#ironically i hope this makes sense and can resonate with someone

[staarcaake]

[vortexbloom]

Hello, I hope I didn't bother you. If you haven't, Can you make a Mydei x Fem! Reader? Reader is injured or harassed by someone, but when Mydei sees this, he decides to take matters into his own hands. I had an incident similar to this, so I asked, if you are uncomfortable, please don't do it. English is not my first language, but I hope I was able to write it correctly<3

Hello dear anon 😙

Don’t worry, I‘m comfortable with writing this.

I‘m sorry to hear that something like this happened to you in real life, I hope you’re doing better now <3

Also, your English is good, I understood everything 😌

A Devine Reckoning (OneShot)

Pairing: Mydei x Female Reader

Fandom: HSR (Honkai Star Rail)

Warnings: Reader gets harassed, there isn’t much plot tbh

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Masterlist - Honkai Star Rail

Masterlist - Genshin Impact

Moodboards - Genshin Impact

Masterlist - Marvel

Boycott List

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English isn’t my first/native language, so there might be misspellings etc.

I do NOT own any Characters !

Have fun reading this :D

Art by: @crycry84488 on X (Twitter)

The shadows danced between the marble columns and the air was thick, danger often lurked in unexpected corners. The city’s intricate alleyways, though beautiful, could become treacherous labyrinths for the unprepared.

As you navigated these winding paths, the distant hum of the city’s life provided a comforting backdrop. However, the serenity was abruptly shattered when a figure emerged from the shadows, his intentions evident in his predatory gaze.

"Well, what do we have here?" he sneered, advancing toward you with a menacing grin.

Before you could react, he seized your arm, his grip like iron. Panic surged through you, but before you could cry out, a commanding voice resonated through the alley.

"Release her. Now."

Both you and your assailant turned to see Mydei, the crown prince of Kremnos and the warrior of Okhema.

"This is none of your concern," the man spat, acting like the person he’s talking too isn’t Mydeimos.

Mydei stepped forward, the air around him shimmering with latent energy. "Here, all matters of justice are my concern."

The assailant released you, attempting to flee, but with a swift motion, Mydei ran after him, managing to catch the guy.

"You dare defile the sanctity of Amphoreus with your actions?" Mydei’s voice was cold, each word measured. "Such transgressions cannot go unpunished."

With a subtle gesture, Mydei threw the man away, making him land harshly on the ground. The man cried out before collapsing, unconscious but alive.

Turning to you, Mydei’s demeanor softened just a little bit, though he was still pissed at that guy. "Are you harmed?"

You nodded, still shaken. "Just a bruise. Thank you."

He extended a hand, helping you to your feet. "These streets are meant to be safe for all. I regret that this was not your experience tonight."

As he spoke, you couldn’t shake of the fact that your heart was beating so fast. After all, you’re standing before Mydei. It doesn’t help that he looks so handsome either. Though, you managed to get out of your thoughts after hearing Mydei’s voice again.

"Rest assured," he continued, his voice firm yet comforting, "such acts will not be tolerated. Should anyone threaten you again, they will face the full extent of Amphoreus’s justice."

In that moment, you felt a profound sense of safety, knowing that Mydei was there.

© 2024-2025 vortexbloom all rights reserved. Don’t repost, edit, translate or plagiarize my work!

Tbh, I‘m not really proud of this OneShot, but it is what it is 😔

I just feel like I could’ve done better.

Have a good day/night/evening/morning/afternoon ☼꥟☽

[skaruresonic]

IMO, Sonic being Maria's reincarnation could be a cute idea in isolation, but it risks taking away Sonic's agency and identity by revealing him to be the spirit of someone else, making it easy for fans to just see him as Maria in a hedgehog's body rather than his own being. Not to mention it gives SA2's lore even more extra priority over the rest of Sonic's expansive history.

Have you ever played Silent Hill 3? They treat reincarnation in much the same manner. Heather Mason is Alessa Gillespie's reincarnation in the sense that they share the same soul and even some of the same memories, but Heather doesn't define herself as Alessa. They remain two separate entities in spite of the link.

---

making it easy for fans to just see him as Maria in a hedgehog's body rather than his own being.

How am I making it easy for them when they do that anyway? At least this idea makes more sense than most iterations and doesn't require wishing the disability away.

Obviously I'd never call it iron-clad canon, but the idea has such a powerful thematic allure that it's difficult to ignore. It really resonates with who and how Sonic is as a person. I'm not nearly objective enough to snub my nose at the fanfic fuel.

Don't get hung up on the "reincarnation" part. He's still Sonic. He doesn't define himself as Maria because Maria no longer exists. That's the whole point. Sonic is all about looking toward the next adventure and taking action when you can, not dwelling on the past. He is the embodiment of the hope that she wanted to bring to humanity, as cool and blue as the planet she admired.

I'm not saying Sonic literally is Maria. Think more thematically. Think about the kind of wisdom he offers when he tells Merlina to appreciate life in the limited time we have. Maybe he's been there. Think about the empathy he displays when he says sealing Chaos away won't solve its anguish and turmoil. Maybe he's seen this before. It doesn't necessarily have to detract from his person because he is ultimately the one doing and saying these things.

Plus, I just think the idea has the potential to be as funny as it is poignant.

Maria dies by gunshot, so her spirit's like "fuck this, next incarnation I'm going to be SHREDDED" and pours all of its stats into strength and speed. This time I'm going to dance circles around bullet fire.

Oh, my immune system was weak? Next time it's going to be so strong that sniffing flowers makes my hay fever act up.

Oh, bitchass Ivo is threatening the planet? He's going to hear boss music by the time I roll up, lmao

[pastafossa]

hi pasta :) hope your week is going well so far !!

i dunno if you’ve spoken about this or been asked before (i apologise if you have) but i was just wondering how you always get matt’s characterisation so spot on?? if i didn’t know any better, i’d have thought you wrote the show. i can literally always picture him doing/saying the stuff you write <333

😭😭😭 This is like, an AMAZING compliment oh my god, thank you so much!

As for the question I'm not sure if I've talked about it before but ironically seeing it in my ask box triggered a discussion with sis. Like, I know there are folks who have a different take on Matt than mine. That's valid! So I don't want to be like... 'I did the research and delved and etc etc' because they do too. But eventually me and sis arrived at a conclusion that it's a few combos of things that makes Matt easy for me to click with:

A lot of psych classes in college that ironically I've used more for writing than anything else. This helped me understand some of how Matt's background of abandonment and trauma would potentially affect him and influence his coping techniques and behavior. I like learning psych stuff in general so that all wound up being an influence. I'll always recommend digging into this when working with characters!

I've watched Daredevil over and over and over and over and the more I've rewatched, the more I wind up picking up on new things and analyzing what Matt is thinking or feeling (bless Charlie for giving Matt so many little hints and fidgets and subtle touches of what Matt's internally feeling). This includes interviews, behind the scenes stuff, anything breaking down the why of Matt. I'm familiar with him at this point.

There are certain parts of Matt's character that I relate to incredibly strongly as a disabled person with chronic pain raised in the church, and also as someone who went through a long lonely period of depression where I felt very isolated, and then was afraid when I did finally make friends that they'd leave me. So. There's always an element with Matt that's like, 'ah I get it', this sense of resonation. I feel like that natural click with Matt really helped me when writing him, cause... been there, get the motivation, also dude needs to cry more and let that stress out, trust me.

This sounds weird but me and my sis love to break characters down, rip them apart to examine their insides. We love our favorite characters and talking about all their wholesome or badass elements, but we also gd love and have fun dissecting flaws, fuckups, the shadow self, character trauma, are they the asshole, is EVERYONE the asshole, what does this mean when he did this or that. The whole Pasta clan is immersed in that - Dad was a theatre major so got a lot of practice, Mom's loved lit forever, and we all have this tendency, so I got very comfortable very early with taking characters apart in a really honest way to figure out how and why they tick and what the writer/actor is trying to tell you. And since we've all seen Daredevil, and dad has also read a lot of the earlier comics, we've all more than once metaphorically laid Matt out on the table like a frog and dissected his character. I feel like having someone who's not only willing to talk about these layers with you, but also comfortable enough with you to kinda push back and go 'Or what if he was doing it because of this' or 'Ok yeah you love him but he was actually being the asshole here because *valid reason*' is important. Get you some allies who love to know why characters tick!

So basically lots of reading, really enjoying picking characters apart with fam, and familiarity, all mixed up in a bucket of 'Ooooh poor thing, I've been there and that was not fun. You really need therapy and maybe some antidepressants.'

[justsomeoneintoomanyfandoms]

Teenagers...

Here are some headcanons based off the requests sent in by @the-letter-horror-lover! I noticed some similarities and (because I no longer write for OCs), thought I'd be able to combine them into one, more general post. If anyone wants to read the original requests, I've linked them below. I hope you like the requests!

Yuki Okumura | Sakura Okumura | Mikoto Okumura | Mira Okumura | Yuzu Okumura | Carl Okumura | Karin Okumura

Characters: Shiro Fujimoto, Rin Okumura, Yukio Okumura, Ryūjj Suguro, Renzō Shima, Konekomaru Miwa, Shiemi Moriyama, Izumo Kamiki, Kuro, Shura Kirigakure, Mephisto Pheles (separate)

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How do the Blue Exorcist characters interact with teenagers?

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Shiro really appreciates a hardworking teenager. He likes to see that the next generation is being raised right.

In the same manner, he also has a lot of respect for kind teens. He holds Rin and Yukio as the standard so is always impressed when others meet his high expectations.

He does get worried when he sees teenage exorcists working on dangerous missions. In his eyes, that’s an adult’s job. They should be keeping kids off the front line for as long as possible.

Impulsive teenagers get on his nerves but only because they remind him a lot of himself when he was younger.

Rin has an unexpected soft spot for teenagers who are bookworms. He might call them dorks or nerds but they remind him a lot of Yukio.

He also has a lot of admiration for brave teens. He sometimes takes bravery for granted since that’s how he acts a lot of the time but when he notices it, he’ll make comment.

In the same manner, he really resonates with teenagers who are optimistic. He knows first-hand how difficult it can be to stay positive all the time and he appreciates their dedication.

He definitely has a thing for drums and would love being friends with someone who plays. He might hound them to teach him though so they’d better beware.

Yukio gets along well with teens who are intelligent like himself. He enjoys having deep, meaningful conversations about a wide range of topics.

Troublemaking teens grate on his nerves to no end. They remind him too much of Rin and he’s only got it in him to deal with one person like that.

Authoritative teenagers are a bit hit or miss with Yukio. He admires them for taking the initiative but only if they aren’t contradicting his own authority.

If there’s any teenager out there going through the process of healing trauma, it’s Yukio so he’s got a lot of empathy towards anyone in a similar position.

Bon definitely has old man syndrome so down-to-earth teenagers astonish him. There are people like that?

In a similar manner, teens who show common sense amaze him. He’s been around Rin too long and now even the most basic display of common sense is a breath of fresh air.

Hard working teenagers are people Bon can relate to. Ironically, he still won’t really interact with them a whole lot since they’re both so focused on their own projects and goals.

Bon holds a lot of admiration for teenagers who are determined. Sure, he might butt heads with them at times but he appreciates their conviction.

Shima and any teenager who likes pranks is a deadly combination. They’re just on the same wave of thought and where things go from there, only they know.

He also gets along really well with sociable teens since he’s quite social himself. If the teen is too social though, his battery will deplete pretty quickly.

Definitely the kind of guy who wants to get a skateboarding group together so he’d love getting to know teenagers who like skateboarding.

Teenagers who like collecting things confuse Shima a bit since he doesn’t really get the appeal of collections. But he does find it interesting in a disconnected kind of way.

Much like Yukio, Miwa gets along well with teenagers who are intelligent. He finds he’s able to connect more with them.

He also really likes teens who are bookworms. Miwa loves talking to them about their favourite books, whether they’re fiction or academic.

Maturity is a trait a lot of Miwa’s friends have in abundance so when it comes to other teenagers, it’s something he subconsciously looks for.

Brave teenagers amaze Miwa. He holds nothing but respect (and a bit of envy) for them since bravery is something he struggles with.

Shiemi surrounds herself with determined teenagers to help encourage her own determination. She finds it an admirable trait to have.

She really admires teenagers who are particularly empathetic. She knows it can be hard to treat others that way all the time so she thinks it’s a praise worthy skill.

In a similar manner, kind teenagers have her admiration and they’re people she wants to get to know better. They’re people she can relate to.

Any teenagers who work on dangerous missions have Shiemi’s sympathy. Especially if they’re younger than her, she thinks it’s unfair they have to take on such risks.

Mean teenagers are people Izumo can’t stand. But at the same time, she can’t really call them out on any behaviour considering her own personality.

In a very similar manner, teenagers who are in the process of healing past traumas have her empathy. She knows what they’re going through and feels for them.

Hard working teenagers are people she can admire, especially if they’re working towards a similar goal to Izumo. She likes being around people like that since it encourages her as well.

On the other hand, she finds down-to-earth teens pretentious. She knows they’re just trying to be the best they can be but she finds it annoying.

Impulsive teenagers are her punishment for what she was like at that age, right? The irritation and concern is exactly how Shiro felt, she just knows it…

Teenagers who are protective of each other and those younger than them have Shura’s heart. They’re the kind of people she hopes will be in charge in the future.

Much like impulsivity, teenagers who enjoy skateboarding stress Shura out a bit, especially if they’re on the younger side. If they’re older, she wouldn’t mind joining them though.

Out-spoken teens have Shura’s admiration, as long as they’re not speaking against her. If that’s the case, they’re the most annoying child she’s ever come across. And remind her a bit too much of herself.

Kuro has a penchant for collecting things himself so teenagers (and anyone really) who also like collecting things are good people in his eyes.

Artistic teenagers amaze Kuro. He’s going to watch in silent fascination while they work and then jump about, singing their praise when they’re finished.

Loves running alongside skateboards. He finds it fun, as well as good training. If the teen tries putting him on the skateboard though, Kuro’s not going to be having a great time.

Much like Rin, Kuro likes drums and would enjoy being around teens who play. He enjoys jumping around to the beat, especially if it’s loud enough that he can feel it reverberating in his chest.

Helpful teenagers immediately peak Mephisto’s attention. They’re people he can use, especially if he plays his cards right.

Teenagers who are particularly strong also catch his attention but more in the “ooh, I can’t wait to see what you do” kind of way. He finds them intriguing.

Good actors put Mephisto on guard. He’s fairly confident in his ability to see through any lies but he’s always got to be careful with these ones.

Prankster teenagers are possibly Mephisto’s favourites, if only because they make life fun. Even when the pranks are directed at him, he can’t help but admire the skill that went into them (not to mention the guts to pull a prank on the demon King of Time).

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Hey, did you enjoy this? If you like my writing, please consider donating to my Ko-Fi page! This will allow me to make some money off my writing, something I enjoy doing.

ko-fi.com/justsomeoneintoomanyfandoms

Important Note: Please only donate if you are financially able to. If you are currently in a position where you can't donate, a like, comment or reblog will mean just as much.

[justsomerandomfanfic]

Howdy! First off, I wanna start by saying you're awesome for doing matchups, and for free no less. It's so rare to find someone enthusiastically doing something like this. So, thank you; I hope you're having a great time doing these :)

With that said, I'd love an X-men matchup!

I'm 18, they/he, and aroace. (The aroace thing makes dating difficult, obviously, but I thought it'd be important to include it!) I'm 5'5, brown hair+eyes and glasses, with pale skin. It's a bit hard to tell my gender, lol; I'm androgynous and lean towards masculine. I'm also American.

My hobbies are writing, reading, art in general, and video games. For my interests, I adore writing, and am going to Uni for creative writing. I'm big into fantasy writing, and my interests reflect that; Final Fantasy XVI and Elden Ring are my favorite games. I also like Minecraft, the Sims 4, and Resident Evil. I draw as a hobby, and I like to draw things I find beautiful. For books, I like Frankenstein, Picture of Dorian Grey, H.P. Lovecraft, and Shakespeare.

I'm fairly into politics and prefer to keep up with the news. I'm a bit radical for my area lol. I have strong convictions, but I'm willing to change my mind on things, and I love to learn.

I've been told I'm a bit odd, to put it lightly. (I don't know how to write this next bit without sounding like I'm gassing myself up lmao-) I have dry humor and I can respond pretty quickly with a joke, so I consider myself witty. I'm big on sarcasm; ironically, with my audhd, it can be hard for me to pick up on others being sarcastic.

I get through social interactions with hopes and prayers, but I've been told I have charisma (???).

Other random things: My favorite flower is forget-me-not; my sense of style is anywhere from frat boy to academic to divorced dad; I'm pretty messy (adhd lol); axolotls are my favorite animal.

I hope I provided enough info! Have a wonderful day, and thank you in advance!! 💞💓💖💗

Hi! I genuinely enjoy doing these matchups! Deep diving into characters, writing headcanons, and coming up with new - and cute - ideas is super fun for me. I love hearing about everyone's preferences and interests as well. I find myself finding things in common with people, which I love, too. :)

It’s honestly so fulfilling to see the ideas I create resonate with others and bring a smile to their faces. Knowing that something I’ve written can brighten someone’s day or give them a little joy makes all the effort worth it. That’s what really motivates me. <3

(Oof sorry for the long thing there XD Thank you so much for your kind words, and I hope that you like your matchup!)

<333333

Enjoy!

Matchup; X-Men

~~~

X-Men;

Kurt Wagner (Nightcrawler) (I felt that Kodi Smit-McPhee's Kurt was a pretty perfect fit, in my opinion.) -

You first meet Kurt during your early days at the X-Mansion, when you’re just starting out as a student.

At first, you’re a little unsure of what to expect; being surrounded by so many different mutants can be a bit overwhelming, but Kurt’s presence is calming and comforting.

He’s often found in the library, reading or sketching, which is how you first start talking.

One day, you find yourself seeking quiet in the same corner of the library, flipping through a book.

Kurt, ever the curious soul, notices you and shyly approaches. "Ah, I see you like to read too," He says with a small smile, his thick accent making his words sound almost musical.

You exchange a few words about the book you’re reading, and that’s how it begins.

Kurt is naturally observant and kind, and while it takes a little while for him to open up fully, he starts to recognize you around the mansion.

Over time, the two of you begin to chat more often - about books, about life, about the world outside the mansion.

His thoughtful nature and dry sense of humor draw you in, and soon enough, you're both fast friends.

Kurt is the type of friend who’s always there to cheer you on.

When you’re working on a difficult project or stuck in a creative slump, he’s right by your side with a comforting word or a silly joke to lighten the mood.

You spend a lot of time together in virtual worlds, whether it’s playing 'Minecraft' and building elaborate castles or torturing Sims in pools without ladders in 'Sims 4.'

Kurt enjoys low-pressure hangouts, like reading together (you with your book, him with whatever comic book or fantasy novel he’s into).

He’s content with quiet moments, often curling up with you in a cozy spot while he talks about the latest things that are on his mind.

You two share long discussions about philosophical ideas, personal beliefs, and deep thoughts about life in general - things that he’s genuinely curious about, and that you’re happy to explore with him.

Kurt can tell when you’re going through a tough time or struggling.

He’s incredibly empathetic and will find little ways to make your day easier, like preparing a meal for you after a long writing session or leaving little notes for you with motivational quotes.

Kurt is a very affectionate person. He might surprise you with a random, “I’m so glad I know you,” while giving you a hug (his hugs are legendary, like being enveloped in warmth).

You are a major help to him when he is still learning how to teleport correctly.

You are always there for him if he is feeling upset after a failed teleport, and always there for him when he pulls one off successfully.

Kurt loves to try drawing with you.

He’s not great at it, but he insists on sitting by you and practicing, with the occasional humorous comment about how his drawings "look like they were made by a six-year-old." But even when he’s "bad" at it, he enjoys it just because it’s something you do together.

Kurt shares your love for nature.

There are many hikes and walks you both take together, especially around the beautiful grounds of the X-Mansion or the forests around it.

He loves showing you the best spots for stargazing.

Kurt often does things that make you smile without any big gesture attached.

Maybe it’s a random forget-me-not bouquet he leaves by your desk (he remembers you mentioned them once) or getting you your favorite snack when he’s in the X-Mansion kitchen.

It’s these little thoughtful gestures that make you feel appreciated.

When you’re having a rough day or feeling overwhelmed, Kurt will sit with you and let you vent or talk about whatever is bothering you.

He doesn’t rush you, simply offering a quiet presence while you work through your thoughts. He’s always patient, always understanding.

He might even take you out on a spontaneous trip to a comic book shop or an art gallery because he knows you’ll enjoy it.

Kurt’s the type to leave little notes for you around the mansion, like on your desk, under your pillow, or even on your favorite coffee mug.

He loves hearing about the stories you’re working on. Even if they’re just drafts or ideas, he listens to you speak passionately about your worlds and characters, and will often offer you positive feedback.

He loves sitting with you as you read Frankenstein or The Picture Of Dorian Gray out loud to him.

Kurt would memorize Shakespeare passages and recite them to you to impress you.

If you're ever feeling a bit overwhelmed with your creative writing or schoolwork, Kurt would be there to help you out.

When you need to restock on drawing materials, Kurt would excitedly volunteer to go with you, eager to help pick out things for your art.

He might grab a few extra things, surprising you with new pens or a new sketchbook.

If you ever feel like the world is a bit too much or your ADHD makes things overwhelming, Kurt is there to offer comforting hugs and listen.

Overall, he is just a really compassionate and attentive person, is what I'm trying to say here.

He often reminds you that you are not alone.

Kurt, for a special occasion, bought you an axolotl.

Kurt loves to challenge you to quick, impromptu drawing sessions where you both try to draw the same creature or fantasy scene in just five minutes. It's fun, chaotic, and a little silly, but always ends in laughter.

On lazy nights, Kurt would suggest watching a fantasy movie or a classic film you both enjoy, and he’d bring popcorn.

Kurt would occasionally slip into German when he’s complimenting you.

He might say something like “Du bist wunderschön,” (you’re beautiful), and it always makes you smile, especially when you don't understand it at first, and he explains it with a shy grin.

If you get stuck on a writing prompt, Kurt would suggest going outside for some fresh air, offering to help brainstorm ideas while enjoying a walk.

His strange yet charming way of thinking always helps get your creative juices flowing.

Kurt would occasionally read to you from one of your favorite books, doing his best to get into character with different voices, even if it’s a bit exaggerated.

It would always end with you playfully rolling your eyes, but secretly loving it.

#Cuddles!

[cycat-carisi]

Commitment

Pairing: Trevor x Nicky (1x06 Pete's Wife)

Summary/A/N: In 2x22 (The Heir) Trevor mentioned that he almost moved in with a woman, but that she wanted him to commit. In 1x06 (Pete's Wife), Trevor gets Sam to look up Nicky, a woman he thought could have been "the one". I said, why not make them the same person and explore the moment that T-Money bailed on his own happiness. You know, because why not sprinkle a little more angst into this fandom :)

Tags/warnings: Cussing

Words: 1094

Additional note: I kinda feel like Trevor's unfinished business has to do with his commitment, accepting that money doesn't define his worth and having someone actually love him in return. So, I kind of want to make this into an H-Money series and weave in cannon moments plus steer these two in the right direction towards each other.

AO3: link (or below the cut!)

“Why so mopey, bro?” exclaims Chet, half-drank beer in his hand.

Trevor’s frown deepens as he plunks himself down on Ari’s expensive sofa.

“Yeah, dude. Who shit in your cornflakes?” chimes David Woodstone, swigging back his own chilled can of alcohol. “Thought you were having Nicky over tonight.”

Ari pipes up next as he saunters towards his friends. “Trouble in paradise, my man?”

Trevor releases a sigh. His voice quiets. “I think it may be over, guys.”

A collective gasp resonates through the lavish apartment.

~

“You taste scrumptious, sweetheart,” Trevor coos between kisses to his girlfriend’s neck. He feels her hum with affection against him.

“Babe,” Nicky begins, her voice tender and sweet. “What are we? I mean, we’ve been on and off for the better part of a year. I love being with you, but this whole arrangement where one of us comes over, we spend time together, and then one of us leaves again just doesn’t feel right anymore. I want us to be more than that. Being with you feels right, Trev.”

Trevor’s stomach drops. His whole body freezes. Is she saying what he thinks she’s saying? He props himself up on an elbow to meet her gaze. “What do you mean, Nicky?”

She must sense his unease because Nicky’s expression drops as she answers. “I mean, I want to have a proper relationship with you. I want to take this,” her fingertips graze his bare chest before pulling back to her own, “to the next level.”

“Like move in together?” Panic begins to set in. Trevor’s voice raises an octave.

“Well, maybe,” she keeps her voice soft, “but maybe more than just that? Maybe we can make our commitment to one another clear.”

Trevor’s brain stalls. Commitment. One simple word yet so many implications. So much weight behind its meaning. He adores Nicky, but does he love her? Does Trevor even know what love feels like? Does she love him? Is that what this is about?

His silence must have gone on for just a little too long. Nicky’s shoulders droop, and a defeated frown creeps its way onto her features. “Never mind,” she sighs, moving to get up.

“Nick, wait!” exclaims Trevor. And the look of hope that lights up her face as she turns around shatters Trevor’s heart. He tries to play it cool like he always does. “You know me, babe! I...I don’t deal well with all this intimate stuff.” Somehow, those are the only words he can think of.

A tear. It appears there in the corner of her eye, but she refuses to let it slip out. Nicky puts a hand up. “Save it, Lefkowitz. I should have known better than to push you towards this. I should know that you’re not that kind of guy.”

It’s like a hot iron rod is being driven through his chest, yet Trevor does nothing as he watches her dress, gather her belongings from the drawer he lets her use, and leaves.

~

Trevor’s head hangs between his shoulders as he leans forward on the sofa. “I royally fucked up.”

“Dude,” David preaches from beside Trevor, “chicks think that they can just tell their men what to do. Take away our autonomy.”

“But I really–” Trevor shifts, reaching into the breast pocket of his suit jacket. “I picked this up on the way here.” It’s then that Trevor reveals the small velvet box.

“Holy shit, bro!” gasps Chet.

“No fucking way!” shouts David.

Ari’s eyes widen into saucers.

Trevor holds the open box in his palm; its contents glitter in the afternoon light.

Sure, he gets invited to all the parties. Sure, he likes to splurge on a nice suit every once in a while. But the truth is, Trevor is not rich like Ari or David. Instead, he works hard and pays his rent, but while desperately tries to fit in with his friends’ lavish lifestyles, Trevor just isn’t really there yet.

So, the rock in his hand isn’t huge or overly expensive, but maybe, just maybe, it would be enough.

“Are you insane?!?!” Ari exclaims as if this must surely be some kind of prank.

“Bro, you are so whipped!” David gargles out a laugh, which sparks Ari to join in. Chet just stares, dumbfounded.

Trevor’s eyes dart between his friends, forcing a smile and a laugh amidst his confusion.

“You’re not serious, are you?” chides Ari, his words making a pit form in Trevor’s stomach.

When Trevor doesn’t answer, Ari just scoffs. “Trev, engagement spells the end of all fun.”

“No bro-nights. No drinking. No exclusive parties,” adds David.

Ari seizes the opportunity to continue. “You’ll just be dragged into the world of domesticity. Dinners with her friends and her family. Wedding planning. Then come the kids. Diapers. Being forced to stay home all the time. Not to mention that she won’t want you working in the city away from her. She’ll force you to take a safe job in the burbs and isolate you even more from us. I mean, we’re chick magnets, so she’d obviously be jealous all the time.���

The pit in Trevor’s stomach grows; it’s heavy and pushes acid into his throat. The question he had earlier resurfaces in his brain. Does he love Nicky? Is she the one? But would she try to change him or stop him from doing the things he enjoys? He is still young, with so much life to live and so many things to tick off his bucket list. But then, why had he just gone out and bought a ring?

“Trev, buddy,” Ari says, placing a hand on his friend’s shoulder and shaking Trevor from his thoughts.

Trevor gazes upwards, finding David as the one about to speak. “She’s probably got the plans for your future already mapped out.”

“Dave’s right,” Ari interjects. “You’re blinded by shiny stones and what-ifs. You’ve only been hooking up for the last year. Are you really ready to give all this”, he gestures around the room, “up for one person who probably wants to dictate the rest of your life? You need to look out for you, pal.”

His brow furrows as Trevor glances around absently.

Trevor always felt like he was going to be something. A few more promotions, and he would be raking in the dough. Then it would be him in a penthouse like Ari’s. Him hosting parties on a yacht. Him being able to afford Nicky the life she deserves. But right now, he couldn’t stop himself from living and enjoying the life that would get him there.

Not yet at least.

Feedback is loved ♥

[ghostoftheend]

#3 Movie Review List

O´ Captain! My Captain!

Poor of my high-schooler soul that didn´t know what was gonna come.

I must warn this is going to be a LOOOONG ONE and you´ll understand why in the next lines.

Warning: some spoilers ahead about topics and relationships adressed.

O´Captain! My Captain! is a Walt Whitman poem, dedicated to president Abraham Lincoln after his murder. When we were studying about american poetry in my english class, my teacher showed us the Robin Williams Carpe Diem scene.

I was intrigued about this dark academy high school film with Mr. Keating as a teacher with a relevant message: Cease the days boys! Make your lives extraordinary!

As a teenager seeking greatness to become someone extraordinary, just that I could cover the big map of my own insecurities and self esteem issues, this resonated volumes in me. Finally, one day I got the chance to watch it after school and when my mom arrived from work, she found me in a PUDDLE OF TEARS.

Dead Poets Society, a 1989 movie that follows the school year of a group of students with BIG expectations over them. Perfect 10 students, very "are you satisfied" coded of Marina and the Diamonds. But the arrival of a teacher with revolutionary methods for such a traditional academy is destined to make a change of hearts.

School has wrongly made this young men into useful robots for their future life. But they´re not robots. They´re alive and humans! Stucked many times in the day-to-day life we forget what goes deeper in our essence.

Youth vanishes quickly and we´ll all end up as worm food. The chase of their and our dreams might have a high cost, but it would be worthy. This film location set was genius in my opinion, as it embellish the old school aesthetic that goes very according to the time and place the events ocurred (1959, New England).

And with the seasons change, our dead poets seek the pleasure not only in the normal teenager hormonal experiences but also in literature, music, arts and friendship. And is the tragedy found in the darkest space of mind that generates the biggest impact.

I met Robert Sean Leonard in Dr. House but ended up falling more in love with him in this movie. Him with Ethan Hawke as Neil and Todd was heartbreaking. Obviously Robert Williams would get two best actor wins with this one. The influence he has as a teacher is shown in most of his students, and the members of our dead poets society are the ones that steal the screen with their strong personalities, postures and adventures.

YES THIS MOVIE IS QUEER. Iykyk. And no, I´m not only talking about Todd and Neil.

As you may have sense it from the beginning, I have a deep connection and appreciation towards this movie and is also in my favorite movies list and comfort movie list (VERY ironic). If you ever decide to watch it, I hope you can share the same feeling I have about it and I would love to know about it.

Take care X.

[austennerdita2533]

Hi Ashlee!!! I hope you're doing well. I'm appealing to your brilliant mind for help with character analysis :) I want to write a japril fic but realize I'm struggling in part because imo Jackson has such an undefined and often inconsistently written personality? Like for seasons he's presented as too detached and remote and retreats whenever things get tough, but then a few seasons ago the writers tell us his problem is that he's too dependent on other people and can't be alone, which is...the exact opposite?! And he's often portrayed as laidback to the point of being not caring and trying hard enough but then suddenly like a week or two later he's all super intense and competitive? And they show him as almost TOO logical and rational to the point of detachment but then he'll be depicted like an episode later as someone who always follows his heart and his instincts?! I'm getting whiplash trying to get a handle on his core traits lol. It's funny with Grey's because their female characters are generally SO vividly, clearly defined and layered yet consistent, while the male characters tend to be either one dimensional or wildly inconsistent. Anyway, any help you can give me is much appreciated!

Hello there, nonnie! I agree with you about how the Grey's writers have written Jackson inconsistently over the course of the show.

I always resonated with his character most when he was depicted as logical/rational and somewhat emotionally detached. That made sense to me, given his background as an Avery and growing up with Catherine as his mother. I'd argue she's not the warmest person. She's focused, intense, and ambitious. A strong personality. A force to be reckoned with. She loves her son, of course, I am not doubting that, but I think it's obvious she raised him to be the sort of person to do what's right, to do what's expected of him, and I feel like that's translated into him having had to brush emotion aside. He was taught that other things were more important. So, in that regard, he would have been brought up to be intense and competitive, right? That's what was expected of him. I feel like Catherine wouldn't have had much patience for emotional-based decision making either, so Jackson would've learned to suppress a lot to survive and be successful. (Which, I'd argue, is something we see over the course of the series already.)

He's always struck me as a more introverted, introspective person, too. Someone who weighs his thoughts and actions. He may be impulsive at times, quick to act in certain scenarios, but only if, logically, he reasons that it's the best course for him in that moment. He's not expressive, either. I feel like he has a difficult time not only identifying his emotions but being able to put them into words until he reaches an epiphany. He intellectualizes long before he allows himself to feel. Ironically, this is why April is such a wonderful complement to him romantically because she ushers him into a state of feeling, into a state of sitting with his emotions. She helps him to confront parts of himself that are uncomfortable, foreign, or scary. She pushes him out of his comfort zone.

[giant-tiny-fiber-friends]

G/T Fiber Arts (In a Nutshell)

This is my attempt to explain what exactly I mean by g/t vibes when it comes to fiber arts. I'm mostly curious if this is a Vibe that other people feel about it, but it just hasn't been talked about so we don't know that we agree? Idk, please hit me up if this at all resonates.

For a quick summary for those who don't know, fiber art is a category of art that uses textiles (yarn, fabric, thread, and in general natural or synthetic fibers). They're a labor of love since a good chunk of them are traditionally, as well as in the modern day, done by hand, though there have been machines invented that can get the job done quickly. Fiber arts include but are not limited to: knitting, crochet, sewing, quilting, embroidery, cross stitch, needlepoint, weaving, spinning, dying (as in yarn or fabric), and many others that I'm sure I'm missing.

Also for those who don't know, g/t is short for giant/tiny and refers to the phenomenon of significant size difference, usually between characters in media. Major mainstream examples include The Iron Giant, Ferngully: The Last Rainforest, Gulliver's Travels, or The Borrowers, to name a few.

I've been into fiber arts for about 14 years as of writing this! I've been a knitter and crocheter for that time, and since the pandemic have become a sewist and quilter. And like most of us, g/t has been with me for pretty much as long as I can remember. I'm by no means an expert in anything I do, but I've been at it for long enough to have a lot of Feelings about where these two interests overlap.

It's a bit hard to put those feelings into words, so apologies in advance if this turns into a bit of a ramble.

Fiber arts aside, I feel like most people in the g/t community are starved enough for proper content that we rely on Vibes to cope. It's about the Feeling of something being big or small, or making you feel big or small, whatever tickles your fancy at the time. The best way I can think to equate this in the fiber art world is: things someone made that I can imagine as being made or used by someone who's big or small.

Those big, chunky blankets people knit with their hands out of really thick merino? Major tiny vibes!

Patchwork clothes or quilts made from teeny amounts of fabric from all different colors and types? Hella giant vibes!

And don't even get me started on no-waste fashion!

I plan on going into further detail in separate posts so this doesn't turn into more of a novel, but I hope this makes sense as a (somewhat) brief overview of how I view G/T Vibes in fiber arts! Do let me know if you agree, and if there are other things that give you The Vibes!

[reorientation]

(This is the "centering" anon - btw, such a fantastic reply, I've been shaking since I saw it.) Slightly veering into real talk, do you think it's realistic to hope for someone who sees all of me? Instead of just someone who seeks to use my lapse in judgement as weakness to control me? I'd like to be controlled but in a sexy way; even in my "I'm a woman" moments (additionally I'm definitely still genderqueer) I can't separate my feminism from that experience of womanhood. Are there men out there wanting this mess of juxtaposition? Everything about what I want feels wrong, and it's ironically resonant to how I felt as a teen. Really tired of feeling this way and hoping for advice on how to engage in a healthy way (instead of constantly feeling drawn to return to anonymous cam sites where I have the best orgasms of my life then panic that the wrong men will find me or expose me). Thanks for your time and for your skill with word-weaving! If you don't feel equipped to answer this, no worries, I know this is probably a Lot.

(Previously)

Okay, a sharp swerve into seriousness: this kind of advice is definitely beyond my personal experience as a cis man (albeit one with many non-cis friends). However, on general principles and based on my knowledge of kink, I think I can offer this:

...do you think it's realistic to hope for someone who sees all of me? ... Are there men out there wanting this mess of juxtaposition?

What you're asking is the wrong question. It's very tempting to add up all your faults and complexities and ask yourself "who's looking for this?" - but people don't fall in love with bundles of abstract attributes, and they also don't add up complexities until hitting some threshold and going "nah, this is too confusing, I'm out".

You find someone who likes you as a person - your sense of humor, your taste in books, the way you smile - and who you like in return, and then you try to make it work. Sometimes it doesn't, due to circumstances or communication problems or personality conflicts or any number of other things. But sometimes it does. And when someone cares about you as a person, they're willing to learn your nuances and contradictions, because they're part of someone who they could come to love.

And as to your situation specifically:

I'd like to be controlled but in a sexy way; even in my "I'm a woman" moments (additionally I'm definitely still genderqueer) I can't separate my feminism from my experience of womanhood.

I'm biased by my experience with disproportionately queer friend groups in a liberal city in the US - so YMMV a lot based on local demographics - but "AFAB genderqueer feminist sub" doesn't seem unusual to me in the slightest, or something that would be a barrier to finding partners! Also, in my experience, people into real-life kink are disproportionately liberal (and nerdy - if you're trying to locate people who are into BDSM without going to a munch, find a D&D group), so the feminism part really shouldn't be a problem.

Gender play specifically requires an understanding partner, but with mutual trust and a bit of explanation, I don't think it's all that taboo or hard to understand - not more than e.g. a feminist woman wanting to be treated like property in the bedroom.

Really tired of feeling this way and hoping for advice on how to engage in a healthy way

As with most things in life, the healthy approach involves spending less time on the internet. If you want a romantic partner, find hobby groups or other social venues. If you want to explore kink specifically, you can visit some munches (non-sexual regular meetups for people involved with kink) to dip your toe in. Pursue things you're interested in by forming personal connections with people who you can trust, and you'll probably find things a lot easier.

[whats-taters-precious]

ok ik this is just a dream but this is actually something I kinda think about a lot: the duality of lotr audience. It might just be me, but it seems more politically diverse than most other audiences. Like, someone saying theyre really into lotr can be met with "lol yeah that makes sense" even in two wildly different contexts. Oh you're catholic homeschooler? yeah I could've guessed you're a lotr nerd. Oh youre a raging homosexual? yep go figure you love lotr.

And I just find that contrast really interesting bc you cant say the same for other fandoms like star wars or marvel. And sure, you could say a lot of leftists and conservatives like those too bc, well, does everyone does. Just like lotr. But no, I don't mean it like that. For marvel and star wars its not a well known thing, like a almost stereotype, that gay people especially like them or that conservatives especially like them, whereas with lotr, at least in my experience, it is like that. As someone who was raised conservative and took a sharp left turn (lol), I feel like I notice it a bit more

a LOT of right, religious, and/or conservative people adore lotr bc it’s a cool fantasy piece that’s also clean and wholesome and—here’s the main attraction for the religious people I mentioned—written by a devout Catholic who ingrained many Christian elements and themes into it. Plus, as Tolkien fought in WWI, it also has a lot of wartime, brothers-in-arms themes, which we all know conservatives are all about. This all makes sense for why it attracts the audience I mentioned. Being a hardcore lotr fan is almost a given in those circles. Ive spent a lot of time in such circles and believe me when I'm talking mega fans

Interestingly enough, I’ve noticed that it also heavily attracts the opposite political spectrum, like leftists and the lgbtq community. Their appeal is a little less clear for me to explain, which is ironic as it’s just as familiar to me as the former but I’ll try my hand at it. It seems like queer ppl like the fantasy genre more than straight ppl (not to get deep but I reckon it has something to do with escaping the unkind realities of this world </3), and lotr is THE fantasy series. Then it unashamedly portrays soft affection between men--and also badass powerful women--which not only is appreciated by ppl who are tired of societal restraints and expectations of gender norms, but it allows ppl to read said affection as romantic if they so wish. Lotr is a story about hanging onto hope and love in the face of darkness, and that's something a lot of queer people resonate with.

and then theres the crossover of these two worlds that may play a part in lotr having two wildly different categories of fans: the individuals that started in the first and hopped over into the second. I fall into this one as do several friends of mine. We grew up in the religious culture where lotr/tolkien was praised by both authority figures and peers, but even after we left that life behind we still clung to the magical land of middle-earth.

idk. i might just be more aware of this duality bc I've experienced both sides--and thus, the power of frequency illusion--but its just an odd experience to witness this shared intense passion for a franchise between two groups of very different people

I was getting coffee with my coworker, who is kind of right-wing and I said jokingly, "You know, I'm awfully leftist," and he said, "Yeah, I figured that the moment I learned you're a fan of the Lord of the Rings."

[stardust-in-my-mind-blog]

so uncomfortable

okay here's a tough question

I'm going to force myself to think about

lightly though and with only my fingertips

when did I become embarrassed for how and why

I choose to love someone?

I know that I try to be thoughtful and considerate with love

my mind is always looking for glimmers of joy

and in love everything sparkles a bit

especially if it's romantic love

just noticed a fly died in my tealight that's awkward

when I choose to love someone

I become aware of them and notice things

I do it naturally but in affection

I love to focus more on the things that bring delight

affection can be the beauty when things are bleak

if the first root stems from childhood

I could never seem to love anyone rightly or enough

to inspire them to keep loving me every day

suddenly their mood would change and I'd be

a stranger they hated or needed to get away from

god I hope I don't make my children feel that way

when I get overwhelmed and my first instinct is to isolate

but I usually explain to them what is happening with me

and reassure them that the situation has me out of sorts

and that I love taking care of them even if I get stressed

they never seem to worry that my love will go away

so I broke that cycle which means now

I have to address it in interpersonal connections

and the truth is that I can only love as me authentically

and value the opinions of people able to receive my love

instead of the projections of those who just can't seem

to find anything right with how I show affection

or think I'm not quite grateful enough for their regard

i fucking thank my alexa ok I know I'm appreciative

my youngest and wildest is named Theo

but at the park he would introduce himself as Io

and then when people called him by this name he gave

he wouldn't answer to it because he was so used

to listening for his given name Theo

he didn't know how to answer to the name he gave himself

I think that's how I feel right now

and people don't usually have to give themself a name

or maybe they do and I just haven't found something I

resonated with yet so I can make the connection to

something that does make sense in my mind

If I haven't been given love in the way that attuned

to my authentic self but only to the self

I constructed to survive the rejection of being myself

then of course I'm terrified of being given love

that will see me entirely and not go away

depending on the day or dysregulated mindset

you can dream of something your entire life

and suddenly feel like freezing or running

the moment you feel like it may approach you

new things are scary even if they are wanted

most of the love I was given was built upon enmeshment

I fell into the patterns easily because they are based

in deep insecurity and manipulation

I broke that cycle in relation to my children

the mother wound determines your inner voice

so now I need to break the cycle in relation

to myself and the people I choose to love

control is not love and healthy boundaries are not control

but loving limits you place around yourself to

protect yourself from enmeshment (ironic)

it's also nice when those are communicated

full moon this weekend in a time for release

moving out of cancer season (whew)

and into leo season and my ascending aspect

is purring and growling in my ear

I'm calling him Firenze or

Novafeltria if she's feeling divinely feminine

my inner royal court of wands

and we all know wands connect us to the creative

sacral cauldrons that forge our passion that is controlled

by the breath of our ever expanding and contracting diaphragm

which is like the function and structure of the iris of the eye

they both adjust the size of the opening (or aperture)

controlling the depth of field or focus of the scene

and how much light is exposed to the focal plane

I think all this means that I have to stop being a filter

or something and just accept my intensity?

I got a little lost in the constellation I was trying to draw

but it still sparkles, doesn't it?

I will sparkle for the right people

and accept that some people just don't like stars

and that's just something they have to deal with, man

[highly-radioactive-nerd]

My full thought arent here so my point is pretty muddled by lack of context, haha. This segment of the article is being pretty charitable to 2014, but this is an article called 'A Call for an End to the Serious Blockbuster.' Godzilla 2014 was often criticized for being boring because it went for a slower pace and moodier tone than PacRim and a bunch of people started saying kaiju films just shouldn't ever try to be 'serious' because they're just dumb, mindless, robot-punching-dinosaur action films. That's the overall sentiment of this article.

It's incredibly reductive thinking and is also just plain wrong. Both kinds of film exist with varying levels of success in the Godzilla property alone. There's room for both. So, as someone who loves these films (perhaps a little too much) I hate articles and tumblr posts like this, pitting the ideas against eachother.

All of this was brought on by some supposed spoilers leaking from a prerelease screening of Godzilla X Kong The New Empire and re-igniting these serious vs silly debates. My general opinion: it doesn't really matter as long as the filmmakers are trying their best to make a genuine, heartfelt kaiju film. It won't work if it's ironic, it will feel soulless. Compare Pacific Rim Uprising to Pacific Rim. The sequel is a fucking empty shell.

I can forgive a film for uneven pacing or choppy characters if it feels like the filmmakers were really trying to make something special. PacRim and Godzilla 14 are both flawed films made by people who love the genre and loved making them. They resonate despite their flaws.

I hope this makes more sense, I just kinda type out whatever I feel in the moment.

“Unlike Godzilla, Pacific Rim doesn’t try to be serious even when it’s being serious. Characters have names like Stacker Pentecost and Hercules Hansen. The film requires you to believe that the best way to battle a giant monster is to build an even larger robot to fight that monster. Much of the Act 2 drama derives from inter-pilot tension airlifted from the Val Kilmer scenes in Top Gun. It’s the polar opposite of the Godzilla school of drama, where everyone is a total professional who has absolutely no personal goal besides Saving The World. In Pacific Rim, Idris Elba is Rinko Kikuchi’s Obi-Wan Kenobi, and two of the last Giant Robot-pilots in the world frequently get into sneering fights over who’s the bigger badass, and Charlie Day is a scientist. So, for all these reasons, Pacific Rim is a movie that I’ve heard perfectly smart people describe as “stupid” or “silly.” The problem with this line of thinking is that, really, that every blockbuster is pretty “silly,” in the context of Things Adults Should Care About. Godzilla is not less stupid than Pacific Rim just because people frown more. […] The difference, I think, is that Pacific Rim glories in its own silliness. There’s a flashback scene where Idris Elba rescues a little girl, and when he emerges from his giant robot, the sun shines upon him like he’s the catharsis in a biblical epic. There’s a moment when one giant robot swings an oil tanker like a sword. Then it grows a sword out of its wrist. Then it falls from space to earth. There are real complaints to make about Pacific Rim, I guess, all of them fair and most of them pedantic. I know a lot of people who have issues with the story. (“Why didn’t they use the wrist-sword earlier?” is a popular one.) Conversely, I don’t really know anyone who minds the story in Godzilla, possibly because everything stupid that happens is prefaced by Frowning Watanabe saying “This is why the stupid thing that’s about to happen makes sense.” Godzilla wants so badly to make sense. Pacific Rim wants so badly for Ron Perlman to wear golden shoes.”

— Darren Franich, “Entertainment Geekly: A call for an end to serious blockbusters” (via rahleighs)

[a-god-in-ruins-rises]

You have a very unique view of the word. I've never heard someone describe debt as sacred. Can you elaborate on that?

i don't know how much more i can say. i'm obviously not saying all debt is equally sacred. some debt can be overbearing and oppressive. i am talking about debt established in good faith and within reasonable limits. i believe this reciprocal relationship forms an enduring bond between two people. i posted that screenshot about the indo-european guest-host relationship because that's sorta what i'm getting at.

say you're an ancient indo-european nobleman. you're travelling a long distance and get caught in a storm. you visit a nearby estate and the owner graciously welcomes you into his home. he, as host, feeds you and offers you dry clothes and he drinks with you and indulges in some conversation. then he gives you a gift for your travels and you leave and continue on your journey with the knowledge you are now indebted to him, grateful for what he's given you. maybe years later that same nobleman stumbles upon your doorstep. with your debt in mind you welcome him into your home and repay him with the same hospitality he showed you.

this was a deeply sacred relationship. and understandably so. it fostered trust in a time when trust could be the difference between life and death. that's why dishonoring this relationship was such an extreme taboo and it was overseen by zeus himself.

i believe that this bond, based on a promise and mutual trust, goes beyond the material transaction itself. it becomes a sacred act that symbolizes the interconnectedness of individuals and their willingness to support each other, especially when the debt is incurred with genuine intentions and maintained responsibly. when approached with sincerity and respect, it resonates with the spiritual values of building relationships and upholding promises. it transcends the mere material benefits and fosters a sense of trust, commitment, and acknowledgment of shared responsibilities while establishing deeper connections.

not to mention the act of repaying debt is itself a spiritual exercise that can be seen as building good moral character since it requires discipline, integrity, and a sense of responsibility in order to uphold your obligations and keep your promises.

even the indo-european concept of sacrifice is based on this idea of reciprocity and debt. you make an offering to the gods as part of the gift-exchange with the hope that at some point in the future they will repay the debt in kind. or maybe the gods will bless you in some way and you will be indebted to them and have to make an offering to them to pay that debt. indebtedness to me just seems to be a perpetual sacred bond that produces greater value in both material and immaterial ways.

in really practical terms, taking a loan can provide you with the capital to allow you to buy a home to raise a family in, to start a business that might make you and your community wealthy, to attain a higher education, etc. things you probably wouldn't be able to do otherwise. and even for governments, it helps provide infrastructure and pays for public services. debt is, ironically, absolutely critical for growth and prosperity. and i appreciate how it is inherently forward thinking. it's always looking to the future, expectantly.

another historical example that means a lot to me personally (and it should mean a lot to you if you're an american), is alexander hamilton's idea of public credit. i guess credit sounds better than debt but still. i would argue this idea was perhaps the sole reason for the union's survival. hamilton understood the deeper value of debt and he made it so the federal government assumed the debt of all the states from the war. this earned the gratitude of the states and made the states invested in future of the nation, and gave them a sense of collective duty thereby making the states more committed and united. it literally strengthened the bonds of the union. and america probably wouldn't be here if that indebtedness never happened. now everyone say "thank you mr. hamilton."

[robobrainmurdermysterytheatre]

I wanted to do something special for Fallout’s 25th anniversary and Great War Day... month... also Falloutober has been happening and I thought I could incorporate that somehow? But I have had a lot going on and there’s 1 day left of October so I’m just going to make this post. I’ve gotten a lot of new followers since I last told this story so I thought it might be worth running my “love letter to Fallout” again.

I think the year Fallout 4 was released is ironic considering I didn’t start playing it until 3 years after its release. I didn’t have a lot of time in 2015 to play video games, because one moment I had an idyllic suburban life with two kids and a dog and I was about to buy a house and then my life, literally overnight, unexpectedly and through no fault of my own, became a nightmare. My family was shattered. The next several years were a living hell. I was broken and depressed and anxious and barely keeping it together enough to be a parent. I was slowly crawling forward, trying to make it to the next day, trying to move toward healing.

In 2018 I picked up Fallout 4 because someone who played another game I was into before this had been talking about it. It sounded like some fun wacky shoot em up post apocalyptic FPS. That’s what I had wanted to play when I downloaded the game.

Instead I got a story that resonated with me so hard there were nights I had to turn off the game, go lay down, try not to cry then cry a lot. I got a story about losing your life and your family but still being alive and trying to make sense of it all. I saw a story about hope, about finding other people in the same situation, on the same journey, linking arms with them and rebuilding your lives together. Rebuilding your world. Maybe even rebuilding it better than it was.

There’s the Moira Brown quote from Fallout 3, which I played later, that sums up that feeling perfectly: “Well, the world broke just like glass. And everyone's trying to put it back together like it was, but it'll never come together the same way... Did you ever try to put a broken piece of glass back together? Even if the pieces fit, you can't make it whole again the way it was. But if you're clever, you can still use the pieces to make other useful things. Maybe even something wonderful, like a mosaic.”

I took it to heart, I took all that to heart. I figured if all these people could weather the apocalypse, if my sole survivor could weather what they went through, I could put on my big boy pants and get on with life. And I did. This silly video game was integral to me healing from a very serious trauma.

The new chapter of this story is I also met my amazing partner through our mutual love of the franchise. They have been an integral part of my healing, and my family’s healing, and I’m so grateful that something like a silly video game could bring us together. We’re building a beautiful life together that I didn’t think was possible eight years ago.

Moira was right, my life is never going to be whole like it was - but I’ve been able to pick up the pieces and make something wonderful.