#is javert good in bed?

[for-the-love-of-javert]

Depends on which version of Javert.

I bet these 3 are beasts in bed with the right person and a bit of encouragement.

CroweVert was a bit of a wet blanket imo

JAVERT. FROM LES MISERABLES.

Please reblog for a larger sample size.

[lenievi]

Looking at the Medal of Honour on his nightstand, Javert felt a hollow emptiness.

There was a time, once, when he could feel pride in his achievements.

Looking at the medal, he could think only of his failure to catch that man, of denied pleasure, of denied peace.

There was a time, once, when he dreamt of gaining respect and recognition. 

Now, the thoughts and memories of that man devoured him, haunted his waking hours and dreams, stole his sleep. And as long as that man evaded chains, Javert would never be free.

-

He should have never received the medal.

[dangermousie]

Now, we all love noble and heroic good guys. But sometimes, in the safe confines of fiction, nothing is as fun as a really trash man. Here is a description of our trash contestants:

Shen Yurong, The Double

Pros: really good at exams, flute playing and being a murderous sub.

Cons: terrible at wife murder (tho perhaps that's a plus?), moral backbone of a sponge, sis and mom would make bad in laws.

Murong Xuanlie, Kill Me Love Me

Pros: looks really good with hair loose, big on women having careers outside the home, devoted to one woman only, great kisser.

Cons: murdered 100K+ people, wants to be a fratricide, gaslight girlboss gatekeep is his motto.

Second Prince, Joy of Life 2

Pros: swing in the middle of his house, likes chess and fruit, funny.

Cons: can't decide if he wants to fuck or fuck over Fan Xian; indecisiveness is not sexy in a man.

Di Lin, Eternal Brotherhood

Pros: loving husband, great friend, victorious general, makes toys for his unborn kids.

Cons: royal executioner who puts cities and armies and families to the sword, the soap and water bills for all that blood will be huge.

Hei Long, Burning Flames

Pros: a definite style trend setter, walks barefoot everywhere thus saving money on footwear, devoted to his lover.

Cons: like the way eviler version of Zeus; only hobby appears to be enslaving humans which can get boring after a while.

Wei Zhao, Love of Nirvana

Pros: Hot, sword dance skills, you will have no in-laws.

Cons: love language appears to be choking, poisoning and stabbing.

Ruo Wen, Love in the Desert

Pros: a really good time, very few shirts, knows what to do in bed, has his own banging theme song.

Cons: murdering bandit with limited notions of consent; plus his gf will prolly stab you.

Yang Kang, The Legend of Heroes

Pros: really sexy about his daddy and mommy issues, that hair!

Cons: his murder happy identity crisis requires serious therapy he can't afford

Lu Jiaxue, The Rise of Ning

Pros: he's already got your wedding chamber, jewelry, dolls and accessories ready - perfect for a lady who doesn't like housework

Cons: chokes women like he's in a mini.

Cang Xuan, Lost You Forever 2

Pros: smart, devoted, royal, breaks down beautifully

Cons: many other wives, can feed your hands to maggots or kill your boyfriend, serious cousin kink, character massacred by the writer.

Wang Jia Luo, Heroes (2024)

Pros: can recite reams of poetry, will protect you to the utmost if you are damsel

Cons: if you are not a damsel will murder you and not blink; in fact will murder you for jaywalking as Qing reincarnation of Javert.

Please be aware I excluded MLs from minis because otherwise I could never fit anyone into one poll.

[breadvidence]

adaptation question: how good in bed is each version of javert? (inspired by the recent poll making the rounds)

As I mentioned on Discord: I intended to respond to the poll with an argument for Javert being good in bed & for the sake of comedy rather than sincere belief my plan was an emphatic yes (as much as I want to gnash my teeth over the need for nuance & could make an equally strong case for no & also want to write about how characters who canonically don't fuck have their own value both for aro-ace folks and as an escape from the way erotic-sexual-reproductive drive is treated as a central aspect of being human more generally). Er. So. Thank you for the opportunity to expand my silliness to multiple Javerts!

(As an aside, I will normally refer to a particular adaptation by the actor's name, but will not be doing that in the context of screwing, regardless of several of these actors being very dead.)

The Brick: Quel délice que cet étouffement! Brick Javert might die having lived a "life of privation, isolation, abnegation, chastity, with never a diversion", but what he lacks in experience with your standard use of the equipment, he makes up for in a fine understanding of the erotics of voyeurism, delayed satisfaction, and—of course—discipline. Further, you might catch some sass, but he'll hold still while you tie him up to make sure the ropework is just right when you're done, and after a lifetime of licking boots you can bet he's gonna work through that cramp in his jaw. 10/10, suggest any local DILFs needing a hobby fish him out of the river before he drowns and see whether that perfectionist need to put things in their place can be turned to more recreational ends than the horrific policing of society's unjust structure.

'25: As ever, '25 follows in the Brick's footsteps. It's clear from his self-satisfaction that this Javert is in the know on how closely fear and arousal come to each other. Despite being about as likely to have fucked in the conventional sense as his Brick counterpart, do we really think it matters? We could talk about how Javert's surveillance forces Valjean/Madeleine into an exhibitionistic display of Authority and Javert's desires related thereto, but I'll calm down some instead. 10/10 for accuracy to the original combined with that narrow chance he's got some experience under his belt.

'34: '34 predicts 2012. Less imposing, uncomfortable, he's probably not gonna strangle you, but—other possibilities open, with all that hyperfocus still on hand. Bonus! Great communication skills, will write you very plainly worded notes about what's up. 10/10 for negotiation skills.

'35: Wow, I sure did corner myself into imagining Laughton fucking. Admittedly, "regulations—good, bad, and indifferent—must be carried out to the letter" strikes me as one of the least sexy statements possible (both as an interpretation of Javert's character and in the erotic sense), but may I propose: that vibrating, dampness, and the established trait of Javert as a tease combine to—some kind of positive effect. Ragdoll physics have exciting potential. 9/10, one point removed for willingness to be indifferent.

'58: Is it bad? is it good? you don't remember. 10/10, what a fascinating and novel adventure of Men in Black style forgetfulness to have gone on.

'72: Does his partner feel like a specimen under the microscope? Maybe, but there's a certain magnetism at play. Any Javert's sexual prowess is most easily derived from his interactions with the Valjean he plays opposite, so '72's catastrophically bad depiction of M-sur-M rather curtails my assessment here, but this Javert's intensity and focus point towards intriguing possibilities. He is among the Javerts on this list who seem like they might have gone to bed with a person, an assessment I am making based purely on vibes. 10/10, close enough to canon Javert to hit the above-mentioned potential combined with an air of not being a virgin.

'78: The Javert on this list who has, without a doubt, absolutely fucked. The looks he gives Valjean alone qualify. Also the Javert who I will admit has a 0/10 bedability rating—if the partner in question is a woman. 10/10 in a homosexual context. The kind of man a dear friend of mine calls Little Lord Fauntleroys, this Javert approaches sex with a stiff dignity that might make the uninitiated worry about inhibitions and cold fish, but which actually indicates a deep store of freak-ass ideas and a willingness to, shall we say, experiment (if you can find anything he hasn't already tried).

'98: Built-in lube via hair grease. 10/10 for convenience.

2000: While I have not yet finished this adaptation, I can speak to the bedroom skills of this Javert through his time in M-sur-M. Methodical, attentive, tired but game to persist. 2000 Javert would admittedly rather be napping, but even when faced with an indifferent partner he maintains the pitch of bizarre intensity that is at the root of a Javert's erotic potential. 9/10, point docked for the regrettable impact of fatigue (maybe he should get his vitamin D levels checked?).

2007: He's got anime physics. 10/10

2012: Who'm I to argue against fandom? Crowevert fucks well. Is it despite being a virgin? Is it because he's a virgin? Virginity definitely plays a role of some kind, and Victor Hugo would approve. In stark contrast to other iterations of the character, Crowevert's need to submit himself to a greater authority is expressed as a soft-edged vulnerability rather than rabid intensity, and the resulting sweetness almost makes me blush. Let's draw the curtains and let them be. 10/10, all details can be found in 90% of the AO3 Javert/Jean Valjean tag.

2018: This Javert almost certainly fucked, and if we may draw on what's been communicated by the creator outside the show itself, it was unsatisfactory, the skill all on the part of the professional he paid for the service. Who'm I to argue with that? 1/10, one point added for the transformative work detailing his erotic potential.

[javussyannihilator]

soft late night valvert cuddles where valjean murmurs javert to sleep, telling him how much he loves him. javert sleepily protesting until they’re bickering over who loves who more when they’re literally more asleep than awake. 

valjean drowsily listing the things he loves most about javert, and he starts off with some obvious examples, you know—javert is so resilient and has a good heart and he’s so good to valjean and he works so tirelessly it amazes valjean and and and… 

but the sleepier he gets the more valjean is muttering like, the way javert holds his spoon at dinner or the particular way he drinks his tea or the fact his feet are too cold in bed and it should be annoying but valjean just enjoys the reminder that he always has javert next to him. 

valjean rolling over to pull javert even closer against him and hold him a little too tightly and javert snuggling comfortably even though it probably wouldn’t be for anyone else and valjean’s list of things he loves about javert is currently on his little whistle-y snores and javert tries to say he does Not snore but he’s asleep already by that point. 

valjean’s heart just sort of aching and full and he holds javert just that much tighter and nuzzles into the back of his neck and falls asleep, too.

[cliozaur]

- It’s one of the most heartbreaking chapters. Poor little Éponine. Hugo goes on and on, describing her unhealthy appearance, ragged chemise and petticoat, and the premature aging that poverty forced upon her, almost robbing her of her innocence. Just when you think he is done, he comes up with new depressing details, like this: “She entered resolutely, staring, with a sort of assurance that made the heart bleed, at the whole room and the unmade bed.” The numerous hints that her father prostitutes her are just… unbearable. It’s difficult to comprehend how Hugo can simultaneously sympathize with her and dehumanize her in such a hideous way! Just look at this: “a species of impure and innocent monsters produced by misery.”

- Even worse is the part where we learn that she is literate (she reads well and can even write - in Fantine's case, these would have been lifesaving skills), but literacy doesn't add anything to girl’s chances in life! It’s striking contrast to Marius, whose education allowed him to earn his living. I like that we are reminded that she is Gavroche’s sister, and he takes her to the theatre! It seems that this entire family (including their abominable father) has a soft spot for theatre and plays!

- Her speech about sleeping in the ditches, suicidal thoughts, and hallucinations due to hunger is so sincere and heart-wrenching. And it also evokes some vibes of Javert ("When I thought of drowning myself, I said to myself: ‘No, it’s too cold’" and “The stars are like the lamps in illuminations, one would say that they smoked and that the wind blew them out” – but this last reference is more fitting for the musical version of Javert).

- As for Marius, he was not as bad when interacting with her. Although all the things Hugo said about Éponine (nice and ugly) are supposedly Marius’ observations, he was quite polite (calling her “Mademoiselle,” and not reprimanding her) and generous. And it’s also good to know that Marius figured out that his neighbour, “Jondrette,” is a swindler.

[nortism]

Nor's Les Mis Fic Recommendations

I've been scouring les mis ao3 for a few months now so here are my fav fics I've found. I've tried my best to tag tumblrs where I can but let me know if you are the author of any of these and I'll tag you!

Three Days (or The One Where Javert and Valjean Take a Road Trip Through France and Raise a Child) by zamwessel

Rating: E

Ships: Javert/Jean Valjean

Summary:

Javert calls what he thinks is Valjean's bluff about needing three days to find the child Cosette and intercede for her. The Inspector comes along for the ride -- and gets much more than he bargained for, in the process.

Notes: First Les Mis fic I ever read and its an absolute banger. It's pretty much exactly what it says on the tin and I'm a sucker for a kid fic so I absolutely adored it.

A Change of Bizarre Kind by M_Moonshade

Rating: E

Ships: Javert/Jean Valjean

Summary:

Six months ago, Doctor Henry Jekyll sought to escape the dramatics of London by coming to M-sur-M. Tonight his murderer pays a visit to the Mayor Madeline. (Being the Curious Case of Inspector Javert and Mister Hyde)

Notes: Criminally underrated. Jekyll and Hyde AU but I went in knowing very little about that book and I could understand what was going on. Each chapter contains bits from the past and present day until the timelines eventually add up which makes the main mystery all the more compelling. Also Fantine is alive and well which is always nice.

Our Souls Still in Fetters by Cinaed

Rating: E

Ships: Javert/Jean Valjean

Summary:

After Javert is assigned to discover a blackmailer within a public-house that caters to men who prefer other men, Valjean is unexpectedly drawn into the case. Together they must stop the blackmailer before any lives can be ruined...including their own.

Notes: This author has so many great Valvert fics but this one is probably my favourite. There's the classic "undercover as a couple" trope as well as old timey gay bars. Also a huge fan of how this author portrays Cosette and Valjean's relationship.

In Defiance of all Geometry by idiopathicsmile

Rating: T

Ships: Combeferre/Enjolras/Grantaire

Summary:

Amis House might not be the biggest student co-op, or the fanciest, but it's got something all its own. Specifically, smoke damage on the kitchen ceiling from that time Courfeyrac lit a political pamphlet on fire. In which there are secrets, pining, pancakes, and revelations, and sometimes the shortest distance between three points is not a triangle but a circle.

Notes: I love a good poly fic and this is one of the best. Also just a generally fun and wholesome friendship fic. Definitely a nice comforting read after all the old man angst I've got on here.

Gimme Gimme Gimme (A Man After Midnight) by Need_To_Comment_Rising (@aromantic-enjolras)

Rating: T

Ships: Courfeyrac/Enjolras, Combeferre/Courfeyrac (Its complicated)

Summary:

Enjolras takes a swig of his drink with everyone else, and then smirks at Courfeyrac over the rim of his glass. "You didn't seem to mind much me being bossy yesterday night when I had you in my bed..." At his side, Grantaire chokes on his drink and starts coughing. But how did we get here, you might ask? Well, let’s rewind. ------- Enjolras and Courfeyrac have had a friends with benefits arrangement for a while. But when Coureyrac starts dating Combeferre, Enjolras is left with the question of where he fits in the new status quo...

Notes: Another poly fic with aromantic!Enjolras. I love fics with unconventional relationship dynamics as well as people actually communciating with each other (though not before there's been some hijinks ofc). Criminally underrated.

How Marius (Painstakingly) Won the Hand of Mlle. Fauchelevent by writingsyrup (@syrupsyche)

Rating: G

Ships: Cosette/Marius

Summary:

When setting out to woo his beloved Cosette, Marius had never imagined that it would bring him to this: sitting at a dining table next to her grim-faced father, and staring at the marble that was Enjolras picking at his peas. Or; Enjolras and Cosette are siblings in 19th century France. Marius has to deal with the consequences of this.

Notes: Probably the best Marius characterisation I've ever read, he's just so awkward and weird bless him. I love a good awkward "meeting the parents" and this filled that hole in my heart. Is part of a wider series but can be read as a standalone.

Omnia mutantur, nihil interit by Apathy and saltedpin

Rating: M

Ships: Javert/Jean Valjean, Cosette/Marius Pontmercy

Summary:

Valjean's panting breath does not belong to him. He scrambles out of the bed and stumbles on too-light feet to the mirror in the corner, although he already knows what he will see. Peering back at him from behind a curtain of dark hair, wide-eyed, is Éponine Thénardier. Jean Valjean awakens one morning from uneasy dreams to find that something quite unexpected has happened during the night.

Notes: Cosette and Javert get bodyswapped and Marius is weirdly into it, if that's not enough to convince you to read this fic then idk how to help you. Not normally a huge body swap fan but this was absolutely hilarious as well as having some genuinely sweet moments. Also Theodule is there which means something to some people.

It's Not the Same Anymore by ShameDumpster (@shamedumpster)

Rating: T

Ships: Enjolras/Grantaire

Summary:

Grantaire is a bookstore clerk in his late twenties, and to everyone’s eternal disbelief, a father. It’s been years since he’s seen anyone from his former group of friends, after a falling out cleaved him from the ABC, but everything changes when Enjolras walks into his bookstore. Can they rekindle their friendship, or something more, while they both come to terms with how their lives have changed over the past decade?

Notes: SO SO GOODDD!! Top tier slowburn kid fic, I could wax poetic about it for days. Had me gripped from start to finish.

Acts of Mercy by cruisedirector and Dementordelta

Rating: M

Ships: Javert/Jean Valjean

Summary:

After witnessing and reporting a murder, Javert is dismissed from the police and takes a job protecting the women in a brothel, where many of his long-held ideas about justice are challenged.

Notes: Breaking, man from the 1800s finds out that life for women is hard. Such a solid redemption arc fic with some really memorable ocs.

Lynx's Claws and Wolf's Mane by Kaleran

Rating: T

Ships: None

Summary:

When he is older, when he is a prison guard, he thinks back to his childhood and realizes he had been considerably fortunate. "Prison is no place for a girl like you," his mother told him often, usually fussing with what rags they could use for clothing. "Forgive me for this, draga mea." And so, instead of a daughter, she pretended to have a son.

Notes: Completely canon compliant except Javert is trans and the impact that has on the story really adds an extra layer to his character that I find really compelling. Warning, it is very depressing bc canon.

[wanderinghedgehog]

Time to finally relay my thoughts on the Les Mis I saw August 3rd, 2024.

Keep in mind, I went into this as someone who wanted to get my mother and brother to like this story. Also, I’ve seen a million and one recordings, so I know the show pretty well already and am aware of my preferences concerning it.

Act 1

Intro was so good. I like the boat format for the prisoners. It gives the actors something to do and is good and clear tonally.

This Javert did not make a strong first impression. He seemed extremely muted idk.

So I’m not a Nick Cartell fan. I’m sorry. I just don’t like him that much. I might be able to explain why at some point.

The lighting was amazing in these opening scenes.

The bishop had such a nice voice. I always love the bishop.

Valjean went nuts with the “took my fliiiiiiiiight”

Oh I forgot to mention that all of the house lights hadn’t turned off yet. It was a little weird. They eventually got turned off either before or after Valjean’s Soliloquy.

Speaking of the Soliloquy, I’ve heard a recording of this actor singing this song before and it definitely sounds better in person. Better, but still not my favorite. Nick Cartell has a tendency to stray from the melody for acting purposes in a way that I’m not a fan of.

Also, this version had Petit Gervais. It was weird. And distracting. And disjointed. I didn’t like it.

I love a good ensemble number, so at the end of the day was great. Also, the transition from the crowd to the factory was so smooth.

I remember the foreman I think had a line that changed from the original that I was kinda confused about. Overall, I think this was a thing with both at the end of the day and lovely ladies. Like there were a handful of words that were switched and I didn’t understand why.

This Fantine was quite good. Like I’m glad this was the Fantine that I saw with my mom and brother. Solid performance.

This Bamatabois was odd. I think he was too much of a caricature.

Once again, Javert is quite subdued. Intimidating, sure. But not all that interesting otherwise. No swagger.

The staging of Fantine’s Arrest felt just a little busy, but that’s really a nitpick.

When did they cut part of Fauchelevent’s line in Runaway Cart?

So I really listen for how an actors says the line “forgive me sir I would not dare.” This was fine. Nothing special.

I will say that I liked Nick Cartell’s version of Who Am I.

Fantine’s death was so sad. I prefer versions like this where they don’t have her get out of bed. It’s simpler and it gets across her weakened state a little better, I think.

Confrontation was amazing. This Javert was really starting to prove himself here. It’s like the actor just started having fun with it.

This little Cosette was absolutely adorable. I’m not usually a fan of Castle On A Cloud, but this was great.

This production had a good Thenardier couple. Their comedic timing was great. This is not to discredit the amazing job that they did, but I’m not a huge fan of the Thenardiers. My family liked them a lot though, so they were definitely very funny.

So Look Down was a success because my family immediately liked Gavroche. As they should. My brother said that that the Look Down melody was one of his favorites.

Now I think it’s good to mention that this version didn’t have the time skip projections. Like those things that tell you what year it is. None to be seen. It confused my family. I was cool with explaining it though.

My brother found Marius annoying. +1 sibling point. We can make fun of Marius now. (to be clear, the actor was very good)

This Eponine was pretty cool, but my mom pointed something out that I think is worth mentioning. She’s not lit very well. My eyesight is shit, so I’m trusting my mom when she said that it was impossible to see the actor’s face.

This Cosette is so adorable. Like everything about her so sweet. In love with her.

This scene had an interesting set design that I don’t know if I’ve seen before. It looked a little more slanted than usual. It was cool though.

The beginning of Javert’s Intervention got a laugh, so that was good. He really leaned into the drama more than before.

During Javert’s Intervention, I tend to find Thenardier’s part a little overwrought and distracting. Unfortunately, this was one of those cases. My brother liked it though.

Javert kinda went back to being subdued for Stars. Actually no. He brought some energy for “and so it must BE”

Les Amis in this production were fantastic. My mom really liked Red and Black apparently.

This Enjolras had a weird fluttery vibrato that I’m kinda obsessed with.

Kyle Adams’ performance as Grantaire was magical. I don’t know if I can point out specific moments, but it was fantastic.

I am once again in love with Cosette.

Neither my mother nor brother were fans of the romance aspect of the story. I don’t blame them.

That said, the harmony at the end of heart full of love was angelic.

One Day More is always a showstopper. No notes.

Actually, I will mention that Javert hasn’t changed costumes yet. We don’t get to see his disguise til the second act. I kinda like that because, if you don’t recognize him immediately at the barricade, it makes the reveal later kinda fun to watch.

Oops turns out I’ll have to post this in two parts

[very-serendipitous]

Les Miserables is, at it's very core, a love story.

Sure there's Cosette and Marius but there are so many more stories of love being told with theirs.

Jean Valjean loved his sister and her child so much, he risked his life and freedom to feed them. Then risked it again and again trying to get back to them.

The bishop Myriel loved humanity so much he gave up every penny he could for his people. He gave up his big house to use for hospital beds. He risked his safety to show Jean love. He gave him everything he could to show him the good in the world because Myriel had so much love and compassion for people. He didn't try to convince Jean to stay. He knew he needed his freedom to become a better man.

Fantine loved her child so much that she gave away pieces of herself (hair, teeth, comfort, safety) to keep her alive.

Jean turned his entire life into protecting Cosette when he couldn't save Fantine. That's love.

Even Thenardier's love of himself, fame, money, & power and Javerts love of the law count for something.

Gavroche cared for his younger brothers and for the Amis de l'abc. His died for them and for freedom and for his love of tomfoolery.

Eponine loved Marius enough to give him Cosette's letter, knowing that that piece of paper meant more to him than she did. She died protecting him. It's a tragic, one-sided, unhealthy love but it's still love.

And Grantaire??? He is described as a man who believed in nothing. He didn't believe in the revolution, he believed in Enjolras. He stumbled out of a drunken slumber to die hand-in-hand with Enjolras. He died for the revolution, he died for his friends, and he died for Enjolras.

All of the barricade boys did, really. They loved the future they could see for France. They loved hope. They loved the future generations. That's what revolution is. Loving a future that isn't yet visible and doing all that you can to care for and create that dream.

Les mis is a love story. From the ugliest, most rotten forms of love to the most pure and beautiful.

[jelepermets]

Okay but one of the ways I think that the musical really misses the point in Les Mis is in making Fantine's death this very peaceful, angelic thing. Part of the tragedy of her death is how unexpected it was - that had Javert not showed up, maybe she would have survived. Valjean himself accuses Javert of killing her.

After all the Doctor says:

"If by some good fortune the mayor really should come back tomorrow with the child, who knows? Some crises are so strange. We've seen diseases instantly cured by great joy; I know very well that this is an organic disease, and far advanced, but it is all a mystery! Perhaps we will save her!"

And think about how Fantine died. There was nothing peaceful about it. Her last emotions were shock and fear, possibly betrayal. Shock at Valjean's true identity, at the violence with which Javert treats Valjean. Fear that she might be arrested again, that she'll never see her child again. Betrayal that Valjean lied about bringing Cosette back to see Fantine.

Not to mention the visceral way her death is described:

"Fantine sat upright, supporting herself on her rigid arms and hands; she looked at Jean Valjean, then at Javert, and then at the nun; she opened her mouth as if to speak; a guttural sound came from her throat, her teeth clamped shut, she stretched out her arms in anguish, convulsively spreading her fingers, and groping like someone drowning; then suddenly fell back against the pillow.

Her head struck the head of the bed and fell forward on her breast, the mouth gaping, the eyes open and glazed.

She was dead."

I understand why the musical wanted to give Fantine some happiness at the end of her short and tragic life. But I think that Hugo makes an incredibly powerful point by having Fantine's death be as cruel and preventable as her miserable life.

Often the poor do not get to go gentle into that good night. Their deaths are as violent as their lives. They are not even allowed to die peacefully. They are robbed even of that.

[pealeii]

jj I have to tell you something I just saw les miserables for the very first time. it was a high school production and was the high school version and it was absolutely stunning BUT what I came here to say is that. well. yk when fantine is dying and in bed and then Javert shows up and he’s like “valJEAN at LAST we see each other plain”??

well something so cute and cool and awesome (/j) happened with their blocking… when Javert showed up Valjean literally JUMPED up and he quickly went to a small table and pulled out a chair from behind it and he was like. positioning the chair between him and Javert and it was SICKENINGGG/pos to watch. In a thrilling way like I was wondering if he was soso scared of Javert and distancing himself as a defense mechanism or if he was getting ready to throw the chair at him 😭

Well when he’s trying to appeal to Javert like “there is none but me who can intercede” he STEPS IN FRONT OF THE CHAIR like to sort of level with him?? To show he’s not going to throw the chair and that he’s not afraid of Javert??!? only to quickly go back behind it again when Javert starts “you must think me MAD” and I was SO EXCITED FOR CONFRONTATION TO BEGIN because I adore that song and Javert sings “a man such as youuuu” and it’s time and I’m so ready-

and then Javert lunges for Valjean and Valjean like. Fends him off with the chair? And they fight over this chair? AND THEY DONT SING CONFRONTATION AT ALL??!?

it was so so so disconcerting I was so lost. what about you know nothing of javert I was born inside a jail I was born with scum like you I am from the gutter too??!? and it WASNT THERE and I knew it SHOULD have been and AUGH I have. So much to say about this production (this is my only real gripe bc the rest of the show was absolutely fantastic) but idk… I’m still processing this so. sorry this is so long but I wanted to tell someone who knew the show :3

WTFF NOOO 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

BRO I WAS GETTING HYPED UP WHEN YOU WERE JUST DESCRIBING IT WHAT. ALL THAT ENERGY FOR NOTHING

that makes me nervous cuz i might be seeing a hs production of les mis sometime soon 😰😰😰 at least if it does that i’ll be ready

BUT THATS SO COOL THAT YOU GOT TO SEE IT!!!!!!!!!!!! My first time watching les mis was a high school production too (i was but a wee lass but it changed me forever)

I’m glad the rest of it was good 💗💗💗

[expired-applejuice]

Incorrect quotes part 4

Javert: hold the fuck up!

Les Amis: *hugs Grantaire aka their fuck up*

-

Valjean: *shatters a window and climbs through it*

Valjean: *turns around and helps Cosette through it* Breaking and entering is wrong Cosette.

Cosette: Okay.

-

Combeferre, trying to get Enjolras out of bed: Don't make me get the water bucket.

Enjolras: You wouldn't.

Courfeyrac: *walking past dripping wet* Yes, he would.

-

Montparnasse: What if fairies were real?

Jehan: What?

Montparnasse: Faries. What if they were actually real?

Jehan: W-wait...faries aren't r-real?

Montparnasse: Of course they're not-

Jehan: "tearing up*

Montparnasse: HAHAHA TRICKED YOU FARIES ARE REAL JUST KIDDING! Please don't cry I love you

-

Bossuet: You know, I'm starting to regret showing you how that blender works.

Grantaire, drinking toast: Why do you say that?

Courfeyrac: ooh can I have some?

-

Bossuet: COURFEYRAC DID YOU EAT THE COOKIES I MADE

Courfeyrac: there was cookies?!

Bossuet: yes. And you ate them

Courfeyrac: no I didn't

Bossuet: then where are they?

Joly, walking in: *mouth full* these are some good cookies

-

Bahorel: I'm going to bed.

Feuilly: It's noon.

Bahorel: Time isn't real.

-

Enjolras: Grantaire, you risked your life to save me!

Grantaire: And I'd do it again! And perhaps a third time! But that would be it. <3

-

Javert: Alright. Time for a new team-building exercise. We're going to put everything we love into this box.

Montparnasse: Can I put Jehan in the box?

Javert: No.

Courfeyrac: Can I put Jehan in the box?

Javert. No.

Grantaire: Can I-

Javert: No one can put Jehan in the box!!

Enjolras: This is a terrible team-building exercise!

-

Grantaire: So, you like cats?

Enjolras: Yeah, I do. They're cute.

Grantaire: *slowly pushes a glass of the counter*

-

Enjolras: Combeferre, I told you to take out the trash.

Combeferre: Oh, right! Sorry!

Combeferre: Courfeyrac, will you go on a date with me?

Courfeyrac:

-

Combeferre: Okay, I'm going to get the wedding cake.

Courfeyrac: Perfect, while you do that I'll check on the ring bear.

Combeferre: ...

Combeferre: You mean ring bearER, right?

Courfeyrac: ...

Combeferre: Look me in the eyes and tell me you are not going to bring a dangerous wild animal to our wedding.

-

Musichetta: Isn't it amazing what friends learn from one another?

Joly: I learn a lot from Grantaire because he makes so many mistakes.

-

Grantaire: Why were you up yesterday until 3am?

Bahorel: How did you know I was up until 3am?

Feuilly: everyone could hear you clapping to the FRIENDS theme song every 25 minutes.

-

Grantaire: Whoa, you're being a little-

Combeferre, who hasn't slept in 4 days because he was studying: Truculent? Obstreperous? Recalcitrant?

Grantaire: I was gonna say "cray-cray".

-

Courfeyrac: You know you've made it when you see your picture up everywhere you go.

Enjolras: Courfeyrac... Those are our wanted posters.

-

Grantaire: The Ocean is a soup.

Combeferre:

Combeferre: Do elaborate.

Grantaire: What are needed for something to be a soup?

Combeferre: Erm... Water, salt, some form of vegetation, and personally I prefer some meat in mine.

Grantaire: *Tilts head*

Combeferre: The Ocean is a Soup.

Grantaire: The Ocean is a Soup.

-

Bossuet: Okay, it's obvious that you're not over this whole "Grantaire, you are incapable of believing, of thinking, of willing, of living, and of dying" thing, yet.

Grantaire: What makes you say that?

Joly: We found you in the park throwing rocks at children.

Grantaire: WHY SHOULD THEY BE HAPPY?!?

-

Musichetta: How did you break your leg?

Eponine: Do you see those porch stairs?

Musichetta: Yes.

Eponine: I didn't.

-

Grantaire: Hey Apollo? If my apartment burned down would you let me stay with you?

Enjolras: Yes of course I would!

Enjolras: Wait... Grantaire?

Enjolras: Grantaire come back!!!

-

Bahorel: We both look very handsome tonight.

Feuilly: You know you could have just said looked good and I would have said "So do you?"

Bahorel: ... I couldn't take that chance.

-

Courfeyrac: What's the word for when your hands are bisexual?

Combeferre: Do you mean ambidextrous?

Courfeyrac: I'm in love with you.

-

Valjean: so I have this rock, it's very beautiful. Javert gave it to me.

Fantine: I watched him throw it at you

Valjean: he's very sweet.

[black-rabbit-razumikhin]

Raz Reads Les Mis (XIII)

Cosette - The Dark Chase Needs A Silent Hound

Fugitives on the run from the law but it's a father/daughter team, let's go!

I need to add humor to cope with the sadness and fear this book has put me through thus far

But Valjean and Cosette (or Valjean with Cosette) really are on the run from Javert

Immediately following the events of the last chapter, Valjean takes Cosette and flees from the beautiful life they were making with each other

And whenever Cosette is confused or frightened throughout this chapter, she refers to Valjean as 'father'

Y'all when I tell you that was breaking me

They're running from a gang of policemen lead by Javert

And maybe all those prior failed escape attempts are paying off, because Valjean manages to stay one step ahead of the police throughout

He gets to a dead end

Well, a dead end if he wants to take Cosette with him

It's a wall, completely smooth, several feet high, with no way of scaling it

Valjean could obviously easily Spider-Man his way up, but not if he's carrying Cosette as well

But look! These lamps lining the street have rope attached to him

And Valjean has a cravat! Cosette can be hoisted over the wall!

And hoisted over the wall she is

Valjean keeps her quiet by telling her that her foster mother is after her and it scares Cosette into silence

Using your kid's trauma to get something from her is not good parenting, but we understand this is a bit life or death

On the other side of the wall, Cosette is cold

Very cold

She needs to get to a fire within fifteen minutes

As luck would have it, who is the first person for Valjean to beg shelter from but the man he saved from being crushed by a wagon oh so many chapters ago

He brings Cosette into his bed, by his fire and he and Valjean have dinner together

And he calls Valjean ungrateful for not at first recognizing the face of the person whose life he saved

But why is Javert chasing Valjean in the first place?

Javert fully thought Valjean was dead, drowned and gone

Only to hear of a kidnapping of a child with a situation very similar to that of the Fantine episode

So he goes to the inn that the alleged kidnapping took place

And is told that the girl was taken by her grandfather and that there's no cause for concern

But he's a suspicious lad

There's an episode earlier where Valjean thinks a begger is Javert and I don't know if I put that in here

But the begger was indeed Javert

Much as with Monsieur Madeleine, Javert stalks Valjean while he and Cosette live in the house

He rents a room in the house, he peers in through the window

The landlady tells him as Valjean is trying to make his escape

But Javert's biggest problem is that he loves the chase

So much so that he prolongs it because running after Valjean is a more exciting feeling than catching Valjean

Which means of course, in his hubris, he takes it too far

Loitering a little too long

And this time, Valjean's escape works

But how long does this escape work for? This was an incredibly suspensful chapter, and Javert's tenacity concerns me for how fragile it is making the Valjean/Cosette domesticity. If Cosette never met her mother properly, having a father figure and a stable rest of her childhood is the least that she deserves.

[breadvidence]

I am begging for your 2000 Les Mis thoughts.

(I don't like it, but I spent 6 hours watching it and heard you have fun takes.)

I'm a quarter of the way through (which puts me just past Simplice with a gun), and because I am a dirty sinner I've enjoyed almost every minute of it. Not because it's good—God help me, no. The script was written by a journeyman, the acting ranges between "man trying to remember if he left the oven on" and "fish suffering hypoxemia", the timeline's fucked in a way that seems accidental (and I think all that bad is much more forgivable because I've been watching in 15-30min snippets rather than in 90min chunks, by the by). Rather, the ways it is bad tend to be steep enough to be funny ("Yellow... the color of happiness...", Malkovich's many ineffable expressions, "I am going to leave now because I don't want to be arrested now"), and it has occasional moments where the character dynamics catch my beady little eye and make me wonder.

Take, for example: what is up with this version of Javert and Fantine? Why is he in her room giving her financial advice, at one point? He's offhandedly vicious to her when she dies, but with body language that's oddly intimate, sitting on her hospital bed. They've built up a history by that point. Theory: forbidden from arresting her, he's like a terrier with a bait-rat in a cage, and he can't let it go, he snarls and threatens and rattles the bars. She can't make him go away, they interact, and it's one way to get to know someone, a restrained mutual torment.

And Sister Simplice and Valjean, what's going on there, then. I'm so used to Fantine and Valjean being swung as the romantic arc but I think the writers were trying to build a case for nunfucking. She has that dialogue—roughly I can only cry over Christ's suffering on the cross—and then weeps for Valjean being forced out of Montreuil, and I'm... not sure if the writers were smartdumb enough to be trying to riff off the Valjean-as-Jesus imagery in the book, or what. But it is. something.

[la-confrontation]

Very Vague Analysis of "Javert t'es amoureux" interpreted by Jean Vallée

I wrote a shitpost about it some days ago and @aftershocked 's comment made me want to develop on it, about why the lyrics are supposed to convey a metatextual message about the actor playing Javert (here, Jean Vallée). + Thoughts on why I think it's incredibly funny that they chose to make Javert a hopeless romantic and we all went 'ah! he is gay!' (as we should). I apologize if I'm just stating the obvious btw I'm not the smartest person in the room. Also, I read this before and I thought it was a good translation and I will use some of their previous interpretation, so credits to: https://www.kellycatalfamo.com/blog/2017/9/3/javert-tes-amoureux (thank you again, aftershocked, because i never saw this post before you mentioned it!).

1 — Javert is Jean Vallée.

No kidding, Jean Vallée is the first one to interpret Javert in Boublil's and Schönberg's musical in 1980. But then it does make sense for Vallée to write a song about himself as Javert, as he is transcended by his love for the character and the role (we'll get back to that).

There is definitely a play with the use of "Je" and "Tu". Who is je in this song? It's not obvious from the start. The first line might suggest the speaker is Javert directly ("Moi, le lecteur invétéré du Code Civil et du Code Pénal") yet this Je is accusing Javert, the Tu, in the chorus, which leave a doubt of the identity of this speaker. (You could definitely argue that it would not be out-of-character for Javert to talk to himself, on the contrary. Lol.)

Moreover, kellycatalfamo mentions that Javert actively reading is ooc, and this is also an element that makes me think that Vallée is mainly the one talking in the song, making the character he's supposed to play doing things he would not do otherwise : "What I took from this is that Vallée is not simply describing Javert reading the advice column in bed -- a VERY non-Javert-like activity -- but describing Javert suddenly realizing this uncharacteristic thing he's doing ... and continuing to do it".

According to me, Jean Vallée is trying to be Javert, to incarnate Javert, but he fails, and loses his balance and skills as he tries to act like the character again (reading the Code Civil, keeping his cool, seeing the world only in black and white, etc.).

2 — Vallée is trying to get back into his role.

So, in kellycatalfamo's translation, the original french lyrics is "redeviens moins si vieux" in the second chorus, but I'm sure it's a mistake and the lyric is actually "redeviens moins sérieux" (= "become less serious again"). Vallée castigates himself because he slipped out of his role, talking to both himself and the Javert he tries to make out of himself (use of the imperative).

"C'est impossible, venez à mon secours et rendez-moi inaccessible" = There is an urgent need to get back into his role, for Vallée, and suddenly, he is not Javert anymore and asks help to the other actors around him. He wants to be unattainable, in the sense Javert is (as a fictional character existing only on paper) but also from his own feelings, attacking him from the outside, the real world (the théâtre being traditionally a closed space, existing on its own and according to its own rules and codes).

"Ce roman policier, cette série noire, qui t'a incarcéré le cœur" = The roman policier in France was mostly invented by Balzac, huge inspiration for Romantics like Hugo, so perhaps it isn't as much of a reach to assume that, here, Vallée is referencing to the novel Les Misérables and the effects it had on his "heart". If we're seeing it like that, then he means that he is submerged, overwhelmed, by his own love for the original material—Javert is thus in love by proxy, through his interpret's own adoration for the text.

"Je veux rentrer dans mon théâtre, continuer d'être misérable par contrat et par devoir" = oooh again, Jean-Pierre Virgil is so smart! At this point, Javert completely disappear behind his interpret. The theater, locus where he, Javert, exists on his own; locus where Vallée, amorous, desperately wants to come back. Moreover, the double sense of this line: Javert continues to be miserable because of his characteristic sense of duty and justice, contracted he is to the law like a dog to its master; but it could also be about Vallée's contract with Hossein, Boublil, Schönberg, as a profesional actor, and the sense of artistic duty he feels to do Javert's character right on the scene. (Again, where does Vallée start, where does Javert finish...)

"Je crois qu'on est hier alors qu'on est déjà ce soir" = The most strange lyric to me so far. I picture Vallée standing on the théâtre's scene, taken aback because he thought he still had time to revise his lines, but he doesn't, because he's already performing and he has to get back in the role. I think this line shows how he is losing his self within the text, whether or not it's the novel or the script, and his love for the role.

"Pardonnez monsieur Victor, si je sors du bouquin, je n'en peux plus, mon amour est trop fort" = Finally, the most obvious lol, I should've start there I'm sorry. It's written on the thin here. Vallée is completely out of his role and expresses his love for the original material to the author—and yet! It could also be Javert himself, coming out the book. In french, "sortir de" can also mean "to slip out of something", metaphorically speaking.

3 — Javert in the Brick.

Finally, to some extent, I think it is also a song about Javert Déraillé. My guess is that Jean-Pierre Virgil and Jean Vallée wanted to make Javert sympathetic to the public, give him some romantic sensibility, and since the musical's motif is a lot centered around love, it makes sense. Although, I don't think they realize the way they portrayed Javert as a homosexual, because, if not Jean Valjean, who else Javert might be in love with LOL. My favorite lyrics that might imply Valvert are "Toi qui ne voulais regarder la télé pas autrement qu'en noir ou blanc, voilà que tu trouves qu'il manque de couleurs" > to me, this is an obvious reference to how Jean Valjean completely destroys Javert's vision of the world. Also, a reference to the french lyrics in Javert's Soliloquy: "noir ou blanc, hors-la-loi ou dedans; noir ou blanc, c'est Javert ou Valjean".

Anyways, I love how Vallée insults Javert in the song, as if aware that being in love is uncharacteristic of him, yet is happening ("pauvre vieux con de flic" and "bravo le clown" never fail to make me laugh. I always call Javert a clown because of this song lol).

Hm. I am enthusiastically open to discussion and I apologize if I wrote a way too long post about something everyone in the fandom already knew about. I just love this song so much.

[alenaphale]

now i believe it is time to elaborate a little on the subject (everyone in this au is just so chaotic)

• there is one particular rule that not a single meeting of les amis fails to follow — the musicians always complain about professor javert. they literally cannot shut up.

• the artists could never understand their complaints, however, because valjean is such an amazing mentor — he never shouts, never makes any negative remarks, only gives soft suggestions and guidance. and they all respect him greatly, because he really is a professional, to that extent that he can interpret the rules in his own way.

• still, grantaire is systematically late for plein-airs, his hair and clothes in horrible disarray, his head still dizzy from the previous night’s party, but no one can blame him, honestly, because, despite his absolute lack of self-discipline, he somehow manages to get good grades (and not only because of valjean’s soft-heartedness and compassion. i swear.)

• enjolras is always pissed because everyone thinks he follows javert’s instructions blindly at the rehearsals — but he doesn’t, they just have very similar understanding of how an orchestra should work (although, of course, enjolras is more inclined to suggestions from the members, whereas javert is merciless towards ones who ‘cannot even play their part right’). enjolras always stands up for his colleagues, but honestly he never succeeds, for javert’s authority and experience are unquestionable.

• marius is always late for the rehearsals. there have been endless times combeferre sat in his chair in cold sweat, white-knuckled grip on his violin and the bow, knowing that javert will definitely notice poor bloke’s absence and then it will be over for them all.

• during the classes grantaire draws endless portraits of enjolras instead of actual assignments. valjean only sighs at this.

• marius and courfeyrac share an apartment and this is actually so terrible because marius is helpless and courfeyrac is irresponsible but the latter still manages to do the chores while the former is locked in his room for hours staring blankly at the wall. occasionally courfeyrac knocks on his door to bring him some dinner made of the leftovers from the fridge. marius answers with extremely sad and honestly pathetic violin solo.

• joly and lesgles also share an apartment, but in a completely different way. bossuet’s room is a mess and his shirt stains the moment he pulls it out of the laundry, joly cleans the flat in its entirety at least twice a week. bossuet breaks a cup or a plate on a regular basis and burns the pans, joly cooks the most healthy and hearty dinner one can imagine, leaving the kitchen counter perfectly clean. bossuet is always late to classes even if they leave the flat together. bossuet cuts his finger and doesn’t do anything about it, joly shows him a video with horrifying outcome of not washing your fruits properly. sometimes while watching something they fall asleep together in joly’s room, and for once bossuet doesn’t fall from the bed and joly is totally okay with being so close to another human being.

• feuilly made an installation of powstanie listopadowe for his term project. then bossuet ruined it while just walking past it on the exhibition and feuilly was swearing at him in polish for good fifteen minutes.

• combeferre is the one who prints out the scores for the whole orchestra. sometimes he forgets which one was the original — with all the marks javert left for every party — and spends the whole night copying the marks with his own hand. sometimes he hates being a concertmaster, but in the end he does it all out of good will only.

• sometimes when a meeting is over, enjolras and combeferre wait patiently (or not, if courfeyrac and grantaire are too enthusiastic to spend a little more time with them) until everyone takes a bus or a train home, and then they just wonder aimlessly through the streets, discussing everything and nothing in particular. sometimes they talk eagerly to the very break of dawn, and then they still have to show up for the rehearsal strictly at nine o’clock.

there is more to come! in the next post i will probably write about valvert because i love them dearly and of course they are insane even here.