#interfere with me getting stuff done and it's all stuff that I've also had on my todo list for like.. weeks at this point it's like.. oughh

[icewindandboringhorror]

Daily Log 2

Trying out (probably just temporarily) making short daily-ish notes about things, in an attempt to see if it helps me be more reflective or productive lol.

Activities: Much less than yesterday, felt sick and sleepy so barely got anything done. It was also warmer inside today.. Very much dreading summer. I still feel like the people who ~~ love warm weather sooo much~~ must also have central heating and air and are able to escape the warmth, or at least have cool airy houses where they can get cross breezes or something.. I just fail to see how ANYONE could enjoy sweating all day because it's like 75F indoors, etc. grrbb,,, the headaches, sleepless sweaty nights, constant physical discomfort, etc. The next few days look cloudy and rainy though so.. yEs.. haha HA

Got a new charger for my old 2004 nokia phone so it actually turns on now, and recorded myself going through the ringtones and games. I might add the footage to a currently not fully edited video of me also looking through other electronics (old phones, turbo twist math, etc.). I love old ringtones actually and if I were rich, I would love to collect old phones specifically just to have a catalogue of what they're like and all of the sounds they contain.

Managed to have a tiny burst of energy and take photos of 3 outfits before my arms and shoulder started hurting and I got too warm.

Sent email to one doctor.

Translated like 3 words for the Avirrekava poem thing I mentioned yesterday. My language document is not organized very well at all so I've kind of lost my flow of working on it. I've heard about people making searchable dictionary type things for their conlangs, so I'd like to look more into that maybe. As well as making a custom font, though I don't know if that's more difficult for syllabaries (so wouldn't be directly linkable to a plain english alphabet keyboard?? eh?). Anyway, I need to finish the tapestry/painting thing/etc. soon though since I have no good place to put it. The canvas is warping a little just laying haphazardly on my closet floor lol.

Made one quick mspaint background image for the next batch of song snippet things for my jokey music youtube.

Edited like 10 minutes of the Giant Worldbuilding Slideshow Project.. couldn't focus on that either since being at the computer today irritated my shoulders and arms.

Notable sights: Saw 6 baby ducks and their parents swimming in a nearby pond!! It's interesting how their colors seem to change so much, and the young ones have the little spots on their back. Not much else, I was not very active lol..

Goals moving forward: Still working on consistent sleep schedule. Focus on social activities, finding new friends in the places I want to move, communicating with ones I have. Physical therapy exercises. Plant nasturtiums. Finish and upload videos, edit pictures, post the poll adventure thing that has been sitting in a draft for weeks (I thought I would get it done today, but alas.. I don't even have to do much, just proofread and post it, I just keep having no energy/being preoccupied with other things/hurts to be on computer.. grrr.. I want to continue the story lol >:T).

Notable foods: HAD ASPARAGUS YEaaaaaghhhHHHH!!!!!!!!! Asparagus SQUAD!!!!!!!!!! ... Also a few pieces of smoked gouda with lunch, one of my favorite cheeses.

[furiousgoldfish]

On effortless recovery (personal)

I've been slowly dealing with cptsd and osdd for the last 8 years, and while I've had to actively work on some stuff, other have just happened without my interference, or at least, without me knowing I did anything about it. I have not been to therapy; or rather, there's been several attempts that were not working, and I had to end them. For instance, I've had therapy with someone who showed next to no interest in my issues and kept minimizing and ignoring whatever I've been saying, and this was the only person who didn't try to institutionalize me.

I've had to actively work on osdd, and it's something I'm learning about, and understand more as I go, but I also get that osdd is making everything else much easier on me. For instance, lots of my memories and thoughts are being blocked from me, and contained in alters who are making sure that I'm not affected by it, that is a huge help. Lots of thoughts that would upset me if I thought about them, are completely out of my reach, and if I do try to think about them, my mind goes blank and I forgot what I was thinking about. That's a great help for issues like anxiety and spiraling; I used to drown in my own fears and worries; now I just can't remember any of it. It is slightly depressing that my own peace of mind requires that big amount of amnesia, but you know, having some peace is so nice I could never be anything less than grateful for it. Being able to maintain some semblance of peace feels like resiliency, it means I have a place of quiet where I can go back to, even when distressing things happen.

I'm having my chronic pain and chronic exhaustion ease away from me very slowly. I still get exhausted easily, and am tired way more often than a regular person, but I now rarely get days when I can't get out of bed, or have to sacrifice a whole week due to a flashback or a nightmare. I no longer get anxious about planning to do something a day or two ahead because I can count on having at least a basic amount of energy. I don't think I've done anything to create this, it was just happening over the years, on its own. It's also happening so slowly that I don't even feel the progress, I have to remember to look 3 or 5 years back and remember just how much time I've been spending in bed then, to realize that it's less now, that I can do multiple activities a day now. I know I'm extremely lucky to be recovering from this, because there are people who have a chronic condition that doesn't allow for recovery, and I am very grateful for every day I can move around.

Another thing that is much better is sleeping! I used to wake up feeling like I'm dying, overheated, stressed, anxious, sometimes even paralyzed in fear, and if not fear, then grief would hold me down and I would be too sad to move. Now I'm finding myself waking up thinking 'Oh I'm so well rested! I have the energy to tackle some chores' like I'm in an actual good mood. And it's like ??? what is going on, since when is this me. I've been dreaming of having mornings like this, and now I have them, and it just happened over time (8 years) I still only think about doing chores when I have energy, because I know it's the only time of day I'll have any energy, so if I wake up restful I will rush to do dishes, laundry, cleaning, cooking, and whatever else, because I know the energy will go away later and I will become a sad slob. But it's much better than waking up and having to take a few hours (or days) just to recover from sleeping. My sleeping schedule has been 8 hours all along, I somehow can't sleep over the 8 hour mark, and can't function if I sleep less than 7.

I will still sometimes have flashbacks and meltdowns if anything bad happens to me, but the recovery time from them has gone way down. It used to be weeks, months even, to recover from a single bad event. Now it's more like hours and days. It's still not very similar to what I think a regular person would have to deal with, but I love the progress very much! One thing that slips my mind is that I regularly forget how much worse things used to be. If I bounce back from something, I forget that in the past, this would ruin me for weeks, and I forget that this is progress and to take a minute to acknowledge that. I just take what I can and go. But it's good to look at it and see that life is a little easier.

Some anxiety has also withered away from me, because so much of my anxiety was due to inexperience. New problems that would appear in my life seemed unsolvable and catastrophic, because I never faced those problems before, didn't know how to solve it, didn't dare to ask for help, didn't have skills or knowledge to tackle any of them myself, and all of it felt like it would lead to my doom. After already having solved some of those problems multiple times, I'm at peace just because I know what to do now. I haven't done much asking for help to be honest, because I hate it, but in struggling to solve the problems myself (sometimes taking months and years to do so), I've gathered knowledge, skills and experience, and I now have a general idea of what to do in situations that reoccur, and also know what to expect, how long something will take, what type of action will resolve it. Just living and tackling things by myself, and succeeding, eases a lot of anxiety. There is a solution to everything, with sufficient knowledge, experience and skills.

A lot of stuff that's previously been bothering me to the level where I couldn't deal with it, can now be dealt with merely distracting myself from it. Which I think is very funny, because I used to consider all my time playing games or looking at funny videos 'procrastination', because I wasn't being productive right, I was just 'procrastinating' and delaying dealing with life. Now I value these activities specifically because they can save me from feeling miserable and sad. There's a warmth to looking at people being goofy, funny, interesting, entertaining, and taking joy in it, and reminding myself there's still a lot of good things in the world, there are good people, there is warmth, there is love, and I feel better after seeing it, regardless of how awful I felt before. Having my own thoughts redirected to something hopeful is making my days better, more stable. I think I'm just stopping myself from spiraling into hopelessness, by looking directly at hope and staying fixated on it for long enough. And it's something I didn't previously value as a real activity, because I didn't believe that making myself feel better while producing nothing, was a worthwhile pursuit.

Being safe from abuse for a long time managed to erode the feelings of guilt and shame I had in my own interests, thoughts and activities, and I've became unafraid of any failures. It is now very clear to me that failing is the only way towards learning and it's incredibly valuable. I'm shameless at starting new hobbies and activities and it does not bother me whatsoever when I do badly. Even failing at big stuff in my life, things that created actual damage to me, supplied me with knowledge I don't think I would otherwise gain, and I treasure it. I don't feel ashamed or like I've done anything wrong. I've been able to engage with my own curiosity about things and I'm now able to ask questions about anything, without feeling bad for 'not knowing already'.

I've also accepted that I'm bad at some stuff, and it doesn't mean anything much about me, we're all bad at something. Sometimes I'm bad at stuff, but enjoy doing them, so I still do them, fun gives it good value! And if I'm both bad at something and don't enjoy it, then I completely drop it, and feel okay knowing this just isn't for me. I remember when I used to believe I'm bad at everything, just because I was getting such horrid feedback on it, now it's almost funny. I like stuff I create even when I do them badly, because I remember how much fun I had doing it. If I want to do them better, I know I just need to keep practicing and it will happen. Nothing a human creates is shameful, especially if it's not causing any harm to anyone. We're made to create and it makes us happy.

I don't think I've done anything specific to create these changes, maybe some critical analysis of the past, and some willingness to consider my own happiness important and worthwhile. I think I spent so much time grieving that I've actually processed the most of it, so I'm no longer as overwhelmed by it as I was before. It's not like I'm no longer sad, I will start sobbing frequently and whenever I'm tired, I am automatically miserable. But it is no longer constant, suffocating feeling that follows me for every second of existence.

I haven't done anything to fix the sleeping or to ease the chronic pain, that was just time and being safe from abuse for a longer period. I wanted to write this specifically because I've been waking up feeling okay the last few days and that was a shock to experience, what a bliss to wake up and think 'I'm well rested'. Incredible life experience.

[twig-tea]

Lately I’ve been feeling like Thai bl is truly all over the place with so many shows airing at once and some of the best ones flying under the radar while discourse is focused on a couple of the big messy ones. I think you’re the only person I know who is actually watching ALL of them and has been here for the whole evolution of the genre, so I’m curious what stands out to you about this current moment. Do the shows feel different to you? Is the way fandom is interacting with them changing? And what are your current favs?

I ended up writing a thesis, sorry friend lol To be fair to me there are 3 questions in there, all of them meaty! I've done my best to give a sense of where I'm at with Thai BL and how it feels like it's changed over time.

Caveating all of this: I am just one fan who I'm sure has had specific experiences that will colour my opinion, also a lot of this is just vibes so I'm open to being told I've forgotten something major or misremembered what it was like! If you are reading this and your opinion or experience is different please share, with stuff like this I'm always interested in hearing about differing opinions because the fandom experience will depend at least partly on where you hang out. For years, my main fandom space for BL was the YouTube comments section (RIP me).

Overall feel

Honestly, things overall don't feel all that different to me in Thai BL in particular, even though I'm about to talk about a lot of changes and ways it actuallyd does feel very different below lol And after reflecting about it, I think it's because these things still feel very much in flux, in a way that they've felt in flux this entire time. Producers are still figuring out the best funding and distribution models and merch models to make money; creators are still calibrating how queer these shows can be and still be popular; actors are still figuring out how to do BGP (business gay performances) without having fans interfere in their private lives off the clock. Writers are still trying to figure out how to write 12-episode arcs that don't drag in the middle or fumble the ending (which is also not new). The tension between established ships, fan expectations, and genre requirements has honestly been there almost the whole time, though the reverberations of missteps is louder now because of the larger fanbase that is (comparatively) more plugged in to live viewing. The core question in BL has always been 'how do we make this marketable', and that unsurprisingly hasn't changed, though the answer to that question has over time, if that makes sense?

Shows

Do the shows feel different? As a whole, I'd say yes. The biggest differences are of course total quantity and overall quality, but the actual distribution of % of shows that have high(er) production values (i.e. quality) feels close to the same--it was close to 50/50 in the late 2010s and now is maybe more like 40/60 with a higher percentage coming from more smaller production companies. But the numbers we're talking about are something like 15 shows in e.g. 2018 and something more like 50 shows in 2023 (being vague because there are shows that people could argue over whether they should count). The quality overall has increased, even the pulps look better, sound better, and tend to feel a little bit more put together than the pulps of even 2020 (please note that these are all relative qualifiers, most of these shows are still not objectively good). 2020 in particular was a watershed moment for high production value BLs; we get colorists and special effects artists, and sometimes decent sound production now!

There has also been an improvement in terms of what is depicted and how certain subject matter is treated very generally, though I think that's still in flux. Things like evil ex girlfriends are less common than they were and the women in BL are more likely (in general, still not always) to be treated as realized characters. We've gotten more and better femme representation in ensemble shows, and the "gay for you" trope is much less common. Consent is now considered sexy and is much more common than it was; non-consent as "sexy" has eroded and is much less common. Things that used to happen in almost every BL now happen in a much lower percentage. I also feel a little bit less worried about some of the actors on pulp sets because there is more general scrutiny about things like minor actors, intimacy coordination, BGP (business gay performance) expectations, and sexual exploitation. Overall, show recommendations these days come with fewer caveats.

The assumption that if you worked with someone on a BL once you would stay with them as an established pairing was surprisingly early in BL; I don't know if it's just because there were a few shows that had side pairings then get main shows, so the actors did work together on a few shows in a row, which made them feel established, or whether it's because the BGP started early to build hype both before and after shows aired, or whether audiences just made homophobic assumptions about how if two actors had chemistry they had to be gay for each other, and otherwise nobody would want to "play gay" more than once, or would want to have to kiss too many other men....in any case, there were huge scandals and blow-ups around this in BL on even the earliest shows, and some early shows were snubbed because of the pairing alone. Similarly, it was established very early in BL (i.e. 2016-17) that an unhappy ending for a pair would result in your show being panned; cheating was also a guaranteed flop in BL circles (though some ensemble shows that had gay relationships in them such as Friend Zone did fine with cheating plots and unhappy endings). Overall it feels like some things were only depicted in early Thai BL and creators have avoided them since due to the audience reception at the time. I will say, generally, that there have now been enough examples of people in a "branded pair" moving on to a new pair or multiple shows, that it feels less like a death knell to a BL career if one of the actors says they no longer wanted to make BLs, or if they switched companies.

I pay a lot of attention to queerness in BL, and that has changed a little bit too, though not in the way I expected. I had been expecting a more clear and steady trajectory in BL, but we've instead had real swings, and I've realized there will just always be shows that feel more or less actually gay or queer than others, and that's ok. Early Thai shows really spoiled us for good queer content, GayOK Bangkok and Diary of Tootsies are still shows by which i measure what we get now, and both of those are from 2016. I would say that more "mainstream" BL (i.e. by one of the major production companies) hit what turned out to be queer saturation around 2020 and that's where I was most surprised not see a more clear trajectory; rather than things getting more queer from there, I'd say a greater percentage of shows overall feel more queer, but we haven't (and I now suspect won't) reach the queerness we had in Thai tv in 2016. That being said, my secret running list of things I want to see in BL gets shorter every year as entries get crossed off, so I would say the range of queer experience is slowly getting captured as more content continues to be made by a wider range of production houses (PrEP being mentioned in a mainstream show is my white whale).

I know some people assume that shows are higher heat now overall, but I don't think that's true. I do think Thai television producers and directors have overalll gotten better at capturing sensuality, and acting workshops have improved chemistry-building overall too. But from what I can tell the ratio of high head and low heat content is still pretty similar to what it's always been, maybe slightly higher (e.g. at a quick glance I'd guesstimate 30% of shows had a sex scene in 2018 vs 40% in 2023).

Fandom

The main differences in fandom from the really early days and now are the ways we, as international fans, are able to engage with each other, with thai audiences at the same time, and with content creators, and the entitlement that comes with that. In the 2010s we were almost always watching after Thai airing, with either fansubs or, later, official subs, trailing online releases by days or weeks, which themselves may have trailed the Thailand airing date by days or weeks or sometimes even months. That became less true around 2019ish, and especially in 2020 when I think Thai producers were desperate to reach audiences during the start of the pandemic (and when audiences were desperate for something to distract us from what was happening in real life).

As a fan in the mid-late 2010s, watching something was either unofficial via a fansubber, or you were wading through hundreds of Thai comments to find anyone else writing about the shows in English. Now, it's actually rare we don't have immediate international distribution, though it may be paid. If the subs are not up at the same time as the official upload, even on free sites, fans get furious. It's a bit surreal to see people complain about waiting a few hours for subtitles, especially on YouTube, when we sometimes waited months for a series to finish being subbed (not to say people didn't complain back then too, because they sure did! But there were fewer international fans overall, and it wasn't an expectation that there would be subs, so fewer people complained when it happened). This meant that a lot of people only watched shows when they were complete, and people were not watching with any kind of synchronicity.

With international fans moving into simultaneous watching with Thai audiences, we suddenly had the chance to talk about shows as they were airing and affect the conversations about them and even, sometimes, the decisions. Folks seem to have differing opinions about what makes a BL, and what makes a BL good, and they are vocal about when a show doesn't meet their standard. This has always been true, but the strong opinions have more of an effect on the discourse when they're expressed in real-time to the show being aired. Also, when we have literally 3x the number of Thai shows being aired (nevermind other countries which have also increased), it seems so much more egregious to me to complain if a single show doesn't meet your particular taste. Just go watch something else! That was less possible in 2016, but now nobody has any excuse lol Please note here that I'm not saying shows should not be criticized. But when you have one loud faction saying shows should have nothing but innocent kisses if any skinship at all and showing more is distasteful and possibly homophobic, and another faction saying a show should be panned if they don't have at least one sex scene and if there is no good kiss it's homophobic, I don't know where that leaves content creators but I see the tension and how it sometimes results in my least favourite tropes like "blushing maiden" even after a couple has canonically had sex. These factions have always existed in BL fandom, this is not new, they just both seem particularly silly now with so much content to choose from.

The shows that get attention and the shows that get snubbed feel the same too, in all honesty. You can ask yourself the following questions:

Is the show a little slower paced?

Are the story beats less melodramatic?

Do its characters feel more human?

Do they feel more queer?

Is it a comedy?

Is there any risk of an unhappy ending?

Do people not think one of the lead actors is hot?

Do people ship one of the lead actors with someone who isn't his costar?

Do people have to do anything other than go to YouTube to watch it?

If the answer is yes to any of those questions, and especially to the last one, fewer people will be watching, even if the show is good. That's always been true. [Shows I'm thinking about when I say that: Make it Right, He's Coming to Me, My Ride, You're My Sky, Oxygen (though the sides in this one are also at fault), YYY, Something in my Room, Ghost Host Ghost House, Dear Doctor I'm Coming for Soul, Cooking Crush.] All this is to say, there have always been shows that have been ignored, though I agree with you OP that with more shows airing, more are being ignored at any given time.

The other thing is that when a show is good, it doesn't necessarily invite discourse. The messes are often what encourage people to dig in, fill in gaps, linger in the adrenaline. The part that does feel different is also related to the increase in genre BLs; genre stuff in general tends to get more attention in fandom spaces, and the way people are functioning as fans feels different in that they're bringing the way they interact with genre content to BL as BL has started having larger and better funded genre content. I'm thinking about those early genre BLs like He She It, My Dream, Love Poison, Golden Blood, So Much In Love, Why R U....we started getting genre shows in BL in I think 2017 and basically had 1-2 a year until 2020ish and then it increased from there; and the ones that had funding and decent distribution got engagement until they started going off the rails, and then they had even more engagement and then fell off. I don't think it's a coincidence that the shows last year that got people to write meta were La Pluie, Be My Favorite, and I Feel You Linger in the Air. When a show is building a world, there's more to say and interrogate about it, and when a genre show fails, it can fail more spectacularly than a regular romance story. The most popular BL shows used to all be straight-up BL bubble romances, but I think genre shows really started to take over a greater percentage of the popular spots in 2022 and 2023. Again, the main difference here is that there used to be 1-2 stand-out shows per year, and now there are closer to 6+ per year, and as we got more stand-out shows the variety of what type of show stood out as popular has expanded. I do think the overall percentage of shows that are more standard romance plots has reduced, partly because Thai production companies are running out of popular y-novels to adapt. So I'm anticipating we'll continue to get more genre content going forward, and maybe a higher percentage of original works too.

Shows I'm Enjoying Right Now

Right now, the Thai shows airing that I'm watching are:

Cooking Crush

Dead Friend Forever

Cherry Magic Thailand

City of Stars

The Sign

Playboyy

PitBabe

7 Days before Valentine

For Him

Of those, I'd currently most recommend Cooking Crush as a generic BL recommendation. Dead Friend Forever is very good, but is not a romance and is difficult for some to watch (there are a lot of dark themes in addition to the gore and scary bits).

Cooking Crush is doing so many things I love. I've written about the way it's set up its major conflict to be amongst the friend group here, and way the show is depicting communication between the two main characters and how they improve their communication with one another as they get closer here. Two of my biggest BL pet peeves are a conflict for the sake of a dramatic penultimate episode that ignores or retcons a character's growth or the building of trust that a couple has already gone through in the series, so the fact that this show is working so hard to establish strong communication between its leads and then setting up the significant drama to actually about friendship rather than romance is something I cannot overstate my excitement about. To tie this back into what I wrote above, this reminds me of Diary of Tootsies and I mean that in the best possible way.

Dead Friend Foreever is, like I mentioned above, not a romance; it's a slasher horror melodrama with a very well established mystery, an ensemble cast of mostly hateable characters (which I admit isn't usually my thing, but since they're likely all going to die as a result of the genre they're in I'm finding that more tolerable than usual, and there is at least one character I like). DFF did a great job of structuring the story for the ultimate payoff of information reveals. There are a lot of shows that have been messing with non-linear storytelling recently, Cooking Crush being one of the ones that actually does this poorly in my opinion, but Dead Friend Forever effectively uses non-linear storytelling so that we find out important pieces of information about particular characters at a time when that information will have the most emotional impact on what is happening in the "present" of the storyline. Every time there is a reveal, it informs what we've already seen, recontextualizes it, and means we understand some of the character motivations and actions differently from when we saw them the first time. I mentioned above that there are dark themes in this show; one of the things that I really like about this show is that the impact of class is not glossed over, and that the consequences of these events feel very real for the characters; people do terrible things in this show, but these actions are not treated lightly by the show itself.

You'd think these two shows would have nothing in common, but there are things that they share that put them both in my top category. Generally, in both of these shows, the character arcs are clear and logical; when a character does something, even if I don't like the action itself, I can understand exactly why they that and can see how it matches where they are in their arc at the time. The shows show change in characters as a result of what they experience, and the relationships in this show really matter. When characters start acting in ways that feel out of character or against their own arc because they have to in order to drive the plot forward, I struggle to remain invested; that's not happening with either of these shows. Both of these shows also treat serious topics with seriousness, and consequences for actions are real and felt by the characters in the show (and if someone gets away with something, the show is clear that this is not just). Nothing has happened that hasn't been signalled or implied earlier. Both shows also have clear class consciousness and represent the disparity caused by classism in a critical/harsh light.

Whew! I think I got to everything you asked. Thanks again for the extremely interesting question!

[flowerbloom-arts]

You know, after watching 2019 Moominvalley's episode "The Trial", I have been thinking about the portrayal of Sniff's character on that series. From a meta perspective, Hobgoblin's appearance at the end of that episode is the embodiment of Gutsy itself noticing the damage done to Sniff and quickly fixing him with a character development spell.

"BOOM! Now he has empathy! That's the episode's message, if there was ever one. Oh yeah, now there is! This annoying, selfish, greedy creature can now feel empathy for his companions. That'll teach the children and the adult viewers a lesson," so Gutsy proudly claims. Except that said lesson does not feel earned. The need for a cosmic being's interference at the episode's climax feels like a cop out in the narrative, as if there was no better way to bring it to a closure.

This reminds me of the same issue I had with "Mrs. Fillyjonk's Last Hurrah". It's a good episode, well, until the climax. To sum it up: Mrs. Fillyjonk is actually not dead, yay! She wants all of her furniture and stuff given to others back at home. Understandable. One of said "stuff" Mrs. Fillyjonk had in possession a plush toy called Cedric, which was given away to Sniff. Moomintroll finds Sniff and asks him to give Cedric back to Mrs. Fillyjonk, to which Sniff says no as he explains why he is not giving it back.

That scene was meant to be about how Sniff's feelings are not irrelevant, it’s not about his selfishness. He should be heard as well, not ignored, but guess what? Moomintroll ignores him, the message about how people who feel mistreated by others need to be heard, he says some crap about sharing is caring and that's it. That missed the point and the episode could only be brought to a conclusion by Mrs. Fillyjonk giving Cedric back to Sniff after Moominpappa told her so.

Of course Moominpappa is not a cosmic entity, but still, it feels like Sniff is not a character on his own right. He is the embodiment of selfishness, a simplification of a character flaw, and when he stands up to himself, pouring his heart out to Moomintroll, he gets ignored. Like, that's so mean coming from a series about compassion, honesty and other virtues that come from within. Also, the series keep addressing Sniff as this selfish being fueled with greed, but I feel they never explain why he is that way. It's only "Selfish Sniff, selfish Sniff, selfish Sniff" but never "Why is he selfish? Because he wants to be rich so he can live without taking any risks and be accepted by others," but nah, let's forget that interesting bit of character, forget Sniff as a whole, he is not important and does not deserve anything right.

And that's it. I just wanted to share my opinion on 2019 Moominvalley. I have no drawing requests, but maybe... Maybe 70's and 90's Sniff comforting their 2019 counterpart, that would be nice.

I think the writers at Gutsy has some kind of vendetta against him at this point and I could make a list of dozens of reasons why I think that. Maybe if I rewatch the whole show when season 4 comes out.....

I've talked about the Sniff issue so many times and like. Yeah... They just. Either don't like him or don't know what to do with him, and I hope season 4 breaks the pattern atleast once.

[vaspider]

If you don't mind me asking, is the finasteride you're using for your hair a compound medication? Like, did you have to go to a special pharmacy for it? I've been on spirinolactone and minoxidil for my hair loss for a while, but since I'm starting T soon, I asked my dermatologist to switch me to topical finasteride and oral minoxidil, since the spirinolactone will interfere with the T too much. He was totally willing to do it, but he said he didn't know anyone who had topical finasteride, so he sent me a link to a website where I could buy a finasteride/minoxidil mix. Which is all well and good, but since it's technically OTC, I have to pay out of pocket, and it's... not cheap. So I was wondering if you also buy yours out of pocket, or if all I have to do is find a compounding pharmacy (which I've already done, since I'm hoping to get my T as a cream). No worries if you don't feel comfortable answering!

I tried to find a local compounding pharmacy that would do it for me, and I couldn't, so I ended up biting the bullet and ordering it out of pocket from Hers, yeah. IDK if that's where he sent you to, but that's the most common one that I hear of people using. (I fucking hate that I have to order it from a place called 'Hers', it makes me so annoyed.) It is not cheap, but the stuff lasts.

After talking with my doctor, he said that while they tell you to apply it every day, I could try five days out of seven and see if I liked the results, because it should be pretty close to the same and allow me to extend the out-of-pocket costs. So far, I am happy enough with the results I've gotten at doing 5 out of 7 days (like, I'm not jumping for joy period, but I'm definitely seeing improvement, I don't hate looking at my hairline anymore, I am admittedly vain about my hair) and it is alleviating that price.

(Also, stickers adhere really well to the bottles, FYI, so you can cover up the big HERS on the bottle and not have to look at it. I put some cute fox stickers on mine.)

[cacodaemonia]

20 Questions for Writers

Thanks so much for the tag, @lyntergalactic! :D I feel like I've done this before, but it must have been a whole ago. It looks fun! (also, I'm pasting just the questions at the bottom of the post if anyone wants to copy those)

1. How many works do you have on AO3? 247, though I'm not really sure what the ratio is for images versus fics... Okay, apparently, 97 of them are tagged with 'fanart' and have fewer than 100 words, so somewhere around 100 image-only works and 147 fics.

2. What's your total AO3 word count? 1,141,145; which includes a few collabs and fics for which I just contributed an image.

3. What fandoms do you write for? TCW exclusively 😅 Though I've done a handful of images for other things like Arcane, Dune, Trigun, The Expanse, House of the Dragon...

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos? A bunch of my works with the most kudos are images, but if we're talking fics, then I think it's just some of my oldest ones...

That’s Not How It Happened (This Is How It Happened) - Fives arc fix-it and my first fic.

Orbital Decay - Codywan that I haven't edited since I posted it, so I can't vouch for the quality.

Modulation - Another one I haven't touched since I posted it, but it's an 'Echo gets rescued much earlier than in canon and he and Fives reunite' fix-it of sorts.

Will You Walk With Me? - Waxer's pov from the start of the war to the (fix-it) end, and it mostly focuses on his and Boil's friendship (Waxer & Boil or Waxer/Boil pre-relationship - take your pick). Even though this certainly isn't the best thing I've written, it's my baby. 🧡

Interference - Umbara fix-it featuring minor canon characters and some necessary OCs in the first chapter, then more major canon characters later.

More stuff below the cut, since this is a long list...

5. Do you respond to comments? Yes!

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending? Probably You're Just Harder to See Than Most, which ends very sadly on its own, but it's part of a larger fix-it including Modulation above, so Fives and Echo get reunited.

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending? Pfff like basically all of them, idk XD;

8. Do you get hate on fics? No, just on one sketch dump, where someone went through 6 chapters of spicy cloneshippy images and then decided they needed to complain about it being gross and immoral 🤣 It was hysterical kjlksahfg

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind? Oh yes, I'm a certified smut goblin. Not really sure what the question means by 'what kind,' but I guess 'porn with feelings' is probably the AO3 tag that would most accurately describe all of the smut I've written XD

10. Do you write crossovers? Nope.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen? Not that I know of.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated? Nope.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before? Yes! :D

14. What’s your all time favorite ship? Hm, I suppose if we're defining that as like, "what ship have you intensely shipped for the longest amount of time," it would be destiel? I was veeeeeery into that ship for many years.

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will? I've had one wip sitting around for over a year, and for a while I was thinking I wasn't going to get back to it ever. But I made a little vibes playlist for it and had some help brainstorming, so I'm hopeful I can start tackling it again after I get some current stuff drafted.

16. What are your writing strengths? Starting something and working on it until it's finished.

17. What are your writing weaknesses? I have a lot of trouble generating ideas on my own.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic? I think it's fine as long as it's either A. very short and clear from context or B. for some reason, the writer is intending to confuse the reader and obfuscate what was said. I know I've said it before, but I'm not gonna scroll to the bottom of a fic every few paragraphs to find the translations for whole phrases or sentences. If the amount of 'other language' starts making the dialogue difficult to follow, I'm just gonna nope out.

19. First fandom you wrote for? Technically, I wrote one thing for Gundam Wing back in like 2000, but I can't even remember what I did with it or what it was about, exactly. Other than that, TCW.

20. Favorite fic you’ve written? flsdlfg that's really difficult... idk man, if it's quality we're talking about rather than sentimentality, I'd say it's a toss-up between these three 😅:

My Heart's Red Muscle - Canon-divergent AU where Waxer is a cyborg.

Kinktober 2022 - Character studies/development through smut, where Waxer and Boil find a list of sexy things to try out, so it's kind of meta. It's from my main Open Skies AU, and I'm weirdly proud of this one XD;

We Could Breathe Underwater - Force-sensitive Waxer and Boil AU

Phew! Okay this took me like three sessions to answer, but it was fun :)

No-pressure tags: anyone who sees this and wants to do it, plus @lizardberries @elismor @bilbosmom-belladonna @valkeakuulas @petrifiedforests @marbled-polecat @writegowrite @sophronist @marbled-polecat @ivalane

20 Questions for Writers

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

2. What's your total AO3 word count?

3. What fandoms do you write for?

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

5. Do you respond to comments?

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

8. Do you get hate on fics?

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

10. Do you write crossovers?

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

14. What’s your all time favorite ship?

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

16. What are your writing strengths?

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

19. First fandom you wrote for?

20. Favorite fic you’ve written?

[del3141]

This is... an experiment of sorts. I'm not sure if I'm going to stick with Tumblr when all is said and done; it's a friendly and fun site, but this isn't a place where I've felt like it's OK or welcome to post personal things. But I'm going to give it a shot.

CW: Growing-up trauma, parent-induced trauma, misanthropy. Heavy things. Long post.

This is something like automatic writing that I'm trying to do here, only the spirit I'm trying to channel is my subconscious. I don't know what its thesis is. But it needs to get some things out that have been troubling it for a long long time, and I'm going to do what I can to aid the process along in the only way I remember how, by writing it down. It's been a long time since I've done this.

I used to write things down a lot more. I wrote in a LiveJournal back when that was a thing. I had a small core of people I knew online, and I wrote for them, but I also wrote a lot for myself. I never liked having a journal just for myself, but I liked being able to write in a place where other people I knew and liked could share their thoughts on the things that I thought about.

Unfortunately, what happened to that was my father found the journal, well after I moved out and cut off contact with him, and he used it to try to get back in contact with me. I friends-only locked my posts after that, every single one, manually, that was how much I did not want him to be part of my life anymore. I also left a comment on my journal explaining that I did this because I didn't want family reading my journal. For a while, things were okay. A few posts of mine I got some comments from folks asking to unlock them so they could share - simple stuff, the one I remember was about what I thought of 4th ed D&D, because apparently I described it pretty well - so I unlocked a few for sharing. My father jumped on those. After that, I ended the journal. It's still out there on LJ, but it hasn't been posted to, and it won't be posted to again.

That, plus seeing what some of the truly evil shit done to people I know online, by places that openly celebrate harming people for who or what they are, got me to close off my online presence for over a decade. It seemed better to be invisible than to be vulnerable.

-----

A year or so ago, I sent one last email to my mother, in response to her latest of many, many attempts to convert me back into evangelical Christianity and sell me on being a Republican because schools are grooming children and because she fears for my soul and also because tired party-of-lincoln bullshit. This is after they very honestly told me about their running interference for my stepbrother, who is now convicted of the kind of crimes my parents think LGBTQ+ people are committing. I told her not to contact me again. She has respected my wishes.

I've not sent the one last email to my father, because I am concerned that any contact with him whatsoever will be used as a means to get more information on how to *continue* contact. The best approach I have devised involving him is to be a black box - no information goes to him from me. He continues to attempt to reach me, either through new email addresses or through social media invites from any direction he can manage. He's made actionable threats to others, and he'd do the same to me.

Sometimes I feel guilty that I've severed contact with my family. It doesn't last. Mostly what I feel is anger towards them, for being what they were and are. So much of the cruelty in the world that I see is so tightly wrapped up with the culture of my parents that, when I see things in the world that are hateful and cruel, the reaction in the back of my mind is: These are the things that my parents are putting into the world, eagerly, enthusiastically, with the confidence that God is on their side, and there are millions upon millions more just like them, eager to see the world carved bloody until it fits their expectations.

What I feel more than anything is... surrounded. I've separated myself from the shitty place I came from, but that place is just a microcosm of the species. There are things that this species does that are profoundly alien to me, sometimes even hostile, things it does to others of its own kind that it's deemed "not like us". The best you can get from a relationship like that is polite, tense tolerance; if things go badly, you can expect violence, of one kind or another. It feels like there is no in-road to be part of these communities - you can be tolerated among them, but you won't be accepted, if your mind and your ideals don't conform to theirs. You are here, and they will let you be here, but you are not welcome, and they are keeping an eye on you for behaviour that they will scorn.

I've now spent nearly forty years in a world where I am not welcome. I've learned to put on a very convincing mask, and that's kept me relatively safe for a very long time. It also helps that I'm a cis white male previously in the USA and now in Canada, I've had a lot of easy coasting on that because it makes the mask more acceptable. It takes a lot out of me to keep the mask up. It still feels safer to be invisible, but you can't be in the world without being a part of it.

It's a bit like being a mouse, living in the walls, nibbling at the edges of the world and just trying not to get caught or trapped.

[popculturebuffet]

Into the Spider-Verse Finale: Spider-Man: Into the Spiderverse Review (Comissioned by WeirdKev27)

In Memory of John Romita Senior 1930-2023

Let's do this one last time. I"m Jacob Mattingly, and for the past few months, i've been reviewing the first apperances of spider-men. I've seen them enjoy crackers and milk, knock themselves out on furnaces, drum to deal with their pent up angst, rage, get powers from a spooky god while buck naked, and crumple a pipe like paper in their hand. It's been a long, loving ride into comics that not only got my comics reviewing mojo back but allowed me to share one of my faviorite franchises with you fine folks, many of whom don't usually read comics.

So we've come to the end of this retrospective, a bit later thanks to all the chaos of me using, but appropriatley as the final review i'm doing from the only home i've ever known. After 561 reviews here, it's time to say goodbye and given this is both one of the best projects i've done in my career and one where i've finally started editing better, it feels like the note to go out on.

This review has also been super intemidating to start. I'm an animation and comics nerd.. and Into is easily one of the best animated films AND best superhero films ever. It's also MASSIVELY influental, something I didn't see coming when I walked out of the theater, but really should've and we're now starting to see in earnest now the production cycle has had enough time to catch up to this film being a MONSTER hit. From modern masterworks like Mitchells Vs the Machines and Puss In Boots: The Last Wish to upcoming possible greats like TMNT: Mutant Mayhem, it's very clear studios are now far more likely to break from the standard CG styles and do something fresh, and audiences fucking love it. I hadn't realized till this film how much you could play with animation, from the concept of ones and twos to making a comic book movie look like a comic book. Any time I paused while watching this it felt like looking at a panel. The art here is gorgeous and the script matches it. So the question was both what would I have to say about the film and would I be able to live up to it? The only way to find out. is to take the leap. So join me under the cut as we swing into the spider-verse once again and see what makes this film so great 5 years later. Also as a heads up spoilers for the sequel will be present so if you somehow havne't seen it, you've been warned.

Let's Do This One More Time.... To get into why this film happened we have to get into Sony's treatment of spider-man. Said treatment has been a near neverending cycle of doing something right with it.. only to do something that shoots what they did right several times in the foot, stabs it and lights it on fire. Sam Rami makes two great spider-man films? Let's overly interfere with the last one and weigh it down with a lot of stuff it didn't really need. Amazing Spider-Man was decent with two tremendous leads in Andrew Garfield and Emma Stone but had some places to improve like peter being a skater boy she said see you later boy? Let's get complicated with it, overly focusing on Peter's Parents, including PLANNING TO HAVE PETER'S DAD SHOW UP ALIVE, a mysterious man in a trench coat from a tie in novel, and make harry osborn into this.

It's hard to decide which is worse. I mean their both worse than that time Harry Got a Mustache in College

A very high bar no doubt, but it's hard to decide if modern pale emo kid or GNEEE GNEEE I'M THE GREEN GOBLIN GNEEE GNEE was worse. Though I think we all can agree sony deciding "You know this pathetic weirdo we just had kill one of our most popular characters? LET'S GIVE HIM A MOVIE" is just.. one of the most baffling decisions they've made. Popular Anti-Hero with his own history, rogues and dynamic outside of spider-man Venom makes us an unexpected hit? Let's give him a sequel.. which was actually logical. So naturally they also decide "let's make OTHER spider-man villians and anti heroes into their own movies" I mean who DOSEN'T want a kraven movie?.... me.. me don't want that. I want Kraven IN a movie, but why. And the less said about morbius that dosen't involve Matt Smith giving one hell of a performance or weirdly dancing to show off his impressive abs the better.

Why wasn't the film just... Matt Smith as a more villianous version of morbius? A riddle for the ages. The point is sony has a GOLDEN franchise.. but often has no idea what to do with it. It's why when this film was pitched they were trying badly to find something to do with it, hence Venom. So since they had an animation division that while not terrible only really had one franchise of note, head of spider-man stuff Amy Pascal went to two of the men who'd made one of the most succesful animated films of the time and who were on a high point in their career and asked what they would do. These men.. were Christopher Lord and Phil Miller. The two had had a rocky start in their careers, show running the cult hit Clone High, which while well loved to the point we finally got a new season this year that was pretty dang good, wasn't exactly a big hit. Eventually though the two broke out with 21 Jump Street, a film no one had a ton of faith in hearing about it, myself included. The film was a comedy reboot of the old series, lampooning the whole premise and lamp shading the hell out of everything from this being a reboot, to our heroes not remotely passing for high schoolers, to high school drama itself, and not only revived Lord, Miller and Stars Channing Tatum and Jonah Hill's careers. This naturally got a sequel, which was not only even better and more meta, cumulating in a hell of an ending lampshading the idea of this being a franchise, we also got one of the funniest scenes in the history of film. And yes that's a hill i'm wiling to die on.

And even THAT woudn't be it as the two would go on to make the Lego Movie, a film that was both stylistically brilliant, hilarious and used the property brilliantly AND followed that up with The Lego Batman Movie. The two had a clear talent for taking a property, doing something fresh with it while honroing what worked so they were a no brainer to ask to do this. As for why would they.... IT'S SPIDER-MAN. If I got offered to make a movie about spider-man i'd do it. Who wouldn't?

Ironically though while Miller and Lord had the creative vision, something even I didn't know till recently is that they didnt' direct the film. In fact out of them only Lord wrote the film, co writing it with Rodney Rothman, who also co-wrote 22 Jump Street which as established above, is quality as hell. Rothman's Resume up to Jumpstreet isn't really anything huge, having done writing stints on underclared, the short lived ups animated sitcom Game Over, and having been a writer on Letterman, the last of which i'm mostly noting because he proudly revealed he was the one Chris Farley threw in a dumpster, but he clearly just needed more of a shot as both films he's co-written prove.

He also wasn't flying solo in direction, with his co directors, while also inexperinced in directing for the most part, having far more animation experince. First up is bob perschetti, who did the story for the original puss in boots and a smaller film called the little prince, and did tons of storyboard work for dreamworks, having worked on Shrek 2, Monsters Vs Aliens, Flushed Away and Wallace and Gromit: Curse of the Were-Rabbit, which I previously covered. He was also an inbetweener on a smorgasboard of disney films.

Finally we have Peter Ramsey, the only one to have directed a theatrical film before this with Rise of the Guardians, and was a storyboard artist on a list of flims so massive and prestigous i'm just going to let this wikipedia screencap speak for itself.

Yeahhhh. See I point out the lack of direction credintials not to shame them, sometimes it can take decades before you get your shot, but more because it's so utterly shocking that as experinced as these guys are only one of them had directed before this. The film is gorgeous and groundbreaking.. and makes it that much more baffling it took this long for these three guys to get such a big , well deserved shot and given all have projects going on right now, I couldn't be happier.

So the production itself seemed to go smoothly for the most part. The only exceptions were Sony nixing a cameo from tom holland (as they found it confusing) and something massive: one year out from the film being released Lord and Miller felt the film wasn't working and thus decided to rewrite it. This itself dosen't seem too bad, a year seems like a lot of time... but in animation terms.. that's hardly anything and also heavily involved taking what they already had and figuring out how to recontextualize it. If you couldn't tell from going that far, the duo were fans, having read spider-man comics and done research for it, picking thier spider-men carefully. The results.. well the results are nothing short of amazing, spectacular or peter parker.

Taking the Leap: As I mentioned earlier Spider-verse.. changed film animation. This isn't hyperbole either; if you look at the bulk of this year's animated films their all more stylistic with many, TMNT: Mutant Mayhem and Nimona in paticular, using a combo of 2d and 3d animation and it stretches into last year two with The Bad Guys and Puss in Boots and in 2020 with Sony's own Mitchell's Vs the Machines. More studios are experimenting with their style and trying something diffrent and what's more remarkable is that.. they aren't just 1:1 copying spiderverse. Many have taken it's sketchy style sure , but no one's doing it the exact same way: Spider-Verse often resembles a comic book, TMNT a sketch book and nimona something else entirely. Each is drawn and rendered.. but each in a way all it's own.

It's not to say films before this didn't have their own style: as my friend Kammie pointed out in a long conversation about animation recently, Dreamworks has always had it's distinct character models and before this The Peanut Movie (one of my faviorite cg animated films ever) and Rango both tried to play with it. Peanuts in paticular also took a stab at emulating the comics it's based on. The problem was while both films were gorgeous.. neither really took off. Peantus was a modest success, but the Schultz family had no interest in a sequel, while Rango didn't really land at the box office. And when something fails hollywood tends to blame the work itself and not circumstance or

Spider-Verse broke that by not only being a mainstream hit but one that really worked the animation as hard as it could. It gets .. incredibly technical and even I wasn't aware of how much till going to tv tropes but simply: most animation is done on ones or twos. Ones means a unique image every frame, twos means a unique image every other frame. You usally use one or the other. Spider-Man.. does BOTH, which is as exausting as it sounds, using 2s on the characters and 1's on the character work to give it a more dynamic vision, and shaking it up when needed, such as having miles on ones for most of the film , the rest of the spider people on twos, and then miles on twos after the what's up danger scene. It's a LOT of dedication and that's not even getting to how every spider-person has a slightly diffrent animation style. The results are eye candy in it's purest form: every pause is a panel, every action catches your eye, everything works. And the panel part is paticuarlly notable as the crew did their damndest to make this LOOK like a comic in motion. It's something that , as many great comic book movies and superhero films as we've had.. you simply cannot do in live action. So if it's so obvious why did it take till 2018 to do?

It's likely other suprehero animated films had the idea.. but there was no way in hell they were getting the budget to do it. And if you've seen say the incredibles, mask of the phantasm of megamind, those budgets are already pretty damn vast for their times. Animation is a great medium.. but when it comes to film... the big studios get complacient really fast. Animated Films are EXPENSIVE and a huge swing like this is a radioactive spider-risk. It's why up until spider-verse most studios have stuck to their guns: Disney and Pixar have ocasoinal style shifts but you can genuinely tell when a film's by either stuido, Illumination basks in it's cheap but effective house style, and Warner.. well warner just dosen't give a shit in general why would it here. Dreamworks is the only one that really shook up styles and even then until this year they didn't shake up how they aniamted. After all if it works.. why fix it. And before anyone asks, no i'm not saying "ALL THESE OMVIES ARE TERRIBLE FUCK THEM AMIRITE". I'm saying that the industry got complacent and it's something I, an animation critic, didn't even realize till spider-verse's effects started being felt. Animation really did change because this one film took a leap and it's only for the better: Mutant Mayhem looks to be the best tmnt adaptatoin ever, a VERY high bar from an obessive tmnt fan like me, Nimona looks awesome, i've heard good things abotu Ruby Gilman from Kammie, and Puss In Boots was fucking magic. And while they all likely woud've ben good regardless, this leap has really changed things and hopefully will continue to from here on out as more and more new films catch up lead time wise. To quote Kammie

"The new giants of major western movie animation are Sony and Dreamworks, they're willing to innovate and take risks where most other studios falter and resort to retreading old territory or using stock plots. Do they still innovate technicalogically? Yes. Does that matter when you make movies that only look slightly more realistic than the last one you did? No. We don't go to animation for realism, we go to it for escapism, to see worlds that are utterly impossible and larger-than-life characters, find places that we can only visit in our dreams, to see sheer spectacle that's not possible in live action. Animation more than anything is only limited by technology, and it's a testament to it that most live action films have CGI, a form of animation, involved in making them what they are."

But animation is only half of it. How's the story? Good: But that's pretty obvious so let's go into our characters and what not shall we?

Miles Morales: Anyone Can Wear the Mask

So first up danger is our hero.. well one of many but Miles is our focus and was a perfect choice for it: his arc in the comics is a coming of age story in the vein of the original and ultimate spider-men (the latter being miles predecessor), and really explores what it means to be spider-man: in the comics Miles rejects the idea outright until peter dies.. and he realizes with great power comes great responsiblity and that he can be what peter was.. and then has to settle into the harsh realities of being spidey as well as the good it brings. Bringing a character like that into a story with a bunch of other spider-man all showing what it could mean with diffrent people was genius. The film also nicely tweaks things to make an already good story better. The first is miles age: in the comics he's currently 16-17.. but started out as a 13 year old. The idea worked, both to seperate it from the 16 year old peter he replaced and to make the danger that much more horrifying as it's happening to a much younger person and make some doubts about him doing it more understandable, but it works better to have miles as a teen here, to have him grown up just enough to understand a lot.. but still question who he is. It also allows the nice parallel of getting his powers around the same age as peter.

Another is that in the comics while Miles gets into brooklyn visions by lottery.. what that means for him really isn't focused on. It's hard, but he adjusts to it fairly well and the issue is more having to spider-man from a heavily montired private dormintory. Into instead explores what it would really mean for a kid from a working class family having to leave all the people he knew and grew up with to go to a fancy prep school where most of his classmates ignore him at best. In the comics Miles at least had his best friend going with him: here's he's just alone in an unfamiliar place he badly wants to leave.

I also like that his getting into the school isn't ALL luck. While he literally won the lottery, and yes they really do lottery children's chances for a better future and yes it's fucked up, his mom makes note of him passing the entrance exam and while trying to flunk out delbieratley, his teacher notes he got an exact zero... and then gives him a 100 as to get the answers THAT wrong.. you have to know all of them. Miles is a smart kid.. but he just hates where he is because he's alone. It's not helped by his.. let's say complicated relationship with his dad. Jefferson.. is not the most likeable guy. He's more than the comics where he's an out and out anti-mutant racist douchebag who outright abandons his son when he finds out (he DOES get better, but it's still a dick move), but he's still a domenering presence: when Miles brings up wanting to leave the school Jefferson is admant on him staying. He refuses to really.. empthaize with his son, being mad at his habit of putting up nametags, not really supporting his grafiti art (another deft addition to the character It ruly love), and not really getting him. Jefferson MEANS well: he wants miles to have a life jeff didn't. Like in the comics i'ts heavily implied Jeff didn't really start with anything nor did he or Aaron have the best life, having to steal to survive. He grew past it while Aaron embraced the criminal life style, but it's clear Jefferson WANTS his son to do better.. but is so stubborn and controlling he can't see that miles is miserable and that he needs to stop putting his foot down and start actually listening. The school WILL be good for miles in the long run.. but it's hard for him to see that without anyone helping him. It's easy to see WHY Miles prefers his uncle. Aaron davis isn't the best person, and we'll get to that.. b ut it's clear he loves his nephew and encourages him in school. It's just Aaron also takes the time to LISTEN, to try and gently push miles, asking him what he actually likes about the schol, encouraging him to make a move on his crush. Grnated the shoulder touch is a very awkward move no one should try and I never would, seriously don't touch a woman without their permission folks, but he means well with it. He also wants better for Miles.. he just respects miles more as a person. And with Miles feeling like one person but being shoved in another direction... being spider-man was the last thing he needed. Something I like about Miles as a character both here and in the comics.. is that being spider-man DOSEN'T make his life better at first. See even if most spider-men eventually get the lowered boom of someone they love dying, most get to at least enjoy it first. Looking back at the origins, Peter getting his powers takes a young nerd with no power and gives him all of it, Spider-Ham got a surrogate mom and teh power to crumple other peoples pipes like paper in his hand, while NOir's origin was.. less than ideal

He still got the power to fight back against a corrupt world, and Gwen much like peter got a power high. Miles.. never gets that in either version. In the comics he's utterly terrified and here he not only gets that.. but also gets humilated: trying the touch fails..as it likely woul'dve anyway, and instead messes up gwen's hair in the short run and makes it kick ass in the long run, sends him running in a panic from school security, and gets him stuck to about 80 dozen things. It shows the part most spidey origins and a chunk of superhero origins skip: that while getting powers is fun.. the learning curve usually sucks. Instead of the power high.. miles is just terrified by what he is and what he must do now and has no idea what he's doing. While most spider-man get the good of it first and have to learn the harsh realities of being a superhero later, usually with some horrific death, miles is one who from the get go realized with great powers comes a spinerett load of trauma. It's something the next film will deconstruct, but for now it's simply stripping that back and showing that while anyone can be spider-man.. it's not exactly a fun job as it is on paper.

So Miles goes to try find his uncle and when that fails, goes to the place he got bit by the spider..

Because he gets thrown into a supervillian battle, meets the real spider-man, and gets a hard truth from Peter Peter: You're like me. Miles: I don't want to be. Peter: I don't think you have a choice, kiddo.

It's not Blonde Peter being harsh or cruel.. he's just honest. You can try running away from powers, trying to live a normal life.. but eventually it catches up with you. Peter's tried to quit multiple times.. but it dosen't stick because great power, great responsibility. He can try and give up, leave it to other guys.. but at the end of the day having this gift means using it wisely.. and in miles case having it also makes him a target. And Miles ALMOST gets a mentor.. but then peter dies and gruffly tells Miles "You gotta save the world now slugger". Oh and not two seconds later he nearly dies getting chased by a superman. And he wasn't even supposed to be here today. Honestly I didn't even realize till I sat down to write this but the first half hour or so of the film.. is pretty bleak for miles. He gets power he dosen't want, has to watch the world's greatest hero die, and is left in charge of a major task that someone with a decades more experince died trying to do. Oh and he was told to keep it secret and can't tell those he loves. His life is just one hard long cruel cosmic joke.. and the sequel makes it even worse given we now know the spider wasn't even supposed to bite him and he gets BLAMED for watching someone die. Also just to get this out of the way now, while I was calling bullshit on Miguels claims Miles was responsible for Peter's death in the theater, I did watch the scene carefully just to throughly debunk this. And shockity shock... Peter would've died whether miles was there or not. The goblin suckers him slightly due to miles.. but it's nothing that really slows him down or injures him. What ultimately leaves peter at deaths door and weak enough for the kingpin to do his finisher on the poor guy is getting ganged up on by Prowler and Goblin, and then slammed into the collider. Aaron would've been there, Norman would've been there.. this all was supposed to happen, as tragic as it was. Fate changed by Miles getting bit.. but it changed this world at least for the better as it'd probably be gone along with 5 more spiderpeople and incalculable innocents. So in conclusion: eat a dick miguel, let's move on.

So with that Miles is left shattered and wonders home.. and Jefferson is warm and supportive and just kidding: he tells miles he made a commitment, rio has to give him a look like "come on" and when asked if he hates spider-man, while his child is clearly shaken by SOMETHING, his reponse is "well yeah".

And with the power of hindsight this .. really underlines why Miles has confidence issues the rest of the film. Why he struggles with his powers: he was already feeling out of place in his new school and having most of what makes him who he is questioned by his dad, and then he goes through spider-puberty and watches the world's greatest hero get body slammed into a science machine, gets yelled at by said hero that

Watches said hero get mob executioned by a villian he now has to stop, and then gets chased by his top enforcer while spooky but dope as fuck music played. It's a miracle Miles hasn't had a full on nervous breakdown after all this, let alone gets up, and decides he HAS to press on, visiting the memorial and realizing that no one else is going to come do this.. I mean they will but what makes it work is he dosen't know that yet. All miles knows is the one thing keeping the city from falling apart is gone, and he's the only one who can do this and as rightfully scared and afraid and alone the poor boy is... he has to try. He may not be quite ready to take the leap.. but he's ready to put a foot off the roof.

While miles has plenty of deadly and superior foes to fight.. his ultimate enemy is himself...

.... metaphorically this movie. Miles has the heart of a hero.. but is so scared by being one and so sure he CAN'T do it that it's a self fufilling prophecy. It's something expertly shown in how his powers work: he can't get his hands to stick or unstick on queue or his camo to work unless he needs it to flee. His powers are acting on his panic and anxiety. As peter points out with the sticking, it only lets go when you relax and Miles can't relax, he can't relax cuz he's a boinger.. and because you know, he's in a VERY stressful situation. Most spider-men at least get a few simple crooks before they get to the supervillians. Miles has to fight the sinister six on his first day. I'ts easy to see why he can't trust himself: if a peter ten years deep in can't do it, how can he? It's telling the one time pre-what's up danger miles really masters his abilities fully is with web swinging, when he just has a chance to relax and learn.

It's not helped by Miles essentially seeing the ghosts of his future right in front of him: Through Peter Prime, he's seen he can die easily. Through peter b. he sees even if he dosen't being spider-man might destroy his personal life. and through gwen he's seen how he could grow isolated and alone through tragedy. He sees his possible future in two people he grows to love, one platonically one nto so much both who we'll get to, and it scares him. It doesn't help Peter. B is the ONLY spider person willing to give him a chance: while Gwen likes him, she thinks he's not ready and the others all expect him to be spider-man NOW dammit, when all of them had a much less steep learning curve. Except Peni, her learning curve was basically "Suprise we released the spider your dad made into this room! Enjoy being radioactive!"

Into The Spider-Verse is ultimately a film about how others expectations of you can eat you alive.. and the only way to really escape that.. is to be yourself. Not to IGNORE that other people exist or be a callous jackass, but to trust in yourself you'll make the right call. To trust you to do the right thing when things are their darkest.

And it's ironic that what finally gets him to have faith in himself.. is the person who seemed to have the least faith in him. In the end the person who enrcourages miles is Jefferson. While miles has been having his arc.. Jeff has had his own, as miles has been mia since meeting peter. b, and then found his brother dead.. and blamed miles as spider-man for it. Thankfully this gets cleared up enough, but it clearly rattled Jeff enough to realize that holding fast and trying to be constantly authortive and unbending.. isn't working and never has. It's only by opening up does he not only finally close the gap with his son, even if that comes AFTER all this because you know, webbed up mouth and all, but makes miles finally have some confidence in himself. And the speeech itself is just.. beautiful.

Jefferson Davis : Look, sometimes... people drift apart, Miles. And I don't want that to happen to us, okay? Look, I know I don't always do what you need me to do or say what you need me to say, but I... I see this... this spark in you, it's amazing, it's why I push you. But it's yours, and whatever you choose to do with it, you'll be great.

I'll also give Brian Tyree Henry credit as he's just perfect in the role, being a hardass.. but in a way that makes it clear he's not 100% dick and here him opening up.. is beautiful. And it's really what miles needed: While Peter. B wasn't a TERRIBLE mentor, trying his best to encourage miles, what miles ultimately needed was the simplest message: be yourself. Which yes is INCREDIBLY common in animated media. But it's done well here. It also makes me wish the cut line with peter used in the trailers was used here as it really gets to the heart of the film: Don't do it like me, do it like you. Miles problem was that he tried too hard to be what others wanted and that people pushed him to hard to be somethign else, wether that meant instantlly accepting a hard situation in his new school from his dad or instantly fitting the role as spider-man from the other spider-people. it's only when he's told just.. do it his way that he finally can accept it.. and can finally CONTROL it. What I like is that while in a lot of other superhero films, miles suddenly being able to control his powers would be an asspull .. here it's CAREFULLY set up: Miles coudlnt' really control them because he was scared. It's once he lets go of his fear of death, fear of failure, and fear of himself.. that he can take a leap of faith. His ascendency to spider-man is also one of the best sequences in any animated movie. Not taking notes on that. It just is.

Every fucking second of this is perfect. "What's Up Danger" itself is dope as fuck, and perfectly fits the song. Black Caviar's beat is pure magic and Blackways lyrics perfectly fit the confidence Miles finally has. Their a bit rougher than him but fit who he is NOW: he is the amazing, spectacular, the ULTIMATE spider-man. After a whole film of doubting himself, not knowing where to go or what to do or if he can do this... HE CAN. And he WILL. There's so many great moments: him spraypainting the costume, taking one of peter's looks and making it is his own with his own talent and passion, the now iconic upside down falling shot that graced every trailer, and him swinging and wall jumping through new york, finally embracing his power... all capped with him lifting the mask, panting in exaustion... and then smiling. He's got this.

The insuing big damn heroes during the brawl with the sinister six is great. He shows up invisible, easily turns the table on liv and shows up, and it's also heartwarming how rather than tell him to go home or any other such nonsense.. everyone is HAPPY he's here. They didn't put him back because they didn't like him.. they kept him back because they didn't want him to die stupidly. NOw he CAN fight and has the confidence and skill to.. their happy to have him.

I also like how while all the spider-people ge ttheir moments and we get one hell of a three on one battle between doc ock , miles, peter and gwen, the final fight, the true final test.. is miles alone. Everyone gets to shine as the villians get whittled down to one.. but ultimately the final battle only works if it's miles alone: one final test as spider-man: Miles vs Fisk. The All-New All-Diffrent Spider-Man vs the man who murdered the original. The Kingpin of Crime Vs your Friendly Neighborhood Spider-man. It's a truly harrowing fight, one where Miles is often overwhelmed, but does what all spider-men do: get back, keep fighting. Do everything he can. With jeffersons support one last time miles goes from a scared child.. to catching this thief just like a fly.. complete with bug zapper. The touch of using the.. well shoulder touch is fucking amazing, hilaroius, heartwrenching.. and awesome. The man who killed his uncle, who nearly destroyed new york is down. The universe is saved... all thanks to brooklyn's own friendly neighborhood spider-man. Miles ends the film sure of himself, happy and with his father accepting him. He misses everyone.. but he'll see them again. He just might come to regret it but hey.. that's for next time.

As a quick epilogue, I ALMOST forgot to mention but Shamiek Moore is fucking perfect in the role. While Donald Glover would've been a great fit, Moore brings a youthful energy that perfectly fits the character. Moore handles the characters journey, the humor, and the heartbreak all beautifully.

Peter B. Parker, the Spectacular Spider-Mess

While this film is focused on the new kid on the webs, Lord and Miller still decided to include the Spider-Man everyone was familiar with. In fact.. they lean INTO how familiar we are to play with peter as a character. When they give their stories for the comics brilliant origin sequences, they both know to just.. gloss over most of the stuff we're familiar with.. and to basically apologize for the emo peter dance. Lord and MIller clevelry use the rami films as a refrence point. Then they do something ENTIRELY new in terms of adapting peter at this point: this peter.. has been at this for a while. It's something Insomniac would also use for their universe and honestly.. is quitely brilliant. In the comics.. peter HAS been at this for about a decade.. exactly how long has been kept vauge, but he's always pushing 30. Most adaptations though want to start with peter fairly early in his career: while some cartoons like Ultimate, Spectacular or Animated Series start with peter mid career, it's still fairly early and before he faces most of his arch enemies. It also makes sense: after all if your making a spider-man universe from scratch, why would you start with him already knowing how to fight these guys? The comics have the advantage of years of continuity, so writers can do what they want with the bad guys basically. But since a new continuintiy means you can do the latter from the top, why would you start in the middle of your story? It CAN work as shown here and with , while I sadly can't play them because no ps4 or 5, the insomniac games, but with the latter it works to the games advantage to have you play a peter whose already a kicker of ass first class.

Here though instead it's used for something even the comics often have their hands tied from doing: to show just how TIRED spider-man would be after a decade of this. While Blonde Peter is great at the job, has a loving aunt, and an adoring wife... he's still so very tired. He says so when fighting Prowler. It's clear the heir of "I can always do this, i'm spider-man" is as much a coping mechanism as it is determination. It explores the idea that peter's drive to keep going, to do the imposisble would wear him down eventually.. and given the crap he has to go through in the comics because writers think there needs to be added DRAMA, you can't blame him. Peter. B shows where this leads.. a peter who has 80 tons of broken bones, stopped taking care of himself, and is slowly falling apart after Aunt May's death, cumilating in pushing MJ away after she wanted kids.. and he was scared of it. Which given what his life is like is actually understandable. It's also a type of fear the comics have only been able to explore in AU's: editors have been dicks about the idea of peter having kids, and the one time he seriously was about ot have one before it was kidnapped, he was retired.. then it got kidnapped and disappeared because clone saga. Here we see the fear he'd have.. and peter sabotaging his own life as MJ seems relcutant as he is to divorce and the peter left in the aftermath is crying in a bathtub in his full costume

This is a peter who ONLY has being spider-man and we see how deeply unhealthy that is. Part of what makes Peter Parker so great, what's kept spider-man enduring.. is relatablity. Peter struggles with the same stuff most of us do: holding down a job, crappy bosses, relationship issues, juggling family with your life, friendships getting complicated... it's the ballancing act of having a regular life and also punching the kangaroo in the face while he's at it that makes spider-man compelling and it's finding new ways to do that, from having peter teach at his old high school to having him actually get a science job, that makes this character endure. Here though.. it's just Spider-Man and we see how unhealthy that is: May is dead, he pushed MJ and likely anyone else in his life away... peter only has being spider-man left, and action can be a reward but it can't give you a fulfilling life. This is a peter whose just going through the motions and badly broken. It's very telling that when Miles tries to use "With Great Power Comes Great Responsiblity" , the HEART of what spider-man, any spider-man, woman or ham, is, Peter responds with a very harsh "DON'T finish that sentence. I'm so tired of people using that". He's a peter whose so far to the edge he's willing to leave miles world to die just to get back to a life that's deeply miserable. In most cases spider-man would swing at the right thing but Peter B is just so very tired he just wants to go home.

But he's still spider-man.. and eventually realizes as much as he wants to.. he can't leave miles there and he can't leave this world to die. The movie is also good in not letting peter dangle off the edge of being absolutely awful too long. He refuses to save the world at first.. but it's clear Miles gets to him right away. He's still a mess.. but he's also Spider-Man. He's also peter parker. And May raised him better. The relationship between Peter B and Miles.. is fantastically done, with Miles slowly opening up his new mentor and Peter B slowly rediscovering what he actually liked about the job... and that maybe he CAN be a dad and spider-man. We see his humor slowly come back, him swatting the cape away from miles, gleefully pointing out what to do. He's still not the BEST teacher, wanting miles to just wait.. but when miles has to come along, he's grumpy for a few seconds then roles with it. We start with Peter. B seeing how worn down he is...but here we see all the experince and skill of his blonde counterpart. He's still the science nerd who can memorize a complicated password and can't grasp that miles can't. He's still a mess, trying to flirt with what turns otu to be his aunt's ex.. and also doc ock, but we see a subtle change, cumilating in the heartwarming scene of him and miles swinging together. peter may be a mild dick and a human disaster.. but he's a good man. By the time all the spider-people are together and doubting miles.. peter. b is the only one who sees how much this quest means to hte boy and is advocating for him. To them Miles is in over his head.. but Peter sees the spark in miles Jefferson does. He sees a kid who was thrown in the deep of this and the last thing MIles need is 80 people telling him he can't do it. It's likely that, just like Blonde Peter, Peter. B sees the pain and confusion that comes from starting as spider-man clear as day and if he can help miles avoid that, he will. Jake Johnson is phenominal in this role, helping show the depth behind this kind of peter. It best shows after the house fight: While Peter is trying to get Miles to stay behind and is willing to die to save his world... he's doing it for MOSTLY noble reasons. Miles really WASN'T ready and as Peter pointed out, he needed to be ready to just take a leap of faith. He's gone from wanting to abandon miles because he dosen't care.. to leaving him behind because he dosen't want his surrogate son to die horribly trying to fufill a promise he's not ready for. Granted like I said it's mostly noble: its very clear Peter. B is also doing this.. because he feels himself expendible. He has nothing to go back to, the others do. Miles has more to live for. If he dies staying here... what's he leaving behind? It's what makes his ending so rewarding: He sees miles finally take that leap and as I mentioned before he's nothing but happy Miles finally has got it and fights alongside his new son, realizing maybe he does want kids. He still plans to stay behind.. and the student becomes the teacher, with Miles pointing out he can't.. things with MJ aren't broken.. he still has time to make it right. He still has something to live for. It's hard.. but so was becoming spider-man for miles. If Peter. B is ready to die for this dimension.. he can live for MJ and for his protege. So he ends the film making up with her with Mj's smile showing she welcomes him back.. and as we'll see he really gets his happily ever after. But we'll get more on that next time.

Vault of Spiders

So now we've come to the other spider-people. First up our most prominent, Gwen, whose mostly taken 1:1 from the comics: She became Spider-Woman, then learned the great power great responsiblity lesson the hard way when she fought the lizard.. and he died revealing peter parker, her best friend who just wanted to be like her, leaving her alone. There's more to it, but that's best left for the next film when we get her origin in full. Gwen is done well here: the punk haircut fits her perfectly and Hailee Steinfeld is unsurprisingly awesome as her and gets Gwen's loneliness, standoffishness, and badassery perfectly, and we see her slowly open up to miles, with her doubts coming off less as bein ga jerk and more as being worried for him. We also get some nice subtle bits: while she mentions her best friends.. only WE know her best friend was a peter, and that being surrounded by about 4 of him and having to talk to aunt may, who she's also close to in her dimension, is likely a LOT for the poor kid. She also gets some genuinely cute moments with miles, from their first meeting in class, to the disastrous touch (and the later great brick joke of "you don't get to like it"), to the bus scene). Orignally the two WERE suppposed to be a couple.. but i'm glad they left the more overt romance for the sequels, as the films packed enough as is and it gives it more build. It's clear there's an attraction there.. there just isn't time for it given the possible dimensional apocalypse. That's what sequels are for.

That said I do think had they focused on just three spider-persons we might of had more of an arc for Gwen... instead we get a lot of personality but not who she is. I'd be harder on this.. but to the crews and the next batch of directors credit, they realized this and in the next film, and likely extending into Beyond, she's the deutragonist. So it's hard to be on this when they realized what they had next go round. The other spider-people on the other hand.. feel like a massive wasted opportunity. Casting wise it's all pitch perfect: Nicholas Cage is perfet for a noir parody and is utterly hilarious, John Mulaney's everyman voice is perfect for spider-ham, helping emphasise how weird this is, and Peni's serious nature and anime stylings are something the beloved Kimiko Glenn gets down perfectly. I was so happy to see her in a movie this size. And adaptation wise.. 2/3 ain't bad. Spider-Ham is pitch perfect from the source and Peni, while having her anime stylings here focused on a bit more, still has her science background and driven nature. Noir Peter though.. yeah while he's not TERRIBLE on his own in terms of actually adapting the character... it's wince inducing. I don't mind not going 1:1 and given the limited screen time I don't mind playing into the noir nature for laughs. My issue is more that Noir's world is so insanely dark, THAT could've been played for laughs instead. I mean again THIS is how peter gets his powers there.

Just have Nicholas cage casually rattle that off. I get not bringing up the rampant death but it just feels like a missed opprotunity to not really use anything from the actual comics other than the costume. The rubix cube joke is great. So you have three all time great performers.. but they don't get much to do. I was among the fans disapointed they weren't in the sequel, and only not as much as some others because I figured they were saving them for the sequel.. and after seeing the film and it's cliffhanger, that turned out to be EXACTLY it. It's a bummer they aren't in across but given how much it crammed into it's long runtime and how much it has left to go, and how the mystery of why noir and ham weren't with the society's whole creepy philosphy when their friends drank the kool aid is a neat hook.

They get great bits, Noir saying he has to burn his hand to feel something, Ham getting side eyed by the other two when he mentions he was a pig bitten by a spider.. which for those who didn't read the rest of the restrospective if your wondering ..

We also get a great drmatic bit. Originally in the scene where everyone sympathizes with Miles, Spider-ham made a stupid joke about his uncle frankfurter. it was funny.. but kinda wrecked the scene. So they instead switched it with one of the most heartbreaking lines in all of animation, which Mulaney NAILS.

Just the devistaition on that pig's face. And i'm hoping we find out what the fuck the story was there in Beyond.. but i'm perfectly happy with not knowing. Because it makes it that much more devistating. We don't know what he lost. We just know he hurts and that the hardest thing about being a spider-man.. is you just can't save them all. So naturally ham got a spinoff, Caught in a Ham. Caught in a Ham.. is decent a theatrical style short that explains what ham was doing. It's.. fine.. the various villian puns are fun and it clearly takes a lot from warner, but the animation is ENTIRELY cheap, and the villian, dr crawdaddy is just... what. Seriously you have so many fun animal versions of spideys rogues and better new foes.. and this is what you go with. And no making fun of how lame he is dosen't work. That jokes been done a lot. You have to do it well and they really didn't. Dr Crawdaddy is bad but it's not hialriously bad. Caught in a hami s okay but it was a massive disapointment and Mulaney deserved better.

So now we have those who can spin a web any size and catch a theif just like flies covered, we have to talk about one of spider-man's most important aspects The Superior Foes of Spider-Man

Look spider-man is popular for a lot of reasons: a deep facinating character no matter whose wearing the mask, a varied, visually intresting and cool power set, the idea that anyone can be spider-man. All this is true. But one of the biggest.. is his Rogues gallery. Spider-Man easily has one of the best rogues galleries in all of superhero fiction, with only batman providing competition. Just off the top of my head you have Green Goblin, Hobgoblin, Doc Ock, Electro, Beetle, Boomerang, Scorpion, The Kingpin, Rhino, Hammerhead, Tombstone, Shocker, Vulture, Kraven, Mysterio, The Lizard, Stegron the Dinosaur Man, The Spot, The Gibbon, Mr Negative, The Enforcers, Mountain Man Marko, Chance, Venom, Carnage, Hypno Hustler, Rocket Racer, Sandman, The Tinkerer, The Prowler, Lady Electro, White Rabbit, Overdrive, Hydro Man, Chameleon, The Iguana, and of course his greatest enemy PAUL.

Or Maybe it's Zeb wells. Who knows? The larger point is spider-man has a LARGE pool of villians to tap, so Lord and MIller's Solution: GRAB AS MANY AS POSSIBLE AND DO WHATEVER. Yeah while like i've said The Kingpin has a full sinister six going, even if sadly never 6 at once as one dies and he kills another, it still counts as their still all under him and just let me have this for once dammit. Seriously if it's not an ongoing cartoon, they will NOT give us the sinister six. Even far from home came as close as we've got and still didn't think maybe one more? LET ME HAVE A PROPER SINISTER SIX IN MY SPIDER-MAN MOVIE DAMMIT.

That said they really only focus on three of the six: the other villians in Fisk's posse are more there just to hit things and give us enough villians so every spider-man can have a turn. And given Spider-man has guys like the rhino that would fit the mold better I question why they went with Green Goblin and Tombstone. With the former i'll admit to being biased: Norman Osborn is one of my faviorite super villians and Harry is certainly somewhere on the list. One of the first spidey comics I read was Amazing Spider-Man #39, and it's followup #40, one of the best spidey comics of all time and with one of the best covers too

This was boosted both by the first Rami film, where Dafoe does a truly amazing job, and the ultimate comics where Norman , while bulking up a bunch is a serious horrifying threat. Here.. h'es just a dummy dum dumb and I get it to a point, part of it is to emphasise the alternate nature of miles universe: in most the green goblin is spider-man's greatest threat, here he's just one of many and while a challenge, not his arch enemy or even in the running it seems. It just dosen't work for me. I'm fine with making some changes, but this one just didn't qutie work. He does look really impressive though and I do get this is likely a me thing and it dosen't really HURT the film, so while I may not like it a bunch I can't say it's as bad as some adaptation changes. I'ts no "Peter dosen't have change for choclate milk and gets thrown it by the robber who kills uncle ben" or making harry osborn into some sort of gneeing snot monster.. and that's bEFORE he takes the goblin drugs.

Tombstone also isn't handled the best, as he's fairly smart and chilling in the comics. I don't take it as personally but it's still iffy to take a black man and make him subservient to a white man. That never plays well. Hammerhead would've been a better choice and still been visually distinct. I

Finally we have Scorpion who I DO like, nicely meshing maximus gargan, the ultimate scorpion who simply had super strength and a scorpion tail styled chain, with the regular one, so now the tail is attached to hima nd baadss, but he's still mexican and still awesome and he gets a great fight with Peni and Porker.

That said while I have my quibbles.. the main three villians.. are fantastic and give me plenty to gush about. We'll start with the big guy. Like with the Green Goblin (and the Hobgoblin, who sadly still hasn't gotten a big movie role as of this review. Someday...), i'm a HUGE fan of the kingpin and he's one of my faviorite super villians. No question. Wilson Fisk is a truly amazing character with tons of layers, intimdating style and intresting dynamics with both spider-man and dardevil. From his first apperance under john romita to his latest crashing on Krakoa , he's a devious mastermind whose trained his body to perfection. Granted I grew up with Spider-Man TAS, where they cleverly made him big bad, so I had a good first intro, but most adaptations handle him well and what little iv'e seen of the mcu version in hawkeye (I still need to watch netflix daredevil) is fucknig magical. Denofrio is great.

Liev Schriber though.. might be the best. He gets Wilson perfect: He has his cocky attitude.. but also his cold detachment. He can brag about starting the collider one minute.. and casually tell his right hand man to "go kill that guy". He can joke.. but ther'es never a moment on screen when your not deeply worried about him being there. There's not a moment you don't get WHY this guy was strong enough, smart enough and nightmarish enough to finish spider-man. I also love the design taking from a comic by the legendary bill sienkiewicz of x-men fame

It perfectly fits and while his proprotions are off.. it helps sell how diffrent he is from everything else. This man commands every room he's in and is a true giant, a looming reminder of blonde peter's death and the ultimate obstacle in our heroes way.

What I like though as while they easily could've just made Fisk evil and called it a day.. it's VERY clear how well the crew understood him.. as they also humanize him. Fisk isn't igniting the collider to make money selling multiversal hot dogs or something. This version lost his wife vanessa and son richard during a fight with spider-man: she saw what he really was and left... and they sadly died in a car crash. It's a great twist too: the comics have always had Vanessa, when she was alive, be the one thing that could pull fisk back from his crime... if only for so long. She never liked it , never accepted it and never wanted it. Richard was a grown man hwo hated it but then joined it then betrayed his dad and got killed.. it's a whole thing. Richard Fisk is a mess.

Fisk is at his core a man who just wants what he lost back but is so blinded by a combination of Trauma Goggles (a term kammie came up with) and his own ego. He can't accept that it was his fault a tragedy happened, that his wife had every right to run and that it was simply horrible, cruel timing that killed his wife. It's the horrible irony in all this: Wilson Fisk is a man who needs to control everything so badly he will rip time and space apart to get back what he lost.. but can't accept that there's NOTHING he can do to fix this, and that it was always his fault. It's who Wilson Fisk is and who he'll always be. It's most heartbreakingly shown when the same events play out again, just with a new vanessa and richard.. but he just can't accept HE'S the bad guy in all this and he drove his family away. In the end he's left with nothing, his empire crumbling, his family gone.. simply because he coudln't let go.

Now onto his right hand man, Aaron Davis, The Prowler. Like Kingpin... hang on.. something seems mi

[THREATNING DUBSTEB BLARES]

Better. Anyways, I was a huge fan of the Prowler. See back when I was in I think middle school, possibly earlier I had this book.

I wouldnt' mind getting another copy or the updated edition at some point. I also had these for X-Men and Fantastic Four. It's part of what really got me into these characters, but the spidey one was near and dear to my heart even as it sadly eventually fell apart. It was a lovely big ole book with profiles for all of spidey's villains, some of his side cast, and what have you up to the early 2000's. It was great.

So it's there I met the Prowler... Good Ol Hobie Brown

Yeah before another hobie became your friendly neighborhood anarchist, the original was a window washer who really wanted to invent, but this being the 60's and many a man being a classist or racist, Hobie instead came up with a pretty brilliant scheme: rob a building using his various inventions and a badass looking disguise, and then return the money for a reward as Hobie Brown.

Unfortunately the building he picked was naturally the Bugle, his old workplace (Though to JJJ's credit, when Hobie had an altercation with his boss, Jonah took hobie's side. Jonah may be many things but Racist isn't one of them)... and he was VERY lucky that it was peter parker, having to pull his punches for obvious reasons , he encountered. Hobie thought he'd killed the poor guy, naturally he hadn't and when encountering peter as spider-man later, not knowing the connection, he confessed and explained things. Peter being peter, and once unmasked seeing Hobie really wasn't that much older than him and had been through the shit, let the guy go and Hobie eventually had a happy ending. So how does aaron fit into this? Well like i've said in this review and covered previously, Miles comes from the Ultimate Universe, so given the prowler had a dope as hell costume, name but not a lot of use, he was perfect to refit as Mile's first archenmey and most personal nemisis.

Uncle Aaron in the comics.. is a bit of a dick. While I plan to cover this arc at some point, as it's REALLY good, Aaron after some time in mexican prison, finds out there's a new spider-man and having stolen the spider in the first place and actually seen it bite miles in this timeline, puts two and two together... and then tries to blackmail his nephew into working for him to make himself the new kingpin, the old one having been blown up with a rocket launcher by Mysterio.

He also died but rather than go out heroically , as we'll get to.. he went out because his suit backfired because he was stupid enough to kill the man who made it while trying to murder his 13 year old nephew.

Yeah it's a lot, and again i'll get into it some other time, but the film made the understandable decision to take about 5 to ten percent of there, and used that percentage to make him infinitely more badass.

This Aaron is an experinced supervillian, one who gives Peter trouble and has awesome theme music. The Prowler in the film is animalistic, moving at less frames than the other characters and being purely terrifying. It sells what Miles is facing: an unstoppable killing machine who just wants him dead. Which completely contrasts who Aaron is off duty. To him.. this is just a job and killing people is just what he does. Kingpin says jump, he says "what spider-man?". When not he's the cool uncle who gets introduced to fucking hypnotize. He's a smooth guy who while having terrible advice about ladies, also has good takes like "Smart girls are where it's at". The reason Miles confides in him more than his dad.. is easy to see. Aaron actually takes the time to reach miles on his level and try to gently coax miles into not totally hating his new school instead of saying WELL YOU'D BETTER LIKE IT. I mean Jeff is the better person, no question, he's killed exactly no one and for a cop that's impressive, but Aaron genuinely loves and supports his nephew even more than originally. It makes the contrast that much more horrific, that this perfectly kind, cool as hell guy.. can also casually hunt what he can CLEARLY tell is a child like a monster across a subway. It's no wonder finding out who Aaron is really rattles the poor kid.

It also makes his face turn that much more effective: it'd be easy to assume given how UTTERLY terrifying the film made him that like the comics, once Aaron finds out he wouldn't give one iota of a shit that this is his nephew. Instead Movie!Aaron.. is utterly horrified. Mahershla Ali does a hell of a job conveying the man's horror when Miles takes off his mask in a last ditch effort not to get choked to death, with Moore likewise conveying miles pain and desperation incredibly. The animation is also flawless here as you can just see Aaron realizing what he almost did.. and what he's likely done to counltess others like miles. How many kids did he kill simply because they saw something they shouldn't have? The horror is clear... adn the tragedy all the more painful when Kingpin coldly snipes him. All his power.. and aaron dies, encouraging his nephew to keep going and to be better. Aaron is an incredible character here, suprassing the already great original and I look forward to seeing more of ali in Beyond.

Finally we have Doc Ock aka...

The casting was genius idea.. that i'm baffled WASN'T always the plan. Originally Ock was supposed to still be a man and a bit more big lebowski'ish. And while it means we missed out on Steve Buschemi as the green goblin, one of the directors suggested Kathryn Hahn, all around queen of awesome and perfect fit. It also fits the story better: Dock Ock being "Gasp" a pudgy guy who looks a lot like me? Not a huge suprise. But a scientest we simply see in the background and assume is someone shady, but turns out to be dock ock complete with soft robotics tentacles? Fucking brilliant. It plays genre expectations against us: normally the messy haired science lady is on our side, as peter assumed.. instead Ock is fully on board with this scheme and even actively decives kingpin to get it thorugh. Oliva is ock in every sense of the word and is easily our heroes most dangerous opponent that isn't king sized. It takes THREE spider-men to wear her down and a fucking truck ex machina to finish her. Hahn, as usual has a lot of fun with the roll and it's no shock disney wanted to get in on this, and I can't wait for Agatha coven of chaos after her amazing work on Wandavision. Hahn is just neat and Olivia is great. Also nice subtly saying gay rights with Liv being implied to be Aunt May's ex in this reality too. Did it also involve a nuclear explosion on an island off of canada? One can only hope.

Odds, Ends and Sick Beats

So character wise we only have a few left to go over. First up is Rio, Miles supportive kind mom. She dosen't get a ton to do here but what we see is great and like Gwen, it's clear the writers realized they didn't use her as much and the sequel dives into her more and makes her just as important as her husband.

Then we have Ganke. In the comics, Ganke is miles lego loving best friend, his closest confidant and he helps ease the tension of being spider-man.. but given said tension drives the whole plot here, I get why they eased back. The other reason.. is understandable if disapointing. See the MCU Version of Ned Leeds, Ned Lee.. is basically Ganke. Close friends with our spider-man? Likes lego? bit of a nerd? Serves as his "guy in the chair". All check. And ned is great, he's fantastic and if I ever get to the mcu trilogy, i'll defintely have plenty good to say. It just meant Ganke had nothing to really do and is thus off to the side for these films. It's disapointing but I can understand it.. and he still gets a great scene in the spider-people trying to avoid him.. also Peni was blushing like mad. I need followup on this ship next film crew.

We also have Stan's cameo.. which is heartbreaking, but man was it good and it served as a great tribute to the man without being meant as one. It also gently jabs at his huckster nature with the no refunds sign. Oh stan... I miss you man.

Finally we have the films soundtrack. It's so damn good and it uses music beautifully: It has standouts like What's Up Danger, which i've talked about. Sunflower which thematically fits the film and the miles gwen romance, and Hypnotize, which perfectly sums up who aaron is when he' s not stalking children like some sort of feral cat man. I was going to talk about it more in depth, but it's just fanatastic.. and frankly this review is both horribly behind as is. It's a great sountrack and an all timer, both in the music made for it, the ones chosen for it and the backing tracks. Stupendous

So that brings us to the end of this long look.. and it should go without saying by this far in.. this film is a masterpiece. It's great as an adaptation, phenominal on it's own, groundbreaking, and I'll be revisiting it again and I feel terrible I didn't because I noticed so much more the second time around. This project has been a lot.. but it's also been some of the most fun i've had ont his blog. As i've already announced... we will be doing this one more time for beyond, and possibly again for across' theatrical release as that seems like it's not going to be as soon as Sony hopes. Either way i'm still shooting for the films current release date in march, so we'll be back with this in november or december with some other spidey plans in the mix as well. So thanks for taking the leap with me.. and hopefully you'll stick around. Until then... thanks for reading... and remember.. anyone can wear the mask... especailly you.

[thedawningofthehour]

Ok I have a lot of questions and I have to break this down into parts.

Actually, on the revealed page of the new comic, you can see Casey jr in one of the panels, and he looks the same as he does in the movie, which would confirm that the deaths of donnie and Raph were actually recent.

Wait, what's going on with the gay laws in china? Last I heard, china was actually tightening their laws regarding anything remotely queer, because of that many danmei (chinese gay genre) productions who already had experience working around censorship were having problems to the point where they didn't know if they could release. Even the genshin impact company was having problems over there, because one of their male characters was too feminine for their standards.

Aw, I got the impression from Casey Jr that he had never met Raph. He was really comfortable with Donnie and April, but much stiffer with Splinter and Raph. I always took that to mean Raph and Splinter either died before he was born or when he was too young to remember much. And you know Raph would have dadded any child that displayed even the slightest need for dadly guidance.

The way I have the order of death plotted out in my own headcanonical world, the death order went: Raph on invasion day -> Bella dying to save Donnie -> Splinter doing something stupid in a 'it needs to be done and it might as well be him' scenario -> Cass doing something unimaginably badass and cool and probably screaming "WITNESS ME" -> Donnie sacrificing his life to take out the Technodrome -> Draxum going on a suicide mission to destroy one of the main three Krangs -> Big Mama and April as we see their bodies at the beginning of the movie.

I will not be amending this whatsoever in light of the canonical material.

No but for real, I kind of enjoyed that the fandom had so much leeway to really do whatever we wanted with the post-apocalypse storyline. And I'm going to admit it now, I don't like Donnie's overalls. I like the ones other people have drawn on him and maybe it's because the sketch we saw was pretty low quality, but it doesn't do anything for me.

I said Chinese attitudes, which...in retrospect, means a lot less than it really should. Jesus Christ, I literally said that on the 35th anniversary of the Tiananmen Square massacre.

My understanding of what goes on in China is-well, for one, it's just not something I'm super informed on, I had literally one semester of world history in high school and we didn't even really get to east Asia, we started with Africa and moved east but got stuck in the Arab world because this was 2011. (use your imagination on what was said there) Literally, everything else was American history with the occasional Ancient Greece unit thrown in. No shit, I am literally Raph, I didn't know the Holy Roman Empire was a separate thing from the original Roman Empire until I was an adult. (I also thought nobody was Jewish anymore until I read 'Are You There God? It's Me Margaret' and realized that the Jews didn't all convert in Jesus' time) And what we did learn about modern China, we learned it through a...very anti-red lens. Which isn't to say communism good and all criticism of China is red scare propaganda, but educating yourself post-indoctrination involves actively challenging and unlearning the shit you were indoctrinated with, which can interfere with actually learning about shit with an open mind.

What was I talking about? Right, gay stuff in China. There's been little victories on that front, but from what I've read they've mostly been pretty performative without real underlying change, like with women's rights in Saudi Arabia. Which is its own problem, but progress is progress? But yeah, the censorship is getting worse. Which is worrisome.

Maybe it's kind of wishful thinking on my part, but I also think a shift in official attitudes would be the most logical thing for China right now. A lot of Chinese people support LGBT rights, and that number is only going to swell as older, more conservative people die off and young people enter adulthood. (and people get exposed to pro-LGBT viewpoints and content and realize homophobia is dumb) And the rest of the world is becoming more and more gay-friendly, the only exceptions really being Russia and a few Islamic states, and, uh. China is not really...endearing itself to the Islamic world right now. We'll leave it at that. It's going to get to a point where the UN is pressuring them and their own people are pressuring them, and either they give in on that issue or it comes to conflict. That's how it works.

I'm hopeful that things will change in China in my lifetime. I'm just very worried about how much blood it will take.

[ridiasfangirlings]

So I've been rewatching and re-reading K stuff (yet again) and there was something that really really irked me the wrong way. When Homra are discussing "the new Blue King" in R:B Yata says "if only those Blues dare to try something with Anna again".....while they are actually the ones hiding the twins (who were involved in Anna's torture from Mizuchi to make her into the new Blue King alongside Shiotsu) from the new Scepter 4 under Reisi, since he wanted to bring them to justice. This is actually soo hypocritical and annoyed me to no end!?! The audacity to make Reisi out to be the bad guy when, let's be honest, he's the one person that always had everyone's best interest in mind and tried to always do the best possible thing for everyone and in every situation, yet the majority of people (both characters from the anime and irl fans) give him so much shit, totally undeserved! The truth is all of Homra should be thanking him for saving them again and again.....the ungratefulness is off the charts! But that line from Yata was the last straw for me!!! So I wanted to ask what are your thoughts on this matter?

I do think Munakata gets some undue shit from Homra’s end of things but most of my irritation on that point is like post-S1 with people blaming him for Mikoto’s death (and annoyance with the narrative itself that tends to paint S4 as in the wrong), I think the hostility makes more sense in the early part of the story. In this specific case, remember that R:B takes place before LSW, so Homra hasn’t helped the Minato twins at this point and their only interaction with S4 was the whole deal with Anna and the Center. That being the case I think it makes perfect sense that Yata would be distrustful, from his point of view these are the guys who did horrible things to Anna and now they have a new head. Yata’s not exactly the deepest thinker so I doubt it really occurs to him that there might be differences in leadership style between the old and new clans, and the idea that the previous S4 were doing what they did at the behest of Mizuchi and Shiotsu felt backed into a corner and that there was no room for argument isn’t something Yata would even consider. To Yata it’s just very simple, the twins were from the Blue clan and they were the ones harming Anna, so now that they have a new King he’s suspicious. 

Similarly at this point it’s not like Munakata’s done anything that should make Yata trust him, in fact at that point he was trying to interfere with a Homra member and Yata’s whole natural tendency to see things as ‘us vs them’ certainly makes this seem like the work of a hostile adversary. I don’t have any issue with Homra and S4’s hostility pre-S1, they’re clearly different groups with different goals, and what Munakata wants is not necessarily more correct than what Mikoto wants — and obviously this changes more with S1, where Munakata gets painted by the show itself as being a bit more villainous, early on at least, even though at that point he really is right and is trying to save Mikoto, and then after when everyone keeps bringing up that he killed Mikoto as if he had any choice. I don’t blame Yata for being on edge about a new Blue King, to him all of Homra’s interactions with the Blues at this point have been bad and why should he show any special deference to Munakata, Munakata isn’t his King and Munakata’s way of Kingship is different than Mikoto’s.

Also as far as Homra hiding the twins goes, LSW actually makes note of this. No one’s super happy about sheltering them, that was Kusanagi’s decision because he’s on good terms with Shiotsu and was doing him a favor. After Akito fights at Homra’s side Yata basically immediately switches to seeing him in a more favorable light because Yata’s the type who sees someone fighting at his side as a sign that they’re comrades now, something Fushimi gets notably irritated by. I feel like could be seen as one of Yata’s good points honestly, he doesn’t hold grudges if it seems like someone’s stopped being his enemy and he’s happy to invite Akito as a comrade. Also on the end of  Character Development, Yata has a lower opinion of the old S4 members who would go to the new King because he can’t imagine ever serving another Red King besides Mikoto and so in the moment he’s more sympathetic to the twins because he thinks this is what he would do if his King was gone, not submit to the new one (and then when confronted by the actual reality of that situation in MK he sees that it isn’t so simple and changes his mind, because Yata has grown up a little). 

[numinously-yours]

Hey so recently I've participated in @numinously-yours tarot Giveaway and I was lucky enough to be one of the winners. I received my reading in the video format as I chose the video option and she delivered it to me in just like two days?? Which was just so fast and quick, the reading was detailed and have so many insights and too good to be free. I had chosen the little prince and the other tarot deck which was just as beautiful as she asked me which one i wanted to get my reading done too and for clarification she chose the other one. She was sweet and kind as always and ger energy could be felt even through the screen.

CELTIC CROSS-TAROT GIVEAWAY FEEDBACK; Well definitely I'm a hopeless romantic so definitely a healthy relationship that turns into a marriage is important to me as well but currently I'm not looking for love and definitely taking charge of my life like you said. So yes whatever you said resonated from a pov of both love and life. And definitely i do long for a relationship deep inside. And definitely love definitely has a huge role or part in my life. Like I've always felt this feeling that it's like it's out there for me and I want it. Also you were right on my life and all like people wanting this to be a specific way and mme having those kind of expectations which i clearly don't enjoy because my way of looking and wanting things if very different from people around me when especially my family, also you were right on me having some kind of holdbacks because my parents had a terrible relationship growing up and it would be a lie if i say it didn't affected me so you were right on that as well where you picked up on something related to this and how it manifests into my fears as well, and yes expectations also influenced my life a lot. Also whatever you've mentioned in the reading made sense tbh it was very much more influenced with my life currently along with love ofcourse, and whatever you said resonated and helped me too. Like I've actually been told this that I definitely need to heal a lot and all like you said in order to meet my fs so that it can develop into something beautiful and also "transformations and healing" definitely has always came out a huge role in our relationship readings. Also changing perspective was on point to and it definitely made me realise stuff. I really deeply appreciate you doing this reading for me and i must admit your voice is as beautiful as you are and so is your smile like when in the beginning you welcomed me and in the end you said everything with your energy and smile it just made me feel so great!! Also you don't have to worry about the noises at all because there weren't any and I was able to hear everything. Once again thankyou so much to you, i hope you know your work is amazing and i really appreciate it. The tarot cards and decks were just so beautiful and i was happy to hear that they were your favourite as well. Haha. Have an amazing day ahead sending lots of love and kindness. 🫶🏻🤍✨🧿

Thankyou so much it meant like a lot to me!!

Thank you so much for this feedback! I loved doing this reading for you. There was so much positive energy to channel - even when looking at setbacks/interference, it never felt like I could be brought down. There was only optimism to feel 😊

If anyone is interested in a reading, check out my etsy: Numinously Yours. Stay tuned for more free readings and giveaways!

[turnipstewdios]

HRT INJECTION TIPS!

Just did my T injection, and I wanna share some things that I find useful! I usually do my own shots, so some of this might not apply if you have someone else do it, but hopefully some of it will help anyway. Have something to remind you about your schedule! I have my injection dates marked on my calendar. I'm super bad at remembering timing and dates, and I would miss stuff like this all the time without an actual reminder I could look at. The one I've just done was actually a day late, because I just looked and realized I was supposed to do it yesterday. I have all the stuff I need for it in one place. Med vials, needles, disinfectant, Band-Aids, sharps box, ect. Makes it easy to keep track of. If you have trouble remembering all the steps, write yourself a list! I'm familiar enough with the process that don't always need it, but I still forget to z-track sometimes. Pop a painkiller half an hour before hand. It helps. I've gotten in the habit of doing this, but I was in a rush for my last one, and just did it without the Tylenol. And there's definitely a difference! Even with a painkiller, you'll still feel it, but it dulls it down just enough to make it easier. If you're over or even close to 200lbs, make sure you're getting a longer needle. An IM injection needs to get all the way down through your body fat and into your muscle tissue. Using a needle that isn't long enough will result in more medication leaking, less effective absorption into your tissues, and a more painful injection site afterword's. I use inch and a quarter needles. One inch works, but not as well, and three quarter inch is way to short. You can ask for different lengths at the pharmacy. If you've never done this type of shot before, and/or are nervous about using a longer needle, it might be surprising to learn that you can usually only feel the first quarter inch or so after piercing the skin. Once you've gotten down through the Hypodermis, there are way fewer nerve endings, and you'll barely be able to feel the needle at all. I usually do my own injections, and I've only had to get help with it because I balked once. But I have to fight with the instinctual "NO WANT STAB SELF" feeling every single time, and there's a lot of stuff that makes it easier. I can work myself up to start fairly easily, but the hardest part is AFTER I break the top layer of skin. I almost always get the needle just far enough in that the pain registers, and THEN the self preservation reflex tries to kick in.

This is why painkillers can be so useful. They slow down the pain signal enough for me to make it slightly deeper, and by that point, I'm almost always in past the point where the sensation stops. The one time I had to get help, it was because I had just barely pierced the skin and then pulled out several times in a row, and the mental block strengthened until I couldn't make another attempt. If you can brace yourself long enough to get that first quarter inch, the rest is much easier. If you have trouble pushing down the plunger for the actual injection, try asking the pharmacy for different syringes. I've tried out several kinds, and some are definitely way easier than others. One type I was given was so hard to push down that I lost most of a dose because I pulled the whole needle out while trying to depress the plunger. I'm fortunate enough to not have any allergies that interfere with my shots. But I've heard a lot of stuff from people who do, so I'll pass it on. The injection should hurt a bit, and might be sore for a day or so afterword's, but it should NOT be excruciating. It should also not swell, turn red, itch, or burn anywhere around the injection site. If it hurts a lot or starts acting weird, you might have done it wrong, gotten an infection, or be allergic to something you're using. Some people can have allergies to the oil used as a base for the hormones, the adhesives on bandages, or the needles themselves. Most injection needles have nickel in them. If you have reactions to piercings/jewelry, the needle might be a problem for you. Fortunately, you can usually swap out whatever's causing the problem for an alternative. There are several types of oil used for the injections, so you should be able to request one that won't cause a reaction. And nickel free needles are available. Feel free to add onto this! I'd love to hear anything people think might be helpful.

[some-teeth-in-a-trench-coat]

(context)

I reached tag limit on that one but I wanna talk more about the two realizations I had during it (but also I'm super tired and this will be short)

First the Judaism thing cuz. Huh. I guess I do actually do a bunch of stuff I didn't even mention all the little ways it defines my routines. It's been over three years and I still don't have a rabbi and my ADHD makes it so bloody hard to even get the bare minimum progress done by writing a freaking email. Which leads to the ADHD self hating spiral we all know and loathe. But at least I keep kosher. At least I wear my kipa. At least I say Mode Ani and Hamotzi and Shehakol (and other applicable brakha on the very rare occasion that I actually eat a plant that still looks like a plant). At least I color code my kitchen and separate meat and dairy. At least I wash my hands before bread and at least I don't travel on Shabbat and at least I let little pieces of Judaism shape my days. I have a long way to go and I'm going much slower than I like. But. I'm not where I started. Where I started, keeping kosher, even just excluding pork, seemed impossible. Now it's my daily routine I don't think about.

Secondly and less significantly I suppose. I think I described my NPD the nicest way I've ever heard thanks to that post. It's about love actually. Yes I'm constantly in need of attention and acknowledgement of my abilities and yes I have unfair hierarchies in my head that always put me on top and yes NPD interferes with my ability to function in various ways. But! It's about love actually. Many of my friends throughout the years have seen me as very affectionate and to some I've been very very affectionate. Why? It wad narcissism. They paid attention to me and praised me and I loved them. If you give me attention I am full of love. And what is attention anyway? I like it in weird ways and more than others but most people want and need it to some extent because social animal. And that's love too, isn't it? NPD is about love actually (JOKE. EXAGGERATION. MANY PARTS ARE NOT SO NICE THAT'S WHY IT'S A DISORDER I AM NOT TRIVIALIZING THE DISORDER) (personally I am the epitome of a "sore loser" if you make me lose and I can't blame you for cheating or claim I wasn't trying I will want to kill everyone in the room and then myself and that part is barely an exaggeration I cope by never ever competing at anything I can lose)

[dandelion-wings]

More of the darker end of the Bindings AU, because this has been in my head for ages and I wanted to get the whole thing down. That said, it starts kind of vaguely/roughly, because @theabysscomeshome and I haven't nailed down exactly the circumstances of Crepus' death (even having Dottore involved is mostly stuff I've been spinning in my own head, we haven't hammered that out and there are holes around Diluc then taking the Delusion-equivalent here), and also I have not done the heavy lifting on the magical worldbuilding that I feel like those details need. XD;; But! This is, as in canon, a fairly important bit of backstory for both Kaeya and Diluc.

---

Father's papers are more and more troubling the deeper that Diluc reads into them. Purchase records, business contracts, private correspondence with people he never should have dealt with--there's so much here that Diluc never knew. So much that Father hid for him. It's almost a relief to finally find the books on Abyssal magic.

Diluc skims through the parts on summoning and binding with barely a glance, though his father's notations are all over them. Those are old; he wants the section with bits of paper studded all through, the way Father always marked whatever he was currently studying, only moving his notes into the margins once he was sure of them. It has a bit more on bindings, but only those imposed after the fact instead of during the spell. The bulk is about making existing artifacts, ones whose spirits were imperfectly summoned and thus are dangerous, safer to wear and to wield.

Slowly, dragging himself through the antiquated and technical language, Diluc starts to put together the intent of his father's abbreviated notes. He'd always intended to use the artifact that had killed him, that fragment of the Abyssal spirit called Il Dottore. But he'd intended to do it with precautions. Harnessing some of Kaeya's power into new bindings, his notes say, taking advantage of- oh, that's a page number-

'Even the most well-restrained spirit takes up space within the magical aura of the one who wields them,' the book says. 'Thus the foolishness and difficulty of attempting to wield many artifacts at once, particularly of different natures. Such an array blunts one's own magic. Moreover, multiple spirits attached to the same wielder will blunt each others' powers, limiting their mutual abilities, just as a talented enough pairing of wielder and spirit can blunt the bond of a weaker pair and thus limit their spirit's power.

'This can, however, be used to make poorly-restrained spirits safer to wield, for a short time, though such practice is not advised. It may even allow a well-tuned pair to interfere with the connection of a predatory or possessive spirit to its unwitting and endangered host, allowing the human life to be saved."

Beneath that is a series of diagrams and abstruse equations. Diluc hasn't studied deeply enough into these arts to understand all of them, but he knows who can. A sick feeling gathering in the pit of his stomach, he reaches up to peel the eyepatch away from his right eye.

:Could you have done this?: he asks Kaeya.

A moment's pause, the always-odd feeling of Kaeya's eye moving in his socket as it flicks over the page, and then, with an odd reluctance, :I suppose.:

:But you didn't know you could?:

Another, longer pause. The sick feeling in Diluc's stomach grows stronger. It doesn't mean anything. It can't. Kaeya is simply being reticent because he was shocked by the day's events. He's been silent since that last burst of power that drove Ursa away, since Diluc knelt down and put his blade to his father's neck to keep the spirit-fragment in that cursed artifact from achieving full possession. That was shocking for both of them.

:You didn't order me to,: Kaeya says at last, and there's still that reluctance, joined by vague unease. Not fearful, exactly, but-

No, it is fearful. Diluc can't lie to himself when he can feel it creeping into his own body, his own nerves, his mouth going dry and his heart beating faster as giving Kaeya access to his eye inevitably bleeds over.

:Did you know you could save him?: The silence in his own head seems to resound, and Diluc doubles down, turning it to a command, calling up all the strings of the bindings upon Kaeya and twisting them. :Answer me!:

:Of course I knew,: Kaeya says, and laughs, that horrible echoing sensation that's halfway Diluc's own laughter and halfway his own voice. :What do you think spirits do in the Abyss, other than shove each other around? Il Dottore is far beyond me, but that fragment was nothing at all.:

:Then why didn't you?!: That comes out a command, too, a roar of anguish in his own head, the memory of his father's blood on his hands rising up into tears that spill from his left eye alone.

He spins away from the research and his gaze is arrested by the mirror across the room, the small one on the wall where Father used to pause to straighten up before stepping out of the office after he took one of his secret little afternoon naps. His left eye is red from crying, his cheeks flushed and damp. The right is Kaeya's, deep blue in stark contrast to his own orange, the four-pointed pupil at the center small against even the lantern's dim light. It seems to stare back at him, meeting his own eye, as Kaeya's answer is wrenched forth.

:Why would I?:

The bitterness in that question stops Diluc cold. He instinctively opens his mouth, closes it again, tries to organize in his own head the command, the clear question, that will draw out some reason for all the senselessness of his father's death--and doesn't have to ask.

:Your father is the one who dragged me here, after all. Summoned me by force and wrote binding after binding into my anchor, so that I would be perfectly safe and perfectly friendly for his precious, golden son. Did he tell you that, Diluc? Or did he just tell you he was giving you a present?:

Sarcasm drips from the words that Father had said the day he'd presented Diluc with the earring. He'd never said outright that Kaeya's anchor was one of the old artifacts that still floated around Teyvat, accessible only to the wealthy and the fortunate. He'd only implied it. The spirit inside had been alone for a long time, he'd told Diluc. Lonely as Diluc had been lonely, separated from the children of the Winery by his rank and from Jean by his mother from the other well-off children of Mondstadt by his awkwardness and the constant training to become a Knight.

:I had my own father, you know. Not that you do know, since I was never allowed to tell you that. He may not have been any better than yours, but he was mine. And your father took me from him to turn me into a weapon, so that you could look better for the Knights.:

:That's not-: It is true. In a horrible, twisted sense, a complete misinterpretation of the man Father was, of the bond Diluc and Kaeya share. But it can't be anything but true, because Kaeya's bindings forbid him to lie. The thought that this might truly be how he sees things pricks at Diluc's heart. :You're not a weapon, Kaeya. We were friends.:

:'Were,': Kaeya quotes back, in his own mental voice, and laughs again. The bitterness in it roils in Diluc's own stomach. :Not much of a friendship, was it? Not that it could have been, when I never had a choice.:

That does more than prick; it hits like a physical blow. Kaeya has been his best friend, at times his only friend, since the day Father handed his earring to Diluc. It's not only his powers Diluc has come to rely upon. His magical knowledge, his quickness with words, his occasional advice and his more frequent teasing, equally likely to be useful if Diluc puzzles out the meaning behind his words.... He's been a part of Diluc for so long that this sudden revelation feels, for the second time today, like his heart has been cut from his chest.

"If you don't want to be here," Diluc says aloud, his voice cracking, "I'll send you back."

He isn't sure whether the hammering in his chest is his emotions or Kaeya's or both, whether the way his hands clench into fists is his own furious hurt or Kaeya seeking subtly for control. It doesn't matter. He reaches up and rips the earring from his ear, ignoring the sting. Ignoring, too, Kaeya's voice, suddenly alarmed.

:Diluc, wait-:

Ruthlessly, he closes Kaeya out. The bonds between them snap them thread by thread, every binding that had brought them together ripped in half and left to fray away from Kaeya's soul. Fire gathers within him and flows through his hand into the false metal of the earring. It grows hotter and hotter in his grasp as he tears the last vestiges of the bonds away. When he looks down the metal is softening, the gem starting to crack and char. So is his palm beneath it, he only belatedly realizes, and his fingers clenched around. The pain registers all at once, searing through the betrayal and the grief.

He hurls the earring into the fireplace. It continues to melt, sparks bursting around it and catching on the half-burnt logs, until it's glowing too bright at the heart of the flames. The edges have deformed, false metal flowing like molasses, the false gem cracked across and dull. Diluc sends another pulse of magic into the center of the blaze, and it vanishes, all at once, into a burst of dark shadow as difficult to look at as the metal's glow. A moment later, it's gone.

Looking down at his hand, Diluc sees the burn stretching out across his palm, deep into the flesh and already oozing pus and blood, and the bubbled blisters on his fingers. He flexes his grip and feels the burn pull at damaged muscle and tendon. Yet it doesn't hurt nearly as much as the scoured-out place inside him where Kaeya and Father both had been.

Diluc sits down in the chair at his father's chest and buries his face in his arms amid his father's damning papers. Tears flow from both eyes, now, as he begins to sob.

[zenaidamacrouras1]

M, T, and Y?

Hi! These are fascinating questions (ask link here)! Would love to see your answers to any of them!

M: What’s the weirdest AU scenario you’ve ever come up with?  Did it turn into a story?

Well. Weird is a hard term. What does weird mean? However, I would love to write a fic about the National Radio Astronomy Lab in Greenbank WV which is a "quiet area" where you can't use most electronics because they interfere with the radio astronomy signals. It's the perfect place for a meet cute. I have the plot all sketched out. I just need to write it.

Probably counts as weird?

T: Any fanfic tropes you can’t stand?

Can't stand is a strong term because really I am talented and brave about not reading stuff that isn't my jam, people should write whatever they like!

I think any trope can be done well, I used to have some less favorites but I've been proven wrong enough I'll give any trope a chance.

I have a lot of triggers and do not wants, most around consent and humiliation kink. But I get those things are hot for a lot of people, I adore ao3 tags for that reason.

I will say I am developing an eyeroll reaction to penis having people having anal sex without any preparation and it's described basically like penis and vagina sex (particularly if characters involved have never had anal sex). I mean. It's so....penis and vagina heterosexual to the point it feels anti-queer almost to me??? Like if you are writing smut about queer people having sex maybe think about how queer people might have sex (or fade to black or whatever)? There are a lot of ways to have sex if you are say, lost in the woods or stuck on an airplane or whatever with no lube, or can't wait a single second to prep.

Penetration with a penis is not inherently more romantic or "meaningful" than other kinds of sex and it feels like a harmful thing about society leaking into my happy fanfiction when this gets portrayed to extremes is I think the source of my annoyance.

But, no one asked me to read that fic, and no one needs to be going to ao3 for sex lessons.

Y: What are your thoughts on your personal satisfaction with something you’ve written vs. the popularity of your stories?  Do you tend to be most satisfied with your most popular stories?  

This is interesting to me especially since my college AU and my Shrunkyclunk with Captain America and Lawyer Bucky are my most popular. Clearly they are popular because they use tropes/settings that are popular.

I like all my stories well enough or I would pull them down (which I have) but I think Backhoe is probably my "best and favorite" and it's just long and kinda niche. Which is fine. People re-read that one too and it has a lot of chapters (so you have to visit the fic more times to read it) so it ended up with a low kudos to hits ratio which is also fine but something it took me time as an author to understand.

Plastered is probably my least favorite, I just think it's rough or maybe I was just sad when I wrote it so it makes me sad?, and it is more popular than Backhoe.

Anyway, no, popularity doesn't impact my satisfaction with my fics, but it did take me time to figure it out and I still find statistics fascinating of anyone ever wants to talk ao3 stats with me!

[fitgothgirl]

Anxious today. Probably because I started out the day by spending a couple hours doing a preliminary write out of what I eventually want to say to my mom. It's not everything I want to say, and some stuff might be there that shouldn't necessarily stay, plus it just needs editing for flow and whatnot. But regardless, and even if don't send her anything at all, it feels cathartic to write out and to organize my thoughts. But it wasn't a great start to the day, especially since it's a dark and rainy one.

My weed break has officially begun; my "last" day of smoking was this past Sunday, but last night was a friend's birthday party and since I knew that was coming and people would be smoking, I had decided to give myself some leeway for the event before continuing on for realz. After having tapered down to smoking only a bowl/partial bowl after 10pm every other evening, one sesh after 5 days of nothing didn't seem like a big deal; it's not like I'm needing to be clean for a drug test or something. But now that the party is passed, no more for 8 weeks.

The last week has been surprisingly fine in terms of cravings, or rather, lack thereof. The tapering down and practice of weedless days really feels like it helped in that aspect. It's actually also a bit of a relief that I'm not dealing with locking it up in my kSafe every night and thinking about "oh is it a smoking day today?" etc. The answer is now always the same and it's not something to even think about. And I feel like since I'm not so in my head of "is it a smoking day," I've oddly been drinking less too; before on non-smoking days I'd replace it with alcohol, even just a little, but somehow not smoking at all hasn't made me want to drink everyday? I don't fully understand why but it's nice to not feel like I "need" something every night.

I say things are going well specifically in the aspect of cravings and whatnot because unfortunately, after almost 4 months of working on tapering, completely stopping has still given me withdrawal symptoms with my sleep. I was okay the first night because my body had gotten used to that, but after that (besides last night's sleep since I smoked at the party yesterday), I've been having really bad night sweats and vivid dreams/nightmares. Some mild insomnia has come up too. The night before last I had used CBD I got for this reason, but I think I may need more than a single (10mg) capsule since I woke up all sweaty about 3 hours later after a vivid nightmare. Despite the CBD, I had still prepared for sleep issues that night by putting my gabapentin bottle on my nightstand, so when I woke up in the night, I popped a couple of those. It definitely helped with the insomnia/light sleeping, but I still had sweats and vivid dreams. Hoping that the smoking last night actually will have helped me in this area though since it wouldn't have undid everything in terms of my cannabinoid receptors (I don't think?) but basically might have helped calm things down a bit before I continue on. We'll see how I sleep tonight though. I at least hope yesterday didn't make things worse lol.

But regardless, the withdrawal I had been so worried about dealing with on my trip (we leave in a week!) was overwhelming preoccupation with smoking, near inability to eat, irritability, anxiety, bad insomnia, etc., and these things aren't problems. Even if I continue to get night sweats and vivid dreams despite last night, I know it's very temporary, and it doesn't really interfere with my day. And if my memory serves me in how this progresses, I think it'll be done by the time we leave, especially since I had already been tapering as opposed to cold turkey. Even if it's somehow still lingering, I'm confident that I'll still be able to enjoy my time in Costa Rica.

Also, this is about a lot more than the Costa Rica trip anyway (hence the continuation of the break afterward). This is my first time taking a break from weed because I really want to for personal reasons, and I genuinely don't want to be that all-day-everyday stoner anymore. Aside from withdrawal, I've done so much work mentally and it's crazy to see how far I've come in under 5 months.

I have other stuff I could update since I haven't been doing so lately, but I'll leave this post as it is now since it's already a novel lmao.