#is that even an option? id assume so

[crows-of-buckets]

For some reason whenever I brainstorm for my eventual solasmance Lavellan I always imagine her leaving on bad terms with him and swearing to stop him no matter what it takes. However. Just had the idea of Lavellan solas and Varric being in a weird love triangle. during inquisiton only Solas and Lavellan would happen, then They break up and Lavellan is with Varric within a year. Queen of moving on or whatever. Cole gets dropped right in the middle of whatever the fuck they've got going on. Rest of the inquisiton is immensely intrigued by them

[bangcakes]

.

[cubone-i-guess]

I did still end up in not knowing how to code hell

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

[beeseverywhen]

god the duality between 'I don't want someone in my house' and 'yeah I'd like my own kids and no way I'm doing that alone'

[totallyblooktacular]

Heh, thank the old Spider Riders blog for that haha. Not a lot of folks remember the, even up here in Canada, where we dubbed it and aired it constantly; though everyone remembers the old game, which people are trying to revive. I've been revamping my own fic on AO3 for a while now, and I think I'm the only person currently writing new content for the show both there and on FFNet lol.

some of this feels a little vague so im worried im not thinking of the same things youre actually referencing, but i still definitely agree.

its a shame not very many people made their own dedicated blogs for it here (i only know like 2 ?) but theyre definitely very helpful for general access to content (official and otherwise), especially when pretty much anything of substance about it is so obscure, so i would say i do owe a lot to at least the one that was kept up here until.. i think just right after i started getting more into it myself, coincidentally enough lol

nice to be able to hear from a fic writer too though!! and that ur still kicking, as well. i havent read a majority of the ones out there, but i’ve been trying to stay pretty on top of some more recent ones being updated, so i think ive been reading it too, good job there!

[seilon]

the waiting re: confirmation that I’ve been hired is actually making me insane good god I need to Know

[rubys-domain]

I'm going to be a chongyun main forever

[thefandomcassandra]

La'zel And Gale Have Good Personal Quests, You Just Don't Like Them As Much As Asterion Or Shadowheart Or Wyll And That Makes Me Sad, Frankly

Every Time You Complain About How Mean La'ezel And Shadowheart Are, I Become More Sapphic And Spitefully In Love With Them Both

[bunnys-kisses]

hi bunny! can i please have cream puffs with a side of tonic water served by max verstappen

thank you love you <33

bakery menu!!

want to submit your own order? then hit up the menu! there are tons of options to choose from! thank you so, so much for all i've received! as for the anon, i hope that you love this! i love the combination of prompts. this is technically a team principal!max au, but not the main one i'm currently writing. this is just a fun little side!

cream puffs ("let me finish inside.") + tonic water (age gap) served by max verstappen (formula one)!!

cw: smut/pwp, team principal!max, team principal au, driver!reader, breeding/pregnancy, pool sex, age gap (20s/40s), unprotected sex, incorrect info about sex (!!)

maybe it was wrong for max verstappen to ogle at his new driver. maybe it wasn't the brightest ides to let her prance around the pool like an excited puppy. people would talk. it didn't help that you were wearing the loosest definition of a bikini, he swore that he saw of your nipples peek out of the top.

you were splashing and laughing the pool, kicking around and having the time of your life. all while max was trying to focus on an email he was writing. but that was hard, about as hard as his cock that strained in his swim trunks.

max prided himself on focus, and integrity. he was a strong drive of a good character. but with you all judgement was clouded.

"c'mon, mister verstappen. let's play mermaids." you said with excitement in your tone. max knew that closest pool you had growing up was the public one in your neighourhood. so to have one all to yourself for the afternoon left like a luxury. even with the large contract you had with verstappen racing, the smallest things excited you.

max assumed at this point in his career that he was used to luxury. he had enough money to start a racing team after years of racing. but, to you, this was all new and exciting. it made max want to spoil you.

max looked up from his phone, "i'm a little busy."

you sighed, you were up against the edge of the pool. he could picture your pretty breasts pressed against the tiles. you said, "it's off season, sir. stop being an over-worker an let's have some fun! all you do is work, work, work!"

"and what is your idea of fun?" he asked.

you looked adorable as you responded with, "mermaids!"

max couldn't argue with that. so his phone was soon left on the table before he took off his t-shirt and ended up in the pool with you in just his swim trunks. your swam over and wrapped your arms around him.

"see, isn't this fun?" you asked as you held him. max believed you were a temptress in disguise. a devil dressed like an angel.

he was in the water for you as you held onto him tightly. you were alluring in the most perfect way possible. he leaned in to kiss you with his hands on your hips. team principals didn't kiss their drivers, but with the high walls around the house. it was your little secret.

you giggled against the kiss, "sir!"

"you're teasing me, angel." he replied as he kissed you more. they got a little more heated as his grip on you tightened. you squirmed a little, but he held tightly onto you. he had kissed you before, usually in private. on the track he usually got his fix where he could.

"i just wanted to play in the water, sir." you pouted. you were a horrible actress, this was the least convincing performance you had done so far.

"i think you wanted more." he replied. he was hard in his trunks as he worked to get your bottoms off to give him easy access to your slick core. you whined and he beamed at you. he knew you so well.

he learned very early on how to read your expressions, your poker face was horrible. you wore everything on your face and on your sleeve. he knew you very well, more than he knew your teammate and other driver.

"mister verstappen." you moaned as he held you in the water.

he got his trunks off and rubbed his cock up against your pussy. it excited him. being in the warm water didn't help either. he said, "let me finish inside."

"but!"

he replied, "you can't get pregnant in a pool." and as a response you wrapped your legs around his waist and with a few tries he sank his cock inside of you. his size was impressive and it made you warm all over.

it felt like a slice of heaven. it felt like home, and it made you moan loudly.

you believed him, so you let him take you bare in the pool at his over priced house in monaco. your hands were in his short hair as he fucked up into you. even at close to double your age, he fucked like a young man. you yanked on his near blond hair and he groaned. just as he knew your body, you knew his. you knew that the famed max verstappen liked to have his hair pulled.

you moaned against one another, the kisses were hot and the noises got louder. you whimpered while he moaned against you. he loved the feeling, the intensity of your fucking. the thought of playing in the water was long forgotten as he moved against you. rutted up into you in a way that made you feel good all over. his face was against your breasts and he could feel your hard nipples through our bikini top.

your back arched with a heated want for the man inside of you. you yanked on his hair a little more as he bit your left nipple through the swimsuit which made your toes curled. he managed to mark you a your breasts a little in the areas that weren't covered by the bikini top. his groaned made you feel hotter.

"please, sir."

you felt amazing. you made a primal part of his brain sing with the idea of having you with him for a lifetime. he yearned for you, he wanted you in ways that only a lover could. to keep you as his. he was close to double your age, but he was deeply in love with you. a marvel on the track and in his arms. anyway he's have you. he's take it, even if it was unprotected sex in his pool.

you held onto him as you rolled your hips. you moaned louder and felt the pleasure course through you. down to your very core. your hadn't met a man like max before and you would never after. you panted heavily and max drank in the feeling. to have you like this, this was what heaven was.

"mister-"

"sh, sh, just call me max. just max, my angel." he said through a tense jaw as he picked up the pace. he wasn't going to last much longer. it wasn't long before you felt the grip of pleasure through you. the heightened feeling of his cock up inside of you. you came with a sharp moan that made max tense up. you always sounded so pretty on the edge of climax.

"please mister! miste-max!" you whined through orgasm and max kept his pace inside of you. your tightness around him almost made him choke on air. it all felt amazing.

"i got you, i got you." he promised. he'd always have you. you were his daring racer, the marvel of his team. his winner. with a few more heavy thrusts he finished inside of you. fucking you without protection felt amazing.

he hoped he'd get the chance to finish inside of you again. he shuddered at the notion, your pretty pussy caked in his cum. he stopped his movements and held you in his arms.

you softly kissed him as he held you for a moment. when you pulled away, you cupped his face and asked, "i guess we're not playing in the pool today?"

-

"adrian!" you chirped as you quickly got into the pool with your son, "you have to wait for me, you know mama can't move as fast as you right now." it was a little harder keeping up with a four year old in floaties while you were six months pregnant.

the little boy was a least smart enough to stay in the shallow end of the pool. max was barely outside when you were in the pool with adrian. he settled your things down while you splashed in the pool with the young boy.

max watched, keeping a keen eye on the both of you. he didn't want his little family getting into too much trouble in the pool. you were no longer his star driver, but you did upgrade to 'wife status'. you recently had gotten a job with formula two which made max happy. it was good to see his former superstar and current wife in demand in the racing field. even if you weren't a driver. your skills weren't being put to waste because you got pregnant a lot sooner than expected.

as you and adrian played in the water, you smiled at your husband. he waved to you and your smile grew. you remarked, "c'mon, honey, we're going to play mermaids." <3

[redgoldsparks]

Transphobia Makes Chest Binding More Dangerous

Chest binding, or wearing anything to flatten the chest in order to appear masculine or androgynous, is one of many ways that transmasculine and nonbinary people can affirm their gender identity and harmonize their physical presentation with their sense of self. Some people bind in order to “pass” as male at times when being visibly transgender could be dangerous. Others bind for the mental health benefits, documented across multiple studies, of being able to move through the world feeling at home in an authentic identity. But despite these life-changing benefits, anti-trans activists focus on the risks of binding, such as shortness of breath, skin abrasions, or shoulder pain, and seek to restrict the practice.

(read the rest of the article below the cut or here online)

Binding scares anti-trans activists because of its accessibility. Unlike hormones, binding requires no prescription; unlike state-ID changes, it requires no paperwork. Binding is often one of the first ways that trans and nonbinary youth who are assigned female at birth can flexibly, reversibly—sometimes quietly under their clothes and unbeknownst to anyone else—“try on” a new gender identity to see how it feels. This accessibility makes binding terrifying to those who want to eradicate trans people from public life. Their usual tricks are powerless to stop binding: there is no teacher they can gag, no librarian they can defund, no doctor they can criminalize to stop people from binding. Unless anti-trans zealots are willing to ban sports bras, bandages, tape, shapewear, or even swimsuits and tight shirts, there is no way to render binding completely inaccessible.

It is no surprise then that anti-trans activists hyperfocus on the health risks of binding, often misrepresenting studies on binding to inflate the physical risks of binding and ignoring the sometimes life-saving mental health benefits. We know because one of us (Sarah Peitzmeier) conducted most of those studies. Tired of seeing statistics from these research studies ripped out of context and weaponized against the very communities who participated in and supported the research, we began to discuss turning the findings from these studies into a book. Breathe: Journeys To Healthy Binding, is a resource for those who have questions and concerns about binding, and for those who already bind and want to do so in ways that maximize the mental health benefits and minimize the physical risk. We want to help people bind in ways that are affirming, yet gentle on the body.

Anti-trans activists who claim to be “protecting” people from the harms of binding by trying to restrict binding specifically and trans people more generally are in fact making binding more dangerous. In our research and lived experience, here are six ways we have seen transphobia make binding far more dangerous than it should be for trans and gender diverse people.

Legislative attacks on medically necessary healthcare

Binding is the only option left to mitigate chest dysphoria in states where best-practice medical care has been banned. Anti-trans bills blocking medical or surgical affirming care for trans youth have been passed in 24 states, with politicians inserting themselves between patients, families, and their doctors. Trans youth who go through puberty early without access to puberty blockers may have to manage severe chest dysphoria for a decade before they are even legally allowed to pursue top surgery, assuming they have the financial resources to access it. We know that receiving puberty blockers, compared to wanting puberty blockers but being unable to access them, is associated with 70% lower lifetime odds of suicidal ideation – so this is lifesaving care. It seems particularly cruel, then, for the same people who advocated for these laws denying healthcare to also attack binding. If anti-trans activists truly cared about the potential risks of binding for trans youth, they would not simultaneously advocate for bans on medically necessary care.

Marginalization in healthcare

Trans patients who do experience injuries or health issues from binding often don’t have access to knowledgeable and compassionate treatment. Even trans-affirming providers generally receive no training in how to counsel patients to reduce their risk around binding, as medical and nursing schools typically see trans-specific topics like binding as “specialty” topics. At worst, providers may be actively prejudiced against trans people. Laws against providing gender-affirming care in 24 states can be interpreted broadly and scare providers from offering any kind of care to trans adolescents or even adults. Binding-related medical issues are thus left to worsen without quality clinical care.

Binding can be necessary to navigate transphobic spaces

Being visibly trans can expose people to discrimination, and binding is sometimes the only way to safely move through a hostile world. It is still legal to discriminate against trans people in employment or housing in 30 states, and trans people are banned from using the restroom that matches their gender in 10 states. Some trans people may present as otherwise masculine but for the appearance of their unbound chest, which would “out” them as transgender. Until we live in a world where people can safely express a range of gender presentations without living in fear of assault or discrimination, binding is essentially the only option for many transmasculine people who need to “pass” for their own safety. These people may also have to keep binding for safety reasons regardless of any symptoms they may develop.

Concealing binding due to stigma increases the risks

The health risks from binding are increased by the need to conceal it. For instance, teens who are trying to conceal their binder from their parents often have trouble washing their binder regularly without their parents seeing it in the laundry. As a result, the dirt and sweat buildup on their unwashed binder predisposes them to skin complications. Without parental support, many teens cannot purchase a binder, which is typically ordered online with a credit card. Some of these teens resort to using ACE bandages, which are more readily available but far more dangerous because they are designed to compress inflammation. One 2020 study by researchers and clinicians at the Children’s Hospital of Los Angeles found that teens with parents who opposed binding were almost twice as likely to have used ACE bandages to bind their chests. Teens with supportive parents had access to safer options.

Restricted access to information on safer binding that does exist

Because discussing gender identity is banned or restricted in schools in 14 states, trans and nonbinary people often struggle to access information about trans-specific issues such as binding. We have a growing evidence base and clinical expertise around how to reduce risk associated with binding—including taking one day off from binding each week, avoiding use of ACE bandages, and stretching muscles and ligaments that may be constricted by binding—but in an era of book bans and gag rules, many trans people have no way to learn these important tips. Instead, they may assume that binding is inherently painful and this is just the price they have to pay, which is unequivocally not true. We now know there are so many ways to make binding safer.

Unmet need for gender affirmation

When there is a gap between how people fundamentally see themselves and how the world sees them, they are more likely to engage in risky (but identity-affirming) behaviors to help close that gap. When trans people are chronically misgendered at work or school and are banned from medically affirming their gender, binding may be one of the only tools they have to affirm their gender. They will be more likely to ignore signs that their body is struggling with the side effects of binding, as they have nothing else to affirm them. Combine this with lack of information about how to bind more safely and lack of healthcare to address problems that emerge, and people can end up with serious binding-related symptoms.

Forty percent of trans adults in the U.S. have attempted suicide at some point in their lives. Binding can help people imagine a future for themselves that feels worth living. As one of our research participants said, “Binding gave me the freedom to exist.”

Many people successfully bind with minimal physical side effects even in today’s world. If every trans person who wanted to bind could do so with a properly fitting binder, while living day to day without fear violence for being visibly trans, all while having access to knowledgeable and affirming medical care (including puberty blockers or top surgery as desired and appropriate), binding could become safer for everyone.

It’s on all of us to create that world. We call on everyone to fight back against anti-trans legislation, disrupt anti-trans hostility, and to support the trans youth and adults in our communities as they become their most authentic selves.

By Maia Kobabe and Dr. Sarah Peitzmeier

May 8, 2024 7:00 AM EDT

Kobabe (e/eir/em) is author of the award-winning and bestselling memoir Gender Queer, the most challenged book in America for the last three years. Peitzmeier Ph.D., MSPH (she/her) is a social epidemiologist and assistant professor in the Department of Health Behavior and Biological Sciences at the University of Michigan. Kobabe and Peitzmeier are the authors of BREATHE: JOURNEYS TO HEALTHY BINDING, a graphic guide to chest binding with real-life stories and research-backed advice.

[rebeccathenaturalist]

An App Does Not a Master Naturalist Make

Originally posted on my website at https://rebeccalexa.com/app-not-master-naturalist/ - I had written this as an op-ed and sent it to WaPo, but they had no interest, so you get to read it here instead!

I have mixed feelings about Michael Coren’s April 25 Washington Post article, “These 4 free apps can help you identify every flower, plant and tree around you.” His ebullience at exploring some of the diverse ecological community around him made me grin, because I know exactly what it feels like. There’s nothing like that sense of wonder and belonging when you go outside and are surrounded by neighbors of many species, instead of a monotonous wall of green, and that is a big part of what led me to become a Master Naturalist.

When I moved from the Midwest to the Pacific Northwest in 2006, I felt lost because I didn’t recognize many of the animals or plants in my new home. So I set about systematically learning every species that crossed my path. Later, I began teaching community-level classes on nature identification to help other people learn skills and tools for exploring their local flora, fauna, and fungi.

Threeleaf foamflower (Tiarella trifoliata)

Let me be clear: I love apps. I use Merlin routinely to identify unknown bird songs, and iNaturalist is my absolute favorite ID app, period. But these tools are not 100% flawless.

For one thing, they’re only as good as the data you provide them. iNaturalist’s algorithms, for example, rely on a combination of photos (visual data), date and time (seasonal data), and GPS coordinates (location data) to make initial identification suggestions. These algorithms sift through the 135-million-plus observations uploaded to date, finding observations that have similar visual, seasonal, and location data to yours.

There have been many times over the years where iNaturalist isn’t so sure. Take this photo of a rather nondescript clump of grass. Without seed heads to provide extra clues, the algorithms offer an unrelated assortment of species, with only one grass. I’ve gotten that “We’re not confident enough to make a recommendation” message countless times over my years of using the app, often suggesting species that are clearly not what I’m looking at in real life.

Because iNaturalist usually offers up multiple options, you have to decide which one is the best fit. Sometimes it’s the first species listed, but sometimes it’s not. This becomes trickier if all the species that are suggested look alike. Tree-of-Heaven (Ailanthus altissima), smooth sumac (Rhus glabra) and eastern black walnut (Juglans nigra) all have pinnately compound, lanceolate leaves, and young plants of these three species can appear quite similar. If all you know how to do is point and click your phone’s camera, you aren’t going to be able to confidently choose which of the three plants is the right one.

Coren correctly points out that both iNaturalist and Pl@ntNet do offer more information on suggested species—if people are willing to take the time to look. Too many assume ID apps will give an easy, instant answer. In watching my students use the app in person almost everyone just picks the first species in the list. It’s not until I demonstrate how to access the additional content for each species offered that anyone thinks to question the algorithms’ suggestions.

While iNaturalist is one of the tools I incorporate into my classes, I emphasize that apps in general are not to be used alone, but in conjunction with field guides, websites, and other resources. Nature identification, even on a casual level, requires critical thinking and observation skills if you want to make sure you’re correct. Coren’s assertion that you only need a few apps demonstrates a misunderstanding of a skill that takes time and practice to develop properly—and accurately.

Speaking of oversimplification, apps are not a Master Naturalist in your pocket, and that statement —while meant as a compliment–does a disservice to the thousands of Master Naturalists across the country. While the training curricula vary from state to state, they are generally based in learning how organisms interact within habitats and ecosystems, often drawing on a synthesis of biology, geology, hydrology, climatology, and other natural sciences. A Master Naturalist could tell you not only what species you’re looking at, but how it fits into this ecosystem, how its adaptations are different from a related species in another ecoregion, and so forth.

Map showing Level III and IV ecoregions of Oregon, the basis of my training as an Oregon Master Naturalist.

In spite of my criticisms, I do think that Coren was absolutely onto something when he described the effects of using the apps. Seeing the landscape around you turn from a green background to a vibrant community of living beings makes going outside a more exciting, personal experience. I and my fellow nature nerds share an intense curiosity about the world around us. And that passion, more than any app or other tool, is fundamental to becoming a citizen naturalist, Master or otherwise.

Did you enjoy this post? Consider taking one of my online foraging and natural history classes or hiring me for a guided nature tour, checking out my other articles, or picking up a paperback or ebook I’ve written! You can even buy me a coffee here!

[manikas-whims]

An Elusive Alliance

In which Rafayel and Xavier's first encounter leads up to a collection of more encounters, resulting in them forming a sort of alliance due to their love for you.

— a Rafayel & Xavier friendship mini fic with sprinkles of Rafayel x Reader and Xavier x Reader moments

next chapter ->

Encounter 1: the artist meets the hunter [AO3]

As the burst of light from your synchronized attack faded away and the Wanderer in front of you crumbled to dust, you slid your sword back in its sheath and breathed out in relief.

Like always, Xavier did a quick survey of the area before walking back to you.

“Do you want to go home together?” He asked.

“Sure.”

You had barely smiled at him when your phone began buzzing loudly.

It was quite unusual because most of the people in your life knew about your line of work and wouldn’t be disturbing you at this hour. “Most” being the keyword as you already had an inkling about who it could be. There were only a few people who’d bother you at odd hours, one of them being right there with you. And the other one was ringing you at the moment, as was confirmed by the caller ID flashing on your phone’s screen.

It was Linkon City’s one and only famed artist Rafayel. You answered the call. “Hey—”

“Miss Bodyguard! Come quickly! My life is in imminent danger!”

The words were yelled so loud that his voice could be heard outside the tiny speaker. And with the way that Xavier blinked curiously at you, you were sure even he heard it all.

“Rafayel calm down. Is it a wanderer?” You asked.

“It’s worse! Ugh! Just get here please!”

The call was disconnected from the other end, leaving your weary mind and body in an amalgamation of confusion and concern.

Xavier stepped nearer and leaned his face far closer to yours than anyone would deem appropriate between friends. “What is it?”

“It’s just..this friend of mine. He says he’s in danger but I’m not so sure..” You scratched your cheek in thought. “He says it’s worse than a wanderer.”

Xavier’s eyes narrowed momentarily before he took hold of your hand. “Let’s go.”

“Whaa– you’re coming too?” You asked, your eyes drifting towards his long fingers around your wrist.

“You said it yourself. It’s dangerous. Best we go together.”

“R-Right okay.” You mumble, even though you still weren’t entirely sure. After all, this wasn’t the first time that Rafayel had raised a false alarm on you. Regardless, you didn’t have the energy to explain to Xavier about how much Rafayel took delight in messing with you.

That, and you could be wrong too. For all you knew, a big wanderer could be chasing after Rafayel right now. The most reasonable option was to head to Whitesand Bay as soon as possible and check up on the situation.

Bursting through the doors of the art studio, you and Xavier immediately assumed a defensive stance. The living room was still intact, save for a few boxes cluttered in one corner, and the randomly scattered utensils around the kitchen counter.

“Rafayel, I’m here!” You called. “Where are you?”

“Shhhh!” The said artist popped up his head from behind the kitchen counter. “Over here.”

You took in the weary expression as well as the disheveled state his usually smooth purple locks were in. What could be stressing him out to such an extent?

“What is it?” You asked impatiently. You were still clad in your Hunter uniform and weren’t quite enjoying the outfit clinging to you due to the sweat. You also did not want to smell like sweat in the presence of two guys you were so close to.

Rafayel cautiously walked around from the sink and came to your side. “It’s this way.”

He pushed you in the direction of the cardboard boxes you’d seen earlier, his larger body firmly huddled behind your smaller frame. Xavier followed the two of you.

Your hand slowly reached for the trusted gun at your hip. You nudged one of the boxes with your boot and a snarl came from the pile.

Your eyes widened. The sight before you was neither horrendous nor dangerous like the Wanderers you were used to dealing with. The so-called threat Rafayel had been talking about were merely..kittens! A total of three and each no bigger than a can of soda. There was a bigger cat (presumably the mother) who had snarled at you when you had disturbed the box.

You rolled your eyes at Rafayel, then gave a small apologetic glance to Xavier who stood behind. For him to come all this way with you when he could've been showering and sleeping by now.

“This was your danger?” You folded your arms across your bosom and raised a brow at Rafayel.

“Hey! You know how awful they are! They’re demons! Always fooling you with their big sparkly eyes, only to pounce at you the next moment.” Rafayel spoke in his defense.

“They’re cats, Rafayel! Cats!” You emphasized.

“Oh please! Let’s not forget that time on Hat Island when an orange cat scratched my hand.”

As you two bickered, Xavier stepped closer to the cats who seemed to have made a home for themselves amidst the cluttered boxes. He slipped the glove off his right hand and to your surprise, rubbed the mama cat’s head. But even more surprising was the fact that the cat stroked her head affectionately into his palm, seemingly not afraid or untrusting of him at all.

“She must’ve crawled in through one of the open windows and found the boxes an ideal safe spot for her babies.” He explained without looking up.

“Who are you again?” Rafayel asked, rather suspicious of him.

Now that you thought about it, you realized how you were friends with so many cool boys but had never introduced them to each other. Hmm..Maybe you just didn’t find the right occasion to do so? Nevermind that.

“Rafayel, this is Xavier. He’s the best Deepspace Hunter I know, which is why I’m lucky to have him for my partner.” You said.

“I’m also lucky to have you as my partner.” Xavier smiled, then nodded in greeting towards Rafayel.

“And this is Rafayel. The young, renowned artist!” You introduced him excitedly.

“Um..hello.” Xavier scratched his cheek awkwardly. “Are you supposed to be famous or something?”

Uh oh..

You saw Rafayel’s eyes narrowing in annoyance even as he tried to mask it with a forced smile. “I am. Very famous in fact. The one and only of my kind.”

“Ahh..I see.” Xavier brought out a hand to shake it with that of Rafayel’s, his lips twitching as he too forced a smile on his face. “Nice..to meet you.”

Rafayel couldn’t believe you had the audacity to bring another guy to his house.

The said guy– Xavier– currently sat on the couch, his hunter jacket discarded and the buttons of his undershirt undone. His legs were sprawled casually as if he had already made himself home. And if that wasn’t the worst, the tiny kittens had followed him and were loitering around his legs, nipping and sucking on his combat boots. Meanwhile the mother sat snuggled in his lap.

“He once said he has no idea why but small animals tend to cozy up to him. Interesting right?” You told Rafayel whilst helping him with lunch preparations.

“Yeah..” He replied dryly. “But why is he here?”

“Well, we heard your voice on the phone and Xavier insisted on helping.” You informed him as if that was a plausible explanation.

Xavier insisted, huh?

Rafayel couldn’t put a finger to it but something was off about the guy.

In that very moment, the said platinum-blonde haired guy scratched his nape, as if he could sense the pinprick sensation of Rafayel’s gaze upon his back. Then he turned around, and flashed a close-eyed smile.

Rafayel frowned.

Something was definitely off about this guy.

if you've reached this point, then THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR READING ♡

i apologize for any ooc moments or grammatical errors..i’ll be editing it later on..

please ✩⁠ like - reblog - comment ✩⁠ on what you think and if you'd like me to continue this silly lil fic (i actually have ½ of chapter 2 already written out lol)

next chapter ->

» NAVIGATION | MASTERLIST «

[basilknell]

Vasily's Ethnic Background

Hello! I tend to ramble about history books I read adjacent to Vasily on my private accounts, so I figured I’d accumulate some of the information I read regarding headcanoning Vasily’s ethnic background. This’ll be a big post, so I’ll stash it under a read-more for anyone interested.

This isn’t meant to be taken as a concrete ‘Vasily is canonically ethnically x’ post, and as you’ll read none of the options I cover are necessarily concrete as there’s overlap and conjecture to be found in every choice. Nonetheless, this post's biggest purpose is reference for myself, as I rotate what I headcanon him to be often; I’m hoping some others might take an interest in alternate backgrounds for him from this, as I only ever see him portrayed as ethnically and nationally Russian.

I’d be happy to provide further reading/direction for certain information covered if wanted, and a special thank you to RSTRPV for some of the information I could not find! I will also occasionally update this post over time as I read more documents and come across more evidence/contradictions.

Please be aware that much of this can be a sensitive subject, and I have condensed most of this information to be understandable to the average reader which means nuance is lost. This is especially true in regards to the intersection of ethnicity and nationality of Cossacks when relating to Russian and Ukrainian history. I especially suggest further research beyond my simple blog if you have any interest in headcanoning Vasily as a Cossack because of their history of being imperialistic hands for the Russian Empire, while also being victims of it. I stress it, even. I try my best to tread the history and terms, but a short blog can only touch upon so much. Serhii Plokhy is a great Ukrainian writer who has some of this subject in English to research with.

Russian

To address first and foremost, comes the ethnic background the vast majority of fans (and the other characters in the series) ascribe to Vasily – an ethnic Russian. There’s not much information I need to corroborate regarding why exactly one might find Vasily to be ethnically Russian, and it is the easiest background for him to tread if you wish to play it safe regarding headcanons if you don’t know much about Russian history. He is, after all, assumed Russian by the other characters in the series.

Vasily, given his first name and appearance, has no contradictory elements to him being Russian. His first name, Vasily, is one typically only ethnic Russians use, but we'll discuss this further in a bit. He speaks Russian in the show, though a large portion of non-Russian ethnicities do sometimes speak Russian even during the imperial era. Visually, he has an appearance typical of an ethnic Russian and is found to be in a WWI Russian Imperial Army (RIA) uniform – though I’d like to add there was mandatory conscription for most all males in Russia starting in 1874. This means that a more than just ethnic Russians were conscripted into the army, and some ethnicities, such as Jews, had a higher conscription comparitively rate at times. So, regardless of ethnicity, typically most men who resided within the empire could be conscripted into the army, give or take some exceptions. I'd like to note that one time we see Vasily without his shinel (greatcoat), he’s wearing a non-issued gimnasterka, a military style of shirt based upon Russian kosovorotka. It was rather common for soldiers to replace their issued gimnasterka with their own version, and Vasily seems to have replaced his.

(Pictured Vasily’s gimnasterka.)

Vasily’s birthplace, Yeleninka, was, and still is, in Russia, though there was a number of other non-Russian ethnicities living in the Orenburg district in 1897. He also never bothers to correct other characters that call him Russian either. Though, this could also be in part that he either could no longer speak at all after being shot, he didn’t find worth in arguing about it, he still identified as being Russian as his nationality even if his ethnicity was not Russian.

But, regarding Vasily’s clothing, there are some major inconsistencies beginning with the fact Noda clearly had little idea about the Russian uniform or military organization in 1907.

To begin with: an ethnic Russian being a border guard was unusual. Not impossible, by any means, but not exactly the norm. Border guards at the time were found to be one of two categories: Cossacks (I will be discussing them later) or a specialized military unit called the Special Border Guard Corps (SBGC). While Cossacks were typical to find as border guards, and oftentimes had their own separate units from ordinary military units, you often could find ethnic Russians in the SBGC, though border protection more often than not belonged to Cossacks in the Far East. You might also find the occasional ethnic Russians serving as a Cossack out East, but again, this will be further discussed below as to what that meant.

Neither Cossacks nor the SBGC wore the uniform Vasily and the other members of his unit are found in. In fact, technically the RIA did not either, as the uniforms of Vasily and his comrades are WWI uniform designs, as I mentioned briefly above. It's important to note here, however, Sakhalin was not monitored by the SBGC in 1907 as there was a lack of funds, and as such Cossacks exclusively guarded that border. An argument can be made, however, that normal RIA members also helped in guarding the border since it had not been long since the Russo-Japanese War had ended, and stragglers to protect that specific border with Japan was warranted. I mention the SBGC for those that might wish to find justification for Vasily being in the corps and on the border somehow.

It’s far harder to pinpoint Vasily’s outfit had he been a Cossack, namely because he could have been in several different uniforms depending on which voisko (AKA a Host – think of these as state/territory distinctions between Cossacks residences) he originated from. To be a Cossack on the Sakhalin border, he could have been from a number of different voisko that created the East Siberian District that together covered Sakhalin. Simply though, no Cossack uniform matched the uniform Vasily canonically wears either. Nor does it match the uniforms of the RIA at the time.

So what uniform is Vasily found to be wearing, then? His outfit is a generic foot soldier uniform of low-ranking members of the RIA, lacking any tags to denote which unit Vasily prevails from entirely. However, the bulk of the uniform Vasily is found in was introduced in the year 1907 (in reality, 1909 when the changes finally took place) by order of complete uniform overhaul by Nicholas II, but other elements come from post-1910 reforms seen most typically in use during WWI. Given Vasily being in the Far East, it would be rather unusual for Vasily to wear a newly-issued uniform such as the one he’s found in, and because these uniforms did not actually take effect until 1909. How would a soldier presumably on a remote border have such a newly printed uniform (albeit, anachronistic in some aspects such as his Papakha being from a 1910 reform)?

All of this culminates into a couple of pieces of important information regarding Noda. (1) He was entirely unaware that the regular military did not cover borders, and instead it was the job of Cossacks and the SBGC. (2) He intentionally avoided pertinent information on Vasily’s uniform and gave him a generic one from the very year Russian uniforms were massively changed lasting until the Revolution. In fact, Noda had made edits to Vasily’s uniform between the original release of his appearance, and the volume releases, meaning he wasn’t thorough in depicting the Russian soldiers. (3) To culminate most of this, Noda had simply cobbled together information that created Vasily to be versatile for several different headcanons, not just as an ethnic Russian. 

There is a reason why most fans label Vasily as ethnically Russian, aside from general lack of knowledge on the subject, but in that same vein much of the evidence that he is ethnically Russian can be refuted in the same breath. Regardless, it's a headcanon to choose if one wished.

Ukrainian

While Vasily’s silence and the series text tell one story about his background, his name itself tells another. Specifically, his surname! ‘Vasily’ is found typically upon Russians and those who want to Russify themselves while 'Vasyl' is the Ukrainian equivalent, but his surname, Pavlichenko, is distinctly Ukrainian and not Russian. His father’s family, at the very least, had to have been of Ukrainian origin. It would be up to interpretation if his mother was also Ukrainian, but it does not conflict history to state his family could have moved from the regions of Ukraine after the abolishment of serfdom to different areas, or had been forcefully relocated as was common in Imperial Russia. Being leased onto Cossack land to farm in the Orenburg voisko, where Yeleninka was located, was common for laborers and poorer non-Cossack locals. An ethnic Ukrainian being found in Yeleninka is not as outlandish as one might think and is entirely plausible, as a portion of the Orenburg district was, indeed, 2.6% Ukrainian (about 3.4% when not accounting for Turk ethnicities) by language. They were the fourth largest ethnicity in this district behind Russians, Bashkirs, and Tatars. However, the 1897 census only calculated ethnicity by first language, so the true ethnically Ukrainian population would have been higher, as some might not have spoken Ukrainian as a first language due to imperialistic pressures. And, as discussed in the previous section, when assuming how an ethnic Russian was a border guard, the same logic can apply to a Ukrainian simply being in the RIA.

It’s difficult to explain away Vasily’s surname without him being, in part, Ukrainian. But again, part of this information likely comes from Noda’s lack of research into Russian history. Vasily’s last name is taken from a famous sniper, Lyudmila Pavlichenko, just as Vasily’s first name and birthplace are taken from another sniper, Vasily Zaitsev. Despite her last name being Ukrainian, though it was a married name, Lyudmila is often regarded as a ‘Soviet’ sniper and she is indeed Russian. It is due to this, Noda was likely unaware that (1) Her name came from her husband and (2) ‘Pavlichenko’ is actually a Ukrainian surname. Her popularized name is the Ukrainian Pavlichenko, not her maiden Russian name of Belova.

Vasily's first name not being the Ukrainian variation of 'Vasyl' could be explained by that stated mixed heritage. However, it was also not uncommon for Ukrainians in the past to go by a russified name. For example, the famous writer Nikolai Gogol's true name is actually Mykola Hohol – his name is often russified. Vasily could very well have chosen to start going by a Russian first name while in the army, or had it changed for him, as it was not uncommon for well-known Ukrainians to have these double names.

If you’re a stickler to the specifics despite Noda’s intention, Vasily’s Ukrainian surname cannot be argued against as easily as many of the ethnic Russian factors for him. Whether that means you’d find Vasily to be exclusively Ukrainian, or a mix, that is up to one’s own headcanon and interpretation.

Orenburg Cossack

Cossacks are a very long and convoluted subject in Eastern European history, but I will do my best to explain this as clearly as I can without dredging into too much history. First, and most important to remember, is that ‘Cossack’ was not necessarily always a distinct ethnic identity from other ethnicities within the Empire. But it was an ethnic identity to some.

The Cossacks first emerged from various ethnic backgrounds in the area that is now modern day Ukraine. They culminated into existence as different groups fled from varying situations they found themselves in and drew into banditry together. Ukrainians (or Ruthenians, as was the more popular term in the 16th-18th century) and eventually Russians fleeing serfdom, Poles fleeing the hetmans, those of Turk background such as Tatars, etc., all became a hodgepodge group called ‘Cossacks’ in that area of modern-day Ukraine and parts of Southwestern modern-day Russia. Over time, this group obtained special privileges from Imperial Russia, then Muscovy, in return for their extensive military service. Cossacks in said original area began to develop into an ethnic identity separate from Russians, Ukrainians, and Turks. Their own culture was Slavic mixed with Turkish culture – distinctly blended so they did not identify as one or the other. This was not always the case, and often the further back in history you go, the more often you would find Cossacks who identified with an ethnic identity outside of Cossackhood. You might often hear the term 'Ukrainian Cossack' in reference to Zaporozhian Cossacks because of this, as many of these Cossacks would have identified as being kin to Ruthenians (now Ukrainians) rather than having a distinct ethnic Cossack identity. But, later in the empire, certain Cossack groups did distinguish themselves as ethnically different from the Russians, Ukrainians, and other Slavic groups in the area.

However, because of these special privileges given to them by the Russian Empire, a legal definition of a Cossack had to be applied to persons. Due to this, as Cossack voiskos began forming further East into Siberia where the Russian government wanted Cossacks stationed, they would often bestow the title of ‘Cossack’ to people living in certain areas who ethnically had no connection to Cossacks, or even Slavs, whatsoever. This created situations where those who did not want to be involved in the military were now legally obligated to give military service, and it was now possible to find even ethnically Chinese Cossacks in Eastern voiskos. A Cossack had become both an ethnic identity and a legal title to be bestowed, though the vast majority of Cossacks in the west of the empire still remained those of the ethnic background.

To summarize, Cossacks found in Western Imperial Russia sometimes regarded themselves as distinctly different ethnically from other groups (Russians, Ukrainians, Kalmyks), such as with Don, Kuban, and Ural Cossacks. This is often exemplified in Russian Literature (although written by those who are romanticizing the Cossacks) where it is highlighted that Cossacks consider themselves a separate ethnicity from those around them. However in the more Eastern voisko, while it was possible to find Cossacks who believed themselves ethnically Cossack, sometimes being a Cossack was simply a legal title and held no other cultural or ethnic significance. It’s also, I believe, important to note that Cossacks were often the hands of Russian imperialism in both Siberia and the Caucasus. While Cossacks were sometimes victims of the empire, as the military might of that same empire they also contributed greatly to its imperialism. There is a fine line to walk regarding their history, and I highly suggest researching them beyond this blog.

Now, in regards to Vasily, border guards were often Cossacks in Imperial Russia, as it was one of their duties when not in an active military turn. This immediately gives him claim to potentially being a Cossack, as you could choose to headcanon him as a Cossack border guard rather than a simple RIA soldier sent to the border to stop the “Tsar’s Assassin”. But, specifically, Sakhalin was only guarded officially by Cossacks until the succession of the Soviets. Now, as stated above, Vasily was far more likely to consider himself ethnically Cossack (which would explain a Ukrainian last name, but not consider himself Ukrainian due the blended nature of Cossacks) if he was from a voisko further West. But Sakhalin was one of the Eastern-most points in Russia, and lacked a specific voisko to cover it. Instead, a group called the East Siberian District chose to cover Sakhalin, which was a collection of different voisko. If one was to headcanon Vasily as being a Cossack from any of these Eastern voisko, it’d be much easier to state several things at once: (1) Vasily is legally a Cossack and (2) Vasily considers himself to be ethnically Cossack, Ukrainian, Russian, or whatever else one might choose to headcanon him as. The only background you cannot headcanon such things in conjunction are legally Cossack and religiously Jewish for a number of reasons discussed further below. Nonetheless, if an ethnic Jew converted, they could indeed be dubbed a Cossack. Antin Krzyzhanovsky is a historical figure notable for doing this.

But, let us backtrack, as there is further evidence to Cossack Vasily beyond his occupation as a border guard. Yeleninka was located in the Orenburg voisko, and those who resided in Yeleninka were legally considered Cossacks. In fact, regardless of headcanon purposes, when following only factual history and no conjecture, Vasily should have been legally a Cossack if he had been born in Yeleninka itself (if born outside the town or if he moved there young, he could’ve been considered a non-Cossack living in the area. Certain ethnicities like Jews and Kalmyks were exempt from the legal title being applied however). I’ve never found specific statistics regarding Yeleninka’s official ethnic makeup, but as for the Orenburg voisko as a whole: when the Orenburg voisko was created, the government supplanted several ethnic Cossacks in the area, but also legally defined some ethnically Russian (+ Ukrainians), Tatar, Mordvin, and Chuvash persons living in the area into Cossacks as well. I have not seen Ukrainians mentioned in the formation of the Orenburg voisko, but at this time the government often did not see “Little Russians” (Ukrainians) as being separate from “Great Russians” (Russians) beyond linguistics. Thus, one could easily consider Vasily ethnically Cossack, or instead consider him to be one of the other ethnicities previously mentioned while only a Cossack in legal title.

To return back to the discussion about Sakhalin coverage, Yeleninka’s existence in the Orenburg voisko does, in fact, line up with history correctly, though I’m sure Noda was not aware of this. Orenburg was a voisko part of the East Siberian District, and it is entirely plausible Vasily would have been stationed on the border because of that. Though it would have been more likely for a further east voisko to send soldiers to that specific border, but not impossible because Orenburg was part of the East Siberian District.

Ussuri Cossack

Now, the Ussuri Cossack headcanon hinges upon everything I’ve just said above regarding Orenburg Cossacks. Whether or not Vasily is considered ethnically or legally Cossack matters little, only that he is simply titled an ‘Orenburg Cossack’ at the time of his birth, which he otherwise legally should’ve been if he was born in Yeleninka.

As mentioned, the Ussuri voisko was the voisko found furthest East – and because of that, it was the voisko that supplanted the most Cossacks to Sakhalin. However, there is indeed precedent for an Orenburg Cossack becoming an Ussuri Cossack. While it was notoriously difficult for Cossacks (and peasants in general) to transfer between districts in the empire, starting in the 1890s, after a large famine hit the Orenburg voisko the hardest, the government began supporting Orenburg Cossacks in moving to the Ussuri voisko.

So, in essence, Vasily could have been born in Yeleninka, legally considered a Cossack, and then moved to be raised in the Ussuri voisko as an Ussuri Cossack, allowing for a more probable likeness for him to have been stationed at the Sakhalin border. Because of how devastating the famine was to the Orenburg voisko, movement to the Ussuri voisko was a fairly popular choice for some Cossacks. Ussuri Cossacks also had a reputation for being particularly reckless and wild towards the government, often taking bribes and helping smuggle items far more often in comparison to other Cossacks. This might lend to why Vasily so easily deserts the army, though in general it was far more common for soldiers from Siberia to desert in comparison to soldiers from the rest of the empire.

Mordvin (Moksha & Erzya) + Belarusian + Polish

To get out of the way an important piece of information: I am going to use the term ‘Mordvin’ for ease. However, Mordvin is an umbrella term referring to two distinct, but related, ethnic groups known as the Moksha and Erzya. Think of it like the term ‘Slav’ in reference to Poles and Russians.

Aside from Vasily’s place of birth – Yeleninka – and its place in the Oreburg host, there’s not much other specific evidence towards Vasily being Mordvin. There was a decently large population of Mordvins in the Orenburg district, about 2.4% linguistically, the 5th largest language group in the area, and quite a few of them were also legally deemed Cossacks as well. And, while that is the little info I have (mostly because there is very little information involving Mordvins published in English and even Russian), no other information would contradict him being Mordvin either aside from his Ukrainian last name. But, of course, his last name can always be explained as mixed marriage in the past.

Similarly, such same logic applies to Belarusian and Polish headcanons for Vasily. They were 0.14% and 0.11% linguistically spoken as first languages in the Orenburg district as well. There’s not much more to add beyond the extra logical tidbits I’ve discussed that could also apply here. While not historically backed up heavily, it’d have been a fascinating headcanon for Vasily to be ethnically Polish and for him to interact with Asirpa.

Turkish

I’ll quickly preface that Vasily being full-blooded Turkish is highly unlikely. But I wanted to at least mention that it wouldn’t be uncommon for him to be a quarter or half Turkish. The reason why is that during the Russo-Turkish War during the 1860s, Cossacks often brought Turkish brides back to Russia with them after the end of the war. Given that Cossacks already have some mix of Turkic culture, they were partial to bringing these women back with them, though I must stress this was typically not done consensually. Regardless, if one is running with the idea that Vasily is a Cossack, his parents being mixed Turkish or a grandmother of his being fully Turkish is completely plausible.

Jewish

I’m going to attempt this as respectfully as I can, as it would be remiss of me not to entertain the idea of Vasily being Jewish because Jews were a significant population of the Russian Empire. Nonetheless, the facts stack against this headcanon, but I want to lay them out for clarity’s sake as perhaps the info is useful to someone attempting to work with the headcanon. The history of Jews in Russia is quite extensively plotted in academia, and though I’ve read a couple papers and books about it, I could very well be missing important information. Please feel free to correct me.

First and most importantly: Vasily could not have been a Cossack and religiously Jewish. If, perchance, he was only ethnically Jewish but his family kept this information completely hidden or they openly converted to Orthodoxy, then he could’ve been legally defined as a Cossack. But otherwise, Jews were never given the legal title, and even ethnic Jews who had converted to Orthodoxy were heavily discriminated against by other Cossacks. While I’ve never found a specific law mentioned against legally defining Jews as Cossacks, there are social issues to consider. Cossacks, particularly ethnic ones, were notorious in their violence against Jews in the empire and had a long history of using them as scapegoats in political matters. They instigated and typically were the ones who committed pogroms against Jews. If a Jew was to gain the legal title of ‘Cossack’, there would not have been a particularly peaceful outcome to such a situation. Thus, to be religiously Jewish, Vasily must have only been in the RIA which did allow religious Jews.

Next, Vasily’s last name, Pavlichenko, can be explained. While a significant portion of Jews in Russia had Germanic (Yiddish) last names (and ordinarily first names as well), they sometimes had Slavic names. Given that Pavlichenko is Ukrainian as well, it is actually more favorable than him having a Russian last name – Jews in Russia were majority confined to an area called the Pale. The Pale covered what is now modern day Ukraine, Belarus, Poland, Lithuania, and a bit of Latvia. If he was to have a non-Germanic surname, it was more likely to have originated from one of these areas, such as Ukraine, hence him more likely to have a Ukrainian last name than a Russian one.

Unfortunately, discussion of the Pale leads into a major problem concerning Vasily: Jews were restricted to this area. A handful of Jews could be found in major cities of European Russia if they were artisans or merchants, as they were allowed to legally reside in these cities when given permits*. For example, about 4000 Jews resided in Moscow around 1900. However, this only extended to major cities just outside the Pale. Upon my research into the Orenburg district, a 1897 census survey finds a grand total 4 Jews living in the entirety of the Oblast. Though I will say, upon reading other papers, there is mention of a single Jewish Cheder in Orenburg that supported 20 students. This hints that perhaps there were more Jews living in Orenburg than the official census denotes, but not by much. Of course, as stated with the Cossack background, there are ways around this statistic. Vasily could be ethnically Jewish, but his family hid this fact and became baptized in order to live outside the Pale and major cities. 

Finally, if Vasily had been Jewish, it would’ve been strange he didn’t bring up this fact to the Japanese cast. During the Russo-Japanese War, Japan was heavily funded by wealthy American Jews who despised Russia for their strict, antisemitic laws and their recent pogroms. Because of this, Japan was especially favorable towards Jews and during the war would often separate Jewish POWs from the other Russian military POWs, giving them better treatment. To this point, Jews often wanted to stay in Japan because of how well they were treated by the Japanese. I’m unsure exactly how long this favorable view lasted, but it is not remiss to believe as close post-war as Golden Kamuy is, this favorable stance would still hold. Instead of viewing Vasily as an annoying “Russian”, he very well could’ve used his Jewish background to cement himself a more favorable disposition from the Japanese cast.

*There were some Jews living outside the Pale, but not significant numbers. The Georgian and Central Asian Jews of Iranian background were allowed to reside outside the Pale in their areas of origin. There were also some Siberian Jewish communities created by Jews who had been exiled into Siberia, but none of these communities were particularly close to Yeleninka.

End Note

I’ll end this on a note that, with all this information laid out, I only wish to encourage people to choose what they personally feel drawn to for Vasily’s background. While some headcanons have more evidence than others, each has their own difficulties with history in ways, as Noda accidentally contradicted much of the information he applied to Vasily. I hope this encourages more people to do research into the history here – which I think is especially needed if you intend to headcanon Vasily as a Cossack, even if you are headcanoning him to be a ethnically non-Cossack, but legally defined under the title. But a mix of ethnic background is entirely possible for Vasily according to just the factual history, so restricting him to one ethnic identity isn’t needed if one does not wish.

Personally, I often write and draw Vasily as being half Ukrainian half Russian, though in my actual preference I find him to be an ethnic Cossack that was raised in the Ussuri voisko. However, I feel when I present him as a Cossack I want nuance following it, so I’ve never bothered to draw or write him as such beyond a couple sketches. I hope this post encourages some of you to look more into the history here!

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

aita for telling someone they're a horrible person and making them relapse?

trigger warning: self-harm, suicide(?)

so im, like many teenagers online, an avid participant of fandom spaces and my current favorite is genshin impact. if you've ever interacted with the genshin fandom you may guess where this is going but i happened to find myself liking a ship that is the big nono ship in this fandom (aka the incest ship, kaeluc) but since i mostly stick to my space and don't really interact with anyone that doesn't already have content of this ship on their account id never gotten into any hot water over it.. until recently.

this person, ill call them rick, suddenly liked a bunch of my (non-ship related) posts. normal interaction, i didn't think anything of if and moved on. (i didn't even notice at the time, but they unliked all of the posts before what happened next, i assume as they realized i was a proshipper and didn't want to associate with me.) next thing i know, the same user is in my askbox, sending me the most vile, hate filled messages i have ever seen.

ok... no biggie. i delete the asks, block them and move on with my life. but it doesn't stop. i had never in my whole life received hate online, but now for the first time ever, i had a dedicated hater, sending me anonymous asks at all times of the day. death threats, dox threats, telling me to kill myself, calling me a degenerate and all that, all with the same consistent writing style. now, one could say that maybe this wasn't rick, and maybe not even all the same person but i really feel like this is the only reasonable explanation considering i have like 6 followers and my most famous post has 3 notes. i don't think im important enough to have that many haters.

so, i did the only thing i could think to do: turned off anon asks. then the asks started coming from random throwaway accounts. ok...turned off asks. then it was dms. turned those off too. THE FUCKING COMMENT SECTIONS OF MY POSTS.

dedication isn't enough to describe this. at this point it's actually becoming distressing to me and im considering closing my whole account cause i just wanna get away from all this. im 16, i don't have the mental capacity to spend all day policing my social media because someone wants me to die for liking fictional incest.

so i very reluctantly unblock rick and send them a dm. i very gently ask if they are the person who has been sending me asks/dms/etc and if they are, if they could please stop because it's become genuinely distressing to me and i just want to be silly on a website. they block me.

alright, im now out of options. everything on my profile is blocked at this point and i don't even want to post anything else so i just kind of leave the account behind for a while. when i come back, i discover that someone HACKED into the account and defaced the whole thing (changed pfp, deleted posts etc etc) so now im genuinely bummed. i go to rick's profile and guess who has been unblocked? i ask them if they can please answer my question. they don't answer but instead tell me i deserve everything ive gotten and i should choke for all they care.

i tell them they're a terrible person and go absolutely off the rails like the dumb, upset teenager i am. i didn't say anything particularly horrible (mostly i just tell them about how awful they've made me feel over fictional shit that really doesn't matter and how i just wanted peace) but i definetely wouldn't like to receive a message like that. and rick didn't either, because they blocked me.

well, since im sure you're wondering where this comes in, here's where i kind of feel like an asshole:

i continued to stalk rick's account on a different blog (because i was bitter. ok?) and they've been posting about how they relapsed into self harm because of a message they received from a stranger and how they've been crying non-stop and this is the worst relapse they've had in years and etc etc and i just got this pit in my stomach. this person's bio says they're 15! i don't want to ever be the reason a fifteen year old is hurting themselves! i've been feeling like a piece of shit ever since (esp since i also deal with sh) and i just feel like the worse person ever. i honestly don't know if i was just acting like anyone else and this was an unfortunate consequence or if i need to go pray for god to forgive my sins or something.

aita?

What are these acronyms?