#inspired by my relations with catharsis. its different for everyone

[scopostims]

stimboard loosely based around catharsis :•]

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[sitp-recs]

Anime Recs Pt 2

Any BL fan knows that sports anime is all about the homoerotic tension between the MC, his team players and his rivals 🤌🏼 trust this genre to serve in both aesthetics and feels - which means it deserves its own list! I tried to include a little bit of everything from hidden gems like Ryman’s Club to big hits like Haikyu. Most of these have 🌈 vibes if you squint (sometimes not that hard) with YoI being more intentional about it. And for those who love found family like me, you can’t go wrong with 1, 2 or 6. I hope everyone can get something for their tastes and find catharsis as they cheer for these pretty boys. This is the second part of my anime rec series, you can find the first list here. Enjoy!

1. Backflip!! 🤸🏻‍♂️

Summary: Shotaro Futaba loved sports, but was never good enough. But watching a group of gymnasts in the park and seeing them in a gymnastics tournament, he decides to join their school and become part of the gymnastic team. With new members, Shotaro and Ryoya Misato, the team aims for the upcoming Inter-High tournament.

2. Big Windup! ⚾️

Summary: The story follows the story of Ren Mihashi, a pitcher who was blamed by his middle school team for their string of losses, and as a result suffers from low self-esteem and transfers to a different high school. There, the school's first baseball team is being formed and Mihashi reluctantly joins as their Ace Pitcher.

3. Free! 🏊‍♂️

Summary: Free is set in the town of Iwatobi, Japan, which is based on Iwami, Tottori. The story is centered on high school student Haruka Nanase, a gifted swimmer. After encountering his childhood rival, Rin Matsuoka from Samezuka Academy, he and his friends revitalize Iwatobi High School's swim team.

4. Haikyu!! 🏐

Summary: Junior high school student, Shoyo Hinata, becomes obsessed with volleyball after catching a glimpse of Karasuno High School playing in the Nationals on TV. Of short stature himself, Hinata is inspired by a player the commentators nickname 'The Little Giant', Karasuno's short but talented wing spiker.

5. Kuroko no Basket 🏀

Summary: The story follows Kuroko's journey to success with his team, with most of the episodes being based around one or part of one challenging game, in which Kuroko and his teammates, most notably Taiga Kagami, perform plays and have short conversations with opposing players in the heat of the match.

6. Run with the Wind 🏃‍♂️

Summary: After abandoning competitive running back in high school, Kakeru Kurahara has no desire to return to the sport during his college years. But when an impromptu shoplifting-related sprint brings his talent to the attention of Haiji Kiyose, he soon finds himself wrapped up in an adventure he never imagined.

7. Salaryman’s Club 🏸

Summary: The story follows Mikoto Shiratori, a recently unemployed badminton prodigy who has the ability of foresight. After getting fired from Mitsuhoshi Banking for losing a match for their company sports badminton team, he gets recruited by Sunlight Beverage to play for their team and become a sales rep.

8. SK8 the Infinity 🛹

Summary: In Okinawa, a group of hardcore skaters participate in a secret, no-holds-barred competition after midnight known as "S", racing each other on skateboards down a winding road carved out of an abandoned mine. Reki, a high school sophomore and hardcore skater, takes new transfer student Langa to S one night, and ends up pulling him into the world of skateboarding.

9. Tsurune 🏹

Summary: Minato joins the Kazemai High School Archery Club and along with his old friends and new teammates, Nanao Kisaragi and Kaito Onogi, they aim for winning the prefectural tournament while trying to overcome their doubts and shortcomings.

10. Yuri!!! On ICE ⛸️

Summary: Japanese figure skater Yuri Katsuki faces a crushing defeat during the Grand Prix finals and heads home, unsure of whether or not he wishes to continue his skating career. After a video of Yuri mimicking Russian figure skater Victor Nikiforov's routine goes viral, Victor decided to become Yuri's coach, much to the dismay of his coach, his fans, and his fellow Russian skater Yuri Plisetsky.

[qyburn]

up to the part in chimera ant where pitou is born.

the way the whole scene plays out with the rabbit guy does such a good job addressing the concept of predestined shounen power or someone just being lucky enough to have been born of great warriors, aka gon & killua! gon is slightly different since he lived in nature all his life & learned how to hone his senses to levels that were supernatural before the show even got into the hunter exam let alone nen but he also has ging’s legacy to uphold, esp since everyone & their mother seems to know about the two of them. in regards to the behavior of the chimera ants & the process of phagogenesis, the ants are only born with their particular views on society & power bc they’re getting it from the humans the queen digested; every prejudice, every feeling of entitlement, except made worse when put through the black-and-white filter of animal survival. predators and prey are natural elements of any food chain & thus free of any moral failure, but ingesting humans also gave the ants the anxieties humans have over falling short where others effortlessly succeed. it made them aware of their place in the food chain & gave way to ambition, frustration, hatred, sadism, and eventually subservience, which is what the rabbit guy went through.

my point in how it relates to gon & killua is that while we know the ants inherited the most toxic parts of humanity, we learn from the apex himself that it is entirely possible to unlearn these things & open your heart, even if it makes you vulnerable. the only other option is to stick with seeking power for power’s sake & closing your heart. gon’s upbringing differs from killua’s because he was not raised in prejudice, while the zoldycks actually foreshadow the ants: a tight-knit family of killers that believe themselves to be above everyone else, & have the power to “prove” it. this is continued with the phantom troupe. and what begins cracking the foundation of all three units is not just love, but the Choice to love. its easy for gon to love, because mito and the rest of whale island loved him. to killua, its like swallowing poison, and much like his training, he swallows enough of it that it starts to change him. whats even more interesting is that as the new zoldyck generation continues to be born, the less interested they are in sticking by their family, because no one is born hard. no one is born with hate in their heart. they have to learn it. (kalluto’s a somewhat grey take on that since hes the second youngest & was forced to spend way too much time with kikyo, but thats because he was undertaking two forms of molding: to be a killer & to be the daughter she wanted.)

the ants are born into a mold, only knowing to follow the basic instincts of eat or be eaten. as they get more self-aware, they start having emotional responses to that, and a resulting desire for individuality. these feelings get sent into turmoil when they get threatened by ants who are much stronger & in a higher class than them, & they learn defeatism when they decide there’s no point in seeking improvement. a lot of the adults kinda echo this when they see how powerful gon & killua are, but they don’t feel defeated in the end. most if not all of them are like “ykw? i haven’t trained in a while. i should go back to that. this new generation of hunters has inspired me.” you have to be open to change, or it’ll literally kill you.

 this applies to gon’s fate because for all his patience & kindness, he rarely allowed himself the catharsis of pure, unfiltered rage. he was justifiably angry at many of his enemies, but he never wanted to hurt anyone just for the sake of inflicting pain. he unfortunately needed moments like that, because little moments of change matter just as much as the larger scale ones, even if they give way to negative feelings. in the same episode, the lion guy sees how powerful the main trio are & makes his squad retreat, admitting that they’re vastly outclassed, but now are blessed with the ability to learn from this mistake. gon did not ever allow himself to fail or fall short -- we see during a scene from the hunter exam arc where hes gritting his teeth & crying bc he wasn’t strong enough to complete some kind of task. gon was raised with love, but is now too deep into the world of his father, a world where inflicting & experiencing the most brutal pain is the only way to sharpen yourself. we see through killua that its not. we see through meruem that its not.

gon’s whole arc depicts him progressively losing the purity (not naivety!) he tried so hard to cling to, an innocence that he may actually believe to be a fault. “if i harden myself & go through the toughest training & witness things no child should have to see, ill be worthy enough for my dad. but i couldn’t save his friend, an extension of him, the only real link ill probably ever have, so it goes to show that i have been unworthy this whole time. the last thing i can do to uphold this legacy even a little bit will be to die fighting the thing that killed him. dad would want me to.” gon, a child, will slit his own throat before he kneels to a higher power, before kneeling to anyone who isn’t ging. and that is the tragedy bc its the one thing he can’t change, or unlearn, or whose toxicity he cant even admit to. my dad hits me because he loves me

[restlesssinner]

I mean I think the reason conversations about “animal rights” veer into religious beliefs more often than not is that the belief in animal rights is much less objective than the belief in human rights. Like, with humans, most of us can agree that we should make decisions that avoid human suffering as much as possible.

To me this makes sense; we are a species with a more developed cognitive understanding of life than any other living creature known to humanity. If there is any being whose existence deserves to be protected, it’s the one that has a mind with a conscience of its own.

However, if we try to expand the category of beings that deserve rights, we run into a big problem fast: how far should we expand this category? Should we protect all living beings, including bacteria and fungi? Should we just protect conscious life forms, like slugs and mosquitoes? Or maybe just warm blooded creatures, e.g. chicken and rats?

In my opinion, finding a distinction is fruitless endeavor that stems from a single source of confusion; animals look like humans. Ravens and puppies are equally smart, but the average person will empathize with more with the dog simply because it activates the emotions we’re meant to feel when we look at a human baby.

The thing is, just because something looks cute doesn’t mean its desires can be weighed against those of an actual human. I’m not saying it’s wrong to feel love for your pets, but neither is feeling love for an anime body pillow or a character from a tv show, and yet people demonize animal cruelty with a seriousness spared to those who damage other types of, legally speaking, property.

There is some irony, though, in instances where people famous for their disregard for human life are revealed to be huge animal lovers. Almost everyone has heard the “Hitler was a vegetarian” anecdote, but I personally believe there is a larger case to be examined for how people with an extremely selective sense of empathy tend to relate with barely-sentient life forms as a way to subconsciously justify bigotry towards actual human beings (best represented by the anti-abortion movement).

As an extremely left-wing activist, this might be the most controversial opinion I have amongst the people I relate to politically. So, just to clarify, I still believe there are valid reasons for protecting animal lives - and not because of some pseudo-scientific belief in the individual rights of animals.

See, unregulated forms of experimentation and farming aren’t just bad for the animals; they’re more likely to lead to air pollution and diseases that affect humans in lethal ways. As for water pollution and unlicensed hunting, the death of a single species can destabilize their entire ecosystem, ecosystems which humans still rely on for food, oxygen and spiritual inspiration.

I’m a writer by trade, so don’t let these multiple paragraphs convince you that this is somehow the opinion I’m most passionate about; in fact, it’s more of a cultural pet peeve than a war against animal protections. I certainly don’t hate vegans just because I consider their diets akin to people who refuse to eat foods that have fish or the color yellow.

That being said, I don’t care for the hostility directed by people who spite me for saying I care more for the life of an average human than I do for a truck full of kittens, or that rituals with animal sacrifices aren’t comparable to video games or horror movies in the ways they provide emotional catharsis through visceral imagery, all in a relatively harmless way.

To bring it all full circle, I think disregarding people’s opinions based on religious beliefs is a double edged sword. Just because someone is atheistic or agnostic doesn’t mean they aren’t vulnerable to having biased beliefs, as is anyone who (like me) believes in the difference between moral and immoral choices.

It’s vital we judge people based on what morals they believe in, and not whether they phrase it as a rule of “god” or “society”.

every discussion of animal rights inevitably draws in someone who goes "well i think God made squirrels so we can torture them to death and honor the strength He gives us" and it's like ??? ok? then i don't think this is going to be a very productive conversation?

[transformers-fan-continuities]

Spotlight: Ties That Bind

This one’s a doozy folks! If you missed the last spotlight you can go read it here, but strap in for The Ties That Bind, an absolutely brilliant take on humanformers. It’s hosted here at @tiesthatbind-tf​ created by @artsy-hobbitses​!

Q) Give us a run down of your cont! What's it about, what's it called, what's it like?

Ties That Bind is a humanformers-based original continuity which is part Science Fiction and part Alternate History where the invasion of Quintessons and introduction of their technology to Earth in 1920 sets the world and humankind on a completely different trajectory. The active narrative spans a period from 1920 to 2070, covering the First and Second Quintesson Wars, the interplanetary Antillan War (leading to the creation of Unicron on Mars) and the Great War which involves the Autobots, Decepticons and Functionist stalwarts, and how it affects the characters.

The cast is pretty sprawling and the narrative is mostly centred around human drama with bits of humor interspaced and a dash of horror (mostly centred around how the previous government often chose to utilize the technology left behind from the Quintesson Wars to create new systems of oppression, which affected many of the characters, in the name of worldwide rebuilding efforts).

Q) What characters take the lead here? Any personal favorites?

I will admit to this continuity being very much heavy on the relationship between Old Bastards  Optimus Prime and Megatron, which is given considerable weight as they were best friends who had known each other since childhood and were deeply intrinsic to each other’s growths as individuals, which makes it all the worse when guilt and betrayal enter the party. Despite being captains in two corners of this battle, there’s a part of them that just cannot let go of their pasts together and they need to reconcile with how this will affect their agenda (Megatron) and how they lead their team (Optimus) who don’t necessarily share their history.

Other characters with significant development include:

Starscream, a Cold Construct in a toxic working relationship with Megatron with whom he is hiding a dark secret, who struggles to balance the underhanded viciousness he believes he needs to gain power and his innate desire from his Senate days to make the world a better place. 

Windblade, a Camien native who fights her government’s apathy concerning the situation on Earth which they see as unsalvageable compared to their more Utopian society. 

Prowl, a Cold Construct raised from childhood to be a cop in a police state, who finds out that he was brainwashed several times  to ensure his obedience and efficacy as a government asset and is now working to reclaim some semblance of the humanity he was never allowed to feel and figure out how much of him is who he really is and how much is programming.

Hound, a sheltered Beastman who joined the fight to ensure that Beastmen the world over would have the same rights he did in his homeland of Shetland Isle, but is forcefully stripped of his humanity and faced with his animal side during the war and has to relearn what personhood means amid his trauma.

Q) Is there a bigger point to this, like a theme or some catharsis? Or is it just fluffy fun?

God with the amount of time I spent sleepless trying to figure out how the logistics of this or the semantics of that were supposed to work in universe, I cannot for the life of me say it’s fluffy fun, but I can’t exactly say it hasn’t been pretty engaging either!

There’s elements of war being messy for everyone involved where there doesn’t seem to be a clear line between friend and foe at times, but I think for most part it prescribes to  Jean-Jacques Rousseau’s belief that people are inherently good, but are corrupted by the evils of society. Despite its dark themes (Including but not limited to child abuse, torture, illegal experimenation  and brainwashing), love and friendships do prevail, kindness does beget kindness, found families are made, even the smallest actions matter, and things do get better because there are people on both sides who genuinely want to, and strive to make it better.

With Cold Constructs and Beastmen, it also delves heavily into what it means to be human; to have agency and personhood.

There’s also a strong undercurrent of taking responsibility for one’s actions, even if they were made with the best of intentions (Avoidance of this is what eats up Starscream and Megatron from the inside, and what Starscream eventually embraces).

Q) How long have you been working on it?

There’s two answers to this!

I’ve had a Humanformers-related universe going all the way back to 2007 around the time the first Bayformers came out---basically I had a choice between learning to draw cars or draw people (I was an anthro artist back then) and I immediately chose people.

The 2007 draft however had no worldbuilding or connective storylines and was mostly a fun little venture into character design and practice which were actually instrumental to me experimenting and learning how to draw humans properly.

I left the fandom for about a decade and when I came back to it in late 2020 around September via the War for Cybertron series on Netflix, I immediately got hooked on the 2005 IDW comics I missed out on and wanted to get around to updating my old designs as well find a way to translate several of the concepts I wanted to explore in a human sense, so the 2020 update became its own full-fledged original continuity with detailed worldbuilding and history.

You can see the artistic evolution of several characters from their original incarnation below!

Q) It’s incredible to see your artistic improvement too! Give us a behind-the-scenes look! Show us a secret ;))

Say hello to my workspace! I’ve been working exclusively on the Ipad Pro since late 2016, which is fantastic because I can basically whip up concepts and sketches on the go anywhere. Nowhere is too out of bounds to work on TTB!

Also, do enjoy this sneak peek at true!form Rung, whose synthezoid human body took years to perfect.

Q) YESSSSS alright I must admit this is one of my favorite Rungs, and certainly my fave within TTB. Amazing. Phew, anyway. Where did you draw inspiration from? What canons, what other fiction, what parts of real life?

TTB was initially conceived as a faithful retelling of the IDW 2005 narrative before it was transformed into its own continuity and as such, it borrows heavily from concepts and mirrored plot lines introduced in that run! I chose to have the series inspired off it specifically for the amount of history and worldbuilding it introduced to the franchise.

Anime like Gunslinger Girl and Beastars inspired the depictions of Cold Constructs, especially the more harrowing aspects of their upbringing as government assets instead of children, and Beastmen (Beastformers) in TTB.

I haven’t depicted the world itself in my art all too much, but the architecture from Tiger and Bunny, which has sort of a futuristic Art Deco feel to it, is what you’d usually see in major cities. There is an in-universe reason for that---with a Point Of Divergence set in 1920 followed by 25 years (an entire generation) of progress basically being kicked to the curb due to the Quintesson wars, mankind was basically in a time-locked bubble until the end of the wars, and by then their heroes were 1920s-style rebellion leaders, which lead to 1920s fashion (especially among the Manual Working Class---Megatron, Jazz and Optimus all rock 1920s fashion at some point of their lives) and architecture being celebrated and retained as sort of a reminder of how things were before The Invasion. This anime’s background design is also where I adopted the tiered system TTB’s major metropolises are often built on (with each tier being designated to a different working class) from.

The main artistic style itself is a love letter to 90s cartoons, in particular Gargoyles’ deep and drama-driven character narratives and designs as well as The Centurions’ take on body armor logistics.

I also take inspiration, especially armor-wise, from the characters’ given heritage and background. As an example, Hotrod who is depicted as Irish has the flames on his armor done up with Celtic knots. Welsh aristocrat Mirage’s armor bears olden knight-style filigree and has his Autobot logo designed as a coat of arms. Indonesian Soundwave’s armor and Decepticon logo takes cues from Batik and Wayang Kulit while their mask is based off the Barong.

Q) They are absolutely gorgeous! Show off something you're really proud of, a particular favorite part of your cont.

The worldbuilding in general! Most Humanformers I’ve seen tend to treat it like a fun exercise which it is and is definitely valid, but I found myself wanting a full-fledged world to lose myself in and I sought to try and make that world myself by drafting a detailed history and timeline of events which would affect ongoing narratives, having indepth worldbuilding to include almost all societal aspects of the universe and  expanding on the concept of Beastmen and Cold Constructs existing in a human setting.

I’m not so secretly proud of the research and diversity included to make the cast look like the multicultural, globally-based team that they were meant to be instead of being locked to a single region! My original draft from 2007 was, to put it simply, quite culturally monolithic and I wanted to improve on that aspect with TTB.

I’m also proud that I’ve kept to it this far! I’m a notoriously flaky person jumping from one idea/fandom to another and to have kept at this continuity for the better part of ten months is honestly a personal feat.

Art-wise, this scene depicting a young Megatron working alongside Terminus and Impactor (cameo by @weapon-up-wallflower​‘s OC Missit!)  is definitely one of my favorites since it helps build up the world they live in and plays to familial bonds and comfort found in one another despite their less than ideal circumstances.

Q) Everything has come together so beautifully, you absolutely should be proud. What other fan canons do you love and why? Would you like to see them interviewed?

I am dying to hear more from @iscaredspider​’s Sparkpulse continuity! Her designs are MIND-BLOWINGLY GORGEOUS and I want to hear more about what inspired her to work on it!

Also YOU. Yes YOU BLURRITO. LET ME HEAR MORE ABOUT SNAP.

Q) [wails and squirms away in the mortifying ordeal of being known but in a very flattered way] I WILL SOMEDAY I PROMISE aflghsdjg thank you QwQ

Well that was fantastic, Oni, thank you muchly! A magnificent continuity with so much to look forward to! Coming up next is another personal fave of mine, the first inspiration for SNAP, so stick around...

[jostenneil]

I would like some shoujo recs! I haven't read any in a longtime. I don't mind if they have love triangles or love quadrangles as long as the dynamics are good.

i’m sorry for getting to this late! and i hope it’s okay to rec some josei as well, the only difference between shoujo and josei strictly speaking is the age demographic, otherwise both traditionally cater towards women (not that other ppl can’t read these obv!) 

princess tutu (anime) - this is one of the greatest pieces of shoujo i’ve ever been exposed to. it centers on a rly clever and cathartic adaptation of the swan lake mythos, and what’s most interesting about it is its focus on storytelling. the primary tag line of the show is “may those who accept their fate be granted happiness. may those who defy their fate be granted glory”. it’s all about the characters making choices and realizing their own ability to write the story that follows, rather than remaining shackled to the insidious story penned by the primary villain, drosselmeyer. the relationships are complex and dark but also rly healing in the long run, and the ballet aesthetics are exquisite! 

kanata kara (manga) - this isekai manga centers on noriko, a girl suddenly dropped into an alternate world where she’s referred to as “the awakening”, fated to awaken the monstrous sky demon. everyone in this world is bent on getting “the awakening” first to use it to their own benefit, but noriko is actually found by the sky demon, a boy named izark, and they start to travel together through various countries while on the run. the rly charming point of kanata kara is that noriko doesn’t magically know the language of the world, she has to learn it entirely from scratch. she’s also someone who works rly hard to be useful and a source of solid support for izark and the friends she makes, and i think that coupled with the narrative message of each person having their part to play in the betterment of the world is rly inspiring to read about 

akagami no shirayukihime (anime/manga) - shirayuki is a girl with rly vibrant red hair, and the prince of her country wants her as his concubine bc of it, so she decides to run away to the neighboring country. there she meets the country’s second prince, zen, along with his friends at the palace, and she makes a new living for herself as a palace pharmacist. it’s a rly sweet manga that i appreciate for delving into the behind the scenes part of court politics, particularly bc we tend to think that fantasies imply battles, but that’s not necessarily the end all, be all of relations between countries. there’s also a wonderful focus on shirayuki’s work as a pharmacist, and how her knowledge of plants and medicinal herbs helps her support zen as he works to become a prince more involved with his people 

legend of basara (manga) - this series focuses on a post apocalyptic japan ruled by an oppressive emperor. a child of prophecy is fated to be born into a village and save the country, and when twins are born, the villagers assume the brother is the fated savior. when they grow up, however, one of the emperor’s sons, the red king, kills the brother, and so his sister, sarasa, has to pretend she’s the one who died so she can carry on the revolution as her brother, else all hope is lost. all of this is tied in with the fact that in her rare free time, sarasa happens to meet a boy named shuri, who is actually the red king! neither of them know each other’s real identities or that they’re the ones facing each other on the battlefield, so it makes for a rly angty romance, coupled in with excellent political commentary on privilege and oppression. shuri has one of the best antagonist to protagonist developments i’ve ever seen, and sarasa is a great example of a character vested with so much responsibility, who wants to bring her people to freedom but also be just a normal girl 

honey and clover (anime/manga) - this is one of my all time favorites! it follows some university students attending art school and their day-to-day life as they struggle to create, maintain relationships with each other, graduate, etc. i think chica umino’s works in general can be exemplified by her portrayal of every day life, and how it’s not so mundane and actually carries a lot of emotion. there’s so much catharsis present in this work for me bc it really reaches out to people who feel lost of purposeless or alone in their lives and feel like they have no reason to continue creating or moving forward. i think it also has a rly realistic portrayal of romance in the sense that its focus is on how characters grow through romance rather than whether they end up with a certain person. esp if you’re a college student, i think it’ll rly resonate with you 

kobato (manga) - this was serialized in a seinen magazine for some reason but i think most ppl agree it feels shoujo in delivery. it’s probably my personal favorite clamp work. the floral aesthetics and artwork of angels is absolutely gorgeous, and it features a rly endearing story about a girl, kobato, who must collect “healed hearts” in a bottle in order to return to a certain place. i can’t really reveal what i most enjoy about it without giving away serious spoilers, but there’s that classic clamp execution of the binding nature of contracts and weighing the things we want against the things we must do, which makes for some rly heartfelt, angsty progressions. mostly i just love seeing the narrative unfold kobato, as she starts off as is this seemingly naive girl who we come to realize is actually hurting deeply inside

lovely complex (anime) - this is a classic so if you’ve already heard of it i wouldn’t be surprised but nonetheless it’s probably my favorite in that area of early 00s shoujo romcoms. the story follows risa and otani, who are known as a comedic duo in their high school bc she’s unusually tall and he’s unusually short. there’s lots of gags and kidding around, but ultimately the story delves into how both of them subconsciously fall for each other despite treating each other like gag men at first. there’s comedic love triangles and plenty of miscommunication galore, but i think it takes these shoujo tropes and puts a rly refreshing twist on them that drives you crazy in a way that’s actually very entertaining. the infamous bear curry gag has practically been immortalized in shoujo fandom 

yumeiro patissiere (manga) - this is another one most people have probably heard of BUT, that’s usually bc of the anime. the manga is actually much shorter and different in some ways, and at the end of the day i think i prefer it, esp art wise as the charm in matsumoto’s art style is just impossible to replicate anywhere else. it follows a girl named ichigo, who has a very sensitive taste palate and is spontaneously selected to attend a patissieres academy, despite the fact that she can’t cook for shit! she’s placed in the a-level class alongside the academy’s three genius students, commonly called the “sweets princes”, and they befriend and gradually help her hone her skills until she’s at a level where she can compete with them on a team. all in all it’s a rly endearing story about perseverance, hard work, and the desire to make ppl happy with the food you make for them (kitchen princess is also a predecessor to this series that i think may even have heavily inspired it and i would recommend it, too! it’s just a little on the darker side in terms of dramatics) 

this is just the start of a list tbh but these are some of my all time favorites that came to mind! do let me know if you try out and enjoy any of them, i would love to hear about it ❤️

[off-in-the-moors]

It is not the responsibility of art to be morally instructive. It is 100% YOUR responsibility to research something if you know you are a sensitive person, take responsibility for your self. Art does not need to be some clinical sanitized morality play, get over your weird Puritanical obsession that all art must conform to your specific world view. Either engage in challenging works or stick to children’s cartoons where you can feel ‘safe’.

-

Dear Anon,

I’m truly confused by this. I have no idea what are you referencing and what “inspired“ you to send me this “ask“. But I will do my best to give you something.

(It only took me this long to answer, bc I don’t log in very often.)

Let’s start with your assumption of me.

I’m not a sensitive person, in any meaning. I actually love reading and engaging in media that’s morally questionable or straight up morbid and disturbing. Some of my favorite thing are: paintings by Goya and Beksiński, folklore/mythology (in it’s most unchanged form), “Perfume“ both film and book, Hannibal tv series, true crime, to name a few. Your assumption that I’m just “a girl obsessed and only enjoying modern cartoons“ is insulting.

I actually do agree with you that art, in any form, isn’t responsible to be morally instructive, but every work of art is made to send some form of message, be an obvious one or hidden between pages. In my opinion, authors and writers should be aware of what message they want to send with their works and what messages they are sending with what and how they’re presenting.

On your “It is 100% YOUR responsibility to research something if you know you are a sensitive person, take responsibility for your self“ this is also true. But on the other hand, given media should provide you with some kind of warning and not a third party entity. For example, if I pick-up a YA book from a bookstore, bc of its synopsis or someone (be a person I know or a creator) recommended it to me, I don't expect "spicy" scenes or blatant a*use of a character by its love interest or just "torture p*rn" scenes in it but here they are. With no warning. Is it my fault? Partly yes. Is it the media's fault for not giving me any warnings? Also yes.

Even with researching "warnings" isn't that simple. When it comes to books, the only way is reading reviews or recommendations. With reviews, they're either positive and say nothing book related or are negative and full of spoilers. Recommendations nowadays most of the time don't even give you what the story is about, just "it has x, y and z in it", let alone "warnings". From my own experience, they either don't tell you about "unappropriated" stuff (be r*pe, d*ug a*use, a*use, etc.) or they down play them and in worst cases, excuse it or say "it gets better/it's addressed in the next book/later in the series".

But if you feel the need to micromanage everything you engage in, go for it. But most people don't and a warning would be nice.

(This of course doesn't apply to thing and character's actions deemed "problematic". If said stuff is well handled and addressed, it's perfectly ok to portray it. But again, if it addressed and/or showed as wrong, and not ignored, excused, or played as a joke.)

I don't know from where you took the "your weird Puritanical obsession", bc 1) I never petitioned for that in my posts, and 2) I'm actually against censuring and sanitation of media.

Now, on to what "inspired" you to write this.

Again, I have no f-clue. So here are my best guesses:

If it's about Pathologic: I only have problem with people forcing their politics, modern sentiments and opinions/interpretations on to something they don't fully understand, because they're from a different cultural climate. An American can't fully (or in some cases, refuses to) understand something made by Europeans (in this case Russians) for Europeans in mind. I don't want to mix myself into the fandom discourse/drama, because I don't care what people think or how they interpret stuff, even if it's taken from something minor or from nowhere with no support (or even is debunked) in canon. I don't care if people like or hate this one character. Just don't police people for liking things, you don't like. Nor do public shaming or send people on those you don't agree with. You don't like a pixel man on platform shoes? Fine. Just don't bully and attack people who do.

If it's about my post about B*rdugo's adult book: I will admit, the wording and presentation wasn't the best. I was writing it from a place of strong emotions, but I'm still standing by my opinion that some things should not be presented with graphic details in a book without any type of warning. Here we could have a discussion about trigger warnings in books, hers response to the idea of putting them on her book and what is consider "too far", but this isn't about that. I actually have a lot of problems with B*rdugo and her fan-base, besides that. Her use of Russia, it's history, religion iconography and culture only for aesthetic and not doing proper research (she called her series "Greg's trilogy") or showing any respect for it (with characters, how are not main and secondary characters, a Slavic stereotype); her portray of dyslexia and how the fandom likes to use it as a joke in relation to this character; or people shielding her from any form of criticism with "She's is xyz, so she can write this". But I don't care about her and her works.

I stopped reading YA books, because I can't stand them any longer and their "handling" of topics, with people holding up every-single-one as "the best book ever written", not because of the quality or story but because the author is xyz, and spitting at every book written before 2000s. I'll get flag for it but YA novels are the Pulp fiction of our times (of course not all, but most of the popular ones are). I stopped trusting people recommending them to me, because 90% of the time, I'm just disappointed by them.

If it's about K and TRC: I already said so much about this. Margaret isn't aware of her audience, she writes for herself (which she admitted on a podcast) and refuses to change it to please anyone. She created and killed K for two reasons: to further Ronan's character arc (to be used for teaching him to dream better and a (not working) foil of him (or Adam... or Gansey)) and as her weird catharsis of killing everything she hates (who she apparently was; "fratty boys and chortling men") personified as one boy (and yes, boy, because this fandom likes to forget he’s only seventeen, the same age as the Gangsey. If you excuses their actions, like Ronan and Adam’s racist jokes or Gansey’s toxic behaviors towards Adam with “they’re just teenagers”, why K is excluded from being a stupid teen?). With Jordan, it's now obvious that she has a bias of suffering/dealing with your trauma (and addiction) "in the right way", of which in her eyes, K wasn't. She could not create K or she could not make him a harmful stereotype of a Slav, but she did. In a book targeted at 13-18 year olds, we have a drug-addicted boy committing a public s*icide and being demonized and forgotten by everyone.

But I'm done with this fandom, I never had a place in it. TRC fandom is 80% P*nch with a 1% being about K, but even this little corner is "too much" for the stans. I left for a reason, the only thing I regret is not apologizing for my out-burst. If someone who knows what I’m referencing is reading this, I’m truly sorry.

So, yea. I hope, I addressed your issue, Anon.

[betweenthetimeandsound]

Three Minutes to Eternity: My ESC 250 (#140-131)

#140: Lordi -- Hard Rock Hallelujah (Finland 2006)

“You will see the jokers soon'll be the new kings!” I'm semi-convinced that if I heard this song when I was a child, I would've been so scared I would just hide (I also panicked at the cover of Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince, though that maybe because I didn't want to read such a long book). Watching it for the first time in 2020, I didn't mind it, though the monsters still puts me off. As much as I like to jam to this one, I can’t see myself listening to it over and over again. That said, one can’t take away from the sheer catharsis of this song, from the opening notes to how Lordi gleefully announces their arrival and thunders down Athens with the arockalypse. Whether it’s the first hard rock winner or the last schlager one, Lordi came, saw, and grabbed a first win for Finland after so many attempts, and made rock more popular in Eurovision for a few years. i You can’t resist yourself from headbanging to this one! Personal ranking: 3rd/37 Actual ranking: 1st/24 GF in Athens

#139: Natasha St-Pier -- Je n'ai que mon âme (France 2001)

“Mais je n'ai que mon âme pour te parler de moi, Oh, juste mon âme, mon âme et ma voix,” “But I only have my soul to talk to you about me. Oh, just my soul, my soul and my voice.” By the turn of the millenium, France switched back to contemporary ballads to represent them. While 1999 and 2000's entries didn't do well, their next two would be really strong songs amongst the weakest years ever, and that's why I appreciate France so much in the contest. Initially, I didn’t get it, because it sounded a bit derivative (not unlike what Celine Dion would sing). However, one thing which won me over was with the intro, which provided the base of a really great build. A soft intro leading to a lush instrumental, it shone above the crowd, and it turned from being "derivative" to being "gentle and sincere. Natasha delivers this with equal parts softness and grace, though the English parts did feel a bit out of place in the end. That might have cost it a (deserved) place on the podium, and France would have wait twenty more years for the next medal-placing. Personal ranking: 2nd/23 Actual ranking: 4th/23 in Copenhagen

#138: Lena -- Satellite (Germany 2010)

“I even painted my toenails for you I did it just the other day!"

Whenever you check the comments of any video on this song, you will note a bunch of angry Turkish people who insist MaNga should’ve won 2010. While I really love their song (and will end up later on the list), Satellite was a worthy winner. Along with its commercial success, Satellite is adorable because it is uptempo, sweet, and infectious. Lena acts like she’s having fun on stage and doesn’t even try to pretend. Her accent, which emerged as a result of her English teacher, adds to the charm and her overall innocence. It’s cute, which can turn off some people, but not me--I really embrace it. Also, Arilena Ara made a cover last year for Eurovision Home Concerts, which you should check out! It keeps the poppy vibe, but adds a funky edge to it. Personal ranking: 4th/39 Actual ranking: 1st/25 GF in Oslo

#137: Lazy Bums -- Shir Habatlanim (Israel 1987)

“עושה לי כוס קפה ומדליק לי הסיגריה יוצא אל המרפסת לפצח גרעינים הציפורים יורדות העציצים של המרפסת ומפזמות איתי את שיר הבטלנים” “I make myself a cup of coffee and light a cigarette I go out to the balcony to crack open some seeds The birds come down to the plants of the balcony And sing with me the bums’ song” The Culture Minister threatened to resign when Shir Habatlanim was chosen for the Israeli entry in 1987, but it adds to the charming element to this performance. After a decade in which the Israeli entries pranced around, this was something different, and the two actors really take on the role. The lyrics were a bit silly, but relatable with the bums not seeing the sun because of the buildings and doing random tasks while hanging out with the birds. The Lazy Song before the Lazy Song, I'm starting to think this is the "reality" on playing hooky, whereas "Ferris Bueller's Day Off" is the "expectations" part (and they are really high in the movie). The Blues Brothers-inspired performance ("We're coming to ya--"), combined with Kobi Oshrat's orchestration, makes this otherwise troll song into a comedic masterpiece. It's three minutes of fun and endearment, and I can't help but smile. Personal ranking: 4th/22 Actual ranking: 8th/22 in Brussels

#136: Antique -- (I Would) Die for You (Greece 2001)

"Κάθησα και σκέφτηκα Κι είδα ότι μ’ αγαπάς Μόνο εσύ, μόνο εσύ" "I sat down and thought Realised that you love me Only you, only you" Greece's first top-three placing in Eurovision is thanks to Helena Paparizou and guy whose name we do not know Nikos Panagiotidis, both who were based in Sweden at the time. They were well known for combining Greek instruments and dance beat; Opa Opa (written by Giorgios Alkaios, see #207 for his entry) is a really good example of this! (Thanks again, Nikos Terzis for composing this too) From the opening bouzouki, Die for You establishes a sense of cool; the pop production following it adds a sense of modernity that the 2001 class lacked for the most part. And compared to Je n'ai que mon ame (#139), the switch from Greek to English is absolutely natural. It feels like being in an exclusive club, filled with dim lighting and a very spacy ambience of it all--though the orange in Parken works as well. And despite being nineteen, Helena oozes cool in all the ways. From her sleek hair to her jumpsuit to how she moves, she makes the song her own, for what it's worth. I frequently find myself copying her handography, though sometimes my desk lamp blocks my left hand, making it feel a bit clumsy. Though I don't say this often, either Antique or Natasha should've won in 2001. Personal ranking: 1st/23 Actual ranking: 3rd/23 in Copenhagen Final impressions on 2001: DR tried to go big with 35,000, but everyone went to drink, and it felt like one hundred. The songs at hand tried hard to be cool, though in some places, we were better off in school. On their own, the strings in our hearts remain broke, though when the trophy did, our minds awoke. Despite the ambitions, the contest would make people leave the room. Thankfully, it was better than that of 2002! :) (On another note, of all the years Italy didn't participate in the contest, 1999 and 2001 were the most irritating. Here, Elisa's Luce (tramonti a nord-est) won Sanremo, and it's a surrealistically beautiful indie song with cool lyrics (especially it was originally written in English, and had to be changed to Italian for the contest). Had they competed, I could see a top-five finish for them, and I could see this as an all-time favorite for me.)

#135: Katerine Duska -- Better Love (Greece 2019)

“Won’t you lean on me You can lean on me Let them look, don’t know, don’t care Go deep with me...” She's not Amy Winehouse, she's Katerine Duska! I had a love/hate relationship with this song during the 2019 season. On the one hand, it’s a really good song, with a lush production and sultry vocals from Katerine Duska. The lyrics, while simple, deals with the theme of love in an interesting way--no matter who you are, you deserve a love that suits you.

On the other hand, considering my grudge towards the 2018 contest, I was worried that this may do well and restart the Greek golden age. That feeling amplified when the rehearsals started, when Katerine and co. had this faerie queene aesthetic. It looked absolutely beautiful, with flowers and fantasy and whimsy. And most important, swords (the MV had sabres whereas the live performance had epees.)!

Of course it qualified, but it collapsed in the final and placed 21st in the end. Some people attributed to how "messy" the staging was, along with Katerine's vocals. In hindsight, I could see it with the former, but the latter remained firm, and she aced that high note.

But it was a good change for Greece, showing that they can do indie music as well as pop and ethno. And Katerine's non-Eurovision songs are fantastic; especially check out Autumn Again and Athenian Skies! Personal ranking: 4th/41 Actual ranking: 21st/26 GF in Tel Aviv

#134: Netta -- Toy (Israel 2018)

“Wonder Woman don’t you ever forget You’re divine and he’s about to regret...”

This has been a total phenomenon ever since its release. However, it’s also quite polarizing, with some people really bopping to this one whether it's on the radio or Tik-tok, and others getting repulsed by the chicken noises or the strong message it provided.

For me, it's Toy's "in-your-face' nature which makes it really special. From the first listen, there's the element of surprise with Netta's looping (the MV intro on Spotify >>> regular studio intro). It then builds until Netta announces herself as a "beautiful creature" and that she wasn't going to be bullied by others. While the songwriters definitely used the "Me Too" movement as a vehicle for the song, it's Netta's influence, along with the Mizrahi instrumentation in the chorus, which packs a punch. Without those chicken noises, Toy would fall flat.

The staging had to be worked on several times, but the final result captured the song's kookiness in every way. From the fake looper to the backing dancer's choreography, the following three minutes is an explosion of fun (though some of the energy died on stage on first viewing).

In short, Netta deserved to win, and those who suggest otherwise is just mean.

Personal ranking: 5th/43 Actual ranking: 1st/26 GF in Lisbon

#133: Mariza Koch -- Panagia Mou, Panagia Mou (Greece 1976)

“Κι αν δείτε ερείπια γκρεμισμένα, όι-όι μάνα μ', Δεν θα 'ναι απ' άλλες, απ' άλλες εποχές, Από ναπάλμ θα 'ναι καμένα, όι-όι μάνα μ'…"

“And if you see shattered ruins, oh oh my Mother, It's not from other, from other eras It is burnt by napalm, oh oh my Mother...”

In their second appearance at the Eurovision Song Contest, Greece sends this politically-charged song to criticize the invasion of Cyprus two years before. The Greek military junta at the time wanted to unite the island with mainland Greece, which led to a coup. As a result, the Turkish government invaded Cyprus, and declared the non-recognized Republic of Northern Cyprus. This status remains to this day, which has hindered Turkey's admission to the European Union.

(Interestingly enough, Turkey broadcast this contest despite not participating, and censored the Greek song to replace it with a patriotic song. Haha)

Dark context aside, it ties into the folk tradition during that time, but adds a Greek touch to it with the bouzouki. Combined with thoughtful yet tragic lyrics, it stands out as a darker yet deeper tone from the 1976 contest. Mariza also conveys this with her clear, yet harsh vocals pinpoint the horrors of what was going on. Also, the orchestration adds to the grandeur of this with its lush strings.

Personal ranking: 3rd/18 Actual ranking: 11th/18 in Den Haag

#132: Chocolate, Menta, Mastik -- Emor Shalom (Israel 1976)

בוא, בוא, בוא עוד היום”, אני עוד כאן אז בוא אמור שלום, אמור שלום

“Come, come, come today, I'm still here so come say hello Say hello..”

From one heavily politically charged song to a slightly less so, haha! Emor Shalom is s very playful and cute song, the three girls charm their potential lover (or diplomatic) with their voices and dance moves.

The hidden political context comes from "shalom"--is it hello, or is it peace? When the song was performed, Israel had been independent for thirty years, but their geopolitical relationships were not good with their neighbors. So the three girls, who sung for the military, were not only hoping for a lover, but also for peace.

The song itself incorporates some elements disco with trumpets, which got me into it in the first place. I'm not entirely sure about how the latter works--they are fine, but it does feel a bit cartoonish. While the lyrics are a bit simple, they still add to it.

Personal ranking: 2nd/18 Actual ranking: 6th/18 in Den Haag

#131: Sonja Lumme -- Eläköön elämä (Finland 1985)

“Kaupungissa on yö, puistoon kanssasi jäin Sä seisot edessäin täynnä toivoa” “It’s night in the city, I stayed in the park with you You’re standing in front me full of hope” Top ten anime opening themes, part two!

From the intro until the end, I love how Eläköön elämä progresses. It not only has a sound which matches with music trends (along with those mullets, but it's the 1980s so we can move on about this...), but also has a joie-de-vivre in terms of the lyrics. I've heard about it being connected to the Cold War; considering it was before glasnost, I'd imagine one of the themes here was to enjoy every moment before the world ends.

Ossi Runne's orchestration mixes the punchy pop-rock with some really good strings and brass. An awesome instrumentation and hopeful lyrics, when put together, you’ve got one of Finland’s best ever entries.

Personal ranking: 1st/19 Actual ranking: 9th/19 in Gothenburg

Final impressions on 1985: While Sweden first hosted in 1975, the production ten years later shows their capabilities in putting on a good show. From the graphics to the stage to Lilli's hosting, it's a totally fun experience. The songs were a bit weaker than it, though there were enough gems to keep the mood buzzing. Plus, there were several good orchestral moments there (especially #193) which made it all the better!

[terramythos]

TerraMythos' 2020 Reading Challenge - Book 24 of 26

Title: A Choir of Lies (2019) (A Conspiracy of Truths #2) 

Author: Alexandra Rowland

Genre/Tags: Fantasy, First-Person, Unreliable Narrators (Plural!), Female Protagonist, LGBT Protagonist

Rating: 9/10

Date Began: 8/24/2020

Date Finished: 9/07/2020

Three years after A Conspiracy of Truths, Ylfing finds himself disillusioned and alone. He’s seen how a story can crumble an entire nation, and is unsure if he wants to continue on his path to being a Chant-- a professional wandering storyteller. 

Taking a job as a merchant’s translator in the canal city of Heyrland, Ylfing’s new employer soon realizes his penchant for storytelling, and he grudgingly agrees to use his gift to sell stars-in-the-marsh, an exotic flower. Ylfing’s stories soon cause a frenzied demand for the flowers, and entire fortunes become tied up in contracts for them. However, an unforeseen disaster looms that could ruin the lives of thousands, and Ylfing must decide whether he can rise up to fix his mistakes, or let the city destroy itself. 

I can’t save everyone completely. But maybe I can mostly save a couple people, or save most people a tiny bit. It’s one little thing, and that’s better than nothing. That’s always better than nothing. 

Minor spoilers under the cut.

Full disclosure: I had a hard time getting into A Choir of Lies. Reading the first section of the book was an exercise in patience. Basically, the book has two protagonists. One's Ylfing, a fan favorite from A Conspiracy of Truths. Ylfing seems much different than his last appearance; it's obvious something major and/or traumatic happened between books. He's depressed, disillusioned, and directionless, questioning his life and decision to become a Chant, a wandering storyteller. He's a far cry from the optimistic, happy-to-a-fault character from the previous volume. The book itself is sort of a journal of his daily experiences living in a canal city called Heyrland (think fantasy!Copenhagen). On the other hand, we also have a new character named Mistress Chant, who has somehow obtained this journal, and provides ongoing footnote commentary about Ylfing and the events he describes. It's almost identical to what Shriek: An Afterword does, and like before I think it's an interesting tool to portray different, often opposed perspectives. It becomes obvious that Mistress Chant doesn't like Ylfing much, and her comments on his early depression and struggles are brutal. While she has a point, she often comes off as harsh and antagonistic. So... there's one character in a depressive funk that, while relatable, is not very fun to read about, and the other is a sarcastic and angry character criticizing everything he does. I found it difficult to really connect with the leads or the story because of this. At first. Boy am I glad I stuck with this one.  Despite my early struggles, this book is one of those rare gems that not only gets better over time, but completely redeems and justifies early "flaws".  While there's multiple reasons for this, the simplest and most notable is catharsis. (Holy hell is this book cathartic to read). A Choir of Lies is at its core a very optimistic book. One of the central theses is that even the most irredeemable person can do "one little thing" to improve or change the world. It's great to see the characters bite the bullet, overcome their issues, and improve as people. It's not all sunshine and rainbows, more "you have to put in the work to do the right thing and become a better person, even if it's an ugly and difficult process." Of course the first section of the book is tough -- it’s meant to be! The contrast is beautiful as you progress further in the novel.  Ylfing makes a terrible mistake in the book that potentially ruins thousands of people’s lives, and he's so caught up in his depression that he cannot or will not take responsibility. Yet after a revelation or two, he realizes he HAS to do something about it, and fights tooth and nail to do so. It's such a departure from A Conspiracy of Truths, in which the main character is caught in an unfortunate situation and does everything he can to save himself, everyone else be damned. It's interesting to see the previous book through a different lens, one which portrays the protagonist as an incredibly selfish character rather than someone struggling to survive a bad situation. Chant doesn't appear in this book, but basically everything about him is cast in a much different light. For me Mistress Chant was difficult to like at first, but she mellows out and entertains alternate points of view as the story progresses. It's satisfying to see her admit that Ylfing is right about some things, and how happy she is when he finally asserts himself and does the right thing. You can see why she and Ylfing don't like each other, but by the end it's bittersweet because you can also see how they could have been friends under other circumstances. I loved the general ideas on storytelling, like the importance of creating a "good" story even if it's not the true one, and how such a process can help one heal and cope. Or even the power of writing a story down versus purely oral tradition, and the strengths and weaknesses of each approach. That kind of stuff. Like the previous book, there's an emphasis on the literal Power of Storytelling and its ability to change fortunes and futures, but with a more grudgingly optimistic take. 

It also helps that I read A Choir of Lies at a time when I really needed it. I'm in a similar position to Ylfing right now. I really don't know what to do with my life, and I'm pretty depressed with the state of the world. While it's challenging to see my situation and coping methods as selfish, I think that's an honest assessment and it really made me think about where I am and what I'm doing. On the other hand, there are so many looming disasters right now in the real world that mirror the conflict in this story. Every day I see people do the wrong thing, the selfish and inhumane thing, and it's mentally taxing and demoralizing. Reading a story in which people initially suck, then do what they can to help others and address their mistakes, is inspirational. It's a reminder that people as a whole can still do good despite (and sometimes even because of) their selfishness. It makes me more optimistic about the future. Overall I liked A Choir of Lies much more than A Conspiracy of Truths. It is a standalone sequel that can be read without the previous volume, as most of the context from that book is well explained. While this isn't an action packed fantasy novel, the characters feel much more involved in the central conflict, which was my main issue with the last book. I liked the more cerebral ideas of storytelling, potential, and the ability to do the right thing as told through a fantasy lens. According to the author notes this was a tough one to write, but I think they did an excellent job and really improved on the general idea and concepts of the previous book.  

[majjiktricks]

a little bit of a rant on ph/ntomqu/ll ?? mostly just me trying to get my thoughts out in a way that might make sense 😅 if you read this, props to you. feel free to start a discussion if you want.

so, my thoughts about ph/ntomqu/ll are so ambivalent ??? i dont really know how to explain it ??? theres like. 3 different versions of the phantom in my brain. ones incredibly cruel and manipulative, the next is professional and very unattached, and the third is sort of like the “human after all” trope. each one’s got their pros and cons. no matter what way you look at it, the pairing is pretty fucked up, but its interesting to think about.

for 1) i dont think its bad to explore fucked up relationship dynamics in fiction, especially as like, a method for catharsis ?? (this absolutely excludes any kind of incest/adjacent ships. thats not catharsis, thats creepy.) and i like to see people’s takes on how the phantom would behave in relation to simon. obviously theres secrets involved here, lying, manipulation, sadistic behavior. for people who enjoy reading angst and such, i bet this is the kind of “past-ph/ntomqu/ll” that they usually think about ?? putting simon through a bunch of shit for the hurt factor. maybe to set up for comfort later, but a lot of the time this version just hurts. character studies/monologues where the character has been through a lot of traumatic events can be interesting to read, especially breakdowns and coping mechanisms, but as much as i find it fascinating, i dont think i like it in the greater scheme of things,,,

2) is the version i think i like the most in the context of my “everyone lives” au. where its less so ph/ntomqu/ll and more simon pining after bobby, and the phantom keeps him at arms’ length. i think this one is the closest to what would have happened had it really been bobby. (the phantom is determined to mimic his targets as closely as possible, right? so they would have tried to do things as bobby would have.) bobby, while sure hes naive and easily trusting, hes still pretty good at his job and hes a professional (for the most part). i dont think he would have allowed any fraternization with a prisoner (even if he did believe simon was redeemable or even innocent, or even if they had previously been in a relationship). this makes the phantom’s job a bit easier, as they wouldnt have to fake a certain kind of attachment, and simon would likely think of it as bobby just doing his job and not taking anything further than that. i enjoy the pining aspect on simon's part here. only now, its not the same bobby he worked with when he was a free man. but bobby's going to do his job the best he can. he wouldnt risk himself or me by getting back into a relationship. so simon assumes the behavior is normal and goes from there. this one definitely hurts a lot less, because then simon is put through less shit. i guess it could take away from an angst writers' ammunition, but. shrug.

and 3) i think is inspired by the comic by modmad i reblogged a few days ago. where the phantom begins to legitmately care for simon. i enjoy the idea of a civil relationship between the two of them, working together in order to take down whatever organization the phantom worked for (and its clients). it would be a study in trust between enemies with a common enemy. i dont think simon would ever be able to forgive the phantom for the things they did, but i can see him putting aside personal grudges for the sake of the greater good. not sure how i feel about the "being in a relationship while one of us is in prison and the other is his handler" part even with this version of the phantom. sure, maybe they begin to care for simon while they are disguised as bobby, the power dynamics are wack. maybe. i dont know. its made a little better by the fact that the phantom doesnt want to hurt simon any more than they already have, but. theres a reason for the saying "the road to hell is paved with good intentions." putting this one in the context of the "everyone lives" au would be pretty wild though. it could make for some interesting story beats and interactions between the phantom, simon, and the real, living bobby fulbright.

this isnt me like, hating on the ship or anything. i personally enjoy it as like, a background piece to simon’s story ?? if that makes sense ?? i think it happened in the canon timeline one way or another, im just not sure which version of it i like the most.

anyway yeah if you read this whole thing, i appreciate you ❤️ im not even sure where i was trying to go with this, i just wanted to put my thoughts down and see if anyone has anything to say about them.

[onestowatch]

Jeremy Zucker on the Pre-Apocalyptic Beauty of ‘love is not dying’ [Q&A]

Photos: Meredith Truax

Listening to Jeremy Zucker often feels like grasping onto a fleeting moment in time. Nowhere does this sentiment ring more true than on the New Jersey artist’s highly-anticipated debut album, love is not dying. The 13-track offering is the culmination of the past few years, which have seen him emerge from the suburban town of Franklin Lakes to stand as one of pop’s most promising artists.

With sold-out tours across the world and over two billion cumulative streams to date, it may come as an initial surprise how deeply intimate love is not dying feels. From its very opening moment – “still,” a cinematic and swelling intro that is sonic personification of watching a Super 8 film – Zucker establishes his debut as one near and dear to his heart. Blending sampled audio clips of the world and people around him with dynamic production that runs the gamut from meticulously-crafted minimalistic soundscapes to euphoric bouts of catharsis, disparate collages of sounds and memories flood in and out of focus at a moment’s notice.

In love is not dying, Zucker makes good on his promise as a new generation’s burgeoning soft-spoken pop star. We had the pleasure of catching up with Zucker via email to talk about his long-awaited debut album, leaving suburbia for New York City, and what one moment of his life he would relive. 

What do you miss / not miss most about Franklin Lakes?

I miss suburbia. My parents have since sold our house there, so I miss having that escape so close to the city. At the same time, I feel so fortunate to be living and working in the greatest city in the world :)  

It would be no understatement to say you’ve had your fair share of success without having yet to put out an album. What is it about this collection of songs that made you want to deliver them as your debut album?

As soon as I started the process of working on the album, I knew it was going to be a long one. The first songs I wrote were "always, i'll care" and "julia." Those are two of my favorite songs I have ever written, so I set my standards for the album pretty high from the jump. They're also such different songs. I just knew that I wanted a full-length project filled of music that really expressed all of the different ways that I think and feel, and I knew that I would have to "fill in the gap" between those songs, so to speak. I ended up doing that; it was a long, emotional experience – punctuated by headline tours around the world – taking place over the past year and a half.  

Can you talk about the “love” present on your love is not dying?

The "love" part is pretty self-explanatory. The part that may need explaining is the "not dying" part... but if you really listen the album, it'll all make sense.  

Is it largely autobiographical?

100%. I approach music the same way I approach therapy, lol.  

What do you hope people take away from love is not dying?

I really just hope that people feel the same things that I felt while writing it. I know that if they understand and can relate to those emotions and stories, they'll be comforted and inspired the same way I was (and still am).

You have a wonderful gift for blending minimalistic soundscapes with unexpected flourishes of production and instrumentation. From a sonic point of view, how do you go about crafting a song?

Well thank you, haha. Not everyone has an ear for production, so it makes me really excited when people notice those things. You may have described it better than I could have... soundscape is definitely the right word. I try to layer together sounds that all have a common theme and elicit a very specific feeling. Whether it's synthwork or sample-based, those first couple layers usually inspire the whole song. Once I have a skeleton, I fill in the spaces with ear candy that fits the mood of the song. I usually overdo it and end up stripping a lot of those really cool elements that I've created away because they don't feel 100% right.  

How would you describe the feeling of your debut album without using any genre terms?

To me it feels like the sky is falling, like the weight of the world about to crash down around me, but it hasn't yet. Almost pre-apocalyptic. It's like looking into the sky and watching a life-ending meteor rush towards you. The thought is horrifying, but in imagining it, that moment also holds a lot of beauty.  

How have you been staying safe and sane in quarantine?

Quarantine has been tough for sure... but honestly looking forward to my album as been the main thing really getting me through. Having things to look forward to is important. My roommate is getting a dog next week. We're really looking forward to that.  

If you could relive one moment of your life again, what would it be?

That's a serious one. The first one the came to mind was my show in Tokyo this past fall. Some of my best friends in the world were there, and I had sort of low expectations going into the show. I kept hearing from artist friends that crowds in Tokyo were generally less hyped for concerts and a little stiff / hard to connect with. It turned out being one of the greatest shows I've ever done, there was so much love and energy in the room, it makes me want to cry just thinking about it. I can't wait to go back.  

Who are your Ones To Watch?

Henry Jamison, Andy Polk, brakence, Porches, to name a few!    

Listen to love is not dying below: 

[popwasabi]

How some stoners named “Harold & Kumar” made Asian Americans proud

Being Asian American can make you feel invisible at times or worst, the butt of every bad joke.

Sure, lots of Americans love Asian things like sushi, kung fu, anime, and tacky calligraphy tattoos that don’t mean what they say they mean but they don’t particularly care about having the people themselves present or even represented.

And typically when we are represented it tends to look like this.

Or this.

Or this.

(I said what I SAID!)

Now Asian Americans are not by any stretch the most marginalized or even the least represented people in the larger American cultural diaspora, but they’re fairly consistently forgotten or grossly stereotyped in our media regardless and this has larger consequences. Representation is important because it makes a people’s presence known to the larger majority.

Our pop culture has unfortunately played a role in erasing, appropriating, and misrepresenting Asian folk. An action movie may feature a white actor with extreme martial arts skills fighting in Hong Kong but might not have a single prominent Asian voice throughout the plot and those that do are typically gross caricatures. The Cyberpunk genre loves Asian aesthetics from its Tokyo inspired neon lighting, futurist cityscape, and ramen carts abound but boy, is the populace typically dominantly white.

(I love this movie but considering how many Asian things and aesthetic choices there are in it would it have killed Denis Villeneuve to have at least ONE background Asian person??)

It’s not shocking then that 2004’s stoner comedy classic “Harold & Kumar” starts with a pair of white dudes beginning their own adventure by leaving one of the titular heroes in the dust to do their dirty work because “Asians love math” or something. Despite not being a stoner, at the time at least, I related hard to this movie and its characters as the film touched on a number of triggers I had growing up.

2004 was a formative year for me as an Asian American. For the first time ever, my history classes were touching on Asian culture with discussions on Japanese feudalism which awakened a deep sense of pride I didn’t know I had at the time. I was watching NHK samurai dramas about Miyamoto Musashi and later the Shinsengumi which led to me begin training in kendo. Anime had suddenly become more mainstream with the premiere of Shonen Jump and pirated subtitled anime littering all of YouTube. But more importantly, and distressingly, I became more aware of my identity because it was increasingly getting called out as I was getting older.

I’ve been labeled a number of different pejoratives growing up through my teens.

“Nerd.”

“Weirdo.”

“Loser”

But none cut deeper than “Chinese boy.”

I’m not Chinese, of course, in fact I’m half white and half Japanese but try telling the various ignorant lunkheads I knew growing up to respect and differentiate between them all. Hell, better yet tell them I’m just as American as they are too.

Being labeled “Chinese” hit a very personal chord with me. To lots of Americans, unfortunately, we’re all “Chinese” and the various qualities that make each of our cultures unique are inconsequential to them. We AAPI’s all individually take a measure of pride in those unique qualities and to have it all sequestered under a blanket “Chinese” label was beyond insulting.

(And I don’t care what you tell me or how much you hate China’s government, this is a THOUSAND percent a dog whistle.)

For Asian Americans, there have been various ways one reacts to these insults. Some of course, who learned confidence at a younger age, would shrug it off or ignore it, some would outright resent it but for me at least it only made me dig my heels in deeper. Yeah, I’m Asian, so fuck you!

That energy is deep “Harold & Kumar Go To White Castle” as these two Asian American characters not only navigate a crazy night of searching for an open White Castle to satisfy their stoner cravings but also confront various microaggressions from outside and within the Asian community.

Harold, of course, struggles with his confidence. He can’t stand up for himself when the aforementioned two white bros from the start of the film saddle him with extra work. He laments doing the typical Asian thing of being too passive when confronted by authority. He can’t find the will to ask the girl next door out because again he sees himself as an impotent Asian guy unwilling to make the first move. The whole movie he struggles with his inner feelings because he’s been taught and programmed to a certain extent to be timid because that’s the Asian identity.

Meanwhile, Kumar’s character is about resisting conformity to those same stereotypes but in the worst ways. He co-opts black and hip-hop culture as seen in his messy apartment room. He fights his dad who is forcing him to take his doctor's exam, something he doesn’t want. Generational pressure is common in all cultures but it’s an entirely different animal when it comes to the Asian upbringing. Kumar embodies this resist from beginning to the end of the film and though he does decide to take the test, it’s important that he chooses to do it, not his dad, and certainly not because he’s Indian. He decides that choosing to be a great doctor doesn’t mean he is becoming a stereotype because his identity is not just about being Asian.

(Every Asian kid has heard their parent make an unintentional innuendo.)

Harold and Kumar’s differing approaches create a charming pair for the film to bounce off as Kumar’s brashness often lands them in trouble and Harold’s timid demure keeps them down in its own way and the two finally come together when Kumar learns to understand the difference between conformity and choice and Harold learns conformity doesn’t define him.

Both characters confront all kinds of microaggressions against their identity throughout the film. Cops making fun of their names. The extreme sports bros making every racist joke every Asian kid has every heard growing up at them. All Asian Americans have grown up wanting to deliver the perfect comeback or “fuck you” moment against these types of people and when our heroes triumph and put them all in their place there is undeniable catharsis as it happens for everyone who has seen this movie.

(Seriously, there isn’t a more satisfying good triumphing over evil moment in film for me than the conclusion of this particular plot.)

The movie confronts stereotypes in more ways than one though. Throughout the movie Harold and Kumar are confronted by a situation that makes them think it’ll go one direction but ends up (usually comedically) the opposite. Harold and Kumar try to hook up with two beautiful transfer students who turn out to have horrible bowel issues. Harold is reluctant to go to the Asian American club party because even he believes in his own ethnic stereotypes of them but it turns out it’s a banger of a party with plenty of weed to boot. Harold and Kumar are picked up by a lonesome, disfigured tow truck driver and are shocked to find he’s married to a beautiful woman. And the aforementioned extreme sports bros turn out to love cheesy pop music and romantic songs.

Basically, the whole movie is about giving a big middle finger to all our preconceived notions we have about identity and it's brilliant.

(Nothing wrong with cheesy pop music, of course.)

“Harold & Kumar” is great for other reasons too. John Cho and Kal Penn still play greatly off each other. There’s plenty of great one-liners sprinkled between each scene. The entire journey to find White Castle burgers in the middle of the night is a fairly genius premise for a stoner comedy still. And Neil Patrick Harris playing “himself” is still iconic.

Parts of the movie haven’t aged, well of course. There’s some bad gross-out humor, some lazy gay panic jokes and not to mention some sexist quips that don’t land well in 2020. Also, let’s just not talk about the sequels.

(I still find this scene amusing though.)

That said, “Harold & Kumar’s” first film in this munchie saga is not only a grade-A stoner flick but simply one of the best films ever when it comes to bringing that much needed representation of the time to Asian Americans. Watching Harold & Kumar stick it to their annoying white antagonists while delivering a “fuck you” to every racist joke I ever heard growing up is still cathartic as hell and made me feel proud to be Asian American during a turbulent time for myself growing up.

Though it’s not Masterpiece Theater by any stretch, Harold & Kumar will always hold a special place in my heart and remains forever “high” on my list of favorite movies of all-time.

Happy 4/20, y’all!

[the-little-prophet]

BDRP Questionnaire 2019

Posting this on Charlie since I actually talked about him quite a bit! Let’s gooooo

Characters: Berlioz, Hades, Kiara, Nala, Andrina, Merida, Charlie, Apollo, John, Su, Ashleigh, Nemo, Jun

Pick one of your characters and talk about their growth (we recommend choosing an older character, but it’s up to you!) What about their story has surprised you? What are you proud of? How have they changed from their original inception to now?

This one goes out to Charlie. I pitched Charlie very deceptively-- claiming he was a prophet, aligning him, at first, with Calliope, making it look like Charlie’s magic was of the classical, Cassandra-inspired kind. But all along, I knew that what I wanted Charlie to be was more of this sci-fi/fantasy blend as an homage to his movie’s sci-fi bend too. This year, I got to actually reveal that Charlie is a time traveler after two years!! This is very exciting for me! I’ve enjoyed being able to lean into Charlie’s new image systems with this reveal, even though I’m out of my depth and breaking like 67 different time travel rules, probably lol. Still, it’s been great to take him to that place, and to invent Future-Charlie as both a deux ex machina and an expression of identity/choice/free will etc etc. I did not have Future-Charlie in mind when I created Charlie, so that was something I was proud of coming up with!

Pick another character and talk a little about where you WANT them to go. What are your plans for them going into the new year?

I’m going to talk about Nemo if only because everyone else feels like a spoiler lol. Nemo, as a relatively new character though, is still full-speed-ahead on his initial goals that I outlined for him in his application. Now that Nemo’s been established in the school and he has this little group of buddies, I want:

To focus on his wing. I want Nemo to push himself, get himself in a spot of trouble, potentially injure himself.

Reveal his wings to at least one mundus friend

Continuing to infuse his posts with body image issues. This is a slow build kind of plot that really is like...the broth of Nemo’s plot-soup, lol, while training for his placement is the chicken and belonging at school is the noodles….it needs to be this throughline more than like, para a, para b, para c. at least for now.

Pick a thread or a plot that you’re proud of and talk about why you loved it.

I could pick a lot of threads here lol it’s honestly so HARD. But I think I want to shout-out to the Charlie/Jim first kiss thread because it surprised even me and Hannah. We initially planned for the first kiss to be just that-- one kiss, then we done, Jim and Charlie go on to be friends. But like in the best of cases, Jim and Charlie’s palpable chemistry actually informed more of Charlie’s arc and opened up avenues previously closed to me/Charlie since Charlie had been so SHUT to the idea of love. So! I really loved that thread. Also because like, I literally made Charlie experience the big bang after his first kiss. And THAT’S the BEST way to use magic in my opinion. Like when you can infuse magic with an emotional catharsis-- I think the other time I did that super well was similar actually, when Herc kissed Kiki’s cheek and she grew a tree in his room lol. So yeah! Some of my best writing in that thread, amazing chemistry, big surprises. It was an absolute pleasure.

In terms of your own writing, identify 1-3 strengths and talk about why you think it’s one of your strengths.

-Image systems. I dragged myself for this, but I think it’s something that really helps me find a character’s voice and make myself excited to RP them! Also, I think it’s what people like about my writing sometimes. Maybe. IDK, lol. -Complex Emotion: I’m stealing this from my mentor who said I’m good at creating complex emotion and so you know its true. My most introverted characters get the bulk of this naturally--they are introspective and feely and give themselves the space to think and feel. But I really want to try to inject more into my extroverted characters. I think I’m doing well for Nemo, who had undiagnosed anxiety and so that informs a lot of his personality in very interesting-- very OPPOSITE-- ways as Berlioz; Nemo struggles with being alone because ‘alone’ means he gets too in his head. That’s been really fun for me and why he’s quickly become one of my fave voices to write (I know, u all thought it was because I am in love with Jimin (true), but no its bc Nemo is an anxious, big feeling baby and he’s always so Alive to me, plus i was made to write a fairy it was always my destiny.)

In terms of your own writing, identify 1-3 areas of improvement.

-Dialogue: PERSONALLY I feel like I’m not great at dialogue. Some posts are better than others and I think I’m good at like…..texting dialogue? IDK. I feel like I struggle in paras though to craft good dialogue. It’s just, rn, average dialogue. Of course not every post needs to have hilarious, punchy, great dialogue. But do my characters sound different? Am I doing all I can to create rhythm and speech patterns? -Filtering: Im being very picky rn, because actually I don’t do this too much, but I do it enough where I’m like, I gotta go read some really stellar writers adn ban myself from using “Feel” and “think” for like a whole month. What I’m talkinga bout is like: Ber realized/ Ber thought / Ber knew. That kind of writing is totally fine, but that’s about it. I need to come up with more creative ways to talk about feelings and abstract concepts!!!

-Character: I know everyone is probably like………….how dare lauryl put this here. But listen. I don’t think I struggle with character on RP. But outside of RP? Oh boy! The THING about RP is you MUST create a character, that’s your vessel for writing here, and so you do all that development plus u got the four years of worldbuilding informing that character, and literally EVERYTHING CHARACTER DRIVEN ITS...THERE IS NO OTHER WAY.  Outside of RP though I think I have struggled because my natural affinity is worldbuilding and shit like that. I’m type 5 baby, I am attracted to characters who let me poke at things I don’t know anything about, like even Jun, part of it really is like, petitions and grocery store management lmfadsofij. SOOOo idk I just need to be able to focus on crafting characters that are compelling vessels for the cool shit I like to do outside of RP.

Pick one of your plots, or even just a character, and come up with a list of 3-5 “mentor texts” where you can look for inspiration or research, then write a short (2-4 sentences) why you picked those texts. JOHN DARLING BREAKS INTO FAERYLAND 1. Call Down the Hawk/Raven Cycle: It’s no coincidence that my reread of Raven Cycle last winter played a pretty big part in inspiring this new version of John. The descriptions of the magical forest Cabeswater and the hunt for Glendower have the same kind of contemporary fantasy vibe that I really like for John. And of course, Ronan’s dream magic is very much intertwined with the faery realm feeling like a dream (and Ashleigh, obviously, as a dark faery who can manipulate them). More than that though, the attention paid to the psyches of each character and how they drive the plot forward is just… /chefs kiss. 2. The Mabinogian: I want to draw from these classic Welsh/British stories and incorporate them in creative ways! Or just as, like, motifs are something. :) I have tried to do this but would like to be a lot more intentional, instead of just being like lmao let me look up some random shit for this one reply~ 3. The Hazel Wood: This book deals with characters coming into the real world from a book world! This kind of goes along with the Mabinogian as I kind of ish want to do something similar, only treating the Mabinogian as a historical, cultural text as opposed to a fiction. This book also focuses a lot on fairy tale tropes (like numbers) which I really want to incorporate in John’s stuff. I want to ideally write some of my own fairy tales-- I have one in mind actually through Ashleigh but it’s related to John too since he’d the scholar of said stories.  

And now, a wishlist!

-Exploring Nemo’s disability. This is slightly challenging for me since we don’t have many fairies, but I’m brainstorming some ideas and hope to really kick it off in January, leading up to his Talent Placement Test.   -I really want to have a lot of town-centric plots for Jun. Would love to rp with the police officers! I want to have Jun try to get some ppl arrested tbh ahah, like, Fflew for loitering, or maybe reporting Mitte. I would love some arch nemeses tbh-- Mitte does seem like a good one. AND I want to submit at least three petitions next semester!! Maybe i should make that two!! Still!! -Do some Bonfamille plots. I already have something I’m really excited about and have already planned here so this is a teaser… -Keep writing essays. The fairies have been great, getting me really inspired to do these.What’s been an amazing mental exercise, and why I cannot stop writing these, is thinking about how the political philosophy of Pixie Hollow informs how it functions: technically, socioculturally etc. It’s really fun for me to basically build a communist thought project and then enact it for real. I feel like I’m learning a lot about...well, societies, lol, and how the material factors endlessly bleed into, and shape, ideas and beliefs (and vice versa). Also, I literally have to do these because when Nemo is IN the Hollow and I want to write him getting a glass of water, I’m faced with a lot of technical questions: do fairies have running water? Does he have to get it from a stream? How do they keep things cool? Etc etc. And that’s why I go off on these, and I’m excited to keep doing them, as many as I can, with feedback from my fellow fairies. Also, do want to do ones that are NOT fairy related, so we’ll see about that. -Write John backstory. He’s gone on a few other adventures and I’d like to actually one-shot those maybe lol. -Alternate Charlie Timeline: This is something that’s bopping around in my head and I haven’t found the perfect way to make it happen, but I want Charlie to travel to an alternate version of his life and get stuck. When I figure out the right way to do this, my partners will also get to rp alternate versions of their characters lol. That’s fun right!! Of course it is, we do it all the time with AUs, but this one obvi be more personal and more closely tied to canon.

OPTIONAL: Why do you RP? First and foremost, I RP because it’s writing for the sake of writing-- joy for joy. I think this is even more important this year as I’ve had to focus on mentorship writing outside of RP. RP became the place where I didn’t have to think so hard about making everything make sense, lol. It gave my brain a break so I could be less judgmental of myself and just have fun and do the most ridiculous stuff...and some of my fave stuff iS ridiculous because of that...like Nemo and Sindri making flower crowns or the ASC nonsense. It’s this kind of light, fluffy, low-stake (but still High Stake) stuff that provided me endless joy when I needed it the most. Second of all, I RP because I really want to invest in people’s creative energy. I think doing so gives back to myself. Building canon, helping people brainstorm, seeing people grow-- I feel like a proud mom when I get to have this kind of mentorship role myself. I talked to MK about this, but even though Sam left to go off and do greater things, that’s like-- to me, it was a lot like he was graduating from this weird BDRP school I’ve helped create. I felt nothing but pride and happiness for him and really felt like, if BDRP was to explode tomorrow, I ACHIEVED the thing I set out to do when, four years ago, I sat on my computer and drafted BDRP’s mission and vision and committed myself to this admin role. And THAT’S what I want ideally-- for BDRP to be this collaborative place that doesn’t focus too much on what makes sense, on sitewide plots that force people into roles. I have always wanted plots like ASC and John’s search for Excalibur to be able to exist side by side, and I think we’ve done that. Now we just have to tend this garden, don’t we, haha? May BDRP bear many delicious fruit.

[aikainkauna]

Fic mehm

This was shortish, so might as well post it here. Snurched from the lovely @trelobita .

-What is your total word count on AO3?

-1 421 808. That little?!? I thought I would've gone past the 2 million mark a long time ago. What with Connie whipping me on the way he does.

-How often do you write?

-When the right mood/inspiration comes, and when I'm healthy enough (both mentally and physically) to be in writing condition. Which is not often enough; I hate it when I do want to write, but brain fog and/or physical fatigue mean I can't keep my brain going or my body upright. That's mostly for fiction, though. I can type bloggity waffle like this, and could just about proofread a sex toy review today despite it being a brainfog/tireded day. The deadline for the review was today, so I did it under duress and must've left something out or fucked up some grammar as consequence. Finnish conjugations are hell when your memory is shot to pieces; English is much easier to write because you don't have to remember how to conjugate a word to denote it's in the past tense for a plural with a conditional towards place A, signifying inclusion. No, I'm not joking. Sauvallanikinkos? ("Also with my wand, too, maybe?")

-Do you have a routine for writing?

-My body isn't good with routines and schedules, so no. The only pattern I have is to try and get 1000 words done at least and then to email myself the latest draft after I've finished writing.

-What are your favourite tropes?

-Have you got a month? (This question foolishly asked about your favourite kinks and tropes and pairing types all in the same question, BTW, so I split it up into three questions, because... c'mon.)

Tropes:

-Flawed characters who are still somehow understandable and appealing; not the typical Asshole Protagonist or antihero thing so much but more of an... well, I guess it's just good characterisation I prefer, in the end. Not that kind of squickily obvious macho power fantasy sold as "grittiness" just for the sake of being an asshole (funnily enough, that kind of crap usually comes from the kinds of people who have too much privilege in the first place). So, yeah, good characterisation that's still got some shreds of humanity left is my jam.

-Telepathic lovers. Exactly because it hurts so much when the person who's supposed to love you the most and to understand you the best doesn't, and vice versa. So that's a big RL trauma and squick I prefer to fix, because in fic, I CAN.

-That's a major one, actually. Fix-its not so much on a plot level but on a human level. Especially sexism/gender bullshit-breaking fixes. Fix-its get a bad rap, but that kind of thing, just like the bashing of romance and fanfic, sets off my "ah, this wouldn't be the devaluing of something considered empathic and female/feminine again, now would it?" alarms.

-This overlaps with the pairing thingy, but the Depraved Bisexual is my favourite character type to write. All the Connies, Tennant!Peter Vincent, Captain Renault, Zainab, Laura, etc... YES.

-Male character gives up some masculine privilege he doesn't fancy anyway for the sake of love and empathy/female character gives up stereotypical female things she doesn't fancy anyway in order to be herself and free herself as much as she can from society's chains. Give Torsten all the pwetty dwezzez he wants and for Falcon!Yassamin to remain childfree, dammit!

-Man cuddles and medicates woman during her period and actually empathises/feels how awful it is. As I was saying about the fix-its...

-Funny banter, even if I can't write it as hilariously as I'd want to.

Favourite kinks?

-Poetic prose and Romanticism. It's word porn or nothing, baby.

-Historical detail, accuracy preferred but depends on how the story wants to go (the Barmakids DON'T get butchered horribly by Harun al-Rashid in 803, TYVM).

-Anal! That's almost too obvious to mention.

-Androgynous, genderbending, sex-bending, femme men. Why do you think Connie is the love of my life?

-Lots of arousal-drippage.

-Some way for the bottom to see themselves being banged. Mirrors or telepathy or magic or video camera projecting it before their eyes or whatever. Unfff.

-Orgasms. Always orgasms to complete satisfaction. Orgasm denying or writing it badly or so vaguely that characters/readers can't get any catharsis/release for the arousal is a huge squick. That's a hard limit. Fuck characters who tease and don't let someone get off.

-Psychological/emotional depth. That's such a no-brainer it shouldn't even be necessary to mention (although in these days, it seems to be, because apparently wanting that is now a repressed sexual minority instead of normal human, especially female, sexuality. Oh, fuck off). Yeah, these memes do bring out the pet peeves about internalised misogyny, don't they? Especially the sort that manifests itself in sputter-inducing ignorance. Even my medieval characters and their somewhat dated and essentialist ideas of sex and gender are ahead of Tumblr in the very basics, FFS.

-BDSM that's based very much on extreme care and healing, the sort that uses the intense sexual activities/sensory overload as a kind of way to heal the sub's anxieties and to help the sub let go, achieve catharsis and release. And for the top's love to be the guiding, ravishing, then healing and comforting force that contains the sub and the sub's anxieties in a fiercely loving and protective way and absolutely, so that not a drop spills over. So, yep, BDSM as therapy is my kink in both RL and in fic. Not so much a desire to humiliate or to be humiliated, but on the contrary, to value and to honour the other half. The top finds strength and validation through being the healer, through their power being able to do something good (instead of tearing someone down and having power over them through that). Yes, I know that's not everyone's idea of BDSM, but it's mine and that's what you'll get if it's a healthy relationship I'm trying to portray. (The Barrings and Zainab and Fadl don't have the healthiest ideas of sex, anyhow; Jaffar/Pwinzezz usually do.)

And I'm leaving out so many. You only have to look at my Ao3 pages to see the recurring themes:p

Favourite pairing types?

-Experienced Depraved Bisexual Character/Less Experienced and/or Repressed Character, GIMMIE. Fucking love that shit.

-Similar: Older, More Experienced Man/Younger, Horny Woman.

-Horny couple, usually M/F, seduce someone into a threesome. The Rosesverse and Devilry are full of this, so might as well admit it.

-Do you have a favourite fic of yours?

-I do have a soft spot for the first two fics in the Falconverse. As if you didn't all know that already! They do have some noticeable flaws here and there, especially the first one (I still insist that weird lube choice was HIS and not mine; I do know better and yelled at him at the time), but they still contain my deepest and most profound writing both erotically (and I mean that in the widest sense of the word, encompassing all things Love) and spiritually and character-wise. Defy Not The Stars also turned out better than I expected, considering I had never attempted so much plot and a traditional historical romance novel before. But I guess that Roses, what with its length, has allowed me to explore more aspects of the characters and their lives than anything else I've written. And of course, considering Devilry is my most-read saga ever, I do have a soft spot for that pile-up of a car crash. If only for the sheer intensity of the ride; I was just thinking yesterday how it really was aghori sadhana done through writing. Meditating in a graveyard is for wimps; try spending months in Torsten Barring's fragrant boypussy.

-Your fic with the most kudos?

To no one's surprise, Because The World Belongs To The Devil, at 234 kudos.

-Anything you don’t like about your writing?

-I suck at pacing sometimes. The sex scenes tend to run overlong if I write them in several sessions instead of just one go. It's not that the characters want to try different sex acts and shag more than once during a night, but more that the tension is spread out unevenly ("JFC, why did they change position again? I want them to just fucking come already, damnit!") This is obviously a result of how many things *I* see in my mind's eye during a wank; it's always more of a clipshow of different sex acts and pairings and orientations than one straightforward scenario. I'll be more mindful of that in the future and have been watching out for it in the past few fics already; I don't think the shags in The Guardians of Samarkand overran, for example.

-And sometimes my kinks get too obvious and repetitive for me, too, the way any porn gets tedious and repetitive. But on the other hand, I know very well that fanfic *is* about us imposing our kinks on our darlings, no matter how much we may go on about our dedication to characterisation and such. I've said it before, and I'll say it again: what's key is to get away with your kinks *but* in such a way that they can also engage the reader and that they become interesting and enjoyable not just for you, but for the readers, too. And you need good characterisation for that, and it's a really delicate balance to juggle your kinks and believable characterisation.

-Something you *do* like about your writing?

-I can write immersively and deeply and engage all the senses (sight, touch, scent...) in rich detail, as well as go deeply and profoundly into the emotions. And write some fucking hot porn ;) Those are the things I've had praise for, at least. Maybe my spiritual bits aren't as relatable or something, because people hardly ever remark on those (interestingly, my mum is the only one to have taken up those bits! But I skim over the sex scenes when I read the fics to her, so she only gets the gen). Or then it's the fact that most of the time it's Thief of Bagdad fic, and thus in an Islamic context, and most readers aren't familiar enough with, say, Sufism, to feel like they're qualified to comment without making arses out of themselves. But of course I like my spiritual bits; I'm an ex-religions major!

This had a taggity thing at the end, but I hate doing those because it always puts pressure on them even if you say they don't have to (come, now. The pressure is there, the moment you mention someone by name). I don't own the meme or you, so, as always: do what thou wilt.

[portfolioshowcase]

Interview, Ibai Acevedo - Experiencing Different Realms

Ibai! Are you looking for a utopia?

It could be possible, yes. In other words, in my pictures, I realize that I'm constantly trying to create parallel worlds where the atmosphere and the feeling are the keys. The middle point between reality and fantasy using light and colors as vehicles to reach those scenarios.

A number of your recent images revolve around the dimension of dreams. Do you remember the moment when these dreams became a medium for you to express artistically?

I use my fascination for dreams to inspire myself during the creative process. Dreams are a completely subjective trip to nowhere that makes us realize how our mind is a huge unknown maze where get lost in it. I rarely can drive my dreams as other people say they can do, I'm just a victim or a spectator of them. Despite my bad skills as the pilot of my own dreams, I find this kind of mysterious fantasy so much more inspiring than common reality. Traveling to places without leaving your bed and wake up in the next morning like "wow, I thought I was there...". So that's the thing, many of my pictures want to stay "there".

What is your approach towards exploring the subconscious and unconscious aspects of your mind?

I try to chase sensations rescued from dreams and altered states of mind: Moments of pain, moments of joy, ... the constant search and pursuit of "that something" turns into my fuel.

Does that ever leave you to encounter a great amount of self-imposed isolation? I see that a lot of your images have their subjects experiencing something like that.

It's curious because I consider myself a very social person, I really need the love, the laughs and the company of other people. However at the same time, I'm aware of the other side of my moon, and in this other side lives other Ibai, deeper and lost than any other. This is where I experiment with my sensations and creations, where I drop my fears and wishes. Isolated characters in the middle of strange lands are a recurring element to illustrate this inner exploration. This could be as simple and complex as the typical phrase "Yo have to get lost to find yourself".

Such confrontations can be exhausting. Is meditation becoming the medium for you, or is it the catharsis through art?

The word "meditation" is written on my skills wish list, but I would choose the option "catharsis through art without so much bohemian drama".

Now, can you bring us towards how you create the immersive imagery? What is your process like and what's the post-process like?

The word that comes to my head is "Imagine". I mean, my process is based on pure experimentation trying to show through pictures all the imagination that fills my mind. Despite the nice words, as a photographer, I have to deal with real things, real persons, real places... and find the way to turn all this reality into what my imagination is chasing for. I always try to work thinking about possibilities instead boundaries. So I don't have any problem if I have to lie in some way, I only want to transmit to the person in front of the picture.

Like I told you, I have a few friends from Spain and I have felt their spirit to be of great sensuality and receptivity, of music and dance. How do you think that enriches or affects your perspective, and, your expression?

We are the product of our culture and environment, so for sure! As a latin human being born and raised in a small town near Barcelona I think that I have a lot of strengths and weaknesses related to that. For example; I think that all the priorities in life, all the warm and visceral part that lives in me, the general doesn't match very well with the classic Nordic thinking stereotype. However, at the end everyone is a unique product from a very different and complex combination, so obviously you will be able to find a horrible Spanish lover and a great German tango performer. Everything affects without determining.

What form of expression is the most total for you?

Music and cinema are the fields that most connect with me.

Before we come to the last question, can you share with us a book or a story that you have been the most transformed by?

I don't have key pieces in my history, what I have is a lot of small satellites that build my personal galaxy. I would tell you to hear the disc "A Year of Hibernation" from Youth Lagoon lying in the grass with a loved person during a spring sunset, the film Boyhood to think about the pass of time and happiness in life, the book "Cuatro Amigos" from David Trueba, The War On Drugs latest album "A Deeper Understanding"...  Many little stars that inspire me in my own path.

Lastly, what would you share or suggest with other photographers?

I would say "Don't stop doing what you most like to do, keep pushing, keep getting lost because its there where real amazing things emerge".

Interview with Ibai Acevedo

https://www.instagram.com/ibaiacevedo/

www.ibaiacevedo.com

Interviewed by The Portfolio

[rpgmgames]

June’s Featured Game: Living Playground: The Witch’s Puppets

DEVELOPER(S): Meaka ENGINE: RPGMaker XP  GENRE: Supernatural, Puzzle WARNINGS:   Both implied and shown violence to the children, Emotional abuse, Blood SUMMARY: With what starts as a simple day at the park, siblings Tony, Pablo, and Octavio are once again caught up in a series of strange circumstances such as strange pocket dimensions, coordinated monsters, and more geese than anyone could ever want to see in their lives. Stranded with them are Haze and Seal, two witches who seem to be connected with whatever nonsense is going down. As witches tend to be.In the simplest of terms, this game is about friendship and relating to others, both the good and the bad. With an unfortunate focus on the bad. It will be mostly straightforward with only one ending. 

Download the demo here!

Our Interview With The Dev Team Below The Cut!

Introduce yourself!  *Hi hello I'm Meaka. I've been kicking around the RPG Maker scene since like 2012 with my first game release in 2014. Whether that makes me but a wee RPGM baby or a seasoned veteran is probably dependent on how "long" you'd consider that h-haha. I'm an animator and illustrator, so visual development is my strong suit.

What is your project about? What inspired you to create your game initially? *Meaka: The Witch's Puppets is best summed up as "a game about friendship." Part of my motivation for creating it was simply personal catharsis: it deals heavily with circumstances that impacted my own life greatly and affects how I interact with people to this very day. Beyond real-life experiences, a big inspiration is Hatoful Boyfriend: Holiday Star in terms of how emotionally raw and powerful it is while also carrying on its sense of humor.

How long have you been working on your project? *Meaka: Far too long oh man. As a reference, my first game took me maybe six to eight months on and off to complete. I'm. almost 3 years into The Witch's Puppets and while I can probably hope for the best in terms of my completion rate, it's been a wild ride. (Did you know I thought it'd only take a year? 2014 me, how innocent you were...)

Did any other games or media influence aspects of your project? *Meaka: I say this like everywhere and I'm sorry if I'm repeating myself, but a huge inspiration for my art in general is the Kirby series. It has such a flawless blend of cute-to-macabre that I absolutely love and hope to capture that same feeling in my own work! Living Playground was inspired by the usual "RPG Maker/ Wolf RPG Editor" games (mostly Ib and Alice_mare) which led to it's "kind of horror but not really" flavor.

Have you come across any challenges during development? How have you overcome or worked around them?   *Meaka: In all honesty, just staying motivated three years into a project is difficult. I'm absolutely ecstatic to be making this game and bring it to people for them to play, but it's so easy to be excited about the cool parts and hit a wall production-wise when it comes to the mundane and tedious parts, particularly programming events that tend to be made up of a ton of conditional branches, variables, and occasionally will crash RMXP. So I give myself breaks on occasion and try to switch it up between whether I work on visual assets or RPG Maker programming, and sometimes I flip over to side projects (be it jam games or just other art).

Have any aspects of your project changed over time? How does your current project differ from your initial concept? *Meaka: From my initial concept, beyond certain themes and characters, they're two entirely different storylines. I actually gutted the entire script and started over at least twice during the course of production because of things not flowing well, weird writing choices by me, or just ideas that I slowly realized weren't that good. In particular, a very big part of some rewriting came from having some friends look over my script + game doc and pointing out some flaws that were from too much personal investment. If you're ever in a tight spot and not sure if stuff reads right, get some friends to beta read for you!

What was your team like at the beginning? How did people join the team? If you don't have a team, do you wish you had one or do you prefer working alone? *Meaka: In my first game it was just me until I threw it at some people to beta test. That was an interesting experience. For the Witch's Puppets, I commissioned music from the absolutely amazing ProjectTrinity and needing to consolidate my ideas and express them in a way for someone to create music for it helped me commit to my ideas and also helped me put into words what I couldn't really describe well beforehand. I haven't really had the chance to work fully on a team. I'd sure love to, but I fear my hectic life schedule would hold back whatever team I would want to join.

What was the best part of developing the game? *Meaka: I may be an animator and used to this by now, but there's something really magical about making your characters and putting them into a thing and then they move around. It just feels really nice. Also for me, I love telling stories and entertaining people, so I hope that my games allow me to do that! Whenever someone offhand mentions they enjoy something I make, it fills me with the warm fuzzies. (And don't even get me started on fanart. I literally cry.)

Looking back now, is there anything that regret/wish you had done differently? *Meaka: I absolutely want to 100% go back and remake Living Playground one day. It was the best I could do at the time, but now that I know so much more about what RPG Maker can and can't do, I want to go back and fix all those little things and make it more of what I wanted it to be. ... Also cut back on the ham-fisted attempts to be scary, maybe.

Once you finish your project, do you plan to explore game's universe and characters further in subsequent projects, or leave it as-is? *Meaka: I've already kind of done that! The Witch's Puppets is a sequel-but-not-really. And also Retail Hell, my Horror Funhouse jam project, is set in the same universe. As for the future, I can't say for sure that I'll make another game with the same characters, but I love the playground kids so I would never rule out the possibility of making something containing them again. Whether it's a game or not, that's a problem for Future Meaka to figure out.

What do you look most forward to upon/after release? *Meaka: It might be conceited of me, but I hope to see it give some sort of positive impact on people, even if just a little! I'd like to hope my little Friendship Game helps someone out if they're in a rough patch and at least makes them smile for a bit. Also I cannot wait to shitpost with wild abandon. Bad memes, here I come.

Is there something you're afraid of concerning the development or the release of your game?  *Meaka: I always low-key fear my files corrupting and losing everything, but since I am paranoid and keep a ton of back-up copies, I don't think that's going to be an issue. There's also a small part of me that is worried about people completely missing the point, but at that point I guess it would fall on my writing...!

Question from last month's featured dev: Which of your characters do you feel like you'd get along with the most? *Meaka: Strong Pickle. There is no other answer.

Do you have any advice for upcoming devs? *Meaka: Google Drive, Dropbox, and Mediafire are good friends and back up your stuff! Also, there will be days when making your game will not be fun. You will open your version of RPG Maker and look at it with dread. Keep going. Even if it's just one event a day, one spriteset at a time, keep on poking at that game. It just seems daunting because you know what you want it to be and you're looking at the beginning of the beginning. You can do it!!!

We mods would like to thank Meaka for agreeing to our interview! We believe that featuring the developer and their creative process is just as important as featuring the final product. Hopefully this Q&A segment has been an entertaining and insightful experience for everyone involved! 

Remember to check out Living Playground: The Witch’s Puppets if you haven’t already! See you next month! 

- Mods Gold & Platinum