#is just really interesting to me. how he gives people chances where others wouldn't. bcs im sure any other canary captain wouldn't

[nnayomaise]

i think the thing that really gets me about all the "we've got to kill this guy kabru" meme redraws with mithrun is that in the very first conversation mithrun has with laios, he trusts him with, essentially the fate of the world and his life long revenge quest against the demon

[cyren-myadd]

Feel free to completely ignore this ask if you want, but you're one of the best ppl posting and still talking about Spider, so I REAllY wanted to hear your opinion on this. Anyway, in your opinion, how would Spider have turned out had be been raised "human"? As in, by the McCoskers or some other human scientist as primary caretaker? Like let's just say the McCoskers or some other scientist aren't total failures in terms of taking care of Spider. And instead of letting him just run around and go neglected they actually take him in and raise him like a normal human kid would be raised (or as close as they could get to "normal" on Pandora)? I imagine he'd probably be a loss less connected to the Na'vi and Ewya, since his caretakers obviously wouldn't be too happy with a human kid running around on a planet where pretty much everything could potentially kill him. Would he even be called "Spider" or use his human name? And how would he react to the RDA and Quaritch coming back? On one hand the scientists aren't the biggest fans of them, so he could still be apprehensive to them. On the other hand many of them still defected when they had the chance (if we go by the comics), so you'd think it reasonable that a Spider who was raised by them would hold some sympathy for the RDA? Idk, human!Spider is just a weird thought that won't leave me.

you're one of the best ppl posting and still talking about Spider,

Awww you're making me blush! I'm glad people are interested in what I have to say!

That's a really interesting question! Let me give you my thoughts on what Spider would be like if he were raised by loving parents (warning, this basically devolves into an outline for a fanfic by the end lol):

first off, he's losing the dreads. I'm not gonna say anything about whether or not white people should have dreadlocks, bc I'm not qualified to touch that subject with a 10 foot pole, but regardless of the race thing, it is painfully obvious that Spider's hair is neglected. Just look at it compared to Jake's dreadlocks. Spider's are all different lengths/thicknesses, they're grown out at the roots, and there's little wisps of loose hair sticking out everywhere. They're really poorly maintained, and no decent parent is gonna let their kid walk around looking like they've never seen a hairbrush. Even though Spider isn't as close with the Na'vi in the AU, he will still be heavily inspired by them, so his hair will be something Like Kiri's except curly and blond of course: shoulder length, decorated with little braids and beads, and messy but still healthy and cared for.

He also wouldn't paint himself blue anymore. If he ever got that idea into his head, his foster parents would immediately shut it down and tell him he's perfect just the way he is, it doesn't matter that he's human. Also, he wouldn't wear a loincloth, but he would probably still show a lot of skin, like cut off shorts and tank top or going shirtless a lot. Kind of like how Norm's avatar dresses. He also still has Omaticaya jewelry gifted to him by his friends.

And speaking of his friends, Spider is still good friends with the Sully kids, he's just not as close, and he doesn't have the weird "stray pet" vibe anymore. Spider hangs out with Kiri and Lo'ak, but only in the afternoons after spending most of the day doing chores and upkeep tasks around Hell's Gate and socializing with the other humans. Neytiri is also much more civil to him in this AU since she doesn't feel like Spider is intruding into her family as much.

I also think Spider's personality would be pretty much the same. He's still the same outgoing, mischievous kid, but some of his interests are different. He still speaks fluent Na'vi and knows how to use a bow and survive in the woods, but he's now more tech savvy from helping his parents keep Hell's Gate running and he also has an interest in gunships. His mother was a pilot, so I imagine human!Spider to want to follow in her footsteps. The humans have a few working gunships as seen in THG and ATWOW, and Spider's greatest dream is to fly one. When he's old enough his foster parents agree to let Ming, a resistance pilot, teach him how to fly and Spider is immediately in love with it. This is way better than playing passenger princess on Kiri's banshee! He even sneaks Kiri and Lo'ak out for joyrides, but none of their parents are thrilled when they get caught ha ha.

As for his name, he still goes by Spider. He got the nickname because he liked climbing when he was little, and that won't change because he has parents now. Plus, the scientists and other humans have reasons to avoid Quaritch's name too, so Spider it is.

Now onto the interesting part: what happens when the RDA comes back?

First off this is going to depend on if Spider's parents choose to defect back to the RDA like the McCoskers or if they choose to stay and fight like Norm and Max.

If Spider's family chose to stay, then the story stay more or less stays the same: Spider goes to goof off with his friends in the forest, gets kidnapped and interrogated, Q steps in and uses him as a translator/guide since he is still knowledgeable about the Na'vi way, and Spider is ultimately rescued by Lo'ak and Neteyam. The only difference is that Spider's parents will be extremely upset and maybe make a few unsuccessful attempts to get him back. I even still think Spider would choose to save Quaritch. He wouldn't have bonded with Q as much since he has a healthy parental relationship to compare him to, but he still might feel obligated to save him since Q saved his ass twice. And then Spider would go back to his foster parents at high camp instead of presumably sticking with the Sullies in Awa'atlu.

BUT ON THE OTHER HAND, what happens if Spider's foster family chose to defect?

This idea gets a little bit more interesting methinks

Cause even if Spider's parents are much nicer than the McCoskers, I could still see why they might choose to defect, especially if they had or adopted other children. TBH before McCosker betrayed Jake, I understood where he was coming from about defecting to the RDA, it's really hard for humans to survive out there, nevermind when there's a war going on and you have younger kids to worry about. So I could totally see Spider's parents choosing to defect for the sake of their family, even if they cared for the Na'vi.

Spider would still be very upset. He's friends with the Na'vi and Norm and Max and all the other loyalist scientists. He doesn't want to be forced to join the organization that's trying to kill them all! But he can't bear to leave his parents, so he eventually gives a teary goodbye to Kiri and Lo'ak and surrenders to the RDA with the other humans.

He gets... a surprisingly warm welcome. He's the son of the "great war hero" Miles Quaritch. Have you ever watched The Boys? You know how when Homelander brings his son, Ryan, to Vought their reaction is to use him for propaganda? Selfridge and co try to do that with Spider. They try to get him to play the part of a brave little boy who survived years of captivity with na'vi terrorists before escaping back to civilization, and the only reason he survived is because the memory of his dear old dad kept him going 🥺🥺🥺. Spider is having none of it of course and speaks very openly about his care for the Na'vi. Spider's foster parents pull him aside and warn him not to speak like that and Spider grudgingly agrees to keep his opinions to himself. All the former defectors are surveilled closely for any sign of being spies.

Spider is absolutely miserable living in bridgehead away from the forest and not knowing if his friends are okay, but bridgehead presents him with a new opportunity: his dream of becoming a pilot is actually possible now. Spider is basically a nepotism baby and takes advantage of it to get into the RDA's pilot program. Yeah, he's young, but they're lightyears away from earth and its pesky child labor laws so who cares.

Older teens can survive cryosleep and some RDA employees bring their children to Bridgehead to participate in training programs like what Spider's doing, so for the first time in his life Spider makes human friends his own age. He learns about the dire state of earth from them, and starts to feel more sympathetic to the humans stuck there. He wonders if there's a way to build sustainable human colonies in the uninhabited areas of Pandora and make peace between humans and na'vi. Spider dreams of climbing the ranks of the RDA and changing the direction of the company towards a future that benefits everyone...

Then a big fat blue wrench gets thrown in his plans: the clone of Miles Quaritch wakes up.

Nobody told Spider a clone with his dads memories is walking around and Quaritch never thinks to ask about what happened to his son, so the two go a week or two without knowing about the other, until they happen to run into each other on the flight line when the recoms go out on their first test run. Spider instantly picks Quaritch out of the group of recoms and realizes who he is. He's horrified, remembering all the stories Jake told him. Quaritch notices a baby-faced pilot staring at him out of the corner of his eye, but thinks nothing of it, assuming the guy is new to Pandora and shocked to see recombinants. Spider wants nothing to do with this Quaritch, so he tries to slink away without Quaritch noticing. Unfortunately, one of Spider's coworkers calls out to him "hey Socorro!" for something. Quaritch hears the name, recognizes it, and does a double take. He takes a closer look at Spider and notices a resemblance to Paz Socorro. Spider is glaring daggers at him, but Quaritch keeps studying and finally notices the name on Spider's uniform, confirming Quaritch's suspicion.

Quaritch awkwardly tries to approach Spider, but Spider is having none of it and runs off.

There's no time to chase spider down, so Quaritch goes on his mission. They encounter the Sully kids, but the kids successfully escape and no one is left behind. Quaritch returns to bridgehead frustrated but excited at the prospect of Jake having four huge weak spots to target. Unbeknownst to them, this prompts Jake and his family to flee to Awa'atlu.

After the mission, Quaritch later tracks down Spider's foster parents to their apartment (or whatever people in Bridgehead live in?) and speaks with the family. While talking to them, Quaritch realizes Spider's parents really care about him, and he decides it's for the best if he stays out of Spider's life. He never wanted to be a dad, and Spider made it clear he's uninterested in him, so Quaritch thanks the foster parents for raising Spider and they go their separate ways.

Spider is perfectly content to pretend the recom doesn't exist until he gets wind of Quaritch's mission: to hunt down and kill Jake Sully.

Spider can't bear the thought of Jake and his family being hunted down by Quaritch, and he realizes he's in a position to do something about it. So Spider cooks up a plan...

Meanwhile, Quaritch is going through the motions, doing his best to pretend he doesn't care he and Spider have gone their separate ways before truly getting to know each other. One day, after hours stuck in briefings with Ardmore and the other higher ups, he comes back to the recom barracks to find Spider just casually hanging out with his soldiers like he belongs there.

Quaritch reacts with what outwardly looks like anger (but he's just lashing out because he's surprised and is still hurting deep down over Spider rejecting him) and asks what the hell the kid is doing here. The recoms explain Spider noticed their braids are very poorly maintained while they were doing PT and offered to teach them how to properly care for their Kurus and keep the hair clean and braided. It turns out, the RDA didn't teach the recoms a lot of stuff about being Na'vi, so Spider ended up giving an impromptu lesson on Na'vi biology and how to care for their new bodies. Spider eagerly offers to hang out and teach the recoms more stuff about being Na'vi but Quaritch gets mad and shoos him away, despite the recoms protesting. They thought Spider was funny, and he's one of the only humans who acts normal around them in their blue bodies. But they can't argue with the boss.

To Quaritch's chagrin, Spider keeps randomly showing up with the recoms. One day he's teaching them Na'vi language, another day he's teaching them about edible plants, etc, etc. The recoms love him, and they indulge Spider's lessons even though Quaritch keeps telling him to stay away. Spider's parents also encourage Spider to stay away from the recoms, because they knew their original human selves and know they're capable of horrible violence even though they seem friendly and funny at first. It doesn't work.

Quaritch eventually snaps and asks Spider what he's trying to do here. Spider panics because he can't let them know this is part of his plan to protect Jake and co, so he blurts out the first thing he can think of. He tells Quaritch he changed his mind about wanting to get to know him, but he didn't know how to say that so he's been using his lessons as an excuse to be around Quaritch more. Quaritch is secretly touched but doesn't show it. He tells Spider he still thinks its better if Spider just sticks with his foster family. But Spider baits Quaritch with the promise of showing them how to tame ikran. The recoms overhear the last part of the conversation and beg Quaritch to let Spider show them how to get banshees. Quaritch reluctantly agrees.

A few days later, they set out for their first time in the jungle, and Spider proves himself invaluable. He's much more knowledgeable than the recoms, and more dependable than searching up info on their data pads. Quaritch realizes keeping Spider around might be a good idea, so after they all tame their banshees, Q offers to make Spider their official translator and guide. Spider enthusiastically agrees.

Over the next couple of months, Spider teaches the recoms how to go "full Na'vi," and really bonds with Quaritch. He even spends the night in the recom barracks a couple of times. Quaritch almost starts to feel like a second dad. Spider's parents try to talk him out of it multiple times, suspecting what he's doing, but Spider is adamant. Against his better judgement, he actually starts to like Quaritch and the recoms, and the "act" he puts on becomes more and more real as time goes on. Spider starts to think he might be able to talk Quaritch out of hunting Jake and work towards a peaceful solution.

Baby boy gets his bubble burst real fast tho :')

Quaritch gets the tip about a rogue gunship flying towards the reef tribes and asks Spider to fly with him as a translator (Spider's parents are not thrilled about this since it means Spider will be away from them for an unknown amount of time, but they have no control over Quaritch). Spider agrees, thinking they're just going to ask the eyktan some questions, nothing more. And it starts that way... but the recoms quickly become more and more aggressive when they realize they're not getting any real answers. Before Spider knows it, they're burning maruis and holding the tsahik at gunpoint. Spider only just barely talks Quaritch out of killing anyone.

After that, Spider and Quaritch have a very ugly fight that ends with Spider furiously yelling through tears and Quaritch coldly telling Spider getting to know each other was a mistake. Quaritch tells him his job as a translator is over and tomorrow he'll fly him back to Bridgehead to stay with his parents and they will never work with each other again (Quaritch immediately regrets this, he wants spider to stay with him, but he refuses to take back his words).

Spider is so distraught by everything that he videocalls his parents that night in his room aboard the Sea Dragon. His parents comfort Spider and tell him this is for the best. Now Spider can focus on becoming a pilot and having a bright future with the RDA

But the bubble is burst and Spider can't turn back. He knows now that peace between Na'vi and humans is impossible as long as the RDA is around. He also learns about the tulkun-hunting for amrita around this time, further cementing his belief. He doesn't want a future with the RDA. He wants to join the resistance.

Spider can't speak openly because they suspect the RDA spies on their video calls, but after some time to think on it he calls his parents again and tells them he's changed his mind and wants to stay with Quaritch. His parents know damn well Spider is not onboard with the recom's mission and they suspect he has a plan to interfere with the recoms mission. They immediately try to shut Spider down and tell him to just come back home. They remind him how things have been better, how they're slowly being allowed privileges and better pay, and how Spider can fulfill his dream of being a pilot like Paz.

But Spider knows in his heart he has to do the right thing, even if it risks himself and his parents. He ends up having a fight with them. His dad threatens to tip off ardmore but spider knows he won't actually do it since it would put Spider's life in danger. His mom starts crying and begs him not to do something stupid. It breaks his heart, but spider can't ignore the injustice of the rda. He can't fall in line and pretend he doesn't know about the war crimes and violence. Spider furiously calls them both cowards and hangs up on them. He feels like absolute shit, he's lost his connection with 3 of his parental figures in one day, but he won't change his mind.

The next day he approaches wainfleet, the recom who's the most indulgent with him, and apologizes for freaking out yesterday. He says he talked about what happened with his parents, and now he understands that the recoms have no choice but to be harsh on the natives. Jake is a dangerous terrorist threatening the safety of humanity, and anything is justifiable for the safety of humanity.

Wainfleet and the other recoms are ready to welcome Spider back with open arms. They miss their little mascot and the RDA translators suck compared to him. But Quaritch isn't as easily fooled by Spider's act. Quaritch grills Spider more about his sudden change of heart, and Spider scrambles for something to convince him. He ends up saying that he doesn't want to go back to bridgehead and never see him again. Even though he doesn't agree with his methods, he's still his dad and he wants to be near him. (Spider tells himself he's lying but that's not true) (Quaritch tells himself he doesn't care but it's also not true). Quaritch begrudgingly lets Spider have a second chance, claiming its only because the RDA translators suck.

It kills Spider inside, but he plays along as translator, doing as Quaritch asks. He can't stand to see the villagers suffer, but by cooperating, Quaritch is more likely to listen to him, so he's able to talk Q out of killing/maiming anyone at the bare minimum. Quaritch is secretly thrilled to have Spider back and cooperating, but it's not the same. Spider cooperates, but the real connection they had before is gone. Spider is a physically affectionate kid and a jokester, but that's gone now. He no longer reaches out to grab onto Quaritch when he's close by or tease him like he used to. Quaritch misses it, but he thinks it will come back with time.

By cooperating, Spider builds up trust with Q and the Sea Dragon crew and he starts performing espionage. Since he grew up in Hell's Gate working with the other humans, he is much more knowledgeable about machines and how to damage them without it being obvious he did it. He starts with small things, like sabotaging some of the guns on a whaling submarine, but constantly keeps his eyes open for new ways to undermine the RDA. His master plan is to completely cripple the engine of the Sea Dragon, at which point he'll steal a small boat and slip away in the night. If he pulls it off correctly, no one will even realize he's gone until the next morning, at which point he'll be long gone. He hopes he'll be able to find a Na'vi village and convince them he's on their side so they'll take him to Jake. Spider "borrows" a distracted crew members laptop by learning their password and secretly downloads important RDA intel onto a USB (or whatever they use in the future to store data) and plans to give it to Jake after he makes his daring escape.

Spider doesn't call his parents throughout this time, still angry that they're content to live under the RDA's rule. Then it sinks in on him that he may never see them again whether his plan succeeds (cause he won't have a way to contact them from the resistance) or fails (cause he'll probably be executed on the spot). After a week or so, Spider is almost ready to cripple the engine, steal the data, and escape. The night before he enacts the final stage of his plan, he tries to call his parents one last time but chickens out at the last second. Instead, he records a video telling them he loves them and he's sorry and sends it. Immediately, his parents try to call him, but Spider shuts his tablet off. He exits his cabin and takes a deep breath. It's time to enact his plan.

Immediately, a lanky blue wrench gets thrown in the plan

As Spider makes his way across the upper deck, waiting for an opportunity to sneak down into the engine room, he sees Quaritch and Cupcake flying back with a net dangling from her claws. Inside the net is Lo'ak and a reef na'vi. The plan he spent weeks carefully constructing has gone out the window and Spider is in a full blown panic.

As Lo'ak and the reef girl are thrown on the deck, Spider runs through all the soldiers and goes straight to his friend, asking if he's okay... only to get punched in the gut. Spider folds like a lawn chair from the Na'vi sized punch and collapses on the deck. For a moment he thinks his mask is broken because he can't breathe, but it's just the wind knocked out of him. Even in his pain, he can tell Lo'ak held back his full strength with the punch. Lo'ak screams at him, with tears streaming down his face and Quaritch grabs him before he can do anything to Spider again. Lo'ak cries and accuses Spider of betraying them. Spider realizes rumors of his cooperation as Quaritch's translator must've gone around and now the Sullies think he's on Quaritch's side. Spider tries to soothe Lo'ak, but there's nothing he can say in front of Quaritch. Quaritch drags Lo'ak and the girl downstairs and locks them up in a storage room. He later comes back and comforts a distraught Spider, not realizing Spider is upset because he doesn't know how to rescue Lo'ak, not because Spider was scared by his former friend jumping him.

Spider decides to try and cripple the engine and free Lo'ak and the reef girl on the way out. He sneaks down to the engine room, he starts his sabotage, but he gets caught by some RDA employees. They run over to stop him and Spider thinks he's done for, when all of a sudden BOOM! Something huge hits the ship! Spider gets completely knocked off his feet and he accidentally starts a fire in the engine room, which is extremely dangerous since it could cause a big explosion. There's no more time for being sneaky, now he has to haul ass and pray he can get Lo'ak and himself out in time.

When he runs back topside, he finds chaos. Reef Na'vi on flying fish are attacking left and right, and there is also a tulkun fighting??? Now Spider knows what knocked the ship but he doesn't know why this tulkun isn't a pacifist like the others. He doesn't know where Quaritch is and he doesn't have time to wonder.

Spider runs down and finds Lo'ak and the girl guarded by two soldiers. He surprises them with a fire extinguisher attack and frees them. Thankfully it doesn't take Lo'ak long to be convinced Spider is on his side since he just gave two soldiers potentially deadly brain damage.

They run for their lives. Spider tries to lead them to the boat he planned to sneak out on that night, but they run into Wainfleet and some recoms, who start chasing them and they're forced to double back. They end up jumping into the moon pool to escape.

The water is even more chaotic than the air: there's submarines, ilu, tsurak, and the rogue tulkun fighting in every direction. The reef girl calls for an ilu and the three of them cling for dear life as they're guided through the underwater battle. They barely make it away from the sea dragon before the engine blows and the giant ship starts to sink, only adding to the chaos.

A submarine spots them and comes after them. It shoots a balloon thing into the ilu and the kids get scattered. They're separated from the reef girl, but Lo'ak and Spider manage to hide in the seaweed long enough to make it to a small rocky island near the battle.

As they're frantically trying to figure out what to do next, a banshee flies over out of nowhere and they realize it's Quaritch. Quaritch heard what Spider did to the ship and realizes Spider's been playing them this whole time. He's furious. Spider has never seen Quaritch look at him like that and he's terrified. The boys try to fight back but Quaritch overpowers them both and cuffs them, handling them very roughly.

Lo'ak tries to talk bravely and warns Quaritch that the Na'vi will overwhelm the humans and kill them all, so he should go ahead and run. Sure enough, when they look at the battle, the Na'vi appear to be winning. But then, In the distance, they see a small gunship rapidly approaching. Quaritch laughs and points at it, telling Lo'ak the reinforcements are arriving and they'll easily overwhelm the Na'vi. Quaritch flags down the gunship and gets ready to the load the boys onto it.

As the gunship lands, Spider thinks his fate is sealed: Lo'ak will be used as a hostage to kill jake and neytiri, and Spider himself will likely be executed. He regrets not picking up the phone when his parents called. Spider doubts Ardmore would let him see them again before he's killed, so the last time he ever saw his parents was when he was fighting them and calling them cowards. He looks at the pilot and recognizes one of his friends from when he was training to be a pilot. It strikes him as odd that his friend was trusted with such an important mission. But he doesn't have much time to think about it because Quaritch harshly grabs Spider by the collar of his shirt and curses at him for betraying him. He says some pretty nasty things to Spider, about how he's a worthless traitor and shouldn't have been born (things he doesn't mean, he's lashing out because he's genuinely hurting that Spider's attempts to bond with him were all an act to get his trust, and this man does not know how to process his emotions other than being hateful). He tells Spider "you're sure as hell no son of mine"

The door to the gunship swings open, and a voice calls out "you're right, he is no son of yours."

Quaritch looks back at the ship in time to see Spider's parents climb out, armed with guns. Spider's mother fires off a warning shot and Quaritch drops Spider and backs away. Spider's father shoots Quaritch in the shoulder and Quaritch dives off the island and disappears into the sea. It's unclear if the wound was fatal or not.

Spider's parents run to their son and tearfully embrace him. They explain that when Spider called them cowards, deep down, they knew he was right. They started subtly making a plan to escape the RDA with other closeted Na'vi sympathizers, but when Spider sent his final video message, they knew they had to act. They gathered everyone and stole a gunship and made it there as fast as they could. Spider breaks down sobbing tears of relief. He thought he would die before he would get to tell his parents he loved them again.

Jake, Neytiri, and the rest of the Sully family find them on the rock as the fighting dies down. The Sullies, Spider, and ragtag group of RDA-defectors retreat to Awa'atlu before the real reinforcements show up. They have a big celebration and the Sullies vouch for Spider and help him explain he only acted as Quaritch's translator to prevent bloodshed and to build up trust to destroy the Sea Dragon. Spider's dad apologizes to Jake for choosing to defect to the RDA, knowing how they hurt the Na'vi. Jake waves off his apology and admits he himself has made some selfish decisions in the interest of protecting his family. Jake says he's done running and is ready to fight the RDA again. The Metkayina are a little skeptical of the new humans at first, but after hearing Tsireya's POV, they decide to allow them to stay. Tonowari and Ronal also agree to join the resistance after witnessing the brutality of the tulkun hunts and having their daughter kidnapped. Spider shares his USBs of stolen intel and it proves extremely helpful in taking down the RDA.

Lo'ak, Kiri, and Spider spend all night talking, overjoyed to be reunited again. In the morning they promise to show Spider all the amazing things in Awa'atlu. They also offer to let Spider sleep in their marui, but Spider declines. His parents brought inflatable atmo-pods for the human defectors to sleep in so they can remove their masks. Spider finds the one his parents are in.

Spider hasn't slept with his parents since he was a little kid, but that night he sleeps curled up with them. A small little family, united by their determination to stand up for whats right 💙

Kudos to you if you made it to the end ha ha. I started writing and I just couldn't stop!

[kurishiri]

spoilers for alfons route under the cut

thank you for the ask, anon!

Anonymous said:

Hiii, i wanted ask something regarding the ask about Alfons being "kissed" by others in the epilogue. When i first read it, it seemed to me like he was trying to make Kate feel better in his own way by spouting some lie like this to me? And doesn't him continuing his nightly escapades mean showing people who need them illusions instead of being sexual with them? I can't say that i'm an expert on him but characters like alfons usually become pretty jealous and possessive after they come to accept the love they starved for( there was an event where him kate and roger went to drinking and he shows this side of his openly i think) and to me Alfons doesn't seem like he would hold a double standard for his own "entertainment". Now i'm not saying it wouldn't happen but even if it did, i think it's in the instance where his former "playmates" throw themselves at him before he has a chance to react. Or i'm totally deluding myself lol but that was what came to my mind and i just wanted to share it.

One thing about Alfons is he's not gonna speak directly and twist words until they have the meaning he wants to deliver so i try reading into it rather than accept his words at face value. Sorry this got so long!

hii anon! first of all, sorry for the late reply!

first things first, i want to clarify that (according to al) it wasn’t that he was kissed by others, but rather he himself initiated the kiss. that may change the context then /nm that said, you’re right, he could be lying. he’s been suspected of lying multiple times — we really don’t know and it would be up to your interpretation. al promised not to have sex with others, yes, but well, kissing is sort of a separate thing from sex. the act of kissing (or sex) in and of itself was like a type of escape that al could give his “friends” anyway. it wasn’t an act of emotional intimacy, it was a means to provide a physical pleasure. he could give a kiss to all the women in the world, but the only one who he could give a “true love’s kiss” to is kate. it definitely does feel a bit more wishy washy in his case, haha. but he could be giving illusions, or he could be with his “friends” — they seem to fall under the same category.

that said, yeah, i do think he does get jealous pretty easily. and i also think it’s not necessarily out of his character to purposely try and make kate jealous as a way to make her keep thinking about him. i think it’s interesting to think abt al and double standards if i’m understanding right too — in fact, i think “double standards”…or maybe hypocrisy? english is hard lmao but anyway. i think it’s actually a sort of flaw of his in a way. for example, he wanted kate to keep thinking abt him and so he got really close to her, but when she actually did get close to him like he wanted her to, he pushes her away. or even how he “hated on roger” (which we all know that’s half bogus) because roger hid things from kate — as if he hadn’t done the same low key bfhkshfhsgds elbie sort of words this clearly in the past records featuring him and al, but perhaps bc elbie phrases this feature of al’s as though it’s an endearing feature of his (which ig it can be, yk, i think everything is up to interpretation. it’s similar to how jude gets easily irritated but it can be seen as endearing too bc “aww hes such a tsundere” mindset), we as readers may also think the same.

and fs! al’s words definitely are not and should not be meant to be taken at face value. its for this reason i do recommend his side stories; his thoughts are honest. and i mean, just look at alfons and roger. for all the hating alfons does on roger he went as far as to give an illusion to roger to make him forget abt al when he disappeared to confront the purification club. and as we know, he gave an illusion so that no one would have to be in pain or grieve for him when he died. to him, it was an act of kindness — one that he had given to roger as well. if he really hated roger, would he have gone so far? yes, al doesn’t think 100% positively of roger, but i don’t think he could ever dislike him fully either, especially when he can’t help but associate a couple positive memories with him.

[zephyra-in-the-house]

Helloo! I wanted to say that I loved second chances sm, when I found a random chapter last year I read the entire fic in a couple days bc I had to know what happened next, then reread it every now and then while waiting for the updates

I like how we can see both sides of the coin with shadowpeach, how they both care but are still struggling for different yet similar reasons, their struggle with what they went through, dealing with each other's personality traits and habits(their own too) that are still hard to let go of, the glimpses of the consequences of the punishments and their backstory in general

And maybe it's a me thing, but I feel like your Wukong acts like he's a bit aro spec, maybe demi aromantic, and I love that he does, especially while still explicitly loving(and like longing for?) Mac sm

I got that feeling after rereading one of the conversations shadowpeach had in the kitchen when Wukong said something about just wanting to be near Mac, and having him as his best friend was so great kinda like there couldn't possibly be anything better

I know it's probably to show how he grew up, or his personality, and that he's dense (specifically when it comes to reading Mac's feelings towards him) but I feel that just adds to the similarities with the aro experience bc there's a side of the aro community that is blind to more romantic stuff, and romantic-coded gestures or more intimate closeness is just closeness all the same

And your Wukong gives me the impression that he just wanted Mac to be close to him, didn't matter what kind of close, and that he holds the title of "best friend" as a really special thing. Be it BECAUSE of Mac, or maybe since before becoming friends with him, like not just anybody would be his best friend (Also it was maybe to show his trust issues, but still)

I think Wukong said somewhere that he just wanted Mac to be happy to be around him, as happy as SWK was to be around Mac. And I know his inability to put his feelings(love) into words more than referring to a strong or special friendship is probably to show that he's not good with Feelings™, but I like to think that maybe he is enamored in the way a queer platonic love would feel like, so calling it a strong or special friendship kinda does cut it to some degree I think

Also the way Mei (everyone really, but she's more expressive about it, and we see her more than other characters) sees Wukong as a hopeless case, but I think Wukong would see Mac loving him strongly in any way as the best thing ever, as long as it's strong love, he wouldn't mind, love is love, like he just wants to be as special to Mac as Mac is to him

Also I'd love to see them be together even if they don't have the same kind of love for each other, bc the love they have for each other would still be just as strong, and would let them have just as strong of a bond, (in the future, as things are going I have hope, I do hope they end up together in this universe, even if nothing of what I'm saying fits them by the end)

I mean no disrespect to your original idea, or if that's not what u intended, I tried looking through your blog and I haven't found any mention of something similar or headcanons about it

But yeah, idk if u mind ppl putting headcanons on your stories? Some ppl do mind, so idk I just wanted to say that regardless of that hc of mine, I think how you write them is so cool and interesting, and I find that about Wukong really cool even if it's not really where the story is heading and it's been really fun to reread

Also sorry for the weird english, it's not my first language ^^'

First things first:

Thank you so much for reading and commenting!

I absolutely love in depth analysis like this it's so interesting to read and to hear what people think of my story. I 100% love writing this story specifically because it demonstrates how these two are completely different and yet eerily similar people who are just struggling to reconnect with other people despite them both having their flaws and traumatic experiences. It's really fun to write and explore and I absolutely love everything that you said here about it~

Duuude!! I fuckin looooveeee that headcanon! Holy shit that's so awesome! Honestly, I didn't even realize I was writing Wukong that way but now that it's been pointed out I can totally see it!

As someone who is kind of on the ace spectrum, I think I may have just subconsciously made it that way. Just like every other author I know, I have a habit of adding my own traumas/ideologies to my stories so I really shouldn't be too surprised LOL

But don't worry! I don't mind people making headcanons about my story~ In fact, that's my favorite part of writing is seeing how people interpret the story and seeing how they formulate it into drawings or headcanons like this! It's so cool!

Initially, my intention was to write Wukong as being oblivious/in denial about his own feelings and in general just bad with feelings. However, I really love your idea too! It's definitely one of those things where Wukong is just happy to be around Macaque. Macaque is "his person", the one he feels happy and comfortable around, the one he feels he can be open and honest around... and yeah I just realized how much that sounds like the beginnings of a queer platonic relationship LMAO

In any case!

I absolutely love your analysis and I 100% agree that Wukong would be okay with Macaque loving him in any way, shape, or form so long as Macaque feels as safe and comfortable and happy as Wukong himself feels when they're together. ❤❤

Thank you for reading!

[changbinsboobs]

im the anon from before: told ya in my chan observations "knowing chan and his tendencies for a victim-complex, pick me, delulu and stuff" bound to cause some issues in his personal relationships but also this is why lee know is my fave out of the two bro would not give two hoots compared to chan who seems always on edge, kinda not trouble maker but doesnt mind stirring the pot to make a mountain out of a molehill.

although I do blame their coddeling from the companies for their inability to have stable relationships because they cant seemingly get out of their own delulu bubble (mainly chan).

u know what im also glad for these readings for? bc it makes me less delulu about certain idols lmao, its weird because some idols i thought would have dreadful personalities or types do not and its the ones that i have suspicions of and chan was one of them mainly due to his overly unhealthy attachments to stay but now i still find him interesting i just dont know if i would date him? yaknow? i think sometimes an idol having very very specific ideals can limit their overal perspective in dating bc theyre not really seeing someone for their personality or their natural charms or anything else its literally all about other attributes that they maybe look too much into and not giving some others enough chance becaude if u only look on the outside u never going to see ppl in different way, its very concieted. like what if chan met someone who fitted the appearsnce he wanted but they also had toxic behaviours or would just use him? he would still prolly date that person. im sure the girl he was with was lovely but no one wants to babysit a grown man. period. he actually gives manchild vibes no fr

honestly if anything i dont want him to be defamed cause she may or may not use it against him even if she sign nda but if hes that toxic it may very well backfire even further. i think he would be better more as friend material than romantic but he said he wanted family as well in snother reading. bro got a lot of growth to do before any of that

i hope other stay who maybe too deluded to see thru his behaviour i hope they somehow learn abt it thru readings cause itd suck to put so much attention and for it to all be unhealthy and shit

So first things first - my personal opinion is that nowadays there's just s HUGE gap between men and women in terms of being a a well rounded, capable, mature human being. Sadly. And so i i wouldn't necessarily put the blame on the companies but rather just on the guy himself - at the end of the day he chose that path and no matter what ur environment is you can still learn and choose to be well rounded human being - like thats on u bro🥲and i also do see him as a man child, sry not sry. Ive noticed that for a very long while actually and i think he knows that on some level too and thats part of the reason why he pushes that "taking care of y'all" image on himself so mich to try and make up for what he on the inside knows that he lacks.

And i think too he would date someone for SURE that he finds attractive but knows they're toxic cuz lets be honest - lots of people do😂 some people just crave toxicity and some people are toxic themselves and like attracts like.

Also i don't think the situation is that bad for him to be defamed - as i said i think the whole thing was much bigger in his perception than it probably was for the girl. I don't think he was toxic to the extent where he would be hurting anyone other than himself. In fact i think his toxic is rather embarrassing than hurtful. Its the type where you just sit there in shock and wonder how someone like him, with a certain image, status, money, power even, life experience etc - can act and be so immature and cringey. I think he could also be someone that would be kinda gaslighting but not out of malice but rather because he's just too sensitive and cant regulate his emotions so well hence why he can't really grasp the situation in a right way. But thats as far as it gets.

As negative as readings like that might sound im actually happy to read on energy like that because as you sed it helps delude people a bit and also just plain shows you a persons bad side (which we all have) and makes them much more human. And the best part - i would much rather stan an idol thats a manchild and is just a bit cringey, than stanning an abuser and not knowing it. That way you at least know his red flacks aren't THAT type of RED iykwim...👀

[tojikai]

THINGS THAT KEEP ME UP AT NIGHT

- “fix you” y/n never even coming close to the love toji has for his first wife

- Naomi and satoru(Literally everything regarding that)

- Naomi and yui( Literally everything regarding that as well)

- Home toji cheating on the supposed women he loves and everything y/n went through due to it(she didn’t get her happy ending:((( )

- What could’ve been with pm satoru and y/n

- Constantly hearing about how “good” naomi was to satoru even him himself still praising her in a way after what she did

- will we get a sundered or pm sequel or prequel (since home and fix you are honestly harder to see with a sequel atleast)

- does kai get annoyed/tired of the amount of asks they been getting lately 😞

Other stuff I was hoping you could answer 🥺

- did he genuinely love Naomi or did he just love her in terms of comfort? Could you explain the love he had towards her please(I’ll probably be heartbroken at the answer maybe but we love being miserable I guess lol)

- If naomi came into his life first would he date her first and last, and would yui even happen?!?!?

- ^ what would happen if y/n later on came into his life or he met both at the same time

- does satoru love yui or y/n more? What’s the difference between his love for them because when it comes to yui and y/n disappearing In the extra chapter and ask’s where you explain things, it seems like he’s more focused on y/n.

- once yui and y/n were in his life did they become the people he loved the most or did it eventually happen after his mom and Naomi weren’t in his life anymore or at some point

honestly i wanted them to end up tgt miserable without being able to have a kid while yui and y/n are in another country with toji and megumi🤭or a “Home” type ending where Gojo get’s everything thrown back at him 17393939 times harder

AHAHAH let me give my thoughts on some of this, they're really entertaining🤣

hmm pm satoru and yn could've had it all honestly.

im definitely thinking about how home yn didn't get a chance at happy ending too 🥹 (the humming tiktok sound didn't help :'>)

as for Satoru praising Naomi, yeah he's really grateful for what he did for him. she stayed w him at his lowest, he can't deny that 🥹 but what she did is not something he'll easily put behind. it almost ruined everything.

sequelssss idk, maybe when i have more time to write. as of now i am writing different things bc my interests switches really fast. like strangely fast, i kinda wanna get checked bc of this.

NOPE, kai's never annoyed w questions bc i really enjoy these stuff. even just reading your thoughts and reactions is very interesting to me. PLUS, i get a lot of ideas from them. they trigger ideas LMAO

Satoru loved naomi in that comfort way yes. bc she was really supportive and understanding towards him. like she didn't drop her even during those worsts of him. and the fact that she had to deal w his broken fam/baby momma issues too, yeah he admires her for that. but as for love like the "love-love" he has for y/n? no. he can't love anyone in the same level as yn.

he'd probably date naomi if she came first. that doesn't mean he wouldn't date yn once they get to know each other tho. a lot of things that could lead them to each other can happen. he'd probably wouldn't want a child early on in the rs if he and Naomi were dating. even yui was a surprise (not unwanted tho <3)

if he met both at the same time, he's going w yn lmao. he won't be able to stop it.

he's more focused on yn bc yn is mom. where mom is, yui is LMAO that doesn't mean he loves yui less tho. like w yui its more of nurturing and guiding. while with yn, ofc its romantic.

yn became the love of his life when he woke up one morning and thought of how nice it was to wake up next to her warmth🥺it was like she couldn't ask for anything anymore. along with that was yui ofc, she was pregnant that time and when she was born was one of his happiest days. even when he was with naomi, satoru has accepted that yn will always be the love of his life. it was just that in his mind he just gotta move on and forget bc back then it felt like nothing good will ever happen in their rs again. until he saw her w toji and then bam, he woke up. he's not having that everyday, he can't do it.

btw the home ending for naomi and satoru would've been fire. like they live the rest of their life regretting the decisions they made. but i think satoru wouldn't be able to handle being away from yn and yui even if that meant being an outsider in their new life alone 🥹

[nopeferatu]

Since the play implies that Ennis is still alive in 2013, do you think he ever went into town just to get something and end up seeing a pride march happening? I feel like he'd be trying to hide his jealously at seeing people being so open as disgust, and secretly be wishing him and Jack could have been open like that. And he would probably have seen a couple that reminded him of himself and Jack, just to twist the knife in further. (Also I think he would secretly pick something pride related up, like a tiny flag, something easy to hide and put it on Jack's shirt)

So I got this ask when I was on the plane ride back to the US and my interest was piqued, so I bought the 4hr British Airways internet package just to do some research; turns out that, from what I could find, the pride festivals in the bigger cities of Wyoming are all pretty recent? As in, I think the earliest one I could find started in Casper in 2015, which kind of goes to show you even further the kind of state that Ennis and Jack would have grown up in for the pride festivals in the BIG cities to have started so recently.

Even if he wouldn't have had the chance to see a pride march in 2013, the thought of Ennis existing in the modern day and age is really interesting to me. I think things have gotten to where even in a state as unpopulated as Wyoming queer people are becoming more and more visible, and so if he had to absolutely run to one of the bigger cities for some reason or another, the chances of him coming across a queer couple just living life like normal would be great and growing by the day.

Imagine Ennis wandering around, trying to find such and such shop for such and such thing that Junior needed for her family, when he sees a couple of young guys in their boots and wranglers. They're not doing anything unbecoming, just standing a little bit close, laughing and jostling each other, but not in any way that would set alarm bells off for him—until they lock their hands together and leave to wherever they're going. Maybe share a quick peck on the cheek before they go, dealing the final gut-punch of the day for him.

I'm honestly not sure how comfortable he'd be with the thought of same-gender attracted people like him and Jack being so open, but I do often think about how Ennis would react to seeing an openly gay couple for the first time in his life, maybe in his mid-to-late 40s. I think he wouldn't know what to do with himself. I feel like he'd stare, and he wouldn't be able to catch his staring in time, so he'd try poorly to play it off and keep on walking to wherever he had to be. I think he'd get angry about it, too. At them for flaunting their thing around like it's fine and dandy to do so, at himself for denying Jack for so long, and at the world for changing too late for them to have ever had a chance. Ennis is a very complicated man and so unfortunately I think his disgust at the sight would be real (there's a fic where he and Jack come across hippie boys who he talks shit about bc he doesn't like that they don't have the decency to keep themselves hidden, which is a very Ennis-thing to think, imo) but what is also so very real is his jealousy. He just wishes he could have had that kind of a life with Jack.

Anyways anon, your ask reminds me of another all-time favorite fic of mine, Might Seem Like an Ordinary Night by theswearingkind on ao3. It's a lovely little fic about Ennis reacting to New York legalizing gay marriage in 2013. Give it a read—it's very short but packs such an emotional punch.

[bronzetomatoes]

Sorry I would like a second opinion on a personal issue from people who had no involvement in the situation so. Sorta long post ahead

Ermm so there's this girl in my band class. And like at our school that means we've all been in the same class with the same 20-some people for both band and English for 2-3 years now, so we're a pretty close group as far as full high school classes go. But yeah there's this girl I've sorta known in passing the past couple years

When we got to school for the new year in September, this girl (gonna call her Alice, not her real name) had just come out as trans, started growing her hair out, was very skittish and socially awkward. Last year she had a friend group, this year none of them seemed to be talking to her. After chatting with us for a day in October, she asked if she could start hanging out with us at school more often. We all sorta went 👍 ofc you can

We really did not have anything in common, but we could tell she needed friends and like. It's fine, ofc, and our band teacher spoke to us privately about how great it was to see Alice have friends + the impact she could see it having on Alice.

After like a month or two, the early awkwardness and stilted conversations had... not gone away. But like I thought That's okay, being socially awkward isn't a crime, not everyone is good w that shit. We still very much did not have Any common interests, and honestly? We didn't even seem to enjoy each other's company that much, she just sorta hung around us bc she needed friends. We didn't find each other funny either, which sorry if that seems stupid but like thats kind of a big deal for me and my friends

One thing I started to notice was that she seemed... overly familiar? Like she started laying on pretty thick with flirting and sexual jokes in a way that kind of just fell flat. I kinda pinned it as social awkwardness + not taking hints, but my friends and I had known each other for YEARS before we started that shit, not. 3 months. And like it wouldn't have been a problem if Alice would like, stop when we asked her to.

On the one hand, I feel like some of my friends were a little harsh in the way they started icing her out, but on the other hand I had been fighting off a Bad Gut Feeling for months at that point and didn't much feel like going to bat for Alice? But anyway

I missed a lot of lunch hours for extracurriculars, which is when most of this shit goes down, so apparently Alice had kept on full sending it w the heavy flirting and sexual comments. Literally asked one of the more reserved guys if he was circumcised out of fucking no where. Asked one guy out, found out he had a gf, immediately moved onto another guy. Asked someone if his friend was single, guy said "no, but I don't think he's looking for anything rn," Alice replied "lmk if he gets better," kept making weird ass fucking jokes (including an incest joke about her REAL LIFE LITTLE BROTHER) until it was just like. This shit has gotta stop

And THEN. Alice's old friends told us that the reason they all fucking dropped her was bc she a) wouldn't quit it w invasive questions abt their sex lives (non-existent) (we're in high school band get real), b) went to someone's house to hang out and READ THEIR DIARY. And c) wrote. self-insert porn about herself and one of their friends and then showed it to them. ANYWAYYYYY we had had ENOUGHH but I feel really bad bc she really and truly got dropped by like 20 people all at once. And like some of us had a free period together so it was like we had been chatting for an hour a day from October to February and we all kinda just dropped her. But on the other hand what the actual fuck

And the thing is, we did give her a chance to apologize. We explained everything that had been making us uncomfortable and asked her to stop, and rather than, idk, deciding to stop hitting on all our friends, she tried to explain why she should be allowed to do it 😭😭 and like at that point I couldn't keep giving her the benefit of the doubt. It ain't misreading social cues if you're being told directly and you refuse to change your behaviour

This all went down like a couple weeks ago but I had to get it off my chest. Don't blame the band teacher or anything her heart is always in the right place but WOO BOY was it misguided 💀

[honeycreammilkshake]

I feel like an ass for saying this, but outside of Sukuna and Yuuji i dont really think the other characters are interesting. Yeah MAYBE Geto but thats also just the most indeoth character gege has wrote. Otherwise everyone single other character is just overtly simple or a jackass.

I mean shit, the world building is so lackluster. Theres a lot that looks like it was written on the fly and no real thought put into it sometimes. Hell theres timess where plot devices feel like they got put on a backburner and forgotten. Shit some deaths felt unessacary (gestures to the fhcking female cats)

And noboara? Dont get me started her staying dead would have been amazing to help yuuji grow!

Nope, shes back. Its the fucking fairy tail death situation all over again.

Also, in the new chapter im NOT happy with how gege handled Yuuta. So anticlimactic...

Im just.... im really upset over this because you can tell a lot of this was halfassed and forced.

Also fuck RCT. Brings back people feom the dead but you cant bring baxk anyone else? What the fuck is going on. Im not excited for the mangas ending at all...

i feel you, anon. sorry for the late reply btw.

don't feel bad about sharing your opinions. i agree with you on them. i feel like a LOT of the characters are either underdeveloped or simply not as interesting as they could have been. i feel bad because i think gege is experiencing a lot of pressure since this is their first official and long-running series and it became really popular. i think they might not have as much experience as some other mangaka or maybe just they rush or don't fully plan things out? i'm just speculating so i hope i don't seem cruel-hearted in saying as much.

and i agree a lot of the plot seems too sudden and not fully fleshed out. i often cannot even keep track of the technical stuff and details bc new stuff is always being added and i think i've even found some contradictions and unexplained stuff that doesn't really make sense.

overall, jjk isn't as well-written as it maybe could have been, and i'm saying this objectively. i think gege loses sight of the story a lot of the time and sometimes pulls plot developments that don't make much sense as a way to speed things up.

nobara coming back could have been handled much differently for example. as much as i do agree that her death could have served yuuji's arc well, i think she deserved better than being killed off so suddenly. she shouldn't have been killed off at all. or if she was brought back sooner it wouldn't feel so fairy tale unrealistic.

and i also find yuta a bad replacement for yuuji and just kind of boring honestly. he's like gojo 2.0 in terms of character-building only gege adores him this time.

i'm also not understand the full extent of rct. maybe i'm missing something?

idk anon. you're right on a lot of this. thankfully the manga will be ending soon, and there's a chance that someone other than gege will be continuing it, so maybe better developments and more closure will be giving to us?

idk, no disrespect to gege but im honestly not sure what kind of story im reading any more.

[kociepierogi]

Hello! I’m your LOST secret Santa! Could you tell me about your favourite character and why you like them?

Thanks!

Hi, I'm sorry for late reply but I'm out on a trip rn!!

So, I could say that I have three fav characters; Sayid, Mr Eko and Ben.

I like Sayid bcs he's both so perfect and imperfect. He's literally the most beautiful man on the whole island who respects women and always has right opinions (let's ignore his past, okay 🤪). What is fascinating for me in his character, that I can very easily read him from his face and body language and as an autistic person, most of the time I find it incredibly hard. (Maybe it's time to slap another autism headcanon on my fav character 😆).

He's beautifully soft, caring and emotional, very intelligent and knows his shit about things. I very much have instinct to protect this man at all cost, though I know it would probably be the other way around 😆😆😆

I also very often find it fascinating when a character has a dark past although clearly being a good person and still struggling with some horrible stuff (let's ignore what they did to him in season 5/6 😭😭😭). It's like... the nuance, mixed emotions and lots of space to do some tasty psychoanalysis 👁👁 In the end, we see what his character is about and it's very much about how sOFT and caring he is to people he loves, he just wants to protect them ;u; But he was forced by war to go to extreme measures to survive and he is stuck with this survival mode and trauma for a long time, as people with pstd are.

He's a lovely friend, partner and ally to have and I like to headcanon him to be on the ace spectrum, like demisexual and biromantic (just my personal little headcanon 🤭). Idk, he's just neat 🤲💖

When it comes to Ben, I love how horrible he is, it fascinates me without the end 😆😆 He's clearly someone who has ptsd and might be autistic with some absolutely horrible coping mechanisms and jealousy problems. He's pathetic in a way that makes me hooked, whenever we find some humanity behind all of that and someone yET again gives him another chance (as they usually shouldn't, but I would do the same because I am delulu). The part in the finale in afterlife, when he was in this ridiculously adorable teachers AU with Locke made me love him even more, bcs it showed what kind of person he could be, if all of this bad stuff with island wouldn't happen. I love to headcanon him as autistic and gay aroace or asexual gay or just gay. He clearly would have many little passions if he wouldn't be occupied with the island bullshit and his ptsd. He's clearly a father at his very core, the one that is not rotten with fear and jealousy. He seems to just care sm for others in this AU. (And he clearly would have some interesting close friendship with Locke with nice sprinkle of gayness 👀)

Normally he's a horrible person with tragic story but I am a Benjamin Linus apologist 100%, love that he got his little redemption arc at the end and got domesticated by Hurley 😆 He might as well get it after all this mess and trauma with island and Jacob vs Black Smoke bullshit, like wHY not

The third option is Mr Eko and his incredibly relatable struggle with religion. Again, another character that I headcanon as autistic, like VERY much. The way he perceives world and communicates 🤌 I'm always weak for character whose stories are about survival, trauma and like in this case, religious trauma. Even though myself I came out in the end to be agnostic, I admire his strength to stay spiritual and become a priest. He's someone who's strong and someone to look up to for advice. Though, he shouldn't have to be forced to be so strong by awful trauma he went through.

I absolutely LOVED the way he perceived his spirituality and concept of sin. The way he said he asks for no forgiveness, because he only did what he did to survive. And that struck me, I was like WOAH, THAT'S IT. I am really sad that his character was killed off and we never saw where they would go with it, it would be so sO interesting. A badass priest with awfully dark past 🤌 His attachment to brother is very relatable to me too. And yet again, another aroace headcanon 😆

Anyway, sorry for long ramble, hope that helps a bit!!!

[moongothic]

You're talking aboyt Kuma made me thinking, is possible Vegapunk somehow move Kuma memory to that ancient robot(The one Luffy, Bonney, Vegapunk, and Jimbei found) as vessel? (Like FMA plot)

Bcs last time that's robot begin to active right after Bonney got her memory and before flashback.

The giant robot really is a big ol' mystery, don't really know how to comment on the robot itself

You're right though, like I hadn't even thought about this but. If Vegapunk was able to view and analyze Kuma's memories without actually touching the Memory Bubble, then it could be possible he could've created a copy of the memories. Like a recording of them on a USB stick or something

And if he was able to do that, then... arguably, maybe Vegapunk could install that memory copy somewhere? Be it any random Pacifista or the Giant Robot. Like as long as there's some kind of a computer "brain", like. Yeah you could probably install the memories there.

The question is, would that give the robot free will though? A soul, a mind that could feel things and analyze the memories and make their own decisions?

'Cause the memories are just information, not a soul of their own, right? Unless Oda writes it so that the memories do make up the soul?

Like it'd be kind of the reverse of S-Bear, who has a mind of his own (to some degree), a soul, but he's still just a clone of Kuma, not Kuma himself. He has his own soul, and none of Kuma's memories. (IDK if Kuma's memories could even be inserted into S-Bear but even if they could, that still wouldn't turn S-Bear into Kuma, just a slightly more accurate copy, wouldn't it)

IDK maybe it is still viable Kuma's Memories could still end up being placed into some kind of a vessel, it just raises interesting questions

Like if Vegapunk did managed to sneak in that circuit then maybe we could get Kuma back as he is, in his original body

Or maybe, if Kuma is able to push out kind of abstract concepts like pain and copy memories from people's bodies, could he maybe push out his actual soul? Could that soul then be placed into another vessel? Like a proper Alphonse Elric-kinda situation?

Maybe Vegapunk was able to copy Kuma's memories and could insert them into any of the vessel options we have (hell, maybe have them copied into ALL the Pacifistas); best case scenario, we end up with a clone of Kuma who has inherited his will. Without a (/the original) soul, it won't be The Same Kuma, but it will be A Kuma

There is the question of would bringing back Kuma or having someone (like S-Bear) inherit his will completely undermine the entire point of Kuma's flashback and sacrifice. Because there is an argument to be made that it could. We spent all these chapters getting to know this man, all the pain and suffering he went through his entire life, getting to understand why he did what he did and what he sacrificed. All this for a tragedy that then gets fixed with magic, as if nothing ever happened? I'm so torn here. Because on one hand, I would agree with the people who'd think Kuma coming back would be kind of lame, we've had more than enough fakeout deaths already. But on the other hand, I want Bonney and Kuma to reunite. I want them to have a happy ending together. I think we all do. And unlike past flashbacks where what's done is done and it can't be fixed anymore, the reason so many readers are holding onto hope Kuma could survive is because there MAY still be a chance it could be fixed. That maybe Luffy could save Bonney AND Kuma. Like there's a critical part of me that feels like Kuma should stay dead for the sake of the writing. And then there's my inner fan/reader who just wants a happy end. And I'm so torn.

I'm so sorry anon I went completely off the topic, I genuinely don't know what to make of the Giant Robot right now and have no opinions there, but man. There's actually an opportunity for some really interesting story telling here depending on how shit pans out.

[whenthechickencry]

Umineko EP5. Replay Part 2

I am fine with the household I grew up in which is why I am having an imaginary conversation with someone about how not fine I was with it.

normal family dynamics where you are jealous of the fact your wife is forced to show respect to the man who basically kidnapped her.

I don't understand how people think Natsuhi really likes Krauss, man, she tells herself she does obviously but.... every other line reveals that she does not in fact do that. And she's right not to.

Hmmmm It is interesting how they made Lambdadelta be Natsuhi's unofficial sponsor for this game.... Natsuhi certainly is someone who tries even when the possibility of winning is 0, and Lambdadelta does seem to have some extra sympathy for the traumas of fatherhood and patriarchy. Her goals are kind of vague and muddled, as in she just kind of lies to herself to make her goals what is proper.

It's cruel to rob someone of the chance to give up, of course, but in a more sympathetic reading, you can say that is what caused Beatrice to witness her miracle...

Well, she sure is doing a bad job of that by giving Battler a shit ton of hints, Bern.

The way Bern tends to call Beatrice a "child" is very interesting to me, it shows she thinks of a lesser being, and in this context, I think Bernkastel sees Beatrice's suffering as lesser.... she was stuck in an endless loop for someone and she is supposed to believe the endless witch is worth having empathy for? That's how she thinks, I believe.

To be honest, the scene describing the scene *turning* sad is interesting to me. The scene that was taking place before wasn't wholly sad, of course, but it did reveal a lot of Natsuhi's buried resentments.... I think it shows how seeing without love isn't just seeing 'reality'. It is refusing to engage with the other person's world in favor of just pasting your own interpretation and assumptions on them. The scene where nothing is happening and Natsuhi is just sad tells us less about the truth of Natsuhi's heart than the scene with Beatrice. The magic Beatrice wanted Battler to see included all her trauma.

"this time, at least" lmfao, Natsuhi.

He's finally here.... the thing Beatrice has been waiting for for so long, he's finally getting it.

Well, no, it was Natsuhi.

well maybe you shouldn't have been fucking with and cheating on her since she was like 15 then.

everyone in this family has taken a moment to point out they are all traumatized by each other in like 4 scenes. Eva talks about how Krauss stole from the other siblings, Rudolf points out he is scared of Krauss beating him up, Rosa talks about being dragged into their (often physical) fights.

You can tell Natsuhi knows who they are right away, it wouldn't make sense to freak out this much if she truly had no idea, anyways. It would just be a prank call. Observant players should have alarms ring at the mention of 19 years ago considering that it is the same time Ronove mentioned back in ep3- though even then that is a bit of a misdirection bc we are seeing different Beatrice.

Tbh Natsuhi probably can and should have dismissed Nanjo Kumasawa and Genji for the day of the conference considering they are the only people alive that she knows know of this event in the first place - but the situation with the fake Kinzo makes that kind of impossible.

even Natsuhi knows lmfao.

You kinda deserved to get chewed on by LambdaBern for this though, jeez, Battler. Pay attention to the game!

Hahha, Maria wants to help her friend in need. Sayo probably has complained about Gohda to her before.

Haha, I forgot about this considering there were some Erika culprit theories, though I guess it does go in circles instead of proclaiming it directly....

Bernkastel immediately proclaims Erika as part of her and then starts disowning her when she fails to solve the mystery, ouch....

By the way, they were *very* careful not to have Kanon be talked about or be presented since the second Erika entered the room up to when Battler made it clear we are talking about his piece-version's pov. They already showed you how people that aren't there can be present in the narrative, so when they bring attention to this you should be noticing the mystery is challenging you. It's interesting how Kanon is the only one that gets a weirdly unique description compared to anyone else, too.

This line kind of made me imagine Erika as Eva's daughter and I'm just imagining what a shitshow that would be, oh my god.

Again, how she's conflating herself and Erika up to the point where she's discarded... that's really cruel. I feel bad all things considered. Also the games basically yelling: if you want to solve the epitaph yourself, stop now.

Well, if she put a loss condition on herself, that means she must not really care about winning right? Or otherwise, she might consider losing an acceptable outcome? Almost like it's someone who doesn't care about their life anymore?

Natsuhi stooooop. It is not your duty to just do everything Krauss wants to do. Your mind is a fucking prison aaaaa.

Haven't said much about Erika yet because she was mostly keeping the Proper Girl act with some of the hints of her true nature coming through, here is where her character starts going for real, though.

Yeah.... they are setting up what actually happened here haha... it would definitely not end well. And they are starting to question "What happens when you are trying to understand something not for your love of them or real understanding but just because you can?" Umineko is overall a work that promotes empathy and trying to understand others, so it also will deal with what happens when you "try to understand" for selfish or bad-faith reasons.

Yeah, the point of this scene is spelled out later, of course being able to see Kinzo and all, it's funny how hyped Kinzo is for this, though. In actuality if Battler solved it and not Sayo he would be so unamused.

[bluebudgie]

Snatching this character ask game to answer it in its entirety bc I'm currently sick in bed and this sounds like good distraction.

Here's your chance to read some lab rat character snippets.

Answering for Lahpp bc the brainworms got me bad the last 2 years.

A. What nicknames do they get called?

None, really. Unless employee numbers count as nicknames. I've made a joking comment about how Petthri would start calling him Gecko for absolutely no logical reason other than me being amused that the man's voice claim actor played a character with that name in a super niche musical. This isn't canon. But it makes listening to relevant songs funny.

B. Describe their family dynamic.

Non-existant. Didn't even have an official legal guardian until Rata Sum authorities required related paperwork for school stuff. There was the subkrewe that handled surveillance of his 'progress' and the head of the project was sort of 'in charge' of him but whatever relationship they had was nothing remotely comparable to a family. I think to this day he's got the hardest time wrapping his head around the concept of family relationships, other than of course the purely biological explanation.

C. What’s their weirdest habit or quirk?

Does consuming more coffee than anyone feasibly should count? I'm not even sure this man drinks anything else. Probably, but seriously unsure. Just don't question it, it hasn't killed him yet.

D. What was their high school college experience like?

This is one of those "20k essay; 1000 different amv scenarios" topics. In short: difficult, exhausting, but not as bad as it could have been.

On a social level he always felt like the odd one out and didn't have much contact to the other students, but he was never actively disliked or anything of the sort. Him being generally rather distant and observant probably intimidated a few people, as well as him being Inquest. Group projects went smoothly though, and interactions were superficially friendly. Just comparatively rare.

Work-wise he had to put in so much more effort than many others because of his disabilities, all while trying to be as stealthy as possible about it so noone would notice. He excelled in many challenges, didn't manage to hide all of it however; some things he simply couldn't do. Uncomfortable for him.

He was a really good student overall.

Also as a side anecdote, he got the typical "can you speak up please" a lot even though he was a front row regular. Soft-spoken guy.

E. What is their love language?

He's the "invite someone to go out for dinner" type. Spend some good quality time. He might get invested in the relevant person's interests too. Ask about them, enable some rambling, or ideally an interesting discussion.

F. How do they handle conflict?

That depends entirely on the kind of coflict and who or what is involved. Can range from "take the lead and try to find the most efficient solution" to "remove himself from the situation and just not deal with it at all".

G. What’s their greatest talent?

Developed mad acting & pokerface skills. He can smile through the most annoying social situations and you wouldn't guess he hates every single second of it. If he actively wants to give you that impression, that is. Sometimes he just doesn't bother.

H. Where is their favourite place to be?

Not sure if he has a consciously picked favourite place but he's comfortable enough in the small studio room connected to his lab. Made it a decently livable place. It's tiny (very tiny) but that's fine, he doesn't need much space. It's a place of peace and quiet, and that's what matters.

I. What makes them feel safe?

Good question! Next question.

J. What is their greatest weakness?

He's a coward who resigned himself to a life in a corrupt, hateful, criminal system. He was target of that very same system's bigotry for ages but he turns a blind eye on it out of fear and a lack of willingness to change anything. He's content being a simple cog in the machine, not caring about what its greater purpose is. is this what Camus calls philosophical suicide

Maybe one day he'll overcome the cowardice to face some difficult truths. Probably not.

K. What is their greatest strength?

If he says he'll get shit done, he gets it done. He's got an incredible amount of perseverance.

Especially in his teenage years this often meant choosing the path of more resistance simply to spite the people who would assume he wouldn't manage certain things. Even if those people would never actually know. He had to at least prove it to himself under the guise of acting out of spite. Is that even a strength anymore or actually a flaw? A strength born from flawed thinking?

L. What is their secrets to happiness?

Don't have anything change, find comfort in living the convenient lie. The illusion of happiness is good enough.

M. How do they handle competition?

If it's the kind of "who wins the monthly nonfatal pool by putting the most life subjects in a vegetative state" small-ego-competition then he simply doesn't care. Not because he has any moral issues with it but because he think it's a waste of time and just distracts from the actual tasks at hand.

If it's "the events in Cantha have put you in a physical and mental state that prevents you from working; and staying away on sick leave for a prolongued amount of time will eventually get you replaced despite decades of dedication" sort of competition then he doesn't handle it well at all. And he doesn't even believe anyone else could do his job better than him. Somehow that actually makes it worse.

N. What are their hidden talents?

Music. Got curious about the general topic in college. And in true spiteful (big fat disclaimer: asshole statement) "Oh you're severely HoH so this is clearly not for you" fashion, he decided this is exactly for him to get invested in. He got really into the theory part especially but also picked up an instrument (undecided which one. the decision has been haunting me for months.) to play.

Later when he met Luqqah they found out it's an interest they have in common so they spent a lot of time just either discussing or analyzing theoretical concepts or actually making some music. Luqqah taught him how to sing over the years! It's something he had wanted to learn well before he met her but very much lacked the confidence to start on his own.

He hasn't lost that passion over all these years, even if he didn't get to share it with anyone in a while. Post-EoD music trio incoming?

O. What motivates them?

In the past: Mostly fear with a good portion of spite.

Now: Mostly habit. Some underlying fears.

P. What advice would they give to their younger self?

If he could look past his own facade he'd likely tell his younger self to keep kindling at least a bit of that spiteful fire he had.

He does sometimes feel like he's lacking more "bite" the older he gets.

Q. Do they have a signature look or fashion?

Always got that eye piece on covering his left eye. You'll not encounter him without it. If you do, something's either wrong or you've somehow invaded into private space.

He spends the majority of his time working which means the majority of the time you'll find him in a labcoat. He also keeps his hair tied up for practical reasons.

His "casual" outfits are still surprisingly formal looking. He wants to leave a decent impression, you know. I'm awful at describing clothes so I'll skip this one until I one day inevitable draw it, but he's big on waistcoats and likes different shades of brown.

R. How tall are they?

Listen friends I'm really bad at understanding the gw2 race heights and putting them in perspective, but I assigned him a confident 98 cm (3'2") which in my world view is somewhere in the average middle. Not super short, not tall.

S. What’s their relationship like with their parents?

Somewhat answered in the family dynamics question. As for his biological parents, he never knew them. His -on paper- legal guardian wasn't much of a parental figure. Did it fuck him up growing up without any real guiding figure to look up to? Sure. Did it take time for him to understand that this is not the normal experience every child has? Unsure if he actually ever fully understood. Rationally he does, but emotionally this is a different matter.

T. What are their favourite foods?

He's really gotten into wasabi.

U. What do they like to do in their spare time?

See the music answer. Also reading an interesting book in a quiet environment is always a good pastime.

V. What’s their biggest pet peeve?

So he's generally really good at keeping his cool but he's got absolutely zero (0) patience for several people talking over each other in the same time. There's a reason he demanded his own lab space when everyone moved over to the CoE.

W. What’s their favourite sport?

If dancing is considered a sport (I believe it is?) Petthri might eventually get him to be interested enough as a spectactor. Let that be a future arc.

Otherwise literally no interest in any at all.

X. What’s their biggest fear?

Death. And I don't mean it in a 'most people find thinking about their own mortality uncomfortable' way, I mean it in a seriously phobic way. It keeps him up at night. He's had numerous seriously bad panic attacks over it. Based important decisions on it.

There was a time of his life it got somewhat better but it's catching up to him again recently.

Y. What physical object do they value most?

Whatever omious instrument I'll decide on that he owns will probably be valuable to him. I have no idea otherwise.

Z. What’s their relationship status?

Officially single (and it will stay that way). Unofficially complicated.

For the really curious: I suppose their current relationship is best described as "friends with benefits". No they have not kissed yet. I'm gonna first have to figure out when and how and why and if at all and

That said I have this shitpost scene-that'll-never-happen in my head of Luqqah meeting Lahpp and Petthri during the whole EoD disaster and in a moment of quiet she and Lahpp sit together. And she looks him in the eyes and goes "So are you two boyfriends?" And before he can even try to defend himself she continues "You break up with me because you figure out you're gay. And then you're gay for that?" Poor Petthri.

[gon-and-killuas-mother]

i can't find the read more button on mobile so heads up, i'm rambling about sad personal things

i don't know why i keep getting surprised when Graham talks about the girl he's interested in. like. he very clearly told me he doesn't feel the same way for me as i do for him, and i've tried to accept that

except. a small part of me refuses. every time i remember his "I don't feel the same way" that part screams "YES YOU DO"

i think, in my defense, there have been some mixed messages. i highly doubt he did so intentionally, but it's been months of spending 75% of my time with him, and him showing genuine interest in whatever i was talking about, and giving me gifts bc that's how shows affection (it just happened to be my primary love language) and him always making sure i was fed regardless of my dietary restrictions, so of course i fell for him. how could i not??

the mixed messages though came after the gentle rejection, when he wanted to play Monster Prom, a multiplayer DATING SIM, on VALENTINE'S DAY. where we read the lines to each other, many of which were sappy.

so i don't think i can be faulted for letting a little hope back in, even though i tried to keep it down and contained.

still sucks to be hanging out with him and then asked to leave bc he has plans to watch a show over discord with the Other Girl, we'll call her Catie

i'd had the small and dangerous thought that Catie wouldn't be romantically interested in him. they've been friends for ten years, and she hadn't shown any interest before. but he believes he might have a chance now that she's single again and has moved back in town.

even before this whole Feelings for Boy started, and before i realized he was into Catie, she'd always made me a little uncomfortable. i had no reason to dislike her! and many people i trust have said she's an amazing person. but something about her unsettled me and idk if i can figure that one out

except for when she was kinda hitting on me??? in front of Graham??? like touching me and pressing up against me and whatnot. and Graham apparently didn't think anything of it, so maybe she's just like that. i am as opposite of physically affectionate as possible so that probably made a weird situation even weirder.

i'm rambling now. but i'm really frustrated that i will likely have to deal with the emotional sucker punches whenever he talks about Catie. idk if i can. i broke down last night after getting booted for her, how am i gonna handle it if they actually start dating??

how much of this can i tell him? if i have to take time and space away from him just to be able to move on, can i at least tell him how much he means to me? how cared for he made me feel?

i'm also just. frustrated bc i know he's one-of-a-kind. there's other guys in the world that could love me, yes, but what's the likelihood i'm gonna find another sweetheart who cooks for me and gives me gifts and shares hyperfixations with me???

sigh

i'll move on, eventually. it's not gonna hurt as bad one day. i'm just. tired of being the runner-up i guess

[milfbrainrot]

bloomington thoughts

it took me like 8 years to watch this both because i just didn't have a place to and because i heard, that this professor/student film, portrayed a too-toxic relationship lmfao. honestly glad it was a little spicy. compared to how loving annabelle led up to the girls getting together in the end it is interesting to see this film start that way and then have the relationship deteriorate.

not a great film overall lol but anything femslash age gap does feel a bit like home to me so i think i liked it more than others may have. the dialogue was sometimes kinda stuff and the camera choices were odd at times but the writing clearly had... some intention to it beyond surface level sex appeal, even if the structure felt messy.

i like that they set up jackie having an absent mother and catherine having dead parents. both of them had to grow up too fast and it seems like both of them have experience with women already. unsure of jackie's experience with mark was parental or some hint to her going for authority figures since she and catherine did pick up REALLY fast. there were some other interesting little cues about the psychology of their relationship like catherine reaching over to cut jackie's food, passed off probably bc cath was the one with a knife lol, and bathing jackie but i thought it was all a fun nod to mommy issues. no idea where the porcupine nickname came from tho.

i liked the whole thing about if jackie was special compared to her other students and catherine actually saying she loves her while she was asleep. like the plane thing was thoughtful and something only someone like jackie could do. catherine doesn't have family to visit for christmas so it's probably the same for birthdays but jackie made hers special!

i guess that's the problem. with past students, who she was probably using for company bc she is such a lonely person (even though that other prof is her dad's friend? you'd think he would invite her for holidays) and some kind of thrill, she actually fell for jackie. the spotlight on jackie meant they never could go public with their relationship, and they weren't ever going to be able to bc the power dynamic which jackie didn't seem to understand, hence their fight. it got too serious, especially from catherine's side.

i got some manipulative vibes from her, only supporting jackie going to audition once she heard there were others auditioning for the film so there was a chance that jackie wouldn't get the part. the psychology stuff has a lot to pull from too, psychoanalyzing jackie. but really... not as much manipulation as i was expecting!

i am rly surprised that the situation ruined catherine more than it ruined jackie. i feel like i expected it to be the other way around but catherine got so attached. i feel bad about it lol like she was the one doing something wrong, but it made me really want better for her.

i noticed that jackie seems to have had a journey to independence throughout the film? maybe supposed to be an inverse of catherine breaking down and losing everything? jackie starting at the laundry room fucking up the detergent to ending doing just fine. college helped shape her into a functional adult who can maybe have a better experience with acting going forward. she says that, despite the issues with her mom, she was happy on set! and she wasn't treated very well by her peers at college. and she learned a lot from catherine to use going forward about how to give people the perception of you you want them to have.

she kinda gets to power trip a tad with her fame which is a challenge for catherine i think. catherine is used to being in charge but now jackie is the center of attention and catherine is pushed to the side rather than being her whole world like she's probably used to. she's used to making students feel special with her attention but now jackie is getting attention from literally everyone else and catherine can't be part of that.

i am guessing the paparazzi thing was bc of jackie's fame resurgence or bc that student she fought maybe tipped them off? im also surprised no one at interviews asked her about her relationship with catherine but maybe focus was on film publicity so it had to be positive.

sidenote the scene where catherine came home and jackie's on the couch and she doesn't even explain it to the guy she brought home was so funny. "yeah it's that girl from that tv show" THAT DOESN'T ANSWER WHY SHE'S ON UR COUCH!!!!

the public library sex thing was also wild like girl i know that prof is gonna cover for you as long as there's no evidence but are there no cameras??? i feel like my schools had cameras even in 2010.

the neptune roleplay while fucking catherine was. so much.

idk what was going on with jackie and her mom, like it seemed like someone at the house saw catherine hug jackie outside. and jackie did have a good confrontation with her mom so... her mom offering to set up utilities for her at the end and if she wanted a bigger apartment (maybe so her mom could move in?) was maybe supposed to show her mom trying to step up more than she ever did in the past but idk i didn't get much from it.

idk i wasn't paying a ton of attention honestly. i think jackie should've honestly understood why they couldn't go public more than she was shown to. she even said she'd fucked another girl but she couldn't say who bc it was another tv star. she's no stranger to secrecy bc public perception can ruin lives. and there wasn't even a sexuality concern or anything either from her? she was naive, and i guess that's fine bc she's so young, but i think she should've understood it more so the conflict could feel more earned.

wild that catherine was allowed to continue at the college til the end of the semester but ig there was no proof of anything sexual (discounting the library scene?!?!!) so it was fine??? i didn't rly feel like they ever resolved anything though! i guess she and jackie cooled down and got to say goodbye and end on a good note but some choices just felt random. cool to see her little breakdown in front of the class after everyone realized she was fucking jackie i think? but what are the consequences for her and jackie communicatively? they rly just picked up fine. i expected jackie to return to the school at the end and take stats and ask catherine for the textbook she'd mentioned to show they're going to continue or something?

idk i just don't get the Point. i guess jackie became more independent and catherine got caught but that's... not what i rly felt was necessary for either of them. jackie has always been independent, she needed to have someone to rely on where she couldn't rely on her mom, and catherine is alone and desperate and wants to feel in control and important and i'm rooting for her bc she's so sympathetic so let her have her secret power dynamic over a famous actress. the risks are way increased but you'd think having something secret and special like that would be something to get off to more than wanting to be paraded around.

also kinda rubbed me the wrong way they were both implied to end off with men when... literally bisexuality is fine but the messaging feels odd? the issue is the age gap but they never talked about sexuality as a problem even though it was 2010, but kinda implied it to be through this maybe? or maybe they ended with people closer in age to them so that's the messaging? either way i'm not sure how i feel about any of that.

maybe that theme about not letting people guess and fill in the gaps is something? there started off w all these rumors about catherine but at the end it became clear some of those rumors were right? she had power in the rumor of it but now it's all revealed she's lost that power, vs. jackie having no power but learning to present herself in a self assured clear way and gaining power from that? maybe it's not at all about power which kinda misses why these kinda of relationships are fun j;laldjsfd.

i rly just need to rewatch honestly and i think i'm willing to.

[thedreadvampy]

Like and btw I'm not talking about Anyone Who Dislikes The Story or Anyone Who Dislikes Gaiman As A Writer because I think 'no I don't like this and here's why' is a valid response to any piece of art.

(and as I say I also don't like that story. although I won't get into it as often bc like I say my beef is more aesthetic than political or moral - I think it's trite, shallow and edgy for the sake of edgy in a really adolescent way and I think the inclusion of rape and incest and a sexually predatory child are part of that shallow edginess. I don't think it says anything interesting about the original story or about the world other than 'hey if that happened wouldn't that be fucked up?')

but I'm talking about people who are like of COURSE Gaiman Bad, simply google the plot of this story.

which happens a lot. online. "of course X artist is problematic just Google a summary of a thing they made and see that it contains rape/abuse/incest/transphobia/racism/whatever"

and like here's the thing. if googling a story tells you everything you need to know about it, that's a bad story for reasons other than its contents, right?

especially when it comes to transgressive, taboo, or discomforting types of art

everyone is going to draw the line in different places but some of the most affecting stories I've read in my life sound horrendous in summary. what's ok to write about? rape? CSA? abuse? abortion? sex? bigotry? self-hatred? etc

and this isn't like an All Writing Is Morally Neutral argument. there's a huge difference between a story about how cool and rad violent sexual assault is vs one that's about how devastating it is. but that's not necessarily obvious in summary, and indeed different people might take opposite meanings from it. a lot of the most effective stories about the horror of human cruelty produce that horror by on some level putting the reader in the shoes of the perpetrator.

you know, it's cliche but Nabokov, right? Lolita is a total indictment of pedophilia, but it does that by talking entirely from the perspective of a pedophile and expecting the audience to fill in the spaces where he elides or recategorises details or places blame on the child.

and yeah the thing about that is that a lot of people do misread works like Lolita. and a lot of people bounce off Nabokov because of his interest in exploring grotesque behaviour. but writing Lolita doesn't mean Nabokov is a child abuser, and the differences between Lolita and a work which entirely agrees with child abuse aren't necessarily obvious in a summary or a description of the book.

like if you're going to criticise the text, criticise the text, not the summary of it on Wikipedia. because idk like a lot of the artwork that's helped me feel seen and understood and helped me heal as a survivor of the traumas it depicts has been approached from the perspective of the Bad Messaging About It. because engaging with that head on, reflecting back that harm and pointing out the ways it's pathetic or grotesque or useless, gives us a chance to chew on it. like. it's different for everyone but for me there's works which produce the equivalent of hearing yourself say something really fucked up in therapy and rewinding and going oh. what's that about where does that come from? that's fucked up.

and that's not to say that all depictions of fucked up mindsets do that. but it's pretty hard to make a blanket statement about what's acceptable or unacceptable to write about without writing off pretty much all of that type of discomforting fiction.

and again that's not what I think Snow, Glass, Apples is. definitely not for me. I don't think Gaiman's intended message is 'child abuse is the child's fault' but I also don't think Gaiman's intended message is anything but OOOOOH ISN'T IT FUCKED UP AND EDGY? combined with What If The Story Wasn't What You Think which is like 60% of his oeuvre and can get pretty samey tbh.

but I think the tone of a lot of people being like GAIMAN IS THE DEVIL LOOK AT THIS SUMMARY OF A STORY HE WROTE 20 YEARS AGO is uhhhh. it's reflective of a specific way of engaging with art which I do not like. it's all this long ramble is saying.

btw about Neil Gaiman I periodically agree with the 'Neil Gaiman is annoying' stuff bc I feel like both he and Amanda Palmer seem like people who I would go insane stuck in a room with bc we have very different ideas about art and suchlike. and I also do think that the career trajectory he's on lately is cynically redoing his greatest hits and pretending that was the dream all along when it clearly was not. which is at best meh.

having said which

as far as I can tell by far the most common complaint about Neil Gaiman is "Snow, Glass, Apples is problematic/gross/it's got incest and rape and frames the child as the aggressor"

which strikes me as a weird complaint to pull out of a 40 year body of work tbh when that short story is pretty clearly coming from a place of 'how far can I push this'. like you don't have to like the story. I don't really like the story. but it is. a horror story.

like and this is the thing with particularly 90s alt horror right? a lot of the interest is in transgression and sitting in the worst possible perspective and seeing what happens if you pull those strings. like I really like Clive Barker for example but there's a good chunk of his short stories that I'm like I'm not picking up what you're putting down Clive this seems Kinda Off. but that willingness to write some trite or Bad Message horror fiction that doesn't land is imo a side effect of being willing to try writing uncomfortable and unpleasant fiction at all. which is what horror is for, among other things, it's for creating discomfort as a form of catharsis or engagement.

like I am not a huge fan of the type of sex-horror that pops up in a lot of Gaiman's work and other contemporary horror writers - to me I don't find it upsetting or horny it just ends up feeling kind of edgy and tryhard - but I'm also a bit like. it does seem like a lot of people's beef with Neil Gaiman is that In The 90s He Was A Horror Writer

and this approach to Problematic Horror in Snow, Glass, Apples I find kind of microcosmic of how The Discourse often approaches art in this kind of 1:1 way. if you write a story which seems to line up with rape apologia it can only be because you agree with it. if you write a story about transphobia you're a transphobe. if you write a story that makes me genuinely uncomfortable you're attacking me.

but artwork, especially art like horror that's not necessarily trying to provoke enjoyment as its main response, is necessarily hit and miss. and if what you're shooting for is discomfort then whether it works, falls flat or goes too far incredibly depends on your audience. and making good art - as in art that makes its audience think, art that opens the audience up to discomfort and catharsis and sticks with them and changes them - requires the space to experiment and tbh the space to fuck up. like they aren't all going to be winners and they certainly aren't all going to work for you as a singular audience.

personally I don't see the appeal of Snow, Glass, Apples, less cause it's nasty and more cause it's hack. ooh an edgy monstrous version of a fairy tale where there's lots of rape and cannibalism? you're soooo original Neil. but like. that's fine. I don't really vibe with like 70% of Neil Gaiman stuff I've read but I still like Neil Gaiman because the stuff that works for me really works for me.

idk I think there's a lot of folk on this website who shouldn't interact with horror cause they clearly aren't interested in being horrified. that's not everyone who dislikes Snow, Glass, Apples, but it's a real undercurrent to a lot of the criticism and tbh this kinda vibe is shit for art. making standout art What Is Good also requires being ready to make art which stands out for the wrong reasons. sometimes they'll be the same art to different people.