#is it a sign i spend too much time with internet friends and not enough irl? maybe but toast isn't limited to internet people

[instantpansies]

it's weird - i really do feel like toast is becoming my name???

like, i've talked before plenty of times about how strange it feels to have a name at all. how i don't address myself with a name internally, how i dislike being perceived with any of the names i use irl, how i don't find the "true name" tropes meaningful or the "name reveal" twists romantic.

maybe it's that i've become more open about it. i've actually expressed to people irl my frustrations at not feeling like i have a name that feels natural. how i can't relate to people choosing names that mean something or that feel Right or significant or like they're coming into their true identity. i've been honest about those feelings and told people i'm annoyed at the fact that everyone has to have a name. plus i'm annoyed that where i am now (have to introduce myself to people all the time), everyone wants to know what my Real Name is - what i Really Want to be called and what i Actually Prefer and i have to tell them "well i'd prefer if you just pick something, but it doesn't matter what".

maybe it's that i've started to lean into the "toast" character more - especially that i've owned the name online. i've been much more active on discord, where connection feels much more immediate and in some ways more personal, and the people i've been working with (who have become my friends!) call me toast. they also call me perry and pansy and garlic bread, which i appreciate, but the first name they often think of is toast.

i've heard that name said out loud. i've had people talk about me and refer to me in the third person (also applies to pronouns :) i've heard all of them from people talking about me in chat!! and that's a whole other feeling. knowing people are thinking of you and you've made some small impact on their daily lives. but i digress). and they call me toast

it's gotten to the point where i'll see the word "toast" in passing and go "???? is me ???". my irls and family i haven't seen in a while say the word and i wonder not only if they've found my tumblr, but if they know Me. it feels more natural than anything else ever has, i think. maybe it's because im leaning into it with people i care about. maybe i'm self-flanderizing. maybe i've found a name i could stand to be called.

this doesn't mean that's the only one, by the way. i still don't feel a strong connection to a name as an Extension Of Myself or Reflection Of My Soul. but i don't hate it. i can write it down without feeling this empty sort of dysmorphic alienness. my heart does in fact lunge toward it when i see it out and about.

i think that counts for something.

[pinkangelcafe]

SECRET CRUSH ➡ Toge Inumaki

❣︎ Synopsis ⸝⸝ After getting to know everyone at Jujutsu High you find yourself having a unique bond with everyone. Your presence is more than enough to make them feel at home around you. They all think of you as a best friend except Inumaki who likes you more than just a friend. He's always finding ways to spend more time with you every chance he gets. It's gotten to a point where even you started to see the obvious signs, yet you're not the only one. So an advised plan for getting you two together has to be done and what's a better setting than the aquarium?

❣︎ Word Count ⸝⸝ 𝟒,��𝟎𝟐

"Alright, that's all for today!" Maki announced after she beat you in a fighting game. At first, it was going to be a tie of three to three until the green-haired girl unexpectedly kicked you to the ground.

"That wasn't a fair game!" You huffed, earning a laugh of victory from the girl.

"Wanna go again?" Maki bent down to your level to challenge you once again with a smirk plastered on her face. "No, I'm too tired." You flat out say before looking at the dorm entrance.

"I'll race you, though." You soon got up to offer her a chance to play an innocent racing game.

"Game on!" She ran off, already giving herself a head start.

"Tuh, I'm just giving you a head start!" You say in a cocky tone before pushing your legs to speed up to her. Luckily, you were the fastest runner in high school, including being on a track team. This 'innocent' game was nothing you couldn't beat.

Maki turned her head in shock, already seeing you side by side. You then looked at her before winking, pushing yourself further to the entrance. And without any time to spare, you were already inside the dorms. Sitting on the stairs to catch your breath, the girl you were racing against came through the door with her arms crossed.

"Ha! I win!" You brag as she walks up the stairs with you now following behind her.

"Whatever. Now we're even!" Maki uttered as you both made it to the common room to find Panda and Inumaki sitting on the couch.

"Inumaki. Panda." You called them to get their attention.

"Hey! Maki and (Y/N)!" Panda got up to greet you with a hug except for Maki since she didn't like it.

Being accepted at Tokyo Jujutsu High, you embraced the personalities you've met and created a friendly bond with Panda, Maki, and the rest of the various people here. Yet the stability and lasting connection you shared with Inumaki was blossoming in a way that felt distinctly different. The way he would lean in closer when you spoke and how his soft purple eyes sparkled when he found you laughing made it obvious enough.

Not to mention, the guy always had something for you both to do whenever you were bored. He didn't make it difficult to show how much he had a crush on you.

"Kelp!" Inumaki says as you make your way to him, sitting down on the edge of the couch with him.

"So how've you been doin'?" You ask, trying to spark up a small conversation with the guy even though he could only talk in riceball ingredients.

He then looked to the side, trying to find the right ingredient to say so he could answer your question. Noticing this, you quickly remembered his words were limited, "Sorry! I forgot you can't say much." You apologized before he pulled out his phone while moving his fingers as if he was texting.

"Tuna Tuna." He put his phone in your hand to show you a message he typed in his notes app.

I'm doing good, me and Panda were watching funny videos while talking about how much money people make by doing dumb shit on the internet.

How are you? :)

You read the message, thinking about what to say next, "Good, me and Maki were just playing a game not too long ago, and I lost. Maybe if she didn't drop kick me outta nowhere, I would've won." You let out a small laugh as you gave him back his phone.

"But at least I won the race." You added, already seeing his eyes soften at the sight of you.

It was unmistakable. Inumaki liked you more than just as a friend, and the rest of the group could see it, too. Maybe if he wasn't shy about admitting his feelings, you both would've been together.

As you all lounged in the common room, Maki glanced over at you and Inumaki, who were sitting together, sharing snacks. An idea sparked in her mind as she tapped Panda's shoulder, "Hey Panda, we need more snacks. Come with me to the snack bar."

"Huh? But you don't need—" Panda got cut off by Maki glaring at him coldly before he coughed, "I–I mean yeah! Of course!" The Panda got up to follow behind Maki, who was already leaving.

"What's this about?" Panda curiously asked as they walked to the cafeteria.

She suddenly stopped once they were in the clear, turning to face Panda. A sly grin spread across her face, lowkey scaring the animal, "We need to get them together. It’s obvious they got a thing for each other."

Panda chuckled, nodding thoughtfully. "I know a place! How about the aquarium? It’s a chill setting, and it’ll give them plenty of time to be alone together."

Maki, ever the strategist, clapped her hands together. "Perfect! Let’s make a plan. We’ll invite everyone, but make sure to set up a moment for just the two of them."

"Alright, the mission to bring (You + Inumaki Ship Name) together is a go!" Panda put a thumbs up, which made Maki look at him sideways.

"How long have you been thinking of their ship name?" The girl wondered, assuming he had made it up just now.

"It's been a few months. Ever since (Y/N) came, I had a feeling Inumaki would like her more than just a friend." He truthfully answered before looking over her shoulder to see Megumi, Yuji, and Nobara walking down the hall.

"Why don't we ask them to help too?" Panda asked, pointing at the three.

Maki turned her head, which made her get an even better idea, "Hey! You three, come here!" She exclaimed, getting their attention.

"Hey! Panda and Maki!" Yuji greeted the two as they were now huddled in a circle.

"Yall want in on the plan to get (You + Inumaki Ship Name) together?" Panda asked as the three exchanged confused looks. "Who?" Nobara broke the silence.

"That's (Y/N) and Inumaki Ship Name he thought of for a few months," Maki announced, making the three dumbfounded.

"THEY'RE TOGETHER?!" Itadori and Nobara yelled in unison as they were stunned the two had been dating for this long without telling anyone.

"No idiots, we're trying to get them together, and Panda's idea was to do it at the aquarium." The green-haired girl sighed at the two, which made them lock-in.

"Oh! How I love playing Cupid!" Nobara put her hands together beside her face as she looked up. Her eyes sparkled in the dramatic pose, making the black-haired guy roll his eyes at the fact he was getting dragged along in their shenanigans.

"Do I have a choice?" He asked, knowing the answer to that question since he knew his classmates very well.

"No!" They all say in sync. All the poor guy could do was look to the side, letting out a long sigh in defeat.

"Now! It's time to make the plan!" Maki announced as everyone mutually thought out a great plan that would surely work.

────๑✿๑────

𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐏𝐋𝐀𝐍

────๑✿๑────

"(Y/N) and Inumaki!" Panda and Maki came in, gaining you two attention.

"Pickled mustard leaf?" Inumaki said with a concerned expression, making Panda step back a bit. "No, no. It's nothing to be worried about! We just thought about how everyone should get together at the aquarium!"

Hearing this struck your curiosity, thinking about how fun It'd be to see different fish and creatures of that nature. "Ooh, I want to see the jellyfish they have there." You agreed with a smile that showed your pearly whites.

"Inumaki?" Maki turned to the silver-haired guy who stared at you, taking him out of the trance he was in. "Salmon!" He announced in agreement as well.

"We'll meet up on Saturday at 3 pm sharp! We're gonna have a long day, so I expect you all to get all the rest you need." Maki ordered as you got up, seeing the sun setting.

"Alright everyone, Imma go to my dorm. Goodnight." You shared as they said their goodnights back.

Going inside your dorm room, you took a shower and did your nightly routine before putting on your fox onesie. You admit it was childish putting on a onesie before bed, but it looked so cute. Maki and Nobara were matching with you as well (Maki had a wolf and Nobara had a cat).

You plop down onto your bed, watching the funny videos Inumaki recommended while your two friends are out. You couldn't lie that some of the clips were funny and made you laugh. Inumaki did have quite a sense of humor, after all.

A few more minutes later, you dozed off to sleep from watching a video of a cat attacking its owner for pulling its tail.

────────‧₊˚ ⋅ 𓐐𓎩 ‧₊˚ ⋅────────

As the day of the aquarium outing approached, Maki had already texted the location in the group chat everyone was in. Strolling through your phone as the assistant manager, Ijichi drives to your destination. You see that Inumaki texted you last night, sending you a message that told you how much he looked forward to this day.

Inumaki 🍙

Hey, (Y/N)

I can't wait to see you tomorrow! :)

Hey, I can't wait to see you too!

I'm almost there

Seen

You replied to his message as you started to ponder your feelings for him while happily rereading his texts. You felt the fluttering sensation in your gut that arose through your chest when you talked to him. While trying to go through these emotions, the car had come to a complete stop.

"We're here (Y/N)," Ijichi spoke, making you open the door before exiting the car. "Thank you so much." You closed the door behind you.

"It's no problem, just have fun!" He acknowledged your gratitude as you walked towards the group of seven standing in front of the Maxell Aqua Park Shinagawa.

The building was huge and the exterior looked bland. At least the sign had a bit of color to it. Making it to the group, you grabbed Inumaki’s attention, "Kelp!" He welcomed you as the rest focused their attention on you.

"Hey, everyone!" You greeted everyone with a hug, including Todo, who had tagged along. "Yall ready to have some fun?" Panda enthusiastically said, which made everyone agree with him.

"Alright, everyone! We're going to split up into groups of two. When I call your name I'll tell you who you're paired with." Maki announced before calling out names.

"Todo and Itadori."

"Megumi and Panda."

"Me and Nobara."

"Lastly, (Y/N) and Inumaki." Maki told you who your partner was. Hearing this made your face unconsciously heat up from the thought of being alone in this romantic setting.

"Now that's that done, let's go in, shall we?" A sense of wonder washed over us as we entered. After Maki conversed with the lady at the information counter, we finally went through the entrance gate.

Our eyes widen, hearing other people's laughter echoing off the carpeted floors. The aquatic world was mesmerizing, with vibrant fish darting around coral reefs, enchanting murals, and stunning displays housing creatures of every shape and color.

"SO MESMERIZING!!" Itadori and your eyes glistened with joy as your hands clasped together excitedly like kids in a chocolate factory for the first time.

This action didn't go unnoticed by Inumaki, who watched how happy you were with a light smile across his face. He knew you had only seen Yuji as a 'mini you', thus, he wasn't worried about the physical contact.

"Hmm... Let me see where we should meet up..." Maki read the map before pointing at the Coral Cafe Bar on the floor y'all were at, "We'll regroup here at 9:30 so we can at least have something to eat before we leave." She added, handing each of us a map.

───────๑✿๑───────

𝐄𝐗𝐄𝐂𝐔𝐓𝚰𝐎𝐍 𝐓𝚰𝐌𝐄

───────๑✿๑───────

As everyone split off to explore, you couldn't contain your excitement. You abruptly grabbed Inumaki's hand, leading him to the Magical Ground that was on the map. This part of the aquarium had exhibitions and attractions that incorporated digital art.

Still holding on to his hand, you first went to an atrium-like area with a stylishly arranged aquarium and artwork. Looking around the spellbinding scenery, you both were astonished at the sight. The beautiful paintings on top of the mini white walls had nice-sized aquariums squished in the middle. Each colored fish matched its designated painting color in an organized manner.

Thankfully, you brought your camera for this occasion, taking pictures of every scene. When you both were done you went to the attraction area where there were two models, the Merry-go-round 'Dolphin Party' wrapped in LED light and music on a wall and the 'Port of Pirates' where you could experience the weightless world on a huge pirate ship.

"Which one do you wanna get on?" You asked Inumaki, who couldn't help but stare at you, feeling the warmth of your hand attached to his. It took you a minute to realize what your hand was holding onto the whole time as well.

"My bad! I forgot to let go of your hand when I dragged you here!" You gasped out of nervousness as you loosened your grip on his hand. This is the second time you've felt the butterflies dance throughout your stomach but in a good way.

Attempting to ignore these feelings once more, you change the subject, "Where do you wanna go?" You ask again, hoping for an answer.

Toge examined the area before pointing at both places, "You want to get on both?" You lift one eyebrow. "Salmon!" He confirmed.

"Let's get on the Merry-go-round first!" You swiftly moved to the large revolving machine with model sea animals for kids and adults. You and Inumaki stood in line for about thirty minutes until it was your turn to get on.

You got on the large sea horse while Inumaki was on a shark beside you. The instructor gave out the information about this ride before turning it on. The machine spun around at its proper pace, which allowed you to let go of the pole.

The act scared Toge when he looked over, assuming you were going to fall off. Instead, you were having the best time of your life. "This is so much fun!" You exclaimed to the boy who just smiled while shaking his head in return.

You were always an enjoyable soul to be around. That's why he liked you. In your words 'You only live once so make the most of it'. You stuck by that rule every chance you got. In his eyes, you weren't wrong because life was short. And if his life was short, then he'd rather spend every moment of those days with you.

You're inviting energy, carefree spirit, and raspy voice were everything he loved about you. There wasn't a single flaw or perfection in you that he didn't like regarding your character. You also knew the time and place to have fun or relax, so he didn't mind your vibrant attitude.

"You wanna see something cool?" You put your hand back on the pole before anyone caught you. Hesitant at first, he replied, "Salmon." Agreeing to your offer.

When he saw the thing you wanted to show him, he wished he hadn't agreed because you were standing on the moving seahorse with one hand still on the pole. "Bonito flakes! Fish flakes!" He gasped, now perceiving you were going to hurt yourself.

After noticing you were giving the guy grey hairs, you stopped joking around. Sitting back down properly, you try to reassure him, "I'm okay, Inumaki. There's nothing to worry about." You calmly say as your eyes soften at the sight of the silver-haired male beside you.

"Not... Again." He whispered loud enough for you to hear. This made your heart drop a bit, knowing you went overboard.

"My fault..." Your tone saddened as the wheel stopped rotating. You get off to go to the pirate ship with Inumaki sensing your low vibrations. You suddenly caught a glimpse of him eyeing you, which made you smile at him, trying to make it discreet that you were disappointed in your actions.

Unfortunately, he knew you well enough to see right through the facade. He pulled out his phone before typing some things down on his notes app. Giving you the phone, you read the message.

It's okay, you scared me cause I thought you were going to hurt yourself. Seeing that you knew what you were doing reassured me.

Just give me a heads-up when you're about to do something crazy again :,)

"Fine, I swear I'll tell you when I'm about to do something crazy again!" You promised him as it was you both turn to get on the ride.

There wasn't any doubt that Inumaki and you had a great time together. After getting on the pirate ship, you both explored more of the aquarium, going to the second floor where there were more exhibits to see.

Inumaki decided to look through each one in order, going to the Little Paradise first, where you both saw spectacularly colored tropical fish and tanks with regularly changing themes. This one was by far your favorite, even though Inumaki was biased about it.

Then, y'all went through the Wonder Tube, which was a 20m undersea tunnel where you could see rare sawfish and manta rays swim gracefully around. Inumaki had also told you his favorite sea animals were sharks and manta rays. He soon started telling you fun facts about them that you found cute.

The end of the Wonder Tube is connected to the Life Museum. An exhibition featuring a variety of art-like specimens that fascinate you two to the point you read each fact about every creature on their informational plaques near the tank. Some of these fish were well-known to you, which made you show off how much you knew.

Next up was the Aqua Jungle. The area had a condensed version of the world's jungles where you had encountered freshwater fish, reptiles, and capybaras. The newborn reptiles were too cute not to take pictures of. Not to mention how Inumaki looked at each one in awe, you took the opportunity to secretly snap a photo of him.

At Wild Street, there were otters, penguins, seals, and other animals you couldn't dare to take your eyes off of. You even had a staring contest with one of the seals, who then put his flipper on the glass at you. Seeing this made you blink, wanting to give the animal an easy win.

You both walked outside to Friendly Square, where you and Inumaki sat down on a bench to enjoy the close-up mini-performances by various creatures. Inumaki secretly took a video of your reaction to the dolphin going through each of the different hoops. He accidentally pressed a button on his phone to turn his camera towards himself. Unsurprisingly, he was righteously looking at you as if you were eye candy—in this moment you were.

Finally, you both went back to the first floor to go to the Jellyfish Ramble. You both decided to go there last since you were in love with jellyfish and wanted to save the best for last. Going through the dark tube, you were completely hypnotized by the mystical area that featured floating jellyfish accompanied

by different sounds and lights for each one.

"Heavenly isn't even the word to describe how this all looks..." You breathtakingly say as you venture through the jellyfish cases.

"Salmon..." Toge agreed since he was taken aback by this view as well.

When you and Inumaki walked further, he glanced over, and with that small smile of his, he said, "Salted salmon cod roe!" The guy pointed excitedly at the massive tank holding an ethereal jellyfish that pulsed and glowed like otherworldly beings.

"That jellyfish reminds me of you." You stated, making him tilt his head in confusion before pointing at himself.

You couldn’t help but marvel at how beautiful the scene was, but even more beautiful was the guy beside you, "Yes you. It's cause you look ethereal!" You bluntly complimented him.

This comment put a light blush across his face. He was more than happy to receive such a remark from you. It made his heart flutter with satisfaction.

His silver hair caught the light as he finally turned to you. He reached into his pocket, pulling out a charm—a black and purple glass beaded bracelet with four jellyfish pendants made from a luminescent metal. On the back of each jellyfish had a letter with each letter spelling out 'TOGE', "For you..." He murmured, his voice soft but steady.

The wonder of how he managed to slip away from you to get this didn't cross your mind. Instead, you felt a distinctive sensation fill your entire being. That feeling was love.

Lord knows how much you wanted to accept his gift, but it was your fear that pushed you back—the fear of loving someone to get your heart broken again.

Being attached to someone romantically was always something you couldn't shake off even after trying to see Inumaki as just a friend ever since you came here. You desperately tried, but it was as if those hidden emotions always made their way to the surface.

What made it worse was everything Inumaki did was clear to you. You could read people like a book, even when they made it crystal clear they were in love with you. Yet you decided to deny him. You turned down his feelings because you weren't ready for a relationship.

Ever since you broke up with your boyfriend you had a strong bond with, a relationship never crossed your mind. But Inumaki always found a way to put you back into that state of mind—where you felt like your relationship would work. You didn't want to listen to your heart—thinking it might deceive you again.

Except looking at the male in front of you, Inumaki's eyes were filled with a passion—a genuine passion you've never met someone who loved you before. If you listen to your heart and take this charm, then there's no going back.

Without any more thinking, you willingly took the bracelet, slipping it through your hand to sit it on your wrist. It was a perfect fit, and it wasn't uncomfortable. You decided to listen to your heart, telling you that he was the one.

Before Inumaki could type anything, you impulsively wrapped your arms around him, pulling him into a hug. Since he was a little taller than you, it didn't take him much to hug you back while he rested his chin on your head. You could hear his heart beat fast as your ear laid against his chest.

"Thank you. It looks so beautiful." You complimented the charm as you lifted your wrist to stare at it. "I—... You're...welcome..." He firmly said, except it was as if it was not exactly what he wanted to tell you.

Soaking in this moment, you both picked up where you left off, walking through more bedazzled jellyfish.

"Tuna Tuna." Inuamki gave you his device to see his notes app.

It's almost 9:30

Do you want to go somewhere else before we leave for the bar?

Reading this put an idea in your mind, you remembered there was a photo service by the Dolphin Party. "Let's go to the photo booth." You directed, leading him back to Magical Ground.

Arriving at the photo booth, you both sat down on the long chair while the guy in front took the pictures. "How many are you both doing? It can only take up to five." The photographer announced.

"Three?" You looked at Inumaki for an answer, "Bonito flakes." He shook his head in disagreement, wanting to use all five pictures.

"Alright, We'll do 5!" You exclaimed to the man before he got his camera ready to take the photos.

For two of them, you both did regular poses to get comfortable. Another one was funny faces. You had your lips pouting out as you winked at the camera, trying to do the kissy face emoji (😘). Toge looked at you, impersonating the confused emoji (🤨).

Looking at Inumaki's impersonation, it was so on point that you laughed, making him laugh. The photographer took another picture even though you weren't ready yet. This was the last photo, and you decided to tease him.

"Ready! 3...2..." The photographer counted down, giving you the chance to quickly kiss the boy's cheek. While he was stunned, you brightly smiled, putting up the peach sign from both of your hands.

"That's all! Your last photo will be printed shortly." The photographer smiled at you both as you got up to see the photos that were printed out of the camera. Each photo came out to your liking since they were individual pictures.

"Here you go! Thank you for coming!" The male gave you the last photo, and this one was by far the best. It showed Inumaki's blushed face as he was looking at you with a shocked expression.

Inumaki soon got up to see each photo, "Tuna mayo." He wanted you to talk, wondering about that kiss on the cheek.

"I thought it would be funny!~" You teased, with a light blush on your face as well. Inumaki playfully rolled his eyes before checking the time on his phone.

"Tuna Tuna." He showed you the time that read 9:35, indicating you both were late for meeting up with the rest.

"Oh, let's go!" You voiced, leaving the photo booth with Inumaki by your side.

Strolling to the Coral Cafe Bar, you observed the rest of your friends who sat down at the tables together. "You both are late," Maki told you two as you sat down at the table.

"(Y/N)! Tell Todo that an octopus has two hearts!" Yuji shouted, arguing with Todo about octopuses.

"They only have one! Where did the other one come from?!" Aoi retorts to Yuji asking for help.

"Actually, they have three." You tell them earning a dumbfounded look from them both. "We already ordered some food, so it should be here in a few." Panda chuckled as Itadori and Todo continued to argue like little brothers.

"Thank God 'cause all that walking made me hungry!" You laughed as you felt a hand hold onto yours under the table.

Looking down, you see Inumaki's hand caught in yours. Feeling your cheeks warm up, you accepted the small gesture intertwining your hands with his.

────────๑✿๑────────

𝐌𝐈𝐒𝐒𝐈𝐎𝐍 𝐂𝐎𝐌𝐏𝐋𝐄𝐓𝐄

────────๑✿๑────────

The day drew to a close, and you all staggered out of the aquarium, laughing while talking about each other's experiences. Inumaki walked beside you, stealing sly glances when he thought you weren’t looking. Ichiji came back to pick everyone up to drop everyone off. Since Todo came from Kyoto, we were dropped off first.

As everyone made their way to their assigned dorms, Inumaki walked with you to your room since he was beside yours. He tapped your shoulder to give you his phone before you could go inside your dorm.

I enjoyed every moment I shared with you, and to be honest, I didn't want it to end, so I was wondering if you'd like to go out again sometime, but only us?

"You did show me a very good time, so of course I'll go out with you." You accept his request to go out with him.

"Goodnight, Inumaki." You say your goodbyes, receiving a small kiss on your cheek in response. "Goodnight..." He whispered. You held onto your cheek while a cheesy smile crept onto your face before closing the door.

Getting ready for bed, Inumaki never left your mind. You happily went to bed, recollecting how he managed to steal your heart.

[saintzweig]

are we gonna be getting pro-tennis player patrick zweig x younger socialite girlfriend headcanons

-bambi

ask and you shall receive my favorite oomf girliism 🫶 this is more on fluff n just some background :)

ꢾ꣒ the two of you met through your father, once a professional tennis player who now spends his time doing charities and building foundations.

ꢾ꣒ you usually help your father handle the affairs, co-directing charities events, galas and dinners.

ꢾ꣒ patrick was reluctant to go the first time he was invited but tashi and art convinced him it would be good for his image, to save his career from reputation as a manwhore and his sloppy techniques.

ꢾ꣒ got bored not even five minutes in and tried to flirt with you to get you to come with him to the bathroom.

ꢾ꣒ you only smiled as you introduced him to your father, who he realized was the man he idolized when he was a kid.

ꢾ꣒ attended every event he got invited to in hopes of seeing you again.

ꢾ꣒ and when he does see you, he's following you around the venue like a lost puppy. he only shrugs and says you're the only person he knows

ꢾ꣒ you finally had enough and drag him to a janitor's closet far away from the room.

ꢾ꣒ i'd say two years since then, you move in together almost immediately, in an apartment gifted by your father.

ꢾ꣒ very secure couple, you know how attractive the other one is so it doesn't really bother you when people try to flirt, if anything it only inflates your ego.

ꢾ꣒ not when they cross the line obviously. even though he trusts you, he still gets protective every now and then. when he sees you looking uncomfortable, he doesn't waste a second and immediately comes to take you away. not without showing off to the person trying to flirt with you of course.

ꢾ꣒ hands you his credit card whenever you say you need new clothes or accessories, even though you can afford it.

ꢾ꣒ his personal driver is also yours, he makes sure to make them sign non-disclosure agreements because some wild shit happens in the backseat.

ꢾ꣒ you have his initials embroidered on your clothes because he once mentioned that he likes the idea of marking you

ꢾ꣒ lets you drag him to countless galas and dinners, even though it's not really his thing

ꢾ꣒ to make up for it, you let him drag you to his morning trainings and sometimes lunches with tashi and art

ꢾ꣒ he's also a fan favorite in your friend group, you brought him to a girl brunch once and everyone loved him. i think he'd be so good at spilling and receiving tea

ꢾ꣒ always on the front row during his games, wearing his favorite colors

ꢾ꣒ it's impossible for him to lose now that he has you, you bring him so much confidence but also he just really wants to prove himself to you.

ꢾ꣒ talks about you a lot during interviews even when the question has nothing to do with you or your relationship. also his lock screen is always a photo of you, a selfie or a professional photo taken during fashion week.

ꢾ꣒ makes a game out of guessing the color of your underwear

ꢾ꣒ he'd be the type to rip them and assure you he'd buy you new ones. so that's where his money is going

ꢾ꣒ inappropriate touches under the table is definitely one of his hobbies, as well as sneaking into bathrooms during events

ꢾ꣒ also car sex ... very often ... he loves seeing you all disheveled as you lay on the seat beneath him. all sweaty with your mascara and lipstick smudged on your face. your lace panties hanging off your foot.

ꢾ꣒ when he retires, that's when you two finally settle down completely. moving out of your apartment into a proper house, with the goal of filling it with kids.

ꢾ꣒ the two of you build a tennis academy where he teaches and mentors younger aspiring tennis players

ꢾ꣒ also the wedding was big, i'm talking the best venues and decorations. over a hundred guests due to your connections and standing, it was all over the internet too. most fashionable new york socialite and grand slam winner ties the knot.

ꢾ꣒ three kids, two boys and one girl. his favorite one is definitely his little girl.

ꢾ꣒ he's definitely come a long way and he has you to thank for that.

[sinsdaycorp]

Enid never attended nevermore bc her parents were ashamed that she’d never turned. Enid had been showing ‘normie’ traits all her life and her parents kept her hidden, homeschooled her, lied and said that she was adopted and they found her all alone. Enid, being the youngest and the only siblings were boys, believed them when they said they desperately tried for a girl and were “so happy” when they found her that they just kept her. Enid wanted to believe that, but they were so mean- well, she didn’t actually know any different kind of “love” than what they showed her.

So, Wednesday was always in Nevermore, her powers did start showing a lot earlier, and Morticia and Gomez decided to keep her in Larissa’s schooling system. Besides, Aunt Weems was and always will be Wednesdays fave.

Somehow, it comes around that there’s a high school reunion and Wednesday is forced to attend. But, it’s a fake dating thing too. She hires Enid online, pugsley helps her, of course. A fake date to Jericho. A high school reunion.

Enid, never having much luck in the money line, having been so sheltered and “protected” only sought jobs in the outcast line because she was sick of hearing normies gossip about them and snicker and be downright racist to them.

She followed her brothers to Jericho for schooling, but staying homeschooled. Her parents thought that if she ever one day started developing signs of wolf-like behaviour, they’d tell her the truth. That she wasn’t adopted and she was their kid.

So, Enid stuck around Jericho, because although racist towards outcasts, Enid had made some friends with kids from her brothers’ school, Nevermore Academy.

She did work Weathervane Cafe for a while, worked as a sales attendant at the place she liked to spend all her earnings on, and, on the side, sold her services on the internet. NOT IN A CREEPY WAY! She offered advice, for a small fee- girl gotta get cash! She offered a fake date to get parents or other people off your backs for a night, and a decent sum. Lying made her feel yucky inside.

…

Fake date, Wednesday hires Enid for the reunion, and because none of Enid’s brothers were in Wednesday’s year after she did some quick math to make sure she’d know no one before agreeing, Enid was suddenly being met with a woman dressed in all black and a folder being handed to her.

“Wednesday?” Enid asked hesitantly.

The woman nodded. “I assumed you were Enid after my brother described you as “exact opposite and best for the ruse”. He was right. You’ll do nicely.”

“What’s this?” Enid asked, looking at the folder and flipping it open, her eyes widening. “F-Fifty Thousand?” She squeaked.

“I apologise, I would prefer to pay you a decent fee, your sight seemed too low a price for my askance, consider this a persuasion fee after you’ve read the list of, I suppose you could call them demands. And then, if you decide not to go along with this, I’ll pay you fifty for your time I’ve wasted already. And if you decide you’d like to help me this coming weekend, but the fifty is not enough, I’ll be happy to meet whatever your fee. You have until Thursday, at noon, to let the number on the top of the page know. A simple yes or no is all you need to write.”

Enid watched at the woman dropped a twenty on the table beside her untouched coffee and left the cafe.

Enid stared at the folder, closed it and stood. She had some thinking, and probably drinking, to do. Enid had to get home.

One of the conditions, she’d be Wednesdays fake wife to get two ‘boys’ ( t*ler and x*vier) off her back.

“You think they’d still be holding a flame after fifteen years?”

“Those boys started their idiotic fight over me since our parents were in school and we met when we were merely months old.”

“So they know you’d’ve gotten married?”

“An Addams Wedding is the most private thing, Enid. We do not invite anyone other than blood. Those boys are not blood.”

[ladyyatexel]

Friends, Romans, Tumblrites, lend me your reblogs.

I'm Xel and I live in a society! I think there's a solid chance you do also! So you may relate to the profoundly crappy thing that happened to me and that I once again need a community assist.

I lost a temporary job that was supposed to turn into a permanent job in June because no one there felt safe enough to retire. Only two of us in the apartment were under 50. One of the crew was over 70. Three were chronically ill/disabled. No one felt safe enough to leave in order for me to stay, so I was trained for basically 6 months for nothing.

I have survived on savings from that job until this point, but I'm at the point where I cannot pay rent. I'm looking into getting help from sources more local to me but the internet has always felt like people who cared about me more than the people I share DNA with, really.

Many of the social services that I was signed up for expired the day that I was supposed to be told that I would be a permanent hire, and since that didn't go down, now I have to start it all again from the beginning, and there are gaps in my security net.

I tell you all of that just to say that I am actually trying to do things, I'm not here to just beg and coast along on some sort of lavish lifestyle where I, uh. Keep living in this dodgy apartment with my cat.

I don't want to bore you with an itemized list, but like 2,000 US dollars would get me through September and October without being worried about it like every 3 minutes. My rent is 700 and change, if you would like to know that. So I'm looking for like September and October rent and money to renew my driver's license, pay a few utility bills, buy a bag of cat food, and refill my medications.

If you have the notion to toss help at an internet pal or the extended reblogged acquaintance of an Internet pal, as is more likely the case, probably, that would be super rad of you.

I'm an artist! You could get things with images on them from me! I sell buttons, prints, and commissioned illustrations if that's your thing. My commissions are going a bit slow as of late - I only recovered from being not really able to walk like 2 months ago, and so I'm doing a lot of catch up like everywhere else in my whole life and trying not to spend too much time at a desk since it aggravates the spine thing that was the problem in the first place.

To be honest, it would be a greater help to me to just receive some Aid rather than full-on commissions, but I completely understand feeling fishy about people getting something for nothing and also feeling bad for being a charity case on the internet, so I'm not opposed! If you want to chat about that, I have a commissions post on the side or top of my blog depending on where you're looking at this!

Ko-fi contains my buttons and is a good place to toss digital dead American presidents if that suits you. I will get hit by some PayPal fees in this process but, I'm willing to call that a call for help on the internet tax.

I promise I'm a real person and not a bot who has made up a cat and is pretending to have interests. My blog has been here since 2010! I've met people on this website in person and everything. I've had embarrassing obsessions no bot would bother coming up with. Speaking of:

Similarly to times before, I would like to be able to do something in order to feel like I have earned some kind of support, and as of my birthday last week I have resolved to try very hard in the next year to conquer my fear and absolute mortification about many of the things I make, so I will once again go digging into my archives for things I can post for you to enjoy as thanks and tribute! I also have a poll running right now to see what kind of buttons people want!

Thanks for taking a look! Be nice out there, take care of your spines!

[youcouldmakealife]

LBTE: Jared (149-150)

In which Jared is the last to find out about his sister's new boyfriend, and he takes it just as calmly as you'd expect.

If you would like to follow along the series page is here.

“Um,” Jared says, when he opens the front door of their apartment to find Bryce beaming right at him.

Like, right at him. Like if Jared had swung open the door without paying attention he might have smacked Bryce right in his beautiful face.

Literally ran to the door like a puppy hearing its human come home.

“I’m allowed to train again!” Bryce says.

“Like,” Jared says. “Very carefully?”

“Very carefully,” Bryce confirms, and then, as if he’s trying to completely undermine Jared’s confidence that he’ll take that advice seriously, bolts into the living room at high speed.

A puppy with the zoomies.

Jared catches “—sorry, had to tell Jared—“, which he thinks means Bryce literally dropped everything to tell him, everything presumably being a call with Elaine. Though it could be someone else, Jared supposes. Theoretically.

“—love you too, mom,” Bryce says, then reappears so quickly Jared thinks he bolted right back.

Zoom zoom. (To no one’s surprise, he did — albeit with ‘one sec I think Jared’s home’ first. Elaine didn’t mind)

“Come on!” Bryce says, and that’s how Jared caps off an entire day at the gym by going to another, closer gym, and trying not to helicopter husband, partly because they’re in public, and partly because Bryce might bite his head off if he gets between him and the equipment after a long absence.

Relationship with Jared over, now gym equipment is Bryce’s best friend.

Jared says nothing, even when a piece of penne lands on the carpet. Bryce is too happy about all the complaining he’s doing to deflate him. And it’s not like Jared’s worried Bryce is going to go hungry.

He does, however, make Bryce clean the pasta up, because if he didn’t he’s pretty sure Bryce would literally not even notice it was there. He has to do it again himself after Bryce does a half-assed job and then puts his nose right in his phone. Thank fuck it wasn’t a tomato based sauce or their carpet would be toast. Why do they even have a carpet? They’re clearly not responsible enough for one.

Seriously, carpet should have disqualified the place.

“Uh, J?” Bryce says. “You might want to check twitter?”

“Signing?” Jared asks on his way back from the kitchen. It’s getting around that time where some of the stragglers realise a contract-less season is imminent and take whatever offers are still available. That or teams realise they’re missing a key piece of the picture and start looking into what’s available and affordable. “Trade?”

“Um,” Bryce says, his whole body a wince, which is — concerning. “Just look?”

No fucking way Bryce is telling him, you can’t make him.

“Did they trade Gabe?” Jared asks.

They can’t trade Gabe. Gabe’s franchise, one of only two players from that Cup season still on the Canucks. He’s a fan favourite, and a sizeable contingent of their younger fans don’t remember a team without him. It’s pretty much an open secret he wants to spend his entire career in Vancouver, and that’s mutual. Also Stephen would fight management. Possibly literally.

Also Jared would be sad, so clearly it’s not allowed.

It has to be someone on the team who means more to Jared than they do to Bryce, considering it’s something Bryce thinks Jared needs to see for himself, which leaves Gabe and —

Literally it’s just Gabe.

Also Stephen, but Jared’s pretty sure Brian can’t trade him.

“Nobody’s traded!” Bryce says. “Just. You need to see it? Instead of me telling you about it?”

Not for a million dollars will Bryce tell him.

If people on the internet are talking about how hot they think Jared’s dad is again, he swears to god —

One of my favourite subplots that doesn’t make the main narrative — Don the DILF.

“Erin’s trending again,” Bryce says.

Jared’s sister trending on twitter is really not something that Jared expected to happen twice. Like, even in a big Canadian market, that’s getting slightly absurd for a the sister of a middle-six forward.

Imagine how she feels. (She again thinks it’s funny)

Bryce gently kicks him in the shin. “You might want to look it up.”

“No thanks,” Jared says.

Bryce kicks him again. “Seriously, though.”

“If I do will you stop kicking me?” Jared asks.

“Yeah,” Bryce says.

Please look this up out of your own volition so you won’t shoot Bryce Marcus, Messenger.

“J,” Bryce says. “He’s clearly not going to pick up.”

Jared hits ‘end’ and then ‘call’ for the fourth time.

Surely he will pick up the fourth time you call to yell at him.

“Maybe just leave a message?” Bryce suggests weakly.

“Are you fucking my sister?” Jared asks when the operator’s finished telling him the number he has dialled is currently unavailable, because Julius couldn’t even be bothered to set his voicemail message after literal years in Canada. “And pick up your fucking phone, Halla, I swear to god.”

Bryce regrets his suggestion.

“What,” he says.

“He’s probably not going to want to call you back?” Bryce says. “If you sound like that?”

“Nobody cares what Julius wants!” Jared says.

“Um,” Bryce says. “Are you — okay?”

Bryce increasingly realising Jared was completely blindsided by this and mentally rewinding to every time he thought Jared was just ignoring the relationship out of pettiness.

“You knew about this,” Jared says with dawning realisation.

Bryce looks shifty.

“You knew,” Jared says. “And you let me find out from twitter.”

“I didn’t know know,” Bryce says.

They have not been formally told, but nobody has been hiding this from them. See: several parts ago, when Erin was visiting a friend in Edmonton (nobody told Jared it was a university friend, as he stated, Jared just assumed it must be because he knows Erin didn’t keep in touch with anyone from high school or earlier. Neither Matheson sibling is a big friend maker)

“Jared,” Bryce says, then, from the other side of a slammed door, “Hey, that’s my room!”

Jared is sulking, so by all rights the sulking room now belongs to him.

He’d ask if the picture was misinterpreted, like it was with Bryce, but there really aren’t that many interpretations for a kiss. Sure, some cultures greet one another with kisses, but as far as Jared is aware, the Finns are not one of them, and neither are the Mathesons.

Ah yes, the famed Matheson culture. Signs of affection are ribbing, mockery, and snide.

And even if a kiss on the mouth was a Finnish greeting, it’d be one Julius would pointedly not do. Julius doesn’t like participating in things.

This is so accurate but hilarious from Jared because it’s one of the reasons they get along so well.

He’s not your liney anymore. Erin replies. P sure both your current lineys are already taken.

Also he’s literally on a rival team now? That’s like the anti-liney.

Ene-liney.

So you’re not denying it. Jared texts. He originally ended the text an exclamation mark, but that looked too dramatic. He’s fine. He’s chill.

So you’re not denying it!

Is this a thing? Jared writes, after deleting the two extra question marks that somehow popped up.

Is this a thing???

How long has this been a thing? Jared asks.

Officially? Like two weeks.

Before this there was some hanging out. But the euphemism-y kind of hanging out. And some texting while Julius was away. But Julius came back from Finland early, even before it was ‘officially’, which makes it a full-on Thing.

Unofficially? Jared asks.

Idk. You know how it is, Erin replies.

Jared does not know how it is. He can’t even begin to guess what she’s referring to, he has so little awareness of how it is. He met Bryce and that was it for him. Well. Give or take a few weeks and a minor grudge.

Oh we’re calling it a minor grudge now?

Wait no you don’t you were engaged at my age hahaha

Erin obviously knows Jared was engaged at nineteen, and gave him shit for it at the time (her ‘I can’t believe you’re going to be a child bride’ is one of my favourite lines in the entire series) but now that she’s nineteen herself?

His phone lights up with another text, which is just hahahahahaha and crying laughing emojis.

She’s dying what were they THINKING.

“Can I come in?” Bryce asks meekly.

“Fine,” Jared says, since it’s not like he’s talking to Erin anymore. Though he doesn’t know why Bryce would want to. This is the sulking room, and Bryce doesn’t seem sulky about this at all.

Only Big Sulky Babies allowed.

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you?” Bryce says, perching on the bed beside Jared as Jared tries to forcibly wipe his brain clean. “I just — kind of thought it was something we both knew but we were like, pretending we didn’t know so you could ignore it forever.”

Look at Bryce supportively pretend something doesn’t exist because he fears for Jared’s sanity.

“Don and I are cool now,” Bryce says. “Sort of. Mostly. He hasn’t insulted me to my face in like – a while. Huh. That’s a good sign.”

Don did mean it about Bryce being a member of the family after he married Jared. You don’t insult family. Mock? Sure. Tease? Absolutely. But insult? Absolutely not.

“Why didn’t someone actually say ‘hey Jared, you do know this is a thing, right?’” Jared asks. His immediate family and Julius all know that Jared can be, well —

Someone should have made sure he was aware, is the point.

“I honestly think Erin just wanted to see how long it’d take you to figure it out if no one actually said ‘hey Jared, Erin and Julius are dating’,” Bryce says. “And apparently the answer was a picture on twitter?”

Everyone assumed Jared already knew and was pointedly ignoring it. Except Erin. She knew that Jared would yell at her or Julius when he knew, and therefore he was still in the dark.

Bryce looks shifty again. “Ash told me that Erin said that?”

Which means Ash knows, obviously. And that Ash and Bryce have discussed this. So Chaz must know. And Maia. Not that babies know things, just —

Don’t worry, Jared, I promise Maia didn’t know before you.

Fucking Oilers fans found out about this before Jared did. Flames fans did.

He doesn’t know why, but the fact Flames fans knew this before Jared did makes this so much worse than if it was just Oilers fans.

This is simultaneously a weird thing to get stuck on, yet also totally understandable. Oilers fans are Julius fans. Flames fans are Julius haters. But also may remember Erin from Bryce drama. Also fuck Flames fans, all Jared’s homies hate Flames fans.

Jared’s phone buzzes from where he tossed it after the last emoji round. He bets it’s more hahahahas. Possibly some skulls. Erin likes to die laughing.

She can’t hahaha any longer, she’s already dead from laughing.

150. Affront

Jared thinks people are supposed to be afraid of death. He’s pretty sure that’s common, reasonable. When threatened with death, people should feel fear. But what is Julius Halla doing right now? He’s laughing. At Jared.

He basically lived with you, Jared, he knows just how little true bite there is in you.

“Stop laughing,” Jared hisses. “You traitor.”

“Who am I a traitor to,” Julius says. He sounds vaguely curious, like someone who’s been accused of something ludicrous, and is interested to see how you came to that conclusion. Which is rich, for a traitor.

But who is he a traitor TO, Jared?

“Me!” Jared says. “And friendship! And lineys! And — there’s a code!”

I do enjoy Jared continually using Julius being his liney as a reason when they have now been divisional rivals longer than they were ever linemates.

“You think it’s the definition of toxic masculinity,” Julius says. “And that it frequently treats women as objects and prizes to be won, and also acts like showing affection towards your friends is gay. And you’re gay, and you think showing affection is disgusting, so obviously there is no connection.”

He listens <3

“She’s like, ten!” Jared says. “She’s way too young for you.”

Julius is very quiet. “How much older than you is—“

There’s about a two and a half year age difference between Erin and Julius. Bryce and Jared’s is just shy of four years. As Julius well knows, the bastard.

“Eating my food and dating my sister,” Jared says. “Who is a child.”

“How old were you when you got engaged?” Julius asks.

Jared can only an inarticulate sound of rage in answer, because Julius knows exactly how old he was when he got engaged.

The answer is ‘exactly as old as Erin is now’. As Julius is well aware, the BASTARD. Also, a missing word, my bad.

“Wait,” Jared says, suddenly horrified. More horrified. “You’re not engaged, are you?”

“No!” Julius says, sounding equally horrified.

This question isn’t the reason Julius doesn’t want to get married, but it certainly did not help.

“How did this even happen,” Jared moans. “Wait. Don’t tell me. I don’t want to know anything. Why didn’t you tell me.”

This feels like a trick question.

“I wanted to wait to tell you in person,” Julius says. “Because I was concerned you’d be, well. You know.”

People keep telling Jared he knows things that he does not know.

“I don’t know,” he says.

“Hysterical,” Julius says.

“I am not hysterical!” Jared says.

This might be more believable if Jared hadn’t shrieked that last bit.

The fact Bryce bursts out laughing in the living room contradicts that statement, but Julius can’t hear him. And maybe it’s coincidental laughter. Maybe Bryce is watching something funny. Because Jared is not hysterical.

“Wait, Erin didn’t think I’d be hysterical?” Jared says.

Look, Jared may deny he’s hysterical, but also — why didn’t Erin think he’d be hysterical? Even if he isn’t. Because he is not. But also — really?

For all of Erin’s many…many…many faults, an inability to predict Jared’s behaviour is unfortunately not one of them. She used her predictive ability for blackmail purposes way too much when they were younger, always caught him in the act when he was breaking the few house rules he ever broke then threatened to snitch if Jared didn’t do shit for her. He made her so many grilled cheese sandwiches. To this day he associates grilled cheese with smug smiles and extortion.

Admission of hysteria. Also Jared makes an excellent grilled cheese sandwich. Worth surveillance for blackmail purposes for sure.

“But I was in Finland at the beginning of summer,” Julius says. “And then Bryce injured his shoulder, and you went to Vancouver, and there was no good time. And then twitter.”

Julius, if asked, would say they were a thing months earlier than Erin would. But they had not yet defined the relationship.

“She’s fine,” Julius says. “She thinks it’s funny.”

He sounds faintly scandalised. Which is understandable, because it’s not funny.

“Did you tell her it’s not funny,” Jared says.

“I did,” Julius says. “She says she gets to decide if it’s funny or not.”

“But it’s not funny,” Jared says.

“I know,” Julius says.

Counterpoint from Erin: it’s fucking hilarious, you’re both just boring.

“Don’t like —“ Jared says, then pauses, because there are a lot of different demands warring in him right now. “That’s my sister, Halla.”

“I know,” Julius says. “Would it help if I told you I have…strong…feelings—“

“Gross,” Jared says. “Stop talking.”

“Okay,” Julius says, sounding greatly relieved.

I love their friendship. Every time feelings are involved they both react like cats getting sprayed with water.

“No,” Jared says. “Obviously it is. Did you know that they were together?”

There’s a silence.

“Mom?” Jared says.

“…did you not?” his mom asks. “Jared!”

NOBODY was hiding this from Jared. Nobody.

“Erin’s spent more time in Edmonton than Calgary since her semester ended,” mom says.

“She has a friend there,” Jared says, then, “Oh.”

Yes.

There's only one direct reference to Erin and Julius’ relationship before Jared finds out in the series, because I had to ride a careful line there, as Jared hadn’t noticed anything, so his POV wouldn’t really reflect the information he wasn’t paying attention to.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Jared demands. ‘Friend’ is not telling him. ‘Friend’ is a euphemism you use when the other person already knows.

“I thought you knew!” his mom says. “And were just immaturely pretending that as long as you didn’t acknowledge it then it wasn’t actually happening!”

Jared thinks it might be a concerning sign that the two people who know him best both assume he thinks that if he pretends something hard enough, it won’t happen.

Yes that might indicate something about you, Jared.

“Yes!” Jared says. “Why aren’t you mad about this? Your daughter’s dating a hockey player. A hockey player. And you’re letting her?”

“You’re a hockey player, Jared,” his mom says. “As is your husband. And literally all of your friends.”

This isn’t exactly Grace’s mom upon finding out she was dating Raf.

“That’s just people in general, sweetie,” his mom says. “And we know Julius is a nice young man.”

“He is not,” Jared says. Julius is many things, but he is not nice.

“You know what I mean by nice, Jared,” his mom says.

He’s not a nice boy, but he is a good one. Also he speaks Matheson quite fluently.

“You can’t just assume that I like him.”

“Jared,” his mom says. “You love that boy. You brought him home for Christmas.”

“Out of the kindness of my heart,” Jared says.

“You brought home someone you don’t like for Christmas out of the kindness of your heart,” his mom says. “And then you invited him to your wedding. As one of the handful of guests who wasn’t immediately related to you or Bryce. Out of the kindness of your heart.”

Jared, we all know there is not even close to that much kindness in your heart.

“Obviously you like him, or he wouldn’t be one of your best friends,” his mom says. “And since you’re choosy about who you’re friends with, that means a lot. You have extremely good taste in friends, when you actually bother to make them.”

Jared picks at the hem of his shorts.

Jared thinks it’s quite rude for his mom to use facts and reason against him when he is intent on being unreasonable.

“Gross, love,” Jared says.

“I won’t tell Erin you love her, I promise,” his mom says.

“Good,” Jared says. “Ew.”

How dare anyone say he loves his (demon) sister.

“Jared,” his mom says. “Are you making this all about you?”

“No,” Jared says.

“Jared,” his mom says.

“Well it’s a little bit about me, isn’t it!” Jared says. “He’s my friend. And liney.”

“Former liney,” his mom says. Everyone’s so fixated on that part. Liney status can last past being teammates. Look at Jared and Chaz: linemates for life. Even though Bryce subsequently stole Chaz a little, despite the fact they played on completely different lines on the Flames. Not that it’s stealing. Couples share.

Jared can share. Look at how good Jared is at sharing. He only holds Bryce befriending Chaz against him a little, years down the line. That’s sharing.

Eventually Julius is going to get exposed to Erin’s sparkling personality.

He’s had some exposure therapy, rooming with Jared.

Jared would mention that long-distance relationships are highly prone to failure, but he’s pretty sure mom would bring up how much of his relationship with Bryce involved long-distance, and Jared is frankly sick of people reminding him of his own extremely successful relationship, and not letting him be hypocritical.

What bullshit.

He hates arguing with his mom. It’s like arguing with himself, except worse, because at least when he argues with himself, he always technically wins.

The best kind of argument.

“You remind me so much of your dad right now,” mom says.

“Mom!” Jared says.

“A little Don in the making,” his mom says. “He’d be so proud.”

Jared tries to tell her to take it back, but all he can manage is an inarticulate sound of rage. Again.

The cruelest thing you could say to him.

“I got Thai from that place on Burrard you really like,” Bryce says, then, all in a rush, “Sorry for assuming you knew about Julius and Erin and were just pretending you didn’t instead of like, actually not knowing. If I knew you actually didn’t know I would have told you. Or made Erin tell you because it wouldn’t be my place to tell you or. Are you mad at me?”

Sala Thai, for anyone curious. Also, poor Bryce. He really did think Jared knew.

“Did you get me soup to shut me up?” Jared asks.

“I got you it because it’s your favourite?” Bryce says, looking both hurt and confused.

Poor, poor Bryce.

“—and doesn’t he realise what Erin’s like?” Jared says. “Because he is going to be unpleasantly surprised when he gets to know her a little better.”

“Uh,” Bryce says. “I think he’s had a pretty good preview of what Erin’s like?”

BRYCE, NO. I mean, you are 100% correct, but NO.

“We are nothing alike,” Jared says.

“Erin made the exact same face when I said that,” Bryce says. “Like. That’s almost creepy.”

“You’ve said this to her?” Jared says.

“Yeah, because you’re both—“ Bryce says, then, “Ow! She did that too!”

Why do Mathesons keep smacking Bryce’s arm when he tells them the truth?

“We’re nothing alike,” Jared mutters.

Bryce says nothing, but he’s got this look on his face like ‘I’m humouring you right now by not arguing, but you know and I know that you’re full of shit’.

“Stop — looking at me with that face,” Jared says.

Bryce huffs out a laugh. “Erin said—“

Jared can’t hear him.

“Jared,” Bryce says, muffled. “Jared, I know you can hear me.”

Jared cannot.

Erin wasn’t immature enough to put her hands over her ears though, that one’s all Jared.

“Take it back,” Jared says.

“No,” Bryce says. “I’m not pretending something isn’t true just because you don’t like it, that’s ridiculous.”

Jared picks up his noodles.

“I got you soup,” Bryce says sadly as Jared stomps right back to the sulking room, this time with dinner.

Poor, poor Bryce.

[skeleton-mischief]

Coffee Serrif

Does it really matter? No, but that doesn't mean that you're safe from his ever watching eyes

*FS!Gold Papyrus has said enough

- Official height is 6'4

- He/They

- Selectively mute

- Would play the Drums

- An artist, he has a box filled with old sketchbooks and still gets more even now. His favorite is using charcoal

- Consumes Whipped Cream

- Feels insecure in his friendships, since he doesn't only struggle socializing, but he isn't sure when someone actually is sincere with their interest

- Good friends with Rus, Stretch, and Cash

- Grows bashful from praise, he can't handle it

- Empathetic, kind, open minded, creative, timid, passive, intuitive, will avoid fights, pessimistic, impatient, reserved, and sensitive

- A cat person, he's a hub for them

- Video game expert genius. Would be excellent if you handed him a new game and controller

- Uses notes to communicate, if he talks he stutters and messes up frequently

- Curses rarely, only a handful of times

- A master sharpshooter who was taught by Wine

- Loves coffee drowned with whipped cream and caramel

- Likes chocolate, loves dark chocolate the most though or caramel chocolate

- Loves eating rye bread

- Once close with someone, he adores physical affection and is clingy

- Doesn't admit his frustration when Wine constantly tries to do everything for him, since he likes to do things on his own sometimes

- Grew to see Razz, Carmine, and Powder as role models overtime

- Knows sign language

- Wears gloves due to his sensitivity

- Stims with his hands

- Doesn't smoke often, but he uses matches when he does

- magic smells like hazelnut, magic tastes like toffee

- A soft romantic

- Prefers handshakes

- likes Hello Kitty, his favorite character is Choco

- Calls Chara "Kitty" because they're small and remind him of a cat (it's fucking cute bro)

- Cries vary in quality often, he cries a lot

- Would call his lover peaches

- He doesn't seem like it, but he's physically pretty agile and strong. He gets irritated when he's belittled

- Sometimes, when frustrated, he'll actively ignore someone or throw something to get them to shut up

- He can't be bothered with doing a lot of things, such as drinking or partying

- He loves any sort of video games and is an excellent gamer. The moment someone shows interest, he'd have to be reassured that he's not talking too much

- He's curious of humans, but he doesn't blindly trust them

- He doesn't judge others and often is a silent observer to figure out his opinion of them

- He has very acute senses, and he'll dodge drama as soon as it's present. He slips away with whoever he's spending time with easily

- When meeting Chara, he had a piece of paper with a smiling face as he was overly friendly as he joked how to greet another human despite his terrifying aura

- Very internet savvy, he's dangerous since he can hack into anything for information

- Like every swapfell variant of Papyri, he loves fast food

- He can be very mischievous, him and Rus are very slick with their pranks

- his hoodie changes what it says based off what he's feeling

- He has a black list which is to identify who is considered an enemy and who he watches. You do not want to be on that

- He visits multiple locations, but when he's in public he usually stalks around the corners without feeling the need to say something

- He's very well educated and can be seen reading up on mechanical engineering, he gave up working on the machine however

- He doesn't remember Gaster, except for faint sensations and memories in his dreams. They're never pleasant

- He doesn't actually like the Queen, but he works for her and knows how to behave in her presence

- He always has a hood or something on his head, he doesn't like it being bare

- His eyelights don't frequently light up unless he is surprised or feeling an intense emotion, such as crying or getting flustered. His magic is much smoother(?) in appearance and yet can feel more intense

Closing Notes: i honestly want to flesh him out more than what I have for him. He's fun and I love his character, this might be updated or something since he's just sooooooo- OURGH

[casteliacityramen]

Munday Tuesday Lore Post: Humanity - Threat Assessment REBUTTAL

Scribe and Artificer J., I am writing to further inform you of our opinions on the subject of your most recent letter. Yes, your 'e-mails' did go through. Stop sending them. No, we will not accept the "good old-Unovan values of one on one combat" on the issue, no matter how many "fite me" messages you send. I am aware that this 'e-mail' is a lot more convenient than our courier system, but perhaps you are spending too much time on this "internet" that you so adore. This new messaging system of yours is enough to handle, as is. I feel that I must, at the very least, clarify our reasoning behind our verdict. For the most part, the council agrees with your assessment. Yes. Humanity is destined for greatness. Yes. Humanity shows limitless promise. Yes. We do take inspiration from their innovation (it'd be strange not to address this due to the way we talk to each other now). But humanity is an abnormality to the point of absurdity. They are our precursors, long before His Majesty Arceus gifted us with life, yet they still show signs of incremental growth. They repeat mistakes. They are prone to infighting. Their restrictive age keeps them from making wise decisions. For Arceus' sake, they only recently realized that it may be important to write things down. They are too unpredictable. Worst of all, they possess a power far greater than you give them credit for. Their abnormal power to persuade. Like you say, they have made complex societies, and have even gone as far as to borrow pokemons' powers for a mutually beneficial gain. What's mind-boggling is how oblivious they are to their power. No one is arguing with you that Humanity has cemented themselves as the top sapient life on the planet. Our scholars still debate on whether or not they should be classified as psychic-types due to this feat and the discussion is far from resolved. Perhaps this discussion would have been finished were it not for the fact that they are constantly changing, as you have mentioned in your assessment. Frankly, my dear friend, if I may be honest, humanity terrifies us. Imagine, if you will, the Order brought into chaos because we were convinced to make a decision without careful deliberation. Like you say, humanity barrels its way towards greatness. However, we cannot afford such rashness due to the gravity of our work. Which brings me to our next point. I understand your frustrations in our decision-making process. In comparison to mortal life, you are right in that we take too long to make a decision. This is an issue we hope to address in the future. However, these rules are written in blood. Yours included, if I'm not mistaken. We guide the entirety of existence in their path--there is no margin for error. You, of all people, should know this, given your current assignment. Your mind seems cluttered. Perhaps you need a reduction in your duties. As scribe, artificer, and now warden of some… particular probationary members, you seem to be spread thin. Do let me know if it's too much for you. Kindly, Head Scholar and Council Member Lok P. S. Are we still on for Dungeons and Dragonites? Steward Lia would like to join us. P. S. S. I know I've been pencil pushing for the past couple thousand years, but I bet I could kick your ass. Even with your blessing from Lady Victini.

[yes-i-am-happyaspie]

Happyapie's 2023 Sicktember Master List:

Lack of Self-Care G

With Pepper out of the country and a plethora of projects requiring his attention, Tony fails to participate in any kind of self-care. As a result, he’s overcome by a pounding headache. At some point, Peter shows up with a guilt-inducing look of harried concern.

- Hopelessly Bad at Self-Care - Pounding Headache

Don't Come Crying to Me G

In a moment of exasperation, Tony says to Peter ‘Don’t come crying to me when you get sick’. Peter takes the instructions to heart and a few months later when Tony invites him to help with a mission, he decides to keep the fact he woke up feeling awful under wraps. That goes just about as well as you would expect

- Hiding an Illness - “Wear Your Coat, You’ll Catch a Cold”

For a Friend T

Peter finds out Bucky is sick and spends his weekend at the Tower balancing between spending time with Tony and making sure his friend is taking care of himself. When it’s time for Peter to go home, he asks Tony to keep looking after Bucky. Reluctantly, Tony agrees... Of course, Peter can't stay away for long.

- “You’re a Jerk When You’re Sick” - ‘‘I shouldn’t be worried about you, but for some reason, I am’’ - Coughing Fit

Heat Below the Rubble G

Peter has a fever. And a night terror. All while asleep on the couch in Tony's lab. As Peter talks in his sleep, Tony finds out all about the fight with The vulture and the building that Peter was temporarily trapped beneath.

- Persistent Fever - Confused/Disoriented

Ned Leeds' Beginner's Guide to Faking Sick G

Peter really, really REALLY doesn't want to go on the scheduled class field trip. Ned doesn't understand why. But being the good friend that he is, Ned supports Peter's decision to be weird about it. And provides him with a comprehensive, step-by-step guide to faking sick. And well- things don't exactly go as planned...

- Beginner's Guide to Faking Sick - Anxious Stomach

AutoCorrect: Teen to Todd G

While staying with Tony, Peter comes down with a common cold. Unsure of how to help with the situation, Tony turns to the internet.

Casually, he typed into his phone’s search bar, ‘How to take care of a sick teenager.’ Although the devices autocorrect, promptly updated the search to ‘How to take care of a sick toddler.’ After noticing the unwarranted correction, he looked thoughtfully at Peter. The kid was lying pathetically across the couch, staring vacantly at some weird-looking cartoon on the television. Suddenly, the new search terms didn’t feel all that far off and he thought to himself, ‘Eh. Close enough.’

- Consulting the Internet/Web MD - Forehead Kisses

Face First(aid) T

While out on patrol, Peter decided he might not be feeling all that well. Eventually he decides to swing home but his stomach is iffy, his body aches and his brain is a bit sluggish. As a result he ends up slamming face first into a billboard, creating an explosion of pain around his nose. His AI was quick to alert Mr. Stark and bring up an ETA countdown in the corner of his HUD. He can’t decide if he was annoyed or relieved.

“Hey, Kid. Does your face hurt?”

- Sick and Injured - "I could Really Use a Hug Right About Now"

Signs of Sickness G

Peter wakes up one morning feeling tired and achy. He doesn’t think too much of it until his stomach starts to hurt on the way home from school. He tries to tell Tony he doesn't feel good but after dropping his phone there’s a language barrier larger than he knows how to fill in such a harried state. But everything ends up okay. Tony and Pepper are there for him.

- Sick in an Inconvenient Place. - Terms of Endearment/Nicknames

Happy to Stay G

Tony has been out of the county, and Happy has been tasked with making sure Peter is there to greet him when he gets back. Only Happy wasn’t really expecting the kid to be sick when he picked him up from school. Nor was he expecting to have to coax said kid into admitting it. But there he was, suddenly in charge of taking care of his superhero boss’s sick superhero pseudo son. [Happy's pov!]

- "What happened to your phenomenal immune system, huh?" - “Did you just sneeze?” - “The only place we’re going is to the pharmacy”

On Edge T

When Peter heads out on Patrol feeling overly exhausted and a little under the weather, May asks Tony to keep an eye on him. Tony happily takes on the task and everything is going perfectly well. Until the Spider-Suit’s GPS stalls right in the middle of the Queensboro Bridge and Tony decides his best course of action is to, well- panic. Even if it isn’t necessary.

- “I should have stayed home” - “I’m so sorry”

These are all a part of the 25 fic series,  Sicktember 2021-2023

[vig1lantnakia]

:// LOADING FILE: 𝟶𝟷𝟶𝟶𝟷𝟷𝟷𝟶 𝟶𝟷𝟶𝟶𝟶𝟶𝟶𝟷 𝟶𝟷𝟶𝟶𝟷𝟶𝟷𝟷 𝟶𝟷𝟶𝟶𝟷𝟶𝟶𝟷 𝟶𝟷𝟶𝟶𝟶𝟶𝟶𝟷 𝟶𝟶𝟷𝟶𝟶𝟶𝟶𝟶 𝟶𝟷𝟶𝟷𝟶𝟶𝟷𝟷 𝟶𝟷𝟶𝟶𝟶𝟶𝟶𝟷 𝟶𝟷𝟶𝟶𝟶𝟶𝟶𝟷 𝟶𝟷𝟶𝟶𝟶𝟷𝟶𝟶 𝚉𝟹𝚁𝚉𝚅𝚁𝙰 𝙽𝙰𝙺𝟷𝙰 𝚂𝙰𝙰𝙳 ...

... 𝙿𝙴𝙽𝙳𝙸𝙽𝙶 𝙰𝙲𝚃𝙸𝙾𝙽 𝙵𝚁𝙾𝙼 𝚈𝙾𝚄𝚁 𝚂𝙸𝙳𝙴: INPUT ACCESS CODE TO PROCEED...

Character Name: Nakia Saad Nicknames: Kia, [ Hacker Name: N1X, Nix ] Place of Birth: NYC, USA Birthday: February 12th, 1985 Sexuality: Panromantic Demisexual Gender Identity: Non-binary ( They or Him ) Zodiac: Aquarius MBTI: ISTJ Occupation: Intelligence Agent, Hacker Languages: Arabic, English, Spanish, Japanese Moral Alignment: True Neutral Love Language: Acts of Service

THE BIOGRAPHY ( very mild bullying tw )

Born to a family of immigrants, the importance of hard work is ingrained into you from a young age. NYC isn't an easy city to grow up in, and you see your parents work through numerous shifts at the hospital, one a surgeon, and the other a nurse, they work day and night to make a living. You are a sharp child from a young age, and even if you tend to cause trouble every once in a while, it's nothing that can stick to you. Your teachers call you too smart for your age, just that you need to focus. It's not that you don't work hard- it's just that the moment you get your hands on your first laptop, you spend nights illuminated by its light. You have always had a perchance for gadgetry, trying to break technology apart, and then enhance it or fix it back up, but now, with your own computer, you feel like a new world has been laid in front of your feet. You revel in it. You are lucky that your parents don't realize the sheer amount of time you spend there, and you learn how to code like a pro when you are in high school. Named sort of a recluse, you keep it to yourself most of the time. Again, some teachers find this worrying, but you manage to fly under the radar long enough, get a friend or two, and live through the various nicknames tackled onto you. You don't care about what the bullies think, but you do enjoy hearing them screech when one day, their entire internet history has been posted on the corridors of the school. Who would have done that? Such a shame, guess they will never find out. You get into a prestigious college as a computer science major, full ride, and you find it much easier than high school. People care less about what the silent kid is doing, and the professors don't particularly care if you show up or not. You learn a lot, and it's during your senior year in college that they scout you. Men in black, most would think, are dressed as older college students. This is your first interrogation in which they give you an offer for a new life, which you are reluctant to accept. You love your freedom too much, you love your hacking, you love learning about things before anyone else. It's the offer to teach you more than that that convinces you, and you sign up to be an intelligence agent. Years pass, you learn a lot, and you grow a lot. Though, deep down, you are that same kid who just likes getting the dirt on people. You fly too high, or too low, whichever way the Icarus myth goes, and you get caught by an underground organization. Highly illegal, who dare to blackmail you into doing their dirty work. All you can do is say yes, and try to weave the threads in the background, to get back at them, to free yourself before the agency catches wind of everything that has been going on. Then, before anything else that can be figured out — you wake up on a ship. And you realize things can get more complicated after all.

THE INTERVIEW

“What is the last thing you remember before arriving on the island?”

The light of the sun bothers them. The sense of scenery feels familiar, even though the last time they were interrogated, it was a sterile room with fluorescent lights. This time, the warmth of the sun burns into their skin. "I was working." It's a simple answer, the calculating glare focusing on the person in front of them. They try to soften it up, knowing apprehension is not the best trait when interrogated. They would know, going off from the number of times they have been in this exact spot. The silence makes it clear the person is looking for a better answer. "It was- just like another day, man. I swear." A huff of breath masked as a laugh. "I was in front of my laptop, coding the night away- trying to catch up on some of the tasks that I couldn't finish back at the HQ." A softened truth. Nakia was not working on anything related to his official job at the agency, but the second job they were forced to do. The ultimatum given to them by the underground organization, once they caught wind of Nakia's other 'hobbies' which consisted of them collecting dirt on the rich and the powerful. They aren't here right now, which makes Nakia unsure how to feel. "I was reaching a breakthrough and then — I found myself with a headache on that goddamn boat."

“Do you think you will be remembered or forgotten?”

A loaded question, one that threatens to raise their hackles. This back and forth, which they have little control over, makes them less likely to give up honest answers. "Depends on how long." Their leg shakes up and down under the desk, they begin with a shrug. "If you mean far into the future? I'll be forgotten. In the great expanse of time and space, I do not fool myself to think I am important enough that people will remember me by name." Maybe their deeds, or the event in which they would whistleblow who they wished, or managed to turn down that organization. However, as it stands, with them being in the middle of nowhere, it seems completely impossible. As much as Nakia wants to go back, they have an inkling it's not going to be as easy as some residents were thinking.

“What do you feel you could contribute to life on the island?”

A practical question, one all of them have thought of for they are stranded here, with little from home but their own skills. They nod, a hum at the back of their throat. "Sure. I have an engineering background - when anything technical goes wrong- or we need a solution to an infrastructure problem, I am the person to call." A little smirk on their lips, their eyes move down to their palm, the crackling of energy that could not be seen, but one that they felt. "Plus, these powers, will only help us further as we try to make a suitable living here." And then, besides the basic needs of shelter, food, and drinkable water, there are also other aspects Nakia is useful for. Namely, solving mysteries, investigating, and digging where people do not want them to dig. They know how to set up a case, how to gather information. Even if they were almost always behind the scenes back at home ( and behind their computer ), it does not feel that much different to look for clues as to why they ended up here, to learn where these powers came from. "I also have a… Useful background when it comes to solving problems. I think it is particularly handy to have here, considering everything."

“Do you think with your heart or your brain?”

There is the true answer, and then there is an answer they are willing to give. Of course, it ends up being the latter that's uttered from their lips. "I think with my brain. I am a scientist at heart." With their degrees in computer science and industrial engineering, this is the most palatable answer that they are willing to give. Not the one where they feel irrationally annoyed at being plucked from where they were, or the revenge that swims in their veins when they think of the organization that dared to blackmail them. There have been decisions in Nakia's life where they acted on emotions rather than rationality, though those have often led to less than favorable outcomes, which is why they do not wish to accept it out loud. "I am a highly analytical person, I like calculating various outcomes, and choosing the best one after." when they aren't wrapped in thoughts of fury or revenge, this is the truth.

“What are you most curious about regarding the island?”

Fingers tap on the surface of the wooden desk, a plethora of questions that have been revolving around their mind, threaten to reach the surface. Tongue pressing to the inside of their cheek, they try to pick one that would make them seem less irritable, less apprehensive about everything. "I suppose- the powers, to begin with." A supernatural feat, one bestowed to each and every one of them- but for what purpose? What was the aim? "And where exactly we are would be good to know." So that they could get out, eventually. When it comes to actual questions they would ask, it would simply be 'Why?', putting them all here, on this island, cameras everywhere, phantom eyes at every corner, without a purpose — it all seems like someone is playing a game on them. A fucked up one, and Nakia does not have any answers yet. They hate this with their entire being.

THE CONNECTIONS ( mostly pre-island! )

- People from another life: Childhood friends / enemies who knew Nakia in high school or university. Before they disappeared from the face of the earth and became an intelligence agent. This could go a few different ways, maybe they kept in contact, and Nakia told your muse they have been working for a tech company, or they did disappear and this is the first time these two would be meeting after almost two decades. - Family friends: Nakia's parents work in healthcare, so anyone they touched / saved / helped would be very interesting. Nakia never wanted to pursue that career themself, and they would be apprehensive about someone who knows their past to this extent. Free to explore. - Government colleagues: If your muse has a job related to the government, maybe Nakia and they could have met up for work. Nakia could have done work on your computer, or database, or any other thing. Maybe your muse knew about what he was doing, or they just told them they were an IT guy. - Actually just an IT guy: Okay, hear me out, maybe they lived close, and your muse actually needed an IT guy. Nakia found this all too amusing, and actually played into it. So now, when you need your laptop to be fixed or your TV isn't working properly, you can Nakia, and they come by. Payment would need to be non-monetary, they'd want homemade food or something like that, but we can discuss. Maybe friends or other stuff can be plotted. - Coffee pals: When Nakia is in a slump, they go to this small café, and spend hours there. Maybe your muse was in a slump of another variety, or they just found Nakia interesting and approached them. This became somewhat of a routine, and they became friends.

[writingfanficsfan]

For the new year...

I need to stop thinking that giving people money will make us friends. Or that they will somehow like me more because of the money I give them. 

This is a reminder to myself to stop buying fandom-related items from people I follow on social media. While I am glad that I have those stories on my bookshelves, this month I ordered some fanfic books, but it’s actually not the best idea to do so. 

I can afford them, but I did need to shift some money around on my bank accounts and that’s a sign that I’ve spent too much money on too much stuff. 

Not just now with these books but the whole year in fact with clothes, decor, cleaning supplies etc…. 

I do like things fast, I walk into a store or see a newsletter and there is always something I want. Part of me thinks I will be more like the person who is wearing that type of dress in her YT video. That I’ll somehow magically lose a few pounds, live in the countryside, and fill my days with baking bread and talking to animals. So that is part of the reason, wanting to be prettier, smarter, better. 

Turns out I’m still the same, still as average, still as fat, just with more stuff and less money. 

So yes, next year no more spending money on fandom stuff. And actually no more spending money on almost any stuff. I have enough clothes. I have enough home decor. I have enough books. I have enough fanfics. I have enough craft supplies.

 I just have enough. 

Just not enough money, at least that’s not how it feels right now. I know some people are worse off. But that’s always the case in the world. Someone is always worse off than you or better off than you. But I can’t keep looking at the other people around me. 

I need to look at my own situation, maybe compare it to last year and see what has changed and why. And it’s time to face some facts and some truths about myself. 

Nobody will like me just because I buy their fanfic books. Nobody will know me because I buy their fandom items. Me making that purchase will not make us friends. Influencers are not my friends. Most other people on Tumblr are not my friends. 

And all the dresses in the world won’t make me lose 10 kilograms

So low buy/no buy year, here I come. Maybe that means spending less time on the internet and social media. Maybe it means spending less time watching TV. Maybe that means reading more books. Or cleaning my flat more. Or decluttering all my closets. 

I’m not sure what it means but I know I need to change a few things in life. Starting with realizing I spent too much money on stuff. Stuff I sometimes don’t even remember buying. Stuff I sometimes get rid of just a few weeks/months later. Stuff I have multiples off because I didn’t do a good inventory.  

2024 needs to be richer. Not just in terms of money but in terms of my time spent and life lived.  Wish me luck.

[hjellacott]

Dear TRAs,

I know to say I hate trans people, to say I want them gone or dead, or that I harass them or bully them is what you need to tell yourself to feell better and justify your hatred. You need to fit your own narrative. But for the sake of sincerity, you're wrong.

I've always been in the LGBT community. Even before I considered myself part of it, I grew up in the world of the arts, surrounded by gays and trans people. The amount of cis, straight friends I have are actually a minority compared. I have butch female friends, genderfluid, nonbinary, and a few trans, some of which are physically transitioning. I've spent years seeing the fight between TRAs and feminist burst, seeing the social divide, living everything from within the LGBT community and yes, sometimes arguing with my friends due to different views. But I have never, ever in my life, rejected the chance to participate in some act pro LGBT (marches, protests, rallies, political elections), never stopped campaigning for the LGBT collective, and never, ever, had an ugly word towards anyone for being gay or trans. My friends have always known they could call me and tell me they were transitioning or something, and I'd never do anything but support them. So when six months ago when of my oldest friends, that I'd always thought of as a gay man who liked to crossdress on Halloween, told me he was a she and her new name and everything, the first thing I did, after showing her my full support over the phone, was say "tell me when we can have a drink together".

We live in different countries, but we managed. And when we sat together, I asked her, "did you always know?" She did. She spoke of how she'd been so afraid of saying she was a girl from the age of toddler, and once her brother came out as gay, she decided that if she did as well, while living as a boy, it'd be "almost" right. But now she's in her late 20s, and she wants to live her truth. So I told her, sincerely, that anything she needed, I'd be there. And that if she chose surgery, she should call me up to let me know so I could bring her chocolates and things while she recovered.

I don't worry about her transitioning because I know this is what she's always wanted, for more than twenty years. I know it's not something she saw in school or the internet, a trend, or something she's entering without lots of therapy and support from her loved-ones.

But I'll tell you a different case.

About a year ago, another old friend of mine told me he was a woman. Contrary to the previous case, that I'd sort of kind of been expecting because of the nature and personality of my previously-thought-as gay friend, this time I was properly shocked. You see, my friend is deeply autistic. He doesn't have many friends, he doesn't have too much independence, and he spends far too much time in the Internet, he practically lives in social media and video-games. None of this is very surprising if you know enough autistic people, many are like that. But I'd always known him to be a guy, he had no gay behaviour either, he'd never mentioned anything about wanting to be like a girl, and his parents and siblings were also quite shocked, because the guy is in his early thirties and very close to his family and they thought they would've seen "some" sign at least.

When my friend told me this, I was at the height of studying trans stuff. Partially because I had friends transitioning and I wanted to know what to expect and how to support them, but also because I'm a feminist and wanted to make sure my rights weren't ripped apart, to understand the politics about it all, and because I've been a psychology student for a while and my studies include these things. So I began to try to find a logical explanation as to why this had come out of the blue with my autistic friend. And I saw a pattern between my friend and many detransitioners I'd already spoken with.

Like many detransitioners, my autistic friend had never liked his looks, was immersed in the internet with not much life outside of it, was insecure, and wasn't very successful romantically nor sexually. He never had romantic success with the girls, was what is now referred to as incel (involuntarily celibate), wasn't good-looking like his brother, felt insecure in his body and insecure in his social skills. He hid online where nobody would see his real face and he drew comics. I'm not saying this is how every detransitioner believed they were trans, but I did find quite the pattern, enough to say that many detransitioners admit to have felt these things when they got into transitioning. The idea was that if they didn't like their body, due to the online and social propaganda at the moment, it must be that they were in the wrong body. In the wrong sex. And they fell into the discourse of "once you transition, everything will be OK, you'll be beautiful, you'll feel great".

This fit my friend greatly, and I knew that precisely, he'd surrounded himself with that type of speech and discourse in social media, suddenly immersed in the trans community due to I don't know what cartoon series he was watching that he said was very LGBT (perhaps one of you knows? can't remember). He'd been in a vulnerable state, he'd found a community, and he'd sought to belong to it, and also, to feel better about his body.

But nowadays, things have changed. Fortunately, he came to before he began any transition and accepted it as an odd phase. He had stopped talking with me for a bit because he didn't like that I was concerned about him and not so enthusiastic about the whole idea, and then he returned to me, explaining to me what had happened with his online community of trans friends and confessing he didn't like himself, but not because he was a boy. He felt fat. He felt ugly. So now he's dieting, catching some sunlight (was awfully pale from being indoors so much), and going to the gym. His symptoms, I am happy to report, have greatly improved. He's now the happiest, smileyest, I've ever known him.

This is the worrying difference. Surely there are plenty of people who are truly trans. It's unfortunate, because in an ideal world everyone would be born in a body they come to love (after the phases of acne and all that). But there is also a growing trend, as any quick research will show you, of many people, specially young, insecure teenagers, incel men, and people with a variety of mental health conditions, transitioning, sometimes even entire groups of friends in schools. Subsequent studies have shown that this is happening, quite often, not because there are that many people who actually are transgender, but because some people are simply male predators seeking the easy route to get close to women (they don't actually transition more than socially, and dress like a woman, and some arrests have already been made for men like this who've attacked trans women and cis women in lockers and things like that), and others are simply people with mental health problems and a huge insatisfaction with their bodies. An insatisfaction normally linked to weight and beauty, that once they transition doesn't go away (which then causes some to become detransitioners, but not all detransitioners do it for this reason and in fact there are dozens of reasons given to detransition).

What is becoming clearer and clearer, is that there's an epidemic of mental health problems. Therapists and psychologists have never been so overwhelmed, and it's not a coincidence that at the same time, there have never been so many people seeking to transition, nor so many people seeking to detransition.

And if we let politics get in the way of scientific investigations and psychological research, stop psychologists from doing their job, and force them to say only the nice part of the story, then what we're going to have, what we're having, is laws that enable CHILDREN to have transitioning surgery without having gone to a single therapy appointment. I've even heard about detrans people who said they did provide "informed" consent to transition, but that it was angled to make them believe they were trans, and that they didn't feel they were given objective, scientific information, nor told the whole truth, truth they were only discovering as they detransitioned. Many add that they didn't even known that the surgeries could cause chronic pain in their intimate areas, and that their new penis/vagina/breasts wouldn't feel so great nor be necessarily fully functional.

I don't campaign against trans people having the treatments they need. I do campaign against laws making it possible for people, trans or not, and specially for children, to have life-changing surgeries with none or poor objective, scientific information beforehand. I campaign against brainwashing. I campaign against people listening to someone who isn't happy about their bodies and simply jumping to the conclusion that they're trans. I campaign against men who want to fool people and pretend to be trans in order to hurt trans women and cis women. I campaign against the erasure of scientific biology and biological sex, of the term women, and of women-only spaces. I campaign against the erasure of therapy and psychology from transitioning processes, to recognise who actually is trans and who is just going through a bad mental health phase and will regret a transition.

And you might ask, well, why the fuck do you care? Because I'm in the field of psychology, I'm in politics, this is my world, my country's laws, my society, as much as anyone else's, and I care about how it goes. I care about my friends not suffering indescribable agony due to a mental health crisis that leads them in the wrong direction. I care about my children, the children in my family, and the children in the world, suddenly becoming all trans in entire groups of friends of one class, and then regretting it and then what? what the fuck do they do? All I ask is, ENFORCE THERAPY. Make it like, the coolest trend. Let's all go to therapy before making life-changing decisions, let's not demonise therapists. And if they say what we don't want to hear, let's at least meditate it. Therapists aren't there to tell you want you want to hear. They're there to take care of you. Or would you like an oncologist to say you don't have cancer just to avoid ruining your day?

Stop demonising cricitism. Listen to others. Listen to opposing ideas. And stop this cancel culture nonsense.

[oh-three]

Kinda at a crossroads in terms of my personal life right now. Actually, scratch that, I'm kind of having a crisis in general.

The company I work for treats us employees like shit, and half the work we do is redoing stuff we've already done because they can't make up their minds. Not to mention that they've fired almost all of the OG greenhouse crew, and those that weren't fired have left on their own terms because they've seen the flaws, too. Everyone they've hired to replace them speaks little to no English, and Babbel isn't actually adding anything relevant to my job to my Spanish vocabulary. Our truck driver is gone at the end of next week, then it's just me and my boss (and his usually-not-around boss) from the original crew. And I'll be the only one who solely speaks English. I don't mind the others being Spanish, but the language barrier is such a pain. We spend so much time using Google Translate that we have minutes knocked off of productivity explaining things properly to each other.

Cherry on top? Well, the truck driver did once overhear the CEO telling someone else that everyone is replaceable. Hahah, I don't want to work for you anymore. I love the work I'm doing when I'm not redoing things, but what the fuck?

Anyway. We have a new shipping facility in my area that's hiring, and their pay is pretty good, but I don't think that's a job (sorting packages) I'd be interested in. None of the other jobs here are appealing to me. It's like the only thing keeping me tied here is my family, friends, and the fact that I don't feel comfortable enough to strike out on my own yet- I mean, it seems fucking complicated separating my finances and stuff from my parents', I have no idea where to start. Insurance? Phone plan? Internet? No fucking clue how to detach from all that and get myself set up. And housing is expensive now.

What I'm about to add may make me seem suicidal, and I swear I'm not, but- What's the point? In living? In working hard for a retirement you'll never be able to afford? For companies that do nothing but abuse you and take up all of your time?

I don't even get paid for having Labor Day off, and I didn't know that until today. Bet I haven't been paid for any holidays. Will I get paid for Thanksgiving? For Christmas? I have no benefits at all.

Heck, my bosses aren't even sure if we're staying on through the winter yet, and the vague answers they've each given me have been contradictory of one another.

The part of me that signed up to take JROTC in that middle school classroom is rising back up. I wanted to join the military then, and it's looking pretty appealing now. I feel like I'm just dragging, hanging on because I know I'll never forgive myself if I miss new releases in my favorite fandoms- and there's quite a few that I'm excited for- but I don't feel there's much for me out there.

I want to make life interesting, make it feel worth sticking around for, but I have no idea how to do that.

[suugrbunz]

Hey! 💝anon here.. That was me giving tips earlier.. Been back on Tumblr for just a couple days, clearing out my old account, saying hellos to old online friends. Thank you, so much, for how you inspired my story last year. You motivated me - so much!

The story finished. I adidn’t do a huge amount with Maureen & Lyam’s relationship; they had a few more moments together, bonding & learning to trust & appreciate each other. Their final moment in the story was their first kiss! (I can send a snippet if you’d like?)

I turned 19 last year (so, a bit younger than you I suppose :)) It’s been good, getting offline. It’s given me more time to do other things; learn gardening from an elderly relative, do some singing (on my own lol), spend time with my family, learn about things that interest me.

Anyway. Hope you’re doing okay and taking care of yourself, and you can find ways to make life easier, whatever those ways are. 

I understand about the streaming service thing. My family usually just watch cheap second hand DVDs (charity shop sells 20 DVDs for £1!), and occasionally use the cheaper version of Netflix (with ads). I use Internet Archive (archive.org) for books and films (manly older, lesser known films), it’s free, so that’s a good option. 

And totally, get away from Instagram & TikTok! If you think you’d be happier without it, drop it! People online can be really nasty. I quit looking at Reddit, & basically all comments, last year after I suffered a deep depression (due to peoples’ extremely nasty comments toward a part of lgbt that I identify with) Doing a lot better now. 

IDK, and it’s not my business, but hope something works for you. The best people, the ones worth knowing, are those who appreciate character and kindness over consumerist beauty ideals (I say consumerist cause it’s in my belief that we’re pretty well brainwashed to think “perfect looking” people look good; a way of getting people to keep buying makeup they don’t need and the latest fashions)

Ahh, hope this isn’t too much, I write fast and am only basing this all off a couple posts I saw you made, so I’m real sorry if it’s too much! I’ve got a ton of spare time today so I’m just rambling. 

I can’t be coming back to online socialising like I used to, as it took up so much of my limited spare time last year, so this is a rarity, just to say hello. Hugs 🫂 

💝anon

i literally cried seeing it was you— i was noshing on a gyro, crying alone in the kitchen. I have hereditary depression, so it won't get better. It'll always be there. It's just worse than normal lately. Hoping it'll calm down, I wrote and edited some of my book today.

This is like writing a lovely old pen pal, ah, it's nearly therapeutic. I think of you often. I'm nearing tears as i write this because something about talking to you has felt so homeward bound. I love archive, that's how I watched the clash movie, Rude Boy! I have some unread books I wish to finish, one is kafka and the other is khalil gibran. You should see the khalil gibran book, it has such an ornate cover.

I adopted a cat since we've last spoken, she was beside my neighbours house during a storm. I had been taking out my dog and heard her meowing. When i approached her, she immediately came to me. Oh, her name is Laila, she's a tortoise shell.

I definitely have to agree, we are brainwashed constantly to see aging as a sign of lost beauty. Similarly, we are taught that our bodies are never enough because whatever the trend is— it isn't for a girl with an hourglass body. I told my mother the other night, through lots of tears i have never truly loved myself. I mean, around puberty is when confidence develops, at least in my opinion. I got bullied for my body developing into what it now is. So, you can imagine what eating disorder shit i go through because of it. Only fueled by my mother also having a fucked up perception of body-image as well. I am trying my best to understand that my value is an independent variable from the weight on a scale.

Please send me all the writing you wish to, I remember loving your writing. I started publishing my book, but it's completely different. I had to change everything; it was going nowhere. I couldn't get a plot to stitch together. I was nearly at the point of deleting it. Then, out of the blue, I woke up after some dream and was like— "what if I used tamino as a faceclaim? What if x, y, z?". Soooo, i ended up experimenting with it and i actually followed through on replacing nick (i want to implement him in the new book tbh, i miss him). Ah, i hope you find the time to read the chapters I have published... that is if you want to read them, truly there is no pressure there. Again though; please send me your work.

[msfbgraves]

I feel that people who hate watching small purchases have such strange ideas about saving money.

They seem to equate the idea with cutting out any and all luxuries, because cutting out things that aren't luxuries can't possibly amount to enough to make your life more enjoyable.

The same people who won't sign up to a supermarket reward programme because it will only earn them $24 a year are the same people who won't buy things they really want if they're $20 too expensive.

I just think that's so sad.

I know I have the reputation of the family's penny pincher, what with the disability making employment difficult. And they're usually completely taken aback when I will spend $50 on concert tickets. The reason I can do that is because I am a person who looks for promo codes on parking fees. Cares to save money on dish soap. Tries to find the cheapest internet provider, brings her own bag, thermos, cuts open toothpaste packages, shops around for covid tests, sometimes travels long distances by bus. What I will not do is give up drinking green tea or eating organic meat or turn down the thermostat. And then people I know will not go out to eat when they feel they can't afford it but why bother switching car insurance for $10?

Please, if you're looking to cut back, start with the boring expenses. The things that don't bring you any joy. Then, set these little savings aside for a luxury you "shouldn't afford". My friend wanted a $200 fandom book, and had been wanting it for two years, but couldn't justify spending that amount of cash. But over that amount of time, that's less than $9 a month! That's a doable amount of money to save or earn for a lot of people. Again, they'll pay you that in cashback on a lot of sites. Maybe it's enough motivation to forego one little 'normal luxury' a year, or spend some time tracking down a coupon or discount, or find a loyalty programme. Sure, you'd have to wait two years, but she'd been waiting two years anyway. Often it's not even what you buy it is figuring out where to buy.

And then get yourself those things you "shouldn't". It'll make you so much happier!

[stop-him]

Be Honest, Art is Worthless to You

I remain - well, I don't know - surprised? baffled? dismayed? - at the number of takes that cross my path that complain about AI art, and how it's stealing from artists. That itself isn't the issue so much as then those same people turn around and almost in their very next breath justify some form of art piracy - music, movies, and so on.

I submit to you: this is the world you built, and you have no standing upon which to express outrage over AI now, because this is simply the logical extension of how we treat art. One poster put it like this: "companies need to learn that they're competing with free". That right there is brilliantly accurate and at the same time the very symptom of the problem. Why go see a movie or buy a DVD when you can sign up to a streaming service with hundreds of shows for the price of one each month? Why sign up for a streaming service when you can bum a password off a friend or relative? And then you loudly complain about how some new season's special effects are crap or the animation's all janky, and my dudes, that shit costs money, money which you are dead set against spending.

I get it: times are tough, the economy sucks, sure. And you are fortunate enough to live in a time where technology enables the taking of art without paying money. Let me tell you (cue someone with the Man Yells At Cloud meme), when I was young and I couldn't afford all the albums I wanted, I had to budget and make hard choices and set priorities, because stealing a vinyl LP was not nearly as easy as freeloading off the Internet. Nowadays, people can get anything they want all the time, so they come to believe they are entitled to everything, all the time. At least as far as media goes.

And in the graphic arts, like drawing and such, it's not like the signs haven't long been painted in bright day-glo colors, warning of exactly this fate. Anyone who's an artist or follows artists has heard horror stories of the entitled would-be commissioner who demands high-quality work and then is outraged to the point of abusiveness when expected to pay more than a couple bucks for it. We hold these people up as assholes of the highest order but then expect a band to let us have their music for free. "Go on tour! Sell merch!" we say. A person spends their youth practicing guitar or the drums so they can become a glorified t-shirt salesman.

So how could it be any shock or surprise that AI developers would treat the entire visual library of the Internet as their own personal reservoir of data? Why not? What ethical rule do we use for media that would stand in their way? Why should graphic artists and illustrators be treated any differently than musicians or filmmakers?

No, this is the life people asked for, only some people didn't expect that system to turn around and bite them.

Frankly, I've lost the will to argue with people about piracy itself - the rationalizations are too entrenched and cross-pollinated. Cue another meme, of the two muscular men clasping hands: one is a Communist who thinks all art should be free and the other is an Anarcho-Capitalist who's certain that free is the perfect market value as long as you can get it.

So you do you, kids - but admit it, to yourselves if not out loud, that you don't actually value art that much, if you can't give an artist so much as the price of a value meal at McDonald's in exchange for their work. And then, when the crowd clamoring for free art eternally and always turns and begins to chew at your own art and industry, don't be surprised when you encounter a certain lack of sympathy.