#is it me clinging too hard to control? like am I unable to relax because that feels like danger?

[lux-scriptum]

Using my journal isnt helping so tumblr as my journal it is

[honeypiehotchner]

That’s When (Hotch x Fem!Reader) -- part three of Bye Bye, Baby

Part three has arrived! Guys, this was so much fun to write and this part made me so weepy. Thank y’all so much for reading <3

Loosely based on “That’s When” by Taylor Swift ft. Keith Urban xx

Summary: Juliet wants to meet Aaron, so you set it up. Things go better than you were expecting.

Warnings: angst, happy ending!

Word count: 3.7k this time EYE

Bye Bye, Baby (part one) || Don’t You (part two) || Hotch Masterlist

You said, “I know,” when I said I need some time, need some space/to think about all of this

You pour the coffee Aaron got you down the drain. You took maybe two sips on your way home.

Juliet is still with Dannie, but she’s on her way now to drop her off. And once Jules is asleep, you’ll be filling Dannie in on everything.

Easier said than done, because Juliet all but refuses to fall asleep.

“Munchkin,” you sigh. “You have school tomorrow.”

“M’not tired.”

You give her a look.

“What’s wrong, Mommy?” She asks out of nowhere. “You look sad.”

“I’m okay, baby,” you whisper, even though you nearly start crying. “Get some sleep. I’ll see you in the morning, okay?”

“French toast for breakfast?”

You chuckle, tapping her nose gently. “French toast. You got it.”

“Love you bunches,” she murmurs, already falling asleep.

You lean over and kiss her forehead. “Love you, munchkin.”

Juliet keeps her eyes closed as you stand and turn off the light, and you don’t doubt that she’s fast asleep by the time you pull her door closed.

Dannie is waiting on the couch, two glasses of wine already poured.

“You know me too well,” you laugh, taking your glass from her. “Thanks.”

“Don’t thank me, it’s your wine,” Dannie grins.

“Right.”

Dannie watches you stare at your wine. Something you never do.

“How’d it go?” She asks. “It looks like it went bad.”

You snort. “Well, it wasn’t great.”

You watched me go/And I knew my words were hard to hear

“Oh boy.” Dannie shifts her body and faces you on the couch, her legs bent underneath her. “Go on.”

“His first question was if she’s his.”

Dannie scrunches her nose in disgust, an expression Jules has picked up from her. “What did you say?”

“That she’s mine, but he is her dad,” you exhale shakily. “I forgot she has his dimples, too.”

Dannie smiles sadly. “Honey…”

“Yeah, it was bad,” you admit. “It was so easy to forget all of that when I was angry and when I was too busy being pregnant,” you joke. “Seeing him just opened that door again.”

You swirl your wine for a second. “He said he wants to meet her. I told him I’d have to ask her first.”

“That’s good,” Dannie nods.

“How do I even bring that up?” You ask, defeated. “And what if she says no?”

“Then she says no,” Dannie shrugs her shoulders. “Then life goes back the way it was.”

You take in a deep breath. “Is it wrong that I kind of want her to say no?”

“I think that’s very motherly of you,” Dannie smiles. “You’ve protected her so well, I hope you know that.”

“I’ve tried.” You take a big sip of wine before your next sentence. “He asked me for a second chance.”

Dannie blinks. “Seriously?”

You nod.

“Did you tell him about the phone calls? He’s ignored you this whole time and now just because he realized he’s a father, he wants a second chance?” Dannie scoffs loudly. “Maybe I want her to say no, too. I hate men.”

You nearly inhale your wine in laughter. “You and me both.”

+++

As it turns out, bringing up Aaron to Juliet is easy. She asks you the next night why you still look sad, and you use it to bring him up.

“I’m not sad, munchkin, I’m just thinking really hard about something.”

Juliet furrows her eyebrows. “What?”

You slide off the couch to sit on the floor next to her where she’s coloring a picture of Elsa. “Remember how I told you that your dad and I don’t talk anymore?”

It was the easiest way to explain Aaron’s absence when Juliet started to ask about it. It was hard to think about because you and Aaron were never married, he didn’t die, and to make matters worse, he had no idea Juliet existed.

She nods, picking up a blue marker. “Yeah, you said adults have to stop talking to each other sometimes.”

“That’s right,” you nod. “Sometimes it’s better for us if we don’t speak. But sometimes, after a while, we can start talking again.”

“Okay.”’

“Well, your dad and I have started talking again,” you pause. “And he said he’d like to meet you. But only if you want to.”

Juliet thinks for a moment, then shrugs, switching to an orange marker. “Okay.”

“Yeah?” You ask, just to be sure. “Where do you want to go?”

“I can pick?”

“Sure can. Wherever you want.”

“Hmm,” she taps her chin for emphasis, and you try hard not to laugh. “What about McDonalds in the park?”

It’s a somewhat tradition of yours to get McDonalds, then go to her favorite park and have a picnic. It’s one of her favorite things to do, so you should’ve known.

“I love that,” you smile. “What about this Saturday?”

“Mhm!” She nods. “Can Dannie come, too?”

“I’ll ask her, but I don’t see why not.”

Juliet is completely satisfied with this answer and goes right back to coloring Elsa.

You chuckle quietly. Kids.

+++

It’s almost noon by the time you get Juliet in the car. And surprisingly, you were the one running behind today. Juliet was ready and sitting on your bed, watching you get dressed before you had even done your hair.

Now, though, you’ve picked up Dannie, and the three of you are headed to McDonalds.

Juliet hasn’t mentioned meeting Aaron once this morning, but she has talked about McDonalds at least four times now.

“How are you holding up?” Dannie asks while Juliet is occupied singing along to ‘Let It Go.’

“Nervous,” you admit quietly. “Thank you for coming.”

“I wouldn’t turn down McDonalds any day,” Dannie scoffs, then turns around to Juliet. “Are you excited?”

Listening to the two of them ramble makes you smile wide, and the drive to the park feels infinitely shorter.

You told Aaron you’d text him when you get there, so he can come over. He said he’d already be there, but for what reason you have no clue.

All you care about is setting out the blanket and getting Juliet to eat her food before she plays with her new Frozen toy.

Truthfully, you’re expecting him to text you and say he called on a case. Not that you blame him because you’ve been there, the BAU is unpredictable like that. But you wouldn’t be surprised.

However, you are surprised when Aaron jogs over.

Yes, jogs.

In shorts, a t-shirt, and sneakers, with sweat clinging to his hair, he jogs over. And you lose all semblance of reality. There’s cotton in your mouth. Good fucking god, he looks good.

“When the hell did you start running?” It's the first thing that comes out of your mouth, and it’s complete word vomit.

Juliet gasps dramatically. “Bad word, Mommy.”

Dannie tries and fails to hold in her laugh.

“You’re right,” you chuckle. “Bad word.”

Aaron, with a smile, answers your question. “The BAU is having a triathlon. I’m training for it.”

“When is it?” You ask without entirely meaning to. You hate how easily you fall right back into conversation with him, how easily he makes you dumbfounded just by his looks.

“In a few weeks, so I’ve got some time,” he breathes. “Mind if I sit?”

You shake your head, scooting over. “Here, I got some nuggets.” You ordered enough for the two of you to share, mostly to save money, but now you’re realizing the implications of it.

You don’t have time to think about that, though, because Juliet has been staring at Aaron for a few moments.

“Munchkin?” You ask. Dannie nudges Juliet’s arm.

“Didn’t you hit us in the grocery store?”

Dannie bursts into laughter then, unable to control it this time, and thankfully, Aaron laughs, too.

“I did,” he nods. “I’m really sorry about that.”

“It’s okay, Aaron,” Juliet says, going right back to her nuggets, sandwiching fries in between two pieces of chicken.

His eyebrows raise and he looks at you.

All you can do is shrug. “She forgets nothing.”

From there, lunch is...uneventful.

Juliet is more focused on playing than she is talking to Aaron, but thankfully, she doesn’t seem upset by him being here.

Dannie asks him a couple questions, mostly standard ones. “What’s the BAU like? I bet the hours suck. You’re unit chief, too, right?”

Aaron answers everything politely, and seems mostly at ease.

After a while, you begin to relax, too.

You have no choice, really, when Juliet feels comfortable to ask questions like, “Are you really my dad? Why weren’t you talking to my mommy?”

Aaron handles the questions like a pro. “I am. Your mom and I needed some time to ourselves, so that’s why we weren’t talking.”

“Adults are weird,” she says, but she seems satisfied with his answers and even hands him her Olaf toy. “I’m gonna go swing.”

Aaron chuckles and sets Olaf in the shade of his leg. “I’ll make sure he doesn’t melt.”

Juliet tilts her head. “He’s a toy, he won’t melt.”

This time you’re the one incapable of holding in your laughter.

“Dannie, come on!” Juliet yells out, giggling when Dannie nearly trips over her feet to stand up.

As they run off, you start picking up Juliet’s trash and stuffing it back in the bag.

“Here, I’ll run it over to the trash can.”

You turn your head to Aaron with a smirk. “You’ll run it over there? Promise?”

He gives you a look.

He doesn’t actually take it over to the trash can because he goes completely still, then says, “She has my eyes.”

You take a deep breath. “Yeah. She does. Your dimples, too.”

He smiles. “Thank god she got your nose, though.”

“What?” You whip your head around. “She has your nose.”

“She does not,” he argues. “And as I said, thank god.”

“Oh, shut up, I love your nose.”

His smile is never-ending. “Really?”

You move on from it quickly. “Thanks for meeting us today.”

“Thank you for letting me.”

You nod slowly, deciding to blurt out what’s been eating at you. “You know, if— If you’re doing this just to get a second chance with me, please don’t.”

“I’m not.”

“Because I don’t need that kind of stress, and Juliet doesn’t either—”

I said, “I know,” when you said I did you wrong/made mistakes, and put you through all of this

“Y/N,” Aaron’s hand rests gently on your arm, getting your attention. He lifts it when you stop talking. “I’m not. I’m doing this because I want to be a part of her life, as her dad. I wasn’t there for her, or you, and I’m sorry. I just want to make it right. Let me make it up to you — to her.”

You stare at him closely, watching. “You mean that?”

He nods. “I do. And I’m so sorry my actions in the past made you think differently of me.”

“I just don’t want her to get hurt,” you murmur. “She’s my baby.”

“I know,” Aaron says. “I know.”

+++

Co-parenting with Aaron is surprisingly easy. Or maybe he makes it easy.

Every Saturday, you and Juliet meet him in the park for a picnic lunch after he’s done training for the triathlon. Sometimes you get there early — which happens nearly every week as Juliet becomes more eager to see him — and you get to cheer Aaron on as he finishes his run.

Dannie comes sometimes, but the few times that she hasn’t have been just as pleasant.

Aaron keeps his word. He does this to spend time with Juliet as her dad, and he doesn’t make any advances on you. The two of you don’t even hug at the end of the afternoon, but Juliet has taken to running and jumping in his arms.

She’s growing more and more attached to him every week, and you hate the dread that you feel. So far, you���ve been lucky. Aaron’s cases have been during the week, so he hasn’t missed a single Saturday — yet.

It’s one of the reasons you are grateful for your transfer at the time four years ago. If you had been in as unpredictable of a job as the BAU when you were pregnant, or when Juliet was born, you have no idea how you would’ve done it. Your job now is a perfect 8 to 5, sometimes 6, but that’s only been a handful of times in the past four years.

Juliet is used to you being there every day. And now, she’s getting used to seeing Aaron every week. You’re just bracing yourself for the time when he has a case and won’t be able to make it.

You try not to think that far ahead, but you can’t help yourself. You were once an agent under him. You know just how crazy the BAU can get. You know exactly what to expect when it gets busy.

Which is why you don’t understand the feelings that are growing inside of you.

You told him he wasn’t getting a second chance — at least not right now. Because you don’t have it in you, and you don’t want to do that to Juliet if it doesn’t work out.

But that was before things started working out.

And you said, “When can I come back?”

Before he never missed a single Saturday. Before he insisted on a birthday dinner when he realized her birthday was a few months ago. Before she started running into his arms. Before he started lifting her up and spinning her around, listening to her giggles as she squealed, “Mommy! I’m flying!” Before she fell asleep on the blanket in the park, and he moved over to shield her from the sun, all while still talking to you.

Now, you don’t know what to do. It sounds awful, but you didn’t expect him to prove himself this well.

You’ve always loved him. That is easy enough to recognize and admit. But you never imagined feeling this way again.

“Mommy?” Juliet pushes your bedroom door open a little.

You sit up, patting your bed. “Good morning, munchkin. C’mere.”

She climbs into bed and right to your side, and you spread the blanket over her, letting her snuggle into your side.

After a moment, you think she’s asleep, but then she whispers, “Are you and dad going to stop talking again?”

You freeze. Up until now, Juliet has called him “Aaron.” Obviously, she knows Aaron is her dad, but she’s never called him that.

“Why do you ask that, baby?” You murmur, kissing the top of her head.

“I don’t want you guys to stop talking again. I like hanging out with him.” She buries her head further into your chest. “He makes me laugh.”

Tears fill your eyes. “He makes me laugh, too.”

“I know,” she smiles into your shirt. “He looks at you a lot.”

“What?”

“When you’re not looking,” she whispers, half-asleep again. “He smiles a lot. He has dimples like me.”

“He does,” you smile softly, wiping your tears away.

+++

The day of the triathlon, Juliet is more than eager to get to the park to cheer Aaron on.

You, on the other hand, feel like you could throw up from the thought of it.

Aaron told you the rest of the team will be there, and you’re grateful for the heads up, but you’re also nervous as shit. You haven’t seen them since your send off party. You haven’t texted with Penelope and Derek in...probably two years now.

He said he didn’t tell the team you’re coming because he didn’t want you to feel pressured, but he also warned you that the team has been questioning him nonstop if he’s seeing someone. He said he’s told them that he isn’t, but of course, they think he’s lying.

Dannie comes with to the triathlon, mainly because Juliet asked her to. It’s been a few days since Juliet has seen Dannie because she was out of town for work, but now she’s back, so Juliet wants her around all the time again.

You’re grateful for Dannie’s presence once again to calm your nerves and offer distractions at every second.

Surprisingly, you don’t see the team anywhere when you arrive, so you, Juliet, and Dannie set up your chairs and blanket peacefully. It’s a while before Aaron will be over here for the run, the last part of the triathlon, so Juliet breaks out her coloring book at your and Dannie’s feet.

You and Dannie spend the wait while idly talking, and after about an hour, the first cheers begin echoing out.

Juliet perks up with the noise. “Is that dad?”

Dannie’s eyes snap to yours and she mouths, “Did she?”

You nod, smiling stupidly. It brings you way more joy to hear Juliet freely call Aaron her dad. Way more joy than you thought.

“Maybe,” you stand up and reach for Juliet’s hand. “Let’s go see.”

Juliet grabs your hand and starts tugging you toward the front, and Dannie follows with a laugh, watching you get drug away by a four-year-old.

A few runners are passing by, but none of them are Aaron. Juliet is watching impatiently, and squeals when Dannie lifts her up onto her shoulders.

“Can you see now, munchkin?” You ask, your hand resting gently on her back, even though Dannie is holding onto her ankles.

Juliet nods. “I see him!”

You look down the way, and you see him, too.

Your lips split into a grin almost immediately. His black shorts, black t-shirt, with his number pinned to the front. His hair is slick with sweat, and yet, you still have a burning desire to run your fingers through it.

Aaron moves to the side, running right next to you, giving Juliet a high five on his way by, and you, too, only when his fingers graze yours, he squeezes.

As soon as he crosses the finish line, Juliet is scrambling out of Dannie’s arms, and when she hits the ground, she runs.

You’re running after her, Dannie too, calling her name, because she really shouldn’t run off like that.

But your nerves calm down the second you see Juliet jumping into her dad’s arms.

Slowing to a walk, you shake your head with a smile as Aaron spins her around, squeezing her tightly.

“Hey,” he says when he sees you. “I’m glad you guys could make it.”

“Me too,” you smile. “She wouldn’t let me miss it,” you nod toward Juliet.

“You’re smelly,” Juliet says out of nowhere, pinching her nose.

Dannie laughs loudly at her comment as Aaron sets her down. But despite her comment, she doesn’t move from next to him.

“Is that who I think it is?” Derek Morgan’s voice floats through your ears.

You turn around to face him, putting your hands on your hips. “Depends, who do you think it is?”

Derek grins wide. “Come here, you.”

You hug him tightly, and over his shoulder you see everyone else, all with shocked looks on their faces. JJ, Emily, Penelope, Spencer, and Rossi, too.

After giving out hugs all around, you look back to see Juliet still clinging to Aaron’s leg.

“Who is this?” Morgan asks quietly, kneeling down to Juliet’s level. “Hey there.”

She eyes him skeptically. “Hi.”

“Munchkin, this is Derek. He’s a friend, too.”

Derek waves.

“Do you like Frozen?” Juliet asks.

Derek nods seriously. “I love it.”

“Hmph,” she wraps her arm tighter around Aaron’s leg. The sight makes you want to crumble. She looks up at Aaron, and says, “Dad?” To get his attention.

Everyone stills. Even Derek.

“Yes, honey?” Aaron replies, kneeling down, too.

“Are they your friends, too?”

He nods. “We’re all really good friends.”

She shrugs. “Okay.” She looks around at everyone, and gasps when she sees Penelope. “I like your bracelet!”

Penelope looks down at it with a smile. “You wanna try it on?”

Juliet practically sprints toward Penelope with a dramatic nod.

While the two of them are playing with Pen’s jewelry, everyone else is looking at you and Hotch with blatantly shocked expressions.

“We’ll explain later,” you offer. “But the answer is yes.”

Rossi, bless him, breaks the awkward, silent tension. “Is anyone else starving?”

You laugh some nerves away. “Yeah, I am. We just need to go pack up our stuff.”

“I can help,” Aaron says.

“Okay, yeah,” you nod, glancing over at Juliet, but her, Penelope, JJ, and Emily are now sitting in the grass, talking animatedly about Frozen.

“I’ll stay over here,” Dannie says, nudging your arm.

“Thank you,” you murmur, trying to hide your dumb smile at the thought of being alone with Aaron, even if for only a few seconds.

Regardless, you try to keep your cool when you turn back to him. “We’re just over here.”

“Lead the way,” he gestures ahead.

You ignore all efforts to hide your smile now as you start walking. He falls into step beside you, his sweaty shoulder brushing yours, but you don’t mind.

And against all of your better judgement, you slide your hand into his.

His surprised look is priceless, and you can’t help the snort of laughter that escapes you. “What? Am I not allowed to make the first move?”

You don’t know if the red on his cheeks is from running or blushing. “No, no, you’re allowed.”

“Good,” you murmur, walking a little closer. Your things are far too close for your liking. You want to walk with him like this for longer.

When you stop next to your chairs, you don’t let go of his hand. He doesn’t let go, either.

“Can I ask something?” He says, squeezing your hand.

“Sure.”

He steps closer, his toes nearly touching yours. “If you make the first move, am I allowed to make the second?”

You can’t help the violent swarm of butterflies in your stomach. “I think that’s how that works.” You pause, tilting your head, gesturing to how close your feet are. “Was that your move?”

He shakes his head. “No. This is.”

That’s when, when I saw your face/You let me in, and baby, that’s when

Aaron’s free hand holds your jaw as he kisses you in the same tender, gentle way that he used to, only this one has four years’ worth of apologies in every touch. You let go of his hand to smooth your hands on his chest, his neck, any place you can touch because it’s been too long. Way too long.

That’s when I want you/That’s when I love you/That’s when

[badassbuchanan]

No Goodbye

Part 2 Part 3

Plot: Bucky’s left to pick up the pieces of a broken heart

Warnings: you will cry, angst, this is very very sad, sweet Bucky

Word Count: 4295

A/N: decided to branch out and do a non-smut angsty fic - it’s my first one please be nice 💕

“Bucky?” Y/N’s voice whispered worriedly as she watched the small team walk back through the compound with their heads hung low. The long haired super soldier looked over at her with saddened eyes, his heart sinking when he saw the hopefully look on her face. 

Y/N’s hearted thudded against her chest, her bottom lip quivering as she watched the team look at her sympathetically. “Bucky, where’s Steve?” Worst case scenarios fled through her mind as she noticed the heartbreak in Bucky’s eyes, she’d never seen her boyfriend’s best friend look so sad.

Bucky’s eyes closed for a moment too long, the raw emotion in her voice breaking his heart. He felt tears begin welling up in his eyes, knowing he had to be the one to break the news. He let out a deep sigh, trying to steady his breathing and keep his sadness at bay as he braved a glance over at Y/N. 

“Steve’s gone, Y/N.” Bucky mumbled, hearing a whimper of pain leave the girl’s lips as she broke down in front of him. Her hands flew up to cover her mouth, loud sobs filling the room as Bucky flinched in weakness, he couldn’t stand to see her like this. “He’s not coming back, Doll.” He was still trying to process the fact himself, saying it out loud only made it that much more real.

“No,” She shook her head in denial, tears streaming down her face as Bucky let his head fall back to conceal his tears. He started walking towards her, only knowing too well how hard it was to lose Steve. “No, Bucky, he promised.” 

“I know,” Bucky blew out shakily as he tugged her almost lifeless body towards him, wrapping his arms around her tightly as she sobbed against his chest. He sighed solemnly when he felt her hands clinging to the material of his t-shirt, her tears soaking through the thin material and onto his chest. “I know, Doll.”

Bucky knew more than anyone how it felt to have a promise broken by Steve. Bucky had just had to say goodbye to his childhood best friend, but Y/N had just lost the love of her life. 

She’d fallen for Steve the first day she met him. He was like a prince in a world full of frogs. She didn’t know if it was a forties thing, or a Steve thing, but he was everything she’d ever dreamed of. Steve loved Y/N just as much, she was his little piece of light in a cruel world. She reminded him of what was important and made him feel like part of him was still normal.

Shhh.” Bucky soothed her quietly, squeezing his eyes shut tightly as he rested his chin against the top of her head. Her head began to spin, trying to process what was happening as she cried helplessly against Bucky’s chest. “It’s gunna be okay.” Bucky breathed out shakily, repeating the words that Steve had said to him before he left, hoping it would somehow calm her down. Although right now, he didn’t even believe those words himself.

———

It had been a few weeks, but the days seemed to all blur into one for Y/N. She didn’t leave her room unless it was to run errands, but even then, she avoided everyone. She felt so out of place, like everywhere she was, it was wrong. It didn’t matter if she was making a cup of tea in the kitchen, reading a book in the living room, taking a shower in the bathroom or trying to have a nap on her bed. It all seemed so wrong, like she shouldn’t be doing anything without Steve.

“I don't know who I am anymore, Buck.” She sighed numbly, her mind spaced out in mourning, her eyes damp with tears just as they had been every day before. Bucky was the only person she’d spoken to, and that was only because she knew he needed someone to talk to. Maybe he liked talking to her because she reminded him of Steve.

Bucky’s heart ached as he watched her face, so straight and emotionless. She was so broken, he heard her crying when no one else was around, especially at night. It was as if she was so tired of being in pain that her face was no longer able to show expression. 

“I think if anyone can relate to not knowing who they are, Y/N. It’s me.” He pursed his lips together in a sympathetic smile, leaning his hands against the edge of the mattress from where he sat on her bed. He watched her carelessly fold the clean washing, trying to harden the pain inside her heart. 

“Yeah and who helped you through that, Buck?” She hissed out sadly, angry at herself for still being so helpless and lost after weeks. She hadn’t said Steve’s name since the day she’d found out he’d gone. Bucky had noticed it, but he wasn’t sure if anyone else had. 

Bucky sighed as he tilted his head absentmindedly, he hated Steve for leaving him, but he hated him more for leaving her. A frown crinkled on her forehead as she concentrated on stopping her tears from escaping her eyes, letting out a quiet sniffle as she kept her eyes focused on the washing in front of her.

“God, I just feel so alone.” She sighed in frustration, throwing the pair of shorts she was folding down on the bed. Her eyes closed as she wrapped her arms around herself, a tear trickling down her cheek as she sniffed again. 

“You’re not alone, Doll.” Bucky whispered sadly, trying to be supportive as his eyes softened and he carefully reached his flesh arm out to hold her hand. 

“But I am, Buck.” She pulled away from his hand as soon as she felt it, the action so sudden it made Bucky jump as she took a step away from him. “You’ve got Sam and Sharon.” She gritted her teeth at the mention of the girl that Steve had once kissed, her hands balling up into fists out of frustration. “Pepper’s got Morgan, Clint has his family, Peter’s got May, Fury’s got Maria, T’Challa’s got Shuri. But who do I got?” Her lips trembled as she pressed them together in a hard pout, looking down at the space in front of her. “He was everything I had and now he’s gone.”

Bucky listened silently to her rant, hanging his head as his heart broke at the shakiness of her angry voice. He fiddled with his hands, he knew nothing he could say would make her feel better. All she wanted was Steve. 

“I don't even know why I’m still here.” She mumbled weakly, looking around the room that had once been filled with happy memories. It hurt, everything hurt. Living at the compound was a constant reminder of the life she had once shared with Steve. Her anger faded back to sadness as she closed her eyes tightly, breaking down in silent sobs as she thought about how they’d planned to spend their future together. They’d talked about it a lot. “When all this is over, we’ll move to Brooklyn. We’ll get married, pop out a couple of babies. Oh, and we have to get a dog.” The memory of Steve’s words caused an aching cry to leave her lips, his voice ringing through her mind as she felt her whole body go weak. “I can’t do this anymore.” 

Bucky’s watery eyes widened in panic at her words, his head immediately turning to her as he instinctively reached his arm out towards her again. She was too helpless to pull away this time, letting his strong hand pull her body into his lap as she collapsed against him. 

He was worried about how she was handing the process of grieving, knowing how much it had the power to manipulate thoughts. He didn’t want her doing anything stupid, anything irrational, anything harmful. He’d become so protective over her, knowing that she was the only other person who really understood what it was like losing Steve. Anytime she cried, Bucky was right there holding her.

“I’m sorry.” Bucky sobbed out, unable to control his emotions as he wrapped his arms around her, holding her as tight as he could. Y/N’s arms wrapped around his neck as she cried against him, a position she’d come to know so well. “I’m so sorry.” Bucky felt guilty, like he was the one responsible for Steve not coming back. He was there, he should’ve tried harder, said something to make Steve change his mind.

She whimpered against him, erratically breathing against his chest as she felt her throat closing up. The all too familiar feeling of heartache took over as her hand dropped to his metal arm, clinging to him tightly as she relaxed against his chest. 

Bucky rocked them back and forth lightly, trying to soothe her as he broke down. He rubbed her back with his flesh hand, his head dropping close to hers as he held her close. 

“I didn’t even get to say goodbye.” She sniffed sadly, her eyes puffy and cheeks red from the crying. Her face was lightly stained with red lines from where her tears had fallen, the salty liquid stinging her skin.

Bucky let out the breath he’d been holding in shakily, his heart aching at her words. Their burning cheeks touched as Bucky’s hand came up to massage the back of her head. He felt so responsible for Steve not coming back. “I’m sorry.” 

She stayed there in his arms, his chest rising and falling against her side as she closed her stinging eyes. She inhaled the scent of his cologne, feeling safe in his lap as her heartbeat began to steady itself. 

Bucky noticed the way her head pressed limply further against his bearded cheek, turning his head to face her as his hand cradled the back of her neck. “It’s gunna be okay.” He whispered as a soft smile washed over his reddened face, noticing her falling asleep in his arms.

”Will you stay with me tonight?” She whispered tiredly, her eyes blinking rapidly as she fought the inevitable exhaustion. “Please Buck, I don't want to be alone.”

A selfish wave of relief washed over Bucky as he held her, still processing Steve’s absence himself, he thanked his lucky stars that at least for one night, he wouldn’t have to be alone.

———

Weeks of Steve being gone had turned into months, his absence left a void, an emptiness that was inevitably never going away, both for Bucky and Y/N.

“Y/N?” Bucky’s voice deepened with concern as he threw the car keys in the fruit bowl, being warned of her bad state by F.R.I.D.A.Y as soon as he’d walked in through the front door. “Y/N.” He called out again, picking up his pace as he rushed through the compound to find her. 

“She’s in Mr Roger’s room, Sergeant Barnes.” the AI spoke as Bucky began to panic, his heart sinking as he burst through the door of Cap’s old bedroom. No one had gone in there since he’d left, not even Y/N. 

But that’s where she was, lying on the floor, looking up at the blank ceiling. Bucky sighed with his eyes closed before he walked over to her slowly, aware of her almost unconscious state. 

His heart sped up immediately as he was hit with wave upon wave of memories of his best friend. The smell of the room, the shelves covered with small trinkets that were important to him, his record collection, the framed photo of Y/N and Steve next to his neatly made bed. It was all too overwhelming.

“What did you do, Doll?” He breathed out sadly as he crouched down next to her, his flesh fingers tracing over the empty bottle of asgardian liquor that lay in her limp hand. He carefully took the bottle from her, his eyes looking up at hers, glazed over with dilated pupils.

Y/N kept her head facing the ceiling, only moving her eyes to glance over at him. “I got lost.” She mumbled almost inaudibly, catching a hiccup in her throat as her eyes closed. 

How could she tell Bucky the truth when it was so silly. She’d gone in there to talk to him. No, she wasn’t crazy, she knew he wasn’t going to be there. She thought she would find comfort in being around his belongings, that it would make her feel connected to him. But it didn’t work.

Bucky sighed, letting his fingers intertwine with hers as he held her hand. His thumb rubbed over her skin soothingly as he bit the inside of his lip, the helpless feeling inside of him was starting to become permanent. He desperately wanted to help her, to make everything okay. But there was nothing he could do except be there for her.

“I wasn't good enough for him.” Her words made Bucky’s heart ache with sadness, his eyes closing as he squeezed her hand a little tighter. “Maybe if I was better, he would've stay-” 

“Don’t say that.” Bucky shook his head, his voice cracking a little. Y/N was the most beautiful, funny, talented girl he’d ever met. The more time he spent with her, the more he realised that. It hurt him to hear her say that she wasn’t good enough, that she had convinced herself that was the reason Steve had left. Bucky cursed Steve in his head, frustrated with what his decision to leave had done to her.

Y/N blamed herself for Steve not coming back. She hated herself for not being a good enough reason for him to stay. She sat up most nights trying to figure out exactly what it was that made him decide to go, but she couldn’t understand it.

"I thought he loved me.” Bucky felt the tears streaming down his face as he squeezed his eyes shut tightly. It physically pained him to hear how much she was hurting, the constant torment going on inside of her mind. How lost she felt, how deep Steve’s leaving had cut her up inside.

“He did, Y/N. He still does.” Bucky’s words spluttered out between sniffs. The alcohol was helping to numb Y/N’s pain, her tears silently rolling down her cheeks instead of her usual aching whimpers and heavy breathing. 

“He didn’t even say goodbye.” She mumbled painfully, her wording changing from the perspective she’d had a few weeks ago. Her sleepless nights had given her more than enough time to think, and she’d come to the conclusion that Steve knew what his plan was, so he had the chance to say goodbye, to be upfront and tell her, but he didn’t. Why? The most obvious answer in Y/N’s mind was because he didn’t care, not about her anyway. “Don’t sit there and tell me you do that to someone you love.”

Bucky stayed silent for a moment, pondering in his own thoughts as Y/N went back to staring at the ceiling. At some point since he’d left, Bucky had questioned continuing to defend his best friend. Bucky had watched what Steve’s decisions had done to Y/N, what his actions were still doing to her and in Bucky’s eyes, nothing on earth was worth causing her this much sadness. 

“C’mon, Doll. You’re tired, I know. Let me take you to bed.” He whispered through his heavy breathing as he scooped her up, lifting her body effortlessly as he cradled her in his arms. Y/N didn’t object, nuzzling her face into his chest as her arms wrapped around Bucky’s neck.

Bucky going go bed with Y/N had become routine most nights since the first time she’d asked him to stay with her, they both enjoyed the company and knew neither of them expected anything more than a warm body to hold.

He carried her down the hall until they reached her room, laying her carefully on the bed once they were inside. He pushed the loose hair away from her face, rubbing his thumb lovingly over her cheek as he admired her. 

“I’m just getting you some comfy clothes, I’ll be right back.” Bucky whispered as he leaned over her, pressing a gentle kiss on her forehead. She nodded softly, not taking her eyes off of him as he she watched him move around the room. 

Y/N was beyond grateful for Bucky, he’d been by her side the whole time. Whenever she needed him, he was right there. She felt guilty for lashing out at him sometimes, when all he’d ever done was shower her with love and patience. She wondered if he’d had time himself to process Steve leaving, or if he was suppressing his emotions in order to support her. Either way, Bucky had always made sure that she never felt completely alone, he took pride in looking after her, sometimes it was the only distraction from his destructive thoughts.

“Here you go.” He hummed sweetly, sliding his hand under her back to lift her torso up from the mattress. She sat up obediently as Bucky’s hand let go of her, turning around so that she could get changed privately. 

She smiled shyly at his gentlemanly ways, somewhat reminded of the way Steve was. She looked down at her body as she pulled her shirt over her head, maybe if she looked like a supermodel, Steve would’ve stayed. 

She blinked rapidly to contain her tears, her lips dropping into a pout as she quickly changed into the clothes Bucky had set out for her. A sudden wave of self consciousness hit her as she turned her body to face away from Bucky, laying back down on the bed to hide her body under the covers.

“It’s okay if you want to leave, Buck. I understand.” Her voice came out as a whimper, her eyes dropping to look down at the mattress as she heard Bucky turn back around to face her. 

He sighed sadly as he looked down at her curled up alone on the bed, wishing she knew that he needed her as much as she needed him. He knew after tonight that she was blaming herself for Steve leaving, forcing herself to feel unworthy and unloved. 

“Hey,” Bucky called out to her softly, pulling back his side of the blanket as he slid in beside her. He gently rotated her body to face him, her eyes avoiding his as he pulled her against his chest. “I’m not going anywhere. I pro-” 

“Don’t.” She cut him off, shaking her head as she slid her arms up around his neck. “Don’t make any promises.” Her heartbeat quickened as the sadness engulfed her. “Please.”

Y/N woke up the next morning in a dream like daze, feeling strong arms wrapped tightly around her, her cheek pressed against a warm chest rising and falling in a slow rhythm.

“Steve?” She whispered out sweetly, it was the first moment of peace she’d had in months. Then reality came crashing down on her, remembering Steve was gone. Bucky heard her say it, it was the first time she’d said Steve’s name since he left, his whole body froze as his heart ached sympathetically for her. 

Y/N sighed sadly, pressing her face further into Bucky’s chest as she began uncontrollably sobbing. Wave upon wave of misery flooded her body as Bucky rubbed her back under the thin material of her t-shirt, trying his best to soothe her. 

“Shhhh,” Bucky whispered gently, his metal hand playing with the back of her hair as he held her close. “It’s gunna be okay.”

Bucky had repeated Steve’s words to her almost every day, not that she knew they were Steve’s words, but he didn’t know if he was saying them to comfort her or himself. Either way, as time went on, it was getting harder to believe that it was going to be okay.

———

Y/N had taken a nap for the first time in almost six months. She’d woken up to an empty bed, an unusual occurrence, especially since Bucky had been wrapped up in her arms when she’d fallen asleep.

They’d grown so close since Steve had left, their friendship had blossomed into an unbreakable bond, a deep connection that no one could explain. They understood each other on a level of complexity that formed so rarely it was unheard of. They relied on each other.

She padded softly down the hallway, heading towards the sound of Bucky’s voice coming from the common area. She slowed her steps, gliding her palm along the cold wall as she caught part of his conversation.

“No, I can’t do this anymore.” Bucky hissed to whoever was on the other end of the phone, his voice agitated yet quiet, as if he didn’t want to be heard. “I’ve made up my mind. I’m leaving.”

Y/N’s heart sunk deep into her chest, her head spinning in disbelief as she moved into view of the doorway just in time to see Bucky hang up the phone.

“Bucky?” She whimpered sadly, her chest heaving as it tightened around her heart, her eyes widened innocently as her bottom lip quivered. “You’re leaving?”

Bucky looked up at where she was standing, his eyebrows arching in panic as he realised what she’d walked into. “Y/N.” He started deeply, a lump forming in his throat as he watched her react. “I can explain.”

She shook her head rapidly as she squeezed her eyes shut, a bubbling sense of betrayal and anger erupted in her body. “You’re just the same as he is!” She yelled as she felt tears welling up in her eyes, turning to run back to her room as she thought about going through the process of losing someone again. She couldn’t take it.

She slammed the door behind her, bursting into tears as she paced around her room, slightly hyperventilating as the fear overwhelmed her.

“Y/N,” Bucky burst through her bedroom door, shutting it loudly behind him without a care as he walked over to her. “Calm down.”

She shook her head as Bucky grabbed her by her upper arms, forcing her to stop pacing as she hung her head to avoid his eye contact. “Were you even going to tell me?”

“Stop.” Bucky’s voice hardened as he tried to get her to listen, his eyes softening with worry as his heart raced.

“Or were you just going to leave without saying goodbye?” She disobeyed his command, her anger turning into sadness as she looked up into his gorgeous blue eyes.

“Listen to me,” He spoke softly, gripping onto her arms tightly as his thumbs rubbed over of skin. She looked away from his eyes, her eyebrows arching in sadness as she anticipated what he was going to say. “I’m not going anywhere.”

“I can’t lose you too, Bucky. I can’t.” She panicked as she thought about losing Bucky the same way she’d lost Steve. She wanted to believe him, but how could she possibly know if he was telling the truth? Her lips stayed in a pout, her eyes glued to the right of his body.

Bucky sighed in frustration, his heart broke knowing she didn’t believe him. “Look at me!” He spoke loudly, shaking her arms a little as her glossy eyes finally met his. “I’m not going anywhere, okay?”

Y/N lifted her hands to hold onto the material of his shirt over his stomach, holding him close as if it would keep him there forever. “I heard you on the phone, Buck.”

“Yeah, I know.” Bucky smiled softly, slightly relieved that she was listening to him now as he admired her face. His flesh hand moved up to cup her cheek, rubbing her temple with his thumb. “You heard me telling Fury that I’m leaving, as in leaving the team, not leaving you.” He shook his head, his eyebrows arching as a sympathetic look covered his face.

Her eyes looked up at him with a soft sparkle that he hadn’t seen in a long time, he let out a shaky breath, his eyes softening as he smiled down at her. “You’re really not leaving?”

He shook his head as he watched her sigh in relief, his arms wrapping around her to hold her close. “I’m not going anywhere, doll.”

“Trust me, Y/N.” Bucky whispered as he admired her face, his thumb rubbing across her cheek soothingly. “It’s gunna be okay.” Something about the way Steve said those words made it sounds true, but when Bucky heard himself say it, it was hard for him to believe.

———

“What the hell am I supposed to tell Y/N?” Bucky looked over at his oldest friend, his eyes saddened with stress and responsibility. “She’s gunna ask questions, Steve.”

“Tell her I’ve left. That I’m not coming back.” Steve instructed the long haired super-soldier, sadly running his hand through his blonde hair.

“And you think she’s just gunna accept that?” Bucky shook his head as he kicked a pebble next to his foot absentmindedly. He looked back up at Cap, trying to make him understand. “She loves you, Steve.”

“Bucky, you know I have to do this.” Steve pressed his lips together as he looked sympathetically over at Bucky. His decision wasn’t an easy one, and his best friend trying to change his mind was only making it harder. “I’m leaving her with my best pal.”

Steve grabbed Bucky’s shoulder reassuringly, witnessing the distress on his face, what Steve was asking him to do was huge. “It’s gunna be okay, Buck.”

Bucky sighed, trusting that Steve knew what was best as he wrapped his arms around his friend to say goodbye. “No matter what happens, she can never find out the truth, Buck.”

tag list:

@harrysthiccthighss

@annestine

@bestofbucky

@be-patient-be-good

@nothing0is4here

@velvetcardiganbucky

@sexwithhiddlesbatch

@codyl-angdon​

[tanaka-ryunosakes-husband]

kageyama x male reader - confessing to his super loud and chaotic crush only to make him blush and be speechless for once

Okay bet! Thanks for this!!! This was actually really challenging. Creating a character that is chaotic without making it seem forced is difficult.

But! It was a great challenge,! and thank you so much for sending in a request it means a lot! I hope you like it! Sorry for no cut off. I’m on mobile and don’t have easy access to a computer atm. I was only planning on doing small blurbs. Wtf happened to small blurbs? Also sorry it took so long.

Kageyama always has a hard time focusing in class. It’s just boring. Though, he has a new reason this time. You. Kageyama didn’t like you at first, reminded him too much of Hinata or Nishinoya. He didn’t even play volleyball. What would they talk about together?

Somehow you always found a way to talk to him. Sometimes it was complimenting his hair, or drink of choice. -Something about calcium making your bones stronger? At some point you wouldn’t stop talking to Kageyama. He would just talk and talk and talk- How did he have so much to say?

Kageyama first realized he was fond of you when you brought him a snack to afternoon practice because you noticed his stomach growling at the end of classes. Hinata recognized you first.

~~~~~~

“Hey Kageyama, isn’t that the kid who always sits next to you at lunch?” He turns to see you in the doorway. After slipping off your regular shoes, you lunged at him. Jumping onto his back and clinging onto him like a Koala. Somehow not smashing the food you brought him in the process.

“Kageyama! You seemed hungry before you came here! And I know exercise can be rough if you don’t have enough fuel! Like a car! You can go very far with an empty tank. Do I brought you some gas! Don’t worry though,! it’s unleaded. Premium quality.” Dropping off his back and turning to bow slightly to respect the seniors who let you in, you took a moment to breath. “I got a banana and a yogurt. I also have some pork curry buns. I’ve seen how much you can eat! You’re like a large animal with your stomach. But somehow you’re still juman sized and that’s pretty cool-“

“Sorry to interrupt, but we have to actually practice,” I guy with short dark hair puts his hand on your shoulder. You’d almost think he’s the club advisor if he wasn’t wearing a student uniform.

“Oh! Sorry! I get so carried away sometimes. Carried. You can’t carry the ball in volleyball, right? So how do you have so much control. Oh! You seem like a super leadership role type of guy. Maybe you have magic powers to tell the ball where to go. Lead the ball into making points for you. Like. Like. Oh! Like a leash. No…. That’s not right. Like the line leader back in elementary school! You lead the class to the assembly’s ‘n’ stuff.” You jump a little at the door opening. So lost in your tangent, that you forgot where you were.

“Who’s that?” A blonde dude with piercings and a headband asks.

“I’m Kageyama’s friend! He had a small lunch and I wanted him to be able to practice good so I brought him a snack. He’s like a horse or cow with how much he eats. But he uses it all up with volleyball and getting so tall. It’s rude of him to get so tall. Like, bro! Leave some height for the rest of us am I right? Or am I right?” Your phone rings at that. You forgot about your club duties. “I have to go! Kageyama, remember to eat enough next time!” At that, you left.

Tsukishima sighs like he just ran a marathon. “I though Nishinoya-San was bad. That guy actually noticed the size of your lunch? He barely noticed Daichi-San trying to talk to him. What a weirdo.”

~~~~~~

Kageyama grew to really like listening to your tangents at lunch. He was grateful when they interrupted class so he could take a break. He missed them during Tokyo training camps. Most of all, he just liked seeing you excited.

~~~~~~

Kageyama first realized he was more than a little fond of you when you showed up to the first game of the Spring Tourney preliminaries. He was used to only the Alumni’s coming to cheer them on. You were right there with them and Yachi.

~~~~~~

“They all look like a punch of punks, don’t they Yachi?” Karasuno’s first match for the spring tournament was against Ohgiminami. Unable to catch up with Kageyama before warmups you had to settle for calling out his name from the viewing deck. “Though, I guess we have a few that look like punks ourselves. Oh! Oi! Kageyama! Do your best out there!”

He looked up at the stands shocked. Why were you here? Did you like someone on the team? I hope not. I want him to like me. Oh my god I want him to like me.

~~~~~~

Kageyama confessed when you showed up to nationals. Right beside everyone else, cheering him on. You were able to stay with family and didn’t have to worry about paying for a hotel, so it was an easy choice to come.

He sent you a text to meet him outside the inn, he wanted to talk to you.

~~~~~~

“Kageyama! I’m so glad you texted me! You played great out there, it’s good you adapted to the new arena nicely. It’s so exciting! You made it to nationals! First year of high school! You made the difference!” You kept rambling on for a while, as Kageyama tried to find a pause to talk.

Eventually he got so exasperated that he just forced a pause. “I really like you, okay?! I want to date you! And do all the dating things! I want you to be my boyfriend!” He squeezed his eyes shut, afraid you might get mad and yell at him.

He honestly hoped you would ramble in agreement with him, but that didn’t happen. You said nothing. Might as well check. The first thing he saw when he opened his eyes was red. Your face was so red it looked like you got sunburnt. You were speechless. Stuttering, even. You. Stuttering. You? Stuttering?

Frustrated with your own inability to say something you decided to just hug him. Having been prepared for the worst this confused and excited him. It took him a bit to actually hug you back.

Finally finding your words, you whispered into his shoulder, “I like you too. A lot. I want to be your boyfriend.” He squeezed you tighter.

~~~~~~

Your days of high school flew by super quickly. It’s your two year anniversary and your third year of high school. Wanting Kageyama to rest, you decided to stay in and have a relaxed date. Doing some self-care, eating all kinds of snacks, and watching your favorite movies together. It was perfect.

~~~~~~

“We should go to bed. You need your rest, you have to leave for nationals in a couple days, now is the time to let your body heal and prepare. Okay?” He nodded sleepily into your chest. Both wrapped in several blankets and wearing big hoodies it felt like the perfect nest. Neither of you moved to get up.

You decided it’s fine to sleep here, and kisses the top of his head. He looked up with droopy eyes and messy hair, puckering his lips for a real kiss.

The kiss was deep and full of love, his mouth left a little salty from the snacks from earlier. But he smelled just like himself. He smelled like home. You smiled into the kiss that you never wanted to end.

[andraaste]

I am not your enemy - Lance fanfiction part 16

The Chapter is finally out my Guardians 🐉

Chapter 16 : In the deepest memories of the last of the dragons

My hands would follow their path taken for several minutes, forming various abstract forms of their weak caresses. Many chills arose from time to time with my fingers when I explored new areas but no protest was ever heard, which prompted me to venture out again and again, savoring this almost suspended moment in time.

Blinking hard with white lids in the dim daylight streaming through the curtains, my gaze fell for a moment on the long locks that partially obscured Lance's sleeping face. With his head resting on my bare chest, he didn't seem to want to wake up from his deep sleep, an arm slung over my request now firmly pressed against him.

I directed my caresses a little higher until I reached a scaly area on his shoulder. Fascinated, I drew each outline as if to come to memorize them, surprised to feel them vibrate with each passage of my fingers.

It had been some time since I realized one thing. One thing who, each time he let me see it, filled my heart a little more with new feelings.

More and more often in my presence, Lance seemed to forget his barriers. So sometimes the young man let an infinite number of improbably colored scales run over his skin while, at other times, his ice ran through my body without any logic, drawing complex and involuntary shapes. I’m always surprised at the sweetness of these manifestations, yet they are born of a raw, primitive nature. Because despite his human appearance, Lance was nonetheless a dragon whose instincts he had and, beyond the brutality that accompanied some, I loved to see him let go. I had the impression that in those rare moments when the barrier between his two forms was weakening, he could finally relax, really be himself.

But to share with him this moment of physical intimacy In purely instinctive outbursts, he loved to mark me with his presence, ranging from his powers to his scent and at times, to his claws. Lance had been unintentionally brutal at times, but was it strange if I admitted that I absolutely loved every moment ?

The dragon pulled me out of my reveries, stirring lightly. Lifting his face with still sleeping features, he arched an eyebrow as he analyzed the situation, his gaze drifting over our still naked bodies. My breath quickened as one of his hands lingered on the slope of my hip as his eyes were already dark with desire. Without warning, he tightened his embrace and rocked over me. His long hair tickled my face as he leaned down to explore every inch of my neck, making me moan in spite of myself with languor.

- Hello, my angel, he said in a hoarse voice against my skin.

I wrapped my arms around his broad shoulders as a weary smile stretched my lips.

- Hello, my great dragon.

Lance laughed in the crook of my collarbone as he let his icy hands rest on my thighs, causing goose bumps to grow in the grooves of his palms. His lips entered the slope of my jaw, and when they finally met mine, it was with some authority that he lifted my legs on either side of his narrow hips.

We kissed for a long time, our tongues meeting without delay to deepen our embrace. Between my legs, I felt him pulsing more and more vigorously, increasing with maddening speed the desire that had not left me.

- You do well not to forget in whose arms you find, he amused himself in a voice with a much deeper sound than usual.

I dug my nails vigorously into his muscular back as his hips pushed against my lower abdomen.

- How could I, exactly ? I questioned him with difficulty, so much the least of his gestures obsessed me. You don't really help me forget it...

- It's true that I can't keep my human form completely, with you.

- I don't mind, you know, I said with a laugh.

A gentle smile lit up his face, which features often so harsh. In a light mood, the dragon lifted my chin with his fingers to orient my face in his direction. I plunged without hesitation into his eyes which had occupied all my thoughts for several weeks.

Becoming serious again, we didn’t say the least for several long seconds, we observe with a heavy look of meaning.

- Andraste...

I knew what was going on in his head.

We.

Our relationship, our past, our present... To be in each other's arms was absurd, totally unconventional and we were both deeply aware of it. What would become of each other once we got out of this room ?

Nothing. There was absolutely nothing we could become for each other. And we knew it.

Deciding to stop our respective paths of thought, I crossed the short distance between us, feverishly pressing my lips against his. I kissed him with anger, despair, envy. I placed my fears in those powerful hands that encircled my hips, those greedy lips that devoured mine as if to come and seek some breath. I needed to feel him losing control, needed to drown in his eyes that screamed at me that they loved me.

Or at least, during these short, resolutely forbidden moments.

- Please, don't say anything, I said between two kisses, starting to move my pelvis against his. We'll have plenty of time to worry about this later.

Seeming to consider my words at first, Lance suddenly planted one of his hands on my hip as I shifted more and more vigorously under his weight that crushed me. Not giving me time to think, he shamelessly slipped two fingers inside me without ever taking my eyes off suddenly feverish. Reaching my guard, he stirred slowly but confidently, torturing me with his thumb a little higher. My God, I had never wanted someone so much, I was sure.

Each of his movements made a myriad of sensations explode in the pit of my stomach, making me turn my head with his precise gestures. My pelvis quickly accompanies his fingers, guiding them silently while each of my moans is found drawn to his lips. When a multitude of stars erupted in my field of vision, I firmly grabbed his throat as he led me over the edge of the precipice without warning.

As I lost ground, I noticed with a blank eye that my light was diffused into him. Starting from the base of his neck just under my palm, it illuminated him tanned skin with its bright, warm colors. In this story, it wasn't Lance who lost control the most.

I think it was me.

Not that I ever really had control over my powers, that would have been lying. But I no longer control anything. My emotions, my fears, my desires; I was constantly jostled, tossed about between everything.

When the dragon in turn realized that I was marking him without permission with my light, he groaned in satisfaction before promptly removing his fingers from my privacy. I didn't have time to figure out what was happening to me as I already found myself astride him, Lance having grabbed me to reverse our places, his hands feverishly running my back as his tongue attacked my chest. Tilting my head back, I let his hungry mouth move up to my ear, biting my skin with his suddenly sharper teeth until it slightly marked me.

With one hand, I pushed him away in order to come and press his back authoritatively against the mattress. His gaze darkens again as I lean over him, starting a slow descent from his abdomen. Another gasp escaped him as my palm met his erection, slowly working its way up from the base to the end, never taking my eyes away from his. Lance slid his fingers in an inordinately gentle gesture through my hair to achieve my face, making it easier for me. His hands began to shake slightly when I finally took him in my mouth, unable to fully accommodate him as long as he was imposing.

His breathing quickened as I started my task, fascinated to be able to discover him in my turn as he had done that night with my body. Very soon, I heard him utter several quiet moans which excited me to the highest point before he hastily tugged at my hair to make me lift my head. Bluntly, he pulled me up to him while vigorously grabbing my lips, framing my face with his large hands.

- I think I want you too much, my angel.

*

The water hit my head heresy, hitting my long hair hard against my shoulders. How long have I been wandering here ? My eyes narrowed at the force of the rain that fell on me, I moved forward as in a kind of constant blur.

My gaze was followed by a small shadow which is quickly in front of me. Running under the downpours, she didn't seem to feel them, moving freely in the surrounding darkness. I put a feverish hand in front of my face to try to make out something around, having lost the figure between the trees. Sailing blind, a childish laugh catches my attention as I push two branches in my path. Deciding to follow the sound of that unfamiliar voice, I sank deeper into what looked like a real maze.

The closer I got to the shadow, the more it seemed to take shape before my eyes. Very soon, I could make out rainbow-colored hair that blended into pale skin, accompanied by two small horns. The young girl was running innocently, as light as the air despite the brutality of the force of nature that fell on me. My heart skipped a beat when I thought I was losing sight of her again, which prompted me to pick up my pace even more. I stumbled many times, sliding across the muddy ground, hitting oversized roots. The thundering sound of the rain covered the sound of my frantic breath, my hair clinging to my face, entering my mouth, sticking to my eyelashes. My sight was diminishing, darkness absorbed me with its cold arms.

I didn't know what to do anymore, I was lost.

But suddenly the little girl's big silent eyes appeared in front of me. An arm outstretched in my direction, she invited me to join, as bright as the sun. When my fingers made contact with her skin, the scenery changed completely, making my head spin at breakneck speed.

The movements finally calmed down. I immediately recognized the Crystal Room, but it wasn’t the one I knew now.

Several people with unfamiliar faces stood in front of me. With serious faces, they were discussing without seeming to notice my presence.

- He will be the one we send there.

- A Guard Chief, when the situation is totally out of control there ?!

- He's far too young !

- Bring him in, cut in the man who seemed to be the decision-maker here.

A shiver ran through my back as the door opened wide, letting slow, sure footsteps echo through the room. When the young man in question passes close to me, brushing my right arm in the process, a sharp sensation marked my skin under my sleeve. He seemed to feel it too, for the expression on his face changed for a brief moment, almost flustered. His gaze caressed mine without actually seeing me.

- Lance, we were expecting you.

Continuing on his way, a confident smile widened the full lips of the dragon with such youthful features.

- Please excuse me for being late, Master Kaze.

Completely caught up with what was happening in front of my eyes, I was surprised to find the young girl's little fingers wrapped around my forearm. When I turned my head in her direction, the world shifted once again.

A companion collapsed at my feet, spurting blood against my legs. A violent gag took hold of me when its organs fell from the gaping wound that sawed through its stomach. Horrified, I backed up several meters when my attention was signaled by a huge dragon crashing into the rocks not far from me, all with a thudding noise. In a last rattle that comes back to my stomach, the creature collapses to the ground before taking on a semi-human form. Tears flooded my cheeks as I rushed over to him.

- LANCE !

My voice creaked, broke in my throat. I could only see the red puddle that gradually spread around his neck like a macabre web when my vision changed once again.

I was sitting on a bed in a windowless room. Beside me, a small gas light glowing faintly in the dark. Looking down, I noticed I was perfectly dry. No more blood stained my clothes.

- So if I understood correctly, you want to help me break this damn Crystal ?

A harsh laugh shook the broad shoulders of the young man as his interlocutor didn’t move a millimeter, perfectly stoic.

- You understood me very well, Ashkore. Do you want to make this deal, yes or no ?

Lance's gaze shone with a gleam that made my blood run cold. A carnivorous smile crossed his crazy-looking face.

- Very well, my dear deamon. But don't think you'll get me right.

The light suddenly went out, revealing once again the bluish color of the great Crystal.

Serenity reigned in the room. This time, no sound comes to disturb the religious calm of this atmosphere. A movement at the back of the room made me turn around anyway, revealing Lance once again.

Alone, casually assisting on the floor, his gaze didn’t seem to want to leave the luminescent jewel.

His eyes had never been so dark.

- That was the last time he was here, until you woke up.

I jumped at the sound of the small voice behind my back. The young girl stands there, motionless. I hesitated for a moment.

- Ophelia... where are we ? I questioned weakly, having her decide to disappear again.

Her expressionless gaze was lost for a moment in the void behind me. I thought she wouldn't answer me.

- In the deepest memories of the last of the dragons.

- But why ? What are we doing here ?

Walling herself in silence, she walked straight ahead until she crossed my body and passed to the other side.

- You have to find the answer for yourself, Andraste.

The recommended image to blur around me. No, not now, I had to catch up with her !

- Ophelia !

Abruptly opening my eyes, I woke up sweating in my bed, breathing heavily from my parted lips.

I was dumbfounded when I realized that tiny ice crystals were forming under my astonished gaze.

Damn, what happened to me ?

(Chapter 17)

[beelspillowpet]

could i get some hcs of the brothers (how many is up to you!!) with an epileptic MC? like, they end up having absence and myoclonic seizures, and maybe hurt themselves a bit? sorry if this is too specific adjkd it just happened to me this morning and. i accidentally flung my spoon across the room while eating cereal 🙈 i also stabbed myself in the eye with my thumb but Eh

OMG Anon!!! I hope you’re okay!? Seizures are really serious and dangerous, I hope you’re recovering alright?! Sending you a bunch of hugs and head pats u-u In other somewhat unrelated news, I’m glad people are so comfortable coming to me with these sorts of HCs. Means I really am doing an impactful job in my research and writing these sorts of things comfort you. It also helps me learn a little more about people's everyday struggles. Here’s to hoping for a bright future for you all!

I tried to include more symptoms and types of seizures (?) in this post, but I don’t think I was able to touch on them all? Usually when I do HCs like this, I have something like an “interview” with the asker beforehand to make sure I’m getting their experience probably, and a better understanding of the disorders. I hope this is portrayed properly!!! ~

Lucifer

He’s lecturing you, but pauses for a moment to question your reasoning for making pacts with his brothers. He’s expecting you to answer, but you don’t. You simply daze off at him. You weren’t trying to piss him off, but you weren’t all there in the moment. Your hands twitched and your hand accidently shot up behind you, as if you were pulling your hand away from a snapping dog. He took that as a warning.

The second time it occurred was over dinner. It was just you and him, enjoying the meal you prepared for dinner and waited for him to arrive home for it. You had another epileptic seizure, and spaced out for longer than normal.

When you came to, Lucifer was out of his chair at your side, checking to make sure you were alright. He was a bit rattled to say the least, but when he waved his hand in front of your eyes and they followed, he started to relax a bit more. He questioned what just happened, but with the slot of time missing in your brain, you couldn’t completely answer him.

It’s when you start jerking your body about uncontrollably, as if something is possessing you to behave in such a manner than he finally looks into it. Admittedly, he should have done so sooner, this isn’t normal behavior after all. What he discovers is a bit upsetting, as there’s no “cure” or “fix” for it. He doesn’t bring it up to you- you’re probably sensitive about the topic. But he’s far more patient with you now, knowing that these seizures are just a part of your life.

Mammon

Oh what the fuck was that? Are ya’ good? You just kinda... slapped the fuck out of yourself there? Why’d you do that?

This pea-brain probably doesn’t pick up on too many symptoms at first. You’re just his weird, hopeless human. While that’s nice, a little more attention would be grateful.

“Hey Mammon, when did you dye your hair yellow?” “What’re ya talkin’ about? My hair is white.” “Huh, in this light it looks yellow. And did you get a tan?” He thinks you’re weird but it’s okay. It sort of offends you that he thinks this way, it’s not like you’re doing this on purpose. You genuinely thought he dyed his hair yellow- and that he darkened his skin.

There are also times when he uses the same cologne but something smells different about it. The whiplash of suddenly having one smell and then be overwhelmed by something entirely different, or have this random dizziness... well, at least Mammon is always there to catch you if you lose your balance. As much of an airhead as he is, he’s still a helpful and supportive one.

Leviathan

Your seizures scare the shit out of them. You have the worst ones with him because while in his room, the bright flashing lights are somehow worse. Brighter, even more than before, and before you know it you’re having an out of body experience, feeling your body twitch and tremor, but unable to stop it.

You can hear Leviathan freaking out in the distance, making sure you lay down flat and keep you from swallowing your own tongue. Despite having a panic attack after the fact, he’s relatively calm for the most part. He doesn’t have any real knowledge on these things yet, and he’s not sure if he’s prepared for it.

Other times you may just pace the floor as if thinking. You’re constantly rubbing your hands together, looking left and right erratically. Sometimes when you do this, you’re muttering nonsense, and other times, you’re silent. Leviathan isn’t sure which one is scarier.

He does research on why you behave this way sometimes. You don’t have them too often, but it’s happened at least three times and it’s scared him each time. When he discovers his solution, he tries to bring it up with you in a calm and quiet manner. Either that or he waits until next time because bringing it up unprompted can be awkward.

Satan

Oh. He knows what’s going on. He’s got doctor friends. He sort of just... asks. Just to be sure. Whether you tell him or not, he knows what’s really going on here. He won’t judge. Obviously not. You can’t control your behavior with those sorts of things.

He’s aware that seizures can kick up anywhere, so he watches you carefully. You could have one while walking down the steps and end up falling and hurting yourself. You could get one while preparing dinner and accidently stab yourself- or you can even get one while driving. He’s always prepared to take over for you when you need it.

There was one time you finally did come to him. To confide in him about your problems. It was silly, you thought. Why would he listen? Except he set aside his book, turned in his chair to you, and listened. He never interrupted, and only spoke when you were taking a moment to breathe through your tears.

He was there for you, and he would never try to upset you. He knows how scary these sorts of things can be. While he doesn’t struggle with the same issues, having depressive episodes are not lost on him. He would gladly welcome you into his arms for a hug, and make sure you’re at least safe in these awful times.

Asmodeus

You and Asmo were at the club when it happened. You’re dancing with each other one moment, and the next you’re on the floor convulsing. You were embarrassed once it was all over, but imagine how terrified Asmo was???

You come back to yourself still on the dirty floor of the club, but now people are surrounding you, all concerned. You see Asmodeus crying, not knowing what to do. He’s panicked, and he’s gently holding your hand, hoping you’re okay.

You two leave the club early, and in your guilt, explain to him what happened. Although you’re vague because you aren’t entirely sure of the details, he puts together enough to know it won’t be the last time that happens.

he clings to you afterwards, and doesn’t let go. Even if you involuntarily jerk and hit him by accident. He knows. He understands and he loves you, darling. You would never want to push him away, and he would never want you to go. Next time, he WILL do better for you.

Beelzebub

You two were playing sports together when he accidently tackled you too hard. You fell over and hit your head hard, causing you to fall into a shock-induced seizure.

He kneels there by your side crying. He knows what to do but every time he touches you, you jerk violently. As if you’re afraid of his touch, afraid of him making things worse. Still, he does his best to assist you, making sure you don’t swallow your tongue and that you don’t harm yourself any further.

Once it’s all over, he carries you to the benches and gives you food and water. He’s still crying a bit, not sure what he should do now. He probably calls Lucifer for help, and while waiting, just talks to you. Makes sure you’re still all there.

When he’s alone, he does a bit more research on seizures and comes across epilepsy. After going over what can cause the seizures, he’s riddled with even more guilt. You hit your head when he tackled you. He probably caused that seizure, didn’t he? From then on, he refuses to play sports with you. He could never forgive himself for putting you through that.

Belphegor

Of course it was a nap. What else would it be? You wake him up on accident when you kick your leg out too hard, knocking him off the bed. When he gets up to yell at you for doing that, he notices you aren’t really paying much attention to him. Instead you’re twitching your arms and legs, grunting and groaning at the pain in your limbs when you slap against the bedpost.

You’re blinking rapidly and your lips are moving, as if you’re trying to ask him for help. All that manages to come out is something similar to your lips smacking. Like Beel when he’s taste testing his dinner.

Once the seizure is over, Belphie is sitting you up slowly, petting your hand. He brings you into a hug as  you tremble in his arms, whispering that its okay and that he’s here now.

He’d never experienced something so... unsettling in his life. He wonders if humans do this sometimes. Sometimes after... traumatic experiences. He cringes at the thought. Could he have caused this unintentionally? He didn’t think that the one time he snapped, he would leave you with irreversible damage. He tries to be diligent in helping you from there on, doing his thorough research and making sure you are taken care of in all ways possible should these continue, or get worse. To him, it’s more than a reason to redeem himself, it’s just doing what’s right.

[thecl0wnwars]

Safe

(GN reader x Maul)

anxiety tw

grief/loss tw

brief self harm tw

slight blood tw

ptsd tw

pls read at your own risk, you’re responsible for what media you consume

-

In honour of my anxiety getting sososo much worse, I present to you: an angsty/fluffy imagine where the reader suffers from anxiety in the months after whilst trying to grapple with a close friends death and Maul comforts them to the best of his abilities, enjoy x

prompts: “you’re not alone. i’m here”, “take a deep breath”, “you don’t have to go through this alone”, “you’re safe”

“Everyone’s dismissed.” With a wave of his tattooed scarlet and black hand there’s the sound of chairs scraping against the tiled floor and mumbling voices lost on my ringing ears as a mixture of the Shadow Collective and Death Watch members begin to filter out of the meeting room after another long mission debrief. The last of them are rising from the table and as they grow out of earshot I see Maul slump over, façade beginning to slip. He exhales listlessly from his seat at the head of the slab of stone, head tilted in my direction. To his right, my usual seat is empty, and to his left, Savage leans down slightly to talk to him, whispered words not quite reaching my ears from my place at the opposite end of the table. Maul hums in recognition as his brother speaks, but he doesn’t seem to be paying much attention as I feel a pair eyes burning into the side of my face again, piercing me desperately.

I came in late to the meeting, ignoring the pitying looks from those around the table and the unflinching gold of my fiancé’s stare that had, on multiple occasions, broken away from the presentation and crossed the room to me and then to the empty seat on his right with a barely contained anxiety as he spoke throughout the conference, eyes unwavering in their attempt to gain my attention. My mind had been elsewhere though, stare pinned to the table before me as I worked myself through my racing thoughts. Physically, I was in Mandalore, mentally, I was back there.

I flinch at the awful memory, eyelids fluttering shut as scenes of my close friends death just a few months prior begin to play over in my head once more like a film stuck on replay. I should’ve been there, they’re dead because of me.

Inhaling sharply, I desperately try to push back the mental images of them lifeless, desperate to picture them any other way: smiling with their arm slung over my shoulder, sitting opposite me on the bed of their childhood home while we do our homework, laughing till they cried at a silly inside joke of ours, small pudgy fingers clinging to mine on our first day of school: determined to be together forever. So much for ’forever’ I think. It's no use, any memories I have of them are now brutalised. All I can picture is their face in my hands, slick with sweat, a dribble of ruby blood trickling from the corner of their mouth as they use the last of their strength to sputter out half-words I’m still unable to make sense of even now, almost a whole two months after the ordeal. I can still hear them though, crystal clear like they’re here with me now, voice raspy and broken and quickly beginning to blur out the sound of a chair harshly scraping against the marble floor and metal feet clambering against tile. I clench my now clammy hands into fists over the table, fingernails forming half-moon indents into the smooth skin of my palms as I screw my eyes shut and try to mask the memory of my hands covered in their blood - pressing against the gaping wounds in their torso - with the pain of my nails now breaking skin. It’s what I deserve, I think, I couldn’t even save them, couldn’t even hear their last words. My fault, my fault, my fault.

I’m acutely aware of the sound of my heartbeat stuck in my throat, thrumming at too fast a pace against my throbbing chest. I lift my bleeding hands to either side of my face, a gasp leaving my parted lips as I hunch over – curling into myself protectively, ”Not this again,” I whimper aloud. This is my third panic attack since this week, three out of the countless others I’ve endured these past few months. You’d think that would mean that by now I’d be used to it, that I’d be able to control them, but if anything, they’ve just gotten worse and worse.

“My fault, my fault, my fault.”

“Y/N!”

My eyes spring open at the sound my name being shouted, y/e/c orbs blinking to find the same stone expanse of the table staring back at me, and then a red hand slips into my field of vision, dipping to press against my sternum as it pushes me upright again. Maul.

I’m vaguely aware of my back softly hitting the splat of the chair behind me, eyelids blinking open and closed, and with each flutter releases a trickle a salty tears I hadn’t realised I’d been holding in until now. The conference room is empty, Savage nowhere to be seen, and my chair has been turned to face Maul as his lean figure hunches over in front of me protectively. I begin to relax into my seat once again at his presence, breathing in shaky bursts as I feel his hands slide from my front to my grasp at my still-clenched fists. Warm and steady fingers then begin to work apart my vice-like grip, unravelling my shaking appendages from my battered palms as his patiently flattens each hand and then interlaces them with his own. As he does this, I find myself angling into him, his familiar touch grounding me momentarily. Amongst the havoc of my mind he offers me a temporary calm, a safe haven. I never want him to stop touching me. Lately he’s the only thing keeping my steady when all I want to do is fall apart.

“‘M sorry,” I eventually mumble out, still breathless.

He audibly gulps and then crouches until our faces are level, resting the expanse of his forehead against the clammy skin of my own, humming at me as I shudder and our foreheads clatter together a moment. “Y/N, darling,” his voice is like honey, pleading as his lips press a gentle kiss to the tip my nose. “Take a deep breath,” he continues, his own fanning across my flushed face as he coos at me.

I nod, eyes sliding shut again as I attempt to zero in on his voice, squeezing his hands while I try to replace the feeling of blood and flesh and cavernous wounds I know I can’t mend with the familiar security of my lovers palms. Despite this, more tears begin to helplessly leak from the corners of my eyes, heavy and trailing down my cheeks now like streams of water as a broken sob finds its way up my throat and escapes my parted lips, “I-I can’t stop! I can’t stop seeing them, hearing them. I-” my next words lost as my breath hitches in my throat, aching as I begin to gasp for air that simply evades me once more. Panic sets in again, adrenaline pumping through my veins as the sound of my dead friends last whimpers fills my ears.

I’m brought back only by the sound of Maul’s voice breaking through once again, “I know, I know,” he murmurs down at me, tone pained as he lifts his lips to my forehead and presses an urgent kiss into my heated skin. “I am sorry, my starlight. You do not deserve this pain.”

I choke again, furiously shaking my head. He’s wrong. I do deserve this pain. My closest friend, the person I’ve known all my life, who knows me better than me, is dead. Gone. Forced out of existence. I could’ve stopped it, helped them. I should have. We were supposed to be there for each other. “It hurts.” I gasp, my body trembling as another broken wail leave my lips. I’m there again, my throat tightening as I begin to blur the lines between the sweat from my hands and the blood I spent hours scrubbing off after that mission on that ride back to Mandalore without them.

I barely register his fingers squeezing mine, still clinging to me as he pulls away slightly to look at me again, “Breathe, darling,” he urges, a note of panic in his voice. But it’s like I’ve forgotten how, the air robbed from my lungs for what feels like a eternity, for a moment I’m sure I’ll suffocate and die. Just like them. Dead. Gone. My fault, my fault, my fault-

“Y/N.” My eyes snap open again, chest still heaving as my fiancé’s saffron eyes abruptly replace the images of blood and death. He hadn’t yelled, barely even spoke loud enough to create an echo across the room, its his tone of voice that drags me back to reality again, agonised at the sight of me and full of distress. “I’m here,” he murmurs, “I am here. Let me help you, my love.”

I gulp, eyelids once again falling closed a moment as I work on steadying my rapid breathing, swallowing away the lump in my throat. My heart still thrums persistently in my chest but the pain of suffocation eases as I realise: I’m not dying. All the while, Maul peppers my face with lingering kisses, whispering loving, calming words into my feverish skin.

A long moment passes before I finally open my eyes again, lifting my gaze to see that he’s already watching me, intense stare scanning my face for anymore signs of hysteria and panic. “I’m OK,” I eventually speak, squeezing his fingers reassuringly as I then untangle my hands from his, wiping the sweat from my palms onto the legs of my pants. “I-I’m sorry,” I begin, only to be cut off as he brings his hands to cup either side of my face, calloused skin tenderly stroking away tears and angling my face so we’re eye to eye once more. We lock gazes, his laced with an ever-present concern, a juxtaposition to his calm and grounding expression. “You have nothing to apologise for, you did nothing wrong. It’s not your fault.”

In spite of his confident reassurance I sigh dejectedly, my stare beginning to trail away from him. They should still be here, would still be here, if I had only gotten to them sooner.

“It is not your fault,” he repeats as if reading my mind, this time with more force, calloused thumbs rubbing against my cheeks to regain my attention. “Not your fault. You did everything you could. And it’s hard, I know it’s hard, but you do not have to do this alone. I won’t let you.”

“They should still be here,” I utter at last, voice coarse and raspy with emotion. But they’re not. I exhale shakily, opening my mouth and closing again as words begin fail me. They’ve always been here, it’s always been me and them, and now it’s just me... and Maul. I flicker my gaze back up to him and sigh, melting to putty in his embrace. I’d be a mess without him.

Mumbling another apology that he brushes off, I lift my hands find the back of his neck and pull him into me. Our foreheads gently bump together, eyes slotting closed as my lips find his, my mouth pressing against his own with a feverish want. His kiss is a welcome distraction from the now faint ringing in my ears and my still racing thoughts. I sigh into it, putting all the words that I can’t bring myself to utter and all the feelings I can’t even begin to find the words for into our locked embrace, quickly going dizzy from the lack of oxygen.

He pulls away after a moment longer, both of us pausing to catch our breaths. As I shakily inhale, I lift my eyes to see his are still closed, forehead glued to mine as a temporary calm begins to set in, “I’m here,” he mumbles into the small gap between our lips. “I love you, and I’m here,” he continues his mantra, pulling me into him again. I’m carefully lifted from my spot, cradled into the security of his arms as he takes a seat on the chair I’d just occupied. “You’re safe,” the words flitter from his lips again like a promise, and as I bury my head into the crook of his neck, I think I believe him. For the first time in weeks I know: I don’t need to carry the burden of my loss on my own anymore, I’m safe.

_

please note that not everyone’s experiences with anxiety and ptsd are the same! the way that i’ve written this imagine is loosely based off of how i’ve experienced some of my panic attacks and ptsd so please refrain from making any shitty comments xxx

[khiphop-stories]

Getting Off The Wrong Foot

[Christian Yu | Chapter XI]

Previous Chapters:

Chapter I | Chapter II | Chapter III | Chapter IV | Chapter V | Chapter VI | Chapter VII | Chapter VIII | Chapter IX | Chapter X

“Are you falling for me too?“ He asked, his eyes locked with yours. Your widened eyes rested on him, not blinking. You spent a few seconds staring at him, your brain unable to formulate a thought. It was a question you didn’t expect at all, especially not coming for him.

“You’re worried? Wanna make a run for it?“ You then broke out into a deep rumbling laughter. Joking - that’s how you dealt with situations you weren’t comfortable with. He couldn’t have been serious anyway, could he? But unlike yours, his face showed no sign of amusement. Usually he would join you and laugh at your jokes, even if they weren’t funny to begin with. But this time, not a muscle on his face twitched. He looked at you deadpan. Was he afraid that you might cling onto him like other girls did? Was he afraid to lose his freedom?

“You’ve been a good friend to me, plus the sex is good. But that’s it. You’re safe. Nothing to be worried about. I’m not falling for you, Christian,” you assured him and you meant it. How could you fall in love with him, when your heart still belonged to someone else? He sighed shortly. Was it a sigh of relief or disappointment? You couldn’t read the expression on his face nor could you guess what was going through his mind right now. You had agreed early on that this would only be physical thing. Why was he suddenly worried about it turning into something more? Admittedly you were a hopeless romantic, but you weren’t over Kiseok yet and he knew, it was the reason you slept with him in the first place. If you had met him under different circumstances, maybe then things would have been different. But there was no room, to think about what ifs. 

“Good, ‘cause I’m really not looking for a relationship,” he then said with a confidence that didn’t sound very convincing, but you shook it off with a shrug. You didn’t want to start questioning him now.

“Good, me neither,” you agreed with him.

~*~

Keeping up the act was quite exhausting and you were slowly beginning to regret having agreed to it in the first place. It didn’t cross your mind that fooling his family wouldn’t be as easy as you had imagined. They knew him inside out while you barely had gotten to know him. You spent most of your time with physical activities and afterwards you were both so exhausted you would go straight to sleep. There was no room for pillow talks. So when his relatives told you stories about him, it felt as though they were describing a completely different person, a stranger. You learned a lot more about him in the span of a few hours than you did over the past few weeks. Ever since you stepped inside this house your entire body felt tensed, you were in constant fear that someone might see through it. Despite your worries, the afternoon went by without any mishaps on your part. You just had to endure a couple more hours, before you could go home, you thought to yourself. But before you could face his relatives again, you needed a moment to yourself. A moment where you could be yourself, not Christian’s fake girlfriend. When nobody was paying attention to you, you quickly escaped to the balcony that was attached to the living room. You took a slow controlled breath and attempted to loosen your body movements. You felt the fresh spring breeze fill your lungs. Winter hadn’t fully passed yet, it was still rather cold outside. Crossing your arms, you leaned them against the railing. Your eyes watched the sun slowly setting behind the buildings at the horizon. The sun casted it golden rays down upon the rooftops, painting the sky shades of orange and pink. Taking this beautiful sight in, your body could finally relax a little.

You heard the balcony door open and close behind you. You didn’t turn around, because you knew the sound of those footsteps. Christian stepped next to you and also leaned against the railing, his eyes following yours, taking in the picture-perfect sight in front of you.

“Are you cold?” He asked when he saw how lightly you were dressed. Without waiting for your answer, he slid the suit jacked down his shoulders, but you stopped him midway. You pulled it back over his shoulders, adjusting it neatly.

“Keep it on. You just recovered from your cold,” you reminded him. He had been lying sick in bed the past few days. Since his fever was quite high you dropped by almost every day after work to check on him. He didn’t really have anyone else to take care of him so you took it upon yourself. It was in your nature as the elder sister to worry too much. You were used to taking care of your sick brother, it wasn’t any different with Christian. It were the same symptoms and you knew exactly what he needed to heal quickly. 

“I’m sorry,” he apologized out of the blue.

You turned your head to the side, looking at him through narrowed eyes. You didn’t understand what he was apologzing for. “My family can be a pain in the arse.”

You shook your head at him with a little smile planted on your lips. “They’re lovely people.” “You think?”

“My family is not that big. I only have an uncle. He never had kids so I’ve never experienced something like this. It’s quite fun, except for the interrogation part,” you chuckled lightly. It was the first time you experienced a family reunion like this. Your own family wasn’t that close, you never met up for holidays or birthdays. Your uncle only ever called when he needed something. 

“You’re lucky my aunt hasn’t found the time to talk to you yet,” he told you playfully as he lightly nudged your elbow with his. “I don’t think she can be worse than your cousins.”

“Why? What did they do?” A wide grin played on his lips.

“They asked way too many questions! It felt like my brain was exploding coming up with lies to tell,” you whined. “What kind of questions did they ask?” “How we met, who confessed first, if you’re romantic, how our sex life is, if you treat me good,—“

“Our sex life?” Christian repeated with arched brows. You could see the smug smirk on his lips even though he was trying to hide it. Of course, out of everything you had said, it was that part that caught his attention. “What did you say?” “I said it was good,” you shrugged your shoulders nonchalantly, deciding to completely omitting the part where you fantasized about him.

“Just good? That’s an understatement, you make me look bad!” He grabbed his chest, pretending to feel offended. “You should have said that I am the best you ever had.”

“That would’ve been a lie though,” you immediately retorted without thinking.

“I’m not your best?” He asked you in a high-pitched voice, looking at you in disbelief. “Who is then?”

Christian was, but you didn’t want to admit it to someone whose ego was as big as his. No, you would never admit it to him, because then you wouldn’t hear the end of it. “Kiseok?” He took a guess as you didn’t answer his question. Even now you remained silent. “The way you described him I thought he was a rather selfish lover. Guess he was doing something right,” he then said trying to provoke a reaction from you. Suddenly Christian shifted in his position. He stood in front of you, his hands grabbing the railing, his arms either side of you trapping you in between. 

“Let me redeem myself, then.” He leaned his muscular body against yours, pressing your back against the cold railing. You felt a shiver run down your spine. “I’ll be the best you ever had.” One of his hand slid under your dress, pushing the soft fabric up your thighs. Then it worked its way to your butt, giving it a tight squeeze. His head moved closer and  he covered your mouth with his in a hungry kiss.

“Your family, Christian,” you reminded him sharply as you were struggling to push him away. Truth be told, you actually didn’t want him to stop there, but you weren’t going to embarrass yourself today. Not in front of so many strangers that he called his family. It was only a glass door that separated you from his entire family. Even though they couldn’t see you because of the thick curtain hanging over the door, it was too risky. Somebody could have come barging  in at any given moment. 

“I don’t think I can wait ‘till we get home,” he groaned at the loss of contact. He tried to kiss you again, but you quickly turned your head to the side. Then you felt something hard pressing against your lower abdomen. You lowered your gaze and your jar dropped open at the sight of the bulge in his pants. “You’re unbelievable, Christian,” you shook your head at him as you threw him a glare.

“I can’t help it,” he whined. He bit down on his bottom lip as his eyes caressed your body. 

“You look so sexy today,” he whispered in your ear, before kissing your ear lobe. You felt his hot, uncontrolled breath brushing against your skin. “C’mon, Min.” “Nope,” you shook your head. “Your whole family is right on the other side of the door!”

“Don’t make me beg for it,” he whispered in a pleading tone. He almost had you there, the expression on his face, his deep voice and the way he was looking at you. It was too much for you to handle, you needed to get out of there, before you would give in to him. 

“Take care of it yourself,” you told him, trying to sound as cold and sharp as possible. You smoothly wriggled out of his arms and walked towards the door. “Fuck,” a deep groan left his mouth. “Can you at least stay with me until…my dick has calmed down.”

“Fine,” you turned back again and walked towards him as your eyes mustered him.

“Shit, Minhee, don’t look at me like that. It’s not helping,” he complained out of the blue. “That’s my face!” “Turn around,” he ordered. Not waiting for you to follow his instructions, he grabbed your shoulders and turned you the other way. He closed his eyes, trying to distract himself, trying not to think about the things he wanted to do with you. But the image of your naked body kept reappearing inside of his head and he was getting more and more turned on by the second. “I just took a huge dump today,” you said out of the blue. His eyes shot open. “What?” “It was really nasty and it smelt horribly.” You thought the more disgusting the story you invented was, the quicker his erection would disappear.

“That’s information I didn’t need to know.”

“Did it help though?” “Not at all,” he shook his head with a laugh.“I’m gonna go to the restroom.You need to cover for me though.” He walked behind you so nobody could see his little friend down there. When you reached the restroom, you parted with him. You went back to the living room where the party was at. As you were standing in the room like a lost puppy, his mother walked over to you and kept you company. Although she did ask you a couple questions, she didn’t make you feel like you were being interrogated. The way she was speaking to you, you were the one that wanted to tell her more about yourself. That’s the power she had. You ended up revealing a bit more about yourself than you had originally planned. 

“To be honest, I was a bit scared he wouldn’t be able to love again after Nayeon.”

It was the first time someone mentioned the name of his ex and judging by the how softly she spoke about her, she must have liked her quite a bit. His ex must have gotten along well with his mother. She probably fooled her just like she had Christian wrapped around her fingers. But how was what you were doing right now any different to how his ex played everybody? You weren’t being truthful either, so how could you condemn someone else for doing exactly what you were doing right now.

“He’s someone with a big heart. He just needs to find the right person to give it to. I’m really glad he’s found you. When he told me about you he was grinning from ear to ear. I missed that boyish, carefree look on him. He seems to be really fond of you.” “I don’t think so,” you blurted out without thinking. His mother had such high hopes for you, it didn’t feel right to be lying to her.

“Don’t say something like that, dear. Rome wouldn’t introduce a girl he wasn’t serious about to the family. And I can see why he likes you so much.” “No…he…I-I mean…” you stuttered when you couldn’t find the right words to explain the situation. “We’re not really dating. I’m sorry for lying to you,“ you blurted out without thinking.

“If you’re not his girlfriend, then…” His mother looked at you confused. “I’m just a friend. He asked me to come, because his aunts were pressuring him so much. I’m really sorry.” “It’s ok, dear. My sisters can be kind of…obtrusive sometimes,” she agreed with a laugh. She didn’t seem to be caught off guard by the new information. You expected her to be angry with you, but she seemed to be taking it rather relaxed.  

“But your son is a really great guy. I’m sure he’ll find the right person,” you meant what you said. Those were probably the first true words that you had said today. 

“Sometimes you miss the forest for the trees.”

“What do you mean?” “Never mind. There he is, I’ll leave you two alone,” she nodded to Christian who had just  appeared in the crowd. 

~*~

“What were you talking about with my mum?” “I kinda fucked up. I’m sorry,” you admitted straight away as you swallowed down. “What happened?”

“I couldn’t lie to your mom. She knows we’re just pretending.” You expected him to be angry. He had been a great emotional support to you without asking for anything in return. It was only one simple favor, yet you couldn’t even manage to get through the day without messing up. “Well, it’s my mum,” he sighed and shrugged his shoulders. “She probably knew anyway.”

“You’re not angry?”

“Why would I be?” He looked at you dumbfounded as he let out a laugh. “I got my aunts off my back. That’s what I wanted in the first place.”

“I’ll go get some drinks.” “No,” you hurriedly grabbed his hand, pulling him back. “Please don’t leave me alone with your family,” you said with panic in your eyes. You weren’t sure you would survive another interrogation by his cousins. 

“Okay,” he chuckled softly. “I won’t leave your side.” “You can let me go, you know?” He looked down and your eyes followed his. You didn’t realize you were still holding his hand until he pointed it out.

“Sorry,” you quickly pulled your hand back as if touching fire while an awkward chuckle left your lips.

~*~

[Time leap]

“Mum, we’re heading home first. Minhee has a meeting early in the morning.“

“Where is she?“ His mother looked left and right, searching for you.”She’s waiting in the car.“ Christian wanted to bid goodbye to his mother, but after the incident between you and his mother, it didn’t feel right to appear in front of her again. You felt too guilty for lying.

“Confess to her before it’s too late.“ “What?“ He looked at his mother with big eyes, completely startled by her words. “Mum, it’s not like that. I just asked her to pretend to be my girflfriend, so I won’t have to go on those stupid blind dates.“ “Rome, when do you ever learn that you cannot deceive your own mother? I know my son. And I know when he is in love.”

“I’m not in love with her. Really. She’s a just good friend,“ he denied again as he shook his head. He knew once his mother was set on something, there was no changing her mind whether she was actually right or wrong. But why was he so adamant in proving her wrong right now? Whom was he trying to convince?

“Don’t wait too long or you might miss your chance.“

“I don’t even like her that way. Neither does she,” he tried to explain to his mother. 

“I see the way you look at her. That’s not the look of someone who’s looking at his friend…” “Mum, it’s really not like that. She’s a good friend…and she’s in love with someone else anyway. She was just trying to help me out because I asked her.”

“If you wait too long to acknowledge your feelings, you might lose her.”

~*~

Ever since Christian returned to the car he had been rather quiet. He didn’t talk a lot throughout the ride and it made you wonder if you had said something to irritate him. You tried to backtrack your conversations with him. He didn’t seem angry when you had told him that his mother knew the truth. He was still goofing around with you afterwards. It was only after he went in again to say goodbye to his mother that his mood suddenly changed. It must have had something to do with his mother, you concluded. “Did your mom scold you? I’m sorry. It just didn’t feel right to lie to her.“ “Nah everything’s good,“ Christian quickly shook it off and gave you a reassuring smile. It was a half-hearted smile. You could tell his mind was somewhere else and he didn’t put in much effort to hide it. 

“Why are you so quiet then?“ You probed further. “I’m just a bit tired.“ He closed his eyelids and crossed his arms in front of his chest, sinking into the seat. You reached out one of your hands while the other held the wheel, your eyes still focused on the roads. You touched his forehead to check his temperature which made him flinch. “What are you doing?“ He pushed himself into an upright position, his full attention now on you. “Checking your temperature.“ “I’m good.“ “You sure?“ His forehead was warm, it wasn’t quite a fever yet, but it wasn’t the normal  body temperature either. “I’m fine, Minhee,“ he chuckled.

“Then what’s going through your mind?“

Christian looked away from you, then down at his shoes. Still not meeting your eyes, he touched the watch on his wrist and played with it for a moment. The car remained utterly silent. You heard the sound of his breaths, irregular and shaky. 

“What you said earlier…”

“What exactly?“ You had spent the entire day with him and his family, you had said a lot of things to him. It was impossible to remember everything or guess what he was referring to. “You said you’re not falling in love with me.“ “You’re still worried about that?“ You chuckled, your shoulders falling in relief. You thought it was something serious, but if it was only that bothering him, he had nothing to worry about. “How can you be so sure? I mean it’s possible that you do, isn’t it?“

You spent a moment thinking about it, but you couldn’t imagine dating him, or dating anyone in general right now. “I don’t think that’s gonna happen.“ “Why not?“ “You’re not my type,“ you answered shortly and simply. “What is your type?“ “Well, for starters someone who’s not afraid of commitment.“

“I’ve been in relationships,“ he pointed out matter-of-factly. 

“I know, but…you don’t want to be in one right now, do you?“

“Where did you get that idea?”

“You said that! And you’re not really making an effort in meeting someone or going on dates.”

He didn’t say anything, he couldn’t say anything. After all you were right and he couldn’t dispute that. He was way too busy to meet someone new and go on dates. Getting to know someone was a time-consuming activity and he didn’t have time left to spare. The time he had, he wanted to spend with you. 

“Ian, you don’t have to worry,” you assured him again. “I don’t even wanna be in a  romantic relationship right now, neither do you. I want some time for myself, you know. Just focusing on work and myself, I’ve been neglecting that for too long. It’s just sex, no feelings involved.” You words were supposed to give him assurance. You thought that was what he wanted to hear, but they had a different effect him. Christian remained silent again. He glanced out of the window, then at his feet. His gaze danced around, avoiding yours. 

”If you’re that worried that I might catch feelings, we could just stop-”

“I don’t wanna stop,” he replied almost immediately as though it was a reflex. “What is it that you want then?”

He didn’t answer that question, because he knew he couldn’t have what he wanted. He’d be asking for too much. “You’re right,” he let out a shaky breath. For a moment, there was no sound. 

“Let’s stop.”

~*~

You parked his car in the underground garage of his apartment. You turned off the engine and pulled out the keys, before returning them to their owner.

“I can’t drive you home, because I drank,” he said with an apologetic look on his face.

“I know, I’ll just take a cab.” “You can stay, you know,” he offered as he awkwardly scratched the back his head. “And do what?” Whenever one of you stayed for the night, there was only one purpose. But sex was out of question now that you both came to the mutual agreement to stop. Staying for the night and not sleeping with each other seemed weird to you. It felt wrong.  

“Right…” he let out an awkward chuckle. “Text me, when you’re home.”

~*~

[Time leap]

You were brushing you hair when you heard the sound of the door bell. You hurriedly walked to the intercom while your hands were busy tying your hair into a bun which was rather difficult without a mirror. At times like these, you wondered why you let your hair grow that long in the first place. It would be a lot easier if you just chopped everything off. You turned on the speaker function and told Christian that you would be down in a minute. 

“I’ll come upstairs.”

“Why?” You wondered, but still pressed the button to open the door. I felt a bit weird, he hadn’t taken a step inside your apartment since you both agreed to stop the physical activities. All you ever did at home was related to sex, that’s why you never bothered to invite him in again.You left your apartment door ajar so he could enter himself and stepped in front of the mirror to fix your bun. You heard the door closing, before Christian appeared in front of you. He was carrying a small wooden box in his hands.

“What’s that?” Your eyes followed him. 

“Peaches,” he answered shortly before he led himself into your kitchen with you following behind. He placed it down on the kitchen counter. Clapping his hands together, to wipe off the dust. You stepped next to him and took a peak inside. 

“My aunt grows them in her garden. She sent me two boxes of it and told me to share them with my girlfriend,“ he said with emphasis on the last word. “The perks of being Rome’s fake girlfriend,” you said playfully as you took a quick look at the peaches. They looked delicious. Smiling to yourself, you felt a warm and fuzzy feeling, a feeling you weren’t unfamiliar with. Kiseok’s parents had a little farm where they grew their own crops and they would always sent you some. They made you feel welcomed and loved, just like Christian’s family did. The only difference was that their friendliness was based on a lie. You weren’t really deserving of it.

“Let’s go.” Christian saw the subtle change in your facial expression, so he tried to divert your attention to something else. You quickly grabbed a jacket and followed him to the elevator which really took its time. 

“You sure you wanna watch that movie?” He asked you out of the blue. “Why? What’s wrong with it? I heard it was good.” “I read some reviews…” His face turned dark.

“Don’t tell me you’re scared?“ You broke out into rumbling laughter. You didn’t think he would be scared of horror movies. He always gave a reliable and gutsy impression, someone who wasn’t scared of anything. 

“A little bit?“ He chuckled shyly. “I mean…you should have read the reviews!“ “You said you liked horror movies!” “I don’t.” Since none of your friends wanted to watch that movie with you, you had bothered Christian for over a week until he finally gave in.

“Why did you agree then?” “‘Cause I missed you.”

Your body froze for a brief moment as you blinked at him, a sudden warmth shooting through your body. 

“Now you’re just sweet-talking me,“ you chuckled lightly as you rolled your eyes.

“Did it work though?“ He grinned at you playfully. 

“A little bit,“ you winked at him with a smile.

“So we’re not watching that stupid horror movie?“

“Well, I don’t want you to wet your pants at night,“ you took this perfect opportunity to tease, a smirk spreading across your face.

In this moment a high-pitched tone indicated that the elevator had just arrived. The door slid open, revealing a silhouette standing on the other side. You didn’t pay much attention as you were immersed in the conversation with Christian. Without looking, you walked straight into the elevator. Christian quickly pulled you back, stopping you from bumping into the person in front of you. Confused you looked up, your entire body froze and a string of nerves tightened in your ribs upon seeing that familiar face.

“Kiseok…,” you whispered to yourself, still not believing your eyes. 

“Can we talk?” He asked you with caution, his voice sounded soft. 

“I-I…actually have plans right now.” You wanted the words to be firm, strong, but instead your voice was shaking. You glanced at Christian, with your eyes you pleaded him to help you to get out of this sticky situation, but he didn’t seem to get it, or maybe he did, but he just chose to ignore it.

“I’ll give you two some privacy. I’ll wait in the car,” he told you as he walked into the elevator, leaving your side. No, no, no, Christian, don’t leave me, you shook your head slightly, giving him all the signs you could think of to make him stay. But he didn’t. He waited for Kiseok to leave the elevator, before he pushed the button that brought him to the ground floor.

Fuck, you cursed inside of your head. You didn’t know what to feel right now, overwhelmed with contradictory emotions. You were angry with Christian, as he left you alone with Kiseok without a second thought. You didn’t want to talk to Kiseok. Christian out of everyone should have known how much you dreaded seeing him again. Yet he left. You felt betrayed by someone you thought would have your back when you needed him. At the same time you felt hurt and scared of the conversation that was about to come. 

“What do you want, Kiseok? Did Jay send you?“ You quickly regained your composure, not wanting him to see you in a vulnerable state. “No, I decided to come myself.“

“Why? You have more insults you want to rid yourself of?“ You asked him in a mocking tone. “I’m sorry for how I behaved at the party. It was inappropriate,” he said out of the sudden. An apology coming from him was the thing you least expected. “I got jealous when I saw you with him.“ It had been a while since you heard honest words coming out of his mouth. “And you thought picking a fight with me in public would it make it better?“ You snarled back at him with sarcasm. 

“No…I-I didn’t think at all to be honest. I had one too many and I leashed out at you.“ You knew it was a sincere apology, yet you weren’t satisfied. You weren’t sure what you wanted to hear from him, but nothing he said could subdue the anger you felt towards him. It wasn’t only anger either, more than anything you felt hurt and betrayed. “You’re excuses are getting worse.“ “Look, Minhee, it’s not easy for me. We’ve been together for so long.“ “And you think it’s easy for me?“ You looked at him in disbelief as you let out a scoff.

“Well, you’ve found yourself someone else pretty quickly.“ “It was just sex.“ You didn’t even know why you felt the need to set it straight. It was none of his business anyway. It was your life which he wasn’t a part of anymore due to his own doing. “I saw the way you looked at him.“ “And how am I looking at him?“ “The same way you used to look at me.“ You shook your head at him and let out a chuckle in disbelief. “God, you’re so paranoid. I’m not in love with him. I think I’d be the first one to know if I like someone or not.”

“What is he doing here then? I know you, Min. You don’t invite just anyone to your home.” You had no idea how the apology turned into an interrogation and you didn’t feel comfortable with the direction the conversation took.

“I don’t owe you an explanation, Kiseok.” “It’s just unfair that you get to move on with your life while I’m still miserable.“ “You have no right to say that. You walked out on us the moment you fucked her and lied to me.“ “I only lied to you because I didn’t want to hurt you and I didn’t want to lose you.“

“Well, you hurt me and you lost me, so that plan of yours didn’t work out very well, did it?“

“I’ve made a mistake, Minhee. I know that and I know it’s not something I can’t fix with a simple apology. But I’m trying. I’m really trying to fix it, because I can’t throw away the past four years just like that. You mean too much to me. I can’t just let you go like that. I can’t give up like this.”

In the silence that followed, you broke your gaze preferring instead to rest your eyes on the elevator behind him. “Is there nothing I can do to win back your trust?“ “I don’t know,” you answered truthfully. Would you ever be able to trust him again after all the lies he had told? Would you ever be able to believe his words without having any doubts? Was his word even worth anything anymore?

“Will you ever be able to forgive me?“ “I don’t know, Kiseok.“ “Do you still have feelings for me?“

Wow, this was a pretty long chapter! The longest yet I think? Hope it wasn’t too boring to read haha. What do you guys think? Is his mother right? Why did Christian leave so suddenly? What will Minhee's answer be? Are you Team Kiseok or Team Christian? Looking forward to reading your comments! :) And I hope you all are staying healthy! 

[lokidrabbles]

Sweet-Scented Alien (Loki x Reader)

Loki has another difficult night and the reader takes care of him

A/N: Another Loki has really bad nightmares one shot! I know I kinda go all over the place with this one, but I tend to have a lot of ideas for Loki’s POV. However, I hope you all can enjoy! As always, Gender Neutral Reader!

Warnings: Suggested smut, but not really

The same nightmare continued to torment the Asgardian prince. The destruction of Asgard, the loss of his parents, and the Titan’s enormous grasp around his neck would resume like a broken record until a morbid snap in his neck would shove him awake into the real world.

He gasped for air as his body jolted him awake, frozen in place while his mind still processed the tangibility of his surroundings. He would instinctively reach to feel the back of his neck, an effort to make sure it still remained in tact. He still remained in one piece, and he considered himself unworthy of his blessings.

The mad Titan still lingered somewhere out there, in search of Loki, in search of unimaginable power. Loki had the fortune of being able to stay out of the Titan’s radar for this long, but the possibility still remained. He was out there, and Loki hid himself away like a coward, here with you, exposing you to the unimaginable danger.

Tonight’s was especially vivid, and he couldn’t imagine such a brutal way to be permanently discarded of. He quickly dug his nails into his forearm, making his pain evident for him to fully bring himself in focus. He attempted to stabilize his breathing, but his efforts remained futile for now. He avoided wanted to wake you up, but you were always sensitive about these things, and as if on cue, he felt you shift and slowly turn towards him.

“Hey, Loki. What’s wrong?” He heard you say softly.

“It’s nothing, I’m fine.” He responded hastily, but only to still catch his breath.

“You’re shaking. Did you have another bad dream?” He sensed your concern grow, feeling you sit upwards against the backboard of your bed.

It was difficult to admit he did. Not only did he detest seeing you worry about his well being, as that was his obligation to you, but he detested how vulnerable he appeared in front of you. He’d dread at the possibility of being perceived as weak, someone incapable of protecting you, all because of a dream.

“Please, I don’t need you to hold my hand constantly over this.” He responded, intending for it to come out as disconnected as he could.

“Loki, you’re literally shaking.” You said as a matter of fact. Loki soon felt the touch of your palm over his cheek, relishing in the warmness you provided. “You’re freezing too.”

Adrenaline rushed through him at the though of his body temperature dropping dramatically. You weren’t jesting about something this, and he knew his mental and emotional vulnerability must have triggered some part of his frost giant biology to act defensively. He needed to gain control ASAP, before something worse appeared.

“Err, I think I should just rest somewhere else, just so I won’t continue waking you up anymore. Perhaps, that couch in your living room?”

“What? Loki, don’t be stupid. I want you to stay here with me, especially if you had another nightmare like that.” You said while tugging at his forearm, seemingly disregarding his unusual coldness.

You were a fool, but his heart fluttered at your clinging. “Very well. However, I am a little apprehensive about resting. I honestly will stay up for the remainder of the evening.”

“Guess I’m staying up with you too.”

“You really mustn't stay up. You don’t enough rest for your human body as it is, no matter how much I lecture you about it.”

He could see you roll your eyes within the darkness. “You have to let me take care of you Loki, that’s part of the deal we had.”

“I don’t need to be taken care of.”

“Uh-huh.”

Loki felt the covers flying off of you as you rose up from your bed, padding gently across your floor. You made your way into your bathroom, flicking the lights on and beginning to rummage through your belongings.

Loki squinted at the sudden brightness, peering off the side to catch a glimpse at whatever you were doing. “(Y/N). You must come rest.”

“I will.” You exclaimed from afar. “But I got something for you first.”

Damn. “Stop with the foolishness. I told you I’m fine.”

You didn’t respond, and Loki could only hear you still rummaging. He focused his hearing to catch anything pertinent, before he would justly stomp into that bathroom, pick you up, and toss you back into bed. This was his own issue to deal with after all and he still cringed at the idea of having this mortal, this human, willingly tend to him.

His ears perked at the sound of a squeaking hinge, and then of running water. Oh no.

You slowly stepped out, your pajama sleeves rolled at the way up to your elbows. Your hair was still a mess, and the circles under your eyes suggested you definitely had not gotten enough sleep this night. But still you stood there, and even in your most dullest appearance, Loki still thought you were lovely.

“Okay, start getting naked.” You said through a yawn.

“Excuse me?”

“I’m drawing you a warm bath dummy. You’re sticky, and maybe you can relax more if your body warmed up too.”

The act of kindness was too sickening for him. Loki was a frost giant, and although he always maintained good homeostasis over his own biological temperature, he would always be naturally a bit colder than most aesir or humans. It wasn’t something to be saddened about, it was simply how he was. And yet, with your best efforts, you still desired to provide him with relief, even if it probably wouldn’t have any effect on him at all. It was all charming, and Loki had grown very unused to having someone mend his perceived suffering. Again, he felt his heart flutter at the notion.

“You cannot be serious.” He said flatly, a small piece of him hoping you’d still pester him about it.

“Come one, you’ll feel much better. And then after, I promise I’ll go back to sleep, deal?”

“Hmm. You strike up a difficult bargain, human. But very well, if it will get you off my back and get you some rest.”

You provided Loki with two thumbs up, sealing the verbal agreement. Loki groaned, pushing himself off the bed and beginning to discard his clothes. From the corner of his eye, he could see you leaning on the doorway into your bathroom, blatantly ogling at him and his bare body. Not that Loki really minded. In fact, he felt some sense of pride at how easily you’d become distracted at his nude form. Which of course meant you wouldn’t have eyes for anyone else.

“You’re staring.” He said teasingly.

“Guilty as charged. Now come on, before I start getting any more ideas.”

Loki  trudged behind you into your bathroom, a heavy scent filling his nostrils immediately. It was sweet and nutty, and he immediately identified this scent as your own. There would be days, special occasions, where you would bathe in this sweet almond scent. He thought it was purposeful, for he would be unable to keep his hands off of you, rejoicing in the intoxicating smell gently coming from your hair and skin.

“You’re not getting nude as well?” He asked disappointingly.

“Good idea. But my tub is too small, and it wouldn’t be as fun as you’d imagine.” You reached over to grab his wrist, coaxing him towards your tub.

Steam began to tickle at his nose, and he raised a questioning eyebrow at the ridiculous amount of soap and foam rising. “This wasn’t necessary.”

“Sure it was, go ahead and dip in.”

He sighed, knowing he had to oblige in fear that you would become upset at him. He carefully took one step in, shivering at the sudden exposure to the searing temperature. The heat would soon cool off as soon as he’d emerge his entire body in, but of course you didn’t realize that would happen. Nevertheless,  he slowly submerged himself (or as much as he could), enjoying the brief heat that engulfed his skin. He inhaled and let out a deep breath, sinking his hair into the bubbly water. The almond scent now fully took over his entire sense of smell, and he closed his eyes. He imagined this heat as your own, this smell as your own, covering him entirely.

You had perched beside him and your tub, seemingly not minding the water that had splashed over. You dipped a finger in, as if making sure the temperature was adequate enough for him. Another yawn escaped your mouth while doing so and Loki immediately took notice.

“You’re exhausted and you’re making it very obvious. Now, this was your own doing. I don’t want to be blamed for this in the morning.”

You waved your hand to dismiss his comment. “That’s not what’s important right now. How are you feeling?”

“A tad ridiculous with my knees protruding out like so. But yes, the water is quite nice.”

As sleepy as you were, he saw you beam with joy. “Good to hear. I’m hoping this means you’ll be more open to my methods here.”

“I’m only doing this so you’ll stop worrying and go back to bed.” Part of it was true, and the other part mostly involved still wanting to appease you.

“Oh stop it.” You said, playfully splashing some water at him. “Let me do this for you, it’s the least I could do after all you’ve done for me.”

That last part was hard to fully accept. Truly, he didn’t think he’d done much for you. Or at least, he interpreted it much differently than you did. He knew humans were very meticulous in their way of expressing love and care, and while he was no stranger to it, he was rusty about it. The closest thing that popped in his head was that time he carried you back home after you had gotten inebriated, but he was certain you didn’t want to hear about that again.

“You’ll have to forgive me, but that’s a bit of a stretch for my liking.” He said, dipping his head backwards into the water.

“What do you mean?”

“I’m just not sure if what you say is true. I can easily go inside your mind and find out for myself. But even so, I doubt I’d believe that.”

“Believe what, that you haven’t done anything for me?” You asked incredulously.

“I suppose that’s the curse I carry. You know, still being apprehensive about all of this.” He knew it sounded harsh, to even question his relationship with you, but a big function of this relationship was his honesty with you. He knew you wouldn’t cast him away with these words, but there was a speck inside of him that would be terrified of the notion.

He saw your lips twist disapprovingly, and then you shoved a chunk of bubbles right into his face. “You know, for being insanely intelligent, you can be pretty damn stupid too.”

His brows furrowed, shoving away the soapy residue from his face. “Not exactly what I expected to hear.”

“Loki, I’d like to safely think that us sleeping together, having sex, sharing meals, dealing with our worst attitudes on a daily basis, and screwing around with Tony Stark should at least suggest something to you.” You said aggressively. “You think I’d just let anyone call me a stupid human with no discernible reason.”

He opened his mouth temporarily to spew out an argument, but promptly sealed his lips once he noticed how irked you had become. He often enjoyed irking you about several things, but this wasn’t the best way to go at it. He could tell from your approach and body language that you were dead serious about it, and he genuinely wanted to believe that.

“You really need to get it through your head that you matter to me, like a lot.” You continued, standing up and reaching over to grab one of your towels. “I really don’t know how else to say it so you can fully understand.”

“Perhaps, there is something you could do. You know, just so I can understand better.” He said lowly, almost muttering it.

“Oh, and what exactly is that?”

“I’m going to need you to come closer. Come kneel beside me.” He said, his voice low and sultry.

A smirk appeared on your face, following his words and perching next to him and beside your tub again. He lifted his upper body, lather and water spilling all across his chest and arms and leaned into your lips. He heard a quick ‘oh’ escape from you, satisfied at how quickly you had responded to his actions. In one swift move, Loki grabbed your forearm, and yanked you into towards him. You cursed and fell face forward into him and into the now lukewarm water, splashing and making a terrible mess of all things. Loki saw how your legs flailed comically and couldn’t hold back the irresistible grin decorating his cheeks. You must have flopped around for a good minute or so until you managed to hold yourself up by your arms, hair and clothes absolutely drenched.

“Ehehehe.” He sniggered, loving the absolute look of indignation you shot at him.

“God, why do you have to be such a dick?” You muttered, along with some other offensive words.

“That’s it. That’s all I needed, I fully understand now. Thank you so much for that spectacle (Y/N). I believe I can say with confidence that I truly enjoy being with you as well.” 

“You’re such a little shit, oh my god.” You lunged at him, making your best attempts to push his head underwater. “Why are you always making me fall for stupid shit?”

“Darling, please!” He exclaimed, grin still very present. “Please don’t end me in such a way. Not at least till you get rid of those soaked garments first.”

“No fucking way-”

“Ah, fucking? You’ve read my mind indeed. Well, if you are suggesting it.”

You groaned loudly, standing up, hair and clothes dripping wet. You stomped out in a fury, muttering things along the way which Loki could only catch as another clear ‘fuck you.’

He followed suit and rose from the water, tip toeing behind you while soap suds still fell from his bare body. The nightmare from earlier that evening would soon be long forgotten, and although Loki’s attempts at getting down and dirty with you wouldn’t be successful, there was something much more important at hand, something he’d fully come to realize with his little prank.

[ladyloptr]

•That Dimly Lit Dream•

Request: twt@DORKYLOKI/ @inananaii “how about the continuation of my dream the other day 😼😈. dark cave, bound in the dark, naked loki, him calling me pet, then lady loki. hehe.”

Fandom: Thor 1

Pairing: Loki x Reader, Lady Loki x Reader.

Warnings: Smut, Bondage.

(I’ve written smut before, but this is the first time I’ve done a requested smut on Tumblr, so here we go.)

{————}

A thunderstorm.

Great.

It couldn’t have come at a worse possible time.

You and Loki were sent by Odin to quell a clan of thieves, whom had been terrorizing the villages outside of the City of Asgard.

When you both had embarked, the skies were blue and not a single cloud was in sight.

And now, you and Loki were stuck seeking refuge in a dark cave, waiting for the storm to pass by.

It didn’t bother you too much at first. You and Loki were friends, going back as far as childhood, so it’s not like he made you uncomfortable or anything. However, as the storm dragged on, the darker it became outside, until it was soon nightfall.

It’s so dark that you can’t even see your own hands in front of you. Even if the storm suddenly stops now, it’s too dark for either of you to be venturing out. It’s safer to just go to sleep here, and then continue on with your journey in the morning.

Just as you begin to succumb to the pull of sleep, a noise from behind you startles you awake. You would’ve thrown a fit, had you not reminded yourself that Loki is also here in this cave with you.

You allow yourself to relax again, and rest your eyes.

Big mistake.

A hand clasps itself around your upper arm, dragging you up and away from the spot you had been sitting. You try to twist around and claw at your attacker, but there’s no use. You can’t see anything.

“Loki! Loki?!”

“Be silent, you silly girl!”

You cease your struggling. “Loki? What are you doing?”

He doesn’t answer, merely lowering you to lean back against what feels like a large boulder, which worries you. You can hear him chuckle to himself before something cold and hard is clasped around both of your wrists, keeping them bound together, and magically rendering you unable to move them from above your head.

You start struggling again. “Loki, what’s happening? What are you doing? Say something.”

“Silence, pet.” A now female Loki, hisses. You are used to Loki’s genderfluidity, so you don’t react when she switches gender. “I am growing bored of our current situation, so I am entertaining myself.”

“Entertaining yourself by traumatizing me?” You frown to yourself, now confused. “Hold on, how can you see in the dark?”

“I just can.” She drones. You can hear her shuffling and you are unsure of what’s going on.

“Err... Loki?”

“Did I not just tell you to be silent? Do not make me gag you.”

If you weren’t incredibly confused and blinded by the dark, you might’ve been turned on by that statement. Being Bisexual has its perks, meaning you find both Lord and Lady Loki to be quite attractive, which right now, might end up being your downfall.

You start struggling when she starts undoing the laces on your clothing.

“Cease your squirming, pet. We both know you want this, and quite frankly, I do as well.” She says, successfully managing to remove the top part of your tunic, leaving your chest bare. You wonder how much detail she can see in the dark.

You gasp as rolls your nipple between her fingers gradually hardening it. She soon switches to the other nipple and gives it the same treatment.

“Are... are we truly about to do this in a cave?”

“I do what I want.”

She removes your boots, practically throwing them to the other side of the cave. The sturdy leggings you wear underneath your skirt is the next to go, leaving you only in your skirt and underwear.

Loki pulls your skirt down next, slowly and sensually. You shudder, and she chuckles darkly.

“Ah, pet, you look so delicious like this.”

You can feel her fingers running up your thighs, until they stop at your panties. She runs her fingers over the cloth and hums in delight.

“Soaked. You are quite the naughty thing, aren’t you?”

She removes the last remaining piece of cloth covering you. She does nothing for a few seconds, undoubtedly taking in your beauty for a moment.

“A-ahhh!” You suddenly feel her fingers inside of you, pumping at a steady pace. “Oh, fuuuck.” She curls them tightly against your g-spot, causing you to let out a mewl.

“My my my, you are much more responsive than I originally anticipated.” She says, withdrawing her fingers. You are surprised when she presses her nude body up against you.

Apparently she had already removed her clothes.

She grinds her pelvis against yours, moaning obscenely loud. Lewd sounds fill the cave as you grind back against her, your swollen clits feverishly rubbing together in an attempt to find release.

If this is a dream, it’s a pretty damn good one.

You just wish she’d undo the charmed metal forcefully holding your arms above your head. You want to touch the goddess, and run your hands all over her masterpiece of a body, even if you can’t see her.

The moaning mixing with the lewd wet noises only serve to push you closer to orgasm. Loki leans close to your ear and says “You’re so beautiful, pet. So wet and so slick for me. You are sin.”

Your back is slightly aching now from laying against a rough boulder, but being absolutely fucked by Lady Loki in a dark cave makes it totally worth it.

Loki bucks against you harder and more forcefully, her moans becoming more like angry growls, as if she were a wolf in heat.

You feel it coming, the familiar pooling of hot pleasure telling you that you are about to fall off the edge. “Oh my, oh my, oh my stars!” At this point you’re practically screaming. “I’m gonna cum, I’m gonna cum, I’m gonna-!”

Feeling as if a rope snapped inside of you, a wave of immense pleasure washes over you. You can vaguely hear Loki riding through her own orgasm. She leans down and kisses you, running her tongue through your mouth, thoroughly tasting you. You both swallow each other’s moans and cries, your fluids mixing together on each other’s thighs.

The cave becomes silent again, but only for a moment, before Loki shifts back into a male. He releases your bound wrists, allowing your arms free movement again.

Though, he doesn’t let you go quite yet.

Your legs are pulled up onto his shoulders and you feel his long and hard length press up against your cunt. You grip his hair (nearly poking his eye out because it’s dark) and moan loudly as he practically impales you on his cock. He rocks back and forth at an easy pace, allowing you to adjust to his size.

You can hear his balls slapping against your ass as he picks up the pace. He leans down, taking a nipple in his mouth and teasing it with his tongue.

“Ohhhh. You’re so deep.” You sob.

You’re almost embarrassed at how quickly you are to your next climax, considering how recently you just came.

“I do apologize.” Loki grunts, burying his head into the crook of your neck. He’s fast approaching his own release. “I usually... have much more control... over myself.”

“I-It’s alright.” You throw your head back and let out another mewl, as his head brushes against your g-spot. “I’ve always... wanted to fuck you anyways... both of you.”

“Well, I-I-“ Loki falters, cut off by his own orgasm. You let out a sharp cry of his name, as the intense throbbing of his cock and the feeling of his seed being pumped into you sends you toppling right after him.

You both cling to each other as he gradually pulls you both through the euphoria, slowly fucking you back down from Valhalla.

He lets out a shaky breath before telling you “Well, I’ve always wanted to fuck you too,(Y/N).”

He pulls his now softened length out of you. It’s still dark outside, so he gently lowers you to the ground to get some rest. You can feel him using seidr to heal your scraped up back.

“Loki... would it be alright if we did this again... but on an actual bed, perhaps?

You can hear him chuckle beside you.

“Anytime, pet.”

[unsettledink]

Kinktober Day 20

Creepy Crawly

Prompt: Archnephilia

Word Count: 2315

Summary: Just because it can happen in a sex dream doesn’t mean it can in real life.

Luckily, Peter’s got a problem solver for a boyfriend.

(bondage, tiny robots, fear play, spiders, spiders spiders SPIDERS, SPIDERS EVERYWHERE, SPIDERS WHERE THEY SHOULDN’T BE

Please if you have any issue with spiders at all, even a tiny bit, just don’t read this, don’t to that to yourself.)

*

"So," Tony says. "I may have totally misread this, but just in case I didn't— I have something for you. If you want it. Them."

He holds out his hand, closed around something. Peter doesn't have a clue what Tony's talking about, but he's not going to say no to whatever Tony wants to give him.

Even if it's... a tiny robot spider. Okay?

Peter glances at Tony, trying to think of what to say about it, and Tony's giving him a strange look. "It's programed with a few... ideas I had," Tony says, faster than usual, "but I—or you—can take control too. Completely body safe, I promise, and there's a few fun surprises in there. Not that they have to be surprises if you just want to know. And there's, ah, more than one." He shifts, and Peter realizes that Tony is actually uncertain about this. "No pressure," Tony adds.

"No pressure," Peter repeats, and he's still not quite— wait. Wait.

He stares at the spider, wide eyed, and then up at Tony. "This— this is about. Uh," Peter stumbles along. "What I told you? About the— those kinds of dreams?"

"If you want," Tony says. "I realize now that may have been just telling me because you were freaked out by having sex dreams involving spiders, not because you were curious."

Peter swallows, looking back down at the spider on his palm. It's tiny, no bigger than his thumbnail. "Um," he says. "When you said more than one..."

Tony looks relieved when Peter glances at him. "So it is something you want?" he asks.

If it was anyone but Tony, Peter would say no; but anyone else, Peter wouldn't have told in the first place. Anyone else wouldn't have gone out and made these.

"Yeah," he says. "I am curious."

*

When he'd told Tony the first time, he'd hadn't been prepared for the questions.

He'd been prepared for the questions like 'What is wrong with you?' and 'But it's just some weird dream, right?'. Not “So what about spiders is appealing? Specifically?”.

"Uh," Peter says. "I... don't know?"

"Really?" Tony says. "I feel like you've probably thought about this a lot more than you're letting on. Indulge me."

Well, he's not wrong. "I guess it's kind of the— feeling?" he says, hesitantly. "Like the sensation of them crawling all over, a lot of them crawling at once. I know that sounds weird, nobody likes that."

"Nope, none of that," Tony says. "Total ban on the word weird in the workshop for the next hour." Peter makes a face at him. "So, kind of tickling? Scratchy? Pinpointy? Is that a word?"

"No, it's like, uh, less of an actual feeling?" Peter tries. "The kind of feeling when all your hairs stand up at once," and that seems to make sense because Tony hums and nods. "And that there's a lot of them," Peter says. "It's never just a couple of spiders. It's a ton, everywhere, really overwhelming. Like I can't do anything about it, and I feel kind of scared because of that, but not bad?"

Tony's staring off into the distance, thinking something through. "Interesting," he says finally. "I wonder if you would have had that sort of interest all along, without the bite, or if those same wants would have still manifested in a different form." He glances at Peter. "Does it bother you?"

"I mean, some," Peter says. "I know it's—" and he stops himself just in time. "I don't like feeling like that," he says, but Tony still narrows his eyes. "But the stuff itself isn't bad."

"Good," Tony says. "Don't worry, kid. People have all kinds of sex dreams, trust me," and that had been that. After all, it wasn't like Tony wasn't making plenty of Peter's other sex dreams come true, so he could just shove this one aside.

*

Which was obviously not what ended up happening, since he's currently naked and cuffed, with something Tony said might actually hold him if he wanted to struggle, his wrists together above his head and his legs spread, ankles tethered to hooks on the ground. Naked, cuffed, waiting for Tony to do something with those metal spiders, and incredibly hard.

"Alright," Tony says, holding a box about the size of a textbox. "If you hate it, just tell me. Ok?"

Peter nods, eyes stuck on that box.

Tony sets it down in front of him and flips back the lid, revealing nothing more than what looks like black beads, jumbled together. Retreats to the chair he'd dragged over and settles in it, playing with some sort of remote.

Something stirs, inside the box, and then there's a shiny, tiny black spider crawling down the side of it, and another. And another.

And then a whole flood of them, a little wave of crawling black legs, this faint clicking noise of their feet on the floor. Peter swallows.

He'd thought he'd be staring at them the whole time, watching them, but that's never been a big part of it, not really. Instead, when the first ones crawl onto his foot, start up his leg, he's looking at Tony. Keeps staring at Tony as they crawl up, as he can feel every single one, every little leg touching his skin, skittering over him; he can't help how he shudders, that electric nervous feeling shooting down his spine, like every hair on his body standing up. He shudders again, and then he's shaking, unable to stop, shaking and panting and terrified as he stares at Tony, feeling them move up and up and up.

"Tony," he whispers as they crawl over his hipbones, a few scurrying lower, pulling at the hair at his crotch as they go. Sucks in a breath when he feels the first one put its feet on his dick, creeping up the length of it slowly. "Tony," he says again, his voice shaking, and he doesn't know if he wants this to stop or to keep going, doesn't know if what he's feeling is fear, if maybe it is and he likes it anyway. Tony's watching him, tense, looking like he's about to jump up and do something, and Peter knows suddenly that he doesn't want that.

They're over his chest then, little legs tapping at his collarbones, up his neck. They're everywhere, almost, all over him and he can feel them all moving, can feel the crawling, shivery sensation of those hundreds of legs and it makes him feel so helpless, so trapped and scared and turned on.

The ones on his dick reach the tip, just one crawling over it, legs light and brushing over the slit, and he jerks, his eyes closing.

Gasps, and moans, and feels his dick twitch.

When he opens his eyes again, Tony's staring at him. Seems to relax slightly, at whatever it is he sees, and Peter can feel more spiders crawling across his face, crawling into his hair and down his back. "Okay?" Tony says, softly.

"Oh god, Tony," Peter breathes out, and he can't believe this is happening, he can't believe Tony made this happen for him. He shudders, spiders crawling down the small of his back, and lets himself hang from his wrists a bit, legs sagging.

"Shit, Peter," Tony says, sitting back. "I did not expect this to be as hot as it is."

Peter shudders, and it's like he loses the ability to focus on anything other than the feel of this, the electric zap of every spider touching his skin, everywhere; crawling over his shoulders, up his arms, along the cleft of his ass, even between his toes. It's so overwhelming, feeling so trapped and having to take this, not knowing what's going to happen and unable to do anything about it, having to feel— violated.

He's helpless, and something about that makes him start fighting, start yanking at his cuffs and twisting, trying to find an out, trying to know just how helpless he is.

Tony laughs. "Not going to work, kid," he says, his voice rougher. "I know what you're capable of," and he's right. Like this, he can't get free. He doesn't know how Tony did it, but he can't get free.

"Fuck," Peter breathes out, and then there's— there's— "Oh, fuck!" There's spiders settling right over his nipples, vibrating, some of the spiders on his dick starting to too.

"Surprise," Tony says, grinning. Peter whimpers.

He opens his mouth to let Tony know his surprise is amazing, and a spider crawls in. Peter squeaks, and tries to push it back out, terrified he'll swallow it, but it sticks its legs out and clings to his lips, pushes itself back inside and scurries around, up his cheeks and over the roof of his mouth, horrible skittery sensations that make Peter cough, and then gag as it goes further back, poking that spot. It settles half under his tongue, holding onto it, only for another to crawl inside.

And then he forgets about them altogether, because there's at least one spider right over his asshole, pressing at it.

His head jerks up and he stares at Tony, more scared than he's been this entire time, because surely, surely Tony doesn't mean to— not inside him.

But Tony's just watching him, eyes dark and pants open, one hand on his dick and the other pressing something on the controller. Peter can't even say Tony's name, can't say anything.

"All you have to do is shake your head," Tony says, his voice low, hungry. "If you don't want it, it's that easy, kid. But don't you want to know?"

Peter whines.

The spider that was poking him hasn't stopped, and it's got its legs in him now, pressing forward and opening him up little by little. Peter feels more scurrying towards it, more legs sliding in and holding him, hooked around the edge of his hole and keeping it open, pulling it even more so. Can feel, a moment later, that spider inside him, fucking inside him, little tap tap of tiny feet invading him, defiling him, ready to fill him up until they're crawling under his skin, trapped inside him.

There's a line of spiders marching down his spine, one after another creeping inside him, the sensation of things touching him everywhere getting worse and worse as he feels them move deeper. He glances down at himself, and the sight of himself, covered in iridescent black spiders, endlessly shifting as they crawl over him, the sight of even his dick covered in them, hard and dripping precome onto the floor and oh god, they're not small enough to fit inside there are they? Are they?

He loses it, terrified and turned on and completely lost, unable to coordinate himself to really fight his bonds, just thrashing mindlessly in them, twisting and sobbing as he hangs from his wrists, trying to curl up and hide himself. Screams, as best he can around the spiders filling his mouth, and then there's a scratchy noise in his ears, a tickling, as they crawl in there as well. He can't flinch from those for more than a second before he's overwhelmed by another sensations, the spiders deep inside him doing something, touching something that makes him moan and squirm, makes his dick twitch, the spiders crawling along it more intense with every second. Oh fuck, he's going to come, he's going to come and he can't stop it, he can't stop any of this, shit, fuck— 

Peter can't keep fighting after that, after he comes all over over the floor, dripping down his dick, onto the spiders crawling on it too. He sags in his bonds, limp and panting, crying a little despite himself. Tony says something he can't quite make out, and then every spider on him freezes. Falls off, a rain of spiders plinking on the floor all around him, the ones in his mouth crawling to his lips before they die and fall.

The ones in his ass are crawling out, a flood of them through his held open hole, every one making him jerk and whimper, too sensitive and too wound up and almost wanting them to just stay if it meant he could stop feeling this.

"Jesus Christ, Peter," he hears, and then Tony is right there in front of him, pulling Peter's head up and kissing him, Peter too wrecked to respond properly. Tony does something and Peter's legs are free, not that he can use them; Tony hooks his hands under Peter's thighs and yanks him up, curling his legs around Tony's hips. Slides his fingers around to Peter's ass, slick and pushing into Peter easily, so smooth and big and a perfect counter to the spiders that had been in him. Tony's dick is even better, stretching him wide and filling him up instead of leaving him feeling half empty and violated, Tony fucking into him hard and fast, his mouth on Peter's neck and his hands static, on Peter's thigh and the small of Peter's back and nowhere else.

When he comes in Peter, it's so hot and it burns, like he's been scraped raw by the dozens of tiny legs. Peter moans, wrapping his legs tighter around Tony, and then his arms are free as well, dropping down to cling to Tony, hanging on to him for dear life. Tony staggers back the few feet to his chair and collapses, Peter still wrapped around him.

"Okay?" Tony whispers into Peter's hair.

At some point he's going to have to talk to Tony, going to have to get Tony to help him figure out how he can feel so upset and so turned on and not want it to stop, want to do it again, but for right now— "Okay," Peter whispers back, and he means it.

[angelguk]

» you come in waves - a jeon jeongguk drabble

Jeon Jeongguk - BTS

words - 4k

genre + warnings - smut, werewolf!au, there’s angst if you close your eyes a wee bit and turn the fic upside down, oral (f receiving), pool sex, handjobs, scenting, werewolves aren’t known in this universe

soundtrack - normani ft 6lack, waves

It’s a lazy midsummer’s afternoon and the humid air is pasting itself on to Jeongguk’s skin. He leans backward, relaxing against the poolside chair that he didn’t know existed until Seokjin dragged it out from the dark depths of their storage unit. His legs are draped down the sides of the chair, stretched far apart, an optimum position for aeration. Which is desperately needed because he feels like his balls are gluing themselves together. It should be impossible for the temperate to rise like this, yet here he was, sweltering in the thirty-four-degree sun. It didn’t help that his own body temperate ran higher than most peoples. Not even ditching his usual plain white shirt and going commando beneath the swimming trunks he’s sluggishly adorned was aiding his situation. Jeongguk had quickly come to the startlingly realization that summer sucked. A lot. 

His throat feels like sandpaper as he swallows, craving something cool to quench the furnace scorching his insides and outsides. The sudden reminder of the promise Taehyung had made to bring everyone drinks drifts across his dazed mind. For a moment he considers screaming out his roommate’s name, but then he remembers that requires energy – which he doesn’t have. So, instead, he opts to wait it out, hoping that Taehyung won’t leave him out here to dry up into a husk.

He doesn’t know which of his senses pick up on your first. It almost feels as if your presence bombards him. One minute he can barely breathe, heaving through the stagnant clammy air and trying his best to overlook the sheen of sweat clinging to his skin. The next inhale makes his skin crawl. Even with no breeze, your scent reaches him with ease. It’s the rich wisps of peaches and the heavy aroma of cream that he’d become so acquainted with that had him instantly alert. Almost simultaneously, his keen hearing picked up of the cheery laughter slipping from your lips. The sound blossoms in his chest, leaving his heart pounding in his ears and his hands sticky.

He doesn’t move, paralyzed by both the overwhelming heat and the staggering awareness of your presence.

Then he makes the mistake to open his eyes.

The first thing he sees is blinding sunlight, small dots dancing before his vision. Those swiftly fade away as his gaze trails towards the sound of your voice. He sees Taehyung first, holding the promised drinks in his hands. Yoona comes second, walking steadily beside him down the sun-beaten path that leads to the patio he was situated at. She’s wearing an oversized t-shirt and wide smile as she chats with Taehyung. He knows that smile isn’t as innocent as it seems but wants astounding to him is the fact that he hadn’t even been able to smell them.  Even with his abilities, he hadn’t been able to sense their presence because of you.  

When he finally has to the courage to glance in your direction, Jeongguk combusts.

Skin. So much fucking skin. He doesn’t even bother to hide his blatant staring. There’s so much of you to take in that his brain short circuits for a moment, incapable of processing the scene dumped before him. When he recovers he’s suddenly sitting upright, crouching over the raging tent in his swimming trucks with a scowl etched on his face.

Unlike Yoona, you’d decided to forgo clothes altogether. The only thing keeping you from strutting around in your birthday suit was the skimpy apricot bikini and a sheer cover-up that fails miserably at its job.

He doesn’t know how to feel. His dick does though, and it’s painfully hard against his thigh.

“What’s with the long face, bighead,” You say, flopping down beside him on his chair. You shove his thigh with your own, jostling the precarious situation Jeongguk was trying to keep under control. He swears he didn’t ogle at the way your boobs jiggled when you did that. He swears.

“I’m dying. The sun is burning me alive.” He carefully chooses to say, voice clipped. Taehyung shoves one of the cool dewy glasses he’s carried over, slipping beside Yoona who had purposefully hiked up her t-shirt to expose more leg. He spares her a nod, unable to muster up a smile because your thigh is still brushing against his own. She smiles back but her gaze is trained on Taehyung.

Jeongguk squeezes the glass, relishing in the coolness waning from the iced water. Momentarily, he wishes he could dunk it on his head and solve the situation in his pants but then you place a warm pat on his bare back and his dick jumps.

“Poor baby,” You say. Jeongguk wants to hang himself.

He downs the water in one go, choking on it when you flick his knee.

“What’s going on with you? Why are you guys here?” He doesn’t mean to sound hostile but he is curious. No one had mentioned anything like this happening. If someone had said you were coming over Jeongguk would have worn something… less hazardous. The proximity of your presence wasn’t helping him either. Your scent was intoxicating up close, filling his head and making his blood rush south. He wanted to bury his nose in your neck, an urge to figure out the main source of aroma that was driving him wild and mark it.

You tut, sipping at your own drink. “Aircon in our apartment broke. So we decided to grace you fools with our presence. Scoot, my ass is falling off this chair.”

Jeongguk bites back the offer of his lap and moves aside, swiftly ducking his head away from you so he can breathe without suffering from an overwhelming urge to touch. But then he makes the mistake of sneaking another glance at you. There’s a trail of sweat slipping down the side of your neck and the only thought that ravages through his mind is lick.

It’s a command, one he forces himself to disregard as trains his glare onto the ground.

There’s a heavy cloud of silence residing over your heads, a stark contrast to the bubbly and flirty conversation flitting into his ears that Taehyung and Yoona are having. He wasn’t to say something, but his mouth is wired shut.

“Where’s Seokjin?” You question, hoping to lighten the tense mood between the two of you.

Over the last couple of weeks, Jeongguk had become increasingly distant, to the point where you’d gone from texting incessantly every day to exchanging one-word messages. You had no idea what you’d done to cause this and he hadn’t clued you in on the problem either. He’d left you feeling neglected, an eddy of emotions wreaking havoc in your heart. Yoona had suggested the visit. Your aircon was not broken at all.

“He went to get ice.” His reply is a grunt, prompting the formation of a frown on your face.

“Oh, alright,” Your voice is small even to your own ears. You shouldn’t be nervous around your best friend and yet you were.  You can’t think of anything to say and Jeongguk isn’t offering up any small talk either.

“How have you been,” You try again, even though the question is bland.

“Busy. I got a job at Soobin’s studio. Been swamped with work.”

You glimpse down at his hunched figure, watching the brusque words tumble out of his mouth. You’d never had such a dry conversation with your best friend before. And he hadn’t even asked you how you were doing. The audacity.

“I’m good too, thanks for asking,” You reply, not hiding the venom that slips into your tone. “Jeongguk, what’s going on?”

He sprains his neck when he glances up. “What do you mean?” His doe eyes glisten in the late afternoon sun and you can tell he’s hiding something.

“I mean,” You gesture between the two of you, “What’s going on with us? Why are you acting like this?” It’s better to get straight to the point because this situation was starting to frustrate you. It wasn’t like you could sneak into Yoona and Taehyung’s conversation, not when Yoona was unashamedly trying to get into Taehyung’s pants.

His face blanches. “Acting like what?”

“Like this, like you –”

“Guys, Seokjin crashed at Hoseok’s place. They’re having a mini barbeque. I think we should go because I’m sure as hell am not cooking,” Taehyung cuts you off, arm slung over Yoona’s shoulder and a sharp eye trained on the both of you.

You close your mouth, eyeing the way Jeongguk jumps up and flees for the house. “Cool, I’ll drive,” He states, not looking at you. You watch his retreating figure, golden skin illumine in the tepid rays of the afternoon sun. There’s a heavy feeling sinking in your chest but you rise to your feet, falling his steps. You don’t miss the way Jeongguk ensures Taehyung sits shotgun.

↔

Jeongguk doesn’t know what to do with his hands. He leaves them resting on his thighs but they itch to move forward and fix the strap slipping down your shoulder. He would touch you but it’s clear you’re not talking to him. You have a loose grin on your lips and you’re leaning into Jimin, practically moulding his body against yours. The sight makes him want to punch something, preferably Jimin’s face. But the question replaying in his mind holds him back. That and the fact that he would probably break his best friend’s nose.

What’s going with us?

He couldn’t answer it even if he wanted to. You wouldn’t understand the primal urge to pull you in his arms and never let you go that Jeongguk gets whenever he sees you. Or the fiery jealousy that pools in his heart when you laugh at someone else’s joke or cuddle up against someone that wasn’t him. Or how heady your scent was, how it spurred his yearning to mark and bite your skin until everyone knew you were his.  He’d suppressed it, waiting for something to happen naturally, ever since you’d bumped into him at the university library. But nothing ever did.

He’d watched you fall in love with other men, heard your scandalous stories and gave you advice even though it physically pained him. But the fear that raged in his heart, the fear that you might reject him if you knew what he was, kept him in check. It kept him my ripping open the men who toyed with your heart and it kept him from stepping over the boundary you’d created. But it also kept him in constant pain.

So he stays silent, sipping on vodka that does nothing for him and does not protest when he’s dragged into the circle you were currently in. When Yoona suggests truth and dare, Jeongguk wishes he had grabbed his vial of wolfsbane. There was no way he was going to survive this sober.

The first few are quite innocent, much to his surprise. Childish dares like recalling embarrassing moments or revealing body counts. You capture his attention the whole time – he’s trying to quash the impulse to break ever finger in Park Jimin’s hand because it keeps gliding across your bare arm – but you don’t even spare him a glance. You hadn’t uttered a word since this afternoon and his heart was splitting apart in his chest. He wishes he could pretend you were nothing but a friend to him. God, he wishes.

“Jeongguk, wake up! This is for you,” Taehyung is staring at him with a glint in his narrowed eyes. It breaks the comfort of the reverie Jeongguk had settled in but he still can’t seem to tear his gaze away from you. “Truth or dare?”

“Dare,” He replies mindlessly, watching your eyes flutter close. You always getting sleepy when you’re drunk and normally he’d been the one holding you. His arms twinge - it hurts to have you so near and not be able to touch you.

“Alright, I’m doing a double dare. Jeongguk, I dare you to skinny dip with Y/N for ten minutes.”

“What?” The exclamation falls from your suddenly alert lips but it matches the expression on his face.

“Taehyung shut up. Pick another dare. Leave her out of this,” He snarls out.

His shakes his head, blonde ruffles swaying in the breeze of the air conditioner. “Nope, Jimin did your dare for you last time Y/N. This is your punishment.” The smirk was evident in his voice.

“Taehyung, you’re an asshole,” Jeongguk states, rising from the cushion he’d perched himself on. “I’ll skinny dip on my own, for five minutes.”

Your eyes are glued to him. He doesn’t expect you to object.

“No,” You say, getting up on your unsteady feet. Your legs look like they’re about to waver, and Jeongguk instinctively reaches out, hoping to catch you before you crumble to the ground but you wave him off, a challenge in your eyes. “I’ll do it. Let’s go.”

Taehyung sits back, amused, observing the looks of surprise on everyone else’s face.

Jeongguk doesn’t look at you during the trek to the pool. Keeping his eyes on darkened garden. The night air sizzles in his ears and his heart is in his guts. You don’t say anything either, and it puts him on edge.

He attempts to stay modest, slipping into the water silently without stripping off his trunks.

“We could keep our clothes on,” He offers to the silent night.

You refute, shaking your head and shoving your chin to the open glass doors you’d come through. “Taehyung can see us from here.” You continue to round the pool, coming up right in front of Jeongguk’s cyan illuminated figure.

“Fucking pervert,” He hisses, folding his arms around his bare chest. His trunks cling to his skin and he moves to twist around, hoping to give you privacy. But you don’t wait for him to turn his back. The strings that hold that flimsy accursed bikini to your chest unravel, leaving the fabric to fall from your body.

Jeongguk doesn’t know how to breathe.

Despite the cool water surrounding him, he’s instantly hard. His eyes don’t leave your body, watching entranced as you slip your bottoms off two, discarding them a chair. Your bare form renders him speechless. He eyes can help but unremittingly flicker, greedily drinking in the curves of your hips and the way your breasts rise with every gentle breath you take. He wants to touch, yearning to learn every inch of your skin so he can engrave them in his memory. He’d never see someone so beautiful and his wolf readily agrees, rumbling roughly in his chest.

“Are you going to keep that on?” You ask, moving to slip into the water. It’s cool, washing away the layer of sweat that had encased your skin. You notice his hesitation and the reminder of your encounter early rears its ugly head. “Jeongguk.” It’s a question on its own.

His hands grip the band of his trunks. He should pull them down and toss them aside just like you had down but he couldn’t. Not when he can feel his dick twitching against his skin. You’d see it, he was sure of it. And while he longed for you, you were drunk. Which is probably why you’d stripped so unabashedly. His own nudity felt wrong to him.

“Do you want me to put my clothes back on?” You softly question, suddenly feeling small and exposed.

He opens his mouth but no words come out. Only the gentle lap of the water colliding with your bodies fills the silence. He wants to say yes but he can’t. He still wants to look, even if it makes him feel guilty.

Your hands are suddenly on his waistband. Your knuckles brush against his abdomen and Jeongguk can’t help but revel in the tremors that rush through his body. It’s obscene, how much control you have over him.

“Can I?” You whisper.

Jeongguk focuses his eyes on the dip in your throat where your curves of your collar bones and the span of your neck meet. He can smell you from here and that’s only adding fuel to the fire raging in his guts. It takes him a second and then he nods.

He feels like he’s bared his soul.

You glide the fabric down, fighting against the current until Jeongguk is able to kick the shorts off in the water. They rise in the distance, dark fabric floating away but neither of you are paying attention to that.

Ever since you’d know Jeongguk, you’d never seen him like this. You can’t help but lean forward, resting your palms against his bare chest, the haze you’re in making you hyper-aware of the way his heart pounds beneath your touch.

“I wanted to talk to you,” You murmur.

“Then talk,” He responds, voice hoarse.

“Why are you ignoring me? Did I do something?” You trail the pads of your fingers down his chest, idly watching them slip beneath the water. You can’t look him in his eyes. His breath hitches, and you notice how eerily still he really is.

“You didn’t – you didn’t do anything wrong.” He sounds like you’ve taken a knife to his chest, brutally twisting it in and leaving it there, his chest hacked open.

“So what’s the issue,” You finally glance up, hoping you don’t look as vulnerable as you feel.

To your astonishment, Jeongguk looks drunk and he never looks drunk despite the astounding number of shots you usually shove down his throat. His eyes are lidded but you can still see the darkness that has settled in his whiskey eyes. They glitter, brightly shimmering in the hold of the lights that emit from the pool. You can’t look away, for some reason his eyes pull you closer.

“Nothing’s wrong,” He responds, hands coming down on top of your own beneath the water, halting your journey down his body,

“So why aren’t you talking to me?”

Because you make me feel like this, he thinks to himself, you drive me insane and there’s nothing I can do about it.

“I just got busy,” He lies instead.

But then you’re pressing your chest against his own and he damn near melts at how soft your body feels against him. The hands that had been toying at his hips are now wrapped around his shoulders and his using every bit of self-control to not grab at you because you’re probably not thinking straight. That’s what he tells himself at least.

“Jeongguk,” You murmur, your breath fans his face and he can smell the vodka that lingers on your lips but he can also smell you, every bit of you and he just wants to bite. “Don’t lie to me.”

For a second, his brain doesn’t know what to do. His dick is conflicting with his heart because you don’t know what you’re doing but then again you’d basically pressed your naked body against his own. He moves his hands, hoping to grab your waist and gently push you away while thinking of an excuse that won’t hurt you. And then you cant your hips forward, entrapping his dick between your two warm bodies and he snaps.

His fingers dig into the flesh of your hips. He yanks your closer, his own toes curling when cunt grazes against his hard cock. The sensation has you helplessly sighing against his lips. He’s noticeably big and you can’t help but imagine the stretch. You don’t know where this sudden desire came from, perhaps from the frustration, you feel against him, but in your drunken haze, you can’t object. You don’t want to object, even if that’s a thought you’re not comfortable acknowledging.  

He slots his mouth against your own before you can say anything else. The kiss isn’t gentle, his presses his lips harshly against your as if he wants to imprint the feeling of your mouth of his forever, but it’s not rough either. He’s holding himself back, taking the time to learn your response, coaxing your open with every little gasp that leaves your throat. When your tongues meet, you can’t help but dissolve in his arms. Jeongguk tastes like the trashy vodka Jimin picked up. You didn’t even like how it tasted, only drinking because you wanted something to preoccupy you from the intrusive thoughts of Jeongguk. But now you were enthralled by how it tasted, moulding your mouth against his and his tongue intertwined with yours.

Jeongguk never knew he could be this hard. His dick is throbbing between the two of you, a painful reminder of the gravity of this situation. But he can’t stop – doesn’t want to. You taste too good on his lips, the little sounds you make travel straight down to his dick and he wants to hear more, wants to know more, wants to have you on his tongue, wants to know how tight you’ll feel around him, wants to lose himself between your legs. He can’t think of the consequences now, all that matters to him is finding a way to mount you.

Your hand snakes between the miniscule space between your bodies, fingers curling around his length.

“Holy fuck,” Jeongguk pulls away from your mouth, momentarily closing his eyes. He wildly runts into your hands, swearing with every twist of your wrist down his cock. You watch, fascinated by how his chest rumbles against your own but then he’s staring at you, eyes dark and glinting and you feel your walls clench.

He devours your neck first, settling on a spot that forces you to crane his neck. His tongue dips and trails across sensitive skin, nipping harshly like he wants the mark he’s making to stay forever. Like he wants to tattoo the evidence of this moment on you forever, a reminder that he’d touched you like this. You don’t object, whining with every precise flicker of his tongue or scrap or his teeth. He has the hand around his dick faltering despite your best efforts because he’s gripping your ass like that and coupled with his ministrations on your throat, your hole was helplessly fluttering, begging for anything to fill it.

“Out, out,” You moan against his ear, pulling him towards a staircase. You climb out, water dripping from your bare body, while Jeongguk opts to lug himself out, muscles flexing with the movement. He shakes his head, spraying droplets of water everywhere. His chestnut ruffles dripping with water remind you of a wet dog, but that doesn’t deter you because you’re all over him the movement he stops, pressing your lips onto his hoping he won’t notice the way your heart pounds in your chest.

But he does – you’re unaware of it but he can hear everything, smell everything; the rush of your blood filling your chest, the slick dripping from your cunt, the spike in your peaches and cream scent. It makes him feel as if his senses are overloading and it could kill him but he’d wouldn’t want to go out any other way.

Neither of you notice that the glass doors are now closed and there’s a curtain obscuring your naked bodies from view. Not like that would matter to either of you anyway.

Jeongguk has your back pressed against a lounge chair, mouth latched onto a nipple as he holds your hips down. You’re squirming in his grip, spine curving with each swipe of his tongue across the nerves on your chest. Jeongguk can’t look away, longing to etch every whimper and sigh that leaves your lips in his mind forever. He doesn’t break your gaze as his lips slip of your breast. He moves slowly, trailing kisses down your chest and across your stomach, sending tingles through your body that end up sparking a steady heat in your core. Then he pauses, warm breath fanning the apex of your cunt and a question in his eyes.

You nod and watch in awe as Jeongguk slips further down, fingers gripping your thighs so he can spread you apart and place a wet kiss on your cunt.

His tongue slips out, disappearing into your folds with precise quick licks that have in squealing into the warm summer night. He eats you like a starved man, devouring your cunt viciously. Your slick coats his mouth but all that does is make Jeongguk harder. He flattens out his tongue, dragging it upwards, towards your clit, which he teasingly toys with, swirling his tongue in figure eights and latching his lips onto the sensitive bud until you’re begging him to do anything, put his fingers in, bed you over – anything at all

Jeongguk pays no heed to your cries, keeping a brutal pace of flicks on your pussy. You’re so wet, your slick is dripping all over his chin. But he doesn’t mind, you taste so good that he can’t help but dip his tongue into your dripping hole. You shout his name, nails scraping against his scalp as you rake your fingers through the soft ruffles of his hair.

He watches you tip of the edge, the way your eyes fluttering shut and your mouth falls open. You runt against his face, chasing the high that he wants to give you. When it hits you know nothing but his name. You come off his tongue, whining and gasping into the heavy night air, you’re naked chest shuddering with every wave of pleasure that courses through your system.

Jeongguk can’t look away, revelling in the way you taste on his tongue, the smell of you that fills his nose and leaves him hard and leaking against his stomach. There’s only thought that runs through his mind as you come undone on his lips. One that he’s not sure he’ll ever be able to say out loud.

Iloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyou

[criminalromantic]

Cornelia Street - Chapter 8 (Billy Russo x Fem!Reader)

Summary: You and Billy have a heated conversation and a lot is revealed.

Word Count: 1759

A/N: This one was a wild ride to write, hope you enjoy it and it heals your broken heart

Warnings: swearing

********************

He was there. He was actually there. Looking handsome as ever. How dare he?

"Hi.” He said when he noticed you, but you didn’t say anything. Instead, you just started making way to your car as if he wasn’t even there. You walked as fast as you could, nearly ran, but he was much taller than you and with his long legs it was easy for him to catch up. „Hey, why won’t you talk to me?“ He finished his sentence as he watched you unlock your car.

“I’m not worth it, am I?“ You asked him bitterly. He seemed to be taken aback because he literally took a step back like the harshness of your voice could physically hurt him.

“What? What are you talking about?“ Unable to move from where he was standing he watched you walk around the car and put stuff in it. 

“Now listen to me, Billy Russo. I understand if I am not someone you don’t want to be with. So can you please stop acting like you do?“ You were surprised that you managed to get that sentence out in an even tone without a voice crack. It was also the first time you were looking Billy in his eyes that morning. 

“Where the hell did you get that from? Because that’s bullshit.“ He was getting angry, it was clear from the way he spoke. There was something else in his voice – he sounded impatient like he wanted the situation to be over as soon as possible because he had no control over what was happening. 

“Is it? Because tell me, why do you spend so much time with me? Wha-what could I possibly have that makes you stick around? I have nothing that you might need that could be useful to you. So why are you still here after all this time?“ You mentally kicked yourself in the shin for every involuntary voice crack – this time you couldn’t stop it. After saying the words you couldn’t look Billy in his eyes. Not at that moment and maybe not ever.

The next time he spoke you were almost startled by his voice – how calm and hurt it was. „That is what you think? After all this time, after getting to know me, that is what you think about me? You think that I come to see you because I want something from you?“ He slowly took a few steps towards you and you were thankful when he stopped, leaving quite a lot of space between you.

“I...“ You were positively speechless by his words. “We are two completely different people. Someone like you does not hang out with someone like me.“

“Then you am I supposed to hang out with, huh? Am I supposed to pick my friends from a list that’s sorted by the number of digits in their bank account? Because let me tell you, that I can’t stand those rich assholes and it hurts that you think I am in any way like them.“ You already knew all that. You figured out by yourself. 

“I already know all that, I just...“ You didn’t want to tell him the real reason that lead to you avoiding him. A small part of you hoped that you could just push him away some other way, but it didn’t seem to work.

“Then what’s the problem? I thought that you... liked spending time with me. Less than a week ago I was happily taking care of you and you seemed okay with it.“ Successfully you stopped an automatic smile that was starting to form on your face at the thought.

“I know, I ju-“

“What is it then? Do you... Is there someone else?“ Is he for real right now? That sentence. That one sentence made you see red and you had a hard time keeping your emotions under control.

“Are you seriously asking me that?“ You mentally patted yourself on the back for how threatening you managed to sound. “How was work on Wednesday? Because from what I know, even with your immense workload you managed to find time to go on a date with some other woman.“ It took your brain a few seconds to catch up with your mouth and when you realized that you said, you wanted nothing more than to disappear from the surface of the earth.

“What are you talking about? I wasn’t on a date.“ He spoke the words very confidently and he seemed sure in what he was saying. 

“I know someone who saw you, so stop denying it.“ You crossed your arms on your chest and looked down at your feet as you started swinging back and forth from your heels to your toes and back.

“The only recent date that I was a part of was when we went for a walk. And when I left your place I...“ Your eyes carefully watched as his expression changed. Like something just dawned on him. “I had a meeting. With a friend. She works at Homeland and asks for my help sometimes.“

“Yeah, right, nice try, Russo.“

“Y/N, I swear that I am telling the truth right now.“ The look on his face was nothing you’ve seen before. It was a mixture of sadness, defeat, and a hint of determination. „If you don’t believe, I’m going to call her right now, okay?“ He must have taken your lack of reaction as a yes and reached into a pocket for his phone. Seconds later you heard the voice of a woman.

“Hey, Dinah, how are you?“ 

“You just woke me up, idiot, this better be important.“ This whole situation was beginning to feel more and more absurd to you.

“Y/N is here. You remember Y/N, right? I told you about her.“

“If by “told" you mean “talked about her every time I had the chance“ then yes, you did tell me about her. How could I forget? You barely talk about anything else these days. Oh, how rude of me, hi Y/N.“ You raised your eyes to look at Billy and uttered a quiet response to the voice coming from his phone.

“Do you remember the meeting that we had? On Wednesday? The one that wasn’t a date?“

“Billy, what is going on? Yes, I remember. And the next time you say the word date in any connection to me, I’m going to kick you in the balls.“ You began to feel idiotic as Billy hung up and put his phone away.

“See? It wasn’t a date. As if I would ever want to go on a date with anyone besides you.“ Billy took a few slow steps in your direction and stopped right in front of you.

“I’m sorry. I guess I should have asked first before kicking you out of my life.“ You felt him flinch at the thought.

“I want you to listen to me very carefully. I don’t ever want you to think that we don’t belong together because we’re from different social circles. And for god’s sake, don’t you ever dare to think that you’re not good enough for me.“ He was never this close to you before. His hands cupped your cheeks gently and you thought that he might be staring right into your soul, that’s how intense the look in his eyes was. You caught yourself staring at his lips when his tongue darted out to wet them. He noticed and his face came close enough for your noses to touch. His lips lightly brushed over yours and he was ready to dive into the kiss when suddenly a loud honking sound startled both of you. 

You looked around slightly panicked and then your eyes landed on your cat. With his front paws on the steering wheel of your car. When Billy noticed what you were looking at he wholeheartedly laughed. You couldn’t help but laugh too and opened the door. As soon as you tried to reach for your cat, he ran out straight towards Billy, so excitedly that he got himself tangled in his leash a little. The sight made you think about a certain ex-boyfriend of yours and how your cat always avoided him when he was around. Here was Billy, with Benjamin is his arms who was happily purring.

“I guess he missed you.“ You said standing awkwardly next to your car, not knowing what to do as you watched the reunion.

“I missed him too. And you. What are you up to today?“ Billy said pointing to your clothes.

“Oh, we were thinking of going on a hike.“

“Can I join?“ 

The hike was fun. You spent a solid portion of time making fun of Billy for not being dressed for the occasion. He wasn’t in a suit, but he was dressed to impress, like always. During the drive back you made fun of him every time he complained about the state of his shoes.

“Oh come on, city boy, you can just buy another pair, it’s no big deal.“

He navigated you through the city to where he lived and you dropped him off. It was a tall building and at the sight, familiar doubts started circling your mind, until Billy brought back.

„Hey, remember what we talked about?“ You nodded and took the cat from his lap so that he could get out. “Listen, I don’t want to keep secrets, so I’m just going to say it. Yesterday, when you texted me, I was worried that something had happened to you and with my job, all kinds of bad scenarios flashed through my head. I asked a friend to come over and check on you, just to see if everything was okay. So, feel free to get mad at me, I probably deserve it.“ The whole time as he spoke he didn’t make eye contact like he was ashamed.

“I’m not mad.“

“Oh... okay, good. Well, I guess I better go change and wash up. See you.“ He got out of the car in a swift movement and you watched him enter the building. When you got home, you felt too tired to do anything. Slowly you stumbled into the bathroom, took off the dirty clothes that were clinging to your skin, and jumped into the shower. The warm water helped relax your muscles and clear your head so you took your time – you had no idea how long you were in the shower. 

After you got dressed, you reached for your phone and saw a text from Billy.

Wanna come over?

********************

Tags: @1-800-heartbreak, @elfmama

[artistic-writer]

The Contract :: CS Omegaverse :: Ch 7

Title: The Contract Rating: E Summary: Emma had never wanted much in her life, despite being married to one of the richest men in the world. For ten years she has felt like a prisoner in her own marriage, denied the one thing she wants the most, but her husband cannot help but bargain her want like a cheap business deal.  Enter Killian Jones, the Alpha her husband has hired to make sure she gets what she wants. And then some.

AO3 - Ko-Fi (100% of coffee’s bought go towards buying @adognamedkillian toys and treats!)

A/N: Chapter 7!!! It comes with some trigger warnings i’m afraid, because I am just that kind of writer *evil grin*  TW: domestic abuse. I don’t know what else to call it without giving anything away, which i do not want to do.  As always, if in doubt, message me.  This chapter has the answers everyone has been waiting for, and some other good news!  Ch 8 is already done!

Fantastic artwork by @kmomof4​ so give her some love and beta’d by the lovely @hollyethecurious​ And as ever, thank you to all the ladies in Discord! Thanks ladies!

This is an Omegaverse fic featuring A/B/O dynamics.  Whilst this varies from fandom to fandom, for the purposes of my fic, there will be no mpreg.  Just so you know.  There will however be knotting, breeding, heats and other delicious things that come along with A/B/O.  If you do not know what A/B/O is, feel free to message me :)  Many thanks to @hollyethecurious​ @shardminds​ @kmomof4​ @darkcolinodonorgasm​ @resident-of-storybrooke​ and @ineffablecolors​ for letting me bounce my complicated ideas of you lol

If you wish to stay away from this fic, blacklist the A/B/O tag.

Taglist:  I’ll be honest, i have lost my taglist for this fic, so if you want a tag, please message me here on on discord (Salem #5158/ itwontalwaysbelikethis@gmail.com) and I’ll add you!  I’ve tagged the following people i KNOW want to read this, but i don’t want to accidentally tag you if you do not like ABO.

@hollyethecurious​ @shardminds​ @kmomof4​ @resident-of-storybrooke​ @darkcolinodonorgasm​ @thisonesatellite​ @xemmaloveskillianx​ @hookedonapirate​ @teamhook​ @winterbaby89​ @carpedzem​ @courtorderedcake​ @profdanglaisstuff​ @itsfabianadocarmo​ @donteattheappleshook​​ @ultraluckycatnd @jennjenn615​

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A week was going to be far too long. It was only seven days but in the grand scheme of things, Emma worried that it might feel like forever without the Alpha she was now sure she was in love with. Of course, she hadn’t told him that. Like an idiot, once he had declared his feelings, she had pretended she was asleep and let him pull her harder into his embrace where she had spent the rest of the night. Morning had come and he was gone but she didn’t blame him. After all, she was well aware that Graham was having the apartment watched, making sure that neither of them broke the terms of his precious contract.

Maybe this was a blessing. Maybe they had been spending too much time together. As much as Emma wanted her bastard husband to be wrong, maybe he was right. For the next seven days she was to accompany Ruby to a very exclusive spa where they would get some much needed rest and relaxation, or so Graham had told her. In truth, he had been angry at how much time she was spending with Killian, his loyal henchmen having told on them and their extra meetings. She should have known. Graham was far too connected to not find out, and Emma had only agreed to go with Ruby because she was afraid of confirming the reality of his paranoia.

Emma did have feelings for Killian. They were more than she had ever felt before, powerful and robust and she was sure that not even seven days apart would change them. The time would be perfect for her to process her own feelings, and how to let Killian know that she felt the same. Emotions had ever been her strongest point, and to play along with his little game, Emma had told Graham that she would be glad to get away from all the men in her life, which also meant, however, that she had to be careful of what she told Ruby. Best friend or not, she was still a spy for Graham and she had no doubt that Ruby would sing like a songbird given half the opportunity.

All Emma had to do now was tell Killian.

It would crush him to see her gone. Emma knew what it meant for an Alpha to declare their love for another. Most of the time they never did until they were sure they had found that perfect someone, but she had never known a single Alpha to pair with a Beta as their mate. Ever. That was half of the confusion currently swirling around inside Emma’s head. She was a Beta, and a broken one at that, illness rife within her body, and she was damn sure she wasn’t worth the love of any Alpha, let alone one so perfect.

She paced up and down the apartment, stopping briefly to draw the curtains. The metal rings scraped across the metal rail, but the sound was quickly drowned out when a car sped passed outside. Emma pulled one curtain back a little in case it had been Killian, but the bright red tail lights at the end of the street dashed her hopes in a second. With a sigh, she shut the curtain again and resumed her steady pacing around the apartment.

She had never been a worrier before, but suddenly she felt herself apprehensive for Killian’s arrival. Years of mental control at the hands of a so-called husband would do that to anyone, but rationally Emma knew that whatever she had to say, Killian would be okay with. In a way, she kind of agreed with Graham, not because she thought they needed to be apart, but because they had been spending so much time together even she was starting to realise that she only smiled when she heard Killian’s voice. Graham was a lot of things, but he was not blind.

Emma only wanted to tell Killian one thing; that she felt the same way and she would be back with the same feelings in her heart.

Her attachment to Killian had become so much lately that she didn’t even recognize herself anymore. She had become someone else, someone liberated and where she had previously been quick to argue, she was now willing to accept whatever pleasure or punishment was dealt out to her. Killian had awakened that inside of her, and she was not ready to let it go. She knew Graham would never give her a divorce, but over the last few hours she had found herself trying to fabricate ways of getting rid of him for good.

A soft knock on the door woke her from her murderous daydream and she was up and racing towards the door before she had even looked in that direction. She knew it was Killian. She could smell him, even through the door, cedarwood and sea salt with a dash of darkness that only she had been privy to. She grabbed the door handle and pulled hard, the wooden panel jumping from the frame without a single sound. She gasped, because somewhere between drawing the curtains and plotting her husband’s death, it had rained, obvious by the fact that Killian now stood in her doorway dripping wet.

He was out of breath having raced from his car, but had been unable to avoid the downpour. His clothes were soaked, clinging to every definition of muscle that Emma could see, his dark blue t-shirt moving with every heave of his chest. Her eyes moved down, over the outline of his bulge now defined by the dampness of his pants and she felt herself suddenly become short of her own breath. When she looked back up to his face, hair dishevelled and clinging to his forehead, she noticed a drip as it fell from the tip of his nose and his eyes were wide with worry, the blue much brighter than she remembered as he searched her face for an answer.

“Emma,” he whispered, like it was the only word he could say. It held so much meaning, a question he needed to know the answer too, but as he searched her face for what he sought, Emma burst into tears.

Killian was over the threshold in a heartbeat, slamming the door behind him just before clutching her face in his hands and dipping his head down to attract her gaze again. Watery eyes tried to focus on his features but Emma couldn’t speak. All she could do was shake her head to tell him something was wrong, and Emma grabbed his hands, holding them to her face in an attempt to keep his warmth on her skin. Even after standing in the rain he was hot, a true Alpha trait, and Emma felt herself immediately calmed by his touch.

“Shh, my love,” Killian said calmly, stroking his thumbs over her cheeks to wipe away her tears, but his words caused a new wave to burst from her eyelids. “Oh, Emma,” Killian soothed, placing one hand on the back of her head and pulling her to his chest.

Her arms wrapped around him immediately, fingers interlocking behind his back and holding him tightly. Killian let her cry, let her expel all of her wails into the fabric of his t-shirt as he stroked her hair, his own tears burning the rims of his eyes. He pinched them closed in an attempt to halt the sob in his chest at how much she was hurting, and a single tear rolled down his still wet face and fell onto the fabric of Emma’s oversized shirt.

After rubbing her back for a good few minutes, and letting her cry until her energy was almost gone, Killian smoothed his hands over her shoulders and pulled her from his body. Her eyes were red, as was the rims of her nostrils, and she quickly wiped at her nose with the extra long sleeve of the white shirt. “Is this one of mine?” Killian asked her with a small smile and Emma coughed out a watery laugh at his attempt to distract her.

“Maybe,” she shrugged weakly.

“It looks good on you,” he said with a smirk, arching an eyebrow playfully.

“It smells like you,” Emma sobbed, a fresh set of tears causing her vision to blur again.

“Hey, now, don’t start that again,” Killian pleaded, rubbing her arms lovingly. “What’s got you all upset, love?”

Emma’s bottom lip quivered and she was unable to stop it. She opened her mouth to speak but the lump in her throat stopped any of the words from coming out.

“Is it something I’ve done?” Killian asked her urgently, the tips of his ears blushing with pink. Emma shook her head and real panic rose up from within him about their last encounter. “Something I’ve said?”

“It’s…It’s…,” Emma stammered, unable to find the words she needed.

“Is it me?” Killian forced himself to ask, his jaw clenching straight after the words left his mouth in nothing but a whisper. He hated himself for being so selfish but Emma instantly reassured him.

“Never,” she breathed, placing her hands on his face. “You’re everything to me.”

Killian heaved a sigh of relief. Emma’s words were exactly what he needed to hear, even if they were not the ones he wanted to hear. He hastily gave his face a wipe, another stray tear having fallen in joyous comfort.

“Then please, love, tell me.” His hands slipped down to hers, clutching her fingers in his and giving them a little shake.

Emma gave him a small nervous smile and a nod of assurance before giving his arm a gentle tug and leading him to the couch. Killian followed, letting his hand slip from hers just long enough for him to slip off his jacket and hang it over a stool as they passed by the kitchenette. Emma was already settling against the arm of the couch when he got to her and reached out to take her proffered hand.

“I have to go away,” Emma said softly.

“Away?” Killian repeated, his stomach falling away from him as he sat down and made sure there was no gap between them.

“To a spa,” Emma said, hanging her head. “With my best friend who is also Graham’s mistress.”

Killian let out the breath he had been holding and a nervous laugh. “Is that all?”

“For a week.” Emma looked over to him and he was still smiling.

“Love, that’s nothing. I’ll be here when you get back,” he promised, rubbing a hand over her knee.

“Graham says we are getting too close. He’s been watching us.” Emma’s confession had Killian narrowing his eyes and an envious rage boiled inside of him.

“How?” Killian licked his lips and shook his head. He didn’t need to know the answer really, because he had seen the same car parked outside with the same distinctive henchman behind the poorly blacked out windows as she had. “Are you safe?”

“I think so, but I don’t want to go and have Ruby fish around for information I know Graham has told her to obtain. It’s going to be so fake,” Emma pouted. “I don’t have a lot of people in my life I can trust anymore.”

“You have me,” Killian told her. “You’ll always have me.”

Emma was suddenly overcome with a warmth pooling inside her that she never thought could be felt at a time like this. Killian’s concern meant more than she could say, more than she could describe, and all she could do was launch herself across the sofa and into his awaiting arms. Killian fell backwards onto the cushions and Emma fell onto him, her mouth seeking his for a passionate kiss. He let her fall onto him, nestling her against his chest as she scrambled for his touch, clinging to his wet t-shirt and holding on for dear life, forgetting all of her troubles in an instant.

Emma kissed him hard, like he was going to be gone the second she opened her eyes, and Killian let her, his lips parting ever so slightly and tracing the seam of her lips. Emma obliged, her tongue slipping passed her teeth and into his mouth where it duelled with his in impetuous passion. Her hands clawed at the hem of his shirt, desperate to rid him of the fabric as quickly as possible, but her weight pinned it to his body because she was reluctant to let even a slither of light pass between their bodies.

Killian grew hard despite his intention to not become aroused and he could smell that Emma was too. She was coating his senses in a cloak of visceral need, the animal within him roaring to life at the mere scent of her, and before he could rationalise any thought, his fingers were fumbling with the buttons of the shirt she was wearing, desperate to get to the skin beneath. Emma shifted her position until her knees were on either side of his legs and tore her lips from his, pushing herself into a sit and helping him divest herself of the shirt.

“Are you alright, love,?” Killian breathed, his words a whisper.

“I am now,” Emma sighed. She was in such a haste to rid herself of the shirt that she tore the bottom two buttons off before wrenching it off her shoulders. She was naked underneath, expectantly or not Killian wasn’t sure, but he couldn’t help but watch the sway of her breasts as she wobbled atop his groin while her hands went to work on his pants.

“No, Emma, stop,” Killian ground out, hating his rational brain and grabbing her hands, halting her advances. It pained him to his very soul to stop her, and the look in her eyes, one of pure hurt, sliced right through him.

“Don’t you want me?” Emma whimpered.

“Aye, of course I bloody want you,” Killian assured her with a sure nod. He still found it absolutely baffling how someone as beautiful as Emma had such a low self esteem, but as usual, the answers to his many questions led right back to her sorry excuse of a husband. He sat up, a huge flat palm spreading out over the middle of her back to make sure she didn’t topple backward, and gave her a loving smile. “I know you’re scared he is going to stop this,” he began, skimming his other hand down the length of her arm and massaging her fingers. “Only the gods can express how unbelievably frightened I am of the same thing.” Confident she was well balanced now, Killian slid his hand up her back and buried it in her hair, cradling her head and holding her face to his. Their noses were pressed together side by side and he felt his breath hitch before he pressed his lips to hers for a quick, chaste kiss. “I meant it when I said I loved you, Emma, and I don’t think I know how to stop.”

Emma pulled her head back and Killian’s hand moved to comb her golden tresses through his fingers, eager as ever to reassure her that whatever worry she was feeling would be over with soon. She blinked, swallowing hard. Emma had never told anyone she had loved them, not even Graham. Sure she had told him, but it had always been after he had said it first, as fleeting as those times were, and she wasn’t exactly sure what it meant to love somebody as openly as Killian clearly loved her.

“I can’t-,” she began shyly, but Killian cut her off.

“You don’t have to say it,” Killian added softly, recognizing the turmoil in her features and giving her a boyish smile that melted her heart. He reached behind her for his shirt she had discarded and pulled it up over her back to cover her once more. “I just want you to know that you are loved, Emma, and despite what you might think, you are not worthless.”

Emma’s lips curved into an unsure smile, little ticks of the corners that were accompanied by a rosy blush across her cheeks and the bridge of her nose that told Killian she was not used to such compliments, something he thought of a as grievous crime against the beauty of both her body and soul. She deserved more than she had ever received and if Killian could offer her just a small piece of his heart, he would wait forever for her to fill the void it had left with the gift of a piece of her own.

“Not to me,” Killian added, reiterating his feelings with a smile. “And I do love you.” He stroked the back of his knuckles over the apple of her cheek and his heart warmed with how deep red her cheeks grew. “But we shouldn’t do this, not here, not if the place is being watched.”

Emma nodded in agreement. “You’re right,” she pouted.

“I’m always right, love,” Killian winked. “And when you return I promise to show you just much I want you.” There was a darkness to the tone of his voice that had a shiver running down Emma’s spine but as quickly as it had appeared, it disappeared in his next words. “And luckily for you, I’m soft.”

“Soft?” Emma asked, confused.

“Soft,” he repeated with a nod and a grin. When Emma’s brow furrowed he chuckled and took pity on her, sliding her from his lap and wrapping one big strong arm around her. “It means I like cuddling too, even without sex.”

Emma snuggled into his side, stretching an arm across his still soggy midriff and hugging him tighter with a content purr. “Me too,” she said softly, a smile breaking out across her face as wide as a mile when Killian turned his head and kissed her on her forehead. “I mean, the sex is great, but,” she teased and Killian’s chest rumbled with laughter.

“But?” Killian prompted her to continue with a little nudge.

“But this is nice too.” Emma had never really had much physical affection like Killian had given her, little touches here and there and now a full blown snuggle on the couch as if they were a real couple. It made her feel special, more than she ever had done, and somehow she was okay with tonight being a different kind of intimate.

–

Angry didn’t even begin to cover what Emma was feeling right now. Thank the Lord for small favours and her chauffeur being on call, because when she had insisted on her driver staying at the resort too, and Graham had obliged, more than likely because the tall, skinny man with small round glasses and a hat Emma was pretty sure was glued to his fake hair piece underneath was actually one of Graham’s many little birds whose favourite song was the Killian and Emma show, she’d had no idea that after just two lunches with Ruby, she would need him to drive her home.

Even thinking about that invasion of marital privacy had her blood bubbling with fury, let alone what she had been stewing on during the drive home after less than half the week at the spa. Was nothing sacred to the man? Emma had been trying so, so hard to fight her growing feelings for Killian, despite everything thrown at her, if not for Graham than for the sake of her reputation as a lady of elite society, a reputation that had helped her fashion out a little niche existence of her own. It wasn’t about being rich, or being able to rub shoulders with these people, but instead about her identity as an individual without Graham, and she still had friends in high places, and many endeavours that would not look favourably at an affair, but did Graham care?

Fuck no.

Clearly not, because if the truth bomb Ruby had just dropped in the lap was anything to go by, Graham didn’t give a flying fuck about her or the meager life she had tried to build for herself in his shadow. Ruby was pregnant and her ever doting husband was the father, apparently something he was thrilled about. However, perhaps the most telling indication of who he was as a person, was when, after telling Ruby how delighted he was for an heir, he told her that Emma would raise the baby with him, as if they had sired the next CEO of the Humbert empire together, totally disregarding the feelings of a mother who would have her tot ripped from her bosom quicker than he could wish he was an Alpha.

The only reason Ruby had told Emma was because she was leaving town to get an abortion and regardless of what had happened between Graham and herself, she still thought of Emma as her best friend, and the whole thing with Graham had been fun and games until she had missed a period. She would tell Graham the baby was dead and knew he wouldn’t waste resources following her to check. Emma understood completely. Ruby was one of her most valued real friends, someone who had been there for her through so much already, and she couldn’t imagine taking the woman’s child and trying to raise it as her own. She just couldn’t. And if Graham knew either of them, he would have realised how insane the idea even was in the first place.

The ride home hadn’t abated Emma’s vehemence towards her husband one bit. It wasn’t about her, and it wasn’t about Ruby, or the life inside of her, but it was about how he had, for so long, managed to breeze through life treating people like property. Emma was sick of it. She was sick of how he had treated every single person and events around him with such frivolity, like his life was a game and his actions had no real consequence. Maybe she was taking it a bit far, storming out of a spa and wellness resort in the middle of the afternoon with nothing but the clothes on her back, but Emma just had to give him a piece of her mind whilst her temper charged storm of emotions swirling inside of her still fuelled her every being. If not for any other reason than he deserved it.

The time it had taken Jeeves - Emma knew that wasn’t his name, but Graham had never let her know his real one for fear they had, ironically, begun an affair - to get her home, Emma’s rage hadn’t fizzled out one iota. She launched herself from the car quicker than it took Jeeves to put it into park, and raced across the expansive gravel driveway in the fading light of afternoon. The sun was heading down for the evening but Emma was wide awake knowing that Graham would be home at this time too, and with any luck, she would be interrupting something he deemed of the utmost importance.

As usual, when the door was opened for her, the lobby of their mansion was empty, cold and uninviting despite the rays of sunshines currently warming their mark into the stone floor. Absentmindedly Emma wondered if they had owned a dog, would it be sunning itself in the beams the way dogs often did, desperate to catch the last warmth of the day. Equally as unnecessary in her thought process, Emma wistfully wished for the carefree life of a pet, free to do whatever she wanted all day without being constantly reminded of how she was nothing but a dissatisfaction wearing an expensive wedding ring.

Boy, was Graham in for some kind of shit storm.

Eventually she found him in his study, after a few pointed directions from staff who thought better than to get in her way, and didn’t even try to hide her ire as she strode across the expansive Persian rug between them and, just as he turned to look at her in shock of her actually being there, slapped him across the face with an audible smack. Hard. Graham’s previously relaxed stance stiffened up in an instant, his eyes fluttering closed as he rearranged his jaw from one side to the other before clenching it closed. Emma was seething, positively vibrating with wrath, the tips of her fingers tingling from the impact that had left a rather telling mark across Graham’s cheek.

“Hello wife,” Graham spat, peeling his eyes open to give her a cold, dead stare. “Back so soon?”

“Don’t ‘wife’ me, you bastard,” Emma yelled, jabbing Graham in the shoulder with the heel of her hand.

“I take it Ruby opened her fat mouth,” Graham mumbled to himself, sighing dramatically. “I guess you know the rest, judging by the pain in my shoulder,” Graham sneered.

“Why the fuck would you think I would raise someone else’s child with you?” Emma shouted, eyes wide with her words.

“It’s not someone else child, Emma, it’s mine,” Graham growled, his voice low and his words ground out through his clenched teeth.

“Oh, that makes it all better!” Emma laughed.

“What are you so angry about?” Graham shrugged. “It’s not like you aren’t getting what you want out of this arrangement.”

He meant Killian and Emma knew it, swallowing the spiteful words that threatened to fall out of mouth back down where they could fester in her stomach some more. “And what about Ruby, huh? You think she is just going to give up her child?”

Graham turned and Emma was taken back by his calm demeanour. “The child is a Humbert. It will live with me and you are my wife, and as such you will be expected to raise it accordingly.”

“Accordingly?” Emma shook her head. “What the fuck, Graham? You really have no idea how your actions affect everyone around you, do you?”

They stared at each other, Emma shaking with exasperation and Graham as cool as ice, still and motionless. Emma watched the bob of his Adam’s apple as he swallowed, slowly and deliberately like he even had control over his body’s most basic instincts.

“The child will be raised a Humbert,” Graham repeated slowly, pushing his hands into his pockets and taking a few menacing steps towards her. Emma didn’t back down, squaring her shoulders and met his gaze with the same intensity he was giving her. “You will raise it as a Humbert.”

“I’m not some fucking wet nurse for your bastard, Graham!” Emma sniggered. “I will not raise someone else’s kid, and I will not let you manipulate this situation in your favour like you always do. This is a life, a human being, Graham, surely you realise that!” Emma waved her hands, trying to find any empathy behind the blue eyes staring back at her, but all she saw was a wall of stone.

“You are my wife,” Graham ground out. “You will obey me.”

Emma laughed, loud and heartily, her entire body moving with the deep, belly rumbling hilarity of Graham’s statement. “I won’t, and there is nothing you can do about it. What are you going to do? Divorce me?” Graham’s furrowed brow meant she had struck a nerve.

“Pity,” he huffed, looking down at his feet. He knew there was no way Emma wouldn’t do as he wanted. She might want to be with the Alpha more than him, but he was pretty confident that if it came down to it, she wouldn’t leave a defenceless babe to fend for itself. Graham would simply take the baby form Ruby and leave it with Emma, sure nature would take its course and she would be unable to not help, and over time they would become one big semi agreeable family. He smirked to himself, and Emma scoffed a laugh as if she could read his mind.

“I’m so sorry I’m such a fucking disappointment!” Emma spat at him and with her words, Graham snapped, his biceps bulging under his sleeve caps as he clenched his fists in his pockets.

“Disappointment?” He snapped. “What do you know about disappointment, huh? Maybe if you’d been the wife I was promised-,”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Emma cried, moving towards him and grabbing his arm as he attempted to turn away.

“Nothing, forget I said anything.” Graham shook her off and made for his desk, the decanter of whiskey already halfway to the bottom.

“No, no, go on,” Emma insisted sarcastically. She followed after him, giving him a little shove that spilled the whiskey right out of the glass in his hand. “I’d love to hear about how yet another one of your problems in life is caused by me.”

“Not this one you wouldn’t,” Graham cautioned. He lifted the cut glass tumbler to his lips and took a sip of the burning liquid, exciting all of his taste buds at once.

“Are you fucking kidding me right now?” Emma screeched, running her hands through her hair. “Ten years of marriage and you won’t even be honest with me?”

“You wouldn’t want honesty, Emma, trust me.” Graham finished the whiskey, pouring the last of the honey coloured drink into his mouth and swallowing the lot in one gulp. He pinched his eyes closed until the burn at the back of his sinuses passed but when he opened them, Emma was still as disgruntled as before.

“Trust you?” she said spitefully. “Graham Humbert, the almighty, the all powerful, the good for nothing burnt out Beta who wishes he was an Alpha so badly? Where has that ever got me before?”

Graham spun around and advanced on her, making Emma jump back for a second. His hands were on her face, clamping her jaw in his grip and silencing her long enough to stare into her eyes and cause real fear to spark behind the green hues. “I can tell you where it will get you if you don’t stop with this Ruby bullshit.”

“Well it won’t be a divorce, you’ve made that abundantly clear.” Her words were compressed through her lips but they made her point. Humbert men didn’t get divorced, or so Graham had pounded into her brain from the second she had married him.

He pushed her head aside and released her jaw and Emma immediately rubbed at the soreness there. He walked by her as if she wasn’t even there, like she was nothing, like he hadn’t put his hands on her and hurt her. “Oh there are worse things to do to you, Emma. Don’t push me.”

“Don’t push you? Oh, honey, I haven’t even begun!” Emma ground her teeth, stalking after him with heavy footsteps that echoed off the vast ceiling above them. “You’re a bully, Graham, plain and simple,” she shouted. “You use other people to get what you want and you always will, and I don’t know if this is some kind of bullshit Alpha complex run amok, but I’m sick of it!” Emma caught up with him and dipped sideways, reappearing in front of him and halting his escape attempt. “I’m sick of the lies, the cheating, the galas and fake smiles, pandering to all your important friends, and most of all, I’m sick of you!” Emma took a breath, balling her fists at her side. “You’ll never be an Alpha as long as you live so-”

Her words were cut short by an overwhelming thud and the instant Emma’s eyes filled with the stinging sensation of tears, she knew he had hit her. The moment was in slow motion, like an out of body experience, and Emma felt the point of Graham’s knuckles hit her under the eye in a back hand punch. It shook her, physically and emotionally, and her body flushed with white hot prickles of adrenaline that blinded her so much she didn’t see the next blow coming.

“Shut up!” Graham shouted, his words hidden behind the slap sound. “Shut your dirty whore mouth!” Graham roared, spittle dripping from his lower lip in his rage. He raised his hand again but paused when Emma cowered away. “You want some truth? Here, how about this for a truth. The only reason we took you in was because you were an Omega and I was supposed to be Alpha, that’s the only reason I married you.”

“What do you mean I’m Omega?” Emma snapped, the pain in her cheek radiating through her entire jaw as she gently pawed at the underside of her eye socket where the skin felt like it had split open.

“Come on, Emma, don’t be dense,” Graham sneered. “Have you ever wondered why you couldn’t remember seeing a doctor for your ‘illness’? Ever wondered why my family were so insistent on your medication? It’s a supressant, you dumb bitch!”

Emma’s entire life flashed before her eyes. It all made sense. Everything was much clearer. She was Omega, a completely different gender class that she had always believed, and the entire Humbert family knew about it, but had suppressed her nature with drugs. For a second Emma imagined what her life might have been if she had never had the misfortune of crossing paths with the Humbert family. Would she have married an Alpha? Would she have pups of her own? Her mind swirled with scenario after scenario, all of which had been ripped from her grasp by Graham and his family.

“All this time,” Emma whimpered angrily, shaking her head. “You knew and let me think I was sick.” Her rage boiled up inside of her and she felt her fists ball at her sides again, her feet carrying her closer to the man in front of her.

“And you would have never have found out if it wasn’t for that fucking Alpha,” Graham rasped, his nose wrinkling at the thought of Killian being more than he had ever developed into.

His misplaced rage was evident and Emma was quick to interrupt his fury with a balled fist pounding on his shoulder. “Leave him out of this. He doesn’t know anything.”

“Aww, did I hit a sore spot there, darling?” Graham leered, cocking his head to one side in mock sympathy. “I’m not a fool Emma. I know you two have been fucking without my prior consent!”

“Your prior consent?” Emma yelled. “Listen to you, trying to control my life, what I do and who I see.” She laughed, scrubbing her hands over her face with a sigh. “Well, newsflash Humbert, I’m not your property.”

“Newsflash, Emma, I’ll be suing the fuck out of Killian Jones to recover all of the money he took whilst still fucking my wife, and then, when he has nothing else left, I’ll take his brother’s bar. I know people who could get that place shut down like that!” To emphasize the power he had to do as he had threatened, Graham clicked his fingers right in her face, and Emma blinked in an attempt to fight her flight response.

“Why are you like this?” Emma asked, her voice turning softer, more sympathetic. She had been fond of Graham once, and they were friends for so long before they got married, so the man in front of her right now, the man who had dared to lay hands on her, was not the man she had once known. “What happened to that sweet, charming guy I married, huh? Look what you’ve become, Graham. Spoiled, hateful and with so much anger-,”

Another blow took Emma by surprise and she had no time to brace herself. Graham’s clenched fist hit her again in the same place and Emma was sure that that blow had split the skin under her eye now. She tumbled backwards, falling flat onto her butt and only narrowly avoiding hitting her head on the marble fireplace surrounding behind her.

“Because of you!” Graham bellowed, looming over her, the vein in his forehead bulging.

“It’s not my fault you didn’t become an Alpha!” Emma slapped the floor beside her to highlight her point. “That’s not on me!” Emma snapped.

“They said an Omega presence would draw it out of me, make me into the most powerful Alpha my family had ever seen, but no!” Graham yelled, shaking with anger. “We paid good money for you!” He accused, pointing at her. “You ruined me, you poor, good for nothing ungrateful Omega whore!” Graham raised his hand again, intent on making sure Emma felt this one, but she scrambled backwards across the floor, pushing herself to her feet when her back hit the solid door frame. “Now do me a favour and get the fuck out!”

When Emma pulled open the door, the cold air from the hall hit the welt under her eye and halted the throbbing pain when she blinked. Graham was hot on her heels, shoes pounding the stone floor and sending echoes into the hall. One of the staff was barged out of the way by Emma and stumbled into Graham’s path, slowing him temporarily and Emma took the opportunity to race for the front door. She yanked it open and couldn’t stop the tears from falling any longer. One of her shoes came loose and she kicked the other one off, ignoring the searing pain shooting up her legs as she tore across the gravel driveway.

“And don’t come back!” Graham yelled after her, the door knocker clattering as he slammed the door and cast her out into the night.

[jay-and-dean]

I don’t need you  Chapter 9 : Hey Dean ?

Dean x reader

Summary : She’s a warrior, she’s a loner. Nothing can stop her, nothing ever had. She doesn’t need Dean, does she ?

This is a request by @magssteenkamp​ that I decided to turn to a serie, see the original request on the serie Masterlist.

Serie Warnings : Swearing (duh). Mention of death. Smut, probably all kind from rough to fluffy, I’ll precise in the chapters if there are specific warnings. Fluff. Angst of course.

Chapter warnings : Smut, fluffy smut, a hint of Dom!Dean. FLuff. Swearing. A hint of angst.

Words : almost 3.3 k

Note : Sorry I was late for this one, but things aren’t easy lately. For anyone I think. <3

***Want to read more ? => MASTERLIST***

*** I don’t need you MASTERLIST***

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           9.        Hey Dean ?

Dean's pov

             I run to her but it seems like the world is in freaking slow motion now.  

           Sam throws himself at the falling girl. She starts bleeding and her body is hurled forward, the slivers of glass going in every directions.

A woman screams and the whole bar turns to look at us, my tigress still holds the neck of the bottle in her hand but she doesn't move.

"Old creep" she mutters between her teeth.

"Damn it Y/n !" I yell at her when my body reaches hers, grabbing her from behind, catching her wrists so she doesn't attack the bleeding girl again.

And the time starts again. I shake her wrist hard so she lets go off the bottle and keep her crushed against me.

"Call an ambulance !" Sam yells to the bartender.

But he won't, I can see it on his shocked face, he will call the cops first, I would have done the same if I was him.

           Sam lifts his eyes on me, to make sure I'm in control of the "time bomb" I'm holding, but no one controls her, and if I can keep her arms, it's just because she lets me. I saw her fight before, and I know how many weapons she's carrying... She doesn't intend to hit again but I'm not taking risks.

"Y/n !" I groan when seeing the little smirk on her face. "You could have killed her !"

"Oh yeah ?" she half laughs, showing her predatory white teeth.

I can't help but shaking her one hard time again, like I could bring some sense into her.

"She's okay !" Sam says loud so the entire freaking out room hears him. "She just have a cut and..."

"Sam..." I grunt, and he understands.

He understands that we can't take the risk of being arrested by the cops, not us, but certainly not her either, because the police is already actively after her.

"I'm going to press charges" the woman on the ground mumbles.

           Sam gets up with his hands in surrender.

"Listen, our friend has issues and... we're sorry, we... You should call an ambulance" he states, grabbing his jacket.

Issues...

Her body relaxes slightly against mine and now I just feel like holding her in my arms. So I cautiously walk with her to the exit, ready to jump on whoever would be stupid enough to try and just touch one of her hair.

"You should keep your bitch on a leash" an old biker grunts and Sam puts a hand on my chest before I can make a move.

My jaw clenching, I give him a death glare, but I also know if I make just one move, this bar is going to turn into a freaking fight club.

           If I really want to protect her, the only thing I can do is bring her out of here. Y/n lifts her middle finger at him, making him stand up, but I drag her out of the bar quickly, grunting.

           Once out, I tug at her arm to make her walk to the Impala, and she enters the back seat without a word.

"Are you fucking insane ?" Sam yells at her, closing the passenger door.

"Sam..." I try.

The biker and a few more guys get out of the bar, and I start the engine fast, making baby's tires squeal on the asphalt.

"No Dean ! Seriously !" Sam cuts me. "Y/n !"

I drive out, taking a deep breath, they will have our description, and the description of the car, good thing we live in a bunker and are "dead" a long time ago. Maybe I'll ask Cas to help fix this.

"I lost it" she mutters.

"YOU DID YEAH !" he suddenly yells.

I don't say a word for now, I'm not that angry actually, I know I should be. I should be worried that she's that unpredictable, violent, I should say something about being careful, not hurting people and all. But...

"I'm not a child, Sam" she states firmly with an intimidating calm. "I'm not someone you can put in the back seat and reprimand like a kid that fought in school. I'm not your responsibility, and I won't abide you yelling at me" she takes a deep breath, her eyes on Sam's. "I-I know you think I'm a time bomb and bad and all..." she says and my heart races in my chest. "I'm sorry and I can leave."

"I don't think you're bad" Sam sighs. "I have seen bad, you're far from that, Y/n... I'm... worried. And I don't want you to leave..."

"I know this kind of woman" she grunts.

"They don't deserve to die" my brother turns to her.

"Sam, I'm not an idiot" she looks right back at him. "I have never killed anyone by accident..." A deep sigh leaves her lips. "I know what a monster is. Don't confuse a bar fight with murder..."

           Sam rubs his face and nods, biting his lips. He's right, this wasn't really a bar fight, she was feral and hit that girl without a warning, but she isn't lying either : she didn't want her dead, either way I wouldn't have stopped her, no one would have.

What was that Y/n ?

I think of her closed eyes under me, letting me take possession of her with a trust she never gave to anyone. She feels that connection, and she can't let someone attack me... I never had that, except Sammy defending me, I was always the one trying to protect people, and it didn't went so well...

           I can't help but smile a little, hidden by the darkness inside the car. I look at her discreetly, sitting deeper in the corner, closer to the window, also thinking she's hidden in the night's coat, but I see her clearly. I see her face softening, and a worried shadow fall on her eyes. She has no idea how to deal with what he's feeling, and letting me in was the bravest thing she did.

"Y/n" I call softly to make her look at me in the rear-view mirror and she does, a pained look on her face.

I just want her to look at me, to know I have noticed, to know I am here, always.

 ***

           I thought Sam would try to talk to me, that he would lecture me about how dangerous she can be, and I was ready. Ready to tell him she was not dangerous, just a little wild... And I was ready to tell him about us.

           He already knows about our link, about our connection and those knowing looks ; he knows we slept together and that I'm pretty much obsessed with her. What he doesn't know about is my feelings for her.

           He doesn't know that it's not just obsession.

           But he didn't say a word : We came back to the motel and she smiled at him, putting a hand on his arm, telling him she was incredibly grateful for that new formidable weapon we now got against the vampires.

"You're incredible, Sam Winchester" she said, earning a smile from him. "I promise I will try to work on my anger... I'm going to my room."

And she left.

           I actually wanted Sam to say something to me, I sat on the bed and stayed silent, somehow hoping he would give me the occasion to tell him how important she is for me. But as he started telling me a little more about the spell, I knew he wouldn't go on that road tonight.

           Then he showered and went to bed... And here I am.

           Watching the ceiling, obsessed by the idea of her being just above, in the room she booked for herself when we arrived, like she does when it's possible, and enough rooms are available and not too expensive -despite my insistence on the fact that it's not actually our money, she always counts carefully-.

           That room in which she opened up to me, in which I made love with her...

           I sit, unable to find sleep, and look at my right to my brother laying on his stomach, his hair falling on his face, then at the clock on my left : 03:48. I take a deep breath and get up in silence, the fresh air of the room hitting my skin.

           Grabbing my coat, I put it on my naked chest, adjusting my sweatpants and look back one last time before I leave the room.

 Reader's Pov

             Sitting at the little table close to the window, I look outside from the dark of my room, sipping at the instant coffee I made. Nothing happens on that parking, but I need to look outside, to see the sky, the stars shyly shining behind those seedy lights.

           I fell in love with Dean Winchester. He stole a heart I thought was stone and made it beat in his hands.

           Now I can't sleep, I can't do anything but thinking about his kisses on me. I close the note book in front of me where I only wrote a few lines about Sam's plan, unable to do more.

           If I could talk to the kid I was, I don't know what I would tell her. For the first time, I have no idea...

           But suddenly, he appears on the parking lot, Dean.

           His shoes untied, his sweatpants sticking to his strong thighs with the wind, his hands clinging to his coat. My heart turns to a humming bird as he disappears in the stairs. I get up and rush to the door to open it.

"Hey" he says reaching it.

"Hey" I answer with a smile, frozen in the door frame, staring at him.

"Can I come in ?" he chuckles.

"Y-yes sorry" I take a step back to let him walk in, and close the door behind me.

The second he's in, he lets go off his coat and the green jacket falls open on his chest. He has been cold, Goosebumps raising in waves between his nipples and on his stomach.

           I walk to him, putting my hands on his chest before I slide them on his back, never leaving his skin. Putting my head on his neck, I crush my warm body on his, regretting that I wear a shirt, because I crave his skin on mine.

           He hums, and wraps his arms around me, his heartbeat steady in my ear. I want to look up but that would mean leave his skin for a second, and for now it's not possible, so I press my lips on the junction of his neck and his shoulders, and inhale deeply.

"You didn't need to attack that girl" he says low, his deep voice drowning my brain in a peaceful warm feeling of invulnerability.

I attacked her because I felt the rage of injustice in my bones, insulting someone you don't even know, without knowing what they are dealing with at the moment, not caring about the damages you could cause. What if Dean was dealing with depression ? What if those kind of words had actually shattered him ? And what ? Insulting the man that was working on a plan to save the more people he can ? Again ! A man that dedicated his life to others ! Gave up everything so that she can go out in bars without being eaten alive ! Just because she felt offended that he wasn't drooling on her three thousand bucks boobs...

"She insulted you..." I just shrug sincerely.

Those are excuses, those are the reasons my brain came up with, but I didn't grab that bottle because of my brain...

"You can't lash out each time someone is not nice to me, Y/n" he just states and I could swear I hear a smile in his tone.

           I very slowly move my face from left to right and right to left, so my lips caress his neck and my hands rub his back, fingers going up and down the valley of his muscles.

           My Dean, my hero...

           His arms squeeze me a little, crushing me against him like a toddler with his favorite teddy bear, and I smile.

"Is Sam mad at me ?" I murmur, now putting a few kisses on his collarbone.

"Sam likes you more than you think" he says so deep and so close to me that my chest vibrates. "I think he's mostly afraid of what's going between us..."

He lets a silence fall in the room, last time he said "us", I told him there was no such thing, hurt him and broke my own heart.

"Why ?" I whisper, my hand going down to the curve of his ass, where his sweatpants rests lazily, under the dimples of his lower back muscles.

I slip both my hands pass the elastic band of his pants, my kisses on his neck becoming hungrier, but I can't move a lot, because he's holding me so tight. I never felt like this, like I can just take someone in my arms and let my love come out my every pores, my every breaths....

"Because we are... intense" he states and a wide smile appears on my face when I feel is cock twitch against my lower stomach, barely hold by the lose grey sweatpants. "And... It's new to him, he never saw me like this."

Saw him like this... My grin widen and my hands rest on his ass cheeks.

"No underwear ?" I purr, my kisses going up his jaw.

"It's more comfy like this to sleep" he admits, taking a few steps backward until the back of his knees touch the edge of the bed.

           His hands let go of me for a second to grab my panties under the oversized shirt I'm wearing, and I instantly miss the pressure, the strength of his arms being my armor. He pushes them and I just let them fall on the ground, stepping out of it.

"I had so many fantasies of you in this Hocus Pocus t-shirt..." he admits, sitting down to put his head on my chest on the plain back shirt I'm wearing now, wrapping his hands behind my thighs.

"It burnt, Dean" I sigh, spreading my legs to straddle him gently, feeling him lift his hips just a little to free his cock.

"I'm so sorry about that" he sighs pumping himself a few times.

Then he kisses me.

           In the background, I hear my phone ring but ignore it, the only one I care of is Dean.

           There is no rush or brutal need. Just Dean, my Dean and me, wanting to be together, needing each other close.

           He kisses my lips and lines himself with my entrance, letting me sink on him in a few shallow thrusts to wet him enough, feeling the head of his velvety cock stretch me, more of him able to slip in me with each up and down moves of my hips, my body soaking him with slick inch by inch. His moans are soft but they resonate on every walls in the silence of our peaceful night and in my body making my core throb a little around him in a urge to have him impossibly deeper.

"Look at me" he groans, suddenly grabbing my face with one hand to prevent me from hiding in his neck. "You're mine now, Tigress."

In just a second, his hand breaks the peace by almost bruising my face, and I feel his hips starting to join my movements, hitting my sweet spot with each thrust, and an increasing force. My phone lights up again but I don't hear his buzz behind the groans and moans of my hunter.

"Ah !" I cry out, trying to keep my eyes on him even when I'm already shaken by the need to come.

"Tell me" he orders.

I let out a pathetic "yes" almost whistling in strangled inhale but his fingers squeeze my face harder, and his other hand grabs my waist roughly to hold me tight.

"Out loud" he groans. "You can't play with me, baby. Not now that you made me fall in love with you."

It hits me like an orgasm before the orgasm and I gather my focus.

"Y-yes" I whine. "I'm yours, baby. I'm yours !"

With that he lets go of my face and waist, wrapping his powerful arms around me to hold me still, crushed against his body, while starts to quickly pound into me. Peaceful can't last long between the two of us.

           I cry out when his teeth sink in my neck, I cry out when his cock twitches violently inside of me before he empties himself in a growl deep inside of me, and I cry out when I come, my body on fire, hips rolling against his pelvis as I can now he stilled, hungry to take him deep, longer, high on my orgasm.

           I'm out of breath, Dean still buried deep, softening slowly as he kisses random spots on my face.

My phone buzzes again, and my eyes land on it in annoyance.

"What the..." I frown.

"What is it ?" Dean worries, searching my face.

           I get up on my knees, freeing Dean's cock. A hiss leaves his lips and he tries to hold me back but I stretch my arm and one leg to grab the buzzing phone, feeling Dean's finger in the inside of my thighs, and his kisses on my hip.

           I sit back down on his lap and see him playing with a bit of cum between his fingers. I sigh, answering while my baby grunts, his head on my neck again to kiss me.

"Joe ?"

Dean stops kissing me, a serious look immediately spreading on his beautiful sweaty face.

"Y/n... I have been trying to call you for a while now. Are you safe ?"

"I am... I thought you were..." I rub my face, my high-on-love brain fighting to proceed that my friend is alive.

"Yeah, about that... I am in trouble Y/n. I saw your apartment burnt and... Fuck I'm so relieved you're alive..." he sounds really worried.

Dean looks at the phone sternly, his hands possessively holding my waist.

"Where are you Joe ? I'm coming to get you."

"I'm in your neighbor" he says.

"Okay, do you have somewhere to go ? It might take a while for me to join you" I admit, touching Dean's hair lovingly.

"I'll stay at the Golden line hotel waiting for you. Where are you ?"

"Idaho" I state and hear him gasp.

"What are you doing in Idaho ?" he asks with a frown audible in his voice.

Making love with Dean Winchester.

"It's a long story" I half smile at the beauty of the green in my lover's eyes. "I'll call you when I'm close, okay ? I'll do as fast as I can, Joe. Stay safe."

I hang up and bend to kiss Dean's lips.

"Will you come with me ?" I ask.

"There's no way you go alone where the cops, the vamps and a handsome hipster are after you" he grunts, wrapping his arms around me again, his forehead resting on my shoulder.

"Hey Dean ?" I call softly, still playing with his hair.

"Mh ?"

"I love you."

________________________

***FEEDBACK IS GOLD***

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[screensirenfic]

Menthol Cigarettes - Chapter 10 - NSFW Warnings: Slight Dub-Con

Out of all the punishments Billy chose to deal out on me for various fictional offences; edging had to be the worse.

He’d tried spanking, biting, hair pulling, making me fuck myself on him, but nothing had me begging and crying in quite the same way.

Maybe it was weird that Billy liked my tears so much; a strong dominant impulse making him enjoy the sight of me completely vulnerable beneath him, practically shaking for him to give me release.

Tonight’s punishment was no different; Billy having already brought me to the edge eight times, only to pull back at the last second.

It was time consuming, agonising way to take out his insecurities on me; my thighs twitching from strain and my clit practically numb from his continuous rubbing, but Billy was enjoying this; his hard cock leaking onto my ass, letting beads of precum trickle down and into my pussy.

“Billy; please... Stop...” I begged; my voice strained as I whined against the mattress, hips bucking against thin air as he drew back a ninth time.

“Ahhh, ahhh...” Billy cautioned; the smooth smirk in his voice enough to make me want to hit him; but I couldn’t, not with my hands going numb behind my back.

“I thought you were going to take your punishment like a good girl?” He asked; his hand returning to its place between my thighs as he began to finger me again with hard and rough strokes that had my back arching painfully against the bed.

“I am; I am...” I sobbed, having to bite down on the comforter, because Billy was making me want to scream with his hands alone.

“I just feel sick, Billy...” I complained, and it wasn’t a lie.

My stomach was cramping so hard from unspent orgasms that I could feel his load rising back up in my throat, and I feared I soon wouldn’t be able to stop myself from redecorating his bedsheets.

“Alright; you’ve been good...” He relented, and I breathed a sigh of relief at the thought of a reprieve.

“Just one more time, baby, and then we can stop...” Billy cooed, making me clench as he slid a third finger in; the pressure near agonising in my overly tight cunt.

I tried to relax, closing my eyes to counteract my vision from going blurry, as Billy laid claim to my pussy.

I loved Billy; I really did, but sometimes his kinks were too much for even me.

I got that I was his first proper girlfriend, and that he liked to experiment, but I always ended up being the one held down and forced to cum over and over until I couldn’t walk, or alternatively passed out.

It was a real seratonin rush, but when he made it hard for me to ride my motorcycle for the next few days; I kinda wished he’d ask how hard I’d like to go that night.

My final orgasm was rising upon me; toes curled into my feet as I held my breath, already knowing he was gonna pull out before I had time to finish.

“Last one; baby girl. Last one...” He reassured me, watching as my pussy lips began to twitch, and taking it as a signal to rip his fingers out of me.

I gasped like I’d been shot, the sudden lack of stimulation making all my muscles cramp in protest.

My body shook, and I could feel tears beginning to fall down my face, unable to stop myself from letting out small choking sobs that were muffled into the mattress.

“Oh; sweetheart...” He cooed, reaching out to stroke my side in a way that made me jump; every nerve in my body on edge from his overstimulation.

“Are you crying?” He asked; his voice almost pleased at the revelation, another insight into the darker side of Billy Hargrove.

I didn’t answer; too breathless and shaky to even begin to explain how I was feeling.

Still; Billy liked to know his efforts were appreciated, reaching out to cup my face and turn it towards him as he bent over me; face mere inches from my own.

“You are...” He grinned, biting his lip at the sight of me all red eyed and tear stained.

“Don’t worry...” He continued to coo, stroking my hair like I was some pet as he continued to study every inch of my puffy red cheeks.

“You’ve been a real good girl...”

He leaned in to kiss me; his lips soft but demanding as his tongue snaked into my mouth, forcing even more moans from my tear strangled throat.

I savoured the taste of him; the warmth of his body, desperate for some sort of stimulation to bring me over the edge.

He pulled away too soon, settling back on his haunches as he took a firm grip of my bound wrists; the other hand resting comfortably on the curve of my hip.

“And because you’ve been such a good girl; I’m gonna take care of you...” He drawled; the implications of his words making my heart skip a beat.

A suddenly felt something wet and hard and warm press against my entrance, and I held my breath, so hoping he didn’t choose now to tease.

Lucky for me, Billy was a man of his word, slowly but surely pushing into me in a way that made my toes curl and forced every ounce of air from my lungs.

He felt so good, it was painful; every steaming hot inch sinking into me making my over sensitive walls convulse with need.

It was bound to be messy; my already drooling pussy leaking openly around him, letting streams of my arousal trickle down my legs and onto the comforter below.

Still; Billy never cared. Having to scrub his sheets was well worth seeing me cry and beg for him whilst he fucked me into oblivion.

Every vein and bump on his smooth cock was like torture, and I found myself clinging to his hand, fingernails biting into his skin as I tried to ground myself with anything besides the sensation of him splitting me open.

Eventually, he bottomed out; this angle so much deeper than usual that he pressed heavily against my cervix; and if I didn’t know better, I’d suggest that in time, the head of his cock might breach it completely.

There was so much skin contact like this, Billy bent over my back as he kissed his way across my shoulder blades, firm strong thighs pressed against the back of my own giving me no choice but to stay upright.

“Oh; Billy...” I sighed, managing to get something that resembled his name out as I closed my eyes, enjoying how he filled me completely without a single millimetre of wriggle room.

Billy straightened up again, moving away from my sweat covered back so he could begin pounding into me; not even giving me a seconds reprieve to get over his hard and fast thrusts.

It made my head spin; the impact of his thighs against the back of my own forcing a pained cry from my lips with every buck of his hips; my pussy already beginning to twitch with the start of an orgasm.

“Jesus; Billy!” I cried at one particularly hard thrust; my spine arching heavily as electricity began to run up and down my body.

“You ready to cum; sweetheart?” He asked, using my arms as leverage to bounce me up and down his cock, watching how I wriggled and squirmed desperately against him.

“Please; Billy! Please-“ I gasped; my neck cramping from how vigorously I was nodding, desperate for him to let me finish for the first time in forty minutes.

“Alright; I’ll be good to you.” Billy agreed; one hand snaking down my front, and at first I thought he was gonna play with my clitoris, but instead he just pressed down hard on the front of my stomach.

It felt weird; like I suddenly felt the urge to pee, but  I tried to ignore it, focusing on the intense feeling of Billy’s cock pistoning in and out of me.

I could hear him grunting, and I wondered if he planned to finish with me; though considering he’d cum already, it was more likely he was planning to draw out my orgasm, and maybe even try for consecutive ones.

Billy began to press harder on my stomach, and that sensation of fullness got worse, making it feel like the moment he drove me over the edge; I wouldn’t be able to control it.

I began to panic, so desperate not humiliate myself in front of him, especially when he was so in the mood.

“Billy; stop- please-“ I whined, squirming under him in an attempt to dislodge him from my cunt.

“Shhh; it’s alright sweetheart. We’re almost there...” He cooed, clearly mistaking my protests for my usual concerns over intense orgasms.

“No; Billy, you don’t understand- you gotta stop-“ I exclaimed, wriggling more and more to little avail.

“It’s alright; baby. Just relax into it...” He soothed, pushing on my stomach and back in tandem so I had no choice but to just go with it.

“Cum for me, baby...” He purred, and my eyes rolled back into my head; my vagina suddenly clamping down on him as my orgasm hit me.

I felt that pressure in my stomach finally be released, and a sudden rush of wetness that was far more than was usual released, but still; I didn’t have time to be embarrassed, Billy still rocking in and out of me as he began on his challenge to see how many orgasms he could coax out of me.

TAGLIST: @lemonypink @daringvixon