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clairecrive · 3 years ago

Note

Hi could we please get a really angsty fic with nikolai (with a happy ending pls) where reader and he has had a fight so they maintain the facade on the outside bc they're royals but in private it's just ignoring each other/angst?

Young Royals

A/N: ahh, this is angsty alright but it seems I'm only capable of writing hurt/comfort lately. This took a life of its own and it's long af but I hope you like it anyway x

Warnings: miscommunication, angst, fighting, hurt/comfort, Nikolai is a bit absent, you're a bit jealous of his relationship with Zoya

Tags: @jupiterandbutterflies, @agentsofsheilds , @for-bebbanburg , @randomoutsiders , @pansysgirlfriend , @hannaxmaria , @vintagebitc , @story-scribbler , @crowssixof , @odetostep,@lizzie-he4rts, @korol-lantsov, @subjecta13-thefangirl, @gallysonegoodlung, @a-c-lee, @mriddlemethis, @carnationworld,@thanossexual, @luvxginger, @sanna2020,@partiesandblurrypolaroids, @edithsvoice, @wafflesandschemingfaces (tag list form)

SHADOW AND BONE MASTERLIST

"Do not put words into my mouth, Nikolai."

"Please, you already have so many, my love," he scoffed and the use of the term of endearment hurt the most.

"You're making me sound like a brat while I'm providing you with a viable solution," you insisted with a flare of your hands, frustrated by his unwillingness to listen to you.

"No, you're not. What you're doing is being childish."

"I'm your queen, Nikolai. I'm only asking to be more involved."

"You're my wife, y/n, and you know nothing about politics or running a country." He retired, putting emphasis on wife. This felt a lot like being put into place. And the fact that it was your husband doing so, hurt. It was also the most you had seen him this week.

"Neither did Zoya, nor Genya or anyone who's currently running the country."

"That's different and you know it."

"Only because you're making it so," you exclaimed finally exploding. His despondency got on your nerves and this conversation was going nowhere anyway.

Surprised by your raise of voice, Nikolai stood before you just blinking at you.

Sighing, you took a step toward him, holding your hands up, "look, you're right, I don't know about running a country but teach me. I'm not stupid, I'll pick it up."

"Why are you insisting so much? You've never shown any interest in politics before." He gave you a puzzled look like he didn't really believe your intentions.

"I've never wanted to be queen before." before meeting you.

"Ah, I see," he chuckled mirthlessly, "I put you in this situation and now you're taking your revenge."

To insinuate that your marriage with him was you "being put into a situation" rather than a consensual decision you had made out of love was absurd.

Nikolai was right. You had never cared about politics or diplomacy before meeting him. You were a soldier. There was no reason for you to meddle with something that didn't concern you.

But now you were queen and you felt a responsibility towards your people. You wanted to help but so far, Nikolai hadn't allowed you to take part in any meetings. He said that anyone who needed to be there was already involved. What he didn't tell you was that while Grisha made excellent soldiers and even good councillors, one of them being a royal was a very different matter.

He had indulged his love for you by marrying you. You were his vice and he simply couldn't accept the idea of being without you anymore. He had married you, consequently making you queen, going against what his advisors told him.

While he ignored his warnings he was painfully aware, however, how difficult it was going to be for a Grisha on the throne. It was the first time something liked this had ever happened and unfortunately, the country was filled with people who resented Grisha for their powers.

Nikolai feared that the people were never going to accept you. Hence why he'd been keeping you secluded in the palace.

To be fair, you were doing a wonderful job. Like he had pointed out, you were not accustomed to politics but you made up for that with empathy and kindness. You started to interest yourself with the problem of poverty and lack of provisions for some parts of the country.

And while no one was aware of it, Nikolai often turned to you for military strategy. You were an apt soldier and had fought bravely alongside him and everyone else in the battle of the Fold. You were the very reason why he was still alive, to be honest.

While this arrangement worked for the first months of your reign, it was starting to feel an inadequate effort. You needed to do more, you wanted to do more. You didn't expect Nikolai to oppose it so vehemently.

"If I didn't want to be here I wouldn't be, Nikolai, you'd do well to remember it," you pointed out coldly, straightening your spine.

"Since you seem so adverse at spending time with me or including me in important matters, I'll find someone else who will." And with that, chin held high, you walked out of the room.

You missed him. It felt absurd to say this but you missed your husband. He was always busy with meetings or official visits to some noble across the country. For most of them, he went alone or with Zoya.

You knew that she was his first in command but you couldn't help but be bothered by it. It was one thing to accept the fact that he hadn't given the role to you "because the queen cannot have that role as well", it was a whole other thing to accept the fact that another woman spent more time with your husband than you did.

Countless were the fights you had with him in this regard. But they were pointless. Nikolai was still set on not bringing you and he and Zoya were always found together.

You didn't know what hurt more. The blow at your pride for being denied a position you deserved because of who you loved, the jealousy or being punished for your identity.

One thing was sure though, it was getting too much. At first, you pulled thought for Nikolai but now that you didn't have him anymore, your efforts seemed to be in vain.

So, like you had told Nikolai, you looked for someone who was willing to teach you. You wanted to help and if Nikolai wasn't going to let you here at the palace, then you'd find somewhere else.

Count Kirigin had always been nice to you and he was a very generous host. You knew that he played a central role in Nikolai's plan so you thought that there was no one better than him.

You reached out to him, wrote him a letter in which you showed interest in his activity and asked him if he was willing to show you. Of course, anything that came from the queen or the king couldn't be denied but you knew that the Count truly enjoyed your company. If your position didn't put so much higher than everybody else, you'd even consider him a friend.

You waited for his reply before putting in motion the preparations for your departure.

In the meantime, you and Nikolai kept conducting your separate lives. Usually, you'd only see him at night when he returned to your chambers if you were still up. Now, you had decided to sleep in separate rooms too.

If he wanted a wife, then a wife he'd get. But kings and queens do not sleep together.

If the new arrangement was bothering him, you didn't know. He hadn't reached out to you nor made any move to rectify your decision.

Turns out that he wasn't even at the Palace. He had left for a mission near the border with Shu Han and wouldn't be back for at least a week. Well, then. Of course, he didn't even bother with telling you. Not even a small note.

Jokes on him though, you thought, since when he was going to come back, he'd finally get what he wanted. You weren't going to be there to bother him anymore.

Differently from him though, you did indeed left him a note. Nikolai found it a week after you had set it on his pillow. Its presence made him furrow his eyebrows since he had already been wondering where you were. You usually came out to meet him at the gates whenever he'd come back from a mission and even though you had fought before he went away, you weren't one for holding grudges. So e guessed there was something holding you.

Unfolding the paper he was met with your familiar chaotic writing.

"I don't know when you're going to find this letter but if I'm not there yet it means that I'm still at Count Kirigin's. Do not bother with writing or visiting, I'll come back when my business with him is done.

Y/n"

What in the name of every sweet loving saint???

The letter wasn't dated, no dear, no yours no nothing. Fuck. You were still mad or worse, hurt.

Asking one of the servants, he learned that you had been away for a week already. But what business could you possibly have with the Count??

Nikolai had nothing against him. Seeing Kirigin get all flustered as he tried to flirt with Zoya amused him to no end but the idea of him and you in the same house? Alone?? Unacceptable.

Not even bothering to change clothes after his long journey, Nikolai headed to the stables to ask for a well-rested horse. Luckily, Count Kirigin's estate was not too far away. A couple of hours ride.

Turns out that the Count had a lot to teach. Despite his aloof reputation and extravagant clothes, he was very observant. He lacked ambition, which was why Nikolai trusted him and had a curious way of behaving in social situations.

But Emil had been born and raised in high society. He knew how things were run even if he had no desire to be in charge of them.

So far, you'd be having a wonderful time. Emil was a wonderful host, as you remembered, but without Nikolai's presence, he was even more extravagant. He had an unexpectedly dry sense of humour and a never-ending list of jokes.

Being in the open and in the company of someone who saw y/n instead of the Queen of Ravka proved to be even more needed than you thought. You felt reinvigorated and much lighter than you'd ever been.

You had also been learning a lot. Emil had been teaching you about diplomacy. About the best ways of formulating a sentence so that you wouldn't offend anyone but still get what you wanted. He had also been talking to you about your husband's ministers. About their weaknesses and vices and what was the best way to approach them to get what you wanted.

So far, it was proving to be a wonderful decision to come here.

Whenever your mind strayed on Nikolai, you willed it to focus on something else. You didn't know if he had already come home or seen the letter. A part of you thought that if he had, he would at least write one back. But the thought felt a lot like hope and seeing as how little he saw you even before you left, you didn't think it safe to harbour it.

When Nikolai reached the estate, he was met with Kirigin's servants. They welcomed him inside and profusely apologised for the Count's absence. They told him that at this time of the day, Kirigin and his guest would usually go out on a ride but that they were also about to return.

So Nikolai waited, sitting in the most comfortable chair the Count owned, fuming at the thought that his wife had felt the need to go away and be in the company of another man.

"If I didn't want to be here, I wouldn't be Nikolai. You'd do well to remember it."

Your words haunted him. They were the last thing that you told him. How stupid had he been to let you walk away. How utterly careless of him to disregard you like that.

He had promised himself to truly talk to you about it once this pressing matter of state was taken care of. Apparently, he had waited too long.

But Nikolai knew that the problem was at the source. He noticed how hurt you had been when he made Zoya his first in command. Or how sad you seemed everywhere he went somewhere with her and didn't ask you to join.

He was doing so to protect you from the inevitable slander you'd be met with. He should have known though that putting you aside was going to be even worse. You were a fighter just as much as Zoya was, if not stronger.

She hid behind her veil of indifference and superiority while you had never lost that emphatic verve that made everyone love you so much. In his attempt to make you safe, he had only managed to hurt you.

You were a warrior. You had accepted the role of queen only because it was the only way for you to be with Nikolai. And instead of praising you by making you a warrior queen, he had decided to hide you away.

Well, no more.

If his mistakes had not ruined everything already, he was going to make everything better.

Lost in his musing, he didn't hear the sound of hooves approaching but he did indeed hear your laugh. It immediately brought him back to the present and a wave of ugly jealousy hit him.

He couldn't remember the last time he made you laugh.

"I shouldn't even laugh Emil, the joke was terrible," Nikolai hear you giggling from somewhere in the hall. So now he was Emil, huh.

"You know you can't resist my charm, your highness," Emil replied and Nikolai had to call on every bit of his self-control to not barge out of the room and punch him.

"Stop it, you know you can call me y/n."

Before Emil could reply, they had both made it to the sitting room where Nikolai was waiting for them. It looked like no one had warned them of his presence because Kirigin looked surprised then utterly mortified.

"Your majesty, I wasn't aware you were here. Please forgive me for making you wait."

"Don't fret Kirigin, it was an impromptu visit. I came to see how my lovely wife was doing." No matter how green he was feeling right now, he knew that Kirigin was loyal to him and the crown. Whatever was happening here wasn't one of his schemes.

"Of course! I'm going to send for some tea while you two get reunited." Kirigin quickly bowed before hurrying out of the room.

Nikolai met your eyes for the first time since you had arrived. If at first, you were surprised to see him, now you couldn't help but be a bit sceptical about this visit.

"What are you doing here?" you asked breaking the ice.

"You leave with only a few lines on where you're going and you expect me to just accept it?" He scoffed, his hands curling on the armrests of the chair.

"It's more than what you gave me," you quipped, crossing your arms on your chest.

Nikolai sighed while his gloved hands run through his hair. You were right and he knew it. He had been a horrible husband lately.

"I know you're mad at me, honey, but listen-"

"I'm not mad. You didn't want to give me what I wanted so I went looking for it somewhere else." Scrolling your shoulders, you interrupted him without meeting his eyes. A list of excuses was not what you wanted nor what you needed from him.

Nikolai didn't miss the innuendo. His jaw clenched, his hands closed in fists. But he willed himself to stay calm.

"You think Kirigin can give you something that I can't?" Nikolai was a master in diplomacy. Never did he get frustrated or angry or raised his voice, even with the most aggravating people. Here though, with you, he didn't have to keep a façade. He spoke through his teeth barely containing his anger.

"Well, so far, he's been giving me attention and interesting pointers that no, Nikolai, you refused to give me."

"So this is how you solve your problems? Running away in the countryside with Emil?" Nikolai sneered, his tone souring around Kirigin's name.

"Don't you do the same with your precious first in command?" Tired after your ride with Emil, you plopped down on the chair in front of Nikolai's. Completely ignoring his tone, you pointed out calmly. The perfect image of aloofness even when it was the last thing you were in this moment.

"That's different," he snapped trying to meet your eyes that were carefully analyzing your hands.

"Yes," you signed, "it seems that when I'm concerned everything is different."

"There's nothing between me and Zoya, y/n and you know it." Nikolai was getting more frustrated by the second. He came here to apologize, to make things right and so far, the conversation was going in the opposite directions.

"Maybe now, but you spend more time with her than you do with me. It's only a matter of time before it happens and you're sorely mistaken if you think I'll just stand by and watch."

"This is not about Zoya," he insisted but so far, he wasn't getting the reaction out of you he wanted. You seemed... resigned at the situation. And that worried Nikolai to no end.

"It never is."

"Why did you run away?" Opting for a more direct approach, he bit the bullet and went straight to the point.

"I did not run away," you scoffed in contempt at his choice of words, "I told you I wanted to do more and Emil is teaching me. Not everyone is so against spending time with me, you know." You shot him a glance.

It was the first time that you had looked at him since you had been left alone.

"I married you, y/n. How can you possibly believe I don't want to spend time with you?" As desperation slipped through his words, Nikolai leaned towards you in his seat. As if he couldn't bear the distance between you anymore. But you knew it wasn't that. You and he had been distant for months now.

"Because that's what's happening, Nikolai," you clipped back and Nikolai had to refrain from wincing at your tone.

"It's not intentional, my love, I've just been busy." His tone softened. It was a poor excuse of an apology but it was sadly the truth.

"But when I say that I want to join or help you with it you strongly oppose?" Again, there was that suspicious implication in your words that Nikolai just couldn't stand. To think that you believed he'd ever cheat on you with another woman when he had done so much, taken so many risks, to be with you.

"It's not what you think, y/n." He insisted again but immediately realized he had said the wrong thing when he saw you leaning back into your chair shaking your head.

"I don't think anything, anymore. Do whatever you want. You do your thing and I'll do mine. I won't be a bother to you anymore." Holding up your hands, you gestured as you spoke.

A beat. Nikolai froze in his seat at what you were suggesting.

"You're never a bother to me. Never." He leaned even forwards in his chair, basically only propping on it now. The desperation was now clear in his voice. He reached out to you to try and take hold of your hands but you were too distant.

"I love you more than anything in this world and if you think that I'm going to let you go without a fight, you're sorely mistaken." The steel determination of his words caught you off guard. Nikolai was strong-headed, you knew that better than anyone else, but it had been a long while since that determination had been directed to you.

"You already did." It was barely a whisper. The sad truth about your reality, the downfall of your relationship. The wavering of your voice, the pain in your eyes were enough to tip Nikolai off the edge.

"Milaya, please."He fell onto his knees in front of you. Leaning forward he reached for your hands that he could now hold. "I'm sorry. I put you in a difficult position when I married you and I tried my best to protect you."

"I don't need protecting, Nikolai, especially if it's by pushing me away."

"I was keeping you away from danger and I know that you're strong and capable but I hate to think of you as the object of public slander." His eyes darted between yours, frantic, desperate to make you understand.

"I'm Grisha, Nikolai. It's nothing new to me," you pointed out but then it hit you.

"By difficult position, you meant a Grisha Queen, didn't you?" Your eyes hardened at the implications, your hands going slack in his hold. You would have pulled them away if Nikolai didn't tighten his hold.

"Please, do not think I'm regretting my choice or I think you're not worthy of the title because that's not true." Pulling your hands, he tried to get you closer to him. "I fear that there will be repercussions among the people." And there it was, at last, the truth.

"And among your ministers," you added remembering Emil's lessons on the people at court and their role.

You scoffed when he stayed silent. "Why didn't you tell me?"

"I thought I was doing the right thing, my love."

"So Zoya can handle it and I can't?"

"For the millionth time," he groaned, "I don't care about Zoya."

"I only care about you and I know you can handle it. I just didn't want you to. You deserve happiness and peaceful life and I know it's impossible to have in this saints' forsaken country but I can at least try." His eyes lowered in shame and his confession sent a pang through your heart. You took a moment to take in what he said.

Never had you thought about the possibility of Nikolai's distance was a form of protection. You were a soldier of the Second Army, after all. But being a queen, especially a Grisha one, was a delicate thing.

It was the first time in history that something like this happened. Nikolai's worries were not unfounded since even after the destruction of the Fold, anti-Grisha movements were spreading fast.

It was sad to see the General's attempt of assuring safety for Grisha, provoking exactly the opposite thing.

"Oh, Kolya," returning his grip, you leaned towards him, "I just want a life with you by my side."

"As do I. I want you always and forever but above all, I want you safe. There's nothing I wouldn't do for you, you know it right?"

"I just ask that you tell me the truth and let me play the role I've been given."

"It's not going to be easy. People at court-"

"I know. That's why I'm here. Emil's been teaching."

"Well, no more. I'm going to take care of it from now on."

"Is this a promise or a threat?"

"Rest assured my love, the difference between the two is almost nonexistent." He flashed you a smirk and you couldn't help but smile at him. Here it was, your beloved Nikolai.

"Things are going to change, aren't they?" you murmured softly as he gently rested his forehead against yours.

"We're going to show everyone what a "power couple" is." Here was his promise. Sealed with the gentlest nudging of his nose to yours. The action made you smile and your heart soar. You missed these little moments of intimacy with him.

One of his hands came to cradle your face as the other kept hold of your left hand. Your rings softly clicked as they touched. A form of reassurance.

"I love you, y/n."

"And I you, Kolya."

You were completely lost in your little bubble, even more so when Nikolai's lips finally met yours, that you had forgotten where you were. And that there was an embarrassed Kirigin outside the door waiting for the right moment to come in with tea.

#nikolai lanstov #nikolai lanstov x reader #nikolai lanstov x you #nikolai lanstov angst #nikolai lanstov fic #nikolai lanstov imagine #nikolai lanstov imagines #nikolai lanstov one shot #nikolai lanstov fluff #grishaverse #shadow and bone

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rw47vr-key · 2 years ago

Text

ONESHOT Contains Duskwood Ep10 spoiler!!⚠️

☆Snippet: "You've been stabbing yourself, MC" "*desperate chuckle*That's my line, Richy. When are you gonna realise? "

☆Genre:Angst, fluff, love, enemies to friends ☆Characters: JakexFem!MCx Richy ☆Warnings: Mention of blood, depression, swearing,weapons, intimate(?) (No no it's not what you think.I swear,yet I'm leaving a warning just in case, also Feel free to tell me if I forgot to mention something here) ☆A/N: Before diving in, @spookycolorpeanut a huge thank you for supporting me dear!! <3 I would have cremated this in my drafts if it weren't you :P.Also the post here of @renneiscent is basically the plot I wrote, Thanks a lot to you too,dear!! <3 I know this fic went illogical.My writing skill is 0% and so is my confidence, but here I am. The story is set with 3 different timelines,I'm sorry that it may confuse.Please don't hate me for this,english isn't my first language.I'm talking too much..*bows down ,wishes you a good day/night and sprints*

»»——⍟——««

Morning 11.07 am , dd/mm/2025

※MC's POV※

"What took you so long,Mr Alan? I've been waiting here for more than an hour.,"I say, as I hear him whispering an insincere apology to me and shutting off his walkie talkie.

"He's not here with you, is he? ", he glanced at the parking lot from the second floor of Terrendale police headquarters, where we stood near the windows. Phil, who was leaning against the car, waved at us.

" Jake is not here ,Mr.Alan. Well, I didn't want to put him in a tight spot", I shrug while he points that we should go to the adjacent building . "Don't look at me like that! I'm really sorry that I kept you waiting,Mrs Donfort, but I honestly didn't know about the change of his imprisonment site", he said for which I sighed and followed him.

"Jake threw a huge tantrum during one of the trials, I understand. But I wonder how he left you with his rival",asked Alan .

" Beats me. Besides there was no one free to accompany me.Jessy was there but", I lowered my voice a bit and said, "She doesn't know about his change of imprisonment. She saw him yesterday, but not here,you know".

Alan mouthed an "Oh yeah" and continued, "It wasn't easy to bring him just for a day here. I had a hard time convincing the higher officials ", he grumbled,by the time we reached the investigation room.

Alan stopped me with his hand and looked quite bothered. He took out his gun from the holder. " Do you need this? ".

" Ashhh! You're mocking at me ,right? ",I shrieked for which he returned a grin. He patted my shoulder and said, "Just call me if you need my help, ok? ".I thanked him,he smiled and walked away, probably to talk to the chief police of Terrendale.

I've waited for 3 whole years for this one to one conversation with him.I've been strolling back, afraid of this to happen, but not anymore.

I greeted the officers on guard, and entered the room.Surprisingly I was not anxious nor shaking.I was full of rage, hiding it with all my effort. There in the seat, I saw the guy sitting and staring at the floor. He slowly looked up, as he sensed me coming towards him. Slower and slower his lips curved. That smile, the smile that is like a soothing beam of daylight,which makes your entire worries disappear, had me only ready to slap that wretch of his face. It was Richy, the man without a face in a prison dress,one of his hands cuffed with strings.And I did hit him, my effort to hide was all in vain.

※3 years ago at the Ironsplinter mine※

" My goodness! Ms. Donfort, are you okay? "

"Please save Richy! ", MC could here Hannah crying and Alan comforting her.

MC let out a deep sigh of relief;Hannah is saved, finally. But it didn't stop her from running, since she had two other tasks to do. She cut the call, removed her headphones, and looked around , catching her breath. It was pitch black;and she could clearly hear Alan screaming repeatedly, who was facing the other side, " Put your hands up! , whoever you are! " , Alan was ready to shoot the person in front of him.

It was Jake who also got caught to Alan.The black masked guy stood there, about to rise his hands.Suddenly a gun was pointed at Alan's forehead.Hannah was in shock but didn't have enough strength to scream, and Jake stood there perplexed, with his hands up. "Lower your gun now! , Mr. ALAN BLOOMGATE! ", yelled MC, who was wearing a mask and suited in all black.

" Who the hell are you? ", Alan spoke aggresively, he didn't change his target of shooting nor moved an inch. MC pressed her gun a little harder in his head, " *clicking sound of a gun* It's loaded, I'm not playing games, Mr. Bloomgate.I'll take care of him.I'm fom the FBI", MC showed an ID and quickly pushed it back into her pocket.

Realising the situation, he slowly put his gun down, while Jake fled away immediately.

"Sh#t", MC ,shoved her gun into her pocket,and chased him in the direction he ran. The mine was dark and had eerie vibes, just like Jake told. MC followed the sound of his steps and stood swiftly in front of him. There was a light source a little away from them, so she could see his movements somewhat, and vice versa. He was about to hit her, but MC dodged it.

There was 1-2 minutes of 'who was the upperhand in the fight' . MC did her best not to get hurt and also not hurt him harder,and in the middle of it she was screaming to get his attention, "Jake!..Wait! .. Listen to what I have to say!", but he was persistent to get rid of her. He was a lot fit and faster than MC, and finally pinned her to a wall ,grabbing both of her hands with one of his hands.

Before knocking her down, he got strangely curious and pulled out her mask, only to get shocked to see who it was. MC kicked his knee and freed herself,she slid down the wall and leaned against it.Jake winced in pain but the astonishment hasn't left his eyes.

"Yes, it's your girlfriend,Jake Donfort", MC said, under her breath.

※ Few seconds later ※

MC got up staggering, and lent her hand to Jake, who was lying on the ground, breathing heavily as much as her. He stared at her hand, and then stood up on his own, patting the dust on him. He was dead silent, picked up his bag and checked his essentials.

"Jake?….Are you angry?"

He glared at her and averted his eyes to his bottle of water. He yanked his mask and started drinking it, as if he was trying to calm down his burning emotions. MC blurted a "Wow" and before she could savour his beauty, he stepped towards her and grabbed her wrist, eyes fixed to hers.

"Angry? Do you have any idea how I feel right now? What happened to the promise you made!?What if it didn't go according to your f**king plan? , " Jake's temper raised.

" Give me a second, I'll treat your wound, Jake.I told you to be careful while climbing, but you didn't",MC looked at his unproperly bandaged leg, and tried to change the topic, despite knowing it won't change.

" This isn't about me, MC! Look at my eyes and answer me!.Why did you come here?",He pulled MC a little closer, his voice hasn't gone down.

"What do you want me to do? Wait at home until I hear the news that you got caught to the FBI? Or that you died? You sound like you hate me for saving you a few minutes ago.Hate me,scold me all you want! ,but I'm not going to apologize for breaking our promise.Why did I come here? Because I love you,I love you Jake!I don't want to lose you, I was so scared, I was worried about you! . Is it so hard to figure out?", MC screamed, tears ready to flow down her cheeks.

He squinted his eyes, losing balance and clasped his injured leg and let out an "ahh", as low as only both of them could hear. MC's silent tears ran down,she slowly made him lean comfortably on the wall, and grabbed her bag to find the emergency kit. She quenched her thirst and handed him her water bottle and he calmly watched her mending his wounds.

" Did I hurt you..during the fight? I'm sorry, MC", his soft voice yet quavering, made her smile a little. She shaked her head, and sat beside him." It's only bruises. Don't worry,Jake.I should be the one apologizing *looks at the swelling in his hand*. That must hurt a lot. I'm very sorry, Jake",she said and looked at him genuinely regretful but he started giggling.

"What's so funny, Jake? " ,MC asked blushing. He restrained his laugh, "Sorry,its just..I didn't know you were good at fighting".

" I have a lot of hidden skills like you.I would love to show you all of them, once we get out of here, deal?", MC said and beamed a smile. He winked and gently interlocked his fingers with hers,for which MC pecked a kiss on his knuckles. His cheeks turned red instantly and then he sulked after seeing her tear-strained face.

He pulled her for an hug and said, " What would've happened if I hurted you a few seconds ago? Do you think I would've lived with that? I don't hate you , I will never hate you, MC. Even now, I don't believe if you're really here. Do you think it was easy for me to live every second, assuring your safety ,miles away from you? When you said you've imagined a life with me, I wanted that to happen no matter what even if I have to face hell. But my life is not what you expect it to be.It has unpredictable dangers,and I'm afraid that I'll kill you because of that.Let's be honest here, I only troubled and hurted you, by pulling you into this mess, am I right?. I'm the worst boyfriend one can ever find.Just let go of me. Atleast then, you will be at peace", he started talking without a break that he didn't realize he was tearing up.

MC wanted to cry along with him, but she wants to make him feel safer, to be loved, and not to hate himself for the mistakes he didn't do.

She hugged and brought him a lot closer to her, "I am not letting go of you, Jake, I want you to be in my life.And please, stop blaming yourself. It's not your fault Hannah getting kidnapped, it's not your fault that I'm here,not your fault that this mess happened. I feel miserable when you always apologize for everything.What do you mean by worst boyfriend? You've hurt me sometimes, I agree, but the happy moments I've experienced,only you can give me that, Jake. And whether it's right or wrong,best or worst,let's do it together .I know,you've faced so much difficulties in your past. It must've been so hard to go through it alone.Your past,present and the future you hold, let me be a part of it, Jake.You don't have to face them alone, Jake,you never have to", she cried and released her hug.

He was still crying, she cupped his face in her hands and caressed him. "I'll stay with you, ok? I'm not letting you go", she said again looking right into his (colour)eyes, and reassured him. "Thank you for being here, MC", he placed his hands on hers and continued sobbing.

But they didn't have time for this. They have to get out of here, and also save Richy. With MC's help he got up. He was able to walk, thankfully. He gestured her to follow him, but then suddenly halted ,looking at his phone.MC could hear him saying "Gotcha!",and tapping some numbers on his phone. Then he turned around with a doubtful expression.

" What do you mean by FBI Agent?Why did you lie to Alan? Are you planning to stay in jail with me? "

She was ready to apologize again, but widened her eyes, "You did a background check on me? How dare… "

"Umm.. I'm .. I sincerely apologize for doing that. I didn't mean to… ", before he could finish his words, she pulled him by his hoodie, and kissed him.The surprise kiss caught him off guard, that he looked frozen. " I didn't know you were this much talkative,Jake", MC cackled.

"You look more pretty when you're blushing, MC", Jake backfired.

As he was about to kiss her again, MC moved her head sideways, " You don't have anything to say to me? ". Jake looked puzzled ,then moved closer to whisper in her ears, " I love you so much, MC", he pressed his lips to hers.It started gentler but his whole body was lost in her presence,and by the time they parted to catch their breath,he met her lips again, as if he will never again get the opportunity to taste her lips.

Now, it was MC's phone that vibrated. They chuckled as they pulled apart. "Ah,you still didn't answer my question,MC",Jake asked. MC texted Alan and looked up at Jake to respond.

" Ok, long story short, I went to the house in forest right after Mwaf got shot by Dan, asked him the gun and staged my plan. I used the route that you told about,the entrance in Terrandale.That FBI ID is my driver's licence", MC's reply made Jake speechless.

He was about to start his lecture but MC showed him Alan's message and the one text that caught his attention was "FBI agents are here". MC looked worried because she knows very well Alan wasn't telling about "the fake FBI MC".

" Don't worry MC.I took care of them. My strategy was to guide them to a fake location, they'll probably head there in no time.Just wait here for me. I'll quickly look for a path to find Richy.Please don't go anywhere. I'll be right back, MC", he kissed her forehead and vanished into one of those paths in the mine.

She took the ointment to treat her bruises, but there was someone in the shadows,heading towards her. She quickly took her gun and held it ready, but she lowered it as soon as she recognized the person.

"Oh my, Jake, that was quick. What is it now? ", asked MC. She saw him holding on to something in his hand, and staring at it intensely.

" Sorry that I surprised you, MC…. I..I found this on the ground. This is my late mom's ring. I carry this around wherever I go….Seems like I lost it while you chased me", Jake spoke like he wanted to share a lot regarding that , but she could see his heart was not ready,especially because of the situation you both were in.

"Ah, I see", MC didn't know what else to say.

" I may lose it again, so I'm entrusting this to you,MC", he took her hand and the moment he wore the ring in her finger, he just smiled innocently and headed to his mission. MC was too stunned to function.

How much ignorant her hacker boyfriend can be? Yes.

After that, the only thing MC remembered was the video call with the man without a face.

※Evening 7.12 pm dd/mm/2025 (same mentioned date at the beginning)※

MC and her Duskwood friends were having a barbeque party ,to celebrate the two Donfort sisters' weddings that took place on the same day.The party is happening in Hannah's Dad's guest house.

MC kept remembering all such little ,funny conversations that she had with Jessy and Richy in her mind. It felt like the three of them were together for a long time than one could imagine. The trio were wandering merrily in a garden holding hands and teasing each other.Then suddenly one of them pushed the rest two into a very deep river.MC and Jessy scream and try to come up ,only to see Richy wearing the mask, with the red blood and raven feathers. They both think it's better off drowning than facing the horrible truth. That's how it was, and it would always be.

※Jake's POV※

The truth, about who Richy really was, made MC feel nothingness . She wasn't able to process completely for a week? a month? Or more than that, that I couldn't even tell exactly. Sometimes, when she's right beside me,holding my hand,her head on my shoulder, she speaks languages with her tender touch that only I can understand,but her eyes kept searching for something.She was fighting a figure that wasn't visible to me.

"Don't leave me suffering alone,Jake!.I know what you feel about me. I don't care about what this world expects from us. All I want is to be with you forever", she cried when I was at the hospital, in a situation of life and death,and that made me fall for her even more.After surviving the tragedy, I thought I could solve what's eating up her soul and mind. I was afraid that I would fail in doing that.

" MC's behavior has changed a lot ever since she came to Duskwood.Please take care of her ,Jake",her brother/sister/best friend, when they came to see her after the mine incident,told me worriedly. But today, it was different.

She looks like a weight has been lifted up from her shoulders. Maybe Phil was right about allowing her to meet that maniac. I didn't entirely oppose about the meeting.Moreover, MC said she needed time to think. And it delayed for a very long time because of Hannah and Jennifer case. Fortunately, Hannah was punished with 2 years of imprisonment, and Dan and MC got charged for using the gun.

Nevertheless,I'm amazed how Alan didn't accuse MC for playing thevrole of"the fake FBI".And he also helped me to live a normal life, thanks to MC's request. The whole thing with my dad went a bit smoothly because of her. Where would I be without her?

I asked the reason to Alan and he told me that he didn't want to make the situation worse and he'd have done the same if he were in her shoes. But what irks me is ,he told me that " MC is interesting " followed by that crooked smile of his.Hah,I know that she is interesting,that's why she is my wife(officially a couple since 2023).Arghh he is driving me nuts.

"What are you deeply thinking about, Jake?You don't want to play ? ", MC asked ,holding Thomas's guitar.

He snapped back from his thoughts and smiled at her. " You want me to play this ? " She nodded with excitement all over face and the Donfort sisters too urged him to play.

He looked at MC'S eyes as if he said NO, but MC handed him the guitar and stood along with him in the centre of everyone.

"Well then, MC will be the singer! Come on, you said you were good at it", Jessy cheered her.

"Yayy I didn't know that, come on boo, sing a song to congratulate our wedding", Dan said holding on to his wife, Lilly.

" Stop calling her boo, Daniel!", Jake and Lilly cried in unison.

"Oops, but heyy, I'm not cheating, that's how I used to call MC".MC nodded in response to Dan, to prolong the fun in the drama.

Cleo , on the other hand,sipped her drink while enjoying the show. " You are awkwardly silent today, Phil", she asked the bartender who was staring at the motionless huge trees in the forest.

He looked at Cleo, then shifted his gaze at Jessy. Cleo understood what he might be concerned about, and handed him a drink, which he got without hesitation.

"You're not the Phil I knew before", said Cleo, glancing at Jessy.

Phil emptied his glass and asked raising his eyebrows, "Was I that much of a nonchalant brother? "

"You were", Cleo said and added "Are you worried about her and… Richy… ".

" She met that guy yesterday, MC told me", he paused and continued "She wants to give him a second chance? What does she think of herself? An angel forgiving a devil? All he did was LIE! Why doesn't she listen to me? And MC is also siding with her. Ack.. I don't know ,how this will end, "

"Love makes one blind, Phil, you wouldn't know that", Cleo remarked and poured him another 2 glasses, " Try to take care of yourself first, I heard your bar isn't having much visitors at weekdays".

Phil choked on his drink, "It's not! I close them from time to time, since I also do another job. Are you interested to know about that? ", Phil's tone was a bit cheerful.

"I'll pass. By the way, what did MC talk to Richy today? ", inquired Cleo.

So that's what you wanted to know from the beginning, Phil murmured and then responded with a forced smile, " MC panicked and didn't talk properly to me. We must give her some time.Don't you agree? "

She just hummed and asked "Shall we meet tomorrow at the Aurora? ", without making an eye contact with him.

"Oh yes ", exclaimed Phil.

※Roughly 8 hours ago※

"Haha,MC, this feels good.You came all the way just to hit me? "

"You're so funny Richy, I'm here to talk", MC said dragging the chair, and sat facing him.

" I have a question before that ", Richy asked MC. He seemed serious.

She just blinked her eyes in agreement. " Why did you wait for three years,MC? Why? Why didn't you approach when you saw me everytime you visited the court?", Richy's words were emotionless, yet MC could feel the severity of his words.

During those trials in the court, MC would see him, sometimes she would give him a death stare, some days her eyes would be red, but she won't shed a single tear in front of him.Some days she yearned to forget the truth, and live on believing the lie that he was only Richy, the friendly mechanic; MC was struggling to intertwine her heart and mind's decisions' in one single string.

"What type of question is that? Does that mean you missed me?", she got up from her seat and stood at the closed door, with her arms crossed.

"You've been stabbing yourself, MC", Richy mumbled. "Things wouldn't have gotten out of hands if you have just listened to the mwaf", he pointed at himself and gave a devilish smile.

*desperate chuckle* "That's my line, Richy. When are you gonna realise? ", she took little steps towards him , "And that smile doesn't suit you Richy Roger, don't play 'the bad guy' before me, I didn't come here to kill him."

He rolled his eyes sceptically.

" And the answer to your question is simple. I wanted Hannah and my friends back. What I mean by that is, I … "

"You wanted them to go back to their normal lives", Richy concluded her line, she wanted to say something but silence conquered her words.

"Not bad, you are right.And the jury didn't allow the main victims(Hannah,mc, jake) to confront the culprit.Also,We were especially worried about Hannah. She started believing that her survival was meaningless.I thought the group would lose another friend",MC and Richy exchanged looks and he immediately stared down,she bit her lower lip and continued, "But Hannah understood that the more she tried to run away from her mistakes, the more she ruined her own life and the people she care about. She forgave you long ago,Richy. *a pause* She only wishes that you don't hate her for this".

Richy stood up from his seat, and banged the table with his hands yelling, " Stop it MC! Everything is over between us .Practically speaking,it didn't even exist from the very beginning.So Get out! "

"When you meet Richy tomorrow, remember that he will only try to fight against you",MC recalled what Jessy told her, and somehow it made her remember of someone else too.

"And your parents,Well, I think Jessy might've told you(Jessy and Phil take care of them). Anyway, Paul wanted me to say this to you, he wants his son back.He regrets so much for failing as a father. Mom is fine.You should've already introduced her to me,Richy Roger.She's simply sweet, she also loves the cakes I prepare along with Cleo.Sometimes she reminds of the Richy I know", MC was now only an inch away from him.

"You can't fix what I broke, MC", Richy roared in laughter.

" I damn know that very well, Mwaf. I and Jake almost died during the fire and I will never have the heart to forgive you. You said it wasn't easy for you to do all this, remember? What makes you think it wasn't difficult for others? You were fu#king selfish and single minded. But I have to appreciate your acting skills. Haha.You should apply for acting in a movie, you'll probably be selected. "

MC came closer to hit him again, but instead hugged him. Richy stood their startled , but his legs were shaking without his will.

"I really felt happy when Richy said we could have a clubhouse. I agree that we were kidding about that, but I trusted and loved him as a fellow friend. I felt proud of the guy who didn't give up on his garage business , who took care of his parents despite the state he was in. I don't know if any of the feelings he showed me were real,whether he really considered me as a friend, but Thank you Richy. I had fun enjoying that part of you, in my life. And you also showed me that I will never see him again. But if he's still there, just let him know I miss him,we really miss him.

"Yeah, he died a long time ago, what you saw was just a ghost of him. "

She raised her head to see him,a melancholic smile spread across her face, "I know that Richy, but why are you crying? ", she asked him not releasing her hug.

MC used the key and released him from the handcuffs, so that he could hug her. He finally wrapped his arms around her and weeped till his cheeks were swollen.She patted and whispered that everything will be alright.

※a while later※

"I'm not going to be forgiven, but…I'm sorry MC. I am so sorry for treating you like that."

MC released her hug and handed him a tissue,"Before that, can you tell me what is that shining in your finger? I've seen a similar one in someone else's hand", she questioned looking at the ring that he was wearing.

"Uhhh, that.. MC it is… A gift from Jessy, nothing else,haha, " he diverted his eyes to examine the empty room.

MC smacked her palm against her forehead, "Phil is gonna kill us.No, me"

"Speak of the devil, he's texting me. I better go. Ahh what am I going to do with you and Jessy! ", she rambled and when she was reaching for the door, he called her.

" Is it okay.. To start again? Do you think I deserve that, MC? "

"I do not know for sure.I honestly feel like I can't be the judge of that. Well, wait for another 4 years. Let's hope for the best to happen. See you later, Richy", she bid him goodbye and stepped out. She gave the key to the officer and he rushed in to see Richy.

The air that she breathed felt no longer suffocating and her regret and sorrow departed from her heart little by little as she moved away from the room.

Everything is going to fine in the end. If it's not fine, it's not the end. -writer of Everbyte Duskwood

◆◇◆◇◆◇◆◇♡◆◇◆◇◆◇◆◇

A/N: Thank you so much for those who reached the end of this fic😆❤. And let me know what you think about this🤭 The law and order etc,I'm not familiar with it, I'm sorry if I have mentioned anything wrong😅I realised it very very late that I the ring concept is repeated omg😭 just ignore it haha

Take care and much love! 💕

✿MASTERLIST✿　　

#duskwood #duskwood everbyte #duskwood fandom #duskwood fanfiction #jake duskwood #iamjake #duskwood episode 10 #duskwood episode 10 spoiler #duskwood mwaf #everbyte studio #duskwood hacker #duskwood jake x mc #everbyte studios #duskwood game #everbyte duskwood #duskwood richy #duskwood jessy #writings☆

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likesomekindofcheese · 3 years ago

Note

Can I request Brian May(70s AU Modern) x American fem!reader where the reader slips into a deep depression after a phone call with her mother which can not be the first time. Also the reader could come from a family of domestic emotional abuse.

When she begins to shut everyone out even Brian it sends up the red flags to point where the reader stops doing things she enjoys(like bead work or video games or things her mother perceives as childish/not mature) and won't let Brian touch her. This forces him to confront her since at first he could have given her space, but that didn't help.

Serious angst, depression, mention of past attempted suicide and domestic emotional abuse that ends with fluff.

Wow sorry if that got dark and too personal I'm kinda in a dark place right now 😔😢😦☹😟

Thank you for taking the time to read this and hope you are doing well! 💖

Hun, I have wrote a fic and will soon plan to write another fic about coping with my own familial abuse. Trust me- you are in a safe space to do so!! This is a comforting, fantasy blog!!!

Anyways, I hope you like it!

Tw: mentions of depression and abuse and mentions of a suicide attempt.

“Well I guess you don’t really love me!” your mother said through the speaker.

Your hands shook on the phone. You were unable to hear the words. All of the Instagram posts on all the flowery, pastel mental health accounts would detail with bullet points what symptoms of emotional abuse included

And your mother was clicking off every one of them.

Words passed through. The dream like unreality turning into a nightmare. So many people could run to their mothers for a warm embrace and for comfort, but instead of an embrace yours was a choke to desperately escape from.

When the phone put down, you looked over at the beads. They were colorful and bright- blues with soft pinks and in piles. Strings waiting for them. You realized that nearby there were some scraps of paper Brian left behind when he was showing you lyrics for his new song. This was a place of creativity in all it’s escape...but you found no heart to do so.

The beads were left untouched. When Brian walked over, shaking snowflakes from his fluffy hair and bringing you some leftover cake baked by a roadie for a party, he saw that your project was in mid-air.

It was untouched the next day.

Brian would wander around to stare at the stars. He always was a night owl by heart. He would watch tv and eat snacks and maybe text Rog or Freddie. But when he returned to your shared room, you were still wide awake, scrolling mindlessly through your phone. Anything, anything to distract you. Numb you. Numb you from the pain. Or even to obsess over it- looking up everything on how to deal with mothers like yours. But in vain.

So as you shifted between sides, it kept Brian awake from feeling your body moving like a tunneling mole- and still awake.

So he moved one long hand to touch your shoulder...

“Y/N, sweetheart...what...”

You slapped it away.

“I’m not in the mood, Brian! If you pull anything beyond PG you’re sleeping on the couch tonight!” you warned, shooting right up.

He took the cue that you needed space.

So he gave it to you. You were both like boats passing in the night. He would go and read books or strum his guitars when he was home. He ate his meals at separate times. Anything, anything to make you feel better.

It didn’t help much. Now you were an island to yourself. And Brian knew it.

Finally, he confronted you about it.

“Y/N, what is going on? What happened? This all started Saturday and it’s Friday...did something happen...”

“I...it’s silly...I...”

“Y/N, please!” he begged.

“It’s all starting with the beads- you would work on them for hours...and you haven’t touched them in almost a week, what is it?”

“My...my mother says they are childish...”

“Childish? You sell them for God’s sake!”

“She said plenty of other things too..”

“What did she say...” Brian asked cautiously.

He went over to put the kettle on. You let out a little huff of a laugh. That was always the English in him. You could take the boy out of London, you know.

He began taking your hands in his and his eyes teary- so large and soft that you felt yourself captivated. Safe. You could tell him anything.

So you told him everything. Every last word your mother said on the phone. The years. Her manipulation. Her cruelty. The harsh names. The gaslighting.

The kettle whistled and two cups were poured out. The warmth and comfort of the cup and the feeling of hot liquid in your empty stomach made you bold.

How once you tried to escape it all...and it was unsuccessful. But you were still here and with him because of the failure of that action.

Brian cried quietly as he listened. You leaned into his chest and sobbed and he held you. Though he was always very skinny, he was warm, sweet smelling, and his shirt was soft.

“Y/N...I’ll keep you safe. We will stand up to your mother. I’ll make sure she won’t get to you. Its won’t be easy but....but you’ll have me. Always.”

“But she’s my family!”

“And families protect and care for each other...I think the band itself protects and cares for you far more than she does! Y/N...you’ll be safe with me and the boys-hell, even my own family! We have your back, and we’re here for you, my dear...”

You gave him a kiss on the cheek and another embrace as the sun rose through the kitchen window. And with it, darkness went away to a slowly strengthening light.

#carrie write #carrie writes #Brian May #Brian May x Reader #Brian May x y/n #Brian May x You #hurt/comfort #tw: mentions of abuse #cw: mentions of abuse #tw: depression #cw: depression #tw: mentions of atttempted suicide #cw: mentions of attempted suicide

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angelanimedesaray · 4 years ago

Text

Breathe

AN: I was contemplating on some future multi-chapter fic things and when I realized I couldn’t put this into any of them with my current plans, I ran over here to write this little drabble because I NEED TO WRITE IT!!!

Also, I know this was OH SO LONG AGO COMPARED TO OTHER THINGS, but I was thinking about it because I just watched my favorite reactor (A Goodwin TV) react to Midnight Sun and it’s on my mind, as well as the reason above. (Imma just name drop him real quick cause his AOT and ATLA reactions are GOLD) Okay, name drop over, back to the drabble/One Shot

FINALLY: If I’m being honest, I kinda imagine Vampire!Reader from Wings in the Dark doing this, but still, don’t take that as canon, cemented fact here, it’s just READER in this piece...but in my mind that’s kinda what I was thinking, heh

Characters: Levi, Reader, Erwin (Post-Mortem, Mentioned)

Pairing: Levi x Reader

Warnings: ANGST, Post Canon-Character Death, Grief, Loss, Brief Non-descript Nudity, Hurt/Comfort

Word Count--Idk, I wrote this in Tumblr and was too lazy to check in google docs or something just take the drabble from my mind at 1:30 a.m.

*Reader’s POV*

Ever since Levi made the choice, there was a solid wall between the two of you, unseen to the human eye, but felt by both of you as it seemed to tower far beyond the abused walls of Wall Maria that you were surrounded by. It wasn’t out of any animosity towards you--by now you knew him well enough to know he wasn’t angry at you or anything like that. Far from it, actually.

But there were still things to do. Injured to look after--what remained of the Scouts to be injured, anyway--and a sweep of the town to make sure there weren’t any more surprises lurking that might wipe out the very, very few who remained. For a brief moment, you’d considered following him on that sweep of the area before deciding against it. You weren’t out of the woods yet, there were still things to do, and you weren’t going to distract him.

Even when Levi and Hange went to put Erwin’s body to rest, you didn’t follow, both of them already making it clear that it wouldn’t be rushed out of respect, but it was not going to be a long affair, either. The necessities, maybe a more personal touch here and there, and then back to work.

And he might want that time alone, as well.

When Levi came back, you got to your feet, expecting to pull him aside and at least talk to him, but he kept walking, stepping around you and heading straight for Armin and the others to have the much needed talk with them.

You silenced any kind of comment or concerned look that tried to rise to the surface at that. And you held your tongue as the five of you walked through the broken streets of Shiganshina to finally see what this great sacrifice bought, or rather revealed. The trip back was silent, everyone either busy with recoveries or with heads swimming with the reveal of humanity beyond the walls, bent on the destruction of everyone within the walls. But even with thoughts as monuments as that, you were painfully aware that nothing had been said between Levi and yourself still, that Levi was quiet as ever--no, quieter--and that there was a sense of something brewing in the air around you. You didn’t see any cracks in the façade, but when Wall Rose appeared, and the sea of smiling celebratory faces below, and then around, the blur of the world around you all as you were swept away in a sea of people who wanted to know what happened, what this meant, all these responsibilities suddenly falling on new people, reports needing to be made, debriefings, no rest for the wicked...

Even you couldn’t breathe with the sheer size of it all. It was insurmountable, a weight that was pressing down with no escape, and that was just what you felt. You didn’t have the weight that was on Levi’s shoulders, the knowledge and choices and responsibilities still oh so damn fresh with no time to process. So much to process. It still hadn’t quite clicked that the 10 people who came back to Wall Rose were the only ones who were going to be coming back.

Somehow, at some point, you and Levi found yourselves walking through familiar halls, past doors that suddenly found themselves without use, the halls empty of any activity or signs of life--at least the ones you were walking. There was life, elsewhere, but not in this particular wing, not at the moment. It was just you, Levi, and the bloody silence, the wall that Levi had shored up and somehow managed to keep up without any visible cracks.

Visible.

But that pressure in the air was mounting as he opened the door to your shared quarters, no creak on the door, just the softest whoosh of air as he stepped through, hands undoing the cloak from around his shoulders in the first two steps into the room, the gear being unlocked from the straps by the forth step you saw wobble--

The gear and cloak clattered onto the couch in a temporary position before Levi could finish taking off his gear, and you hardly had time to shut the door behind you before that wall shattered to dust without any warning, the moment it was just you and him and the silence with no chance of anyone disturbing you, as soon as you were hidden from the world.

It clicked, and it all came crashing down, all at once.

The distance evaporated the moment Levi’s knees hit the stone floor, a hitched breath cutting through the air as you hurried to his side, not even bothering to take off your own gear or cloak as all your focus centered on the stalwart man crumbling so visibly in front of you.

His hands were curled into fists against the cold floor, knuckles white and teeth grit as he tried in vain to hold the floodgates closed just a few moments longer, enough to at least get out of his gear and get it properly put away, for a more appropriate time and place than immediately on the floor of the office/sitting room portion of your modest shared quarters. But all the emotion he’d been bottling and trying to subdue until a more appropriate time could not be held back any longer. The moment the weight of it all hit him with nothing left to distract him was the moment he couldn’t hold it back any longer. Silent tears were carving a path across a face that had only gotten a few splashes of water to clean up hours ago. All the resistance and struggle he could still muster wasn’t enough to stop the sudden onslaught of damned up emotions hitting him at once.

As his shoulders shook and he started to turn his face away, still making an attempt to hold it back a bit longer, your arm slipped across his back, the other carefully touching his shoulder to turn him to face you. He didn’t have it in him to resist, he was too busy trying to contain himself to divert any energy into resisting your quickly offered embrace even if he wanted to. So, he turned into you, your hand coming up to gently thread through his hair and cradle his head into you as you maneuvered you both so you were facing one another. Your other arm was moving gently along his back in soft rubs not necessarily to soothe so much as to help him relax enough to let it out in a way that didn’t seem so physically painful. Right now the hitched breaths sounded sharp and sudden, the kind that made a persons chest physically ache, his muscles tensed so tightly you were worried bones would snap and sinew would tear.

You didn’t know what to say--what kind of words could possibly be of solace to him at a time like this, the weight of all that death and sacrifice and his monumental choice on the roofs of Shiganshina that had cost him someone more than a dear friend--cost him Erwin--causing him this physical pain.

One thing at a time. He needed to let it out, not bottle it up. He needed to release some of this grief, and he needed to not hurt himself even accidentally in the process.

“Just breathe, Levi...just try to breathe...” you murmured to him, trying to make your back rubs make a smooth, soothing pattern that mimicked a breath in and out to get him to slow down and breathe around the tears and the jagged breaths.

You continued your mantra of telling him to breathe as he struggled to follow your suggestion, breathing sporadic and tears dampening your uniform as you held him securely against you, fingers threading gently through hair that had turned greasy with the dirt and sweat.

He was going to want a bath right after this. But first, he needed this emotional release. That was the most important thing, even he seemed to realize that.

His fists raised from the cold floor to instead tighten into the fabric of your uniform, clinging to you in a death grip instead of digging into the palms of his hands. He was still shaking, and his breathing still sounded painful at times, but it was slowing down as he tried to match his breaths to the pattern of your soothing back rubs, trying to slow it down and take deeper breaths. You simply told him to breathe and rocked slightly in place, chin moving to rest against the top of his head.

You weren’t trying to make the pain go away--you knew you didn’t have that power. But you were going to offer him what help and comfort you could.

As Levi’s breathing slowed down to something a bit more manageable, you pulled away just enough to look at his face, hands shifting from his back and hair to gently cusp the sides of his face in your hands, thumbs wiping at the tears that had stained his cheeks and your clothes. He wasn’t looking you in the eyes, still, considering how rarely he let himself be this vulnerable, even around you. But this was a special exception, an anomaly none of you could have predicted, and you were making more than just simple, small exceptions.

His eyes were bloodshot from the harsh crying, and he looked utterly exhausted, like if you told him to go to sleep right now he actually would, without issue, but definitely with nightmares.

You were both in for some harsh and brutal nightmares going forward.

But again, that was not your focus right now.

Your thumbs gently wiped at the tears that were now trying to hide in the already-made rivers on his face, your touch kind and tender, your eyes full of sorrow of your own--you’d known so many of those that had died, as well. And you knew that Erwin had been special to Levi in a way you didn’t fully understand. It wasn’t the same thing you and Levi had, but it was still deep and strong in its own way, and it had just been cut out of him the first time while he was helpless to do anything about it, and the second time with his reluctant consent.

It took a few moments, but he finally looked at you, briefly, which was all you needed--that quick dart of his eyes towards yours, and the fact your gaze was locked on his eyes was enough to trap his gaze to yours long enough to say what you needed to.

“He was ready to go, Levi.”

Almost imperceptibly, Levi’s eyes widened at the fact that was the first thing you were going to say to him, out of everything (besides the brief coaching to calm him down. The first face to face, conversational thing, first real sentence).

You didn’t know what to say about the grief of so many people dead just so he could get one shot at the Beast Titan, which he then ultimately failed because of a split second of hesitation. You didn’t know what to say about being the one to make the decision to make that suicide charge, sending all those people to their deaths willingly. But there was one single thread you felt like you could actually say something about, something that might help ease his burden even the slightest bit. The pain and loss would still be there, but his load would be just a bit lighter...hopefully.

One grief and--you hated to say it, but--failure, that burned to the forefront of your mind as the greatest personal pains he had to be feeling right now.

Erwin.

You would focus on that. With Erwin, you had some kind of comfort to give, as strange as it may seem. But Levi could not take the full brunt of Erwin’s death, not as harshly as he was. Yes, he’d made the decision, both times, but again...

“He was ready to go,” you said in a carefully tender voice, your thumbs gently tracing along the smooth edges of his cheeks and cheekbones, holding Levi’s gaze and making sure your words were sinking in. “We both saw it. You know he was. You gave him...arguably what he wanted the most. He was ready to go.”

Levi seemed to remember to breathe again, leaning his head forward into your chest once more--voluntarily, this time--and simply seeking your quiet embrace. You didn’t make any more comments, simply holding him on your gathered position on the floor, staring off at nothing in particular as you slowly rubbed his back, murmuring little reminders to breathe whenever his breath would start to hitch again.

When your legs started to ache from the kneeling position you’d taken to pull his collapsed form into your arms, Levi pulled away, not even pausing to wipe at any tears or say anything or even look at you. He simply got to his feet and started undoing the straps that made up the full body harness of the ODM gear, adding them to the pile and starting to strip off his filthy uniform as well. You clambered to your feet with a bit of effort, pain shooting up your legs and making you pause to wait out the pins and needles sensation burning through your legs from holding that position for so long.

“I’m going to clean up,” Levi said bluntly, his voice still gruff, gravely from the harsh cry he’d just had as he finished stripping of his dirty clothes and started to head for the bedroom door so he could reach the washroom.

“And then get some sleep?” you suggested, turning to face him with a worried look. Levi simply grunted in response, hand on the bedroom doorframe as you threw out one last thing before the moment slipped away entirely.

“For what it’s worth...” you said quickly, slowing down for the important part. “I agree with your decision.”

Levi paused, held his position, and then said in a soft voice, “You’d be the first.”

“That’s not true. Mikasa and Eren--” you started to argue, but Levi simply turned and gave you a look that silenced your argument immediately.

They didn’t count. They’d been guaranteed to want Armin over Erwin because of their personal ties. Everyone else, however...you’d both heard it, even from Armin’s own lips in a way. Everyone else thought it should have been Erwin. Everyone. They had expected it to be, as well.

You squared your shoulders slightly, stubbornly standing your ground on the matter.

“I stand by your decision, Levi.”

Levi studied you for a long moment, fingers that had tightened to a white knuckle grip on the wood relaxing again as he gave a slight nod.

“...so do I.”

You felt a bit of relief seep through you to hear him say that to you and mean it, nodding as you started to take off your uniform as well. “I’ll be in there in a moment.

Levi hummed in acknowledgement and disappeared into the other room after that, leaving you to get undressed and tidy up the bear to be properly taken care of later when you were both in a better shape to do just that. Tip-toeing into the washroom, you could see Levi had already washed up and was simply soaking for a few moments, eyes closed and head leaning back slightly, one of his legs bending so his knee peaked out of the water as you approached.

He cracked an eye open once you got fairly close, sitting up and adjusting in the water for you to slide inside and join him, wrapping his arms around you in a firm hug and gently nuzzling against your neck, giving your jaw a soft kiss before he started helping you clean up, his movements gentle and slow, usually followed by a chaste, thoughtful kiss against your skin as the two of you washed you of all the dust, dirt, grime, and blood from the devastating mission. Once you were clean, you shifted in Levi’s embrace, curling into his chest as his arms linked around you again, holding you tightly to him and burying his face in your hair, breathing you in deeply and simply...holding you. Just holding you in silence, both of your minds heavy with the weight of far too many things, but finding a moment of solace in the unspoken fact that by some miracle you’d both made it out alive and were here to comfort each other in the aftermath, to help each other slow down and simple...breathe again. Even if it was just for a moment before the world continued forward in it’s harsh series of events. Even if it was just to hold each other until the water got cold and you had to migrate to the bed for sleep that would undoubtedly include nightmares of the very thing you each needed comfort for.

It was still a much needed moment where you simply clung to one another as that reminder to take a moment to breathe again.

Everything Tags: @antisteller

Levi Tags: @clary-quinn @humanitys-hottestsoldier @whalerus @sunny-flo @thirstyforsometea @hauntedhousecat @peaches-and-clouds @queenofcurse @wubbawubwub04 @lollobos @pasteldays @itsmeaudrieee @macaronnv @tokyo-banana @apuci-kis-szornye @morgana-olson @yellowminb @ashikothedog

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hockeyboysiguess · 4 years ago

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three french horns -> three goal horns | n. mackinnon

a/n: and like clockwork, here is fic number three in my 12 days of christmas series! i wrote this one a while ago and i hurt myself re-reading it to proof it, so i hope you all like it! rest of the christmas series linked here.

word count: 4,037

warnings: alcohol, drinking

“Hey, Nate?” you called out from the living room when you heard the back door open, signaling his reappearance in the house after letting the dogs outside.

“Yeah, baby?” he asked as he stomped his boots on the mat, shaking the last bit of the early Denver snow off.

You asked the question you’d been asking him since two weeks after his birthday, the same question you’d been asking a variation of for the three months before his birthday. “Nate, what do you want for Christmas?”

The sound that left Nate’s mouth was barely human, a groan coming from deep within, from the place that never knew what he wanted for any major gift giving holiday of any kind. You tried to be original, get sentimental things, but it was hard to buy for someone who could literally buy anything they ever wanted. Nate didn’t have big, expensive wishes, so if he wanted something, he often just bought it on the spot and you were none-the-wiser until it showed up at his house. This penchant, this bad habit, carried throughout the holiday season; it was a perpetual state of being for Nathan MacKinnon. This meant that items Nate ordered for himself were as likely to show up December 24th as any other day of the year, which was eternally infuriating as a person in his life trying to buy him gifts on the semi-regular basis.

“I don’t know,” he answered you, like he did every other time. “I’ll like it because it’s from you.”

That response was sweet the first, second, and half-sweet the third time he’d used it on you. Now, that response was worn out like an old pair of jeans, with holes in the thighs and the knees hanging together by a thread, absolutely unusable at this point in time really. Yet Nate continued to say it, like that string of seven words didn’t light a fire in your stomach completely unlike the kind crackling under the stockings on the mantle right now.

“Nate,” you groaned, all too similarly to how he had when you asked your question. Spend enough time with a person and you pick up their habits. You and Nate were a completely unoriginal example of that. “You know I hate when you say that.”

Nate rolled his eyes and shrugged, “Well, I don’t really know. A hat trick? But you can’t get me that, I’ve got to get that for me.”

The infamous illusive hat trick. While it wasn’t those dreaded seven words, you were pretty sure you had heard about this hat trick that was alluding him every other day at this point. In all fairness to Nate, the amount of times he had scored twice in the first two periods of a game this season and been held off the scoreboard in the second was absurd. Commentators were joking about it, his teammates were chirping him over not one, not two, but three missed empty netters that would’ve sealed it, even though Nate liked to say those didn’t really count as hat tricks. Greater than all of that, Nate was starting to incredibly frustrated with himself and his performances. You knew Nate was a competitive guy before you even went on your first date with him, but his competitiveness ran deep and honestly you weren’t sure your relationship would work if you were even an ounce more competitive than you were. Nate had to win, he had to achieve his goals. This goal was quite simply just three goals, but it continued to be just out of reach this season and coming up on the holiday season, pushing the halfway mark, Nate was starting to think it might not happen this year.

“You’ll get one, Nate,” you sighed. “You’re so close and you’re too good not to get whatever you put your mind to.”

“I got a good feeling about the game tomorrow,” he replied, sliding up next to you on the couch to throw a Christmas sweater-covered arm around your shoulders. “My good luck charm is going to be there, right?”

Nate wasn’t superstitious in the slightest, but he said he always scored more whenever you came. Statistically, a complete lie, but it made you feel special all the same. He kissed your temple softly as he relaxed into the couch cushions next to you.

“So, what are we watching? Classic or trashy Christmas?”

That question itself somehow encapsulated every single reason you loved Nathan MacKinnon, despite his pension for buying his own Christmas presents, his overly competitive nature, and the difficulty that came with trying to buy him a present. Nate didn’t love Christmas movies; he wasn’t a hater like some people you’d dated before, but you adored them, both classic and trashy alike. Nate jumped on board with whatever you liked, no questions asked. He always said you didn’t sign up to date all of his teammates that walked through the door scrounging for homemade food or the long hours alone, the least he could do was be as supportive of the things you liked as you were about hockey for him. Nate’s support came in casual, steady waves of constantly and consistently showing up, no matter how tired he was, no matter how long the day before had been. He might fall asleep twenty minutes into the movie, but Nate was here and active and present for as long as he could stay awake. He’d cross deserts and move mountains for an hour with you, and some days that’s what it took, but Nate showed up and jumped on board, which made him the easiest person in the world to love in spite of everything else. It made him the only person you wanted to spend this Christmas and every other one in the future with.

The next day, with his last name on your back and a Santa hat on your head, you found yourself in a position that felt all too familiar this season. You were watching the ice with eager eyes among the other wives and girlfriends. Your breath caught in your throat halfway through the first when you saw two seconds after him that there was nothing between Nate and the net but open ice and a goaltender. You slowly stood up, leaning forward as if those all important inches would help you see the ice better. You didn’t miss the puck sailing over the blocker’s side of the goaltender, or the eruption of cheers from everyone around you as the goal horn rang out, hopefully the first of three for Nate this evening. Mel hugged you, as if you had anything to do with Nate scoring. You adjusted your hat, pulling at the fluffy white edge until it sat a little less haphazardly on your head as you cheered.

“Two more, right?” Mel waggled her eyebrows at you and you rolled your eyes.

“For my sake, I hope so,” you laughed.

Going into Christmas break without this elusive hat trick meant the next four days would be spent with Nate’s mind half at the rink, trying to scheme and plan and game his way into a hat trick, as if the part he was missing was anything other than luck. Maybe he didn’t need regular luck though, maybe just a little bit of Christmas would do the trick tonight. Your third beer in, a vain attempt to calm your nerves with alcohol, and five minutes into the second, on the power play, you watched as Nate easily sailed in his second goal of the game from the high slot, causing the ever familiar cheers and the ringing of the Avalanche goal horn to sound out across the arena.

Two down, and hopefully one to go.

“Hatty watch,” one of the other girls sang out from behind you, giving your shoulders a squeeze.

You let out a loud, long breath, causing a wave of laughter to ripple across the other women around you. Mel teased you about it; they all did. Nate’s quest was well known among the group, something they were equally supportive and teasing about.

“He’ll get one,” Mel assured you with a comforting pat to your leg. “He’s too good not to.”

You really thought he had it. You watched as Mikko and Nate peeled off from the defenders caught on an odd change, leading to a two-on-one with a lone opposing forward doing his best, but poor, impersonation of a defensemen. Mikko passed the puck to Nate, which Nate passed back easily and set himself up for the perfect slap shot on the return. The quick passing had sent the other team’s player sprawling over the ice. It was just Nate and the goaltender, who was frantically shifting his eyes from Mikko to Nate, tilting back and forth on the ice. Mikko’s pass was perfect, right on the middle of Nate’s tape and Nate was ready for the pass. It was tracking high glove side, exactly where Nate wanted it to go, right into the back of the net. The goalie was facing Mikko, two key seconds behind the actual action. Except out of nowhere, the Grinch stole Christmas and Nate’s hat trick when the goalie’s glove suddenly appeared in the path the puck was taking and wrapped around the puck, just on the wrong side of the goal line for Nate.

The referee blew the whistle and signaled no goal. Nate’s hands dropped down, stick hanging low. His head tilted up toward the ceiling of the arena and you could practically hear the groan rise from deep in his chest. It was absolute robbery at its finest and the entire arena knew luck wasn’t on Nate’s side that night. You slumped down into your seat, preparing yourself for yet another two goal game and a frustrated Nate waiting for you in the tunnel when it was over. There were another twenty minutes left in the game, but if the first half of the season had taught you anything, third periods weren’t where Nate racked up anything other than wins and assists, both of which he loved, but he just wanted a third goal, just once. Mikko and Gabe each having one already this season, all six goals involving Nate as either the primary or secondary assist, didn’t help either.

“I think you need to pray or something,” Mel told you with a laugh. “Pray to anything and anyone out there at this point.”

You cleared your throat and looked up at the ceiling of the Pepsi arena, “Santa, I know this isn’t how you take requests,” Mel and the girls around you were already laughing, “but please, pretty freaking please, can we just get some Christmas miracle magic vibes in here? It’s all he wants for Christmas. Please and thank you and I hope you have a Merry Christmas.”

“Are you supposed to say amen if you pray to Santa?” someone behind you asked.

“Look I’m not opposed to it,” you sighed. “It just didn’t feel like the right ending when I was asking for a Christmas miracle.”

The girls all laughed and you just stared up at the ceiling. Maybe Santa might grant your unorthodox request delivered via an even more unorthodox method. Maybe you should’ve written him a letter and dropped it into one of those charity red mailboxes at Macy’s. Maybe Nate just wouldn’t be getting the one thing he wanted for Christmas and there was absolutely nothing you could do about it. You knew he was joking when he asked for a hat trick for Christmas, but joking or not, it was the only thing he even sort of mentioned wanting. If sending out a Christmas wish audibly in the middle of the Pepsi arena was what it took, you were more than happy to do it.

You grabbed your fourth and fifth beer together during the intermission, knowing full and well that you didn’t want to miss a second of one of Nate’s shifts in case something good happened. If after all of this time, all of this waiting, all of Nate’s back and forth debating, if you missed his hat trick goal because you were grabbing another beer, you would have to guess that higher powers didn’t exist and the hockey gods loved laughing at you and maybe Christmas wasn’t that magical after all.

The third period was half over when you finished your fourth beer. Your right leg had been bouncing on the concrete since the period started. Nate was getting some good looks, and added another assist to his point tally for the night, but you and everyone knew what he actually wanted tonight. A slashing call with eight minutes to go put the Avalanche back on the power play, and you knew Nate was going to fight to play every bit of those two minutes he could get, which meant you were about to be in for a mentally exhausting two minutes. Mel offered her hand to you, already knowing you would need her to ground you through this.

The first shot on the power play from Mikko ended up in the opposing goaltender’s glove. Nate lined up for the next face-off and you swore you didn’t breathe as soon as the puck left the referee's hand. Nate swept it back easily to a waiting Gabe. You gripped Mel’s hand hard, grateful you both did this for each other often enough that she didn’t mind. Nate slid up through the low slot and you saw the stars aligning as Gabe sent the puck perfectly in Nate’s direction. Nate was already ready for it when it came, the puck on his stick for less than a second. Your eyes went wide and you felt like you were about to break Mel’s hand as the goaltender shrugged his shoulder up to block Nate’s shot, but he came up short and the puck hit the back of the net.

You were screaming as you jumped to your feet, arms wrapping tightly around Mel as someone else hugged you from behind, again like you’d done anything other than practically give yourself a heart attack watching it. Nate was surrounded by his teammates on the ice, earning a swift pat on the top of the head from Gabe. A glance up at the Jumbotron showed you the wide, bright smile on his face, filling with relief and absolute joy. Mel grabbed your hat by the pom pom and chucked it down towards the ice, making you laugh and a smile that rivaled Nate’s come across your face.

“Finally,” you breathed out a sigh of relief as the arena calmed itself, calming you with it.

You plopped back down into your seat, hatless with half a beer and your pride in Nate left to coast you through the next ten minutes. You knew Nate was going to be in a good mood, and you just wanted to get through the next ten minutes of the game to get to him and congratulate him yourself. The score was heavy in favor of the Avs and they weren’t in any danger of losing this game, so you got to drink your beer and let out a long breath you’d been holding since Nate first came home after back to back two goal games in October without a hat trick in sight.

You were practically bouncing on your heels as you waited in the tunnel for him, fingers fussing with the frayed edge of your denim jacket to get out some of your anxious energy. The second he rounded the corner, a wide, gorgeous smile on his face, you ran toward him. Nate wasn’t the type for large public displays of affection, but satisfaction from your incredibly competitive boyfriend was a hell of an influencer and he opened his arms wide for you. You jumped into him and he stumbled a second before catching you easily, one hand guiding your legs around his waist, the other supporting the back of your thighs.

“Congratulations,” you mumbled in his ear as he laughed at your openly shared excitement for him.

“Thanks, baby,” he told you, the smile he was wearing evident in his voice.

“Proud of you always,” you reminded him as you untucked your head from his neck.

You said it after every single game, win or lose, five points or no points, goal or no goal, you told Nate you were proud of him after every single game. The stats sheet didn’t matter to you. You loved him and you saw the grueling work he put in every single day, every single second he was on the ice. You were proud of him no matter what, and it was one of the thousands of reasons he had come to love you for. Your support, your pride in him and the work he put in never wavered. It was steadfast, something hard to come by in a life as crazy as he lived. You were his rock, his home, and he felt it like the gradual, comforting warmth from sitting by the fire on Christmas Eve, when the world seemed a little more good than it actually was, when you told him you were proud of him.

Nate smiled as he pressed a soft, quick kiss to your lips before gently guiding your feet back to the ground. He pulled you in tighter, collapsing you into him as he let out a long breath that had been holding his tension for months, caught in the hollows of his chest, finally working its way out into the open air. It had been haunting him, like a ghastly Halloween hangover that dared to last until Christmas. Thankfully, it was December now and Nate felt lighter and freer than he had in months.

“You got what you wanted for Christmas,” you mumbled into his chest, causing his chest to vibrate with laughter.

“Guess I sort of did, yeah.” He kissed the top of your head softly. “Ready to go home?”

“Ready for four days of you and me time?” you teased him a little.

Despite your teasing, his response was entirely genuine, “Been looking forward to it for weeks now.”

Your smile in response to his words stuck with you the entire way home. Nate loved you in actions, but sometimes it was nice to hear words from him as well. You kicked off your shoes at the front door, just in the knick of time before the dogs could come and greet you both.

“Want me to crack a bottle of wine or champagne?” you asked Nate as he dropped his bag by the front door.

“Champagne,” he told you before dropping a kiss to your temple. “We’re celebrating tonight.”

You slid into the kitchen, dogs hot on your heels, as you made a beeline for the champagne in the fridge. You’d slid it in before you left for the game on the chance Nate finally got his hat trick tonight. You hadn’t wanted to drink warm champagne if that was the case and now, holding the cold bottle of champagne and two flutes, you knew you had made the right decision betting on your boyfriend tonight. He rounded the corner into the kitchen a few moments later, game day suit still on, jacket and tie lost back in your shared bedroom.

“Glad you got yourself what you wanted for Christmas, Nate,” you smiled teasingly at him as you started to fuss with the gold foil over the champagne cork.

“Before you pop that,” he told you, reaching a hand out to place over yours as you worked on the foil covering the cork, “I, um, I have something for you.”

“Nate, it’s December twenty-third,” you sighed, setting the bottle down on the cool stone counter. “Can’t it wait a couple of days?”

Nate smiled softly at you, a smile that seemed to mean he knew more than you in this exact moment, “I’ve actually been holding on to this gift for a long time and I think tonight is the perfect night to give it to you. Are you okay if I blow up Christmas a little bit?”

You sighed again and gave Nate a stern look up and down, but the softness in his blue eyes and the innocence in his lazy smile pulled you in and had you nodding in approval. Your nod caused nerves to dance in Nate’s eyes and his hands to slide into his pockets, fidgeting with their contents. He shifted softly from one foot to the other. His eyes dropped to the floor for a moment to watch his feet move before he slowly lifted his head back up in time with a bounce on his heels.

“Okay, here we go,” he mumbled softly to himself.

He cleared his throat before speaking, “I told you I don’t know what I want for Christmas. Hell, I told you that I didn’t know what I wanted for my birthday and that was back in September. The truth is I’ve known what I’ve actually wanted the whole time. The hat trick was nice and all, but it wasn’t really what I wanted.”

“Whatever it is, you could’ve told me,” you chided him a little.

Your words were met with an anxious smile and more shuffling of his feet across the floor. He shook his head softly and let out a tight breath before continuing.

“The only thing I want for Christmas is something you can give me, but you can get it for me,” he told you softly, his voice shaking as he spoke, the nerves in his eyes and his feet and his hands tightening and constricting his voice resonating in his chest.

Nate slowly pulled a hand out of his pocket before purposefully, and painstakingly slowly, dropping down on one knee in front of you. Your hands flew over your mouth on instinct and your eyes clouded over instantly. Nate smiled softly at your reaction, trying desperately not to let what he hoped your actions meant take over and make him too hopeful of your answer to his question to prevent him from asking it. He carefully opened the small black box in his hand to show you your early Christmas present, a beautiful ring nestled among the black velvet inside.

“For Christmas, I’d like for you to say you’ll be my wife,” he continued slowly and as steadily as he could. “The thing I’m most proud of, of everything I’ve ever done, is being your partner. I love you so much more than I say, but I hope I show it enough that you want to sign up for me forever because it’s just you. It’s just you forever, for every single day, every single holiday, every single moment. I want to spend every single Christmas for the rest of my life with you. So, what do you say? Will you be my wife? Will you make my Christmas wish come true?”

The cliches hung thick in his words, but the emotions behind them, the sentiment was so true you could feel it in the very core of who you were. Nathan MacKinnon saw you, faults and gifts and everything in between and loved you in the steadiest, most true way you had ever known. In the light of the Christmas tree, in the home you built together, with the life you build together palatable around you, Nate was asking you to build the rest of it together. You didn’t have to think about your answer.

“Yes, Nate. Yes, I’ll marry you.”

Nerves gave way to relief which even more quickly gave way to joy on Nate’s face as he slowly slid the ring he’d had tucked in the back drawer for months onto your finger where it belonged. Nate let out a long breath at the sight of it finally on your hand before slowly standing up in front of you, his hands reaching out to cup your face gingerly.

“Best early Christmas present ever,” you told him with a wide smile on your face.

He smiled back just as widely and happily as you grinned at him, “Merry Christmas, my future wife.”

#nathan mackinnon #nate mackinnon #nate mack #100% certified canadian beef #nathan mackinnon imagine #nathan mackinnon fanfic #nathan mackinnon fic #nhl fanfic #nhl fanfiction #nhl fic #nhl blurbs #nhl imagine

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agathasangel · 4 years ago

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leave everything behind but me- part 4 (diane sherman x reader) (NSFW moment)

warnings: same as before, stalking (like full on irl stalking as well as online), drugging, some talk of emotional/physical abuse in this one, death mention. this whole fic is just kinda dark... sorry. Also brief nsfw moment.

summary: this part is from Diane’s perspective. as she looks for her neurotoxin ingredients in a panic, she reflects on how she came into contact with you in the first place, and all the highs and lows of your relationship up to this point.

where the hell are they? thought Diane, looking for the last, most important ingredient in her neurotoxin.

She couldn’t believe it had come to this again. Just like with Chloe.

Diane wondered where Chloe was, what she was doing. About five years ago, with an excellent defense lawyer, she managed to get out of jail for what she had done. She looked far and wide for her stolen daughter, who seemed to be nowhere to be found. She still worried about what became of Chloe, but knew she was probably doing alright. And one day, Diane found a new obsession by the name of (y/n).

It was nearly two years ago now. Diane was beginning to give up on finding Chloe, after three full years of searching anywhere and everywhere with no luck. But she did find something else.

She was staying at a hotel in California, near the hospital where she gave birth to Chloe, in the vain hope that maybe, just maybe, Chloe would be around.

Diane didn’t find Chloe, but she found something else from her past. Her college reunion was being held in the exact hotel she was staying at. She didn’t plan on attending, but then she came face-to-face with her college rival. This woman was the only person who did better in her classes than Diane. Not only that, but she had multitudes of friends, boyfriends, you name it, while Diane had no one. The woman never let Diane forget how much better she was either. It wasn’t the worst thing Diane had ever been through, not by a long shot, but it was a disappointment for sure. College was supposed to be the place where Diane could finally feel like she belonged, and she always resented this rival of hers.

“Diane! We didn’t think you were coming! Oh here, have a seat!” said the woman.

“I’m so sorry about Roger. It was such a shock to hear about.”, she continued, reminding Diane of her dead husband

“Yeah, I still can’t say I’m over it, all these years later.”

“Yeah when the love of your life just drops dead like that, you never get over it, do you?”, she said, far louder than Diane would have liked.

“Can we please talk about something else?”

“Of course, I’m so sorry, Diane, I know it must be so hard for you!”

“Yeah. Um... what’s your family like?”

“Well we have one daughter. Her name is (y/n), and she’s a senior in High School,” said the woman. She then leaned into Diane and said, “But can I be honest? I never exactly wanted kids. Never liked them. I thought it would change when I had her but it didn’t. She’s so... difficult.”

Diane’s blood absolutely boiled hearing this, but she managed to keep a polite face, “But that’s your child. Don’t you love her?”

“There are some good things about her, I guess. I do love her in my own way, but I can’t help but feel disappointed. She’s just not what I thought she’d be. I’m sorry, I thought you may understand. I never get to vent my frustrations about her.”

“I’m sorry, but I can’t understand. But, do you, um, by any chance have a picture of her?”

“On my phone, somewhere. Let me look.”

After a while, she found a picture of (y/n). It was fairly recent photo of you at a restaurant, at what looked like a dinner with the whole family. You looked sad and lost, but Diane thought you looked sweet.

“She’s beautiful.”

“Thanks,” said the woman, almost stifling a laugh, as if there was no way Diane could have meant that.

“I’m sorry, I need to go to the bathroom.” said Diane, as she was starting to turn red in anger and the woman.

“I’ll join you, I need to freshen up a bit.”

“Fine.”

So Diane walked straight into a stall while the other woman followed. Diane started to cry, so angry at this awful woman. She had a child, a beautiful, sweet, girl who was alive, for God’s sake. Diane would kill for what she has, in fact she had killed for it before. But this woman didn’t care about her child, she didn’t appreciate you one bit.

She didn’t deserve you.

Then she heard the woman get into the stall next to her and she decided to leave. But the woman left her purse on the sink. Diane looked into her purse and found everything. All her information was in her wallet, and she took pictures of her address, phone number, and credit card numbers, as well as a couple of photos of you and your father. Diane quickly threw the last photo back into her purse as she heard her enemy get up, and she ran away, all the way back up to her room.

Diane looked at the photos, and started to look for your social media. You didn’t seem to post very often, or have many friends. Most of your photos were of you by yourself, or pretty things you took pictures of, and even a couple of sad poems you wrote. Poetry written by teenagers was usually laughably bad, but hers made Diane cry. She saw herself in you.

Poor little thing, Diane thought. She needs some love. But I can do that for her.

Diane spent about a month following you and your parents around, without any of you even noticing her presence. One day she snuck into their house and bugged it, so that there were feeds of different rooms streaming to her computer at all times.

Diane noticed you spent most of your time alone. You wrote in a journal a lot, and cried fairly often, hugging a teddy bear you had. You just seemed so burnt out from stress from school, stress from your job, pressure from your parents. You fought with both of her parents often. Well... fight wasn’t the right word. Usually, one parent would yell at you and insult you, and you would choose to either take it or not take it.

There was one particular instance where you snapped at your father, telling him how he abandoned you so many times. He didn’t take this well, screaming all kinds of insults. How Diane wished she could hold you, rock you, comfort you and tell you that aren’t any of the terrible things your father told you, and that she’s sorry that you never felt good enough.

Diane snuck into (y/n)’s graduation, too. She knew she couldn’t contact you yet, but she got so much happiness out of just seeing this milestone of your life. All you did was walk across the stage and take your diploma, but Diane beamed with pride for you as you did it.

After graduation, your parents were constantly threatening to kick you out, and the fights got worse, they crying got worse. Diane wished she was there, comforting you, holding you and giving you all the love that your parents didn’t. Diane looked for a window of opportunity into this girl’s life until she found the perfect one. You had put out an ad on facebook for anyone on the east coast looking for a roommate, and Diane put her plan into action. She made a fake account on facebook pretending to be a college girl named “Anna Johnson” and responded to the ad, starting to talk to and getting friendly with you. “Anna” suggested that you take a bus trip and offered to pay the fare, but you refused because you wanted to earn the money yourself. Diane’s heart warmed at your sweet messages, even though they were to “Anna” and not her. “I’ve never had as good a friend as you before”, “Who needs a mom when I have you giving me such great advice?”, “You’re the best!”, every little message that you sent to Diane made her fall more and more in love. Diane bought a little house on the East Coast with the money she got from selling her old house, and hoped everything will fall into place in her new life with (y/n).

Now during the bus trip, Diane needed to follow you closely in her silver minivan, and make sure not to lose track of you during layovers either. Her detour into the coffee shop scared her at first, but once Diane found you, it was the perfect opportunity to finally, after all these months of dreaming, meet you face-to-face. Her new little baby girl, finally. Diane slipped a powdered sleeping pill into her already tired girl’s coffee to make you even more sleepy and suggestible, getting you to come with her to her hotel room.

Back in the present, Diane found the rest of the powdered sleeping pills as she was searching through her medicine cabinet and closet. She got so distracted thinking about you, and all the horribly wrong things she had done to you.

It’s for her own good, all of it. She needs to be protected, she’s too pure for this world, to good, too sweet...

Diane searched through the drugs she had given you, thinking of all the best times the two of you have had.

The first day Diane had been with you in the little house was heaven on earth. Finally Diane had everything she’s been working for for almost a year now right there, in her arms. Diane wanted to give you everything you didn’t believe you deserved. The only catch was that you belonged to Diane, and Diane alone.

She got a job teaching Chemistry at the local High School fairly easily, as she had extensive knowledge (even more extensive than she may have let on in her interview), of the subject, and the school district was completely desperate for competent science teachers. Diane found faking the background check easy, she used her maiden name and an incorrect date of birth and they didn’t ask her about her arrest at all. And now she had her new life set up. A house that she owned, a job to put food on the table, and you.

The next best day for Diane was the day you finally kissed her. Diane was starting to fall in love with you in a more romantic, even a more sexual way, but didn’t know if you felt the same way about her. Then, during one of your movie nights, you kissed Diane, and she felt overjoyed. She kissed you back and finally led you to the bed and fucked you, like she had been thinking about doing every night at this point but was too scared to actually initiate until now. She was in love with the feeling she got from kissing you, from pleasing you. It had been so long since Diane had been this intimate with anyone, and she was your first. And it was a real awakening for the both of you.

It felt so good, you felt so good. This relationship you had was so incredibly wrong in so many ways, but it just felt so right.

Why did it have to change?

Of course, there were still some hard moments. Even Diane admitted that there were times when she could be irrationally possessive of you, getting angry when someone even looks at you the wrong way. She knew that her possessive, obsessive attitude could scare you, and you would even blame yourself for it, but she didn’t know how to stop. She knew that you were getting scared she would become more difficult to please, like all the other people that have been in your life.

Or the times that you would cry, and it happened so often. You would get sad and Diane would hold you and tell you:

“It’s ok baby, you’re here now, you’re with me. I love you more than life itself. You’re gonna be okay, my little angel.”

One night Diane woke up to you crying into your pillow, and immediately grabbed you.

“What’s wrong, baby? What happened?”

“I- I was afraid that you might- that- one day- you might not want me anymore... what would happen if you d-don’t want me....”

“Listen, I will never not want you. You are all I have, remember? And you’re all I need. Come here, that’s right. You’re my baby, all mine.. shhh....”

Or, there was the time you asked about the scars on Diane’s back. She was mortified, but finally told you about her terrible childhood. The horrible abuse from her mother until her death, the foster home, everything. Her desperation to become the mother she never had. You hugged her tight.

“I’m so sorry, Diane, I had no idea... and to think I complained about-”

“Baby, don’t compare your life to mine. All that matters now is that it’s you and me, and I need to take care of you.”

“Sometimes I think I should be the one taking care of you, Diane.”

“Trust me baby, you do so much more for me than you think.”

Then Diane found it. The rest of the paint thinner. And she was ready to take away all your sadness once and for all, and make you hers forever.

#my fics #sarah paulson x reader #diane sherman x reader #diane sherman #sarah paulson #sarah paulson fics

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teyvattherapist · 3 years ago

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you said you wrote x reader for your ocs, could you share some?

im screaming. yes??? i could?? i have SO much from full fics to drabbles to hcs. here's soulmate au with Ohm my boy. if you want smth for Sandrone lmk

tags: gn!readerxOhm, Ohm story spoilers, angst for like 2 seconds then fluff, kaeya childhood friend bless his soul, soulmate au - colour, genshin oc, reader is from somewhere other than Monstadt, implied JeanLisa

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The world had always been shades of grey for him, it had been like that for his parents too, and his brother as well. Of course to others outside of his family it meant soulmates, but the Ambros clan never did particularly follow the rules of average mortals. So he was always raised to embrace this blessing, that someday somebody would give him the favour of colour.

But then his parents were murdered, his brother stolen away, his beautiful face marred, and the world was still shades of grey, black, and white, and he knew the blood on his hands was crimson but it just looked like black ooze as he slaughtered the guilty, the innocent, and the monstrous. There was no differing colour, there was only black blood and anger.

Ohm hid his crimes as he grew up, as he signed his life away with a contract and a promise to stop the slaughter. He learned who to kill and who to spare, he learned of different paths and different meanings to life. But still no colour. Life was the same for him, day in, day out. Heal people, see who were medically fit to be a knight, occasionally break into Snezhnaya and kill some Fatui.

Of course, that all changed when he ran into a charming adventurer from out of town, literally ran into.

You fell on your ass when a tall man with an odd choice of clothing ran into you. When you opened your eyes again you were surprised. Surprised to see the colour. The man stopped, stepping backwards and in front of you once more. His hair was long and a pale purple of some kind, his eyes a dull shade of pink. He was gorgeous, even with the scars and markings that littered his visible skin.

“I apologise, Ohm Ambros.” Ohm held his hand out, a bashful smile spreading on his features as he urged you to take his gloved hand. You took his hand and with an incredible show of strength he pulled you to your feet with very little effort on your part. “I’m actually late for work, meet me at the Knights of Favonius HQ whenever you’re free.” He released your hand and just like that, the man that brought colour to your world was gone in the crowds of Mondstadt.

Ohm threw open the door to Kaeya’s office, startling the cavalry captain who spilled his inkwell onto his parchment. The navy haired captain groaned as he began to clean up the mess with a rag he had within his desk. Ohm slammed the door shut and sat down on one of the chairs in front of the desk. “Your hair is so blue. Your skin is such a nice shade. Oh archons.” Ohm sank further down.

Kaeya’s eye went wide, hand stilling in the air, he almost dropped the inkwell again. “You met them?! What are they like?” All care out the window Kaeya threw the inkwell down, leaning forward with excitement. “I’m so happy you can finally appreciate my true beauty, aren’t I pretty?” Kaeya tossed his hair playfully.

“Very pretty, Captain Kaeya. I have no idea I ran away.”

“I know thank yo- You ran away?” Kaeya cleared his throat to try and stop his laugh but the action was in vain as Ohm’s face turned a generous shade of red. Kaeya covered his mouth as he laughed, looking away from the pitiful medical captain who was almost on the floor he had sunk so far down the chair.

“They were breathtaking,” he started as he began to describe you to the cavalry captain. Kaeya eagerly nodded along, cheeks warm from laughing, but stomach warm from seeing his friend happy, his lilac eyes darting around the room as he took in the colours. Kaeya and Ohm had spent many moons sitting in different areas with the former describing how certain colours looked, so his ability to attribute colour despite not seeing it, was incredible, to say the least.

“Kaeya have you seen- Oh there you are. Have you finished the recruit assessments?” Jean questioned, leaning into the room but still mostly blocked by the doorway.

“Oh you’re so much more beautiful in colour wow. Is everybody we work with like this?”

“For the most part, but you should see Miss Lisa.” Kaeya sat back in his chair, grin on his face as he watched Jean’s face twist into confusion before realisation. Once more his office door hit the wall with a bang as Jean threw herself into the room. She wrapped her arms around Ohm in an awkward back hug over the chair.

“Congratulations! Who are they? Do we know them? Are they nice? They aren’t Fatui are they? I’m so happy for you. When Lisa and I first touched it was the most mesmerising moment of my life.”

Ohm lifted his hands, placing them on Jean’s forearms. “I don’t know, I don’t know! I was running late so I told them to meet me here later. I finished the recruit assessments last night, they’re on my desk. Let’s go to my office.” Jean let go and stepped back so Ohm could stand up. The two left the office and Kaeya returned to cleaning his desk.

The guards outside eyed you suspiciously as you headed up the stairs of the headquarters, being an outsider and all. But as a member of the adventurers’ guild, your clothing at least led them to letting you pass. “Hi, can you help me find somebody?” You asked the man standing guard near the staircase of the grand entrance. “He said his name was Ohm Ambros?”

He saluted diligently before nodding his head. “Medical Captain Ambros should be in his laboratory.” Captain- Your soulmate was a captain with the Knights of Favonius? “Do you need me to show you the way?” You nodded your head. “Follow me this way please.” The knight led you up the stairs and you followed close behind him. Down a hallway with multiple doors, towards the end the doors stopped until there were only two, one on each side. The largest rooms, supposedly.

The knight left and you smoothed out your clothing before knocking on the door. “Come in!” A voice called and you opened the door. Ohm was sitting on the wooden desk against the wall halfway in the room, there was a man with ashy blond hair sitting in the chair. Ohm lit up when his eyes fell on you and he pushed himself off of the desk, rising to his full height. “Ah, that’s your cue to leave, Albedo.”

“I was not done with my questioning, though.” Albedo tilted his head upwards at Ohm, the softest of frowns tugging his lips downwards. You shifted from one foot to the other but stepped further into the room nonetheless, closing the large wooden door behind you. “So back to it, the world is just black and white until you meet your soulmate? Why?”

“I don’t know why, Albedo, go ask Kaeya he probably knows something. I seem to be apologising every time we meet but here we go again, I apologise. My fellow captain is unfortunately curious.” Ohm sent a glare at Albedo who tilted his head to the side, damn him for being socially inept. “Lock the door behind you, alchemist.” Ohm walked towards you, Albedo spun in the chair, eyes wide at the fact Ohm was just leaving.

“Well then, where are you going to be taking me, Captain?”

“Already paying for dinner and I don’t even have your name, soulmates truly are a sham.” He teased with a wink. When you gave him your name he tested it on his tongue a few times. “Pretty, let’s go before Albedo starts asking more questions.” Ohm opened the door for you and the cold that radiated off of his body as he stepped into the hall behind you was pleasant. He held his elbow out to you and you slipped your arm in his.

“So tell me about yourself, I wish to know everything.” Ohm’s voice was smooth, and listening to him talk washed away any hesitation you may have had regarding soulmates. And so you started with the basics as he led you away from the headquarters and through the lovely city of Mondstadt. He listened intently, as if every word you spoke would be committed to his memory, and perhaps it would be. Occasionally he’d hum and interject with a comment or two, always related to the topic at hand.

You barely noticed the way he never spoke of himself, expertly flowing the conversation back to you or the food or how he liked things sweet, like you. He says with a charming smile and the faintest hint of a light in his eyes. His hands are cold to touch, he is cold to touch, but there is nothing more comforting than the insistent smell of mint and the chilly air and the vast amount of colours you could see because of him.

Ohm whispered the name of colours and shades, recounting the stories told to him by Kaeya, or by his parents. He says his favourite colour is the shade of your eyes and how he wants nothing more than to bask in the colour of you. Clumsy and new, Ohm is doing his best. His debt and past will catch up with him, but not now, not when he’s watching the way your eyes light up at all the colours.

#Ohm x reader #Ohm Ambros #Lane's ocs #Lane Writes #asks #anonymous #im SCREAMING #i have so much content 4 them

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commander-hanji-zoe · 4 years ago

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Hii! I just read the Mike squirting headcanons and I gotta say, I fell in love. You wrote him so preciously 😩🤧💕 I was wondering whether, if you're fine with it, I could request one for Levi? 👀 But more sensitive reader who squirts often

Hey, ahhh I’m so glad you enjoyed the fic with Mike, I had a lot of fun writing it. I’ve written the below for you in relation to Levi. It starts off as more of a general musing/headcanons and then goes into a specific ‘event’ although I don’t go into as much nsfw detail. I wanted to write something with a different tone. Hope you enjoy! 💕

It’s a feeling that’s still relatively new to you and one that you can’t put into words. Outside of the bedroom it’s never spoken about and even with Levi you don’t really talk about it, it just is.

“Tch, disgusting.” And “Dirty girl”, Are the kinds of phrases that you’ve gotten used to in the bedroom. Levi it appeared, had a certain kind of hold over you like no one else you’d ever been with.

There was something in the way he worked his fingers, in the angle he worked…Something about him which made it difficult not to squirt when you came and it was almost always incredibly messy.

A part of you wondered and suspected Levi too wondered, whether it was because his passion for cleanliness and cleaning. It added an extra layer to the time you spent in bed together which was always intimate, erotic, a secret just the two of you held. Knowing how much Levi hated the mess though was a turn on, it got you off and perhaps you could even associate the word Schadenfreude with it.

When Levi told you not to cum, you almost certainly would within seconds and if he ordered you not to squirt, well, the bedsheets would be soaked afterwards. It turned out that around Levi you were rather a little too sensitive in that area and he was fond of teasing you about it which turned out to be a pleasant surprise.

The funny thing was that despite his cleanliness, he too appeared to have a kink for and get a kick out of making a mess in bed with you. To him it reminded him of his youth, not that that was cause to celebrate, from what you understood those years were difficult. But rather in bed with you, making your squirm and scream and mess yourself like that was one of the few moments he could comfortably let his guard down.

He didn’t have to be humanity’s strongest when he was in bed with you, he didn’t have to be perfect and spotlessly clean or feared. He could simply be human with an emphasis on the part of us which remains a little animalistic.

You’d always been somewhat sensitive when it came to being intimate with others or even yourself at times. Your body could react in unpredictable ways and over-stimulation was often a no-go because it was just too much to handle. Levi always respected your boundaries and so was careful not to do anything that would make you feel uncomfortable.

But he had the touch. ‘The touch’ was how you described it to others, it was the way he touched you, the way he used his fingers, the technique… It was all so different to what you’d experienced before. With Levi it was like you had an invisible button that even you didn’t quite know where it was but Levi knew exactly how to find it and when to push it.

Shaking, sweating, crying tears of pleasure, writhing around on the bed…all things you’d become more accustomed to since dating Levi.

He loved turning you on and transforming you into that state, he loved to watch your face contort as you reached orgasm and then there was this noise he’d make when you squirted. Kind of relief, joy, pleasure of his own marred with a little disgust, whether in you or himself for getting such a kick out of something so dirty, you weren’t entirely sure. He would rarely make himself climax before he made you cum, his restraint was nothing like you could have imagined. But if you were able to keep your eyes open and watch his cock when you reached orgasm you’d noticed as you squirted his own cock would bob and twitch in approval.

Sometimes Levi would put down sheets he’d bought so not to ruin the bedding and keep things as clean as he could. Sometimes you’d head to the bathroom so you could make as much mess as possible without it being difficult to tidy up.

But sometimes, on a very rare occasion when you got Levi in just the right mood he would like the mess. He wanted the sheets dirtied, wanted to have to clean up, sometimes before you have sex, sometimes before he’d cum. His cock would remain hard as he cleaned up, his erection straining painfully against his boxers, or occasionally he’d be naked and you’d see how tall his cock stood up against his stomach. Sometimes he wanted to be squirted on, liked it in his hair, over his chest, spraying onto his cock. He loved to lap at your pussy as you cum so he could drink down your juices and lick you clean when you were done, soft and gentle so you didn’t scream out.

One particular recent instance of bedroom antics though was, well, a little bit different to usual, more intense and extreme in a way you previously wouldn’t have thought possible. What happened was…

You and Levi had been apart for a few weeks, it was rare that you were separated for so long but your reunion was always a passionate one. This time had been no different, when Levi arrived home he had the same wild look in his eyes as he always did. The mixture of longing and relief to be with you again, the look that said I love you but also that he couldn’t wait to devour you.

By the time he had you on the bed you were begging for mercy, just an ounce of mercy and for him to make you cum.

“I’ll let you fuck me as many times as you want,” you begged, “Any position…” You paused for a moment. The desperate tone of your voice and the way you looked at him, yes, you had Levi’s full attention. “Any hole…” You continued. Levi smirked, it was a type of cold smirk yet not one that felt unloving. Just he knew he had you exactly where he wanted you.

“Really?” He raised an eyebrow. “Well that is an interesting proposition,” he chuckled and held down one of your hands at the wrist next to your head.

Looking up at him as he straddled you really was one of the best views in the world.

“Tell me y/n have you touched yourself since I’ve been gone?”

You bit your lip, Levi already knew the answer before you opened your mouth. He bent down and kissed you, the sensations that ran through your body reminded you of the first time you kissed. It was late November and had felt practically forbidden, you kissed in the rain not caring if your clothes were soaked.

Now when Levi kissed you it brought back all those emotions which surged the first time you slept together. You shifted underneath him, rolling your hips upwards in a vain attempt to bring some relief. Touch starved didn’t begin to describe how you felt.

“What do I always say?” Levi asked.

“Patience is a virtue”

“Yes, and it’s one that’s well rewarded.” Levi nipped at your neck unexpectedly making you moan out, patience was so damn hard when you were with him.

The first time you squirted that evening was as standard. Both naked, you laid on your back, head propped up to make it easier to look down and watch Levi work between your legs. As always his kisses down your body were as sweet as they were torture, his fingers tracing your skin, lips occasionally pinching you and sucking at particular sensitive spots.

As soon as he slipped a finger inside you you let out a sigh, as wet as you were you knew Levi would slip a second finger and a third before long all while his thumb gently rubbed and circled your clit. He enjoyed taking it slow for a long time, drawn out movements and touch as light as a feather as he bent down and kissed between your thighs. With Levi it was all about the slow burn, he loved to build you up, tease you and get you close to orgasm before removing his fingers completely and stroking your thighs for a moment leaving you squirming and panting.

But in the end you always knew Levi would give you what you wanted, after-all he craved it too and you suspected he secretly hoped you would squirt every time.

After being apart for so long this time was no exception. As Levi started to pump his fingers into you faster, his thumb brushing your clit and applying just the right amount of pressure, he looked up at you and that steel cold stare….The intensity of the moment meant you were unable to hold back any longer.

“Cum for me baby,” Levi instructed as he curled his fingers inside you.

Your body shuddered as you came, the orgasm rippling through your body and a moment after the first wave you squirted over Levi’s fingers and the bed.

As your heart rate started to slow Levi climbed on top of you, often he would clean up the mess before you continued for round two but this time it was clear how much he needed to be inside you.

Despite all the previous self-control Levi had once he was on top of you he let himself go.

The restraint, all pretence…everything was gone, the veil lifted as Levi moved inside of you. His hands touching you, one cupping your cheek and sliding up into your hair. His forehead bowed and touching yours as he climbed towards orgasm.

As your bodies became one you felt a familiar sensation creep up your spine that made you shudder, this was something that hadn’t happened before.

“Levi I….I think i’m going to.”

As he thrust deep inside you he panted, “It’s okay.”

And it really was.

As Levi pulled out and spilt his seed over your stomach you came, squirting as you did so, your juices splashed over his cock and between his thighs.

Levi collapsed onto you, his face pressed into your chest, his arm wrapped round you.

After a few moments Levi mumbled, “I love you…”

There was a lot of cleaning up to do but with Levi back it didn’t matter, you’d deal with that later. As for squirting twice, well the small chuckle that escaped Levi’s lips and the way he nuzzled into you, it was obvious he’d enjoyed it.

#Levi ackerman #nsft #levi x fem!reader #requests

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kirishibi · 4 years ago

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Nights Like These | Kirishima Ejirou

Summary: You’re having a rough night struggling with your anxiety and your long time crush, Kirishima, helps you through it

Pairing: Kirishima Ejirou x Reader

Warnings: pretty vivid and possibly triggering descriptions of the physical symptoms and racing thoughts that come with an anxiety attack, non-established relationship, pining, lots of Kiri comfort, so much fluff, very very mild cursing, spoilers abt Kirishima’s backstory, (y/n)’s pretty shy in this one oops

**this fic has a lottt of comfort and fluff in it after the first quarter, but if descriptions of anxiety are triggering for you please read with caution and skip over bits if needed**

Word Count: 2.8k

a/n: chef actually writing for once??? unheard of. anyway, i was struggling really hard this week, so i wrote some kiri comfort because who doesn’t want this sweet boi to hold ur hand and tell you everything’s gonna be okay when it feels like the world’s falling apart.i legit wrote this while crying bruv if any one of my fics is a window to my soul its this one

It began with that all-too-familiar pit of dread in your stomach, an uncomfortable rush of adrenaline in your upper chest that you desperately tried to force away. Trembling fingertips, wobbling knees, the sudden urge to crawl out of your own skin. All you did was get tongue-tied while chatting with Bakugou and a few of his friends, but your fumbled words wouldn’t stop echoing through your skull, the angry blond’s mocking gaze replaying over and over again in your mind.

You barely made it to your dorm before shards of your shattered confidence gathered to form a lump in your throat, and tears stung at the corners of your eyes. You threw open the door to your room, hastily swung it shut as you entered. As heavy wood slammed into its frame, a jarring bang echoed throughout the hallway outside. You physically cringed, brows knitting together and nose scrunching in disgust at your own actions.

Damn it, you thought to yourself, everyone heard that, and now they’re all pissed at you.

This happened more times than you could count: one minor mistake drudged up what seemed like hundreds of embarrassing memories from your past, and in a matter of minutes you knew you’d wind up a sobbing mess on your bedroom floor, gasping for air, convinced that the only thing you’re truly good at is being a burden.

There was a dam inside your mind; one that held all of your regrets, self-loathing thoughts, and most embarrassing memories. The multitude of cracks in its foundation threatened to give with every little thing you deemed a screw-up, and in that moment, the dam broke.

A half-complete exam sat before you. Your left leg nervously bounced beneath your desk as a pencil twirled between the nimble fingers of your dominant hand. The eraser of your pencil caught on the surface of your desk mid-twirl, causing the utensil to fling from your grasp. It arched through the air and thumped the boy seated in front of you, Ojiro, right between his shoulder blades. No amount of rambled apologies from you, nor sincere ’it’s okay!’s from the kind-hearted blond could stop that moment from searing itself into your memory. Just another reason you should never leave your room again.

Sinking into an unmade bed, you pulled your knees up to your chest. Feeble arms hugged your legs tightly as you desperately tried to shake the unpleasant thoughts from your own brain. “No,” you pleaded with yourself, “no, (Y/n), you’re not doing this again.” Fingernails dug into soft flesh beneath your school uniform’s knee-high socks, a momentary distraction from the sheer panic swelling inside your chest. Forehead pressed against bent knees, you hoped that if you made yourself small enough, maybe you could disappear entirely.

Accidentally interrupting someone during a conversation, tripping over your own feet while walking down the hall, getting anxious speaking to your redheaded crush and forgetting what you wanted to say altogether.

You couldn’t help but gasp for air, the angry burning of your lungs only worsening with every shallow breath as hot tears trailed down the sides of your face. There was no stopping the sobs that pushed past your lips, nor the self loathing thoughts that racked your brain. You pressed your back firmly against the cool drywall beside your bed with the vain hope that the sudden chill may keep you grounded.

Nearly spitting out your tea as Kaminari cracked a joke during lunch, not realizing you took someone else’s seat in the common room, bumping into an elderly woman on the train, dropping a handful of textbooks in front of your entire class.

A knock on the door momentarily pulled you from what seemed to be an inescapable frenzy of thoughts. You stumbled to your feet, stole a glance in the mirror beside your bed. Reluctant to allow someone else to see your puffy, red eyes and tear-stained cheeks, you forced yourself to speak up, “uh- uhm,” your voice wavered with every word, but you cleared your throat and continued on, “I-I’m sorry, now isn’t really a good time.”

“Aw,” a familiar voice pouted from the other side, muffled by the wall between you, “well, think ya could let me in anyway?” It was Kirishima, the guy you’d been head-over-heels for since the beginning of your freshman year.

You refused to let him see you so disheveled, couldn’t bear the thought of willingly adding another embarrassing moment to your catalogue of painful memories.

“I’m sorry, I- well,” you wanted to lie, to make up an excuse as to why you couldn’t answer the door, but nothing came to mind. “I just can’t talk right now. Do you need something?”

“Yep! It’s really urgent, can’t wait another second!” He eagerly pleaded, and you just couldn’t find the will to say no.

Hastily drying your wet face with creased sleeves and fixing your hair to the best of your ability, you made your way to the door and cautiously inched it open.

The crimson haired boy stood before you with a box of your favorite candy in his hands and a warm smile on his face. His brows were knit together in concern, tender eyes wholly trained on you. He glanced both ways down the vacant hallway to ensure that no one was within earshot before speaking in a hushed tone, “you didn’t seem like yourself in class today. Like, you were quieter than usual, and then Bakugou was a bit of an ass earlier...“ He nodded to the cardboard container in his hands, “I’ve seen you eat this before and it always seems to put a smile on your face, so I thought maybe it could do the same today too.” His grin faltered for a moment, gaze dropping to the floor as if embarrassed by his own words. “It’s stupid, I know, but I had to do somethin’!”

Despite your best efforts, the happy facade you’d forced on for Kirishima fell, and your eyes welled with tears once again. Your bottom lip trembled as you tried to swallow the lump crawling up your throat. His gaze shifted from the floor, back up to meet yours, and he nearly dropped the container in his hands at the sight of you so close to crying.

Without a second thought, he threw his arms around your shoulders in a tight hug, “What’s wrong, (Y/n)?” His voice filled with worry, further breaking your heart, “Did I get the wrong kind of candy?”

“N-no,” you whimpered into his shoulder, unable to finish before the words caught in your mouth and tears wet the thin cotton of his shirt . Your arms wrapped around his waist, unconsciously reciprocating his hug. His warmth reminded you of just how long it had been since you’d let someone be so close. Your knees buckled under the weight of your own grief, and before you knew it, Kirishima was scooping you up into his strong arms. He carried you to the comfort of your bed, kicking the door closed as he passed.

“I knew you weren’t okay,” he muttered into your ear, tone much softer than you were used to from the boisterous man. He carefully set you down on your plush mattress, grabbed the nearest blanket and wrapped it around your shoulders, then knelt on the floor before you.

“I’m f-fine,” you forced out, trying to steady your voice but failing horribly, “You can go if you wa-want. I don't want to-”

Kirishima silenced you with a tender palm rested atop your own. “I’m not leaving you, (Y/n). Whatever’s going on, I care about you too much to make you deal with it alone.”

Up until then, you had made it a point to keep your anxiety hidden from your peers. You worried that they would treat you differently if they knew, that they wouldn’t quite understand. But, something about Kirishima told you that he was different, that nothing would change if you opened up to him. Regardless of your fears, the look in his eyes and tender cadence of his voice made you feel safe, like it was okay to be vulnerable.

“I,” your eyes flicked from your lap to meet his worried gaze, “I can’t help but remember everything I’ve done wrong over the years and just hate myself. I hate every mistake, every failure, every moment I did something dumb and didn’t know how to fix it.” Your stomach clenched as yet another sob forced its way past your lips. “I have so many regrets, and I constantly feel like an awful person because of them.”

A calloused thumb brushed along your upper cheek, wiping away the tracks of fallen tears. He nodded along as you vented, as if he understood exactly where you were coming from. Then, when you went silent, he waited for a few beats to ensure you were entirely finished speaking before responding. “I’m sure it doesn’t seem like it, but I used to be someone I’m not proud of either, and, honestly? Sometimes I still don’t like the person I see in the mirror.” He paused for a moment, lips pulled in a thin, contemplative line before continuing, “can you keep a secret?”

You nodded, surprised and mildly confused by his words. Could someone as confident and lovable as Kirishima really struggle with the same anxieties that you did?

He chuckled at the quizzical look you gave him, took a deep breath to steady his own nerves. “So, I actually didn’t look like this back in middle school -- hold up, I think I actually have a picture.” Five fingers flexed around your own, holding you close as his free hand fished into his pants pocket and pulled out a red-cased phone. Within a few seconds, ruby eyes were locked with your own once again, a shy smile pulling at the corners of his lips. “Promise not to laugh?”

The redhead’s grin was infectious, and you couldn’t help but smile with him. Your worries hadn’t been entirely forgotten, but with every word spoken between you, every passing second with his fingers entwined with your own, a subtle calm began to wash over you. “I’ll try not to,” you responded. That seemed good enough for him, and with only a short moment of hesitation, Kirishima turned the phone’s screen toward you to reveal a photo of himself from a few years before.

Long, black hair framed a round face, slender shoulders slumped and eyes downcast as he stood alone in the courtyard of what you assumed to be his old middle school. Your head cocked to the side, brows furrowed in disbelief as you looked from the photo to the person in front of you. For a moment, you thought he must have been kidding. The muscular, seemingly self-assured man that knelt before you didn’t resemble the boy on his phone in the slightest. “You’re serious? That was you?”

He nodded, clearly amused by your reaction. You wanted to ask what changed, how he pulled such a total one-eighty, but couldn’t find a way to without sounding rude.

He seemed to read your mind, though, and answered your question without hesitation. “I realized that I didn’t like the person I was, and vowed to be better.” He powered off the device in his hand and tossed it aside, attention entirely back to you, thumb unconsciously caressing the back of your hand as he continued. “I’m not telling you this because I think you need to change. Frankly,” his eyes darted to the floor, voice lowering nearly to a whisper, “I, uh, I really like the person you are now.” He cleared his throat, a pink tinge dusting his cheeks as his gaze flicked back up to meet yours. “I’m telling you this because, like I said before, I’m like you in a way. I can’t help but cringe when I remember the way I used to be, and I still worry sometimes that I haven’t actually changed that much.”

“But you have. I mean, you’re a completely different person now.”

“Exactly. Here’s what I’ve learned: if you cringe at something you did in the past, that’s probably because you’ve matured enough to know you were being dumb back then. Being able to look at your past self and recognize your mistakes means you aren’t that person anymore.” His other hand moved to rest atop your knee, as if he wanted to hold you closer but found himself hesitant.

You felt a weight lift from your shoulders at his words, yet still one question continued to gnaw at the back of your mind. “But, what if I’m beating myself up something I did recently… like,” your voice lowered in embarrassment, “when I a-accidentally threw that pencil at Ojiro, for example…”

“I promise, you’re the only one who even remembers that.” Kirishima chuckled softly, “you’re sweet for worrying about those little things, but no one worth knowing is gonna judge you off small mistakes. I know how great you are, and so does everyone else in our class. You light up every room you walk into, I swear. It’s like you’ve got a second quirk or somethin’.” You giggled, and his smile only grew wider. “I mean it! How could anyone not fall in love with that laugh?” The boy’s face turned bright red, eyes widening in realization at what he had said, grip tightening around your own. “Shit, I mean- well-” he cut himself off, sharp teeth nervously nibbling on his bottom lip.

His words resonated with you, filled the anxious pit in your stomach with warm butterflies and heated your cheeks with a rosey blush. Still, you convinced yourself he was only embarrassed because his words had come out in a different way than he had meant them. There was no way he actually had feelings for you, you thought. He was clearly just being nice. “I-It’s okay, I know you don’t like me like that. You’re way out of my league, anyway.” You forced a nervous laugh, attempting to comfort him through words that burned as they passed your lips.

You thought he’d relax at what you had said, agree with your comment, and thank you for understanding. Instead, he rose to his feet, a look of bewilderment in his eyes as he pulled you up to stand with him. “Do you really think that?” He questioned, expression twisted in disbelief, hurt by your self-deprecating words. His hands gripped yours tightly as you stood only inches from one another. Heat radiated off of his tan skin, shielding you from the chilly air of your room and prickling your arms with goosebumps.

“Sorry to break it to ya, but you couldn’t be more wrong.” Kirishima lightly tugged you closer, closed the distance between your bodies without a second thought. You allowed your chest to press against his, listening carefully as he continued, “I was afraid of making you uncomfortable or scaring you off, so I didn’t say anything before. But, if that’s really what you think, I’ve gotta set you straight. Truth is, I’m absolutely crazy for you, (Y/n). I mean, you’re cute, and sweet, and witty -- It’s impossible to take my eyes off of you whenever we’re in a room together, and just hearing your voice makes me feel warm all over.”

Calloused fingers released one of your hands, traveled up to caress a now-dry cheek. He cracked another sharp-toothed grin at the realization that you were no longer crying. “Can you do me a favor and tell me next time you start to feel all anxious and stuff again? Regardless of if you like me back, I just want to be there for you, whatever you need. It’s not very manly to fall for a girl, then leave her hangin’ when she needs ya the most.”

An eager nod in agreement was all you could manage for a long moment as you stood entirely awestruck by his confession. All you wanted was to find your voice, to tell him how much his efforts meant to you, but the words refused to come.

So, you did the next best thing.

The box of candies he had brought as a pick-me-up laid forgotten on your bed as tentative fingers gripped Kirishima’s broad shoulders and you rose onto your tiptoes. Without allowing yourself time for hesitation, you pressed pursed lips to a flushed-pink cheek. It wasn’t a large gesture, but in that moment it felt perfect.

You’d never seen Ejirou smile as wide as he did in that moment, strong hands firmly gripping your waist as you pulled away -- as if to make sure that you wouldn’t stray too far from his grasp. “That settles it then! Tomorrow I’m asking you out properly -- with flowers, and chocolates, and way more than just one box of your favorite sweets… but you gotta promise me one thing.”

“What’s that?”

“That we’ll take care of one another. I’ll never judge you, hurt you, or belittle whatever you’re struggling with, as long as you promise the same to me, okay? From now on ‘til the end of time, I’ve got your back unconditionally, and you’ve got mine. Promise?”

“Promise.”

#kirishima ejirou #no beta we die like men #kirishima #kirishima bnha #kirishima fluff #kirishima x reader #ejirou kirishima x reader #hurt/comfort #anxiety help #kiri writes #trigger warning: anxiety #fluff #bnha fluff #kiri gives good advice from my therapist #anyway #pls forgive me if this isnt that good #its been months since ive written a full fic #lub u be good to urself #its 4 am forgive me for typos and goodnight

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nicka-nell · 4 years ago

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Fantasy-[AU]: Just a dream

☾ Pairing: Sawamura Daichi x reader ☾ Warning: fluff, slightly angst, mention of blood ☾ Genre: Fantasy-[AU] Werewolf ☾ Words: 3.980 ☾ This fic is part of a server collab. The masterlist can be found here

Summary: Vampires and werewolves don’t exist. But what would you do if you had a beast standing in front of you, with fangs as big as your hand? Will you believe your eyes, realize that these creatures exist and live among you? Or is it all just a dream that will give you a restless night? You have to decide.

“Damn it!” you curse loudly, realizing that you’ve overslept. In the moment, you jump out of bed, put your shoe on and throw your bag around your shoulder to run to school. On the way you try to eat your bread before you arrive at the schoolyard.

Miki your friend, wrote to you this morning that you are in another class today because your teacher is sick. Where was that again? You ask yourself absent-mindededly while searching for your phone in your pocket.

Just as you get your hands on a small, thin, square object, trying to fish it out, you feel yourself running into a person and losing your balance. You land on the floor, the contents of your bag spilling out.

“Ouch…” you mumble to yourself, rubbing your forehead. Feeling like you’ve run into a tree instead of a person, you raise your head apologetically and look up.

“Oh God, I’m really so sorry! I wasn’t paying attention!” you try to apologize, back straightening up to look up when the man in front of you turns around and looks at you with a smile as beautiful as the sun's rays.

“It’s okay, it can happen to anyone. Are you alright? Did you hurt yourself?” He asks you smiling, as he reaches out his hand to help you regain your footing. “Y...Yeah, I’m all right.” you stutter and scratch the back of your head. For a moment he looks at you with his head tilted to the side before he laughs.

Irritated, you look up at him with a puzzled expression. “You must have overslept?” He asks, embarrassment evident on your face, and before you can ask him how he knows, he keeps talking.

“May I?” He adds and raises his hand up to your cheek. Yet gently strokes your cheek with his thumb and dislodging the remnants of your breakfast. Oh no, how embarrassing, you think and feel your face getting warmer.

“Wait, I’ll help you pick up your stuff.” he says quietly and squats down. Nervously you move your hands back and forth, wanting him to stand back up. He chuckles kindly and picks up the books that fell out of your bag one by one.

You too squat down to quickly take the books from his hand and then pick up the little things, such as your pencil case and your key.

Sighing, you stand up and for a few seconds, you look at each other in silence. You don’t know why, but somehow you feel warm and you think your pulse has gone up a bit.

You’re sure the man in front of you is barely older than you, yet you’ve never seen him here before. “You're new here?” you blurt out, breaking the silence.

“No, I’ve been here since my first year of high school, and I’m now in my last year before the next trip goes on. I’m in Block A1. If you’re in another block, then we probably just haven’t crossed paths yet.” Embarrassed, he scratches the back of his head and squeezes his eyes shut.

So he’s in Block A. No wonder you’ve never seen him. “Block A? Wow, it’s just the elite students in there, isn’t it? I’m in Block D. Your classes are time-shifted to ours, right?” Curious and enthusiastic, you look at him with big eyes.

“Yes that’s right. Our class starts an hour later than yours.” he answers a little surprised that you know so much about the A block. “But speaking of class, don’t you have to go to class now?” he adds as he looks at his cell phone.

“Damn!” Lessons have already started and you don’t even know which class you have to go to. “I am so sorry! I really have to go. It was nice to meet you, student from Block A. Maybe I’ll see you again, or maybe not because you have a different schedule. Anyway, thank you again!”

Chaotically, the words come out of your mouth when you say goodbye to him with a wave, before wandering off to find your class.

He chuckles when he looks after you as you move clumsily back and forth as a small sparkling silver object catches his attention. It’s a thin bracelet with a small round object in the middle, it looks almost like a moon.

“Hey wait! You lost something!” He’s trying to call you, but you’re already gone. Once in your class, you just can’t get that friendly face out of your head. You’d love to know who this man from Block A is. But you should probably erase him from your mind, because he shouldn’t have crossed your path. After all, he belongs to the elite.

However, you can’t focus on the lessons all the time, and you don’t notice that your bracelet is missing eather.

The loud ringing of the school bell can be heard when you pack your bag and finally leave the classroom.

Outside the hall is filled with students, jostling each other to get towards the exit with their black uniforms, wanting to enjoy their afternoon off. You too want to get out in the fresh air, when your legs come to a halt, hearing your name called.

Looking at who called you, you turn around with big eyes.The student from Block A. You just want to ask him what he is doing here, since he would actually still have lessons now, but he answers the question before you can ask it.

“I snuck out of the classroom… You lost your bracelet earlier, and when I tried to give it back to you, you weren’t there anymore.” The corners of his mouth go up as he stretches out his hand and puts the little silver object in yours.

Although his smile is warm like a beautiful summer day, his hand is cold like snow. “T-Thank you!” You stutter and look up at him; his hazelnut eyes put a spell on you and you fall silent again.

“You don’t have to thank me for that.” Like this morning, his words are just pleasant. But he may have gotten himself into trouble with his actions earlier. “How can I thank you? You snuck out of class because of me.” Embarrassed, you fold your hands together.

In the hallway are no more students, no chattering, no laughing, just you two and the silence.

“You could tell me your name.”, “L/n Y/n!” it comes out of you quickly. Frightened by yourself, you put your hands in front of your mouth and look to the side, but the man in front of you puts his hands on your wrists and presses them down softly.

Just a few seconds later, you feel his index finger grazing your chin and making you look at him with little pressure. “That’s a really pretty name. It suits you. I’m Sawamura Daichi, by the way.”

Normally, you’d give every man a slap if he gets this close to you, but it’s different with him. Again, you feel yourself getting warmer and you just can’t look away from his shining eyes.

“Are you free tonight?” Hesitantly, these words come out of him. The only thing your body allows you to do is nod.

“Then I’ll pick you up at the park at six?” For a brief moment, you feel relief in his voice as he takes a step back and looks out the window. Again, you nod as your conversation is interrupted by a creaking door.

“Oh damn, I have to go back to my class. See you tonight L/n Y/n!” His cold hand finds its way to your shoulder as he whispers the words to you quietly and quickly disappears in a walkway.

“See you tonight… Sawamura Daichi…” You whisper softly to yourself as you bring the bracelet to your chest.

The clatter of the hangers echoes loudly through your room as you try to put together the perfect outfit for tonight. You don’t really know Sawamura yet, but you still want to look pretty for him. Maybe it’s best if you just put on your favorite outfit, because that’s where you feel most comfortable.

With a quick look outside, you make sure what the weather is like. The windows are slightly fogged at the edges, and although it is just about to get dark, the moon shines in all its glory. Large and bright is the celestial body, so large that you can almost see the craters with the bare eye.

In the end, you decide to put on a coat and lock the door behind you. Excitement spreads in your body as you step closer to the park. Does Sawamura see this as a date, or had he just invited you on a date out of pity?

After all, he is an elite student and in his class are certainly other beauties, which he could easily wrap around his finger.

Through a flower-filled archway, you enter the park. The white moon stands out from the black sky. In the park there are few people yet, hardly anyone talks, everything is quiet. Only the rustle of the leaves, and the beautiful sound of a nightingale echoes through the park.

Your anticipation is so great that your hands start to tremble and your heartbeat rings up to your ears. As agreed with Sawamura, you wait for him in the middle of the park, on a bench lit by a small yellowish lantern.

Time goes by, the people who have filled the almost empty park with a little bit of life, pass by you one by one and find their way out. The second time, you hear the bell of the bell tower, which near the park reminds everyone that it is already eight o'clock in the evening.

Your hands are still shaking, not with joy, but with cold.

Another hour, you wait for Sawamura. In vain, because you can sense he’s not coming anymore. Probably, it was all just a stupid joke from him and he’s sitting at home in the warm and looking out the window just to make fun of your stupidity.

Depressed, you get up and find your way to the exit. To change your mood to something else, you kick a rock the way to your home. You do this until you arrive in the small forest, which is really frightening for you at night.

One last time you kick the stone with a lot of power into the forest and watch it roll. But it does not manage to roll until the end, yet it is stopped by a shoe.

Frightened, you turn your gaze away from the small round object and look upwards to a large, powerfully built man with black hair and a nasty smirk. His hands are relaxed in his coat pockets and as you step back, he slowly comes towards you.

Several times you blink and even rub your eyes, You can’t believe what is in front of you. Because the eyes of the man are not normal, instead they glow blood red.

“Oi, Oi sweet little kitten. Where are you trying to go?” His wet breath is felt on your neck when you turn around full of fear. How is it possible that this man who was standing in front of you earlier is behind you now?

“What? How? That’s impossible! Who... What are you?” With your words you lose your voice and reflexively try to run away from the man. But you can’t do it, because his arm has already wrapped around your waist and your body lands with force against his chest.

“Are you telling me you don’t know who I am? Maybe this will help your memory.” Grinning, he brushes your hair behind your shoulder and exposes your neck.

“Let go of me, you disgusting pervert!” You shout and try to kick him, but your body freezes to ice as you see what’s behind his grin. Pointed fangs that shine in the moonlight.

“That’s impossible…” Silently your lips shape these words as your eyes fill with warm tears. There are no such things as vampires, so what’s happening here?

“Ah, ah… Why do you look so sad? You know, I saw you with one of those disgusting dogs today. What’s a pretty woman like you doing with a mangy mutt?” What is this man talking about? You wonder in confusion.

You’re still trying to tear yourself away from him, but he’s just too strong for you. “Huh? You don’t want to answer me, then we stop the small talk and I can start drinking your sweet blood…”

Bored, he shrugs his shoulders and while you can only give a desperate “No!”, you can already feel his cold teeth slowly landing on your skin. Tears flow down your cheek as you squint your eyes and wait for all this to disappear as if it was a bad dream.

As if someone heard you, the teeth that wanted to pierce your flesh are no longer on your neck, and his grip on your waist is now gone.

A loud roaring is heard and in the blink of an eye, you see how the large, powerfully built man is torn away and pushed to the ground by a huge being. A wolf… No, it’s way too big for a wolf. If that man over there is a vampire, is that a werewolf? This can only be a bad dream.

These two figures fight against each other and shed much blood. This animal, which has pulled the man away from you, bleeds heavily and breathes hard. But the Vampire-like man is not doing well either. He has open wounds and in the end decides to take the form of a bat and fly past your head.

“Ah!” you scream, stumbling backwards, and land on your butt. That scream makes that wolf take notice and turn in your direction.

Breathing heavily, the being stands before you, the mouth wide, large sharp teeth, the paws huge, so big that they could cut down a tree. And the eyes amber, friendly, loving and beautiful. Eyes you’ve seen before.

“Daichi?” You whisper softly and reach out your hand to the face of the beast. On your touch, the animal makes an excruciating sound and looks at you one last time before it disappears. You’re sure it must be Sawamura.

“Daichi!” Your voice is loud in the forest when you call his name another time and get up to follow the blood traces.

Needle foliage beneath your feet feathers your footsteps. The only thing left to hear now are a few branches breaking in two under your shoe. Trembling, you stop at a tree, hands on the rough, damp tree bark.

You breathe deep, as you hear a murmur not far from you. The noises are getting louder as you discover a small hut and walk towards it with hesitant steps.

The roof of the hut is already full of holes. The wooden paneling moldy and windows smashed or completely missing. There’s a huge hole in the wall, where there used to be a door.

Your whole body is still shaking and even though your head tells you there may be danger in the hut, your body feels drawn there. “Daichi?” You whisper so softly that you hardly understand it yourself.

“Daichi?” Even if your voice now resounds loudly through the musty air, you can hear the fear in it. “G- Go… a- away.” Tormented, breathing heavily and very slowly, his words come to you from a back corner.

This is definitely Sawamura’s voice, you think, as your steps get faster and find their way to him. You squeeze your eyes together and try to get used to the darkness to see the person or the thing in front of you.

It won’t take long before you can recognize him. Sawamura, not that beast... that wolf a few minutes ago.

Ashamed he looks aside, his hand on his wound on his belly. But when you call his name again and carefully bend over to him, he turns his gaze on you. His beautiful brown eyes, looking for the attention of yours.

Reflexively, you want to stretch your hands forward, take care of his wound. But his piercing, warning voice makes you stop in your movement.

“No! Leave that Y/n! Don’t touch me! Go away! Leave me alone!” Groaning, he’s trying to move away from you. “Your blood... It attracts me.” he adds with heavy breath. But you don’t let his words stop you and take off your jacket to press it against his wound.

You don’t care if he hurts you, because you can’t just leave him here in a moldy hut. “We have to get you up, you need a doctor or you’re gonna bleed out Daichi.” You sniff anxiously and press the now damp fabric of your jacket even harder against his belly.

Your hands are cold, they tremble with worry, but your eyes fill with a warm liquid that slowly runs down your cheeks. “Hey, please stop crying Y/n.” Sawamura tries to calm you down with a suddenly so peaceful voice.

His cool hand rests on yours and tries to suppress their trembling. Suddenly you look from the wound up into his eyes. Why is he so quiet? Is he about to die?

“Sawa-” You try to say, but Sawamura interrupts you shaking his head with his index finger on his mouth. You quickly fall silent and look at him for a moment.

It is so quiet that you would probably even hear the falling dust as soon as it hit the ground.

“Put your coat away,” he says quietly and gently raises your hand away from his body. “Look, it’s almost all right.” He adds to his sentence and raises his shirt a little bit up so you can see the wound. Or at least what’s left of it. Because where the thick red color came out earlier, there is now only a scar to be seen. No blood, no wound.

“Sawa- what? How is that possible? You bled so much earlier.” You mumble to yourself in disbelief as you dodge to the back. “You have seen my true form. You have seen that I am not a real man, that I am a beast.” He stands up and reaches out his hand to help you up.

“Werewolves have a very good healing power, but more importantly, why did you come here? Why did you follow me? Please don’t be so wide-eyed, I could have hurt you.” He puts his hands on your shoulders and makes you look at him.

Werewolves? Vampires? Healing powers? What is going on? You have so many questions and so much you don’t understand, but the only question that comes out of you is why Sawamura stood you up.

His hands slide down your shoulders with his mouth open. “I’m sorry, I forgot there’s a full moon today. I’ve been standing by the window watching you. I must say, it hurt in my chest to see you sitting so sad on the bench. But I couldn’t risk you seeing me as such an ugly creature... hurting you. But when you went out of the park and wanted to go into the woods, I had taken the smell of a vampire. I was just playing it safe and following you because I was afraid he was gonna do something to you. And then when I saw you in the woods with that guy about to drink your blood against your will, I got angry and I had to turn into that thing. I had to protect you. I’m sorry the evening wasn’t as planned.”

Even if he sounds sad, you can’t help laughing. “Sawamura Daichi, you’re a very interesting man. Then let’s set up a new date, and we’ll do it on a day when there’s no full moon. I don’t care if you are a werewolf, a dog or a human. You are you and this person is interesting and loving.”

Smiling, you squeeze his hands and look at him in silence. With a nod, he responds to the pressure and looks at you thankfully. “That sounds good Y/n. Is it okay if I take you home?” He smiles with embarrassment and looks out of the hut, into the sky filled with stars.

“Yes,” it comes out quietly from you, while you leave this musty place with easy steps.

The cold touches your skin and makes you get goose bumps. Sawamura has your coat in his hand because he wanted to take it home and wash it for you. Right now you opt to take your hands and rub your arms warm when the soft cotton fabric of a heavy jacket lands on your shoulders.

Questioningly, you look up at Sawamura, who just looks at you with a loving smile. “I don’t want you to get sick.” He grins, and squeezes the jacket against you even more, as he then lets go of you and only accompanies you home in his T-shirt.

Up to your front door, you two keep silent. Even on your doorstep, neither of you talk. “Please come in, have some tea and warm yourself up before you go home, Daichi. Please…” you’re trying to enjoy his presence for a few more minutes.

First he hesitates, but then accepts your offer gratefully.

However, you do not even make it to the tea. Because you make yourself comfortable on your couch and not even more than a minute has been enough that your eyes have become heavier and you have fallen asleep on Sawamura’s shoulder.

With a sad smile, his fingertips caress your hair. “Good night, Y/n.” he whispers, barely audible, and tries to stand up carefully so as not to wake you. Before your upper body can land on the soft fabric of your couch, Sawamura lifts you up and looks around your apartment for the bedroom.

After he has found it, he turns on the light, still with you in his arms. He lays you down in your bed carefully and as quietly as possible. His jacket, which hangs loosely over your shoulders, falls to the ground and lands on his feet. With a slight growl he lifts it up and sits down next to you.

With his extra weight, the bed creaks but you don’t wake up.

Sad, almost troubled, he looks at you for several minutes as he caresses your cheek. “I’m sorry Y/n, but you have to forget all this. You and I should never have found each other.” He whispers softly and raises his hand, which was lying on your cheek earlier.

Stretched out over your face, he erases all your memories of today.

“Good night Y/n.” He whispers one last time and gives you a loving kiss on the forehead before he gets up.

One last time he looks into your beautiful, peacefully sleeping face as he looks down on his jacket in his hand. He knows he had to erase all your memories, but do you really have to forget him completely?

It’s wrong, but quietly he folds his jacket together and puts it gently on your nightstand, then leaves your bedroom and your apartment.

With a slight headache, you get up and rub your tired eyes.

You had a really weird dream. Even if… the dream felt so real…

“A really weird dream…” You mumble to yourself as your gaze wanders through your room and ends up with a black jacket that seems unknown to you but at the same time also very familiar.

Was it really just a dream?

#haikyuu x reader #daichi x reader #sawamura x reader #hqhq server collab

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jbbarnesnnoble · 5 years ago

Text

Leap Day (Part Two)

Summary: Leap Day is approaching and you have your eye on a guy from accounting. You work in a research capacity with the Avengers, scouring intelligence reports and doing research on localities where missions pop up, which means working closely with Captain America. When you’re overheard talking to Natasha about asking out the guy from accounting on Leap Day, Steve and Bucky go to great lengths to ensure that doesn’t happen.

Features/Warnings: Dark!Stucky. Manipulation; Noncon/Dubcon; smut

Pairing: Steve Rogers/Bucky Barnes/Reader

Notes: This is me dipping my toes in that particular pool. I typically read dark fic, not write it. It is non-con, which I have never written before. Bucky and Steve are manipulative. They are taking what they want. If this is triggering for you skip over this. Please don’t request dark!fic from me. I wrote this mostly as a litmus test for my comfort zone when it comes to writing. We’ll be back to our regularly scheduled non-dark fic later this week!

Word Count: 1543

In the wake of your breakup with Wes, you had sworn off dating. You rationalized that if it was meant to be, it would happen. You spent more time with Steve and Bucky between their missions, seamlessly fitting into their routines. As it was, you were in their apartment, making dinner with Steve while Bucky finished up training new recruits with Sam. It had become a routine you appreciated, especially if it meant you weren’t eating alone. Big dinners with the team didn’t happen often.

You were caught off guard when Steve kissed you. You thought you were passed that. You tried in vain to shove him away. As soon as he pulled away, you moved to duck under the arm that caged you in. Something felt off about the whole thing.

“Where are you going, sweetheart?” he asked, his arms wrapping around you, effectively trapping you, your back against his front. You could feel his cock starting to harden and froze.

“B-bathroom,” you stammered out. He chuckled.

“Want to try that again with a little more honesty?” he asked. You swallowed. A tension filled the room that only worsened when Bucky walked in.

“Starting without me?” Bucky teased before fully taking in the scene. His eyes narrowed at you.

“Leaving so soon, doll? We haven’t even eaten dinner yet. Where are your manners?” Bucky asked.

“I...I have work I need to get done. I forgot to do something,” you lied. You were becoming more uncomfortable by the minute. You thought they had given up on whatever infatuation they’d had with you after you turned them down.

“You know, lying is wrong, doll,” Bucky said, stepping toward where Steve held you. You knew there was no getting away from them.

“I’m not, I’m not lying,” you said, trying to calm yourself down. Bucky stood in front of you, moving a stray piece of hair out of your face.

“Cute. But you never forget to do anything when it comes to your work,” Bucky said. He took you from Steve’s grasp so the other man could finish preparing dinner. Bucky dragged you to the table, sitting down and forcing you into his lap.

“Since we can’t trust you not to run off, you get to sit on my lap,” Bucky said. You frowned.

“Buck, this isn’t funny, let me go,” you said. His grip on you tightened.

“You and Stevie made dinner. You should stay and enjoy it,” he said.

“Can I at least sit on a chair?” you asked. He shook his head.

“You lost that privilege,” he said. Steve brought the food out, setting the lasagna dish in the middle along with a salad. You moved for the lasagna only to have Bucky stop you. He grabbed a bowl from where you would have been sitting and filled it with salad. He and Steve both looked at you expectantly. You frowned.

“I’m not a big salad person,” you said.

“Sweetheart, eat your salad. We won’t tell you again. You can’t skip over the healthiest part of the meal, not anymore,” Steve said. Anxiety sat in the pit of your stomach, heavy like a rock. You couldn’t figure out a way out of this. You ate in silence, not looking up at either man. You finished the salad and plated your lasagna. Once the meal was finished, Steve scooped you up from Bucky’s lap while Bucky collected the dishes.

“Get her ready for us. She’ll understand by the time we’re done tonight. We want what’s best for her. We know what’s best for her,” Bucky said. You thrashed in Steve’s arms as he carried you toward the bedroom. He tossed you on the bed, grabbed your wrists with ease. You weren’t sure what he attached to your wrist, but it wasn’t metal. The second wrist followed. You knew there was no way out.

“What...what are you doing?” you asked.

“Showing you that we can take care of you, sweetheart. We love you. Rick and Wes, they’re boys. They have no idea what to do with a woman like you, no idea what you need,” Steve said. You kicked as he went to unbutton your pants.

“None of that. You’re in enough trouble as it is, sweetheart. You keep this up, I’ll tie your legs down too,” Steve said as he pulled your pants down along with your panties. Tears welled in your eyes. You didn’t want this, want them. Not like this. You gasped as he tore your shirt, undoing the strapless bra you had worn once the shirt was out of the way. It was the only one you had clean, the others in the wash.

The door clicked open and Bucky strode in. He paused, taking in the sight of you on the bed. You saw the bulge in his pants and froze. Both men appeared to be well endowed, bigger than anyone you’d been with. You had been so lost in thought, you missed Steve undressing, or that Bucky had sat down on the bed, dressed in nothing but his boxers.

“We’ll pretend your outburst earlier didn’t happen. You don’t know the rules yet, doll. Can’t punish you for not knowing the rules. We can talk about those later, but for now. Steve and I are going to show you how good we can be to you, how much we love you. Those boys you were messing around with, they don’t deserve you doll. They didn’t deserve a chance to see you like this,” Bucky said as he trailed his hand from your cheek down your neck to your breast. He gently squeezed one of your breasts before teasing the nipple. You bit back a moan at the sensation. You refused to give them the satisfaction. Steve slid between your legs, forcing them apart with ease. You tried to kick, but he held your legs down.

“Sweetheart remember what I said. I don’t want to have to tie your legs down too,” Steve said. Silent tears made their way down your cheeks. You didn’t want this. Not like this. Steve ran two fingers from your clit to your entrance. Your cheeks flushed with heat at the realization that you were wet.

“Would you look at that, our girl is soaking wet,” Steve said, holding his fingers up. Bucky wore a smirk on his lips.

“You can keep fighting, darlin’, but you’re only fooling yourself,” Bucky murmured before capturing your lips with his. Steve slid two fingers inside you as his lips wrapped around your clit. You arched up at the sudden contact, letting a moan slip out. Steve didn’t let up as Bucky continued kissing you. Bucky moved from your lips to your neck, sucking a bruise into the juncture where your neck and shoulder met. The dual sensations pushed you over the edge and you came with a loud moan. Shame filled you. You shouldn’t enjoy this. Not like this. Never like this.

“That’s it sweetheart, let us hear you. We just wanna make you feel good,” Steve said as he pulled away, face glistening with your juices. You were caught off guard by the kiss as he and Bucky swapped places. It was enough to distract you from Bucky pressing his cock into you. You froze as he inched forward. You couldn’t deny the surge of pleasure as he fully sheathed himself within you before pulling out and pressing back in. You found yourself lost in the pleasure. Steve pulled away from you, undoing the ties that bound your wrist. Bucky was quick to withdraw before flipping you onto your stomach. He pulled you up so you were kneeling, chest meeting the bed before entering you once more.

Steve moved in front of you, looking at you expectantly as he positioned himself in front of your mouth. You knew you had no choice. They were both stronger than you. You lost the drive to fight against them quickly. You opened your mouth and he pressed forward, wrapping a hand in your hair.

“That’s it sweetheart, fuck, that’s a good girl,” Steve said. You hated that part of you that preened at his praise. This was wrong. But they both felt so good. Your emotions were all over the place.

You were pushed over the edge once more when Bucky’s flesh hand found your clit. Bucky followed shortly after, finishing inside you. Steve’s thrusting into your mouth ceased as he pulled out, replacing Bucky between your thighs, flipping you onto your back once more. It didn’t take him long to finish. He didn’t withdraw from your right away.

“See how good it can be? How good we can be? Just have to let us in sweetheart. We only want what’s best for you,” Steve murmured. You were too exhausted to argue, to fight. You weren’t sure how to feel. Violated. But they had shown more care and concern than any lover you’d had. But you still felt anger. They took what they wanted, no room for argument. You didn’t respond as they cleaned you up, putting you in a bath before pulling a shirt over your head. You sobbed once they tucked you between them.

“Shh, shh, it’ll be alright sweetheart. You’ll see. You’ll see,” Steve said.

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allyjoe755 · 4 years ago

Text

Here for You (Neville Longbottom x Reader)

Summary: Neville tries to find a way to comfort his friend in a troubling time.

Word Count: 1552

Warnings: Deals with death and alcohol. If you are sensitive towards either of these things, please be careful!

(A/N: I wrote this because I feel like there are not nearly enough Neville fics out there, and angst just seems to be up my alley recently. If you would like me to write something happy feel free to DM me. I’m totally open for taking requests.)

o-o-o

It was raining. Fitting, it seemed. Your leg shook as you threw back another shot. The alcohol burned as it slid down your throat.

You slammed the empty glass on the table and nodded your chin at the bartender. If he was surprised, he didn’t show it. Maybe you weren’t the first person he’d seen trying to get drunk on a Tuesday morning. It didn’t matter. He was getting paid. He didn’t care what you were doing. People are selfish that way.

The bartender came over with another shot of bourbon. You gave him his money as he slid the glass over to you. It was a fair trade. You would pay anything to make the pain go away. Even if it was just a minute.

The door to the Leaky Cauldron opened. You didn’t look to see who it was. You didn’t care. They would be headed to Diagon Alley anyways. Or maybe they were like you. Wanting to get drunk on a Tuesday morning.

You threw back another shot.

The stool next to you was pulled back, and someone sat down. It must’ve been whoever walked into the pub. You didn’t care to look.

“I’ll have whatever she’s getting.”

You smirked a little. You knew that voice. The bartender came with another two shots of bourbon. The man sitting next to you threw it back. You hesitated.

“Didn’t think you were one for drinking in the morning, Longbottom,” you said. It was odd. Your voice sounded so strained.

“Thought you could use a friend,” Neville replied.

“How chivalrous.” You ran your finger across the tip of your glass. You didn’t mean to sound so callous. You didn’t care enough to apologize, either.

The pair of you sat in silence for a moment. You threw your shot back and slammed your glass on the bar.

Neville spoke up. “Maybe one of us should be responsible here.”

You barked out a dry laugh. “Well, have fun, ‘cause it sure won’t be me.”

“How many have you had?”

You looked at Neville through the corner of your eye and shook your head. “I make it a rule not to count.”

Neville shook his head. “You’re gonna hurt yourself, y/n.”

“Tell me something I don’t know.” You waved over another round of shots.

“Y/n, STOP.” Neville called off the shots.

You slammed your palm on the counter and spun towards him. “What are you doing here?” You spat.

“What do you mean?” Neville asked.

“I mean,” you began, “it is ten o’clock on a Tuesday morning on a school day.” You inhaled. “You are a professor, Neville. So what are you doing, sitting next to me, at a pub?” Your breath shook as you released it.

Neville didn’t speak. A few individuals looked your way. You ignored them. You turned back to face the bar. At this point, you didn’t care. They didn’t have a place to judge.

“I… I know what day it is, y/n.” His voice softened. You hated when people did that.

“Well, I just told you what day it is, so I would hope so,” you replied, sarcasm dripping like venom.

“You know that’s not what I’m talking about.”

You rolled your eyes. Tears were beginning to pool. Your leg began shaking again. Your body was betraying you.

“Please leave,” you whispered.

Neville began to stand up, but paused. He placed his hand on the counter. “You have people who are here for you, y/n,” he said softly. When you didn’t acknowledge him, he got up and left. After a few more minutes, you left too, apparating back to your apartment.

o-o-o

You didn’t remember the next few days. They flew by, and you were still numb. Neville’s words kept replaying in your head. You have people who are here for you. You tried to push them out. You couldn’t seem to get rid of them.

You laid in bed that night, tossing and turning. Sleep refused to come. You looked up to the ceiling and sighed. There was only one way to fix this. You knew that.

“Screw this,” you huffed, getting out of your covers and slipping some shoes on. As you apparated away, you chose not to care about the fact you were still in your pajamas.

Maybe this was a bad idea. You landed outside of a cherry red door. You knocked. There was no turning back now.

“Y/n?” Neville stood at the inside of his home, sporting a white t-shirt and blue pajama pants. “What are you doing here?”

Your arms were folded across your chest. You shrugged your shoulders. “I thought a year would do it for me, you know?” The tears were already beginning to pool up. “I thought that by now I would be over it.” A few tears began to slide down your cheeks. “Gah, what kind of idiot am I?”

Neville shook his head. “You’re no idiot, y/n.” He opened the door up more. “Come here.”

He didn’t need to tell you twice. You walked up and fell into his arms, sobs shaking your body like they never had before. What a sight it must have been. Here you were, with a former classmate you hardly found the time to talk to anymore, bawling like a baby in his embrace. He didn’t say anything. He just held you tight.

After a while, you pulled back and wiped your eyes. You knew you would probably start crying again, but it didn’t matter.

“You wanna come sit down?” Neville offered, his voice still soft.

You nodded. You walked in and sat down on an older brown sofa. You curled your legs up to your chest. You hoped Neville wouldn’t mind your feet were on the furniture. You didn’t think he would.

“Nice pajamas, by the way,” Neville commented, walking into his kitchen.

You let out a laugh and sniffled. “Thanks.”

“Want something to drink? Water?”

“Water sounds good,” you replied. Neville got you both a glass. He came back to sit down in the living room, on the loveseat across from you.

You smiled, thanked him for the water, and took a sip. “Do you have a coaster I can put this on?”

Neville shrugged his shoulders. “Coasters are overrated. You can just set it down.”

“Okay.”

A tangible silence hung in the air for a moment.

Neville was the first to speak. “You only have to talk if you want to, y/n.”

“Thanks, Neville,” you replied. You took in a deep breath. “But I need to talk about this.”

“I’m here to listen, then.”

You exhaled. The tears were starting to come back. You didn’t try to fight them. Instead, you smiled and shook your head. “He was so sweet,” you started with. Your voice trembled ever so slightly. “When we were little, we got our mom to enchant the pots and pans so they sounded like real drums. And we would beat on them for hours on end.” You shook your head. “It drove my dad crazy.” You took another shaky breath. “When he finally started going to Hogwarts he made everyone his friend. And he knew everyone’s name, and he smiled at everyone he saw. I never met anyone who didn’t love him.” Your legs started shaking. You threw your fist down onto the arm of the sofa. “And I hate it. I hate this.”

Neville leaned forward in his seat. “None of it was your fault, y/n.”

You nodded. “I know that,” you said. “I know that. It was an accident. It wasn’t anyone's fault, really. And that makes it so much worse, Neville. Because I wish I had someone to blame but I don’t.”

You took a sip of your water. Your hands were shaking. You took in a deep breath to try and calm yourself down. “With the Second Wizarding War, we all had someone to blame, you know? No one died in vain. But my brother did.” You let out an empty laugh. “I think about that every day.” You paused, wondering whether you should say what you really thought. “Sometimes… I’m horrible, because sometimes I wish he would’ve just died then, you know? Because then I’d have someone to blame. And I know that makes me an awful, horrible, rotten person.”

Neville shook his head. “You’re not a bad person, y/n. As crazy as it is, I understand.”

“I thought the pain was going to go away with time,” you continued. “But it doesn’t. It still hurts so bad.”

“I know,” Neville reassured. “It-” he sighed. “It takes a while. It’s going to. But you don’t have to carry it all alone.” He moved over to the couch you were sitting on. He pulled you in and held you tight. You cried some more. Even though everything still hurt, your tears were cathartic. A year’s worth of tears were finally being let go.

After a while, your tears started to slow. You began to calm down.

“I’m sorry for dumping this all on you, Neville,” you apologized. “But I appreciate it. I really do. I… I needed this.”

Neville smiled. “Like I said before, you have people who are here for you.” He paused for a moment. “I’d like to be one of those people.”

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aubrey-plaza · 5 years ago

Note

hope you're doing good during this crazy time! was wondering if you have any recs for crossbow canary fics to read?

so I have another fic rec list here that also has some dinah x helena recs so check that out too if you need more.

You can always go to the tag and sort by kudos but the ones below are some of my absolute favourites and I hope you enjoy them as much as I do :)

Crossbow Canary / Dinah x Helena:

In my darkness I remember

by ThanksForListening / @thanks--for--listening (13.154, complete)

summary: Helena gets stabbed, Dinah blows her powers, and everyone needs therapy.

notes: this is hurt/comfort at it’s FINEST. Two chapters, one from each POV with a delicious exploration of backstory and characterisation, and a story that will rip your heart out still beating. It’s a beautiful fic and honestly, any words I say won’t do it justice and you should just read it.

would you like to cuddle under my weighted blanket?

by tonksremus (3721, rated M, ½ chapters)

summary: Dinah discovers Helena’s weighted blanket and then decides to wife her. Really. That’s the basis of this entire fic.

notes: there are simply no words to describe how fucking hilarious this fic is. Even before the big laugh out loud moment, the author sets up smaller bits and pieces for you to laugh over and the whole time I was reading it I had a smile on my face. I recommend not reading this in public. I don’t think I have ever laughed so much while reading a fic. Add to that a delicious cameo by Poison Ivy and great characterisation all around and you’ve got yourself a pretty stellar piece of writing. I cannot wait for the second part to this!

hoping to find (what i can’t figure out yet)

by sinandmisery / @sinand-misery (6863, T, wip)

summary: “I realized after I got to my class, I never got your name.”

“Oh, um- Helena.” She stands, hand outstretched awkwardly for a handshake. “Helena Rosa.”

“Dinah Lance,” she says, laughing as she shakes Helena’s hand. Her hands are cold from the bottles of beer, but Helena’s hands are warm - so warm - and Dinah doesn’t want to let go.

OR;

The college AU where they become friends and fall a little bit (a lot) in love.

notes: anybody who knows me knows I don’t read WIPs. full stop. I try to keep up and really love supporting my friends but wips are just so hard for me to keep up with and YET. There’s this college AU that’s so riveting and well written that I eagerly await the email that brings the next chapter with it. There’s intrigue and a solid backstory laced with a delicious banter and characterisation that’s just *chefs kiss*. I love it so much I made a social media AU for it.

For a Little While Longer

by Ciocco / @suolasirotin (1664, rated T, tw in story notes)

summary: ‘Psychologically speaking, vengeance rarely brings the catharsis we hope for.’

Helena has a choice to make.

notes: the way this was written had my throat in a knot and my chest warm the whole way out despite knowing that it would end well and there’s a beauty to the prose and the internal monologue that gives it such an authentic feeling. Your heart will hurt for Helena and sympathise and the way this moment was written, you will want to be drawn to Dinah. It’s so well written and I keep coming back to it.

i don’t wanna be your friend (i wanna kiss your lips)

by MontagueBitch (porcia_catonis) (1090, G)

summary: Helena practiced this moment in front of her mirror a dozen times, and somehow, it still doesn’t come out right. How typical.

notes: Helena is a goddamn disaster and I love her so much. This fic reads like a movie, perfectly described with the right amount of dialogue and feels so natural and like them.

Quarantine Oneshots / Chapter 17 - You’re So Vain

by BlueJay_Silvertongue (1588, rated T)

summary: Helena and Diana attend a funeral in Italy, and Dinah finally confronts her feelings for Helena.

notes: so this is I think the second one shot in this series that’s CC, but in the first one it’s basically revealed that Diana and Helena sometimes sleep together. Still, it’s a short piece and manages to be so compelling and really stuck with me and I keep coming back to it. Part of a quarantine collection so I’m p sure author is doing a ficlet a day and I have to say the notes at the end are really uplifting as well!

I Don’t Deserve This (You Look Perfect Tonight)

by Dash_El (1168, rated G)

summary: “What’s wrong, Helena?” Dinah asks curiously. “Never danced with another girl before?”

“No, it’s not that.” Helena’s arms are rigid, her hands balling up into fists. She breathes out slowly before admitting the truth. “I’ve never danced with anyone before.”

notes: is there anything better than two people slowdancing together? the answer is yes: this fic. It’s slow and simple and practically evokes the imagery in your head.

I’ve been at war for so long.

by D_writes (2235, rated G, will leave you hungry)

summary: One shot exploring a bit of Helena’s Italian heritage and some habits she brought with her from the old continent.

notes: Carla Lalli Music said Love is a thing you can taste, and she was right. I love a fic based around food and eating because what’s more caring that wanting your loved ones to be well fed? The Italians are good at this and having Helena connect with that part of her heritage and basing a story around it? Absolute pinnacle of poeticism.

Pegasus

by catfishofoldin99colours / @catfishofoldin99colours (3617, rated G)

summary: A chilly rooftop evening, half a bottle of brandy down her throat, and the entire sky mapped out above. Not what Dinah imagined when she’d first thought of kissing Helena, but she’s not one to argue with the universe like that.

notes: will I ever stop recommending this fic? unlikely. I am a SUCKER for pining Dinah. Most fics in the tag are written from Helena’s pov but the absolute deliciousness that is a yearning Dinah is just. There are no words. They’re so goddamn awkward and I love them so much.

Sleepover

by emmer_gency / @cleanquean (4549, T, wip)

summary: It’s not like Dinah doesn’t realise she’s got it bad for Helena; she knows that all too well, thank you very much. The problem is, what the hell do you do about it when it’s right there in your face, at work, at home, in your kitchen and in your bed? And how do you keep Harley Quinn from unintentionally ruining all of it?

notes: I just. I love this fic so much. Harley is the perfect foil these two morons being incredibly awkward around each other but I still just cannot get enough.

i’d like it if you stayed (and i like you)

by mess_is_mine (3269, rated E)

summary: Living together, when Dinah hasn’t been laid in months, when they’re spending their nights in situations that get Dinah’s adrenaline going, when Helena has a habit of walking around in sleeveless shirts or even just a sports bra and low slung joggers?

Yeah, it was only a matter of time before Helena walked in at an inopportune moment.

notes: this is. very hot. features a very pent up Dinah being walked in on and hot and (surprisingly) tender smut.

Hail Mary, Full of Grace

by zxywrites / @zxyjxy (3790, explicit)

summary: They have sex in a church. Not sure what else to say.

notes: relapsed gay catholics unite! but seriously, note I didn’t put an E but instead wrote out the word explicit. It’s explicit. They’re in a church. and yet, my favourite line isn’t a piece of smut but instead a section of gorgeous prose sprinkled throughout this story that really elevates it from being gratuitous smut to something absolutely beautiful. But it’s also really hot.

no fic specifically but all of @thewomanofwonder / thewomanofwonder’s stories are good!

and of course you can read the fics I wrote

Happy reading, Anon!

#fic rec #crossbow canary #dinahelena #dinah x helena #friend tags #anonymous #anon #ask

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disappearinginq · 4 years ago

Note

3. What do you think makes your writing stand out from other works? 13. First fandom you ever wrote for? 16. Any guilty pleasure trope(s)? 34. Copy and paste an excerpt you’re particularly fond of.

3. At the risk of sounding vain...I tend not to write completely self indulgent fics, like, something that would take the character completely out of their established canon-behavior. Do I want my favorite characters to be the center of a hurt/comfort recovery fic? Yes. Yes, I do. But I also really don’t like the tendency for the genre to get into “woobie-fying” (or however it’s spelled) the main characters. In Lucifer, I still wrote Lucifer as a narcissist with daddy issues. When I wrote for the 100, I tried to pull as much as I could from canon to justify the direction the story took. When I write in Magnum, I really try to take into account the back story they’ve given the characters - that they were Taliban POW’s, they’re elite military members, etc. So while I like that fandom is freedom of expression, and AU’s and fix-its and all the other genres exist and people can use them, my most cherished feedback is from readers who say “I can see this happening” or “this makes so much more sense, I never considered this”.

13. Uuuuuhhhhhmmmm, I think the Secret Adventures of Jules Verne, though if we want to get technical, when I was like...10 or 9, I had probably close to a thousand pages typed of what would be considered an OC spin on Sliders in an epic multi-fandom crossover fic, which included Sliders, Star Trek, Star Wars, Magnificent Seven, and Hudson Hawk amongst other things. I really wish I knew what happened to it, because I guarantee it’s terrible by my own standards today, but 10 year old me was living.

16. The Bourne Identity Trope - amnesiac who turns out to be a lethal assassin; government experiment escaped, a la Pretender style; secretly most powerful character but they either 1) can’t control it, or 2) choose not to use it for another reason; co-dependent besties (see: “There ain’t no me, if there ain’t no you”); and I have no idea what you would call it, but when the protagonist has fought with everything they have and they face the ‘final problem’ and they just sort of...sink? Jensen Ackles did it really well.; and final one “rage solves everything” - see the entire final fight sequence of Serenity.

34. From “Damnatio Memoriae” of the Lucifer fandom:

“The moment you laid eyes on these wings, when you first realized that they were real and all that that knowledge entailed, you wanted some of it for yourself, didn’t you?” he whispered, soothing. “You knew there were such things in creation deserving of worship, and you wanted to be one of them.”

The woman shook, but she finally raised her head, finally meeting his gaze.

Strength of madness in the face of Death.

He almost liked her.

“Your crusade was a foolish one,” Samael said, voice just loud enough for her to hear and no one else in the congregation. “It was an act of vanity and personal pride. And worse, you thought you could lie to me about it. Perhaps you repeated it so often you actually believed it but I can see, Delilah. I know what’s in your heart. I know how you feel when you command and others obey. I know the way your heart beats at the sight of blood. How powerful you feel watching someone else’s life fade away because of you. You thought yourself a god.”

He pressed his forehead against hers, closing his eyes and cupping his hands to either side of her face.

“Allow me to show you what happens to false gods,” he whispered. He touched his lips to her forehead, his fingers sliding along her neck.

In one quick movement, he pressed his fingers down and snapped her axis vertebrae, severing her spinal cord.

Her entire body went limp, but he didn’t allow her to fall. He kept his bruising grip around her neck, holding her up like a ragdoll.

“I’m not going to kill you,” he said pleasantly. “Though perhaps I should – it would be a mercy, gratitude for all that you’ve done. But you, Delilah Rogers…are deserving of no such consideration. You can live, bound as I was, reminded of the power you once had and are now deprived of. Your lying tongue cannot poison anyone else’s mind.”

He released her, and she dropped in a boneless heap to the floor, unable to do anything more than blink and breathe.

“I’m going to give you one last gift, Delilah,” Samael said, turning his back on her and facing the congregation that stood with bated breath in the shadows.

“I’m going to give you the perspective of God,” he said as he paused at the front of the church, moonlight casting onto his beautiful wings and making them shine. “By letting you watch as I make your beloved flock destroy themselves.”

And with that, Samael allowed all of his hate, all of his anger and rage and desire to flood the congregation. The roiling black sickness seeped in through their skin, into their bones and into their hearts as their eyes flashed black as night.

“Tell me humans,” he shouted above the crowd. “What is it you most desire?”

And the sea of people turned on one another like the animals he knew they were. Nails tore through skin, teeth clamped down on muscle and sinew and bones snapped like brittle twigs as the humans literally consumed one another.

Samael smiled to himself, inhaling deeply and savoring the taste of blood in the air. He supposed he should be grateful that so few mentions of him remained. Eliciting desire was such a bland term for what he did.

He controlled hunger. The darkest part of the human soul was his domain and he knew what to pull and what to push and how to make them bend and snap and tear themselves apart. Death was a mercy he bestowed upon the masses. His ability to take a life was not what earned him a place in the Pit.

It was the ability to make them destroy themselves in their pursuit of desire. He hardly needed to lift a finger – all he had to do was whisper in their ears, and they ripped each other apart.

Desire was a fluid thing. People often confused it with lust. But it was so much more than that. Power. Love. Hate. Hurt. It was the human spirit unconstrained.

It was what he loved about them. They were so eager to destroy each other, they happily destroyed themselves.

He stepped off the crossing, uncaring of the blood that pooled beneath his feet, ignoring the bodies as the fell to the floor.

No one touched him.

No one even noticed him.

With a spin on his heel, he pushed open the doors of the church, stepping out into the cool California desert night.

The skies were clear. Stars twinkled in the velvet darkness, barely visible with the full moon out in all its glory. The entirety of his Father’s beloved creation lay before him, bathed in silvery moonlight bright as the sun. He could hear the beat of its corrupted, festering heart beneath his feet, hear the whispers of dark desire on the air.

“So much work to do,” he muttered to himself, smiling happily. He stretched his arms, his wings expanding behind him as he unfurled them in their entirety for the first time in what felt like centuries.

He spared a glance skyward. “Dearest Father, have you no words for your beloved Fallen Star? Speak now, or forever hold your peace.”

The heavens reverberated in silence. Not a sound from the Silver City.

“That’s what I thought,” he said. “You and I always did have an understanding.”

And with a flap of his magnificent wings, he vanished into the night.

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