#inspired by Moral of the Story by Ashe

[ananimice]

Thinking about something set in the 1920-1940ish range, Ryan finding an obscure corner club and becoming enraptured by the tall sultry woman that sings most nights. She has a more angular face than he's seen on a woman, and her hair is carefully styled into a curled pixie cut, a fascinator ever present and ever changing depending on the dress she wears. Her wardrobe seems endless, as Ryan never sees her in the same dress twice.

One day, he finally gets the courage to wait out back of the club for her to come out, but she never does. Instead, out comes an equally tall man with the same sloping facial features. His hair is unstyled, hanging shaggy around his ears and neck. Ryan's stomach flips, though, as those deep brown eyes connect with his and he immediately knows it's Her.

Shane moonlights as a female impersonator named Shae, singing beautiful melodies and wearing outfits he'd never allowed himself to enjoy before. The club was made for people like him, though, those that shattered social norms. It was his home away from home, away from the fiancée his parents had lined him up with, away from inheriting the family business and all it's problems. Being Shae allowed him to escape, even if it was just at night.

Instead of running away, Ryan stays, fascinated. Shane fears him at first, thinking he'll tell his secret to the world or worse. But Ryan gives him a gentle smile. He reaches a hand out, introduces himself properly. Shane shakes it, offering his name in return.

And that's the beginning of a love story for the ages.

[tightjeansjavi]

Jail Bird | Joel Miller x smuggler/raider f! reader

A/N: I got inspired by listening to the song “Stay” by Rihanna when I was driving home from Kentucky, and this was the result of it 🫠 you’re either gonna love, or hate the reader in this one.

~word count: 5.9k~

Summary: your relationship with Joel has always been easy up until the point that you make the conscious decision to leave him, and the QZ behind. Years later and you meet again, under violent circumstances.

Warnings: angst, unrequited love, pining, stalking (if you squint) borderline possessive/obsessive behavior, smut (described but not as the main focal point of the story) conning, emotional manipulation, the reader is morally gray and you’ll either love them or hate them, actions on the base of survival, implied consent, unprotected p in v, oral (f receiving) violence (undescribed but marked) possessive! Joel, vulnerable! Joel, protective! Joel, dark! Joel (if you squint) Joel is a hopeless romantic, manhandling, threats, use of firearms, smoking, +18 minors dni!

Jail Bird: ‘a person who is or has been in prison’

Your relationship with Joel Miller, your partner in crime, was as easy as sliced pie. The syrupy sticky sweet warm filling with melted vanilla ice cream drooling down the crust. Joel Miller, however, was anything but sweet. He tasted of smoky bourbon and life-long indescribable grief. Fluttering ashes, tongues tied, teeth clashing. His hands; sculpted by Greek gods in a meticulous manner. Strong, veiny, calloused yet soft. Joel Miller was a perfectly wrapped package with an ash stained bow. A dangerous combination of brooding, pining, and lust. Your partnership consisted of smuggling, sharing rations, and fucking. Joel was a man who knew how to fuck. The first time he took you was in a back alley in the QZ. The air was balmy and ridden with suspense. He caught you sneaking through the shadows past curfew to make a few back door deals with some FEDRA soldiers. A blow job for a trade of a handsome stack of ration cards? No biggie. He never felt jealousy course through his veins till he saw you sink to your knees on command.

Even with the lack of lighting, sans the pale moonlight shimmering above, Joel saw the doe like innocence in your eyes as he peeked his head around the corner. It felt wrong to watch. It weighed heavy like cement around his bones. Filth and sin dripped through his grime stained pores. He had been watching you for a while. You were a new resident to the QZ, a pretty thing that knew her way around the rules like they never even existed to you. He liked that about you. He liked that you were brash, that you outsmarted every lonesome fuck that crossed your path. So he’d observe you from a distance, catching your keen eye every now and then. It turned into an obsession for him and now the last shroud of little morals he possessed, were completely shredded as he palmed himself through his painfully tight jeans. Cursing under his breath as he tried to provide any form of relief to his aching cock. His head tilted back against the brick wall, lower lip taken harshly between his teeth as he took another risky peek around the corner.

You knew Joel was watching you. You caught his familiar, ruggedly handsome features appear from around the corner. How long he had been watching you did not matter. Your cunt ached for him just as much as his cock weeped for you. You had been observing him the day you arrived at the QZ, and you found yourself yearning for his rough caress.

Your eyes stayed locked on the spot behind the wall where Joel was pressed against as you pleasured the FEDRA soldier who lasted all of 30 seconds before he was spilling his filth down your throat and tossing ration cards at your knees. The stray dribble of cum was wiped from your lips with the tip of your thumb as you gathered up the ration cards and shoved them into your pockets as you rose to your feet. You pulled out a freshly rolled cigarette, bringing the tip to your lips as you lit the other end with an old lighter. Your features were illuminated by the warm glow of the flame as you lit the death stick and deeply inhaled. “You can come out from your hiding spot, Joel Miller. I know it’s you behind the wall. Don’t be shy.” Your head tilted to the side as you took another long drag.

Joel sauntered from behind the wall. His tall frame was brooding under the soft glow of the moon. His boots crunched heavily under rubble as he approached. Thunder lowly rumbled in the far distance as a warm breeze kissed your skin. The comforting glow of the moon was casted over in darkness of thick moving clouds as cooling droplets of water began to free fall from the heavens. The pavement was stained in dampness as the sky grumbled above. Bleach-burn hot flashes of lightning illuminated the jet black sky and illuminated Joel’s features in a blink of an eye. The rain didn’t deter him as he stopped a foot from where you stood. His gaze on you burned as brightly as the lit end of your cigarette pursed between your lips.

“You know, you’re worth a hell of a lot more than a blowjob in a back alleyway. How long did the fucker even last? 30 whole fuckin’ seconds?” He was leaning over you now, forearm resting along your head and you could feel the electricity and heat radiating from his body.

“Do you always watch women give blow jobs to FEDRA soldiers in back alleys? Or is this just a new hobby that you have suddenly developed?” You were casual with your question, a smirk playing on your lips as you lightly blew the hazardous smoke off to the side.

“No. You’re the first, darlin.’ It’s filthy of me, I am aware. Bet you liked it though huh? Bet you liked the idea of some dirty old man watching you get down on your knees prettily like that. You don’t seem like the type of gal to beat around the bush. Storms rollin’ in..wanna see if we can give the thunder a run for its money, sugar?” Joel wasn’t one to beat around the bush either and you appreciated a man that knew exactly what he wanted. Joel Miller was exactly what you needed to satiate your desires.

“You want to fuck me Mr. Miller?” You purred, flicking what was left of your cigarette to the ground, listening to the light hiss the extinguished flame gave when a stray rain drop fell upon it.

You felt his lips dip down to the shell of your ear, teeth scraping along the sensitive skin as he whispered, “wanna destroy you in the best fuckin’ way possible. Wanna ruin your sweet cunt. Been s’long for me, n’you’re so fuckin’ pretty, it hurts. Let me take care of ya, and I promise you won’t have to get on your knees for another FEDRA fuck again.” He pressed an open mouth kiss against the spot where your ear met your jaw, licking a hot stripe down your throat with a heavy warm breath.

“Is that a promise you can keep?” You whispered through the steady rainfall, eyes fluttering shut, lips parting.

“I don’t do promises, baby.” He rasped as his strong hands found purchase around your waist, pulling you flush against his chest. “I only fuck. Ain’t gonna find any love from me. Don’t go and lookin�� for it.”

“I don’t do love either. It’s lost all significant meaning for me. I’m just looking for a good consistent fuck, and the means to survive.” You grasped the back of his neck in one swift movement, yanking his head up so you could crash your lips against his in a heated, tongue filled, teeth clashing kiss.

“Well, you’ve come to the right place, doll. You’re mine now.” He mumbled against your swollen lips as he popped the button along your jeans and shoved his hand between the tight fabric and your soaked through panties.

“Yours.” You gasped longingly as his broad fingers teased your sticky, slick folds, gathering up your pooling arousal that oozed just for him.

The pounding rain soaked through your clothes as your thighs were wrapped tightly around Joel Miller’s hips. He was buried to the hilt inside of you as he slammed into you in a rhythmic pattern. The wind howled wildly as thunder cracked dangerously above. His hips would snap forward into you each time the thunder cracked ferociously. You and Joel were like two feral animals, clawing, biting, and moaning through the ever-growing violent tempest.

Your need for one another had grown carnal. Your bodies were constantly drawn to one another, like moth to flame. You spent more time in his apartment on the other side of the QZ than your own. He fucked you into a peaceful slumber everytime. Sometimes he’d fall asleep inside of you when he’d grown exhausted. “G’nna keep you full of my cock all fuckin’ night.” He’d whispered against your sex stained skin as his arm wrapped firmly around your waist.

You’d slip out of his steel grip before the sun would kiss the budding horizon. Sleeping over at Joel’s felt too personal, and you did it for yours and his own good. Of course, it didn’t go unnoticed. He’d confront you about it each time you’d accompany him on a smuggling run. “Why’d you leave in’sucha hurrry? Think I’m ugly or somethin?’” He’d casually ask as he walked alongside you.

“We both agreed to do no sleepovers, Joel.” Was always your reply. It was like clockwork.

“Fuck our stupid rules. I want to wake up to that pretty little cunt squeezing my cock. You gonna deny me that? C’mon. One sleepover won’t kill ya. I like havin’ you in my bed darlin.’” He nudged you against a nearby tree as the early morning birds chirped along the swaying branches.

“Fine. One sleepover.” You grasped him firmly through the tight confines of his jeans as he hissed under his breath. “Just one, baby. I swear on my filthy, lust ridden heart.” He affirmed.

One sleepover turned into five, and five to a dozen, till neither of you could keep track. It’s as if Joel had made a home inside of your flesh where he refused to depart. He built a door between your sternum; strong and sturdy. On either side of your sumptuous breasts laid two crafted windows. Your heart is where his bed laid where he secretly wished he could inhabit there for the rest of his dying days.

You had grown accustomed to the old metal bed frame striking the crumbling wallpaper fiercely. The old creak and groan of the bed springs creating a rhythmic tune in sync with your sweat slick bodies colliding over, and over again. Joel took you in any position imaginable between those 4 cramped walls. He grew fond of the way you’d ride him slowly where he had the pleasure to watch the way your warm walls hugged his cock with each roll and rise of your hips. He reveled in the erotic sight of your cum mixing with his own, like your own personal watercolor painting between your connected bodies. He reveled in smearing your skin with his release, using his fingers as a paintbrush as he streaked your skin in his filth.

When he learned that you were incapable of having children, he’d press his cum back into your tight hole with glint in his darkened eyes as he used his tongue to push his cum further inside of you, humming at the taste. “Gotta keep all of that inside of ya, sweet girl. Love knowin’ I can fill ya up like this. Don’t want any drops to leak out of this cunt. Wanna keep you stained in my cum forever.” He’d kiss your clit lovingly, tenderly with a light flick of his wet muscle. His words were nothing short of filthy. Any existing priest in this shit-hole would proclaim that you and Joel were children of satan for the debauchery that you both willingly partook in.

You liked it that way.

On the evening you made the conscious decision to leave Joel, and the QZ forever. The weather was stormy, just like the night you had first officially met. The rain pounded furiously against the grime stained windows. The tattered curtains casted shadows along the peeling floral wallpaper. Bright hot flashes of lightning illuminated the room you inhabited for what felt like centuries in fluorescent white. Your thighs were deliciously squeezing either side of Joel’s head as his face was buried deeply into your ruined cunt for the fifth time that evening. His tongue worked you in practiced strokes. His hunger for you was that of a ravenous beast that hadn’t experienced the taste of a woman along his tongue in years. He lapped at you like a man starved as if your cunt was that of the holy grail, sweet and life-curing. His hands acted as anchors around your hips, holding you pliant with little strength needed, eyes blissfully closed as he drank and lapped every last drop you could possess for him. Always so willing, always so needy, always such a good, good, girl for him. Only for him.

When he finally detached his mouth from your swollen clit, he looked up at you, grinning like a devil. His beard and chin were freshly coated in your slick that glistened under the bright flashes of lightning. His lips were wet, and appeared like two dew kissed cherries, scarlet and kissable. He rested his cheek along the inside of your sweat thick thigh as he caught his breath, chest rising and falling as he gazed up at you through thick lashes. He pressed an open mouth kiss as his beard scratched your skin gently. He was in love, and yet you had no idea. Or, maybe you knew all along. Maybe you loved him too. Maybe, just maybe. “Do you think maybe we can just stay here forever?..I’ll greet ya with a kiss every mornin.’ We could just stay between these walls and no one would have to know.” He pressed a feather light kiss to your hip bone. “Just you and me, and this sweet cunt. Never have I tasted something so sweet.”

Your fingers found purchase through his sweaty tendrils, twisting them between your digits with a content sigh. “I’m leaving the QZ, Joel. I can’t stay here any longer.” The confession flitted past your lips with a heavy sigh to shortly follow.

He chuckled, the sound vibrated up his chest and through his throat that was coated in your taste like cough syrup. “What do you mean you’re leavin’ the QZ? Don’t be ridiculous, darlin.’ Everywhere behind these fuckin’ walls is a shithole. There ain’t anythin’ good out there. I can’t fuckin’ protect you past those gates.” Another kiss was left along your abdomen.

“I never asked for, nor needed your protection, Joel. I’m perfectly capable on my own. You have to let me go. This has gone on far too long, and it’s for our own good.”

He scoffed as his lips continued to kiss their way up your body. Stopping at every freckle, every scar, every blemish. He traced them gently. “Let you go? How the fuck do you expect me to do that when I’ve learned, and know every fuckin’ inch of ya. Is it really for our own good? Or just yours? Don’t lie to me.” He nipped at the spot just below your ribcage, and your immediate reaction was to arch up closer to his touch. You always felt magnetized to him.

“You and I both know that it’s better off this way. What we had was good, and I have no regrets, but we broke every fuckin’ rule we put in place, Joel. It’ll hurt for a while, but the pain will reside and you’ll forget all about me.”

He was on his knees now, yanking you down by your ankles so you were beneath him. “Don’t fuckin’ tell me how I’ll feel. You know how fuckin’ long it’s takin’ me to finally open myself to someone again? You think you can just leave and suddenly one day I’ll stop thinkin’ about you? You’re fuckin’ out of your goddamn mind if you think that to be true.” The tip of his cock was nudged against your entrance, dragging through your slick folds that parted open for him like a canyon. He pressed himself into your tight wet hole, groaning softly at the feeling of your cunt hugging him already. “Put your thighs up against your chest fo’me.” He gritted out between clenched teeth.

Your thighs moved on command as you brought them up to your chest, bending yourself in half like a folding table as the weight of his own broad chest pushed your back further into the old mattress. “Joel, please.” You mewled. “You have to let me go. You have to.”

“Stop. Tellin’. Me. What. I. Have. To. Do.” He enunciated each symbol in a borderline patronizing way. He sunk further, and further into your warm abyss. Your pussy hugged him tighter and tighter till he had bottomed out. Sweaty strands of curls draped across his forehead like curtains as he snapped his hips forward in an aggressive manner. “You wanna leave me so bad, baby? After everythin’ I have done for you? Everythin’ I have given you? Shelter, food in your belly and a cock that knows how to fuck you stupid? You ain’t goin’ anywhere. I’ll just have to follow you. Care about you too fuckin’ much to just let you leave me like that.”

The old springs in the mattress squeaked with each one of his heavy thrusts. Your eyes rolled back as his tip pressed firmly against your cervix, eliciting stars to be casted behind your eyes. He fucked into you at an impossibly deep angle, his heavy balls hung between his thighs and slapped against your skin with every snap of his hips. “Joel, please.” You pleaded with him between moans.

“Please what, baby? Please fuck you stupid till you forget all about wantin’ to leave me? You’re not the same until you’ve had a well deserved fuck. I’m the only fuckin’ man that can give it to ya. Take it like the good fuckin’ girl that you are fo’me. Your pretty ‘lil fuckin’ pussy is huggin’ my cock so perfectly. S’like she was made ‘jus fo’me.” He was kissing you now, all teeth and tongue to shut you up. You protested words that fell muffled against his addictive lips as he fucked you the way he knew best. Always making sure you felt filled, stretched to your limits, and on cloud nine by the end of it. He always took care of you afterwards. Gently wiping between your thighs, bathing you under a warm stream with the tenderest of touches. Joel Miller loved you, and that’s exactly why you had to leave him.

He kept you anchored against his naked chest all night. Notched together like two puzzle pieces. At the strike of morning, with the soft beams of light trickling in through the wispy curtains, prying yourself from his satiating grasp. If you stayed in his warm embrace any longer, your heart would cave and you’d never leave. Without even delivering a proper goodbye, you left his apartment without looking back. You kept pushing yourself further and further from Joel, from the QZ till it was just a mere speck in the distance.

Joel drove himself mad on his search to find where you went. His anger shrouded his hurt as he scoured the QZ for any sign of your existence. He checked alleyways, the abandoned mall, your own apartment. He tore through your things in a fury, tears burning his vision as he ripped through your belongings like a predator rips apart its prey. No signs. No hidden clues for him to find where you ran off to. He inspected mutilated faces of the infected, praying that none of the once living would resemble you. None of them did. He gave up his search when he and Tess were forced to take a teenage girl across the country to the fireflies. Tess perished and soon it was just Joel and the kid. He never stopped thinking of you, of course. You haunted his dreams and sometimes he’d wake up to see your ghostly face laying beside him.

He thought he’d never see you again until one brutal winter in Jackson while he, Tommy, and a few other men were patrolling on horseback. Ellie was safely back in town, far from harm's way while Joel placed himself on death's doorstep every time he patrolled with his brother. His horses' hooves crunched heavily along the freshly fallen snow. The wind whipped and howled in an ominous tune as the bitter chill tore through his thick jacket and pierced his skin. “There ain’t nothin’ alive here for miles, Tommy. Let’s go back. That rumor we heard about a raiders camp is probably false. Besides, you said it yourself, ain’t no man is stupid enough to try and overthrow the town.” Joel rode up alongside Tommy’s horse.

“The cold botherin’ you or somethin’ brother? Thought you were tougher than that.” The younger Miller brother said with an amused grin as he lightly punched Joel in the shoulder.

The wholesome moment quickly turned to chaos as 3 shots rang through the snow covered evergreens. Your group had been closely stalking Joel and Tommy for hours in the shadow of the forest. It wasn’t your first choice to join a raider group. Why the men spared you that day was beyond you, but they had become your new family, and you’d take whatever protection you could get; good or bad. You were the mastermind behind ambushing the group from Jackson. Driven by greed and bloodlust, you convinced your men that they could take down the patrol group, and overthrow the town. A lack of poor judgment proved to be fatal as you were thrown from your horse and tumbled into the snow. Your gun was kicked violently from your grasp with a heavy boot as you let out a feral scream.

The same boot that disarmed you, kicked your body down into the snow with a heavy thud. Adrenaline coursing through your veins clouded your senses as you held your hands up in defense at your perpetrator. You could only see his eyes as the rest of his face was covered by a thick wool scarf. The barrel of his gun was pressed against your temple as the man’s knee pressed harshly down on your stomach, pinning you at his mercy. “Your men are dead, and now you’re about to fuckin’ join them. How stupid does one person have to be to try and pull off a stunt like that?” The man gruffly spoke, voice muffled through the thick wool disguising his features.

That voice. Could it be? No. You were just imagining things again.

“Go ahead and fucking shoot me then. Better you than the men back at my camp. They’ll do far worse than you can imagine.” You spat.

Joel grasped the back of your head, yanking you up as he kept the barrel of his gun steady against your trembling temple. “How many of ya are there? In your camp, how many? If you tell me where they are, I won’t kill you.” Joel Miller was always a man of his word.

“Twenty..or so. You’ll need more men.” You grinned your teeth together as he roughly yanked you up. Your face was also concealed with a thick scarf, but your eyes held a sense of familiarity that Joel hadn’t felt in years.

“Tommy! Round up what’s left of their horses, and we’ll take her back with us. She’s gonna tell us where the rest of her group is. Ain’t that right, darlin?’”

Tommy was weary of his brother's proposal but ultimately agreed. “Fine. We’ll put her in a cell and then interrogate her for information. Maria isn’t going to take lightly to this, just so you’re aware.” Tommy narrowed his eyes at you before turning on his heel to return to his own horse.

“So, I’m becoming your prisoner? You gonna put me in handcuffs or something, sir?” You couldn’t help but take a tone with this man, despite a literal gun being pressed against your forehead.

He yanked you up to your feet in one swift movement. “You’re going to be my jailbird for as long as I fuckin’ see fit. You wanna live another day? Better get to talkin’, and cut that smartass attitude out. The hell is wrong with you?” Joel shoved you towards your horse with the barrel of his gun now shoved at your back. “Get on.” He demanded.

“You injured my horse.” You flatly stated as you grabbed ahold of the reins and hoisted yourself back into the saddle, and your scarf fell down just the slightest before you quickly scrambled to re-secure it.

“That’s what happens when you ambush heavily armed people, darlin.’ A grazed bullet to the flank ain’t gonna kill your horse. He’ll live.” Joel hoisted himself back up into his own saddle.

“It’s a she, and fuck you.”

“Well, my apologies to her.” Joel held the reins in one hand while the other was firmly wrapped around your bicep, just in case you were going to be stupid enough to try and escape.

You were in fact thrown into Jackson’s makeshift jail like a rag doll. Joel was anything but gentle as he shoved you inside the cell and slammed the door shut with a heavy clank and locked it. “You outta go and make yourself comfortable, cus’ you’re gonna be here awhile.” He pulled up a chair to sit right outside the metal bars. It scraped painfully along the flooring as he sat down.

You sat down in the chair across from him, peering through the metal bars with your arms crossed against your chest. “So, even if I tell you where the rest of my group resides, you aren’t going to let me go?”

Joel mirrored your actions by crossing his broad shoulders over his chest in an intimidating manner. “I never said anythin’ about lettin’ you go. All I said was that I wouldn’t kill ya if you told me where the rest of your group is.”

“Ohh. So you were dead serious on the whole prisoner thing? I thought you were bluffing.” You pressed the weight of your back against the metal chair. “Well, if we’re gonna be here awhile, mind telling me who you are?”

“Those details are not necessary. You ain’t got a reason to know who the hell I am. You’re gonna sit there, and you’re gonna talk and I let you live. You think you get to call the shots, sweetheart? You got another thing comin’ for ya.” Joel stated with a raised brow.

“Alright, how about we make a deal. You seem like a reasonable man. How about we both take these scarves off and reveal our identities, and then I’ll talk. Let’s make this entire transaction personable, it’ll make it way more fun for me to kill you if I see your face.” Your threat was casual, yet all the more serious.

“Kill me? How are you gonna do that? I got you trapped behind these bars and there ain’t nothin’ you can do about it.” He scoffed at your threat, brushing it off like water off a ducks back.

“I have my ways.” You stood up from the chair and sauntered over to the bars, grasping them between your hands with your cheek pressed against the cold metal. “C’mon. Tell me your name, and then I’ll tell you where my camp is. It’s a fair deal.”

Joel let out an annoyed huff. He was sick of your games already and he briefly wondered how someone as incessant as you, survived this long. “Joel. My name is Joel.”

Joel is a common name, right? There’s plenty of Joel’s. There’s no way in fucking hell that this man was your Joel Miller. Not a chance.

The air felt heavy as you stared at him through the bars. Your gaze was heavy on his covered face as if you were trying to see through the wool that covered it.

“The fuck are you starin’ at? Y’know what? Maybe I should just kill you after all. You ain’t gonna tell me what I want to know. You think that you’re gonna fuckin’ weasel your way out of this. Well, guess what? You ain’t.” He stood up from the chair in a fury as he strode to the bars and grasped your chin in one swift movement. You clawed at his hand, but it was too late. Your scarf fell from where it was secured on your face and he stumbled back as if he had seen a ghost, his own scarf falling as his body collapsed into the chair.

“YOU?!” He yelled incredulously as he stared at your recognizable face in disbelief. “YOU TRIED TO FUCKIN’ KILL ME!” He tossed his scarf to the ground as he pulled himself back up from the chair. “All these years, and this is how we meet again?!” His voice echoed off the concrete walls, booming painfully against your eardrums as you cowered from the sound.

“Had I known it was you—”

He didn’t even give you a chance to finish your sentence as his hands slammed down around the bars. His face was flushed red with anger, his eyes narrowed into slits. “Bull fucking shit! You tried to kill me, and my brother! You fuckin’ ambushed us!”

“I DIDN’T KNOW IT WAS YOU! I DIDN’T KNOW IT WAS YOU, JOEL! I SWEAR!” You tried to plead with him.

“You tried to kill me.” His voice fell flat as he stepped back from the metal bars with a heavy shake of his head. “You fuckin’ bitch.” He whispered under his breath as he strode out of the makeshift jail without looking back.

Three days passed since you had last seen Joel Miller. You were convinced that he, and the people of Jackson would let you rot in here without a care in the world. In your solitude, your mind drifted off to the QZ and your time spent with Joel. Oh, how everything had changed.

A metal tray skidded to your feet below the metal bars along with a mug of coffee. Joel had returned and was once again sitting in the old metal chair as you scarfed down the food he provided you like a ravaged animal.

“Your men are dead. Cordyceps got to them before we could.” He was resting his hands on his knees as he leaned over, observing you.

“Good. I’m glad to hear it.” You spoke between mouthfuls of stew, not even looking up at him.

“Tommy wants to kill you. His wife is pretty fuckin’ pissed that you and your group ambushed us. I’ve convinced him for the time being to spare your life. You’re welcome.”

“I agree that they should kill me. I’m a traitorous killer. If you let me out of this cell, I won’t hesitate to kill you.”

“You can quit that whole tough girl act ‘round me. I know exactly who, and what you are, and you darlin’ are not a killer.” Joel retorted with a sigh.

“Stop fucking acting like you know who I am, Joel. You don’t know a goddamn thing about me anymore. You don’t know the people I have killed since I left you. You don’t know what I’m capable of, so stop pretending that you do.” You snapped.

“Oh? I don’t? Just because you went off and joined a group of murderous raiders, doesn’t mean I don’t know you anymore. Are you forgettin’ that I used to be one of them?”

“What exactly are you trying to get out of this, Joel? Are you looking for closure? Are you looking for revenge? What the hell is it that you want?” You kicked the empty tray back under the prison bars.

“I want some fuckin’ answers. I want to know why you just up and left me like that. Do you know how long I spent lookin’ for you? I was forced to give up because a teenage girl, who I now view as my own kid, was thrown into my life, quite literally, and we went on this journey together. I stopped looking for you in mutilated bodies, but I never stopped thinking about you, and where you were.”

“I already told you why I needed to leave. I gave you those answers, and you wouldn’t agree with me. Leaving you was the hardest thing I have ever fucking had to do. I told you it was for our own good.”

His boots were heavy along the floor as he stopped in front of the bars, grasping them tightly between clutched fists. “No. I want a real fuckin’ answer. I deserve that at the very least.”

You were in front of him now, hands grasping the bars just below his own with your eyes boring into his. “I left because I had to. If I stayed any longer, I would have never been able to leave. We would have never worked out, Joel. It was going to come to an end whether we wanted it to or not.”

“You didn’t fuckin’ have to do anythin.’ I provided you anythin’ you fuckin’ wanted. Anythin’ you needed. I let you ruin me, and you just get up and leave? Fuck you. I didn’t ask to feel this way. I didn’t ask to care about you. It just fuckin’ happened. So how dare you say that you had to do anythin.’” His tone dropped an octave as his eyes stayed locked on yours.

“What the fuck else do you want me to say, Joel? Do you want me to say that I hated you? That I never cared about you either? Do you want me to lie to your fucking face and tell you that you never fucking meant anything to me? Is that what you fucking want?!” You responded exasperatedly with your lips nearly touching his between the gaps in the bars. “I’ll lie to you if it means that you’ll finally let me go.”

“I loved you.” He whispered with a clenching heart. “I loved you, and would have done anythin’ to keep you. I’d lasso you the fuckin’ moon if it made you happy.” He confessed.

Your heart fell heavy between strained strings as your palms grew clammy. “No. Take it back. Don’t you dare fucking throw that word around with me, Joel Miller. You’re fucking lying.”

“Am I? Am I fucking lyin’ when I tell you that I searched every goddamn crevice in the QZ looking for you? Am I lyin’ when I tell you that I tore up your fuckin’ apartment to try and find any sign or clue as to where I could find you? Am I lyin’ when I spent sleepless nights cryin’ in my own filth because it felt like a piece of me was ripped away? Just like the way my fuckin’ daughter was ripped from me? I love you, you stupid, stupid girl.”

Suddenly, you were kissing. Magnets drawn together by an impossible force that not even prison bars could keep you apart. He grasped your face delicately between his hands as you kissed one another with desperation, as if you’d slip between one another’s hands like sand on a beach. He detached his lips from yours, a string of spit keeping you connected for a mere moment as he quickly unlocked the cell door with the key in his pocket. You were on each other in an instant, slamming his back into the door before kissing him fervently once more. Joel Miller should have never trusted a jailbird such as you. You felt the coolness of the key in your grasp, having him distracted at your mercy. You shoved him away, slipping through the door and slammed it shut before locking it. He barely had a chance to register that you were no longer in his proximity.

He shook the bars wildly, yelling fiercely as you slipped from his grasp once more. “DON’T LEAVE ME! DON’T LEAVE ME! I LOVE YOU, PLEASE! PLEASE DON’T GO! I LOVE YOU!” He slammed his fists into the bars over and over again, till his knuckles were raw and bleeding, and his throat ran dry.

Tagging people I think will enjoy! @chaotic-mystery @cavillscurls @morning-star-joy @sinsofsummers @cupofjoel @thetriumphantpanda @dinsdjrn @darkroastjoel @korynnekorynne @kirsteng42

Part Two

[meloriri]

thinking about ren. thinking about how he's not the self principled, righteous person others think he is. thinking of how he adores his mask of anonymity, because he doesnt care for himself as a person. as a person, he's whatever other people want him to be. to use as a punching bag, to use a shoulder to cry on, to use as someone to rant to, to use as a friend. he doesnt oppose to it unless its directly affecting other people negatively. but joker; joker is everything about him that he's not, in a sense. a strong backbone, a leader, a strategically sound, skillful person uncaring of outside opinions. someone that follows their heart with perseverance regardless of the consequences. ren IS that person, he wants to be that person, but he cant fathom that being him as a person. he is glad he can live himself as a second person as joker, but glad to be able to stay in his safe, conforming box as ren.

thinking of how he hates society's norm of "minding your own business" and not interfering with other people's upsetting scenarios. he lived his life feeling that way but keeping it in and just keeping to himself, not complaining, not saying a thing. despite that, he knows he hates it, and because of the way others put him down for it, they both tell him he needs to fix his pickiness on morals, and he also repeats it to himself

the love he's recieving; the love he gets from being a people-pleaser---sometimes it humiliates him, it degrades and defiles him. it disgusts him--But not disgust at the person sending love, at himself. For tricking people, for acting how they want him to despite not believing a word he says. despite him actually being rebellious. he is disgusted by his own act of pretending to conform, but he cant defy it.

And once the world is bright, when the world is good; He'll only be left behind as an afterthought. Someone erased from society's memory.

he only yearns for the ideals of other; he wishes to see the way they do, to conform, but he is unable. He wants to fit in, but never can. he burnt his individuality, his opinions, his feelings and his rebellion to an ash, an ash that takes the form of Arsene. the very spirit of his heart, from the ashes of the identity he left behind.

he is unable to understand what love really is, if it's real, if it's honest; if he even actually feels it. this is why he's so monotone even when confessing to his love interests; he still doesnt quite understand. what love is supposed to be, the different kinds of love, how one experiences falling in love. Such a complex is explained by lack of love presented towards him. a lack of attention, of praise, and most of all, of any care. family, friends, anything.

one of the most inspiring parts of his story is how he learns to experience love, from familial to platonic, and understands it; how he uses it and lives by it.

A lynch mob is a group of people to lynch others. The religious society is the self righteous, conforming society. The phantom thieves are the lynch mob; despite not actually HANGING people obviously, it stands as a metaphor for them actively punishing the poor actions of others while the rest of society is against the meddling, seeing nothing wrong with the corruption. in a religious world, joker is portrayed as SATAN. he actively KILLS GOD. to society, he is an absolute evil; someone only there for the joy of destroying others. to himself, its only righteous punishment. stopping corrupted actions of others. like how satan is seen to be truly evil for his betrayal to god (think about some of things god did for a min. like tell ppl to kill their first born sons for him, hitting people with a huge tsunami......) and for being the ruler of hell, without realizing that satan stands for the PUNISHMENT of those who go to hell. hes not there to ruin others life, ren is there to save them by exorcising the evil. despite the way society treats him as person, despite them going directly against his attempt at helping them, he doesn't let it break him. he keeps fighting for people even when they hate him for doing it.

He's putting his ego, his self acceptance in conformity, the mask he's perfectly crafted as someone that anyone can like to the ground. he's putting his greed, his greed to have the ideals of all others, to understand society, along with it. He's finally himself, and he can announce that to his family, to those who wanted him to conform proudly and unafraid, uncaring of their opinion on who he is.

with a newly, fully solid grasp on rebellion, he will stand with his hell, as satan, punishing the evil until the bitter end of it. So he pleads that just for this time, until this end, that the world will go along with him, with their feelings; their own desires to conform, to please others, ripped out of them. To have their original feelings; their values, opinions and lifestyles revealed from the depths of within themselves and shown to the world. These feelings that they were once unashamed of, before being taught to conform, the feelings from childhood.

and at last, with the person he now is, he will finally be remembered. noted by others, and seen. But now seen as who he is instead of who he acted as. Not someone serious, not someone only there to please others; someone entirely unrecognizable. Someone who has come to complete terms with their own rebellion.

could u tell all of this was from bitter choco decoration by syudou?

[wutheringcaterpillar]

Time Was Never On Our Side

Summary: Decades after the heartbreaking split between you and Cillian, you see one another out and about. After realizing he’s married now, guilt follows you up to his hotel room where words are said, and a kiss is shared. Warnings: Morally grounded reader, an unfaithful kiss, sad ending but the right ending

sidenote: This fic is in favor of his wife toward the end, there will be no smut just heartbreak following from a kiss. heavily inspired by Cut The Shit-Delusion, Sweetheart by @cillianmesoftlyyy

The everlonging gaze of a man with crystal blue eyes, and an ash gray hair color that you knew all too well, stopped you in your tracks, the two of you stared at one another in disbelief. It felt as if you were looking at a ghost

It had been so long, since you’d both graduated high school that was the last time you saw one another.

Cillian was your first love, and it always seemed to be right person, wrong time, but maybe that had changed. “Y/N? What er you doing here?” Nostalgia flooded back, like a river overfilling a valley, leaving you nearly sppechless. He still looked great, very handsome in his suit and tie, with his shimmering, almost transparent blue eyes.

“Cillian? I- I just finished with work, was going to grab a bite to eat then head home.” He shook his head, insisting that you allow him to court you to dinner to which you obliged. The ring around his finger not going unnoticed, but you attempted to convince yourself this was just a catching up between to friends, nothing more.

He watched you intently as you skimmed the dinner menu, glancing at the untouched glass of pinot grigio. You always did have class, and could hold your own. 

After small talk and eating as much as knew he shouldn’t, he had a proposal.

“Come to my room. Just fer a chat, it’s a bit more private.” Glancing down at his ring, a ping of guilt washed over you, knowing that his wife was more than likely unaware to know whom he was having dinner with as of this moment, but a part of you wanted to hear what he had to say.

His eyes searched your facial expression for an answer, and he could tell you were nervous about this meeting by the way you twiddled your thumbs.

Reaching his hand over, he placed it gently on top of yours, his fingers caressing your delicate skin.

“I promise, just a drink nothing more.” Nodding, you disregarded the presence of morals in your mind. After paying the tab, and walking you to his room, he removed your jacket, placing on the chair near the kitchen table.

His laptop had been left open and a photo of him, his wife and child, enjoying what looked like to be a summer vacation on the beach was displayed on the screen, making you unbearably uncomfortable.

Noticing, he closed the laptop, insisting you take a seat on the sofa, asking if you needed anything to drink and what not.

After politely declining, he sat near you at an arm’s length away, his vibrant yet subtle cologne that smelt of ivory and pine filling your senses. Cillian had always smelt wonderful and was a very clean-sly man, you couldn’t deny in the three years you were together, it was a relief having a man that could hold his own and you didn’t have to clean up after him.

“So, how’ve you been? What’s been going on yer life? I’d love to know.” 

“I graduated, received my diploma in the arts, and now I’m a full time journalist for the times, the stories you run across are unbelievable sometimes.” His lips spread into a wide smile before his hand settled on your knee, rubbing the fabric of your thin leggings gracefully, his touch sending chills up your spine.

“That’s wonderful Y/N. I always knew you had it in you! Any man in yer life? Kids?” He cleared his throat, his voice slightly cracking, his heart beating wildly in his chest as he was terrified for your answer.

“Cillian, I don’t think we should discuss this. After all that was one of the reasons we never made it. You wanted kids. I didn’t. You wanted to act and travel, I wanted to settle with the environment and area I’m familiar with. We were always with one another for the right reasons, but we never saw eye to eye with our future together.” As much as it broke you inside to say those words, they needed to be released, thrown into the air to really sink in. You weren’t trying to hurt him, and you didn’t feel like he was trying to hurt you, it just always seemed to be right person, wrong time.

Biting his lip, his eyes sulking toward the ground, the memories of your very first date entered his mind. The way you dressed in a red plaid shirt with blue jeans, how you had your hair straightened and beat him in an arcade game, ending the night with him driving you home, insisting on waiting to kiss you at least until the second date as he didn’t want to rush or pressure you.

The first kiss when you were laying on a plush blanket, your eyes beaming up into the sky watching the fireworks explode into their bursts of vibrant colors before your eyes locked, and he leaned in. 

The moment you had moved into your first apartment together, almost in amazement at how organized and smoothly you unpacked boxes with your hair tied in a messy bun. Even when you were sweating, your aura radiated an unexplainable, beautiful energy like no other woman could.

He was completely and devastatingly still in love with you and all your little ticks.

After a moment of silence, you were staring down at your palms, fiddling with the fabric of your sweater. Cillian skimmed his hand through the strands of your hair, placing it behind your ear gently, causing your cheeks to become a rosy shade of red. Everything in you wished that the past was different, that your relationship had made it but timing never seemed to be on either of your sides.

Your lips parted, taking a much needed breath when you felt his body scoot closer. His longing blue eyes fixated on your enticing lips, scanning your eyes, finding that maybe he wasnt the only one with this immense urge.

His thumb brushed under your chin, turning your head slightly toward him. Leaning in his lips collided with yours in a nostalgic, tender kiss, adrenaline and dopamine coursing through his veins as moments of your past continued to  flash through his mind like a romantic motion-picture.

All he could remember was the way he made you laugh, the way your smile outshined the sun, how your eyes lit up whenever you were near him.

Shame flooded over you, selfish was the first word that came to your mind. Your eyebrows rising in shock when your lips connected in a gentle, loving kiss, yet he still felt so far away. The heat in your chest was undeniably present, butterflies forming in your stomach but that didn’t stop the strain of your emotions running wildly. You knew if you didn’t break away from his touch, this would lead further, the night ending in his bed and you waking up in the morning with the reminder he was a married man, and you’d been his mistress.

Pulling away, your hands settled in his arms, lips pursing together in sadness, and regret. You couldn’t stop the tears that were at the brim of your eyelids from flowing freely down your cheeks.

“What? Is everything alright?” His voice was low but he spoke with sincerity and concern.

Glancing down at his ring, his eyes followed yours.

“Cillian. You’re married now, with a son. I cant do this to your wife, I won’t let you do this to her. I need to go.” Standing up and patting down your dress, Cillian stood up just as fast, worried he had gone too far, too quick.

“Please, I’m sorry. I- I don’t know what came over me. I’m a fecking idiot but I still love you.” Your throat began to tighten, in irritation and anxiety. 

“Don’t! Don’t do that. This hurts me as much as it does you but I will not participate in you throwing away your marriage. Do you love her?” Gulping, Cillian released your wrist, his hands brushing through his hair as he too felt his eyes begin to water, an immense feeling of regret, and heartbreak, shattering his chest.

“I- I do but I’m not over you Y/N. I don’t think I ever will be, even after all these years.” Sighing and brushing away the tears, your hands settled on his dampened cheeks, forcing your aching eyes to lock together.

“And that is okay. I still love you too, but I respect your wife. We were never going to work Cillian. That is alright to still have lingering feelings, they may never go away, but I need to go away. Not just for myself, but for you.” His hands gripped on your wrists, his throat tightening while his heart dropped into the bottomless pit of his stomach.

“I know. Love, I know. I’d love if we had made it and I need to let you go, no matter how much it pains me. Just know, you deserve better, and there is a man out there waiting for your love. I just hope he is deserving of it, and won’t take your love fer granted the way I did tonight.” You nodded painfully, thanking him before picking up your purse, heading for the door, only this time he didn’t stop you.

Turning the knob, you glanced back at Cillian once more. “Please have the decency to tell your wife and inform her I mean her no harm. I only wish the best and I will not be in contact with you. If she’d like to call me I left my number on the table. Goodbye Cillian.” Closing the door, it felt like the love-story had painstakingly come to an end, the way it needed to be.

Cillian stayed awake, your words sinking in before he face-timed his wife, being completely truthful and transparent with her, doing as you asked, giving her your number if she felt the need to call with any questions or wanted to speak any words with you.

[notebookmusical]

books read in 2023

hi, hello! inspired by a few mutuals, i decided to do a reading thread of 2023! you can find my goodreads here, and my bookstagram here! as always, askbox + dms are open if have any questions or would like to chat about books!

january

book lovers by emily henry (reread; ★★★★★)

convenience store woman by sayaka murata + translated by ginny tapley takemori (★★★☆☆)

a wish in the dark by christina soontornvat (★★★★★)

so you want to talk about race by ijeoma oluo (audiobook; ★★★★★)

highly suspicious and unfairly cute by talia hibbert (★★★★☆)

the seven husbands of evelyn hugo by taylor jenkins reid (reread; (★★★★☆)

if not, winter by sappho + translated by anne carson (★★★★★)

when you wish upon a lantern by gloria chao (ARC; ★★★☆☆)

this time it's real by ann liang (ARC; ★★★★★)

love, theoretically by ali hazelwood (ARC; ★★☆☆☆)

hell bent by leigh bardugo (★★★★☆)

everything i know about love by dolly alderton (reread; ★★★★★)

the fraud squad by kyla zhao (★★★☆☆)

masters of death by olivie blake (★★★★☆)

enter the body by joy mccullough (★★★★☆)

the stranger by albert camus (reread; ★★★★★)

you'd be mine by erin hahn (★☆☆☆☆)

a hundred other girls by iman hariri-kia (★☆☆☆☆)

bloodmarked by tracy deonn (audiobook; ★★★☆☆)

fearless by mandy gonazales (★★★★☆)

february

the roommate by rosie danan (★★☆☆☆)

wuthering heights by emily brontë (book club pick; ★★★★☆)

the nanny by lana ferguson (ARC; ★★☆☆☆)

the writing retreat by julia bartz (ARC; ★★☆☆☆)

exes and o's by amy lea (★★★☆☆)

not here to stay friends by kaitlyn hill (ARC; ★★★★☆)

chloe and the kaishao boys by mae coyiuto (ARC; ★★★★☆)

isha, unscripted by sajni patel (gifted; ★★☆☆☆)

conversations on love by natasha lunn (★★★★★)

meet me at the lake by carley fortune (ARC; ★★★★☆)

emily wilde's encyclopedia of faeries by heather fawcett (★★★☆☆)

where echoes die by courtney gould (ARC; ★★★☆☆)

vintage contemporaries by dan kois (gifted; ★★☆☆☆)

how to be perfect: the correct answer to every moral question by michael schur (audiobook; ★★★★★)

half a soul by olivia atwater (★★★★★)

ten thousand stitches by olivia atwater (★★★★☆)

longshadow by olivia atwater (★★★★★)

between the world and me by ta-nehisi coates (audiobook; ★★★★★)

infamous by lex croucher (ARC; ★★☆☆☆)

the lord sorcier by olivia atwater (★★★★☆)

the latch key by olivia atwater (★★★★★)

made of stars by jenna voris (ARC; ★★★★☆)

march

when broadway was black: the triumphant story of the all-black musical that changed the world by caseen gaines (audiobook; ★★★★★)

leave it to the march sisters by annie sereno (ARC; ★★★☆☆)

once more with feeling by elissa sussman (ARC; ★☆☆☆☆)

moorewood family rules by helenkay dimon (ARC; ★★☆☆☆)

fleabag: the scriptures by phoebe waller-bridge (★★★★★)

fake dates and mooncakes by sher lee (ARC; ★☆☆☆☆)

vera wong's unsolicited advice for murderers by jesse q. sutanto (gifted; ★★★★☆)

emma of 83rd street by audrey bellezza and emily harding (ARC; ★★☆☆☆)

how to read now by elaine castillo (★★★★★)

constellations by nick payne (reread; ★★★★☆)

ching chong chinaman by lauren yee

devil in winter by lisa kleypas (★★★★☆)

the passing playbook by isaac fitzsimons ( ★★★★★)

infinite jest by david foster wallace

our wives under the sea by julia armfield (★★★★☆)

mrs. nash's ashes by sarah adler (ARC; ★★★★☆)

study break: 11 college tales from orientation to graduation edited by aashna avachat (★★★☆☆)

the love match by priyanka taslim (★★★★☆)

a lady for a duke by alexis hall (★★★★☆)

love and other consolation prizes by jamie ford (★★★☆☆)

april

spoiler alert by olivia dade (★★☆☆☆)

all the feels by olivia dade (★★☆☆☆)

ship wrecked by olivia dade (★★☆☆☆)

float plan by trish doller (★★★★☆)

yellowface by r.f. kuang

the ex hex by erin sterling (★★☆☆☆)

the kiss curse by erin sterling (★★★☆☆)

siren queen by nghi vo (audiobook; ★★★☆☆)

chloe and the kaishao boys by mae coyiuto (reread; ★★★★★)

wandering souls by cecile pin (gifted; ★★★★★)

heavy vinyl, vol. 1: riot on the radio by nina vakueva & carly usdin (★★★★☆)

heavy vinyl: y2k-o! by nina vakueva & carly usdin (★★★★☆)

never ever getting back together by sophie gonzales (★★☆☆☆)

book lovers by emily henry (reread; ★★★★★)

miss aldridge regrets by louise hare (gifted; ★★★☆☆)

if the shoe fits by julie murphy (★★★☆☆)

blackmail and bibingka by mia p. manansala (★★★★☆)

murder and mamon by mia p. manansala (ARC; ★★★☆☆)

icebreaker by hannah grace (★☆☆☆☆)

alone with you in the ether by olivie blake (reread; ★★★★★)

may

beautiful country: a memoir of an undocumented childhood by qian julie wang (★★★★★)

the other black girl by zakiya dalila harris (audiobook; ★★★★☆)

check & mate by ali hazelwood (ARC; ★★★☆☆)

if i'm being honest by emily wibberley & austin siegemund-broka (reread; ★★★★★)

always never yours by emily wibberley & austin siegemund-broka (reread; ★★★★★)

do i know you? by emily wibberley & austin siegemund-broka (reread; ★★★★★)

romeo and juliet by william shakespeare (audiobook, reread; ★★★★★)

joan is okay by weike wang (★★★★☆)

technically yours by denise williams (ARC; ★★★☆☆)

first position by melanie hamrick (ARC; ★☆☆☆☆)

the boy from kyiv: alexei ratmansky's life in ballet by marina harss (ARC; ★★★★★)

the boy you always wanted by michelle quach (ARC; ★★★★☆)

woman, eating by claire kohda (★★☆☆☆)

immortal longings by chloe gong (ARC; ★★☆☆☆)

heartburn by nora ephron (★★★☆☆)

a merry little meet cute by julie murphy & sierra simone (★★☆☆☆)

the deal by elle kennedy (★☆☆☆☆)

the mistake by elle kennedy (★☆☆☆☆)

the score by elle kennedy (★☆☆☆☆)

the goal by elle kennedy (★☆☆☆☆)

the legacy by elle kennedy (★☆☆☆☆)

open water by caleb azumah nelson (★★★★★)

painted devils by margaret owen (gifted; ★★★★★)

playing for keeps by kendall ryan (★☆☆☆☆)

june

the final revival of opal and nev by dawnie walton (★★★☆☆)

the missing of clairedelune by christelle dabos (audiobook; ★★★★★)

happy place by emily henry (reread; ★★★★★)

iris kelly doesn't date by ashley herring blake (ARC; ★★★★☆)

ghosts by dolly alderton (★★★★★)

you don't have a shot by racquel marie (gifted; ★★★★☆)

thank you for listening by julia whelan (audiobook; ★★★★★)

if you still recognize me by cynthia so (gifted; ★★☆☆☆)

imogen, obviously by becky albertalli (gifted; ★★★★☆)

for never & always by helena greer (ARC; ★☆☆☆☆)

all the dead lie down by kyrie mccauley (gifted; ★★★★☆)

one hundred days by alice pung (ARC; ★★☆☆☆)

much ado about nada by uzma jalaluddin (★★★★☆)

thieves gambit by kayvion lewis (ARC; ★★★☆☆)

deep in providence by riss m. neilson (★★★☆☆)

the burnout by sophie kinsella (ARC; ★★★��☆)

small worlds by caleb azumah nelson (ARC; ★★★★☆)

we ship it by lauren kay (★☆☆☆☆)

foul heart huntsman by chloe gong (ARC; ★★★☆☆)

the memory of babel by christelle dabos (audiobook; ★★★☆☆)

pride and prejudice and pittsburgh by rachael lippincott (ARC; ★★★☆☆)

a british girl's guide to hurricanes and heartbreak by laura taylor namey (ARC; ★★★★☆)

the reunion by kit frick (ARC; ★★★☆☆)

queer by william s. burroughs

when grumpy met sunshine by charlotte stein (ARC; ★☆☆☆☆)

july

the storm of echoes by christelle dabos (audiobook; ★★★☆☆)

will they or won't they by ava wilder (★★★☆☆)

fiona and jane by jean chen ho (audiobook; ★★☆☆☆)

business or pleasure by rachel lynn solomon (★★★☆☆)

teach the torches to burn: a romeo & juliet remix by caleb roehrig (ARC; ★★★☆☆)

a man called ove by fredrik backman (audiobook; ★★★★☆)

exciting times by naoise dolan (audiobook; ★☆☆☆☆)

the hobbit by j.r.r. tolkien (audiobook; ★★★★★)

the year of magical thinking by joan didion (★★★★★)

such a fun age by kiley reid (audiobook; ★★★☆☆)

tis the damn season by kimi freeman (ARC; ★☆☆☆☆)

august

a very nice girl by imogen crimp (audiobook; ★★☆☆☆)

bliss montage by ling ma (audiobook; ★★★☆☆)

the raven boys by maggie stiefvater (reread; ★★★★★)

freshwater by akwaeke emezi (audiobook; ★★☆☆☆)

the dream thieves by maggie stiefvater (reread; ★★★★★)

i'm not done with you yet by jesse q. sutanto (gifted; ★★☆☆☆)

blue lily, lily blue by maggie stiefvater (reread; ★★★★★)

the raven king by maggie stiefvater (reread; ★★★★★)

bellegarde by jamie lilac (gifted; ★★★☆☆)

red, white & royal blue by casey mcquiston (reread; ★★★★★)

some mistakes were made by kristin dwyer (gifted; ★★★☆☆)

september

beta read (★★★★★)

dogs of summer by andrea abreu lópez (audiobook; ★★☆☆☆)

in these hallowed halls: a dark academia anthology edited by maria o'regan and paul kane (ARC; ★★★☆☆)

together we rot by skyla arndt (★★★★☆)

stay with my heart by tashie bhuiyan (ARC; ★★☆☆☆)

before we say goodbye by toshikazu kawaguchi & translated by geoffrey trousselot (ARC; ★★★★★)

the dead romantics by ashley poston (★★★★☆)

the seven year slip by ashley poston( ★★★★★)

you, again by kate goldbeck (★★☆☆☆)

serpent & dove by shelby mahurin (gifted; ★★★☆☆)

harlem after midnight by louise hare (gifted; ★★★☆☆)

witch of wild things by raquel vasquez gilliland (gifted; ★★★☆☆)

the luis ortega survival club by sonora reyes (gifted; ★★★★☆)

blood & honey by shelby mahurin (audiobook; ★★★☆☆)

the picture of dorian gray by oscar wilde (audiobook; ★★★★★)

for the throne by hannah whitten (audiobook; ★★★☆☆)

the wake-up call by beth o'leary (★★★★★)

the book eaters by sunyi dean (audiobook; ★★★☆☆)

october

the moth keeper by kay o'neill (★★★★☆)

a fragile enchantment by allison saft (ARC; ★★★★☆)

just kids by patti smith (audiobook)

cult classic by sloane crosley (audiobook; ★★★★☆)

the atlas paradox by olivie blake (audiobook; ★★★★☆)

the goodbye cat by hiro arikawa (gifted; ★★★★★)

the appeal by janice hallett ( ★★★★☆)

the twyford code by janice hallett ( ★★★★☆)

wildfire by hannah grace (★★☆☆☆)

the roaring by t. katarina tayler (★★☆☆☆)

curious tides by pascale lacelle (audiobook; ★★★★☆)

the tempest by william shakespeare (audiobook; ★★★★☆)

murder on the orient express by agatha christie (audiobook; ★★★★☆)

canadian boyfriend by jenny holiday (ARC; ★★☆☆☆)

november

better than fiction by alexa martin (★★★☆☆)

the christmas appeal by janice hallett(★★★★☆)

kaikeyi by vaishnavi patel (audiobook; ★★★★☆)

finale: late conversations with stephen sondheim by d.t. max (audiobook; ★★★★☆)

cleopatra and frankenstein by coco mellors (★★★★☆)

the undertaking of hart and mercy by megan bannen (audiobook; ★★★☆☆)

december

how to stop time by matt haig (audioboook; ★★★☆☆)

the wake-up call by beth o'leary (reread; ★★★★★)

the break up tour by emily wibberley & austin siegemund-broka (arc; ★★☆☆☆)

bride by ali hazelwood (arc; ★☆☆☆☆)

the getaway list by emma lord (arc; review withheld due to st. martin's press boycott)

same time next year by tessa bailey (★☆☆☆☆)

the mountains sing by nguyễn phan quế mai (★★★★★)

normal people by sally rooney (audiobook, reread; ★★★★★)

the night circus by erin morgenstern (reread;★★★★★)

funny story by emily henry (arc; ★★★★★)

les misérables by victor hugo (★★★★★)

TOTAL BOOKS READ: 202

[saveraedae]

What is The Mark Side?

★ THE MARK SIDE follows the life of MARK REED— an unconventional and flawed protagonist navigating a drama-filled life while pushing everyone to their limits in the meantime!

Filled with angst, complex relationship dynamics, LGBT characters, and comedy! A story with a deeper meaning than you'd think!

Throughout the show, I aim to tackle a lot of serious issues like mental health and abuse with morally grey characters.

Here's a new and improved TMS introduction thread!

Featuring some new information for TMS's returning audience! ★ Happy Indie Animation Day! Make sure to follow me for updates on the show and fun community stuff! Go to @ask-tms for fun ask blog shenanigans and check out themarkside.com for more!

Help boost by reblogging to support the show. :)

See below the cut for more!

Show premise:

The Mark Side centers around titular character Mark's strained relationship with his childhood best friend Benjamin, who due to years of communication issues now absolutely despises him. Mark however, seems blind to the obvious deterioration their relationship has had, as he harbors major unrequited romantic feelings towards him.

Mirroring the two are Jonathon and Kenny, the other half of the friend group who through their years of knowing each other have communicated and helped each other through hardships, presenting as a strong, healthy couple today because of it.

After a summer of not being on speaking terms, Mark manages to wiggle his way back into the friend group again only to find a new guy has 'replaced him'— Ash, Benjamin's new boyfriend.

It takes place in the fictional town of Ohwell, Texas in the late 2010's!

Season 1 will showcase the arc of Mark struggling to maintain his place in the friend group despite his jealousy whilst also dealing with a plethora of emotional and complex family issues.

The main takeaway theme is that most scenarios are less black and white than one may assume at first glance, showcased by the characters being the antagonists of themselves instead of portraying one character as the villain.

All while maintaining a good balance of humor through an expressive and cartoony style! Humor and style draws lots of inspiration from 2000's Cartoon Network and Disney XD shows!

★★★★

The characters:

Mark Reed —

Master of chaos and making people hate him! He is voiced by Collin Weiler!

Benjamin Washington —

Mark’s aggressive former bestie who’s not afraid to speak his mind! He is voiced by Andre Grandpierre!

Jonathon Washington —

He thinks everyone deserves a second chance… Even Mark! He is voiced by Kruyo!

Kenny Peterson —

He navigates life with a smile even amidst his friends' chaos! He is voiced by XephThePanda!

And much to Mark's dismay...

ASH POWYRS —

Benjamin's boyfriend! ...May or may not be Mark's replacement! He is voiced by Jaden!

Wanna read about Mark's family?

They'll get character sheets soon, don't worry! I'll update this post when they get them!

But for now, you can read about them on the website! Darcy is voiced by Katherine Black, Boss is voiced by Josh Portillo, and Leon is voiced by DarkMage!

And that does it for season 1 info!

If you want EVEN MORE info, and to learn the extensive history and development of the series, give the wiki a look!

Beware of both spoilers and outdated content!

★★★★

YOU MADE IT TO THE END!

Thank you sooo much for reading to the end! You're a real one!! Again, follow me, the series' showrunner and creator for updates and information regarding the series, and follow @ask-tms to get involved YOURSELF by submitting to the character ask blog!

The merch store and support tiers will launch sometime soon! For now, the best way you can support the series is by GETTING THE WORD OUT! SPREAD THE WORD! HYPE IT UP!

WE HAVE SO MUCH PLANNED FOR THE MARK SIDE AND CANNOT WAIT TO SHOW EVERYONE WHAT'S IN STORE!

[mxtxfanatic]

There’s something very tragic about the first king of Yong’an, Lang Ying that I feel both reflects Xie Lian in his almost-corruption era and also serves as a lesson for Xie Lian during his second banishment era.

Lang Ying loses his wife and young son to the drought in the city of Yong’an, only to be faced with the cruelty of the Xianle court who would rather preserve themselves and their status than help their suffering citizens. Xie Lian is the only noble to help him (by preventing Qi Rong from arresting him for stealing coins from a fountain, offering the man water, helping him bury his son, and then offering him his priceless pearl earrings that Xie Lian had used in the ill-fated Lantern Festival parade), and in return Lang Ying leads the Yong’an refugees in overthrowing the nation of Xianle and installing the nation of Yong’an over its ashes, the drought long over. In this ironic twist, Xie Lian breaking with the Xianle nobles to save Lang Ying’s life caused Xie Lian to lose his kingdom and loved ones, reversing their positions from beloved prince and impoverished commoner to beloved king and banished commoner. Now, they’ve both experienced a mirrored tragedy, though with different causes.

You’d think this would be a story of a man getting his due after experiencing injustice at the hands of the precious kingdom’s rulers, but no. Lang Ying is not satisfied with this takeover; he feels guilty. When Xie Lian goes to kill him, he still has the red pearl earring Xie Lian gave him. He tells Xie Lian that he always wanted to thank him for having given it to him, even if the help had come too late. This is also not the story of a man exacting vengeance for having his kindness repayed with “treachery.” Yes, Xie Lian in that moment was caught up in how Lang Ying seemed to have lived a “good life” and died relatively peacefully, but in later refusing to demolish the original city of Yong’an after realizing the error of following resentment, I feel like Xie Lian was at least partially influenced by Lang Ying’s death.

Lang Ying became king of a new kingdom, but he never got his wife and son back. In fact, his unwillingness to move on from the past, his regrets and fears and resentment, led to him (willingly!) being infected by the Human Face Disease. Yet on some level, he knew his thirst for vengeance—particularly in destroying the life of the one man who tried to help him—led to him being puppeteered by an even greater monster and having to forsake the part of him that wanted to repay a young man’s kindness. He didn’t die a proud king; he died a broken man filled with regrets. Xie Lian could have very well followed this same path: never releasing his regrets and resentment of what led to the fall of Xianle, always chasing those former pleasant memories by disgracing your morals in the present, and eventually being deposed by a victim of his actions. He consciously chooses not to.

Xie Lian is able to learn the lesson Lang Ying wasn’t given the chance to, and in doing so, he breaks out of the cycle of vengeance that Jun Wu was attempting to manipulate him into. I feel like his interactions and history with Lang Ying, as a result, would be good sources of heavy reflection and inspiration for his actions in his second banishment and third ascension.

[skierisa]

I don’t believe I’m familiar with your ocs so feel free to choose any but 🐉🗡️🧠

I think I could briefly talk about the three of them!

🐉 - Valerie is the only elemental master in her family, neither Nessa or Kenichi have any elemental powers. However, Kenichi taught himself how to use magic once the realms merged. The only power Vanessa has is the shape shifting ability shared by the people of her realm (is just a bit different than the Formlings).

🗡️ - Valerie is very good in combat, but she tends to forget she doesn't need to block and face every attack. Her chosen weapon are iron war fans. Kenichi mostly uses magic and does some sort of jiujitsu style of fight. Vanessa is the "weakest" among them, but knows some capoeira moves and learned how to use the naginata as a hobby (later she would take these more seriously).

🧠 - okay, this might be too long, so sorry in advance

Valerie and Kenichi were first created in 2017 because I wanted werewolf edgy OC's. Valerie used to use an axe instead of war fans, but her overall werewolf thingy and appearance were always the same. She also always had an "alt" aesthetic, or as alt as I could go as a 12 yo in the late 2010's thinking emo was very hardcore (ah, 12yo me was so dumb). I tried my best for her not to be a Mary Sue as well, so her outspoken and impulsive personality was always there. She was also created to be paired with Lloyd and they also always had this "haters to friends to lovers" dynamic. Again, as time went by, I needed to add good personality traita for her as well and I thought that her explosive/impulsive personality would contrast well with her being super nice and patient with kids and actually enjoying to be around them. 2017 Valerie could never! One cool detail about her desing is that her lighter brown locks were inspired by my hair when I was 12. It had lighter, slightly blonde locks because I used to be under the sun a lot (if I try doing this nowadays I'll turn to ashes lol)

Kenichi only started to get a personality once I reworked him like I year ago. He was very different, but things that are still the same is that he has black hair and he smokes (also knows how to use a gun). He started as a comedic relief character, but as time went by I hugged the idea of him being morally grey, yet funny, but always with a card in his sleeve, wishing nothing but the best for the world (he's literally chaotic good rn). The scar on his eye was originally present as a "future self" thing, like, he'd get it during Valerie's fan season, but I liked the idea so I made it part of him from the start of the story.

Nessa was created randomly when I was 12 because I wanted to give Valerie some drama that wasn't "her parents are dead" kind of drama, so I thought adding a surprise twin sister would be nice. Well it wasn't, and I knew that, so I killed Nessa off and she became a vangeful spirit only Valerie could see. When I decided to rework Valerie, I revisited Vanessa's concept, whose personality seemed to never be right. Having recently watched C09 gameplays and Scott Pilgrim movies (plus reading the comics) I thought mixing Jecka and Julie Powers with a character from Teen Monica's Gang (Denise) would be funny. I did this because Nessa's personality would always end up as "too shy to live" or "too superficial to be interesting", so I gave her this "she's an asshole" kind of personality, except it's just because she's harsh and likes to take care of others, so her harshness is because of her wish to see others doing well. Like she has redeemable qualities that's what I mean ldhdkdjfi

Anyway, that's it! Thank you very much for the ask, I love talking about my OC's and thought this game would be a fun way to talk about them without doing 100s of random posts fhjdhdjd

[coldresolve]

Moneymakers, pt.xx // The Thing About Hope

Previous / AO3 / Wattpad / Masterlist / Next

They discussed it a while ago. That thing about hope. And Renee didn’t fully understand the intricacies of it, not until he watched Conrad’s huddled form lying sopping wet on the floor, with a screw stuck in his hand and a look of pure emptiness creeping over his face.

Renee steps out of the cold shower, quickly drying himself off before he throws on underwear, a pair of slacks, and a hoodie.

What was it Davin said? The last thing you want is to deprive him of his willingness to live.

It seemed so counterintuitive at the time. Oddly removed and abstract. It didn’t feel like something that had an actual, practical purpose.

“Once we’re not begging for scraps anymore, and we have the audience we want, what does it matter? What would it change?”

“It would change him,” Davin had said.

Renee had laughed. “So? What the fuck do people expect?”

“They expect the worst,” Davin had said, “but they’ll still be hoping for a happy ending. And I want that… acknowledged, I suppose.”

“Why? No, seriously, why?”

He finds his stash, decides to pop a pill before he heads outside for a smoke. He swallows it with no water, shrugging his jacket over his shoulders.

It must be below freezing. There’s no visible signs that the dew on the grass has frozen solid, but the sharp scent of frost bites in his nostrils. The moon is obscured by a thick layer of clouds.

“Because,” Davin had said, stopping himself several times as he searched for the right words. “Because people… average people, I mean, if we’re talking about having an audience beyond just… you know… they’re not going to want a one-sided conflict. They don’t want to watch a man be beaten down only to die lonely and desolate and… disillusioned. They want there to be… something in Conrad’s story that can inspire them. His survival.”

Renee’s usual lighter is running out of fluid. He tries it several times, rubbing his thumb raw on the wheel, but the wick never catches the spark. Digging around in his pocket, he finds a spare, which lights up on the first try, and Renee lights his joint.

The feeling of serenity, of a quieter kind of euphoria, is already spreading throughout his bloodstream. Hands and feet tingling with it, Renee sits down on the patio steps and leans his head against the wall, leg bouncing slightly against the cold. He tries to think about the way the light had left Conrad’s eyes at the end, but can’t fully wrap his head around it before the thoughts dissipate in a cloud of calm complacency. He takes a long drag of the cigarette, watches as the white smoke disappears into the night.

“We might reach the mainstream,” Davin had said, lightly tapping the table for emphasis. “But I don’t think we’re going to stay there if we break his spirit. I think people will tune it out as too depressing. They don’t want to… to face that part of existence. It’s not pleasant to look at, not for anyone who has a sliver of moral decency.”

“Nobody does,” Renee had said with a laugh.

“Not in your world, no,” Davin had retorted without missing a beat. “In his world, everybody does.”

It gets cold, sitting idle in weather like this. Renee tucks his jacket closer around himself, absentmindedly ashing the cigarette as his eyes pan the backyard. Maybe winter is coming early, this year. Maybe a storm is on its way.

“So… what do you want, exactly?”

“I want there to be… a sliver of something beneath it all. Something that’s deep, something that means something to people. And for that to happen, I think Conrad has to be – to remain – willing to live.”

Davin had looked him square in the eyes, an earnest sort of expression on his face, and said:

“A victim isn’t nearly as palatable as a martyr.”

Previous / Masterlist / Next

[ash-and-books]

Rating: 3.5/5

Book Blurb:

A relatable adult graphic novel about a woman who skips Sunday mass for the first time in her life only to discover she's possibly being possessed by a demon.

As a recovering Irish American Catholic, she has mostly traded the world of communion and confessionals for the “city-girl” struggle of work-life balance, family, and her relationships. The only thing she has not been able to shake is her fear that something bad will happen if she misses Sunday mass.

But her fears become a reality when she skips mass for the first time and discovers she is now being possessed by a demon claiming to be the prince of hell. As she takes matters into her own hands and attempts to exorcise these demons (both the paranormal and emotional kind), Catherine must face her buried guilt and what it truly means to be good.

A cathartic and engaging view into the messy life of an urban women in her early twenties, Anna Meyer's Saint Catherine is truly a story of letting go of guilt and taking responsibilities for your desires, hopes, and mistakes.

Review:

A girl who was raised as an Irish American Catholic finds her life turned upside down when she skips Sunday mass for the first time and begins to think she is possessed by a demon. When your entire life is spent revolved around the being Catholic, it can be hard to separate. After moving out of her family house and living alone, she still has one rule: always attend Sunday mass. Yet when her boyfriend convinces her to skip....things take a turn for the worst as she begins to see a demon, a demon that only appears and talks to her... and she begins to question whether or not she is a good person and why she is condemned to hell. This was a really interesting story about what faith can do to a person and how it can warp our sense of morality. I liked reading the author's explanation and discussion of why they wrote this story and how it was inspired by their own experiences. It's definitely a good read for anyone who is separating from their religious upbringing.

Release Date: April 29,2025

Publication/Blog: Ash and Books (ash-and-books.tumblr.com)

*Thanks Netgalley and First Second Books | 23rd St. for sending me an arc in exchange for an honest review*

[racefortheironthrone]

Do you have any recommendations on where to start reading X-Men comics? I've always found the idea and the characters interesting but the massive amount of content has felt intimidating to say the least.

Sure. Let me update my old recommendations:

First, it's really hard to go wrong with the Claremont run. Marvel Unlimited makes it pretty easy: start with Giant-Size X-Men #1 and then that goes straight into X-Men #94 and, after a few issues where a novice writer in his mid-20s is figuring out how it works, it's all hits for 180-odd issues. However, you don't have to read all 180 issues in one go, and I highly encourage you to treat the Claremont run as a series of interconnected stories that can be enjoyed on their own, a little bit like riding a scenic trolley with a daily fare that lets you hop on and hop off as you please. So what are the classic Claremont stories you should read?

The Phoenix Saga and the Dark Phoenix Saga (#94-138)- ignore the lousy movies, this is the original dyptich space opera triumph and tragedy of how one woman saves the universe with the transcendent power of love and Jewish mysticism, and then is destroyed by men's desire to harness godlike power for their selfish ends. If you're going to read anything of the classics, read this arc because it's brilliant and it'll give you the basics of what you need to know about the X-Men.

Days of Future Past (#141-142)- only two issues, but it's basically the inspiration for the original Terminator franchise - a desperate resistance from a dystopian future where robotic overlords oppress surviving humanity uses time travel to avert their own timeline from ever coming to pass. It's fantastic.

God Loves, Man Kills (Marvel Graphic Novel #5) - the basis for the best bits of X2, it's some of Chris Claremont's best work on the mutant metaphor and a prescient exploration of the power of evangelical religion. Some of the racial politics haven't aged the best since the early 80s, but the rest is straight fire.

The Brood Saga (#154-167) - Chris Claremont watched the Aliens movies and thought "but what if the X-Men fought the Xenomorphs?" and it was awesome. Interesting explorations of when it's right to kill even a lifeform one considers to be evil, the moral quandary of suicide, and space whales.

From the Ashes (#168-179)- meet the Morlocks, is Madelyne Pryor the resurrected Jean Grey, Wolverine goes to Japan - will he marry the head of the Yakuza?, and the intended retirement of Cyclops. Also, some of the best art in the history of the X-Men.

LifeDeath (#186) - Storm loses her powers and learns how to keep on living. Some of Claremont's best writing, and some great Barry Windsor-Smith art.

The Trial of Magneto (#200) - Magneto is put on trial for crimes against humanity. Xavier almost dies and makes Magneto his replacement.

The Mutant Massacre (#210-214) - the first major X-Men crossover and the beginning of the X-Men's time as outlaws on the run. Signals a shift towards darker and more adult themes.

Fall of the Mutants (#220-227) - the X-Men die for our sins and are reborn as Aussies.

Inferno (#239-243) - Madelyn Pryor enacts a Medean programme to revenge herself against a world that treated her as a "nothing person in a nowhere place."

Second, you can read Grant Morrison's run on New X-Men (#114-154), which was both revolutionary in its approach to mutantkind as a minority subculture and was intended by Morrison to be the very last X-Men story. Incredibly influential and powerful writing, even if I don't always agree with their characterizations.

Third, there is a reason why Connor Goldsmith of Cerebrocast calls it "the 2019 soft reboot House of X and Powers of X by writer Jonathan Hickman." HOXPOX requires a bare minimum of knowledge about the X-Men, and it entirely redirected the focus of the X-line and the mutant metaphor itself for the last five years - and, whatever happens in the upcoming Fall of X, will continue to be influential on the future direction of the X-Men for years to come through the X-slack writers' room, which created a collaborative spirit that hasn't existed in X-comics since Chris Claremont was palling around the Lower East Side with Anne Nocenti and Walt & Weezy Simonson.

[chococricket]

OC Dump #1 - "Night's Deceit", OFMD, Carmen Sandiego, etc.

These were named IDK #9 and IDK #11, but they are definitely more about my OC's. On the blue page, we have two OCs from my "Night's Deceit" story, about a strategist who gets metaphorically dumped by the British Army and saved by a pirate crew. He discovers anti-pirate propaganda and what size kink is.

However, "Ash" is from a different universe - being a he/them OC companion to Izzy Hands from Our Flag Means Death (a series I never watched).

The sniper is another, more fleshed-out OC called Reginus Penn, another companion, this time to Shadowsan from "Carmen Sandiego" (I watched this one (animate the OFMD and I will watch it too)).

Yes, older, morally dark grey Japanese men are my weakness. I feel the need to protect them, so I make up Companions for them. Maybe I should call those CompanionOriginalCharacters. Never mind, I just saw what the acronym looks like.

I do not remember who Theodore Carter is.

Wonderland Services were a group of OCs inspired by the old flash game called "Alice is Dead".

Spoilers? I guess?

who would play this game now anyways

In it, we play as a White Rabbit who wakes up with amnesia in a hole in the ground with Alice's corpse - or rather what is left of it. Alice and the gang are all pictured as some sort of hitmen for hire, with the Red Queen being the main antagonist. In the end, they kill the Rabbit, but they are also killed by... Mary Ann? Was she a part of the og Alice in Wonderland lore? Who knows.

And you will be actually able to play it - it has a Steam page! Alice is Dead: Hearts and Diamonds. I will check it out when it comes out in 2025.

Anyhow, I dreamed out a world in which the premise is very similar. Wonderland Services is an assassin/ kill crew/ cleaning crew for hire type of mess. White Rabbit is a sniper in a love triangle with his coworkers, Cheshire Cat (hacker wanted by the F.B.I.) and Mad Hatter (explosives specialist (probably wanted by O.S.H.A. or something)). However, all nicknames are just that, no deformed/ anthropomorphised characters. Most of them live together in a frat-house-type situation and, fun fact, I think this is one and only of my universes (universai?) in which the Knave of Hearts is straight!

Anyhow, we have some orange blorbos and another portrait of Ash in which they show their beautiful teeths.

[lilyandthegenshinbrainrot]

Fontaine: Lolita + Coppélia

So the dancing couple is inspired by the story Coppélia,,,

The script in game was written, but never published so it looks like in the efforts of the public to,, recreate the story of Coppélia,,, they wrote Dr. Coppelius and Coppelia in a Lolita scenario ?? where he as the creator was in love with his automated creation ??

The reference I specifically noticed is that he calls her "my love, my sin, my soul" which is,, a direct fucking quote of the narrator from the book.

And that line... it's fascinating how it comes from the point of this evil man trying to justify himself and make it all sound more acceptable, while damning himself in the same sentences.

It's clever writing but in a deplorable character study, which makes it all the more interesting that Genshin has included it for Fontaine

Bc on top of the obvious French aspects of the ballet Coppélia, having the citizens of Fontaine interpret the unpublished story of the automations turn from the plot of a young man turning from his fiancee to the doll in the window, believing her to be a real woman only for his lover to expose the doll as a doll to regain his affections,,,,, into the plot of a dollmaker in a morally questionable relationship with his doll to the point where she outlives and dreams of the day of joining him in death..... (< not the exact plot of Lolita itself but that reference and the romance aspect is the reference)

well it's curious given the human trafficking issue that is primarily centered on young girls being stolen away that has been going on for decades in the nation of justice esp since lolita is from the pov of that man who was in jail recounting his days when he was freely alone with his stepdaughter, waiting for his trial, but dying before ever being sentenced.

"She said I was her ruler and her god. She said Lousie was gone, and let us make love right away. She said I must forgive her or she would die." - Lolita

"The one who created me and gave me life has already big an eternal farewell to this mortal coil, and when these rusted gears return to the same ash as his bones, all sin will be forgotten, and for flesh and bone, to be forgotten is to be forgiven" - "Clockwork Coppelia" Excerpts

Coppelia wishes for forgiveness, presumably the same as her creator having except she says the sin is only forgiven when it is forgotten, but she fails to grant the forgiveness by remembering him and telling others that she is waiting for her death in the same way he died.

The fontaine research of philosophy place studied sumeru machinery, the guards of the temples. Deshret built those machines in the hopes to protect his people and to keep part of himself alive should his goddess return So for Coppelia to have these similar desires,, but opposite bc she awaits reunited in death and not in life

This could be a reflection of Deshret being a game representative of Ra and the emphasis of life after death in Egyptian culture but. dk

Continuing. His machinery hasn't been affirmed as being made of forbidden knowledge in the same way that Gold's were And his are known for having sentience. As seen by Faruzan's hangout and Tighnari's story quests, as his cores affected the Khaenri'ahn machinery

Which,,, brings us back to Khaenri'ah, as all things do.

Bc outside Sumeru, outside those Khaenri'ahn apologists, the Khaenri'ahn ruin machines are violent and immediately attack on sight. The sins of the nation are largely forgotten, but in Sumeru, we see the Kshahrewar Darshan romanticize and honor Khaenri'ah tech,,, and they are responsive to it.

The sins of the nation are not forgotten, and so the machines are still alive.

[the-library-and-the-teashop]

The Jasmine Throne

&

The Oleander Sword

Author: Tasha Suri

Genre: fantasy

Format: novel

Serie: yes, named The Burning Kingdoms. Third and last book (The Lotus Empire) out in November.

Editions: Orbit

Romance: wlw, slow burn, no love triangle.

Other representation(s): brown-skinned characters (full cast) as the story takes place in a country inspired by India.

TW: forced captivity, non consensual drug use, feminicides, death by fire, death by various means, grief, hallucinations, fratricide, verbal et physical abuse on a child by her brother, religious fanatism, sexism, systemic homophobia, body horror, war.

Rating: 8/10

Tea association: a chai in the pure Indian tradition, the heat of the spices and the strength of the black tea, softened by the milk. Or a jasmine tea for the empress and for the the plants Priya grows.

.

Synopsis of The Jasmine Throne:

Author of Empire of Sand and Realm of Ash Tasha Suri's The Jasmine Throne, beginning a new trilogy set in a world inspired by the history and epics of India, in which a captive princess and a maidservant in possession of forbidden magic become unlikely allies on a dark journey to save their empire from the princess's traitor brother.

Imprisoned by her dictator brother, Malini spends her days in isolation in the Hirana: an ancient temple that was once the source of the powerful, magical deathless waters — but is now little more than a decaying ruin.

Priya is a maidservant, one among several who make the treacherous journey to the top of the Hirana every night to clean Malini’s chambers. She is happy to be an anonymous drudge, so long as it keeps anyone from guessing the dangerous secret she hides.

But when Malini accidentally bears witness to Priya’s true nature, their destinies become irrevocably tangled. One is a vengeful princess seeking to depose her brother from his throne. The other is a priestess seeking to find her family. Together, they will change the fate of an empire.

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My thoughts:

Malini and Priya aren't the only characters we'll be following in this epic tapestry of a story. Bhumika, the last temple sister of Priya still alive is an important part of the story, as is Ashok, the third and last temple child alive with the other two girls. Rao often gives a different perspective and is an important support character. A handful of other characters give their point of view through out the two books. All of them combined tell us this story of war.

Because war, along with religion, is the central theme of those books. Some of the characters fight for power, other for survival. Some fight for their loved ones, other for freedom and their way of life.

The first book is about survival and escape. Getting to safety. Cutting a deal. Many deals actually. The characters want freedom and peace, but are not against fighting for it.

The second book is all about war. About the rise of an empress and the fall of an emperor, mirroring what happens in Ahiranya.

The third book will probably be about war too, but against a far greater enemy.

With all those struggles going on, there's not that much room for anything else, but it's there. Emotions. Love. Two women falling for each other in the midst of chaos. A mother cherishing her infant daughter. Friendship and brotherhood. But there's also grief, longing, hate, terror.

Faith and magic are also central themes in the books. Both always means sacrifice, but that sacrifice has to be done by a willing person. Magic comes from that willing sacrifice. However, sometimes the person seeking power doesn't know what it would cost them. Sometimes it's their life, sometimes their soul, or even their body. But it's never without a price.

As the plot unfold in front of you, you realise that not everything is morally clear cut. You realise that what you thought you knew about this or that was wrong, or wasn't as simple as you previously thought. The plot is beautifully woven, and I can't wait to finally read the last book. I feel like it's gonna be a killer!

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A word about the cover art:

I'm not the biggest fan of the first book cover, which if I'm not mistaken, depicts Priya.

The second book cover is better, showing Malini with a murderous look her saber in her hand, though it's a little too green to my taste.

The last book cover though... It's stupendous! The colors, the details, the movements, the poses, everything is eye-catching. Priya in her green sari has lotus flowers growing in her hands and is surrounded by her greens. Malini in the back in her white and gold sari, the colors or Paridjat, is surrounded by fire, wielding fire. From what the ending of the Oleander Sword is hinting, that cover art seems really fitting for what's ahead!

[ianthe-is-a-bitch-and-i-love-her]

@tinker-tanner referring to this post.

I definitely enjoyed reading them! Ashes of the Sun I would recommend unambiguously; it's not a perfect book, but I really enjoyed it. It's a sort of low sci-fi fantasy that proudly takes inspiration from Star Wars. If like the idea of a story where the Jedi and Sith are both more morally grey and that cares a lot about the normal people that get caught in the crossfire of that conflict, this might just be your new favorite series.

I also thought The Shadow Campaigns were enjoyable reads, but I'll put a few caveats on that recommendation. First, it's one of the author's older works, so the plot is a little less imaginative and a little less deftly executed, and there are a few choices that come right up to the line of some unfortunate implications, especially in the orientalism department. I think it managed to stay clear of anything too nasty, and I the author took deliberate care to avoid racist stereotypes in his depictions, but there are one or two spots that I think he could have thought through a little bit better. Second, the series is low fantasy military fiction. If you do not enjoy detailed descriptions of massed battles and the tactics that govern them, you will not enjoy these books. I do enjoy that kind of stuff, and even I will say that the first book had one battle too many, which caused it to drag a bit in the middle. Third, the books are set in an intensely misogynistic world. Gendered and sexual violence is present in the foreground and background, and the conditions surrounding and arising from that are explored. I didn't find it gratuitous - it was generally present for a specific purpose, which it accomplished effectively - but if you would find that upsetting, then this isn't the series for you. If you are interested, the first book is The Thousand Names

[dazzlerazz]

Three Hopes DLC Wishlist

A masterpost of things I wished for in the past for a Three Hopes DLC

Subject to be edited and is admittedly half finished cuz I realize I left this in the drafts and then forgot and I did not proofread lol

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Gameplay

A bit for myself, but a paralogue betweeen Byleth and Shez where they test their strength against each other, like training, where you switch to playing Byleth halfway through. It eventually comes out to a tie regardless of how well the character played

Alternate training grounds maps. I mentioned it in another post, but Constance as a unit is SPECIFICALLY hindered by the current training yard map, as its always sunny. There's also so many times you can train in the same small rectangular boringly-brown place before you just stop trying to use the training feature. Here is the aforementioned post

Easier S Rank Cycles of Nostalgia Paralogue. Possible other units to play as, potentially other nameless soldiers, like a gremory, a wyvern flier, and an armored unit. It is grueling to run around the entire battlefield as a single unit, I spent lots of time trying to get S rank, something I've complained about in multiple posts

Story

Azure Gleam - Fix Edelgard's role in the story

I went into this in multiple posts, but I don't like how Edelgard was dealt with in Azure Gleam. It felt like the developers intentionally took her out of a villain role and put her into the role of "trapped heroine", a clearly right vs wrong storyline with Thales instead of moral gray between routes like it was in Houses. I know this is something a dlc would not be able to fix, but I'm putting it in here anyway cuz I can

A return to Abyss. Sitri is absent in Hopes, because of course she is. Maybe there would be a paralogue if Byleth and Jeralt survive that bring them back to the monastery to find Sitri. I don't have any ideas for this at the moment

The return of the cut Blackened Embers

Characters

Post timeskip outfits for most church members. Hopes had the option to do this, as it was a complaint in Houses, but it was never done

Playable Hanneman, Gilbert, Anna, Alois, and Cyril, who were all playable in Houses

Hanneman and Manuela both can be recruited outside of Scarlet Blaze, whereas in the game they're both route locked to SB

Caspar and Ashe support chain

Little Things

Change a unit's outfit to their post timeskip Houses outfit

The return of dlc costumes. Make costumes able to be worn by any gender, unchanged to how they look in Houses (ex. suits for the girls and maid outfits for the boys)

More interactions with characters of your choice that feel more personal. We have expeditions, and to four locations at that, it would be nice to have something else just like it. Also the ability to go to a fifth location, tho I'm not sure what. I mentioned this in another post, but possibility the ability to leave off of wyverns instead of horses (inspired by Yuri's being allergic to horses)

Outfit accessories, such as glasses, bows, or other hair accessories, similar to how it is in (base) FE Engage

Alternate Lighter Asura outfit. The original looks bulky, more like a tanky unit, where Shez's original armor looks lightweight and easy to move around it. This is just a me thing, but maybe an alternate Asura outfit. it is possible to use Shez's lighter armor while in the Asura class, but cmon, that's no fun!

MORE SAVE SLOTS

Shez

Alternate hairstyles for Shez. More specifically, a longer hair alt for M!Shez and a shorter alt for F!Shez

Camp

A return of fishing. Please. I really liked the fishing minigame in Houses.