#is it weird that i’m contemplating to just read until 5 am came around

[catastrxblues]

i’ve finally finished it thank god. physics, you and i have a very toxic relationship that we need to fix asap.

[forever-rogue]

hi! if you’re accepting requests from prompt list #2, does angst to fluff count lol. 5 from angst, 49 from fluff lists! with reader thinking din loves someone else 🥺 i like mando x omera but.. reader who perhaps doesnt have the skills omera has and sees how din looks at her… THE ANGST 😌🤌

AN | Me, writing some Din? It’s been a hot minute, but here we are. I miss him 🥺

Warnings | None

Pairing | Din x Fem!Reader

Masterlist | Din, Main

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

A small sigh, a wistful little thing, escaped your lips as you studied the gently lapping water of the lake. It was calm here, a peaceful, tranquil place that served as a welcome refuge after all that you'd been through in the last few years. Sometimes it seemed almost too good to be true. The distant sounds of laughter met your ears as children ran around and played, carefree as could be. Sometimes you wished you were that young again; innocent to life’s darker sides. Unfortunately that wasn’t a possibility, but for now you’d take the peace and stillness you could get.

Pulling off your boots and socks, you quickly tossed them to the side. The water was warm as you relaxed and leaned back, closing your eyes and soaking up the warmth of the summer sun. It wasn’t until you heard the familiar voice that your eyes slowly snapped back opened. Your heart constricted slightly as you spotted Din nearby speaking to Omera. He seemed so happy, in a much better mood than you’d seen in a long time. It was all her, and you remained invisible. Which, when it came to most things wasn’t too bad, but sometimes you wished he would see you.

“Is somebody jealous?” you hadn’t even heard the bounty hunter walk over; you supposed that’s one of the many reasons he was the best in the galaxy. Boba offered a small grimace before sitting down next to you. You shrugged him off staring back into the water. You were not about to get into anything with Boba; that man was insufferable and usually right.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” you brushed him off, trying desperately not to look back at Din. Instead, you focused on the water and watched the tiny fish whiz through the water; a few of them brushed by your feet, sending a ticklish shiver up your spine, “I’m just...enjoying the calm afternoon sun and soaking up as much peace before we inevitably leave again.”

“That’s how this all works,” Boba sighed as you nodded in agreement, “you knew that from the day you became my apprentice.”

“I know,” you whispered, “but I hoped at one point I could...walk away and have a normal life. Like this.”

“Normal is all relative,” he had a point as you huffed lightly and stood up, brushing off your pants and reaching for your boots, “but if this is what you want, what you truly want, you know you’re welcome to leave whenever. I would not hold you back from the life you wanted.”

“I know, Boba,” you put your hand on his shoulder and gave it a light squeeze, “the problem is that I don’t really know what I want...I think I know but...it’s more than that.”

“Of course,” he agreed, casting a quick glance at the object of your affections before turning back to you, “I’m sure you’ll figure it out.”

“Either way, it will work out, just as it always does,” you swallowed the lump that had welled up in your throat, “Boba, why are you doing this?”

“I just want to make sure you’re happy - that you know that you have choices in what you’re doing,” he said like it was no big deal, but to you it meant so much. This hardened, sometimes gruff man really did have a heart of gold underneath it all, “should you want to part ways, I would understand. Should you want to stay, I’d be more than happy to have you with me. I don’t know what the future holds for myself, Fennec, or Djarin, but you know it will not always be easy. But sometimes you have to decide what’s most important.”

“Yes,” you answered softly, “thank you, Boba.”

He remained silent as you laced up your boots before padding away, back towards the village. You knew you had a lot to think about and if you wanted things to change at all, you’d have to figure out something. You cast a glance over your shoulder and you were almost positive that you’d spotted Din looking in your direction. But it was all a trick of the mind; it had to be. Why would he spare you more than a passing thought anyways?

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

It was late by the time he found you; much later than any reasonable person should have been outside, but you couldn’t sleep. There was too much on your mind to silence, and if you managed to, it was short-lived and another thought came to replace the previous one. Eventually you’d given up and wandered out of the small hut home that had been acting as your own home for the last couple of months. You knew the area was safe and wanted to enjoy the temperate night air before it turned to a crisp fall breeze, or worse - you’d be gone.

Small bugs chirped happily along with the soft songs of nightbirds as you walked around the sleeping village; you weren’t scared here, you felt safe and at home. But as you rounded a corner, a gloved hand reached out and grabbed your wrist. A small yelp of surprise left your lips as you pulled into a wall of cool metal - beskar.

“Shhh,” Din placed a finger to his lips as you relaxed when you realized it was him, “you’ll wake everyone up. It’s just me.”

“Dank Farrik!” you hissed at him, “how was I supposed to know that? You could have been a murderer!”

“Well….you should be in bed sleeping.”

“So should you!” your arms crossed over your chest as you stared him down, and eventually he huffed in defeat, realizing you were right. He couldn’t sleep either, plagued by the choices he knew that he had to make sooner rather than later. He hadn’t expected you to be out as well, “what are you doing anyway?”

“Couldn’t sleep,” he admitted, scratching the back of his neck nervously, a flash of...something in his dark eyes, “I thought that some fresh air would clear my head.”

“Same here,” you admitted reluctantly, leaving the two of you in an awkward silence. You wished you had enough bravery (or perhaps even stupidity) in your body to just say something to him then and there. At least it would be out of the way; but you weren’t feeling anything but nervous butterflies fluttering in your tummy, “I...umm...I guess I’ll get back. Try and sleep.”

“Hey-” he reached for your arm gently before you could get too far away. You turned around and raised an eyebrow as he opened and closed his mouth a few times, “d-did I do something wrong?”

“What? What are you talking about?” the question caught you off guard, but judging by the look on his face, you could sense that this was something he had been thinking for some time.

“You’ve been different lately...it almost feels like you’re avoiding me.”

“Oh DIn, you’re being ridiculous,” and yet the accusation was very true.

“You’re fine around Boba, Fennec...everyone else. But every time I’m around it feels like you can’t wait to get away,” you should have known that he would have noticed sooner or later. The man was more observant than you’d cared to admit, “if I did something, please tell me.”

“You can’t be serious, Djarin. There’s nothing wrong…”

“Then why have you been avoiding me?”

“I haven’t been doing anything. You’ve got too much free time and your mind is running wild.”

“Tell me it’s not true then.”

“Din-”

“Tell me.”

“The problem is that you’re in love with someone else,” the words were out of your mouth before you even contemplated them. You were mortified and in some ways you were relieved. At least it was all out in the open now and you were able to let the chips land where they may.

“Oh,” was his only response as his head tilted to the side and he looked at you in confusion, “what?”

“I...kriff,” you sighed, “I shouldn’t have said that. Sorry - forget I said anything.”

“Who am I in love with?”

“What do you mean?” tears welled up in your eyes at his response; almost like a cruel joke, “you know, everyone knows! Omera; and why wouldn’t you be? She’s wonderful - kind, smart, beautiful … everything. Part of me wants to dislike her, but I can’t because she’s such a good person but it kills me a little bit to know that you love her and you’ll never even think twice about me. I know that’s super selfish but it’s the way I feel; and judging from how this is going I think I’m making the right decision by leaving. By myself.”

Din said nothing as a few tears rolled down your cheeks. You laughed bitterly at yourself before realizing that this might have been the best decision after all. You couldn’t stay after this.

It wasn’t long before Din came to his senses and ran after you, calling your name and catching up with a few easy strides. You came to a reluctant stop as you sniffled and waited for him to say something, despite the fact that you weren’t sure you wanted to hear whatever he had to say.

“I-I-I’m not in love with Omera,” he insisted as it became your turn to look at him in bewilderment, “I’m in love with you.”

“What?”

“I’ve been talking to her about you,” he confessed, “about how to do...this sort of thing. But then you started avoiding me and I wondered if maybe I’d read the signs wrong and you didn’t like me at all. At least not in that way.”

“I don’t….what?” you heard his words but weren’t able to fully comprehend them. This had to be some sort of weird fever dream. Din sighed - his trademark sigh - before ripping off his gloves and gently putting his hands on the sides of your face. He was hesitant at first, to see if you would stop him. But you didn’t...instead you relished in his touch, the feel of his bare skin on yours sending electric shivers throughout your whole body.

After a few moments of quietly studying your features, he leaned in and slowly pressed his lips against yours. It wasn’t a proper kiss by any means, hardly more than a ghost of one, but it felt...strangely wonderful. You looked at him in disbelief as he pulled back; was this really the same man that you’d met all that time ago that wouldn’t even tell anyone his name or let them see his face?

“Oh.”

“Can we go inside?” he whispered softly, “can we talk?”

“Yeah,” you agreed gently. He reached for your hand but before he could take it in his, you stopped him and pressed another sweet, barely there kiss to his lips. A tinge of pink colored his cheeks as you beamed at him, “now we can go.”

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

Pedro Character Taglist (strikethrough means I couldn’t tag you - please check your settings. Strikethroughs will get removed if not taggable)

@qhbr2013 @greeneyedblondie44 @dodgerandevans @cannedsoupsucks @april-showers-and-flowers @klaine-92 @softboiipascal @rpcvliz @im-an-adult-ish @dobbyjen @thevoiceinyourheadx @niki-xie @jediknight122 @xxlovingfandomsxx @mrpascals @startrekkingaroundasgard @welcometothepedroverse @ilikemymendarkandfictional @actual-spawn-of-satan @wanderlust69 @lazybeeches @beskarboobs @someday-when-you-leave-me @leaiorganas @salome-c @rosiefridayrogersunday @madslorian @artsymaddie @haildoodles @windfallss @spookispunk @nikkixostan @edencherries @stillshelbs @djarinbarnes @alyispunk @ayamenimthiriel @gallowsjoker @its–fandom–darling @star017 @amneris21 @empress-palpat1ne @cable-kenobi @gooddaykate @princeofdorne @natthebattygeologist @riddikulus-obsessions @sleep-tight1 @mamacitapascal @14mcmd1122 @leaiorganas @hoodedbirdie @kenzieam @dobbyjen @jedi-mando @milkxxkookies @lazybeeches @general-latino @jediknight122 @cosmoschick @recklessworry @jaime1110 @thorins-queen-of-erebor @thatnerdwriter @bestintheparsec @pascalisthepunkest @kristeng42 @rosie-posie08

[willowisbunger]

God Im Sorry (A tapeworm clef fanfic)

Before we begin. This is all for jokes. I am so sorry for anyone who has to read this. Its also just a draft and will be complete at some point. For now enjoy what little I give you.

You find yourself resting on the couch of your dearly beloveds bed quarters. You scroll through your phone looking fondly at old text messages of when you and your husband to be's first text messages. All the ridiculous nicknames you two exchanged, all the flirting, photos, and various other things you two have sent to each other over the years. You couldn't help but giggle. You find it hard to believe this all started cause you decided to help some weird blonde guy with a ukulele out with his broken leg.

You two have been dating for almost 8 years and two months ago, the man, Dr. Alto Clef. He took you on a date. Just a nice simple stroll around the woods, which ended in a nice picnic by a river. In which you saw the man you have fallen head over heels for, get down on one knee and began plucking at the strings of his ukulele. Singing a sweet melody like a song bird in the spring, before pulling out a wedding ring and asking those simple words of "will you marry me". Your heart flutters with glee as you chuckle. You feel giddy and so over joyed with happiness. Right as your giggle fit calmed down you heard the front door open, and there stood your beloved. With a wide grin on his face as he held some folders in his hands. He had a doctors appointment that day since he had been feeling strange. With his face showing his usual bright beaming smile and his three beautiful eyes showing their usual mischievous gleam, it was clear that he was in more than perfect shape.

"Heya there pumpkin. I'm home. And I've got some great news." He spoke in a raspy slightly southern voice. At first it was grating on ya, but now its like all your favorite songs combine into one incredible tune. "Welcome home sweetheart!" You chirped as you ran up to your beloved teddy bear to give him a quick peck to the lips as you hugged him close, "What's the good news teddy? I can tell from that big dumb grin of yours ya got somethin real good to tell me. What did the doctor say?" You said as you affectionately pinched his cheeks causing him to laugh as he took both your hands to hold. "Well besides me being fit as a bull. Looks like I'm gonna be eating for two from now on."

You blinked and tilted your head in confusion, slowly processing the information as you stepped back a lil. "How? Babe I never top and we always use protection. Who-" "Oh no pumpkin. I ain't pregnant" He interrupted, chuckling as he ruffled your hair. "I got a tape worm. The doc took some sonograms of my stomach to see if there were any issues and yeah, there's a lil fella in there. Look." The blonde handed you the folder, which you opened and began reading through and your face turned pale at the sight of the tape worm in the photo of an ultra sound. You gagged a lil as you shoved the folder back into clefs arm. "Babe that's not okay!!!! That's a parasite!!!! Its gonna just keep reproducing and shit and its gonna fuck up your insides." You said quite loudly, usually you were quiet but this, this was making you quite distressed. Your fiancés face turned from a smile to a disappointed frown "I thought you would've liked clef junior....".

You stood baffled at the situation before you. Your dearly beloved, just, accepting and seeming to be happy about the fact he has a god damn TAPE WORM living inside of him. You've seen some shit in your days working for the foundation. A sheet of music that makes people go bonkers and try to bleed, Kondraki -clefs ex- ridding on god damn 682, and other shit that would boggle anyone's mind. But this. THIS RIGHT HERE. Just.... Leaves you speechless. "Pumpkin?" the third eyed man spoke in a concerned tone, which rarely came from him. "Are you okay?" You held your head in your hands as you sat back down on the plush couch and just took a deep breathe, and just as quickly as you sat down you sprung back up, grabbing your jacket and zipping it up. "Babe.... I just.... I need a moment.... I'll be out for awhile.... This is just, strange even for you and I need a moment to think about this." You sped walk past your -potentially ex- husband to be to the door. You shut the door, seeing Clef's face look uncharacteristically sad at you. It hurt you a little to leave your teddy bear like that, but you still needed time to just, think and process this whole situation.

You leave the housing area for researchers and quickly the site as well. You hail a cab and as soon as you enter the bright yellow vehicle you tell the faceless driver to "Take me to the nearest motel." Which he happily complied especially with the hefty tip you gave him. You just, Needed awhile to think and god knows how long that could be so you may as well rent out a room away from that hell site foundation to have a clear mind. After all who knows what might happen. Fucking Dr. Bright could tell you to give it a chance and raise the worm together with your teddy bear or some shit. You never know with this job and the people you worked with. While in your thoughts you rented out a room, room 105. Great another reminder of your hell job, even though it was just the simple numbers of 0 and 5 you can't help but be reminded of your faceless higher ups and the fact you work for them.

You found your room and quickly made your way inside to flop down on the bed, beforehand making sure to put up the "Do not disturb" sign and locking it. You burried your face into the hard cheap pillows of this motel, missing the one you had back at your place with its soft textures and the scent of your beloved.... Which once again brought you back to the worm. That fucking worm. Why the hell was your husband so keen on keeping it? He's at least some form of scientist he should know that tape worms are a dangerous parasite that affect your health. You stare up at the popcorn ceiling just, trying to wrap your head around WHY. Why would your partner; your future husband; the one who knows everything about you and you know everything about them.... just why are they keeping the tape worm?

You of course knew the stuff your teddy was known for, sleeping with that statue after a date, killing a dangerous reality bending child, father to 166 (who you were honestly happy to take in as your new step daughter). Out of everything. The tape worm makes you break. Makes you rethink your relationship with the man you've been dating for years at this point. All you can do at this moment is sigh, hearing the phone in your coat pocket buzz. You pull it out and set it to "do not disturb" as you set the device aside on a night stand. "Maybe I should sleep it off. Maybe I'll have a clearer mind then...." You say to yourself as you threw your coat off and roll onto your side. Feeling uncomfortable in your current clothes but you didn't pack a bag so, you just ignore the discomfort until eventually.... You drift off to sleep. The shallow hum of power surging through the building and the busy city outside envelop you as you feel unconsciousness take over.

While in your state of unconsciousness you hear a silky smooth, deep yet gentle voice speak to  you. "Y/N... Y/N its time to wake up Y/N". You slowly awoke, opening your groggy eyes, what laid before you, you didn't know. They had a handsome chiseled face, comparable to the statues found in ancient Greece with even a similar tone of white marble. They had thick luxurious hair that went down to their waste, rippling muscles that went down both torso and back.... They were ungodly white though. And didn't have legs. You stared at the bottom half and slowly processed what you were looking at..... A fucking tapeworm man. A fucking humanoid tape worm what the fuck. "Im going back to bed" You said as you laid on your side, and tried to ignore the hallucination.

The tapeworm creature, slid over you just to get to the side you were facing. You shivered feeling it’s disgusting body wiggle about. You close your eyes tightly as you did your best to ignore it. You could feel yourself holding back even more shivers as you felt their cold hands touch your face. “Y/n…. Look at me…. I just want to talk.” “And I just want to be left alone and not think about tapeworm men trying to seduce me while I’m contemplating breaking up my engagement.”

[amygdalagustd]

Kim Namjoon on Identity

Namjoon explores the concept of identity time and time again in his life and in his music. He tends to focus on how different parts of himself might be in conflict with each other, and the tensions and confusion that goes with that experience. People are filled with duality, sometimes to the point that it tears us apart. The question of “who am I?” seems a simple one, but underneath it lies a lot of complexity. Who do I want to be? Who do other people want me to be? How much of my identity is formed by my past? Can I change who I am? Can I be multiple things at the same time? Who is the real me? What does it even mean to be the real me?

The question of “who am I?” seems to both fascinate and terrify Namjoon. In this essay we will tackle the question together as I explore all the different ways that Namjoon contemplates identity in lyrics and interviews.

From his decision to become a rapper in the first place to the struggle of taking care of himself as a world famous idol to the questioning of what having an identity actually means, we will travel through Namjoon’s career and highlight all the moments that he asks himself:

“Who the hell am I?”

It’s no secret that Namjoon was a very intelligent and driven student who got good grades in school. In his earlier lyrics he often writes about the pressure that was put on him to succeed and follow a certain path in life. As someone who was good at studying it was expected of him to prioritize his education above all else. Namjoon fit into that role well, but behind the scenes his heart was longing for music. He discovered rap and decided that he wanted a different path for his life. BTS’s early work is filled with messages of following your dreams and not letting other people decide what type of life you want to live. Namjoon often talked about the struggles of living in between the expectations of those around him and his own desires for his future. Some of those conflicting feelings are expressed in Voice, the intro song to his 2015 mixtape RM:

Straight A student and underground rapper

I occupied myself all day with being graded with meaningless numbers like beef gets graded

I just wanted to succeed

because that’s the only thing I was told by others so much that I almost got sick of it

The mirage called happiness- I thought it would be held there

But, sitting at my desk, I was never happy, not for a single moment

I secretly hid a blank sheet of paper between the pages of my study book without my mom’s knowing

My identity that I wrote down along the sound of drums and bass

The feeling of breathing that is different from that of receiving grade reports

Even when I was the top of my class, my mind was never at ease

Is it absolutely necessary to want something that others want?

I secretly raise the volume of my voice

so that you can know, so that it can reach you

I again raise the volume of my voice

so that you can know, so that it can reach you

He also touches on the subject in Born Singer, which was released in 2013:

To be honest, I was scared that I was to prove myself after talking big

that I, who used to know only pen and book, was then to surprise the world

I dunno, that I and the world’s expectations are too asymmetric,

I was scared that I might betray everyone who trusted me

I stretch my burdened shoulders and step onto the very first stage

BTS and Namjoon will continue to talk about the pressure of society's expectations and the difficulty of following your own path in songs like No More Dream, N.O and School of Tears. Fighting back against the oppressive school system is a huge part of their message and mission in their early career. They ask their fans and themselves to look at the person that they are expected to become and question if that image is in line with their own dreams and desires. Namjoon wrestled with this question himself, and therefore has the experience and passion to guide others who might be struggling with their identity and the identity that is put on them.

Idol and artist

The concept of being an idol vs being an artist is one that comes back often in BTS lyrics. Namjoon is an underground rapper who ended up in a boyband, and the identity of being an idol is one that he has wrestled with quite a bit. Can you be both an idol and an artist? Does becoming an idol mean that you have to give up on being an artist? Does it matter if you call yourself an idol or an artist? Does it matter what other people say about it?

Namjoon mentions this conflicting identity in Awakening on his 2015 mixtape RM:

Every night I fight myself inside me

My heart pounds, and my colleagues stab me in the back

saying I became a cripple after going into a company

Yeah fuck you I’m an idol, yeah yeah i’m an idol

I hated it at one time but now I love to get that title

Unlike some keep denying [their identity] to the end on television,

I now fully accept myself, and I just do me

Whether I’m an idol or an artist- it actually never mattered

The way you guys look at me was what defined me

I was obsessed over titles and hung up on how people described me

Listen to the rap of the guy who became a bit smarter as time passed

Namjoon gets shit for being an idol from the underground rap scene and gets shit for being an artist from the idol scene. He is hovering in between, writing his rap lyrics with the power and authenticity of a hip hop artist while simultaneously dancing and looking like a full fledged boyband member. He responds to this dilemma with unwavering pride, the drive to prove himself and a fuck you attitude. This energy dominates a lot of early BTS music. They are still trying to find their place in the industry while not really knowing where exactly they belong. Songs like the Cyphers and Mic Drop highlight the anger they feel about the mistreatment they face from both sides of the industry while boasting about their accomplishments and pride in who they are. Just like Namjoon in Awakening, Yoongi also often mentions his struggles with the identity of being an idol in his solo work. In Idol, the title track of the 2018 album Love Yourself: Answer, BTS face the subject head on:

You can call me artist

You can call me idol

Or you can call me anything else

I don’t care

I’m proud of it

I’m free

No more irony

Because I’ve been me all the time

You can point your fingers at me, I don’t care at all

Whatever reason you have to denigrate me,

I know what I am

I know what I want

I never gon’ change

I never gon’ trade

Why do you talk loud “blah blah”

I do what I do, so mind your own business

You can’t stop me loving’ myself

Idol is a proud, joyful, wonderfully weird and confident self love anthem. It’s a celebration of who BTS are at their core. In the song, they have accepted all the different aspects of their identity and they don’t feel the need to fit in with just one label. In the future, they will go on to say that BTS’s genre is just BTS, and they see no point in categorizing themselves.

RM and Namjoon

In 2018, BTS released a documentary series called Burn The Stage. The series followed them throughout the Wings tour and was supposed to show a more raw version of them.

In episode 6, Namjoon said:

Being an idol star, you don’t have a choice but to have two identities. I invested a lot in my identity as BTS and RM, and this is really a dilemma. We need to find ways to overcome this, and I’m trying different things. I study, I read books. I need time to be wholly me, the original me that I know.

Everyone in BTS has a stage name, a person they become when they present themselves in front of their fans. On stage Namjoon is RM, a fierce and confident rapper, a powerful and charming performer, a dependable leader and someone who lives a fiery and intense life.

Behind the scenes, Namjoon is Namjoon, a man in his twenties who is trying to figure out how to be an adult just like everyone else. He likes to go on bike rides, take care of plants, go to museums, read books and spend time in nature. He gets lazy and reads webtunes for 5 hours straight and sometimes argues with the people around him because they annoy him.

Namjoon spends the years of his youth as part of BTS, in the public eye, and sometimes that causes tension between these different parts of himself; the stage persona and the private person. In Break The Silence: The Movie which came out in 2020, there was a lot of talk about identity. During one of Namjoon’s segments he said:

There is also the fear of how well I’m taking care of myself, the Kim Namjoon as a person. Aside from money, fame, and a sense of calling, what do I really have? When you have those things all other things start to feel really valuable. Those who don’t have them would find them really special. I think it’s a repetition of that, so for me, there is a fear about whether I’m faithfully living the story of my life to the fullest.

He also mentions this dilemma in Airplane pt.2 on the 2018 album Love Yourself: Tear where the lyrics go:

Who should I live as today, Kim Namjoon or RM?

25, I still don’t know how to live well

For Namjoon and anyone in BTS, there is no simple answer to this question, as the nature of their job puts them in a position that makes it hard for them to develop a sense of self outside of the work they are doing. Even though Namjoon is part of an incredibly successful band, that doesn't mean he got it all figured out. As he has poured his youth and his energy into becoming the best performer he can be, he now feels like the Kim Namjoon behind the scenes deserves some energy and space to exist too.

Rap Monster and RM

Before Namjoon was RM, Namjoon was Rap Monster, a stage name that he used until November of 2017. The name Rap Monster fits the fierce and somewhat angst-ridden style of music that Namjoon was making in the beginning of his career. He decided to move on from the name in 2017 because it was no longer representative of him and the music that he was making.

In an interview with Entertainment Tonight Namjoon said that RM could stand for many things. He mentioned Real Me as one of the possibilities, but seems to prefer not to pin one specific meaning to the name.

In another interview with J-14 Magazine when asked what kind of advice he would give to himself in 2013, he said:

Hey Namjoon, Don’t name yourself Rap Monster. You’re a human. You’re not a monster. You’re a beautiful human.

Namjoon has often said that one of his missions in life is to love himself. This struggle to love himself often reflects in his lyrics, and now also in his decision to change his stage name, as the old one had some negative connotations to it. Perhaps Namjoons struggle with self acceptance, self worth and self love is one of the reasons that identity is such a big theme for him, as he is trying to figure out how to be a Namjoon that he can love. RM is a stage name that is more aligned with that goal as it leaves more room for flexibility and change.

Map of the Soul

The subject of identity is explored to the fullest in the Map of the Soul era that started with Map of the Soul: Persona in 2019, followed up by Map of the Soul: 7 in 2020.

Map of the Soul is inspired by the ideas of psychiatrist and psychoanalyst Carl Gustav Jung. The words persona, shadow and ego that are used in Map of the Soul come directly from his theory. BTS uses these concepts to examine different parts of themselves and their career over time. A lot of this era feels like a final examination of the question that Namjoon has been asking himself in different ways throughout his entire career: Who am I?

In Intro: Persona, the opener to both albums, Namjoon writes about his journey with identity in the first few lines of the song:

“Who am I,” a question that I’ve been asking myself for my whole life

A question that I will probably never be able to find the right answer for

If I were answerable with only a few words,

God wouldn’t have created all those many beauties

Namjoon realizes that he will probably never have a clear answer to the question of “who am I?” and he accepts that. He recognizes that his identity can’t be summed up by a few words or traits and that this isn’t a bad thing. Sometimes it can feel more secure to build our entire sense of identity around one aspect of ourselves (I am a straight A student, I am an underground rapper) but that puts us in a position without flexibility and without space for growth. As different parts of ourselves clash with each other we end up feeling scattered, unsure of who we are, and angry at ourselves. It’s only when those different parts of ourselves are allowed to co-exist that we can find peace and a true sense of self.

BTS will talk about this idea in other songs too, like in Idol, where Taehyung sings:

There are tens and hundreds of myself within me

Today, I greet my another self

They are all me after all,

so I just run rather than worrying

The notion also comes back in the speech that BTS held for the United Nations in 2018. The final message of that speech was to find your name and find your voice by speaking yourself. There was a lot of talk about losing your identity as a young child in favor of fitting in, and Namjoon encouraged everyone to be their own person and to find their own voice back. Throughout the speech he mentions how he is both an idol and artist, Kim Namjoon and RM, and also just an ordinary 24 year old guy. He is saying that he can be many things at once and strives to love all those different parts of himself at the same time.

In the final verses of Intro: Persona, Namjoon boldly and confidently claims that he is no longer ashamed of the different parts inside of him, writing:

Yeah my name is R

The ‘me’ who I remember and who people know

The ‘me’ who I created by myself to speak my mind

Yeah, I might have been deceiving myself, I might have been lying

But, I’m not ashamed of it, this is the map of my soul

The lyrics continue, focusing on duality, complexity and balance within his identity, accepting the different parts of himself that coexist together even if they clash:

Dear myself

You must never lose your temperature

because you don’t need to be warm or cold

Though I might sometimes pretend I’m good and sometimes pretend I’m evil,

this is the barometer of my direction that I want to set

The ‘me’ who I want to be

The ‘me’ who people want

The ‘me’ who you love

And the ‘me’ who I craft

The ‘me’ who’s smiling

The ‘me’ who’s crying sometimes

Living and breathing every second, every moment, even now

Within these lyrics there is a tone of direction and intent rather than one of being lost and questioning. This tone is very strong throughout the entire Map of the Soul concept, especially in ON, suggesting that maybe “finding” your identity isn’t about anxiously defining every single part of your personality, it’s more about choosing who you want to be and boldly pursuing the world as an incomplete human being. In the end, there is no simple answer to the question of “who am I?” and that’s okay.

All lyrics translations come from Doolset. Visit the website for additional notes and interpretations of BTS lyrics.

[a-game-of-stars-and-ink]

Ashes to Ashes - Chapter 5

Warnings: Fever, mentions of attempted assassination, mentions of being followed, infection, wound, blood, swearing.

Tags: @equestrianwritingsstuff, @teheranb, @brutal-nemesis (Hope it was okay to tag you) @whumpwillow, and @the-three-whumpeteers

Am I always this inspired? No.

Am I going to keep this writing spree going as long as possible? Yes.

Zion woke up at quarter past seven, to the sound of the door opening. 

“Hey.” She said tiredly, blinking to clear her vision. 

“Morning.” Chris replied. “Just here to check on the wound.” 

The assassin stirred as he approached, his stunning blue eyes flickering open.

“You’re looking better.” Chris said calmly.

Jackson looked away.

A strange noise from the room across the hall startled Zion. She looked at Chris questioningly. “What’s Steve doing?”

“He’s playing Resident Evil 7.” Chris replied, peeling the bandage away from Jackson’s wound. Donning sterile gloves, Chris gently began to poke at the reddened flesh around the hole.

The assassin’s jaw clenched, and his nostrils flared. 

“Just hang in there.” Chris said mildly. “Almost done.”

Jackson closed his eyes, and Zion winced as he made a pained noise. She gently slipped her fingers into his, letting him squeeze her hand.

After cleaning the wound, and applying an antibiotic cream, Chris took a thermometer, and pointed the scanner at the assassin’s forehead.

“Fever’s down from 103𐩑 to 101𐩑. That’s a good sign.” Chris noted. 

“Yeah.” Zion agreed, though Jackson still looked miserable. 

“I’m going to make some breakfast. Do you want coffee?”

“Oh God, yes please.” Zion said, a tired smile crossing her lips. Chris nodded, stripping off the gloves, and heading out into the hall. He closed the door behind him.

Zion glanced down at Jackson, suddenly feeling awkward.

“Do you want some water?” She asked.

The assassin swallowed hard, and nodded once.

Zion grabbed a fresh water bottle out of the mini-fridge that Steve had insisted upon getting, after he’d fallen down the stairs at three in the morning.

Then, she started to help Jackson sit up, he shuddered, and slumped against her with a soft groan.

“Yeah. I know.” Zion murmured, awkwardly patting his back. He rested his forehead on her shoulder, breathing heavily.

Zion tried to ignore the twinge in her stomach as his soft, sweat-damp hair brushed against her cheek.

Why do I care so much?

Part of her was afraid of the answer.

Jackson had never liked showing any form of weakness. But when it was only Zion, he felt slightly less disgusted with himself.

You cried in front of her and her ill-tempered friend. You begged. Pathetically.

Still, he didn’t want to move. He felt oddly… safe, with Zion. If she’d wanted to hurt him, she’d had a thousand chances to do so by now.

So, instead of pulling away, he found himself leaning further into her touch.

“Your coffee, Zion.” The voice startled Jackson, and he started to pull away from Zion, dropping back to the bed with a groan.

“Thanks.” The girl replied, looking up at her sibling. The two did bear something of a resemblance, but Zion clearly favored her mother.

Jackson had learned, during the planning stage of his mission, that Zion and Chris had the same father, but different mothers.

That was how he’d learned of Zion’s monthly 12 hour train ride to visit her mother, Jane Rashid. Her father had since reconciled with his first wife. Her brother, Chris’ mother.

Another noise came from across the hall.

“If he tries to scare me after playing this…” Zion muttered, looking up at her brother. “He’s gonna end up with my shoe shoved up his ass.”

Chris laughed. “I’ll be sure to let him know.

With that, he left her alone.

“You’re very close.” Jackson rasped.

“And?”

“And nothing. I was just taking note.”

“I thought you already knew everything you needed to know about me.” Zion said quietly.

“No. Not everything.” Jackson replied, grimacing as his side throbbed. 

“What’s left? You know about my mother, my father, my step mother, that Chris is my step-brother. What else do you need to know?”

“Why are you helping me?”

Zion bit her lip.

“I, uh… I just felt like I had to.”

“Why?” Jackson pressed, his voice raspy, exhaustion was already taking its toll.

“It’s… I just…” Zion stammered. She hugged her arms, and looked up at him with her amazing silver-blue eyes. “I felt some weird kind of… connection to you.”

“You did?” Jackson asked, surprised.

“Yes.” Zion seemed hesitant. “Did you choose me at random?”

“No. I first saw you sitting under a tree. You were reading the Tempest.” He shifted slightly, grimacing as his wounded side protested.

“For an essay…” Zion frowned. “That was last semester.”

“Yes. So I decided to learn more about you. You made me curious. I wondered why you were such a loner.” He paused. “Then, I learned that you visit your mother once a month. I followed you to the train station. Kept my distance from you… Until the ride back. That’s when I was ordered to move.”

“You told me. On the train. The bit about following me, learning my habits.”

Jackson studied Zion’s face for a long moment.

“I feel it too.” He said finally.

“Feel what?” She asked, silvery-blue eyes flicking up to his face.

“The connection. I feel it too.”

She was silent.

“You have nothing to fear from me.” Jackson told her, sinking further into the bed.

“Were you going to kill me that night?” Zion asked shakily.

“No. I wasn’t.” He shivered, knowing that he would soon lose consciousness again.

“You had a gun.”

The assassin’s frost-blue eyes met hers. “But I wasn’t going to kill you.” He murmured. “I promise.”

Then he closed his eyes, leaving Zion to sit in silence, and contemplate his words.

I feel it too.

But what is ‘it’? 

So Zion sat back on the bed, looking at her phone, and trying to sort through her emotions.

[btxtreads]

Let Me Move You

CHAPTER SEVENTEEN: BEST OF ME

↳ Pairing: Choi Yeonjun x Reader

↳ word count: 2k words

↳ rating: G

↳ genre: fluff

The fast-paced beats of music, the hard slam of feet on the floor, the heavy breathing after finishing a routine—all the things she held onto so fondly were gone.

Instead of Beomgyu snoring in one corner during break time, all she could see was some old man doze off in the reading nook. Instead of Kai and Taehyun bickering amongst themselves while giggling, she instead saw two students fight over the last copy of a history textbook. Instead of Soobin munching on bread in the middle of the dance floor, she could only see a middle school student not-so-subtly try to snack quietly as he studied.

Instead of Yeonjun standing behind her, hands on her waist and lips pressed to her ear as he told her about his day, she sat at the reception table waiting for the newly arrived booksto finish their upload into the system. As she watched the progress bar fill up, her thoughts ran wild.

She missed it—she’s not going to lie. Most of all, she missed him. She missed the way his eyes lit up, an ear-splitting smile on his face as they successfully perfected a complicated routine. She missed how he had the habit of pouting when he was concentrating on something. He missed the way he giggled everything he figured something out.

Her phone lit up, interrupting her train of thought. Y/N’s eyes fell down to her phone—a text from her father flashing on the screen, but her eyes locked onto the photo set as the background. It was her, sitting on the dance floor. Soobin stood behind her, doing some weird hand gesture and eyes trained on the ceiling—as if in the middle of explaining. A few feet in front of them was Yeonjun, dancing. In the beanbags by the corner sat Taehyun and Kai, with bottles of banana milk in their hands as Beomgyu slept beside them.

She missed them. She missed them so much.

“Hey, Y/N,” a voice cut her train of thought. “Have you finished filing the books?”

The girl flinched, eyes wide as she faced the woman smiling over at her.

“Ms. Park,” Y/N blinked, looking over at the computer flashin Upload Complete. “I guess I have.”

The woman smiled understandably, gently pushing a cart of books over to the girl.

“Alright, can you take this to the storage room, then?” The woman hummed. “I’ll shelve those for you.”

Y/N smiled gently, standing up and taking the cart. As she walked to the storage room, she can’t help but look at a young couple sitting by the side and laughing silently amongst themselves. Ignoring the slight pang in her heart, she bit her lip and turned to a corner—not stopping until she ended up in front of the storage room.

It wasn’t special. The storage was full of boxes and unlabelled books that were donated. It was old, dusty, abandoned—but what took Y/N’s breath away was the huge mirror on one side of the room. She forgot the storage room was an old dance studio.

The girl smiled softly, leaving the cart to the side and walking slowly over to stand in front of the mirror. She took a soft breath.

“5, 6, 7, 8,” She mumbled to herself as her feet and hands followed the routine perfectly like she practiced.

She danced as if she had a partner—as if Soobin was next to her, ready to lift her over to Yeonjun after three beats like he used to. She danced as if Hueningkai stood in the middle of the room to pull off his designated dance moves with extreme enthusiasm, as if Beomgyu was next to him biting his lip in concentration to perfect his moves, as if Taehyun was there singing under his breath to guide him as he danced.

“4, 3, 2…” She stopped, short of breath as she fell to her feet.

She can’t give this up.

She looked up at the mirror and she could almost remember how Yeonjun would approach her when she got too tired after practicing, always ready with a cold drink and a kiss to the lips as he smile proudly. Her ears rang, straining to hear his “You did so well today, baby,” that never came.

That’s why she picked herself up and ran. 

All this time she didn’t know where she would go, but now she knew she’d always run back to him.

Yeonjun laid on his couch, a frown on his face as he crossed his arms and glared at his face plastered on the television. He knew he would have to face some intrigue when he used his old Daniel account in attempt to reach Y/N—but he never expected this. All week, his phone and social media accounts blew up with reporters and dance fans trying to contact him.

Because that girl from the Emeralds, Sooah, broadcasted his name on one of the twitter replies, he was found by the media on his personal accounts as well.

God, he hated that bitch.

The boy hissed as his phone rang one more.

“What?” Yeonjun hissed. “I’m not interested in an interview.”

“I’m not going to interview you, Yeonjun.” A high-pitched voice giggled. “I’m Sooah, from the Emeralds—“

“Ah, you.”

“You know me?”

“Who wouldn’t?” Yeonjun deadpanned as he closed his television and rubbed his forehead. “Look, I—“

“I’m interested in you.”

“I’m sorry?” Yeonjun raised his eyebrows. “As a choreographer, right?”

“Sure, and the other way around too—but this is a business call. The rest can come later.” Sooah replied back, tone lilting.

Yeonjun sighed.

“Look, I don’t know what to tell you but I’m sure you know my answer.” Yeonjun sighed, groaning as he heard the doorbell ring incessantly. “You kinda ruined my life, Ms. Sooah.”

“Yeonjun—“

“Please call me Daniel, you said this call was business.” Yeonjun replied curtly as he opened the door with a harsh glare. “If this is another interviewer, I’m suing—“

Yeonjun’s eyes widened as his eyes fell on Y/N, hair falling down her face as she panted.

“Hello? Yeonjun?”

“The answer is no. This call is over, Ms. Sooah.” Yeonjun replied curtly, hanging up the phone and narrowing his eyes at the girl leaning on his doorway. “What are you doing here, Y/N?”

The girl held up a finger, catching her breath. Yeonjun’s eyes softened as he grabbed a bottle of water from a nearby table. Y/N smiled gratefully as she took a few sips, caliming down. The boy pursed his lips, crossing his arms as he stared at the girl.

“Why was Sooah calling you?”

“That doesn’t matter” Yeonjun replied, raising an eyebrow. “Why are you here?”

Because, I can’t give this up.” Y/N replied.

“Me?”

“Everything.”

Yeonjun raised an eyebrow.

“I was at work and I was just—I was bringing books tot he storage room—abandoned dance room—“ The girl stumbled over her words as she ran a hand through her hair. “And i just—I don’t know, I danced—all I could think—feel—was to dance with the boys. With you.”

“You were so hell-bent on giving up.” Yeonjun replied. “How sure can I be that you won’t change your mind this time?”

“Yeonjun,” Y/N shook her head softly. “I’m sure.”

“Are you?” Yeonjun asked. “Because you were last time too—but look what happened. You got hurt—I got hurt—The boys got hurt. You said you can’t waste your time—what about the time they spent for this?”

“I’m sorry, I really am.” Y/N pleaded. “But it’s not going to happen this time around, I promise.”

“Why?”

“I thought at first dancing could get me what I wanted, happiness didn’t matter—It was something I could forget when I’m done, but now?” Y/N chuckled. “Jun, dancing got me to you. It made me happy. I like being happy. You make me happy.”

Yeonjun closed his eyes, contemplating as he released a deep breath. In one movement, he grabbed her wrist and pulled her inside the room. He slammed the door shut and crossed his arms, observing her. The girl stood in her spot, fidgeting and biting her lip nervously under his gaze.

“Dancing…” Yeonjun started. “makes you happy?”

“It does.”

“Show me.”

Y/N smiled, turning over to the speakers on the table. She pressed play, excitedly anticipating whatever song would play.

When you say that you love me

Nan haneul wireul geotne

Yeongwoneul malhaejwo

Just one more time

Yeonjun stood to the side, just watching as Y/N danced—following the beat. He watched as a soft smile graced her lips.

When you say that you love me

Nan geu han madimyeon dwae

Byeonhaji anhneundago

Just one more time

Y/N faced him smiling and taking his hand.

Neon naege i segyeui jeonbu gata

Deo sege apeuge nal kkwak kkyeoana

“Oh, I’m joining now?”

“You said to follow my heart, right?” The girl smiled. “It’s with you, remember?”

Uriga nanun something

And you can’t make it nothing

Ijji anhajwosseumyeon hae

Neon nae

Yeonjun tried to stop his smile—he really did—but he couldn’t. Not when the girl spun in his arms and pressed her back against his chest. Not when he finally felt the warmth he’s been missing for weeks. Not when she’s back in his arms.

Haruharu

Yeoreum gaeoul

His hands fell to her hips as they swayed to the soft beat. He leaned down to press his lips on her ear.

“What are you doing?”

Neon mollado

Y/N smiled, taking his wrists and swaying faster—in sync with the music as the pace of the beats went quicker and quicker.

“Following my heart.”

You got the best of me

She turned suddenly, feet following the complicated choreography of the song. She laughed she saw Yeonjun dancing alongside her.

You got the best of me

Yeonjun laughed with her, moves getting faster and faster as they went.

So please just don’t leave me

He reached out to grab her waist, pulling her flush to him with a smile.

You got the best of me

The girl reached up to run her hands through his hair before she leaned up to kiss his lips. Yeonjun stood frozen, hands limply clutching her waist as his eyes widened in surprise. Then he smiled, closing his eyes and deepening the kiss. Y/N pulled away, smiling as Yeonjun slowly opened his eyes.

“Why are you blushing?” She said, giggling while Yeonjun covered his reddening face.

“Shut up.” Yeonjun mumbled, whining as Y/N pried his hands off of his face and replaced it with hers—cupping his cheeks with a soft grin.

“What are the odds of getting the boys back together?” Y/N asked.

“This is seriously happening?” Yeonjun asked, furrowing his eyebrows. “We’re getting the team back together?”

““Well, dancing brings out the best in me, You bring out the best in me. That’s all I know.” Y/N shrugged. “and if it’s something important to me and you, and the boys, then that’s something worth continuing, isn’t it?”

“What about your plan?” Yeonjun asked, tucking a lock of hair behind her ear. “This isn’t in your plan.”

“Not if it takes me away from you,” Y/N only smiled, leaning her forehead on his. “What about you—America—“

“It’ll be hard for them to take me away, I’m back in the spotlight.” Yeonjun mumbled. “I’m not letting them take me away from you again.”

Y/N laughed, looking into his eyes with a soft smile.

“I love you.” Y/N said suddenly, taking his hands. “So, don’t leave.”

Yeonjun smiled as Y/N took his hand, playing with his fingers as she looked down.

“Don’t go to Sooah, even if she’s prettier and a better dancer. Please trust me when I say that I’ll get everything back together.” She looked back up. “I love you.”

Yeonjun only smiled, cupping her face and leaning back down to crash his lips on hers once more. Y/N kissed back, wrapping her arms around his neck once more as she smiled against his lips. Yeonjun pulled away, smiling at her.

“I love you, too.”

Y/N smiled, closing her eyes as he kissed her once more.

So please just don’t leave me

You got the best of me

[katefiction]

Love me royally

by simplylovelyfanfiction / 2012

I could only access chapters 5-7 of this story.

Chapter 5: family vows & boyfriend wows (love me royally)

“how did you know?” kate questioned her sister’s sixth sense.

pippa shook with excitement. “i don’t know. i just had this feeling that you were and i knew the moment that you said you were going to live with him that something was going on. am i right?”

“that’s not the reason why we moved in together.” she assured her. “we were just friends then.”

“now, you’re more than friends. ohhhhh.” she sounded childish as she harassed her sister about her relationship.

“pippa. shhh!” kate held her finger to her lips and pointed towards the kitchen. “i haven’t told them yet.”

“are you going to tell them?” pippa raised her eyebrow at her. it was as if she were wondering if kate was going to tell anyone about her secret affair with will.

“yes.” she simply answered.

“i just can’t believe it.” her sister was in complete awe of the situation. big eyes with her jaw dropped, she looked like a child who saw the tooth fairy for the first time.

as kate continued to share the adventure of her and will coming along the path of dating, she felt giddy with excitement too. she played it off to pippa as if the whole thing was casual, but really she was still just as shocked that she too had snagged herself a prince. flashbacks of the first night they shared their real kiss together sent dancing chills down her spine and for moment she caught her girlish smile break through her façade.

“you are the luckiest girl in all of england.” pippa chimed.

shuffles from the kitchen distracted them as their mother popped her head out from around the corner to announce that lunch was ready. the smell of baked chicken and steamed vegetables filled the kitchen and was now slowly drifting into the living the room where they sat. kate glanced over at pippa, who was clearly still beaming from the surprising news. she tapped her knee and pippa calmed down.

“let me tell them, not you.” kate gritted through her teeth.

the thudding footsteps of james came down the hallway, as he too smelled the deliciousness of the meal that her mother had prepared. her father sat quietly at the table reading the newspaper while sipping on his coffee. watching her father so relaxed made her miss being home as much as she used to be. “pip, what are you all smiles about?” james asked taking a seat.

“what?” she looked startled. “i don’t know i’m just happy.”

“you could flash a smile every now and then james.” her mother added and set down the plates with the steaming hot food.

“i smile.” he snapped back. “anyways, pippa has got that smile on her face like she knows something.”

kate’s stomach dropped. fear set in that this whole thing was going to be disaster. “the food looks amazing mum.” she tried to steer away from their conversation.

“thank you kate.” she took a seat next to her father. taking a sip of her wine, she cleared her throat and leaned back in her chair. “james is right. what is it pippa? care to share with the rest of us.”

“i know nothing.” pippa said and took a bite of her carrot.

“liar.” james chuckled. “you’ve always been the worse at keeping secrets.”

she was watching this whole thing unfold. kate kept quiet until she felt that it was appropriate for to finally chime in on her news, whenever that would be. keeping the spotlight on her younger sister would do for now, but sooner or later all eyes would be on her.

“james bug off.” she snipped at him.

“children.” her father finally spoke up. “i hear enough of you two bicker all day and night, let kate speak. we haven’t heard a single word about how she has been doing since the university started back up. so how have you been katie?”

katie. her father and mother were the only ones that called her that and it made it ten times harder for her to find the words to tell them. “i’ve been good. i’ve been busy.” a soft snort escaped pippa and she kicked her under the table.

“ow!” james yelped. “what was that for?”

“sorry.” kate cringed. “i didn’t mean to hit you.”

“bet it was meant for pippa.” he narrowed his eyes. “you know too. what is it? come on. fess up.”

“stop noising around.” pippa snarled at him.

their banter continued and kate took a few bites of her chicken. this was normal for them to be like this but it was honestly driving her mad. james was catching on that something was up. he was her brother and he knew when her or pippa knew something that he didn’t. however, it was always pippa that let every thing slip whether it was intentional or not. she just wanted to slide down in her chair and disappear, but she couldn’t. soon her father was budding into the fighting match and kate knew that if she wanted to cut the tension it was now or never.

“i’m dating will.”

the whole table grew silent one by one. pippa wasn’t hiding her smile anymore, while the rest of her family stared at her blankly. it felt amazing to say it, but the expressions they were giving her were not what she hoped for.

“i’m sorry.” her mother wiped her face and leaned in closer. “who?”

“will.” she said it softly and looked down. “we’ve been dating for a while and i thought it would only be proper to tell you guys in person. i know it may come as a shock, but i like him and he likes me.”

“you’re joking right?” james asked. this time it was pippa that let him have it and he squealed out in pain once again.

“she isn’t joking.” pippa joined in. “she really is. can’t you tell by the look on her face that she is? the girl is dating a prince!”

“pippa…” kate said with unease.

“that’s wonderful news.” her father spoke. they all glanced over at him.

“our daughter dating prince william.” the words sounded so flat coming from her mother. she couldn’t tell if she was unhappy or just shocked.

“look, i know its strange and i am not going to lie it is a unusual relationship,” kate explained. “but i’m okay with it. you guys just have to promise me you don’t say anything. not even to grandmother.”

“grandmother has the right to know.” james demanded.

“no!” she shouted. “i’m serious. will and i are trying to keep this private. it won’t take much for the media to find out and i personally would like to stay off the covers of the tabloids and so would he. i just really want this to work and all i am asking is for you guys to not tell anyone. please.”

the table was silent. everyone was looking around at one another like they were contemplating what to do next. it was her father that spoke up. “we promise katie. we won’t say a word.”

Chapter 6: a love like this

pulling into a parking space near her flat she turned off the ignition and rested her head back on the seat. she scene of events from the weekend played out in her head again. the awful bickering of her siblings and her blurting out her surprise was not how she had planned it. however, she was satisfied that her family was fine with her relationship and had promised to not tell anyone. pippa was the only person she grew nervous about, but even she could keep a good secret if her life depended on it.

the thought of it still made her want to scream, but now she was trying to focus in on being back at the university and being reunited with will. he could put her at ease. his ability to bring comfort and joy to her was like a spell being casted upon her. she looked down at her phone that she had not even checked once while she was away. nothing from will appeared on her screen. royalty really did call and wisped him away for the weekend. she wondered if he was home yet. taking her bags from the trunk she strolled up to the front door. the house was dark and she could only assume that her other two roommates were out somewhere grabbing dinner. she lugged her bags up the stairs and let them thud on the wood floor outside her room. turning the nob on her door the scent of wax met her nostrils. it was an odd odor to smell considering no one was home. when she opened the door she was met with a surprise.

“welcome home.” a tall handsome man that she liked to call her boyfriend stood waiting for her. dozens of candles were lit up in her room and rose petals were scattered on the bed and all over the floor. kate could not believe her eyes.

“will.” she covered her mouth. “wow.”

“i was thinking about you all weekend.” he confessed. “no matter what i was doing i just wanted to be with you and to say your name. i wanted to kiss you and hug you and tell you how beautiful you are.”

left speechless, kate latched on to him throwing her arms around his neck and kissed him. it was the only way she knew how to thank him for her wonderful surprise. he had definitely put her at ease. the taste of his lips sent cravings all over her body and she wanted nothing more than to stay like this. she pressed her chest against his causing him to fall back on her bed. they bounced as they hit the mattress and they giggled together.

“have i ever told you how amazing you really are?” she breathed and stared into his eyes.

“i think you might have.” he pretended to think about it.

a girlish giggle escaped her and she felt slight embarrassed by it. will ran his soft fingertips through the long locks of her hair. it soothed her his touch. there was something about him that drew her in. “this is so…unreal.”

“what do you mean?” will asked.

“i mean this. what’s going on between us.” kate explained. “forgive me if i sound foolish saying this, but never in a million years would i have expected to find someone like you. the whole prince thing is insane and the love i feel for you is a whole another thing.”

the smile that could make any girl go weak at the knees broke through. “you know i was just going to say the same thing. the whole dating a princess thing is pretty insane too.”

“come on.” she playfully hit him. “i’m serious. i’m not trying to be all weird, but it’s just different. not saying you being a prince makes you anything but normal it’s just…”

“kate.” will cupped the back of her neck and kissed her quickly. he continued to stare back into warm eyes. “i get it.”

spending the rest of the night in each other arms they conversed the reaction of kate’s family discovering their relationship. kate told will a full play by play of the weekend and he sat quietly listening to everything she had to say. the expression of content never left his face as she spoke to him about the amazement of her younger sister, pippa and the shock of her parents understanding why her relationship with him was secretive. it was as if he was already aware of how the situation was going to happen before she even experienced it herself. however, it was a relief to finally have her parents and siblings know and to tell will her family was supportive and would keep them a secret as well.

the door from downstairs swung open below them and the voices of their two roommates chimed back and forth. will and kate listened in closely as both their hearts raced. what if one of them was to barge in on them cozied up together? their secret would be reveal and neither of them was ready to tell their own roommates they were in a relationship. the loud footsteps stomped up the stairs and bickering chat began outside kate’s door.

“will, they…” kate whispered but was cut off by a finger to her lips.

tip toeing towards her door he silently locked it and crawled back into bed with her. “even if they wanted to they won’t be able to get in now.”

“when do you think everyone is going to find out about us?” she asked.

“it’s only a matter of time, but if we’re careful it won’t be for awhile.” he assured her.

she could get use to a love like this.

Chapter 7: Katie

five months later.

the night was still young and kate was gathered with a few of her good friends including will. the stale smell of beer and pretzels filled the small pub where her and him had shared their first real kiss outside in the rain. this was a special place to her and she could only assume it had meaning to him as well. a soccer game was being broadcasted on the television sets above them and a rowdy crowd a few tables down cheered and argued loudly with the plays. kate along with her friends snickered at the drunken comments being spat. across from her sat will, who shot her a smile with a hidden message behind it ever so often.

“look whose cheeks are rosy.” olivia squeaked and pointed at kate. “the alcohol getting you already love?”

alcohol? maybe it was that, but she felt her cheeks grow another shade of red as she grew embarrassed because she realized she was staring at will the moment olivia spoke. “could be.” she brushed her cheek and took another drink.

“we really should not be out on a night like this when i have a huge english exam in the morning.” her slightly intoxicated roommate stated.

“no one said you had to come liv.” will laughed. “you just can’t stay away from the pubs.”

“watch it!” she growled. “seriously though i am already one too many in and i think i need to go home and at least try to be a good student.”

without a second thought kate agreed to escort olivia home with the assistance of will of course. the torture of not being able to show him affection in public was awful and she wanted nothing more right now to be affectionate towards him. leaving the pub and their group of friends, olivia raising her voice from a volume that drew attention to the three of them was frustrating. the media was always following will and having a drunken friend who was making it even easier for them to snap their pictures and have some clever headline to write was annoying.

olivia stumbled along the paved sidewalk as kate and will followed closely behind. the cars rushed pass them giving both of them anxiety knowing whoever lurked inside the cars could be a media spy ready to capture any false move. “liv, please can you not be a complete embarrassment right now? the entire town does not need to hear you.” kate yelled to her and picking up her step.

“oh come on, live a little.” she sang and spread her arms wide open. “i promise once we are back you will not hear a peep out of me.”

“i don’t think any of are nearly on your level yet.” will joked.

“no one is on your level.” she spun around. “you’re a prince. you’re all high and mighty.”

“liv…” kate rushed up to her and grabbed on to her arm. she looked back at will, who showed nothing but a smile on his face.

“i’m only kidding.” she laughed. “kate, stop being so stuffy.”

“lets just get back.” yanking on her arm, olivia continued her drunken banter all the way home. will strolled behind them and kate casually peered over her shoulder to see him with his hands in his pocket. she was not sure if olivia’s comment was hurtful or not. it had come out in a negative tone and the tension in the air was there or at least she had felt it.

once they have had arrived to their apartment, kate stepped aside to let will unlock the door and olivia stripped herself of her coat. still with his hands in his pockets he watched as his roommate swirled around grab on to objects to steady herself. kate moved next to will to take in the hilarity of the moment as he brushed up against her arm. his touch sent a sparking sensation through her body.

“you know.” olivia put one foot on the staircase and steadied herself. “you two don’t have to be hush hush. i know what you’re doing. we all do. don’t worry loves charles and i aren’t going to say a thing. we will take it to the grave.” she winked and slowly moved up the ascending stairs. “and don’t worry about sneaking around at night.” she continued to ramble on. “it’s not like we didn’t hear you the first time.”

holding her breath, kate waited until olivia was up the stairs and in her room. she let out a loud sigh and looked to will for answers. his wrinkled forehead and squinting eyes told her he was just as confused too. they both thought they had been careful and quiet about their relationship, but maybe they had not had been as careful as they thought. at least not under the same roof since both their roommates were aware of their secret rendezvous.

“you know.” will began quietly. “i have never felt more relieved in my life.”

“what?” she asked.

“i mean why are we hiding our relationship from our roommates?” he wondered. “it’s not like we don’t trust them, do we? and clearly they caught on to what we were doing sooner than we thought.”

“but will,” kate showed concern. “i mean its not that i don’t mind honestly either its just what if more people find out. things won’t be the same.”

“i know.” he put his hands on her shoulders. “i know. i won’t let anyone ruin what we have. behind these doors we can finally be ourselves though. we can express how we truly feel, but we will be careful. i promise.”

“i guess we should have saw this coming.” she shook her head.

“i guess you’re right katie.” he stated and seemed slightly embarrassed.

“katie?” she took a step back. “no one ever calls me that besides my father.”

will bowed his head. “i’m sorry. i’ve just been really wanting to call you that and it just slipped.”

katie. it was different hearing from someone else besides her father calling her that, but she didn’t mind. hearing him say her name made her love him even more. it showed that he really did care for her and she put her hand under his chin to lift his head. “i love it.”

“are you sure?” he questioned.

“positive.” she assured him. “only those who really love me call me that and hearing you say it…makes me fall in love with you more.”

will leaned in to kiss her. she was no longer the girl he fell in love with. she was katie to will and she didn’t want it any other way.

[kalemakar]

Plz dont read this its pure crack that i wrote at 1am 

Senne x Coffee (three times bc that park one was weird af senne and coffee were in love and then one time coffee died rip [omfg its 1 am go to sleep norah]) 1377 words of crack

1. 

     Senne stretched his limbs, cracking his joints and yawned loudly. He opened his eyes slowly and rubbed his eyes harshly in order to wake up. He looked over to Zoe sleeping peacefully beside him. He wanted to stay with her, he really did; but he really, really needed his wonderful, amazing, coffee. A bright grin lighted Senne’s face and he softly shoved Zoe’s head off his arm and jumped out of bed. He lightly jogged over the kitchen, still having his stupid giddy smile on his face. 

    He sees his beloved coffee maker and his cup all nice and clean. He makes his coffee as quickly as he can, excited for his morning cuppa. After 5 really really long minutes, his coffee was finally ready. He brings the coffee up to his mouth and eagerly sips it. The coffee had a crisp, bright flavor, with subtle hints of citrus and rich chocolates. The air is thick with the scent  of his coffee and it hits his nose harshly but Senne drinks in the aroma as he sips his beloved coffee. He plops down at the kitchen table and looks out the flatshare window. It was perfect; it was perfect scenery. Him with his coffee, looking out at the skyline of Antwerp, looking at the bustling street below him. He gives a small little smile and looks down at his partner in crime, the one who was always there for him; coffee. His brown, delicious, sweet, smooth, wonderful tasting coffee. 

    He hears the soft footsteps of Zoe coming up behind him. She looked at him and titled her lips, softly smiling. She sat on Senne’s lap, cuddling him, as they both looked out at the streets of Antwerp with his coffee in one hand and Senne thought, “I don’t need anything else.”

2. 

    Senne slammed his head against the kitchen table in frustration after reading a passage from his physics book once more (mi in physics that bitch). He groaned, both in mental and physical pain and felt like tearing his hair out because of how confused he was. The afternoon light came through the windows, lighting up his physics assignment, reminding him that he had to finish all of it today. 

    “Frick it” he thought as he got up and went to the coffee machine. If he was going to suffer through his physics assignment, then he should have some company of some sort. As he makes his coffee he looks at his physics in contemplation. He had an idea of what he was supposed to do, but whatever he did, it just didn't make sense. 

    His coffee was made and he slipped in delicately. He sighed happily and closed his eyes. ‘Yes this was he needed.’

    Just then, he heard Robbe and Sander crashing through the flat and making their way to the kitchen. The two were exchanging kisses and dragging the other along. They finally reached the fridge where Sander put Robbe on the counter and opened the fridge to get some snacks. The two were giggling and cuddling and kissing the other every five seconds. 

    Senne put the coffee down with tight pursed lips. “Oh my fricking god these gay biotches are ruining my coffee and me time”

    Senne loves his adopted son, he really does. But right now he was interrupting Senne’s and his coffee me time. He cleared his throat, causing both Sander and Robbe to jump and whip their heads over to the noise. Both had eyes towards him and were surprised to see him. 

    Senne asked, “Do you two mind, I’m trying to study” [and drink my fricking coffee]

    Robbe nervously giggled, “Of course Senne” and hopped off the counter and dragged Sander, who carried all of their snacks, by the sleeve of his hoodie. 

    He smiled at the two and returned to his delicious af coffee.

3.

    Zoe and Senne were cuddling and lazily making out on Zoe’s and Senne’s bed in the flatshare. The two trading kisses, cuddled up in blankets and through the silence of the flat. Both were so relaxed and happy lying peacefully together.

    That is, until Senne’s alarm went off. The loud “ring, ring” noise started Zoe so much that she flew right off the bed and the ground loudy. She groaned in pain and looked up at Senne in confusion.

    “Senne… why is your phone alarm going off”

    But Senne wasnt answering her. Instead he was getting off the bed and quickly throwing on his shirt. He looked determined; as if he had somewhere or someone or something important to get to. Senne bolts out of the room, sliding and almost crashing into the wall because of his socks on the hardwood floor. Zoe quickly gets up as well and chases after Senne to see what the big fuss was about. 

    “Senne! Where the heck are you going? Senne-”

    Zoe slows down to find Senne, making coffee. He interrupted their time together… to make coffee. Zoe clenched her fists and blew her hair out of her face all while having an angry death glare on her face. She looked back at Senne to see him with a giddy smile on his face towards the coffee maker and muttering something about his coffee. 

    Zoe rolled her eyes, but a small smile grew against her will, “Senne, did you leave our warm, comfy, bed to make coffee, that you apparently scheduled”

    Senne was startled and jumped after hearing Zoe speak. He looked sheepishly at her while rubbing the back of his head and replied “Yeah, I have to have my coffee at least five times a day or else we wouldn’t have our tight bond”

    Zoe stared. And stared. And stared. 

    “Our.. bond..?” She asked, confused. 

    Senne smiled, “Our bond”

    Zoe once again stared; but then decided, she didn't need to know more and slowly and quietly tiptoed back into her room. 

4. Oops 

    Milan, Zoe, Robbe, Sander, and Senne were having a small flat share party to celebrate everyone finishing their year of school. Sander and Senne have finished another year of college and Robbe and Zoe finished their last year of high school. They were having a few drinks and lively music playing in the background. Sander was twirling Robbe, both were looking happily at each other. Milan was jamming out to the song while swinging violently all over the kitchen. Zoe was hugging Senne and trying to convince him to put his cup of coffee down. After Zoe pulls at him and smiles and gives him convincing kisses he finally puts his coffee down on the table and puts his arms around Zoe and they sway around together with their foreheads touching. Everyone was ecstatic, joyful, and overall were having a wonderful time. 

    That changed in seconds. 

    Milan swung too much in one direction and became extremely dizzy. He bounced around the kitchen with everyone laughing. However; he landed on the counter that held Senne’s precious coffee maker and coffee. As Milan was getting up, he swiped his hands across the counter, bringing down the coffee maker and the coffee cup. 

    It was like a slow motion video. Everyone’s jaw dropped and a look of terror crossed Senne’s face. He ran after the coffee maker but it was all vain. Both the coffee cup and coffee maker smashed into the ground and shattered into a million pieces. Senne dropped onto his knees and his hands hovered shakily over the mess. He cut off a gasp by putting his hands over his mouth. Tears came to his eyes and he stared at his beloved coffee maker and the cup spilled all over the floor. He glares up at Milan, opening his mouth but nothing comes out of it. He stares back at the mess. 

    Behind Senne, Sander looked concerned and asked Robbe, “Is he okay? Should we do something?”

    “...I don't know,” Robbe replied, looking concerned for Senne as well. 

    Milan looked terrified, not really knowing what to do but slowly running out of the room away from Senne. 

    Zoe however, looked over at Senne with purse lips and a slight sympathetic look in her eyes and said, “Oh my god, Senne we can buy a new one”

    Senne tensed and then whipped his head over his shoulder and yelled, “IT'S NOT THE SAME”

In conclusion i'm a dramatic bitc 

[black-streak]

Waiting for the Worms - Hey You

Part 15

I had planned to be so much further in the plot by this chapter and yet here we are. I don't want to say this is a filler chapter, because the reunion of the team and all is important but like, nothing exciting happens here. Very tame. Don't expect anything crazy. That's next chapter.

Special thanks to @cassiopeiathequeen for reading this over for me when I second guessed if I should even post this one or not.

CLOSED list of dinner specials (I'm tired, shush): @northernbluetongue @thethirdwheelfriend @shizukiryuu @theatreandcomicfreak @michellemagic @karategirl119 @moonlightstar64 @my-name-is-michell @mystery-5-5 @zalladane @queen-of-the-trash-planet-tm @miraculousdisapointment @dorkus-minimus @jardimazul @allthebooksandcrannies @g-arya @worlds-tiniest-spook-pastry @persephonescat @mycupisbroken @luciferge @18-fandoms-unite-08 @dawnwave16 @alwaysreblogneverpost @kris-pines04 @mysteriouslyswimmingfan-blo-blog @weird-pale-blonde-person @you-will-never-know-how-i-think @kokotaru @naclychilli @slytherinhquinn @clumsy-owl-4178 @ladybug-182 @darkthunder1589 @evil-elf16 @dast218 @lysslovsanime @emilytopaz @naoryllis @iloontjeboontje @thepeacetea @danielslilangel @finallyaniguana @i-like-fairytail-and-stuff @vixen-uchiha @yuulxd @bleeding-heart-romantic @magic-inthe-stars @st0rmy-w1th1n

~---~

It took a moment for anyone to move, all still looking back and forth between Jason and her, as though unsure how to proceed.

While they took their sweet time figuring it out, Damian glanced at Jason, then back to her, "I see what you meant now. This will take time to adjust to."

"Oh?" She inquired, a quirk to her eyebrow.

"I keep looking to him, but that isn't correct, is it? It's annoying to think I might accidentally treat him as I treat you just because his flesh prison is the one I am accustomed to."

"Would that be so terrible?" She offered, face barely hinting at amusement.

"Yes."

Chuckling, she drew him closer into her lap where he allowed himself to huddle close, turning to watch the masses once more.

Jason, a state of content shock, kept their hands tightly bound, watching the two before him interact with such ease. Meanwhile the others only just now found the nerve to move fully into the living room, very aware of the two sets of eyes observing them. One pair, they thought they were used to, had seen almost everyday for years, but the glow to them was different. Electric green seemed to spark through the vivid blue, dangerous and wild. 

Kagami never felt fear as a civilian, especially after having been a superhero for so long. Had never felt threatened or like an easy target, but those eyes on her suddenly made her feel like prey in the sights of a killer. The dark green eyes set below only added to this.

Juleka couldn't explain how on edge the little boy put her. His hardened eyes never strayed from their little group, harsh and judging. No child should be so intimidating or coiled so tight, as though to pounce. The protective arms wrapped around him seemed less for their safety, but rather hinted at more than one opponent should things go downhill.

Marc suddenly had a new idea for a story about a lone wolf and her wolf cub, living in the wilderness, avoiding conflict but capable of taking down even the mightiest of warriors. They could wager a guess where that idea came from as they stood behind the armchair Kagami placed herself in, Chloe sitting on the arm of it, Juleka sitting on the carpet between her feet.

As for Chloe, she simply stared at who she could only assume was Jason. That tall, ridiculously muscled man, with his white streak and swimming teal eyes was who they had fought alongside so long? How in the hell did he pull off a tiny little teenage girl for so long? How old was this guy even to have such a scarred, built body? What had Mari been through in her time as him? She couldn't help it, she needed to know.

"Jason, how old are you?"

He startled in his seat, turning to look at her, "uh, well I was a year older than her, so eighteen, I guess."

"Seventeen and a half," Marinette corrected.

"But he said-"

"You don't continue aging in a dead body."

She answered so matter of fact, so flippantly, they fell silent once more. Kagami was the first to regain her bearings.

"Must you be so blunt about it?"

Those eyes swung to focus in on her, sharp with challenge, "Why not?"

Chloe rose to it first, "Because it hurts okay? Your acting like it means nothing, but it does. It hurts-!" 

"Like a crowbar to the face?" She cut in, a dark little smile twisting her face as the green seemed to flash in her eyes.

Damian snickered at the playful jab, adding on, "Such cutting words, Mari, how do they compare to the autopsy?

"Like a gentle caress, little one," her grin becoming more wicked as she nuzzled the top of his head. Right then the hand she forgot was gripping her own became nearly crushing as it shook.

"Fucking hell, Mari," his voice rattled out and as her head jerked in his direction, she saw his crumpled expression break into a broken laugh. He ran his free hand through his hair, "I only found out you were alive an hour ago, could we maybe hold off on the morbid humor?"

"Hey, that means I was alive two and a half more years than you thought though," she attempted to comfort him.

"Yeah? And how were those two years spent?" He snarked back, though she could hear the desperation in his voice, begging to know why she hadn't come back sooner. Hadn't looked for him.

"Curbing my bloodlust," she easily replied, not outwardly reacting, eyes searching his for understanding. The flash of green in his own answered. 

He shook his head and nudged Damian, the boy instinctively moving at the nudge from a familiar hand and looking pissed upon realizing his mistake as he dropped onto the other end of the couch behind where Mari had ended up. Jason heeded him no mind as he pulled Marinette closer until she moved herself into his lap, letting herself marvel at how small she now was.

"Excuse me? Do we just not exist over here?" Chloe snapped into their little bubble.

"I wish," Damian muttered.

"Watch it brat."

"Chloe," Marinette growled out the warning.

The blonde teared up, "Mari, we're friends. You remember right?"

Sighing, she clamped down on the anger, "Of course I remember. Please try to refrain from calling him names though," swiveling towards Damian, who had started smirking, she snapped him out of it, "And Damian, learn tolerance. More people will be entering our lives now and we'll have to navigate around those the other chooses to associate with." He hunched in on himself at her reprimand.

"She lashed out at you. Her feelings about your death are not your fault."

"They aren't, but I also have zero tact about the topic of my demise. Maybe I cannot be blamed for her feelings over my dying, but I could control how hurtful my words are. Then she wouldn't have felt the need to lash out, just as you wouldn't. I won't become more tactful and I'll understand if she doesn't wish to talk to me because of it, but I could have," she turned back to Chloe with that, noticing the contemplative look to some, sadness to others. Jason simply looked like he understood and sympathized.

"So how exactly did this group come to be?"

"It took less than two months for Jason to fire Chat," Juleka spoke up, gripping Kagami's calf from her spot on the floor, purposefully drawing attention to the person she held, " choose her as the new black cat."

"Fair enough, and the rest are holders as well, I presume?"

At this moment, kwamis began to reveal themselves, Longg peeking out of Chloe's bag, Trixx popping out of Marc's hoodie, Mullo showing off their spot amongst Juleka's hair. Tikki eventually floated out of Kagami's blazer, looking at her with forlorn, yet hopeful eyes.

Feeling a purr start up against her neck, she twisted to look up at Jason.

"You two switched?"

"We switch often," Kagami spoke here, cradling Tikki who sat her palm holding back tears at the lack of reaction given, "good for confusing the enemy. They never knew which of us it was until the fighting style gave it away."

"It also became necessary due to my not being a very good fit for Tikki despite my body being the proper match," Jason cut in here.

"Juleka and I switch often as well. Fits us better that way."

"I stay the same, but I have three different forms, so I suppose it's fair," Chloe added.

"And Hawkmoth?"

"Gone. We ended it about a year or so ago," Jason reassured.

Only then did a tiny, happy smile slip onto her face, lightening the atmosphere and allowing everyone in the room to relax.

"Tikki? I've missed you sweetie bug," Mari cooed, the little goddess perking up and launching herself forward into the other side of her neck to cuddle close.

"Mari? I'm so happy you're alive! I missed you so much, you don't even know!" Tikki sniffled then immediately begin to scold her, "don't you ever pull a stunt like that on me again, do you hear? I can't lose you again."

"I know, I'm sorry. I cannot promise that."

"What does that mean?!"

"I might not have known I would die in that moment, but I would do so again," she looked over to Jason now, "I would take that hit again without hesitation. And I'm sure my life being threatened isn't going to suddenly stop. I will however do everything within my abilities to prevent another unnecessary death." 

The kwami gave a little huffy sniffle and ducked back into her neck once more, as Kagami gave a cough. "Don't worry, I have no intention of taking back your miraculous. You fit Tikki quite nicely from what I can tell."

"You.. Don't want me back?" Tikki spoke up.

"It's not that I wouldn't like to have you back by my side, but tell me truthfully Tik. Looking into my soul, could you see me being able to use your miraculous?"

The kwami deflated once more at that, knowing her to be right. At that moment, she felt a small hand softly tap her back before reaching up by her neck and slowly cupping the sleepy cat resting there. Sitting perfectly still until Plagg had been completely extracted, she turned to watch Damian slowly pet the God, the surprisingly docile kwami watching the boy out of the slits of his eyes. 

"What is he?" Damian looked to her, wide eyed and curious.

Chloe spoke up, trying to amend the static from earlier, "He's a kwami. They're like pocket sized Gods, bonded to pieces of jewelry. The person who wears that jewelry is granted the ability to use the corresponding kwami's power. His name is Plagg and he's the kwami of Destruction."

Damian nodded along, eyes filled with wonder as the others took turns introducing the other kwamis in the room, Tikki joining them as Plagg floated back over to Mari. For her part, Mari relaxed further as the others became purposefully distracted so as not to overwhelm each other any further, while also keeping Damian occupied.

Turning to greet Plagg, she offered a considering look, "You were on my person in the cafe."

He nodded.

"You adjusted my aim during the attack."

"You were going to kill them," he tensed up, tone defensive.

"I know."

"Marinette-"

"I'm glad you stopped me. They were not lives that needed taken."

"You've changed so much," the cat kwami sounded remorseful and desolate, taking her in, soul and all. 

"I have. You still love me though?"

"Course I do, sweetheart," the big green eyes teared up, never good at hiding his real feelings around her, especially now that he could see his own destruction magic in her soul and consuming Jason's body.

Taking a deep breath, she spoke out to the room, informing them that she'd be in the kitchen, making lunch. They all nodded in agreement, knowing they all needed the space to figure out their thoughts.

Jason followed her, "Mind if I join you?"

Turning around, knowing they no longer had an audience, she let her tears fall freely, speaking softly to not alert the others "Jay? This is real isn't it? You're really here?"

Holding her by the shoulders, he leaned down to meet her eyes, "shouldn't I be the one asking that?" He teased, smiling at her small laugh, "This is some surreal shit, isn't it?"

"Yeah," she choked out, rubbing her eye as she pushed forward and pressed her face to his chest, wrapping herself around him, feeling his arms hover a moment before pulling her in tight.

"You're being strong for him, aren't you?"

Grabbing his hand, she led him into the bedroom, closing the door softly, "He doesn't have anyone else, Jay. I'm sure he told you about the league?"

"Yeah, something like that."

"Didn't happen to mention what he was doing there, did he?

"He slipped a bit, but I'd rather hear it from you."

"Talia is his mother. She took me in so I could get him out. Trained me to be the perfect protector, gave me the means to leave, disconnected from him completely so he wouldn't argue. And of course I agreed. He was being abused, Jay. It was so terrible, the way they were raising him. But I don't know what I'm doing."

"I don't know, you seemed to be doing a pretty amazing job out there," he brushed tears off her face, still amazed that he could, "How do you want to handle this? With me having taken my body back. I'll follow your lead here."

"About that… You and I have joint custody."

"What?"

"Legally, you're his older brother, who adopted him after your parents died, since you were of age to do so. Marinette Todd is your wife who adopted him with you."

"Wh-why would you- I mean-?" He cut himself off, confused.

"Well I mean, I didn't think the connection would ever come back, but in case it did or if I felt it safe to find you. I didn't want to take a chance. We can go back and change them?"

"It's fine, just, how old did you make us to be married and able to adopt a child?"

"Well he's your brother, so the adoption part would be easy despite age, plus we forged documentation for cps check-ins for two years, so they won't be checking now."

"And how old does that make us?"

"You're twenty one and I'm twenty. We've been his legal parents since you turned nineteen. We married the year after I graduated high school. You looked old enough to pull it off and I wasn't sure what I looked like anymore but doubted anyone would look twice."

"Well alright then," he blinked, pulling her close again and setting his head on top of hers, "It's going to take a while to get used to being this tall," he admitted.

"How do you think I feel," she rested fully against him, blown away by the ability to lean on someone for once.

A knock sounded on the door and Damian peaked in, "Mari? You need to come see this."

[pochapal]

rank every year of the 2010s from best to worst i want some pochapal lore

[warning for discussion of my fucked up mental health and my myriad traumas. we’re really opening the pandora’s box here gang]

ok time for me to overshare on the internet again! super long post because i can’t shut up and you asked for it. anyway, by objective ranking: 

#1: 2012 - halcyon era, my personal peak. spent the whole year writing hunger games oc fics with my deviantart fanfiction besties whom i still think about all the time and always hope are having the best possible day. if you were here for this era understand i still hold you so closely and dearly in my heart <3. 

#2: 2013 - god i was such a good example of a human being back then. was the year my writing like actually took off and i had a healthy balance between creative stuff and a social life (said social life consisting of spending lunchtimes at school breaking into classrooms and discussing fandom shit with five other people. reading homestuck updates in the music room on one person’s really shaky mobile data...legendary). highlight of the year and maybe my life was in the april of 2013 when i got out of failing to submit a hard deadline essay by telling my english teacher i wrote a whole novel over the two week break and then producing said novel. god i wish i had that level of like. fucking confidence back me back then knew what i wanted and how to get it. 

#3: 2010 - the last year of childhood. i was 12 and played pokemon all the time with my friends and went places and had a moderately successful youtube channel and it didn’t matter that i was bullied so badly at school because i was basically high off life. summer of 2010 was so good specifically. i’d used to get the bus with a friend and go see movies and break into historical sites and get into normal childhood mayhem and maxed out my pokewalkers twice a month and i was buzzed because i had two (2) whole friendship groups to choose from and that was such a huge deal to me the terminal social outcast. it was so simple and carefree and even though everything and everyone involved in this era grew up to suck except for one specific person i kinda really miss it.

#4: 2018 - this was the first year i wasn’t depressed to the point of nonfunctioning. it was 20gayteen, i was on antidepressants, i was as close to thriving as i got at uni (going into town with people once a week, attending art and culture events, getting good grades across the board), i started to write for fun again, i got my cat whom i love dearly, i was exhibited in my uni’s city’s literature festival, GOD i actually nearly attended a pride event that year can you imagine. this year was basically my life’s second peak. miss getting the 8am train and daintily sipping on a cherry coke to keep me from passing out. wish this time could have lasted longer.

#5: 2019 - kinda absolute middle of the road year not for lack of anything happening but because the overwhelming amount of good and bad things cancelled each other out. so like there’s the fact that i was at the top of my uni game this year, was basically making the first steps into a professional writing career (covid i will never forgive you for killing all that dead </3), finally saved up enough to buy myself a gaming pc, and the summer after the homestuck epilogues, but equally 2019 was the start of the Pochapal Gender Fiasco which is by far the most horrible thing i am still currently undergoing and i burnt myself out mentally about halfway through the year (being stuck overnight in a hospital for a panic attack absolutely horrible horrible irredeemable) and then got like super death plague flu that i was sick with for three months (literally recovered less than a month before rona hit. god’s cruel karma.). so like...it kind of averaged out? the good shit was good but not as great as other years and the bad shit was awful but nowhere near as terrible as it could have been. gotta give a shoutout to 90% of my current mutual cohort for following me in 2019...omelette route gang make some noise !!

#6: 2014 - oof. this year essentially marked the start of a four year long downward mental health spiral because everything fell into awful alignment. i’d just turned 16, finished secondary school, had all my friends up and ditch me at once, was home alone for a whole summer, and was hit with Sudden Intense Body Image Issues that i couldn’t explain until uh. after very recent developments lmao. this one goes out to the me of july 2014 who did nothing but lay in bed and listen to the same two marina albums on a loop because fuck i’m attracted to men and also my facial and body hair are really starting to come in and if i think about this for too long i will literally kill myself because oh god i can’t handle getting older which is clearly and definitely the issue going on here. my brain fucking broke super hardcore and it’s a miracle that an overeating disorder was like the worst thing i walked away with. 

#7: 2015 - downward spiral year two!! i was so volatile this year it was such a mess. i was totally socially isolated after a brief stint of falling in with a group of people at the start of my first year of sixth form until january where in quick succession a) it turned out every single one of these people was friends with the person who sexually assaulted me whom i obviously had a lot of complicated feelings towards and b) baby’s first crush came out as bisexual but in the “women and also trans women” kind of way which tore me up so terribly in ways i couldn’t begin to understand. no words for the experience of seeing a girl kiss a boy and crying so hard at night you threw up because you could never be her no matter how much you wanted it. actually kinda get the sense what was going on there was bigger than just some crush lmao. then after that i was so mentally ill i basically attended school less than half the time and it was the only year in my life i failed my exams. i ended up having to resit my entire set of first year a level exams because jesus christ was i in such a bad way it was a miracle i even showed up to them. all i did was either have anxiety attacks or enter bedbound depressive slumps for weeks at a time. but it’s okay because it gets worse.

#8: 2016 - downward spiral act iii: the spiralling. prefacing this by saying that i actually had two whole good months (april - may) in that i was functioning enough to do my exams and finish school with decent grades. the rest was super extra mega terrible. my school attendance for year 13 dipped below 65% and literally the only thing that kept me from being kicked out was the fact that i was naturally smart at the subjects i took and also because the school would have a lot to answer for after letting me get to that state despite having a hefty file on how damaged i was. keep in mind every single part of this was fully untreated btw - i was just floundering around and letting it all fester. i spent three solid weeks going to school but locking myself in the bathroom all day every day and having mental health episodes then going home like nothing else happened only to continue the breakdown that night. then things got kicked into fucked up overdrive when i moved out to uni and was cut off from what little support structures i did have. it was so bad all i did was cry all the time and never went anywhere to the point where three separate sources recommended me to the wellbeing and crisis counselling service that i stopped going to after two sessions because i was fucked up in ways cbt techniques could not even touch. at least i tried to make an effort for the first two months of uni which like. good for me?

#9: 2017 - what lieth at the base of the spiral. helltrench year. i was at literal rock bottom. i stopped going to class, i didn’t hand in a single piece of work. i lied to my parents and would book trains each day only to go back to my student flat and sit there and contemplate suicide. like i would just slump on the floor in a catatonic state and vividly contemplate one of four or so ways i could end my own life. i only didn’t because i wanted to wait until the summer to collect my last student loan and transfer it to my parents as an apology for my death which obviously didn’t end up happening. honestly i can’t remember much of the first half of 2017 that’s how bad it was. i remember taking a gender studies class and the teacher made it Weird that i was the Only Male Student in the room and then she sent me a scolding email after i walked out halfway through a class and never returned. apparently i got into a lot of online discourse in this year but i don’t remember anything other than being put on a blocklist by the milkfic author over ace discourse which is funny if you have the context. mostly i just baited terfs and weirdo freaks to get them to say horrible things to me as what i guess amounts to some kind of digital self harm. anyway breaking point came in late august when i got kicked out of university and then nobody could ignore it any more so there was no choice left but for me to seek out help and recover enough to function which luckily i did. i really Do Not remember 2017. you could tell me anything about that year and i’d probably believe you.

#10: 2011 - extra circle of hell for this little fucked up gem of a year. on the surface it wasn’t actually that terrible, until the Summer 2011 Domino Effect Of Bad Shit. up until like may/june it was a pretty all right year! i was 13 and had a surprisingly successful youtube channel uploading pokemon soundfont remixes to an audience of i think ~350-400 subscribers at my peak? anyway then i got hit with the early summer triple combo of childhood friends moving away, cute and quirky sexual assault at the hands of a person in my friend group, and then having some Really Great and Super Appropriate interactions with adults on deviantart. like obviously there’s the actual ptsd-inducing event which totally disrupted and killed the person i was right up until that moment and reshaped every facet of my life for better or worse (there’s an alternate timeline where that didn’t happen and i got into electronic music and/or coding instead) but really it’s the events that followed in its wake which were kind of more fucked up. so like all of a sudden i was super aware of my body and me growing my hair out and being mistaken for a girl in class suddenly became this Less Innocent thing and i ended up spending hours overnight going to transgender questioning forums and looking up hrt timeline videos and having the wikipedia article on tracheal shaving saved because it was a life raft to me whose voice was imminently gonna deepen and i was simultaneously reeling with constant trauma flashbacks and the whole thing was so so fucked up. then i was on deviantart and i don’t remember exactly how but a small group of furry guys ten to fifteen years older than me started messaging me and encouraging and requesting me to produce nonsexual fetish stuff for them and talking to me about stuff like if i’d ever thought about growing up to be gay and i didn’t think anything of it for a long while because they called me a very talented writer and it felt so good to have someone be nice to me after being so alone and isolated for months on end. anyway the only reason i got out of that before it got bad was because they invited me to one of the big furry sites and i was weirded out because i thought it was a porn site and thinking about sexual stuff was a huge trauma trigger so i just ended up blocking them all and pretending like it didn’t happen. at the time half this shit didn’t bother me but in retrospect holy fuck 2011 was such a damaging year. to think if like three events didn’t happen i wouldn’t be the fucked up mess you see before you today.

god fuck this turned out super long but i’m not apologising because this was a therapeutic exercise for me and also constitutes as one of the biggest pochapal lore dumps of all time. come get your food or whatever.

[mousehole5000]

more tgcf chapters 143-173 lets goooooo

PEI MING BOO HISS except actually okay he’s mostly funny i think but still boo hiss

“hey who’s this guy who’s really pissed at you?” “oh thats my sword. i broke it.” alright then!

i think i need to go back and reread the banyue pass arc bc im still confused as to whats going on with banyue and pei su

“Banyue dropped from the sky with two pots raised. Without a word, she plummeted with the mouths of the pots facing down, trapping and detaining the shocked Ming’guang and the roaring Ke Mo within.” - THATS MY GIRL

“It must be known that, to heavenly officials, it certainly was more than natural for kingdoms of the mortal realm to fight and annihilate one another; the acts of these plays progressing on endlessly. But when it came their own turn, it was often hard to let things go. If one must stand in the same court as the one who annihilated their own kingdom, and that man cavorted in the heavens, exceedingly flashy, then it must be vexing.” - hmmmm!!

“I’ve spoken too many words in this lifetime. What are you referring to?” - okay to be fair thats a mood

okay its nice to get some pei ming backstory and its funny that he and xie lian are bonding but also still whenever pei ming interacts with a female character my hackles rise like a cat lol

“Xie Lian watched as Banyue thought really hard before cheerfully pulling out a few long, wine-red scorpion-snakes, and putting them into the bubbling pot.” - THATS MY GIRL

“Although “smell” was something colourless and formless, the instant Banyue removed the pot cover, it was as if some mysterious physical object had twisted all the air around the mouth of that pot. The group stared at the sight within the pot for a long time. Their pupils reflected an endless, bottomless darkness; like it could pull them into the abyss. No words could describe the sentiment expressed within their eyes. A moment later, Xie Lian patted Banyue’s shoulder and gave a thumbs-up.” - like father-figure like daughter-figure. amazing.

“However, what if one day mortals discovered something completely new that ran faster than horses? Then, when this new invention overtook horses, worshippers of this heavenly official who controlled horses would inevitably decrease. Such heavenly officials, flashing by like shooting stars, made up the majority of the heavens.” - obsessed with this, genuinely. life and change. worship and its purpose. my religious studies diploma on my wall is screaming at me rn. ALSO i am once again thinking about celebrities

“...” It was only then that Pei Ming seemed to notice, and started to contemplate this question. A moment later, he answered, “A habit. In a dark, creepy place like this, isn’t it normal to hold women in your arms, to comfort them and calm their fears?” “I’m sorry, but I wasn’t scared,” Banyue said.” - BANYUE I LOVE YOU. I MISSED YOU SO MUCH. god this takes me back to every college party i ever went to

LING WEN BACKSTORY????? shoeseller chosen for godhood bc she wrote a political essay and got arrested...... and now she’s face to face with the official who appointed her..... do go on.....

“Ling Wen laughed out loud, seeming to be enraged, and her voice dropped. “Very well! You said I couldn’t reach that high. Then, might I ask you: had the prominence of the Palace of Jing Wen at its peak ever reached even the knees of my Palace of Ling Wen??” - GET HIM!!!! BOO HISS JING WEN

“Compared to you, I’m not that bad,” Ling Wen said. “You’d personally order me to stay in the Palace of Jing Wen until midnight, then turn around and say I shamelessly hang around ‘til late to harass you. Words murder without form; I was much nicer responding with blatant violence.” - ling wen im love you..... also this bit... feels Real

BLOOD RAIN BLOOD RAIN BLOOD RAIN!! FLOWER PETALS TRANSFORMATION!!! see hua cheng? look as how cool it can be when you leave the story for a little while!! bc then you get to return and make an entrance!!

“Not only can you bring forth bloody rain, you can also make flowers shower. I didn’t know that. How fun!” - cute!! and in that moment we were all xie lian

“Everyone was stunned by his deed, and Ling Wen arduously gave him a thumbs-up. ”Ol’ Pei, what a man!” Pei Ming gritted his teeth. “WELCOME!” - aww three two tumors buddies!!

okay yin yu is here and xie lian did the equivalent of asking someone when the baby is due only to find out theyre not pregnant at all. then rong guang taunts yin yu and no one says anything. i do love the amount of awkward moments in this book tbh sometimes there are no words.

“All around was sand and mud crushing at him, exceedingly suffocating. The sand and mud was also moving endlessly; the feeling was like he was swallowed into the stomach of a giant monster, and that monster had also eaten a bunch of other things besides him, tumbling everything in its stomach, trying to digest” - ooooh creepy!!! the red string thing... is cute.... also xie lian being able to see hua cheng’s butterfly vision by looking directly into his eye is kinda cool. and obviously homoerotic.

“Are lower-ranked heavenly officials below other people?” Quan Yizhen asked. “No,” Yin Yu replied. Were they not? It was obvious that he himself didn’t believe in his own words, and Quan Yizhen also noticed. A good while later, he said bluntly, “I don’t like it here.” Yin Yu said nothing.” - im having emotions. and then yin yu also saying he doesnt like it there either.... also idk how this scene is going to play out but as much as im enjoying quan yizhen being an icon i can also possibly see how yin yu could eventually get to the point of “i am tired of being nice. i do just want to go apeshit” even if he really cares about qyz. it happens </3

“Indeed,” Hua Cheng said. “Half a year later when Quan Yizhen actually ascends, he won’t find it so funny anymore.” “Can we watch that part too?” Xie Lian asked. “We can. Hold on,” Hua Cheng replied.” - quan yizhen king of taking things literally. also why did this turn into hualian having a movie night

jian yu seems like the kind of asshole who would purposely give someone regular soda when they specifically asked for diet soda. god yin yu is really having a bad day i really feel for him in the whole situation with the brocade immortal

awww okay at least jian yu tried to take responsibility. im still mad at him tho that was objectively a terrible idea. god this whole situation sucked :(

“Rocks and earth crushed at them from all around, forcing their bodies to press tightly against one another, their faces brushing, their ears warm. Although it wasn’t the right time, a thought flashed through Xie Lian’s mind: “‘To die buried together’ doesn’t feel so bad.” - okay... im kind of emotional.... gay people....

okay obviously these murals and the prince of wuyong have some connection (im guessing pretty direct) to xie lian and are important but everytime they start analyzing one i feel like im back in art history class fhadskfhskjdhf not that thats a bad thing!! i liked art history a lot tbh

“Don’t worry, they’re not human,” Hua Cheng said. “It’s precisely because they’re not human that we have to worry, alright….” Xie Lian thought.” - goth ghost bf problems

xie lian: well, there is one person i trust more than anyone else, someone who’s first in my mind hua cheng, oblivious: oh :/ xie lian, also oblivious: what? hua cheng: you shouldnt trust so easily its dangerous xie lian: oh. haha. yeah. well. wanna,,, know who it is? hua cheng: its :) fine :) it :) doesnt :) matter :) but of course you can tell me if you want to gege xie lian, internally: well now ive made it weird hua cheng, 5 minutes later: actually i need you to tell me. right now. its totally for your security me: gay people smh

“As they suspected, he had been captured by Qi Rong. Although no one was bound by ropes, there were balls of greasily green ghost fires hovering over every one of their heads.” - completely off track but anybody else remember the great green globs of greasy grimy gopher guts song

“Could there actually come a day when Qi Rong was embarrassed that someone might see the manner in which he ate? Before Xuan Ji entered, she put Guzi down. Guzi, ta-ta-ta, ran in, rushing straight to Qi Rong’s side. But when he saw him, he pointed his finger. He cried, “Dad is eating bad things in secret again!” “I’m not!” Qi Rong retaliated.” SCREAM IS QI RONG LEARNING THE POWER OF LOVE NOOOO also god that poor man whose body he has im starting to doubt if he’ll ever be free jimmy novak flashbacks

everytime we get another ghost king power somewhere someone should be writing hua cheng the cyborg bf in a high tech futuristic au i think thats the only other potential setting that could truly capture this wild ride

“In truth, throughout history, there was no man in the world who didn’t love bragging. A breeze could blow the handkerchief of a brothel girl into a man’s hand, and he would turn around and say the most beautiful of renowned escorts had fallen in love with him; holding shoes and wiping benches for the emperor’s mistress’s uncle’s grandson’s cousin’s mistress would for sure become him being an important administrator at the residence of royal relatives, raising his status. Thus, men who didn’t brag were a rare species.” - SCREAM this is going in my favorite tgcf quotes folder god... mxtx come here let me shake your hand

read the story of rain master yushi huang’s ascension. why am i crying. also this bit im crying again me with my stuffed animals “Thus, while Yushi Huang was cultivating at the Temple of Yulong, every time when she went to seek water and passed that door, she would rub the head of that ox. The door knocker soaked in her essence of life, and when the Rain Master ascended, the ox ascended with her.”

okay thats enough for now i have 7 more chapters to book 4!!! woo!!!

[marisaaa]

The story of us

Robron week day 7 - History (not the fic theme i cheated)

AO3 link here

Seb struggles with a relationship and Aaron gives him advice through his own experiences. 

Seb was out on a date with his girlfriend. Emily, she was called. They’d met at school and had been dating for a few months now – it was their three-month anniversary. Seb had an idea to take her to the cricket pavilion, he made a picnic and they were going there for lunch.

Aaron and Robert were sat at the table in the kitchen, Robert was going over some haulage contracts and Aaron was scrolling through his phone when the door slammed.

They both turned towards the noise, glancing at each other briefly.

“Seb?” Aaron called, standing up from his chair and walking towards the door.

A red eyed and puffy Seb walked through the door, sniffing and wiping at his eyes. He was looking down at the floor, averting his eyes from his dad’s as he made his way over to the stairs.

“Hey, Seb.” Aaron rushed to grab his arm, “What happened?”

Seb pulled his arm free and sighed, still not making eye contact, “We broke up, that’s all.”

Robert put down the piece of paper he was holding, looking at Aaron who glanced back at him with sad eyes. “Oh, mate. I’m sorry.” He said gently.

Seb bit his lip and nodded his eyes, “It’s fine. It’s my fault anyway.”

“What do you mean its your fault?” Aaron asked, resting his hand onto Seb’s shoulder, “If you said anything, I’m sure she knows you didn’t mean it-”

“I told her I loved her.” Seb blurted out, finally looking between his dads.

Both Aaron and Robert’s mouths opened in shock, completely clueless on what to say.

Seb nodded and wiped at his eyes again, “I told her I loved her, and she couldn’t say it back.” He sucked in a harsh breath as he looked up the stairs. “I’m just- I’m going up to my room.”

He smiled sadly at the floor as he slowly made his way upstairs, quickening his pace as he got to the top and quickly closing his bedroom door.

Aaron let out a sigh and slowly wandered over to the table to sit opposite Robert. “Wow.” He breathed out, watching Robert nod and look upstairs.

“I can’t believe it.” He said quietly, “I didn’t think they were that serious.”

“Me neither,” Aaron admitted, “Do you think- what he said is the whole story?”

“What do you mean?” Robert quizzed, looking back at him, leaning his elbows on the table.

Aaron let out a breath and chewed on his lip, “I mean, do you think maybe she just- she stuttered or hesitated and he was- I don’t know, he was nervous and took it as denial.”

Robert looked like he was contemplating it before sighing and looking down at the contracts again, “I don’t know, but don’t push him. If he thinks we don’t believe him, we’ll never get anything out of him.”

“Gets that from you.” Aaron teased, laughing slightly when Robert pulled a face. “No, I think I know what to do.”

Seb was lying on his bed, his earbuds plugged in and a random song that he found on the family downloads playing. The blinds were shut, and his light was off. He tried to close his eyes and go to sleep, try to pretend that today hadn’t happened.

He tried not to look at the notifications popping up on his phone but the temptation was still there. He sneaked a look and saw the 5 missed calls and messages

Em: Seb please call me back, we need to talk.

Em: I need to explain myself, just please pick up.

He turned his phone over and shoved his head into the pillow. He was only sixteen. He knew his first love wasn’t going to be his last, he’d found that out from his dads and their own stories but actually living through it was a lot harder than he had expected.

A knock on his door kicked him out of his thoughts and he grunted into his pillow, wishing whoever it was could leave him to wallow. They knocked again though, and his room was suddenly filtered with light from the landing. He turned to face the open door to see Aaron stood there, a bowl in his hand.

“Your dad made- well burned popcorn if you want it.” He said gently, leaning against the doorframe.

Seb just shook his head and turned back around to face away from him. He didn’t leave, instead he just closed the door, turned a lamp on and sat down on the side of the bed.

“I don’t want to talk.” He murmured, bringing the duvet over his head.

He heard Aaron shuffle around and then something heavy was placed on his leg. “I don’t want you to talk, I want you to read.”

“What?” Seb asked, confused as he turned around in his duvet to sit up against the headboard. Aaron gestured towards the book that was now laying next to him on the bed. He picked it up. It was dark leather and had an elastic tie around the front to hold it closed. “What is this?”

Aaron took a deep breath in and unhooked the elastic band, opening the book. “It’s my diary.”

Seb scoffed, “You have a diary?”

“No. Not anymore.” Aaron quickly defended himself, “When I was younger. It helped, a lot. Before I had a counsellor, I would write all my messed up thoughts in that diary.”

Seb opened the front cover. He recognised the scrawl of his dad’s handwriting on the first page.

 “December 4th 2014”

 “Dad, I- why are you showing me this?” He stammered, closing the book and pushing it back over to Aaron.

“I thought you might like to see it from another point of view.” Aaron explained.

“What do you mean?”

“Read it.” Aaron told him as he pushed the diary back onto his lap and stood up, “You’ll understand what I mean.”

Aaron walked out the room slowly and quietly closed the door behind him, leaving Seb holding the diary on his lap.

-

It was weird. Seb felt weird, reading his dad’s diary. He knew that even though he was told to read it, he almost felt like he was doing something wrong.

His phone pinged again,

Em: I’m sorry, I really am. Please just text me or call me so we can talk. Whenever you’re ready.

He turned the phone off, pushing it off his bed so it landed with a thump on the carpet. He took a deep breath in and opened the book.

December 4th, 2014

I don’t know what’s going on. I want to scream it, I want to tell my mum, paddy, vic, anyone. I’m confused, I’m angry, I’m jealous. Why am I jealous? Because he’s with Chrissie?

Robert Sugden kissed me. He kissed me and then he came back for more. He’s hiding, though. He’s scared to admit what he really is.

Maybe I should just stay away from him.

Seb had heard this story a million times. How his dads were so in love with each other that they couldn’t keep away. How his dad didn’t regret the breaking up of his first marriage, as long as it meant he could be himself, with Aaron.

He skipped ahead a few pages, skim reading a few words every now and then. His writing was rather large on the page so he could get the gist of what each entry involved. Almost every page started with the word Robert.

March 26th 2015

Robert told me loved me. I know I’ve said it before, I know how I feel. It’s not just because I want him suffer. Ok, maybe I do, considering what he put me through. But I do love him. No matter how hard I try to tell myself I don’t, that he’s bad for me. I do. And I can’t get over the fact.

 Seb groaned at the soppyness and skipped a bunch of pages. One page had scribbles and doodles around the outside, angry ones.

 July 19th 2016

So, Robert’s moving in. I am happy, I’m excited. It’s a new beginning for the both of us and it makes our relationship seem more real.

It also means I don’t think I will have much time to write in here anymore. I guess that’s good. Finally, I have something in my life that’s steady, that’s constant. I love him, I really do. Sometimes I look at him and I can feel my heart multiply in size with the love that I feel.

I don’t tell him though. He does tell me and I know he means it but there’s this feeling in my stomach. The feeling that when I tell him, it’ll all be real. I’ll be transported out of this happy wonderland life that we’re living and get dumped in the real world.

Why am I scared?

 Seb’s heart sunk. He knew that they loved eachother and he’d heard them tell eachother that loads of times. He couldn’t imagine it being that hard, especially not for them.

He turned the next page but it was blank. He turned another page and another until he found one with slightly neater handwriting this time, it seemed less – angry.

 July 11th 2017

I guess we’re starting this up again, then? I’m surprised I even found it to be honest. I assumed it would have gotten lost in the move.

It’s crazy how time flies. Last time I wrote in here, we were moving into the pub. Now Robert’s having a baby.

He’s with Rebecca now. At a scan. My counsellor told me to write in here whenever I’m feeling down about it. I’m not upset anymore, she’s a constant reminder of what they did and it’s weighing me down, every time we see her, it’s right in my face.

I want him to understand that I’m okay with him having this baby. Sort of. I want to help him through this so we can face parenthood together. I love him, so I’ll love whatever is his.

 Seb felt tears start to form in his eyes. He knew about their time apart before he was born. He knew what happened between his mum and his dad, what happened to Lawrence and Chrissie.

Seeing written evidence from that time made it real, made him realise how much his parents loved eachother, even when they didn’t communicate it properly.

As he turned over a few more pages, a printed photo fell out of the book.

It was the photo of them at Liv’s university graduation day. Her with the hat and the scroll, Aaron and Robert with their arms around her shoulders, and then himself. He was stood in a small suit, at seven years old, a big smile plastered on his face as he stood with his family.

He turned the photo around to see writing on the back.

Talk to her. We wouldn’t have gotten this far if we hadn’t.

Dad x

-

He waited on the bench outside the front door of the mill. He had the diary in his hands, resting on top of his bouncing knee.

He’d called Emily, he told her that they needed to talk and that they should meet here. He had also read some more of the diary. Parts where Aaron would write down all these feelings, but he never said them out loud, leading him to bottle things up and just make everything worse.

The crunch of gravel made him turn his head, his knee stopped bouncing.

“Hey.” Emily said gently, holding her hands together in front of her.

“Hey.” Seb returned quietly, pointing down to the space on the bench next to him.

-

Robert was making lasagne, banning Aaron from getting in the way of him in the kitchen, so Aaron was sat on the sofa. His knee was also bouncing nervously, knowing what Seb was doing outside – hoping that it would all work out.

“I can hear your heartbeat from here, Aaron.” Robert said, facing towards the countertop where he was placing the lasagne sheets into the dish.

“What if it goes wrong?” Aaron admitted, turning to face the kitchen, “What if he ends up getting his heart broken again?”

Robert turned to face him, “Then we’ll help him through it. Be here for him when he needs it. That’s all we can do.”

Aaron smiled and nodded but still felt anxious as he nervously bit at his nails.

The door opened as they were about to sit down to eat. Robert shot a glance at Aaron who looked back him nervously, dropping his fork.

“Hey, Seb.” He called as the boy walked in, “Yours is still in the dish if you want it.”

He had a massive smile on his face, sending relief through them both.

“Yeah I just need to go to the loo.” Seb answered him, but quickly swiped a piece of garlic bread off the table in front of them. He pulled the photo out from behind him, keeping the diary hidden. He slid it across the table towards Aaron.

“Thanks, Dad.” He said quietly and Aaron nodded, reaching out to take the photo. He slid it off the table and stood up, connecting it to the fridge using a magnet. “We talked, and she told me she loved me too. I surprised her when i said it earlier, then I ran off so…” he laughed and ran a hand through his hair.

Aaron smiled and looked at Robert knowingly, who narrowed his eyes. “Well I’m glad you made up.” He told him with a smile.

“Me too.” Seb answered as he walked backwards to the stairs, holding the diary behind him. As he slowly walked up the stairs, he turned around and made eye contact with Aaron who smiled and winked, before turning his attention back to his dinner.

[the-shadow-of-atlantis]

All The Stars (Part 5)

Summary: Nova is trying to get use to Hogwarts

Tagging: @melyaliz @coffee-randomness @thespacebuns

Read Earlier Parts Here

Nova's first week at Hogwarts was interesting to say the least. On her first day Nova got to meet Adelines brother, Henry, who was starting his first year at Hogwarts. Nova herself never had any siblings so it was fun seeing them interact.

Henry was a giant ball of energy, curious of everything and ready for his first day. Adeline was a quiet thing, she seemed a bit nervous and always tried to keep a close eye on her brother. They always dropped him off at his classes first before they took off to their own. Nova couldn't help but notice though that Adelina seemed to take paths that were almost empty, and that Pam seemed to follow them from a distance. Curiousity got the better of Nova and after two days she decided to ask.

"Adeline would you mind showing me where the library is?" Nova asked as she grabbed one of her notebooks.

They hadn't really been assigned anything yet that required a trip to the library but Nova was itching to explore the castle. But she needed to test the waters first. Adeline seemed to share a glance with Pam from a distance but still she got up and joined Nova.

"Of course." She said as they made their way out.

Nova began drawing in her notebook as they walked slowly looking up so see what details she could scribble down for later.

"What are you drawing?" Adelina asked, trying to make sense of all the lines in the notebook.

"I'm trying to get a better layout of the castle. I hear Hogwarts is full of secrets and I want to try to find as many as I can." Nova said never looking up from her book.

"You're going to want to watch out for Filch then." Adeline said, shuddering. "He's mean and Mrs. Norris is unlike any cat I've ever seen."

Nova nodded she had heard about that pair and was waiting for her surprise to come in to see if she could get around them. Just then Nova frowned as she looked at her notes carefully, now was the time to ask.

"Adeline is there a reason you tend to take the passages least used?"

Adelina seemed stunned but she quickly shook her head and continued on her way.

"It's faster to get to certain places." Adeline casually said though Nova stared at her in disbelief.

"Even when there's hardly anyone roaming the halls after school hours?" Nova pressed.

Adeline seemed to contemplate her next words. Every now and again she would glance behind them. Finally she stopped and sat down near a statue. Nova decided to sit down on the floor, her legs crossed and her notebook closed so she could focus more on Adeline.

"I'm guessing that even though you grew up in the muggle world your father still taught you about the wizarding world." Adeline scoffed at her own comment. "Of course he did, you were homeschooled right."

Nova waited as Adeline took a deep breath.

"I didn't know anything about magic until they came to my house and delivered my letter. Suddenly all the weird things that would happen around my brother and I made sense. Suddenly I was in a world that wouldn't look at me as if I was a freak…" Adeline paused, her eyes focused on the ground.

"I was excited when I came to Hogwarts. The ministry person did a fantastic job on focusing on all the good things about this world, they failed to mention the bad. It wasn't till I got sorted into Slytherin and started my classes that I found out. All the other classes hate Slytherin because it's the house that produces the most dark wizards. Many Slytherins apparently joined Voldemort during the first war. So anyone who wasn't a slytherin avoided me or called me names. But then some of the slytherins specifically the pureblood slytherins started calling me a mudblood."

Nova's hand clenched at the word and tried her best to stay calm.

"So everyone either hates me for being a slytherin or for being a muggle. The bullying got so bad I decided to avoid people as much as possible. Pam figured it out however, she's tougher than I am. She fights back but she decided to put her focus on protecting me instead. Any other muggle born slytherins tend to stay to themselves not knowing who to trust."

Nova nodded taking in what she just learned. She herself had noticed that certain people tended to avoid her in the two days she had been here, particularly a certain hufflepuff.

"Is that why Pam is following us right now?" Nova asked a loud thud rang out in the hall and Pam peaked out rubbing her head.

"How did you know I was here?" She demanded.

"Like Adeline said, you follow her everywhere. It wasn't that hard to guess. How's your head?"

"Fine." Pam grumbled as she approached the two girls.

"I never understood the rivalry of the houses." Nova admitted. "Especially the hostility towards Slytherin. My father was a slytherin and he fought with the order, left his family too. You should be proud to be a slytherin and a muggle. Honestly purebloods should be the ones looked down on, I don't see what's so special about being inbreds."

Adeline let out a horrified gasp but Pam snickered and nodded her head in approval.

"Okay you seem good." Pam said through snickers.

Nova smiled at her new friends and together they began navigating the castle with Nova and Pam keeping an eye out for anyone who would dare mess with them. They also attempted to get close to any other muggle borns, but as Adeline had pointed out many had trust issues. Still Nova always made it clear was there for anyone though it seemed like it was just going to be her and the two girls.

Trying to get her professors to let her use muggle supplies ended up less of a hassle than she thought it would be. Professor Magonagall had been a little hesitant at first however she did like how Nova tended to color code her charts. But other than that almost every other teacher didn’t seem to mind and soon Nova noticed other muggle students using their own muggle supplies. However one teacher that seemed to keep putting up the most resistance was Professor Snape.

“I thought I said to take out parchment and quills not whatever this is.” Snape said looking over Novas supplies.

“Its the same principle.” Nova said showing him the tip of her fountain pen. She knew this one was going to be a tough one she had asked around about all the teachers.

Snape was also her head of house though she hardly ever saw him, he was rumored to always favor their house. Currently that didn't seem to be the case.

“The supply list calls for parchment and quills.” Snape said as if making this final.

“The notebook is a form of parchment and I am still using the correct ink in my pen.” Nova countered, a pair of red headed twins that were sitting across from her looked at them in amusement.

“Miss Vinci while you are in this class I suggest you follow all the rules and that applies to the adequate supplies for this school.” Snape said sternly.

Nova glared at Snape as she pulled out her wand, his eyes raised in disbelief but instead she tapped her pen and muttered a spell making the pen turn into a quill.

“Better?” Nova asked, finally Pam and the twins burst into laughter.

“5 points from Gryffindor.” Snape said through clenched teeth, making Nova look at him with wide eyes.

“You can't do that.” She protested, if anything he should be taking points away from their house.

“10 points then.” Snape hissed, oh so that’s how this was going to be, fine.

Nova stayed quiet as she tried to focus on her work. They had started working on a potion and Nova decided it was best to wear her safety gear. She slipped on her gloves and snapped her goggles into place. She knew people were staring at her but still she pressed on adding to her potion as instructed.

“What is all this?” Snape asked completely unamused by what she was wearing.

“Its called safety gear.” Nova said looking over her cauldron to make sure it was turning the right shade.

“And why are you wearing it?”

“The name clearly states its purpose.” Nova said looking up at him.

“Did I ask you to put anything on?” Snape asked and Nova could tell she was definitely testing his patience.

“Given the type of potion you are making us do I’m surprised you didn't.” Nova continued.

“Are you that far behind from being homeschooled that you fear your well being from your own work.” Snape remarked, oh so this is how he was going to be.

“On the contrary.” Nova said her eyes narrowing. “I know what to do, still accidents can happen. If anything I just doubt your healing abilities and though I can be taken to the hospital wing I would like to avoid excruciating pain in my eyes and hands.”

Snapes nostrils flared and again Pam and the twins snickered while Adeline stared at her horrified.

“Detention Weasley.” Snape snapped, making Nova's jaw drop.

She wanted to protest but she knew it was futile, she’d figure out a way around all this.

“Hey Vinci right?” One of the twins asked as they caught up to her.

“Yes?” Nova asked, noticing Pam tense, she put a hand on her arm to calm her.

“We were wondering.” The other continued.

“Our father he loves all this muggle stuff you think you could give us some things to send to him?” The first said, Nova tried to remember where she had heard the name Weasley before.

“Your father works for the ministry right?” Nova asked as she remembered her father speak of an Arthur Weasley would he be their father.

“Yes.” They both said, making Nova nod.

“I could tell my father to give him some of my old things. He works for the ministry too, and would probably be faster.” Nova said smiling politely at the two boys.

“Sounds great, Fred and George Weasley by the way.” Fred said, holding his hand out.

“Fred and George got it.” Nova said looking between the two as she shook his hand. “Sorry about the dentition.”

“Eh dont worry about it.” George said.

“Hasn’t been the first time.”

“Definitely won't be the last.”

“Still its not fair he’s just a bitter old git.” Nova mumbled. “He cant get away with it.”

“Sounds like you have an idea brewing.” George said smiling.

“Possibly.” Nova smiled back. “I’ll definitely let you know what I come up with.”

The twins were a fun lot, Nova began to notice them more when she would roam the halls with Pam and Adeline. Helping keep an eye out for each other whenever Filch was close. The twins were impressed that Nova was able to evade Mrs. Norris so easily until they realized she just dropped off cat treats in order to keep her busy. Nova gave them half of her supply after that.

However as the week continued and they began entering their weekend Nova kept noticing that a certain Hufflepuff was still ignoring her. The Slytherins shared a couple classes with the Hufflepuffs yet Cedric always seemed to sit as far away from her as possible. In the end the only other friend the girls had managed to make besides the Weasleys was Jaime, the Hufflepuff girl that rode in the train with Nova on her way to Hogwarts. Jaime a Hufflepuff through and through never spoke as to why Cedric avoided her so much but Nova had a pretty good idea.

She was finally able to confront him during the weekend. Adeline had insisted Pam needed to work on her homework since apparently Pam had a track record of always holding off till the last second to do her work. Nova had been caught up and figured it be easier to explore the castle if she was alone, as much as she enjoyed the two girls company she needed some time to herself.

Nova's map of the castle was far from complete and she took her time going down the halls as she sketched into her notebook. She looked up to double check where she was going when she saw him. He froze as he saw her and he seemed to be contemplating which way he should take off. Nova however shut her notebook shut rather harshly and approached him quickly.

"Cedric." She said fiercely as she stopped in front of him. "Is there a reason you are avoiding me?"

"I'm not avoiding you." He said though his expression said differently.

"Oh really?" Nova narrowed her eyes at him. He shifted uncomfortably under her gaze and finally broke.

“You’re a slytherin.” He said simply

“And you're a Hufflepuff so what?” Nova asked, crossing her arms.

“Do you have any idea how many dark wizards have come from slytherin house?” Cedric asked as if that would clear everything up.

“And what about the slytherins that aren’t dark wizards?” Nova countered. “What about the Slytherins that are muggle borns? The slytherins that grew up knowing noting about the Wizarding world until they came here? The slytherins that were suddenly turned down by those who were suppose to be accepting of them? And what about the Hufflepuff and Ravenclaw and Gryffindors who maybe weren’t as bad as death eaters but are still not good? I doubt all of you are saints too. And for the record your house doesn’t matter in the real world, you really think your job applications will ask what house you attended in Hogwarts? I really doubt my NASA one will.”

“You’re what?” Cedric suddenly asked, very confused cause he was sure he had never heard of that department before.

“National Aeronautics and Space Administration, it's the American muggle space program but that’s beside the point. The point is slytherin isn’t a bad house and not everyone is automatically a death eater or evil, hell not all of us are even bloody pure bloods. I thought Hufflepuff would be more accepting, guess that means you aren’t what your house says you are.” Nova huffed and turned away however she didn't feel as good as she though she would have after having that conversation.

“You know the more you stare at food the longer its going to stay there.” Pam said, breaking through Novas thoughts.

“Guess I’m not that hungry.” Nova grumbled still having been in a bad mood when she woke up the next day.

She had told the girls what had happened and though they had been a nice comfort Nova couldn’t here’ll but be a little homesick. Maybe she could ask her mother to send some cookies. She felt Pam stiffen beside her and looked up to see Cedric standing next to her.

“I figured maybe we need a restart. Hi I’m Cedric.” He said smiling softly at her and holding his hand out.

“I’m Nova.” She said, hesitantly shaking his hand. “These are my friend Pam and Adeline.”

Cedric smiled a little brighter and Nova felt her resolve slowly melt away, curse this Hufflepuff.

[saibh29]

She’s gone Girly (1/2)

Pairing: Tom Hiddleston x Reader

Warning: Maybe a little bit of swearing and some fluff

AN: Oh wow, it’s bit so long since I posted anything I’ve wrote. To start with I had a very clingy baby who bless her suffered badly feeding wise and then I was just so uninspired.  I’m trying to write again though and have started with this.  A little Hiddleston bit of fluff that I wrote for my sister, who as background is in the military and heavily pregnant at the moment herself and suffering greatly. She also has an unhealthy obsession with Loki and Tom himself.  So hope you enjoy.... 

******

“I’m a whale"

You half wailed as you spun slightly too fast and your new frontal centre of gravity over balanced you, sending you skipping forward a few steps into your brother Sam’s chest. He grabbed your upper arms to steady you before patting your head in that slightly comforting, slightly condescending way that brothers did to younger sisters.

“true" he said with a smile “for a good reason though"

“You aren’t meant to agree with me, ass" you whacked his arm as you stepped away from his body. “You’re meant to comfort me. Tell me I look radiant or whatever other crap people say to heavily pregnant women to make them feel better about this" at the word this you waved at your extended stomach.

“You’re radiant" Sam agreed as you narrowed your eyes at him. “not just radiant, practically glowing with maternal energy"

“if I could move fast enough you’d be in serious trouble right now for those words Samuel"

“but you can’t and stress isn’t good for the baby, remember what the doctors keep telling you Y/N, you need to rest, take it easy"

“I hate you"

“no" Sam reasoned giving in and wrapping an arm around your slumped forward shoulders “you hate being pregnant. Which I could have told you that you would months ago"

“I do" you agreed “I know I’m not meant to, that it’s meant to be glorious and everything a woman dreams off but Jesus it’s just making me miserable I just want it to be over already"

“what did Tom say?”

“He muttered something about hormones" Sam winced which made you smile. “exactly. He retreated fairly quickly after that one"

“surely it can’t be much longer till the sprog makes their arrival"

“sprog?”

“well you won’t tell me what it is so I had to improvise"

You might have carried on being annoyed at his nickname for your child but said child chose that moment to viciously kick your ribs and you decided that whatever insulting name Sam wanted to bestow on them was probably deserved.

“3 weeks" rubbing at the top of your belly you tried to press the baby further down from under your rib cage so you could breathe at least semi comfortably. “3 weeks until the due date at least"

“it could be longer though"

“not if it knows what’s good for it"

You suddenly yawned almost breaking your jaw in two with the force of it. You hadn’t slept much last night as the baby had decided 3am was a wonderful time to take up Irish dancing on your bladder. You had contemplated waking tom and making him read to you but he had had an early start this morning and you weren’t quite that cruel. So instead giving up on laying down you had waddled to the couch and watched back to back episodes of Ru Paul’s drag race as the sun crawled over the London skyline.

“hey" Sam nudged your chin shutting your mouth once more. “you can do 3 weeks Y/N. If you can handle months in an Afghan desert with no comforts or privacy, and training then you can deal with 3 more weeks of pregnancy"

“I know I can... I just don’t want to"

“you don’t want to?”

“No, no I don’t. Shit Sam I have to pee every 5 minutes, I can’t breathe, I’m constantly hungry and the baby thinks kicking me is an ongoing joke of legendary proportions. I’m tired but every time I lay down I just get stuck and this whole thing is just...” you had to stop talking because you had started crying and hiccupping along with your words. Sniffing like a sick toddler as your nose ran with your tears.

Sam looked both horrified and scared at the same time. You never cried, you never got emotional and you were never a girl. To be fair he was still semi in shock that you were having a child in the first place, that you’d actually been attracted to a male. After living in the desert with a platoon of soldiers he’d doubted that you would ever find the male species attractive again. So, to see you sobbing like a real girl was just a step to far into the abnormal.

“there there" he patted you uselessly on the back. “shit Y/N... don’t cry" when all you did was sniffle more he gave in once more and tried to hug you, although the baby bump kind of made it awkward. “look it’s going to be fine. You got this, if you can’t sleep laying down then sit up, if you’re hungry just bloody eat and... and well I don’t know what to do about the kicking or the peeing but hey, this is all going to be forgotten in 3 weeks when you have a baby. A real baby Y/N"

“I...I...”

“words sis, I need words to understand you"

“idiot" you managed to wrench the tears back under control and smacked his chest once more at the teasing. You even allowed yourself to be led to the sofa and helped to sit down.

“tea?”

“That shouldn’t even be a question"

Happier now there was something for him to be doing rather than trying to comfort you Sam left you sat there flicking through Netflix films as he went to pop the kettle on. Seeing you cry was just one step to far into weirdness. It didn’t happen.

Tom arrived back just as the kettle had boiled and Sam was stirring coffee into his cup and tea into his sister’s. He smiled at his brother in law who dumped his bag on the floor and came over.

“didn’t expect to see you here today”

“Y/N called... she’s...well…"

Tom sighed rubbing at his temples “Is she alright?”

Sam fidgeted slightly before it came bursting out “she cried! Y/N never cries, even when we were kids she never cried. God she’s practically gone full 100% female all of sudden"

“apart from the fact she was crying that sentence was almost amusing"

Sam sighed sliding the tea over to Tom. “you take it to her I can’t deal with anymore shocks from my sister right now. I have to meet Saul anyway we have plans that involve drinking things our sister currently can’t"

“you want to risk not saying bye to her? Brave man”

Sam just smirked “4 years with my sister and still you haven’t learnt that discretion is the better part of valour, it’s much easier with Y/N to simply apologise for what you’ve already done rather than ask permission for what you want to do."

He gave Tom a quick man hug before grabbing his coat and disappearing through the door.

Tom took the tea and the abandoned coffee Sam had made through to the living room where you were sat flicking through films on the sofa. Your face lit up in a way that made his heart soar when you saw it was him not Sam.

“I didn’t realise you’d be home so early"

“it finished early" that was a lie.

His recording hadn’t finished early but he’d been worried about you. He knew you hadn’t been sleeping and the pregnancy wasn’t easy for you.

His wife was possibly the worst pregnant woman ever, too used to being active and independent. At the beginning the morning sickness had made you suffer, you’d had a few weeks between the first and third trimester that hadn’t been so bad and then you’d started to get too big to be as active as you wanted to be. That was when the real misery had started. You only truly relaxed when he was around as well, even if you wouldn’t admit it. So, he had just wanted to be here for you.

Kissing the top of your head Tom sat beside you letting you take the tea off of him. “Sam ran, didn’t he?”

“something about a sister who had suddenly turned female, that and the lure of alcohol"

You managed to laugh at that leaning over so your head went to his shoulder. Tom wrapped his arm around you, fingers naturally resting on the baby bump.

“I cried" you admitted softly. “I’m not really sure why I cried maybe you were on to something with the hormone comment. That’s a good excuse, right?”

“I don’t think you need an excuse darling" he pushed you forward gently so his hands could move to your shoulders rubbing at the tension there. “You’re pregnant, quite literally growing another human. You can react how you’d like"

“that is the correct answer" you couldn’t help but groan in pleasure as his hands dug a little harder into your muscles. “god I am just so tired Tom. I wasn’t even this tired after a full 15-month tour of Afghan"

“Would you like me to read to you?”

Normally that suggestion would have your instant agreement. Tom reading anything to you, even the phonebook, in that deep voice would get you to agree to anything. Right now though. “not if it means you moving"

He chuckled to himself but still pulled you back to his chest so you were laying on him once more.

You wriggled a bit as the baby decided to kick hard, this time into your liver. Your hand going to the left side of your bump and pressing trying to get the baby to quit battering its mother.

“Darling?”

“Your child likes beating up its mother” you winced as one more kick collided with your already bruised organs. “Jesus, I swear people said this was meant to be a magical experience”

Tom allowed himself to smile, but only as he was fairly certain you couldn’t see his face. Moving your hand, he pulled your shirt up and put his own hand on the bare skin of your stomach gently rubbing. “Hello little one, if you could please stop kicking your mother that would be wonderful”

The baby kicked hard once more against Tom’s hand, he would never get tired of feeling that, but then he did accept the fact that he didn’t have to feel it constantly on varying organs.

“Shhh, calm down” he soothed hand continuing to trail lazily over your stomach. “Shall I tell you a story? But you have to stay still and let mum sleep. Deal?”

The baby didn’t kick and you couldn’t help but smile. “Quick speak” you hissed “and don’t you dare move your hands, this child only seems to listen to you”

Tom continued speaking in that soft low voice telling the baby some sort of story about his day and the animals he’d seen in the zoo while they’d been shooting. It was just as good as reading to you and without the pain of the baby’s foot in your ribs and with Tom’s voice just behind your ear you finally fell asleep.

*******

@diinofayce​ @hisatumb​ @golden-guide​ @just4muggles @hp-hogwartsexpress @morganlb23 @yet-another-lockup @theraputicwritings  @unevenpages  @littlepartofheaven  @this-is-bucky-barnes @cassandras-musings @callmebucky-doll @frostbyte-horan  @QueenDarkMuffin @justsomeboringperson @tomshollandz  @chameerah @itsbrxkenblxck @aya-fay @no-good-ideas @angelicshinigami @winterhalcyon @my-cloudy-blue-dream @vxidnik @stuckinthestarrysky @iwillalwaystrymyhardest @elizabeth-rose771 @weirddemiwood @frcgile-little-flcme  @scarletmeii @angelaiswriting @selldraug @angryares @thenovarose @georgiagrl1990

(If you no longer want to be tagged just let me know and I’ll take you off the list)

[tetsuskitten]

aren't we all just looking for a little bit of hope these days?

Katsuki is deeply exhausted but sometimes random strangers bring random acts of kindness.

read it on ao3

or keep reading bellow

He came up here sometimes. On days that wouldn't let up, when his bones hurt from the pressure he put on himself, when every intake of breath drove pangs of pain through his body. Nothing he did, no matter how much he distracted himself with even more work, helped. He put it down and went for the hidden pack of cigarettes he kept stashed on his bottom drawer. He didn't know why he bothered to hide them anymore, he lived alone after all. He took it out and grabbed a lighter, made his way towards the rooftop, the last floor. He watched unseeingly the numbers wracking up on the elevator screen. 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10. The elevator came to a halt with a small jolt and he pushed the door with nary a strength left. When he reached the spot he let himself take it in. He didn't come up often but he enjoyed the view at night. The lights that flickered from the buildings ahead, the football field, the disperse trees that stood tall and swayed in the wind. He didn’t feel like crying but wished he did, if only to let it out and feel lighter. Sometimes he masturbated to take the edge off. He’d been doing it frequently for a few weeks now. Always felt pent up no matter what he did. Sometimes he ran to forget himself until his head was pounding as voraciously as his heart, trying to beat out of him if only to make him stop running. Away? No. He didn’t run from things. Just needed a moment to hide sometimes, to forget who he was.

He’d done the forgetting yourself in others thing, he’d tried it years ago. But after ending up with the weight of hearts broken, hearts of others and guilt which was entirely his own, he gave it up. Knew there was a better solution. Was still trying to figure out the best one. Not failing at it exactly. Just not finding the right fit, only temporary solutions, temporary fixes like putting tiny bandaids on deep bleeding gashes.

As the rhythm of the beat thumped in his ears he swayed on time with it, the wind caressing his skin as he cupped a hand around the cigarette to light it. The first drag made him wince at the taste, pulling a face and blowing the smoke out quickly. He took another drag and let it settle heavy and deep in his lungs this time before setting it free into the cold hair of the night. It was a brisk May evening. Spring was blowing at full force but there were still grey days that loomed with the promise of cold showers. He never did mind the rain much anyway. There was a weird moment when he was contemplating how lonely this felt but how it was still satisfying, in a deep solitude sort of way, to be here. To still be here fighting the fight. He chanced a look at the sky and had to laugh when the clouds blew themselves into the shape of a rickety heart. He couldn’t help but feel important, to feel it was directed at him. To feel cosmically acknowledged. He’d take what he could get.

This, however, was not the most surprising part of the night. As he was lost in thought a neighbor walked by. He nodded, whispered a good night for the sake of politeness and went back to his thing, wondering if he should go back to the warmth of his bedroom because his hands were starting to hurt as he tried to move them. But his music kept blasting and his cigarettes weren’t even halfway gone. He still felt a led weight on his shoulders, muscles pulled taught enough to pain him. The smoke in his lungs caused a little light headedness but not as much as he wished it did, as when he first started doing it.

He didn’t notice right away, engrossed as he was in himself, when the neighbor who passed him by maybe ten minutes ago was standing next to him, extending a mug his way. He took one headphone out, confusion painting his features.

“It’s tea.” The other offered simply and took a sip of his own mug as if to show Katsuki it was okay to drink. He accepted the gesture, let his hands wrap around the warm frame of the cup and was delighted to take his first sip, relaxing into the taste. The other boy, about his age he guessed, didn’t utter another word. Katsuki didn’t either. They sat in silence for a long while. Katsuki’s headphones were still blasting music from where he let them drop onto the floor. The boy also brought a blanket which he gladly accepted once he finished his tea. They didn’t talk to each other, just sat there looking up at the clouds swirling around, cotton like density tangling itself in knots and letting go just as easily. The moon made no appearances that night and stars didn’t exist inside the city, just bright colorful lights anywhere you looked. It was still pretty, but artificially so. Katsuki didn’t know when he had fallen asleep. Or when the other boy had fallen asleep. A quick check told him it was almost four am when the scathing weather forced him into wakefulness. He still felt tired.

“Hey.” He whispered, so softly his voice almost broke. The other woke and blinked sleep out of his eyes as he looked at Katsuki, dazed from sleep.

“Thank you for the tea.”

The other nodded.

“I’m Katsuki.”

“I’m Shouto.”

Katsuki nodded.

“It was nice to meet you, Shouto.”

Katsuki offered a weak, yet sincere smile. He received one back.

“It was nice to meet you too.”

[its-r-i-d-i-c-u-l-o-u-s]

Right Side of Wrong- Ch 4: Pleasant Goodbyes and Warm Welcomes

Words: 2845

Warnings: panic attacks, gang activity, anger and recklessness

A/N: I almost forgot to post this today... whoops! But anyway, I just wanted to warn you that this is the first time you guys are going to see a POV change in this story. It will happen a few times, so hopefully you can distinguish pretty easily between them.

Ch 3 | Ch 5

~ ~ ~

I ran straight for the dorm rooms. I didn’t know where else to go. Only one thought was running through my head: I cracked.

I couldn’t keep it together. Couldn’t handle the pressures of being an Auradon girl… That was it.

I didn’t breathe for the next hour. I couldn’t. I could barely hiccup between sobs.

Lucky enough, Evie wasn’t in the room when I got back. There was no way to hide from her in this state, and for some reason… I still didn’t want her to know how upset I was. Maybe it was because I was sure she would be able to convince me to stay. And then I would end up in the same cycle again, wishing desperately to get away until I broke under all the pressure.

I threw on some pants and a plain tshirt. It wasn’t very Isle-like, but I just needed to get onto the Isle undetected. After that, I would find something more suitable.

I packed up my bag with a few belongings and sat down with a pen and paper.

I debated who to write the letter to. There were some things that I needed all of them to know before I left. So, I figured, since Evie would be the first one to find it, I’d address it to her.

My writing was a scribbled mess, difficult to read even if I hadn’t been crying. But I was able to get it all down on paper. I tried to tell myself that I was doing this for their good. They could all be so much happier. Ben especially…

My eyes slid down to the ring he had given me. I hadn’t even taken it off since the whole fiasco with my mother. But I couldn’t take it with me, no matter how much I wanted to. It wasn’t mine anymore. I was giving Ben up and along with him went everything else.

It took me a few minutes to put it down, rolling it between my fingers. It was gorgeous, something so meaningful to our relationship that I never thought I’d be parted from it. But I couldn’t waste time sitting here and pondering on a life where I could always wear this ring. That world was long lost.

As I stood and grabbed my stuff, the coat rack to the right of the door caught my attention again.

My old jacket still hadn’t moved, the dragons sitting comfortably.

It burned that my mother had control over all of my old stuff, including this dumb jacket. If I stepped on the Isle wearing that, I would practically be waving a giant flag that said, “MALEFICENT’S BACK”.

In my anger and my desire to wear something familiar back to my hometown, I threw the bag to the floor and grabbed the leather article once more. It had a faintly smoky set to it, something which helped clear my mind from the emotional afternoon. I laid it out across Evie’s work table and grabbed some thread cutters.

It wasn’t the best job I could have done. Threads hung down the back of the jacket and pieces of the dragon patch were torn as I ripped it off, but it felt so good.

I pulled the jacket over my arms and zipped it to the top.

Clearing the last of my sadness and worries from my eyes, I picked up the discarded bag and my motorcycle keys and left the room without so much as a look behind me.

~ ~ ~

Ben buried himself into his work. He was shaken from his argument with Mal earlier.

He shouldn’t have freaked out on her, but he couldn’t stop himself. He had done his best to be there for her for the past year, and she had been lying to him. She had been lying about using magic. Lying about doing her best. Lying about getting better…

Why hadn’t she told him? If she was really upset, why didn’t she just talk to him? He had made it clear that he would always support her, hadn’t he?

“Deborah?” he called.

“Yes, Your Majesty?” she responded from the other side of the bluetooth.

“Can you ask Lumiere to call me regarding Cotillion?”

“Yes, sir.”

“Thank you.” He hung up and began to look over some paperwork from earlier that day, when he heard a soft knocking at the door.

“Ben?” Evie asked.

“Evie! Come on in!” he told her.

He took out his earpiece and stood up to greet her, but was met with an unexpected sight.

She spun around, shutting the door as fast as possible. When she turned to look at him, she had tear streaks running down her face. She scanned the room for others.

“What’s wrong?” He dodged around his desk to rush up to his friend. “Do you want to sit down, or…?”

She shook her head, tilting her face back, as if that would make her reabsorb the tears. “No, Ben. It’s just… Um, Mal…” She was breathing heavily.

“What about Mal?” he demanded, getting more concerned by the minute. “Is she okay?”

“She’s gone back to the Isle.”

He opened his mouth to speak, but the words knotted themselves in his throat. She went to the Isle? But… why?

Evie slowly forced a piece of paper into his hands. He glanced between her and the object she had just given him a couple times before realizing that he needed to read what’s inside.

Dear Evie, it read. I’m so sorry. I’m sorry to you, Jay, and Carlos, that I ever got you caught up in my mess. I know what my life and my mother have done to you three. The Isle was bad enough, but being tied into Maleficent in any degree meant you were doomed from the start and I was the tie that held you three there. I only hope the place has changed. Because, by the time you read this… that’s where I’ll be.--

“Ben,” Evie whispered, interrupting his reading. Holding up her hand, she presented him with another object. The class ring he had given Mal.

His hand shook as he reached for it. It was cold in his palm. She had taken it off a few hours ago. Most likely, right after their fight.

--Tell Ben that I’m sorry too. I’ve had him caught up in this lie that I was his dream girl for too long, and I’m not. He’ll find someone perfect for him. I know he will. But he is a king and I am a monster.

“This is my fault,” he breathed out. “This is my fault! I-I blew it.”

“Ben-” Evie’s voice cracked as she spoke, too heartbroken to be able to comfort him.

“She’d been under so much pressure lately, and instead of being understanding, I just went all Beast on her.”

“Ben, had she talked to you about this?” Evie questioned.

His heart felt like it would shrivel up in his chest. What was he supposed to do? He needed Mal. “We got in a fight. It was stupid, but I found out she had been lying to me about using magic and I was just so… upset. And I-”

“I look at this,” Evie interrupted, pointing at the note that Ben had crumpled up his hand, “and all I can think is, how did I miss this? She had been sending out signs all the time to me, and I-” Her voice broke off with a sob. “And I told her not to talk about it. I mean… how selfish can I be?”

“No, Evie. I’m the one who sent her over the edge today. This is on me… I have to go there and apologize,” he realized. “I have to go there and- and beg her to come back!”

“Ben, you’ll never find her-” He tried to argue with her, but Evie wouldn’t let up. “The Isle is huge. Maybe not compared to Auradon, but it is set up specifically to be confusing and ugly and… you have to take me with you.”

His neck could have snapped with the force he used to look at her. “Are-Are you sure?”

She nodded, although her face wasn’t exactly screaming yes. “She’s my best friend.”

It took both of them a minute to settle in and come to terms with what they planned to do. But the minute Evie was certain that she was going, she was making plans.

“I haven’t talked to either of the boys about this, yet,” she explained. “I can only hope they’ll agree to come with us, because there’s safety in numbers and none of us are… too popular over there right now.”

“Thank you.”

“But let’s get two things straight. The first being, I’m not going to force the boys, or anyone for that matter, to come with us. And neither are you. That place is an actual hell and I do not blame a single one of them for avoiding it. We have to be prepared to do this alone.”

Ben nodded quickly. He was more than happy to hear her demands if it meant a better chance of getting Mal back.

“And you have to promise me I… we won’t get stuck there again.”

It broke Ben’s heart to hear that. Those poor kids. They had lived an unspeakable life, one that he and the other students could never comprehend. And for so long, no one had even spared a thought for them.

“I promise,” he told her, with his deepest sincerity.

She huffed. “Good. I’m going to tell the boys… do you want to keep the note for now?”

Ben looked down. The paper had become so squished in his hand that a section or two had ripped around the ring, which was sitting in the center of his palm.

“Yes,” he responded, softly.

Evie gave him a look of support, then left so that he could process alone.

~ ~ ~

Nobody saw anything on the Isle. It was almost comforting to be back in a place where I wasn’t under constant observation. But… it was weird. Because I could walk down a busy street and still feel utterly alone. I was utterly alone.

I knew what I would be giving up when I left Auradon. Or at least, I thought I did.

After I had parked my bike outside my old apartment and dropped off my stuff, I went wandering. There were a couple of things that needed to happen before I started making it known that I was back.

I pulled around a tight corner and found myself in front of Lady Tremaine’s Curl Up and Dye.

I groaned, seeing the large “Closed Until MIDNIGHT” sign on the door. I had completely forgotten. I contemplated coming back later, but something came over me. If I could somehow avoid Tremaine, I wouldn’t have to deal with any crowd inside which would be great, but there could only be one other person inside…

Dizzy’s music was muffled in her headphones, but still loud enough that I could hear it from the doorway.

The shop looked as it always had. Steaming vats of colorful chemicals lined the walls. All highly toxic, but on the Isle, that was the least of your worries.  There were dried splatters of paint and dye on the walls, floor, and chairs. Vibrant wigs hung in front of windows and all the mirrors were shattered.

Dizzy danced along to the cute dance-pop song she was listening to and swept up small segments of hair on the floor.

I paused, watching the preteen lost in the blissful peace. It didn’t take her long, though to turn my direction and freeze.

“Mal!” she shrieked, pulling off her headphones. “Is Evie back, too?”

It hurt my heart to tell her no. Dizzy had been looking up to Evie since E first came into Lady Tremaine’s when she was 12. They were both made of the same creative mold, just slightly different talents between them.

Dizzy’s face dropped and I could start to feel the tension rising in the silence.

“I, um, forgot that you guys don’t open until midnight.”

She nodded, looking sort of solemnly at the floor. “Uh, Mal? What are you doing back here?”

I shrugged, wandering a bit. “Turns out princess life… not for me.”

“Well, that’s… I don’t know how the others are going to take that.”

“I know, I know. Everyone hates me because I ruined the chance to break the barrier and killed the Mistress of All Evil,” I grumbled. “But hey! Hate can be a temporary state of mind. What are things like now that my mother isn’t in charge?”

Dizzy bit down on her lip. “Okay? There’s still… bad stuff.”

“There will always be bad stuff,” I noted, glumly.

“Yeah. There isn’t really a set ruler. Just some big gangs who are dominating different sections of the Isle.”

I quirked an eyebrow and she went on.

“The Evil Queen has got the north. She broke away the minute she heard that Maleficent was dead and began gaining territory. A lot of your mom’s goons work for her now. I think Jafar followed her up there as well, but no one’s heard from Cruella since that day. There’s a rumor that she’s dead, but I doubt it. If someone had killed her, they’d be using that to their advantage. Shan Yu has a bit of a following, but not enough conquer any territory for himself. And the pirate’s around the bridge… they all belong to Uma.”

“Uma?” I wrinkled my nose. I hadn’t heard her name in a long, long time.

Uma was the daughter of Ursula, a “once was” sort of villain around these parts. When my mother was choosing her following, she sort of tossed Ursula aside as pointless. And the minute I realized we didn’t need her mother’s favor, I dropped Uma like a hot potato.

It wasn’t anything against the girl. In some ways, I was glad that she was one less person my mother could torment. But oh boy was that hard for her to hear.

There was a time when half the Isle would call her Shrimpy, a nickname I had used when telling her that she couldn’t be a part of my gang. Her and her mother were suddenly at the bottom of the island food chain. Her mom opened a restaurant which she worked in for years, doing dishes and serving passing pirates.

She made it clear to me that she would get her revenge on me someday. I was never much afraid of her, seeing as I was backed by some of the strongest people on the Isle, but Uma was strong. I could see that she was far more of a leader than I was. So, I didn’t push her too far.

Then, about two and a half years ago, she sort of fell off my map. The most I heard of her was from Harry Hook or Gil, Gaston’s son, because they were often her little lackey boys.

She stopped leaving the edge of the barrier. She seemingly stopped plotting any sort of revenge on me. And now she was back, over two years later, with a whole gang under her control.

“Figures,” I muttered under my breath. “So, what is your deal? Has your grandmother given you any customers yet?”

She shrugged, glad to drop the topic. “Ah, just a witch here and there. Mostly it’s a lot of scrubbing and scouring and sweeping. Lots and lots of sweeping,” she prompted, waving her broom back and forth.

“Sounds like the old Cinderella treatment, eh?” I joked.

“Yeah. She’s gone from Wicked Stepmother to Wicked Grandmother.”

Dizzy glanced at the ceiling, as if afraid Lady Tremaine would hear her. It brought me back to a time where I was living on my toes like that. Never saying anything bad about my mother, because she had ears everywhere.

“That’s not really much of a switch,” I said, solemnly. “Hey, Dizzy, you used to do Evie, right?”

“Yeah,” she responded excitedly. “I thought of the little braids.”

“You have any ideas for me?” I raised an eyebrow, as if taunting her to try and think something up.

Her eyes narrowed, tilting her head to get a look from different angles. Then, she stepped forward, confidence reading on her face.

“The washed-out blonde with purple tips? The best of no worlds. You can’t see where your face ends and your hair begins!”

I chuckled. I could see why Evie liked the girl. I thought that Evie was just there for the attention, but so far, Dizzy had just been hitting me with the cold, hard truth. She was five feet of glitter and business.

She pulled me into one of the chairs and looked me over. “Hm. How far can I go?”

I clicked my tongue. “The works? I mean, whatever makes me feel like me, but, you know… way worse.”

“Yay!” she squealed and ran to get her stuff.