don’t imagine he’s been rejected often.

And well, you certainly won’t be the person to hit him with his first rejection either; you’ll have to ask a third party to handle the necessary paperwork if things go well between you and Hyunjin, as the head of the department can’t approve and oversee her own consensual relationship agreement, but it’ll be worth it, you think. 

After all, if someone this beautiful and seemingly perfect wants you, why deny yourself the opportunity? Even if it doesn’t work out, maybe he’ll be the person to finally help you get over your stupid crush on your best friend that’s been going nowhere for years.

Apart from his beauty, he’s always been chivalrous and attentive towards you, a true gentleman in every sense of the word. And even if it's only for a brief time, you think he can make you feel happy, desired, truly cared for.

You’re about to tell him you’d love to, when your door unexpectedly clicks open, your eyes moving past Hyunjin to see Yunho standing in the doorway. Hyunjin immediately scowls, having half a mind to rip him apart once the day is over, though he does his best to temper his aggravation.

He can’t let himself lose face in front of the one he loves after all; he’s not sure you’d still be up for a date with him if he displayed his jealous, possessive tendencies this early on (not that he did a very good job of hiding them to begin with.)

“Shit, sorry- am I interrupting a meeting?” Yunho asks, and Hyunjin rolls his eyes, turning his gaze back to you instead.

“No, nothing like that,” you answer, shifting your gaze back to Hyunjin, who for the first time looks concerned that you’ll turn him down. It’s subtle, but his eyes are softer, nearly pleading, though he tries his best to not display the desperation that lies underneath- the desperation for you to affirm that you like him too, that you want to go on a date with him, that you want to give him a chance. 

“Oh, good,” Yunho sighs in relief; he knows that sometimes your work bleeds over into the lunch hour, and he'd have hated to interrupt something important. He glances at Hyunjin next, a slight frown forming on his face.

He’s never spoken to the guy, but Yunho would have to be blind to not notice that Hyunjin hates him for seemingly no reason. “Well, uh– I’ll let you get back to whatever talk you’re having. I’ll see you for lunch when it's over?” Yunho asks, and you can see Hyunjin swallow, hands tensing as he waits for your reply. 

Please don’t reject me, his body practically screams, and you almost can’t believe that the confident Hyunjin you know is looking this nervous over potential rejection because of you. 

“Thanks, but I’m actually having lunch with Hyunjin today. Maybe next time?” you answer, smiling at Hyunjin to reassure him that yes, you are going on a date. No, you won’t be picking Yunho over him, despite the history that lies there.  

Relief instantly spreads through Hyunjin, and he returns your smile, his confidence returning in a blink, as if it’d never left in the first place.

“Oh,” Yunho blinks in surprise; that’s.. unexpected. You’ve never prioritized someone else over him before. Huh. He feels.. strange. Jealous..? No, that can’t be right. Why would he be jealous? Hyunjin stands, offering his hand to you, which you accept before you stand yourself. 

“Are you ready, ma’am? I know this cafe you’ll just love, but we have to hurry if we wan’t to make it back before the hour is over,” Hyunjin smiles, turning away to face the door, and subsequently, an almost bewildered looking Yunho.

You miss the way Hyunjin shoots your best friend a smug, almost triumphant smirk; a smirk that says I’ve won, she’s mine. And even as Yunho watches the pair of you walk towards the elevator, hears you tell Hyunjin he can call you by your name when it’s “just the two of us,” suddenly he feels incredibly stupid. 

Even as he’s left standing there, watching the elevator doors close with just the two of you inside, he can feel his gut twist as Hyunjin shoots him one last smirk, one that affirms something Yunho is just now realizing– there was a reason Hyunjin hated him. All this time, Yunho was a rival for love, and he just lost the race without ever having actually participated. 

He scoffs, laughing at himself in near disbelief. What an idiot he’s been, and what a moment to realize it. He knew you had a crush on him, but what did he expect? That you’ll always be there, just waiting for the day he’d finally miraculously return your feelings after all these years?

Of course you’d move on eventually; and maybe Yunho didn’t want to admit he found your infatuation with him to be a comfortable ego boost, now hit with the epiphany that his newfound jealousy over the loss of your affection is ugly and twisted. 

And truly, Hyunjin had him beat. Somehow, he knew that this was the end of your feelings for him. How ironic it is to lose due to his own complacency, his expectation that you’d always be there no matter what relationships you found yourselves in.

How arrogant and selfish he’d been, assured that no matter whom he slept with or pursued, you’d be there just waiting for the day he’d finally ask you out. But now Hyunjin has you, and he’s certain he’ll never let you go.

Dating Hwang Hyunjin is like a fairytale you thought only existed in the imaginations of young girls that had not yet experienced the disappointment of reality. You imagined he'd be a perfect lover, but you truly hadn't anticipated just how accurate your interpretation of him would end up being. 

He took you on more dates than you could count on your fingers– to museums and exhibits, to restaurants you'd never find on your own with delicious menus. He took you on picnics with the scenic views of the city, of nature, or the setting sun, staying until stars hung in the sky and your only illumination was the vibrant moon shining on just the two of you.

You learned that he was a reader of classic literature, with an impressive knowledge of romantic poetry and novellas, often able to recite the most beautiful lines you'd ever heard straight from his own memory. When he took you to museums, you learned more from Hyunjin himself than the tour guide, and truly it seemed like he was an encyclopedia for all things creative, classic, and romantic in nature.

He was multilingual, which you knew from his resume, but to actually hear him recite something in latin with ease was something else entirely. It was if it came naturally to him, like it wasn't technically a dead language, and you almost couldn't believe it was just an extra class he took in college for fun.

He endlessly impressed you– with his beauty, his intelligence, his attentiveness, his.. everything, really. And he never let you feel inferior to him, always assured you how happy he was that you were his girlfriend beyond just taking you out on dates throughout the city.

He bought you many, many gifts– clothes that always fit you perfectly, that not only suited your tastes but that he thought you'd look beautiful in. Sweet treats, often your favorites but other times just slightly outside your usual comfort zone– just enough to get you to try something new to fall in love with the taste of. 

Stuffed teddy bears or other cute animals meant to remind you of him, jewelry that was sometimes dainty and meant to be office appropriate (in which he'd have the brightest smile seeing you come into work wearing it) and other times lavish, extravagant pieces that somehow were always stunning without being tacky or garish.

If he brought you a necklace or bracelet before a date, he'd help you put it on, smiling when it fit you perfectly and complimented your skin tone, always touching you softly and showering you with compliments.

And while acts of service were clearly a huge love language of his, it wasn't like Hyunjin just showered you with gifts and fun dates and expected that to be enough (which would be valid if it was enough for some people, but you want more than that! You value emotional connection!) He always made time for you outside of the office or promised dates, coming to your apartment anytime you asked just to spend time with you. 

He always listened to you so attentively, genuinely interested in things you liked, and listened to your input when it came to what to do for you next date. He listened to your thoughts and ideas, let you vent if you were having a hard day, hugged you sweetly if you needed reassurance or were feeling stressed.

He'd spend hours on the couch with you watching movies if that's what you wanted to do that day, and he always paid undivided attention to you or what you were doing together, never pulling out his phone or mentally checking out even once. 

Everyday with Hyunjin feels like it's Valentine's Day– and honestly you can't even imagine what he'll do when an actual romantic holiday or your anniversary rolls around when he's already so perfect to you. Even months into your relationship he still holds open doors for you, still carries anything that seems even the slightest bit heavy, still dotes on you as if he still has to prove he's a gentleman (when you clearly already know he is.) 

You honestly can't express enough how perfect Hyunjin is, and how much you appreciate the relationship you now have, but.. well, if you're being honest there is one problem. Nothing major, of course, just.. You think you're going to explode if he doesn't fuck you soon, or at least touch you somewhere less than polite.

The first time he kissed you was at the end of your third date; you were certain things were going well, felt those infamous sparks other people talk about- like every cell in your body was gunpowder and it had just been ignited. You became addicted to kissing him after that, always seeking out his plush, soft and perfect lips, even if it was just for a quick peck to satiate you until later. 

You made out for the first time just under a month ago, and that spark turned into a full on blaze, hot and raging and dangerously close to burning out of control. You wanted him so bad, more than you ever imagined you'd want someone; it was almost sad to say your past relationships and attractions paled in comparison to how Hyunjin ignited your deeply hidden passionate side. 

Still, Hyunjin hadn't touched you intimately yet, and while you suspected it's because he's a gentleman waiting for the right sign or explicit, worded permission, you were going crazy inside. You don't know if you even have it in you to make the first move, truthfully; you feel almost.. intimidated?

Whenever you think about it, your mind always travels to how effortlessly beautiful he is, and despite how much he shows you that he wants you as his girlfriend, you are admittedly still struggling with thoughts of your own desirability.

It almost makes you feel ashamed despite how natural a feeling it is. You know you should be confident, but it's not something that just comes to you just because you know objectively you're worthy; knowing it and feeling it are different things entirely.

You wish you could just pull it together with a snap of your fingers; like c'mon Y/N, you're a beautiful woman who holds an impressive leadership position, who graduated with high honors and has more than enough to show for it! Why wouldn't Hyunjin want you? You're a catch! 

You sigh, setting down the knife you were using to cut the veggies for tonight's dinner with Hyunjin, closing your eyes to collect yourself for a moment. Isn't it a bit pathetic for you to be reduced to insecurity over past rejections and unrequited love when what you have now is such a fairytale?

You wish it'd just go away, so you can tell Hyunjin to fuck you until you're dumb and have no thoughts left in your head but his cock filling you up, but- 

You jump slightly when you feel Hyunjin's arms wrap around you from behind, and he chuckles a bit, apologizing for startling you; you were so wrapped up in your thoughts you didn't even notice him rise from the sofa when he heard you sigh and put down the knife.

"What's bothering you, my love?" he asks, his chest pressing firmly against your back as he kisses the top of your head, "You seem so tense tonight.. Is dinner giving you a hard time?" 

Your heart always picks up when he uses that affectionate term for you; you're not sure if your relationship could already be classified as "love" when you've only been together a few months, but you love the way it sounds falling from his lips all the same. "No, it's not that.." you frown a bit, not melting into his embrace the way you usually do. 

"Feeling stressed out again?" he inquired next, his hands moving up to your shoulders to feel for any tension and massage it away if it exists. You hum in confirmation, finally melting against his body when his hands rub soothing circles in your tender skin, just deep enough to relieve some of the built up tension without leaving you sore and achy.

"Stressed, and.." you pause a moment, biting your lip as you consider if you'll really continue and admit what it is you really need.

"And?" Hyunjin's voice comes out in a soft question, clearly wanting to know what it is you want to say but with no intention to force it out of you.

"S-Stressed, and.. frustrated." you finally acquiesce after a short-lived internal fight with your nerves. You're not even entirely sure he'll get the implication behind you saying it in the way you did, if he'll recognize your need for a physical touch beyond what you've felt with him so far but you hope he does, because you're not sure you're capable of just coming straight out and saying "please fuck me before I lose my mind." 

Hyunjin is the next one to hum, his tone relaying understanding. Goosebumps erupt on your skin when he leans his head down to kiss your shoulder and neck, his hands traveling from your shoulder to rub down your arms.

"Why don't I finish dinner, hmm? Have you relax in the bath while I take care of everything," his voice is soft, almost a whisper, his hands finding your waist and rubbing carefully over the area before moving down to your hips.

"It'll be finished by the time you're done, we'll have a little wine," he continues, his lips now touching the shell of your ear, his voice reaching you directly, "And after that.. I'll take care of you. In any way you want me to."

A kiss pressed to your skin, a shiver running down your spine as you suck in a breath– he definitely got the message. His right hand reaches up to your face, fingers finding their place on your left cheek, guiding you to twist your face to meet his gaze from behind you.

He leans down to kiss you like this, one hand holding your face where he wants it and the other squeezing the meat of your hip. Hyunjin holds the kiss for several seconds, making sure it lingers and tingles on your skin when he pulls away, already expertly planting the seeds of desire and anticipation within your gut.

"How's that sound, lovely?" he asks and you blink for a moment, your brain already feeling like it's going to melt out of your ears from how eager and desperate for more intimacy you are. 

You nod, almost dumbly, and he smiles, planting a quick peck to your forehead before he helps you prepare for a bath. He runs the water hot, wanting warmth to linger for as long as you'll need it to once you're settled and used to the temperature.

While he takes care of the bath, you spend your time picking out what you'll wear afterwards. You swallow as you rummage through your drawers, possibilities seemingly endless. 

You've never been in a situation like this– a situation where you knew with absolute certainty that you'd be getting your pussy wet by the end. Your sexual encounters were never preplanned, not even with your past boyfriends.

It was always spur of the moment, especially since you were too college-then-career focused to spend time on dating apps looking for hookups. Honestly, it was kind of exhilarating; and suddenly you felt like you understood what the appeal of knowing you were going to get laid by the end of the night was. 

And Hyunjin, well.. he promised himself he wouldn't fuck you until he was sure without a shadow of a doubt that you were head over heels in love with him and only him, because it was that kind of first time with you he was seeking.

But that didn't mean he couldn't have fun with you in the meantime, did it? And how could he say no when he could literally fucking taste the desperation on you? He'd be a good boyfriend to you, and give you whatever he could within his limits, because you're his perfect girl, and he'll always spoil you in any way he can. 

After the tub is full, Hyunjin leaves the bathroom, smiling at you when he sees you standing in the hallway patiently, towel and a change of clothes in hand.

"Take your time, lovely," he pecks your head again as he passes by, ready to tackle finishing dinner while you soak in the tub. You texted him instructions just in case before you left your bedroom with your clothes and towel, so you're confident that it'll turn out well without your guidance– and besides, Hyunjin cooks well anyways; you're sure it'd turn out delicious even if he didn't follow your instructions. 

Your soak in the tub is spent entirely on thoughts of Hyunjin's hands and lips on your body, wondering what he'll do and how. You wonder how much of the heat on your body is from the water, and how much is from your own mental images of him between your legs.

Thankfully, the water actually does manage to loosen up your tense muscles (despite your anticipation doing you no favors), and you do just as Hyunjin instructed; you take your time. Dinner won't be done any faster just because you hurry, after all, so why not soak and destress and indulge in your little fantasies?

You dry off thoroughly when you step out of the tub, pulling on your prettiest pair of white panties and a silky slip nightgown- a cream color with lace accents on the hems. You brought a cardigan too, just for warmth while you eat dinner, though you don't bother to button it up at all the way, leaving the upper most buttons undone so Hyunjin can have a clear view of your chest while you share dinner.

It's a bit bold of you to purposely display your cleavage, but what's the harm in enticing him further? You know he wants you as his partner, but seeming him want you physically too would be everything.

The nightgown is tight enough to hug your curves, which means it also clearly displays your stomach, but.. Well, Hyunjin isn't blind, you're certain he knows that the woman he's dating has a chubbier physique than other women in the office.

But he wanted you out of all of them, and he's spent so much time calling you beautiful and giving you the world, that you imagine he either likes bigger girls, or at the very least doesn't let weight dictate someone's appeal. So, you're not self conscious in the slightest– at least, not about that.

You still have nerves, but you think that's natural when you're dating, and plan to have sex with, someone attractive enough to have people falling at his feet for a chance to be with him. 

When you step out of the bathroom and into the kitchen, Hyunjin is just finishing plating the food and is pouring the wine into two glasses he pulled out from your cabinets, already familiar with where you typically keep them.

"Feeling better?" he asks with a soft smile when he notices your presence, and you don't miss the way his eyes drop to your chest, a glint of something flashing in his eyes before he looks back to your face– desire for your body, you hope.

You sit across from each other at your dinner table, having the quietest dinner the two of you have ever shared– though the tension being built is far from uncomfortable. His eyes linger right where you wanted them to, tempting him, teasing him, and you're buzzing with anticipation, almost giddy whenever his eyes meet your again as he sips from his wine. 

Your face is dusted pink all the way to your ears, but you'd blame it on the wine if he asked (though you suspect he'd know better than to believe that.) Hyunjin downs the last of his wine in one gulp when he's finished eating, and you do the same, wiping your mouth carefully with a napkin before you look at him again. He's standing now, gathering the dishes from the table and bringing them to the kitchen. 

You follow, intending to help him wash and put them away, but he tuts at you. "Baby, you're supposed to be relaxing and letting me do the work! Go get comfortable and wait for me, hmm?" He instructs and you can't help but smile, doing as he instructs after you thank him, quickly making the trip to your bedroom. 

However, the nerves hit you again once you're in your room, and you sit on the edge of your bed, fiddling with your hands as you think about what you should do next. Just lay down and get comfortable as you would if you were going to bed? Should you present yourself to him? Get into some enticing position he won't be able to resist? Stay right where you are now and let him lead you wherever he wants you?

You've never experienced so much build up before– you almost feel like the inexperienced girl you were in college again. God, you don't know what to do with yourself and you're definitely overthinking it– but you can't help it! Hyunjin is just so.. well, he's Hyunjin. And that alone is enough to send your nerves into overdrive as your mind races with the possibilities of what's to come. 

You hear him chuckle softly when he's in the doorway, looking at you who is very clearly shy, twiddling your thumbs as you wait for him. It took everything in Hyunjin to not say "fuck this" over dinner and just take you on the table, the lust pouring off you enough to make him lose control if he was a lesser demon.

And now, he can hear the thumping of your heart louder than ever, can smell the arousal pooling in your underwear even more clearly than he could over your meal. 

"Silly girl," he says with a near grin as he steps fully inside your room, meeting you right where you are at the edge of the bed, "Why didn't you get comfortable? Sweet thing, you're nervous, aren't you?"

He carefully nudges your legs so he can stand between them, and you swallow as you nod and look up at him, not sure how much more of the anticipation you can handle before you snap and just drag him to you in a fervor. 

One of his hands comes to your cheek again, rubbing gentle, soothing circles with his thumb as he leans down to kiss you. He does it slowly, the combination of his soft lips and the taste of wine that still lingers on them making your stomach flip. It doesn't take long for him to introduce his tongue, in the same manner he always does– rubbing over your lips before pushing past them.

You're always left panting, lips stained red by the time he pulls away, and tonight his kisses leave you especially dizzy with need. "Take care of those buttons," he instructs in a near plea as his fingers ghost over your neck in their downward descent, "or I might just pop them off when I pull this off you." Your breath hitches, though you're not sure if it's more from the words or the feeling of his fingers lingering on your neck. 

Hyunjin seems to notice that you like his fingers there, the way he notices everything when it comes to you, and he has to stop himself from smirking as he asks you about it. "My love- do you like being choked?"

You almost groan in embarrassment, not expecting him to have already noticed and asked about it. How are you so fucking transparent to him already? "I-I mean.. I'm curious. I've never done it, because.."

Well, it's probably best you don't get into an ex-boyfriend talk right when you finally have the possibility of Hyunjin fucking you into next week right in the palm of your hands.

"Uhm– it just never happened. But it looks nice. Really nice. I, uh– I think I'd like it," you say; certainly true, but without going into detail about how you always seemed to struggled to trust your boyfriends enough to release control and let them do it.

It's natural that giving control to someone else is hard for you; you've always been very independent, and your career puts you in a position where you are leading others, always in control of everything. But you like the idea of giving control to someone else in the bedroom, letting them take the lead and decide on how you'll receive the pleasure you crave– the real problem lied with finding someone you trust enough to truly let go with.

You think you can trust Hyunjin– he's been so, so perfect since the day you met him. You firmly believe he sees you for who you are beyond your physical attributes, that he values you beyond the superficial, and that he'd never hurt you (unless you asked him to, of course.)

Hyunjin naturally feels all this, can read every emotion that pours off of you– and the fact that you have trust that he'll treat you right positively elates him, knowing he’s one step closer to the love he craves so badly. 

"We can try, see if you like it," he says, soft and careful, "and it doesn't have to be now. We can always wait until later." His fingers now rub over your neck purposefully, never wrapping around but simply familiarizing your skin with the feeling of them there.

"Either way, we won't start with that. We need to build up to it first, don't you agree?" he asks and you hum with a nod- building up to it certainly sounds better than jumping straight into unfamiliar territory.

Carefully, and slowly, he lowers himself to his knees, still between your legs, now making it so he's the one looking up at you. "Even if we try it and you decide you don't like it, I'm so happy you trust me," he says before he kisses you once more, all his passion and affection behind the soft touch of his lips. "Do you already know what to do if you don't like it?"

You nod again, having become well familiarized with different safe words and systems you can put in place in your research on the topic when you first found out you might be into the rougher side of intimacy. Hyunjin tuts his time, displeased by the fact that you nodded instead of verbally answering him. "I need you to tell me what you know."

He already knows how much you know of course; his look through your phone painted him a vivid picture of your sexual intrests– but you need to say it to him regardless. And despite the tone he used, his eyes are still soft, and you can tell he genuinely cares about your safety and comfort, aiding more in the trust you feel.

"Sorry, I– I know what to do. Uh, traffic lights..?" you suggest, preferring that over coming up with a random safeword that you may not even remember if the time comes to use it. Hyunjin smiles again, whispering a soft "that's good" to you before he kisses you again, making sure all your nerves melt away now that the key elements are established. This is supposed to be fun and enjoyable above all else– nothing else matters but that. 

"Now, be a good girl and take care of those buttons like I asked you to, lovely," Hyunjin instructs in a gentle tone after he pulls away from your lips. With another shiver, you quickly do as you're told, fumbling with the buttons just slightly in your rush to get them all undone. You probably should've been more graceful about it- purposeful, maybe even sexy, but honestly you were acting before even fully considering how you'd appear. 

With the buttons undone, Hyunjin pulls the cardigan down your shoulders, and you pull your arms out of the sleeves. You pay no attention to where it gets discarded, Hyunjin's lips back on your much too distracting to care about something so trivial.

"Gonna take care of you now," he whispers against your lips, his fingers coming to bottom of your nightgown, where the hem squeezes against your parted thighs, "use your words if I do something you don't like."

You tell him you will, and he smiles again, rewarding you with one last sweet kiss to your lips before his lips trail your neck instead, his hands pushing your nightgown up your thighs until your panties are completely exposed.

One thing Hyunjin is confident of from his time looking over your porn history, it's that you love biting– and while he's unsure if it's just a fantasy you have that has remained unfilled in reality, similar to choking, he's decided it's the first step he's going to take in gently finding your limit and what boundaries you want to set between fantasy and reality.

Carefully, after his kisses to your skin have become familiar, he presses his teeth to the sensitive skin, and you gasp before he even has the chance to actually bite down. To Hyunjin's absolute delight, you tilt your head to the side to expose more of your neck to him, giving him all the permission he needs to sink his teeth into your soft, unmarred skin. You let out an involuntary squeak at first, the unfamiliar sensation sending a pool of heat to your gut– the act always seemed so hot, and now you knew for sure you loved it. 

It wasn't just the physical feeling of it you loved though– you loved the idea of your lover's marks remaining on your skin for days, leaving behind evidence that someone touched your body and brought you bliss. And while you'd certainly cover the marks with makeup for work, the knowledge that you and Hyunjin would share, that they are there just below the surface your concealer has created, would be exhilarating.

His hands leave your thighs, finding the straps of your nightgown and pulling them down, until your breasts are exposed for him to see. Pulling away from your neck, he admires you– the way your skin blooms with fresh bruises and impressions of his teeth, your nipples hard and begging to be played with, and your pretty white panties stained with arousal. You can see the lust in his eyes as he looks you over, and it makes you bite your lip in anticipation for what he'll do next. 

"I've told you so many times you're beautiful, haven't I?" he asks as he takes your heavy breasts into his hands, though you can tell it's rhetorical– he's not expecting a real response from you. Instead, he continues to speak as his hands squeeze and thumbs rub over your nipples. "But I haven't told you how fucking sexy you are yet, isn't that right? You're so alluring, it drives me crazy sometimes. Did you know that?" 

You can't help but let out a soft whine as you shake your head, completely clueless to the fact that you ever made him as crazy with need as he made you. You hoped you did plenty of times, but you really didn't know until now just how much he was holding back from having his hands all over you. His hands move to your hips next, fingers slipping into the band of your panties. 

You lift your hips from the bed, letting Hyunjin pull the soaked fabric down your thighs and then your legs, tossing them quickly aside. You hold the bed for additional support as he spreads your thighs further apart, sucking in a nervous breath when he looks directly at your dripping heat.

The fact that he's on his knees for you is already enough to have your heart feeling like it's going to beat out of your chest, but when he starts planting sensual, open-mouthed kisses to your thighs, mixed with carefully placed bites, you're done for.

Your thighs twitch with each kiss, jolt with each bite, your nails digging into your bed sheets before he's even at where you want him most. And God, when he finally kisses your pussy, you feel so worked up that you could cum just from that simple stimulation alone. When his tongue meets you it feels like heaven, your head falling back and an almost embarrassingly loud moan tumbling from your lips. 

Hyunjin starts licking you up slowly, almost teasingly, and you can't even complain; because even though you still want more, it's already so good. It's when he's done with his teasing and really gets going that you're left truly breathless– he pulls you closer to his face, to the point your ass is practically hanging off the bed, but he throws your legs over his shoulders, using his hands to hold you in place, right where he wants you against his mouth. 

Your whole body is trembling from the pleasure, and this position makes it so that your hips can't move unless he lets them. Even as you unconsciously twist and jolt from the pleasure, you're always firmly in place, unable to escape his tongue even if you wanted to. You cum almost embarrassingly fast like this, barely able to warn Hyunjin you're close before you're crying out in absolute bliss, eyes rolling to the back of your head. 

You expect Hyunjin to set you down as you catch your breath, but that's the exact opposite of what happens; against all your expectations, he keeps going, his tongue sliding over and around your sensitive clit, drawing out your orgasm until the pleasure mixes with tingles of painful overstimulation. You stutter out a curse, loud whines and begs leaving you in a nearly unintelligible jumble– though you're not entirely sure if you're begging for him to stop or keep going.

His hands carefully move from your hips to squeeze the meat of your ass as he continues holding you where he wants you, tears pricking the corners of your eyes from the unrelenting onslaught of pleasure. You're certain you're going to receive a noise complaint from your neighbors, unable to control your volume as another, more intense orgasm rocks your body. The tears lingering in the corners of your eyes fall as you cum once again, and you can hear and feel Hyunjin groaning against you, evidently taking just as much pleasure in this as you are. 

He's careful as he moves your trembling legs off his shoulders, helping you to fully rest your weight back on the bed. When he stands, he helps you get your head to the pillows before he's laying next to you, your sensitive body jolting once again when this time his fingers rub between your slick folds.

"How're you feeling, my love?" he asks, wanting to make sure he's not overwhelming you too much. You're definitely overwhelmed, but in the best way possible, and you stutter out a shaky "green," to which Hyunjin smiles.

"What a good, perfect girl you are," he praises you, pressing lingering kisses to tear-streaked cheeks, "My sweet thing, you're all for me, aren't you? A good girl just for me?"

You nod quickly, brain fuzzy with the desire to be anything he wants you to be. "'m a good girl, all for you Hyun, only you."

You have no idea how much those words affect him– and you're sure if your brain wasn't so foggy from the pleasure, you'd have noticed how he had to clench his teeth and take a breath to stop himself from pulling his cock out and fucking you into the mattress right that moment.

Patience, restraint, it's not the right time, he has to desperately remind himself.

Even as his fingers slide inside your heat and hug him tightly, he has to make a conscious effort not to lose himself in the thought of what you'd feel like hugging his cock instead. In all his years of lust, he's never been this close to losing control of himself; but fuck, he's never wanted someone as bad as he wants you, and you're so slick and warm and tight, it takes all he has to ignore the desperate throbbing of his cock. 

Hyunjin finds your spot within seconds, and your eyes are rolling back, fists once again straining and tugging against the sheets. He adds a third finger when you seem ready for it, pumping at a steady pace before he's curling his fingers into your spot again. He's at your neck again now, his teeth making contact with your skin just as they had before while his fingers continue their motion between your legs. 

When he bites this time, it feels different– rather than the dull pain and ache his teeth brought before, this feels more.. sharp? You let out a loud gasp as the sudden sharp feeling buries further into your neck, as if Hyunjin is a vampire digging his fangs into your skin.

Did he actually have fangs this whole time and you didn't notice..? No, that seems impossible- and honestly you feel too fucking good right now to even put much more thought into it. You're sure it just feels that way because now that he knows you're comfortable with the sting, he doesn't need to show anymore restraint when biting. He's simply putting more force into his bite now- that's all that makes sense.

He speeds up his fingers as his teeth sink further into your skin, his thumb firm on your clit, and it's enough to send you over the edge for a third time, your back arching off the bed as you let out a string of expletives and moans. 

Fuck. When Hyunjin pulls away, he knows he fucked up, quickly retracting his fangs before you can notice them; two holes now distinctly left in your skin. Unlike the hickies, that's not something you can simply hide with makeup, and when you look at yourself in the mirror tomorrow you'll definitely have questions about how the fuck he managed to do that with dull, human teeth. 

But when you look at him, absolutely blissed out and eyes hazy with pleasure, he decides that it's a problem for future Hyunjin; you're both already in the moment, and why ruin it now? He's still not quite done with you, after all; he's supposed to be relieving your stress like a good boyfriend. And what better way to relieve all your stress and tension than to make you cum again and again, until your body is as weak as jelly?

"Can you handle one more, lovely?" he asks, rubbing your cheek with his unoccupied hand. You lean into his touch, a soft smile on your face as you eagerly nod, ready to take all he wants to give you.

He returns the smile, planting a lingering kiss on your swollen, self-bitten lips, praising you once more. His hand trails down to your neck, fingers lingering on the surface while his other hand resumes its motion between your legs.

"Tell me how you feel, baby," Hyunjin instructs softly, and you look at him with glassy eyes, stuttering out your answer.

"Y-Yellow. Feels g-good, but 'm nervous," you say honestly and he coos and comforts you, assuring you he won't squeeze unless you want him too; for now, he'll just hold his hand in place, let you familiarize yourself with the pressure before you decide if you want anymore than that. 

Soon enough your eyes are rolling back once more, your pussy clenching around his fingers as he drives you close to orgasm just as expertly as he did each time before, letting yourself go completely as you become familiar and comfortable with his hand on your neck. You're babbling almost incoherently about how good it feels, but there's one thing in your string of words that he hears loud and clear, and that's "more."

"Want me to squeeze, lovely?" he asks, wanting to make 100% sure that he's not mistaken, and you nod quickly, repeating the word "squeeze" with a soft, pleading voice, followed by a string of "please, please, please."

You don't have to beg for a single thing when it comes to Hyunjin, but fuck, does he love hearing it more than he's ever loved anything. And so he does as you ask, gently of course, since it's your first time experiencing it.

Your body immediately reacts, gushing and clenching hard around his fingers as your mouth hangs open in a silent wail of pleasure, your last orgasm of the night hitting you like a semi-truck. Hyunjin slides his fingers out of you, planting soft kisses to your heated, sweat laden skin as you come down from the high.

He steps away just for a moment to bring you some water, helping you sit up enough to drink it before you fall back against the bed, body limp, utterly spent and exhausted.

"Hyun.. what about you..?" you ask in a sleepy voice, and Hyunjin chuckles softly, patting the top of your head after he wipes the sweat from your brows. "I'm good, baby, this was all for you. Feeling better now?"

You hum with a soft smile, curling into him and closing your heavy eyes. Hyunjin does his best to fix your nightgown and clean you up, once again chuckling when you start to softly snore after he manages to get you under the blankets.

As a demon, he doesn't need to sleep, but he lies next to you anyways, wrapping his arms around you and smiling as you snore into his chest. 

There's an anxiety that lingers in the back of his mind, the reality that come tomorrow you're going to see an abnormal mark on your neck and how he'll have to face what that means for your budding relationship.

Does he tell the truth? Would you even accept him if you knew? Humans hate and fear demons, and demons in turn aren't fond of humans, often the cause of a great multitude of their suffering.

Loving you was against everything he understood about himself, and in turn, loving him would be against what you understood about yourself. Hyunjin closes his eyes, and for the first time in centuries, he forces himself to take the sleep he doesn't need- because if this is where his relationship with you goes up in flames, then he wants the last good moment with you to be spent as human as he can possibly make it.

Unsurprisingly, Hyunjin is first to awake despite having fallen asleep after you. Even without the exhausting pleasure gauntlet he subjected your body to, he would’ve woken first regardless; as a being who doesn’t require sleep, he doesn’t stay in that state for nearly as long as a human does.

And even then it’s not a “true” sleep; it’s more like a meditative state, that surely did help give his mind and body rest, but was wholly unnecessary when it came to his ability to function. 

Given that he’s already forced the state once tonight, it’d be almost impossible to do so again as it’s simply not in his biology to do so. And despite himself, he still wants to linger; so he closes his eyes again, and though sleep does not return to him, he stays that way– holding you close, listening to your deep, slow breaths, his fingers lazily and softly tracing over your skin. 

The meditative state he’d been in for the last few, entirely too short hours did thankfully offer some much needed clarity to his racing mind. Hyunjin, grappling with the fact that he lost control of himself, carelessly (or maybe instinctively, unconsciously), bared his fangs to sink into your skin and mark you like a werewolf would his mate left him both ashamed and frightened for what would come next. 

It’s far from Hyunjin’s proudest moment, and never before has he had to grapple with the possibility of losing something important to him. There’s part of him that still doesn’t even fully understand why you’re important to him.

He’s a demon for fuck’s sake– demons don’t fall in love with humans, they manipulate humans to fall in love with them. They destroy human’s lives for fun, they take and ruin and feed until their prey is left with nothing, and then they move on to the next person. 

And Hyunjin knew he was different from a standard demon, not just in physiology and intelligence but also in the way he approached life, but it still baffled him to realize just how different he truly was.

He did the exact opposite of what other demons in the same position as him would have done; he could have charmed you for an easy fuck where you think you’re in love with despite the fact that he would've been a stranger, and it would’ve, ideally, been enough to satiate his need to have you. 

He could’ve avoided spendings months getting to know you, he could’ve manipulated you to suit his whims from the moment he formally met you instead of spending all his time to foster a real connection. He could’ve lied through his teeth at every moment, and while he certainly did lie, it was only ever necessary lies; he never, not even once, lied about something he felt or thought.

Every glimpse into his personality, ideals, likes and dislikes were all genuine. He could’ve just given you thoughtless answers that he thought you’d want to hear, never injecting his real self into the dynamic, but he didn't.

For reasons he couldn’t understand, he wanted you to love him– he thought at first it was simply because of his preferences whilst feeding, but now he knows it's more than that.

For reasons he can't understand, he wants you to love him, and not for some idealized man he crafted to meet your every need and preference. He wants you to love him for who he actually is as a person.

But.. he isn’t really a person; not in the way you are. Still, he followed that notion, and at every moment he was genuine; every look, every touch, every date and every gift– they were sincere admissions of a love he truly felt and wanted you to share, his proverbial heart being worn on his sleeve. 

It reached a point where lying to you ate away at him, but he didn’t know what else he was supposed to do. In what reality did it make sense for him to confess that he’s a demon and for you to be okay with it?

And his mistake has forced him to confront that difficult truth much sooner than he had hoped to, has given root to the fear of rejection, loss, and unrequited love– human emotions he never expected to feel, that he thought he was incapable of feeling in the first place.

All he can do is pray that when he tells you the truth about who he is, you don’t turn away and rebuke him. And how ironic it is for him to pray for something– to want something so badly that all he can do is plead to the higher power he’s supposed to be against to grant him this selfish wish he doesn’t want to let go of.

Hyunjin has come to understand in his time with you that the relationship between humans and demons is more complex and codependent on his end than he would’ve initially given credence to. Maybe all it took to spark that epiphany was meeting the right person. 

And how foolish he is, to devote so much time and love to a being whose existence will only equate to a mere fraction of his own, who is fragile and weak and without lasting power.

Maybe if he’s lucky, when you are met with mortality your soul will find him in his domain in the second circle, where your sins will go unjudged and unpunished for as long as Hyunjin remains at the top, where your eternity of “atonement” can be spent with him, where he’ll regard you as a queen of equal standing. 

Dark fades to light with the rising of the sun, and still he keeps his eyes closed, as if preventing them from opening would also prevent the reality that is fast approaching from coming to pass.

Eventually, when the sun is high in the sky and brightly illuminating your room through your open blinds, he feels you stir, cautiously opening his eyes to the sight of you trying to blink away the sleepy fatigue that still maintains a grip on your senses. 

You offer him a soft, lazy smile as you wake further, clinging closer to him with a tight squeeze of your arms around his torso. How naturally you smile at him and hug him is both a soothing balm and cruel crutch that he knows will break the heart he isn’t even supposed to have when it is gone.

Thankfully, in your sleep-addled state you don’t recognize the looming dread that hangs over him, and he’s able to quickly shove it down to return your smile and plant a soft kiss to your face, reminding himself to enjoy his time with you while he still has it.

Pushing your hair out of your face as you wake up more, Hyunjin catches a glimpse at your neck, the speckled bruises and fading indents of his teeth becoming entirely visible. Well, all marks of his teeth were fading except for one– the two holes left behind from his fangs, the shameful evidence that he lost control of himself in a way he never had before.

Broken skin doesn’t mend in just a single night’s sleep, and he knew the moment you touched your neck or looked in the mirror you would know they were there and you would look at the mark, at him, with either fear, confusion, or disgust as you try to comprehend how his bite would cause such a thing.

“How’d you sleep, lovely?” Hyunjin decides to ask so his mind doesn’t dwell and linger on your neck.

“Good,” is all you say with a small, bashful smile, pink crawling over your features as you recall all Hyunjin did to and for you. Honestly, you can’t remember the last time you slept so deeply, and you don’t think you’ll ever forget that feeling of ultimate bliss as your eyes grew heavy and mind drifted off comfortably. 

“You make me so happy,” you follow up, tilting your head up to capture his lips in a soft, good morning kiss. “Want to make you happy too,” you whisper against his lips before kissing them again, and his heart squeezes almost painfully in his chest because he feels it– lust, passion, desire, love.

What starts as a small prick to his senses builds to an all encompassing tsunami the more you kiss him and entangle your limbs with his. Love, love, I love you, your soul radiates.

It’s all he’s ever wanted, all this time it’s what he’s been working towards and hoping for, and it shoots almost painful electricity throughout his every nerve ending. Overwhelming, consuming, too radiant and bright and pure to belong to a man such as him, who isn’t really a “man” at all, but an entity entirely undeserving of your grace. Selfish, desperate, shameful– he holds you as if he is none of those things, as if he doesn’t taint you just by loving you. 

You push Hyunjin so he’s flat on his back, rolling yourself on top of him, your hair tickling his skin as it falls over his face when you kiss him. His grip on your hips is tight, almost painfully so, but you welcome it.

He’s so fucking hungry for you, he craves you so, so bad, and you meet that hunger enthusiastically, your hands ghosting over his chest and down his stomach, making quick work of the shirt he slept in. 

You suppose taking the lead comes naturally to you once shyness and subtle insecurity is dealt with, but you’d easily concede control to Hyunjin again should he have the desire to once again make you pliant beneath him.

Your hips roll down onto his hardening cock, and the groan that escapes him makes your stomach flutter with countless butterflies. He nips at your bottom lip with his teeth, sometimes tugging before soothing the bites with soft licks of his tongue.

The rest of your clothes come off in a blur– your nightgown practically ripped off of you by Hyunjin while you fumble with the tied knot of his sweatpants, both of you panting into each other’s mouths, every noise being muffled and swallowed.

Wrong, this is wrong, selfish, you’re wicked, deplorable, the back of Hyunjin’s mind screams at him in stark contrast to the way he desperately paws at you, lust and hunger casting a fog over his rationality. 

But when he opens his eyes as you pull back for a breath, his eyes instinctively travel back to your neck, the mark he left on your skin expounding upon his building guilt. He has to tell you now- before the guilt eats away at him entirely, before he loses control of himself again, before he does something else he’ll regret.

An almost guttural pained noise leaves his throat when you roll yourself down on him again, fingers digging into the swell of your hips, his now bare cock becoming slick with your essence. 

“Shit, fuck– wait, baby wait–” Hyunjin breathes out, the most ragged and strained you’ve ever heard his voice. He can feel your passion and desire become background to concern and doubt, can feel your anxiety spiking as you cease your movements.

Fuck, he feels so bad– but you have to know he’s not what you think he is, he won’t forgive himself if he doesn’t tell you now. “Listen, I–” Hyunjin starts, then swallows, and your eyes swim with care as you see him struggle, “I– your neck, its..” 

“Hyun, I wanted you to do it, don’t worry about that,” you tell him sweetly and softly, one of your hands grabbing his and rubbing soothing circles on it with your thumb.

His heart squeezes painfully once again, and he shakes his head, “That’s not it, I– ..just feel it, or look at it, or..” You furrow your brows in confusion but do as he asks of you, trailing your fingers carefully over all the spots you knew he bit and sucked your skin.

You don’t feel much, at first– just a tender skin where you assume bruises have formed, some extremely faint indents of teeth, but as you get closer to the junction where your neck meets your shoulder, you feel it and your entire body freezes.

What.. is that..? You scramble to grab your phone from the nightstand, turning on the camera and flipping its view to see yourself, blinking as you try to process what you’re seeing reflected in the viewfinder. 

What the fuck? Slowly, in disbelief as your mind lags and struggles to compute with the reality of what you’ve seen, you lower your arm and let your phone fall from your hand. Are you dreaming?

You feel like you’ve been transported to one of those YA vampire romances you read in college for fun– but that’s impossible, isn’t it? Things like that aren’t real, are they? There’s no way you’ve been dating a supernatural being for months.

Your next thought is that this is an ill-timed prank, though you can rationally tell it isn’t. And Hyunjin’s hand that is still in yours.. You can feel it tremble with uncertainty and apprehension, his eyes relaying a deep seated fear of rejection and.. Guilt? Guilt for what? Do you even want to know the answer to that question? You assume it’s related to whatever this is, whatever he is, but.. what is that, exactly? 

Hesitantly, you ask him, wondering if this is really your teen fantasy Twilight moment– stark naked, sitting on the dick of a man who might not actually be “a man” at all. “You may not believe me if I tell you, but I can show you,” he says quietly whilst cautiously squeezing your hand.

“O-Okay.. sure,” you breathe out nervously, squeezing his hand back in support. Maybe this is a mistake, but seeing the utter anxiety he’s struggling with, you can’t help but empathize. 

If the roles were reversed, and you were an otherworldly being in a relationship with a human, would you be able to tell them? Wouldn’t you be scared of losing them if they knew the truth? And maybe you shouldn’t forgive him easily, regardless of what the truth ends up being, but you think you can understand what would drive him to keep such a deep secret.

You’re still fucking scared of whatever it is, if you’re being honest, but you don’t want to believe that the Hyunjin you know is anything but the sweet, perfect, gentle boyfriend you’ve known him as thus far. 

All you do is blink and instantly the Hyunjin before you is different, as if a veil that was covering your eyes has been lifted to reveal his truest self. His facial features and hair are the same, recognizably Hyunjin through and through, but his skin has changed from a natural, honeyed tone to a deep, scarlet red hue. His eyes, in turn, are no longer a dark, boba-like brown, but instead an unnatural crimson.

Long, pointed ears like an elf you’d see in a fantasy game or movie, horns the same color as his skin protruding from the top of his head, curving gently until they point straight up. You can just barely see the points of his fangs between his parted lips, can see bat-like wings struggling to fit beneath him on the bed, as well a long, slender tail with an upside down heart as its tip.

And his body, which was already warm, now feels almost impossibly hot, as if he has a dangerous fever coursing through him, with his nails now more like claws in their length and pointed edge.  

He’s.. still so beautiful..? You weren’t sure what kind of change you were expecting, and you still don’t entirely understand what he is, but he’s undeniably just as gorgeous now as when he was presenting himself as human. His form is reminiscent of the beauty found in the work of Gustave Doré, whose art Hyunjin had once praised and talked at length about; ethereal, otherworldly, mesmerizing–

Wait. Something clicks– the rumors of your apartment being haunted by a demonic entity before you moved in that you disregarded and didn’t believe in. The times you’d wake up from sleep and notice something had been moved, always slightly off from how you’d left it. 

The presence you’d sometimes feel despite being alone, the sensation of being watched that sometimes lingered, but always seemed to go away when Hyunjin was at your apartment. His extensive knowledge of art and history that felt as if he lived through the era rather than just having read about it, his fluency in latin that goes beyond mere college study..

You’re in love with a demon. And you suspect that he’s known you for longer than you’ve known him.

“I’m sorry, I never wanted to lie to you,” Hyunjin breathes nervously after he sees understanding flash in your eyes as you put the pieces of his identity together. “I just, I.. became so utterly, impossibly infatuated by you. But I couldn’t just.. show myself, even if I wanted to. And I– I wanted you to know me, because I love you more than I ever thought was possible for someone like me.”

It’s hard to say whether or not you’ve been manipulated and misled to trust him, but you do, even if you shouldn’t. You’ll have to hope that God will forgive you for the sacrilege you’re about to commit.

Squeezing his hand in a display of acceptance, leaning down to kiss him once more in a promise of love regardless of the truth you’ve been shown, dedication to an act entirely unholy.

But if Hyunjin is what will be waiting for you in hell when you die, maybe damning your soul there isn’t so bad.

You feel him positively melt with relief, soft apologies from him and acceptances from you rolling off the tongue. “Promise me this is the only lie, promise this is the only secret, and I’ll forgive you,” you breathe and he affirms without hesitation, enduring promises of true love and honesty pouring from his lips.

“We can even make it a pact if you want,” he says after a string of promises, and you shake your head with a slight smile. 

If what you’re led to believe from media is true, if Hyunjin made a pact with you in which his end of the deal is to never lie to you, he’d suffer grave consequences for breaking it. “I’m choosing to trust you without that, so don’t break it, okay?”

Hyunjin nods with a smile before you’re kissing once more, his arms wrapping around you and hugging you tight to his impossibly hot skin. 

When your tongue enters his mouth, you curiously explore the point and feel of his fangs, and when he nips at your lips, the sharp point very nearly draws blood with each bite, the subtle pain utterly intoxicating. It’s not long before your lips end up swollen and bitten red, your tongues continuing to swirl and move together, your hands fervent in their exploration and demand to feel. 

Soon enough, he’s flipping your positions, your back now against the mattress with Hyunjin pushing himself between your legs, his mouth trailing gently over the marks he left the previous night. He sucks over the skin once more, deepening the bruises he’s already left behind, brightening them in color. It aches, and yet you tilt your head to the side to make his task easier, feeling him smile against your skin as his fangs poke at your sensitive skin.

He doesn’t bite down, not like he did last night– he doesn’t want to hurt you too much. Instead, his teeth scrape and taunt, the feeling of them enough to have you whining even without the bite. When he pulls away to look at you, your eyes are already pleasantly glazing over in a lustful haze, and seeing his fangs when he smiles confidently down at you makes you dizzy. He’s so fucking beautiful, sexy- it’s going to drive you crazy one of these days.

You jump slightly in surprise when you feel his tail slinking up your leg, wrapping around and hugging your thigh. And it’s when you look down to see how his tail looks wrapped around you that you finally catch a glimpse of his impossibly hard and leaking cock, so unlike anything you’ve ever seen before.

It’s big– much bigger than you imagine a human could ever compare, and just as deep and supernaturally red as the rest of him. You’re practically drooling at the sight, at the thought of having it in your mouth– would he taste the same as a human, or would his essence be entirely unique?

Hyunjin has to hesitate from smirking when he sees you blatantly staring and curiously, hungrily licking your lips, the increased lust from seeing his cock spilling from you in droves. “You want a taste, lovely?” he asks with a charismatic, almost mischievous tilt of the head, his grin growing when you nod eagerly.

“C’mon then, love, ‘s all yours,” he says while uncurling his tail from around your thigh, standing up and letting you come meet him at the edge of the bed. You tentatively reach out to touch his cock, and fuck, it’s so heavy in your hands.

Your hands look so small wrapped around him, your fingers unable to wrap entirely around his girth, and while usually both your hands are enough to cover the entire length of a cock up to its tip, Hyunjin still has much more than just the tip poking through. 

Long, thick, big, you’re not sure how it’ll fit in your mouth, much less your pussy– but you’re not a quitter. You start with kisses that turn into kitten licks as you rub up and down his length with both hands, looking up at Hyunjin through your lashes, eager for a reaction, for praise.

He brings a hand to the back of your head, waiting for you to open your mouth for him. He carefully guides and urges you to take more and more of him in, until the tip is touching the back of your throat. It takes everything in you not to gag and choke, your eyes brimming with tears as you breathe through your nose.

“That’s it, what a good girl, taking so much of me,” Hyunjin pets your head as he praises you, and he can see you pressing your thighs together, squirming and desperate to hear more. You want to take all of him in your mouth, but you recognize that’s an impossibility- so you settle for pumping what you can’t fit in your mouth with your hands, doing your best to match the pace of your hands with the bobbing of your head. 

Hyunjin’s soft, breathy moans fuel you, his fingers tangling in your hair as he begins to take control of the rhythm. You let out a squeak of surprise when you feel his tail snake between your legs, gasping when you feel the tip of his tail teasing your clit.

“‘s good? You like that?” Hyunjin asks when you moan around his cock, another smirk gracing his beautiful, perfect face when you quickly nod. 

The combination of his cock down your throat and his tail rubbing your clit makes you dizzy, the pace of your hands faltering as your thighs twitch and tremble. Eventually, your hands drop to your lap, your nails digging into your palms as you let him play with your clit and use your mouth, tears falling as he holds your head while rolling his hips and making you take as much as you can handle. 

Determined now to make you cum while his cock is deep in your throat, he moves one of his hands to your chest, tweaking and pulling at one of your nipples, earning a muffled whine as your eyes squeeze shut.

Your hands, no longer curled into desperate fists, now cling to his thighs, your nails digging into his skin as you cry and whimper. Hyunjin is relentless on all fronts– from the pace he fucks your mouth, to the flicking of his tail against your clit, to the way he pinches and tugs on your nipples. 

“Gonna cum just like this, aren’t you, lovely? Go ahead baby, let go and show me how good you feel.” With Hyunjin’s permission, and a few more quick flicks of his tail against your clit, you’re cumming with a loud, but muffled cry, your nails failing to break the skin of his thighs despite how harsh you claw at him.

You suck in a deep breath when he pulls out of your mouth, your chest heaving as you come down from your high and air returns to your lungs. Hyunjin showers you in more praise as he wipes the tears away from your eyes with his thumbs, subsequently leaving a lingering trail of kisses to your cheeks where they streaked your skin. 

He guides you to lay back down on the bed, planting sweet kisses to your lips once you’ve finished catching your breath. You can feel his cock, wet and still impossibly heavy, between your legs, and you want it in you now.

“Hyun,” you start, a pout gracing your lips as you prepare yourself to shamelessly beg, “want you so bad, please, please, fuck me, I need it.”

You can feel his cock unceremoniously twitch at your pleas, a groan leaving his throat at your desperate tone. “You don’t have to beg, my love, I’ll give you anything you want,” Hyunjin says as he rubs his fingers between your folds, feeling how slick you’ve gotten for him.

Truthfully, he should prep you more first, but you’re both so fucking needy for each other, and he’ll just have to hope that fingering you last night and making you cum again since then will be good enough. 

He kisses you and lets you squeeze his hand as he pushes inside, the stretch so much more intense than anything you’ve ever felt, so full that your eyes are rolling back before he’s even thrusting his hips.

It aches, it stings, but it’s also the most addictive pleasure you’ve ever experienced. You want all he has to give you, more and more, until you can feel and think of nothing but him. 

Hyunjin holds one of your legs, his tail once again wrapping around the thigh of the other, this time using it to keep you spread and open for him, allowing him to sink as deep as he possibly can. “Fuck, baby–” Hyunjin groans once he’s sheathed fully inside, your walls so wet and hot and squeezing him impossibly tight, “needed this, needed you so fucking bad, you have no idea.” 

“You too, needed you too Hyun, so bad,” you mirror his sentiment between gaspy moans and shaky whines when he finally starts pulling out, pushing back in one swift and fluid motion, building a quick, desperate pace. Despite the desperation however, his pace is far from sloppy– every thrust is precise, leaving you arching your back as your cries grow in volume, your nails digging harshly into his forearms. 

When he knows you can handle it, he fucks into your faster, capturing your mouth in messy, open kisses, your saliva mixing and pooling until it drips from the corners of your mouth. His grip on your thigh tightens, his fingers sure to leave bruises behind in their wake.

Sweat drips from his brow, sometimes falling to your cheeks, and God, the sight is utterly mesmerizing– even as sweat drips down his face and sticks his hair to his forehead, he’s the most beautiful thing you’ve ever seen. 

And again he feels it, the utter love and trust pouring forth from your soul, radiant and perhaps undeserving to be felt by him, but it exists all for him nonetheless. His head drops to your shoulder, every emotion that he feels spilling from you driving him further and further into bliss, his pleasured moans dancing in your ears.

“Tell me, please, fuck, please tell me–” Hyunjin practically whines, his nails now digging into the meat of your thighs as he fucks you harder. Tell him? Tell him what? Somehow, you think you know what he wants to hear, because it’s the very same thing that you want to hear too.

“Love you, I love you, lov– fuck, love you so much,” you breathlessly spill the words between moans, and you hear Hyunjin keen, pleasure erupting from every nerve ending, the wave of love that you exude enough to drown him completely.

“Lovely, my love, I love you, I’m gonna– fuck, ‘m gonna cum, tell me again,” Hyunjin pleads, desperate and urgent, his cock throbbing and twitching as he approaches his own high. 

You do just as he asks, stuttering out endless “I love you”s until you’re both cumming hard, a blissful intensity that steals your breaths away and leaves your bodies shaking. His cum shoots inside you in long spurts, filling you to the brim, so much so that it spills out of you even with his cock still firmly pressed inside you.

“Mine,” Hyunjin mutters as he kisses you, passionate and deep, no longer sloppy and desperate as it was in the throes of his orgasm, “my love, just mine, aren’t you?” 

“Just yours, all yours,” you say, and he knows you’re telling the truth, can feel it with every fiber of his being that you mean it sincerely. It was surreal, realizing the truth about your boyfriend and loving him regardless of who he is and how he truly appears, but you don’t regret it.

He cleans you up diligently, he helps you get dressed and makes you breakfast, he showers you in kisses and endless praise just as he always does throughout the rest of your day.

Because even though he may appear different to you now, he’s still the same Hyunjin you met; the one who dotes on you endlessly, who takes care of you sweetly, who spends hours talking and cuddling and listening to every thought you have.

Though you can’t explicitly read emotion the way he can, you always know what he’s thinking and feeling– because with you he’s transparent, with nothing to hide, and only love and tenderness to give. 

Maybe it’s wrong for a human and demon to be in love, but you like to think this is the happiness you were meant to have, that this is where you’re supposed to be– right by Hyunjin’s side, until your final breath and then in eternity, a love that transcends your human mortality.

If there is one thing you are certain of, it is that spending forever with Hyunjin will bring you a love you’ll feel eternally– warm, gentle, and true.

[kinardsboy]

This has been sitting on my mind a lot lately but it seems extra relevant now with the way Tommy and by extension Lou has been criticized for acting “too gay” in ep 5. And while yes, I will agree Tommy acted slightly different in ep 5, it has absolutely everything to do with Lou’s incredible acting choices to play Tommy differently when he is around people he deems as “safe” which is much better explained in this amazing post here <-

All these complains are doing is just yet again exposing buddies as homophobes who are, at the end of the day. Uncomfortable with real queerness being shown infront of them. Of course we already knew this with how they react to Buck and Tommy kissing and god forbid flirting especially if it has sexual implications like the daddy kink scene.

They can’t possibly fathom their precious uwu baby Buck would be sexual with another man so they spin and twist it however they can to make it out to be, “NO! You see! Tommy started the flirting! Tommy is just an insatiable horny gay man! He only wants sex! Like most of them do!”

Which is again spewing homophobic rhetoric, who wouldve guessed thats what they immediately turn to?

I now have something probably controversial to say but oh well, im going to say it anyway.

A good many of these shippers would be deeply uncomfortable with Buddie actually becoming canon, because they would be nothing like their fanfic. They don’t want to see two men in a relationship, they want to see Eddie in a relationship with the character they project themselves onto.

There are so many examples of this but perhaps the biggest being the way Buck is made out to be the “woman” in the relationship and especially how he is made to be the “mom”

Buck and Tommy’s relationship 1st does not have any children involved so there are no gendered roles to be assigned (even though if there was.. theyd just both be a dad), they are both beefy and the same height, which is what people usually use to decide “top” and “bottom” but again since there is little physical difference between them, they cannot do this, which only adds to their uncomfortableness.

Furthermore, I would go as far to say that Buddie shippers dont actually like Buck.

A while back a shipper posted this analysis of Buddie, that essentially reduces Buck to a dog. A pet. Only to be let out of the bedroom to cook and take care of Chris, otherwise he’s meant only for Eddie’s pleasure.

Which, disgusting. But the thing that stood out most to me was how Tommy was criticized for

letting Buck be himself. For accepting and loving him flaws and all. For not trying to change anything, or “train” the bad out of him

While Eddie was the “trainer” in that scenario, that had to train the bad out of Buck in order for him to be acceptable.

And thats the funny thing isnt it? Buddie shippers have to completely warp and destroy Buck’s character to make him fit their mold of perfect partner for Eddie. They make him out to be this helpless person who can’t even tell Tommy he doesnt want to be called Evan, that needs rescuing from Tommy, that is a “mother figure” to Chris, that his “dream role” would be live in chef and maid for the diaz family..

When none of that is Buck.

Buck is a smart, independent and strong man. He has worked tirelessly on himself to know who he is and what he wants, which right now? Is with Tommy.

Bringing it back to my main point, their complaints of Tommy being more gay and Bucktommy intimacy ultimately just boil down to homophobia plain and simple, seeing real queer representation and not representation that they can specifically twist and cater to themselves through fic, headcanons or gifs, makes them uncomfortable

(could this be why so many of them ignore shows with canon m/m ships for favor of shows with fanon ones that will never actually happen? So they can make these demands for representation then shit on it as soon as they get it because its not fanfic? Its not their fetish specifically catered to them? It actually represents real life queer men who they don’t actually like?)

[death---dealer]

If You Only Knew. ( Noa x Human!Reader. ) Part Thirteen.

oh mg god

Title: If You Only Knew. Fandom: ( Kingdom of the ) Planet of the Apes. Rating: T. ( Sexual implications, injury, mentions of blood. ) Pairing: Noa x Human!Reader. Words: 7K. ( Shorter but every word HURTS. ) Summary: Noa is taken to you. Once more, one more time and one more chance to tell you how he feels.

READ THE SERIES HERE.

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No one came back for you. 

There was no satisfaction in feeling a set of arms lined with fur drenching themselves against your body and carrying you off to safety as you began the decline into the inevitable. Soona--- you whimpered gently, she… Did the right thing. You’d have not come back for an Echo either, so terrible and flushed with misery and inherent selfishness to destroy all of the good in their lives. You’d have left the body alone to shatter into char and to be completely unrecognizable. Her people… Her Clan. Your Clan. Your people… More important. You’d perish with it, rightfully so, never to be remembered in the future, never to be thought of anymore as nothing more than the Echo who brought down the entire three-hundred years of established cultures and families. 

There was no indication outside the roaring of the flames of an Ape calling out to you to help, of someone there to cast you back to reality and to tell you to hold on for just a little more. Self-pity had to be the last thing you felt before actually succumbing, how bitter a thought and how cruel the world was to you as your appendages all went numb against the heated ground, soot seeping into your mouth and coating the inside of your lungs with disgusted ash and resin that you were choking on but could not bring yourself to cough out, your head splitting itself open from the inside out like your brain wanted nothing more than to escape in a last-ditch effort to save at least your subconscious.

There was nothing for you, you figured and waited in baited anticipation of what lay beyond. You had gotten the only satisfaction you were seeking; seeing a life with Noa that you were not going to have. Feeling Noa against you knowing that it was never meant to be your body there, carrying a child with him to fruition, passing on the knowledge of both Echo and Ape… Lost and gone for both of you, a shred of guilt resting against your esophagus as all you wanted was to cry but had no energy to foster a chortle.

The Chimp would find a way to do it himself, he was obsessive in that aspect, you tried to calm your racing mind as you tore through the burns that left you here in the first place. No more resentment towards him for letting you go months ago, no more wondering what would have happened if you did not agree to his terms and he let you out into the world a year ago. No more… Noa for your eyes to feast on, the ripping of his muscles such a delicacy on their own, no meeting gazes from across the bonfire as Anaya told one of his crazed and elaborate stories, no more interactions on the basis that you were going to teach him something new… This was okay, your mind rested. Your fingers flattened on the ground and you kissed the blue feather of Eagle Sun into the Earth itself. 

Caressing bare skin was unusual, the sense pulling you back from the tether you had against the chains of bargaining. You always hated it when you compared it to the way it felt to have Noa brushing against your bare flesh. Human… too much like your own, too sweaty and too flushed, easy to break apart and torture to the extent of intense agony. You wanted to pull your arm back from the grasp, snatched and barked at whoever was touching you that you were not to be cradled by anyone but Noa but they were persistent, words flurrying around your ear drums but failing to process beyond a mild muffle. It was just the fire crackling, you figured and thought nothing of the inflictions. It was whispering to you that it was your time to go and out of arrogance, you chose to ignore it because you were unable to admit if you wanted to leave or not.

One part of you did; to fall asleep and not have to worry about the sun rising in the morning and the innate responsibilities that rested on your shoulders for being different and having to face the Clan in their demise, their eyes flooding you with judgment that you were the reason for the destruction in the first place. You’d be forced to leave, they’d all hate you and you’d rather embrace death then have to admit to yourself that they were right to always despise Echo, yourself included in that equation. 

One part of you didn't; wanting to stay awake long enough to see Noa once more so you could truly tell him that you needed him… That you… Needed his approval and his affection or else you were going to die without satisfaction and pleasure. To mutter how sorry you were that this all happened and that you were flooded with acute regret for taking the sweetened agreement that just got more and more drenched in coated honey that it was a temptation you were unable to stop yourself from biting at. You hoped one way or another he was going to forgive you for you were unable to forgive yourself.

A breath left your body when your arm was pulled, the sensation so dulled in the scape of the other injuries that riddled your body and you were under the safe assumption that Death herself came to grab you, pulling the arm right out of the socket as she dragged you to the deepest parts of the abyss.

 Fluttering against the ground, you were nothing more than dead weight and she realized that, holding on a bit tighter around your bruised wrist and tugged harder, skidding your body against the dirt and filling each lifeless pore with more dirtiness. You were unsure where that was, where in intended place you were being scooted to was but you hoped it was somewhere warm as chill ran through your spine and entangled itself against each vertebrate, kissing it to the point of paralysis and you were unable to even move your head to see what was happening as the landscape in front of your terror ladened eyes began to change.

From dirt coating the front of your body, scraping relentlessly through the thinned, crimson soaked t-shirt and into your navel and tearing away at your skin.

To flushed grass that sounded like heavy boots crunching and killing each of the shards. You felt bad for them, meeting Death so swiftly when you had the privilege to see it so close and personal, forming a relationship with her that you were never going to get in life itself. 

To the sediment of the forest's edge as you felt gravity taking a turn against you, head frantic to find some stability as you were propped up against the wooden embankment of a tree-trunk. She was preparing you, your lips parting in exaltation as you accepted it. The blood encrusted feather in your hand raised as you offered it to her. Take… Take it back to Noa for me, tell him… how much I’m sorry to leave… I needed to though, I can’t… hold on… Your head teetered forward, your neck muscles unable to hold any semblance of stability to tighten and stay active. 

“You need-”

A smile split across your face at the voice. Yeah, death was going to be a Human. The worst imaginable, the same inclination thoughts about Apes you had when you first laid eyes on Noa, Anaya and Soona, never realizing the impact they would have on you in the coming months that lead to this lusted for moment when Death would kiss you and take the last breath for herself, storing it for blackmail in the afterlife. The mind was running on its own as your eyelids were unable to come into any sort of position to properly see what had just occurred and where Death had taken you. 

Limbo, maybe. Awaiting a sentence that you knew was going to come hammering down on you for it was not coming from the Apes who granted you refuge, though they deserved it all the same. All your life as a Human making biased assumptions towards the very family who gave you a second life, who gave you a second chance to change your view points. All selfishly thrown away for just one of them… Your lips parted again as you managed to get yourself to whisper a small utterance.

 “Noa…” The feather you canted between your fingertips, a symbol of your lack of understanding and your lack of willingness to let go, reached itself up in a stroke towards the Heavens as if you were going to take off to the sky with it. “Noa.”

“Get up---”I don’t want to, you whispered inside of your mind, legs finally coming back to some feeling as you felt the shattering of your calves, not able to heal themselves and ingrained with dirt from a fight you needed to win to see Noa’s face once more. To hold him and to tell him in acute silence that it was all going to be alright and that you were going to get him safe.“You---”

The voice was breaking up, you whimpered quietly in your spot and reached your feather placed hand out to grasp at Death again. Don’t leave me now! I can’t go back… I’m s.. So afraid… 

“Need to help---” I’d rather die, you tucked the feather into the hand that out-stretched itself to help you get steady, refusing the help and admiration from the darkness and allotted your body against the ground as it had been before. Would the feather make it to Noa? You had no idea, but you hoped that the Reaper would be kind enough to show you one more grace. One more good thought and good deed as you rested your head against the ground, the notion of your split head nothing more than a tacknote in how it felt to just embrace what you were. As an Echo who loved an Ape. As part of the Eagle Clan itself, you wanted nothing more than to be a part of the Earth in death.

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The aggressive silence that radiated off the Ape, walking step-by-step with another Echo was abundantly clear in the shattering of twigs underweight of flat feet that were spaced with balanced toes and a pair of worn, nearly holed at the bottom was deafening to both as the ricocheting sounds reverberated through the entire wooded area. Noa was unsure, his rustled fur against his body on edge at every turn that this Echo made in the westward direction. Every turn of the head that this smaller frame made caused Noa’s bloodshot eyes to narrow and scan him again incase he had missed a hidden weapon, in case Noa was being lead to the ultimate fight to the Death with the knowledge that the only thing that was keeping his muscles together at this point was the prospect of seeing you again. Conversation was sparse, save for the idle mention earlier as the trek began that you were not in a state of consciousness and he was even hesitant to leave you in the first place to die on your own; the Echo was adamant that no one deserved to die alone and that was something Noa full heartedly agree with that, but only with you. This Echo. Very well could die alone at the hands of Noa’s strength and he’d feel nothing as the heart ceased to beat as long as you were safe and accounted for in the grand scheme. He contemplated it, watching the fall and rise of the shoulders and gesturing directions to him, broader than your own and all the more powerful and able to defend themselves as Noa tore away from the vision he got of your bloodied and tattered body. Seething at that, teeth bared themselves momentarily and shined with the glistening of the morning sun making itself known against the crisped landscape. He was… unable to defend you… Unable to stop the infliction against your soft skin, unable to hold and cradle your head when you came crashing down from the horse after trying to bid yourself into an escape. Noa--- his stomach churned as they rounded a blueberry bush, all familiar to him now as they were nearing the edge of the clan, his thick and calloused fingertips brushing the foliage with reminiscent melancholy of how many times your knees brushed their surfaces as you went foraging for berries, nestled so deeply in the bush that Noa thought you would disappear if you went any further. 

Noa contemplated it again; killing this Echo for even admitting that he was a part of the plan from the beginning and he did nothing but grovel for himself. Pitifully, the Master of the Birds thought and heard Eagle Sun crouch a cry into the stagnant air, enough to tell Noa what was happening. Pushing aside the lingering idea that Noa was more like this Echo than he was willing to bring to the forefront, both afraid once, both bargaining for their place in the world, Noa playing pieces with his own Clan’s safety and this Echo playing a piece with a azure feather, he hated that he felt a lick of sympathy at all as the scattering calls from Eagle Sun grew louder with each reinvigorating step he was taking, one after the other pained and slanted as he was unable to garner enough strength to balance his broad body, right arm in a slump of usefulness and his left, weaker than the dominant, fluttering to keep himself upright. “She gave you…” Noa finally spoke, feeling the feather tickling at the inside of his wrist where it had made its bloodied home against the fur that was dressed tightly in the arm band used to hold Eagle Sun without his talons causing extensive damage to the toughened skin that lined Noa’s body. His voice felt to be a different part of him, so far off, so unfamiliar to his ears that were still ringing from being shattered into the mud. Noa wanted to speak more, to instigate this further but the captivation of smothering in his lungs was too great to counterbalance the movements that were rocketing what felt like shattered rib pieces into the outer edges of his lungs.  “Feather. To bring…?”

“No,” Noa stopped moving and felt himself stiffen at that brute answer, tilting his head and feeling his teeth scrape against his lips as he wanted to bark in aggressive intimidation for an answer. “I took it from her. She kept…” 

The Echo also stopped a few feet in front of Noa and turned around to face his prudent captor and for the first time, the Ape got a good look at him. Sickly, from malnourishment, incredibly sunken in cheeks and a chiseled brow-line that was hardened from years of being exposed to the most deadliest of predators; Apes and Echo alike. Below the brow rested blue eyes, not too dissimilar from Noa’s in the stance they held.

Reservation, the knowledge that this was all a tossup and either one of them could come out the champion. He was better hiding it than Noa though, the Chimp had to admit that defeat as he only longed to place his gaze on you and trying to convince himself otherwise was futile. Tousled, dark blond hair that bled into a more honey-golden when he stepped in the right light, Noa noticed as he came forward, slowly at first as Noa hunched his body, flinching only momentarily as he yearned for his right arm to become comprehensive. 

“She kept mumbling about this Noa,” He uttered, “I figured that was you, the leader. The feather was just to get you here.” He tilted his chin back towards the direction that they were trailing, back to the Clan. “You’re the whole reason she fought so hard in the first place to keep your home from burning to the ground. Which proved pointless, we still came--- And well, we’re not all heartless, she deserves to at least have someone she knows there when she dies.”

What a sick and twisted way to show what Noa wanted to consider empathy, his mouth running dry and eyes widening at the words. She deserves to have someone she knows there when she dies. So… You were alive. That’s all his buzzed mind could comprehend from that, the racing of his heart inside of the crackled nature of his chest racing towards that without thinking about the other implications of the statement. Alive… You were alive, this Echo had no reason to lie to Noa… Well, he… did. Enough reason lay in the bounds between species. There was a confliction running through the collarbones and zapping down his spine. 

You were alive… But this Echo was bringing him near you so you could experience the last death to bear witness to your pupils, Noa’s blood falling into your face for the last time as you cried before being taken yourself. A game as evil and conniving as the group of ravenous Apes that lead to your untimely arrival at the Clan, forcing your way into all aspects and into Noa himself to the point where there was no vivid future without you with him.

Noa was unwavering in his stare, from eye to eye to get any indication that the truth was being spoken but there was nothing there for him to read, Noa cursing inside of his mind and falling into a pit of self-deprecation that he had become so accustomed to reading your emotions splayed on your face that he figured it would be easy to do with a different Echo. Noa did take notice regardless of the lack of expressions that he was taking a deep breath in and releasing it painfully as if Noa himself were threatening the very air that was encasing the surrounding area. Like a pestilence, like a plague. 

This… Noa felt his shredded mouth open for a split second as he reached for another question but nothing came to bear fruit from his worthless tongue. This Echo's body stance told him and reminded Noa that… You were not the same even if he came to offer your rescue. This was not empathy, Noa recognized. What you had shown him in the past, talking about his father, the loss of the Clan before this time, was crusted with flecks of empathy that were palpable and tasted so sweet that you were whispering them directly into his mouth. This was… Cruelty. To bring him to you only to see you for an instant before you were taken again. Not satisfaction, not a trace of forgiveness… 

Noa glowered as they turned and began moving forward again, muttering something under their breath about only a few meters more, and he felt not an ounce of empathy for the Echo who bargained for his life like you had before. He’d drink the cruel potion, Noa thought, without hesitating. Anything at all to see you one more time in some desperate hope that maybe it would be enough for the Ape to have closure. He never got it with his Father, each step falling now dripping into the Earth with sorrow filled remembrance of the things that he had in life and the things that were taken from him.

The Echo would kill him in any other circumstance, Noa’s brain riddled itself with contradictions from the way he was raised, so peaceful and unsparing in fights as they’d grown to admire the ways of the Sky’s and not the aggressive ways of the Apes from Beyond the Valley.

But… Noa would do it first out of seeking and attributed revenge that this pathetic excuse for a life was unable to see your value and save you in the first place before the Chimp felt your soul slipping away from him when you laid your life for him. Soona taking him away though Noa felt the fear of his muscles convulsing to go back and to save you instead. Noa recalled in a bloodied fit of terror to go back, too weak to use his body and his words were nothing but crimson against teeth, telling Soona to take him back and to let him drag you to safety. 

Something, anything… Noa felt bile rise in the back of his throat and it stung the already saliva coated crevice as he tried to swallow back the bitter taste of his thoughts and ideas, the ideologies springing from the night before. Green claret irises were tired as they stared at this other Echo who wanted to do something selfless but Noa felt no relief for it. There was none for anyone but you. You were his Echo and he would feel not one shred of empathy of feelings towards any others. 

He could imagine you so vividly in front of him, body so accepting of the differences that laid between the two of you, willing to listen despite your mind having tugged you so often in the opposite direction. They were not all the same, these Echo who came and pillaged, this Echo who brought you back together. But they were not you, Noa needed to tell himself over and over again as he began to carry his body against the ground once more. Only a little bit more, he wanted to fall onto all fours and race ahead but he was unable to tear himself into the position to do that in the first place, no weight was substantiated against his right arm and Noa knew it was going to take time to heal from a Echo inflicted wound. 

He wondered for a second--- Thinking back at the tendering of your flesh from a year ago… How long it would take you to heal from what you sustained. The wounds against your calves, the beating against your head. Noa was unsure how hard you had been hit there, knowing that head injuries amongst Echo were always the fastest and most sparing way to take them out of their misery. There was a racked fear that when he got to you, Noa was going to be unable to say anything to you, grief riding along his diaphragm. 

You were in an awful state the second he saw you before battling, the darkness of the night no doubt shielding some bruises and internal damages from his sight. Noa felt his breath shatter right out of his mouth. What if… He whimpered to himself, what if there was something internally wrong and there was nothing more they could do and you would die from the inside out? What--- Noa’s teeth gritted together, easing the pain that was flushing through the remaining senses he had that were not already blown into obscurity. He’d have to watch you die, one way or another. Either here in this moment now as the Echo came to a slow stop and pointed down the minor embankment of a fallen tree trunk.

 Or… In the future, your face pressing against his as you recalled a good and prosperous life with him. Children… so many, Noa wanted, feeling himself crumble with the idea that it wasn’t even plausible anymore and you were going to be taken from him too soon. He wanted to be selfish as he looked upwards on the small hill. You were right there, Noa wanted to see as he felt sinus pressure build along with the idea that he had more tears to shed after the nightmare he had just been through, lack of sleep and conscious thought hitting at his mind and beating him into submission. You were right there for him… Smiling and telling him what a great life you had led indeed; how you were so… proud that he had chosen you, but that was always going to be the thing. Noa would have been proud of you… Never himself, you stuck this out, you did th--- 

His throat closed up in preparation as he lifted his large and sunken frame upwards, feeling the shift of the Earth under his body,  giving the Echo just one passing glance as if to say a minor ‘thank you’ for not taking him out. For allowing this. For taking him back to you. He could smell you. The richness and stomach-turning scent of your iron-clad blood mixing with that undertone that always drew him to you. Always brought him right back home. You did this… for him, for his freedom… Noa needed to repay you somehow.

Knees shattered straight onto the ground at the sight in front of his eyes, the stance large and sprinted as he literally tore himself into pieces to get his body down the small canal to reach you. Feet did not matter anymore, Noa uttered to himself, hands and feet, all appendages were on the ground, ignoring the deeply fascinated spring in his shoulder blade that was keeping the tendons there from eating at themselves. 

Alive, Noa needed the confirmation, unsure where the abysmal grunt he made came from as he rounded your body, his hands differentiating themselves into the leaf encrusted ground. Yelping to himself, Noa bit down on his tongue to get you into his one good arm, his body slamming itself against the tree you had once been propped up against, eyes trying to ignore the patch of hair that had been yanked right of your skull that rested in a crevice in the bark. 

“I---So…” Noa breathed through his nose paced and quickened. The comprehension he had pulled together for himself shattered right before him and he had no power to stop it as he got you between his legs, letting your form drape against his chest and the uproar of your weight against his damaged insides was enough to keep him awake. “Wa… What… did you do… Stupid Echo...” How he sounded like Anaya in that moment as he scolded and tore into Noa for even implying that he wanted to mate with you. How that moment in time had been lost to the Ape for almost four months, how he… Lost you because he believed Anaya’s ignorance, to no fault of his Sunset Brother. He was right; Noa caressed your blooded head in his good hand and craned your neck to look at your face. You were so stupid… So reckless, more so than any Ape he had ever met.

All of this, his green gaze slid down and turned itself upside down at the blood that smeared against the front of your thinned t-shirt, nothing there to protect the skin that Noa wanted to bite from scratches and tears from the ground below. “Please…” He whispered to you and readjusted the hold he had against your face, tenderly pressing his calloused finger pads into it with a silent plea that spoke more than the words he was able to say at the time. 

Noa brought his face down to your mouth. Breathing… He could feel it against his cheek, rustling against the nature of his flurried fur. So good… Bottom lip quivered as he drew downwards to your chest, ignoring the desperation his body was asking for him to stop the jerks of the muscles and to rest. There was no time, he yelled at them in a biting tone, there was no time because you were…

Heartbeat… in your chest, he could hear it in his eardrum when he brought himself down upon your blistering ribs. Noa stammered, barking at his right arm to get itself together so he could cradle you properly, to hold you to him if this was the only chance he was going to get. Only mildly successful in that, he tugged your entire weight on top of him, the position awkward and crinkled as Eagle Sun came to rest in front of him. 

‘Go,’ He signed at the bird, ‘Urgent. Must tell Mother, Soona. Echo…’ Noa swallowed hard and held the back of your head against his shoulder, the utmost promise of the moment that he was not going to let you go again no matter what came upon you two. “Echo still alive. Go!” Such an easy command for such a complicated and tempered bird that resembled Noa in ways he wished he was unable to not notice.

Stubborn, the Chimp felt his breathing staggering uncontrollably at the ease you slumped against him, the torment of his shoulder reminded him that everything had a cost but the cost was paid time and time again. “Eagle Sun,” He whispered to you and pressed the entirety of his face into your hair and drew in the deepest breath he was able to muster with the torture it took to even breath normally. “He will… bring… Soona and Mother… Save… Save you… Stay…”

There was no way to ignore the fact that you were bloodied beyond recognition, Noa swallowed hard at that and brought you down to look at again. His eyes traced the familiarity of your features. The sweep of your eyelids, eyelashes flashing against your cheek bones, the bruising and swollen nature of your lips, the cuts that eradicated the sweet nature of your body. From the top of your forehead all the way down to the mangled despair of your legs... Noa whined deep in his chest.

You were here… You were back! Noa chanted inside of his derailed train of thought, hoping that it was enough to keep him motivated until the two other Apes came to help. “Stay… with me…” He urged you, pressing his forehead lightly against your own, to no response but Noa pressed on, moving inwards to the point where he felt another deeply antagonistic shatter occur in his ribs. He’d heal from that, but if he lost you there would be nothing left to heal.

“I cannot… do this… entire…” Noa felt the moistening under his eyes, creasing into the wrinkles that were more prominent from lack of rest and juxtaposed aggression and self-loathing. “This entire thing without… you need…” Exaltation was no relief for the Ape as your head lulled to the side and Noa found himself enthralled in the slower beating against your jugular. Carefully, he raised your unresponsive body to him and there was a brief moment of contact that his lips had against your neck. If you couldn’t support yourself, he’d do just that until you were healed. Until you were brought back to him.

“You do this for me…” Noa bargained and bared his teeth against the fleshy part behind your ear, “Do this for me and I… Will… forever… be yours… Mate, friend…” Noa bit lightly at the skin, the taste of blood on the surface skyrocketing whatever thought processes he had left. Not enough to break the skin, but just enough to let you know his intentions whether you were consciously aware of them or not. Aware of his arms holding you, aware that he was there to see you before you eclipsed. Noa felt his teeth chattering as he bit down again, this time with more vigor. “Mine… I will not let… you go again…”

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Noa was able to hear Eagle Sun’s screech. Close, he thought, close, close, close… His head was pressed into your chest, keeping time with the dimmed nature of your heart and imagining himself living in a different time. You… Were in the nest, Noa rocking both your bodies as he still had you in a tight embrace. Yes… Yes yes… In the nest that you two shared, years from now… Noa’s head was resting against your chest and he was taking in the nature of your bare skin under his fur, your fingers tickling themselves into the fur of his head and scratching at his skull.

He’d purr for you, eyes raising themselves to what Noa wanted to imagine as a cheeky grin. Mates, he whispered to you and found himself allotted between your open legs much like that vision he had of you two before he found his way back to the living… That thinking was so much better than the lifeless form he had against him, though that itself was something he never imagined happening. 

“You… be alright… I promise…” He whispered against your chest and tried to ignore the feeling of dread that played around at the front of his mind, eyes dropping themselves in a state of exhaustion. “We will take you back to the Clan,” Brushing out your hair with his good hand, Noa plucked a few twigs from the sediment that had built itself into your strands.

“Heal… You…” As if beckoning him, Noa pressed his forehead onto your sternum and rested there in a crouched position, the only part of your body hitting the ground below being your legs that Noa was too afraid to wrap into a tight coil so he could embrace your entire form like he had wanted to for so long. “You… will be alright… Noa… Does not break… promises.. Anaya… Soona know… So my Echo… should know that…”

There was a jolt against him, barely detectable in normal circumstances but given the heightened and intense nature of the atmosphere that surrounded your two bodies, Noa felt it. The shift of your breathing from shallowed to lesser so, the windy nature of your mouth breathing so relaxing despite the call for water to coat your throat, words unable to seep through, barely able to draw into the twinkling dawn that was drenching the landscape and rained from the leaves above to case your form with delectations of shadows that appeared to dance with the most gentle of breezes.

Noa was afraid to look up at your face as he nuzzled himself further into your chest, clutching at your back with his damaged right side as tightly as he could in case you were slipping away from him. Soona, Dar… Too late, he figured, seeing Eagle Sun fly himself to a perch on the fallen over tree nearby. “Too late, Sun…”

“N…”

His ear prickled.

“N… No… Noa?” There was a dreadful wheeze in your throat, your eyes pressed together from mud and tears that clotted right around your eyeline and cemented them shut. “Noa.”

“(Name).” He’d never sounded so desperate, slightly envious of anyone who had a neck that was able to move quickly as Noa found his actions too slow to bring his head up to gaze down at you. The Ape spoke again, this time more clearly. He was dead; he had to be there was no way… Noa churned his head forward to stifle a condensed cry. “(N-Name).”

Your name sounded so strange… Muffled like you had sand in your mind that was pouring itself into an hourglass. The countdown was unknown as your stiffened arms attempted to move first and you found your fingertips touching coarse fur. If you had it in you to smile, you were sure that was the expression on your face as you carded your way into it, “I can---... I can’t bre… Breathe…” As evident from the wheezing, Noa figured and grasped the side of your face, urging you once more like you had for him hours ago to just… Look at him. Once. That’s all he needed, all Noa wanted as he felt the hand that had flushed into his fur touching at his bare skin, inches below the coating of warmth he had all around his entire body. “Can you…” Noa’s hot breath felt good against your cold cheeks, “Look at me?”

“Mm….” Grumbling that deeply inside of your throat, you knocked your head from side to side and was ardently reminded of the suffering that followed suit as you cried out, grasping a handful of his fur tight between his fingers. “Did th… the… clan….”

Noa laughed at that, trying to keep himself steady for you at the sick and twisted irony that you were more worried about the Clan than even yourself. “We… are all safe… all… In the woods. I have… Soona, Mo-Mother coming to help.”

“Noa…” You crinkled a bit of a soft sob, feeling the prickle of them against your eyes that gave enough lubrication for you to open ever so slightly to look at him through the peaked crusts. How you wished you hadn’t as you cried out again, this one more straggled against him. The light burned at your dirty retinas, the visual of Noa’s tattered shoulder still severely fresh in your mind, “I-I’m so…--- So sorry…” “Stupid Echo to apologize.” You whimpered at that. Some attempt at a laugh it was, it was pitiful in all descriptions of the word and tapered into a dull sounding whine. “Sounds li-like Anaya… Not Noa.”

“Well, Anaya stupid too…” Noa uttered and began tracing your bottom lip with his thumb. Slowly, back and forth and it was a bid to get you to at least smile at him rather than staying solemn of emotion as if you were unable to differentiate that in your mind. “Got hit over the head… He… is okay,” Noa knew you were going to ask that, guilt already laden in your stance against him as you were trying to pull yourself up from the tinkering of your injuries. Soon, Noa’s hold on you told him, Dar and Soona would be here soon to look you over to make sure you were alright… “You… are okay? I thought you… were gone… I could not… feel you with me anymore…” Parting your lips felt energy wasting as you did just that, your lips ghosting over a few words. You wanted to confirm to him that you were essentially dead. That you wanted to be if it meant that he was safe, the cough that split from you was nothing short of ghastly as blood poured itself onto your chin, Noa looking at the darkened color with innate fear and desperation to protect you as his fingers wiped it off and smeared you like you were wearing the more delicate casing of paint. “Should not speak… Should not… move… Hurt… Don’t know how ba… badly…” “You---” There was a pause as Noa admired your fluttering eyelashes, bringing his mouth down to trickle right against him and that… Garnered him something, finally… A smile and a chrotle from the back of your throat at the feeling as you were reaching to the highest Heavens now to get your senses back. “N-need to know before I go…” “Don’t say that.” Noa was firm and kissed your lids slowly before dragging his face down to hover parallel to yours. “Please… Soona… Mother…”

“I’m sor…sorry for everything.” Coughing again, you were fast to bring your entire body upwards as a reaction to the shooting pain that was lining along your ribcage. Noa moved with you as one, grasping at your back and keeping you sitting up. “No… Where I’d rather be than wit… with you… Right now.” “Stay with me…” “I’m so tired, though…” Noa slid the hand from your back to hold the back of your neck so he was able to stay face to face with you as you leaned against his good shoulder, taking in the delicious way that your body so willingly conformed against his own. “I ha… had dreams… earlier…”

Noa felt his jaw twitch watching in wasteful sorrow as your mouth fell ajar, breathing slowly and softly for him. “Tell me… Everything…”

“About us,” Blood was seeping from your mouth, Noa swallowing hard as with each word, a bit more came down and coated at your throat. “Y… think we cou… Could have… made it?”

“Always.” The Ape was so self-assured with that as he drew his mouth against yours, barely grazing, barely indented but it was there and your lips responded every so flatteringly to the motion. As quick as he was there, Noa was pulling away with your blood against his lips. “I need… you to stay with me here… Please…” He whimpered.

“Y.. know… I never… Felt romantic love…”

“(Name).”

Cracking the smallest of smiles that were thrusted with nothing more than bloodied intentions garnered in the heat of saving someone you loved, you laughed bitterly. “You… made me re… really see it… Feel…” The fingers that you had in his fur carded themselves once more as if you were savoring the feeling for the last time, “Noa… I can… Can’t thank you enough fo…”

“Please.” “Say it to me… Please…”

Noa snarled at you, not intentionally but out of slacked self control. “Not until you come back to me completely…” “Yo… you stubborn Ape.” Laughing again hurt as you drew your body into his own, your chest collapsing against Noa’s scorned fur there. 

“Yo… You know how I feel.” Noa was quiet as you tucked your face into his neck and sniffled lightly. “You ar… Were meant to be mine, you cannot leave… me like this…”

“You kn-know how… I feel…” Your voice was muffled against his thickened fur as you squeezed your eyes shut at the feeling of pressure inside of your chest. “Mated…” “Always.” “Yo-You would take me as a Human?”

“Human?” Noa asked and shook his head adamantly at your choice of words. “You are my Echo… and I will take you… Part of my Clan, part of me…” Looking up, he caught eyes with Soona and Dar who were now just coming up the embankment and captivated a look of approval at their arrival. “I will be with you… You need to stay with me…”

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[crackedhrglass]

i got this ask on my strawpage and was gonna type it up in my notes app and post it to twitter, but i really couldn't figure out a way to say it concisely, so i'm answering it here bc it's prob gonna be long lol.

do i think stancest is actually canon? simply put, no. despite how often i'm like "STANCEST IS CANON!!" i truly don't think that AH and the writers intended stan & ford's relationship to be seen through an incestuous lens.

their relationship is def the heart of the show, second only to dipper & mabel's own bond. they are the center of each other's worlds, their story & character arcs revolve almost entirely around each other, and their happy ending is literally the two of them sailing off into the sunset to spend "the rest of their days" together (ford says this almost word-for-word in journal 3).

but i still don't think all of that was meant to be taken romantically.

in my opinion, where things start to get a little weird is, surprisingly enough, ford's relationship with bill.

the rest is under a cut bc HOLY SHIT this got longer than i expected.

there's no denying that bill was written to deliberately parallel stan in a number of ways, from his mannerisms, to his conman status, to the fact that he calls ford the same name stan did when they were kids.

he's written in a very intentional way that makes him serve as both stan's parallel and his foil, especially in their respective relationships to ford (bill feeds into ford's ego and encourages him to aspire for greatness alone, stan has always been a direct obstacle & challenge to ford's ego, accidentally ruining his chances at WCT & encouraging him to live out their childhood dream together; bill valued infinite power over his own family and destroyed his dimension as a result, stan valued his family over everything, and saved ford and his dimension as a result).

normally, this wouldn't be that big of a deal to a stancest shipper like myself. but as the book of bill & the accompanying website all but confirmed in big, flashing neon lights, ford & bill have a romantic history and are exes.

having the two people closest to ford be compared to one another is one thing. having ford be drawn to bill because of how similar he is to the brother he secretly misses is one thing.

having ford be romantically involved with said character is what makes me raise an eyebrow lol.

again, do i think ford is literally a brocon who's got repressed sexual/romantic feelings for stan?

no.

i do, however, think he has unresolved Brother Issues that led him to subconsciously find comfort in a romantic partner that reminded him of stan (right down to bill calling him stan's nickname for him) in much the same way a person with "daddy issues" may seek out affection & intimacy from someone who reminds them of their father (or is just "fatherly" in general).

that much, i believe, was actually intentional. it's just too blatant to not be lol. it'd be a completely different story if either

bill & stan were nothing alike (untrue) or

ford & bill's relationship was strictly platonic and didn't have any romantic implications (also untrue)

i've said this before, but this isn't just a case of "oh, ford fell in love with someone who just coincidentally reminds him of his brother." bill's use of the nickname "sixer" during their first encounter was a deliberate attempt at appealing to a part of ford that was repressed, vulnerable, and aching, in order to get ford's guard down and make it easier for ford to trust him, and it worked.

billford is a ship that, to put it bluntly, would not exist without ford's buried feelings for stan, even disregarding shipping/incest/etc. ford's desire to be close to stan even platonically is what allowed bill to needle his way into ford's heart in the first place.

and all of this wouldn't be that weird if, again, bill hadn't continued to feed into ford's longing for stan even after they'd established a romantic relationship, by still calling him "sixer" and trying to permanently sever the relationship he had with stan specifically, once he and ford broke up (the phone call he tried to make while in ford's body that was described in tbob).

to put it another way, imagine if wendy was basically an older, taller mabel, or if any of mabel's crushes were eerily similar to dipper. people in the fandom would def take notice and view it as a little strange. so i don't get how people can look at ford dating someone so blatantly and intentionally similar to stan and think to themselves "ah yes, this is normal. ford is completely Normal and definitely doesn't have any underlying issues whatsoever" lmao

to conclude: no, i don't think ford & stan's relationship is actually canonically romantic, nor do i think ford falling in love with bill was incestuous, necessarily.

but i do think that he had a desperate longing to reconcile with stan buried DEEEEEEP down, and it manifested itself in the form of being attracted to bill, which is probably why he never bothered correcting bill's use of the nickname "sixer" since their very first meeting, or ever expressed that it made him uncomfortable.

[ardafanonarch]

maybe a silly one: thoughts on crablor?

Crab-Lore

For those who have yet to encounter him, “Crablor” is a portmanteau of “Crab” and “Maglor”, i.e., the crab Maglor became after his many ages of wandering the shores in pain and regret. Crablor is fanon. It was born here.

As @faustandfurious wrote in that very post there is no canon about Maglor’s eventual fate. (You can read about the various ways Maglor ended, or didn’t, here).

But the idea of Elven crabification in general does have some basis in canon!

In his writings on Elven fading in Morgoth’s Ring, Tolkien talks about the fëa (spirit) consuming the hröa (body):

As ages passed the dominance of their fëar ever increased, 'consuming' their bodies (as has been noted). The end of this process is their 'fading', as Men have called it; for the body becomes at last, as it were, a mere memory held by the fëa; and that end has already been achieved in many regions of Middle-earth, so that the Elves are indeed deathless and may not be destroyed or changed. The History of Middle-earth Vol. 10: Morgoth’s Ring, The Later Quenta Silmarillion, ‘Laws B’ (p. 219)

This was not, however, Tolkien’s last thought on the matter. In a marginal note on the entry for hröa published in the linguistic journal Parmasan Eldalamberon (Vol. 12), Tolkien revisits the metaphysical implications of Elven fading:

What of a hröa that resists fading? It is not then consumed by the fëa, but compressed by the process of containing it; by which it will in time be overcome, though at great expense to the strength of the fëa, for this at last takes possession of the changed hröa as its ‘casement’.

What?

This note Tolkien clearly did not intend to be seen or interpreted by anyone but himself, and its meaning is rather opaque. What he seems to be describing, however, is a slow process of shrinking and shapeshifting, from body to “casement”, in cases where a hröa resists fading.

Casement as in… shell? As in… exoskeleton? Elves who resist fading become crabs?

Okay, so that probably wasn’t what Tolkien meant, but I can find nothing to contradict it. Let us assume, for our amusement, that the hröa - casement transformation is, or can be, into a crab.

The next question is: Might Maglor have resisted fading?

If one imagines his fate in the published Silmarillion as self-punitive (a reading supported by the alternate versions in which he does in fact commit suicide like Maedhros), it would makes sense that he might resist fading as a sort of release from his punishment. Or perhaps the metaphysics of the Oath had some interference in his ability to fade in the usual fashion.

In which case, Maglor may very well have been one of the Elves who became a crab. Or something like it.

ETA: Happy April Fool's.

[imtrashraccoon]

congrats on 200!! if you'd like, i'd love a gender neutral nightmare/reader <3 dealer's choice on the scenario!

Oh hey, thank you! Admittedly, the implications of this one are rather dark but I hope that's alright... (⁠ ⁠ꈍ⁠ᴗ⁠ꈍ⁠)

Don't imagine your city being devastated by war and losing everything you held dear. How you aimlessly wandered through the rubble filled streets. How the air was thick with smoke and ash. How you found your home completely destroyed.

Don't imagine falling to your knees and sobbing. How you wish it had been you and not them. How you realize that you're completely alone in the world now. How you have no idea how you'll go on.

Don't imagine how a shiver runs down your spine and your heart fills with dread. How you sense him before you see him approach. How he murmurs sympathy at your plight. How his voice permeates your entire being.

Don't imagine his tendrils coiling around your body. How their embrace is almost comforting but how they restrain your movements instead. How he introduces himself as the Lord of Darkness and properly reveals himself to you. How his appearance strikes fear into your heart and how his permanent grin sharpens.

Don't imagine how his claws graze your skin as he tilts your chin up to meet his gaze. How he considers you for a long moment. How he offers to take you away from here and how he'll give you a new purpose. How you feel almost compelled to accept. How you quietly agree as what else can you do?

Don't imagine how he pulls you close and tightens his grip on your frail body. How the darkness seems to encompass and chill you to the bone. How he brings you to his home and gives you a nice room. How he insists that you tell him if you ever need anything.

Don't imagine wondering if this is all too good to be true. How he must want something from you. How he won't explain what he meant. How you get the sense that he won't ever let you leave.

Don't imagine how kind he is to you. How he's there when your nightmares start. How he comforts you and allows you to let everything out. How he insists that you needn't feel bad for venting.

Don't imagine regularly seeking him out whenever you're upset. How he's all too happy to stop whatever he's doing to tend to you. Definitely don't imagine how he pulls you close and rests his skull on your head. How he whispers that you're such a good human and how he's very glad he found you. How you don't know what he means but how you're flattered regardless.

Don't imagine how you feel drawn to him. How you know that he could hurt you but how you can't seem to care. How you can't bear the thought of living without him. How you finally begin to understand what your new purpose is.

First, Previous, & Next Request

[balteus]

Elden Ring SOTE and its consequences have been a disaster for the human race

//j (spoilers ahead)

I'm gonna be honest initially my opinions on the story were pretty mixed, and while that still is the case in some respect, the overall story and its implications have grown on me and made me like certain characters (mohg, malenia, radahn) even more, and add a layer of tragedy to what we know about them from the base game. while i am aware the story overall was forced to bend by the gamedev crunch, I think FS did a good job with the time and resources they had available.

caveats of this post: obviously going to be colored by my own opinions and views I've held abt the story since abt march 2022: that being, Marika is a Nashandra parallel through and through, and Miquella is a benevolent but manipulative hypocrite - "Path to hell is paved with good intentions" the character. I'm aware there's plenty of discourse about the interpretations of these characters but just remember: I have never been wrong ever in my entire life <3

Malenia, despite her overall lack of appearance in the DLC, I personally feel the most about given certain... revelations.

Malenia is a character who has always lacked true agency, lived her life in a state of fighting against the inevitable and looking up for anything to alleviate her suffering and help her push through the sheer horror that was her fate. Very much a white-knuckle-gripping the dirt while drowining in her grave kind of character.

And so... SOTE reveals that Miquella was willing to sacrifice her. It reveals that for all his posturing, his leaving the golden order because of her, Miquella was fully willing to throw his own little sister who looked up to him as a lord and savior, to the wolves. He was willing for her to become the thing she hated most, was willing to order her to do it even, if it meant his plan would inch one step closer to fruition. In sending her to fight against Radahn and which consequently led to her bloom and ultimate decay. and it didn't even work. Malenia lived and fought and died never knowing that her ultimate mission was a failure, that in her blinding loyalty, much like her father's, she destroyed herself. The fearsome "Blade of Miquella" herself, and the dream of her healing she had once shared with her brother, was discarded as easily as a butter knife.

Radahn, on the other hand... man. Isn't it funny how upon being told that Miquella awaited him in his death, the man straight up refused to die for centuries? The entire Radahn festival becomes recontextualized once you realize that Radahn would rather let himself become a rotting, shambling, mindless corpse before he allowed himself to become a part of Miquella's plan. I know some people think he was willingly taking part in the vow - but remember, Radahn had to die for the vow to be fulfilled, as we learn - and knowing everything we do about him - would Radahn abandon the Redmanes, Sellia, the entire Caelid, the land he fought the stars over - would he let them be destroyed for Miquella? He gains absolutely nothing from that transaction.

I get discourse-y here but his death is anything but a warrior's one, if you take that to be the promise Miquella made to him in return. Perhaps in the grand scheme of things, you could say that you're putting base game Radahn to rest, but with the context of the DLC, you're subjecting him to a fate worse than death.

Mohg. Not much to say abt him I'm just really happy Mohgposting is legal now <3 Free my man he did nothing wrong the blood cult was based and mohgpilled actually.

[queenshelby]

THE FUTURE (PART THREE)

Pairing: Emmett (A Quiet Place) x Original Female Character

Warning: Age Gap, Forced Procreation, Past Sexual Abuse, Angst

Three weeks after Caitlyn and Emmett returned to the Island and Caitlyn was afforded some time to settle back an, the Council summoned them for a meeting to discuss some arrangements for them and Caitlyn's fostered children.

Evelyn was on the Council as well, and she was sympathetic towards Caitlyn's precarious position as a young woman who, before coming to the island, had escaped from the clutches of those who had destroyed her life. She could not imagine what Caitlyn was going through now that, due to her age, she was asked to partake in the procreation program and, therefore, tried to help her as much as she could. 

Emmett also understood Caitlyn's plight, and he sympathized with her even though he was usually rather harsh and private.

He had known loss, pain, and sacrifice himself, and as he witnessed the vulnerable young woman navigate her own struggles, which somehow made him soften a bit. Despite his reservations, he agreed to move in with her and act as a guardian to her children. Essentially, he was to play the part of father and lover without actually being neither, but the Council did not know this, other than Evelyn who was privy to Emmett's plan.

"Emmett," one of the members of council began to speak. "It is our understanding that you have agreed to be paired with Caitlyn and, considering her youth, we expect this collaboration to yield results quickly, as per the new procreation program," the representative decreed, bringing forth a chuckle.

"You fucking people," he sighed, rubbing the crease between his brows. "Why someone would go through the trouble of reproducing when we can barely offer a decent life to those who already live here is beyond me but, yes, I agree to be paired with Caitlyn," he exclaimed, making his position clear. 

The air in the room grew heavy with tension, intensifying with every word he spoke and a ripple of unease crept through the Council's ranks, challenging their demands and causing uncertainty to bubble beneath the surface. Evelyn observed the exchange silently, proud of Emmett's defiance and confident in his abilities to navigate the challenges that lay ahead and, yet, she had to caution him.

"Emmett, we need your assurance that you will comply with the program," she emphasized, trying to maintain a semblance of normalcy, causing him to sigh again. 

Then, Emmet nodded nonetheless, understanding the implications of his earlier words. Being paired with Caitlyn meant that she was safe from other men who might abuse her just like the men on the mainland did before she was rescued. This was not something Emmett wanted for her and, as thus, he agreed to comply.

"We will do our best," he then reassured the council while you sat there, silently, nodding and wearing a forced smile. You tried to hide how you felt about this arrangement, but the subtle glint of distress in your eyes gave you away. Yet, you silently hoped that this would be enough to keep you safe from the prying, and at times malevolent, eyes of those that ruled over this strange island.

The meeting carried on for a while, as they discussed all the details of your new living arrangements and it was decided that Emmett had to move in with you and make available his cabin on the beach for new arrivals.

You were also told that you had three months to fall pregnant, failing which you would be paired with someone else. 

Emmett observed the distress etched on your face, knowing the immense anxiety this news provoked. But like the strong and resilient woman you were, you reframed the situation in a different light. Three months was enough time to devise an alternative plan. Three months meant you could continue working on your farm, growing food for the community. Three months was enough time to consolidate your relationship with Emmett, forging a friendship that could ultimately buffer the emotional storm that was about to unleash upon you.

And this is exactly how you chose to look at it, on the outside at least.

***

That same day, Emmett brought his belongings to your house

. You watched as he carried his bag, taking in the sturdiness of the worn leather, the way it hung from his shoulders, remnants of a once simpler time before everything changed, before the world as they knew it collapsed.

"I will take the floor," he signed, rolling out the swag in the living room which is where you too were sleeping. In the corner of the Livingroom there was a small bed which was yours and in the one small single bedroom next to it, the two boys were sleeping on mattresses on the floor. You had no kitchen and only an outdoor shower. Your house was simple as you had built it with your own hands, but Emmett did not seem to mind. 

It was a roof over their heads, after all. He nodded approvingly as he surveyed the small but cozy home. Despite the austere conditions, Emmett could not help but appreciate the tranquility of your surroundings.

"You did well here, Caitlyn," he complimented, as you watched him shed his worn-out jacket, revealing the muscular contours of his upper body beneath. The cuts and creases on his arms were fitting reminders of the life you both led on this island.

Though Emmett was a seasoned survivor, Caitlyn wondered if he was capable of fathoming the inner turmoil you harbored as you navigated your complicated existence on the Island.

Emmett's eyes fell on the crude drawings that adorned every vertical surface of your wooden walls. They were children's stories, representations of their lives that your two boys had curated. He smiled warmly at the simplicity of their stories, the pure joy and imagination they conveyed.

They reminded Emmett of his own children who had died on the first day of the invasion and his look softened almost instantly.

His thoughts were miles away, lingering on the memories of their soft laughter, beaming smiles, and his heart caught in his throat with a longing so deep, only the silence of their world could contain it.

But things were different on the Island. Life was fragile, but Emmett had learned to be resilient. It's all about adjusting to new situations, and this was one of them.

Reaching for his bearded chin, you made him look at you as, clearly, he was lost in his own thoughts right now.

"Thank you," you signed, grateful for his genuine show of support. "I truly appreciate it."

Emmett met your gaze, his piercing blue eyes radiating strength and resilience, as well as a shared understanding. "You are welcome, Caitlyn," he signed back sincerely. "But don't expect too much from me," he went on to add, his wry smile serving as a reminder that, despite his strong-willed appearance, Emmett still grappled with his own demons and unresolved issues.

"The boys are your responsibility, and I will stay out of your way wherever I can and I expect you to stay out of mine," he continued, his hands swiftly conveying his message, as Caitlyn studied him with equal parts curiosity and suspicion.

His blunt honesty startled her, and she found herself struggling to respond, until eventually, she nodded her assent. "Understood." She knew that he did this merely to protect her and this was enough for her to be grateful to him.

It was a sham they were running for the sake of the procreation program and she had no intention of falling pregnant. Living with Emmett saved her from being abused by other men and offered her a measure of protection which, at least for now, was all that mattered to her.

To be continued...

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[hotchocolatefanfics]

Pretty pretty PLEASE give me a au where Koba , getting lost in his PTSD yelling “HUMAN WORK”

And when Ceasar stances up this time? (If he does?) perhaps Koba gets a bit emotional- and gets consoled like he needed in the moment instead-

(If Ceasar and Koba were that close it’s what should’ve been done 😭)

Sorry for the late reply, I really wanted to write this out! :D

"Human Work"

The banging of rock against metal did nothing to comfort him. Even as he watched Rocket and Ash destroy the guns, all Koba could think about what was those weapons meant. What they could do to the apes. 

Being shot by those things would be a quick and merciful death…But humans could do far worse than killing an ape…

…Cages…Bright rooms…Needles…Blood…

Grey, who was sitting next to him, was trying to get his attention but Koba didn’t notice. Despite being close to a fire, the bonobo felt cold all over. Just like he did all those years ago. 

The longer he sat, the more he thought and the longer he thought, the sicker he felt… 

…Something in his mouth…Vomit…He couldn’t breathe!

He couldn’t take it anymore! Koba got up and made his way over to Caesar. That sick feeling in his stomach giving way to frustration at the ape king. He knows what the humans could do to the apes, HE SAW them kill apes! Hurt apes! But he gives them a chance anyway?!

“If they get power, they’ll be more dangerous!” Koba blinked and he was now standing in front of Caesar. Signing angrily at him but somehow still coherently.“Why help them?!”

“They seem desperate.” Caesar replied simply. Koba had to stop himself from scoffing at him. “If we make them go, they’ll attack.”

They’ll attack anyway, you fool!

“Let. Them.” Koba said out loud before quickly signing. “We’ll destroy them while they’re weak.”

They could do it. The humans were stronger when they escaped and they still defeated them. Sure, the goal was to escape rather than kill but they still fought the humans. 

The image of Jacobs falling into the ocean came to his mind. One of them many humans that made his life miserable. Koba had killed him. He was gone now. He could no longer hurt him, or any other ape, ever again.

That memory usually gave the bonobo a sense of peace and relief, but it did nothing for what he currently felt. 

And it was only made worse by the frown on Caesar’s face. “And how many apes will die?”

His words stuck with Koba. Apes would die anyway, regardless of how and when humans attacked, but that did not mean the bonobo didn’t care. 

He just did not want anyone to suffer. Not like he had suffered.

Caesar might not have meant it that way, but the implication that he didn’t care if the apes died made a lump form in Koba’s throat. 

“We have one chance for peace…” Caesar went on. “Let them do their human work. Then they’ll go.”

Human work.

That cold, horrible feeling came rushing back. All his life Koba struggled to understand what was happening to him but Caesar, unknowingly, just summed it up in two words.

“Human. Work?” He asked.

Caesar didn’t respond. Which Koba took to mean that he didn’t care. The thought that he didn’t would have cut deep into his soul but Koba couldn’t focus on that. One moment he was here at the Ape Village, the next in a cage. 

“Human work.” He pointed at the scar behind his ear. Both of his ears felt hot right now. Why was it getting hard to breathe again? He felt as if something was covering his whole nose and mouth, preventing him from getting any air. 

“Human work!” His voice was a little louder when he pointed at the scar on his arm. The sharp pain he felt came rushing back to him. How they strapped him down on the table. Their shiny objects cutting into his skin! 

Blood. HIS blood, just spilling everywhere! 

“HUMAN! WORK! HUMAN WORK! HUMAN WORK! HUMAN WORK!” 

The scar on his face and his blind eye, the ones Tommy caused. Humans in the labs messed with his eyes too. Blurred vision. It stinging to blink…

His whole body was covered in scars. His back, his legs, his stomach! All the ways they mutilated him, destroyed him. He wasn’t in the village anymore. He wasn’t in the forest at all. He was back on that table. Ripped and torn open and bleeding and humans standing over him. 

Back to his cage. Back to being his cage! Maybe he never left it. Maybe this whole time he was dreaming. 

Pain. There is just no escaping it. 

They restrained him. Holding him tighter and tighter. His arms, his legs, his whole body. Keeping him still, preventing him from thrashing around. Any moment now, one of them will stick him with a needle or cut him open again and-and-!

“Koba! Koba! Koba!” 

Caesar’s voice cut into it. Slowly, what he thought were straps that held him down became arms. Fury, strong arms. Despite the warmth around him, Koba was shaking and his teeth chattering. His throat hurt from yelling so much. 

Blinking, the world began to stop spinning. He was back at the village, as if he always had been. He had never left. 

And Caesar was holding him. Not just hugging him, but had his arms wrapped tightly around the bonobo. When Koba looked at him, his frown was gone. The expression on the chimpanzee’s face was softer, gentler. Worried. 

“I’m sorry, Koba.” Caesar signed with one hand. He knew Koba was the least likely ape to trust the humans but he had failed to think beyond that fact. It made sense that Koba’s trauma would show itself, with everything going on. Not helped at all that the humans were within their territory.

But he saw it now. Koba wasn’t just angry at the humans. He was scared of them.

Caesar put his hand on the scarred bonobo’s cheek. He was still shaking but he seemed calmer now. 

“I promise.” He looked Koba in the eyes. “I will not. Let them. Hurt you again.” 

He wouldn’t let the humans harm any of the apes but Caesar knew Koba especially needed to hear this. To know that he was safe.

Koba blinked and felt something roll down his cheeks. It came in waves and only slightly blurred his vision. He wrapped his own arms around Caesar and laid his head on his chest. His soft sobs muffled by the chimp’s fur. 

All he was feeling before. All the anger, the hate, the frustration, and panic. And all the pain. It all came out in the form of tears. Koba would normally find openly crying like this embarrassing, an awkward and clear sign of weakness but he couldn’t stop even if he wanted to. 

He couldn’t even tell if he was crying for himself, for all the pain he felt in his life, or for the intense and freeing relief he felt in his chest. Relief that Caesar did care. That he will protect him despite him never asking him to. 

The apes had been watching this whole time but, out of respect for the scarred bonobo, went back to whatever they had been doing before. Staring with Rocket continuing to slam a rock into a gun and Maurice assuring anyone who asked that Koba was ok. 

Only Blue Eyes kept watching Koba. Though the young prince had never seen his honorary uncle in such a state before, he didn’t think less of him for it. Rather, seeing him like this made Blue Eyes realize how much his past affect him. 

Koba always seemed so strong to him. Untouchable, like his father. He took pride in his scars but the circumstances of how he got them still caused him pain and Blue Eyes never knew that until now.

Caesar once told him that Koba only learned hate from humans but Blue Eyes disagreed with that. Hate wasn’t the only thing. Humans also taught Koba that he was nothing. That he had no control, not even of his own body. The he was just an object for them to destroy, manipulate, and break apart.

…That he was broken.

He felt so sad for his honorary uncle. Sad and horrified that he went through all that.

Sniffling, Blue Eyes crept over to them and wrapped his arms around the two. He still loved and respected Koba and he would make that clear to the bonobo everyday from now on. 

Koba hardly noticed Blue Eyes joining them. The feeling that overwhelmed him now only growing as he got lost in the comforting embrace of his friend. 

That he was safe. Finally, at long last, Koba felt truly safe. Maybe even loved if he dared to believe it.

[shhhhimwatchingthis]

one thing that's fascinating about the world building of Nimona I've been thinking about is...what did the knights do in this society for 1000 years?

we're told they are meant to fight and kill monsters, to protect the city. but the twist in the film is that Nimona was the 'monster' from a 1000 years ago. additionally her journey is all about her finding a place to belong because there is no one like her.

so the implication is there are and have not been any other monsters/attacks.

so you have a group of elite knights, trained from childhood with a mission passed down to their children. the elitism is important here because Ballister's entry into the ranks is seen as such a threat. but none of these knights have ever actually fought a monster. they're just a small group of elite families holding onto to their wealth and power by making people believe their swords are needed (remember we know they aren't and never were)

so what do the knights actually do? they are treated in story like celebrity athletes. they do endorsements and commercials. there is also a lot of allegory to them being cops (mostly in the critique of their over zealous training/use of force, Ambrosius not just disarming Bal but ...well literally dis-arming him, the Director being able to destroy evidence of her corruption by claiming Bal has a gun and Todd shoots before he verifies this)

its fascinating world building because the social role of the knights in this society literally impacts the plot. the reason Ballister being a commoner and being allowed to hold a sword is a threat is because suddenly their special culb where they get all the wealth, adoration and importantly get to hold the swords without ever having to actually fight a monster is threatened. suddenly their club where they get all the power with no actual work isnt so special anymore. suddenly the director realizes the queen , who should on paper be the person she is most loyal to has to go. cause the queen isn't treating them as special anymore.

[bycaprinae]

I was watching Reel james interview with Aaron and there he pointed out that in the scene where we learn about Aaravos' prision, there's actually a giant corpse burried there. It was a hidden element and apparently important to the story, enough to be connected to Aditi being "swalloed" but not in the way we might think! I feel like we might know who that corpse belonged to, so I'd like to connect the dots and present to you all my theory.

Being straight foward, who do i think that corpse belongs to? Leola. Why? And why that matters? I'll present my case:

I think that the Startouches are Gods that created the world of Xadia, both human, dragons and elves. Aaravos and Leola were close to one another (as friends, family or lovers?), but Leola was the first one out of the two to pity the humans. Leola cared for humanity and Aaravos cared about Leola. Leola then decides to help the humans, maybe she tried to act under the radar and disguised herself as a unicorn, so the others Startouches wouldn't find out about this, as the humans were MEANT to be weak and suffer.

But soon after, they find out that Leola gave humanity magic, and decided to punish her for it, leading to her death? And because Aaravos was close to her, but not the one that defied their plans, he was spared by the others, but casted out to the world of Xadia, unable to go back to his people, and stripped away from his original status and power. Filled with bitterness, he plotted his revenge, to undo and destroy all of the other Startouches creation from inside out, by the hands of humanity, the ones that Leola pitied, the ones that the others despised, and in the process he got closer to humanity, learned their culture, their ways of doing things, he learned the love that Leola held for those creatures. She was prometheus and he was Lucifer!

If it wasn't obvious, I think the Startouch can shapeshift, I think they're actually massive beings, and both the skelleton and the statues are actually their original sizes!

Some of it is just pure headcanons because I don't have strong evidences, but here is what I do have:

Recently we learned from Aaron that the Startouch elf we see in the opening is actually named Leola!

It came as a surprise because Leola was also described as a unicorn, but not just any unicorn, the very one that gifted humans with primal magic. This is information comes from Tales of Xadia Handbook:

And when I read that tweet from Aaron, I immediately went to check that info on Leola, because I never actually read the handbook, and I was puzzled when I found a screenshot of that text and also the information on the wiki about unicorns, because in both wiki and the handbook is only written that "the elves" warned the unicorns, but WHICH elves? I distincly had the memory of it being the FIRST elves (aka, Startouch Elves), and then today I remembered where that info came from!! Is from book one: moon prologue!

Previously I theorized that "Ripples" is not a story about how humans came to wield Dark magic, but actually a story BEFORE they even learn that. The reason for that is the choice of words used to describe the magic.

"Precious primal flames" "undeserved power", such words used to describe what they had and what was destroyed. And then there's the implication that Aaravos' plan was to have the destruction of the Startouch empire come from the hands of the very humans they once despised so much.

The next logical thing to get from Ripples was that it described the birth of the Sea of the castout, caused by none other than Aaravos falling from the sky! The short story describes a small star falling down, changing the world, birthing a new sea.

It HAD to be Aaravos right? He's a fallen star! But he wasn't the one that gifted humanity with primal magic, through primal stones. He was the one that gave them the Dark magic. Back then I thought that maybe he was the one to do it, but if Leola and Aaravos are connected, then ripples might be about Leola's passing/falling.

Cookiesaddict made a post pointing out the possible connections of Aaravos and Leola, you should read it, but to summarize the points. Once in the NYCC this question was made:

Cookie suggested that this person might be Leola. During the S5 watch party I asked Devon if the Statues in the Sea of the cast out were made before or after Aaravos was impriosioned, because people were wondering why the hell would the prision have that GIGANT STATUE almost screaming: HEY, AARAVOS IS HERE!! COME GET HIM!! and this was the response!

Now, we see that statue both in the show and as a sketch, the other elf is known as "The merciful One" as disclosed by Aaron on twitter. BUT HMMMM THAT SKETCH.... LOWKEY REMINDS ME OF... THIS SKETCH....

The one from Ripples!!

Personally I think in S6 Aaravos will tell Viren about Leola, and maybe through that story we'll find out why the hell did Aaravos insisted on having Viren to live until the end, and how their themes/motives are actually more similar than we thought it was. It's not about power, but about what they'll do to save/avenge their loved ones, their family. I also read a theory that the sparklepuff sacrifice was a test on Aaravos part, while I do think that with the theory of mine it might make sense, I also fail to see why would he go to such an extent to test Viren? Maybe Aaravos realizing that Viren is much more of a family driven man than he already knew he was (as he mentioned he wouldn't expect him to sacrifice Claudia or Soren) will be the thing to trigger their interactions where Aaravos tells him about Leola. As things stands now, Viren is the only logical character to be the narrative tool in which Aaravos shares his side of the story. They're the one that have the most intimacy for him to be "vulnerable", and perhaps their final departure will come from Viren trying to talk Aaravos out of his path of revenge, to share the realizations he had with his nightmares, ohhh my god, can you imagine, Aaravos finally is vulnerable, finally shares about Leola, shares his grief, to the one he thought might understand, because they're similar, but Viren is too far into his search for personal redemption, and belittlethe bitterness Aaravos held in for so long. Super ultra gay divorce is coming (in my delusions).

[sillysowa]

Can you do a Hobie x fem!reader having to do with the song Rebel Yell by Billy Idol? I’ve been obsessed with that song lately. Ofc the song may not be Hobie’s style but the lyrics could be quite interesting for a fun night iykyk

(And in the end he would probably start liking the song bc of the good night they had together all because of the implications the song has)

absolutely anon!<3 sorry for the wait.

REBEL YELL!

pairing: hobie brown x fem!reader

genre: angst, fluff, smut

word count: 2.2k

warnings: not proofread! hickeys, vaginal fingering, vaginal sex

authors note: got a little carried away with the angst but don’t worry it has a happy ending!

synopsis: you had promised hobie he’d never see you again, but you both knew it was a lie

—

You told Hobie he’d never see you again…after that night, you were afraid of the grip he had over your mind. He altered with your brain chemistry and made it difficult for you to make reasonable decisions—or so you said. You both knew it was just too much; he was something you weren’t used to. He took his time with you, never expected anything from you, loved and fucked you like he meant it—it was brand new, and you were almost positive it was love.

It had been almost half a year since that night, since you’d last been in that apartment. You missed the smell, the feeling, the love. He treated you so good even until the end. He let you leave because he only wanted you to be happy…

—

“You know i’ll always be here, sweetheart.” Hobie whispered against your skin, his arm over your stomach and his lips on your neck. He had destroyed you all night, and loved you all morning like he does best. His sheets smelled like sex and your perfume and his touch gently broke down your walls. You weren’t ready for it and he knew that.

You got out of his bed, those long fingers dragging across your skin as you left his warmth. Hobie just watched you, dark eyes following your naked figure covered in hickeys and small bite marks that he had given you throughout the night. You slipped on your clothes, adjusting them in the mirror when you noticed Hobie in the reflection. You hadn’t realized he had gotten out of bed, his hands coming to your waist and his eyes boring into yours through the reflection. He looked beautiful, so peaceful in the dark night hours with you.

“If you truly want to leave me…m’not stopping you…but i’ll never stop loving you Y/N.” He whispered the confession that had weighed down his tongue for far too long into the air, his heart tearing apart at the sight of you so conflicted in his arms, under his touch. You kissed him one last time before you grabbed your bag and you left, telling yourself that you would never get this close to hurting yourself again.

—

You were ready for him now, speeding down the highway in your car. Your red heels pressed on the gas, not even needing the directions because how could your brain ever forget this drive? You would always know the turns and twists to Hobie’s place. You pulled up on the side of the road under the illumination of a street lamp, checking yourself over one last time in the mirror before you opened the car door, stepping out into the chilled summertime air. This was it.

As you took the stairs up, your heels echoing around you, you thought of what you would say. “Hey Hobie, sorry I was too scared to be with you because you’re the only person i’ve ever truly loved, wanna give it a second try?” There was really no easy or casual way to get back into his life you imagined—you were worried you hurt him—maybe even so bad that he wouldn’t want you back. God, what if he has new girl? What if he was over it? Your fists clenched as you walked to his floor, your heartbeat pounding like a bass drum in your ears. You could hear music bleeding out from behind his door, and your heart rate kicked into high gear as the far away tune became distinct—clearly, you had left your Billy Idol vinyl at his place the last time you slept together—six months ago. He had always teased you about your taste, saying Billy Idol wasn’t as good as you claimed, but he only did it to see you get all frustrated and petty. He loved everything about you, even your music taste…so when you left him that night and he had to sit in the silence of your absence, he held onto the last piece left behind that you had ever been there—your vinyl.

You heard it now, the racing guitar of your favorite song making the fine hairs in your ears stand up, your hand raised to knock pausing outside his door…he was playing along. Hobie was playing along so well you could barely even notice the added guitar. You felt a surge of emotions flood your veins, your knees weakening. With squinted eyes and a sigh, you pulled yourself together.

You tapped your knuckles against the door, your entire body trembling in anticipation.

—

Hobie rolled his eyes at the sound of knocking on door, preparing himself for a noise complain even though he had turned the music down significantly. He really missed you tonight…it had been so long. He couldn’t help it when he wanted nothing more than to drown out his emotions with something you had loved him to.

“I’m coming.” He groaned.

—

“I’m coming.” His muffled voice rasped behind the door and you could’ve died right there. You wanted to press your cheek against the door and melt through it, you wanted to be his again, you couldn’t wait any longer for him to open that damn door. God, you prayed you looked good…

—

With heavy steps, Hobie cracks his sore neck and unlocked his door, opening it and revealing who waited on the other side. The tiredness and annoyance practically vanished off his face in an instant as his heart clenched in his chest. It was you. You were standing outside his door with your pretty eyes looking up at his, dressed up and visibly just as nervous as him. He couldn’t speak, so many words coming to mind but none making it out his mouth, he just held the doorframe with his jaw slack,

“Hobie…” You whisper, your red-heeled foot nervously swaying, “I know I told you I was leaving but… I miss you Hobie, and I can’t be away from you any longer...i’m so sorry for running…” You confess, mustering up all the courage you can and taking a step closer to him, gently touching his arm with your glossy eyes locking onto his.

He could have sworn he was dreaming and that you weren’t in front of him right now, but he knew that touch better than anything—you were real, and you were back. He exhaled a breath he didn’t know he was holding in, this weight that had been dropped on him ever since you left lifting off his shoulders as he holds your chin in his hand,

“Y/N my dear, when I told you i’d wait for you, I meant every word.” He whispers tenderly, his thumb rubbing over your lower lip, “Everyday since you’ve been gone, never once doubted you wouldn’t be back. Y’know I love you and y’know that’ll never change, angel.” Hobie whispered under his breath, his long slender fingers holding your jaw firmly as he leans down, both of your breaths mingling before he closes the gap, kissing you like he’s meant to for months.

You lean against him and he stumbles back, holding you through the kiss while fumbling to close the door as you make your way into his apartment. There was nothing in this earth that could match the feeling of Hobie’s love; his lips on yours just like you love it and his hands under your thighs as he picks you up, your vinyl booming through his speakers as he devotes all his passion to you through his pierced lips. The back of your knees met his bed and you gave in to the fall, his arms caging you in. After kissing until your lips felt numb, he broke away only to catch his breath, his eyes soft as gazes at you,

“You’ve changed…” He whispers but he doesn’t sound disappointed or upset, he sounds curious and genuinely happy for you. You smile,

“Just a bit…still like your lips on my neck though.”

He laughs softly through his nose, leaning down and kissing your neck in that way that makes you melt,

“Yeah I know…still my good girl…” He coo’s, his back muscles tensing under his white tank top. He slipped his hands under your shirt, sucking hickeys into your neck and kneading your boobs gently, his long fingers massaging them. You felt your eyes roll into the back of your head, seeing stars from his tantalizing touch. He peeled your shirt off, tossing it behind himself as he worked on your pants, that hungry look in his eyes that made your pussy wet.

“This alright with you, angel?” His hoarse voice cuts through your dreams and heavy desire, and you nod slowly for him. He strips you nude, his beautiful muse on display for him once more.

He dips his fingers between your thighs, his long and spindly fingers that you can’t get enough of. He toyed with your clit before slipping them deep inside you, mocking sympathy at the way you whimper for him. The feeling of his fingers curling inside you makes your thighs shake, and you cry out,

“M-More Hobie! More, please~” You clutch onto his shirt, your heart pounding and your head light as he pumps his fingers into your soaking pussy that greedily sucks him in, tight and warm,

“What do you want, my love? Hm?” He asked, a seductive smile tugging at the corners of his lips as he looked down at you. He knew what you wanted, but God did he love dragging it out of you,

“Please, Hobie, fuck me…” You groaned, your thighs trembling. He laughed,

“C’mon you know you can’t take me without loosening up a bit.” He teases with his voice an octave lower, nibbling on your earlobe as he fingers you faster, the rhythm of the song spurring him on. He decided to stop teasing you when you moaned brokenly for him, his cock twitching in his sweatpants,

“Alright, alright my love.” He shushed you with his lips on yours, slipping his pants down, his cock hitting his stomach fully hard,

“Look…look what you do to me, angel.” He groans, stroking himself, “Turn around for me.”

You did just as he asked, arching with your ass in the air. With his hands on your waist, Hobie thrusted in, filling you up and almost keeling over at the feeling of being back inside you for the first time in forever,

“F-Fuck…” Hobie hissed, his dick dragging against your tight walls like it’s exactly where it’s supposed to be, his pace growing rapid in need. You tremble and scream at how he fucks you. It’s good—so good,

“Yes! Yes, Hobie, yes right there~! Oh fuck, I need you!” You practically sobbed, your throat tight and your pussy squelching around his cock. The sound of skin slapping rang out in his apartment along with the music, a new melody being crafted through your passion.

Your body, mind, and heart needed this more than you could ever imagine. The feeling of Hobie’s touch as he fucked you like this had tears welling up in your eyes, and you couldn’t help but scream for him,

“Hobie! Hobie I…” He broke you down, the feeling of him pumping so deep inside you nearly sucking the air out of your lungs and leaving you speechless. He thrusted and thrusted, your fingers clenching the sheets under you like a lifeline as he filled you with pleasure. You cried for him and he felt his heart throb,

“I know my love, c’mon and let it all out.” Hobie moaned, his skin sweaty and his dick hot inside you. The friction was becoming unbearable and he knew he was going to die inside you if he kept going like this, but he fucking loved it. You unraveled under him, screaming like he was taking your soul as you came, dripping down your thighs and making a mess. Hobie fucked you through it all, your pussy growing sore quickly as he pumped inside. With a desperate whimper he pulled out, cumming all over your back. He stroked every last drop out, sighing at the sight of you pressed against his sheets and looking up at him so sweetly.

He pulled his tank top off and wiped you off with it, tossing it into his laundry and flopping down beside you, pulling you against his chest. ‘Eyes Without A Face’ played softly in his room, as he looked into your eyes. Hobie knew he’d never have to see you walk away from him again by the way you called his name in your after glow,

“Hobie…”

“Yes doll?” He murmured, his hand cupping your face,

“I love you.” You whispered, telling him what he already knew but never thought he’d hear aloud. In that moment, Hobie wished he could have frozen time to just bask in what that felt like. He never wanted to let go of that high. He leaned forward and kissed you softly, just his lips pressed against yours for a second before he held you to his chest,

“I love you more.”

Your vinyl spun to its end soon later, two lovers wrapped up together in the midnight and clinging to each other in their sleep. Hobie felt in his soul that he would do absolutely anything for you—anything to have you in his arms like this every single night, and the would so just that. For now, he would just hold you tighter in his sleep and make love to you all night in his dreams.

—

@ohxx @luxxtuxx @fatenpara @hobesbf @defnot-bri

[caligvlasaqvarivm]

You might’ve already got this before, and I’m asking this in genuinely good faith.

Your essay was very interesting, and convinced me of Erikar as a ship reading. I also really enjoyed your dissection of Eridan as a very honest person drawn into destructive behavior. It very much lines up with his status as a Prince of Hope! One who destroys conviction/belief through conviction/belief.

What confused me was your insistence on the hidden hand of the author. Death of the Author and all that, what’s implied in the text can be taken on its own separate from commentary but you seem to be doing an autopsy— the text implies [this] so *Hussie* must have intended for [this] and then tried to cover it up. If they genuinely thought it was a better ending, why not do it? Why the secrecy, why the feints? I think it’s a little conspiracy-brained to insist on a secret “better ending” that we don’t have author’s word or drafts on.

I’m also a little drifted on your frustration with the deaths of the trolls? You write that the theme of Homestuck— a standard coming-of-age story, a reckoning with society and the exit from youth— is undercut by the deaths of the trolls, because that means they *had* to die, in *punishment*. I disagree. Their deaths are tragic, not just.

Homestuck has a lot of methods of revival, the choice to (for the most part) perma-kill some characters (the trolls for one, and then AR, WQ, and WK) is a deliberate choice to make death mean something. If dying doesn’t mean anything, what are the narrative stakes? Murderstuck marks Gamzee as a threat, Eridan as a tragedy. The deaths there are meant. To be sad. To demonstrate that sometimes kids don’t get to grow up, that sometimes the society they live in cuts them down.

Homestuck is a sad story at times! It doesn’t need an ending where everyone gets to live to keep its coming-of-age conclusion.

I hope this made sense. I’m not trying to attack you, I’m just skeptical of some of your points. I hope you go on to do more analysis in the future!

If you want to believe that, go ahead 👍 again, arguing my points on that front would require its own entire essay, lol, so I'm not really planning to do that as the answer to an ask. The only thing I really want to say here is that while Homestuck is often sad, as you say, its underlying tone is unwaveringly hopeful right up until Game Over/the Retcon, and even kind of beyond that. If you prefer a sad story, then you can have a sad story, but it's just not a reading consistent (to me) with the entire rest of what Homestuck is.

For example, the whole narrative grapples with the debate of predestination vs. free will. Do things happen in Homestuck because they have to, or because characters are making choices? But with the introduction of John's retcon powers, it lands firmly in the "free will" side of the debate: the retcon powers outright defy the power of stable time loops - a reflection of how Breath is associated with freedom and choice. This is the optimistic option.

Another thing the narrative grapples with is the realness vs. fakeness of magic. I don't think it's hard to argue that between LE's "evil wizard" status and Godtier!Calliope's wand-induced black hole that the arrow falls firmly in the realm of magic being undeniably real. This is the optimistic option (and yet another narrative element that Eridan is extremely relevant to).

Moreover, even post-Retcon, there are elements that are kept that soften the tragedy already present in the story - for example, the concept of the Ultimate Self, and the implication that all surviving characters will eventually achieve it, takes the edge off all their doomed and dead counterparts, who won't actually be relegated to double death in the dream bubbles, since in a way, they'll live on through their alpha counterparts. It turns those sacrifices from bitter to bittersweet, and serves as a counterpoint to common takes like John being sad that he doesn't know the version of his friends that exist post-Retcon. The inclusion of it in the post-Retcon story, even with its botched delivery, says to me that Homestuck is still intended to be optimistic at its core, even with the extreme Giving Up that Hussie did.

And let's not forget how Calliope gets to come back to life, no strings attached, and that her stated purpose is only to live. Up to the end, the tone is that of HOPE, and I think there's no mistake that HOPE is supposed to be what defeats LE.

As I said in replies on that post, as an artist, I just can't imagine spending literal years, and literally a million words and thousands of images, writing something that's so thematically and tonally consistent, only to hard swerve right at the end, without extenuating circumstances.

And the thing is, there WERE extenuating circumstances, and they're fairly well-documented.

The kickstarter got funded, and while the story is muddled, we know the production of the game was extremely troubled, and Hussie was having difficulty being a project lead for that while also grappling with everything else. Everything else being, of course, an ever-increasing number of irons in the fire - more third-party artists he had to commission and manage, more merchandise he had to be on top of, bigger updates to sate the demands of the fanbase.

Which, speaking of, was infamously one of the most awful and toxic fanbases to ever exist, and one that Hussie has deliberately attempted to distance himself from since. I can't imagine the kind of daily abuse, harassment, callouts, and worse that Hussie had to endure as Homestuck's creator during the fandom's peak years. I don't blame him at all for turning against them.

Therefore, given the way the tone and themes hard swerve, the way several characters get bent entirely out of shape (you're telling me Karkat had several means before him of bringing his dead friends back and WOULDN'T SAY ANYTHING???), the way several plot threads are simply left dangling in the air, and the way some characters reach really weird and unpleasant conclusions (davepeta, gcatavrosprite), I think it's actually LESS reasonable to assume that the ending we got was the original plan. Hussie saw that to do the ending he wanted to do back in act 4, he'd need to write for a year, maybe two years more, and then looked at his mounting stress and pressure, and looked at the fanbase he'd come to hate, and just went "nope." And I can't even really blame him for it, lol. In his position I'd probably do the same.

Also, please don't mistake "the deaths are undone" for "the deaths will not have mattered" - I think there's a reason that the game over timeline characters still exist post-Retcon. Their arcs don't end with their deaths, and their failures are weights on them that must be narratively resolved - I believe that they go on to be the ones to defeat LE, although I have much less evidence to support this. It just makes narrative sense to me - the post-retcon team focuses down the Felt, various Jack Noirs, and the Condesce - the latter of which is their final boss, as the ultimate representation of the shitty society they're doing away with on their path to creating a new one.

Meanwhile, the dead and "irrelevant" versions of the characters, the ones who grappled with and were harmed the most by what LE represents - immaturity, selfishness, and cruelty - go on to band together after death, and defeat him in the bubbles, a culmination of their vengeance for the havoc he wreaked. And with him being destroyed in the bubbles by the dead and irrelevant, symbolically, he will be rendered nothing more than a bad dream for the waking, relevant, and alive.

Thus Gamzee is still an antagonist, although it becomes (Gamzee) and (Equius) who go on to form LE. Those deaths and those failures still matter, they still happen, they still have narrative weight. Even without the Game Over versions of the characters still existing and still being important, the decision to welcome antagonists like Gamzee and Eridan back into the fold is rendered more complex and more significant BECAUSE we've seen how badly they can go.

The speech originally given by post-Retcon Vriska to (Vriska) is also, to me, a weird artifact of this hypothetical original ending - as it exists within the actual comic, it's said by the wrong person to the wrong person - Vriska with her character development reset to a (Vriska) who's had her characterization destroyed in order to make the first Vriska seem more right. I think originally, it would've come from (Karkat) to Meenah, the latter of which being the one whose idea it was to fuck off with the treasure, and who caused the Beforus team's worst problems, and who has a track record of fucking off whenever she's tasked with taking responsibility. Thus, it would serve as a conclusion to Meenah and Karkat's arc, as well as Game Over Sadkat's arc specifically, would convince Vriska to go with him, and would give Meenah some narrative commeuppance, which would kickstart some sort of Beforan troll feelings jam that would rally them together to actually be useful for once in their lives/afterlives and contribute to the LE fight.

Again, if you PREFER the sad ending, I can't stop you, but the reason I'm going in on there being an "original ending" that isn't sad is because the sad ending doesn't make narrative sense. Why is the ultimate self speech coming from a combination of two characters that barely spoke? Why is it triumphant that Meenah and character-development-reset Vriska get to be the big goods in the fight with LE? Why do multiple prophecies suddenly get dropped right at the end when all other prophecies DO come true? Why does Karkat spend so long being sad his friends are dead, and also why is he deliberately set up as the Friends Troll (blood = bonds), and then suddenly not care that multiple methods exist for bringing back his friends? Why bother softening the blow of all the dead/irrelevant alternate selves if they're intended to be fully tragic? Why introduce a mechanic that would let them save whoever they want consequence-free and then not use it to do that? Why does Roxy love wizards so much and then not get to meet the wizard boy? Why is the entire rest of Homestuck so carefully crafted, so narratively satisfying, so thematically and tonally consistent, and then all of it goes to shit right at the end?

So yeah lol this is the SHORT version lol this isnt even the LONG version of this essay

[inbarfink]

Flowey is meant, I think, to be a sort of a representation of the Player. He has just slightly less Determination than we do and he was filling up that exact same role before Frisk fell into the Underground. He was the one with the power of RESETs and SAVEs before we came along, so he was basically playing his own ‘prequel’ to Undertale over and over

First aiming at getting a 'good ending' -

But since he was unable to see anyone else in the Underground as a real person (what seems to be some sort of combination of the lack of a SOUL, being unable to process his Massive Amount of Trauma and the repeated time-loops allowing him to notice the repetitiveness and limitations of everyone’s reactions) he started moving into choosing crueler and cruller options.

Despite his affinity toward sadistic gloating, it is important to note that Flowey’s main motivation is actually boredom. Although he will only open up about it to Chara, the real reason why he’s out to harness the power of the Human SOULs and destroy everyone - essentially his equivalent to a Murder Route - is because destroying the world is the one last thing he hasn't done yet. The one option he hadn't seen yet.

Which mirrors the mindset of many who start on the Murder Route, as Sans himself points out.

Important to note here is that despite Flowey talking about how he ‘killed everyone’, he never actually completed his ‘Murder Runs’. Like both in the sense that he never got to destroy the Entire Universe like the Player does at the end of a Murder Route and Flowey tries to in the Neutral Ending, and in the sense that the reason why he couldn’t is because he never got his vines on the Human SOULs before the events of the game. So there must’ve always been someone that stopped him before he got there. The implication is that it was usually either Asgore -

Or Sans, as usual playing the role of a Murder Route final boss -

The fact he could never beat them might have something to do with his plant body being weaker than the Player’s Human body or whatever - but I think it is probably mainly a matter of Determination. Again, he is slightly less Determined than the Player is - so he would logically be slightly more prone to quitting. Flowey is basically equivalent to a Player who has done everything in Undertale but never actually completed the Murder Route cause he rage-quitted at the Sans Battle.

His relationship to Papyrus can also be a mirror to the Player’s. Since Papyrus is the one character who is always willing to befriend the Player no matter the circumstance. In the more dusty Neutral Runs he is characterized as being in the dark (or in denial) about how terrible his ‘friend’ actually is…

And that is basically also the relationship he has with Flowey in the current timeline. Papyrus is the only one who thinks of Flowey as a friend (and, well, the only one to know he EXISTS in this timeline), but he is totally in the dark (or perhaps willfully ignorant) to this ‘friend’ and his true nature.

Meanwhile, Flowey's behavior once he regains his Asriel form in the Pacifist Route mirrors the behavior of a Player who is replaying the Pacifist Route. He became so attached to the Player that he refuses to let the ‘game’ end.

Instead resorting to a plan to reset time and the Player’s memories over and over again, with the Player doing the exact same things again and again -

Just so Flowey won’t have to say goodbye.

That is basically the mindset behind replaying the Pacifist Route after already achieving everyone’s Happy Ending. Within the fiction of the game, you’re ripping them all away from their happy ending, resetting all of their progress - just because you have a hard time moving on from the game, just because you want another chance to play with them.

And the Route ends with the suggestion of a possibility that Flowey might be able to redeem himself and start caring about others again.

Just as a Player might be able to prove a genuine care to the characters on an in-universe level by being able to resist the temptations of the True Reset.

But they also might not…

Flowey is a third-person-POV demonstration to the Player of how a Player-like entity would be like in a video game world. An immortal time god who knows everything about everyone even while no one really knows them. Someone who has experienced every single reaction anyone could have to anything until they have become unable to see others as anything but predictable lines of code. Someone who prioritizes their own sentimentalities for others over these others’ actual desires. Someone who will destroy the entire world just because it’s something they haven’t done yet.

And I think Asriel, as part of this metaphor, is a demonstration of how this concept of the Player as an Amoral Time God within the fiction of the game does not necessarily translate into a condemnation of the actual real-world morals of the actual person playing the game.

Because Asriel and Flowey are the same person. The difference is that Flowey had Consequences-Free Time God Powers and an (supposed?) inability to care about others in the Underground as real people. In other words, Asriel is the self that interacts with the world as the real world - and Flowey is the self that interacts with the world as a Player in a Game. So while Flowey might be a mirror of the Player, Asriel might be closer to who we are in the real world.

And also…

I wonder if the scene where you have a chance to forgive or not forgive Asriel for what he has done as Flowey is also meant as a chance for the Player to self-reflect and forgive or not forgive themselves for the things they did before that True Pacifist Run. You know, whatever characters you might have accidentally or not-so-accidently killed in previous runs, whatever decisions you regret, whatever previous True Resets you might have done… If you believe Asriel can be forgiven (and most players do) for his actions - because he feels genuine remorse and he’s trying to do better now, then the Player can also forgive themself.

Well, outside of one little thing… There is one bad deed the game won’t ‘forgive’ you for. And it is the one thing that the Player can do and Flowey never could…

Finish a Murder Route.

[wovenintosilk]

Hii, hope you're doing well!❤ I'm here to ask for a request (if they are open, if not, just ignore this) for Miles (both the spiderman and the prowler). Okay so, the reader (can be female or gn) is best friend with both Mileses(idk how to write names in English in plural, sorry) and in the Earth 42! Miles' (the prowler) she/they died (how optimistic) before he became prowler but, in Spiderman! Miles' universe she's/they're alive. 42!Miles is in love with her/them and very sad 'cause she's/they're dead. The Spiderman! Miles is not in love with them since he met Gwen and fell in love with her. Also, the reader is super - duper smart and she/they help(s) the Spider Society sometimes with technology and etc for money, but it's not a spider person themselves. So, when Miles Spiderman goes to the wrong universe , the reader also goes there and when Miles (spider) wakes up, she wakes up also tied to a beating thing(idk what's it's name) and she's like "Nah, idk, I can't do pretty much without my tech and you took it" and just chill and calm, not caring pretty much about the situation since she/they can't change it (and if u can, please insert a word fight between Miles the prowler and the other Miles, where the prowler is like "She's a very good person, they did so much for both us, and is alive in your universe and still you choose to fall in love with a person who you may not even see again tomorrow and weren't there for you in your worst time?" And the spidey just tries to convince the prowler to let him go to his universe to save his dad) Thanks and sorry for a request this long 😭(and sorry if u didn't understand something, English isn't my first language) ❤❤

CW: References to Death

F!Reader (Use of She/Her Pronouns)

Word Count: 1300

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A haze hung heavily over your eyes, clouded your vision as you tried to wake up and ignore the harsh throbbing at the back of your skull. Had you hit your head on something? You couldn’t even remember what had happened…

You followed Miles home. What he wanted to do had been dangerous and risky and could destroy everything both of you knew.

But it was Miles. All the times he’d had your back, both in and out of this dimension… you couldn’t leave him to fight this kind of battle by himself. After stepping through the portal, you’d only had a short period when you could look around before something hit you.

You flexed your fingers, surprised to find your arms restrained.

Alright. Damage control then. You could feel the leather pressing against your back so that must mean you weren’t tied to a wall or anything like that. A little shuffling revealed that it was movable to maybe a punching bag?

Which meant you should be able to rotate a little if you just adjusted your weight and… there.

The punching bag swung around as you slowly came to see two expressions staring at you – one panicked and uncertain while the other appeared an uncertain mix of neutral and confident.

But both versions were the same person. Miles.

And they both seemed very surprised you’d woken up.

“I didn’t think I would see you here,” you said, forcing your voice to work so you could croak out something and break the silence. “Uh… either of you, I suppose.”

Quick thinking made you aware of a few small problems with your current predicament. Perhaps largest of which you could see in the purple lighting surrounding you. The lair of the prowler and given the clothing choices of the new Miles, one you might know better than you wanted to.

“She’s alive.”

It was said so simply. Without question or thought. Yet it hit like a punch into your stomach as the implications of the words dug much deeper than you expected.

“Am I not meant to be?”

The Miles you didn’t know, shrouded in darkness and purplish-green hues stepped forward to get a clearer look at you. Something unnatural hung in his expression – it worried you how blankly he watched you. “No,” he eventually said. “No, you’re not meant to be alive in this dimension.”

The twisting feeling in your gut got a thousand times worse as you stared at him. What was that supposed to mean. Had you died here?

“Well,” you said. “I don’t think I’m meant to be dead in my dimension so have no plans to change that.”

“Why did you follow me?”

This time, the question came from the Miles you knew. The one who you’d spent countless hours speaking to. Yet he looked at you as though you’d betrayed him by following him through the portal. Maybe he thought you had.

“Nobody else knows where I came,” you explained. “They… they’re too occupied with everything else to waste time on me.”

“You should have stayed where you were safe,” the new Miles said and you felt like a tennis ball with how much you were being spoken to by both. “This dimension isn’t where you’re meant to be.”

“I didn’t really know that,” you complained. “I don’t routinely look at every dimension and see if I’m alive or not in it. All I did was follow Miles.”

“Then he shouldn’t have let you follow.”

Miles looked rather offended at his counterpart’s comment. “I didn’t even know she was going to do that. How was I meant to stop her if I only found out she followed me a few seconds ago?”

“You should pay better attention.”

You couldn’t help but wince at that, feeling almost validated in your own insecurities regarding the lack of consideration provided by Miles most days. Ever since he learned about the other Spidermen, things had felt somewhat strained between the two of you. After all, you couldn’t swing through the city with him or relate to all the secrecy and experiences of the superheroes.

“I have to get home somehow,” your Miles finally said. “Both of us do, alright? If you let us go, we can help save our dad.”

“Your dad. How is she alive?”

“What?”

The new Miles gestured to you and slowly turned to face Miles. “Did you save her?”

“From what?”

“Then she must not have been with you when it happened. Why? What were you doing instead of spending time with her?”

You were starting to get very confused but something else caught your attention. The build-up of Miles’ electricity, flowing steadily from his touch against the chains. He had a plan to escape from this – if only the other him didn’t notice.

“When did it happen?” you asked. “Maybe I can tell you.”

The date he said meant little to nothing to you. It was fairly recent and if you remembered well enough, you didn’t even see Miles that day. You’d meant to but by the time you arrived, he’d already been long gone with –

“You were with Gwen,” you said and then hurried to add. “She’s another… friend of ours.”

“Another friend from a separate dimension.”

Okay, so there was no getting around that. You nodded slowly, trying not to show how sensitive the topic was. You liked Gwen well enough even though she rarely truly socialised with you.

The new Miles scoffed. “So, he abandoned you for somebody new but I don’t see her here. She didn’t follow him.”

The awkward silence he caused nearly made you wince. Gwen’s betrayal still ran deep in Miles and you knew this topic wasn’t a great choice for right now. Still, you needed to keep speaking to maintain the Prowler’s attention so he wouldn’t notice the escape plan.

“Gwen had other things to deal with,” you told him. “And I wasn’t abandoned.”

“Do you believe that?”

You didn’t. But you weren’t exactly going to turn the attention back onto your Miles right now so you gritted your teeth.

“I’m sorry I died here,” you said.

“Obviously. You weren’t meant to. I tried… I don’t understand how it’s fair that you get to be alive in the dimension where another version of me forgets that you exist. And then you’re sent here and he gets angry at you. Strange.”

A break in the façade of the Prowler. For a second, the emotionlessness changed and you saw an actual response to how you felt.

“I’m not angry,” Miles defended himself. “I just need to get home quickly, alright? This is more important –“

“No, it’s not.”

As though a cruel joke in your favour, you saw a flash of something in the new Miles that you’d always wanted from the one you knew. The look of a person who could have once returned your feelings.

And so, you hesitated in speaking and he turned back to your Miles just as an explosion of electricity sent chain links in every dimension.

For a second, you met his eyes and watched him mouth that he’d be back right before he bolted for one of the windows. Glass shattered everywhere as his counterpart shook his head and bolted after him.

You groaned and rested your head against the punching bag, left alone in a warehouse.

The chains loosened around you and you had only a second to react before you landed on the ground. You winced and rolled your shoulders, turned around to find the last person you ever expected to.

“Come on,” Aaron says. “Boy wouldn’t want you to stay here and wait for him.”

You didn’t know which one he was referring to but without many options, you followed him into a harshly different world to the one you grew up in.