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mysilaan · 3 months

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What’s sleeping with the Touchstarved LIs like? Nothing sexual. Just. Sleeping lol eepy pals

I like imagining Ais moving in his sleep BUT you only get to notice that once you wake up lol (he’s curled up in the corner of your bed fast asleep with the blanket at his feet) ALSO BIG BUT!!!!! That’s only if he’s not cuddling you to sleep (smth he does often). Only then will he sleep sound and motionless. He doesn’t give a shit if his arm falls asleep. GIVE HIM CUDDLES.

Sleeping with Leander is just with him standing in the corner of the room. Unblinking. Covered in the shadows. He Does Not Sleep. He’s normal though, I swear :-) :-) jk I love to have this man.

HELLO ANON

Hope you’re good! I love this request… I don’t know if Ais sleeps actually… But if he does I’m sure he’s a light sleeper. For Leander that guy might as well be dying from lack of sleep LMAO

For the other LIs… Kuras definitely doesn’t sleep, I think Mhin is pretty paranoid so I’m imagining they have a lot of nightmares, or insomnia… For Vere, idk why but he gives off the vibe of the heavy sleeper: he’s 100% taking all the place in the bed and is impossible to wake up against his will… Well, basically a cat.

BUT I did write a little something about Ais (and a small part about Leander) because your ideas were funny to write, I had to…

After blood, sweat and tears it's finally here... And I can't not thank @aiscapades for helping me edit the text (most of the prettiest sentences are their...) if you ever write something I'll definitely devour it because you sublimed this headcanon...

Enjoy!! 🫶

TOUCHSTARVED HEADCANON🍒

Ais and Leander centered

⭐

The ambiance at the Wet Wick that night was quite festive, as it almost always was, but it was particularly noisy this time. The barman didn’t have a second to rest; every minute, someone went to the bar to order another drink. You were seated with Leander and Ais in a corner of the tavern, the three of you sharing a drink or several... The mood between you was light. Leander and Ais were lightheartedly sharing some death threats as usual, while you were listening to them, a grin on your face. You were pretty wasted because of all the drinks Leander suggested you try, while Ais was giving you a disapproving glance. It felt kind of awkward to be the only drunk one around the table you thought while partially listening to whatever they were saying. You didn’t like being treated like an idiot, so you stopped the boys in one of their quarrels by slamming your hand in the center of the table. “Why am I the only one who can’t hold my drink here? I find it pretty unfair. Why did you make me drink so much?” Ais raised an eyebrow. “I don’t think it’s about how badly you hold your drink, but much more because of how many of those weird drinks you got from Leander.” That remark made you pretty upset, and Leander’s laughter turned your cheeks more red than they already were. “I can’t refuse a challenge!” “Yeah, that’s the problem,” Ais added. Leander leaned over the table to get his face closer to yours. “You know, I’m pretty impressed you’re still alive with all that you drank.” You didn’t know if he was serious or not. The smile on his face could be a hint of sarcasm or genuine amazement… You were too drunk to guess which one it was anyway, so you started joking. “Oh babe… You know it’s hard to get rid of me.” “Really…?” Leander answered with a smirk on his face. The tension between the two of you started getting heavier… Did he want to make out with you or kill you? You had no idea, and you would never be able to know as Ais pulled Leander back on his chair by the collar of his jacket. “If you want to mate so badly, the room’s upstairs.” “We’re not animals,” you simply said. “Are you, Sparrow?” He grinned widely, proud of his teasing. “Har har. Very funny. I already told you to stop calling me that!” “Make me.” His lips were pulled back in a wide grin, his amusement giving a clear view of his fangs.

A sudden thought that you couldn’t restrain, popped in your head. Your alcoholised mind was making it hard for you to process any coherent thought, so you simply stood up and looked straight in Ais’ eyes. “Come.” You turned your head toward Leander, and stared at him in a weird way for a few seconds as if you wanted to tell him something by telepathy. But you didn't add any further clarification. Instead, you stood up from the table and made your way up the tavern stairs. “What the fuck…" Ais breathed, dumbfounded. The two boys sat in silence for a while, gazes locked across the table, before Ais got up and joined you upstairs. The place was barely lit by a single candle in the corner of the room. Ais closed the door behind him before asking: “What’s wrong with you?” You took him by the shoulders to make him sit on your bed… But as strong as he was, there wasn't much you could do to actually make him do that. “Please, sit.” He raised an eyebrow. “I don’t receive orders.” Though, when you tried to push him on your bed once again, he did sit. You were now face to face. His towering height usually made it hard for you to make eye contact, but you could do it effortlessly now. You climbed on the bed yourself, placing your knees at both extremities of his body, now placing yourself over him. You took his face between your hands and looked at it in detail from beneath you. He had a captivating red gaze, surrounded by pretty, long eyelashes. Long, dark strands of hair cut across his face, bisecting it just along his nose, but you still knew the angles of his features well. From the scar on his left eyebrow to his defined jawline, you looked at everything there was to see on his face. “Getting an eyeful, Sparrow?” You reddened. Sitting here next to him, you only now realized just how heavy your body felt from all those drinks. You swayed forward some, accidentally nudging Ais, which just sent him further down to the bed. Your face found a spot against his neck, and you inhaled a breath. He smelled good: his scent was a mix of cigarette, what seems to be some cologne and a bit of all the alcohol he drank earlier. Your heart started beating faster and you prayed for him not to notice. He couldn’t know you had feelings for him. It’s at this moment that his hands tensed on your shoulders, in an attempt to pull you back.

“Hey, get off. You’re clearly drunk.” But you didn't answer, nor did you move. He held firm, raising his voice a bit as he said once more, "Sparrow." What should've been an inquisitive prompt was instead flattened into a curt demand for a response. He started to maneuver you onto your back, intending to just let you fall gently into the mattress, but he froze mid-action. "You can't be serious..." he muttered, eyes wide. You were sound asleep, still clinging to his arm. Ais sighed out of frustration one more time, asking himself what to do. But he didn’t think about it much longer. “Well… Let’s just stay here for tonight.” He put himself under the sheets, covering you with them at the same time.

⭐

You were cold. Goosebumps lined the flesh of your body. You slowly woke up, searching for your blanket. When you finally felt its fabric under your fingers, you grabbed it to cover yourself, but a stronger pull on the other edge of it almost tore your arm apart (once again…). You sat up on your bed with a start and gasped when you saw who was at the other edge. “What the… Ais?” What was he doing in your bed? Your first move was to look at how you were dressed, and when you noticed that you still had on the clothes you wore yesterday, you let out a relieved sigh. Ais got immediately woken up when you spoke and looked at you with annoyance. “Keep it down, would you?” “Hey! You’re the one in my room, stealing my blanket. What are you doing here?” But instead of answering, his head snapped toward something in the middle of the room. It was still dark outside, so it was hard for you to see what got his attention. “What is it?!” you asked, panicked. When your eyes finally adapted to the bit of light the moon was offering, a scream escaped from your mouth. “What the fuck?!” Leander was there, sat on a chair, feet laid on the low table of your bedroom. His arms were crossed and he was simply looking at the two of you from where he was, unblinking. “Is he… sleeping with his eyes open?” you asked Ais. But he didn’t answer. Leander did. “No, I’m awake.” He surprised you once more, and you let out another brief, startled scream. “Since when are you here?!” “Oh. Four hours maybe?” Your jaw dropped. How could he answer that with such casualness? “What… When do you sleep?” Leander got up from his chair and opened the door with a smile. “I don’t.” He left you completely agape. It wasn’t the first time Leander was giving off such strange vibes, but the more you got to know him, the weirder he was to you. When you turned toward Ais to ask him if what happened was a normal thing from Leander, you noticed he disappeared too. “Well…” You couldn’t find it in you to get back to sleep after what happened, and you stayed awake until you could see the sun rise. You told yourself that maybe you should talk to Kuras about what just happened; he was the most ‘normal’ one of this weird group, and you were going to need something for your hangover anyway… You’ll remember to lock your door next time.

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houpss · 7 months

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Hey, can I ask you to write about those little moments between Chan and Lily? maybe their daily life?

I love your work so much, it literally makes me shine and realize that Lily makes people happy 😭☺️

🧊–Peiring:Bang Chan x Hwang Lily ¡!✥

This will be more like a headcanon, simply because I love headcanons and some of my own ideas.I'm also preparing their message, which you will see soon.

🧊–return to masterlist ¡! ✥

There are references to sex! Not recommended for reading by persons under a certain age

Chan, who takes care of Lily even if he is far away from her. Evening calls, where they talk for so long and talk about their day, small reminder messages, Lily’s mentions in the bubble about the chan and vice versa.

I think she'll sit on his lap while he works on music. Lily's back is pressed against Chan's strong chest, his big hot hand is on her waist, and the other is typing on the laptop. Chan is much calmer and more pleasant to work when his loved one is next to him.

Lily puts him to bed when he has insomnia. She literally asks the manager at night to take her to the second dorm, because when Chan has insomnia, he becomes so soft and talkative :(((

Chan always checks Lily's bag for documents, water, snacks and pads. If she didn’t take any of this, then he will definitely replenish the supplies, and take the documents and carry them himself. Lily's period is not a common topic, but you always need to prepare.

Chan definitely writes songs about Lily! for example Silent Cry or Connected...

Weekend together and with the boys! the guys are having fun somewhere in front, and Chan and Lily walk behind them, holding hands and watching the guys. Sometimes Lily also fools around and Chan likes it so much

There is a song about Chan in Lily's solo album 😉

Lily really helped Chan fall in love with himself, because she loves him so much! she made him believe that he was loved, wonderful, handsome and that everyone needed him so much.

They fly together to Australia to visit Chan's family! ohhh how they love Lily 🥹 Hannah and Lily text a lot, Lily is so interested in this girl. Chan's parents are so kind to Lily and so respectful of Son's choice. Lily keeps in touch with Chan's mom through messengers! Berry is so cute around them.

Lily once invited Chan to have a wedding in Sydney and BOY WAS SO CONFUSED...after all, they had never thought or talked about the possibility of getting married, it was too early for that)

I think that Lily may well be running and jumping in the corridors of the company, and Chan runs after her and tries to calm her down, but he also laughs out loud because of Lily's antics

Stay ship them so much and do so many edits, works and other things with them, but they don’t even imagine that this is all reality :)))

Neither Chan nor Lily like that the company uses them as a method of promotion, and Lily quarrels a lot with the directors.

About Lily...she threatened the director of the company to allow them to continue "Chan's room". Lily took this with a huge risk, but she knew how Chan and Stay liked “Chan’s room” and Lily achieved her goal! The director is wary of Lily on some occasions.

Chan scolded her then, but was so grateful to her.

And the members tease them so much about relationships! and often parody them, most of all Hyunjin and Minho do this.

Chan knows what to do when Lily has severe anxiety attacks. He wraps her in a soft hug, strokes her hands and tells her different stories, it helps her so much to distract herself. He calls her very gently and helps her not to think or feel.

About Lily's Family...oh, first of all, her father hates her because she's an idol and doesn't talk to him anymore. Secondly, he doesn't know that Lily is in a Relationship with Chan. Lily's mother secretly supports her daughter and even attended the Stray kids concert in Seoul in 2023. Lily cried so much then :(((Chan knows Lily’s mother! and she blessed their relationship, which is very important.

HE LOVES HER BOOBS, JUST ACCEPT IT.

About sex

Chan is quite soft, but he is clearly a dom! but there were literally several times when Lily took that leading position

I think he likes soft sex in the morning, filled with praise and vanilla talk.

Soft sex after a hard day and hard, teasing sex when Chan wants Lily to beg and whine

As for oral fixation, they have it equally. They both love it and give it to each other whenever they want.

Lily can also dominate when she just wants to.

He teases Lily even outside the house.

Their favorite position: Lily lying on her back on the mattress (their favorite place is the bed), Lily's legs wrapped around the vat's hips as he thrusts into her.

Sometimes! possible games with vibrators or hyperstimulation.

perhaps (!) he will forbid her to cum, he is so pleased when she begs and whines.

I think Chan is very loud in bed and Lily has soft moans but whines a lot when she gets too horny.

#stray kids headcanons #stray kids x reader #bang chan x reader #lily skz #skz 9th member #stray kids 9th member #kpop female member #stray kids smut #stray kids female addition #stray kids female member #stray kids female oc #bang chan smut #bang chan #dom!bang chan #skz female member #skz female addition #skz headcanons #skz x reader

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sweetmariihs2 · 8 months

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🪄Cedric The Sorcerer headcanons 🔮💫

*it's a big post and the headcanons are pretty diverse*

I lost half of this post because Tumblr didn't save it, then I rewrote it and even continued to write a little more, but again Tumblr deleted everything and returned to the first version of the post. I spent from midnight until 5:40 am writing this and I simply lost the text. I rewrote everything again :) I literally cried out of frustration, the post was almost done

I found some parts in my cell phone "área the transferência" (that thing when you copy a text and the last things you copied remain there), I tried to organize it and rewrite everything that I lost, but I still feel like there's something missing.

Edit: I fixed some grammar errors. I know there's more, but I couldn't find it. English is not my main language!!

Cedric's unhealthy habits (before Sofia entering the castle and after) and how he deals with his insomnia

I don't know if this counts as headcanon since it's practically canon, but I believe that Cedric is not very healthy, he has a very unbalanced sleep schedule, he doesn't eat well and he doesn't exercise. The things he does most all day are preparing spells and potions, and reading.

I think a lot about what pre-Sofia Cedric was like. I think his habits were even worse, and he was even more bitter and antisocial. He had a terrible posture and was always tired and moody, had dark circles due to lack of sleep. I also believe that there moments quite constantly where his vision would go dark and he would suddenly become weak. He always seemed sick and pale, quiet, and when he interacted he made mistakes in front of everyone and everyone saw him as an idiot, weird-looking guy. Sofia brought him some motivation (getting the amulet of Avalor) and that's why he seemed more active and minimally healthier after she arrived. Maybe before he was just very tired and was hopeless of gaining the recognition of the people in the castle, but after finding a chance in the amulet, he became more motivated and active.

He stays up all night reading and making potions (even Wormwood sleeps more than him), only to leave his tower in the morning to get breakfast trying to act invisible, so that no one sees his presence there, and so they don't ask him to do anything he doesn't want to do.

For context: I believe that breakfasts at the castle are like hotel breakfasts, a room full of food where everyone can take what they want and leave without having to pay anything at all. This goes for all meals and the royal family has their own dining room, because of course, they are the royal family.

I imagine both pre-sofia and during-sofia Cedric staying up all night reading and passing his time, only to go get his breakfast early in the morning (he hasn't eaten since about 10 hours ago, and his last snack was a jam sandwich) and having to face everyone in the castle together in the same hall walking everywhere, trying to act as unremarkable as possible, to prevent anyone from bothering him (it's very easy to notice him, he's the only one who wears a black robe and walks like that. no one just cares enough to notice him there). And then Baileywick appears full of information and orders sent directly by the king, while Cedric rolls his eyes and replies exhausted that he will do it (his attempt to hide failed).

I can imagine him (mostly pre-Sofia Cedric) going to the kitchen at night to get some snacks, and he knows he won't go to breakfast in the morning because something humiliating happened to him at his last meal and he refuses to face all those people publicly again.

Pre-Sofia Cedric constantly forgot to eat because of his work and when he did eat, it was never healthy food. He was hungry and starting to feel weird because his last meal was 10 hours ago? He's gonna get just a piece of apple pie.

Pre-Sofia Cedric didn't had the energy to do his own tasks, let alone useless favors for James and Amber or entertain the king's parties. Today he can do this easily, as he is a little healthier (and more motivated) but before it was a sacrifice. What always kept him busy were the tasks he set out to do himself, such as reading magic books he hadn't yet specialized in, making potions he hadn't yet made to add them to his collection (if he ever needs them). As I said, today he does that easily, because his health is a lot better, and he can balance it with his other tasks and practicing his hobbies or taking care of himself, even spending time with Sofia.

Pre-Sofia Cedric definitely deals with insomnia (till this day) and the vast majority of the time he doesn't sleep through the night, to the extent that many in the castle are already aware that Cedric is a night owl and is always awake, no matter how late it is. This is why he sometimes takes naps in the afternoon, but this only happens when he is so exhausted that his eyes can barely stay open, sleeping for 1h30 only to stay awake for another 22h without breaks. Now that his habits are a little less unhealthy than before (they're still bad) he sleeps maybe 3-4 hours per night. But he still need to take naps during the day and yes some nights he doesn't sleep at all, it's just not as often as before.

I think that during the nights when he can't sleep he stares at the moon from his window, or goes out of his tower to take a walk in the garden, or even in the castle. There's something so comforting in staying up late. During the day there's people everywhere, conversations happening, events where someone needs his help. During the night everything is silent and he can have his own moment, there's no people to disapprove him or order him to do something he doesn't want to do. Cedric is definitely a night person.

There's a book that I like that I won't give too many details about, but there's a character who simply doesn't sleep at night and the entire staff from the establishment is used to it. She is a patient in a mental hospital, all the patients are sleeping, and she just stays in the living room, because everyone has already accepted that she doesn't sleep, that's a fact. She spends her time reading, smoking, painting her nails, sometimes talking to the nurses. I imagine the dynamic is similar, but the difference is that Cedric is a little more antisocial. Everyone knows that he doesn't sleep and they couldn't care less about it.

(Cedric fanfiction dating a maid he met during the nights he was walking through the castle because he couldn't sleep???? Hell yes. Late night talks in that giant castle, everything is silent besides the echo of their voices in the halls and their footsteps, knowing that unlike the day, the night is very calm and they can rest in peace, without worrying about obligations. Talking in whispers 👀 silent kisses omg)

I can totally imagine him encountering Sofia at late night just walking in the castle, and he's just like "Sofia? Why are you awake?" Because he's usually the only person who stays up that late (except for some guards and maids). And then she tells him she can't sleep so that's why she's not in her room. They spend some time talking to eachother about how everything is being so overwhelming recently.

He doesn't know how to deal with his new life, now that everyone seems to praise him as a good sorcerer and that he saved Sofia's life. He loves the fact that he's finally being recognized, but it's just something he's not used to. Sometimes when people are telling him about how amazing his spells are, or the King tells someone about how good is his royal sorcerer, or his new fame on the kingdom. He was treated badly so many times that everything seems so unreal. It makes him wonder if he really deserves everything that is happening, or if people are really telling the truth. (And I say this based in my own experience, that feeling is so real)

What if some citizen girls are screaming his name in royal parades or when he goes to the village? He has a fanclub now???? People want to date HIM??? And he just smiles and waves because he just doesn't know how to react to all of this, and the girls starts to scream out of happiness or some of them pass out and he goes "Oh no... my bad.. i'm sorry :(". Even younger girls that are really too young for him, that's certanly something he wasn't expecting to happen. Baileywick makes fun of him saying that he's such a heartbraker now, Cedric rolls his eyes.

Hey that looks like a good one shot prompt (after his redemption arc), a witch who admires him a lot because of what she heard about him finally gets the chance to live in the castle (because of other circunstances), and now she has the chance to meet Cedric. And Cedric is surprised by how she treats him like he was some kind of hero, because only he knows the humiliations he went through.

Pre-Sofia Cedric usually watched the balls from the window of his tower instead of participating with them. He didn't felt welcomed, and even if he was indeed there, people would just stare at him like he's some kind of ghost or a disgrace and his night would be terrible. He was invited, obviously, all the castle's employees are, but he would never fit in there. He felt sad, excluded at some point, alone- but all his sadness turned into bitterness as he watched all those royals, riches and other employees of the castle having fun and partying, like he was supposed to do. Cedric would only make a fool out of himself if he ever thought about stepping there, and he didn't needed to! He didn't wanted to go anyways! Or at least that's what he told himself...

Cedric's love life (+how he views love and his past experiences)

I actually made a headcanons post about who his first love may be: Queen Lorelei. That's not a really popular headcanon but I'm not the first person to talk about it, and once you read about the subject you'll see that it's actually a pretty nice headcanon, so give it a try.

Cedric doesn't believe in "true love", "love at first sight", "true love kiss" (until it's his turn to experience that). Well he does, because there's magic about it, there are many stories of princesses that just had their happy ending because of a true love kiss and everything, there are many spells and curses where love is involved. But he thinks romantic people are so naive, they live for love like there's nothing else in their lives that it's better to do. He has work to be done, you know? People say "mimimi true love" and he just slightly rolls his eyes and huffs (when deep inside he wish he was one of these people. Oh to have someone to love). But when he's in love he's lovesick and can't think about anything else just like those he found irritating. Such hypocrite.

But when he suffers a love frustration (like that one with Sasha) he realizes again that love is irritating and his previous thoughts return. But deep inside he knows that they're not true, he's just bitter because he's single.

HE'S BISEXUAL !!1!1!1!!1!111!1!1!!!!1!!!!1!1

But he doesn't know that this actually has a name so it's more like, he just experiences his feelings and just know that they're feelings, that's all

I believe that during most of his life he only had girl crushes, and it didn't happened that often because he wasn't used to be really focused on anyone. These girls crushes happened when he was a kid to when he was a teenager. But during his young-adult years he started to notice that sometimes he found some masculine traits atractive. At first he was really confused by that, because he thought he liked only woman, but apparently no. Nowadays he already understands how he feels and just treats it normally.

He doesn't like to talk about his love life (he gets nervous sharing such intimate information about himself with people)(and he is single which makes the situation even worse, being in his 30s without someone) and then everyone assumes that he only likes women, and that he's naturally a bachelor because it is what it is. No one is interested in a weird old guy like him. (I am)

Imagine a group of maids talking to eachother in the kitchen while doing their tasks and mentioning "what about that royal sorcerer? he's always lonely. I don't think he has a lover or something, or else we would know" and the other one mentions "he's too scary to get along with anyone. not exactly scary, but he's weird, very slender, always crawling around. I highly doubt any lady would want to have anything to do with him."

(Bonus points if someone put a similar scene in that Cedric x maid character fic, and our protagonist is just silently infiltrated among them knowing that she was kissing him last night, and she responds to them "don't be so hard on him, he's not that bad. he is actually very polite." And the rest of the maids just react like "hmmmm very polite sure girl what else do you have to tell us? Are you hiding something? Do you know something that we don't?")

Cedric doesn't talk much about his romantic interests, implying to everyone else that he doesn't care (which is true), but it's also because he gets nervous about sharing this information. That's why the few people who silently wonder about it just assume that he just likes woman, because he never tells anyone about being interested neither in woman neither in man. And he also avoids talking about it because needs to admit out loud that he is a 3_ year old man and that he's single, and he doesn't want to put himself through this humiliation. The best thing to do is worry about his spells, he's too busy to talk or to think about that. (Deep inside wishing he had someone)

He's like that single uncle for Sofia. You know, a variation from the "cats aunt" and instead he's the "spells uncle". Absolutely no bitches, but his shelf is full of potions and books. Single uncle Cedric!!!!!!!!! (He hates it)

I think he had many crushes in his life but never really had the oportunity to date someone, or this person wasn't interested, or he was too dedicated in his studies. Imagine a younger him in his teenage days (or even in his childhood) really liking someone but too embarassed to say anything. Or when he goes to the person he tries to start a conversation but then his mentor just goes like "no we don't have time for this, you need to train now" and pulls him to practice his spells again. He never had the chance to date anyone, and even if he said something to the person, this person probably would make fun of him because of his reputation in the school.

That makes me wonder if he ever had any past lovers or if he didn't even had the oportunity because everyone saw him as a loser. Teenage Cedric occupies my mind longer than I'd like to admit

I think that the idea of him having past lovers is nice, but at the same time it doesn't fit very well for some reason? Imagine him talking to Sofia "Oh... ___.... she was my first love... I wonder how her life is going today" after she asked "Mr Cedric have you ever loved someone?"

Actually I think he would say first "Sofia, what kind of question is that? Um.. I don't know, I mean... there was a person, but it was a long time ago... her name was ___...."

I never told you guys but I write fanfiction too (top 10 useless facts) and I never wrote for Cedric

I have a big question for you rn: do you guys think he's a virgin? 👀 I think it makes sense actually

His way of flirting is compliments and acts of service. He would never, in the first option at least, directly show interest with phrases like "are you single?", "you're really cute." He would be extremely gentlemanly, he would offer the way for his romantic interest to pass, he would open doors, pull out chairs, offer his arm for his "lover" to hold. Everything would be very subtle, as he wouldn't hit on their romantic interest, but instead would be extremely polite, interested in their company, things that would make them say "Oh, thank you so much, you're such a gentleman" and he would just blush and smile. And he would absolutely say "We are courting", rather than any other word. He would ask their permission to start treating it like this, something like "Can I court you from now on? I understand if you don't want to."

It's easy to make him flustered since he has no romantic experience. Even a simple question about his love life can make him nervous. And if it's a crush who's responding to his light flirtations he becomes very giggly. Even a small crush can have him in their hands.

He certainly has a thing for confident woman (they can make him stutter and feel nervous pretty easily). You know those woman who have that strong feminine energy? His legs get all wobbly.

But he likes delicate girls too. He just needs to assume a different role in the supposed relationship they would have, and his treatment would be more responsible and more chivalrous.

In my opinion, his tastes are the exact opposites. He likes feminine woman, the most confident and mature ones (like Sascha) and the most delicate and sweet ones. But for men he likes very masculine men, who are more than himself, like strong guys, or even, in not so extreme cases, just someone who's similar to him but who has a more confident and mature attitude, that knows what he's doing. Because Cedric constantly feels like he doesn't know, that he's very insecure, so when he sees someone attractive and confident, he gets all nervous and giggly, and offers his services.

I think he would like chancellor Esteban from Elena Of Avalor tbh. Guys like him

Oh my god

Cedric's academic life and his young years

What reputation you may ask? I think he always was like this, being nervous and making mistakes. During that episode where him and Sofia go to Hexley Hall, nobody seems surprised by his failures. Not even in "The Day Of The Sorcerers" episode. Everyone is too familiarized with him being a failure and I think he was bullied in school because of that (most specifically when he was a teenager)

Was he always shy and insecure in front of everyone, or he was dedicated to his studies and when people said "hey let's do something together?" He responded with "I can't, I need to study" and this person just said "omg you're always studying, you have no life don't you?"

"I need to study so I can get better and better everyday", just like he said in his song during the episode "Substitute Cedric"

He can't concentrate if there's too much noise. Imagine him doing a test and he just can't read the paper because there's someone behind him banging their wand on the table and this makes him fail the test. "Ok class, we're going to have a practice test this time, Cedric please turn this feather into glass" and when he was about to make it someone made a bad comment about expecting him not being able to do the spell and because of that he turns the feather into mud, and everybody laughs. People in the school know him as a failure too because this kind of thing always happened.

I found this on pinterest:

That's why if one day he confess his feelings for someone at school this person would laugh at him, and maybe that's why he never did. Or he did and that exact thing happened, so he never did it again.

He was a bookworm. Loved to sneak out of the dorm at night to read books in the library, whether they were magic books to complement his studies, or just story books. He has spent whole nights and evenings there. He does this till this day, like I said before.

Cedric's teenage years in Hexley Hall with the rest of the sorcerers (Greylock, Grimtrix,+) just makes me think about Dead Poets Society. Same vibes 🫶

Let's pretend that Hexley Hall is an institute for a moment. Maybe they also sneak out in the middle of the night to do meetings or studying and walking through the dark halls of the school in the middle of the night all alone. Idk going to the library. Maybe the school staff was really strict with studies during the day and during the night they were strict with bedtime. Maybe some popular students such as Grimtrix and other ppl (also girls) spread the secret news during the whole day saying that there would be a party at night in some specific place on the school grounds where everyone (or just some selected people) should secretly escape from the dormitories. Maybe Greylock leaned on Cedric's shoulders asking if he was going to the party and Cedric complained saying he had more important things to do like studying and sleeping, but when Cedric was alone in the dormitory at night and realized he was lonely he decided to give it a chance. There is something interesting about stories of students at institutes sneaking out of their dormitories at night to escape the strictness of school and have some fun. It would be something interesting to see.

Random Cedric Headcanons

He likes wine, but he doesn't drink it too often. I have a post about his relationship with alcohol here.

I think he doesn't like to be drunk. He doesn't like to think that he can do something that embarrasses him or that he's out of his mind, he prefers to have everything under control. It doesn't happen very often either.

He hate the smell of smoke and cigarettes. He finds cigarrettes disgusting.

He likes tea.

His favorite fruits are berries and he likes them better in sweets.

He doesn't know how to cook.

Cedric has a sweet tooth, he loves chocolate, cake, everything that's sweet.

Cedric enjoys gardening. He just doesn't do it because of his busy schedule, but he has a good knowledge of plants so that he can make his potions, and he goes out with Wormwood to get ingredients to make them. This happens in one episode, actually. Wormwood also needs to know about plants so that he can help him find the ones he want. Maybe he knows because of all the years he's been by Cedric's side.

I believe Cedric got Wormwood while studying at Hexley Hall. I'm not sure how their bond happened, but I believe they've been together since Cedric was around 11-14 years old. Wormwood has been alive all these years because he is a raven especially for wizards/mages/sorcerers, or a spell was placed on him when Cedric was young so that he would stay by Cedric's side while he was still alive. But I think that makes an exception for unnatural causes like accidents for example, he can still die. I believe that this "conditional immortality" spell must have been done by one of Cedric's mentors or superiors at Hexley Hall, and I believe that all of the sorcerers' animals that pass through there need to go through the same spell. I also believe that it may be mandatory for each student to have their own animal, a little similar to the owl system in HP.

This would explain all those animals on the Hexley Hall episode, and why they are making a meeting after "long years of not seeing eachother". How would they be alive since Cedric's school years?They all speak in a tone that implies they have been with their owners since their school days, and the fact that each one belongs to a sorcerer makes me believe that it is obligatory to have an animal. Maybe they're important for specific spells? Studies? Assistants?

He wouldn't feel remorse for killing someone evil. If that person was absolutely disgusting and was a threat to his loved ones, he's not going to spend his whole life blaming himself for having killed someone. Even though he never really intended to kill and tried to resolve things as peacefully as possible, and that this person gave him no choice. He would never kill someone as a first option, though. He prefers to avoid doing it so.

He can takes things personally pretty easily, and because he's used to people saying harsh things to him, even the smallest comment can make him offended, because he's always expecting people to view him badly.

I believe the royal sorcerer is swapped at the same time the king is swapped as well. When the throne is passed to the next generation, the sorcerer also needs to be replaced by the next one. When Cedric's exchange came he was in his 20s, and Goodwyn was so worried because his son was a disaster. He panicked because Cedric would only put his family through an embarrassment with the royal family and the next king (Roland). Goodwyn kept citing to Cedric all the rules he had to know, telling his son to be careful, avoid doing as many spells as possible, and generally panicking. Cedric would just roll his eyes and respond "I know", "okay, dad", "I know". Winifred however brushed aside his bangs and kissed his forehead, saying "you'll make a great royal sorcerer, Ceddykins, I believe in you", which made him more confident and happy.

The sorcerer exchange ceremony takes place after the king's coronation. He also had to wear a ceremonial outfit, which involved a cape and a wizard hat.

He embarrassed himself in front of everyone because it was his first public appearance and it made him very nervous, so he took on the role of royal sorcerer with everyone in the castle and village already seeing him as an idiot. Perhaps during the ceremony it was necessary for him to cast a spell, maybe to follow some specific tradition or just to demonstrate his skills to the people, and Goodwyn covered his eyes and turned away, saying "for Merlin's sake, I don't even want to see this" while Winifred stroked his arm and tried to convince him to watch Cedric's spell. Cedric noticed this and that made his confidence get even worse. Goodwyn has spent every week since the sorcerer switch was announced in pure terror and anxiety, always expecting the worst at every moment.

Roland never saw Cedric as a very powerful sorcerer, so he never believed in his potential since the beginning, and that didn't change after Cedric became the royal sorcerer.

Cedric's hair is stained because of the spell that damaged Cordelia's hair. "Ah but that's obvious", yes, I know, but I believe this happened specifically because he accidentally spilled a few drops of the potion on himself. I actually have a post where I talk about this in more detail.

He absolutely never swears. But instead he says funny words, like the classic "Merlin's mushrooms" or this long and wonderful list I found on the internet.

He was born premature and was so small, everyone thought he wouldn't survive, but here he is now

I believe that they have "bath houses" in the castle for the employees (not the royal family, each one of them has their own bathroom) but Cedric is not a big fan of being naked in front of everyone, mostly because he's not comfortable with the people in the castle, in general. So he has his own "bathtub" (it looks like a wooden barrel but bigger and shorter) and he takes his bath alone in his tower. Well, him and Wormwood. Wormwood is absolutely disgusted by the sight but he's used to it since they grew up together. It's like "okay" for him to be in Cedric's side when he's inside the bathtub, but when he gets out, Wormwood avoids interacting or looking at him because "blerrggrg" (it's funny)

Goodwyn's parents were always treating him as the prodigy he was, so when Cordelia was born she also happened to be a prodigy and he treats her as such. But Cedric wasn't, he was a slow learner (or, using better words, a normal person) and Goodwyn didn't understand how to deal with children like that. He always demanded more from Cedric than he could do, as his sister learned quickly and was generally more praised by the family.

Cedric told Sofia EVERYTHING he did to her after his redemption. They had a long conversation, he said everything, about the sea monster being him, about the sleep spell, trying to take her amulet, literally everything. He cried in the process but he said that he wanted to tell her anyway, because he was truly sorry. Sofia felt sad and betrayed during the whole conversation but Cedric assured her that he was telling her because he didn't want to keep secrets and to prove that he was truly sorry. He promised that she was his best friend and that he could never do anything like that to her again. She understood him, respected him, and said everything was fine, but she would need a moment to digest. After that, Cedric continued to treat her well and prove himself so that there would be no more doubts.

Sometimes, in some situations when there is a bad person, Cedric gets angry with that person and plans revenge, or makes a plan against the person, to teach them a lesson. Sofia interrupts him, calling his name and saying that they already had a conversation about this, and he promised he would stop. Cedric grumbles and says it won't be anything too cruel.

He has medium size nails, squared oval shape because his nails are too detailed in the show and it makes sense. They didn't needed to detail his damn nails but they did, and they are actually a little longer than his finger, you can see that his nail doesn't exactly follow the shape of his finger. THEY PURPOSELY DETAILED HIS NAILS ON THE 3D MODEL I CAN'T (but unfortunately they are nowhere to be seen during "my evil dreams" which makes me kinda sad)

He definitely has gray/white hair mixed in his dark brown hair due to stress, age and unhealthy habits. His bangs were pure white when he got them, but after some time it started to turn gray. Some of his natural gray hair that comes with his age/stress are mixed in the white, so overall the color got a little darker (greyish) as he got older. We love a gray-haired man.

Tall, skinny and has a long nose- has big feet idgaf about beauty standards slay king

Cedric absolutely loves to be praised. At any circunstance, any place, he will give 100% of his attention to someone who's praising him, and he will keep trying to do more impressive stuff so that he can get more praises. Poor guy it's too underappreciated. At this point it's not even a headcanon anymore

Cedric shaves his beard every week. His a 39 year old guy, he has facial hair c'mon. I believe he has a patchy beard which is another reason for him to never let it grow. And like my friend @majoresca said, he probably never lets his beard grow because he doesn't want to look like his father, not even the tiniest bit

Not me accidentaly posting this before I finished

I'm sure I'll want to add more headcanons over time, but when I edit a post after it's been reblogged by someone, that edit doesn't appear on the person's profile, but the previous version does. So I'm going to make a link to the post available on my blog, who knows, maybe the updates will appear on the link! (I've never done this before, I want to prove my theory. If it works, pls tell me).

#teenage cedric runs free in my mind #cedric sofia the first #cedric the sensational #cedric the great #sofia the first #cedric #headcanons #headcanon

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offorestsongs · 2 months

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lilyarrow headcanons: phones edition

more Rook/Lysander rambles because this has been plaguing my brain. enjoy!

they don't actually text eachother much - they're joined by hip for one and also they're sappy old men at heart writting eachother letters by hand <3

also usually when they want to talk but can't be together in person, they much prefer calling

they like hearing eachother's voice!! also Lysander most of the time doesn't feel comfortable texting people in general because it's hard for him to read the tone and he keeps overthinking every message and ends up way too stressed than it's worth it sjjfjghj

their phone calls are so ungodly long oh god i'm almost embarassed for them

sometimes Lysander just asks Rook to tell him about something then puts him on speaker and just goes about his housework - his private boyfriend podcast <3

they also often stay on the line as they fall asleep. listening to eachother's breaths, half-asleep "i love you"s,,, it's actually very good for Lysander's insomnia

actually when he can't sleep, he sometimes calls Rook just to fall asleep listening to his voice/breathing. he sometimes feels guilty for not letting Rook sleep in peace but Rook always reassures him that he would rather sacrifice his own sleep for Lysander's comfort (Lysander still feels bad but at least he knows his boyfriend is a sweetheart)

(i hope Lysander is making Crowley pay his horrendously high fantasy phone bills LMAO)

when they do text eachother, it's mostly just [photo of a rabbit running thru a meadow] [photo of Grim sleeping on the windowsill] [a slightly blurry photo of Vil and Epel doing something] [photo of a pile of chopped vegetables]

they're both the type of person who wants to know every smallest thing about the other's day, no mater how mundane it is, so they like giving eachother little updates on what they're doing at the moment

they also like sending eachother photos of the stuff the other may find interesting, like a cat bringing its owner a dead mouse

so. many. selfies

they miss eachother's faces when they're apart for longer than five seconds alright :(( (i hate them sm)

and yes they do both save all of the selfies they get into a special folder in their gallery so they can look thru them and wistfully marvel on how gorgeous their boyfriend is

Cater teaches Lysander only the most chronically online flirting techniques which means that Lysander is now sending Rook a bunch of photos of two animals or flowers or whatever else he finds captioned "this is us <3"

Rook's response is, always, without a doubt, something along the lines of "but of course mon cheri, you are SO right, we ARE two carrots who have grown together, what a beautiful metaphor you have crafted"

no matter the time of day or night, Rook is always responding to Lysander's messages in about five seconds time. always. the only other person he does that with is Vil

Lysander has Rook saved as "beloved <3"

Rook has Lysander saved as "mon mari" [insert five different heart emojis]

and YES they both have eachother as their phone wallpaper

Lysander has a selfie Rook took after his archery practice; his hair is tied in a low ponytail, he's smiling, his face is slightly flushed and sweaty and the top two buttons of his shirt are undone and the first time Lysander saw it, he almost dropped his phone into a pot of boiling soup

Rook has a photo of Lysander asleep, wearing his silly vintage nightgown, his hair strewn all over his pillows, his face finally looking calm and peaceful, Grim snuggled to his chest

the photo may or may not have been taken when Rook was sitting on the tree outside Lysander's bedroom

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bookwyrm35 · 11 months

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The insomnia demons have been growing in strength recently but the good side of sleepless nights is that it gives me more time to consume Lockwood and Co. fan media! This week's fascination has been edits. I'm sure we all know this already but there are some superb ones out there. Now, while I know nothing of editing and have none of the skills to create such masterpieces, I'd kill (joking) to see someone make and edit to Black Out Days by Phantogram. I mean, we already have their song Cruel World in the actual show (and that's how I found this gem), but Black Out Days is so Lockwood and Co. coded sometimes it physically hurts. To illustrate:

Jessica's room anymone? Lockwood does literally has a black out curtain in there.

The sunglasses has to wear anytime he's in her room?!

Listening in general but it brings to mind the Red Room or even the Winkman's warehouse.

Lucy basically speaking a different language when it comes to communicating with the Skull.

We'll get to these lyrics again later but for now I think footage of a good Locklyle moment would be good foreshadowing.

All the symbolism and instances they used mirrors for filming is just begging to be showcased.

I know we don't have footage of it (yet) but "stay away" is basically Lucy's entire exsistsnce/mantra/what have you in the fourth book.

Graves in general come to mind, but especially Bickerstaff's

Flares anyone?

That whole Bickerstaff rising moment would be awesome with this poetic language I think.

Okay, it doesn't translate very well in text but the way it's sung it sounds like the word "Stay" is just being elongated. The flare scene, "We need you Lucy. Please stay." would go perfectly here.

It literally says haunting and it's perfect for when Lucy's Listening.

So you know when encountered that last line earlier? Well I think it would be perfectly heart wrenching if it's now mirrored with either the start of episode 8 where both Lockwood and Lucy are still soaked from their dip in the Thames or that moment after the rescue from Winkmans where Lockwood decides not to open up and a part of Lucy gives up on him. (What would be even more perfect is that scene in Creeping Shadow when Lockwood comes knocking on her door but we don't have that on screen. Yet 🤞)

Anyway, that's just me. Thanks for sticking around for my ramblings if you made it this far. If anyone ever does or already has made a Lockwood and Co edit to this song someone PLEASE tell me, I'd love you forever.

#PortlandRowPlaylist #save lockwood and co #bring back lockwood and co #renew lockwood and co #lockwood and co show #lockwood and co books #lockwood and co #lucy carlyle #anthony lockwood #george karim #george cubbins #locknation

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cannibal-nightmares · 5 months

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apothecary's log: cannibal's schizophrenic insomnia survival guide

this is just an extremely extremely loose review on one night of drinking this tea, for anyone's interest. I'm not going to edit or formalize this, especially given that this is based around sleep, so I want to depict my thoughts as they were. (also slightly interesting to see how my text patterns change)

foreword: I picked up this tea just because I wanted something lavender-tasting; I genuinely did not expect anything to actually become of it's effects, though I probably would have if I had actually read the ingredients.

physically: actually made me sleepy, which was unexpected, as per my original (un)intentions of buying this. made me a bit disoriented-- I couldn't tell if it's similar to the imbalance melatonin causes me, or if it was due to general induced-sleepiness paired with the symptoms of chronic vertigo. "dizzy" isn't quite the word here: it feels like the wakefulness from sleepwalking, like I move and then I realize I've moved, it unbalances me, I resolve the slight panic, repeat. it's like trying to do a task while high. maybe I'll try actively doing something for my curiosity the next night. I really didn't experience anything unpleasurable (ex, some teas that give me heart palpitations)

mentally: didn't experience much change in my mental state other than feeling I could freely slip into daydreams (with paranoia and constant critique, this is not always the case). background chatter remained at the same volume, corherency, and tone. I felt my focus alter: normally when I "get off track," I make mental tabs on where I was and where to reference back to after I go down a rabbit hole, but with this tea, no tabs were granted. I barely felt slightly annoyed with this, much less concern (though any semblance of "panic," as described, was mildly entertaining within the context), so, so far, no unpleasant mental effects.

I tried to do some cross-referencing on some of the ingredients in this tea, but results were mixed and contradicted each other, and--I'll be honest--my tired hypochondriac ass got a bit spooked trying to read about consuming poppy (and then confused... more on this later). I'm sure I could read on it upon a mornings wake.

waking up: I woke up interrupted to a phone call, but had felt like I had been waking up, anyways. I woke up sleepy, but not drowsy or miserably tired. I'm not sure that I moved much in my sleep, which is often a problem for me; as for dreams, they were busy and plot-thick but might have been due to how stressed I've been. They did physically feel a touch different, though, so there's room for further observation, especially because I think i was grinding my teeth again, based on a mild headache (something that seems to have lessened and momentarily disappeared in taking cbd+cbg+∆9, but i have otherwise ground my teeth for far more than a decade now). Upon continually waking up, sleep gently melted away and has left me comfortably alert. Its hard to tell what dizziness is from vertigo or the tea; honestly, probably the former. Similarly, after standing up, I almost immediately starting hallucinating bugs (without fear and without total recognition until they vanished), which on one hand I wouldn't consider to be the factor of the tea, and on the other, I don't commonly see stuff upon waking up.

Overall, in its purpose, I slept through 5 hours. I'll take that as a win. Only after one night, 9/10, so far would recommend. Also it's delicious.

Some general unorganized notes of contrast: Valerian root (found in "Extra" Sleepytime brand tea) doesn't seem to do anything for me while awake, and induces consistently mildly disturbing dreams; CBD+CBG+∆9 is fast-acting in calm--doesn't make me sleepy or necessarily keep me asleep, but puts my mind and body at ease to make for productive and stress-free rest (of what I get); melatonin causes drowsiness as it kicks in and has me "fast travel" through the night, which I find more uncomfortable than productive

#apothecary's log #cannibal-nightmares rambles

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ucantfixhim · 2 months

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Background

I’ve been subjecting myself to Stephen King for the past year and a half; I’m reading all his novels and collections in publication order (with the caveat that I’m skipping The Dark Tower, Bachman, and Mr. Mercedes books for now). I refuse to read his Hard Case Crime novels, but that’s because I am simply not interested in his non-horror writing. When I say “subjecting,” I do mean that this has been (largely) a practice in masochism. I am no stranger to this approach to media consumption and analysis—my graduate school career was guided by a hate-read of Stephanie Meyer’s Twilight Saga and a hate-watch of the CW’s The Vampire Diaries and The Originals. (Ironically, both of these hate-consumptions were centered around ostensibly heterosexual vampire romance stories, but I am interested in the queer text and subtext of vampirism in media.) Since April 2023 (I am writing this in August 2024), I have read (in publication order) King’s work published between 1974 (Carrie) and 2002 (From a Buick 8). That amounts to 26 novels (Carrie, ‘Salem’s Lot’, The Shining, The Stand: The Complete and Uncut Edition, The Dead Zone, Firestarter, Cujo, Christine, Pet Semetary, The Eyes of the Dragon, It, Misery, The Tommyknockers, The Dark Half, Needful Things, Gerald’s Game, Dolores Claiborne, Insomnia, Rose Madder, The Green Mile, Desperation, The Regulators [technically a Bachman book, but also a mirror novel to Desperation], Bag of Bones, The Girl Who Loved Tom Gordon, Dreamcatcher, and From a Buick 8) and 7 collections (Night Shift, Different Seasons, Skeleton Crew, Four Past Midnight, Nightmares & Dreamscapes, Hearts in Atlantis, and Everything’s Eventual). I am hoping to finish the rest of his non-series novels (with the exception of Doctor Sleep) and collections by the end of this year—13 books to go! As I make my way through Stephen’s oeuvre, I hope to share my thoughts and insight in a series of essays. Hopefully these will be short, but part of me wonders if King’s style will influence my analyses. (That is, what if I end up writing essays that I enjoy and that others feel are too long and drop off in the third act?) I’d ask you to join me, but I am deep in the wilderness of King’s fictional Maine. Instead, maybe I can give you a map through the stories of Derry, Castle Rock, Dark Score Lake, and the rest of this twisted Maine to where I am. When we meet, we can find our way home together.

#ucantfixhim #dani.txt #i guess welcome to my personal hell #stephen king

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you-cant-fuck-megaman · 2 years

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megaman AI box art

there’s a pretty big discussion around AI art, it seems i’m not super-familiar with The Discourse but if my programming experience has taught me anything it’s that random generation has to springboard off of something (usually called a seed), and you have to feed stuff in to an AI to get material to build off of that springboard so i’ve got several big goddamn questions as to where t f these guys would get their seeds and material from

but me being me, the first thing on my mind is “can you draw megaman with it?” so i decided to insert in "megaman box art" to a handful of different ones, see what happens

first off is a place called Nightcafe Studio, which allows you to pick one of three styles to make art in: cosmic, matte, and cyberpunk. nacho cheese and cool ranch were out, sorry.

this is "megaman box art" as done in its cosmic style and it certainly looks cosmic megaman got a nose guard to defend against space pollen, i guess and either his arm got detached and is floating down there or he's got a vacuum cleaner attached to his shins but it sure is cosmic

6/10, pretty colors but not very megaman

next style was matte, and

this actually looks pretty fucking cool! you've got a rad cityscape in the background, lighting’s really neat, and background to the MGA AIN MGATAN logo as sponsored by pepsi is cool

i guess that's kind of sort of Model ZX aile if you squint and tilt your head, but she’s the main part that turns the entire thing sinister. did you know that when you’re dealing with the fae shapeshifted as a human, you should count the features to make sure everything’s accurate? count the knuckles, count the fingers, count the shadows... oops, six fingers hah hah hah hah hhhhhhhhhhhh this is not Model ZX aile, this is not your friend.

7/10 you’re not stealing my goddamn teeth today, oberon

last to go is cyberpunk style and

holy shit this is a fucking WWE poster roman reigns dressed in pink and got a fucking beam tonfa??? or something a very distorted vince mcmahon puts on a power glove while brock lesnar looks disappointed to the side, and fiery font tells us that the meemen meeaiiaininaihiniahin is gonna happen at 2 / F' / 20 i could imagine you could probably print this out, put it through photoshop for edits, and then try to pass it off as an official poster for a synthwave megaman reboot. if you were a moron who wanted to get fired, i mean. fantastic way to commit career suicide.

1/10 coolest shit i've ever seen but very bad megaman art tbh

still, i'll give cyberpunk another shot. maybe it was confused, thinking it was going to have men that were mega, rather than megaman

HOLY SHIT

fuckin AXE DADY megaman over here this has it all it's got the dictator cam, looking up like it's hitler it's got the stance, holding a black vylon slinky to the side while he contemplates shooting above it it's got the logo sleekness, i've never seen MEEMN AXE DADY rendered so well it's got the color contrast, bright blue city in the left while a goddamn laser rips through time and space on the right and it's got a cool robot that actually kind of has a buster arm, though the computer is clearly confused as to what megaman’s buster actually looks like maybe should’ve let an artist handle that?

10/10, great megaman art, fucking amazing, would play, would watch, would let axe dady shoot things

next up is deepai's Machine Learning Model doesn’t seem to have any parameters, just put in a text box and go, so i did

thanks i've been wondering how it would be possible to turn megaman into a horror icon i didn't think hollowing his face out and replacing it with a fucking skull would be the answer but this is a pretty handy way to ensure my insomnia persists through the night

0/10 i

fucking

hate it

hastily getting the fuck away from that abomination unto both god and man, next up is dream.ai it seems to be a service mostly for developing and providing NFTs, but it's actually completely free with a little finagling so i don’t get where the value is supposed to come from

anyway, there's a lot of different options to provide a customized art style for the prompt, and you can even see it with different things it's got a lot of options too many to safely delve into, in fact, so i'm going to do the game journalist thing and generate maybe a handful of things and judge it entirely off that

first off is a comic art style generated without a seed

and at first glance this looks partially like the megaman 1 box art characters decided to pvp with each other at second glance as you look closer, though, you can clearly tell it's an i don't know what the fuck

4/10 colors look cool at least

maybe weird shit is the best part of it, though maybe weird shit is what it specializes in so let's try psychadelic

well, that's psychadelic all right i guess the dude in the middle is kind of sort of vaguely megaman but i don't know what the fuck else there is, there's actually less sensible shit going on here

2/10 i like listening to shpongle too, dude

but it's safe to say this system needs a bit of help let's go back to comic style and feed in some nice art from existing megaman

in my opinion, this poster is the peak megaman experience. it’s the quintessential representation. this pretty clearly dictates what megaman's about guy in blue shooting things robots getting shot at ominous shitbag in the background castlevania for some reason

favorite promo art, hands down. so let’s see how the AI works with this.

all right, finally, we're getting somewhere. guess this AI just needed to copy from someone else’s homework first. wow, that brings up a lot of questions about the nature of the materials AI art generators use to build their random images. well, that’s goddamn horrifying to contemplate. am i a monster unwittingly contributing to a system of artistic exploitation for the sake of making a shitpost on a megaman shitpost blog? fucked up.

anyway, we got a robot dude, he's got a gun, he's even got a little strut i like this guy a lot, he's got moxie and a rad face-visor thing

all right, i'm feeling generous 6/10 you fucked up but now you're getting better

let's go once more for comic style and

all right, holy shit, you're learning fast yeah this is undeniably megaman he's even got the weird helmet and weird boots and everything

there's a cool cityscape, a sci-fi sky, and he's trying to give the underside of a ship the highest of fives he doesn't look like he's standing very well on his taco bowl of destiny, though but i can't fault him with his dildo leg, must be difficult to stand on and judging by his pants, he's got trouble with testicles the size of texas growing in after kicking wily's ass 69 times understandable problem, really, after you go through 10 games that’s when you turn from a mega boy to a real mega man

9/10, good box art

you know, i'm feeling confident, i think dream's got a good idea as to what's going on with megaman let's take a risk and go for a different art style synthwave looks good, it's all about that retro shit and megaman's a retro series

this doesn't look like a new picture that just looks like you took the original picture and put a shitty smear on it

god fucking damn it

0/10, apply yourself, pick up a goddamn pencil and then see me after class

getting away from that, next up is stable diffusion, apparently a state-of-the-art AI generator hosted by Hugging Face, which i hope is a legitimate company and not a front for xenomorphs

and HOLY SHIT

on the first go we have some actual fucking box art good background, very clear, we've got a skyline with a forcefield pyramid in the background i guess wily's a space egyptian now? rad.

napalm bomb megaman's doing some fucking pelvic thrusts ready to spread war crimes all about bit distressing for our sweet friendly superhero boy but i'll admit i'd react the same way after getting a fucking napalm gun for an arm.

we've even got a rating on the bottom right, indicating that it's suitable for ages Video Game and up got a clearly-defined line for letting the publishers rub their dick all over, filling it with logos or titles or other corporate information

i feel confident about this, i like our MEAAN game, shit's looking pretty good

10/10, good box art. real good box art. little timmy would probably be confused seeing it on the shelf but this strikes me as something Bob Capcom would reasonably okay after five lagers and an existential crisis.

getting a little concerned here, looks like crisis on infinite megamans

i don’t want to imagine how many official variants of rock there are, especially if you count all the fangame/indie game knockoffs, but having them all collide together into a single Enter the Megaverse sounds like it'd be effectively impossible to handle do you want to play megaman, megaman x, megaman volnutt, megaman.exe, star force, zx, x over flavored? dos-flavored? bad box art flavored? captain n flavored? pachinko-flavored?

NGL though if rockman taisen ends up being some sort of dumb megaman battle royale then i would actually punch a cactus out to be able to play as ruby spears megaman frankly, huge missed opportunity that they're not even in X Dive the tagline even writes itself, "I knew you'd pull for Mr. Lincoln!"

oh yeah i was rating the cover uhhhhhhhh i dunno, there's dudes i don't know, they're doing poses, ominous guy in the background i guess it's serviceable? this doesn’t really tell me anything about the game, there’s just guys.

6/10 i'd pass it over and look at something else

holy shit are you okay? either he's (she's? they're?) taking a dump and all their lower intestines got caught in it, or something is burning out in the thinkpan and won’t be coming back

that dead-eyed glare is actually legitimately haunting this is the expression someone makes in anime after they realize you stabbed them and you were never their friend i've only seen that gaze in my life twice before and let me tell you, you remember things

1/10 someone call the police

all right, i’m moving away from that before i bring up more questionable ground our final contestant for the night is hotpot.ai, a website for general purpose game asset AI generation. they’ve got AI-handled copywrite, too, which strikes me as risky ground. if i can’t trust a machine with megaman, can i trust a machine to legally cover my ass? i would never trust a machine with my pants, ass or no. we’ve already firmly established that robot masters are always a pants-on debacle.

anyway, let’s give this a shot

aaaaaand hit “Generate”, and

EXCU

NOPE

FUCK THIS

I’M DONE

#megaman #mega man #rockman #ai art #meta #inapplicable

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ciltilladeltilla · 30 days

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(edited sprint piece, 500 words, partly inspired by this book & paper)

The ice chest sat next to the hotel bed, covering a hole in the three layers of plastic wrap. He looked at it while the surgeon prepared, and hoped she wouldn't do any more checks to see if he was sure.

Even he'd assumed it was insomnia until he'd noticed mirrors had a color. It was a putrid color, at that - a higher octave of beige, only more damnably bright than the others.

"There aren't any medical texts for this, of course," she explained, shrugging off a layer of baggy casualwear and revealing full scrubs with plastic gloves taped to them. "It's a bit like those marriage drive-thrus in Vegas. Do they still have those? Anyway, you'll want to avoid doing any physicals from now on."

At night, stars had become suns again, while moonlight smeared the air and made it into fog. The moon itself didn't wane for him, but when its light was fainter it became almost tiger-striped with infrareds that rhymed with orange and green.

Next had come the clicking from the outdoors, a bomb or a loom hushed only by the rain. The sound of more letters being forced into his box in the lobby by someone cursing under their breath. Spiders became hydraulic and pistoning, snapped branches became wet telegraphs, and a universe of tiny, churning mouths vibrated the concrete under his feet.

The cravings had clarified the rest.

In the hotel room he laid back - sparing the details - and stared at the popcorn ceiling, thinking distantly of canopic jars. It was a wonder to him that this, this alone, should be so sensationless.

When the work has halfway done the ice chest was opened and gave a long, droning sigh as the surgeon lifted four containers and twisted four seals. For him it was hard to tell them apart except for size, but each smelled like mud or railroads or lifelong, prickling fear.

The group had already told him that rabbit, elk, pig and falcon were the traditional hearts for starting someone off. They'd also given him a warning, that his life depended on knowing which things kept and which would go sour. Which, he suspected, was just their segue to telling him he'd be paying in favors and not cash.

Rabbit, elk, pig, falcon. There was room for them, now, and as each was attached and resumed its operation he felt more - awake? The present contracted and expanded in the same motion, somehow - finer-grained but across a broader surface. All four beat in separate rhythms, syncopating in pairs and flirting in triplets until they joined in a crescendo on the half-hour mark.

"And - that's it?" he asked as the surgeon closed him up.

She placed the sewing needle between her teeth and made a 'so-so' gesture with her hand. "Reason these are standard is they go bad in about five years. Make nice with the right people and show you keep your favors and that won't be a problem. If that's not you, figure something out."

"Is stuff like this how you do it?" he asked.

She shook her head. "I made friends with the Order of St. Hubertus."

She declined to elaborate on that.

#creative writing #original fiction #vampirism #organ transplantation #writing sprints

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halofcrged · 5 months

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RULES.

going to try and keep this pretty simple & straightforward.

I. You must be 18+ to interact with me. I am 42 years old.

There will be not safe for work content on this blog of the sexual and potentially of the graphic violence nature. I do tag everything that might be triggering and am happy to tag whatever you ask me to so long as I remember!

I ask that you tag any visuals containing spiders with spider tw* spiders tw* arachnophobia tw* etc etc and yes, I know it’s a weird one but anything about the taste of soap or eating soap is a trigger so just tag it with soap tw* or penny don’t look* as I have that blacklisted too. I don’t have any triggering fcs or what not.

II. This blog is multi-ship, multi-verse, crossover & au friendly.

Every ship is in its’ own verse unless previously discussed with all parties. Every thread or set of threads takes place in its own universe unless previously discussed with all parties.

III. I write anything from one-liners to novellas, it really just depends on life, my headspace, how much sleep I’ve been getting, how much else I have going on in real life, etc.

IV. My activity is NOT consistent. I am infamous for blog hopping. I have literally replied to some starters / replies two years+ after they were originally written. I am not fast. If I am fast, it’s by some small miracle and perfect storm of brain, muse and free time. It will not last.

V. I have kids, cats and dogs; I am in college, I have a household to take care of and I have many physical and mental handicaps that can affect my ability to function and write, including but not limited to rheumatoid arthritis, osteoarthritis, spinal stenosis, ganglion cysts, torn meniscus, migraines, hypothyroidism, PMDD, nerve damage, herniated disc, ADHD, depression, anxiety, C-PTSD and severe insomnia.

Roleplay is something I do for fun.

If it isn’t fun, I don’t do it.

If it’s stressing me out, I’ll avoid it.

VI. I do graphic commissions.

I run @tuppencetrinkets where I post the millions of screencaps and 200x100 icons that I make. The resources are free but donations are always appreciated as I pay about $40 in hosting / program fees a month. My commissions are always pay what you can. I hate setting prices because I want everyone to have pretties if they want them and I don’t know what anyone can afford at any given time. I do everything from base icons to edited icons, backgrounds, headers, dividers, promos, videos, you name it. I try to be quick with turnaround but again – sometimes I just can’t be.

VII. I am fine with plotting things out in advance or winging it. I really don’t care, whatever you are more comfortable with is fine with me.

I like all kinds of plots. I like fluffy things, slice of life, broships, frenemies, enemies, familial, found family, long arcing, one shot throwaway, dark and twisted, you name it plots. I will not write n*ncon or anything nsfw themed /even hinted at with minor characters and I won’t write any explicit child death etc. but most everything else is fair game.

VIII. You can throw a million memes at me any time you want to.

IX. You can throw any and all starters at me any time you want to.

I’m not necessarily mutual exclusive but I don’t guarantee I’ll respond to memes or starters from non-mutual blogs.

X. I use icons, headers, promos etc. that I make myself 99% of the time. Please do not use any of my edited graphics. All base icons I use are free and available on my resource blog.

XI. I use small text and my icons are 200x100 with empty space to make them 540x130 so that they don’t stretch out on mobile. I prefer not heavily edited replies in terms of font variance and colors but really don’t care that much.

XII. I’ve probably forgotten relevant things but, who knows.

XIII. No drama. Period. I’m not interested.

XIV. I’m here for fun. I’m really pretty easy going. If you have any questions feel free to toss them into my inbox!

#RULES.

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omgfloofy · 5 months

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State of the Fic(s)

I know it's not Wednesday, but I've had a crazy week. I think to start the new week, I should do a state of the current projects in my 'wip' folder, simply because I've not done one in awhile.

So! Here's a list of current projects I've got going in the 'fic-o-sphere' so to speak that gives you some updates on what's going on with them!

FFXV Related

dal segno al coda

The whole crazy long FFXV fanfic that I've been working on. I had a breakthrough over the weekend that got me out of a rut on part 1, and have decided that something I wrote that wouldn't actually get released at any point probably will (not related to Ad Astra below). It'll be a long time, though, since it's a post-story short.

I've had a goal for awhile that I wanted to have the fic in editing phase by the end of the year, but I'm not sure I'm going to meet that goal at the moment.

Oh yeah. Meanwhile, Elsewhere - the batches of outside POV stories to go alongside events during the main story - has been renamed to Colla Parte. I'm sad to lose the joke based on FFXIV, but I think it's also better to make it line up more to the music theming going on in the names.

There are still the two preview fics:

We Interrupt Your Regularly Scheduled Programming - this is an outside POV fic just before the endgame of the story. It introduces a pair of original characters that were, at first, mentioned on the side, and grew into their own parts.

Date Night - About halfway through the story, Noctis and Lunafreya are reunited and spend a period of time in Insomnia together. I didn't have the space or timing for a lot of what I wanted to do, so I decided to use the ideas as a short with them together in it. It is currently at 2 of 4 chapters, and helps give an idea of the storytelling style/formatting used for the main story.

Twilight

So I'm still picking at this AU in spite of having the fic done. There are a variety of shorts in it still. (If you haven't read it yet, and are interested, the main story for Twilight is available on AO3.)

Sunburned, as part of the On the Job shorts got posted this week.

There are several others in the works, as listed below, all working titles:

There are two more shorts in the On the Job file that are in progress. There may be more in the future.

Group Chat - A batch of unused group texts that I didn't have space for in the main story.

Some Things Never Change - A short of Noct running into Sania.

The Puzzle Box - This is waiting for a chapter of On the Job to be done first, but it's about Noct making his puzzle box that's mentioned in the main story.

A Part to Play - A surprising addition that is turning out to be a bit more world building to the AU than I expected, but Noct is hired to join a small team on a very special project.

There are still some others that I wanted to write that I have in a checklist. I had an Aranea story I wanted to use in the main fic, but never had the space for it. There's another sidestory that's started, but untitled based on an incident that is mentioned in both Twilight and A New Restart.

Hell Diving

So. Uh. This is a stupid thing that's got stuff marked all over and will be a bit more "multimedia"-y of a fic than my others.

Basically, a silly one-shot crossover fic of the chocobros play Helldivers. So. Yeah. thats' a thing.

It just needs a lot of specific creative work to be done before I get into straight up writing it.

Untitled Long Night Story

This whole thing is currently set on the sidelines since I've had a lot of focus on other things. It's still there, and the whole fic just took a bit of a change in terms of storytelling.

I'll get to it. Maybe I'll have this prepared for Halloween this year. That'll be a nice setup.

Ad Astra

A really bizarre/headtrippy followup to dal segno al coda that I wasn't sure I wanted to post. I can't explain anything about this story without spoiling its sister story.

A lot of the notetaking that turned into this was originally to map out the world building that happens endgame in dal segno al coda. It's just come together to make enough for a fic of its own.

Sadly, I'm not 100% sure I have the chops to tell this story well, though.

Non FFXV Stuff:

Random Questions

I'm still working on this! It's still mapped out! It's just that FFXV is back to living rent free in my head right now.

There is also a follow-up to go along with it. I can't post anything from said follow-up until Random Questions is finished, however.

Payday

oh huh. look. a random kiseki/trails fic in the list. I wonder what this could be.

During Yuletide, my assignment had Ys and Crossbell arc stories listed in their requests. A Little Doll's Big Adventure almost didn't get written in lieu of this fic instead, which was a Tio centric story that may end up being way too relatable. I may still write it, as it's outlined.

Lost Traveller

Huh. I wonder what this is...

The Haunting of Karen Jackson

This is a Phasmophobia fic idea I got into my head. It'll be treated as a dossier/report rather than a traditional story. Like with Hell Diving, there are other things I need to prep before I can work on this.

#fanfic wips #dal segno al coda stuff #final fantasy xv #lost universe #phasmophobia #helldivers #ys #kiseki #ffxv twilight

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succubusphan · 1 year

Text

Two Man Team - Chapter 6

Summary: This is the story of two struggling friends who after many trials and tribulations find their way back to each other and build the life they've always dreamed of.

Or how Phil changed his life by talking to random strangers on the internet.

Rating: E

Tags/warnings: Friends to lovers, Friends with benefits, mental health issues (mainly anxiety), Slow burn, Dan is a psych student. Canon divergence (the timeline is altered and some things never happened), Slutty Phil, Angst with a happy ending. The fic spans many years.

Author's Note: Written for the OSPBB 2023 @oldschoolpbb. Thank you @effingmeteors for being my life saviour and beta as usual and to my artist Lin @anironsidh.

Edits and the art will be added at some point, we are busy bees.

POSTING EVERY DAY UNTIL IT'S COMPLETED.

Total Word Count: 75k ish

Read on Ao3

CHAPTER 6: The Winner Takes It All

2012

They didn’t speak or text until mid-January, when Dan just showed up at Phil’s flat one day, dark circles so deep that reminded him of Jack Skellington. He looked sick.

Phil stood there in silence, not knowing what to do until Dan pulled him into a hug and started crying.

“What’s wrong?” he asked, wrapping his arms around Dan.

“Everything,” Dan muttered, his voice cracking. “Can I sleep here tonight?”

“Uh, sure,” Phil said, feeling weird about it. Both because he didn’t know where they stood at the moment and because Dan had never asked that before, he’d always just stayed.

They walked inside and Phil started making tea, not because he wanted one but because he needed to collect himself. “So… what’s been going on with you?” He asked, his back still turned to Dan.

“I can’t do anything right,” Dan said, rubbing his eyes with the back of his hand. “I can’t stick to my schedule, I’m drowning in the material and I feel like everyone hates me right now.”

Phil let out a little frustrated sigh and turned to look at Dan. “I don’t hate you, Dan. I can’t speak for everyone, but I don’t,” he said. “Have you discussed it with your therapist?” Phil added before Dan could say anything.

“I haven’t been in over a month,” Dan said, avoiding his eyes and picking at his jeans. “I haven’t left my room either.”

Phil pressed his lips into a line but tried to be as gentle as possible, it was evident that Dan was still trying to calm himself down. “Why would you do that? Even therapists have therapists, you said it yourself years ago.”

“He said that I’m depressed and I don’t agree. I think this is just how I am. I’ve always struggled with the simplest of tasks, I’ve always been low. It’s just who I am.” Dan looked up, his eyes red and swollen; he’d been crying far longer than he’d been at Phil’s.

“What are the symptoms of depression?” Phil asked, knowing that he couldn’t argue on this, he needed to make Dan reach the conclusion on his own.

“Sadness, hopelessness, anger or frustration, even over small things, loss of interest in normal things like sex or hobbies, insomnia or sleeping too much, lack of energy, loss of appetite, anxiety, brain fog… Feelings of worthlessness or guilt, fixating on past failures - or self-blame,” he said, his face slowly transforming as he went over the symptoms.

Phil hummed. “That does sound familiar, don’t you think?”

“I guess…” Dan admitted.

“So?” Phil pressed. “Why don’t you go to therapy?”

Dan frowned. “For the same reason that you haven’t gotten help for your anxiety disorder,” he said, a bit too harshly, but continuing in a calmer tone after a deep breath. “I guess I’m not ready yet.”

“That’s fair,” Phil said, ignoring the biting comment. “We need to come up with a plan of action then. I have always managed my anxiety with different methods, you were the one who came up with most of them. I’m meditating at the moment and it’s helping a bit - with the sleeping issues at least, have you tried it?”

Dan shook his head no. “I don’t think I can meditate myself out of depression, to be honest.”

“I know that, don’t be silly,” Phil waved him off. “I’m saying that you need a depression plan and that you can meditate when you feel anxious. You said they come together sometimes, right?”

Dan nodded. “Yeah, I do have some anxiety but it’s not my main issue.”

“Alright. What is your biggest problem right now?”

“Sleeping and getting to class.”

Phil added the tea bags into the mugs and poured the water over them, having the sugar and milk at the ready. He walked over to the coffee table and pulled a small notebook and a pen from the storage space under it. “So, you need to wake up at 8 to make it in time to Stats, you can study at Starbucks or the library for two hours and go to Personality. If you are too tired then, you can go back and take a nap before Intervention but I think you should drop Cognition and you can try again next semester.”

“But I’m doing well at Cognition. Cognitive Neuroscience is the hard one,” Dan said with a small smile, his eyebrows raised.

“Oh, right,” Phil said, slapping his forehead. “I always get them mixed.”

Dan raised his eyebrows at Phil but didn’t say a word.

“What? What’s that face?”

“You remember what classes I’m taking and when,” Dan said in wonder.

“Of course I do,” Phil scoffed. “I helped you plan your schedule.”

“I don’t know, I didn’t think you’d remember. Nobody remembers.”

“I remember,” Phil said with a small smile. He gave the notebook to Dan and went to get the mugs before the tea got too strong to drink. He added the sugar and milk, putting them back in their respective places and carried the mugs to the coffee table. “Here,” he said, handing the mug to Dan and sitting at his side.

“Thanks,” Dan said and took a sip and set the notebook on the sofa between them. “Just how I like it.”

Phil ignored the comment and grabbed the notebook, starting another page. They needed a more global approach. “So… you have Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays off in the morning. Let’s set some ground rules in general. Weekdays bed before 2am and wake up no later than 10.30. Also, be productive until 5 on weekdays. Anything you didn’t do during the week, finish it during the weekend and that’s when you take a break. You can sleep in until 1 on the weekends at least. What do you think?”

“Sounds good. I have a huge pile of laundry though.”

Phil huffed a laugh. “Do laundry here during the weekend and you can finish any homework while the washer runs. But you are doing the laundry, not me. And no mixing colours, I’m still wearing pink boxers.”

Dan snorted. “Ok, Dad.” He looked out the window for a moment and turned back to Phil. “What are we doing for your birth?”

“Are you coming?” Phil asked, raising one eyebrow at Dan.

“Of course I am!” Dan said, blushing just a little.

“Alright,” Phil smiled. “Small party here I guess but I have to go back home to celebrate with my family - and Richard and the others want to hang out the week after that.”

Dan laughed. “Why is your birthday always a month long affair?”

“Because my birth is an important date to commemorate. I’m important.”

“You are,” said Dan.

The sound of jingling keys at the door announced Mark before his melodic voice came through the hall. “Hey, love. I finally found some decent oranges for break- oh. Hi, Dan!” Mark said.

Phil rushed to help with the shop, grabbing the bags from Mark’s hands and setting them on the kitchen counter.

“It’s so nice to see you again, what brings you over?” Mark asked Dan, casually pressing a quick kiss to Phil’s lips and pulling him closer by the hips ever so slightly.

Phil mumbled a hello and gave Mark a wide-eyed look before peering at Dan out of the corner of his eye. He looked upset, perhaps even mad at the display. “Sorry,” Phil said, not really knowing why he was apologising or the reason Mark chose that particular moment to kiss him.

Dan shrugged and shook his head, his lips moving as he attempted to form words but no sound came out.

Dan was left speechless for the first time since Phil had met him.

Mark smiled widely, ignoring the others’ reactions. “Are you staying over for dinner, darling?” he asked Dan.

“Uh, sure,” Dan said.

“No laundry today?” Mark teased.

Phil shot him a look, Mark was going for something here, but he didn’t know what exactly or why. Dan had never mentioned doing his laundry at their flat in front of Mark so this made it evident that Phil had relayed this information to him. “No, we were just catching up. Why? Did you want to help out?” He ended the sentence with a tight smile, trying to silently tell Mark to quit it already.

“A tempting offer, but I think I’ll stick to cooking, you are the laundry specialist after all.”

“Ok. You do that, Dan and I will continue our conversation in my bedroom,” Phil said, and guided Dan away from the conflict. Once in his room, he shut the door and let out a deep sigh. “I’m sorry about that.”

“No, it’s alright. I don’t want to intrude,” Dan said without even taking a seat. “I’m so sorry for showing up unannounced. Obviously you want to enjoy your night with your boyfriend - I should go.”

“He’s not my boyfriend,” Phil rushed to say when Dan took a step towards the door.

“Yeah, yeah, I know,” Dan bit back, his voice rising with every word. “He hasn’t been your boyfriend since like 2009, he’s just the person you sleep with, live with, cook with and basically do everything with.”

“It’s not like that,” Phil said defensively, as he started to pace around the room. He felt like he’d been caught cheating even though he didn’t even have a boyfriend. He had a fuck buddy and a buddy he wanted to fuck but who didn’t reciprocate, none of which wanted to actually date him.

“What is it like then?” Dan snapped.

Phil froze and turned on the spot, feeling the fire coming out of his eyes. Dan had some nerve to be upset by a kiss when he hadn’t made any attempts to be exclusive with Phil or even to continue with any sort of intimacy, or even their friendship for that matter. He had become a ghost in Phil’s life and now he was upset that Phil had a smidge of attention from someone else. “You’re right, maybe you should leave. Take the plans we wrote down and work on that, and if you need to call someone at 3 am try Sam. See if they care to take your calls.”

Dan took a step back, looking as if he’d been slapped. He wasn’t used to Phil saying no to him. Phil was always there for Dan, unlike Dan who liked to come and go out of his life as he pleased. “Phil, I’m sorry.”

“Ok,” Phil said in a robotic tone.

“I don’t know what I’m doing,” Dan admitted.

“Neither do I,” Phil conceded. “Just go, we’ll talk soon.”

“I still want to celebrate your birthday - if you still want to,” Dan mumbled. “Just us two.”

Phil resisted the urge to roll his eyes. “Text me when you’ve calmed down. And stick to the plan. Get your shit together.”

“I will. I promise,” Dan said, rushing out of the room, grabbing the lists they’d made and his backpack on the way out, barely mumbling a bye to Mark and Phil.

Phil let out a deep sigh and massaged his temples. Life was exhausting. He tried to calm down fully but he was still angry with Mark. He considered just sleeping it off, but the headache wouldn’t go away so he marched into the kitchen. “Why the fuck did you do that?”

“Do what?” Mark asked and Phil resisted the urge to slap him.

“What do you think?” Phil snapped back.

Mark shrugged. “You’ve never been upset about me kissing you.”

“I need you to stop pretending that you did that innocently or I’m going to lose my fucking mind.”

Mark dropped the spatula on the counter and turned around, leaning back against it. “Fine. I’m fucking tired of seeing you upset over Dan. He likes to play games with you. He strings you along and doesn’t want to commit to a relationship. It’s like he wants your attention but also Sam’s and when he doesn’t need you, he just disappears.”

“Huh, Well -” Phil sputtered. “That’s none of your business. And he’s not playing games, he’s just confused and depressed.”

“Who isn’t? We all have problems. I just wanted to see if he cared or not, and he did, but why? Is he jealous because he has feelings for you or is it some sort of ego boost for him?”

Phil paused for a moment. “He’s not a bad person, Mark,” he said. “And what ego? He barely has any self-esteem. He was bullied his entire childhood and - he had a lot more going on than you know, but I’m not going to betray his trust to justify him. You just don’t know the full story.”

“I don’t think he’s a bad person, but he’s neglecting your friendship and ruining any chances of getting with you, if that’s what he wants.” Mark reached towards Phil, pulling him into a soft hug and setting his chin on Phil’s shoulder. “I just don’t want to see you hurt.”

“It’s fine. I can handle it myself,” Phil mumbled.

“I know, you are all grown up, but I’ve never seen you so… interested in someone.”

Phil silently thanked Mark for not calling it what it was. Phil had never been actually in love with anyone, not really, not until Dan. It was not supposed to be this way; he wasn’t supposed to catch feelings for his friend and he was supposed to find someone who valued him and wanted to be his boyfriend. Maybe… “Do you think it’s my fault?”

“What is?”

“Nobody has ever been in love with me. Or even had feelings. It’s like I’m unlovable. I’ve been out there for years, I’ve dated so many guys for three months at a time and all of them wouldn’t even spit on me if I was on fire.”

Mark snorted. “I would spit on you.”

Phil snorted. “Only because you’re a kinky bastard.”

“True but also because you are my friend,” Mark said. “I love you, even if it’s not the way you need to be loved and I’ll always care about your feelings. You’ve always known where I stood because I like to be upfront and honest which is something Dan is not doing.”

“Well, you’re older than me and very mature and he is four years younger and has a lot to work on.”

“Yeah, I forget that sometimes,” Mark admitted. “Tell him I apologised for making things awkward when you see him. We can celebrate your birthday when you come home.”

“Were you listening behind the door?” Phil asked, finally looking into Mark’s eyes.

“No, love. You were being loud and the walls are not that thick in this flat.”

---

Things started to pick up after that. Dan surprised him with tickets to a Muse concert and brought him a cake and a bouquet of stuffed piranha plants from the Super Mario games. He also dropped by on the weekends and stuck to the schedule they had thought of.

The semester started to look up for him and they continued to post solo videos as well as a few collabs. In a way, filming a ‘Day In the Life’ brought them closer together than they had been in a while. They even had a sleepover the night before, shared breakfast and visited their favourite places, sparking memories of the day they met.

Phil wanted to promote a small play Dan would be doing as he slowly got back into theatre, but Dan was terrified that the crazy fans, who were starting to follow them around and just mysteriously pop into the places they frequented, would ruin everything or cause a scene. Theatre was a hobby for Dan but he took it fairly seriously and he didn’t want the other actors to resent him or think that he was making a mockery out of the play.

Even though Dan was not ready to start having regular therapy sessions yet, he still went ever so often when he felt like he needed to make adjustments in his life. It was recommended to him that he keep a journal to put his thoughts into order and also remember anything else he needed to bring up on the next appointment. That just turned into the spark that started a new fire: Dan’s newfound love for creative writing resulted in a variety of short stories that Phil was always happy to proofread and support. He was at Dan’s side every step of the way, in the same manner that he was always front and centre in the crowd of every play, even when the stories were not so interesting to him, he loved to see Dan thrive.

In June, just as summer was beginning, they went on their first free trip thanks to YouTube. The deal was that they would get a free trip to Jamaica and new digital cameras to take pictures and film vlogs as promotion. It sounded almost too good to be true, but thankfully it was a real contract. The vacation was a blast, they recorded a bunch of content, had every expense covered and hung out with a group of youtubers, most of which thought that they were a couple, but were cool about it.

The only downside, if there was even one, was that it was a bit weird to be filmed at all times because everyone was vlogging and Dan and Phil were just a bit more popular than the rest of them so any footage they could sneak into their videos would drive traffic to their channel. The phandom was quite dedicated.

The Phandom. Dan had accidentally named their fandom after saying that their ship - which was apparently a thing already - should be called Phan. Dan was equally excited to be important enough to be shipped with Phil and a bit weirded out about it. Still, he often oscillated between casually encouraging the shipping with jokes and getting weirdly defensive about it, going as far as to tweet someone “FYI I like vagina.” To be fair, that was more in response to the allegations that he was gay. Dan had not figured out his sexuality yet, and sometimes Phil thought he didn’t want to anyway, it was easier to ignore it, but when constantly proved for an answer, he’d snapped.

Phil didn’t appreciate the speculations either but at least he didn’t make a Tumblr sideblog to argue with the fans. Phil’s approach to life was to mostly ignore people since giving them attention would only make it worse. People went a little too crazy on the internet and he didn’t want any part of it.

By the time September rolled around, things really started to come to a head. Charlie was still being a bitch, basically, constantly rounding other youtubers to bad mouth Dan, to speculate about his sexuality, and ended up threatening Dan. Unhappy about the lack of attention Dan was giving him, Charlie dropped the covert accusations and resorted to outright calling Dan out for being gay.

It broke Phil’s heart to read Dan’s replies, so he texted him to ask how he wanted Phil to reply as well, but Dan asked him to be quiet. Instead, Dan tweeted that he was honestly scared of Charlie's behaviour, hinting at him being potentially mentally unstable, making his claims about Dan’s sexuality unreliable while trying to appear calm and collected himself, but Phil knew better; this was Dan’s worst nightmare. There was not a chance that Dan was unbothered about the speculations.

After that, Dan continued to post videos regularly, go to uni and do the occasional play, but at any given chance, he would put physical and emotional distance between he and Phil. They still collabed semi frequently but even when filming Pinof 4, it was very evident that Dan didn’t want to even sit close to him. Overall it went well, or as good as they could have expected and the fans liked it, but they could tell that something was a bit off. When Phil saw all the edits, he briefly regretted leaving him calling Dan special in the video, but Dan said it was fine.

To tackle his love/hate relationship with the Phandom, Dan posted his ‘Fandoms’ video in October, making light of the situation, spinning it as a relatable story yet still including a soft call out, almost like a beg for a semblance of respect for his humanity beyond being an entertainer, but it didn’t work. Phil could see how everything was weighing down on Dan but Dan said he was fine and tried to push through. It was not every day that you could be paid to film videos in your room, get free stuff and get a following.

Not everything was bad though, being a youtuber came with real opportunities. In fact, they were hired by the BBC to film a Christmas Special, which went amazing and opened the door to negotiate for a spot on Radio 1 the following year. Dan had seemed excited to join him, even though the offer had been extended only to Phil initially, but Phil had made it clear that they were a package deal and that was the parameter set for future negotiations.

The thing is… Dan had been pushing himself for quite a while. Everything he did had become a chore, something that he no longer wanted to do, he didn’t want any of it, not even uni, or that’s what he told Phil. One day, just like Dan had come into his life and offered his friendship, he took it all away.

He moved out of his dorm, no longer reached out to Phil or barely answered when Phil initiated, stopped posting YouTube videos without a warning, and above all, he abandoned Phil in every way possible.

Phil understood, or he tried to understand, but he was heartbroken - and the public fallout was evident. People were constantly asking where Dan was and what had happened between them, if they had broken up (those were the phan truthers), but Phil was not going to let that stop him. With Mark supporting him every step of the way, Phil went to his first Vidcon, started doing liveshows and prepared to move to London, putting every cent that he had saved to pay rent upfront, because, obviously, being a youtuber was not great on paper to rent a fucking flat in London. Fuck, sometimes he hated Dan, but more than anything, he hated himself. He had given Dan every opportunity even though Mark had warned him about it, but he’d wanted to believe that Dan would never hurt him like that.

The truth was that Dan didn’t love him back, didn’t want to be his friend - apparently (Phil could only guess since Dan never gave him an explanation) - and didn’t want to be associated with him privately or publicly. It was as if their friendship and everything they’d built together meant nothing at all. The Sam situation and the messiness had been only the start of the rift between them and by the end of it, it was the least of their problems.

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