#is it wrong to tag so much? I feel guilty
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alnst as gacha screenshots
Og images under cut 👍
#alnst#alien stage#mizi alien stage#mizi alnst#alnst mizi#sua alien stage#sua alnst#alnst sua#till alien stage#till alnst#alnst till#luka alien stage#luka alnst#alnst luka#acorn alnst#dewey alnst#alnst dewey#ivan alien stage#ivan alnst#alnst ivan#mizisua#ivantill#holy shit thats a lot of tags#is it wrong to tag so much? I feel guilty
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2025 is off to a great start 🙃
#gonna get a little personal in the tags but i need to get this off my chest#i feel like in the past two months so many people around me have been dying#other than my grandma it was no one particularly close to me - distant coworkers or a friend / family member of a friend#but they all hit hard for one reason or another#and now i found out my 6-month pregnant best friend of nearly 20 years is in a coma in critical condition#i feel guilty because we haven't been talking so much lately#she chose to settle down and have a family and i have no interest in that so we don't have a lot in common anymore#and i feel like we've been drifting apart for years now#but i wish i messaged her more#she's one of the most selfless people i know and she doesn't deserve this#as soon as i saw her husband was calling me i knew something was really wrong#i don't know how to process this#personal
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ruthlessly deleting old 2021/2022 posts (not by me) from my dean studies tag like *click* un-incorporating that from my beliefs system! also the way SO many posts have me like ok uh-huh good aaand then say one completely wrong thing that loses me. it's so many posts.
#it's usually when they randomly drop some line of fanon. like saying dean has never admitted to being wrong in his life#or never expressed an emotion or been vulnerable or doesn't Talk About Feelings or is super duper RepressedTM#like i'm sorry. have you watched the show. oh and have you taken off the sammy POV goggles first?#bc this guy is always crying and being vulnerable and talking about his feelings. he is self-aware.#he may not always want to talk to sam abt things! but he sure does talk about things with other people#do i need to reblog the compilation posts AGAIN?#(also re: his sexualiy? AWARE. sorry i saw him flirt and be flustered by so many men. he knows how he feels.)#and then 'first time ever admitting to being wrong' this one came from a post abt dean's prayer in the trap#like i'm sorry but first of all. dean apologizes more than any other character on the show. there are hard numbers on this.#people have tracked this on spreadsheets. i think ilarual is one of them.#and often he is apologizing for things that aren't even his fault! but he still feels responsible for bc he's been made to feel that way#his whole life!!#other characters *cough samandcas *cough* apologizing Less doesn't mean they've Done less things wrong#it just means they're not owning up to it and brushing it under the rug. something both do frequently.#anyways. aside from apologies. dean also has no problem admitting he's wrong y'know when he's actually wrong#which is less often than you'd think bc he has pretty good instincts and intuition and often suspects things which turn out to be Right#but anyways. another thing abt the trap prayer is. i don't think cas Needed to be forgiven#i think dean was justified in feeling angry w cas over the circumstances leading to the Death of His Mother! totally normal grief response!#i think cas also understands dean to be someone who needs time to process and deal with his feelings (he says as much to jack)#however. despite me not think dean Needs to forgive cas. the thing is. with dean when it comes to cas the forgiveness is implicit#when he says /of course i forgive you/ and in the cut like /of course i wanted you to stay/ like. yes he was mad and dealing with grief#but also. yes cas was already forgiven even back then. he just needed Time to work through the feelings#anyways i think dean says he 'forgives' cas bc it's what CAS needed to hear to stop feeling guilty and dean gives him that closure#but i also think cas was already forgiven even in dean's anger. he wants him there always. i'd rather have you. we can fix this. etc etc#a lot of tags for a non-rebloggable post ajksdfs maybe i'll make these into a real post sometime#vic.txt#dean and feelings#so i can find this all again later
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a lot of post-coup fan content seems to revolve around chris's relationship to robert and/or trevor which makes sense but i'm chrissandra-pilled so i can't stop thinking about that particular betrayal, especially with my headcanons for them.......chris has only recently started hesitantly letting her back in, he thinks that for sure she will back him up here, only for his heart to sink when he learns she was on board with this too.........she knows what robert's like, just as much as he does, so it hurts that she'd willingly go along with him, that she'd choose him over chris, especially knowing how much directing means to him..........
when he asks she tries to brush it off with well, we just need a change, that's all, i thought maybe we could give him a shot but the damage is done, she's just fed into his fears that she's never actually respected or liked him and this whole time she's been thinking of him of, at best, someone to laugh at behind his back, that what they're doing here at cornley isn't real, that it's just a stepping stone in her journey to stardom........sandra doesn't mean all that, of course, she's just frustrated with how badly their plays go like the rest of them, but with this one gesture she's awakened chris's trust and abandonment issues that led to the bitterness and resentment that nearly caused him to leave them the first time around, except this time he's internalized it into a quiet self hatred and a begrudging acceptance that no one at cornley actually likes him, and she's horrified by the thought that she helped contribute to that......
#i don't love the way this post is broken up but it was getting to be one long paragraph and that was toooo much lmao#anyway i'm spontaneously deciding to become a 'chris's behavior in accgw was caused by hurt and isolation from his fellow actors' truther#which i WILL make a post about at some point. but. i think he got in his own head and convinced himself they hated him#and so he convinced himself that he hated them in turn and he didn't need them........#none of that is true but he has severe untreated mental illness lmao#anyway i think the coup caused a similar mindset in him except this time instead of taking it out on them he takes it out on himself#he just gets quietly self destructive in a way sandra hasn't seen since their uni days and it breaks her heart.....she feels soooo guilty#hmmm i also have to make a post about why i think they had their bestie breakup. cuz i think it's a similar thing where she implies she#doesn't respect him or what he's doing here#and given how important this is to him that really fucking hurts him........ouuugh#god these tags are getting as long as the post itself hglkdjf i just care so much about these two#save me chrissandra angst#the goes wrong show#chris bean#sandra wilkinson#chrissandra#marshy speaks
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Tara headcanons :3
(it's literally just angst. Blame @lionydoorin for making me have Tara thoughts)
She can't stand the smell of cooking meat anymore. It reminds her of Amber.
After Sam left, there wasn't anyone buying groceries on a regular basis. She never starved, but there were many occasions where she went to bed hungry.
She doesn’t remember most of the night her dad left (or even the man himself for that matter). She tried to grab him as he was leaving, but he shoved her off. She slammed her head on the corner of the wall really hard, and ended up with a scar on her forehead, chronic psychosomatic migraines, and tinnitus.
She'll avoid going to the hospital unless she absolutely has to. Not only does it reminds her of being attacked, she was also a really sick kid, and she spent a lot of her childhood hospitalized. Even just going to the doctor stresses her out.
She's like. 70% stress and anxiety at any given moment. Seriously somebody get this girl some SSRIs before she has a heart attack.
Her leg and hand have permanent nerve damage, and her entire left arm is kind of fucked up after 6. She has a semi-permanent arm brace, a cane for her leg, and a whole lot of chronic pain.
Christina had a revolving door of boyfriends, and would bring them home sometimes. They were almost always awful to Tara.
She really misses Amber sometimes. She never tells anyone.
#god I have SO many thoughts about her#canon isn't angsty enough I must make her suffer more#*puts her in the blender*#the other 30% is rage btw#---#pretty much the only thing her leg is good for is telling when it's about to rain#like. it works. she can walk on it. but it can't support her weight and she walks with a limp#so she has a cane. no matter how much she hates it#she just wants to be /normal/. normal people don't have nerve damage from their girlfriend stomping on their leg#so she just pretends it didn't happen. and there's nothing wrong with her leg#--#Christina's guys were awful to Sam too (when she was around) but this is Tara headcanons so#-#she feels so incredibly guilty for missing Amber#she misses the person who tried to kill her. who tried to kill her sister. who /did/ kill her friends. how awful is that?#so she never tells anyone#the guilt almost eats her alive#Tara tag#horror tag#hc tag
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My condolences to anyone who saw any of the FOURTEEN tmagp spoiler posts i queued for 8:30am, i s2g I thought we were still dropping at 8am PST I do NOT understand daylight savings
I AM AN EVIL LITTLE THING but I would not wish spoilers upon anyone, I’ve privated all of my posts and will unlock them at 9:30 :((
#I tagged my spoilers so#hopefully I did not do too much damage#I legitimately feel more guilty about this than most things I have ever done wrong#tmagp#the Magnus protocol
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2 years ago i fucked up a friendship w a girl (that im pretty sure i was in love with). to this day i think of her and sometimes when i see her on the street i just wanna cry. i understand your plight very much.
yeahhh man im sorry to hear that!!! it genuinely fucking sucks and i would never wish this upon anyone. cuz like it makes you fully think about all the what ifs and i genuilnely dont think ill ever find someone like her again
#im not trying to sound dramatic im being so serious she was so fucking perfect for me#i geuss the difference is shes the one who broke up w me and i know i didnt do anything wrong#neither of us did#its just like fuck!!! you know?? like we could have been so much#serious relationships dont need to be longterm to be serious you know???#one of these days im going to get tipsy and then 'drunk' text her even though i fiully intend to text her#and then claim i was just drunk because im notl ying im just not telling the full truth#like i fully considered it last night but i knew it would be a bad idea and i know if i do it its just gonna fuck things up more#but im soooo tempted man#like i dont know what itll even do#i know inside my goal is to maybe convince her that its not our time to end but i know in reality#its just gonna make her feel guilty and push her away even more if i show her how much ic are abou ther#i just seriously wish i understood why she even did it#i also thought being back on campus would help and i mean it has for sure becuase ive had my friends to distract me#but the thing is im not enjoying anything. like im not being distracted im just being numbed ykwim#cuz the moment i leave my friends all i do is think about her#and even when im WITH my friends ill be in the moment w them and then 2 minutes later ill start zoning out thinking about her#like the worst part about this is i dont have any anger *against* her#maybe im angry about like the general situation but the anger isnt against her#and while being angry is its own kind of pain in a way it can be easier cuz at least then youre tempted to have a good time and show off#but when its like this where youre just sad at the situation like what am i actually gonna do except think about her#sorry anon im not trying to dump on you i just start ranting in the tags sometimes#sunny rambles#anon tag#asks
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i wrote another rambly dennis analysis and deleted it <3 y'all don't need that
#ada speaks#this happens every time im on my period like fucking clockwork there's something wrong with me#dennis' essence is contained in the ovaries#it was some shit about how he's not actually the cis male power fantasy so many idiot dudebros think he is#and that he's like. ok listen. this will sound insane and probably piss Someone off but.#dennis is like. the worst and most repressed aspects of a female power fantasy#which. the way glenn treats him is.#basically that#yes his character is inextricably linked to misogyny and male privilege but#it's almost like its coming from a perspective that lacks that and he's somewhat of a hypothetical and very opposite exploration#does this make sense#anyway i dont think i can explain this 👍 but i think he's somewhat of a guilty pleasure to write because of this#all sunny characters are sort of meant to be the Worst parts of humanity that you want to Exorcize as glenn puts it#but dennis feels so.#i don't know.#guy who fears loss of power & fights for it not bc he's aiming for the top but bc he is so afraid of being at the bottom ever again#partiarchy and all. you know.#his privilege (primarily in terms of wealth but also his gender) has been just as much of a curse as it has become a weapon#his parents' neglect & their wealth allowing them to throw money at maids lead to him being taken advantage of by an older woman at school#the view of the abuse and it being recontextualized and forced into a positive that shaped the rest of his life because men can't be raped#but i can't explain the. Thing behind this that feels so#pardon the binary#womancoded.#he's like a love interest in a pulpy romance novel written#and i think its partially because he tries to emulate that and its why he is somewhat successful with women#but i don't think it's because he's catering to them i think he's just. oddly a character that comes across like Women Writing Men#i will Not be commenting on what this says about glenn--#cw csa mention#i cant believe i deleted a post and then wrote a rant in the tags about the deleted post this is my curse#the other one was worded better too 👍
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[ 𝚙𝚛𝚎-𝚝𝟸 𝚟𝚘𝚒𝚌𝚎 𝚍𝚛𝚊𝚖𝚊 #𝟶𝟸 ] 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚋𝚎𝚐𝚒𝚗𝚗𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚘𝚏 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚜𝚎𝚌𝚘𝚗𝚍 𝚝𝚛𝚒𝚊𝚕
IT'S OFFICIAL THE SECOND TRIAL IS HERE BABYYYYY oh god now they're going to suffer even more
(Warnings: mentions of attempted suicide, physical violence (prisoners get injured and beaten up and also Eiji and Kei's relationship gets mentioned), toxic relationship dynamics and heavy implications of self-harm)
Miki: Eiji-san?..
Miki: Eiji-san, can you hear me?
Eiji: .. Ah, sorry.
Eiji: I just.. I was too deep in thought, I guess.
Miki: I-it's okay! I just didn't expect you to be the one getting distracted this time, haha..
Eiji: What was that?
Miki: N-nothing!
Miki: B-but seriously, a-are you okay? You've been acting a bit weird lately..
Miki: Did something happen? Y-you can tell me!
Eiji: I'm fine. Don't worry about me.
Miki: .. If you say so.
Miki: So.. You know why we're here, right?
Eiji: .. Yeah. Because of the second trial.
Miki: *nods* I.. I thought it would be a good idea to talk about everything that happened after the first trial.
Miki: Would you be okay with that? I-if you're too tired, I completely understand-
Eiji: No, you're right. We do have to talk about it.
Eiji: There's.. a lot of things we have to discuss.
Miki: Ah, do you want me to do most of the talking? I can do that-
Eiji: NO!
Miki: *screams*
Eiji: .. Sorry.
Eiji: I will do it. You can just sit here.
Miki: U-um..
Miki: O-okay then..
*sounds of Eiji getting up*
*sounds of Eiji's footsteps*
Eiji: So.. Many of the prisoners feel like completely different people now.
Eiji: Some of them are acting like the complete opposite of their past selves and some of them are acting like.. if you took their personality traits, even the good ones, and made them much worse.
Eiji: It doesn't even matter if they were voted guilty or innocent. All of them are equally bad.
Miki: Eiji-san..
Miki: Are you saying our judgement was incorrect?
Eiji: .. I don't know.
Eiji: Maybe.
Eiji: No, it would definitely be better if we just voted all of them guilty-
Miki: So that they could suffer even more?
Miki: Eiji-san, I respect you a lot..
Miki: But I think a lot of prisoners finally got the confidence they needed this way. They feel so much safer now too!
Miki: Who knows what they would do if all of them were voted guilty..
Eiji: I'm not just talking about their personalities, but their relationships too.
Eiji: Those who were friends are basically enemies now or their relationships are just much more toxic now.
Eiji: You know who I'm talking about, don't you?
Eiji: I mean, our relationships with the prisoners are different too now.
Eiji: .. Let's begin.
Eiji: Prisoner 001, Miyagawa Akio.
Eiji: He got the well-deserved guilty verdict last time and his ideas and thoughts were rejected. Serves him right, honestly..
Eiji: I wish I could say that without feeling worried, but.. I can't do that because of what happened.
Miki: .. So you are worried about him.
Eiji: Because he was voted guilty, I knew that I will have to punish him for his sins. At first I just wanted to beat him up, but..
Eiji: I-I guess I underestimated how passionate I am about that kind of stuff.
Miki: He got a head injury because of you, Eiji-san.
Miki: A really.. bad one.
Eiji: Guard 002, with all respect I have for you, you think it was bad just because there was a lot of blood-
Miki: ISN'T THAT ENOUGH FOR ME TO SAY HE WAS SERIOUSLY INJURED?
Miki: Miyagawa-san.. He got traumatized both physically and mentally after that.
Miki: If it wasn't for me.. If I didn't manage to stop you before it was too late..
Miki: I think you would have ended up killing him, Eiji-san.
Eiji: ...
Eiji: S-so what? He deserves to die anyway.
Miki: He's only 16 years old-
Eiji: Anyway, about his personality. Akio definitely feels like a different person now, but he still has many personality traits he had before all of this.
Eiji: As I said, his ideas were rejected. Which means we have basically told him..
Eiji:"You're not a king nor a god that you think you are".
Eiji: And considering that because of his head injury, it's much more difficult for him to do most things, now he feels like he actually isn't as smart and talented as he thought.
Eiji: It's hard for him to walk without feeling dizzy and feeling like his head is spinning, so he often needs help when he has to go somewhere.
Eiji: He's also a bit more quiet now, though he's still very loud whenever we try to talk to him.
Miki: And for a good reason. You're the reason why he's like this now.
Eiji: Stop blaming me. I wasn't the only person who decided to vote him guilty.
Eiji: If it really was the wrong decision, then it's our fault, not just mine.
Eiji: He's more quiet now mostly because it's harder for him to talk now. I also almost never see him reading or studying anymore.
Eiji: .. I-I guess it really was a fitting punishment for a "genius" like him-
Miki: How can you say that?!
Miki: What if that injury really is serious? You know I can't take proper care of him, right?
Miki: What if his life will get worse because of it? What if..
Miki: .. What if he will die if he doesn't get any help?
Eiji: All of them are going to be executed by me anyway, so-
Miki: HOW CAN YOU SAY THAT AFTER WHAT HAPPENED TO HIM??
Eiji: ...
Miki: .. You wanted to talk about everyone's relationships too, right?
Miki: Do it. Tell me more about them.
Eiji: .. Well, Akio never really had any friends in this place, though he could often be seen with Aimi and Riku. I assume it's because of them being high school students, so they got along well, since they all are almost the same age.
Eiji: But if Akio's verdict was "Guilty", Aimi and Riku, on the other hand, were forgiven.
Eiji: And that has changed their relationship dynamic a lot.
Eiji: You see, after being voted guilty, Akio started becoming more and more.. unstable. He claims that he hears someone's voice sometimes and he can even see that person. There was a time when Naomi told me that Akio couldn't sleep because he felt like he was being choked by that person.
Eiji: Some prisoners also say that they can often hear Akio mumbling to himself and Aimi thinks that he's actually saying someone's name repeatedly.
Miki: .. I-I think I know what's going on here.
Miki: I'm not sure about that voice he hears and that person who has tried to choke him, but.. What if he's actually saying the name of his accomplice?
Miki: That would also explain.. well, that incident.
Eiji: .. I'll ask Aimi to pay more attention to what he says. That information could be useful for us.
Eiji: Anyway, because Akio's hallucinations have started getting worse and worse, he couldn't take it anymore and ended up having a breakdown in front of all the other prisoners.
Eiji: And he tried to ask Riku for help and grabbed his hand and I don't know what exactly he said, since we arrived when it was too late, but Riku did not like it.
Eiji: I'll talk more about it later, but.. After that, Akio slowly walked back to his cell, even though it was still hard because of his condition and..
Eiji: *sighs*
Eiji: I'm assuming he tried to make his injury even worse by beating his head against the wall.
Miki: .. You know that he had a reason to do that. And it wasn't just about "trying to make it worse".
Eiji: Fine, what else do you want me to say? This guy is not doing well. That's it.
Eiji: Now, let's talk about the person who stopped him from doing that to himself when we weren't there. And also, the only person he can trust right now.
Eiji: Prisoner 002, Hanasaki Aimi.
Eiji: Ah, the poor girl who was bullied by her entire class.
Eiji: She was voted innocent and her ideas and thoughts were affirmed.
Eiji: .. I still don't trust her.
Eiji: As I said, her ideas were affirmed, so I assumed that she will try even harder to make friends after this and she won't be so shy anymore..
Eiji: .. But she is actually much more quiet now.
Eiji: She still acts nice and she's still very polite, but now she doesn't really try to become friends with anyone in this prison.. except one person.
Eiji: And that person is Akio.
Eiji: She was the one who stopped him from basically killing himself and she's also the one who takes care of him, holds his hand when he's having trouble walking and I think I also heard her read a book out loud for him once.
Miki: Isn't she so nice? I still don't understand how such a kind person like her can be a murderer-
Eiji: I wouldn't trust her so easily if I were you. Sure, she's nice to Akio now, but she stopped talking to Riku after she found out what he said to Akio.
Eiji: Just so you understand, she completely ignores Riku now. She doesn't even look at him.
Eiji: She's acting like this with some other prisoners too now: she tries to avoid Yurika and she has also called Asahi out once for his behavior.
Miki: But I think that's understandable?..
Eiji: What I'm trying to say is.. It's kind of interesting, don't you think? Aimi already knew that all prisoners are murderers and she already knew that they are not good people and they obviously have flaws, but when it was the first trial, she still insisted that she likes them all and wants to be friends with them.
Eiji: But now, she doesn't try to become friends with any of them except Akio, who also can't really do anything without her help anymore.
Eiji: .. I feel like I'm starting to see a connection here.
Eiji: Anyway.
Eiji: Prisoner 003, Ishizu Shun.
Eiji: Sadly, he was voted innocent, so his ideas and thoughts were affirmed.
Eiji: Come on, I know you regret voting him innocent.
Miki: .. W-what else was I supposed to do?..
Miki: If we voted him guilty, who knows what he would do and how he would act!
Eiji: So you admit it? You admit that this guy is unpredictable?
Eiji: So you admit that this guy is dangerous?
Miki: .. Ishizu-san is just..
Miki: .. He's just very hard to understand..
Eiji: He sure is more confident now thanks to his thoughts being affirmed. It's not a good kind of confidence, it's a very annoying kind.
Eiji: Also, is it just me or he doesn't care about his ex anymore?
Eiji: I mean, he openly flirts with both Kei and Eiko now, even though when Eiko herself said that she's interested in him, he rejected her since he's "taken".
Eiji: He also rarely mentions being in love with his ex and now he doesn't even say stuff like "I did this for her! I just wanted her back! I just loved her so much I had to kill her new boyfriend for her sake!"
Miki: Maybe he just.. forgot about it?
Eiji: I doubt it. Though I can't say that him being in love with her was an act, this guy's video showed that he really did care about her in his own twisted way.
Eiji: Although..
Eiji: We haven't actually seen her face. We've only seen her new boyfriend's face and that's it.
Eiji: Maybe we should make him talk more about that guy this time.
Eiji: And also.. now that he's more confident, he refuses to take no for an answer.
Eiji: .. Especially when it comes to Kei.
Miki: ...
Miki: Eiji-san..
Miki: Are you worried about-
Eiji: I'm not.
Eiji: I just find it disgusting how he started to take more and more advantage of Kei now that the guy can barely move. I don't remember him being so "dominant" before Kei got punished.
Miki: .. So you are worried-
Eiji: I'M NOT!
Eiji: A-anyway, Shun and Eiko are much closer now since both of them were forgiven unlike Kei.
Eiji: .. And they sure like to remind Kei about them being "superior" to him all the time.
Eiji: .. I don't want to talk about him anymore.
Eiji: Prisoner 004, Chiba Naomi.
Eiji: She was forgiven and her ideas and thoughts were affirmed.
Eiji: I guess she's mostly fine, but still.. I feel like something is wrong here.
Miki: Why? Chiba-san is so nice and understanding and she always helps me out when I need advice..
Eiji: Just like Shun, she's much more confident now. And why would she start acting like that if she's truly sorry for her sins?
Eiji: She wanted us to vote her guilty, remember? I thought that she would ask us to rethink our decision, but no, she just accepted it and moved on.
Miki: W-well, maybe she just.. you know, started to see her crime differently? Like, maybe she doesn't think it was that bad anymore?
Eiji: If she's not lying, her victim really was a child. Do you think it's okay to just go "Oh, maybe me killing that kid actually wasn't a big deal"?
Miki: But what if she had her reasons-
Eiji: I don't care about her reasons. She's a child murderer and her victim most likely was one of her students. And now she thinks that her crime wasn't even that bad and doesn't try to make us change our mind.
Eiji: She says that she simply doesn't try to do it because "we're the guards, so we know what we're doing", but I know she's secretly happy that she got voted innocent.
Miki: .. Again, you're saying my decision was wrong?
Eiji: .. Um-
Eiji: I'm just saying that now we can see that Prisoner 004 actually wouldn't try to become a better person and she actually doesn't think that her crime was that serious. Voting her innocent helped us realize it, so..
Eiji: Maybe you were right in some way.
Eiji: Ah, and even though she's still acting like everyone's.. uh, mom, basically, her ideas were affirmed, so now she's more strict with the younger prisoners.
Eiji: If she sees someone misbehaving, she will tell them to stop it and if they don't, she might actually get angry at them.
Eiji: Though she's mostly nice to all prisoners who are still kids.. except one of them.
Miki: ...
Eiji: .. Yeah, I'm talking about Asahi.
Eiji: And even though I would gladly vote Naomi guilty this time, I support the way she treats Asahi.
Eiji: Yes, I know that he's most likely your brother, but you have to admit-
Miki: I-I will talk to him about it, okay? I will.
Miki: I'll prove his innocence to you, Eiji-san. I'll prove that he really deserves to be forgiven.
Eiji: The next prisoner is-
Eiji: .. Prisoner 005, Sanada Kei.
Eiji: He was voted guilty and his ideas and thoughts were rejected.
Miki: .. I still have no idea how you just.. can be so cruel to him without feeling anything.
Miki: He's your brother! If I had to vote Yano-san guilty-
Eiji: Are you telling me someone like him deserves forgiveness?..
Eiji: Guard 002, he's the one who turned my life into a living hell.
Eiji: He.. He always was weird. And I had to protect him from other kids and people in general because of that.
Eiji: .. I remember him thanking me for that once.
Eiji: But then something happened and.. He started beating me for no reason every single day after that.
Eiji: He actually almost killed me once, no, twice! Maybe even more times!
Eiji: He's literally the reason why my whole body hurts all the time, why don't you get it, Miki?! Who cares about him when my body will never truly heal and it's all his fault!
Miki: .. *sobs*
Miki: I'm sorry.. I really.. I didn't mean to..
Miki: It's just.. I'm used to trying to see the good in all people and..
Miki: I thought that maybe Kei-san still deserves forgiveness..
Eiji: *sighs* Listen, I can't deny that I kind of admire that trait of yours.
Eiji: But Kei doesn't deserve any of your forgiveness and kindness. Trust me.
Eiji: .. He refused to believe that all of this was real and that he really is going to be punished until I actually came and.. well, gave him what he deserves.
Miki: I still remember his cries and how loud he screamed from all that pain.
Miki: But that's.. weird. I thought Kei-san was a much more..
Eiji: Same. Remember him saying that he's not afraid of pain and that he can handle it all or something like that?
Eiji: .. It turned out to be another lie of his.
Eiji: He's so used to being the one who hurts people that he has no idea what to do when someone hurts him.
Eiji: "More pain means more love"? Sure, whatever you say, Kei. You agree with what our mother used to say only when you're the one who's inflicting all that pain.
Eiji: .. Something is bothering- um, I just find something very confusing though.
Miki: Really? What?
Eiji: For some reason, I noticed that Kei already had a lot of scars on his body even before his punishment.
Miki: Wait, what?? W-were they bad? Why didn't you tell me?
Eiji: If I did, you would never let me punish him.
Eiji: Even I got scared, but only a little bit.
Miki: .. Don't you feel at least a little worried for your brother?
Eiji: W-why should I care? Maybe someone just got "a bit too rough" with him or something, I don't want to think about it. It's none of my business.
Eiji: Anyway, Kei still hangs out with Shun and Eiko very often, but now it's not because he wants to. He can't even leave his cell without anyone's help because of how much pain he's in, haha..
Eiji: Ahem, so Shun and Eiko are the ones who drag him out of it and they just make him follow them around. Actually, I feel like now they spend even more time together compared to the first trial.
Eiji: But don't you even think that this guy is just a poor victim and we absolutely have to forgive him this time-
Miki: Should I remind you that he almost got beaten up because of Maruyama-san?
Eiji: I have no idea who I should believe, but she told us that he was acting creepy again and she wanted to defend herself.
Eiji: I don't trust her most of the time, but since it's Kei.. I can see him saying something and Yurika getting mad at him for that.
Eiji: If that was the case, I can't blame her.
Eiji: .. I still can't believe that he actually got saved by someone though.
Eiji: Prisoner 006, Yoshioka Eiko.
Eiji: She was voted innocent and her ideas and thoughts were affirmed.
Eiji: Well, she did thank us for forgiving her, but I'm sure she didn't actually care about her verdict. She's just not that kind of person.
Miki: She is.. very affectionate with you now because of you agreeing to vote her innocent.
Eiji: Yes, and I hate it.
Miki: "Do you though?.."
Eiji: However, I feel like she actually did change as a person.
Eiji: She openly admits that she likes Kei and Shun only because of their appearance, but still keeps them close because she likes the attention she gets from them.
Eiji: So it's like.. She said that she knows Kei will never "truly" love her and she also said that it would be easy to forgive her because of her looks, but now she agrees that she and Kei aren't actually that different.
Eiji: Also, even though she was one of those prisoners who refused to accept that all of this is a real thing, she has recently started asking me more questions about Milgram.
Eiji: Like, how it works, who created this place, why we were chosen as the guards, all of that..
Eiji: I have no idea why she's so curious about it now.
Miki: Maybe after the first trial was over, she started to realize that this isn't just a game and our verdicts really do have consequences?..
Eiji: Or maybe she just wants to spend more time with me.
Eiji: I don't get it though. I'm not that, uh.. "attractive" and I never give her any attention, so.. why me? Is it just her trying to make me forgive her again?
Eiji: .. No, she's not like most prisoners here.
Miki: But I think you're very pretty, Eiji-san!
Eiji: Um, thank you?..
Miki: Still not my type though.
Eiji: I wasn't even trying to.. never mind.
Eiji: Prisoner 007, Yano Asahi.
Eiji: He was voted innocent and his ideas and thoughts were affirmed.
Eiji: And, well, he reacted to it just like a spoiled kid his age would.
Eiji: He thought that it was going to happen anyway and now he's sure that no matter what he does, he will still be forgiven, because.. you know, he's a child.
Miki: But isn't he right-
Eiji: Well, that's not gonna happen.
Eiji: I never judge anyone only based on their age. No matter how young or how old they are, I will make sure they will get the verdict that they deserve.
Eiji: And because all of them are murderers, all of them deserve to be-
Miki: I know, you don't have to say that again.
Eiji: .. Huh?
Eiji: U-um, okay, let's talk about how he acts now.
Eiji: Prisoner 007 is much more confident now and I rarely see him cry or throw a tantrum, though he still likes to use his.. uh, "cuteness" to get what he wants.
Eiji: However, he's now surprisingly good at controlling his emotions. I have no idea what happened to him, but he's much more polite now and I almost never hear him swear anymore.
Eiji: Eh, he's probably just trying to manipulate us into voting him innocent again.
Miki: But what if he actually did change? What if he's trying to become a better person?
Eiji: I doubt it. He always has this.. weird smile on his face. Like I want to punch him whenever I see him smile like that.
Eiji: He keeps ordering other prisoners around too, again, he's just more polite about it now and it's harder to tell that he really is just using them.
Eiji: I should mention something about his personality and his relationship with other prisoners. Now that Akio is no longer as narcissistic as he used to be, Kei can't even leave his cell without anyone's help and.. we'll talk about Riku later, Asahi and Shun are basically the most "powerful" male prisoners now.
Eiji: However, Shun is still disliked by mostly everyone and they don't really like Asahi either, but it's hard to deny that this kid is much better at making everyone believe that he has "changed" and that he really is more nice now.
Eiji: It's like.. this kid has all the power now.
Eiji: "Andou siblings really rule this prison now, don't they?.."
Miki: W-well, I wouldn't say that.
Miki: True, he is much.. uh, "nicer" now and people are starting to like him a bit more, but he's still just as vulnerable.
Miki: Like.. For some reason I'm starting to feel like he wants more attention from me now? Like now he requests even more things, but he always asks me to get him something and not you.
Eiji: "I think it's because the prisoners don't like me that much in general."
Miki: But when you don't count all the food, toys, clothes and other things, he just.. wants to spend time with me. Like he actually wants to know more about me and he keeps asking me so many questions..
Miki: .. It's still hard for me to get used to him calling me "Miki-nee" though.
Miki: He doesn't even know that we're most likely related..
Miki: And speaking of him still being one of the most vulnerable prisoners, Kei-san wasn't the only prisoner Maruyama-san has attacked.
Miki: Yano-san was her victim as well.
Eiji: Again, it's kind of justified. Naomi said that she saw everything with her own eyes and I usually don't trust her, but I will do so this time.
Eiji: Basically, Asahi's been taking full advantage of Yurika's status as a guilty prisoner and her punishment and he eventually got tired of his "good boy" act and he spilled some really hot tea that she made for him on her. He claimed that it was an accident but both Naomi and Yurika could tell that it wasn't one.
Eiji: Yurika had enough and, well.. decided to take her anger out on him.
Eiji: I stopped her before she could actually injure him though. He only got a cut on his cheek from her nails and that's all.
Miki: Thank you, I appreciate it.
Eiji: .. I-It's not because he's your brother. I would do the same thing even if it wasn't Asahi. I can't let those prisoners fight each other like that.
Eiji: *laughs* Though of course they would try to do that. They are murderers after all.
Eiji: Speaking of Yurika..
Eiji: Prisoner 008, Maruyama Yurika.
Eiji: She was voted guilty and her ideas and thoughts were rejected.
Miki: I'm still finding it so hard to believe.. I mean, I thought she seemed like a nice person when I first met her..
Eiji: Is it just me or you voted her guilty only because of what she said about you that time?
Miki: .. I really do want to save everyone here.
Miki: And I will do anything to achieve my goal.
Miki: *gets up* Who does she think she is to go and say that I'm just doing this to make everyone trust me?!
Eiji: Okay, okay, calm down.
Eiji: Fine, let's not talk about it. You have your reasons to vote her guilty and I have mine.
Miki: .. Y-you're right. Sorry.. *sits down*
Eiji: Her punishment was a bit different from Akio and Kei's punishments. It wasn't a physical one, it was more about.. mental pain, I guess?
Eiji: Since her thoughts were rejected, she lost all the potential freedom she could get and now she's back to doing what she hates the most.
Eiji: She has to act as everyone's maid now.
Eiji: We don't have to bring anything to prisoners personally, we can just ask her or, you know, make her do that. She can also serve them food now.
Eiji: I know, that was very smart of me. Less work for us~
Eiji: .. I wish I could say that, but her temper is.. something.
Eiji: When I first told her about her punishment, she cried. Loudly. She cried like a little baby.
Eiji: And when I tried to make her stop, she almost punched me, but oh well, she obviously wasn't able to do that.
Eiji: And now, whenever she refuses to listen to my orders, I just remind her that I can make her punishment even worse and she listens to me.
Eiji: But now her relationship with the prisoners is much worse. People either see her only as their maid, they think she's scary or they even find her annoying.
Eiji: She's used to be close with all the female prisoners, but now Aimi is one of the prisoners who thinks she's too dangerous, Eiko just makes her do everything for her and even though Naomi actually tried to be nice to her at first, Yurika wasn't as nice. Her relationship with Reina is.. complicated now.
Eiji: Prisoner 009, Kuroki Riku.
Eiji: He was voted innocent and his ideas and thoughts were affirmed.
Eiji: .. I still have no idea how you could have forgiven someone like him.
Eiji: He obviously just wanted to make us feel bad for him.
Miki: Even if he did, he still was in pain and he needed help. If we voted him guilty, I think he would start acting even worse.
Miki: Just imagine what he would do if he found out that he was going to be punished!..
Eiji: But guess what? Now that his thoughts were affirmed, Akio almost killed himself because of him, Aimi left him and pretty much all prisoners don't want to do anything with him anymore.
Eiji: Because I remind you, this guy actually wanted his childhood friend to die.
Eiji: Let's go back to his fight with Akio. Again, I still have no idea what Akio said to him, but I do know what Riku told him and what made Akio.. do what he did.
Eiji: After Akio said something that made Riku angry, Riku, just like a normal boy his age, said this:
Eiji: "Go and die then."
Miki: ...
Eiji: .. We shouldn't find Akio's suicide attempt surprising after this considering his mental state and how much he liked Riku.
Eiji: So? Are you going to defend him this time too?
Miki: .. I will talk to him about it. Of course, he can't just say things like that, but I want to understand why he did it.
Eiji: Well, I'm sure he will appreciate you still trying to defend his actions, because I remind you that this happened while all other prisoners were watching.
Eiji: And yeah, Aimi stopped seeing Riku as her friend after this.
Miki: "She's a victim of bullying, of course she would leave him.."
Eiji: And all other prisoners kinda stopped talking to him after that. Their conversations are just really awkward now, especially because Riku still refuses to apologize for what he said and claims that it's all Akio's fault.
Eiji: He has no one to talk to anymore. Akio and Aimi are doing great without him, Shun is having way too much fun with Kei and Eiko, Naomi and Reina have no idea how to help him, Kei simply can't do anything for him right now, Eiko and Yurika don't care about what happens to him and Asahi says that he's "bad" so he doesn't want to spend time with him, though I'm sure he's doing it just to make him suffer.
Eiji: .. It's kinda interesting, actually. They know that every single prisoner here is a murderer, but they were mostly fine with that fact until now, when one of them has almost killed the other prisoner with his words.
Eiji: And.. he went back to his unhealthy coping mechanisms because of all of this.
Eiji: He's okay with doing literally anything to make people look at him, including hurting himself in different ways.
Eiji: I literally can't even leave him alone with a fork and a knife anymore and I have to watch him while he eats.
Miki: .. Again, I will talk to him about it.
Miki: I want to save everyone in this prison. Especially Yan-
Miki: .. I mean, my brother and Riku.
Eiji: And finally, the last one.
Eiji: Prisoner 010, Himura Reina.
Eiji: She was voted innocent and her ideas and thoughts were affirmed.
Eiji: Honestly, I think she's one of those prisoners who have changed the most.
Eiji: She's like a completely different person now.
Eiji: She's no longer pretending to be someone she's not. She almost never mentions the whole "I'm actually the most dangerous murderer in this prison" thing anymore.
Eiji: She's also very.. calm now. To the point of showing almost no emotions.
Eiji: She doesn't make dumb jokes anymore, she doesn't say things like "Oh, I actually have more than 50 victims", she isn't that loud anymore.
Eiji: .. And she also was the one who protected Kei from being attacked by Yurika.
Eiji: If that doesn't prove that she has changed, I don't know what will.
Miki: .. What if she actually always was capable of that? What if she always could protect someone like that and we just didn't know?
Eiji: Well, I can't say anything about that.
Eiji: She and Kei are actually surprisingly close now. She's the only person here who isn't afraid of him and doesn't take advantage of his condition.
Eiji: I was shocked at first, but now that I think about it..
Eiji: It makes sense. Their personalities are actually very similar.
Miki: So that's why she's been asking me to take care of him so often lately..
Eiji: .. What surprises me the most is that Kei never flirts with her or tries to impress her. I guess it has an obvious explanation, but if we trust Yurika's words, he's still more than capable of being annoying in that way.
Miki: Well, maybe he just sees her as a friend? Isn't that nice?
Eiji: Don't say that. I can't imagine this guy having friends that actually like him.
Eiji: She isn't that close with Yurika anymore and when I asked her about it, she sounded like she was.. disappointed in her? I guess she wasn't prepared to see the real Yurika.
Eiji: .. That's all I have to say.
Eiji: *sighs*
Miki: So.. Do you still want to vote all of them guilty?
Eiji: Why are you even asking me that? Of course I do. Actually, I want to punish them even more now that I've seen what kind of people they become after being forgiven.
Miki: But isn't it natural to start acting more calm or confident after being forgiven?
Miki: Just like you said, their ideas and thoughts were affirmed. Of course, they think that they were the ones in the right now.
Eiji: .. I wanted to talk to you about something.
Eiji: You don't have to think too hard to notice that all, or at least, most prisoners like you much more than me.
Eiji: Most of those who were voted innocent are thankful to you for saving them and they're hoping to be forgiven this time again.
Eiji: And those who were voted guilty are this close to begging you to save them from me and forgive them.
Eiji: It's like..
Eiji: It's like you're a goddess of this place, haha..
Miki: .. Hehe, come on, I-I'm just doing my job..
Eiji: Don't try to forgive all of them this time though. Be more careful. They're obviously going to try and take advantage of your kindness.
Eiji: Now, let's go and interrogate-
Eiji: !
*sounds of Eiji falling on the floor*
Miki: Eiji-san!
Miki: A-are you okay?!
Miki: Are you hurt? What happened?
Eiji: .. W-why..
Eiji: Why is everything so.. blurry now?
Miki: Please, tell me if you're not feeling okay! We can just interrogate everyone tomorrow-
*sounds of Eiji trying to get up*
Eiji: I'm fine. I'm fine, I can do this.
Eiji: H-huh?..
Eiji: "Why am I feeling so weak?.."
Miki: Eiji-san, your body is shaking. A-are you feeling any pain? Maybe discomfort?..
Eiji: I told you I'm fine! Let's just go and begin the second trial already-
Eiji: Ah-
Eiji: .. T-thank you.
Miki: If it wasn't for me, you would fall again!
Miki:*sobs* Eiji-san.. Please, just tell me what's going on..
Miki: I just want to help you!
Eiji: Guard 002, let me go.
Miki: I can't do that when you look like you're about to-
Eiji: JUST LET ME DO MY JOB, MIKI!
Eiji: WHY CAN'T I HAVE AT LEAST ONE THING I ACTUALLY ENJOY DOING? WHY DO YOU ALWAYS HAVE TO RUIN EVERYTHING?
Eiji: I'M BASICALLY NO ONE BECAUSE OF YOU NOW, WHY DON'T YOU GET IT?!
Eiji: ...
Miki: .. Eiji-san? Eiji-san, can you hear me?
Miki: "I should let him have some rest.."
Miki: "What did he mean by me ruining everything though? Was he talking about everyone's verdicts?"
Miki: "I doubt that he's jealous of me being more respected by the prisoners or something like that.."
Miki: ".. I'm a goddess of this place.. What did he mean by that?"
Miki: "It doesn't sound bad though, hehe.."
Miki: "Trust me, Eiji-san, I will save everyone in this prison. I will forgive them for all their sins and I will guide them."
Miki: "I will save everyone, Eiji-san.."
Miki: ".. Including you."
***
???: Hm?
???: What is going on with that screen?..
???: Ah, it's you!.. Sorry, I forgot your name again.
Jackalope: .. Maybe we should have chosen someone else.
???: *laughs* You're right, you're right.
???: No, seriously, I still don't understand why I was chosen. I mean..
???: Look at me. Why would you make someone like me the guard of this prison?
Jackalope: You're asking way too many questions for someone like you. By the way, I left your guard uniform at the door. You can go and get it, I'll open the door just this once.
???: Really? Okay..
*sounds of slow footsteps*
[ ??? opens the door ]
???: Wow!..
???: .. I-it doesn't look that comfortable.
[ ??? closes the door ]
???: And why would I even wear it? Didn't you say that I'm not allowed to leave this room?
Jackalope: True, but now you'll actually be able to participate in the trials.
Jackalope: As always, you'll be able to see everything from here. You don't even have to leave.
???: .. Does that mean I can participate in the voting process too now?
Jackalope: Absolutely! You can even say hi to the other guards if you want.
Jackalope: That girl is very cute, by the way, so I doubt that you'd want to lose your chance-
Jackalope: Wait, or are you-
???: Hmm, I think it will be too hard for them to accept the fact that there's a third guard hiding somewhere.
???: .. I think I have an idea. You already did that thing to the first guard, right?
???: I think I know how I can interrogate the prisoners without letting the other guards know anything.
Jackalope: You remember that you still have to vote though, right?
???: I do, I do. Don't worry, I won't disappoint you~
???: *yawns* Sorry, looks like I've spent all my energy for today.
???: Hehe, I wish I had a stuffed animal that looked like you-
Jackalope: Don't even think about it. Cuddling with a guy? No thank you.
???: Calm down.. You know I can't even be in the same room as you anyway.
???: But before I go to sleep, can you answer my question already?
???: Why was I chosen?
???: I mean, I can't even participate in this trial properly. I just spend all my time in this room.
???: I'm also not that interested in "saving" or "punishing" those prisoners..
Jackalope: .. Well, let's just say that all guards have their reasons to be here.
Jackalope: That guy wants to see his brother in pain and he wants to get his revenge on him. The girl is harder to figure out, but I'm sure she has her goal too.
Jackalope: You also have a reason to be here. Why don't you think about it yourself?
???: Hm...
???: Maybe you're right.
???: Either way, I don't think I'll lose much if I participate in this thing.
???: I have nothing to lose anyway.
#i can't wait to see the results of their t2 polls like it was so hard to figure out their canon verdicts too#you can tell me who you're planning to vote innocent/guilty rn if you want! :D#every day i remember that eiji is an obvious victim of abuse who still has so much anger inside and doesn't know what to do with it#so he just immediately jumps to violence and saying that it was everyone else's fault and not his. and then i cry#like at the same time yeah eiji MAYBE YOU SHOULDN'T SAY THAT AKIO DESERVED HIS PUNISHMENT but also. idk it just feels realistic#also something about yurika attacking some of the weakest prisoners here just.. says so much about her#like sure she's unhinged! she's a little insane! but she's also too scared to attack people who can actually fight back#so yeah she'll just go for the guy who can barely walk and a child. akio really got lucky this time#and remember when i said that riku's t2 version probably won't be that bad. i-i was wrong#also say hi to the third guard :) actually you can send asks to him/interact with him if you want!#he can't leave his room but he can still talk to others just not in person#(also i am not tagging all of them.)#🎤 voice dramas! 🎤#milgram#milgram oc#milgram project#ocgram
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Love being an artist bc i can just draw silly little snippets of things without having to justify them as a detailed story w consequences or i would go insane
#the rest of the post in tags bc im being very vague abt something rlly specific#like something is probably wrong w me but#despite loving complex and human depictions of relationships and consequences sometimes they just#fill me with such lethargy#weight me down and make me SOOOOO SAD#like yes superbat are tragic and its compelling#bruce in general is very tragic#even in narumitsu edgeworth and phoenix have such sharp edges born from the disbarrment and the fake suicide#wangxian can have their happiness but they r both so broken and have such big holes in their heart to fill#its all fascinating and human and complicated and rarely doesnt hurt#writers do it such justice but i cant even deal thinking about it im SO TIRED of life in general that thinking about it in fiction sometimes#does me in#and ik writers can do ficlets or whatever but thats the thing i dont function like that i need them to have complex hurting emotions#so art rlly gives me leeway to depict things without having to cut my fingers on the edges of the details idk#much to think about ive just been very tired bc of irl and i feel guilty for indulging in silly things when they can be cliche#so i cant look away from the tragic humanity either
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Why you all got ok mothers leave some for the rest of us
#hello?????#my mother had me exorcised when i was 16#or 17#my father beat my mother when i was a kid and would randomly lash out based on literally nothing#calling me (aged 3-14) and my mother cunts and whores and all kinds of slurs and threatening to beat or kill us#and every once in a while he'd just get up and leave for a week without telling anyone. we had only one car so mother had#to find alternative ways to get to work (grandparents had no car at the time) (we lived in a tiny rural village)#when he came back he never apologized and just told my mother 'you know how i am. what else do you even expect?'#he also threatened to beat me up whenever i cried or got scared or sad or embarrassed. i was not allowed to be anything but#happy. anger was also allowed but obviously not towards my parents. if i did that i would get locked in a room for several hours#if i self-harmed while locked in there i got yelled at but that just told me that i needed to self-harm more to please my parents#i think i internalised that because when i disobeyed them when i was very small (like...3-5 years) they'd spank me with a wooden spoon or#give me a strong head slap or two. i came to expect violence and when they stopped because it just made me more volatile#i felt the need to enact that expected violence upon myself.#i was unimaginably afraid for my life and for my mother's life until i was about 14. i used to pray for my father's death#but then again i prayed for my mother's death too#i had nightly night terrors about coming home from school and seeing blood everywhere and him kneeling over my mother's corpse#a lot of my good dreams revolved around killing him. i dreamed of coming home before he could kill her and stopping him#in a way i dreamed of being at least 50% safe.#both of my parents also beat me for being neurodivergent and lashes oit whenever i asked too many questions or couldn't#understand something. i always got either the r slur or i got told that I'm just playing a r*tard#to spite and anger them. everything i did in my life was specifically to anger them in their eyes.#i hated both of them so so much and i loved both of them so much and I didn't know how to put it all together#i hated that the father who took me to fairs and played football with me was the father whose touch had a 70 % chance of being violent#i flinched when seeing a hand move until i was 19 and screamed when getting hugged by anyone until i turned 17#my mother's physical violence was something other adults found funny - if she didn't spank me with a spoon; she'd#hit my arms until they got all red and numb and my crying just made her angrier. she still does this. I'm 22.#but when i accidentally ask the wrong question - the retarded one - when i do something to set her off she just hits my#arm until it doesn't even hurt anymore because i stop feeling it altogether. i don't cry because of the pain but because I'm scared#and sorry and embarrassed and guilty. and anyway we don't have tags left for my mother's abuse
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Feeling like I have a hundred obligations to attend to this morning but instead of figuring out what they all are or working on them I’ll instead be returning to safety under the blankets until I have to go to work
#what’s a ‘respons abila tea’?#I don’t even care for tea that much :/#fr though#would be cool if I could figure out where this guilt comes from#it’s annoying af#oh and also#I wish I didn’t want to not do anything#because I want to do stuff!#but actually doing it is entirely different#so fucking annoying#can’t help but feel like it’s a nonissue that everyone has and can overcome easily#but at the same time wonder if it’s not a Problem#then at the same time feel guilty because ‘you don’t really have a Problem you’re just lazy and want attention’#and idk if that’s wrong y’know?#ughhh#get out of my head dad & nana#just let me live & be happy please I’m tired#rant in tags#talking to myself#vent
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My Burning Sun Will Someday Rise
part 1 | part 2 | part 3 || read on AO3
summary: Reader goes on a beach vacation with Joel after her father breaks his leg. tags: daddy kink, big age gap (Joel is 49, reader is 23), dbf!Joel, Joel has a lovely belly, Joel is a little mean, praise kink, Joel calls reader "kid", unprotected piv, creampie, cunnilingus, sexual tension, blow jobs, smut with a little bit of plot, no use of Y/N, afab!reader, reader has hair (will add more as I add more parts)
note: The devil works fast but I work faster. New multi chapter smut fic inspired by those damn new Pedro pics in the works…enjoy part 1! I haven't planned all of the smut scenes, so if you have any requests for specific kinks/scenes, do let me know!
He’s dead fucking wrong. You love your father, enough to not immediately say no, but he’s wrong. It’s true you could use a girls’ trip, perhaps even a couple of days out of town with your Dad, and he’s not entirely off about university being the death of you, kiddo – you’ve spent one too many nights inhaling coffee and cramming for your finals. The idea of an all-inclusive trip is tempting, given the fact that all you manage to eat these days is pasta and store-bought pesto, if that.
Nevertheless, you need to keep studying, there’s less than two weeks left until your exams, and although the trip is only a couple of days, you don’t know Joel.
Sure, you’ve been to his barbecues, and he let you use his bike one year when yours was stolen and your Dad refused to buy you a new one, because you should have locked it up in the first place. You know how he patched up your Dad after the divorce – you never worried about your mother, who was heartbroken, but able to talk about it to her family and friends. Your Dad was the one you spent sleepless nights over. The way the beer bottles accumulated in his garage, how distant he seemed on the phone. You know it was Joel who looked after him, made sure he left the house and had anything edible inside it. You’re grateful for it, you are, but you don’t really know him. For most of your life, he has been a friendly smile and wave over a fence, and you’re shy around people you know much better than the occasional hey kid, you back for the summer? or if you see your Dad, tell him I borrowed his screwdriver, I’ll put it back tomorrow.
You do feel slightly guilty your Dad can’t go on his trip. He broke his leg, and although it’s not entirely your fault he slipped, you had been the one to mop the stairs right before the accident. As much as your Dad was looking forward to his vacation, after a week he had to admit a beach holiday would be little fun with a whole leg in plaster.
You sigh, staring at your phone screen, tapping on it every once in a while to keep it from turning black. He’s expecting an answer soon, you know he is. Who the hell books non-refundable trips anyway? When you get the time, you’ll need to tell him about a lovely invention that is insurance.
You glance over at the stack of unfinished coursework on your desk, your laptop taunting you with its quiet – no responses to the millions of job applications you have sent out have come through. At this rate, you’ll be jobless in a couple of months, when you finish your degree. You’ll have to live with either of your parents forever, no money for any sort of vacation whatsoever.
"Oh, screw it,“ you mutter, unlocking your phone, and typing quickly.
I’ll do it. Only because my A+ cleaning is the reason you can’t go. Tell Joel to bring something to read, I need to study.
***
"It’d be a shame if it went to waste, kiddo, I’m glad you’re doing this.“
"Yeah,“ you answer, thinking of the endless powerpoint slides you haven’t even looked at yet. "Maybe studying at the beach works wonders.“
There’s a knock on the door, and you move to open it, your Dad chained to his chair by his broken leg. You’re not particularly excited about the smalltalk you’ll have to make with your Dad’s friend, but if you remember correctly, Joel is as much the quiet type as you are, and might actually appreciate your studying. Great, you think, at least one of us will enjoy it, then.
When you open the door, the first thing that strikes you is how hard you find it to envision Joel at the beach – he’s all mountains and trees to you, with his lumberjack boots and flannel shirt. His smile is friendly, and only gains warmth when he notices the critical look you give his outfit.
"I know,“ he says, voice deep and quiet, "I’m king of dressing for the occasion.“
You grin, and open the door wider.
"Come on in. Dad’s in the living room. What’s with the…uh…“
Your voice trails off, as you gesture towards his distinctly un-vacationy clothes.
"Thought you might bail,“ Joel answers easily, stepping into the house. "Can’t imagine you’re overly thrilled about this.“
You think about denying it, but this is your chance to come clean about how you would much prefer keeping to yourself and preparing for your finals, so you sigh.
"Well, it’s kinda my fault Dad was, like, almost paralyzed from the neck down, so I figured the least I could do was not let his trip go to waste. I’ve got finals in two weeks, so the timing is…suboptimal.“
"Yeah, your Dad said. I brought reading material, so I won’t bother you too much.“
He’s easy, you realize. Easy to talk to, and easy to accept your reluctance to bond with an almost-stranger, quick to make you feel comfortable by hinting at that boundary. You smile back, and are struck by how he holds your eye contact until you break it yourself, nodding towards your suitcase.
"Think this will fit inside the car?“
"Sure,“ he answers, "I’ve got a Bronco.“
You have no idea what that means, but you assume it’s a good thing, so you smile vaguely.
"It’s an SUV,“ Joel explains with a hint of good-natured amusement in his voice.
"Right,“ you say, attempting to overplay your obvious lack in car-knowledge, "SUV. One of the big ones.“
It makes Joel smile again, and you notice the wrinkles around his eyes that make his face look all sunny.
"Yeah,“ he says. "One of the big ones.“
You lead him into the living room to say good-bye to your Dad, who’s expression is a weird mixture of sombre and excited at the sight of his daughter and best friend getting ready to drive to the airport.
"Take care of her, Joel,“ he says, when you’re getting ready to leave.
"Don’t worry,“ Joel answers with a pat to your father’s arm. "I’ve got her.“
"I’m twenty-three,“ you remind your father, "I’ve done more dangerous things than a trip to the beach.“
"Yeah, but you’re still my little girl,“ he answers with a smile, squeezing your hand. You squeeze back, though his comment irritates you.
"See ya, Dad. Call me if something’s wrong with your leg, alright?“
"Sure, kiddo. Have fun, you two, and bring me a seashell.“
Joel grins at the open envy on your Dad’s face.
"We’ll go on another trip next year,“ he says in an attempt to cheer him up.
"Yeah, yeah,“ your Dad answers, glancing at his watch. "Better get going, or you’ll miss the flight.“
"We’ll be fine, Joel’s got a fast car,“ you argue, "A Bronco. That’s an SUV.“
Joel snorts.
***
Joel lets you take the window seat and plops down next to you, legs slightly spread so as to fit into the little space the two of you have. His leg nudges yours, and he pulls it back immediately, though you can see how uncomfortable it must be with his knees pressing into the seat in front of him. You move your legs towards the window with a glance at Joel, who looks grateful and is able to relax his muscles into a more comfortable position without invading your space.
"Thanks,“ he mutters, "Fucking hate flying.“
So do you, though not because you’re too big to fit into the space, and not because you’re afraid – mostly because it’s boring. Sure, takeoff is exciting, but you get nauseous from watching movies and the plane is much too loud to really enjoy your music the way you would lying on your bed at home. You could study, you suppose, but you tell yourself you wouldn’t be able to concentrate and kick your backpack further under your seat. Joel notices and chuckles.
"Finals, huh? You almost done with your degree?“
You can’t imagine him finding your boring university struggles interesting, but you’re not exactly fantastic at smalltalk, so you take the conversation he’s offering you.
"I’ve got one more year, but I’ve got to do a six month internship, and write my thesis, so yeah, this is, like, the last of my regular classes and exams.“
"You enjoy it?“
The question is strikingly honest, like he really wants to know, like it’s fine if you don’t. You look at him, his eyes already on your face, and for a second you think how handsome he is. You didn’t notice before, when he was just the owner of a bike you could conveniently borrow, when life was all skinned knees and staying up till sun-down. Now, he looks like an equal, like someone who wants to know about your life, someone you want to know about yourself. The change is a little unsettling, but thrilling. You realize you haven’t answered him, so you clear your throat.
"Sure, it’s alright. Not what I would have done if money didn’t matter, but it does, so…I can be content with it.“
Joel considers this, eyes still lingering on your face, as the plane starts speeding up for takeoff.
"What would you do if money didn’t matter?“
You shrug, and smile to yourself.
"Creative writing, maybe. Or English lit.“
"You always were the smart one in your family,“ Joel answers with a chuckle.
You glance at him, and feel a pang of something warm in your stomach as he compliments you. When the plane takes off, you look out of the window, but get the feeling Joel’s eyes keep looking at you. It makes your skin prickle, though not at all unpleasantly.
***
You get to the hotel when the sun is high in the sky, burning the top of your head and making you long for a shower and an ice-cold coke. Joel courteously carries your suitcase and although you don’t want to inconvenience him, you don’t mind the way his muscles bulge under the weight, arms straining against the navy shirt he had underneath his flannel. You wonder how he’s not suffocating in the heat, wearing his thick jeans and boots.
When you get to the front desk, he fishes his phone out of his pocket, searching for his reservation details with furrowed brows. You smile when you notice he uses two hands to scroll. It takes him a couple of minutes, cursing under his breath, and you smile at the lady, who smiles back, patiently waiting for Joel to find the right email.
"Sorry,“ you say to her, and try to catch a glimpse at Joel’s phone, so as to figure out what’s taking him so long. "Need some help?“
He throws you an offended look that makes you grin, and finally shows the lady his phone. She smiles, types something into her computer and gets out two room keys.
"Go easy on your Daddy, it’s easier when you grew up with the internet,“ she says, handing you each a keycard. You feel Joel stiffen beside you, and your stomach flutters.
"Here’s your keycards, you’re on the third floor. Enjoy your stay!“
"Thanks,“ Joel mumbles, taking the cards and handing them to you, before grabbing the two suitcases. He huffs, when you walk around a corner and towards the elevators.
"She was makin’ fun of me,“ he says accusingly when the lady is out of earshot, as if that would be your fault. You snort, all of a sudden feeling giddy at the prospect of being at the beach soon, your holiday only a couple of minutes away.
"I don’t think so, she was trying to help you by blaming your incompetence on your age,“ you say, Joel looking at you like he can’t believe what you said.
"Sorry.“ Your voice is quivering with amusement at how offended he is. "Daddy.“
That makes him clear his throat, and if your eyes aren’t playing a trick on you, his cheeks turn a shade darker. Bingo.
"Don’t say shit like that,“ Joel grumbles, "’M not that old.“
"How old are you, then?“
"Why?“, he asks, eyes meeting yours, and suddenly you’re the one blushing, your stomach swirling with something you definitely should not be feeling for your Dad’s best friend. Joel shakes his head. "Don’t start something neither of us can finish, kid.“
It’s just an offhand-comment about the way you jokingly flirted, but you feel all bashful all of a sudden. His mention of there being something to potentially start, the fact that the possibility even crossed his mind…when you look up at him again and watch him press a button on the elevator, you study the grey patches in his beard, the way his jaw clenches and unclenches as you’re waiting, his thick fingers drumming against the handle of his suitcase. It’s not what you expected to happen, but Joel’s got you intrigued.
***
You both agree to take a shower, get settled in and meet outside the rooms in half an hour – they’re neighboring, so it’s not far. You’re too lazy to properly unpack, so you just grab a bikini and a comfortable white sundress to change into after your shower. The water is welcome on your skin, washing away the grit and sweat of the hours spent on the plane, and you feel like a new person when you step out of the bathroom. You put on sandals and a pair of sunglasses, grab sunscreen, your books and notes for class, and a bottle of water, and throw it all into your beach bag, then head for the door. Joel is already waiting for you, leaning against the wall opposite your door wearing a different shirt, red swimming trunks and dark sunglasses. He’s got a towel thrown over his shoulder and you grin.
"Raw-dogging the beach?“, you ask, which makes him furrow his brows.
"The hell does that mean?“
You snort at his obvious annoyance at your innuendo.
"It means you’re only bringing a towel, nothing to entertain yourself with,“ you explain, gesturing towards your bag. Joel shakes his head, still frowning.
"I’m going to the beach, not the library,“ he answers, and starts walking towards the elevators, his flip-flops making their soft sound on the floor. Your gaze flickers down towards his legs, his swimming trunks revealing tan thighs.
"Comin’?“
You swallow, and catch up with him.
***
He’s fucking gorgeous. It’s a problem, how gorgeous he is, tan torso, swimming trunks low on his hips, bits of dark hair scattered across his chest and soft belly. His shoulders are wide, like they were made for swimming, his hair glistening as he shakes like a wet dog when he comes up for air. You have been staring at the same page for far too long now, but there’s no way Joel is able to notice your staring, not when you’re wearing your sunglasses and he’s busy swimming.
You know it’s a bad idea, that there’s no good that can come from crushing on a man twice your age, more than that, even. You know he must surely see the girl who came over to borrow his bike with tears of anger in her eyes every time he looks at you, and you know how much he respects your father.
Still, you are allowed to have fun. You’re doing this for your Dad more than anything, and you’ve been bending over backwards trying to make him proud with your good grades, so if there’s something you’re able to get out of this trip, you figure you’re at least allowed to look. And anyway, it’s not hurting anyone. It’s just natural, the half-naked bodies and blissful relaxation would affect anyone who has spent the last four months cramped up in a little dorm room.
You watch Joel swim towards the beach again, rising out of the water like some sort of Poseidon sent to personally make this trip unbearable for you. You think of his reaction when you teasingly called him Daddy, and swallow.
"Fuck,“ you mumble to yourself, when he tugs on his swimming trunks so that they don’t slide over his hips, dripping water onto the dry sand all around him. He smiles at you as he makes his way over to your spot – two deckchairs shielded by a parasol.
"Wow,“ Joel says sarcastically, when he looks at your book, still on page two. "Real page turner, huh?“
You blush, and open your mouth to defend yourself, but Joel’s expression softens, all biting humor gone, as he grabs his towel.
"You’re allowed to take a break from studying, you know?“
You watch him dry himself off, big hands rubbing the towel over his chest and stomach, leaving his legs to dry on their own, as he lays down on his deckchair.
"Easy to say, you’re not the one who has to face my Dad if you fail all your exams.“
Joel turns his head towards you, and you’re struck by how gentle his expression is.
"I know he can be a hard ass, but I guarantee you you’re not goin’ to fail all your exams, kid.“
You sigh and shrug.
"He give you a hard time ’cause of your grades?“
"No,“ you answer quickly, all of a sudden feeling defensive of your father. "I just wanna…make him proud.“
Joel smiles.
"I know for a fact you’re doin’ that without even tryin’. And anyway, it’s good to take breaks. Let’s your brain cool off and absorb information much better afterwards.“
Can’t argue with that logic, you think and close your book with a thud. Joel grabs it from you and throws it into your beach bag.
"I grant you two hours of studying each day,“ he says, and you have to laugh. "The rest is for having fun, gettin’ tan and drinkin’ cocktails."
It’s preposterous, that he would order you around like that after you told him you need to study, back before you even made it to the airport. But something is different here, away from your desk, and your Dad’s broken leg (and the rest of him, for that matter). Joel and you have fallen into an easy dynamic, and although it’s unusual, your reservations are gone. You’re actually looking forward to spending time with him, and not just because of the way his belly nudges against the waistband of his swimming trunks, or how his accent seems to thicken in the sun.
"Fine,“ you say, "but you’re paying for my tuition if I do end up failing, Miller.“
He grins at you.
#mine#joel miller#joel miller x reader#joel miller x you#pedro pascal x you#pedro pascal x reader#the last of us part 1#tlou1#tlou#pedro pascal#my writing#dbf!joel#older!joel#smut#Joel miller smut#Joel miller fanfiction#dbf!joel miller#tlou fic#my burning sun will someday rise
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𝐆𝐎𝐎𝐃 𝐎𝐋𝐃-𝐅𝐀𝐒𝐇𝐈𝐎𝐍𝐄𝐃 𝐋𝐎𝐕𝐄𝐑 𝐁𝐎𝐘 !
⟣ sypnosis. you were curious if your boyfriend would pass a ‘loyalty test’ that you’ve seen on social media and you decide to see for yourself, only to discover something much more . . . heartwarming.
⟣ tags. gojo satoru x female reader. mostly tooth rotting fluff. talks about cheating / a sprinkle of trust issues from reader. the rest is satoru just being lovesick.
⟣ note. uhhhh… idk just a random idea i got at three am on a saturday night after being woken up from a nightmare >_< enjoy .
you don’t think satoru would actually ever cheat on you. your curiosity just got the best of you when you saw that one girl do a ‘loyalty test’ on her boyfriend. it was quite simple—testing if your partner would hand you their phone without being suspiciously defensive.
therefore you walked into satoru’s room and spotted him laying on his side, his back facing the door. he didn’t have any earphones in so you could hear the sounds of a movie playing on the phone he held in his hands.
he seemed so peaceful and content that you were already feeling bad for disturbing him with your silly test. you moved to sit on the edge of the bed and cleared your throat, making your presence known as if the sorcerer hadn’t sensed it moments ago.
“are you cheating on me?”
blunt and straight to the point.
satoru pauses the show on his phone and looks at you like you had said the most outrageous thing there is (to him, you really did). he drops the device on the bed and turns his body to face yours; “well—hello to you too, baby.”
he runs a hand through his hair before sitting up against the headboard with a raised brow, one hand cautiously reaching out for you. satoru was thinking about all the things he has said or done previously that could’ve possibly make you think he was screwing around behind your back. his mind worked fast, though he couldn’t come up with any logical explanation.
“answer my question please, ‘toru.” you mumble, feeling slightly guilty for doing this to your lover. you could see the confusion plastered on his face.
“no, i am not.” satoru shakes his head whilst holding your hand in his, thumb brushing against the back of it, “what makes you think that?”
you weren’t about to say ‘oh nevermind then! just a dumb thing that i saw on tiktok’—no, there was still one thing left to do. even if you’re so super sure that your boyfriend was hiding nothing from you. maybe there was an one in a million chance that your intuition was wrong. or maybe it’s just your underlying trust issues speaking.
“uhh, just wanted.. to check.. i guess?” you clear your throat and take a deep inhale before putting your hand out to satoru, palm up.
the white-haired sorcerer looks from your hand to you, and back. he doesn’t know what that indicated, so he takes a simple guess; satoru places his chin on your palm, giving you an amused kind of grin. you raise an eyebrow as he rests his head on your hand—which wasn’t what you wanted to gain from your gesture.
but you couldn’t blame him. it was cute that that was the first thing he thought of doing.
“you’re always welcome to check. got nothin’ to hide anyway.” he shrugs, not offended by your accusation in the slightest. you see the way his blue eyes look up at you—in a way that shows his pure, unadulterated adoration for you.
you nod and scratch satoru under his chin, to which he smiles and closes his eyes, enjoying the tingling touch, “then can i .. look through your phone?”
without an ounce of hesitation, he had placed his phone unlocked in your hand. satoru doesn’t care much about privacy anyway—you’re his girlfriend, you’re the only one allowed to know every single thing about him, “of course, baby.”
your eyes land on the screen and your jaw drops as you see his home screen; a picture of you up close, sleeping with your cheek squished against his arm, own hands resting near your head and . . . is that drool trickling down your chin?
“oops, sorry, you were too cute not to take a picture of.” satoru chuckles as he sees your reaction. he lays back on his side, elbow propped on the pillow with his head resting against his hand—watching you go through his phone with a relaxed look.
you roll your eyes playfully before starting your search. your finger swiped across the screen and landed on the messenger app satoru uses. you click on it and scroll through his chats, but don’t find anything out of the ordinary. he recently talked to you, his first year students, nanami and shoko.
you curiously tap on his chat with shoko and don’t read anything interesting at first glance. you scroll up and take note of how satoru was the one who kept most of the conversation going. shoko’s replies were much shorter and curt—straight to the point.
but then your eyes land on a conversation from two weeks ago. satoru had showed shoko a bunch of selfies you had sent him that same day. he was telling her how ‘cute’ and ‘pretty’ you were, practically bragging about you being his girl.
you scroll up some more and see that he’s done the same many times before; sending shoko pictures of you and kind of rambling to her about how beautiful you are.
shoko—being the good friend she is—indulged into his little lovesick ramblings and agreed with every thing satoru said—even complimenting your looks herself. you begun to get embarrassed at this unexpected revelation.
when going through more of his chats with other people, you realise how much satoru loves to talk about you. you couldn’t possibly count the many times satoru had refused invitations from his students or other friends simply because he wanted to hang out with you instead.
you discovered that he even skipped two or three important meetings at the school to go spend the day with you—nanami scolding him via text each time he did so.
“damn..” you murmur and glance up at your lover after closing his messaging app. satoru was staring right back at you with the biggest grin you’ve ever seen on him.
he wasn’t embarrassed about you reading some of those cheesy and sappy texts at all. in fact, he was happy. he wants you to know how much he loves you (as if he doesn’t show you exactly that every day of the week).
“go on, sweets.” satoru nods towards his phone, encouraging you to continue your inspection. your eyes dart back towards the screen and you shyly swipe and scroll some more, eventually ending up in his gallery.
the first things you noticed: two albums dedicated to you. all were filled with hundreds of pictures of you (and him). one was named ‘my love,’ the other ‘me&my love’ — both with a heart at the end. scrolling through them, you noticed many images you hadn’t even realised were ever taken.
many of those pictures were also favourited in his gallery.
you nibble on your bottom lip and leave the gallery app even more flustered than before. you aimlessly click around some more on his phone. what really surprised you most was that you were named in his reminder app.
there were tons—all added in one long list. some were so pure that you couldn’t contain the slight tears in your eyes;
‘bring gf gifts’, ‘remind gf that she’s amazing’, ‘bring gf lunch’, ‘send gf daily selfie’, ‘daily cuddles w gf (if she wants)’, ‘give gf big smooch (important!)’, ‘check up on gf when away on business’, — satoru doesn’t actually need to have those reminders on his phone. his mind is so full of you that he’ll automatically remember to do everything, almost on autopilot. he just has those there for… well, just in case he somehow ends up forgetting.
you lock his phone after seeing enough and give it back to your lover. you wordlessly crawl over to him on the bed and snuggle up to his body, head resting on his chest.
“sorry.” you quietly apologise. you knew he wasn’t hiding anything, but the fact that you still went ahead and tried out that ‘loyalty test’ on someone as loyal and loving as satoru makes your heart ache a bit. especially after discovering just how smitten he’s with you.
“dunno why you’re apologising—but please don’t.” satoru whispers and rubs your back in a soothing manner, kissing the top of your head and smiling against your scalp afterwards, “it’s fiiine.”
he’s entertained by the reactions to your discoveries, even if those are but mere indications to the actual unending and undying love he holds for you in his heart.
you lift your head up and look at satoru. your bottom lip stuck out, corners of your mouth twitching slightly whilst your eyes started to get a bit glassy. you really felt bad—yet you also felt appreciated on the other hand. if you didn’t go through with your curious idea, you wouldn’t have gotten to know about any of this.
“aww, my sweet, sweet girl.” satoru coos and places two kisses right below each eye, tapping your nose with a grin. he adores the way you look and if it wasn’t for his self control, he’d have nibbled on those cheeks of yours out of playful aggression.
it’s then that satoru remembers one of his daily tasks; one he hadn’t properly done today.
you were caught off guard once more as satoru’s lips crashed down onto yours—no warning given whatsoever. his big hands held onto your cheeks, thumb rubbing the skin there whilst his glossy lips moved against yours in a gentle yet much sloppy way.
“there,” the white-haired man hums in content as he pulls away, giggling once he sees a bit of his saliva coat your mouth. he wipes it away with his thumb, “your smooch of the day.”
you couldn’t help but laugh at the exaggerated cringy way satoru said the latter—your boyfriend laughing right alongside you afterwards.
satoru wasn’t done with you, however. he had many other daily tasks that were yet to be fulfilled.
#sttoru writes.#jjk x reader#gojo x reader#gojo satoru x reader#jjk fluff#jjk x you#gojo x you#satoru x reader#jjk fic#everyone boooo this bcs i hate the way it turned out ☝🏽☝🏽
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promiscuous
in which spencer reid doesn't like that flirty!reader is going on a date. he makes that known. (bandages universe)
flangst, 18+ for discussions of sex warnings/tags: gn!reader I think, mentions of going to a bar/going for drinks, very suppressed mutual pining, jealousy from Spencer, reader implied to engage in casual sex, reader calls themself a slut somewhat disparagingly but like as a joke, it all gets resolved, he is very sweet, he rambles when he's nervous a/n: oh God I love them so much they are like so in love and they literally have no idea at all because they're so dumb... but WE can tell.. turning point for them
“Penelope wanted me to confirm that you guys are coming to drinks with us tonight?”
It’s something of a standing tradition for the BAU on the last Friday of every month, and usually you’d agree, but tonight, you have other plans.
“Raincheck for me,” you say, sliding some files into your bag which you do not plan on reviewing. “I have a thing.”
“What thing do you have on a Friday night?” Morgan asks skeptically. You don’t bother looking at him as you hide a smile.
“A date, Morgan. You jealous?”
“You’re going on a date?”
You’d nearly forgotten Spencer was in the room until he spoke—he’s been in one of those quiet moods of his where he sort of floats around everyone else and makes himself insubstantial. As you cast him a sidelong glance, trying to figure out his tone of voice, you see he’s frowning. Nearly grimacing. His brows are drawn so tight you’re worried he’ll give himself a headache.
“Uh, yeah. I am.” Suddenly, your parade feels a little rained on.
“With who?”
You pause, looking back down at your desk with a new frown of your own and shaking your head as if you could clear it that way. “Just… some guy from OT.”
“Dalton?”
Ding ding ding. Somehow he got it right on the first guess, and for some reason, you wish he hadn’t. You don’t want Spencer knowing who you’re going on a date with. It feels wrong.
“Does it matter?” You evade, shoving your things with a little more force into your bag.
“Well Dalton is an idiot, so I guess I’m just trying to figure out why you’d go out with him.”
“And if it’s not Dalton?”
“Then I’d tell you all the guys in OT are idiots and you shouldn’t waste your time on any of them.”
“Alright—” Morgan passes between your desks, placing a friendly hand on your back as he does. “I’m gonna let you two hash this out by yourselves.” He gives you a look, eyebrows raised, unsmiling, that means, go easy on the kid. It makes you feel terribly guilty. And more than a little defensive.
“Night,” you call halfheartedly. He only waves as the glass doors swing shut behind him, leaving you and boy genius alone in the bull pen.
Silence falls, cloistering you as you finish packing up together. It seems to magnify the buzz of the overheads. You notice him intentionally lingering, and you sling your bag over your shoulder with a sigh.
“Okay,” you say, turning to face him with your whole body. He seems uncomfortable with that, but you’re not letting this go. “What is this? Why are you mad at me?”
“I’m not mad at you,” he mumbles, refusing to meet your eyes. “I just think—”
“Yeah. You’ve made your thoughts abundantly clear. I don’t know why you’re judging me for going on a date.”
“I’m not judging you! I just think you deserve better than a guy who looks like he… snorts protein powder for every meal and has less capacity for intelligent conversation than a mealworm.”
“Okay. Do you have someone in mind?”
The words come out a little sharper than you’d meant for them to. A little louder. Spencer looks like a scolded puppy as he swallows.
“Not specifically. Just—someone more like you.”
He just doesn’t get it. You fold your jacket over your arm.
“Yeah, well, until someone more like me comes along and asks me out, Dalton is the best I’ve got. I know he’s not my soulmate, Reid. But he asked me to drinks, and I said yes.”
The room is mostly dark. Only a few fluorescents remain on to cast Spencer in an almost clinical glow against a dark grey background. You’ve been here before. It feels like an interrogation. An environment where you’re practically begging for the truth without saying please, but there’s only room for measured dishonesty.
Spencer speaks under his breath, fiddling with the strap of his own bag. “He’s not good enough for you.”
“What do you want me to do?” It’s an exasperated, confrontational sigh. Your arms raise and fall heavily back to your sides. Another long grey hallway of silence that leads nowhere. When it becomes clear he doesn’t have the answer, or he’s not comfortable sharing, you straighten. “I’ll see you Monday, Reid.”
Your spirits are completely dampened as you trudge to the elevators. What once seemed like an exciting opportunity now only serves as a depressing reminder that you’re wasting your time with a man who isn’t what you want. Maybe you should just call the whole thing off.
“Wait,” Spencer calls, half-jogging to catch the open elevator. His bag bobs with every step, pens and things jingling around inside. It’s endearing, even though you’re upset with him. Your arms remain stubbornly crossed, but he makes it anyway. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to ruin your mood.”
You laugh dryly. “Yeah, well…”
“It’s just that…” he sniffs and looks down, hair falling in front of his face. He really is sweet, even when he’s kind of a dick. He’s full of so much sincerity he doesn’t know what to do with it all. “I know how you are—you’re special, and funny, and intelligent, and, and Dalton—all those qualities are wasted on him. He looks at you and he just sees a pretty face. It may sound trite, but… he doesn’t deserve you.”
You sigh again, heart squeezing. The glowing light on the panel of floor numbers flickers. “I know your heart is in the right place, alright? But it’s not about who deserves me or who doesn’t. I’m not a prize. I’m a person, and people like to feel wanted. Sometimes, it’s just—it’s about who’s there, and who likes me enough to say it to my face. Sometimes that’s all I need, and I know you didn’t mean it like this, but when you say he doesn’t deserve me, it really seems like you’re not considering what I might want at all. Maybe Dalton is what I want.”
God—this elevator ride is like, comedically long.
“Is he what you want?”
At least he has the bravery to ask.
You glance over at Spencer, washed out bloodless and looking like he’s prepared to flinch, like he doesn’t know if he’s ready for the answer. The doors ding and slide open, and stale air whooshes from the chrome compartment into the lobby like a held breath finally exhaled. You swallow.
“I don’t know why it matters to you.”
“Because you’re my friend and I want to see you happy,” he insists, trailing after you as you speed walk through the lobby. Every click of your heeled boots echos.
“Then shouldn’t you be supporting me?”
“I’m not going to support you in making the wrong choice.”
The conversation spills out into the bitter-cold parking lot. You turn around to face him.
“Respectfully, you have no idea what’s right or wrong for me. I don’t like whatever this is,” you say, gesturing with a finger between the two of you, as if the conflict were a tangible thing—a phone line hanging between your hearts. “I don’t know if it’s, like, jealousy, or some misplaced feeling of possessiveness, or protectiveness, or—”
“It’s not like that!” He splutters.
“Okay—so what is it like? If you want to see me happy, why don’t you support me in pursuing the things that make me happy? And if that’s meaningless sex with some guy from operational tech, so be it! You are not in a position to give your two cents on who I sleep with!”
“I wasn’t trying to—I wasn’t even thinking about—about sex! I don’t care who you sleep with!”
He’s turning increasingly pink.
“Fine. But if you weren’t thinking about sex, if you thought I was under any illusion that Dalton was going to be my fucking Prince Charming then clearly you’re not equipped to have this conversation. I know he’s an idiot. I’m not looking for my soulmate—thank you, though, for reminding me that it’s completely fucking pointless to even pretend. I love you, Spencer, but grow up. And stay out of my business.”
And with that, you’re turning on your heel and marching toward your car. Spencer calls your name—once. Twice. The wind lashes against your bare arms and stings your eyes as you fumble with your keys.
It’s just the wind.
Nothing else.
-
Maybe you’re simply not meant for love.
It’s a narcissistic thought in the sense that everyone has it at some point in their lives—everyone falls victim to the delusion that they are so uniquely wretched, so singularly incapable of being understood by another person. It’s the universal illusion of solitude. And you’d thought yourself above it for a long time. In college, there was fling after fling. Your bed was never empty if you didn’t want it to be. In your young adult life, you have other priorities—but you rarely have to be alone.
Now, though, as you sit on a rickety metal stool deep in the bowels of the Bureau’s records room, banished to sort through files in search of one that had been mishandled during a cold case and is now supposedly relevant again, (although you’re not sure it actually exists) you’re pondering the nature of those connections you’d been so sure your life was full of. Were they all artificial? Designed by you subconsciously to manufacture a sense of complacent satisfaction? To stave off the aching, gnawing loneliness in your gut that you’re only now becoming aware of and has been eating you away in bigger and bigger bites since Friday night?
Morgan was supposed to be just as arm-deep into a box of dusty manila folders as you are now, but he talked his way out of it, and you’re sitting in an awkward twenty-minute-long-so-far silence with Spencer. Which isn’t helping anything.
The tension comes and goes like the moon pulling the tides. It’s like you can sense it wafting off of each other—you feel it in the prickle on the back of your neck and the buzz in your stomach when he’s about to say something, and you glance over, and he’s already looking at you with his lips parted, and then he doesn’t say anything after all, and the silence reinforces itself.
It gets frustrating.
Not to mention this task is equal parts mind numbing and infuriating. Maybe Hotch just hates you.
Eventually Spencer clears his throat, and you welcome the distraction.
“What year are you on?”
You give him a long look which he doesn’t reciprocate, because you want to say, really? But eventually you pick up the edge of the box you’re sifting through and double check.
“Uh… June 1979 through August 1979.”
He nods matter-of-facts. “They should be making us wear gloves.”
Your incoming tangent spidey senses are tingling. It’s not exactly an opportune time, but it’s better than silence.
Plus—you’re pretty sure this is his idea of a peace offering.
“Why’s that?” You mutter, flicking through yellowed papers.
“Wood pulp paper contains an alum-rosin mixture to minimize ink bleeding, but in the presence of moisture such as that introduced in trace amounts by our fingertips it generates a diluted sulfuric acid solution. They didn’t start adding alkaline buffers into paper until 1986, and the cellulose chains that comprise the structure of the paper inevitably shorten and break down over time, so we’re actively degrading these documents by touching them without gloves.”
“Did you say sulfuric acid?”
“I said a diluted sulfuric acid solution,” he clarifies, utterly missing the point of your question as he so often does in that disarmingly endearing way of his. “Sorry, by the way.”
You look up from a photo of bloodied bell-bottom jeans. He’s caught you by surprise.
“For what?”
“For—”
He struggles with the words—you watch his lips form a few silent ones before he gives up on the nonchalant act and sets his file on his lap. He can’t seem to tear his eyes from it, but you don’t mind.
“For everything on Friday. I… I know it was none of my business. I sometimes struggle with… keeping my thoughts to myself. Especially when it concerns someone I care about. But I wasn’t judging you, I swear. What you said about—about sex, I—” he sighs, obviously frustrated with himself, and pushes a bit of hair out of his eyes. “That’s not where my mind was at, at all. Whatever you… do, or don’t do, is none of my business. Obviously. You don’t need me to tell you that. You don’t need me to tell you anything. I just really wanted to clarify that I wasn’t shaming you or judging you for—”
“Spencer,” you say gently, cutting him off and reeling him in before he can dig any deeper.
“Yeah. Sorry.”
He glows under the canned lighting, a soft aura of white blurring the edges of him. The stale room buzzes. It’s otherwise quiet down here. Peaceful, almost.
From anyone else, you might consider it overstepping.
You wouldn’t have been willing to forgive them in the first place.
But it’s not anyone else.
“Thank you, for apologizing. I really appreciate it.”
He glances up at you, sort of hunched—always trying to make himself smaller than whatever force created him had intended. The deep brown of his eyes is melted and swirling and sweet and nervous. He’s not naturally good at these interpersonal things, but he’s always trying. He’s always pushing himself for you.
Do you ask too much?
Do you offer enough in return?
Struck by sudden insecurity, you look away. Go back to your files.
Perhaps you made a mountain out of a molehill and told him to climb it.
“I mean, I am kind of a slut. I wouldn’t blame you for thinking so,” you laugh airily. “Maybe it was a good reality check.”
A trailing silence. An air conditioner kicks on.
“What? That’s not—that’s not at all what I was trying to say.”
“Spencer, it’s fine.”
His stool squeaks as he sits up straighter.
“No, I really want you to understand. Even if I cared or thought about how many people you might sleep with—which I don’t—and even if I determined that you were… sexually promiscuous, I wouldn’t assign a moral value to that judgement. Sexual promiscuity is observed all the time in the animal kingdom, it’s biologically sound and justified and in less misogynistic cultures where bonds forged between humans weren’t socioeconomic arrangements dependent on women being viewed as commodities first and foremost, it’s completely unremarkable. But I haven’t made that determination. All I know is that… you’re you. And that’s all that’s ever going to matter to me.”
Silence falls. Your voice gets stuck in your throat.
How does he so casually show you more kindness than anyone else has ever managed to show you in your life?
Spencer takes pity on you.
“And… we’ve talked entirely too much about something that’s none of my business today.”
It’s wry and earns a chuckle from you. Even Spencer manages a chagrined smile. That same strand of hair falls loose as he looks down. Light bounces from his self-effacing smirk.
You fiddle absentmindedly with the fraying corner of a folder, and you’re about to open your mouth, about to speak into the sparkling cloud that the easy laughter and the melted tension has left in its wake, and tell him how much you appreciate him and how kind he truly is and undoubtedly whatever you say will be made more beautiful because of it—because of the affection you have for each other—and then you stop, eyes catching on the case file between your fingers. You frown.
“Wait—what’s the case number we’re looking for?”
“91 18 00063 7.”
You hold the file up, eyes alight.
“I found it.”
Spencer frowns and takes it without asking. You watch as he reviews the number in tiny black typeface along the top of the document. His brow scrunches in disbelief.
“I genuinely didn’t think we were ever going to find it,” he murmurs after leading through the photos and glances back up at you. “We had thirty years of boxes to look through and you found it in under an hour. You’re like magic.”
It’s impossible not to smile. You feel all warm and sparkly as you snatch it back from him and stand, straightening your jacket.
“Will you tell that to Hotch?”
“I… will tell anyone who will listen,” he assures you, and you’re confident he’s following as you make your way through the maze of stacks. “Are we not gonna clean up our mess?”
“There are people who will take care of that later.”
“Yeah. Like me. During my lunch break.”
“Don’t worry. You’re going to be well rewarded for your efforts today.”
“What does that mean?” He mumbles, and you can practically hear his blush.
You smile to yourself.
Still got it.
for more of these two, check out the bandages universe masterlist!
#spencer reid x reader#spencer reid fic#spencer reid fanfic#spencer reid fanfiction#spencer reid fluff#spencer reid x you#spencer reid one shot#spencer reid x fem!reader#spencer reid x y/n#criminal minds x you#criminal minds imagine#criminal minds fic#criminal minds fanfic
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Sugar
best friend!san x fem reader
Trigger warnings: none that i can think of
Content warnings: names (sweetheart, baby, sugar), oral (m&f receiving), choking (briefly), breeding, dacryphilia (kinda?), san’s got a big dick (what else is new) and is down horrendous for mc.
Summary: your best friend just can’t keep his hands to himself
Word count: 5.7k
A/N: hey babes! i finally finished it!!! its unpolished as fuck but it’s done!!! it’s only taken me forty-seven years 🥴 not saying this is a full comeback as i’m still dealing with some personal shit but i hope i’ll have something else for you relatively soon. anyways, pls reblog if you enjoy the story!! 🥰🫶🏻
Tags: @bahng-chrizz @foxinnie8
Smut below the cut
Most likely to remain high school sweethearts. That’s the yearbook superlative you and your best friend had been awarded your senior year of high school. The kicker? You had never dated him. The thought had just never crossed your mind. You were content being the hot best friends that everyone either wanted to get with or wanted to be. He wasn’t, but you didn’t know that.
Choi San had harbored the biggest crush on you since the two of you were fifteen. He’d gone through a hard breakup back then, his ex spreading rumors and lies all through school, and despite claiming he was fine because he was a player, he was heartbroken. He had been in love with the girl and she’d broken his heart and tried to ruin his reputation. So when you comforted him and confronted his ex, which ended in a cat fight in the hallway that got both of you suspended, he began to fixate on you. He dated around to keep his mind busy and off you, but he was infatuated with his best friend. With the girl who would throw down with anyone who wronged him.
He’d been heartbroken when he found out you were going away for college instead of staying local, even more so when he realized the school you’d chosen didn’t have the major he wanted. He was distraught at first, thinking you’d be too far apart to visit often. Every school he looked at seemed so far away from yours until he found the school where he was currently enrolled. This one was only an hour drive away from you and he was relieved to find that your schedule at your part time job still allowed for you two to take turns visiting each other every weekend.
You were oblivious to his feelings. You often noticed how he had trouble sleeping at your apartment but whenever you asked, he claimed he’d developed insomnia. He hadn’t, he just couldn’t sleep because of the thoughts that filled his mind from knowing you were in the next room. He felt guilty to be honest. He was constantly having dirty thoughts that normal people didn’t have about their best friend. Your mere presence reduced him to little more than a giddy, horny teenager.
You also noticed that he became more clingy after the two of you left for college but you never addressed that. He was always an affectionate person and adjusting to college life was definitely hard, so you figured it was probably that. That was part of it. But really, he just missed you. It was that simple. He missed his best friend and his heart leapt every time you opened your door or he opened his. Seeing your face made everything so much better.
Today was no different. He lit up like a neon sign when your door swung open to reveal you in a cropped white hoodie and a pair of black yoga pants, a bright smile on your face. “Sannie!” You held your arms open and he immediately stepped inside, wrapping his arms around your waist and hooking his chin over your shoulder. Everything that had been bothering him up until that moment melted away as you hugged him, your grip tightening right before you stepped back. Oh how he loved your hugs.
You led him inside and motioned for him to sit on the sofa as you grabbed the bag of goodies you’d bought the night before. “I got your favorites.” You grinned as you rejoined him, opening the bag to show him the snacks, sodas, and alcohol you’d purchased. “Oh, also, my roommate is staying with her boyfriend this weekend so you can yell at the tv all you want, we don’t have to be quiet.”
He managed to conceal the excitement he felt at your words, knowing you didn’t mean what he was thinking. “Noted.” He hummed as he settled in. “Are we picking back up where we left off on that anime?”
“We can. I think we can finish the next season if we stay glued to the couch all weekend.” You hummed as you began to stage the snacks on the coffee table, only then realizing you’d forgotten glasses for the alcohol. “We can watch something else if you don’t want to watch that though. I’ve got some other streaming services if you wanna watch a drama.” You shrugged as you got up, heading to the kitchenette.
When you came back, he was sprawled out on your couch. His arms were resting on the back and he had the full man spread going on. He kind of resembled a starfish like that and you rolled your eyes as a smile tugged at your lips. You froze when he let out a low groan as he stretched, throwing his head back. Suddenly, images of you getting him off flashed in your mind. “Let’s watch that. We can watch a drama next weekend.”
You cleared your throat a bit and nodded as you recovered. “Okie dokie.” You singsonged as you joined him, sitting close enough that you could feel his body heat but still leaving enough space that you didn’t have those thoughts again. Where the fuck had that come from? You grabbed one of the bags of chips and settled in, his arm sliding down from the back of the couch to rest on your shoulders as you pulled up the show.
The episode started and you opened the bag, offering it up to San, who shook his head. “I’m good right now, sugar.” You shrugged and leaned into him, pulling your legs up underneath you. He tensed when he realized he’d called you something he’d only imagined calling you but you didn’t seem to mind so he forced himself to relax.
What you didn’t address was the surge of arousal that flooded your body. You were a bitch for pet names and he knew that. You weren’t sure why you were turned on by his words, though. It was San. Sure he was beautiful but he had never affected you like this before. Clearly it had been too long since the last time you’d slept with someone.
Your eyes locked on the screen and you focused solely on that for four episodes before you became aware of the ache in your joints. You’d managed to sit perfectly still for two hours straight and now your body was screaming at you to move. You gently shrugged San’s arm off your shoulders and stood as the fifth episode began, letting out a soft groan of appreciation as you stretched your muscles and cracked every joint you could.
The sound of your voice caught San’s attention and his eyes locked on the exposed portion of your back, wondering what it would feel like to press kisses there. Should I try and find out? Absolutely not. Why the fuck would you even think about that? Fucking dumbass. He shook his head and let out a sigh just as you turned to ask him if he needed anything from the kitchen. “What’s wrong?” You asked softly, noticing how irritated and distressed he looked.
“Huh?” His head snapped up and his jaw dropped slightly before he recovered. “Nothing, I’m fine.” He gave you a warm smile and you responded with a confused but playful wrinkle of your nose before heading off to grab a water. That was fucking close.
You opened the bottle and took a big gulp as you reentered the room, finding him sitting up properly now. He patted the spot next to him and you plopped down beside him, leaning back into his side, this time with your back to him. You brought your feet back up on the couch and took his hand, guiding his arm around your neck in a hug and tipping your head back to rest on his shoulder.
As you once again became enthralled with the show, his fingers absentmindedly traced shapes on the side of your neck. You shuddered at his touch every few minutes but didn’t register any of it as you focused on the tv. You whined a little when he moved his arm back to the back of the sofa but didn’t protest further, too invested in the show to care too much. You shifted to rest your head on San’s lap, grabbing one of the throw pillows to lay on.
With you stretched out like this, San was struggling to focus on the show. He was fixated on your exposed belly and began to discreetly drop his arm off the back of the couch towards your waist. He bit his lip as his hand made contact with your warm flesh, trying to appear focused on the show like you. You glanced up at him and took a moment to admire the view of his jawline before poking his chin. He looked startled and almost guilty when his gaze met yours. “What’s up with you today?” You asked in a teasing tone. “You seem extra cuddly and touchy-feely.”
“What, I can’t be touchy-feely with my best friend?” He grinned down at you and something in you shifted. “I just missed you. We used to see each other every day and for the last two years we’ve only been able to see each other on weekends.”
“Simpler times.” You sighed and turned your attention back to the screen, not bothering to move his hand. It felt nice.
He was surprised that you hadn’t swatted him away but he certainly wasn’t about to complain when you were delicately tracing shapes on the back of his hand. His heart was pounding and he was thankful you hadn’t continued with that line of questioning because he wasn’t sure if he could form a coherent sentence at this point. He should’ve known better than to start to get comfortable though. The second his hand wandered a bit higher, you grabbed his wrist and he froze. Fuck.
“That’s more than touchy-feely, San, that was almost my titty.” You didn’t appear to move your attention from the tv but all you could think about was just how close his hand was to your chest. What had gotten into him? And why were you so affected by his touch? You were just friends…right?
“Oh…sorry.” He mumbled, trying to appear nonchalant despite his internal panic. You didn’t buy it though and looked up at him again, taking note of his flaming cheeks. Cute.
“Seriously, San, what’s actually going on with you?” You hated how harsh your voice came out. You hated the way he flinched at your words. You weren’t trying to scold him, you wanted to put out feelers.
“Nothing.” He shook his head and refused to look at you. You thought for a moment before biting your lip. You clearly didn’t buy it and wanted to ask if he was thinking what you were so suddenly thinking. You were about to speak up when he continued. “I’m just tired. Come cuddle.” He opened his arms.
“Tired already?” He nodded. “Must suck to be any woman you fuck.” You snorted.
“I’ll have you know I have excellent stamina, thank you.” He fired back instantly and you laughed. There he was.
“I’ll believe it when I see it, gramps.”
“Is that an invitation, sweetheart?” You were almost taken aback at his tone, as you’d only heard him use it when he was actively trying to bed someone.
“San-” He just laughed and shook his head as if to assure you he was only teasing. Somehow that bothered you more. Desire had already begun to pool between your legs. You gave a little huff and released his wrist, which you’d been holding this whole time, abruptly sitting up as you swatted his hand away. You turned to look at him as the pillow you’d been resting on toppled from his lap, exposing the semi he was rocking. So he actually did want you. “Yeah, actually, it is.” He sat in stunned silence and you bit the inside of your lip to hide the smile tugging at the corners of your mouth, only speaking once you had successfully concealed your grin. “What? Did you think I’d get flustered and back off?” You raised an eyebrow and tilted your head to the side, your tone almost mocking.
“Yeah, kin-”
“Cute.” You cut him off and placed a hand on his thigh as you leaned towards him, your gaze flicking towards his lips for a brief moment before lifting back to his eyes, which still refused to actually look at you. “Tell me, Sannie, how long did it take you to work up the courage to try and feel me up?”
“I wasn’t-”
“Oh come on.” You rolled your eyes, your hand trailing a bit higher on his thigh as your voice dipped a bit. “You’re already half hard, clearly you were trying to get something out of me.” He squirmed at both your words and your touch, suddenly trying to squeeze his thighs together as he avoided eye contact in favor of staring at your hand, which he felt was far too close to his crotch for him to properly think.
He didn’t get a chance to respond before you spoke up again. “It’s never crossed my mind before, but now that I’m thinking about it, there’s so many things I could do to you, Sannie.” You whispered as you moved your hand away from the swell in his gray sweats and moved to straddle his lap. “What do you think? Should I?” You rolled your hips, grinding against his hard on, and he nodded far too quickly for his liking.
“Please do…” He whispered back, finally meeting your eyes. “Anything you want. ‘M all yours.” You got the feeling he wasn’t just referring to the current moment but you weren’t in any state to be asking for clarification.
You weren’t sure if you were prepared for the ramifications of fucking your best friend but you would have to deal with that later. The ache between your legs required immediate attention. You carded your fingers through his hair before turning your hand into a fist and tugging his head back. Your other hand rested on his neck as you caught his lips in a demanding kiss. The whimper that slipped past his lips went straight to your pussy and you shivered, leaning into his touch when his hands moved to your ass.
He was short circuiting. He was finally getting the chance to touch you and you weren’t pushing him away. In fact, you were the one initiating it. He licked over your bottom lip but you refused him entry, taking the chance to nibble on his lip instead. He gasped against your lips and you smirked, subconsciously tightening your grip on his hair.
“I never pegged you as the submissive type, Sannie.” You teased and he frowned against your lips, clearly pouting. Despite being a switch, he was more dominant than submissive. He was just following your lead because he’d dreamt about this for ages and he didn’t want to get ahead of himself. “Don’t worry, I’ll be nice to you. I’ve been told I’m almost too gentle.”
He whined at your ribbing and you chuckled softly as you pulled back, moving to sit on the floor between his legs. His eyes followed your every movement. You sat on your knees and pushed his oversized tee up a bit to admire his toned stomach before hooking your fingers in the waistband of his sweats. You tugged them down, his now-fully-hard cock springing free and slapping against his belly. “No underwear? Must’ve been real confident things would play out like this, huh?”
“No, actually. I just rarely wear them.” He rolled his eyes and you made a face. He seemed to be getting bolder and you weren’t sure how you felt about that. You were having fun with him. If he decided to take over…well, you doubted that would happen but you might have a brat on your hands.
You didn’t respond, just finished pulling his pants to his ankles, took his dick in your hand, and licked the head. His head tipped back as he let out a surprisingly deep groan and your previous visions came rushing back to you. He looked and sounded just as pretty as you imagined when you took him in your mouth.
“Holy fucking shit, y/n…” He groaned, one hand moving to rest on his belly, holding his shirt up while the other curled into a fist on the sofa. You hummed at his reaction and continued, taking him as far as you could manage. You gagged a little around him and he hissed, his hips jerking a fraction of an inch before he could stop himself. “S-sorry. ‘M sorry, y/n. Didn’t mean to.”
You giggled softly at his apology and he bit his lip, looking down at you. You bobbed your head as your gaze met his and he damn near lost his mind. You looked so pretty with his cock in your mouth. He wanted the image burned in his memory for the rest of his life. Who knew when or if he’d get the chance to do this again?
Given how you responded to his accidentally fucking your face, he decided to experimentally roll his hips. He almost met God when the tip slipped down your throat and you gagged around him, swallowing harshly as you tried but failed to relax your throat. You’d never deepthroated before and it showed as you tried to recover, tears filling your eyes and quickly overflowing to your cheeks. He gently pulled you off and wiped your cheeks, cooing at you as you coughed. “Breathe for me, sugar.” You nodded and took a deep breath, letting him dry your face. “I’m sorry. I don’t know what possessed me to do that. Are you okay?”
You nodded again and offered a small smile. “I’m fine.”
“Are you sure? I don’t wanna go full send and hurt you or-”
“I’m fine, Sannie. I promise.” He finally nodded after a few beats of silence and you tilted your head, eyes narrowing as you studied him for a moment. “Now, what’s with the name? You said it earlier too.”
He looked panicked at first before a grin crept onto his face. “Well, I would call you honey since you’re so sweet, but I feel like that’s a bit overdone, don’t you agree?” You shrugged in agreement and he leaned down, taking your jaw in his hand and jerking you closer. He was a breath away and you were going haywire. “I wonder if your personality is all that’s sweet.”
“What are you saying?” You asked quietly, surprising both of you at just how quickly you’d folded with a single rough touch. So much for him not taking over.
“I wanna taste you, y/n.” He moved to whisper in your ear and your breath hitched. “Every. Single. Inch.” He punctuated his words by kissing and licking up the side of your neck, then biting down softly on your earlobe and drawing out a tiny whimper.
You squeezed your thighs together and closed your eyes for a moment. You grounded yourself with a deep breath before opting to respond by simply tugging at his cock, teasing the head with your thumb. The groan he let out scratched an itch in your brain you never knew existed and his grip on your jaw grew tighter as he inhaled your scent.
“Get up.” You blindly followed his command, standing when he backed away. He didn’t speak as he kicked his pants the rest of the way off and stood with you, hauling you over his shoulder before starting for your room. You squeaked in surprise but didn’t fight, a smile creeping across your face.
You couldn’t stifle the giggle that slipped out when he kissed your side. It shouldn’t have tickled as much as it did.
San had an idea of the things you liked, you’d both talked about your escapades enough, so it came as no surprise to you when he gently placed you on your feet only to grab you by the throat and push you back onto the bed. Still, a thrill ran through your body as you wrapped your hands around his wrist. You sucked in a gasp just before he began to apply pressure to the sides of your throat, your eyes rolling back.
You felt his breath on your face as he leaned down to crash his lips against yours. Your hands left his arm and moved to his shirt, pulling him as close as possible. As he slipped his tongue into your mouth, he slowly relieved the pressure on your throat, allowing blood flow to return to normal and give you a head rush. You moaned into the kiss and wrapped your legs around his waist in a desperate attempt to keep him close when he started to pull away.
“I’ve always wanted to do that…” His voice was a low rumble that made your panties uncomfortably wet. “Always wanted to try everything you mentioned being into. The choking, the biting, the breeding…everything.”
If you weren’t aware of your panties sticking to your folds before, you were after that. “Please do.” You exhaled, trying to pull him back in even as he righted himself between your legs. “All of it. Whatever you want.”
“Whatever I want?” He raised an eyebrow as his hands moved to rest on your hips and you nodded. “Anything?”
“Anything.” You nodded again and bit down on your bottom lip when he rocked his hips, the blunt head of his cock smearing precum across your yoga pants as he rubbed against you. “Please…”
He didn’t speak as his hands slid up your sides, fingers inching under the hem of your hoodie and ghosting over your cool skin. He reached higher still until his hands cupped your breasts. “No bra? Must've been real confident things would play out like this, huh?”
You rolled your eyes and tried not to laugh as the conversation from only a few minutes prior repeated itself. “No, actually. I just rarely wear one.”
“Take it off.” He groaned in response, pushing your hoodie up so your chest was entirely exposed. You sat up, which took a bit of effort given your legs were draped over his thick thighs, and pulled the surprisingly-thin material over your head. He immediately knocked you back and caught your lips in a feverish kiss, propping on one arm while his free hand wandered along your belly.
Your arms wrapped around him, one hand moving to his back while the other tangled in his faded pink locks. He’d dyed his hair magenta a few weeks back and it had since lost its vibrancy - though not before staining a few towels and his pillowcase. You gave his hair a gentle tug and he groaned into your mouth, sending a wave of electricity down your spine.
He began to trail kisses along your jaw and neck as his hand cupped your breast, his thumb swiping back and forth over your nipple. You pushed your chest into his touch, head tipping back as your back arched. Your breath hitched when he brought his kisses to your chest, lips encasing your nipple as his tongue flicked back and forth. “Sannie-” You gasped, your grip on his hair tightening. His hand gave your other breast equal attention, lightly pinching and rolling your nipple before swapping sides.
You couldn’t say you’d ever been curious about what it would be like to sleep with San but you were certain his skills would exceed his reputation if he already had you drenched with minimal effort. You wondered if he could feel the wet patch between your legs, starting to soak through your yoga pants.
He could. He found himself eager to bury his head between your legs despite being determined to take his time with you. He worried he’d disappoint you if he moved too quickly but he still began his descent, peppering sloppy kisses down your belly as his fingers hooked in your waistband. He took your pants and panties both in one go as he moved off the bed. You didn’t miss his sharp inhale.
“Y/N…” Your face flushed red as he knelt between your legs, gaze locked on your glistening cunt. You wanted to tell him not to stare, to urge him along, but you couldn’t seem to break your silence. Finally, you lifted your head and he met your eyes, his own eyes widening in something akin to adoration, though more intense. “Is this all for me, sugar?” There was that name again. You nodded eagerly but he shook his head. “Words.”
You frowned a bit, annoyed that he was making you speak up when he could just take one look at you and know. Of course, you knew he wouldn’t give in so you gave a soft whine before speaking. “Yes, Sannie, it’s all yours.”
You didn’t know why you were so against speaking up. The sound he made the second you did respond made you clench around nothing. He noticed, of course, and let out a low groan as he hooked your legs over his shoulders and kissed your thigh. “May I touch?”
“Please do.” You whispered and caught your lip between your teeth.
He continued to litter your thighs with messy kisses and soft bites as his fingertips teased their way up to your pussy, never once breaking eye contact. Your head fell back to the sheets as soon as you felt him run a finger through your folds, gathering up some of your arousal. He moved torturously slowly, rubbing feather-light circles on your clit before easing one digit into you.
“You’re drenched, baby…” His voice, though painfully sexy, was full of wonder and amusement.
“Your fault…” You mumbled and he chuckled softly.
One finger wasn’t enough. You needed more. He could tell and you felt him smirk against your skin as he curled his finger. You let out a soft sigh at the action but he wasn’t satisfied and so he added another finger, and another when you still didn’t give him the response he wanted.
“Fuck this cunt’s gonna feel so good-” He sighed.
Now three fingers deep, he began his search for your g-spot. It didn’t take him very long if your embarrassingly loud moan was anything to go by. “So fucking pretty, baby.” He groaned, suppressing another sound when you clenched around his fingers. “You like it when I call you pretty? Or was it ‘baby’?” He teased.
“Both.” It was all you could muster as he leaned in and flicked his tongue over your clit. You immediately brought a hand up to your mouth to stifle your sounds but he pulled back and nipped at your thigh.
“Let me hear.” At that point, you had no fight left in you. You just wanted him to touch you and you’d do anything to get your way. You gave a nod, a small ‘okay’ slipping from your lips, and he slowly leaned back in, lips closing around your clit. He sucked and you let out a soft curse, bringing your hands to your chest to knead at the soft flesh of your breasts. He groaned in appreciation and set a slow pace, working you up with his fingers while his tongue traced different shapes over your clit.
You suddenly felt ridiculous for never having wondered if he truly lived up to his reputation. He was proving to you just how good he was and you were cursing yourself for never having thought about having his head between your legs. “Sannie- oh-” You keened, one hand flying to tangle in his hair once more as he pressed against your g-spot at the same time as he sucked on your clit. You wouldn’t last long like this. He was too good.
Your toes curled as he brought you closer and closer to the edge, his tongue dipping into you occasionally in place of his fingers. Your muscles ached with the tension that was building but you knew you wouldn’t be relaxed until he made you cum. Hoping to encourage him to get you off faster so he’d fuck you, you began babbling praises, only inflating his ego.
He made sure you felt his appreciative groan before pulling back for a quick breath then diving back in, tongue flicking with vigor. His cock throbbed as he inhaled your scent and his eyes rolled back briefly. He wanted more of you. All of you. So when you announced you were close, he backed away entirely and smirked. “Not yet, baby.”
“Sannie, what the fuck?” You whined indignantly, lifting your head when he sat up between your legs.
“Decided I want you to cum on my cock instead.” He shrugged, moving up the bed to catch your lips in a kiss. You were surprised by how sweet the kiss was considering how feral he’d just been acting over your pussy but you welcomed it, tugging him closer with a soft groan as you tasted yourself.
“So fuck me then.” You whispered between kisses, lapping your juices off his lips a moment later. The whole scenario was filthy and intoxicating.
“You mean like this?” He grunted as he slid into you with ease. Your jaw dropped and you gasped at the stretch. He fit perfectly, like you were made for each other - a thought that both terrified and intrigued you. He wasted no time in setting a slow, deep pace, each thrust driving you up the bed with the force.
“Just like that, Sannie.” You nodded furiously, wrapping an arm around his broad shoulders while your other hand twisted the sheets by your head.
San was on another planet. He finally had you. You, the girl of his dreams ever since he was fifteen. He was finally fully sheathed inside your warmth and he never wanted to leave. He’d give anything to stay with you.
He hadn’t intended to babble that out loud and realized his error when you responded.
“Yeah? Anything?”
“Anything.”
“Then fuck me harder and treat me like the most precious thing you’ve ever held.”
It was an easy ask. He had no problem cherishing you. Even as his hips began to snap harder and faster, the sound of skin slapping filling the room, he showered you with kisses and words of adoration. “So fucking good, baby. Do you have any clue how long I’ve wanted to feel this perfect little pussy? To make you fall apart on my cock?”
“Tell me, Sannie. Tell me how long you’ve wanted me.”
“God- ever since we were in school. It was so hot the way you fucked her up for hurting me and I’ve wanted you ever since.” His admission sent a thrill rushing through you and you clenched involuntarily, earning a low groan from him.
“And you held it together for that long? Fuck, Sannie, you- oh-” The tip of his cock just barely kissed your cervix but it was enough to make your thighs squeeze his hips.
“Shit, baby, you keep that up and I’ll cum…”
“Then keep fucking me just like that.” You demanded, back arching as he dipped his head down to lick and suck on your chest. He caught your nipple in his mouth and allowed his teeth to graze the stiff peak, grunting against your skin when your walls fluttered in response. “Want you to cum inside as many times as you can until you make me cum.” It wasn’t a demand or a plea, it was just a simple fact but he was eager to comply with your wishes.
“Christ, y/n, you’re killing me…” San groaned, resting his forehead on your chest as his hips pistoned relentlessly. He pulled back just enough to look up at you and you could tell by his expression just how close he was. “You really want that? Want me to breed you like a good little cocksleeve and keep filling you up over and over until you fall apart for me?”
Your nod and whimper were the only convincing he needed. He let go instantly, stars dancing behind his eyes as he pumped you full of cum. This was all he’d wanted for the better part of a decade and he was on cloud nine over finally getting you.
He briefly pulled out and flipped you over, taking a moment to watch a bead of cum drip down your folds before he slammed back into you. He might regret this later given how sensitive he was but he needed to give you anything you asked for.
Your back arched as he hit your sweet spot and you let out a soft cry. “There! Just like that!”
It didn’t take long before he felt another orgasm building. He warned you and you demanded he continue, begging him to give it to you. His cock twitched and he let go at your behest, filling you all over again.
Before he was finished, he reached around to roll your clit between his thumb and forefinger. He delighted in the squeal you let out and did it again, tears welling in his eyes from all the sensation.
“Oh god, Sannie, I’m so close!” You cried, your thighs trembling as your orgasm threatened to wash over you.
“Cum for me, sugar.” His voice was a low rumble in your ear, hoarse with unshed tears, and you couldn’t hold back. You let out another squeal as he toyed with your clit, tipping you over the edge. Your high hit you like a bus and you let out a sob of ecstasy as your pussy clamped down on San’s leaking cock.
You felt a tear fall on your back and gently pushed him back, forcing yourself to roll over. “You okay?” You asked softly as you pulled him to you, still buzzing with the aftershocks of your orgasm.
“‘M fucking perfect.” He offered a lazy smile as he leaned down to capture your lips in a sweet kiss.
“Mm then what’s this?” You teased as you pulled back, wiping a tear from his cheek.
“Proof that I’ve met my match.” He chuckled softly and wiped his face dry. “Seriously, that was…fucking amazing.”
“It was. Can someone explain to me why we didn’t do this sooner?”
“Who knows.” He shrugged and flopped down beside you, then pulled you to lay on top of him. “But I say we do this every weekend, sugar.” He laughed deeply when you swatted his chest in response but deep down you knew this was more than a one time occurrence.
#kpop smut#ateez#ateez smut#ateez x reader#choi san#choi san smut#choi san x reader#alura’s works#pls reblog if you enjoy this!!
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