#instead of putting the energy towards making this society better for traumatized people

[cavityinmybrain]

okay so we all know the argument against “the future is plural” that is “this means you want more traumatized children!” right? i feel like everyone has seen people talk about how this is a gross misinterpretation of the phrase, and while i dont disagree there is something about this take that feels glaringly obvious to me that i havent seen anyone else talk about.

trauma is not something that you can wish away in a future society. before people get really mad at me: i dont want more children to be traumatized, i want more people to be able to receive support for trauma.

trauma is a response to an event, and so many things besides abuse/neglect can be traumatic (and possibly cause people to be plural) like: children with severe health issues, children in foster care/orphaned children, children going through war, children witnessing abuse, children who get bullied (arguably this is a type of abuse imo), and so on. to act like the only thing that can make someone form OSDDID is abuse/neglect trauma is ??? crazy to me.

instead of wishing for a future society where Trauma Doesnt Exist :) why not wish for a future society where trauma is better understood by everyone? where doctors receive trauma informed training as a part of becoming doctors, where you can disclose to someone that you’ve experienced trauma and they dont immediately give you pity eyes, where children who are experiencing trauma can be given resources and support necessary to mitigate the damage trauma will do?

why do you wish for a future thats not functionally attainable?

honestly, i cant help but see parallels of the notion that in a future society disabled people wont exist. disabled people will always exist, so form your fantasies of the future to include them.

trauma will always exist, so form your fantasies to accommodate it.

[scuttle-buttle]

Chapter 11

WC: 2077

Rated: E

Chapter Tags: full on angst, discussions of emotional trauma, mild depictions of blood/gore, mentions of self h*rm & su*cide, mentions of child abuse, discussions of physical disabilities, institutionalization, some dialogue & plot canon to TV show, hurt/comfort

🧠

The rest of the conference went by much like the first day did. Both you and Laszlo bought a few books for your collections. An ease had settled over your conversations with the help of Sara and John's presence; you spoke more freely with each other. You tell yourself it is not because he's going soft on you or vice versa, but rather that you have found yourself in this imaginary bubble where you happen to get on well. It's inevitable that it will pop once you’re back at school and Laszlo will revert back to his usual callous state.

Laszlo. It still felt odd to think of him like that, rather than by his title. You couldn't lie, it gave you a sort of thrill. Even in your dreams you had only called him by his honorific. Thankfully you didn't have another dream after Friday. You couldn't escape the feeling that you'd said something incriminating in front of the man in question. So you chose to pretend it didn't happen.

Monday morning came and you headed to the train station. Once again he had secured a private cabin for the journey. This time you came prepared with a book since you had yet to replace your broken phone.

"Thank you again for inviting me to this, I really enjoyed myself. It was really nice of the department to foot my travel expenses, the hotel was really fancy. I may have helped myself to a mini-bottle or two," you joked.

"There is no need to worry about the department's finances; they were not involved."

You pause. He paid for you? Laszlo did say he would take care of the arrangements; but the four-star hotel, the private compartment train tickets, the admission to the conference, and every meal? Shit, that must have been a fortune, hundreds of dollars at least.

You don't know what to say, so you settle for an awkward "oh." A moment passes before you add "I appreciate that, um, I can pay you back. Might take some time but I can."

The professor is flippant in his reply. "There is no need, it was well spent for the research and knowledge acquired." He opens his book signaling the conversation is over.

You lick your lips. Fine then, I'll just consider it payment for emotional suffering and damages of the last eight weeks.

The first few hours of the journey were spent reading one of the new books you picked up at the convention. Occasionally you would peek over the pages at the professor. He was engrossed in his own selection; sometimes he would pause to write down a thought.

Around the seventh hour of your journey you had given up on reading anymore in favor of looking at the fields outside. The silence was comforting.

Laszlo had trouble concentrating on the book in his hand. He saw you as a conundrum. One minute you could be sociable and teasing with your comments, then next you were biting at his throat with your quick wit and fierce ideals. He decides that he wants to know what made you into who you are today. Now is as good a time as any.

His eyes on you cause a tingle up your spine but you ignore it. Laszlo breaks the silence; "may I ask a personal question?"

"You just did," you answer, still peering out of the large window. He huffed once, amused. At his following silence you face him. You raise your eyebrows to signal him to go on with his question. Curiosity grows at the thought of what he intends to ask.

"Twice now you have made implications of a traumatic past," he begins.

Bubble popped.

Interrupting, you snark "is this the part where you psychoanalyze me, doc? Because trust me, I've been through enough of that." You pick at the lint on your jeans.

Laszlo tries to choose his words more carefully the next time he speaks. "What I mean to say is, the first afternoon in the classroom where you defended that student you implied you had been witness to a trauma. You then displayed signs of anger and embarrassment before leaving prematurely. Yesterday you mentioned having entered a psychiatric facility. As an alienist I can't help but find myself curious about your experiences."

You slide your eyes to meet his from across the cabin. Your face is devoid of any emotion. "We all have our demons. Even you can't argue with that."

Your jaw clenches. Everyone had warned you. They all said he would try to worm his way into your head to figure you out. All the reviews, the gossip, everything. It was a big fat 'I told you so'. You give a pitiful laugh at the situation. "You know, everyone told me that you would pull this stunt."

He seems confused by your statement. "And what is that?"

"That you'd get inside my head and try to figure me all out or whatever. You already know I googled you beforehand, what everyone says about your methods. By now I assume you've done a little research yourself. I promise you there is nothing exciting here," you scoff and point to yourself.

"You would be correct in your assumption." You chew at your cheek as he starts. "I do know some of what happened in your past. Yet I also know that society likes to dilute the truth into something either more palatable, more entertaining, for people to consume greedily. What I want to know is what you have faced. How you have not allowed the experience to overcome you so much so that your humanity is erased like the characters I lecture on."

Eyes closing of their own volition you are thrown back in time to that night so many years ago. You didn't talk about it anymore. Bitsy knew of course, but that was the extent.

Laszlo waits. He knows this is likely to push you over the edge if your history with him means anything. Quite frankly, anyone would be tossed to their limit at his interrogation had they gone through what you had. John always told him that he needed to work on his bedside manner; that he had a habit of coming on too strong in his pursuit of learning the intricacies of the human mind. But your earlier comment about being sent to a so-called 'nuthouse' rubbed him the wrong way. It left a bad taste in his mouth. He needed to know. He needed to understand.

Laszlo can imagine the reprimand that he would receive from John and Sara for this. Just as he considers apologizing for his intrusion you open your eyes.

"She was fine. None of us suspected anything was wrong. I came home from having dinner with some… boy, and she had locked herself in the bathroom. She- she must have started over the sink and moved to sit on the side of the tub. She was hunched inside it when I got the door open. I pulled her out. Blood was… everywhere." Your voice is clinical as you explain.

"After, I shut down. So I checked myself into a psych ward a few days later when I couldn't get the feel of her blood off my hands. It's slippery, you know. And it smells. You wouldn't think so but it does." You clear your throat. "I did the therapy, took the meds they prescribed, all the standard treatments. Later I started watching true crime documentaries. I'd heard about exposure therapy so I figured the more I saw the gore, the less the image of my dead roommate would bother me. And it did help. The nightmares stopped after a while, I came back to school. I was better, just not the same.” You had watched the passing landscape as you explained. Turning to face him you speak again. “That's why those pictures didn't bother me. They weren't anything I hadn't seen before."

He contemplates you. The discovery and subsequent loss of your friend in this manner would no doubt cause lingering effects to your psyche. A stain that would forever remind you. "I offer my sincerest condolences. I do not presume to know what that would be like to experience, but I am glad you sought help afterwards. To make the choice to alleviate yourself of your own suffering where possible.”

As he says this he realizes that your anger towards the idea of being enslaved to unconscious impulse makes perfect sense. It explains why you focused so much energy on defending your belief in free will. That you have the power to choose how you carry your joy, your anger, your healing. It reminds him of how he held onto his own guilt and hurt, ignoring how it festered within him for so long. He feels as though he needs to share a piece of himself with you.

“I played piano as a child, quite well too. My mother hoped I would someday make a career of it. I vividly remember playing Mozart’s Concerto for Piano No. 20 in D Minor at a holiday party when I was seven years old. It was my favorite to play.... It requires two hands." You finally look at him. "My father...” He pauses to gather himself.

Now it is the doctor that cannot meet your eyes. As you listen you feel your confusion grow. How could he have been a talented pianist if he only had full use of his left hand? Unless..., the realization dawns on you just as he continues, his words slow.

“My father had two sides. One loving and the other brutal, the two often coexisting. It was something as trivial as putting me to bed, I recall... A game of tug of war. We were laughing…” He inhales a sharp breath. Already you can feel the tears begin to blur your vision. “I don't remember if he was drunk or if I said something that offended him. He must have pulled my arm behind my back.” Laszlo exhales shakily. “In small children, fractures can often affect…” he trails off, unable to finish. You can hear how he barely holds himself together.

Your heart aches for the broken man that sits in front of you. He never let on how much his arm bothered him, at least not within your presence. Suddenly you don’t see him as this rude, insufferable, obsessive man, but instead as someone that spends his life trying to protect himself. He projects his own anger and hurt so that he may, just for a minute, forget about his own demons. He wants to help others even when he feels he cannot bear to help himself.

But unlike you, he has to live with the physical reminder of his past every day of his life.

You stand and move to sit on his right side. Before allowing yourself to think too much of your actions, you place your hand atop his own, curling your fingers around his palm and squeezing delicately. You don’t bother wiping away the tears on your cheeks. “I’m so sorry, Laszlo;” the whisper is barely heard above the sound of the train. A second passes where you fear you have overstepped and offended him by touching the affected limb. When his thumb tightens against the backs of your fingers you know he is not. He holds you in place.

“You asked me how I kept my humanity. How does anyone really? We learn to take what we get and we carry it in a bag. Sometimes you have to drag the damn thing behind you. But eventually the weight gets less and less if you allow yourself to move forward, even if it’s still there with you all the time. I dealt with what happened years ago and it does still haunt me. It’s easier now than it was, but… I- I suppose I’ve learned from you too. Sitting in those lectures and hearing you talk. We can either let it haunt us for the rest of our lives… or we can accept it… and use the memory of our pain to help ourselves and others.”

“I’m not sure the choice is entirely in our hands.” His tone is mournful.

You turn to smile at him through your tears. His own eyes are bloodshot. “I disagree. If it weren’t, if we didn’t have the freedom to choose that, we’d all be murderers.”

Tag list

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[bamf-jaskier]

Who the Fuck is Eskel?

If you have ever gone on The Witcher tag on Tumblr, I’m sure you’ve seen dozens of blogs dedicated to this guy named Eskel and for people who have just seen the show you might be wondering - who the fuck is this guy? 

Hi, I’m Aaliyah, and this is Part 5 of my WTF Series - a crash course in subjects from The Witcher Books. 

Post under the cut

Let’s jump in by talking about what books Eskel is in. He’s only mentioned in one line in The Last Wish, The Tower of Swallows and The Time of Contempt. He has a flashback scene in Lady of the Lake and the only book where he plays a heavy role in is Blood of Elves. 

For all you Eskel Stans out there, this is good news, because it looks like S2 of the show is going to be taking some cues from Blood of Elves and we do know Eskel is going to be appearing so these scenes might be showing up in some form or another in the show. 

We first meet Eskel in Blood of Elves when Geralt is first bringing Ciri to the keep:

“Who comes?” Ciri heard a menacing, metallic voice which sounded like a dog’s bark. “Geralt?”

“Yes, Eskel. It’s me.”

“Come in.”

The witcher dismounted, took Ciri from the saddle, stood her on the ground and pressed a bundle into her little hands which she grabbed tightly, only regretting that it was too small for her to hide behind completely.

“Wait here with Eskel,” he said. “I’ll take Roach to the stables.”

“Come into the light, laddie,” growled the man called Eskel. “Don’t lurk in the dark.”

Ciri looked up into his face and barely restrained her frightened scream. He wasn’t human. Although he stood on two legs, although he smelled of sweat and smoke, although he wore ordinary human clothes, he was not human. No human can have a face like that, she thought.

“Well, what are you waiting for?” repeated Eskel.

She didn’t move. In the darkness she heard the clatter of Roach’s horseshoes grow fainter. Something soft and squeaking ran over her foot. She jumped. “Don’t loiter in the dark, or the rats will eat your boots.”

Still clinging to her bundle Ciri moved briskly towards the light. The rats bolted out from beneath her feet with a squeak. Eskel leaned over, took the package from her and pulled back her hood.

“A plague on it,” he muttered. “A girl. That’s all we need.”

She glanced at him, frightened. Eskel was smiling. She saw that he was human after all, that he had an entirely human face, deformed by a long, ugly, semi-circular scar running from the corner of his mouth across the length of his cheek up to the ear.

“Since you’re here, welcome to Kaer Morhen,” he said. “What do they call you?”

“Ciri,” Geralt replied for her, silently emerging from the darkness. Eskel turned around. Suddenly, quickly, wordlessly, the witchers fell into each other’s arms and wound their shoulders around each other tight and hard. For one brief moment.

“Wolf, you’re alive.”

“I am.”

“All right.” Eskel took a torch from its bracket. “Come on. I’m closing the inner gates to stop the heat escaping.”

Couple things here. First, for all the game fans out there, Eskel’s scar in the books is VERY different. It’s not the lightening-like claw marks that go over his eye but instead it goes from the corner of his mouth to his ear. This is interesting because it really parallels in my mind Ciri’s scar she gets later on that extends from under her eye to her ear. 

Also, the little reunion between Geralt and Eskel, so sweet. The line about Eskel in Last Wish establishes that they were close friends so here is the snippet just to give more backstory to the two of them: 

“Once, years ago, when a little snot-faced brat following his studies in Kaer Morhen, the Witchers’ Settlement, he and a friend, Eskel, had captured a huge forest bumblebee and tied it to a jug with a thread. They were in fits of laughter watching the antics of the tied bumblebee, until Vesemir, their tutor, caught them at it and tanned their hides with a leather strap.”

Childhood friends and brothers is just so damn great. Actually, speaking of brothers, it is stated in Blood of Elves that Geralt and Eskel actually look very similar and are often mistaken for brothers such as in this scene from Triss’s POV. 

Eskel stood next to Geralt, resembling the Wolf like a brother apart from the colour of his hair and the long scar which disfigured his cheek. And the youngest of the Kaer Morhen witchers, Lambert, was there with his usual ugly, mocking expression. Vesemir was not there.

“Welcome and come in,” said Eskel. “It is as cold and blustery as if someone has hung themselves. Ciri, where are you off to? The invitation does not apply to you. The sun is still high, even if it is obscured. You can still train.”

“Hey.” The Enchantress tossed her hair. “Politeness comes cheap in Witchers’ Keep now, I see. Ciri was the first to greet me, and brought me to the castle. She ought to keep me company—”

This really interests me because Ciri is very young child when she meets Eskel and she is very terrified of him and intimidated. Which makes sense, she is very traumatized. But, when Triss meets Eskel she only makes a short note of his scar and focuses more on his resemblance to Geralt and commenting on the lack of politeness. It just goes to show how different characters perceive people differently. A child’s perspective of a warrior is not going to be the same as a Mage’s. 

“You didn’t even know.” She nodded in what was now a calm, concerned and gentle reproach. “You’re pathetic guardians. She’s ashamed to tell you because she was taught not to mention such complaints to men. And she’s ashamed of the weakness, the pain and the fact that she is less fit. Has any one of you thought about that? Taken any interest in it? Or tried to guess what might be the matter with her? Maybe her very first bleed happened here, in Kaer Morhen? And she cried to herself at night, unable to find any sympathy, consolation or even understanding from anyone? Has any one of you given it any thought whatsoever?”

“Stop it, Triss,” moaned Geralt quietly. “That’s enough. You’ve achieved what you wanted. And maybe even more.”

“The devil take it,” cursed Coën. “We’ve turned out to be right idiots, there’s no two ways about it, eh, Vesemir, and you—”

“Silence,” growled the old witcher. “Not a word.”

It was Eskel’s behaviour which was most unlikely; he got up, approached the enchantress, bent down low, took her hand and kissed it respectfully. She swiftly withdrew her hand. Not so as to demonstrate her anger and annoyance but to break the pleasant, piercing vibration triggered by the witcher’s touch. Eskel emanated powerfully. More powerfully than Geralt.

“Triss,” he said, rubbing the hideous scar on his cheek with embarrassment, “help us. We ask you. Help us, Triss.”

Now, if you can’t tell, Triss’ favorite is Eskel. This scene is also implies that Eskel is more magically powerful than Geralt which Is very interesting. But Triss is an Eskel stan, in fact a couple lines later Triss thinks to herself: 

Vesemir hawked again. But Eskel, dear Eskel, kept his head and once more behaved as was fitting.

“Of course,” he said casually, smiling. “We understand and clearly we will postpone your exercises until your indisposition has passed. We will also cut the theory short and, if you feel unwell, we will put it aside for the time being, too. If you need any medication or—”

Eskel definitely has the older sibling energy where he ends up in charge sometimes and knows how to keep a cool head. He’s also the most aware of societal norms of behavior which is why Triss likes his so much. She really respects people who know how to move in society. 

There’s also this scene in Blood of Elves where Eskel is drinking and offers Triss some:

“White Seagull.”

“What?”

“A mild remedy,” Eskel smiled, “for pleasant dreams.”

“Damn it! A witcher hallucinogenic? That’s why your eyes shine like that in the evenings!”

“White Seagull is very gentle. It’s Black Seagull that is hallucinogenic.”

“If there’s magic in this liquid I’m not allowed to take it!”

“Exclusively natural ingredients,” Geralt reassured her but he looked, she noticed, disconcerted. He was clearly afraid she would question them about the elixir’s ingredients. “And diluted with a great deal of water. We would not offer you anything that could harm you.”

I think it’s very funny how secret The Witcher keeps all their potions and elixirs. Whether it’s mushrooms or potions, they gotta keep those secret drugs locked down tight. Also the fact that Eskel is the fantasy equivalent of high every night? Love that for him.  

Eskel really is the peace-maker of the group. He’s not a push-over by any means but he is definitely more willing to play along that any of the others. When Triss is talking at night, Eskel is really the only one listening and engaging, even if it’s very half-hearted. 

In the evenings, consistently and determinedly, Triss guided the long conversations held in the dark hall, lit only by the bursts of flames in the great hearth, towards politics. The witchers’ reactions were always the same. Geralt, a hand on his forehead, did not say a word. 

Vesemir nodded, from time to time throwing in comments which amounted to little more than that “in his day” everything had been better, more logical, more honest and healthier. 

Eskel pretended to be polite, and neither smiled nor made eye contact, and even managed, very occasionally, to be interested in some issue or question of little importance. Coën yawned openly and looked at the ceiling, and Lambert did nothing to hide his disdain.

And he is really the only sort-of listener to Triss’ stories and retellings of events: 

This time it was Triss who began to yawn and stare at the ceiling. This time she was the one who remained silent – until Eskel turned to her with a question. A question which she had anticipated.

“And what is it really like in the south, on the Yaruga? Is it worth going there? We wouldn’t like to find ourselves in the middle of any trouble.”

“What do you mean by trouble?”

“Well, you know…” he stammered, “you keep telling us about the possibility of a new war… About constant fighting on the borders, about rebellions in the lands invaded by Nilfgaard. You said they’re saying the Nilfgaardians might cross the Yaruga again—”

“So what?” said Lambert. “They’ve been hitting, killing and striking against each other constantly for hundreds of years. It’s nothing to worry about. I’ve already decided – I’m going to the far South, to Sodden, Mahakam and Angren. It’s well known that monsters abound wherever armies have passed. The most money is always made in places like that.”

“True,” Coën acknowledged. “The neighbourhood grows deserted, only women who can’t fend for themselves remain in the villages… scores of children with no home or care, roaming around… Easy prey attracts monsters.”

“And the lord barons and village elders,” added Eskel, “have their heads full of the war and don’t have the time to defend their subjects. They have to hire us. It’s true. But from what Triss has been telling us all these evenings, it seems the conflict with Nilfgaard is more serious than that, not just some local little war. Is that right, Triss?”

Once more, Eskel is the peace-maker of the conversation and he brings it back around to what Triss originally said and also points to her expertise. Basically, Eskel is not really a fan of verbal conflict. 

This is actually the last line we see Eskel in a scene outside of the flashback in Lady of the Lake. After this, Triss, Geralt and Ciri head off. It is important to note that near the end of Blood of Elves Ciri says this about Yennefer:

The lady magician knew a surprising amount about a witcher’s sword and “dance.” She knew a great deal about the secrets of Kaer Morhen; there was no doubt she had visited the Keep. She knew Vesemir and Eskel. Although not Lambert and Coën.

Yennefer used to visit Kaer Morhen. Ciri guessed why – when they spoke of the Keep – the eyes of the enchantress grew warm, lost their angry gleam and their cold, indifferent, wise depth. If the words had befitted Yennefer’s person, Ciri would have called her dreamy, lost in memories.

So clearly Yennefer is also friendly with Eskel and knows him. I love the idea that Yennefer regularly visited Kaer Morhen before Ciri came into Geralt’s care and I would literally cry if they did a flashback sequence in S2 of Yennefer visiting Geralt in Kaer Morhen. 

The flashback sequence in Lady of the Lake with Eskel goes like this: 

The fire in the huge fireplace went out. A gust of wind from the mountains whistled through the crevices of the walls and screamed through the improperly closed shutters of Kaer Morhen, Home of the Witchers.

“Damn it!” Eskel said, standing up and going to the cupboard. “Seagull or vodka?”

“Vodka,” Geralt and Coen said with one voice.

“Sure,” interjected Vesemir, hidden in the shadows, “Yes, of course! Drown your stupidity in vodka. Damn fools!”

“It was an accident…” muttered Lambert. “She had already mastered the comb…”

“Shut your big mouth, you idiot! I don’t want to hear any more! I warned you, if something happened to that little girl…”

“Enough,” Coen interrupted him, softly. “She sleeps peacefully. Deep and healthy. She will wake up a bit sore, but that’s it. About the trance, and what happened, she will not even remember it.”

“As long as you remember,” said Vesemir, panting angrily. “Cabbage heads! Pour for me too, Eskel.”

They were silent for a long time, listening intently to the howling gale.

“We will need to call someone,” Eskel finally said. “We will need to bring a sorcerer here. What is happening to the girl, it is not normal.”

Eskel is one of The Witcher who really pushes to call Triss in order to help with Ciri’s trances. Also, once again this guy is hitting the drinks. 

So yeah! That’s Eskel in the books. Based on how in the non-canon wedding short Asaps wrote where he ended up having Triss and Eskel get together, I think his hints of them having a connection in the books is very intentional and if The Witcher wasn’t such a god damn tragedy and Triss wasn’t mooning over Geralt, I’m willing to bet they would have gotten together at some point. 

Eskel is the peace-maker of the family and is the best at recognizing the norms of “polite society” (or at least noble society) and while Ciri might have been scared of his appearance, it isn’t enough to phase Triss who is considered rather vain. In fact, she seems to respect Eskel the most out of the Witchers. Just imagine a dark-haired, scarred Geralt and BOOM, you got yourself an Eskel. 

[mvnvgedmischief]

unremarkable days. 

summary: sirius black is trying to be a good man, a good brother, a good person. Sirius has a steady job designing book covers for a publishing house, a flat he never leaves, and a traumatized brother who was just removed from the custody of his parents. All in all, it's wildly unremarkable.

characters: sirius black, regulus black, background wolfstar

tags: tw: canon compliant abuse, child abuse, social services

words: 3.1k

read it on ao3 here

When Sirius wakes up, he feels like he doesn’t know where he is. It’s all too much, as usual. Just another completely  unremarkable day. He wishes he could say he didn’t feel like this all the time, he wishes he could say that waking up didn’t feel like the ultimate betrayal– a way that his body continued to force itself not to submit to his will. But he couldn’t say that when his day and his routine always felt like a chore. Not when he was tired, and so fucking bored of this life he kept waking up into. So he mindlessly rolls out of bed, thin hands already wrapped around his body in a self soothing posture. He didn’t remember the last time he had a good night’s rest. He finds himself stepping on the hardwood floor, all of his bones cracking into place, and wonders what the day will bring him.  

The way he trudged over to the coffee machine was mechanical. It was always just a short twenty steps, and yet each  stride felt like an eternity. He knew that nothing would get better without his normal too sweet cup of coffee, his eyes would not click into focus, the buzzing in his brain would  not slow down, the way his stomach lurched with every step, none of it would end until he had his  usual cup. So he made his way through the desolate flat, eyes unseeing, and before he knew it, his hands were wrapped around the shocking cold of a glass brimming with ice and espresso. He knew this isn’t the most productive part of his morning routine, but he doesn’t have the energy to care. A quick glance towards the clock told him he was running late, and it takes a moment for his brain to register the fact that he needs to care about that. He needed to do something about that. So he returns to his room, coffee in hand, and methodically picks out an outfit. When he was younger, his mother had impressed upon him the importance of a uniform. Every outfit should have at least three pieces, and uniforms were an excellent way to maintain looking put together. It was one of the only things Walburga had ever truly taught him, and it was all thanks to the high society life he left behind. 

But that life was gone now, it only lived in the recesses of his mind, and the periphery of his vision. He trudges back out of his room once more, this time towards his computer. He was far too busy to be behaving in this manner. He didn’t have the time to lose his mind, there were deadlines approaching. He logged on to his computer, into his first meeting of the day, and was met with a new project. He wished he could say he paid enough attention to know what the pitch was, but he figured he’d read the  summary  of the work in the brief James was kind enough to send over, as well as the client notes. It pays to work with your best friend. Sirius found himself chuckling humorlessly at that statement, and wondered how long it had been since he actually laughed.

He threw himself into the project, illustrating for a book cover he has yet to actually consider the content for. He knew it was a personal work, a series of poems that are no doubt about depression and trauma, given the brief, but there was no way he would actually be reading the poems. Not when he was already dealing with his own chaos. He was so busy grappling with being spurned by  his family, by his younger brother, that he didn’t really have the energy for someone else’s trauma. Instead, he was too busy trying to figure out how to deal with the resentment from his younger brother, a brother who had been placed in his care by the government. He was trying to figure out  how to budget for two, how to make this all work. The hearings and the documents and the lawyers and the awarding of custodial custody had all been incredibly intense, and he still didn’t know how to explain to Reggie why he left him behind, or how to ask what kind of support he needed. 

He heard the door click closed, which is a sound Sirius is not yet accustomed to.  He felt the hair stand up on the back of his throat, and his fingernails have torn into the soft flesh on the inside of his arm before he remembers that two people live here now and he is no longer living with his parents in Islington. Regulus had the courtesy to not say anything to him, instead locking himself in his room. For a moment, Sirius considered just leaving his brother alone, but something struck him as wrong. While they might not know how to interact the way they used to, Sirius would be damned if he couldn’t find a way to support his brother through this transition. It takes him a moment to remember that it was two pm on a Wednesday, which means Regulus just returned from court ordered counseling, no doubt to deal with the trauma his parents put him through. So Sirius pulled himself out of his chair, and shuffled over to Regulus’s door hesitantly. His thin fingers curled into a fist, but before he can even knock Regulus’s quiet sobbing met his ears. 

Sirius moved much faster after that, spurred on by his brother’s clear distress. He barely registered Regulus’s quiet “come in” before he’s bounding through the door. 

In times like these, Sirius is confronted with the fact that Regulus is only fifteen, and that  this whole thing must be weighing heavily upon him. It reminded Sirius a lot of himself, because Sirius wasn’t much older when he was kicked out of their childhood home. But still, Regulus seemed so much less prepared than Sirius had been. Sirius was again confronted by just how young they were, only fifteen and twenty-one, and far too young to be dealing with these calamities. Sirius only hoped that he could prevent Regulus from making the same mistakes he had, trusting the wrong people, only to be spurned by them. 

He sat cross legged on the floor beside Regulus, unsure of what to do. He wants to pull his brother into a fierce hug, and tell him that he’s safe here. But instead, he did the thing he always craved others would have, when he was a scared kid falling apart at the seams because of his parents and their torments. 

“Reg, can I touch you?” He asked, arms limply at his sides. He wondered if it was weird to ask, even though if Regulus said yes it wouldn’t matter whether or not it had been weird. 

The younger boy let out a heavy sigh and nodded, and their identical silver eyes meet in a look of anguish and understanding. 

Sirius pulled his younger brother into his arms, his embrace gentle, and found himself tutting as though he were a parent. He was trying to be comforting, he really was. Reg was so small, and Sirius remembers what that was like too. He remembers being that young, and that alone. He knew how badly they must have hurt Reg, for him to have reacted like this. Regulus was always much more prone to passivity, to giving in and staying quiet. He had always tried to blend into the background, and Sirius, in return, had always made much  more noise to keep their attention. It was only when he took it too far, that all attention was on Regulus. Regulus had simply cracked under their pressure, which was why Child Protective Services had gotten involved. He couldn’t hide anymore,  he had been noticed, and it wasn’t long before they got more vindictive. Regulus was lucky someone had called for a constable when the screaming in their old home was so loud the neighbors could hear, because he had been in such a state when the ambulance arrived. 

The crying only subsided when Regulus collapsed of exhaustion in Sirius’s thin arms. For as much as Sirius wanted to just let the boy sleep in the safety of an embrace from the closest thing he’d ever have to a paternal figure, he needed to go back to work if they wanted to maintain their flat. So he settled his brother into bed and made his way back to his desk. His email had popped off for lack of a better term, and the client wanted to schedule a preliminary ideation meeting. So he added Remus Lupin to his calendar and went back to his sketches. 

He heard the familiar ping of his alarm, and compiled his sketches into a PDF to prepare for his meeting. He grabbed his pen, his notebook, and titled his page for his notes. Remus Lupin: Pre-Lim/Brief. This would  hopefully be quick, and he could log off for the rest of the day. Something was nagging at him, like he knew things were about to go incredibly wrong. It felt like a thrumming in his chest, and a constant need to look over his shoulder. But he ignored it, in favor of popping on his headphones, and opening the Webex meeting. Before him was a man that looked almost as young as himself, with caramel colored hair and eyes to match. This was decidedly not good. Sirius didn’t have the time to develop a crush, and it seemed unethical to crush on the authors of the books he designed cover art for. But he doubted that would stop him, when he tended to be romantic by nature. 

“I’m Sirius, I’m the designer spearheading this project. Sorry we couldn’t do this in the office, I’m currently working remote.”

“Hi!” The other man greeted, “i’m Remus! Do you know when you’ll be back in the office? We could  reschedule and do this meeting over coffee?” Sirius could tell this was Remus’s first publication, either he had previously self published  or he had simply never worked with a company before, because he seemed eager to have his hands in design in the way that only green authors want to. 

“I don’t really know, I’m currently dealing with a family crisis. But if I do come in, I’ll be sure to Teams you.”

“Oh, okay. I just wanted to get a sense for what direction you’re taking the cover art in.”  

Sirius nodded, eyes trained on the screen, “I read over the brief you and James wrote up, and did some precursory sketches. I sent them over in an email, but I could also share my screen.”

They talked about the logistics of the art, what Remus was trying to convey in his poetry. It wasn’t until they were talking about the subject matter of the book that Sirius felt his teeth set on edge once more.

“The book covers a lot of abuse and processing trauma in a tongue in cheek way, so I think it’s important that the cover art conveys that while also not being too serious. I don’t want people to look at the book and go ‘oh that book is about when your ex boyfriend beats you’ but I don’t want it to catch them off guard –” 

Remus’s explanation was interrupted on Sirius’s end, by Regulus stumbling out of his room, eyes wide with fear. It was clear Sirius was no longer paying attention, and Sirius was sure that his client could hear the frightened way he called out “Siri–” on the other line. 

“Listen Remus, I have to call you back. Thanks so much for meeting with me, but I need to take care of something. My number’s on the emails if you want to discuss the book further.”

Sirius is quick to hang up the phone, and even quicker to move from the chair at his desk and meet his brother in the middle of the room. His silver eyes were trained on Regulus’s shaking hands and the blood dripping from fingers. He wondered what happened, but he wasn’t about to press the young boy. Not when he looked so thoroughly terrified. So instead, Sirius gently guides him over to the sink in the kitchen, rinses his hands under the water, and bandages up his hands. 

“Siri I swear, I didn’t mean to break it. It just happened, I’m sorry I really didn’t mean it–” Regulus was rattling off apologies and all Sirius wanted was to make him feel safe. He wanted to remind him that he wasn’t in Islington, that Sirius wouldn’t be mad about whatever he broke. But he doesn’t know what to say, other than “don’t worry about it, Reg.”  In that moment, Sirius practically swears that his chest aches with a heartache he forgot he could feel. 

When Reg finally settled down again, back to callously ignoring Sirius because of the resentment he had built up, Sirius found himself letting out a sigh he didn’t know he had been holding in. He had wondered how long their actual talking would last, but Sirius would take a sporadic two hours over two consistent minutes any day. 

He settled onto his couch, telly on for background noise, when he noticed a text from James. 

James: i’m coming over in 15. Bringing friends. Be cool. 

Sirius wanted to bang his head against the wall, because he couldn’t have friends over right now.  Not when Regulus was in such a precarious position. But given how long it had been since James had texted him,  there was no stopping him now. So instead Sirius knocks on Regulus’s door, only to find him in bed and half asleep. Sirius wondered if it was normal for a traumatized fifteen year old to sleep this much. But still, he explains to Regulus what was happening, in case the young man wanted him to divert to going out. When offered the out, away from constant vigilance, Regulus didn’t take it, which was, in some way, comforting to Sirius. Instead he told Sirius to try to be quiet, and not let anyone in his room, which Sirius happily obliges. In no time James was telling hiim they were on their way up, and that he was bringing the girl he had a crush on and her roommate. 

Sirius felt like a slob, looking around his home, but he didn’t have the energy to clean it up. So instead, he just unlocked the door, and told them to come in when they arrived. When they did finally make it, Sirius was shocked to be met with the author he had spoken to only a few short hours earlier, as well as his friends, and the girl James was apparently  smitten with. It was clear that Sirius was caught off guard evidently, because James was shouting “Surprise!” from behind him. 

Sirius met that excitement with a cold “Be quiet, Jamie.” It was clear that the group was drunk, which also didn’t bode well for Sirius. Because as soon as they were all settled on the couch, James is airing Sirius’s current chaos. 

“Remus, now that you’re our new best friend,” the man slurred, “you can peer pressure Siri into coming out with us. That bitch never comes out anymore because he’s a responsible parent.” 

Sirius, still nursing a cup of coffee, mumbled, “I resent that” into his cup. 

However, Remus must not have noticed, because he was too busy laughing. Part of Sirius was jealous at that, and he knew it. “I’m sure Sirius will come out when he has the time.” Sirius’s silver eyes met caramel brown and he wondered why Remus was sticking up for him. He finds his calloused hand brushing Remus’s thigh just briefly, and he wondered if he truly wants to flirt in front of his friends, people he’s never had the courage to come out to. 

The rest of their time in his apartment is a blur to Sirius, a blur of getting to know Remus a little better, and trying to  keep  James in line, but a blur nonetheless. But apparently whatever little flirting he had done had been enough for Remus to get the hint, because before Sirius can even blink it feels like, James is shouting for everyone to follow him to a bar, only for Remus to stay behind. 

When the others are out the door, Remus decided he’d make a move, and make a move he did. He got completely in the other man’s space and begins making demands. “If you’re gonna think about me that much, you could at least have the  decency to kiss me.” 

In an instant, Sirius was acting on it, and for a moment it feels like all of his troubles melted away. All he could focus on for a split second was the pillowy softness of Remus’s lips. And just as quickly  as he came, Remus is bounding out the door to follow behind the group. 

This was a day Sirius would remember for a long time. 

The next morning was Regulus’s first day back to school after all of the proceedings, and Sirius was excited to have the house to himself. So excited, in fact, that he sent off a text stating that he dropped Reg off to school, and that he hoped he could actually get some work done that day. That text had been intended for James, but Sirius clearly hadn’t been focused enough to make sure James was the recipient, because he quickly realized that it went to Remus instead. 

Remus, however, responds with excitement and asks if they could finish their conversation of his book over coffee, and Sirius simply didn’t have the heart to say no. That was how Remus ended up in Sirius’s apartment. However, what that didn’t explain were the events that followed. 

When Remus arrived, Sirius felt like shit. He felt shaky and like his vision was clouded and exhausted. He hadn’t intended to fall asleep while Remus was in his home, and he definitely didn’t expect Remus's legs as his pillow, and a pale hand combing through his unruly hair mindlessly. 

He really didn’t expect the way Remus kissed him again, with much more passion and fervor than he had the night before. And maybe it was Sirius’s lack of expectations and predictions that would be his downfall, because it was definitely how he ended up pulling his clothes back on while Remus slept off his afterglow in Sirius’s bed, and how Sirius ended up agreeing to a date with Remus later in the week, despite the fact that Sirius didn’t have the time. 

[tisthenightofthewitch]

Ghost’s Tobias Forge talks about being sued by Nameless Ghouls, spurned by the Vatican and immortalized in plastic effigy

When it comes to Swedish bands, Americans tend to think of pop icons like ABBA, black metal acts like Bathory, or the odd alt-rock band like The Cardigans, after which we stop thinking about them at all.But that was before the band Ghost began its slow yet inevitable ascent. Hailing from Linköping, a city in Sweden known for its ornate cathedrals, the bandmembers concealed their secret identities beneath elaborate costumery, a time-tested tradition fostered by bands like Kiss and The Residents. 

Occupying centerstage was Papa Emeritus, a skull-faced character fond of ghoulish corpse paint, a high-pointed hat and ornate papal vestments decorated with upside-down crosses. Standing stock-still at the microphone, his face frozen in a miserable scowl, the singer appeared, for all intents and purposes, to be hovering at death’s door or just beyond it. His bandmates, unceremoniously referred to as “Nameless Ghouls,” wore hooded robes and black masks, a look that soon began showing up at European cosplay conventions.

While this combination of corpse-paint, national origin and grinding guitar riffs led some critics to liken their sound to Swedish death metal, the keyboard-heavy liturgical vibe of Ghost’s early music arguably owed more to classic Pink Floyd.

That’s especially true of “Secular Haze,” the breakthrough single from their 2013 sophomore album Infestissumam. Following its release, the band put out the Dave Grohl-produced If You Have Ghost, a five-song covers EP that includes the Roky Erickson song of the same name, as well as renditions of Depeche Mode’s “Waiting for the Night” and, appropriately enough, ABBA’s “Like a Marionette.”

But 2013 also had its share of disappointments, including the ascension of Pope Francis, who was elected on the fifth ballot, thwarting Papa’s hard-fought and highly publicized campaign for the position.

The rest is history, of a sort. Following a series of European dates with Metallica, Ghost are now embarking on an arena tour of their own that will include an Oct. 1 concert headlining the Broadmoor World Arena. Their single “Cirice” won the 2016 Grammy Award for Best Metal Performance, while their most recent album Prequelle and its single “Rats” were respectively nominated in this year’s Best Rock Album and Best Rock Song categories.

Along the way, the band has gone through a succession of Pope characters —  Papa Emeritus I, Papa Emeritus II, and Papa Emeritus III — who have since been replaced by the far more kinetic Cardinal Copia, who has more of a mafioso image and hyperactive stage presence. All four frontman roles have been played by Tobias Forge, whose identity was outed two years ago when four former Nameless Ghouls filed a since-dismissed lawsuit alleging unpaid wages.

Ghost have also undertaken a series of musical transitions that became especially obvious with last year’s Prequelle, a concept album that employs the 14th-century black plague as an allegory for our current troubles. While Forge hasn’t fully abandoned his band’s past sound, tracks like “Rats” veer toward the ’70s arena-rock sound of Def Leppard, Foreigner, and even Journey, with whom the band toured last year.

In the following interview, Forge holds forth on a wide array of subjects, including litigious ex-Ghouls, the Swedish anti-vaccine movement and his alter-ego’s forthcoming immortalization — alongside legendary artists like Prince and Jean-Michel Basquiat — as a Funko Pop! figurine.

Indy: Let’s begin by talking about the concept behind your most recent album. It opens with that really creepy version of “Ring Around the Rosie, ” which is always a good way to start an album about the bubonic plague. Was there any specific reason why you chose that theme at this particular point in history?

Tobias Forge: Well, I think there are important lessons to be learned from all chapters of history. The plague was an epidemic that wiped out half of Europe, and, we can assume, traumatized the Asian population as well. And back then, people in general were uneducated, they were superstitious, they were religious, they believed in hocus-pocus. So it must have literally felt like the end of the world was just going to happen tomorrow. And that is always an interesting concept. Because we know now that it was not the end of the world. You know, mankind persevered. So while I believe in environmental issues, and that there are a lot of things that can be done in order to make the world a better place, I also think there’s not as much doom and gloom as it may appear.

So what would you say are the lessons we can learn from that period?

I guess the most simple and most obvious one is that we can debate forever — all day and night — about what happens after we’re dead. But I can promise you that we do not know. We can hope for there to be an afterlife, or 72 virgins, or whatever else is on your wishlist. But there’s no way of knowing. And anyone who tells you that they know, they are lying because they want something from you, or they want you to believe in something. And so I think your time and your energy will be better spent trying to embrace life instead of being wary of death. Because life is fragile, and you don’t know if you’ll have another one.

And then there’s this myriad of human instincts that comes into play when apocalypse is near, and one of them is who’s to blame for this, that, and the other. Back in the plague days, as I said, there was this predominance of religious people who believed in hocus-pocus and were pretty uneducated and pretty fucking dumb. They believed that female sexuality was to blame for essentially God abandoning mankind. So while you had people dying off in droves, you also had these people killing women because they were good-looking or, in one way or another, enticed some sort of sexual arousal. And that was obviously the work of the devil, and while they were alive, they would interfere with the survival of mankind. But unfortunately, those kind of very uneducated and outright stupid people are still well-represented in the world, and it’s very important that we address that.

Since you’ve researched and written about all this, I’m curious what you think about your country’s decision, back in March, to ban mandatory vaccinations.

Oh, that’s a good question, but I don’t really have a good answer. But I do think that there is a dichotomy between what the population might need, and what a pharmaceutical company needs for its own benefit. I’m trying not to sound like a conspiracy theorist, but about 10 years ago, there was an outbreak of a flu, and companies would have entire offices vaccinated. And, on first glance, it’s like, “That’s great how society and all these bosses and corporations came together.” And I’m aware that the number of people that actually came down with it was not that many. So was that because of this shot, or was it because maybe the threat wasn’t as great as they were saying it was? Because, more often than not, there’s an economic incentive somewhere for someone. But not being a biologist nor a chemist, I don’t know anything about stuff like that. So, as I said, I don’t have a straight answer.

On a happier note, Funko’s Papa Emeritus II doll came out last month…

Yes, speaking of monetaries. [Laughs.]

That’s right. And I have to say, I’m really impressed by how realistic it is, especially in the way it just stands there and doesn’t do anything. How does it feel to be immortalized in that way?

I don’t really see it as that. I mean, when I sort of regard anything that we have done, even a photo, I don’t necessarily think of it as me being in that photo. I’m just sort of detached from the character on the visual side, which is to my benefit, actually. I’m way too vain, so I would have had a problem if it was my face that we were working with. So having the sort of official visuals of Ghost is actually quite liberating.

I understand that you started out playing in punk and death metal bands. Was Ghost the first time that you got to indulge your pre-The Wall Pink Floyd side?

No, I have played non-death metal in other bands before. But when Ghost started taking shape, I think I just found a way to write songs that sort of tick both boxes — one box being melodic pop-rock, or whatever it is, and the other being sort of metal. It felt playful, and it felt intuitive and progressive, for lack of a more fitting word. Whereas in the past, it’s like the metal bands were metal, and the rock bands were rock, and they didn’t combine the two. So I definitely found it more effective, and way more fun, to do something in between. Your stage presence is way more kinetic these days, although pretty much anything is more kinetic than standing in front of a microphone and scaring people. But you’re reaching the point now where the choreography in a video like “Rats” is borderline Michael Jackson. Is that the result of having more personal confidence these days?

Yeah, I would definitely say that. There are critics of the band who feel that the less animated version in the beginning was better and more ominous, and that we should still be embracing that. But a lot of the cryptic nature of Papa I was due to being constrained by the costume and the size of the stage.

And now we’re playing bigger places, where there’s way more ground to cover and there isn’t a single cord onstage that you can trip on, so of course you have to move around, right? I mean, if we were onstage now for two hours with that sort of unanimated version we were doing back in 2011, people would be demanding their money back. It’s just part of growing. You can see the same thing if you look at a clip of the Rolling Stones from 1964. Mick Jagger is Mick Jagger, but he’s definitely not the Mick Jagger that you see in 1969 or 1972. It takes time to build that confidence and find your own way of moving around.

I know you campaigned really hard for the pope’s job back in 2013. And I think a lot of your fans were really disappointed when the smoke came up the chimney and it turned out you didn’t get it. Do you think that your losing out to Pope Francis was the result of Vatican corruption?

Sure, most things going on there are because of corruption anyway. So I’m sure that was one of them. Or it might also have been my lack of faith — or my lack monetary means at the time — that prohibited my exaltation within the ranks of the Vatican.

And finally, I have a question about that lawsuit. Do you think that if you’d given names to your Nameless Ghouls, they would have been less vindictive?

You mean, if I’d given them names instead of making them completely anonymous? Probably, I guess. It’s hard to say. Because with most people that are drawn to the performance stage, you do so with a certain inclination to be seen and appreciated. So maybe if our positions were reversed, I would have felt the same way. Until seven or eight years ago, I really wanted to be famous, so my idea of being in a band was definitely different from what it turned out to be.

I’ve been in charge and working on this full-time, nonstop, for 10 years. Other people in Ghost would work a few hours every day, and then, during the four months between tours when I was making a record, they weren’t really doing anything that had to do with Ghost. And since I was representing the band at all of the meetings, I was getting pats on the back and feeling like what I was doing was good. Whereas, if you had nothing to do with the day-to-day stuff, you maybe didn’t get the pat on the back that you needed in order to feel fulfilled in life. So, you know, maybe if they had gotten their name on there, and could at least be recognized in the street, maybe that would have changed things. But on the other hand, I’ve played with others who didn’t give a shit about that happening.

COLORADO SPRINGS INDEPENDENT

[everything-withered]

Ichiruki, what do you think their first time sleeping in the same bed was like? Did they start out thinking it was a plutonic snuggle session?

Ichigo doesn’t sleep.

His insomnia isn’t something he shares with anyone. Not that anyone really suspects given how naturally grumpy and quote, unquote “scowly” he is, in the twins’ words.

His dad suspects it’s happening after the Hollow attack. But just like when Ichigo had been a child - traumatized by his mother’s death - his dad doesn’t know the real story, can’t possibly know what to say to him, and even if he had, Ichigo’s always been notoriously stubborn.

Ichigo has always been his mother’s son in that way, Dad would tell people with fond sadness.

And as much as he annoys him, Ichigo isn’t about to do that to his dad again. He’s only got Dad to back off with the worrying, and he doesn’t want to tempt Yuzu into it too, now that she’s old enough to guilt-trip him about taking care of himself. She does that fine thinking he doesn’t get out enough.  

So, instead, Ichigo stares at the ceiling; waiting for light to creep in, for shadows to grow.

As he always has.

But in the few days since he’d taken Rukia’s powers, the stillness he’d cultivated for years in the hopes that he’d eventually succumb to exhaustion (or, more likely, boredom) had whittled away to nothing, and he can’t keep still.

He feels the unbearable urge to throw off his blankets; to pace and stalk and move.

And he can’t.

Not if he wants to accidentally wake someone.

Or worse, run into someone downstairs. God, walking into the kitchen to see Karin, sitting on the kitchen counter and staring at Mom’s blown up picture on the wall, is an image he couldn’t erase. Karin’s always been quieter about her grief than any of them have. At the time, seeing her there had been the reason he’d settled into his routine with fervor, even if his skin still itched with the phantom tease of adrenaline, but he’d felt awful for it - like a voyeur of the pain she’d kept so carefully concealed from them.

He can’t risk doing that to her.

So, he doesn’t get up, much as he wants to.

Ichigo huffs out a breath, rolls over again, and stares at the clock he’d turned towards him a few hours ago. The dumb thing is broken: It says only twenty minutes have passed since the last time he’d looked.

He rolls over again, punching at his pillow like the fault lays in it before he settles again, exhaling noisily.

The room is quiet; the night still - and then the closet door slides open.

He’s almost relieved for the distraction, already tossing back around and raising himself on an elbow to glare at his roommate, and hissing, “What?”

“What, what?” Rukia mocks, equally conscious that they could be heard as they trade harsh whispers, “I may be dead, but this body needs rest too.”

He recoils a little, embarrassed and grateful that its dark enough that she probably can’t see it.

Ichigo doesn’t apologize for waking her - he didn’t even know she needed to sleep, and it isn’t like he asked her to stay with him - but grunts his acknowledgment, and tries to school himself into something resembling a model of sleep until he hears her huff again, the closet door closing with a sigh.

He doesn’t realize he’s coiled tight, stiff as a board when he feels a cool touch against his arm, and he’s so startled he jerks into the wall hard enough to bruise.

“What the hell -”

“Move,” she orders in a hiss, and he’s caught by her appearance: the streetlight from his window shines off the apple of her cheek, a touch of pale gold against her cheekbone, nose and the curve of her lips; Rukia’s wearing one of Yuzu’s pajamas, the yellow one with the bunnies; everything’s askew, hair included, and the tiredness that pulls around her eyes is the reason he’ll give for why he so easily follows her commands. He won’t say he’s sorry for waking her. He didn’t ask her to be here anyway - “Can’t enjoy a decent bed, unbelievable,” she mutters.

He bites his lip, feels bad for even entertaining the idea, however fleeting, of sending her off; Rukia doesn’t have her powers. She’s basically human. She doesn’t have anywhere to go. He turns to face the wall determined not to fold to the panic that makes his hands twitch, his muscles shake.

He takes a breath; in - out: catches the scent of his shampoo, fresher in Rukia’s hair from her more recent shower; the detergent of the clothes stored in her sleeping quarters and something that reminds him of the cold; like a winter breeze.

She’s cooler than he expects, temperature-wise, she shivers from the change of it. Though the warmth of his bed, with his blankets and his own body heat, is welcomed relief in her sigh and the way her body sags. Ichigo makes a mental note to leave more blankets in the closet.

For all her formal behaviors, though, Rukia isn’t shy about cuddling in close, forehead rested against the wing of his scapula, arm hooked through his. She’s careful to keep her lower body at a respectable enough distance away - nothing suggestive or improper really - if it had been Yuzu or Karin, he’d probably just nudge them back a little, untangled their feet. As it is, he doesn’t do anything more than give a cursory grumble.

“I’m doing this for your own good,” she answers, prim and haughty like she really believes that.

“Really,” he says with a sarcastic roll of his eyes to no one but the wall he’s facing. “You stealing my bed and my body heat is doing me a favor.”

He feels her nudge his back in a nod, and Ichigo thinks, fine, that’s it - now he has to stay still because Rukia is there literally holding him down, and if he won’t sleep, at least he won’t move, and that’s something - that’s -

She exhales loudly. “For someone who doesn’t like to talk, you think really loudly.”

“Then just go back to your closet, it’ll be less loud from in there,” Ichigo snarks in return.

Haltingly, Rukia replies, “No, it won’t.” Then, “You’re used to this though, not sleeping.”

“How do you figure that?” Sure, Ichigo had slept like a rock that first night he’d taken her powers, but she’d had her part in knocking him out then. And all the times after, he’d - he’d tried -

“I can hear you,” and failed apparently, though she doesn’t sound judgmental or annoyed by it, in fact, she sounds almost…Rukia leaves it, says instead, “It’s an adjustment, Shinigami powers; it feels like there’s more potential in you, that you need to move, that you have to go. Once you kill a Hollow, once you purify a soul; it feels like -”

“Purpose,” he completes, and yes-yes, that makes sense.

He’d known it felt different from when his mom had died. There weren’t any nightmares to go with his sleeplessness; nothing tangible to blame it on, except his new powers - except Rukia. That’s what it is - guilty - Rukia feels guilty.

“I’m sorry,” she says in confirmation to which he shakes his head, peering over his shoulder. Despite how they’re pressed together, she doesn’t hide in the shadow of him and she meets his gaze almost defiantly - yes, I’m sorry, it says, but it had to be done; I didn’t want you to carry this burden, but it’s yours now, and I can still feel bad for the necessity of it; the cost of it. I can still be sorry that it had to be you. “

He chuckles, and her eyes widen in surprise as his mouth curves into something like a smile. "I’m used to going without sleep, but I’m not used to having something to stay awake for.”

He looks away then, back to the wall, and he hears her hum. Then, “You want to go - you want to patrol and purify and hunt, but you can’t. Not every night. You need your strength and your rest when you can get it. Until you learn to give yourself a break, I’ll be here to make sure your body rests, if not your mind.”

Ichigo huffs, hopes she hears his thanks, and thinks she does when he doesn’t shuffle around anymore.

There’s quiet, stillness. Some is her doing - the anchor of her keeping him from drifting - while the other is his - his measured breathes, his thoughts beginning to slow, until his mouth moves, and he wonders aloud, “You’ve done this before.”

A beat passes, then, “Yes, with my family.”

“In Soul Society.”

“The Rukongai,” she verifies, and his mind niggles on the distinction, “That’s different.”

“A different part of it, yes.”

Undeterred by her hesitation, he prods, “So the Seireitei is…”

“The Court of Pure Souls,” Rukia says, “it’s where Shinigami live, train and work.”

“What’s the difference between there and the Rukongai?”

She shuffles behind him, and Ichigo thinks she won’t answer. Then, “Only souls with spiritual pressure are permitted to live in the Seireitei, not all of them land up there when they pass on. Most of us end up in the districts, like the Rukongai. It’s…crowded…and difficult.”

Ichigo doesn’t realize he’s threaded his fingers through hers until she squeezes back. “They don’t just let you in, even if you meet the requirements. You need to take the Shinigami exams, you need to pass.” She inhales, exhales. “The exams don’t happen very often and souls with spiritual pressure, they get agitated; they start fights, get in trouble - die. My family and I stuck together, grounded one another until we could take the exams, and put the energy to use.”

“Did it work?”

“Yes,” she replies, the answer muffled into the material of his shirt indication enough that the success rate wasn’t as high as she’d hoped.

“Your family…?”

“Just me…and Renji,” she says, and the name comes out rusted like she isn’t used to saying it or maybe that she’s tried not to say it for so long. Maybe…maybe Rukia misses this Renji, and Ichigo’s just - he’s a substitute for more than just her badge.

“Is he…waiting for you there?” Ichigo doesn’t know what answer he expects, what will be better, but she takes a steadying breath before saying, “No. No one’s waiting. No one’s…no one’s looking.”

Ichigo doesn’t turn again, much as he wants to. Rukia’s holding onto him too tight, and it’s much his fault as hers, his thumb pressed against her knuckles, and beneath her palm, he knows she can feel his heart pounding angrily. “Is that why…is that why you did it? Why you…gave up your powers for me because no one was going to miss you?”

“Yes.”

Lie, he hears instead.

Rukia-Rukia’s the type of person who’d give herself up for anyone just for the chance to save them. She’d put herself in harm’s way to ensure someone else didn’t get stupid and get themselves hurt, even if it meant she’d be the one doing the stupid thing and risk getting herself hurt in exchange. She’d do it. She’d do it if she was alone. She’d do it if she had a whole family who loved her, would wait for her, would miss her if she - She’d do it.

And Ichigo almost chokes with how hysterical his laugh comes, how it suddenly dawns on him how his dad can think of his mom with such fond, furious, sadness.

“Go to sleep,” she eventually says, undisturbed by his misplaced amusement as she rubs her hand in soothing circles against his chest. “Go to sleep, Ichigo.”

“I won’t,” he finally says, once he’s settled.

At that, Rukia snorts. “Ichigo.”

“I won’t wait for you, if you disappear,” he verifies, hand over hers, “I’ll go out and find you. I won’t…I won’t leave you behind.”

Ichigo doesn’t know how she feels about that, whether she believes him, but she presses her face against his shoulder, tucks her knees behind his and exhales slowly. He thinks, when he finally feels sleep tug at him, that she says, “I know.”

Lie, he mentally retorts, but he’ll show her. He will.

Ichigo is his mother’s son, after all.

MASTERPOST

[ice-cream-nekogirl]

Damien Marsh is Amy’s ex-boyfriend who she met in America and fell in love with but later dumped and threw him out of a glass window. He arrives to UA in hopes to reconcile with Amy.

Name: Damien Marsh Hero Name: Hirudo Species: Warlock Special Power: Drain Weapon: “Sentio Wand”

Damien: These A-holes don’t know nothing. They’re too obsessed being perfect little goody goodies that they don’t know that you just gotta do what it takes to win and get what you need. But oh well... makes it easier for me.

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=8v_4O44sfjM

TRIGGER WARNING: References/allusions to sexual assault.

He’s got a very approachable disposition, is highly intelligent and good at social situations as he can read people, and he’s also quite attractive too which makes him come off as a very nice, savvy and likeable guy. However this is all merely a façade, as Damien is actually extremely manipulative, deceptive and callous as he sees himself above everyone he interacts with and just weasels his way into things just so he can benefit himself.

Damien was inspired by some of the nastier boys I had the misfortune of growing up with, and the idea for him came to me when I listened to Christina Perri’s song ‘Jar of Hearts’ and Damien was born and it gave me an idea for his special ability of draining the power and energy out of people. I also thought about Amy’s history and I thought that she’d be the type to get into a bad relationship, because she has had bad relationships, whether it was familial or romantic.  

And the thing about Damien is that he’s a very insecure guy who thinks that everyone is so much better than him at everything, but to the point where he’s not very sympathetic because he lets all of his insecurities get to him and goes to extreme lengths to mask them by boasting about himself, presenting himself as this amazing and perfectly poised young man, and also taking credit for what others have done. He’s become like a leech, he sucks the positivity out of others if it means he’ll feel good about himself, because he does that. 

He literally sucked the joy and happiness out of Amy by draining her of her magic and rendering her powerless because it made him feel good, made him feel stronger and like he was above her in every way. Every time Amy couldn’t use her powers and magic, was because Damien made sure that she had no power while he did. So, he ultimately represents a toxic person who drains the life out of people around him like a parasite all for his own benefit and because he wants to feel good about himself, but resorts to hurting other people to do that so he doesn’t have to feel bad about himself. 

And he’s as slimy as he looks, seriously he’s one of the worst guys I’ve ever made, at least in terms of personality since he’s a total douche and makes BNHA jerks like Bakugo, Monoma and Shindo look like sweethearts.

Damien is a Jerkass incarnate, he’s emotionally abusive and manipulative to Amy, and also a complete jerk to Shinsou, Izuku and Todoroki when he meets them, and is a tool to boot since he’s such a faker and a shameless ass-kisser when he needs to be. However, people who are close to Amy such as Shinsou, Bakugo and Ashlen can see right through him, commenting that he absolutely stinks of bullshit and even Amy’s other classmates such as Jirou, Tokoyami and Tsuyu aren’t fooled by him and note that he’s a liar and a phony. 

Needless to say, many of Amy’s peers are not very fond of him when some of them greet him, Shinsou, Bakugo and Todoroki despise him, and Ashlen grows to quickly despise him since he’s as fake as the people from her old school and is well aware that he makes her best friend uncomfortable.

Their fears and concerns are all proven to be very founded since Damien’s intentions come to light and it urges Class 2-A to act and fight him since he threatened and harmed some of their classmates and even killed one. Sadly though, Damien actually shows that he’s a force to be reckoned with in his own right since he already knows everything about the class both from the news and his step-sister’s Divination power allowing her to know everything about anybody she focuses on. Damien’s also a very powerful warlock and considered a dangerous person to fight and he proves it…

Personality:

At the very beginning, Damien was initially an introverted and shy young man with a lot of insecurities over his powers and feeling weak in comparison to his peers. And he treated Amy very kindly, feeling shy around her, but was also happier when he was around her and had a great time when they first started going out.

Unfortunately, this quickly changed when he started a relationship with her as he grew possessive, jealous and later on almost emotionally abusive and neglectful towards her as he flirted with other women despite being with her and disregarded all of her words and did what he wanted because he felt like it.

Becoming increasingly famous also made him much more entitled and pompous, but Damien showed that he also lacked empathy as he had no problem hurting Amy’s feelings and failed to see why she was so hurt by his actions or when he deliberately lost her favorite toy as he merely told her that she’s too old for toys anyway. Damien seems to enjoy fame and riches more than anything, as he has no real desire to be a hero or help anybody as he merely claims that he wants to help people, but is simply interested in only helping himself.

To other people, he seems like a nice and collected young man, but soon it quickly becomes clear that he only acts polite to others when in reality he’s very judgmental, petty and arrogant. Having no qualms insulting others and mocking them, as he insulted Shinsou many times and mocked Izuku’s process as a student at UA, while also insulting others such as Todoroki and Tokoyami.

Damien is a parasite both figuratively and literally as he latches himself onto others so he can take their power and life-force to make himself stronger until there is nothing left for him to take. Almost everything he does isn’t on his own merit, as he made Amy do all the work for him and perform rituals that would benefit him. Not only that, but even his main weapon the ‘Sentio Wand’ is something he crafted using a strand of Amy’s hair so he can use the power flowing in her DNA for himself.

Because his power allows him to take and absorb other’s powers/energy and steal them for himself, he developed a superiority complex as he loves to brag about how powerful he is even though his power relies on him stealing other people’s powers just so he can have any strength at all. He’s also callous and cruel, as he had no problem putting Amy down just to see her down and make himself feel better about himself and seemed to enjoy doing this since it felt good for him, which also shows that he’s a hedonist who does things that he enjoys simply because it feels good, whether it’s moral or not.

Due to his superiority complex, he’s also a chronic harasser and an entitled ass who believes that he deserves anybody he wants and deserves to get whatever he wants from people, as he not only forced Amy into trying to give him oral sex, but also forces her to kiss him by using Concilium on her and allowing him to forcefully kiss her. He also does this to Shinsou, Izuku and a majority of Class 2-A by forcefully kissing them without their consent so he can absorb their life force and put into himself. 

Damien also has something of a misogynistic streak, or at least it’s only towards women he particularly dislikes as he makes misogynistic remarks towards Amy and her female friends, especially Ashlen and Madison as he noted that he needed to get Amy alone and away from them because he knows that ‘bitch friends always stick together’. He also made some pretty sexist remarks towards the other UA girls by calling them weak since neither of them have stood out in comparison to Amy, yet also says that Amy’s too much of a ‘bitch’ to get good attention, like Cordelia and the other Robichaux witches.

Ironically, he thinks highly of his younger stepsister because of her expertise in magic, intelligence and devotion towards him, but this may be because she’s the only human being that Damien has any love for and his only real redeeming quality. But Damien proves to be a bad influence on her as while he loves her very much, his worst qualities rubbed off on her she ultimately has no empathy for other people other than him. Damien is partially aware of this, but it’s why he’s protective of her, to the point of begging Papa Legba to keep her alive, although he got terrified when Papa turned over to murder him instead and it urged him to immediately offer to kill Amy instead of having either him or his step-sister die. Which shows that Amy didn’t mean that much to him because he had no problem trading her life for his own.

His lack of empathy extends to everyone else, as he looks down on everyone and humanity in general, insulting and belittling all of Amy’s peers. Damien is something of a sadist, as he enjoys going for a person’s weakest and sorest spots to provoke them into a reaction, as he lures Amy in and abuses her catatonic state when he reminds her of the hardships and personal feelings of abandonment she experienced from both Fiona and Hero Society, which allows him to drain her of her magic and kill her by drowning her in the bathtub.

His sadism extends to Amy’s other friends, as he makes fun of them when he’s fighting with all of them and mocks their grief over Amy as they discovered that he killed her. As he insults Todoroki by bringing up his traumatic childhood and friendship with Amy and also mocks Bakugo for his relationship with Amy, and pretends to sympathize with Izuku about his own past complications with the former. Damien also takes joy in making the others weaker than him and exerting his power over them by taking their power away for himself and appears to enjoy putting himself above others and crushing them afterwards simply because it makes him feel better about himself.

But despite his arrogance, Damien is a coward at heart as he pathetically pleaded for his life when Papa Legba was going to kill him and was willing to murder Amy if it meant that he could stay alive a little while longer. However, he also threw away lives of other warlocks who were his friends and who were helping him in his quest to find Amy, sacrificing them and letting them die or get thrown into jail by pro-heroes if it meant he could keep breathing air a little while longer. And finally, when he was killed, he tried to appeal to Amy as he begged and cried for her to call off the burning until the very end.  

He’s also a foil for pretty much all of Amy’s closest friends Shinsou, Ashlen, Madison, Bakugo, Izuku, Todoroki and Kaminari.

While Shinsou’s been Amy’s best friend since childhood, she only met Damien about 3 years ago. They both felt like misfits and underestimated by their peers due to their supposedly ‘evil’ powers but Shinsou wants to use his powers for good while Damien has no qualms with using his powers for his own selfish desires. Likewise, Shinsou’s friendship with Amy is genuine as they bonded over their powers and feeling like misfits while Damien feigned bonding with Amy just to get her to do his bidding.

Ashlen and Amy became very fast friends as Damien did, but Amy had no idea about Ashlen’s origins nor did she know about her witch heritage and developed a genuine friendship made up of love between each other but Damien was well aware of Amy’s connection to the Supreme and used her for his own benefit as he faked a bond and had no real love for Amy. They’ve also both turned off her powers, but Ashlen did it as a means to keep Amy from going overboard, and from hurting others and herself, while Damien did this to keep her under him and to feel like the dominant one of their relationship.

Madison’s a bad influence on Amy as was Damien, but for all the way she bullies and pressures Amy, she genuinely loves her and wants her to be happy and make her feel good while Damien is more interested in his own feelings and is more content with putting Amy down if it means he’s happy.

Izuku was Amy’s first love, although she convinced herself that it was Damien, and that he reminded her of Izuku when they first met, however, they’re both extremely different. Damien and Izuku were both bullied by their peers for being different from others with Izuku being quirkless and Damien being one of the ‘weaker’ warlocks, but the difference is Izuku always had the desire to help other people and kept his kind nature even after gaining his powers while Damien ultimately just wanted to help himself and his growing powers gave him a sense of entitlement. And then there’s their relationships with Amy, while they’ve each gone downhill before, Izuku always treated Amy with genuine respect and valued her as a good friend that he can learn from and truly made the effort to apologize to her when he hurt her, while Damien’s fondness for Amy was real in the beginning he started to instead see her as someone he can benefit from and he never felt apologetic for hurting her, and saw no fault in his actions towards her.

Bakugo and Damien have both been in a relationship with her, and unlike Bakugo, he initially treated her kindly and politely while Bakugo and Amy started off as enemies. However, their relationships are starkly different as Amy and Bakugo have a close, somewhat belligerent but passionate relationship and he does respect Amy and genuinely cares about her happiness. But Damien instead faked a good guy persona and used his charm to woo Amy and has no real respect for her nor does he care about her happiness. 

Damien and Todoroki bonded with Amy over sharing similar sad pasts, but Todoroki grew to appreciate and love Amy as he could truly understand her trauma and even began looking out for her when her past started to haunt her. And while Damien felt connected to her in the beginning, his selfishness showed as he started to only use Amy for his own comfort and couldn’t truly empathize with her and made no effort to do so. 

Kaminari and Damien have dated Amy, but Kaminari and Amy only went on one day and remained very good friends who absolutely love each other’s company and have a lot of genuine fun with each other and make each other smile and laugh, while Damien continued to date Amy but started to mainly do what he wanted to the point where Amy had to pretend she wasn’t miserable with him. 

Abilities/Super Moves:

Damien is a very powerful warlock, although physically he’s not very strong at all as he is very lanky and scrawny like most warlocks, with very little muscle and a very thin and skinny frame. But he becomes much physically stronger when he drains someone of enough energy and power to fuel himself. He also passed the Warlock examination by being able to perform Scrying, Transmutation and Stricidium. But Damien also showed to be quite proficient in at least four of the seven wonders such as Telekinesis, Concilium, Pyrokinesis and Vitalum Vitalis.

In fact, much like Amy, Damien has a very unique power that is a stronger form of one of the seven wonders due to having a parent who had a quirk that mutated into a unique, more powerful version of this wonder. He calls this power ‘Drain’ as it’s a much stronger version of Vitalum Vitalis, as Damien can balance the scales between life and death, but Drain allows him to also absorb his victim’s life-force, power, energy and vitality to make himself stronger and render them unable to use their power as Drain completely weakens them both physically and mentally. Drain is a very powerful and effective ability as anyone who falls victim to it is left powerless and unable to fight back to the point where some pass out from the drain in energy, or even die if Damien drains them of all of their life-force. And he can do so with numerous people as he drains one person, and uses his newfound strength to move onto the next on in a feeding frenzy he calls ‘Super Drain’.

But Damien appears to be only able to use this power through oral means by kissing his victims so he can drain and suck out their energy so he can take it in for himself. However, upon fighting Tokoyami, Damien realizes that he can’t kiss him to drain him, but instead uses his fangs that are also available for him to use to bite into someone to steal their life force as he bites Tokoyami on the neck instead to drain him of his energy, akin to a vampire. This move he would call ‘Vampire’s Kiss’ since he likens it to giving a hickey while draining his energy, much to Tokoyami’s great disgust. 

Although according to Damien, Drain can also allow him to completely drain out the power of a victim if he drains them entirely of their life-force and takes it in for himself, which explains why he has gotten even stronger over time because he’s taken the life-force and power of other warlocks and witches. 

Drain is also strong enough to take even some of the most dangerous powers from others that Damien attacks. In the form of a super move he calls ‘Leech’s Kiss’ as Damien realized that Izuku had some great powers upon kissing him and nearly killed him and stole his power by draining him of his entire life force because he had no idea it was the power of One For All that he was trying to absorb until he was stopped by Ashlen.

When Damien is draining someone of their life-force, his victims turn pale and sickly, but some also turn skeletal and hollow if he’s trying to absorb all of their life-force and energy, complete with hair turning dull, and their muscles going weak and almost atrophied.

While taking this life force makes Damien look healthier, younger and increasingly attractive, but this power comes at a cost to his own health as using Drain way too much has taken a toll on Damien’s body. He is mostly healthy and attractive on the outside but when he uses the power too much, his appearance drastically changes as he reveals himself as a pale, emaciated and sickly young man who looks constantly exhausted and has to rely on other’s life force just so he can replenish himself and regain his strength back.

Despite these flaws, Damien is still a very powerful and dangerous opponent in battle as he took down almost all of the 2-A students by himself using his magic and Drain alone, and absorbed their power and energy to make himself stronger and harder to beat. In fact he was even able to take down and drain the energy of strongholds such as Todoroki, Bakugo and Tokoyami once he caught them in his traps, and would have successfully killed Midoriya by sucking all of his life-force had Ashlen not saved him.

So while he’s a leech and a horrible person, he’s really not someone you want to fight in battle because he KNOWS how to lure people in, trick them and go for the kill since he’s an expert with Concilium, Telekinesis and Vitalum Vitalis.

It’s implied though that while he was burnt to the stake, that he’s not exactly dead-dead and could possibly make a return.  

[infinitelytheheartexpands]

Les Huguenots obv, Don Carlo, Trovatore, Eugene Onegin, Simon Boccanegra, Cav/Pag?

Alright, here we go: 

Les Huguenots: 

Setting-wise, I’m thinking either full-on period drama or modern present-day. (I mean, have you seen social media? People nowadays are often straight-up vicious.) 

Also, little to no cuts, and I would play it straight (as in “no overarching external concept” straight, not “heterosexual” straight because there are definitely some characters who are not straight in the slightest) but I think there’s more than enough in the libretto to keep any director busy. 

Lots of action, lots of spectacle, but at the same time going for an intimate focus on the principals, their relationships with each other, and where they stand in terms of society. No wonder this one’s so hard to pull off.

 Another thing that’s hard is pulling off the “this massacre is pretty much inevitable” thing in the early acts, because there are little signs everywhere hidden within the ostensibly happy stuff that serious trouble is brewing. It’s necessary, though. 

Finally, for Pete’s sake, Nevers will die onstage. 

(Addendum that’s not super-related: apparently there was a production somewhere in Germany a few years back where Nevers was an artist and everyone else were either characters in his paintings or people commissioning his work. IIRC [I only read reviews, I couldn’t find any video] instead of dying, Nevers was just kinda there the whole last act and towards the end he started dumping red paint everywhere and the result was a painting of the Saint Bartholomew’s Day Massacre.) 

Okay, after I wrote all that, I found out that apparently people are doing their modern-day cast picks, so mine are: John Osborn or Yosep Kang as Raoul, Rachel Willis-Sørensen as Valentine, Lisette Oropesa or Erin Morley as Marguerite, Nicolas Testé or Michele Pertusi as Marcel, Artur Rucinski as Nevers, Ying Fang or Karine Deshayes as Urbain, and Christian van Horn as Saint-Bris. 

Don Carlo: 

First things first: I couldn’t care less about whether it’s in French or Italian (both work fine IMO), but including the whole Fontainebleau act and the Lacrimosa is a must. (I’d also include the Eboli/Elisabetta mask switchoff scene.) 

I would absolutely go period drama with it, but for sets and costumes, I’d take a little simpler and less elaborate/more abstract approach. Also definitely dark and moody (except for the first part of the courtyard at San Yuste scene). 

EXTREMELY GAY IN ALL THE WAYS. That is all. 

The more people in the chorus, the better, not just because grand opéra, but also because then it feels more overwhelming. The production should be overwhelming in just about every way, like getting-hit-by-a-wind-tunnel overwhelming. 

The ending: just leave the ending alone. As much as I understand wanting it to be a more closed-off ending, I actually really like how cliffhanger-y the ending is. (I’d be willing to play the Fontainebleau act as a flashback Carlo’s having before Act II.) 

Cast: Fabiano or Kaufmann, Harteros or Yoncheva, Furlanetto or Abdrazakov, Tezier or Keenlyside, Garanca or A-Rach, and Halfvarson because he’s the classic Grand Inquisitor. 

Il trovatore: 

Ooh, I really liked the McVicar idea of setting it during the Peninsular War, although I’d also love to hightail the plot to Italy and set it during the Risorgimento. 

Manrico is the least interesting lead in the entire thing IMO, but I would find a way to make him interesting, not just the “oh he’s the tenor and the title role so we have to focus on him” deal. 

I’d put a lot more focus onto both di Luna and Azucena, especially Azucena (there’s a reason why Verdi wanted her to be the title character). Maybe the production should progressively get more bizarre as it’s clear she’s more and more traumatized/insane by everything that’s happened. 

I’d have Manrico die onstage, too. 

Cast: not completely sure, maybe Lee, Radvanovsky, A-Rach, and Tezier or Rucinski (considering my first choice is no longer here...) 

Simon Boccanegra: 

Setting: Either keep it in very over-the-top period or (for a slightly more original idea) start the opera at the end of the Risorgimento movement and end it 25 years later. 

Go big or go home on the sets and costumes with this one. 

I’d like to stage the Prologue as Simon’s flashback, but otherwise play it completely straight. Also, cranking up the energy on the Simon/Amelia dynamic is a must. 

(A very interesting not-playing-it-straight concept I’ve toyed with that could potentially go with the end-of-the-Risorgimento setting: make Simon Boccanegra a parallel to Verdi. That would also be incredibly sad, given that Verdi’s two kids died very young.) 

Cast: Tezier (really my go-to current Verdi baritone), Rebeka or Yoncheva, Fabiano, Belosselskiy 

Eugene Onegin: 

Setting can be summed up as “Pushkin or Chekhov, take your pick.”  

I’m envisioning a set that’s half “looks like a charcoal drawing or muted oil painting” and half minimalist, and really beautiful period costumes. Also, snow everywhere in Acts II and III (the current Met production setting the final scene in a snowstorm? Genius. However, I’d probably have the snow raging outside and the two leads raging inside. Related: huge windows for the final scene to see said snowstorm.) 

Eugene Onegin is definitely bi and horribly regrets the duel. 

I would make this production have a huge emphasis on writing: Onegin is the brooding author/hero, Tatyana is a writer of course, Lensky’s a poet... maybe they’re all writing their own part of the story? 

Also, it’s cruel but I think it would make sense for Onegin to commit suicide at the end. 

Cast: Kweicken, Mattei, or Rucinski; Corinne Winters; Michael Fabiano; Alexander Vinogradov 

Cav/Pag: 

I know one’s technically set in Sicily and one in Calabria, but because I tend to like multiple-bills more if there’s a dramatic throughline, I’d set both in the same place and try to connect the two operas’ characters somehow. 

To me, both operas are about the personas people project versus who they really are- and God forbid that women don’t fit the perfect public persona and are instead genuine. As a result, I’d try to add a little theater to Cav and for the reverse effect (since Pag does take place on the Feast of the  Assumption), a little bit of Catholic ritual (and guilt) to Pag. 

I don’t think the aesthetic for the two operas should be so different: we’re talking the course of one day for both operas, except Pag both starts and ends later in the day (IIRC Cav starts at sunrise). 

Cast: not really sure tbh, although I heard the Dutch National Opera apparently had a really nice cast for it recently (A-Rach and Ailyn Perez!) 

To end: this is probably a good time to share my hot take that I like Cav more than Pag.

[wellanthropologicallyspeaking]

trigger warning // abusive parents, emotional abuse

i might be one of only a few people who have been thru the experience of loving and trusting a parent(s) their whole lives, and in a matter of months have that trust utterly broken and the love that you felt for them lost.

context is, long story summarized, my mom put me thru a very tramuatic experience last year (on christmas no less) when she basically said she “disowned me as her child”. i cried and cried and the whole thing was horrible, she just shouted so much while my dad begged her to stop and calm down, and he tried to calm me down too and brought me food afterwards.

the context for this was basically, the christmas tree that i was decorating for hours the night before had fallen when i was downstairs looking for an extension cord, and its falling broke one of the ornaments from my childhood that i had painted myself while in kindergarten/first grade. it was so heckin pretty and i was so proud of it and hoenstly when i saw i broke, along with a few other beloved ornaments, i broke down.

december last year was filled with all kinds of shit that led me deeper and deeper ino my depression, and this was the straw that broke the camel’s back. while we cleaned up the tree with me sobbing intensely, my mom was all “i told you this would happen !!! you should have done what i said !!!” THAT’S what you say to your CRYING CHILD (i’m 20 but still im her child and you would expect a person to be more compassionate towards THEIR KID)??? instead of seeing that they’re obviously upset. this made me fucking pissed and i just stormed to my room, and declared that im not celebrating christmas this year. my mom forced me and coereced me to have christmas dinner, but i slipped away with a turkey leg and bread into my room, while she was fucking pissed in the other room.

the next day, we had the horrible aforemention argument, where we went over the christmas canceling thing and me not wanting to celebrate, but my mom also went on the thing that i didn’t want to take her vitamins anymore, and she was fucking pissed at me for that.

now, that makes no sense, but i have pretty bad acne, and my mom has *taken it upon herself* to treat my acne herself, even though i kept telling i didn’t want or ask for her help, but she’d just insult me and force/blackmail me to take them. this went on for over a year, and it sounds horrible on its own, but it actually didn’t change my opinion of her until last december.

her argument was “because you’re not taking the vitamins i gave you, it means 1) you want to ruin your skin permanenly (and she goes on about ONE lady she knows who has bad acne scars who i’ve never even met) 2) you want to HURT ME EMOTIONALLY because i worry about you and you having horrible skin makes me feel bad (this sounds kinda emphathetic from her side of things but trust me, the way she meant it felt more like im some kind of experiement to her who she needs to fix and when she can’t “fix” me, she feels bad instead of ever considering MY FEELINGS)”

anyways that whole load of bullshit resulted in me arguing with her, and eventually led to her threatening to disown me while i sat sobbing so fucking uncontrollably, which i think was the only time since maybe i was a baby that i had ever cried so much and so hard. she eventually said, in not so many words, fuck you and im disowning you, while i was left shattered in a pool of my own tears.

it took me WEEKS to recover from the emotional turmoil that experience brought me, and i could never look her in the eye again.

about a month later, my dad would end up driving me to college instead of my mom (bc im a 20 year old american who still doesn’t know how to drive whoops) and over the months of the semester, he’d share things about how bad this lawsuit is that my mom’s waging against our neighbor (wholeeee other kettle of fish that i won’t get into here) and how it was stressing him out and using up precious time, money, and energy that he had. he also mentioned the whole lawsuit cost 40K to manage up to that point, bc my parents had been doing it for about 5 years and that’s the total sum it cost over those 5 years. i was fucking shocked bc, i remeber years back even BEFORE the lawsuit when i saw my mom google “free colleges” for me to attend when i’d graduate, bc she said college “was too expensive”. i mean yea that’s true but there’s a good college here that i want to go to that’s 6K a year?? like if you add it up, my time at college would cost LESS than the 40K wasted on this lawsuit AND we’d deffo have money left over for house repairs, of which our house needs a million. but nah, my mom’s priorities is that we need to waste 40K on a lawsuit for a plot of land on our drive way the size of a desk. size of a DESK. im not fucking kidding here, i wish i was bc its so ridiculous.

then later i learned that my mother (who i already knew had disowned her first daughter, what a shocker) had as a sort of “punishment” to her first daughter, aka my half sister, to take her piece of their apartment back that is in Russia. my dad said we could compromise on the money and get about 50K to pay for the downpayment for our house here, but my mom was s u r e she could “win” her case and get 300K for her share, which my dad said was near impossible and could put my half sister and her family in danger, bc apparently money handling in russia is risky business and people get killed for that sorta money.

my mother didn’t give a shit. about the actual reality of the situaion or the pain/danger she was putting my sister and her family thru. she could shit a turd and give more of a shit about that than her own daughter.

anyways all this and more that i learned, as well as the trauma she put me thru in december, made me open my eyes to the monster i had truly been living with. i finally learned how horrible, twisted, selfish, and cold blooded she was, and knew she could never have held any love for me. the mother i had known my whole life was a lie, and that lie shattered before my eyes.

this went on far too long (probably bc it shows i need therapy ahahaha i still haven’t dealt with this have i) but the message i want to share here is, if you’ve been in a situation where your parents have turned out to not be the person you thought they were, and the love you felt for them and the trust you had in them had shattered overnight, i want to say i know how you feel.

when that happens, everything that was normal with your parent(s) becomes abnomal. you go to share with them something you’re excited about, but you realize you can’t. you think about that yearly event you both go to but realize you can never go together again. it might not even be because they won’t allow it (my mom has “forgiven” me and thinks we’re alright again, as if december was “nothing”) but because you know in your heart that the person you did those things with is gone. they were really never there to begin with, because the whole thing was an act and the traumatic expriences you went thru made you see their true colors. and you see that their true colors are ugly as fuck.

those pauses when you realize that you can’t ever be the same around your parent as you once was, those times when you’re forever locked up to them because you won’t allow them in, when you feel guilty that you haven’t forgiven them and that its somehow your duty as their child to forgive them, i’m not here to say that you should open up, but that you should not open up to them. don’t ever feel like you are obligated to open up to them or “forgive” them. they hurt you and they broke your trust and made you experience horrible trauma that’s hard to come back from. just because they’re your family doesn’t mean you must forgive them.

there’s this societal norm that we’re surrounded by that in order to overcome and deal with trauma, you have to forgive the people who hurt you. in my opinion, i think that couldn’t be farther from the truth. if you are a person who finds it easist to deal with their pain by forgiving those who hurt you, i’m not bashing you; more power to you for being able to forgive, especially when i can’t do the same. however, forgiveness is touted as this “cure all” that people should use to forgive everyone who’s ever hurt you. that cannot be true because what works for one person does not necessarily work for the next. one person may be able to deal with their trauma with forgiveness, and another person cannot do the same. i believe that you shouldn’t have to forgive those who hurt you, especially when you don’t feel strong enough to or feel any love/trust in them after they’ve hurt you. i can accept that what happened, happened, and that what my mother did to me happened, and that it affected me terribly and left me with emotional scars that will be hard to heal from, but i cannot call her my mom anymore or forgive her for what she did to me.

i do feel tinges of guilt sometimes because, i think, of this societal norm that you should forgive everyone, and i feel that coming from my place as a daughter, that i have some obligation to forgive my mother based on what society tells you. you may feel the same too, that you feel guilty for not forgiving your family and that if you were a better person you would forgive them. im here to say that that’s bullshit. you may feel guilty for not forgiving your family but that’s not some sign that you actually should forgive them or that you deeply down want to forgive them, it just means that you feel guilt because of what society has drilled into you. its okay to feel guilty about not forgiving your family and still not forgive them at the same time !! i feel like this sometimes, but i still know that the trauma my mother put me thru and the lies i uncovered about her make me realize that i can never forgive her. if you’re not emotionally strong enough to forgive someone, if you don’t feel the same love or trust in someone as you once did and so are unable to forgive them, i just want to say, its okay not to forgive them !! this isn’t some kind of contest that you have to win, you don’t have to feel like you’re a weak or bad person for not forgiving someone, bc our ways for coping with trauma are all different !!

in my opinion, i think trying to forgive or keep people in your life who are obviously terrible is not healthy in the long run. my mom is still doing the shitty things that are similar to what i described earlier, and i now know that she’s still just the same horrible, selfish, cold blooded person she always was; she was just under a mask. me forgiving her or tolerating her now won’t magically turn her into a good mom !! she’ll always be shitty and its healthier for me to just cut her out of my life as much as i can (while im still living at home with both that parents, and me being unable to drive, that is proving very difficult). it’s just better to cut out toxic people from your life and surround yourself with healthy people who will help you grow and thrive. it’s kinda like what marie kondo says,

(yea im an organizing nut but her book has really helped me organize the house, and i think organizing is kinda my coping mechanism, i spent so much time after december doing a full rehaul of the house that i had never done before, because i think i wanted to regain control of my life in some part as a way to cope for all the shit i went thru)

you should only keep things (or people) that “spark joy”. anything or anyone that doesn’t “spark joy” for you, you’re allowed to remove from your life : )

[spidersmiceandeverythingnice]

Gonna write my scatterbrained Spicy Hot Takes on Agartha before the news is stale and I delete this annoying and boring chapter from my mental landscape, so bear with me:

I think Agartha’s main issue was just straight up poor writing. The Japanese direct translations being as downright offensive as they were is one thing - but overall, the chapter is just one plot contrivance after another. It tries so, so hard to go for a certain tone but can’t seem to stick to any one thing or idea. Disregarding themes about sexuality probably would have been the very best way to go about this chapter, since I think the most interesting part was the theme about storytelling and in-authenticity - we all know that That Line was annoying af in a game like FGO, but it CAN work in a series like Fate as a whole. I had a helluva long day at work so allow me to explain in the least scatter-brained way I can manage right now:

Here’s what I’m thinking: Scheherazade, whose name I guarantee I will spell wrong/differently every time I write it even though I’ve been able to pronounce it properly since I was thirteen (I was in a speaking competition and told some of the Thousand and One Nights using her framework as the opening monologue, long story short ANYWAY -) is traumatized by her ordeal with the king. This is a really good and interesting thing to explore! Fitting it in with the theme of storytelling - Scheherazade is deeply afraid of dying and will do whatever it takes to live, so she makes a fantasy world and fills it with legends, and feeds their energy to a Holy Grail. With this, and the power of a Demon God at her side, she plans to reveal magic to the human world in the most destructive fashion possible, allowing the fantastic to become ordinary, and destroying the Throne of Heroes itself in the process. Fate is a series were stories have power - but Scheherazade survived basically by telling the most fantastical, interesting tales she could and never finishing them. She always would pause in the middle, and say, “That’s all for tonight.” I think this is the kind of thing we can run with in terms of setting.

Dahut is the weirdest example because it’s the one story in the chapter that I know next to nothing about. At one point it’s mentioned that Dahut is impossible to summon as a Servant, and so Drake was “forced” into the role of the Pirate Princess. Ys is probably the weakest part of the chapter for that, but I did like the idea of her being “Drake Alter,” where Drake vibrantly pursues her goals and desires but takes nothing for granted; Dahut gives into her every whim and takes absolutely everything for granted. The conflict between “Drake” and “Dahut” should have been emphasized more instead of having the player/Da Vinci dismiss her as “Oh, it’s not Drake, except when she conveniently comes back to delivery us the MacGuffins Ex Machina in the eleventh hour.” Dahut has little connection to Drake - it’s not her story, but a role she was forced into because Scheherazade was building a very specific kind of world. Therefore it is inauthentic. Perhaps that’s all it needs to be in this context. 

This can also work with the Amazons. Scheherazade never told stories of the Amazons, but she has access to basically all stories in the world through her Noble Phantasm - she learns that they are a society of warrior women who live without men, and so decides that they will be a society which oppresses men due to her fear/bitterness towards men after the ordeal she suffered through. The “oppressing men” plotline was honestly dumb all around but using the Amazons as a mechanism to explore Scheherazade's trauma would’ve been more interesting than just having them be the Big Bad before the Big Bad Columbus Reveal: Scheherazade doesn’t like fighting, but wishes that she had been strong enough to protect herself. Because she views herself as a coward and her ordeal with the king has complicated her view of sexuality - “I’m better suited to a bedchamber than a battlefield” - she uses the Amazons of Agartha as a mechanism to cope. 

This brings us to Wu, whose design I’m still not happy about even though I think the in-story justification is somewhat fair. (Let Helena and Wu be gray-haired grannies together or so help me!) Wu was absolutely an authoritarian ruler who did, in fact, invade and conquer several nations and institute a terrifying network of secret police. In her later life, she was given to decadence - but her tenure on the throne showed her to be a highly competent administrator. Notably, she ruled over an era of religious tension and balanced matters quite well, and though she was accused of undoing meritocracy to put her supporters into power, many of the men she appointed held positions in government long after she’d died because they were actually good at their jobs. Wu has been heavily mythologized over the years - later Tang emperors and Neo-Confucian scholars wrote her off (Wu founded her own dynasty under her own name, so they kind of had to legitimize it somehow), she became associated the nine-tailed fox spirit thanks to a few popular novels and poems, etc., etc., etc. The crazy thing is that Wu actually left very few records of herself behind, apart from some poems. Even the inscription on her tomb is blank! People can say whatever they want about her - it’s extremely difficult to know the full truth of the matter without any objective observers in the field (and without Wu’s own words to give context/another story), especially if you don’t read any Chinese. 

BTW - the first thing I learned history class is that when you’re dealing with primary sources, you must always remember that translators have agendas. Every word is a deliberate choice, and it changes the meaning from the original text. When dealing with historical documents, this is not always a good thing. 

Scheherazade reads some, but not all of these stories, and integrates Wu into her world as the sadist empress with an iron grip on her decadent mythical city. 

Do you see what I’m getting at here? It’s a lot, but I’m not done. Now we have to deal with Columbus - there’s “In Defense of Columbus” video is floating around in the Agartha tag, but I haven’t watched it in full and haven’t done like, any intensive research on Columbus in particular, so I’m going to apologize right now for any historical inaccuracies/misconceptions that I’m about to write. The point I want to make here mainly is that Columbus, like Wu, has been heavily, heavily mythologized for both good and evil at various points. The thing about Columbus that is also interesting is that the authenticity of his journals is or was apparently a subject of debate. The man who published most of them actually happened to be Bartolomew de las Casas - one of the founders/first vocal supporters of the Trans-Atlantic Slave Trade. The reason de la Casas supported this is because he believed that using African labor would be an improvement over enslaving the native populations of the New World. Soon after, he had a change of heart and devoted the rest of his life to fighting against slavery in all forms. De la Casas went on to be named a saint, and was possibly the first person in history to propose the idea of universal human rights - which is how I had heard of him until literally just this afternoon; I had no idea he’d ever supported the slave trade until I was looking up basic info about Columbus’s writings so I could write this long-ass post. History is full of complicated people. 

But as I mentioned in Wu’s bit, it’s very important to note that in many ways, Columbus is literally just whatever people decide he is. Like, he never even set foot in any land that would become the United States, and yet he’s a huge symbol here! Along these lines, his amnesia would fit the theme of inauthentic storytelling, choosing what to read and what to believe in. Columbus regaining his memories was an understated moment, which is actually fucking fantastic because it could be used to really emphasize the choice that is being made here. He’s a Heroic Spirit who can choose to be whatever he wants. He can choose to be the simple hero-explorer that schoolchildren sing about, or he can choose to be the Big Bad, the first and perhaps most infamous conquistador. And he chooses to be the bad guy. That is so fuckin’ fantastic, y’all! I honest to God love that not only did FGO portray Columbus as a villain of history but that the bad reputation is something he chooses to maintain! I can write a list of Servants who were less than stellar people and got a makeover for Fate. Nero is probably one of the worst examples but like - Ozymandias absolutely owned slaves in his life as a pharaoh. Hercules and Medea murdered their own children. Asterios literally ate humans as the Minotaur. Gilles de Rais exists as a playable character. Jack the Ripper is your daughter. Hell, Nobunaga burned temples with the monks still inside - but she feels bad about it now! Enough digressing but I a hundred percent get why Japanese fans found Columbus “refreshing” at his introduction. He owns his cruelty, his desire to exploit others - he challenges the narrative that everyone is redeemable because he doesn’t even want to be redeemed, he just wants to get rich and famous, and he doesn’t give a shit who he steps over in the process! Like, Columbus said, “I’m just doing what comes naturally,” at one point when he still had amnesia, so when he got his memory back and turned on the player, I really would’ve liked for him to say is something like, “You’ve already decided that I’m the bad guy, right? You know my story, and I’m nothing if not a man of my word.”

These kinds of questions/debates could have been used to emphasize the themes of Agartha. Legends are what people decide they are. People make choices and history decides whether they were good or evil or important retroactively. Can you know what someone is like by reading a translation of their poetry? Can you judge a king’s reign by the words of their successors or their rivals? Does the context of a story matter? This all could have been super interesting to explore!

Like I said, the main theme of Agartha being “inauthentic storytelling” could have been hella, hella good considering that this is a world created by Scheherazade’s fears and trauma feeding into her escapist desires. But Minase’s incompetence as a writer made everything so hamfisted and awkward that everything just suffered under his desire to insert his fetishes at every moment. It was so obvious that he didn’t read any material for old Fate characters - like Astolfo you poor sweet thing, you deserved so much better! - and even the new characters that he clearly did research on, like Columbus, fell flat because he couldn’t figure out what he was trying to say beyond mildly-to-extra offensive sex jokes.

[hereticalheraldry]

Disney Princesses’ trauma types

IE, definitely the darkest take on Disney I have ever done!

(see this post on trauma types)

Lots of Disney characters have had Adverse Childhood Experiences (death of mothers, to start with!) and exhibit signs of traumatic stress. Below are my guesses as to their chosen coping mechanism.

What 4F trauma type is each Disney character below (Fight, Flight, Freeze, Fawn)

Snow White (dead mother, dead father, abusive and neglectful stepmother, stepmother literally tried to have her killed): It’s been a long time since I’ve seen this, but I’d say it’s Fawn-Flight. She is unerringly sweet. Her immediate reaction when in any form of danger (with a strange man, the huntsman, or the dwarves) is to try to appease, appeal, and make friends. She also has a ton of energy (flight), which she channels into obsessive cleaning, though she doesn’t seem to edge far enough into that to call it OCD. She also literally ran away in a segment that makes obvious how her fear drives her to flight.

Cinderella (dead father, abusive and neglectful stepfamily treats her as a slave): another Fawn-Flight. Unfailingly kind and sweet. So desperate for friends that she befriends the MICE. Also an incredibly hard worker (though tbf, her stepfamily forces that on her). When traumatized by stepsisters yanking to pieces her clothing (both a destruction of her hard work and a physical assault) she literally runs away into the garden to cry. She also runs away from the ball at midnight rather than turning back right there and explaining to the prince that she only got to go to the ball through magic because her family is abusive and probably stole her inheritance. Cinderella gets the wish that many with CPTSD have: that somebody would swoop in and rescue them! She gets rescued twice: by her fairy godmother AND by the prince.

Peter Pan (abandoned in Kensington Gardens and brought up by fairies, who are not the most emotionally stable beings out there): Flight. Classic ADHD: response: runs all over the island fighting, flying, and crowing. (Also literally flies.)

Ariel (dead mother, controlling and abusive father): Freeze-Flight. Instead of trying to please her excessively harsh father, like her hard-working singing sisters, Ariel ditches not only practices but CONCERTS in order to get away from her father and lose herself in her collecting hobby. She has a secret place where she hides in order to fantasize about having a different life in an entirely different place, away from her family. Her friends attempt to persuade her that life on land is impracticable for her. But when her father destroys her hidey-hole, she is retraumatized and resorts to flight to someone she thinks can fix her problems for her by making her human and sending her to the surface: she therefore literally runs away, and tries to get both Ursula and Eric to save her and get her away from her father.

Prince Eric: Surprisingly non-traumatized! I mean, as far as I remember.

Belle: non-traumatized? (at least to start with. I mean, we can always suggest Stockholm Syndrome later...) DOES seem to think she’s entirely different from everyone else around her (a common CPTSD symptom). Maybe traumatized by mother’s death? Bullying from the neighbors? Becoming a parentified child to take care of her absent-minded (though affectionate) father? Unaccustomed poverty? In any case, except for the trauma of her father’s near death and her own imprisonment, she is unusually competent and calm. If she edges toward anything, it’s probably Freeze-Flight: she has a pronounced capacity to become absorbed in fiction and ignore everything around her. When irritated by Gaston’s insulting and bullying proposal, she physically retreats entirely from the village in order to sing about how she wants to leave her poor provincial town for the great wide somewhere. She is fixated on escape, either mentally or physically.

Beast (dead parents, raised by servants who deferred to him rather than parenting him): Fight-Freeze. Hides in his castle; when encounters people is an ASSHOLE. Interestingly, Fight-Freeze types are notoriously hard to treat. Belle might have a future in psychotherapy if she can build better boundaries.

Aladdin (dead parents, has to eat to live, has to steal to eat, ostracized by his community, frequently threatened with death or maiming for theft): feels entirely different from the rest of the world. Flight. frequently in a state of frenetic energy, though a lot of that is because he’s stealing food and escaping the cops. His idea of a great date is to get Jasmine away from the palace: to escape and help her to do the same. intense feelings of shame and inferiority (despite his insistence that there’s so much more to him). He tries to hide from Jasmine the truth of his low-rank identity, though he does eventually recognize the need to tell her the truth.

Jasmine: surprisingly untraumatized (mostly just a healthy assertive), considering what she’s been through (dead mother, parentified child of a nice but absent-minded father who, judging from his looks, is closely related to Maurice; isolated from peers and almost everyone but her pet. I mean, there MUST be servants in the palace, but all you ever see are the guards...) She recognizes when people are treating her unfairly and says so, which makes her unusual among Disney heroes and heroines!

Simba (father died, was told it was his fault, was forced to leave home, almost died in the wilderness, subsequently raised by a couple of irresponsible weirdos): Flight. Literally runs away from his problems instead of facing them. Keeps himself busy with Timon and Pumbaa in order to occupy his mind.

Pocahontas: Non-traumatized! (Dead mother, but strong emotional connection with father and strong emotional support system in her community. Not to mention a maternal figure in the shape of a talking tree in whom she can confide.) DOES feel different from everyone else in her community, though. (Are you sensing a theme?)

John Smith (father died when Smith was 16, he left home, went to sea, served as a mercenary, engaged in piracy, fought the Ottomans): Flight. Constantly on the move: seeing new places, meeting new people, and killing them. Overachiever. Can’t sit still in England. However, he does have some healthy assertive skills and is able to stand up to people in power.

Quasimodo (holy emotional abuse, Batman!): Freeze. Taught that the outside world is cruel and wicked and that he can only be safe inside the cathedral. Daydreams to the point where he almost believes the gargoyles come alive and talk to him. Manages to overcome his Freeze instincts to save Esmerelda.

Esmerelda: Not traumatized, despite apparent lack of living parents and her position as an oppressed social minority. Probably the result of loving parenting while they were alive and strong community support from the rest of the Roma of Paris. Another heroine with healthy assertive traits!

Phoebus: Not apparently currently suffering from traumatic stress (though may have had periods of it in the past: he’s a crusader, after all). Surprisingly well-adjusted.

Hercules (kidnapped at a very young age and taken away from a one life to be placed in another, ENTIRELY different life. Despite strong emotional support from adoptive parents, has been rejected and bullied by his community. Feels he is entirely different from everybody else [I mean, he kind of is]): Flight. Yes, that’s right, flight, not fight. Hercules may be a “fighter” but he is a SUPER non-aggressive guy. Gentleness embodied. Feels he has to achieve something huge in order to be worthy of love and affection from the world (and especially from his divine father, who has literally told him that he has to earn his way back to Olypus by becoming a True Hero). Tendency toward despair when the people whose love and affection he thought he had (Phil and Megara) abandon and betray him. Eventually earns everybody’s love and affection--which is not the greatest lesson ever. Shouldn’t Disney be teaching us that we deserve love even if we never become heroes?

Megara (super traumatic history): Fawn-Fight. Puts the good of the people she loves WAY before her own, to an unhealthy level (sacrifices her own soul in order to save a man, who then abandons her). Seems sarcastic and rough, but heart of gold underneath. Acts like she’s superior, but actually feels enormous guilt and shame, with low self-esteem. Won’t say she’s in love.

Mulan (inconsistent expectations from her family and community. Sometimes her family supports who she is, defends her, and puts up with her unusual behavior; at other times they join with her community in criticizing her [lightly if frequently]. They apparently did not teach her society’s gender roles but then expects her to abide by them in public): she feels entirely different from everybody else and that she has to prove herself. Doesn’t know who she is inside. CANNOT behave the way she has been taught she should; is clearly triggered by a criticism from her father. Flight. Seems almost hyperactive, can’t keep silent when her society tells her she should. Driven to act and to succeed in order to prove her worth and bring honor to her family. Again, EARNS everybody’s love and respect in the end.

Shang: Possible inferiority issues from his relationship with her father. Not enough data.

Mushu (constant criticism; scapegoated by the ancestors): Flight. Has channeled this coping mechanism into ADHD (and humor). Feels the need to prove he is worthy of his spot (I mean, the ancestors TOLD him he did...)

Tarzan (storm and fire killed everyone around him in his infancy; parents had to resettle entirely alone in an alien land; parents were brutally killed right in front of him; he was nearly killed and eaten twice by a leopard; adopted by nonhuman animals; rejected by father figure and much of his nonhuman community): Realistically, I WOULD say that Tarzan should not be able to learn to SPEAK, since he doesn’t appear to have acquired language until his mid to late twenties. However, the film makes clear that the gorillas have a complex spoken language that can convey complicated thoughts like, “Jane will stay with Tarzan”. Feels entirely different from the rest of his community (he is). Scapegoated and constantly criticized for being different. I genuinely don’t know what his style is. lol

The elephant in tarzan: It’s been too long since I’ve seen this film, somebody do this one lol

Cuzco (dead parents, running an empire in his early twenties, nobody has apparently ever taught him limits, appears to have a very emotionally isolated life): Fawn-Fight. Extremely narcissistic, though his character development reveals that he does have a conscience underneath there somewhere. Charming but highly self-centered. Good with words and fast-talking, so may be Flight or gifted. Behavior improves quickly and immensely when provided with the emotional support (and healthy boundaries) of an ersatz family.

Lilo (loss of both parents; being parented by a highly stressed and very young adult who is struggling with poverty and her own trauma): Flight. Gifted, imaginative, ADHD, constantly into everything, constantly in trouble. Sometimes slides into Fight with defiant behavior.

Nani (loss of parents, pressure of having to parent her little sister and provide income for both of them at a very young age): Fight. Her temper gets the better of her when she’s upset, but she’s really trying.

Marlin (loss of his wife and all his children but one): Freeze. Constantly hiding from the perceived dangers of the world and trying to teach his son to do the same. Very nurturing of his child, despite his difficulty overcoming his own trauma. Considering he is a Freeze type, going on a big journey to save his son demonstrates ENORMOUS bravery.

Dori (???): Flight-Freeze. ADHD, constantly on the move, can’t sit still, just keeps swimming, just keeps swimming, swimming, swimming. I include Freeze because her difficulties with her memories may be a dissociative effect of trauma, and dissociation falls under Freeze.

Tiana (loss of beloved father, poverty, traumatizing lifelong experience of systemic racism, somewhat ameliorated by loving and supportive mother): Flight. The classic driven, achievement-obsessed workaholic. Always seems to only be halfway there. Fate helps her overcome these tendencies by forcing her to fail in her quest to become human again (and therefore to open her restaurant), though she actually does succeed soon after anyway. Actually, DID she overcome these tendencies? Like, she toned it down enough to maintain an apparently lasting romantic relationship, but she might still be a workaholic...

Naveen (highly critical parents): Flight. Constantly traveling care-for-nothing that can’t seem to stick to anything. Deep down has low self-esteem about his lack of achievement and how he can’t seem to please his parents. Demonstrates some symptoms of ADD or ADHD. Tiana and Naveen demonstrate how “Flight” behaviors can results in two very different character types!

Rapunzel (holy shit: kidnapped in infancy and raised by a woman who is demonstrably emotionally abusive and negligent and literally is only keeping her alive for her hair. Imprisoned in a tower almost entirely without company her ENTIRE LIFE. Demonstrates painful mood swings between delight and horrific guilt when she finally escapes for the first time. I seriously wonder how long her mental recovery took after Mother Gothel’s death...): Flight-Fawn. Overachiever, constantly doing EVERYTHING, EXTREMELY QUICKLY (cleans the entire place top-to-bottom between 7:00 and 7:15 AM). Literally runs away. Makes friends immediately with almost everybody she meets, including a gang of hardened, violent criminals. Wants desperately to be loved, but believes very quickly that Eugene doesn’t like her after all and has abandoned her. Note that it is not Rapunzel that kills Mother Gothel but Pascal. Rapunzel is so emotionally traumatized that she probably could never bring herself to “betray” Gothel in any real way.

Eugene Fitzherbert (orphaned; raised in an institutional setting, which is notoriously traumatizing. Poverty, social rejection): Flight. Channels his immense energy into complicated and daring heists. Adrenaline junkie. He thinks he wants to rest on a deserted island with an enormous pile of money, but I can guarantee that he would get antsy after a week (at most) and go back to his life of crime in order to distract himself from his pain.

Merida (was in a life-endangering encounter with a bear as a young child; her father was maimed. Has emotional support from her father, but her mother--primary caregiver, especially of a daughter--is highly critical): Flight. Tons of energy, adrenaline junkie, climbs a frickin WATERFALL, overachiever in her chosen hobbies. Greatly dislikes quiet pursuits like embroidery, possibly because they leave too much time for contemplation, and she needs more distraction.

Elsa (almost killed her beloved younger sister by accident, treated by her parents as dangerous and frightening, almost entirely isolated for most of her life): Freeze (HAHA) and Flight. Has been taught to retreat alone from a world that will reject her. Experiences enormous shame and guilt for herself, her gifts, and how dangerous she can be. Classic perfectionist. Attempts to protect herself and others by shutting down all emotions. When she fails, she literally runs away to live entirely alone forever to escape the storm of the rest of the world, because the cold of isolation “never bothered her anyway” (an obvious lie she has taught herself). “Let It Go” sounds like an anthem of freedom, but Elsa is actually literally running from her problems and from any human connection.

Anna (almost died as a small child, which she doesn’t directly remember, but may still cause her traumatic reactions. her beloved older sister SUDDENLY refused even to SEE her, and her parents wouldn’t talk about it, so she probably felt in some obscure way that there was something wrong with HER,  that it was all her fault. Then isolated almost entirely in the palace, and certainly isolated from other children, followed by the death of her parents and the CONTINUED isolation from her sister and anybody other than servants): flight-fawn. she seems possibly a little ADD, a little hyperactive (rides her bike around the halls), impulsive. VERY friendly and sweet to almost everybody she meets, desperate to make friends. Dreams of being rescued through marriage to a prince that she loves at first sight. Desperate to be loved.

Moana: probably NOT traumatized, for the most part. She DOES feel entirely different from everybody else (”what is wrong with me?”) because her instinctive love of the ocean has been criticized and squelched by her father and her society. However, despite her father’s clear struggle with his own trauma from the survivor’s guilt of his best friend’s drowning, this is one of the healthier families/societies we see in Disney! The silence around the death of Chief Tui’s best friend is meant to be kind, but I think Tui probably needs to talk it out more, and while I understand why they didn’t tell Moana about it as a young child, I feel like she SHOULD have been told before her father’s reactions to her hurt her own self-image: he’s actually just projecting his own guilt onto the daughter who is so much like him. She is less traumatized than she might otherwise be because she has both her mother, and especially her grandmother, to confide in. If Moana has a trauma style, I would say it’s Flight: she’s an overachiever who is constantly rushing from one task, one way to help, to another. In a deleted song, she also talks about walking around the island so much that she knows exactly how many steps it is to the ocean. She always wants to get away. All of this is classic Flight. Chief Tui is Fight. he’s not aggressive, but he IS controlling.

Maui (Most of the trauma in this film comes from Maui. he was abandoned as a baby, and probably almost died. grew up with the knowledge that he was not wanted by his parents. grew up away from human society): Flight-Fawn. Has spent the rest of his life trying to earn acceptance, love, and gratitude from humans. Constantly does crazy and death-defying tasks to try to win them over., but It never brings him true fulfillment. He clearly DESPERATELY wants to be recognized, celebrated, and loved for his achievements and his gifts, which makes him into a brash show-off.

[fire-emblem-heroes-supports]

Henry/FH!M!Robin C-S Support

Written by @notquitedeadringer

C SUPPORT

[A crow lands on Henry’s shoulder.]

Henry: Oh, hi, Marlene! How are the chicks?

Marlene: *caws*

Henry: Hm, that won’t do. Tell you what, I could probably get you some corn from the castle stock if you’d like. 

Marlene: *happy caws*

Henry: Sure! Anything to help the fledgelings!

Grima: What folly.

[Marlene tilts her head, shudders, and flies off.]

Henry: Hey! You scared Marlene!

Grima: That was a crow, you idiot.

Henry: Actually, she’s named Marlene and you’re being very rude.

Grima: Rudeness…pah. Human ettiquette is beneath me.

Henry: Wait…you’re Grima, right?

Grima: Yes. The fell dragon, wings of despair, breath of ruin, and the one who wields the power of destruction. And judging by your ridiculous getup, you must be a Grimleal.

Henry: Actually, nope! This is just a sort of uniform the military made me wear. I get to kill in it, so I wear it.

Grima: So you’re one of the many who pretends to serve me, only for their own selfish reasons. (One of the many who bring my great mark disgrace.)

Henry: So, if you’re really the Fell Dragon–

Grima: I am.

Henry: –how come you’re so teeny? 

Grima: Rrn…

[Henry walks close to Grima and measures with his hand.]

Henry: Hey, I’m taller than you, nya-ha!

Grima:…You have breathed your last.

[He pins Henry up against a tree, holding him by the throat.]

Henry: *breathless* H…Hey…that"s not nice!

Grima: Goodbye, worm.

Henry: You…can’t…

Grima: *tightens fist* And why not?

Henry: The contract. *gasps for air* You have to do what the Summoner wants.

[Grima frowns.]

Grima: As if some feeble contract could bind a god of destruction. You will perish. Now.

[Violet bolts of energy materialize and race towards Henry, only to stop just before hitting him.]

Grima: What the…

[Henry is released. He falls to the ground, coughing.]

Henry: Told you so! You can’t hurt any of our allies on purpose–heck, you can’t even hurt yourself! *laughs*

[Grima stares at his hands.]

Grima: This isn’t over. I will punish you for your presumptuousness. Henry: Nya ha! No, you won’t! I’m going to go and find Marlene.

[Henry leaves.]

Grima: Hmph. What a fool.

[Henry and FH!Robin have reached support rank C.]

B SUPPORT

Henry: Here. This ought to sustain you guys for a bit.

Marlene: *happy caws*

Henry: Nyaha! It’s no trouble. I can’t just leave a friend up in the air!

[Grima approaches.]

Grima: Fraternizing with scavengers again, I see.

[Henry doesn’t look up.]

Henry: Marlene, I’m sorry. I think you should go.

[Marlene grabs corn in her beak and flies away. Henry stands and brushes the dust from his legs.]

Henry: Hiya, Grima!

Grima: Why do you persist in associating with that foul bird? 

Henry: She’s nice. You could learn a bit from her.

Grima: Grr…How dare you insult me by placing me lower than a mere beast!

Henry: Look, wings-of-despair-and-breath-of-ruin, she’s more trustworthy than you. And she’s not dumb. You just don’t understand her because you don’t take the time.

Grima: I have no need to. It recognises and fears me, as it should. You should as well. What pitiful house raised you that you give a god no respect?

Henry: None.

Grima: …What?

Henry: Nobody. My parents didn’t care about little old me. Heck, none of the people in my village did! Instead, I had a wolf for a mom. She was a lot better, anyways. Nobody cared about me like she did. We were outcasts together. [Henry tries to smile wider, but it looks more like a grimace.] Then hunters…killed her. [His grin returns, wider.] And I killed them, too. There was so much blood and screaming…it felt good.

Grima: …

Henry: And then they sent me to a school. It was really…interesting. Lots of hard teachers, strict rules. A few torture chambers for when ya broke ‘em. I learned to do super powerful spells, ones that could turn people inside out. And I got a really high pain tolerance! Once they were done, I got shipped off to the military to “contribute to society” or whatever.

Grima: …

Henry: Whoa, did that actually scare you? You look kinda sick, but I don’t think that’s my fault. You’re just as murdery as I am, if not more so!

Grima: I…this feeling…

Henry: That feeling?

Grima: …Puny worm. I shall waste no more time in your presence.

[Henry and FH!Robin have reached support rank B.]

A SUPPORT

Grima: You. Mage.

Henry: Oh! Hi, Grima! Coulda sworn that you weren’t gonna waste any more time on me, or something.

Grima: I wasn’t. I didn’t want to, but…

Henry: Is it the feeling you were talking about? I didn’t hex you, I promise!

Grima: I felt that…we are the same. As much as it pains me to admit it.

Henry: Huuuh? How so? Is it the white hair? The cool robes? What about–

Grima: Hush, fool. It’s nothing so superficial as that. No…I, too was cast aside from humans. They cared not for me until it was beneficial for them. I loathe them. 

Grima: When I saw that you wore my mark, I wondered for a moment if you were one of the few of those worms that knew my power, saw my destruction as it was, and worshipped it. I wondered if, perhaps, there was one of my followers here. And then it seemed you were just as selfish as the rest, only using my name to hold yourself up.

Henry: You’re kinda right, ya know.

Grima: But it’s not your fault. You only became what they made you. And I only became cruel because humanity turned their back on me when I couldn’t be what they wanted. Couldn’t give them what they wanted. Your kind didn’t want me…or you.

Henry: Hm. I guess that is right. Say, if that’s true, how come you’re not as smiley as I am?

Grima: Likely because I wasn’t traumatized into it the way you were.

[Henry’s smile falters for a moment.]

Henry: I dunno what you mean by that.

Grima: *sarcastically* Of course not.

Henry: Well, you’re not mad at me anymore, right? Because we’re the same or…whatever?

[Henry’s smile cracks again before falling apart completely. Tears gather at the corners of his eyes.]

Henry: Y-you…and me…

Grima: Eugh…

[Grima moves closer to Henry. He reaches out with a trembling hand and clutches Henry’s in a surprisingly gentle grip.]

Grima: I don’t know why you’ve made me weak like this…but seeing you hurt makes me hurt as well.

Henry: *sniff* I think it’s empathy.

Grima: Empathy…

[Henry and FH!Robin have reached support rank A.]

S SUPPORT

Henry: Hey, Grima! Guess what I’ve got!

Grima: Hm. Hello…Henry.

Henry: Hey, you’ve been using my name! And not “worm” or “puny human”!

Grima: Yes. And you’ve stopped using that terribly fake smile, at least for now. What is it you have? Tribute to a superior being, perhaps?

Henry: Kinda. It’s a ring.

Grima: Hm. Unusual as tribute goes, but far more appreciated than those “virgins” my followers kill. This seems to be unique. Perhaps it may be worthy of me.

Henry: I made it myself. With magic! Usually I just blast stuff with my magic to kill it, but this needed a lot more detail work. See the snakes? They took forever to get right.

Grima: You made it?

Henry: Yessir!

Grima: I never thought you had an eye for arts. While not extravagant, the effort put into it is pleasing. But you said you didn’t worship me.

Henry: I don’t. That’s an engagement ring.

Grima: What?!

Henry: Oh, c'mon, you know what marriage is, right? 

Grima: Of course I know! I have seen every human custom made and performed for thousands of years!

Henry: Good! I thought so, but still glad I don’t have to explain what the whole thing is.

Grima: You wish to wed me? To become the consort of the Fell Dragon?

Henry: If it means being with you, then of course!

Grima: Hm. You are not worthy of the honor by any means. But this human heart…these feelings of mine…I can’t remember what this is called. It’s warm.

Henry: Happiness?

Grima: Perhaps. Whatever it may be, it feels stronger with you. And as twisted as it is, as weak as it makes me, I somehow want it. I want to have that warmth in me. How pathetic…

Henry: It’s not pathetic to feel. It’s just natural.

Grima: Perhaps. I…accept your offer.

Henry: Really?

Grima: Yes. Do not make me regret taking it.

Henry: I promise I won’t!

[Henry and FH!Robin have reached support rank S.]

[sinnhelmingr]

Does your muse consider romantic holidays  ( such as Valentine’s )  important to celebrate when in a relationship? How much stock does your muse put in first impressions? What is the best way to make a good first impression with your muse? Is your muse one to sit down with a new partner and formally define a relationship, or do they prefer to go with the flow and see what happens? When it comes to paying for a date, does your muse prefer to split the check, thinks the man should always pay, or thinks that whoever invited the other out should pay? // @prettyxbiites​

Does your muse consider romantic holidays  ( such as Valentine’s )  important to celebrate when in a relationship?

Hel will generally match the energy of her partners in such affairs. Given her dwelling is an unchanging tundra hellscape, the change of seasons and the cycle of holidays is relatively hard for her to keep a grip on. This isn’t to say she won’t make an effort, however, just that it’s not something she considers on her own accord. If her partner doesn’t think such holidays hold special meaning for a relationship, she will stay her course. If her partner instead treats these affairs with reverence or lives up to tradition, Hel will make herself do the same. For the most part, however, I think Hel is the kind of romantic that doesn’t require one specific day or event to give out great displays of love -- She’s devoted and adoring 365.

 How much stock does your muse put in first impressions? What is the best way to make a good first impression with your muse? 

It honestly depends on the first impression. Hel, more than anyone, understands that first glances are not always the most complementary or multifaceted. If a first impression goes well, it doesn’t mean the person might be disappointing or incompatible with her social life in other ways. If a first impression goes badly, that doesn’t mean the person is bereft of potential or deeper characterization. I think first impressions only really matter to her when it’s stupendously bad -- People who talk down to or demonstrate audible, condescending pity to her, for instance, or those who are openly hateful or prejudiced. There’s no coming back from either instance in her eyes.

Which is to say, do the opposite if you want to leave a good impression. Treat her as an equal or better depending on how stringently you cling to meaningless society rules. Be understanding towards others.  Really, though, that’s the bare minimum. The real spark that will keep her interest is a keen mind or a beautiful heart, and especially the two in tandem. Also, anyone who can see beyond the basic aesthetic of beauty as defined by the masses has her attention.

Is your muse one to sit down with a new partner and formally define a relationship, or do they prefer to go with the flow and see what happens? 

Go with the flow, but in a distinctly neurotic, traumatized way. There is no ‘que sera, sera’ attitude here. Hel is a wreck about having people love her, always fearing that Odin will take her new loved ones away from her like he did her family. As if just saying the word love aloud will invoke him and his spear. She prefers to not get entangled in romance at all, and if she can’t stop her partner from pursuit, can’t stop herself from giving in, then she tries to pretend things are casual to a truly stupid degree. Admittedly, she also spends that ‘casual’ period waiting her partner to ‘open their eyes’ and leave her for better, because Hel has never known a good mental health or self-worth day since she was like. Ten. Defining something and having the person that is the very word taken from her would be unbearable. Defining something and having the person -- rightfully, in her eyes -- walk away of their own accord would also hurt. It’s better if it’s a vague, amorphous thing that looks very much like love, but is dancing on the knife that is Hel’s trauma.

When it comes to paying for a date, does your muse prefer to split the check, thinks the man should always pay, or thinks that whoever invited the other out should pay?

Whoever is inviting should pay, unless it’s something like having planned their own birthday outing or there’s some kind of extenuating circumstances. This is also why Hel is more often than not the pursued rather than the pursuer, or takes her partner on dates that are more about the experience than the price tag. Her realm has no economy. She’s the fool whose partner talks her into treating them to dinner, sees the dining check and leans in towards her partner, asking if they know how to run.

[manifestoonmoralmanlove]

Long Exposure

OKAY I WROTE WAY TOO MUCH ON THIS BUT I GOT BIT BY THE RANT-BUG!

Also this came up much later than I intended because I realized I was being overly bitter and therefore rewrote a huge amount of this.

First and foremost I would just like to give a little disclaimer:

This is by far NOT the worst comic I’ve ever read and if you like it kudos to you.  Keep supporting it if you love it but ranting about how wrong I am is not going to change my mind.  I would also like to say that if you agree with me that this is not a great webcomic, do not harass the fans or the creator.  Write your own rant and we can bitch in the disque comments like the bitter fujo-bros we are.

SO HERE GOES!

Oh good god, this is a very frustrating level of comic for me.  It’s bad on several levels but it’s coherent and panders and rides clichés JUST ENOUGH to have a huge fanbase.  

Basically the author made a belligerent teenage meat-head, wanted them to bang a dude, any dude, and sketched the comic while Stranger things was on in the background so oops paranormal bullshit shows up once every 50 pages but has no bearing on anything ever.

So the story is as follows:

Mitch is a violent piece of shit but tragic past so it’s cool.  Jonas…has a dick so that’s good enough, therefore the two have to bang. Jonas’ step dad disapproves because homophobia.  There is also another bully in school for no plot relevant reason.  Things play out like stereotypical high school trash drama. (And I will admit my bias I’m really sick of high school trash dramas)

Look at this joke of a jealousy plot line! Where the woman is physically present in the comic for like 1 page, get slut-shamed, Jonas’ interest in her is so transparently thin it’s laughable it was even included, and this is pretty much forgotten about after seme has his token jealousy-induced pout.

Also we have, “NO FOSTER DADDY, I LOOOOOOVE HIM! IGNORE HOW 1 WEEK AGO I SHIT MYSELF AT THE THOUGHT HE’D COME BACK TO SCHOOL TO TORMENT ME! BUT OH NO TURNS OUT YOU’RE A PHYSICALLY ABUSIVE, HOMOPHOBIC 1-D VILLAIN LIKE ALL FOSTER DADS!”

They also get ridiculous over powered paranormal abilities which maybe part of a plot? Doesn’t look likely so far.

So let’s now do a deeper dive on this business:

Paranormal elements aka what paranormal elements?

The paranormal elements are a joke.  They got them day after they fell into a puddle by a mysterious facility.  Neither of them makes much of an attempt to hide their powers.  In fact nobody seems to really give a shit that they’ve got these life ending powers with no negative side effects from getting magical scientific water on their pants.  Writing Pro-Tip: We aren’t going to think it’s surprising or cool if nobody else reacts that way in the comic.

Mitch’s OVER power is telekinesis that can lift cars.  Jonas can make a shield or kinda slash at stuff with his but most of the time his powers are just glowing ribbons of energy to highlight how he’s being tsundere or a romantic moment.  The evil facility they got it from is now following them around and…out to get them? I guess? The lead characters care about this SO LITTLE, that it’s not until 200+ pages or so later, that Jonas googles what the facility was. (He made some random post on what looks like Reddit before this google search but again 2 panels, explains nothing.)  Not only did they wait that long the big reveal is that it’s called GAMMA HARDY HAR VERY ORIGINAL and that people have gone missing by it which we pretty much already know.   But the ad on Jonas’ phone is bigger and conveys more information than this essential plot information. 

WE GET IT! YOU DON’T CARE ABOUT THIS PLOT THREAD! WHY IS IT HERE!?

The cars are following them around but not enough effort is put in to make this even feel like it’s that weird no less scary or tense.  I think this is best summed up in the scene where Jonas reveals his powers to his sister. He spends about 1 page and a half talking about the powers and she reacts as if he got a bruise that looks a bit like a dog. There is one page where he explains he’s being stalked by these people which she has a slightly stronger reaction to, and then the next 3 pages which finish up the scene where they talk about Jonas having a crush on Mitch.  Which his sister reacts MUCH stronger too but like forgets she’s upset by it really fast and leaves off with a, “Guys are only after one thing!”  Which should be a joke cause HAHA YANNO Jonas is a man himself but no such luck. That’s treated like, “Poor little ukey, don’t give up your chastity to the first seme who bullies you.”  Way to make this comic feel as if it’s a queer love story and not some sad spank fodder for the lowest common denominator.  Oh wait damn, are we supposed to be scared of some shadow organization!? I don’t know how I got distracted from that.

It would be hilarious if this was some kinda parody. That a teenager is more worried about his crush feelings than the fact he may get abducted, tortured, and horribly killed by a bunch of murder scientists.  Pity it’s not!

Speaking of which…

Pace and focus problems aka I WANT THEM TO KISS! I JUST WANT THEM TO KISS! FUCK THE REST OF THE STORY! KISSY KISS KISS!!!!

One of the major problems in this story is that it only cares about building up Mitch and Jonas’ blooming relationship so everything else is pretty much forgotten and the pace suffers heavily from it because it’s so obvious the artist CANNOT WAIT until the two bang and it feels very rushed and juvenile for it.  It’s hard to go 2 pages in without some barely veiled hint that BOY OH BOY Mitch has the hots for Jonas.  There is no suspense that the two may not end up together because the author is so obnoxiously chomping on the bit for it.  And like listen, I get it, comics are a very time and energy intensive medium, and you’re doing it because of how much you just love the notion of these two together. It feels like such a drag to spend hours working on just some bullshit transition page when all you want to do is to draw them snuggling. I get the impulse, but you GOTTA rein it in if you want the story to have tension and be believable.

The story starts off with Jonas being deeply afraid of Mitch, and Mitch doesn’t exactly live it down. However by the end of the 1st day Jonas is unabashedly leading Mitch into a restricted part of the woods in the dead of night cause…..SCIENCE PROJECT???????  The science project is pretty much a SHRUG WHATEVER, IF IT GETS THEM TO INTERACT!  Even with this partnered science project in place there are like 80 reasons why Jonas would avoid this particular scenario since yanno it does sound pretty damn dangerous to do this with a guy he’s pretty sure wants to beat the tar out of him. What changes about Jonas’ perception of Mitch here? Well Mitch insults him a bunch and kinda sorta help him hide. And by hide, I mean pulls him to his strong chest for them sweet sexual tensions.  So really nothing should change from this interaction but...

From then on, Jonas just does whatever Mitch says and not under threat. Doesn’t matter that he was quite recently scared of and hates Mitch and he’s done nothing to really dissuade Jonas’ fears. This happens because he’s a puppet destined to fuck Mitch so he’s not allowed to make it even slightly difficult for them to bond….if you want to call it that.  Basically they’re bonding is Mitch being rude to Jonas and pressures him into breaking the law and despite yanno all the terrorizing Mitch has been doing, suddenly this is like sensual foreplay to him. 

The fact that Mitch and Jonas both get powers and are being stalked for it so they work together to figure it out would’ve been a good way to push them together.  Problem is when they get together they just like bond and flirt as if nothing really happened and don’t do jack shit to find out who’s behind all this.  Honestly neither of them seem very concerned.

Sure the 1st kiss doesn’t happen until page 200, but we started this couple off in a really deep hole.  If the two had met on neutral terms or had been friends I could probably see this bonding working and the pace as reasonable.  However that is definitely not the case here.  This is compounded by the fact that this couple is just poorly written, uninteresting, and fails to ~update~ the same shitty bully/victim BL narrative.

Relationship aka I can see where you’re coming from but try harder next time.

I will confess that my cup of tea is not the bully/nerd dynamic due to it’s typically exploitative nature. So I am coming into this bias.  This story does have a much less problematic, if stills stereotypical, take on it.  Nerd does one nice thing to the bully, bully is now obsessed with him, and years later torments the nerd cause that’s how bullys express affection.  The nerd just KINDA GIVES IN CAUSE IT’S EXCITING I GUESS?! At least in this version I can more readily see where Jonas would find these shenanigans as genuine, non-traumatic excitement.  Mitch introduces him to BREAKING LAWS! WOO!  Instead of the typical BL introduces him to UNWANTED SEX!  NOT WOO!

However I still feel as if it’s a bit of a stretch for both of them.  It makes more sense for Mitch to pursue a fellow bully who treats him half decently.  Mitch is bitter toward people whom he perceives as having a better life than him, and yet at the same time (perhaps this is me over-analyzing) should view himself as beneath these other people because he was called shit all his life so he doesn’t want to taint anybody else either.  So Jonas as a target of affection seems pushing it because his (initial view) of Jonas would lend Mitch to distancing himself out of anger at society and at himself.

As for Jonas? He seems more annoyed than charmed by many of Mitch’s antics. Also it seems like quite a big jump, not just realizing you’re attracted to the same gender but the individual you’re attracted to is...to put it nicely not exactly the most socially acceptable suitor. Jonas does openly say, “Yeah I’m not happy I’ve got this crush” but that’s pretty much as conflicted as he gets.  He doesn’t have to have a big GOSH AM I GAY OR NOT internal conflict but I feel as if it would be poor characterization if he doesn’t have an internal conflict about GOSH MY CRUSH IS ON AN EMOTIONALLY VOLATILE GOON! THAT MAY NOT BE THE BEST DOWN THE LINE!

I will say the fact that both Mitch and Jonas having less than stellar male father figures in their life could’ve been a much MUCH better way for the two of them to bond together.  However at the moment it seems more incidental than something the two of them have really talked out.  It wasn’t something like,

“I have a crappy dad!”

“Oh my gosh me too! It really sucks.  I wish I had somebody to give me guidance from a male perspective in this wild world that is teenage hood.  I don’t feel as if I can trust what I was original taught.” 

“Gosh me too!”

Instead the conversations feel more like two totally separate exposition dumps rather than something they have in common.

I guess what I’m trying to say is that I can see the potential here but it just doesn’t make the grade.

Characters aka please believe the worst human being in this story is actually the best one.

You know that 1-d villain in every after school special?  That’s our seme!

Mitch is a textbook bully who physically harasses everybody he can which includes teachers and totally innocent peers.  Out of I would say the 4/5 people he’s shown to expressly pick on in school, only one of them is shown in text to be a bad guy.  And it’s absurd how, despite only being back in high school for like what a week, that he hasn’t already been suspended or expelled already.  Why?

Mitch is shown to pick on and threaten fellow innocent students who think about telling on him for the harassment they suffered. Mitch (on his 1st day back) threatens a teacher with violence, and just what…3 pages ago steals the same teacher’s keys.  This teacher has been shown as a good person and the only authority figure that is shown expressing concern for Jonas.  We also see him and his buddies kicking the snot out of somebody on the first day he’s back. A fight that’s 4 people vs. 1.

So Mitch isn’t some kinda modern day high school Samurai, who only beats on those who deserve it and fights fairly.  He’s just a piss-drinker.

Yet he hasn’t gotten punished for any of the above behavior and I haven’t even mentioned some of the worst things he’s done.  The worst one on school grounds was putting a knife to another bully’s throat.  That’s right, he brought a weapon to school, and threatened to kill another peer while on school grounds.  But? No punishment!  Simply having a weapon, even if not used against somebody, is more than enough for expulsion in the majority of American schools.  The kicker here being, there were witnesses, there is no reason why the person he threatened wouldn’t report it (in fact he seems the type to report tripping on someone’s foot as harassment), and due to Mitch’s reputation there would be no reason for anybody to disbelieve it either.

Mitch has a tragic past and comes from poverty.  I can kinda see how his law-breaking violent behavior is just how he was inadvertently taught to act from his shitty brother and step-father and he has a lot of anger in regards to abandonment.  The problem being here his bad behavior is not treated as bad.  It’s treated as 1 part hilarious, 1 part that other guy deserved it for doing something much less severe, and 1 part BAD BOYS ARE JUST SO HOT HNNNNNGH!  And I’m not saying this to shame anybody into bad boys, but Mitch genuinely treats a lot of helpless people real shitty but it’s framed as...well... those 3 things above.  What I’d like to see is Jonas confronts Mitch about how he treats the majority of his peers, and maybe Mitch realizes it’s not okay to frighten people on whims and confront WHY he does it.  But I will say I’m not exactly banking on that future since Jonas will just nod along to everything Mitch does with the only notable exception being stopping him from KILLING HIS FOSTER DAD!

Oh and there’s a not-so-subtle hint that Mitch maybe bulimic? But there’s literally 1 page of it and there hasn’t been a peep before or since? WHY IS IT THERE? ….my friend you can’t just throw mental illness on the table and forget about it.

I will say I was pleasantly surprised that Mitch treats Jonas with more respect and less abuse than a lot of bully semes do, and yet at the same time it doesn’t feel as if Mitch is behaving out of character around Jonas, rather that he just has a soft spot for him. But Mitch is still kinda a douche to Jonas to be honest.  While Mitch doesn’t hit Jonas but he takes glee in making Jonas feel unsafe and is just flat out rude to him in many other instances.  So while not abusive, it’s not enough for me to bridge a gap into giving a shit about him.

Have you ever seen a cardboard cutout?  That’s our uke!

I’m all about freckles, nerds, and pudgy characters in BL so you’d think this would be a slam dunk. Unfortunately there’s little to talk about when it comes to him.  He suffers from uke-doll syndrome and just does what it’ll take to get to that sex scene and nothing else.  There are MENTIONS of things he likes but like that’s all they are mentions.  Like someone refers to him as a band kid.  Do we even know what instrument he plays? NOPE! At one point Jonas liking to do photography is brought up, there is even some kind of implication that he feels bad he doesn’t photograph anymore.  However this is powered through in 3 panels and we can barely tell what Jonas even took pictures of to begin with.  If done properly we’d get a panel of what kind of photos he took.  If he used labor intensive techniques, took pictures of animals/people/scenery, a deceased family member, a specific place with meaning, or if he took pictures of a place he used to live.  There is a lot of subtle character building that can be done there but instead we get 1 awkward shrug because we gotta transition into the non-existent romantic tension.

I will mention one scene which could potentially be very interesting character building but TO BE HONEST I think I read it in a more interesting way than the creator intended. In a recent page a character brings up how Mitch is a nutcase and Jonas gets really defensive screaming that the whole school just DOESN’T UNDERSTAND HIM!  Which I think the author intended to be just that. 

However, if you factor in, just the previous night Mitch NEARLY MURDERS Jonas’ foster father and would have if Jonas hadn’t stopped him, there could be more to it.  Despite how much he hates his foster father, he doesn’t want him killed.  Jonas could be feeling really doubtful about having a crush on Mitch.  While there is a good side to Mitch he STILL IS REALLY UNHINGED AND DANGEROUS like everybody says.  So he becomes defensive when this is questioned, because he’s been worried about it himself.

But welp it’s most likely just U DON’T UNDERSTAND WHAT A PRECIOUS SOUL THIS VIOLENT BAG OF DICKS IS ON THE INSIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIDE!  Speaking of foster daddy…

Antagonists aka a homophobic puppet show put on by somebody who’s convinced saying the word fag is worse than stabbing someone to death.

The antagonists include a strict foster dad who’s concerned about his adopted son hanging out with somebody who’s been to juvie for trying to kill someone, does drugs, trespasses, causes massive property damage, brings knives to school, oh yeah and almost violently murdered the dad personally. WHAT AN ASSHOLE!  Haha just kidding!  Just kidding about him distrusting Mitch for being a violent criminal, he does do all of the above in the text of the story. The real reason why he hates Mitch is because he’s a filthy gay that’s turning Jonas into a filthy gay too.  Which like sure….have the foster dad character be a homophobe but like it makes negative sense why he would knee-jerk into being worried exclusively about gayness cause…

1.)    Daddy issues is a cop and Mitch is a legit criminal that is where they should OBVIOUSLY be at odds

2.)    Jonas appears to be bisexual but before Mitch he’s only expressed interest in women. So his dad logically should not be paranoid at this point that he raised some filthy gay, because there’s no history of it and he does not obviously present as such.

3.)    Mitch ALSO does not obviously present as gay.  He seems to be out to his friends (and only recently), but doesn’t appear to be out to the whole school and even if he was out to the whole school it would a stretch for random cop dad to know about it.

So the real reason that adopted dad knee-jerks into being worried about gayness is because it makes him more of an evil, bad, no-good 1-D villain.  This on some level makes sense, because it’s easier to hate somebody for mistrusting the gays rather than somebody mistrusting someone who is..haha well….untrustworthy.  Problem being the rest of the story acts as if Mitch is a hero for destroying cars, and trying to kill people, so it’s a moot fucking point anyway.

In between the homophobic jargon Foster Father expresses fear that Mitch is a bad influence. Probably for the gayness but the negative influence is pretty true in the text. Jonas trespasses, skips school, causes property damage, and does drugs because Mitch tells him to.  Sure he has a choice in the matter but he had none of these inclinations before and I think it’s likely might never have done this if Mitch hadn’t open the door as WIDE AS THESE PLOT HOLES.  So again, it’s hard to see him as the 1-D antagonist he’s painted because WELP the fears of him picking up bad behavior are technically true.

The other antagonist (who really is not necessary to this story at all) is Neil.  Who I’m guessing was put in to make Mitch look better but no joke he’s worse than Mitch because he’s verbally instead of physically abusive. That’s not true the real reason why he seems like a bad person and Mitch isn’t is because Neil comes from a family with money and uses slurs.  (Which to be honest I wouldn’t picture Mitch being ABOVE if he was pissed.)  Mitch does objectively MUCH WORSE SHIT that he GETS AWAY WITH and Neil makes a few homophobic and fatphobic comments, get humiliated in public, threatened with a knife, and has his car seriously damaged if not totaled.   Also Neil apparently forgets that his car was annihilated because when he sees the people he thinks are responsible he just goes back into making fat jokes.  The worst Neil does is punch somebody after getting kneed in the dick. The worst Mitch has done is seriously attempt to kill 2 people.

So like, that’s an obvious choice right?

Say something nice Faps:

Okay the art is nice. It has a good style, good character design, and it’s consistent. Sometimes backgrounds disappear for no reason but it’s not hugely jarring.  The colored powers are a cheap kinda trick but the use of them in water for that scene was genuinely very pretty.  However I will say as cool as the style is, it’s not really suited for the material.  Like the violence looks semi-comedic when that doesn’t appear to be the intention.  Also the fact that the characters don’t have lips make the almost and DO kiss scenes look just kinda…how to put it stupid?  Like it becomes readily apparent this style is tooney and not sensual/romantic at all cause flapping those two flat lines over each other is really unappealing and silly in my opinion.

Also I do appreciate how our male leads are not the conventionally attractive types.  In particular, I give big kudos out to Jonas being on the pudgier side, even if he’s not majorly, so the artist doesn’t GLOSS OVER that fact about him.

TL;DR

The reason why this story is popular is trying to be a less problematic version of the fetishy bully/victim romances you see in a lot of BL manga.  The big problems being a story hyper focused on the flaccid romance which gives it a poor pace and makes anything else, even plot relevant info, feel like a joke. Even when the story is progressing as it should it uses some big time cliches and doesn’t put in the energy for it work.  The characterization is better but leaves Jonas looking hollow and glamorizes the violent actions of a bully.

If you want a gay delinquent with a heart of gold story read Mr.Mini-Mart, Rutta and Kodama, Blue Sky Complex, and the Hydra series.

[ewinglogan93]

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[atimefordragons]

100 Intelligence, 0 Wisdom || EHS

☾♔; June 17, 2020 ☾♔; 12:26am ☾♔; sotd: Tuhje Dekha To (DDLJ)   ☾♔; cotd: Dick Grayson   ☾♔; Elite Highschool ☾♔; Side/NPC Profiles

𝐓𝐢𝐭𝐥𝐞: lol, a summary of all 5 Sheremetev kids

----------->UPDATE: description abandoned. The group was shutdown and I've been kicked from the discord, so there's no point in finishing this set. I'll just make a new one when I inevitably recycle the characters.

Most of their profiles were done anyway, but whatever, I’m not putting any more effort into something I’m not involved in anymore.

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【𝕀ℕ𝕊ℙ𝕆 ℂℝ𝔼𝔻】@ maybones

As always, lolz. Soz for always using you as inspo, but you are the unrivaled Queen of Talent and Set making.

Was specifically inspired by this set: https://urstyle.fashion/styles/2523719 And as always, failed in mimicking it.

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I have made a new version of Tuhje Dekha To: Tuhje Dekha Toh ye jana sanam Main tuhje nufrat karti, kuti kamini

Loose Translation: When I saw you beloved, I knew That I despise you, you fucking bitch

(kuti kamini doesn’t literally mean fucking bitch, but that’s the emotional weight, or inflection or whatever behind it tbh - it doesn’t mean bitch though, like, from a literal translation, it kinda means bitch, bitch, since kuti and kamini both mean bitch)

Lol, ya, it doesn’t really flow with the music, but whatever. I’m fucking pissed and TDT was stuck in my head, so the lyrics went from love to rage.

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𝐅𝐀𝐌𝐈𝐋𝐘

The Sheremetev’s are a unique bunch of siblings, in that not a single one is biologically related to another. All, but the youngest were adopted by Ivan Borisovich Sheremetev, his youngest, and only biological, child eventually passing into his custody. They’re a family of 7, Ivan, their father, Feodor Brezhnev, their butler/emotional grandfather, Rodya, the big brother, Adya, Emil, and Shion, the NOT triplets, and Erasyl, the brat- I mean baby. Because they’re not his biological children, they’re often labelled as charity cases, though they can pretty much brush it off at this point. Since Ivan does not make a blood distinction between his kids, Erasyl is often thought to have been adopted too. Are they just the batfam repackaged as Russian bourgeoisie? lol, yeah.

The House of Sheremetev are former Russian nobility, and in the age of the Empire, were amongst the wealthiest and most influential families in Imperial Russia. They held many high commanding ranks in the Russian military, governorships and were given title of "Count" (Граф graf), which in Russian society was the third highest, the first obviously being the rank of Tsar, followed by Prince (Князь knyaz) - a Russian prince was not necessarily royalty, but more equivalent to a western Duke. Notable Sheremetev's include Yelena Sheremeteva, who was the third and final wife of Tsarevich Ivan Ivanovich (1554–1581), the son of Ivan IV (better known to history as Ivan the Terrible), and Fedor Sheremetev, cousin of Tsar Mikhail I and head of government in 1613–18 and 1642–46.

During the revolution, the line that led to the current Sheremetev's stayed in Russia. A handful were executed, but one became a party man and ardent supporter of the regime. By the time of the union’s collapse, numerous members of the Sheremetev family had served in the government, military, and KGB throughout the existence of the Union. Boris Sheremetev, father of Ivan, was a member of the Council of Ministers when it was dissolved in 1991, and Anastasia Sheremeteva, Ivan’s mother, was a high ranking member of the KGB. During the upheavel of the economic shift from communist to capitalist, and mass privatization of the Russian and post-Soviet state economies, both Sheremetev parents were killed in highly suspicious circumstances. Their murders remain unsolved, though were blamed on Bratva’s. The Sheremetev’s had already taken part in Gorbachev’s attempt to create a mixed socialist economy, and during the post-Soviet transition period, they bought numerous government contracts and assets, primarily in the arms, oil, and energy industries, quickly establishing themselves as Oligarchs in the new world order. In the modern day, all Sheremetev assets are controlled under the banner of Sheremetev Enterprises (Шереме́тевы Компании Sheremetev  Kompanii), often shortened to SKomp. Due to the industries, and their closely maintained friendship with the Russian government, the Sheremetev family is amongst one of the wealthiest in Russia and the world at large.

Ivan Sheremetev, current head of the family and their business, is the only child of Boris and Anastasia. Their respective jobs already came with a level of paranoia and strict safety measures in the family, but their deaths made Ivan far more cautious and obsessive. Ivan was a teenager when his parents died (somewhere between 15-18) and he’s basically become a doomsday prepper, but instead of a Zombie invasion or whatever, he’s more concerned that some goon will invade his house. Bitch has the most insane and overkill security system in the world, plus he does all that martial arts and marvel superhero training. And then he went and had kids, and somehow managed to become even more hypervigilant, makes them all take at least one “bad bitch, kick your ass” type class (judo, krav maga, etc). He rarely drinks in public, fucking nerd even drank gingerale and pretended it was alcohol so he could keep his wits about him. He used to masquerade as a party boy to keep people disarmed around him, but after adopting children, especially once he had the non-triplets, he just acts as the truth; tired father. 100% uses them as an excuse to avoid parties and the media (lol, he’s just a brooding loner type who has maybe 12 friends, and 5 of those are his kids). Ivan is bad at expressing emotions, but genuinely loves his kids, and is simultaneously the most laid back and most helicopter parent ever. The kids are out late? It’s okay, I trust them, and they’ll call if something bad happens. One of them fell off the monkeybars on the school playground? I AM SUING THEM FOR CHILD ENDANGERMENT!

𝐑𝐎𝐃𝐈𝐎𝐍 𝐈𝐕𝐀𝐍𝐎𝐕𝐈𝐂𝐇 𝐒𝐇𝐄𝐑𝐄𝐌𝐄𝐓𝐄𝐕 ➤AGE: 18 ➤BIRTHPLACE: Yakutsk, Russia ➤RESIDENCE: St. Petersburg, Russia ➤BIRTHDAY: March 21 ➤FACE CLAIM: Simon Nessman

➤PERSONALITY OVERVIEW: Overall, he’s a pretty decent guy. Big, big brother energy, also has a lot of dad energy, and is a mother hen. The type of guy that says “you kids these days”, even though he’s barely a year older. Rather sarcastic, but it’s mostly playful, loves a pun. Is pretty and petty, kind of a hoe, we got a male Anto here. Somersaults and does splits and other flippy shit completely randomly while walking, just ‘cause he can. He’s extra like that. Loves to tease his younger siblings, and will purposefully embarrass them, he will yell across campus to do so, “HEY ERASYL, REMEMBER HOW YOU GOT SCARED BY THE CAT LAST WEEK AND SNUCK INTO MY ROOM!” Has also yelled relationship advice and dating tips. Also more explicit tips. Despite his embarrassing tendencies, hoe nature, and general playfulness, apart from Feodor (the butler), Rodya is the certified adult™️ of the family, when any of the other Sheremetev kids have a problem, they all go directly to him, skipping over Ivan, who also goes to Rodya when he’s got a problem (but has great difficulty owning up to the problem too). Because of their emotionally stunted father, Rodya has become the emotional support of the family, though he certainly wasn’t always good at it. By the time Ivan brought Emil into the family, Rodya (around 13 at the time) quickly grew up to help the traumatized Emil adjust to the new family (lol, they’re all traumatized), and changed his previously dismissive and rude behaviour towards Adya. Because he took over what should’ve fallen to the parent, Rodya has a lot of buried issues himself, particularly a temper, which flares up whenever any of his family or friends are being attacked in some way. Insulting one of my brat’s? Lol, let me teach you what gravel tastes like. Rodya seems like the best behaved of them all, he’s outwardly the most polite and charming Sheremetev, but he’s the most dangerous and vicious of them all.

➤LIKES: Cereal (is possibly addicted to it??? Can eat it for any meal and as a snack, it is genuinely a concern), Tequila (this wasn’t intentional, but I’ve been going through dick grayson memes for inspiration, and I vote Rodya as Anto’s best friend, the Princess can suck it), he a Gucci boy, winter, ice skating, eurovision, Frozen and disney movies in general, will belt those songs out at any time of the day or night, but Frozen has a special place in his heart ➤DISLIKES: Brooding people (got enough of that in his family), clowns, lazy fashion (black suit, white shirt again? Fucking try my dude), teen language constantly evolving (what happened to thristing? wtf is simping?), overpowering scents (like axe, that shit gross yo, have some class) ➤HOBBIES: Gymnastics and acrobatics (has no interest in joining a circus, but it helps him feel close to his parents), boxing (needs to beat up anyone that might threaten his family), karate (black belt), coding/hacking, frolicking (lol, is that a hobby? Hanging out with the friends and the “kids” - his sibs)  

➤RELATIONSHIP WITH THE OTHERS: Rodion gets along best with everyone else in the family, and is pretty much the lightning rod guiding them all back together. He’s grandpa’s (Feodor) sassy lil baby boy forever, and the only other person to sometimes have a brain cell, he’s dad’s (Ivan) pride and joy, not to mention emotional rock. Rodya feels so that Ivan doesn’t have to. He keeps Adya in check, is Emil’s idol, Shion’s best bro, and Erasyl’s actual dad (not really, but he parents Erasyl more than Ivan, so). When asked who’s their favourite member of the family, every Sheremetev without hesitation will answer Rodion (for himself, he’ll refuse to answer, he’s nice like that).  

➤SHORT BIO: The first, and the favourite; Rodion was born as Rodion Petyrovich Kirilov, his parents, Petyr and Masha, were members of a contemporary circus (a la cirque du soleil, but smallers, and in Russia), as a rarity in the contemporary circus, the Kirilov’s were a circus family, but that’s more of an arguable point, since Petyr and Masha were individually trained, and they were only beginning to pass on their skills, etc to Rodion when the thing™️ happened. When he was 5, Rodion’s parents were killed in what seemed to be an act gone wrong (though in truth a jealous member of the circus messed with the rigging, causing them to plummet to their deaths). Ivan Sheremetev just happened to have been attending that very show, and also just happened to witness the murderer in the act, and relayed his information to the police. As an orphan himself, though he was much older than Rodya when his parents died, Ivan empathized with the young child, and adopted him on pretty much impulse. Because he is so much dumber than he seems (he eats burgers with a knife and fork), he was able to win over young Rodya due to being “funny”, and they established their own little family, Rodya quickly picking up Feodor’s sassy remarks, and becoming a little darling by Ivan’s side at fancy Russian events.

When Adrian was brought into the family, Rodya was far from the best big brother he is now. Adya came into the family with Rodya was 11 (Adya himself was 10), so for 6 years, he was the only child in Ivan and Feodor’s care, and was certainly spoiled by the two. Adya’s arrival sparked First Child Syndrome in Rodya, who absolutely detested having to share the limelight now with another kid. He was incredibly rude to Adya, and repeatedly referred to him as a replacement, which resulted in Adya lashing out and running away a few times as well. He’s really not proud of this, not to mention, he’s definitely where Adya learned that replacement insult from, and subsequently used on Emil. He eventually got over it mostly on his own, though got a nice little pep talk from Feodor about how all three (Rodya, Adya, and Ivan) are just lost children who need to find a family, and Rodya begrudgingly began extending an olive branch to Adya and trying to get along with him, even being the one to bring him back to the manor a couple of times. He was much better prepared when Emil arrived 2 years later and smoothly transitioned into the “Best Big Brother” mantle he has now, and continued being the best bro when Shion and Erasyl arrived, though the younger ones started having issues with not being the new baby anymore (lmao, welcome to the club you dorks).  The day Rodion left for EHS was hilariously emotional, they were all crying ‘cause they didn’t want him to go, which in turn made him cry too. The other kids didn’t talk to Ivan for a week ‘cause he sent big brother away (overdramatic much, they’d be joining him in a year, two for Erasyl, anyway).

𝐀𝐃𝐑𝐈𝐀𝐍 𝐈𝐕𝐀𝐍𝐎𝐕𝐈𝐂𝐇 𝐒𝐇𝐄𝐑𝐄𝐌𝐄𝐓𝐄𝐕 ➤AGE: 17   ➤BIRTHPLACE: Moscow, Russia ➤RESIDENCE: St. Petersburg, Russia ➤BIRTHDAY: August 16 ➤FACE CLAIM: Sean O’Pry

➤PERSONALITY OVERVIEW: (1) angry boi. He’s so petty and broken, and like, just needs love? He had a less than stellar relationship with his birth parents, and does not easily trust people. Adrian struggles the most with being called a “charity case”, it’s not really the insult that bothers him, but the implication that he isn’t loved by his dad, because he can’t fully trust that Ivan genuinely loves him as his son (plus Ivan isn’t exactly a share-my-feelings type, so that’s no help). Adya is quick to throw a punch, and has no patience, at all. If something is bothering him, he reacts immediately, usually with anger. On the flip side, he’s also really sweet and a nerd. Like that trope of “Bad boy who picks up cats in the rain”, that’s him, to a T! He loves literature and can recite Shakespeare from memory alone (lol, and has the nerve to call Emil a nerd), and is generally rather prickly, but if you can shave down those spikes, you’ve got a friend for life in him. ➤LIKES: Poetry, plays, literature, shakespeare, history, mythology, tolstoy, dostoyevsky, the beach, whiskey ➤DISLIKES: clowns, drugs (just say no), cops (acab), fire (he’s a tad pyrophobic), enclosed spaces (also claustrophobic), being told what to do (not a fan of being controlled) ➤HOBBIES: Reading, studying (he’s such a nerd), weight-lifting (does that count as a hobby?), mixed martial arts, napping, homework (lol, lil mr. bad boy here is top of the class), drama club (backstage stuff and directing, also script)     ➤RELATIONSHIP WITH THE OTHERS: It's complicated. When he first arrived to the Manor, he had a very teasing, bratty relationship with Rodya (he teased his new big brother, 'cause lol, dad loves me more now, you weren't enough), which Rodya did not like, but underwent the same crisis when Ivan brought Emil home and was much worse about. He has trust issues and has run away from home numerous times, but most of the time he went back on his own, or was quickly found by Ivan (and later Rodya). He deeply loves his family, but struggles with admitting it, and is fearful that they do not love him. He gets along the least with Emil, who was adopted 2 years after him, and frequently, to this day, calls him a replacement (something he picked up from Rodya). As both are aggressive types, he technically gets along the best with Erasyl, often teaming up to pull off shenanigans and teenage rebellion, but they constantly argue, and each views the other as the “stupid” one in their duo (lol, you’re both dumb). They’re also both super scared of Shion (she beat him up for talking shit). His relationship with Ivan is the most complicated, because he wants Ivan’s love and approval, but also refuses to admit that, though he does have it (even though Ivan struggles with admitting it too - they’re all so dumb).

➤SHORT BIO: The second one and resident “bad boy” (LOL, he’s so not), Adrian was born to Andrei and Olga Petrov, a regular working class family. Olga left them when Adya was 2, and Andrei subsequently remarried to a woman named Alina. Alina was a drug addict, as well as a drug dealer (she specialized in Heroin), which is how she and Andrei met. Both were addicts and frequently abused Adrian while high, when in withdrawal, and when completely sober. He was routinely locked out of their apartment and left to sleep outside in the freezing cold. Because of his upbringing, Adrian has had to learn to fend for himself, often resorting to petty crime just to survive. It’s how he met Ivan, as he was trying to steal the wheels off of Ivan’s fancy ass car to sell, but was discovered, and instead of trying to run, idiot decided I’m just gonna attack this guy. Ivan instead, decided to take Adrian in, easily getting custody of him from his birth parents and eventually formalizing the adoption. For this, Adrian is eternally grateful, and hasn’t seen his parents since the night Ivan caught him trying to jack his wheels (or however you say it).

The young Adrian was prone to tantrums, and often ran away from home, but was calmed down and brought back each time, usually by Ivan, a few times by Rodya, and sometimes he would come back on his own. The introduction of Emil in the family was a shocker for him, and made him feel as if he wasn’t enough, ‘cause who needs 3 kids? Not to mention, Emil, unlike himself and Rodya, came from upper society, so he felt a lot of inadequacy, which he dealt with by lashing out. He still dislikes Emil the most, even with Erasyl’s shouts about being the “blood son”. On the plus side, at least he mostly gets along with Rodya now. Technically speaking, Adrian is the youngest of the not-triplets (himself, Emil, and Shion), but having been adopted second acts as the oldest, and gets away with it due to his aggressive and independent nature.

𝐄𝐌𝐈𝐋 𝐈𝐕𝐀𝐍𝐎𝐕𝐈𝐂𝐇 𝐒𝐇𝐄𝐑𝐄𝐌𝐄𝐓𝐄𝐕 ➤AGE: 17   ➤BIRTHPLACE: Greiz, Germany ➤RESIDENCE: St. Petersburg, Russia ➤BIRTHDAY: July 19 ➤FACE CLAIM: Louis Hofmann  

➤PERSONALITY OVERVIEW: A very good boy, he is just the fucking sweetest, he could give you diabetes. But he is a Sheremetev sibling, and thus also is PETTY AF! He fucking logs every wrong another sibling has ever committed against him in a digital diary, and has the receipts when he complains to one of the “adults” (aka Rodion mostly, sometimes Feodor or Ivan). Emil is the “smart” one (lol, he’s got an IQ of 187, but will also blindly accept anything Rodya says as fact), and so he uses his brains to psychological torture Adya and Erasyl when they get on his nerves. He’s utterly savage when it comes to a comeback or witty comment, and can be impatient when it comes to letting someone else be in charge of technology (dies inside every time someone types www into the address bar). He makes a conscious effort to model himself after Rodya (apart from Rodya’s hoe-ing), to emulate that nice, caring, dependable thing that Rodya has, and was a super adorable mini-me when they were younger. Has insomnia, from a mix of nightmares from repressed trauma, and staying up online at all hours of the day and night like a typical zillenial. Runs on caffeine and candy.  

➤LIKES: Technology, he a computer geek, rococo, baroque, champagne, pastels, sunlight, summer, acrobatics, the circus, von gogh, monet   ➤DISLIKES: slow wifi connections, laggy computers (like excuse you windows, but I need those 4 browsers with 50+ tabs each, you know me, figure it out), blood, erasyl   ➤HOBBIES: computer engineering (is that a hobby, or just like a life goal? The latter probs), coding, tattling on adrian and erasyl, planning elaborate ways to get back at adrian and erasyl

➤RELATIONSHIP WITH THE OTHERS: In general, he gets along with his siblings, with two glaring exceptions; Adrian and Erasyl, both of whom view him as an unwelcome replacement, well, for Erasyl, he’s a placeholder (which, I mean, calm down, we all know who dad’s favourite is - Rodya). Emil gets along the best with Rodya, whose parents he saw perform live once before their deaths, upon his arrival to the Sheremetev manor, witnessed Rodya pulling off a similar stunt on the banister (which gave poor Ivan a heart attack) and immediately became obsessed. Because they both had a strong brotherly bond with Rodya from pretty much the get go, Emil and Erasyl argue over Rodya the most. Aside from Rodya, Emil and Shion are rather close, though she doesn’t open up much, the two often team up against Adya and Erasyl.

➤SHORT BIO: Born to Heinrich XXVIII, Prince Reuss of Greiz and Elsa von Hohenberg, the last scions of the Elder Line of the House of Reuss, and born as Heinrich XXIX, Emil is the heir to the Principality of Reuss-Greiz, which was technically inherited by his cousin, Prince Heinrich of the Junior Reuss line (they’ll all named Heinrich in the honour of the Emperor who enobled them - lame). His parents were killed when he was 12; his death was subsequently faked alongside theirs and he was taken in by Ivan, a friend of his parents, for his protection. Emil witnessed his parents' murders and was covered in their blood when he was found by the guards, the incident clearly left him traumatized, and for the most part has shut out the memory, though he still has nightmares about it, which contributes to his insomnia.

When he was first brought to the Sheremetev manor, Emil was very withdrawn and solitary, often staying by himself in his room (with the doors and windows locked) or sticking by Ivan’s side. He was slowly brought out of his shell by Rodya, though this immediately sparked jealousy and insecurity in Adya, beginning their “rivalry”.  

𝐒𝐇𝐈𝐎𝐍 𝐈𝐕𝐀𝐍𝐎𝐕𝐍𝐀 𝐒𝐇𝐄𝐑𝐄𝐌𝐄𝐓𝐄𝐕𝐀 ➤AGE: 17   ➤BIRTHPLACE: Susaki, Japan ➤RESIDENCE: St. Petersburg, Russia ➤BIRTHDAY: January 26 ➤FACE CLAIM: Dilraba Dilmurat

➤PERSONALITY OVERVIEW: Seems like a brooding, silent, lowkey scary type, but really she’s just introverted. Doesn’t interact if she doesn’t know someone and/or it’s unnecessary. When she talks, she’s savage and witty (lol, despite them not being blood related, that’s a trait all the Sheremetev’s have). She’s honestly super dorky, loves shit like Naruto and One Piece and Batman cartoons (has declared she IS batman). Shion loves messing with people and will always make up shit to throw people off, she loves the whole concept of being the mysterious loner type, and there’s equal chance she’s saying a true fact about herself, or it’s another joke to fuck with you.   ➤LIKES: Messing with her brothers, dark colours, ➤DISLIKES:   ➤HOBBIES:   ➤RELATIONSHIP WITH THE OTHERS: Quiet. Because she’s generally rather reserved, it’s not quite evident upfront how close or distant she is to her family, since she’s physically generally off doing her own thing, however, like her other brothers, she is close to Rodya, and tends to hang out with him when she has nothing else to do (she be the designated driver for the hoes - she could drive since she was like 12, yes, she had to heels and creative methods to reach the pedals, but she could drive).

➤SHORT BIO: Born as Orihara Shion, Shion is the daughter of Orihara Chinatsu, the former third generation leader of Sesshō-Kai (殺生会), a Yakuza based in Kōchi, her father is unknown, but is or was presumably a member of her family’s Yakuza. From the moment she was born, Shion was separated from her mother and raised in secrecy for her protection, as well as education, as per Chinatsu’s instructions, she was being raised to one day take over the Yakuza.

Technically speaking, she is the oldest of the “triplets”, but is treated as the youngest of the three, having been adopted last, and she’s pretty okay with it. Got to be doted on as the baby before the brat (Erasyl) arrived.

adopted when she was 13 (dick 14, and the other two 13 as well)

𝐄𝐑𝐀𝐒𝐘𝐋 𝐈𝐕𝐀𝐍𝐎𝐕𝐈𝐂𝐇 𝐒𝐇𝐄𝐑𝐄𝐌𝐄𝐓𝐄𝐕 ➤AGE: 15   ➤BIRTHPLACE:  Almaty, Kazakhstan ➤RESIDENCE: St. Petersburg, Russia   ➤BIRTHDAY: August 9 ➤FACE CLAIM: Bright Vachirawit

➤PERSONALITY OVERVIEW: ➤LIKES: ➤DISLIKES:   ➤HOBBIES:   ➤RELATIONSHIP WITH THE OTHERS: Terrible. He’s very insecure about his father’s affections and always gets into fights with the others, particularly Emil and Adya. He’s scared of Shion, because the one time he managed to anger her, she threw him off a balcony (he’s fine, just traumatized - technically, Rodya once beat him too, but that was to teach him a lesson, Shion was straight up trying to kill him). Erasyl gets along the best with Rodya and is very possessive of him, especially since Rodya tends to pamper him and treat him like a child. Very quickly gets jealous when Rodya spends time with the others, especially Emil (You can have father, but Rodya is mine <- has actually said that, out loud).

➤SHORT BIO: The baby, Erasyl is the only biological child of Ivan

the only biological child (15), a brat, was a real bitch to them all, but started respecting dick when he beat him, and is now super attached to him

𝐄𝐗𝐓𝐑𝐀

➤MOODBOARD: https://urstyle.fashion/styles/2594157 ➤SCHOOL WARDROBE/AESTHETICS: https://urstyle.fashion/collections/115802 ➤PLAYLIST: