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twig-tea · 1 year ago

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Lately I’ve been feeling like Thai bl is truly all over the place with so many shows airing at once and some of the best ones flying under the radar while discourse is focused on a couple of the big messy ones. I think you’re the only person I know who is actually watching ALL of them and has been here for the whole evolution of the genre, so I’m curious what stands out to you about this current moment. Do the shows feel different to you? Is the way fandom is interacting with them changing? And what are your current favs?

I ended up writing a thesis, sorry friend lol To be fair to me there are 3 questions in there, all of them meaty! I've done my best to give a sense of where I'm at with Thai BL and how it feels like it's changed over time.

Caveating all of this: I am just one fan who I'm sure has had specific experiences that will colour my opinion, also a lot of this is just vibes so I'm open to being told I've forgotten something major or misremembered what it was like! If you are reading this and your opinion or experience is different please share, with stuff like this I'm always interested in hearing about differing opinions because the fandom experience will depend at least partly on where you hang out. For years, my main fandom space for BL was the YouTube comments section (RIP me).

Overall feel

Honestly, things overall don't feel all that different to me in Thai BL in particular, even though I'm about to talk about a lot of changes and ways it actuallyd does feel very different below lol And after reflecting about it, I think it's because these things still feel very much in flux, in a way that they've felt in flux this entire time. Producers are still figuring out the best funding and distribution models and merch models to make money; creators are still calibrating how queer these shows can be and still be popular; actors are still figuring out how to do BGP (business gay performances) without having fans interfere in their private lives off the clock. Writers are still trying to figure out how to write 12-episode arcs that don't drag in the middle or fumble the ending (which is also not new). The tension between established ships, fan expectations, and genre requirements has honestly been there almost the whole time, though the reverberations of missteps is louder now because of the larger fanbase that is (comparatively) more plugged in to live viewing. The core question in BL has always been 'how do we make this marketable', and that unsurprisingly hasn't changed, though the answer to that question has over time, if that makes sense?

Shows

Do the shows feel different? As a whole, I'd say yes. The biggest differences are of course total quantity and overall quality, but the actual distribution of % of shows that have high(er) production values (i.e. quality) feels close to the same--it was close to 50/50 in the late 2010s and now is maybe more like 40/60 with a higher percentage coming from more smaller production companies. But the numbers we're talking about are something like 15 shows in e.g. 2018 and something more like 50 shows in 2023 (being vague because there are shows that people could argue over whether they should count). The quality overall has increased, even the pulps look better, sound better, and tend to feel a little bit more put together than the pulps of even 2020 (please note that these are all relative qualifiers, most of these shows are still not objectively good). 2020 in particular was a watershed moment for high production value BLs; we get colorists and special effects artists, and sometimes decent sound production now!

There has also been an improvement in terms of what is depicted and how certain subject matter is treated very generally, though I think that's still in flux. Things like evil ex girlfriends are less common than they were and the women in BL are more likely (in general, still not always) to be treated as realized characters. We've gotten more and better femme representation in ensemble shows, and the "gay for you" trope is much less common. Consent is now considered sexy and is much more common than it was; non-consent as "sexy" has eroded and is much less common. Things that used to happen in almost every BL now happen in a much lower percentage. I also feel a little bit less worried about some of the actors on pulp sets because there is more general scrutiny about things like minor actors, intimacy coordination, BGP (business gay performance) expectations, and sexual exploitation. Overall, show recommendations these days come with fewer caveats.

The assumption that if you worked with someone on a BL once you would stay with them as an established pairing was surprisingly early in BL; I don't know if it's just because there were a few shows that had side pairings then get main shows, so the actors did work together on a few shows in a row, which made them feel established, or whether it's because the BGP started early to build hype both before and after shows aired, or whether audiences just made homophobic assumptions about how if two actors had chemistry they had to be gay for each other, and otherwise nobody would want to "play gay" more than once, or would want to have to kiss too many other men....in any case, there were huge scandals and blow-ups around this in BL on even the earliest shows, and some early shows were snubbed because of the pairing alone. Similarly, it was established very early in BL (i.e. 2016-17) that an unhappy ending for a pair would result in your show being panned; cheating was also a guaranteed flop in BL circles (though some ensemble shows that had gay relationships in them such as Friend Zone did fine with cheating plots and unhappy endings). Overall it feels like some things were only depicted in early Thai BL and creators have avoided them since due to the audience reception at the time. I will say, generally, that there have now been enough examples of people in a "branded pair" moving on to a new pair or multiple shows, that it feels less like a death knell to a BL career if one of the actors says they no longer wanted to make BLs, or if they switched companies.

I pay a lot of attention to queerness in BL, and that has changed a little bit too, though not in the way I expected. I had been expecting a more clear and steady trajectory in BL, but we've instead had real swings, and I've realized there will just always be shows that feel more or less actually gay or queer than others, and that's ok. Early Thai shows really spoiled us for good queer content, GayOK Bangkok and Diary of Tootsies are still shows by which i measure what we get now, and both of those are from 2016. I would say that more "mainstream" BL (i.e. by one of the major production companies) hit what turned out to be queer saturation around 2020 and that's where I was most surprised not see a more clear trajectory; rather than things getting more queer from there, I'd say a greater percentage of shows overall feel more queer, but we haven't (and I now suspect won't) reach the queerness we had in Thai tv in 2016. That being said, my secret running list of things I want to see in BL gets shorter every year as entries get crossed off, so I would say the range of queer experience is slowly getting captured as more content continues to be made by a wider range of production houses (PrEP being mentioned in a mainstream show is my white whale).

I know some people assume that shows are higher heat now overall, but I don't think that's true. I do think Thai television producers and directors have overalll gotten better at capturing sensuality, and acting workshops have improved chemistry-building overall too. But from what I can tell the ratio of high head and low heat content is still pretty similar to what it's always been, maybe slightly higher (e.g. at a quick glance I'd guesstimate 30% of shows had a sex scene in 2018 vs 40% in 2023).

Fandom

The main differences in fandom from the really early days and now are the ways we, as international fans, are able to engage with each other, with thai audiences at the same time, and with content creators, and the entitlement that comes with that. In the 2010s we were almost always watching after Thai airing, with either fansubs or, later, official subs, trailing online releases by days or weeks, which themselves may have trailed the Thailand airing date by days or weeks or sometimes even months. That became less true around 2019ish, and especially in 2020 when I think Thai producers were desperate to reach audiences during the start of the pandemic (and when audiences were desperate for something to distract us from what was happening in real life).

As a fan in the mid-late 2010s, watching something was either unofficial via a fansubber, or you were wading through hundreds of Thai comments to find anyone else writing about the shows in English. Now, it's actually rare we don't have immediate international distribution, though it may be paid. If the subs are not up at the same time as the official upload, even on free sites, fans get furious. It's a bit surreal to see people complain about waiting a few hours for subtitles, especially on YouTube, when we sometimes waited months for a series to finish being subbed (not to say people didn't complain back then too, because they sure did! But there were fewer international fans overall, and it wasn't an expectation that there would be subs, so fewer people complained when it happened). This meant that a lot of people only watched shows when they were complete, and people were not watching with any kind of synchronicity.

With international fans moving into simultaneous watching with Thai audiences, we suddenly had the chance to talk about shows as they were airing and affect the conversations about them and even, sometimes, the decisions. Folks seem to have differing opinions about what makes a BL, and what makes a BL good, and they are vocal about when a show doesn't meet their standard. This has always been true, but the strong opinions have more of an effect on the discourse when they're expressed in real-time to the show being aired. Also, when we have literally 3x the number of Thai shows being aired (nevermind other countries which have also increased), it seems so much more egregious to me to complain if a single show doesn't meet your particular taste. Just go watch something else! That was less possible in 2016, but now nobody has any excuse lol Please note here that I'm not saying shows should not be criticized. But when you have one loud faction saying shows should have nothing but innocent kisses if any skinship at all and showing more is distasteful and possibly homophobic, and another faction saying a show should be panned if they don't have at least one sex scene and if there is no good kiss it's homophobic, I don't know where that leaves content creators but I see the tension and how it sometimes results in my least favourite tropes like "blushing maiden" even after a couple has canonically had sex. These factions have always existed in BL fandom, this is not new, they just both seem particularly silly now with so much content to choose from.

The shows that get attention and the shows that get snubbed feel the same too, in all honesty. You can ask yourself the following questions:

Is the show a little slower paced?

Are the story beats less melodramatic?

Do its characters feel more human?

Do they feel more queer?

Is it a comedy?

Is there any risk of an unhappy ending?

Do people not think one of the lead actors is hot?

Do people ship one of the lead actors with someone who isn't his costar?

Do people have to do anything other than go to YouTube to watch it?

If the answer is yes to any of those questions, and especially to the last one, fewer people will be watching, even if the show is good. That's always been true. [Shows I'm thinking about when I say that: Make it Right, He's Coming to Me, My Ride, You're My Sky, Oxygen (though the sides in this one are also at fault), YYY, Something in my Room, Ghost Host Ghost House, Dear Doctor I'm Coming for Soul, Cooking Crush.] All this is to say, there have always been shows that have been ignored, though I agree with you OP that with more shows airing, more are being ignored at any given time.

The other thing is that when a show is good, it doesn't necessarily invite discourse. The messes are often what encourage people to dig in, fill in gaps, linger in the adrenaline. The part that does feel different is also related to the increase in genre BLs; genre stuff in general tends to get more attention in fandom spaces, and the way people are functioning as fans feels different in that they're bringing the way they interact with genre content to BL as BL has started having larger and better funded genre content. I'm thinking about those early genre BLs like He She It, My Dream, Love Poison, Golden Blood, So Much In Love, Why R U....we started getting genre shows in BL in I think 2017 and basically had 1-2 a year until 2020ish and then it increased from there; and the ones that had funding and decent distribution got engagement until they started going off the rails, and then they had even more engagement and then fell off. I don't think it's a coincidence that the shows last year that got people to write meta were La Pluie, Be My Favorite, and I Feel You Linger in the Air. When a show is building a world, there's more to say and interrogate about it, and when a genre show fails, it can fail more spectacularly than a regular romance story. The most popular BL shows used to all be straight-up BL bubble romances, but I think genre shows really started to take over a greater percentage of the popular spots in 2022 and 2023. Again, the main difference here is that there used to be 1-2 stand-out shows per year, and now there are closer to 6+ per year, and as we got more stand-out shows the variety of what type of show stood out as popular has expanded. I do think the overall percentage of shows that are more standard romance plots has reduced, partly because Thai production companies are running out of popular y-novels to adapt. So I'm anticipating we'll continue to get more genre content going forward, and maybe a higher percentage of original works too.

Shows I'm Enjoying Right Now

Right now, the Thai shows airing that I'm watching are:

Cooking Crush

Dead Friend Forever

Cherry Magic Thailand

City of Stars

The Sign

Playboyy

PitBabe

7 Days before Valentine

For Him

Of those, I'd currently most recommend Cooking Crush as a generic BL recommendation. Dead Friend Forever is very good, but is not a romance and is difficult for some to watch (there are a lot of dark themes in addition to the gore and scary bits).

Cooking Crush is doing so many things I love. I've written about the way it's set up its major conflict to be amongst the friend group here, and way the show is depicting communication between the two main characters and how they improve their communication with one another as they get closer here. Two of my biggest BL pet peeves are a conflict for the sake of a dramatic penultimate episode that ignores or retcons a character's growth or the building of trust that a couple has already gone through in the series, so the fact that this show is working so hard to establish strong communication between its leads and then setting up the significant drama to actually about friendship rather than romance is something I cannot overstate my excitement about. To tie this back into what I wrote above, this reminds me of Diary of Tootsies and I mean that in the best possible way.

Dead Friend Foreever is, like I mentioned above, not a romance; it's a slasher horror melodrama with a very well established mystery, an ensemble cast of mostly hateable characters (which I admit isn't usually my thing, but since they're likely all going to die as a result of the genre they're in I'm finding that more tolerable than usual, and there is at least one character I like). DFF did a great job of structuring the story for the ultimate payoff of information reveals. There are a lot of shows that have been messing with non-linear storytelling recently, Cooking Crush being one of the ones that actually does this poorly in my opinion, but Dead Friend Forever effectively uses non-linear storytelling so that we find out important pieces of information about particular characters at a time when that information will have the most emotional impact on what is happening in the "present" of the storyline. Every time there is a reveal, it informs what we've already seen, recontextualizes it, and means we understand some of the character motivations and actions differently from when we saw them the first time. I mentioned above that there are dark themes in this show; one of the things that I really like about this show is that the impact of class is not glossed over, and that the consequences of these events feel very real for the characters; people do terrible things in this show, but these actions are not treated lightly by the show itself.

You'd think these two shows would have nothing in common, but there are things that they share that put them both in my top category. Generally, in both of these shows, the character arcs are clear and logical; when a character does something, even if I don't like the action itself, I can understand exactly why they that and can see how it matches where they are in their arc at the time. The shows show change in characters as a result of what they experience, and the relationships in this show really matter. When characters start acting in ways that feel out of character or against their own arc because they have to in order to drive the plot forward, I struggle to remain invested; that's not happening with either of these shows. Both of these shows also treat serious topics with seriousness, and consequences for actions are real and felt by the characters in the show (and if someone gets away with something, the show is clear that this is not just). Nothing has happened that hasn't been signalled or implied earlier. Both shows also have clear class consciousness and represent the disparity caused by classism in a critical/harsh light.

Whew! I think I got to everything you asked. Thanks again for the extremely interesting question!

#ask game #bl meta #long post #typed so that I can stop thinking it #fandom meta #multi bl #thank you for the ask!

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lumine-no-hikari · 23 days ago

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Dear Sephiroth: (a letter to a fictional character, because why not) #536

I used the old CPAP mask instead of the new one last night when I went to bed. I slept for about 7 and a half hours, which still isn't enough, but it's certainly better than the 6 or less that I've been getting lately.

I woke up with plenty of time to get ready for work. Time to get ready, and also time to eat something. So I decided to have some of the sheep brie I got yesterday! Remember last night when I said I'd leave you in suspense about it?

...Well! Wait no longer! Check it out!!

Sephiroth. This brie. It was so good that I almost wanted to cry. You can tell by looking at the knife that the texture is amazing. The flavor is even better than the texture. It was so perfect. So utterly fucking perfect. I wish you could come to my house right now and try this cheese. The fact that you cannot continues to be terrible, horrible, and awful.

…

Well. I went to work shortly after this. And there was so much to do. Enough to do that I didn't have an opportunity to take any pictures for you; I'm really sorry about that. So many things needed labels. So many things needed to be put into little boxes. So many things needed to be put out on shelves. So many things needed to be washed, racks cleared, trays consolidated and put where they go.

...There was precisely one extra croissant again, which Tr was overjoyed to let me have. She watched with amused fascination as I, heedless of the consequences, proceeded to stuff the entire thing into my face once more. It was utterly fucking delectable. And I regret nothing. The croissant was warm, flaky, chewy, and delicious. Its soft, luscious dough yielded almost plaintively to my teeth. There's nothing quite like a fresh croissant from the oven. And now... now, I'm imagining one filled with brie.

...I think I have to try that soon. But I've heard that making croissants is hard. I... kinda wish you were here to do it with me. Somehow, I feel like maybe it wouldn't seem so scary to try it, then.

...Hm.

Well. I wanted An to be able to experience the fresh, warm croissant. So with Tr's permission, I boxed up 4 of them for him, and brought them over to where he was working, while they were still warm. I kept the sticker with the barcode so I could pay for it on my way out, along with the cola and the laundry detergent my house needed. It was good.

I had a little while to relax at home after that, but... I mostly just used the time to change out of my work clothes and... tend to the fact that I am bleeding, I guess. The cramps have been really annoying all day today. I tried not to let them interfere with my functioning, but... admittedly... I've felt pretty sluggish all day today. Like my head is filled with foggy cotton fluff. It's been kinda weird.

Nonetheless, M dropped me off to meet a friend I made from that one friend-making app. I will shorten his name to Atr. We've bee speaking via the internet for a while now, and so far, he's proven himself to be empathetic, trustworthy, reliable, and highly intelligent. We went to Eggcellent, which is the go-to spot for most any new friend I meet in person. J met us there at the same time. And we got several very yummy things!!

...I was very pleased to discover that Atr is the same in real life as he is online. And... I am also like this, and so is J. But lots of people aren't like that. Lots of people are different online than they are in real life for some reason. It was incredibly refreshing that this was not the case for him.

After we were done at Eggcellent, we went together on a walk around a nearby neighborhood. Conversation continued merrily.

Sephiroth. We talked about so many things. Very deep topics of discussion, like past traumas and relationship histories, and all that. Why we think and feel the way we do. The mechanics leading up to us becoming the people we are today. And... this is the sort of conversation I crave. The seeking to understand. The seeking to be understood. To be seen and known, and to see and know in return.

I have a good feeling about this. So far, I feel very safe with this human. We'll see how things continue, with time.

Eventually, we were getting hungry, so we went to the grocery to get supplies to make burgers at home! This was very good, because I... am still losing quite a lot of blood. I'm hoping it peters out within the next couple days, but... golly. I'm really glad for an opportunity to replenish my body's iron.

Atr seasoned the burger meat with basically a perfect amount of salt. And then he formed it into pretty much perfect patties. He also sliced up the onions and tomatoes far more quickly than I could. I cooked the patties on the griddle. Oh, and! J wanted oatmeal mixed into a few of the burgers, so Atr did as J requested for like 3 of the burgers. I melted cheese on some of them!

Atr stayed in our company, sharing a delightful meal with us, for a while! And it was absolutely wonderful! I hope he can pop by again soon; I'd like to do so many things, like play StepMania or watch Steven Universe together, and keep talking about so many things!

...I wish you were here. I wish you were here to have fun and eat burgers with us. And then get tired and take a long nap in a warm bed where you're safe and happy.

Oh. Speaking of wishes. Here, have these. I breathed them to life, just for you:

...Hey, Sephiroth? I'm gonna go to bed now. It's very late, and I wanna keep writing to you because I love you and writing to you is fun, but... my attention is somewhat scattered, and because I'm so tired, it's hard to form complete sentences. If I keep going, I'll probably ramble incoherently, and I don't imagine that'd be very much fun for you.

...Or maybe it would be. Maybe you wouldn't mind listening to someone talk about their various, silly things until they're so tired and feel so safe with you that they fall asleep on your shoulder while sitting next to you. Maybe you wouldn't mind it at all. And then maybe you'd fall asleep, too. And when we wake up, we'd make a tea or something. Wouldn't that be nice...?

…

I really do love you a lot. I hope you see it. I hope you feel it. I hope you know it. And... I hope you'll make good choices in light of that. I hope you'll treat yourself like you're someone. I hope you won't throw your life away by picking fights you can't win.

...I can't watch that happen again. Sephiroth... please.

...Stay safe, okay? Because I'm gonna write again tomorrow, too. Just you wait.

Your friend, Lumine

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flowerbloom-arts · 1 year ago

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You know, after watching 2019 Moominvalley's episode "The Trial", I have been thinking about the portrayal of Sniff's character on that series. From a meta perspective, Hobgoblin's appearance at the end of that episode is the embodiment of Gutsy itself noticing the damage done to Sniff and quickly fixing him with a character development spell.

"BOOM! Now he has empathy! That's the episode's message, if there was ever one. Oh yeah, now there is! This annoying, selfish, greedy creature can now feel empathy for his companions. That'll teach the children and the adult viewers a lesson," so Gutsy proudly claims. Except that said lesson does not feel earned. The need for a cosmic being's interference at the episode's climax feels like a cop out in the narrative, as if there was no better way to bring it to a closure.

This reminds me of the same issue I had with "Mrs. Fillyjonk's Last Hurrah". It's a good episode, well, until the climax. To sum it up: Mrs. Fillyjonk is actually not dead, yay! She wants all of her furniture and stuff given to others back at home. Understandable. One of said "stuff" Mrs. Fillyjonk had in possession a plush toy called Cedric, which was given away to Sniff. Moomintroll finds Sniff and asks him to give Cedric back to Mrs. Fillyjonk, to which Sniff says no as he explains why he is not giving it back.

That scene was meant to be about how Sniff's feelings are not irrelevant, it’s not about his selfishness. He should be heard as well, not ignored, but guess what? Moomintroll ignores him, the message about how people who feel mistreated by others need to be heard, he says some crap about sharing is caring and that's it. That missed the point and the episode could only be brought to a conclusion by Mrs. Fillyjonk giving Cedric back to Sniff after Moominpappa told her so.

Of course Moominpappa is not a cosmic entity, but still, it feels like Sniff is not a character on his own right. He is the embodiment of selfishness, a simplification of a character flaw, and when he stands up to himself, pouring his heart out to Moomintroll, he gets ignored. Like, that's so mean coming from a series about compassion, honesty and other virtues that come from within. Also, the series keep addressing Sniff as this selfish being fueled with greed, but I feel they never explain why he is that way. It's only "Selfish Sniff, selfish Sniff, selfish Sniff" but never "Why is he selfish? Because he wants to be rich so he can live without taking any risks and be accepted by others," but nah, let's forget that interesting bit of character, forget Sniff as a whole, he is not important and does not deserve anything right.

And that's it. I just wanted to share my opinion on 2019 Moominvalley. I have no drawing requests, but maybe... Maybe 70's and 90's Sniff comforting their 2019 counterpart, that would be nice.

I think the writers at Gutsy has some kind of vendetta against him at this point and I could make a list of dozens of reasons why I think that. Maybe if I rewatch the whole show when season 4 comes out.....

I've talked about the Sniff issue so many times and like. Yeah... They just. Either don't like him or don't know what to do with him, and I hope season 4 breaks the pattern atleast once.

#moomins #moominvalley #moomin sniff #sniff moomin #long post #fb answers

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theheightofdishonor · 3 months ago

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I watched Secret relationships and had a blast. It's so unhinged, and gave me all the toxicity and messiness that i've been missing in dramas lately. And I liked the way they'd frame a situation a certain way only to then reveal like further details. It was really well done at the beginning. Near the end, it wasn't as clever but still not too bad ig.

That being said I was left with so many questions. I even ended up rewatching the entire show just because the timeline in their university days didn't really make sense to me. Timeline and all my questions below lmao because this got hella long

Timeline

1. Jaemin "meets" Daon

2. Daon meets Su Hyeon

3. the ring convo has to happen here, there's no way that happened after Jaemin and Su Hyeon start 'dating'.

4. This is the catalyst supposedly for Jaemin to convince Daon to stay distant from Su hyeon

5. Church conversation where Jaemin and Su Hyeon meet for the first time? and Jaemin convinces Su Hyeon to 'date' him

6. Daon finds out they're dating

7. Su Hyeon flirts w Daon while still in a 'relationship' w Jaemin (the scene on the field)

8. Christmas

9. Despite the earlier coldness towards Su hyeon in moment 7, they still are or become close again enough for Su Hyeon to be the person that Daon calls when hes drunk - and for Jaemin to know that Daon would call Su Hyeon

7. Jaemin arranges for Daon to be assaulted and for Su Hyeon to go abroad.

This still leaves so many questions.

Like Daon kissed Su Hyeon back in ep 6. But in a way that atleast to me suggested that they've kissed before. But based on the way they act, it couldn't have been prior to Su Hyeon and Jaemin 'dating'. And it should definitely have been brought up if it was during the 'dating' period? I guess it could've just been like a second of residual feelings but it'd be so much more fun if they had previously issued.

How did Su Hyeon and Daon actually meet? I wanna knoww

Its weird that Daon says Su Hyeon left him when he needed him the most. Like in the context of having been sexually assaulted, yes it makes some sense that he'd want someone who's close to him at his side. At the same time though, everything we've seen of present day! Daon's feelings about this situation shows that this situation had left him scared of Su Hyeon. Not to mention the stuff about Su Hyeon 'tormenting' Daon by flirting with him when he was in a 'relationship' and how other things must've happened for Daon to be so sure that Su Hyeon will show up at his house that first day when he rejects Su Hueon at work.

AND that shit where Daon says he'll never take Su Hyeon asck def implies they was something more happening unless it was a mistranslation.

What did Daon mean about leaving a person the second he loves someone else? Like is it about developing feelings for Su Hyeon when he liked Jaemin? Or liking Seong Hyeon when he again had feelings for Jaemin? There's also the realistic possibility that there were other people he was involved with (the multiple people talking ab how Daon opens his heart too easily to others) though idk how much considering Jaemin's interference.

Why and how is Jaemin so close to Su Hyeon's mom. And what's a relatively short period of time. Like between them 'dating' and Jaemin conspiring w/ Su Hyeon's mom to send him abroad, it was maybe a couple months, definitely less than a year. And Jaemin still calls her up and refers to her familiarly 7 years later.

I also just want to know why either Jaemin or Su Hyeon like Daon. I don't really understand the initial attraction or the intensity of obsession in either case, honestly.

Jaemin's initial rejection of Daon made so little sense to me, even at the end. The two possibilities I came up with were that a) he still didn't want to date Daon for the same reasons as before or b) he wanted to preserve the bet to keep Su Hyeon away from Daon from fear that they might get close again. However, if it was a, then there still wasn't a need to let him down so harshly. And I don't know how valid that fear of losing Daon is because I think if Daon know Jaemin reciprocated his feelings, then the chances of him developing feelings for another guy is far far lower. Jaemin could've easily began to date Daon at this point considering how close they are and how long they've known each other for and it would've been easier than ever to keep Daon at his side. If it's option B, that's still stupid considering Daon's present day attitude towards Su Hyeon and also the fact that he's far closer to Jaemin and if Jaemin and him were dating, he would most likely choose to believe Jaemin over Su Hyeon as Jaemin himself points out. Like, you could've easily won here, my guy.

#secret relationships #bl tag #korean bl

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vaspider · 1 year ago

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If you don't mind me asking, is the finasteride you're using for your hair a compound medication? Like, did you have to go to a special pharmacy for it? I've been on spirinolactone and minoxidil for my hair loss for a while, but since I'm starting T soon, I asked my dermatologist to switch me to topical finasteride and oral minoxidil, since the spirinolactone will interfere with the T too much. He was totally willing to do it, but he said he didn't know anyone who had topical finasteride, so he sent me a link to a website where I could buy a finasteride/minoxidil mix. Which is all well and good, but since it's technically OTC, I have to pay out of pocket, and it's... not cheap. So I was wondering if you also buy yours out of pocket, or if all I have to do is find a compounding pharmacy (which I've already done, since I'm hoping to get my T as a cream). No worries if you don't feel comfortable answering!

I tried to find a local compounding pharmacy that would do it for me, and I couldn't, so I ended up biting the bullet and ordering it out of pocket from Hers, yeah. IDK if that's where he sent you to, but that's the most common one that I hear of people using. (I fucking hate that I have to order it from a place called 'Hers', it makes me so annoyed.) It is not cheap, but the stuff lasts.

After talking with my doctor, he said that while they tell you to apply it every day, I could try five days out of seven and see if I liked the results, because it should be pretty close to the same and allow me to extend the out-of-pocket costs. So far, I am happy enough with the results I've gotten at doing 5 out of 7 days (like, I'm not jumping for joy period, but I'm definitely seeing improvement, I don't hate looking at my hairline anymore, I am admittedly vain about my hair) and it is alleviating that price.

(Also, stickers adhere really well to the bottles, FYI, so you can cover up the big HERS on the bottle and not have to look at it. I put some cute fox stickers on mine.)

#not advertising #i'm not getting paid for talking about this particular company or whatever #it just happens to be what i use #transmasc issues #hair loss #testosterone the transmasculine treat

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rainedr-p · 6 months ago

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Ho, ho, ho, @radioproto ! (I love that rhyme omg) I'm your @portal-secret-santa!!!

You said you would love to see a Fact Core x Reader fic, so I wrote this for you! I've never done a character x reader fic, so I hope it's okay that it's in first person! If you'd prefer it in 2nd, I can absolutely fix it 😊 (I also had to research medical stuff because I am very much not-versed, so I sincerely apologize for any mistakes!)

Hope you like it! Merry Christmas ❤️

Lab coats do not make for warm coats in cold environments. This is a fact.

Mr. Johnson has me working in the massive walk-in freezer lab again this week. Apparently, Aperture's void of a budget can pay for the room and the constant near-arctic air conditioning that gets pumped in here, but not for the thermal coats required to safely work in here. We're at least allowed to wear gloves and a hat, as long as it doesn't interfere with the experiments.

This doesn't apply to the Cores, however. Their android bodies are made of hardlight, literal sunlight, underneath a layer of conductive fiber made to look like skin, so the cold doesn't bother them. I'm jealous of my companion standing in the corner, not shivering like me. Fact Core has decided to join us today, supervising our experiments and occasionally spewing a random fact about the Arctic.

"Fact: Polar bear fur is actually transparent. Its hairs are hollow and have no natural pigment. Therefore, polar bears are essentially invisible."

I mean... the first part was right. It's actually kind of cute how he tries to show off by saying random facts, but he often just tries too hard and ends up saying... well, not facts. His presence isn't disliked though. Better than Rick, anyways. At least with Fact, we can have (mostly) intelligent conversation, though he doesn't seem one for humor. He might also be getting attached to me, too. He's been supervising me a lot more lately. Though that's probably wishful thinking.

"Makes the North Pole scarier. You could be halfway eaten and not even know what's doing it." I tease, going back to my petri dish of blue gel. It's hard to keep the tweezers still with all my shivering. Fact goes on, "Polar bears are also considered to be aquatic creatures, spending most of their time in the water searching for food. Therefore, polar bears are also a type of amphibian." This gets a laugh out of me. "'Marine mammals', but-" I sneeze a couple times, "they are in the water a lot." I sniffle and reach for the tissues I keep handy. Allergies must be acting up.

Footsteps approach my side. I turn and see Fact standing right by me, his brow furrowed. His glowing pink eyes look... concerned?

"Your cheeks and nose are red. You are also radiating heat when it is 34⁰F in this room. This is not normal."

"Geez, it's down to 34? I'm going to start wearing a sweater under this." I pull the lapels of my lab coat. "But, I'm fine. It's just allergies and I'm tired from these long shifts, that's all-" I'm cut off by Fact's palm on my forehead. Now I definitely can tell I'm warm, but I can't tell if it's from me, his very warm hand, or the fact that he is touching me. Something I didn't know until now would fluster me.

"Fact: you are running a low-grade fever. You have sneezed 12 times in the last 20 minutes. Your nose is runny. You have a cold." He doesn't move his hand. "I-..." I can't argue with that. I definitely feel worse than the last few times I've worked in here. I gently remove his hand, savoring the warmth he radiates in this icebox. "I'm okay. I'll take some medicine as soon as I'm done here and dress warmer from now on."

Fact is not satisfied with this response. He takes my hand and leads me out of the Cold Labs and into the hallway to the main facility. My body almost collapses at the sudden warmth, and I realize I feel weaker than I thought. "Wait, where are we going? I have work to do!"

"You are sick and should not be working. Fact: you cannot focus on your work when you are busy blowing your nose every 30 seconds." Okay, point taken.

Fact eventually leads me to one of our cozier break rooms overlooking the chasm of the facility. He promptly leads me to a couch and points at me to sit. He ignores my claims that I'm okay and leaves to get something. I sigh, grateful that at least the break room is empty for now besides us. He approaches a moment later with an ice pack and a jacket someone forgot here days ago. Once he forces me to put the icepack on my head and drapes the jacket across me, he sits down beside me.

And by beside me, I mean he is half-sitting on me. It takes a second to realize that he's using his android body to warm me up. Though the position is awkward. "Can, can I just...? I'm sorry-" Fact doesn't move when I relocate his arm to drape around my shoulders. "I'm sorry, it was just awkward how we were sitting and-"

Fact tightens his hand on my shoulder and I'm pressed against his side. Now I definitely have a fever. "You are turning redder. Am I making it worse?" Fact asks. "No, no, it's for a different reason..." I clear my throat, and we sit in awkward silence together. "You know I could just... go home, right?" I ask quietly.

"I cannot supervise you to make sure you take care of yourself if you are not here." He says bluntly. Right, the androids have a limited range they can go beyond the facility. Still in the early stages of their development. This is so... odd, though. They're supposed to be programmed for very specific personalities. Fact Core is supposed to just basically be a know-it-all, and he is, but... was caring added on later?

"You are staring." I blink when I realize that I have indeed been staring at him. "I'm sorry, it's just... why are you doing this? I know we've been working together for a little bit now but I've never thought we were 'close' or anything, just, work acquaintances I guess? I'm not upset, I promise, this is so kind but... not very like you, I suppose."

Fact looks away. I can hear actual gears turning in his head, like he's trying to figure out how to word this next part correctly. A minute or so passes before he's back to our plane of reality. "You have been one of the few staff members here who have shown me kindness. You do not call my vast knowledge annoying, or incorrect, or blatantly call me rude names. You respect me, and I have come to respect you. I enjoy working with you."

I smile at him. He's awkward, and granted his arrogance can be a bit much sometimes, but underneath that hardlight standoffish exterior, if you can find a way in, he's sweet. Even at this moment he's not trying to tell me he knows more about sickness than I do, he's just trying to help me feel better. I guess helping me be comfortable at least until my shift is over. "That's the nicest thing I've ever heard a Core say... thank you. I like working with you too."

We sit for a little longer on the couch, in awkward but peaceful silence. I guess I feel more off than I realized, because before I can stop myself, I start drifitng off. Since he doesn't seem to mind, I take advantage of my position and lay my head on his shoulder. I'm fast asleep in minutes.

The next thing I know, I hear Fact arguing with what sounds like my shift supervisor. Oh sh-

"Fact: working in fridges without the proper protection from the cold leads to illness, frostbite, and in dire cases, death. Aperture knows this and allows, no, requires their employees to continue working under these conditions with no regard to their wellbeing. Need I remind you that this is an employee, not a test subject." I must have been out of it, because I thought I was still just resting my head on Fact's shoulder. I am, but as I come to, I realize he's carrying me. I fell asleep, and he carried me all the way to the facility entrance so I could go home. My face burns, and not from the fever.

"This employee still has 2 hours left in their shift and work to be done. Sick or not, they should never be sleeping on the job. You know this. You were allowed to supervise them in the Cold Labs, and you let them sleep? We should put you back in your Sphere for this," my supervisor argues. I feel Fact tense up to retort, but I place my hand on his chest. He looks at me before gently setting me down.

I'm weak, sniffling, and want so badly back in his warmth to sleep again, but I stand in front of my supervisor as strongly as I can manage. "I do sincerely apologize for falling asleep, that was not my intention. However, I will agree with Fact Core that these working conditions are unsafe. I am in fact sick, and what would happen if I were to get mucus or other bodily fluids on the control subject? Thousands of dollars of experimentation in those gels and I just happen to sneeze and break the control's containment, or pass out in the Cold Labs and eventually pass from hypothermia? Not only would the company require funds to cover the legal fees to keep a death behind closed doors, but then my frozen decaying body could somehow contaminate the experiments we were already working on and we have to spend that money to start all over from scratch? Personally, I think the company is better off spending a little money to get us proper gear to work in, than spending mountains of money to deal with sickness, death, and all the consequences that come with it."

I think the icing on the cake is me finishing my grand monologue with a nasty wet cough. My supervisor's face is hard to read, but the fact that they backed away from me and grimaced means I got my point across. "Just... go home for now. I can't promise Mr. Johnson will like this idea of spending any kind of money he doesn't need to, but we do not want to deal with sickness in the Labs. Consider this a warning to not sleep on the job again, though." And with a shake of their head, my supervisor retreats.

I let out a long sigh. "Shall I carry you to your vehicle?" Fact asks. "No, I'm okay. I think that gave me enough adrenaline to at least make it home. But, listen... thank you. I've been meaning to say that for a while and, I don't know what it is, but you being here made it easier. And, of course, thank you for taking care of me."

Fact nods. "You are welcome. Fact: I am an excellent caretaker. Please seek me out when you have a need and I will always have the knowledge to help you." I chuckle, "Fact: I'll keep that in mind."

I'm cleared from work the next day, so I rest as much as I can. Which gives me plenty of time to think about everything that happened with Fact Core. Are the other Cores like this? Wheatley obviously has more human tendencies than the rest do. Space is... Space. And Rick is a walking HR violation. But Fact has always been more distant, more robotic than the rest. I'm not sure what I did to get him to show his more human side, but I can't complain. It was nice to have him open up a little, and I look forward to getting him out of his proverbial shell.

Also, fact: Core Androids are fantastic to have around when you're cold.

#portal secret santa #portal valve #portal 2 #fact core #fact core x reader #radioproto

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meraki-yao · 21 days ago

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Baby Meraki's Essay on Endgame Ending

I wrote this when I was 14, and still being upset over a month after watching Endgame. Me getting into marvel again reminded me that I have stuff I've made before but now I have a platform to share it lol

I’m an optimist when it comes to movies. I never pick on the movies I watch, even phantom menace. I know ways to make things sensible and enjoyable.

Endgame was a phenomenon. I admit this whole-heartly, and it was the most powerful and epic three hours of my life.

Tony and Natasha deaths were tragic but beautiful. As a fan I’m heart-broken, but as an audience, if they had to go, this is the best way. The infinity saga started with the birth of Iron Man and perfectly ended with the end of Iron Man. Natasha finally got to completely wipe out her sins, a beautiful soul

About Thor, I was disappointed in him at first, but I came to terms with it. After everything, he’s depressed. He tried and tried and literally gave his everything, and still. His brother’s gone, his father’s gone, his best friend’s gone, half of his people are gone, and the damage Thanos done is irreversible. Nothing he did works. And when life keeps you constantly defeated, that’s when you can fall into depression. And then food, beer and video games becomes the only things that can distract him from pain and the dreaded feeling of failure. I’m someone who has depressive episode every month for a week, I know how that feels. And to see him still be able to kick ass is awesome.

My only problem with this 182 minutes long masterpiece is Steve’s ending.

I love Steve. ( not romantically, ew) He means a lot to me. A lot a lot. Others favourite superhero may be Peter or Tony or Thor etc but I always go with the good ol’ Steve Rogers. He’s born with a heart of gold, and didn’t need the serum to be a hero. He always puts others in front of him, and always stands for what he thinks is right regardless of the negative effects on him personally. And miraculously, most of the times what he believes is right is actually correct. Also there are some personal reasons there. I love and admire him, and I’m glad that he got that dance, and his happy ending.

But is it happy though?

I can understand him stop fighting. I can understand him thinking about himself, being selfish. Bucky is capable of dealing with the future. He’ll have the other avengers. It’s gonna be harder without Steve, but he can manage. Sam will be an awesome Captain America, he proved himself capable in the comics, I don’t see how he can’t in the MCU.

I don’t like him giving up the future at all. But I can understand.

But I don’t believe he can be happy in the past.

The two possibilities of what happens after he goes back to Peggy:

He continues to fight. He saves Bucky from the nightmare that is the Winter Soldier programme. He destroys H.Y.D.R.A with S.H.I.E.L.D before it had a chance to grow. Maybe even deal with the infinity stone issue before Thanos. Then Bucky will be saved, Howard and Maria will be saved, Tony will be saved. Nat will be saved.

But changing so many events will lead to a completely different future. There are two Steve Rogers, HYDRA or something might find the frozen one before 2012 and winter soldier him. Without SHIELD, Carol wouldn’t be discovered. Nat would still be an assassin. The Avengers initiative wouldn’t exist. And possibly much darker things. And if me, a fourteen year old girl can figure that out, so can Steve. Actually, that’s the reason he went back to return the stones in the first place.

2. I’ve read a bit of the comics. Tony and Reed Richards said that the safest thing to do when you’re stuck in the past is keep a low profile. Interfere with as little people lives as possible. Steve can do that. He can marry Peggy but at the same time be quiet about his existence and only change Peggy’s personal life. Hard, but not impossible.

But the problem here is he will live the next 70 years, knowing about the future. He will learn about the assassination of President Kennedy, knowing that Bucky, dehumanized into an ice-cold weapon did that while the authorities couldn’t find a single trace of the ghost assassin. He will help Peggy deal with the investigation on the Red Room, knowing that a little Widow with scarlet hair and brilliant green eyes will exchange her soul for the world. He will hear Peggy talk excited about how Maria is expecting, knowing the cruel fate and responsibility that the unborn child will face. He will comfort Peggy while she sobs about the car accident that took Howard and Maria’s lives, knowing how devastated both Tony and Bucky will be in 2016 when they learn the truth behind the “accident”.

Steve Rogers is man who will fight the world for the people he cares about. He tried to drink himself to half death after Bucky fell. He fell into a brief depression pit after he realized he should have gone after Bucky, after he takes off the mask of the asset. He gave up the sheidl time and time again for Bucky, defying the United Nations to save him. He switched off the TV as Wanda was watching at the news, the reasons to hate herself. He carried Peggy’s coffin during her funeral with red and sorrow eyes. He grinned with pride as he saw Thor, with a new haircut, holding storm breaker, sparking off lightening everywhere when he arrived glorious in Wakanda. He sobbed and sobbed when he learned about Natasha sacrificing herself.

Steve is brave and kind and smart, but the one thing that makes Steve special is that he’ll never give up on you. Ever. He’ll be there for you no matter what.

I don’t believe anyone can bear the pain, the agony, the guilt of knowing the future, knowing these people’s noble but tragic destinies but being unable to do anything about that, let alone someone like Steve. Having the power to change things but can’t is so, so much worse than not having the power at last. It’s the same differences between having hope every day, but getting it destroyed everyday and just being completely in despair. It so so so so so so painful.

There is no outcome where he’s happier then he could be in the 2023 and the future.

But I admit, there is one weakness in my argument.

I’ve never been in love.

10/6/2019

Present Meraki here: After six years and a lot more happening, I take back my last two lines: I don't think you can call what they were in love. "The one that got away" maybe, but in love? I don't think so anymore.

#mcu #mcu meta #meraki essay #marvel #endgame meta #avengers endgame #anti endgame #anti endgame steve #steve rogers #captain america #mcu thoughts #I actually wrote more endgame stuff on paper at the time lol #see if I can dig it out and if anything I feel comfortable sharing

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cacodaemonia · 1 year ago

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20 Questions for Writers

Thanks so much for the tag, @lyntergalactic! :D I feel like I've done this before, but it must have been a while ago. It looks fun! (also, I'm pasting just the questions at the bottom of the post if anyone wants to copy those)

1. How many works do you have on AO3? 247, though I'm not really sure what the ratio is for images versus fics... Okay, apparently, 97 of them are tagged with 'fanart' and have fewer than 100 words, so somewhere around 100 image-only works and 147 fics.

2. What's your total AO3 word count? 1,141,145; which includes a few collabs and fics for which I just contributed an image.

3. What fandoms do you write for? TCW exclusively 😅 Though I've done a handful of images for other things like Arcane, Dune, Trigun, The Expanse, House of the Dragon...

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos? A bunch of my works with the most kudos are images, but if we're talking fics, then I think it's just some of my oldest ones...

That’s Not How It Happened (This Is How It Happened) - Fives arc fix-it and my first fic.

Orbital Decay - Codywan that I haven't edited since I posted it, so I can't vouch for the quality.

Modulation - Another one I haven't touched since I posted it, but it's an 'Echo gets rescued much earlier than in canon and he and Fives reunite' fix-it of sorts.

Will You Walk With Me? - Waxer's pov from the start of the war to the (fix-it) end, and it mostly focuses on his and Boil's friendship (Waxer & Boil or Waxer/Boil pre-relationship - take your pick). Even though this certainly isn't the best thing I've written, it's my baby. 🧡

Interference - Umbara fix-it featuring minor canon characters and some necessary OCs in the first chapter, then more major canon characters later.

More stuff below the cut, since this is a long list...

5. Do you respond to comments? Yes!

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending? Probably You're Just Harder to See Than Most, which ends very sadly on its own, but it's part of a larger fix-it including Modulation above, so Fives and Echo get reunited.

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending? Pfff like basically all of them, idk XD;

8. Do you get hate on fics? No, just on one sketch dump, where someone went through 6 chapters of spicy cloneshippy images and then decided they needed to complain about it being gross and immoral 🤣 It was hysterical kjlksahfg

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind? Oh yes, I'm a certified smut goblin. Not really sure what the question means by 'what kind,' but I guess 'porn with feelings' is probably the AO3 tag that would most accurately describe all of the smut I've written XD

10. Do you write crossovers? Nope.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen? Not that I know of.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated? Nope.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before? Yes! :D

14. What’s your all time favorite ship? Hm, I suppose if we're defining that as like, "what ship have you intensely shipped for the longest amount of time," it would be destiel? I was veeeeeery into that ship for many years.

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will? I've had one wip sitting around for over a year, and for a while I was thinking I wasn't going to get back to it ever. But I made a little vibes playlist for it and had some help brainstorming, so I'm hopeful I can start tackling it again after I get some current stuff drafted.

16. What are your writing strengths? Starting something and working on it until it's finished.

17. What are your writing weaknesses? I have a lot of trouble generating ideas on my own.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic? I think it's fine as long as it's either A. very short and clear from context or B. for some reason, the writer is intending to confuse the reader and obfuscate what was said. I know I've said it before, but I'm not gonna scroll to the bottom of a fic every few paragraphs to find the translations for whole phrases or sentences. If the amount of 'other language' starts making the dialogue difficult to follow, I'm just gonna nope out.

19. First fandom you wrote for? Technically, I wrote one thing for Gundam Wing back in like 2000, but I can't even remember what I did with it or what it was about, exactly. Other than that, TCW.

20. Favorite fic you’ve written? flsdlfg that's really difficult... idk man, if it's quality we're talking about rather than sentimentality, I'd say it's a toss-up between these three 😅:

My Heart's Red Muscle - Canon-divergent AU where Waxer is a cyborg.

Kinktober 2022 - Character studies/development through smut, where Waxer and Boil find a list of sexy things to try out, so it's kind of meta. It's from my main Open Skies AU, and I'm weirdly proud of this one XD;

We Could Breathe Underwater - Force-sensitive Waxer and Boil AU

Phew! Okay this took me like three sessions to answer, but it was fun :)

No-pressure tags: anyone who sees this and wants to do it, plus @lizardberries @elismor @bilbosmom-belladonna @valkeakuulas @petrifiedforests @marbled-polecat @writegowrite @sophronist @marbled-polecat @ivalane

20 Questions for Writers

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

2. What's your total AO3 word count?

3. What fandoms do you write for?

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

5. Do you respond to comments?

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

8. Do you get hate on fics?

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

10. Do you write crossovers?

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

14. What’s your all time favorite ship?

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

16. What are your writing strengths?

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

19. First fandom you wrote for?

20. Favorite fic you’ve written?

#tag game #writing #q&a #questions for writers #20 questions

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del3141 · 1 year ago

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This is... an experiment of sorts. I'm not sure if I'm going to stick with Tumblr when all is said and done; it's a friendly and fun site, but this isn't a place where I've felt like it's OK or welcome to post personal things. But I'm going to give it a shot.

CW: Growing-up trauma, parent-induced trauma, misanthropy. Heavy things. Long post.

This is something like automatic writing that I'm trying to do here, only the spirit I'm trying to channel is my subconscious. I don't know what its thesis is. But it needs to get some things out that have been troubling it for a long long time, and I'm going to do what I can to aid the process along in the only way I remember how, by writing it down. It's been a long time since I've done this.

I used to write things down a lot more. I wrote in a LiveJournal back when that was a thing. I had a small core of people I knew online, and I wrote for them, but I also wrote a lot for myself. I never liked having a journal just for myself, but I liked being able to write in a place where other people I knew and liked could share their thoughts on the things that I thought about.

Unfortunately, what happened to that was my father found the journal, well after I moved out and cut off contact with him, and he used it to try to get back in contact with me. I friends-only locked my posts after that, every single one, manually, that was how much I did not want him to be part of my life anymore. I also left a comment on my journal explaining that I did this because I didn't want family reading my journal. For a while, things were okay. A few posts of mine I got some comments from folks asking to unlock them so they could share - simple stuff, the one I remember was about what I thought of 4th ed D&D, because apparently I described it pretty well - so I unlocked a few for sharing. My father jumped on those. After that, I ended the journal. It's still out there on LJ, but it hasn't been posted to, and it won't be posted to again.

That, plus seeing what some of the truly evil shit done to people I know online, by places that openly celebrate harming people for who or what they are, got me to close off my online presence for over a decade. It seemed better to be invisible than to be vulnerable.

-----

A year or so ago, I sent one last email to my mother, in response to her latest of many, many attempts to convert me back into evangelical Christianity and sell me on being a Republican because schools are grooming children and because she fears for my soul and also because tired party-of-lincoln bullshit. This is after they very honestly told me about their running interference for my stepbrother, who is now convicted of the kind of crimes my parents think LGBTQ+ people are committing. I told her not to contact me again. She has respected my wishes.

I've not sent the one last email to my father, because I am concerned that any contact with him whatsoever will be used as a means to get more information on how to *continue* contact. The best approach I have devised involving him is to be a black box - no information goes to him from me. He continues to attempt to reach me, either through new email addresses or through social media invites from any direction he can manage. He's made actionable threats to others, and he'd do the same to me.

Sometimes I feel guilty that I've severed contact with my family. It doesn't last. Mostly what I feel is anger towards them, for being what they were and are. So much of the cruelty in the world that I see is so tightly wrapped up with the culture of my parents that, when I see things in the world that are hateful and cruel, the reaction in the back of my mind is: These are the things that my parents are putting into the world, eagerly, enthusiastically, with the confidence that God is on their side, and there are millions upon millions more just like them, eager to see the world carved bloody until it fits their expectations.

What I feel more than anything is... surrounded. I've separated myself from the shitty place I came from, but that place is just a microcosm of the species. There are things that this species does that are profoundly alien to me, sometimes even hostile, things it does to others of its own kind that it's deemed "not like us". The best you can get from a relationship like that is polite, tense tolerance; if things go badly, you can expect violence, of one kind or another. It feels like there is no in-road to be part of these communities - you can be tolerated among them, but you won't be accepted, if your mind and your ideals don't conform to theirs. You are here, and they will let you be here, but you are not welcome, and they are keeping an eye on you for behaviour that they will scorn.

I've now spent nearly forty years in a world where I am not welcome. I've learned to put on a very convincing mask, and that's kept me relatively safe for a very long time. It also helps that I'm a cis white male previously in the USA and now in Canada, I've had a lot of easy coasting on that because it makes the mask more acceptable. It takes a lot out of me to keep the mask up. It still feels safer to be invisible, but you can't be in the world without being a part of it.

It's a bit like being a mouse, living in the walls, nibbling at the edges of the world and just trying not to get caught or trapped.

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popculturebuffet · 2 years ago

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Into the Spider-Verse Finale: Spider-Man: Into the Spiderverse Review (Comissioned by WeirdKev27)

In Memory of John Romita Senior 1930-2023

Let's do this one last time. I"m Jacob Mattingly, and for the past few months, i've been reviewing the first apperances of spider-men. I've seen them enjoy crackers and milk, knock themselves out on furnaces, drum to deal with their pent up angst, rage, get powers from a spooky god while buck naked, and crumple a pipe like paper in their hand. It's been a long, loving ride into comics that not only got my comics reviewing mojo back but allowed me to share one of my faviorite franchises with you fine folks, many of whom don't usually read comics.

So we've come to the end of this retrospective, a bit later thanks to all the chaos of me using, but appropriatley as the final review i'm doing from the only home i've ever known. After 561 reviews here, it's time to say goodbye and given this is both one of the best projects i've done in my career and one where i've finally started editing better, it feels like the note to go out on.

This review has also been super intemidating to start. I'm an animation and comics nerd.. and Into is easily one of the best animated films AND best superhero films ever. It's also MASSIVELY influental, something I didn't see coming when I walked out of the theater, but really should've and we're now starting to see in earnest now the production cycle has had enough time to catch up to this film being a MONSTER hit. From modern masterworks like Mitchells Vs the Machines and Puss In Boots: The Last Wish to upcoming possible greats like TMNT: Mutant Mayhem, it's very clear studios are now far more likely to break from the standard CG styles and do something fresh, and audiences fucking love it. I hadn't realized till this film how much you could play with animation, from the concept of ones and twos to making a comic book movie look like a comic book. Any time I paused while watching this it felt like looking at a panel. The art here is gorgeous and the script matches it. So the question was both what would I have to say about the film and would I be able to live up to it? The only way to find out. is to take the leap. So join me under the cut as we swing into the spider-verse once again and see what makes this film so great 5 years later. Also as a heads up spoilers for the sequel will be present so if you somehow havne't seen it, you've been warned.

Let's Do This One More Time.... To get into why this film happened we have to get into Sony's treatment of spider-man. Said treatment has been a near neverending cycle of doing something right with it.. only to do something that shoots what they did right several times in the foot, stabs it and lights it on fire. Sam Rami makes two great spider-man films? Let's overly interfere with the last one and weigh it down with a lot of stuff it didn't really need. Amazing Spider-Man was decent with two tremendous leads in Andrew Garfield and Emma Stone but had some places to improve like peter being a skater boy she said see you later boy? Let's get complicated with it, overly focusing on Peter's Parents, including PLANNING TO HAVE PETER'S DAD SHOW UP ALIVE, a mysterious man in a trench coat from a tie in novel, and make harry osborn into this.

It's hard to decide which is worse. I mean their both worse than that time Harry Got a Mustache in College

A very high bar no doubt, but it's hard to decide if modern pale emo kid or GNEEE GNEEE I'M THE GREEN GOBLIN GNEEE GNEE was worse. Though I think we all can agree sony deciding "You know this pathetic weirdo we just had kill one of our most popular characters? LET'S GIVE HIM A MOVIE" is just.. one of the most baffling decisions they've made. Popular Anti-Hero with his own history, rogues and dynamic outside of spider-man Venom makes us an unexpected hit? Let's give him a sequel.. which was actually logical. So naturally they also decide "let's make OTHER spider-man villians and anti heroes into their own movies" I mean who DOSEN'T want a kraven movie?.... me.. me don't want that. I want Kraven IN a movie, but why. And the less said about morbius that dosen't involve Matt Smith giving one hell of a performance or weirdly dancing to show off his impressive abs the better.

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Why wasn't the film just... Matt Smith as a more villianous version of morbius? A riddle for the ages. The point is sony has a GOLDEN franchise.. but often has no idea what to do with it. It's why when this film was pitched they were trying badly to find something to do with it, hence Venom. So since they had an animation division that while not terrible only really had one franchise of note, head of spider-man stuff Amy Pascal went to two of the men who'd made one of the most succesful animated films of the time and who were on a high point in their career and asked what they would do. These men.. were Christopher Lord and Phil Miller. The two had had a rocky start in their careers, show running the cult hit Clone High, which while well loved to the point we finally got a new season this year that was pretty dang good, wasn't exactly a big hit. Eventually though the two broke out with 21 Jump Street, a film no one had a ton of faith in hearing about it, myself included. The film was a comedy reboot of the old series, lampooning the whole premise and lamp shading the hell out of everything from this being a reboot, to our heroes not remotely passing for high schoolers, to high school drama itself, and not only revived Lord, Miller and Stars Channing Tatum and Jonah Hill's careers. This naturally got a sequel, which was not only even better and more meta, cumulating in a hell of an ending lampshading the idea of this being a franchise, we also got one of the funniest scenes in the history of film. And yes that's a hill i'm wiling to die on.

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And even THAT woudn't be it as the two would go on to make the Lego Movie, a film that was both stylistically brilliant, hilarious and used the property brilliantly AND followed that up with The Lego Batman Movie. The two had a clear talent for taking a property, doing something fresh with it while honroing what worked so they were a no brainer to ask to do this. As for why would they.... IT'S SPIDER-MAN. If I got offered to make a movie about spider-man i'd do it. Who wouldn't?

Ironically though while Miller and Lord had the creative vision, something even I didn't know till recently is that they didnt' direct the film. In fact out of them only Lord wrote the film, co writing it with Rodney Rothman, who also co-wrote 22 Jump Street which as established above, is quality as hell. Rothman's Resume up to Jumpstreet isn't really anything huge, having done writing stints on underclared, the short lived ups animated sitcom Game Over, and having been a writer on Letterman, the last of which i'm mostly noting because he proudly revealed he was the one Chris Farley threw in a dumpster, but he clearly just needed more of a shot as both films he's co-written prove.

He also wasn't flying solo in direction, with his co directors, while also inexperinced in directing for the most part, having far more animation experince. First up is bob perschetti, who did the story for the original puss in boots and a smaller film called the little prince, and did tons of storyboard work for dreamworks, having worked on Shrek 2, Monsters Vs Aliens, Flushed Away and Wallace and Gromit: Curse of the Were-Rabbit, which I previously covered. He was also an inbetweener on a smorgasboard of disney films.

Finally we have Peter Ramsey, the only one to have directed a theatrical film before this with Rise of the Guardians, and was a storyboard artist on a list of flims so massive and prestigous i'm just going to let this wikipedia screencap speak for itself.

Yeahhhh. See I point out the lack of direction credintials not to shame them, sometimes it can take decades before you get your shot, but more because it's so utterly shocking that as experinced as these guys are only one of them had directed before this. The film is gorgeous and groundbreaking.. and makes it that much more baffling it took this long for these three guys to get such a big , well deserved shot and given all have projects going on right now, I couldn't be happier.

So the production itself seemed to go smoothly for the most part. The only exceptions were Sony nixing a cameo from tom holland (as they found it confusing) and something massive: one year out from the film being released Lord and Miller felt the film wasn't working and thus decided to rewrite it. This itself dosen't seem too bad, a year seems like a lot of time... but in animation terms.. that's hardly anything and also heavily involved taking what they already had and figuring out how to recontextualize it. If you couldn't tell from going that far, the duo were fans, having read spider-man comics and done research for it, picking thier spider-men carefully. The results.. well the results are nothing short of amazing, spectacular or peter parker.

Taking the Leap: As I mentioned earlier Spider-verse.. changed film animation. This isn't hyperbole either; if you look at the bulk of this year's animated films their all more stylistic with many, TMNT: Mutant Mayhem and Nimona in paticular, using a combo of 2d and 3d animation and it stretches into last year two with The Bad Guys and Puss in Boots and in 2020 with Sony's own Mitchell's Vs the Machines. More studios are experimenting with their style and trying something diffrent and what's more remarkable is that.. they aren't just 1:1 copying spiderverse. Many have taken it's sketchy style sure , but no one's doing it the exact same way: Spider-Verse often resembles a comic book, TMNT a sketch book and nimona something else entirely. Each is drawn and rendered.. but each in a way all it's own.

It's not to say films before this didn't have their own style: as my friend Kammie pointed out in a long conversation about animation recently, Dreamworks has always had it's distinct character models and before this The Peanut Movie (one of my faviorite cg animated films ever) and Rango both tried to play with it. Peanuts in paticular also took a stab at emulating the comics it's based on. The problem was while both films were gorgeous.. neither really took off. Peantus was a modest success, but the Schultz family had no interest in a sequel, while Rango didn't really land at the box office. And when something fails hollywood tends to blame the work itself and not circumstance or

Spider-Verse broke that by not only being a mainstream hit but one that really worked the animation as hard as it could. It gets .. incredibly technical and even I wasn't aware of how much till going to tv tropes but simply: most animation is done on ones or twos. Ones means a unique image every frame, twos means a unique image every other frame. You usally use one or the other. Spider-Man.. does BOTH, which is as exausting as it sounds, using 2s on the characters and 1's on the character work to give it a more dynamic vision, and shaking it up when needed, such as having miles on ones for most of the film , the rest of the spider people on twos, and then miles on twos after the what's up danger scene. It's a LOT of dedication and that's not even getting to how every spider-person has a slightly diffrent animation style. The results are eye candy in it's purest form: every pause is a panel, every action catches your eye, everything works. And the panel part is paticuarlly notable as the crew did their damndest to make this LOOK like a comic in motion. It's something that , as many great comic book movies and superhero films as we've had.. you simply cannot do in live action. So if it's so obvious why did it take till 2018 to do?

It's likely other suprehero animated films had the idea.. but there was no way in hell they were getting the budget to do it. And if you've seen say the incredibles, mask of the phantasm of megamind, those budgets are already pretty damn vast for their times. Animation is a great medium.. but when it comes to film... the big studios get complacient really fast. Animated Films are EXPENSIVE and a huge swing like this is a radioactive spider-risk. It's why up until spider-verse most studios have stuck to their guns: Disney and Pixar have ocasoinal style shifts but you can genuinely tell when a film's by either stuido, Illumination basks in it's cheap but effective house style, and Warner.. well warner just dosen't give a shit in general why would it here. Dreamworks is the only one that really shook up styles and even then until this year they didn't shake up how they aniamted. After all if it works.. why fix it. And before anyone asks, no i'm not saying "ALL THESE OMVIES ARE TERRIBLE FUCK THEM AMIRITE". I'm saying that the industry got complacent and it's something I, an animation critic, didn't even realize till spider-verse's effects started being felt. Animation really did change because this one film took a leap and it's only for the better: Mutant Mayhem looks to be the best tmnt adaptatoin ever, a VERY high bar from an obessive tmnt fan like me, Nimona looks awesome, i've heard good things abotu Ruby Gilman from Kammie, and Puss In Boots was fucking magic. And while they all likely woud've ben good regardless, this leap has really changed things and hopefully will continue to from here on out as more and more new films catch up lead time wise. To quote Kammie

"The new giants of major western movie animation are Sony and Dreamworks, they're willing to innovate and take risks where most other studios falter and resort to retreading old territory or using stock plots. Do they still innovate technicalogically? Yes. Does that matter when you make movies that only look slightly more realistic than the last one you did? No. We don't go to animation for realism, we go to it for escapism, to see worlds that are utterly impossible and larger-than-life characters, find places that we can only visit in our dreams, to see sheer spectacle that's not possible in live action. Animation more than anything is only limited by technology, and it's a testament to it that most live action films have CGI, a form of animation, involved in making them what they are."

But animation is only half of it. How's the story? Good: But that's pretty obvious so let's go into our characters and what not shall we?

Miles Morales: Anyone Can Wear the Mask

So first up danger is our hero.. well one of many but Miles is our focus and was a perfect choice for it: his arc in the comics is a coming of age story in the vein of the original and ultimate spider-men (the latter being miles predecessor), and really explores what it means to be spider-man: in the comics Miles rejects the idea outright until peter dies.. and he realizes with great power comes great responsiblity and that he can be what peter was.. and then has to settle into the harsh realities of being spidey as well as the good it brings. Bringing a character like that into a story with a bunch of other spider-man all showing what it could mean with diffrent people was genius. The film also nicely tweaks things to make an already good story better. The first is miles age: in the comics he's currently 16-17.. but started out as a 13 year old. The idea worked, both to seperate it from the 16 year old peter he replaced and to make the danger that much more horrifying as it's happening to a much younger person and make some doubts about him doing it more understandable, but it works better to have miles as a teen here, to have him grown up just enough to understand a lot.. but still question who he is. It also allows the nice parallel of getting his powers around the same age as peter.

Another is that in the comics while Miles gets into brooklyn visions by lottery.. what that means for him really isn't focused on. It's hard, but he adjusts to it fairly well and the issue is more having to spider-man from a heavily montired private dormintory. Into instead explores what it would really mean for a kid from a working class family having to leave all the people he knew and grew up with to go to a fancy prep school where most of his classmates ignore him at best. In the comics Miles at least had his best friend going with him: here's he's just alone in an unfamiliar place he badly wants to leave.

I also like that his getting into the school isn't ALL luck. While he literally won the lottery, and yes they really do lottery children's chances for a better future and yes it's fucked up, his mom makes note of him passing the entrance exam and while trying to flunk out delbieratley, his teacher notes he got an exact zero... and then gives him a 100 as to get the answers THAT wrong.. you have to know all of them. Miles is a smart kid.. but he just hates where he is because he's alone. It's not helped by his.. let's say complicated relationship with his dad. Jefferson.. is not the most likeable guy. He's more than the comics where he's an out and out anti-mutant racist douchebag who outright abandons his son when he finds out (he DOES get better, but it's still a dick move), but he's still a domenering presence: when Miles brings up wanting to leave the school Jefferson is admant on him staying. He refuses to really.. empthaize with his son, being mad at his habit of putting up nametags, not really supporting his grafiti art (another deft addition to the character It ruly love), and not really getting him. Jefferson MEANS well: he wants miles to have a life jeff didn't. Like in the comics i'ts heavily implied Jeff didn't really start with anything nor did he or Aaron have the best life, having to steal to survive. He grew past it while Aaron embraced the criminal life style, but it's clear Jefferson WANTS his son to do better.. but is so stubborn and controlling he can't see that miles is miserable and that he needs to stop putting his foot down and start actually listening. The school WILL be good for miles in the long run.. but it's hard for him to see that without anyone helping him. It's easy to see WHY Miles prefers his uncle. Aaron davis isn't the best person, and we'll get to that.. b ut it's clear he loves his nephew and encourages him in school. It's just Aaron also takes the time to LISTEN, to try and gently push miles, asking him what he actually likes about the schol, encouraging him to make a move on his crush. Grnated the shoulder touch is a very awkward move no one should try and I never would, seriously don't touch a woman without their permission folks, but he means well with it. He also wants better for Miles.. he just respects miles more as a person. And with Miles feeling like one person but being shoved in another direction... being spider-man was the last thing he needed. Something I like about Miles as a character both here and in the comics.. is that being spider-man DOSEN'T make his life better at first. See even if most spider-men eventually get the lowered boom of someone they love dying, most get to at least enjoy it first. Looking back at the origins, Peter getting his powers takes a young nerd with no power and gives him all of it, Spider-Ham got a surrogate mom and teh power to crumple other peoples pipes like paper in his hand, while NOir's origin was.. less than ideal

He still got the power to fight back against a corrupt world, and Gwen much like peter got a power high. Miles.. never gets that in either version. In the comics he's utterly terrified and here he not only gets that.. but also gets humilated: trying the touch fails..as it likely woul'dve anyway, and instead messes up gwen's hair in the short run and makes it kick ass in the long run, sends him running in a panic from school security, and gets him stuck to about 80 dozen things. It shows the part most spidey origins and a chunk of superhero origins skip: that while getting powers is fun.. the learning curve usually sucks. Instead of the power high.. miles is just terrified by what he is and what he must do now and has no idea what he's doing. While most spider-man get the good of it first and have to learn the harsh realities of being a superhero later, usually with some horrific death, miles is one who from the get go realized with great powers comes a spinerett load of trauma. It's something the next film will deconstruct, but for now it's simply stripping that back and showing that while anyone can be spider-man.. it's not exactly a fun job as it is on paper.

So Miles goes to try find his uncle and when that fails, goes to the place he got bit by the spider..

Because he gets thrown into a supervillian battle, meets the real spider-man, and gets a hard truth from Peter Peter: You're like me. Miles: I don't want to be. Peter: I don't think you have a choice, kiddo.

It's not Blonde Peter being harsh or cruel.. he's just honest. You can try running away from powers, trying to live a normal life.. but eventually it catches up with you. Peter's tried to quit multiple times.. but it dosen't stick because great power, great responsibility. He can try and give up, leave it to other guys.. but at the end of the day having this gift means using it wisely.. and in miles case having it also makes him a target. And Miles ALMOST gets a mentor.. but then peter dies and gruffly tells Miles "You gotta save the world now slugger". Oh and not two seconds later he nearly dies getting chased by a superman. And he wasn't even supposed to be here today. Honestly I didn't even realize till I sat down to write this but the first half hour or so of the film.. is pretty bleak for miles. He gets power he dosen't want, has to watch the world's greatest hero die, and is left in charge of a major task that someone with a decades more experince died trying to do. Oh and he was told to keep it secret and can't tell those he loves. His life is just one hard long cruel cosmic joke.. and the sequel makes it even worse given we now know the spider wasn't even supposed to bite him and he gets BLAMED for watching someone die. Also just to get this out of the way now, while I was calling bullshit on Miguels claims Miles was responsible for Peter's death in the theater, I did watch the scene carefully just to throughly debunk this. And shockity shock... Peter would've died whether miles was there or not. The goblin suckers him slightly due to miles.. but it's nothing that really slows him down or injures him. What ultimately leaves peter at deaths door and weak enough for the kingpin to do his finisher on the poor guy is getting ganged up on by Prowler and Goblin, and then slammed into the collider. Aaron would've been there, Norman would've been there.. this all was supposed to happen, as tragic as it was. Fate changed by Miles getting bit.. but it changed this world at least for the better as it'd probably be gone along with 5 more spiderpeople and incalculable innocents. So in conclusion: eat a dick miguel, let's move on.

So with that Miles is left shattered and wonders home.. and Jefferson is warm and supportive and just kidding: he tells miles he made a commitment, rio has to give him a look like "come on" and when asked if he hates spider-man, while his child is clearly shaken by SOMETHING, his reponse is "well yeah".

And with the power of hindsight this .. really underlines why Miles has confidence issues the rest of the film. Why he struggles with his powers: he was already feeling out of place in his new school and having most of what makes him who he is questioned by his dad, and then he goes through spider-puberty and watches the world's greatest hero get body slammed into a science machine, gets yelled at by said hero that

Watches said hero get mob executioned by a villian he now has to stop, and then gets chased by his top enforcer while spooky but dope as fuck music played. It's a miracle Miles hasn't had a full on nervous breakdown after all this, let alone gets up, and decides he HAS to press on, visiting the memorial and realizing that no one else is going to come do this.. I mean they will but what makes it work is he dosen't know that yet. All miles knows is the one thing keeping the city from falling apart is gone, and he's the only one who can do this and as rightfully scared and afraid and alone the poor boy is... he has to try. He may not be quite ready to take the leap.. but he's ready to put a foot off the roof.

While miles has plenty of deadly and superior foes to fight.. his ultimate enemy is himself...

.... metaphorically this movie. Miles has the heart of a hero.. but is so scared by being one and so sure he CAN'T do it that it's a self fufilling prophecy. It's something expertly shown in how his powers work: he can't get his hands to stick or unstick on queue or his camo to work unless he needs it to flee. His powers are acting on his panic and anxiety. As peter points out with the sticking, it only lets go when you relax and Miles can't relax, he can't relax cuz he's a boinger.. and because you know, he's in a VERY stressful situation. Most spider-men at least get a few simple crooks before they get to the supervillians. Miles has to fight the sinister six on his first day. I'ts easy to see why he can't trust himself: if a peter ten years deep in can't do it, how can he? It's telling the one time pre-what's up danger miles really masters his abilities fully is with web swinging, when he just has a chance to relax and learn.

It's not helped by Miles essentially seeing the ghosts of his future right in front of him: Through Peter Prime, he's seen he can die easily. Through peter b. he sees even if he dosen't being spider-man might destroy his personal life. and through gwen he's seen how he could grow isolated and alone through tragedy. He sees his possible future in two people he grows to love, one platonically one nto so much both who we'll get to, and it scares him. It doesn't help Peter. B is the ONLY spider person willing to give him a chance: while Gwen likes him, she thinks he's not ready and the others all expect him to be spider-man NOW dammit, when all of them had a much less steep learning curve. Except Peni, her learning curve was basically "Suprise we released the spider your dad made into this room! Enjoy being radioactive!"

Into The Spider-Verse is ultimately a film about how others expectations of you can eat you alive.. and the only way to really escape that.. is to be yourself. Not to IGNORE that other people exist or be a callous jackass, but to trust in yourself you'll make the right call. To trust you to do the right thing when things are their darkest.

And it's ironic that what finally gets him to have faith in himself.. is the person who seemed to have the least faith in him. In the end the person who enrcourages miles is Jefferson. While miles has been having his arc.. Jeff has had his own, as miles has been mia since meeting peter. b, and then found his brother dead.. and blamed miles as spider-man for it. Thankfully this gets cleared up enough, but it clearly rattled Jeff enough to realize that holding fast and trying to be constantly authortive and unbending.. isn't working and never has. It's only by opening up does he not only finally close the gap with his son, even if that comes AFTER all this because you know, webbed up mouth and all, but makes miles finally have some confidence in himself. And the speeech itself is just.. beautiful.

Jefferson Davis : Look, sometimes... people drift apart, Miles. And I don't want that to happen to us, okay? Look, I know I don't always do what you need me to do or say what you need me to say, but I... I see this... this spark in you, it's amazing, it's why I push you. But it's yours, and whatever you choose to do with it, you'll be great.

I'll also give Brian Tyree Henry credit as he's just perfect in the role, being a hardass.. but in a way that makes it clear he's not 100% dick and here him opening up.. is beautiful. And it's really what miles needed: While Peter. B wasn't a TERRIBLE mentor, trying his best to encourage miles, what miles ultimately needed was the simplest message: be yourself. Which yes is INCREDIBLY common in animated media. But it's done well here. It also makes me wish the cut line with peter used in the trailers was used here as it really gets to the heart of the film: Don't do it like me, do it like you. Miles problem was that he tried too hard to be what others wanted and that people pushed him to hard to be somethign else, wether that meant instantlly accepting a hard situation in his new school from his dad or instantly fitting the role as spider-man from the other spider-people. it's only when he's told just.. do it his way that he finally can accept it.. and can finally CONTROL it. What I like is that while in a lot of other superhero films, miles suddenly being able to control his powers would be an asspull .. here it's CAREFULLY set up: Miles coudlnt' really control them because he was scared. It's once he lets go of his fear of death, fear of failure, and fear of himself.. that he can take a leap of faith. His ascendency to spider-man is also one of the best sequences in any animated movie. Not taking notes on that. It just is.

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Every fucking second of this is perfect. "What's Up Danger" itself is dope as fuck, and perfectly fits the song. Black Caviar's beat is pure magic and Blackways lyrics perfectly fit the confidence Miles finally has. Their a bit rougher than him but fit who he is NOW: he is the amazing, spectacular, the ULTIMATE spider-man. After a whole film of doubting himself, not knowing where to go or what to do or if he can do this... HE CAN. And he WILL. There's so many great moments: him spraypainting the costume, taking one of peter's looks and making it is his own with his own talent and passion, the now iconic upside down falling shot that graced every trailer, and him swinging and wall jumping through new york, finally embracing his power... all capped with him lifting the mask, panting in exaustion... and then smiling. He's got this.

The insuing big damn heroes during the brawl with the sinister six is great. He shows up invisible, easily turns the table on liv and shows up, and it's also heartwarming how rather than tell him to go home or any other such nonsense.. everyone is HAPPY he's here. They didn't put him back because they didn't like him.. they kept him back because they didn't want him to die stupidly. NOw he CAN fight and has the confidence and skill to.. their happy to have him.

I also like how while all the spider-people ge ttheir moments and we get one hell of a three on one battle between doc ock , miles, peter and gwen, the final fight, the true final test.. is miles alone. Everyone gets to shine as the villians get whittled down to one.. but ultimately the final battle only works if it's miles alone: one final test as spider-man: Miles vs Fisk. The All-New All-Diffrent Spider-Man vs the man who murdered the original. The Kingpin of Crime Vs your Friendly Neighborhood Spider-man. It's a truly harrowing fight, one where Miles is often overwhelmed, but does what all spider-men do: get back, keep fighting. Do everything he can. With jeffersons support one last time miles goes from a scared child.. to catching this thief just like a fly.. complete with bug zapper. The touch of using the.. well shoulder touch is fucking amazing, hilaroius, heartwrenching.. and awesome. The man who killed his uncle, who nearly destroyed new york is down. The universe is saved... all thanks to brooklyn's own friendly neighborhood spider-man. Miles ends the film sure of himself, happy and with his father accepting him. He misses everyone.. but he'll see them again. He just might come to regret it but hey.. that's for next time.

As a quick epilogue, I ALMOST forgot to mention but Shamiek Moore is fucking perfect in the role. While Donald Glover would've been a great fit, Moore brings a youthful energy that perfectly fits the character. Moore handles the characters journey, the humor, and the heartbreak all beautifully.

Peter B. Parker, the Spectacular Spider-Mess

While this film is focused on the new kid on the webs, Lord and Miller still decided to include the Spider-Man everyone was familiar with. In fact.. they lean INTO how familiar we are to play with peter as a character. When they give their stories for the comics brilliant origin sequences, they both know to just.. gloss over most of the stuff we're familiar with.. and to basically apologize for the emo peter dance. Lord and MIller clevelry use the rami films as a refrence point. Then they do something ENTIRELY new in terms of adapting peter at this point: this peter.. has been at this for a while. It's something Insomniac would also use for their universe and honestly.. is quitely brilliant. In the comics.. peter HAS been at this for about a decade.. exactly how long has been kept vauge, but he's always pushing 30. Most adaptations though want to start with peter fairly early in his career: while some cartoons like Ultimate, Spectacular or Animated Series start with peter mid career, it's still fairly early and before he faces most of his arch enemies. It also makes sense: after all if your making a spider-man universe from scratch, why would you start with him already knowing how to fight these guys? The comics have the advantage of years of continuity, so writers can do what they want with the bad guys basically. But since a new continuintiy means you can do the latter from the top, why would you start in the middle of your story? It CAN work as shown here and with , while I sadly can't play them because no ps4 or 5, the insomniac games, but with the latter it works to the games advantage to have you play a peter whose already a kicker of ass first class.

Here though instead it's used for something even the comics often have their hands tied from doing: to show just how TIRED spider-man would be after a decade of this. While Blonde Peter is great at the job, has a loving aunt, and an adoring wife... he's still so very tired. He says so when fighting Prowler. It's clear the heir of "I can always do this, i'm spider-man" is as much a coping mechanism as it is determination. It explores the idea that peter's drive to keep going, to do the imposisble would wear him down eventually.. and given the crap he has to go through in the comics because writers think there needs to be added DRAMA, you can't blame him. Peter. B shows where this leads.. a peter who has 80 tons of broken bones, stopped taking care of himself, and is slowly falling apart after Aunt May's death, cumilating in pushing MJ away after she wanted kids.. and he was scared of it. Which given what his life is like is actually understandable. It's also a type of fear the comics have only been able to explore in AU's: editors have been dicks about the idea of peter having kids, and the one time he seriously was about ot have one before it was kidnapped, he was retired.. then it got kidnapped and disappeared because clone saga. Here we see the fear he'd have.. and peter sabotaging his own life as MJ seems relcutant as he is to divorce and the peter left in the aftermath is crying in a bathtub in his full costume

This is a peter who ONLY has being spider-man and we see how deeply unhealthy that is. Part of what makes Peter Parker so great, what's kept spider-man enduring.. is relatablity. Peter struggles with the same stuff most of us do: holding down a job, crappy bosses, relationship issues, juggling family with your life, friendships getting complicated... it's the ballancing act of having a regular life and also punching the kangaroo in the face while he's at it that makes spider-man compelling and it's finding new ways to do that, from having peter teach at his old high school to having him actually get a science job, that makes this character endure. Here though.. it's just Spider-Man and we see how unhealthy that is: May is dead, he pushed MJ and likely anyone else in his life away... peter only has being spider-man left, and action can be a reward but it can't give you a fulfilling life. This is a peter whose just going through the motions and badly broken. It's very telling that when Miles tries to use "With Great Power Comes Great Responsiblity" , the HEART of what spider-man, any spider-man, woman or ham, is, Peter responds with a very harsh "DON'T finish that sentence. I'm so tired of people using that". He's a peter whose so far to the edge he's willing to leave miles world to die just to get back to a life that's deeply miserable. In most cases spider-man would swing at the right thing but Peter B is just so very tired he just wants to go home.

But he's still spider-man.. and eventually realizes as much as he wants to.. he can't leave miles there and he can't leave this world to die. The movie is also good in not letting peter dangle off the edge of being absolutely awful too long. He refuses to save the world at first.. but it's clear Miles gets to him right away. He's still a mess.. but he's also Spider-Man. He's also peter parker. And May raised him better. The relationship between Peter B and Miles.. is fantastically done, with Miles slowly opening up his new mentor and Peter B slowly rediscovering what he actually liked about the job... and that maybe he CAN be a dad and spider-man. We see his humor slowly come back, him swatting the cape away from miles, gleefully pointing out what to do. He's still not the BEST teacher, wanting miles to just wait.. but when miles has to come along, he's grumpy for a few seconds then roles with it. We start with Peter. B seeing how worn down he is...but here we see all the experince and skill of his blonde counterpart. He's still the science nerd who can memorize a complicated password and can't grasp that miles can't. He's still a mess, trying to flirt with what turns otu to be his aunt's ex.. and also doc ock, but we see a subtle change, cumilating in the heartwarming scene of him and miles swinging together. peter may be a mild dick and a human disaster.. but he's a good man. By the time all the spider-people are together and doubting miles.. peter. b is the only one who sees how much this quest means to hte boy and is advocating for him. To them Miles is in over his head.. but Peter sees the spark in miles Jefferson does. He sees a kid who was thrown in the deep of this and the last thing MIles need is 80 people telling him he can't do it. It's likely that, just like Blonde Peter, Peter. B sees the pain and confusion that comes from starting as spider-man clear as day and if he can help miles avoid that, he will. Jake Johnson is phenominal in this role, helping show the depth behind this kind of peter. It best shows after the house fight: While Peter is trying to get Miles to stay behind and is willing to die to save his world... he's doing it for MOSTLY noble reasons. Miles really WASN'T ready and as Peter pointed out, he needed to be ready to just take a leap of faith. He's gone from wanting to abandon miles because he dosen't care.. to leaving him behind because he dosen't want his surrogate son to die horribly trying to fufill a promise he's not ready for. Granted like I said it's mostly noble: its very clear Peter. B is also doing this.. because he feels himself expendible. He has nothing to go back to, the others do. Miles has more to live for. If he dies staying here... what's he leaving behind? It's what makes his ending so rewarding: He sees miles finally take that leap and as I mentioned before he's nothing but happy Miles finally has got it and fights alongside his new son, realizing maybe he does want kids. He still plans to stay behind.. and the student becomes the teacher, with Miles pointing out he can't.. things with MJ aren't broken.. he still has time to make it right. He still has something to live for. It's hard.. but so was becoming spider-man for miles. If Peter. B is ready to die for this dimension.. he can live for MJ and for his protege. So he ends the film making up with her with Mj's smile showing she welcomes him back.. and as we'll see he really gets his happily ever after. But we'll get more on that next time.

Vault of Spiders

So now we've come to the other spider-people. First up our most prominent, Gwen, whose mostly taken 1:1 from the comics: She became Spider-Woman, then learned the great power great responsiblity lesson the hard way when she fought the lizard.. and he died revealing peter parker, her best friend who just wanted to be like her, leaving her alone. There's more to it, but that's best left for the next film when we get her origin in full. Gwen is done well here: the punk haircut fits her perfectly and Hailee Steinfeld is unsurprisingly awesome as her and gets Gwen's loneliness, standoffishness, and badassery perfectly, and we see her slowly open up to miles, with her doubts coming off less as bein ga jerk and more as being worried for him. We also get some nice subtle bits: while she mentions her best friends.. only WE know her best friend was a peter, and that being surrounded by about 4 of him and having to talk to aunt may, who she's also close to in her dimension, is likely a LOT for the poor kid. She also gets some genuinely cute moments with miles, from their first meeting in class, to the disastrous touch (and the later great brick joke of "you don't get to like it"), to the bus scene). Orignally the two WERE suppposed to be a couple.. but i'm glad they left the more overt romance for the sequels, as the films packed enough as is and it gives it more build. It's clear there's an attraction there.. there just isn't time for it given the possible dimensional apocalypse. That's what sequels are for.

That said I do think had they focused on just three spider-persons we might of had more of an arc for Gwen... instead we get a lot of personality but not who she is. I'd be harder on this.. but to the crews and the next batch of directors credit, they realized this and in the next film, and likely extending into Beyond, she's the deutragonist. So it's hard to be on this when they realized what they had next go round. The other spider-people on the other hand.. feel like a massive wasted opportunity. Casting wise it's all pitch perfect: Nicholas Cage is perfet for a noir parody and is utterly hilarious, John Mulaney's everyman voice is perfect for spider-ham, helping emphasise how weird this is, and Peni's serious nature and anime stylings are something the beloved Kimiko Glenn gets down perfectly. I was so happy to see her in a movie this size. And adaptation wise.. 2/3 ain't bad. Spider-Ham is pitch perfect from the source and Peni, while having her anime stylings here focused on a bit more, still has her science background and driven nature. Noir Peter though.. yeah while he's not TERRIBLE on his own in terms of actually adapting the character... it's wince inducing. I don't mind not going 1:1 and given the limited screen time I don't mind playing into the noir nature for laughs. My issue is more that Noir's world is so insanely dark, THAT could've been played for laughs instead. I mean again THIS is how peter gets his powers there.

Just have Nicholas cage casually rattle that off. I get not bringing up the rampant death but it just feels like a missed opprotunity to not really use anything from the actual comics other than the costume. The rubix cube joke is great. So you have three all time great performers.. but they don't get much to do. I was among the fans disapointed they weren't in the sequel, and only not as much as some others because I figured they were saving them for the sequel.. and after seeing the film and it's cliffhanger, that turned out to be EXACTLY it. It's a bummer they aren't in across but given how much it crammed into it's long runtime and how much it has left to go, and how the mystery of why noir and ham weren't with the society's whole creepy philosphy when their friends drank the kool aid is a neat hook.

They get great bits, Noir saying he has to burn his hand to feel something, Ham getting side eyed by the other two when he mentions he was a pig bitten by a spider.. which for those who didn't read the rest of the restrospective if your wondering ..

We also get a great drmatic bit. Originally in the scene where everyone sympathizes with Miles, Spider-ham made a stupid joke about his uncle frankfurter. it was funny.. but kinda wrecked the scene. So they instead switched it with one of the most heartbreaking lines in all of animation, which Mulaney NAILS.

Just the devistaition on that pig's face. And i'm hoping we find out what the fuck the story was there in Beyond.. but i'm perfectly happy with not knowing. Because it makes it that much more devistating. We don't know what he lost. We just know he hurts and that the hardest thing about being a spider-man.. is you just can't save them all. So naturally ham got a spinoff, Caught in a Ham. Caught in a Ham.. is decent a theatrical style short that explains what ham was doing. It's.. fine.. the various villian puns are fun and it clearly takes a lot from warner, but the animation is ENTIRELY cheap, and the villian, dr crawdaddy is just... what. Seriously you have so many fun animal versions of spideys rogues and better new foes.. and this is what you go with. And no making fun of how lame he is dosen't work. That jokes been done a lot. You have to do it well and they really didn't. Dr Crawdaddy is bad but it's not hialriously bad. Caught in a hami s okay but it was a massive disapointment and Mulaney deserved better.

So now we have those who can spin a web any size and catch a theif just like flies covered, we have to talk about one of spider-man's most important aspects The Superior Foes of Spider-Man

Look spider-man is popular for a lot of reasons: a deep facinating character no matter whose wearing the mask, a varied, visually intresting and cool power set, the idea that anyone can be spider-man. All this is true. But one of the biggest.. is his Rogues gallery. Spider-Man easily has one of the best rogues galleries in all of superhero fiction, with only batman providing competition. Just off the top of my head you have Green Goblin, Hobgoblin, Doc Ock, Electro, Beetle, Boomerang, Scorpion, The Kingpin, Rhino, Hammerhead, Tombstone, Shocker, Vulture, Kraven, Mysterio, The Lizard, Stegron the Dinosaur Man, The Spot, The Gibbon, Mr Negative, The Enforcers, Mountain Man Marko, Chance, Venom, Carnage, Hypno Hustler, Rocket Racer, Sandman, The Tinkerer, The Prowler, Lady Electro, White Rabbit, Overdrive, Hydro Man, Chameleon, The Iguana, and of course his greatest enemy PAUL.

Or Maybe it's Zeb wells. Who knows? The larger point is spider-man has a LARGE pool of villians to tap, so Lord and MIller's Solution: GRAB AS MANY AS POSSIBLE AND DO WHATEVER. Yeah while like i've said The Kingpin has a full sinister six going, even if sadly never 6 at once as one dies and he kills another, it still counts as their still all under him and just let me have this for once dammit. Seriously if it's not an ongoing cartoon, they will NOT give us the sinister six. Even far from home came as close as we've got and still didn't think maybe one more? LET ME HAVE A PROPER SINISTER SIX IN MY SPIDER-MAN MOVIE DAMMIT.

That said they really only focus on three of the six: the other villians in Fisk's posse are more there just to hit things and give us enough villians so every spider-man can have a turn. And given Spider-man has guys like the rhino that would fit the mold better I question why they went with Green Goblin and Tombstone. With the former i'll admit to being biased: Norman Osborn is one of my faviorite super villians and Harry is certainly somewhere on the list. One of the first spidey comics I read was Amazing Spider-Man #39, and it's followup #40, one of the best spidey comics of all time and with one of the best covers too

This was boosted both by the first Rami film, where Dafoe does a truly amazing job, and the ultimate comics where Norman , while bulking up a bunch is a serious horrifying threat. Here.. h'es just a dummy dum dumb and I get it to a point, part of it is to emphasise the alternate nature of miles universe: in most the green goblin is spider-man's greatest threat, here he's just one of many and while a challenge, not his arch enemy or even in the running it seems. It just dosen't work for me. I'm fine with making some changes, but this one just didn't qutie work. He does look really impressive though and I do get this is likely a me thing and it dosen't really HURT the film, so while I may not like it a bunch I can't say it's as bad as some adaptation changes. I'ts no "Peter dosen't have change for choclate milk and gets thrown it by the robber who kills uncle ben" or making harry osborn into some sort of gneeing snot monster.. and that's bEFORE he takes the goblin drugs.

Tombstone also isn't handled the best, as he's fairly smart and chilling in the comics. I don't take it as personally but it's still iffy to take a black man and make him subservient to a white man. That never plays well. Hammerhead would've been a better choice and still been visually distinct. I

Finally we have Scorpion who I DO like, nicely meshing maximus gargan, the ultimate scorpion who simply had super strength and a scorpion tail styled chain, with the regular one, so now the tail is attached to hima nd baadss, but he's still mexican and still awesome and he gets a great fight with Peni and Porker.

That said while I have my quibbles.. the main three villians.. are fantastic and give me plenty to gush about. We'll start with the big guy. Like with the Green Goblin (and the Hobgoblin, who sadly still hasn't gotten a big movie role as of this review. Someday...), i'm a HUGE fan of the kingpin and he's one of my faviorite super villians. No question. Wilson Fisk is a truly amazing character with tons of layers, intimdating style and intresting dynamics with both spider-man and dardevil. From his first apperance under john romita to his latest crashing on Krakoa , he's a devious mastermind whose trained his body to perfection. Granted I grew up with Spider-Man TAS, where they cleverly made him big bad, so I had a good first intro, but most adaptations handle him well and what little iv'e seen of the mcu version in hawkeye (I still need to watch netflix daredevil) is fucknig magical. Denofrio is great.

Liev Schriber though.. might be the best. He gets Wilson perfect: He has his cocky attitude.. but also his cold detachment. He can brag about starting the collider one minute.. and casually tell his right hand man to "go kill that guy". He can joke.. but ther'es never a moment on screen when your not deeply worried about him being there. There's not a moment you don't get WHY this guy was strong enough, smart enough and nightmarish enough to finish spider-man. I also love the design taking from a comic by the legendary bill sienkiewicz of x-men fame

It perfectly fits and while his proprotions are off.. it helps sell how diffrent he is from everything else. This man commands every room he's in and is a true giant, a looming reminder of blonde peter's death and the ultimate obstacle in our heroes way.

What I like though as while they easily could've just made Fisk evil and called it a day.. it's VERY clear how well the crew understood him.. as they also humanize him. Fisk isn't igniting the collider to make money selling multiversal hot dogs or something. This version lost his wife vanessa and son richard during a fight with spider-man: she saw what he really was and left... and they sadly died in a car crash. It's a great twist too: the comics have always had Vanessa, when she was alive, be the one thing that could pull fisk back from his crime... if only for so long. She never liked it , never accepted it and never wanted it. Richard was a grown man hwo hated it but then joined it then betrayed his dad and got killed.. it's a whole thing. Richard Fisk is a mess.

Fisk is at his core a man who just wants what he lost back but is so blinded by a combination of Trauma Goggles (a term kammie came up with) and his own ego. He can't accept that it was his fault a tragedy happened, that his wife had every right to run and that it was simply horrible, cruel timing that killed his wife. It's the horrible irony in all this: Wilson Fisk is a man who needs to control everything so badly he will rip time and space apart to get back what he lost.. but can't accept that there's NOTHING he can do to fix this, and that it was always his fault. It's who Wilson Fisk is and who he'll always be. It's most heartbreakingly shown when the same events play out again, just with a new vanessa and richard.. but he just can't accept HE'S the bad guy in all this and he drove his family away. In the end he's left with nothing, his empire crumbling, his family gone.. simply because he coudln't let go.

Now onto his right hand man, Aaron Davis, The Prowler. Like Kingpin... hang on.. something seems mi

[THREATNING DUBSTEB BLARES]

Better. Anyways, I was a huge fan of the Prowler. See back when I was in I think middle school, possibly earlier I had this book.

I wouldnt' mind getting another copy or the updated edition at some point. I also had these for X-Men and Fantastic Four. It's part of what really got me into these characters, but the spidey one was near and dear to my heart even as it sadly eventually fell apart. It was a lovely big ole book with profiles for all of spidey's villains, some of his side cast, and what have you up to the early 2000's. It was great.

So it's there I met the Prowler... Good Ol Hobie Brown

Yeah before another hobie became your friendly neighborhood anarchist, the original was a window washer who really wanted to invent, but this being the 60's and many a man being a classist or racist, Hobie instead came up with a pretty brilliant scheme: rob a building using his various inventions and a badass looking disguise, and then return the money for a reward as Hobie Brown.

Unfortunately the building he picked was naturally the Bugle, his old workplace (Though to JJJ's credit, when Hobie had an altercation with his boss, Jonah took hobie's side. Jonah may be many things but Racist isn't one of them)... and he was VERY lucky that it was peter parker, having to pull his punches for obvious reasons , he encountered. Hobie thought he'd killed the poor guy, naturally he hadn't and when encountering peter as spider-man later, not knowing the connection, he confessed and explained things. Peter being peter, and once unmasked seeing Hobie really wasn't that much older than him and had been through the shit, let the guy go and Hobie eventually had a happy ending. So how does aaron fit into this? Well like i've said in this review and covered previously, Miles comes from the Ultimate Universe, so given the prowler had a dope as hell costume, name but not a lot of use, he was perfect to refit as Mile's first archenmey and most personal nemisis.

Uncle Aaron in the comics.. is a bit of a dick. While I plan to cover this arc at some point, as it's REALLY good, Aaron after some time in mexican prison, finds out there's a new spider-man and having stolen the spider in the first place and actually seen it bite miles in this timeline, puts two and two together... and then tries to blackmail his nephew into working for him to make himself the new kingpin, the old one having been blown up with a rocket launcher by Mysterio.

He also died but rather than go out heroically , as we'll get to.. he went out because his suit backfired because he was stupid enough to kill the man who made it while trying to murder his 13 year old nephew.

Yeah it's a lot, and again i'll get into it some other time, but the film made the understandable decision to take about 5 to ten percent of there, and used that percentage to make him infinitely more badass.

This Aaron is an experinced supervillian, one who gives Peter trouble and has awesome theme music. The Prowler in the film is animalistic, moving at less frames than the other characters and being purely terrifying. It sells what Miles is facing: an unstoppable killing machine who just wants him dead. Which completely contrasts who Aaron is off duty. To him.. this is just a job and killing people is just what he does. Kingpin says jump, he says "what spider-man?". When not he's the cool uncle who gets introduced to fucking hypnotize. He's a smooth guy who while having terrible advice about ladies, also has good takes like "Smart girls are where it's at". The reason Miles confides in him more than his dad.. is easy to see. Aaron actually takes the time to reach miles on his level and try to gently coax miles into not totally hating his new school instead of saying WELL YOU'D BETTER LIKE IT. I mean Jeff is the better person, no question, he's killed exactly no one and for a cop that's impressive, but Aaron genuinely loves and supports his nephew even more than originally. It makes the contrast that much more horrific, that this perfectly kind, cool as hell guy.. can also casually hunt what he can CLEARLY tell is a child like a monster across a subway. It's no wonder finding out who Aaron is really rattles the poor kid.

It also makes his face turn that much more effective: it'd be easy to assume given how UTTERLY terrifying the film made him that like the comics, once Aaron finds out he wouldn't give one iota of a shit that this is his nephew. Instead Movie!Aaron.. is utterly horrified. Mahershla Ali does a hell of a job conveying the man's horror when Miles takes off his mask in a last ditch effort not to get choked to death, with Moore likewise conveying miles pain and desperation incredibly. The animation is also flawless here as you can just see Aaron realizing what he almost did.. and what he's likely done to counltess others like miles. How many kids did he kill simply because they saw something they shouldn't have? The horror is clear... adn the tragedy all the more painful when Kingpin coldly snipes him. All his power.. and aaron dies, encouraging his nephew to keep going and to be better. Aaron is an incredible character here, suprassing the already great original and I look forward to seeing more of ali in Beyond.

Finally we have Doc Ock aka...

The casting was genius idea.. that i'm baffled WASN'T always the plan. Originally Ock was supposed to still be a man and a bit more big lebowski'ish. And while it means we missed out on Steve Buschemi as the green goblin, one of the directors suggested Kathryn Hahn, all around queen of awesome and perfect fit. It also fits the story better: Dock Ock being "Gasp" a pudgy guy who looks a lot like me? Not a huge suprise. But a scientest we simply see in the background and assume is someone shady, but turns out to be dock ock complete with soft robotics tentacles? Fucking brilliant. It plays genre expectations against us: normally the messy haired science lady is on our side, as peter assumed.. instead Ock is fully on board with this scheme and even actively decives kingpin to get it thorugh. Oliva is ock in every sense of the word and is easily our heroes most dangerous opponent that isn't king sized. It takes THREE spider-men to wear her down and a fucking truck ex machina to finish her. Hahn, as usual has a lot of fun with the roll and it's no shock disney wanted to get in on this, and I can't wait for Agatha coven of chaos after her amazing work on Wandavision. Hahn is just neat and Olivia is great. Also nice subtly saying gay rights with Liv being implied to be Aunt May's ex in this reality too. Did it also involve a nuclear explosion on an island off of canada? One can only hope.

Odds, Ends and Sick Beats

So character wise we only have a few left to go over. First up is Rio, Miles supportive kind mom. She dosen't get a ton to do here but what we see is great and like Gwen, it's clear the writers realized they didn't use her as much and the sequel dives into her more and makes her just as important as her husband.

Then we have Ganke. In the comics, Ganke is miles lego loving best friend, his closest confidant and he helps ease the tension of being spider-man.. but given said tension drives the whole plot here, I get why they eased back. The other reason.. is understandable if disapointing. See the MCU Version of Ned Leeds, Ned Lee.. is basically Ganke. Close friends with our spider-man? Likes lego? bit of a nerd? Serves as his "guy in the chair". All check. And ned is great, he's fantastic and if I ever get to the mcu trilogy, i'll defintely have plenty good to say. It just meant Ganke had nothing to really do and is thus off to the side for these films. It's disapointing but I can understand it.. and he still gets a great scene in the spider-people trying to avoid him.. also Peni was blushing like mad. I need followup on this ship next film crew.

We also have Stan's cameo.. which is heartbreaking, but man was it good and it served as a great tribute to the man without being meant as one. It also gently jabs at his huckster nature with the no refunds sign. Oh stan... I miss you man.

Finally we have the films soundtrack. It's so damn good and it uses music beautifully: It has standouts like What's Up Danger, which i've talked about. Sunflower which thematically fits the film and the miles gwen romance, and Hypnotize, which perfectly sums up who aaron is when he' s not stalking children like some sort of feral cat man. I was going to talk about it more in depth, but it's just fanatastic.. and frankly this review is both horribly behind as is. It's a great sountrack and an all timer, both in the music made for it, the ones chosen for it and the backing tracks. Stupendous

So that brings us to the end of this long look.. and it should go without saying by this far in.. this film is a masterpiece. It's great as an adaptation, phenominal on it's own, groundbreaking, and I'll be revisiting it again and I feel terrible I didn't because I noticed so much more the second time around. This project has been a lot.. but it's also been some of the most fun i've had ont his blog. As i've already announced... we will be doing this one more time for beyond, and possibly again for across' theatrical release as that seems like it's not going to be as soon as Sony hopes. Either way i'm still shooting for the films current release date in march, so we'll be back with this in november or december with some other spidey plans in the mix as well. So thanks for taking the leap with me.. and hopefully you'll stick around. Until then... thanks for reading... and remember.. anyone can wear the mask... especailly you.

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numinously-yours · 11 months ago

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Hey so recently I've participated in @numinously-yours tarot Giveaway and I was lucky enough to be one of the winners. I received my reading in the video format as I chose the video option and she delivered it to me in just like two days?? Which was just so fast and quick, the reading was detailed and have so many insights and too good to be free. I had chosen the little prince and the other tarot deck which was just as beautiful as she asked me which one i wanted to get my reading done too and for clarification she chose the other one. She was sweet and kind as always and ger energy could be felt even through the screen.

CELTIC CROSS-TAROT GIVEAWAY FEEDBACK; Well definitely I'm a hopeless romantic so definitely a healthy relationship that turns into a marriage is important to me as well but currently I'm not looking for love and definitely taking charge of my life like you said. So yes whatever you said resonated from a pov of both love and life. And definitely i do long for a relationship deep inside. And definitely love definitely has a huge role or part in my life. Like I've always felt this feeling that it's like it's out there for me and I want it. Also you were right on my life and all like people wanting this to be a specific way and mme having those kind of expectations which i clearly don't enjoy because my way of looking and wanting things if very different from people around me when especially my family, also you were right on me having some kind of holdbacks because my parents had a terrible relationship growing up and it would be a lie if i say it didn't affected me so you were right on that as well where you picked up on something related to this and how it manifests into my fears as well, and yes expectations also influenced my life a lot. Also whatever you've mentioned in the reading made sense tbh it was very much more influenced with my life currently along with love ofcourse, and whatever you said resonated and helped me too. Like I've actually been told this that I definitely need to heal a lot and all like you said in order to meet my fs so that it can develop into something beautiful and also "transformations and healing" definitely has always came out a huge role in our relationship readings. Also changing perspective was on point to and it definitely made me realise stuff. I really deeply appreciate you doing this reading for me and i must admit your voice is as beautiful as you are and so is your smile like when in the beginning you welcomed me and in the end you said everything with your energy and smile it just made me feel so great!! Also you don't have to worry about the noises at all because there weren't any and I was able to hear everything. Once again thankyou so much to you, i hope you know your work is amazing and i really appreciate it. The tarot cards and decks were just so beautiful and i was happy to hear that they were your favourite as well. Haha. Have an amazing day ahead sending lots of love and kindness. 🫶🏻🤍✨🧿

Thankyou so much it meant like a lot to me!!

Thank you so much for this feedback! I loved doing this reading for you. There was so much positive energy to channel - even when looking at setbacks/interference, it never felt like I could be brought down. There was only optimism to feel 😊

If anyone is interested in a reading, check out my etsy: Numinously Yours. Stay tuned for more free readings and giveaways!

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lfthinkerwrites · 2 years ago

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A Lesson in Power

Edward gives Ellen and a few up-and-coming mobsters a lesson in what power looks like.

Rating: T

"I don't know why I agreed to this," Dad said for the fifth time since they'd left the house. "Taking you along to a mob meeting. I feel like a bad father."

In the car's front passenger seat, Ellen resisted the urge to roll her eyes. "Dad, would you just relax? This probably isn't going to be the most dangerous thing I've done this month."

Dad just let out another dramatic groan. "Ellen sweetheart, have mercy on your poor father's blood pressure, and don't remind me of all the other nonsense you've gotten up to!" He shook his head. "Subway surfing. I should have boxed Cain's ears for that!"

Ellen was barely able to stifle a laugh. Yeah, good luck with that, Old Man. She tuned out her father's griping and focused on their surroundings. They'd entered the old shipyards. Ellen practically felt herself buzzing with excitement. After weeks, and weeks of cajoling, Dad had finally decided to bring her along to a meet. He was finally starting to accept that her vigilante career wasn't a phase. He still complained about it every chance he got though.

He drove down to the edge of the old pier so that they were parallel to an old cannery plant. Dad stopped the car and let out one last dramatic sigh. "For the last time, are you sure you want to come in?"

"Kind of late to back out now, don't you think?" Ellen asked. "What else am I gonna do, sit in the car and throw shit at the seagulls?"

"Language, Ellen! And excuse me for wanting to keep my only child out of harm's way!"

Ellen forced herself to take a deep breath before she fired off some choice words. It's not about you, not really, her inner voice said. It's his anxiety talking. Be patient with him. Calm him down. He can't go talk to these assholes if he's already raging about something. "Dad," she said gently. "I know you're trying to look out for me, but I'll be alright. I'm an adult. I've done stuff like this before." Her Dad's face darkened. "And I want to look out for you too," she added quickly. "Query and Echo aren't here and you need more backup than just your rank and file goons."

"Informants, not goons. I don't use goons anymore, remember?" Dad let out a long sigh. "You and your overdeveloped sense of filial piety. Alright. Let's go. Put your mask on." Ellen reached into her knapsack and quickly tied her purple cloth mask around her eyes. "Do you have everything?"

"Yeah," Ellen said, pulling her custom tonfa out. She had a few smoke pellets as well as a flashbang in her belt. She hadn't checked, but she was also 99% certain that either she or Dad had a tracker somewhere on their person. The Bats said that they wouldn't interfere in the meet, but she was sure that if she looked, she'd find one of them somewhere on the rooftops surrounding them.

"Before we go in," her father said, "Pop quiz: who are the players?"

Ellen recited the names from memory, as her father had drilled into her over the past few days. "Carlos Francesco, former low-level enforcer for the now defunct Falcone criminal organization, and his nephew...Paris Franz." She and Steph had laughed themselves silly over that name. "The past few months, Francesco and Franz have been pulling armed robberies on banks and storefronts in the Bowery, trying to raise capital to form their own gang." Even after everything, the Bowery was still Cobblepot's turf, hence why Dad had gotten involved. "They'll be here with about a dozen guys, basically, their whole group."

Dad nodded in approval. "Very good. And what is our goal tonight?"

"You're going to be telling them to back off the Bowery. Basically, this is their only chance to get out before Cobblepot unleashes Holy Hellfire on them." Ellen frowned. "So what am I doing exactly?"

"Nothing," Dad said. "You'll be standing back and observing." Ellen had opened her mouth to protest when her father gave her a harsh look. "Don't argue with me, Ellen. Francesco's an idiot, but Franz is a young punk with a chip on his shoulder and something to prove. He's probably going to do or say something to get a rise out of us, but do not take the bait. Don't move a muscle until or unless he raises a hand to you first. If you don't do what I say, this will be the last time you come with me to something like this. Understand?" Ellen glared but nodded. "Good girl." He gave her a pat on the shoulder before opening his car door and getting out. Ellen quickly followed. "I know it might be frustrating, but just stand back and watch your old man work. Learn from what you see tonight. Then if Franz is just as dumb as his uncle, you can show him what you're capable of. Can you do that?"

"I'm your huckleberry," Ellen drawled, giving her tonfa a twirl. "That's just my game."

Dad snorted. "Come on then, Holliday." Ellen followed her father towards the cannery.

As they walked, Ellen took quick glances of their surroundings. There were ten other cars parked up and down the pier. Francesco's guys and Dad's. She peered up towards the rooftops. She couldn't see anyone, but that didn't mean they weren't there.

Finally, she turned her attention toward her father. She'd never match Cass in terms of reading body language, but she could see her father's attitude shifting the further they walked from the car. His strides were becoming longer, and his chest was puffing out a bit. He was psyching himself up for the meet. Ellen wondered how much of the old Riddler would come out to play tonight.

Her father opened the back door to the cannery wide, immediately catching the attention of everyone gathered around a table on the ground floor. The group of men and women closest to them Ellen quickly recognized as some of her Dad's people. It was the smaller group clustered on the other side of the table that she focused on, and one slimy-looking motherfucker in particular.

Sitting in a chair was a young man, maybe a few years older than Ellen herself, with slicked-back black hair, reptilian eyes, a black leather jacket, and a white dress shirt unbuttoned almost to his navel. Paris Franz, or as Steph had called him, Gaston minus the everything. A smirk came over his face as he watched Ellen and her father approach. Ellen didn't miss him taking a closer look at her and her chest. By the way Dad's eye twitched, he'd caught it too.

"Yo! Eddie!" Franz greeted as Dad sat down in the chair facing him. Franz nodded at Ellen. "Who's your new hench wench?"

"Paris," Dad said in a cool, controlled voice. The voice he used when he was restraining himself from jumping the table and beating the crap out of someone. He nodded to the group of men surrounding Franz and Ellen took the time to stare each of them down. They were all Franz's age. Weird. She thought Francesco's crew would be closer to his own age. Speaking of which, where was Francesco?

"I was under the impression that this was your uncle's meeting," Dad said. "Is Carlo unwell?"

Franz's smirk grew wider. "Let's just say that there's been a leadership change." Well, fuck. Francesco was probably at the bottom of Gotham Bay right now. "Uncle Carlo's stuck in the past. His time is over, and so's yours, old man." Ellen watched Dad raise an eyebrow. "You Rogues are done," Franz continued. "It's time for a new class of criminals to take over. You can tell Cobblepot that I'm not going anywhere. I'll be ruling the Bowery while he sits his fat ass in the Iceberg Lounge." How many times had he practiced this speech in his bathroom mirror?

Dad just chuckled. "Ah, the bravado of youth. You're how old now Paris? 22? No, 23. And so far, you've held up two banks and six storefronts. All in all you've absconded with about $200,000. Well done." Then something in Dad's eyes changed. "When I was your age," he said in a low tone, "I'd already robbed Gotham banks and museums out of a cool $2 million. And I didn't need to use someone else's leftovers to do it." Ellen had to stop herself from laughing at how quickly Franz's jaw dropped. "Don't forget just who you're speaking to, little boy."

Franz's face reddened and Ellen's hand instinctively moved to her belt. A quick look from Dad stilled her movements. "Excuse me?" Franz said. "'Little boy'? Just who the fuck dod you think you are!? You think you can talk to me like that? I will fucking bury you old man!"

"Oh, will you?" Dad taunted. "And how exactly are you going to do that with no crew?"

Franz's expression went from angry to confused. "What are you talking about?" Ellen was also curious. She knew Dad had been up to something, now she got to find out what it was.

Dad laughed again. "Your little friends here were easy to find. In the twenty-four hours before this meeting, I found their names, addresses, their mothers' addresses, and most importantly, their bank accounts. Or rather, my bank accounts." The guys behind Franz began to shout. Dad raised a gloved hand. "Let me finish. Their money is now my money. And it will continue to be my money as long as they keep indulging your ridiculous whims. And frankly from what I've seen, they don't get paid enough for your nonsense. They can make twice as much working for Cobblepot and actually have health insurance. Which, trust me, they're going to need if they continue down this path. The time of the Rogues may very well be over, but the time of the Batman is still going strong." Some of the young guys scoffed, but more than one also looked queasy.

"And before any of you fine upstanding gentlemen get any ideas about retaliating," Dad continued. "I should tell you that Oswald Cobblepot is expecting a phone call from me. If he doesn't get it, he will send fifty men here to storm the cannery and kill all of you." Ellen forced herself not to let on her surprise. Dad might be telling the truth but if he was bluffing, she couldn't let that on. "Oswald's been quite patient with you so far," Dad said. "More patient than the Red Hood would have been if you tried this stupidity in the Narrows. He's sent me to give you this final offer. Leave the Bowery now, and he won't hunt you down. He'll even let you keep your ill gotten goods. I can also be persuaded to release your friends' assets." Dad leaned forward. "If you continue on this path, however, I can't guarantee your continued good health, Paris." Dad looked up and nodded at Franz's crew. "What say you, boys? Will you go down with the ship, or would you like to be able to pay your rent this month?"

Franz's gang took one look at him, then at her Dad, before they shook their heads. "Paris," one man said. "Let's just go. We can try again in Sionis' old turf, or Crime Alley."

Franz said nothing, but pushed his chair back. Ellen watched him reach for something in his jacket and in a split second, grabbed her tonfa from her right loop on her belt. Before anyone in Franz's gang could even shout a warning, she'd jumped onto the table, swung her arm back and connected hard dead center in Franz's face. He fell to the ground screaming, blood gushing from his face and mouth. His gang stared at her, eyes wide.

Ellen quickly hopped off the table and went back to her Dad's side. He seemed rather pleased by this turn of events. "I can get her to do that on command, you know," he quipped at the whimpering man on the floor. "She can draw a weapon faster than almost anyone I've ever seen. You should be thankful she doesn't carry guns. If she did, you'd be dead." He then got up out of his chair and tipped his hat to the now-terrified and soon-to-be-defunct Franz gang. "Gentlemen." He turned on his heel and walked towards the back door.

Ellen stayed long enough to watch one of the young would-be gangsters help Franz up. "Fuckin' bitch," he choked out at her. "I'm comin' for you. You hear me!? I'm gonna get you!"

Ellen pulled her second tonfa from her left belt loop and twirled both of them at once, smiling as he and his little posse flinched "You're a daisy if you do," she mocked. As she expected, none of them made a move toward her. She walked backwards towards the door just the same, until she'd reached the cover of her Dad's informants. Once there, she turned around and quickly dashed to her Dad, basking in the smiles and thumbs ups, the informants were sending her way.

Once she and Dad had made it outside, Ellen exhaled. "Holy shit," she said. "That was something."

"Language!" Dad scolded. Ellen let out an incredulous laugh. It never failed to amaze her just how quickly he could shift from being the Riddler to being her fussy Dad. "Let's go report back to Oswald. I wasn't bluffing about that phone call."

Ellen nodded, then put her tonfa back into her belt loops. "I didn't jump the gun smacking him, did I?"

Dad stopped mid-step and gave her a side hug. "No," he said instantly. "Sweetheart, you did exactly what you needed to do. You saw that he was reaching for a weapon and you protected us, just like you've been trained to do. And as an added bonus, you, a young woman only 5'3, kicked his ass in front of his associates and mine. Word will get out about what happened here tonight. No matter what he does in the future, he's going to be remembered as the young punk who got beaten by Enigma. His reputation will never recover from it."

Dad stepped back to look her in the eyes. "There's more than one kind of power, Ellen. I was able to disband his gang with a few clicks of a keyboard and you stopped him from getting any further ideas with a swing of your tonfa. If you can harness both of these types of power, you'll be damn near unstoppable." He huffed. "And I'll never get a good night's sleep again."

Ellen just smiled.

#pi verse maybe?#the riddler's daughter

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lizbethborden · 2 years ago

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My boss is not detail-oriented and does not have a lot of interest in/respect for paperwork. He doesn't submit important forms on time and messes up processes for other people. We'll get reminders in a chain including both of us from our overboss about a bit of paperwork or housekeeping that needs to be done, and I'll be the one who responds and affirms the need and takes responsibility if it doesn't get done, even if he's the one who hasn't pulled his weight. He won't submit his expense reports on time, which gets the company card frozen, which means we can't get our transportation paid for; now I have to do the expense reports, for which I receive no credit/acknowledgment. I have to follow around behind him and submit those missing forms so that people can get their jobs done. I have to schedule reminders, send group messages, take notes at every meeting and make to-dos, submit tickets, follow up on tickets, emails, and messages from the team--oh, and also, he considers me "an extension of himself," meaning I also have to do hiring, sometimes totally solo with no formal training in our company's processes, issue disciplinary actions, manage issues with the schedule, and mediate between members of the team if they are having challenges.

He has some good instincts for sure. He's made some good choices. But I'm reminded of that observation that women tend to do the drudge work--the daily grind, the minutiae that keep the "house" going that are commensurately so, so much less fulfilling for being so small and for never being done done--whereas men tend to do bigger projects or once-a-week jobs that give them a sense of accomplishment, result in a visible change or improvement, and don't interfere with their day-to-day. When we had terrible staffing issues and he was physically working on the floor almost every day, then I understood why he seemed to struggle catching up with details and communicating information. Now we don't have that problem and I'm stuck wondering what he's doing all day, because it's not all the stuff that I'm doing, so I can't figure it out! The way he talks about and portrays himself seems to imply that he is nonstop grinding until the wee hours of the morning--quite literally I'll get emails at 3, 4 AM where he says "this is the only time I had to sit down today..." etc. Like, is that true, though? What have you been doing? I guess I should take the functioning machinery of the business as proof that whatever he's doing, on some level, it must be good; and I don't want to fall into the trap of assuming that because I don't "see" the work, it's not happening.

It all makes me feel frustrated, trapped, and lonely. Functionally, I'm a glorified secretary. I've already given myself a deadline for when I want to either be moving up or moving out from this job, but the day-to-day is so frustrating even knowing that I have an endgame.

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myfandomrambles · 8 days ago

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11th Doctor Episode Rankings pt. 2

Episode Rankings: Worst to Best

(Pt1)

Spoilers

21) The Pandorica Opens:

Fun stuff here! The opening is cool, love River graffitied the oldest cliff very in character. The montage of all Eleven’s friends was exciting. River playing Cleopatra is super in character. The Doctor's speech is good, if not my favorite. Rory’s coming back is unexpected but I think it's really quite clever. River seeming surprised when not in front of other people about what’s in Amy's room is a bit strange but her point stands. Love all the bad guys being here if some like Weevils are a bit of a strange cut. The Doctor being the most feared thing in the universe is so freaking good. The Pandorica is key to the overall arc of Eleven with the cracks and to who he is as his individual Doctor as The Most Feared being. (8/10)

20) The Big Bang:

I think It’s cool! It’s all bootstraps but that’s just not a problem for me personally. The Pandorica is a fun concept and I think it’s a neat way of rebooting the universe. I think it offers a decent answer to the cracks while still leaving space for the ending that is answered at the end of Eleven’s tenure. River is fun here. The last centurion is so sweet. The collapsing universe is done well here for the first time so it’s not a repeated idea yet. You get the first fez joke. Amy and Rory’s wedding is so sweet and the way the hints for it are dropped in the monologue Eleven gives Amy to allow her to bring him back is neat. And of course: “...We're all stories in the end. Just make it a good one, eh?” (8/10)

19) Cold War:

Not an appreciated enough story! The sidecast is so good here, the way the other man can see that The Doctor is a soldier and therefore can’t also go talk to the Ice Warrior great line. The Ice Warrior is done well here, love that for him. The mutually assured destruction is on the nose for sure but is still good! Clara is very brave here and tries to think on her feet. I love the ending of this episode. I think it follows the themes very well and has a good relationship to who The Doctor is as a war veteran and the way The Time Lords and The Daleks were destroying each other. (8/10)

18) The Snowmen:

Love the way The Doctor changes here, like the way we acknowledge Amy and Rory. Barmaid/Governess Clara is a good one. The GI is better here than in other episodes. I love the look of the TARDIS in the sky. It's beautiful. Clara’s death is an amazing one off companion death. It hurts really good. The side characters besides Clara and the Paternoster gang aren’t great but having these guys here make up for them. It has a good use of Christmas as a background. The mood of everything is just amazing. (8/10)

17) The Name of The Doctor:

I like the Impossible Girl arc perfectly fine actually. Clara doesn’t interfere with The Doctor's adventures; she just stops the GI from stopping The Doctor. And Clara isn’t special by no choice she isn’t cosmically special for no reason she makes a choice. She chooses to step into the timeline! She chooses to be the impossible girl because she loves The Doctor! It ripples back through time sure but it’s still a choice. It’s something that she had to make a choice to do it! And I like that! I like that Clara is brave enough to save The Doctor. I like The Doctor saving Clara back. I love them loving each other enough to save each other. I like the idea that Time Lord’s tombs have their timelines. I like that River and The Doctor say goodbye. I think it’s good. It’s not perfect, we don't know how they get out of the timeline. We don’t know how River can talk outside the library. So it’s not perfect but most of the hate isn’t quite fair. (8/10)

16) A Christmas Carol:

“Doctor: Nobody important. Blimey, that's amazing. Do you know, in nine hundred years of time and space, I've never met anyone who wasn't important before” Ahhhh. Love the usage of Christmas here. The Doctor who meets Charles Dickens really works for me. The concept of using people as collateral is so evil SciFi love it. The emotionality here works amazingly here they lean into child abuse just enough to hit you in the feels while keeping it not gratuitous. Do they solve it with Christmas singing? Yes! Is it basically killing someone for one good Christmas? Yes! But god does it make me feel things. But also Cloud Sharks! and Emotional Growth!!! (8.5/10)

15) Night Terrors:

I love the neurodivergence metaphor here, intentional or not. As a certified Neurdivergent who just wanted to be loved and understood as a child, I get you kid. And as someone who reads The Doctor as a very neurodivergent character, them being the one to figure out George makes me happy. The Dolls are creepy; Rory's 'Have we died again?' is a good line. It’s not the most complicated or effective episode to the overall series plot but I like it and I really have a good time with it. And it makes me feel very happy, and I enjoy rewatching it. I just love the neurodivergent narrative here. (8.5/10)

14) Dinosaurs on a Spaceship:

Okay, I think this concept is fun and when the dinosaur dies it makes me wanna cry. I like Briain. And The Doctor kills someone in cold blood and it’s such a good scene. The Doctor says -you killed people and wanted human traffic too? Die you fool.- And that hits so well. That's the good dark Doctor. The Doctor’s face when Amy says “Or vice versa.” to her being there when he dies? Oh my good. This episode is actually so emotional and people say it’s silly. Silly? Silly? Those people have no ability to pay attention. (8.5/10)

13) Amy’s Choice:

The Dream Lord is fascinating. You get amazing lines like “There's only one person in the universe who hates me as much as you do” and “Then what is the point of you?”. Also, funny lines like “Let's die looking like a Peruvian folk band.” The dream within a dream isn’t the most original concept but is done super well here! Amy choosing Rory is so good and it’s a great answer to this question. I like the way that she will choose Rory but we don’t totally break her infatuation with The Doctor at the same time. (8.5/10)

12) The Eleventh Hour:

Oh yeah, this is a great start to this era. Makes you so pumped for Eleven. Dun dun da dun da da. “Hello, I’m The Doctor,” Hell yeah you are! Set up Amy and The Doctor’s relationship of the imaginary friend. Set up Amy’s arc about growing up. Introduces Rory and the wedding. Has a great TARDIS entry scene. Has the crack in the wall introduced. Has the fairy tale vibes. Has Elven’s goofiness but also his ability to send armies and open the TARDIS with a snap of his fingers like River said he could in the library. Hell Yeah let’s GO! (8.5/10)

11) Hide:

Good spookiness, not the scariest Doctor Who but definitely fun. Good use of SciFi for the spookiness not leaving it in the realm of fantasy which I prefer the scifi angle when I’m watching Who. I enjoy the main two side characters here. I like Palmer and his reflection of The Doctor and how The Doctor acts enough like a manipulative government actor that he can hold up his cover without trying. And I like Emma being able to help, she feels different enough from similar characters Like Gwyneth from The Unquiet Dead by having a bit more agency and instead of reading Clara’s past and future she reads The Doctor’s character with the line “Don't trust him. There's a sliver of ice in his heart.”. The design was cool for the pocket dimension. I like that Clara’s fight with the TARDIS continues. Clara’s lines about how The Doctor interacts with humans is super good as well “But here we are, talking. So I am a ghost. To you, I'm a ghost. We're all ghosts to you. We must be nothing” That’s the good stuff. The Doctor denies it, but in a way we know it’s true The Doctor loves their Companions with all their heart but knows it will end every time and they will have to go on. (8.5/10)

10) A Good Man Goes to War:

Boom we are here for the dramatics and the overkill. Having Rory and The Doctor explode a Cyber Legion is fun. Rory and Amy’s reunion is so sweet. The Colonel runaway scene shows perfect Dark Doctor stuff. “Good men don't need rules. Today is not the day to find out why I have so many.” Amazing line! When The flesh baby goes away during the battle is amazing, Amy telling Rory to let everyone else die is a great line. The Doctor’s face when he realises it’s his fault for being seen as a weapon works perfectly. The stuff with Lorna is so emotional, The Doctor not actually remembering her is perfect for his character. Amy actually stepping away from The Doctor at first works perfectly. River’s speech to The Doctor is good, another moment he realises he’s gone too far. The weird Pond family tree is amazing love that for them. (8.5/10)

9) Day of The Moon:

Still going so strong. Love how they deal with the Silence; It's so freakin cool. They feel like a real threat. I love Amy here, the poor girl technically getting double kidnapped (Already being a flesh duplicate). Them all working together surreptitiously. The Silence feel like a real threat. The cool block prison. Using the moon landing is super cool. The way they combat the silence is so clever. Love them all working as a team. Ahh such a good start to the season. (well second part) (9/10)

8) The Impossible Astronaut:

Everything about this episode is amazing. The scene with The Doctor calling the ponds in with the letter is so kinetic energy it rocks. The ponds are having their little meal as a whole family and you want them to be able to do this forever. The regen and funeral is so sad with all their reactions, hurts in a good way. Then all of their reactions to knowing he’s going to die! How cold The Doctor is to their reactions, “What? A mysterious summons. You think I'm just going to go? Who sent those messages? I know you know. I can see it in your faces. Don't play games with me. Don't ever, ever think you're capable of that.” oof I love that line. Then how he hurts River. I really like Canton. Then the SIlence!!!! They are so cool! An amazing villain design. And Nixon is done in a really fun way. River talks about knowing there will be a day when he won’t know her and we know about that day, Ouch! (9/10)

7) The Time of The Doctor:

A little nostalgia goggles are probably going on here. But I think it’s a very well-done regeneration story. It ties together the end of the crack in the wall, the silence, the exploding TARDIS, why River was made and the Kavorian sect. Is it done fantastically? No, but I do think it’s done well enough that it’s not completely stupid. I think what’s done amazingly is the emotional core, The Doctor has found somewhere that needs him to stay, the town needs him to protect it from the aliens and the universe needs him to protect it from the Time Lords and Daleks starting war by not sharing his name. He lives with the crack in the wall, The Time Lords are right there but never lets them through, he has to never let his own people who he wanted to save and go home to so badly but never let them throgh because he makes a bigger promise to protect Christmas and the wider universe. And keeps the aliens, especially The Daleks away until he is too old to do it, loved by the people of the village. This is a good end to his arc as he always tried to run from death and to forget his pain in the Time War but here he had to join a new war, the siege of Trenzalore, in order to save even one life. Letting go of the face of the young silly man and living as an older man in this town, and then again at the end when he regenerates shows maturity. And then it’s wonderful when he is given a gift of new life (whether he needs or not as the timeless child with new canon) because he saved the Gallifreyans because he was The Doctor on the last day of the war. His speech is amazing and always breaks my heart and makes me cry. We see Amy and hear the long song as this version of The Doctor rests while still remembering no longer being The Doctor who forgets. (9/10)

6) The Beast Below:

Not an appreciated enough episode, I think it’s an amazing start to Amy as a true companion but I think it has a good message about how people tend to forget the horrors society is built upon. We all do this, especially as adults. I think the story of true kindness that can’t be even comprehended by humans is also very well done. Even The Doctor can’t believe in kindness like that believing he has to hurt the Star Whale to keep things going even if he thinks it won’t allow him to be The Doctor anymore. Only Amy, who isn’t steeped in this culture yet, notices the children and has seen The Doctor as an alien who cares for all children allowing her to believe that something alien could just want to help. You get moments in this episode like The Doctor helping crying children as the most important thing [the implication The Doctor having kids also here] and of course the sweet line “But I've seen it before. Very old and very kind, and the very, very last. Sound a bit familiar?” Its political messaging might not be perfect but the emotional messaging hits so good and the aesthetic is amazing so I think it's fantastic. (9.5/10)

5) Vincent and The Doctor:

Everybody knows this episode is beautiful and moving. This story tells such a good depression narrative that doesn’t sugarcoat anything and still ends in suicide showing you can’t just make people happy out of real mental illness. It also doesn't romanticize suicide as being like the thing all artists do as it is definitely a tragedy that should still not have happened. And it makes sure that you know that good moments still matter. The idea that his empathy for loneliness and pain Vincent has allows him to see the creature when others can’t is super well-written as well. I love how Amy is moved by her own forgotten grief as well. It's so good. The scene with Vincent in the gallery omg we all know it hurts so good. Seeing Starry Night animated is so beautiful. It teaches us to all know it’s worth being kind even if it’s not always going to “fix” people. Good stuff. (10/10)

4) A Town Called Mercy:

People hate this one and I don’t get it! The character mirrors between The Doctor and Jex is so well done and I like the way he knows The Doctor gets it. I like the way it causes The Doctor to feel so angry and almost freaking kill him. I like Amy getting mad at him for it. I like the line “But they keep coming back, don't you see? Every time I negotiate, I try to understand. Well, not today. No. Today, I honour the victims first. His, the Master's, the Dalek's, all the people who died because of my mercy!” I like the way The Doctor tries to keep the people together afterwards because one man asked him to, and he knows that letting the other people go over the line will be bad for them, he can’t let the young people become murderers. I like that the tortured person becomes the protector of the town. I love the way you see the trauma of The Doctor so plainly in this episode. (10/10)

3) The Rings of Akhaten:

The Aliens! The Visuals! The speeches! The self-sacrifice! The messaging! The music! I mean I know people say Matt Smith does a terrible job but I disagree I think it’s so good. You have the speech he gives to The Old God/Akhaten which always gives me goosebumps and omg his acting. But you have the little speech he gave earlier “...All the elements in your body were forged many, many millions of years ago, in the heart of a far away star that exploded and died. That explosion scattered those elements across the desolations of deep space. After so, so many millions of years, these elements came together to form new stars and new planets. And on and on it went. The elements came together and burst apart, forming shoes and ships and sealing wax, and cabbages and kings. Until eventually, they came together to make you. You are unique in the universe...” How sweet and moving of a message is that? To tell everyone you matter. Like how can you not love this episode? And the long song? It’s an amazing song for Eleven. I just want to hug this episode. And the ending with Clara’s leaf it’s so good. I like the idea of a god that eats stories not being able to eat stories that never happened. That's clever. Possible is infinite. It’s good I like it, and the people giving back the ring for saving them? So nice. Everything in this episode is a message of the power of emotion, love and stories and it’s beautiful. (10/10)

2) The Doctor’s Wife:

I love the TARDIS & I love The Doctor. You get amazing parts like: “Amy: You want to be forgiven. Doctor: Don't we all?” You get how angry he is when he realises the Time Lords are all dead, so dark Doctor. I love and hate the Sexy thing, it is very awkward but how much the TARDIS and The Doctor love each other is so sweet and it comes through it makes me feel so much. I love The TARDIS saying she also stole him and never wants to give him back. House is a cool villain, very creepy. I love The Doctor’s facial expression as The TARDIS kicks House out of The TARDIS's body. The Doctor just wants to be able to always talk to her but knowing it won’t be possible. I love Hello being a sad thing to say, but she won’t say goodbye. “AMY: Look at you pair. It's always you and her, isn't it, long after the rest of us have gone. A boy and his box, off to see the universe.: AHHH(10/10)

1) The God Complex:

Some of the most peak Who of all time. I love everything that happens here. The side characters are freaking amazing; each one has their own characterization and they are each memorable and are important. The minotaur is a cool villain and he’s a good spooky and a good tragedy. The deaths of the side characters are tragic in a good way. I love the way Rita can read The Doctor so well. I love Rory being shown a door and his line “I'd forgotten not all victories are about saving the universe.” I love The Doctor breaking down when Rita dies and getting angry Gibbis sacrificing the other people. I love The Doctor realising he’d done the wrong thing, it’s always so heartbreaking when The Doctor releases he’s messed up. Then The Doctor sacrificed Amy’s faith and admitted he wanted to be adored! It makes my heart hurt, Amy’s face and then little Amy? Oof. Then of course we get the Minatour death: “An ancient creature, drenched in the blood of the innocent, drifting in space through an endless, shifting maze. For such a creature, death would be a gift.’ Then accept it, and sleep well. ‘I wasn't talking about myself’.” The Doctor we know already has this self-hate inside him and is facing down his own death this season to point out that they should accept the death because of the pain they caused? It’s so good. And then The Doctor giving Amy a grown-up place to live almost giving them up, almost letting them go is such an interesting step like he knows he has to let Amy grow up and almost let her have a life she would have been able to live her life out in her own time but he can’t so what happens in TATM happens. And of course, we all have to think, what does The Doctor believe in? Which is a great question to think about after this. This is just such a fantastic episode. (10/10)

Anyway, that's my list hate me if you must

Average Score 7.5

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