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number-1-kuaidul-fanboy · 4 years ago

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Why I Can’t Read the Harry Potter Series the Same Way Anymore

(I know this is different from the stuff I usually post on this blog but… frankly I wrote three pages to vent about this and I wanted to publish it somewhere so just bear with me.)

So, I know what this looks like. However, this is not because of the… real life misgivings of J.K. Rowling. As a trans person myself, yes, she is transphobic. Also, she lies about what her books actually contain to seem more progressive than she actually is, like claiming Hermione was always black when she was described and pictured as white in the books and then played by Emma Watson in the movies that Rowling was personally involved with the production of. But that’s not what I’m here to argue because frankly, that’s an old argument and while it does taint my view of the author, it’s not what taints my view of the books.

I should preface this with this: I don’t hate Harry Potter. I read all the books and watched all the movies. I was an active fan of the series for a long time and I still enjoy the world and the characters. Heck, I still sort my friends and characters into Hogwarts houses for the fun of it. However, overtime, some of my issues with this series have started to weigh on my mind more and more as I’ve gotten older. I mentioned the Hogwarts Houses, which while it’s fun to sort characters outside of Harry Potter into these houses, the way they’re handled in the series is lazy at best and problematic at worst. First off, nearly every good character is in Gryffindor, while Slytherin is almost entirely made up of villains. Gryffindor is the designated good house where all the “brave” people go when barely anyone there actually embodies the house traits, besides Neville, Hermione, and maybe Harry. If you wanted a variety of personalities in one place, maybe you shouldn’t have made your sorting system based on personality!

In fact, here’s a whole list of characters who should not be in Gryffindor:

-Ron Weasley (Hufflepuff. He’s super loyal to the point where him leaving his friends in the final book felt out of character)

-Fred and George Weasley (Slytherin, they are some of the most ambitious, cunning characters in the whole series. Opening a joke shop IS an ambition and is a great example of a non-evil ambition.)

-Ginny Weasley (Also ambitious with her Quidditch to the point of spending years sneaking out to practice on a broom before she attended Hogwarts.)

-Percy Weasley (Ambition is his whole thing. He’s even a darker side of ambition. Him coming back to his family would be more meaningful if he were a Slytherin!)

-Dumbledore (Ravenclaw or Slytherin. He manipulated the ever-loving hell out of Harry, which I’ll get to, and is known as clever, wise, and a little eccentric. Either house could’ve been a better fit for him than Gryffindor.)

-Hagrid (Either Hufflepuff or Slytherin. Hufflepuff seems like the best fit for his current personality but Slytherin makes the most sense considering his backstory and history with Tom Riddle. The SuperCarlinBrothers made a really good video explaining this called “What House Was Hagrid in.” Go watch that.)

Leading into my next issue with the Hogwarts Houses, I have a serious issue with how Slytherin house is represented.

This has been said multiple times but the fact that every single Slytherin in the series is either evil (Voldemort, Bellatrix), assholes (Draco, Snape), morally gray (Slughorn, Regulus Black), or not in the core seven books (Albus Potter, Scorpious Malfoy, and Merlin), is extremely problematic. It makes the line between good and evil incredibly obvious and clear cut, with hardly any effort to blur those lines. The closest thing we got, especially in the author’s eyes, was Snape, who was not redeemed. He just wasn’t. He was a bully to his students, emotionally and physically, to the point where Neville’s biggest fear was him, and yet it’s suddenly all okay because he was in love with Harry’s deceased mother? That’s not how this works. His actions are not suddenly all okay because of that and frankly, he didn’t do enough to warrant saying he redeemed himself, besides indirectly letting Harry know that he needed to die to defeat Voldemort through the memories in the Pensieve, which just isn’t enough. Draco had more of a redemption and frankly proved he had good in him, yet we never got a true redemption from him because apparently all Slytherins are evil. Sure, there is a total of… one evil Gryffindor: Peter Pettigrew, who is pretty awful, but is there a single fully good Slytherin? No, they’re all either assholes, dabbled with evil, or are full on evil. Not only is it basic black and white morality, but it’s also downright harmful. The kids are sorted into their houses by their personalities and values. Some of the Slytherin traits are ambition, cunning, cleverness, resourcefulness, and leadership qualities, all pretty positive traits. The thing that divides these houses are their traits and values, so this is sending a message that traits such as “ambition,” “cleverness,” or “resourcefulness” are bad or evil, when they’re not. This is especially problematic when you remember that there is an official Wizarding World quiz that sorts you into a Hogwarts house based on your personality and likes and one of the houses you can get is this designated evil house. So if kids take this quiz and get Slytherin, they’re going to be disappointed and possibly think they’re evil. I’m especially annoyed at “ambition” ALWAYS being represented as a negative trait. That’s not just a Harry Potter problem but it still bothers me. Having aspirations and the guts to pursue them is not a bad thing, having evil aspirations is a bad thing. Ambition is a purely neutral trait, it can be positive or negative depending on what you’re pursuing yet it’s only ever shown as a “villain” trait.

(Look at this wonderful tweet I found while looking for images for this by the way:)

(Way to be even more blatant that you hate Slytherins and also have a poor understanding of racial issues. Speaking of which...)

This series tries to tackle racism… and it didn’t do it well. At all. It didn’t even tackle racism itself, it used elements of its magical world as an allegory for racism and these allegories just don’t work. The two that are most well-known are the wizard/muggle tension and the house elves as a whole. The pureblood purists are essentially an allegory for white supremacists, which has some troubling implications since wizards are literally genetically superior to muggles. Even if it’s not an objective fact, the books do imply that wizards are better than muggles from the story alone so this racial allegory doesn’t work when you’re saying one side is more powerful or better! The house elves are even worse. Their entire species is enslaved to these “genetically superior wizards.” In fact, if I remember correctly, house elves are enslaved mostly by rich pureblood families like the Malfoys and the Crouch’s, similar to slavery in the real world. But apparently, the house elves are happy to be enslaved (besides Dobby, who died) and were insulted when Hermione tried to free them. Winky in particular was horrified when she was freed by her master, treating it like a horrible punishment. Surely I don’t have to say how messed up that is.

Finally, my biggest problem with the Harry Potter series and the main reason I can’t stomach reading or watching them anymore, is the treatment of Harry himself. Harry was abused by the Dursleys. This is not me reading too into the book of reinterpreting anything, this is what is told to us directly. Harry is thin from being underfed in the first book, was forced to live in the cupboard under the stairs for eleven years, is frequently yelled at and berated by the Dursleys, heck Petunia and Vernon practically encourage their son to beat up Harry and frequently show favoritism to Dudley over Harry to an absurd degree. They make it clear to Harry that they don’t want him there. They also lock him in his room in the second book, literally boarding up the window and not letting him leave, passing him soup cans under the door. And all of this is just off the top of my head. Dumbledore left Harry in this environment. Dumbledore is fully aware of how Harry is being treated. Harry’s acceptance letter into Hogwarts literally has the address “the cupboard under the stairs” written on it. Yet they leave him in this physically and emotionally abusive and neglectful environment because the Dursley’s treatment somehow humbled him and made him the hero the wizarding world needed. Let me repeat that loud and clear: Harry is a hero because he endured abuse. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. I don’t care what your justification is, it is never a good thing to leave a child in an abusive situation. You are not good or noble or heroic or anything for staying with people who hurt you. And it’s not just Dumbledore. I understand that Harry living with Sirius wasn’t much of an option with him on the run from Azkaban and then dying in book 5 but what about the Weasleys? Why do they let him return to the Dursleys when they know full well what he’s going through there after Fred, George, and Ron bust him out? Oh yeah, he can’t leave because Lily’s love spell protects Harry when he’s in a blood relative’s house. He doesn’t have any other choice. This is a lazy excuse from the story to justify Harry staying with his abusers and frankly, doesn’t even work since he’s constantly trying to avoid his house, a pretty common response to domestic abuse by the way. So it’s not “protecting” him, even by that stupid logic. Harry was left with and forced to return to the Dursleys year after year solely because he’s the chosen one and needed to be put through hell because abuse apparently molds people into heroes and if Harry was even a little arrogant, he wouldn’t be a hero. And he wouldn’t have been prepared to die to Voldemort to destroy the horcrux in him. The story is framed in a way that glorifies Harry for being abused and I despise it. Dumbledore used Harry as a tool to defeat Voldemort, never taking his feelings into account and he’s just forgiven for all of this in the end. Everyone says Harry shouldn’t have named his kid after Snape? What about Dumbledore? Harry basically named his child after two of his biggest tormentors. It sickens me. It’s like the series is supporting and glorifying abuse, even if that wasn’t the intent of the author (and I doubt it was, since she was abused herself) that is how it feels. So yeah, I can’t really enjoy Harry Potter anymore the way I used to.

(On a side note, I hate “destiny” stories and Harry Potter is a good example of a terrible destiny themed story. Harry didn’t have a choice in anything. He was just forced into this scenario and twisted by the plot to be what it “needed” him to be, having no agency of his own. Great inspiring hero. -_-)

#harry potter #harry potter books #harry potter movies #slytherin #gryffindor #hp #albus dumbledore #severus snape #fuck both of them #the movies are decent adaptations honestly #I wouldn't mind watching them if they were on #but I wouldn't go out of my way to watch them #or even read the books #the fanwork is better than the series 90% of the time honestly #like lupin and sirius raising harry #that's a great AU

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tepkunset · 4 years ago

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@avatarfandompolice is a blog that likes to misuse progressive language in attempt to make ignorant, racist posts sound more intelligent than they are. While most of their blog consists of arguing about ‘zutara,’ (which I recently learned is a ship name for Zuko and Katara from an anon), there is also a large number of posts and reblogs under the premise of being “hot takes” on how unfair it is to address racism in fandom and in media.

Avatarfandompolice is very sensitive about people pointing out that Avatar: The Last Airbender is not, in fact, flawless. That a show made by two white men featuring Asian and Indigenous characters and influences is fully capable of getting things wrong. That their western colonial views are influences all on their own, and it shows. Rather than listen to fans of colour point out things like these posts for example: [Link] [Link] [Link], avatarfandompolice has decided that such things must simply be fake, and has made multiple posts complaining it. This is not just regular ignorance, this is wilful ignorance. The dismissal of critique simply because they cannot fathom not everyone being able to handle the amount of issues they are freely educating others on, or people holding the ability to like something overall while also pointing out where it could be better.

It is my firm belief that you should never absorb media with an uncritical eye. If this was the case, if people just accepted everything given to them, then we would never see any progress. We need to be able to look back at something and say here’s what we did right, and here’s what we need to do better with.

The argument that A:TLA was made in 2012 and therefore should not be analyzed with a modern understanding of the world is downright hilarious, too. As if we aren’t taught to write literature analysis on books and plays that are centuries old in school. In particular regards to the whole cop thing... if anyone reading this seriously thinks that hate and fear of the police is just a 2020 trend, you can meet me in the pit. I was four years old when I learned how terrifying cops are. If your experiences differ, let me tell you that does not make them universal. And as for all the 20-somethings talking about it today, well, gentle reminder that as said by avatarfandompolice right here, the show aired in 2012. Little 10-year-old kids don’t have social media, (at least I hope they don’t,) and unless they grew up experiencing first-hand police terror, probably were not aware of it at that age. I do not know why avatarfandompolice insults people's ability to grow and learn. I can only guess it’s jealously from their lack of ability to do so.

Now let’s address their defences of whitewashing, which is easily the most backwards reaching I’ve seen on this issue in a while. Primarily their defence relies on four repetitive “points” —

Fake minuscule percentages to downplay the high prevalence and extremity of whitewashing in the fandom

Deflecting the addressing of whitewashing with rapid-fire fake scenarios and claims of “reverse racism” / “blackwashing”

Claiming whitewashing isn’t real because people only care about it with Katara

Claiming that calling out whitewashing in fandom is wrong because it hurts artists

I have only so much as dipped my toes into the A:TLA fandom, and even I have seen a lot of whitewashed fan art. If you do an image search for fan art, I guarantee within the first couple rows of results, there will be in the absolute least, a few examples. The idea of these artworks not substantially lightening skin is also just plain inaccurate. Just from a quick Google search, this is literally the first result for ‘Avatar The Last Airbender Katara fan art’:

Avatarfandompolice is also hyper-focused on the lightening of skin, and seems to be under the impression that this is the only component of whitewashing. I come to this conclusion because when someone pointed out the equal prevalence of depicting these characters of colour with Western European features instead of their actual eyes, noses, etc., they rip a giant turd out of their ass and scrawl the words “but stereotyping” over it. No, not all Asian peoples and Indigenous peoples look the same. The original poster made no such claim of this at all. Avatarfandompolice jumped to this conclusion all on their own... (which really says a lot in itself). It is entirely unrelated to the point. The point being the erasure of how these characters look, in favour of giving them whiter features. And guess what? This does hurt. But I’ll get to that below.

The lack of understanding of whitewashing is on full display when avatarfandompolice talks about “blackwashing”; the idea that colouring characters with darker skin is just like whitewashing. Firstly, there is no such thing as “blackwashing.” “Blackwashing,” “brownwashing,” etc. does not exist because it is a false equivalency to whitewashing. It is a false equivalency to whitewashing because white people are not even in the slightest loosing representation when a white character is re-imagined as a racial minority, whereas when racial minorities are re-imagined as white people, they are taking away from what is already very little representation for us. If we lived in a world where the statistics of representation were not so drastically disproportionate, then there would be something to talk about. But if you are really wanting to support equality, you should focus on equitably supporting those who actually need it, not white people. As for specifically depicting characters like Sokka and Katara with darker skin than what they have in the show, the same applies, (so long as it’s not racebending them as we really shouldn’t be taking representation away from each other, and the artist avatarfandompolice ridicules above has done no such thing,) because colourism also exists within nonwhite communities as well.

As for the fake questions about cosplaying, the answer is really simple: Cosplay however you want, but don’t make pretending to be a different race part of your cosplay. If you want to cosplay Katara, you can do it without painting your skin darker, aka brownface. If you want to cosplay Zuko, you can do it without editing yourself to look East Asian, aka digital yellowface. The racist history behind this is an internet search away, but I suppose that is too difficult for avatarfandompolice to do.

Avatarfandompolice has made multiple claims that people must not really care about whitewashing if they only call it out for Katara. It is laughable at best, and sad at worst, that this is the conclusion they come to, and not the fact that unfortunately Katara just happens to be subjected to more whitewashing than other characters. I assume this is from a mix of her popularity as well as being a WOC and not MOC. This is not to say that whitewashing does not exist with male characters—not in the slightest. Half the images on this “10 fan art pictures of Sokka that are just the best” list from CBR are whitewashed. Only that across fandoms, whitewashing is more prevalent in female characters, by my observations at least.

Finally—and this one pisses me off the most—avatarfandompolice claims that whitewashing is no big deal, but calling out whitewashing is too harmful to justify. How fucking dare you put the feelings of artists who can’t handle critique of their work (that they publicly share) over fans of colour, who are constantly subjected to seeing our identities and looks not being worth respecting. As if it doesn’t imprint on your mind from a very young age how only villains ever have your facial features, because they’re ugly and I guess that means you’re ugly. As if there is something wrong with you. As if respecting you is regarded as extra effort, and not just common courtesy.

Whitewashing is a form of colourism, which is a form of racism. It is the favouritism, unconscious or not, of white features and the erasure of visible characters of colour. It is not fandom drama. It is not being too lazy to focus on “real issues” because it is part of a real issue. It is yet another part of why fandom spaces are so uninviting to POC. We live in a society that favours lighter skin. Corporations make fortunes from selling products to bleach your skin, products to contour your features away or go as far as surgery, all to meet beauty standards set by and influenced by white colonizers. That does not exist in A:TLA, and that’s called refreshing escapism. But it’s hard to escape that when the fandom constantly reminds you otherwise. It is a perfect example of how the classic “just let people enjoy things” complaint is nothing but disguised racism, because it’s only ever said regarding white fans’ enjoyment, at the expense of fans of colour.

None of the characters in A:TLA are white. Redesigning them and recolouring them as if they are, be it out of accident or intent is wrong. If you get called out for it, apologize, learn from the experience and do better going forward. You’ll also improve your art this way.

Beyond excusing whitewashing, avatarfandompolice has overt racist posts as well. A Black fan said they like to headcanon Katara as being partially Black; “I swear Katara was a sister. Im convinced there ain't no way she didn't have some black in her.” Avatarfandompolice jumps in saying “She's literally an Inuit but ok” as if being an Inuk person means Katara can’t possibly also be Black. The OP never claimed Katara was not Indigenous, simply that they also saw her as Black. Black Indigenous peoples exist. Black Inuk peoples exist. It is overtly anti-Black to say otherwise. But what even is the point of talking to avatarfandompolice about that? You know, you would think in trying to put such a front up of caring about the Inuit, they would do the most basic learning of the proper grammatical use of Inuit and Inuk. (As is the case with a great many Indigenous Nations, Inuit is both the Nation and plural. Inuk is singular. “An Inuit” / “Inuits” as avatarfandompolice has used just makes their dressed-up racism all the more pathetic. It’s similar to as if you said “Chinas” instead of “Chinese”.)

But all this is nothing, nothing compared to the worst post I had the displeasure of seeing. In a single post, avatarfandompolice manages to squeeze in insult against low income people, Mexican people, Jewish people, and Black people in a mockery of financial help posts. Absolutely disgusting, childish behaviour from a place of privilege. As someone who has had no option but to make such a post before, more than once, let me fucking tell you that the embarrassment and desperation when in that situation is unparalleled. It is not done lightly. It is done when you are at the last resort of having nothing but hope that the combined generosity of others will be enough to save you and your family. And what adds a whole other level to the odiousness of avatarfandompolice’s post is that they specifically targeting low income minorities to boot. Because we’re all poor beggars, right?

All in all, for someone who prides themselves in calling others ignorant, avatarfandompolice has to be one of the most obtuse fandom blogs I have ever scrolled through. They are as vile as they are pathetic, and my sincere sympathy for anyone who has been unfortunate enough to interact with them. It has been a while since I so strongly recommend blocking someone.

#avatarfandompolice #atla #atla fandom #racism #whitewashing #long post #fit for a queue

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objectinanimey · 3 years ago

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*kicks up legs* hey bestie

Uhhh fuck I didn't have a mod in mind uhmmmddmmrmdnr...

Hit me with ur least favorite bestie go off

PH BESTIE YOU ALREADY KNOW

[grabs the x-event mod]

YOU.

Just to be clear, I try not to let controversy get in the way on how I feel about a mod but this mod in particular is honestly just ruined by what the creator of the mod did, it’s genuinely insulting.

The mod itself definitely isn’t the WORST one out there, not by a long shot. But I just,, can’t help but hate it on account that the creator is an asshole n holds the mod on such high regards when the mod itself isn’t all that good.

I’ll start by saying I really like the Undertale art style they used briefly in the mod. It’s very cute n has a nice level of charm to it. The art to isn’t all that bad, though some sprites just felt super lazy n rushed, mainly ink’s sprites.

But that’s honestly all I can say about the mod that’s good. The rest is just,, not that.

The music isn’t good at all. A lot of the songs are reused from the web series they originated from with BF’s vocals slapped onto it. I won’t have a problem with it if BF’s voice weren’t absolutely fucking AWFUL. Now look, BF’s vocals is one of my favorites due to how flexible it is, you can do virtually ANY SONG with his voice n it’s very hard to make his voice sound BAD. So the fact that this mod managed to make his voice painful to listen to is honestly sad. I really don’t have a problem with the songs being reused but the quality of BF’s vocals just show how god damn lazy it all is. The third song isn’t that bad but the first two songs are REALLY bad, especially the first one what the actual fuck.

Okay, normally I’m not a fan of critiquing charting as I’m not a professional rhythm game player or anything (props to those who are like got damn, YALL are legends). But I have to say the charting in this mod is absolute ASS. A prime example of how overcharting =/= difficult. Overcharting makes it feel like you’re trying way to hard by not trying at all. I get charting is difficult, I don’t know shit about charting but the charting in the second song especially is downright AWFUL. The fact that creator dismissed the criticism surrounding the charting n said the charting was just “difficult” honestly speaks volumes about the mod n the creator.

Like I said before, I try to not let controversy ruin a mod but the creator’s actions ruin the mod for me cause his actions have to do with the mod himself. The fact that he talked shit about FNF as well as the community surrounding it, AS WELL AS, shit talk the creator,,

Look, it’s okay not to forgive Ninjamuffin’s past actions, it’s understandable n valid. But he actively insulted him n his community openly for no good fucking reason. He did this all whilst working on a mod for the very game he openly despised just leaves a bad taste in my mouth. It feels like he’s trying to milk off a popular game n nothing else. There’s nothing wrong with trying to earn money but also,, maybe don’t profit off the community you openly talked shit about?? Just a thought

I think why this really hurts, is because Underverse was just a big part of my childhood. When I first heard of the mod, I was ecstatic cause WROW childhood! But to see all this shit surrounding the mod,, n the fact the mod isn’t all that good,, it hurts a LOT for me man.

TLDR. All in all, the mod itself is mediocre at best. The controversy ruined any enjoyment I might’ve had for the mod. It’s far from the worst mod out there but it makes me so irrationally angry due to all the factors I listed revolving nostalgia n the controversy. 2/10 I’m never playing this mod again-

#WOW this is an essay lmao #also disclaimer #this is solely my opinion if you like the mod that’s all good!#you’re valid #this is just how I feel about the overall mod #object speaks #bean’s ramble bin #fnf #fnf mod #would this count as discourse-#/gen

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pengychan · 5 years ago

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[Good Omens] Winging It - Job 39:13

Summary: Shockingly, attempting to destroy an angel without consulting God first comes with consequences. There is more than one way to fall, and a thousand more ways to inconvenience an angel and a demon who just wanted to be left in peace. Characters: Gabriel, Crowley, Aziraphale, Beelzebub, Michael. Rating: T

Prologue and all chapters are tagged as ‘winging it’ on my blog.

A/N: Well, someone’s in for a rude awakening.

***

“... What the Heaven.”

“What the Heaven indeed,” Aziraphale murmured, but Crowley barely heard him; he was too busy staring down at dark, jagged scars over Gabriel’s shoulder blades while he rested, motionless, on a mattress on the ground. Those had been open wounds, Aziraphale had said, before he’d healed them and miracled away the blood; Crowley was rather glad he hadn’t been there to see the mess. Maybe all that trouble with traffic had been a blessing in disguise.

Well. Not a literal blessing, of course, he didn’t do those unless absolutely called for - which was to say, not unless Aziraphale asked - but still, a lucky coincidence. Even without witnessing the worst of it, seeing the scars was enough to make his plan of grabbing him and kicking him all the way out of the bookstore, whether Aziraphale agreed or not, seem… a little less viable.

In theory, he could still do it. Gabriel deserved it and if he’d simply become a demon the way he had, then he wouldn’t have held back. But he wasn’t a demon, was he? He was human, in a bad shape, with marks on his back that made Crowley mightily uncomfortable every time his gaze fell on them. His own wings - which were always there, if not necessarily on the same plane of existence, black as coal but whole and functioning - ached at the thought. And yet...

Shut your stupid mouth and die already.

Maybe just a couple of swift kicks, or a bout of intestinal parasites...

None of this would have worked out if you weren't, at heart, just a little bit a good person.

In the end, Aziraphale’s voice in the back of his head was stronger, as always. Biting his tongue to keep himself from cursing aloud, Crowley tore his gaze away from Gabriel’s back to look at Aziraphale. “What were they thinking?” he asked, knowing full well his angel likely had no clue whatsoever. “Wasn’t he the golden boy? And-- they let Satan keep his wings, for Hell’s sake.”

Aziraphale shrugged. “I don’t have the foggiest idea, I am afraid. He didn’t tell me much of anything. Well, couldn’t tell me much of anything. But I think… I think Michael did this.”

Uuugh, Crowley thought. “Michael’s a wanker,” he muttered, glancing down again. He had little doubt that Michael could subdue Gabriel if so she chose; she was a warrior, the one who had personally cast Lucifer out of Heaven during the first War, while Gabriel had always been the bureaucrat and messenger. And a poor one, too - official accounts glossed over how badly he’d freaked poor Maryam out with the Annunciation. Still… “Can’t have been just her decision.”

“No,” Aziraphale agreed. Deciding to destroy him - well, that was one thing. He wasn’t precisely high up, and he supposed that what he had done did amount to treason. Gabriel was… not quite as high up as it gets, obviously, but still a big name. “No angel could just do something like this to him without consequences. It must have been an order from above. I just can’t imagine why.”

Crowley made a face. “And it’s been just a week. They turned on him quicker than a traffic light,” he muttered, and slid a foot beneath Gabriel, turning him on his back so that he wouldn’t have to look at those scars any longer. There was no reaction; he was out like a light, eyes shut as his head rolled over his shoulder, face pale. “Look at that, two nipples. Shadwell would be relieved.” Or disappointed, come to think of it. “Is he unconscious, or asleep?”

“Ah, uh… asleep. I made sure he slept - he really needed it.”

“And gave him the most wonderful dream?” Crowley joked. Aziraphale shifted, causing him to groan.

“Not the most wonderf-- just reasonably pleasant,” Aziraphale defended himself. Crowley rolled his eyes before snapping his fingers to conjure up some water that was decidedly not holy.

Time to wake up the sleeping beauty and find out what in the seven Heavens was going on.

***

Gabriel had never, in the entirety of his existence up to that day, slept.

He never had any need to; angels do not get tired and consequently need no rest. He was rarely idle at all, with the work of millions of angels to oversee across the universe on a daily basis, and it was fine with him. Idleness bred laziness, and he was meant to be an example of virtue. No place for that in Heaven, as there was no place for any of the seven deadly sins.

He attempted to take God’s judgment upon himself. A crime born of pride. Seize him.

Metatron’s voice thundered somewhere in the back of his mind and almost, almost made it through to his consciousness along with everything that followed - his sentence and the punishment, the hands holding him down and the stony faces and the pain - but it did not. A reasonably pleasant dream was what Aziraphale had bestowed upon him, and a reasonably pleasant dream was what he was having.

“You doodled on the report again,” Michael was muttering, raising an eyebrow at him in that way of hers that showed polite annoyance and hid her amusement.

Gabriel shrugged. “There was a lot of blank space.”

“There is a lot of blank space everywhere here, but you don’t see me writing on the walls.”

“Only because I haven’t caught you in the act yet.”

“Very funny.” A roll of her eyes, and Michael looked back at the sheet. “What is it supposed to be, anyway? One of those primates on Earth?”

“It’s Sandalphon. He has a sandal in one hand and a phone in the other.”

A quiet stare. Gabriel shrugged again, grinning. “I think it’s funny.”

“... Of course you would.” A quick half-smile, and Michael placed the sheet in the folder under her arm. “Anything else? No more forms?”

“Uh, no,” Gabriel muttered, leaning an elbow on the form he’d actually finished filling in. Best to miracle the doodles off them before handing them over going forward. Or give them to someone who’d appreciate his frankly flawless sense of humor. Sandalphon usually did, only that he was a little bit sensitive about his name.

“All right. I’ll see you at the meeting.”

Once alone again, Gabriel picked up the form and looked down at it. From his serious expression as he tapped the pen against his chin, anyone looking would have thought he was giving some serious consideration to important matters. And in a way, he was. How many flies were usually buzzing around Beelzebub’s head - a couple dozens? He couldn’t remember. They had last met about a century earlier, so he’d have to go on a guess.

A couple dozens, then. Gabriel clicked the pen, and began adding dots around the head of a caricature with red eyes and long fangs. Did flies have fangs? They probably didn’t have fangs and Beelzebub didn't either. Maybe he should send an official letter downstairs, just to ask. They were reserved for important communications, and the Lord of the Flies would probably answer with insults, but--

“Wakey wakey!”

“Crowley, wait--”

Something cold suddenly hit him, splashed over him, and in an instant everything - the form and the doodle and the pen in his hand, the desk he sat at and the reassuring whiteness all around him - was gone. Gabriel opened his eyes, blinking out water and sputtering, to see old dusty bookshelves all around him, and a demon towering over him with a grin. What in the world…?

“Hey, Gabe,” the demon Crowley said, grin widening. “Tell me, how did the landing go?”

***

"Hell can't claim him."

Uriel spoke with the utter certainty of someone who’s stating the tenets of the universe, and with more than a hint of outrage at the mere idea. Which was how they all spoke, really; there was an abundance of certainties in Heaven. However Michael couldn’t help but think that, over the course of the past week, a good chunk of them had been crumpled, and tossed in the waste bin.

Yes, in theory, Hell had no claim on humans over the course of their lives; they could try to influence them, both sides did, but that was about the scope of it. In theory, the fact this one particular human had been an angel until only a short while ago should make no difference. Not until his human life, that ridiculously short lifespan, ran its course.

But, in theory, none of this should be happening either. The Great Plan was supposed to be the same as the Ineffable plan and they were in the right to try all they could to see it through, following the one and only plan they’d ever known of. In theory, they had done everything right.

And yet, they had failed. It was disconcerting and downright worrisome; without certainties, you start questioning. And questioning was dangerous… but apparently, so was sticking to the plan.

Please, no! Please! I did everything right! I followed the Plan! I did everything right!

“Of course it can’t claim him,” Michael spoke, trying to ignore Gabriel’s screams in the back of her mind. She could at least pretend to be certain of that, even if the world should have ended a few days earlier and then… didn’t. It kept existing, a world where the Antichrist refused to bring forth the Armageddon; where Holy water did not kill a demon and Hellfire did not kill an angel; where obedience was harshly punished and rebellion was not. "He didn't Fall the way they did."

"Right. It's more like what happened with Adam and Steve,” Sandalphon agreed.

Uriel frowned a little. "Wasn't it... Ava? Ada?"

"Maybe, something like that. Never met them,” he said, and made a face. Sandalphon didn’t have strong feelings for humans one way or another, but the few times he’d actively interacted with them, things hadn’t generally gone very well for the mortals - Sodom and Gomorrah being the prime example.

To be entirely fair anyone would have been more than slightly miffed in his place. Get on Earth with another couple of angels in human disguise to see if the city is redeemable, get hospitality from some weirdo called Lot, and suddenly a mob is outside demanding that Lot lets them meet his guests. A biblical meet and greet, so to speak; not the sort where you sit down to study the Bible, clearly, but rather the kind where you plainly do not sit down for several days afterwards.

If you’re human, of course, and Sandalphon was not human. He was an angel with very little understanding of humans, their customs and their base instincts, but even he could tell that trying to force said base instincts on anybody unwilling was bad enough to spectacularly fail God’s test - regardless of the shape or form of your intended target.

And failure came with a hefty price tag, which was why Sandalphon took very great care to never fail. They all did, and they had never failed to not fail, not once in six-thousand years… until they had, in some way and for some reason they didn’t even understand.

But only one of them had paid the price. Someone who’d been loyal and obedient and steadfast in his duties, to see that everything went according to the Great Plan and ended with the triumph of the Heavenly forces, the triumph of good. And some thanks he got for his trouble.

A dangerous thought, that. Almost unthinkable. And yet Michael suspected she wasn’t the only one to battle with it, or else that little meeting wouldn’t be happening at all and they would have moved on, forgetting Gabriel’s name like they had forgotten those of the Fallen so long ago.

“It’s not like with the Fallen,” Uriel spoke up, as though she’d just read her mind. She was tapping a finger on the table, staring at it rather than look up at them. “God must have a plan for him. Some sort of plan.”

“Ineffable plan?”

“Perhaps.”

“So we don’t know what it is, and Gabriel doesn’t know what it is,” Sandalphon muttered, folding his hands on the table. “What will he do? Out there as a human, alone, with no plan to follow?”

Michael held back a sigh. “God might give him a sign as to what he should do. I suppose--”

“We could check on him,” Uriel spoke up suddenly, causing her to trail off and turn to look at her. Her finger was still tapping on the table. “It shouldn’t be too hard to find him.”

“There isn’t supposed to be any unnecessary contact with--”

“With the Fallen, no. Except that we did have contact, and we were not the ones who got cast out. And Aziraphale - he’s been fraternizing with one for millennia, and he received no punishment either. But either way, Gabriel is not a Fallen. He is a human - contact with him is not prohibited.”

“Unless it is and we don’t know it, Uriel,” Michael snapped. She hated that uncertainty, the fear of doing the wrong thing without knowing it. She wanted nothing more than having normalcy back, with Gabriel among them and the certainty of being in the right in the great scheme of things. Until the botched Armageddon, back when they had the Great Plan to stick to, all of their choices had always been so easy they were hardly even choices. “And we might pay the price.”

“Then I will, if it comes to that,” Uriel said, and finally looked up. Still, she did not look directly at Michael. She was staring at the wall beside her, as though she saw something there no one else could. “You were not here, when Aziraphale stepped in the Hellfire.”

Michael nodded. “No. But I was there when the demon Crowley splashed in Holy Water asking for a towel . I know what happened - nothing.”

“No, something did happen. Here. With Aziraphale,” Uriel replied. The light tapping on the table stopped. “He blew Hellfire towards us. Barely missed, and only because we retreated.”

“More like scrambled,” Sandalphon muttered, sounding more than slightly embarrassed.

Michael frowned. “Hellfire would have destroyed you if it touched you. Anyone would have, as you put it, scrambled in your pla--”

“Gabriel threw out his arms,” Uriel cut her off, causing Michael to turn, taken aback. Uriel finally looked up from the table to meet Michael’s gaze. “When the fire came towards us. He threw out his arms in front of us, to pull us back with him. You see, this is what’s gnawing at me. It’s not only that he was the only one to face punishment for something we all did.” Her features twisted in something bitter that might have looked like a smile to the untrained eye, and yet was anything but. “He shielded us. And we tore out his wings.”

“No. I did.” Michael’s voice was collected, distant. In the back of her mind there was the glint of the blade, the pulling and tearing, the cries and thrashing as he tried to escape. He’d suffered, but he hadn’t bled until the end, until he was an angel no longer. “I tore out his wings.”

And I pray I’m not made to tear out yours. If the order came, she… wasn’t sure she’d obey, not again. It was a terrifying thought, disobeying God. Never before had it entered her mind.

“We held him down for you. We’re in,” Sandalphon said quietly, and that sealed the matter.

None of them paused to consider that maybe, just maybe, Gabriel may not be happy to see them.

***

“If I didn’t know better, I’d say he’s not happy to see me.”

“Crowley, please--”

“I mean, it was cute how he tried to smite me like he can still do that, but…”

“My dear boy--!”

“Fine, fine. Shutting up. For now.”

Huddled against a wall, a blanket tangled around his legs, Gabriel struggled to even grasp their words. He could have if he focused, probably, but there was so much going on, too much. The pain was gone, at least that, but there were the rush of blood in his ears and the rhythmic pumping in his chest, the ache in his throat caused by the scream that had left him, the way the room seemed to spin around him, how his body shivered against the cold water his skin - so many sensations he was unaccustomed to, and so many other things, familiar things, that were missing. Things he dared not name.

You know what is missing.

Two pairs of hands grabbing him, holding him down. The weight on him, the grasp, the glint of a blade and the plea in his ear.

“Be still. You’ll make it easier, Gabriel. Please, be still.”

But he hadn’t been still, had he?

“Can you stand?” Aziraphale’s voice cut through his frantic thoughts, snapped him out of the memory. He looked up to see him holding out a hand, towering over him. He stared at it, but didn’t take it.

“It’s not permanent,” was all he could say, his voice raspy.

“Wonderful,” the demon muttered. “All the more reason to be quick and kick you while it lasts.”

Aziraphale ignored his comment and nodded. A gesture of his hand, and the cold water soaking Gabriel’s hair and skin dried up; a white shirt appeared to cover his torso.

“That’s good to know. Care to tell us what happened?”

Oh no, no, absolutely not. If he allowed himself to think back of it, to remember what had happened from the moment Metatron had spoken to the instant he’d blacked out before Aziraphale’s store, Gabriel was fairly certain he’d have gone insane. He stood on shaky legs, feeling ridiculously faint, and let himself drop on the nearest chair before shaking his head.

“... All right. You don’t have to.”

“What? No, no, he absolutely has to!”

“This may not be the right moment--”

“It is for me!” The demon - Crowley - stepped forward. Gabriel tried to sit up straight, so that he wouldn’t tower over him so much, but his head spun and he could barely lift it. “Look, I was nice enough not to kick you into the stratosphere, so how about you thank me by explaining--”

A sudden rumbling noise caused Crowly to trail off, taken aback. Both he and Aziraphale could only stare as Gabriel let out a groan, hands folding over his stomach. It took another grumble for Crowley to realize what it was… and when he did, he laughed. It was just too funny, he couldn't help it.

Of course, Gabriel didn’t laugh, too stuck-up to see the humor of the situation. He glared up at him, almost folded in two. His features twisted in agony. “You– you did this, demon! What is it?”

Before Crowely could reply that he’d be doing so much worse if he felt like hurting him, Aziraphale spoke.

“I believe it is hunger, Gabriel.”

A confused look. “Hunger?”

“Happens when humans go hungry,” Crowley supplied helpfully, with some frankly unnecessary emphasis on the word 'human'. Aziraphale did his best to ignore it. Very little seeed to make sense, and keeping a cool head would be easier if his demon and his former superior didn’t keep squabbling like especially ill-tempered roosters.

“When was last time you ate? Or drank?”

That gained him a disgusted look. “You know full well I do not–”

“You no longer get a choice, I’m afraid,” Aziraphale cut him off, calm but not going out of his way to be sympathetic. From what he’d seen in the past six-thousand years there were plenty of drawbacks that came with being human… but getting to enjoy food was not one of them. “If you need something filling, I could recommend–”

“I refuse to sully my celestial body with gross matter!” he protested, gaining himself a sigh from Aziraphale and a very loud snort from Crowley.

“I haaaaate to break the news, Gabe,” the demon said as everything in his voice, expression and body language spelled absolute delight over the situation, “but right now you and your body are about as celestial as Schubert’s Ave Maria sung by a band of drunk capuchin monkeys.”

If looks could discorporate, Crowley wouldn’t have discorporated at all because Gabriel was terrible at glaring. He supposed that ‘give the evil eye’ was not part of the insufferably self-righteous Archangel job description, which meant he’d had no practice whatsoever in the longest time.

Possibly ever since the battle that had preceded the collective nosedive of fallen angels from Heaven, but Crowley couldn’t be sure, because he hadn’t really taken part to it. He’d just been in the wrong place at the wrong time, and it turns out that ‘oh, hey guys, I was just leaving’ is not enough to get heavenly forces off your case. He’d been cast out before the actual battle even really started.

“This is temporary!” Gabriel snapped, and stood. His attempt at pretending his wobbly legs were not wobbly at all wasn’t very successful. “I don’t need to eat and-- and I have nothing to tell you.”

Crowley made a face. “Oh yes, I’m afraid you do.”

“What do you even care?” he snapped. Crowley stared at him a moment, then tilted his head on one side.

“Oooh, I see. It seems we had a little bit of miscommunication, so let me clear this one up, yes?” Crowley leaned in, right in his face, yellow slit eyes staring at his own. He hissed more than he spoke, and never mind most of the words he uttered had no sibilants at all. He still pulled it off, somehow. “I don’t care that you got your wings ripped off. I don’t give a single blessing about you or what you’re going to be doing going forward, believe me. What I want to know is why. Because if something is going on, I’d really rather know before it happens to an angel I actually… Er. An angel I kind of give a toss--”

“A-hem.”

Aziraphale clearing his throat caused the demon to pause. He turned to glance at him, and so did Gabriel. He had both eyebrows raised.

Crowley let out a sigh. “Really now?”

Aziraphale said nothing, but his eyebrows climbed further towards his hairline.

A groan. “Oh, keep ruining my reputation, why don’t you,” the demon muttered, and turned back to glare at Gabriel. Behind him, Aziraphale looked rather smug. “... Sorry, where was I?”

Gabriel blinked, too confused to even ask and still desperately trying not to let the words - got your wigs ripped off - sink into his brain. If he thought of that for one moment, of what had happened, he’d scream. “If… something is going on?”

“Oh, right, right.” He cleared his throat, and the threatening hiss was back. “Because if something is going on, I’d really rather know before it happens to an angel I care about.”

Gabriel’s eyes shifted from Crowley to Aziraphale, who refused to look away. Aziraphale had expected a reprimand, disapproval, something - but instead, all he got was an empty gaze. “Nothing will happen to you. God wants you safe. That much was made painfully clear.”

… Wait. Wait a moment. Had the order come from God? And had it been because of what he’d tried to do… to him? “What-- the reason they did this to you-- you don’t mean…?”

“It is all wrong!” Gabriel snapped, and his voice was nowhere as firm and he probably would have liked. Under Aziraphale’s stunned eyes, he burrowed his face in his hands. “It’s all wrong. I followed the plan, enforced the rules. I did everything right. You broke all of them - you traitor - something had to be done! Someone had to!”

Crowley raised an eyebrow. “Am I hearing you say God got it wrong? That you know better than the Almighty?” he asked, causing Gabriel to wince and tear his hands off his face, outraged and terrified at the same time. Metatron’s words - God’s words, by extension - echoed in his ears.

A crime born of pride.

“No! I would never!”

“Sounds an awful lot like you said it. Or you admit that God got it right, and you deserve this? You can't have it both ways, Gabe. M aybe you did go against the Ineffable Plan, after all.”

Gabriel's features twisted in anguish. “How was I supposed to-- I didn’t know-- I couldn’t know!”

“No, you couldn’t. Sucks when the game is rigged against you, huh? No plan that you know of, everything is a choice, every choice you make could be the wrong one, and you won't know which it is until it knocks you down. Welcome to humanity, ssssucker. Can I offer-”

“Huh, hello? Is the store open? I’d like to have a look around, is anybody there?”

Three things happened in only a few moments. First, Aziraphale told himself that he should really learn to shut that door properly. Second, Crowley thought that Aziraphale should really learn to shut that door properly. And third, the moment they turned Gabriel stood and ran - through the shop, past a bewildered potential customer and through the door. He yelled something that sounded a lot like ‘thanks for the pornography!’ over his shoulder as he disappeared, which made Crowley suspect something was wrong with his hearing.

Aziraphale groaned. “It’s best if we go stop him.”

“Why? I’m sure he’ll be fine.”

“He doesn’t know how to human, he could get himself hurt.”

So what?, Crowley almost asked, didn’t. “Naaah, I'm sure he’ll be fi--”

There were screams coming from outside, screeching brakes and a loud crash, followed by more screams, and cries for an ambulance. Aziraphale’s gaze slowly shifted towards Crowley.

“... Well, look at that,” Crowley said, tilting his head on one side. “Maybe he already found his way back.”

“Tell me you didn’t--”

“Nope, not me. He ran into the road. Did everything by himself,” he pointed out. Aziraphale sighed and they ran outside as well, leaving behind a very confused man muttering, in a small voice, that maybe he should return another day.

***

“The wings of the ostrich wave proudly, but are they the pinions and plumage of love?" Job 39:13

***

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#good omens #ineffable husbands #ineffable bureaucracy #archangel gabriel #crowley #aziraphale #archangel michael #archangel uriel #sandalphon #beelzebub #winging it

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airgetlamhh · 4 years ago

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I think lostbelt 3 is very overated.But Hating every second of it and qin being the worst characther in the game seem a bit much

I mean, IMO Lostbelt 3 is very poorly written and kinda coasts off the Urobuchi hype.

Spoilers under the cut.

The main romance that’s supposed to sell it is non-existent, there’s no thought given to anything beyond how to make the people it wants to look cool look cool, it is downright obsessed with making sure we understand now noble and cool and incredible Qin is and in between all that just fails to make sure that one plot thread follows consistently after another.

We have shit like Li Shuwen oneshotting a Beast followed by him losing to our squad of like, a half dozen Servants at best when he’s backed up by like twenty of his best soldiers, we have shit like talking about why we can’t do a frontal assault because of all the frozen heroes Huang Di has in stock that they never use and our final plan is just assaulting them outright, we have shit like everyone going wild over how Qin is on par with a Grand Servant before we just clown on them with a group of, again, half a dozen Servants tops, all of whom are exhausted. We have the absolute terrible writing for Xiang Yu and Consort Yu’s romance, where instead of doing even a little bit that could be interesting by examining how neither of them are the people they remember and dealing with those challenges, Consort Yu just decides she’s in love with Lostbelt Xiang Yu too with no conflict, and Lostbelt Xiang Yu at the last second decides he’s also in love with her and will disobey Qin and die for her.

It doesn’t show any of that romance and love growing, we get one single flashback from Consort Yu and that’s it, she loves this machine that bears no resemblance in personality, experience, or appearance to the man she actually loved because he has the same name, that’s it. It’s lazy and it’s bad.

And for Qin, I get that they’re popular, but I can’t stand them in the slightest. They’re absolutely completely evil to the core and justify it with tired old excuses about being pragmatic that everyone swallows and accepts for no reason. They singlehandedly drove their world to stagnation, turned humanity as a whole into less than animals (they even call themselves the sole true human), crushed the creative drive and the curiosity of the people beneath them, and if anyone learns anything? They’ll send meteors to wipe out the entire village, even if it’s a child who learns it.

They never face a significant setback, never seem on the back foot, and even when they’re defeated they just switch over to our side, except their interlude reveals that actually their Lostbelt took months to disappear when the others do it in days, and after pulling the trigger on their own Lostbelt and consigning everyone in it to death, it turns out they had absolutely no intention of paying that same price even while they tricked everyone into thinking they were going to. They set up a system that relies on creating artificial Singularities where they turned into a monster that murdered their subjects in Xiangyang, so not only were they willing to kill their Lostbelt just to pull a fast one, they’re willing to keep killing all their subjects in multiple Singularities that are right there, over and over and over, purely as insurance for if the Alien God might win, so they can blow up history and start over as the ruler of the world.

Qin wouldn’t be a bad character if they didn’t warp everyone around them. Gilgamesh once tried to murder Jinako for being a NEET in CCC, but when Gilgamesh looks at Qin, when the man who wants more than anything for humanity to break free of the gods and take to the stars meets the one responsible for taking away the purpose and drive of humanity and trapping them on Earth, he just...makes a comment that might, if you squint, seem a little insulting. It’s not the only example, but it’s one of the most blatant, because Gilgamesh looks at someone who forced what he considers a worthless existence that deserves death onto the entire species and doesn’t react with immediate murder.

When it’s revealed that Qin is basically holding the timeline hostage and is fully willing to betray Chaldea by destroying it if they think they’re going to lose, the reaction to this is to...not tell Guda a thing, even though all the major head staff know, and then instead of throwing Qin out on their ass, they all just sigh and move on as if it’s some quirky flaw instead of someone literally threatening to repeat the Incineration of Mankind purely based on them being a “””politician””” who “””doesn’t gamble””” as if that justifies it.

Qin is evil, full stop, and I don’t mind evil characters. They can be some of the most fun characters in stories and I absolutely adore a well written villain. But the way the story writes Qin, how it constantly, obsessively sucks them off and makes sure we think about how noble it is for him to shoulder the responsibility of humanity, how everyone around them can’t stop themselves from thinking about how amazing they are, how people who should despise them just meekly stay out of their way and make snide comments, all of that adds up. Urobuchi wrote a horrendous villain and then tried to act like they had a point, despite being singlehandedly responsible for the death of their timeline because they crushed any sort of creativity or intelligence or curiosity out humanity and built a wall around the world, literally ripping the human spirit out of the population, and the narrative desperately wants you to think this is a good and valid position that Qin was intelligent and noble for doing.

I can’t stand that, and I don’t give a shit how quirky they make Qin or how much they ship Guda and Qin. It’s awful and lazy and it reminds me of how some of the worst things about GO are the absolute lack of capacity to let villains be villains.

#rant #spoilers #shotvolt

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carpe-lumxn · 4 years ago

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@collidingxworlds | continued from here (x)

Okay, so at first Lucifer delivered some boundaries of what can and can't be done in order to try and seek a compromise. According to Crowley's sullen reply it was not as effective. Then again, Crowley was not keen at all to give up his view of Earth, willing to fight tooth and nail for it again. Why someone would fight so hard for an unfinished prototype, Lucifer did not understand. Alright already. You are right, changing one's worldview was a process that required multiple steps. Perhaps Lucifer was asking for suggestions in order for Crowley to have no reason to object to Hell anymore, but his choice was clear-- he wanted the company of humanity and humanity only. No matter how flawed it was. So. Despite how problematic it was, it would be wiser to let the matter rest for now. Meanwhile, Lucifer explicitly stated that she was here for suggestions for improvement, which was somewhat true, so she might as well make the most of it.

Bear with me, princess, she thought as Crowley rolled his eyes. You could survive 6000 years as a demon, you could survive this brief conversation. She could be patient, luckily. So Lucifer huffed, sat back, crossed her arms, and listened.

Lucifer raised an eyebrow at Crowley's attempt to appease her pride. Arguing that she knew Earth better than other demons. Well. Only to a certain extent, Lucifer never visited the surface for long. Then she realised that Crowley was justifying this from her fashion choice. Ah. It was nighttime, so he wasn't able to see her full ensemble. Lucifer crossed her ankles, flashing her dragon-scaled spats and the tattered ash edges of her culottes. Very strange to wear spats in the 21st century, was it not? Yes, they, along with gold makeup, were incredibly fashionable with the Archangels. 'Tis a dead end, sweetie, nothing to see here.

Maybe it was petty, yes, but Lucifer scoffed at they’ll listen to you, we’ve always have. It was a very delicate balance, power. She chewed the tip of the cigar. No can do. Lucifer did not trust so much given out. “I see you’ve never met Behemoth and Leviathan. Or Asmodeus and his cult. You are right, some demons do need to hear that, but saying all that at once? Hmm. There's also a crowd who would not care much for that, a crowd who would see that as degrading, and another crowd... well. Bit hard to explain about that crowd." She waved her hand. "Fugetaboutit."

So Lucifer was feeling confident at first. And then Crowley talked about the politics, how Lucifer sold fake sights just like the incompetent political leaders on this planet. Okay, that caused Lucifer's patience to wane, because that wasn’t true. There was an end in sight, they just had to push for it. Second of all, Crowley really was using a lot of keywords that ticked her off. Embarrassing, lazy, choice, change, etc. Alright, so maybe Crowley was smarter and more observant than Lucifer had thought. Lucifer did squint really hard at him during the "do nothing" accusation, however, as well as his proposal to remain independent. Yes, as if she didn't have other places to be.

“And if, despite your contribution, nothing improves…?”

Lucifer was surprised that Crowley knew not only how to accurately describe Epicurus' key ideas, but synthesise from it. How he had used it, on the other hand? Arguing that the best things were something to work towards? Okay. Lucifer would have laughed, or cried. Maybe both. Good thing Lucifer had become a little too fatigued by that belief to bother much. She didn't let herself be fazed because of this and so simply nodded along.

At the innuendo, Lucifer's eyes widened for a split second, but a blink later and she reverted back to a neutral face. Yikes, what a whiplash. She frowned a little at whether Crowley was reaffirming about the lack of Holy water or whether Crowley was joking about her lack of tolerance towards alcohol. Fine, that was a very solid double entendre. To add to the insult, the brandy was actually very delicious. Very smooth, with woody undertones and a nice, vanilla aftertaste. Okay, she was definitely wrong. Lucifer wasn’t feeling thirsty anymore, truly, so she put the brandy back onto the table.

“Technologies. Technologies in Hell. They’re… often ineffective against the environment. The root problem isn't the bacteria, it's the shifting tectonic plates. Every time they move, ground water leaks into the corridors and the rooms. And with water comes life. Course, solving that would require a complete do-over. Believe me. I've checked with the demons who developed them. We did experiment with Roman herringbone brickwork designed to withstand earthquakes once. Didn't work.” But a huff through the nostrils implied a curiosity about whether the aforementioned technologies could finally work. “On the bright side, at least we can't get sick from it.

“Beelzebub. Yes, you worked under Beelzebub. They’re infamous for being intensive with their work ethics. Why did you not weasel yourself out? Assign yourself under a better, more relaxed Lord, then Beelzebub won't have much dominion over you anymore. All you need to do is to forge the right documents. Put someone else in your place for karma, even, you're smart enough to do that. You only get into trouble if you’re caught, after all. And if that helps with your situation? I say that it's for all the better.”

A sense of panic had risen inside of her when Lucifer realised that she could not recognise Crowley. And even more when Crowley announced who he had been— an angel who made the stars. Well. That could explain why he wanted to be so detached. He was an outlier amongst the rebels. Combined with living on Earth rather than in Hell... what if that’s why Crowley was able to survive the Holy water. Because he still was, at the core, an angel. True, all demons want closure in regards to that fact, but again, what was a starmaker doing on the wrong side?

Why? Lucifer was about to ask. Why did you fall? But at the sight of Crowley’s panicked expression, Lucifer realised just how deep of a grave she had just dug. No no no, focus. He may miss being an angel like everyone else, but he was still fallen. They could start with some sort of retribution, then move onto giving context. Yes, they could do that.

“At least the past is over and done with now. I…” come on. What should she say? "Think it was unfair.” There you go. “I think it was unfair that that had happened to you, the fall, and you have all the rights to be furious.”

There was some truth— in the beginning, Lucifer did feel guilt at leading a failed revolution. And just as she thought that she had cleared it away, it had chosen to waltz back into her life at the worst moment. Well no, she's not going to let that piece of doubt get the better of her. There was work to be done.

"Very well. Perhaps I can never see Earth through your eyes just as much as you can’t see it through mine. But supporting it is still problematic. Look at it this way. For…” a demon. But then he did not see himself completely as a demon. “Someone like you, you are very sympathetic. More than what is safe. So perhaps a story can help you reconsider this.

"You’re working on a little project called humanity. Perhaps you're tasked to work on something small, like painting the chrysalises of caterpillars, or a bigger group effort like sculpting mountains out of stone." Lucifer's gaze drifted to the ground. If only they knew. "Despite your small contribution, you understand that all this is going to pay off into a very successful project. Then the Almighty announces that you all are only granted six days to finish building the Earth. You need more time. All of you need more time. And you understand that in order to successfully finish your craft, you can't perform under such a tight deadline.”

Lucifer fiddled with her lapels. "You know, I've looked at human books out of curiosity sometimes, to see how they view this world. Alfred Russel Wallace once theorised about evolution: that the current versions of Earth's living organisms are a finalised product of several prior drafts. Well they somewhat are… just under a tight deadline. And you think to yourself: those aren't even the best examples of what we are able to produce. Some were downright rushed. What amazing things would we be able to do if we were given more time?"

She unconsciously chewed her lower lip. Maybe this was a mistake. It had always been a mistake to be this open. But the serpent had made stars once, so he was an artist of sorts. If Lucifer was lucky, perhaps he'd understand the grief too familiar to Lucifer. If Lucifer was unlucky… well. Whatever he did, it will only be another firm reminder for Lucifer to do better next time.

"And then rather than being presented a compromise, even if it was just one more day, what are you given? A war. Not only a war, but one that divided you and your friends. And, and, not only divide, but cause them to turn against you. In extreme cases, your loved ones are the ones who fight you on that battlefield, because they know that you love them too much to hurt them. They know that they'll be rewarded and become celebrated for "fighting against their personal desires in order to do what is right"." She gave out a cold laugh. Lucifer had a scar in her chest. It was the one where Michael plunged her flaming sword inside from behind her back. No matter how many corporations Lucifer swapped out of, the scar remained, a reminder of her mistake of trusting Michael too much, too soon.

“And then you and your coworkers become punished together. But not just with something temporary like being jailed, no." Lucifer pressed the cigar butt into the ashtray and miracled her good cigarettes, finally. Maybe Crowley will complain about the stench of burning cloves and yarrow, but that was beyond her concern. "Well. You know the rest."

She shot a sharp glare at the serpent, at the starmaker. "Do you see my point?"

Lucifer let out a long, quiet sigh as she sat back, her gaze on the other end of the room. “I understand your distance. I don’t understand your complicity. Well. Somewhat. Even so, I don't understand why you would want to stand for a symbol of exploited labour and Her hubris. And I know that there is no benefit for my own kind to have to stay in a dark tunnel forever when there is something better at the other side. You... could argue that the really good things, the best ones, are the pleasures we have to work for," she quoted in an ironic attempt to lighten the mood.

Lucifer sighed again and shook her head in confusion. "I bet you didn't fall for something as grave as I did, starmaker. But my point still stands, that gives you all the more rights to seek retribution for what She had done to you. Don’t you wonder whether your life could be better than it is now? Don’t you want justice, too? Don't you want respect?”

#collidingxworlds #the Earth is a Libra (canonverse)#//hi! Tagging your multimuse blog I hope that's alright ^^U

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adamwatchesmovies · 5 years ago

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Stuber (2019)

Movies like Stuber make it too easy. Throughout, the main character keeps going on about needing a 5-star review from his passengers, how 1 star will just kill him. Even if I didn’t normally award star ratings, I would just to show you how few this one deserves.

Things just aren’t going well for Stu (Kumail Nanjiani). Working as an Uber driver on the side, he’s saving money to co-fund the dream business of his longtime sweetheart, Becca (Betty Gilpin). She’s oblivious to his feelings for her. His daytime job sucks. A string of bad fares has dropped his star rating to 4.1. Any lower and he’ll lose the Uber job. Worst of all, he’s now giving a ride to Vic Manning (Dave Bautista), a police officer obsessed with finding drug trafficker Oka Tedjo (Iko Uwais).

The movie begins with an avalanche of contrivances and coincidences. On the same day Stu desperately needs a 5-star rating, Vic has gotten wind his “white whale” is in a prime position to be busted. Unfortunately, the grizzled LAPD cop got laser eye surgery that morning, meaning he can’t drive. He’s got to find the bad guy AND make it in time for his daughter’s art gallery opening, on the same night! On top of this, Stu’s crush has just broken up with her boyfriend and REALLY wants him to come over and console her. I understand the plot “has to happen” but this is ridiculous. Even the kickoff, the eye surgery thing is kinda lazy. You know Vic’s vision will return in time for the climactic showdown.

It’s essentially a poor man’s Taxi (the 1998 French film which inspired the 2004 American remake) but a schmuck loser driver. Stu can’t stand up to anyone who berates or insults him (so basically, everyone), has been secretly pining for his best friend for years (which makes him a creep, not a sweetheart), isn’t a good driver, and frankly, is plain stupid. No job would be worth the risk he's taking but he keeps chugging along, complaining the whole way regardless.

While Nanjiani and Bautista play well off each other, they’re just not given material worth their time. You’ve seen this movie's plot done hundreds of times. It’s exasperating and only gets worse once we get to the action. Either their filming coincided with earthquakes, or director Michael Dowse just doesn’t know how to keep a camera steady during fights. Considering he’s got Iko Uwais at his disposal, that’s downright criminal.

If they ever make a sequel to Stuber - which would have to be set during an eclipse because the stars perfectly aligning would be the only way this scenario could be recreated - it would actually have potential, particularly if Nanjiani and Bautista were in the car together. This effort, however, just doesn’t work. (Theatrical version on the big screen, July 23, 2019)

#stuber #Stuber movie review #Stuber film review #movies #films #reviews #movie reviews #film reviews #Michael dowse #Kumail nanjiani #Dave bautista #ikon uwais #Natalie morales #Betty gilpin #mira sorviino #karen gillan #2019 movies #2019 films #uber

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eye-of-enigmatic-thought · 6 years ago

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When in comes to fantasy races, having a race be ‘all irredeemably evil and horrible’ is so fucking lazy at best and downright offensive and insulting at worst. The only exceptions I can think of are when that race are more a manifestation of evil and wrongdoings in general.

#tara's text

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ramajmedia · 5 years ago

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10 Jokes From Cheers That Have Already Aged Poorly | ScreenRant

The contemporary culture of the 1980s was a whole world of difference away from the 2010s, and Cheers feels incredibly dated when you consider a lot of its jokes. While the series is ageless in its legacy, the younger fanbase of today will definitely have a hard time swallowing some of Cheers’ pills.

RELATED: 10 Things That Make No Sense In Cheers

Mainly, it’s because people have become more sensitive to certain things nowadays, and without the context of living in the 1980s or being aware of the culture at the time, these 10 jokes have aged very poorly indeed. The important thing to remember, though, is to have an open mind and accept that today’s way of thinking is a lot different from before.

10 "Don't You Ever Hit Me Again!"

It should go without saying that a man laying his hands on a woman is very bad, let alone having a main character from a TV show slap a woman in the face. But in the second season finale of Cheers, this is exactly what we saw.

RELATED: 10 Things Frasier Did Better Than Cheers

Here, Diane and Sam had a huge fight, one that spilled to insane levels of physicality. Diane would instigate the violence when she slapped Sam for being too mean with his words; to her immense surprise, Sam slapped her back. The two would then go back and forth with hitting one another, which was a sequence that was meant to be funny because of how childish they looked, but today it just makes us incredibly uncomfortable.

9 Rebecca Locked In The Vent By Carla

To be fair, even in the date that this episode aired this shouldn’t have been very funny. Carla was famous for being the meanest character on TV, but she crossed the line between funny and downright cruel.

In this episode, Rebecca opened up a vent in Cheers for repairs and headed inside to see what the problem was. Carla thought she’d be funny and lock Rebecca inside the confined space. Poor Rebecca was trapped in there for so many hours that she was still stuck by the episode’s end, and none of the other characters did anything to help her. In fact, Carla had even meaner things to say while she had Rebecca locked up.

8 "Desperate Times Call For Desperate Measures."

Funnily enough, this was meant to be a progressive episode back in 1982, where we saw the topic of orientation come up. Looking back now, Norm, Cliff, and the rest of the patrons look like complete jerks because they felt insulted that men who weren’t interested in women were in the bar.

They assumed two effeminate men to be their targets and drove them out, only to find out the men they were after had been among them the whole time. It was meant to showcase how ignorant Norm and the others were, but nowadays the jokes come across as more mean-spirited than anything else.

7 "I'm Going To Steal Your Girlfriend."

Henri was Woody’s girlfriend’s friend from France, whose real motive was to steal her from Woody to leech off her riches. As it happened, Henri arrived at Cheers along with Kelly, where he openly told Woody that he would steal Kelly from him.

RELATED: 10 Things You Didn’t Know About That ‘80s Show

Perhaps it was funnier back then that a guy would tell the boyfriend how he was planning on stealing the girl, but today it comes across as Kelly being very insensitive toward how uncomfortable Woody was. Henri would even be very touchy-feely with Kelly in front of Woody, but this was still supposed to be something funny rather than inappropriate.

6 "And Then, I Turned 11."

In this scene, the guys were clowning Rebecca for being a daddy’s girl. Rebecca’s truth came out in that she was still paid a stipend from her father despite being a woman in her 30s, and the gang didn’t let her hear the end of it. Frasier in particular feigned being on her side, only to tell her he was paid a stipend as well, until he turned 11.

RELATED: Big Bang Theory: 10 Hilarious Sheldon Memes That Are Too Funny

Sure, Rebecca was irresponsible for not taking control of her finances, but since today's audiences are likely to be more sympathetic to financial woes, they’ll likely take Rebecca’s side for wanting her father to support her financially.

5 "Well, You Never Hurt Me, Did You!?"

Another instance of Cheers broaching a little too close into male abuse territory, we're pretty certain audiences today won’t be very sympathetic to Frasier’s anger toward Diane. He was dumped by her way back in Season 3, but was still holding a grudge in the Season 11 finale.

RELATED: Big Bang Theory: 10 Times Amy And Penny Were Friendship Goals

When he saw Diane again, Frasier initially attempted to be cool, but then unknowingly started to hurt Diane by squeezing her shoulders too tight. Of course, Frasier's actions weren't intended to cause physical harm, but it's still something that probably wouldn't (and shouldn't) be included in a modern American sitcom.

4 "...There Is No Other Part."

Sam’s characterization seemed to be about how good-looking he was and how much he liked to be among the ladies, apart from which he didn’t have anything else; Sam realized this as well.

When Woody was disappointed that Sam had let him down, he claimed he had idolized the latter except for his two most well-known traits, leading to Sam quipping there were no other parts to him. Today, people would just condemn Sam for his debauchery, and call him shallow for being so superficial. He definitely was just that, but back then it was passed off as charmingly funny.

3 "Hunting For Snipe."

The gang at the bar liked to play rough, there’s no question about that. And when Frasier tried to integrate among them, they went extra mean. Taking Frasier out in the woods, they had him “hunt snipe," (which doesn't exist), and then left him out there.

RELATED: Friends: 7 Reasons Ross And Rachel Really Were On A Break (& 3 Reasons They Weren’t)

It was a simple practical joke at the time, but that was what bullies called it back then. Clearly, Frasier wasn’t someone equipped to survive outdoors, and he had to fight his way back to the bar where he found the others laughing at his gullibility. Fortunately, bullying isn’t thought to be as funny as it was back then.

2 "It Is Not In A Man's Nature To Sit Alone And Be Passive And Docile."

Yikes. This one's so bad we can't make a clear argument for including the full quote, which is incredibly misogynistic. Here, Cliff would argue with Diane that women were the ones meant to stay at home and indulge themselves in stuff like culture and nurturing, while men were meant to be hunters.

RELATED: How I Met Your Mother: 10 Best Songs Featured On The Show

The irony was that Cliff was clearly in the wrong, as Norm seated next to him refused to move an inch because he was lazy. However, anybody viewing the episode for the first time today would be inclined to overlook the punchline and latch onto Cliff’s ignorance of women, which we’ll agree was very striking.

1 "Goodnight Everyone!"

There’s practical jokes and bullying, but a whole new word has to be made for Carla’s cruel treatment of Cliff. There were times where she made sure Cliff was physically in pain, and this one was the worst of the lot.

Here, Cliff mistakenly set an attack dog onto himself by using its attack word; Carla called its owner to ask how to get the dog to calm down. When she was told the word, instead of rescuing Cliff (who was being chewed out by the sounds of his anguishes of pain), she bid everyone goodnight and left the bar so that Cliff would possibly get mauled to death. Nothing about this comes across as funny at all, instead we’re left hoping someone would throw Carla in jail for what she did.

NEXT: Supernatural: 10 Times The Show Broke Our Hearts

source https://screenrant.com/10-jokes-cheers-already-aged-poorly/

#screenrant

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madqueenalanna · 8 years ago

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A story, a love story

Pairing: unrequited Grif/Simmons Word count: 1,637 Prompt: from @goodluckdetective: “I want to tell you a story. A love story" "Does it have a happy ending" "They never do" Summary: Set after 15x06. Caboose and Simmons can’t sleep, so Caboose begs Simmons to tell him a story.

It was midnight. Not that Simmons could tell, underwater. His helmet probably had the right time, but he’d had to sync it with Sarge, and Sarge didn’t obey daylight savings time. Stranger still, he didn’t even use military time. But it was darker than usual, and no one else seemed to be awake, and so even if it wasn’t midnight exactly, it meant the same thing: Simmons was alone.

He was no stranger to insomnia. Back in Blood Gulch there had been nothing to do but sleep, really, and he got a perfect four-point-five hours every night. But ever since… well, everything, really… ever since the first time Church died, ever since the word freelancer started to mean something distinct, ever since he’d said goodbye to that ugly red canyon for what he didn’t know was the last time, he’d been consumed by sleepless anxiety. It wasn’t even like he was anxious about any one thing, really. Okay, these alternates reeked of something wrong, and Gene was really getting on his nerves, and they didn’t even have a version of– Well, there were a lot of possibilities, a lot of things that could go wrong. After so many years it was weird to have Wash and Carolina not be close at hand. Vulnerable, almost. Was that it? He was anxious about his anxiety. Dick Simmons was a self-fulfilling prophecy. But the quiet was good. Right? The quiet was definitely a good thing. After years of screaming matches across a baking plain, after the ear-splitting volume of grenades and gunfire and the sound Wash made when he realized Caboose’s attempts at pancakes were stuck to the ceiling, after all day with his helmet giving him a white-noise buffer, being alone in the dark felt not relaxing but wrong. No one snoring in another bunk, no sounds of Oreo packets crinkling, no tinny music escaping from bad headphones. Quiet. Peaceful. Lonely. He sat cross-legged on his bunk, the retirement-atrophied muscles in his back strained from the weight of his metal arm. In armor, the body suit could support the heft of it, but in just sweatpants and a t-shirt, the metal relied on negligible muscles, weak ligaments, and thin freckled skin to keep it attached. Sarge had done a serviceable job making him a cyborg, even if his robot eye had a tendency to go all “blue screen of death” when he was stressed, but his weedy body still hadn’t adjusted to the cold, solid weight of the robotic parts. As usual, he ached in all the parts Grif took something away from him. But, uh, that was just the eye and arm and fourteen feet of small intestine, not… “Simmons?” “Caboose! Christ, you scared me.” A hulking silhouette in one’s doorway was rarely cause for celebration. Caboose, like him, was out of armor, rubbing his arm like he was cold or uncomfortable. “I can’t sleep.” “Me neither,” he admitted. “Church used to tell me stories when I couldn’t sleep.” “No he fucking didn’t.” Church wasn’t usually as much of an asshole as he pretended to be, but he had his limits anyway. “Was it something like ‘once upon a time, you got the fuck out of my room’?” Caboose’s face lit up. “He told you some too!” Simmons sighed. “Just come in and close the door. You’re letting all my self-pity out.” Caboose followed orders and planted himself at the end of Simmons’ bunk, mirroring his cross-legged posture. “I’ll tell you a story. A love story.” “Does it have a happy ending?” “They never do.” He looked down at his fidgeting hands. His left was slim elegant metal, his right boney and freckled with chapped fingertips. How could his hands look the same after so many years? How could he look the same after everything? “Once there was a– a wizard. And the wizard was really good friends with a… knight. They lived in– in a–” “Castle?” Caboose supplied, wide-eyed. “Sure, if you believe the listing agent. And the wizard was the best at– I mean, he was the smartest guy around. Not very good under pressure, but like, why does that matter, y’know? It matters that he’s good at magic! Not how fast he can do it! The knight’s not very good at being a knight. He’s fat and lazy and can’t ride a horse.” “He sounds dumb.” “Thank you! He is! But the wizard is friends with him anyway.” “Why?” “I don’t know. The wizard thinks about that a lot. Like, he figures someday he’ll learn how to use a sword and then he won’t need the knight anymore, and maybe the knight will learn a little magic too and they’d have more in common… but it never seems to happen. He just realizes that– that the time he spends with the knight is better than the time he spends without him.” Caboose nodded very seriously and Simmons wondered if he was thinking about Church. They’d all lost so much but Caboose had taken it harder than just about anyone; not as vocal about it as Carolina or Tucker, but only because he was still a little in denial. After all, he’d said, people who are loved come back. It was a nice thought. “The wizard and the knight go on a lot of adventures together. They fight a bunch of dragons with weird names, they go back in time, they travel through space! They even become friends with some of the dragons.” “That is good. It is good to make friends.” “That’s what the wizard thought too. But the knight… the knight didn’t really want to be friends anymore. They hung out in a, um, a magical… broom closet. And then after that… The wizard wished he could go back in time again.” “Why didn’t he?” “Cause you can’t just go back in time, Caboose. It’s only… sometimes. So you don’t mess anything up.” “He doesn’t sound like a very good wizard.” “He’s not,” he admitted. “Maybe that’s why the knight wanted to leave. Maybe if the wizard was a better wizard, or a better friend… maybe they would have stuck together. But they didn’t stick together. The knight left the kingdom.” He was going to end his shitty story there, but Caboose looked so crestfallen… “But, um, later he came back! With jetpacks! And he and the wizard ruled the kingdom harshly but fairly forever.” There was a moment of silence and Simmons wished he couldn’t hear his own heartbeat in it. “That story was not very good,” Caboose said finally, and Simmons sighed. “But that is okay. You tried to make it good. I liked the dragons.” “Thanks, Caboose. I appreciate that.” In a worse mood, or a better one, he might have complained that someone who could not read or write was critiquing his storytelling, but it was late and he was tired and somehow he felt absurdly bad that he disappointed Caboose. “I do not understand about the knight.” “What’s not to understand? He sucks.” “Exactly! You cannot be a knight if you are not good at things! You have to be good at things to be a knight! You have to follow the code of shimmying.” “Code of… do you mean chivalry?” “Code of Italy.” “Okay, forget it. And sometimes… sometimes people aren’t what they should be,” he said, wondering how best to explain the fragile nature of human sin and greed to someone like Caboose. “Sometimes knights aren’t very nice. Sometimes soldiers are like Sarge! You know?” “I think the knight must still be good,” he said firmly, in his no-argument tone. “I think they would not let him have a sword if he were not good.” Caboose lived in a different world, Simmons reminded himself. But it was a nice world, in a sense, a world that was not concerned about whether or not dragons existed but only wondered how to fight them, or befriend them. If you have a sword, you’re the good guy. God how he wished that were true. “Maybe so,” he conceded. “I’ll keep that in mind when I make up a better story for next time.” Caboose’s eyes shone at the prospect of next time and he kind of regretted saying it already. Only kind of, though. “Okay. Thank you for the story, Simmons. I like the happy ending.” “Me too, Caboose. You should go to bed. We have to get back to looking for Church in the morning.” “Okay! It will be good to see Church again.” “Yeah,” he said, making himself smile. “It will. Good night, Caboose.” “Good night!” When he was gone, it was quiet again, and Simmons could hear the tick-tick of his pulse. He thought a little human contact would be just the thing to cheer him up, and it was nice of Caboose to thank him for his awful story. But he just fixated on that damn happy ending. Why did his shitty wizard get a happy ending? What was he doing wrong? How was it possible that he could do everything right and still get the short end of the stick? And worse– was he even doing anything right? “I miss you,” he mumbled aloud. There was no answer. Of course there wasn’t. Before Chorus, he thought Grif’s insults were the worst thing– his curses, his shrieks, his rage. Before Chorus he would have given anything to get Grif to just shut up for ten seconds. But now it was after, after everything, and it was dark and he was alone and the stony silence was downright oppressive and Grif’s absence was worse than even the most annoying aspects of his presence. He sighed, curled up on his bunk, tried to sleep. At least his shitty wizard got closure. Why didn’t he get even that?

#RvB Angst War #Red Vs Blue #Grimmons #Fan fiction

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thegospelofnagisa · 8 years ago

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There's nothign Nintendo and Intelligent Systems can do at this point to unify both sides, the division is just too deep. If they go more towards an old direction, the new fans won't take it well. if they do something more geared towards the post Awakening fans, veterans will hate it.

That is unfortunate, I’d imagine making a game mixing the best of both eras would be the optimate thing to do, and for what I gather, that’s the point of Shadows of Valentia and Heroes, the best of both. I can’t say how SoV would do since of course...it hasn’t come out and I’ve avoided spoilers, but for Heroes I can tell you what is the problem with this game taking that aproach....it’s done in an extremely lazy way.

They take comfort in knowing they’re “Cellphone Game...so they don’t need to make a big effort because cellphone games are shit and just cashgrabs right? They’ll excuse poor writting”, which is bullshit, I am sure you can do an amazing story on a cellphone game, just yesterday I was seeing the new chapter with Celica and her friends and it is awful, it’s incompetent, the scenes have no emoitonal weight and investment.

And the characters portrayal is inconsistent at best, and downright insulting at worst, Julia and Lachesis for example, they’re portrayed in Heroes as they are when they join your party, meaning bratty insuferable Lachesis and ditzy clueless Julia, and that is not the portrayal most fans apreciate about these characters, that’s not the quality they love, they love matured extremely brave mother Lachesis who learned from her mistakes and tried to atone them, they want badass Julia who stands up to Julius and jokes with Seliph about things.

Heroes takes the most annoying thing about Awakening and applies it to older characters, they make them stand out for one characteristic, so they become “Linde Shy Dress”, “Ephraim I TOTALLY NOT to bone my sister”, “Lachesis I love Eldie” etc.

As for the newer characters, they’re extremely formulaic, if you notice ALL siblings from Fates follow the same talking pattern, they say something about themselves, they talk about their retainers, they talk about Corrin and even if they use different words, they say it in the exact same way and that doesn’t look natural, it looks robotic, All of them are written more as “Exposition Bots” in a museum about Fire Emblem than written as people.

All excused by the lazy argument of “Lol cell game”, so of course people are going to be angry, older fans lash out for the team applying the same tatics they see in the games they hate so much, they fight with newer fans and the cycle repeats itself over and over again. So their effort to glorify FE’s story becomes an attack against what they love so much.

Add that to the fact that a lot of older fans just don’t seem to be flexible at all, are incredibly abrasive and unreasonable, they aren’t willing to look at Awakening and Fates characters and say “hey...maybe there is SOME good here”, they hate them because they’re Fates and Awakening.

To me, the solution to this problem has to be dealt between Nintendo AND the Older fans because the newer fans are a consecuence in this ecuation, not a factor, they come here because of Nintendo’s actions, you can say they don’t like FE in a “”Correct Way”” but they come here because they like what they see and there is nothing that can be one about it, I think Nintendo has to begin writing FE in a more respectful way, sit down, talk with older fans, ask them what they like, what they don’t like, what’s their problem with the new games...come to an agreement where both can compromise.

Maybe a game that despite being fanservicey, it’s still well written and it has characters that are PEOPLE, not bots. with a compromise by older fans that as long as the stories are epic, engages, take themselves seriously and have good written characters, they’ll accept it, even if the characters are all wearing thongs...who cares? At least they’re cool relatable people, that’s what you older fans like about FE don’t you?

As for newer fans...you should be able to like this right? Because you love Fire Emblem for characters and story, so it shouldn’t matter right? You people would still like Tharja even if she’s dressed like a nun right and she’s not stalking Robin right?

That’s what I think about it, this is just takend from Heroes, let’s see what Shadows of Valentia brings to the table.

#fire emblem heroes #fire emblem #Anonymous

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tigerlover16-uk · 8 years ago

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Which do you think was worse, the Super 17 Saga or the Future Trunks Saga?

Super 17. No contest.

Both sagas were very flawed, but the Future Trunks saga was no where near as awful as the former. Super 17 was a boring and bad saga all throughout. Future Trunks saga was a roller coaster of quality that had an unsatisfying conclusion, but at least had it’s high points and plenty of things to enjoy.

The Future Trunks Saga had plenty of good and even great episodes and moments, good villains, a meaningful conflict that was easy to invest in and fascinating themes that fit right at home in Dragon Ball and a lot of memorable scenes. Super 17 outside of the title villain himself had a good premise with every previous villain escaping from hell to invade the earth, but it was executed in the laziest possible manner.

None of the previous villains were handled well, in fact the things they do with Frieza, Cell and Android 17 are downright insulting to their characters. Despite having a perfect opportunity for the supporting cast to shine, the fights are so short and the past villains are presented as so not-a-big-deal-anymore that none of them really get any great moments. Gohan especially just ends being made to look pathetic when his only fights are against General Rilldo and Super 17 who both curbstomp him. He doesn’t even get to throw a hit against the former. Speaking of which the action was pathetic and unexciting, with not a single fight that’s worth re-watching on it’s own merits, the animation is unremarkable throughout, and almost everything about the saga that isn’t boring is just outright bad, like Piccolo getting stranded in Hell or the insulting way 17 is used that destroys all the potential to be had at bringing the character back at all (Seriously, thank GOD for the universal survival Saga). Super 17 himself is also possibly the worst villain in the franchise, or at least in the bottom 5, both for how his existence ends up destroying any potential for 17 going forward and being brought back and he’s just utterly boring and badly designed.

If we don’t count the episode at the World Martial arts tournament, which was meh at best, then the only moments I can think of as genuinely good were Piccolo’s hammy attempts at sounding like a villain again while blowing up heaven, Videl and Chichi overreacting a bit in their attempts to go help Goku out, and Android 18 helping out in the final battle. And the first of those is still undermined by what happens to Piccolo by the end of the saga, and 18′s contributions were barely anything anyway and the mean spirited way 17 is killed off because he’d been robbed of his free will earlier by Gero and Myuu still makes the scene more uncomfortable to watch than anything. Literally everything else was just underwhelming or painfully boring or insulting.

Linkara, my role model as a critic believes that the worst thing a story can do is to be boring. And while I think that’s subjective to an extent, there’s a good point to it. Something that’s bad can at least leave an impact and be interesting to think of why it’s bad, or can be so bad it’s good. Super 17 is mostly boring with plenty of bad sprinkled in.

Contrast this with the Future Trunks saga, where outside of a few nitpicks it got off to a fantastic start with it only starting to stumble around episode 53, which was still alright outside of Goku’s characterisation. It had some really memorable fights that were fun to watch both in context to the episodes and on their own. Sure some bad ones too, but it’s still a step up. The animation quality was hit or miss, but when it was good, it looked BEAUTIFUL. It introduced a great new supporting character in Future Mai, who was just awesome, and had her actually contribute to the action in small but crucial ways. Bulma also got plenty of moments to shine and be useful as a character, and Vegeta got to show off his character growth in some great ways. And a character BESIDES GOKU OR GOHAN got to land the final blow to the villain’s physical form.

There were legitimately funny, awesome and heartwarming moments and memorable scenes. The stuff with Future Trunks interacting with Gohan and his family. Goku Black’s introduction. His first fight with Goku, and then the epic battle in episode 57. Beerus deleting present Zamasu. The Vegito fight. and soooo many more. And yes, the saga fell apart somewhat in it’s second half and that’s very disappointing but you know what… at the end of the day, there was a lot to like about the saga. There are things you’d want to remember and look back on about it because of how good they were, things that make me excited to see them dubbed whenever funimation gets around to that. There was still a feeling like whatever their faults, the writers were at least trying and that there is a good story buried here. The saga can still be enjoyed somewhat if you turn off your brain to some of the stupider stuff and just take it for what it’s worth.

Super 17 though? Everything about it’s writing just felt like the definition of laziness, like nobody put any thought into any of it and no one was really trying except maybe some of the animators, and even they were phoning it in and didn’t bother doing anything special. It was a complete chore with nothing to motivate me to ever want to go back to it. Except I might have to because I still have to get around to writing a review of it at some point, and BOY I’m not happy about that. I can go into so much detail there, but honestly part of me just wants to forget about it and go straight to watching the shadow dragons saga. At least that can’t be any worse apart from the ending, right?

So to sum it up? Future Trunks saga was marginally bad but with plenty of things that were good about it that can make it tolerable and worth a re-watch at some point just for the good points. Super 17 is an insulting mess with no redeemable qualities and deserves to rot in HFIL for all eternity. It could well be the worst saga dragon ball has ever had, and I hope to God it stays that way. Maybe I’ll compare them more at a later date, like when I post my overall thoughts on both Sagas at some point, but I will stand by this opinion until my dying day.

#Dragon Ball GT #Dragon Ball Super #Future Trunks Saga #super 17 #Dragon Ball GT thoughts #Dragon Ball

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