#inspired by a late night depressive episode

[poeticjackalope]

i meditate instead of smoking weed when i want to kill myself

find me pressed against the bed frame, closed into the almost-silence of my room with my back straight, “as if someone is pulling the top of your head by a string.” no one ever tells you that proper posture hurts like a bitch when you’re perpetually slouched. 

take your place next to me, shuffling against the carpet until we’ve found the correct position, my hand finds yours and two things become one. before you came in, one of those guided meditation audios was playing, you know the one– voiced by some thirty something who sounds like they have their shit together.

now we fall into it with only the rise and fall of our chests as a guide. ‘close your eyes’ i say, ‘i have something to show you’.

in the empty space between my consciousness and unconsciousness rests the stump of a tree. the clean cut reveals decades of rings of a life that learned to exist ungrudgingly. 

stories are written in the wood grain of each uneven line. it’s best to acknowledge the drought when you look at the layers made thin by the flickering led’s of every bathroom stall we became acquainted with. between years are scorches of black scabbed bark, burnt from nights spent in the fold of our own thoughts. it’s easy to indulge the sorrow when you linger on them for too long, but you can’t ignore that the tree keeps growing. 

as we look on, each layer grows thicker, reminding us– insisting even– that we are real and alive, that there are roots anchored in, like veins. we’ve made this place our home, no matter how much we hate to love it.

you reach out to trace the life lived in the lines, and the stump, because all things must end, unfurls. wood recycles into an old-new shape, the past stands towering above us.

in one blink, it’s a pine. it’s flesh is soft and forgiving. in the next, it’s an elm, strong and reliable bark that gives selflessly.

time moves in between the clench of our fingers, grass growing thick and dancing under the civil dawn sky. moss winds up our legs while birds find their home here, there’s music weaving through the leaves. change is gradual, but it brings something close to peace with it, it almost feels like permission to rest. ‘i’m ready to go’ you say, ‘thank you’.

we surface from the dream with hands still clasped on a lifeline. i pluck out the leaves tangled in your hair and press them between the pages of a book, and despite the irony, i’m finally convinced that everything is okay in the end.

[gildedoak]

Radioapple Week Day 1 - Late Night/Early Morning

For those who haven’t heard THIS SONG by OkJess - treat yourself to an earworm!

Click here for Part 2!

Description below the cut!

[IMAGE DESCRIPTION: the HAZBIN HOTEL kitchen, 2:15am

Alastor bends down, waving a hand in front of Lucifer's face. Lucifer looks like he's turning into primordial ooze, becoming one with the table he's slumped over. In one hand, he's clutching his "I quack myself up" mug, which is full of hot coffee. His eyes are wide and bloodshot as he stares off into the distance, and his hair is a mess.

A: (thinking to himself) Well this is... concerning.

L: (blearily) ....wuh?

A few blurbs point to Alastor: - has been trying to get his attention for the past 15 minutes - just finished his late night radio show

A few blurbs on Lucifer: - fighting off a depressive episode - hasn't slept in 72 hours - has maybe had 72 coffees - he lost track after #50 - was struck with inspiration for more duck designs at 3am (...3 days ago)

END DESCRIPTION]

[amazinglyashy]

hi! Can I request (if u don’t mind) smth abt the LND charecters when they’re feeling depressed and how the mc conforts and takes care of them? If u don’t want to it’s fine

Been super tired lately, so this was both a chore and a help to write! :'D Hope you enjoy, it helped me start breaking through my own funk!

LaDS men feeling down, and how you cheer them up-

Sylus -

Sylus's work is quite… mentally taxing, to say the least. Even with how used to it he's become, some days it definitely takes a bigger toll on his psychic.

He's capable of evil actions, but he's nowhere near cruel in his heart. No matter what he tries to make others believe, you know best just what he's feeling on the inside.

The best way you've found to help him clear his head, is asking him to take you out for a ride.

It works the best in the evening, when he's the most awake and the N109 zone is more quiet.

Something about the way you grip around his waist, your arms wrapped tightly around him as you press your helmet against his upper back- it did more to drive away the fog than the speeds that would flash across the speedometer on your drive together.

It was never a cure all, but it was a start.

And you were more than willing to spend a night or two here and there, if it meant helping to cheer Sylus up.

Rafayel -

It's easy to tell when he's depressed.

After all, the canvas is still blank, and the paint cups of water are still clear and unmuddled.

That, and he's pouting severely.

It's just as easy to help him slowly out of a funk, though.

After some protests and rude remarks, you can usually coax him outside for a walk along the beach- more severe cases call for a picnic, which you're happy to cater if it means helping to cheer up his tired mind.

It's sweet, watching him close his eyes as the two of you sit in the sand, his expression unreadable as his hair blows lightly around his face from the breeze.

It doesn't always help give him a big leg up out of a depressive episode, but sometimes it's enough to help give him the inspiration he needs to keep going without burning out.

And sometimes, that's more than enough.

Xavier -

He's tricky- he can be quite thick-headed on occasion. Especially if either of you has a lot of work that you need to get done.

He's the worst at resting when he needs it, and even more horrible at giving himself a break when he's finally reached the point where a break is actually extremely necessary, so he's sure to bicker with you lightly when you insist on taking him somewhere to help cheer him up.

He'd rather stay home and sleep, honestly.

But he's a bit more willing to cave, when you hand him a jar of tokens and drag him towards the claw machines.

It's not his favorite activity per se, but it's something that the two of you started doing together. It was your thing, together, and the chaos and banter that came from it- no matter how tired he was- was enough to help start breaking down the walls of his burn out.

Even just a little bit.

Zayne -

He's hard to read, it's a wonder if you're able to tell when he's down, especially if you already have a lot on your own plate to deal with.

It's not that you don't care, or can't read him, it's more- he keeps his feelings so closely hidden, that it's difficult for even someone as close as you are to him to see what he's truly feeling.

You manage, though.

It's easiest to cheer him up on the fly- he's always loved the little things with you, so finding a starting point and winging it from there seems to be the best course of action whenever you need to pull him out of a spiral.

And you've found that a good starting point is a restaurant or bakery tucked away on a list in your phone just in case this sort of situation arises, picking one randomly to take him too or make him drive the both of you to, without telling him.

Usually the surprise itself is enough to make him smile, but if it's not, you have plenty of time.

Plenty of time.

[wttcsms]

wttcsms wags blind bag, one shot collection ;

about poking fun at blind items & wanting to explore wag culture (and also looking for any reason to write about hot anime athletes), this fic collection's theme is inspired by/based off of... well, blind items about wags!

you're what i wanna love on, shugo meian

at the height of peak stardom, you're not just japan's pop princess — you're everyone's. with it comes controversy; your infamously short dresses, the late night parties you attend after every concert, your outrageously expensive concert tickets and merch, your racy performances that have concerned mothers going on social media saying you're a bad influence. adding to your list of typical pop star transgressions, you also have a hot, successful, wildly successful and just barely controversially older boyfriend!

but it would've been fun (if you could've been the one), tooru oikawa

from high school rivals to long-distance college sweethearts to perhaps the couple that got eloped way too early, it's no surprise that you and oikawa end up divorcing soon after getting married. while in your case it seems like love might be a losing game, you and oikawa both only play to win. when the olympics brings you two together once more, there's a good chance you two can reconcile and get your relationship back and better than it was before — or, go down with this sinking ship. with either outcome, at least you two are doing it together.

something to lose, shoyo hinata

heartbroken, jaded, and convinced that all men are garbage, you don't plan on anything happening when you're invited to an after party for a profession volleyball team in order to boost said team's publicity. you don't plan on making any friends or meaningful connections, and you certainly don't plan on getting the number of one of their star player's, shoyo hinata. then again, a lot of things don't go as planned when he's involved, and you don't expect yourself to be happy about these turns of event, but for once you are; happy, that is. and it's all his fault.

easy like sunday morning, wakatoshi ushijima

wakatoshi ushijima is notorious for his devotion to two things: volleyball and his family. during his post-game interview where he's been away from home for nearly two months, interviewers are asking him if he's excited to attend the rowdy after party to celebrate. ushijima's answer? he's taking a flight directly after this interview to head back home. he plans on celebrating the only way he knows how to: by finally being able to tuck in his sweet kids to bed, and then show his beloved wife how much he's missed her.

it's the same damn thing that made my heart surrender, koutarou bokuto

before he gets scouted by the msby black jackals and becomes one of japan's most famous athletes of all time, he's a struggling athlete trying his hardest to get a contract. during the off-season for recruiting, he decides to make some extra cash by using his looks and charms to become a contestant on a reality dating show, where he meets you: beautiful, intelligent, ambitious you, who is so clearly out of the league for anyone. you adore him, and you two have the strongest connection out of everyone on the show, so when he ends up picking someone who's not you, you're shocked. you don't know that he thinks he's doing you a favor because he believes he'll only ever hold you back. when the show invites you two for a reunion episode special, bokuto can only hope your feelings haven't changed.

burn out season, michael kaiser

what do you do when suffer a potential career-ending injury? hopefully not get diagnosed with depression, find out that because you devoted your whole life to your sport, you now have no sense of what to do without it, and then realize the only person who really Gets You is the only person who can irritate you like no one else does. hopefully you don't start to spend your newfound free time with him, and hopefully, you don't start to experience all the fun firsts in your life because of him and with him. or, maybe hopefully you do.

life could be a dream, yoichi isagi

getting together was no easy feat, and yoichi wants to show you how happy he is that you're his. he showers you with presents, shows you off at any given chance, always has a hand on the small of your back or around your waist. his possessive streak only grows when he finally slips that expensive engagement ring on your finger, and he shows you just how good married life is going to be for you.

i was supposed to sweat you out, michael beckenbauer

michael beckenbauer doesn't give a shit about japan, or the other subpar racers who have the nerve to get behind the wheel of the cars just to lose by a wide margin to him, or about how he's perceived by the media. he just wants to finish out this season, return home, and maybe find some worthy competition. he doesn't care if it's your job to try to brighten up his image; he never asked for a publicist, and in typical michael fashion, he's going to go out of his way to get you to quit. he has a bad tendency to underestimate his opponents, though, and off the track, you just might be his worthiest competition yet.

[imaginesinthewind]

Dating Sirius Black would include

A/N: The part 2 to this one. I have no excuses for taking so long to write it, except that my inspiration is as changing as Tonks haircut. Enjoy 🖤

- Let's be honest here, it would be a rollercoaster. Sirius was never taught how to love, not until he met the Marauders or the Potters at least

- And you cannot really call dating as many girls as possible before dumping them because they get too attached love

- However, with you, he would be surprisingly committed. When he loves, this boy loves with his entire soul

- Lots of PDA, or what James would call "disgusting couple things"

- (mainly because Lily keeps refusing him)

- Sirius would proudly wrap his arm around your waist or your shoulders everywhere. You would secretly hold hands in class, or he would wink at you and blow kisses across the room

- He would pay attention even less, much to the annoyance of McGonagall

- Instead, he would send you flying love notes or stare lovingly into your eyes

- "Black, you will not find the answer to my question in Miss (Y/L/N) eyes."

"Are you sure?"

- So.much.making.out

- Soft kisses, intense kisses, longing kisses, goofy kisses

- "You guys, I'm trying to eat here"

"Time to go to class, make out later"

- Sirius would be the best at finding amazing dates. He is definitely a late night date type of person

- Stargazing at the astronomy tower with cigarettes, stealing pastries from the kitchens, taking you for a motorcycle ride, showing you the most secret pathways in Hogwarts, or making him discover Muggle music like the Beatles or the Stones and he loves it

- Endless night talks about life in front of the fireplace

- Sneaking into his bed so many times than the other Marauders become used to it

- This boy craves for your attention. If he loses it, he will act like a lost puppy

- Trying to get him to study more with you but failing

- Sirius ending up distracting you from studying at the library by telling you dirty jokes, causing you to eventually burst out laughing. And get kicked out

- Life would be an adventure with him, and dating him is such a freeing experience, the boy would love you intensely

- However, Sirius' insecurities would come back real quick

- He would be so scared to lose you and would get jealous very quickly

- A lot of self sabotaging and "I'm not worthy of you" from his part

- Sirius doesn't open up easily, he hides his vulnerability and wounds behind a strong ego and easygoing, smug attitude. But if you are patient and soft enough with him, he will eventually

- Hair and scalp massages to calm him down and soothe him

- Secretly wiping tears and comforting embraces

- Depressive episodes when Regulus becomes a death eater

- Regular outbursts of anger because of his mother

- Being the first one to know when he runs away at the Potters

- You are a bit worried at first, but Sirius takes it surprisingly well. He says that he doesn't need them, he has you and his friends

- Always being this mix between a gentleman and a cocky, dirty talker type of person

- Whispering the dirtiest things possible in your ear everywhere, this boy has no filter

- Him trying to convince you to get your first tattoo

- Accompanying him when he gets another one

- Lots of "please get a room"

- A lot of sex (but I'll give more details on a potential part 3 maybe?)

- Eventually getting caught in an empty classroom and McGonagall awkwardly giving you the talk in her office

- Very awkward moment, and Sirius cannot stop showing the smugiest face

- Being the Hogwarts couple goal

- Sirius meeting your parents at the end of 6th year, and to say that he would be nervous is an understatement

- But his natural charisma and """"good education"""" would do the work for him and your parents would love him, also because they would see these special sparkles in both of your eyes when you look at each other

- Doing everything in your power to make Jilly happen

- Being very happy when it does

- Moving in together when class is over 🖤

(I know this isn't supposed to be a happy ending but one is allowed to dream)

[earthry]

Papas and Arranged Marriage (Regency AU Headcanons)

sfw mostly, mild reference to sex but nothing descriptive. reader x papas, arranged marriage, hurt/comfort, fluff, angst, tw: talk of weight loss from depressive episode. inspired by pride and prejudice for the most part.

Primo

The Emeritus family boasts wealth and status, and though your parents offered your hand, the chances of the proposal being accepted were very slim. The Emeritus brothers were always receiving and rejecting proposals, after all.

Primo never married because he never fell in love, but he ends up accepting your proposal due to the fact that he’s not getting any younger and he would at the very least like to have someone by his side for the last decade of his life.

You were a little dismayed by the fact that Primo was much older than you, but from the first moment you meet, he’s a gentleman. Courts you properly despite the marriage being arranged. You’ve more than a little charmed by his modesty and humor.

You leave that first meeting feeling butterflies in your chest you never thought you’d experience.

Spends a lot of time with you so that you can learn more about each other and choose the best flowers from his garden to gift you every time you see each other.

Always takes your hand in his and presses a gentle kiss to it.

The fact that he’s older actually gives him a edge, he’s very well versed in the art of seduction (in other words, the slow courting to bringing you to his bed, it’s all a very sensual and pleasurable process).

He ends up falling half in love with you by the end of the first month of meeting you and on your wedding night, he confesses his love wholeheartedly as he holds you in his arms.

Enjoys spending sunrises in his garden with you snuggled in his lap as you share stories and conversation over tea.

Secondo

Bitter old man who breaks your heart from day one and regrets it as he slowly gets to know more about you.

At first viewed the marriage as purely transactional and told you he would be a good husband but never fall in love with you so don’t have any expectations.

The wedding itself was lavish and a huge party  because it’s Secondo (who had a lively night), but for you, you were very lonely. You were the first to retire to your rooms.

He’s attentive to your needs but emotionally distant and you resign yourself to your loveless marriage. Though you sleep in the same bed, he never touches you. You assume one day— probably soon, he’ll probably find a mistress and the thought makes your heart ache.

As you live together he begins to learn more about you; especially as you get more comfortable around him. The first time you snap back at him he’s taken aback but also impressed.

Your confidence only grows from there and he learns how headstrong and witty you are.

One night as he’s staying up late to work to figure out a hard situation, you make an off handed comment about something that catches his attention; it ends up solving the issue he was struggling with and since then, he’s gone to you for advice more than a handful of times.

Secondo finds himself drawn to you more and more and one day, you wake up with your arms wrapped around him like a koala. He’s staring right at you and you immediately apologize, letting him go and untangling yourself, but he stops you. He says it’s okay and he doesn’t mind.

You agonize about this all day, and end up crying to him and telling him not to get your hopes up— this breaks his heart because he didn’t expect to fall in love with you but he has and his previous words at the start of your marriage haunts him.

He comforts you and takes you in his arms and promises that he’s serious and that he was a fool.

You share a kiss— a real kiss, tender and sweet and full of emotion. You end up crying again, but this time with happiness but it alarms Secondo all the same. You end up laughing through your tears and telling him he’s an idiot and he pouts but woefully agrees you might be right.

Redoes your wedding night, ravishing you and treating you the way he should have that fateful night. He kisses apologies against your skin, intertwining your fingers together as he makes love to you. He makes a vow right then and there that he will always do his best to make you the happiest wife ever. He tells you he will be a good husband and he will love you for the rest of your lives together and even after.

Terzo

Didn’t really agree to the proposal but Papa Nihil and Sister Imperator threatened his inheritance if he didn’t accept. The marriage was mostly to keep him in check because of his behavior and constant partying and troublemaking.

Actually pouted when you told him that you wouldn’t sleep with him until your wedding night. The few times he tried to tempt you before time, you gave him a run for his money, leaving him horny, strangely still aroused, and confused.

After he realizes that you won’t be just another one of his conquests and that you’re serious about this engagement; serious about this marriage, he become a little more mature about the whole thing. Which is a good thing because you’re about this close from calling the whole thing off.

Tries to court you properly; the first time he does so, sending you a proper letter and having flowers and gifts delivered to you, you are suspicious. 

You interrogate the poor man the next time you meet in person and he apologizes for his previous behavior; you’ve caught his intrigue and he wants to make things work between the two of you.

Begrudgingly, you accept his apology and tell him that he’s on thin ice.

From there, he’s on his best behavior which stuns and surprises most people including Papa Nihil and Sister Imperator (”Maybe this was a good idea, after all.)

On your wedding night, you expect Terzo to jump your bones immediately but at this point he sees you for so much more than just another body; he’s already half in love with you and takes you to bed slowly, taking care to go at a comfortable speed and to be attentive to your needs. He’s a good lover, after all, and he’s eager to prove it to you.

In the morning, you wake in his arms with him gazing at you with affection. He kisses you good morning and tells you that he’s a very lucky man. He admits he’s falling in love with you and you tell him he’s cheesy-- he blushes and flusters and is about to protest when you catch his lips in a kiss and tell him ‘me too’. 

Copia

The youngest of the Emeritus Brothers, and your childhood best friend. The two of you would get into all sorts of trouble as kids and you were often scolded by your parents for playing with him. Despite his high standing as a Emeritus, they thought he was much too strange and odd for you, their beloved only daughter.

You would always disobey their orders to stay away from him, and when the two of you were of age, social balls and parties were spent at each other’s side; gossiping and giggling about others and sneaking out to the garden for a more quieter atmosphere where he could let his rat out of his pocket.

When he first received the news that he was to be married, he was heartbroken. He’d always imagined it to be you by his side— but your parents always refused any request of his to court you.

The news of him being engaged hit you hard. You locked yourself in your room to cry and refused to come out for days. When you finally came out of your room, your parents scolded you and told you to move on. You were of age after all, and would soon be married off as well.

You were out with a chaperon one day when you passed by Copia with his fiancé, escorting her to a beautiful restaurant. Your favorite restaurant, actually. When you return home, you lock yourself in your rooms again and refuse to eat.

You’re so miserable that your health begins to suffer and you fall very ill— this alarms your parents who despite their strictness, love you very much. They call many doctors to see you, but none are able to help.

Word of your health reaches Copia who visits you immediately; he’s still very much in love with you. Your parents reluctantly let him visit, mostly due to your pleading.

You cry as soon as you see him, and he rushes to your side and takes you into his arms. He’s alarmed by how much weight you’ve lost, how pale and sickly you look. He comforts you, tells you he loves you. Reassures you he will always be there for you. You’re too tired to do much except for nodding and sniffling against his shoulder. Eventually you fall asleep and he carefully untangles the two of you to speak with your parents.

After a long and excruciating talk, he gets your parents to agree to let him court you— he cancels his current engagement despite the backlash, and the next time you wake he’s by your bedside with a bouquet of roses.

Your recover little by little after that, and on your wedding day you both cry during your vows. In the morning, you wake in his arms to him snoring at your back and you couldn’t be happier.

[jasntodds]

COMPLETED - May 26, 2023

Summary:

Pairing: Gar Logan x Fem!Powered!Reader, Jason Todd x Fem!Powered!Reader

Summary: ❝Tell me Atlas: What is heavier, The world or its people's hearts?❞

You never expected your life to end up this way, turned upside down by an infamous Gotham villain. It's been a living hell, every single day, until Dick Grayson brings you to Titans tower where you meet Gar Logan and Jason Todd.

Warnings: Angst, Fluff, mentions of being tortured, mentions of being held captive, mentions of abuse, violence (not anything more graphic than what’s in the show), canon violence, mentions of death, various injuries (nothing in great detail), bruises, blood, lots of angst and smartass teenagers, hurt/comfort, some anxiety, ptsd, hints of depression (canon), mentions of Batman villains being Batman villains, nightmares, some paranoia, discussions about previous homelessness, drug mentions, canon character death(s)? (if you know, you know), dick is very exhausted from dealing with teenagers who never listen to him, Titans timelines making 0 sense so I’m fixing it, season 2 (this book) takes place in 2019 and season 2 also takes place over a few months instead of like a week, little bit of a love triangle but there’s no drama about it (it wasn't supposed to be but the series is writing itself and i'm along for the ride), season 2 Titans spoilers

A/N: Titans made me think about all the angst I could do and I decided I should write it. This takes place through season 2 (first few chapters are between episode 1 and episode 2). Trust me, the Gar x reader and Jason x reader, will make sense. I have a plan. This is the most thought-out fic I have literally ever done. I have it planned all the way through season 3 lol

tag list | playlist | full masterlist

↳ status: COMPLETED - May 26, 2023

Chapters:

Chapter 1 - Titans Tower Chapter 2 - Fossilized Memories Chapter 3 - Show Me Yours, I’ll Show You Mine Chapter 4 - Nightmare Chapter 5 - Late Nights In The Sparring Room Chapter 6 - Batsons Chapter 7 -If It’s Too Much To Carry Chapter 8 - the Morning After Chapter 9 - Rose Chapter 10  - Ghosts Chapter 11 - Deathstroke Chapter 12 - Put It On Me Chapter 13 - Shared Trauma Chapter 14 - Bruce Wayne Chapter 15 - Atonement  Chapter 16 - Fallen/E.L._.O Chapter 17  - Nightwing

Book 2 Masterlist

Fic Inspired Works:

Gar Logan moodboard Jason Todd moodboard Playlist Post

OC Versions

AO3 Wattpad FFN

[kmfoxtail546]

100 Years Coming

A Lucifer Morningstar x Trans!Male Reader by. KM-Foxtail-546

Chapter Summary: It's your first day at the Hazbin Hotel after being brought in as the receptionist by Alastor as a cover for helping with his wounds. You're exploring the hotel to get to know the layout after Alastor only showed you half of the layout. You're to the opposite of Alastor's Radio Tower when you find an intricately carved door decorated with snakes and apples. And are those... Ducks?

No use of Y/N

You can also read it on my Ao3!

Warnings: Hurt/Comfort, Minors Do Not Interact, Lucifer Trauma, Mentions of Depression, Depressive Episodes, Comforting depressive episodes, mentions/descriptions of trauma, mentions/descriptions of emotional abuse, Lilith is mentioned, relationship trauma, trans reader, male reader, male x male romance, cuddling I guess? Lol it's hardly anything compared to what's to come. Unedited

Word Count:1,908 words this chapter

Author's Note: Special thanks to @dragongeeks for Roleplaying with me in the first place and giving me the inspiration to finally write my first fic. Extra note at the end.

Chapter 1: A Door of Snakes and... Ducks?

You sighed slightly as you wrapped up putting your new room together at the hotel. Having already helped Alastor with his bandaging for the night you thought about what you should do. It was relatively late but you were still wide awake, mins buzzing with energy after moving yet again for the 5th time in just 4 months. It was getting tiring but at least this time it was by choice and not by those pricks who keep following and harassing you wherever you settled.

Deciding to step out of your room you adjust your vest and start wandering the halls. Alastor had only shown you half of the layout of the hotel. Seemingly having drawn an invisible line halfway across like some child. Thinking on it for a moment you head towards the areas you hadn't been to familiarize yourself with the rest of the layout. You'd have to know it for your new job as the Hotel's receptionist anyway considering you'd have to show new guests to their rooms.

The energy seems to shift as you cross that invisible threshold that Alastor had seemed to make, shivering slightly as his very essence that had drenched that half of the hotel left you. You pause for a moment before venturing forward, determined on your mission. Most of your exploration is uneventful and it seems to be an exact copy of what you'd been shown.

As you're wrapping up with the uppermost floor of the hotel you come across an intricately carved door. It was stunning with by far some of the finest craftsmanship you'd seen in either life or death. It was decorated with detailed imagery of Snakes and Apples, hints of Eden hidden among an overall circus theme but then you notice something, Is that... Are those DUCKS? Like all over the door there are little rubber ducks hidden among almost every detail.

You snort slightly as that finally seems to tip the edge of your curiosity. You're about to just open the door before you think better of it. Knocking firmly as to make sure you didn't walk in on anyone. There's a yelp and shuffling behind the door along with the muffled crash of what sounded like a squeaky pile. After a couple moments someone seems to rush up to the door and open it. You go speechless, awe-struck as you find yourself face to face with none other than Lucifer Morningstar himself. The Sin of Pride and King of Hell.

Lucifer looks disheveled as if he'd just been interrupted from something. His desk was a mess with several discarded Rubber Ducks. You finally snap out of it when he asks what he can do for you and you sweep yourself into a full bow, suddenly feeling panicked. "I'm so sorry Your Majesty! I didn't mean to interrupt you or anything. I'll leave if you need me to."

Lucifer's eyes widened as he suddenly spoke very quickly. "NO! No no no. It's uh. It's okay. You don't have to leave at all, I wasn't. I wasn't really doing anything at all. And please l, just call me Lucifer." He smiled awkwardly at you and cleared his throat. "A-anyway you don't have to bow like that for me. At least not here at the Hotel. While I'm here I am very simply Charlie's Dad."

You reluctantly stand back up like normal before gasping as you notice the piles upon piles of ducks in the room behind him. Forgetting to think you rush past him inside of the room, stopping to look at each individual rubber duckie. Taking great interest in his collection. "Wow! I've never seen this many unique rubber ducks. I think at all even, let alone all in one place. Do you collect them? Or do you somehow make these yourself?"

Lucifer looked confused at how you took such interest in his ducks. Anyone else he'd run into who saw them(except Charlie obviously) had made fun of them. So he certainly hadn't expected you to observe them so intently. Feeling suspicious he asked "I mean I make them myself. But why do you want to know?"

You could feel his suspicions at the back of your neck, raising your hands in surrender. "I promise I mean nothing bad in it! I actually really like rubber ducks and ducks in general. And all of these are so unique and amazingly creative and well made! I'm honestly really impressed. I don't think I could ever make something like; well to be honest ANY of these."

Lucifer's suspicions faded at your heartfelt response, before utter confusion set in. "You don't. You don't think that they're stupid or childish? I mean it's such a stupid hobby honestly and-"

You turned around and interrupted him the instant he started to speak like that. "What?! God no I LOVE rubber ducks. I mean they're not the most important thing to me but I find them super adorable. And once again I find it really impressive that you can make things like this."

Picking up a duck with a ringleader get up and a baton, you laughed as it waved it's baton and spit confetti out it's mouth. "See? Stuff like this is absolutely amazing. The fact that you can make such amazing things. Isn't that enough to keep doing it?"

You grabbed his hand and put the ringleader duck in it. Closing his hand around it and holding it like that. Smiling gently as you did so. Lucifer stared at where your hands met, before a tear streamed down his face.

He'd been in a depressive episode over these ducks, as well as several other things before you knocked on his door. And now here you were, telling him about how impressive and amazing his ducks really were. He'd expected the typical harsh words everyone else gave him over them, not words of encouragement.

Upon seeing his tears you immediately panicked and rapidly pulled your hands away from his as it re-clicked in your mind just who you were talking to. And you'd just made him cry without even knowing whether you did. "Oh no! I'm so sorry. I. I don't know what I did, I didn't want to make you cry!"

Lucifer tried to catch his breath. "No. No you didn't do anything wrong. This is all me okay? I. I really shouldn't be reacting like this, especially in company. I just. Give me a moment." He was fidgeting with his wedding band again and something seemed to click in your mind.

"You know. Special interests like this are really interesting. I mean I have an odd collection or two. I even keep a collection of certain Hell Times magazines for inspiration with my designs. I really admire the fabric work displayed in them." You pulled him into a tight hug, feeling terrified that you were severely overstepping your boundaries but also having a good feeling that he needed this.

At that simple gesture Lucifer broke down, hugging you back tightly and sobbing into your shoulder as he tried to process your words. You felt startled but carefully lowered the two of you down into a duck bean bag chair on the ground. Holding him as you rubbed his back. Simply sitting there with him speaking comforts to him as he broke down.

Lucifer barely managed to speak after SEVERAL moments, doing so quietly. "Sorry, I haven't had anyone say such things to me since. I don't know since I was just a kid? That was a LONG time ago." That made you confused. "Really? I mean you'd think that Lilith would have said such things to you at least once over all those years. I mean you two have been married since humanity was first even a thing." Lucifer shook his head. "No, I mean most of the things you just said are essentially the opposite. Lilith as well as anyone else always told me that I shouldn't ever focus on these stupid ducks. That they're a waste of time among several other hobbies. I mean if I wasn't doing my duties I'd essentially get yelled at."

You felt concerned. "Lucifer. That's hardly anything but normal. That's actually REALLY bad. Nobody should've been treating you like that. Hobbies like this are important for your mental health. Especially when it comes to eternity."

He teared back up again and simply hugged you as he sobbed all over again. Feeling horrible for breaking down like this, especially someone he'd JUST met and didn't even know the name of. He eventually started to settle down again but this time it was more out of exhaustion than anything else as he yawned.

You smiled at him gently and picked him up, carrying him over to his bed and setting him down. Standing next to him. He didn't raise any complaints, complying with your actions. He did after all feel more than just a little bit exhausted. He was about to conk out as you started walk away. But he grabbed your wrist gently. "... Please don't go. I don't. I don't think I could stand to be alone in my bed right now. I know you already did a lot for me. But I don't think I can sleep without you here right now."

You smirked teasingly. "My my Mr. Morningstar. Are you asking me to bed with you? You haven't so much as asked my name." His eyes went wide in panic as he fumbled over his words, trying to explain that that wasn't what he was insinuating at all. Before blushing as he heard you laugh.

Lucifer huffed slightly. "You're just messing with me! But in all seriousness please? And I suppose I should also ask you what your name is." You told him your name, introducing yourself properly and explaining you were hired on as the new front desk attendant.

You cleared your throat after introducing yourself. "But yeah of course.ni'd be happy to help you out here. If you'd just allow me to remove my vest and dress shirt that would make me a lot more comfortable to spend the night here." Lucifer flushed red and nodded before looking away.

The two of you chatted idly as you got yourself more comfortable before he finally looked back over at you as you settled into the bed next to him. His breath catching as he saw your top surgery scars, reaching towards them lightly before putting his hand back down. Deciding against asking about them. Noticing his interest and curiosity in them you answered a silent question. "Top surgery scars. I was biologically female upon arriving in Hell and had them cut off with Angelic Steele so they wouldn't come back after my first 10 years here."

Lucifer nodded in understanding. "Well, I'm glad that you're more comfortable like that. People are prettier when they're comfortable in their own skin." You flushed bright red and distracted the subject. "You were tired right? Why don't we get some sleep. It'll do you some good."

Lucifer blushed again as he made his next request. "Could. Could I hug you again? It felt nice." You smiled at him gently and pulled him up to you for a cuddling hug as you guys were laid down under his covers. He completely relaxed and fell asleep. You following suit not too long after. Besides, what could a couple of hours hurt anyway?

End of Chapter One

Author's Note: Okay! That was the end of my first chapter of 100 Years Coming. Please tell me what you thought of it in the comments!

@dragongeeks

[rikeijo]

Today’s translation #763

Spoon.2Di Toyonaga Toshiyuki's interview

Part 6.

-- But the story moves forward at a very good pace, so it's easy to watch, isn't it?

Toyonaga: That's exactly right! It's not bad at all, that we get so much information to absorb and it's really incredible how the construction of the story makes it so easy for the viewers to follow. Oh, and I really like that scene in episode 3., in which Yuuri visits Minako, late at night the day before Onsen on ICE, and starts practicing with her, because he wants to change the way he performs Eros. I think that it was most likely thanks to Victor that Yuuri, who tends to get depressed when he faces trouble, was able take action this time. It's very nice to be able to observe how Yuuri gets more positive, little by little, and it's all inspired by directly interacting with Victor.

-- Moving on, is there any other character that you like, or you would like to know more about, other than the character that you play?

Toyonaga: I like the Three Skating Nishigori Sisters and Yuuko is so cute - in general, all Hasetsu characters are so warm and lovable, and I love them all so much. And I also like Georgi Popovich, who's voiced by Hatano Wataru-san, a character that will appear later in the story (laugh). He still hasn't appeared in the main story, so I can't give you the details, but well, I simply love the aura that everything in this character exudes, so when he finally appears I want everyone to understand why I love the vibe of this character so much!

[phanfictioncatalogue]

Angst (8) Masterlist

part one, part two, part three, part four, part five, part six, part seven

a night to remember (ao3) - grievingwarwidow

Summary: roxie, who prefers the label exotic performer over stripper, is a star amongst people who are out when the sun goes down. who better for a close-minded phil who has despised what he labels as lowlifes to suddenly obsess over than Roxie himself?

aka the one where phil gets pathetically hung up on dan, better known as roxie and is desperate to get to know him better.

Aftermath (ao3) - firephan311

Summary: What happened during that week in March when Dan abruptly stopped taking his antidepressants.

Angelfish (ao3) - PyroStormIsBae

Summary: musings on phil’s anxiety, self image issues, and new hair + how dan loves him through it all.

(TW) Catch You on the Flipside (ao3) - Amorist (dead_on_the_inside)

Summary: Dan is holding himself together by the seams after running away from a religious cult. He has to ask himself why he keeps going, but deep down, he knows the answer already. It's the same answer it was long before his parents packed up and moved him to a thinly-veiled conversion camp in America—Phil.

Or, my excuse to write self-indulgent angst, because sometimes we need that.

Chips (ao3) - philsmeatylegss

Summary: Dan struggling with the concept that all healthy couples should fight.

Coffee by Chappell Roan (ao3) - danswideslit

Summary: someone on tumblr mentioned needing a dnp fic with the narrative from coffee and I felt inspired because I love that song a whole lot

Comfort in Chaos (ao3) - Anonymous

Summary: Phil wakes to Dan having a nightmare that he struggles to rouse him from. It later transpires that there is a reason behind his unsettled and panicked behaviour.

crushing grief (there is no remedy) (ao3) - shandril

Summary: When Phil comes to get the last of his things, Dan has one more chance to ask him to stay.

Deceit and Devotion (ao3) - Thatonefunhun

Summary: Phil Lester has it all. A successful career doing what he loves, a ���bestie” who's always got his back, and a can-do attitude! He’s living the life! But what goes on beyond the camera? And is everything as it seems…

Falling for You (ao3) - Anonymous

Summary: Dan is at the front door waiting for Phil, eager to get outside so he can put his secret plan in motion when he hears a chilling thud of his partner colliding with the bathroom tiles.

First Love/Late Spring (ao3) - leewritesstuff

Summary: Dan and Phil are a ranch metaphor.

Dan and Phil are the moon and the ocean.

Dan and Phil are first loves.

Phil left in late spring.

frozen in time and space (ao3) - orphan_account

Summary: It’s 3:30 in the morning and Dan hasn’t been able to stop looking.

I Hardly Feel Anything At All (ao3) - BREAD2000yeet

Summary: Dan in a depressive episode spends his night at Phil's apartment to "do laundry" while there he finds what home truly means, some existential stuff, Phil is kinda unaware of depression (so is Dan in this fic, de-nial is a river in egypt) but he still cares

I know you, hands under my sweatshirt (ao3) - midorijpg

Summary: “How are you?”

It's with an undertone of fear that he dares ask that, as always, even if he knows that he’s lucky if Dan even decides to answer. And as he imagines, Dan just tilts his head, looking at him as if lost in thought, swinging the bottle with his hand before just resting it on the floor.

“Make room,” he just says.

“What?”

“I said, make room.”

or, something something about having bad days and growing up and realizing you don't (completely) fit in couches anymore.

I try to picture me without you but I can't (ao3) - solarpower21

Summary: After Dan's tragic death, Phil starts having a bunch of strange dreams where he is still alive. But are they really just dreams?

Or: Phil's soul consciousness can't cope with Dan's death, so he starts hopping between different universes, trying to look for him.

I’ll be the light that you can’t make (ao3) - MANIAvinyl

Summary: There was suddenly a tightness in Phil’s chest, put there by guilt and fear, and he couldn’t find the words to respond. The gravity of Dan’s depression was creeping up on him, like a realization he didn’t want to admit.

Or; Dan is depressed and Phil cant help but feel that the sickness in his best friend is a mystery to them both. Hurt/comfort and angst

It's either bathmat green or agony (ao3) - sunshine_and_storm_clouds

Summary: It was day 34 of Dan being gone on tour, and Phil had only left the house to see his parents or the occasional friend. The breeze from the fan brushed his chilled skin, and he shivered.

----

Phil really, REALLY misses Dan when he's away.

Peach and Lime (ao3) - orphan_account

Summary: Phil doesn't do relationships. And then he meets Dan. He still doesn't do relationships, but he has a fun angst-filled night.

(TW) Perfect (ao3) - Anonymous

Summary: Phil is going to make TATINOF perfect-whatever it takes to get there.

Proxy Requests (ao3) - philsmeatylegss

Summary: A story about poop and fear (unrelated)

Stir Fry (ao3) - ottertrashpalace

Summary: Dan never cooks unless he's feeling guilty. Phil waits.

The Anniversary (ao3) - Anonymous

Summary: It is fifteen years to the day since Dan's suicide attempt, and Phil endeavours to make the day as normal as possible.

The Beeping Penthouse (ao3) - gaydreaming

Summary: Set during the events of How Phil Nearly Died. Dan does his best to take care of Phil after their traumatic day, despite being terrified himself. As is to be expected, things dissolve into softness and silliness rather quickly, until they're both able to feel okay again.

the inherent romance of washing the sheets (ao3) - jonsaremembers

Summary: Laundry is a bit meditative when you know how to do it, Dan reflects as he sprays stain solution on the sheets.

to love somebody the way i love you (ao3) - howell_slide

Summary: Dan and Phil return home from the hospital, and Dan’s Going Through It emotionally.

trade all my tomorrows (ao3) - SylvesterLester

Summary: It's 2014, and Dan Howell is screwing up in life. Fresh off of potentially ruining his just-started acting career with a heavily-memed public freakout, he's ready to hide away for the rest of his life. Until a stranger reaches out, who might not be such a stranger after all.

when i walk in the kitchen, my heart hits the floor (ao3) - aura_sky

Summary: a phivorce fic

based on the Renee Rapp song (In the Kitchen)

or

Dan walks into the kitchen and he misses Phil.

wikihow to stop a divorce (ao3) - ivorycastle

Summary: ❝(...) but then suddenly one day you make a life change, and the flames feel no different..❞

You're Perfect To Me (ao3) - ticklishraspberries

Summary: Dan is feeling insecure about his body, and Phil can’t have that.

[shebeafancyflapjack]

Blind Love (Part 3)

Amazing artwork by @idiotwithanipad , who also inspired me to expand on this tale, thank you as always lovely. 🥰🥰

Robin & Original Characters.

As Rogh starts to regain his sanity, he prepares to say goodbye to his "baby" cub.

"One more try. C'mon." He encourages, watching the little creature lay on his knees; "Deep breath and then 'awoo'!"

The wolf cub poked its nose higher and emitted a slightly longer whine than normal, its miniscule paws padding against Rogh's skin as if trying to stand.

"Aww, so close. Me think she getting it." Rogh said to his companion.

Aelfwyn smiled, "She's definitely trying, bless her. But her lungs aren't going to grow any bigger, anymore than her legs will grow stronger or her eyes will open."

"Ha! No listen to silly Auntie Aelfwyn! We show her she big wrong!" He cooed to the cub, leaning in close to let her lick at his nose and beard. "Yes, you clever girl, you can do anything."

Watching the two of them never failed to melt Aelfwyn's heart. But then she'd always been considered rather soft in her village. Still, she doubted even her brutish parents would have found it difficult to resist being enamoured by the sight of how much this old spirit adored this little orphan wolf.

It also warmed her to see that Rogh showed no negative reaction to her words. Several months ago, when she'd first stumbled into this world with a hole in the back of her head, any assertion to the strange man that the baby in his arms was anything but human would have sent him into a frenzy. But lately the manic episodes had subsided, there was a lot less fevered mumbling and self harm. He met Aelfwyn's eyes like he knew she was there. He laughed, truly laughed.

Perhaps it was the sleep. She'd wondered how long he'd kept himself awake for since discovering the cub and the affect that must have had on his already fragile mind. Now, even though Rogh still insisted on being the primary caregiver, he was less reluctant to hand the cub to Aeflwyn to hold so he could get a few hours of good sleep. Even his night terrors were becoming less frequent.

Not that the man who had become her only friend lately was anything close to normal. He was still prone to mood swings and startled outbursts. But he was playful and cheeky too. So long as they never strayed onto a subject too depressing, he could talk for hours about what he'd witnessed over his years as a spirit. He never ran out of stories and they were what she needed to protect her own sanity.

Snowflakes continued to fall around them, though not a single one landing on their skin. The winter had been harsh so far with a few blizzards, not that it affected them, other than the wind being an annoyance. Now it was starting to ease off, the land covered in a thick white blanket.

"Good we no feel cold. Shame she not able to feel snow." Rogh mused as he set the cub down on the ground, letting her wriggle on her belly and sniff the brisk air; "Me loved playing in snow when little. We build people out of it, give pebbles for eyes and sticks for hands, call them...Men of Snow."

Aelfwyn chuckled; "I miss doing that with my sister when we were really small." Back before they were only allowed out of the hut in Winter to hunt, "And sliding across the lake when it froze over."

"Ghost can still do that. Should do later. Even Kya like me think."

The little thing already slipped most of the time whenever she wasn't being held.

A howl was carried through the air from the other side of the land. The two of them looked over to see a large wolf stood on a hill. At her next howl, Kya began to whine too, as if trying to imitate it again.

"I think we found her a proper teacher." Aelfwyn said, half-heartedly.

But Rogh's smile fell as he looked between the blind cub and the wolf in the distance. He pointed a finger at her.

"You see neck?"

Aelfwyn narrowed her eyes. She had missed it at first, but on closer inspection she spotted a patch of red on the creature's fur, and an arrow sticking out above her shoulder. Yet she walked without so much as a limp.

"Is it...?"

"Dead. Me saw hunters pass by last night. Must have got her...She just have babies. Me took Kya to see."

The apprentice midwife listened to the howls again and heard, deep in the pain filled notes, a mother's mourning.

She dreaded to think what was done with her cubs after they killed the mother. With any luck they were taken to be trained and domesticated. But she knew that was unlikely.

Kya was wriggling in the direction of the adult wolf's cries.

"You don't think...?" Aelfwyn asked.

Rogh was staring at the cub, his expression unreadable. Aelfwyn didn't want to dare to suggest what was the right thing to do. She could see he was already well aware of the dilemma. She wasn't going to push her friend in any direction.

He reached to stroke his finger softly over the cub's head. Kya barely reacted to her "dad's" physical contact, her focus on sensing another of her kind.

"....You don't have to..." Aelfwyn started, seeing the wince of pain in Rogh's tired face; "I don't think that wolf can feed her anymore than you could now she's dead." Spirit bodies didn't seem to work that way as solid ones, though she did find it odd they still had the urge to relieve themselves.

Perhaps any milk offered would turn to dust as well.

"That not point." Rogh said with finality. He'd already made up his mind.

He scooped the cub up in both hands and began walking with purpose over to where the wolf stood.

"Rogh..." Aelfwyn followed at a distance.

Seeing the humans approach, the she-wolf moved into a defensive stance and raised her hackles, tail and ears erect.

Rogh stopped and moved down on one knee, almost reverently. He bowed his head.

Then, carefully, he moved his cupped hands to the ground and opened them. Kya nearly rolled out onto the snow, letting out a mewl of confusion at her new surroundings. Rogh stood up and stepped back, his eyes on the she-wolf.

The great beast relaxed somewhat, those magnificent blue eyes softening, as she observed the tiny motherless cub before her. Rogh took another step back as she padded forward, ears lowering, sniffing at the newborn. Both Aelfwyn and Rogh stood ready to swoop in if she violently rejected it, Aelfwyn's hand at the hilt of her dagger, Rogh's fists clenched. She wondered if her friend was partly hoping there would be no bond formed.

But then the she-wolf licked at the cub's head and nuzzled her. She lay down close enough to bring Kya in close with her paw and guide her to her underside. The little cub sniffed and whined and licked until, at last, she managed to latch on to something. Whether the mother wolf could provide her with any milk or not, she at least had the illusion of being fed and the comfort provided. The cub had never been so quiet while awake, suckling and sniffling as she buried into the wolf's side.

"There we go. It done." Rogh said, blandly, before turning around.

"Wait," Aelfwyn touched his arm; "You're not gonna say goodbye?"

"No."

He shook her off and kept walking.

"But-."

"Rogh no get goodbyes. Never. Come, you wanted to slide on ice, yes? We go now."

He was doing a very poor job of trying to pretend this wasn't tearing hum up inside. Aelfwyn didn't know whether to push or not. If this was his way of coping after having suffered so much loss, then...

With a sigh, she began to follow, before that familiar whimper stopped them in their tracks.

They both turned to see Kya having rolled away from the she-wolf and was wriggling her way in their direction. Her little nose sniffed at Rogh's invisible footprints and followed his pungent trail.

"No. You stay. You have mother now." He said firmly.

The little cub let out a heartwrenching whine as she poked her head up in the direction of his voice. She continued towards him.

Aelfwyn glanced at the she-wolf who remained on its side. With its head tilted, it looked as baffled about what was happening as she felt.

Rogh grunted and picked the cub up and turned her to face the wolf.

"That where you belong! Go! Me no want you anymore!" He began to raise his voice.

"Rogh..." Aelfwyn knew that was far from the truth.

And still the little cub persisted in turning around and pushing herself up in a fruitless attempt to crawl towards the only parent she'd ever known. Another little cry filled the air.

"RRAH! GO AWAY! GO!" Rogh lived up to his name by unleashing a furious roar at the cub, stamping his feet and holding his hands up to look as big and scary as possible.

Finally, the cub stopped and flinched, shaking terribly and crying in fear. Aelfwyn moved to tug Rogh back.

"Enough!" She hissed at him, just as the mother wolf stepped in to pick the cub up in her mouth by the scruff of Kya's neck.

Despite his great show of ferocity, Aelfwyn could see the tears shining in Rogh's eyes.

"I think she got the message. C'mon." She tried to lead the old spirit away.

Rogh was silent, his eyes downcast as Aelfwyn held his arm. He kept rubbing at his shift, as if expecting to find the cub having magically reappeared back beneath his furs. He looked like a man who'd had to rip his own heart out and leave it behind.

"You did a really brave thing just then." She praised, softly.

He grunted; "Why it always have to hurt?"

"Because that's what love does best." She smiled, nudging his side.

Neither of them felt much like skating right now, despite the lake being in great condition, as solid and firm, not that they had to account for their weight. They sat by the bank in silence for a while, listening to the birds and watching the deer creep out towards the meadows.

Aelfwyn silently prayed that a human spirit would join them soon. A new friend for both of them to meet and try to fill the strange gap left by the little wolf baby that had given their afterlife some small purpose each day. With any luck some of her tribe or another would expand to settle here and they'd at least have some livings to watch.

Until then, they had each other, she thought, quietly holding Rogh's fingers in her hand. Keeping each other sane would be their main concern.

A waft of warm air tickled the back of her neck.

Aelfwyn turned to see the she-wolf standing behind them, unfazed by the arrow that remained in her neck, a still wriggling Kya dangling from her mouth.

"Rogh, look." She smiled, tugging his hand.

The ancient man turned just as the wolf placed the cub on the ground and gave a derisive snort at Rogh.

Aelfwyn wasn't the best at reading animals but she was almost certain the bitch was saying "She yours. Wolf not take another mum's cub."

Before Rogh could react to the sight, the wolf turned and ran back into the woods.

Meanwhile, Kya was making her way as fast and awkwardly as possible towards Rogh's boot, sniffing and nuzzling at it, before attempting to climb it.

Aelfwyn grinned; "Think she knows who her real mum is."

Rogh's face creased with emotion before he scooped the cub up and held her before his face.

"Human Kya just as stubborn as you. Get it from me." He grumbled, closing his eyes as she licked the tip of his nose.

Aelfwyn smiled as he brought the little cub back to his chest, tears rolling down his cheeks.

The tiny wolf stretched and then curled into his skin, paw padding below his nape. She was still mewling away, but no longer in confusion or yearning. Her toothless gums flashed as she stretched her jaw for an adorable yawn before settling contently in Rogh's arms for a nap.

"She looks at home to me." Commeted Aelfwyn.

Rogh nodded in agreement, sniffling.

Somewhere in the distance, deep in the woods, a howl echoed across the land.

Before she could fall asleep, little Kya raised her nose above Rogh's furs and let out the smallest "awoo" sound in response. A greeting? A thank you? Just basic mimicking? It didn't matter. It was her first little howl.

"Ha! Told you!" Rogh grinned at Aelfwyn, who held her hands up, ready to admit when she was wrong.

[blazescompendium]

Shin Megami Tensei and social commentary

Twitter sure is a weird place

So, yesterday i was reading the tweets from Larrue, which is a great content creator if you don't know. And some fans, including me, engaged in a debate over the idea that, according to one specific person in that thead, Shin Megami Tensei ''isn't about politics'' and ''westerns have projected their frustration with politics into the series.'' I absolutely did not know that someone could think this way about a series that grounds itself in social commentary.

I have played SMT Strange Journey during one of the worst times of my society. 2020-2021 we were being ravaged by the Covid-19 pandemics (Please note that more than 600 thousand Brazilians lost their lifes during this crisis, in part due to terrible management of the government.) and environmental destruction lead by a party of completely evil people.

I remember one particular weekend, where a pretty important and big national park caught fire. The way i found out about the forest fire was because, when i got out of my apartment to take out the trash (the only time i got out during pandemics, honestly) and i found a neighbor looking to the sky in chock, when i looked up as well what i saw was a rain of ashes, like someone just exploded a paper truck above us. The ashes were being scattered everywhere, and the air was heavy. When i got up and turned the news up, i just found out the worst forest fire in my city was taking place.

(Do not mistake this for the Amazon Rainforest fires of the late 2010s. My city is very far away from there, but i think the point is still the same and could absolutely be applied there as well.)

The media outlets were hard to watch during this time, because the continuously increasing Covid body count won't stop, while the big capital guys pushed us, the poor, to work at the streets and put our lives at risk. At the same time, the news of the destruction the fire caused were horrifying. Tons of wildlife was burning and the State and people in power did nothing to help. We could not help, because our own lives were in risk.

I recall seeing reports of firefighters claiming to be following the screams of wild animals being burned alive, while trying to save what they could, but in the end it was not enough. 80% of the forest went down that weekend, and with it almost everything that was alive there as well. The reason for this? Someone lit up a Lantern inside the park, which is illegal by the way. This was when it sank to me, the stupidity of the Human being to destroy something so precious, for this little. How can even someone sleep at night with such a burden in their consciousness?

At the time i fell to a violent depressive episode because of all that was happening around me. And the reason for me to bring this all, is because i was actually playing Shin Megami Tensei: Strange Journey for the first time, during this event. I was exactly at the Horkos chapter, where the crew of our spaceship arrive inside a level of the mysterious Scharzwelt that looks like a Shopping Center. This level symbolized the greed and consumerism of the Human Race during the late stage capitalism. Its boss being Horkos, a demon that is hellbent in consuming everything, every time.

Horkos here is the greek counterpart of Orcus, the roman god of death. This particular deity is violent, and will consume enemy troups and cause havoc. (I can go deeper if i ever do a Compendium Entry of this one) It is also depicted during medieval times as the probable inspiration of the Orcs, which is the reason they both share similar designs in Megaten.

This glutton evil god is born out of the Human nature to consume and spread without limit, destroying and ravaging the planet as they do so. This point is brought many times during the plot.

The reason i am connecting this all together, is because when i was playing, i felt that the criticism got so close home, i contemplated stopping playing, thinking that i was not with the right mind to do so. I continued though.

Strange Journey does not stop right there. Each level of the Scharzwelt has one more criticism to Human society, it goes from war, to capitalism, to enviromental destruction, and its a great journey on what is about to be Human. So much so, that i felt it so close home, it made me feel kinda bad. I mean, it was hitting very close home, during that time. Every week the news made me feel like i was going a level deeper inside the Scharzwelt.

So, i am sure the game where a gluttonous evil god is born out of Humanity's late stage capitalism and we feel the rage of gods for destroying our planet has absolutely no social commentary whatsoever, and any politics in it was purely inserted by us, the players. Yeah, i am absolutely positive about that huh!?

In the end, it is indeed just a video game. It is as deep as it can be, but this don't stop the medium to convey such strong messages and criticism of Human Society. I am not even going into what Atlus staff say about the matter here (Which do back up this argument) , because i wanted to make this as personal as possible, so maybe when you think about this, you can insert yourself in the shoes as someone experiencing Human society in a personal view. Which, in truth is all what politics is about. See? Hah, got you Twitter anon.

Politics is not what the left want to discuss, and has nothing to do with projecting societal problems into neutral stuff. Politics is the science behind human behavior in society, and thus every work that touches this, ended up being political. I am sorry to be the one to bring this to you, anon from twitter.

To see people swearing SMT doesn't has a social commentary, it's just baffling to me because I felt it so strongly in this entry, that i almost stop playing it for a while because I was depressed on how much of it was true.

Not entirely related, but very interesting quote in Nocturne

[httpsserene-main]

ephemeral (bang chan)

developer notes ☽: inspired by my ig for you page being bang chan bf edits...i did not ask to be depressed because i can't find a man suitable for my standards :) fuck u christopher for being so fine tonight

soundtrack☽: birdie - kota the friend

notifications☽: 818 words, fluff, not proofread, gnl!reader

"time is our only dilemma"

a warm yellow-toned ambient glow is cast within the bathroom from a small desk lamp that you’ve commandeered as a substitution to the harsh fluorescents of the room’s installed lights. a small bluetooth speaker rests on the countertop next to the lamp on its third to last volume setting cycling through a random spotify playlist you’ve selected. it’s probably one out of the hundreds of comfort character playlists you’d never tell a soul that you listen too.

but, you realize that chan’s most likely seen the embarrassing and unending list of the cutesy-fictional catered playlists you’ve become obsessed with in the previous weeks as he’s logged in to your spotify account on his phone. a few months ago, you discovered a new playlist hiding within your massive library that you didn’t add or create, entitled “songs i listen to remind me of you.” that was at the front of your recently played, the cover photo being a picture of you asleep on the couch in chan’s studio (a photo chan’s never shown you). when you clicked to investigate further, you were shocked to see the playlist filled with over a hundred songs, and a description filled to the word limit. tears filled your eyes as you read the romantic note chan had left for you to see, and you listened to the whole playlist while cleaning your entire apartment. there wasn’t a single moment that the heat left your flustered cheeks or the sweet smile left your face. and when you met with your boyfriend in person, you certain that he was blushing underneath his mask when you alerted him of your findings, and he revealed that he was going to surprise you with your specially curated mixtape on your next visit to his studio. 

when you asked why he was giving you such a sweet gift so randomly, his answer came without hesitation. chan said, “there doesn’t need to be a reason for me to express my love for you. of course this gift is meaningful enough for valentine’s day, or an anniversary, or your birthday, but any day i have with you is enough for me to treat you like the love of my life.”

and after a revelation like that, how could you remember the embarrassing fanfic-esque playlists you had downloaded to your phone? they literally don’t matter anymore, not when you have a whole dime piece, respectful, sexy, intelligent, thoughtful-ass christopher bang chan confessing his undying love for you.

that’s all to say that you probably should’ve selected that mixtape to play through tonight, but it’s too late to change that fact, as you would hate to disturb the bubble of space you’ve created in the bathroom to retrieve your phone from the bedroom. and to interrupt the peaceful bath you and chan are enjoying. it’s a rare night that chan was able to join you in your apartment instead of you going to his dorm to see him, and the night is made more precious at the fact that he fought his workaholic tendencies to join you earlier in the evening around seven pm rather than his usual appearance past midnight. and a spontaneous date night was suddenly underway; you and chan cooked dinner together made from the dregs of ingredients in your sparse fridge (grocery day is tomorrow), made progress on cleaning up your animal crossing island together, and even got a few episodes into a short anime you wanted to watch with him. a bath was the only reasonable option to end the cozy date night you both started.

the water is probably half-an-hour away from transitioning from warm to lukewarm, and the bubbles are starting to become sparse. you’re nestled in between his legs, back pressed against his muscled-pillowy chest, head resting aside one of his shoulders to avoid smushing shower cap against his face. chan’s head is propped on the shower tiles, his neck elongated and your fascinated with the view of his adam’s apple bobbing and throat swallowing as he speaks softly to you. his eyes are shut, but he opens them every time you speak to him, seeping with the adoration he has for you. his hands rest on your waist underneath the water, and every so often he squeezes you lighty, and traces patterns on your skin he only knows. eventually you two find yourself running out of things to talk about, but the silence that follows isn’t uncomfortable. you gladly allow your eyes to flutter closed, and chan begins humming softly; both of you are well aware that you should wrap up the bath, as you both still have early starts tomorrow morning, or rather–this morning.

moments like these are few and far for a man of chan’s lifestyle, and neither of you are going to be the one to cut it short. while this scene is ephemeral, that does not mean it is insignificant.

much love, <3 kirby !!!

© killakirby - piracy and plagiarism are not allowed. no reposts on any form of media

[kagi123]

S1e03: The episode that inspired the infamous makeover --like betty looked really good in my opinion maybe the hair was a bit much but she was so confident I loved that for her 🥹💜💜💜. Is it safe to theorize that the late nights they spent working ignited something between them. More so with daniel though as he felt he could share his dads trauma with betty like who does that with their assistance, which is why when he said "they smile a little brigheter when they enter the room" I thought he meant betty my delulu sorry--he was just talking about his dads favouritism I realise.

Maybe I don't get it why would marc wanting to make betty a screenshot on his phone not make me assume he finds her attractive like I don't understand how am I supposed to percieve it as mean. Especially with her beautiful smile

--not daniels finest episode, sees betty and is like she should call for a table at the back at the restuarant they were going to😑😑. Still pissed but when daniel looks at betty when they are presenting infront of his dad and his dad says he doesn't know what his doing it's like looking at betty give him confidence that if she believes in this then why shouldn't I stand up to my dad. Daniel sure does have his low moments and good moments I'll say that. Hated Whilemina for how she treated betty here (but her moment with her dad😓😓) and he did try to to defend betty and checked up on her in the female bathroom which could is the bare minimum but no boss does the things daniel has done on behalf of betty as his assitant or i could be wrong. Although again he has his moments because he didn't try to persaude betty to go to the dinner she planned and wouldn't have happened without her. Let's her be replaced by amanda (couldn't he say to vincent betty wasn't feeling well but I understand also not trying to upstage a client) it's very iffy. But then he upstages the whole date, also mind you he was literally drinking as if he was depressed of her not being there And that's why he proudly fetches her ,has her up close to him and everything like I'm not ashamed of her and really shows how they were growing together. He apologizes for everything when they get to the office and just is so vunerable to her about Whilemina and her dad and like he said at the date the he got caught up in some stupid image. Also he was so work husband "i give you bettys word" this men is insane he let betty run that company basically. Like the way he lights up his world is crazy his reaction to bettys shut up (he loved that girl ) and the saying cojones with that smirks sir ur feelings are showing.

S1e04: Boo walter👎🏽👎🏽👎🏽 his so annoying like he some how didn't want betty to prosper in life. But on the plus side justin and marc friendship starts in this episode --and the start of the trio that is betty marc and amanda so cute they had each others backs. Daniel and betty having a secret together 🥹🥹. I love the parrlells of Whilemina and betty and feym her trying to honour her Memory even though she wasn't the greatest boss to her I think that's wholesome she suggested that.

He's INSANE sir she is ur Assitance ,like what are u talking about. Betty coming all lovey dovey with "heres ur dinner must be starving " like something about her doing her job has so much love ---the undertones. "You worker hard today" in a soft tone. And everything after that has me kicking and giggling. The vunerable moments between between them is just so wholesome so the musical box mystery is addressed and one thing a white cishet men will do is cause trauma. I love their eye contact "just be careful what you say" . I know this is the building of their friendship but their chemistry is just way to good for me to ever see them that way and this early too ,like if anything the friendship they were building was between betty and marc/Whilemina. The eye contact 😭😭 like not him repeating what he said early as if to reassure her to make sure she understands that she is important to him that she could do no wrong in his eyes , she'd burn down some magazine and he'd try and find a way to defend her. This level of care he had for her is crazy like whaaa.

[mbti-notes]

Anon wrote: Hi, thank you so much for sharing your knowledge here, your work is truly a gift in providing reliable reference to study MBTI. I need help with typing my personality. I am a 29 y.o female, I was diagnosed with anxiety and had depressive episodes. My guess is I am an Ni-dom, I relate more with Fi-Te axis so I’m considering INTJ, but also INFJ because I don’t fully believe I am a thinking type.

For Ni dom and Se inferior (for INTJ and INFJ): I seek explanation for patterns that I see like noticing if the traffic is emptier than usual during a public holiday, then thinking maybe it’s because people are celebrating at home, or people celebrated last night until late. Then such observation informs my future planning i.e. “last year, people celebrated at home so the traffic might be empty during that public holiday and we should schedule a day out”.

Ni-Se is shown in how I often live based on “how things should be”, like following a tested routine that would ideally save time and money but gives me stress and discomfort, and I didn’t allow myself to spend money required to side-step inconveniences that suddenly happen outside of that routine because it doesn’t feel right. I postpone going outside unless all the conditions are met, like leaving at the intended time, have learned the route, and have planned what to do there.

Te-aux and Fi tert (for INTJ): For important project, I want to ensure there is high probability of success by searching for evidence like when applying for scholarship, I searched resumes of past awardees to model a situation i.e. “If I have A, B and C happen, there are higher chances of getting the scholarship. I haven’t found evidence where someone had those three and didn’t get it”, then look what factors I’m lacking and where to get it. In a leadership position, I want everyone to be engaged in the project, but if someone is being irrational, I believe it’s best to go with what gives best outcome because people will come around once they see good result.

I relate to Fi because I use my past experience as a way to relate to others, like often saying “If I were you…” or “I would do that too” which could point toward Fi. Tert Fi also made me criticize myself, like if I have an episode of uncontrolled emotion or if I have made another friend hate me, I would just say “Well, that’s just who you are, a person who have difficulty controlling your anger and bad at socializing".

Past loop behaviour (Ni-Fi but could be Ni-Ti): In high school, I was in science olympics, met people smarter than me, and started to fail more often. I also admired a guy (maybe INTP) because his intelligence comes from genuine interest in knowledge. So I rationalized my failure was because I chased external goals and because I wasn’t genuine enough like the INTP guy, then blamed my parents for giving pressure to achieve things (faulty conclusion), and started hating people who are ambitious or who follow the rules. I was inspired by some of the athletes which made me missed pursuing something competitively, so I decided to be competent in my chosen field starting by having good grades.

Fe-aux and Ti tert (for INFJ): I don’t fully relate with INTJ because I laugh a lot and smile a lot in a large group conversation, especially if I feel the need to impress that group, which I don’t see in the INTJs I knew. When talking to people, I search for topics that would will make it a good conversation (things that will encite strong emotions in them, or talk about their goal, or my goal, it should be a balanced exchange). I often assume what people are thinking, like “This person seems happier when talking to person A than when with me, maybe because I dissociated too much before so our connection was not as strong”. When watching movies, I am often interested in the characters’ motives and how they make decisions, and how the world responds to such characters.

My Fe could be unhealthy because I judge people quickly in a negative direction without having the patience to keep a neutral position to investigate first. My interaction with people ended up making me feel annoyed often because I focused on the bad qualities in people, like people using MBTI superficially to feel superior or people hating for the sake of hating other groups (could be Ni-Ti). I hope I give clear enough details on the function, and thank you again for helping me with this typing

----------------------

The submission instructions state that you must respond to all the points in the guide for every function you are examining. It appears you haven't used the guide properly, so your description is lacking in detail. You have given me the info you believe is relevant rather than giving me specifically what I asked for. This means I can't do a full analysis. There's enough for me to conclude that INTJ is unlikely, but not enough to confidently confirm that INFJ is the correct type.

[justinsentertainmentcorner]

Charles J. Gans at AP News:

NEW YORK (AP) — Tony Bennett, the eminent and timeless stylist whose devotion to classic American songs and knack for creating new standards such as “I Left My Heart In San Francisco” graced a decadeslong career that brought him admirers from Frank Sinatra to Lady Gaga, died Friday. He was 96, just two weeks short of his birthday. Publicist Sylvia Weiner confirmed Bennett’s death to The Associated Press, saying he died in his hometown of New York. There was no specific cause, but Bennett had been diagnosed with Alzheimer’s disease in 2016. The last of the great saloon singers of the mid-20th century, Bennett often said his lifelong ambition was to create “a hit catalog rather than hit records.” He released more than 70 albums, bringing him 19 competitive Grammys — all but two after he reached his 60s — and enjoyed deep and lasting affection from fans and fellow artists. [...]

He not only survived the rise of rock music but endured so long and so well that he gained new fans and collaborators, some young enough to be his grandchildren. In 2014, at age 88, Bennett broke his own record as the oldest living performer with a No. 1 album on the Billboard 200 chart for “Cheek to Cheek,” his duets project with Lady Gaga. Three years earlier, he topped the charts with “Duets II,” featuring such contemporary stars as Gaga, Carrie Underwood and Amy Winehouse, in her last studio recording. His rapport with Winehouse was captured in the Oscar-nominated documentary “Amy,” which showed Bennett patiently encouraging the insecure young singer through a performance of “Body and Soul.” His final album, the 2021 release “Love for Sale,” featured duets with Lady Gaga on the title track, “Night and Day” and other Porter songs. For Bennett, one of the few performers to move easily between pop and jazz, such collaborations were part of his crusade to expose new audiences to what he called the Great American Songbook. [...]

By his early 40s, he was seemingly out of fashion. But after turning 60, an age when even the most popular artists often settle for just pleasing their older fans, Bennett and his son and manager, Danny, found creative ways to market the singer to the MTV Generation. He made guest appearances on “Late Night with David Letterman” and became a celebrity guest artist on “The Simpsons.” He wore a black T-shirt and sunglasses as a presenter with the Red Hot Chili Peppers at the 1993 MTV Music Video Awards, and his own video of “Steppin’ Out With My Baby” from his Grammy-winning Fred Astaire tribute album ended up on MTV’s hip “Buzz Bin.” That led to an offer in 1994 to do an episode of “MTV Unplugged” with special guests Elvis Costello and k.d. lang. The evening’s performance resulted in the album, “Tony Bennett: MTV Unplugged,” which won two Grammys, including album of the year.

[...] Long associated with San Francisco, Bennett would note that his true home was Astoria, the working-class community in the New York City borough of Queens, where he grew up during the Great Depression. The singer chose his old neighborhood as the site for the “Fame”-style public high school, the Frank Sinatra School of the Arts, that he and his third wife, Susan Crow Benedetto, a former teacher, helped found in 2001. The school is not far from the birthplace of the man who was once Anthony Dominick Benedetto. His father was an Italian immigrant who inspired his love of singing, but he died when Anthony was 10. Bennett credited his mother, Anna, with teaching him a valuable lesson as he watched her working at home, supporting her three children as a seamstress doing piecework after his father died.

Musician Tony Bennett died at 96. Bennett collaborated with Lady Gaga very late in his career to make him relevant to younger audiences. #RIPTonyBennett