#is it any wonder that their relationship is so important to me.

[ghsface]

I knew it, i know you... - Matt Sturniolo

Sumary: You return to a place in the past, where memories and guilt haunt you as you find your ex, facing what you could never let go of.

Warnings: angst, break up, insecurities (on the part of the protagonist) guilt, no happy ending, I think that's all.

A/n: This is my first time writing angst, I really enjoyed doing it so I'll probably start writing more angst, I hope you like it and tell me what you think, I was inspired by one of my favorite songs by Gracie I hope you like it. by the way I'm sorry if there's something wrong or that you don't understand, my first language is not English.

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That night, the restaurant's atmosphere was familiar and welcoming, full of memories you'd rather leave buried. You were there, surrounded by your friends, laughing, talking, and trying to forget that this was the place you always came to with Matt. From the moment you walked through the door, you tried to focus on anything but the memories, knowing full well that something as simple as a glance at the corner where you used to sit could shatter you.

You laughed, enjoyed the dessert, and pretended that the empty chair in front of you didn't remind you of him, of Matt, the love of your life. The one you'd let go because you believed you didn't deserve the happiness he gave you. You'd been so trapped in your insecurities, in doubts you didn't even know how to express, that the only escape you found was to end the relationship. "It's better this way," you told yourself. "It's the best for both of us." You kept repeating to yourself

As your friends began to gather their things and pay their bills, you knew the night was coming to an end and you couldn't help but feel a certain anxiety. They apologized for having to leave, and you smiled at them in an attempt at reassurance. "I'm fine, girls. Enjoy your night." And as soon as they left, you were left alone, wondering if you should also pay your bill and leave to avoid any chance of running into him.

But that was when you saw him. Or rather, you saw them. First it was Nick, who recognized you instantly and gave you a look that you pretended not to notice. He looked away, but you knew he had seen you. However, the illusion of being invisible crumbled when you looked up again and your eyes met Chris, who was now also watching you. You tried to concentrate on your dessert, as if you were suddenly on a mission to finish it as quickly as possible, while feeling the weight of their gazes.

Finally, it was Matt who looked at you. You knew it without even looking up. His presence was unmistakable, the same effect he had on you before, only now it was accompanied by a pang of pain and shame. His eyes were on you, but there was no such sparkle as before, that spark that once made you feel like the most important person in his world...

You sighed, putting the spoon aside and taking a break. You needed air. You calmly stood up and headed to the bathroom, forcing yourself not to turn around or look at him. As you walked, memories began to come back, and it was as if the bathroom became a portal to all those things you thought you had overcome. You closed your eyes and suddenly you were there again, on that first day.

Flashbacks...

It was summer, just another day in the park where you spent hours talking. Matt seemed anxious, and you, without knowing why, felt that nervousness reflected in you.

“I’ve been thinking…” Matt paused, staring at your intertwined hands, then looked up to meet yours. “I don’t want to think anymore. Just… will you be my girlfriend?”

A blush had crept up your face, and you were surprised by the intensity with which you had responded.

“Yeah. Of course I will, Matt.” A nervous laugh escaped your lips, and he hugged you, so tightly that it made you feel like you would never need anything else.

The memory changed, and suddenly you were in his living room, fighting in an impromptu pillow fight, laughing like never before, while Chris and Nick complained about the noise from the kitchen.

“Come on, Matt!” you yelled, throwing a pillow at him. “Is that all you got?”

“You think so? Start running babe,” he replied, his mischievous smile lighting up his face as he dodged another blow and lunged at you, trapping you in his arms. The warmth of his hands on your shoulders and the laughter you shared filled the room with an energy that only existed between the two of you.

But then, the memory quickly changed. It was him, frowning, looking at you with concern. “What’s wrong? Why are you so distant?” he asked you sweetly and with a hint of desperation. And you, instead of opening up, lowered your head and muttered a “It’s nothing” that tasted like a lie.

He asked you the same thing over and over again. “It hurts me to see you like this, but… I don’t know how to help you if you don’t tell me.” He said with pain in his voice

You couldn't give him an answer, and the frustration in his eyes became unbearable. He had always tried to be there, but you were sinking into a confusion and despair that you didn't know how to explain.

"Matt..." you had murmured, looking at him without words, knowing that every second of silence hurt more than anything else you could say. He took your hands, trying to comfort you, but the weight of your own thoughts was like a barrier you couldn't cross.

Despite his attempts, his tenderness, his patience, you sank into your own insecurities, building a wall that he never managed to tear down.

The last day you saw him, the day everything broke, was engraved in your memory like an open wound. He was standing in front of you, his eyes full of pain, but you stood firm.

"I can't keep doing this to you," you had said, as if it were the easiest thing in the world. He stayed silent, as if those words were a blow to his stomach.

“Really? That easy for you?” he said, and his voice was a mix of disbelief and sadness.

You distanced yourself from him, unable to bear the pain you caused, but you knew you couldn’t keep dragging him down with you. You couldn’t keep making him suffer for something you didn’t even know how to explain.

“Yes, Matt. I’m sorry, but I have to,” you said, and as he remained silent, you let him go.

Then, the inevitable. You ignored his calls, his texts, and not just his, but also those from Chris and Nick, your best friends. You didn’t want to face them, what you had done, the guilt you felt. You chose silence as a refuge, despite knowing how much it hurt them.

End of flashbacks…

You took a deep breath, opening your eyes, trying to stifle the memories. You left the bathroom and, just as you tried to go back to your table, you heard Nick’s voice calling you.

“Hey! It’s you!”

You turned around, feigning forced surprise. “Oh, Nick! Hi!”

“I can’t believe you’re here,” Chris said, joining the conversation, as if it were the most normal thing in the world. But there was an intensity in his words that made you hesitate.

“Yeah, well… coincidence, I guess,” you replied, laughing nervously. You avoided looking at Matt, who was silent, staring at his glass as if it were the only thing in the world.

Nick smiled at you, approaching you with that warmth you had always appreciated in him. “How have you been?” Chris asked, trying to keep the conversation going.

“Fine, just… living life, I guess,” I replied, the words coming out almost without thinking.

Matt was still sitting in his chair, making no move to talk to you. You felt the weight of his indifference, and an unbearable guilt enveloped you. How could you do this to him? How could you leave without giving him a chance to understand?

You began to chat casually, as if it were a reunion between old friends and not a constant reminder of unhealed wounds. You felt the topic everyone wanted to avoid was obvious.

Matt, however, remained silent, barely looking at you. You knew he was aware of your presence, but he didn't say a word to you. Guilt weighed on your chest, every second intensifying the pain you had tried to bury.

After a while, the atmosphere began to become uncomfortable. You smiled at them and excused yourself, trying to escape from that place that seemed to collapse on you, knowing that it was time to leave. You walked to the cashier, paid your bill, and before leaving, you turned to look at them one last time.

There was Matt, with those eyes that always seemed capable of seeing beyond your words. In that look, full of sadness and nostalgia, you understood that the wound would never completely heal. Those eyes that loved you, that once were everything to you, were now filled with a sadness that you could never erase.

You knew that you would never forgive yourself for what you had done, you would never forgive yourself for what you did, but deep down, you knew that maybe you couldn't have done it any other way, you had done it for him, for yourself. Still, the pain was still there, like a constant echo. And when you left, a part of you was left behind, lost in the memory of what could have been.

You'll never be able to let Matt go. And maybe, he won't either.

You left the restaurant, taking with you the echo of their glances, the memories, and the weight of a story that, one way or another, would always remain unfinished.

⛧°。 ⋆༺ ✮ ༻⋆。 °⛧

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Tags... @matthewsroses @dominicfikeenthusiast @louipartridge @sophand4n4 @bsturnzmtt <3

[dreamyyesenia]

Always Keep Simming - When Enemies become Allies

Aileen and Colin arrived in a very different, very much no-more-empty Sixam!

Definitely tested the showers in the new place thoroughly. A priority, when it comes to any new place (definitely more important than meeting its people) 🤭

Relationships are key sometimes… Aileen definitely won the Aliens over.

⬇️ Full Story below

As the holidays came to an end, Aileen decided to finally take Colin with her to Sixam. When they arrived there, everything was different. There were huge modern buildings, decorated for the festive season even!

As mentioned before, Aileen and Colin were in a very flirty mood, constantly since his rescue and almost-death. So, before they even got a chance to talk to the inhabitants of Sixam, the two lovebirds had some fun in the bathroom (which was not very private but alas..).

Satisfied for the moment, the two continued searching the area and soon met some aliens. They were greeted with respect. "Welcome back, Mrs. Blackburn! Did you come to offer your services to us?", they asked. Colin looked at Aileen, his brows raised. Aileen laughed. "In fact, I came to ask for your services, dear", she replied, smiling. The Alien laughed and said "Oh, well, I'm open to new experiences, you know? I hereby offer myself to you, my lady." Colin interrupted before Aileen could let things go into a direction he very much didn't want to witness: "Help! We came here for help! You said we can always come and ask for help, if we need it!" The Alien bowed their head to Colin. "Of course, as already mentioned, I offer myself to you. In whatever way you need me, sir." Aileen was delighted. She had always loved Aliens, even if their constant abductions and tests on her hadn't been the best experience. Nonetheless, they were adorable.... and a bit creepy, but creepy was always good in Aileen's book. Colin was confused but he didn't argue further and they both told the Alien about their dispute with the master sage of the Realm of Magic.

"I will talk to my friends and we will contact you as soon as we can!", the Alien reassured them. "Don't you love what became of Sixam? This is all thanks to you, lady. The return of the MOTHER, even if not in person but in spirit, has done wonders for this place and our hearts. We are forever grateful and thus in your dept." Before they went through the wormhole generator again, Colin asked: "How will you contact us?" The Alien smiled brightly and said "We'll invite Mrs. Blackburn to a short ride through space and then bring her back quickly, promised!" ... So, an abduction?

[aspecpplarebeautiful]

I created this. I made a post on my most used blog @smolbeanie1221 and that was the last part of it. And I think that really kinda sums up how I felt when I figured out I’m aroace. Accepting that it was okay for me to be attracted to anyone, that took a while. And it was freeing to accept that about myself. And then realizing that just because I could be attracted to anyone and I was still a good person, I don’t actually have to be attracted to anyone. And I’m still a good person. And there’s a freedom in realizing both those things, of letting go of the heteronormative pressure of society, then letting go of the allonormative pressure of society. Realizing both those things about myself, I felt incredibly free. I can be attracted to anyone, but I don’t have to be attracted to anyone.

And now I’m in a relationship with someone I love and adore so much. Do I think she’s absolutely beautiful and attractive and wonderful and perfect and amazing and on and on? Absolutely. Am I attracted to her in any traditional ways, any allo ways, any easy-to-describe ways? Nope. But I’m very much in love with her. And realizing my freedom, not only in who I can love but how I can love? That’s something very important to me.

I’m posting a similar post on my blog @smolbeanie1221 but I wanted to share somewhere I know more people will hopefully see this. Because I think this freedom is absolutely beautiful and incredible to realize.

~wolfyboi

.

[mc-lukanette]

"We're busy down here right now," Sabine said, "but you know the way. Don't worry, she's not contagious."

Luka nodded and headed past the bakery to go up the stairs. He would've gone to see Marinette even if she had been contagious, but it helped that he wouldn't have to get into a debate with anyone over how close he should or shouldn't be to her.

The house, for the most part, seemed as it always did, though he caught the scent of soup in the kitchen. There was a pot sitting in the sink, further confirming the idea, and he checked the fridge to see if there were any leftovers. He needed to know and memorize the contents while he was there, not knowing when Marinette had last eaten or if he'd have to make a trip to get something for her.

When he was satisfied, he closed the fridge and ascended the stairs, knocking on the trap door of sorts leading to her room so she'd know he was there.

"Marinette," he called, "Can I come in?"

There was some mumbling on the other side, but he understood it well enough to know it was the affirmative kind. He let himself in, spotting Marinette laying on the chaise lounge and covered by the blanket from her bed. It might've been better for her to be lying on the bed itself, but when he glanced at the hard stairs, hard floor, and factored that in with how out of it she must be, he understood.

Marinette blinked at him, squinting like he wasn't quite clear in her vision, then snuggled against the chaise lounge and let out a droning, "Heeeeey, Luka~"

"Hey." He smiled. She needed sleep, looked as sick as she sounded over the phone, but was just as beautiful to him as always. He crossed the room to sit on the floor near her, leaning against her sickbed and reaching out to stroke her forehead. "Are your eyes bothering you?"

"Mm-mm." She shook her head, then let out a tiny cough. "Was hard to see past the sparkles."

"The sparkles?" he echoed, concerned. "You're seeing stars?"

"No," she groaned, offended somehow. "You're always sparkly to me."

He shut his eyes, having just been punched in the stomach by pure affection. No matter how close he and Marinette were, he was occasionally caught off-guard when she'd say something so heartfelt.

"The feeling's mutual," he said when he found his voice again, idly brushing aside strands of her bangs that he'd worried might bother her. "Are you hungry? Thirsty?"

Her voice dragged as she thought about it. "Nnnot really? Ate a bit ago and had a drink."

"When was a bit ago?" he asked, suspicious.

Her lips pressed together, not answering. Scrutinizing her expression, he only let the subject go when he determined that it was because she genuinely didn't know the time rather than trying to "not burden him." They were still working on that in their relationship and he'd been guilty of it himself at times, so he was lenient with her.

Pushing himself up just enough to lean over her, he pressed a kiss to her temple. She let out a tiny, pleased squeak at it that he swiftly committed to memory; he'd happily push aside a few of the more unimportant things that he'd remembered from inside her fridge to make room for that cute noise.

"Are you tired?" he wondered, figuring that was the other important thing to check. "I won't go anywhere if you want to sleep."

"Nu-uh." She paused. "Not nu-uh to you staying here. I'm not tired, just dying."

He snorted at the extra rasp she'd intentionally put into her voice at that last word, then moved to sit on the chaise lounge itself rather than the floor. "You're strong. You'll beat this easily."

She looked at him with narrowed eyes, letting out a long, tiny hum. "And you're going to stay right there?"

He didn't know what the emphasis was for, but nodded. "Yeah."

"Mm." To his surprise, she pouted and turned away, effectively keeping her back to him.

Had he done something wrong? "Marinette?"

"It's okay." She coughed, not sounding okay." I'm sick, so I'm probably pretty gross right now. Of course you wouldn't."

Luka racked his brain, trying to understand what she meant, and then he remembered: ever since they'd started dating, he would always offer her cuddles whenever she was in a bad mood, when he felt she needed it, or simply when he wanted to.

He eyed the thick blanket, uncertain, imagining their combined body heat trapped under it. "Wouldn't it be too warm with me and the blanket?"

Not missing a beat, she replied in a mumble, "I'd get rid of the blanket before you."

Her parents almost definitely wouldn't approve of a teenage boy sleeping next to their sick teenage daughter, but that wasn't going to stop him. He took off his shoes before standing up and lifting a corner of the blanket to get inside. Slipping himself underneath, he wrapped his arms around her and pulled her against him, relishing in the shuddering exhale that followed.

"Feeling better?" he asked with a knowing smile.

"Much~" She giggled, turning herself just enough to try and nuzzle him. "I was thinking it'd be the perfect practice."

"Practice?" He couldn't help his curiosity. "Practice for what?"

"Spooning!" It was the loudest she'd been since he got there. "We've never spooned before. It'll be important if we ever share a bed to practice."

He had no response to that, though the room suddenly felt warmer. He didn't get how one could practice spooning - weren't they simply doing it right then? - but he acknowledged to himself that it could've been Marinette being a little dazed from being sick.

What he couldn't get past, however, was that apparently she'd thought about it enough that she saw it as important, and even imagined that they might share a bed someday. Did that imply that they'd be living together, or that they'd at least be so close to doing so that they constantly visited each other and slept over?

He sighed affectionately, burying his face into Marinette's hair. They were equals in that neither of them had prior dating experience before each other, but it was moments like these that reminded him of how not used to it he was. He'd given plenty of hugs and cheek kisses to his little sister to show that he cared, but this was so much more than a step up from that.

Even worse was when, a few minutes into the "spooning practice," Marinette started to shift in his arms and call out, "Luka? Turn around."

Despite not knowing what she was up to, he let her go, rolling over in the extremely limited space of the chaise lounge to face the other way. Her arms came around him and squeezed him tight, her breath hot against the back of his neck.

"It's my turn," she said, as if that was an excuse. "How is it?"

Too much. "It's great."

"Great!" She giggled practically right next to his ear, which was a second blow to his heart.

He took a wary glance at the way back into the kitchen, listening closely for any sign that someone might be coming up. After confirming it was safe, he tried to look at her over his shoulder. "But..."

"'But?" she asked curiously.

He twisted around to turn towards her again, despite her whines of protests that it was still her turn. Rather than having her be the little spoon though, he embraced her as she was and pulled her in so their chests were pressing together. The blanket was starting to fall off due to all of the movement, so he took one hand off of her to fix it.

"I missed seeing your face," he admitted, combing through her hair with his freed hand; it was rare that he got to see her with her hair down and intended to take full advantage of the opportunity.

"Wha—ah—buh—?" she stammered, but nothing coherent came out and she opted to hide herself against him. He heard her mumble something that he was sure was "I'd miss yours too," but he smiled and let her think he hadn't heard it.

They couldn't grow up fast enough.

[smolbeanie1221]

This really kinda sums up how I felt when I figured out I’m aroace. Accepting that it was okay for me to be attracted to anyone, that took a while. And it was freeing to accept that about myself. And then realizing that just because I could be attracted to anyone and I was still a good person, I don’t actually have to be attracted to anyone. And I’m still a good person. And there’s a freedom in realizing both those things, of letting go of the heteronormative pressure of society, then letting go of the allonormative pressure of society. Realizing both those things about myself, I felt incredibly free. I can be attracted to anyone, but I don’t have to be attracted to anyone.

And now I’m in a relationship with someone I love and adore so much. Do I think she’s absolutely beautiful and attractive and wonderful and perfect and amazing and on and on? Absolutely. Am I attracted to her in any traditional ways, any allo ways, any easy-to-describe ways? Nope. But I’m very much in love with her. And realizing my freedom, not only in who I can love but how I can love? That’s something very important to me.

[ficandkaboodle]

Okay but after making my whole summary of Gonst character breakdowns, it’s got me wondering more than before: Would Copia have turned out any better if Sister had kept him and raised him herself?? (Warning: This post is long by way of me meandering)

I’m just talking rubber duck debugging-style here, I’m not expecting to or even necessarily hoping to come to any kind of fixed conclusion. But Cardi’s current tendencies are absolutely a product of how he grew up: He craves attention, he depends heavily on more decidedly childish activities and comforts, he is socially awkward as balls.

So obviously things would be different if he’d been brought up by Sister. But how different? And would that have been any better for Copia’s sense of self-worth or how he interacts with the world?

Personally, I think no. If anything, in a really sad and arguably disturbing way, how things turned out might’ve been the lesser of two evils. Still a fucked up evil, but the somewhat more survivable one.

In spite of everything she’s said and done, Sister Imperator did love Copia. She just expressed it in a way that wasn’t exactly conducive to his anxieties or just overall respect for him as an adult with needs, sensitivities, and the complexities that come with having the life he’d had. She loved him, but she loved him in a way that aligned with her mannerisms.

We don’t know Sister’s story. We likely never will, at least not in full. But it’s safe to assume that if Sister wasn’t born into the Church, she was definitely brought to it at a defining age and was either bred to or was deemed competent enough to lead it as Imperator. As a result, the Church and its goals became her mission. She might not have started it, but it was her first baby. The irony being that by dedicating herself as staunchly and one-track-minded as she did, she neglected to celebrate it as humanely as she could beyond perhaps just the lust-indulgence.

I will be the first to admit I know virtually nothing about Satanism. But…I dunno, most of the Emeriti (save Primo) seem to be on a similar page on how to interact with their faith: Secondo celebrates indulgence, Terzo embraces the importance of the self and being your own ruler while also being kind to others, and Copia would end rituals reminding people to do both. Sister stands out in that she’s more focused on all work, very little play. As a result, most of what we see of her comes off as very bureaucratic. Business-minded. She’s always thinking of how to keep the Church from fading into obscurity.

As a result of how many of her decisions seem to always have a thread tying back to the Church's well-being, I'd dare say this means more personal decisions tend to be a bit more . . . I wouldn't say "impulsive", but they certainly aren't running on all cylinders if you get what I'm saying.

At any rate, I wouldn't necessarily say the business-mindedness disrupts any maternal instinct in her per se. It could be. But honestly, I don’t think Sister is necessarily cut out for motherhood by nature. And that’s okay! Not every person is meant to be a parent, and AFAB women especially bear the brunt of criticism when they don’t display motherly affection or instinct. Even if she wanted to be more present, I don’t think her mindset would have allowed it to be as easy. And y’all, motherhood is hard enough on its own and under normal circumstances.

Bureaucracy suits Sister because she wants to be there.

What I find interesting is that Sister carried Copia and his twin to term when she didn't have to. So some part of her probably did want to have children. Or maybe she went into it recognizing the importance of having heirs: Legacy is a recurring theme in Ghost's characterization, even if some characters wind up misusing or misunderstanding it.

Ultimately, though, she gave them up and kept her distance except for in the one way she understood how to interact with people: Bureaucratically. And Copia responded to it well (probably because, I dunno, he didn't even know they were blood-related).

Regardless, I think that in a way, the fact this was met positively assured Sister that this was a proper way to go in a sense.

In a way, her giving Cardi the antipapacy is her trying to be a good mother and give him a gift. Yeah, it's a gift coming 50-something years late but the intention was there, I guess. However, it comes at the cost of having his brothers offed to assure no radicalism. Copia doesn’t seem to mind (or at least isn’t written to) but the fact still stands: That’s fucked up, Sister, you can’t go around killing your child’s half-brothers to get him the job.

So now this leads me back to the question I posited earlier: How would things have been different if Sister had decided to keep Copia? Well . . .

I think, had Sister raised Copia herself, Copia would've turned out . . . worse.

He would have likely been more “confident”, but it would’ve been horrifically twisted in and of itself. He’d grow up knowing he was part of the Imperator line (or simply known as Sister Imperator's son at the very least) and that would probably make him feel entitled. He’s essentially a little satanic prince, nobody can tell him no. Nobody who wants to live, anyway.

But he’d also be incredibly lonely. Like, more so than he already is. He may not have friends in the canon but he does have admirers who are drawn to him for his kindness and his willingness to be a bit of a goof. He'd probably be much more depressed than Canon Copia is implied to have familiarity with, and probably sucks even harder at dealing with it. He doesn't have anyone to confide in, and I think he'd never want anyone to know his vulnerabilities because he's the goddamn Imperator's son.

I think in the Copia Imperator timeline, he’d have “friends” but it’s mostly just for clout and/or fear. They're Yes Men he has orgies with essentially and carts around on the Ministry Black Card. He doesn’t have much appeal because he’s a manchild but in an extremely bratty way.

The charm we get from Canon Copia's childish tendencies are completely gone because Canon Copia's antics are the result of coping mechanisms mixed with a mother that coddles him because she doesn't trust him as an adult or see him as much beyond the baby she gave up. In the Copia Imperator timeline, he'd be enabled and probably not given very much reason to be a better person or mature.

Also, he’d probably be more down to kill. I know it's easy to assume this because bratty manchild with power frequently equals a lack of respect for life, but I also think him watching Mommy have people killed off for convenience would have put into his head that he can do the same. Only when Sister does it, it's for the "good" of the Church. If Copia does it, it's probably because he feels that person wronged him. Even if he still had some goofy traits, he’d be reluctant to display them and take anyone witnessing them as slights.

And given Sister’s penchant for putting work above all else, yeah, I think she’d hire nannies. Which wouldn’t likely be conducive to their relationship, so he becomes desperate for her attention and tries to be more like her. He still has Cardi’s mindset that if he does this thing right, he’ll be loved but I think in a weird way, he’d be more cutthroat about it. Probably because he witnessed his mother do the same up close (or as close as he can get from an emotionally and sometimes physically distant mother).

Which means there's probably a huge possibility that, in this timeline, he's more likely to be directly responsible for Papas 1-3s' deaths.

But I dunno, that's just my onion.

We don't know why Copia is as decent as he is, though. We can't say for sure if it's a nature vs nurture thing because as much as we can try and piece things together, we ultimately know nothing of his life growing up. We don't know if he'd been raised by or had a very kind adult in his life, or if he tried being mean and just frankly didn't like it. We don't know if anything from being raised as an orphan impacted his empathy or sympathy.

So obviously, this is all just what I puzzled together from traits of Sister's and how they might translate into motherhood as done by her, and what traits could therefore emerge in her child. How close to the mark I hit is subjective because that's fanon/speculation, baby.

(Though I think there's quite a few of you out there who would've probably loved to have seen Copia acting in this manner.)

Would Sister "raising" Copia have made for a more interesting storyline? Possibly. But as a person, Copia's probably better off this way. Which is depressing considering it's still left him spending most of his life not knowing who his parents were; likely developing a conviction that he's only as good as what he can succeed at; developing thanatophobia in connection to his need to be successful; and also having to recognize that his mother had his half-brothers killed off both to assure his ascendancy and to turn a profit.

Suffice it to say, no one is well. But at least he turned out cute, right?

TL;DR: Sister's focus on the Church and probable incompatibility with a particularly affectionate motherhood affects her relationship in the canon timeline. If she'd kept Copia, he might've turned out worse as a person -- and probably have left him to nannies anyway. This was probably the best possible outcome that could be made based on her poor communication and decision-making when it comes to things outside of her faith.

But that's just my opinion, I could very well be wrong lol

[protectorcraft]

important that you remember that mirabelle and siffrin both think the other person is one of the coolest people in the world. and don't seem to realize that the other feels that way. very important. remember this.

[hamletisintown]

Eros the god of Love.

Sly Eros is just as much of a warrior as his lover Hemera, albeit a more subtle one. He patrons the less overt kind of wars: the plotting, the scheming, and the revenge. The violence of the weak on the strong.

The wasp god is associated with love, deception, diplomacy, and more broadly, with anything related to feelings and interpersonal relationships. He acts as a counterpart to Hemera, his complimentary partner. He is the poison and the antidote, the knife and the heart into which it is plunged. People pray to him when they require strength and guidance in love, family matters, or revenge.

_______

(Wasps are some of my favourite bugs so i really wanted to make a good design for him, he deserves it.)

[carnivalcarriondiscarded]

ON THE TOPIC OF BARNABY. as well as his relationship with Wally.

So. To kick this off - Riv (@funonion) and I were Speculating, and they introduced me to the johari window:

They put Barnaby in the “facade” section, and I entirely agree. To quote them;

“So he’s Wally’s guide, right? He’s the “knowledgeable” one of the two and is always the one teaching him new things. And you know, it’s one thing if you’re just teaching him how to laugh or how to tell a joke. But.

Clown has given us two doors. One says that Barnaby understands Wally in a way the rest of the neighborhood doesn’t, and is willing to do his dirty work so to speak. The other says that their friendship was not a natural occurring thing and had to be enforced repeatedly within the show. HOW THAT’S BEING ENFORCED IS ANOTHER THING ENTIRELY but it is worth it to note.

What is Barnaby willing to keep? What is he willing to bury for his little buddy? I can’t say anything definitively yet, but the fact that I even have to ask is telling. The class clown archetype is usually used as a way to cover up for something else a character might be experiencing”

And my response, (I won’t directly quote because I have little things in the phrasing & elaboration to add / tweak );

Barnaby being a Comic Relief Character immediately raised so many alarms in my head. I love comic relief characters. They’re always so fucked up in one way or another, and Barnaby is almost certainly SO inauthentic. He’s wearing a comedy mask just as opaque as Wally’s own mask. In everything we’ve seen about him so far he’s either Teaching Wally, wisecracking/joking, or… pretty much nothing else. We got that moment of concern in audio 14-14, but that doesn’t reveal anything beyond genuine care for Wally.

Comedic characters have the best disguises. Their poker faces & ability to deflect is always top tier [and practiced], and just look at comedy-focused actors and entertainers - so many of them have severe issues, either with their mental health or life. From what i’ve observed both in that aspect & with fictional characters, they play it off & work hard to entertain/deflect [one in the same] right up until the end. Sometimes it’s a coping mechanism. Usually it’s both. If they laugh loud enough and make people think they’re lighthearted fools w/ nothing underneath, no one will look any deeper and thus they’re “safe”. 

& I’m a little suspicious that Barnaby’s red/orange/yellow spots aren’t naturally those colors. While yes, he could be (in-universe) designed that way to echo Ms. Beagle, there’s a strong possibility that that’s not it. What if he paints them to feel a connection to her, or it’s a physical manifestation of Barnaby covering up his insecurities/issues - what if it’s part of him striving to convince the world that he is what he paints himself as. 

The laidback funnyguy with a loving mom and not a problem in the world. 

And I mean, Barnaby claims to be a natural blue and I believe him! But the other colors? I’m doubtful

(I was going to include the Cast As Lil Kids Designs in this since Barnaby has all blue spots, but given how early in 2021 it was posted and how there seem to be little discrepancies from the ~official~ designs, I don’t want to provide it as evidence.)

& on the topic of Wally and Barnaby’s relationship being both real and not - disclaimer, this conversation happened before my Updated Thoughts On Them post, so there may be some minor rephrasing here from what I originally said - I’m sure that the relationship started out as inauthentic. Wally was assigned Barnaby as a best friend and technically vice versa, but I don’t doubt for a second that it became real to some extent. Clown wouldn’t treat their relationship outside of “canon” WH stuff the way that he does if they weren’t actually friends. They’ve said that Wally & Barnaby would be friends in every universe (which melts my heart <3 platonic soulmates my beloved <3), so then I have to agree with Riv. what WILL Barnaby do for Wally? I touched on this in the Milk Theory, but especially if Barnaby prides himself on “knowing Wally better than anything else”, what would Barn do to preserve that?

This relates to another conversation we had - Barnaby possibly having abandonment issues. It’s such a choice to have him of all characters be explicitly stated as an orphan. That and while every other Neighbor with a mentioned family have a somewhat large one (Howdy and his gajillion relatives, Julie and her three siblings, Poppy and her crowded tree [note: Eddie has a mentioned mother, but that info is tenuous and who knows if there are other Dears]), Barnaby has also explicitly stated that Ms. Beagle is his only family. That’s it. And farm life can’t be a sociable way to grow up, not with all the chores he must have had and how rural he might have grown up. Barnaby jokes that Home is the “Big Apple”, which could just be a joke - but jokes often come from a place of truth, and Home might be the most populated area Barnaby has lived in. Who’s to say!

Either way, Barnaby was orphaned one way or another, and I don’t doubt that it weighs on him. Especially if  his birth parents really did abandon him. That added to a possible life of loneliness… I wonder if he’s latched onto Wally emotionally, which would hit all the painful places if it turns out that my “Barnaby is more attached to Wally than Wally is to Barnaby” theory has merit. Abandonment issues could also strongly back the apparent walls he’s plastered over with circus tent fabric

Back to Barnaby & Wally: the fact that, at present, Barnaby and Wally seem to have the best disguises / strongest masks. That. looking at 14-14, i suspect that Barnaby is excellent at keeping his up, but as soon as Wally’s mask cracks, so does Barnaby’s. 

And then there’s the side of their dynamic that we could look at - it seems to be a very multifaceted relationship. The way that Barnaby genuinely cares yet in the 00 Halloween audio Wally was left off to the side and Barnaby was just “checking on him” while socializing (then again, this could be part of Barnaby understanding Wally & respecting his space / Wally wanting a break from that socialization). Barnaby is patient with Wally and yet he seems to sometimes treat Wally as his sidekick / let him fade into the background and yet Barnaby kept checking in on Wally during the 14 bug audios (this last one I could tie into the abandonment issues theory). 

Then there’s how Barnaby calls Wally kid & can tend to treat him like one despite both of them being in the same age group. The way that all of this could, in a way, relate to the infantilization of autistic people (no matter how well-meaning or unintentional) & internalized ableism. 

Note: Riv pointed out that Barnaby does seem to be doing the best with what he has, and that this can connect to the Johari Window’s blind spot / unknown. 

I do agree with this wholeheartedly! And I have to mention that - and making a Very educated guess here - the interactions we’ve seen take place in the very late 60s / very early 70s, so Barnaby’s behavior towards Wally is actually pretty fucking stellar given the time period. We can’t expect him to be perfect or do everything / say everything right. That would be boring I think! And one thing I deeply appreciate about the Neighbors & their dynamics is that they feel like real layered people, not cardboard cutouts being perfect caricatures of what people are “supposed” to be like.

Riv also presented this:

We likely are going to reach a point where Wally asks Barnaby something that he can’t / doesn’t want to / won’t answer. And like.. Ok. This is a slight tangent but I swear it’s related! When I first discovered WH and learned the Wally basics, I wondered two things.

Are we going to watch Wally “discover” new emotions? Because he certainly has them. Clown has said that Wally only ever feels happy, and a lot of people took that to mean that Wally can’t feel anything else. I don’t think we should take that answer at face value, because. I mean. Look at the project & creator we’re talking about. Layers, guys. Indirect direct answers. I think that Clown meant that Wally only ever feels happy in the Neighborhood because he has no reason to feel any negative emotion. Everything is as it should be. Until it isn’t - and I think that’s where he’s going to have to struggle with new emotions as he encounters them through new situations/events unfolding as the “story” starts to deteriorate. We’ve actually seen this a little bit - in Wally’s record audios (i believe the chronological second to last?), the way he says “Let Me In” so insistently. That’s definitely not a positive emotion being expressed. 

How will the topic of death be handled - because it will be handled, it’s stated in the project warnings. I was wondering this even before I read the list, because I was presented with a blank slate puppet character and so went “oh fuck, this dude doesn’t know about death, does he?” Obviously I wanted to know how that would go. I want to know how it Will go! 

How would Barnaby explain emotions that Wally doesn’t know how to convey? How would Barnaby explain death in a way that Wally would understand - given that Barnaby (& all the Neighbors sans Wally) knows what death is  - and would Barnaby be willing to explain such a thing? I have a feeling we may find out.

And in a way, I suspect that if none of them know, Wally will find out himself and have to process it without help. But then again, how can something die if it was never really alive in the first place? Unless the death warning relates to human characters… I’m currently assuming it relates to both humans and puppets. 

In conclusion: Barnaby has a carefully fabricated facade, he's doing the best with what he has but it likely won't be enough, and uh. shits fucked!

[kh358days2]

ace attorney posting is making me think about nick and maya ouguhghgngng my number one dynamic duo since I was a kid... they have that kind of deep love that transcends all labels. "relationship so close it blurs the line between romantic and platonic" kind of bond. arhgngnghghnnbg

[donnatroyyyy]

When Mitski wrote “I will wash your hair at night/ And dry it off with care/ I will see your body bare/ And still I will live here” do you think she’d been thinking about Donna and Dick while writing it?

[binders-and-beanies]

Pondering bottom surgery in the tags I mf guess

[elenadoeslife]

your first love hits different

[zemnarihah]

btw i think i may be attempting to enter into a long distance relationship w erik.

[oatmealaddiction]

Okay but the weirdest thing about the whole "Brotherhood is better you should skip 03" discourse that's become commonplace now, it sort of forgets the world Brotherhood came out in and why you should watch the original Fullmetal Alchemist. When Brotherhood came out, the original Fullmetal Alchemist was one of the most beloved and most watched animes of all time. Brotherhood assumes you the audience have already seen it because of course you have, everyone has seen it, so it skips important information and speeds the story up because it doesn't want to bore you with things you already know. Have you ever wondered "hey why does the first episode of Brotherhood kind of suck, and why am I being introduced to like 50 new characters, and why are they acting like I know what the hell an alchemist is?" It's because Brotherhood thinks you've seen 03.

The first 7 or so episodes of Brotherhood constitute dozens of chapters in the manga, and the first 25 or so episodes of the original Fullmetal Alchemist. The Nina Tucker episode in Brotherhood, in FMA 03 takes up nearly three episodes. Yoki gets a backstory in 03 and it's genuinely one of the best episodes and taken directly from the manga and Brotherhood glosses over it because: duh, you've already seen it. And so if you skip the original you miss out on dozens of really great character building episodes like Ed and Al meeting Hughes for the first time and getting to spend a whole episode helping him free a train from terrorists, or Ed and Roy having a duel that expands on the relationship they have, or episodes where the brothers just help out random people in towns before the major story gets going.

The original also paces itself quite a bit better than Brotherhood and is more in line with the mangas storytelling. In the manga we don't find out about The Gate until nearly two dozen chapters in, and the same goes for the original anime. Like, that's a twist reveal in those stories, and it's weird that the most watched series is the one where they tell you all about The Gate in the first two episodes because they assume you've already seen the original show.

What's more, people don't know that Hiromu Arakawa helped write for the anime while she was still in the middle of writing the manga, and as a result was inspired to write scenes in Brotherhood that the anime did first. That scene of Edward getting impaled by a falling beam? Directly inspired by a similar scene in the original anime. There's a lot of little instances of that and they're great when you can recognize parallels and things in Brotherhood that are direct references to the original anime, but people don't notice any of that anymore. Because the original anime is just an automatic skip these days, and it's a bummer because people don't realize what a giant it was back before Brotherhood was released. They treat it as *bad,* not realizing it was one of the most beloved anime of its time and the problems people take issue with have a lot more to do with personal taste than any kind of actual flaw in the writing. Brotherhood was never meant to dethrone it, and the original anime was always supposed to be part of the viewing experience which is why those first few episodes of Brotherhood are so fast paced. So like, please stop telling people Fullmetal Alchemist 2003 is a skip, or it's bad, or you don't need it because Brotherhood is better. Regardless if you think Brotherhood is better or not, the original wrote Brotherhood's check. It was huge, it was beloved, and Brotherhood is *banking* on the knowledge you've seen all of it and loved it. And trust me when I say there is so much to love about the original series. It's still my favorite branch of the FMA franchise, and it's worth your time, I promise you.

[musical-chick-13]

I know the point of "Don't have your characters use therapy-speak" is "Don't put dialogue in your story that makes things seem stilted/breaks immersion for the purpose of proving that This Isn't Actually An Unhealthy Situation, I Promise Guys," but nonetheless it is starting to give me a complex over writing these characters like. Communicating. Just at all.