#is just that imagine you lose time of your life making those icons and tumblr just block it? | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

donutloverxo · 4 years ago

Text

Before you

*not my gif*

Please note that my work is not to be reposted or published anywhere other than my Tumblr or AO3 account without my permission. Reblogs are most welcome though!

Note - this was requested by the lovely @whimsicalrogers thanks for all the icons, lock screen and dividers you made me! Thanks for the beta and all your advice @stargazingfangirl18. I hope I do you all proud🤭

Summary - Yours and Steve's relationship was perfect, until it wasn't. Will he be able to convince you to give him another chance?

Warnings - smut (m/f), jealousy, angst, dom/sub undertones.

Pairing - Steve Roger x reader

Word count - 4552

Masterlist is linked in the bio!

As someone who grew up watching an unhealthy amount of Disney movies and romcoms, you couldn’t help but dream, that someday your prince charming would come riding in on a white horse to whisk you away from your boring mundane life.

Someone you could love and hold forever, who’d do the same for you. Someone who’d always be there for you, to pick you up when you fall, to make you laugh when all you want to do is cry. Someone who’d be your everything and treat you as if you’re the most special person in the whole world.

But adulthood killed all those dreams all too easily. You learned the hard way that people didn’t really belong to each other. They barely even listened to when another person was talking.

You thought you came close a couple of times, but you never did find your special person. Everyone walks on their paths alone. And maybe it was better that way. You weren’t sure if you could ever completely open up and give yourself to someone else.

That was until Steve came along. He was someone as lost as you and even lonelier. Finding himself in a world he no longer recognised and among people he couldn’t really trust. It didn’t take that long for him to trust you.

You had put on Snow White which was Steve’s favorite from back in his day. You couldn’t help but insert yourself in the fairy-tale. After all Steve did always call you his princess.

“Steve?” You mumbled into his chest laying on top of him as the end credits played.

“Yes, sugar?” He replied running his hands through your hair before drawing small soothing patterns on your back.

He only had to move his nose an inch to smell your hair and get a whiff of your soft soothing scent. Who knew something so simple could be so blissful.

As much as he loved taking you out on the town and courting you to show you a good time and do all the things he never thought he could, he also loved spending these quiet evenings in with you. Where it was just him and you, the rest of the world just seemed to disappear. He wouldn’t trade them for anything.

“Never mind,” You shook your head. ‘It’s soon. You’ll scare him off.’ That incessant annoying voice in your head said.

“Hey,” He propped your chin up to make you look at him. His heart melted at your glossy eyes. So vulnerable and sensitive. Maybe it was what drew him to you. Your ability to be so sweet and wear your heart on your sleeve. Something he never could do. “What is it?” He asked lowly caressing your cheek. Not wanting to push you too much but he couldn’t really help himself when you looked so sad either.

“Do you think...” You whispered and licked your lips “We’ll be together forever. Like them.” You picked at the threads on his shirt too scared to look at him.

He smiled down at you. Getting up to sit straight and adjust you properly in his lap. “I know we will sweetheart.” He said confidently as if it was a fact.

You looked up at him still holding onto his shirt, as if he’d disappear if you let go for even a second “And do you think you’ll always love me?” You wanted to know.

“Yes, I’m sure of it. Where is this even coming from?” He frowned “I know... I don’t always do a good job of showing you I love you. This is new to me. I’ve never had a girlfriend.” And like the dork that he was he couldn’t help the goofy grin he made every time he referred to you as his girl “But I’ll do better,” He promised and pressed a long lingering kiss on your forehead to seal it. He cleared his throat to ask “What do you think I should do better?”

“No. You’re amazing, Steve, you don’t need to change.” You said giving his plump pink lips a quick peck “It’s just scary. How much I love you and how it can all go away if I’m not careful. People break up everyday and over the stupidest of things or over nothing. I don’t want that to be us.” You sighed unloading all your anxieties.

He nodded taking your words in “I understand. I’m scared of losing you too. More than you’ll ever know.” He paused looking for the best words “What we can do is maybe talk about such things?” He slowly suggested rocking you back and forth in his arms.

You happily tucked your head in the crook of his neck, hugging him close to you. Falling for his sweet words and him. Convinced that nothing would come between you both.

***

He got down on one knee not long after to pop the big question with an even bigger diamond to really show you how committed he was.

You were on cloud nine. You felt nothing could ever bring you down that you only had happier times to look forward to.

Until one fateful day, you didn’t realise it then but it was probably when everything started going to hell, Sharon Carter got back from her year long mission in Europe.

You were only an accountant working for the Avengers. Being so close to Steve did give you some influence, which you were ashamed of liking a bit too much, but no one was ever really scared of you. You heard chatter about her and your Steve. And how now he would surely ditch his ‘normal and plain fiancé'. They never tried that hard to hide it from you. They probably thought you weren’t here for the long haul.

“Hey Angie” You nervously called for your desk mate. “Why is everyone so obsessed with Steve and Agent Carter?”

“Oh you mean Staron?” She grinned before frowning, “Oh I’m sorry! That’s just what people call them. Not me though! You know how hard I ship you two.” She squeezed your shoulder in order to console you.

“Yeah but why? I mean did they use to date or something...” You trailed off knowing that it was something you should be asking your fiancé not your co-worker.

You had tried a couple of times but you were too afraid to come off as jealous or controlling. That was the last thing you wanted to be. You expected him to give you enough space to be your own person, so it’d only be fair for you to do the same.

“I don’t really know.” She stroked her chin as if in thought “You’ll just have to ask Captain Rogers. Nothing was ever confirmed they were just rumors. Even I’ll admit they would make gorgeous blonde babies. But girl! You don’t have anything to worry about! You’re the one who has the ring.” She tried her best to assure you but the seeds of doubt and fear had taken roots in your mind.

Steve assured you that there was never anything between them. They flirted with the idea of dating for a while before she went away, he doubted there’d ever be anything between them. He couldn’t imagine being with anyone else. Not when he’s so madly in love with you.

He was so convincing and charming.

The things that set him apart from everyone else, which you loved about him, were his honesty and loyalty. He blamed his Ma and 1920s raising but you didn’t care. He was perfect in your eyes. He didn’t need to fit in. Those things made him Steve Rogers. Your Steve.

***

You had never been more ashamed than when you went through Steve’s things to get some sort of clue. You went through his sketches to find if he was secretly harboring any kind of feelings about her. You only found sketches mostly consisting of you and the Avengers, some of Bucky and his mom.

You sighed in relief, but then, at the bottom of his drawer you found a sketch of Sharon drawn with charcoal pencil. You couldn’t help but cry tears of frustration and pain, tearing the sketch up and flushing it so he wouldn’t find out. You knew you made a grave mistake, even as you started snooping you knew nothing good would come out of it, yet you couldn’t help yourself. In the end you only upset yourself.

Steve got back from work shortly after with your favorite take out, he kissed you hello. He knew something was up but you simply lied and chalked it up to pms or something.

He was ever so understanding. Giving you a nice massage and drawing you a bath. You decided then, that you wouldn’t look for anything anymore. If Steve was being unfaithful you didn’t want to know. You’d rather live in this beautiful peaceful bubble of ignorance.

***

The next few months were tough. All your wedding planning had taken a backseat as Steve had started to look for his friend Bucky, who also happened to be the winter soldier, with Sam and Sharon.

You didn’t really have an answer when your mother pestered you about going wedding shopping. You didn’t know how to tell her that you doubted if there would be a wedding at all. It would break her heart. Especially after she had come to love Steve as much as you did.

You never complained. How could you? The whole world needed him much more than you ever could. And he didn’t seem to need you anymore.

He never had to have time for you anymore. Late nights at the offices, long missions with Sharon.

One rare night he was home for dinner, you were too busy sulking in your self pity to actually enjoy his company after he’d deprived you of it for so long.

You chose to give him the silent treatment, not speaking more than two words to him. He noticed. Of course he did, Captain America, always so perceptive and smart.

He tried to pry answers out of you for a while before his phone started ringing and he excused himself to go pick it up.

“Why do you always go into the other room to take your calls?” You asked when he got back placing his phone down on the table. Playing with your food not having the strength to look him in the eye and confront him.

He visibly stiffened at the underlying accusation in your question. He had grown annoyed of having the same discussion with you again and again. But he decided to bite his tongue. It was his job to make you feel secure in your relationship.

“It’s confidential information, doll. You know that.” He sighed.

You hummed “But you can tell me who you were speaking to right?” You finally looked up and you wished you hadn’t. He clearly wasn’t happy, his eyebrows furrowed in a frown and his jaw clenched, how you hated confrontation. Not that you ever thought you’d be confronting your Steve.

“It was Sharon.” He spit.

“Of course.” You scoffed going back to staring at your food as he rolled his eyes.

“What do you want me to say? I know you aren’t exactly fond of her but I’m not going to lie just to make you happy. Because that’s not who I am! I don’t lie.” He ranted holding up his phone “Why don’t you go through it? Maybe that will make you happy.”

You shook your head rejecting his offer. Even though you were tempted to, you knew Steve was smart. He was Captain America for gods sake. He’d know how to cover his tracks. If he didn’t want you to find something, you probably wouldn’t.

So you finished your dinner, angrily stuffing the food in your mouth while sneering at him and then left him to do the dishes.

You put yours and Steve's laundry in the washer. Even though you were salty with him you still did your half of the chores. Checking his pockets for any receipts or bills. But then you saw what looked like a shinning golden thread. You pulled at it to find that it was a long blonde hair. Which was clearly not yours.

You thought of going to Steve with it. But if you had to hear another one of his lame excuses you’d probably drown yourself.

So, for the first time, you simply went to bed angry with him. When he tried to talk to you, you retorted with a snarky or hurtful comment or didn’t speak at all. You knew just how crazy that would drive him.

***

You groaned for the fifteenth time in the past hour, your leg impatiently shaking under the table. He was an hour late. He was someone who took pride in always being punctual and sharp, clearly you weren’t important enough for him to consider your feelings. You decided to pick up your phone and call him.

“Where are you?!” You hissed as soon as he picked up. Too angry to even bother to say hello.

“I’m at work. I’m so sorry, doll, I won’t be able to make it. Something important came up.” He apologized. His voice laced with guilt. Which would’ve been enough to convince you maybe a month or so ago, but at this point he had missed far too many dinners and dates.

“Right. Of course. More important than me obviously.” You rolled your eyes.

“You know that’s not true – "

“You didn’t even bother calling me” You screamed into your phone.

“I did call.” He sighed “You didn’t pick up and I’m kinda busy right now.”

“Yeah I didn’t pick up! I was cooking a meal for our anniversary! You know what? I don’t care because you clearly don’t either.” You said hanging up without giving him a chance to speak.

You had packed some of the leftovers up for Steve but you decided to dump them all in the bin. He didn’t deserve your cooking.

You haphazardly threw the tupperware in the sink. Torn between punching a wall and hugging a pillow to cry out all your frustrations. You chose to rigorously scrub and wash the dishes.

Having spent some of your excess energy you sat in front of your dresser, putting some petroleum jelly on your palms to sooth the burn.

You sighed at the sight of your sparkly diamond. You couldn’t bear to look at it anymore. It reminded you of a happier and simpler time. The last thing you wanted was a complicated or dramatic relationship.

As you slid the ring off your finger placing it in your jewellery box, you couldn’t help but ponder on whether it was just as much of your fault as well.

You started packing your clothes into a small bag. Maybe you could spend a few nights at your mothers house until you can clear your head.

***

Steve hastily opened your apartment door with his keys. “Honey, I’m home.” He called out for you.

He rubbed his face, a nervous pit forming in his stomach. He knew he had been prioritising his work over you for weeks now, he didn’t know the extent of it until you told him off on the phone and then didn’t pick up any of his calls. He asked Sam to cover for him for the night as he made his way back home.

His enhanced hearing picked up on movements in the bedroom, he followed the sounds of your rustling, tossing his jacket on the couch.

His worst fears came true as he looked at you carelessly stuffing your clothes in a cabin bag. You spared him a glance before zipping the bag up.

He took a deep breath, he had to say the right words before he fucks up the situation more than he already has. “Sweetheart –“

“Steve, I’m leaving. I think we should take a break,” Your voice cracking a bit but you tried to be resilient and strong, you sighed as you saw the heartbroken look on his face as his jaw dropped “it’s hard for me too but it’s just not working anymore.”

“Is it hard for you?” He spit. “Everyone has problems, I just need one more chance.”

“I won’t let you break my heart again.” You swallowed as you felt tears stream down your cheeks, you wiped them with the back of your hand. “I’ll always love you but I’m tired of being disappointed and suspicious and jealous. It’s not who I am, it’s not who I want to be.”

“Wh – what do you mean suspicious?” He asked as his brows furrowed.

“I think you know what I mean. I know I’m not like a model or a kickass spy or unique. But I still want to be special to someone. I’m so...simple. I thought that was enough for you and us.”

“What are you even talking about?” He lost his composure and calm as his eyes watered, blurring his vision, he held onto your forearms, needing your touch the most right now, as if you won't leave if he held on tight enough. “I’m not special either.”

To which you scoffed. “That’s debatable.”

“It’s true. Captain America is special. He’s the superhero. I’m just Steve.”

“I know that’s what you think,” You said shaking his hands off of you and staring at the floor, not bearing to look at him “But it’s not the reality. Captain America is a part of you. And I think... maybe Captain America deserves someone extraordinary like Agent 13.” You let out a humorless chuckle.

“What the hell are you talking about?” He asked in his stern Captain voice, clenching his fists having had about enough of this.

You stiffened as a shiver ran down your spine at his tone. He had never spoken to you like that. He reserved that tone for his teammates and subordinates, and more often than not Tony. But not you. You were his precious baby.

You felt as if you were compelled to look up at him, he wasn’t crying anymore but his jaw had hardened, his face and neck flushed red. “Sharon. I mean,” You took a deep breath “I know there’s nothing between you two... probably.” you whispered as he raised a brow at you.

“But your work and duty will always come first and I know it is a good thing. But it’s not what I want. I thought I could handle it, the whole world needing you more than me and coming before me,” You spoke so lowly but you knew he could hear you, “but I can’t. I don’t think I ever will. A break will put things into perspective for both of us.”

“You have no idea what you’re talking about.” He growled as you rolled your eyes. “How could you think those things? I need you more than anything else.” His anger was fuelled as you scoffed again, as if he was lying. “Don’t you dare hink that there’s anything past or present that I’d put before you. You’re the only thing that matters. I promise.”

“You may believe that, but your words only carry so much weight when they’re not followed up by actions. I know you’re not the cheating type,” You rambled pulling on your hair and sighing, it was all so overwhelming “I don’t know what to believe. When I go days without speaking to you – what else am I supposed to believe?”

He hesitantly snaked an arm around your waist, pulling you closer to him, relieved that you didn’t stop him or push him away again, “Just give me one chance to prove myself. I know I’ll never be worthy of you but I don’t want us to give up so easily. Not without putting up a fight.” He gritted pulling your chin up as your hands played with the buttons on his shirt. “And you know how good I am at putting up a fight. I’ll always fight for you,” He smiled pulling your chin up to look at your pretty face.

“Okay,” You sniffled. “You’re always so good with words.” You smiled shaking your head.

He hummed at that. “I got you to go out with me, didn’t I?”

“What are you doing here anyway? Didn’t you have work?” you wanted to know.

He shushed you, pulling you into his chest and pressing his face in the crook of your neck. He craved your warmth and comfort especially after almost losing you. “I’ll never take you for granted again.” He nuzzled your neck before kissing it. “We can go venue hunting tomorrow. For the wedding.”

You smiled in his hold “Well I don’t know about that. Maybe the wedding planning can wait for a while.”

He hummed as he rested his chin on top of your head. He had his work cut out for him if he intended to keep you. He made a mental note of calling Tony first thing in the morning. “I hate it when we fight.” He said rocking you in his arms “But I like the making up part.”

You playfully smacked his chest. You just knew he was cheekily grinning. “I agree.” You giggled.

You hadn’t fought a whole lot throughout your relationship, but the make up sex was always amazing.

You gulped nervously as he captured your lips in a bruising and breath taking kiss. Letting you know just how much he loved you. You hummed as his hands caressed the soft skin of your ass, squeezing it lightly before he pulled you up.

You yelped as you wrapped your legs around his narrow waist. You trailed kisses down his jaw as he carried you to your bed. Giving him a nip or two here and there, smiling against his throat as you felt the vibrations of his moans.

He gently dropped you on your comfortable mattress, you giggled as you bounced.

Steve hovered above you, he was so large, he was the only thing you could look at. Your shaky hands worked on unbuttoning his shirt as he pulled your night shirt up, groaning at the sight of your soft nipples, hardening so easily at his touch. He pulled one in his mouth as he thoroughly sucked on it.

“Oh, Steve.” You moaned as his hand came up to pay some attention to your other breast, fondling it in his hand before tugging your stiff peak with his fingers. You gasped as he bit you. “Oh I’ll definitely feel that tomorrow,” You sighed pulling your shirt over your head as he made his way down your body, settling between your legs.

He looked at you as you bit your lip, your breasts laid flat as you chest heaved with anticipation. He let out a guttural sound as he saw and smelled just how aroused and wet you were for him. He licked a firm stripe up your warm folds before capturing your bundle of nerves in his mouth, harshly sucking on it as he worked you up with his fingers to get you ready for him.

The moans and mewls from your mouth and the squelching of his fingers were something akin to a symphony to his ears. He cooed as you thrashed wildly when he pulled away. “Steve!” You whined.

“Just a minute baby. You remember what we talked about? Patience.” He said as he quickly got rid of his clothes. His throbbing erection ached to be inside you. But he couldn’t help but tease his sweet girl a bit as he stroked himself above you, much to your displeasure.

He chuckled as you kicked your legs. “Patience,” He reminded you again as he bent to suck a bruise on your breast. He pulled away with a pop, pleased with the way your skin bruised under his assault, “So you’ll always remember how much I love you.” He murmured in your neck as he slowly entered your channel.

He stayed inside you just like that for a few minutes, it was comfortable like a warm hug, it felt like home because you were his home. No matter how many times he made love to you, he could never get used to how wet and tight you felt.

He sucked a few more love bites on your neck he knew you’d give him hell for later but in the moment he couldn’t bring himself to care.

He rocked his hips, slowly and tortuously pulling out of you before pushing back in till he bottomed out, searching for your special spot, he knew he found it when you threw your head back and started blabbering nonsense.

Your hips matched his pace, trying their best to keep up with his super strength and agility. He propped himself up on his elbows, he needed to see you, see your face twist in pleasure as he did such sinful things to you. Except they rarely ever felt sinful to him. It felt as if he was expressing his love for you by pleasing you and worshipping you.

“How could you ever think I don’t care about you?” He asked not really expecting an answer, what with you being so preoccupied and your mind too far gone to listen to him, as he drove his hips up harshly.

You shook your head muttering apologises and chanting his name as he felt you clench around him. Your nails dug into his shoulders, holding onto him as your orgasm hit you in waves of pleasure.

“I need you to say it.” He demanded. His thrusts lost any sense of rhythm simply pounding into you with abandon as he chased his release. “Say that you know that I love you.” He rasped as his hips stuttered. “Say. It.” He punctuated with a few more thrusts before he emptied inside you, panting into the crook of your neck.

“I know you love me Steve.” You mumbled as you ran your fingers through his hair. “I love you more.”

You felt him shake his head as he pecked your lips. “That’s not possible.”

“Yes it is!” You huffed incredulously.

“Agree to disagree.” He stated not really in the mood to fight with you anymore as you smacked his bicep, scoffing at him before muttering a ‘whatever’ under your breath. He pulled you on top of him still connected to your heat as he felt his spend spill out of you. “Can we stay like this for a bit?” He asked somewhat shyly.

You hummed, “Yes of course.” You sleepily mumbled against his soft and warm chest.

He listened to your breathing and steady heartbeat as you slipped into a dreamless slumber.

He couldn’t sleep. He only ever slept a couple of hours every night and now after everything that perspired, he was scared he’d fall asleep and you’d be gone when he wakes up.

There was no way in hell he’d ever let you. He’d give up the shield if he had to. He was as stupidly stubborn as you if not more. He was sure he’d fix everything as he kissed the top of your head and covered the pair of you with the comforter. So you’d feel as warm and comfortable as him.

Tags will be in the reblog! Click the link in the bio to be join the taglist or shoot me an ask/dm.

Comments and feedback are appreciated! ❤❤

Idk how Sharon comes off in this but no Sharon hate please! I don't have an opinion on her but I believe in girls supporting girls. Thank you😘😘

#reader x steve rogers #steve rogers x oc #steve rogers x reader #chris evans x reader #steve x reader #captain america x reader #steve rogers x you #marvel x reader #avengers x reader

1K notes · View notes

elizabeth-mitchells · 4 years ago

Link

“Proof” - Andy/Quynh - The Old Guard Femslash Fortnight

@tog-femslashfortnight

Saturday Prompt: Free Choice

“Oh don’t,” Quynh weakly protested, giving back the phone, “Do not make it a habit.”

Andy grinned at Quynh’s picture on the phone’s screen, “I don’t think I can promise that, love.”

–

or, a story based on that iconic tumblr post by @justqueeerious

It all started on a rainy day not too long after their reunion. Their time apart had left a mark on each of them, but more than anything, they wanted to make the most of the time they had ahead of them, looking up at the future with loving smiles on their faces. Then there was the fact that Quynh had missed on five hundred years of history. She was curious, she was excited, she was eager to see and learn as much as she could, and Andy, well, she was happy to indulge her in anything she wanted. That’s why the ancient warrior allowed herself, if only for short periods of time. to forget about selfless missions for the betterment of the world, and instead focused on lazy mornings snuggled up in bed with the love of her life.

“Andromache,” Quynh called her name softly, “Do not tell the others I said so but, this is just a magical little machine.” She grinned at the smartphone in the other woman’s hand.

Andy laughed affectionately. “I bet it can do more impressive things, but you’d have to ask Nile to teach you when we’re all reunited again. I only know the basics,” she shrugged.

Quynh, who had been resting her head on Andy’s shoulder, suddenly perked up and let out a small gasp of amazement. They had been texting Joe and Nicky, and Quynh was already impressed by it all, but then the phone displayed a picture the couple sent, and that was just mindblowing to her. “How?!” she wondered, looking back and forth between the phone’s screen and Andy’s smile.

“Let me show you,” Andy’s smile only grew in size. If she knew Quynh as well as she knew she did, then it was probable that in a matter of months, maybe weeks, Quynh would have a firmer grasp on modern technology than Andy herself. So, Andy was determined to enjoy these constant little moments of endearing surprise that came over the other woman’s beautiful, perfect face.

Andy, not without complaints from Quynh and regret on her part, moved away from her lover and crawled to the other end of the bed, where she fumbled with the phone for a few seconds before holding it up to take Quynh’s picture. The result, Quynh’s officially first picture, was so unmeasurably precious to Andy, that all she could do was shake her head in wonder. “I love you so much,” she sighed contentedly.

“My heart, what did you just do?”

“Take a look,” Andy passed her the phone, hoping her lover’s interest in the picture would keep her from noticing the tears filling Andy’s eyes.

Quynh gasped when she saw herself captured on that small screen. Immobile, surrounded by the fluffy whiteness of the bed covers, her hair a mess, her features relaxed, her comfortable black pajamas familiar and strange at once. “This made you cry?” she asked.

Her words made Andy’s entire body shake with laughter. “Come on, give it back, I want to take another,” she moved back to Quynh’s side.

“Oh don’t,” Quynh weakly protested, giving back the phone, “Do not make it a habit.”

Andy grinned at the phone’s screen, “I don’t think I can promise that, love.”

–

It went on and on. At first, it still came as a surprise to Quynh. Andy would call her name, she would turn to look at her in confusion, seeing her holding the phone up, and then she’d understand. However, it wasn’t too long before Quynh got used to it, and started making the most out of it. Every time Andy called her name Quynh would turn around with a perfect smile already in place. And, more often than not, she could tease her love about it. “Like what you see?” “My heart, you’re blushing again,” “Try not to cry this time,” she’d say. Only to receive a few, “Just enjoying the beautiful view,” “I can’t help it, you’re gorgeous,” and the occasional, “Shut up, I only cried once!” from Andy.

Andy was unstoppable since then, really. And Quynh only rarely pretended that she was upset by it at all. For example, when Andy was teaching her how to drive, but couldn’t let the event pass by without photographic evidence.

“Andromache, I’m going to crash the car if you don’t put down the phone,” Quynh mumbled from behind the wheel, “And one of us is not immortal, do I have to remind you that?”

After taking a picture, Andy put down the phone and laughed, “Yeah, well, I also said both hands on the wheel but who’s posing for the camera huh?” She didn’t mind at all though. How could she be bothered at all by the display of confidence, the effortless grace and unwavering determination in the other woman’s face, as Quynh expertly took over the street as if this modern car was not too far from the chariots they once were so comfortable on. That would never change, no matter how much time passed, just the two of them, passing through the world at their own speed, untouchable, completely in love.

Even when they were getting ready for training, something that even after thousands of years was never unnecessary. It kept them in shape and if they were being honest, they just loved it. It was part of who they were, and it was difficult to imagine their lives without the constant thrill of being always ready for battle, something as natural to both of them as waking up every morning. Andy had trained alongside Quynh for thousands of years but, of course, she’d never seen the love of her life wearing modern-day training clothes. It was too much. Too tight. Too little in certain places. And then there was fiery determination in Quynh’s face.

Andy was surprised the picture came out alright, considering she felt herself shaking a little bit by simply staring. Maybe Quynh won most of their fights that day. And the others would never forget the one day where they saw Andy getting her ass kicked for the first time in nobody knew how long. But Andy didn’t mind, she didn’t feel like she was losing anything at all when she had Quynh pin her down to the ground and smile at her just… in that way only Quynh could.

–

When Quynh was getting just comfortable enough with life in the twenty-first century, she decided she wanted to see the world. She had explored it, again and again, while holding Andy’s hand, but now, the world had changed. There was so much novelty, it was almost an entirely new world. That thought could be a dangerous one, a troubling one. But Quynh, she chose to focus on all the opportunities this offered. She focused on Andy’s hand in hers, Andy’s delight in showing her every new wonder this world had to offer, Andy’s bright smile, Andy’s loving eyes, Andy slowly but surely leaving behind her guilt and sorrow to give herself completely to Quynh, as if it was the first time, as if she was just getting used to not being devastatingly alone for the first time in her life. This meant that in their best moments Quynh could put down the weight of pain and rage and almost forget it was there in the first place.

Those were the best moments, the ones that Andy went out of her way to keep with her forever in as many pictures as possible.

“Would you rather we were traveling on horses?” Andy asked with a smile as she watched the love of her life continuing to pout because of all the waiting they had to do at airports.

“At least back then anyone could have a horse,” Quynh rolled her eyes, “Why don’t we have a plane?”

There was a picture of Quynh in every city, almost a picture of her in every single place they visited. There was Quynh’s amazement and wonder, her confusion, and occasional distaste at the things she was discovering. Everything captured in pictures. Andy treasured every moment of course. More often than she’d like to admit she caught herself holding back tears again. She couldn’t hold back all the love she felt for this wonderful woman in front of her. Quynh could bring her to tears, could make her throw her head back laughing, could make her forget where and when they were, all with just one look.

–

All the traveling, all the missions. Andy knew she hadn’t stayed still in a single place for a long, long time. But it wasn’t until she got Quynh back that she realized it had been exactly five hundred years since she’d wanted to stay anywhere. Without Quynh, there was no home, no place where Andy would completely belong, not without her. Now, however, Andy was attacked by the realization that with the love of your life by your side, settling down for a little while at least wasn’t so bad at all. There was something nothing short of magical about the way it felt to wake up in the same bed, in the same pair of arms, again and again. She could never get tired of it, really.

Other than the lazy mornings and, well, pretty much every moment they spent together… Andy was discovering she really loved the little moments of quiet companionship with each other. It had been so long. But it still was the most natural thing. And there was a fun addition.

“You’re distracting me, my love,” Quynh mumbled on more than one occasion as she tried to focus on the book she was reading. It was just another way of seeing the new world that was around her, and she found she was starting to like it.

“I am completely quiet,” Andy replied, frowning at her phone, trying to decide if the pictures she’d just taken were good enough or if another was necessary.

“Are you really so bored you have to keep taking pictures?” Quynh asked another time, not even looking up to see that the other woman was caught.

“Yes,” Andy shrugged, “This is my desperate attempt to get your attention back.” It usually worked.

–

Their traveling continued though, through every season. In the spring, Andy’s phone threatened to collapse with the overflow of pictures of Quynh surrounded by all kinds of flowers, full of color and life. The summers weren’t their best time, and they decidedly avoided certain popular summer destinations. Instead, they made the most of the colder months of the year. They both could still remember the times when the only reason they managed to survive many brutal winters was that they were immortal. But the comforts of modern days made incredible things possible, and Quynh was delighted to make the most out of it.

“Fake fur, huh? That’s interesting. Certain much less work to do,” Quynh commented as she snuggled into her own coat.

Andy was staring at the most recent picture on her phone, a content smile on her face. But as soon as she glanced at Quynh, she found she barely cared about the picture anymore. A cold winter breeze passed by, and Andy trembled even more because of the thought that passed by her mind. For hundreds of years, she’d grieved this wonderful, gorgeous woman that now walked beside her. Andy had gripped her memories like her life depended on it, and it often wasn’t enough, her memories of Quynh never faded away, but with time they got at least a little blurry. Could it be possible that this almost desperate impulse she felt for taking her lover’s picture was just an unconscious attempt to immortalize their memories, in case they were ever separated again?

Shaking that train of thought off her mind, and shoving her phone deep in her coat’s pocket, Andy moved closer to Quynh. She wrapped her arms around the love of her life and firmly kissed Quynh’s cheek. “I love you, have I told you that today?” she asked when she moved away.

“Time has made you too soft, my heart,” Quynh shook her head at Andy, but she was smiling and she was blushing, not because of the cold.

–

Five centuries was a long time to miss. The world as Quynh had known it was entirely different now, and she was still getting acquainted with this modern version of it. But, some things never change, they can’t, they aren’t allowed to, or they just don’t want to. After leaving the ocean behind her forever, Quynh worried she would be different, that she’d changed too much. Then she worried she hadn’t changed at all and wouldn’t ever find a way to fit in anywhere again. That thought lasted up until the moment Andy first put her arms around her. Then, Quynh realized, not only she’d always have her home in those arms, where the two of them would always fit perfectly with each other. But she noticed this hadn’t changed at all. The two of them. They could grow, they could love each other even more, but never any less, that could never change.

And, there was another thing: Nature. Andy fought herself constantly for a feeling of not having been able to do enough, to keep humanity from doing itself and the world as much damage as it had. But still, there were some places, and they were nothing short of heavenly, that hadn’t changed too irrevocably these past hundreds of years. Even more, some places were still familiar from a thousand years ago. Some places were older than her and Andy put together, and they’d outlive the two of them and every person that lived on this Earth. That was the only reassuring thought that for thousands and thousands of years reminded the two immortal women that they could be extraordinary among humans, but they’ll always be just that, humans.

So, in one very special forest, a place with trees that supposedly were older than Andy, a place that they’ve visited and protected for as long as they could remember, Andy and Quynh rested. They camped for a few days, taking with them comforts of this decade, and knowledge of the past millenniums. They spent their nights wrapped around each other, staring at the stars, familiar as each other, but undoubtedly ever-changing, at the moon, a comforting presence that had never, not once, left them on their own, it was almost a part of who they were. But, during their first day there, Andy noticed her phone would die and she had no way to charge it.

Andy was sitting on the ground, her back resting against the trunk of a tree, and her arms were wrapped around Quynh, who was sitting in between her legs, with her back comfortably resting against Andy’s front. It was familiar and perfect and they wouldn’t have minded spending a hundred years or so just like that.

“That’s a shame,” Quynh said of the little number at the top corner of the screen that warned them of the phone’s dwindling power. Recently she’d gotten quite obsessed with a game on the phone and although it was incredibly endearing and at times concerning, it had stolen most of the phone’s battery.

“It’s okay,” Andy mumbled, realizing she couldn’t care about anything but the sweet scent on Quynh’s hair and the softness of her neck under Andy’s lips.

“I want one of you, one of us.”

“Hm, what?” Andy asked, begrudgingly moving her attention away from the kisses she’d dedicated herself to leaving on her lover’s neck.

“A picture, like this one,” Quynh answered. She was staring at the lockscreen of Andy’s phone, a picture of herself, as usual, one of a thousand pictures.

“I can do that, I think,” Andy said. She moved her hands to take the phone from Quynh’s hands, fumbled with it for a little bit, and then she managed exactly what Quynh wanted.

The next seconds were spent with the two of them smiling at the camera of the phone Andy held in front of them. Andy kissing her cheek. Quynh kissing her cheek in retaliation. Kissing each other’s lips because they couldn’t hold back. Grinning at the camera again. One attempt at seriousness. Another failed attempt. Picture after picture. Until the moment the phone died, making Quynh gasp a little at the sudden surprise.

“It’s fine, they’ll stay there,” Andy reassured her, tightening her arms around her and going back to her favorite activity of trailing kisses on Quynh’s neck. “Besides,” she stopped for just one second, just so Quynh could twist enough in her arms to really look at her, so they could look into each other’s eyes and understand completely and absolutely the truth of her next words, “I love the pictures, but I don’t need them. I have you here, that’s what matters. I love you, I don’t need proof of these moments, I could never forget them.”

73 notes · View notes

the-acid-pear · 3 years ago

Text

Tumblr refuses to let me reblog the post again, so this is the second part of me reading the second btg book! ☺️

Still Chapter 211

Son on son violence

Chapter 212

This dude pretty cute ngl

Shit, rip

AAWW HIGH 5 🥺🥺

It's almost like they are a regular father and son 😭🥺💔

Chapter 213

Look how thigh those shirts are hehehoho 🥴

OYXITSITDITDLTD

Ooooh there goes my man Jyaku ready to kick some ASS

🥺😭💞

Baki really just forgot his mom eh, thought you were getting stronger for HER smh

Oh Jyaku vs Retsu? Nvm Jyaku i can only hope Retsu is nice w you

I like how most are like, confused over who to cheer for lmao

I know he won't make it but I'm cheering for Jyaku btw i like him more <33

Chapter 214

Love that title, can't believe Jyaku is gonna ask Retsu out 😍 /j

He really is just honest Igari

I love that he apologizes

Chapter 215

OJFOYDITDISTOTDG

HIS FACEEE THIS FUCKING CLOWN 😭😭😭

THIS IS JUST SO FUCKING FUNNY

Chapter 216

Burgir

GHZJDUDDRHD THEY ARE SOOO MAD

That smile so cute...

Jyaku is a king

Love it when Retsu throws that pose, though y'all know why

HDGSSGSGF you are coming to Japan wether you like it or not 🔫

Chapter 217

Finally Jyaku got serious too

WITH HIS TOES 😭

King is just obsessed i luv him

HEHE HAIRY LEGS

It does seem like Jyaku is trynna confess his love jfnshdshdf

Chapter 218

I remember i almost laugh cry with my dad when we saw this

His damn beard... 💔

THE HAND OF THE TRAITOR

He has a good point

They be calling my man Jyaku a masochist noooo yfjdhdgs

Chapter 219

Okay seems kinda into it <:/

Old man? He doesn't look that old Baki :/

That was so smart 🥺

Chapter 220

Retsu calm down please you are gonna break his back

Oh my god Retsu, oh my god.

He did apologize at least

Chapter 221

Damn dude be a little more gentle with him

Oh, get was picking him up, okay

FR FR

🥺🥺🥺

FARHDHDYFTH THE KINGGG

Chapter 222

I love how everyone completed him (except Yujiro but not surprising), these warriors are such a good team

I want to eat an apple too now

That was fast

I got distracted watching a vsauce react video sorry

Okay I'm glad a comment actually mentioned Sik

Chapter 223

Had to take a uh idk 5 hour break bc lights went out :/

Feet be fuming lmao

Ohhh that's a cool analysis

Chapter 224

What a good punch

That "please",,,

Poor Li man, having to see his brother DIE /j

No, Viêt Long, i have not been hit by a truck before.

Chapter 225

It's so funny how Jyaku lost bc he fought a main charac and only those win

Sad day for the Chinese citizens

Mf got tits in his back

This is gonna be so goodddd

Chapter 226

Look at the size of his tits, the slut

INSTAGRAM INFLUENCER POSE WOOO

These two are cool fighters

Chapter 227

Old man showing skin

His smile is so fucked up lmao

Chapter 228

Baki what the FUCK are you wearing?

I just remembered when Hana did a flip, that was so good

Retsu babey 🥺

I love how confused Yujiro looks

Chapter 229

Hey, i recognize that name...

Kaku just too op

Yujiro you are gonna pop your testicles if you do that with your leg

Chapter 230

God that's such a good threat

Love Retsu's confusion

Damn bitch you saying we gotta keep up w this whore cuz you were too slow? Ffs Kaku 😢

I love when you can tell someone is still hanging around just quietly by seeing their response in a comment

Chapter 231

God this just feels so good, to see Yujiro actually scared 😍

YOOO THAT'S POG

Chapter 232

I wanna finish this book and start the next one grrr

This fight is so satisfying

That last bit is so cringe but whatever that's okay

Fight so controversial comments were deactivated

Chapter 233

Itagaki hincha de boquita el más grande? 😳 /j

Okay yeah it IS just rude

Hohoooo shit getting nice

Chapter 234

This asshole lmao

Yuji-chan really went "how many times do i have to teach you this lesson, old man?!"

Mfs be doing Jojo references in the comments lol

Chapter 235

GTFO WITH THAT LOGIC RETSU IM SORRY CHINA IS LOSING BUT GET LOSTTTT AJSGAJGS

Ffs Kaku you are doomed 😢💔

Yujiro so strong my mouse disconnected

Chapter 236

Abs in his back...

Crying and shaking that is NOT true

DON'T FEED HIS EGO, KAKU

LIONS CAN BE KILLED BY TIGERS TOO!!!!

I thought Yujiro was bleeding for a second there smh

Chapter 237

OKAY YEAH IT IS HIS BLOOD ITS COMING OUT OF HIS NOSE ITS NOT MUCH BUT HE BLED

THE HEAD APPLAUSE

HE'S SO UPSET LMAOOO

Yujiro surprised is good shit

GSJDUFTHSTD

KAKU YOU LEGEND LMAO

Kaku has boyboss energy

Chapter 239

This cover almost gives me a stroke

I love how they all just shat their pants

These minor Chinese characters were so good tbh, sadly i don't think they will ever return

Don't worry Retsu, we the viewers have seen a man revive before

King i don't think any of us understands

It really is

CAN MEN IN THIS FRANCHISE JUST OPEN BOTTLES REGULARLY?!

Oh my god i though Yujiro was sitting on the air for a second i almost cry 😭

Coca cola must have paid Itagaki /j

Chapter 240

Oh so the Kaioh part takes the name, not the surname

...is Yujiro wearing a floral shirt? 😭

I LOVE THAT ENDING SO MUCH 🥺😭

Jyaku has his eyes fixated on Retsu eh, proud of having him come to Japan lmao

Chapter 241

HORRIBLE fit Baki

CHILDHOOD SAGA PART 2? 😰

Jk though i do miss Yuri 🥺

Oh hey Jr

You gonna fuck his girl, bro?

Chapter 242

So straight forward lmao

I'm starting to appreciate Baki's feminist ass every day even more

AAAA GRANDPAAA 🥺🥺💞

This page didn't allow me to call two mfs virgins smh, 1984

Chapter 243

Grandpa they shrunk you

Chapter 244

Kings idc about this

Okay true but also he's 70 dude pls... Though idk if this guy will go thru worse than Jack lmao

Such a nice lad

Chapter 245

Baki being such a feminist icon is so meaningful considering how his parents were,,,

MY MAN IS BACKKK AND AS DAPPER AS EVER

Doppo he's called Ali Jr how are you surprised?

OH MY GOD I JUST REALIZED HIS EYE PATCH HAS A PATTERN THAT'S SO COOL 🥺🥺😢💞

These men love throwing their glasses eh

Chapter 246

If only Igari and Toba had done this lol

OKAY THATS COOL I LIKE THAT

Me lo re devaluaron a mí pelado eh

HEHE OOOOH NICE 😳

Scenes that give me a boner

CHU...

Such a good callback...

Chapter 247

My man got serious, sweet

Doppo has been trying out his luck a bit too much like he's been betting with his life an uncomfortable lot like king do you need to talk? Are you okay? First asking Gouki to kill him now this like, is everything alright Doppo?

YEAH A BIT FUCKED UP TO THINK ABOUT

I love that blocking technique

OSHWOWHIWWH "gay ass Orochi, out of option so he touching dick" SHUT UPPP 😭😭💀

I really wish he got kicked in the nuts again see if he's still using his technique

Chapter 248

Poor guys thought he was bout to get murdered

A kiss? 😏 /j

When i saw this in the anime i actually thought Orochi was going to die, i was gonna get sooo angry

Chapter 249

What a way to cockblock em

Feminist icon

Jack is that the only sweater you own?

Chapter 250

I have been thinking of that scene of him eating the whole steak a lot

Jr like 🥺

Imagine being stupid enough to tease Jack like, i get he defeated two masters but they are NOTHING compared to this monster

Imagine jack just smoked some weed right there lmao

Jack needs to bite people more

Chapter 251

My shitty ass son gave me parkinson's

Jack that's not how human anatomy works what the fuck did Kureha do to your body spine?

Chapter 252

DAMN JR WHAT A FAT ASS

Looked like Jack was going for a handful

Those techniques must fuck your neck up so bad

Okay Jack you are going a bit far now don't cha think?

Chapter 253

You are tempting your luck sunny boy

Look at that, you pissed him off!

You cannot just know out jack hanma bro

HHH

This was so stupid yet, unironically, iconic

Chapter 254

Bruh i thought it said Pog 😭, ain't manslaughter poggers Mr Hanma?

OKAY THANKS JACK

Such a simp he downed that coffee cup

Grandpa put here cockblocking

Chapter 255

"no he didn't >:/"

These two masters are a pair of fucking idiots like understand this i love my grandpa and i love my man but mfs have to take the L for this one time sksgwjgshgw

Gouki bro my senses gonna shut down if you put your sucks against the dirt again OUGH sensory hell 😭

FOR FUCKING REAL JR

STOP ENABLING THE OLD MAN!! WKSGKSGSJSHDD for once I'm on Viêt's side 😭

Chapter 256

Hoho Gouki out here getting a panty shot 😳

Grandpa i love you but this was unnecessary

Chapter 257

Kozue should wear a Korn tshirt

GET HIS ASS KOZUE

OWHWLWGISGSJWG 😭😭 MF JUST STANDING THERE LIKE A FREAK I LOVE HIM BUT I HATE HIM SM!!!

Love how consistently round his hands are, king got no knuckles

HEY DONT CALL MY MAN A FREAK KOZUE

King hasn't changed his clothes ever since i see

His shoes look so nice...

OKAY OKAY HE HAS A POINT AT LEAST, HE AT LEAST ACCEPTED HE LOST BUT HE'S STILL BUTTHURT FROM IT SKSGAJGS BUT HE ADMITS IT!!

Doppo i love you but shut UPPP you lost get over it!! You are just going for the rematch bc you have the higher ground against a injured guy!!! Like Shibukawa didn't have time but you were already getting serious!! Hhhgrrrrrr doppo i love you but I'm going to bark

Hehe nvm he still hella fine... keep talking king 🥴

This was so mean of him sjsgwjwg

Chapter 258

Low-key starting to believe these two mfs plotted against Jr sjshsj

THAT FACE AKSGWJGS just 😐

If i didn't know you would get your ass handed in a plate i would be a lil mad he's planning on being that savage

He has been thru worse, sunny boy

Niceee

Tbh. I don't care anymore. Doppo is in the wrong, but GOD I'm a simp and i love seeing him fight 😍😍🥴

Yeah a comment mentioned it, we all were on Jr side until he threatened to kill Doppo Orochi like, even if not everyone here is as horny as me we all like an og fella

I also love how the prisoners really changed them all, the scars (both physical and mental) those 5 left will be remembered lol

#luly talks #btg #i ran out of space but that's good cuz im sleepy and have 3% of battery lol #i wanted to reach chapter 260 but this works #14 last episodes for tomorrow woo #baki liveblog

5 notes · View notes

murphystartedthefire · 4 years ago

Photo

Okay it’s been some time, I’ve had some days,

MEMORI FINALE DISCOURSE ANONS LET’S GO

My feelings are mixed! They really are. My overwhelming finale reaction was “huh, I guess that wasn’t as bad as it could’ve been” followed by a long, numb, aching feeling in my chest, followed by peace, followed by “they can still grow babies on Bardo though, can’t they?” (that’s a side conversation)

So I’m not telling ANYONE else how to feel, because I’m still sorting my own feelings out. I certainly appreciate that this is a hard ending to swallow for Murphy fans who don’t like Memori. Remember, even for you it’s not as bad as it could’ve been since he’s alive and happy and with everyone else at the end!! But the way he got there basically by accident and was otherwise 100% gonna choose death over living without Emori as the final culmination of his story... not everybody’s gonna find that super romantic and beautiful, especially if you’ve felt for seasons that Murphy’s Epic Love For Emori is not your favorite thing about his character, or you actively think their relationship is unhealthy, toxic, etc.

(I promise I’m only gonna yell SHE’S MADE THAT CHOICE TO SACRIFICE HERSELF AND DIE WITH HIM TOO once. I’ll just say it once. I needed to get it out of my system, it’s my tumblr. I know it’s not the same because they survived all those situations. Then again they also, incredibly, survived this one.)

As someone who does love Murphy’s Epic Love For Emori? And expected it to play a big role in the end of the show, but never imagined it happening like this? Yeah, it got me. It made me cry. It’s making me cry now.

Murphy and Emori are THE love story of “The 100″ for me, the way normal(?) shippers felt about Bellarke or Clexa. Without them I wouldn’t have made this sideblog or ever engaged with this fandom. Without them I would have stopped watching the show pretty early in season 6, if not earlier. I’m not going to act like this conclusion to their arc wasn’t *extremely validating* and emotional for me.

If I have something to criticize about this ending (pre-transcendence epilogue), it’s really a problem that was built up long before the finale and especially in this season. I wish they weren’t so isolated. I wish Emori wasn’t basically the only thing Murphy valued or made his life worth living, ‘cause that was never fair to either of them. I wish their love had made them stronger and more connected to others, instead of constantly just anchored to each other, dead or alive.

“The 100″ might’ve been better overall -- certainly more watchable for me -- if they were part of it and not on a whole other show sometimes. On the other hand, my lizard brain only wants to see them together, so being the center of each other’s world to the very end, to the point where they’re SHARING ONE UNCONSCIOUS BODY, only makes me ship them harder. It’s a double-edged sword.

The whole mind drive thing... you don’t have to think it was the right choice or the healthy choice, even. You just have to get that it was Murphy’s choice, and completely on brand for him. He never wanted to just ‘survive’ if it meant losing her. It was an insane gesture that he committed to with every fibre of his being.

Look, once the mind drive was in Murphy’s head -- once Emori was dead, honestly -- there was no “good” way for it to end. I felt that viscerally as I was watching the episode. (Yes, yes, pre-epilogue, I was proven wrong by magic and aliens.) Murphy could stay in there and die with her, or Emori could push him out and convince him to let her go. He’d still get to say his last goodbyes with her, but she could more firmly insist he needs to move on -- I briefly wondered if that’s how the scene would end.

But I wouldn't BELIEVE Murphy moving on and letting go. I've said in like 20 different posts that the ending I wanted LEAST was for Emori to be killed and shatter Murphy’s soul and force him to be alone. (Not least because holy hell I didn’t want to watch a WOC violently fridged for his survival and character growth.) The second-worst ending to me would be him dying and her surviving.

It wouldn’t work without another full season (at least!) of Murphy coming to terms with Emori's death and finding SOME way to cope and be happy again, which of course in the real world I’d think was possible. In the world of fiction, we didn’t have time for that, and to rush him to the Acceptance stage of grief would be completely unearned.

Seeing Emori all bloody and contorted and glassy-eyed on that table while Murphy falls apart was... so, so fucking awful in a way that’s going to haunt me for a long time. I made a gif set with ONE shot of her in it, and it was somehow the LEAST upsetting one and still like the worst thing I’ve ever put on my blog. It didn’t need to be as ugly and graphic as it was. It did not need to linger on her body that way. But I think *why* they made it like that, besides sadism and shock value, is so even the audience felt his need to undo it and not have that be our last memory of her either.

So yeah... on a gut level, on a story level, it was so satisfying IMO. The goddamn tear of relief and fulfillment falling down his face when he’s holding her again, and he never has to let her go for the rest of his short life. The way that every other Memori scene has led to this. I’ll love you forever, even if we die today. To the anon who asked if you’re a bad person for liking it? You’re a human person responding in the intended way to a love story!!

I like a whole lot of tropes in fictional romances that aren't great or admirable in reality. Is this particular form of attempted “suicide” -- where doing it LITERALLY allowed him to reach her in the mindspace and see the light in her eyes again and spend their last hours/days together in a happy place -- likely to spawn any copycat behavior or ideation? I doubt it, certainly not as much as other triggery crap they’ve done on this show. I'm willing to not worry too hard about whether Memori are Setting a Good Example for how people should react to a loved one's death, and instead be like "Hell yeah those two deserved to go out like Romeo & Juliet, and then be brought back to life just as a bonus anyway.”

It's not REALISM and should not be TREATED as realism, but it was a perfect end to an iconic TV romance where they never could live without each other. That’s where I stand on it right now.

#john murphy #emori #dailymemori #memori #the 100 #the 100 finale #the 100 s7 #meta

44 notes · View notes

tuggism · 4 years ago

Text

just a little note

So I haven’t been on this blog in a whileeeee and I'm not even sure anyone will see this. But I was a longtime fan of RT/AH during my literal formative years - completely obsessed for maybe 2012-2017. I loved all the shows and especially LOVED Achievement Hunter, as you can probably tell from the blog lol. I’ve slowly stopped watching videos, but I still have those “comfort” videos you know like the ones that you’ve seen so many times but you keep watching bc its like meeting an old friend again. now I dont know if I can anymore?

I just wanted to vent and its funny how the urge to vent brought me back into my childhood Tumblr lol. but I heard the news last night and I, like everyone, was COMPLETELY blindsided. I cant even begin to explain the flurry of emotions and thoughts I had inside. I loved Ryan. I truly loved them all. I’m so confused. I’m so sad that hes leaving but then I feel bad for feeling sad because of what he has done. I feel so bad for his family. this is such an ethically muddled situation

He cheated on his wife for years. This shit wasn’t just a single instance - it was over the course of like what? 2 years? Maybe if I was younger I would’ve thought of this differently. Maybe I would’ve been able to personally move on from this and still enjoyed him in past videos and maybe even preached to other people to forgive him. But I’m not my younger self. I’m 22, in a loving committed relationship, and there is only pain even at the thought of being cheated on. That is all there is. I cant imagine the pain? his wife might be going through. I saw the video Tess posted. I slowed it down, even read as much as I could. It was some inexplicable attempt at forcing myself to bear witness to what he had done, in order to finally take him down from the pedestal I didn’t even know I had supplied him with in my mind. It was disgusting. It had all the echoes and similarities with gross and cringe conversations you have over snap with boys you meet on tinder. He even mentioned his kids to her a few times. That really kicked the fucking bucket over. Why would you ever mention your kids by name to your mistress? What was he thinking? what fucking insane state of mind was he in??

He was always the wholesome, family man, married to his high school sweetheart, 2 young kids, HAPPY NUCLEAR FAMILY. Well that online persona did not age well. There are so many issues with this situation. The fan/celebrity dynamic that’s beyond fucked up... I’ve never experienced anything of that magnitude but I remember a few years ago when a guy that was considered “a name” started talking to me. And I ignored all the red flags because even the small rush of adrenaline was so good. A few years ago I was at a university event and was constantly hit on by this guy who was more popular, slightly older, and it felt good. We didn’t do much but when I found out a few days later that he had a girlfriend for the last 3 years, the guilt was immeasurable. But I'm not going to lie. Even after the fact, there was still this TINY, SMALL, like 2% of me, that .. wanted even just a little bit more of that attention. So when Tess says that she did things she normally wouldn’t do because of the attention from her LITERAL idol, I believe her. I believe it. As crazy as it sounds, thats the thing that could've made all thought of Ryan’s family not enter the decision making process.

It is selfish of me, but I cant help but feel so sad for AH. These people worked with him, were friends with him for the better part of a decade. I dont think you could deny his part in AH’s popularity. To me, he was so integral. I thought AH and I thought Ryan Haywood. So many iconic moments that I think of with the HIGHEST childhood nostalgia, involved Ryan. All that is tainted now. Completely tainted. everything feels wrong, everything feels off-colour. I basically grew up with AH and this man. I grew up with them. AH was literally my safe space when serious trauma happened in 2017-2018. I’d put on my old favourite videos and play them so that I could fall asleep easier. That’s how much I loved them.

I dont know what im saying. I just needed to say something and get it off my chest so that I can move on. I dont know what my personal relationship with RT/AH will look like now. I’ll be lingering to watch how they deal with this situation, but honestly I’d become a very very casual fan anyway by this point. But its more the detriment to my memories of AH that have caused me great sadness. ITs just all sadness. All sadness.

I agree that people can make mistakes. Cheating just happens to be a VERY BIG mistake. I’ve personally known people who have cheated on their partner. They’re not the most vile, unforgivable people. They just made a mistake. And they have changed. I hope Ryan can get the help he needs. Most of all I hope his family can forgive him. If his family is broken over this he will literally spend the rest of his life atoning for it. Nothing else - nothing about losing his job or fans or public reputation being ruined - will compare with the loss of his family. Dont get me wrong - my opinion on Ryan has drastically changed in the last 24 hours. But I want to be emotionally distant. I want to move on with my life.

This was so long and so incoherent. I just rambled on and on. I dont expect anyone to have read this lol but just know that if you’re confused and conflicted, you’re not alone.

#ryan haywood

10 notes · View notes

docholligay · 5 years ago

Text

These are messy, disorganized, and ANGRY thoughts for Holocaust Remembrance Day (Israel) .I don’t get sad about this, I get fucking angry. If there’s anyone I could insult, or blame, that would hurt your feefees, I highly, highly recommend you not click on this. I am not responsible for how you feel. Got it?

Given the preamble I feel I shouldn’t have to say this, but do NOT reblog this, I’m not having this conversation with some 21 year old with an anime icon who’s never met me.

There’s a cloud over every Jewish head, and it’s always the goddamn crematorium.

Today is Holocaust Rememberance Day. I light a yahrzeit candle every year, and I say Kaddish, every year, and I always do it alone, because I think if God wanted me to have minyan to say it with he shouldn’t have let so many of us die.

One third of the Jewish population on earth was murdered. Think of three Jews you know, if you even know of three of us, and imagine that one of us, gone. Imagine your friend’s Jewish family of six, and imagine knowing that soon it will be four. Imagine.

It was worse in some places. In Poland, it was ninety percent of us. A family of ten, with one left, that was the story of the Polish Jews, told over and over again.

But get over it. It’s fine that we’re talking about the collective trauma of an indiscriminate virus, of the idea of losing ten percent of us, but losing one third of your people is something that you shouldn’t be pulling out anymore. Never mind that we were directly targeted, never mind that this was not the first time and will not be the last that the call to arms is against us specifically. Jews just love to complain. The trauma should be long past.

And I think the numbers were inflated anyway, and other people were killed too, it wasn’t just the Jews. Never mind that the numbers probably are inaccurate as some of us were mowed down into ditches in Poland by the side of the road, and who knows how many there were, never mind that in Russia they lacked equipment and hired farmers to drown us by hand, and they happily took the money. Never mind that I sat in a second grade classroom as we passively discussed how people wanted to murder me, and how my teacher reduced it to a few hours where kids with brown eyes weren’t allowed to use the water fountain. Never mind that they burned us, against our laws.

“Jews never stop bringing up the Holocaust�� but my great grandmother only ever said of Ukraine, “There is nothing left.” I knew she meant no one, but that to say that was too hard. Better to think of the buildings, of the oxen.

People love dead Jews. Dead Jews can be exactly the pawn you need them to be, proof of whatever it is that you’re saying is right, and it was the way the other guy thinks that killed the Jews. It’s so easy to make someone the big bad, to remember Jews as weak and simpering mice who simply went to their deaths. That’s how people like us, weak, and dead, a cliff note in history. Something to be used.

They accuse us of relying on the Holocaust, but I’ve spent my whole life watching goyim trot it out whenever they fucking feel like being dramatic. Poor Anne Frank is never going to know rest, the spectre of a child who never got to discover who she was and so is the most convenient Jew of all. Her father was criticized for stripping out parts of her diary that contained sexual thoughts, but he knew what I know, that to make Jews worth protecting, we must be stripped of inconvenience, or complication, or difficulty. As long as we keep burning, there will always be something to keep them warm. So long as we can be refined to the pile of ash they can mix with any material they wish to build their argument.

Live Jews are inconvenient. They are a messy and complicated and difficult people. They can still fuck up. They can, and will, disagree with you, with each other, and they won’t be quiet about it. Sometimes, we’re unkind to each other! I more than once have accused another Jew of being judenpolitzei, of siding with those who would let us be destroyed for their own ends. On both side of the aisle. We don’t behave. Supporting us doesn’t give you enough points.

I can hear the crackling, the burning. It’s been in my chest since I was a child,

I’m so angry, all the time. Anger has been my bondage for years and years, and I try to remind myself that anger can itself be a form of idol worship, and that anger can cause us to become something we don’t want to be.

Besides, Jews aren’t allowed to be angry. We’re supposed to be quiet and agreeable and patient, and nod along with however the right or the left wants us to be. We have to have the right opinion on Israel, on the mining of our culture, on Anne Frank, on the Holocaust and its causes, on what is Anti-Semitic, and these are the same for the right or the left. All these topics, a goy will tell you how you should think, and Jews that agree with them are the good Jews to protect, and Jews that disagree with them are the bad Jews. I am fucking tired of only deserving protection when I’m agreeing with someone.

I remember a few years ago, Giles Coren, a Jewish English food writer of Polish extraction, getting into trouble for saying, essentially, “fuck the Poles’. Essentially but also, literally. I remember reading that, and how immediately I thought that he had told one of our secrets, and it was terrifying and gratifying all at once. I’ve been in Jewish groups more than once where someone quietly admitted “I don’t care what happens to Poland,” the names of every family member they would never know unsaid. I remember feeling pride at how hard Coren went, how he got nasty, how he was angry, how he brought up that the Holocaust was so successful in Poland because Poland already hated Jews. It my first time ever seeing that bitterness, that desire to hit back, to be filled with that flame. Not making it a quiet secret. I went and found the direct quote from the whole thing that stuck with me forever, because I knew it was true, and I knew it was what would happen when the whole thing started. "I wrote in passing that the Poles remain in denial about their responsibility for the Holocaust. How gratifying, then, to see so many letters in The Times in the subsequent days from Poles denying their responsibility for the Holocaust." He was so angry. People hated him for it.

I remember being afraid, too. Shut up, Giles. This is going to come back to bite us in the ass. We aren’t allowed to do this. We aren’t allowed to hate the people that murdered us, even though some of them are still alive, even though Poland murdered the survivors who came back. We aren’t allowed to be angry about it. We have to be good Jews. We have to say we forgive them, oh how they fetishize survivors who say they forgive. Please, don’t tell them about that burn inside of us, like whiskey in your chest. Don’t tell them my great grandmother watched Russia’s horrors unfold with a smile on her lips. Don’t tell them she said they got what they deserved. We aren’t allowed.

Don’t get angry about America sending a ship full of refugees back in 1939, don’t get mad about Ireland only letting in refugees who agreed to convert, calm your fury about Jewish children being taken into Catholic homes, never to be returned to Jewish communities. The British government stopping a trade that would have saved a million Jewish lives. Of course it’s tragic. But there’s no need to be angry. There’s no need to yell. There’s not need to shame anyone over their culpability.

We have to cry about what happened to us. We are not allowed to rage about it.

Besides, if it’s everyone against you, you cannot be mad at the whole goddamn world, Holligay.

There’s a part of Indecent, a play tumblr and facebook reduced to “lesbians!!” while completely missing the point of what it was about, about Jewish identity and struggle, the search of legitimacy and the role of stories. Sholem, the writer, goes into a deep depression, and is sitting in a doctor’s office, while all of them are acting like this is so clinical, and he snaps. How can he not be like this, in a world where to be a Jew is to be like this? I felt that same flush, that acknowledgment of fury, of the world never getting it.

Even writing this, I feel I’m letting some secret out. They’ll hate us if they know. They’ll hurt us if they know. Smiling Anne Frank, who believes people are truly good, that’s what we have to be. Shut up, Doc. This is going to come back to bite us in the ass.

I light the yahrzeit candle and realize there’s no match in my hand, that somehow it has been kindled from my own anger, from my own white-hot hate. It burns me, too, and the pain of it pricks my eyes with tears. I do not often generalize, about Jews. This is because I actually know them, and we evade an easy box to be put in. We are an asterisk of a people. But I guarantee damn near every Jew you know has this burn inside them, that they might not even themselves understand. Maybe it’s quieter in Jews who got out early, whose families don’t carry the burden of knowing there’s a burnt patch of earth where your family stops. But I don’t think so.

I think we all know it could happen to us, at any time. And every goy who thinks they are so brave would do nothing in the face of true danger. They would turn you in without a second thought, because that’s what their families did.

I guarantee some of y’all reading this have your back up right now. Why is she so angry at people who could not have themselves done it? Isn’t she just as bad? Shouldn’t she just let it go?

Exodus tells us that children and their children will be punished, to the third and fourth generation, and if all God can scrape up is my anger as a punishment,

My rage is inconvenient to me, too. I tell myself things of all the Jewish philosophers I’ve read, about how we must love mercy, about how the world is desperate need of our loving attention, about how rejoicing in someone’s pain and failure is to spit in the face of what God has made us for. I tell myself these things all the time. I want to find a place where I can hold the truth of this anger, and not let it burn those who hold the community shame of the past. I want to use this fire to warm, and not to burn.

But I will also be honest with you.

I do not want to hear a single solitary argument against my anger from any Non-Jew.

You set me on fire. Now you have to let me burn.

31 notes · View notes

riathenowheregirl · 6 years ago

Text

Gold Dust Women: My Favorite Witchy Singers

Okay, before you burn me alive with “Where’s this certain artist?!” or “Why is this certain artist not here?!” or “Who even uses Tumblr these days?”, uhmmm me bish?? It’s my safe zone. Okay, the last question was a joke.

Can I just say that the amazing women on this list are artists I listen to all the time. They’re my favorites, so chill (I’m open for suggestions tho). This is not Rolling Stone or Billboard magazine, it’s just ya girl’s good ol’ tumblr blog. Also, I’m not saying that all of them are literal w i t c h e s, it’s just that they portray the same aesthetic through their art and music.

Alright, now that’s settled, let’s start.

1. STEVIE NICKS

Do I even need to explain this? Stevie is undoubtedly the Etheral Queen of them all, the Pioneer, the O.G. Supreme whose lyrical soul and spellbinding voice echoes from the distant past to the inevitable future. Everything about her oozes with witchcraft and magic starting from her iconic top hat, to her millions of intricately made shawls, down to her platform boots. Only Stevie Nicks could pull off such Not-of-this-Era outfits and she has been doing it CONSISTENTLY. She’s in a timeline of her OWN. If you listen to her music, you would notice that every song of hers is poetry, like she’s telling a story or conjuring the unknown. She’s every witchy woman’s icon and that’s a fact.

Stevie is an untouchable yet gracious legend, we’ll always be a part of her sisterhood until the day of earth’s decay. Forever the Queen of Rock N’ Roll.

Current Favorite Stevie Lyrics: “ You can fly swinging from your trapeze, scaring all the people...but you'll never scare me.” | “Once in a million years a lady like her rises. Oh no, Rhiannon, you cry, but she's gone and your life knows no answer.”

Notice how I used the word “current”? Because it always changes depending on the state my life. Here’s a more detailed post on why I love her.

2. KATE BUSH

“Heathcliff, it's me, I'm Cathy, I've come home, I'm so cold! Let me in through your window!”

The eccentric beauty, Kate Bush made a genius, artistic move by writing a song about the book, Wuthering Heights, written by Emily Brontë in the 1800′s. Mind you, she was only 18 when she wrote and was the first song written by a female artist that landed on top the charts. Her voice is almost as distinctive as Stevie Nicks. While Stevie’s more nasal, commanding, wailing rock n’ roll goddess, Kate’s voice was high-pitched, alarming, ghostly, queer, and fairy-like. Everything about her is Performance Art. This is a woman who is not afraid to express herself.

For starters, you might think her music is strange and weird. Trust me, I felt the same way when I first heard her songs. But then, it began to grow on me leaving floral patterns on its path.

Favorite Kate Bush Lyrics: “Do you want to feel how it feels? Do you want to know that it doesn't hurt me? Do you want to hear about the deal that I'm making? You, it's you and me.”

3. FLORENCE WELCH

This one is as obvious as Stevie Nicks. Florence Welch from the band, Florence + the Machine, is a poetess, a screaming banshee, and a full-pledged Sister of the Moon. She even started a witch coven during middle school. From her red carpet looks to her everyday outfits on Instagram, Florence vibrates powerful witch energy. Not to mention she has a song called “Which Witch” and that haunting music video for Big God with levitating women. Flo is not a woman to trifle with, I’ll tell you that.

Photos courtesy of @lillieeiger

In all her songs, Florence will bind you with magic and it’ll leave you breathless. If Stevie’s songs are poetry, hers are spells you could sing out loud. Also, if you haven’t seen her house tour, go check it now!

Favorite Florence Welch Lyrics: “'Cause I am done with my graceless heart so tonight I'm gonna cut it out and then restart.” | “And in a moment of joy and fury I threw myself in the balcony like my grandmother so many years before me.”

4. LANA DEL REY

Remember when Lana used witchcraft to hex Donald Trump? It was all over the news and Twitter went wild. She was later quoted saying, “I really do believe that words are one of the last forms of magic and I’m a bit of a mystic at heart.” Oh, and she also did a collab with Stevie.

We. Stan. Forever.

There was even a time that I MEMORIZED the monologue in the music video for Ride. ALL OF IT, HUNNY.

Lana’s hypnotizing vocals together with her sixties baby doll dresses and Priscilla Presley hair is enough to convince me that she’s not of this era. She has a deep understanding of the beauty of past generation and the looming sadness and nostalgia that comes with it. Whenever I listen to her music, I imagine myself as a rockstar’s muse who is involved with the mafia but then I decided to leave him while taking his gun and convertible. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Favorite Lana Del Rey Lyrics: “Well, my boyfriend's in the band. He plays guitar while I sing Lou Reed. I've got feathers in my hair, I get down to Beat poetry. And my jazz collection's rare, I can play most anything.”

5. LORDE

David Bowie didn’t call her the “future of music” for nothing. Just two albums under her belt, Lorde already proved that she will one day become a legend herself. Her music narrates an unparalleled interpretation of the anguish and fleeting charm of our youth. She knows what we’re feeling because she’s been there herself and is on the road to healing just like us.

I think the message she’s trying to say is that we’re constantly losing grip on our innocence, and that life is often wicked so we need to accept that, grit our teeth, get on with it, and make art. She can also see color when she hears music.

In my opinion, Lorde is one of the greatest artists of my generation.

Favorite Lorde Lyrics: “The truth is I am a toy that people enjoy till all of the tricks don't work anymore, and then they are bored of me.” | “That slow burn wait while it gets dark, bruising the sun, I feel grown up with you in your car. I know it's dumb.”

6. FKA TWIGS

Honestly, FKA Twigs is literally art in living form, a celestial angel that nobody can easily decipher. This woman has more talent in her fingertips than I could ever have in a lifetime. She somehow reminds me of a young Kate Bush; fearless, experimental, with an intoxicating voice. She never stops reinventing herself and it’s beautiful.

In FKA Twigs’ world, there are no limits, just endless galaxies. She pours her whole being in all of her songs and it shows. She’s not for the faint of heart, let me tell you that.

Favorite FKA Twigs Lyrics: “And I don't want to have to share our love. I try but I get overwhelmed. All wrapped in cellophane, the feelings that we had.”

7. SKOTT

I say this all the time, but I cannot write without Skott’s music blasting on my earphones. She grew up in a “forest commune run by outcast folk musicians” and was not exposed to contemporary music until her teen years. You would notice it in her songs.

It’s hard to explain why, but listen to Skott’s music when there’s thunder and rain outside, then you’ll know why this woman is witchy. I kind of want her to be more popular and known, but then again, I also want to keep her to myself. Scratch that, LISTEN TO SKOTT’S MUSIC NOW.

Start with Glitter & Gloss.

Favorite Skott Lyrics: “Like an empty canvas, hear me cry. Like a masterpiece, I'm in your eyes. Now your colors are in front of me, we're a picture-perfect oddity.”

8. FIRST AID KIT

I fell in love with this sister duo when I first heard their song, Emmylou, while browsing YouTube. It’s one of those moments of instant magic. Klara and Johanna Söderberg are a coven of their own. I would describe their music as “Woodland Folk laced with runes and wild flowers”.

Their voices compliment each other so much that it reminded me of Simon & Garfunkel (they even performed their own version of America in front of Paul Simon!!!). First Aid Kit has this Woodstock seventies vibe, and you know me, I live for that sh*t.

Favorite First Aid Kit Lyrics: “ When I run through the deep dark forest long, after this begun, where the sun would set, the trees were dead and the rivers were none. And I hope for a trace to lead me back home from this place, but there was no sound there was only me, and my disgrace.”

9. ZOLA JESUS

Zola Jesus’ music deserves to be played with an orchestra inside an abandoned castle in Transylvania while it gently rains and you’re wearing a white nightgown as you roam its empty halls. Is that too much?

Not at all.

Like Skott, I listen to Zola whenever I’m having writer’s block. If I ever finish my book, I’m gonna have to thank them.

Favorite Zola Jesus Lyrics: “I'm on my bed, my bed of stones, but in the end of the night we'll rest our bones, so don't you worry. Just rest your head cause in the end of the night we'll be together again.”

10. ZELLA DAY

Photo Credits to Harper Smith

I LOVE ZELLA DAY’S MUSIC OH MY GOODNESS. My favorite songs of her are Sweet Ophelia, Hypnotic, Man on the Moon, and Hunnie Pie. ESPECIALLY HUNNIE PIE. I cry whenever I hear that song. It’s just so pure, calming, and beautiful.

Her music belong in the psychedelic era.

People labeled her as the “happier version of Lana Del Rey” but I think she’s in a league of her own. She deserves more recognition, honestly!

Favorite Zella Day Lyrics: “The older we get there's an ocean of people in places we've chosen and you know how mama keeps saying “we've gotta stop the games we're playing””.

Hope you guys approve of my list! I really like sharing stuff that I love! Feel free to message me for more suggestions, I’d really appreciate to know more witchy artists out there. We’re all in a huge coven of sisterhood.

Thanks for reading!

Love,

Ria 🌙

P.S.

Please follow my blog!!! THANK YOU 🔮

331 notes · View notes

astrogone · 5 years ago

Text

❝ @ mutuals, send me a 🍓 and I’ll compliment you! ❞ / pt. 2

🍓 @sinisteraugurey: Maya, you are?!?! Brilliant!?!?!? Beyond than that!?!? You are truly one of the most kindest and funniest people I’ve EVER met. You are always shining on my dash and I always take the light from you as a gift sent from the Heaven! Every time I see you on my dash, I just go “!!! It Maya !!!” and get so giddy... It’s very chaotic but very soft of me because! Honestly!? You’re an extremely easy person to interact with, and really, with my anxiety, it says a lot and I do want you to know that your kindness will always cherished and taken with full gratitude and appreciation. It still warms my heart deeply remembering you welcoming me with open arms and I could imagine you would have a big smile on your face typing these texts while I was reading them. You are definitely one of the reasons why I decided to stick around the rpc for the long term and I can never thank you enough for that. With Delphi, my goodness, I already said this to you, but truly, you are the best roleplayer of her. Even though I don’t know the play she’s from, you have so so soo much passion for her, so I just know from the bottom of your heart, this Delphi of yours would be beyond than what the play had written of her. I highly adore learning and reading everything about her. You and your Delphi are the blessings to my heart and soul. <3

🍓 @theseancekid: Ash, oh my goodness, I am in absolute love with you and your blog!? We haven’t even interacted oocly just yet, but the moment we do, you fucking BET that we will instantly rule the world together ( this is a way to tell you to come to my IMs because I did say I would come to you but!? I have so much in my pan af hands bUTT DON’T LET THAT STOP YOU!!! )!!!... You have such a lovely and chill personality from how I see your OOC posts and how you interact with others, and like, every time I see you on my dash, I get so happy and hope you’re doing okay. You are such a delight to be in my dash and I am beyond grateful to have stumbled across your blog. Everything about the blog is so SO good and I always look forward to seeing more from you from aesthetics to writings to graphics and so forth. With Klaus though, dude, I honestly don’t know how isn’t the team of U.mbrella A.cademy not hiring you, like, that’s illegal. The way you write Klaus in IC posts and metas and such?! Holy fuck!!! Always, do I see life in him, and that is a big talent to have. To look into a character and create so much more in them? It’s amazing. No matter what, from your deepest passion of him ( which is too relatable lmfao ), you will always make Klaus mean so much more than what the show / comics ( I had only seen the show, but ) would give. <3

🍓 @sinnedfirst: Moth, aaaa, what a beauty you and all of your muses are. Every single one of your muse is so full of your passion, as everyone holds the right equal amount of love from you and I find that so so amazing. I always adore the ideas that you would come up with and how you would transfer your emotions and thoughts into your writings. I will always find the joy in reading everything you share to us. Seeing you when you are at your most comfortable and happiest state makes me beyond joyful because you deserve all of the good things in the world. You are so sweet and fun to be with, and I always get so excited every time I get your message / reply. You have such a chaotic and wonderful soul that I adore dearly much and I can never get enough of you and your Aries energy. Despite my anxiety, I do hope to interact with you more in the future when you are such a delight to be around with. I may look like a softie at times, but please keep this in mind that I will literally fight someone with my 5′0″ dumbass for you. We are the iconic duo like Eve and Atlas are together and anyone who would think otherwise can come to me and my fists alone, <3

🍓 @ebonhalo: Oceana, we haven’t interacted much just yet, but!? Hi!?!? You and Drakoris!?!? The instant winners of my heart and soul!?!? There’s not much content of Drakoris, but literally just by what you wrote about him in your blog and his document, truly, I find him so fascinating and I want to learn so much more about him and the universe he came from. I absolutely love that you had Drakoris as someone who was once an “ordinary” being before a huge consequence occurred and made him become so much more as than the universe itself. I just find that kind of character so interesting to see how would the drastic change affect the individual themself and those who would be associated with them. How it would shape them and what would they do with all of this new and different powers and influences. Please, PLEASE, you are always more than welcome to scream to me about Drakoris and the universe you have beautifully crafted so far anytime anywhere! Everything about your blog is magnificent and I can not fucking wait to see more from you. Plus, you have a pretty chill vibe that I can go down with easily, so! Know that I am so so SO looking forward to interact with you and Drakoris more! <3

🍓 @saveveryone: Besa, if you think I wouldn’t have much more to say after what I said in the tags of your promo, uh, you are! So! Wrong! Honestly, you deserve all of the love and appreciation and care, even when you feel that you do not. Believe it or not though, I will believe that you do deserve every good things in the whole wide universe for you. The way you wish to spread nothing but kindness and love and softness on everyone’s dash. The way you take no bullshit from any assholes and stay resilient, no matter what. The way you pour so much light into your beautiful May. You are incredible, friend. In every little ways you give, you give me the softest reminder that despite how terrible this world can be, how much so with Tumblr, you never stop shining. I want to take this chance to say thank you so much for giving the time and effort and energy to bless our dashes because, yes, indeed you are magnificent to have around and I truly can not imagine having you on my dash, or, really, anyone’s dash. To lose you would be like looting the brightest star in the universe. Just as anyone should be, I am beyond grateful to have find your blog in a community so massive. I adore the way you spill so much of yourself in your creations with your May. This love, this care, they make May so real and so beautiful. I always get excited seeing content about her on my dash. I want to learn about and and see more of her because my gosh, how you hold her with so much passion is amazing. Never ever stop shining, friend, no mater what. Despite anything, this light that you are willing to give to this dark world will always be taken with nothing but appreciation and gratitude. <3

#( I am but a soft and sleepy bean )#( and being soft and sleepy at the same time just brings a deeper but more distorted side of me )#( so I hope any of this makes sense )#( but hi everyone I love you all so so so much )#( truly the blessings to the world and my dearest heart <3 )#( happy happy strawberryday to all! )#tbt.#sinisteraugurey #theseancekid #sinnedfirst #saveveryone

8 notes · View notes

abilitypossessed-m · 4 years ago

Text

What is it you prefer: angst, fluff, or smut? Why?

@starlightofdream asked: Mun’s Asks: RP Edition: 1,3, 6, 7, 9, 10, 11, 16, 21, 22, 23, 25, 26, 29 Mun’s Asks: RP Edition

Under read more for length-

1. What was your first impression of the roleplay community on Tumblr? And what’s your impression of it now?

New, strange even, but exciting. Before roleplaying on Tumblr, I was shofting through different groups on Fac.ebook (Ew, the days--). Back then it felt like roleplay wasn’t much of anything, but seeing all the blogs and work people put into them made me want to learn and expand on my characters more than pretty much ever before. Now, I’ll admit, the RPC on this hellsite feels toxic, and the site itself is broken and forever will be, but I’m not sure I’d want to be anywhere else.

3. Who was your first muse?

My first ever? Some random OC that I likely don’t have any info on at all because I was literally like, six at the time. The one I remember the most from back in my childhood years was Prin/cess Pe/ach, because me and a group of friends decided to muse Nin/tendo characters because. Sm/ash. My first on Tumblr was Mai Taniyama of Ghost Hunt and I refuse to look back on that hellblog. It wasn’t properly set up and honestly sucked. My first serious muse on Tumblr was Fisk, my UT OC. But let’s admit at the time that fandom was... Something... So I consider my first true muse to be Dianne, when I made a Poke/mon blog for her.

6. What are your thoughts on the current roleplay trends on here right now?

All the trends, so much trend. Too much trend. I honestly don’t keep track of that kind of thing, because I found out if I do, then I get overly fixated on it. I will say the overly small icons are annoying, though. I wanna see the character, not a bunch of pixels (Legit I’ve seen 25x25) of what might be their chin, if you use an icon.

7. What is the one trend you miss the most that’s no longer popular or seen as much as it was before?

Remember when people used to actually ask to interact with you? When you could follow, message, and get a thread going within a day because people weren’t afraid to talk to one another without drama or chaos happening? Yeah, those were the times--

9. How long have you been roleplaying?

For literally as long as I can remember. I started back in 2009-2010 on Fac.ebook, and I’d say 2014 on Tumblr.

10. Are there any fandom(s) you avoid roleplaying in?

Yes. Will I name any in public, haha, no, they’re still watching me.

11. What made you start wanting to roleplay?

A child’s imagination and literally nothing better to do.

16. What do you expect from others when they want to roleplay?

Not much anymore, nowdays. I used to be all about talking to my partners whenever I could, to make sure I’d never overstep or just gush about character interactions. But that rarely happens anymore, sadly.

21. What is it you prefer: angst, fluff, or smut? Why?

Is this a trick question? This feels like a trick question. Honestly, given everything, angst. I feel like it’s obvious. However, I enjoy all the mentioned topics when it comes to RP.

22. If you could recommend at least five blogs to your followers, who would they be?

Uuuummmmm- I haven’t really gotten much interaction on this blog, but if I had to recommend people, it’d be @diverse-hearts, @breathless-darkness, @somegremlin, @frozcnlight, and @starlightofdream. They’re the people I know the best so far, however, pretty much anyone I RP with, I’d recommend.

23. What’s the one thing you dislike about the roleplaying community on Tumblr?

The fact that they cause drama for little to no reason, make callouts for petty reasons instead of legit harms, and can’t seem to stand when people have a different opinion than them- Hi yes I’m a salty Kiwi forever.

25. Do you still keep in touch with your old roleplay partners?

I try to, I really do. When I do try, though, it’s mainly the other that loses touch, and I’m the one trying to keep in contact with no response.

26. Is there anything you can change about your skills as a roleplayer?

I would love to make better graphics, because that’s what it feels like it’s all based on. The better your graphics, the more appealing you look. As I cannot do that for the life of me, it’s completely understandable that I don’t get much activity.

29. Which fandom(s) do you wanna roleplay in/crossover with but you’re too afraid to approach?

Mostly the more complicated series that I fail to understand the terms for or has so much lore that it’s hard to sift through. Series like Yu-G.i-Oh, Per.sona, and so on.

#Leader of the cursed|OOC/Mun Ask Answered #starlightofdream

2 notes · View notes

mahvaladara · 5 years ago

Text

Shah Talks Psy - Eating disorders

My last post brought out the pro-ana side of tumblr.

Me:

Huh, what part of my post made anyone think I was pro-ana?

Like NO!

Okay, my peeps. I am a therapist. My job is to deal with eating disorders.

So long rant ahead.

Warning: This may offend you.

I am a therapist, and as part of my job I must deal with people with eating disorders. I, on a personal level, also suffer from eating disorders, namely a food addiction and emotional binge eating.

As someone with experience on this spectrum of the food/weight related psychological issues, can say, anyone who is pro-eating disorders is a danger to any vulnerable person struggling with them. Why? Because getting off an eating disorder requires a lot of work, a lot of self-control, and a lot of motivational work. Most people who suffer these issues have other underlying issues that make it even harder. In my personal case, both my depression, my anxiety and my autism make me want to eat, and when I start eating it requires a lot of motivation to stop. So, there is a lot of motivational and control work to be done with someone who suffers from an Eating Disorder.

For a matter of fact, Eating Disorders cause a lot of distress. Again, on my personal case, when I am craving, and I crave hard, I start having full blown anxiety attacks because I want to eat, while the rational side of my brain is going:

“Bitch! You just ate like five minutes ago a full meal. Wait three more hours!”

And I can tell you, those three hours are complete torture. Not because I am hungry, because I am not. I have the privilege of saying I haven’t felt hungry often in my whole my life. It is just my brain acting to food the same way a junky acts towards heroin.

The same happens in the opposite lane. Priving yourself of food also becomes adicting, especially when associated with the “reward” of loosing weight quickly. And these sensation, both of being satisfied momentarily by overeating, or by fasting and loosing weight, become addictive to our brains. It is breaking these addictions that we are working in the treatment Eating Disorders.

And, like with every “addiction”, it is something that can hit you like a train at any moment.

But now, I have two movements that disturb me. On the side of thinness and weight loss we have the pro-eating disorders (pro-ana and pro-bulimia) and the side of obesity and weight gain we have the “fat acceptance” group (let’s call it what it is: pro-obesity).

I am very worried and disturbed by both the pro-ana and the pro-obesity groups. As someone still struggling with their own eating disorder, I know how it is to feel vulnerable and like you’re getting nowhere or getting back where you started and how easy it is to follow these people preaching either “love your bones” or love “your curves”. Both messages aren’t that different, they are worshipping the same ideology of maintaining an easy but dangerous habit.

Most people think eating disorders are just bulimia and anorexia and maybe diabolia (excessive/unhealthy dieting). But for a matter of fact, eating disorders also incorporate compulsive eating, binge eating and emotional eating. People rarely ever think of eating disorders as those habits that can and do lead to obesity.

There is nothing romantic, or hip, or cool, or trendy about eating disorders. I have seen both spectrums of the scale. Both being too thin or being too fat (or ifinafat, since that’s a term now ). Holding morbidly obese women such as Tess Hollyday for example, as these “fit, fat and healthy” icons of health for the pro-obesity group is actually as damaging and dangerous as it was a couple of years ago holding boney anorexic women as icons “of slim beauty”. Both cases are very dangerous and unhealthy. Are these women beautiful? I find Tess Hollyday a very beautiful woman, and most models down the runaway are very beautiful. But are they healthy? No, I am actually concerned of them. These women look like they are going to die.

My knees, today, complain heavily, because of the weight they had to carry their whole life, the same way I believe if I had been the opposite, extremely thin, they’d still complain for the fact my muscles had nothing to work on.

So:

Eating disorders are terrible.

Eating disorders is crying because you ate a cookie.

Eating disorders is having crippling anxiety attacks because you need to binge.

Eating disorders is not trusting people when they speak about your weight. You can’t tell if the people around you are concerned about your weight, or trying to bully you (for being too fat), or trying to sabotage you (for being thin).

Eating disorders is walking down a street and feeling like you’ll die.

Eating disorders is nothing fitting you because it’s either too small or too big.

Eating disorders is not being able to enjoy food.

Eating disorders is feeling like a pig because you lost your self-control and ate everything.

Eating disorders is every doctor telling you to gain/loose weight or you’ll die and you know they’re right, but you don’t know what to do.

Eating disorders is being afraid to fall back into your disorder every day.

Eating disorders is being afraid of falling on the exact opposite extreme of it (become obese/anorexic).

Extremes are not healthy. There is not such thing as health at all sizes. There is “worth at all sizes”. You are worthy, regardless of your weight.

But that doesn’t mean you’re healthy, and usually, extremes, are not healthy. Being chronically obese or anorexic thin are two extremes that are life-threatening. And perpetuating this “positive” message that you’re healthy at all sizes is actually endangering people’s lives.

If you are too thin your doctor asks you to gain weight, you need to gain weight. Calory intake is a must.

If you’re too fat your doctor asks you to lose weight, you need to start a calory deficit.

Diets don’t work because most internet diets aren’t a long term solution. They’re the type of diets you do three months before your wedding so you can fit that 3k dollars dress.

Also, this behaviour of “fat acceptance” and “pro-ana” actually is damaging for those who are getting off their eating disorders, getting their treatment, getting to that healthy weight, healthy food and healthy exercise and these movements actually damage us. Imagine it as a pro-depression or a pro-suicide group to survivors of suicide or survivors of depression. Like, a person is having all this hard work getting their problem treated, almost at that healthy level, and then these dummasses show up saying “oh being depressed is the new trend” and “love your depression”. This is how pro-ana and pro-obesity sounds (Dear Lord I know there is a pro-depression group, but I’m not opening that can of worms just yet).

The only solution is a long term change in food choices, what you choose to eat and at what quantity. Fats and sugars for weight gain, proteins and fibers for weight loss and when you finally reach that healthy weight, you need to find a middle ground, a balance. Proteins must be half of your dish, one quarter vegetables, the other fibers. Your food must have fat also, healthy fats like olive oil or natural butter. Proteins is what your muscles need to work.

Exercise also helps in muscle gain and both weight loss and weight gain. When I started exercising I first lost weight and then gained weight. But my fat percentage went down while my muscle percentage went up.

Finally, yes, genetics and morphology also play a large role on HOW you loose/gain weight and how easily. But if you eat very small portions of food every single day, it’s not because you ate a pizza one day that you’re going to gain the weight you need. On the same level, if you eat a lot every day, like several full meals the whole day, it’s not because you ate one salad that you’re magically going to lose the weight.

Weight loss and weight gain require consistency. Consistency in quantity and consistency in quality.

And percentage of diseases that actually influence your weight are actually small. When I was obese, I went to like 50 different doctors to find the disiese that caused my weight gain. Guess which one was it. Non.

So again, as a therapist. Stop romanticizing anorexia and obesity. These two extremes kill people and no amount of “love your self at every weight” is going to save them.

You are worth the effort to get healthy. You are worth the effort.

I am not pro-eating disorders, I am not pro-ana, pro-bulimia, pro-diabolia, pro-binge eating, pro-food/diet/exercise addiction, pro-obesity. I AM NOT any of those.

But-

I am pro-treatment, I am pro-therapy, I am pro-health, I am pro-exercise, I am pro-selflove and I am pro-fit.

I believe all of you are worth the effort, so stop blaming society, stop blaming yourself, and give yourself the worth, the time and the effort.

Shah,

I’m done here.

#shah talks psi #shah talks psy #shah rants #eating disorders #anorexia #obesity #bulimia #binge eating #compulsive eating

5 notes · View notes

dukeofriven · 6 years ago

Text

From An Old Internet Veteran: Go, and Sin No More

I wish I could explain to young people how wild the internet was as it went from the ‘weird niche thing for lame nerds’ irrelevancy of the early 90s and the “Boy This World Wide Web Thing Sure Is Nifty”-style painful optimism that describes 97% of Western Culture between 1994 and 2002 to the ‘Mad Max But Statistically Less Australian” culture that was the internet from 2002 to around 2010. I come neither to praise this era of internet nor condemn it. I merely want understanding. I cannot polish a lumpen pile of rape jokes, Chuck Norris glorification, “ironic” racism, and numa numa fat shaming and say that it’s misunderstood comedic genius. Trash is still trash even if it wins a bunch of Emmys. But at the same time I cannot take you with me back to the 90s and get you to feel, on a visceral level, what it was like to live in a place where Bart Simpson was both promoted as a real and present danger to the moral upbringing of the world’s children and was named by Time magazine as one of the most influential icons of the 20th century. And because I cannot do that I cannot get you to understand how freeing it felt to be on the internet in that Mad Max era. Ten years before a yellow boy shouting “Don’t have a cow” while doing a pathetic kick-flip on a chunky skateboard was considered the potential downfall of humanity’s children, but now you could make something so risqué that the old-guard stuffed-shirt in 1994 would have died on the spot, his brain unable to consider anything so outside his moral world view. I cannot easily make you understand a time when nobody just said whatever it was they wanted, not just because they had no platform to do so but because the rigidity of social convention was so strong. Nobody ever had hardcore lesbian sex on Northern Exposure on prime time television. Nobody on the X-Files ever died by having their head smashed in a car door repeatedly like a melon until viscera spilled all over the pavement. You could not have made Game of Thrones or Steven Universe in 1995. Forget the graphics, forget the budget, you simply couldn’t do or say any of that on television for either kids or adults. The Mad Max internet changed that - changed the very firmament of what was acceptable in media for every genre and for every demographic. Is this a good thing? Not particularly. Is this a bad thing? Not particularly. If this sound frustratingly ambivalent that’s because it is: were we to go back and do it all again, knowing all that we know now, would we do it the same way? No. But then, we would not know all that we know now had we not learned it by making the attempt in the first place.

This poor comfort for someone who dives into some 2006 webcomic with a reputation of a Legacy Touchstone and finds it full of ‘jokes’ about their gender, or sexual preference, or the liberal use of the r-slur, or a kind of hyper-suburban comedic racial ignorance. I am not here to argue that that had any value merely because it was transgressive. But the same space that opened-up to let such ugly things out also opened-up places for marginalized groups to made themselves known, groups who never before had such public voices.

Imagine an apocalypse. Imagine society rebuilding in the ashes. Imagine how many false starts and missteps there would be and you begin to understand just a little of what that period was like. It was embarrassing. It was cruel. It was childish and stupid. But in living through it we grew up. Or, at least, those of us capable of growing up grew up, and learned, and learned to be better - learned what better was. And then we built new places where other people could learn too - and spread the gospel of being better. One of the things that always irritates me when it comes to young people talking about the past is the unexamined privilege of knowledge being at your fingertips. It’s more than just everyone carrying a wireless-internet connected computer in their pocket at all times. It’s more than just a Wikipedia with hundreds of millions of articles and a reputation for fact sourcing. It’s more than just a Google that works. If you never experienced it you cannot imagine what using WebCrawler was like in 1995 against Ask Jeeves in 2005 against Google in 2015 - or even Google between 2005 and 2015. Most people don’t go around thinking about SEO and search engine algorithms but maybe we should because anyone who wants to go “this info’s been on the internet since day one so people have no excuse not to know it” disingenuously argues that information search and retrieval has been consistent across the decades. There was a time - not all that long ago - when to look something up on-line involved getting the tacit agreement of everyone in your household to lose the use of the sole telephone for as long as you were web browsing. There was a time - not all that long ago - when ‘looking something up’ was to burden everyone around you with inconveniences, and while you were doing your web searches there was no guarantee what you wanted could be found with the primitive technology of the day. Do you know how much I’ve learned since joining Tumblr in 2011? On a fundamental level, both about myself and the make-up of our species in terms of social conception? I recently went through a bunch of old posts, removing those with broken links and meaningless content, but also shit that just embarrasses me now - mostly opinions from a period where I hadn’t yet had a chance to learn because the spaces in which to learn it did not yet exist. It’s not just things like communities for [demographic X] - it’s things like “communities for [demographic X] with an ability to broadcast their voices and have platforms able to network their ideas and audience halls able to receive them and a search engine to guide people to that community and a basic understanding that the community even exists in the first place.” And this does not even begin to touch on internet access, something that even now is not a universal thing, and for which getting angry about people’s ignorance reflects a bias all its own. I say all this because I think that a core tenant of cringe culture is a myth of universal access to knowledge and universal awareness of one’s own ignorance. I look back on old posts of things I said and I cringe with self-hatred - cringe enough to rip them down and stuff them in the trash. “HOW DID I THINK THAT?” and “HOW DID I NOT KNOW?” But why should I have known - what, in my life, would ever have put better ideas across my desk? That I can meaningfully speak now about privilege and intersectionality and historiography is because between then and now I was put in a place to learn these things. I was exposed to ideas that I had never before been exposed to, and was given the grace to learn. I am tired of the expectation that every aspect of our past selves should be held to the same standard as the present. (Yes, to all the disingenuous bad-faith trolls out there, I obviously and of course am advocating for complete and total uncritical pardon for everything in the past ever. Were you a neo-Nazi ten years ago? Water under the bridge without question because that’s obviously, obviously, obviously the sort of extreme outlier case I am talking about good on you for being clever enough to notice.) But for the non-dipshits out there who understand how to read without injecting insincere hyperbole into every argument, I want us to be kinder to our past selves when we have learned to be better. It’s okay that you used to like Sherlock - there were genuinely fun things about it, and it’s okay that you didn’t possess an expert grasp of post-graduate feminist critical theory when you were 21. Or 31. Or 41. More concepts of academia have filtered into mainstream consciousness than ever before - and in saying that we should remember the corollary that ten, twenty, thirty years ago that was not the case. We knew less, had access to less, and were exposed to narrower viewpoints than we are today. It is unfortunate - but it was not our fault, and we cannot easily blame ourselves for it any longer. Nothing makes my blood boil more than seeing people taking umbrage that... oh, Farmer Joe McSmithHead of Buttnut, Alabama in 1963 was ignorant of internal Chinese politics and said some untrue things about Chinese Communism. But the only thing Farmer Joe had to tell him of the outside world was a radio that played country music, a TV with four channels and strict content guidelines to only show pleasant, moral, and god-fearing content, and the three books in the Buttnut library, two of which were the Bible. There have, and will always be, certain moral lines so obvious that people of any era should always be held accountable to them. But above that, in the more trivial space of media consumption, absorption, and critique, we have to learn to be more forgiving - to ourselves and to others, so long as in the present we have changed. Did you use the r-slur a lot because it was practically a form of punctuation on 4chan and that’s where you learned the ways of the internet? Did you learn the harmfulness of this practice and cease to do it? Then I do not condemn thee - go, and sin no more. Did you and your friends used to make jokes about how Mexicans smelled because you saw Seinfeld do that in his standup and the whole TV laughed as though it was funny? Did you realize one day ‘wait a minute that’s actually super gross’ and stop repeating it? Then I do not condemn thee - go, and sin no more. Have you gone back to a beloved childhood property and found it’s full of woman-beating and weird views on homosexuality? Did you find yourself able to critique this beloved thing and did not defensively double-down on shielding it from all harsh words? Then I do not condemn thee - go, and sin no more. I will not allow us to dismiss the cruelty and hurt of Mad Max Internet Culture with a flippant ‘well that’s just how it was back then” but nor will I allow anyone to condemn us all as being consciously unfeeling, willfully ignorant, purposefully hateful. Some of us were. But some of us did not know, could not have known, needed to learn - and we were lucky enough to live in a time before cringe culture and cancel culture where we were allowed to have that opportunity to learn and grow. We need that today, for all young people who think themselves as woke as can be and ten years from now will look back and blush with shame for things they said and did in total ignorance. The sin is choosing to never change, not failing to change sooner.

#cringe culture #cancel culture #4chan #mad max #internet culture #the simpsons #bart simpson #r-slur #x-files #game of thrones #steven universe #Northern Exposure #chuck norris #jerry seinfeld #Alabama #communism #long post

114 notes · View notes

coup-de-maine · 6 years ago

Text

How to enter a fandom - RPC

Hey guys, time for a friendly PSA from yours truely~

So I’ve been in and out of a lot of fandoms, made friends, enemies, frenemies, grave mistakes and happy accidents. I also see a lot of people come in other fandoms. Most of yall do great but I see some people carry in this weird sort of self deprecating attitude that can immediately turn rpers away from them, which results in; more of that self deprecation. So Im here to hopefully help out with the best ways to enter a fandom or an rpc, make your presence known and make lots of wonderful friends.

Now the first, and most important thing, and I notice a ton of people struggle with it is:

General attitude.

Let me give two examples of some first time posts.

“Hey! I’m new to the fandom. I know my bio and my theme sucks but would anyone like to rp? Maybe?”

VS.

“Hey! I’m new to the fandom. My bio and rules are located here, though they’re still under construction I’m really eager to develop them with interactions!”

Now I know the first one is tempting for a lot of reasons. You might not even feel like its all that bad, but up next to the second one it actually sounds a little...depressing, monotone, dry. Even though they start the same, one ends with me feeling like: this person really doesn’t put effort into things, they dont even really want to be here. All my threads with them are going to be lazily written or probably written with half baked enthusiasm.

The second person is happy to be here, eager to interact, admits that since they’re a new blog not everything is perfect. Yet, they don’t talk down on themselves or make it seem like anyone who talks to them will only be taking pity on them.

This is actually a big problem I see in the rpc. Making people take pity on you for interactions and the rule with that is simple:

don’t make people feel like they have to take pity on you.

It’s a knee jerk reaction, I know. We’re all awkward humans on the internet who want to play up our faults. Who wants to say “My stuff is SO awesome! It’s the best”???

Well. You do. You’re new to a fandom. People already have established relationships, character arks, possibly with another version of the muse youre playing. Backstories so detailed it’ll make your head spin. You are literally selling yourself to these other rpers. Don’t sell them “A vacuum cleaner that sucks. No, not sucks up the dirt, it just sucks. Like me, Im trash and dont even have a working vacuum” No one wants to buy a vacuum cleaner that sucks.

Hate to break it to you, but when you say you suck, or your stuff sucks; people are gunna believe you. Or they’re just gunna pity you. And thats not great either.

Heck you might think; why not? So long as they rp with me, whats wrong with that?

Well... lots of things but mostly; pity isn’t a good feeling. Nobody wants to feel guilted into rping with you. Imagine seeing someone on your dash constantly posting about how no one likes them, their character or interacting with them. How they wanna die because they never get asks, no one likes their starters. (Sound extreme? I’ve seen it.) It makes you feel bad right? It makes you wanna like them but like- where do you even start??? They don’t even like them?? What common ground do you have?? “Hey, I see you hate yourself... uh... I hate you too?” Not great. Actually bad. You don’t know how to approach this person without becoming an emotional crutch, and you know they’ll latch on to you and suck every positive emotion out of your body so how do you win?

So lesson one is; People don’t want to be forced to feel so bad that they rp with you, they want to feel inspired to. Inspire some dudes! (or non-dude identifying people)

Presentation!

This is everything. Present yourself. You don’t need flashy icons or a cool promo- let me tell you, I’ve made some shitty promos in my life. See Here

That was my promo for a long as time. Until it was THIS that a friend made for me (A friend that I made. Through how awesome I presented myself. Thanks Vee, if you see this I still love you)

I can’t stress enough how important attitude is because I’ve had both a shitty attitude and a great one in the RPC and let me tell you, nothing kills a blog faster than a shitty attitude. Wanna make a self deprecating posts about that meme that you got 0 asks for? NUH UH. Think again. PITY = BAD, SHORT LASTING FRIENDSHIPS. INSPIRED = SUPER AWESOME HAPPY FUN TIMES FOREVER.

Yo, present yourself in a way that makes people wanna approach you. Get them interested, say something wacky or edgy or if your character is self deprecating then self deprecate through them but DO IT IN A FUN WAY. The people who care about icons and fancy promos usually aren’t worth lasting friendships either. Sometimes they literally spend more time formatting than writings something worth while for you. (some of you really balance it and just love formatting but u know im not talking about u Im talking about those that literally wont talk to us that dont)

So present yourself well and be genuine.

--- WAIT WAIT WAIT- be genuine?? What if my genuine self is self deprecating and negative?

[JOHNNY TEST NOISE]

HELL NO shut the what up I know you’re not, I know that’s a reflex to cover up how insecure you are, I know you hate how pathetic and small you feel so you point out all the things wrong with you before someone else can. That’s not you, and you are capable of more than that.

Dude. (and non-dude identifying peeps) I’m gunna say it again. I’m gunna say it a million times; one day it will sink in. Everybody feels that way.

What?? Octo ur so cool and confident tho

You know how you never noticed?? CANT SEE MY HANDS SHAKE THROUGH THE COMPUTER.

DONT KNOW HOW LONG I HESITATED BEFORE SENDING THAT ASK MEME TO YA.

The internet is a playground because you can trick people into believing whatever you want about yourself. YEP even good things!!! You don’t have to wear your flaws on your sleeve, and you certainly don’t have to wear them like a full body cast that prevents you from doing anything fun in your life.

Take the cast off, take a risk. You literally have nothing to lose. Especially if no one interacts with you as is anyways.

Be mindful

This is more of a trick I use to make myself feel better. I don’t follow a lot of people so my dash is pretty slow. It’s fairly easy to tell when people are and aren’t active/online so I literally have to trick myself sometimes but;

If you reblog a meme and get nothing, step back and ask yourself; am I sure anyone even saw it? and are the people who did maybe to shy to send anything? Or maybe nothing in that meme applies to their character.

As a mute character I am VERY restricted to what memes I reply to. As a character who speaks VERY LITTLE I am VERY restricted to what dialogues I can send at all. This means I’m required to edit memes a little (this is allowed by most meme creators btw) or I need a very good relationship with a character in order to say/sign that many words at them.

And worse case scenario, queue it and reblog it again/later. Its no biggie, some memes don’t make it.

Self reflect

Check out people on the dash. Do they have interactions? What are they like? Is their character more welcoming? Maybe you’re character is more intimidating. You might need to actually seek out interaction.

Tumblr has this huge enigma where everyone wants asks but no one wants to send them. Curious anons come from someone, magic anons come from your peers, followers, friends. Some of them are pretty obvious. Want asks? Send them. We really need to get the ball rolling with this because its honestly a problem. Show some initiative and reach out. It actually feels pretty good seeing someone react to your outrageous anon. And its a lot of stress relief if you play an otherwise very serious character to get to branch out and be silly.

So you send asks, you like starter calls- why isn’t it working?

Well, a stranger knocks on your door and tries to get to know you. Its a little awkward- it can work sure in some cases. But in most you’ll probably close the door and phone the police.

The RPC isn’t as strange as that but what’s easier? Talking to a muse you’ve never met from a blog you’ve never seen before? Or writing a thread with your best bud, throwing in inside jokes and references to your favourite shows- teasing each other about that one embarrassing thing that happened to your muse- yeah. Yeah you get it.

If you have history or at least an idea what someone is like, you will want to interact with them more. I don’t know if you’re some mean... meanie pants whos gunna smack my muse because he offered you a cookie. And maybe you are, but if I don’t know you, or know that your muse is deeply traumatized by cookies, I might take that as you saying “Ew no get away I never wanna rp with you”.

It sounds harsh, but I KNOW it happens. It STILL happens to me, even with people I’m friends with. Even if someone has multiple blogs and I get on fine with one muse, if the other hates me I might get uneasy about sending in asks cause I feel like I’m directly bothering the mun (who I love on this blog but WHAT IF THEY START HATING ME THERE TOO???)

Separation is tricky. We all get jealous or feel neglected when our partners focus on another thread/ship or send mean angsty replies which is why its important to check yourself remind yourself you have value, mun =/= muse and that it’s all in good fun.

Have Rules

UGH no!!! Not rules I hate rules, I dont want to restrict anyone!

Listen. I get it. I was a rule-less blog for a long time. But you know what? You need them. Not just for you, but for the people who wanna interact. I still feel the need to ask people who have rules what they are and aren’t comfortable with. You might not realize it but shit can go down in rps especially in certain fandoms. Even if its just the basics. Write them. They matter.

Unless you’re fine with someone literally controlling your character, or a blog you dont even follow who RPs David Letterman tags you in a smutty thread where your muse and him are married and he’s heavily pregnant with 4 narwal baby’s I- I think you can see where I’m going.

If its just the basics, thats fine, everyone loves seeing that. No god modding, not forced shipping, ect- great. Less for me to remember. Add to it if you need to. Everyone experiences rp different. Make your experience a comfortable one.

(And stay tf away from me Preggo-letterman)

Step away.

If you’re feeling negative, just step away. Do not make a big post about it alerting everyone who follows you because they might not all respond well. If you have close friends in then fandom you can go to, talk to them, vent a little, or just remove yourself and get those feelings out. But remember that no one here is equipped to be your therapist, and we cant all be expected to take the burden from you. It is up to you to regulate your emotions. Use coping skills but please don’t make the fandom or your blog a toxic place to be.

You don’t feel good, and no one reading your posts feels good, and building friendships on not feeling good is just... completely not good.

Im not saying you must be sunshine and rainbows all the time, but feeling bad feels bad and even though rping is just a hobby and a past time you are still reaching into other peoples lives. Leave a good impact, try to be someone you would want to meet in the rpc. Make it a better place.

Tips and Tricks

If you leave with nothing else, please take these:

Send Messages.

IM people, send them asks, get to know them before RPing.

Be kind.

Be generous.

Be enthusiastic.

Be happy.

#PSA!!!#Im so so so SO sorry its so long #I tried really hard to make it entertaining #anyways I just get a lot of people asking me how to enter the RPC and...#I wish I had heard this shit when I started lmao #rp #tumblr rp #roleplay

8 notes · View notes