#is my bread and butter lmao

[wildernessuntothemselves]

For the moon never beams, without bringing me dreams

Of the beautiful Annabel Lee;

And the stars never rise, but I feel the bright eyes

Of the beautiful Annabel Lee;

And so, all the night-tide, I lie down by the side

Of my darling—my darling—my life and my bride,

In her sepulchre there by the sea,

In her tomb by the sounding sea.

Beomgyu's voice breaks completely on the ‘my life and my bride’ line and by the time he finishes the poem, he is openly crying. You’re crying too, and hugging him tightly to you. You’re sure you’re both making quite the spectacle of yourselves but you don’t care. You hold him so tightly your fingers turn white and he does the same. You feel a sense of loss so intense and vivid, it's as if you've lived it. You’re scared that if you let him go, you’ll be torn away from him just like in the poem. 

“Why–” He sobs, “Why did they have to be torn apart?” 

“I don't know, baby.” You bend down to kiss his forehead, not really knowing what to say but wishing to calm him down–calm yourself down and try to shake off the irrational fear that something like this is going to happen to you. “Sometimes life is just cruel.” 

“No. I can't accept that.” He says resolutely, sitting up to face you and reaching out to hold your face in his hands. “Promise you'll never let anything tear us apart.”

“Beomgyu–” 

“Please…” His voice shudders as he tries to speak through his tears. “I can't lose you.” 

“Oh, baby.” You sigh, reaching out to wipe the sparkling tears off his face. Oh, how you'll say and do anything for this beautiful boy. 

“I promise.”

[whiskey-tango-matcha]

Noticing (M, cold)

Ok, so I got an idea and ran with it and it came out as 4.5k words with no sneezing until 2.5k words in (apologies). But this was a super fun write! In it, Reed and Greyson are newly moved in together and Greyson realizes Reed has some quirks he didn't know about. Sick Greyson, if you make it all the way to the snz then I promise he is pretty miserable by the end lmao. I hope you all enjoy, I know I've been MIA for a few weeks, I'm hoping to be around more but in the meantime I'd love to hear your thoughts on this one. Anyway, enjoy!

CW: Male snz, cold, some coughing. A lil relationship angst. Nothing too crazy in this one.

Noticing

The moment they moved in together, Greyson realized that Reed was… let’s just say a different breed of human than he was used to cohabitating with.

This wasn’t to say that a different breed was bad; quite the opposite, in most ways that mattered. Every roommate Greyson ever had could have been affectionately referred to as a swamp garbage monster from hell; dishes were done by Greyson and only him, and that was when he could actually get to them. Laundry littered the floor of the apartment, and not just the bedrooms but the living room and even kitchen floors, and the fridge would’ve been better classified as a biomedical waste bin.

Then there had been his brief stint of life with Collin. Collin wasn’t a swamp monster, but that didn’t mean he wasn’t a monster at all; Collin was what Greyson called the ‘everything-in-its-place’ monster. There wasn’t a single day that went by in their month-long living partner stint where Collin wasn’t berating Greyson about his toothbrush being on the wrong side of the sink, or his shoes being on the wrong side of the closet. As disgusting as it was, Greyson knew that if push came to shove he’d pick a million garbage roommates over a single monster of Collin’s variety.

Greyson had made it a point throughout his late twenties and into his thirties to live alone if he could, even if it meant taking the train an hour one way to work every day. He’d enjoyed his time alone, having everything where he wanted it, a home that most would call a bachelor pad, but without all the grime. Having something just for himself, especially after the disaster that was Collin, had felt safe. Comfortable. Easy.

The decision to move in with Reed had felt easy and comfortable too when he’d agreed to do it, though. It had felt safe, and he knew it was; it was just hard to give up the life he was used to, especially since he was once again moving into someone else’s space. The new apartment was… incredible. But it was Reed’s.

Reed’s life revolved almost completely around his apartment, Greyson quickly realized. His boyfriend worked from home, and worked a lot – there were nights when Greyson would stumble out of bed at three a.m. to pee, only to realize Reed was in his office typing away.

“If I get an idea, I have to write it out,” Reed had explained one morning when Greyson confronted him about it. “If I wait and go back to bed, it’ll be gone.”

Greyson could understand this; after all, he kept a notebook on him at all times for writing down ideas for menus or recipes. Creative force struck when it struck, he supposed. What he couldn’t understand was the absolutely insane schedule his boyfriend stuck to during the day.

“Honey, you don’t work from home so it’s hard for you to understand,” Reed had said when Greyson asked about the hour-by-hour, day-by-day schedule Reed kept on a bulletin board over his desk. “You really have to keep yourself on task in this line of work.”

“Yeah, I get that, babe,” Greyson said. “But I mean… you’re scheduling bathroom breaks. You work next to your bathroom.”

Reed had shrugged. “Sometimes I forget.”

Sometimes you forget?? Greyson found himself turning this idea over and over in his head the day after his boyfriend had uttered it. When Elijah asked him what he was so distracted by, Greyson couldn’t help but ask, “Have you ever forgotten to go to the bathroom?”

“What the fuck kind of question is that?” Elijah shot back. “Remind me to not ask you what you’re thinking about ever again.”

The schedule didn’t just apply to his work, though; Reed had everything scheduled. A cleaner came every Tuesday at nine a.m. sharp, no exceptions except for holidays. On the first Friday of each month, a man came to change their air filters. Was this a service provided by Reed’s fancy-schmancy apartment? Greyson had asked off-handedly the second month he lived there. Reed had raised an eyebrow at the question.

“Of course not,” he said. “I schedule it.”

“But… why? It’s not like you have any pets. I can change the air filters when they need to be changed,” Greyson offered. Reed’s lips pressed together at this offering, an indication that what he wanted to say and what he would would be two very different things.

“Let’s just keep it the way it is, baby,” he said. “So neither of us forget.”

It wouldn’t have mattered if Greyson forgot something, though, because Reed was not only on top of everything, he was ahead of everything. If Greyson forgot to throw his boxers in the dirty clothes when he got in the shower, they were in the hamper before the steam settled. The first time Reed made him dinner and Greyson offered to clean up after, he was shocked to find that there wasn’t a single dish in the sink to contend with. Even the counters were spotless.

None of this was to say that Greyson felt he’d moved in with a stranger; he knew that Reed was particular, Type A, and just a touch anal retentive before he’d moved in. He just hadn’t realized quite how intense the situation was.

“I don’t see the issue,” Elijah said when Greyson casually brought up the situation over drinks one night. “That sounds like a dream living situation. It’s like you have a free butler. Is he being an asshole about doing everything? It’s not like a Collin situation, is it?”

Greyson took a long pull from his whiskey, signaled the bartender for another. “No,” he said, turning towards his friend, “that’s exactly why it’s weird. He doesn’t say anything about it. I could probably smash all the plates in the cabinet, shred his blankets and shove them down the toilet and then take a shit in our bed and he’d have it cleaned up by the time I got home from work. No questions asked.”

Elijah pressed his lips together, thinking. “I just don’t see how any of this is bad.”

“I’m not saying it’s bad. I’m saying it’s weird.”

“Like you don’t have any weird quirks,” Elijah said, nodding at the bartender’s gesture to pour him another whiskey as well. “C’mon, Grey. Be serious.”

Greyson rubbed a hand down his face. “Yeah, I mean obviously. I’ve just, like… I’ve never lived with anyone like this. I feel like I’m tiptoeing around the house. Remember that Disney movie from way back? Smart House?”

“You are constantly forgetting that I am ten years older than you, asshole. No, I don’t remember fucking Smart House I was busy paying taxes when it came out.”

The chef flipped off his friend, laughing in earnest. “Whatever. It’s like the house is watching me, is what I mean. Which it isn’t, Reed isn’t watching me, obviously, it’s just… a totally different way of living. I don’t know.” Defeated, he knocked back the drink and shrugged, looking down. A hand slid over to pat his arm.

“You love him?” Elijah asked when Greyson looked up at him. A flush bloomed on Greyson’s face, prompting a laugh from Elijah. “Yeah,” the GM said, “you love him. So just accept him for this. It’s a weird quirk, yeah, but I mean it’s better than the alternative.”

“Swamp monster being the alternative?”

“Collin being the alternative,” Elijah corrected. Greyson shuddered. “Exactly.”

That was where he landed; he’d just accept the schedules, and the clean-freak weirdness, and the anticipatory service that would put a five-star hotel to shame. Greyson loved Reed, quirks and all, after all.

There was, however, one quirk Greyson hadn’t realized his boyfriend had – not until three months into living together.

On a Monday in May, Greyson woke up to the sound of Reed on the phone.

This was hardly new; Reed was on the phone near-constantly on days he worked, talking to magazines and news sites, interviewing other chefs and restaurant owners in the city. At first, Greyson assumed this was one of those calls – that is, until he walked into the kitchen and began eavesdropping.

“Thanks for understanding, Melissa. Yep, should be all good by next week, I appreciate it. Mmhmm. I’ll Zelle the partial payment now. Thanks again, hun, see you next week. Buh-bye.”

Greyson raised an eyebrow as Reed hung up the phone. “Was that Melissa the cleaning woman?” Reed nodded, penning something into his day planner.

“Mmhmm,” he said, looking up at his boyfriend and smiling. “Why? Good morning, by the way.”

“Morning,” Greyson said, peeking into Reed’s planner. “Were you calling her off for tomorrow?”

“Yes…?” Reed said, drumming his fingers on the table. “Is that okay?”

“Obviously it’s okay,” Greyson said as he made a coffee in their Keurig. “I mean, I’m just surprised. You’ve never called her off, she comes like fuckin’ clockwork. Do you have some sort of plans?”

Reed shifted uncomfortably on his seat. “Um,” he said, closing the planner. “Sort of.”

Pouring creamer into his coffee, Greyson burst out in a laugh. “Sort of? I’ve lived with you for months, baby. You’ve never sort of had a plan. I’d be shocked if you hadn’t planned your own birth for a specific day.”

“Don’t be silly. No one would ever choose to have a Christmas birthday.”

“Mmm, fair enough,” Greyson said, sitting next to his boyfriend. “Sooo… what’s the plan?”

Again, Reed seemed uncomfortable. “You’re going to think I’m weird if I say it,” he admitted. Greyson snorted out a laugh.

“My love,” he said, cupping Reed’s chin, “that ship has sailed. You are very weird, and I love that about you. Now tell me why you called off Melissa, throwing a wrench in your otherwise-perfectly-curated day.”

Reed pressed his lips together. Then, quietly: “You’re getting sick.”

Greyson reeled back as if Reed had pushed him. “What?” he asked, dumbfounded.

Immediately, Reed set to explaining: “Okay, okay, I know this is bizarre but… um… okay, the explanation is going to sound even more bizarre, I’m now realizing, but you have, um, a tell. When you’re getting sick. And I know that sounds weird or invasive, but I just noticed it last night so I figured I would call off Melissa so that tomorrow you can just sleep instead of, like, listening to the vacuum all day. That’s all.”

The apartment was quiet then. “What’s the tell?” Greyson asked after a long pause.

“Grey, please don’t be mad.”

“I’m not mad, I’m… I don’t even know what I am, honestly. Freaked out?”

“Fuck, I shouldn’t have said anything,” Reed moaned, putting his head between his arms on the table. “I’m so fucking embarrassed.” He lifted his head then, his face red. “Please don’t be upset?”

The wind had been taken out of Greyson’s sails. “I’m really not… upset. Just tell me the tell.”

“You’re mad.”

“I’m not. Tell me why you think I’m getting sick.”

Reed sighed, looking down at his planner. “I just… like details. That’s all.”

“Reed, for God’s sake just tell me.”

“Okay!” Reed said, his embarrassment turning to frustration. “Okay. It’s just… ugh this sounds so weird. Okay, so like… you start to say a couple days before that some food that you love tastes weird, even though it doesn’t. This time it was an orange, you said it tasted rotten - I tried it, it didn’t. Then you’re super cold and moody, you wear your jacket to work even though it isn’t cold. That happened yesterday, then you came home and refused a drink. Those are all tells. So I figured by today when you got home from work, you’d be feeling shitty.” Reed shrugged, an attempt at being blasé that failed miserably with the catch in his voice that meant his embarrassment was about to spill over into tears. “That’s all.”

For a moment, Greyson just nodded – one continuous nod that he couldn’t seem to stop or accompany with words. “Okay,” he said, standing. “Um… I need to go to work. Can we talk about this later?”

“Greyson,” Reed said, desperation clear in his voice. “I promise I didn’t mean this to be so weird. I just… every time you’ve been sick, it’s been the same thing. I’m sorry. I notice patterns, it’s… one of my things, I guess. I don’t want you to think I’m a freak.”

“Reed,” Greyson said, pinching the bridge of his nose, “I need a minute with this one. Okay? That’s it. I’m not mad, I just need… a minute.”

They stood in silence then, a stand-off with no winner or loser. “Okay,” Reed said finally. “Have a good day.”

Greyson went to the bedroom then, put on his work clothes, and gathered his backpack. What the ever loving fuck, he thought as he left without saying goodbye, was that?

***

“I mean, yeah, boss, that’s kind of weird I guess.”

This was not the reaction he’d been hoping for from Matt. “What do you mean kind of weird?” Greyson said, throwing his hands in the air. “He’s, like, stalking my habits. Keeping tabs on me. It’s insanity, Matt.”

The sous just shrugged, noncommittal, and continued chopping onions. “First off, I think you’re blowing this out of proportion. He’s watching your habits because he cares about you. It’s called intimacy. And second, I don’t know how to tell you this, Chef,” he said, glancing up, “but you do kind of have a tell when you’re getting sick.”

What kind of fucking nega-universe am I living in right now? Greyson thought, slamming his knife on the cutting board. “I do not have a tell,” he said. Matt glanced to the side, silent. “I don’t, Matt.”

“You don’t what?” Mark glided into the conversation, popping a cherry tomato from his boyfriend’s prep station into his mouth. Greyson took this opportunity gladly.

“Mark, glad you’re here,” Greyson said, turning away from his sous. “Random question: can you tell if Mark is getting sick?”

The floor manager furrowed his eyebrows together, looking Matt over. “Are you sick?” he asked his boyfriend.

“No,” Matt said. “But Greyson is.”

“Oh, my God no I am not,” Greyson insisted, throwing his arms over his head. “Never mind, Mark. Go.”

“Snippy,” Mark said. A knowing look passed between Mark and Matt then. “I’ll let Elijah know.”

No shot in hell this is my life, Greyson thought, looking wildly around the prep kitchen. “What the fuck is happening right now? I’m – HRRTSHH-ue!”

Silence fell over the back kitchen as Greyson ducked into his elbow. Then Elijah, from the office up front: “Oh, fuck off, I knew you were getting sick!”

Matt and Mark cackled while Greyson attempted to quell the volley of sneezes he knew were on that first’s heel. “You guys are asshoo – assholessITSZCH-ue! Hh - ! HETSZH-ue!”

“Bless, Chef,” Matt said, still laughing. The blessing made Mark literally double over, unable to catch his breath. Greyson glowered at the two of them as he yanked a handful of paper towels out of the dispenser and blew his nose. This is fucking humiliating, he found himself thinking.

“Shit, sorry Chef,” Mark said, finally catching his breath. Matt wiped a hysterical tear from his eye. “It’s just… I mean, it’s always so easy to tell when you’re sick. Can I get you some medicine from up front?” “No, Mark, you cannot get me some medicine,” Greyson grumbled. “You can go to the front and do your fucking job, though.”

Greyson could see Mark bite his cheek to keep from laughing again. “Yes, sir,” he said, disappearing from the back kitchen. On a roll, Greyson whirled around on his heels to point at his sous.

“And you,” he said, “finish up this prep. I’m going to the office.”

Matt just nodded, the smile on his face betraying his thoughts. “Yes, Chef,” he said.

As he stomped, defeated, to the front office, Greyson checked his phone. One new message.

11:52AM

Reed

hi, love. just wanted to make sure you’re having a good day. sorry again for my weirdness. love you.

God-fucking-dammit.

***

It had been a running joke from the time he was a kid.

Greyson, the go-til-you-drop expert. Greyson, the workhorse. Greyson, who wouldn’t know he’d been hit by a bus until someone else forced him into an ambulance. It was weird, he guessed, but it was what it was; he didn’t realize he was sick until it hit him because he was working. He was busy. That was how it always had been.

“Would you get in the office and take some fucking Dayquil, please?” Elijah plucked the knife from Greyson’s hand as he ducked under the prep station to stifle a flurry of coughs into his jacket. “We already said we’re sorry for embarrassing you, now go take something.”

Unwilling to give in, Greyson just shook his head and yanked his knife back from Elijah’s hands. “You didn’t embarrass mbe because I’mb ndot sick.”

“Uh huh,” Elijah said, crossing his arms. “Could you say that again?”

“Say what again?”

“‘I’m not sick’.”

Greyson rolled his eyes. “I’mb ndot sick.”

“‘I’mb ndot sick’,” Elijah parroted back, his consonants purposely dulled. “That’s crazy, that’s exactly how well people sound when they say that.”

Greyson’s face flamed. “Fuck off, Elijahhh – ahhTXSH-uhh!” An attempt to stifle a sneeze that immediately backfired. “HRSHH-ue! Huh -! HhhITSZCHH-ue!”

Taking pity, Elijah took the few steps to the office and grabbed a box of tissues. He placed it in front of the chef’s face and, begrudgingly, Greyson pulled out a few. “Bless you,” Elijah said, pointedly.

“You kndow what I miss,” Greyson asked, wiping his nose and sucking in, fruitlessly. Elijah raised his eyebrows as if to say, What? “I miss when I first started here and you were so clueless and self-involved that you didn’t ndotice I was walking around the kitchen with the fuckigg flu. I mbiss clueless Elijah. At least he wasn’t up mby ass twenty-four-seven.”

Elijah barked out a laugh. “You do not miss that,” he said. “You couldn’t even handle an afternoon of me not realizing you were sick. You were so downright offended that I hadn’t noticed you were sick that you literally went off on me. Please, Greyson. You can play the I’m-not-sick card all you want, but don’t pretend you don’t like the attention.”

At this, Greyson balked. “Are you calling mbe an attention whore?”

“Grey, of course I’m calling you an attention whore,” Elijah exploded, throwing his hands in the air. “Someone who isn’t an attention whore doesn’t turn a weird fight with his boyfriend into a day-long diatribe at work. You think Reed realized you were getting sick because he’s stalking your movements? Please, Grey. He realized it because you do the same damn thing every time – you sulk around work for a day or two, complaining about the thermostat being wrong in the kitchen. Your taste is off, and every dish Matt brings to you for editing doesn’t have enough salt. Then you come into work one day in a bad mood and seemingly out of nowhere start sneezing and coughing and shit. It’s like clockwork.”

The two of them stood there for a moment, silent. Despite it all, Greyson was in a bit of shock – was he really that obvious? How the fuck did everyone else realize he was sick before it ever even dawned on him? “It’s like that every time?” he asked, finally. Elijah nodded.

“Every time,” he said. “I thought you were always just trying to soft-launch your illness before it hit, get us all ready for a few days of you being an asshole.”

Was that what he was doing? Now Greyson was having a hard time even trusting his own brain – but no, that couldn’t have been his intention. He’d never even noticed before when he was getting sick. He figured that’s how everyone was; one day you’re fine, the next you’re on your ass.

“I’mb gonna keep it really real with you, Lij,” Greyson said, rubbing the back of his neck. “I’ve ndever ndoticed that I did any of that. HRRTSHH-uhh! Fugck.” He grabbed another handful of tissues from the box beside him and wiped his nose. “I thought ‘getting sick’ was, like, a myth. You either are or you aren’t.”

Elijah closed his eyes and took a deep breath. “You… are a different breed, Greyson Abbott,” he said, gathering himself. “You’ve never, like, taken inventory of how you’re feeling? Ever?”

“I mean, if I’mb forced to,” Greyson said, coughing into a fist. “Like ndow I am.”

“So you’re saying the only time you think about how you’re feeling is when you’re already down bad.”

“Uhh. Yes,” Greyson admitted, sniffling. “Pretty much.”

Elijah cracked his neck then, as if gearing up for a fight. “Get help, Grey,” he said, laughing. “That’s fucking crazy work.”

But it was true. From the time he was young, Greyson was busy. Sports as a teen, then restaurants the second he graduated – there simply wasn’t time to take inventory of how he was feeling. Taking inventory meant spending time thinking about how shitty things were, or could be, or would be eventually. In all honesty, Greyson had no interest in thinking about how or when things would all fall apart. They always did, eventually. No need to dwell on it.

Again, the two of them stood in silence, until finally Greyson broke the tension. “You said we have Dayquil?” he asked. Elijah just nodded.

“Want me to bring you some?”

“Yeah. Thanks, boss.”

***

By nine p.m., Greyson so done, if he were a steak you’d need a bone saw to cut through him.

“Huh-!” For the millionth time that evening, Greyson’s breath hitched painfully, and he folded completely in half to -

“HRRTSZHH-ue! Huh...hhITZHCHH-ue! ETSCHH-ue! Huh -! Hhnnn… Fuckigg – HRRETSZH-ue!”

“Bless, Chef,” the cooks called. Matt raised his eyebrows at his boss from behind the line.

“Ready to admit defeat yet?” he asked as another ticket printed. Fuck, Greyson thought, pulling the ticket. Yes, I fucking am.

“Order ind,” Greyson called, his voice dipping on the second word. “Two scallops, one ribeye. HRRTSHH-uhh!”

“Yes, Chef. Bless, Chef,” called the cooks.

Okay. Even he knew when it was time to call it.

“Mbatt, combe expo,” Greyson said, yanking his apron off. “I’mb going home, I’m fuckigg dying.”

Matt just nodded and walked around his coworkers to the other side of the line. “Feel better, Chef,” he said, pulling another ticket. “Order in.”

Greyson trudged to the office and slammed the door. Fucking Reed. Fucking Matt. Fucking Elijah, he thought, unbuttoning his coat and yanking his hoodie over his head. Just as he was about to open the door to leave, someone knocked timidly. “Come in, ndo one’s naked,” Greyson muttered.

Elijah opened the door and stood in the entry. “Admitting defeat?” he echoed the sous. Greyson rolled his eyes painfully.

“I guess,” he said, coughing into the sleeve of his jacket. “Gotta go face the all-seeing-eye at home. Can’t wait.” Elijah nodded, shifting from foot to foot as if weighing what he wanted to say next.

“Greyson,” Elijah said finally; gently, carefully. “I know what you’re used to. We all know what you’re used to, and it’s what Collin gave you. Neglect. Nothing. I get it, dude. You aren’t used to a partner really caring about you. But Reed? He’s like us, like me and Mark and Matt. He cares about you.” Elijah shrugged. “Let him.”

Even if he didn’t feel like shit, Greyson probably would’ve teared up. As it stood, he felt the tears fall down his face before he could even look away. “What happens whend he leaves?” he asked, his voice small. Elijah placed a hand on his friend’s shoulder, looked him in the eye.

“What happens if he doesn’t?”

***

When he walked in the door, Greyson was surprised to find that the TV was on and Reed was nowhere to be found. The TV was almost never on in this apartment, and Greyson could almost always hear the click-clack of Reed’s keyboard when he walked in, no matter the time.

“Reed?” Greyson called, his voice straining. “Are you hombe?”

From the bedroom, Greyson heard a crash, then a “Fuck,” then suddenly Reed was standing in front of him in a t-shirt and pajama pants, looking very much not like his usual put-together self.

“Grey,” he said, throwing his arms around Greyson’s neck, “you came back.”

Greyson pulled back, looking at Reed’s face – had he been crying? “Of course I cambe back,” he said. “What do you meee – HRRTSCHH-ue! Fuck, ’scuse mbe.” Greyson wiped his nose on his jacket and Reed, ever-prepared, handed him a box of tissues from the entry table next to them.

“Bless you,” Reed said. “I mean… you never answered my text. You kinda stormed out this morning I figured… I don’t know. I had freaked you out too hard and you were done with me.” He shrugged, one hang wringing the other. “I’m sorry for being such a freak.”

Gently, Greyson pulled Reed’s hands away from one another, placed them on his own face. “Please don’t be sorry. You’re ndot a freak,” he said. “You’re just… you care. And I’mb ndot used to that. That’s on mbe, Reed. Ndot you. Caring, noticing… it’s a good thing.” He smiled then. “It’s something I admire about you. I’mb sorry I’ve never said it.”

Reed looked down, blushing. “You’re really warm,” he said, finally. Greyson coughed out a laugh.

“You’re also a bit of a prophet,” he said. “I feel like dog shit.”

Tutting, Reed moved one of his hands from Greyson’s cheek to his forehead. “Want me to get you some ibuprofen? Or I can make you tea, we have a ton, or let me run you a bath, or -”

“What I want,” Greyson cut him off, pulled him close, “is to go sit ond that couch. With you. And rot for the next few hours. Mbaybe order Doordash.” He coughed into his sleeve again, then, prompting Reed to attention once again.

“Shit, I should’ve made dinner or something, I honestly was just so worried you weren’t coming back I haven’t done anything today, I’m sorry baby I should’ve -”

“Hey,” Greyson said, pulling him back. “I just want you. I don’t want you to do sombething for mbe, or get something for mbe, or mbake something. I just want to be with you. Is that ok?”

Reed stopped in his tracks. “You don’t want anything?”

“Just you,” Greyson said. “And – HRRTSSH-ue! Snrf. And mbaybe the tissues.”

A smile spread across Reed’s face then. “I can handle that.”

[rondoel]

some doodles from summer 2k23

[corntired]

Fanfiction is so goated actually

No monetary incentive, just writing in one's free time. Some incentive for like kudos and comments, because who doesn't want to hear that someone else enjoyed what they wrote. Just writing a story that is good and/or enjoyable, no real-life pressure to keep it going because god forbid you and other people are depending on it financially.

Writing a story because you want to write a good story, so you can write what they want the way you want, at a pace that is realistic for you, with exactly the plot pacing you want there to be.

[catboypines]

hey guys if i see another billdip vs billford poll i might ram my fist through my head <3 in fact can we stop with the comparison altogether lol. CLEARLY theyre the same but also completely different we’ve all elaborated enough on that. idc which one u like they both equally suck because bill is the worst. now lets go back to making whichever one we like better (for some weird unknowable reasons) kiss in our heads and go about our day. PLEASE

[explodingstarlight]

ngl I was in the mood to draw an unhinged character today and I’ve been eyeing @snailsnaps "Programmed Obsolescence" AU for a hot second so,,,

AU Playlist (for funsies)

[kissingarthurclaus]

'Came a time, where every starfall brought you to tears again

We are the very hurt you sold'

Based on my own challenge to redraw your self ship as the MCR album cover uwu

Taglist♡: @me-myself-and-my-fos @tiny-cloud-of-flowers @sunstar-of-the-north @dearly-beeloved @adoredbyalatus @changeling-selfship @crushes-georg @cherry-bomb-ships @rosieaurora @rejaytionships @sunflawyer @in-true-blue-love @tropicalgothships @hotrodharts @1980ssunflower

[bunnyboy-juice]

guys look at these cinnamon rolls i made for a work gathering

the left ones are plain, the right ones have chopped apples inside c: i ran out of time before i could make icing but they were still a hit

[lilybug-02]

@purplebehittindifferent

to anyone who is gluten-free or really just wanting an easy cookie recipe. This is the one. Best cookies ever.

[b4kuch1n]

Your swsh art always makes me want to replay the game because i love it and its my favorite pokemon game and every time i play another pokemon game i think of it how i miss certain elements from swsh. Then i boot up the game and im once again caught in the 1 hour 40 minutes hand held intro and im like ah- now i remember why i have been playing other pokemon games instead of this one. Happy (late?) birthday!

you don't want to listen to hop? you don't want to hear him teach you about type matchups? you don't wanna let him cheer u on...? 🥺 waa....?

[ohbo-ohno]

🗑️Are you there god? it's me Trash. Again. First of all, happy valentines, i know Eros giggles and kicks his feet when he reads your blog.

Second of all: i remember reading (don't know where) a hc where Ghost would cane/bruise the bottom of johnny's feet and i'd just like to imagine what ghost would do if either johnny/reader (or both) were to try running away from him after he'd captured them or something.

I imagine a scene where, after thorough stalking his prey, he takes them from their home (or convinces them to leave, up to you) and once they're inside his place, he keeps them there isolated.

Time passes, and a few weeks after new years, he's called back in for mission/work (again up to your imagination, point is, he's gone for an extended period of time) and of course, Johnny tries to escape during his absence. He leaves wearing nothing but the clothes on his back and books it. Only, problem is he finds himself in the middle of a dense forest. Nowhere to run, and in the winter, where the sky is a constant grey and the light of the sun is hard to pinpoint, his sense of direction is skewed.

He travels as far as he can, trying to go upstream from a river he found nearby, but nothing comes of it. In the end, he finds himself alone and scared- night is falling, and he can hear the howls of something in the distance, but the longer he stays there the closer it gets.

he tries to find his way back, before the forest eats him up alive, and he nearly sighs in relief when he sees smoke in the distance, back where he came from. As he heads back, dread starts to fill him- he hadn't left the fireplace on when he left. It means only one thing: Ghost is back, and likely, he's realized johnny is missing. Johnny can only hope that Ghost has left the house in search of him, and that by the time he sneaks back in, he can play it off as having been hiding in the house.

Except Ghost is sitting on his leather chair, facing the door, book in hand but clearly awaiting him. Johnny can do nothing but stand there, cold, shivering, angry at the world and at himself. But it's even worse when Ghost puts the book down, and clicks his tongue, something he only ever does in dissapointment. Johnny, strangely, feels ashamed of what he did, at least for an instant. Like a dog misbehaving when his owner's not there.

then his temper manifests itself: why should he be ashamed?! He's been kidnapped by this lunatic and forced to live in this place. He has every right to be mad. So he lashed out, yells, even tries to attack ghost, but all the man does is calmly disarm him, putting him in a hold and using his weight to keep him on the floor, arms behind his back.

Ghost, as any owner worth their salt should do (Ghost has skimmed through Dog Training for Dummies once and never looked back) makes quick work of punishing Johnny for such drasticly negative behavior. Locking johnny in his crate everytime he b=misbehaves seems to be doing little to tamp down his negative energy, so instead Ghost will simply try the one thing that has never failed him: the cane.

It's tough, watching his puppy, tied up and whining, tears flowing down his face as his feet are hit time and time again, but Ghost solifies his resolve and keeps going until he thinks he's done enough. Johnny will learn that this was all for his sake, that it will get worse before it gets better.

Johnny seems to understand in the end, and never tries to do what he did again. Ghost won't lie and say that watching his boy crawl around on the floor like the dog he is meant to be, does not strike his heart with pure obsession love.

Johnny, for his part, learns that simply doing what Ghost asks of him is better than running away. Having his will bent to Ghost's liking is better than being broken.

i fucking LOVE the whole "owner canes his puppy's feet for walking thing"!! i almost wrote it for kinktober actually, but i was behind on my posts and day of i wasn't in the mood for severe sadism, so i went with voyeurism instead (i talked about it a little here and here hehe)

also im so so fully obsessed with this scenario?? trash babe you have GOT to start writing some of these thoughts and posting them in full somewhere because you have a FANTASTIC mind

like i would love love love to add to this... but babe you've sent me something fantastic here, i really don't want to add to it bc it feels so Whole. tysm for sending it in!!!!!

[anarchismnow]

I had a vision of an anarchist future growing in my head. There were 3 major roles for people who looked after the citizens. I called the main two Home Makers, and Statitions. The final extra is a guild of people, my brain calls them the judge club, or judging guild, or pickers group. All fun, but efficient.

Home Makers - like their namesake - look after a larger number of people. Their job is to know all their neighbours, to talk with them, to know what is going on in the town and make sure the relevant info gets to it's target audience.

The second group, the Statitions, collect basic information from people. They are efficient. They know what wants to do what, basically. They know basically where it happens. They get info from all the homemakers, but peoples ids remain anonymous if that works best.

These groups get together pretty often, work together hand in hand. In meetings, or private, or whatever, a Homemaker can mention an interest in the people they look out for, and a statition can see if other districts agree, and can then set up the thing to make it happen.

Judges are for when things go wrong. I use the example of a back or front end collision, where the person in the wrong gets away. Let's say, the person last hit is angry and demands the person behind them be punished. But the person behind them also has car damage, and did nothing wrong. The judges would try and pick an outcome to make both parties happy (their job is to call bullshit if bullshit is there). When person one isn't happy with person twos outcome, the judges may decide to assign the first person some sort of therapy or understanding class or guild service time. The hope would be they would end up happy with the arrangement, because they understood. And if not, they could try and appose it again, only to be sent back to another betterment facility again.

The whole point is that Education is the solution. Free education. It is free. In my ideal anarchoneedsism society (to shove that word in there) there would be clubs covering all the things important to society. Arts, building, healing, teaching. And there would be further splits when specific subgroups became big enough (like a sports club dojo for a larger group of martial artists). These guilds would make sure that people had the right education to be doing what they did.

This society would work via a "needs" focused tech system. There would be a scaling, so the most important tasks would be put at the front. For instance, if the town was building a bridge, the guilds working to make that bridge would be expected to prioritise making those parts. To meet project deadlines or to continue working on that task. After an important task had been completed, they would move onto free time or lower needs pieces. For instance, a personalisation for a persons home, a piece of art. They may also move onto working at a different guild, or on educating themselves further. Or just leave. It's up to them. As long as something is going they're doing good.

So, people live in houses (possibly rooms, or cabins. A capsule hotel for new people. Family housing can be gotten as well, but people start pretty basically) where they are able to socialise and get their needs addressed by their local homemaker (homemaker for the town). If they needed something, it would be logged into the needs system, and a statition would send that order to the right people, or create overall events get togethers and plans to make it happen. And if someone didn't like something they could make a case of it to the judges guild, whose aim is to make both parties happy.

If there was to be a criminal, or someone who did some bad shit, they would be blocked from all adjacent guilds. Like, if a person from a martial arts guild went bloodthirsty on their peers (which they shouldn't, because understanding the damage to a person it causes is a prerequisite for anything martial related) they would be banned from any sports, martial related, or weapon making related guilds. If they were corrupt in management they'd be banned from managing or working in the area affected (and again, their education should stop this before hand)

Since everything is ran locally, if you murder or mess with anyone in town, you risk loosing that whole section. You can have anything you want as long as your society is functioning and the resources are available. It may take a bit of time, but it's yours. No point in trying to cause, well... anarchy in the current common understanding of the word, because it just means it will take longer, or, you will not get what you want. And society won't work and you might die (which, well, it would be basic required equation lmao). So people would know not to do it.

We'd implement a certificate system. Courses should take roughly a month to complete. People could be given a partial certification, which would mean they would have to retake any test to earn it a month later to confirm that the knowledge was still known and consolidated. But, testing would be, just that. A course would outline what you needed to learn, and if you had learned those requirements, then the test should be a breeze.

An additional certification in working together could be acquired. Thus, if there was no doctor and someone hurt themselves, people from other fields of medicine, or with smaller degrees, could work together to address the problem best they could. A surgeon with a foot bone specialist, a muscle specialist and a bone specialist could come together to find a solution. (though people tell me that is already what happens, they're still talking about people who have to study 4-7 years in our current education system, away from small communities or their home communities, to get said degrees. We are talking 3 random ass local peeps getting together to help. With a few courses on human health in certain areas. Doing their very best. Which, if people don't like, judges guild. But it's better if more people know something that nobody has gotten into uni and everyone knows nothing on the topic. Or has to prey unreliable google will give them the perfect answer. Nothing wrong with google but I'd prefer a bit more certainty, yk?) Furthermore, certificates could be suspended, for instance if someone did a bad crime. Their knowledge would still be addressed if the degree was nulled in such a way. So people could transition to a field that used similar skillsets to the one they were leaving. So homemakers or statitions could mention fields where their past knowledge could be made useful again.

Further more, you could just visit and hang around a guild. People could watch, or offer what they could, to guilds where they weren't qualified but were interested. After a while, terminology could be picked up, skills learned. And, thus, a person deciding to get certified could already know most of the information on a test put before them, before they went to lessons. As long as safety is the first priority, people should be allowed to move forth in this manner. (Even if this slowed down the work, or caused some redos to be required, it is creating community well being and happiness to the person trying it out, so it is an acceptable cost if the resources are available and the safety is ensured and prioritised)

With people educated in their specific areas having the skills to communicate with others in areas regarding new projects, the need for government or voting should be all but gone. In places where one group or person will not accept the answer, it is the judges call. The focus is on the well being of humans (their world, their society, their health, their mental health and happiness, and the health of the things around them), meaning that the logical option, the correct one, morally too, would most likely be chosen. Without corruption, monetary gains and such, problems should turn into more logical and need worthy cases. For instance, "you want to build a train line over a small farming section, but that means some food will be lost". Logically, both sides are in the right to complain, and arrangements can be made for both to work out. Maybe a different train route, or more farm land in a different place. And this debate would most likely be brought up (because of homemakers and statitions) before any major steps had been taken. It's easier to work with things earlier in the piece then when the tracks are already partially down. Furthermore, many situations may be worked out without including the judges guild. Because logically, you can come to a conclusion with the facts in front of you, and that they are (or easily found by homemakers and statitions).

So, government happily abolished. Fighting is dealt with. Oh, time for contracts.

Contracts are required to ensure a person gives their consent. Punishments include time away from your passions to learn better, to understand damage caused. But it is beyond that. Each guild and project is usually documented to some degree. A person will sign or label their work. Something like a finger print and visual drawing beside a name. There should be no need to forge any signatures, but once again, judges and records in other areas can confirm, alongside testimonies, that the forger was in the wrong. (EG, forging a certificate which was signed by professors to show legitimacy. Said professors could prove they didn't actually grade or meet with the person who had the certificate. And if the person didn't have the knowledge to have the forged certificate, the certificate would be removed or lost anyway.)

But, for instance, lets say someone wanted an actual slave to live with them. If the slave consented, then they could have this relationship, if they wanted. Some dom/sub relationships are okay and actually appreciated, increasing peoples wellbeing. The certificate would have to be well wrote. Anything that would be done would be on the certificate. One wrong thing and the person could just not sign it. If the person says no, then they have also withdrawn consent, even if something was signed. The person said no for a reason, and the judges guild would hear that reason. With education as punishment, punishment would be more useful and better at creating understanding for wrongs. Uneducated people can cause problems for human well being. So education is the best thing to help both parties.

Even for things like marriage and partnership, contracts may be signed. For public projects, contracts would be signed. For items, there would be paperwork signed, records, contracts that say the item is important to a person. Paperwork that helps owners find lost items. Signatures when individuals have done things (like on what day they accepted to do something. Or, even more important, who did what was needed when. Overwatering plants and overworking people goes against the interests of happy and healthy society. Having signed paperwork and records helps stop any miscommunication that might cause these things.)

...

A town or community should provide its people with the basics required to live. I'm speaking a house / place to stay, 3 meals a day (even if they are basic), shower spots, places and servises to clean clothes, fresh drinking water (recycling water facilities can do it.) Places to do sports, to get care. All of it should be guaranteed. People moving from one place to another should be able to compare who does what and choose what they like. For instance, one community may have a preferred sport of the person, but another may have better playgrounds or a larger education resource library, or a larger field, or, a spa. Idk? But that would be what people would compare. The guilds, the features, the food provided. They'd get to pick what suited them best, based on what the different communities provided and their availability.

People themselves would have a bag or case for belongings. A selection of their belongings would be registered as high priority. Thus, if there was an emergency and things had to be evacuated, these things would be packed and taken to a safe place. They would then be returned to the person, or would be tracked in the system so the person could find where they were. For people, that means certain things would be protected. If you can fit it in the bag, if it stays in the bag, it's not going anywhere. That is what makes it safe.

Other belongings would still be looked after, in emergencies. Different guilds may have dibs on pieces, to make sure they are evacuated efficiently nd kept for prosperity. Prized china, outfits, documents and records, films and books, traditional gear. Tables and chairs and furniture even.

Some houses would be small enough to just be towed away. All stuff saved. But for other families, that would mean they had prized possessions and memories saved. Beyond records, they would have their most needed things. Things that bring them mental health and safety, pleasure and joy, nostalgia and belonging and comfort. Even if all else is lost.

...

As a final thought, I'll leave this: I like to think, in this anarchist society, that a person could request a castle for themselves, and that over the years, they'd get one. That people would think 'why not?' and would slowly do it, just because the project was big, quirky, interesting and weird. A breath of fresh air.

All the crazy things capitalism could dream up would happen better in this crazy anarchist society. I love that, personally.

[gophergal]

I love the discord server Im on now so fucking much. I feel so at home with my awkward ass self

[klingonrealitytelevision]

It's really really cute that Rei plays games specifically for Miri

I've been that person for my brothers and it's a mix of patience and love. You're sharing a thing you love with someone, but in the weirdest way, like you're doing things to show off for the approval of a child who thinks that you're the coolest person for being able to do a certain combo or complete a hard level. To you? It's not that hard, anyone can do it, it's not like you're a professional. But to them? You're an expert, the master at the top of the mountain.

You're playing a game that you normally wouldn't spend that much time on just because it makes them happy and why not? It's not like it's hard, plus you get praise...so...sure I'll get first on a race that you have trouble with (because you're a baby) it's not like it's any skin off my back.

And if you go to school and brag about my abilities? Well, I'm not gonna stop you, go on ahead. (I'm not glad or anything I was just playing a game I was gonna play a game anyway)

[theclearblue]

Oh, you love reading books, too? Can I ask your top 5 favorite (fictional) books ever?

And if you love books, you have to watch/read anime/manga Bungou Stray Dogs. Because most of the characters'names are authors real names! Also, BSD have several light novels...Hope you'll love them, Chen....

Yaaa I got back into reading recently! I worked at a bookstore for a long time years ago but then I fell out of reading until roughly 2-3 months ago but we're so back ashskdgl

Hmm top 5 off the top of my head (in no order as always)

1. Fool's Assassin by Robin Hobb - 2nd book in the first trilogy of The Realm of the Elderlings series and I just reread it, and I know there's even better to come after but I do love Hobb's character work. Takes everything from the first book and makes it better (well, the romance in this book is a lil drawn out lol but it's my only complaint) and the ending just crushes you fr. I love my bisexual disaster Fitzchivalry Farseer <3

2. The Lies of Locke Lamora by Scott Lynch - Heist book with great found family, and with some really exceptional humor and worldbuilding. It's not often I laugh out loud at books but this book consistently has me laughing the jokes in it I still think about sometimes lol. But amongst the humor it has a really big bang of an ending that's quite heavy that shook me to my core lmao it's amazing I 100% reccomend!

3. The Name of the Wind by Patrick Rothfuss - Yeah I know the basic adult fantasy pick but there's a reason people are screaming crying throwing up over the fact it's been-oh my god it's been nearly 14 years since the last one. The characters are great, the world is interesting, but the prose and how Rothfuss is able to write about music was really what hits home and makes it a favorite. Love this book fr fr

4. A Wizard of Earthsea by Ursula K Le Guin- Do you ever wish the Harry Potter books were well written and interesting and not written by a shitty person? This is the book for you! This is a very classic fantasy, with wizards and dragons and magic school, it's a very classic story that's just well done. I would recommend really anything by Le Guin.

5. The Lord of the Rings by J.R.R. Tolkien - You already know why this is on here, it's Lord of the Rings lol

Honorable mentions: The Poppy War by R.F. Kuang, Discworld series by Terry Pratchett (Wyrd Sisters almost made it on but I gotta read more of the series lol), Kindred by Octavia Butler, Words of Radiance by Brandon Sanderson, Uprooted by Naomi Novik, Circe by Madeline Miller, Darker Shades of Magic series by V.E. Schwab, The Color Purple by Alice Walker, Hamlet, The Last Unicorn by Peter S. Beagle, Percy Jackson by Rick Riordan (my childhood nostalgia series lol)

[quiet-admirer]

Oh?

Haha I was staring at this for like 5 minutes because I'd queued that last post and didn't remember I did that lmao

For some reason I'm still working through the idea that I "should" keep this blog more focused on the types of feedism I've made into my niche here and not talk about the many other things that I've kind of opened my mind about in the past year or two. I've had a lot of practice being vulnerable about feedism and not about the newer stuff. I'm someone who mulls and observes before jumping into new things and discussing and writing content about different types of kinks, especially when they're established kink communities I'm less familiar with, feels like a new thing yk? I've been slow to do so, but I'm already branching out here and there and trying to let myself be free a little more every day 😊

But yeah a forcefem puppygirl tf post really spoke to me last night 😅