#is still a shitty thing to do lmao
Explore tagged Tumblr posts
Note
Anyway any time people extensively criticize Keeley even if they’re saying things that are basically reasonable, if they don’t spend equal time on Roy’s fuckups I start itching to bite.
It’s this EXACTLY tbh because like. Those of y’all who have been following me for a minute know I LOVE discussing these bitches flaws like I absolutely do love unpacking that HOWEVER… i think this one-sided business is very unfair and also like. Genuinely a bad interpretation of the show? People are either watching with their eyes closed or in extremely bad faith or something because ??? These characters are all good people!!! They fuck up but they are not like, irredeemably bad for each other because they…both suck-ass at communicating, lol. And I sincerely hope some people aren’t building their real friendships and relationships off a tit-for-tat scorecard of their mistakes, because that’s very goofy.
“Well Keeley was dismissive about the end of Roy’s career [one time in one conversation]!!!” Well yes, and then she proceeded to *checks notes* stand by his side during the hardest transition period of his life, gently encouraging him to carve a new path for himself but also not pressuring him into doing something he wasn’t yet ready for??
“Roy booked 6 weeks in Marbella without even considering Keeley’s new job!! Clearly this shows he’s inconsiderate and unthoughtful about her career and priorities!!” Well yes, Roy was being an idiot scrambling to save a relationship he knew was dying. Even so, one episode prior he knew exactly what Keeley needed to hear when she was doubting herself before her Vanity Fair shoot, because it’s obvious he thinks she’s fucking incredible and he has so much belief in her ability to succeed!!
Like idk. No one is saying anyone has to ship them, but some of the complaints going around feel very manufactured to uphold other ships and characters when their favs were out here doing the exact same shit!! Like let’s step back for a second, idk
#asks#roykeeley#i saw a post today complaining that people blame roy for the end of the relationship.#which in itself I completely agree with! it’s weird that fandom gave Keeley immunity in all that when she also made mistakes!!!#but then they went on to say roy didn’t actually do anything wrong because god forbid are people not allowed to break up w someone now?#and in my head i had to be like. woahhhhh. woah. let’s back up now.#i think breaking up your committed relationship of over a year with (seemingly) no honest explanation#to the point where she thinks it might just be a break not a break up#as you’re sitting down to tell your niece about it#is still a shitty thing to do lmao#like both things can be truth!!!! im shouting about NUANCE from the rooftops!!!!#ted lasso
10 notes
·
View notes
Text
celestial bodies
#yooooo doin that fun thing i do where i do shit and then dont post it anywhereeee <3#vash the stampede#trigun#trigun spoilers#trimax#drawing#artists on tumblr#my art#illustration#comic#fanart#manga#gold leaf#im still learning (clearly). but i do think im getting better :P#that said im never doing black backgrounds again. fuckin shit that was annoying lmao#something about vash's body and evoking the idea of an eclipse#i bought really shitty cheap brushes and i think that didnt help me with being accurate 😅#the issue is like....... i can only use these brushes once and then the adhesive ruins em :/#i might look into using some adhesive remover or something#if anyone has any tips. would love em lmao
231 notes
·
View notes
Text
Samurai and Ninja in crappy pics because December here is under a constant cloud and I just want y'all to see them all golden and cute without learning how to take aesthetic pictures 🥴 💙❤️😆🥰
linktr.ee/Mezzy
#klance#can i tell everyone to look away before i write tags to someone privately lmao no? damn#anyway yes i meant music!! and thank you for sharing something!!#baking seems like a hyperfixation#like i know you said you baked once but then look at me#...i was thinking if i could make salads.... i gotta be medicore at least at one food thing#its a joke its a joke#i will one day get used to focusing on more complicated kitchen work than heating up meat or cooking things in salt and water#anyone else had trouble getting out of bed this december?#once i do i try to pick physical activities that dont require creative thinking because man#at the post office i had small talk with a lady waiting in line she didnt speak polish so u know me it happened#and she recommended light therapy lamp#im very tempted to try it becase i had record bad thoughts sleepless nights and jerking awake this month#it might be rooted in economic instability growing inflation costs of living and shitty working conditions while still trying to buy gifts?#but hey there are things we cant have control over and there are things we can#ive got winter wonderland comic coming though#i will try my best to speed-finish it as a christmas gift aight#i hope its going to be a nice thing!!#wow thats a long set of tags
332 notes
·
View notes
Note
Do the Sir Slithers ever get, like, a "turn" being the main pilots of poor gooped-up Kanako, or is it a more constant "Kanako is now herself and Slithers at the same time all the time but the Kanako personality is just more pronounced"?
Very intrigued by the dynamics of this, I imagine she probably surprises her mom every now and then with something that would've been very out of character for her pre-amalgamation
("How much of what I just said/did is the trauma talking and how much is the literal other people who soul-merged with me talking?")
kanako/sir slithers masterpost :]
the way it works is very much everyone gets their own personality, it just happens that bc kanako’s soul is more powerful, she got the body. so she can move the arms and legs, but the snake bodies/her hair she can’t, because theyre sill their own people. IF the sir slithers worked together, they might be able to take over the main body, but bc theyre all too busy fighting each other to be the main character nothing ever comes of it. kanako is always the strongest among them all.
and thats EXACTLY what i was thinking!! obviously, kanako is not the same monster she was before she fell down, but its hard for everyone (including kanako) to pick apart if her ooc moments are just because of trauma or because she’s fused with a bunch of other people with their own personalities. while the snakes can talk on their own, sometimes if emotions are high enough they can kinda,, fuse personalities a little. basically combine to one mind/one goal.
oh yeah, absolutely. she hung around them bc they were kids like her, and their mom was with them and watched over them. unfortunately they got too close and fused. but it was also bc they were familiar; they came from the same place, and they reminded each other of home. she missed the dunes and dina and her mom, and the family reminded her of that. so they stuck together in a shitty awful place
and she doesn’t ever have to go anywhere; the entire family is on her back. their dad isn’t in the picture, so its just a mom and her 6 kids. just like real snakes lmao
yeah!! they need to talk and get socialization in too. they enjoy talking to each other. theyre like friends attached to her all the time so they get up to some scams fun!
#asked and answered#monster clover au#kanako ketsukane#sure they would like to be their own people again and not be stuck together but. what can u do#most of the time theyre chilling but sometimes they just get upset and pissy (AS THEY SHOULD)#and it causes all sorts of issues for kanako as well#like. no privacy. the snakes cant do things like make friends. its a shitty situation for everyone#but they made boundaries and rules a long time ago in the lab lmao#the kids still have homework dont worry. they can help each other#mcau doodle#mcau lore
112 notes
·
View notes
Text
more for the garashir fairytale grab bag AU I am never going to actually write: garak knows exactly what would break his curse from the start, he just never tells anyone for the longest time b/c he's so sure it could never happen
(it's asking forgiveness, of course. he thinks it's tain's forgiveness he needs, and tain is fucking dead and knew he would be by the time garak woke up so it seems the perfect unbreakable parting fuck-you revenge curse. and garak would expect nothing less from his father than that, so he's resigned to dwindling away painfully. enter julian bashir and his fierce force-of-nature compassion (and also secret illicit immense magical powers) with a steel chair!!! to go 'OH YEAH??? we'll see about that', as you might expect. oh. OH necromancer-ish julian calling tain's ghost up to ask him about what the hell he did and how to undo it, ala his gambit to go see him the wire? and the knowledge he gains from that is what confirms garak's suspicions as to what is Up with this handsome young healer mage because it could be known only by those long dead. cue east of the sun west of the moon part of the narrative once julian understands his game is up and runs away??
anyway getting some true love's kissing in by the end of it all is just a nice bonus it's not needed like strictly magically for either of their situations lol)
#garashir#star trek#ds9#star trek ds9#elim garak#julian bashir#the sleeping beauty part is an entirely separate curse btw. tain really wanted that shit to pile up lol#I wonder what fucked up thing you'd do to Julian magically to be the equivalent of genetic engineering#splicing something into his soul maybe? turning him into a wildly powerful but 'dangerous' kind of sorcerer in the process?#something about violating his innermost essence at least that's kind of the thematic significance of it#people pointing at him after the reveal going 'THOSE ARE DARK LORD POWERS YOU FREAK' and he's like#'*barely holding back tears of frustration and exhaustion* I just wanna be a lil healer main can you guys fucking let me live....'#maybe like... when you've cracked someone's soul open once it's considered a sanctity breached or something. anything could get in#maybe ds9 is like... the cardassian ruin where they find garak sleeping (yeah I'm doing an sga/howl's moving castle thing in my head)#he still claims he's just a simple tailor upon being woken up and getting the castle to fly them out of danger. of course.#he also still hates the place as much as he did in the show it was considered a shitty backwater place to be stationed back in the day#guys. I think I am cooking but unfortunately I'm perpetually burnt out I don't have enough fuel to make anything of it lmao
30 notes
·
View notes
Text
Sophie Shepard & Dominik Shepard (ME2)
Ft. Cmdr. Kaidan Alenko & Zaeed Massani MIRA'S MORE CANON ME2 "We both did the best we could do underneath the same moon- in different galaxies..." AKA: The aftermath of Lair of the Shadow Broker. Recruiting the Not-Dossier: Apollo. Mass Effect 2: Legendary Edition (2021) + Bonus :)
#mira makes gifs ✨#sophie shepard#dominik shepard#kaidan alenko#zaeed massani#mass effect#mass effect 2#me2#mass effect legendary edition#dailygaming#morecanonmasseffect#taylor swift is getting all the credit for my tagline :) thank you peter lyrics :)#something something twins who throw eclipse mercs out windows together something something :)#dom is still a sentinel in this canon but i think he’s more biotic inclined :)#but this was so much fun. i haven’t made a big gifset like this in awhile#putting zaeed and kaidan in soph’s squad together in game 👌👌👌👌 absolutely highlight of my mesh swapping career#that and putting dom and soph into the same frame together in game. this was so fucking cool to see in game i’m ngl.#it’s like one thing to have OCs who are twins and another thing to be able to put them into game together 🥹#and seeing like more of your own ME2 canon instead of the shitty version we got in game ngl#shadowbroker!zaeed baby!! ash and kaidan on the normandy!! soph fucks off from cerbie bc the storyline is shit!!#nyreen as archangel. no forced bestie bullshit :)#sorry bioware i’m taking your canon and ripping it to shreds :) zaeed and the VSs deserve better so i’m giving them better :)#also soph using an eagle isn’t the most canon thing but i don’t think me2 has a cobra so we’re gonna roll with it lmao#everyone else’s guns are very canon though :)#i probably ranted a little too much but ngl dom stepping on the eclipse merc was iconic#and soph shoving the other one out the window was hot and kaidan agrees (i don’t make the rules)#well actually i do and he did think it was hot :)#have a nice day as always friend!! 💙
21 notes
·
View notes
Text
(The last one I swear) Top 10 Gintaka moments
Arranged chronologically because it was too difficult to choose. Spoilers ahead.
1. Boke and tsukkomi
We get another glimpse into their relationship during the Shouka Sonjuku days through a memory of Zura. Gintoki appears annoyed about only fighting against Takasugi, though the latter reveals he is ahead 57-56, which means that in a short period they had already fought more than 100 times. This implies that, as the years went by, their duels became a little less frequent. But what is really interesting and adorable here is the way Takasugi acts as Gintoki's tsukkomi and playfully scolds him (ch. 563).
2. Kick the can
At Kurokono Tasuke's suggestion, they decide to play basketball kick the can. Although it is later revealed that Gintoki and Takasugi intended to counterattack the enemy the whole time, they were clearly engrossed in the game, as evidenced by the fact that they put small bushes on their heads to camouflage. This seems to be a tactic they learned from their teacher, considering Zura did it as well. Despite everything, he notices that Gintoki and Takasugi seem more enthusiastic about competing against each other to see who is the first to launch a surprise attack on the can rather than the actual war (ch. 453).
3. Naivety and embarrassment
Around a campfire, Gintoki discusses the course of the war with Sakamoto and Zura and whether they would eventually become imperial forces if their side won. Aside from this being the only occasion where Gintoki thought about a future for himself beyond rescuing Shouyo, Takasugi mocks the idea as naive. This scene appears to be after the one where they made their promise, because Takasugi is aware that Gintoki doesn't fight for the country or for fame, but for their teacher. Thus, with great confidence, he asserts that they know what they are doing and that is enough. However, the way he says it irritates Gintoki, who then proceeds to tease him about the name of the Kiheitai, followed by some insinuations that Sakamoto quickly picks up on and joins in (ch. 633).
4. Him or me
After the events with the Ikeda family, it is revealed that Takasugi and Nobu Nobu are behind the scenes. The latter notices Takasugi's hostility towards him, so he reassures him that he never intended to go after what he calls his prey, Gintoki. Upon hearing this, Takasugi quickly changes his demeanor to a more relaxed and confident one, asserting that he would not be able to take any of their heads. Before leaving, he threatens him that if he changes his mind, either Gintoki or he himself will finish him off. This is not only another occasion where Takasugi becomes upset when others talk about Gintoki in front of him, but it also shows how, even at this point and before their confrontation, he still felt some camaraderie and understanding towards Gintoki (ch. 468).
5. Lingering feelings
Gintoki didn't only become emotional in his final fight against Takasugi when he had to attack his possessed body. In their first real confrontation, there is a direct parallel between Gintoki's face before being forced to kill Shouyo and his face before cutting Takasugi. They had already been fighting for a while, but this shows that at this moment Gintoki was already on the verge of tears. He didn't want to do it, but if someone was going to stop Takasugi, it had to be him. Arguably, this is the first time it is shown how much Gintoki still loves and cares for Takasugi even after all this time and everything that has happened (ch. 519).
6. Only me
Takasugi asks Shinpachi not to let anyone else take Gintoki's head because only he can do it, which adds to other occasions where one speaks possessively about the other. But this time it is because there are still unresolved matters between them, so Takasugi asks, in his own way, that he survives, just as Gintoki asked him 10 years ago when they made their promise during the war (ch. 575).
7. Believe in him
When Hijikata interrogates Gintoki, he fills in the gaps regarding what happened with the Tendoushuu and how all the information points to Takasugi conspiring with the enemy. Despite this, Gintoki tries to defend him, highlighting the fact that Takasugi helped them two years ago and has no reason to ally with the Tendoushuu, to which Hijikata insists that Takasugi is the type to prioritize goals over the means to achieve them. Still, Gintoki refuses to speak and betray Takasugi in any way, prompting Hijikata to question his loyalty and if the reason he insists on protecting Takasugi is because he still believes in him while being interrupted by Robozaki (ch. 674).
8. Underwater fight
When Gintoki is at his limit, surrounded by a group of assassins, a boat with explosives arrives to save him, which is revealed to have been sent by Takasugi. Gintoki doesn't miss the opportunity to tease him, calling him "mastermind" or "Hikusugi-kun," a wordplay referring to his height, and teases him about his lingering affection for the Kiheitai, the latter provoking an offensive response from him. They bicker some more before they are attacked and thrown into the water, where they fight against their enemies while also fighting each other (ch. 677).
9. Shitty brat & crazy hoodlum
This is one of the most peaceful scenes that occurs between them since they reunited. Here they are not fighting each other or anyone else, but simply talking while walking, another glimpse of how their relationship used to be. They clearly look comfortable next to each other, smiling and joking, showing how happy they are to be together, although neither of them would admit it (ch. 683).
10. Go back
On multiple occasions during the final arc, Takasugi tried to convince Gintoki, both gently and harshly, to return to the Yorozuya and his loved ones in Edo. This shows how selfless his love for Gintoki was, that even if his heart was divided because he wanted to be by his side, at the same time what Takasugi most desired was for Gintoki to be happy, with the tragedy that he wasn't really aware that he was part of Gintoki's happiness (chs. 673/677/683/690/699/703).
Part (1) (2) (3) (4)
#Gintama#Sakata Gintoki#Takasugi Shinsuke#gintaka#takagin#I put the 6 scenes together bc it would've been very repetitive to add them at 6 different points saying the same thing#But note how in ch 683 Sugi tells Gin “go and see your friends or what are you afraid that your resolve will be shaken hmm?”#and then when it doesn't work in ch 690 he gets angry and just attacks him lmao#Ngl I'm still a bit salty about the... creative liberties the anime took with ch 683... they took away shitty brat and crazy hoodlum#But it's so funny that Sorachi decided to literally have someone take a dump in the middle of the interrogation scene to make it less corny#Anyway I was planning to make a top with original moments outside the manga but it turns out that I'm busy and this takes time 😩#That and some smaller moments that could be like a bonus#So maybe I'll do it or maybe I won't who knows lol#I can write#Top 10 Gintaka moments#my post
23 notes
·
View notes
Text
Part of why I hate this fandom's take on Autobots vs Decepticons is ppl (mainly 'con fans honestly) who can't have any nuance of the situation whatsoever and love to write plots like "oh the humans are racist and abusive towards Cybertronians so this is how Megatron is right" no actually I don't think colonialism/imperialism and racism are justified so long as you can point the finger and say "they were the aggressors first" or "their hands are no cleaner than ours bc their society sucks too" sorry. Please come up with better sociopolitical narratives in your war story.
#squiggposting#i'm too tired to like actually care about this any more#and ppl's fandom takes don't necessarily represent their IRL views#but i'm just like. oh so i see that you want to write mature stories with politics and dealing with bigotry. that's cool!#now do it in a way that actually refutes bigotry and makes some sort of attempt at resolution#bc 'oh humans are just as bad and evil so it's fine if we colonize them' isn't the pro-con take ppl think it is lkdsfjlsdkfs#honestly this is what john barber got right in his story even tho the politics in his became overbearing#at least he's like the one dude who rightfullly pointed out 'uhhh organics have history with cybertronians that makes them very justified#'in not trusting them'#but my mistake is expecting the average 'con fan to disengage from the 'revolution' part to talk about the racism and imperialism lmao#if ppl weren't cowards they would be able to write characters as problematic and bigots and imperialists#but still show their humanity and point out how the cycle of retribution needs to end at some point#and how killing everyone who ever did anything bad (esp for a race as long lived as theirs) isnt a sustainable model of society#that's my PROBLEM man like stop being COWARDS acknowledge that your heroes can be shitty ppl#instead of framing things as good guys vs bad guys and then framing absolution as being only for the good guys#what if good and bad didn't exist and we were all shitty in some way and none of us inherently deserve forgiveness. what then#what if you wrote a story where you had to deal with the reality of rehabilitating ppl who have genuinely done horrible things#what if you wanted to rehabilitate society but realized the majority of ppl in it are monsters. what then?#do you only extend forgiveness and peace to the ppl who got thru with no moral compromises?#do you want to kick the majority/almost all of your race to the curb and give them no mercy/second chances?#what if ppl wrote stories where sociopolitical issues had no good/bad guys and no easy solutions#what if ppl had the courage and ethical fortitude to say 'everyone here sucks actually'#anyways sorry for the rant
39 notes
·
View notes
Text
I hate when spotify gets lyrics wrong. Like if I can hear the right words with my processing disorder, then spotify has NO EXCUSES tbh
#like I get if it's some random 1k listeners basement rock band with a mumbling british guy.#i have listened to those lmao. i get the struggle.#I liked dinosaur pile-up before they had. like. an AZ Lyrics page and dear lord. some of the things he says aren't words.#I love their demos but ???????? what are you saying.#I was on the bus to tenth grade constantly replaying the same 3 lines trying to figure them out on my shitty ipod.#he went to the patrick stump school of annunciation so yeah I get it there.#but when spotify's getting. like. taylor swift lyrics wrong it's like what are we even doing here#you've got people writing dissertations on everything she's ever said and you still couldn't find the right lyrics to a song from 2009?????
16 notes
·
View notes
Text
the closest ill ever get to being a pick me girl is the joy that fills me when the chefs at work so clearly favouritise me. like im there nicely cleaned up in my smart-casual uniform just a 20 year old waitress smiling my customer service smile and behind me spawns Scary Dog Privilege 10x in the form of several burly middle-aged chefs at least three of which have criminal records and would all stick a bread knife in someone for bothering me
#like it's really funny bc i worked HARD with back of house bc i knew my job would be significantly easier if they liked me#(it speeds your orders through. you can ask for things without being told to fuck off during a rush. they'll get you food on shift etc)#and also there's a stereotype especially in fancier places where floor staff look down on kitchen staff and i think that's shitty#so i was always going to be try with them and be nice but ALSO when i first started my job it was in a peak era so while these days#we're struggling a lot and have had to employ a lot of college kids that dont know what they're doing#when i joined it was all private school girls that would swan about the place very snootily. so the divide between front and back of hosue#was INTENSE when i joined. and there i was a little state school girlie and the chefs immediately recognised that#and took me under their wing. so even though the class angle doesnt exist so much anymore and theres majority state schoolers#im still very much in with the chefs in a way not many of the other floor staff are. and there's also the fact im not scared of them#like chefs ARE rude and a lot of them DONT like or even respect floor staff but i will GLADLY tell them to fuck off if i think it necessary#and that's a language they understand like ironically there's one chef that doesnt get on with ANY of the waitresses#(i talked about him on another post he's the soup one) but he likes me bc when he tried that rude dismissive act i told him to shove it#and now the other waitresses literally SEND ME TO TALK TO HIM when they have questions/want something bc they know he'll listen to me#and me and the head chef are besties and the one kp will talk OVER THE OTHER WAITRESSES' heads and completely blank them#so she can talk to me and it's all just really funny bc the kitchen staff LOVE me and that's not even me being arrogant#it's like a known thing at work that they love me and im just. a 20 year old 5'2 waitress with my little pearl necklace and blouse#and some tattooed ginger mohawked 6ft chef is there getting angry for me when i come in complaining about a table#or the kp that is literally on probation will give me a sticky toffee pudding and tell everyone to leave me the fuck alone LMAO#hella slaves to capitalism
54 notes
·
View notes
Note
re: your tags in your reblog about how taylor hasn't felt the need to fly back to the states during the euro leg and how travis was the one to go to her during his off season and the surprise pikachu of it all for her. think there are several things that have elicited that reaction from her where she's realized no, it didn't have to be the way it was despite maybe being made to feel the opposite at the time
Yup.
Again this is probably veering close to territory I don't/shouldn't get into on main because ultimately I don't think there's anything to add and it's all stuff we'll never know.
That being said, lol, I think there's been a lot in the last year that Taylor's discovered that has made her wonder about why she felt she needed to do things the way she did, and I don't even just mean in terms of her relationship. We've all kind of seen her blossoming in ways I suspect surprised even her.
But relationship-wise, I wouldn't be surprised if the way things seem to have felt easy and secure from the start with Travis made her wonder why it couldn't have been with other people in the past (ahem) and more than a little angry for a bit about how easy it is for her current partner to be supportive in a way that comes naturally when her previous one(s)... was(were) not. Obviously I can't speak for Taylor, but I certainly would have a moment of Petty Betty-ness for a little bit.
#Pouring out my heart to a stranger but I didn't pour the whiskey#Anonymous#i still wonder if that's part of why there were some low-key clapbacks last fall#between the surprise songs and some media responses and--#you know#lol this feels analogous to when I started my new job after getting laid off from my old one that I'd been at for nearly 10 years#and how I spent years being underpaid and having shitty schedules and ending up with like actual months-worth of vacation time#because i was never able to take it#and it was just the way it was but I stayed for so long because it was like 'family'#and then i started my new job (albeit in a new field in some ways) and I got paid way more and better hours and a super supportive boss#who like nurtured my desire to grow and move up#instead of my old boss who I considered a friend who was like 'lol we're cutting your hours so that you're not full time anymore#but you're a super valued member of the team and we can't do this without you!'#anyway i nearly cried the first time I heard it's time to go and then got laid off weeks later lmao#and I had a crying breakdown after I started my new job because i was like 'things can be this easy????'#'i don't have to struggle paycheque to paycheque and i don't have to work 7 days a week on the whims of others' schedules???'#'and I can actually have a life and not feel guilted for not being a team player???' anyway lol
7 notes
·
View notes
Text
feels like the isolation is a gushing wound and going to the centre is just a small bandage. i think perhaps i am not really ever going to feel okay unless something miraculous happens. i am retaining some semblance of sanity now that I'm leaving the house and socializing with non-family more than once a week, but i am still hurting more than I can really tolerate and I don't know what to do about it. there doesn't seem to be a fix for this that I can enact.
#part of me wonders if going to the centre is helping or hurting more#but i think it's definitely helping more. however it is definitely also hurting/making some things worse#i just wish I could be operating at the same level as most of society#and i feel so egotistical when I talk abt this#but like. why am i always so fucking aware of every single thing going on#and everyone else is just painfully oblivious#I AM USING HYPERBOLE. ITS NOT EVERYONE. i know im not the only person ever lmao#when i got my autism diagnosis i thought oh good okay so THIS is why im such a freak#and now I've met so many other autistic ppl irl and um. no. no thats definitely not it still.#yes its probably part of it but im also just. so fucking traumatized i guess idk. i hate this so much#i just want to be the same and fit in and not be analyzing everything and be able to actually speak my mind#and not be so kind and polite and respectful all the time and be able to say shitty stupid things without thinking anything of it#im so tired of being the only one who seems to care so much about everyone else's comfort and feelings#but also at the same time i would hate if i acted like everyone else bc i know how shitty it makes people feel#and people are always so happy to see me because I am useful and make them feel good and comfortable and heard#and that matters. that means a lot to people i think. but also I am not a person. i am a tool.#and I'd really like to be a person#i somehow feel like im operating at a higher level/awareness than almost everyone irl and also way below everyone at the same time#like im so hyperaware of everyone else more than most ppl but im also so socially inept sometimes. and just... idk how to be a person.#i dont know i just want to not be like this. its so lonely and tiring and i want to matter to people#i want them to like me for more than just what I'm able to do for them. I want to be liked for Me i guess. but Me isnt likeable maybe#Me is uncomfortable for people. Me is a trembling cornered prey animal with a longing to tell stories but is too afraid to do anything#and so Me just exists in a hollow shell made out of people-pleasing and fawning and mirroring everyone around them#and then i get lonelier and more isolated and nothing really changes. but every time i try to crack open the shell a little it goes badly#like i genuinely dont think its my paranoia. i think it is not Safe for Me to exist properly.#i am too sensitive probably! but it does very much feel like a raw wound that peope jab aggressively at when i open up a little!#boy howdy i sound like such a wuss. i mean i probably am one fjfkdl#i just feel like I keep trying to fix things and improve and try new things and nothing ever really works well#my counsellors have always commented on how impressed they are at my willingness to try things#and its like ?? yeah ! ofc i am going to try things! maybe that will be smth that finally helps!
8 notes
·
View notes
Text
Pictured: me when I see yet another post about Aylin "breaking her oath" and "her mother disowning her" going viral and endless inane comments suddenly flooding Aylin-related tags and searches (again) when I'm already starving.
#including the full experience of people stating the most random-ass things as fact with such incredible confidence it boggles the mind#dispatches from the salt mines#FLAMES ON THE SIDE OF MY FACE#etc etc#shitty gotchas against selune and tearing aylin down in so many ways... a popular pastime for some reason#people literally going “wow ketheric was right” and i'm sitting here in borderline awe at this point lmao#still... i will die on this hill it seems#me screaming DO YOU PEOPLE KNOW WHAT A PALADIN EVEN IS into a pillow to not freak out my neighbours#bless you modded isobel playthrough source of so many reaction images#baldur's gate 3
13 notes
·
View notes
Text
🐰🌧️
#so on my way home..#i walked by a school and besides the fact that i felt so depressed bc just looking at these kids and adults i have NO hope for the future#i saw two boys on a bench as i walked by... and i just thought they were talking. and too late i realized that no one of the boys were#bullying the other boy. the bully walked away and the other boy just sat there looking so lifeless and dejected#a teacher came and sat down w that boy and i just kept walking. even if i wanted to say smth it's like what would i even do abt that situati#that made me so sad both bc that boy.. he looked so dejected and used to it. that anxiety going to school knowing you're bullied is awful#and like i imagined talking to him and saying heyyy if you're lucky you'll grow up to be 25yrs old#live like a parasite off your mom and be on wellfare and never have had a job :)#you'll have no education or highschool diploma :) you will still struggle to finish hs even at an easier level :)#you will also not have had friends in 10yrs and you'll be terrified of ppl and getting close to anyone and even going outside!!#you'll have no interests and hobbies and skills! you'll simply be a waste of space loser being a burden on everyone around u!#whoop whoop stay alive buddy it will only get worse ❤️#god i just wanna cry. how did i let my life turn out this way??? i used to be full of dreams and life and passion and HOPE#i used to believe in things and in people. i had so many dreams and i wanted to try and do so many things#now all i can think is 'i wanna die i wanna die i wanna die'. im miserable wherever i go lmao#there's this bridge over the highway i have to cross when i walk to school and every time i look down at the trafic and when a truck drives#by i feel my entire body vibrate. i just wanna jump and get mauled by it.#or i dont *want* to but i feel so deeply and desperately that it's the only way for me#only way to make it stop hurting. and i am weak. i dont know how to just 'stop' or take control of my life. thats why i wanna die#bc i know that i wont be able to. that my life will never amount to anything#for fuck's sake my dream now is just to have my own 1bedroom apartment and have a shitty job - like in a grocery store or whatever!!!!!#not even that can i make happen! bc im so worthless i cant do anything. im also stupid so i wouldnt be able to do my job right#i dont know... i dont know... these feelings and thoughts are too much i just wanna relax#but i cant bc my ribs hurt and idk if it's heartburn or an ulcer 💀 why am i even alive???? what am i doing all this for? 😭#my thoughts ran away but i meant like seeing that reminded me of how much of a failure i became#bc of my circumstances and all the shitty ppl around me thru out my life
15 notes
·
View notes
Text
I fucking HATE how the fandom treats m.ine. it's so bad 😭
#ash rambles 💚#so many shitty takes... too much time on twitter ruins a man#i hear one more person call him a crazy obsessive yandere and i think I'm actually gonna lose it#he's either portrayed like that or as one half of a ship#his actual character is lost on so many people because oOoOOoOOooOoO mInE wAs GaY#i dont doubt that he likes men. it's just that I've seen so many people be weird about it-#also. it's not fucking sexy to wanna kill your partner. a bullet between the eyes isn't an act of love.#I saw a tweet today about how m.ine actually wanted to kill k.iryu because he thought d.aigo liked k.iryu romantically#and m.ine only wants d.aigo to himself. and THAT'S why m.ine wanted to kill k.iryu.#let that sink in. 😐.#i hate how the fandom treats him SO MUCH#i will sit in my corner here. and i will kiss m#m.ine. and we will kiss a lot. and things are good. we are happy. we are far away from all of that.#I'm not saying every fan of his is horrible. I've seen a lot of great stuff and content! but holy shit I've seen some horrible stuff too#and it's hard to not feel like I'm doing something wrong by shipping with him. by loving a guy who the world has always hated.#and ofc I'm not! but still! even whenever i rb content of him here I'm always so afraid ajdhajsj#like ah yes this is the day i finally get cancelled on tumblr dot com for (checks notes) ... shipping with y.oshitaka m.ine??#I'm honestly afraid to take him up to being an official f/o ajdhajsb i think he'll stay in crush jail a little while longer..#i hate how the fandom perceives him so much!!!!!!! i also just hate the y.akuza fandom in general lmao#i do also like k.iryu so.. I've seen shit 😐#I'll delete this later but oh boy i am in a mood#and i know this isnt the first time I've blogged about this#and for that i do apologize. but i really do love this guy and despite wanting to look for content of him i always end up finding the most#infuriating shit!#i know he's done fucked up things. he's not a great guy. but! our relationship is built on mutual trust and i will NEVER write any of that#creepy obsessive shit that the stupid fandom always portrays him as doing! he's not going to kill someone for getting too close to me-#I'm just... upset- get behind me honey! I'll shield you!#and by kissing him I'm not brushing over any of the shit he does in the game. yes he beheaded that guy. yeah he slapped that orphan.#but i adore him and omg i hit tag limit... oopsie daisy lol sorry guys 😭 I'm really sorry for always talking abt this#you were beautiful 💸
3 notes
·
View notes
Text
actually at a point where i just forget what happens to jeremy in canon sometimes. my brain is just like "oh i love him so much <3 isn't it great that nothing bad happened to him— [ remembers playing fna.f2 ] —in an. in an AU. that nothing bad happened in my au. he's fine."
#☽—— ⸢ ooc ⸥#f n a f /#.tbd.#once again waving my AU where him & michael DO move into that shitty apartment#but like. the only MAJOR thing that's different is that jeremy doesn't get Bit#& also that he's there as the surprising voice of reason as michael makes Poor Choices regarding the other games#idk there is SOMETHING abt like. Guy Who Knows Firsthand How Dangerous The Anima.tronics Are#watching his best friend/boyfriend just like. continually walk into these fucking places LMAO#in all honesty i could go crazy with AUs for jeremy. quick william inject him with remnant or whatever!#<- literally just because SB au jeremy would be so funny to me but only if he's still stuck with SB au michael.#sees an advertisement for the piz.zaplex and is just head in hands. when will it end.
4 notes
·
View notes