#instead made myself vintage sad with this i guess?

[mythtakens]

Firefly 1x12 The Message

[declinlalune]

Jirt and Tie || Andy & Ryan (Ray)

TIMING: current. PARTIES: @spaceforanother & @declinlalune SUMMARY: andy runs into ryan again while thrifting after he saw her stealing the last time. CONTENT WARNINGS: Brief mentions of memory loss.

Andy heard the bell above the door ring and turned around to see Ryan as he walked in in the sweater she had helped him pick out the last time they’d run into one another, which, coincidentally, had been at this very spot. “That thing makes you look a little aged, I warned you.” She let out a laugh before moving down the row of hangers, moving aside a rough looking jacket that could not be saved. She had already found a few things for herself and Alex, and was beginning to look for Kaden, just as a means to let him know that she was grateful he was around. With her basket of findings hanging over her arm, she sighed as she moved away from the lost causes. 

The last time she and Ryan had run into each other, he had seen her slipping something into her bag. Instead of saying anything, he turned a blind eye and had asked about the sweater he was currently wearing. Andy picked out another jacket that looked a little too small for Kaden and held it up to Ryan with a tilt of her head. “This is more in line with the trends, I think. That still matters, right?” Not that she would know– she never had much of a life that existed within said trends.

Ryan had certainly gotten better at taking over Rays body since the first time. And the first time had been months ago, back when he’d first bumped into Andy actually. She’d let all his odd mannerisms pass her by as he fought to keep control. Or perhaps she was being kind because he’d not said a single word about her pinching something off the racks. Who was he to judge, he was stealing someone else's life at the moment after all. He’d even given her his real name, a mistake he hadn’t made since then, but it made him feel so normal to see her. So he’d come back thrifting often, getting into the habit not only to potentially run into a prospective friend but also to indulge in the more outdated clothes places like these held…clothes that reminded him of his own style before he’d died.

“Can’t hurt to look a little older right? More respect from the oldies on the street this way.” Ryan shot back with a cheeky grin. He held out both arms when the jacket was lifted to Rays form, letting her size him up. “I’d say it depends on your aims, are you trying to be trendy or do you prefer comfy? Or maybe you even want to look at little aged.” he teased her slightly. “What are you looking for today anyway? Anything specific?” Looking back to the racks he started to shuffle the fabric around.

“I mean, I guess?” Andy arched a brow at Ryan’s comment, not truly understanding him, but deciding not to fight him on whatever respect he wanted to delve out in the form of a sweater that looked like it’d been from a vintage magazine. “Is that the grandpa sweater thing? I think I saw that on tik tok, teens just going thrifting for the sake of finding old people’s sweaters they either donated or were forced to donate, if you know what I mean.” The whole concept was kind of sad. 

“But obviously comfort is key, anything else, and what the hell is the point?” Even if Andy had lived a different life— one with normalcy like a regular education, a high school education, she would have preferred comfort to style any day. It showed in the dungarees she wore and the way her converse were worn in. “Eh, nothing really, not for myself. For my sister.” She pulled a t-shirt off of the rack and quirked her lips to the side after noticing the bleach stain. “I could probably tie-dye this or something.” She’d done that a lot, in the past— to make it seem like she and Alex had new clothes. A new appearance could do wonders for the grueling day-to-day they once lived. “What about you? Out here for more grandpa sweaters?”

“They’re doing that? That’s a bit offensive…I’m not a grandpa and I like this sweater.” Ryan pouted a little. But if he really thought about it, at least a familiar style was coming back into style, it’d be easier to act more of this time if he spent some of Rays money on anything. Casting an eye around he wondered if any of his old stuff would surface in a thrift like this. Maybe his parents had donated all of his things, maybe his roommate back in college had stolen a few things that didn’t fit anymore. He hadn’t really thought about it too much.

“What sort of thing does your sister like? Is she all for comfort over style as well?” Ryan let Rays face bloom into a smile. “Now tie-dye is something I can get behind.” he complemented. “Oh nothing specific, but also something very specific…you know…the usual thrifting situation.” he joked shuffling through the racks idly, just happy to be chatting. “Maybe I can help you look for something…or cause a distraction?” he said, amusing himself quietly and flashing a smile to Andy to show he meant no harm.

The way that Ryan seemingly fell into thought wasn’t lost on Andy. She watched him for a moment, but decided that asking him why it seemed like he’d seen a ghost was pushing too far past any kind of private barrier that’d been set up. She knew she had her own, and the wall grew larger with every day. Who was she to ask her new thrifting-friend what was going on in his head? “Being a grandpa is in though, remember?” She grinned at him before pushing the t-shirt back onto the rack, deciding that the beach stain was in too weird of a position for it to be redeemed by a tie-dye job.

“She wears a lot of… t-shirts.” That didn’t really help at all, but did it matter? Before they’d gotten to Wicked’s Rest– before Andy had gotten a proper job, they simply got what they could afford. Now that they both had a means of income, even if it were on the smaller side, they were better able to express themselves in their style. “Think of a hiker, then think of somebody who plays soccer?” She let out a laugh before moving onto the next t-shirt. At Ryan’s question, Andy rolled her eyes. “Yeah, ha-ha, funny. I’d do that even without your distraction, thanks!” She leaned against the rack and stared across to the other side of the aisle where a pair of denim cargo shorts stood out to her. “Had no clue they made those in denim.” 

She brought Ryan out of his thoughts with her comment and he felt a small tremor shake Rays body as if he’d lost a bit of his control being so lost in thought. Wiggling his fingers as discreetly as he could he pulled another sweater off the rack and shook it at her in mock outrage. “Damn right it’s back in. It should have never left. It’s the perfect style if I do say so myself.” Shaking off his melancholy thoughts he dove back into the task at hand.

Ryan glances at Andy with a slight raise of Ray's eyebrows at her less than descriptive answer. Even as she expands he doesn’t quite know what to do with that sort of information. “They don’t really go together in my head I’ll be honest. But I can try my best to match the idea.” he chuckles, starting to search for some sort of jersey, or maybe a t-shirt with a funny caption on the front. That was hiking attire as far as he was concerned. “Ah but think about how much more you could get with a little more time and effort.” he waggled Ray's eyebrows another time for good measure before following her gaze towards the denim. “Everything should be denim, all things deserve a denim twin. Full denim is what you should get your sister. That’s proper hiking clothes, durable and versatile. Would she suit it?...who am I kidding, anyone would suit denim on denim.” he walked around the racks and found a denim jacket to vaguely match the shorts.

“No, they go together. I think you just need to see her, or it, in action.” Andy had figured out her sister’s style and that it wasn’t too far from her own. While Andy wore a lot more overalls than Alex did, they had been able to exchange shirts back and forth for the most part since the height difference didn’t matter quite as much. At the mention of denim on denim, Andy shook her head with a laugh. “Hell no. Do you know how much denim makes you sweat? Please don’t tell me you’re hiking in denim.” She scrunched her nose and pulled at the nylon t-shirt. “This is better than denim.” 

Even though he’d clearly been joking, she couldn’t get the idea out of her head. “Hey, don’t they call that something? Canadian tuxedos, or something?” She swore she had heard the saying before. When, she wasn’t sure– possibly on the television in a motel room or something. Who the hell knew. Andy put the shirt back onto the rack and hummed under her breath. “I don’t know anything about style, really, but I do know that that jean jacket you’ve got in your hands? An eye sore.” 

“Whatever you say,” Ryan agreed idly as he’d shifted the racks in order to find what he was looking for. He lowered his prize at her displeased face. Denim on Denim wasn’t coming back? But sweaters were? God what were kids his age in this decade even doing. He didn’t think the kids at the college looked too terrible, but they were clearly missing some of the real flare of the last few decades. “I only hike in denim.” he pouted at her rebelliously, not telling the truth but not willing to let this issue pass by.

“Do they?” Ryan asked curiously. He’d not heard that, but then again it seemed he’d missed a lot in the darkness before he’d found Ray to possess. He recoiled dramatically and clutched the jacket to Ray’s chest. “No way. A masterpiece, I’m going to wear this every day from now on and you can’t stop me.” he jutted out Ray’s chin and took the coat off the hanger. He looked at it for only half a second to register that it was indeed a womens small before he put a great deal of effort putting arms into the sleeves and trying his very best to get it over broader shoulders than he was used to on his old body. 

“You sound like my little sister.” Really, he seemed her age, too, which meant that in theory, he should be able to help her with the current trends, but with his grandpa sweater on, Andy wasn’t all too sure he knew them much himself. “You only hike in denim?” She arched a brow and shook her head with a laugh. “Sure, and I’m sure you wear clogs while doing it, right?” Wearing denim while hiking wasn’t entirely unheard of, but it sounded uncomfortable. She only wore it when she knew she wouldn’t be outside a lot of the time, and out of anything, flour had an easier time coming out of her jeans than it did anything else. 

“They do. Is that not a thing anymore?” Andy questioned reality for a moment, thinking back to the show she’d seen it on, but she couldn’t recall the exact timing of it, or decade it had taken place in. “Maybe you can bleach it, make it look a little bit acid wash, really fall into the vibe you’re obviously trying to set for yourself.” She watched him as he started to put the jacket on, and it was then that she noticed it was going to be way too small for him. Andy snorted before stuffing a t-shirt that looked okay enough for Kaden into the basket. “You know, I don’t think that being able to make things larger in the washer machine works, just the shrinking thing.” Which she’d done a lot of, if she were being honest. 

“Of course I wear denim, it’s all about the warmth and durability of your clothing on the open trail.” Ryan insists. He’s definitely joking, Ray doesn’t own a denim jacket, and he wasn’t quite ready to start financially running the kid just yet. At least not on something like that. He was fine with hoodies for the moment. “Clogs? We all have our limits. Clogs might be mine. Are you saying you have seen someone in clogs recently? Is it your sister? Is that why she won’t wear denim on denim?” He teased making a face at her as if this was the more horrific news he’d heard recently. 

Not willing to give up so easily, he tried to turn Ray’s shoulders this way and that in order to squeeze every millimeter of him into the jacket. It was very much not working. But Ryan was having fun trying. “Are you kidding, this is my exact size, I’m but a tiny little guy. The smallest guy around, I’m a small I swear I am.” he insisted. At some point his grip on the fabric slipped and he was unable to reach the ends of the jacket anymore. It was sticking up at the back like some sort of tiny cape in the breeze, except it had also trapped his arms and elbows to his sides. He was pinned. Not willing to admit defeat, he turned around like nothing was wrong and nodded at the t-shirt she’d found. “A good find? Is that your sister's style?”

“I can’t argue against that, considering the amount of times I’ve used jeans as a blanket.” She paused for a second before picking back up, “I sometimes get lazy and forget my comforter in the dryer.” That was a lie, but Ryan didn’t need to know that. Andy squinted at Ryan with a raised brow at the mention of clogs. “You know, I think she might be the kind of person to be into clogs. They might make her taller.” Andy was only about five inches taller than Alex, but she sure held it over her sister’s head. In fact, it was the only thing she held over Alex’s head. 

Andy leaned against the clothing rack as she watched Ryan attempt to fit the jacket the rest of the way over his shoulders. It looked like the seams would pop in protest at any moment. “Yeah, you definitely are. Got the t-rex arms going on and everything.” She pointed out the fact that his elbows hadn’t even reached through to where they should have been. It was an occurrence she faced often– getting too toned for some of her favorite jackets. She hoped it never looked this comical. “You should get it, I think you look great in it.” Andy grinned at Ryan before turning her attention back to the t-shirts. “A good find, something that doesn’t have holes in it, and something that will make her feel good, yes. I guess. That pretty much sums it up.” She shot a look at Ryan who was still stuck in the jacket. “I think you ripped it at the back.” It was a lie, but she wanted to cause him even further defeat, just as a means of having fun.

Ryan paused for a second and turned to give Andy his full attention after hearing her words, and then she clarified and he averted Ray’s eyes. Was she a liar? Perhaps. Was HE a liar? Definitely, so who was he to try and pry and judge. They were only acquaintances after all, just friends of the thieving kind. “Aren’t…” he hesitated for another moment wondering if he was going to sound crazy, he really was still only learning the trends these days. “Aren’t crocodiles technically clogs? You know that squishy shoe people like?”

“Yeah if you’re not wearing your jackets with t-rex arms what are you even doing, clearly nothing good. You should really get yourself sorted, you know.” Ryan laughed a little when she played along and agreed. “Maybe I will.” He scanned Ray’s eyes over the racks and nudged a few more shirts up towards where Andy was looking through for her sister. It sounded like she was making a good attempt to cheer her sister up if he had the right end of the stick at least. He was willing to help any way he could, even if it was being an accomplice to more crime. What would he care anyway, if they got caught it’d be Ray going down for it, he was sure the kid could figure that out for them. A small shiver of worry filled his soul as she mentioned ripping the back. Maybe he WOULD be the one taking something today. “You’re kidding right?” he said, trying to look over at the back of the jacket unsuccessfully. He then attempted to remove his arms to get it off…and could’t. He shot her an imploring look. “Help.”

“You can’t wear crocodiles.” It took her a moment to realize that he had meant the shoe, after he clarified. “Oh! Well, maybe?” She knew that crocs were expensive, but maybe she could either find a discounted pair or a knock-off brand and gift them to Alex. Andy knew that they had charms, too. She’d seen a girl with them once and had commented on the rainbow flag. The girl lit up like the fourth of July at being recognized. It made Andy feel good. 

Andy rolled her eyes, a small smile curving at the corners of her lips. Ryan reminded her of Alex a little. Nothing in the appearance (clearly), but in their mannerisms. Alex was a little more cold towards people she didn’t know, but that came with the territory of what they’d been through. Andy was far more outgoing, and even it was a stretch to claim that she was at all. “You got me there. Maybe you should get one of those masks, too. Like at a costume shop.” She continued to look through the rack only to admit defeat a couple of seconds later. There was nothing else good that anyone in the house would appreciate. When Ryan asked for help after struggling to look over his own arched shoulder, Andy snorted. “Yeah, yeah.” She set her basket down and helped Ryan out of the jacket. She held it out for him to take after they’d gotten it off his arms. 

“You should try to go smaller, I bet those would fit great. Like a kid’s shirt.” Andy picked her basket back up and turned her attention to a different rack– overalls, she could use another pair. 

Having decided that perhaps one instance of being trapped for the day was enough Ryan found the empty hanger for the denim jacket again and hung it back amongst the other clothes. “As much as it’s the fashion I don’t think I could spring for a coat like that. Someone will have to bring back denim on denim without me until his next paycheck.” As he said this his phone lit up in his pocket. He pulled it out and cringed visibly, unable to smooth that over if she’d seen he spoke quickly so as to avoid suspicion. That had been Ray’s co-worker at the restaurant texting him to remind him of a swapping of shifts. Not one to completely ruin his host's life Ryan would have to give control of the body back as soon as possible to let the kid earn money. “Ah damn I forgot I had a shift at work.” Ryan explained quickly to Andy. Sliding the phone back into his pocket Ryan flashes her a smile. “Happy hunting? I’ve got to run. See you next time!” 

Ryan didn’t wait for much of a response before heading for the door. If anyone watched him closely as he made his way down the street his whole body shuddered through a few steps before he blinked… or rather Ray blinked. He was dazed and confused looking down at the phone in his hands open on a text. Right. Work. Got it.

Andy frowned. “So much for the Canadian tuxedo.” She flicked through a few more items, watching Ryan out of the corner of her eye as he took out his phone. He looked visibly uncomfortable with whatever was reflecting on the screen back at him, but Andy didn’t think anything of it. “Oh–” She turned around to watch Ryan as he ducked out of the shop, not giving her any time to give him a send off. He was a weird kid and kind of funny. For once, she was glad that there was nothing inherently supernatural about him– it was easy to get lost in a conversation without the constant reminder that she was the predator and those around her were unknowingly prey. “See ya.” Andy muttered under her breath as she turned around to continue shopping. 

[cinnamon-bebe]

Chemtrails (Pedro Pascal x Fem!Reader)

Chemtrails (Pedro Pascal X Fem!Reader)

Summary: "If you died today, would you be happy with the life you've lived?" What happens when you've sacrificed your love for fame and fortune? Despite the glitz and glamour, the Reader is all Pedro can think about. The stars have never been on your side but can you rewrite the plans they have for you?

Warning: Angst, Fluff, Occasional Cursing

Inspired by the song Chemtrails Over the Country Club by Lana Del Rey

"I'm on the run with you, my sweet love

There's nothing wrong contemplating God

Under the chemtrails over the country club"

"Baby what's your sign?"

"You're in the wind, I'm in the water

Nobody's son, nobody's daughter

Watching the chemtrails over the country club"

Pedro's POV

The chatter of a hundred people and yet I still only hear your voice. Memories of your words, from years past.

You asked me what my sign was, I told you I was an Aries. You laughed and told me we shouldn't be friends, the stars say so. The stars say we're incompatible, we'd be at each other's throats. I'm a fire sign and you didn't need any more drama. I kissed you for the first time and told you I'd prove you wrong, you simply smiled and looked off to the chemtrails that flew over us.  

Memories from years past.

I didn't have much to offer you but I told you that you could take my word. At that time, it was worth more than anything I could have given you.

"You want me to defy the stars?" You raised an eyebrow, a smile teasing your face.

"The stars can go fuck themselves." I told you and kissed you again.

We were so young. We were nobodies. Running through the concrete jungle, with your hand in mine. Sun dress and kisses at midnight convenience stores, splitting a hot dog on a summer day because we needed money for the show at 7.

We used to contemplate the meaning of life over a bottle on our little balcony. I asked you if you were happy and you smiled but did not reply.

"If you died today, would you be happy with the life you've lived?" You asked me instead.

"No." I told you. "There's so much more I want to do. I want to be somebody."

I didn't know it then but that was the moment I started to lose you.

Memories from years past.

I find myself sitting at a restaurant now, with more money to line my pockets, pats on the back from strangers. People know my name and it comes out in whispers, as they stare over their expensive plate, getting cold just to catch a glimpse of me.

A beautiful woman sits across from me. As if a movie star isn't a big enough draw, a woman like her only invites more gazes. She looks like she'd just stepped off a screen herself. She gives me all her attention, so much so that she does not register the envious stares from the others around her.

Her lips are moving, perhaps a funny anecdote came to mind or is she telling me about her sister's wedding again that she mentioned before?  I cannot tell you, for my mind is elsewhere, with someone else.

"So would you like to come?" She smiles brightly at me, her perfect teeth sitting between her lips, painted in a dusty pink.  

"Huh?" I snap out of my daze, embarrassed that I was clearly not paying attention.

"Jule's wedding, did you...want to be my date for the day?" She blushes, hopeful.

"Oh. I...uh. I don't know Kate. I have a pretty packed schedule coming up, I don't know if I'll have time." I try to make up an excuse.

"It's too early isn't?" She bites her lip sheepishly. "I'm sorry, I know we've only been dating for a few weeks, I shouldn't have sprung this up on you so fast."

"No no, please don't be silly. I love weddings!" I try to laugh it off. "It's just that, with the new movie coming up, I need to start preparing before we go into production."

"I understand." She nods with a smile, "Comes with the territory when you're dating a big movie star I guess." She looks at me, I'm not sure if she's anticipating a response but I reciprocate with a grin and wave at the waiter for another drink.

Soon enough, she excuses herself from the table to go to the ladies room and I'm left sitting alone at our spot. I grow tiresome of the incessant chattering from the tables around me and I massage the temples of head, wishing I was at home in the comfort of my bed with just the company of my television.

I see glances from a small table to the side of me, a group of young women clearly too shy to ask for a photograph, egging each other on to make the first move over to me. Their hopes quickly dashed as I feel a firm hand on my shoulder, turning me around.

"Pedro?" A familiar voice calls my name.

"Anthony! Fancy seeing you here!" My eyes widen as I pull an old friend down for a hug.

"It's my anniversary with Charlize, we're just celebrating! God I haven't seen you for so long!" He shakes his head, slowly looking me up and down, examining my so-called transformation. I've aged so much since we last we saw each.

"How long have you been here?" I ask.

"A couple of hours, I actually saw you before but I..uh...I didn't want to interrupt your date."

Date? I swallow the word whole.

"You lucky man. She's very pretty." He comments.

"Yeah, she is."

"You could seem a bit more interested though but those are Charlize's words, not mine." He raises his hands up, letting his wife take the blame.

"I must seem like an ass, don't I?" Poor Kate, how spoilt am I to show a woman like her so little interest. "I haven't dated for so long, it's just hard getting back into the scene that's all."

Anthony let's out an inaudible "oh" and I know he's thinking the same thing, I can practically hear the name sitting on his tongue, desperately wanting to come out. 

"How is Y/N?" I break the ice, allowing the elephant in the room an escape before he suffocates along with me.

"She's good, very good actually. She's a documentary film maker now. Her work is amazing, you'd love it." Anthony couldn't help his excitement when speaking about you and I feel an intense pang of sadness and jealousy seeing his eyes light up. To see you, celebrate you. I wonder if you've aged like me or do you still look the same as how I remember. Do you still crinkle your nose every time you hear a bad joke? Do your eyes still get red and glassy when you look at the sky because you're wondering if anyone's looking down on you? I wish I knew.

"Listen, I have to go." Anthony looks back at his wife who gives me a polite wave from a distance.

"It was really good seeing you Anthony, I'm sorry we haven't spoken all these years. It's just with work..." I recycle that old excuse again.

"Don't worry about it...you made it! I know you worked really hard to get where you are now. I know you had to make a lot of sacrifices..." The last sentence, spoken so softly, it was almost drowned out. "I'm genuinely happy for you."

I nod, giving my friend one last hug before I ready for him to turn and leave, instead he hesitates and looks at me.  

"Hey Pedro?"

"Yeah?"

"She still lives in the neighbourhood." He looks down at the scarf in his hand before patting me on my arm. "Just so you know."

With that, he waves me goodbye. Walking back to his wife, who he wraps his arm around. The way she naturally rests into him and slips her hand into his coat pocket as they exit the restaurant, I wonder if I'd ever have that level of intimacy with Kate.  

__________________________________________________

I sent her home in a taxi. "I have an early morning and need to prep for some meetings", my excuse for her this time. Kate's disappointed expression, as I gave her a kiss on the cheek is the last thing on my mind.

Scuffing the cap of my leather shoes, I kick at the pavement. The world moves past me as I hide myself in the bubble of my thoughts. I have no sense of direction, my legs taking me to no intended destination, only letting the neon lights around guide me to where it desires.

Anthony's words were still ringing in my ears.

Would you want to see me?

My mind reminds me of the last time we were together.

"I don't know how much longer I can keep doing this, if I don't leave the city now, I may never get my chanc-"

"Get your chance to do what? Be a star?" You were sat deep in the corner of the sofa, far from me. Your voice calm and monotonous as you watched me pace up and down our tiny apartment. I couldn't decipher your expression, it was as if you knew what I was going to say.

"I want to make something out of my life! I want to prove to everyone and myself that I can make it Y/N. I don't want to waste my life away." I moved towards you, our presence separated by the little vintage coffee table I hated but still bought home because you loved it so much.

"Well then go, I don't want to hold you back from chasing your dreams."

"Y/N-"

"No. It's okay Pedro. I understand...I really do. I don't want to stop you from pursuing what you love." You got up from your spot, you seemed so small to me as you closed the gap between us. Your hand felt so light against my face, like you were disappearing before me. "Don't live in regret because of me."

"Y/N come wi-" I tried to hold you, hold you before you evaporated.

"No. My place is here." You took your hand away, moved back, the space between us grew more and more distant. "I don't have big dreams like you do. I like normality. I like living my life however I want it, do whatever I want, whenever I want. You asked me if I was happy...and I am."

"Would you still be happy without me?"

I stared at you. My gut sank because I already knew this was the end. You didn't have to tell me.

"I don't know..." You managed to smile, even through the gentle tears that formed in your eyes. "But I know you would be without me."

"That's not true." I tried to reach for you but you pulled away.

"We're very different people Pedro...I told you, we're incompatible. It's time we listened to the stars."

My thoughts are suddenly interrupted as I feel a hand rest softly on the small of my back.

"Hello sir, would you like to buy a rose?" An elderly woman smiles up at me. A child stands obediently nearby, holding a bouquet of individually wrapped stems, clearly past his bedtime but still helping Grandma late at night. The child looks tired, sad. Judging by the number of roses still in his hands, they must have had an unlucky day.

"How much for one?" I return her kind smile, taking out my wallet.

"$2. Thank you, thank you so much sir." The old woman sighs in relief calling the child over to bring the flowers for me to pick. Each stem had a handwritten tag with various cheesy sentiments adorned.

....A kiss in exchange for a rose...

...You're more beautiful than any flower but here's one to show you my love anyway...

....Would you be my Valentine?...

....Please forgive me, I was an idiot.

I chuckle at the last one before picking a rose at random.

I take out $100 and watch the old lady's eyes panic as she reaches in her purse to find change. Taking her hand firmly in mine, I assure her it wasn't necessary.

"I'll take one rose for the $100. You keep the rest of the flowers and have a good night okay?"

The woman looks at the child with her mouth agape and then back at me, clearly taken aback by the gesture.

"Sir, are you sure?"

"Yes, take the kid home and get some rest. This one rose itself is worth every dollar." I pat her hand which trembles in mine.

"Thank you! Thank you! Bless you and the woman who receives your rose!"

Taking the child's hand they quickly walk away, whispering to each other and disappearing into the night.

I stare at the flower in my hand and bring it closer to my face, studying the message on the tag.

...Let's defy the stars and write our own destiny.

I stand in the dark of night, illuminated only by the cafe lights ready to turn off for the day. My hand grips the stem as if it weighed a hundred tons yet afraid it would float away like a feather. The frantic honking of the traffic seems to taunt me, the laughter from the bars nearby seem to be mocking this idiot of a man standing in the middle of the streets, holding a flower he paid $100 for.

"Just do it!" I hear a young boy shout at his friend attempting a skateboard trick up the block.

Just do it. I repeat to myself. Just fucking do it.

"Taxi!"

 _________________________________________________

I remember these steps, we used to sit here with the neighbours' kids. Charlie, I think that was his name? I remember little Charlie proposing to you with a plastic ring and threatening to get his kindergarten buddies on me, simply for existing. I can't help but laugh at that memory.

Everyone was in love with you, the young, the old. They couldn't help but fall for your charms, your kindness, the way you'd smile at them even if you've never spoken a word to each other. Everyone was under your spell, including me.

You told me you loved me on these steps.

I had gotten back from a bad audition and couldn't bear to go home to you. I sat here for hours until you saw me from the balcony and came down. You didn't ask me anything. You just sat with me as we watched the kids run up and down the block, racing each other, teasing each other. I looked at you and you gave me a kiss on the nose.

"I love you."

You said it so quietly at first that I pretended I didn't I understand.

You rolled your eyes and pulled my face into yours, telling me you loved me over and over again as you smothered me with your kisses.

That was one of the happiest moments of my life.

Walking past our faded figures, I enter the building and see that nothing has changed.

The walls were the same duck egg green. The bulletin board covered in layers of flyers and advertisement, some new, with plenty dated months back. I wouldn't be surprised if the audition ads I tried out for from years ago were still there.

The smell of various cuisines mingle together to form its own unique indecipherable aroma.

A comforting aroma.

I look to the elevator, still out of order. Obviously.

We only lived on the third floor, the stairs will be fine.

I prepare myself for the incline when a voice calls out to me.

"Where are you going?"

I turn around and see our old building superintendent, decked out in his uniform. Stanley.

"Stan! It's me Pedro! Wow, you're still here!" I walk to him.

"Who?" He looks me up and down, completely confused as to who the hell I am.

"Pedro from 3B upstairs? I used to live with Y/N...maybe you don't remember me because of the moustache." I rub the bottom of my nose sheepishly.

"No...I don't remember you."

Old Stanley, perhaps age is catching up to him.

"I'm just going to see Y/N." I try to resume my journey but he stops me once more.

"No entry into the building if you're not a resident!" He points to the sign on the wall.

"Since when was that a rule?" I throw my hand in the air.

"Since today. We have too many unsavoury men try to come into the building, how do I know if you really know Miss Y/L/N? I'm not letting any potential predators or burglars into the building."

"But Stan she-"

Pointing to the sign on the wall again, he raises an angry brow. Not wishing a full body beat down by ol' Stan, I take myself back out the building like a bad dog.  

I sit on the steps, sighing in defeat. I try to convince myself that coming here is a mistake.

"Defy the stars...pfft! You've been in way too many movies Pedro." I mumble to myself, as I dig my thumb nail into the stem of the rose.

Perhaps we're only given the choice to rewrite our destiny but it doesn't mean destiny would just sit idly by and let you do whatever you want. It's probably for the best. What would I say anyway?

Running my hand through my hair, I get up to leave. The adrenaline from earlier had drained so quickly out of me, that its left me a fatigued mess. Move on Pedro, it's time to go home.

"Hey movie star." A voice calls from above. "You looking for me?"

Your hair falls past your face as you lean over the balcony and in that moment I feel my heart break into a million pieces.

There you are.

Standing before me, even more beautiful than when you left, if that is even possible.

You're wearing a simple white vest and grey shorts, one leg rubbing softly against the other. Your skin bears the warm orange glow reflected from the lights inside your apartment.

You look so raw, so delicate.

Every pulse in my body aches seeing you again.

"Wow." I breathe. "You look..."

You hide your laugh and I can see you blushing from behind your hand.

"Thanks. You look great too. I'm like the...um..." You rub under your nose with your finger.

"Thank you, I grew it out for a role but now people tell me I look like their grandma without it." I shrug, much to your amusement.

"What are you doing here?" You speak, more softly, more seriously.

How do I even respond to this question? I was out on a date with another woman but I bumped into our old friend who told me I should find you? Or should I go with I met an old woman and her kid, who I'm pretty sure were cupid's little minions, sent down to earth to give me a rose and to fuck with me?

"I was just in the neighbourhood. I wanted to see if you wanted to um...go out for a coffee?" I lie.

You look at me incredulously, clearly seeing through my bullshit.

"Everything is shut by now." You simply respond.

"Oh...well maybe we can just talk then?"

You tap the metal rails, where you lay your arms. Are you contemplating whether to come down or throw a bucket of water over me? I guess I'll have to wait and see.

Without saying a word, you disappear out of sight. The lights in your apartment switches off.

What does this mean? Are you off to bed?

Before I could ruminate any more, the doors open from behind me and you slip through.

God, you look even better up close.

My hands instinctively reach out to touch you but I withdraw quickly before you could see. You had wrapped yourself in a fleecy blanket, the threads a deep purple.

Without saying a word, you sit down on the step and I can only follow suit, my mind can no longer make decisions for itself it seems.

You smell the same, that same soft floral scent I used to love. The one I used to breathe in when I'd hold you close to me in bed because I didn't want you to leave for work.

Our knees are so close, they almost touch.

"So what did you want to talk about?"

For a minute I don't know how to respond, I just don't want to stop looking at you.

"I was...I was wondering if you were thinking about me?"

You laugh, I laugh too. Of course you weren't.

"I think about you all the time." You tell me so casually, it catches me off guard.

"You do?" I whisper in disbelief.

"It's hard not to when you're on every other billboard in the city."

Oh.

"I think about you all the time too Y/N."

You smile and look up at the sky. The night is aligned with many stars tonight and they all call for your attention but mine. I feel greedy staring at you but I'm simply making up for all the nights that I was alone without you, all those kisses I've shared with women that weren't you.

"What do you think the stars are telling us tonight?" I ask.

You grin and without looking back at me, you say "I think the stars are laughing at us."

"Do you think the stars have changed their mind about us?"

You finally turn to me, your eyes drop. "I don't think that's how it works Pedro."

"If this is the life the stars have planned for me, a life without you, then I don't want it Y/N."

"Pedro-"

"I thought if I made a name for myself, if people knew who I was, then I'd be sure of who I am...but who I'm meant to be, who I want to be...is to be with you." Your eyes meet mine, coloured with emotions you are scared to express. "I look for you everywhere I go Y/N, in every women I meet but you are always a world away."

"We don't even know each other anymore Pedro."

"You are the only one who has always known who I am, even before me Y/N. I'm still as strange and as wild as I have always been. I'm still as messy and as clumsy as I was before. I still love cheap corner store liquor and dancing terribly in public. I still look at chemtrails whenever they past me...because they remind me of you."

"Chemtrails are bad for you, they say they're chemicals."  You tell me, your voice low and expressionless.

"If I die with you as my last thought, it won't be so bad."

I finally find the courage to reach for you and you don't recoil from me, you let me gently run my finger against the hair that falls down past your face. You close your eyes and I selfishly take you, pulling you towards me.

I rest my forehead against yours and I savour this moment where I can be close to you and not let it be a memory.

"What if I've changed?" You whisper.

"Well then I'll spend the rest of my life getting to know you again."

"If I told you to run away with me tonight, would you?" You open your eyes to see me, your expression as serious as ever.

"You're my home Y/N. I'll go wherever you go. Even if it's to another galaxy, we'll drive a little red Corvette into space together and leave this all behind."

You smile and tug on the bottom of your lip. "You think the stars would still allow us to go to space?"

"Fuck the stars." I say as I take your lips.

Oh, how I've missed the sweetness of your taste; in this moment you are spoiling me rotten. You wrap your arms around me and allow the blanket to drop from your shoulders. The only stars that mattered now are those in our eyes. They're telling me the future and it's you. It's always been you.

The sirens of the city and the plane overhead may be loud but I hear nothing over the sound of your heart beat.

You pull away and we both laugh.

In this moment, we are perfect. I am no longer the famous celebrity that belonged to everyone. I am not a son and you are no one's daughter.

We only belong to each other.

I see you shiver and look towards the door.

"Let's go inside." You get up and take my hand, guiding me back to our home. The one I've longed for ever since I left.

The building is quiet, everyone asleep by this hour but old Stan at his desk. I try to shuffle past as inconspicuously as I could, my hand entwine with yours.

"Welcome back Mr Pascal." Stanley greets us as clear as day, his head not even looking up from above his phone.

"Wha- so you do remember me!"

Sly old dog.

Stanley doesn't respond and concentrates on his screen instead.

You shake your head and pull me up the steps but not before I set down my lucky rose on the desk.

"Good night Stan."

I call out before I chase my love up the stairs, both of us ready to write our next chapter together. I don't know what it will entail but I know if you're in it, it will be the greatest adventure I'll ever take.

"Kids these days." Stan sighs, closing the article on his phone and clicking on a familiar app. Putting his feet up, he relaxes with a smile on his face as the Mandalorian theme song begins to play.

[rothjuje]

They’re STILL lighting fireworks. Super frustrating. My senior dog is following me everywhere, shaking, refusing to eat. They started on Thursday and it’s still going on Monday. I feel so bad for all the anxious pets, one night is bad enough. Next year I’m going to need to get the poor guy some sedatives. I would have done Benadryl but I’ve heard you’re not supposed to. Hopefully this is the last of it. It has to be, right? Fireworks were barely a thing in CA, they are huge out here.

I hate the 4th of July. For so many reasons.

July 4th was also the last time I saw my sister alive. 13 years ago now. How? I still remember that day perfectly. She wore a green tank with rhinestones and a white skirt. I wore a white shirt, long jean shorts, and platform sandals. We had both done our hair. I remember watching her and her husband thinking, “wow. She’s really grown up.” And it was the first time I felt like the little sister. I’m glad she got married young and got to have that experience.

Anyway.

Justin was forced to take vacation this week so my schedule is off and I’m all discombobulated. And he’ll be furloughed again next month. But he’s also in major denial and says his company is “doing great!” And “they’re hiring!” I know he doesn’t want to leave but it really is time. I’m really hoping they finish his background check this week so he can give his notice and we can get the ball rolling in either direction.

We’ve decided if we stay here no pool, we’ll save up for another year, then buy a second house/cabin. Or I guess we could just pay off this mortgage instead of buying a cheaper place outright.

I am driving everyone crazy with my hypothetical planning but it is the only thing quelling my anxiety.

If we move to MA, probably no second house because our mortgage will be double. I could also get my real estate license there.

About 6 months ago Justin said “you’re getting crazy ideas again. You’re trying to fill the baby void.” And I denied and denied but it’s true. I’m sitting here with hundreds of ideas (making a mini dance studio at our hypothetical MA house, looking up hardwood floors etc). Planning different rooms in my hypothetical B&B. Looking at greenhouses and pools and black and white checkered floors and vintage wallpaper. Looking up trucks and campers and trying to convince Justin to trade in his civic for a CR-V. Also daydreaming about having 6 kids. (I’m pretty sure I could convince Justin to have 5 but we’ll be done at 4).

My mind is idle. I will need to go back to work if we don’t have another baby. I will drive myself crazy.

I registered Alyssa for school. I guess my email is linked to our previous kiddos’ accounts. It was crazy seeing C and F’s names, K’s name, E’s name, L’s name. It made me so happy and so sad. I wonder where they are now. I hope they are safe and loved and happy.

[damn-stark]

Fire

Diego Hargreeves x Fem!reader

Requested by anon: “Can you do a season 1 Diego Hargreeves x female reader one-shot where reader is his girlfriend, is a forensic scientist and met him when he was a cop, was born on the same day as him but wasn’t adopted by Reginald and can control fire, and she’s there when he reunites with his siblings after Reginald dies and gives him a comforting hug from behind when he cries and stutters as he turns Grace off? She’s basically a real life firebender from Avatar: The Last Airbender.”

A/N- I’m going to have make this into two parts just cause I didn’t want to make one part too long and just rush this, so I hope you understand anon :)

Warning- slight violence, angst but also some fluff, swearing.

———-

“We're going now live to a breaking story…”

At the sound of the fanfare playing from the tv you quickly glance up from your work and briefly watch the screen playout, not paying much attention to it and turning back to your work, tuning out the news until moments later you see patch walk up to your desk and point out to the news they’re announcing.

“Isn’t that Diego’s dad?”

You look up and narrow your gaze on the screen waiting until the picture of who they were reporting popped up, making your lips part in surprise, “...the world's most eccentric and reclusive billionaire. Sir Reginald Hargreaves…”

“Oh no,” you stand from your desk and forget your work at that instant and instead think of someone else, “Diego.” You sigh and pull your jacket off your chair, and walk around your desk to share with Patch your brief comment, “I need to go.”

——

“Diego?” You push your room door open and poke your head inside the darkened room, creating a small fire flame on your palm that brightens the whole room, showing no sign of the man you were looking for.

Probably still out on his “vigilante” business.

Turning back around you head back into the living room in silence, going unaware of the man that had walked in, only being aware as he walked up before you, seeing Diego’s face suddenly basked by the light of the fire ignited on your palm.

His face is expressionless, but his shoulders were slumped. He takes his mask off and finally mutters, “did you hear the news?”

You respond with a simple nod and cup his cheek before you speak, “how are you doing?”

He shakes his head and throws his mask on the couch, huffing out heavily and pulling away from your touch to move past you as he replies loudly, his voice trailing off as he heads into the room, “I’m fine.”

You sigh, “he was your dad Diego, it’s okay to feel sad and grieve.” Putting the fire out you spin back around and go after him, seeing the lights go on as he begins to rummage through the closet. “I understand he was not a good dad to you, but he was still your...dad.”

Diego let’s silence take over and just stands up abruptly to move to the drawer and take a couple of things from it before he shoves it in his duffel bag.

“Which means,” you continue as you walk up behind and carefully wrap your arms around his shoulders, “you have to go.”

Diego exhales deeply and nods stiffly, “yeah...but only because I need to figure out what happened, make sure his death was what they said. Will you come with me?” He asks as he lifts his hand to grab yours.

You smile and respond softly, “of course. Plus it gives me a chance to finally meet your siblings.”

Diego scoffs, “not much there, but it gives you a chance to finally meet my mom.”

“Good!” You pull away and sit on the edge of the bed, “so are we gonna tell them of my powers?”

“If you want,” he adds, resuming what he was doing, “I guess you’re lucky my dad's dead, doesn’t give him a chance to try to recruit you as a member to test on you.”

Letting out a lighthearted huff of air you add, “what superhero name do you think I would've had if he did?”

“Probably number eight.” He remarks.

You narrow your gaze and shake your head, “no like a real one,” you stroke your cheek and pretend to think hard, your eyes brightening up as you come up with a name, “how about Ember?” You raise your eyebrows and grin. “What do you think?”

Diego walks up to you and jokes, “how about dork?”

You frown and throw a pillow at his face, “hilarious!”

He smiles as he catches the pillow, “ow.” He throws at the bed and raises his eyebrow, “how long have you been thinking of that name?”

You shrug all nonchalant, “just...thought of it.” You lie, leaving out that it’s been something you’ve come up with since you were young.

Diego chuckles but pretends to believe you, “whatever you say, get ready we leave early in the morning.”

——

“Nothing seems to be tampered with….” You report, looking away from the window and turning back to the desk to see Diego put something in his pocket, you walk closer and he just hastily turns to face you. “You find something?”

“No. Nothing.”

You hum and your eyes go to the door to see a young beautiful blond woman and a vintage looking dress stop at the door frame. A bright smile decorating her lips. Her eyes land on you and then on your boyfriend Diego, her lips parting to make herself known. “Diego, why didn’t you tell me you were coming? I would’ve made cookies.”

Diego turns to face the woman and he walks up to her, putting his hand on her shoulder and talks to her in a gentle manner, turning to present you. “Mom this is my girlfriend y/n. Y/N this is Grace, my mother.”

Her smile seems to turn even brighter and wider as her eyes seem to give a twinkle. If that even was possible for a robot to do—“oh, you’re so beautiful!”

You smile and greet her, “hello, it’s lovely to finally meet you, Diego talks highly about you.”

“It’s about time Diego brought a girl home. I was worried he would be too lonely.”

Diego scoffs and shakes his head, “mom.”

Before you could tease Diego, you notice Grace's eyes drift to the desk, her smile falters and her eyes focus on you again. “Who wants cookies?” Before Diego or you could answer she turns to walk away, humming a melody that echoed in the halls as she walked further away. Diego watched her intently, his eyebrows furrowing with concern. Waiting for a moment before he looked back to you.

“Come on, my siblings should be here in a bit.”

You nod, “okay.”

——

Going based on the things Diego would say about his siblings, and on what you would read and watch of them on the news when you were younger and they were still active superheroes; you were nervous to actually meet them to say the least. Even talking to Diego for the first time was a nervous moment, even more so because you had on a crush on him when you began working at the police department. Literally any time when you would even see him you would feel butterflies in your stomach.

You wouldn’t say you were a big super fan of the Umbrella Academy, but you admired them, mainly because they could show off and use their powers to fight all the bad guys on their adventures. All while you had to hide them, so “the old man on the t.v. won’t take you away”. It really sucked, knowing you were powered, knowing you were born on the same day but having to hide unlike them. Having to really go untaught. Your parents tried to teach you, mainly how to control them when your emotions got too high, but they could only do so much since they knew nothing of what was happening. It wasn’t really until after you showed Diego what you could do, did you really know more, it wasn’t a lot but it was more than what you knew before.

So for that you were thankful. For him.

“Don’t be nervous.” Diego tried to assure you after noticing your hesitation as you walked down the staircase. “They’re underwhelming.”

You frown, “you’re only saying that because they’re your siblings.”

He stops before he reaches the main doors to yet another big room in this huge house. “It’s exactly why I’m saying it.” He tries to offer you an assuring look before he finishes his comment. “You’ll be okay.”

You take a deep breath before breathing out your short answer. “Okay.” You stop and hesitate one more time before you could completely go in, overhearing as one Diego’s siblings asked him who he had been talking to just now. At first you thought he would just wait to answer, but he answered right away and a very simple way.

“My girlfriend.”

None of them said anything right away and definitely didn’t say anything as you finally walked inside. They all were expressing a form of shock, almost as if it were impossible for Diego to have such a thing. It wasn’t until one of them, a man with long hair at the bar broke the silence with a very warm and exciting greeting.

“Hello! It’s so nice to finally meet you! I thought the day would never come.”

The corner of your lips turned slightly, but not fully because it was doubtful Diego had ever talked to any of his siblings since you began dating or at all actually until today; which meant that none of them would know about you.

“Okay.” Diego sighed as he shot the same man an odd look. “Well, that’s Klaus,” his eyes drift to the two girls and he points to them, “she’s Alison and that’s Vanya.” He turns and points to the tall, very muscular man. “And that’s Luther.” Said man offered you a tight lipped smile while Alison said a simple, “hi, it’s so nice to meet you.” And Vanya just said very shyly, “hi.”

Your smile widens but it’s still very timid, “I’m y/n, it’s nice to finally meet you guys, Diego talks a lot about you guys.”

Allison blinked in genuine surprise before she looked to Diego in shock, “oh, really? Who would’ve thought.”

Diego rolls his eyes and just adds, “she has abilities just like us, born on the same day and everything.”

“Really?” Luther finally spoke up, stepping up closer to Diego and you.

You nod, “yes, I can manipulate fire and make it myself.”

“Oh like from the cartoon with the little bald kid?” Klaus questioned curiosity before taking a drink from his beverage.

Your lips part to argue, but you find that he’s actually right. “Uh, yes actually.”

“I thought we were the only ones.” Alison queried, “dad never told us there was more.”

Diego scoffs, “I don’t know how you find that at all surprising. He was not a good man.”

“Diego,” Luther warned.

Said man's head snapped around and his eyebrows furrowed, “don’t defend him and pretend he was. He—”

“Diego.” You snapped, “don’t. Not now.” He met your eyes and huffed before he took a seat, creating a painfully awkward silence in the room that you noticed as you sat down too. None of them spoke up, or had the thought to apologize, they let it pass and only Luther dared to speak up moments later. A genuine question that too quickly turned into an argument amongst them, one you chose to stay out of and watch from your side of the couch. It was short and wasn’t as bad as he would say it would go, but it was still torture hearing them, which made you grateful to be told to go several minutes later.

Not that it was any better, Diego stayed quiet most of the time, his mind seemed to be somewhere else as his body was physically here. But you also didn’t want to bug him, he said he wasn’t affected by his father's death but he was here so...you let him have his time, he always ended up talking sometime or the other. But maybe that time wasn’t going to come anytime soon due to some blue rumbling portal opening that resulted in dropping someone Diego said was his brother. The same one with the portrait in that huge room.

It was overall to put in the fewest words crazy. And even if your curiosity was killing you about what the heck really happened, you chose to stay out of that reunion and joined when it was finally time for the funeral outside under the oak tree as Luther had put it. Putting aside the fact that it was stormy and their no actual leaves on the tree. Hmm.

Regardless you stayed close to Diego, interlacing your hand with his and feeling his unease as he stood there and heard Pogo begin to give a heartfelt speech. A moment that was ruined by Diego finally releasing what he’s been dying to say. “He was a monster.” Klaus laughed and you sighed, muttering his name as a warning, but that did not stop him as he continued. “He was a bad person and a worse father. The worlds better off without him.”

“Diego.” Allison sharply interjected.

“My name is number two.” Diego remarked, “you know why? Because our father couldn’t be bothered to give us actual names. He had mom do it.”

“Diego!” You snapped, earning nothing as he ignored you and Grace interrupted like if nothing were happening.

“Would anybody like something to eat?”

“No, it’s okay mom.” Vanya replied.

“Oh, okay.”

“Look, you want to pay your respects?” Diego pulled away and stepped to the center of the gathered group; “but at least be honest about the kind of man he was.”

“You should stop talking now.” Luther warned.

“You know, you of all people should be on my side, Number one.”

You huffed and crossed your arms on your chest, “Diego, please drop it.”

“No, just listen.”

Luther seethed, “I’m warning you.”

Diego continued pressing on the matter, “after everything he did to you? He had to ship you a million miles away.”

“Diego, stop talking.” Luther snarled.

“That’s how much he couldn’t stand the sight of you!” Diego bellowed, pressing an accusing finger on Luther's chest, making said man finally snap and punch his arm before he swung. A move Diego luckily dodged but didn’t stop and instead continued, both men ending up fist fighting in the courtyard and ruining the day.

Neither of them listened to the calls to stop either, they both continued like children. Making Pogo walk off out of anger and Five to do the same but in more of an annoyance. It wasn’t until Luther broke a statue did they break apart and made Alison walk away, whilst Diego pulled out one of his knives making you hold onto your breath and finally gasping as he threw it and the blade scratched Luther's arm. It stayed silent for a moment as they tried to process what happened, but it was also then that Diego was going to go in again, that you finally created a narrow fire blade that created a drift between the two. An action that made Diego look at you wide eyed. Surprised that you would do that.

All you did was respond with a glare before you took Grace's arm and softly told her to come with you inside. She smiled and accepted.

Just as you passed Diego you stopped and shot him a quiet but angry comment. “Unbelievable.”

He tried to grab your arm to stop you, but you pulled away and added one more thing before heading inside. “Don’t. Talk to me when you’ve calmed down.”

Diego sighed, but didn’t try to argue. Instead he watched as the fire went out as you walked inside with his mother in hand.

[stusbunker]

AGA: Word to the Wise

A Supernatural Fan-fiction Denny AU Series

Featuring: Dean Winchester/Benny Lafitte, past Dean/Jo

Other characters: Sam, Bobby, Cas, Mick, Ash, Jo

Word Count: 3000 (whoa)

A/N: Sam gets on Dean’s nerves and Dean ends up taking a late night detour. Big talks ahead.

Special thanks to my beta @cracksinthewalls​ who puts up with my whiny ass. Also grateful for @there-must-be-a-lock​‘s insight.

The bowling league was in lean attendance due to a surprise snowstorm, but that didn’t keep Singers’ Slingers from mopping the floor with their competition. Dean ended on a spare in the last game, putting him just over his average for the night. State bowling wasn’t until spring, but if they kept up their momentum Dean was sure they could place well. And a weekend away would be a welcome break from his usual exhaustion. 

Dean still owed Mick a rematch from last year’s trip. Mick drank him under the table and Dean didn’t want to lose two years running, he had a reputation to uphold afterall. Bartending had cut into his training time, among other things.

Ash was the first one to bow out for the night, knowing his side towing business would be busy with vehicles in ditches for however long the storm lasted. Cas bummed a ride with Mick, since his car had never done well in this weather and he was still dragging his feet on upgrading. Dean knew he had been hinting at shopping around, but Dean wasn’t going to push the topic and get dragged into helping or finagling with the salesman for the guy. Cas could figure it out on his own, and Dean was finally in a place where he felt comfortable letting him. Huh.

Sam had been quiet all night, but Dean hadn’t mentioned it, attributing the sour mood to post-break up blues. They bought Bobby his weekly drink, “team dues” as he called it and settled in along the bar. 

Dean kept the conversation going, trying to keep the mood light, but Bobby was too tired to ham it up and Sam was not amused by his brother’s antics. Once Bobby polished off his last beer and headed home to Ellen, Dean was rolling his eyes in exasperation.

“Fine, you know what, I’ll reel it in, don’t want to interrupt your sulking,” Dean muttered after another joke fell flat. Sam winced at Dean’s jab, which Dean instantly regretted. Though it did seem to shake Sam out of his funk, if minutely.

“So, tell me about Benny,” Sam brought up with elephantine grace.

Dean stared at Sam like he proclaimed he was quitting the law firm and joining the circus, coulrophobia and all. 

Sam huffed. “What?”

“Nice segue there, counselor,” Dean grumbled. “What about him? Hmm, you want a new bowling bag? Because that was already on my list for you for Christmas.”

“Dude, you don’t have to do that. I mean, that’d be great, but no, I was kind of wondering what your deal was? Like do you hang out a lot?” Sam started fishing.

“Yeah, totally, everynight,” Dean deadpanned. “I mean I only work two jobs when I’m not moving your sorry ass back into Mom and Dad’s.”

“That’s not what I meant,” Sam said, waiting to figure out where he was going with this line of questioning and just shot in the dark. 

“What I’m trying to say is, is this, like, a Cas thing?” Sam choked out, unable to put it any more delicately. 

Dean burned with shame as his hackles raised in defensiveness. “What the hell is that supposed to mean?”

Sam cocked his head and pursed his lips, unamused and unimpressed. “You know what I mean, man. Don’t make me spell it out.”

Dean wouldn’t budge, he dropped his beer with a thud. “Well, you’re gonna have to, because I have no fuckin’ idea what you’re talking about.”

“Dude!” Sam shook his head and rolled his eyes.

“The fuck is your problem? You got something to say, just say it, Sam.” Dean fumed, daring him with a murderous glare. Sam inhaled pregnantly, face still inching towards bitch mode. Sam eyed the bartender who was trying not to listen and the late game bowlers who suddenly decided they could catch up lane side instead.

What Dean didn’t realize was that he needed Sam to say it. He yearned for it, for his truth to be spoken, and known without him having to say it himself.

“Look, I know this isn’t something we talk about. But, I just want to make sure you’re okay. Alright? In the beginning with Cas, it was like you were obsessed, man. And since he just always seemed to need something from you. I just want to make sure you’re not getting used, I guess,” Sam unraveled the heart of his concern without saying too much, which Dean was not expecting, at all.

Dumbfounded, Dean retreated, annoyance trumping any chance at relief. 

“I think I can handle myself, thanks,” Dean spat. Petulantly, he took a sip from his beer, the cold glass solid in his hand, giving him something to clutch or even throw, if it came down to it.

“I didn’t say---,” Sam broke off. “Fine! You know what? You’re on your own. Just remember that I should have listened to you about Ruby and now I’m paying the price for my own stubbornness.”

Sam stood and reached for his money clip, tossing an extra five on the bar for the dramatics. He gave Dean one last chance to come clean, to own up to what they weren’t saying. Dean stared straight ahead, eyes unfocusing on the liquor labels behind the bar as if Sam had already left. So he did, just as he came: pissed and questioning his brother’s motives.

    Dean didn’t go home after that. Instead he absently followed a plow down the main road until he happened upon a familiar turn off. Which he took slow and steady until it ended in a T. The little brick ranch at the end of the lane held a lot of memories. And it was more inviting than ever with its Christmas card perfection in the falling snow. Dean put the Impala in park and let the radio play, wishing he had a joint just for the sake of something to do. 

He wasn’t there ten minutes before his phone rang, which he answered without processing the caller ID.

“You gonna come in or you just gonna sit out there feeling sorry for yourself?” Jo’s voice sliced across the line.

“Didn’t know if you were still up,” Dean bullshitted.

“Uh-huh. Whatever you say. Backdoor’s open,” her unimpressed reply. She hung up before Dean could make up an excuse to leave. He slouched out of the car and trudged down the long country driveway. As soon as he had stomped the snow off his boots, Jo welcomed him in with a firm hug and an appraising glint in her eye.

“Thanks, it’s a real mess out there,” Dean explained.

Jo just shook her head at him. “How’d ya bowl?”

“619 series, finished strong in the last few frames,” Dean answered. “Were you at your folks?”

“Nah, just know it’s Wednesday night, which means the boys were at the alley,” Jo smirked as she reached atop her fridge for the good stuff. 

She held up the whiskey in offering and Dean nodded, bending out of his coat. He slipped it over the back of a chair and settled in at the vintage kitchen table. She poured him a glass and watched as he inhaled the first round like he had been outside for hours and needed to fight off a much deeper chill.

“Well alright,” Jo resigned herself to playing shrink and poured Dean another drink. “So, what’s got you stuck in your head, hm?”

Dean weighed his head from side to side as he let the whiskey roll over his tongue. He never got far into a pouting session when Jo was around, but he also didn’t know which chamber of his heart he could stand to prop open for her inspection tonight.

“How’ve you been, Jo? You still schooling those truckers on taking care of their own rigs?” Dean sidestepped with ease.

“You know it,” Jo confirmed. “Not a day goes by that I don’t have to put another asshole in his place. Pays good, though.”

Jo had followed in Bobby’s footsteps and became a mechanic, but two Singers were already one too many for the shop and salvage yard. So she took her skills out to the interstate and made a name for herself as the only female diesel technician in four counties. Dean used to hate it when she would fix something faster than him, but it had been more than a decade since her skills had made him feel inferior. Dean knew Jo’d be his boss someday, but he wasn’t too worried about those far off futures; Bobby wouldn’t retire unless Ellen made him or killed him first.

“How’s Rufus holding up?” Jo teased, knowing her dad’s old friend was getting worse for the wear, much like John had.

“Stubborn, and as glib as ever. Good thing your dad rehired him, because he’s a bit too mouthy for most customers,” Dean admitted.

    Jo hummed with nostalgia. “I gotta swing by and bug you guys sometime, but it just keeps getting busier.”

    Dean sighed. “I hear that. What’s it been? Labor day? No. I haven’t even seen you since the Fourth. Christ!”

“Yeah, well, you’ll see me next week for Thanksgiving, don’t get too sentimental about it now,” Jo quipped. She took a short sip off the bottle as Dean swirled the last of his second helping.

“I’m seeing someone,” Dean staggered the words, like he wasn’t sure if their meanings and sounds fit together.

Jo sighed dramatically, “Finally, the truth is revealed! What’s up? She’s not pregnant, is she?”

“No.” Dean had to bite back his guffaw. “Definitely not.”

“Okay, then why the sad face? Not pulling a Ruby on ya, I hope?” Jo tested the waters.

“No, it’s--uh--- it’s been good. Really good. I just, kind of need to make up my mind if I’m in it for the long haul. Ya know?” Dean clarified, relaxing with each little confession. 

“Uh-oh it’s getting serious,” Jo mock whispered.

Dean rolled his shoulders. “No, well, it could be. I don’t know.”

Jo giggled. “I can’t believe you! You’re fucking twitterpated, aren’t you?!”

“Jo, if you start making Thumper jokes, I’m shutting up right now,” Dean warned with a pointed finger. “Care to top me off while you’re at it?”

“Okay, okay, gosh.” Jo rolled her eyes dramatically as she poured him another drink before pointedly putting it back on the fridge. “But you’re in deep. You’re all blushy about it.”

“That doesn’t mean I’m ready to go big. It just means they’re willing to put up with me until I say the word,” Dean tried to downplay his feelings and Benny’s confession.

“So do it! Bust out the grand gestures already,” Jo encouraged.

Dean scoffed, “I’m not built for commitment, you know that!”

“Except you kinda are! You’ve changed, Dean,” Jo insisted, head hung to pour her honesty from her eyes. “I don’t know when it happened, but you’re not that reckless boy that I knew. You’ve always been a good guy, but now?---- Maybe it’s been since Sam came home, I don’t know. But somewhere along the way you grew up.---- It’s okay to let yourself want something more, you know.”

Dean grumbled and rolled his neck, breaking the eye contact. She always could do this to him, just like her mother, see straight through his every defense. “I always thought it’d be you, you know?”

Jo smiled without teeth. “Firsts can do that to people. But, we’re not those kids anymore, Dean. So, if you’re asking for my permission or seeking my approval---?”

Dean dropped his head to his hands, thick fingers poorly hiding him from Jo. “It’s a guy, Jo. I’m--- I don’t know--- Bi? I guess?”

“Dean?” Jo waited until he stopped being sheepish and looked at her, even if it was only out of the corner of one eye. “You’ve been head over heels for Cas for years. If you dare tell me this is about him, so help me, I will throw you out right now.”

Dean couldn’t help but laugh ruefully at that and toss back what was left of his whiskey. “You saw that, huh?”

She didn’t answer, waiting for him to work through it on his own.

“It’s not Cas.” Dean smacked his lips and held up his glass for a refill. Jo stood and brought the bottle back to the table. Dean poured himself three fingers worth and pondered the sloshing liquid before he continued. “Your mom know?”

Jo licked her lips, cocked her head, and sighed.

Dean closed his eyes and asked, “Bobby? Fuck!--- my mom?!”

“No one has ever said it out loud, Dean. I don’t know who knows, honestly. But we’re family, that doesn’t change.” Jo grasped his wrist firmly, he held her hand to his and then she slapped her other one on top. Time stopped long enough for Dean to accept that his secret was finally out, but also that it was safe.

“I can’t believe I’m talking about this with you, of all people.” Dean thumbed her knuckles, staring into eyes he knew as well as his own.

“Really? Who else would you be talking to about it? Sam? Ash, maybe?” Jo giggled. “I’m honored, actually. It means you stopped hating me.”

Dean pulled his hands away and took another drink. “I never hated you.” 

“Okay, well, maybe it means you stopped hating yourself,” Jo corrected.

Dean’s brows crooked incredulously.

“Too much?” Jo asked apologetically.

Dean shook his head and sighed. “You are your mother’s daughter.”

“Now you’re the one being rude,” Jo muttered before taking a solid drink off the bottle this time.

Dean let himself relax, let the whiskey and conversation work into his muscles and set his worries aside. They talked like the old days and about the old days. Those in between years after high school and before anyone was ready to face responsibility. When half their friends went to college, they had just kept on working. After another hour, Jo leaned back in her chair and started scrutinizing him once again.

“You know how I know you’re happy with what’s his name?” Jo teased.

“Beh--- I didn’t tell you, fuck! Benny, his name is Benny. Goddamnit Joanna Beth,” Dean cursed through a chuckle; more details dragged out of him than he had planned on.

Jo cocked her head and considered the name.“Benny, right. You wanna know how I know?” Jo pushed.

“Fine, how?” Dean held up his hand, beckoning for her to hit him with her response.

“Because this is about the time of night you start giving me the lazy once over. But not tonight,” Jo proclaimed, chin out condescendingly. She had him, every few years they’d find themselves back in each other’s beds, for a night or a weekend and then they’d move on. He always thought of her as his home, his starting point. But maybe they weren’t the same thing at all.

“You still look good, Jo,” Dean replied, trying to save face.

“That’s not what I meant, Dean. Besides, I know!” Jo snarked, straightening her spine and tossing her hair over her shoulder. Dean couldn’t hold in his laughter anymore and it spilled out over a toothy grin, making Jo almost choke on her drink. God, Dean felt like anything was possible. That life was good. 

After the hysterics had calmed down, Dean exhaled. “Thanks, Jo. I needed this.”

“You sure did, nobody else was gonna hand you your ass so kindly,” Jo agreed, standing and taking the bottle and Dean’s glass with her to the counter that held the sink. He whined comically, but knew her timing was right. She leaned back and smirked.

Dean grew quiet and Jo waited to see if it was exhaustion, the alcohol or something else. She didn’t have long to prepare.

“How’m I gonna tell my dad?” Dean asked, the pain and panic pulling at his face until she saw the telltale tears well up.

“Fuck ‘im. I mean it, if your dad can’t get his head out of his ass to see how happy you are, he isn’t worth your time,” Jo said adamantly.

Dean let his thoughts roll to the side of his head and licked his lips, biting against the tremor. He quickly wiped away the tears that escaped and inhaled wet and ragged. Jo slipped to his side and ran her hand through his hair, letting his face fall against her chest as he breathed through the onslaught. Dean couldn’t help but think how motherly the affection felt.

She pulled back to look him over at arms’ length. 

“So what now? You want the couch? Or should I call you a ride? I’m sure Sam owes you one,” Jo asked, as no nonsense as ever.

“I’ll be fine,” Dean dismissed her concern, rubbing up his face to wipe off his nose.

“Well, you ain't driving.” Jo held up his keys. Dean blanched, feeling his pockets for them, fruitlessly. He stood to snatch them, but she had already skipped across the kitchen, too far to catch. “Nuh-uh, no way I’m letting you risk your baby. Or your thick skull in this weather.”

 Dean put his hands on his hips, and blinked through the dizziness. He realized he hadn’t stood in a few hours. “Sam.”

“What’s that?” Jo prodded mischievously, ear leaning in as if she couldn’t hear him.

“Very funny. Call Sam, will ya?” Dean rolled his eyes as she scrolled through her contacts, murmuring the names under her breath. His keys were raised in victory, as if he couldn’t reach them above her head. He could have snagged them in an instant, if he wanted to.

 While Jo woke Sam, Dean checked his own phone. Ignoring some texts from his mom and Cas, he selected the conversation with Benny. There were no new messages since that morning. Dean hesitated before relocking his screen.

“Sam’ll be here in twenty. You want something to eat? I’ve got chips.” Jo offered, opening the cupboard.

Tagging: @flamencodiva​ @dolphincliffs​ @dontshootmespence​ @fookinghelljensensthighs​ @fangirlxwritesx67 @dawnie1988 @mrswhozeewhatsis​ @cosicas-cuquis​ @foxyjwls007 @tumbler-tidbits @wingedcatninja​ @defenderrosetyler​ @ericaprice2008  @crashdevlin​  @mylovelydame21 @cajunquandary​ @itmighthavebeenintentional​​ @thoughtslikeaminefield​ @there-must-be-a-lock @tatted-trina6​ @cracksinthewalls​ @atc74​​

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Part 10: Spit it Out

[unibrowzz]

Mod (finally) reviews all 67 winners of the Eurovision Song Contest Part IV: The 1980s

Ah yes, the 80s. One of my favourite decades for music overall, and one of the only decades in Eurovision where I wouldn’t immediately jump at the chance to change most of the songs that won, the other decade being the 2000s. 

But at least with the 80s there was more quality songs per year, whereas the 2000s was mostly drivel.

I also count the 80s as being somewhat of a turning point in the contest’s history, and by that I mean it always seemed to me like it was the decade where the UK really began to stop caring. Most people know the song that won in 1985, but nobody knows what won in 1986. Everyone knows Johnny Logan won twice, but couldn’t name his second song. Everyone knows Celine Dion competed, but can’t remember if she won or what she sang. 

That and countries also started experimenting with more modern sounds and outfits towards the end. The early 80s is just an extension of the 70s I swear. 

But that’s enough of all that, how do I find the winning songs?

1980- What’s Another Year?

Country: Ireland

Artist: Johnny Logan 

Language: English

Thoughts: Ah yes, the song that makes every 50something woman in the UK and Ireland all doey-eyed and rosy cheeked as they remember back to when they were a teenager watching this on TV and drooling at the lovely looking sad Irishman singing his sorrows into the microphone.  Or that’s my experience with this song anyway. Another experience is that most vintage fans I know tend to dislike this song on the grounds of it beating out [insert song here] Everyone has their favourite from 1980 since it was honestly a pretty strong year, but even though this song isn’t my first place for that year I can still clearly see why it won. See, 1980 had a lot of pop songs, so a slow, sad song like this one was bound to stand out, whether it was popular or not. Luckily for this one, it turned out to be a popular choice. Other songs wouldn’t be so lucky… Back on track though. Like I said, this is a very sad and melancholy song with sad and melancholy lyrics, which not only made it stand out in its year, but also made it stand out amongst other Eurovision songs of its time. It’s strange to think, but at this point in the contest’s history there hadn’t been a winner with lyrics so solemn and personal. See, in modern Eurovision, every other song is the artist baring their soul about their horrible ex-boyfriend, or their depression, or past abuse, or whatever, so knowing there was a period where songs like that were so rare is just… surreal to me.

Is this my personal winner for this year? This or Greece tbh, I don’t mind this one

If no, what is? Greece- Anna Vissi- “Autostop”

Personal ranking (out of 67): 23rd

1981: Making Your Mind Up

Country: United Kingdom

Artist: Bucks Fizz

Language: English

Thoughts: Ah yes, the UK winner that nobody really likes, but the BBC still forces at us anyway because they’re proud they came up with a gimmick that everybody remembers. Or maybe it’s not that well remembered, but nobody would know that because we’re reminded of it every year. This song is… alright. Just alright. The first listen of this one is always the best, because after a while it just gets kind of annoying. The singing ESPECIALLY starts to grate you for a while. Even in the studio version the two girls sound unbearably shrill and whiny, and I’m not sure if that’s their fault or the songwriter’s (since if I remember correctly only one of them was a professional singer). I’m seriously convinced there’s no way for a female vocalist to pull this off without sounding terrible.  Again, this one’s perfectly fine and serviceable, but that doesn’t mask the fact it’s still the worst UK winner and the worst winner of the 1980s too. 

Is this my personal winner for this year? No

If no, what is? Portugal- Carlos Paião- “Playback”

Personal ranking (out of 67): 58th

1982: Ein Bißchen Frieden

Country: West Germany

Artist: Nicole

Language: German (Translation: “A little peace”)

Thoughts: This song gives me a really warm, nostalgic feeling, and I don’t know why. I mean, I know this one did well internationally, so it’s possible I just heard it as a kid, but given how I grew up in the early 2000s, “Eurovision is a shitty freak show full of weirdos from the USSR who gang up on the UK and don't vote for us on purpose” era Britain, that’s highly unlikely. Anyways, this is such a warm, fuzzy kind of song. It has a lovely… round-the-campfire, singalong kind of vibe, like this is meant to be sung by a load of long haired hippies with flowers in their hair and CND symbols drawn on their cheeks. And it’s… … Also kind of bland. If you’ve been reading my personal winners so far, you’ll have noticed I definitely have a soft spot for old German entries, so it’s a shame I find the one song they actually won with to be so… generic. It’s like they got tired of being unique so decided to send the same saccharine fluff everyone else was sending, and guess what, it paid off majorly, because this song was a huge hit at the time. Something about that kind of bothers me, like, out of all the entries they sent, it’s the one that’s the most “Eurovision-y” that ended up winning. And there’s something depressing in that.

Is this my personal winner for this year? No

If no, what is? United Kingdom- Bardo- “One Step Further”

Personal ranking (out of 67): 50th

1983: Si la vie est Cadeau

Country: Luxembourg

Artist: Corinne Hermés

Language: French (Translation: “If life were a gift”)

Thoughts: You want a tip on how to stand out amongst Eurovision fans? Say you like this song. Probably won’t make you very popular, but you’ll stand out at least. I will confess, I, too, was part of the hate-wagon for this song. Like most fans I knew, I’d complain about how boring and uninteresting it was and how it, ahem, “robbed” so many other entries, and how basic it was, et cetera, et cetera. But… honestly? It’s not even that bad. Sure I had other favourites from 1983 (the ones I could stand watching anyway, the host that year was so unimaginably terrible I gave up watching halfway through. I DARE you to watch the whole thing without wanting to neck yourself), but this song gets way more hate than it deserves. I honestly don’t think this song is half as bad as I made it out to be myself, or as bad as the fandom makes it out to be. It’s got a decent melody, some solid vocals, some appealingly 80s instrumental, like there’s a lot I like here. …Until you read the lyrics and realise they’re almost as half-assed and lazy as All Kinds of Everything’s, but I digress. Did I prefer other songs from that year? Of course. Am I going to complain about this one winning? Nah. It’s alright. 

Is this my personal winner for this year? No

If no, what is? Sweden- Carola Häggkvist- “Främling”

Personal ranking (out of 67): 41st

1984- Diggiloo, Diggiley

Country: Sweden

Artist: Herreys

Language: Swedish

Thoughts: Whenever I was a younger fan I used to describe this song as being drunk-dad-at-a-wedding-music performed by three sentient Ken dolls, and I still stand by that statement. And I don’t really know how else to describe this one. It certainly has its charm, and it’s still a likeable song, but it also feels very… vapid. Like if this song were a person, they’d be a bit of a bimbo. And I mean, the song’s about how the singer’s oh-so-happy and prancing down the street in his brand new shoes, so that’s probably a fair description. Part of me wonders if that’s down to old Eurovision songs being vapid in general or if it’s down to the schlager genre itself requiring songs to be kinda neutered and happy-go-lucky, but even though I do like this song, it does come off as being a bit bland. A bit by-the-numbers and playing-it-safe. And I don’t mind songs like that, but I’d rather they didn’t win, y’know?

Is this my personal winner for this year? Not really

If no, what is? Italy- Alice & Franco- “Il Treni di Tozeur”

Personal ranking (out of 67): 15th

1985- La det Swinge

Country: Norway

Artist: Bobbysocks

Language: Norwegian

Thoughts: Ah yes, the song which finally hauled Norway into first place after years of being a regular last-placer. Maybe the UK should take some notes instead of blaming Brexit. Or Russia. Or Iraq. Or anything other than their own apathy, for that matter. But this is about La det Swinge and not the UK, so what are my thoughts on it? Well it’s… It’s the kind of song I imagine my mom and aunt would sing at a wedding if they ever attended one. It’s a very fun song, a little cheesy, sure, but it’s hard to not like a song that’s this upbeat and cheery.  And yeah I know it’s because it’s schlager and that’s generally a really cheerful genre by default, I touched on that in the review above, 

Is this my personal winner for this year? This or Israel

If no, what is? Israel- Yizhar Cohen- “Olé Olé”

Personal ranking (out of 67): 14th

1986- J’aime la Vie

Country: Belgium

Artist: Sandra Kim

Language: French

Thoughts: This song is an enigma because I’m an absolute slut for 80s pop, yet, for some reason, I find this song painfully average and uninteresting. Now, I’ll get it off my chest and say that 1986 was also a painfully average and uninteresting year, and most of the time I just felt myself remembering the singer more than the song, and even then I struggle to remember what some of the acts even were. It was just such a boring blur of a year I’m surprised the juries even managed to stay awake to pick a winner. And I GUESS you could argue that this song is so upbeat and peppy that it woke them up, but that doesn’t excuse how bloody generic it is. Like, this is the most generic 80s song you can imagine, and not in a good way. It feels more like stock music than an actual publicly released pop song. Had it not won, I doubt it would’ve stood out to me at all; it would’ve just faded into the background with all the other muted, 80s-coloured mush from this year. Basically, there’s a reason the singer’s age is the only thing noteworthy about this song.

Is this my personal winner for this year? Not really

If no, what is? Luxembourg- Sherisse Laurence- “L’amour de ma vie”

Personal ranking (out of 67): 49th

1987- Hold me Now

Country: Ireland

Artist: Johnny Logan 

Language: English

Thoughts: Ah yes, the superior Johnny Logan winner.  And I’m not sure why everyone forgets this one because Mother of Mercy this song is in another league entirely compared to the other schlock Ireland’s won with. Like this is their best winner, no competition. One of their best songs overall as well. One of the best entries from the 80s, one of the best winners of the 80s, one of the best winners… Yeah, I really like this song.  I’ll admit to sleeping on this one for too long myself, always dismissing it as some boring Irish ballad to go with all the other boring Irish ballads they somehow managed to win with (we’ll get to that later), and always agreeing with people who said XYZ country (always Yugolslavia) should have won instead.  Basically I learnt the hard way to never judge a song on its country and genre. But one day I found myself in the midst of a revisiting trip, going back to winners I didn't pay much attention to, just to see if there was anything I’d missed the first time round. And something about the lyrics in this song resonated with me a lot more than I thought they would. In a strange way, it made me feel older; like I’d grown up and was able to relate to the words in a song and appreciate it more than I could when I was younger. The line “what do you say when words are not enough?” especially hits harder than it should; as someone with autism I tend to find showing emotions difficult, even in virtual conversation where I’m not using my voice or face, because… Well, what do you say when your words aren’t enough?

Is this my personal winner for this year? Yes

If no, what is? N/A

Personal ranking (out of 67): 2nd

1988- Ne Partez pas Sans Moi

Country: Switzerland 

Artist: Céline Dion 

Language: French

Thoughts: Telling people Céline Dion won this thing is a new favourite hobby of mine, just to see the confused reaction. And that’s the most interesting thing about this song because it’s… fine, I guess? It’s a perfectly serviceable 80s power ballad, but there’s no bells and whistles to make me sit up and declare it any better than just “okay”. It’s basically the ballad equivalent of J’aime la Vie from 1986, in that it’s extremely 80s and also in French, but there’s nothing to make it that memorable aside from the singer herself. And even then this isn’t the song that made her famous anyway. Even her singing doesn't make this one stand out, partially because the song doesn't do anything special with it, and partially because she just blends in with all the other good singers of this era. And that’s kinda sad to think about.

Is this my personal winner for this year? Hmmm....

If no, what is? Greece- Afroditi Frida- “Clown”

Personal ranking (out of 67): 22nd

1989- Rock Me

Country: Yugoslavia

Artist: Riva

Language: Croatian

Thoughts: So this is another song it really took me a while to get into (there’s lots of those, trust me) and one that was very briefly in my top three overall favourites. It’s slid down a few slots since then, though I would still say it’s… Somewhere in the top 15.  I don’t really have a lot to say about this one, if I’m honest. It’s just a good, fun, solid song which stood out in a very dull and ballad-saturated year, nothing more, nothing less. The lyrics are nice too, being about a bored musician who learns to love music again by teaching himself how to play pop songs to entertain his friends. That’s a unique subject and I can imagine it resonating with a lot of people who’ve fallen out with a hobby they used to love because they took it too seriously (providing they either speak Croatian or have looked up the lyrics, of course). I mean, it resonates with me at least. All in all, I just like this song for its message more than anything else.

Is this my personal winner for this year? No

If no, what is? Portugal- Da Vinci- “Conquistador”

Personal ranking (out of 67): 9th

[wowweeharrystyles]

Part 5 | Second Guessing & The Pink Suit | 9.1K words

‘Sequins & Zippers’ Summary: An internship with Harry Lambert transformed into a job of a lifetime - Aurora Del Gatto finds herself touring the world with the one & only Harry Styles as his ‘Head of Wardrobe.’ Aurora is nothing but nerves & excitement as she packs her bags & almost 100 custom designer suits that belong to an unbelievably kind rockstar. She never thought she’d fall in love on top of it all.

Read Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4

Masterlist

Warnings: depictions of anxiety & panic attacks

A/N: Aurora deals with a lot of anxiety in the the beginning of this part. I write from my personal experience & acknowledge that nobody experiences anxiety & panic attack in the same way. Writing from my experience was part of my recovery & continues to assist me as I progress & learn to take better care of myself. I love Aurora & I hope you all do too. 

The whole of Aurora’s travels to Italy are done so in a fog. A small headache was the last thing on her mind as she wandered from security to the gate. When Aurora woke up this morning, the same smile from the night before showed up again, but not long into packing her belongings and getting ready to leave Spain did the worried thoughts come up.

Was last night just a long build up to a few silly kisses? Will the alcohol be an excuse? Aurora can’t stop worrying. She can’t stop thinking about the idea of last night and anything else that stems from it costing her her job. But on the other hand, how could any of this not be right? Not be okay? There’s something so right when Harry and Aurora meld together. 

Aurora’s shaken out of her thoughts when the final call for her flight is announced over the speakers in her terminal. The flight isn’t that long, but still long enough for Aurora to fall asleep the second she presses play on her favourite podcast. 

Without a doubt, there’s a handwritten note waiting for her on the bedside table when she gets to her hotel room in Milan. She leaves it unopened and unread and instead facetimes her sister and tells her everything. Leila knew something had been up. Leila and Aurora, though 7 years separate them, are each other’s best friend. Through the cloud of anxiety that swarmed Aurora’s small hotel room, she managed to get everything out without a filter. 

“Oh, Aurora,” Lelia sighs, “only you would get your dream job and get an international rockstar to fall in love with you.” 

“Leila!” Aurora groans, “You are NOT helping this situation. At. All.” 

“Who said I would help?” Aurora groans again. She knows her sister is only trying to help lighten up the conversation but Aurora is freaking out. “Okay, Okay. Serious now.” Leila takes a visible deep breath before continuing. “I’m gonna be completely honest with you, cause I’m your older sister and that’s my job.” Aurora nods, her heart sinking. “You could cut it off, end anything not work related, strictly business between you and Harry. Or, you could just let what happens, happens and figure out what’s really going on between you two.” 

Aurora stares at her sister through the small camera on her computer. Neither of the options Leila has presented sound appealing to her. 

“Aurora, from where I stand, I think ending what you and Harry have could be the worst idea. I think space might be a good idea, but don’t cut it off. Don’t run from it.” Leila pauses. “I’m your sister, your best friend, I know you better than anyone… don’t run away from this.” Aurora’s breath catches in her throat so she nods in response. She knows what Leila is talking about. Aurora likes to run. Run from everything. “Don’t run. It’s your dream job. Why not make the most of what’s in front of you?” Leila laughs. “Dream job and a romance. Only you.” The two sisters laugh together then. 

Aurora and Leila say their goodbyes but not without the older sister making the younger promise to call and text more and to keep her updated. That’s what sisters are for right? 

Aurora goes to bed early. She never opens the note with “Rory” scribed on the outside in Harry’s handwriting. 

She’s a ball of anxiety with shaky hands when she gets to the Milan Arena the next day. It’s later in the afternoon than she normally likes to get to the arena but she stayed in bed for a long time this morning and she didn’t want there to be any extra time to spend there. Time she normally spends with Harry. She rushes to Harry’s dressing room first when she checks the time. He normally works with his trainer right about now - perfect time for her to take care of his suit for the show and then move along. 

Aurora curses under her breath when she is reminded of what he’s wearing tonight. A fuschia pink jacket and trouser that are both covered in glitter and an equally glitter covered golden pussy bow button down. The bow on this one is much more dramatic than the others he’s worn in previous shows. She’s instantly reminded of the intimate moments they’ve shared while she’s helped him get ready. It’s not even been a full month on the road and the tour is only 12 shows deep but she can’t help but reminisce over it all already. She’ll have to come back later to help Harry with the bow, she supposes she can’t avoid him at all cost. She can minimize the time they have together, though, so she proceeds with heating up the steamer and prepping his suit, shoes, socks, all of the things she normally does. 

Aurora makes her way to Mitch and Adam’s dressing rooms and does her job there. She’s interrupted when she’s fixing a small stitch on Sarah’s blouse. 

“Oh Aurora! Glad I found you,” Jeff’s voice echoes through the otherwise silent dressing room. “Harry was getting worried, said he hadn’t seen or heard from you. He’ll be done with soundcheck in 15, should I tell him to find you here?” Aurora can hear her heartbeat in her ears. 

“Uhm, uh,” she’s trying to stall to get her thoughts together. “I’m almost finished up here, actually. Just tell him I’m fine and I’ll be back to his dressing room to help him get ready later on.” 

“Oh, okay.” Jeff is surprised by her response. Jeff doesn’t know everything but he knows enough to know something isn’t right. “Do you need anything, Aurora?” He offers her a small smile. 

“I’m alright thanks.” Just leave me alone please, she wants to say. 

Aurora’s done her best to hide and Harry never came looking for her. She’s realised how lonely this all could get if she really decides to end everything with Harry. Lonely and exhausting. She can’t pretend like everything is okay though, she has to follow her gut. But what about following her heart? She’s still wrestling with her thoughts and she can’t seem to win. She’s gotta stick to her gut, she just isn’t sure what it’s telling her to do right now. Aurora curses to herself again, the millionth time on this tour, this day even when she catches herself daydreaming about her and Harry at the bar in Spain. 

When she gets to Harry’s dressing room, she notices there isn’t much noise coming from it, some rattling, which Aurora only assumes is Ayae picking through her supplies. Normally Harry’s room is so lively, his voice warm and cheerful, but there’s nothing. 

Harry looks up from his hands when he hears a light knock on the propped open door. He normally keeps it closed when he’s getting ready but he made a point to keep it open for Aurora. She notices this without a doubt. 

“Ror,’ he says softly when he sees her. She’s wearing the same crewneck she had been wearing when he came to her hotel room in Hamburg, but instead of leggings, she has dark blue ripped jeans on. She’s somehow made the sweatshirt look like she’s picked it up from a cool vintage shop when he very well knows it’s her high school honor society sweatshirt. She’s got clunky boots on her feet and her hair drapes around her shoulders, flyaways falling in her face. He wants nothing more to tuck the hair in her face behind her ear and wrap her up in a hug. He knows that he shouldn’t though. There’s something going on but he doesn’t know what. “Alright?” 

She nods, “Yeah, bit tired is all. You?” She reciprocates trying to make all of this as normal as possible. To say that Harry is confused is an understatement. She didn’t show up for coffee at the hotel that morning. He’s confused and worried and sad when he should be happy and content and everything good. Just nights ago he kissed the girl he had been crushing on since last May. How could everything change so fast? 

“I’m alright,” Aurora doesn’t mirror the small smile on Harry’s face when they meet eyes. “Did you not get my note?” Harry asks quietly, his smile fading. Aurora stays silent and looks away from him. 

“Was exhausted when I got to my hotel last night and must’ve missed it,” she lies as she reaches for the glittery suit. 

Harry thanks Ayae when she says she’s finished. Normally sticking around while they pick on Harry or Harry picks on Aurora, she opts to leave them alone now, instead. Ayae can tell from Harry’s almost silence in the past hour and the interaction she’s just witnessed that she doesn’t need to be in the dressing room any longer. 

Harry tries to keep up some small talk with Aurora but they both grow exhausted from the run of the mill conversation between them. The silence is deafening and they’re both sick of it but neither know what to do. Aurora ties the bow on his shirt and out of habit Harry dips his head down towards her to watch her movements and study her focused face. He can see her hands trembling, more than usual and his heart hurts looking at her. 

“Everything okay, Aurora?” She hums an okay back, barely audible. “Just don’t seem like yourself,” he comments warily. 

“Just tired, is all.” She pauses. “Between traveling and drinking the other night, it’s all just kinda piled up, I guess.” Her voice is soft, if Harry wasn’t inches from her he wouldn’t have heard her answer. 

Harry accepts her answer. For now. He can tell something is up but doesn’t want to push. There’s a hint of worry in the back of his mind. He can’t help it. He tries to read her, through her eyes, her movements, anything but comes out empty. 

Aurora whispers a goodluck to him after helping him into his jacket. Harry desperately wants nothing more than to kiss her and wrap her up in a hug, but before he even gets the chance to sort out his thoughts on what to do next she’s out the door and down the hall. His feet move before he can think and he’s running out into the hall after her. 

“Rory,” he calls, is voice echoing against the cement walls. “Ror,” he calls again. She stops in her tracks but doesn’t turn around. He sees her shoulders rise and fall dramatically. He jogs the distance between them but she doesn’t turn around. “Did I do something?” Harry asks vaguely to the back of her head. There’s silence before she turns around to face him. She fixes her eyes on the gold glitter of his shirt, not daring to make eye contact. She shakes her head, her focus traveling down to Harry’s shoes. “Ror, you gotta talk to me. Please.” There’s a small shake to his voice that makes Aurora look up at him. 

“Harry,” she takes a deep breath, “you did absolutely nothing wrong. I just, I need some space, I think I need space.” She rambles off. Harry whispers her full name. “You did everything right, actually, but I need-I don’t know what I need, really. Just-just, don’t worry about me, okay? Everything is okay, I’m okay. We’re okay. Everything is okay.” She’s hoping that saying it outloud will make herself believe it too. Shes mumbling and rambling and she doubts Harry understands what she’s saying. She barely does. “Just leave your suit out after the show and I’ll come take care of it.” 

Aurora walks away from Harry, numbness starting to appear in her fingertips. Not a good sign. When she gets back to her green room, she tries to busy herself with a book. Everyone is bustling around the arena and nobody will be around until the end of the show. She wishes she could leave the arena but she still has her job to finish for the night. She remembers as she starts to skim over the words on the page that she has to get on a train after they pack up at the arena. She’s trying to do the math to figure out how many hours until she’ll be in a new hotel room, sleeping in a bed that's way too big for just her when she lets her eyes close. She never had a chance at actually reading. Between the jet lag and anxiety that’s been boiling in her body she’s pulled into sleep, the noise of the arena slowly floating away.  

The train ride to Bologna is no better than her flight to Milan. She’s anxious and to add to all of her previous thoughts she’s replaying the interaction between her and Harry post show. She had been too eager to get his suits pack up and leave the arena that she walked in just before he was leaving. Harry didn’t know what to say and neither did Aurora. Harry did notice the slight crease in her check from where she probably fell asleep and assumed that she missed the show. His heart sunk a bit when he confirmed his thoughts. He couldn’t find Aurora during ESNY like he always does, he had a hunch she wasn’t in the audience at all. He was right, sadly so. 

“Just getting everything packed up before I catch my train,” she voices quickly, pointing to where his suit lays neatly on the couch. Harry hums an okay. He goes to leave but pauses at the door. 

“Ror, I don’t know what’s going on, but I do know that a few nights ago in Spain I did something that I wanted to do for a long time. I can’t explain everything I’m feeling, but you mean a lot to me. I can’t fix anything or help you if you don’t tell me what’s going on.” He pauses and Aurora can feel her eyes sting and she’s praying that she can hold back the tears. “I’m here whenever you want to talk, but I’m not going to push you, okay?” Aurora nods slowly, words unable to form and a lump appearing in her throat. Harry offers a small smile before turning around again. He’s stepped into the hall but instead of leaving he turns around again, hand hanging on the door frame. “Regardless of whatever is going on right now, you better bet that there’ll be another note in your hotel room in Bologna.” Aurora chokes out a small laugh, a tear falling down her cheek the second he turns on his heels and walks out of sight. 

His kindness (which still catches her off guard everyday) makes her feel a little helpless. How could she have doubted anything between them in the first place? He’s been nothing but open with her. She could have easily just told him what she had been thinking and he would have proved all of doubts wrong. She’s kicking herself for being so, so, So Aurora. She likes to bottle her feelings and thoughts, take them on by herself. She knows that this is the start of her running away. This is why she has never experienced a real relationship. She’s never let it get this deep, this important. 

Now she’s pacing around her hotel room. She notices the time on the digital clock next to the messy hotel bed when she starts flipping through Harry’s lookbook. 4am.  Hastily, she looks for one of the New York pages. At the bottom of page in Harry’s familiar handwriting is his number. Aurora had yet to add it to her phone. He had written it there without context at the beginning of the tour. She had never thought to add it to her whatsapp contacts as she pretty much sees him everyday. His handwritten notes also sufficed for text messages. But right now, Aurora needs to hear his voice, needs to apologize, needs something. She’s overwhelmed and exhausted and everything feels wrong. Except Harry. How is it that part of the problem is also the fix for it all? 

Aurora starts with a text. If he’s awake he’ll respond. He’s probably not awake and won’t answer it till morning so that makes Aurora feel okay about sending him this desperate, vague text. 

- kinda just need to hear your voice. and talk. and idk. please don’t hate me for how I treated you in Milan - 

She tosses her phone across the large mattress and goes to the bathroom to wash her face for the millionth time that night. For how exhausted she is she hasn’t been able to fall asleep again. Too many naps today, she thinks. In reality though, she can’t get her mind to settle and turn off. She’s gotta face the music. Or in her case, the person who makes the music. Her phone dings across the room. 

- I could never hate you. - 

Then it dings again. 

- what’s your room #? - 

Aurora blinks at the messages, her hands trembling and heart beating fast. She doesn’t hesitate to type out her room number, though. 

- I’ll be there in 5 minutes. - 

She’s surprised by his rapid responses. She really hopes she didn’t wake him, but why would he be up at 4am? Jet lag? 5 minutes later, on the dot, there’s a knock on her door. When she opens the door she can tell that she probably looks a mess. Harry’s normal resting face - soft, unjudging, kind - changes quickly with creases in his forehead, his mouth gapes open slightly and there’s a worried look now gracing his face. A sigh exits his mouth without him meaning to. 

“Hi,” Aurora says sheepishly. 

“Hi, Ror,” he repeats back. Aurora steps back to let him through the doorway, letting the heavy hotel room door close behind him. She hasn’t walked very far into the room, only enough to really let him in. She wants to dive into his chest and hide. She wants nothing more than to hide, sudden regret washing over her. Why did she text him at this ungodly hour?  “Ror,” Harry says again, pulling her out of her thoughts immediately. She looks up with raised eyebrows. “Alright?” he asks even though he knows the answer. He thinks he knows the answer at least. Aurora shakes her head, knowing that if she tries to speak her voice will crack and tears will start rolling down her face. “Come ‘ere,” Harry says as he reaches his arms to her. 

Aurora is thankful that Harry can act on the exact thoughts in her head. She sighs in relief when she feels his arms wrap around her tightly. She indulges herself in rubbing her nose against the soft muscle of his chest. She can feel Harry let out a breath he was holding in, his chest starting to rise and fall evenly eventually. 

After a few moments of standing there in the small hallway of Aurora’s hotel room, she feels Harry press his lips to her hair. Aurora silently thanks whatever god or higher being is out there, she doesn’t know who specifically, for this moment. For Harry’s kindness. For anything else that happens from here on out because she thinks everything will be alright in a little bit. 

Harry pulls away bringing his hands to Aurora’s face. She sighs when they meet eyes and laughs to herself. 

“What’s so funny, love?” Harry asks in disbelief, a chuckle leaving his mouth too. 

“I don’t really know,” Aurora says quietly. “Just a lot going on in my head,” she finally shares. 

“Is that why you texted me at bloody, 4am?” Harry jokes. Aurora starts to apologize, her heart sinking, but Harry cuts her off. “I’m joking with you, Rory.” She hits his chest with both of her fists, not doing any damage, but the intention is there. “Sorry, sorry, not the time for jokes,” Harry continues seriously. “What’s going on, love?” Aurora shakes her head at herself. She’s trying to collect her thoughts. She wants her words to be put together, as cohesive, as she can. 

She chooses to break away from Harry. His hands on her skin isn’t helping gather her words. She walks over to the still made bed and sits down, pulling her legs to her chest, feet on the edge of the mattress. Harry follows suit, letting his adidas short clad legs hang off the edge. He’s giving her space right now and not choosing to sit right next to her, but still near her. He wants to be able to reach out to her if needed.

“Harry,” she whispers, “I’m sorry.” Harry tries to interrupt her apology. “Please just let me say what I need to.” He nods, understanding. “I’m sorry for treating you like I have the past 24 plus hours. I got overwhelmed. So overwhelmed. I saw your note back in Milan but didn’t even open it. Still haven’t. It’s tucked in my backpack, sealed. You deserve an explanation. I’m trying my best to explain it all.” Aurora sighs, fiddling with her fingers, she knows she’s fumbling through her words. She’s also convinced that Harry can hear the deep beat of her rapid heart right now. “Spain was incredible. For so many reasons. Please don’t think anything happened that I didn’t want. I don’t regret anything, at all. I could never. But I started second guessing everything. My anxiety got the best of me. Everything has seemed so foggy since I left Spain. I was afraid that you might have regretted what happened in the bar, that it didn’t mean anything to you.” 

Aurora’s suddenly surprised how well she is able to voice her thoughts. She takes a breath before continuing. She’s proud of herself in this exact moment for speaking her mind. 

“Then I started to worry about the fact that this is my job, that you’re actually my boss. I got scared. So scared.” She lets her knees part from her chest and sits with her legs crossed on the mattress, dropping her hands in her lap. Another deep breath. “But I couldn’t stop thinking about how amazing everything felt. How could something so good, something that makes me so fucking happy be bad?” She swears with an edge, frustration starting to litter every sentence. “I didn’t really know what was going on in your head and I should’ve asked but instead I did what I always do. I started to run away.” 

She shakes her head at her honesty. She can’t believe she’s sharing all of this right now. She had never intended on being this honest with him, but the words are falling out faster than she can think. 

“I’ve been so anxious about all of this and thought avoiding you as best as I could would help. But really it just made it worse. I’ve wanted nothing more than to just pretend like nothing was wrong and just let everything happen, but I couldn’t. There’s something stopping me and I couldn’t put my finger on it.” She looks up at him trying to read him. His face is neutral. There’s an openness about it. She releases the biggest sigh she has all night. “I’m terrified, Harry, really truly terrified. I’ve got my dream job, working with the best people I could think of and now, now,” she starts to second guess what she wants to say next, “now there’s this,” she continues, motioning between her and Harry. “I just want this to be okay. For us to be on the same page. And-and I think we are…” Aurora trails off. “Back at the arena you opened up and I haven’t been able to stop thinking about it. About how you couldn’t fully explain it, but there’s something special.” Aurora notices she’s shaking her head again. “Sorry, this is all over the place.” Harry shakes his head now. She can see his hand twitch out of the corner of her eyes and wants nothing more but to reach out to him, but she restrains just as he had. She’s gotta focus. “I feel so stupid for even second guessing this, whatever this is,” she notes, “I should’ve talked to you right away but the truth is that I don’t let things get like this. Get this important. My job, my heart, it’s all mixed together right now. It’s all one and now everything is on the line.” Aurora pauses one last time, gathering her final thoughts. “I’m sorry for texting you at 4am. I was restless and knew I needed to do something about this. Needed to talk to you. The worst part about the past 24 hours was that while I was avoiding you, all I really wanted was to be with you.”  

There’s silence between them for a while, both of them processing Aurora’s words. Her breathing is heavy, from vomiting her words or from her anxious heart, she’s unsure. She feels like her heart has turned into a boulder and is just freely knocking around in her ribcage. Why does it hurt so much to speak from the heart? Harry runs a hand through his short curls, his curls being the messiest she’s ever seen.

He runs his hand through his hair again before speaking. “I was awake, so don’t be sorry for texting me at 4am.” Aurora’s brows knit together in confusion. “I was thinking about all of this too. Couldn’t sleep knowing you weren’t okay,” he pauses “even though you told me you were. And please don’t be sorry for anything. You have every right to everything you’re feeling right now.” He’s pulling at his bottom lip, collecting his thoughts. “We can handle this however you need, but I hope that we can do it without you keeping things from me. This is all new. I’ve never done something like this-” 

“What? Get involved with someone you work with?” Aurora half jokes. 

“I mean, yes, but it’s more than that. Yes, we work together. Yes I am technically your boss.” Harry pauses, something clicking in his head. “Actually, Harry Lambert is your boss. I’m his boss. So if that’s what’s bothering you-”

“Harry.” 

“Aurora.”

“You know that’s just a technicality. I still work for you.”

“Okay okay. You’re right. Yeah. Uhm, well, apart from that, there’s more to it. Yes, we work together, but I’ve never felt like this about someone. This is all new for me too.” He chuckles to himself and Aurora raises her brows up in question. “Just realising that everything is so new to me. Everything I’ve been doing this past year. Since the band, it’s all new.”

“Yeah, but you’ve made an album before, you’ve done promo, toured, all of it. You’ve done it.” Aurora comments.  

“Yeah I have, but it’s different. I’m in control of everything. I have the final say of it all.” Harry’s face changes. Realization washing over his entire body. “If you think about it, we’re both in the same place… mentally. I think at least.” His green eyes are surprisingly piercing in the low light of the hotel room. “As much as I love my job and my life, it’s nothing but overwhelming lately. It’s one thing after the other.” Harry pushes himself to stand. He’s pacing now. “I get it, Ror, I really do.” He stops in his tracks. “I think I need you here with me though.” Harry’s just made a very bold request and the relief that Aurora had felt after speaking her mind is gone. “Harry,” she starts to plead. 

“Aurora, I’m serious.” “Harry, I think we need to slow down here,” her voice shakes. When Harry looks at her, he can tell he’s stepped just too far. He’s adding to the anxiety not helping. His whispers a sorry to her, frozen. “Just give me a minute, okay?” Aurora is standing now too. Without thought she heads into the bathroom, closing the door behind her. Wetting a washcloth, she dabs her face, staring at her reflection in the mirror. 

“Ror, I’m sorry. I just-I guess that’s how I really feel. I didn’t realise it ‘till now.” His voice is muffled by the door between them. There’s a few moments of silence before Aurora opens the door. 

“It’s all a lot right now. I think I feel the same, but-but, it’s just a lot.” Exhaustion and the desperate need for a real few hours of sleep are quickly building up behind Aurora’s eyelids. She wants nothing more than to fall into Harry’s arms and fall asleep. Tears start to sting at her eyes. “Oh, love, please don’t cry. I don’t want you to be upset.” There’s panic in Harry’s eyes. 

“No, no,” she stops him, “I’m just so tired and overwhelmed.” A yawn interrupts her. “I want to talk through this, figure it out, but I’m just so tired. I don’t think either of us are sure of what’s going on in our own heads.” Harry nods. 

“I’ll go then, we’ll continue this-”

“No, Harry, don’t go. I don’t want you to go. Can we just-just sleep and then finish this in the morning?” Aurora has let all of her guards down at this point. She doesn’t care anymore. “Only if you want,” she adds. She hopes he wants to stay. 

Harry approaches her cautiously. When Aurora steps forward Harry knows it’s okay. That everything will be okay. Aurora falls into Harry’s chest, her hands trailing up his shoulder blades. Harry tightly wraps his arms around her waist, pressing a kiss to the side of her neck before tucking his face into her hair. They stand there for awhile both too tired to move. When they do finally move, they do so wordlessly. With a soft kiss to Aurora’s forehead and a promise to talk when they’re both well rested they fall asleep instantly. 

The next morning they’re awoken by Harry’s phone ringing. Harry answers the phone with a whisper hoping not to startle Aurora. The soft Italian sun is shining through the gauzy curtains across the room, causing a yellow light to cast across the white bedding. Harry moves to sit on the edge of the bed, the heat leaving with him. When Harry notices Aurora shift in the bed he gives her an apologetic look. 

“Jeff, I’ll be there, promise. Just give me the morning,” he speaks through the phone. His voice is raspy and low. Aurora quite likes the sound of it right now. 

Since she’s awake and Harry’s busy for the moment she runs to the bathroom, washes her face with cold water to wake her up and brushes her teeth. When Aurora gets back Harry’s now making a call on the hotel room phone. He says something in Italian. His voice has smoothed out now, but still low and the Italian rolls off his tongue. 

“Just ordering some coffee.” 

“Didn’t know you spoke Italian,” she comments when she sits back down on the bed. 

“Picked most of it up throughout the years, just to get by.” 

She taps her phone to life on the bedside table, not remembering plugging it in last night. There’s a handful of messages and emails. She notices Helene’s name a few times and knows instantly that she’ll have to tell her everything. In the midst of ignoring Harry she had done so to her as well. Her heart sinks at the thought of treating her newest friend like that. She types out a quick message reassuring Helene that she’s alright and will tell her everything this afternoon, asking to meet for lunch or dinner. Aurora refuses to leave Italy without a proper Italian meal. Her stomach quite likes the thought of spaghetti right now. Damn jetlag, it’s not even 9am. 

While Harry’s freshening up in the bathroom, room service knocks on the door. 

“Buongiorno, Ms. Del Gatto,” a dark haired man in a vest and bowtie greats her. Just as the cart filled with coffee and a few pastries is settled in the small open space of her hotel room Harry emerges, pulls a few rogue euros from his wallet and hands them to the gentleman. 

“Grazie,” rolls off Harry’s tongue during the exchange. Aurora stands by the cart awkwardly, fiddling with the hem of her t shirt. Once the man has left them alone and the door closes behind them Harry grabs the latte he ordered for Aurora and hands it to her. “Come on, love,” he ushers her to the very small couch. “Sleep alright?” he asks as she sips her coffee without saying a word. Aurora hums, both in reference to sleeping and to the lovely feeling of the frothy latte on her lips. 

“Slept better than I have in a while,” she answers honestly.

“Same here,” Harry says softly, almost like he’s shy about it. “I’m sorry about overstepping last night,” he says after they’ve both made significant way through their coffees. 

“Please don’t apologize for that. You have every right to be honest with me, no matter what it is.” She pauses before continuing. “I’m feeling much better and honestly, it’s not so scary now. Sleep really does wonders.” Aurora reaches out and places her hand on Harry’s knee that’s tucked up onto the couch. “I’ve just been so anxious and not sleeping at all just got to be a whole lot. Very overwhelming.” She’s fiddling with the creases and stitches in his joggers when he reaches out to tuck a piece of hair behind her ear. She looks up at him, “I just don’t want anything bad to happen. I may be well rested now, but I’m still terrified. 

“I am too,” he assures her. Harry opens his mouth to say something but holds back. 

“What?” Aurora questions, wanting him to be completely open and honest. Harry shakes his head, a full smile doesn’t appear but his dimple does. 

“My mum always says something can’t be too important if it doesn’t scare you a little.” Harry’s hand moves to caress her cheek, his thumb rubbing at the top of her cheekbone. Aurora leans into his touch, her eyes closing briefly. When she feels Harry’s face closing in on hers, her mind betrays what her body is craving. 

“Wait,” her voice comes out without warning. She’s almost taken aback by her own actions but before she can think fast enough there’s a frown engraved on Harry’s once so soft face. “I just need to, setting boundaries isn’t right, but I need something clear, just want us on the same page.” Harry drops his head into the crook of her shoulder. She sees his shoulders release some tension in the same moment. 

“Of course,” he says before pressing his lips to her neck, gently, almost like he can’t help getting his lips on her skin. He lifts his head up and runs a hand through his hair. His curls are a mess and all Aurora wants to do is get her hands in them as well. 

“Keep things slow?” Harry nods, agreeing with Aurora. “But not too slow,” she lets out a light giggle before continuing. Harry nods again his hands finding a soft grip on her waist, slowly pulling her closer to him. “Stay honest with each other, share whatever we’re feeling so we’re always on the same page.” Harry hums along with her words. “I’d prefer to keep this on the DL for at least a bit…” she trails off, “would rather not get papped and end up in The Sun, too.” 

“Do you even know me?” Harry jokes. She laughs along, Harry’s gotten really good at hiding from the public. “I’ve got lots of practice.” Harry’s grip on Aurora’s waist has gotten tighter, his thumbs digging in gently. “Seems like a good list to start with. We can always add more.” 

“Mhm,” Aurora agrees. A bright smile appears on her face. She lets Harry control her movements and before she knows it he’s pulling her onto his lap, swinging one leg over to rest her knees on the couch cushions on either side of his thighs. She lets herself run a hand through his hair right above his ear as her weight fully relaxes onto his thighs. The look on Harry’s face is nothing but pure contentment. Her face mirrors his and Aurora thinks she could sit like this, with him forever. Then Harry closes the gap and he’s kissing her. Finally. The kiss is languid but Harry’s hands haven’t stopped moving. They move up and down Aurora’s back and then land on her waist again before squeezing the muscles of her thighs. He takes her face in his hands too, angling her head to showcase her neck a bit, trailing kisses down to the base of her neck and then her collarbone. Aurora wishes she could be here in this moment for the rest of time. Kissing Harry is like being able to stop time and Aurora quite likes the thought of that, too.

Eventually they break apart from each other. Well, their lips at least. Harry takes the moment and wraps his arms around her and holds her tightly against him, burying his head into her shoulder and inhaling deeply. Aurora mirrors his deep breath, her arms wrapping around his broad shoulders, scratching against his shoulder blades lightly. They’re interrupted by a call from Jeff, which Harry ignores. Then they’re interrupted again when there’s a knock on the door. 

When Aurora looks through the peephole she can barely see who is standing outside of the door. She giggles when she recognizes Helene’s face. Aurora opens the door just as Harry walks up behind her, wrapping his arms around her waist. There’s an elated look on Helene’s face when Harry presses a kiss to Aurora’s cheek. 

“I’ve gotta get ready so I can meet up with Jeffrey,” he rolls his eyes, “I’ll find you later,” he finishes before kissing Aurora on the lips this time. They may have spent the better part of the past hour kissing but with Helene as an audience and the simplicity of a goodbye kiss, it catches Aurora off guard. “Don’t forget about that note.” Harry says hello and goodbye to Helene before he’s stepping onto an elevator to find his own hotel room. 

“Aurora!” Helene exclaims as Aurora closes the door behind her after Helene walks into the hotel room. Aurora groans, falling onto the bed. “Start talking now. Don’t leave anything out.” 

Aurora and Helene find a small Italian restaurant down the street from the hotel and gorge over fresh bread and pasta as Aurora fills Helene in. Aurora is apologizing for the millionth time for being such a shitty friend since she arrived in Italy when her phone rings. Harry’s name is flashing across the screen. Aurora goes to flip it over and silence it but Helene encourages her to answer it through a wink and giggle.

“Hello?” Aurora answers and is greeted by a quick ‘hi’ from Harry on the other end. 

“I need a suit for dinner. Jeffrey is gonna flip if I show up in my track pants and my own merch, again.” He’s rushing through his thoughts, sounds of car horns can be heard in the background. 

“Again?”Aurora questions with a giggle.  

“Rory,” he whines. Aurora can tell he’s panicking but that doesn’t stop her from teasing him. 

“Harry, they’re you’re suits, take whatever one you want, just don’t mess up my perfectly organized wardrobes, please.” She’s trying to hide her laughter but it’s hard when Helene catches on to the conversation and is laughing along too. “Or can you not pick out your own clothes? Gotta pay someone to do it for you?” 

“Ror, I’m serious. Anyways I already tried to get one but I wasn’t allowed to, was told you’re the only one who can do anything with the bloody wardrobe cases.” 

“Wait, you’re telling me, no one will let you have at your own wardrobe? That you paid for?” Aurora doesn’t hide her laughter anymore. “You’re custom wardrobe, with your freaking name sewn into each piece, they won’t let you touch it?” 

“Hah, I can tell you’re getting a real kick out of this. It’s gotta be the language barrier that’s stopping them from letting me get into my shit. Now, help me, please.” Aurora stops laughing when she can tell he’s reached the point of frustration. “I’m on my way to a meeting with Alessandro right now and need one of my suits by 6pm.” 

“Sorry, sorry. No problem. I’ll take care of it. Which suit do you want?”

“Uhm, I don’t know, nothing sparkly, but it doesn’t have to be black, and it needs to be Gucci.” Harry pauses and Aurora is trying to flip through her look book in her head to give suggestions. “I’m wearing the pink gucci tomorrow yeah?” Aurora hums. “Okay. I’ll do that one.”

“Okay, I pull it and send it over to your room in a little bit.” 

“Thank you,” he says and Aurora can hear the relief in his voice. 

“Need anything else, Rockstar?” Aurora asks. The nickname rolling off her tongue was intended to be another dig at him but she quite likes the sound and feel of it. 

“Uhm,” Harry starts, his smile evident in his voice, “could you maybe deliver the suit yourself? Say ‘round 5:30?” Aurora’s watch reads 3:30, a smile now making a show on her face as well. 

“You got it. See you later, Harry.” 

“Oh Aurora,” Helene sighs when she hangs up. 

“What?” She asks through a smile and laugh. 

“Nothing,” she joins in laughing. “S’cute is all. What did the boy need?” 

“Needs a suit for dinner tonight. Guess security won’t let him touch his own clothes.” 

“Ah that’ll be a good one to tease him about.”

“Oh without a doubt.” 

After roaming around the streets of Milan trying to ‘work off’ pounds of pasta the 2 of them inhaled, they make their way to the arena that will host Harry’s show the next night. The errand is quick thanks to security letting them both in right away. They’re laughing the entire time in the arena imagining Harry getting denied access just hours prior. With the bright pink Gucci suit packed into a black garment bag, they head back to the hotel. Helene wants to edit some more photos, she claims, but Aurora knows that she’s just making an excuse so Aurora can show up to harry’s room alone. Silently Aurora thanks her but also curses at her. She really is thankful to have Helene on tour, regardless. She’s her cheerleader, even after only just meeting. 

Aurora can hear Harry’s voice through his hotel room door. The conversation, or what she can hear of it, is one-sided. When she knocks on the door she can make out a muffled, “One second, mum.” There’s a moment of silence before he opens the door to her. “Hi, love,” he greets her with a hand at her waist, ushering her in. He presses a quick kiss to her cheek before returning to his phone call, giving her an apologetic look as well. 

“Okay mum, Aurora is here. I gotta get ready.” Pause. “Muuum,” he groans, “I’ll call you tomorrow before the show, okay?” Another pause. Aurora can’t help but notice the heat that has risen to his cheeks. “Love you too.” He tosses his phone on the nearby couch. “Sorry bout that. You know how mums are…” he says, raising his eyebrows at her. 

“Never answer your calls, then freaks out when you don’t,” she rolls her eyes. 

“Nosy, too, aren’t they?” Harry shakes his head. 

“Without a doubt.” Aurora hangs the garment bag in the closet near the door. “Are you close with your mom?” She curiously asks. She’s heard he is, but there’s been no evidence of it in her time knowing him. Not that she doubts it, he can just be a bit closed off sometimes. 

“Very. She’s my hero, if I’m honest.” Aurora’s ears perk up at the honesty. 

“I could say the same about my mom,” she barely comments before Harry’s pulling her into a hug. His face finds the crook of her shoulder and he squeezes tightly around the middle. 

“Can we stop talking about our mums,” he says as he brings his face back so he can see her, his grip barely loosening on her waist, “cause I don’t wanna be thinking about my mum when I kiss you.” Aurora is a little taken aback by his frankness for a second. A giggle leaves her lips and she just nods, afraid her voice won’t come out if she opens her mouth to talk. “Good,” is all he says before connecting their lips. Aurora can feel Harry smile into the kiss and she reciprocates it. One of her hands racks through the short curls at the back of his head and the other softly caresses his jawline. One particularly rougher comb through his hair has him wrapping his arms tighter around her waist, bending her back just a little. Aurora is the one who pulls away first, but only to land a few kisses to his jawline. A groan comes from the back of Harry’s throat. He cradles her face in his hands and pulls her into a deep kiss. His kisses are more urgent than they had been this morning. This morning they were both basquing in each others company like time didn’t exist but now it’s a bit more needy. Aurora can almost feel Harry’s frustrations from this afternoon fall away as his kisses slow down. Though the pace slows down, the deep intent of the kiss is still there. 

Harry pulls away now, knowing he’s on a bit of a time crunch and being on the phone with his mum this past half hour has set him back. He’s met with a pout on Aurora’s face. 

“I’ve gotta get ready,” he says with a lopsided smile, his lips a deeper shade of pink than normal. 

“Normally I’m the one trying to get you to stay on schedule,” Aurora teases. 

“I know,” he groans back. “I wish we could just stay here and order in dinner, watch a movie or somethin’. Got this bloody business dinner to go to.” 

“It’ll be okay, H,” she says pulling away to grab his suit out of the garment bag. She checks her watch. She can hear him groan quietly again and laughs. 

Aurora’s fixing how his suit jacket lays on his shoulders when she can feel him smiling down at her. She raises an eyebrow at him and he responds with a light kiss to her forehead. 

“Everything alright?” Aurora asks when she notices a look on his face that she can’t decipher. 

“Yeah, everything is great,” he says with a smile. “Thanks for taking care of me, love.” He says once he’s got his shoes on and is ready to leave. 

“It’s my job, isn’t it?” 

Harry pauses before responding, “I mean, yeah, but still. Thank you.” He seals the thanks with a soft peck to her lips. “I’ve gotta go, but I wouldn’t mind if you were still here when I get back…” Harry quickly states. 

Aurora gives him a face that she hopes relays her confliction. “I should probably head to bed early.” She pushes up to the tips of her toes and presses her lips to his for a few seconds. “I’ll see you tomorrow, okay?” 

“Well promise me lunch tomorrow then yeah?” 

Aurora rolls her eyes, “okayyyy,” she trails on as she makes her way to the door after grabbing her jacket and purse from the chair. “Bye, Harry! Enjoy dinner and tell Alessandro I’m his biggest fan!” She turns around in the open doorway, “Wait, don’t actually tell him that. Okay bye!” 

| | | | |

Aurora is awakened the next morning by a courtesy wakeup call and then a knock at her door no more than a minute later. When she opens the door, the same dark haired hotel worker greets her from the morning before. He wheels in a room service cart that’s beautifully presented with a full breakfast and fresh coffee. She shakes her head when she notices the note, “Rory” scribbled on the envelope. She tips the young man before closing the door behind him. 

Meet me in the lobby @ noon for lunch xx Harry. 

Harry takes her to lunch at a nearby restaurant and they’re both so overwhelmed with all of the incredible options on the menu that they share 3 different plates of pasta and order a few more dishes to-go and bring them back to the arena for dinner and to share with whoever wants some. 

“If I don’t nap in the next 45 minutes I’m going to be useless tonight. Mind if I just meet you at the arena later? I gotta pack up my stuff too.” Harry smiles at her and nods. 

“Of course,” he takes one last sip of the iced tea in front of him. “I’ve got a call to hop on in an hour anyways” 

“Shall we?” Aurora asks, grabbing her purse that’s slung off the back of her chair. 

“There was one thing I wanted to talk to you about quick,” Aurora relaxes back into the chair. Relax is the wrong word cause she’s far from relaxed right now. She nods slowly trying to seem calm. “So the dinner last night was about a shoot I’m doing soon.” She shakes her head. “What?” 

“Harry, you lead into that way too seriously, I thought you were gonna say- I don’t know what but it def didn’t feel like you were about to talk about a business dinner,” she laughs and Harry leaves out a short chuckle. 

“Sorry,” he apologizes, “but I mean, I guess it is kind of serious, but business, work kind of serious.” Aurora’s eyebrows raise as she nods her head urging him to go on. “So I’m doing another Gucci Campaign and we’re shooting, here, in Italy in May, during one of the breaks.” 

“Congrats! That’s incredible, babe!” 

“Thanks,” he says with a soft smile. “I was wondering if you would wanna come with and work the shoot? Lambert will be there and all of Gucci’s team, too.” 

Aurora feels the heat rise to her cheeks and then to the tips of her ears. She can’t help the smile that breaks across her face. At a lunch in the middle of Italy, on a beautiful spring day, belly full of to die for pasta, she never would have dreamt she would be here, having someone, nonetheless, Harry Styles, asking her to work on a Gucci Campaign photoshoot. 

“It would cut your break short. You wouldn’t be able to go home for as long as you probably planned, but it’d be a paid job. Only if you want,” he pauses, “and you don’t have to make the decision now.” He pauses again. “You can also say no right now.” 

“Say no?” She questions him in disbelief, her jaw dropping in surprise. “You really want me there? I can’t imagine they don’t have enough people on the team to really need me? A Gucci photoshoot? Harry! How could I even think about saying no?” She’s ecstatic. 

“Might be sick of dressing me up by then,” Harry jokes. 

“I could never,” she states quickly. “Harry, seriously, thank you so much. I don’t know if you understand or not, but this is a huge fucking deal for me.” She almost whispers to herself, “A gucci photoshoot? What?” Harry catches it though and can’t help from grabbing one of Aurora’s hands and pressing a kiss to her knuckles out of sheer endearment. 

“I’ll have Lambert send over the contract ASAP.” 

Walking back to the hotel, Aurora feels so much lighter than she had a few days ago when she arrived in Italy in a fog. She can’t help herself when they’re waiting at a corner for the walk signal to change and she reaches up on her toes and presses a quick kiss to Harry’s cheek. He squeezes her hand in response. The looming thought of someone seeing them together in public is always there but they don’t give it a second thought. 

“Harry?” Aurora questions when she sees him smiling in the mirror. They’re in his dressing room at the arena and she’s helping him get dressed in the same suit he wore to dinner last night. He hums back at her. “Whatcha smiling at?” she asks through a giggle. 

“Just thinking, really.”

“Thinking about what?” She asks as she grabs his suit jacket. Harry slides his arms into each sleeve before turning around to face Aurora. He lets his head roll on his shoulders, like he’s preparing himself for what he’s about to admit, before meeting her eyes. 

“Just that this suit is kinda like the one I wore on The Today Show.” Aurora’s hands halt their movement when she realises how right Harry is. 

“You mean the one you managed to rip a hole in minutes before you were performing live on national television?” 

“Mmmm, yes, but it’s also the first day I met you.” 

“Don’t start getting all soft on me now, Harry.” Aurora closes Harry’s suit jacket and buttons it close for him. One of Harry’s hands reaches for Aurora’s cheek before he presses a soft, sure kiss on her forehead. “Think this might be one of my favourite suits, then.” 

“You say every suit is your favourite.” Aurora rolls her eyes at him, but before she can make eye contact again he’s kissing her. 

“I do like this one better than the one from the Today Show,” Aurora says when they break away. Harry’s right eyebrow quirks up in question. Aurora runs her hands down the front of the jacket and unbuttons it, revealing the sheer white floral shirt underneath. “This shirt is MUCH better than the black one.” She begins tracing the black ink that shows through the fabric. Harry tucks some of Aurora’s hair behind her ear so he can still see her face a bit while she continues to lightly drag her finger over the fabric. She begins to travel down to where the laurels peak out but hesitates and brings her hands up to the swallows on his chest. Harry notices the deliberate change in direction and lets out a short chuckle. “What?” Harry shakes his head. 

“Nothing, you’re just cute.” Before Aurora can respond he’s pressing a quick kiss to her lips and then running to the bathroom to finish getting ready.  

Thanks for reading !!! I really hope you enjoyed ittttt ! comments & feedback are always welcome, reblogs are encouraged !!!! 

love you mean it. 

[sebbybooks]

Our Vintage Summers(PT3)

Sebastian Stan x Fanfiction

"All I need is to remember

how it was to feel alive."

-Aurora

My eyelids were heavy as I tried to flutter them open. Slowly my vision came back to me as the blurbs of light and shapes began to take on real form. I had to steady my breath careful not to let my nerves takeover because it took me a while to adjust to my surroundings to figure out where I was and how I ended up back in this old bedroom of mine. I stared mindlessly up at the ceiling watching the cracks that formed around the dandelion shaped crystal chandelier that once radiated the most calming ambient light. As I stare at it now I see that it is nothing more than a hideous piece of architecture from my hellish childhood. Memories began to accompany the pain then right on time images of Sebastian fading into nothing flashed through my brain.

I jolted myself forward when realization finally kicked in but my attempt to get of out bed was short lived. I was met with a stabbing pain that shot through my head at full force that made me wince. I squeezed my eyes shut feeling like at any minute I was going to be sick. You would think I took a nasty beating to the skull from how badly it hurt.

I couldn't move the lower half of my body if I wanted to. I was tightly tucked underneath the duvet that I was burning up under. I laid there immobile and in misery. I couldn't call out for anyone all of my energy felt depleted and I was starting to feel dizzy on top of it. The thoughts in my head wouldn't slow down as they danced around taunting me. The only face I wasn't able to escape belonged to the one person that made me feel like I was going completely insane. Hell, maybe I was going a little mad. There was no way what I saw was real. How could I explain seeing a person vanish before my very eyes? The short answer was I couldn't.

Suddenly the door to the bedroom shot opened I was able to lift my head to look to see who had entered. Quickly coming over to the bed I saw out of the corner of my eye it was my sister Anya. The look of concern she wore on her face quickly diminished when she looked down and saw that I was conscious.

"You're awake!" She whispered. Anya's pinched expression was replaced with a toothy smile. "You had us worried sick Sia. Justin just found you face down on the kitchen floor." I could hardly find it in me to speak so I just let out a exasperated sigh in response. She brushed through my hair gently with her hand careful not to press down on my head too hard, brushing my hair away from my face. I was grateful for that because my hair was starting to cling to my skin. It felt like I was getting hotter and hotter by the second I needed a fan or a window to be let open. I feared I might be at risk of passing out again.

"Jesus Sia you are burning up." Anya said finally stating the obvious as she flipped her hand back and forth over my forehead. I used all the energy I had to raise my hand to motion that I needed air. "Let me go get you an ice pack and turn the AC up." She said as she started to turn around to leave.

"Anya." My voice came out like a croak.

"Yeah sis?"

I had to move my tongue around in my mouth a few times to get a bit of moisture flowing. My throat was so incredible hoarse I could hardly understand my own voice. Plus it pained me to even move my jaw in the slightest. I needed to know so I used all that I had to say his name. "Sebastian?"

Her brows furrowed in confusion as she looked back at me like I had a horn coming from the center of my forehead. Thinking she didn't hear me I attempted to utter his name again. This time she reacted as if I was the one confused. "Sia you hit your head pretty hard now you're just saying random names. Maybe Remi was right and we need to call an ambulance."

I began to pull myself up, but again quickly regretted it. "Anya where. . . where did he go?"

Standing in the middle of the doorway. "Where did who go?" I could hear the genuine frustration laced in her tone.

"Sebastian?" I spoke his name like I was unsure of who I was referring to myself.

Defeated she stared back at me with pity and worry in her eyes. "We met a lot of people at grandma's funeral, but we don't know anyone by that name. The only people here with us is Justin, Remi, and Gavin remember? I'm going to give Dr. Thomas a call after all to see if he will come out and look at you just to be sure that you're ok." She huffed out as she pulled her cellphone from her back pocket.

I don't know why but my eyes began to cloud over with tears. "He showed up to the house tonight right as the storm rolled in." Listening to the sound of my own voice it sounded like I had an ugly cold. I could tell she was trying to ignore me. Despite how badly it hurt to talk I kept going. "We met him earlier on the beach Anya, mom introduced him to us. Sebastian told us that he knew our grandmother why aren't you listening to me?" As delusional and pathetic I must've sounded to top it all off I started to sob uncontrollably. It hurt to even puff out a breath of air. Wet hot tears rolled down my face. I was losing it.

"Hello Dr.Thomas this is Anya Foxwood, Nora and Keith's daughter. I am terribly sorry to be disturbing you this late I wouldn't have called if I didn't think it was an emergency." I began to block the sound of my sister as I reclined my tired body back onto the bed.

The rain that continued to pour down from the sky loudly started to pick up and beat against the windowsill. The drumming sound of thunder accompanied it in the background to add to the mix of noises. Teardrops pooled from the corners of my eyes. I was engulfed in an uncomfortable wave of sadness that I myself couldn't even explain. I didn't want to admit it but I swear it felt like my heart was crying out for him. Which was the strangest sensation I didn't even know him! I started to even second guess if he was real. An that all of this was just apart of a cursed day that refused to end.

I sank my body down further into the bed trying to hold on to the last details of Sebastian and I's conversation. I had this gut feeling about him that I had trouble deciphering if was good or bad. Yet, my wild emotions that jumped out in his presence urged me to quell any doubts that I had. Which was an unsafe mindset I found myself trapped in. He was on the verge of telling me something that he so desperately wanted me to know. Then shit went supernatural.

The room fell silent I didn't even notice when Anya stepped away. She closed the door closing off what little air I did receive. It felt like a sauna in here. I could barely catch my breath. I assumed the pain in my head was worsening because it started to feel like I was spinning, despite the fact I was laying completely still. In all honesty at the risk of sounding dramatic I was convinced in this moment I was dying. I've never had a migraine make me feel like my brain was hemorrhaging painfully slow. I wanted to scream out in agony but my throat felt restricted unable to call out for help. I barely could move a muscle and that was the scariest part of it all. I waited for it to get worse so it would finally be over. I had no choice but to accept whatever was to come freeing me from this torment.

Gasping for air at this point I closed my eyes thinking it would help bring me an inkling of comfort to ease my suffering. Almost on an instant my limbs began to feel more relaxed and a sense calmness washed through my body. I could feel rays of sunlight grazing every inch of my skin. Through my closed eyelids the lights grew brighter like I was laying under direct sunlight of some sorts. When I tried turning on my side I felt tiny grains of sand underneath me and that's when my eyelids shot open. Clearly I died or was dreaming. Somehow I ended up back on the beach

As I raised myself from the sand I looked around in confusion as I watched the strangers around me partake in the elements around them. Couples were strolling alongside the water, children were playing in the sand, families were huddled together smiling and laughing. I scanned the area around me all appeared normal, except something was definitely off.

Pushing myself up I had to quickly access my attire it felt like I was nearly naked. I was dressed in a blush pink high waisted polka dot bikini with a swim top that left none to the imagination. It didn't take long for me to pick up on the attention I was attracting. Mothers with their children stared back at me with disdain while their husbands were doing a poor job hiding the fact that they were skeevy. While it was apparent I stuck out like a sore thumb I noticed something about everyone's choice of modest swimwear and style. They all looked like they stepped out of a scene from a Fitzgerald novel.

A loud nervous laugh escaped from me and I quickly clamped my hand across my mouth. I could sense myself starting to panic, clearly I was experiencing a very realistic dream. I felt every sensation like it was happening in real time. Squinting my eyes from the bright sunlight I was slightly terrified to move and explore my new location. What startled me the most was the fact that I recognized exactly where I was. Spinning around on my bare feet in the hot sand the only thing that was familiar to me was seeing that my grandmother's house was still sitting on the sand dune up ahead.

"How in the hell?" I said aloud, my voice trailing off as I tried to screw my head on straight. The Victorian styled beach house was nearly unrecognizable. Its previous cold and uninviting essence on the outside was replaced with a great deal of decadency and warmth. There were no longer old vines that clung to every crevice on the house. Lively blue and violet hydrangeas adorned it instead as they climbed up the structure of the house. The dead shrubbery was replaced with vibrant yellow forsythia plants that lined against the house. On the front lawn children joyfully chased after a rabbit while men and women whose faces I didn't know were scattered across the front of the house engaged in a party. From the looks of it they were having a good time. All the years I've seen that house it never looked more alive.

"HEY LADY WATCH OUT!!" Before I could move fast enough to see who was shouting to get my attention I was taken out by a flying blue frisbee. Thankfully it missed my face but the thick plastic disc went straight to my neck knocking the wind out of me. Doubling over in pain I crouched down trying to stop my uncontrollable coughing attack. I gasped for air right as I noticed two sets of feet quickly pick up that weapon and take off running in a fit of laughter.

"Those little shits are you alright Miss?" By now surely I could recognize that voice which made my heart flip in my chest. I looked up as I brought my hand to massage the area of impact on my neck. "Sia?" Sebastian said my name carefully upon recognition.

I couldn't blink. If I did I was one hundred percent certain he would waste away again. He didn't look like he did when I last saw him in my grandmother's kitchen. Eyeing him I noticed that he was an exact replica of the man I saw in the photo I found. There was a sun kissed tan to him, his hair was shorter and tindruls of curls fell on his forehead. He was even dressed in the same opened buttoned white linen shirt and blue and white swim shorts. The more I noticed that the similarities were exactly the same my knees started to tremble and I was close to falling onto my ass until Sebastian reached out and grabbed me. Slightly tilted off balance he kept his arms arms secured around my waist so that I wouldn't fall down. I gave into my weight trusting that he would hold me steady. I no longer cared to try to rationalize what on earth was happening. I tipped my head back up at him still in utter disbelief , "You remember who I am?"

He looked down at me and I'm sure we mirrored the same shocked expression. "Of course I remember." Sebastian's chest was rising and falling at a fast speed. The grip he had on my frail frame tightened but it wasn't an uncomfortable feeling. He was holding onto me almost as if he was afraid to let go.

His focus never drifted away from my face which caused me to feel bashful underneath his affectionate gaze. For a minute I was concerned that he had gone mute, sensing what I was thinking he positioned me back on my feet backing away to put distance between us. Sebastian looked like he was fighting with himself to come near me again. My hands twitched just to touch any part of him. I was tired of fighting what I couldn't understand.Hiding my disappointment I looked away just long enough to catch my breath stealing a glance of the house once again. "I have been telling myself not to freak out, but I'm starting to fail miserably."

"None of this is going right." His shoulders were tense like he was unable to relax any muscle. It was visible that whatever was bothering him was making him upset. "I'm still trying to make sense myself, but for right now I need you to trust me so we can get you somewhere where she won't be able to find you like this."

.....

(A/N* Hi beautiful creatures! I know it's taken me a while to update this fic, for a minute I was unsure if I wanted to continue writing it. I promise not to take forever to upload the next part! Just an fyi If you had ever asked me to tag you the reason I didn't was only due to the fact it has been such a long time. Therefore I had it in the back of my mind you simply forgot about it (which is fine!). If you want to know when I post the next part just let me know and I'll happily do so! I hope you guys are having a wonderful day or night! If not I promise it'll get better😘)

[justsimplypretty]

miss independent - (z.k.)

Storyline: Story about the reader and Zion dealing with him leaving soon for tour. The reader is claiming to be fine with Zion gone but Zion shows her just how wrong she is. 

Author’s Note: After much debate I finally decided to post my first imagine/smut EVER! Whew… this was heated to write though it’s crazy. So open to any feedback or request from you guys. Thanks to all the accounts who convinced me to post! Much love!! <3

*Apologies for any grammatical errors I didn’t catch haha*

Warning: SMUT WARNING 

Word count: 2.6k

It had been one of the most exhausting days at work yet. You couldn’t seem to get anything right and you were downright a complete mess. Emotionally, you felt on edge all day constantly finding yourself aggravated by the smallest inconvenience. Physically, you couldn’t find an ounce of energy to make it through any task. No matter how many Starbucks coffee runs you had your assistant make or how many Instagram scrolling breaks you took to take your mind off of the day, you couldn’t seem to find a fix. It wasn’t until you hopped into your white exterior, leather black interior Range Rover and began driving to you and Zion’s shared penthouse apartment that it dawned on you.

Zion was leaving for tour in the morning and as much as you refused to admit to yourself all day, it was hitting you harder than you anticipated. You and Zion had been together almost two years now. And though this wasn’t your first tour experience with him, it didn’t make you feel any less gloomy about being apart from your best friend for so long.

See, last time he toured it didn’t go so well. Coming home was so lonely, FaceTime with him only made you miss him more. And whenever you did fly to see him preform for the night, it only ended with you in tears, embraced in his arms with a tight hug at the airport the next morning. He hated seeing you like this so much last time that when talk of a new tour began amongst the boys and management eight months ago, he almost backed out. But after much convincing to him that you would be fine and too overwhelmed and busy with work to even be sad by the whole tour, he agreed to go. “I can take care of myself Z I’ll be fine” had become a repetitive phrase for you these past few months. But it wasn’t until this night drive home and a quick glance down at your watch, realizing Zion’s flight left in eight brief hours made you come to the conclusion that you’d been lying all these months. To yourself and most importantly to Zion. You really weren’t doing well with the thought of him leaving. But you knew you had to keep the act up for just a little longer. Just long enough for him to continue believing you won’t be a complete train wreck so he could board the flight. Because you knew deep down inside he would postpone the first few shows if he knew your true feelings.

You pulled up into your reserved spot in the garage of the complex, and immediately pulled yourself together trying not to seem like a thousand thoughts had been running through your head in this short twenty-five minute car ride home. On the long elevator ride up, you prepped yourself with some encouraging, but clearly untrue words. “You’re gonna be fine… he won’t even be gone that long... six months of him living on the road is nothing… you don’t “need” him here to be okay…you can take care of yourself…” you said lastly with impeccable timing as the two elevators doors opened and you stepped into the living room. You threw your black vintage Channel bag down that Zion had bought you a few months prior and immediately began scanning the apartment for him.

You ended up finding him in your shared bedroom, emptying the drawers one at a time setting the clothing into either one of his many suitcases.

“Baby… I didn’t even hear you come in” he said walking over to you as he tossed the t-shirt in his hand back into the drawer so he could hug you. He wrapped his firm arounds around your waist as your hands instinctively wrapped around his neck. He placed a couple light kisses on your cheek before looking back into your eyes.

“Yeah I was pretty silent coming in” you trailed on. You must have had a rather somber tone in your voice when you spoke since it caused Zion to turn his head a little sideways in confusion. You continued talking.

“Um i’m going to take a quick shower so we can head to bed. Gotta be up super early you know.” And before he even got the chance to respond to your rather short comments, you quickly ran into the bathroom, closing the door, and turning the water on high. You let out a huge sigh in relief of having escaped the many questions you were sure Zion had about the way you were acting. Since Zion knew you better than anyone else, you were sure he knew something was up. But again, you just needed him convinced that you were okay enough for him to leave.

You took the longest shower ever in hopes that Zion would be asleep when you got out. That way, you could just crawl into bed question free for the night. You threw on your go to black lace pajama set and opened the bathroom door. You walked into the bedroom to find him sitting with his back against the headboard of the bed, shirtless, scrolling on his phone. You quickly tried to crawl from the bottom of the bed to the top, in a hurry to get to sleep and avoid Zion. But he stopped you half way on your crawl up by his legs.

“Woah woah woah what’s the rush to get to bed tonight?” He said bringing your legs over so you were now sitting in-between his. “I’m just tired Z and we have to be up in a few hours that’s all” you said trying to sound as carefree as possible. “You’re sure that’s all?” he questioned. “Positive” you snapped trying to just end the conversation. “So this has nothing to do with me leaving for tour in the morning right?” he replied catching on quickly to the cause of your unfamiliar behavior. “Why would it? I told you for the millionth time I can take care of myself while you’re gone I’ll be fine” you said with a bunch of attitude, but still not feeling convinced in your own mind. You apparently didn’t sound to convincing to Zion either as he quickly raised a brow at you.

“Really? So what about when you’re bored at home alone?” he said. “Easy, I’ll just call the girls over for a movie night” you said confidently referring to the other girlfriends of Prettymuch.

“Oh yeah? And what about when you’ve had a stressful day at work?” he continued to list. “Simple, I’ll just take the next day off and book a spa appointment instead” you reassured him being proud of your two for two correct answers to Zion’s questions.

“I see… so what happens when you need to feel good?” he teased with a smirk on this face. “When what?” you said acting like you didn’t understand his question when in reality you knew all too well what he was referring to. “You heard me. When you need to feel good…” he continued as he brought your legs from in-between to around him so you were now straddling his lap. “…when it’s late at night and you’re squirming in our bed… and you’re turned on and needing me so bad you just can’t take it anymore” he said in a deeper and slower tone than he had before. “I-I’m going to take care of myself then too” you said slightly stuttering over your sentence. “Oh word? You sure about that baby?” Zion replied as he placed both hands on your ass and continued to rub lightly.

“Yes…why you don’t think I can?” you snapped while trying to avoid the feeling of his hands on your body. “I mean I’m not denying you can but I can promise you one thing…” Zion said. “And what’s that?” you replied rolling your eyes. “It won’t feel as good as having me deep inside you…” Zion whispered into your ear sending chills through your whole body.

Part of you wanted to give into him right then and there and tell him he was right. Nothing felt as good as having him inside of you. But you knew you had to keep him convinced that you’d keep it together without him around. “Oh yeah? Guess I’ll have to show you just how good I can make myself feel” you insisted as you got from on top of Zion’s lap and back in-between his legs. This time, you laid with your back against his now hard as your head rested on his toned stomach. You wiggled your way out of your shorts and began rubbing yourself from outside your laced panties. Zion watched with shocked eyes from above. He had never seen you so determined to prove him wrong. Especially with something like this. He didn’t know what to do or how to feel but what he did know is that you looked insanely sexy touching yourself in-between his legs. You continued going with light moans escaping your mouth.

You were so intent on him seeing you pleasure yourself without his need. “Take them off baby and let’s see what you really got” Zion said as he watched you slide the lace down. You went as slow as possible taking them off, turning Zion on even more than before. Once they were off, you let your fingers continue. You moved two of them in fast motions over your clit just the way Zion would normally start out on you. “Ughhh baby…” you moaned out in pleasure. “Slide your fingers in mamas just like I would do next” Zion snapped with so much lust in his voice it made you more wet with every word. You inserted both of your fingers going slowly as you adjusted around them. Your head flew back and you were immediately met with Zion’s eyes above you.

“I know your body all to well baby…” he said as he begin to whisper into your ear. “…and you’re going to have to go much faster than that if you want to make yourself cum” he continued causing you to pick up your speed. After a few minutes and more encouraging words from Zion, you were a mess laying against him. Moaning and screaming from pleasure. His eyes never left you as if he had never seen something so beautiful yet so sexy in his life. You could feel the effect you were having on him with how hard he was all pressed against your back. At this point you knew, if Zion was the one pleasuring you, he’d stop right here and begin fucking you senseless until you came for him. And that was all you could think about. Him sliding so easily inside of you, stretching you out to this unexplainable yet overly pleasurable feeling. And suddenly, before you knew it, your fingers were no longer filling you up the way you knew only he could. And as much as you didn’t want to and completely refused to do earlier you felt it was only right to finally admit.

“Z baby…” you moaned still fingering yourself getting little to no pleasure.

“Yes angel? What is it?” Zion said as he lowered his face to meet yours. “I-I fucking need you” you surrendered to him.

The smirk that came over Zion was one of complete satisfaction. Zion knew you were a very independent person. You had been long before you met him. It was one of the many things that he adored most about you. You didn’t need him for financial boost, social boost, or even confidence boost. And he knew this all too well. You had all three on your own. But something about you needing him sexually. You being so needy for his pleasure. And you being so willing to do whatever to receive it… drove him crazy.

“Tell me what you need from me (Y/N)” he replied. “I n-need you to f-fuck me please” you continued your stuttering with quick breathes. “Oh but I thought you could take care of yourself babygirl?” Zion teased. “I-I just can’t baby please I’m begging you I need you” you yelled. “Gosh just fuck me Zion” you continued still trying to find the slightest amount of pleasure in your own fingers. That was the last thing Zion needed to hear before he flipped you over, pulled your shirt from over your head, and placed you on all fours.

He got off the bed and quickly removed his pants and Calvin Klein boxers in one quick motion. He then dragged you by your weak legs over to the edge of the bed where he stood, slowing inserting his tip into you. He teased for a little before you lost it. “No teasing daddy ple-“ you tried to say before being interrupted by him slamming into you. He gave you no time to adjust to how big he was. You were a total screaming mess. Profanities flying across the room from both of you as your wetness trickled down your legs. The legs you were certain wouldn’t allow you to walk tomorrow. But you didn’t care. All you could think about was how good your boyfriend was making you feel right now. Going faster and faster as the minutes went on.

“Keep throwing it back for me mamas…” Zion said with breathy moans. You did as you were told and kept it going back for him. He slapped your ass every so often which only made you want to go faster for him. “Gosh you’re such a good girl for me baby you’re t-taking me so damn well… f-fuck” Zion said stuttering from the immense pleasure he was feeling of you being wrapped around him. You knew you’d get a few complaints in the morning from neighbors about how loud you two were being, but neither of you cared.

“Who makes you feel this good baby tell me” Zion demanded as he grabbed a hand full of your hair causing your back to arch. You couldn’t handle the sensations flowing through your body. You couldn’t even form words at this point. “Tell me baby or I’m going to stop and let you take care of yourself” Zion emphasized, mocking your earlier remarks of being able to make yourself feel this good. “Only you Z only y-you.. fuck I’m cumming..” you screamed. “Let it out for me angel... let me feel you cum for me” he ordered. Your climax hit you harder than ever before as Zion followed quickly after feeling you clench around him.

You fell onto the bed, weak legs and all, still gasping for air. Zion giggled as he went over to his suitcase grabbing a t-shirt and shorts, then placing the large graphic tee over your head and the shorts on himself. He crawled into bed with you swiftly facing you towards him and placing a kiss on your head. “How am I suppose to leave you in a few hours after that? You need me baby” he said with a little sadness in his voice. For the first time all night, you were finally honest with Zion when you said “I need you more than ever…” with so much love in your eyes. “…so looks like I’ll be joining you more on tour than we had originally planned” you continued with a smile. Zion followed you with a smile appearing across his face also. “Sounds perfect to me” he said pulling you into him.

“I love you so much Z” you said. “You’re everything to me baby I love you” was the last thing you remember him saying before your eyelids became heavy and you fell into a deep sleep, feeling at ease with the upcoming tour for the first time tonight.

[clownsgobeepbeep]

Save the Last Dance for Me

It was my intention to write this before Christmas and even before the year ended but oh heck. So, sorry this took so long. I even rewrote this thing twice and attempted to make it shorter, which kind of worked...this is long

There was somebody else who I was going to write into this, but I think I may make a side fic for that uwu I also was going to add something else at the end, but I think I’ll also make a separate fic for that considering how it’s a little important. Hopefully these two things come after the next story part that I’m gonna work on asap ^^’

Technically, we have some introductions~

Anyways, tagging @grotesquegabby and @post-itpenny because some of yours are in this 

He wondered to himself how it was he had been convinced to attend the so called “Snowball Dance”.

He never did like those kind of events, or any events really. He wasn’t a people’s-person. He preferred to be alone.

Unfortunately, Schrader was starting to learn that life could not always be that way.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“It’s better when things are a surprise, right?”

“A surprise?”

“Sure, you’ll surprise her with some nice dance moves. People usually like that in a partner.”

One day long ago, Schrader had met a pair of kids. Siblings specifically, but not his. None of his siblings cared about him, with the strange exception that was his brother Walter.

“But...why?”

“Dancing is a form of expression, just like music. That’s why you play your guitar, right?”

“I guess.” Schrader replied to the girl he learned was named ‘Hazel’; she had insisted that she and her brother had to help Schrader. “But...does she even like to dance?”

“Of course she does.” ‘Hazel’ gave a sigh that sounded nearly defeated. “Ula loves all that kind of stuff. In fact, she’d love it if she was serenaded one day.”

“She...she would?” Schrader perked up before he looked down at his guitar. “What kind of music does she like?”

“That doesn’t matter right now, what matters is that you get off your butt so we can continue with our dance lessons.” the girl took hold of Schrader’s hands after her brother took his guitar and carefully placed it somewhere else. “At school dances, you can just go crazy and dance whatever the heck you want, but we don’t want that. You want to impress Ula.”

“What are we gonna do this time then?” Schrader turned and felt as he was pulled up by Hazel who fixed him so that they were in a dancing position. 

“Today I’ll teach you one of the most important kinds of dances.” Hazel lifted her chin in attempt of matching up to Schrader’s height. “Slow dancing.~”

“Slow dancing? Like…” Schrader blinked a few times before a red tinted his fair cheeks. “Like...something romantic?”

“Exactly!” Hazel exclaimed with a grin and bright eyes. “Ula loves that corny stuff, just how she loves all those gifts you give her all the time.”

“But...she thinks those are from…” Schrader glanced over at Basil who leaned against a tree near the pair. “Him.”

“That’s why you’re going to the dance.” 

“I don’t really wanna go to the dance though.” Schrader sighed. “It’s...not my thing...why not just bring her to the park? You guys are good friends with her.”

 “You’re going to the dance,” Hazel huffed out before giving a sweet smile.. “So she can know it’s you who gives her those gifts, so she can finally meet her secret admirer. So she can finally notice you, and nobody else.~”

Schrader’s mind was soon filled with images of a certain boy, one he did not particularly feel very fond of. The thoughts made him bite the inside of his cheek as he resisted clenching his hands that were held by the girl in front of him; so he looked down at her with a face of determination.

“When is this, dance?”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Schrader?”

“W-what?”

The boy shook his head for a moment before turning it to the left; there he was able to see the sight that was what most would have considered a young man driving a vintage car.

Both of his hands were on the steering wheel of his car, yet every single one of his fingers tapped along to the music that played from his radio. A smile adorned his face that was only brightened with the sight of his eyes, these taking glances every now and then to his left where the passenger seat of his car was.

“Want me to change the song?”

The other passenger slowly turned to look at him with a blink of his sad eyes, and he gave a shake of his head before sighing as he leaned it into his palm.

“Come on, sing with me then!”

“No.”

“I felt a rush like a rolling ball of thunder! Spinning my head around and taking my body under, oh what a night!” the driver sang along to the song, laughing as an instrumental portion came so he brought a hand to nudge the boy beside him. “Come on, come on! Sing Valli’s part, you always do!”

“No I don’t.” the younger of the two turned to the driver with furrowed eyebrows. “You’re crazy.”

“Come on.”

“No.”

“Oh I, got a funny feeling when she walked into the room!~”

“Walter, stop.”

“Oh Schrader, come on.” the older brother gave a sigh. “What’s the matter? Something is up.”

“Nothing is up.”

“You haven’t talked to...them lately, have you?”

“No.”

“Then what’s up?”

“Nothing.”

“I thought you would be happy about going to the dance.”

“Well I’m not.” Schrader turned to look out the window again. “I don’t want to be surrounded by a bunch of kids I don’t know.”

“You know some of them.”

“No I don’t.”

“You know,” Walter leaned to his side with a chuckle, whispering the last word to his brother. “Dolly.~”

Schrader’s eyes widening at the sound of that word, his head lifting again from his palm before he frowned and shook his head that was yet again in his palm, this making his brother’s smile slightly falter.

“No I don’t.”

“Well, if you want I can turn around and we can just go back to my place to watch Jersey Boys or somethin.” Walter shrugged as he plainly stared at the road. “Too bad you’re gonna miss your favorite song. I personally asked the DJ to find a slow version of it. Guess Dolly’s gonna have to dance with somebody else or, I dunno. Sit alone on the benches.”

“They’re gonna play-!” Schrader turned to his brother with wide eyes again. “Why didn’t you tell me!?”

“Wanted to surprise you.” Walter shrugged as Schrader looked down at his lap. “It’s better when things are a surprise, right?”

Schrader tilted his head a bit at the sound of that phrase, but he shook his head before looking outside the window yet again which made his eyes widen again.

“We’re here.”

“Here? A-Already?” Schrader now looked out the window, his eyes seeing a plethora of balloons and a large sign reading the name of the dance being held in the auditorium of the school Walter’s car was now in front of. “I-I don’t think I can do this.”

“Why not?” Walter blinked in surprise. “Hey, look at me.”

Walter saw his brother turn to him, no longer with a serious expression but instead one of fear and worry.

“Schrader. There’s no need to be worried.” Walter grazed his knuckles against his brother’s jaw in a comforting manner. “You’re looking great. Fantastic. Like a million bucks.”

“No I’m not.”

“Heck yeah you are. You’re gonna slay all those kids in there!” Walter chuckled despite his brother’s shaky nod. “Gonna slay them all dead. You just go in there and have fun, got it?”

“Got it.”

“Want me to go in there with you?”

“No, no.” Schrader held his breath for a moment, finally releasing it before turning to his brother. “I can go in by myself.”

“Great, I’m proud of you. I’ll be parked here the entire time, so you just come whenever you you want.” Walter nodded before patting Schrader’s shoulder. “Good luck in there. Slay Dolly.”

“Okay.”

With another deep breath, Schrader opened the car door before stepping out and turning one more time to look at his brother. Walter gave him one last thumb’s up before Schrader finally made his way into the auditorium.

_____________

“Are you sure this is going to work?” 

With a single nod, the brother of the pair that now walked into the auditorium brought a hand up to slick his hair back before the black locks went back to their original state. His eyes scanned the area as he noticed that those who caught sight of him were no doubt intimidated by his gaze, but there were very few who felt other emotions.

“These guys aren’t ready for me yet.” his sister gave her own scan of the students as they looked her up and down, or more specifically her outfit. “But their kids are gonna love me.”

Basil rolled his eyes until he peered back at the kids, his and his sister’s names being called out by the one who was the most thrilled to see them.

“Where even is he?” Flora turned to look at each side of the auditorium before taking a sniff of the air before the scent of freshly made popcorn hit her nose, making her point to the other doors of the auditorium. “Found him.”

The siblings both stared as the past version of their father made his way after having presented his ticket, bringing a hand up to slick his hair back before the black locks went back to their original state.

Basil nudged his sister which she understood as it was time to go with the other boy, so the pair walked their way until reaching Schrader who was slightly startled once he felt Basil’s tapping on his shoulder from behind.

“Oh, it’s you guys. Hi.” he breathed out before clearing his throat, finally fixing his shirt before facing the siblings. “Um...I’m...I’m not sure what to do now.”

“I’m glad you said that.” Flora gave a bit of a curtsy before motioning to the crowd of dancing kids. “How about a dance first?”

“Oh, I dunno.” Schrader slightly shrugged at such a sight. “That’s a little too much for me, especially because I don’t even go to this school so nobody knows me.”

“Oooh! Then how about we introduce you to Lily then?” Flora suggested with a flutter of her eyelashes, then leaning in towards Schrader before pointing to a section near the DJ’s station. “She’s right over there.~”

“Sh-she is?” Schrader stuttered before his eyes glanced over to the location Flora pointed to, his eyes widening once he spotted a smiling Ula who gleefully danced with her friends. “I-I-I don’t think-”

“I’ll go get her right now!” Flora soon disappeared after having spoken her last words. “Basil make sure he stays there!”

“I don’t want to meet her!” Schrader walked back before bumping into Basil who somehow appeared right behind him, the taller boy’s hands clasped onto his shoulders before the two looked up and down at each other. “At least n-not yet!”

With his never changing expression, Basil quietly sighed when he realized that Schrader’s “cool” had disappeared and replaced with a sense of panic. So, before his sister could return, he decided to release Schrader and take a step away from him. He knew how badly he wanted to be noticed, but he also wasn’t going to force the poor kid.

With a quiet ‘thank you’, Schrader fled from the scene right before Flora came running back with Ula and others right behind her.

“Ula, I want you to meet- where’d he go?” Flora blinked in confusion before her eyes landed on Basil. “Where is he?”

Basil replied with a shrug before he kneeled down, allowing Ula to immediately embrace him as he returned the hug.

“I’m so glad you guys came.” Ula told the siblings after she and Basil parted away, her grin remaining on her features as she eyed the area around the two. “So! Who’d you want us to meet?”

“It was a joke.” Basil signed to Ula before patting himself. “Flora was referring to me.”

Flora frowned up at her brother who ignored her reaction, but the girl then looked behind Ula where she spotted an upset best friend.

“Hi again Atlas.” Flora smirked at the boy who sent a frown of his own towards her. “Having fun?”

“Yeah.” he plainly replied before turning to Ama who was next to him. “Are we gonna go dance again?”

“Oh yeah!” Ama nodded before approaching Flora and taking her hand. “Come on, that’s what we came to do! Dance and have fun!”

“Come on Atlas, let’s dance.” Flora grabbed Atlas with her other hand to pull him away from Ula who was too focused on Basil. “You know how to dance, right?”

“Of course I know how to dance! Hey, let me go!” Atlas pulled his hand away from Flora’s before he glared at her. “I’m not going anywhere with you, esp-”

“Hey Ama! Atlas!” sounded two more voices before the three saw Jeff and Bubbles go towards them.

“Where did you guys go?” questioned Jeff as he noticed Flora.

“We went over to say hi to Basil and Flora, but she’s with us as you can see.” Atlas eyed Flora a bit before she gave him a smug look.

“And Ula’s over there dancing with Basil.” Ama pointed to where the group now turned to look, Ula holding Basil’s arms which he allowed her to swing around and whatever else she wanted. “They’re having fun.”

“We should have fun too!” the twins exclaimed as they both grabbed Flora’s hands, pulling her deeper into the sea of students before Ama and Atlas were left ‘alone’.

“I thought we were going to dance.” Atlas huffed with his arms crossed, a glare directed towards Basil who gave Ula a spin which made her laugh and her dress twirl beautifully.

“Why aren’t you dancing then?” Ama nudged Atlas’ elbow which made look at her, his glare gone as he blinked a few times. 

“What do you mean?”

“You said we were going to dance, so let’s go.~” Ama wiggled her eyebrows which further confused Atlas, she however only giggled before making her way towards the twins and Flora.

“Ama, wait. Ama what do you mean!?”

_____________

Time proved to go rather quickly after so much dancing, for the Snowball Dance was now halfway to its end. It was clear to see that some kids were already exhausted from all the dancing while others continued to sweat on the dancefloor.

One of these was no doubt Ama who was in between Jeff and Bubbles, all three having the time of their lives. Meanwhile, right beside them was Atlas who’s movements had now slowed, especially as he looked around the area due to the also slowed down music.

On the opposite side of the auditorium was the figure that was Ula, a Ula that was now slightly saddened as she walked towards one of the tables that had been set up for food and drinks. She made her towards one with drinks, a familiar face sitting right behind it.

“Hey there Ula.”

“Hi uncle Vespers.” Ula softly waved at the man who noticed her new mood. “Have you seen my dad?”

“I think he’s helping serve some more food at the moment. Might be out since we’re all rotating positions now that we’re halfway into the dance.” Vespers informed his niece before she placed her hands on the table between them.“You okay?”

“Oh yeah, it’s just that.” Ula closed her mouth for a bit, letting Vespers focus on the song that had started playing a bit earlier, this one being meant for a slow dance. “I dunno. I guess I’m thirsty. What do you have?”

“There’s water, lemonade, fruit punch, soda cans, hot chocolate, and capri suns. What do you feel like drinking?”

“Huh?”Ula turned to look back at her uncle who had been showing the variety of beverages available. “Oh, can I have some lemonade please?”

“Sure thing.” Vespers grabbed a cup to serve up some lemonade.. “Are you going to dance?”

“Dance?”

“Slow dance.” Vespers motioned to the dance floor that he and Ula looked at, nearly every kid paired up with another as they swayed to the music. At least the portion that didn’t feel awkward.

“No, I don’t think so.” Ula shook her head as she accepted her cup. “I don’t have a partner.”

“What about that boy you like?~”

“Pfft, what?” Ula gave an embarrassed scoff before looking down at her lemonade to hide her blush. “I don’t...like him. And his name is Basil. And...he said he wanted a small break, so he’s dancing with his sister.”

“Ah.” Vespers nodded before snapping his fingers. “How about you dance with Jeff?”

“Nah, he’s dancing with Bubbles.”

“Ama?”

“Hm, maybe.”

“Atlas?”

“I don’t think this is Atlas’ kind of thing.” Ula shook her head before finishing the last of her lemonade. “You know he doesn’t like romance and I think a lot of people consider this that, so I don’t think he’d do it.”

“Are you sure?” Vespers chuckled as his eyes looked behind Ula which made her turn to see as Atlas stood behind her as he held his breath.

“Atlas?” Ula made sure to completely face her friend who finally released his breath.

“Ula,” Atlas started before clearing his throat, one of his hands now held out as he bit the inside of his cheek. “Do you...wanna dance?”

“You really want to?” Ula blinked in surprise before Atlas nodded.

“Well, you’re my b-best friend, and I figured you wanted to dance...and you don’t have a partner…” Atlas slightly shrugged. “So...I’ll do it if you want to.”

A smile crept up onto Ula’s features before she placed one of her hands onto the one Atlas offered, making his eyes widen before he was lead onto the dance floor.

“Then, yes.” Ula grinned before she placed her hands on Atlas’ shoulders. “Ready?”

“Uh, yeah.” Atlas shakily nodded before he carefully placed his hands on Ula’s waist.

The pair of friends moved to the music that continued to play, never realizing that from certain locations, they were being watched. However, they remained unbothered for a long remainder of the song, until Ula gave a giggle upon noticing something.

“What is it?” Atlas looked at her strangely. “Is there something on my face?”

“Pfft, no.” Ula shook her head as she bit her lip. “I think there’s something behind you though.~”

Atlas gave a puzzled look at the sky before he turned his head to then give a yelp and jump away from Ula who giggled along with Ama.

“Ama don’t do that.” Atlas pouted as his friends still laughed to themselves. “Gee, the song ended.”

“But another slow one is starting.~” Ama wiggled her eyebrows at Atlas who looked over at Ula.

“You guys dance it.” Ula insisted. “I’m gonna go and sit down.”

“But-”

“Okay!” Ama then turned Atlas so that he could face her, placing her hands on his shoulders which made him blink in surprise. “Come on Atlas, you can dance all you want with Ula in her house.~”

“It’s not that, I, uh- it’s not that I want to dance with her.” Atlas coughed as he placed his hands on Ama’s waist. “I’m just being polite because she’s my best friend and I know she wanted to slow dance.”

“Uh huh.” Ama snickered to herself while Atlas turned to the side, eventually looking back at her. “I’m sure Ula’s just tired.”

“I-I know.” Atlas scoffed before turning back to Ama. “Like I said, I’m being polite, so that’s why I’ll dance with you too.”

As Ama and Atlas continued to dance to the song that currently played, Ula made her way to the benches that were nearly empty save for a couple of students who were too shy to dance with anybody. She sat down on the lowest bench before leaning her chin into her palms as her elbows were propped up on her knees, a sigh escaping her lips.

It was no doubt that she had been having fun at the dance, but something felt off. Perhaps it was because she still hadn't made any new friends, unlike Ama who had gotten an amount of names already and many who were happy to dance with her. Or perhaps it was because there was a slow song playing, and Ula was sitting on the benches while the one she really wanted to dance with was instead dancing with his sister. Maybe if Ula hadn’t hogged him for most of the first half of the dance, then maybe Basil would have been dancing with her right now.

Ula sighed to herself again before she shook her head. She should just ask Atlas if he was willing to dance with her again, because it felt really nice when she danced with him, and he was willing to dance with her too, which was awesome.

But then, she felt herself perk up once she saw that Basil looked over at her, giving her a bit of a nod before he turned back to his sister. This made Ula’s eyes go down to her shoes, her feet moving around a bit to the sound of the music before something made her raise an eyebrow. In front of her feet were another pair of feet pointing towards her, and her eyes trailed up the legs and body they were connected to until her eyes landed on a face belonging to a boy.

Ula lifted her head from her hands to get a better look at this new person; she felt the need to blink a few more times once she looked into blue eyes that no doubt were trying their best to remain on her.

“Can...do you mind if I sit here?” the boy asked with a thick accent.

“N-no.” Ula shook her head with a whisper after somewhat regaining her composure, watching as the surprised boy gave a soft nod before sitting next to Ula. She had somehow forgotten about Basil and Flora, even failing to notice that her best friends watched her from afar nor that one was not quite fond with the way Ula looked at this new boy.

“I’ve heard this song.” Ula whispered as she stared at the boy who glanced over at her, this making her hold her breath for a brief moment. “My uncle really likes the 80’s…”

“It’s a nice song.” 

“It is.” Ula nodded as she looked into the boy’s eyes. “I like your eyes...a lot.”

“You...you do?”

“Uh huh.” she nodded once the boy’s eyes were on her again. “They remind me of...blueberries.”

“Blueberries…” the boy breathed out. “Your eyes are pretty. They remind me of...green grapes. Not the normal one, the ones that taste like cotton candy.”

Ula gave a shy giggle which made her turn away for a bit, then looking back at the boy who gave her a small smile of relief.

“Well, you smell like cotton candy. Like something straight from a carnival.” Ula commented before scooting a bit closer towards the boy. “Do you have a cotton candy heart?”

“I...I dunno.” he shrugged with a bit of blush. “Um...you, uh...Your hair’s also pretty.”

“Thanks. My mother helped me make it wavy like hers.”

“Why did you wave it?”

“Because my mom’s beautiful, so I feel beautiful when I look like her.”

“I think you’re pretty looking like yourself.” the boy quietly coughed as a blush coated his cheeks, then seeing as Ula blushed as well.

“Hey, I didn’t catch your name.” Ula giggled. “My name’s Lily.”

“Oh, ha, right…” the boy felt his eyes move away as he attempted to muster out his name, but it didn’t work quite as he wanted it to. “It’s, uh...F-Frankie…?”

“Frankie.” Ula repeated, then feeling her smile grow. “So, Frankie...what kind of accent is it that you have?”

“A-Australian.” he replied. “My brother also has it, since we’re from there.”

“Is it really crazy like people always say it is?”

“Oh, oh yeah.”he nodded with a small laugh. “One time I woke up with a snake hanging from my ceiling fan.”

“That’s so cool!” Ula surprised the boy with her cheer, but she then shrunk back down after clearing her throat. “I mean...have you ever seen any sharks?”

“Sh-sharks? Oh, sure. Sometimes when you stand on the sidewalk in front of the sand, so far from the w-water, you might see a shark or a crocodile surfing a wave.”

“And have you ever been in the water with them?” Ula beamed enough to not realize the boy’s new state of panic, but she then scoffed at herself. “Who am I kidding? That, that would be dangerous; you can’t go swimming with such animals.”

“Yeah, yeah. No swimming...with those.” ‘Frankie’ nodded before he turned to the side but immediately turning back to Ula once he felt her fingers graze his. “I figure you like sharks…?”

“Oh yeah, threshers are my favorite.” Ula nodded before scooting closer towards the boy. “Do you have a favorite kind of shark?”

“Hm...great hammerhead.”he gave a bit of a shrug, looking down at his feet as he gave the smallest, goofy smile. “ ‘Cause they really nail it.”

“You sound just like my dad.” Ula quietly laughed. “He has the best kinds of jokes for any situation. And-”

“I say my favorites are whale sharks.~” a voice interrupted, making Ula and her new friend to look behind their seat where they were met up with eyes that were below wiggling eyebrows. These eyes then glanced down to the space between the pair sitting down, Ula bringing her hand towards herself as the boy gave an embarrassed cough.

“I also like manta rays and anglerfish though. They have such a nice smile.”

“Ama? What are you doing here?” Ula blinked at her friend who smiled mischievously. “Where’s-”

���Right here.” Atlas was heard behind Ula alone, so she turned to see him give a shrug. “Ama wanted to take a break from dancing.”

“So, Lily, who’s your new friend?” Ama innocently fluttered her eyelashes before a smile was brought back onto Ula’s features. “You look kind of familiar...have I me-”

“No!” the boy shook his head which slightly startled the other three kids. “I mean...no, we’ve never met before...my name is...Frankie.”

“My name is Amaranthus, but you can call me Ama.~”

“I’m Atlas…”

“Frankie’s from Australia.” Ula added on before she once again scoot closer towards the boy, he and her friends taking notice of this, especially with her smitten expression. “Anyways, I’m gonna go get a snack. You coming, Frankie?”

At the sound of that, Atlas and ‘Frankie’ both had their eyes widen before eventually blinking in unison.

“R...Really?”

“Yeah.” Ula nodded before finally placing her hand on top of the boy’s, before securely holding it, but she then turned to Ama and Atlas. “Do you guys want anything?”

“I’m fine.” Atlas muttered to himself, sitting down on a bench right after Ula and her new friend both stood up.

“You can bring me whatever you want.” Ama gave a small smirk at the pair.

“We’ll be right back then.” Ula told her friends before turning to the other boy who softly smiled at her, following right next to her as his grasp on her hand now matched hers.

_____________

“He’s hopeless.”

In yet another part of the auditorium, Flora sat near a table as she brought her palm to her face.

“He’s completely hopeless.” she repeated before looking back at Ula and the ever mysterious boy she now danced with. “Stars, it’s a miracle we were even born.”

Basil glanced down at his sister to stare at her for a moment, then rolling his eyes that eventually lead him to see his mother’s best friends sitting on the benches. He squinted his eyes at the sight of Atlas that was surprisingly more confused than upset; it made sense in Basil’s eyes just as it was a relief that Ula’s attention was completely on the younger version of his and Flora’s father. A relief but Basil did feel...who knew.

“Frankie, stars please...he’s so obsessed with that name!” Flora continued to ramble on which made her brother face her. “Why did he lie!? Now she’s-”

Flora felt as Basil placed a hand on her shoulder, making her now face him.

“What is it?”

She saw as Basil motioned over to the young pair that included their parents; Flora’s eyes widening when she saw that Ula was still holding Schrader’s hand even as they stood before one of the food tables

“Wait, wait, wait. This isn’t some movie with a rushed romance, she can’t already have a crush on him!” Flora shook her head in disbelief.

“Not a crush.” Basil signed which resulted in a now perplexed sister.

“Then what?” she questioned, receiving no response from Basil who instead crossed his arms, almost in a smug manner, before he made his way away from his sister.”Basil. Basil, explain! Basil!”

_____________

“Um, not that I don’t want to,” Schrader glanced down at his and Ula’s clasped hands. “But...can we let go? So we can get the snacks?”

“Oh! Sure.” Ula blushed before retrieving her hand and turning to look at the food table, eyes widening at the sight of familiar green eyes. “Dad!”

“Dad?” the boy also turned to look, panic coursing through him once again as he now locked eyes with Lennie.

“Hey there Ula, and,” Lennie examined the boy for a moment. “Ula’s friend?”

“Yeah.” Ula answered with a nod in an instant. “His name’s Frankie.”

“Oh, well nice to meet you Frankie.” Lennie greeted the boy who was clearly nervous, except to Ula who was too captivated in the moment. “I’m Lily’s dad.”

“Hi, um...M-Mr…”

“Blueblood.” Ula whispered.

“Mr. Blueblood.” Schrader finally mustered out.

“So, what will you kiddos be having?” Lennie chuckled as he looked down at the food in between him and the kids.

“Can you give me some cotton candy?” Ula pointed to the stick that had cotton candy sticking into its various holes. “Blue, please.”

After Lennie took one of the treats down he went over to hand it to Ula, but his eyes widened when he saw that she was busy looking into her new friend’s blue eyes. He recognized this look, he had seen it before not only in Ula with her other friend but her mother as well. To put it simply...it was adorable, but Lennie shook himself out of his thoughts as he remembered the reality. So, Lennie quietly cleared his throat before both of the kids finally turned to him, Ula blushing once again.

“Sorry.” Ula apologized before taking her cotton candy, turning to the boy again. “What do you want, Frankie?”

“Is that,” he looked over at a fancy plate containing bread. “Banana bread?”

“It sure is. No nuts thought because of allergies.” Lennie nodded before grabbing some tongs. “Want some?”

“Yes please.”

“And when you’re done with that, can I also have some cake pops with the snowflake sprinkles?” Ula asked before tapping her chin in thought. 

“What about for your friends?” ‘Frankie’ asked before Ula turned to him with a smile.

“Our, friends.” she giggled for a bit, then being cut off when she heard Lennie clear his throat again. “Heheh, sorry dad.”

“It’s okay. You have a new friend, I understand.” Lennie gave his daughter a warm smile before peering over at the boy beside her. “I trust you and that he’s somebody with good intentions.”

“Well, I sense that he is.” Ula nodded before she took the boy’s free hand again, no doubt surprising him just as much as the first time.

Lennie felt his smile widen just a bit more, even playfully rolling his eyes without the kids’ knowledge. It was adorable, but he just didn’t want his little one to hurt.”

_____________

“We’re back.” Ula announced before sitting next to Ama, oblivious to Atlas look of shock that turned into disappointment once the space in between him and Ula was filled with the newest friend. “We brought hot chocolate for everybody besides snacks and these chocolate spoons my uncle Roger made.~”

“Oooh, yes!” Ama silently clapped her hands before being handed a cup as well as a plate with a doughnut.”

“And we brought Atlas a snowman cookie!” Ula motioned to Schrader who turned to Atlas, noticing the latter’s slight scowl before he handed over the plate and cup meant for him.

“Thanks.” Atlas grumbled out before glancing down at his cookie that had white icing and a marshmallow that were meant to look like a melting snowman. His snowman had a sad face. Nice.

“What did you guys get for yourselves?” Ama asked after taking a bite out of her doughnut.

“Frankie got some banana bread for himself, and I got some cake pops and also cotton candy that’s blue like his eyes.” Ula responded, not even realizing the significance of the last thing she said. “Hey, why’d the music stop?”

The four kids made sure to look towards the DJ station, the person working it making some adjustments before there was the sound of a record scratch followed by singing that made Schrader gulp down his bread rather harshly.

“ I personally asked the DJ to find a slow version of it. Guess Dolly’s gonna have to dance with somebody else or, I dunno. Sit alone on the benches.”

“Lily.” the boy stood up before setting his plate down on the spot he had been previously sitting on.

“Yes?” Ula turned to him before repeating his actions, then blinking when the boy held a hand out towards her, a slight bow following right after but before he spoke.

“Shall we?”

“Uh huh.” Ula placed her hand onto the boy’s before he lifted his head to look up at her in surprise. He however cleared his throat before leading Ula to the dancefloor where they each fixed themselves so that they were in a dancing position.

“I’ve...I’ve heard this song once.” Ula whispered as she stared at the boy who looked down at her shorter figure. “My bestie Ama sang it to me once.”

“Oh. Well, this happens to be...my favorite song.” Schrader told Ula with a small smile before his eyes trailed down her face and too his shoulder after having felt something get stuck on his shirt.

“Oh, sorry about that.” Ula apologized before carefully removing her right hand to remove the left from Schrader’s shoulder. “My ring got stuck.”

“Ring?”

“Yeah, I got it as a gift.”Ula showed off the ring on her finger, then bringing it close to her face so she could admire it herself with a bit of a sigh. “I just don’t know who gave it to me. I had an idea but...maybe it wasn’t him.”

“Who?”

“One of my other friends. He’s actually here too.” Ula shrugged before lifting her arms to place them on Schrader’s shoulders again, but he grabbed her left hand to examine the ring on her finger. “It’s pretty, right?”

“Yeah, I guess it is.” he slightly shrugged before letting go of Ula’s hand to instead place both of his back on her waist. “That person must have worked to get you that.”

Ula bit her lip at Schrader’s words, then giggling to herself before shrugging.

“I don’t know...somebody working to get something, for me? I don’t know…”

“I mean, if it’s a s-secret a-a-admirer we’re talking about...then I guess, they maybe wanna b-be noticed…?”

“But I don’t even know who it is!” Ula gave a bit of a laugh. “And I’m not sure I’ll find out anytime soon…”

“Oh...well, m-maybe someday you’ll know who it is.” the boy’s eyes glanced to the side as he felt his nervousness creep back up. “In fact-”

“Hey lovebirds.~” the pair heard next to them, then turning and seeing Ama who wiggled her eyebrows while she danced with Atlas. “How is your-”

“Ama not now! I’m dancing with Frankie!” Ula exclaimed in a whisper as her cheeks flushes, Ama giggling out an apology before dancing away with a bugged out Atlas.

“You know, I have another name you could call me...that’s not Frankie.” Ula’s partner cleared his throat, not realizing that he slightly squeezed Ula’s waist in his anxiety.   “In fact, Frankie’s more of a n-nickname.”

“Oh! Just like me! Lily’s also kind of like a nickname.” Ula explained before she also cleared her throat. “W-what’s your real name though?”

“Well...I can’t tell you...yet.”

“But...why not?” Ula blinked a few times before hearing an uneasy stutter from her friend.

“There’s something I need to tell you before my name.”

“What is it?”

“I-I-I know we just met but...I need to t-tell you that, uh…I know who your secret a-admirer is.”

“No way.” Ula’s mouth dropped before she stepped closer towards Schrader, a strong heat growing on his face. “Who is it?”

“Um, well.” Schrader started, also starting to regret his life choices. “He...he-”

“It’s a boy…” Ula breathed out before Schrader nodded. “What’s his name?”

“It...it starts with a-an S.”

“But what’s his name?”

“I’ll tell you that...after I sh-show you, him.” the boy bit the inside of his cheek. “But...I need you to close your eyes first.”

“How will I see him?” Ula tilted her head.

“Just...t-t-trust me.”

“Okay.”

“Close your eyes.”

Ula made sure to close her eyes right before she unconsciously twitched her nose, then feeling as her hands were held by her partner’s.

“Okay...you...ready?”

“Yes.” Ula nodded before making sure to remain still before she tasted something, right as a series of gasps were heard.

She felt as her hands were gently squeezed in the boy’s own, and she felt a warmth course through her. This warmth was strange and new, and it started from the ‘tip’ of her lips and traveled through her entire body. The feeling was enough to make Ula’s leg lift itself, something she would have easily described as a ‘pop’ had she been aware that the action was being performed.

After a while, Ula finally decided to act by herself and her eyes fluttered open to a grand surprise.

Her friend was still right in front of her with his eyes slowly opening as well, just as their faces were practically glued onto each other. No, not their faces. Their lips!

“Lily-” the boy pulled himself away, his face somehow becoming even paler than it already was as his eyes widened. “I can-”

“Circus animal cookies.” Ula whispered in bliss as she closed her eyes with a dreamy expression. “That’s the flavor of-”

“Smooch!” exclaimed Ama from behind Ula, startling both Ula and Schrader as Atlas stood by with an expression of disbelief.

“Lily.” Schrader rapidly grabbed Ula’s hands to turn her to him one last time. “I have to go.”

“I, um...well, ok-”

Before Ula could actually muster anything up, she was engulfed in a hug that lasted a few seconds before Schrader fled and disappeared into the crowd of party-goers.

Ula was left standing ‘alone’ before she was immediately approached by her best friends and eventually Lennie, the latter grabbing her to make sure she was alright.

“Ula?” Lennie slightly shook Ula who giggled to herself, right before a literal glow emitted from her cheeks. “Ula!?”

“I wanna do that again.”

[winnipegpatty]

to all the boys i’ve loved before [part i] | s.m.

part ii. part iii.

a/n: hey its your local idiot who accidentally deletes her own writing. i changed the gif bc don’t even try and tell me that doesn’t look like a high school noah centineo esc shawn mendes. 

It was the last dinner as a family before Ari would be going to college. Of course she’d chosen the absolute farthest place she could have picked: England. To celebrate, Dad was making Mom’s famous tamales. Well, he would at least try.

“I hate when he makes tamales” Sofia whined. “He always messes up the masa and it’s all crumbly and dry.”

She was eleven, and she was definitely the drama queen of the family.

“It’s sweet,” Ari cooed as she led Sofia down the stairs, “And no matter how it tastes, you take a big bite and say mmmm just like Mom’s, okay?”  

Sofia rolled her eyes, but nodded in agreement anyway.

Just as the three of them reached the stairs, Josh stepped into the entryway, heading straight for Ari. With a quick kiss, he greeted his girlfriend, before hollering out to their dad in the kitchen. I stayed on the stairs, in the background, as I usually did when Josh was around these days.

“Sof,” Josh greeted her younger sister with a high five.

And finally, me.

Stepping off the stairs, I met him halfway. He high fived me as we all moved into the dining room where Dad was setting the table. Ari went back into the kitchen to get everyone’s drinks fixed up.

“I can’t believe we aren’t going to see Ari until Thanksgiving,” Sofia spoke to the table.

“Well, it’s actually going to be Christmas. England is too far to come home just for Thanksgiving,” their dad answered.

“Christmas?” Sofia asked, looking towards Ari as if she might have a secret trip home planned.

“Look on the bright side,” their dad responded, “Ari won’t be here to hog the car so, Y/N can practice her driving.”

Dad took that moment, to pass out the tamales to each plate, and Sofia noticeably grimaced before covering it with a smile.

“I forgot I had to drive with Y/N now.”

“Feel free to take the bus,” I responded with a roll of my eyes.

“You know if you’re ever in a bind, I can always help out,” Josh offered. He was perfect like that, always offering to help wherever he could. “I’m not disappearing; I still live right next door.”

“Orrrrrr, I could drive. And if we ever get pulled over, we’ll just switch places real fast,” Sofia spoke with exaggerated movements as if reenacting the scenario in her mind.

“Excellent idea, sweets,” their dad chuckled.

Ari returned with drinks in tow, handing one to each person, “What are we talking about?”

“Just how bad of a driver Y/N is.”

“And airplanes,” Josh piped in.

Ari looked at him oddly, “Yeah?”

“Yeah just, ya know...how you weren’t going to be able to come home for Thanksgiving. Which, brings me to this…” Josh dramatically pulled a piece of paper out of his pocket, unfolding it to show Ari. “I thought I’d bring some home to you. I’m coming to England.”

It was a plane ticket.

“Hey, look at Josh steppin up!” Dad cheered from the head of the table.

But Ari didn’t look pleased. In fact, she looked on the verge of irate. “You already bought this?”

Josh stuttered over a few words for a moment before standing up. The tension in the air was palpable, and with just the greatest timing Sof truly has ever had she took a bite of her tamale and said, “Mmmmm, just like Mom’s.”

I guess I should tell you about Josh. For the last two years he’s been Ari’s boyfriend. But before Ari even cared that he existed, he was my first boyfriend. Space between the words boy who was a friend. I could tell him anything. We just really understood one another. He was my best friend. We didn’t exactly stop being friend when Ari and Josh got together, things just became….different. They didn’t want me to feel left out. So they invited me everywhere. Like...everywhere. Even on dates. They tried to make it as normal as possible (for a third wheel, I guess), but it just wasn’t the same. It’s not like I wanted to date Josh or anything. I’m happy for Ari. She deserves an amazing guy like Josh. And so I wrote him a letter, and I wasn’t going to send him the letter or anything. It was just for me. So I could understand all these crazy feelings. But I guess really, it was also about how sometimes I imagine what it would be like if I’d realized how I felt about him sooner. If I could have been the girlfriend instead of Ari.

My letters are my most secret possesion, for no one to see but me. There are five total. Kenny from camp, Shawn from seventh grade, Lucas from homecoming, Jake from Model UN, and….Josh. I write the letters when I have a crush so intense that I can’t even think straight. When I don’t know what to say.

Ari would say I’m being dramatic, but I think drama can be fun. Just as long as no one knows about it.

Ari and Josh broke up that night. Before mom died, she told Ari to never go to college with a boyfriend. And the next morning, she left for England. And that was the end of Ari and Josh.

Ari always said that when something is no longer useful, you either donate it, recycle it, or throw it away. I always knew she felt that way about objects, but I didn’t know she thought about people like that too. I didn’t know it was possible.

_____

It was first day of junior year. Ari was in England. I’d actually cleaned my room last night which has never happened before. And I was driving Sof to school for the first time. It all felt so wrong.

Walking down the halls as a junior in high school, I was almost at the top. I passed Josh, which felt both weird and more natural than it had in the past two years. But as I turned too look at him as I walked away, he looked sad.

Walking backwards wasn’t my strong suit though because moments later I walked right into a person.

“Ow. Excuse you!”

“Oh, shit. I’m so sorry, Gen.” I answered as I moved away from the girl who was basically the devil incarnate. “I’m so sorry, I wasn’t paying attention.”

“Oh, it’s you.” Gen sneered.

Gen...Genevieve. We used to be best friends, but post middle school for reasons having to do with her popularity, and my lack thereof. We are no decidedly, not.

At least school was the same.

“Cute boots,” Gen spoke as she eyes my boots with clear distaste.

“Thanks, they’re vintage,” I did my best to smile.

“And they’re amazing! Not everyone can rock the, but Y/N can really pull them off.”

Christine...Chris. Gen’s cousin. My best friend. My only friend really.

And then walked in the devil’s boyfriend. Shawn.

“Hey babe,” he said as he wrapped his arms around Gen’s stomach, and kissed her lightly on the temple.

“Hiiii.” Gen said sweetly.

“How’re you doing?”

“Oh I’m good, how are you?” She cooed back, clearly enamored by Shawn.

Shawn, you remember him. From seventh grade. From the letter. That’s this Shawn. Gen’s Shawn. Seventh grade, my first real boy girl party, and well, everyone knew that Shawn and Gen, who at the time was still my bestie, only liked each other. And it was at the first long awaited boy girl party that I had my friend kiss….with Shawn. It was only a spin the bottle kiss, but it was a kiss.

“I was just complementing Y/N on her adorable boots,” Gen said to Shawn, “Come on, there are more important people to talk to.”

Gen waltzed away from the them leaving Chris, me, and Shawn to stare uncomfortably after her.

“She just stopped drinking caffeine for a, uh, diet, I think.” Shawn mumbled as he tugged on a few of his shorter curls. “She’s just going through withdrawls.”

“Are you sure she doesn’t just have a chemical imbalance?” I retorted.

“Right,” Shawn said as he turned and walked away.

____

Lunch came around, and everything was wrong again. Ari was my go to lunch date. And now I was alone, yet again.

I ended up on the bleachers, next to Josh. Which wasn’t awkward at all.

“I gotta ask,” Josh asked quietly as I sat next to him. “Did she tell you? You guys talk about everything, and I just….”

“She didn’t tell me about this,” I shook my head.

“Well, we’re still cool, right?”

“Yes, we’re cool.”

We ate lunch then, in complete silence. And before you say anything about it, I know what you’re thinking. We really were cool. However I felt about him, I would never do that to Ari.

____

“This cafeteria is soooooo much bigger than at the elementary school,” Sof squealed. “And everyone wanted to sit by me, oh my god it was just so cool.”

“Yeah, I can totally relate,” I mumbled as we both got into the car.

One more drive and we’d be home free. One day of driving down….hundreds more to go. I waited for Sofia to buckle up, before I began to pull out.

“Woah, hey.” I heard a voice that sounded shockingly like Shawn Mendes.

Sofia laughed, “You really are going to get us killed.”

I shut my eyes closed, hoping maybe Shawn would forget about almost just getting hit by a car. But the tap on my car window said otherwise. I rolled down the window. Honestly, running him over may have been less painful, at least for me.

“Hi.”

“Hi,” I sounded mortified even to myself.

“How ya doing?” Shawn asked with a smile on his face. He was bent down so he was at eye level with me (which made everything a million times worse because his eyes were fucking gorgeous and I was going to fucking die).

“Good.”

“Yeah?” He asked.

“Yeah,” I whispered.

“You know people usually check behind them before they reverse? You know...to avoid killing others. It’s a thing we do.”

“Yeah, well, I’m just not, completely comfortable with the mirrors in this car yet.” I stuttered.

Sofia laughed from her seat, and really I would have liked to have run her over with my car.

“Yeah, clearly. You think you’re going to be able to make it out of the parking lot...or?”

“No, no we’ll be just fine. So you should just go, yeah, we’re fine.”

“Yeah, whatever you say.” He pointed at Sofia in the car, “Hey uh, you’re in charge.”

Shawn walked away, and I rolled up my window as Sofia said, “Who was that?”

“That was Shawn Mendes.”

We sat in the parking lot for a few minutes before Sofia said, “So, are we gonna go home?”

“Yeah, of course. We’re just going to wait for all the cars to leave first.”

____

“You know, Y/N, if you had a boyfriend, maybe you wouldn’t have to drive at all cus he would take us places” Sofia spoke as they were both sat lounging on the couch watching an episode of Stranger Things on Netflix.

I turned to look at Sofia, “If that’s what it takes, I think you’re stuck with me for a while. Sorry Sof.”

“I don’t know, what about that guy you almost killed?”

“He’s dating Gen.”

“So?”

She really was too young to understand these things apparently. Shawn Mendes was taken. A couple like Shawn and Gen don’t just break up. They’re together for at least the entirety of high school. They’re the It Couple. They’re the ones that go on to get married and become high school sweethearts. People like Shawn Mendes don’t leave girls like Gen for other girls like me.

“You know, it’s not just that.” Sofia shifted on the couch to lean against me. “Don’t you find it kind of odd that we’re at home on a Friday night, watching tv again?”

“No?”

Sofia sighed, clearly frustrated with me. “Y/N, I’m not saying this to make you feel bad, but I’m eleven. And I cancelled plans to be here tonight, and well you’re sixteen. And you never have plans.”

“That is way harsh.”

“The truth hurts, Y/N.”

____

Running the mile would most likely be the death of me. Chris, God bless that girl, was keeping pace with me despite the fact that she could have easily passed me by now. Only two more laps were left, or was it three? I was honestly just banking on Chris knowing or the coach to stop us at the right time. This could quite possibly be the third year in a row that I failed to make the time for the mile, but I wasn’t about to start practicing for this or anything.

“Hey!” I heard a voice from behind me.

I looked over at Chris to see if she was talking to me, but she just shrugged her shoulders at me.

“Hey! Y/N,” I slowed down, looking behind me.

It was Shawn. Shawn Mendes.

“Can I talk to you?” He asked.

“Um, me?” I asked, still slowly jogging alongside Chris and with Shawn trailing behind.

“Hey, SM, I heard my cousin dumped you for a college freshman, that true?”

“Uh, I heard you have horns, that true, Chris?”

“Yep, they’re red and shiny.”

Finally they came to a stop. I was definitely failing the mile. “I need to talk to you, Y/N. Uh, alone,” Shawn eyed Chris.

She hummed, slowly backing away, “Well, if you need me, I’ll uh, yeah.” She ran away and gestured in the direction she was running.

“Listen, I wanted to say that I’m flattered, and I appreciate it. But it’s just never gonna happen.”

“I’m sorry, what? What are you talking about?”

Clueless was a pretty good word for this moment.

“Look, from what I remember of that kiss it was hot, for it being in seventh grade, and I think it’s really cool that you think my eyes like sparkle or something.”

And it was in that moment that you saw it. The letter. Yes, the letter. The letter that you’d written to Shawn, never to be given to Shawn. The letter professing your all consuming seventh grade sized love for the boy that had been dating your best friend’s cousin for months. This could not be happening. How did he get that letter? Who sent him that letter? Did the others have letters too? Shawn was still talking, saying something about how he and Gen were just so fresh, he couldn’t start anything else. But I wasn’t listening, I looked over his shoulder and saw what was quite possibly my worst nightmare.

Josh.

Josh, who was headed towards me and Shawn, holding a eerily similar looking letter in his hand. He looked just as confused as I currently felt, and I did the first thing that I could think of to stop the oncoming questions Josh most definitely had. I kissed Shawn.

Yeah, I know. Not my smartest idea. Not my proudest moment. But I did it, I practically threw myself into Shawn’s arms, and kissed him. And not the seventh grade kind of peck kiss we’d had prior. But a real kiss. Like a, I need to make Josh think I’m in love with Shawn Mendes right now so that he won’t think I’m in love with him kind of kiss.

And just as I pulled away, Shawn looked equally as confused as Josh had before. Before Josh could say anything, I ran past them, back towards the main building. I think I heard Josh call after me as I ran past him, but I definitely did not stop to look back. And that’s how I evaded the two most uncomfortable moments of my life. Or so I thought.

Heading straight for the girls restroom, I locked myself in the nearest stall. Quite literally falling to the ground in a fit of panic. But without even a few seconds of privacy, the door opened.

“Hey, Y/N, you in there?”

“No.”

What the fuck. Why would I actually say no?

And then, another letter, this one addressed to Lucas, was being slipped under the stall door.

“Look, I just saw you run in here, and I wanted to make sure you were okay,” Lucas said from the other side of the stall door. “I thought you might want that back.” He meant the letter, “It seemed a little personal.”

“Lucas, I wrote this years ago,” I said as I finally made my way out of the stall. It looked like this wasn’t a conversation I could get out of.

“Freshman homecoming, right? I had a lot of fun that night too,” Lucas looked at me. He had kind eyes. “But I thought I should tell you, I’m gay. You know that right?”

“Yeah!” I said overly excited, “Of course, I totally knew that.”

I definitely did not know that.

“Okay.”

____

The letters are out. They’re out. There’s nothing I can do about it. Silver lining. Kenny’s letter was addressed to the dorms at camp, so he’ll at least never know about my crush.

“You really oughta relax,” you heard Josh’s familiar voice in your head. Great, hallucinations. So I was officially insane. Maybe I sent the letters out myself and didn’t even remember. “I know you love me.”

“Loved. Past tense. You’re Ari’s.”

“Dear Josh, I lie awake at night. And sometimes I wonder what it would be like to run my fingers through your hair. What it would be like to lie and stargaze with y--”

“Shut up! You’re not real.”

From your window, you could see Josh approaching your front door. Awesome.

“I’m more real to you than he is,” the Josh in your head responded.

Not even seconds later I heard dad calling for you from downstairs, “Josh is here!”

Time to face the music, I guess.

Orrr, I could always climb out the window. Which seemed infinitely like the better choice than having to tell your sister’s ex boyfriend that you used to love him. Yeah, I’m definitely going out the window. Stepping out of the window seemed easy, until I tripped and fell. I rolled down the small roof, and yep, right onto the fucking grass. But whatever, it’s fine. That’s the price I pay for avoidance I guess. I grabbed my bike from the front porch and hightailed it to the diner across town.

I sat in peace, drinking an amazing strawberry milkshake, until Shawn came in and sat down. Right. Next. To. Me.

“Hey, Y/N.”

Would it be possible to ignore him?

He ordered a chocolate shake and waited for you to say something.

“Whatcha doing here?” I decided on casual avoidance. Pretend like the elephant didn’t exist and it would disappear, right?

“I’m just here to take down a delicious chocolate shake, eh?”

“Cool, cool.”

“Actually, I stopped at your house and your sister said you’d probably be here.”

I was going to kill Sofia.

“Look, I just wanna be super clear. I’m flattered, for real, I am. But like, Gen and I just broke up.”

“Are you trying to reject me right now,” I asked with disinterest.

“Well, yeah. Cus it didn’t really seem like it...got through to ya, the first time, back there, at school?”

“Shawn Mendes, I’m not trying to date you.”

“Okay, like I hear you, but you’re not really acting like that.”

“Listen, here’s the situation. I don’t actually like you. I just kissed you, so it looked like I liked you so that someone else wouldn’t think I liked him.”

Yes, great, tell him all the details. It’s not like the situation was embarrassing enough as it is.

“Oh okay, who’s that?”

“What?”

“You gotta tell me who the guy is, or I’m just really not gonna believe you.”

“No,” I shook my head furiously. No way was he getting that out of me.

“Okay well, then I’ll just tell the rest of the school that you wrote me a love letter.”

“Um, no okay, no. It’s uh, Josh Sanderson?”

“Wait, doesn’t he date your sister?”

“Well, he dated my sister. Like past tense. And he also got a letter, so you can see how awkward and complicated that whole situation could get. And thus why I needed to kiss you.”

Shawn held his hand up as if to tell me to stop, “Wait woah, you sent more than one letter?”

I shook my head.

“Wow, you really think you’re special and then you find out she wrote letters to two guys.” Shawn depressingly sipped from his chocolate shake.

“Uh, yeah. There were actually five letters.”

“You sent five love letters. Damn, Y/N, you’re a player. Who else?”

“If I tell you, will you leave me alone?”

Shawn mumbled a bit, “Maybe.”

“Okay, Lucas James.”

“But he’s...gay.”

“You don’t know that,” I tried to play it cool.

“Everyone knows that.”

I DID NOT KNOW THAT. Why was I the only person who didn’t know that Lucas was gay? Was I really that blind?

“Who else?”

“Someone from camp and someone from the fifth grade. Are we good here?”

“Uh, uh yeah.” I got up to leave before Shawn’s hand touched my wrist, “Wait wait, let me take you home?”

“So...what are you gonna tell Josh?” Shawn asked as his Jeep pulled up to the front of my house.

“I guess the truth.”

“But what is the truth? Do you like him...do you not?”

“It’s not your problem, Shawn.” You smiled as you hopped out of the Jeep, grabbing your bike from the back.

“Hold up, Y/N,” Shawn called as he ran up beside you. “What if you didn’t tell him?”

“What?”

“What if...we let people...think we were together? And like..not just Sanderson, but everyone?”

“Why would you want that?”

“Well Gen went nuts when she heard that you kissed me. And if she thinks we’re a thing, she’ll want to get back together.”

“Oh, so you wanna use me as your pawn?”

“Well,” Shawn rolled his neck a little, “technically you already used me as yours.”

You were decidingly going to ignore that comment. You headed closer to the front door, kicking the stand on your bike and letting it go.

“Look, you don’t have to give me an answer now, just maybe think about it?”

“Bye Shawn,” I threw over my shoulder, ignoring his last statement completely.

Fake dating Shawn Mendes, yeah fucking right. Like that would ever happen.

[hello-there]

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[fae-fucker]

Zenith: Chapter 41-44

Chapter 41

So the Marauder’s engine is in meltdown and Memory tells the crew to “proceed to the landing bay” and “prepare for engine failure” instead of going to the escape pods? I guess here is where we find out Memory wants them all dead, and can ya blame her? 

Lira says that because of their “velocity” and “weight” (there’s that weight thing again), it’s extra hard to cool down the engine for a safe landing. 

So. I’m no rocket scientist. But if your engines fail in space ... won’t you just sorta float there? It seems the rest of the ship’s systems are fine, so you’ll have all the time you need to figure out what’s wrong with the engine. It’s written like they’re about to crash, but unless they’re close enough to a planet or similar large mass that exerts gravity over the ship, they’ll be fine for long enough to fix the engine. 

I guess maybe you guys should look into getting some ship engineers after all. 

Breck says their cooling systems are completely fucked to the point where they’ll all die if nothing happens soon. She also complains about the engineers who did the repairs for the Marauder don’t know how to work on a “classic” because I guess the ship is one-of-a-kind and unique and super high-tech but also vintage to the point where ship engineers who work for the general-king of an entire planet/group of planets don’t know how to handle it. 

Which makes total sense.

Lira says that if they leave hyperspace now, they’ll conveniently land right near Adhira, and if you against all odds forgot what Adhira is, it’s where Lira and her sad backstory are from. 

God, this thing is so fiking contrived. I can see Shinsay’s desperate claws picking at the scabs that is this plot to make it look less like garbage but only infecting and destroying it more.

After all they’d gone through to get Valen, things just had to go wrong now. The life of a space pirate, Andi thought to herself.

*looks into the camera like I’m on The Office*

What exactly did y’all get through to get Valen? The plan went literally without a hitch lmao. The life of a whiny brat more like. 

Chapter 41

“Come on, baby,” Andi said, patting the Marauder’s dash as if it would actually listen to her plea.

“Coming!” an unwelcome voice came from behind her. Andi let out an audible groan.

“Get in a seat, Dextro. Now!”

“I’m trying to lighten the mood, Androma. We all know Lira is fully capable of handling this situation.”

“Thanks,” Lira muttered as Dex plopped into one of the chairs behind her, legs sprawled out in front of him like he was about to watch a film.

Now this is how you sell the danger and suspense of a crash landing! 

Listen, Shinsay, I know this won’t actually kill anyone or even hurt them particularly bad. I know you’re just doing this to get them to Adhira so Lira can mope around for a little bit.

But could you at least pretend this is exciting or poses some sort of threat? At least I would respect y’all for trying.

Lira says that they’ll crash land in a relatively safe way, but they’ll probably plow straight into a village unless they lose at least a ton of weight. So Dex blasts the escape pods out. Let’s hope anyone below doesn’t get smashed by an escape pod I guess. Again with the fucking weight thing, too.

Anyway, you know what’s great in a pilot and a Second-In-Command? Literally fainting during stressful moments. Which Lira does right as they’re about to crash-land. 

I’m surprised these guys have survived as long as they have with Lira fainting or flipping her shit the moment something goes wrong. Watch Nexus have a subplot about her embracing her emotions or some shit. 

Chapter 42

We’re in Dex’s point of view and my mouth literally fell open when I read this.

He had just one second to enable the ship’s metal outer shields before they hit the ground.

YOU’RE TELLING ME

THAT THIS WHOLE TIME THEY’VE BEEN FALLING 

THEY DIDN’T HAVE THEIR SHIELDS UP 

AND NOBODY EVEN MENTIONED THEM

AND THEY WERE JUST DIRECTING THIS IMPENETRABLE BUT APPARENTLY FRAGILE GLASS SHIP 

TOWARDS SOLD GROUND 

WHILE FALLING OUT OF THE ATMOSPHERE?!

We’re all idiots. All of us reading this book and you guys for reading this snark. We’re out here expecting quality from a New York Times bestseller written by two airheads when we could be out there selling copies of our own trash! We could all get famous for not having opinions online and being pretty in front of a bookshelf and then we’ll get a book deal as a result of our clout! 

Instead we’re here, examining this piece of GARBAGE as if it was a work of art worth thinking about. Shinsay just opened up our skulls and took a huge, dripping dump on all of our brains while stealing our lunch money! AND YOU’RE JUST GONNA LET THEM!!!! BECAUSE YOU TOO ARE A SHEEP, YOUR GAPING MAW HUNGRY FOR MORE WARM ASS-JUICE. 

Anyway OH MY GOD THE METAL SHIELDS JUST POPPED RIGHT OFF 

A PART OF THE METAL SHIELD THAT’S SUPPOSED TO PROTECT THE IMPENETRABLE GLASS SHIP FROM DAMAGE JUST POPPED OFF I’M 

the queen’s personal guards come to arrest them i guess and that’s it that’s the chapter someone save me please

Chapter 44

We’re back with Andi while they’re being wheeled away along with the dead ship and I’m not entirely sure what the point of Dex’s chapter was aside from destroying any last remaining brain cells I had.

Andi acknowledges how she should be worrying about Lira, who’s just woken up from her EMOTION OVERLOAD, but instead she thinks about literally everything else. Mostly about how she’s mad at General Cortas for roping her into this mission because it led to her ship getting destroyed, her ex coming back, and her pirating career coming to a halt. 

What is happening to my life? she wondered. It was out of control. She was out of control.

Acknowledging your protagonist’s complete lack of agency in this plot won’t make it okay, Shinsay. And doing it now, when the ship’s fucked and the pilot is barely conscious, makes Andi look like a self-absorbed ass.

“There’s nothing we can do right now,” Lira said. She reached out, and Andi felt the warm flutter of Lira’s fingertips on her shoulder. She stiffened at the touch, and Lira pulled away. “A calm mind is a decent one.”

That’s very rich coming from you, Miss Faints-During-Stress.

“Your home may be the ship, Androma. It’s all of ours, too. But Adhira is the planet that gave me life. I just lost control of myself before I could stop our ship from crashing into one of its most profitable crop fields. When Queen Alara finds out...” 

Andi didn’t answer. 

Lira’s eyes narrowed. “You are not the only one suffering today, Captain.”

O SHE MAD

YOU TELL HER, LIRA

Andi actually feels bad for offending her friend. Which is like, wow, Shinsay making it obvious Andi made a mistake and experiencing consequences? Wow. SJMommy/Celaena would never. We stan two queens.

It won’t matter in the long run but the effort is appreciated.

[Andi] needed to be a leader. She needed to talk to her crew and devise a plan. She needed to apologize to Lira. She needed to sort out how she felt about her conversation with Dex. 

But right now, she simply wanted to sit and not be bothered. So she did. 

With her mind reeling, her hands balled into fists at her side, Androma Racella, the Bloody Baroness of Mirabel, stared out the back of the wagon as her ship slid over another pile of fresh green dung and allowed herself to pout like a child.

And there goes my sympathy for Andi out the window again.

What shame.

[slothgiirl]

forever isn’t for everyone (is forever for you?) part 5

London is gray and dull after Australia and the festivals we'd been at. And like it's welcoming us all back, it's raining. 

Foggy, a complete 180. It doesn't help that it's night, and I haven't seen day since two days ago, having spent another day traveling. Cramped up in my seat, squished between other passengers. 

This time I had slept fine on board, exhausted from touring. We're all dead on our feet and unlike the last few days, we don't puke into a cab, we just sort of wave and leave and it's sad. I think after all we've done, all the time spent together, we leave like it's nothing. I know even I need some alone time. 

But it's still sad to me. 

The second leg of the tour isn't for months and I have a week off before having to go into work. A week I spend sleeping and doing laundry and becoming a couch potato. 

Another week of catching up with friends and getting lunch before I have to go back to work. It's the day before I go back to work that Alex texts me, my heart lurching, an unconscious desire that had sunk into my mind. 

In Australia, it had seemed easy to believe that a man like Alex might like an ordinary girl like me. Perhaps I was selling myself short, but my confidence was a fickle thing that still needed propping up after my acne ridden teenage years. 

More eloquent than in person, his preference for written word is obvious.

I was hoping we might have a listen to the record I told you about. A drink or two, a small offering in comparison to the pleasure of your company once more, in the city we both inhabit, where everything will seem solid and less ephemeral than abroad. -Alexander

It was long and flowery for a text and made me dizzy with anticipation, I threw out everything I'd been told to do when a boy texts you and replied instantly, walking home from tescos trying to make food instead of getting takeout for a change, eagerly asking for a time and address. 

It was nice to be able to come home and do nothing. A privilege I couldn't imagine coming back from while my roommates came home from their jobs dead on their feet. 

Grueling weeks on the road seemed a small price to pay.

I take the tube over to his, a beautiful georgian house among many in Chelsea, save for some dying plants outside, a clear victim of his recent travels, thick dark curtains obscuring all the windows.The street is littered with nice cars, millionaires the only people who can afford the nice neighborhood. London's market on the uptick. 

At least I feel at ease in the dying light, the sun spilling in the sky like egg yolk as it sets, turning the clouds blood red, casting long dark shadows. I guess Alex is not a struggling musician, or maybe he's just from a well off family. 

It's then I know that I start to feel anxious, no longer buoyed by our shared work, just me and him and would that be enough? It was stupid when I already knew how easy it was to be with him. 

But this felt more concrete then wondering around a foreign city had. The thought of kissing him no longer a far off wish but a possibility so close it had my fingertips tingling. 

Alex opens the door with a boyish smile on his lips, clad in loose blue jeans, frayed at the hem, and a grey t shirt emblazoned with give a damn, hair hopelessly disheveled as if he'd just woken up. "El, love" he says fondly, after a second, "I'm delighted you're here." 

Waving me inside. I'm expecting the inside to look like a Tatler photo shoot, more burberry than marks and spenser sales rack, with the uninviting feeling carefully decorated homes had. 

Instead, the rugs are rich, intricate designs, the edges frayed with time and use. There's a thin layer of dust in the paintings hanging on the wall, one signed manet, another of a slender woman with doe like eyes and hair the colour of milk tea, in vivid realism, only the clothes betraying the age, paint cracked with time by the frame.  

Following along, I spy the stacks of books piled high on every table, some new others yellowed with age. 

There's a silver tray on the coffee table littered with pens and paper and a beautiful piano in the room he leads me too, room lit by stained glass lamps in the shape of flowers, the shades tightly drawn with a beautiful japanese inspired screen for good measure. 

A guitar rests in one settee. It's closer to an antique shop than any catalogue. "Please," Alex says, "sit, make yourself comfortable," as he goes to place the needle on a record, a small library of records covering a bookshelf nearby. 

As an after though he adds, "don't mind the mess."

"It's fine," I smile, watching him, at ease in his home, wanting to run my fingers through his hair and find out if his hair was as soft as it looked, "it's kind of the vintage shop of my dreams. I don't know where to look because everything is catching my eye." 

As I'd hoped, he laughs. "That's certainly a way of looking at it innit?"

The first notes of the record filling the room. Alex takes a seat next to me on the plush sofa. I kick off my shoes, surprised at how quickly I take a liking to the jazz music, curling up on the couch, dim lighting adding to the cozy atmosphere, before I catch him looking at me with the same fondness from earlier. With an easy smile on his lips.

For a moment, we just gaze at each other with a certain schoolyard shyness that settles when neither of us looks away. 

His expressive eyes on mine. 

A gaze so intense I can't hold it for long before I have too look away. "It's funny," I note, "the music has me picturing the concert clearly. Like I'd been there. Fuck that must have been a night."

"It was." Alex nods, his gaze still heavy on me. "They all lived for their music, bodies a vessel for playing the notes swirling around their souls."It was a beautiful thought, and I wasn't sure how to reply to the sheer earnestness. 

"You said there was wine," I ask all faux innocence, wanting something to take the edge off. 

Hyper aware of every movement I make. I want to sink back into the ease we'd had in Auckland and not this. The thought of him wanting me as much as I wanted him was driving me crazy. 

"Oh so that's why you came," he grins so alight with amusement, eyes twinkling. 

"The musics good too." 

"And the company?"I shrug, teasing, "I've had worse."

"Oi!"

I snort.

He doesn't move to go for wine. "I'm starting to feel superfluous El," Alex say in his thick yorkshire accent, a drawl to his words, each one carefully considered as he takes his time to form a reply, uncaring about the time he takes. "It's not a very nice feeling."

I roll my eyes. "Don't tell me you need as much ego stroking as Miles?"

"Miles does all the ego stroking for himself."

"That doesn't surprise me," I laugh, "I think you need a lot of ego to get up on stage every night. I don't have stage fright but it's all very weird to have that many people looking up at you."

He nods in agreement, "it's a good thing that's not part of my job. All I wanted to do was 'ave people listen to my little songs."

"Well I'd say job well done." 

The album had debuted top of the UK charts. And he'd written the lions share with Miles. Alex ducks his head, red rising to his cheekbones, a stark contrast against his pale skin. 

Even a few weeks down under had done nothing to rid him of the lack of colour that came with living in such a gloomy city. 

"You've got the whole country singing along."

"Well. . .Miles and the boys do. I just helped Miles a little or well we just jammed together. Can't help myself around that man. . .rarely has anyone understood me so well."

"Have you always written songs?" None of my childhood hobbies had stayed with me, consumed with studying. 

"Can't help myself," he admits. "A tune or some words. . .coming to me mind. There till I write them down."

"That's loads more creative than me. I always think it would be fun to draw but I'm imagining some renaissance masterpiece and it always comes out a derpy stick figure or worse. So I just give up and read or go for a walk." Even in the winter, Greenwich park was beautiful, and bundled up it was bareable. 

"What do you like to read," Alex asks, tilting his head towards me, curiousity brimming in his soft eyes. The space between us closing in as we lean towards each other, disarmed by our conversation.  

His hand resting on his knee, pulled out on the sofa, making me feel shameless about having my legs pulled up as well. 

"Articles. Very depressing boring world news. Free essays on the paris review. It's a shame prints dead or else I'd try to justify buying copies. But I think I'd rather have a cuppa tea. With those fruit bits or boba."

"Is print dead?" 

Alex says it with a layer of incredulity, baffled. 

"Yeah. This thing called the internet came along."

"Bloody hell," he jokes, "I'm still waiting for the windows explorer to. . .do it's thing."

"You mean load? Not surprised. The selfies you tried to take in Sydney were awful. Thankfully those people were there to take our picture."

"Be easy with me El," Alex laughs, shaking his head at me, eyes crinkling in amusement. 

"I'll have to think about it," I tease, leaning against the softness of the sofa, resting my head as I take the sight of him in, warmth spreading in my chest, thrilled to know that I can make him laugh, that he'd meant it when he said he wanted me over. 

It's a funny little skip of my heart as hope takes root, the idea that he might like me as much as I like him, making me smile, happy for the first time since I got back. Really happy, not just content to be home, to lazy around and get time to myself.  

He pours us both a cuppa wine in ceramic cups, "no wine snobs here," he grins and the music plays and his knee taps to the beat against my leg. 

Every touch too much and yet not enough, desire welling up in the pit of my stomach. It's easy to drink, pour another glass out."

I don't think anyone has the time or concentration to listen to a fourty minute song anymore," I note, sipping lazyily at the wine, my palette too unrefined to know if it's cheap or expensive. 

"It's a jam session!"

I drink, trying to hide my smile at his expression, affronted on behalf of music everywhere, the seriousness to his mouth, frowning, a directness to his gaze. 

Failing, I giggle, slumping against the sofa, looking up at Alex through my lashes. "I thought it was just a very long song."

"El." His voice, that thick accent, his unique drawl, my face burning, as he leans over, empty bottle of wine forgotten on the coffee table. His hand cups my cheek, the tips of his fingers calloused in a delightful way, toes curling on the sofa cushion, thumb running over my bottom lip. 

Heart beat lodged in my throat, I can't speak, the desire bubbling over, wanting to spill over and kiss him already. Alex pressing lightly over my body, trapping me against the sofa. 

I swallow thickly, my fingers going to neck, threading my hands through his caramel hair, soft and silken, and pull him down to kiss me hard. 

I can feel his satisfied smile against my skin as he kisses me back passionately, without any hesitation, all of his fumbling for words gone. All confidence and want. 

Alex's other hand going down to my hip, rubbing cicrcles over my cotton shirt. My head spins with want and desire and Alex all tangled together, finally, kissing him eagerly as he shifts, shoving a cushion thoughtlessly off the sofa. I lay down, skin burning hot. Too many layers between us. 

His lips against mine. Tasting of wine and bitter chocolate, a tanginess I can't get enough of. 

My mouth opening up to his, tongue exploring my mouth, my hands running through his hair. Alex pressed against me as I lay with my back on the couch, solid and too many layers between us. 

He pulls back, pulling up at the hem of my shirt with a naughty schoolboy grin, endearing all the same. 

"I hate winter," I whisper against his cool skin, colder than the room, barely emanating any heat at all in the frigid english winter, "it makes getting undressed such a pain." 

Alex laughs, pulling his own shirt over his head. "I'll be sure to make it worth your time."

"Cocky bastard," I utter as he hooks his fingers through the loops of my jeans, pulling me closer to him, the feeling of his own cock, already half hard, sends me reeling. 

In leiu of a response, Alex trails kisses down my neck, sucking at the skin, sure to leave marks tomorrow. 

My fingers dig into his hair, breathily moaning his name. Shamelessly, he undoes the button on my jeans. 

It's never sexy to take off jeans, kicking them off rapidly, as I reach for him, kissing him again fiercely. The feel of his cool skin sending sending shivers down my spine. Lithe but toned. 

Alex cups one of my breasts, nipple hardening through the delicate lace. "Fuck El," he groans, hips grinding down against mine.I want him. I want him so much, feeling feverish with desire.  

All my thoughts of him. 

Of Alex. 

He slides his jeans off easily enough, cock hard through the fabric of his boxers. I look up at him, as I unclip my bralete, adding it to the pile of things on the coffee table. 

There's always an initial nervousness, when sleeping with someone new. And yet, I know Alex wouldn't hurt me. I trust him. 

"El-,"

"Come here," I reach for him, a whine to my voice, "come here and fuck me Alex."

He does. 

[choiceslife]

When Worlds Collide: Part Two (Limited Series)

Disclaimer: Based upon characters in Choices - Endless Summer, It Lives in the Woods, The Royal Romance, #LoveHacks, Home for the Holidays, and The Elementalists series. All characters presented are the property of Pixelberry Studios. I claim no ownership. This story is purely the work of the poster as fanfiction.

Overall Series Rating: 18+

Warnings: Adult Language, Adult Content, Sexual Discussions. Future chapters may contain SMUT and Gratuitous Sexual Descriptions

Overall Series Summary: The sisters are together again and Ava Cunningham believes only they can help her.

Author’s Note: This Limited Series is a companion/sequel to Divided By Circumstance. I suggest you at least read that series in order to understand this one. As with most of my stories, this is a crossover and is part of my interconnected Chromatic AU. My MC’s are as follows: Carrissa Monroe (TRR), Abby Bennett (#LH), Scarlett Joy (HFTH), Taylor Reed (ES), and Donovan Bailey (TE). There will be an End Note following this chapter. Previous Chapters can be found in my Master List located in my header.

Tag List: @cinnamonroll-duffy @darley1101 @debramcg1106 @brightpinkpeppercorn @regrettingnathan @katurrade @teamtomsato @luxurylives @akrenich @ladynonsense @riseandshinelittleblossom @kinkykingliam @jlouise88 @kenjikatsoros @eileendannie @marshmallow-ortega @littlecrookedheart @i-choose-liam @bobasheebaby @boneandfur @tmarie82 @europeanguy @walkerismychoice @pixieferry @sstee1 @3pawandme @endlessly-searching-for-you

***

Somewhere Over the United States

The jostling of Jake’s private plane jolted Dan out of his uncomfortable sleep. He and Ava had expected to fly commercial from Louisiana to New York, but when Jake said he owned a plane, they thought it would be an awesome experience. It had been nothing of the sort.

The first leg of the trip, Dan had gripped the arm rest so hard, he thought he would leave finger impressions in the aluminum. For the second and final flight, Dan tried to sleep away his worry, but every slight movement the plane made stirred him out of his slumber. “I thought you said he was a pilot?” Dan asked turning to Ava who was seated across the aisle from him. Ava chuckled with a smirk before sliding a sleep mask back over her eyes. “Guess I’ll check on him myself.”

___

“Take a seat and strap in Mop Top,” Jake remarked after glancing behind him at the sound of the cockpit divider being opened. “There’s a lot of turbulence to deal with right now.”

Dan did as he was told, quickly sitting in the co-pilot chair and buckling up. He looked over at Jake wearing a vintage green bomber jacket over his snug black t-shirt. Even clothed, Dan couldn’t deny Jake’s natural sex appeal. “Only Mop Top this time? No Sexy?”

Jake playfully side-eyed his new friend. His heart remained firmly with Taylor, even more so knowing that there was some chance he could be reunited with his lost love. But it was nice to know that others still found him desirable, even though his peak physical condition faded months ago after Taylor vanished from his life. “Your shirt is on,” Jake replied as he flashed his signature underwear dropping lopsided grin.

A tiny laugh mixed with the faintest snort left Dan’s mouth. “I can fix that ya know,” he said with a wink. Dan saw the corners of Jake’s lips curl up slightly before the pilot refocused his attention to the controls. He knew Jake was taken and that he was working with Ava to help them reunite, but damn if something inside him didn’t ignite when he met the pilot. Ava had asked Dan to accompany her in this quest in case things didn’t work as she hoped and Jake needed someone to help him cope with the trauma. Dan was more than willing to help in that capacity, but he hadn’t expected to crush hard on Jake. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t be flirting. Taylor is a lucky guy and I hope we can help bring him back.”

“No apology necessary Dan. My Bayou charm is impossible to resist.” A brief moment of silenced passed before the two men burst into a riotous laughter. “But I appreciate it and the help you and Ava are giving me. Come what may, you’ve given me hope again and I realized, I need to live for Taylor whether we are successful or not. He wouldn’t want me to be acting all sad and lonely.”

Dan fist bumped Jake to acknowledge their mutual respect. He sat quietly for a moment as Jake adjusted several control settings and verified their flight position. “So I gotta ask, how the heck did you afford a plane?” Dan finally inquired after Jake had gotten everything situated with the controls.

“Oh Delilah here?” Jake affectionally patted the control as he looked over towards Dan. “Long story, but let’s just say I won her.”

“Someone gambled a plane? Jeez! What did you wager?”

“My clothes.” Jake saw the absolute shock on Dan’s face at the revelation. Sure, Jake had omitted some key facts to the story, but Dan didn’t need to know that information. “I told you Mop Top...Bayou charm.”

Another fit of laughter and soon Jake and Dan were engaged in more friendly discussions and jokes. Dan learned about everything that happened on La Huerta, while Jake learned all of the strange happenings in Westchester. Before they knew it, the plane was descending towards their destination at a small airport outside of New York City.

___

Teterboro, New Jersey

The plane door lowered inside a private hangar allowing the three occupants to finally feel land again after hours in the sky. As Ava descended the stairs, her girlfriend Stacy bolted across the hanger as fast as her legs could carry her. The two wrapped each other in a tight embrace as they pecked tiny kisses all over one another’s faces.

From the top of the stairs, Jake observed Ava’s reunion with her girlfriend, as well as two gentlemen standing off in the distance. “I gotta admit, I’m pretty surprised that Hermione would date someone so peppy,” Jake remarked as Dan stepped beside him. “I figured Clark Kent or Pretty Boy was dating Cheer Squad.”

“You have an amazing knack for nicknames,” Dan laughed. “Cheer Squad would be Stacy Green. She and Ava started dating shortly after our near-death experience. Pretty Boy is Cade Phillips and he’s actually dating Stacy’s brother, Connor. And Clark Kent is Lucas Thomas. He’s one of the smartest guys I know and as far as I know he’s currently single.”

“That’s a good thing for you, Mop Top, because his eyes haven’t left you since we stepped off the plane.” Jake winked at his new friend before making his way down the stairs for the official introductions.

Dan stared at Jake in confusion before looking towards where Lucas and Cade were standing. He locked eyes with his smart friend and was sure he noticed his smile widen and cheeks blush. Lucas gave a little wave and in that moment Dan began to wonder if Jake was right. Hmm. Lucas Thomas huh? All this time we’ve known each other and I never noticed it. Dan waved back and made his way over to greet his friends.

___

New York City, New York - Manhattan

“So we’ve been following the sisters for a couple of days,” Cade said as he steered the large passenger van through the streets of New York. “It’s been tough to get anywhere near them. What with one being a Queen and all.”

Jake sat beside him in the passenger seat, holding on for dear life. He wasn’t a religious man, but Jake lost count of how many prayers he made since getting in the van with Cade. And people give me shit for my flying?

“Needless to say, but security is always around,” Lucas chimed in from the back of the van, momentarily distracting Jake from wondering when the inevitable side swipe of one of the many yellow cabs would occur. “But I read this morning that King Liam and most of his entourage are returning to Cordonia on business. The Queen is staying behind to get to know her sisters better.”

“And through some casual eavesdropping, we were able to find out which club they’re going to this evening,” Stacy added. “So we’ve gotta quickly get back to the hotel, devise a game plan, and change in order to not stand out like we don’t belong. And don’t worry gents, I had some clothes sent up to the rooms for you.”

“We might not make it there. Pretty Boy might kill us with his driving first,” Jake quipped. He ran a hand through his shaggy brown hair, letting out a puff of air in the process. “Can’t believe I flew up to New York to go to a friggin night club.”

Cade glanced into the rear view, making eye contact with Dan, after hearing Jake’s grumbling. A mischievous smile appeared on both their faces before Cade spoke. “Jake, ohmygawd, if you’re a tourist and looking for a good time, New York’s hottest club is Rumper Thumper.”

“Rumper Thumper?”

“Yes yes yes yes yes. Situated in an old processing plant in the meat packing district where Thomas Hunt once posed for shirtless photos during his underwear modeling days; this club has everything. Techno. Bubble baths. Stock broker’s on mobile phones from the 80’s. ‘Bare Mables.’

“Bare Mables?” Jake questioned as he looked at Cade in total confusion.

From the back of the van, Dan smiled before he spoke. “Yeah, it’s that thing where a shirtless muscle guy planks and you use him as a table.”

Everyone broke out in laughter. Everyone except Jake. He simply cocked an eyebrow at Cade until the noise subsided. “I’d much rather use a muscle guy for something much more fun than pretending to be a table. I’m sure I’m not the only one in here that feels that way.”

The others looked perplexed, but Dan knew what Jake was hinting at. He looked up towards the front of the van to see The Pilot smirking in his direction, before he noticed Lucas’ ears blushing from the seat beside him. Dan patted his friend on the knee. “This Jake guy, he needs to stick to flying instead of comedy eh?”

“Yeah.” Lucas shuffled his shaking hands into his lap, strategically covering his swelling length. He couldn’t have Dan notice that one simple touch caused him excitement.

___

Everything in the hotel hallway looked swanky. The art hanging on the walls, the design motif on the plush carpet, and the upscale decor contained in the nooks peppered periodically along the corridor - all of it looked fancy and more expensive than anything Jake owned. Not including Delilah. “Hey Clark Kent. How are we affording three rooms in this place?” Jake and Lucas were at the tail end of the group. Hermione and Cheer Squad led the way, with Mop Top and Pretty Boy close on their heels.

“My name is Lucas, not...never mind. Anyway, Stacy’s dad is loaded. When her parents split, he moved to New York and made a fortune on Wall Street. All she had to do was call and say she wanted to bring some friends to the city to shop and he got these rooms.” Lucas halted his conversation and walking when he noticed Stacy stop.

“Ava and I are in here,” Stacy said as she swiped her key card to unlock Room 309. “Cade and Lucas are next door in 311 and Jake and Dan are across from them in 310,” she said as she handed the other room keys to Cade and Dan. “Everyone be dressed and meet downstairs in two hours to go over the plan.” And like that, Stacy and Ava disappeared into their room. Jake swore he heard some giggling between the girlfriends as he passed making his way towards his room.

“Swap rooms with me,” Jake said placing a arm across Lucas’ chest to impede him from following Cade. “I need a south facing room or I won’t be able to sleep at all.”

“This room faces north.���

“That’s what I meant. Just switch rooms Clark Kent.”

“It’s Lucas.”

“Okay. I’m sorry. Please Lucas?” Jake playfully pleaded with the agitated young man.

“Ugh. Fine.” Lucas huffed and made his way into Room 310. Jake grinned as he entered 311 across the hall.

___

Lucas barely made it three steps into his new hotel room before stopping dead in his tracks. His mouth agape as his eyes blinked several times, trying to determine if what he was seeing was really happening. He always knew Dan was muscular - had to be in order to play football. Lucas just wasn’t expecting Dan to be that muscular. After a few moments of taking in his friend’s sinewy, shirtless beauty, Lucas cleared his throat. “Sorry. Looks like...” his mind ceased functioning mid-sentence when Dan turned to face him and Lucas saw his long time friend’s chiseled abs and defined pecs. “Jake needed to switch rooms. I’m gonna grab a shower,” Lucas blurted out rather succinctly, averting his gaze. He bolted into the nearby bathroom before Dan had a chance to realize what happened.

The shower clicked on moments later and immediately Dan chuckled. He knew exactly what Jake was doing. Dan grabbed the garment bag that had been laid out on the bed by the hotel concierge; the bag meant for one Jacob McKenzie. He threw open his hotel room door and was instantly met by the pilot, leaning against his own door jamb with an arm bent back over his shoulder holding the clothing bag meant for Lucas. “You’re a funny guy Jake. Poor Lucas damn near had a coronary when he walked in and saw me.”

“Told you he liked you Mop Top.” Jake extended his arm holding out Lucas’ garment bag.

Dan quickly exchanged the one he was holding with Jake. “You forgot Sexy, Jake.” The pilot looked at him curiously for a moment, clearly not recalling his earlier commentary. “I’m not wearing a shirt,” Dan reminded him before retreating back into his room and closing the door.

How could I forget? Sexy Mop Top. Jake chuckled before heading into his own room to get ready.

___

Hours of thumping bass music and drunk patrons were taking its toll on Mara. She knew the Queen wanted a fun night out to bond with her new sisters; she just wished it would have been anywhere other than a packed nightclub. Only two other member’s of the King’s Guard stayed back in New York with her. One served as a look-out up on the club’s balcony, while the other remained with their black SUV out front. Mara had the honor of standing guard near the Queen’s table; never more than a few steps away.

All through the night, Mara kept a keen eye out for any patrons that may wish to do harm to the Queen. Thankfully, most Americans had no idea they were in the presence of royalty. This made Mara’s night go by relatively uneventfully. There was one gentlemen that caught Mara’s attention. He was a heavyset man in a grey pinstripe suit. His being in the nightclub caused Mara’s hairs to stand on end. Something seemed odd about him and she swore when he smiled that he had what could only be described as fangs. He ended up leaving in a huff when an attractive business woman approached him and exchanged some words. Mara breathed a sigh of relief when the man left and shook the image of him from her brain. Fangs? Ha. Get it together, Mara.

“Ohmygawd! Is that, like, the Queen of Cordoba?” Stacy pretended to be drunk, peppy, and apparently from the San Fernando Valley as she approached the female body guard protecting the Queen. “I, like, totally need to get a selfie for my Pictagram.” Stacy turned her back towards the Queen and her sisters, aiming her phone up high, parsing her face to make duck lips, and pretended to take a picture.

“Miss, I’m gonna have to ask you...” Mara began before being bumped into by a tall, attractive woman with beautiful streaks of pink in her flawless hair.

“I’m so sorry. Is my girlfriend bothering you? Come on Stacy. Let’s leave these nice people alone.” Ava placed her hands on Stacy’s hips, pretending to try to escort her away. On cue, Stacy challenged Ava, knocking the two of them backwards into Mara and onto the ground.

Carissa, Scarlett, and Abby jumped from their booth as Mara and the two strangers fell. Cade and Lucas made their way over, pretending to be two concerned patrons just trying to help. As Cade reached down to assist the fallen trio, Lucas slipped a note into Abby’s palm.

“Please,” Lucas begged. “We need your help. This was the only way we could figure out how to talk to you.”

High above the commotion, one of Mara’s fellow guards saw what happened and tried to make his way down, but he got tripped up over the foot of Jake McKenzie. “Careful there bud,” Jake snickered as the Guard fell into Dan’s arms. Dan snatched the radio from the Guard’s hand and quickly shoved him into a nearby utility closet. He slammed the door shut and pressed his body against it until Jake pushed a couch over to block the Guard’s escape.

Mara bolted up from the floor, swatting hands away from her in the process. “Speed Racer get the car ready. Eagle Eye get down here. We need to extract Glitter Eagle and The Doves.” She received an affirmative response from Speed Racer in her ear piece, but silence from the other guard. “Eagle Eye? Report.”

“We have code names? So cool.” Scarlett giggled. She sipped her drink clearly reveling in the sudden action.

“Calm down Mara,” Carissa finally said. She had the note in her hand that Lucas had given to Abby. “I would like to chat with these...eager patrons.”

“Your majesty?”

Carissa handed the note over for Mara to read. Mara’s jaw went slack for a moment before returning the note to the Queen and resuming her professional demeanor. She stood attentively as Carissa motioned for the others to join her and her sisters. “So you need our help, but first...” Carissa placed the note down onto the table. We have information about your mother. “How do you know about the three of us and our situation? And why shouldn’t I perceive this as a threat?”

___

“The Learned One and her friends have made contact with The Sisters.” Zeph alerted the others that had been trying to observe the siblings via one of the many mirrors that lined the walls near the club’s seating area.

“We need to decide soon if we are going to do something,” Beckett remarked. “If The Learned One convinces The Sisters who they truly are, they’ll be in grave danger.”

“Beckett’s right. Everyone in the magick world felt something when they came together and the binding spell broke.” Griffin pinched the bridge of his nose before exhaling deeply. “But if they do a spell and there is no precaution in place, then those forces that wish to do them harm will be on them instantly. We gotta do something Donovan.”

***

End Note: Cade Phillips is the name of my MC from It Lives in the Woods. Also, special thanks to @endlessly-searching-for-you for letting me reference her fic, Plane Luck. The events of that story have a similar, corresponding event in my AU. If you haven’t read it, you should check it out.

[isopale]

Here is my entry for @covered-byroses turning 1 writing challenge!

This is my first time writing anything for others to see, and it kinda got away from me... Had to cut it off where i did for now because it juat kept going and going and going..... And next thing i know wow.

Summary: You have a secret you've kept hidden all this time. Until something kills your husband and threatens to expose everything. Just so happens a couple hunters get more than the case they signed up for.

Pairing: none (yet 😘)

Warnings: character death (vaguely/generally discribed)

A quiet normal life was obviously too much to ask for. The past few years had been a lot of running around from place to place, ducking monsters and hunters. Was there nowhere that didn't have some kind of monster in it? How hard was it really?

The monsters never bothered you, they all seemed to know something was off and to stay away. You don't bother them, they don't bother you, simple as that. But some the hunters that came after them were different, these humans that have made it their duty to protect the clueless ones could be dangerous. Some of them have let the jobs get into their heads, and it's changed them. That's why you always left any town they came to, just to be safe.

Angels and demons on the other hand were absolute nightmares. You had spent more than your fair share with them and fighting them. If an angel was in a town, it was drop everything and run before they see you. Demon, leave before a hunter comes since most demons topside were too young go recognize you.

With all the constant moving, you were alone.

Until you met your (murdered) husband. He was a self proclaimed free spirit. Loved to move from place to place and rarely stayed anywhere for more than a few months. You had been hesitant but eventually warmed up to him and before long married, and fell in love. Since he just sooo happened to show up in the same places as you, he was a risk you wanted to take. He was your guilty pleasure, and his death was your fault.

He never knew what hit him. But obviously some demon went looking for the legend not even your dear old dad believed.

After your husband was murdered, you made it your obsession to find and kill it. Someone was talking and it wasn't going to end well.

You had been looking around and discovered that there was apparently a pack of wolves living in town. Small pack, looks to be exclusively family unit. Mother, father, and 2 girls (possibly nearing their 20s) and a teenage boy.

Of course… never a dull moment.

Not too surprising being in the middle of nowhere texas, but in the weeks you had been watching them they only fed on their livestock.

Which makes other murders in town very strange. What ever was responsible made sure to make it look like a werewolf attack.

…

Sam and Dean had been interviewing the investigators and witnesses all day for these “animal attacks”.

“Sounds like a werewolf Sammy,” Dean said opening a beer from the mini fridge.

“Yeah. Where is it hiding though?” Sam mused leaning back in the ratty bedside chair. “No one i touched was bothered by the silver ring today.”

“Good idea of Bobby's by the way. I might have to go check the local talent with it,” Dean said with a smirk lounging on one of the two small beds in the motel room.

“Dude,”

“oh Lighten up Sammy. I was gonna let you go first this time”

“Do whatever you want. I'm going to bed.” Sam rolled his eyes before moving to the other bed, that was a few inches too short for him “Remember we have to talk to the widows tomorrow so try not to have hooker glitter on you this time.”

“That only happened once.”

…

You didn't like to make a habit of being near hunters but you couldn't leave town now. It had only been a few months since you were married and less than a year since you and your husband had known each other. But that didn't make it hurt any less. It had been so long since you had had someone close to you.

You had visited the wolfs farm, this time to talk instead of spy, this morning before work at the small second hand clothes shop downtown. The Hensen's, you should probably remember their name. They were nice and accommodating once convinced you weren't there to harm them. Josh, the husband, wide and sturdy man was willing and ready to end any threat to his family. (Oh those hunters are going to have fun with this one) Amelia, the mother, tall woman towering over you although extremely soft spoken due to then she was turned her throat had very nearly been ripped out leaving a large angry scar. (You wondered if the big one of the two hunters was taller than her) The girls were twins, Anna and Marie, simple small town girls. And the son, Rich, solid country muscle farm boy.

They had been living there for years, long enough to build up that farm and to have the stock numbers to cover their feeding habits. They always sold or gave away what they didn't need. Most of the town thought they ran a home butcher shop and over the years that's what it turned into. But now with the murders and the hunters in town they were all on high alert.

Those hunters were going around town talking to the other 3 widows. Now you could see them through the store window across the street parking that vintage beauty. Both of them were way too sexy to be whatever government agents they were pretending to be. Sex with your husband (the few times it did happen) was great it was meaningful, but he would rather sleep under the stars or not leave the couch unless absolutely necessary to binge on something. But these two hunters made you think sinful thoughts.

Oh if only boys.

Putting on your customer service voice “Good afternoon gentleman. How can I help you?”

“We're federal agents in town working the recent animal attack cases,” the shorter of the two stated as they flash very nice but very fake FBI badges. “We were wondering if there was a (y/n y/l/n) here.”

“That would be me.” not even trying to remember the names on the ids, they wouldn't be real anyway. “Are you going to find out what happened to my husband?”

“Yes ma'am, we are very sorry for your loss,” now it's the taller ones turn “but we were hoping we could ask you a few questions?”

Giving them a sad smile before turning back to arrange new rack of clothes “Sure but i'm the only one here until closing at 6. You can ask here or wait until then.”

The tall one narrowed his eyes slightly. He seemed to want to say something else.

I don't even know what I'm not supposed to know. Normal people don't think werewolf right?

“How 'bout you meet us at the diner down the street when you get off? You can help us out over a quick bite,” he stepped around the small rolling rack of new clothes to make you look at him.

“Sure,” you try your best to hold back fake tears “I'll be there about 15 after.”

…

Too bad you didn't have time to creep on them before the diner, you have to admit they were nice to look at.

They're waiting in a booth in the back, both on one side with backs against the wall to watch everyone else. The tall one with long hair politely waves his hand when you enter. The shorter one has beautiful green eyes, he stands and helps you into the benchseat across from them. The had already ordered you a coffee and a glass of water.

“Thank you for coming Ms (y/l/n),” says the tall one

“How long were you and your husband living here before he was attacked?” Asks the green eyed hunter

“We only came here about a month ago. We didn't plan on staying, we wanted to travel around the country. You know live on the road,” You say not entirely lying “we just pick somewhere to go and get some small jobs around to hold us over for a bit.”

“Wait you don't live here?” Asked the tall one, he was trying to hide his suspicion with empathy.

Hunters…

“No, I'm still staying in the little motel,” you say “I was going to switch rooms but… i couldn't bring myself to…” you say fake holding back tears, you've shed all the tears you needed. Now you want the thing that killed him to suffer.

“We're sorry.” Says the tall one, his features soften and he gives you a look of genuine sympathy. “Why did you stay? Couldn't you have gone back home?”

“Neither of us have any family anywhere, we’re alone.” Now you hold back real tears, suddenly very interested in that coffee.

Taking a sip you realize why it was there before you were. Holy water. It stings some now when it usually doesn't, but you hold your composure. These two aren't playing around, they legitimately think you're the killer.

When green eyes shifts his hands on the table you notice why he helped you into the seat.

Holy water and silver rings, these two are a lot more interesting than i thought.

You sigh and decide to tell them what they want to know… sort of.

“I'm not the one who killed those people or my husband.” you whisper. They glance at each other and some unspoken thing goes between them but before they can feed you more BS you continue. “It wasn't a werewolf either. I know it looks bad but the bodies should have been more tore up, when has a wolf ever ripped out a heart without leaving any other marks?”

“Ma'am werewolves don't exist. We know traumatic experiences like this ca--” the long haired giant begins but green eyes stops him.

“Sam she knows.” He whispers to him “I guess we can cut the act for you then.” He directs to you this time. “What do you know?”

Mmm like to be incharge do ya not-sam.

“I'll tell you what I know but it's not much, and not here. I'm leaving in the morning,” You say “meet me at the butchers farm outside town in an hour.” You get up to leave not waiting for an answer.

…

After the 15 minute walk back to the motel you enter your room. You spare one last glance at the first bed and your heart clenches. You just need to pack the few clothes you have in your backpack and the essentials and be on your way to the farm. You plan on staying with the wolves until the hunters leave and your mind is too preoccupied with things to take and things to leave you didn't notice the rug was moved. Then you bumped the barrier reaching for the moon necklace your husband had given you. You had been so hurt and angry lately you hadn't been careful enough.

“Told you Sammy.” You heard from the doorway

You had not been pissed before but you were now. Hunters, always shoot first and ask questions after. Between angels, demons, and hunters you couldn't catch a break.

“Why'd you do it? Was he even your husband or just some poor sap that happened to be passing through town at the same time?” Sam asked accusingly

“It's not what you think” you say taking a breath to calm down and try and get out of the circle. But green eyes cuts you off.

“Why do you demons think you can just kill whenever you want and we won't find you,” he opens a small leather book “ now were going to save that poor girl you're wearin--”

“I LOVED HIM! LOOK AROUND YOU IDIOT!” So much for calm. You raise your hand and they both are flung against the headboards. You shut your eyes and take another breath.

You feel the darkness fading and with it the circles hold as you step over the barrier, careful to keep your hold on the men before you. You open your eyes to see them staring wide eyed and speechless. Their eyes locked on yours, you know they see the black they are used to but yours also have the familiar blue-white glow as well.

“What are you?” Sam breathes

Striding to the nightstand between the beds you slowly take your necklace before answering “I WILL find out who killed my husband, with or without your help. You have 20 minutes to be at the butchers now and I'll tell you what i know.” You say firmly making your way to the door making sure to walk through the circle again for them to see.

You spare one last look at them. “You know if i was into being on this end of things you two might be in trouble like that”

You release your hold on them as you slip out the door on the last word.

…

Something was different about the boy when you had ran into him that morning before the hunters came to the shop and you were hoping you were wrong.

Even if I'm right I can just fix him when I'm done.

You had been running since you left the motel, you're not going back to that little car you had since someone probably will recognize it again.

“(Y/N)!”

You skid to a stop in front of the Hensen's gate, trying to slow your breathing and heart rate after the 2 mile run.

“(Y/N)!” It must be one of the twins running up the drive yelling for you.

“Please. There's something wrong with Rich.”

Just then you hear the roar of the hunters car coming up the road.

“Get the rest of your family and hide. DO NOT come out until i come get you.” You grab her shoulders and make her look at you “Where is he?”

“He- he's in the barn. Mom is went after him, please don't let them hurt them.” She sobs

You shove her toward the house “GO!” Then tear off to the barn in the light of the hunters impala.

Just before you reach the barn a body is thrown through the doors, you manage to stop it in the air before it smashes into you. It's the mother, you lay her gently at your feet never touching her. It's been so long since you've used your powers it feels good to do it again.

“Don't you touch her!” The green eyed hunter yells gun drawn on you.

You hover your hand over the mother and let the healing white light do its job. Both men stand above you guns at the ready.when When you're done you snap your fingers and send her to her own bed far away from the hunters, still unsure if they will leave this family alone.

…

Dean and I argued the whole way to the farm about (y/n). He thinks it's some kind of demon trick that she got out of the devils trap, that she must have broke the circle before stepping in it. But i saw her run into it, it stopped her from reaching the nightstand when she reached out.

Then her still using her powers on us while trapped shouldn't be possible. And those eyes. Cas’ eyes only glow blue-white in the iris’, and no other angel has black around them. Whatever she is we've never seen anything like her.

'Into being on this end of things…’ more arousing than it should be coming from a possible demon.

'Into being on this end of things…’ more arousing than it should be coming from a possible demon.

Before we could act she snapped away the wife.

“You people are always shoot first and answers later.” She stood us to her full height, barely coming to the middle of my chest before swinging around to face Dean.

“MOVE” she shoves past my brother and i have to hide a laugh

“Wait! We don't know what's in there.” I try to stop her but she's already opening the doors before either of us can stop her.

“Ugh. Just stand still and I do everything. hunters…”

What must be the farmers son is standing in the middle of the loft above us cocky smile and black eyes.

"I didnt think you were real little one"